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traumxrei-archive · 10 months

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【 chapter 7 - first meetings, proposals, and the end of winter 】

summary tags: the last chapter T^T, a family reunion, cheka forcing leona's hand (real), goodbye cheka, and then the angst, me when i finally explain why yuu has the doubts they have :'))), i promise there is comfort at the end of the rainbow

word count: 4.6k (considering there's no omake, this is hefty)

author's note: the long awaited ending to this series is finally here ^^ it's a little surreal how long it has been since i last updated, but without further ado, enjoy the chapter <33

[ baby it's cold outside series | read it on ao3 ]

There were many problems that you could avoid by ignoring them. And there were many that wouldn’t go away, and instead, incessantly keep staring right at you from across the room.

Yuu’s current problem was Leona.

They were attempting to very subtly avoid him, but it was hard when he was one of the only three people in the room. And after the events of yesterday… Yuu would say in very generous language that conversing with him had become just a bit difficult. Leona had, in a roundabout way, asked them if they liked him. They couldn’t quite wrap their head around what he would gain from knowing anyway. The satisfaction, maybe?

Yuu blinked. Focus. They zeroed in on the half-packed suitcase, and then at Cheka, who seemed intent on lying down on the pile of clothes that had yet to be packed.

"Yuu-tan," The little lion was crawling into their lap now, messing up the clothes they were folding. "Can I not go?"

"It's okay," They consoled, hand drifting to the cub's hair. "It’s not a bad thing, I thought you missed your family."

"I do, but–!" Cheka grabbed at the shirt in their hands. "Yuu-tan and Ojitan are family too! Can't you come with me?"

Cheka's eagerness might have rubbed off on them just a little. They were sure they would miss him and his infectious laughter. It was easier than going through the exhausting drag of school. But Cheka needed to go back, and they didn't know what to say except, "I..."

"We have school, you little brat," Leona plucked him up by the scruff. "You could just video call if you miss me."

"You say that like you'll actually be going to class," Yuu couldn't help the teasing words that slipped out of their mouth, all too used to the banter. They froze for a moment, waiting for Leona to ignore them.

Instead, Leona paused, placing Cheka a good distance away from the suitcase, "What classes do you take?"

"Why do you ask?” They folded another shirt. “You aren’t planning on copying from me are you?”

"Hmm," A faint smirk grew on his face. "Now that you mention it, that would be a good idea. Though I’m sure it’ll end up being the other way around." And Yuu resisted the urge to roll their eyes.

Whatever classes that they took, Leona must’ve already taken in his first year. And with Leona’s freakishly excellent memory, they were sure he would have more than a field day lecturing them through their mistakes.

"Yuu-tan, Yuu-tan," Cheka whispered. They leaned closer to listen as he continued, "Are Yuu-tan and Ojitan done fighting?"

Well, shit.

"What makes you say that?" Yuu said quietly. They wondered which part made it obvious to even a 5 year-old that they had a disagreement.

"It's just..." He hesitated before cupping a hand over his mouth. "Ojitan was staring at you and not talking this whole time."

They blinked, "He was?"

Yuu knew that he was staring. It was all but obvious that Leona wanted them to know that he was, for whatever reason. But for Cheka to notice, was—

"Was not," Leona said. Very loudly, Yuu might add, clearly announcing he heard everything. "And some people should understand that eavesdropping is not a flattering hobby, especially for an adult."

"Eavesdropping...?" Cheka asked. Leona said nothing more, his ears flicking as he stared at the door.

The question of who was eavesdropping was answered as the door swung open, revealing a guilty-looking beastperson hunched next to the door. And right behind him were what looked like two guards.

As the beastperson stood, they came to a startling realization. So this was Falena, King of Afterglow Savanna and brother to Leona. And Cheka's beloved father. It had to be, with hair a darker shade of sunrise that mirrored Cheka's own.

He scratched at his hair in a sheepish manner, "It seems your hearing is as sharp as it was when you were a cu— oof—!"

His words were interrupted by Cheka all but barreling right into his midsection. Ouch. That must’ve hurt. They watched with slight horror as the King doubled over, before crouching down to hug his child.

Cheka seemed oblivious to his father’s pain as he squealed, "Papa! You came to get me?"

"How could I turn down the opportunity to see my precious m'toto sooner?" He asked, kissing the little cub all over his face. And their heart ached as they watched Falena dote on his child. He turned belatedly, with another greeting, "It is nice to see you, brother."

Leona seemed to regard the display of affection with contempt, a frown marring his face, "It's nice to see that you came even after I told you not to."

"Ahem!" Falena straightened his posture. "I came because I wanted to see you." Leona didn’t answer him, turning his attention toward the window. They briefly wondered what Leona felt whenever he saw Falena and Cheka together.

"Aww, I wish that Mama came too," Cheka said, cheeks puffed out.

Yuu was glad that the Queen wasn't there. One Savanna royal was enough on most days, but being in a room with four of them at the same time? They were already struggling not to react to the wary gazes of the guards standing behind the King. It was their job to be vigilant against strangers, and they were quite the definition of a stranger; standing awkwardly in the middle of the room without any purpose. Leona moved closer, almost shielding them.

It wasn't long until Falena's gaze fell on them, a surprised look washing over his face, "My apologies for being so rude. Won't you introduce me to your friend, brother?" There was a pause, where Falena was looking at Leona with a hopeful glimmer while Leona looked like he would rather be elsewhere.

The silence was broken as Leona released a drawn-out sigh, "That's—"

"—Yuu-tan!" Cheka cheered, jumping from Falena's arms in favor of clinging onto their legs. "Yuu-tan's been taking care of us both. And they live in this cool haunted house! And they have a talking cat!"

Great. How positively lovely. It was the first impression of them the King of Afterglow Savanna had and it was the fact that they lived in a haunted house with a talking cat.

"They go to NRC as well," Leona said, folding his arms. "And they can't use magic. They're not a threat." The last part felt particularly targeted toward the guards, who finally loosened their grip on their weapons.

"And, and!" Cheka added taking their hand and Leona's. "Yuu-tan and Ojitan are best friends! Isn't that so cool?" Oh Great Seven. Yuu could do nothing but offer a smile toward the monarch, trying very hard not to catch Leona's prickling gaze.

Cheka then turned to Leona, "I did a good job keeping Yuu-tan a secret, right?"

Yuu couldn't focus enough to listen to Leona's answer, especially not when Falena was regarding them with sparkling eyes.

"Ah, so you must be the mystery person from yesterday!" Falena immediately took their hand in his— though they couldn't follow what he meant. "It is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Falena, I'm Leona's older brother."

Yuu shook his hand, "It's nice to meet you, your Majesty." Their tone felt awkward, jilted even, because well, they were talking to a King. With the way the guards were still looking at them, they couldn't be too careful.

"Ah, you can speak with me comfortably, if you'd like," Falena tilted his head slightly. "It really is peculiar! I've met magicless people before but they usually still carry traces of magic. Instead, you smell exactly like Cheka and Leona."

"Oh," They glanced down at Cheka, who was looking at them so innocently. "I've been with them for the past week, so I guess I do."

"And plus," Cheka added. "Yuu-tan is like family!"

"Family, huh?" Falena hummed before ruffling Cheka's hair. "Do you really like them that much?" Cheka nodded a couple of times and Falena let out a laugh.

"Alright, I like you more already," Falena grinned. And like this, they could see why they were brothers. It was that same glimmer in the Falena's eyes that they would see whenever Leona was playing Spelldrive.

"Oi," Their head whipped around, finding that Leona was back on the couch. "Isn't it about time for you to leave?" The irritation in his voice was blindingly obvious, but Falena seemed to take no heed.

"We'll leave in a second— Guards, please take Cheka's belongings for now— You know it's not every day I get to meet your friends, Leona," Falena turned back toward them. "I wanted to say thank you for taking care of my Cheka and for being here with Leona. And I would like to offer you something in return."

Falena's last sentence seemed to echo in their ears.

I would like to offer you something in return.

Yuu's smile stiffened, "I'm sorry?"

A reward. They weren’t even sure if they should accept a reward for what they did, not when they already had a prior arrangement with Leona. And even if they did, what would they ask from a king?

"A present!" Cheka giggled. "Yuu-tan, why don't you come with us to the Savanna?"

Yuu crouched down, "But I've got school to attend, remember?"

"Noooo," Cheka whined, glancing between them to Leona. "Then can I come to NRC too, Papa? I wanna go to school with Yuu-tan and Ojitan."

"By that time we would've graduated," Leona very helpfully pointed out and Yuu almost wanted to smack him. "Aren't the video calls enough?"

"Then..." Cheka looked frustrated, and Yuu wasn't sure if they should be cheering him up or being relieved that the cub had run out of ideas. "Then!"

"Then?" Falena asked encouragingly.

Cheka’s eyes finally lit up, a big grin spreading on his face, "Then when I grow up, I'll marry Yuu-tan!"

There was a gasp and Yuu turned to see one of the guards with their mouth wide open. The guard immediately turned their expression stoic when they realized they were caught. But they shared the guard's sentiment. How else would someone react to being proposed to by the Crown Prince of Afterglow Savanna?

"Er, Cheka...?" Falena looked just as shocked. "You're already... Marriage?" It seemed that Falena's brain was still trying to process that Cheka was talking about marriage. He had to be, considering that Cheka was his one and only son and the fact that he probably knew little to nothing about what marriages meant.

"Why not? Marriage is when people love each other right?" Cheka looked at them so hopefully, as if they would say ‘yes’ to marrying him. "And then we can all live together at the palace.”

Yuu plucked up courage to speak, "I can’t marry you. I'm too old for you, little lion." That and plenty of other things that Yuu wanted to say but couldn’t, because how was Cheka supposed to understand the different types of love? Cheka frowned a little at the rejection before he turned to his father.

"Then Papa!" Falena snapped to attention. "Can't you find someone else to marry Yuu-tan?"

Aaand now Cheka was asking Falena to set up an arranged marriage for them. What the fuck were they supposed to do now?

"Wait, Cheka—”

But Cheka was on a mission, grabbing at Yuu's arm with enthusiasm, "We have lotsa nice and pretty beastpeople relatives at the Savanna, so Yuu-tan can choose who to marry! That way you can live with us at the pala— Woah!"

"Not a chance, brat," Leona's scowl was on full display as he plucked Cheka into the air. "Why would they marry any other beastperson?"

There was a short pause as if everyone was trying to process what exactly Leona meant. Then it collectively dawned on the room. And Yuu couldn't breathe.

"So Ojitan will marry Yuu-tan?" Cheka asked, his eyes sparkling and a mega-watt smile practically beaming from his face.

Leona didn't say anything. Instead he stared over at them as he shoved the cub into Falena's arms. Yuu's head was still spinning. If they were nervous at the prospect of offending Falena before, the feeling had only gotten worse now.

"N-Now, now Cheka," Falena tried as he finally gathered his bearings. "It's up to Yuu-san who they want to marry. And a reward is supposed to be something they want."

"But Ojitan's right!" Cheka argued, staring at them over Falena's shoulder. "Ojitan is the prettiest and the nicest beastman for Yuu-tan to marry!"

"Be a good boy and hush now, Cheka," Falena said before turning toward them. "Don't mind what Cheka was saying. It was very nice to meet you, but malkia wangu expects me back before lunch, so I have to bid you goodbye. It was very nice meeting you," There was something in Falena's eyes— something that said they would definitely meet again. "Oh, and Leona, don't forget to call me next week."

"Yeah, yeah," Leona ran a hand through his hair, sparing them another obvious glance.

"Bye bye Ojitan! Yuu-tan!" Cheka yelled over Falena's shoulder as they left. "Make sure to get married in the Savanna, okay? Imma get you the bestest gift!"

They slumped on the floor as the door clicked shut. Yuu...didn't quite know what to do now. Their weeklong mission of taking care of Cheka was over. And winter break was going to be over soon enough as well. That meant returning to their normal routine of dragging Grim to class and praying that he doesn't fail. That also meant that their arrangement with Leona would come to an end.

But instead of future plans, Yuu was still stuck on that instead. 'That' being the fact that Leona chose not to step in until Cheka suggested an arranged marriage for them. That being the fact that Leona didn’t refute it when Cheka asked if he was offering himself to them.

"What are you doing on the floor?" They looked up to see Leona watching them. Again. He did that far too often nowadays, staring and getting caught and raising an eyebrow in challenge as if they had been the one staring. They really couldn’t understand his behavior.

"Listen, you..." They very carefully placed themself at the edge of the bed; far away from Leona. "You know I didn't get close to Cheka for some reward, right?"

"Guess you owe that reward to me, huh," He snorted as if it amused him to think of them in that light. "Use your favor well, herbivore. There’s a lot you can ask for."

"I'm trying to be serious," Yuu frowned, and they couldn't believe that they were avoiding him just hours ago. They paused before adding, "And I plan on refusing anything that has to do with me marrying anyone."

Leona's expression shifted into contemplation, "You wouldn't want to marry royalty?"

They entertained his question, chuckling, "I thought we established that I'm too old for Cheka. Your brother looked like he was about to keel over at the thought. And I wouldn't want to marry some stranger. Besides—"

"I meant me, stupid herbivore."

Yuu's first reaction was to hurl an insult back. It was automatic. Natural, even. They had been insulted, after all. That was the game that they had always played, trading verbal blow after blow with a fervor that lit their blood on fire.

It was the very song and dance that had curried Leona's favor toward them, enough so that he didn't completely despise them for being one of the reasons he overblotted, and enough that he would begrudgingly allow them to share a room with him, even if it was only a short three days.

And yet all those biting words fell short of being said, wedged in their throat like a bad case of hiccups because—

No, Yuu couldn't quite believe it. Their mind turned Leona's sentence around in their brain, trying in vain to find some other meaning. Some other meaning that wasn't Leona asking them to marry him, and the multitude of other questions that cropped up if they accepted that meaning.

"You're..." Their brow furrowed, grasping at the only possible logical explanation they had. "You're saying that in a hypothetical way, right?" The answer they wanted was his smirk, the teasing tone of his voice as he asked if they 'really wanted to marry him that bad'. That way they could’ve scowled, or even just laughed it off like it was a bad joke.

What they got instead was his unflinching green eyes taking in their every reaction, "What if I was serious?"

"I'm not a mage," Yuu's heart seemed to crow against their ribs as they struggled for any another excuse. "I don't have any magic or extraordinary talent. Nor do I have strong family backing. I– I can't offer you any power in return. I'm as commoner as a commoner could get, your royal highness."

Cynicism tangled with their tone as they spoke the title. It was easy to say, especially with a week of practice under their belt. They almost laughed at the irony of their master-servant act; at how closely it mirrored their status in the real world. The tension that loomed between them slowly turned sharp, waiting to cut.

"So you've decided that the only possible reason I would marry you is...for monetary gain," Leona's anger didn’t explode. It simmered, the careful deliberation of his words like a twist of a knife. "And in the same breath, you denounce your own abilities."

"Why else would you suggest such a thing?" Yuu asked. No, they accused. It was an accusation, they had to admit. The words sounded so cold, and so...so far away from them as soon as it left their lips.

Leona was on his feet in seconds. It took only two steps for him to be in front of them, and barely another second for him to kneel at the ground in front of them.

Their eyes widened, their instinct to grab at him, "Leona, what—"

"What did I do?" He demanded, his voice strained with anger, confusion, and what they thought was sadness. "What did I do that made you believe that I was incapable of liking you?"

What did Leona do? What did Leona ever say, other than those offhanded comments he made to everyone? Their heartbeat seemed to roar in their ears with every second that ticked by that they didn't have an answer.

"And what did you do?" They didn't realize they had been looking at the ground until Leona's head bowed to catch their gaze. "Why can't you accept it if I did like you? Why can't you just reject me?"

And it felt like the tension had finally shattered. The shrapnel of it cut at the softest parts of their heart. What would it matter if Leona did like them? He would surely leave them alone if they said no. Their nails bit into their palms, the pain a small sting compared to the way their heart ached. It was exactly because they couldn't say no. But what was so wrong with them saying yes?

Leona heaved out another sigh, "At least answer me this time."

This time. Yesterday, they had promised to answer him the next time he asked. And he was asking. Now. The proud Leona Kingscholar, on his knees for them. Waiting on their answer. And Yuu couldn’t help but feel their shoulders shake as they found their answer.

"Do I...deserve you?" Yuu could only afford a whisper as they put a voice to their most pathetic thoughts. "Someone like you shouldn't...you shouldn't settle for less." The worry, the self-doubt, and what they knew was self-sabotage. Everything that tangled into such a big mess that they would rather take scissors to it rather than try to untangle it.

"All my life I spent letting people's expectations ruin my own ambitions," Leona's eyes burned into theirs, a tender understanding in his words. "Deserving something doesn't matter. Take what you want, and fight for it. Fight until you win and if you don't, keep trying. That's the life I want to lead.

"And the person I want is you."

This was Leona trying. There he was, his hands carefully working at his own mess. Yuu understood it now. The Leona they knew who always wielded his sharp words and unshakable scowl was now trying to take a step closer to them. And what kind of person would they be if they didn't try to struggle on their own?

Yuu found the end of their string. And they tugged.

"If..." They watched as Leona's ear twitched at the tremble of their voice. "If we end up dating, you can't always pick fights with Grim. And you can’t get in trouble with Crowley anymore."

Leona's head bumped against their knee, "C’mon, give me a real answer." He stared up at them, brown locks tickling their leg. His face didn't betray his emotions, though they could see hope flickering in his eyes.

"I like you, Leona," Yuu's breath hitched as they spoke the words they had only ever thought of. "I like you so much it hurts to think about rejecting you." Their words seemed to reverbrate in their own chest, sounding too loud for the quiet of the room.

Then Leona was right there, hands gentle as he guided them backward; the softness of his bed engulfing them in seconds. It was like he was waiting for it. The possibility that they would’ve said yes. His eyes peered down at theirs, a hand at their cheek.

"Good," The singular word weighed heavily on their chest as the rumble of Leona's laugh accompanied it. "Sevens, you know by now, how much I wanted your answer to be yes." Yuu managed a nod, all but breathless from the sudden closeness. He pressed closer, impossibly, as he grinned with something boyish they had never seen.

"Herbivore." That teasing nickname had never sounded so sweet before. "We're dating now." Leona said it so much like a statement that they almost balked; even if they weren't opposed. They almost wanted to protest but his hand squeezed their own, "You're mine."

They didn't miss the possessive edge his voice took, raising an eyebrow, "That makes you mine too."

"Say it once."

They feigned innocence, thumbing at his hair, "Say what once?"

"You won't take mercy and indulge in me this once?" His ears seemed to droop the slightest bit. It was obvious that he did it on purpose. But by Sevens, Yuu was weak to him. And they knew it would only get worse with time.

But they knew now that Leona was just as weak to them.

They made sure to look him in the eyes as they spoke, "I'm yours, Leo—"

Leona was kissing them. Interrupting them, though they were sure he heard all that he wanted. Great Seven, his mouth. They could hardly think when Leona kissed them like a man starved of touch. His lips slid against theirs as his hands roamed, tracing their jaw and down their spine; both gentle and scalding. And all they could do was burn, their lips joining Leona's in a feverish dance. With each smooth glide of his mouth, they found it hard to stifle the sounds that threatened to spill from their chest, their grip tightening on his hair.

"Yuu," Leona murmured as he barely pulled away. And they could feel the way his lips shaped around the syllable of their name, brushing against their own. It was intoxicating. They never heard their name being said with such longing before.

Yuu almost wanted to kiss him again.

And they did, pulling him closer to press another kiss against his lips. Slower this time. Savoring the touch. And gentler, though they could still feel heat flare when Leona's tongue brushed their lip; which was too often to be unintentional.

They were both panting as they pulled back, and they couldn't tear their gaze away from Leona. Beautiful Leona, hair in disarray and his lips slick with spit, curved into the softest smile they had seen out of him yet.

"Wow, you really do like me," They breathed out, and they almost cringed at the disbelief in their voice.

Leona rolled his eyes, his expression returning to normal, "It took us making out for you to get it?"

"It took a moment for it to really sink in," They admitted as Leona fell beside them. "You’re out of my league, I think."

"I could say the same to you," Leona didn't seem to react, though his ear swiveled slightly. They were sure he was saying that to spare their feelings.

“So,” Yuu let their fingers slide against the back of Leona’s palm. "What now?"

He grunted, "Now we sleep."

A pause.

"You can't be serious."

"I'm being 100% serious, herbivore," Leona said, his chin pressing against their shoulder. "It's too early in the morning for anything right now."

Wait. Early in the morning…?

"Uhm, Leona?"

"What."

"I…” They mustered the most pitiful expression and tone they had in them. “I forgot to build a fire for the fairies this morning."

Leona opened an eye, "You mean when you were ignoring my existence?"

"You were practically ignoring me too!" Yuu sat up. Or at least tried to. It was hard when there was a seatbelt of muscle basically holding them down. "C'mon, Leona. You don't even have to come with me."

"I do have to come with you," Leona grouched, though he finally allowed them to sit up.

"And why is that?" Yuu asked as they stood up, reaching for their coat.

They spun around to find Leona standing there, jacket half on, "Because it's cold outside."

"You gotta have a better excuse than that," Yuu laughed, finding the frown on Leona's face almost cute. It was clear that Leona didn't want them to leave. They didn't want to leave either, but it wouldn't be funny if they made it through the entire break without missing their task only to get distracted by Leona.

"Fine. I'm supervising you," Leona took another step closer. "For every minute that you spend, I'm gonna extend our nap by five minutes."

Yuu took his hand, slipping it into their own pocket, "Let's just stick with the excuse that it's cold outside."

Leona didn't complain, huddling closer as they walked out. They squeezed his hand tighter as a gust of wind greeted them outside the Hall of Mirrors.

Yes, it was cold outside, but Yuu could hardly feel it. Not when their chest was buzzing with warmth. Not when they were feeling lighter than they had in days. And especially not with Leona by their side, complaining about how it should be a crime for winters to get this cold.

"It's almost the end of winter," Yuu said with a laugh. “Of course it’s cold.” Despite what they said, they huddled closer to Leona.

“At least it’ll be spring soon,” Leona yawned. “It’s perfect napping weather.”

Yuu made a show of tapping their chin, “Maybe I’ll go out on a couple of dates with my new lover.”

“Hmm,” Leona glanced at them sideways, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Maybe you will. After you take a nap with him.” And they supposed that was how it was. They were dating the Leona Kingscholar after all. If they had to take a nap before going out on a date with him, then so be it. Once winter ends, there was no doubt they would have plenty of spring days to look forward to.

and that's (almost) the end !! thank you so much for reading this very largely self-indulgent series of mine, and thank you for not giving up on this ending ^^ the last part of the series is the epilogue, 'winter's aftermath', which will tie off the story for good. until next time, check out my masterlist for more leona-filled brainrot >:D

[ tiny swahili dictionary ]

mtoto means "child"

malkia wangu means "my queen"

see prev chapter for more explanations on each term ++ why i chose swahili

[ previous chapter | series post | epilogue ]

#/trau writes #/trau fics #yay the ending #the way i wrote the whole of them arguing #in the plane #i just loved how that scene panned out :]]]]#leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #leona x reader #leona kingscholar x you #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst fics #twst fic

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shelobussy · 3 years

Note

Ohmygod YES Susan Pevensie is awesome please talk to me about Susan i want to know everything you have to say

Literally THANK YOU for asking me this bc Susan Pevensie is a character I never get asked about and I have So Many Opinions.

I'm going to start by saying that Susan used to be my least favorite character in the series. This goes for the books and the movies. Some of it was for personal reasons--she reminds me of a couple of annoying ppl I know irl--but it was also bc I watched Prince Caspian which shoehorned her into a relationship with Caspian which I hated.

HOWEVER. I ended up rethinking this position after interacting with Susan fans and realizing that there are so many wonderful things to love about her!

(putting under the cut bc this got long)

Things Ash Loves About Susan Pevensie

Aight I'm not going to do a formal analysis yet on her, but instead rant about some of the unrelated things I adore about Susan Pevensie.

Susan the Archer

Look we all love archery here. I don't have anything more to say.

Okay, I actually do have more to say. I love the fact that Susan is a complete badass with the bow. You get the general impression that she's one of the royals in charge of public relations, traditions, foreign policy, etc. and yet she's the most competent archer in the series. One of the few things I liked about the movies is how they didn't downplay this. They actually let her be a badass and show off her skills.

Also the part where she kicks Trumpkin's ass was awesome.

Susan the Gentle

Susan being the most passive Pevensie was something I definitely underappreciated as a teenager. I think my non-ability to see past "I'm not like other girls" narrative and the combination of Susan being described as the most traditionally feminine woman in the Narnia series is what initially turned me off from her.

HOWEVER, now it's one of my favorite attributes! I love that Susan is a badass and the most beautiful woman in Narnia. She has hair down to her feet, every man and woman in the kingdom want to fuck her, and she's still a fucking badass who will not hesitate to kick your ass.

Susan the Sister

Most of my thoughts of Susan as an older sister mostly stem from my own personal headcanons, but she is an awesome sister to her siblings. She's Peter's voice of reason, Edmund's sass partner, and Lucy's big sister.

Susan the Mom-Friend

She is a literal mother-figure for Corin.

"[...] the most beautiful lady he had ever seen rose from her place and threw her arms round him and kissed him, saying: "Oh Corin, Corin, how could you? And thou and I such close friends ever since thy mother died. [...]"

-The Horse and His Boy, 33-34

Most everything I have to say about this ventures into headcanon territory, but I love the idea of Susan basically adopting Corin after his mom dies. The way she trusts Cor--who she thinks is Corin in this chapter--is really sweet and I wish we could've seen more of that relationship.

Susan the Flawed

Something I notice from the fandom is a lot of people who hate Susan tend to because of her flaws. On the other hand, most Susan stans like to wave away these flaws and blame C.S. Lewis for being misogynistic or Aslan for being a "cruel god" and ignore the fact that she is a deeply flawed person.

Susan gets something of a "reverse redemption arc" in The Chronicles of Narnia. This makes her not only a fascinating foil to Edmund--as both are analytical, logical people--but an interesting character by herself.

She starts out in TWW as very skeptical of Narnia and it's whole deal and also very condescending to Lucy throughout. She ultimately does admit that Lucy was right and does get on board with the whole prophecy at the same time Peter does, and ends the book being crowned "the Gentle Queen."

In The Horse and His Boy, she has a very interesting dynamic with Edmund and in even more interesting relationship with Rabadash. They don't even interact on-page with each other, but it's highly implied that she was interested in him when he was a guest in Narnia. His behavior obviously changed when she visited him in Tashbaan, but you have to wonder what their dynamic was like before for her to travel all the way to his home when relations between the countries were strained at best.

Prince Caspian is where the cracks start showing through. Susan has lived an entire life as an adult in Narnia, gets thrown back to England with her siblings, and is yet again in Narnia as a child. This book is what really emphasizes her one fatal flaw: convenience.

(Put a pin in that thought, I'll get back to it.)

Susan denies once again that Lucy saw something that the rest of them can't seen. She continues this narrative until every other sibling finally acknowledges Lucy in the right and only then does she apologize.

The last mention of Susan is in The Last Battle, where all of her flaws rise up against her in the worst way possible. I have a lot of controversial opinions on this that I'm going to address later, but I just want to say that Susan's reverse-redemption arc is something I actually like about her.

(There is also evidence that Susan does get a full redemption arc, just as Edmund and Eustace did, but C.S. Lewis was pretty much done with The Chronicles of Narnia at the point and instead encouraged fans to write their own version of how that went down.)

Okay, back to convenience being Susan's fatal flaw. So the one thing that comes up time and time again in the series is that Susan is very focused on material comforts. I believe it's implied that she's vain, and it's canonical that her own personal comfort spurs her to make decisions.

"[...] I really believed it was him — he, I mean — yesterday. When he warned us not to go down to the fir wood. And I really believed it was him tonight, when you woke us up. I mean, deep down inside. Or I could have, if I'd let myself. But I just wanted to get out of the woods and — and — oh, I don't know [...]"

Prince Caspian, 81

Prince Caspian has the strongest examples of Susan doing this, but certainly there's evidence elsewhere. There are a lot of fans who are distressed by this, claiming that Aslan and the others are too hard on her and shouldn't judge.

Honestly, I like that she's written with this flaw. Not only is it very relatable--(my own personal comfort and convenience is something I highly prioritize too)--but it humanizes a character who otherwise is ridiculously op and basically the Helen of Troy of the series. It may sound like I'm using this as an excuse to rant, but I really wouldn't have her any other way.

Susan As Portrayed by Anna Popplewell

Movie!Susan is a fucking delight.

She's sarcastic and badass and awesome and I could spend hours heaping praise on Anna's acting and her portrayal of Susan, but I can already tell that this post is going to be long so, I'll just stop here.

(10/10 want to be stabbed by her tho.)

Personal Headcanons

Let's talk about my fanon thoughts. I have many.

Susan is Aro

There's canonical evidence for this! Susan is a character who is heavily pursued by suitors everywhere, and even lets herself be courted by many of them, but chooses not to settle down. Even when she gets back to England and is described as only having interest in parties and material things, boys aren't mentioned.

I like to think that in The Horse in His Boy Susan was interested in Rabadash at first because he was a brilliant conversationalist. Nothing she says about him implies romantic interest, before and after she realizes the truth of his intentions.

Susan and Edmund Were Best Friends

This might be my love for The Horse and His Boy showing itself, but I think Susan and Edmund were thrown into circumstances where they interacted the most with each other.

Edmund is the ruler in charge of politics. Susan is the ruler in charge of Cair Paravel's public image. I imagine they spent time as ambassadors to other countries and planning royal functions.

They're also the most level-headed and logical out of their siblings, so they probably found a lot in common.

Susan Fancast

I literally just said I loved Anna's potrayal of Susan's (and I love what they gave us of older Susan too in LWW!), but I read the books in 2008 and my parents didn't let me see the movies bc I was like...nine years old and they thought it would be too scary.

So I had to headcanon my own interpretations.

Queen Susan the Gentle:

For some reason Merlin wasn't too scary for me to watch and I fell in love with Katie McGrath in like. Two episodes so. (On an unrelated note, I also fancast Bradley James as Peter at the time.)

Anyway, fanon Susan is basically Morgana Pendragon pre-evil arc. Sassy as hell, hot as fuck, and can kick your ass.

Unpopular Opinions

Yeah, feel free to skip this part if having controversial fandom opinions is a deal breaker for you.

The Problem With Susan Isn't Actually A Problem

I'm about to start so much discourse in the Narnia fandom, but C.S. Lewis's choices with her in The Last Battle weren't misogynistic. Bear in mind, I'm not saying that all of his writing choices in the series were A++ or excusing away certain racist/sexiest bits, but it's honestly baffling to me that people are so up in arms over Susan's exclusion in the final book.

So the part that everyone loses their shit over is as follows:

"My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia."

"Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'"

"Oh Susan!" said Jill, "she's interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."

"Grown-up, indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."

The Last Battle, 83-84

There's a lot to unpack here and I first want to say that everyone's opinion on this part, no matter how different than mine, is valid. I'm going to be quoting some other ppl's opinions on here and by no means am I bashing them. I just want to address my feelings on the matter and the best way to do that is to cite the thoughts of ppl who have opposing ideas.

Here are some arguments on Tumblr I've heard regarding "The Problem of Susan":

"How about we talk about what might have happened if Narnia hadn't deserted Susan? [...] What if we didn't tell Susan she had to go grow up in her own world and then shame and punish her for doing just that? She was told to walk away and she went. She did not try to stay a child all her life, wishing for something she had been told she couldn't have again."

