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barbieaiden · 6 months

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1. Kell: Dude. You're no fun to play with, you're too good.

Aiden: Kell, I love you, but I think you just suck at the game.

Kell: Dude! I always won against my siblings!

Aiden: Aww. I always let my brother win too when we were little.

Kell: You're cheating.

Aiden: I would never. I take these things very seriously.

2. Kell: By the way, you know that guy I went on a date with before your coma?

Aiden: Yeah?

Kell: Yeah, we were supposed to go on another date literally the day you got into the coma, so obviously I was like "dude, I can't make it, my friend is having a literal medical emergency", and he was like "okay, I'll just break this off here then, bye".

Aiden: Oh nooo. Did I cockblock you with my coma?

Kell: You literally did!

3. Aiden: I'll make it up to you. I'll wingman you so hard. I'll introduce you to literally everyone I know.

Kell: Isn't that, like, the entirety of River Bay?

Aiden: Almost, yeah. So you're bound to find someone.

Kell: Dude, you did not win again.

Aiden: You practically let me.

Kell: Dude!

Peyton: Is now a bad time to say hi?

4. Aiden: Peyton! NO, of course not. I didn't even know you were here, it's been so long!

5. Peyton: Yeah, I seem to recall being ignored for a month?

Aiden: Sorry about that. I was sleeping.

Peyton: For a month?

Aiden: Doctor's orders.

Peyton: Ah, of course. Totally reasonable.

6. Aiden: But don't worry. I'm back in my element.

Peyton: Do I want to know what that means?

Aiden: It means I'm ready to annoy the fuck out of you and text you every millisecond 24/7.

Peyton: Okay, I can get behind that.

7. Peyton: how are you doing?

Aiden: Great.

Peyton: "Great"? Really?

Aiden: So great. How are you? Are you still working at the mall?

Peyton: I quit impulsively a few weeks ago. I should probably get a new job if I want to be able to pay rent, but, eh. Video games are more fun.

Kell: If you're evicted you can move into Sam and Aiden's closet, I hear it's pretty empty nowadays.

Aiden: Totally.

8. Kell: Peyton, you're good at connect 4, right?

Peyton: I'd say so.

Kell: Help me win. Please.

Aiden: Who's cheating now?

Kell: There's no rule that says you can't have someone help you.

Peyton: Don't put it there. One step right.

Kell: Here?

Peyton: Yeah.

9. Aiden: Peyton, I love you so much.

Kell: Dude. Did you just make me lose?

Peyton: [Shrug]

Kell: Fuck you. Both of you.

[New scene]

10.

Sam: You met Aiden right after the car crash.

Jordan: Yes.

Sam: How bad was it? He never told me.

Jordan: Considering the crash, his injuries were very mild.

Sam: But he could've died.

Jordan: He didn't. And I don't think you need to worry about something that happened six years ago.

Sam: No, I just...

Jordan: Just what?

Sam: I don't know.

11. Sam: I hated Aiden when we first met.

Jordan: According to Kell's accounts you were simultaneously in love with him?

Sam: Attracted to. There's a difference.

Jordan: Not to me.

Sam: And how many successful relationships have you had?

Jordan: Well... I've certainly had relationships, I can tell you that much.

12. Sam: Don't you get tired of talking to new people all the time? How do you even find so many people you're interested in? I did it once and now I'm marrying him so I never have to do it again.

Jordan: It's easy if you're drunk and have very, very low standards. It also helps if you're fresh off a 13 hour shift at a hospital.

Sam: That sounds awful.

Jordan: I don't necessarily recommend it.

13. Sam: But you keep doing it.

Jordan: I suppose I have nothing better to do after those 13 hour shifts.

Sam: I'm so glad I dropped out of med school.

Jordan: You should be.

14. Sam: I'm just going to get some water.

Jordan: Okay.

15. Lucas: No, I had to do it because Michael thought it was "rude".

Michael: It was.

Lucas: If I pay for something, I want what I paid for. That's not rude. If I fuck someone's tattoo up I'd fix it.

Michael: You can't compare a meal to something that's permanently on someone's body.

Lucas: You agree with me.

Peyton: Oh, yeah.

Lucas: Exactly!

16. Peyton: Hey, Sam. How are you doing? Sleeping better?

Sam: A little.

Peyton: So... while you're here... Aiden.

Sam: Yes?

17. Peyton: He's acting... suspiciously normal, isn't he?

Lucas: Right? I literally told Michael the same thing ten minutes ago. This is the way Aiden always acts after medical emergencies, he just pretends everything's fine.

18. Sam: It's been a month. Things have gone back to normal, he's not pretending.

Lucas: No, sorry, no offense, Sam, but I don't think you get it. You weren't there all the other times he had to go to the hospital because of drugs--and that shouldn't be plural, by the way--this happens every time.

19. Lucas: He says he's fine and that he's clean now and then he just waits until people stop asking him about it and we're back at square one.

Sam: This was different though.

Lucas: Just because it was worse and because he maybe went through a tiny little bit of withdrawal while unconscious doesn't mean he's magically better.

Michael: Lucas, please.

20. Michael: You yourself said that there's nothing we can do.

Lucas: Well, we can't exactly force him to do anything but there's a difference between overcaring and pushing him away, and being so passive it turns into enabling.

Michael: I agree, but I don't think that has anything to do with Sam.

Lucas: I didn't say it does.

21. Lucas: I just don't want him dead, that's all.

Peyton: I seriously doubt any of us want him dead.

Lucas: Exactly. So we can't just trust that he's better because he says he is.

Sam: That's not what--[Sigh] I don't think it's fair to talk about this behind his back.

22. Lucas: I'd love to discuss this with him directly but he makes it pretty difficult. There's a reason he didn't want to talk to us for a fucking month.

Sam: Maybe it wasn't deliberate. Maybe he was just recovering from a coma.

Lucas: But he was talking to literally everyone else during that time, wasn't he? It's not a coincidence he ignored me, Michael, and Peyton specifically.

23. Sam: I... I don't know his motivation. And either way I don't want to be involved in this.

Peyton: That's fair. I didn't really mean for this to be a whole discussion.

Lucas: Sorry. Look, my point is just... if he's clean, that's fucking great. But I kind of doubt it. Just... keep an eye on him.

Sam: I always am.

#if these images don't load idk what i'll do</3 #ts4 story #lost #lost: aiden #lost: sam #lost: kell #lost: lucas #lost: michael #lost: jordan #lost: peyton

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fruitcoops · 6 months

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Slowburn

Fic O'Ween Day 12: Goosebumps, with part five of the firefighter/ EMT AU! Coops, Leo, and Layla belong to @lumosinlove, fest header belong to @noots-fic-fests!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

TW extremely brief mention of bodily fluids (one sentence at the beginning)

Five hours and forty-four minutes. He had been bled on, puked on, grabbed, yelled at, and nearly toppled. His only spare pair of pants was now bound up in a plastic bag. Miracle of miracles, Sirius’ shirt was the only thing that hadn’t been damaged in the miserable afternoon. It made a great undershirt. It would also need to be washed at least four times before he could even dream of returning it.

Layla stared at a spot above his shoulder in the opposite jumpseat. One side of her eyeliner had been completely smudged away; the other, smeared sideways to her temple in a smoky trail.

