#i mean i HOPE nobody else has thoughts like this but it's fine to share

[delugguk]

Only Mine, Nobody Else's.

pair: jungkook x reader.

genre: stablished relationship, smut, fluff.

word count: 5.4K

warnings: unprotected sex.

summary: there's you, who finds little things like eating perilla leafs as normal. then there's him,who finds such topics as horrendous. for him, this type of convos shouldn't even exist. so who'll win this battle? it's better to find out, now.

a/n: hellooooo here's the alternative version of THIS. finally!! I wrote this the same day I published the first drabble but never got to finish it until now, so I hope you enjoy this hehe. I really love them ㅠㅠ but I'll shut up now and enjoy their cute dynamics 😩 I'm sorry I took toooooo long to post but my irl schedule is kinda ass :( LET ME KNOW YALL REACTIONS!! I do appreciate it 👉🏼👈🏼🥺

everything can happen during dinner but.. let me explain, okay?

when you start a topic.. normally, your smart and super interesting boyfriend rambles around until he can't stop his pretty mouth from moving - not that you complained though, you adore listening to him.

but as interesting as it could be, there was some nights were each topic jumped from fun conversations to.. sudden serious ones.

like tonight.

A new trend has seemed to flow around socials making everyone have these interesting conversations that.. you're not really sure if you vibe with them to be honest - but it is what it is as soon as seho, jungkook's best friend, brings this topic to the table.

and yep, you wanted to chop his balls right in that moment.

you could swear you were having a good time until that moment came. you and jungkook were oblivious to the matter for some reason so when you're having dinner with your friends, this sudden theme really got you out off guard because you just knew how jungkook was gonna get.

"so what is it about?" jungkook asked and now that you think about it, you wished he could just.. not pay attention but.. oh well.

"well, it's basically a question about.. you letting somebody else help your girlfriend separate her perilla leaf-"

"hell nah." jungkook cuts him out of his sentence.

damn.

"wait.." seho's chuckles, "you didn't even let me finish and you're already prohibiting that from happening." finding the situation funny.

you only ironically rolled your eyes with an ironic smile too.

"you make questions knowing well the way he is.." you say but it wasn't annoying.

"what's love if there's not a little spice to it?" he laughs. oh you hated him.

not really. but you know what I mean.

jungkook's just listening until he began to speak with a cocky grin. "do you really think I'll let y/n get feed by another man?" a small scoff of a laugh leaving his mouth, "yeah sure." as he brushes his hair back with both hands.

just laying back on his sofa, casually looking so fine. but this wasn't the time to think about that.

"It doesn't necessarily have to be a man, you know? It's just any other friend." says yoongi.

"whatever, I don't care. I wont allow it."

you chuckle. "mm.. why not?" sounding more curious, but you really wanted to know why he is so against it. "I don't see nothing wrong about sharing food?"

"not this way??"

"exactly?" seho's following just after jungkook.

"you, shut up." you point at seho. - now looking back at jungkook, "what do you mean 'this way'?"

"mm.. babe, this isn't just something you can share, you know?"

"but.. why not?"

both him and seho sigh. but just before they could talk, luckily, the theme dies as soon as yoongi successfully changes the topic to some stupid funny video he saw these days.

the fact that seho knows about jungkook's possessive/jealous behaviours makes this worst. they're like best friends, for god's sake.

after that little moment, not even a single wrinkle of happiness painted on your boyfriend's face but a slight eyebrow furrowing instead and it's just that his reaction to the matter was... priceless.

jungkook had so much to say but so little to think.. completely blinded by the thought of someone feeding his girl, this obviously wasn't going to end here.

..and you both knew it.

when you arrive to your apartment, jungkook didn't wasted any time to continue your conversation and it's just that.. he was so predictable sometimes, or maybe you knew him too well.

"what did you meant about that?" his voice sounds genuinely curious when he closes the door behind you.

"about.. what?" taking off your jacket as you respond, he smacks his lips in annoyance.

"you know what I'm talking aboutㅡ bam, hi" voice suddenly changing into a whisper-y cute tone when he kneels down to kiss his son.

"..hm?" and as he gets up, he takes your hand leading into the living room.

he seats first. tattooed hand giving little soft but strong palms at the other side of the sofa when he motions you to seat beside him.

when you cross your legs, you give yourself just the perfect enough space between him and you just so you don’t get any other contact with his dangerous body 'cause right now this wasn't your sweet, sweet boyfriend at his best. - not that he’ll do something bad to you, but because you were very weak when it came to having him close..

"are we.. really having this conversation?”

blinking many times as if it wasn't obvious, "uh.. yeah??" he answers.

you sigh. "okay." pausing, "shoot."

"do you really not care?"

"about what? food?"

he glances at you.

you exhale. "It's not that I don't care. It's more of me.. thinking it's not that serious."

his mouth drops into a little gasp. "how isn't it that serious? my friend could easily be feeding you.. you."

"so?"

"so???" he feels so offended. "are you really-"

"no, okay, wait. I do care about that. I dont agree about them feeding me. I don't like that either.. what the hell." you confirm because you realize. "what I'm trying to say is, they won't be feeding me."

"how?"

"because they will just help me separate the leafs, silly. they don't necessarily have to give them in my mouth?"

"but most people do. unconsciously."

"you do?"

"yes. and I think you can tell. I always do it with you."

"but that's because we're dating.."

"it's because I like you. romantically, silly." he flicks your head, making you blink.

"of course, so that makes sense!" you say. "I don't think a random friend will-- wait, friends can also do it if they like you.. as a friend?"

"uh-uh” he nods his head. “that doesn't exist when it comes to this food."

"what's so different about this?"

"you really don't know, huh?"

nodding your head, you shrink your shoulders as you keep silent for a few seconds and he crosses both his arms looking at you with narrowed eyes.

“what?” you playfully exclaimed as you’re also confused but jungkook just pushes his hair back once again, taking a big breather followed with an exhale. “babe," you continue, hands cupping his face. “tell me.” as your face gets closer, eyes trying to read his.

"they could touch your lips with the tip of his fingers." he says. big pupils staring at your lips when he’s soon piercing your gaze.

you do notice. butterflies in your stomach, god.

“no, they won't."

"yes they will and I can't let that happen."

you sigh. "babe, is not that big of a deal. you act as if that will make me fall in love with them.” then you pause to say, "which, it would never happen, by the way."

"but you could."

"no, I won't." you affirm.

"yes? you would." but he keeps being stubborn..

"no? I wouldn't?"

you both pause staring at each other and you roll your eyes.

"I still stand with what I said during dinner though." leaning back on his seat, you’re not longer cupping his face.

"honey, me helping your friend or my friend isn't going to change anything."

"you never know.."

"I think you should stop watching too many dramas. their messing with your little head." you playfully say while softly pulling one of his hair strings.

but he rolls his eyes. "how can you say that?" starting his funny drama. "those things definitely doesn't affect the way I think.." he pauses. "but If that was the case, then they'll be totally right because If it happens in dramas it could happen in real life."

"You're delusional.."

"No I'm not?"

"..and you want me to take you seriously?”

“babe.” jungkook warns, voice sharp.

“okay, okay..” you side smile. “I get it.”

“can you listen to me?”

"always."

"you can't.. you can't still do it for him or anybody that isn't me." he’s serious but his voice is so endearing..

taking a deep breath, you rest one hand against your cheek when you look directly into his eyes. "why though?"

"because I say so."

"mm… that still don’t help."

"yeah, it does."

"you can't just give me that answer as your reason why?"

"just did."

you lightly punch his shoulder. "jungkook!"

he laughs.

“you’re being childish right now.” you fake cry.

"okay, okay.." breathing, he goes back to being serious. "either way you still can't help."

rolling your eyes for the 281 time, you annoyingly respond with, "are you going to keep saying that?" pausing. "like is this about you thinking that's how I'll end up falling in love with somebody else? or… what?”

"mm.. yeah?" he's sarcastic. "Isn't it obvious?"

"how is it obvious?" you frown your eyebrows.

"because he'll give you one perilla leaf and you know how.. when somebody can't separate them, sometimes there's have to be another person to help, right?" he breathes as you nod. "well.. that person is, of course, you!" he argues, "and that could make you end up holding hands with him!”

"I- what?" he's unbelievable.

“as soon as I blink!" he continues - pointing at his eyes. "he has already taking you away from me!"

your reaction is.. well, you don’t even know how to react as he says all of this. only thing that could leave your mouth was, "jungkook.. you can't be serious now.."

"well I am?" he’s all pouty and annoying but you needed to make him understand your point of view and that’s all you think when his hands are lightly hitting his own thighs in frustration.

"well, that's ridiculous." now you’re the one leaning back into your side of the sofa.

"It is not?!"

"It is, and it doesn't even makes sense. I won't hold somebody's hand just because they helped me?" you blink several times as something that’s so obvious.

"but- how can you say that? this does makes sense and it can totally happen!"

then pausing, you decide to tease him instead even though you’re still serious. “are you, perhaps.. talking by experience? ..and that's why you're saying this to me?"

"no!” hands brushing his own face in frustration. "that's not why I'm saying this."

"then why you get so mad about it? It doesn't make sense to me. explain how it works because I do not understand and believe me when I say I'm having a hard time trying to." giving up, you give him a good opportunity to make you understand his point of view in full detail but that’s only if he want it though. you weren’t going to force him to do anything.

he was clear of it.

as soon as you said that, jungkook takes a short time of silence to think. rubbing his chin, rubbing his face.. you can clearly see he's really making up his mind for the way he keeps zooming out into his complex mind.

that could be pretty sometimes.

"let’s say.." he quickly nibbles his lip ring as his dimples slightly pronounce more and that's when you confirm for the second time that he wants to make this right. "..you have a friend, a girl friend.” you nod as he speaks. “and she needs help to separate all of her perilla leafs.."

"Aha.." you slowly nod your head.

"would you like it if I help? It'll take a lot of time.." his eyes feel so heavy looking at yours like he really wants you to say what he think is the right answer..

"..yes?"

but your answer is still very.. unbothered and that makes jungkook open his mouth with both hands on his head in a dramatic manner.

"yes???" he’s back to being exalted. “that’s really your answer?” he chuckles but it’s not even a friendly one. more of a sarcastic one.

“I mean.. what do you want me to say?! I just think it’s normal?”

“n-normal?” and there’s that sarcastic grin all over again. “why.”

"because.. it's just food?"

he covers his face in disbelief. "but I'm the one giving it to them.." he pauses. "Isn't it like if I was deeply caring for them? that's why it's wrong! It can look bad."

"not for me.." you look around.

he sighs for the 10th time smacking his lips as he reveals, "babe, you can't help others with perilla leafs because it'll look like you have second intentions with them."

"who said that?" now you're the one rolling your eyes.

jungkook sighs, rubbing his eyes. "it’s something to flirt about.”

“flirt?”

“yeah." he leans his body a little closer to yours, staring at your eyes almost intensely. you felt tension. not a bad one necessarily.

"have you done that?" genuine question.

"no!" he whines with the same pout on his lips. "why do you keep asking me this?”

“genuinely curious.. and you’re saying a lot of things.” you say.

he rolls his eyes. “I know a lot of people that do it..”

“how?”

"well.." he takes one of your hands to caress it while he speaks, "you know how hard they are to separate, right?"

"yeah..?"

"you normally will have to lean closer to that person in order to do so." he pauses. eyes piercing at yours when his voice goes two tones down. "people like closeness."

you nervously clear your throat. "ah.. yeah," immediately changing the direction this was taking— "so.. imagine we're eating on a cute restaurant-“ you fix your posture and jungkook only grins to himself. he has made you feel nervous.

he liked that.

“…with a friend, it doesn't matter if it's a woman or man” he nods, paying attention to your words. “and I can't help like you said.."

“aha..?”

“if I’m minding my business in that situation but my friend needs help, does that mean you’ll be the one helping them?”

"of course not." tone? annoyed and very serious.

"why not?"

"because I don't care if it's a woman or man, I shouldn't be helping anybody that isn't you. MY girlfriend."

that kinda made your stomach flip, let's not lie here.

"but then who'll help them eat?"

"nobody."

"jungkook!" you call him out.

but all he does is shrink his broad shoulders. “what? It's easy! nobody helps them! don't they have arms of their own?" he annoyingly responds.

"but that's so ass. it's not like you're giving them food directly into their mouth?!"

"..and? I still don't care! If I say you shouldn't then you shouldn't."

you raise your eyebrows. “okay boss?”

jungkook exhales, “I'm not saying that. but.. it’s just what's obvious? I can't help either and we're dating."

"..and you're possesive."

"I'm not possessive.

"yes, you are."

"okay, maybe a little but I'm not most of the time."

and that makes you laugh for sure. “see how you shamelessly lie to yourself, gosh.”

now he’s the one raising his eyebrows. “lie? do you want to know what’s a real lie?” he questions.

“yes.” you sarcastically smile.

“the fact that I don’t want to fuck for your stupid answers and the way that I hate how my solution to this has to be to fuck you silly.” then he whispers to himself, “fuck.” really wanting that to happen.

you were frozen, didn’t expected him to say all that. he’s surely crazy too because why did he had to say it while having that nasty smile on his face? why.

“then why don’t you act on it?” you tease back.

“because that’s a “lie”. he smirks, “told you I’ll say a real lie.”

“I hate you.”

“no, you don’t.” he smiles but then, goes back to the main theme. “listen to me, doing that.. I just think it’s thoughtful. like you’re clearly showing you deeply care for that person, you know?” then he pouts, “from my point of view.. we should be the only ones helping each other.. nobody else.”

you sigh. “okay.. I see what you mean. but I still think it depends on how you perceive it though.”

“fine, now you’re the one who needs to explain.” he said that with a slightly annoyed tone that made you chuckle.

“I think you keep seeing it as something romantic and that’s why you can’t accept it.”

“..and you think it’s not?”

“if I considered that to be romantic you think I’ll be reacting this way?”

“…no..”

“there’s your answer.” you smile.

"just.." he exhales. "take care of me and me only, yeah?" plastering his forehead against yours, his palms holds your cheeks ever so delicately when he says, "I will not feel comfortable if you take care of others in that manner when you have me. specially me. your boyfriend." voice so soft while pointing at himself and god, does he was really cute sometimes. "…would you like it if I took care of your friends?"

and at that question you take your time to think.

"I think it depends on the person too, jungkook.."

"why?" he responds as he is genuily curious.

"because.. Imagine if the friend we’re eating with needs help with their perilla but let’s say I’ve eaten that many times with them and everything was always fine,” jungkook nods his head as he carefully listens. “..so in this case, since they’re my friend I know them the most right?”

"yeah."

“but they’re asking for help, your help, when I know they could handle themselves just right..”

“I see where this is going..” there’s a little building smile on jungkooks lips.

“me seeing them acting dumb just so you could help them— of course that’ll make me definitely jealous.”

"you see?!" he suddenly raises his voice in excitement. "that's what I'm saying!" smiling brightly at you.

"but I'll be more mad because of you not noticing this person second intentions!" you defend yourself. "and because my friend must know I'm obviously dating you!"

"but see? you'll still get jealous, and this just meansㅡperilla leafs could lean into romance! you basically said it yourself! It's a way of flirting.." he says, looking very triumphant.

and at his reaction, you just roll your eyes smiling through it because you can't help it at this point.

"yeah..whatever!" you rapidly correct yourself in which he laughs. "all I'm saying is.. that I could only get jealous in circumstances like these because then I'll know this friend is obviously shamelessly flirting with you."

"but I wouldn't be falling in love with them." he says.

then suddenly, being caught off guard, you blink. “meaning… that you’ll help?”

"nope, I still wouldn't." he warmly says. "since I can't be comfortable with you doing it, I have to keep on my word. I can't do things that I wouldn't like someone do to me." then he adds, "and I would not fall in love with them, because I love you." he finishes saying when he plays with your fingers and his eyes tenderly lingers at yours.

"but.. you never know." voice small, you shyly say.

"no, I'm clear of it." affirming with a confident side smile. "I only have eyes for you, love." he says, gently grabbing one of your hands to leave a lingering kiss on top of it when your eyes can’t stop looking at his sweet actions. you do adored him so much..

"shit, I can't even look at other girls if it isn't you. I love you too damn much." he then chuckles when your laugh merges with his.

lovey dovey eyes staring at his.. “I love you too..”

with a smile on your lips, he mirrors your face too.

that night you both ended up fall sleep hugging each other on his big sofa. you thought you couldn’t get more comfortable than this.

the other night though..

