#i need therapy but even if i have it again it takes forever to build up trust to discuss the thing in the deleted posts
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Weed Cookies | Matt Murdock x F!Reader
PART 3 of The Vault
See this post for more information on my Valentine's Day Special & Follower Celebration, but these fics can be read separately!
Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader
Summary: Karen receives a box of cookies from one of their clients. Foggy and Matt take a bite. Even with his heightened senses though, Matt doesn't realize what's wrong with the cookies before he's absolutely wasted, and you have to babysit him. Yes, they were edibles.
Warnings: Fluff, faint hints at S3 depressed!Matt and suicidal ideations, attempt at humor, crack fic, accidental drug use, for the sake of this fic we are going to pretend that the edibles were made well enough for Mister I-Know-Everything to miss it
Word Count: 3.4k
A/n: I wrote this after watching the episode of Grey's Anatomy with the Weed Cookies. I took some behaviorisms from my own experiences and exaggerated them a little to fit the vibe of this fic. I scraped parts of this and once again adjusted them because this was even more poorly written before than it is now, and I added the Nelson, Murdock & Page Season 3 narrative again because that's now the running theme of this event. Anyway, if you choose to consume edibles, stay safe! (Also, I'm just copying and pasting my usual tag lists. if anyone wants to be added for this event, do let me know)
“We just got cookies from Ms. Lebowsky next door,” Karen announces happily when she enters the office, balancing the transparent Tupperware in one hand and her handbag in the other.
“She told me to thank you for helping her get out of that hellhole,” she says. Her eyes crinkle in the corners as a mischievous grin takes over her face. “There’s plenty for all four of us. Although she did mention Matt a few more times.”
“Ms. Lebowsky?” Foggy asks. He stands in the doorway of his office, holding a freshly brewed coffee. “Isn’t she the elderly lady we helped last week?”
“Yeah, that’s her. I think she has a crush on Matt.”
He rolls his eyes. “Of course, she does. Who doesn’t? Not that I do, but—well, you get the gist.” The blood rushes to his cheeks, and Karen giggles in response.
From the office on the left, Matt’s voice rings out, “We just did our jobs,” he says. “She made us cookies, dude!” Foggy inspects the box on Karen’s desk. “They’re chocolate chip cookies. Our favorite. See what good looks can buy you?”
Matt chuckles, his fingers tracing the Braille indentations in the documents that are starting to form a mountain before him. “I think we got them because we’re good lawyers, Foggy.”
“Yeah, right. No way! That woman was smitten the second she came in. I really gotta get that blind thing going. I mean, she’s way too old for you, but come on! You’re in a serious committed relationship, and women still come piling at your door. It’s not fair.”
The way he whines like a little kid who has just been denied his favorite candy makes Karen laugh at his antics, and even Matt can’t help but join in. No matter how stressed he is, and how badly he wants to focus, Foggy never fails to lighten the mood.
Ever since moving offices, things have been going well for the trio.
When Matt met you, he was at his lowest. You helped him climb out of a dark hole that was threatening to swallow him whole after losing Elektra and almost losing everything he worked so hard for to Wilson Fisk. Thanks to you, he found the will to fight again. You brought him back to life.
He wanted to die. He hated himself for the longest time after the building collapsed and forever took the first woman he ever loved down with its ruins, but then you came into his life, and you didn’t care about his baggage. You were far too good for him, but that didn’t matter to you.
He fell for you hard and fast, and maybe the timing was a little off because what he needed was therapy and not someone new to get attached to. Still, if you hadn’t pulled him back to his feet and encouraged him to fight back against Fisk, saving his friendship with the people he cares most about in the process, he would have never made it far enough to get therapy.
Matt trusts you with his life because he feels like he owes it to you, but he also loves you more than anything. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to him. You’re his soulmate, and he couldn’t be happier.
Nelson & Murdock added Karen to their permanent repertoire. With her, things are flowing much more smoothly, and they’re actually making money now. They’re expensive, as Foggy likes to say it. Matt’s friends are just as happy as he is, giving him hope for the future.
“Hey,” Foggy snaps him out of his trance, “Earth to Murdock.”
Matt blinks behind his glasses, his fingers halting their frantic movements along the paper. “While I don’t disagree with what you’re saying,” he says, “please don’t let my girlfriend hear you say that women are piling at my door.”
Karen snorts. “Trust me, Matt. She knows,” she says.
“Yeah, but you shouldn’t remind her of that.”
“My lips are sealed. Foggy?”
He sighs, once again dramatically. “As long as you don’t sleep with them, you have nothing to fear, my friend.”
“I wasn’t planning on it,” says Matt. “The one I’m sleeping with is incomparable.”
Foggy grimaces. “Oh, dude. Gross! You know, God made conscious thought as a mechanism for humans to know when to shut up.”
“To be fair, ninety percent of the population don’t know how to use that mechanism,” Karen jumps to Matt’s defense.
As he laughs, he takes a whiff of the air surrounding their new baked goods. Matt can smell the sweet chocolate of the cookies, and somewhat of a herbal essence, but he can’t quite pinpoint why the scent seems so familiar.
Karen walks around her desk to drop her bag and her coat. “So, do guys want a cookie?” she asks, swiftly changing the subject.
“I’ll take one,” Foggy is quick to answer.
Matt nods from his desk. “I’ll try one, too.”
The innocent decision to indulge in a sweet treat soon comes back to bite them in the ass though. Heavily.
When Matt first bit into the cookie, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. It tasted like chocolate mixed with basil, sugar, honey, and the kind of flour Ms. Lebowsky used, but he didn’t find much else wrong with it. Perhaps if he hadn’t allowed himself to get distracted by his phone calling out your name and the sweetest text he could have possibly received this early in the morning from the love of his life, he would have noticed that something tasted off about these cookies. And that what he believed to have been basil as a secret ingredient was something else entirely.
When lunchtime finally rolls around, you drop everything you were doing before and make your way to Matt’s office. You always spend lunch together. It’s your favorite time of the day. For an hour, you can forget the stress of your workplace and focus on him. He’s your safe haven. Your home. You crave to memorize his features anew every day so that you will have something to carry around with you when he has to work a bit longer, or when he goes out at night and his Daredevil duties drag on beyond what he planned.
You need to be with him as much as possible because you’re scared that your happiness will shatter on a white cloth, and you will be forced to move on—you can’t imagine losing him. You dedicated your life to loving him, and the thought of ever losing that privilege kills you.
On your way out, your phone vibrates in your pocket. You smile, thinking that it’s Matt, but when Karen’s number pops up on your screen, you frown.
‘We have a problem,’ she texted you. Without context.
All the alarms in your head start blaring, and you start to walk a little faster. You start imagining all possible scenarios. When you ask Karen what’s going on, she doesn’t even reply. What if someone got hurt? What if something happened to Matt? You almost lost him once; you can’t go through that again.
You burst into the new office space that your friends share a few minutes later, your chest heaving and sweat dripping down your pulsating temples. You’re ready to fight whoever dared to hurt the man you love, or possibly threaten your friends, or both, but when you look up and see your darling boyfriend with his cheek pressed against one of the leaves on their gigantic office plant as if the overgrown Calathea were the coziest pillow he has ever touched, you understand why Karen texted you that you—both you and her—have a problem. A big one, too, judging by the looks of it.
“What is going on here?” you ask the dreaded question, shutting the door behind you.
Only then do you notice Karen to your right in Foggy’s office, trying to get him off of his office chair. He’s belting the chorus of Defying Gravity at the top of his lungs, and he’s got a broom clutched tightly in his right hand.
Oh boy. Your wide eyes drift to Karen’s desk in the middle of the room. As soon as you see the chocolate cookies inside the Tupperware, it slowly begins to dawn on you.
You’re not sure which is worse: Matt cradling a houseplant with his glasses discarded and the first three buttons of his dress shirt undone as he’s coated in sweat, or Foggy singing one of Broadway’s greatest ballads so off-key that the Calathea is starting to wither.
It takes Matt much longer than usual to sense your presence in the room. He calls your name, and his lips curl into a bright grin. Even completely out of it, he looks like an angel on earth.
“Matthew,” you say. You approach him like you would approach a little kid. He’s on his knees, so the analogy isn’t far off.
“Hi, honey. What’s going on?”
“Sweetheart,” he greets you, and you have never heard this man sound so relaxed. His hazel eyes are red-rimmed and glazed over, but the most obvious change lies in his behavior.
“Feel that.” He reaches for your hand when you’re close enough for him to smell you, but he misses. “Where are you?” Matt pouts. “I can’t see.”
You want to laugh, but this is not the time. “You are blind, baby,” you remind him.
“Since when?”
“Over twenty years.”
“Oh.” He finally gets a hold of your hand. The conversation seems to go right over his head. “Feel the power of nature,” he tells you. “It’s so soft.”
You want to drag him away from the potentially dangerous plant if he decides to eat it, but the sight of him is one to behold. He looks downright adorable.
You have to focus though. You gently pat his hand. “Maybe later,” you say, and then you make your way to Karen’s desk to inspect the cookies.
Behind you, she calls your name. You twirl around. From the looks of it, she managed to get Foggy down from his chair, but he remains singing at the top of his lungs. All the signs point to one thing, and one thing only.
“Did you give my boyfriend weed cookies?” you sound a lot more condescending than you planned to.
Karen shakes her head. Her face is pale, and she looks just as panicked as you do. “Those are not mine,” she says.
“But you knew they were edibles?!”
“Of course, I didn’t! I started questioning it when Matt started cuddling the plant because his Braille felt like boobs and he didn't want to cheat on you, so he decided that he needed to touch some grass.” She points to him, exasperated. As if on cue, Matt lets out a happy little sigh.
Your brain struggles to process all of the information at once. “I’m sorry, what?”
“He said that his Braille feels like boobs. I don’t know! I thought he was messing with me until Foggy turned into Elphaba, and that’s when I took a bite and realized there was weed in them,” she says.
You groan, your worried eyes momentarily flicking back to your high boyfriend. High. That’s not a word you thought you would ever associate with him. “How did this happen?” you ask.
“Ms. Lebowsky, the lady next door, we helped her out the other day, and this morning, she gave me these cookies. I called her when these two started acting like idiots—more than usual, anyway. Turns out, she confused them with the ones her niece made for her birthday party tomorrow.”
“Her niece made edibles for her birthday party?”
“Please, don’t ask. I don’t have all the details. I just–”
“It’s fine,” you cut her off. “Just tell me that you’ve got Foggy under control.”
Karen peeks in through the window to his office. “More or less, yeah. You’ve got Matt?”
“Yeah, I’ve got him.”
You have to take care of him. He’s your responsibility. But as calm as he is right now, his heightened senses make the situation a lot more complex than the mere accidental consumption of edibles.
Walking over to him, you try to haul him up. He protests, at first, but then he feels the fabric of your shirt, and he slacks.
Matt wraps his arms around you, burying his face in your neck. “You’re so soft,” he coos. “You smell like honey.”
With his entire weight on you, you have to widen your stance so you won’t fall over. His usually quick reflexes are nonexistent right now; he won’t be able to catch you if you trip, and then you’re both going to get hurt.