“Nice job today.”

“Thanks.”

“That was a lot.” Layla nodded mutely. His heart pulled for her, a little bit. Even if their cases had been run-of-the-mill, nearly six hours of back-to-back calls would wear anyone down. He nudged the tip of her shoe with his own. “You’re learning fast. I saw some good work out there.”

“I’m…” She blinked slowly, then shook her head. “Wow, I think I fell asleep sitting up for a minute.”

“It happens.” In time, she’d learn to sleep wherever she could catch it. “When does your shift end?”

“Seven.”

“Almost done, then.”

“Mmm.”

The ambulance went over a bump, rattling the near-empty shelves and bashing Remus’ tailbone against the back ledge. “Sorry!” Leo called through the small window to the cab.

He had mostly given up hope that he’d see Sirius in the next twelve hours. His shift wasn’t over until midnight, and Sirius’ started at six the next morning. If he made time between his dentist appointment and calling his parents, he might be able to stop by in the afternoon, but it would be a stretch if he wanted to get any laundry done. And, Christ, that was a chore he couldn’t delay for another week. He liked those pants. More importantly, he now knew just how much Sirius liked them.

Something stirred in his belly at the thought. Warm hands cupping his ass and sliding over his flanks with astonishing care. Sirius had felt him up enough that he could probably make a Model Magic version of Remus’ body on touch alone—and wasn’t that a thing to picture. Somewhere between rounds two and three, Remus remembered kissing the backs of Sirius’ thighs. Pale skin and dark hair above the bare, sensitive bend of his knees. They slotted so well in his palms. Sirius had looked like glory itself when he peeked over his shoulder to look.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Remus jumped. “What? Nothing. Sorry, nothing, why?”

“You’re all frowny.”

Thank god for that. “Just…the day.”

A vague and reliable excuse. Layla snorted. “Tell me about it.”

There will never be a day when I tell you about this. Remus hoped his laugh didn’t come out too strained. “Seriously.”

They took the next turn a little wider, sending their final two ointment boxes sliding out of place. He fixed them blindly while the city center rolled past through the back windows. Did Sirius still have scratch marks on his upper thighs?

Another bump knocked the thought from his head. “We’re home,” Leo singsonged from the driver’s seat. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the showers, wondering why I chose this life path.”

“Mood,” Layla mumbled.

“I’m also Grubhubbing a sundae, and you can’t stop me.”

One of the last functioning neurons in Remus’ head lit up. “Get me one.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Get your own.”

“I’m your boss.”

“You make more money than me.”

“Yes, let me flaunt my extra fifty cents an hour,” he countered dryly. “Every night, I rub my quarters together, just to flex on you. That beautiful sound of a handful of nickels.”

“…I’ll see what they have.”

“Good rookie.”

He didn’t wait for the ambulance to stop before opening the doors. The familiar ka-chunk of the lock coming free was music to his ears—a sweet, sweet anthem of freedom, the promise of a lukewarm cup of coffee and a maybe-stale donut from the break room.

And Sirius.

Sirius, sitting on one of his packed and labeled inventory bins.

Remus stared.

“Remus?”

“Go ahead,” he said absently. “I’ll catch up.”

Layla hopped out with a groan. Six hours was a long time to be up and down. Remus was sure his feet would ache the same when he stood. If he stood. Sirius’ hair stuck up at the back, like he’d been running his hands through it.

Remus loved when he did that.

He just. He really did like him, quite a lot.

Keep me.

What had he been thinking? Six hours was a long time to wait. He had told Sirius he’d be right back. It was his day off; why hadn’t he left after it was clear Remus wouldn’t return?

He supposed he could ask the same question about that morning. God, could it really only have been a few hours since he felt Sirius’ bare chest against his own? They had practically been spooning with how tight they were tangled in each other when he woke. Remus hardly remembered falling asleep, only aware of the pleasant ache in his muscles and the humming pleasure in his belly. Pure satisfaction. Pure comfort, at having Sirius hold him like more than a friend.

He watched Leo wander off. Sirius didn’t seem to have noticed. He didn’t so much as flinch when Remus stumbled off the rig and beelined for him, not until Remus stopped in front of him, unsure what to say. I want you I like you I’m sorry please kiss me again, I still get goosebumps thinking about the way your mouth tastes with adrenaline.

Sirius blinked up at him, full lips and glossy lashes. His bone structure was fucking criminal. “You’re back,” he said, so soft and sweet and genuinely happy that Remus’ stomach flopped over itself. Sirius stood, tucking his phone into his pocket without a second glance at it. He was just—big. And tall. And gorgeous. Remus now knew precisely how solid his chest was, and how nice it was to kiss. “Did you have a good day?”

Remus stepped forward and planted his face directly into that chest.

“Oh,” Sirius laughed. It vibrated against his forehead; he closed his eyes. Arms came up around him, hands settling at his nape and the small of his back. He knew he smelled awful. Sirius didn’t seem to care as a tentative kiss nestled on the top of his head and melted Remus’ insides out his throbbing feet.

He sighed. Sirius smelled all warm and spicy. Detergent, cologne, or simply the way he was? Remus couldn’t wait to find out. “This is nice.”

“Yeah.” The delight was back. Sirius pushed the breath from his lungs on a squeeze. “Yeah, it is. I like this.”

“I’m gonna kiss you,” Remus mumbled. “Gonna kiss you so good. Just…two seconds.”

“You can kiss me whenever you want.”

“Two seconds.” It was so dark in his new haven. Sirius’ lungs moved calmly, steadily. His heart rate was a little fast, but nothing to worry about. Remus let his ears go foggy and pressed closer, nuzzling into the space between his collarbones.

Sirius kissed the top of his head again, less hesitant this time, before resting his chin there. “Long day?” he asked after several seconds. Remus hummed. “Sounded like you guys didn’t get much of a break.”

“Mhmm.” He turned his head to the side and rubbed his cheek over Sirius’ sternum. He couldn’t count the number of times they had sat together on the couch or at the table or in the window seat, legs intertwined while they worked through their days. Separate snacks at first, then a single bowl to share once they knew each other’s favorites. It had been nice, to have someone there. Someone to talk to, someone to listen, someone who understood.

But this…this was so much better.

Sirius’ thumb stroked a short path along his spine. It zinged all the way into the base of Remus’ skull. “I sweated through your shirt,” he muttered, pushing his head further beneath Sirius’ chin. “After I stole it from you by accident. Sorry. I’ll wash it.”

He felt Sirius’ smile on his temple. “Keep it. Looks better on you.”

“Think I left mine at your place.”

“Guess you’ll just have to come back and get it,” Sirius whispered playfully. Remus couldn’t help a grin, raising his head despite the pounding drowsiness behind his eye—he had barely opened his mouth to retort when there were lips brushing his own, a wordless request. He granted it easily.

This was different than the rushed promise on the ambulance. Different than last night’s smoky, need-fueled passion. He let Sirius lead, tender and questioning, then pushed into it a little more. Have it, he tried to say. Take it all, it’s been yours for a while. The words may not work, but he was willing to bet Sirius would understand anyway. His lower lip was chapped on one side when Remus ran his tongue along the seam, giddy and dizzy with the kiss-buzz of chasteness.