“should I fuck you? nah… I don’t think you deserve it.”

you must’ve seen this coming. eager times always results into this. mostly when a jealous jungkook was very much present. you couldn’t believe how you were so easily lured into his words but the more you get to know and see the new sides of your boyfriend, the more you fell in love and the more you get turned on by him.

you couldn’t resist him in situations like these and it’s just that a jealous jungkook wasn’t just something you got to see everyday. he is normally pretty chill, but whenever he wasn’t.. oh boy.

…you whine with that. "Jungkook.."

"Jungkook, what? now you wanna beg?" a smug grin paints his lips.

you whine as you try to squeeze your legs.

"mm-uh." he opens your legs once again. "don't even dare to take this view away from me."

"but I'm so wet.."

"I know baby. but I can't fuck you if you keep playing around when I'm so serious." he pauses and gives you a hungry daring stare. "dead serious."

"I won't let anyone else fuck me if it isn't you."

"are you sure about that?"

"one hundred percent."

"No lies?"

"No lies."

and he smiles when a finger slides through your clit up and down teasing on it. "torturing you is like torturing me.." he sighs. "fucking wet." licking his lips. "want to eat you again."

"no," you fake cry still feeling his now, moist fingers. "fuck me. I want you to fuck me."

"is that so?"

"eunggg"

“you will have to keep waiting then.” he smirks before going down on you all over again.

"fuck, I love eating your pussy so much. always so wet and greedy for me." his voice’s raspy when he spits on it, just adding more into your dripping pussy. "I love making a mess out of you." he groans.

his tongue rapidly moves up and down as he adds a certain weight on it that makes you want to scream your lungs out. - making out with your clit, one finger slides caressing your folds very teasingly.

"jungkook.." you cry.

"what, baby?" he lowly breathes, eating your cunt still. just this time looking up at you.

when you look down the sight is just so fucking hot. your hands hold onto his hair as he gives you those puppy but very dominant eyes. he loves teasing you like this. he knows how much you love when he treats you like this.

"babe.." your hips thrust into his mouth. as you expose your neck to him.

jungkook leaves a slow kiss into your clit very sensually. "fuck.." he sighs as your arousal mixed with his saliva, dripped down your ass. your pussy pulsating and clenching like crazy. "what do you want?" voice raspy.

"fucking make me cum, babe. please" you whine, trying to touch your clit with your fingers the moment jungkook stopped eating you. - he takes his hands off you.

"not yet baby.. can't let you cum just yet." he sensually and very much needy bites his lower lip. piercing just shining. him very full of desire, just wanted to slide his hard dick along your wet folds. he wanting to feel you coating his length. make a mess out of you, make you beg for him to get fucked - to want him to destroy you. he wanted you to be left thinking about him only, to let you know how you were his and his only even though he was pretty sure he couldn't claim a person, neither you. but he still very much wanted to. he wanted you to scream you were his and his only. he wanted to have you whole. he also wanted to punish you for ever thinking about having help for someone else but him. is not like nobody could help you but why would you ask or need another person's help when he was right there? it made no fucking sense.

he could be seems as calm and collected from outside but his want and need into wanting to ruin you, begging for him until his name could be marked onto your skin were just fucking growing so much. he wished he could just have you like this forever.

"you make me fucking crazy. I shouldn't even be treating you like this. I should let your fucking pussy scream for me. be left untouched until it's begging for me to be touched." he murmurs, palming himself with one hand as his other one rest on your thight and his legs keep yours spread out enough to feel every blow of breeze as he constantly slaps his dick on your clit from time to time and the sticky sounds going in and out of his head made him want to devour you and swallow you whole. he felt feral, his point of possessiveness getting the best of him but fuck, you deserved this. he needed to show you to fucking behave and not say that stupid shit in front of him -or anyone- ever again. It shouldn't even be a topic of conversation at this point. It should be obvious too.

so that's why he's sliding his thick length along your slit and juices, hissing and cursing to himself a lot - closing his eyes every now and then because his desire into fucking your sopping pussy was getting into him.

"I fucking want you all to myselfㅡfuck." he moans. "I can't let nobody else see you like this." he then exhales, tilting his head back while closing his eyes. "only me.. fuck."

"I want to fuck you so bad but you don't deserve it." he tortures himself.

you cry and move your hips along him for more friction and it's so sticky between both your genitals, you feel so horny for him.

"why do you do this to me.." his lidded eyes gazes at you. "..hm?" he slaps one of your thighs. "you want me to fuck you stupid?" he takes both your legs, placing them at the side of his shoulders. "Is that what you want?" he pants, voice heavy and gone while he continues teasing his tip between your folds. "fffuck.. tell me - baby.. do you want me to fuck you so bad?"

"nngn yes.." you cry, feeling very hot and needy for him. your hips keep moving with tip and the feeling was so hot.. you were so wet it was an absolute mess down there. "babyㅡfuck. fuck me please.. fuck me." you beg.

"tell me how bad you want me to." he watches as his dick masturbates along your legs. he starts slow, later on hard when he's already starting moving his dick back and forth, pressing a bit hard on your pussy between your folds. "should I let you have it?" he scoff clicking his lips and a grin playing along. his legs also getting sticky with your arousal. "I don't think so.." he teases.

"baby please.." you arch your back, body distorting, nipples very much erect, your own hand squeezed your boob. shit, you wanted him so fucking bad. "I won'tㅡah. I won't do that again." you look at him with pleading doe eyes.

"do what?" he dares. eyes cloudy as he glances at his tip rubbing against your needy pulsating clitoris.

"ask stupid questions like that ever again." you moan as you try to open your legs but he keeps them close to his neck, adding more pressure to his dick. breathing hard.

"stupid, huh?" he rasps, chuckling a little about it. lidded eyes piercing at you. his tip moving a little more sensual and faster along your clitoris. He gives small slaps to it while he slides his tip.

It feels so good.

"mhmh-" you feel like crying, the pleasure only rising.

his cocky laugh resonating through your whole body.

"wish you’ve said that earlier.." he whispers. "because then I wouldn't be fucking losing my mind right now." pausing. "you're mine okay?" he says while introducing himself into your needy hole.

the moment he introduces himself, you’re squeezing him so hard he can barely fully put his dick in. "fuckㅡbaby, relax." jungkook opens his mouth into a gasp. "do you want me to cum now?" breathing heavier.

“nno.. but you feel so goood.” you swallow your words when you feel the leaks of your pussy. jungkook is the only person that has ever made you feel this horny.

“fuck.. baby.. how am I so lucky?” he said that one last thing more to himself than you.

after not taking it anymore he makes you ride him instead. “jump on me.” and you do. “fuck yeah, nice and hard baby.. so good..” as he holds your waist with his big hands.

eyes looking up and down your body it was as if he was admiring you. the woman he has in front of him. the perfect sculpture ever made, the hottest girl he has ever crossed his heart and eyes into. it was getting a lot so his natural reaction was to delicately examine each part of your body like how his hands fit so perfectly into your waist, they way your vagina swallowed him just right.. how wet you always were for him.. just the fact that you wanted him just as much as he wants you makes him crazy. the way you close your eyes with each jump or bite your lips giving him that pretty nasty look with a side fucked out smile he loves so much.. you were so sensual, he absolutely loved that.

“I love you so much.” he says before leaning your body against his just so he could start fucking you back and that made you scream.

“agh! mmfuck”

he was going sort of fast and deep just how you like it. the way you could feel his breathing against your neck made your nipples get harder but also because of the little rubs in had with his chest. you tried putting your boobs on his face which was a success so jungkook started to lick them or tried to because he was fucking you so fast now it was getting messy.

“I want to cum.” you say as you’re getting close.

“don’t cum like this.” he answers when he’s already flipping you stomach down, ass up. “let me see that pussy swallow my cum.” when he slaps your ass making you arch your back.

“fuck.”

you closed your legs and leaning your chest into the bed. this position making you hold your boyfriends dick a bit tighter.

he exhales with a ‘ho’ sound when he slaps your ass once again. “you just get better, hm baby?”

damn it he sounds so fucked out.

you felt so full you couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m gonna cum!”

“fucking do it, I can’t wait neither.”

as soon as you do he starts fucking you with paused but hard and deep thrusts. your legs were shaking, it’s like he knows exactly how to get you over it. when he cums inside you, the sight of it was what made him more crazy.

“swallowing my cum just right, huh? fuck..” he squishes your ass to the point it leaves a red stain. “how you’re still so deliciously tight….”

and without noticing, you were horny once again..

if you were going to tell everything that happened that night.. you’re sure you wouldn’t handle to finish with just a few paragraphs but you could guarantee that everything that happened was worth enough to let anybody with more than their mouth open..

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[norrizzandpia]

Let Me Be Happy. Don’t Be Mean. (LN4)

Summary: Y/n is not experienced in the realm of dating. For years, she has convinced herself that no man sees her as lovable. So, when a guy steps into the picture who checks off all the boxes, making her feel secure in his feelings towards her, she’s elated. However, when she goes to share in the excitement with her best friend, he ruins it all, along with it her happiness, by uttering three small words.

Warnings: language, mentions of grinding

Note: this is very very little women coded but nobody is related. You’ll see. Once again, this is a sad ending, but a happy one will be up soon. I just wanted to get something out to you guys because it’s been so long since i posted and im finally feeling up to returning to you all. Genuinely, i feel like this isn’t my greatest greatest work, nothing quite worthy of a comeback fic, but i hope that doesn’t deter you all <3 ill be back with some of my regular abilities soon just a bit rusty so forgive me lol

Y/n had never had a boyfriend. There were failed talking stages and men who stole longer-than-preferred glances at her, but there was never an official, labeled and definite boyfriend. A part of her life which her friends always teased her for, a part of her life which she was secretly so deeply insecure about. Throughout her twenty-two years spent on Earth, she had been told that she was intimidating, that she was “too pretty” to be approached, but, as high school passed and she graduated college without anyone putting in effort, the passing thoughts of “something is wrong with me” took hold. Maybe it was the way she dressed, or the fact she liked musicals; maybe it was the friends she hung out with, or the jokes she made; maybe it was her looks, or her smile; maybe her laugh was obnoxious, or she didn’t seem like girlfriend material. She could never escape the feeling that she was inadequate, that somehow, over the years, she had molded herself into a person that no one else would stick around for romantically. Somehow, she wound up unloveable.

Lando, in the beginning, was a maybe. Becoming friends with him was, if you asked her, one of the scariest things she had ever embarked on in her life. Famous, rich, and successful Lando Norris loved her company, even adding in a few questionable and suggestive comments in the midst of it all. Her friends, however relentless, had continuously talked about the possibility of Lando liking her, but she shut it down every time. With the way she had forced her brain to be wired, Lando would never see her as more than a friend. The comments about how beautiful he thought she was, though, she could never explain.

“Are you going to answer me or what?” Y/n’s eyes focused back to the man in her mind, sitting before her at his kitchen table and staring at her as if she had died and came back to life.

She leaned her body against the counter, “Yeah, sorry. What’d you say?”

He scoffed and laughed all at once, “You didn’t hear anything I just said? Are you okay?”

His eyes flitting over her face made her chuckle and shake her head, “Yes, I’m fine. I was just thinking about the upcoming projects I have for work.”

He nodded, though his slightly furrowed eyebrows portrayed confusion, “Okay… Well, Max invited us to go out tonight. There’s a new club a few blocks down that he got on the VIP list for. You in?”

Deciding that maybe going out would somehow remedy the strong belief that no man wanted her, Y/n nodded.

—

“Can you hear me?!” Lando screamed into Max’s ear. His best friend looked at him, a drink in both their hands, and laughed.

“Yes, I can hear you, dumbass! When you yell right in my eardrum, it’s hard not to! What’s up?”

Lando was hesitant before leaning in once more, his tone lowered an octave, “Who is that dancing with Y/n?”

Max followed Lando’s eyeline, finding his good friend grinding up against a man he couldn’t even recognize.

He shook his head, “I don’t know. At least, she’s having fun!” His laughter at his comment died down when he turned his head to see Lando pouting.

Max scoffed, “Mate, you can’t be upset with her venturing out. She doesn’t even know you think of her that way!”

Lando shook his head, “I don’t see her that way.”

Max shoved his shoulder, “All I hear is denial, denial, and fucking denial. When you wake up one morning and find out you loved her all along, don’t come crying to me when you realize you’re too late because she’s with someone else.”

Lando laughed it off, though the pit in his stomach made him want to puke up the alcohol he had consumed for the night. Maybe he had just had one too many, he told himself.

Yeah, it was the alcohol consumption.

Max’s piercing gaze leveled with Lando’s, liquor coursing through the Brit’s veins as he said lowly, “I’m sick and tired of that bullshit.”

Lando rolled his eyes, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Max nodded feverishly, “Yes, you do! You know I can’t fucking stand the way you shun your feelings for her! I know it’s probably a dick move on my part to tell you how you feel, but if you keep dancing around her, you’re gonna lose her. I don’t want to see that for you.”

Lando shook his head briefly, coolness flowing from him as if Max’s words didn’t strike panic within his blood, “I’m not going to lose her, Max. I think alcohol makes you overdramatic.”

Max groaned and stomped away, liquid sloshing out of his glass as he retreated into the crowd. Lando’s eyes were left to fall back on his Y/n. The man’s hands were on her hips, swaying hers against his as he kissed her neck. He hated the sight and he didn’t know why.

Truthfully, he did know why.

—

“If a guy visits you at work with your favorite coffee order, does that mean he’s interested in you?” Y/n waltzed into the sunlit living room of Max’s apartment, Lando sprawled out on the couch as Max scrolled through his phone on a big chair in the corner.

“Uh, yes.” Max replied quickly, before Lando had the opportunity of selfishly saying no.

Holding her phone in one hand and the other balled in a fist, Y/n blurted, “Are you sure?”

Max pulled himself from his slouched position, looking at her intently and not daring to see the way Lando was eyeing him. He could feel the fiery gaze on his shoulder, “No man is going out of his way to buy you your favorite coffee and come see you at a corporate office for .2 seconds. Trust me, Y/n, the man likes you.”

She nodded her head side to side, “Mmm, maybe.”

”He’s right.” Lando murmured, a heavy heart as he watched her gaze snap to his, as if his thoughts on the subject convinced her more of what was right in front of her.

Max side-glanced him, a war in his head as he tried to decipher Lando and whatever he was trying to accomplish.

“You think?” She whispered, looking down at her phone when it buzzed. A blush across her cheeks made Lando’s heart squeeze.

Did she smile that way when he texted her?

Lando cleared his throat, “What’s this guy’s name? Is this the same guy you were dancing with at the club?”

She nodded, “Yeah, it is. His name is Chris.”

“Last name?” He continued, listening intently for the information.

Y/n laughed, “What? Are you going to Instagram-stalk him or something?”

Yes.

”No. Just curious.” He smiled lightly. All the while, Max was rolling his eyes.

”Chris Greenberg.” She smiled back, a moment between the two where Lando seemingly couldn’t tear his eyes off the grin displayed in front of him.

He sat back, “Alright, most generic name I’ve ever heard, but okay.”

She shook her head at Lando, the smile still on her face as she plopped on the couch beside him.

His arm instinctively draped around her shoulders, his hand toying with the ruffled fabric of her shirt. Lando tried not to fall into the mess of her in his mind yet the soft skin under his fingertips made his mind get away from him. He didn’t want it to be real. He didn’t want the morning where he woke up and he found out he was in love with his best friend to come.

But, he also couldn’t bear the thought of Chris touching her in the way he does. He willed himself not to think about Chris seeing her naked or taking care of her in the way Lando always had. Maybe he had never kissed her, but he had held her hand in moments of pain and he had been there for her when no boyfriends had the privilege of being able to show up. Lando had always been something to her and she had always been something to him, they both knew that.

He wanted her to stay single and he wanted her to stay his precious girl.

And suddenly, he couldn’t deny what he felt for her.

On the couch, with Max a few feet away from them and his fingers only lightly grazing her warmth, Lando’s eyes turned to her and he gave into the pull that he had been fighting for years.

A minute away from begging her to see him for what he needed her to, her phone lit up between them. One singular notification lit up the screen, her lock screen a picture of them two after he had gotten his Silverstone podium. A notification which was from Chris, a blushing emoji next to his name.

