#i understand why they stopped doing it because like. it was a pretty predictable/repetitive bit

[danvillecheese]

the general audience versus the rest of us

this analysis is not to degrade anyone outside of or in the fandom, it’s simply to showcase how differently people remember phineas and ferb. there are a number of topics I will delve into, all of which are lovingly put into sections under the cut. so, with no further ado… enjoy!

how normal people watch it

so if you’re like me and watched pnf occasionally on tv growing up you’ll remember bits of the show. you’ll remember it’s repetitive and episodic nature, the way everything goes back to how it was at the start of the day. phineas and ferb think of something to do, candace attempts to bust them, perry fights doofenshmirtz, and doofs machine makes phineas and ferb’s invention disappear, sticking to the status quo of what linda typically sees. it’s predictable, but not in the sense that you necessarily know what’s going to happen. maybe you do, or something happens that subverts your expectations. the “typical phineas and ferb episode structure” (or TPNFES, I’m calling it that now) is how a lot of people who haven’t seen the show in a while will remember it. or maybe not. maybe they remember doof making an inator that does x. or they remember the aglet song (never forget ze aglet!). it’s typically something you’d have seen at least a couple of times during its original run.

and no, of course there’s no problem with only remembering one or two things about a show from your youth. I personally watched a lot of shows as a kid that I don’t remember a thing about. yeah I watched LazyTown when I was like four but if you asked me the plot of any episode I would NOT be able to tell you. and it’s because it wasn’t something I was really interested in. and of course, kids can be interested in shows and know a lot about them and then hit their teen years and not remember much about them later. but if they go back and absorb that content again? they see stuff they missed the first time, or stuff they definitly remember. hell, they might even sing along to A.G.L.E.T. because as everyone knows, pnf lyrics stay with you forever. (even if you haven’t heard the theme song in a decade you won’t forget the lyrics. that shit is hardwired into you from the moment you first see it.)

my point is, a casual viewer doesn’t do anything more than just… watch the show. hell, sometimes they don’t even watch it, they’ll have it on in the background while they’re on their phone or doing something else (couldn’t be me!!). watching the canon content just once gives them the satisfaction of starting and ending the show. they don’t go into detail about it. they probably won’t open an ao3 tab the moment the last episode finishes. they won’t make a tumblr sideblog dedicated to understanding the intricacies of character arcs, their goals and ideals and how they interact with others. they don’t care enough to do that bc it doesn’t make their brain go insane for more knowledge about the show. and as strange as it sounds, they don’t have it on their minds for that long. yeah, maybe theyll think about how nice the songs were in that s4 finale but after that, that’s it. they’ll move onto something else.

how I watched it

I watched phineas and ferb as a kid. I’m pretty sure I watched it when it first aired, too. perhaps not in 2007, it might have been the year after when it actually started premiering (nz airing is so far behind it’s not even funny). I watched it as it aired, and then grew out of it around the middle of s3. I got a little older, started watching different shows, and I was just generally doing other stuff. I have a vivid memory from 2012 when a kid from my class told me that pnf wasn’t worth watching bc the same thing happens every episode and my socially inept ass went “omg ur so right” and I stopped watching it. fast forward a couple of years and I hear that the show is like, actually finally ending. idk why but I remember it being in 2014, not 2015 when it actually did air (the pnf wiki doesn’t have the date for the nz airing of last day of summer so I guess we'll never know if it aired early or not) but I watched it and kinda just carried on with my other interests at the time.

around 2017, I start talking to an internet friend from the same country as me. we talked about our upbringings and stuff we used to watch on tv, and she brings up phineas and ferb. aha! I know that one! it encourages me to rewatch the show and before I know it, I’m shoulder deep. i mention facts about it to real life friends and family (“there’s a pnf episode where…”) and I go hunting for interviews and comic-con panels with the whole cast on youtube. you know how it is. I start going through the posts on tumblr and I find a sibling show of sorts – one that also has a crossover planned for 2018. I watch that show. I lurk in the shadows of the tumblr tag for a while. I start writing fic. I draw the characters on any piece of paper I can get my hands on.

it all comes to a head in october 2018, when I wrote a phinjeet fic called cappuccino, and one of my favourite artists EVER made fanart of it. and obviously, I had to put it somewhere. I’d thought about making a dwampy sideblog for ages and had no idea what to call it or anything, but this was all the encouragement I needed. I made the sideblog. I reblog the art. then I went through my likes and got some of the pnf/mml posts out. fast forward almost five years, and here we are. still just as insane, just with a new username.

in short — no, my experience watching pnf is not one of those typical of a general audience member. I mean, it would have been, if not for that fateful conversation with my internet friend that basically rebooted me and quite literally rewired my brain to be insane about this cartoon universe. I’m not by any means a casual viewer of this show. I know more than an average person would about it, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I adore this little community of ours. and being able to crack out of context jokes that come from the shows to older people who I know have never seen it, well, it’s a cherry on top.

both the GA and the fandom contribute to the culture staying alive

there’s certainly a way that the general audience keeps pnf alive, even if they have no idea they’re doing it. they’ll make very generic memes about it (you know the ones I’m talking about) and they’ll circulate the internet for a bit, reminding everyone about the show they watched casually as a kid. us, on the other hand, make very very niche memes about it. like hieroglyphics. and combovers. (see what I did there?) ours tend to stay in our little circulation, minus the ones that break containment. you get it in any fandom though, it’s certainly not limited to us.

as many times as you’ll see the posts that attempt to explain the ‘doof is phineas dad theory’, you’ll see just as many responses debunking it. or seeing dan and swampy debunk it, as they should. (honestly I think we need like crystal fucking clear evidence in the reboot to explain it otherwise it’s just gonna keep happening.)

the circulation of phineas and ferb itself through any means, be it memes or actual conversation that prompts a rewatch or even just a memory of the show, keeps the show relevant. I think one of the more notable ways this has happened is dan povenmire getting tiktok famous and basically reminding every older gen z kid about the show. to quote jeff swampy marsh – “plus there’s always reruns so the show will never die” – sure, disney channel itself barely exists anymore but reruns can also kinda be translated into disney+ rewatches or even just the passage of a meme on the internet.

phineas and ferb has stayed, somewhat, consistently relevant. I mean, think about it. since pnf started airing, there hasn’t been a year (except for 2021) where nothing has happened. pnf aired from 2007-2015, milo murphy’s law aired from 2016-2019 (which includes phineas and ferb characters so I count it as pnf content) and catu came out in 2020. dan’s own show hamster and gretel started airing in 2022, and based on the poster, I don’t think we’ll be missing any phineas and ferb characters at all. dan basically confirmed it. and truly, it’s what keeps the show alive, even when it’s not really there.

things in the show that the ga have very different opinions on, re:

candace and jeremy’s relationship

something the general audience haven’t caught up with yet is the way that candace and jeremy interact within the show. sure, if you haven’t watched it since you were 10 then you probably remember candace being like insane and loud about the boy she’s obsessed with. if you watch it again, you’ll see that jeremy is almost just as bad. it’s just downplayed because he’s not a main character. we don’t see his perspective NEARLY as much as we see candace’s, which might make it seem a bit more one sided or unrequited than it actually is.

in the episode “backyard aquarium” from early s2, we’re shown a montage of both candace and jeremy trying to ring each other for a whole day, until candace goes to bust her brothers and forgets about her phone for a little moment. this gives jeremy time to leave eleven messages for her. obsessed much? (it’s actually kinda sweet) and yeah, they’re teenagers. every feeling seems way more amplified than it actually is so both of them getting upset that they cant contact each other is pretty realistic, even if it is just played for laughs.

there’s a lot of really thorough characterisation when it comes to both of them. mostly with candace, obviously, she is THEE main character of the show so clearly she’s deep and very fleshed out. we don’t see it as much with jeremy but we get pretty good glimpses of it when it’s shown. he’s got the picture of her from “the bully code” in his guitar case. he likes her so much! he put her picture in the place he keeps one of his favourite things!! he’s down so bad for her! but of course, if you don’t actually pay attention or care especially about any of that stuff, you’re going to miss it and generalise about it. and it unfortunately applies to quite a few things in the show. sigh.

doof’s relationship with his parents

for real, fuck those guys. I think the ga are pretty aware of this part, and if you asked anyone to say what one of doofs backstories are they’d probably say “his parents didn’t show up for his birth!” or “he was a lawn gnome!”. both of which are specifically tied to his abhorrent relationship with his parents. but what they potentially don’t remember is how he still tries to gain their affections anyways. it’s the classic trope of not being able to cut off your abusers simply because you just can’t, morally. you still want to prove yourself to them and make them see you’re worth having around even if they never liked you in the first place. heinz tries very hard both in his youth and in the show itself to gain affection from both his mother and father. these include:

the teddy bear and trying to be good at kickball (thaddeus and thor)

the original gnome (fathers day)

even the fucking clip show episode from the end of season 3 (this is your backstory) where his mother comes back and he goes in for a hug and is instead greeted with a smack. hmm.

even just those examples are enough evidence that yes, heinz did actually really try with his parents even if they didn’t care. and again, it’s unfortunately played for laughs that heinz is constantly beaten down by almost everything around him but as we know, he gets a real family at the end of the show and things seem to work out well for him. does he get closure with both of his parents by the end of s4? maybe not his mother, but sort of with his dad. and yeah, maybe they’ll get into that in the reboot. but it’s definitely something the ga never noticed. it’s always about laughing at his tragic backstories, even if that is the point of them, not necessarily feeling bad for him and wanting to see him come full circle with everything that’s happened to him. and it does!

isabella and her one (1) personality trait

according to the ga, isabella garcia-shapiro is a one dimensional character who’s only personality trait is having tunnel vision heart eyes for the boy across the street. is your blood boiling yet? mine is! isabella is one of the most fleshed out characters in the show, with a large family and interests outside of phineas. hell, she’s the leader of her fireside girls troop which is a huge part of her personality. she’s brave and strong and gives ominous patch related threats to a man almost five times her age. but no, the general audience will only ever see isabella as the girl obsessed with phineas. I’m not discrediting this at all because yes, she’s obsessed with him. she’s a simp. definitely nothing wrong with that at all! but the ga claiming that it’s her only personality trait? get fucking REAL this girl is deep and gets upset and anxious and emotional about things that have nothing to do with the boy she’s in love with. even if it does have something to do with that, she carries on anyway because she’s strong as hell. it’s not the first time a character has been like that on disney channel — I mean, kim possible was pretty boy crazy but her crime fighting always came first, right? (really showing my age with that reference. wow) and I hate to reference act your age bc it’s vile but she doesn’t only ever spend her time moping over phineas as a teenager, she keeps herself busy and helps her mom at the restaurant and is an RA at her college and does a whole heap of other things! she’s multifaceted and it’s what makes her a really compelling character to watch. and watering her down into just the girl who likes phineas is a huge discredit to her character.

so, where am I going with this?

I’m not saying ever general audience member has to rewatch phineas and ferb a million times to understand every single character arc. hell, I’m not even saying that they have to rewatch it at all. there’s such a huge divide when it comes to it, and obviously not everyone is going to experience everything the same way. a lot of people simply don’t care enough to crack open the psyche of every phineas and ferb character to understand their motivations. that’s just the freaks (affectionate) who roam on tumblr, eager for media analysis of a childrens cartoon that ended almost a decade ago.

for a lot of us, it’s very satisfying to be able to analyse specific media. there’s writers and storyboard artists that put all that stuff in the show for a reason, right? it makes us want to see parallels and understand where a characters moral alignment sits and why exactly buford speaks latin. and for others, they’ll simply watch a show and move on. there’s no need for them for it to be on their brain 24/7.

overall, there’s a stark difference in the way people watch a show as iconic and culturally significant as phineas and ferb. the general audience watches it very differently to us, and that’s okay! it happens with any piece of media. there’s casual fans that watch something once and then the very not casual fans who have it on the brain constantly. and then there’s fans that have been very absorbed in the fandom and move on, which again, you’ll get anywhere. nothing about the dwampyverse fandom is limited to us, in terms of the way things go (not the source media itself. name one other show that has anything REMOTELY similar to pnf happen in it.) most people know the show, and most people don’t know about the insane and obscure facts about it, and I think it’s fantastic.

goodnight tri-state area. thank you.

#phineas and ferb #cj writes unecessary analysis abt a show that ended almost a decade ago. nothing new here #in my insane era (again) #dwampyverse analysis

[yousaytomato]

I miss in the old eps of BuzzFeed Unsolved Supernatural when Ryan would regularly get Shane to listen back to noises that their recording equipment picked up on the night but that they didn't hear at the time and it always just boiled down to Ryan being like "this is proof! You can't explain this!!" and Shane just being like "old houses make sounds 🤷‍♂️"

#i understand why they stopped doing it because like. it was a pretty predictable/repetitive bit #but tbh. the whole show is like that and that's kinda part of its charm. it's consistency is reassuring #versus the supernatural/inconsistency of the ghost-hunting content #they also always seemed to be cramped into the tiniest room ever listening to those recordings #big sharing headphones in the back of a bus with your friend energy #BuzzFeed Unsolved #woes of emily #bu #i love when they would disagree about what was being said too #they spend a lot less time dissecting each thing that happens now....i think mostly because ryan is less convinced now it seems #honestly. it's a fun series. but with the watcher channel I'm not exactly sad to see it go #if it ending was the end of the ghoul boys I'd be upset but it definitely isnt so #oh shit! i just continued watching the new episode ep and they actually did a review of it!

[luque-moreau]

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

ye

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different. 

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd.  this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be   v  e  r  y   enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information. 

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #theory #headcanon #razputin aquato #this is real biased #isnt it

[writeangstime]

Fortune teller (Thomas Shelby x Reader)

Title: Fortune Teller Fandom: Peaky Blinders Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Reader Genre: Drama (a bit) Warnings: None right now Summary: You are a novelty in town and no one knows what you are up to, so naturally you are the new talk of the town. Are you friend or foe? Thomas needs to find out and you are not helping.

Author’s note: So it is late in here and I wanted to post it right now because tomorrow my work will kill me. I’d love to make a series with that, so if anyone of you actually read this and would think that the continuation is a good idea, hit me up anywhere you want.

Every new face in Birmingham was an interesting thing that somehow could be either a game changer or another face in the crowd, but there was something behind them. A family name, a reputation that could tarnish even the most spotless personality or character that, blossoming in the hard times, showed the best or maybe even more, the worst of the person. But you didn't.

You were something of a mystery that nobody in town could ever wrap their head around it. Because one day a black car moved through the streets, stopping in front of one shop and you stepped out of it, nonchalantly as you belonged to this world and no force in the world could ever stop you. Well-tailored clothes that nicely wrapped around your posture and moved swiftly for whatever your goal was. It might be an oddity or an anecdote that would reappear from time to time when the locals would be bored and the gossip source would run dry. But somehow, you decided to stay.

Half of the Small Heath found an excuse to be there the day you decided to move into one of the empty houses, the men walking all around the place, coming in and out of the place as they brought more and more of the things the people around this place could only call "exotic". It was fair to be said that it was the best moment to consider if there are enough safety locks on your doors that would stop some people too interested in buying a decent amount of food from even one of those expensive rugs or pretty vase. But then, when they noticed a bit more about the people who helped you, they knew better than to try anything.  Then, of course, they expected that you would go out, meet your neighbours, get them to know yourself and pull out any kind of reason why someone like you moved to the place like this. But no, before they could learn anything basic about you, even something like your name, you disappeared inside your house and didn't show up for a while.

It couldn't go unnoticed to Peaky Blinders, especially since Thomas preferred to hold his hand on the pulse, so she had to know what your presence can offer. Even if this would be nothing, it would be the best option as he already had enough troubles without a suspicious stranger lurking around. To his utter disappointment, the information about you was basically non-existent - no knowledge what was your name, where you came from or where you have been born, and even how you came up with that small fortune on your own. This left a bitter taste, because not always he could admit to himself that he was struggling with something. Not that he wanted to, defeat being left out of his conscience when he left still smoking shores of France, but this issue could bring troubles in the future - were you planning any action here that would shuffle the local powers? Did you come for reasons that were only your own and shouldn’t influence others? Tommy even sent people to shop you stepped in when you first set your foot in town, but the only thing he learned from that was that you ordered the weekly groceries, paying in advance. Why were you hiding? 

***

Pushing the heavy wood of the doors in front of you, you couldn’t help but frown a little, feeling the heatwave from a lack of good ventilation, the scent of alcohol and something that probably was vomit and hearing the roaring of the drunken men, but at the same time, this was far from keeping you from entering into this place. Smoothly moving through the entrance, you didn’t even establish the glance with people who gazed at you, both the one that were too blazed out to even recognise your presence in this place or the one that were too vigil to ignore the fact that you decided to step into the Garrison and decided to show yourself to the world in the den of the wolves. But little on your face did credit to any emotions you’ve been feeling right now and as you hover over the darkened wood, looking straightly into the bartender’s face, there was no way of telling what hid behind your stern eyes. 

“Pardon my curious inquiry, but I was wondering if Mister Thomas Shelby is free for a brief meeting this evening” you stated your reason, a small smile creeping a bit in the corner of your mouth as you measured the person in front of you with a gentle yet somehow strict look, almost like you had an upper hand in this situation. Your interlocutor probably didn’t share your views on that matter as he barley glanced in your ways, the hands dedicated to the tab and glass he was holding, almost like, unlike some if this place, he wasn’t phased with your sudden appearance.

“I am afraid Mister Shelby is not here, and even if he was, I am afraid we have very rigid principles about his privacy”. It was like a formula that kids have to memorize at school and somehow it made you think a bit of the scolding that one could earn if they didn’t heed. Did the infamous Shelby brother hit his workers with the rulers if they misbehaved? Or was it already a sentence with a bullet? Rather not, the business would run dry with the number of executions.

“Ah, but you know, I am well aware that he is inside, so let’s say I consider this a friendly and outward visit. Something he didn’t bother with when we spoke about his efforts to invade my privacy. So what will we say, shall we introduce ourselves in a proper adult way, or the games of charade should continue?” Your nails started to tap a small rhythm on the countertop as you seemed to pay a little attention to the unfriendly gaze. This apparently worked in the way you wanted, partially at least, for the man in front of you moved his head to one of the boys that just stood up from his seat, going to the place you could only guess was private enough that setting foot there was almost a privilege. Mouthing the small ‘thank you’, you moved away, hands nonchalantly put into your pocket as you decided to stand there and wait, not caring about your surroundings or the rumours that probably started to spread. You were here for only one thing and that thing was going to happen - at least this was what you could suspect when the man appeared in front of you, gesturing to follow him.