“Hmm.”

That was good. It was all good, if Sirius would keep making noises like that. He brought his hands up to rest on narrow hips (marked with a tiny scar just above his thigh, which Remus was so fucking glad he knew now) and gave a little more, pushed a little harder. Sirius’ hand cupped his jaw and the right side of Remus’ brain powered down.

“Hm—wait, wait.”

His attempt to lick forward into Sirius’ mouth was stymied by sudden distance between them. Not far—he could still pick out each fleck of quicksilver in Sirius’ unfocused eyes—but far enough to be frustrating for the part of him that was enjoying turning his thoughts off. Remus went up on his toes for more, but Sirius pulled away. “What?” he whispered, though they were alone. “Did you—are you mad at me?”

“No,” Sirius said hurriedly. His hands soothed down Remus’ sides in a long drag that sent tingles through each cell. “God, no, I’m trying to—” His cheeks went a touch pink as he glanced around them and coughed lightly. “Uh, I’m trying to calm down.”

“Oh. Oh.”

Remus hadn’t even thought about that. He was pretty sure he was too tired for his body to consider arousal, aside from the inevitable spike of desire for a soft place to land for two to eight hours. Sirius’ mouth was so nice, his body so warm, that it was all too tempting to get lost in it.

Sirius’ tongue darted out to wet his lower lip. Well. Remus supposed he might be able to feel something other than pure exhaustion, if he tried. “What time do you get off?”

“Whenever you want me to,” Remus answered immediately, then felt himself redden at the arch of Sirius’ brows. “Fuck—sorry. Midnight. My shift’s done at midnight.”

The fingertips on his back had become an extraordinary distraction. Sirius looked almost shy, so at odds with the animated boy he knew against this backdrop that Remus wanted to memorize every inch of it. “Can I…” Sirius began, then trailed off as his blush darkened. His thumbs hooked around Remus’ hipbones and paused there, lingering on bare skin. “Can I maybe take you to dinner? Or a diner?”

“At midnight?”

“I know a couple places.”

Remus frowned. “You have work tomorrow.”

Sirius gave a sheepish half-shrug. “We could nap together. Today, I mean. If you want.”

“I smell horrible.”

“You smell fine.”

“I’m soaked in dry sweat.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I—” That was it for excuses. That was all he had. Every defense against Sirius was dust in the wind. He smiled, and stood on his toes again to kiss one scruffy cheek. “Yeah, sounds good. Let me wash my face and grab some water. I’ll meet you in the bunks.”

Sirius’ eyes crinkled, and Remus fell for him all over again. “I’ll be waiting.”

#remus lupin #sirius black #coops #leo knut #layla #sweater weather #vaincre #coast to coast #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #firefighter/ emt au #fic o’ween 2023 #fluff

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pineapplerightsideupcake · 7 months

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So I didn’t want to dump this essay in the reblogs of someone else’s post but they were talking about how it’s scary that more and more US teachers are reporting kids that don’t know basic knowledge by middle school and have to learn emotional lessons at 10 they should have learned as pre K kids.

The person was at a loss to explain it but I think I can shed light on it:

Half the people I know who have kids just don’t parent. As in they do the bare minimum to keep them alive. So many kids just aren’t being raised at all. Food and clothing is tossed at them periodically by completely uninvolved adults. So they sit in front of a screen all day and don’t learn even the most basic things. A huge part of that is because everyone works all the time. Both my parents worked but my grandparents were homemakers or retired by the time I was born. Now kids go from overworked parents to overworked and over crowded and understaffed child care centers to exhausted grandparents that can’t afford to retire but at least can pick them up from school. My friend who works at a private school for 3-10 year olds says that there are tons of kids there from 6am to 7pm and that she knows about half her kids better than their parents do. At least in her (modestly) fancy private school she is actually educating them. Most kids have those same hours but in low quality programs or over burdened public schools.

My cousin who is a SAHM says that she’s often the only parent in the class that even responds to the teacher sending info home. Parents don’t go to meetings. They ignore phone calls home. They ignore calls to pick their kids up. A huge part of that is they’re working working working.

It’s why you see some 13 year olds twerking on TikTok and the others are self diagnosing DID and Tourette’s. It’s why there are 900 genders and porn sick 12 year old boys.

A friend of my sister’s nearly got her daughter taken away because she developed malnutrition because she was letting her basically live off candy. This woman was a cook/caterer. She worked 6 or 7 days a week. Shifts were often 12 or more hours. She couldn’t slow down because her husband developed a pain killer addiction because he’d already destroyed his back at 28 with non stop manual labor and warehouse shit. She was only able to worry if her kid ate protein or vegetables because my sister let her and her daughter move in with her until the divorce/financial crisis was settled. Most people aren’t that lucky.

A tremendous amount of people in the US live paycheck to paycheck. This was always how it worked for people in “low income areas”. And as long as those people were disproportionately black or non white immigrants nobody cared. How many movies are about a Brave White Teacher coming into low income schools and asking “where’s your mom?” And gets back “she works three jobs and dad left”. How often are the kids presented as being emotionally stunted, behaviorally challenged, and embarrassingly ignorant. “Wow Mr. S, you’re saying the earth revolves around the sun, not the other way around. Pssh, do a rap about it if you’re so right” But now that the wealth gap has widened to the point the average white household is as poor as this country was happy to let POC be, and POC have an even lower standard of living, suddenly it’s worth discussing.

It’s poverty folks. It’s crushing, inescapable poverty. And it’s not just now starting to be a problem. It’s just the first time it was affecting enough of the “right kind of people” to pay attention.

#radical feminism #radical feminist safe #radical feminist community #radical feminists do interact #radical feminists do touch #radblr #radical feminists please interact #feminism #long post

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sneakyparsnipslicer · 8 months

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The Disappearance of Bobby Krauser

[Another transformation story, I've been having a lot of ideas, so there could still be a lot more stories coming in the following days]

Today might have just been the worst day for Bobby, certainly the worst for a good while. The day had started like any working morning did. Alarm went off at 4am, went to his kitchen to make a coffee, sort out his backpack with food and tools he'd need for the 12 hour shift. He'd been in this routine for 2 and a half years, work was at a factory that made food products for some Belgium-based brand. 48 hours a week he worked per block, four days on, four days off. The pay was good too, even though he was still a temp worker after so long. He'd managed to finally move out of his mother's house at the age of 27 thanks to the money he was earning from the constant work. In many ways it had made his life better, but as a side effect it had made him into a bit of a workaholic.

Bobby had gone to work, same as usual, started working in his section of the factory at 6am, his job was to watch the conveyor belts and set the machines right if something went wrong and the alarms sounded, like a carton getting stuck on a diverter or a cardboard box not being taken off the pile correctly. It was easy since he'd learned all there was to know about the job. Only trouble was he'd tried applying for a full time job over the past year, three times.