“You know what’s even softer?” you ask.
“The plant,” he answers confidently. He sounds like a more careless version of himself. You can’t deny that it does something to you.
“No, silly,” you chuckle softly, “I meant your bed.”
“Oh. But I’m not tired.”
“You’re high.”
He pouts. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know.” You stroke his back. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”
He stiffens and relaxes at the same time. You swear you can feel the electricity in his veins as his nerves respond to the feeling of your skin on his. It’s like he’s on fire. Like your touch feels a million times more intense, and he’s being crushed under the weight of it in a way that makes him crave more.
He squeezes you tighter, trying to get swallowed by you, consumed to the point that you are the same person. The drugs are doing a number on him, and his already heightened sense of feeling has increased tenfold to the point you’re not sure if it’s pleasurable or painful or both. It must be agonizing, yet at the same time there is a high chance that the weed is calming his nerves and dampening his perception to the point he’s taking everything in without the added weight—he’s enjoying the newfound sensations in limbo, and he’s unaffected by it. You wonder how long that is going to last.
After bidding farewell to Karen, wishing her good luck with Foggy who has now reached a point of his high where he’s lying on the floor, demanding to listen to Bohemian Rhapsody and cry over Freddie Mercury. She assures you that she has got it under control, apologizes again, and then sends you on your way.
“Bye, Karen,” Matt says. “You have very nice hair.” His hand tangles in yours, and his face lights up like a Christmas Tree. You managed to convince him to put his glasses on, at least, or he might get irritated. “Never mind,” his voice turns into a pur.
Usually, you would shiver at his fingers in your hair, tracing the strands and sensually massaging your scalp only he knows how to, but today is not one of those days. You’re still concerned about the effects that the weed might have on him, so you want to be careful, although you’re not sure how much longer you can keep yourself from laughing.
As you maneuver Matt through the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, his cane hovers above the ground and his arm is hooked around yours. Without you, he would have run off into traffic by now. He has absolutely no spatial awareness anymore.
Every sound, scent, and texture seems to capture his attention, but there's one sensation in particular that he can't seem to shake: thirst. You’re not even home yet, and you had to stop by a convenience store to get him a bottle of water. He shed his coat, which you are now carrying for him while also guiding him while simultaneously trying not to attract any unwanted attention.
You can’t help but look at him as though he is your whole world. He is. He is everything to you, even high on edibles he never meant to consume, and acting like a feral toddler. If anything, you are even prouder now that he is yours.
“Hey,” he whispers, leaning close to you, “do you think fire hydrants taste like licorice?”
You shake your head. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Matt, don’t lick the fire hydrant.”
He pouts. For a moment, you think that you have steered off any possible disaster, but that was only wishful thinking.
Matt’s curiosity knows no bounds, and he’s soon reaching out to touch anything that catches his eye. He runs his fingers along the rough brick foundation of a building, marveling at the texture, and he stops to sniff a flower, declaring, “This is the most beautiful flower I have ever smelled.”
You pluck it for him, and he carries it in the pocket of his coat with a happy smile.
You’re both exhausted when you finally make it to his apartment. Getting his large frame through the door is one thing, stopping him from tearing the tap off the sink as he desperately searches for liquid with the words, “Water!” is another.
“Okay, okay,” you try to calm him. You grab a bottle from the fridge, open it for him, and force him to take it. “Drink.”
One touch is enough for him to drop it. “It’s cold,” he recoils in agony.
You sigh. “Tap water it is, then.”
You have never seen him down so many glasses of water. He is severely dehydrated and sensitive to changes in temperature. It’s either too hot or too cold, and you’re so glad that Karen texted you when she did.
You manage to get him to the couch with some snacks that he devours within seconds. If he moves one more inch today, you may not be able to catch him again.
His lip twitches. “Chickens don’t have any arms.”
You pause in the process of wrapping him in a blanket, staring blankly ahead at him. “Excuse me?” you ask.
“Chickens don’t have any arms,” Matt states. “Every American citizen has the right to bear arms under the second amendment in the constitution. If an egg was fertilized on US soil, and the chicken hatched there as well, technically, that makes them a citizen of the United States of America, therefore allowing tiny creatures without arms the right to bear arms, but who gives the bears their arms?”
You’re so flabbergasted that the absurdity of the situation eludes you. The words process only slowly in your mind, and when they do, they cause a wave of confusion to wash over you before it turns into genuine amusement, and it takes every ounce of self-control to keep yourself from laughing at him.
You can pinpoint the exact second the thought escapes his mind and something else replaces it. His hand brushes over the leather couch. “Smooth,” he observes. You haven’t even fully processed his very philosophical question about the animal kingdom before he drops his cheek down on the couch.
The man who has been carrying the weight of the world in bricks on his back for years is finally relaxed; it shouldn’t leave such a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.
You kneel in front of him, reaching out to touch his cheek. “Do you need anything?” you ask.
Matt’s gaze is filled with an odd sort of clarity. “Nah. Just you,” he mumbles.
A soft smile tugs at your lips as you brush a sweaty strand of hair away from his forehead. "I'm right here," you reassure him.
He nods, his eyelids drooping as the effects of the edibles start to take their toll. “Good.” He searches for your hand, and you help him intertwine your fingers. A giddy smile finds its way onto his face. “You’re warm.”
You lean in to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “And you’re high,” you tease.
Matt huffs out a breathy laugh. “Mmh, yeah,” he says. “But it’s okay. ‘Cause you’re here.”
Despite the chaos and the unexpected turn of events, there’s a sense of contentment settling over you as you watch him drift off into a state of bliss. He deserves it more than anyone.
You stay by his side, watching over him as he succumbs to the pull of sleep that you’re all too familiar with after a sudden high.
“Note to self,” you say to yourself, “never eat a stranger’s cookies without drug testing them first.”
And love has funny ways of making even the most absurd moments feel strangely beautiful.
Matt Murdock Tag List: @littlenerdyravenclaw @yarrystyleeza @etanordoesbullsh1t @thychuvaluswife @harleycao @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @sya-skies @amberritonicole @thatonegamefish @norestfortheshelbywicked @mattkinsella @itwasthereaminuteago @linamarr @gpenguin666 @acharliecoxedfan
#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock#matt murdock x f!reader#matt murdock fluff#matt murdock x you#daredevil#daredevil x reader#reader insert#from the vault#charlie cox#weed cookies
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He looked into the galderstone. It’s blue shimmer allured him. Caleb stroked the surface of it. “I’d give anything to be alive and see her again.”
this line HURTS SO MUCH especially after all that has happened in ttocw RAAAAH /pos
Ok but seriously it so much fun to go back and read TGB (especially Caleb's arc) now that we've got to see so much of how you build his character nowadays
Man some lines just hit like an emotional train like These are not my hands.” He said, curling his fingers in. “This is my thumb. And my blood. But not my life. I wouldn’t rob Hunter of his life, I know what that’s like.” yeah that whole scene where Caleb was crying in hunters body got me rolling in tears /pos
All in all it was quite entertaining to watch goofball English-man argue with the children :)
I KNOW. 😭
Not me sitting over here all "how can I make this more tragic? :)" and then build Caleb up as someone who flip-flops between trying to live day-by-day and suicidal ideation, only to find hope and freedom and everything he ever wanted. And then the consequences of his deceits and lies catches up to him and he's murdered. And then he's a ghost who haunts his brother and lives inside the hearts of Grimwalkers made in his image ---
tgb spoilers beneath
SO I ASKED MYSELF, Y'KNOW??? HOW CAN I MAKE IT WORSE? oh, I KNOW!
What if he manages to manipulate his way to an unfinished grimwalker. And gets a new body. AYE????
THAT PLAN OF HIS, YEAH? GET A NEW BODY, AYE?? AND VENGEANCE???
AYE.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT, INNIT?
So he gets a body. Luz fights Belos, defeats him. That old bugger's still going and tries to run, aye?
But instead of killing him, y'know.. Because he's done a lot of harm and edited historical documents etc, his victims needs justice, aye?
And Caleb, who blames himself for being the trigger of events for leaving, for having raised Philip and subsequently turned his brother into this maniac, feels responsible.
Caleb, who wants retribution for being robbed of his life. but also justice for Evelyn and the realm he calls home, wanting to be put to justice for his own crimes as well as Philip's, which he views as an extension of his own.
He's in this half-finished grimwalker body. Open wounds and all, managed to stagger his way to the battleground, arrives post-defeat of Belos. And just as Belos is going to pull a last power-move, Caleb's there.
And manages to trick Belos into believing he's no longer bewitched, he's free. They can take down the realm together. Belos possess him.
with this spell I declare the pain to be shared.
and locks Belos into his galderstone heart forever.
That way, Philip got what he wanted - his brother back.
Caleb gets what he wanted - to "save" his brother but also bring him to justice to face his crimes.
Like this, Caleb asks to be sentenced, to be the "guard" of his brother and be his stand-in. As a responsible big brother, he lets "belos" go to court, encaged in Caleb's heart and only let out if allowed and even then Caleb. as both blueprint and grimwalker, has the final say in how long he gets to be out.
Caleb finally gets his peace by going to jail, and can help the boiling isles regain what Belos has taken away from them. Caleb was there after all, through the eyes of grimwalkers, he knows a thing or two.
There's two sentences.
One for Belos, aka Philip Wittebane. And one for his brother, Caleb Wittebane. They are conjoined for now, and the court doesn't agree with Caleb that he should suffer the same sentence as Belos. Though it cant be helped.
But as Caleb is in control, they make accommodations in his cell. Like for example he gets a TV, and a magical window he can look through but not break so he can see the island.
He gets visitation rights, too, and mandatory therapy.
Hunter and Luz visits a lot, and once the Clawthornes find out they're related, they visit too. Old friends of Caleb's like the batqueen, visits now and then too.
Caleb spends his days learning to read and write, helping Lilith and the new government find lost documents!
It is not difficult for him to stone sleep, and he does it more often than he should probably.
To him, this prison is basically just a nice extension of his previous prison in the galderstone heart.
But he dips down to his brother. They have things to talk about, to fight about, to argue and discuss. Philip has admitted defeat and gives the information Caleb is asking of him.
The brothers love one another, but both are resentful. So it's going to take a decade or few to see eye-to-eye. But Caleb is determined to make Philip understand he's done wrong and that this punishment is justified.
"The only reason you're not dead, Pip, is because my love for you triumph the hatred and anger I have for you. I cannot forgive you, not until you are truly sorry. I need you to repent. For once in your life, admit you're not the smartest in the room 'nor the most noble. You're not."
"I-"
"You are not! You are but human! We are human- We aren't perfect! By god, Pip, I am not the brother 'nor man you thought or wished I was. And you are delusional to think that you are any greater than the next flawed man."
"..."
"You have done great evil, Pip, and you can't even see it. I need you to see it."
"... If what I've done is so evil, then know I did it for you."
"Why do you think I'm here?"
"..."
"You fool."
The colourful smokes wisps up into the starry skies. Caleb looks up at the endless moving, twinkling, cosmos. It is not a normal night sky, it reminds him a bit of that Collector child's magic. But perhaps that's just the Galderstone magic looking similar.