***

“I hope you understand that is rather an unusual circumstance and the decency requires to present yourself in more official ways….” the sentence made by Tommy was trailing at the end of his tongue as he left some space for the moment of your introduction. He predicted that sooner or later he would face you, but maybe not like that - with you sitting right in front of him comfortably spreading yourself in the chair like this was a chat with a friend you haven’t seen for a while and rather a curious gaze as you watched the light reflexes on the glass in front of you, carefully spinning it in your hand. Almost like you paid a little attention to this whole situation, even if you “arranged” it in the first place.

“Then we must thank the Lord for decency in this world and good people who know that time is money and one shouldn’t waste it” you commented with what was an almost singing and chirped tone, but at the same time gave some coldness that came mostly from your eyes, your own orbs meeting the ice blue ones. But for once, you leaned more to him, your hands now resting on your knees as you moved a bit closer, the everlasting smile not leaving your lips. “I am afraid that for the next month you will be stuck with my presence here, and that presence wouldn’t exactly follow your rules of decency”. 

The silence fell when he waited for more explanations coming from your lips, but once again, your interest seemed lost as you grabbed one of the grapes, looking at it with some kind of interest before your gaze once again returned to him. Though there was an urge to grith his teeth at this moment, he stopped himself, instead of that reaching his fingers to lift a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it up with the warmth of golden sparks. 

“An awfully specific period” he commented finally, noticing how you seemed to realise something in your thoughts as you tilted your head a bit, shrugging your arms with such an innocent demeanour one could believe there was nothing behind it. 

“One that can’t be helped in this matter. But I think we both can agree that there are certain things that can’t be rushed. Or can be, but with little...decency”. It almost made Thommy raise his eyebrows, the amount of the repetition and the prolonging almost bordering on being irritating. As well as your demeanour, the shroud of unknown that you loved to just hide behind when you felt comfortable like that. Was it the wise caution for anyone that came fresh into this town or an irritating habit of yours? He wanted to settle this, but once again, you were speaking before he managed to. 

“I came here tonight to mark my presence and knowledge to your doing, but neither the time nor the place is proper for the real introduction. Tomorrow you have some business on the horse races, so I guess this would be a good place to meet and talk” you came up with first reasonable words since you entered the room, and you stood up, preparing yourself to walk out of this room, knowing when you finished the talking that this was your time to go. Besides, you were a busy human being and there was much to do, with the night being still young. Only when your fingertips brushed the knob, you heard the low, smooth voice behind you. 

“You will get one hour. Nothing more” he spoke, no longer looking at you as he settled a bit, moving to take care of the business that was interrupted by your arrival. Nodding slightly, you opened the way in front of you, swiftly turning and shooting the Shelby man one last look before you produced a small laugh.

“An Eternity in an hour” Tommy could hear before the door closed, cutting you from his view, but sadly for him, not from his mind.

#peaky blinders #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #tom shelby x reader #tommy shelby x reader #fortune teller #thomas shelby imagines

[picturejasper20]

Green Latern: The animated series (GLTAS) review

Introduction

Green Latern The animated series (also known as GLTAS) is a computer animated series that ran from November 11, 2011 to  March 16, 2013, ending with a total number of 26 episodes. It was produced by Bruce Timm and Giancarlo Volpe, the latter known for working as animation director in shows like ¨Avatar: The last airbender¨ and ¨Star wars: The clone wars¨.

GLTAS is a superhero action-adventure series, with heavily focus on sci-fi elements since most of the story takes place in space. It´s based of Hal Jordan-Green Latern comics. 

Plot

The series focus on the adventures of Hal Jordan and Kilowog, who are Green Laterns: Their job is to protect and maintain order in the galaxy while following the instructions of their leaders, The Guardians of Oa.

GLTAS´ narrative structure follows an story arc, this means there is continuity and almost every episode contributes something to the plot and the characters. Some examples of series with this type of narrative are: Avatar: The last airbender and Young justice.

The plot is divided in two main story arcs: The first half (Ep 1 to Ep 13) is about the war against the Red Laterns and the second half (Ep 14 to Ep 26)  is about the Manhunters. 

Animation

The type of animation of GTLAS uses is CGI (computer 3D animation). The overall animation of the series it´s pretty decent overall, it may look a bit outdated for present day animation but that doesn´t mean is horrible or makes the show unwatchable. 

The character design it´s simple yet good for CGI, it gives the series a distinct comic style and tries not to be hyperrealistic like some other animation series. 

The fights and scenery are the best part of the animation of GTLAS, the action sequences rarely felt repetitive and some of the were pretty creative. The action remind me of Dragon ball z battles, they are usually fast paced and very epic in scale. 

As for the scenery, the planets have unique design and each one feels different from the other. Some have beautiful landscapes.

Sound design

There isn´t much to say about the sound and soundtrack of the series, i think it´s okay. it serves its purpose correctly.

However, one thing i really liked was the voice acting. Most of the characters have good choice of voice actors. They fit well with the characters and they rarely sounded awkward or off putting.

Some of my favourites are:  Razer (Jason Spisak) , Hal Jordan (Josh Keaton), Carol Ferris (Jennifer Hale).

Story and characters

When it comes to writing, i think its the best part of the GTLAS and what makes the series so memorable:

The series has a very interesting story that is complex yet easy to understand. Almost every episode adds something to the main plot or develops the characters, so there are rarely episodes that aren´t worth of watching since skipping one means not having context that is important for other episdodes. Even episodes that may be consider ¨filler¨ later become important for the narrative. 

The episodes that are usually more filler-ish serve to develop relationships and help the series from becoming too dramatic.

GLTAS explores themes that are quite rare in Western animation: War, tragedy, loss, trauma, complex relationships, gray morality, what means to be a hero..

Another good aspect is the characters: Most of them are really well defined, they have their own complexities and arcs. Many of them are more complex than your average characters in Western animation. They rarely felt like stereotypes or predictable and more like actual people.

They also don´t fall in your classic ¨good¨ vs ¨evil¨ mentality that many cartoons usually have. Many of them do very morally questionable things, which allows them to be more compelling and interesting.

A good example of this is Razer ,without giving too much spoilers away, Razer starts as a Red Latern who think is bringing peace to the galaxy by helping the Red Latern cause. After realising how the Red laterns are taking away the lives innocents people he decides to join Hal and Kilowog to help with stopping the war. (This is at the very start of the series).

Some antagonists have their own reason to be evil and it´s explained why they became ¨bad guys¨, sometimes they even make good points about why the The Guardians of Oa  and the green laterns aren´t as good and pure as they pretend to be.

Hal Jordan, while not having big arc in comparison to other characters, is a very entertaining protagonist. He´s quite unique in the sense that he´s capable of doing anything to do the right thing, even if that means constanly disobeying orders from his superiors and getting into trouble. He doesn´t rebel just for the sake of not to following orders, he does it because he has a really great sense of justice and wants to help others.

Conclusion

I think Green Latern the animated series is show that aged well not for its animation but due to its writing quality and strong story arcs. It´s a show that takes more risks than other action western animations series and its a pity it got cancelled so soon despite being a very well written show.

Its cancellation was related to the lack of marketing and selling of toyline, which is a quite common reason for why so  many action-adventure animated series get cancelled. 

As Josh Keaton (Hal Jordan voice actor) explained in a old IGN interview:  ¨So it’s unfortunate. It wasn’t because the fans didn’t like it. It wasn’t because of the ratings. It really, at that point, came down to the merchandise, and we had a lot to overcome from the performance of the film and that’s where it was.”  

GTLAS is another example of a good series getting ruined by the network for ¨not selling toys¨ and not letting the writers continue their story. I think is a show that deserves at least one or two seasons more since it is a memorable show overall.

Links cited: 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Lantern:_The_Animated_Series

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giancarlo_Volpe

Cancellation Interview:

https://www.ign.com/articles/2013/03/19/green-lantern-the-animated-series-star-josh-keaton-discusses-the-shows-end 

#gltas #green latern animated series #gltas hal jordan #gltas razer #Series review #Western animation #superhero shows #giancarlo volpe #Not SU

[jennibeultimate]

Kinda personal recap Cup of Russia 2020 - Free skate

This is going to be super long 🙈

Men

So actually of the first group I only liked Vladimir Litvintsev. Surely there are lots of things to improve, but I like his elegance and movement. The struggle in the steps and the faces coaches was really funny though 😂. (Imo he was definitely much better performing even with mistakes than Yablokov...)

And two times Notre Dame de Paris in one group...there are a lot of musicals, why always chose the same? While Evgeni Semenenko was much better into the performance than Yablokov...(but someone tell skaters that a costume change doesn't make a good performance)

Andrei Mozalev - the program is weird, but I think he works well with it. The popped 4F was unfortunate, but he recovered really well. He can do better than here, but he is young and he has the abilities to make it far. 😊

Dmitri Aliev - You see he is not a youngster anymore, he has much more presence than the skaters before him. His performance was good, but I think in the 2nd half needs more commitment to moves and music. But overall after the injury and recovery a good effort! He pulled through and made no major mistakes. I was surprised that they actually did downplay him a bit in the TES, rightfully so, but still I thought being European Champ would help here.

Makar Ignatov - where is the emotion for such a piece of music? Not found. (and I wouldn't be sad to not see "Je suis malade" used ever again and no dear commentator the music is emotional, but the skater didn't show much of it...bruh) I mean his jumps are fine. The 4Loop is impressive indeed. But he is extremely slow on the ice and there is not much happening neither with legs nor arms between the elements.

Mikhail Kolyada - I love love love this program! ❤️ He is a league on his own! His skating is of such different quality than the rest! Just really what does need to happen for him to skate clean? He still managed fine TES with the quality, but it wouldn't be enough in a top skaters field, where he belongs to, but with those mistakes it's hard to get in the top. (and I wouldn't say anything about it, if it would only have been today, but this is the problem throughout his career. He is fabulous but never flawless) I am really glad Misha is back! Love him a lot, just skating gods give him more consistency please! 🙏

Petr Gumenik - and another often used musical 😅 (I love POTO just in skating I would gladly like skaters to stop using it for like 10 years 😬) Music choice aside Petr is a wonderful skater with some unique spins and is lovely to watch! And don't get me wrong, it's still a nice program (and costume) and he fought very good.

Moris Kvitelashvili - I think I've never seen him better. (I think this is also not a bad program by Daniil, no weird music cuts, no weird no meaning movements, that is as low my expectations for good are 😅) He could work more with the music for sure, but anyway good effort. And 2nd place for Moris is also good! Congrats!

Congrats to Misha for winning 🥇 🎉🎉🎉 Totally happy with the result!

I really have to say (apart from the first two skaters) there wasn't a lot of mistakes in the performances, really a superb competition for the men! It was really fun watching! 😊

Pairs

Panfilova/Rylov - this program is so beautiful 😍 Throw the single jumps out 😅 then they could be a force for any medal...love this pair!

Boikova/Kozlovskii - this was a phenomenal skate. ❤️ Such a different level of confidence than the rest of the competition. This program suits them so well!

Mishina/Galiamov - I like them a lot. Today they made a mistake, so 2nd place is fine. 😊 Contrary to Boikova/Kozlovskii there free skate is not as good as the short. I don't know how many times today we heard Queen as program or in the background. I like Queen but there are so many musics, why always the same???

It's a bit sad that Tarasova/Morozov and Khodykin/Pavliucheko weren't here, this way the level and ppl on the podium were rather predictable.

Congrats to the medalist! 🎉

Ladies

I just love love love Eva-Lotta Kibus! ❤️ A natural performer (ofc in the first half a bit concentrated on jumps)a breath of fresh air in this Russian field, solid jumps, she smiles, love the dress too, lots lots to admire! 😍

Viktoriia Safonova - She is a good skater no question. But I question the music choice of Bolero being good for her. The program felt super long. Bolero is a difficult music, it's repetitive and while it builds musically it's extremely difficult to maintain the building up through a program with so many elements. The only Bolero program in singles for me that ever worked was by Carolina Kostner. Everyone else just is overpowered by the music.

Sofia Samodurova - Oh Sofia 😔 She was lost somewhere...nothing really worked for her today. And I don't understand her programs this season. (at least it's original 😅) She is a great performer but this music cut and everything about it is weird and if it's not performed well, it's just...well

Alexandra Trusova - she has a new costume and what kind of costume change was that? And sorry to say that, but this was just really bad. I admire her guts, but this is not it, it's no performance, nothing that skating stands for and I am glad she didn't place before Guliakova.

Liza Tuktamysheva - A good performance. I am happy for Liza, for all the fights she had. Not sure I like the program but I mean it's original and suits her. I will never understand her jump layout. Even with 3A her TES isn't as high and that's not solely on GOEs but on BV.

Alena Kostornaia - What a lovely skate!🥰 It's a pretty program, I just think it's not as special as ppl made it sound like. Seems a bit like SLB ran out of special ideas. I was pleasantly surprised she didn't win and also that her PCS were only 73...👀 (is it now because being under Plushenko does not give you same treatment or because panel was stricter? 🤔)

Congrats Liza for winning CoR! You did well! 🎉👏

Overall the ladies were quite underwhelming. I never thought I'd see the day, the Russian men would have better skates than the ladies! 👀

What could have been if Zhenya would have been healthy? Skates like at last CoR would have been enough to win I think 🤔 Anyway she wasn't here, but I missed her.

Just saying it's not like COVID-19 seems to be taken seriously at CoR at all, but I don't think it's a problem only by the organization of this competition but seems to be the general handling of Covid in Russia. Those measures do look very half-heartedly and fake. But I try to look at the bright side of the competition happening: it's skating with lots of talented skaters. Let me enjoy things for the time being, the world is dark anyway atm. (But still it's really damn hard to overlook and the ignorance on the pandemic is mind boggling)

Adding: I am really torn on this topic and now that it's over and I look over my selfish take to just enjoy it in the moment, I really don't know anymore what to think of it, other than I had a much better feeling after SkAm and CoC than I do have here...

Sorry for this being super long, so thanks for reading! 😅 Leave a comment or like if you want to, I would be very happy. Let's talk figure skating!

#figure skating #mikhail kolyada #moris kvitelashvili #andrei mozalev #alena kostornaia #alexandra trusova #elizaveta tuktamysheva #personal recap

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1979

Under the cut.

I discuss Michael Jackson’s life and actions a little bit underneath here. So be warned if that’s something that will upset you.

The Bee Gees -- "Too Much Heaven" -- January 6, 1979

Uugh. When The Bee Gees weren't releasing bad, bloodless, falsetto disco, they were releasing bad, bloodless, falsetto lite "rock." Also the lyrics are about how love is soooo hard to get, so they're special since they have love, and yuck. Nonsense and glop.

Rod Stewart -- "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" -- February 10, 1979

I laughed out loud when I saw this next on the list. People can't have taken it seriously in 1979, right? It was seen like "I'm Too Sexy", yes? Even though Rod Stewart was a "serious" singer -- come on, this is a ridiculous song. It isn't about the narrator; it's about two people meeting on a dance floor and then going to have what's probably a one-night stand. But when Rod Stewart sings the chorus, it sounds like it's about him. It's a highly unsexy and very silly song.

Gloria Gaynor -- "I Will Survive" -- March 10, 1979

The joy I feel listening to this song. It's the best disco song. The bright piano flourish opens to Gaynor's amazing voice and phenomenal singing ability. She sells her anger at the guy who's "back to bother" her, along with the assertion that she's now totally confident and is gonna do great without him, will all her life to live and all her love to give. The lyrics are great, which is incredibly rare for any dance song. The music is great. And Gaynor is perfect. You can belt it in the car and it drives people to the dance floor. Just an amazing, incredible song.

The Bee Gees -- "Tragedy" -- March 24, 1979

The real tragedy is that The Bee Gees shat up disco. What could it have been if not for their influence? There were disco singers and groups who escaped it, but Barry Gibb and Friends' clogging of the charts kept out so many worthy acts. Lots of synth on this song, and synth can be really cool (I'm a diehard fan of The Alan Parsons Project), but the Bee Gees made it boring and turgid. Then that damned falsetto. I don't care about the lyrics, I just want to not hear the Bee Gees again ever.

The Doobie Brothers -- "What A Fool Believes" -- April 14, 1979

The guy the song is about thinks he's going to get an ex back because she was nice when he met her again. He's a fool, and "no wise man has the power to reason away." The music's good, too, a sort of mild rock. "Yacht rock" I suppose. The sentiment is kinda country music though. Good song, anyway.

Amii Stewart -- "Knock on Wood" -- April 21, 1979

What is that in the background? A synth sound, obviously, but it sounds like -- a washboard? I have no idea, but it's annoying. This is a cover of an older soul song by Eddie Floyd that's pretty good, but they wreck it here. The amount of gunk clogging it up is painful. Also Amii Stewart doesn't modulate at all, her voice is a constant blare. Headache-inducing.

Blondie -- "Heart of Glass" -- April 28, 1979

The 80s are coming. Blondie does interesting things with synth here, the beat's irresistible, Debbie Harry's voice is unique, and the lyrics are about an ended relationship that was "a pain in the ass." Not some huge broken-hearted thing, despite the "heart of glass" lyric. Just... done, that didn't work, moving on. Not that the lyrics particularly matter here. It's all about the interesting, different-sounding music.

Peaches & Herb -- "Reunited" -- May 5, 1979

If synth can sound more synthetic than usual, that's how this song begins. It's about a couple getting back together, but it doesn't sound like they were ever in a lot of pain or that they're really excited now. There's some neat guitar stuff. It could be worse. But mostly it's bland.

Donna Summer -- "Hot Stuff" -- June 2, 1979

It's a disco song, but with a lot more rock in it than disco usually has. Maybe that's why it's survived so much better than most disco. The narrator wants one of her lovers (of whom she obviously has many) to answer the phone so that she can get laid. It's the ballad of Romance Sims. It's fun.

Bee Gees -- "Love You Inside Out" -- June 9, 1979

Well, ew. This guy's whining that the woman he loves has too many lovers but he's the one who will "love you inside out," whatever the hell that means. It sounds like a serial killer. She needs to dump him, and also probably move and change her name. And, of course, there's Barry Gibb's horrible orchestration and falsetto.