During his first work break he sat in the canteen, he was approached by one of his co-workers Kyle. 'Morning Bobby, how are things?' Kyle asked. 'Hey Kyle, I'm good thanks, what's up?' Bobby asked, looking up from his phone. 'So I know you've been wanting that machine operator job for a while now' Kyle began. 'Only for about a year now mate' Bobby chuckled. 'Yeah, see I told a friend of mine about the job… and they've taken him on' said Kyle. Bobby's smile fell at the mention of this. He looked at Kyle. 'I'm really sorry Bobby' stammered Kyle. Bobby sighed and shook his head. 'That's fine I guess, I've only been passed over 3 fucking times now' said Bobby passive-aggressively, looking to his phone. 'Look man, my friend really needed a job and I mentioned it to him' said Kyle nervously. 'And that's fine, really. I'd probably have done the same. Well I can't really do anything about it now can I, this has to be fine' grumbled Bobby, not making eye contact with Kyle. Kyle looked down sheepishly. 'Anyway, I've gotta go. See you around' said Kyle hopefully. Bobby waved his hand and watched Kyle as he left. Bobby sat back in his chair and sighed. 'Fucking hell' he breathed, looking at the ceiling. He looked over at the clock and saw he was needed back in the factory in the next 5 minutes. He packed his stuff up, washed his hands and returned to the factory. The rest of the shift went as average as it could be, around 3pm his team leader, Luke entered the factory and asked Bobby to come with him to one of the meeting rooms. In the room was one of the ladies from the agency he worked for. Bobby and his team leader sat down.

'Right, Bobby. Long story short, we're letting you go' started Luke. Bobby's face sank. 'Why?' asked Bobby, sitting up in his chair. 'We've come to realise you're not happy here' said Luke. 'Luke, I've been here 2 and a half years, I've never been late, if I didn't like it here I'd have found work elsewhere long ago' said Bobby firmly. 'We've also had another applicant for the job you applied for and we've got a really good feeling about him' stated Luke matter-of-factly. 'So you're just going to throw 2 year's training down the toilet for some guy off the street?' asked Bobby, trying not to get over-infuriated. 'Bobby, we're grateful for all you've done for us, but we just don't need you anymore. You can leave straight away, we'll give you a week's pay' said Luke. Bobby looked to the agency lady and back to Luke. This was unbelievable. 'Well can I at least finish my shift today, we clock out in 3 hours and I'd hate to leave my team in the lurch' said Bobby. 'No Bobby, you can leave right now' said Luke firmly. Bobby got the hint, they really were kicking him out the door. 'Susan here will help you find other work, I'm sure you'll be fine at your mother's for now' said Luke. 'I moved out of my Mum's 2 years ago Luke, how do you not know this? You're leaving me in a flat with no secure job future' argued Bobby. 'Oh… well, you'll find something better' said Luke. Bobby rolled his eyes. 'Well, guess I'd better go get my things from the locker room then' said Bobby, getting out of his chair and leaving the room. On his way to signing out, he saw Kyle and decided to busy himself with the clocking machine. 'Bobby, I just heard, I'm really sorry' said Kyle. Bobby looked to Kyle, he really wanted to say what he thought of him, but shook his head. 'It's alright, I just hope your friend's as good as everyone's making him out to be' said Bobby. 'But it's just you have your flat and all' said Kyle. 'And the agency will find me other work, don't worry about me Kyle. That's my job now' said Bobby, and he proceeded to leave the factory building. On his way home he checked his phone, a few of the other factory workers had caught wind of what happened and had messaged him on Facebook. It cheered him up, being asked to keep in touch and them passing on their anger about how Bobby had been handled. But he put his phone away, he needed to do something about this predicament.

Arriving home his first thought was to fire up his computer and print off some CVs, then head into town and look for work. So he put the kettle on and got to work on doing that. He popped a handful in his backpack and headed into town. It was funny, his work life had just vanished, 4 hours ago he had a job, and now here he was keeping an eye out for shop windows that said 'Staff Wanted'. Maybe he could've just gone online and saved some trouble but he just needed some fresh air to clear his head. He stopped by a few shops and supermarkets, those that would accept CVs got one, but most places told him to apply online. It really was a sign of the times, back when he'd started his work career it felt a lot more normal to meet someone in person at a shop and hand them a CV. Approaching one alleyway, he came across a small building that used to be a café that he used to frequent before it shut down about a year ago. The windows were darkened and a sign above it read 'Enrique's Escapist Emporium'. Bobby reckoned this place can't have been open all that long, but there was a 'Staff Wanted' sign on the door and the sign said 'Open' so he shrugged his shoulders. Why not.

Walking inside, he heard a small bell ring as he opened the door. The room beyond was dimly lit, and he could faintly hear a radio playing near where the serving counter was. Squinting, Bobby could see someone sitting there and began to make his way over. The person sitting at the counter was caught up in a crossword, funnily they looked as if they belonged to a gym more than a dainty little shop. They put down their reading glasses and crossword and smiled at Bobby. 'Good afternoon, how can I help you?' they asked. 'Uh, hi. My name is Bob, and I'm looking for a job' said Bobby, smiling. The guy smiled and chuckled. 'Well if that's not the most Quentin Tarantino thing I've heard all day' the guy remarked. 'Have you got a CV on you, Bob?'. Bobby paused for a moment and then took off his backpack, rummaging through it and handing one to the man. Who took it and looked. 'Bobby Krauser' said the man, reading the top of the paper. 'Oh yeah, that's me' said Bobby. It was strange, this person seemed well-mannered and decent, but something was making him feel nervous. Maybe it was the lack of light in the room. 'Have a seat please, Bobby' said the man, gesturing to a small wooden chair. Bobby took a seat and waited in anticipation. 'Oh please, make yourself comfortable. I'll begin your interview shortly' said the man. Bobby took off his backpack and coat and tried to calm his nerves.

'Tell me about yourself then Bobby, you from around here?' the man asked. 'Oh yeah, I was born at the hospital on the other side of town' said Bobby. The man smiled and nodded. 'And you're… 28, 29 maybe?' he asked. 'Yeah, 29. Reaching the big 30 next year' said Bobby, chuckling. The man looked at him and smiled. 'So, you've been a cleaner, a kitchen assistant and a factory worker then?' asked the man. Bobby nodded. 'Oh I also worked at a game shop for a few months, so I did retail for a while' added Bobby. The man nodded and placed the paper down, putting his hands together and taking a good look at Bobby. 'So then Bobby, do you have any questions for me?' he asked. 'Uh, well is your name Enrique? It's just I know the shop sign says Enrique's Escapist Emporium' said Bobby, pointing to the front door. 'Yes that's correct' Enrique smiled. 'Ah, have you had this place long?' Bobby asked. 'We opened a couple of weeks ago, moved from up country but I rarely stay in one place' Enrique answered. 'I see. So what is it you do here exactly?' asked Bobby. 'Here we sell whatever the customer wants' said Enrique vaguely. Bobby looked on confused. 'That seems to be a broad range then' chuckled Bobby nervously. Enrique shook his head. 'Not at all. May I ask you a question, Bobby?' asked Enrique. Bobby thought for a moment. 'Sure, go ahead' said Bobby. 'What do you want?' Enrique asked calmly. 'Well I want a job if you've got one going' replied Bobby, shrugging his shoulders. Enrique chuckled softly. 'I like you Bobby, you're funny. I mean what do you really want, out of life?' he asked. Bobby thought for a moment. 'Take your time' said Enrique reassuringly. 'I… I want to be happy again' said Bobby, looking to the ground. This response made Enrique raise his eyebrows. 'How do you mean, Bobby?' asked Enrique.