He looks down at his pouting brother, he's changed form to his young adult self. His face all crinkled up with foul thoughts.
Caleb sighs.
Another argument leading nowhere. But someday he'd get through to him. Someday he would. The boy he once was, was in there, somewhere, or at least so Caleb hoped.
But maybe that was just an older brother's wishful thinking. He did not want to give up hope on Philip changing his ways. Perhaps it would take another 400 years to do it, but they had the time. And it's not like Philip had anybody else than Caleb and the beasts to talk to.
Artemis taps around in the sand.
"Ah, yes, I see you are losing to Artemis' masterful game of tic-tac-toe."
Philip glances at the sand and the little pebbles.
Indeed, he kept losing to the palisman.
He let out a grunt.
"Don't feel bad, he wins against me too. And I've gamed him for 400 years."
"Mh."
"...Alright, well, good night, Pip."
"..."
And Caleb left.
Opening his eyes to the quiet of his cell.
It was a nice cell, like a little flat with no privacy if someone looked in through the bars. He turned on his pillow, his soft and pleasant pillow. And saw the photograph of Evelyn by his bedside.
And smiled.
What wonders the modern day could conjure, huh? They took out a memory of her from him, copied it, put his memory back in his head and let him keep this copy of her - amongst other photos that donned his walls.
Nearly from floor to ceiling, there were photos of his past, of Hunter and his friends, his descendants. Some posters of things he liked from the human realm and the demon realm.
But near his bed, like the star on a christmas tree, was a framed picture.
His Evelyn.
"Oh Ev, he's stubborn."
But Evelyn's photograph didn't respond.
"But so am I. And he is helping, although a bit less graciously as I'd hoped. But he is giving what I'm asking for at least, with some... Persuasion."
Evelyn's photo was smiling sweetly at him, and he smiled back.
"Lilith is coming tomorrow, with Hunter and Amity. What do you think I should wear? Mh? Blue shirt? Red shirt? I like the red one.. It has frills!"
He got lost in her eyes and cuddled down.
"Yeah.. Red one."
He closed his eyes to dream.
"G'night Ev."
And as he slept, he had another one of those dreams where she played a lyre for him.
They laughed, and talked, and played in the summers and winters of his dreams. An endless forest with golden lights, her laughter, and his cheeky grins.
This dream was a summer.
The tulips swayed in the breeze.
Caleb liked to think those dreams were her ghost visiting him. After all, he'd been a ghost for centuries, he knew what they could do. Entering dreams were one of many perks.
He had his hell in his galderheart, his heaven in his dreams.
He was at peace.
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love in an elevator (natasha romanoff)
summary: nothing will make you confront your ex like being trapped in a lift with her
warnings: language
eugh two natasha fics in a night?? no regrets. i love my wife. enjoy.
jazz xx
The key to a break up, you had come to learn, was distance.
Distance and space and time apart and whatever other bullshit it was that Vogue recommended every week. Maybe a glass of wine or two here and there, and a night out with your closest friends. You'd cycled through that process ten times over but getting distance from Natasha Romanoff felt near enough fucking impossible when she was quite literally everywhere. At work, in the office, at the Avengers HQ, in the streets. New York had become a thousand times smaller after your break-up.
Seeing her at work was unavoidable. After all, that was how you'd met. Natasha was easy enough to get on with back then; she was blunt and straight to the point but it was clear she cared deeply about the people she loved. You never imagined being one of them yourself, but when she'd asked you out after a few weeks of casual flirting and longing glances, it was hard to remember a time when you weren't. And not only were you somebody she loved, you were the person she loved most. The person she wanted to come home to everyday; the one she laid herself bare too and would have stopped at nothing to make you happy.
It had been a good year and a half. All smiles and a few rocky days here and there, but you never wanted to leave Natasha's side. She'd never pictured buying herself a ring for anyone, or even considering the idea of marriage, but the day she proposed had been the best of your life. Multiple promises had been made that day. I'll love you forever and I'm never taking this ring off.
Promises, as it was, were made to be broken.
Work got hard for both of you. Missions and long trips apart and your relationship basically becoming long distance. Each factor a tiny nail in your coffin but Natasha Romanoff would have been lying if she said she wasn't the one building said coffin and holding the fucking hammer. Because for every day she spent away from you was a day that she took a step back to her old ways. She became a closed off woman all over again, shutting you out and refusing to talk.
You'd have been a fool to let her treat you that way. Leaving was hard but like hell were you going to let her drag you down with her. She'd lost herself and now she'd lost you too.
Your break-up had been a wake up call. She'd gotten better - gone to therapy, started talking to people again, come back into herself. At that point she could have begged you to take her back, but what use was it? There was no promise that she wouldn't do the same again. The risk of hurting you was too high.
So, Natasha kept her distance and so did you - where you could, at least. Getting into an elevator with her wasn't ideal but you were running late for your meeting and hell, you couldn't wait any longer. That had been your main worry right then -standing next to your ex, wondering if you'd make it in on time- but as soon as the elevator shuddered to a halt and the lights went out, those worries seemed like a fucking vacation.
"Are you kidding me?" you huffed. "Tony Stark spends millions on this building but he cheaps out on the elevators?"
"Hey, it's fine," Natasha said - stoic as ever, but just as jittery as you. Not so much at the situation - it was hard to be worried about being stuck in a lift when you'd fought aliens - but rather at who she was with. "You just gotta press the emergency button-"
She stopped, watching as you began to punch the bright red button multiple times.
"Only once, though," Nat continued. "You don't want to break it."
"Jeez thanks, Natasha," you muttered. "Wisdomful, as always."
"I'm just trying to help."
"Well, you're not!" you snapped. "I'm running late for a meeting and I do not need this right now."
"This being stuck in a lift or this being stuck in a lift with me?"
You huffed. "Does it matter? I don't have time for this."
"We're literally stuck in an elevator," she shot back. "I'd argue you have all the time in the world."
"Fine," you muttered. "I don't like being stuck in elevators at the best of times but being stuck in one with my ex-girlfriend -my ex-fiance, even - is a little less desirable."
She gave you a smile. "There we go."
Natasha gracefully placed her bag down and took a seat on the floor of the elevator. She pulled a book out the front pocket and began to read, clearly not phased by the situation. You let out another loud sigh and threw your own briefcase to the ground, clumsily taking a seat beside her. Her green eyes flickered up from the pages, giving you another smile. This was so you. Making a scene, being over-dramatic at the slightest inconvenience. She'd been the reasonable one in your relationship.
Pulling out your phone, you began to violently type something.
"Who are you messaging?" she asked.
"Why do you care?"
"Because you're about to crack your phone screen with how hard you're typing."
You rolled your eyes. "I'm messaging Tony to let him know what a dickhead he is."
"I don't think Tony's to blame-"
"- look, Natasha. My morning is ruined and I'm going to get so much shit from Fury for missing this meeting that I need to let it out, okay?" you cut her off. "Sometimes, it's just easier to have someone to blame."
"Do you blame me for our break-up?"
Your brows shot up, eyes widening. Okay, you hadn't expected that question. There hadn't been much conversation about your break-up. You'd just told Nat you were leaving and she hadn't argued. Even when you wanted her to - even when you were ready to beg and implore and beseech for her to want you to stay - you'd stayed quiet.
"W-what?" you stuttered. "No, of course not."
"Are you sure?"
"There are a lot of things in that situation that I'm not sure of but that isn't one of them," you insisted. "I don't blame you or me or anyone. I mean...yeah, you coulda tried harder but - why are we even talking about this?"
Natasha shrugged. "Like I said, we're stuck in a lift. Seems like a sign from the universe to ask this stuff."
"Right," you replied. "No, I don't blame you and no, I don't hate you and yes, I forgive you for anything you think I might be holding against you. Any more questions?"
"Do you miss me?" she quietly asked. "I miss you."
"All the time, Nat," you said. "Sorry I iced you out."
"You did what you had to," Natasha reasoned. "And quite honestly, I iced you out first, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you did."
'I think...I think that losing you was the wake-up call I needed," she admitted. "For what it's worth, you're the reason I got better. The reason I am better."
You shrugged. "It's just what I do."
"Yeah, okay," Natasha laughed. "One more question -do you hate me for not calling you?"
"Yeah, a little," you said. "I guess some part of me always hoped that there was still a chance for us."
"Maybe there is."
You glanced over at her, eyebrows raised. "You think so?"
"I know so."
"Okay," you replied. "Dinner tomorrow night then?"
Natasha nodded, glancing back down at her book. "Yeah, sounds good."
#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff imagine#natasha romanoff imagines#natasha romanoff angst#natasha romanoff fluff#black widow x reader#black widow imagines#black widow fluff#black widow imagine#avengers imagine#marvel imagine#marvel imagines
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bottoms (2023) sentence starters.
we've looked like shit for years, and we are developing.
we're finally hot. at least, according to me.
nobody's going to want to fuck me this year, just like nobody wanted to fuck me last year or the year before.
i've been building tension.
i'm playing the long game with her, okay?
what the fuck happened to her?
that made me so sad. what?
i don't need this negative, really sad attitude. please.
what the fuck are you wearing?
nobody hates us for being gay. everyone hates us for being gay, untalented, and ugly.
oh my god, she ate shit is what happened.
she ate literal shit? what the fuck?
or did you get beat up again?
yeah, we went to juvie.
i don't want to say it, but we're fucked!
why do you always have to flirt with other women?
it doesn't count if they're not in high school.
would you like a safety ride?
i'm sorry that i looked at mrs. reilly and lightly grazed her left tit, alright?
don't talk to me, you ugly bitch, okay? i do not talk to girls in overalls.
okay, i might be ugly, but these aren't overalls.
you're being really mean right now.
i heard you, like, beat up my boyfriend last night?
maybe i SHOULD buy a gun.
what? don't buy a gun. nobody said buy a gun.
guys do that all the time, okay? that's the point of feminism.
that's not the point of feminism. you also don't care about feminism.
why would you lie to me?
so you killed a girl?
i know how to take a punch.
i was thinking, if they were coming at me with, like, swords and, like, knives, and like, guns and stuff, and you taught me how to punch like that, then i wouldn't die.
can i be honest? you're a person who's not coping with what's going on.
sometimes, when you have a new hobby, don't show up.
that's my favorite way to be an ally. you just say you're doing something, and then you don't do any of those things.
my dad left me, and i'm incredibly punctual.
i'm gonna finally reverse-stalk my stalker.
i'll be able to kill my stepdad.
i love talking about my trauma.
i literally jack off after every single therapy session.
yeah, well, all women are hot to me.
we had to just, like, fight people, sometimes to the death.
i still hear their screams at night, and that guilt will probably shackle me forever.
i realize now, i don't have to be that person anymore. i don't have to just let things happen to me.
i just get the hot people confused. jesus.
i can't answer that question, because i don't know how to read.
no, i would never cheat on you again, okay?
what about, like, a bomb? like a super small bomb. they're super easy to make.
yeah, let's do terrorism.
don't get distracted, 'cause we can be fined like $2 for this.
i really value when people use violence and raise their voices for me. it's actually one of my love languages.
no, leave the skin on his face, will you?
i'm not a fucking idiot. i just look like this.
man, i knew women were evil.
all of the blame just goes on me, then? like, none of this can be traced back to you at all?
i didn't want to do this from the beginning. you know that.
does it even matter? do you even care? do you actually like her? do you care about anyone other than yourself?
do you care about anyone other than yourself?
just find some other girl to jack off to and do nothing about.
if you don't wanna borrow firearms, then why are you here?
sorry, people didn't know you're gay?
i never had many friends, and that's sad. and as i've gotten older in this world, it's just gotten more sad.
okay, well, obviously, why would you lay it out like that? because it sounds insane.
i'm sorry for saying that you have no friends really loud in front of all of your friends.
i'm sorry for being an asshole a lot of the time. most of the time. all of the time.
that is obviously a red flag. are we not reading that as a red flag? that's crazy.
oh, now you want a bomb.
in your fucking dreams, which you don't deserve to have. when you sleep, it should just be like, total darkness.
i do want to say... i feel like you killed that guy.
we killed a lot of guys. we'll process it later.
you didn't have to start a whole fight club just to date me. you could have just talked to me.