His mouth opened from the words he so recklessly wanted to say, he realized what he was about to do: confessing feelings he found out about five seconds ago while Max was sitting next to them. So embarrassed and slowly reaching a state of distraught, Lando retracted his arm from her body.

Y/n grabbed her phone from the space between their legs, opened her phone, and giggled at whatever stared back at her.

Lando knew his face said it all. He was always facially expressive. If she had turned her head, or Max, they would’ve seen it written all over his face. The sickening realization that he was in love with the girl sitting beside him.

Part of him loved that they weren’t paying attention to him, but another part wished she would move her head a few centimeters, catch his eyes, and let him study the way she took his breath away.

—

“Where are you going?” Lando stumbled over his feet as he ran to the door. Y/n in a black, tight dress looking stunning had alarms going off in his head.

Her hand on the door knob, “A date.”

“Why?”

She laughed slowly, “Um, because? Chris asked me? I said yes?”

Lando’s hands rested on his hips, gray sweatpants slugging low on his waist as he stared at her, “Where’s he taking you?”

She mirrored his stance, “Why?”

He scoffed, “Because! I should know where you are! What if he tries to kill you and nobody knows your location?”

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully and opened the door. In the crack, Lando could see Chris standing against his car with flowers in his hand, looking like everything Y/n deserves and more. Chilling as he realized he’s trying to fight something that is not meant for him. Y/n doesn’t deserve him. She deserves someone who will sleep next to her every night, who won’t leave her every weekend for their job. She deserves someone who is available and dependable. He isn’t that. He will never be that. Chris already is that.

“I will be fine, Lan. Thank you for worrying, but Chris is a nice guy.” She smiled, not giving him room to argue as she slipped out and closed the door.

He stared at the wood for a moment or two, hearing her giggles from outside and knowing how taken she sounded. He wanted her to turn around, to open the door back up and say something that would give him confirmation that Max wasn’t right; that he didn’t realize too late the things he felt for her.

She would never come to the door and Lando would, after fifteen minutes of waiting and hearing the tires drive away, slink back to his bed.

—

She came to the door. Knocking frantically and rambling the moment Lando opened it, Y/n burst into his apartment.

Lando’s hands raised in the air, “Woah, woah, woah, slow down. I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

He watched her face light up before she took a deep breath and withheld his favorite smile, “The date went so amazing, Lan! He is so considerate and… and he listens! Lando, he sat there and listened to me ramble about my family, my friends, and everything else about my life and then asked me questions about the things I was mentioning! He likes the same things I do and he’s so cute and I can genuinely feel like he really likes me this time! He puts in the effort! He! Puts! In! The! Effort! Lando! Seriously, he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy!”

Even though he knew it before answering the door, her bursting summary of this perfect guy solidified it for him.

She came to the door, but she didn’t come for him.

He stared at her, his heart emptied out of hope as he watched her big smile dwindle down.

”Why don’t you look happy for me?” She cocked her head as he stared back at her, a dead expression adorning his usually calm face.

”I love you.”

Lando watched her face drop, a hopeful smile morphing into a void. Her bag dropped to her feet and she leaned her head forward, “Stop.”

He blinked at her, “What?”

She looked back up at him, “Stop, Lando. Don’t say that.”

He scoffed, “It’s true!”

Glistening tears pooled in her eyes, “Lando, stop. Don’t be mean.”

He shook his head, “Y/n, I’m not being mean. I’m being honest.”

She roughly wiped the wetness that had fallen to her cheeks before looking at him with such a deadly gaze, “No, you aren’t! This is so fucking selfish of you! For once, I’ve found someone that will put in the effort and that I can genuinely trust in making the right decisions when it comes to me! And, now, here you fucking are, telling me you love me! It’s fucking cruel! Can you just let me be happy just this once? Why can’t I get my chance to be in love? You’ve experienced it! Why can’t you just let me do it?!”

He took a step closer to her and she took one back, “I do want you to be happy! I want you to be with me!”

She crossed her arms, “Oh, and you’re going to make me happy?”

“I will try.” He whispered.

She memorized the heels strapped around her feet, “Not good enough.”

He reared back, “What?”

She willed her eyes to meet his, “Not. Good. Enough. Chris will be good to me, I know that. I can’t trust that you’ll be good to me or be good to me until you get bored and find someone else to have fun with.”

”Is that what you think you are to me?” He asked, his heart reaching out for her, but breaking into pieces for how she views herself in his life before he can get there.

She looked up at him, eyes reddening under the tears, “If I meant something to you, if you loved me, you’d want me to be with the safe option.”

His hand trailed up her arm as tears fell from his cheeks similarly to hers, “I can be the safe option.”

”No, Lando. No, you can’t. I want Chris. I can’t deal with whatever life crisis you’re in the midst of right now.”

He groaned, “It’s not a life crisis. It’s me realizing what you truly mean to me.”

She waved her hand, “Sure, Lando.”

She moved away from his cornering, taking steps toward the door before Lando stopped her, “Don’t tell me I don’t love you.”

”I’m going to. I won’t give up the first guy to genuinely show me I mean something deeply to him for someone else who just apparently figured out they loved me after years of spending time together.” She continued by confirming his deepest fears, “You’re not reliable. You can't always be there when I need you to. That’s fine. I understand, but I’m not going to put myself in a spot to get hurt for you.”

He pleaded with her, “Why can’t you just give me a chance?”

”It’s not worth it, Lando.” She stared at him, “Let me be happy.”

”You can be happy with me.”

She shook her head, “Everything looks clearer in the morning, including your feelings for me.”

”What does that even mean?” He questioned, her form retreating to the door and practically screaming at him to let her go.

She sighed, “I’m sure you’re just tired. I’m sure you don’t mean any of this. How could you? Lando, you could get anyone. I’m not the girl you choose.”

Tears falling harder, he exhaled a quick breath, “You are the girl I choose!”

”And how long until I’m not?”

A silence followed, one that gave her enough time to open the door and leave. What was supposed to be the start of a new chapter for her turned into a reference to a past one.

The past chapter in her life where she loved Lando just as he described to her seconds before and a chapter where she convinced herself he would never feel the same. Still, she believed he never would. That what he had said to her was an episode, some dream he was sleep-talking in.

Lando would never pick her in the long run.

Even when he said he would.

#mclaren #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fic #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris fluff #lando norris imagines #lando norris fic #lando smut #lando norris smut #lando x reader #lando imagine #lando norris #lando norris x you #lando norris edit #lando norris fanfiction

[unluckilyimnot]

Heyy! So I’m struggling with an ed at the moment and I read your headcanons where the tr boys find out reader has an ed but I was wondering if u could do that for the Bonten trio? Tyyy

s/o who has ed

Characters : Ran, Rindou, Sanzu (all Bonten)

Type : ansgt, hurt to comfort

Words count : 0.5

m.list

It’s fine, I can write about it, it’s just the same as an old one I did : I speak as a girl who experienced it in a certain way, so I’ll do my best and I don’t mean any hurt it can cause. If you’re struggling with ed we can talk about it if you feel like it, but at least don’t hesitate to talk about it. Only around people you’re safe please, I don’t want you to go through the same things as I did. You can get through it even if it’s hard (I did but I’m not cured at all)

I love you, take care of yourself and people around you, please

Ran notices how you never touch the left over, even if he put it there for you to eat. He tried multiple times, just to be sure, but every time you already ate, or you're not hungry, or not enough so you’ll just eat some fruit. He knows too well what’s going on, yet he doesn’t know how to handle it. He can’t force you to see someone, but it hurts him acknowledging all your tricks, the way you still smile in front of your food when he hears you throwing up right after.

“Why aren’t you eating ?” It’s past midnight, you’re already reading tug in your shared bed and Ran just sat beside you. You can’t process it at first, it makes you feel sick. “It’s not a crime, I imagine what it is, but I want to understand you. And help if I can. Explain it all to me. Please.”

For a few seconds you tried to doubt that you deserve a man like him, before recalling he can kill for money. He may not be the best man out there, but he is for you. He’s ready to do better and understand you without getting mad. At the thought you shed a tear, and another and before you realize it you can’t articulate a proper sentence beside telling him that you’re sorry. Deeply sorry to be like this.

“It’s not your fault, don’t be sorry. I’m here for you.”

Rindou feels that you’re smaller than you used to be, so much smaller. It’s like he hasn’t held you in a million years when it’s only been two weeks since he left. He grabbed you a little more, here and there, but you can’t help but feel uneasy.

“Let me go to Rindou..”

“You’re so small, why ? Have you eaten enough when I was gone ?” panicked rush through his veins when he sees your eyes meeting the floor, guilt creeping into both of you. He knew it, he always did. He simply thought you were doing better since he was there and after all those years struggling together. It was that simple for you to stop it and start it all again. He’s helpless and, oh so sorry but not in a way when he feels like giving up. In a way that if he had to do it all again, from the beginning for you to get better, he will.

Sanzu doesn’t eat much himself, which is not helping with his addiction but he wants you to be healthy. He doesn’t like the idea of you hurting your body more than you already have to do. So when he finally realizes all your tricks to make him believe that you're eating normally despite your showing bones he’s more sad than mad. He knows he’s nobody to talk to, he’s destroying himself little by little too, but thinking he can lose you that way made him cry on your knees. You don’t even know what to do, you’re simply sorry but without being able to promise him you’ll stop.

“Don’t leave me” he cried out, not ready to lose someone else.

“I’ll try,” you replied.

In the silence, between his cries, there’s a secret promise that both of you will try to get each other out of their way, even if they can’t even help themselves.

Fist post in years /lit a bir short excuse me but i have to get used to it again

Hope you like it ♡

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers imagine #tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers hc #rindou imagines #rindou x reader #tokyo revengers rindou #haitani ran x reader #ran headcanons #ran x reader #sanzu imagines #sanzu x reader #sanzu hc #bonten trio #bonten trio x reader

[theemporium]

i saw you writing for poly!wolfstar so i thought why not give this a try 😭 this will be my first ever attempt of requesting so please pardon me for doing this anonymously and horridly... poly!wolfstar who already knows that they both fancy you but still aren't confessing in fear of your reaction, so they resort to the next best thing they thought of, being protective of you like steering you out of other’s radar esp when they know that that person has an interest in you (sirius might have this himbo facade but he's actually far from it) & like lowkey gatekeeping you to themselves but it all boils down to when someone asks you out for the Yule Ball right in front of their faces.

thank you for requesting!🖤

.

Remus and Sirius may have been some of the brightest wizards to walk through Hogwarts’ doors, but they were by no means smart. 

And a fine example of said fact would be the way they had gone out of their way to acknowledge their feelings for you without actually acknowledging their feelings for you.

It was never something they ever thought they’d consider, bringing another person into their relationship. Sure, Sirius would point out the odd witch or wizard he found attractive and Remus would voice his agreements. 

But this was different. You were different. 

Somehow both boys had fallen head over heels for you, yet neither one of them knew what to do about the feelings and emotions bubbling inside them so they did the next best thing—they just made sure nobody else could have you. 

It was subtle at first, the way they went about befriending you. It started off with sitting near you during breakfast, eventually building up conversations and sitting next to you in class. Notes were passed and laughs were shared and you genuinely considered both boys as solid friends in your life. 

Then they really started meddling.

“I don’t know, he just doesn’t seem like your type,” Sirius commented casually one morning when you had told him about a budding crush you had on your potions partner—the boy who had walked into the Great Hall moments ago.

“Really?” you frowned a little, tilting your head to the side. “Why not?”

“Just trust me, honey,” Sirius assured you, passing your coffee just the way you liked it. 

Their tactics became a bit more obvious to the other students of Hogwarts—most notably James who continued to take the piss out of his best friends—though you seemed none the wiser of their behaviour until the Yule Ball returned to Hogwarts and you found yourself surrounded by friends and classmates getting asked to the ball in a number of grand proposals.

You watched each with a hopeful smile and a longing gaze, but never voiced your thoughts to anyone. And as the days passed, you had accepted the fact that maybe it wasn’t in your luck to have a date, that maybe you would just attend with a few friends and make a night of it. 

Until you were sitting out by the lake, Remus leaning back against the tree with a book in his hand and Sirius lounging with his head in his boyfriend’s lap, some sort of muggle device playing music sat near him as he aimlessly tapped his wand against his thigh in beat. You were just enjoying a day with your friends, the weather a little warmer than usual for Scotland and you planned to take full advantage of it. 

What none of you were expecting was the day to be interrupted by a boy, robe abandoned and sleeves rolled up to his elbows, as he approached you with a nervous smile on his face. 

It took a whole five seconds before Sirius and Remus clocked what was about to happen.

“Tommy, hi,” you smiled at the boy, the sweater you had been trying to mend for Remus now abandoned on your lap. 

“Hi,” he said as he cleared his throat. “Listen, I know this is kinda last minute but I was just nervous to ask you because…I really like you and—”

There was nothing wrong with Tommy. He was a sweet boy, very kind to anybody he came across and never gave a reason for anyone to hate him. He was smart and, though he was a little shy, you had come to realise he was quite funny once he opened up a bit. 

But at that very moment to the boys, Tommy was probably their least favourite person in Hogwarts—which was saying a lot, all things considered.

“I’m gonna stop you right there, Timmy,” Sirius suddenly spoke up, now by your side rather than a few feet away like he was moments ago.

“My name is Tommy,” he murmured with a slightly puzzled expression.

“I don’t care,” Sirius said with a smile. “What I do care about is that you’re clearly trying to make a move on our girl.”

“Our girl?”

“Your girl?”

Both you and Tommy looked at Sirius with matching looks of confusion.

“Yes, that is what he said,” Remus spoke up, not once looking away from his book as he flipped the page. “You wouldn’t happen to be asking our girl to the ball, would you, Timothy?” 

“Tommy,” he repeated before letting out a cough. “And, uh, yeah I was—”

“Her answer will be no,” Sirius interrupted and waved him off. “Bye bye now, Tito.”

You gaped as you watched Tommy quickly scurry off, looking more confused than dejected by what just happened. And then you turned to look at your boys, both looking far too smug with themselves at what just happened.

“What on earth—” 

But before you could even finish your sentence, Sirius was kissing you. And less than a second later, you were kissing him and moaning into his mouth when you felt his fingers tangle themselves in your hair. 

Then he was pulling away, looking completely unbothered as he settled back into Remus’ lap as you sat there, flushed cheeks and open mouth as you tried to wrap your head around what just happened. 

“Like we said,” Remus grinned at your expression, eyes darkening at the sight of your flustered face. “Our girl, right?”

“Right,” you repeated, still a little dazed and now a little eager to feel Sirius’ lips on you again—or even Remus too.

.

#wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #marauders #harry potter #hp #wolfstar x reader #wolfstar x you #wolfstar x y/n #wolfstar fic #wolfstar oneshot #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin fic #remus lupin oneshot #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #sirius black fic #sirius black one shot #marauders x reader #marauders x you #marauders x y/n #marauders fic #marauders one shot #harry potter x reader #harry potter x you #harry potter x y/n #harry potter fic

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Hi!!! I saw in your description that requests were open and I was wondering if it would be possible to request some headcanons or something of Kol with an autistic reader (if not really anything fluffy with Kol would be awesome!) Your fics are always amazing and have honestly become a part of my happy and cozy routine (along with a nice cup of hot chocolate and some cookies!) Thank you so much for being such an amazing author and for sharing your writing with us, this fandom is super lucky to have you!

Forever On My Mind

Kol Mikaelson x autistic!reader headcanons || Here lies my Masterlist

A/N: Okay, Annon? Whoever you are, I want you to know that you are the sweetest little bean alive and I adore you. What am I even supposed to do when I get an ask like this? Not cry from sheer overwhelming feels? I don't think so! I adore you, keep being your amazing self and I hope this makes you happy.

First of all, can I just say couple goals?

Seriously, you two are the epitome of love and understanding in a relationship.

You first saw Kol in a coffee shop where you confused him by purchasing hot chocolate. You noticed him but you were way too shy to actually start a conversation. (I mean, come on. The dude is so pretty. How are the rest of us even supposed to approach?)

So, it was a little odd when you started seeing him every day. 

He would always sit in the corner opposite to your spot. Sometimes you would catch him watching you and you were a little creeped out by that at first but then he smiled and waved and that put you at ease a little bit. Besides, he never followed you so it was fine. 