Anita Ward -- "Ring My Bell" -- June 30, 1979

Disco, of course. He's been gone for a while and she's singing to him "you can ring my bell." So, they're gonna celebrate his homecoming with lots of sex. The lines "You can ring my bell, ring my bell/ (Ring my bell/ ding-dong-ding)" repeat a couple hundred times. The background synth sounds are painfully repetitive. Like something on The Prisoner used to brainwash people. And Anita Ward sings in a Betty Boop-ish sort of childish voice that I also find annoying. It's not Bee Gees bad, but it's bad.

Donna Summer -- "Bad Girls" -- July 14, 1979

"Bad girls" are not the same as "sad girls." Sorry, this song might be fine or even good, but that one line has always bugged me way too much. So does the police whistle.

Chic -- "Good Times" -- August 18, 1979

Disco about how "happy days are here again" for now. The lyrics are obviously pretty shallow, but at least there is a line about how it won't last forever. That's not my problem anyway. My problem is that the chorus bores me, musically. Like, it hurts. There are two notes I think? And the beat is the same throughout. I always sort of ignored this song before, but on actively trying to listen to it, I have started to hate it. It doesn't interact well with my brain chemistry.

The Knack -- "My Sharona" -- August 25, 1979

This became a hit again when Reality Bites came out. So I danced in a convenience store to it my freshman year of college. We were "of the younger kind" then, considering I was 17. That made me like the song better -- it was about me! Rock isn't supposed to be clean, and you're really not supposed to take it as advice. The riff is amazing, and I love this song.

Robert John -- "Sad Eyes" -- October 6, 1979

I've never heard this song before. The music box sounding intro lasts a while and lulls you into complacency before the horrible falsetto kicks in. Not only extremely 70s white man falsetto, but an entitled brat of a man breaking up with a woman and being put out that she's looking at him with "sad eyes." Incredibly bad in an incredibly 70s way. I can see why I've never heard this song before. It's absolutely terrible.

Michael Jackson -- "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" -- October 13, 1979

Sigh. All right, now that he's an adult, gotta tackle Michael Jackson. He was a rampant and, as far as we know, unrepentant child molester. He destroyed people in the most personal way possible short of actual murder. (Phil Spector is still worse.) He was murdered through at least extreme malpractice by his doctor. He was forced into stardom as a child himself. And he was a huge, massive, incredibly gigantic star, even after he became a punchline. I was never a big fan, but like most children of the 80s, I loved some of his songs and spent a lot of time doing the moonwalk, or as close as I could get. I feel an immense amount of pity for him, along with utterly despising him, along with admiring his talent, along with being sickened by the fact that Hollywood and the music industry knew and no one did anything about what he was doing. All in all, I end up at this place: Child stardom must end.

Okay, now for the music. This song takes forever to actually start. Also I have actually never heard it before today. Probably because it's falsetto. Jackson's falsetto is obviously far superior to Barry Gibb's, but it's still falsetto the whole song. The riff is great once it starts, and everything about the music should be good -- but, falsetto. The whole time, as far as I can tell. I can't listen to all of it. Whose idea was it that falsetto should ever be anything other than an occasional few bars? Was it Frankie Valli? I'm gonna blame Frankie Valli.

Herb Alpert -- "Rise" -- October 20, 1979

It's a jazz-funk instrumental and it's pretty good. Piano, guitar, trumpet, some kind of glittering thing -- xylophone? Bells? The people laughing like it's a laid-back party are annoying, but not enough to wreck the song. If this doesn't play on every cruise ship ever, they're missing a trick.

M -- "Pop Music" -- November 3, 1979

I saw the title, and thought I didn't know the song. Then I heard the first bars of the song and went, "OH this one." It's New Wave. I love a lot of New Wave, but this one's on the purposefully shallow end, rather than the Eurythmics end. The lyrics are nonsense, but the beat is pretty irresistable. Which makes it a dance song, whatever its intent. One of the lines is, "Dance in the supermarket," so it probably was intended to be danced to. In any case, I find it pretty forgettable, but fine.

The Eagles -- "Heartache Tonight" -- November 10, 1979

I've heard this song before, but not often. I'm not sure if it's about sex before a breakup or about cheating. Don Henley does not have Elvis' voice, though he seems to be trying to reach that level. Real power is required for the chorus, and Henley lacks it. If this were sung by Freddie Mercury, we'd have something. Queen also would have brought more musical interest generally. But as-is, it doesn't work for me.

The Commodores' -- "Still" -- November 17, 1979

Lionel Richie was still the frontman/ writer for The Commodores here. Should I explore why I can't stand Lionel Richie's music? I'd have to listen to it more to fully understand. It always sounds totally insincere to me. The songs themselves are too slow. This one doesn't have a bassline. It's so polished and gloopy. And in this song, that pause between "I love you" and "still" is both highly predictable and entirely phony. I managed to listen to the entire song, and I rolled my eyes throughout, but especially at that last whispered "still." Oh he's just so sad puh-leaze. Crying his way to the bank.

Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer -- "No More Tears" -- November 24, 1979

I hate Barbra Streisand's singing and like Donna Summer's. I wish this were just Donna Summer. If it were, I'd probably like the song. It's slow for almost 2 minutes, then becomes disco. Streisand isn't able to do as much self-loving in a fast dance song, but it's still there. I tried to find a version with just Donna Summer and failed. So, I dunno, the fact that I can actually listen to the whole thing makes me think it's the most tolerable song with Barbra Streisand in existence. But it would have been so much better without her.

Styx -- "Babe" -- December 8, 1979

Styx was prog rock, but watered-down, simplified prog-rock. Lite prog rock, as weird as that is. But they still had that massive theatricality of prog rock, which I like, and they were great for places like Pine Knob. Outside of those massive arenas, they don't work for me. Dennis DeYoung, the writer and singer of this song, belts the whole way through. Yeah, he hits the notes, but he doesn't seem to realize you're supposed to sometimes modulate, even on a power ballad. Meh.

Rupert Holmes -- "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" -- December 22, 1979

If you take this song seriously, you're likely to hate it. It ain't that deep. It's a goofy song about a goofy thing -- both he and his wife are bored and want to cheat, so they write personal ads, and lo, they answer each other's personals! Though how that happens when they're the blandest Reaganite yuppies ever, I'm not sure. Maybe it's because they're both full of themselves ("if you have half a brain.") I enjoy this song because it is catchy, silly, and totally non-serious. I do not like pina coladas, btw.

BEST OF 1979: "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. WORST OF 1979: "Love You Inside Out" by the Bee Gees

#billboard number ones

[zi-i-think]

6 | Drastic Decisions

Pairing: Zuko x Ama (OC)

Word Count: 7000+

.☽☼☾.

        "I'm telling you, they're not the same spirits as the ones in that scroll." Aang told them while they sat on Appa's saddle.

         "So they're different spirits who just look like the kemurikage?" Zuko wondered, trying to understand what exactly was happening.

         "Maybe." Aang half agreed, but he didn't know how probable that was.

         "Or maybe they're not spirits at all." Mai said what Ama was thinking.

         "All I know is, on the roof of the flower shop that night? Those ladies looked creepy." Kei Lo shivered at the memory of them.

         As they flew over the city, a loud chant caught everyone's ears. "A strong nation is a safe nation!"

         "What the-?" Aang looked over the saddle down to the city. "What are all those people doing out in the street? It's the middle of the night?"

         "Let's find out." Zuko narrowed his eyes at the crowd of men.

         When Appa landed, Zuko, Ama and Aang jumped down as soon as they could. They ran to the little rally, finding Mai's father and the constable there. "Constable Sung! Ukano! What is the meaning of this?!" Zuko demanded to know.

         Constable Sung's head hung low in grief while Ukano explained. "As I predicted, the spirit world has gotten completely out of control! Dark spirits have taken more children, including the constable's own son."

         "Oh no!" Aang expressed verbally while Ama gasped.

         "I'm so sorry constable." Zuko said. He felt angry with himself for being unable to do anything.

         "I was unable to find you, Fire Lord. We had to do something." Constable Sung regretted saying, but also sounded like he'd been back into a corner and had no other choice.

         "The Safe Nation Society-" Ukano started to speak before Aang interupted him.

         "What's the Safe Nation Society?" The airbender wondered.

         "Since Zuko's refused to protect his nation, a group of young volunteers have stepped up." Ukano had a devilish, manipulative smirk. "The Safe Nation Society are risking their own lives to keep us all safe!" The 'volunteers' stood at attention behind the overly proud man.

         "But, how'd you get this many volunteers to assemble this late into the night?" Aang asked. His more optimistic perspective made him more curious to it all, but he also was investigative to the situation.

         "In fact, not ten minutes ago, the Society saved a child by heroically sighting off Dark Spirits." Ukano ignored Aang's question.

         "Hate to break it to you, but those probably weren't spirits." Aang almost shouted.

         "Preposterous!" Ukano dismissed the claim without a second thought. Ama furrowed her eyebrows. He was up to something. She knew it. "I saw them with my own two eyes! Humans don't move like that."

         "You're hiding something." Mai had snuck up on her father while he was speaking.

         Ukano jumped back in surprise. "Mai! What are you doing here?" He tried to detract the focus from him to her.

         "I can tell by the way you're talking." Mai narrowed her eyes. Observing his facial expressions. "What's your secret, father?"

         "I don't know what you're talking about." Ukano lied. Mai noted the single drip of sweat on his forehead and how he refused to look at her.

         "Constable Sung." Zuko spoke to the concerned father. "Truly, I'm sorry about your son. We will find him- I promise you. But the curfew- all of this- was done without my authority! I will not be undermined!" Ama's eyes widened at Zuko's angry and authoritative tone. It's been a while since she's heard it. "Until further notice, you are suspended from your post!"

         "Fire Lord, I-!" The now ex-constable stopped his protest and bowed. "I'm sorry."

         "So am I." Zuko looked down at the ground in pity for the man. Sung's son was just kidnapped and Zuko had just suspended him from his job. Everyone was silent as Sung walked home in shame.

         "What do you think you're doing?!" Ukano interjected. Ama wanted nothing more than to put the old man in his place. "Constable Sung was a good man."

         "And you, Ukano." Zuko shouted. His anger and frustration with the whole situation was finally getting to him. And Mai's father wasn't helping in the slightest. "This society of yours will disband immediately or you will all face arrest!"

         Ukano glared at Zuko momentarily before facing his Society. "Come, Safe Nation Society!" He ordered. "We will respect the wishes of the 'Fire Lord.' Let us return to our homes and stand idly by while our nation suffers!"

         The Society went their separate ways home, Ukano was the last to leave, but not before turning to look at his daughter. "And Mai, when you finally come to realize the truth, you know where to find me." Mai scowled at him in return and said nothing.

         "What just happened with Constable Sung..." Aang commented. "That was pretty harsh.

         "I hated to do it, but I had no choice." Zuko said lowly. Sorrow was evident on his face, but he held no regret. The decisions that came with being Fire Lord weren't always easy to make.

         "Fire Lord Zuko." An unsure feminine voice spoke from behind the group. They turned to look at the woman who spoke, her terrified daughter in her arms as she held on tightly to her mother. "With all due respect, the Safe Nation Society just saved my daughter. They're heroes, which is more than I can say for you."

         Zuko's eyes widened in surprise as the woman left. He felt so torn inside. He had a duty to his citizens, but it seemed like everyone thought he was going about it wrong. Aang gave his advice, and it was a better choice than what Ukano proposed. For Ukano to go behind his back was uncalled for and wrong, but Zuko still wondered if what he was doing was wrong.

         Zuko led Ama and Aang through the palace hallway and to their rooms in silence. Ama already knew the palace halls like the back of her hand. Her room was large, well not in comparison to the royal bedrooms, but still bigger than the snow hut she grew up in.

         Taking a bath and brushing her hair, the waterbender prepared for bed. Moving the sheets to the side, but before she got in, she felt a tug away. It was her conscious telling her that she had something else to do. She didn't even bother changing out of her pajamas. Ama left her room and went over to the room next to hers.

         "Ama?" The water bender heard on her way there.

         She looked over at the voice, seeing her favorite Kyoshi warrior in all her glory. "Suki!" She exclaimed and ran to the girl for a hug. "I didn't get the chance to greet you earlier. How are you?"

         "Eh, the same old same old. Stressed and just ready to go to bed." Suki chuckled, stepping out of the hug. "Just need to tell Zuko the nightly rounds are finished and everything's secure."

         "Why don't you get some sleep?" Ama told her. "I'm going to see Zuko right now. I'll let him know."

        Suki sighed in relief. "You're the best, Ama. Thank you."

        "Of course." Ama smiled and the Kyoshi Warrior walked down the hall.

         Back on her way to see her boyfriend, Ama didn't even bother knocking. Zuko's room was the largest at the palace. But it wasn't the large bed or the little priceless relics that made the room incredible, it was the balcony. It had an incredible view of the sky. It just so happened to be where Zuko was standing.

         Opening the door to the balcony, Ama spotted the regal young man. Zuko was still wearing his Fire Lord clothes and his cape flowed gently with the wind.

         "Hey." Ama said, still standing beside the door. "I saw Suki in the halls. She said that the Kyoshi warriors just finished their nightly rounds and that everything's secure."

         "Thanks." Zuko responded. He didn't turn back to look at her, he knew she'd come to him by the railing and she did. While he looked up at the sky, Ama looked at him. He looked so scared, so unsure.

        "You need to talk?" She asked.

         "Do you think the kids that were kidnapped," He started to speak, turning his head to see her stoic expression. "If we... when we find them. Will they still be the same children they were before this?"

         "What do you mean?" She furrowed he eyebrows lightly, looked a bit confused.

         "When Mai and I were still together, I remember this one time she brought Tom-Tom with her for a picnic." He started to explain. "I was a little annoyed at first, but I remember watching him run after this glow moth. He was so happy, I don't remember ever being that happy."

         "And you're wondering if he'll ever be happy like that again?" Ama pieced together. Zuko nodded. "I think you're underestimating the kid. I'm sure Mai told you about Omashu and the kid has already been through a lot. All kids, I think, take dangerous situations and look at them through different lenses. When they grow up, they either won't remember any of this, or become a bit stronger because of it." Zuko's shoulder relaxed a bit. "They're all going to be fine."

         Zuko looked over at her, feeling a bit calmer about the Fire Nation issues. But he still had his relationship issues to deal with. The one that stung the most.

         "Ama, I'm so sorry." His voice broke and he clenched his eyes shut. Ama didn't say anything. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into her. Zuko had to hunch over to bury his face in her shoulder.

         He didn't cry, he wouldn't allow himself to. Still. Ama was the only person that he could be this vulnerable with. Her nails lightly scraped his scalp in a calming way as she cradled his head, careful not to ruin his top-knot. Letting him just feel her presence. To feel supported.

         "I should have sent a message." He finally said. His tone etched with regret and caring.

         "And I shouldn't have reacted the way I did." Ama admitted.

         "No." Zuko firmly disagreed, moving his head away from the crook of her neck to look at her face. "You reacted in the way you felt. And that is completely valid." He cupped her cheek in his hand. "I hurt you. Again."

         Ama's hand went over his, removing it from her face, but still held his hand. "This is starting to get repetitive." Her words were just above a whisper, but Zuko heard her. "Zuko, I-"

         "No!" Zuko interrupted her when he noticed smoke coming from a room close-by. But not just any room. Kiyi's. He ran back inside then through the halls, Ama close behind.

         "What's wrong?" Ama asked.

         "Smoke! From Kiyi's room!" He answered back. The waterbender gasped, realizing that he was talking about the kemurikage. Her bare feat hit the cold floor as quickly as they could, discarding her slippers in the room earlier so that she could run better. Zuko flung the room doors open, revealing an empty bed. "No! No! No!" he panicked

         "Zuko?!" Aang stepped in quickly. Hearing the commotion in the halls he followed the voices quickly. Ty Lee and Suki behind him.

         Zuko looked out the window. And indeed the kemurikage impostors were on the roof, one of them holding Kiyi. "Put her down! Now!" He ordered.

         Zuko and Aang jumped out the window, blasting fire in their direction. The one holding Kiyi, kicked back into Aang's gut, pushing him back. "That definitely felt like a human foot!" He shouted. "Try Chi blocking 'em, Ty Lee."

         "I'm trying, I'm trying!" She repeated. The people in the dark cloaks dodged every one of her jabs. Just like they were dodging all of Ama's water bullets.

         "Got you!" Suki tackled the one with Kiyi. But they just threw the little girl up so that another one of the fake kemurikage could catch her.

         "After them!" Zuko shouted. The kemurikage released an incredible amount of smoke. The four teens covered their faces from the stinging sensation it left in their eyes and the thick smell; making them cough.

         Aang bent a gust of air, pushing the smoke away and relieving one of the cloaked figures running on the roof. "There!" He pointed.

         Zuko didn't think twice to shoot them down. The person fell off the roof and onto the stone floor. "That's it- It's over!" Zuko shouted as he stepped towards them. "Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide." The Fire Lord bent two large flames of fire on each of his hands, Ama beside him with sharp icicles pointed at them, and Aang beside her. They all had the same, enraged and threatening expression. "Where'd your friends take my sister?! Same place as the other kids?! Answer me!"

         The fake kemurikage was silent, and unbeknownst to them, they generated lightning in their two fingers and shot it at them. Luckily no one got a zap of the lightning. But Zuko had a shocked face as he realized who was under the cloak and mast. "Azula." He stood back as everyone got into a fighting position when hearing her name. "I know that's you, Azula! Tell your friends to let Kiyi go!"

         Azula still said nothing and shot more lightning. Zuko absorbed it in one had and redirected it into the air with his other hand. "You know I can redirect anything you-" Zuko stopped short, not expecting the second lighting strike, hitting him in the chest and flinging him back.

         "Zuko!" Ama shouted, happy that Aang reacted quick enough to air bend Zuko off the ground so he wouldn't hit the wall.

         "I'm okay." Zuko assured, already back on his feet. "She's gotten strong again."

         Suki and Ty Lee were already after Azula. Attacking with their fans, and attempting to chi block her. But Azula was quick to dodge it all. Ama ran after her when seeing how Suki and Ty Lee were hit down.

         She pulled water out of a patch of grass and threw it at her. It only made Azula glare at her and send a bolt of lightning. Ama rolled to the side to avoid it. But by the time she was up, Azula was on the roof with the other two kemurikage and Kiyi.

         "No!" Zuko shouted, running to the spot that Azula just jumped from.

         "They took her didn't they?" Zuko's mom ran outside. "They took my baby."

         "I'm sorry." Zuko's head dropped. Ursa was embraced by her husband as she cried. And Ama took Zuko in his arms. He still didn't cry. But the fear and the anguish was still very much there.