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For Maya to ask "how could you?" to Carina when she was the one who has hurt herwofe so many times. I feel like she is no difference than Vincenzo. How is she different?
Hello OP!
It's interesting how Maya asked, "How could you?" instead of "How dare you?" which I think is something that both Vincenzo and Lane would say.
But why would she say that?
How could she say that when she was the one who has been screaming in Carina's face even when her wife was trying to help her?
The first thing that she said was actually,
"I just- I can't believe you would do this to me" that was the start of her disbelief. That was when her heart started breaking.
That was after Carina told her that if she didn't stop, she would be put in restraints. That was after Carina said, "please don't make this harder than it needs to be."
That was when she stopped trying to free herself from the tubes and wires. That was when she was stunned.
"Wow. Huh."
And then she told Carina what she expected of her - the love and support that she gave to Carina when Carina was grieving; when she could barely get off the kitchen floor.
Her company.
The plate of sandwiches that she prepared.
The crappy cup of espresso that she tried to make (and the first-degree burns that she had from trying).
The space when everything was too soft.
The place for Carina to dump her guilt, the blame, the part that stings the most - she would hold on to it so that Carina could get stronger and when she did, she could have it all back.
The anger that she shared.
The sirens and how her scream covered Carina's so that hers wouldn't sound so dark and twisted.
The hug.
The warm drink that she brought to their room and placed on Carina's side of the bed.
The hug when she saw Carina snuggled on her side, sleeping.
The safety.
The love and support.
But when she was wounded, terrified, and suffocated - Carina said "you left me no choice" and would not hesitate to put her in restraints.
She pleaded to go home before. She told Carina, she could help her at home, failing to see that nobody could help her because she was unaware of how badly shattered her mind was.
Carina was grieving but Maya was ill. You can't treat illness with just space, care, love, and support. But Maya didn't know.
So, she cried and tried to tell Carina again,
"This is not helping me. I just- I can't believe you would do this to me."
Because in her mind, Carina was trying to escape. Carina was trying to take the easy way out.
Carina was trying to force her into therapy instead of giving her love and support and space when she was pushing through the pain. For Maya, all she needed Carina - even when she woke up in an ER, surrounded by wires, with her shirt cut off, she asked, "Where's Carina?"
"I can't-" and she saw Carina slowly stepping away from her.
And when Carina cut her off with "Dr. Altman is going to take it from here-", she felt as if Carina had never listened to her and her pleas. It was as if Carina was waiting for this moment to hand her over to another party as if she was a broken person that Carina couldn't wait to get rid of.
She laughed a little at the irony.
She used to question herself a lot - if Carina should be with her. She knew that "Carina is perfect", that "Carina is light and lovely, and I'm not". She knew that her brain was faulty, that she was dark as hell, and that she tried so hard to be the perfect copy of Lane she might have become one. She used to be terrified that one day she would snap at Carina like Lane and that Carina would stop loving her.
After some time, she thought Carina wouldn't.
She thought Carina would never. She loves Carina and she chose her, forever.
She wanted to build a family with her. To have a little Carina she could count her blessings on.
But now, she saw Carina walking away.
"Oh. The length that you go to have it your way"
To force her to get the help she needed, the way she needed, on the timeline she set.
"If you walk-" her voice cracked at the verge of crying.
She was ready to plead as she did on the rooftop when she asked Carina to have her back. She wanted to reach out as she did when she wanted to hug Carina when she couldn't sleep. She wanted Carina to turn around and convince her that she should sleep in bed at home, with her because that is always exactly what she needs.
But she knew that wouldn't happen.
Just like how Carina walked away on the rooftop. Just like how Carina got off the bed.
And she knew all of that was her fault.
She knew it when she threw the tray and broke the bowl. She knew it when she put on those running shoes and ran to the station. She knew it when she cried in the shower after she almost died in that cornfield.
But she wasn't sure if Carina would be so kind again to give her another chance. What if Carina have really stopped loving her? What if she finally exhausted Carina? Because when Carina repeatedly said "you need to get help", she never said "and I will be by your side", "I will wait for you" or "I need you to be okay".
What Maya heard was "I cannot have a family with that. With you, like that."
So she did what Lane would. She threatened Carina,
"If you WALK out that door, we're done.
Do you hear me?
Hm?
Do you hear me?"
Because when Lane spat similar warnings to her, she remembered how she flinched and how scared she was that her every muscle would tense. But because she was scared of losing his love, she obeyed. She stayed. She pushed through.
Maybe Carina would too.
But Carina was no cowardly kid.
She is a woman in love. She was rational, calm, and collected.
She knew what she was doing and it was what she thought would be the best for Maya.
"I lose you either way, bella.
I'd rather lose you and have you be alive."
The gasp when she said No.
All her fears came true.
Carina started to disappear from her view.
She called her name.
She asked, how could you do this to me?
On the verge of a panic attack, she screamed out her name again.
Maybe that's the only way she could breathe - to gasp for air, just to call out her name again.
To ask her, How could you?
To beg her, Get back here!
And the next morning, she lay in bed, lifeless without restraints.
Because there was no more home and all that she needed was gone.
_ _ _ _ _ _
TL;DR
She is not Vincenzo. She loves Carina and hates herself.
Vincenzo loves himself and blames everyone else.
But it's good to remember that it's never someone else's responsibility to fix you and you couldn't treat an illness just by the power of love. Being loved and loving someone makes a day worth the struggle. But the fight is still yours to go through.
People have the right to leave if something hurts them or if it is too much for them to bear. So do you.
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The Fall - Part Two: Emily
It sneaks up on him. Quiet and unassuming until it catches up with him, tapping him on the shoulder just before he’s pulled under by it.
For her it's fast. Every moment she's overlooked, wilfully ignorant of them or not, hit her all at once, knocking all the breath from her lungs.
An exploration into how Aaron and Emily fall in love with each other.
Part 1
-x-
Hiiii friends <3
Thank you so much for the love on part one. I will never tire of writing for these two idiots.
I really hope you enjoy this part, and Emily's idiocy as she realises how deeply in love with Aaron she is.
Third and final part will be up tomorrow <3
-x-
Words: 2k
Warnings: Mentions/discussion of infertility in this part
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut
She’s anxious.
She can feel it burning in her chest. The scar on her abdomen twists with it, so fresh and torn open she can feel the thrust of the table leg, Ian’s icy blue eyes staring back at her whenever she blinks. She places her hand over the scar, pressing firmly against it to remind herself that it is healed, the numb tingling of the thickest part of the scar bringing her back to herself. A much-needed reminder she’d already survived the worst of it.
“Emily?”
She looks up at the sound of her name being called and stands as her eyes meet those of her doctor, Doctor Wells. Emily screws her hands tightly together as she walks the short distance into the other woman’s office.
“Thank you for waiting,” Doctor Wells says, gently closing the door behind Emily and indicating towards her desk.
“It’s okay,” Emily replies as she sits down, smiling tightly at Doctor Wells. She swallows, desperately trying to push down the anxiety that was climbing up her throat It’s cloying, blocking her airways like a thick paste.
“I’ll go over the details with you in a moment,” Doctor Wells says, clasping her hands in front of her on the desk between them, “But to put your mind at ease, based on the ultrasound I performed, your blood work, and the exploratory laparoscopy I see no reason why you wouldn’t be able to conceive and carry a successful pregnancy.”
It takes a moment for her words to settle over Emily, for the good news she’d convinced herself she wouldn’t get to wash over her. She chokes out a laugh and shakes her head slightly, a single shocked word following the strangled sound.
“What?”
Doctor Wells smiles, “The injuries you sustained have not impacted your fertility,” she confirms, “There could be…complications if you chose to move forward and have a baby, mostly to do with the stretching of your scar tissue as your abdominal muscles move to accommodate the fetus,” she smiles kindly, “But we could cross that bridge if or when we get there.”
Emily nods, settling back further into her chair as she relaxes a little, the tension that had been building in her chest since she got confirmation of this appointment easing slightly.
In Paris, the doctors had mentioned her ability to have children off-handedly. It wasn’t a priority at first, all of their focus was on her physical therapy. Rebuilding muscles she hadn’t even known she had, her exhaustion bone deep as she learnt to walk again. Slowly building her strength back up over months and months. It was mentioned again just before she came home, a follow-up appointment where it was decided if she wanted the answers they’d have to do more tests. She decided she wanted to know one way or the other, to know if that door was closed forever, locked shut before she’d ever truly been able to open it.
She’d convinced herself it wasn’t possible. Prepared herself for the worst-case scenario, a lifetime of being let down by circumstances and things she couldn’t control assuring her that there wasn’t another option.
She listens as best as she can as Doctor Wells tells her everything, her explanation that, given Emily’s age on top of everything else, her results were excellent. Some of it passes her by, her shock making her feel like she is underwater, and she knows she’s going to have to call up in a couple of days for a summary of what she’s been told.
She thanks Doctor Wells and leaves her office, stuck in her own little world as she leaves the hospital. Smiling to herself, biting the inside of her cheek in an attempt to contain it, as she walks outside. The possibility, the maybes and what ifs she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in months escaping from the box she’d locked them up in so tightly.
The relief, the light feeling in her chest she hadn’t had in months, is short-lived as she realises it’s all well and good to know she could have kids if she wanted to. That Ian hasn’t stolen that from her as well as the life she had loved, the all too brief peace she had enjoyed. It was fine knowing that, but it didn’t mean she’d get to experience it. She was single and in her 40s, and unless she walked into the person she was going to spend the rest of her life with soon it would be yet another thing to pass her by.
“Em?”
She looks up as she walks out of the hospital, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as her eyes meet his, “Aaron?”
He stands up from the bench he’d been sitting on and he picks up a small box he’d placed next to him. He walks towards her and comes to a stop just in front of her, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she says, smiling curiously at her friend, “Are you okay?” She asks, wondering what on earth would have brought him here to the hospital, “What are you doing here?”
He smiles, an edge of what she thinks is embarrassment to it as he avoids her eye contact for a second, “I know you were anxious about today so I thought I’d come meet you afterwards,” he admits, clearing his throat, “I brought you cookies. Jack and I made them last night.”