One day, though you were still too shy to actually talk to the guy, you walked right up to him and wordlessly held out a handful of bunny-shaped marshmallows. See, the boy never had any marshmallows in his drink and you thought that was a shame. You always brought some with you so you figured it would be nice to share. 

That was the moment Kol fell for you. 

In his eyes, you are the most adorable human being on the planet. 

All your quirks and habits never annoy him and he's always there to help you with anything you may need. 

He always makes sure you take your medication. Always. 

Cuddles? YES. 

If touch is kinda a big thing for you then even though he'll probably deny just how much he loves it at first, Kol is 100% living for your hugs.

Also, he trusts your judgment which is HUGE for him. Whether it's what movie you should watch or what is or is not a good idea, Kol actually trusts that you know what you're talking about because you're usually right.

You may have two left feet, but he loves dancing with you. Dancing has never been your strength, but Kol always makes you feel like you're walking on air. He makes you feel pretty and graceful.

Like this guy is seriously so soft.

People often get annoyed with you, but not him.

"Do you maybe want to watch a movie? It's okay if you're busy. I can go, it's no problem."

"Darling, I am one thousand years old and immortal. You are physically incapable of wasting my time. A movie sounds brilliant. I'll grab some popcorn. What do you want to watch?"

When you stim, Kol finds it absolutely adorable. Most of the time, when he sees you wringing your hands or jumping in place, he has to resist the urge to rush over to you and kiss you senseless. Seriously, it's so bloody cute! What's he supposed to do??

Hyperfixations may come and go, but Kol is always more than happy to join along for the ride. Anything that catches your interest is sure to be fun. 

He understands that you have a schedule and even though he is the most spontaneous person probably ever, he always does his best to ensure your days remain somewhat consistent. If that's not possible, then rest assured he'll notify you of any changes. Consider yourself lucky because nobody else will ever get a warning from him.

Kol delights in anyone who can make him feel just a little bit stupid. So your ability to pick up on patterns no one else seems to notice never fails to blow him away. He's fascinated by your lateral form of thinking. 

You catch things no one else does and he's more than grateful for your thorough approach to just about everything. Whereas he would probably just rush in, you're there to point out that: "No sweetheart, that's a trap."

Sometimes you repeat things, usually random facts, when nervous or excited but he never gets upset over it. Kol will tell you if you've already said something but he's never demeaning about it. Honestly, he's kind of amazed you can fit so much knowledge in your pretty little head when all those facts do not pertain to one another in the slightest. 

Now, it does take him a while to get over his passive-aggressive attitude because… well he's Kol.

When he talks, you're often left trying to figure out whether or not he was being rude. It's common for you to overthink his words.

He's always quick to reassure you though.

"Hey, with what you said earlier, did you mean-"

"Nope. Still love you."

Yeah, "I love you" gets passed around a lot. Not vocally, however. Usually, it's three taps. A little signal for when you forget to say it. Three taps on his arm to remind him that you care. He always returns the gesture. Even in his sleep.

Even though both of you often forget to actually say it out loud, those three simple words are pretty evident in everything you do.

Tagging: @yn-ymn-yln@r13mar@rootbeerfaygo @iiskittles16ii @fandomrulesall-blog @dark-night-sky-99 @railingsofsorrow @apolloroid @thatweirdoleigh @misswe03 @eat-cake @felinegrate @cute-freak27 @fayeatheart @archangelslollipop @aonungs-tsahik @sleepneverheardofher @heartbreakgrill @whatsupb18 @enchantedlandcoffee @trikigirl271 @dreamingwithrafe @her-violent-delights @witchcraftandgeekness

#my name is cas and i write stuff #kol mikaelson #fanfic #the originals #fluff #rebekah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #klaus mikaelson #kol mikaelson headcanons #kol mikaelson fan fiction #kol mikaelson fanfiction #kol mikaelson x reader #klaus x reader #the vampire diaries #the originals headcanon #the mikaelsons #tvd #tvd headcanons #tvd fanfiction #tvd fanfic #elijah mikaelson x reader #rebekah mikaelson x reader #sweet bby #reader insert #kol x reader #x reader #tvd imagine #vampire diaries headcannon #injury headcanon #fluffy fluff

[robynroost]

Okay so I've done some write-ups for various fandoms in the past, and having been in the Stardew Valley for a little while now (I'm soo LATE to the game but I'm glad I get to experience it!) I thought why not a Shane fiction seeing as he is my absolute favourite character! Really be addicted to this man istg ;-; anyway, I'm not sure what write ups are like here, but I wanna share! Hope y'all like it! It's short and sweet, not great either, but I enjoyed writing it all the same ^^

The Long Walk Home

(Fic based on Shane's 8 heart event during the storm)

Pairing - Shane x Farmer (Female Y/n!)

Warnings - Mentions of sui*ide, depression, anxiety etc. Hospitals, alcoholism...

Description - After spending your evening speaking with Emily about your previous encounter with Shane at Marnie's ranch (previous heart event) an early storm roles in as you leave, taking the long walk back to your little farmhouse. It isn't until your foot bumps into something odd that you realise not everything is as it seems in Cindersap Forest...

Thunder rolled overhead. What had previously been predicted for the end of the Summer season had come early: a torrential downpour of fat, heavy luke-warm raindrops and the whip-cracking sound of clouds crashing into eachother at such an outstanding velocity that the sky tore in two with the claws of lightning bolts.

You had been perched upon a stool inside the cozy Stardrop Saloon of Pelican Town, head buried into your muddied arms with your right hand clutching onto a half-empty glass of water after a long day in the fields. Work hadn't intended to be so difficult, albeit the thought of what had happened the day previously had you wracking your brains with guilt and worry for the past several hours - even as you attempted to sleep.

"I'm sure Shane will be fine." Emily sat opposite you, her hand working a cloth inside one of the Saloon glasses as she continued, her expression attempting to be cheerful with a splash of hope, "I've known him ever since he moved here with little Jas. He's always been to himself, always here drinking..."

Your head snapped upright with a frown, "That's the point. He's always drinking, and he's always to himself..." You wavered your hand in a gesture that could only explain your worry further, "I mean- who has actually spent the time to ask him how he's really feeling?"

Emily replied with a shrug and a frown, "Nobody really gets much else out of him than the snarky replies, so nobody really bothers." She buried her hand deeper into the glass as she spoke, your eyes watching closely as the squeaking became louder,  "I do tend to get more of a friendlier conversation mind you, but that's about it, poor guy..."

"Guess I'm just worried about him is all, he does seem like a lovely person. I've spent enough time with him at the dock to see that." You murmured with a shrug.

Another splitting crash of thunder had the walls of the Saloon shake. You narrowed your eyes upward towards the celling as if you expected the entire thing to collapse under the sheer malice of such a storm. Emily too shared your concerned expression and took a step back, tipping her head a few times towards the door, "You best be off if you want to get home in one piece."

"Yeah too right," you agreed whilst scooping yourself up and fixing your boots into place, "Thanks for the chat though. I'll go see how Shane's doing tomorrow. Gonna be passing that way back home actually, I fancy a walk."

With a wave and a bow of farewell you were on your way, arms crossed to shield yourself from the debris that the wind had managed to strip from the trees as you made your way back through Cindersap Forest. The rain had practically flooded you by the time you'd taken five steps out of the Saloon, but you welcomed it. Summer had been unusually hot this year, and you and your crops needed the much needed water to moisten your dry skin.

Now with such dark, thick clouds overhead, you struggled to see a good few feet ahead of you, and the jet stream of rain didn't seem to help either.

Of course I forgot my flashlight... how could I possibly-

Clank!

That wasn't thunder...?

There it was again. That same clanking noise that sounded awfully familiar to "Beer cans...?"

There now resting cold and wet in your hand was an empty beer can after you had bent down to investigate. It had to be the same brand of alcohol as the cans you had seen in Shane's room yesterday. That's when a heavy gust of wind disturbed the forest floor and with that the sound of various other cans echoed down the pathway leading towards the edge of the forest, close to the cliffside.

Curiosity always got the better of you, you'd admit, but this was a different sort. It was anxiety bubbling away in your stomach, a knot so tight and horrifying it urged you to just go and follow that ominous trail - it was fear gnawing away at your bones...

So you followed with a frown.

A can here, a can over there... until you saw it through the flash of lightning. A silhouette of a man face down, teetering on the edge of the cliffside, surrounded by empty cans.

You could barely feel your throat vibrate when your chest constricted, letting out a terribly frightened yelp. Your feet charged aimlessly towards the scene, your heart rampaging inside your chest. You collapsed next to him, hands gripping onto the drenched blue rugged jumper as you begged for him to show you any signs of life, "Shane- come on Shane wake up!"

There was a sudden shift, and you felt yourself flopping back onto your knees with wide eyes and a slack jaw, hands now buried into your lap.

"...Y/n?" Shane barely managed to wheeze out at you, jaw clenched and eyes shut firmly. He stifled a sob, "I...I'm sorry..."

You found yourself silent and unmoving, as if you had a complete understanding of the situation and knew what to do: let Shane speak his truth. Regardless, you couldn't make much noise from your voice box through the shock anyway.

The man let out a drunken hiccup and barely managed to take in another breath as he continued, "M...My life... it's a pathetic joke."

Your eyes, heavy with sadness, caught sight of the tears that escaped his ducts. Even with such heavy rain, you could just tell that those droplets sliding down his cheek grew more heavy than the downpour itself.

Shane continued, "Look at me... why do I even try?" Sobbing again, much harder this time, Shane recoiled into himself. He felt his hand slip over the edge of the cliffside and narrowly opened an eye to take a look out into the horizon, "I'm too small and stupid to... to take control of my own life. I'm just a p... piece of soiled garbage flittering in the wind..." He jerked, having almost thrown up the incredibly high amount of alcohol he had consumed prior, and felt himself nearing the edge some more, eyes now focusing on the border of the cliffside, "I've been coming here often lately... looking down... here's a chance to finally take control of my life... these cliffs..."

You could have sworn you felt your heart shatter. You knew Shane was struggling but not like this... it had you completely broken listening to the pain in his voice. Your hands shook uncontrollably as you continued to listen.

"B... but I'm too scared-" Shane jolted again, forcing his mouth shut, "... too anxious. Just like always..."

You felt Shane's attention focus on you this time, "Y/n... all I do is work, sleep and drink...t... to dull the feelings of self-hatred." He was now angling his head towards you, deep green eyes focused on your own as you silently gasped with a visible flinch, "Why should I even go on? Tell me... T... Tell me why I shouldn't roll off this cliff right now."

A moment of clarity finally hit. You knew this was your time to speak. Shane gazed at you expectantly, deep purple hair clinging to his drenched face.

You took a deep breath, barely holding back a sob of your own, before steadying yourself to speak with a broken expression,  "The decision is your own. Just know that I'm here for you."

Shane remained silent for a moment, and another roaring crash of thunder echoed overhead. The storm should surely pass soon.

Finally, he answered, a small glint of hope now shining through the dark shadow behind those eyes, "... Thanks. I appreciate that. I really do."

Your head tipped to the side, a sad frown formed upon your face as you attempted to place your hand upon Shane's, but ultimately pulled back. Shane let out a gurgled cough and groan before attempting to lift himself, though he barely managed a few centermeters before collapsing back down, "Y/n... I think you should take me to the hospital now."

Your eyes widened, and you barely had time to even think before you were on your feet and gently scooped Shane up, letting him wrap his arms around your shoulders to keep him upright, "It's gonna be a long walk... but I'll get you there. Just don't give up Shane. Stay awake. Let me know if you need to stop or anything, okay?"

Shane whined out in pain but stabled himself against you, wincing in pain as he barely managed to stand straight. He nodded, gripping onto you as if his life depended on it- which it did, of course.

You gave him a squeeze for comfort and began your perilous walk, "I'll get you there Shane. I promise..."

***

White hospital lights hummed overhead. You found yourself waking from a short nap, head against the pearl-coloured sheets of a bed, but not your own. As you rose to sit upright, your tired eyes caught sight of Shane. He was tucked neatly under the sheets, hair now mostly dry and fluffed up, sticking in all different angles but mainly falling over his closed eyes. His chest rose and fell softly in such a way that at long last showed relaxation for such a mentally exhausted individual.

A sigh of absolute relief escaped your lungs, finding yourself gazing at the man's face in awe of how peaceful he finally seemed.

"How are you Y/n?" The voice that jolted you upright was none other than Harvey, the town doctor and one you knew well. He came to stand bedside your chair, looking down.

You offered Harvey a reassuring smile, "I'm doing okay, thank you Harvey. Just a little cold."

A small nod from Harvey reaffirmed his content with your own wellbeing. You hadn't come down with a fever, nor a cough, so you were going to be fine. He then turned his attention to Shane, "I've pumped his stomach and re-hydrated his body. He's going to be okay."

You gave Harvey a slow nod, sighing in the process as you frowned softly, eyes locked onto Shane's face as he slept. You felt the warmth of Harvey's hand meet your shoulder to offer some comfort as he spoke, "It's good you brought him in, though."

A wave of concern washed over Harvey's face as he spoke, "Too much alcohol is terrible for the body, but I'm more worried about his mental health..."

Me too... you wanted to speak that out loud, but something stopped you. For now, you just wanted to remain silent.

"Once he comes to," Harvey continued, "I'll have a chat with him about his treatment options. I know an excellent councelor in Zuzu City."

Ha... something that concrete jungle is actually good for...

You felt yourself shudder. Shane seemed so peaceful now... so content. You could hardly believe that you could have lost him tonight. If you hadn't made your way back through Cindersap, who knows what would have happened... Harvey's hand squeezed your shoulder to bring you back round, and you gazed upward to meet his eye.

"Life can be painful, sometimes..." Harvey spoke with a spark of confidence, "But there's always hope for a better future. You've got to believe in that." With that, Harvey removed his hand and gave you a smile before exiting the room. You heard the audible click of the door as it shut and felt your gaze drift back over towards Shane.

Your head tipped to the side, and with a small smile, you placed your hand upon Shane's. He stirred slightly, fingers twitching, before he too began to smile ever so slightly. You felt a jolt within your chest, a warm fuzzy feeling that completely shrouded each nerve ending within you. Tonight's events... the way you felt yourself gazing so protectively over the man ahead of you, and the idea of almost losing him had your head spinning until finally you felt realisation dig its claws into you.

You'd fallen for him. You had fallen in love, and you'd almost lost that all in one night, but here you were with your hand against Shane's own.

Now you were just thankful you had taken the long walk home.