'Well, I think in recent years I've become a bit cranky. My last job just let me go a few hours ago. I moved out of my Mum's after years of her telling me I needed to get a proper job, then I needed to get myself a place to live. I just wasted 2 and a half years as a temp worker at a factory, my friends that I have tell me I've become passive-aggressive. I've got a lot going on in life and… I just wish I could be happy, like I was back in school' Bobby lamented. Enrique looked at him sadly. 'Well from what I've seen Bobby, you're funny, friendly and kind-spirited' smiled Enrique. Bobby smiled. 'Thanks Enrique, but you've only just met me. I was here to make a good first impression' said Bobby. 'But you've been genuine. I can tell you've been through a lot, but you seem to bottle that away well' said Enrique observantly. 'So do I qualify to work here then' asked Bobby, trying to bring the conversation back around to the reason he came in. 'I suppose I could take you on, but I feel you're more in need of your happiness first' said Enrique, standing up. Bobby came to realise that Enrique was a pretty tall guy, easily 6'3, towering over his standing height at 5'2. Bobby had the chance to see he had a very muscular build, biceps and triceps galore, he wondered for a moment if Enrique had to turn sideways to get through the front door when he entered the shop. Enrique walked off to the back room, Bobby could hear him rummaging through the shelves. He wondered if he should get out of there, he began to feel nervous again. Their conversation had gone unexpectedly deep. What exactly did Enrique mean by 'giving him his happiness'.

Enrique returned with a small box. 'Sorry to have kept you waiting Bobby, it's still pretty cluttered back there' Enrique chuckled. He placed the box on the counter and sat back down. Bobby and Enrique looked at the box, then Bobby looked to Enrique who was looking at Bobby searchingly. 'Bobby, I'm going to give you a choice and I really want you to think hard about this' warned Enrique. Bobby nodded nervously. Enrique sighed and began. 'Think of this as Pandora's Box, Bobby. Your happiness lies within it, however it comes with a price' said Enrique. 'Oh, just let me get my wallet-' began Bobby jokingly, but Enrique shook his head. 'Bobby, for the short time I've known you, you strike me as a lovely, wonderful person. You are probably loved and cared for by so many people. Even if you don't see it yourself, there are those that genuinely care for you. You open this box and Bobby Krauser ceases to exist. You'll become someone new, you might be happier, but you won't be beloved Bobby anymore' said Enrique ominously. Bobby looked to the box, then back to Enrique. 'And what's the other choice Enrique' asked Bobby, sweating nervously. 'You remain Bobby and continue as Bobby. You may even work here and travel as Bobby. The choice is yours'

Bobby considered his options, a fresh start at life as someone else. He could leave his old life behind, leave everything and everyone he knew. He'd sometimes thought about how if he'd died, he'd love to know who would mourn him. But on the other hand, him actually vanishing would make that thought a reality and he thought of his family, his friends near and far. The alternative was to live as himself and just pray that life magically got better over time. Bobby looked at the box, looked to Enrique and placed his hand on the box. Enrique sighed sadly but nodded in acceptance. 'Very well then, you'd better open the box' said Enrique. Bobby curiously lifted the lid and peered inside. There was a single, dusty purple bottle with a cork in the top. He picked it up, there was no label on it. He looked back to Enrique. 'What is this Enrique?' Bobby asked. Enrique folded his arms and looked to it sadly. 'It's a gel, it'll help you become who you're going to be' said Enrique. He stood up and went to the front door, turning the sign to say 'Closed' and locked the door. 'You'd better come to the back room' Enrique said. Bobby stood up and followed Enrique.

Inside the backroom was a bizarre sight. There were shrines lining the walls with pictures of various nameless people, surrounded by candles and garments that presumably belonged to the framed people. 'People come here seeking escapism, Bobby. Much like yourself. They may not wish to be remembered, but I never forget them' said Enrique, looking around. 'So, when do I stop being me?' Bobby asked. 'That bottle. Remove your clothes and rub it's contents all over your body' said Enrique. Bobby shrugged and did as he was told, removing his shoes, socks, trousers and t-shirt. He opened the bottle and began to rub it's contents all over him. Soon he was all lubed up and glistening in the candle light. He turned to Enrique who had also removed his clothes and gelled himself up. They both looked at each other for a moment. 'Such a beautiful soul. Farewell Bobby Krauser' said Enrique. Bobby looked at him confused. The next thing Bobby knew, Enrique's big, slimy hands grabbed his jaw and prised his mouth open. He moved his right hand into Bobby's mouth and pushed down, to Bobby's surprise, his neck began to expand as Enrique's fist and forearm slid down into his chest. Bobby's knees buckled and he was kneeling on the floor before the giant man. Bobby looked into Enrique's eyes as he placed his left arm into the gaping void that was now Bobby's mouth. The sound of stretching elastic filled the room as Enrique raised a foot and lowered it into Bobby's mouth. The foot and leg snaked down, to fill out Bobby's skinnier leg, making it bloat out three times it's previous size. Bobby was amazed, this was a crazy way to go out. But if he was going to become Enrique, he just knew he was going to love it. Enrique lifted his second leg into Bobby's mouth and moved him around to align with his own body. By now Bobby's feet and legs were darkening, expanding and squeaking, becoming massive. Bobby already had Size 11 feet, but with Enrique invading them, they shot to a ridiculous 18. His legs thickened like tree trunks and Enrique began to pull Bobby's body upwards. As Enrique continued to slide into Bobby's body, everything just got bigger. Bobby's relatively flat ass become like two big watermelons and his already six inch dick became an absolute monster of a serpent with two basketballs hanging below it. His belly compressed against Enrique's impressive washboard abs and his arms became enormous. By now Enrique was nearly entirely inside Bobby, all that was left was to match up the chin and lift his head over his, completing the transformation. Enrique stood in the middle of the room, huffing and panting, an absolute hulk of a man. Skin still bubbling and contorting, Enrique grabbed his dick and began jacking it hard. Picturing Bobby's kind face in his mind, he roared the most animalistic roar as he shot a huge load worthy of several giants. The cum pooled on the floor and began to shape as a new form emerged. A new man was birthed from the warm sludge, he stirred and gasped as he took his first breaths. Enrique stood against the wall panting and sweating as the new man began to explore his tanned body. He was a bit more built than Bobby had been, dare he say even more handsome. The man's eyes were bright with new excitement and amazement. He looked at Enrique, who was starting to look more like how he did before he slipped into Bobby and gave him a hug.

'Enrique, thank you, thank you so much' he cried. Enrique smiled. 'Here is your happiness, as promised' Enrique said. The man smiled at Enrique. 'I think from this day forward I'll go by Gabriel. Always liked that name' said Gabriel. 'Well Gabriel, the world's yours now. Be who you want to be. Go start your new life' said Enrique. He found some clothes out for Gabriel and put back on his own clothes. They both left the backroom and Enrique unlocked the shop door for him. Gabriel felt the wind on his new face and sighed with contentment. He sauntered off and Enrique returned to his shop. He looked to the counter and saw Bobby's backpack and coat. He sighed and picked them up, looking towards the back room. They were mementos now, belonging to a man that no longer existed.