He thrusts the box in his hands forward and she takes them from him, her eyebrows furrowing as she looks up at him, “Thanks. Thats…” she drifts off, unsure how to put into words how she was feeling, what his casual attention to detail meant to her, “That’s really sweet. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yes I did,” he replies, his smile wide, his dimples carved deep into his cheeks, his hands buried deep in his pockets as he shrugs as if it’s nothing. As if his simple kindness and the way he cared for her weren’t everything.
When she looks back on it, she isn’t sure why this is the moment that flicks the switch in her head. Why him showing up outside the hospital to wait for her, after an appointment she’d only mentioned in passing, made the penny drop after so many other moments that had seemingly passed her by. It's fast. Every moment she's overlooked, wilfully ignorant of them or not, hit her all at once, knocking all the breath from her lungs.
One thing Emily had always prided herself on was her intelligence, never letting anyone, especially men, diminish it or her. She’d effortlessly always got good grades, even when she tried to make a point of not trying when winding her mother up was the only way she got her attention. She could pick up languages easily, her brain wired in the right way for it, a benefit of the old money type of nomadic childhood she’d had. She loved to read and learn. To look up at the sky and know what stars were looking back. She’s a smart woman and she knows it. But right now, staring at the man who was where he’d always been - right in front of her - she feels stupid.
She loves him. Loves him in a way she never thought was possible, and if the way he was looking at her was anything to go by he loves her too.
He was her best friend, her confidant. The reason she was starting to feel at home again in a place that, when she first came back, had felt unfamiliar. A danger she knew was dead and gone lingering in every shadow, including her own. She loved spending time with Aaron and Jack, evenings and weekends that gave her a taste of the life she’d never had.
Dinners of boxed mac and cheese and dino nuggets far better than some of the fine cuisine she’d eaten all over the world, purely because she was with them. Their company and the achingly normal time she spent with them were more important to her than anything else. Her one-on-one time with Aaron, the way she could make him laugh, an almost goofy sound from him that she could never have imagined when they met, a balm to her weary soul.
She wonders if that’s why she didn’t see that it ran deeper than that. She’d already lost so much over the years that she knew she couldn’t lose him too. So she’d subconsciously blocked herself from realising she didn’t just love him as a friend.
She was in love with him.
It feels like the lights have suddenly been switched on. That her future which had been bleary and out of focus was now in bright techicolour, every image clearer than the last. Each one filled with her and Aaron and Jack, a family she’d found in the most unlikely of places.
She was in love with him.
“Em?” He asks, placing his hand on her arm, his warm palm pulling her out of the trance she’d fallen into, “Are you okay?”
She looks at him, her eyes snapping to his, and she nods, “Yeah,” she says, clearing her throat when her voice shakes, “Yeah I’m totally fine.”
He frowns, his concern clear, “You’re crying.”
She lifts her hand to her cheek and feels a stray tear on her cheek, one she hadn’t even realised had fallen, and she lets out a strangled noise, something halfway between a laugh and a sob, and she shakes her head as she wipes it away.
“It’s been a long day,” she says, smiling reassuringly at him.
“We can do dinner another night if you-”
“No,” she says, shaking her head as she cuts him off, stopping his offer to cancel their plans of her coming over to spend time with him and Jack. The thought of being anywhere other than where he was inconceivable, “Dinner with you and that adorable son of yours sounds like exactly what I need.”
“As long as you’re sure?” He asks, his brows furrowing as he looks at her intently as if he’s trying to look past the walls he’d already knocked down. She reaches out and squeezes his arm, smiling softly.
“I’m sure,” she says, squeezing his arm again before she lets him go. She raises the box of cookies he’d given her, “Besides, I don’t think I could eat all of these myself.”
He chuckles and shakes his head at her as they turn and head towards the parking lot, “Says the woman I once saw eat an entire pack of thin mints.”
“Hey,” she says, mocking offence as she scoffs, “That was me being supportive of the Girl Scouts.”
He smiles, his eyes shining brightly, making her stomach flip, “I’ll believe you, thousands wouldn’t.”
She bites her lip to stop herself from saying something she knows she shouldn’t, knowing that the parking lot outside her doctor's office is not the place for grand revelations. She realises that he’s walked all the way to her car with her, several spaces past his own, and she tilts her head at him curiously.
“You didn’t have to walk me to my car.”
“Yes I did,” he says, repeating his words from earlier, his smile making her feel like she’s burning from the inside out. Her heart threatening to burst with the love she felt for him.
She stares at him for a moment and it takes everything in her to not lean forward and kiss him, to close the gap between them and take the step that one of them had to take at some point. Instead, she clears her throat, sure that her cheeks must be bright pink from how warm they felt.
“So, I’ll meet you at yours?”
“Yeah,” he says, smiling at her before he starts to walk back to his car, “See you there.”
“See you there,” she says before she climbs into her car, pulling the door closed behind her. She sits in silence for a moment, frozen in place before she looks at herself in the rearview mirror. She huffs out a laugh and shakes her head, “Well, shit.”
-x-
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If this is weird feel free to ignore (and this is not really an ask there is just no anonymous way to send this in) but. I literally can't imagine Devildom without IK now? Even if IK isn't there in a major way, whenever I throw OCs into the Devildom they are usually the second group of humans thrown into the exchange program (with IK and Solomon being the first group). One is most often a sorcerer in training that is more bluff than power and has no idea why he's there but self-delegated himself to protecting the second human, usually my 'considered non powered for whatever reason' human. More often they just sort of know IK exists but are too intimidated by Lucifer and Co. to try and approach. They usually live in Purgatory Hall, though Cocytus Hall is also sometimes used because of Nightbringer. My most 'infringes on IK's existence' was a time when the normal human was IK's half sister from the mom, and her relationship with IK ranged from 'IK is tolerating you' to 'IK does not understand why you are jealous of her' (the half sister also did not have a great relationship with their mom so would get jealous that IK's dad seemed to love her). I then feel a strange guilt for infringing on your idea too much so I just?? Drop this particular OC on and off? Final random ramble thought, I use the name Yuukiran a lot for the non-powered OC because it combines three MCs from various games.
... sorry for all of this I ended up brain rotting in your ask box
don't be sorry!! this is genuinely super cool - just the feeling that jtta influenced how you think about this universe to this degree is Insane (in a good way)
your ocs sound cool too!! absolutely don't hold back on my account, keep thinking about them, keep rotating them in your mind microwave - it's the best part about creating silly little guys! the idea of ik's mother having a child again later in life (when she feels more ready to), but having the whole situation with ik and her dad sort of Haunting her through being a parent... now that's some prime impending-therapy-for-mother-issues material. i can see ik sort of half-heartedly trying to befriend her, but depending on how receptive the half-sister is she might prefer to keep her distance, especially given her own emotional baggage in regards to their mum
also i always think about this when the notion of a second exchange year comes up so i've definitely mentioned it before, but just the idea of diavolo proposing it like "the first one went so well, let's do it again, deepen our ties between realms!!" and satan stares at him like "your first ever non-magic human visitor died"
maybe another reason your sorcerer-in-training feels the need to protect the non-magic student is because they spoke to solomon and he was like "yeah the year went great, you'll make friends that'll be there for you forever! oh by the way, take care of your other human, because my one literally died and it kind of destroyed her for a bit and jsyk watching that sort of thing destroys you a little bit too. it does build character though! anyway, have fun!!!!!"
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Your posts about an older Bella who was in therapy and got over Edward made me think: do you think a mentally stable Bella would still want vampirism? Do you in generally think that someone who wants vampirism is mentally stable? Aro of course searched it out, but Aro is also truly an extraodinary person
I beleive anon's referring to this post.
Interesting question though. I think we'll do the latter first.
Do You Have to Be Mentally Unstable to Want Vampirism?
No.
It depends on what your priorities are.
The Twilight vampires are not the Buffy vampires. Yes, you subsist on a diet of bloodshed and murder and lose everything you have, but you do not lose your soul/your very self.
In the Buffy world, if you become a vampire, it's not you. It's a demon driving your body who has access to your memories and aspects of your personality, but it's not you. You, as a person, left the building ages ago.
This is why the only people we see in the series who want to become vampires are poorly informed (Lily/Anne and Spike if we count his very brief seduction and sudden turn into a vampire out of nowhere as being informed at all) or else dying of cancer and so terrified of death that they will lose their very selves so their husk of a body can go on.
In the Buffy world, you either have no idea what vampirism is or you're telling yourself it's not what it is, if you want to become a vampire.
In the Twilight world, that isn't the case.
From what we see of Bella, even with what Edward fears, she remains herself. Her priorities are still her priorities, in her case she can control herself, and she proceeds to get everything she ever wanted. It's not a demon driving Bella Swan's body around.
But, again, to choose to be a vampire depends on your priorities and how informed you truly are.
Taking out people who don't know what they're agreeing to or signing up for and putting in the caveat that they wouldn't be told "oh, you can be like this weird hippie coven and live off animals rather than people" we have someone who has to weigh the pros and cons of a few things.
They're going to have to eat a person a fortnight. They may live a life with no companionship, if they never join a coven and they never have the control to turn someone. If they do turn someone, they'll be tearing them from their lives and futures. They will lose their society. They will lose their employment, their education, their families, everything and everyone they had before. They will likely have to fight other vampires to secure territory and could very well be killed.
On the other hand, they'll be near invulnerable, beautiful, strong, fast. They'll never need to worry about shelter, money, bills of any kind ever again. If they find a companion, then that companion will be young, beautiful forever, never age. They'll have a perfect memory, great emotional highs, and potentially some supernatural ability.
I personally believe the cons outweigh the pros but there are people who I believe would be very tempted by not having to live in a society and being gifted with immortality and youth.
That doesn't necessarily make them mentally unwell or even myopic, it just means different priorities in life.
Would a Non-Depressed Bella Still Want Vampirism?
I believe she'd likely still be very tempted.
Bella may no longer be depressed, may have patched her self-esteem issues, but she is at heart a romantic.
If she's granted a beautiful, immortal, lover that she can spend the rest of eternity with, who lives in wealth and splendor and is like a prince in a fairy tale, and she herself would transcend humanity and become beautiful with him...
Even as an adult, I can see that being very hard for Bella to say no to.
She may spend more time justifying this decision to herself, grieving losing her parents versus assuming they won't even miss her, and seriously consider what it means to leave the human world behind (though this latter is her dependent on realizing that being a vampire in university and high school is different than being a human and what continually pretending to be a teenager who has no friends will do to her).
I just don't see her being into Edward specifically, as he'd be too young emotionally and physically by that point. Edward is described as having the face made for boybands, the idol of all tweens and some late teenagers. Adult women? Makes you feel kind of gross inside. Especially when Edward opens his mouth and says... the most seventeen things to ever seventeen.
Add onto that the alarming shit Edward says and a stable, non-depressed, Bella will likely say "no me gusta" to the red flags Edward flies with reckless abandon.
"I'll murder you in the woods and eat your corpse" sounds much less sexy when you're 25 versus when you're 17.
But vampirism presented by the right person? I imagine Bella would still be very tempted if not no holds barred interested.
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Hiatus Reading: "I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!"