#stardew shane #stardew valley #stardewvalleyshane #sdv #stardew #shane x farmer #shane x reader #stardewvalley

[dreamhot]

hey folks

i've expressed this in passing on my alt, but i wanted to start off by saying that i've remained relatively quiet on the situation for numerous reasons - the primary one being that i didn't want to position myself as a place where people would go in order to form their own opinions. others have made more detailed posts on why that can be a problem (see: anchoring bias, as one potential issue), but for me, it was mostly because there was simply no accounting for how everyone might be reacting to the situation. i could speak for myself and nobody else - so why bother, in a circumstance in which we were (and still are) missing so much information?

however, the potential downside of silence is twofold: 1) some people conflate neutrality with a defense of the 'bad' option, and 2) those who share a similar stance might feel... very alone, in an incredibly divisive environment. the most vocal parties are almost always the extremes, and sometimes it feels as though there's no room for people who don't feel they fit in with either camp. and while this is online drama (meaning it doesn't functionally matter in the grand scheme of things), it can still feel scary and alienating, especially when a conflict of this nature springs up so suddenly.

to those who might've felt isolated, confused, conflicted, torn between opposing viewpoints with guilt over how you should or shouldn't be feeling - i'm sorry, and i hope that you've been able to step back and, if necessary, speak with people who might have helped you to process these events as healthily as possible. i will say that whatever your conclusions may be, whether you've decided already or you're still figuring things out, they should come from introspection and your own outlook & comfort level - not what some blogger or twitter user told you to feel. guidance is fine, but the only person who can determine your feelings at the end of the day is you.

i think twitter and tumblr have been the respective homes of the two extremes - the former being those who recklessly posted unquestioning support for dream and cruelly attempted to dismantle & disparage the accuser's statements with nitpicking and mockery, the latter being those who immediately took the most condemning view of the situation and projected their own sentiments as the moral absolute (with the tacit threat that feeling any other way was reprehensible). as someone who resonated with neither group, it was a fraught week to say the least - and i know i wasn't alone in that unsettled space between two vocal factions.

at this juncture, i don't intend to write an essay detailing my precise opinions on the matter - for that, i would simply direct you to jan dwter's post on the situation, which pretty much lays out my exact thought process in its entirety. for now, i would like to highlight one part of her post that i feel is particularly cogent:

"this entire thing is just so entirely subjective and if your personal opinions and values find this all shitty, absolutely no one is going to try and say to feel otherwise, at least not me. but to completely ignore that its just that–personal–values and opinions that determine how you view this, and act as though it is objectively some morally bankrupt, impossible to understand, predatory situation just feels reactionary and disconnected from real life at best and just shitty and even virtue signalling at worst."

the above paragraph does well to capture my stance that compassion has been severely lacking here (a beat not unlike how january shook out), as there's been a distinct conflation of personal feelings with What Is Undeniably Right/Wrong. i think most if not all of us would agree that dream is far from blameless (and if you feel he's done absolutely nothing amiss, here is where i will politely disagree), but different people will still undoubtedly have outlooks that vary based upon any number of factors unique to them and their experiences. from my perspective, there is no moral absolute here. it's really up to the individual person to decide whether or not they choose to support dream going forward.

for me personally, i echo a sentiment i've heard multiple places now - this situation has shown me that i would benefit from disengaging somewhat, if only because that small bit of distance truly does wonders for my mental health and clarity. as it stands, i'm uncertain about the future of this blog & how active i may or may not be in the fandom. my choice to continue following the content for now is contingent on (what is presumably) the obvious, and i know i'll be extra mindful going forward of anything that might strike me as new evidence of actions behind which i cannot rightfully stand. at the same time, this has all taught me that i'm perhaps not as parasocial as i initially feared - all things considered, i kept a level head, i read multiple perspectives, i talked to many people (online and irl), i settled on my stance, and the world continued turning. as my favourite adage goes, this too shall pass.

for now: keep an open mind. be willing to incorporate new information and process it fully without guilt or judgement. remain flexible to changing opinions even if you're steadfast in your convictions. and above all else, strive for compassion. listen to victims, look at the whole context in challenging or confusing situations, support those who might be in need if you're able. it's impossible to know everything, from details on cc controversies to how the people around you might be reacting to something stressful or even traumatic - but we can do our best to be understanding and patient. it's not easy, least of all in circumstances like these where emotions are going to be understandably intense, but ... sometimes choosing love takes effort. it's a worthwhile cause, however.

take care of each other, yeah?

#manifestos everywhere. i'm sure you can gather what this is about #additionally: if you want to unfollow/sb/hb you are welcome to do so #the dash is your space. curate it as you see fit. i say this without animosity or judgement #i know i'll be doing the same on my end #cheers x #also: inbox staying off for now #reach me on alt if need be

[neonfuturelove]

Two Years Ago; DR3

Part one: Two Years On//Part two: Two Years Ago//Part three: Battle of the Exes

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x you

Summary: looking back to the breakup with Dan so it's just a bowl of angst with a sprinkling of sad

Warnings: swearing/arguing

Word count: 2.9k

A/N: i didnt expect part one to get so much love, thank you!!! and sorry that Dan is an ass so far lol please let me know your thoughts and if you'd like more of Daniel's POV in future :))

Since Daniel’s summer break began you’d felt the dynamic between the pair of you had changed. You couldn’t pinpoint when he’d became cold with you; no matter how much you scoured your brain for a wrong-doing or misspoken words you came up blank. You’d managed to tolerate his behaviour for the past week you’d been back in Australia vising family, few conversations had been shared and responses had been limited to one-word answers. Nobody that you’d met up with had seemed to notice the cold air between you; Dan still made your drinks, threw his arm around your shoulder in company, laughed at your jokes just as you did his but it all felt like a charade. As soon as you were without company there was an invisible force pushing you further away from one another.

The pair of you were currently entertaining Daniel’s parents for dinner, laughter and conversation flowed freely around the table and you had hope that perhaps this would be the night that would break the tension between you both. The longer the night went on the more that didn’t seem to be so; Daniel would convey a simple story with such expression and enthusiasm that would have his parents on the edge of their seat waiting for the punchline and when it came with his widespread grin, guffaw and his eyes filled with warmth, happiness flickered between company around the table but once he landed on you his eyes ran cold and his grin twitched slightly lower than before attempting to not faulter the charade in front of his parents.

As though she could read your mind racing wildly Daniel’s mother, Grace, gave you a gentle touch on the arm to bring your attention back to the table. You gave a timid smile before standing and gathering up empty plates from the table, a perfect excuse as hostess to compose yourself momentarily. You walked into the kitchen, dropping plates into the sink before rinsing them off under the tap water. Guilt filled your lungs, the want for the evening to end sooner rather than later when it’s one of the few moments of the year Daniel got to share relaxed with his family at home.

“Need a hand?” Grace’s voice made your head snap back to her presence, you really had been in your own head tonight. Flashing her a grateful smile, you shook your head telling her it was your job as hostess after all. “I know all about hosting and the dishes are always the most stressful part,” she giggled politely and in turn you thanked her as she decided she’d wash and you could dry. Grace allowed the pair of you to share a few small moments of silence before she questioned you, “anything else stressing you out?” You lied, dismissing her question and claiming that everything was fine, avoiding the eye contact she was searching for.

Grace gave a small hum of acknowledgment, “I don’t mean to pry but I can sense whatever it is between you and my son out there.” You shifted in place suddenly feeling uncomfortable at the conversation, you weren’t about to bad mouth her own son to her face and you knew Dan wouldn’t appreciate you divulging anecdotes of your relationship troubles without his knowledge. “Every relationship has it’s challenges,” she continued, still washing off the plates slowly enough to keep you in the kitchen with her, “especially when you’re still young like the pair of you. You just need to find your own way to work things out.”

You were stunned by Grace’s candid words but they were exactly what you needed to hear, you felt yourself cave under the comfort of her words, “has he said anything to you? It’s just ever since we got home, something’s different between us and I can’t figure it out. He’s just-” You stopped before you shared too much, sighing heavily.

“You two have spent such an amazing life together so far,” Grace started, the pair of you halting the dishwashing and facing each other now. “From being school friends to him jetting off racing and coming back for you; not everyone would drop out of university for a guy you know.” You did know. Plenty of people had told you at the time how foolish you were being, but you’d never given in to your feelings for Daniel when you were younger because you both knew he’d eventually leave and as soon as he did it felt like an even bigger mistake not pursuing each other sooner. Dropping out of university to fall in love with one of your best friends and support him in his career caused many people to voice their uninvited opinions on the matter at the time, but you’d silenced them all when years later you were still going strong, “But that’s love. People say love conquers all but it takes a lot of work too. Just don’t forget who you are in the middle of everything,” Grace enveloped you in a hug. Closing your eyes on her shoulder and savouring the moment and her reassuring words.

Daniel cleared his throat alerting us to his presence and bringing us apart, “we got anymore beer?” His voice was low. You offered to go to the shop and buy some more but Grace quickly interrupted that they were best to leave now with it getting late.

Daniel’s parents grabbed their belongings and exchanged hugs with you both before leaving. Grace held on a little tighter to Dan than usual, whispering something in his ear you couldn’t make out. He clicked the door behind her and turned to you, his eyes trained on you but you couldn’t make out his emotions, you smiled at him; maybe Grace was right, a little work and love would conquer again. “That was a nice eveni-”

“I’m going to run a bath.” Dan had already walked off before interrupting you. His voice back to its uncharacteristically cold and stern sound. Your eyes rolled in your head at his demeanour right before the speakers blasted music far too loudly for anyone to enjoy a relaxing bath. You held your tongue, slouching on the sofa and replied to some texts you’d missed over the few hours you’d been entertaining. Eventually the music stopped, hearing his footsteps padding along the floor of the bedroom momentarily until they head out to you.

He had some loose black shorts on, the bottom of his tattoo exposed on his thigh, spots of water sprinkled across his bare chest and his face held an expression you’d rarely seen. “Why the fuck did you bring my mother into this?” He spat out, your mouth opened but nothing came out, you were in disbelief. Of course you’d bickered over the years but he’d never spoken to you like this before. Whatever Grace had said to her son on her exit was evidently in relation to your conversation. “Nothing, no? Of course not. Perfectly fine to make out to my mother I’m the worst person in the world, though.”

“Dan, I didn’t. I swear,” you slowly stood, not breaking eye contact with him. His eyes looked as if they could light a fire underneath you at any second. “She asked, she just knew,” you were stammering over your words unsure of what to say to his outburst, “I don’t know how but I swear I didn’t say anything.” Your heart felt like it was in your throat, slowly suffocating you with tears glistening in your eyes.

“You’re unbelievable,” he raked his hand through his wet curls, pacing back and forth in front of you, his chest rising up and down with his frustrated breath. The man you were looking at was a stranger compared to the man he was a mere month ago; Grace’s words echoed in your head again, we have to figure out our way of navigating the inevitable rough times in the relationship. You walked over to Dan stopping him in his tracks, you were convinced the fire in his eyes settled slightly as they looked into yours; a tear spilt over onto your cheek. Gently, you raised your hand to rest on his cheek, the scruff of his beard under your touch.

“I promise,” you whispered, “your mum knew there was something going on, but she didn’t know what. I don’t know what. She just told me not to give up, as long as we love each other we’ll be okay we can work on whatever it is,” Dan’s face had fallen into a small frown as you spoke the advice you were holding on to. He took a hold of your wrist causing you to tentatively smile and release a breath you weren’t aware you were holding. This felt like the closest you’d been since you got home, his touch against your delicate skin slowly removing the barrier he’d built in front of him.

Unexpectantly, he removed your hand from his face and dropped it at your side. “I don’t think we can,” the words shattered your hope and it took all of your might to not let your knees collapse from under you. Your eyes still bore into his own, you were ruined in that moment yet he continued to twist the dagger already in your chest; telling you of how he knew you had your own dreams that were on hold whilst he travelled the world fulfilling his own, how it would be better for you to achieve what you were capable of. That he knew you wanted to start a family one day but he couldn’t promise when, he had no intention of giving up racing so why should you give up your life to fit into his. His face held no recognisable emotion when he stopped, it sounded as though he’d read off a script making you wonder how long he’d planned to leave you, how many times he’d recited it to himself while you were too busy trying to paper over the cracks.

“No,” was all you managed to croak out, your throat tight. “No. You don’t get to decide that. It’s bullshit!” Your hands pushed against his hard chest but he kept his ground accepting your anger.

Grace’s final sentiment replayed in your head, don’t forget who you are in the middle of everything, did she know this was how he felt? Had you lost yourself? The pair of you always gloated how you’d put everyone to shame by lasting as long as you did despite you giving up everything for him.

“Peanut,” you snarled at the pet name usually saved for more affectionate moments than this, “you’re too smart to just follow me around. I just want you to be happy, I can’t let you just throw your life away because of me.”

“Why now?” You weren’t holding back the tears anymore, “we always said it didn’t matter as long as we were happy. I am happy, it’s not your choice what I do with my life. I just,” you sobbed. Dan’s arms cradled you, holding you there for minutes while you cried against his bare chest. Surely this was a nightmare or an elaborate practical joke, you felt him whisper an apology against your temple. “Don’t,” you stepped out of his hold, “don’t tell me you’re sorry. If it bothers you that much then I’ll try to do something, I’ll do the online classes or, I don’t know. We can do something, we haven’t spoken about the future and what our family looks like in forever, we can figure it out,” you felt like you were begging but you didn’t know what else to do. Dan’s head shook, you knew he was decided.

There was only one circumstance that you would accept and make sense to you, “do you not… love me anymore?” His jaw clenched at the question with tears threatening to spill from his eyes now too. You inhaled a breath and almost choked, his silence was deafening and you refused stand there and wait to hear his answer, you had to have some dignity left after this. “I have to go,” you frantically pushed past him, scooping up some shoes and coat with Dan behind you calling out your name to stay. You slammed the door behind you and ran toward your car still barefoot, your vision blurred between tears and you couldn’t even feel the stones beneath your feet carrying so much more pain elsewhere.

You drove instinctively, relieved there was a lack of headlights from other drivers on the road as you sniffled and sobbed to your destination. You parked outside, turning off the engine but not wanting to get out just yet. Looking toward the familiar door you felt another sob leave your body before you clambered out of the car and up the steps of the patio. You gave a knock and took a breath, “hey kiddo,” your fathers words opened a whole new wave of tears, “I’ll go get your mother,” panicked as he ushered you in. Before he could move your mother was already bounding down the stairs and scooping you into a hug, your body shook as she stroke the back of your head gently shushing and rocking you just as she did when you were a child.

“It’s over,” your words muffled against her shoulder, “he’s left me, mum, it’s over.” You felt her squeeze you tighter to her and your father’s hand on your back. What you couldn’t see was the concerning glance your parents shared. “I don’t know what to do, I didn’t know where to go,” you peeled yourself away from your mother’s embrace, hanging your head in shame at your sad state.

“I’ll make some tea,” your father finding an excuse to avoid an emotional conversation.

“I just want to sleep,” you uttered, wanting it to be a hideous nightmare you’d wake from. Trundling upstairs to your familiar bedroom still untouched just as you left it years ago, you climbed into the cold duvet and checked your phone. You stared at his name and the word ‘online’ beneath it; who was he talking to, was he staring back at your name waiting to apologise and take back all he’d said, no. Was he already sharing the news of your breakup probably planning a boys night out. You stared until your eyes closed, exhausted, you fell asleep away from the living nightmare.

Daniel hadn’t moved from his slump on the sofa since you’d walked out, he felt frozen in place, shocked at how quickly everything had changed. Admittedly, his outburst seemed a little abrupt, closing his eyes with regret from his raised voice toward you but he'd felt like a volcano brewing ever since the pair of you landed back in Aus. He'd rehearsed his reasons for breaking up in his head to prevent him from backing out when the time came but he hadn’t prepared for your face as he spoke them out loud. How fragile you looked when he held you convinced if he didn’t wrap you up in that moment he was terrified you’d shatter, your eyes that were usually crying with laughter now crying because he was the person to hurt you. The one thing he'd promised himself, and your father, that he would never do and he hated himself for it but he hated even more being the reason you didn’t fulfil your potential. That was part of why he'd fallen in love with you, your intelligence, your ambition yet somehow he had stripped away those parts of you.

He'd overheard various people from around the paddock ask what you had done for a living and he heard you hesitate every time telling them how you’d left university for him. “Maybe one day,” he’d heard you say that more than once when asked if you’d ever go back to pursue your career and it gave him a pang of guilt every time. Relationships were supposed to be about compromise but here there was none, he was selfish in his career and he’d always acknowledged that but never had it occurred to him just how selfish it was that he got both the career he loved and the girl he loved.

God, did he love you. You made him feel like there was nobody else in the room, your eyes always lingered on him even if you were in conversation elsewhere, laughing at his jokes that weren’t even funny, picking him up after every bad race. He questioned where you’d gone, a friend’s house, your parents’ home possibly; either way he’d be hated by someone right about now. Opening up his messages and clicking on your name, he realised he had a million things to say and nothing all at once, nothing substantial enough to bring you back to him. He didn’t deserve you, no apology would suffice in order to bring you back right now.

online

His heart leapt into his throat. You were on the other end of the phone wherever you had escaped to but he felt lightyears away. His heart pounded in his chest waiting for you to type. If you asked to come back he’d say yes. If you asked to start over he’d say yes. If you asked him if he loved you he’d say yes a thousand times over. He anticipated you to start typing but eventually, offline. Throwing his head back onto the couch the room felt cold, the air filled with his malicious words and the sound of your sobs lingering in his mind. He called the one woman he knew would answer his call at this hour, “sorry it’s late, mum. I, er, I think I've fucked up big time,” he asserted.

“I’m sure you have,” now it was his turn to cry over you.

#daniel ricciardo fic #daniel ricciardo x you #f1 fic #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo

[scribbles97]

Left Behind - Chapter 53

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 Chapter 48 / Chapter 49 / Chapter 50 / Chapter 51 / Chapter 52 Read on AO3

Going back to the hospital the following morning was the last thing on Lucy’s mind. Whilst she had been with Scott there had been a distraction for her, the focus on Tia and what happened next for the young security specialist. But once she had returned to the apartment her thoughts had turned elsewhere.