"Narnia is filled with metaphors (often not very subtle ones) that are supposed to teach us how to be, and the most glaring one for any young girl to absorb is that it's okay to be a girl like Lucy, unthreatening and cheerful and valiant and faithful, but to be a girl like Susan gets you punished - in fact, you aren't just punished, you're destroyed."

"why do we call it ‘the problem’ where’s the problem about a young woman dealing with her trauma and choosing her own path, actively making the choice to keep living and to stay and to carve a life out in England when her siblings couldn’t? what is the problem about susan forgetting to somehow cope with what she’s experienced? why is it ‘the problem of susan’ that she recontextualised her faith?"

And then there's JK Rowling who said this:

There comes a point where Susan, who was the older girl, is lost to Narnia because she becomes interested in lipstick. She's become irreligious basically because she found sex. I have a big problem with that.

It's weird how I'm still finding new ways to hate JKR in the year 2021. Again, there is absolutely zero implication that Susan had sex when she came back to England. ZERO. Did she actually read the books? IDK. If someone shares this opinion pls reply with actual canonical evidence.

Back on topic, I'm a firm believer of death of the author and interpreting art via your own experiences. Which is why I'm also going to share my own interpretation by saying y'all are wrong.

Susan Pevensie was not abandoned by Narnia. She was not barred from Narnia because she is traditionally feminine or because she "owned her sexuality" (another opinion I didn't have time to condense down for this post) or because she recontextualized her faith or even because she deserved to be punished.

I also fail to see how Susan recontexualized her faith, as the entire point of it all is that she has none. Bringing this back to Susan's fatal flaw (personal convenience/material comforts), her prioritizing herself over her own faith is the reason she is "no longer a friend of Narnia." Not...whatever fanon y'all are imposing on her character.

Susan is not being punished for liking lipstick and looking pretty. Susan's not even being punished. Y'all read Neil Gaiman's The Problem of Susan and forgot it wasn't canon.

There are many reasons Susan is not in Aslan's Country (one of them being that she's not actually dead yet), but the main one has to do with this:

"[...] But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

Voyage of the Dawn Treader, 215-216

Yeah, okay that's why Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia. The implication when the Pevensies are told that they can no longer enter Narnia is that they are to find Aslan in other places. Susan doesn't do this, instead choosing to focus her life on material things. It isn't the lipstick, it's that she only wants the lipstick.

Susan Had Sex In The Books

Oh and not in the context y'all are thinking. (Again, there are no implications that Susan was barred from Narnia for having sex or that she had sex when she came back to England.)

So there's actual canonical evidence that Susan and Rabadash had a sexual relationship. Sort of.

"What think you? We have been in this city fully three weeks. Have you yet settled in your mind whether you will marry this dark-faced lover of yours, this Prince Rabadash, or no?"

-The Horse and His Boy, 35

Edmund calls Rabadash her lover. Not her suitor. I don't know if the word had a different meaning in 1954, but it feels like C.S. Lewis is saying that they're fucking. I'm not really happy with the idea of Susan sleeping with an abuser, but really proud of her for Getting Some as a woman born in a time period where having premarital sex was a big no-no.

This also invalidates the weird opinion going on that Susan was barred from Narnia because she had sex.

Suspian Is The Worst

I haven't really talked about Movie!Susan much, but as long as we're talking unpopular opinions, it's worth noting that I hate Suspian. Some of it is the "Susan is Aro" headcanon screaming inside of me, but it's also the fact that it's written poorly, does nothing interesting for either character and generally comes across as awkward.

I feel like they were trying to make Prince Caspian sexy and relevant to teens. It came across as super heteronormative and unnecessary.

It also gets really really weird bc the next movie then gives Caspian and Edmund mad chemistry and we're all just like........ok.

Final Thoughts

Susan may not be my favorite character in the series, but she's grown on me over the years. I have many issues with fanon interpretations of her--which definately fueled some of my disdain for her initally--and I don't identify as a Susan Apologist.

I do however adore Susan and have many headcanons for her not mentioned here. I love reading fanfic, writing fanfic and meta, and generally having conversations about her and would love to talk more about it.

I welcome criticism (CONSTRUCTIVE) and conversation on all of my opinions and observations. Please drop into my inbox. <3

#susan pevensie #the chronicles of narnia #the problem of susan #narnia #meta #narnia meta #susan meta #ash does fandom #ash does meta

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shingia · 3 years

Text

　　　　　　❝𝐌𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓❞

　　　　　　　　　𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏

　　　　　— 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧 —

— word count : 2.3K

— if you want a quick preview of the atmosphere of this fic, you should definitely click on the title’s link...

BACK TO DIRECTORY

chapter 0 > chapter 1 > chapter 2

so his name is suna.

or at least that’s what you hear osamu call him on your way to the sports hall, as you’re walking a few steps ahead of them - listening to your friends’ debate on whether or not you should tell the others about the radio.

you waited about ten minutes in bokuto’s kitchen. the song seems to be playing on loop.

“there’s no point in hiding it from them” kenma speaks up for what you believe to be the first time, “especially if we can’t turn it off, they’ll hear it sooner or later”

he’s right. and it seems like you’re all avoiding to talk about how that radio’s aura is frighteningly morbid.

once again, kuroo’s the first one to speak, after clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention : « thank you all for coming » he starts a bit hesitantly. « um- akaashi and i were the first ones up this morning, so i’m going to let him tell you our thoughts regarding this.. absolute fucking mess »

it’s obvious that akaashi wasn’t prepared at all to be brought to the forefront. but encouraging thumbs up from bokuto and you, who are respectfully standing on his left and his right, seem to boost his confidence at least a tiny bit. you almost can’t hear the tremors in his voice :

sat in the front row, you see konoha doing his best to make everyone behind him keep their mouths shut.

« but kuroo told me to share my thoughts, so that’s what i’m going to do… » he stops for a bit, scans the crowd with concerned eyes, then takes a deep breath : « i don’t think there is a way out. at least not like that »

at his words, even you have trouble to remain silent. you’re still standing up next to him, you’re not supposed to look like you’re losing your composure - but if he’s saying the truth, then you might need to sit down and join the crowd.

« but it only means that we need to think smart ! » he keeps going, almost screaming to be heard above everyone else’s voices as you decide to go sit next to konoha, « we need to gather all the food we can find. maybe even ration it ».

you’ve rarely heard him speak so fast. « we have to be mindful of our water and electricity consumption… and, i think we should share houses because 37 seven people living in 30 houses would be a terrible choice to make ».

this is a lot to take in. even for kuroo who was supposed to know about this, yet looks as lost as the rest of you.

but in the chaos, and as insults are thrown all around you, your gaze is progressively drawn to the most quiet person of the entire group.

kenma, who was standing next to kuroo this whole time, is now slowly walking up to akaashi with intrigued eyes and his arm hesitantly stretched out, as if he’s afraid to even touch him.

and when he finally does, it’s only to move a few strands of hair away from behind his ear.

saying that akaashi looks confused would be an euphemism. same goes for kuroo who’s watching from afar. but kenma is quick to give them an explanation, as he puts his own hair up to reveal something behind his right ear :

in black ink, the number 20 is written on his skin.

kuroo’s eyes widen in surprise, as he pulls his phone out of his pocket to try and see in the reflection of the screen if he also has one. based on the way his jaw slackens in shock, you deduce that yes, he does.

quickly, without even realizing that your arms have started moving, you turn to your right where atsumu has just sat down, and - as expected - your eyes are quick to spot on another number. his number : the 17.

« what the fuck ?! » he exclaims at the feeling of your fingers brushing against the ink.

but you don’t even think about apologizing for what you just did.

« tell me what you can read » you immediately ask with a pressing tone, pointing at your ear. but atsumu seems too confused to answer you as quick as you’d like him to. luckily, it’s not osamu’s case. much quicker on his feet, he’s already read the one on suna’s skin.

« you’re 25. and he’s 33 » he tells you, pointing at his friend before showing him his own ear.

« 36 » suna informs him with a stern face.

around you, nobody seems to notice kenma’s discovery. at least not until kuroo claps in his hand three times to get everyone’s attention back - the echo against the walls makes it even more effective.

it doesn’t take long for the entire group to understand the orders : tell the person on your left which number is written on their skin, then state your number out loud for kenma to write it down. starting with akaashi, who’s apparently number 1.

« maybe we just all got tattooed yesterday… » atsumu proposes with a shrug, « i mean, most of us were completely wasted, it could’ve happened ».

he seems to be the least alarmed of the group - except maybe for suna who hasn’t spoken more than a word. at least not until now :

« please run me over with a bus if i got a matching tattoo with these people » he mumbles, throwing disdainful glances around him as he tries to erase his number by rubbing his skin with two fingers.

but kita firmly grabs his wrist before his skin can even turn red : « well i wasn’t ‘completely wasted’ yesterday. and i can assure you that we didn’t get these tattoos ourselves »

nobody dares to say it out loud. but based on how the twins gulp with difficulty, and the way suna almost agressively lets go of kita’s wrist, you’re all thinking the same thing :

if you didn’t tattoo each other, someone or something else must have done it. but who, when and why are questions that still remain.

the list is complete in a matter of minutes, because apparently, realizing that a tattoo has mysteriously appeared behind your ear seems to be a good way to make everyone finally behave. probably afraid of the fact that, the more hours pass, the less this situation makes sense.

«obviously we don’t know the meaning behind these numbers… » akaashi starts after the name of number 37 is written down. but your attention is diverted from his voice by the sound of suna’s. it’s only a whisper, but it’s loud enough for the twins and you to hear it.

« it means we’re fucking puppets in this shithole »

it’s awfully tempting to finally tell him to shut up unless he has something constructive to say (which has not happened yet). but something tells you that it wouldn’t be right. because, deep down, you know he’s telling the truth. whatever it is that brought you here, it’s bigger and stronger than you. akaashi must know it too.

speaking of him - and thanks to suna’s intervention - you just realize that you’ve missed a part of his speech.

« ...kuroo and i did some calculations. our best option would be to split in three groups, and to pick three houses to move in for the time being… houses that must be big enough to welcome twelve or thirteen people ».

the sports hall remains silent, as if everyone is trying to remember the size of every house in town. and it only takes less than a minute for someone to make a proposition, a boy sat in the middle of the stands :

« well, your house is big enough, akaashi… »

your friend shakes his head approvingly, obviously he saw that coming.

« …then there’s the house next to the elementary school »

a girl in the crowd raises her hand : « that’s mine. i don’t mind sharing it ».

« there was bokuto’s house but we broke the shower yesterday… »

in a corner of your eye, you see kuroo slapping his hand over bokuto’s mouth to keep him from yelling his indignation, before mentioning the boy to keep going : « and i guess i can share mine too… »

now that the three house are designated, the sports hall turns into a literal beehive : everyone’s running towards one of the three house owners, to make sure they’ll have their spot in their group.

as much as you disapproved of the previous chaos, you have to admit that you also start running - leaving the twins and suna to join akaashi’s group as quickly as possible, where kuroo, bokuto, konoha and kenma already seem to have gotten their entries.

« the roommates i’ve always dreamed of » kuroo satisfyingly sighs while successfully looking at this half of the group.

« same bro » bokuto approves as he nudges his friend, glad that there’s finally one thing he can rejoice about.

slowly, the bustle comes to an end. three distinct group have emerged, and things look organized for the very first time.

well… they would have, if only suna and the twins had chosen a group. but it seems like - unlike kita who’s already joined akaashi’s group - they were too slow to make a decision, and now they have no choice but to split up.

« well… » bokuto clears his throat, « i know we’ve reached our maximal capacity but… maybe we can make an exception and still welcome them ? right, akaashi ? »

obviously the latter doesn’t look thrilled by the idea. but if him, who seems to have become some kind of leader for all 37 of you, starts to refuse to show sympathy and mercy, things won’t turn out well.

but - luckily for him - he doesn’t even have time to give an answer. osamu does it for him :

« actually, we’d rather not live with you guys. i mean, no offense but… »

and his twin takes over, their voices so identical that you wouldn’t have noticed it if your eyes had been closed : « …but we don’t want to live by other people’s rules. so we decided that we were going to find ourselves a fourth home ».

you’re not even sure how it’s possible, but the silence around you just became heavier. only thing breaking it is suna’s voice, because apparently, he also has something to say :

« everyone’s welcome to join, obviously. because as you can see, there’s no leader here », he grins - and it’s most condescending smile you’ve ever seen...

« so if you ever get tired of obeying any of these people » he continues, pointing successively at the three house owners, but lingering on akaashi - as well as the people around him, « our door is wide open »

« literally, we might have to break the door to get inside the house, so... » atsumu adds, but receives a quick yet efficient slap on the back of his head that makes him shut up.

and with one last look to kita, the three of them leave without another word.

« they’ll be back » bokuto smiles with a shrug, in a desperate attempt at defusing the tension.

but kita knows them better than anyone here : « no they won’t ».

the rest of the day is much more peaceful than the hectic morning you’ve all had to go through. mostly because almost everyone is still hungover, and that no decisions can be make with alcohol fogging the brains of thirty out of seven people.

throughout the afternoon, that you spend cleaning bokuto’s house, many curious people stop by to check whether or not the « mysterious radio » akaashi has talked about is still playing. and it is, making it impossible to forget about your condition.

the evening, on the other hand, is a bit more similar to the morning...

it’s 10pm when you enter akaashi’s kitchen, where kita is still sat around the table even though dinner ended two hours ago. « still no news of your friends ? » you ask him with worried eyes.

« no... but i told you guys : don’t expect to see them come crawling back to us. suna’s got too much pride for that. and the twins won’t leave him behind »

wouldn’t be that big of a loss... you catch yourself thinking as your eyes lay on the black ‘14’ behind kita’s ear.

you’d like to say something to comfort him, to let him know that he’s got a friend in you. in all of you who are living under the same roof as him actually. but bokuto and kuroo’s heavy footsteps down the wooden stairs catch your attention before you can even say a word.

« did you guys see the moon?! » bokuto asks with wide eyes.

elbows propped on the counter, you share a confused look with kita.

« no, what’s wrong with it? » he asks kuroo, since bokuto’s already ran to the backyard.

the black-haired boy’s eyes aren’t as wide as his friend’s, but they hold as much panic. yet his voice stays calm when he answers :

« it disappeared. so did the stars », before hurriedly following bokuto outside. and obviously, you and kita are too curious not to go after him...

and what you see outside almost makes the radio seem like a silly joke now. because nothing is as morbid as a sky without its moon.

FEEL FREE TO SHARE UR THOUGHTS IN THE INBOX... IM CURIOUS 👀

TAGLIST : @shoyotime @maizumis @toworuu @maitenight @kageyamas-love @smolmo @u-make-my-heart-tsumtsum @sunarinluvr @underratedmage @cyanma @pixelwisp @kyuuni i @ijustwantfreenetflix @aspenss @rintarovibes @itoshibaby @meri-soni-meri-tamanna @livy384 @akkeyomi

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#— might makes right —#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #suna angst #suna x reader #suna x female reader #haikyuu au #haikyuu x you #haikyuu fic #inarizaki angst

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walkerwords · 3 years

Text

“The Savior Sessions” Part 23 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader

IMAGE CREDIT: AMC

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: You were right in Alpha seeking revenge for crossing into their lands and now swarms of Walkers are arriving at the gates of Alexandria. Still trying to deal with the emotions in your own mind, you are tasked with supervising Aaron and Negan who are to work together. What happens when the three of you get stuck over night in a cabin together and what is Carol thinking?

Word Count: 6061

Warning: Swearing

Song I Wrote To: “My Blood” by twenty one pilots

Note: This one takes place in ep 3 of season 10 called “Ghosts”. In this chapter, we get a better look at the reader’s life before the end of the Savior war and especially what they knew about Carl and the letter he left for Negan.

-------

A cataclysmic event.

That was what you witnessed when they dropped fire on Atlanta. Everything was burning and the air was thick with the smell of hot metal and melting tar. You could still remember the way your skin felt as you ran through the street, trying to flee from the destruction.

That was the first night you finally saw a Walker up close. You had seen them on the TV and images that flashed on public monitors in the heart of the city, but never had one been mere feet away. It moved towards you as if you were the only thing in the world that mattered. You wanted to run, to scream, but you just stood there, watching.

You could hear the commotion behind you as people ran for their lives, but nothing could distract you from the Dead man in front of you. Fresh blood dripped from its mouth as it reached for you. Stumbling back, you couldn’t think to do anything else but examine how something as beautiful as a human being had become...this.

A shot came from a nearby convoy as the military tore through the rubble-filled streets, ending the Walker once and for all. They didn’t stop to ask if you were okay and they didn’t yell at you to run, they just kept going and you were alone again.

As you stared down at the man that once was, you couldn’t stop the thoughts that ran through your head that said, “Perhaps this is next for all of us. Perhaps this is what is meant to happen.”

That thought followed you all the way from the city and into the hills where you eventually met Carl Grimes and it had never truly left you.

Even now as you watched Walkers approach your home in waves, those two little sentences were buzzing in the back of your mind, trying to make themselves known. However, just as you had for about a decade now, you shoved them away and picked up your weapon.

The number of Walkers that fell upon Alexandria was something that you hadn’t seen in years. Being so far from the cities, it was rare to find massive hordes right near the communities or even groups of more than ten or fifteen. However, now there were groups of ten or twenty every time you turned around and you knew why.

Alpha was pissed.

You had tried to warn them when they went over her borders, but of course, nobody batted an eye when you spoke up.

You couldn’t understand how one day your thoughts mattered and the next, they went clear over everyone’s heads. You knew you weren’t in charge, that didn’t both you. What did bother you was that your people had begun to question you, rather than relying on your council. You started to notice it after the blizzard and then even more so as your relationship with Negan furthered.

While you still held a position of respect within Alexandria, you knew that you were looked at differently because of Negan, but you didn’t hold an ounce of resentment towards the man that you loved. Negan was the most important part of your life now and if that meant that nobody looked to you anymore, that was something that would have to get used to.

Especially in moments when you were the only one dealing with the Dead.

Aaron and the others had arrived home in the early hours of the morning, desperate to get their children home safely and when they saw you on watch, they had avoided your eyes immediately. You knew why they crossed over, but if you had had it your way, you would have been glad to watch the world burn.

There had been a discussion, well rather an argument, earlier as more waves of Walkers approached. Lydia had been present in the meeting hall when Daryl had begun questioning her.

You had stayed in the back, ready to jump in to defend her if necessary, but she was handling it well. Lydia had explained that she didn’t think the Walkers were from her mother and that Alpha would have sent a horde. You weren’t so sure about that.

You knew fear tactics and this was textbook.

Then there was the fact that Alpha now wanted to speak to Michonne and Daryl. You hadn’t even volunteered to go with them to the South border because you knew they would shut you down. However, you didn’t mention that bringing Carol was just as much of a risk. While you were pissed and wanting blood, Carol’s vendetta was even more personal.

Once some of the Highwaymen began throwing insults at Lydia, you took her out of the room and let Daryl deal with them. The last thing she needed was more venom thrown at her and you weren’t going to have her stand by and be spit on.

Instead, you began to help clear out the Walkers again while you thought about what to do about her mother. While you didn’t agree with accepting Alpha’s terms and her borders, antagonizing her was the last thing you wanted to do.

If you were going to take her out, you wanted to do it when she didn’t expect it. You didn’t want a firefight or a clashing of swords, you just wanted her and Beta dead. It was that simple. Though, like most things in the fucked up world known as the apocalypse, nothing was ever truly simple.

Negan was not too far away from you, helping to load the corpses into the wagons. You were keeping an eye on him as he worked, but you kept finding yourself distracted as the day wore on. Especially by one memory in particular…

--------

Months Earlier…

“This is either a trick or you pulled some huge strings on the puppet masters of Alexandria,” Negan said as he closed the door to your house behind you. Lydia who was sitting on the couch glanced up from the art book in her hands, something you had found in the garage a few days before and gave to her.

“If you keep questioning Michonne’s decision, she’s gonna send your ass back out into the cold to sleep in the snow,” you warned, taking off your heavy coat.

“I’m not complaining,” Negan said with a grin and a wink. With a sigh, you gestured for him to make himself at home.

“Lydia, did you eat?” you asked as you entered the living room to turn on your newly fixed fireplace.

“Siddiq brought me something,” she said quietly as she stared at Negan who looking at her with curiosity. You gestured between them.

“Lydia, this is Negan. Negan, meet Lydia,” you introduced.

“Nice to meet ya, kid,” he said with a neutral face, trying to gauge her reaction.

“Hi,” she said shyly, folding her legs underneath her on the couch.

“Jailbird here is gonna be staying with us when it’s below zero,” you explained as Negan leaned against the wall near the fire. “So just watch where you step so you don’t step in his ego while he’s here.” Negan scoffed.

“Wow, (Y/N), that hurts,” he said.

“Yeah? Well, so does this,” you said, as you gestured to the fresh wound on your side. “I’m gonna go change the dressing, try not to corrupt her, yeah?”

“I would never!” he called as you climbed the stairs towards your room. However, instead of searching for gauze, you remained on the landing and listened in on Negan and Lydia. “What are you reading?” Negan asked after a moment and you could hear the flipping of pages in the quiet of the room.

“(Y/N) found it in the garage,” Lydia said.

“Ah, Dalí,” Negan said. “I like his stuff.”

“The clocks are cool,” Lydia admitted and you smiled to yourself.

“That they are,” Negan agreed. “How are you doing? I heard life is sort of kicking you in the teeth at the moment.”

“I’m better than I was yesterday,” Lydia said. “At least a little bit.”

“And tomorrow you’ll be a bit better than you were today. Takes time,” he said.

“Nobody wants me here,” she whispered, almost too quiet for you to hear.

“(Y/N) does,” Negan said, “and trust me, coming from them, that means a lot.”

“Why are you locked up?” Lydia suddenly asked and Negan remained quiet. It was only after about a minute that he sighed.

“Do you really want to know? It’s not a pretty story,” he said.

“Neither is mine,” Lydia admitted and then you heard her shifting on the couch, settling in to listen to him.

“Alright,” Negan said, almost reluctantly. “It all started when a man named Rick visited Hilltop for the first time…”

-------

You were knocked out of your memory as arguing reached your ears.

Still reeling from your thoughts, you searched for the cause only to see Gabriel stepping in between Aaron and Negan. Aaron’s morning star prosthetic was already attached and you could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears as you rushed over to find out what the damn issue was.

“You need fighters,” Gabriel was saying. “He can fight, you’re taking him.”

“What now?” you asked, already regretting the question.

“Your buddy doesn’t trust me to help him take out Walkers,” Negan explained. “Though, I’ve already expressed my desire to stay here and bury corpses instead of hanging out with Captain Hook here.” Aaron glared at Negan and you were already getting a migraine.

“Seriously?” you asked Gabriel who was already on the verge of giving up. “Fine, I guess I will play babysitter.”

“Fucking perfect,” Aaron swore.

“Hey,” you said, pointing at him, “don’t break the asshole pact,” you said, reminding him of the conversation the two of you had on his porch before you left for the fair. You had finally repaired your relationship with Aaron and you weren’t going to blow it now.

“I know, I know,” Aaron said, getting where you were coming from, “but it doesn’t extend to him.”

“I never said it did,” you defended.

“You want to referee these two?” Gabriel asked, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Fine, be my guest!” Gabriel stormed away and you turned to both of the men before you with your arms crossed.

“Great, now you’ve pissed off the Priest.”

————

The three of you walked through the thick forest in silence.

Normally, you would have been chatting or joking with Negan about being outside the walls for the first time together, but your romantic getaway was nowhere near as special as you thought it would be.

Aaron dragged his feet alongside both of you. You could hear his feet digging in the mud and you knew he was doing it on purpose to annoy Negan. Jesus had taught him how to move through the woods in silence just as Lydia was teaching you.

This only made you even more annoyed.

“You’re quiet today,” Negan observed, poking at your side. You looked over at him and took his hand, squeezing it a few times before letting go.

“Sorry,” you said, returning your hand to rest on your sword.

“What’s gotten into you?” Aaron asked.

“I’m pissed off, Aaron,” you explained with a huff.

“Well, I can see that,” Aaron said.

“Not helping,” Negan shot back. Aaron just rolled his eyes at Negan’s comment. You pushed on, ignoring both of them. It had only been a couple of days since the satellite fell and while Eugene felt that harvesting the tech from the machine was necessary, you still thought it was foolish.

Your mood wasn’t getting any better no matter what Lydia or Negan tried. If you were being honest with yourself, you just needed a break. All you wanted to do was go away for a while and not think about communities arguing or masked menaces tracking your every mood.

You just needed a moment.

Now with the meeting happening at the Southern border, you didn’t know what to expect. Just as long as Daryl came back in one piece, you would be okay.

For now.

The three of you ended up in a clearing not too far from Alexandria, but far enough to see where the Walkers would be crossing towards the main road that led home.

Aaron gave Negan an old broomstick to handle the Walkers and he wouldn’t give in to your request of giving Negan your knife. It was ridiculous, but you figured it was better than Aaron yelling and Negan making ridiculous comments.

“You have that look on your face,” Aaron observed as he took a swig of his water after taking out another Walker.

“What look?” you asked, unbothered by the blood stuck to your blade. Negan was nearby, always twirling his stick around to amuse himself.

“It’s the same look you had the day Rick and Daryl brought Jesus to Alexandria,” he explained.

“Annoyed?” you asked, staring off into the trees.

“More suspicious,” he said. “Though, I would throw in just a dash of pessimism, too.”

“Is that so?” you asked.

“You know, when I met you, I really didn’t like you,” Aaron said and you scoffed.

“Ouch,” Negan muttered.

“There was just something about you that I didn’t get,” he went on. “Rick acted as if you were some kind of boogeyman.”

“This isn’t sounding any better, Aaron,” you said, leaning on your sword.

“What I’m trying to say is that you always seemed like the black sheep of the family and I think we need that kind of thinking right about now,” he said, surprising you.

“I thought you would be on team, ‘cross the border’,” you said.

“So did I,” Aaron said.

“But?” you prompted.

“I don’t know anything at this point. At least, I feel as if I don’t,” he admitted. “All I do know is that we can’t treat these...people like we have in the past with other enemies,” Aaron said and you didn’t miss the glance he threw at Negan. Negan ignored him, but he was still listening.

“Right, and now with Daryl agreeing to meet with these psychos...” you sighed.

“Daryl knows what he’s doing,” Aaron tried.

“Well, out of the three of us here, I’ve known him the longest. I know how blind he can be when it comes to his family and with Carol hurting the way she is, he ain’t gonna stop until Alpha is dead,” you said.

“I remember how he used to be,” Aaron said, but you shook your head.

“You didn’t know him before Alexandria, before the Prison,” you said. “Daryl used to be loud and sharp. After his brother went missing he became standoffish and reckless. Nobody could work with him, not even Rick. The crazy son of a bitch once impaled himself on his crossbow bolt when his horse threw him off. Then, he got shot in the same afternoon on Maggie’s farm cause Andrea thought he was damn Walker. The man doesn’t know when to slow down.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Aaron asked.

“It was when nobody knew him. Nobody knew what to expect. The only people he was even decent to were Carol and Carl.”

“Not you?” Negan asked, hauling another body over to the pile.

“Definitely not,” you said, thinking about all the arguments the two of you would get into. “We were civil, but I think we saw too much of each other in another. I remember Merle, Daryl’s big brother seeing us work together against the Governor. He used to make some really ridiculous comments, but one always stuck with me. Merle would say that we were ‘just two screwed up kids who ended up at the end of the world,’ and hell, he was right.”

------

The three of you worked into the late afternoon, early evening as sweat bloomed on your brows and blood stuck to your boots.

Negan did his best to take out the Walkers with his stick, but he was itching for a blade. If Aaron wasn’t around then he knew that you would give him one without question.

As he watched you, he could see how anxious you were getting. You had mentioned that Daryl never slowed down, but you never did either. You became distant and restless when you didn’t have a target in your sights. It was one of the many things he loved about you.

After taking down another three Walkers, you wicked the blood from the sword that had become a part of you.

“I’m going to get some more water,” you announced. “Try not to kill each other.”

“I’ll do my best,” Negan said with a wink. You ignored him as you grabbed the canteens and headed into the trees.

Negan and Aaron were silent as they continued to kill the Walkers that broke off from the main horde that the others were handling. Without you to be there as a buffer, Aaron began to bite his tongue so he didn’t blow up at the man next to him.

Negan however, could feel the heat coming off him.

“Are you just gonna keep staring at me or are you going to man up and tell me what’s on your mind?” Negan said, turning to face his adversary.

“I have nothing to say to you,” Aaron said.

“Ah, we both know that’s not true,” Negan said. “You’ve been just dying to give me a piece of that mind buried under all those curls. So, come on, lay it on me.” Aaron was quiet for a moment before he let his anger win over his decision to remain somewhat civil.

“You’re not good enough for them,” Aaron said and Negan raised his brows, taking in the words.

“If you think that pisses me off,” Negan began, “then I hate to break it to you, but you’re not the first to disapprove.”

“I won’t be the last either,” Aaron threatened and Negan caught onto what he was saying.

“If this is about Maggie,” said Negan, “then I think you need to take a step back. She can want me dead all she damn well pleases, but the fact is, she had her chance to kill me and she didn’t take it.”

“She’d do it now,” Aaron said.

“Why, because I’m in love with one of her friends? Are they friends? Because last time I checked, (Y/N) never talks about her.”

“You don’t get to dissect every relationship they’ve had. You are the reason that (Y/N) lost two people they really cared about, three if you count Sasha,” Aaron said.

“I had nothing to do with Sasha’s death,” Negan said. “I didn’t kill her.”

“No, you didn’t,” Aaron agreed, “but you are the reason she’s dead.” Negan glared at Aaron, trying to control his breathing.

“It was war, Aaron, or are you forgetting your merry bunch of survivors killed my men as they fucking slept? You pulled the trigger first. You can be pissed at me all you want, but do not look at me and see a monster when you’ve shed just as much blood.”

“You wanna know what I see?” Aaron asked. “I see someone that's pretending.”

“Come on, man, just let it go,” Negan said as he moved past Aaron, going to follow you. However, Aaron was faster, throwing out his leg and blocking Negan’s step, sending him to the ground. “Jesus!” Negan swore. “Did you just trip me? What, are you? Twelve?” Aaron sneered at him, but Negan wasn’t having it. Getting to his feet, he towered over Aaron. “What the hell is wrong with you? I've been puttin' my neck on a block for you people all goddamn day!”

“You don't give a damn about us,” Aaron said, not believing it for a second. “If you gave a shit, you'd leave. That's what everyone needs.”

“I can’t do that and you know it,” Negan said.

“Because you love them?” Aaron asked with a scoff.

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“Coming from you? Absolutely! They may have forgiven you for all the death and torture, but the rest of us haven’t!”

“Nobody has forgiven anyone!” Negan said. “You think (Y/N) forgives me for murdering their friends right in front of them? They don’t and I haven’t asked them to! Look, I did what I had to do back then.” Aaron was silent then as Negan’s words cascaded over him.

Aaron then tilted his head just as a predator would when watching its prey. “What did you say?” he asked, but Negan remained silent. “No, no, no. Open that up. Tell me why the love of my life had to die,” he ordered.