Fanonwriter2023 on AO3
Where CANON and FANON collide!
Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic: Season 7 FANON Speculation
Chapter 7 is now available on AO3.
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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”
Currently 7 chapters completed: 154.8K words
Rated: Mature
One chapter will be posted at a time.
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I’m working on Chapter 8 and things are getting even more interesting because at the end of Chapter 7, Buck received a subpoena to meet with Los Angeles County's ADA since he's a witness in Jonah Greenway's upcoming trial. Dr. Copeland suggested he read TK's book in preparation for the trail, so instead of him buying it, he checked it out at the library. Also, during one of their late-night conversations, Eddie told Buck he'll tell him more about his new therapist soon. Chris started thinking about asking Eddie the questions about his mother that he told him he wasn't ready to ask while they were in El Paso in chapter 5. There's already a lot happening and there's still a lot more to come. I'm super excited with how this fic is going and I can't wait to continue working on it. The unraveling of season 6 is fantastic.
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Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.
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Chapter Summaries
Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.
Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.
Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.
Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.
Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.
Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.
Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are part of the foundation when a couple builds a long-lasting love relationship.
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Read chapters 1-7 are available on AO3.
Continue reading on AO3
#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#christopher diaz#the buckley diaz family#buckley diaz family#911 fox#911onfox#911 on fox#911 abc#911 on abc#911 season 7 speculation#911 fanfic#buddie fanfic#Fanonwriter2023 on AO3#Hiatus Reading#“I'm still in love with you but I needed to learn how to love myself too!”#Chapters 1-7 are available on AO3
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Yours, Forever | Chapter 8
PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader
WORD COUNT | 2.7K
SUMMARY | Y/N has a hard time dealing with the attack, and is seeing a therapist. After months and months of hard work, she is finally able to get back into work, and face the Avengers again, showing everyone the progress she has made during het time away.
WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Mention of triggers after a traumatic event, swearing, flashback to past abusive relationship - physical, sexual, emotional and mental abuse mentioned, flashback to losing a parent due to suicide caused by depression, social anxiety, anxiety attack.
A/N | Hi everyone, thank you so much for reading my first ever fic! I would like to start off by saying that English isn’t my first language (I’m Dutch after all 😉) so every mistake you find – spelling or otherwise – is completely my own. I would appreciate you spreading the love about this fic, and I ofcourse hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜
Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Series masterlist | Chapter 7 | Chapter 9
It has been about three months since the incident with Bucky, and slowly but surely Y/N is easing back into work at the office, which is a lot more than she can handle at the moment. Every time she works from home there isn't a problem and the work load is perfectly okay, but the office still brings a lot of triggers with it. Even though she doesn't work as much as she used to, it is still a struggle to go there sometimes. Tony is always with her, and always close by, but knowing that she is still in the same building as her ex-boyfriend who hurt her brings back a lot of bad memories. She ran into Tony's office on more than one occasion because the pressure was too much to handle, and they went home immediately, but it hurt Tony to see her like this. It hurt him to see her struggle with her PTSD again, just like she did after everything Paul had done. He finally had his old Y/N back, but that asshole had to fuck her up once again. She didn't deserve this.
These triggers didn't go unnoticed by Y/N ofcourse, but she still tried to get over them by herself, just like last time. But this isn't the same as last time. Back then she wasn't hurt by someone she loved so much, someone she would pluck the moon and stars for if that's what he wanted. She was hurt by some piece of shit who couldn't keep his hands or his dick to himself, not by her soulmate. And that is exactly what made this a hundred times worse than anything Paul could have ever done to her. This time it got so bad, Tony tried to bring up the possibility of going to a therapist, so she could get the professional help she desperately needed. ''No one is going to judge you for talking to a therapist, honey. I see that it is becoming too much for you to handle on your own, and I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you. So please, I strongly advise you to go see a therapist, and get the help you need, for you, for me, for all of us. We all love you and want nothing but the best for you.'' and she decided to go.
In the beginning, therapy was incredibly hard, and she couldn't talk about what happened, because she was just crying, more than she ever thought would be possible. But after a few sessions, she became a little more comfortable with her therapist, and decided to open up about her first traumatic experience, losing her mom to suicide.
I was 13, when I lost my mom to suicide, but that wasn't her first attempt. She was struggling with depression for as long as I could remember. When I was a little kid, we used to play together a lot, and do all sorts of fun stuff, but over time that happened less and less, and she was taking less care of me, my dad and herself. She didn't bring me to school, didn't pick me up, at her deepest moments she didn't even get out of bed, because she just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what triggered her depression, but I know it was hard to see my mom like that, I won't ever forget how extremely helpless I felt.
Her first attempt was unsuccessful, when she swallowed a bunch of pills when I was around 8 or 9 years old. My dad found her in the bathroom and called 911, my neighbor got me and I had to stay there until my parents came back from the hospital. They said my mom wasn't feeling well, so she wouldn't be getting out of bed for a while. Later, I found out that it was just a side effect of the heavy anti-depressants she was on.
Her second, and last attempt, was indeed successful. For a few years, she seemed to be on the rise, but as you know you can't believe everything you see on the outside. She was struggling beyond belief, and on Christmas day, she couldn't take it anymore. She slit both her wrists and bled out in a bath tub, and it was my dad once again who found her. This time I was taken by my friends mom, and I was living there for a while. All my dad said was that my mom was in so much emotional and mental pain, that she couldn't take it anymore. She didn't see any other way out.
It felt good to Y/N to finally be able to tell her story, her story of losing her mom. The woman she loved so dearly, who she missed so much every single day. ''There isn't a day where I don't think about her, and how much she would have loved New York. It was her absolute favorite city in the world, and she always dreamt of going here one day.'' Y/N said. ''Everytime I walk by a flower shop and see a bouquet of lillies, I think of her and I see it as a sign that she's thinking of me, since her name was Lily.'' she said with a soft voice, tears streaming steadily down her face. ''I just wish she could see how far I've come in this life, moving to New York with my dad, becoming a successful lawyer, finding the love of my life, my god she would have loved him.'' she said, thinking of Bucky. The guy who ended up hurting her despite promising he wouldn't. But he was still the love of her life, and she couldn't deny that.
A few sessions later, she started talking about her second traumatic experience, the abusive relationship she entered when she met Paul.
At first, Paul seemed like a decent guy, nothing like the monster he ended up being. He was a true gentleman, both outside and inside the bedroom. My needs always came first, until they didn't. After 6 months, a switch flipped inside his head, and suddenly I was the bad guy in our relationship, and he ended up abusing me physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally.
I wasn't aloud to see anyone he didn't approve of beforehand, and if they were man he wouldn't approve at all. He made me break contact with my dad, with Tony, my best friend, and all other men in my life, no matter if they were colleagues, or anything like that. Whenever I went out of the house, he was there with me, controlling every single thing I do, or say. I felt like it wasn't worth it to live anymore, but at the time I thought I loved this man, so I would do anything to make him happy.
After 2 years in the relationship, I finally couldn't take it anymore, and decided to call Tony, my best friend, on a burner phone I got. It was the only way I could reach him, but I almost didn't make it out alive. Paul abused me so bad physically and sexually, that I couldn't move, had multiple broken bones and couldn't think straight anymore. Tony got me out of that house, and took me into his.
''For years after that, I barely let anyone get close to me. This is what made my anxiety even worse than after losing my mom, there were times I had such heavy anxiety attacks I couldn't breathe, and had to be hospitalized. This also caused me social anxiety to go through the roof, everywhere I went, I thought I saw Paul even though he is locked up for good.'' Y/N explained. She was very comfortable with her therapist now, and felt comfortable sharing these problems with him. ''But the latest reason I came to therapy, is the attack I endured a few months ago, when my ex-boyfriend attacked me.''
Bucky went on a mission to a HYDRA-base, even though Tony strongly suggested he should stay behind. No one knew better how they worked than him, was his reasoning. But he should have listened to Tony, because he got captured by them once again, but they were unable to turn him back into the Winter Soldier after he has been to Wakanda.
This brought up a lot of triggers for him, and when he came back, he wasn't the same person he was when he left Italy a few weeks earlier. He locked himself in his room, and I could hear him have these terrible night terrors that he has been struggling with, even more than before.
One night I was at his door again, wanting to help him, but I pushed him too far, and he attacked me by grabbing me by my throat with his vibranium hand, and he almost squeezed the life out of me. I was very fortunate that Tony and Steve heard what happened, because they saved me, otherwise I would not be sitting here right now.
''And the worst thing is, Bucky is still the love of my life, my soulmate, my other half. Even though he hurt me beyond belief, I still love him so much, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to hate him, I want to yell at him and be mad at him, but I can't because I love him. And that scares me the most, if I'm being honest.'' she finished.
~ 6 months later ~
Y/N has been going to therapy consistently for the last 6 months, and her therapist mentioned her huge improvements. If she wants, she could maybe try and see some of the Avengers again, once she is friends with, in order to work on her social anxiety. She starts of easy with meeting Steve and Lucas, who were stronger than ever as a couple, and they happily took Y/N under their wing to help her with this process. She was sitting in the kitchen with them eating some of her dads cupcakes and talking, when Bucky walked in and Y/N completely stiffened, her social anxiety getting the best of her. She immediately left the kitchen, but she couldn't prevent an anxiety attack, and collapsed in the middle of the hallway with long, hard sobs and a splitting headache. This was all still too much, and seeing him again triggered her attack again, one she hadn't had for close to 6 months now. All progress, down the drain.
After this attack, Bucky has decided to write Y/N a letter, telling her how he feels about this all, and what happened. He asked Steve to give it to her, and leave it up to her if she wanted to read it or not. He also included the necklace in the envelope as well, he had kept it safe all those months, but he had to give it back at some point. Once he had written everything he could before breaking down completely, he put it in a soft pink envelope with her name on the front, and he put the necklace in there in some tissue paper, to protect it. He asked Steve to give it to her, and he did.
''Y/N, I have something for you, but you don't have to open or read it if you don't want to.'' Steve said with the envelope in his hand. ''Buck asked me to give this to you, but there is no obligation for you to open it if you don't want to.'' and you took the envelope from his hand. She saw his handwriting and the corners of her lips slightly lifted, marking the beginning of the first smile in months. ''Will you stay with me? I would love to read it, actually.'' ''Anything for you.'' Steve said, and he sat down next her on her bed. She opened the envelope and saw something in white tissue paper, which she unwrapped first. ''My necklace, I thought it got broken that night!'' she exclaimed, clenching it in her hand when tears pricked behind her eyelashes. She safely stored it away in her jewellery box for now, until the day she would be ready to wear it again. She folded the letter open and read:
''Doll,
First I want to start off by saying how unbelievably sorry I am for what I have done to you, it was never my intention to hurt you, I love you so much and it kills me to know that I hurt you. I have night terrors because of it, and I can't blame anyone else but myself.
It kills me to see you flinch, or have an anxiety attack every time we see each other, and I wish I could take all the pain you went through away from you. I never want to see you hurt like that, because you don't deserve that. You deserve the world, the moon, the stars, you deserve someone who won't hurt you. Someone who will love you unconditionally, and who you can build a family with.