Hugh had always been a friend. Since Sally had introduced him as a potential manager for the Europe base of Tracy Industries, Hugh, Jeff, and Lucy had all talked frequently. She couldn’t count the number of nights they had shared a tipple and a laugh between them, of course it had continued after Jeff.

He had been there. Hugh had lost the woman he had loved all his life when Penelope had been but a babe. When he had listened to Lucy it had seemed different to anyone else’s ear, there were no condolences or words that sounded falsely hopeful, just a quiet reassurance that someone else really did understand.

And she had fallen. She had fallen so hard without even realising it.

But now Jeff was coming home.

“You mustn’t sit dwelling.”

She glared from the sofa at the taller older man, hugging her mug of coffee slightly closer as he closed the door and stepped into the room.

“Good morning Kyrano.” She sighed, looking down into the mug.

“Jeff has been gone for an extended period. Do you not think he would expect your eye to wander?”

Jolting upright, she glared over the back of the sofa, “Kyrano!”

He simply smiled from where he was leaning against the kitchen counter, like the cat that got the cream. His intention was to rile her.

Well she wasn’t going to rise to it.

“Lord Creighton-Ward is an attractive title, not to mention the looks of the man himself.”

“Tia’s fine by the way.” She sniped, sinking back down with her coffee.

“I have just come from the hospital, she and Scott were talking to the neurological specialist.” He stated turning to the kettle, “I take it that it was a discussion with Scott that made you realise how you felt about Hugh?”

Lucy shook her head, he was being pushy, not to mention how overt he was being about it. The man had a point to make and, for once, wasn’t interested in his usual gently-gently approach.

“Would you drop it!?” She sighed, “Yes, I love him, alright? Is that what you want to hear? I love him but I never realised it because I never thought that there would be anyone other than Jeff. He’s coming home though and that’s made me realise that I love Hugh and I don’t want to lose him out of my life just because my actual husband is coming home and--”

The sight of Kyrano sipping quietly out of a cup of tea made her blood boil, “How can you just stand there drinking tea!?”

“I was letting you get things off of your chest.”

His calmness was irritating. How could he understand? His heart belonged to Onaha and he had never so much as looked at another person in lust.

“Have you perhaps considered that you can love someone without it being romantic?” He asked, watching her as he sipped his tea again.

She frowned as she looked across at him, “What do you mean?”

The look he gave her over the top of his cup was pure disdain.

“Come now Lucy, do you not love Evangeline?”

“Like a sister.” She nodded, Val had been part of her life for longer than she could remember. There were things she had talked about with her that nobody else would ever know, but that was different.

“Did you have intimate relations with Hugh?”

“I’ll throw this mug at you in a minute.”

“We all know that you threaten violence as an outlet without ever intending any harm.” Kyrano tutted, “But again, I don’t believe that Mister Tracy would hold it against you. Maybe you should speak to him about it?”

If it weren’t for her aching leg she would have got up and stormed from the room. As it was she had neither the strength or energy to shift from where she sat, even if it weren’t for Kyrano’s eyes pinning her in place.

“I did not sleep with Hugh!” She yelled, “Alright? I didn’t even realise how I felt until yesterday! I mean-- how badly can you screw up? Wait until you find out your dead husband’s alive before you fall in love with someone else.”

Kyrano’s soft snort was emphasised by the cup being raised to his mouth, “I think you fell in love with him long ago Lucy, you simply did not wish to acknowledge it, and now you must.”

He wasn’t her counsellor. She didn’t even know if he had some sort of qualification in psychiatry. Maybe he just knew her too damn well.

“You were in love with the man before Mister Tracy was even gone.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She spat, “I love Jeff.”

“And how many people asked you about Hugh the morning after Scott’s passing out parade?”

The night of the party was vague in her mind, but the conversations with Val and then Scott and Virgil were seared into her mind.

“I was drunk.”

“A drunk mind is quite the expressive thing.”

“Kyrano.” She warned, “Just stop it okay? Hugh and I-- we’re not-- I love him but not like I love Jeff! And he’s coming home. He’s going to need me, he’s not going to need to be questioning if I truly love him or if I’m about to run off with a friend .”

Kyrano set his mug down on the counter top, the soft clink of the ceramic the only sound in the room. He held her eye for a moment and she wasn’t sure if she was meant to say more or if he was waiting to say something.

“Does The Mechanic mean anything to you?”

She spread her hands at the change in topic, thrown by his question and how it related to anything.

“No? I don’t-- what’s this got to do with anything?”

She hated his riddles. Hated how he seemed to know so much but shared so little. What did it have to do with her relationship with Hugh?

“I would talk to them both. Especially Mister Tracy, you may be surprised by their opinions.”

She sat straighter as he headed for the door, “But what about the Mechanic? Kyrano! You can’t just--”

He paused with his hand on the knob, “Tanusha is looking into a new role for Ms Anwar, I must go and discuss it with her and our team.”

“So what? I’m just meant to figure the rest out myself? You want me to tell Jeff that I haven’t had a love affair whilst he’s been gone but now I am? You want me to remember who the hell The Mechanic is?”

Kyrano shrugged, “I never said anything about remembering The Mechanic.”

That caught her, no, he hadn’t. Why did she get the feeling she should be able to remember him?

“I’ll speak to you later Lucy.”

Before she could protest he was gone and she was alone. Sinking back into the sofa she sighed heavily, wondering what the hell she was meant to do next.

#thunderbirds are go #Lucille Tracy #Kyrano #thunderbirds 2015 #scribbles writes #thunderbirds #Left Behind AU #left behind part 5

[seidenbros]

Hi there! I love your Eddie x Reader fics, they are just so soft! So I looked through these prompt lists and found "long movie nights where one is in charge of the blanket and pillow fort and one is in charge of the snacks" and wondered,if you could maybe write something where they are already together and reader's parents are on a weekend trip or something, so they have the house to themselves and Eddie has never had a pillow fort before?Something sweet and short? If not, that's absolutely fine

Hello love!

Thank you so much for your words, they really mean a lot. And since I am a FAN of pillow and blanket fords myself, I just had to write this. So I hope you like what came out in the end 💚

Requests are open | prompt lists for inspiration | Stranger Things Masterlist

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader (I don't think I used any pronouns, if so, let me know)

Warnings/Tags: none, pure fluff

Word count: 1180

Pillows and Snacks

“Anything else we need?” Eddie asked after the two of you had compiled a list of snacks that you’d need for your movie night. There was probably more on that list than you would be able to eat in one night if you didn’t want to throw up, but you liked to have a variety. Who knew what you’d crave once you started watching Friday the 13th or Indiana Jones.You had a fair choice of movies right in front of you, but you’d planned this evening, this night, so you had a lot of time.

“I think that will be enough.”

“Alright. I’ll hurry.” Eddie leaned over the kitchen counter to give you a kiss, before he headed out of the door to get everything you’d need. 

Time for you to get to work. You could have gone together, but you’d told your boyfriend that you wanted to prepare something, a little surprise. Of course, he’d been curious, had tried to get you to talk, had even tried to bribe you, but you’d kept your mouth shut.

Before he’d come over, you’d been able to gather pillows and blankets already, so that you only had to move them to the living room. A couple of days ago, you’d talked late into the night, had shared childhood memories. One particular memory had piqued Eddie’s interest, because you’d talked about the many times that you’d built a pillow fort with your brother. Eddie knew what you were talking about, but he’d never built one, had never spent the night in one. There simply hadn’t really been the room  in the trailer, and he’d never wanted to do that alone. At one point, he’d felt too old for something like that. That was when you’d come up with that plan. Nobody is ever too old for pillow forts!

You pushed the table out of the way before you arranged the pillows, pulled up some chairs so that you could put the blankets over them. The TV was part of it all, because you still needed that to watch the videos. After a little bit of pushing a few more things around, you were quite happy with the outcome. A big grin spread on your face, because you couldn’t remember the last time you’d done something like this. It must have been a couple of years by now.

Right after you’d finished putting something to drink and the videos inside the pillow fort, you heard the door open.

“Honey, I’m home,” Eddie yelled, followed by a laugh. He always did that when it was just the two of you.

“In the living room.” You got up from the floor to greet him.

“They were out of push pops, but I got-” Eddie stopped when he looked up and saw what you’d done to the living room. “Um… what is going on here?” Confusion clouded his face, as he tried to figure out what had happened to the TV.

“Isn’t it obvious? A pillow fort!” You held your hands out in a grand gesture to present it to him.”After we talked, I thought that I couldn’t let you miss out on something like that. And I love pillow forts as well and haven’t done this in a long time. So for movie night, I thought we could watch the movies in there, and I brought a lot of blankets and pillows, so that it’s cosy inside, so that we could actually sleep in there. Only if you want.”

Eddie put the bags down right where he stood, before he closed the distance and picked you up. Laughter spilled from his lips, as he twirled you around.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” Eddie let you down on your feet again, took your chin between his thumb and forefinger to pull you in for a kiss.

“But you love crazy,” you whispered against his lips, stealing another kiss, before you took a step back.

“I love your crazy.” He winked at you, before he took the bags again, eyeing the pillow fort you’d built. “You did all this by yourself?”

“Sure. I’m an experienced pillow fort builder.” Bowing to him, you couldn’t suppress a chuckle.

“I’m impressed.” Eddie shoved the bags beneath the blankets, figuring that you’d need them in there, and that you could rather open them inside instead of unpacking out here.

“Thank you!”

“So, is my princess going to show me around her humble castle?”

Your cheeks still heated up when he called you this. Today was no exception. You took his hand in yours and went to the door of the fort, got on your knees and crawled in, beckoning him to follow you. Once you were both inside, Eddie looked around.

“It’s certainly bigger than it looks.” A nod of approval followed his words before he turned to you. “You did a great job.”

“Thank you again.” Your smile widened even more. Yes, you knew what you were doing when it came to pillow forts, but hearing him say that made you really proud. “And now for the movies.” You crawled forward again to get to the TV and start the first movie. It didn’t really matter in which order you watched them, because you’d already chosen what to watch.

When you crawled back to Eddie, he immediately pulled you against his side. You were both comfortably cuddled together between the pillows and blankets, lots of snacks to get you through the night around you. What could be better.

“Thank you… for all of this, y/n!” Eddie said against your cheek, before he brushed his lips against your skin. “This is the best surprise I’ve gotten in… I don’t know how long.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it!”

“Should we do this more often then?”

“We could.” He reached for your hand, brought it up to his lips to brush them across your knuckles. “You have to teach me how to do this next time.”

“You got yourself a deal, Munson.”

Eddie pulled you in for another kiss, but this time, it was more passionate, deeper, that your toes curled against the floorboard beneath you. His hand sneaked beneath your shirt, his thumb running slowly over the soft skin of your stomach.

You sighed into the kiss, before you broke it.

“Isn’t this supposed to be a movie night?” you asked with a chuckle, but left his hand right where it was, because you were too addicted to the way he touched you.

“In theory? Yes… practically…” The mischievous grin on his lips nearly made you cave in.

“Let’s make it through one movie, alright? And then… we’ll see.”

“You’re a tease, princess!” He leaned down to nip at your bottom lip, earning another chuckle from you.

“Shh… we’re watching a movie.”

You leaned against him, your head on his shoulder, while your hand joined his beneath your shirt, interlacing your fingers with his. It was a good movie, but you weren’t able to concentrate on it anymore, and soon your hands were all over each other.

Taglist: @violetpenguinkris @tellhound

If you want on that list, just let me know 💚

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fan fiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson imagine #stranger things fanfic #stranger things imagine #staffi writes #eddie munson x gn!reader

[arcademgmt]

and now i talk about the way yuki presents himself and his emotions and how it ties into his relationship with kieran. Nightmare incoming

so when yuki speaks on his Not So Great past experiences to people i think he walks a very treacherous line bc there is an inherent emotional aspect to them and like. he has to share emotions sometimes for the sake of other people. the only time he's really willing to do to it is if he thinks it'll help someone else. for example he has to do it to show dahlia he understands her plight. he has to express to kieran how Not Fun things have been for him to a degree.

however! he fine-tunes the way he talks about it to make it as unspecific as he can i think. like he will acknowledge the existence of that guilt and such but not his very specific experience with it and personal thoughts. and he's pretty good at being avoidant about it in a way that makes it seem like he has it under control.

he just kind of hopes nobody thinks too hard about the implications and if they do he can skirt around it if they ask and make it sound like he's got it all together.

it's interesting because i think like. generally speaking he isn't great with words right. like when he is speaking candidly. but if you pay attention you notice when he talks about this kind of stuff, it sounds like he's speaking naturally until you remember HIS way of speaking naturally is kind of scattered. like this is all shit he has rehearsed in his head a million times and just managed to figure out how to intone himself to make it SOUND natural.

so tying into all of that. an important facet of kieran and yuki's dynamic before the ending of ID is that the yuki kieran is that kieran is idolizing is a very idealized version of yuki. like... he is Blinded by this idea of someone strong and kind who seems to go on all these crazy adventures that he's only ever dreamed of right. because he felt like that kind of fantasizing was the only thing he ever really had and now that he sees someone ACHIEVING that he's like. that needs to be me. and i feel i need to Prove to him that it CAN be me. but here's the thing right.

kieran (albeit in a very strange way) is only seeing what he WANTS to see here. he is not seeing what got yuki to this point. he is not seeing that that is NOT something you would ever want to go through. and while he should not be putting yuki on a pedestal the way that he does or behaving the way that he is by any means. it is not entirely his fault for not seeing just how bad it really is because yuki is a fucking professional at hiding the circumstances that got him to where he is and the feelings that come with it. he is excellent at maintaining the persona of a friendly, extroverted open-book type because to a degree... he is actually like that! he genuinely is very friendly and extroverted but the open book part isn't as simple. he's open until you start asking about. certain personal things. and the way he avoids it/plays it off makes it seem like he's made peace with it/has his feelings under control and just prefers not to discuss it for personal reasons when the truth is he Absolutely Fucking Does Not Have It Under Control. in floretverse canon it is essentially inevitable that if you are the kind of trainer like yasuta or yuki you have been and will be exposed to Horrors Unfit For The Human Experience. and kieran does not know this. the first idea he gets of it is after the terapagos battle in which yuki just like. makes frighteningly intense eye contact with him (keep in mind that this is also the first time kieran REALLY looked into his eyes) and basically goes "you do not want to be me i promise" and does not elaborate further. and that's when it starts to sink in that there is more that he doesn't know. because in all reality he hasn't known yuki that long and Couldn't know and it makes him feel terrible for being so naive about it.

not only does kieran feel terrible about being naive about yuki's situation and how he glorified it in his head but now that he's picking up on how. Off. yuki is because he's really paying attention now. He's Worried. and if anybody knows what it's like to avoid talking about something and will be able to spot it from a mile away even at its most well-hidden it is him. he's already seeing what yuki's doing. all he had to do was get out of his own head and look a little closer. interesting because he spent so much time trying to get into yuki's head before he kinda snapped out of it but the yuki he was trying to replicate sort of. Wasn't real. but the second he is not so blindsided by his own desires and this Idea Of Him that he's created…!

#i need to put them. in a centrifuge #something so so wrong with both of them can you two just be normal 🥀 Sad #scvi: terastal heart #floretverse

[saraa-lancee]

If you don't mind, I think I've had a minor Epiphany about Gender and Names and I'm just gonna....

I've honestly really always hated my name. Not like in a visceral way but like. It just doesn't Feel Correct. It's Not Me in a way I can't explain.

I've felt this way since literally forever. As a kid, my brain rationalized it in a few ways.

It's a very popular name-- i was one of many. It was *the* popular name in my cohort until I got to high school. I don't know if that area was just booming with Raechels (and all 100 ways to spell it) or what. I feel like most little kids probably wouldn't love being one of like 10. It brings practical problems (are they talking to me? About me? Am I supposed to respond) but also like. Why does everyone (except for Ben and Ben) else get their own name, I guess. I don't know, I was in elementary school. But i always said I hated my name because it was so popular.