.☽☼☾.

         The next morning, in the throne room, Zuko sat on the pedestal. His back straight and his face stoic while the messenger told him about the other kidnappings.

         "There were four more kidnappings last night, including Kiyi. That makes a total of thirteen." The messenger kneeled as he gave the news. "Our citizens are so frightened that many are planning to leave the city before sundown."

         "I don't blame them." Zuko grumbled.

         Mai and Kei Lo soon walked in, Mai walking fasted than her boyfriend. "Zuko, I heard." She was concerned, for obvious reasons.

         "Mai!" Zuko exclaimed, happy to see her. He stepped off the throne and jumped off the stage-like floor to embrace her. Ama kept a stoic expression, bet her heart broke just a little bit more. Her jaw clenched just a little bit, but Aang saw. Her younger friend put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

         "I'm so worried." Zuko sighed as he hugged the raven-haired girl.

         "I know. But we'll find them. We'll find all of them." Mai assured him,

         Aang stepped in, speaking to break apart the hug. A part of it was to get them back on the mystery, but another part was for Ama. "We have a clue as to who the kemurikage are, at least."

         "Yeah, but that's why I'm worried." Zuko reminded him that it was Azula they caught.

         "You know for sure they're not spirits?" Mai asked.

         "Last night, one of them shot lightning at us." Suki gave her a clue.

         "No, it can't be!" Mai gasped. "Lightning bending is rare, but it isn't that rare! That doesn't necessarily mean-"

         "It wasn't just the lightning, Mai. It was how she fought. How she moved." Ty Lee hated to say. After all it was she and Mai that betrayed her. Azula may have been plotting her revenge for all they knew.

         "It was definitely Azula." Zuko grimaced.

         "Buy why would Azula want to kidnap all those kids? And her own sister?" Mai wondered.

         "I'm not sure." Aang tried to piece that together.

         "She's Azula. That's reason enough." Zuko stressed.

         "I need to tell you something, Zuko." Mai sighed and looked at the ground regrettably. "Last time we were here you asked me if my father was involved with the New Ozai Society. I told you I didn't know. I lied. Not only is Ukano involved. He's the leader."

         Everyone who heard that gasped in shock. "So Ukano's the leader of the New Ozai Society and the Safe Nation Society?" Aang tried to put two and two together. "That guy's really into societies!"

         "I think the two organizations are the same thing." Ama responded to Aang. She'd be lying if she said she was surprised. Ukano gave her the impression of a Fire Nation supremacist.

         "Why would you keep that from me?" Zuko almost shouted.

         "He's my dad, Zuko! No matter how evil he is, I still don't like the idea of betraying him!" Mai exclaimed. "You of all people should understand that!"

         "You're right. I'm sorry." Zuko's voice softened as he apologized.

         "There's more. When we saw him in the streets last night, I could tell that he was trying to hide something." Mai continued. "I think he already knew the kemurikage weren't spirits. He may have even known about Azula."

         "So you think he's working with Azula? That he has something to do with the kidnappings?" Zuko asked her.

         "I don't know. Maybe." Mai responded. "Every time he's talked to me about Tom-Tom, I've gotten this weird feeling. Like his worry is for my benefit."

         "It'd make sense." Ama spoke up, grabbing their attention. "I mean, the New Ozai Society is hell-bent on getting you off the throne. And how would one go about turning an entire nation against their leader? Fear. And kids always hit a soft spot."

         Zuko was in though for a moment, before turning to look at the general in the room. "General Mak, we need to bring Ukano and his allies in for questioning. Find out exactly what they know. Seal off the capital city until this situation is resolved. No one gets in or out." He ordered and swung his arm across to get across how serious he was about it.

         Ama and Aang shared a concerned glance. This wan't the right way to deal with the situation, they knew that. But Zuko was making a drastic decision. "Then send your soldier to Ukano's home to arrest him. If he isn't there- and I'm willing to bet he isn't- search people's homes for him or anyone else who may have been a part of the Safe Nation Society."

         "Yes, Fire Lord!" The general bowed.

         "Zuko, this isn't the way!" Aang finally stepped in to voice his disagreement. "Please, let me find Ukano! I'll sit him down and talk to him. No soldiers!"

         Zuko turned around to face his friend and bowed his head. "Avatar Aang, thank you for your assistance up to this point. You know how much I value your wisdom and friendship."

         Aang furrowed his eyebrow at how oddly Zuko was acting. "Why are you talking to me like that? All adult and stuff?!"

         "We already tried things your way, and it didn't work out! It's time for a different approach." Zuko stood firm on his decision. "If you're not willing to support me, then you need to leave."

         "But you can't treat everybody in the city like criminals!" Aang argued. "Such drastic actions will only cause more mistrust!"

         "Drastic situation calls for drastic action, Aang." Mai sided with Zuko.

         "But you can't just invade people's homes." Ama voiced her agreement with Aang instead of just giving dirty and confused looks. "It's an infringement of their liberties, Zuko. If we listen to Aang, then maybe we can still diffuse the situation."

         Zuko clenched his jaw then looked at the Kyoshi Warriors. "Suki, Ty Lee, please escort the Avatar out." He ordered.

         Ama's jaw dropped while the two girls grabbed Aang's arms to lead him out. "I'm going, I'm going!" Aang repeated, so the two girls let go of him but still followed closely.

         "You're unbelievable." Ama shook her head at Zuko and followed Aang out. Zuko huffed out angrily and looked at Mai instead of watching his girlfriend leave.

         "Zuko's one of my best friends and everything, but sometimes-" Aang grumbled once the curtain for the room closed behind them.

         "-Sometimes he makes you so frustrated your aura feels like it's all twisted in knots." Azula finished for him in her own little way.

         "Yeah... Something like that." Aang still smiled at her input.

         "It's more like he just makes me want to throw chucks of ice at the wall." Ama spoke dryly and crossed her arms.

         "There's so much more we can do! I mean, we didn't even check Kiyi's room for evidence!" Aang continued. "If Sokka were here-"

         "If Sokka were here, he'd sneak off to investigate on his own." Suki finished, her own plan in mind. Ama smirked at her clever friend as she then went down the hallway to Kiyi's room "Come on!"

.☽☼☾.

        Ama, Aang, Ty Lee and Suki searched every corner of Kiyi's room. Aang even used his airbending to lift the bed and look under there. "Anything?" Suki asked.

        "Nope." Ama sighed, still looking inside the large closet.

        "Not a trace." Aang added.

        Ty Lee poked her head through the window from the outside. "Guy! Guys! Come look!" The others were quick to jump out onto the roof and follow Ty Lee. "There was something about the spot where the kemurikage disappeared last night. Something fuzzy and hard to remember. But then I finally got it."

        The perky girl stopped running when they got to a brick wall and she placed a hand on one of the bricks. "When Azula, Mai, and I used to play hide-and seek as kids, Azula would disappear for hours. Mai and I could never find her! It got really, really not fun," She then pushed the brick into the wall. "Until we figured out her secret!"

        The wall rumbled as a secret passage was opened in the wall. "Whoa!" Aang gasped. They all took a look inside, where stairs led through the dark passage.

        "Secret tunnel." Ama sang quietly, recalling the nomads she met with the Gaang.

        "We need to get Zuko." Aang said. No one argued against that and went to look for the Fire hi Lord.

        After spending a good hour, the four finally found Zuko. He and Mai were at the prison, where protestors were being taken for questioning. "Zuko!" Aang shouted to get his attention as they ran towards him. "We've been looking all over for you!"

        "Aang? I thought you left." Zuko looked over at the young boy with confusion.

        "Well, you thought wrong, buddy!" Aang responded. "We found something you gotta see! Come one!"

        Zuko turned away from his friend to get back to his original plans. "I'm sorry, Aang, but General Mak is right. Like I told you, I need to handle this my way."

        "Even if your way is stupid?!" Aang snapped. He realized that Zuko wasn't going to follow them and created a ball of wind. "Stand back."

        "What are you doing?" Suki asked.

        "Getting the Fire Lord's attention." And with that, Aang spun the ball of wind towards Zuko, picked him up and balanced him on top.

        "What the-?!" Zuko shouted in surprise. "Aang! Put me down immediately!"

        "I will as long as you take a look at what we found!" Aang basically refused and flew him all the way back to the palace.

        "What's going on?" Kei Lo shouted as they ran after the two.

        "I don't know, but I'm gonna find out." Mai shouted back.

        Aang only dropped the Fire Lord when they got to the secret entrance. "Oof!" Zuko hit the rough roof. "Don't ever do that again!"

        "Okay, okay. But look!" Aang pressed his hand against the brick, revealing the entrance.

        Zuko quickly picked himself up and went over to the gap. "A secret passageway!" He exclaimed. "So you think this is how Azula and the other kemurikage escaped? How did you figure this out."

        "I remember it from when we were little." Ty Lee answered. "You really should've come exploring with us more, Zuko."

        "I really should've." Zuko said more to himself, staring down into the dark passage. "Kiyi could be on the other side."

        "Tom-Tom, too. I'm coming along." Mai exclaimed.

        "We're coming along." Kei Lo corrected his girlfriend and Mai smiled at him appreciatively.

        "Suki, Ty Lee, please stay to keep guard over the royal palace." Zuko turned to the Kyoshi Warriors.

        "You got it, Zuko!" Ty Lee assured him.

Turning back to the passage, Zuko stepped in first, followed by Aang to light the way. The passage was mainly straight forward.

         They were probably walking for a mile until there were some steps up. "Watch your step here guys." Aang warned, swiftly jumping over the gap in the stairs.

        "Don't worry, Aang." Kie Lo responded, taking Mai's hand and helping her over. "We got it."

        Ama was behind Mai, so once there was enough distance, she prepared to leap over the gap. But just before she did, a gloved hand came into her view. Looking up, Ama saw Mai holding her hand out to help her step up. "Thank you." Ama said as she took her hand, and stepped over the gap.

        "Don't mention it." Mai said.

        They all crowded at the end of the passage. "This must be it." Zuko looked at the stone covering. "Behind this door could be Kiyi and Tom-Tom."

        "And Azula." Aang added.

        The two put their hands on the door to push it open. "You ready?" Zuko asked Aang.

        "Yeah." Aang said with determination. They pushed the stone door open together, revealing a cemetery. Most of the headstones had moss growing on them and some of them were broken.

        "I've been here before." Zuko recalled. "This is the royal family graveyard."

        "I thought that's what the dragonbone catacombs were for." Aang recalled.

        "No, the catacombs are only for the Fire Lords. This place is for everyone else." Zuko corrected him. "It's called the Garden of Tranquil Souls."

        "Really?" Aang looked around the place. "Well... I hate to break it to you, Zuko-" The kemurikage appeared to them and surrounded the 5. "But the souls here don't seem all that tranquil!"

        Zuko and Ama immediately got back to back. Ama opened her waterskin that was attached to the hip, and at the same time, she and Zuko bent their elements at the kemurikage attacking them. The two, nor Aang, noticed Mai run off after one of them. Or more specifically; Azula.

        It wasn't until after Zuko and Ama took down their two attackers that they noticed the fight. Azula had her hood and mask off. One hand gripped Kei Lo's shirt while the other held a blue flame. "Azula, please! Leave him alone!" Mai begged.

        Zuko ran a few feet closer, holding a fist of fire. "Listen to her. Leave him alone." He ordered Azula.

        "Zuzu!" The maniac greeted. "I see you're finally over your little waterbender and trying to win back Mai. But by defending her new boyfriend? That's just sad."

        The siblings threw their fire at each other and it collided into a large wall of flames. But once they were done and the fire died down, Azula made a run for it. "Azula! Stop!" Zuko shouted as he ran after her. He turned to Mia and Kei Lo.

        "Don't worry about us! Go after that nutcase!" Mai pointed in the direction that Azula went. Zuko didn't think twice before running after her. Mai turned to her boyfriend and inspected his shoulder.

        "Did Azula hit him?" Ama asked, stepping up to them.

        "Yeah. With lightning." Mai answered.

        "Here. Let me." Mai stepped to the side while Ama took a look at Kei Lo's shoulder and then placed a water-glove over it. It only took a moment and then she was done.

        "I didn't know waterbenders could do that." Kei Lo looked at his healed shoulder in awe.

        "My sister is better at it than I am." Ama told him, bending her water back into her waterskin. "But I can still get the job done."

        "You okay?" Mai linked her arm in his.

        "Yeah, but I have to tell you, before we started dating, I never used to get injured this often." He chuckled.

        "You know what they say. Love hurts." Mai commented.

        "I guess it does." Kei Lo agreed.

        Ama took those words in; love hurts. Her blue eyes looked in the direction Zuko just ran in. Was love really supposed to hurt this much? To feel so disconnected from the person you love. Ama cared Zuko more than anything. But something didn't feel right between them anymore. And she's known that for a while.

        "Where's Aang?" The waterbender suddenly remembered and looked over at the place they were just standing."

        "Zuko? Ama? Anyone?" Aang's call was faint, but the others could get a general direction of where he was. "Hey! Where did everyone?!"

        Ama and the other two ran in the direction looking for Aang. "Over there!" Kei Lo pointed at one of the graves, the stone was pushed open. They ran in Aang was passed out, two of the kemurikage stood beside him.

        "Who knew a little smoke in the lungs was enough to get the better of the mighty Avatar?" One of them said.

        While they were distracted, Ama and Mai attacked. Each of them punched one of the fake spirits, knocking them out. They landed with a thud and Ama jogged to Aang, waking him up.

        "Thanks." Aang got up, still a bit dazed from the smoke.

        "No need to thank me. It was a pleasure to punch them." Ama smiled.

        "Mai!" A little boy ran up the stairs with his arms out wide.

        "Tom-Tom!" Mai exclaimed, bending down to hug him. "I missed you so much, kid." Ama smiled at the sweet scene.

        "Ama!" Another tiny voice shouted excited. Ama looked at the group of children and Kiyi ran over to her with a giant smile. Ama grinned at the little girl, but it faded a bit when she was Ukano standing there with all the kids. He didn't seem like a threat. He just stood there with a small smile at his children.

        Ama paid no mind to him, she bent down, picking the little girl up and putting her on her waist while Kiyi wrapped her little arms around her neck. "I knew you guys would find us!" She exclaimed.

        "Oh really?" Ama giggled as they walked back out to the graveyard.

        "Yeah!" She shouted. "And guess what I did?!"

        "What?" Ama asked, setting her on the ground so she can walk but still holding her hand.

        "You know how Zuzu practices with fire? Well I did that and melted the door!"

        Ama's eyes widened but she also smiled at her. "So we got a little firebender." She laughed. "I'm impressed Kiyi!"

        "Now, let's find Zuko!" Kiyi jumped, walking a little faster. "Zuzu?! Zuzu, where are you?"

        Ama looked around. It shouldn't be too hard to find Zuko in the graveyard, but Azula was always full of surprises. But he showed up, running out of one of the tombs with a grin.

        "Zuzu!" Kiyi yelled, slipped her hand out of Ama's while she ran to her brother.

        Zuko bent down, holding her in an embrace. "Kiyi! I can't tell you how worried I was about you!" He sighed in relief.

        "I wasn't worried at all! I knew you'd come for us!" Kiyi exclaimed. Zuko picked her up, carrying the child at his hip. He looked over at Ama who was already looking at him. Neither of them said nothing. They just shared a content smile.

.☽☼☾.

        Ukano went to prison and things for the most part went back to normal. But there was still one more thing that had to be addressed. The Fire Nation citizens were still fearful and the doubts that they had about Zuko were already there. So Zuko had to address the citizens.

        Ama stepped outside at the front of the palace where Zuko would be giving his speech in a few minutes. There were already a whole crowd people there to listen. Mainly concerned parents.

        "Hey, Ama." The waterbender heard a feminine and familiar voice. Ama looked to her left, seeing Mai. "I just wanted to say thank you, for being here and helping find my brother."

        "Any time, Mai." Ama smiled.

        "I know we aren't exactly besties, but I'd like to get to know you better." Mai shrugged, like she wasn't used to making friends. Which was likely the case since Azula and Ty Lee were her only friends. But they'd been together since kids and Azula had just kidnapped her brother.

        "I'd like that too. But, I think it's only fair to warn you that I won't be in the Fire Nation for much longer." Ama told her.

        Mai had a confused look at first, but then realization hit. The raven haired girl thought about her conversation with Zuko. About how Ama wasn't letting go of his mistake and how she was heartbroken. But Ama didn't look all that heartbroken, standing in front of Mai. Maybe nervous and sad, but like she was understanding something.

        "Well, for whatever reason that is, you can always find me to hang out. Hopefully we find something to bond over and get along."

        "You mean other than the fact that we've both seen Zuko's dick?" Only after the fact did Ama realize that Mai probably wasn't the kind of person to find that amusing. So she was surprised to see the Fire Nation girl crack a smile, and even a chuckle.

        "I take what I said back, I definitely think we'll get along." Mai said after her short laugh.

        As soon as their small conversation ended, one of the Fire Sages rang the gong, meaning that Zuko was ready to step out and address the crowd. The double doors opened, revealing the Fire Lord. He stepped forward at the height of the steps to be seen by everyone.

        "My fellow citizens, thank you for gathering here on such short notice." He spoke loudly and clearly to the audience. "The last few nights have been traumatic for all of us. Our children were taken, our parents grew fearful, and our streets descended into chaos. And as your Fire Lord, I, well, I responded poorly."

        "Security and freedom exist in a delicate balance. I did not maintain balance well. My recent decisions were based not on reason, not on wisdom, but on fear. For that I ask for your forgiveness. You should never feel like prisoners in your own city, or suspects in your own homes. I resolve to do better. I will continue striving to be a Fire Lord worthy of you. I'm grateful for your patience. I'm grateful for your trust."

        The citizens cheered for him. A proud smile formed on Ama's lips as she clapped. The way he took responsibility and promised to do better. Ama always admired that.

        He'd changed so much since their first meeting. Zuko went from being the guy trying to capture them to being the guy she fell in love with. Which was just why doing this next part was so hard for her.

        After his speech, the couple took a walk in the gardens. They were silent until they sat under a tree by the pond. The turtle ducks swam happily and freely together.

        "Ama, I feel like I can't say I'm sorry enough." He spoke first. Zuko took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb on the top of her hand.

        "It's fine." Ama smiled at his touch. "Zuko, I think we need to talk about..." She paused, turning about from his curious gaze. "About us."

        Zuko shifted, facing her more directly. "What do you mean."