Negan shook his head, but he took the bait. “Okay. One simple fact. One truth kept my people going... if you don't protect what belongs to you, then sooner or later, it belongs to someone else. That goes for your land, your wallet, your home, your country... everything. It is your job as a man to protect it. That's the story of America, the story of the whole goddamn world. And ain't nothing changing it... not you, not me, nobody,” Negan said, getting into Aaron’s face, but the latter wasn’t backing down.

“Are you saying that Eric's death was my fault?” he asked but Negan remained still. Aaron then shook his head, stepping into Negan’s space even more. “Well, if I failed Eric,” he whispered. “Then you failed your wife.” Negan went still, looking down at Aaron with fury in his eyes.

“Careful,” Negan warned, trying to remain calm, but Aaron wasn’t done.

“Yeah. She died hating you, right? Gabriel told us the story and I know that (Y/N) has heard it, too. Hate to break it to you, but you will never see her again.” Negan’s mouth turned into a smirk as light entered his eyes.

“What? You wanna say something?” Aaron challenged.

“Yeah,” Negan said and then with a quirked brow pointed over Aaron’s shoulder. “Behind you,” he whispered as Walkers converged on Aaron. Aaron took out one in a hurry as another, which was covered in vegetation, fell on Aaron, taking him to the ground. Aaron yelled as the Walker reached for his face, but he was able to hit it over the head with his morning star, killing it easily.

However, something was wrong. Negan was gone and Aaron couldn’t see.

------

By the time you got back to the clearing, it was night.

Of course, this was the time for you to get turned around and have to double back. You pushed into the clearing, ready to get the boys back on track when you were met with an empty space.

“Seriously!” you yelled, throwing your hands up. “I say not to kill each other and they leave me,” you muttered. “No, no, (Y/N) they’ll be just fine, just two people who hate each other. Why should it matter if they both care about you? It’s not like that fucking matters.”

You continued to talk to yourself as you shone your light on the ground and managed to find Negan’s footprints. “It’s a good thing you’re practically bigfoot,” you whispered as you headed into the trees. You were then very happy that Daryl had taken all that time to teach you how to track or you’d be out there stumbling over Walkers and roots.

The tracks were accompanied by another set. You figured they were Aaron’s considering how precise they were. Walker tracks were more random and uneven. They led away from Alexandria which only made you even more annoyed. “Right, let’s go away from the walls and the warm food. Assholes,” you swore as you climbed over a fallen tree and kept moving.

Eventually, you saw a flickering light in the distance. Stepping over what was either a dead Walker or a half-eaten deer, you arrived at a cabin. Noises of alarm echoed from the cabin and you ran towards it, kicking open the door. You slid into the main room just as Negan finished killing the last Walker with a crowbar. You would have to ask where he got that later.

“What the hell?” you asked, alarming Negan.

“(Y/N)?” Aaron’s voice came in the dark. “Negan?”

Negan looked at you and in the dark of the room with only the moon to illuminate his features, he looked incredibly intimidating. “You alright?” Negan asked Aaron who was looking around the room rapidly. You took a step closer to him, confused.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “How did you…?”

“Your light switched on,” Negan explained, reaching down to turn off the flashlight that was on Aaron’s belt.

“What’s wrong, Aaron?” you asked.

“I can’t see,” he said, looking around the room, trying to focus on anything, but couldn’t. Negan kneeled in front of Aaron who stiffened as Negan got close.

“Flowers growin’ out of the Walkers is hogweed,” Negan explained, looking at Aaron’s eyes.

“Hogweed?”

“Nasty shit,” Negan said with a glance over at you. “Causes rashes, blindness…”

“Is it permanent?” Aaron asked as you leaned against the wall.

“Sometimes,” Negan admitted. “You wash your eyes out?”

“Yeah, in a stream, but I… I didn’t have,” Aaron tried and then you realized you still had the water.

“Here,” you said tossing the full canteen to Negan who gave it to Aaron. Aaron drank half of it in one go, desperate to quench his thirst.

“Alright, come on,” Negan said as he helped Aaron off the floor and you were surprised to see that Aaron let him. Negan got him settled in the old chair before joining you next to the window.

“What are you doing?” Aaron asked.

“We’ll take watch and leave first thing in the morning. That good with you?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said softly. “Yeah, that’s good.”

“You two are both idiots,” you said, crossing your arms.

“We know,” Negan and Aaron said at once and you couldn’t help but smirk at that. Aaron settled into the chair, the reaction to the hogweed taking its hold, but he didn’t sleep.

Instead, he listened.

“Maybe don’t run off in the middle of the night when a lot of Walkers are around, okay?” you said.

“Sorry,” Negan said sheepishly. You nodded to him, peering out the windows, letting your mind wander. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

“What?”

“You look lost in thought, have all day,” he said with a shrug.

“Uh, I was thinking about Rick,” you said.

“Anything in particular?” he asked. You were quiet for a moment before turning to fully face him.

“I lied to you before,” you said.

“When?”

“When you asked me what the vote was on what to do with you. I told you that Rick just decided. He and Michonne had the final say, but that wasn’t the whole truth,” you admitted. “Rick asked me what I thought he should do.” Negan was quiet for a moment.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing at first,” you said. “I didn’t have an opinion right away. I was angry with you and I wanted you to pay for what you did, but I… I didn’t know if death was the answer. I was conflicted.”

“Why?” he asked and you looked at him with glossy eyes.

“Because of Carl,” you admitted and you saw something shift behind his eyes at the mention of the late teen. “I read the letter that he wrote to you. Michonne let me after she had given me the one Carl left to me. I knew what Carl wanted. He wanted the fighting to stop, he wanted the hate to stop, and he wanted you to be a better man. How was I supposed to deny him that?”

“Did you tell Rick this?”

“Sort of,” you said with a sigh. “I told him that Carl had written to me asking me to take care of him and Judith. Carl trusted me to be the protector of his family because he couldn’t anymore, but he never needed to ask. I would have died for Rick and I will die for RJ and Judith if it came down to it.”

“I know,” Negan whispered.

“I thought about it for hours, the question Rick asked me, and then I told him that it wasn’t up to me and it wasn’t really up to him either. Carl had already made the decision. Rick had already made promises to the people he loved. He promised his best friend, Shane, that he would protect his family because Shane did it first; He promised Lori that he would protect Carl and he did.

“What happened to Carl wasn’t Rick’s fault no matter what he thought. Most of all, Rick promised Michonne that he would build a good life for their daughter, and I had to remind him that he wasn’t allowed to break that promise. Carl had an idea, and if we had killed you, we would have been dishonoring him and everything he wanted to fight for but couldn’t. I had to make a choice and for once it wasn’t for my survival, but for securing Carl’s legacy. You once asked me why I stayed in Alexandria when I felt as if I never quite fit.”

“And you said it was because Carl was buried there,” he remembered.

“Alexandria is strong and still standing because of Carl. It’s not just because his grave is there. It’s because everywhere I turn, I see that kid’s influence. I made a promise when I read the letter he wrote to me. I can’t break it now and I never will.”

“Where is all this coming from?” Negan asked. You wiped at the tears that formed in the corner of your eyes.

“I feel as if I’m starting to lose sight of him, Negan,” you said. “I look around and I don’t see Carl, I see Alpha’s face or Jesus’ blood on my hands. I can’t see the good anymore.”

“There is still good in this world, (Y/N),” Negan promised. “You just gotta search a little harder.”

“I’m tired of searching,” you said. “I try to be there for Lydia, but most days I have no idea what I’m doing. What the hell does she see when she looks at me? I don’t even know what I see when I look at her.”

“Do you wanna know what I see when I look at Lydia?” he asked.

“What?”

“I see a scared kid who’s had a shit life and who needs you to look out for her,” Negan said.

“Right,” you said, but Negan wasn’t convinced you were getting it. You then looked up at him. “What do you see when you look at me?” Negan didn’t even hesitate.

“Possibilities,” he said and it threw you for a loop. Looking at him in the dark of the cabin, you could only see the truth pouring from him.

“What do you see when you look at yourself?” you whispered.

“Not much,” he answered.

“Negan…”

“It’s alright,” he said. “I’ve accepted it. You know, when I went back to the Sanctuary and saw what everything had become, I finally got it.”

“Got what?” you asked. Negan reached out and dragged his knuckles along the back of your arm, savoring the feeling as if you were going to fade away.

“That my number was up the second Rick told me he was going to kill me in that clearing,” Negan said, avoiding your eyes. “I just didn’t know this would be how he’d do it, condemning me to a life of self-hatred,” he said with a self-deprecating laugh.

“Why are you saying this to me?” you asked.

“I’m just trying to let you know that it’s okay if I don’t get the happy ending. I was more of a fan of horror films than fairytales anyway,” he admitted.

“What am I supposed to do with this?”

“Just…” Negan trailed off and then pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you. “Just be still with me right now. Just, be still.”

-------

Negan eventually fell asleep after you convinced him to get some rest.

You were too wired to even think about sleeping. You sat on the floor between Negan and Aaron, your sword reflecting moonlight across the dark room. The next time you heard a voice, it was Aaron’s and not Negan’s.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron whispered. “I didn’t mean to run off.”

“It’s okay,” you said, reaching up to squeeze his hand. Aaron went to say something else then when Negan began talking in his sleep. You were used to it from all the times you spent by his side in bed, but Aaron froze as he listened to the nonsense.

It wasn’t until actual words were formed that Aaron sat up. “Simon,” Negan muttered. “Si…,” he said again and then went back to mumbling before growing silent again. It had been a while since he dreamed about Simon, you realized.

“What the hell was that?” Aaron whispered.

“Negan, he talks in his sleep. He says the names of his victims sometimes.”

“Simon?” Aaron asked, surprised.

“Negan strangled him when he tried to overthrow him. Simon was the one who ordered all the men and boys to be killed at Oceanside. He killed the boy at Hilltop and was the one who massacred Jadis’ people. Negan never knew any of it,” you whispered.

“Makes sense,” Aaron said and you furrowed your brow.

“How so?”

“Negan doesn’t hurt kids,” Aaron said simply.

“No, no he doesn’t,” you said, glad that Aaron understood that.

“He still grinds my gears,” Aaron said.

“I know.”

“And since when is he a fucking botanist? Hogweed, really?” Aaron scoffed.

“He’s been out in the world for a long time,” you said.

“Yeah, I know,” he said and then, “I never knew about Rick.” You sighed, but you figured he had been listening.

“Nobody knew, that was the point.”

“I guess I never realized just how much he put on you,” Aaron said.

“I didn’t mind,” you said, leaning your head against the chair.

“Maybe you should’ve.”

-------

The next morning, Aaron was still struggling with his eyesight, but it was getting better.

Negan slung one of Aaron’s arms around his shoulders to help him walk as you carried the weapons. Rosita pulled open the gate when you got home and yelled for Siddiq as you explained what happened. The doctor came running down the street with worry. Once he saw that Aaron was in one piece more or less, he took him from Negan.

You knew that Siddiq and the new doctor, Dante, would get him fixed up in no time. After making sure Aaron was okay, you began to lead Negan back to his cell. As you approached the Grimes’ house, you noticed Michonne, Daryl, and a very pissed of Carol standing on the stoop.

“Uh oh,” Negan said as he stuck close to you. As you got closer, Carol shoved past both of them and into the house. The look on Daryl’s face made you incredibly nervous considering he had just returned from the meeting with Alpha.

You and Negan stopped next to them and Michonne seemed to relax at the sight of you, knowing that at least you were okay.

“What happened?” you asked.

“Carol shot at Alpha,” Michonne divulged and you sighed, trying to contain your anger.

“Fucking fantastic,” you swore. “How much shit are we in now?”

“She knew we crossed,” Daryl said. “She knew about all of it. The fire, the blizzard, and even when Michonne and Aaron crossed by the river. She’s got people everywhere.”

“So Carol felt the need to light the fire further?”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t have?” Daryl challenged but you remained quiet. Daryl shook his head as he walked away. “I need to find Lydia,” he said before heading across the street.

“This is only going to get worse now,” you said to Michonne who nodded.

“I know,” she said. “Get ready for a fight.” Michonne turned and followed Carol back into the house, still rigid from the night before. You sighed, gripping the sides of your head as every fear was coming back.

“Are you actually pissed Carol tried to kill Alpha?” Negan asked.

“No,” you said, removing the keys from your belt, “I’m pissed that she missed.”

AN: Next Chapter is going to be an important one. Hint: Carol becomes desperate and turns to an unlikely ally.

TAGS:

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#the walking dead #walkerwords #savior sessions #negan imagine #twd #twd imagine #negan x reader #negan x gn reader #negan fanfiction

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themanip · 3 years

Text

alternate routes

SYNOPSIS — how do you go throughout life? well, you find someone you like. get to know them. start dating. break up a few times, get back together. get married. have some kids. die old. typical. fucking in a back room of an awards show, not once, but twice as complete strangers, was definitely not how most relationships start out.

PAIRING — taehyung x metzi (oc) WARNINGS — descriptions of cheating, fliphones, mentions of getting laid, really bad intros tbh, the introvert line being introverts, and girls who are rlly bad at timing, an asshole named ryan, cursing WORD COUNT — just over 3.1k AUTHOR’S NOTE — hi! i am so fucking bad at writing the first chapter or two, i promise if you can bear the beginning of this story, it gets better. i have two and a half chapters written so far but i am writing super often! once a few more chapters get published i will create a masterlist. please enjoy and if you have any comments or recs don’t hesitate to let me know!! :)))

𝟏: 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐄

𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖 ⇥ The universe known to man is a labyrinth—an irregular maze, a passage that cannot be routed—and to understand that took more than an average mind. The matter was far too complicated than any obsolete man to comprehend on a whim. Millenia passed before galaxies were formed, planets were created, all unbeknownst to the stars bursting just miles apart.

From early amphibians, to the ice age, to cavemen, evolution has made great strides in every species. Humans in the past were variants called homosapiens, and most likely came from chimpanzees. Great strides like this were something to be proud of, you'd think.

When Metzi Ludovic realized that birds can fly with natural evolution, while humans had to industrialize it (thanks to the Wright brothers) she was pretty distraught. As an imaginative and critical eight-year old, fifteen years later, not much had changed. Currently, she was pondering over the fact that humans are one of the few species with opposable thumbs.

Majority of animals had not yet evolutionized to create opposable thumbs. While frantic over this, she also imagined her beautiful Pomeranian, with thumbs popping out of his paws. Her thoughts were quickly subdued, thanks to her coherent thoughts making an appearance. As cool as it would be, all other animals would devour humans if they gained that ability.

Is that the only reason humans are all mighty? They can industrialize and aim properly due to their adaptations, so that they somehow became top of the food chain?

Thankfully, she was redacted from her thoughts as her manager, Emmy, let out a distressed sigh. "Wren, we cannot change your outfit again. You look beautiful," At this point, looking at Wren, she knew that she would look good. Somehow, she couldn't convince herself.

"Wren, we can switch. I don't hate green, so you can take blue if you want it. I really don't mind," Metzi smiled softly, and she knew it was the right thing to offer as Wren's face lit up, a few tears being wiped away. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just do me a favor and loosen the ties on that, please. I have had way too many tacos yesterday to fit into it with the strings that tight," a small laugh left her mouth, and as she laid on the comfortable sofa. It was plush, but somehow offered no lumbar support. Who the hell makes a couch so soft, yet so unbearable for convenience of naps?

Selfish, she thought.

This dressing room was beautiful, so you'd think they'd have enough funds to make a decent couch. She could enjoy the aesthetics of the room, anyways. A luxurious baby pink covered the walls, and was bordered by pristine white. Plush gray carpet was under her feet, and was stain free. With Malorie in here, that probably wouldn't last long.

She was over by the double mirrors, applying powder over her face. She was so beautiful, Metzi couldn't fathom why she insisted on so much makeup. The same could be said about herself, so she kept her somewhat inner misogynistic comments at bay. She was pretty quiet, but something was off. She wasn't usually this quiet, so Metzi shot her a text.

She was very personal, and barely talked about what bothered her. Occasionally, Metzi would get her to open up, which she could physically see the relief on her face as she broke down. A brief, but to the point was written out on Metzi's phone.

you don't seem okay. wanna talk about it? Read 2:33 PM

The three dots popped up, and Metzi's attention was quickly brought to Vida, who sat down next to her, letting out a sigh. "How much longer until Olive gets here? I'm so close to taking a nap," Vida quickly put her hair into a makeshift ponytail, and leaned back, closing her eyes.

"It's only two, so I imagine not for a good hour or so, a nap sounds kind of nice," Wren commented, stood in the other corner of the room, with Emmy helped her undo the straps of her outfit. Her green silk top complimented her skin perfectly, but Metzi knew it was too late to convince her.

"Well, I'm out, wake me up when she gets here," Vida quickly blurts, and her head is now comfortably laying on the arm of the sofa. "I'll get up, I have to go to the bathroom anyways," Metzi commented, sighing before getting up.

Silence followed, and the blonde decided to take a look at her phone. A text was sent back on Malorie's behalf, and she widened her eyes momentarily. Standing still, she turned back to look at her. A face of guilt was evident, and she tried her best to hold her breath.

i have something to tell you, i'm not supposed to. i just feel so bad knowing while you don't i really shouldn't have said anything forget it

meet me in the bathroom

Read 2:37PM

Metzi's mind was in a whirlwind, and she couldn't think of anything she'd be referring to. Of course, it was useless, because clearly she wasn't meant to know about it. She hurried out of the room, the last thing she heard was Wren complaining once more about her outfit.

The hallways were empty, mostly because they'd came so early, and Metzi took her time reaching the bathroom. It was communal, so she really hoped that nobody else was here yet. The awards were meant to start in a few hours, and considering they had three faces to paint with makeup, early was a necessity.

"I hope you won't be mad at me," A small, timid voice aired behind her. The blonde turned around, and clutched her phone in fear. "I'm not, please tell me what's going on,"

As Malorie opened her phone, Metzi tapped her foot anxiously.

God, she really had to piss.

The brunette looked up at her, and showed her a photo.

"What is that?"

"That, was Ryan. On Saturday."

Ryan was her boyfriend of six years. An anxious cramping formed in her stomach at the mixture of his name and the tone of Malorie's voice. The photo she was now staring at made her want to vomit. Her stomach was now doing somersaults.

In the photo, it was indeed Ryan, in Metzi's own bed, with a mop of curly red hair under him. Most was covered by the sheets, but it was enough to come to the correct conclusion. He was clearly enjoying it too, judging by his face. Upon further inspection, she noticed something odd.

Grabbing the phone out of Malorie's hand, she zoomed in. On her nightstand, where a picture of the two usually sat, was now face down. While he fucked another woman in her bed, he turned her face down.

Tears pricked at her eyes, and she took a deep breath in.

What happened Saturday? She was home mostly all day, so when did he have time to do this?

"What—how did you get this?"

"I came to give you your present, and I heard something. Y'know since you gave me keys? I figured it was okay to come in, and your bedroom door was open. I knew Ryan would try to make me the liar, so I took a picture. He told me that if I told you," Malorie pursed her lips, "well he threatened to do something pretty fucked up."

"Holy fuck," Metzi whispered, "I just—I had no fucking clue. This entire time, and who knows how long he's been fucking her?"

One lonesome tear fell down her cheek. In anger or sadness, Malorie didn't know.

Opening her phone, she opened Ryan's contact. "Hey," Malorie whispered, her voice now soft. "If he tells you anything about me, promise you won't believe him?"

"Of course, you come first. Always."

She debated on whether or not to call him, but instead opted on a text.

I hope you enjoyed fucking merida, we're done. get your things out of my house by tomorrow. delete my number.

She wiped the tears from her eyes, and a smile adorned her face. Her bladder problems now the least of her concerns, she started back for the dressing room. Emmy now sat at the vanity, on her phone, and Vida and Wren were basically cuddling.

Surprised at the sudden intrustion, all eyes landed on the pair standing in the doorway.

"Ryan cheated on me, so now we're all single." Metzi gave nobody the chance to respond, as if anyone could think of what to say, and took a deep breath in.

"I haven't been fucked in months, and now I know why. So, I'm gonna get laid tonight, feel free to join me."

All seven of them had their faces beat to perfection, their outfits tailored and steamed of any wrinkles. They looked absolutely impeccable, as if the world around them kissed their feet. Hell, some reporters actually acted like that.

The members of BTS were now known worldwide, and it seemed that they were sought after by nearly everyone. Each member was so unique—so captivating in every aspect. Personalities somehow intertwine perfectly, yet polar opposites sometimes.

Proud but humble men, they basked in the warmth of positive attention. All eyes were on them for now, and they proudly understood it. As they walked on the red carpet of the music event, Yoongi and Jungkook both hated what they would be forced to do in mere minutes. As self-declared introverts, social interactions were about to start, and they honestly would rather sit in the corner and get this over with.

They would meet a few smaller artists, an occasional household name, (which they would fawn over for the rest of the night) and then be on their way. It would probably be in a few news articles, and some artists would insist on pictures, and they would be spread around within minutes. It was the same routine, and almost every time they would speak as little as possible, save for Namjoon, and would discuss it later. Hollywood was English dominated, and they despised it.

"Right now we only have to meet one group, and then we're okay for a few hours," Namjoon spoke quietly and quickly, and they piled off of the red carpet into a building. The hallways were scary, dark and empty, but a light above them quickly lit up.

To their surprise, the hallway was beautiful. The walls were an navy blue, white accents on top and bottom. Numerous gold paintings and records lined the walls, and it seemed to go on forever.

"Who is it we're supposed to be meeting? This hallway is a bit sketchy," Jimin perked up, and Namjoon chuckled. "WB,"

"Who is that?"

"I can't remember what their name stands for, but they sing that one song," Namjoon goes on to hum the tune to a familiar song that got pretty big, and all of the members start singing along. Of course, the lyrics are completely off and the tune is absolutely horrid, but they all recognize it vaguely.

All numbly following Namjoon, he was taking rough instructions from their manager to get there. This was not how it usually happened, but he had said something urgent came up. He had told Namjoon how to get there, and he knew that they were smart enough to make it without breaking a couple ligaments.

"Group? I thought it was one singer," Jin commented, and Taehyung nodded in agreement. "I would have never thought it was more than one. Are they American?"

"I guess we're going to find out," he snickered, and they all stopped at the corner. The door was slightly creaked open, and soft laughter could be heard. It was feminine, soft. It sounded like pure happiness was inside that door.

To double check, Namjoon eyed the sign on the door.

A large, black WB was written so even the partially blind could read. It was odd, the only dressing room out of probably at least a hundred, was all the way back, alone. They had no time to question it before Jin took a few strides forward, and boasted his English abilites.

"Come on-uh, guys."

The rest of them burst into laughter, and Namjoon quickly followed suit, knowing Jin would not be the prime candidate for introductions. He would simply utter a few English words, turn to Namjoon for help, and in panic, make a really bad play on words in Korean.

Timidly, Namjoon's knuckles rapped on the already-open door, accidentally pushing it further open a bit. "Come in!"

They were met with three girls stuffing their faces with chocolate cake, and another laying on the floor, fiddling with a.. flip-phone?

Jin grimaced at the reminder, glad it wasn't pink.

All eyes awkwardly met at the realization, and two of the three muffling down cake choked a bit. "Emmy, I thought you said 5:30?" Malorie was the one to ask, but none of the boys knew that.

"It is 5:30,"

The cake was swallowed within seconds, the flip-phone was now laying on the table, untouched. Four girls scrambled up simultaneously, and watched as the rest of the men piled in. An awkward stout of silence followed, and this so called Emmy, rose and met the boys first.

She had a firm grip, and introduced herself as their manager. The situation was humorous to say the least, these girls who could pass off as teenagers, were standing in single file in shame. The first was a beautiful girl with a large afro, and she kept a tight smile. She did not know who they were, nor did she really care. She introduced herself as Wren.

Next, was a taller woman, who seemed a hint older, with large winged eyeliner. She was Vida. Jin's first instinct was that she reminded him of him, she was definitely the oldest. Then, a smaller girl with a thick smile and soft curls was next. Soft hands, gentle grip. Her name was Malorie.

The last, was a young woman with blonde hair. Realistically, she didn't have any defining features besides her hair, she was the average American-looking girl. She introduced herself as Metzi, and to their surprise, bowed.

"It's really nice to meet you guys," Emmy let out a soft chuckle, and Namjoon nodded tightly. "Are you performing tonight?" It was Malorie who had asked, a soft question. "Yes, actually,"

"I heard you are as well," Namjoon replied, hoping to end the small talk quickly. "Yes we are! I'm surprised you've heard of us, I mean we're not huge."

She wasn't lying, but they definitely weren't small, either. Sixth biggest girlgroup of all time by album sales just behind TLC. Thirtieth on the most followed Spotify artist. Their debut album was certified Gold in six countries. Humble was the key to success, though.

"I'm not sure how big they are in the States, but aren't they pretty well known in Korea?" Yoongi spoke, but of course he wasn't talking to the girls, he was talking to his bandmates. He also spoke in Korean, which is why he nearly had a heart attack when a very feminine voice responded in Korean as well.

"We're big in Korea? I knew we were pretty well known in Japan, but I never really knew about that," It was the blonde one, Metzi. All seven members were in shock, the way she spoke it so effortlessly. If she didn't look the way she did, she could pass off as Native Korean by language alone.

"I know South Korea is very conservative and insistent upon how they operate things, and we're probably the farthest thing from it. I just was under the impression that we didn't fit the mold to do well there," Metzi continued talking, and Wren, Vida and Malorie had absolutely no clue what was going on or being discussed.

Had this been in Spanish, all the girls could have participated. Metzi just insisted on learning Korean, though.

They didn't seem too bothered, though, instead more humored.

"She's been waiting to use that one, huh?" Vida whispered, laughing lightly. "You're not wrong, Korea is known to be very conservative, however, that doesn't mean you have to fit stereotypes to break Korea or any other Asian country for that matter," Namjoon spoke in English this time, and finally the other three girls got a whiff of the conversation.

"We are the farthest thing from ideal boy-groups in America, and we broke it for the most part. Obviously a lot of it is due to our fan base, but point still stands." Seokjin broke in, the conversation now half Korean, half English.

"Good to know," Metzi said softly, a grin on her face.

"How did you learn Korean?" Taehyung spoke up in curiousity, and crinkled his eyes. "I started learning a few years ago before we kind of blew up, and when we visited Korea a few times, I just picked it up a bit. Still a lot I don't know, but I can speak pretty fluently now."

Taehyung nodded in understanding, silently applauding her ability to simply pick up on a language. He doesn't think he will ever gain fluency in English, no matter how hard he'd try. It was a lot harder than he imagined it to be.

"I'm gonna be honest, from media portrayals you guys are made out to be asshats, but you seem pretty down to Earth. Nice to know the fame doesn't get to your head, you know?"

Now it was Wren speaking, and a few snickers sounded from Jungkook and Jimin's mouth. "Asshat," Jimin repeated softly, and they broke into more laughter.

"We appreciate that, thank you. Ignore them," Hoseok spoke this time, a large smile adorning his face. "We will watch your performance tonight, and cheer you on."

"Ditto," Metzi responded in English this time, and Hobi's eyes crinkled in confusion. "Same to you," she clarified in Korean, and he nodded.

They said their goodbyes, and Metzi told all the girls to bow. Namjoon and Vida had a brief talk, and it was no time before BTS and WB were now separate, discussing the events that had just taken place.

The talk of the night was the mysterious blonde girl who spoke fluent Korean.

taglist: @princessoftheroad <3

#kth #kim taehyung #taehyung fic #taehyung fluff #taehyung smut #taehyung x oc #bts smut #bts fluff #bts fic #bts x oc #perrie edwards #little mix #min yoongi #jung hoseok #jeon jungkook #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #park jimin

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free-pool-trash · 4 years

Text

folklore - isaac lahey {2/?}

part two because i just couldn’t wait lmao! this chapter focuses a lot on the reader but there is some cute isaac moments in there too because i wanted there to be more to the story than just reader and isaac’s relationship <33 this part is kinda just setting stuff up tho so dw!

platonic derek x reader in this part :) and isaac ofc

please let me know what u think :)

word count: 4.4k

warnings: swearing, mentions of blood, i think that’s it???? let me know if i misses anything <3

my taglist is still pretty wishy washy for this so i’m gonna tag the people who enjoyed part one, thanks for all the lovely feedback <3

Taglist: @makeusfreefromthisfandom, @cece-lives-here, @chocolate-raspberries, @belsandthings let me know if you’d like to be added or removed <3

PART 1

PART 3

Endless thoughts plagued your mind as you wandered through the crowded halls. It barely registered with you that Derek could be home and not bother to check in, although maybe it was for the best, you were pretty sure that he was still a wanted man- for a crime you were also sure he didn't commit. You knew Derek, despite the fact that you weren't related by blood you saw each other as family, you knew how he treated his family, it was what he treasured above all else and there was absolutely no way in hell that he had burned his whole family tree to ash.

He and his uncle Peter were the only Hale's left as far as you knew, however saying that Peter was "alive" seemed like a bit of a reach. The man who used to tell you stories and sneak you candy whenever he saw you was completely immobilized now, scarred to the point of being almost unrecognizable, he couldn't talk, he could barely move, he was even being fed through a tube.

Peter was a particularly close friend of your father's, he'd always made you refer to him as 'uncle Peter' and the man did the title justice treating you like one of his own. And while you called him Uncle Peter, he- and the rest of the Hale's- always called you something different; "The littlest of the pack" though you never understood why the family had such an obsession with being known as a pack, you were more than delighted to know that they considered you part of it.

When you were old enough you started volunteering at the hospital which held Peter and after six months of hard work, sweeping hallways and helping the overworked nurses they finally bumped you up to keeping patients company. Since you were still in school you were mostly at the hospital at night and on Sunday mornings, the same time as your favourite nurse, Melissa, who always assigned you to Peter when she was manning the same ward as you. To be honest it was rough seeing him in such a state, it was as though everyone you loved seemed to struggle- the thought alone always made you choke up, made you wish you had some kind of power to take it all away, to make everything better. But you didn't, so you simply read to him, told him about what was happening in the news, stories about what was happening at school as Peter was always one for a good scoop of gossip, you even confided in him about the sharp sting you felt in your chest whenever someone you cared about was in pain, himself included. The logical thing would've been to simply stop visiting him but if you did then he'd barely have any human interaction for the rest of his life and ignoring the fact that he couldn't show it, you knew deep down that he could hear you, felt that he appreciated your visits.

Without even realizing where your feet had been carrying you, too lost in thought to notice, you found yourself nearing Isaac's locker, the boy himself hunched by it, his face hidden by the blue metal door. It was easy to forget over the weekend and after hanging out alone how shy Isaac was, he was a completely different person around you, he was loud, granted he still wasn't as loud as you but he certainly knew how to find his voice, he stood straighter as opposed to how the tall boy stood in the school hallways. To you he stood out, in a perfectly beautiful way, you often chastised him for not giving himself enough credit, always asking if he'd ever even looked in a mirror. Even with your endless compliments that made him blush every time without fail, Isaac still chose to blend in, but you didn't blame him- you blamed his asshole of a father for making him believe he was anything less than wonderful.

It was no secret that Isaac was taller than the average teen in Beacon Hills standing at six foot one, which meant he gave incredible hugs but it also meant he tried his very best to fold into himself in larger crowds and he regularly walked with his head down as to not draw attention to himself, even standing at his locker he bowed his head.