Then, I just hated it because of the way its spelled. I used to get teased about it. I don't think it was outright bullying because it wasn't ever genuinely mean but it still hurts when it happens a lot, y'know. It's technically spelled phonetically but everyone else spells it at least five different ways but mine was the Weird Way that nobody had ever seen. They'd seen Rachel and Racheal and Rachell and Raychel and whatever. But whenever other kids saw my name, they would make fun of how it's spelled. They'd intentionally say it wrong even though they knew I got upset (hell, some people still do that). They would say it wrong and say it wrong and it upset me and tease me for my "name being spelled wrong". (Like, It's not actual bullying but to this day when just about every one asks "is it pronounced Rachel or Rachelle" I flinch and i hate it. It's a professional setting and I was never even *actually* bullied but I still hate it).

Like, it's easy to say well obviously I don't like my name because it's common or it's irritating that everyone misspells or mispronounces my name (I'm side-eyeing you, DMV guy who took four tries to get it right). But at the end of the day, you don't actually really hate your name in those situations-- you hate your name being wrong. The name itself is fine. But for me, I realized recently that the problem wasn't just the irritation-- it was the name itself.

Like, when I think of myself, I've never ever thought my name matched, y'know? It's so hard to explain l but I'm hoping somebody might get it. Like, the name has always felt wrong on my tongue, on my lips. Ever since I was a child I just remember this feeling of "I'm not Raechel".

I went through a brief period recently of "i don't hate it, I just need to reframe it! I share a name with Rachel Carson, someone who was very important in Eagle conservation (something that is important to me)." But then I just really came to the realization that... I don't. I don't because *im not a Raechel*. (Any way you spell it)

I used to collect names (in a non-writer way) as a kid. Names I liked-- names I liked the sound of. Based on nothing, really. Susan. Margo. Carmen. Just characters in books or whatever. And I used to almost... try them on for myself. Whisper them and repeat them in my head and Think of them. But they weren't Right. And it felt a bit frustrating because My Name was Wrong and I couldn't find one that I thought felt better-- like shoe shopping but all they have is half sizes in the wrong direction. So I grew up, went to high school, and it was Whatever. Fuck it.

But now... I think I've always just been Like This and My Name just Didn't Match.

So I collected and tried on Girls Names because I was a Girl (just a bizzare Girl) and maybe I didn't like my name but I'd find one, as you do. As an autistic person, I think it just literally didn't occur to me at the time to consider "boy names" (black and white thinking and all). The concept of "other" or breaking a Labeled Box just didn't occur to me.

But a few months ago (maybe), something just snapped and the name Soren popped into my head. And I haven't been able to ignore it since. There's just... something about it.

At the end of the day, the name Soren has a lot of personal meaning to me, right from childhood. Maybe I'll decide it doesn't fit after all, who knows 🤷 Maybe it doesn't represent All of Me, but it definitely represents a Part of Me. (I don't think that makes any sense either but I digress).

So yeah, I've disliked my name because It's Not Me but I don't hate it because it Represents me. For now, I think I like Soren. I don't know, and I might decide later. I've never even had the courage to do the Starbucks thing (I am working woth social anxiety here) I don't know how I'm going to do this going forward (irl, etc) but for now, I Am Soren in some weird way I was never Raechel.

#soren rants #gender thoughts #rambling im sorry if anyone sees this it just felt so important to say it somehow #non-binary

[kobithedragon]

Yet another essay about tumblr (originally intended to be sent as an ask to @cyle but I decided to just post it here instead).

ps: I have a #tumblr tag for more meta-commentary (although if you scroll far down enough there's a very long and annoying essay I wrote that nobody really needs to read)

I did a meta-commentary tumblr meme thing for u and the team I hope u like it ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

There's good n bad of both sides of course, I just had this idea for a meme because there's a clear dichotomy between the different social platforms in our current day and age due to the ageing of the internet, and this'll only get more interesting as the internet ages further. Tumblr seems to be at somewhat of a fork in the road after Yahoo thought they were Facebook and bought x trendy social platform(s) to stay relevant after years of decline. However, unlike Facebook with Instagram, over the years Yahoo failed to adapt the once trendy flickr & tumblr to new trends such as the switch to smartphones (Instagram is a smartphone app before anything else) or the rise of video-based content (IGTV and now reels) and the ever increasing lean on social features rather than blogging features (Instagram's story replies leading to direct conversation rather than more forum-like reblogging to a thread).

Anyway, I'm glad Yahoo left tumblr virtually untouched besides a few tweaks and oversights that shrunk the traffic. A huge userbase at the cost of being like Instagram? Heck, ban whatever you like, but don't close the api. Tumblr is tumblr because I can thoroughly explore without an algorithm (thanks via chain!), I can reshare permanently (thanks reblogs!) and consistently and not sporadically (thanks queue!) to a publicly viewable and paginated archive without breaking any sort of links to the communities I shared from (thanks the via chain again!), I can do all this on whichever 3rd party software I choose with whichever features I want, aaaand I can annoy people in the dashboard by writing huge essays without a read more section. And we can all make a ridiculously long reblog chain together. At least to me, that's what tumblr is. Freedom to explore and express. No matter how tight the guidelines become due to everyone's least favourite fruit, who also claims to be the arbiter of the direct word of God (perhaps you've seen the post floating around where Apple disallows incorrect interpretations of religious scripture even though scholars have been arguing over what it all really means for quite some time now), the core mechanics of the tumblr platform allow for so much expression and diversity to be aggregated by everyone.

While tumblr isn't quite as "specialised" as flickr or "underground" like are.na, it has way more of an identity than Facebook. There's no such thing as a "Facebook user" because everyone is a Facebook user. It's the same with Instagram, and even Pinterest. Everyone uses them because they appeal to everyone. And that's fine of course, because tumblr also wants to appeal to a diverse community. But they don't have their unique charm like tumblr does. Lesser known platforms have a charm. Platforms with niche features that don't exist just for user engagement and profit but instead for the sake of a higher purpose. Older platforms have a charm. Those that are both unknown/declining and relics have survived because they weren't shut down when they stopped being profitable or easy to run like Google+ was for example. They keep going because they're precious and important to their userbase. Tumblr doesn't wake up every morning because it's easy, it does it because it must! You guys have been through a ridiculous amount but you're still going strong. Alternatives need to exist. And they were made because the internet is exciting, not because the internet is profitable. To quote Porcupine Tree's "The Sound of Muzak":

Hear the sound of music

Drifting in the aisles

Elevator Prozac

Stretching on for miles

The music of the future

Will not entertain

It's only meant to repress

And neutralize your brain

Soul gets squeezed out

Edges get blunt

Demographic

Gives what you want

One of the wonders of the world is going down

It's going down I know

It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares

No-one cares enough

Now the sound of music

Comes in silver pills

Engineered to suit you

Building cheaper thrills

The music of rebellion

Makes you want to rage

But it's made by millionaires

Who are nearly twice your age

One of the wonders of the world is going down

It's going down I know

It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares

No-one cares enough

If we replace "music" with "social media" we get a profoundly accurate description of our current situation - predicted back in 2002 while Geocities was still cool. But I know that whatever tumblr does, whether it adds stories or reels ("takes"?) or whatever the next big thing is, or even if it invents something completely different, it'll still be tumblr. It's a tough world out there with all these social media giants swallowing up the userbases of their still living ancestors and their exciting alternatives. I have a lot of respect to you guys for keeping this ship afloat. I hope you can break even someday. I wish you the best:)

Ps: this is really very long, so you don't have to worry about posting it or anything. It started off as "hey there's an idea for a meme" and sorta just became "oh man. I got so carried away and here I am 4 hours later re reading this for the 50th time". Also I'm too lazy to rewrite the meme now but I kinda want to reword some stuff like "aggressive monetisation" in regards to Instagram and Facebook just means like the whole privacy Ad scandal, which of course tumblr has nothing to do with, and then there's paying for features that have been taken away which is at the opposite end of the spectrum but I guess can also be interpreted as "aggressive monetisation" right? I mean are.na has no commercialisation whatsoever, it's tiny and probably covers it's tiny server costs thanks to subscribers and investors and flickr has a tonne of photos it needs to store (well, less now unfortunately but it's still probably an insane amount, all that internet history) and it's overt about how much money it's losing but then there's the 100 year thing which seems cool, I just hope enough people are subbed to Flickr pro and they're getting enough revenue from those ads💔. Anyway so tumblr has done neither of these things yet, it's not advertiser friendly and it's not paywalling any features that should really be free (are.na isn't usable with a 200 post (aka block) limit. It really isn't. 4 days later and I'm 200 blocks in - not making any new connections. It's very unhealthy for the platform to restrict it's core feature and stunt the growth of archives. It's actually very heartbreaking because there would be so many more connections, so many more channels, so much more to explore. There should never be a limit on that stuff in my opinion, especially on are.na)..Yes there's a store now and the shopping cart skeleton dude (actually seeing that is what inspired me to do this in the first place, it was just interesting and cute) which is something are.na would probably never do but I'm not sure if it can be compared to the Facebook marketplace but I have no idea where any of this is headed but I'm excited because where does tumblr fit in the social media dichotomy as we accelerate into a rapidly changing future of the internet? Only time will tell. Truly fascinating platform.

#kobithedragon speaks #tumblr #are.na #flickr #instagram #facebook

[mephinomaly]

[TL] Memories of a Doll/Chapter 4

Aira: Hey, hold on a sec, Tenma-senpai!

There’s not a lot of people around at the moment so I don’t think we have to be in such a hurry…!

Mitsuru: Nuhuh. If we don’t hurry, the bargains might get away, right right~?

What did Ai-chan come here for? Let’s look for it together!

Aira: Umm, well… I’m kind of looking for a partition for my dorm. I’m doing a trial period, so the exact reason why isn’t that important…

Mitsuru: ? What do you need a partition for~?

Aira: Uh. Y-You see… I don’t want my senpais that I share a room with to see me…

I’m worried that people will think I have a disorganised private life, and I had my neck on the chopping block until recently so they might think less of me.

Mitsuru: Hm~? I think you shouldn’t hide who you are, so keep being Ai-chan, Ai-chan.

But, if Ai-chan wants a partition, then we’ll find you a partition! This is a flea market, so it would be a real bummer if you didn’t buy anything ♪

Hey, that kinda looks like one. Whaddya think?

Aira: T-that’s a massive chopping board!

It certainly looks handy, but I don’t cook for myself so it would be a waste to buy it…! Should we go look somewhere else?

Mitsuru: Rats, I thought I’d found one straight away!

There’s lots of other things to look at! I wonder if I can find any second-hand clothes that’ll look good on me~♪

Hajime: …Oya. Is that Mitsuru-kun and Shiratori-kun over there?

I’m glad those two seem to be enjoying themselves. Even from all the way over here, I can feel their energy as they move around the market.

I wonder if I can find a good deal too. I should go have a look around. If there’s a bargain, I’ll be sure to snatch it up…♪

Oh my. This rabbit figurine[1] looks exactly like Nii-chan. Should I buy it for him as a gift?

This one is serious-looking. It looks a little like Tomoya-kun when he’s telling someone off…♪

Fufu. It seems the more I look at it, the more attached I get to it.

This is what Otogari-senpai was saying. Is this similar to animism? I can almost feel the spirit inside this figurine.

(Whispering) “Hey, Mitsuru. It’s dangerous to run around like that~!”

(Whispering) “Now, now, don’t say that Tomo-chin. There’s no-one nearby, so it’s fine for him to run about.”[2]

…Or something like that. Ahaha, talking like this reminds me of how I’d play with dolls with my brother and sister.

Otogari-senpai also brought a doll to sell. He brought it from overseas, so it must have memories tied to it. I hope it can find a new home at this market.

Adonis: This tableware is 500 yen.

Thank you for buying. I think the previous owner will be pleased if you take great care of it.

…Alright. Another person has bought something.

Shino’s items in particular are popular because they are packaged beautifully. Perhaps it is because my doll is old, but nobody is taking a look…

Should I have made him prettier?

When I was a child, I may have treated you carelessly. Though it is too late, I want to apologise.

…Hm? Ah, I’m sorry. A customer had arrived, but I didn’t realise—

Anzu? Why are you at a flea market?

I see. You happened to be in the area whilst returning home from a meeting with a TV station? It is certainly a bit of a detour, but it’s exercise. That’s a good thing.

? Why are you laughing? Did you, perhaps, see me talking to this doll?

Ah. It’s an uncommon sight, so surely it’s amusing…? I thought you would definitely look at me with unkind eyes. Anzu is sweet.

As you took the bother to come all the way here, please take a look around, Anzu. Shino, Tenma, and myself set up this shop.

The most popular items are Shino’s. They are practically unused, and in great condition. The design means both men and women of all ages can use them.

Tenma has put out his shoes and old clothes, and many pieces are fashionable, though they would be difficult for Anzu to use. I would recommend them to those with the same size.

Who's doll is that…? Ah, that is one of my items.

It had a lot of memories tied to it. I was a little hesitant to put it for sale.

In the past in Japan, there was the idea of animism, where spirits reside inside various objects.

That’s why I was hesitant. Because if I let him go after spending so many years together, he would resent me.

However, Shino and the others are searching for his next forever home. I didn’t doubt that that was the best thing for him.

Thanks to the others, I was able to put this child up for sale here without worry.

The greatest joy for this doll is for him to be loved. I want to find someone who will cherish him next.

That’s the least I can do, as his previous owner.

You hope he sells well…? I’m glad you said that, and thank you for allowing me to confide in you.

It’s embarrassing to talk about these sorts of things, but remaining silent is no good. I have lovely friends that take my thoughts seriously.

…It might be good for me to tell Shino and the others about my feelings.

Ah, you have somewhere to be. No, it’s alright, it’s no bother if you leave.

Thank you for listening to me talk.

prev

directory

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he specifically says 置き物 or “okimono” which are small ornaments displayed in tokonamas or at a butsudan altar

i have nothing technical to explain he's just imitating nazuna and tomoya and i need everyone to acknowledge how cute he is

#ensemble stars #enstars #translation #dolly night #adonis otogari #hajime shino #mitsuru tenma #aira shiratori

[sisi-halloway]

I Watched Ant-Man And I'm Making It Everyone Else's Problem

2

Sisi rubbed her head while she sat at the kitchen table, and stared at her cell phone. Why did she volunteer to do this? How could she possibly dial someone she hasn't talked to in years? She didn't really know how he would take it. She was afraid to know. She was afraid to find out things she didn't want to know. All she did know is that she hoped he was doing better than she was.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Daniel came up behind Sisi, putting his hand on her shoulder.

Calling an old friend that might threaten your very existence in my life, that's all.

She didn't say that.

"Just thinking. I don't really know what about… How was work?"

She tried to divert the attention away from her years-long battle with her "friend" that really wasn't her friend at all. He was probably her soulmate, to be honest, but she had never sealed the deal on that. And although she loved the family she found, she often thinks about what a family she could have made.

"Work was alright. What did you and Yumi do?"

Sisi froze. She didn't know what to tell him. She knew what not to tell him. And that was about this little project of theirs. She knew that was just as stupid as anything Yumi's capable of doing or has done, but it was best to keep this a secret from him, for now. If Daniel found all of Yumi's research and destroyed it, she'd be dealing with the blows of the century. No amount of apologizing or begging or pleading would ever make Yumi forgive her. Or make Dan forgive her for lying to him. Well, maybe that second part was untrue. Sisi had forgiven Daniel for a lot of lying. He could swing some of the same energy back, couldn't he?

---

Dinner that night was tense.

Yumi and Sisi shared knowing glances through the whole of it. Daniel and Charlie probably noticed. Sisi hoped they didn't notice.

They ordered takeout as was traditional for most Fridays. Charlie sat next to her friend, who was never going to officially be her sister-in-law by any means. That didn't mean they weren't close, still.

"So, how was your day?"

Sisi shrugged. She wanted people to stop asking. She found out her roommate was building some stupid invention that wasn't by any means safe or necessary and now she has to lie to everyone about it. She also has to call a guy she thought she'd never talk to again really. That was a blessing in disguise. This gave her an excuse to call him. She had wanted to call him before. And every time before, she had been too afraid.

Anytime she had undergone a life change, or something exciting had happened to her, she'd wanted to call and tell him. It was about stuff he knew about like her jobs or her certifications, but Sisi found herself wanting to call him for even the smallest of things. Things that were as unimportant as finding the kombucha she liked at the store or getting the Renassaince Fair tickets she had waited far too long to buy because nobody wanted to go with her. Sisi had even gone as far as calling his old cell phone number and leaving a series of long voicemails whenever she wanted to talk to him. It seemed good enough to curb the cravings.