A few months have passed since the strange disappearence of Mr. Bobby Krauser. Many have suspected suicide, but no body can be found. Those that remember him hope that he may one day return and remember the best of times they can recall with him. Police managed to find his phone inside an old and long-abandoned café shop that closed a year ago, why it was there is a mystery, though no other leads can be found in this investigation. It has been discovered that Mr. Krauser's bank account had been emptied around 7pm the day he lost his job at a cashpoint within his hometown. It is unknown where Mr. Krauser went following his unjustified suspension from his previous job, but if he's out there still, we hope he has found peace. -DCI G. K. Ralser

#transformation #bodysuit #rebirth #giant #male transformation #male tf #racial change

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joekeeryswife · 1 year

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Bad Day - E.M

hi my loves! i’ve had this in my drafts for a while but i think now is the perfect time for my first dad!Eddie fanfiction. i really hope you guys enjoy! has a few mistakes but don’t forget to like and reblog and comment <3

Eddie hated going to work. he absolutely hated it. it meant that he wouldn't be able to see his two girls all day. Tommy, your four year old daughter, had started nursery three weeks ago and it had been going okay so far. every day Eddie came home from work and see Tommy with a huge smile on her face as she waited for Eddie so she could tell him all about his day.

seeing her smiling face after a long day at work made his heart melt and it would make him forget about his shitty customers in the shop. it was 6:30pm and Eddie had just finished his shift and to say he was knackered was an understatement. he has worked on nine different cars all with horrible drivers but what could he do, it was his job to deal with the customers and finish the jobs on the cars that were brought in.

he got into his car which was parked around the back of the mechanic shop, sighing to himself as he finally sat down after a 12 hour shift. he was always rushed off of his feet and felt like he had no time to see his girls. on the drive home, Eddie wondered what Tommy would speak about today. he didn't like that his baby girl was growing up so quickly, it was like one minute you'd woken him up in the middle of the night saying your water had broken and now she was going to be turning five.

Tommy could be waiting at the door with two dolls in her hand. she could tell him about her friends Amanda and Joanne and how they learned about numbers up to 20 or how they played chefs in the nursery toy section but he honestly couldn't wait to hear about her day. he finally arrived home after 20 minutes, seeing the main lights in the trailer off but the lamp and tv were on. he hoped that Tommy wasn't in bed already, he needed to see her before she went to sleep.

he locked the car up and quietly walked toward the trailer incase Tommy was actually asleep, he did not want to wake her. he knew how cranky she was if she was woken up early and he did not want to deal with her being mad at him. he opened the trailer door and saw you and Tommy both on the sofa, the TV playing reruns of Pingu.

Tommy was on your lap, her head on you chest with her hand slightly covering her face. your left hand was on her back, rubbing small circles on the pyjama top gently whilst your right hand was running through her hair. Eddie watched intently as he heard his little girl sniffle with every breath, obviously trying to calm herself down.

"it's okay baby" he heard you whisper as you kissed the top of her head. she cuddled into you more, both of her arms now wrapped around your waist. Eddie walked over, anxiety filling his body as his eyes never left his Tommy.

he carefully sat down next to you, putting an arm around your shoulders, bringing the two of you close to him. "hi sweetheart" he whispered, kissing your forehead gently and he got comfortable on the sofa. you turned your attention away from Tommy to look at him, lips pouted as you waited for him to kiss you properly for the first time that day. Eddie reciprocated the kiss before you both turned your attention to the little girl cuddled into you.

"what's the matter with her" Tommy didn't stir out of the position she was in on your lap making Eddie frown. usually as soon as she heard him come in she would always gravitate toward him, but not tonight. she stayed in that same position just taking everything in. something really bad must have happened.

"she just had a bad day, a few of the kids at school were picking on her. the teacher called me saying she was asking to come home so i went to pick her up and she was sobbing. i have no idea what was said or who said it because she won't tell me. all she wanted me to do was cuddle her so that's what i did" Eddie's heart sank. his baby girl was being picked on and he had no idea why.

it was silent for a few minutes in the trailer, the only noises that could be heard were Tommys sniffling and Pingu on the TV. both you and Eddie wanted to know what was said and what made her upset but you didn't want to pressure her. pressuring a child to tell you what was wrong didn't teach them patients and that's the one trait you wanted Tommy to have.

after you all sat there contently for a while, you needed the toilet. it was obviously going to ruin the family cuddle time but after you had Tommy your bladder, like many women, was not what it used to be and when you needed to pee you had to go immediately. you slowly passed Tommy to Eddie, kissing her forehead gently before running off to the bathroom down the hall, leaving Eddie and Tommy alone for the first time that night.

Tommy groaned as she was passed over to Eddie but settled down quickly on his lap, head pressed against his chest. Eddie was not a patient person. he wanted to get straight to the point and find out who upset Tommy. "sweetheart" he whispered, stroking his hand up and down Tommys back.

she looked up from his chest and for the first time that night she looked in Eddie's eyes. he could see the sadness and worry in them and he just wished he could take away her bad emotions and just give it to himself. he looked at her with a sympathetic look, making her face almost crumple as she tried to keep her tears in. "you wanna tell me what's the matter? why you had a bad day?"

she looked at him with her chocolate brown eyes which matched Eddie's completely. she sighed before turning away from him, making them lose eye contact. "they said mean things" she whispered, looking down at her pyjama covered lap. Eddie frowned slightly, not really understanding who she was talking about. he tucked a piece of her slightly curled hair behind her ear before he stroked her cheek.

"what do you mean princess?" he questioned, his hand never leaving her face as he tried to calm her down, making sure she didn't cry anymore then she did before. "David called me a freak. they said because you are my dad it also makes me a freak but you aren't one daddy. and everyone laughed at me" she said, rubbing her right eye as more tears formed. Eddie sighed. so many years later and he's still being called a freak and now it was happening to his daughter.

Eddie needed to know who's David's dad because he felt his anger boiling up inside his body for some little shit making his daughter upset but he couldn't let her know that he was angry, she may think it's her that he's angry when it's not. it's the parents. the parents are allowing their children to become evil and bullies.

no one else really calls him a freak except from the old jocks he went to high school with and they were now teaching their kids to say it to his own daughter. “do you think you could tell me David’s last name?” she thought for a moment. her little forehead frowning as the went deep into thought. you’d come out of the bathroom ages ago but heard Tommy finally opening up to Eddie. you didn’t want her to go all shy again so you left them to it, going into Tommys bedroom to put away the clean washing you’d done earlier.

“i think carter or carder. something like that” she whispered, the frown on her face still apparent as she kept trying to think of David’s last name. Eddie had a light bulb moment. the name that he didn’t think he’d have to remember ever again was here, causing problems like usual. “Carver?” he questioned and her frown dropped as she nodded. “you got it daddy, it’s Carver” she clapped but her excited persona was quickly changed when she remembered what David had said.

his anger grew as he realised his enemy from high school was getting his child to pick on his own and he wasn’t going to tolerate that. he took it in high school but if anyone was rude to his baby girl they immediately had an issue and they did not want to mess with Eddie when he was mad. “motherfucker” he whispered angrily, Tommy could just about make out what he said.

he couldn’t believe that this child was going out of his was to upset Tommy and he knew how it felt. his face softened when she saw the scared look on Tommys face, she thought he was angry at her but he could never. never in her four years old living did Eddie or you raise your voices at her. you felt that soft parenting was the perfect solution for any problem when she was upset and it had worked.