Shaking off your thoughts you walked up to your best friends side, tugging his sleeve softly to alert him of your presence before wrapping your arms around him, enveloping him in a side hug and allowing your head to rest against his arm while he wriggled it out of your grasp to wrap around your waist more comfortably, not paying his burning cheeks and racing heart any mind as he shifted his gaze from organizing his books to the girl clinging to him with a pout on her face, "What's up, buttercup?"

Nuzzling your head further into his side you let out a dramatic sigh, "I heard from Scott that Derek is back in Beacon." Isaac felt his eyebrow raising at the mention of both names, Scott's because you seemed to be hearing a lot of things from him in the last couple of days and at Derek's because he was pretty sure you hadn't seen him in years.

"How would McCall know if Derek's in town? Isn't he pretty much your cousin?" Isaac asked, thumb moving soothingly against your hip as you melted into him, shoulders slumping sadly and your pout only becoming more prominent. His voice sounded slightly aggravated at the mention of Scott but you thought nothing of it, thankfully. Isaac didn't want this to turn into a conversation about his petty jealousy.

"Forget cousin he was more like my big brother. That's what's got me so twisted! Why would he come home and not even bother to check in?" You murmured grumpily against the fabric of the flannel Isaac was sporting instead of his usual cardigan, which reminded you that he couldn't have worn his usual cardigan because you'd forgotten to give it back to him the night before and sported it yourself. The comfy grey material hugging your shoulders as you hugged the boy that the item of clothing actually belonged to.

"When did McCall say he saw him?" Isaac inquired, sorting his books with one hand.

"Yesterday."

"Alright well that wasn't too long ago maybe he's planning on checking in today?" He suggested, finishing up at his locker and throwing his bag over his shoulder, dropping his hand from your hip and sliding it into yours, interlocking your fingers and giving you a comforting squeeze before he began leading you towards the school's double doors, the last class of the day having already ended.

Letting out another sigh you only nodded, swinging your interlocked hands between you as you walked towards the exit.

"I promised my dad I'd finish a plot at the cemetery so he'd let me come over tonight so I'm gonna be a little bit late." Isaac broke the silence, looking at you with an expression that was mixed with disappointment and exhaustion, "That's okay." You offered, squeezing his hand as he'd done yours earlier.

"Do you want a ride home?" You asked him, nodding your head toward your beat up, second hand car that the pair of you had already made several memories in since you got it almost a year ago for your sixteenth birthday.

The brown haired boy only shook his head, giving you a soft smile and nodding towards the bike racks, "Nah, I brought my bike today."

Nodding in understanding, you leaned up and pecked his cheek while you let go of his hand, "Alright. Since you're gonna be late I'll pick up the movie for tonight myself. You just meet me at my place whenever you're ready, Kay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Letting out a soft laugh he watched you walk to your car, already missing your warmth beside him.

The first thing you noticed upon pulling into your driveway was the slick black car that was parked beside your mother's blue one, in your usual spot. The car was new and you didn't recognize it, you quirked an eyebrow, putting your car in park behind your mother's, grabbed your school bag from the passenger seat and got out with a slam of the door.

As you entered the house you were met with the sound of voices floating from the kitchen, picking up on the hushed conversation as you made your way towards the three voices, "You need to tell her." One said, a man. "It's too soon." Another sounded, you recognized the voice to belong to your father. "No, he's right, if what he says is true she's going to get caught up in it either way. Especially now the Argent's are in town." That was your mother. Your eyebrows furrowed, you could only assume that the 'she' they were talking about was you but what you didn't understand was what exactly they were debating telling you and why it had anything to do with the Argent's, were they talking about the Allison girl who had just joined your class?

You pushed open the kitchen door, eyebrows knitted tightly together, your brain taking a second to catch up with who your eyes were seeing, "Derek."

The name left your lips in barely a whisper when your eyes landed on the dark haired man leaning against your kitchen counter with a small smile playing on his lips as he greeted you, "Hey, kid."

Without wasting anymore time you launched yourself forward, arms wrapping around Derek's middle as he let out a sigh, his own arms moving around you slowly to reciprocate your action with a tight squeeze.

"I missed you!" You exclaimed punching the older man in the shoulder once you detached from the hug, expression turning accusing after a moment prompting Derek to purse his lips and brace himself, he knew that look, he hadn't seen it in a while but he knew it. That was your "I've got a bone to pick with you" look, Derek had to fight off the smile that threatened to grow on his lips when he realized that this particular look hadn't changed since you were five years old.

"Do you want to tell me why Scott McCall got to see you before I did?" The man under fire let out a defeated sigh, "If it makes you feel any better I would've rathered it be you that I bumped into." He responded halfheartedly, letting out a huff you turned towards your parents who were sat at the dining table.

"What were you guys talking about before I came in?" You questioned, feeling nervous as the three adults suddenly went rigid, glancing between each other before Derek nodded his head in your father's direction, silently encouraging him to tell you what they'd been discussing earlier.

Letting out a heavy exhale through his nose your father motioned for you to sit down in the chairs across from him, Derek moving to sit beside your father in front of you as you did. "This is going to be hard to believe but I need you to keep an open mind while we explain, alright?" You only managed a nod of your head, nerves ever-growing as you waited for someone to elaborate on whatever they were about to tell you.

"You've heard of werewolves haven't you?"

"Sure." You responded confused, the question seemed out of place in what you assumed was to be a serious conversation.

"Well they're real." Your father responded. You couldn't stop the snort that left your mouth, breaking out into a fit of giggles before you noticed the three adults before you looking at you with absolutely no trace of amusement. "Wait you're serious?!" Your eyes almost bugged out of your head as Derek's eyes flashed blue and he bared his teeth in response to your exclamation.

"...So the howling Scott said he heard in the woods?" You trailed off, eyes wide as Derek nodded his head, "it was a werewolf."

"You?"

"No. An alpha."

Eyes never leaving Derek, you posed another question, "Is this why you're family called themselves a pack?"

The man nodded, not being able to get a word in edgewise while you continued to fire out question after question, "You guys always said I was the littlest of the pack does that mean-" Your mother cut you off with a light chuckle, "No babe, you're not a werewolf." A sigh of relief left you when you slumped back against the kitchen chair, a small twinge of disappointment flooding through you, that would've been cool.

"You may not be a wolf genetically but you're still a member of our pack." Derek assured you, sensing your disappointment. "Are they in the pack too?" You inquired, glancing quickly at your parents before returning your gaze to Derek.

"No. Just you." You couldn't lie and say the statement didn't make you feel special but still, it confused you, "Why not?"

It was your mother's turn to speak now, giving the werewolf a break from your constant curiosity.

"Back before the fire your dad and I had a certain role to play in Beacon Hills," she started, reaching for your hand before she continued, "from the minute you were born you bonded with almost everyone in the Hale house, we didn't understand it completely but we assumed it was because of how close me and your dad were to them. I guess they kind of saw you as their newest cub after Cora." Derek chuckled, chiming in with a quiet, "More like runt of the little." Giving him a glare you kicked his shin under the table while he laughed and you nodded for your mother to keep going.

"Anyway, as you already know me and your dad met in college- studying Mythology. We uncovered supernatural occurrence after supernatural occurrence and those supernatural occurrences eventually led us here, to the Hale's." She told you, looking to your father for him to continue, he cleared his throat before speaking, "We got caught up in it, built a huge repertoire of supernatural entities, including werewolves, I met Peter and we made a truce, ended up becoming best friends in the process."

Nodding your head slowly you spoke up again, "So you guys were like… their supernatural encyclopedia?"

"Pretty much." Derek answered.

"Okayyyy… but that still doesn't answer my question, why am I in the pack and not you guys?" You posed the question to your father who looked at your mother nervously.

"When you were four things got messy, really messy," Derek scoffed, rolling his eyes muttering "understatement of the century" under his breath as your father went on, "Your mother got captured by hunters, Chris Argent and his little gang of merry men." He tensed his jaw, saying the name through clenched teeth before composing himself, "So your uncle Peter made the executive decision to initiate you into the pack to make absolutely sure that nobody would get their hands on you."

"Why?" The three of them erupted into laughs at the look on your face, Derek opting to answer the question, "I don't know how you did it but you had him completely wrapped around your finger. Peter is the most selfish person I've ever met but he would've sooner died himself than let anyone touch a hair on your head. As part of a pack members protect each other at all costs. With you officially a member it meant that we were bonded to you, you were one of us." The mention of Peter made you smile, not that you'd admit it to Derek but you felt the newly exposed pack bond strongest with Peter, the dots only connecting in your head now years later. Derek picking up on your train of thought spoke up, "That's why you can't bring yourself to stop visiting him."

Your mother's voice cut in again, "Those four crescent scars on the back of your neck are from Peter, it's how he marked you as a member without actually turning you." She explained, your hand absentmindedly rubbed the nape of your neck, fingers tracing deftly over the scars that you often forgot about.

"I know it's a lot to digest but there's one more thing." Derek sighed, a slight feeling of guilt growing within him for having to dump this on you all at once. When you didn't say anything, only looked at him he continued, "The hunters who kidnapped your mother, well they're back."

Anxiety bubbled up in your stomach as you whipped your head to your mom, "Are they gonna try take her again?" Your voice was bordering on sounding manic, Derek's voice quelling your worried before you had a panic attack.

"No. I don't think so at least. It's me and the alpha they're after, and- I trust you not to tell anyone this- your friend Scott too." Your eyes widened yet again, Scott was a werewolf? That must have been why he was seeking Derek out earlier today, "That's why he was looking for you isn't it?" You voiced your thoughts, Derek rose an eyebrow in response, "Looking for me?" You nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, today in school, he and Stilinski started asking me a bunch of questions about why you were here- I told them I'd help them find you." You clarified, trying not to laugh at the exhausted look that came over Derek's face when the name Stilinski fell from your lips.

"Tell him to meet me in the woods later. I need him to help find the alpha." Derek instructed, watching contently as you pulled your phone out of your pocket and began texting Scott, thankful you'd gotten his number.

You: I'm with Derek

You: He wanted me to tell you to meet him in the woods later

Scott: When is later?

"When is later?" You voiced, not looking up from your phone, "After dark." Derek answered and you laughed, "Alright, Bruce Wayne."

You: He says "after dark"

Scott: :/ cryptic much

You: Best I could do wolfie

Scott: He told you??????

You: Yep, I'll fill you in tomorrow there's a lot to unpack here…

Scott: Please don't tell anybody

You: Your secret is safe with me don't worry

With that you set your phone down in front of you, before something crossed your mind, "Wait you said Argent earlier right?" Derek nodded, your mother and father having moved from the table, preparing food in the kitchen.

"Allison Argent just started at my school, I'm pretty sure Scott has a crush on her actually." You informed, shrugging your shoulders lightly, picking up your phone when it buzzed and missing the way Derek rolls his eyes.

Isaac: I'll be over at 7 <3

You: Great what movie do you want me to get?

Isaac: Ladies choice ;)

You: Hope you like Legally Blonde xoxoxo

Isaac: Seriously again?

You: You said my choice no take backs, love you <3333333

The time was 5:45pm and the sky had turned from blue to black, you assumed Derek would be heading off to stress Scott out soon enough so you stood from the table and grabbed your jacket, "I'm gonna go rent a DVD for me and Isaac, you guys need anything?" You directed towards your parents who were messing around in the kitchen like teenagers causing you to roll your eyes but smile.

"Huh? No we're okay. When is lover boy coming?" Your father asked, wiggling his eyebrows at you, laughing at how you groaned, "Stop calling my best friend 'loverboy' one of these days you're gonna slip up and call him that to his face and he'll literally die of embarrassment on the spot!" You yelled, cheeks burning and expecting your mother to come to your defense only to have her laugh along with your father, "Yeah, don't talk about your future son in law like that."

"God, you two are the worst. Derek tell them to stop harassing my friendships." The dark haired man rose an eyebrow from his seat, a strict look on his face, "She's too young for a boyfriend."

"Thanks, Derek. That was absolutely not helpful at all, but thank you." You muttered, grabbing your car keys and heading out the door.

You loved your parents, adored them, they raised you incredibly- that didn't mean they didn't annoy the hell out of you sometimes, though. They had about fifty names that they liked to call Isaac instead of his actual name, the most popular being "loverboy", "heart eyes", or your mother's personal favorite "future son in law." You supposed it was good that they liked him enough to consider him a future son in law, however, it was pretty insensitive when they could clearly see that you were painfully in love with him and fighting with inner turmoil because of it.

After a five minute drive you pulled up to the video store, stepping out and noticing Lydia Martin in the car next to you, you made brief eye contact with the strawberry blonde and the pair of you exchanged friendly smiles before you entered the store. Lydia was nice but you noticed she wore a facade around school, more specifically around Jackson. You remembered quite vividly how she shot Isaac down rather brutally back in freshman year. He'd only asked her out to prove a point to you, you couldn't remember what now but you'd gotten in some form of argument and the resolution you'd come to was that he prove himself and ask someone out, that someone happened to be Lydia. He didn't really like her but the whole debacle did significantly bruise his ego.

Of course, wherever Lydia Martin is Jackson Whittemore was never far away. You almost laughed when the first thing you heard after walking into the store was the jock shouting about not being able to find "The Notebook".

"It's over there." You chimed in, alerting him of your presence and pointing straight ahead of him towards the movie he was searching for.

Nodding thankfully the blonde made his way toward the far shelf while you walked to the other side of the store.

Despite being across the room, Jackson's gasp sounded clearly making you nearly jump out of your skin. Placing a hand on your rapidly beating heart you just shook your head and let out a long breath. You were probably just hearing things, your mind concocting noises to psych you out after learning the new information about the supernatural, Jackson's gasp had absolutely nothing to do with the snarls you thought you were hearing from behind you.

You had yourself convinced you were just hearing things. That was until the snarls became mingled with hot, slobbery breaths that hit the nape of your neck, shocking you into spinning yourself around. You couldn't help the yelp of fear that left your lips when your eyes met beaming red orbs… the eyes- they weren't human.

What you were looking at you could only describe as a beast. A wolf. The ability you usually possessed to control your breathing left you as you heaved, continuing to stumble back as the creature took steps forward until your back hit a row of shelves painfully. DVDs crashing to the floor in your wake.

The creature was face to face with you now, snout coming in contact with your nose as it's demonic eyes bored into your soul. It snarled as you felt your heart rate increase, it was going so fast you were half scared it would detach from it's blood vessels. Everything about the creature scared you, from its eyes, to it's snarl, to its fangs baring in your face, but what frightened you the most was that you felt like you knew it. There was a familiarity with it and you could not for the life of you explain it but you could feel it.

The scream that left you when the beast finally lunged for you with snapping jaws shook the store as the wolf sunk its teeth into the soft tissue of where your shoulder connects to your neck. The pain you felt was as blinding as the eyes that stared at you, the beast raised it's hair covered paw in the air, fully intent of swiping the last remnants of life from your now limp form before it suddenly stopped, looking at you with so much uncertainty. Not getting a chance to analyze the new look on the things hairy face the creature resumed its position on all fours then crashed out of the store window.

"(L/n)?!" Jackson whisper shouted, from around the corner, only seeing your legs peeking out from behind a row of shelves as he made his way over to you, his movements jittery. You tried to call out but your voice failed you, you kicked your legs out weakly to let him know where you were, not knowing he was already rushing towards you.

"Christ… ok just stay awake I'm calling the police right now." The blond, who you'd never known to care for anything other than himself, spoke frantically- shaking as he pulled out his phone.

Your hearing faded in and out as Jackson shouted at law enforcement over the phone. Tilting your head to the side, very painfully, you began to panic once you noticed the gaping bite that had been taken out of your neck, you whimpered pathetically at the sight of your entire shoulder, neck and hair drenched in blood, your blood. Your panic seemed to rub off on Jackson as he noticed your breath becoming heavier and heavier by the second, tears falling down your face as you stared at your injury in fear.

It was just then that sirens wailed from outside, this eased Jackson's nerves, the boy, you had to hand it to him, didn't leave your side until you were safely in an ambulance- your nerves however were still fried, panic growing by the second as strangers fretted around you, yelling orders at each other and pushing painfully against your wounds. Calm didn't settle over you until one of the medics injected you with a needle, you didn't have a clue what was in it and you didn't have time to theorize as your world turned black.

#isaac lahey x reader #isaac lahey imagine #teen wolf x reader #isaac lahey

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flameohotfamily · 3 years

Note

I love all your fics and HC’s. After reading Maiko ff for nearly ten years I finally decided to write some of my own and it’s not getting responded to much. Any advice on if I should keep it up or quit while I’m ahead?

OMG, dear anon <3333333333333

I'm... speechless? Thank you so much! Sending you virtual bear hugs!!!!!

I tell you what. I had been writing my first original story a few years ago, in my second language (not English, hah), and it took me around a year to write it, nearly 400 pages (almost a novel). I posted new chapters every week, I replied to every comment, every mention, I researched every drop of information and read a lot to have a good vocabulary. What do you think how many likes or comments I gained?

About a year after finishing it (plus the whole year I've been writing it and it was free to read at any time), I gained 62 likes under my story. A whole year!! Someone gains 62 likes in one day from a first chapter. Do you think I felt inspired, or creative, or talented?

With my first maiko fic it was even harder, my English level is still low and definitely was on the bottom in spring, and I was so so so scared to post it. Perhaps, in my native language my text would float like a river, in English I tried to write it at least grammarly correct (I failed even with this, seriously, my brain slowly breaks every time when I read something harder than Present Perfect) lol. And what do we have? Almost the same story, I mean, none of my fics has at least 100 kudos even now. Maybe you asked a wrong person for advice after all.

I become upset when I notice a mistake in my writing, I get frustrated every time when I read gorgeously written fics or stories (not because they are written gorgeously, but because I cannot write like this and I feel like a complete failure), I'm angry at myself every time when I cannot write at least a line for a new chapter. I guess, I might know how you feel sometimes.

But all of this is... strangely okay. Writing is a process, it's your learning and growth. Your mistakes, your frustration, your critical view of your texts, your insomnia at 4 a.m. when you have weird inspiration, your sitting in front of your notebook or laptop waiting for some creativity from above, your tired amused smile when you see a short comment under your work.

There is a great quote from one Talmudic sage, Hillel the Elder: “The shy man will not learn; the impatient man should not teach.” And I think it describes a lot of things perfectly. I know it takes courage to start, to write, it takes courage to post your work, it takes courage to read a comment from some critic who tears to pieces the text that you've been carefully writing for three weeks or even more. It takes courage. And you already did a good job and made great efforts by writing something and posting it, and I'm very very proud of you!!! You stepped outside from your comfort zone, you stepped over your shyness and insecurity, you're learning and it's... it's awesome!!!

I tell you honestly, yesterday I wanted to delete my modern au fic because I have no inspiration, motivation or power to continue it. Last week I wanted to delete this blog because I felt exhausted and I saw all of it as a useless waste of time (I mean, how many 20 y.o. make a whole blog about two cartoons? In this era of productivity and glowing up and making your own business from everything?). I burned out some time ago, and I'm still recovering from it. Some of my readers ask me when they can expect a new chapter, and I have no answer. Because I literally force myself to write and it doesn't feel right. I still get upset when my text is not smooth and beautiful, when I cannot find the words, or I simply don't know the grammar, I still doubt that I might sound ridiculous and no one talks like that (no one speaks English in my surroundings, so it's a kind of challenge), I still feel an urge to delete all of it. Or start to write in my native language at least, because personally for me it takes so much time to create something in English.

But the whole point of writing is that you should enjoy what you're doing. As long as you love writing in general, your texts and these characters, I think you should continue. Maybe write only for yourself, maybe for those five readers who would read everything that your mind would ever create, maybe for a big audience of your followers. Even if no one ever would appreciate it or comment it, I think you should write.

Take your time, rest some time, don't exhaust yourself, make something you're usually enjoying doing, whether it to listen to your favorite music, or reread your favorite book, or drink your favorite coffee/tea. And open a new page. Maybe you would write only one new line for a whole day or week, maybe you would write a chapter during one evening, who knows. But don't stop writing and don't give up on yourself so easily. Even a small step is progress, and even one kudos/like/comment means that someone somewhere spent their time reading your texts. Maybe you should quit it for some time, but please don't act too harshly and wipe everything out. Take days off, think about it, remind yourself why do you love this ship and why did you feel a desire to write about them, remember which positive emotions maiko or other ships/shows/stories etc. bring personally to you. Maybe you just need a break (I have a break right now, it's okay, it's refreshing).

Our maiko fandom is a tiny island between large oceans of other pairings (you know what I mean, since you're far longer in this fandom than me). We're small and unpopular, and underrated and even bashed sometimes. So I genuinely feel happy and grateful when I see new maiko content!! That's why I'm trying to support everyone who creates something new, or just appreciates it with kind words and positive vibes. What I'm trying to say, you are appreciated and welcomed, and it's great and wonderful that you decided to make a contribution into maiko family/nation/fandom or how you used to call it.

I know that perhaps I sound too motivational and supportive, but when I say it, I truly mean it - I'm ready to support every new maiko creator!! Because that's what some people here did and are doing for me, because that's what we're all supposed to do. Support and encourage each other. I wish I'd known who you are and seen your works, anon. Please feel free to write me here on in messages (don't be scared or embarrassed, I'm just like you!!!), and share your work. Write me, any of you, guys. I'm not a writer, I haven't written a masterpiece, I'm not a good advisor, but I'm ready to support you and help you to spread more maiko and your writings, and even share some of my experience if it might be helpful.

I hope I answered to your question. I feel so so honored and complimented that you've written me, so thank you!! Hope it helped, at least a little.

Send you, dear anon, and all the maiko shippers a lot of inspiration and positive thoughts. I bet you all are super talented and creative and deserve only the best things. Enjoy your writings and the process of creating, and don't be too hard on yourself because you're incredible <33

#flameohotfamily answers #flameohotfamily writing #flameohotfamily opinions #flameohotfamily blog #flameohotfamily maiko #tw writing issues #tw burnout #tw insecurity #maiko fandom #maiko fanfiction #maiko writing #motivational speech lol #hillel

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saiilorstars · 3 years

Text

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 33: Secret Detectives

Previous chapters // Montserrat's masterlist

Fandom: SVU // Pairing: Rafael Barba x OFC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles @averyhotchner [If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ` 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: Montserrat does the opposite of what Calhoun begs her to do. She and Damian are on the same page when it comes to Gael's trial.

"Hey, where's your brother?" Montserrat startled Kara just as the woman was about to put on lipstick. Instead of going on her lips, like a normal person would do, it went over her cheek.

"Montse!" the blonde huffed and threw Montserrat a glare for her imprudence, not that the detective noticed.

"What?"

Kara gestured at her red-stained face. "I have a lunch date with Sonny!"

"Oh please," the detective snorted and looked away. "He's in too deep to notice any flaws in you."

"While that is both lovely and stress-relieving, I still like looking nice," Kara got up from her vanity desk's chair and went in search for a makeup removal wipe around the room.

"Okay but seriously, have you got any news on Damian? He texted me this morning saying that he might have found a clue of where that missing security feed video went but he hasn't texted me anything else."

"So why would he text me?" huffed Kara again. She'd found her makeup removal wipes and had returned to the vanity desk. She leaned close to the mirror in order to strategically remove only the lipstick smudge and not her entire makeup.

"Because I'm desperate and hopeful, what else?"

Kara mockingly glared through the mirror.

"So?" the detective went on like nothing. "Did he happen to text you?"

"No," sighed Kara. "And if he does, I will call you straightaway. I promise."

"Thanks," Montserrat said and moved to leave only to stop by the doorway to look back. "And why are you putting on so much make up anyways? You're going to be stuffing your face with food."

"Get out!" Kara pointed, making Montserrat laughed. She could hear Montserrat's laughter even as the woman left, but Kara secretly decided she would much rather have this version of her best friend than the totally depressed version she had not too long ago. She wasn't sure what it was that changed - since Gael was still on trial - but Kara was thankful that something did change.

~ 0 ~

The last thing Rafael expected to see in his office in the middle of the day was Montserrat comfortably sitting at his desk, in his chair. "What...are you doing…?" he closed the door behind him, not that it would matter since Carmen had the day off. He'd be in trials all day today.

"I own your office now," Montserrat waved him off as most of her focus was on her laptop in front of her.

"No, I'm pretty sure you don't," Rafael countered as he walked up to his desk, but even him putting his briefcase down with a loud thud wasn't enough to startle Montserrat out of his chair.

"I seem to recall that yesterday you said I owned you so-" she looked up with a big smile on her face, a sarcastic one at that, "-I own the office now too. So could you please…" she made a gesture for him to actually leave the office.

"I did not say you owned me, I said..." Rafael cleared his throat when he remembered the moment he uttered similar words to the ones Montserrat was saying. It involved a lot of kissing in which he might have lost some of his lucidity. "I said: 'You might have me wrapped around your finger.' Emphasis on the 'might'."

Montserrat still smirked at him, quite proudly too. "It's amazing what I can get you to say when these-" she tapped her finger over her lips, "-are at work."

Rafael didn't know whether to laugh or snap. He'd been in more puzzled states this week alone than he had been over any case he ever handled. But he liked it. A lot. "Get out of my chair," he instructed, though smiling now, "And stop being so sarcastic. I have a short lunch break today."

"I know, those cases Olivia has me reading to catch up are terrible," Montserrat leaned back on his chair. "I'm swamped in files and when I'm not doing that I'm tailing after Damian and going to my brother's trials. So, you want to try again and tell me to get up from this comfortable chair?"

Rafael rolled his eyes. "No, I guess not."

Montserrat smugly smiled at him. "I wouldn't have been able to get away with this-" she rubbed her hands over the chair's arm-rest, "-if I wasn't kissing you every so often now, huh?" Not too long ago he was snapping at her to stop sitting over his desk.

Rafael decided to skip her moment of high ego. His break was truly short. "You're extra smug today - is there a new development in your brother's trial?" he moved around the desk and tapped the top of her laptop.

"Sort of," she straightened up in the chair. "Damian said this morning that he may have gotten a clue of where the missing security camera video went, but he hasn't updated me. I want to go down there and find it myself already. It's agonizing waiting."

"You do that and you ruin your brother. Is that what you want?"

"...no."

"Then what do you think you should do?"

"...wait," Montserrat answered in a low mutter.

"There you go. Now get out of my chair."

Montserrat rolled her eyes but this time she listened and stood up. "Is there something I should know about that chair, or…?"

"Yes, it's my chair. And...it's my chair," he said dead serious, thinking it was a fairly good reason.

She shut her laptop down and switched spots with him so he could finally take his seat. "While I'm here, I just have to ask something really quick. And I wouldn't ask because...I know this-" she gestured between herself and him, "-is brand new. Like 3 days new, but…"

"You could get on with it before lunch is over, you know."

Her expression went flat. "I have to make sure we're on the same page, okay? Kara's noticed I'm a bit more…" her left hand went in circles while she came up with the right word, "...happier?"

Rafael's expression immediately turned into a smug smile. "Really?"

"Shut up," Montserrat pointed at him. She didn't want that smug look to stay on his face forever, because she was sure he could do that.

"I didn't say anything-"

"-but your face says it all. But being really serious here, I didn't tell her anything."

"Montserrat, I never told you to keep it a secret-"

"-I know, I know," She folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the desk. "I would just like to know...where exactly we stand."

"You mean telling people or not?"

"Aha."

"That depends solely on you," Rafael rose from his chair, giving her a small smile. He was fairly amused by her sudden nervousness. "I have no problem letting anyone know to stay away from you- I mean that we're together."

Montserrat shot him a look. But even if she wanted to pretend to be annoyed at the comment, she couldn't because she felt the same way towards him. She didn't want anyone else going near him.

But then again…

"Well," she pushed herself away from the desk and stepped closer to him, "I kind of like this right now. No one really knows except for Sonny but he's an easy one to keep quiet."

"You mean because you'll scare him to death?"

"Yes," she grinned then leaned on him with her hands on his chest. "I really like how you think."

"Really? Because that's not what you used to say," he curled his hands over hers. "In fact, it was just one of the many things you used to hate about me. Like my attitude…"

"Still hate that, actually."

"And my voice…"

"Only just getting past it, really."

"And my mouth…"

"Still hate that," Montserrat wiggled one of her hands from his to tap one finger over his lips. "I really hate it, to be honest."

"Oh, you still do?" Rafael gingerly pulled her finger off his lips and wrapped his hand over hers entirely. Now he could truly relish in her warmth and her softness — these 3 days, though casual so far, had made him feel the best he'd ever been in such a long time.

"I still do," Montserrat tried pulling her hand from his but he had a tight grip on it.

"I guess I still have some work to do, then," Rafael brought her hand to his lips for a soft kiss.

"Work hard then," Montserrat chuckled. She watched as he wrapped one arm around her waist while his other hand freely went up and down her side. She actually hated that he had this effect on her when he wasn't really doing anything except touching her. What irritated her more was that she had yet to find something that gave him the same feeling. Yes, he did clearly enjoy their time together these past days but Montserrat felt like there could be more feelings than what he expressed.

In layman's terms, she felt like she needed to figure out what made him tick. That way, she could drive him crazy...like he drove her crazy.

Just as they shared one kiss, Montserrat's cellphone started buzzing in her pocket. "Sorry," she pulled the phone out and saw it was a text. "Gael's case. Damian thinks he might have found the place where the video's hidden. I have to run."

"Uh, is it...is it just going to be you and him?" Rafael really hoped that question didn't sound as awkward as he thought it did. He fully blamed Sonny for putting that idea into his head, but then he remembered what he saw in the courthouse 3 days ago and…

Sonny may have been right.

And he may have been jealous.

Montserrat still didn't have a clue about it, so she just nodded and casually answered the question with a 'yeah'. "Casey's meeting us afterwards."

"Ah."

Montserrat stuffed her laptop into her bag then noticed his unusual quietness. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rafael went to take his seat again, but even that movement was unusually shifty.

Montserrat's eyebrows wrinkled together. She put her laptop down on the desk and looked at him again. "Are we...good?"

"Of course we are," he smiled softly at her. It was convincing straight away.

"O...kay," she nodded slowly. "So then, we've agreed to keep things...quiet?"

"Do you want to?"

"...kind of? I mean, I don't want to keep it a secret forever it's just...you know that whole blissful bubble thing that most people look down upon?"

"Sort of?"

"I really like the bubble," Montserrat tucked a curl behind her ear, pursing her lips together. "It's just nice and...free? Does that make sense?"

Rafael nodded, close to chuckling. "It does, surprisingly. I agree. At least for the time being, it might be better if we just keep things between us."

"Exactly," Montserrat strung her bag's strap over her shoulder. "Well, you know, except for Sonny but...we might just kill him to keep the secret."

"Exactly," Rafael pointed at her, making her laugh.

"You're supposed to warn me that this is the wrong place to say something like that and especially not to say it in front of you, a D.A?"

"Right," Rafael looked away as he pretended to remember that rule he himself told her a long time ago. But in the end, he shook his head. "I might be giving you some special treatments."

"As you should," Montserrat pointed. She moved to his side, leaning down only to press a kiss to his lips. "I'll see you later?"

"Please," he said, making it sound like a beg more than a response. That was a novelty for him too.

Montserrat smiled at him. "I'll call you later, then." She looked at him for a few seconds before surprising him with a second kiss.

Her hand curled on the back of his neck as she finished the kiss. Now Rafael didn't quite like surprises, but he definitely liked her surprises. He realized that very quickly.

"I really have to go," Montserrat said as soon as she pulled away and forced her hands away from him. If they touched him again, she wouldn't be able to leave anytime soon. "See you."