        "In the month that I was away I had a lot of time to think" She started.

        "Think about what?" Zuko was starting to get scared.

        "Zuko, we've been through a lot together." Ama started, remembering how they battled Azula, went to find his mom, and did so much together. "I wouldn't trade the time we spent together for anything-."

        "Where are you going with this?" Zuko said quietly, like he already knew.

        "Zuko, I think we need to break up." Ama finally told him. Her tone was calm. Her thoughts clear and rational.

        Zuko looked away from her and at the pond. His eyebrows were furrowed and a frown was placed on his lips. "Is it because of Mai? I know Azula said some things but-" His tone was borderline upset. Like he was trying not to let his feelings out but they were still spilling.

        "It's not about Mai, Zuko." Ama assured him, his tone made her a bit nervous. "I'll admit, I've been jealous of her for a while. But-"

        "Exactly! You were and still are jealous. But Mai and I are just friends." He interrupted. "If you just got over it then we don't need to break up!"

        "I'm not jealous of Mai!" Ama snapped back and stood up, to look down at him. "If you will just let me speak instead of jumping to conclusions-!"

        "Well if it's not that then it must be the fact that I "don't talk to you about anything"." Zuko stood up as well, standing right in front of her. He was just an inch or two taller than her, but with the height and the glare, it was a bit threatening. "What? You still feel like you aren't enough?"

        "So now you're going to tease me about the insecurities I had?!" Ama shouted. "You are so infuriating, Zuko!"

        "I'm infuriating?!" The boy didn't shout at her. He glared and just barely raised his voice, but he didn't yell. He wasn't that person anymore and he didn't have the heart to yell at her. But he was still upset. "You're the one breaking up for me for petty reasons!"

        Zuko felt like he was losing his grip. He was confused. He knew that he did wrong when it came to communicating, but how many times did he have to apologize and promise to do better. He'd make it up to her. He'd tell her everything ten times over, take her on more dates, and so much more. He loved her so much and couldn't bear to lose her.

        "Oh forget it!" Ama grumbled as she shook her head, a grimance on her lips. "You obviously don't seem to understand what I'm saying, but the fact is still evident that we're through."

        She turned to leave, walking fast out of the garden. "Wait, Ama!" Zuko called, running over to her. The girl stopped walking, but she didn't turn around. And Zuko knew better than to lay a hand on her. "Can't we fix this."

        Ama's face turned red in anger. Her jaw clenched and her hand's turned into fists. "After how you just talked to me?! I don't think so!" Without looking back, Ama bent the water from the pond, forcing it onto the unsuspecting Fire Lord. Zuko fell to the side, drenched in water.

        The girl grumbled under her breath as she stomped away to meet Aang and go to the South Pole. To go home. But at that moment, the waterbender didn't see it as going to see her family. She was thinking about getting away from Zuko.

        Aang had just finished up packing everything onto Appa. He grinned when he noticed the girl walk over, but it quickly disappeared when he saw the way she stomped to the flying bison.

        "Hey, is everything okay?" He nervously asked as she hastily climbed up Appa.

        "Everything will be once we get to the South Pole." Ama responded sourly.

        "Do you need to-"

        "Can we just go!" Ama snapped. Aang jumped in surprise, but still jumped onto Appa's head and left.

        Aang waited a while till he said something. He glanced back at the waterbender. Her arms were crossed and her face stoic as she looked up at the sky. "What happened?"

        "Zuko and I broke up." Ama said with no emotion.

        Aang didn't know what to say. He wasn't going to lie and say he didn't see it coming. He knew they were having issues with communication. And he saw the way Ama acted in the month Zuko didn't talk to her. She felt free. She was enjoying her time with different people from the cities. Though she worried about how Zuko never reached out, he saw how she was understanding herself more. Without him.

        So Aang said nothing. He kept his eyes on the sky. Ama needed to think and take everything in. The way she stomped over earlier. The break up must have been bad. She needed space. And when she was ready, she needed her siblings.

.☽☼☾.

This isn't the end, obviously. Stay tuned for one more comic chapter and then to the more interesting plot!

Hang loose, amigos 🤙🏼

#fire lord zuko #zuko x oc #zuko fanfic #atla #waterbender oc #fire and water #her sun his moon #atla fanfic #avatar #zuko

[exobyharu]

PCY - One Shot

Image source to follow. I just Googled it like this

“You just freaking downgraded me!”

Summary: PCY knows that he’s being a five -year-old for treating you like a guy. But what’s a man to do when the girl he likes is taken? Here’s a friendly little back and forth with PCY a few days after you break up with your boyfriend.

⏰10:01 AM

🌏A deserted mall parking lot, but only because it’s not open yet

🌞The kind of sunny that makes PCY squint.

👥YN, Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun (mentioned), YBN (your ex-boyfriend) (mentioned)

Notes: It’s been forever! But I’m still alive! There’s a little mention of implied violence, but it’s all just cute, really. Sorry I take too long! 

Words: ~2,100

💙💙💙

“Or you can quit telling me how to live my life, Chanyeol,” you complain, putting your phone down because you finally spot Chanyeol getting down their company car in his glorious failure of a disguise – a white cap and facemask, worn under a hoodie with the word BALENCIAGA spelled in angry bold letters across his broad back. For an idol who has spent years in the limelight, you would think that the guy had grown wiser in his choice of outfits for public places like, this instance, a mall parking lot. Even that middle-aged woman raking leaves across the entrance gives him a second look.

Who wouldn’t?

Because there is no need to walk like that – with a slight upward tilt in his head, one hand pressing a phone to his ear and the other on his hip, strutting confidently with smooth, long strides. You make a mental note to remind him that the pavement is no catwalk. It’s almost mesmerising, watching a real-life supermodel approach you, looking fresh even when his eyes are squinting hard against the mid-morning sun.

About three meters away, his voice is distinctly Chanyeol, but just a bit huskier than usual as if he is dying to put on a show. Too bad there seems to be no one else watching but you.

“It’s real! You’re here!“ he calls out anyway, extending a clenched fist – a move that you recognise is reserved for his male friends. You stare at the fist bump that never happened, knowing well what he would say if you take his bait. Something along the lines of: For a man, your hands are small, or How’s my brother in a woman’s body? or That’s my little YN-niee! which is always followed by Yah! I really wish you were born a guy!

So you stare at his hand, not sharing the level of his excitement. Shit just happened. You have too little energy to deal with Chanyeol’s fantasies of you as his younger brother. When he notices your lack of enthusiasm, his outstretched hand goes for your head and attempts to mess your hair up instead. “You must be desperate to waste money. The mall does not open in an hour.”

Just desperate to get out of my head, really.

On a regular day, you would hate even the wind for ruining your hair. But this time, his hands are surprisingly gentle. You make an effort to ignore how it feels and snap back at him, anyway. “It’s called Retail Therapy. You just don’t understand the joy of buying yourself new clothes because you never have to.”

He proudly concurs with a smug raise of his brows. “That’s true. I never have to.” It’s that attitude of his that always earns him a slap to his arm. But his fingers are playfully combing through your hair now, and you do not exactly hate the feeling. So you just let him, hoping nobody with a camera on his person ever sees this happening.

“Meanwhile, may I comment that the whole look you went for this morning is aptly low profile,” you tell him for the sake of saying something.

But what you say makes him tug at his training pants reflexively. “These?”

When he removes his cap, pulls down his mask, and appraises his outfit, you realise that he had just overlooked your sarcasm.

“Uh-huh. It totally pleads Don’t Stalk Me, Dispatch. I'm Not Park Chanyeol, I Promise.”

He chuckles. “It’s protection,” he reasons, completely getting rid of the cap and mask.

“Protection? From what? The sun?”

This time, it is you, genuinely not picking up on the joke – or pun – either way, you know that he spends quite a lot of time with his good friend Baekhyun who gives equally horrible punch lines. You have met the guy a few times and you are sure that the baffled look you had on your face is the exact same one you’re giving Chanyeol at the moment.

He seems to enjoy it. It takes him a few seconds to explain. “It’s protection from you.”

From me?

“Excuse you, but I’m the one who needs protecting!” You argue and it makes him grin from ear to ear. You realise that you had just given him the reaction he was hoping to get.

“No, you don’t,” he insists, “Based on last night’s phone call, you’re upset over your boyfriend. And do you know what you do when you’re upset, in general?”

“What?” Frankly, you know that you do a lot of things.

“You flail your arms around and hit people!” Chanyeol exclaims, and then he stretches his arms out and flaps them, trying to imitate how you’re supposed to look. It’s ridiculous how he is making it appear worse than it actually is. “You and your little man paws! Hitting innocent people all because your boyfriend made you cry again! It’s about time–””

“Yah! For the final time, Chanyeol, I am not a man! Also, must I tell you, he’s not my boyfriend anymore!”

“Shut it! You are one of us so that makes you a – wait, you… He… What?” There’s a bit of a delay, but in a snap, his energy drops, his eyes grow wide and your first point is now obviously abandoned.

“It’s what I said,” you clarify reluctantly. “And, my main point right now, please stop treating me like a guy, already!”

Chanyeol’s not hearing any of what you just said. His eyes remain on yours, searching for any hint of a lie.

He does not find one. “You’re saying… That YBN is not?? …Anymore?”

Again, the same reaction. It’s the same words, the same tone, the same look of caution and concern – it’s always the same questions every time you tell somebody new. All the repetitive explaining is starting to become more painful than the breakup itself. You hate it more than you can express. It makes you lose it for a moment and yell at your friend with careless regard for your surroundings. “You understood the first time! Why does everyone want me to spell it out?!”

That is when you realise that he is right. Your hands have a mind of their own.

“Yah! Yah! That’s what I’m talking about!” Chanyeol whines, using his forearm to fend off a jab that you were about to give him. Just as he had predicted. “Watch out because people around here will know who you’re hitting. Do that a few more times and you’ll be exposed. My fans won’t like it!”

You roll your eyes at his sudden mood shift after confirming your breakup. There’s no way you’re missing Chanyeol’s smile that is starting to inch in. He never really liked YBN. Now that you’ve broken up with the guy, you can already hear the satisfaction dripping in his voice when he delivers his much anticipated I told you so because this time, he’s right. You grumble, exceptionally annoyed, because of how right he is.

“Anywaaaay, back to why I need protecting…  You’re right. He nearly hit me.”

And you wonder why Chanyeol’s pretty slow on the uptake this morning. He takes two seconds.

“What!?” Finally, his eyes nearly bug out of their sockets. He takes another second to shake his head from disbelief and then asks again. “He what?!”

This morning, Chanyeol’s a freaking cartoon. His aggravated expression seems out of place, given how much he has been confronting you about your now-ex-boyfriend’s alleged tendency towards violence. He saw it coming. Why is he so surprised? Your eyes roll.

“Relaaaaax. I’m more capable than I look. I started training for–”

“Stop that!” he interrupts, dismissing all humour from the situation. “He hit you?!” And he’s angry, possibly even more furious than your father had been. You certainly don’t remember doing anything that warranted any scolding. But here he is, getting all worked up while you stand your ground with hands in your pockets because you are starting to pick on your nails. Despite your nerves, you try to remain as calm as you could, and you are determined to make him realise that you’re not the enemy here.

“You’re not listening to me, Chanyeol! I said he nearly, and by nearly, I mean he missed. He punched the wall behind my face instead.”

You say it with a convincing smile, but Chanyeol still does not respond. He inhales sharply and looks up the sky, pulling his hair – what he does whenever he could not get his point across.

“But I’m kinda proud of myself, so thanks for asking twice,” you continue, still grinning at him and trying to keep it cool. You’re not about to just watch him blow up. Not now and certainly not here. An angry Chanyeol is not a fun Chanyeol. So you let the silence ensue as you watch him, whose eyes are still closed and is obviously putting in the effort, himself.  

He fails.

“Fucking hell. Who hits a woman!?” All of a sudden, he starts to furiously rub his face against his palms until his nose turns pink. “Does he know who he’s messing with? Have you seen how small he stands beside me? I could crush him with–”

“Park Chanyeol!” You yell at him this time, because it is the only way to snap him out of it. “He messed with me. Not you. And I’ll remind you that you’re my dad’s student, not my bodyguard!”

“But I am also your friend!”

That had done it. He yells even louder, causing a dog to bark in the distance. It brings him back to the present, as you notice him consciously steal a side glance at the parking entrance, making sure nobody has come to watch the show.

When he sees that nobody’s there, he grumbles something incoherent. I’m a special friend, it sounded very much like. But he shakes his head again and promptly rephrases that. “Look, I am your good friend, first of all! I can’t believe you just freaking downgraded me!”

That you did. But that’s only because you think he’s getting too involved in this. You’ve let it go.

Why couldn’t he?

“You see, this is why I didn’t get to join your family’s dinner last Friday. Also, this is why I didn’t tell you over the phone! Look at you!”

He does. He realises that his hands are now impulsively clenched into fists at his sides, and his feet, apart, and planted to the ground as if he is preparing for a fight. With you.

“Calm down a little? I had enough testosterone when I told my dad about it last night,” you explain. You’re not about to let yourself get another round of scolding. This morning is all about recovery. “I promise I’m okay and I’ll feel even better when I get to shop for things I like!”

Your false eagerness seems to exasperate him even more. “Again, that’s a waste of money. You’ll surely buy clothes you won’t wear again!”

“How am I supposed to… Give me alternatives then!” you demand. He’s got way too much opinions any way.

But Chanyeol accepts his chance and then he goes, “Hm,” full of scrutiny, as if he has something better in mind. It turns out that he actually does. And by better, he means better by his standards. “How about I teach you how to throw a proper punch?”

“You mean, boxing?”

He nods.

And you think hell no. You eye him suspiciously, peering at him from under his cap that he had just placed on your head. “If this about making me a man, I swear to–”

“Come on, just come on! I’ll make it fun!” His mood seems to shift for good this time. “We can tape his face on the punching bag and you can pretend to be hitting him!”

“Nice try, but that only hurts my hands. It’ll make no difference,” you tell him, even though a part of you considers the idea an entertaining way to get over yourself already.

“It will, I promise. I’ll fund your next shopping spree if I don’t convince you.”

The suggestion gets you thinking even more. It’s not a bad deal, is it? You bite the bullet and Chanyeol sees that he’s got the upper hand. You both smile. “Any more benefits?” you ask. And his response comes as a reflex. “That, and I’ll make sure your punches reach him through me.”

“Park Chanyeol!”

“Hahaha! I’m just kidding!” Chanyeol promises, playfully holding his fists out in front of you. You don’t quite miss that devious smirk. “Or am I?”

💙💙💙

- end - 

#chanyeol #chanyeol scenarios #park chanyeol #exo scenarios #exo #park chanyeol scenarios #exo fanfiction #kpop scenarios #chanyeol scenario

[overthinkingtaleblr]

Overthinking Venturiantale 1

Something I find interesting in characters are interactions. The way a character acts around another can be a fantastic way to do show, don’t tell in writing. Especially in Venturiantale, where a lot of characters are threats of varying level of severity. Jimmy Casket, especially.

The way Jimmy’s character is set up, he is permanently connected to someone with authority over a group, and who is trusted to keep people safe. This is a bit of an oxymoron, a murderer being apart of a person trying to keep people safe, but that just adds to it all.

So, of course, he has fun interactions.

With Toast, with Ghost, with the police- most of them end with violence (especially the latter) but still it’s interesting to see how his character differs between interpretations.

However, I can’t help but notice there is a common occurrence when Spooker meets Casket. Spooker is scared, and in danger. Or oblivious, and in danger. This seems to be repetitive and common in interpretation, and usually ends with Spooker dying and his character being abandoned for the rest of the fic, or he gets really scared and no ones cares about how he feels aside from a few “oh this really is scary” lines or something like that.

(It’s likely this event won’t give him lasting trauma, but if it does it won’t be important to the plot and the story wouldn’t be about fixing it. In fact his (valid) discomfort of his boss could be used as another way to spin how Ghost is so alone in this story and how nobody trusts him. But then Spooker is the ‘bad guy’ for not trusting the man inhabiting the same body of someone who tried to kill him, but I digress.)

Today I would like to give another way to interpret how a Spooker and Casket meeting might go, because I recently remembered something about Spooker! I would also like to specify that this argument is more steered toward focus where death is a prevalent issue and respawns are not a common occurrence, though this can be used with likely more sense to them in respawn-holding fics as well.

Spooker isn’t the biggest scaredy-cat in the world. Like, sure, he’s had instances where he’s been terrified over nothing, but he’s also had instances where he’s barely blinked at danger. He was scared of the ghost children in his intro video, but even upon from hearing the man, who he has thus far trusted, that something was demonic and could kill everybody on the planet, he was calm about it. He didn’t immediately scream and run away, he stood his ground and continued to press his curiosity for a bit longer, this being— if memory serves— one of the only (or first) times he really pushed against Ghost in the video.

This could be for two reasons: one, the simple one, Spooker is being stupid and doesn’t understand, even with Ghost’s panicked explanation, how dangerous it is.

Two, the fun one: Spooker fully understands how dangerous this demon is, but also is full aware that everything Ghost warned about happening likely wouldn’t for various reasons Ghost probably never considered. Maybe the fact that the demon is centralized around a single building and has had 80% of their captured souls banished to various dimensions before this point? Maybe his dad introduced him to demons in the past and he understands that, like bees, if you don’t piss off certain demons, they won’t react. Ghost never took the time to find out what demon it was past the level, maybe Spooker was curious whether what kind of demon it was would change how they dealt with it.

Whatever the case is I’m already getting off topic. There could always be more options to this, but these are the ones most likely to me now.

Anyways, This is the first time we see Spooker stare down danger smiling. The second time would have to be several times in his second appearance. Specifically, the time his dad set a kitchen on fire with people inside it, burning them all to death. Spooker was unfazed, and rather happy. Things like this show us that Spooker can ignore fear of dangers, such as fire and demons, if he can reason why it’s safe. The fire is controlled by his dad, and his dad wouldn’t want to hurt him. Demons are a type of monster that he has a base understanding of, even if he hasn’t met a demon before, he credited a horror movie with a demonic antagonist as his experience to the paranormal industry. Ghost Children and a whole ritual thing he seems to have never heard of before is probably not high on the list of things he knows enough to feel familiar with.