“i’m sorry daddy” she whispered, twiddling her hands together as her nerves grew. what if Eddie was angry at her and she should of stuck up for herself. “don’t say sorry sweetheart. it isn’t your fault. i just know David’s dad is all. please don’t apologise baby” he said, bringing her into his chest before leaving a small peck on her forehead. he knew he shouldn’t of let his anger show on his face but he did.

he was so angry that Jason could carry on victimising his family for just existing. he wanted to drive to Jason’s house and beat the shit out of him, but he couldn’t, there was one thing Eddie needed to do right now and that was comfort his daughter, he knew he would deal with Jason another day but right now his baby girl needed him and he wasn’t going anywhere.

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spaceydoo · 1 year

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sad hours <3

benimaru shinmon x female reader smut/fluff

contains : virgin reader, inexperienced reader, lonely reader, dick craved reader, foreplay, beni is experienced, rough beni, beni gives head, squirting, overstimulated reader, blabbering and talking nonsense, beni chokes you, use of safe word, doing it at ur parents house, comforts you after, talking about your feelings at the end, rainy day sex.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

you and your boyfriend, beni haven’t seen each other in a little over 2 weeks. it started when he had a bright idea that you both should live together in an apartment. he found a job to make some money for this idea which you supported him fully of course by getting a job as well. you stayed at your moms house as your parents were divorced until you were financially stable. he found a great job in the office and was making good money. while you worked as an assistant chef making decent money. he lived with some friends who you knew really well. you both recently started your jobs and started getting adjusted to your schedules. but deep down, you hated it.

he worked from monday to friday, 5 am to 8 pm which was exhausting and on the weekend he slept for most of the day, never finding time for you. he did facetime you and tried to visit you but things would get in the way and he wouldn’t be able to come over. you on the other hand only worked tuesdays and thursdays from 5 pm to 12 am since you were only an assistant.

you hated not seeing him for this long. you craved his soft hands, his caring touch, his loving eyes, his warm lips, and much more. you wanted him more than ever and you thought about him daily. shift after shift all you could think about was being with this man.

days turned into weeks, still without seeing him. you thought you were gonna go crazy. he facetimed you about your day once in a while but it wasn’t enough. one of these facetimes had you horny and craving him and you were at your breaking point and you decided that you had to let it out.

“hey baby how was your day?” beni said in a low and tired voice on a friday night while still in his office suit lying on his back. he looked tired and you felt bad for him but couldn’t deny he looked so damn good.

“my day was fine.” you said in a cold tone while you were doing your skincare routine, getting ready for bed. you hated how he couldn’t tell that you were in need of him and decided to give him the cold shoulder.

“why’re you giving me an attitude. what? u missed me so much you’re starting to hate me? oh he didn’t know the beginning of it. you needed him bad.

the way he stared at you through the screen with tired but relaxed eyes as if he was taunting you. the way he smiled a little almost as if he thought it was a joke. the way he ruffled his hair a little knowing you were still very much obsessed. oh yeah, that was your breaking point.

“babe i missed you so much i can’t even explain it. i want you so bad. i need you so bad you don’t even know. i’ve been trying to not think about you but that just went to thinking about you more. please come over tomorrow so we can talk about it. and maybe do something more.

*silence* you were starting to regret saying that.

“oh really? didn’t think you were that dick thirsty. not seeing me for this long made you that horny? i’ll be over tomorrow to deal with you. love ya. good night.” he said in a cocky tone.

“good night babe” you said not trying to seem too excited.

*end call*

“woah.” you were at a lost of words. your excitement was hard to contain. finally you were going to get “dealt with” which made you excited none the less. but you were of course nervous.

it was your first time having sex which made you a bit worried. but you knew beni would make it the best since he’s always been the type to spoil you and treat you the best possible. you finished your skincare trying not to worry to much and went to bed.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

you ran to the door almost slipping on the way downstairs. when you opened it you saw your boyfriend standing there smirking while holding flowers.

“beni!” you jumped on him while he held you in a hug. it was raining pretty heavily outside and his hair wet was just magnificent to see. he didn’t even enter the house before you guys started making out while he still held you.

“i missed you so much baby i’m sorry i couldn’t see you” he said after breaking the kiss and taking brief breaths.

“i missed you too” you said while you stared into his eyes.

“i said i would deal with you right? now’s time i show you that i was serious.” he said while dropping the flowers he brought and began walking up the stairs still holding you.

he was a little wet from the rain but you didn’t mind. when you both made it up stairs, you knew this was going to be the best. he layed you on the bed before going on top and leaving hickeys on your neck. he took off your gray spaghetti strap shirt and stared with admiration at your perky soft breast

“didn’t even wear a bra. you missed me this much huh? i’ll take great care of you hun don’t worry”

before you could even respond, he began playing with your breasts. he sucked on one of them while he caressed with the other. you were caught off guard. this feeling was foreign and unusual but so good. you let out a little moan while raising your back off the bed indicating you want more.

he then started going down to your shorts which were already stained wet from the moment he entered the house.

“you’re so wet for me huh princess?” he said in a low voice which made you shiver.

you weren’t wearing underwear which made easy access. he moved your shorts to the side and moved down in between your legs.

“may i?” he said while staring into your eyes.

“y- yes” you stuttered being a little nervous. his red eyes never leaving your gaze.

he spread your legs and began licking your clit in circles. oh he was good.

“mmh” you moaned while you began closing your eyes before you were interrupted by beni.

“look at me. i want to see your lewd face when i ruin you. don’t turn away or else i’ll have to punish you darling.” you didn’t want to get “punished” so you obeyed like a puppy and it’s owner.

you didn’t think holding eye contact would be that hard because you loved staring into his his scarlet eyes when you went on dinner dates with him but you were so very wrong.

he continued to licked your clit, bringing one of his fingers and entered it into your soaking wet pussy. he had you wrapped around his finger (literally) and he began pulsing in and out at a slow speed so you could get adjusted. from doing this he got light moans from you that gradually got louder causing him to grunt a little over his growing boner.

“f-fuck benii your finger feels so good in me ah~” you moaned still forcing yourself to keep eye contact when he abruptly sped up his pace right at your g spot.

your vision was going blurry and you felt your high was coming and he could sense it too as you started to clench on his finger. he showed no mercy and abused that heavenly spot and he rubbed your clit with his other free hand.

“oh fuckk i’m gonna cum~” you whined while biting your lip.

“cum for me princess” he said staring dead in your eyes almost intimidatingly.

you’re orgasm washed over you while you squirted everywhere including on beni. your legs were shaking uncontrollably while you muttered sweet nonsense about your love for beni. you forgot one thing though, keeping eye contact.

you didn’t think about it at the time but before you could even finish coming from your high he grabbed your neck and forced you on your hand and knees

“what did i tell you about remaining eye contact?” he said while he still had his hand on your neck.

“b-beni you know i didn’t m-mean to, it was an accident.” you tried to plead with him.

“it’s time for your punishment” he came close to your ear, “i’m gonna fuck you silly princess.”