Rafael watched her leave in a hasty pace and despite having this idiot smile on his face, once he remembered who she was going to meet up with...it faltered. "Goddammit," he muttered.

~ 0 ~

Damian had explained to Montserrat very quickly what he'd found. And what he thought he had found, was pretty damn convincing. It had Montserrat pacing back and forth in her apartment's living room.

"You think it's in that storage room?" Montserrat asked for the third time since Damian had finished telling her the story.

"I think so," Damian nodded fast. "I was rewatching the security feed from that day and I noticed there was a janitor that I hadn't really...noticed before." He scrunched his face after realizing that was a terrible way to describe it. "See, I know everyone who works with me, from the top to bottom. I've never seen that janitor before."

"You think he doesn't really work there?"

"I think he wasn't even a janitor," Damian clarified where his thoughts were going. "Because he only appears in the day before the building fell apart. He doesn't even appear the day Gael made the last evaluation, even when he turns in the paperwork. He's just not there."

"I gotta find that guy," scowled Montserrat.

"Yes but let's focus on the main thing right now."

"You're right," Montserrat stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the coffee table, an act that would always have Kara on her back. "If we find that video and show them the one you found with that janitor who's not really a janitor...we can end this trial."

"Exactly," nodded Damian. "I'll just go head back after lunch and do that."

"But we can't let that person know you're onto them. You'll need someone else to look for it."

"It's fine. He's not there anymore. He was literally only there for one day, maybe two days max."

"Just because he's not there doesn't mean he doesn't have eyes or ears on us," Montserrat wagged a finger. "I can go in. Hardly ever seen me before in that place."

"Oh no, you can't do that. You heard what Calhoun said. If Geraghty finds out you were anywhere near there, she'll make it look like you planted the evidence."

"But I can't just stay away! I need to be there when we get that video."

"How's about a compromise, then?" Damian leaned forwards on the couch. "I'm the one who has to go in, but you can wait outside. And I mean some place where you won't get caught by a camera because we really can't mess this up for Gael. Not when we're this close."

Montserrat exhaled and nodded her head. He had the right mindset. She couldn't ruin this for her brother, especially when it just because she wanted to go in. It didn't matter who went in as long as someone came out with the damn video. "Okay, it sounds good. But I have to say I don't like the idea of you going in alone."

Damian smiled at her. "Worried about me?"

"Always," she said. "You're family and we always watch our back. Sme malí, ale mocní," she offered him another smile.

"I have no idea what you just said but it sounded good," Damian pointed at her.

"We are small but mighty," Montserrat translated the Slovakian phrase. "We're a small family but we are strong as hell."

"Okay, so how do you want to play this?"

Montserrat thought about it long and hard. She didn't want to risk losing Gael his case but she wanted someone she could fully trust to go in with Damian in case he got hurt. "I got it," she declared and rose from the table with a newfound grin on her face. "You can go in, but I'll be sending in my own help."

Damian looked at her wearily. He knew her idea face all too well, but sometimes they didn't end like she planned. "Who'd you have in mind?"

~ 0 ~

"Just go in, go directly to that room and then get out," Montserrat walked between Damian and a friend of hers. Said friend may have been from 1PP but she wasn't a detective yet, so…

Fair game?

Montserrat preferred not to think about it.

"Okay and while I do that I'm guessing your friend…" Damian looked over Montserrat's head to the slightly taller woman — an olive-skinned woman with shoulder length black hair, "...keeps a look out for me?"

"Yes," Montserrat nodded and glanced at the friend in question. "Andra's been training and she's an officer now, so…"

"You want me to keep him safe, got it," the woman nodded her head. She didn't understand much of what was going on but she did want to help Montserrat. "Officer Andra Moressy," she then told Damian. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Damian said, feeling more than reasonably awkward.

Montserrat stopped a few blocks before they reached Damian's job. "Okay, this is as far as I can go." She turned to the two. "You guys good? I'll be out here and if anything goes wrong just call me and I'll go, no matter what."

Damian put a hand over her shoulder, giving her one of those smiles telling her everything would be fine. "We got it, Montse. You didn't need to bring another friend, though. I can do this on my own."

"I just feel a lot better if someone else was with you," Montserrat smiled back, though not as strong as his was. She looked at Andra and sighed. "Sorry for springing this on you, I just couldn't think of anyone else that could go in without problems."

Andra waved a hand, indicating it was just fine. "Always good to have some practice, right? But can I ask...who exactly are we supposed to be looking out for?"

"Um…" Montserrat slowly slid her hands into her coat's pocket. "Some guy who pretended to be a janitor. He helped frame my brother and even though Damian says he hasn't shown up...I don't want to take chances. But if you see him, shoot for a leg because I was that bastard alive so I can ask — demand answers."

Andra wouldn't even point out how fast Montserrat's face had hardened. She got it. This was personal. "Okay." She looked at Damian with the same question he had. "You ready?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "Let's go."

Andra nodded again and started the way. Damian only lingered behind to give Montserrat a hug and remind her to stay away.

Now Montserrat knew this could be hours of waiting and the worst part was that she couldn't even call Damian to know how things were going. She'd busied herself at a small coffee shop, though she hadn't even drank what she ordered. At around five, late five, Montserrat got a text from Rafael. He was asking if she was alright.

She remembered she'd promised to stop by again later or call him. She picked up her phone to call, but then after thinking about it she put her phone back down. She couldn't involve him in this, not when it had the potential to harm his career and job altogether. It was exactly what he'd warned her months ago when he reasoned with her that they couldn't be together. She didn't want to prove him right.

After a few minutes of thinking again, she grabbed her phone off the table and responded with a quick text.

I'm so sorry, something came up.

Montserrat felt terrible lying but if she told him the truth he could try and stop her. But she definitely wasn't into the idea of lying so early in a relationship. I mean, every relationship has a little white lies but they definitely shouldn't have a big lie like this one. She sighed inwardly.

Two hours passed and Montserrat still didn't have a word from Damian. In that span of 2 hours, she did receive a couple more texts. One was from Rafael again asking if she was okay, to which Montserrat answered yet another short response 'yup' and moved on.

She might pay for that one later.

The second text was from Casey, asking where the hell she was because Calhoun was driving her crazy.

And the third text was from Olivia, requesting Montserrat read up on the latest case that had apparently turned into a staged night raid.

Out of those three, Montserrat felt like she could at least respond to Casey because that was the one that would get her into the least amount of trouble. And if it did get her into trouble, at least Casey would know what to do.

And in doing that, Casey came storming into the coffee shop 30 minutes later. "Montserrat Irene Novak, I cannot believe you are doing this!"

Montserrat straightened in her chair and, maturely, pouted. "Well, I didn't tell you so you could come and scold me."

"Someone has to!" Casey plopped down into the empty chair across her. She lowered her voice for the next time she spoke up. "Do you realize that you can lose your job by doing this? Not to mention lose your brother's case all together?"

"I'm being careful," Montserrat said quietly.

"Careful!?" Casey's eyes were wide with incredulity. "You're putting yourself in the wolf's den! If someone from Geraghty's team finds out that you arranged this, Montserrat I don't even know what the hell is going to happen to you."

"I don't care," Montserrat said bluntly and before Casey could scold her again, she explained, "I don't mean that as in 'I'm careless and I'm doing what I want' thing. I mean that as in someone framed my brother for a double murder and I can't let that go. Not when I have the means to prove that he's innocent and that he's been framed."

Casey sighed. "Montse, this is beyond dangerous. And do you even have proof of what you're saying?"

"It's the only logical reason for all of this," Montserrat made a gesture. "Gael is not careless in his job. He says he checked everything in final evaluation and I believe him. He would never let anyone get hurt us because he chose not to do his usual routine. Someone had to have framed him for this."

"But why? Why would someone do that?"

"I don't know," shrugged Montserrat. "But if we find the guy who did it, we can sure as hell ask them."

For a long moment, Casey stared at her cousin. Like Damian, she recognized Montserrat's idea face and feared the results. This wasn't an ordinary idea, nor an ordinary situation. It was a huge risk she was taking.

"Alright, fine," Casey sighed. "I guess we can wait here."

"Casey, you don't have to. I know it's putting my job on the line, you don't need to risk yours."

"But I do. Because my cousin is an idiot," Casey smiled so casually while Montserrat rolled her eyes. "So, might as well order a coffee. How long have you been here?"

"I'm going for nearly 3 hours now."

"Long wait," Casey understood then picked up a menu. Like Montserrat, she ended up ordering a vanilla latte. "So, how's life?"

Montserrat couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously?"

"Well, it's a long wait! I don't want to spend it in awkward silence."

Montserrat had to laugh one more time.

"Seriously. You do seem a bit chipper than usual, especially since your brother's facing trial for murder."

Montserrat no longer laughed but there was a secretive smile that Casey recognized fairly fast. "I'm good."

"You're hiding something," Casey pointed a wagging finger at her cousin. "What is it?"

"Something good, don't worry about it."

"Now I'm worrying. What are you hiding, Montse?"

"I said-" Montserrat leaned forwards on the table, "-don't worry about it. You'll know later in the future."

Casey narrowed her eyes on her cousin. But, before she could respond, Montserrat gasped at something behind her.

"Damian!" she practically scrambled to get out of her seat.

Damian and Andra had come rushing in, like they'd been running all the way there.

"Thought I might find you in here," Damian pointed at the chalkboard sign announcing Vanilla Lattes were half off. "You love those things."

Montserrat rolled her eyes and moved onto better things. "Did you get it!?"

"I found it! I found the missing video!"

"Seriously!?" Montserrat's entire face lit up like a series of fireworks. That was the best thing she'd heard as of late, with the exception of one other thing but that was for her and Rafael to know.

"Yeah. It was hidden through the old files that needed to be archived which - honestly - was a pretty good hiding spot considering no one wants that job!"

"So you've got it!?"

"Aha!"

Montserrat laughed in utter joy. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "The charges are going to be dropped!"

"Yup!"

"That's great," Casey got up from her chair, smiling like they were but she seemed more level headed than the pair. "So we should get that evidence logged in for trial tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Montserrat pulled away with a newfound scowl on her face.

"It's past five and by the time they actually get the charges dropped, it'll be way too late for tonight."

That put a real dampener in Montserrat's mood. She drew away from Damian and turned to her cousin. "But we need to get those charges dropped now."

"I get it, Montse, but we can't really…" Casey trailed off once she began to see Montserrat's impatient face. Even if she did spend 5 minutes lecturing about the rules and process, Montserrat wouldn't be listening to her at all. "Oh fine, let's go."

And just like that, the smile and beam was back on Montserrat's face. "That's more like it!"

Together, they sought out Calhoun to loop her in but as soon as she heard the news, she had a good go at Montserrat for her 'wrecklessness'. Montserrat couldn't say that she listened, nor that she cared. Of course it was Calhoun who put some sense into all of them as she started going off with the actual process to get the charges dropped. However, Calhoun was a fool if she believed Montserrat would leave her alone. Between the night before and the next morning, she had all of them working to put the evidence together so that first come tomorrow Gael would be a free man. If Calhoun had to say it…

"You are the most irritating woman I have ever met," she spat as she walked alongside Montserrat down a hallway. "And don't forget I've handled your squad's petty cases. And Rafael Barba altogether."

"Yeah, it's not the first time I hear that," Montserrat had her biggest smile that morning. "And I've learned to live with it."

Calhoun came to a stop outside an office door then turned to face the slightly smaller detective. She was used to handling all of the SVU detectives but it turned out Montserrat had enough to be the entire squad. "Can you keep yourself calm while I go in there—" Calhoun pointed at the closed doors behind her, "—and do my thing? Is that possible?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes. She might have been bouncing on her feet but she could definitely sit still for a few minutes while the two lawyers spoke with the judge on the trial. "Yes, of course. Just tell me that it's finally going to be over now."

"Yes, I showed Geraghty the last of the evidence and we've gotten the judge to listen to us before the trial is supposed to go on. So just, stay here and don't do anything."

Montserrat barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. Calhoun was speaking to her as if she were a child. Instead of responding to that, Montserrat only gestured for Calhoun to go inside already. As Montserrat waited, she saw her family, along with Damian and Kara, coming towards her.

"Hey, where's Calhoun?" Casey immediately started looking around for the woman.

"She's already inside," Montserrat pointed to the shut office doors behind her.

"Do I need to…?" Gael's pointed finger at the doors was shakey, as expected.

"No," she smiled at him. "You just stay out here and wait for Calhoun to give you the good news."

"I still cannot believe you disobeyed Miss Calhoun's instructions," their father still had the same scolding look on his face as he had when Montserrat first told him the previous day.

"It's done, Dad," Montserrat waved him off.

"And if we hand't done it, then we wouldn't be here right now," Damian added.

"Dad's still right, you guys risked yourselves too much," Gael shook his head, but soon Casey was shushing them.

Geraghty was coming up to them, looking none too pleased. "Morning." Even her greeting was sour.

"Geraghty," Casey flatout smirked at the woman. She kept her word that she would enjoy the moment Geraghty was forced to drop the charges.

Geraghty ignored her and the others as she walked into the office.

"She seems lovely," Kara remarked in a low mutter.

"She's a bitch," Casey turned to the group with no sense of regret of her vocabulary.

The meeting between the two lawyers and the judge lasted only fifteen minutes and when the lawyers emerged, the group could clearly see who won and who lost.

"You're free of all charges, Gael," Calhoun declared with a wide, proud smile. For a moment, it matched Casey's face.

Gael erupted into laughter, along with the others. They hugged and hugged until they heard Geraghty's scoff.

"Oh just admit, you lost," Casey told the woman. "I did tell you that this case wasn't going to last."

"That's great and all, but I do want to remind you people that someone made that building crumble. People still died."

"Yeah and we'll let Homicide take that over," Montserrat reassured but she definitely was beginning to see why Casey didn't appreciate the woman. "But you have to admit that you had the wrong guy. You put my brother through hell — his daughters too."

"What do you want from me? An apology?" scoffed Geraghty. "I was just doing my job."

"No, you were doing my job which I will happily take back now," Casey waved a goodbye. "I actually catch put the right person on trial."

Geraghty rolled her eyes.

"I hope you do," Gael spoke up for the first time. Geraghty still laid harsh eyes on the man but he didn't care. "Because that guy — whoever they are — planned this. They wanted to hurt people and threw me under the bus. You need to catch them."

"Like your sister said—" Geraghty made a lazy gesture at Montserrat, "—I'll let Homicide take over." She strode off without saying another word.

"Seriously, she seems lovely," Kara turned to Montserrat with a flat face. She was so glad that she didn't have to work anywhere near these types of people.

"I don't care, I just know that I'm finally free of any charges," Gael smiled so widely it could crack his face in two. "Miss Calhoun, I am very thankful for what you did."

"Yeah, now I can't really hate you," Montserrat dramatically sighed, making Calhoun roll her eyes.

"I'll remember that next time when we meet," Calhoun pointed.

Montserrat couldn't help but smile. "Thank you," she said, genuinely meaning to thank the woman for everything she'd done for them.

It was a strange sight for Calhoun but she gave a nod of her head and went on her way.

"Okay, now we can celebrate right?" Damian's expression was slowly turning into a smile.

"Yes, absolutely yes!" Gael nodded.

"I know a place," Kara raised a finger in the air. "If you guys are interested…"

"Please, lead the way," Gael gestured for her, making the others laugh with him.

Kara suggested they mainly go to a bar since drinking is all they wanted to do. Sure, they might have a meal here or there, but they mainly wanted those celebratory drinks.

However, Montserrat couldn't exactly celebrate all the way. She was into her third drink when she saw a couple at the counter sitting together. And suddenly she remembered she'd practically blown off Rafael's texts from the previous night. In all her excitement, she'd completely forgotten anything and everything that didn't have to do with her brother.

I am a terrible, terrible person, she lowered her drink to the table.

"What's up with you?" Kara was the one to notice how incredibly pale Montserrat had become all of a sudden. "You're white as a sheet."

"I just...I just remembered I…" Montserrat bit her lower lip and thought how to best word her problem without giving it away. She'd never really kept a relationship away from her best friend, and right now she really wanted to tell Kara.

"Montse?" Kara asked again. She looked over to her brother, Gael and Thomas. They'd gone up to the counter for a quicker service. Casey had left for the restroom. "Should we call it a night already?"

"No, no, absolutely not," Montserrat shook her head.

"Then what's wrong?" Kara's smile was encouraging but when she saw how much Montserrat was struggling, it began to fade. "Are you okay?"

"I'm...seeing someone," as Montserrat had said those words, she realized what it meant.

Kara, for her part, blinked for the first second or so. "Come again?"

"I'm...I just...started a relationship and I've already messed up," Montserrat pushed her glass away, as if that was the root of her problem. "Seriously, a 3 day thing and I've already blown him off."

Kara was trying to understand the fact at some point her best friend had initiated a relationship and she completely missed it! She put a hand on Montserrat's arm and forced the ginger to look at her. "You're going to have to explain this cos I'm not understanding it."

At this point, Montserrat figured she might as well say it. If Rafael was to be mad at her, it should be grand. Ignoring the logic of her reasoning, Montserrat rambled, "Three days ago Rafael and I pretty much said 'let's go for it's and he texted me yesterday 2 times asking me if I was going to stop by his office because I told him I would stop by and of course, since I was busy waiting for Damian to get the missing videos, I responded with a very short message saying something came up. And then he texted me again later in the night and I completely forgot to answer and now he hasn't texted me at all. Or called." Montserrat drew in a deep breath after everything was out. "How much trouble do you think that'll be?"

Kara shook her head. She was still trying to catch up. "Wait a minute!"

"Kara, please file all this under 'freak about later' and just help me right now. I'm nervous!"

"Just go, you idiot," Kara made a 'shoo' motion with her hand. "Don't think about any text or any calls. You messed up now you go and see him. Like face to face."

"I'm a little afraid…"

"I'd be too if that's who I chose to be with-"

"Hey!"

"You know I'm kidding," Kara waved her off. "But seriously, we'll talk later. You need to go."

"You think Gael's going to be upset if I leave?"

"Umm…"

Montserrat followed Kara's gaze back to the counter where she saw her brother happily drinking with Damian and their father. It almost looked like they forgot they were even there. "Okay, that's my cue."

"Good luck," Kara held two thumbs up. "You'll need it. How is he when he gets mad? Like properly mad."

"I don't know," Montserrat stopped to really think about the question. Sure, she'd seen Rafael get upset over a case or even with her but...a proper anger? That one was still unknown to her.

"How do you not know? You've pissed him off countless times - frankly, I'm surprised how this even worked in the end."

Montserrat rolled her eyes at the sarcasm. "Thanks, Kara. You're such a great help."

Kara smiled. "You bet I am."

Montserrat grabbed her things and left before it became even more late.

~0~

When Rafael heard the light knock on the office door, he expected it to be Carmen, or at least Olivia with some new turnout on their latest case. But, when he looked up from his papers, he found Montserrat nervously standing under the doorway.

"You're mad and you have every right to be," she stepped inside.

Rafael put down the glass of scotch he'd been nursing while undergoing the terrible load of work at the coffee table. "I'm not mad," he clarified.

"Yeah, you are," Montserrat walked over and plopped down next to him on the couch. "I mean, you should be…totally blew you off yesterday."

"I'm not mad," Rafael insisted, now even smiling a bit out of amusement. "I'm annoyed, yes, but I'm not mad."

Montserrat searched his face for any indication of the opposite, but that damn smile didn't appear angry in the least. "... you're not?" he shook his head. "But...you didn't text anymore, nor call."

"Look Montserrat, I'm not the type of person to blow up someone's phone because they didn't answer my calls or texts. I will probably never be that guy, actually."

"Still, regardless, I'm very sorry. Something did come up-"

"-I know. Your brother's charges have been dropped."

Montserrat blinked in genuine surprise. "What? How did you know?" She hadn't even told anyone from SVU yet.

Rafael loved her reaction. It was hard not to laugh. "I got a call from Calhoun earlier in the day saying I owed her big time. Apparently, you are - and these are her words, not mine - truly the most annoying woman she has ever met. Congratulations, I didn't think it was possible to irritate that woman more than I do."

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes, though there was a hint of relief that things weren't as bad as she thought they'd been.

"I'm really happy your brother is free, though. Although I'm wondering how it was that he got free…" Rafael tilted his head at her, eyes carefully reading her shifty movements. "Calhoun mentioned you found the video…"

"Um, well, technically Damian found it. I waited outside."

Skipping over the fact she'd spent her entire day with Damian, Rafael wondered to what extent Montserrat involved herself in something as serious as interference. "You were told to stay away from their job."

"I was told many things," Montserrat pressed her hands to the hemline of her dress, acting as casual as possible.

Rafael shook his head at her. "I don't think I need to point out the big risk you took, right?"

"No," she shifted on the couch to face him, "I know. But you also know that I was getting desperate. When Damian told me he had an idea of where the video was, I had to do it. If there was a chance to prove that my brother was framed, I was going to take it."

Rafael stared long and hard at her before nodding in agreement. "Yeah you were." Because if he was in her shoes, he'd probably do the same thing.

Montserrat smiled in relief. At least she wouldn't be getting the same lecture from him too. Her brother, father and Casey all drilled her earlier. "And that's why I like you," she declared with the context of her thoughts backing her up. She got up only to sit again but on his lap this time, draping one arm around his neck. For a moment, it seemed like Rafael was frozen but Montserrat soon realized he had a lingering stare on her legs.

"Oooh, I think I finally found what makes you tick," she said with a growing smirk on her face.

Once Rafael knew he'd been caught he rolled his eyes in an attempt to be casual. "Don't start."

"Oh, but I will," she grinned as she crossed her legs. "I know to wear more dresses now."

"It's not funny," he insisted but the fact he kept looking away from her made it all the more amusing.

"I'm going to jot this day down as the day I got you flustered."

Rafael exhaled and concluded this was probably how their relationship was going to work. No matter, he'd figure out a way to get her back. Right now though, he admitted that having her sit on his lap was mesmerizing. He could smell her perfume, her sweet scent drifting towards him and, no doubt, setting on his clothes and skin.

"I almost forgot, I didn't know if you liked brownies but I did stop by my favorite place for some if you want a taste," Montserrat languidly pointed at her bag sitting at the corner on the couch.

"I do have a sweet tooth, actually," Rafael's admission had her nearly laughing. "I'm being very serious here."

"You just don't look like the type," she shrugged. "You want to dig in, then?"

"Sure...after I finish this," he had leaned forwards — making her do the same in the process — and reached for his glass on the table. As he was sitting back, Montserrat surprised him with a kiss on the cheek.

At his expression, she chuckled. "What's that face for?"

Rafael awkwardly cleared his throat. "What face?"

"The one you've been making each time I do something to you. Are you — are you not okay with me…?" she moved to get up but Rafael quickly pulled her back. "Okay, that's a 'no' so…" Montserrat tilted her head and studied him for a minute before realizing something. "When's the last time you've dated?"

"Are you saying I'm inexperienced?"

"Oh no I don't doubt that you are experienced. I'm just asking if it's been a while since you've last dated. And if the answer is 'yes' then I am more than prepared to remind you of the goodness that comes with dating." She leaned her body closer to his with the smuggest yet sweetest smile on her face. Rafael didn't think that was possible. "So, has it been a while?"

"...maybe." Now Rafael had to fight the urge not to roll his eyes at her growing smirk. She made it real hard not to want to bicker with her, but — if he was being honest — he preferred this way. If she wasn't who she was, the way she was, things would be so incredibly boring.

And Montserrat was far from being 'boring'.

"I'm not so shocked," Montserrat swiftly took the glass in his hand. She ignored his expression while she drank it down. He'd only been holding it so she might as well finish it for him.

"My profession doesn't exactly give the best time for dating. I've had a few dates here and there but nothing serious. I think my last serious relationship was back in college with Yelina."

Montserrat scrunched her face at the mention of that woman. "Nope, please don't talk about her with me. I don't like her." She put the now-empty glass on the table then looked back at him with an expression that left no room to even consider if she was joking or not.

"I should really tell you that she talked to me afterwards, explaining that she didn't mean any trouble…" but Rafael trailed off as Montserrat shook her head.

"I'm sorry, I just don't like her. And it's not even because of what happened but...it's because of what she did to you before, with Alex's trial. I don't like anyone — I won't like anyone — who tries to hurt you. That's final."

The smile that spread across Rafael's face was automatic. It'd been a long time since someone cared that much for him. He touched her face, feeling her soft, warm skin. He let his fingers wander down to the back of her neck to bring her in for a kiss. Montserrat quickly wrapped her other arm around his neck and gladly pressed her chest to his while they kissed. A couple seconds later, her muffled laughter filled the air as she'd felt Rafael's hand press over one of her legs and seemed to slowly be making its way up.

"So much for being subtle," she said after pulling away. They both needed to catch some air. Rafael wouldn't apologize for that one, not when she was smiling like that. "So, you want to start on those brownies?"

"Sure," he agreed and reached for the forgotten bag. He handed it to her and watched her eagerly pull it open to find those brownies she loved so much. "You know, maybe we can go out to dinner this week."

Montserrat paused just as she'd found the brownies. "Dinner? Like…a date? Our first date?"

"Yeah," Rafael nodded. "I hadn't asked because I knew it wouldn't be right while your brother was going through a trial but since he's good now...let me take you out for dinner. Maybe this weekend?"

Montserrat beamed. "Yes, of course! I would love to have dinner with you."

"Perfect," he matched her smile with his own.

"Just one more thing. I may have told Kara about us — sorry!"

"Wait, what—"

She pulled him back for another kiss.

#ocappreciation #fd: svu #svu #rafael barba #svu fics #rafael barba fics #svu imagines #rafael barba imagines #oc: Montserrat Novak #fic: dare to forget me

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holdyourbreathfornow · 2 years

Text

I posted 138 times in 2021

101 posts created (73%)

37 posts reblogged (27%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.4 posts.

I added 259 tags in 2021

#hlvrai - 48 posts

#hlvrai au - 34 posts

#kai writes - 33 posts

#kai reblogs - 32 posts

#kai streams - 29 posts

#kai answers - 22 posts

#frenrey - 17 posts

#kai draws - 17 posts

#hlvrai gordon - 14 posts

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Longest Tag: 125 characters

#i hate tagging the main tags once a day so i may edit the tags on yesterday’s chapter so only the first announcement shows up

My Top Posts in 2021

Hopefully the link works fist time this time...

New space AU chapter!

16 notes • Posted 2021-02-05 18:00:28 GMT

Last chapter of the brainwashing AU!

17 notes • Posted 2021-02-17 18:36:39 GMT

Thinking about Sun!Gordon and Moon!Benrey

I’m proud of the coloring on this one, it let me experiment with a bunch of different brushes and overall I had a lot of fun!

19 notes • Posted 2021-01-19 18:01:45 GMT

I wish you would write a fan fiction with someone being a werewolf. Maybe Feetman cause it suits him but I feel like you'd write it really good. (For the ask game, by the way)

At first, upon getting this ask, I started writing a fic that fit this request perfectly, with nothing else added to it.

And then zevsuit (not going to @ xem but but definitely check xer blog out) drew a request I asked of vampire!Gordon and I was ~inspired~

So I’m now introducing the Monster Mash AU, where Gordon is a werewolf-vampire hybrid, with the additional points of feuding family drama, Frenreylatta, found family, and A SHIT TON of world building! The first fic, posted below, was a lot of fun to write, and I hope I wrote it as well as you thought I would!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31965835

19 notes • Posted 2021-06-15 18:22:57 GMT

OOOO 49 with romantic coomer and bubby :D

49. Giving them a tight hug that makes them lose their breath.

Put this under a read-more to save space! Hope you like it, Lovelace!

You can also find this on my AO3 under the same username!

Harold isn’t expecting for someone to be in his office when he gets to work that morning. He turns the corner to his office and the first thing he notices is the pattern on the ground caused by light shining through the wired glass. His guard up, Harold readjusts his grip on his suitcase so he can use the thing like a club, and heads for the door.

A scientist he doesn’t recognize sits in one of his guest chairs, examining their finger nails, and he figures they must need to see him about something. Some of the tension drains from him and he makes as much casual noise as possible opening the door, so he doesn’t startle his unexpected guest like they startled him.

The scientist shifts their gaze from their nails to Harold as he enters the room, but otherwise doesn’t acknowledge his presence in anyway as he sets his briefcase down and shrugs his own labcoat on.

“I apologize for keeping you waiting! I didn’t know anyone was waiting for me this morning.” Harold finally says, plastering his best customer service smile on and extending a hand to his guest. Their grip is barely there as they shake his hand, and they wait until he hesitantly sits down to speak.

“I don’t mind waiting, Dr. Coomer. Sometimes our profession requires a bit of patience, wouldn’t you say?” The scientist smiles, but something it seems… Fake, like they’re testing him on something, though he has no idea what.

“This job has certainly helped me practice that particular virtue, yes.” He agrees, slowly and carefully changing his genial smile into a look of confusion. “If you don’t mind my asking, what exactly have you come to see me about?”

“One of the projects in Experimental Biology, specifically one that you seem to have… Befriended, as odd as that is. B-U-88-Y, I believe, should be the identifying tag.”

“...What about xem.” Harold does his best not to seem too affected by the question, but he knows he’s failed when the scientist’s lip twitches minutely, finding amusement in his sudden worry.

“Well, since the two of you were so buddy buddy, I’ve been tasked with informing you that that project’s been disbanded.” When Harold freezes, the scientist cocks their head in confusion. “Dr. Coomer? Are you alright?”

“So, then… Then what will they do with the old project?”

“Oh. Oh, Dr. Coomer, I think you’re concerned over nothing. The project’s only been disbanded because the higher ups figured that the goal’s been accomplished. Even if I always personally thought B-U-88-Y was far from perfect, the final say was never mine.” The scientist watches as Harold sags with relief, and they blink in bemusement. “Xe even has xer own lab now, if you’d like the room designation code.”

“Please.” Harold mutters and the scientist nods, fishing a pen out of a pocket and snatching a pack of Post-Its off of Harold’s desk. “Thank you. For letting me know.”

“Well, the security sector tipped me off to how often you visited.” The scientist mumbles as they write, distracted. “Seems that that group of goons were really rooting for the two of you, much as they could with no audio on those cameras. I was cornered by some very concerned guards this morning, talking about how they felt you should be informed that the lab hosting the B-U-88-Y project was being refurbished so you didn’t walk into a completely new project and think the worst.”

“I’ll have to send them a fruit basket.” Harold chuckles and that makes the scientist snort, ripping the Post-It away from the pack and planting it on Harold’s desk.

“Yes, it seems a fair number of us were rooting for you.” They stand to leave and Harold stands as well as soon as his brain registers what they just said.

“Wait, who all do you mean by ‘us’?”

The only answer he gets is an echoing laugh as the scientist continues on down the hallway.

As soon as he has a spare moment, Harold picks up the Post-It still clinging to his desk and heads for the room number listed on it. Bubby’s new lab is in the astronomy sector, and Harold smiles at all the star charts and pictures of other planets’ surfaces. At least Bubby’s found a group just as interested in outer space as xe is.

Speaking of the devil, Harold finally finds the room that matches the number he’s been hunting for. The door doesn’t have a window for him to look into but he can see light filtering out from under it. Harold’s quick to knock on the door, though instead of waiting for an answer, he tries the handle and find it’s unlocked.

Bubby stands in the middle of the room, obviously having been on xer way to see what the knocking was all about. Xe must be able to see the stark relief on Harold’s face, hurrying towards him.