So, Spooker isn’t too scared of things he understands at least a bit! This basically makes Casket a non-threat to him. For start, Casket is wearing Johnny Ghost’s skin, basically. His appearance is familiar, and while some of his actions are not, I can’t say his actions are entirely unfamiliar. Ghost is well known for acting a bit spontaneously and differently in his behavior, especially under stress. We’ve seen a spectrum range of emotions from Ghost under pressure that never lead to a Casket arrival. Finally, murder is a common thing in the Venturiantale Universe, and knowing Chackalatta got banished to a pocket dimension for killing people, there’s no way Spooker hasn’t seen a couple of close calls. Also, there’s a reason Spooker’s last name is Soup, he was probably raised in Chackalatta’s kitchen. There’s no way this kid isn’t familiar with knives. (Plus the man literally said he had always wanted to be a ghost. If Casket DID kill him, there’s nothing stopping him from just thanking the guy.)

So, in terms of familiarity, Spooker kind of has nothing to fear! The only time Spooker has actually met Casket though— from what i can remember— was during the Puppet Arc and that’s kind of up in the air on whether or not that actually happened (I lean more toward yes tbh).

This brings me back to interactions. The interactions between Spooker and Jimmy have grown scarily predictable in where they’re going to go. I can’t expect Spooker to properly stand up for himself and unless someone else intervenes, Spooker is likely to become horrified or remain oblivious to the situation, and will ultimately be stabbed. While Spooker being able to face situation calmly is what i most spoke of in this, I would love it if there were other interpretations to his behavior to Casket. Spooker is friendly, what if he extended this friendly attitude to someone he knew was dangerous? Spooker has a tendency for things to go okay for him in the end, what if he survived a Scooby-Doo-like chase scene with Casket, maybe even managing to stop him by accident.

Whatever the case, I’m just getting sick of their interactions as they are now. A lot of them are pretty obviously made by people who dislike him, though i suppose that’s better than pretending he doesn’t exist.

Conclusion: I spent too much time on this. I have a lot to say about very little and this probably don’t make any sense anymore... Please consider fiddling with characterization, though?

#venturiantale #Spooker #Overthinking Venturiantale #long post #Jimmy Casket

[culebratia]

Honest opinions on horror villains

Okay so I love horror villains and horror in general. Most of them are really interesting and have a sort of grotesque charm to them that I can’t really describe, it draws you to them and pulls you into wanting more. But there are some horror villains that are either overrated and underrated, and today I’m here to discuss some of them! (I’d like to reiterate that I don’t hate any of these characters, I actually like them all! But I’m just talking in a general perspective and my view on their popularity and the actual movie they come from.)

LESLIE VERNON

* overrated.

* okay, I know, people are going to get upset at me over this. This was an amazing movie, they said. It’s so new and different from the others, they said. And I completely understand that! It’s unique and inventive and I love the whole premise of the movie, but goddamn did it bore me..

* I like Leslie Vernon as a character, but I don’t love him like I do with other characters. He’s cool! I adore his slasher design, but his personality bores me a little bit at times. There are some points where my emotions and feelings on the guy are a little bit like a rollercoaster — up and down, up and down, up and down. It’s crazy.

* once again, I like the concept of his movie, but the way it was presented in a filmmaking point of view is underwhelming.

ART THE CLOWN

* underrated.

* there are three movies I know of with Art in them: The 9th Circle, All Hallow’s Eve and Terrifer. And all of them are equally shit, which is to be expected since it was written and directed by a young guy who specialises in special effects. But damn was Art interesting to watch.

* there are some points in the movies where I think “why couldn’t he have starred in a better made film?” because if that were so, he’d get so much more publicity! Art is an absolutely terrifying demon clown creature, way more scary than Pennywise, and people from around the world should know his name! He’s the only character in all the movies who actually has good actors.

* shitty movie, fantastic character. I hope to see more of him.

MICHAEL MYERS

* overrated by a milestone.

* look, I’m all for Michael Myers. He’s hot, lemme tell you that. But he’s a really boring character. It’s all the same (apart from the 3rd movie)! Michael returns to his hometown to find and kill Laurie, killing a whole other group of people who she happens to be involved with at some time during the movie.

* when I watch a horror movie, I want to have the villain to have some sort of character. At least with Jason, you can see some emotion in him which defines him as a whole! But with Michael? He’s a clean slate, and that is soo uninteresting.

* first two movies were great, others were unneeded honestly.

BILLY LENZ

* underrateeeeed.

* stinky attic boy needs some love. He is what started the slasher genre for peats sake and yet everyone overlooks him as a horror villain. Let me tell you, that phone scene in the beginning was absolutely fucking terrifying when I first watched it, and it’s still unsettling to this day even after I’ve watched it a million fucking times.

* we never even got to see Billy’s face properly throughout the whole movie and yet he made such an impact on everyone who ever watched Black Christmas! And that ending scene? Perfect cliffhanger. (The remake was shit compared to the original)

* great movie, great character, needs more credit.

BRAHMS HEELSHIRE

* overrated.

* bet y’all are shocked at this aren’t you? He’s the character I most often write for. But that’s really because he’s heavily requested. I actually don’t really like him all that much, too much exposure I guess. I mean I have nothing against his character as a whole, he’s attractive to me and interesting but I don’t actually know.

* now the movie is something I do know about though: bullshit. Absolutely terrible. A basic plot line (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing sometimes, it just needs to be played out right) and a director which results to cheap jump scares because apparently that’s ‘scary’. The movie as a whole is so predictable and it never scared me once when I went to watch it at the cinema. I can understand why people like it though.

* decent(?) character, bad movie.

OTIS DRIFTWOOD + family

* underrated.

* okay this might have something to do with my weakness for Bill Moseley, scarily cute women and clowns, but man do I love the Firefly family. Each and every character, even the ones we barely see, within the family is so perfectly polished and unique, and I love Rob Zombie for it. He can’t write dialogue for shit but man do I love his horror villains.

* although the first movie was very confusing at some points. Like, what?? What was with that ending? It was a very good movie in my opinion and was actually pretty horrifying. It used things that disgust us and manipulated that to terrify every single one of its viewers and that’s perfect. Hated the protagonists though.

* fantastic movie, great villains, shitty protagonists,

FREDDY KRUEGER

* overrated.

* now don’t get me wrong, I love Freddy, I grew up loving Freddy. He’s witty and fun to watch, maybe not like Chucky, but after a while he gets so repetitive that it gets really really annoying. Couldn’t they think of something unique and interesting for him to say instead of him just calling everyone a bitch??

* the writing becomes boring after a while, the directors add so many unnecessary features, weaknesses and powers we had no clue even existed up until this very point, and it’s overall not a very good franchise when you get into it. I enjoyed the first and seventh movie a lot, but all of the other ones didn’t really excite me all that much.

* okay character, okay movie, but isn’t worth all the attention.

NUBBINS SAWYER, DRAYTON SAWYER, CHOP-TOP SAWYER + GRANDPA SAWYER

* un👏🏽der👏🏽ra👏🏽ted

* these boys deserve just the same amount of attention that Leatherface does. I know that Bubba is a really cool character, and he deserves attention too! But that doesn’t mean that his family get to be left out. Each and every single one of them helped shape the Texas Chainsaw franchise to what it is today, and honestly it wouldn’t have been as amazing without them in it.

* Texas Chainsaw has so many metaphors within it nobody really goes into. When we first meet Nubbins and he’s kicked out of the van, Franklin very obviously points out “would you be able to do that?” referring to Nubbins slicing his hand up, and later on we see Franklin blowing raspberries at his friends due to the fact that he couldn’t go upstairs because of his disability, which is exactly what Nubbins was doing when he couldn’t get into the van. This area is the director exploring the ways that people could so easily turn into madness without people realising it.

* Drayton Sawyer is your average looking fellow who runs the Sawyer household, but he is not average at all. He’s sadistic, witty, hypocritical, and surprisingly still a Christian. He claims that he “doesn’t like to do the killing” and yet he’s shown constantly poking and prodding at the final girls like they’re some caged animals, living only for the pleasure of himself. The fact that he’s an elderly man basically screams “wolf in sheeps clothing”, because usually when you see an elderly person, you assume them to be kind and wise, whereas, Drayton can’t even spell ‘sex’ correctly.

* Chop-Top wasn’t present in the first movie sadly, but it’s explained why, which is understandable in a filmmaking perspective. He is probably the most terrifying character out of the bunch. He’s impulsive, disgusting, and absolutely fucking insane. Whether or not this is due to his time in Vietnam I don’t know, but man does it make a great affect. And that time in the movie where he was introduced? It was absolutely heavenly. No one in today’s horror industry would build up suspense like that and cause so much raw fear from a petty jump scare. The fact that he carries around his damn brothers corpse like he’s puppet, treating him like he’s still a living being adds onto the scare factor as well.

* great villains, good movies, everything after TCSM2 wasn’t really very good though.

Okay, now that’s over and done with! Let me show you my top ten favourite horror villains (from actual horror movies), you’ll either be completely shocked or completely not! :)

Pinhead — love the creature design. Fantastic personality and concept. Annoyed he’s not a woman.

Bubba Sawyer — baby boy needs love. And affection. And kisses. And basically anything positive. We must protect him.

Chop-Top Sawyer — terrified me when I first saw him as a kid. I wanna fuck Bill Moseley. I love his personality. Wish his movie came out.

Captain Spaulding — funny ass motherfucker. Always cracks me up. I want him to be my daddy.

Hannibal Lecter — interesting in a psychological perspective. Has a way to make your skin crawl without doing much.

Art the Clown — scarier than Pennywise. I wish his movies were better. Why didn’t Terrifier make it obvious he was a demon?

Otis Driftwood — boy’s a hottie. But please stop fucking corpses. Once again, Bill Moseley.

Stu Macher — first fictional crush. He’s my irl type of guy. I dated a guy like him once.

Jennifer Check — movie was ahead of its time. Legit was about having a succubus gf. Lesbian scene was hot. I’m gay for Meagan Fox.

Billy Lenz — terrifying phone calls. Nasty boi. The remakes will never be as great as the OG Black Christmas.

Anyways, so that’s it! It’s past midnight currently so I might just go to bed lol but whatever. I’ve wanted to write this out for a whiiile but decided to just get it over with now. I’ll say it all again: every character I write for, I like, I just have different levels of like, so please no hate over this. Thanks!

#horror #movie #pinhead #art the clown #brahms heelshire #leslie vernon #michael myers #billy lenz #jennifer check #chop top sawyer #drayton sawyer #nubbins sawyer #freddy krueger #otis driftwood #baby firefly #captain spaulding #bubba sawyer #stu macher #ghostface

[fantastic-nonsense]

Winners and Losers of the 6th Democratic Debate

Winners:

Biden: Surprised the hell out of me and actually sounded competent and actually put together tonight. Still had some really weird and skeevy af answers, but overall came out sounding pretty good. Points deducted for unnecessary shouting, being dragged by Bernie a couple of times on his foreign policy, his inability to articulate his record on military policy, and the really odd and awkward segue into the story about the kid with the stutter. 

Warren: Liz desperately needed a comeback night after her drop in the polls and god did she deliver. She sounded coherent and put together, was on message, was far more aggressive than she had been in previous debates (but effectively so and not needlessly so), and played as a very effective first round to take out Buttigieg so that Bernie and Yang could take the slam dunk shot and victory laps respectively. She was also able to effectively articulate pretty much everything, including a very well done answer on how she would exercise executive power in a divided Congress. 

Bonus points for her responses on corruption/how corruption keeps progressive policies from getting passed and her response to the “are you too old to be president” question with “Well I would be the youngest female president ever elected.” Points deducted for not being able to answer Buttigieg's ‘are you corrupted Senator’ question, the slightly odd repetition of the “selfie line” line, and the slight zone out during the closing statements.

Bernie: also sounded far better and more coherent than he has at the past few debates. Simultaneously played peacemaker/argument-finisher and agitator to great effect. Highlights: getting the slam dunk on Buttigieg after the Warren-Buttigieg fight, shutting the Biden-Klobuchar fight down, and his comments on Israel-Palestine. Multiple points deducted for giving the mods the complete runaround on healthcare and not saying what he would do if he couldn’t get his bills passed in the Senate.

Middle of the Pack/“Almost Winners”:

Yang: I will never be convinced to vote for him, but having fewer candidates on the stage definitely worked to Yang’s advantage. Generally speaking, he had fairly compelling points and was able to articulate his thoughts quite a bit more. However, I’m dinging him significantly for all of those times that he stopped and visibly waited for applause; it came off as very Jeb “please clap” Bush, and I’m not about that life. He also completely missed the point on multiple occasions and reminded me that he’s not a politician with no political experience, and thus no real practical understanding of how to wield political power. I’m glad he’s there for the issues he’s articulating, but I would never vote for him for a federal-level office before he has served at a local, county, or state level.

Amy Klobuchar: okay before I get into her performance can I just say how weird it is that she’s polling at like 2% nationally and has had the most/second most speaking time at 2 debates in a row now??? Anyway Klobuchar was basically…the same, which means that she was kind of obnoxious and inserted herself and her opinions into everything, as usual. Lots of focus on “I can get it done” and “we need a Midwesterner” and obviously forced jokes (like Amy, I get it, you’re the “hello fellow kids” candidate, but you really don’t need to go that hard by name-dropping the “Notorious RBG” on live national television), not a lot of focus on how to actually move us forward into the future. She got some good shots in and sounded forceful, but nothing particularly substantial was said. Highlight of her night was her absolutely ending Buttigieg over the question of his experience. So she did much better than she has in previous debates, but not enough to actually put her into the 'winners' category.

The Losers:

Buttigieg: tonight was Dunk on Buttigieg night and he was obviously not prepared for it. He was able to semi-effectively combat Warren, but he had no response to Bernie and Yang coming after him using the opening provided by her attacks and Klobuchar coming back around to solidly end him. Also the “wine cellar” moment is already meme-ing its way around Tumblr and Twitter, which is not going to help him a bit either. He gave his usual “sound good but incredibly vague with no concrete answers” spiels, and still doesn’t seem to understand why universal public services should be free to everyone and not just poor/middle-class people; I don’t care if I’m paying for a rich kid to go to college or get healthcare, because they in turn are paying for me to go to college and get healthcare. Public services are for everyone to enjoy and profit from, not just poor people. He had multiple good moments, but they were overshadowed by his bad ones.

Tom Steyer: the entire time I just kept thinking “why are you here and peddling your false ‘I am the only one who has done anything’ nonsense???” Steyer imo came off as passionate about the issues and willing to put his money where his mouth is but condescending, pretentious, and dismissive of the work that everyone else on stage has done to advance various issues. Not a good look, but also not terribly surprising.

General Thoughts:

This debate was so much better and far more substantive than previous debates. The moderators weren’t particularly great, but they asked really meaty and tough questions and did hold the candidates accountable when they were giving the runaround. I particularly loved how this debate focused more on foreign policy, the area over which the President traditionally holds the most direct influence. Still waiting on some substantive questions on women’s issues other than abortion and birth control.

I’m so tired of watching Bernie and Biden yell at each other. Someone please save me.

Booker, Castro, and Steyer need to drop now. I'm content to put up with Yang until Iowa (when he obviously needs to drop out), and obviously Buttigieg isn't going anywhere until the first four states (at least) have voted. 

As predicted, Biden, Sanders, and Warren are and continue to be the three frontrunners and the race is very likely to end up as either a three-way race to a contested convention or a Biden vs. Sanders or Warren (depending on which progressive candidate can garner more votes). I don't see Buttigieg managing to overtake Biden as the leading moderate in the race after tonight, which dings my original prediction that the race was going to end up as Biden and Buttigieg vs. Sanders and Warren fighting between whether the moderates or progressives were going to win the primary.

What really depresses me about Warren asking for forgiveness for getting too heated over issues is that it's such a female thing to do, especially female politicians, who constantly have to apologize and explain their angry words and confrontational speech where everyone accepts it wholesale from men and male politicians. That wasn't interview-level cringiness, that was a genuine belief that she should apologize for sounding angry.

Also the fact that the two women on stage both asked for forgiveness (and both for “getting too emotional over the issues”) and all of the men shrugged and were like ‘gifts! Buy my book.’ That last question is going to get analyzed quite a bit in the coming days, and it’s hopefully going to spark some conversation about the different standards we hold male and female politicians to

PBS noting in their post-debate discussion that Biden, Sanders, and Warren all came from less money than Buttigieg and that they didn't earn their money until their 40s when discussing the Warren-Buttigieg "you're worth more than I am" moment like lmao go off

#democratic debate #2020 election #personal #politics liveblogging

[caffeinatedtimdrake]

what about a damian x reader for 46, 47, 58 and 30 where reader is a 'ghost' or someone who isn't noticed by many and is mainly the second option of everyone and is damian's bestfriend and then one day she juts distances herself and stops talking because she feels like she's just damian's second option and he'll forget her in the end?make it angsty (just light pls.) and fluffy in the end please.

I hope this is okay anon! 2.8k of (older!)Damian x female!reader fluff ft a sprinkling of angst.

30.“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!” 46.“I thought you forgot about me.” “Never.” 47.“I’m fine.” “You don’t look fine.” “Then stop looking.” 58.“Why me?” “Because you saw me when I was invisible.”

Spring hangs in the air, sweet with sunshine and apple blossoms, and silence hangs between you and Damian like the tendrils of a weeping willow beneath a pristinely blue sky. A week-long break lay ahead of you, but a metaphorical storm cloud brooded over your head and dampened any inkling of exaltation you might feel about several days of freedom. 

The grass is green with life, but you are green with envy, failing to suppress the bitter sensation of jealously flitting around in the pit of your stomach. 

Damian’s eyes are green too, a heated and tangled rainforest flecked with gold and turquoise, as he watches you from the corner of his eye. 

“You’re unimpressed.” 

“What? No way! I think it’s totally cool that you and Jon are training more together. Super son connections and stuff. It’s neat. Really, Dami.” 

He narrows his eyes, studying the profile of your face with intense predatory conjecture, but you keep your gaze glued straight ahead, barely scuffing your sneakers on the asphalt sidewalk. 

You know that if he meets your eyes, he’ll see the storm of insecurity brewing in your soul, and you don’t think you can bear to be so vulnerable right now. 

He bites his bottom lip for a moment in speculation. If he wants to pry, he resists the urge. 

“Yes, I suppose. Sometimes I’d like nothing more than to stuff a sock in his mouth and punt him across a field, but he’s a relatively suitable training partner. There are certain things he seems to inherently understand, despite occasional moronic comments.” 

You wonder to yourself if those are things you’d never be able to understand, even if you tried.

“He seems like a good guy.” You surmise in a flat tone that hopefully isn’t too telling of your agitation. 