I still think about the conversations we had about our dream lives, how you would love to get married one day on a tropical island, have three kids and a big beautiful house with some pets to finish it all off. And I wish you all of that, and more, but I mostly wish I could be the one to give you just that. I fucked up my chance at this life with you and I cannot express how sorry I am, but I will try and make it up to you every single day if you let me.
I want you to be mine, and I promise to be yours, forever.
~ J.B.B.
Y/N has read the letter countless times since then, and some of the ink has been splotched from where the tears have fallen onto it, making some parts unreadable now. But she has read it so many times, she knows it by heart, and deep down she knows she has forgiven him for what he did, but she wasn't ready to let anyone know that yet. She was still not far enough in her healing process to fully accept that. Her social anxiety is still as prominent as ever, and even though she doesn't run away from him when he walks into the same room anymore, she also doesn't actively seek out any contact with him. She knows she isn't ready for that yet.
However, today she is finally ready to wear her necklace again, as a sign towards Bucky and everyone else that she is slowly starting to be okay with it. That the therapy is helping her. She has a meeting with everyone again, and she even put on a little bit of a lower cut shirt, so she could show off her necklace again after wearing high neck shirts for the last months. ''Are you ready to go back in, honey? You know they all love you unconditionally right? Even when you aren't ready to face every one yet?'' Tony asked, as they were the last ones to walk into the conference room. ''I'm ready.'' she said with a new found confidence, and when she walked in with her head held high, she could feel the love in the air with all the Avengers. When she walked past Bucky she put her hand on his shoulder for a second before moving on, giving him a sign that she is doing better.
When she reached her place in the front of the meeting room, Steve whispered ''Looking good, Y/N. I'm glad to see you're wearing your necklace again.'' and she's glad Steve said that, giving her even more of a confidence boost. ''Allright everyone, before this meeting starts, I would like to say that - with a lot of thanks to my therapist - I will be returning to work in the office for 3 days a week, so you will be sure to see me around more often now. I missed you all so much, and I am happy to see all your faces again. And Nick, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this, it means a lot.'' she said with a smile towards Fury. When she looked up she saw Bucky looking at her necklace, and a small smile appeared on his face. 'Maybe there was a light at the end of this tunnel after all' he thinks to himself.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky fanfic#bucky x female reader#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes
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22 april 2024 - have a feeling this will be venty
I have that feeling cause I just started dissociating as I opened this. Maybe I already did before. Am I forgetting why I wanted to make this post? It's getting harder to breathe? Why? What a strange feeling. Overwhelming. Fear in my arms again. Let me move my body around and come back to this. Maybe get a sour candy. Smell a scent stick.
It helped a bit. I have a little spiky ball and I grabbed a plushie to hug. The sour candy was nice. My head started hurting though. I'm still feeling triggered. I don't really know why.
I've not been able to write much on here cause I keep dissociating too much or feel too triggered. I don't remember what the last thing I wrote was..
It makes sense though. Even though I've been very lucky with lot's of rain and cloudy weather!! The plants still grow though, perhaps even more with all the water. Sometimes the rain makes them emit more scent. Like the earth itself will smell. I still don't know what the sources are for the scents that trigger me. It's likely a cocktail of many different things.
I find it hard to actually stand still and face the triggers instead of rushing and trying to get away faster. I've tried standing still and it just keeps building up and up and it makes me want to give up before it starts decreasing, though I did it today too and I focused really hard on grounding and it felt like I had at least taken the edge of. But yeah I am surely avoiding it, I guess I don't feel strong enough to bear the pain perhaps. Or well, it's normal to want to go away from pain. At least I still take my dog for walks and walk through the areas where the scents are bad.
I also said to my therapist last week I felt the trauma I wanted to process that session wasn't bad enough to warrant processing. She replied saying that if that were the case we could start the processing and if we discovered it was no big deal for me then I would be feeling fine and we could just do something else. Obviously it was a big deal for me. I did partly process some triggers during the EMDR as well.
It also makes sense because a big triggering holiday is coming up this week. I've been sensing it's approach for some weeks now. I will do exposure during it. Actually.. it might be good to process that in my next therapy session too. Let me look something up in my trauma diary.. (not the best idea, I admit)
I ended up reading the whole diary. It makes me see how far I have come in my healing. Comparing my current situation to back then. That is hopeful.
Someday, a future me will be reading these journal entries. And they will think what I think now: "wow, I've improved so much compared to the past"
Hope.
This is but a moment in time. A painful journey to travel.
On a brighter side. I purchased VIP tickets to go see a concert and get my album signed and meet the artists. This year is a good concert year for sure. Going to concerts by myself opens up a lot of fun experiences.
I have also been working on my sleeping schedule as much as I've been able to hold myself accountable. Which is why right now I need to turn off my pc and get into bed. I've purchased a white noise machine and I've been using multiple different sound options to fall asleep. It really does make me feel safer in bed. It's a noticeable difference.
I can do this. Being triggered might make it feel like the world is standing still but this is just another day among many. The sun will set and rise again.
Dissociation doesn't last forever. It comes and goes. I will feel fully grounded again. I wont feel this way forever. I wont get 'stuck in this setting'.
Even if my dreams wont be good I will wake up and get to experience a new day and my dreams can be forgotten again.
I can recharge in bed with my plushie. It's okay to feel scared. But there is no danger in bed. The music box will be there for a comforting melody. It will be okay.
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I'm gonna need ur reaction and thoughts about the RaM finale once you've watched it
I only watched it yesterday so im not gonna have any hot and spicy new takes for yall but ya girl DID have some thoughts lets go (obviously spoiler warning)
thank you SO SO much for asking!! I’m honored that you want my takes<33
Listen I hate to say it but I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!! GOD!!! 😭😭😭
I just need to come out here and say this but first of all I dont think Rick replacing himself was really a bad thing,,,, like at all LMAO especially knowing that it was Rick who made him I mean it was more than just a replacement he was made to be the grandpa he wants for morty but he just knows he can’t be right now.
I can fully understand how it would absolutely feel like a betrayal to Morty but looking at it as a viewer I mean Rick was fully spiraling, to me his intentions were completely pure. Also I thik im just grateful they gave us a time stamp for when the swap was made so we didnt have to wonder forever how much of Rick this season was Rick. He still did piss master, he still kept Jerry blissfully ignorant just out of good will, he STILL WILLINGLY WENT TO THERAPY. All these wouldve been out the window if theyd overlooked that detail.
Him recognizing that he was starting to go off the deep end again and not only removing himself but having his familys best interest in mind ( “Im no good to anyone until I resolve this” ) while doing so AND literally while mad at Morty is still INSANE character growth from where we started but this way is REALISTIC character growth. It was WEIRD how black and white the difference between literally yhe last two episodes and even just the rest of the season (which has famously been Rick in his peak good grandpa career) was. At some points it felt like I was reading fanfiction.
(Why do his knees look like that oh my god) Rick is fully capable of recognizing where he can be better, he always has been, he is not stupid *however* he is CLUTCHING onto the idea of being more logical than sentimental by the fucking neck rn. Men will literally build an anatomically flawless ai to be the perfectly calculated percentage nicer to their grandson and to be the man they wish they were before just going back to therapy.
Someone else mentioned this but ill also point out how much I appreciated just seeing Rick working? Like just in his space completely focused building shit with his brain and hands that hit the fucking spot. 9/10 times we only get the finished product and idk if its just me but I love when we SEE Rick living up to the Rick Sanchez tm reputation.
And Morty... my sweet summer child. It is not at all a shiny new take to say oh he’s so done with ricks shit we all know that but I really really want to point out something that I’m not really sure what point I’m trying to make with but have we noticed almost a switch morty flips when on adventures? He cried because Christmas was ruined like not even a full 6 hours before he was fully ready to kill a man while looking him in the eyes. Maybe the two were cause and effect idk bht I think that’s definitely something present in other episodes too this sorta “just get it done” attitude.
Also how much he sounded like rick this ep? That whole “don’t be too flattered he’s been actively trying to die” sounded EXACTLY like a Rick line I literally had to play it again. And the complete apathy for robo rick wanting to die until he ACTUALLY lunged himself into the void was also just textbook rick bullshit. Like grandfather like goddamn grandson.
The ending to me was a little disappointing tbh I think I was hoping for a more,,, structured? Cliffhanger? Like we dk what’s gonna happen in this storyline instead of the introduction to a new storyline yk? MAYBEEE I’m just salty we have to wait another year for more you can’t prove anything.
Rick being borderline manic ab RP at the end was my favorite it’s nice to see him just rant ab anything really and like not make some bullshit elaborate Halloween house to take his anger out but just legit vent ab what this guys been doing to him for the past fucking 40 years. I didn’t even notice the ep was over when the credits rolled in my mind we were only like 10 minutes in and I lost my MIND when mr poopy butthole pulled up again good to see he’s thriving (kinda)
On a final note when he called him Rick prime please let me know if I’m off but is that not an internet term for him? Like the fandom came up with it? Rick and morty writers are tumblerinas confirmed question mark?
And lastly: Neurotypical. Cooties.
#I don’t want to edit this post anymore than I have accept this or nothing#god I have so much to say ab robo rick too but this was getting too long#thank you for the ask!! <33#rick and morty#rick sanchez#morty smith#summer smith#jerry smith#rnm#talk to me guys!! what do we think!!
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You probably already answered something similar like this already, but what effect would it have on marty if Doc didn't return from 1885 so that they'd stay seperated forever? Would marty ever get over that? Like even if it takes decades?
Also now that i think about it: How would that be for Doc? Would he get over that quicker? Would he feel guilty for leaving his best friend alone?
You know, I've actually had some vague notes in my phone for about 2 years for a potential fic centering on this. It's just a few scattered scenes right now, but it's super sad.
I do wonder what it would take to cause Doc to not build the time train. I know that in his journal entries in the DeLorean manual, Doc mentions a few of his reasons for undertaking the task. His main motivation is to check on Marty, since he starts having a lot of nightmares and anxiety regarding whether or not Marty made it safely back to 1985. His other reason is that Clara starts to talk about her dreams of traveling through time. So, I suppose in order for him to make the decision to just stay put and live his life in the 1800s, Clara would have to show no real interest in traveling, and Doc would have to be confident that Marty was alive and well back home. He'd have to have the mentality of, "I did enough meddling in the continuum already, and it nearly ended in disaster several times. Best to leave things as is."
Marty would absolutely struggle if Doc never returned. To have his best friend ripped so unexpectedly from his life (AGAIN!) would be a very difficult thing to move on from. Not knowing if Doc and Clara were alright or having that closure of that visit would really impact him. I think he would eventually adjust as best he could--out of necessity--but he'd always feel that emptiness in the spot in his life Doc used to fill. OH! I just remembered that we actually do kind of get a glimpse into how Marty would react to not seeing Doc again. The comic book series does a whole story on it where, after his visit in the time train, Doc just sort of vanishes from Marty's life. I can't remember the exact time frame, but I think it takes place 6 or so months after part III? Anyway, our boy is not doing well. He misses Doc terribly and doesn't understand why he's been abandoned and is so noticeably depressed that his parents are talking in hushed tones with each other about what to do and if they should get him into therapy. So, yeah, Marty would take a long time to come to terms with Doc just being gone forever.