“Harold, is every-?” He cuts xem off, closing the gap between the two of them and dragging Bubby into a crushing hug. “Harold… Can’t… Breathe.”

“Oh, sorry!” He quickly loosens his grip and Bubby wheezes for air as xe rest xer chin on his shoulder.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you…” Bubby starts once they’ve got their breath back, “...But why are you happy enough to break ribs?”

“I didn’t, did I?” Harold asks, pulling away just enough to meet Bubby’s gaze, and Bubby rolls xer eyes and smiles.

“If you did, I’d be a lot more pissy. Now, answers, please?”

“Someone… Well, I found out about your project getting disbanded before I found out about you getting transferred to a new sector and I thought the worst, because. You and I both know it had always been a possibility and-”

“And you thought they killed me or something equally fucked up.” Bubby finishes the thought with a sigh, and Harold nods. “Well, whoever informed you was a dumbass and could have phrased the news so much better! They didn’t need to give you a heart attack! Who was it? I’ll set their ass on fire.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” Harold shrugs and smiles, and Bubby’s eyes dart over his face before xe nod.

“I guess you’re right. And! An upside to being out of that damn tube is that we can take our lunch breaks together. And it’s about that time now. So.” Xe disentangle the two of them and hook xer hand into the crook of Harold’s elbow, starting to tug him out of the room. “Let’s go! I want the best seat in the cafeteria, Harold!” He laughs at that and the two of them start hurrying down the hall.

“Very well! Onwards and upwards, my dear!”

24 notes • Posted 2021-08-21 15:02:11 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Oh this was fun #:)

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winryofresembool · 3 years

Text

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 33

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: What happens after Leo returns? (At Waystation, pt 1234)

A/N: What is this? A new chapter? I know I probably apologize too much but still, sorry for the long wait! Writer's block is not fun, you guys. It seems that I'm getting more and more insecure about where I should take this story by each chapter, but I did get a couple of encouraging comments while I was writing it and they motivated me to keep going! Extra special shoutout to my bff Cris(sy) for both recommending me the song that eventually helped this chapter to be born, and also helping me edit yesterday because I certainly wouldn't be posting this right now without you. (((((((((huug))))))))))

Disclaimer: The song New Year's Day obviously belongs to Taylor Swift and I definitely recommend listening to it while reading this chapter (specifically the scene where it's mentioned).

Words: 3300+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

…

Leo stayed at the park for a while longer, but eventually he knew he had to return to Waystation. The talk with Piper had made him feel a bit better, but he was still worried about how Calypso would react to his meltdown. In his opinion, she had every right to be mad. He would have to explain his behavior, but how? That was the big question.

It was already well past noon when Leo showed up at Waystation again. The building was surprisingly quiet when he entered, hoping the others were looking for him. Usually Georgina was all over the place around this time, sugar high from the chocolate she had eaten and making a mess with her new presents. Luckily, once he had removed his coat and his hat, he started hearing some clunking from the kitchen, indicating someone was there.

Instead of just bursting into the kitchen and announcing that he had returned, he stopped to watch by the doorway. Only Calypso and Georgina were in there, the younger girl chatting enthusiastically while the older one was instructing her with baking. They were standing with their backs towards the door so they couldn’t see Leo. The smell that was coming from the oven somehow felt very familiar… something he associated with Calypso. It wasn’t until she bowed down to take something out of the oven that he realized what it was. The cookies smelled the same as the cake Calypso had baked a few times at their flat, and the shampoo she used: cinnamon-y.

“Look, Georgina!” Calypso showed her the cookies. “These ended up pretty good.” It sounded like she was hesitating a bit before she continued: “Hopefully your brother will like them as well.”

“Oh, he will, Calie! He’d probably like anything you do!” Georgina noted in the straightforward style she was used to.

“But I didn’t make these alone,” Calypso reminded her. “I had a good helper.” She put the oven pan on the table and reached to ruffle the top of Georgina’s hair a bit.

“Where do you think he went, anyway?” Georgina asked. Leo wasn’t sure if he just imagined it but to him she sounded pretty worried. “I’ve not seen him that way often…”

Calypso sounded pretty cautious when she answered. “I’m sure he will be back soon. He must be tired because he’s been working a lot lately and that’s why he’s a bit on the edge… but he wouldn’t want to miss your gingerbread cookies. Hey, what color should we use to decorate these?” She turned Georgina’s focus back to the cookies again. “Do you think pink would be cute?”

“No, I want all the different colors! Blue, red, purple, green, yellow…” Georgina started listing all the colors that she could remember.

“I don’t think we have that many food color bottles here,” Calypso pointed out with amusement. “But you know, we can try to mix some together!”

“That sounds great! Hey, is pink your favorite color?” The girl asked suddenly.

“Hah, what gives me away?” Calypso chuckled. Even the apron she was currently wearing happened to be pink, although Leo knew that was probably purely coincidental because she was using one of Emmie’s aprons.

“You’re always wearing something pink and you even wanted pink gingerbread cookies,” Georgina noted while she started mixing the sugar frosting very eagerly.

“You’re a smart one, aren’t you?” Calypso teased. “I do really like pink, though. I don’t know. Maybe it reminds me of the sunsets back in my childhood home… But lately I’ve noticed that I have quite a lot of red things in my wardrobe too. But what about you? What’s your favorite color?”

Georgina gave Calypso a long and colorful answer, which Leo only half listened to. He started thinking about Calypso’s statement. He wasn’t completely dense; he had noticed that Calypso had often picked those outfits that he may have complimented at some point. But could it be that she had even started using more red because of him? Nah, he shook his head, that was a selfish way of thinking. Her outfit choices were probably purely coincidental.

Suddenly Leo realized that he had been standing there eavesdropping the girls way too long. When he was about to leave, though, he heard Georgina say: “my moms try to hide it from me, but I know that Leo is not OK. I mean, maybe he is, sometimes… but I remember that last Christmas was a lot like this one.”

“What do you mean?” Calypso asked.

“He didn’t yell at anyone, but… when he is in a bad mood he either shuts down and avoids us or is even louder than usual. But between the jokes, he doesn’t look happy at all. Moms would probably say ‘Georgie, you’re too small to understand that stuff’, but I’m not a baby anymore. This one golden haired dude visits us sometimes and he knows a lot about health things and he’s been teaching me as well. I know sometimes people get depressed, if for example something really bad has happened to them. And I think something very bad happened to big bro before he came here.”

“Yeah… sometimes things like that happen, sadly… But you know what?” Calypso said, probably attempting to sound more cheerful. “I think your brother is really trying. He cares about you so much he puts your happiness before his. He doesn’t want you to worry about him. But he’s strong, just like you, right? He’ll pull through.”

At this point Leo felt he had heard enough. He had been expecting some talk about him; after all he had just caused a scene in the middle of the present opening. But to hear Calypso talk about him that way? So sweetly? That he hadn’t expected. He had imagined she’d be mad at him after the ‘incident’ of that morning. Maybe she was just trying to be nice simply to calm Georgina down, but that he would never know.

He slowly started backing up, so that the girls wouldn’t notice his presence. However, just when he was nearly by the stairway, his foot hit a box that someone had left on the floor, making a loud noise. Cursing himself in his head, he quickly looked up to see that the sound had piqued the girls’ interest and they both tried to see where it had come from. He hid upstairs as quickly as he could, but that didn’t change the fact that Calypso most likely knew he had been listening to them.

Great, he thought, as he closed his bedroom door behind him. As if things hadn’t already been awkward enough even before this…

… (Calypso POV)

Once she was done with baking with Georgina, Calypso withdrew into her guest room for some ‘me’ time. She had a lot to think about. Leo hadn’t been around for the lunch, which meant that the Waystation group had been unusually quiet while finishing their meals. She knew everyone must have been thinking about him, but no one dared to bring him up. After the lunch, Georgina had asked Calypso to bake with her and she had agreed, welcoming the distraction. But Leo still hadn’t returned so she had started playing with the idea that she wouldn’t listen to Jo and Emmie’s advice, instead going to look for him after cleaning the kitchen. Before she had gotten that far, though, she had heard him in the hallway, but he had disappeared from there before she had time to even properly see him. However, she knew it couldn’t have been anyone else.

While she was relieved that he had finally come back, one part of her was also kind of mad that he had been eavesdropping and hadn’t even told them that he had returned. She was pretty close to just marching into his room and letting him hear it, but eventually she decided she wasn’t quite ready for that talk yet. If only there was some machine that would allow them to exchange their thoughts without the actual confrontation… But that was a naive thought, Calypso knew.

Finally, she decided that dwelling on the issues the whole day wouldn’t help anything. Since the Waystation family would get some Christmas guests for the evening, she decided that she should probably change out of her baking attire (a simple t-shirt and sweatpants) that had gotten a bit floury despite the apron that had covered it. Thankful for having taken several outfits from her flat (see, Leo, they were useful for something after all, she thought), she was drawn between blue jeans and a white blouse and a pretty 50ies style red dress she had only recently sewn for herself. It had sleeves that reached her elbows, a ribbon around the waist and a v-shaped neckline. Calypso wondered if the dress was a bit ‘too much’ for a family dinner but she liked how it had ended up looking and felt pretty confident in it. That’s why she ended up picking it instead of the more casual option. Besides, a tiny voice said in Calypso’s head, it didn’t hurt that Leo liked that color...

Tying her hair into a small braid pun and adding a ribbon around it, she was finally happy with her look. Then her gaze fell into the silver bracelet Leo had given to her that was still around her wrist. Briefly, she wondered how he’d feel about seeing it after their earlier incident, but she decided to leave it on. She had kind of expected Leo to give her something silly, like a CD of him singing Never Gonna Give You Up or chili seeds as a joke, but the jewelry box and the bracelet had been very thoughtful. Leo really knew how to surprise her – in a good way – sometimes…

Realizing that she had already been spending over an hour in her guest room, Calypso decided it was time to go back to socialize with her hosts. She heard Georgina’s voice coming from the living room and decided to go check up on her. The young girl was sitting by the piano, singing one of those more modern Christmas songs that she herself wasn’t crazy about, but somehow it sounded a lot more bearable when Georgina performed it. But what really surprised Calypso was Georgina’s pianist. Leo was sitting there next to his adoptive sister and focusing on running his fingers on the instrument. For some reason she hadn’t expected him to be musical and especially not interested in playing Christmas songs (Calypso knew he was more of a rock ‘n roll type of guy). She wasn’t sure what to think of this discovery.

Calypso had always loved music and she had even attempted to learn to play the piano with the help of a nanny for a little while, but when her dad had discovered what they did, he had immediately told them to stop. To this day, Calypso couldn’t understand why; she just assumed that maybe her beloved father hadn’t wanted her to learn something so ‘useless’. Thankfully, her voice wasn’t something her father could take from her so she had kept singing mostly out of spite, and became pretty good. Now she began wondering if Leo would ever mind teaching her to play… that was, if they were able to have a normal conversation again.

Georgina’s song ended and Calypso stepped forward to let the others know she was there, applauding the girl.

“That sounded good!” She encouraged her. “I’m not a fan of Christmas songs but you did well.”

“Thanks, Calie!” Georgina beamed at her. “Leo has told me you can sing too. Can I hear some? Please? Leo can play!”

“I… uh… wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Calypso turned to Leo. “Since when have you been playing the piano?”

Leo ignored Calypso’s first remark and replied: “Since I was a kid. Yeah, I bet you thought I’m more like a drum person or something but it was my mom’s idea I’d try this. Well? Are you gonna sing something?” He asked when Calypso remained quiet.

“I don’t really know that many Christmas songs…” she replied hesitantly. “Georgie, do you have any suggestions?”

“I love Taylor Swift’s songs!” the 9-year-old announced. “Do you know any of them?”

Calypso nearly burst out laughing. “Of course I do! She’s one of my favorite artists. But I thought we were going to sing Christmas songs.”

“Nah, I think I’ve already had enough of them,” Georgina stated. “But TS has made some holiday themed songs as well. Like New Year’s Day. I have the piano sheet for it!” The girl showed her a book she had borrowed from the library.

“You’re a real Swiftie, huh?” Calypso couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s enthusiasm. “But fine, I actually quite like that song so I could sing it.”

Leo had been following the conversation quietly but now he took the book from Georgina and eyed the sheet.

“Let me practice a little; I haven’t even heard this song before so I have no idea how to play it.”

“Sure, take your time,” Calypso said carefully. She was relieved to see that Leo was acting that calmly now despite the morning’s incident but she couldn’t help but wonder if that was just the surface. Surely he couldn’t have just completely forgotten about it? She would have to bring it up at some point, but now was not the time. Even when she attempted to read the lyrics her thoughts kept going back to him.

She was so lost in her thoughts that Leo had to raise his voice before she noticed he had stopped playing. “Hey, did you hear me? I asked if you’re ready.”

“What?” she shook her head. “Sorry. I was just wondering something. But yes, I’m ready now.”

Calypso noticed that Georgina kept looking at them curiously, but for once she didn’t say anything.

“Good. Let’s go,” Leo said in a neutral tone.

As she started singing, the lyrics started sinking into her differently than before. Suddenly she felt like she was the narrator, singing about the aftermath of a party she had attended. Even though Calypso wasn’t big on parties, and the latest one she had been in – the Halloween one – hadn’t gone ideally, when she kept picturing herself among her friends that she had gained during her time in Indianapolis, smiling, carrying their shoes because their feet hurt from the dancing, she felt… happy. Adding to that the image of spending time with Leo cleaning up their home while he made his snarky comments and probably tried to sabotage her cleaning process, she felt warm in a way she hadn’t expected. However, she tried to stop that track of thoughts because she realized what it implied. The narrator of the song was singing about her significant other, and Calypso had decided a long time ago that she shouldn’t get one.

As Leo kept playing, Calypso tried to keep her focus on his fingers running on the keys. For a while it worked; Calypso was amazed by how fast they could move, but then again, she supposed that all those years of building things with his hands really helped him develop that skill. Calypso could spot some stains on his hands from the machines he had handled that would barely leave even with soap, and the under nail area could definitely have used some proper scrubbing, but he wouldn’t have been Leo without those things. She couldn’t imagine him not fiddling with something 24/7. That was one of the reasons she admired him; she valued hard work pretty high and couldn’t imagine being with someone who was just sitting still.

”But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away…”

When Calypso reached that part, she felt chills go down her spine because of how well that line described her and Leo’s current situation. He felt lost because of some past traumas. She was scared of both letting him too close and losing him and everything she had gained since that fall. He had turned away from her and his family already twice that day. But there was hope; maybe, if they managed to finally communicate properly, they’d find a way to even deal with the ‘midnights’.

“Hold on to your memories, they will hold on to you.”

Calypso stopped to think about that line. At first her thoughts went to the badmemories such as the times when she had been living with her father. But when she repeated the line, she understood the song was talking about the good memories that would carry you even in your worst moments. Before she knew it, she was filled with flashbacks. Yelling at Leo after Festus broke her desk. The weird warm feeling after she saw the fixed desk. Casually spending time together; cooking, cleaning, playing, watching shows together… That time when Leo had given her the seeds of her favorite flower… The ‘therapy’ sessions… The Halloween party and the almost kiss after that… the weird tension they’d been having ever since that moment… His smiles and laughs… No matter what would happen, she would always hold those memories close to her heart.

Suddenly, Calypso knew. This wasn’t just some infatuation that would go away with time. She had learned to appreciate Leo’s company more and more, the good and the bad sides, to the point that she was now in love with him. Back in August she had thought that they would probably never get along, but to her surprise they had more in common than she had expected and he had become a big part of her life. Lonely, unsure about their futures, past traumas… that’s what tied them together. And even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to deny that what she had been afraid of had already happened.

“And I will hold onto you.”

Those five simple words made Calypso’s voice crack. With frustration she swept the corner of her eyes quickly and attempted to clear her voice for the last lines of the song.

“Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.”

She looked up from the lyrics with blurry eyes and glanced at the boy with the piano. Some months ago, she had told herself that she wouldn’t let anyone get too close to her. But somehow Leo and all her new friends had just snuck into it, and she couldn’t imagine her life without them. She wanted them to be a permanent part of it, but with so many uncertainties in the future, could she count on it?

“What’s the matter, Cal?” Leo asked when she very clearly had difficulties pronouncing the last few words of the song.

Calypso knew the words she was going to say were probably unfair, but she couldn’t stop herself. The frustrations of that day just demanded to get out. “What’s the matter, Cal?” she mocked him. “I don’t know, Leo. You just… freak out all of a sudden and run away and then you come back and act like nothing happened?! Don’t you understand at all how worried we all are about you?!”

“I…” Leo stammered but didn’t finish his sentence.

“Well? Are you gonna explain yourself?” Calypso asked.

“Listen, you need to understand…”

“Understand what, Leo?”

Calypso waited for a little longer, but when the answer never came, she said: “You know what? Never mind. Clearly I was a fool to think that you care about us… about me the same way I care about you.”

“Calypso…”

Calypso turned her back to him and muttered: “I’m going to see if Jo and Emmie need my help with something. Do not follow me.”

In reality, Calypso withdrew into the closest bathroom and finally let the tears come.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au

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partnersatfazbear · 3 years

Photo

Told you guys lol Some more FNAF related sketches than yesterday. My wife and I, while bullshitting about William and Henry as we tend to do, decided that Henry (after the ‘break up’) just despises Easter and we discussed him going around burning down Easter displays lol Too. Many. Yellow. Bunnies.

Again, practicing some random objects-- yo-yos, coffee cup, needle and thread, shapes.

There’s a sketch of Glitchtrap and Vanny, a nervous Chica, peek-a-boo Springtrap, because I’m just trying to draw other characters. :) I originally didn’t plan for Chica to look so nervous, but it turned out cute so I kept it. I did all these by memory, so there may be inaccuracies...

The image in the middle was a request from my wife lol She wanted Fredbear and Spring Bonnie raising Puppet together. I decided Puppet was a little shit XD But it’s cute.

I also wanna say, I’m having some anxiety over my fic. IDK if the recent chapter put people off, if it was too long, or my ramble was too rambly... but I’ve noticed not many have read it and I’m a little disappointed. My brain is like “It’s cuz William is evil now, I suppose?” but it’s like you all knew that was coming XD I’m not sure--it could be as simple as the Holidays being right around the corner and people are busier. I hope you guys still enjoy it. We’ve only got 2 more chapters left for the main story and I’m working on the “sequel” which will cover PizzaSim and onward (essentially leading into my AU ending?) I don’t know. If you guys read the recent chapter, let me know what you thought, cuz I’m trying not to have anxiety over it >>;

I almost forgot as an update on reading TFC: Jessica (or was it Marla? Who cares) literally ran away from Funtime Foxy (and/or Mangle) for literally like 5 pages. I’m. So. Bored. and I’m running out of book for things to happen and we waste time on unneeded suspense? Ughhhh

Also, because this is what I woke up to this morning:

youtube

For those that don’t know I think some indie games (and lack of growing up near snow) has made me afraid of snowmen. For reference, I’ve only experienced snow maybe 3 times in my 33 years on this earth. ^^; This bunny is a savior to us all.

#sketches #sketchbook #rambles #anxiety #fnafart #fnaf fanart #chica #vanny #glitchtrap #springtrap #henry emily #fredbear #spring bonnie #puppet

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 45

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k // 4.4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: just extra super fluff for this chapter. soo enjoy? i hope you like it haha! also, i know the song she sings comes out a year later buuuut yea, whatever lol! a few more cute fluff chapters before drama happens sooo yea. i hope you guys like it. i know not many ppl read this anymore and its okay. just know i love you guys for being loyal and reading this story after 45 chapters. your comments and reblogs and likes and asks make me so so so happy i cant explain! keep sending ideas youd like to read too :)

only one request for this chapter but its fluff so :P

Chapter 45 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I felt myself waking up slowly but kept my eyes closed. My lips curled slightly when I heard my boyfriend’s voice from the shower and I forced myself to open my eyes. I sat up in bed and stretched but when I pushed the covers off of me, I felt a shiver run up my spine despite the fact that it was the end of june and that it was most likely very warm outside. I put my feet off the bed and moved my toes on the carpet before breathing in and getting up. The door was ajar and the closer I got, the better I could hear Niall sing. I pushed on the door slightly and leaned against the door frame, listening to his voice as the steam hit my skin and warmed me.

I had never felt so happy in my entire life with someone and even after all these months, I could barely believe we were dating. I crossed my arms on my chest and leaned my head on the frame too, staring at my boyfriend singing and dancing in the shower. After a while he turned to me and saw me staring at him. He smiled back and made a quick head movement but I shook my head slightly. He rolled his eyes with a smile and opened the glass door. His hair was full of foam and he looked cuter than ever, making me nibble on my bottom lip despite myself.

“Please?” he asked, raising his eyebrows and making me roll my eyes.

I took a few steps closer, letting my arms fall on each side of my body, and his lips curled more at my sight. When he was finally able to reach me, he grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me his way, making me chuckle.

“No no, I took a shower last night remember?”

He smirked and raised his eyebrows at me, not letting go. “And then I fucked your brains out, remember?” he replied in a smartass tone. “Come on, you smell like good sex and sweat.”

I laughed at his words and let him pull me with him. He closed the door behind me and I held my breath as the warm water fell on me and soaked my shirt and panties. Niall smiled more and quickly moved his head back right under the stream to rinse his hair. I stared at his naked body as he closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair to make sure all the soap was gone.

Without thinking, I ran my hands on his wet chest and quickly, he moved his head up again and opened his eyes, bending down to reach my smile with his. The kiss was gentle and soft and I felt water drops fall from his hair to my cheek. A wave of well-being washed over me and I pressed my hands more on his chest.

“What were you singing?” I asked, tilting my chin up.

“Something I wrote. I’ll sing it to you when it’s done.”

I smiled and licked my lips, staring at him some more. I felt like Niall hadn’t written anything in months and I knew he was missing it. I loved watching and listening to him when he was playing guitar, or when he was sitting in front of the piano, but it hadn’t happened much until very recently. He was not the type to share and I respected that, but I was curious and interested in everything that made him happy.

“Happy Birthday petal.” he whispered against my mouth. “How does it feel to date a younger man like me?”

I laughed against his mouth and felt his lips curl against mine.

“Feels amazing.” I admitted, still amused. “Better than yesterday, for sure.”

“But not as good as tomorrow, yea, I know.”

I laughed more and felt his hands slip under my drenched shirt, reaching under my breasts slowly. I bit my bottom lip as he stared at me before kissing me again but deeper this time. I could feel my whole body throb until his thumbs brushed under my breasts. I quickly held my breath again, my heartbeats accelerating, but he just slid his hands back down to my waist.

“Mm, come on darling, take a shower, i’ll go prepare something while you do.”

“Nooo!” I complained when he took a step back. “You can’t turn me on and then leave me here alone.”

He laughed and shook his head, pushing the glass door of the shower again and getting out.

“Such a horny girl.” he just let out, clearly amused by my behavior.

I sent him puppy eyes but he just shook his head and closed the door, trapping me in the shower before blowing me a kiss and leaving.

I grimaced but decided to wash my hair and body quickly after getting undressed and when I finally got out of the shower, I grabbed a fluffy towel only to realize it was warm and I quickly wrapped it around me.

“Thanks for putting it in the dryer.” I let out with a smile when I walked back into our bedroom. “You’re perfect.”

He had put sweatpants and a t-shirt back on and I stared at his back as I tried to find a similar outfit in one of his drawers. With a sigh, I took my towel off and dressed up before rubbing the towel in my hair to dry it more. After a few minutes, he turned around and sent me a fond smile and I smiled back until he handed me something.

“This is one of your gifts.” He explained, holding out a box about as large as a book, wrapped in silver and pink paper. “The personal one.”

I felt my heart skip a few beats inside my chest and smiled as big as possible, pressing my lips together. These were the gifts coming from Niall that I preferred. Of course, I enjoyed the trips, the spa days, the jewels and the activities he gave but the gifts with a meaning meant a million times more and Niall always knew exactly what would make me happy. He gave me things I didn’t even know I needed before.

I licked my lips and grabbed it, unwrapping it very slowly as he stared at my fingers. I let the paper fall on the floor when I noticed an old picture of us in a frame. It was the one I told him to bring on his trip and my lips curled more but i noticed something at the bottom and frowned, moving the frame up to have a better look. My lips parted when I noticed what it was and I looked up in his eyes. It was a card that was part of a game Lottie had brought at the lodge. I remembered picking up that card from the “Kiss & Tell” game before rushing to the bathroom and locking myself in it. I hadn’t told anyone what was on the card except Niall. We had been laying in the dark and I had showing him right before telling him it was him I wanted to kiss, but I didn’t have the guts to. I looked down again at the card and read the words. “Kiss the person you love the most in the room.”

“I kept it and I didn’t know why. It was in my wallet all this time. I remember wondering how I would have felt if you had kissed me instead of Harry after picking up that card, you know?” he shrugged and looked down at it. “That night you said you loved me more than anyone else in the world and I said I did too. I didn’t understand back then why it was so important for me but now I do.”

He took a step closer and brought his hands to my waist, waiting until I looked up in his eyes again.

“When we fought a few months ago after my trip, I left you here to get drunk. We both went to bed mad, or at least not on good terms, and I realized how wrong it was. I want to keep this frame in our room, right next to the bed, so every time we fight or argue, we always work things out here before falling asleep. I will always kiss the person I love the most right before I fall asleep. Every single night. I promise.”

I felt myself tear up and swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn’t talk, I knew that my voice would crack, and without thinking, I crushed my mouth against his, It hurt slightly but he didn’t say anything. He just pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. He tasted so fucking good and I felt tears fall down my face as we kept on kissing for I don’t know how long. When he pulled away, I kept my eyes closed and brushed my lips against his.

“When you said you were romantic I thought you were the type, you know, to give flowers and stuff.”

He laughed and moved his upper body back to look in my eyes.

“There’s a bouquet waiting for you int he kitchen.”

This time, i’m the one who laughed. I turned around and put the frame next to the bed on the small table and sighed as I looked at our younger faces on the picture. I wanted this house to be full of pictures of us, whether they were recent or old.

“Come, let’s go bake that cake of yours.”

I turned back to him with a frown and tilted my head.

“I gotta bake my own birthday cake?”

He laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me with him until the kitchen and I noticed all the ingredients already out along with a big bouquets of white and purple lilacs placed in the middle of the table.

“The florist said it looked ridiculous and tried to convince me to add other flowers but I knew that’s what you wanted.” he pointed out. “Just in case though, there’s also a bouquet of roses in the living room.”

I smiled more and chuckled, loving the fact that he knew me so well, and took a step closer to him to kiss his lips.

“Aaaand maybe a few tulips next to the piano.” he grimaced before I brushed my lips on his jaw.

“How are you so perfect?”

He searched for my mouth with his and kissed me deeply again. I was not even surprised that his kisses still made butterflies hit the inside of my stomach, even after so many months. I knew it would always be like that.

“Okay, come on now, let’s bake that cake yea?” he said a little louder, getting out of my embrace and turning around to go grab the flour. “We got up late and we have a busy evening and an even busier night!”

“Niall, I said I didn’t want anything big.” I complained with a grimace, letting my head fall back on my shoulders.

“I promise on my life you’re gonna have fun! It’s just a few hours with our friends, and then i’m bringing you somewhere else just the two of us.”

I wanted to be annoyed but the truth was, I was touched and very very curious. I walked up to him as he was cracking an egg, letting it fall in a bowl and I sighed low of happiness.

“Thank you, Niall.”

He turned his head quickly to peck my lips with a light sound and I chuckled.

“Come on, read the recipe out loud will you?”

Quickly, we made the cake mix and ended up having a bit more difficulty working on the icing. I ended up a bit annoyed and searched through his fridge, taking the cream cheese out and putting it on the counter.

“We’ll just prepare the easiest icing ever and pretend we’re amazing bakers, how’s that?”

He laughed and we started working on it in silence right after putting the mix in the oven.

“Just a bit of milk.” I specified. “Do you have vanilla?”

I watched him combine everything in a bowl as I nibbled my bottom lip and added icing sugar slowly to the mix.

“You know, we’re actually a good team.” I pointed out.

I watched him dip his finger in the icing and sticking his tongue out to get a taste.

“Heyy, what about me?” I frowned jokingly before he dipped an other finger in it and wiped the icing on my cheek, making me groan.

“Come here.”

He pulled me closer and licked my cheek, making a shiver run up my spine at the contact of his tongue with my skin.

“You’re right, it tastes amazing, we’re a good team.” he admitted low. “Not just for baking.”

He took the icing again, taking more of it with his finger and putting it on my neck. I held my breath as his tongue ran on my skin and quivered again in his arms.

“I just took a shower, remember?”

“Oh shut up.” he let out, making me laugh, as he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer.

“Can I get a taste, too?”

Without answering, he brought his lips against mine and kissed me deeply but very slowly. I closed my eyes, running my hand in his hair and letting a moan escape my lips. He swallowed it and I felt his fingers slip slightly under my shirt, on the skin of my back. I laughed against his mouth when he broke the kiss and shook my head.

“I meant you know, really taste.”

“Mmhm.” he shrugged, pulling away and taking the icing bowl. “I know that’s what you meant, but you can’t taste your cake before tonight.”

“But-”

“Don’t argue!” he cut me with a smirk. “Go in the living room, i’ll join you, okay?”

I groaned and let my feet rub on the wood floor in an annoying noise as a sign of protestation. It’s only when I reached the living room that my lips curled back again. There was a literal fort made with blankets and cushions and I let out a chuckle of amazement.

“Niall?” I asked loud enough for him to hear.

“Sit down! I’m coming!”

I chuckled and got on my knees, pushing the blanket that acted as a door only to sit on the tiny mattress. I couldn’t believe he had taken the time to make a fort in his own living room and I started wondering how long it took him to plan that. He had placed his tablet on the side and when he joined me, I frowned slightly.

“Why did you bring this?” I asked, pointing it right before a smile reappeared on my face.

He handed me a bowl of ice cream and I started jumping slightly on my ass while still sitting.

“Don’t move too much, it’s not that solid.” he laughed a bit. “I thought we could watch a movie together?”

I sent him a fond smile and tilted my head again before nodding very slowly.

“Great! So I bought your favorite ice cream but added candies, chocolate syrup and caramel, the way you like it.”

“Thank you, Nee.” I let out as he sat in front of me. I moved my upper body closer to kiss him. “Thank you so fucking much.” I kissed him again. “Thank you.” Again. “Thank you.” And again.

“You also get to pick the movie.” he let out with a smile, kissing me back. “We’ll watch anything you want. It’s your day.”

I sat back and looked at him with a smirk, raising my eyebrows as his face changed.

“Now you’re scaring me.” he admitted as I laughed, grabbing his tablet. “Wait what are you doing? Isn’t the movie you want to watch on netflix?”

I held his tablet against me and raised my eyebrows at him again.

“Do you promise we’ll watch whatever I want?”

It took him a few seconds but he finally nodded.

“I promise.”

—

The bar was loud and crowed but we quickly found our friends waiting for us, sitting a bit further with beer and sangria pitchers. I smiled more, a bit excited, and everyone greeted us, telling me ‘happy birthday’ for the first time in person on that day. Louis was the last one and he got up to wrap his arms around me before I hugged him back.

“Happy birthday princess.” he whispered after kissing one of my cheeks and pulling me closer. “I hope your day is perfect, that’s what you deserve.”

I laughed when we pulled away and bit on my bottom lip.

“It is, I have the perfect boyfriend and he made this day perfect.”

We sat down and I felt Niall’s hand slide on my thigh. I quickly put my hand over his and intertwined our fingers, squeezing them hard.