She prayed he'd never hear those messages. She sounded desperate in them.

Maybe she was.

"It was fine. Just cleaned up a bit. The house was a mess. Looked at Yumi's science things in the garage."

Yumi looked at Sisi with a kind of look that made her want to piss herself. She didn't see anything wrong with mentioning his projects. He had definitely told everyone one or two things that he was working on. That wasn't the secret. The Quantum Realm thing wasn't even the real secret. It was the fact that he'd actually (almost) figured it out. That was the secret. Charlie and Daniel were still under the impression that all Yumi was doing down there was making clear ice and sulfuric stink bombs.

"What? I can talk about your science things, right?" Sisi folded her arms and took a drink of her tea. She wasn't enjoying being made out to be the bad guy. She was the guy trying to make sure things didn't go bad.

Charlie wrote it off with a smile, taking a bite of her noodles. "Sisi, he's just shy. It's okay, baby. I support your science things. We don't have to talk about them if you don't want to."

Daniel chimed in after finishing his beer.

"You've been keeping all your junk in the garage for a while, maybe we should?"

Charlie wasn't pleased with that comment. Yumi had been really excited about all his projects, more so at the beginning than now. She knew that over time they had all become less and less impressed with his work and more and more concerned about the inconvenience it was to them. Recently, Charlie and Sisi and even Daniel had been trying to support him more, but he was reluctant to open up. That wasn't his fault, it was theirs. Sisi cleared her throat.

"All I meant was that Yumi showed me some stuff in his lab and I helped clean it. There's no need to tease him, Dan."

Dan claps Yumi on the back.

"I'm just teasing, Yumi. Sorry."

Yumi just nods and shrugs it all off. That was the thing. The teasing. He didn't like being discredited. He had gone to school with his due diligence, got a degree, made a ton of money working IT, and worked on his science in his free time. It didn't bother anyone, not so much anyways. Dan told him he didn't mind that he used the garage. Yumi was courteous and, for the most part, contained. There was even still space for a car! Still, sometimes the teasing got to him. It was fun and all, and he knew they were joking but Yumi couldn't help but link all those comments back to the skepticism and the doubt. After all that, he still decided to live with his family because they loved each other and it was easier than wounding them and explaining why he needed some space. He didn't have to be here. He could go right now and get a place somewhere far, get a self-storage unit for his lab, and call it a day. Sometimes, when people treated him like this, he wondered why he didn't do that in the first place.

Yumi smiled. It was a hollow one.

"No, it's all good man. Don't worry about it."

---

Sisi was walking back to the building after lunch. She'd decided to spice up her mundane Tuesday at the office and go grab a burger at an artisan joint down the street. She really liked it. It reminded her of the hamburger place Cole and Matthew and Thomas used to drag her to in college. They'd drag both her and Isabella and all 5 of them would sit there and talk about god knows what. She missed that.

She missed Thomas.

She looked at her dainty watch. She still had about ten minutes before she had to be back at her desk. She decided it was now or never. She'd use those ten minutes to do what she'd been agonizing for the past week. She'd call him.

The lights in the parking garage flickered and cast shadows on the crumbling concrete pillars. Sisi kicked some dirt off her heel against the side of one and hovered her thumb over the keypad.

She had to remember Thomas' new number, since she used the old one so much, it would've been easy to get them confused.

Here goes nothing.

She delicately typed it out. The call will probably cost something, she thought. He was still overseas after all. He went to a university in a Scandinavian country. Sweden or Finland, she couldn't remember. She might not remember everything about where he went but she remembered vividly that last goodbye at the airport.

--

"Hey, is this it?" She asked, bundled up against the nip in the air. The branches of the trees danced wildly around the terminal, and they scraped against the structures outside. It created a noise so whimsical it seemed like it really was a scene out of one of Isabella's dramatic romantic movies.

"Yeah... I do believe this is it." Thomas stood there in his peacoat. Sisi always liked that coat. It was brown and thick and just scratchy enough that when he put it around her it would make the skin of her cheeks just a little redder than the cold had. She would nuzzle against it anyway. It smelled just like him.

His luggage was by his side. It was a leather set, with a messenger bag and a rolling suitcase. How Thomas, and men in general, could fit all his stuff in here was a mystery to Sisi. She'd need ten suitcases to move anywhere for a weekend, let alone eight years. Thomas had always been a simple guy. He was complex in other ways like his emotions and his mannerisms but his tastes were simple. He had a few shirts, a few good pairs of pants, a couple of pairs of shoes, and various accessories, like a scarf and a hat or two, all in neutral colors. He was wearing them now. Sisi giggled at the thought.

He was definitely ready for the aesthetic graduate life at his new university. Drinking coffee in the mornings at the various shops around in beautiful stonework buildings that had been there since the 1800s. That life would look beautiful on Thomas Zieragh.

"Salice? You okay?" Thomas had looked down at his friend of a couple of years now and seen something beautiful in her eyes. He'd seen her concern, her worry, her pride, her admiration, and something that looked a little like love. Thomas had seen all of these reflected in that green gaze before, but now he was seeing it all at once. It was enough for him to regret every time something could have happened between them and didn't. It was enough for him to make something happen between them now.

"Huh? Yeah... Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just really proud of you, that's all. And I'm really gonna miss you."

Thomas melted like ice cream on a hot summer day. He pinched her cheek, summoning her kiddish smile. How he wanted to make her smile for different reasons, every reason under the sun. Maybe it was too late for that... The way she was looking at him told him that maybe it wasn't.

"I-"

It was now or never. Something pulled his attention away. The only thing in the world that could possibly be more important than what he was about to say.

"Oh... I guess that's your flight then..."

Thomas cursed the gods and everything they made.

"It is... You know Salice, you can visit any time okay?"

She tried to hold her tears back. It would be nearly impossible to visit, but he didn't know that. She would have to leap and bound through every hoop imaginable to get her passport since she was something of a quasi-legal immigrant in the country. It was expensive and it would take years, but maybe something would bring them together again soon.

"I know, Thomas. Have a safe trip and good luck with everything okay?"

He nodded and smiled politely, taking a few steps away from her toward his gate.

"Okay... thank you Salice. For everything, really."

She waved at him through teary eyes. Watching him go. She should've realized then that would be the last time she was gonna see him. Maybe she did. Maybe that's why she knitted him that pair of mittens that were still on her hands.

"Oh! Thomas wait!"

She had run up to him and caught him right before he was to check-in. She had taken the mittens off and shoved them into his already gloved hands. She thought now that it might have been silly, but she didn't care. It was cold where he was going and she wanted him to have something that reminded him of her.

"Oh? Are these for me?"

Sisi nods, wiping the stray tear from her cheek. She chalked it up to the cold but she was really devastated that Thomas was going. She had loved him far more than he knew. And these mittens were the last physical proof of that. Or maybe every tear she cried when she got back to her dorm would be. In any case, these mittens were something Thomas could perhaps cry over. And that's why he needed to have them.

"Yeah... wear them when it gets cold? I don't want you getting sick up there."

Thomas' heart skipped a beat as he held the gift to his heart.

"I'll wear them... thank you so much, Salice."

He didn't hesitate to embrace her this time.

The way he wrapped her in his arms would be engrained in Salice's brain for the rest of her life. The way that hug made her feel... it was the closest she had ever come to the kind of love that made everything inside her still. She was overcome with the peace of the ocean at sunset, where not a single wave disturbed the beautiful quiet that the gods had provided. Even 10 years later, Sisi had never felt a love like that.

"Of course... go learn about Rocket Science or whatever it is you do," she teased.

Thomas' cheeks were hot with a flush. Hot with the love he had for her. Hot with the shame he had that he couldn't tell Salice his feelings before he got on that plane. Hot because suddenly he was thinking about staying here and all the possibilities that could've come with that.

He was thinking of Salice in a beautiful white dress. He was thinking of her with a round belly. He was thinking of her handing him the child he'd always wanted and he was thinking of how it would look exactly like her, maybe with his unfortunate nose. He was thinking of her with wrinkles and scars that she hated but he loved and that he worshipped every day. He was thinking of rocking chairs and peach pies and crochet and bingo and all the things people do when they're too old to care about material things and just young enough to enjoy the last bit of life they have left with the person they love. He was thinking of all that when he said-

"It's quantum physics..."

Sisi laughed. That laugh threatened to throw Thomas back into the flash of the life he'd never live if he didn't do something.

"You're such smarty pants. Sure, yeah. Quantum physics. Talk to you later, Thomas."

Sisi thought about all that. She thought about how now... now was that later she'd been talking about. She slowly smiled at the memory as she called.

---

Waiting for him to answer felt like the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Part of her wished he didn't, to save her the embarrassment.

One ring, two rings, three...

"Hello? Dr. Zieragh speaking."

Sisi couldn't help but smile as she lit a cigarette. The concrete post she rested against was scratchy against her back. She was probably getting debris on her overcoat. Her arms were around her because it was winter once again.

"Hi, Dr. Zieragh. Do you have a minute?"

There was silence on the phone for a heartbeat, but then he must have recognized her voice. It had gotten more sultry, more melodic, but it was still just as sweet. Maybe even sweeter.

"Salice?"

Thomas couldn't believe his ears. He couldn't believe he was talking to that girl he'd said goodbye to at the airport all those years ago. He figured she was a woman now. He couldn't believe that he hadn't seen her since then. It was really a shock. Had it really been so long?

"Yeah... How are you, Thomas?"

"I..."

He didn't know how to answer that. He was doing well, sure, all things considered. He had graduated and gotten his Ph.D., as was made clear by the whole Dr. thing. He was working at a university, teaching classes, and doing research that seemed so mundane compared to everything he had done in his life to get to that point. He had done Ted Talks and traveled the world giving speeches and demonstrations of the wonderful and dangerous work that he eventually had to leave behind. Because of that work, he suffered a catastrophic accident causing his research to be confiscated by the government, resulting in Thomas becoming something of a recluse. But before he could vanish from the public eye and rightfully steep in his depression, he was required to lie to the media about the reason he had concluded his studies. Once the powers at be had their bases covered, they let Thomas go. He disappeared into his private life and decided to never talk about it with anyone. Not even a therapist. All the stress he'd been under for more than a few years was weighing on his conscience insurmountably. Thomas was hiding a plentitude of information from a great many people. And on top of all that, he was living with a woman he didn't love with no children to call his own.

"I'm great! How are you? What are you doing?"

Salice relaxed at the chipperness in his voice. It was deeper for sure, but that same good-natured stammer was still hidden underneath all that masculinity.

"I'm okay... I'm working at a sports reporting agency... blogs for race cars... cool stuff. I take it you're still in Sweden?"

"Yes! Yes actually... Still here. I took a job at the university I graduated from. Still doing research and learning as well as teaching, so I can't complain too terribly much."

Sisi's heart swelled with pride. She listened to him speak. The air of intellect in his voice. She was so impressed with all that he had accomplished. She remembered seeing him on television. Seeing him on the news and on Ted Talks. She watched all she could, knowing that she believed in him. That made her the happiest. Believing in someone who showed her that there are still some people out there worth believing in.

"Well, I'm so happy to hear it."

Now was to get to the point of why she called in the first place.

"I'm sorry to ask this... but I have to ask a favor. Maybe even a proposition for you, hm?"

Thomas raised his brow in curiosity.

"Out with it then. Go on."

He was aching to know what she could possibly be proposing. So sad to assume it wasn't marriage. Sisi was a sweet type, but there was a kind of mischief woven into that velvety young woman and Thomas had always dreamed of it taking him away.

"I think a friend of mine has gotten himself into a bit of Quantum trouble... and I was wondering if you could fly down and take a look. I wouldn't ask you to come if it wasn't serious."

Quantum trouble? What could she possibly mean? Thomas knew what that meant. Unfortunately, he was the man for the job because he did know what it means. If this had been anyone else, he would probably turn this down. But Salice had called.

Salice brought a vibrancy to his greyscale life. Even after 10 years of not seeing her, Thomas still knew this was true. He wanted to seize that vibrancy, perhaps selfishly, for himself. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. He was ready for an adventure.

"When do we start?

#sisi halloway #thomas zieragh #daniel reyes #yumi ishizaki #charlie reyes

[elminx]

I posted 1,014 times in 2022

That's 306 more posts than 2021!

412 posts created (41%)

602 posts reblogged (59%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@elminx

@a-witch-named-crow

@windvexer

@serpentandthreads

@hexfeathers

I tagged 903 of my posts in 2022

Only 11% of my posts had no tags

#witchblr - 660 posts

#mine - 499 posts

#words - 495 posts

#personal - 221 posts

#astrology - 207 posts

#transits - 106 posts

#energy update - 70 posts

#photography - 66 posts

#plant allies - 56 posts

#kitchen witch - 55 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#also if you have any good trigger warning about a particular astrology book feel free to send me a message about it and i'll include it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

There are no "laws" in witchcraft - everything that I say, and everything that every other witch/magician/sorcerer says (even if they claim you HAVE TO DO IT!!!!1111!!!!) is merely a suggestion.

Your magic should fit you - your belief system. Your strengths. Your lifestyle.

Nobody knows what that can mean except for you. You have to make all of the difficult decisions.

I personally find this to be incredibly terrifying (at first) but also freeing.

This isn't grade school anymore - there isn't only one way to think or act. You can choose to work with deities, or not. You can choose to be a mostly ascetic witch. You can cast a spell once a year or every day (though every day is probs exhausting). You can primarily use affirmations or only work with herbs. You can create long-drawn-out ceremonies or yell emphatically at your cup of coffee in the morning.

You can tell the gods "No". (I promise - I've done it)

If it works, it works.

Magic is a completely personal thing.

If you are the kind of person who tends to believe everything that you read, stay aware. Don't absorb other people's thoughts/beliefs if they don't work for you. Don't let somebody else talk you out of the magic that works for you.

There's no boogeyman coming to get you if you do it wrong. That also doesn't mean that there aren't consequences, but that's a different discussion for another day.

177 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

#4

I've gotta tell you something (and this may be an unpopular opinion but oh well...)

I've been doing spirit work since ~2000 and I never needed to have any significant protection on myself or my house until I met an unhinged witch.

People are, generally, more dangerous than spirits.

196 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

#3

Here's the thing: it takes absolutely NOTHING to assume that somebody else on Tumblr has done the work, knows what they are talking about, and is sharing what works for them.

Sometimes I read people's posts and I'm all "Whut?!?" about it, but I assume that means that it's not meant for me and that's fine. I hope that it reaches somebody else who it resonates with.

On the other hand, sometimes I read people's posts and it breaks my mind that I haven't thought of that before now.

Both are great, in their own way.

I absolutely love reading about people using magic in a way that I will never - maybe ever could never - do. That's fascinating AF.

I also love being affirmed by finding people's stuff and feeling a bit of kindred spirit or inspiration.

Maybe it's my Gemini Venus shining through but I'm legit curious about it allllllllll.

336 notes - Posted June 7, 2022

#2

I'm not saying that I do spirit work right (because, IMHO, there is no right), but I treat the spirits that I meet like I would a random cat on the street.

Something like this: oh my gods! you precious thing! thank you so much for showing yourself to me! you are the prettiest (insert type of spirit - often rock, flower, tree, sometimes wind, etc.) I've seen all day.

I'll be real here. It's worked out really well so far. I don't get attacked. I don't get followed home (well, I do, but not in a malicious way). Occasionally I get a "meh" in the same way as I get at "no human, no way can you pet me" like I would get from a random cat.

And it's totally fine. Spirits have as much right to choose to interact with me as I have to choose to interact with them.

380 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Re: digital taglocks

They work. Quite well.

This is why if you have valid reasons to suspect that a person in your life has the means and intent to do you magical harm, your first step in protecting yourself should be the make sure that they do not have access to your digital footprint. Block them from seeing all of your social media, if possible. Make sure your photos are not public.

If you suspect that they may have photos of you from the past, change how you look. (Cutting and/or dyeing your hair is the easiest way to do this)

This is not meant to be scare tacticy. Most people will not get magically attacked by other people. This is meant for somebody who has a REASON to assume magical harm.

420 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#year in review #hmmmm interesting #at least I agree with my top 5 posts lol #that would be awkward if I was all nah #I didn't mean that #ooops #lawlz #personal