As far as Doc goes, I think it would be hard for him as well. Like I mentioned, I think the only thing that could really keep him from visiting Marty would be the belief that additional traveling would do far more harm than good. But the decision wouldn't be made easily, and he'd carry the guilt of leaving Marty for a good long time.
And I know that the end of part III leaves it uncertain as to what happens after Doc and the fam fly off (Do they just travel around a lot before settling back in the Old West--with maybe occasional visits to check in on Marty throughout the years?) but I very much headcanon things turning out the way they do in the animated series, where Doc, Clara, and the boys move to a farm in modern-day Hill Valley and Marty is at their house basically all the time. That's a much happier thought than a sad Marty and Doc who are permanently separated. Those besties need to stick together.
Thanks for the ask!
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dra yuki for the character bingo?
Let me start by saying...Poor Maeda.
(apologies for the rambling as I'm tired and running off of pain killers ;^^ at almost 6 in morning so this is gonna be a mess.)
His whole existence begins and ends in the killing game which only lasts for a little over a month with fabricated memories and personality that is completely based on and taken from the real Yuki Maeda while the Yuki Maeda we knew throughout DRA is nothing more than a mere fake in a body that even His but rather Utsuro's, the true Mastermind that created This Maeda as a form of a cover until He was no longer needed. (At least from what I understand of the twist.)
Maeda is a weird character as Linuj says he made Him plain even more so compared to characters like Makoto and Hinata in the main series yet in the game itself while He definitely is the everyman of the group but what He has going on and how he handles these situations even most of these are very brief and don't really get brought up much afterwards yet gave my mind something to think on when playing through the game.
He can be very unbelievably dense to a fault when it comes to romance (at least when it comes to Taira -_- ) yet He does have a smartish brain, and can call people out on their shit like when the group believes Monokuma over him during Chapter 3 and isn't always hopeful as He can fall into despair and like others can/could take another's life if pushed far enough...in his case: madness due to his hunger which luckily Kinjo stopped him at the cost of Maeda's teeth.
One thing that stands out to me about him is his strange reactions right after He's been kicked out of the group in chapter 3, instead of being angry for not believing him...He just thinks up excuses like "they're just confused" or "It's a misunderstanding" in his mind and when He talks to Uehara as He has no way to prove he isn't a traitor/mastermind outside his word and even does this again later when He tries to talk to Kisaragi as He doesn't understand why the newcomer is growling at him, add in the fact He seems to like everyone even despite how Higa and Tomori treat him in their FTEs (One almost always acting like an unlikable dickhead while the other almost sexual assaults him) yet He still cares about them and still views them as his friends...like He can't hate them no matter what.
(Little note here: I had this Headcanon that Maeda has separation anxiety with his friends, So when He panics over losing his safety net, he comes up with reasons and reinsure himself that it won't last forever to calm himself down...that's more me fill in the blanks for why He behaves like that.)
I do like Maeda a lot more than I thought after chapter 2 and onwards, I like the angst involving him whether it be his existest or his relationship to other characters (Mainly Taira, Kurokawa, Kisaragi and Kisaragi trio) even though I wanted to be happy with his classmates or at least with Kinjo.
Like to believe that Maeda did survive the building falling on him during IF then at some point the others find him again and goes to therapy as He deals with a newly formed identity crisis because of everything that happened and tries to form his own identity separated from Utsuro and Yuki Maeda...maybe Kinjo helping him along the way like Kisaragi and Kurokawa helped Him to change his mindset? idk...let them hug...
He deserves better and be apart from Utsuro...still want to bonk him on the head really hard with a toy hammer for being so dumb during Taira's last FTE and attacking Kurokawa during chapter 4 even I know he wasn't in the right mind...but still...🍀🔨
#yuki maeda#fake yuki maeda#dra yuki maeda#op answers#character bingo#dra spoilers#massive spoilers#danganronpa another#another despair academy#just rambling#ramblings#my grammar sucks#i'm so tired but thank you for the question#*slams head against desk*#*Then passes out*#OH! Also His design is actually really cute to me! I love how Linuj use of warm colours#As it gives Maeda warm and approachable presents#okay that's it for now
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Hmmm I agree that Roy and Keeley’s getting back together arc has been pushed back way too far for my taste (and I don’t love how drawn out both of their individual arcs were), but I think there’s still time for them to get back together in a fulfilling way. We have three episodes left- that’s plenty of time for them to have that long awaited heart-to-heart where Roy finally explains why he broke up with her, then time for them to rekindle their friendship, and eventually tentatively start things up again. There probably isn’t time left for them to work their way back to exactly where they were before, but I could totally see them agreeing to try again in the finale. And since it’s probably the last season, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a flash forward a few years later and they’re engaged or smth.
I’ll be honest, I haven’t cared much for Keeley’s arc this season either. I don’t care about the KJPR storyline – it’s boring since its all new characters, and Keeley doesn’t seem like she knows or cares about what she’s doing. It feels like they’re aiming for an arc where Keeley realizes that progress isn’t always about moving forward. It’s obvious that she does not fit into the corporate world, nor does she want to, and that she’d be much happier coming back to Richmond. And I bet that’s how Roy will tie into it: just bc you can move on, doesn’t mean it’ll make you happier. And I do really feel that the best ending for Roy’s arc about learning to let himself be happy is by actually letting himself be happy with Keeley again. Anyway I have faith that the writers love Roy and Keeley as much as the fans do, and that whatever way they decide to end will be the perfect ending.
Ohh I really love your take on Keeley's arc and what they're trying to show with it and I really hope you're right. Even if it's not solely coming back to Richmond, but coming back while continuing to take on a couple additional clients freelance, or branching off with Barb to start something smaller, just generally taking it slow instead of leaping in to being CEO of a whole PR firm like she's done this season. Building her confidence surrounded by people who love and support her and whom she actually has time to see because she's no longer making work her entire life.
Roy's arc I think has been building up to him allowing happiness into his life in more ways than just Keeley. I think it will be a number of things for him: finally having a reckoning with her over the breakup, but also gathering up with the Diamond Dogs as an actual member, admitting he cares about Jamie Tartt, taking on a larger role as coach (perhaps by doing more of the pressers, we saw how good he was at it tonight, especially if Ted goes back to Kansas)... going to therapy (**hoping, kicking, screeching, praying**)....
You may yet be right about Roy/Keeley! Before the season began, I had zero doubts in my mind they were endgame. Also, I forget sometimes that between a lot of these episodes, we're meant to believe like...actual months have gone by, so it's more spread out than I'm thinking it is. However, it's also that the show has a lot they need to wrap up in three episodes if this is the end of the end, & Roy and Keeley are only one part of it.
I think, ultimately, I care way more about their individual arcs ending well in a way that is both satisfying and sensical than I do about them getting back together in the canon timeline. I absolutely do need them to end on good terms though, preferably at least as close friends.
What I want more than anything and still believe is in the realm of possibility is for them + Jamie to sit down and admit they are all caught up in each other irreversibly at this point and won't be shaken away easily. That they care deeply about one another and will most likely care forever (terms & conditions undefined).
#i really hope they don't do a sunshine and roses flash forward though because I HATE those lol#i want room to breathe in my future fanfics not a flash forward I probably won't agree with to add to my list of fix its tbh#(note also I'm biased because I'm not a roy keeley truther here I'm a roy keeley jamie truther)#like my actual response is what I want to happen on and feel is genuinely realistic for the show#but in the tags I'll just say that when it comes to shippery business. I'm a royjamiekeeley all the way.#and even that said I don't think any of them should be together NOW. that's a theoretical s4 arc for me.#(but yeah naturally i don't care about a roykeeley engagement)#ted lasso#roy kent#keeley jones#roykeeley#ted lasso spoilers#asks#long post
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oh man I don't have holiday plans this year and I know why (it's because I basically haven't hung out with any of my friends for the past 8 months) but it still Sucks especially because I know the past couple months I have just been all over the place mentally and emotionally so I wouldn't but up for it anyways but mrehmreghrhehgugh
it is the first time since *checks watch* 2019 where I genuinely didn't have anyone to spend time with to distract me from the Everything so I dunno I'm really feeling it this year I guess. Doing this without a therapist is really hard. I can tell I'm rapid cycling but it's hard to climb out of it :/ plus the group meeting social thing I go to felt unsatisfying for a number of reasons like I was hoping it wouldn't be. I just feel. Bad.
So like, all of these are the problems, which means once I understand them I can start planning out a way to reframe it and even potentially think of solutions . . . . so okay there's a lot of reasons why this is different from last time. I do have plans just not the day of. It's not that people don't want to hang out with me, most of them are just on the east coast. The last time I had a really good experience but also it was a lot of physical and mental strain and I might react to it more poorly this year. The past couple weeks I've been ruminating, participating in a lot of negative self talk, sleeping poorly, and my routines are still all thrown off. I haven't been talking the breaks I need. This is even a good opportunity to sort out my priorities on how I want to spend my time and strike a balance between online hobbies (which tend to trigger mania) and physical in person meetups (which tend to give me more psychological stability).
It's not even online vs in person, because these negative emotions are affecting me even when I'm talking to friends online. Plus I can use this as a good opportunity to catch up on things, like editing photos from flower piano and other trips and that link collection I promised. This gives me time to work on gifts and black friday too- I want to get the most bang for buck on things I typically can't afford, and having some time available to do that is nice. And for the rest of the time pre-holidays, I can finish updating my bullet journal like I haven't done in forever and go over all the good things/important things that have happened to build a more accurate perception of my progress with my mental health over the past year. Frankly I feel like most of my progress stalled in feburary and it's been awhile of just putting my coping skills to the test. But I do know that even if it feels that way, I have really made progress in some areas, and I should continue to do the habits that I found to be the most helpful in maintaining the best conditions for me to communicate successfully with others and make people feel comfortable. I can send cards again and stuff too as a treat because I find that relaxing.
Other than that this is making me think I should make plans in my budget to get a light therapy lamp because this aligns too perfectly with daylight savings (some symptoms, the particularly concerning ones like anxiety and panic attacks as well as overwhelming dread over social interactions). I don't need to get a new bullet journal, but I should probably consider getting copic refills at some point since I'll be picking it up again and that's a big part of my journaling . . . process? technique? it's what I do when I have some extra energy to devote to it.
List of things to do:
light therapy lamp
catch up on bullet journaling
edit photos
shop for presents, make presents, and send cards
calendar the different events I want to go to (maybe big day holidays in person, smaller less celebrated holidays online, etc)
sleep before 2 a.m.
wake up before 10 a.m.
take my multivitamin (and frankly the rest of my "extra" medications like benedryl) consistently
stay hydrated and fed
make plans for copic budgeting
I also need to be reasonable with myself with what I can actually afford and what I actually need. I've felt an increasing pressure financially because of a bunch of *waves hand* debt stuff but ultimately I can't live my life waiting for that to resolve. So I can sort of make the assumption that I will have money going forward and should start using my savings account properly now that I'm planning on doing that.
#personal#mental illness#another long post about mental health#it's been awhile it's good I'm doing these again especially since I'm still in search of a therapist
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