“What did she make you watch?” Louis asked with a smirk. “Back To The Future again?”

Niall’s smile fell and he rolled his eyes, making Louis laugh.

“Which one?”

“Louis, don’t even ask.” Niall argued, shaking his head and making me smile more.

“We didn’t watch Back To The Future.” I pointed out, leaning on the table to get closer to Louis. “I made him watch This Is Us.”

Louis’ eyes moved from me to Niall then back at me and finally on Niall before he burst into laughter, making Niall growl next to me. I squeezed his fingers tighter but I couldn’t help the smile that spread on my face.

“How was it, Neil? To watch a movie with you in it with your girlfriend by your side?” Louis teased.

Niall raised his eyebrows and nose up as he leaned one of his elbow on the table, staring in his friend’s eyes.

“The worst was actually looking at you for an hour and a half, Tommo.”

Louis laughed again and shrugged.

“Guess you’re cursed, mate, because here I am again!”

I laughed and rolled my eyes at their banter until Louis grabbed a glass and poured me sangria. Niall did the same for himself with beer and he finally sighed, the left corner of his lips raising up.

“You know, I can’t really blame her though.” Niall joked. “The girl enjoys looking at me, I just give her what she needs.”

“Oh shut up.” I let out, making him laugh more. “Now what’s so special about tonight? Why are we here anyway?”

I glanced around before meeting Louis’ eyes and he smirked, raising his eyebrows. I didn’t like it and frowned, suddenly a bit scared of what was to come. Julie chuckled and it caught my attention, making me look at her.

“It’s karaoke night.” she explained with a sigh but also a smile on her lips. “And apparently, we’re all going to sing.”

I felt suddenly extremely nervous and without realizing it, I squeezed my boyfriend’s fingers hard between mine.

“Ouch, darling, watch the fingers, they’re important.” he chuckled. “For music and for… you know.. pleasure.”

“Niall.” I whispered, looking down at our hands together. “You know I hate being on a scene. I don’t like attention.”

“You did it a few years ago and you had fun.”

I sent him an annoyed look and sighed, raising my nose up in a grimace. He was right, I had sang a song a while ago at a karaoke night and we always had a lot of fun doing those in someone’s living room, but in public it was a bit different. I was already a bit shy around my friends, so to think i would do it in front of a bunch of strangers made it even worse.

“Here.” Louis let out, pushing the sangria pitcher closer. “Drink up. I’ll go first.”

I swallowed the whole glass in front of me and filled it out again as I watched Louis get on stage and grab a microphone.

“Here’s one of the best written songs in the whole world.” he only explained as the music started.

I held my breath and smiled when I recognized the oasis song and mouthed it with him.

“So Sally can wait, she knows it’s too late as she’s walking on by My soul slides away, but don’t look back in anger I heard you say.”

When he was done and the music stopped, we all got up and started clapping. Liam even whistled loud and I let out a ‘woohoo!“ when he got off stage. He hugged me and bent down to whisper in my ear.

“Do it now, it’s worth it.”

I quickly nodded and he moved away. He extended his hand and I slapped in it before bumping my fist against his.

“Come on, you can do it.” he added as I sent him a smile.

I turned to Niall and I smiled without thinking. I watched him push his glasses on his nose and a bunch of memories of us came back to my mind. I felt so lucky to have him in my life and I chuckled.

“Just for you.”

I didn’t wait for his answer and ran up the stairs as a guy walked up to me to ask me which song I wanted to sing. I told him and he chuckled before nodding and finally left after handing me the microphone.

“I dedicate this to my best friend in the whole wide world.”

The first notes started and I kept my gaze on Niall and when I started singing, I saw him start laughing hard, his mouth wide open. He let his head fall back and clapped in his hands a few times to encourage me.

“Right from the start, couldn’t pull us apart, it just works Nobody else ever gets me as well on this earth Like rock and roll, Marshall’s and telly’s Mac and cheese, PB’s and jellies Some things are better together, and that’s you and me-e

Dude, I love you, bro, I love you Man, I love you You’re my brother from another, 'nother mother You are my favorite, I’m not ashamed to admit Cause I do, dude, I do Dude, I love you, bro, I love you Man, I love you You’re my homie, no one knows me like you know me Like the sun and the moon, all the best things comes in two What would I do without a friend like you?

W-w-w-w-what would I do? Without a friend like you W-w-w-w-what would I do? Without a friend like you?”

I smiled as I sang when I noticed all my friends were standing up and dancing together and when the song stopped, I bowed down quickly and ran back to my friends without really giving them any attention. Niall bent down slightly, his arms open, and I ran to him.. He picked me up for a few seconds and put me back down before kissing me hard, laughing against my lips.

“Good song. Thank you.” he whispered, pulling away. “Now listen to mine, yea?”

I nodded and he grabbed my hand before walking to the stage. When he was far enough, my hand slipped out of his and I just stared at him as he grabbed the microphone. He cleared his throat and licked his lips, making my heart melt in my chest. I sat down but remained on the edge of my chair as he talked.

“For the love of my life.”

It took me literally one note to recognize the song and I held my breath as I felt myself tense. I tried to remember all the words of the song and something twisted in my stomach.

“You’re a falling star, you’re the get away car You’re the line in the sand when I go too far You’re the swimming pool on an August day And you’re the perfect thing to see

And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute Oh, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do Baby, don’t pretend that you don’t know it’s true 'Cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything”

I don’t know why but slowly, I got up and walked closer to the scene as we stared at each other. Was it possible for this love story to last forever? Could this love we felt for each other never fade away or die?

“You’re a carousel, you’re a wishing well And you light me up when you ring my bell You’re a mystery, you’re from outer space You’re my every minute of my everyday

And I can’t believe, uh, that I’m your man And I get to kiss you, baby, just because I can Whatever comes our way, oh, we’ll see it through And you know that’s what our love can do

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything You’re every song, and I sing along Cause you’re my everything Yeah, yeah

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la So, la, la, la, la, la, la-la-la, la-la-la”

I didn’t scream when he was done but I heard all our friends do it. He jumped off the stage and cupped my face the way he had done it after playing the song he had written for me and when his wet lips met mine, my eyes fluttered close.

“It’s been six moths but I love you as much as I did back then, maybe even more.” he whispered, kissing me deeply again. “Definitely more.”

“Thank you, Niall.” I breathed out, swallowing hard as I felt myself tear up for the second time that day. “This day is perfect.”

“This day is not over.” he added, smiling more, the palms of his hands warming my already burning cheeks. “Happy birthday Olivia, I love you.”

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #amc #im always super unsure of my chapters but oh well f it #thats it i hope you like it

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whiskynottea · 5 years

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An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35, Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44, Chapter 45, Chapter 46, Chapter 47, Chapter 48, Chapter 49, Chapter 50, Chapter 51 Chapter 52, Chapter 53, Chapter 54, Chapter 55, Chapter 56, Chapter 57

AO3

Thank you @theministerskat for your beta! ❤️

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Chapter 58. Rain

How long can one night be?

It felt like I was lying in my bed for ages. I wanted to get up, run, do something, but the darkness was heavy outside my window, and my heart felt heavier.

My heart, the one that kept beating, no matter how many times my breath hitched in my throat.

My heart, carrying its own heavy load, waiting.

Holding off was slowly killing me, but I had resolved not to call him again.

Hours had passed while my phone remained silent. A sinking sensation wrapped around me, dragging me down, deeper and deeper.

What had happened, exactly?

I had spent the first few hours rationalizing.

What if something happened to him? No. John would call me. Jamie is fine.

Maybe he forgot his phone at the pool and they are all out celebrating now. But he would send something from John’s phone, right?

Not if he’s still mad at me for not calling him before the race.

Maybe he needs time, and he will call when he’s ready. He’s stressed, and he’s exaggerating. It will be okay.

If only he called sooner.

I had messed up, yes, but it wasn’t like I had been out for drinks, having fun, and ignoring him. And it wasn’t like we hadn’t talked all day. I would explain myself. I would tell him the truth and ask him to forgive me. Simple as that.

Not that I hadn’t done that in my texts already. But texts were not the same.

I closed my eyes and imagined his disappointment when the time had come and I didn’t call, when I didn’t reply to his messages. I could see in my mind’s eye how upset he must have been, his deep breaths as he tried to focus on the impending race. I hoped he’d thought of all the times I wished him good luck in the past, of how much I loved him and believed in him. Or at least to forget everything about me and give his best to the race.

It didn’t matter, really. Nothing was as important as winning the race.

I knew he would do well. He was the best swimmer I had ever seen.

It will be alright. He’ll call back and it will be alright.

I tried to stick with this line of thought and get some sleep. Make this endless night go by faster.

But sleep wouldn’t come.

Where was he? The chances he’d lost his phone were…scarce. He’d seen my texts and was still so angry that he couldn’t even reply?

A single message was all I needed. ‘I’m fine, won the race, we’ll talk tomorrow.’ How hard was that?

It was the first time Jamie had done this. The first time he blatantly ignored me. The first time he didn’t want to talk to me.

Or rather, the second. The first one had been when he got the scholarship, but that had been different.

This wasn’t at all like him.

Maybe he’s preparing a surprise for me?

The week following the New Jersey race would be a slack one. Maybe he’d come to visit me, to celebrate with me.

I let hope nestle in my chest, its arrival gifting me with a few full breaths. Maybe he was flying to England right now. A smile curled the corners of my mouth, up and up, until I was biting my bottom lip in a smile full of expectation.

A moment later, reality crashed on me. Exactly when I was the most vulnerable. It always does that, waiting in the corner until we give way to the dreams, and then rushes to overtake us. With a single move, reality names the dream an illusion and takes it away, with a low, malicious snicker.

My smile vanished in a matter of seconds. Jamie wasn’t coming, and I was a fool to even think he would. He was in New Jersey, celebrating with his friends.

The waiting was killing me. I held in my tears, refusing to cry when I didn’t even know why. When I didn’t know what was happening.

He had left me hanging. He had left me in the dark, alone, with no power over anything.

I felt small. Insignificant. Alone.

When the first tears stained my pillow, sleep took pity on me.

I didn’t dream.

–

Mary’s voice woke me and I felt her hand gently nudging my side.

“Claire? Are you coming to the lecture? We need to go in fifteen minutes.”

The lecture? Did the world have the audacity to go on when my life was crumbling?

For the first time in my life, I didn’t care about the lecture. I didn’t care about anything at all, after checking my phone to find that nothing had changed since the previous night.

That was a living hell, I was sure of it.

I pushed all thoughts and emotions deep down and got out of bed. It would do me no good to stay in the dorm all day, and I had practicals that I couldn’t miss anyway.

I brushed my teeth mechanically for a good five minutes and washed my face with freezing water until the bones in my hands ached from the cold.

Numb – I needed to be numb. Retreat to that place deep inside me where I was safe. A peal of cruel laughter left my lips.

This place, and all the bloody safe places inside me had been opened for him.

There was no safehouse, no hidden crypt. I had given everything and I had nowhere to go now.

I started crying again and immediately rinsed the tears away.

Get yourself together. Don’t think.

I left the bathroom and got dressed. Mary looked at me with a frown, but didn’t ask any questions. I loved her for it. No prying. She would patiently wait until I was ready to talk. Which meant never, in this case.

We walked to campus and headed towards the auditorium. I vaguely registered that it was an interesting lecture, one of those that would fill my head with questions and ideas on any other day. Not today.

Today, I took notes like an automaton. I breathed like an automaton. When the lecture finished, I talked to others like an automaton.

It was like living in virtual reality. I was at Oxford, going on with my day, responding to the stimuli around me as if they were real, but I had this feeling that everything was only a projection on a wall, and real-life would look like the earth had been destroyed by meteors. Or a collision with another planet.

Or maybe that was just my world.

I went on with my day as if nothing had changed, as if I could breathe as easily as the next student in the practical.

I nodded mechanically and I even smiled once or twice when everyone was laughing, because I felt like I had to.

I checked my phone every minute. It felt like a punch in the gut. When I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I turned it off, only to panic and turn it on five minutes later.

Not that I had missed anything.

I thought of texting Jamie again, but what else was there left to say? How many times can one apologize before those three words sound cheap?

I wrote ‘I love you’ at least ten times, only to erase the message a moment later. Didn’t he know that I loved him? What difference would a text make?

After our practical, I followed Mary to the library. I sat down with a heavy textbook and ended up reading the same line twenty times.

It was then that my phone vibrated against the wooden desk.

My heart jumped to my throat, and my knees trembled as I tried to stand up.

It was him, and he was smiling in the picture on my screen and I just wanted to fall back on my chair and start crying.

I didn’t. I swallowed hard, instead, and ran outside. Fat raindrops hit my face, but I hardly noticed them. I wore my earphones, and slid a finger across the screen.

“Hi,” I said, walking away from the entrance and leaning against the exterior wall, trying to shelter myself from the rain as well as I could. The light post was only four feet away, but my face was covered in shadows.

“Hi, Claire.” Jamie tried for a smile, but ended up taking a deep breath instead.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would break through my chest. A ridiculous thought from an aspiring doctor, and yet there it was.

“How did it go?” I asked. “The race,” I clarified, as if it wasn’t obvious.

“Second. I finished second.”

Second. Shit. Is this the reason he didn’t call?

His face was a mask, his voice colourless. I didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry? It sounded stupid. Don’t worry?

I nodded twice, before I mumbled, “Congratulations.” He didn’t seem to hear it. I cleared my throat and tried again, louder this time. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” he said, dismissively.

And then, silence. A long, heavy silence that stretched and stretched until I couldn’t take it anymore. It was stealing my breath.

“Did you celebrate last night?”

Jamie looked sideways, then back at me. “Aye, we went for drinks wi’ the team.”

“Nice.” I tried to smile. “Did you have fun?”

He closed his eyes and set his jaw. I saw his throat bobbing as he swallowed and waited for his answer, but his mouth opened only to close again.

“Are you alone?” I blurted. It was obvious that we couldn’t keep this conversation going for long, and I didn’t want to start talking about what really mattered if other people were in his room.

“Aye. John is out.”

I tried to smile, and let out a sigh before starting explaining myself. “Jamie, I am so, so, so sorry I didn’t manage to call you yesterday. I know you needed me to call and you’re angry at me, and you’re right… But I was in the middle of a tutorial and time went by, and –” I stopped abruptly and squeezed my eyes tight. “I am sorry.”

Jamie nodded but didn’t say a word. I couldn’t recognize the look in his eyes.

“Talk to me, please. Talk to me, Jamie, we will figure it out,” I pleaded in a quivering voice.

“Claire –”

“Yes?” I bit my lip hard, trying to keep the tears inside.

“I didna call ye yesterday and all day today, because I needed time to think.”

The wall behind me was rough underneath my fingertips as I pushed harder against it, wishing for the pain to ground me. To prepare me, somehow, for what was coming. I knew it. I knew him. I could see right through him. The way he talked, how he looked at me… I recognized that look now – the pain and regret, the determination. Tears blurred my vision before he could go on.

“This isna working, Claire,” Jamie said, and I felt a thousand daggers sinking into my heart. I felt them hovering around me all day, biding their time. A whimper left my mouth before I could stop it, and I pushed my lips together in reflex. I looked at Jamie, at the bloody screen, and tried to keep my raging emotions under control.

“What –” I started in a broken voice, and I summoned all my courage to go on. I wouldn’t stop this conversation before it had even started because I was crying. I pushed my fingernails into the wall, willing it to support me. “What do you mean?” When Jamie only shook his head, I continued. “Since when is it not working?” I huffed a laugh, challenging him. “I forgot to text you once, and that’s it? I’m not good enough for you?”

That rilled him up. “Did I ever say ye’re not good enough for me, Claire?” he demanded. “Dinna put words in my mouth!” He then murmured something under his breath, lowering his eyes.

“So what is this? You don’t call, don’t text, don’t even tell me that you need time to think and I’m here waiting for you to deign to inform me that things aren’t working out because the idea stuck in your head?”

“It’s not in my head! It’s in my life! This – what we have... It’s not what it once was, and –”

“And you want to end it?” I couldn’t believe I was uttering those words. This had to be a nightmare.

“Aye.” It could have been a whisper of the wind. It could have been a raindrop falling into the river. It could have been the rustling of leaves. But it was his voice, and the sound choked me. A small word I had heard him say thousands of times. The same word, ending it all.

I bit my lip until I tasted blood. I scraped my palm against the wall, and saw the hand holding my phone shaking.

“Why?”

Why are you giving up on us? Why aren’t you patient? Why are you tearing my heart out?

I couldn’t ask that. I wouldn’t. So I just whispered again, “Why?”

“I love ye, Claire,” he said, and I noticed for the first time that he was crying, too.

Hearing his words broke all the walls I’d tried to build to keep my despair aside. “This makes no fucking sense,” I sobbed.

“I ken, I ken,” he repeated. “I love ye, mo nighean donn, mo ghraidh, my Sassenach. I love ye so much and I wish you were here or I was there, but you’re not and I’m not and I canna go on like this.” He said it all with breath, and then this face paled, as if a chunk of life was torn out of his chest.

“No, no, no.” I shook my head violently, wet curls flying and sticking on my face. “We will make it work, we said we would, remember?”

He needed to remember. He just needed to know that we would be together no matter what, and then he would change his mind.

“I canna. I miss you, and this is not what I thought it would be. Seeing you once every three months? What kind of relationship is that?”

“Our relationship!” I all but screamed. “It’s our relationship and we’ll work on it. This is just the beginning and I am overwhelmed a bit by the workload here, but I will get the hang of it. I know I should have called before the race –”

“Claire!” he interrupted me. “This is not about the race. I mean, it is, but it’s not only that. Ye’re not here when I need to cuddle in bed with you after a hard day. Ye’re not here when I want to go out and dance and feel your body against mine. Ye’re not here when good things happen, when bad things happen, when nothing happens… Ye’re not here.”

“Of course I’m not there! I’m right here, doing my best to be a part of your life! And you knew that, Jamie Fraser! You knew I wouldn’t be there!”

“Your best…” he trailed off before finishing the thought. I was ready for another attack, when he said, “I hadna thought it would be so difficult.”

I repeated his words, mocking him.

“Yes Claire! I thought ye’d be with me until your term started, but no! God forbid! Ye had to volunteer and go to Zambia! And then –”

“You said you were okay with me going to Zambia!” I interrupted him, indignant. I felt my cheeks flaming in anger now.

“I said I didna like it! But ye didna step back! Ye said that ye really wanted to go and really, what choice did I have in the matter?”

I snorted, refusing to talk to him. I couldn’t believe that he was holding my trip to Zambia against me. What else was there that he had never talked about?

“Well, I’m not in Zambia right now.”

“Aye, and what good does it do to us? Ye have internet access and we still hardly talk. D’ye think that thirty minutes per day is enough to keep a relationship going? Because it isn’t!”

I took a long breath through my mouth, blinking at him. I couldn’t believe my ears. “We limit the time of the video calls because of your training,” I spat.

“And your practicals, your tutorials…” He shook his head and his red curls fell into his eyes. It had become one of my habits to run my fingers over his forehead and push them aside, but I knew that even if he was in front of me right now that would be the last thing I would do. Smack him on the forehead, maybe. “Ye didn’t come for my race, as we had agreed. Do ye ken how long it is since we had sex?” Jamie asked, bringing me back to our conversation.

I felt my eyebrows curving in an impossible arch. “What? So this – this is about sex?”

“No. Not only sex, but sex is important, too.”

“Our schedule is fucked up!” I declared.

“I ken!” he shot back. “This doesna change the facts though, does it?”

It didn’t. “We can do better,” I said, more calmly now. My breaths were short and fast, and I stopped for a moment, trying to collect myself. “I miss you, too.” Jamie didn’t reply. “I thought I was there for you, I thought what we had was enough.”

I slid down the wall, sitting on the wet pavement. I was soaked by this point and I didn’t care.

“I thought it would be enough. I wanted it to be.” Jamie’s voice was soft, as if he murmured something in my ear as we lay together in bed. “But I want to live, Claire, not to be constantly suspended between two continents. I want to live here, now. And I wanted to share now with you, even though I couldn’t share here. But I can’t even have that.”

Because I hadn’t sent a bloody good-luck-text. “I don’t know what else I can do. I can’t promise that I won’t mess up again, but I can promise that I will try not to. And I’ll be there in a few weeks. We will spend a whole month together.”

“Sassenach,” Jamie rasped, pained. “Stop. Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what? Love you?” I asked, with an incredulous laugh. “I don’t remember how life was before I loved you.”

Jamie rubbed a hand on his face. His eyes were red and puffed when he looked at me. “It pains me, Claire. It pains me to wake up and know you’re not in my arms, it pains me to count the days until I see ye again. I canna do it anymore.”

I had no breath to speak. Tears kept rolling down my face, and Jamie’s ragged breaths sounded closer through my earphones than the rain pattering on the pavement I sat on. I felt him closer than all the world around me and I wanted to reach out and grasp that feeling, afraid I would never have it again.

“So that’s it?” I croaked, and licked my lips, tasting the salt.

It couldn’t be it. We couldn’t end like this.

“I am sorry. I love you. I will always love you. But maybe this is for the best. For both of us, ye ken.” A sigh, and he continued. “I will focus on my life here, and you on yer studies…”

The words sounded unreal in my mind. I couldn’t reply. I couldn’t agree or oppose the notion, not that it mattered.

Love isn’t a cage. It’s not working that way. Love is like the wind, aiding us in staying airborne, lifting us higher.

“Goodbye, Jamie.”

My finger trembled as I ended the call. I felt the sky drop closer, crushing me. A flash of lightning tore up the darkness in the distance and I closed my eyes, wishing Jamie would be there to hold me in his arms.

But there would be no more Jamie. No one would hold me to keep me safe. No one would brush away the hair from my face. No one would kiss away the tears.

I held my breath in an attempt to verify that my heart was still beating.

It did. My treacherous heart went on with hollow, empty beats against my ribs.

My head hit the wall, and I stayed there, sobbing under the rain until Mary found me.

Chapter 59

#thermodynamics #the first law of thermodynamics #jamie x claire #high school AU #college AU #outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction #sorry?

318 notes · View notes

sparklydreamies · 4 years

Text

Best Shot~ Ch 2

Group: Stray Kids

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 5800+

Summary: Han Jisung, certified quiet boy, has never really understood the hype about love and romance. That is until he has to step out of his comfort zone and onto the basketball court to impress that one person he can’t stop thinking about.

Main Themes: highschool!AU, basketball!AU, internalized homophobia, friends-to-lovers

Chapter 1

MASTERLIST

A/n: so here’s chapter two!! Thank you to everyone who takes their time to read this, it really means a lot to me <33

CHAPTER 2

Unknown: Hey, it’s Minho, I hope you don’t mind me getting your number from Hyunjin lol

Unknown: I just wanted to make sure you were doing well after last night

Unknown: Text me when you get this!

Jisung stared down at his phone for several moments. He was trying to remember why he would be getting texts from Lee Minho, when the only words he’s ever spoken to the boy was probably “Do you have an extra pencil?”

Then it hit Jisung like a missile. Minho was the one who took care of him the night before. Jisung felt a wave of nausea again at the memory.

Oh no... I threw up... in Bang Chan’s bathroom...

Jisung felt his stomach drop down through the floor. So much for not embarrassing himself at his first big party.

“Ji, are you okay?” he heard Chaeryeong say, “you look really sick,”

Jisung waved her off and sat back down in his chair. It was okay. Practically nobody would have even noticed him in that state except for Minho. And Hyunjin, who apparently drove him home. This whole situation sucks.

“Okay well I’m going to go take a shower, I’m meeting some friends today,” she announced before taking off up the stairs to the bathroom.

Jisung thought about how he should respond to Minho. On the one hand, his chest felt warm and he felt appreciated when he thought about Minho helping him, but on the other hand, he felt embarrassed that he let himself be seen like that by any human being- especially Lee Minho.

He opened the chat for the unknown number, and began to type.

Me: Haha, yeah I’m alright.. thank you for helping me yesterday, I’m sorry that you had to see that

Jisung hit send. He sighed and brushed his hair backwards, feeling the slight fever that came with his hangover. Almost immediately, he felt his phone vibrate with a response.

Unknown: Omg no, it’s okay! I’m happy you’re feeling better :))

Jisung smiled at the message and shoved his phone back in his pocket. This was actually kind of nice. Minho has always had this reputation of a dumb jock that plays with girl’s hearts because that’s what the stories and rumors about him had people believe. Now that Jisung thinks about it, he has only heard about these things from a guy who heard it from a guy who heard it from a guy. Maybe Minho isn’t what people perceive him to be.

Coming back to reality, Jisung knew that going to the party was a dumb move. He should have just stayed home and studied for biology, like his mom wanted.

Jisung’s mom and dad were out working today, which didn’t surprise him. His mom barely got any time off, and when she did, she spent it doing other things that didn’t involve interacting with her children. Sometimes Jisung felt like her only purpose in his life was to nag and yell at him about his schooling.

Jisung moved to refill his water glass, which seemed like the only saving grace from his current physical situation. He also grabbed whatever medication he could find in the cabinet above the stove in the hopes of curing his hangover.

Just then, he remembered about the two idiots that got him into that situation in the first place. Felix and Seungmin! He had completely forgotten that he was their ride to the party, and he was supposed to be their ride home.

He fumbled through his pocket to pull out his phone. He quickly opened Felix’s contact number and hit call.

The tone dialed and rang, and he waited for his friend to pick up. After a few moments, Jisung was sent to voicemail. Either Felix was still sleeping, or he was ignoring his calls.

Jisung filed through his contacts again to find Seungmin’s number. Hitting call again, he waited through the ringing.

“What’s happening?” he heard Seungmin answer on the other end.

“Oh man thank you for answering, Felix didn’t,” Jisung told him, slightly relieved that he knew Seungmin was good.

“Let me put you on speaker,” Seungmin said, “Felix is here too,”

“Jisung, I dropped my phone in Chan’s pool last night,” Felix admitted. Of course he did.

“Felix, that’s like the third phone you’ve broken this year,” Jisung nagged.

“Don’t scold me, it wasn’t my fault,” Felix defended, “and besides, I’m not the one who should be disciplined here! Where the hell were you last night? Seungmin and I were looking around for like half an hour to find you!”

“It’s true, we were worried sick,” Seungmin said. Jisung sighed and apologized to the other boys.

“I don’t even remember coming home last night,” he admitted, “I was a little drunk. But how did you guys get home?”

Felix laughed a bit. “You know that girl I was talking to?” he asked.

“No I don’t, because you ditched me,”

Felix scoffed. “You would have ditched you too,” Seungmin laughed at that. “Anyways that’s not the point. She is a college student, and she drove Seungmin and I home,” Felix said, in a teasing, flirty type of voice, implying that driving them home wasn’t the only thing that college girl did.

“Oh is that right?” Jisung asked, “and?”

“And-”

“And...” Seungmin cut Felix off before he could answer with any details, “when she was driving us home, Felix stumbled over his words and instead of saying ‘do you want my number’ or ‘thanks for the ride’, he said ‘do you want ride’, which she took in a very weird way, leading her to kick us out of her car three blocks from Felix’s house where we got rained on at four in the morning,” Seungmin finished, and Jisung could hear Felix punching the other boy in the arm over the phone while Seungmin laughed at him.

Jisung was also laughing. Even though he felt guilty for leaving his friends at the party alone, he was relieved that they made it safely back to Felix’s.

“Moving on,” Felix insisted, “how did you get home Jisung?” Felix asked, and Jisung scoffed.

“Hwang Hyunjin apparently drove me home after I passed out in Bang Chan’s bathroom”. Maybe it was the thought of Jisung passed out in a basketball player’s bathroom, maybe it was the thought of him being driven home by his ex friend, maybe it was still because of Felix’s thing, but the other two boys were laughing so hard.

“Wait, does that mean that your car is still at Chan’s place?” Seungmin asked once he stopped laughing.

Fuck.

“Shit, I guess it is..” Jisung mumbled. How the hell was he supposed to go pick it up? Both of his parents were at work, and neither of his friends could drive him. “Ah, this day can’t get any worse,”

“Don’t you watch movies?” Felix warned, “when the protagonist says that, the day always gets worse,”

Jisung scoffed at him. “I’m honored that you think of me as the protagonist.”

“Why can’t Hyunjin drive you there?” Seungmin suggested. Jisung thought about it. Nobody else he knew had a car and could drive him back to Bang Chan’s. Plus, Hyunjin only lives about four houses down from Jisung. This would involve asking a favour from his old ex friend, and a really long and awkward car ride.

Jisung groaned audibly. “Seungmin, I don’t think Jisung likes that idea,” Felix stated.

“Fine.” Jisung said, and when the boys started laughing again, he hung up the phone. Would you look at that, Jisung’s day managed to get even worse!

Felix and Seungmin knew about how Jisung felt about Hyunjin. When two people who were so close drift apart because of high school social status, things get awkward. Jisung never really blamed Hyunjin for it, he knew how things worked. If anything, he blamed himself for not getting involved in things like sports.

Jisung dragged himself back up the stairs and into his bedroom. Would Hyunjin even be home? Would he want to help Jisung out? There’s no way Jisung should be asking this of Hyunjin after he drove Jisung’s blacked-out ass home from Chan’s yesterday. But then again, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe Jisung could actually have a conversation with Hyunjin and they could become friends again. Ah, but that’s so unlikely. Jisung imagines that Hyunjin probably changed a lot during high school, he seems different than he used to be.

But then Jisung thought about Minho again. Minho wasn’t what he seemed to be at all, so why should he believe Hyunjin is either?

Jisung made up his mind to ask the boy for help. It was only one car ride. So, with a heavy body, Jisung dragged himself to his closet and grabbed some clean clothes. When Chaeryeong got out of the shower, Jisung took his turn to wash up and brush his teeth before getting dressed and heading out towards Hyunjin’s house.

The air outside was surprisingly warm for October weather, which Jisung didn’t mind since he was only in a t-shirt. The sun was also unusually bright, which Jisung didn’t like as much, seeing as he was still battling a major hangover. He passed by a couple people on the street, which makes sense because it was a beautiful day.

When Jisung got to Hyunjin’s house, he hesitated. He didn’t know if asking for Hyunjin’s help was a mistake or not, but it didn’t matter at this point. He knocked thrice on the door.

Jisung heard the familiar bark of Hyunjin’s dog, Kkami as he waited on the front doorstep. The door opened, and Jisung saw the little dog being held back by Hwang Hyunjin.

“Go on, go away,” Hyunjin talked to the dog, and finally settled on scooping him up in his arms.

Jisung always loved that dog. Back when Jisung and Hyunjin were still friends, they used to take Kkami on walks together and use that time to talk about people in their class, and girls, and things that young boys normally talk about.

Hyunjin raised his eyes to see Jisung standing there awkwardly, a nervous smile on his face. Hyunjin was surprised at this, but smiled back anyways.

“Jisung,” Hyunjin greeted, and Jisung gave a small bow to the other one.

Why are you so awkward he asked himself.

“What’s going on?” Hyunjin asked. Jisung brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“Oh, well um..” Jisung started, “I wanted to thank you for driving me home last night...” Hyunjin chuckled a little bit at Jisung, “I know it was probably a burden for you,”

“No, it was alright,” he assured. Jisung felt a small weight lift off his shoulders, “but how’s your mom? She seemed pretty upset when I brought you home, I hope everything’s okay,”

“Yeah, don’t worry about that,” Jisung waved off. There was a beat of awkward silence between the two boys before Jisung realized Hyunjin was waiting for him to explain why he was standing on his doorstep. “Yeah, oh well... I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind doing me a small favour,” Jisung asked, and Hyunjin nodded his head. “You see, I left my car at Bang Chan’s place yesterday, and I sort of need it back, but I don’t have anybody that could drive me to get it...”