He nods slowly, like he’s unsure of whether or not to completely agree.

“Are we going to get dinner tonight?” 

Damian sighs. “No, Tim is revamping the security system at the house and wants to show me.”

“Bagels on Saturday?” 

He winces a little and shoots you what might be an embarrassed smile. “Can we accomplish that in less than half an hour? 

“Yes? Probably not enjoyably, though.” You answer hesitantly, something like discomfort and hesitation swirling in your stomach because you feel a little bit like you’re stepping on his toes. 

“I am scheduled to spend the day training with Jon and Jaime at an obscure base off the coast.”

“Oh.” You blink at the ground. 

Damian shrugs disinterestedly. “I think I prefer going through drills with the older heroes, though. They provide more of a challenge. Jon can get predictable and boring.” 

“Boring?” 

“Indeed. Repetition is so arduous. I am entirely disengaged when we spar for too long because I can precisely anticipate his moves. Then I leave him and challenge someone who keeps me a little busier.”

You inhale sharply at this, gripping the straps of your backpack until your knuckles turn white. 

Damian can’t help but frown at this. “What’s wrong?” 

Just worried you’re going to tire of our friendship and leave me forever, that’s all. 

“Nothing. I’m fine.” 

“You’re wrinkling your nose in that little way that says you’re thinking too hard about something and I’m alarmed.”

You relax your face immediately, blinking and flushing pink. “No. I’m fine, really.”

“I don’t believe you, Y/N.”

You shoot him a glare.

“You don’t look fine.” 

You bristle. “Then stop looking, Damian.” 

He mutters something heatedly under his breath that sounds an awful lot like, “Impossible,” but you let it roll off your shoulders. 

“Tell me more about training. Are you the shortest of all the Titans?” 

He grimaces. “For now. I’m practically Wally’s height now. But don’t change the subject, Y/N. I know something weighs heavily on your mind.” You can feel his gaze allay minutely, tender concern softening his sharp, boyish features. “You can always talk to me, you know.” 

You shake your head dismissively, heat lingering in your cheeks. “It’s nothing. Speaking of weight, who do you think is the heaviest? You think Cyborg’s metal parts are that heavy?” 

Damian glowers, halting in front of the path that leads up to your house. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” 

You nod pliantly, slowly meandering away from him. “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it.” You say with a lump in your throat, while the worry in his soul pours through those coniferous eyes, brows knit together and nose slightly wrinkled. 

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. Have a good break, Damian! Bye!” You chirp and duck inside your house, locking it firmly and sliding down the cool expanse of wood until you were seated on the ground, heart aching. 

You know that if Damian really wanted, he could easily unlock your door or slip in through a window. 

But he doesn’t. Instead, he watches you flee potentially vulnerable conversation with a funny little sting of disappointment across his heart. When he doesn’t break into your house and wrap you in a bear hug, you feel that same sting. 

It has been three whole days since you’d heard Damian’s voice and you feel a black hole rapidly expanding in your heart, swallowing your sense of reason and applying pressure to your deepest vulnerabilities. 

You’ve texted each other sporadically – apparently Bruce is teaching him a new tech program and the Batcave isn’t good for his cellphone reception – and he’s sent you only two funny kitten videos. 

You hate the sticky, whiny sentiment of clingy behavior; you’ve always tried to avoid being too dependent on and too invested in anyone. You can’t help the deeply affectionate attachment you feel for Damian. His friendship matters to you more than any friendship has before; a deep, soulful amity of both comfortable confidence and new boundaries.

Granted, things are a little different in the moment; you can’t confide in him because he’s the object of your insecurity and that would be too far outside your comfort zone, throwing yourself into the open ocean without swim lessons or flotation devices. 

As you lay on a fuzzy rug in the middle of your bedroom, you have a hard time swallowing the truth: you are too afraid to tell Damian that it makes you jealous and insecure when he hangs out with other prodigal vigilante youth because, like in your darkest nightmares, he could realize that you’ll never be quite like him and leave you floundering in the lonely, murky solitude from which he had saved you. 

Before Damian, you’d been a wallflower, but you never felt that you bloomed in a slow and beautiful way like the roses and ivy across the bricks of Wayne manor. Forming connections wasn’t your strong suit to begin with, a childhood plagued by years of immense shyness and an adolescence filled with what felt like perpetual inferiority. You struggled to find a place amongst your peers, chosen last for sports teams in gym class and simply forgotten in group projects, and you struggled to find yourself. 

Since Damian arrived in a whirlwind of wisdom and fire, he has helped you excavate and dig to discover who you truly are. 

You’re getting a little carried away thinking about the pretty curl of his mouth when your phone rings. 

“Speak of the devil,” you mutter before rolling onto your stomach and swiping to answer.

“Y/N?” 

“Hi, Dami.” His name is sweet on your tongue, anxieties aside. 

“Hello, Y/N. How have your days off from school been so far?” 

You lay your chin on the ground and flop your head onto its right side, sighing deeply. “Nothing overly spectacular.” You glance over at your unopened backpack. “I’ve done some homework, but that’s about it. You?” 

I’ve also thought of you excessively, you say to yourself. 

“Simply more training. I called because I was wondering if you would like to come over and eat dinner. A few of the other trainees might be around.”

You sit up quickly, as if you must compose yourself even over the phone to have any chance at impressing these people.

The fear of inferiority crawls up your spine, poisonous. “I can’t.” 

“Oh?” 

“Y-yup.”

Over the phone, you can practically hear the way his eyes narrow into suspicious slits. “Why not?”

“Plans. I have plans.” You twist your fingers nervously in the rug. 

“Hm. Like what? With whom?” 

Before he can chase you with questions and expose that absolute lie, you blurt, “Sorry, Dami, I gotta go. Talk to you later! Have fun tonight!”

You end the call and fling your phone across the room, falling back onto the ground with a pained groan. 

Damian wasn’t raised to express fear. Instead, he was taught to embrace it and mold it into a source of control and strength. However, currently, he’s slumped across the couch on his stomach with only one boot and an arm thrown over his head and he looks anything but powerful: he looks like a distraught teenage boy. 

Tim quirks an eyebrow and nudges Damian’s ankle. “You missing something, kid?”

Damian harrumphs and waves a hand dismissively. 

Jason locks eyes with Tim from the other side of the couch and shrugs. 

“A shoe, your dignity, a sense of reason…?” 

Damian raises his head from the cushion to glower at Tim, hair mussed and cheeks pink. “Yes, maybe, and no.”

“Well, I can’t help much with the personal crisis, but you’ve gotta start somewhere so here’s your other boot.” Tim drops it gently onto Damian’s back. “I’m here for moral support. We head out for recon in twenty.” 

Face still shoved in the couch, Damian manages to wiggle around and tug on his shoe. When he goes limp again, Jason decides the only thing he can do is plop down on top of his adoptive younger brother. 

Save for several expletives and minor squirming, Damian doesn’t put up much of a fight. 

“What’s wrong, Dami? You’re acting an awful lot like…an insufferable teenage boy. Hormonal changes are tough, I know.” 

“I am fine, Jason.”

Jason settles in and gets more comfortable atop the lanky boy. “I don’t buy it,” 

“You don’t have to.”

“Should we give Y/N a call?”

Damian stiffens gracelessly and Jason barks out a laugh, titling back his head and practically cackling in amusement. “So that’s the problem, huh?”

“Define problem.” Damian says cautiously.

“You and Y/N are experiencing a rough patch and you’ve no idea how to smooth things over again? She hasn’t talked to you properly in days and you’re scared of losing her?” Jason muses, pleasantly surprised that Damian hasn’t flung him across the study yet. 

Damian moves his head so his cheek rests against the leather of the couch. “Perhaps.”

“How are you going to make things better?” 

Damian frowns. “Isn’t that what you, the seemingly experienced and doting older brother figure, should elucidate?” 

Jason grins, warm and playful, patting Damian’s shoulder and standing up. “Communication is key. You don’t know what she’s feeling, she doesn’t know what you’re feeling. In all the guesswork, someone is bound to get confused and hurt. More time spent in silence is more time spent in uncertainty. You feel me?” 

“Yes. I also felt your revolver digging into my spine.” 

You’re floating dreamily between that ethereal, cozy place between asleep and awake when you hear a crash from your bedroom. 

Your heart stops and you freeze on the couch where you dozed off to a decade-old princess movie. 

The knives are preoccupied in the dishwasher, so you grab the next best weapon – a large wooden spoon – and shut off the movie, listening intently for the intruder. 

You stealthily wind your way off the couch, across the living room, and through the kitchen. When you start to turn the corner to beeline down the hallway, your nose collides with smooth fabric and a solid surface. 

You yelp and jump back, raising the spoon with your eyes shut tightly, fearfully to whack the intruder blindly and hopefully beat them senseless.

Slender fingers deftly wrap around your wrist and finesse the potential murder weapon from your grasp. When you part your mouth to shriek, the spoon is shoved in your mouth. 

Your eyes snap open to see stormy green orbs and amused skepticism. 

“That spoon is very threatening, Y/N.” Damian’s voice is low, mouth twitching as he feigns temperance. 

You let it clatter to the floor. “Excuse me for feeling threatened. I was under the impression that an intruder had entered my home.”

“Who else would know how to wrangle with your wretched window besides me?” 

He has a point, but you scowl. “I don’t know, the world is a crazy place.”

Something about this softens his sharp, teasing intrigue. “Tell me about it.” 

“You’re always out fighting evil with superpeople. You tell me.” 

“I don’t think there are enough words to explain it.” Damian frowns a little, peeling off his mask, and reaching out to press a finger to your cupid’s bow. You blink at him in confusion, but then he pulls his fingers away and they’re shiny with blood. 

“Oh. Is that mine?” 

“I’m almost one hundred percent certain it isn’t mine.”

You touch the space below your nostrils. “You gave me a nose bleed, Damian Wayne.” 

You let him pull you into the kitchen “Yes, and since you are my best friend, I do not even mind how utterly unsanitary this is.” He muses after he washes his hands and rummages through your cabinet for tissues. 

He rolls a few tissues up and places his hand on your chin to tilt your head back. His fingers are rose petals against your skin. 

You unceremoniously jam the tissues up your nose. “My blood is on your hands, Damian.” You mutter darkly, humorously. 

He meets your eyes, sparkling with a somber sort of reverence and you feel your heart jump into your throat. “And my heart is in yours, Y/N.” He tells you softly and for a moment, you feel like you’re stuck in candied sugar, sweet and fragile. 

“Did someone kick you in the head too hard?” 

“Not quite. Rather, Jason metaphorically knocked some sense into me, as much as I lament admitting this.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Please elaborate.” 

Damian sighs and drops his hands, leaning back to rest against the opposite counter. He’s nothing short of captivating, all long and slender in the moonlight streaming through the window, tousled dark hair and inexplicably emerald eyes, shadows playing across the handsome angles of his face. 

“I thought you forgot about me.” He murmurs, peering at you almost shyly through thick lashes. 

“Never,” You breathe. “That would be impossible. I’m so scared of being clingy, sometimes I wish I could forget you. Other times, I’m simply scared of you.”

This visibly startles him. “I scare you? Of all things in this city? Why me?” 

“Because you saw me when I was invisible. At first, it terrified me. Being seen is being vulnerable. But now? I don’t think I could function properly outside of your line of vision. You see me and I don’t want to go back to being unseen.”

Damian frowns. “I have no plans to terminate this friendship and leave you, Y/N.”

You shoot him a pained look, wincing when you wrinkle your nose in trepidation. “But plans change, Dami. One day, you might wake up and realize you much prefer the company of superhero proteges. Plus, you get bored of training with Jon – who knows if you could simply get bored of being friends with me?” 

He leans into your space and instinctively you lean back, the edge of the counter digging into your waist because he smells of gracefully aged leather and something sharp and sweet, like mint. He reaches a hand up to tenderly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear with a bittersweet smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

“Y/N, you mean infinitely more to me than some training exercise or computer program. And you’re fixated on indefinite, hypothetical ‘what if’ questions. I live in a world of probability, not possibility – unless it comes to you. Being without you and your kind smile and appreciation for the little things in life? That is impossible for me. In many ways, without you, I would be blind.”

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you have to shove the tissues further up your nose because you keep sniffling and he’s allowing you a precious glimpse into his tangled soul.

Damian reaches out to squeeze your unoccupied hand, cheeks flushed, rosy pink beneath brilliant bronze. “I know you felt invisible for a long time, but I assure you that you’re anything but. You are seen.”

#as i finished writing this i took a sip of coffee except not really because then i realized my mug was empty #and i got sad #one day writing for damian will not make me slightly nervous. today is not that day but its ok #n e ways we love visibility here #damian wayne #robin #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne imagine #robin x reader #imagine #dc #jason todd #tim drake #red hood #red robin #dc imagine #prompts #fluff #angst #young justice #teen titans imagine #invisible

[caitsbooks]

Caitsbooks Reviews: Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas

Overall: 5/5 Stars Characters: 5/5 Setting: 5/5 Writing: 4.5/5 Plot and Themes: 4/5 Awesomeness Factor: 5/5 Review in a Nutshell: Kingdom of Ash is a fantastic conclusion to a series that has taken over the YA community. 

“Hers was not a story of darkness. This would not be the story. She would fold it into herself, this place, this fear, but it would not be the whole story. It would not be her story.”

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// Content Warning: War Themes, Mature Content, Graphic Torture (seriously, it's very intense), Sexual Assault (Mention), Death, Murder, Violence, Self-harm, Suicide (Mention), PTSD, Depression, Animal Abuse, Animal Death, Abuse

“Once upon a time, in a land long since burned to ash, there lived a young princess who loved her kingdom …”

- Premise -

Kingdom of Ash is the final Throne of Glass novel. This book takes place after the events of Empire of Storms and Tower of Dawn and follows an insane amount of characters as the war begins.

“Let’s make this a fight worthy of a song.” 

- Setting -

I absolutely love the world that Sarah J. Maas has built with this series. This book adds even more onto the lore and even discusses the other worlds, which made me so extremely happy. There were also plenty of things set up in this world even from the first novel that finally come into play in this book, which I found impressive. Sarah J. Maas either is a genius or found clever ways to fix plot holes (or both?)

“Remember that we have something to fight for, and it will always triumph.” 

- Writing - 

I think it's pretty well known that Maas' writing in the later books has gotten a bit repetitive and much more mature, but I felt that while writing this book she took these complaints to heart. I won't lie and say it's absolutely amazing and no line made me cringe, but it was an improvement from Empire of Storms (I'm not comparing it to Tower of Dawn because that book was absolutely amazing). The sexier scenes were less detailed and more fade-to-black, which is a lot more appropriate for the YA audience and makes more sense considering the plot. However, if that's why you loved this series- sorry! The romance aspects are still adorable though!

“Do you know the story of the queen who walked through worlds?”

- Plot-

This book had a lot to do, and a lot to live up to. I left it feeling satisfied with the ending, but there were definitely a few plot points and deus ex machinas that pulled me out of the book. Mostly towards the end, there was one specific thing that was so out of nowhere that I got annoyed, and the ending itself was a little too neatly wrapped up for how things were solved. I'll get into that more in a spoilery section. As for the pacing, this book was relatively fast-paced and engrossing despite being 1000 pages. There were constant battle scenes and action that moved the book along, mixed with some amazing character-defining moments and even a couple of lines that made me laugh despite the war and death. After a while, specifically the Lysandra and Aedion chapters did get a little slow and predictable, but the other perspectives made up for it. Also, I want to mention that the first quarter of this book has a lot of graphic torture scenes that can be hard to get through. It's absolutely brutal and I found myself having to step back from the book a few times. 

“Who do you wish to be?” 

- Characters - 

The cast of characters in this novel is immense, and I can't talk about every single one, but I wanted to mention a few of the standouts and a few people/relationships I needed to talk about: Aelin - She really had a great arc in this book. We've seen her grow and develop so much over this series, but this book definitely has the most growth for her. I was getting a little apathetic towards her in Empire of Storms, but in this last novel I really began to feel for her again and care about her. Fenrys - If you asked me, before this book, what I thought about Fenrys, I would probably ask you who you were talking about. That said, after reading Kingdom of Ash, I would die for him. Sarah J. Maas developed him into an amazing character who stole the show for me. Dorian - Dorian was one of my favorite characters in this entire series. I need to start with that, because Dorian in this book was just kinda meh. I think part of it had to do with his relationship with Manon. It just felt forced and unnecessary (and this is coming from someone who loved Manon and shipped them back in Queen of Shadows). Aedion & Lysandra - This is another relationship that lost its adorableness for me. I loved them in the previous books, but Aedion said and did some things that really ruined my love of them as a couple. I still like them together, but I wasn't excited to see their relationship develop like I was in the previous books. Chaol - What a journey. I've gone from hating him, to loving him, and this book just cemented how much I love him now. I loved his interactions with Yrene, and how he defies the trope of overprotective husband and lets her make her own decisions and risk her life if it means saving the world. I just love a healthy relationship.

“Her name was Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius. And she would not be afraid.”

- Conclusion -

Pros- Lots of action, satisfying conclusion, epic setting as usual Cons- Meh writing, a few unbelievable deus ex machina, lack of diversity, ALSO- check out Aentee(Read At Midnight)'s review which brings up a lot of amazing points Overall- 5/5 stars. Kingdom of Ash isn't perfect, but it is a conclusion that fans of the series will adore, and casual readers will still enjoy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spoilery Section - Only read on if you've finished Kingdom of Ash

Okay I have a lot of thoughts and I want to try to go through them in a way that makes sense, but let's be real, that's not gonna happen. Most of the spoilery things are things I'm disappointed with so if you want positivity... sorry? 1. The Thirteen I loved The Thirteen so much, which is why I hate what happened to them. I understand Maas couldn't let everyone live (more on that later) but why them? The only people who died where them and Gavriel, a.k.a the only people every cared for without heterosexual love interests (and since she tortured Fenrys enough I guess she didn't want to kill him as well). I cried so hard at their deaths, and then when I stopped crying I was just upset. They deserved a better ending than that. 2. Literally no one who lived could be single or straight. Once again, Fenrys is the exception, but let's face it. She's probably going to write a spin-off featuring him and probably ending with him marrying some unnaturally beautiful girl (don't lie, you know the end of this book sets it up perfectly). 3. (Not a complaint) THAT CROSSOVER!!! Did everyone notice Rhys' little cameo when Aelin was falling through worlds???? I loved it so much!!!! 4. (Back to negatives) Gravriel & Aedion's "reunion" Okay, am I the only one loved Gavriel? I adored his character, and I thought this book did a great job developing him, and I was so upset that all that work was done only for him to reunite with his son for one page being killed off. I just felt like it was used as a cheap way to get emotion out of the reader while also killing someone so no one can complain like after A Court of Wings and Ruin 5. Deus Ex Machina That Wolf Fae thing at the end. That was just out of nowhere and really unnecessary. It felt wayyy to convenient and just pulled me out of the book. Also, the entire army dying after Erawan died. That felt like another cheap way to wrap up loose ends. I understand why she did it, and it makes some sense, but it did leave me feeling a little bit disappointed. It was anticlimatic. 6. Character Deaths in General So a lot of people were upset with the ending of ACOWAR, and while SJM clearly did try to kill some people off, it just wasn't done well. She conveniently killed off those who were paired up so this book could have the happiest ending possible, which just made it seem so unrealistic in a series that has always felt down to earth for a high fantasy, assassin-fae YA series. 7. (another good thing!) The Nameless King I just wanted to mention the King of Ardalan. I always wondered why she never gave him a name (I thought she just didn't like naming Kings because she didn't name Hybern), and I love how she actually had a reason! I really loved how she handled his and Dorian's relationship and how Dorian was coping, since we didn't see much coping in Empire of Storms. Also, I loved the reveal of his name. I was afraid if she did reveal his name it would be disappointing, but it really wasn't. 8. Speaking of names- LORD LORCAN LOCHAN Just say it out loud a few times. It's too fun. (Also I love Lorcan and he's precious).

#koa #kingdom of ash #tog #throne of glass #sjm #sarah j. maas #kingdom of ash review #aelin ashryver galathynius #rowaelin #lord lorcan lochan #the thirteen #fenrys moonbeam #books #book #booklr #bookblr #bookish #bookstagram #review #book review #book aesthetic #aesthetic #caitsbooks pics

[thehiddenlawyer]

Mother’s Milk

Before you read-- please keep in mind that I’m REALLY not mentally...stable enough to write coherently so y’know. Enjoy <3

Apparently, the only way to untangle what my brain’s going through is to realize that my experience of Mother’s Milk isn’t just from the perspective of Patrick a survivor of sexual abuse, but also the addict, the potential alcoholic, a potential mother, a lover of difficult men and situations (these last two are Mary), and the helpless outsider looking in (Robert), and someone who is completely horrified of messing up so badly that their preventive measures completely backfire and bring full-circle (Patrick again).

During my first reading of Mother’s Milk I found I didn’t connect to it as much as I had with the other books in the story and I’m not sure why. I think my brain focused so completely on Some Hope and the aspects of Patrick as the survivor trying to find his way into the world that Mother’s Milk was too abstract for me to understand.

I kept thinking, even after I reread the novels, that the reason I wasn’t able to connect to the fourth novel was because I’m not a mother, and I have a pretty healthy relationship with my parents. I think the world of my parents, they’ve given me more than I could ever hope for, they’ve sacrificed and have continued to sacrifice, for my sisters and I on a profound level. Like all parents, they’re human and they made mistakes, they’ve given me my fair share of baggage again, like all parents, no matter how careful they are.

So I have continued to read the book as a fan of literature and found myself enthralled with Edward St. Aubyn’s representation of motherhood and childhood, and the understanding of the child of his mother and father, and eventually his sibling. It’s such breathtaking, pure prose, an imaginative take on Patrick’s children. If you’ve read the novels you know that the perspective shifts a lot, that we see the point of view of different characters, not just Patrick. So when the baby narrator talked about his father who couldn’t stop talking in the hospital room, I remember my heart in my throat wondering if the baby’s father was Patrick!

Imagine my surprise last night when I watched Mother’s Milk and found that I connected so much more to this bit of the story than I’d imagined earlier. I still don’t think I fully understand what happened, and I don’t understand my reactions to a few bits of it—I just know that I reacted, and maybe as I verbally vomit all over this post I can figure out a few things through my exhaustive question for narrative exhaustion.

This was also the biggest deviation between the book and the show by the way, the book is so complex because it’s mostly cerebral, a lot of it is Robert’s understanding of his father and his father’s situation and the relationship his father has with Eleanor. The book shows Robert’s sympathy more, Patrick doesn’t fail as viciously as he does in the show. But the show does capture Patrick’s desperation to be a better father and to protect is children from the poison of his past and his own life, but he tries so hard that it backfires and he comes back full circle. There’s this gorgeous scene in the book when they’re in a shitty hotel room in New York (after having gotten kicked out of a few others because Patrick is David’s son and he has to get them thrown out of a few places first) where Thomas and Mary are sleeping in one room but Robert can’t sleep so he goes to the living room where Patrick’s supposed to be sleeping on the sofa bed but he’s in  this manic state, caught between insomnia and drunkness and he simply absorbs his father’s verbal vomit. Robert tells Patrick to stop because he’s frightened and Patrick does, and he apologizes and winds up reading to his son instead.

While the books are filled with loving, touching moments like that, I think the episode really lacked that bit of humanity that Patrick has.

I’m starting to realize that I’m disappointed with this episode.

It conveys what it needs to convey, it highlights everything it should highlight, especially Robert’s understanding of Patrick but it does it contained in an hour long tv episode. I think they could make a full length feature film with Mother’s Milk with all the correct details and I’d watch it a million times.

The Addict

Through therapy and research and counselling, I’ve discovered that children who suffered trauma or specifically sexual abuse at a very young age tend to have addictive personalities. It’s a coping mechanism, it’s something comfortable and familiar, something easy to turn to when everything else is up in the air. If you take the alcohol and drugs out of the connotation of addiction, you’ll see that it’s simply repetitive, comforting behavior, something to blur the edges of reality not through chemical haze or a high but the simple psychology of doing something to distract you from your own thoughts.

I have a very addictive personality and it shows itself in a lot of ways. I call it stubbornness, my family and friends prefer to think of it as a healthy sense of curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. But once I get a…noun in my head, I have to pursue it and I have no control over it. And I say noun because it can be a person (BC, Nick Cave, AB, even people that I latch on to like @sobeautifullyobsessed) place (Fort Point in San Francisco, Baker Beach, Half Moon Bay, London, Molly’s flat) or a thing (alcohol, cigarettes, writing….writing is the biggest one) or an idea (Sherlolly, any idea I’ve ever had to write any story or a character that inspires my thoughts like Patrick or Christopher Tiejens).

It’s HARD.

I’ve tried my best to let go of these distractors because I can SEE I’m out of control when I’m in one of my “manic states”. When I’ve latched onto this noun so hard that’s permeating everything I do, everything I think, everything I say. These nouns distract me from work, from school. You’ve SEEN my posts where I should be studying but I can’t stop watching something or reading something or writing something. Through therapy and meditation, I noticed that I latch on like that when the past bubbles too close to the surface, where the violence and shame that whispers across my skin is a little too close to the surface and I need something else to occupy my brain for those moments.

That’s addiction explained in general, now I want to talk to you about alcoholism before I connect it back to Patrick.

I struggle with alcohol. A combination of my addictive personality and the chemical affects of alcohol have been a lure since I was a teenager, and I’ve been very painfully aware that it’s a rabbit hole waiting to swallow me up. I made a conscious decision when I was 16 that I wouldn’t touch alcohol until I turned 21, and once I turned 21, I tried to never buy alcohol for myself but in my family and my culture it’s always present so I’ve always been around it. When I moved it, I’ve been living with foot on solid ground and one in the rabbit’s hole. With my health crises, I swore it off completely and succeeded for a while to stay sober but I’ve been predictably failing miserably these past few weekends.

I’ve tried to never drink alone but I’ve done it several times and secret, which is a warning bell. The problem is always that it’s a secret, and I drink to pass out.

I drank A LOT last night during the wedding, I felt myself slipping away and had exercise some control and stop. I am aware that I was giggly and talkative like I always am when I’m sloshed—I don’t know if it’s a gift or a curse. No one ever knows I’m drunk, and I’m never a sad or angry when I’m around people. When I’m, alone that’s a different story.

And drinking helps you disconnect from you skin, lets you float away from things you don’t want to confront, things that you’d rather go unthought.

For someone who has lived through trauma (and let me enumerate for you what I have been through: sexual abuse by multiple parties as a child, becoming a refugee when I was 8 and being forced out of my home to come to a country where I knew nothing and no one and my parents knew nothing and no one, I’ve lived through life-threatening illness and recently, having survived law school, my body tried to kill me again and I’m still dealing with that bit of reality) you can see why drinking and disassociation and addiction is such a lovely thought for us.

I would much rather look at my life objectively. I sometimes like to imagine what it’s like hearing my story as someone who doesn’t know me, who hasn’t been around me. How can one single person experience being raped as a child, becoming a refugee, cancer, suicidal thoughts and addiction, and still function?

Well…you can, it just comes with a lot of extra little side effects that you probably aren’t aware of.

Like Patrick can be a husband, a father, a survivor of being raped repeatedly by his father with an indifferent mother, he can be a drug addict, an alcoholic, and a barrister.

He can be all those things.

The side effects are when you’re not careful, the smallest notion, the smallest idea or thought can push you over the edge.

I can sit here and have conversations about being raped and function perfectly but one day someone will something small and (I loathe this word) trigger me and I go down to a spiral. I drink, I seek my other addictions, because I need to not be me for a little bit, I’d rather just watch someone else deal with being me.

You can fight it and fight it and fight it. You can lay awake nights dreaming of that escape that you KNOW ruins your life and you someone make it through one more second without it until you just can’t. until one tiny thing pushes you over the edge and it’s a house of course that falls. You drink too much, you smoke too much, you neglect your responsibilities, you push away everything that is good about yourself because you need to wallow in the bad, to convince yourself that you are a shitty person because shitty things happened to you.

I do that all the fucking time, I’m doing it right now. I should be studying for the Bar, I shouldn’t be drinking, I shouldn’t be smoking, I shouldn’t be writing, I shouldn’t be reading anything that’s not related to the Bar. But I’m not, because it’s comforting self-destructive behavior, it’s something I know how to do, it’s easier than all the rest of it.

For Patrick, it’s the same. I’m not asking you to excuse any of his behavior, because I can’t forgive him for giving up on himself because I feel like he’s propelled me to giving up on myself too (I really have these past few days just thinking about Mother’s Milk and At Last) but this is urging you to understand why he fails so miserably, why he flushes years of sobriety down the toilet, why he can’t stop making his parents mistakes and adopting them as your own.

The harder you run, the easier it is to fall and that’s what happens to him.

Potential Mother

My ideas about motherhood are laden with trauma and feminism, they’re this psychotic, bipolar, schizophrenic blend of narcissism, selfishness, abject fear of failure as a mother, fear of lack of control over what happens to my child, hating the idea of becoming nothing but a stay-at-home mom after working so hard to become more…so reading and watching Mother’s Milk the potential mother in me is watching it in terror.

Because all I can imagine is finding the man I love, the man I adore, the love of my heart and soul, predictably attracted to his darkness and intensity, trusting him enough to let him father my child only to come to the realization that he’s not as strong as I need him to be, that I’m going to have to step up to bat and be everything to our child because he’s failing.

The thought of leaving that potential love in favor of my child’s wellbeing sickens me to my stomach. I can’t bare the thought and that potential mother shrivels at this unlikely hypothetical.

God I don’t even want to think about what that’s like.

I can’t bare to think what Mary goes through! (And yet I do, as @sobeautifullyobsessed has been reading via my extremely random ass prose)

So we circle back to Julia and what happens with Patrick and I again preface this with a few things- these are my thoughts based on my own background and prejudices, my own life experiences and my understanding of the characters in the novels and the show. This is my opinion based on addiction and personalities and trauma, my understanding love.

Julia is a very, very, very messed up individual. She every bit as pompous and unbearable git as Patrick is. The difference is that Julia enjoys the cruelty of their world while Patrick takes comfort in the routine of it- it’s a world he knows, disappointment and anger are emotions that he understands better than happiness or forgiveness. It’s easier to default to negative emotions rather than positive or productive ones (as I’ve been learning these past few days).

Julia should not have encouraged Patrick. And Patrick should have walked away.

But they didn’t because they’re both damaged individuals.

There’s no excuse.

There’s no excuse in claiming that Mary was being cold to Patrick, there’s no excuse in saying that Patrick was feeling lonely and bored and needing sex and Julia was available.

If he really wanted to, he could have found Mary, could have told her, could have confided in her.

GOD the way he clings to her in the beginning after he tells her he’s been disinherited, the smile on his face when he’s in bed and she tells him they’re going to pick up Kettle, the way they lay on the couch together and talk about needing a holiday from their holiday….he actively, consciously, with malice aforethought pushes her away. He’s confused between wanting her so much he can’t stand it and wanting to push her away just in case he makes the same mistakes his father did, same mistakes his mother made. And while attempting to run away from all that, he makes his own, fresh mistakes with Mary. He knows it too, he says exactly that while he’s on the poolside with Julia.

He could have turned to Mary but she’s new, the joy she could bring him, the promise of peace and forgiveness with her standing beside him is too much light for someone who knows darkness like an old friend.

He should have turned to Mary.

As for Julia—let’s go back to their relationship shall we. In the books, when they first meet, she’s underage and talks him into having sex with her. In the show, the only positive thing she does is show up at the end of Never Mind and put her hand over his forehead. In Some Hope she tries to break his heart and his best friends heart by forcing him to fuck her when he’s in no condition to make a rational decision Here, she does the same thing. She should’ve pushed him away.

A good person in her shoes would have pushed him away.

I cannot and will not deny that Benedict Cumberbatch the actor and Jessica Raine the actress have wonderful chemistry together and they’re so sexy together, they’re interactions are stunning, crackling with energy.

But but BUT the toxic relationship between Patrick and Julia should NOT be sexualized or idealized. Cheating on your devoted and loving spouse is NOT sexy. Taking advantage of someone with clear emotional issues, struggling with sobriety, hanging on to it by a thread, is NOT sexy. It can never be sexy, and it should never be sexy.

Christ my heart hurt for Mary. I’ve been seeing discussions on here and on twitter about when Mary knows that her husband is being unfaithful—she knows the second it happens. Watch her the morning after, when he stands next to her and says “now we can have fun!” The poor thing knows and she tries to excuse it away because she loves him, and she understands the pain he’s in, the confusion he’s experiencing.

In this love triangle, only Mary Melrose comes out in tact. Julia and Patrick…they mess up big time, and Patrick knows it.

And instead of stopping, instead of trying to find someway back to being a husband and father, he pushes Mary further and further away because it’s so much easier than confronting their life together.

God he wants to be with her so much but he doesn’t know how.

There’s a feeling of decapitation, like missing a limb, losing the words that you want to say but they’re not there, they’ve flown the coop.

I want to confess, I want to live in your heart, I want the warmth of your soul, the warmth of your smile but darling it’s easier to push you away now because what if I disappoint you again, what if I break your heart again? I need to cut you my love, before you cut me.

I’ve had that conversation so many fucking times man….

Love me but I need you to hate me to function.

Love me, be my escape, but I need to make you hate me because I don’t want to see disappointment in your eyes.

 -----------------------------

Guys, I’m completely certain I’m not making any sense because I’m really in a bit of a free fall right now and there’s no landing in sight.

I might add more to this, make it more coherent but this is all I got. And I’m not making sense.

#mother's milk #patrick melrose #benedict cumberbatch #edward st. aubyn #my thoughts #my opinions only nothing else

[mistwraiths]

3.5 stars

By day, Tessa works at an apothecary, by night she's an outlaw, stealing Moonflower petals and distributing them into elixirs that help people. Her and the boy she works with, Wes, do this every night. But after Wes gets caught, Tessa has the mind to make a real chance. Once inside the palace though she realizes things aren't what she thought.

I have to say that I was initially quite apprehensive about reading this book. I loved Brigid's A Curse So Dark and Lonely book, only to be disappointed in the second and really dislike the third. So I was pretty wary just because if I really loved this book was I in for trouble about the next one?

I don't love it but I did enjoy it for the most part. I'm not dying to know what happens in the next book though. And I think the biggest reason for that is that book really doesn't do anything unexpected or bring something unique enough to the table. It just feels rather generic and full of tropes that are nice but familiar. It doesn't make this book bad but I've read books that have handled clichés better than this.

This book is also pretty predictable. I saw a plot twist coming a mile away. I wasn’t at all that surprised when other stuff was revealed and it was a bit disappointing. There were two choices and one would have been slightly more surprising, but both were a bit on the nose.

I felt personally that her writing felt different than her Cursebreakers series. Even though it felt like I was reading a train wreck in that series I couldn't stop reading because the writing captured me. Her writing is good here but I wasn't as captured by it. This book felt slower and long, especially since it took awhile for the plot to get to the point to get interesting. It also felt a tad bit repetitive? You don't have to remind of things so often, it felt like the book almost didn't trust you to remember.

I enjoyed the characters however. Tessa is your sensitive, compassion but strong character. I enjoyed her chapters and grappling with the shocks she experiences, and her ability to understand that her side isn't the only one that's right or good or the only way. Wes is mysterious and charming. Corrick is perfectly tortured, I love that he's tortured but hides it will and does his job admirably and smartly. I actually really enjoyed the relationship between the brothers. It was done well. I do wish Quint was more around. But something I do wish less authors do is: STOP having your female character only have any kind of relationship with the one they're romancing. Where are the female characters??? There's one mention of a female friend but it's like a few paragraphs and nothing else.

I did enjoy the court politics in this book! I really liked the struggle of medicine, quantity, pleasing the consuls, etc. It was very well done in my opinion. We really only get to see a few of the consuls though. Also, it's been 5 years since Harristan took the crown, why on earth isn't there a new consul? Because of the fever? That seems a bit of an excuse.

Ah, the fever. I can't really tell you much about it because for a book that focusing on the cure for it, it really doesn't tell you anything about it? There's coughing and a fever? I don't know how it spreads or how long it incubates? Can you catch it again? Why do you have to take daily doses? Can't you just take it if you start feeling sick? It's not really explained all that well shockingly enough. It doesn't even seem to have a name, just called the Fever I think? Also, you're telling me in all of FIVE YEARS, no one thought to ask their neighboring country if they were dealing with the illness or had Moonflowers or anything???

I did enjoy the book but I find almost nothing about this book has been answered or really solved? It felt like a pot ready to boil over for sure but really nothing gets done in this book. It makes me wonder why this had to be split? This just really felt like a set up for the next book.

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