“You want me to drop you off at Chan’s?” Hyunjin supplied, and once Jisung saw the genuine look on Hyunjin’s face, he gave a relieved smile.

“I mean, if you don’t mind.. it’s okay if you can’t, though,” Jisung was tiptoeing around what he wanted to do.

“You have to ask me properly,” Hyunjin teased. If there was one thing about Hyunjin that Jisung remembered from when they were younger, it was that he was always big on teasing.

Jisung laughed a little bit because even though Hyunjin was playing with him, it reminded him of how they used to act with each other when they were younger.

“Fine, Hyunjin will you please drive me over to Bang Chan’s house so that I can pick up my car?” Jisung replied, leaving Hyunjin looking satisfied.

“That’s much better,” Jisung rolled his eyes at the taller boy, “let me just go grab my keys”. Hyunjin turned around and closed his front door behind him, leaving Jisung on the doorstep.

Why had Jisung been so nervous to talk to Hyunjin? He hadn’t changed at all. This whole high school social status thing is so overrated. Hyunjin still had the ability to make Jisung laugh, even after months of being separated. Jisung felt happy for the first time that day. Maybe the day wasn’t so bad after all.

Suddenly, the door opened again, and Hyunjin was backing out of it, talking to his dog. “No... no... stay there... good boy!” Hyunjin praised, closing the door and separating himself from Kkami. “Ready?” he asked, and Jisung nodded, making his way over to Hyunjin’s car.

Hyunjin’s family was pretty well off, financially. Hyunjin didn’t have to worry about how he was going to pay for college like the majority of kids their age did. He didn’t even have a job. Not to say that he was necessarily “daddies money” or anything like that, but being the son of a lawyer definitely had its perks. For example, this beautiful car that Hyunjin’s dad bought him when he was sixteen. Of course Jisung was a little bit jealous, Hyunjin was definitely more popular with the kids at school because of it.

That being said, if someone from the outside were to have a normal conversation with Hwang Hyunjin, they would see that though he was very financially secure, his personality didn’t show it. Jisung always assumed that it was the fact that Hyunjin’s mother grew up in a poorer neighborhood without much to live by. When Jisung used to go over to Hyunjin’s house, occasionally she would tell the boys stories about how she used to live with only her mother and brother, each child working at least two jobs by the time they were thirteen. She would use these lessons to remind the children about how fortunate they were, and how not everybody is able to have the opportunity to live a comfortable life like them.

Jisung opened the passenger side door and slid into the car. Jisung had never actually stepped foot inside Hyunjin’s car, he had only seen it from afar. It was every bit of cool on the inside as it was on the outside. There were even leather seats that could be heated in the winter, and cooled in the summer. Jisung thought he was experiencing what living in the lap of luxury would be like.

“Buckle,” Hyunjin reminded before he started the car, and Jisung complied, pulling the strap across his chest and clipping it in place. The car started with a gentle hum. Much nicer than Jisung’s car, that started with uneven sputters and coughs, if it even started at all.

The boys pulled out of Hyunjin’s driveway and down the street towards Chan’s place.

“This car is insane,” Jisung complimented, and Hyunjin chuckled a little bit.

“Thanks I guess,” Hyunjin said awkwardly. For a few moments, the boys drove in silence. Jisung felt the nervousness and stiffness creep back into his system, and he knew that he had to start a conversation to keep himself from being weird.

It seemed like Hyunjin had the same thought because just then, Hyunjin said “So I guess you had fun last night, huh?”

Please, anything but this.

“Uh.. yeah, I guess for a bit..” Jisung blushed a little bit when he remembered he was probably being propped up into this very seat he was in last night, except he was passed out drunk. On second thought, they probably just shoved him into the backseat, which was somehow even worse.

“Someone said they saw you with Im Nayeon, is that true?” Hyunjin asked, taking a right. Jisung remembered the pretty girl from last night with the sparkly eyes.

“People are talking about that?” he asked.

“I knew it was true!” Hyunjin exclaimed, smiling like an idiot. “Good for you, Jisung! She’s so hot,”

Jisung was trying desperately to change the subject. “Do you have a girlfriend, Hyunjin?” Hyunjin smiled a little bit.

“No, not right now, but there are some girls trying,” Jisung didn’t doubt that one, “but I don’t know if I am interested in any of them,”

“Oh, a man with standards,” Jisung teased. Hyunjin laughed and nodded.

“You don’t have a girlfriend, Jisung?” Jisung shook his head. “What about Chaeryeong? Who is she with?”

Jisung felt his heart stop out of surprise “not you, so don’t even try,” he warned, stifling an awkward laugh.

“What? No I didn’t- no I swear I didn’t mean that for me!” Hyunjin spoke in an obviously panicked tone, and Jisung laughed at him. Hyunjin really hadn’t changed.

“Whatever man,” Jisung shrugged. There was no way he was going to tell Chaeryeong about what Hyunjin asked, it would make her think she should pursue him further,

“I don’t know why we don’t hang out anymore, Jisung.” Hyunjin admitted. “I missed talking with you,”

Jisung knew exactly why he and Hyunjin drifted apart, but he wasn’t about to spoil the good mood by bringing the politics of high school status into the topic.

“Yeah I don’t know either,” there was another beat of silence.

“So where are you thinking about applying to next year?” Hyunjin asked. The conversation from there was pretty average for teenage boys. They talked about school, they talked about Hyunjin’s basketball and how he’s hoping to get a scholarship, they even talked about television shows, which seems like pointless small talk, but it isn’t when Jisung could see Hyunjin was clearly very obsessed with Stranger Things. Jisung had only bothered to watch a couple episodes of it, but he still participated in the conversation because he enjoyed seeing Hyunjin so excited.

When they turned onto Bang Chan’s street, Jisung saw that his car was still parked on the curb where he had left it.

“That’s it right there,” Jisung said. Hyunjin pulled into the driveway next to the car, and Jisung unclipped his seatbelt. “Thank you for the ride again, Hyunjin”.

“It was nothing, I was happy to help,” Hyunjin said with a warm smile. Jisung returned the smile, and said goodbye. “I’ll see you at school on Monday!” Hyunjin called out before Jisung closed his door. Maybe he might just be able to rekindle an old friendship.

----

Jisung knew he was fucked when he turned onto his street and saw his mother’s car in the driveway. He forgot that she gets off early afternoons on Saturdays.

Jisung pulled into the driveway beside his mom’s car. He turned the car off, and sat for a moment. Should he even bother going inside? Maybe it would be easier to take off again and hide at Felix’s place so that he didn’t have to face her.

Don’t misunderstand, Jisung loved his mom. Jisung knew that she only scolded him because she wanted him to be a good person, but sometimes it was too much. She was never satisfied with him. And he knew that a mistake like last night’s would be hands down the worst thing that he has done in his seventeen years of living.

Jisung didn’t know how long he sat in the driveway, debating his options before he got a text from Chaeryeong.

Chae: Jisung I know you’re in the driveway, get your ass inside before mom takes her anger out on me!!!!

Jisung sighed and hit his head against his steering wheel. That helped make up his mind that he had to face his mother. So, with a heavy body, he stepped out of the car and made his way inside.

The house was quiet when Jisung walked in. Jisung gently walked into the kitchen where he knew his mom was likely to be sitting, drinking coffee or tea and reading a book.

Sure enough, there she was: still in her nursing scrubs, graying hair disheveled as it had most likely just been pulled out of a ponytail, and a tired expression on her once lively and bright, now worried and exasperated face.

Jisung felt himself cower away from her like a dog when his owner yelled at him, and he made eye contact with his sister, who was washing dishes by the sink. She gave him a shrug, but her eyes were sorry.

“Jisung, sit.” his mother commanded. Jisung obeyed, and sat across the table from her. “I work all day. I come home tired every day. You want to give up your academics for a stupid party, and when I say yes, you come home at three in the morning, unconscious, waking everybody up, making your sister and myself worry, and making me lose sleep before I have to go back and work another hard shift at the hospital, is that right?” Jisung felt his head pounding and his chest tight with regret. He slowly nodded his head. “And then, when I come home, you aren’t even here to take my lesson like a man, is that right?”

Jisung wanted to tell her that he was just going to pick up his car from Chan’s, but he knew that it was no use trying to redeem himself. So he nodded again.

“Jisung wasn’t avoiding you mom, he went to get his car because he didn’t drive home,” Chaeryeong defended, and Jisung knew she shouldn’t have bothered.

“Was I asking you to speak, Chaeryeong?” his mom asked, and Chaeryeong opened her mouth to protest again, but was cut short. “Go start a load of laundry. This is between me and Jisung.” Chaeryeong sulked as she walked out of the living room to do the laundry.

Jisung felt his cheeks burn up.

“I mean seriously Jisung, I am trying my best to raise you right, but this kind of behavior makes me feel like it’s all in vain,” she complained, and Jisung laid his eyes on the floor. How could he look up? “I am not trying to make you upset, I just don’t think that you are making good life choices, and I will not raise a son that throws caution to the wind and doesn’t give a care in the world about his future or his family. Think about how your father and I feel about this.”

“I’m sorry,” Jisung said, knowing it’s the only thing out of his mouth that his mom would want him to hear.

“What if someone had seen you? What if friends of your father and I saw that our only son was spending his prime academic, adolescent years drinking and disappointing us like this? Your actions reflect badly not only on yourself, but on your father and I.” she finished, “Now. Go study.” She returned her attention back to her book.

Jisung stood up from his seat and moved to walk away. He saw the worried lines on his mother’s face, and the disappointment in her features. Jisung wanted nothing more than to be a proud son, but it was impossible to be both a good child to his parents, and a person that is in control of his own life.

Jisung had pondered the idea of going to school in America or Canada multiple times. He was good at English he thought, and he could be far away from his mother, but it was expensive.

Jisung sat down on the edge of his bed when he entered his room.

“What if some friends of your father and I saw that our only son was spending his prime academic, adolescent years drinking and disappointing us like this?”

That was what bothered him most. Hearing his mother call him a disappointment hurt more than any insult any bully had ever given him. Maybe if he was more proper and friendly like Hyunjin, or more athletic and charming like Minho instead of being anxious and quiet like himself, who's barely able to spend over half an hour at a time studying.

Jisung believes firmly that his mother is only treating him the way that mothers are supposed to treat their sons if they want to motivate them into living good lives.

this situation wasn’t even worth worrying over. Jisung will just get over it the same way he normally gets over things. By outliving the stress.

----

Monday came quickly to Jisung, and before he knew it, he was walking through the pull doors and into the over crowded hallways of his high school.

The sound of people talking was somewhat deafening for Jisung, who hated being in crowds of people with a passion. So, he put in his earbuds and listened to whatever music played on his playlist first.

Jisung’s classes were all the same. Nothing new ever happened at school, no matter how badly the antsy teenagers wished for a little bit of excitement. Jisung never really liked change, but he couldn’t help but want something around him to, just so that he could make sure he wasn’t living in a loop.

His moment came directly to him on that day.

Jisung had convinced Felix and Seungmin to find another ride home from school that Monday, since Jisung had promised his mom he would stay late to practice biology. He was okay with this plan, because that gave him time to talk to his favourite bio teacher.

Everybody has their own form of emotional support high school teacher. Some people enjoy ranting to their English teachers, some people make jokes with their history teachers, some people just use that teacher’s class as an escape from the rest of the hellish existence known as high school.

Jisung had Mr. Kim for science in grade 9, biology in grade 11, and biology again senior year. Even though Jisung hates to admit it, even to himself, he sometimes subconsciously thinks of Mr. Kim as the parent figure he has always yearned for in his life.

Mr. Kim knew Jisung as the “quiet kid” when he came to the school in grade 9. He was seated close to the teachers bench, so every day before class, Mr. Kim would start conversations with Jisung. Jisung appreciated it greatly, since he didn’t really have anybody else to talk to before the bell.

Slowly, Jisung began looking forward to that class everyday. Some people didn’t like Mr. Kim for whatever reason, but he was funny and always listened to what Jisung had to say.

On that Monday, Jisung went to the extra help room and took the desk that he usually occupies whenever he goes for extra help. Jisung enjoys the subject of biology a lot, and he has even considered pursuing a career in that field. His mother would be very happy if her son ended up being a doctor or a biologist. Or maybe he could go into teaching and be like Mr. Kim.

Jisung opened his biology books and began to answer some of the practice questions Mr. Kim had assigned, but before Jisung knew it, it was already 5:00 and he had to head home. So, he politely gave Mr. Kim a thanks and a bow. He still wasn’t confident that he could get over 80%, but what was he supposed to do about it now?

Jisung made his way back to his locker to grab a textbook when in an instant, his high school life earned that interesting change that Jisung had been silently yearning for.

Jisung opened his locker and grabbed his books. All of the sudden, he heard loud voices and the sound of a basketball being dribbled on the freshly cleaned hallway floors. Jisung remembered about how the basketball team had after school practices every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Jisung cringed at the thought of facing Minho after what had happened the Friday before.

Jisung closed his locker and began walking away from the sound, hoping to god it was somebody other than Minho. He would rather talk to Hyunjin. Actually, he would like talking to Hyunjin.

It seemed a lot like the universe was out to get him because once he heard the boys come around the corner and begin down the hallway he was on, he heard his name being called out.

“Jisung!” Jisung winced. It was certainly the confident voice of Lee Minho. “I’ll catch up with you guys later, tell Hyunjin I’ll be a second.”

Jisung turned around to see that Minho was walking with Bang Chan and Seo Changbin, who nodded at him and kept walking away. They never stopped dribbling the basketball between them.

“Jisung, wait up,” Minho called, jogging slightly to catch Jisung. It was obvious that Minho had just come from practice. His hair was slightly sweaty, his usually fair cheeks were tinted soft pink, and he was wearing the ugly school basketball uniform, which somehow made Minho look more handsome than Jisung thought it should. “Hey man, how’s it going?” he asked once he got within earshot of Jisung.

“Hey Minho,” Jisung greeted, “I’m fine. Did you just have practice?” he asked. Maybe he could steer the direction of the conversation away from their encounter on Friday night.

“Yeah, but Jisung, I mean... how were you after Friday? I wanted to check up on you again, but I got distracted,” Minho confessed. Why the hell was he so worried about Jisung? It’s not like he ended up in the hospital.

“Oh that, yeah don’t worry I’m fine,” Jisung said, “Saturday kind of sucked for a while, but other than that...” Jisung trailed off. Minho laughed a little bit at that. Jisung noticed a few things about Minho at that moment.

The first thing was that Lee Minho had a beautiful laugh. Jisung had never really thought about people having nice laughs, but Minho’s was just so light and bubbly that it made Jisung smile. Secondly, Jisung realized that Minho was very pretty. Not that Jisung was attracted to him, but he noticed that Minho had very sparkly eyes, and very nice skin. Minho was pretty like a girl, Jisung thought.

Jisung snapped himself out of his own head. “I wanted,” Jisung started, “I wanted to thank you, for taking care of me on Friday.. It was really nice of you, and you didn’t have to do that,” Jisung said, suddenly feeling embarrassed and shifting his gaze away from the other.

Minho smiled at him. “You know you don’t have to thank me,” he said, “you would have done the same,”

Jisung nodded his head. “I’m about to head out,” he said, and Minho answered.

“Oh, well I’ll walk with you”

The two boys began walking away towards the school parking lot. “So how is your team doing this year?” Jisung asked. Maybe if he were to make conversation, he wouldn’t feel so stiff next to Minho.

“Well, we’ve won three games and tied one, but there’s a long way to go until championships,” Minho answered.

“Well winning three games right at the beginning of the season seems pretty good to me,” Jisung said, and Minho nodded. “Then again, what do I know about sports,”

They turned the corner and opened the glass doors that led to the student parking lot. “Yeah, I guess so. You don’t play any sports, Jisung?” Jisung audibly laughed at that. “What, what’s funny?” Minho asked.

“I haven’t played any sort of sport since t-ball when I was seven,” Jisung admitted. “I guess I’m not really the athletic type,”

“I bet you could do it if you tried,” Minho said. Jisung blushed a little bit at that. Why did he blush? Jisung felt happy when the other boy praised him. Maybe it was just nice to be encouraged by someone.

The two boys arrived at Jisung’s car, but neither of them ended their conversation. Jisung leaned up against the driver side door while he talked to Minho.

“Ah even if I wanted to, I’m sure that I couldn’t handle both school and a sport. How do you juggle your studies and being the team captain?” Jisung asked, “it can’t be easy,”

Minho smiled, but he looked a little bit sad. Jisung was confused. They weren’t talking about a sad topic, so why was Minho sad? “I love basketball,” Minho admitted, “It wasn’t my choice to be captain. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate it, but...” Minho trailed off and sighed. “you see, I don’t know if you know this, but our school has won the board championships six years in a row. The boys voted me captain this year, and I’m actually pretty scared that I’ll end up letting them down. I don’t want to be known as that captain that broke the six year winning streak, you know?” Minho began to actually look sad now. His handsome face had very faint lines of worry, much like Jisung sees in his mother.

Jisung understood the other boy’s feelings. That was the moment that he began to truly understand these people. These jocks that have their reputations to uphold, the kids that nobody really knows, but everybody thinks they know. Jisung felt a little bit sorry for Minho.

“Anyway.. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this,” Minho started to brighten up again, like he just flipped a switch inside his brain. Jisung thought that being able to switch from being sad to being happy like that must be a skill. He also wondered how often Minho might actually be sad underneath the charming and confident exterior he always wears. “I guess you’re just very easy to talk to,”

Jisung smiled. “I like talking to you too, Minho,”

Just then, there was a loud honking noise, and both of the boys turned their attention towards the nice, white car that Jisung knew belonged to Hwang Hyunjin.

“Shit, I guess they’re waiting for me,” Minho said, “Jisung, maybe we could do something some time? Would you want to?”

Jisung was a little bit shocked that Minho wanted to spend more time with him, he didn’t get why the other boy would bother. Still, Jisung liked talking to Minho. So, he nodded a yes, and Minho smiled at him.

“Great! I have your number, I’ll text you!”

“Okay,” Jisung agreed, and Minho made his way over to Hyunjin’s car, where Jisung saw about six other boys were crowded in. Jisung thought that the car must smell like sweat and feet with those boys in it.

Once Hyunjin drove the other boys away, Jisung got into his own car. It was then that he felt the way his heart was beating so fast. He felt really weird after that conversation with Minho, it was hard for him to describe. All he knew was that he loved the feeling, and he wanted to be Minho’s friend really badly.

Jisung couldn’t stop smiling the entire car ride home, or for the rest of the night. He couldn’t even figure out why.

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walkerwords · 3 years

Text

“The Savior Sessions” Part 11 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader

IMAGE CREDIT: GENE PAGE/AMC

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: Part 11! The reader has to greet the newcomers and try to convince Michonne to do the right thing...

Word Count: 2584

Warning: Swearing

Song I Wrote To: “Off My Mind” by Radio Company

Note: Bit more of a filler, but I am slowly trying to map out the timeline that extends from the beginning of the whisperers all the way through s10 finale. I am going to be staying as close to canon as possible with a few changes. For example, Negan getting out, certain deaths, and of course Alpha and company. There will be spoilers in the upcoming chapters.

------

Staring at the group in front of you, you felt an immense amount of pressure building in your chest.

The man before you, Luke, was still gripping your hand. He was waiting for you to say something, but your brain was moving a mile a minute. Not just because of Negan, but because you hadn’t been faced with a decision such as this one. Michonne was the one to make the rules.

It was an unspoken thing, her reign over Alexandria. Before Rick had died, he was the one in charge, but since the bridge incident, the council had been born. However, everyone knew that if Michonne said no, that was the law and she would not be happy with what was happening right now.

“This isn’t my decision,” you said, taking back your hand from the stranger and giving your full attention to Aaron.

“It is now,” he said, and coming up behind him was Gabriel who was nodding in agreement. You looked back to the newcomers and noticed one of the women was signing to another, translating everything that was going on. You also noticed that the woman who was injured wasn’t looking much better.

“(Y/N),” Judith said, pulling your attention. You looked down at the girl, worry still on her freckled face. “This is Luke, Connie, Kelly, Magna, and Yumiko. They need medicine and water, please.” All you wanted to do was be there for the little girl, but you had never been put in this position before.

“I don’t know what to do,” you admitted. “Michonne, your mom, she needs to be the one to make this decision.” Judith frowned, ready to make her case when suddenly the far gate opened and you heard the unmistakable pounding of hooves along the road. Michonne was home. “Oh, thank god,” you whispered.

“(Y/N), please,” Judith begged. You reached down and squeezed the hand that was gripping the bottom of your shirt.

“I’m sorry, Jude, but it’s up to your mom,” you said, and with barely a glance towards Luke and Company, you jogged over to Michonne as she dismounted from her horse.

“What is this?” Michonne asked, already seeing the small group forming around the others.

“Judith found them,” you explained and it was enough for Michonne to rub the space between her eyebrows.

“My kid, always the good one,” she muttered and then let out a deep sigh. It was then that you could already tell what she was thinking and it wasn’t good.

“Michonne,” you began, “just let Siddiq look at the woman. She’s hurt and Judith saved them. I know your rules, but we’ll keep them under guard.”

“You know that we can’t,” Michonne said, her hand snaking back around her waist to hold onto the sheath that held her katana. You noticed that she did that whenever she was on edge. It seemed that was her natural state these days, not that you could blame her. Michonne had seen enough terror in her life to last a lifetime.

“We are better than this and you know it,” you challenged. Michonne blinked at your strong tone but relaxed her arms.

“I am thinking of our people, (Y/N),” she said back, staring you down.

“And you don’t think I am? Alexandria has always been a place of refuge. What would our people think if we just said, ‘good luck people, go and fend for your damn selves,’?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“We did,” Michonne reminded you and your mind flashed back to those days on the road after Terminus. You glared at the woman, knowing that she was trying to get you to cave, but you had dealt with enough of your own bullshit over the years.

“Aaron found us,” you argued. “He invited us here and you were one of the only ones to convince Rick to accept Alexandria. Aaron took a chance on us and because of us, we helped this place thrive. Hilltop, Kingdom, Oceanside, all of them accepted us and we helped them because we believed that there were more good people out there.”

“You weren’t there, (Y/N),” Michonne said and you knew what she was referring to. Only she and Daryl had witnessed the horrors of Jocelyn. You weren’t even sure if Judith remembered the day she was taken.

“I know,” you said, this time your tone much softer. “However, I also know that we are not the kind of people who have stopped caring.” She was quiet for a moment, thinking over your words and eventually she hung her head before looking back towards Aaron. Her eyes fell on her daughter who was looking at her with those big brown eyes of her and the determination of a Grimes. She looked back at you and then nodded.

“I will speak to the council,” she settled on and you sighed,

“Thank you, Michonne,” you said and she nodded once before grabbing her bag and heading over to her daughter who was still looking at her with a pleading expression. Not wanting to intrude, you decided to head out of the community to make sure that nobody had followed them

The last thing you needed was for Michonne to blame you for something you championed for.

------

You had killed a lot of Walkers since the beginning of the Apocalypse, but it still never failed to gross you out.

Once you realized that the group had been alone, after all, you began the trek back towards Alexandria. Nevertheless, the monsters of the new world had still managed to ruin your day. After fighting through a small pack of them, you were exhausted.

Your mind began to wander towards Hilltop as you walked through the woods. You hadn’t been to see Jesus in some time and you were missing him a lot. When you had met the eccentric man the day Rick and Daryl dragged him into Alexandria, the two of you had connected almost immediately.

With your skills as a long-distance fighter and his close-quarter combat ones, you were an unusual, but strong duo. You often worked as a spotter for the man, keeping your hand on the Walkie as he fought through hoards of Walkers or smaller groups of Saviors. Then, when Paul had approached you about taking the survivors of a Savior outpost back to Hilltop to keep them as prisoners instead of killing them, you had backed him.

Maggie was not thrilled that you were not willing to kill the Saviors, but that wasn’t how you thought anymore. You knew that you had to kill to survive some times, you had even done it yourself, but there came a time when the killing had to end.

Jesus always told you that holding grudges would never amount to anything and you believed him. It was why you had never told anyone that Rick had actually come to you to discuss what he was going to do with Negan.

You had told Negan that there wasn’t a vote, but what it actually was, was a conversation between you and the man you trusted most in your life. You weren’t sure if even Michonne knew what was going to happen on that field when Rick slit open Negan’s throat.

That day had been one that nobody wanted to remember. There was already too much loss on both sides and after losing Carl, nobody wanted there to be more carnage.

Well, except for Maggie Rhee.

You couldn’t even begin to think about what she would be thinking right now if she knew what you were feeling when it came to the man who murdered her husband.

You were close to Maggie once, but after Glenn died, the two of you had begun to pull away from each other. You both missed Glenn, but while you were just trying to resolve the issue, Maggie was out for revenge. Never once did you blame her for it, she had every right to want Negan dead, but you weren’t so sure that Negan was still that man.

At least that was what you felt.

As you approached the main gates of your home, that analytical side of you, the one that made you such a great teacher, began hounding you. You couldn’t stop all the scenarios that ran through your head and all the possible negative reactions that could happen if anyone outside of Alexandria found out about you and Negan.

However, there was still one thing that offered you comfort. You knew that your best friend, Paul, would not judge you and as you stepped into Alexandria, you felt the urge to run all the way to Hilltop. Instead, you let Eugene roll the gate behind you and seal it shut.

--------

The next day, Judith Grimes sat on the steps of her home as she did her homework.

“Airplane ‘A’ and airplane ‘B’ are 1000 miles apart. If airplane ‘A’ is flying east at 500 miles per hour and airplane ‘B’ is flying west at 650 miles per hour, how…”

“You know what?” Negan interrupted, “I would definitely recommend booking a seat on airplane ‘C,’ because that is shaping up to be one hell of a mid-air collision.”

“You gonna help me or what?” Judith asked with a frown, the small sheriff figurine in her hand as she read from her textbook. Negan chuckled, watching her from the small window of his cell.

“All right. Let me ask you somethin',” he began, “you ever seen an airplane fly in any direction, at any speed?”

“No,” Judith said.

“Do you think you ever will?” Negan asked.

“Probably not,” Judith said.

“So, what the hell difference does it make?” Negan asked. “See, math problems are supposed to apply to the real world. You want my help? Give me a question or a problem from right here, right now.” Judith was silent for a moment as Negan waited patiently for her to continue, but instead of math, she diverted the conversation.

“You know the strangers we brought here yesterday? My mom's gonna make them leave,” Judith said with a sigh, pushing up the brim of her hat slightly.

“Well, no, I didn't know,” Negan said with a smile, “but let me guess. You being you, you wanna help 'em.”

“I found 'em. I brought 'em here,” Judith argued.

“What does (Y/N) think? Ain’t they second in command or somethin’?” Negan asked, wondering where your head was at.

“They think that they should be able to stay,” Judith revealed, closing her book and bracing her elbows on the cover.

“Does your mom agree?” Negan asked.

“No, but (Y/N) got her to let Laura stay after the war,” Judith explained. “They’ll get Mom to let these people stay too. I’m almost positive.” That bit of news had Negan slightly surprised.

“They wanted Laura to stay?” he asked. While he knew that Laura was the tamer of his former fighters, she was still a Savior and he didn’t think her transition into Alexandria would have been that easy.

“(Y/N) wanted as many people to live after the war as possible,” Judith told him, “They don’t like it when people die. I like that about them.”

“Me too,” Negan said softly.

“What are you two chattin’ about?” you said as you approached the duo. Negan’s eyes lit up as you came into view, a bottle of water swinging from your fingers as you looked at Judith with a smirk on your lips.

“Math,” Judith said nonchalantly.

“Mmhmm,” you said, not buying it for a second. “Your momma is askin’ for you, Jude,” you said with a nod towards her house behind her.

“Okay, fine,” Judith said with a sigh.

“Wait a minute,” Negan said, “Where you going? I thought you wanted my help.” you looked over at him with a smile and he sent you a wink.

“I do, but just with math,” Judith said, gathering up her stuff.

“Why just math?” he asked.

“Because it doesn't matter if you're a good or bad person on the inside. The numbers don't care,” she said with a shrug as she jogged up the steps and into her house. You watched her, your mouth open in shock.

“Wow,” Negan said as soon as the door closed behind her. “Since when is she that sassy?”

“Since she was born,” you said with a snort as you leaned against the gate, turning your back to him. “Just lettin’ ya know, shit might start hittin’ the fan. Michonne is on edge.”

“Ain’t she always?” Negan asked with a sigh. “This about the newcomers the kid found?” You nodded, twisting off the cap of your bottle.

“She thinks Hilltop will take them. Apparently, the meeting didn’t go too well. One of the women is a bit… edgy.”

“Will Maggie take them?” Negan asked.

“It’s not up to Maggie. It’ll be up to Jesus and Tara,” you explained. “Maggie isn’t at Hilltop.”

“No?” Negan asked in that curious tone you liked so much.

“She went away for a bit,” you said, “At least that’s what Enid told me last time I talked to her.”

“So what does this mean?”

“It means that Michonne is going to have to finally talk to the people we once considered friends.”

“And you?” he asked.

“I am going to have to keep my head on a swivel,” you said with a sigh. All the drama that had come up hadn’t helped the insomnia that had crept up on you in the past couple of weeks.

“Which you will, of course,” he said and you rolled your eyes.

“You really have so much faith in me, don’t you?” you asked with a sly smile.

“I like to put my money on people I know will win,” Negan said and you just knew he was shrugging.

“What exactly is the competition?” you wondered.

“Life,” he simply said.

“I am not so sure you can win at life, Negan,” you said with a small chuckle, drinking from your bottle.

“I don’t know, (Y/N), I seem to be doing pretty damn well,” he said, his voice lower and you almost choked on your water right then. You weren’t quite sure what to follow with after that statement and he seemed to realize. “Too strong?” he asked, worried he may have pushed it a bit far.

“No, no,” you said, turning to face him. “I just, uh,...” you tried to find the words.

“You’re blushin’,” he pointed out with a sly smirk.

“It’s hot,” you said.

“Not really,” he whispered back.

“Shut up.”

“Is that a challenge?” he asked with a quirk of his brow.

“It’s an order. I am still technically your warden.”

“I thought that was only when I was in your bed,” he said as he wet his lips with that grin of his.

“You were never in my bed, just beside it,” you clarified.

“Optics,” he said with a wink, and you were reminded of the time you had said the same thing to him when discussing the details of who started the war. Pushing off the gate, you straightened your clothes.

“I am going to go and do something...something else,” you said, still flustered.

“Yeah, maybe ask Siddiq about what to do about a heatstroke,” he teased and you flipped him off. “How adorable,” he cooed.

“I hate you!” you called as you walked away.

“No, you don’t!” he yelled back and you chuckled under your breath.

No, you really didn’t.

TAGS: amaroho @thanossexual @yes-sir-hotchner @boom-bunny @delusionalteenagewhispers @scootankle @ritajammer21 @writteriguess @tea-atfive @jennydehavilland @halszka-potter @yespleasejayhalstead @fmunegan @hoemadegrace

#walkerwords #twd imagine #twd fics #twd fanfiction #negan x reader #negan imagine #the walking dead #savior sessions #Negan

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