“wait beni please stop-” but before you could say anything more he started giving backshots at a ridiculous speed.

beni still had a good grip on your neck with one hand while the other pushed your back down to position himself better.

tears were falling from your eyes from pleasure but also pain. soon the pain started washing over more than the pleasure and the intimacy you felt before was all gone.

“beni i-can’t, it hurts” you said but to no avail of him stopping.

“you didnt follow my rules. this is what rule breakers get.”

you started feeling disconnected with the world, with yourself, with beni. you felt trapped. this moment that’s supposed to feel special feels rushed and painful. you didn’t know what to do but to just accept it until it was over.

while beni thought you were making moans of pleasure, in reality, you felt far from that. you couldn’t even speak properly, just in babbles because of how much pain you were in. you suddenly remembered something, a word you both swore to use whenever it was too much, too overwhelming. you had never actually planned on using this word because you expected your first time to be wonderful but that was the only only chance you had.

“chocolate.” you said with the last bit of strength you had.

as soon as you said that, it was as if he came back to reality. the grip he had on your neck loosened and he turned you over on your back to look at you.

“holy shit im so sorry babe. i didn’t know what came over me” he said while he hovered over you, staring into your eyes with concern and fear

you held your hand weakly to your face so he wouldn’t know you’ve been crying. you tried turning away when he stopped you by grabbing both your hands and pinning them.

“hon’ look at me. i didn’t mean to hurt you like this. i genuinely thought you were enjoying it but i guess i rushed it. i should’ve listened when you were talking to me but i took things way to far. i feel horrible for making your first time like this and i swear i will make it better next time. just please.. look at me?”

the room would’ve been dead silent if it wasn’t for the heavy patter of the rain. you’re eyes were filled with tears, barely even being able to comprehend what he just told you. you were scared and shaking from fear. he noticed this and grabbed the blanket on the bed and wrapped it around you while he went to sit behind you, holding you tight in his arm.

“my love look, i know you still don’t want to look at me, trust me i understand. i hurt you when you put all your trust in me and i could never forgive myself. but i at least want to make it up to you. tomorrow, same time, we can try again and i swear i will make it the best. just.. talk to me.” he said never letting go of you.

his hug felt warm and comfortable just like the day you two met at a club, but that’s a story for another time. you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him but you were still a bit shaken up by everything. still, you responded.

“baby.. i love you and i trust you with all my heart. i want you to stay with me and hold me in your arms just like the first time we met. we haven’t been together for long and i missed this, a lot. i’ll only forgive you on two conditions.” you said while you turned to look at him.

“anything my love. i will do it.” he said as he stared back into your eyes.

“the first condition is that you have to promise never to get carried away during sex and the next time we have sex i should be seeing stars and to also not be able to walk for days.” you said in a serious tone.

“i was already planning on apologizing with sex tomorrow but thanks for initiating it. you really are horny for me. it’s cute that you want it so bad. is that all the conditions, princess?” he said while smirking as if he thought it was a joke.

you turned yourself from his gaze to lay on his chest as you were embarrassed.

“there is one more. i want you to.. to stay with me.. please? not just for tonight but the whole week. i need you babe. i’ve been very lonely lately and i can’t go on like this. you might say i’m being dramatic but i really need you with me.” you said while tears fell from your eyes on his stomach.

“hey princess it’s going to be alright. i will stay with you until you feel better. i don’t care how long it takes i only care about you’re well being. i will quit my job and find one that works best for both of us. i know i wasn’t committed to this relationship as i was busy but now you can have all of me. please don’t cry my love. will you do that for me?

you shook your head in agreement as he wiped the tears off your face. your room was cold which made you shiver and cuddle up with your man as he played a movie while playing with your hair.

this. this is what you wanted. all along you just wanted to feel his warmth. you slowly started dozing off when beni woke you up by tapping your back.

“hon’ you forgot to take a bath. i can run the water for you if you’d like?”

you agreed while he got up to make your bath. you sat up in your bed thinking how you got so lucky to have such a beautiful, thoughtful and kind boyfriend. you layed back down dozing off again until beni came back to wake you up once more.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

as beni promised, the next day he did apologize in more than one way. let’s just say you did in fact see stars, he had you blabbering complete nonsense, had your legs shaking and weak for a while, and made you cum for the 9th time.

gotta love beni <3

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orchidyoonkook · 6 months

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personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.

#i just needed to get that out #dont mind my screaming #literaly ignore it its just me bitching about my job for the millionth time #im not even doing organizing tags so itll vanish into the interweb

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certifiedbitch777 · 3 months

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The Concept of Intention

Entry Date: 2/12/2024 2:52pm

Today is Monday, and I'm supposed to be working right now, but everything in my body was fighting me from doing so. I did what I thought was best and called out, and god, am I glad.

I hate my job. I hate corporate culture, but I'm stuck here since this is the only thing that allows me to pay my bills. I would love to just write for a living. I don't care if it's to be an author, creative writer for a magazine, songwriter, or poet - I want any and all of it. It brings me peace.

These past days of trying to break bad habits and being consistent have made me deeply introspect. All I've been pondering is my purpose and what I want my life to look like, and I just end up back in the same spot.

I want the freedom to express myself. I want the ability to carve out my own daily schedule and to follow the beat of my own drum. I want to be authentic. I want to be happy.

I just want to be happy.

In the world that we currently live in, it almost seems as if those in power are doing their best to prevent this from happening, but it's all I crave. I do my best to find joy in the little things, but it's just not in my nature to settle for crumbs when I know I can and deserve much more.

Over the past 5 years, what I wanted to do and be in life has changed dramatically. I honestly feel like I choose and hyper-focus on a vocation every 2 to 3 months. If I'm being honest, in each sprint, whichever career path I chose was never due to my genuine interest in them. It was all due to social, family, and financial expectations and pressure.

My interest in all things linked to healthcare and technology was due to my family saying that it would be a reliable source of income. 'There will always be jobs for nurses or cybersecurity.' 'It would be a steady flow of income.' Obviously, my studying in those things lasted only a short time. My reason for indulging in it wasn't sustainable.

I also majored in Psychology for about 2 semesters in college. I actually really love the concept of psychology. The complexity of the human psyche completely fascinates. As much as I loved taking classes on it, I eventually dropped out of college due to my school requiring my broke ass to pay out of pocket because I failed 1 class :|. I was devastated, but a part of me always knew I wouldn't stick with it for long since school was never for me despite my academic success in my younger years. For background, I dropped out in 10th grade and got my GED shortly after my 18th birthday without studying :).

Between all of this exploring, I worked in various retail and warehouse jobs. Honestly, I quit those jobs at the drop of a hat because the pay would never match the stress. One thing I did enjoy was the amount of free time I had. The schedule was flexible, and I could get a lot done in a day or week since I sometimes did double shifts to have more days off. As much as the scheduling for the job was compatible with my dream life, the pay and terrible benefits nowhere near offset the latter.

Last but not least, I currently work at a top corporate company. I got in due to an apprenticeship, and they offered me a full-time offer. I will forever be grateful for that, as I was sure I would be fucked as both a high school and college dropout. They've provided me with stability I could only dream of, along with excellent benefits. However, what makes me not willing to settle for this is the lack of work-life balance I have. I work at least 6 days a week and over 12 hours most days. I have no life, happiness, or drive for anything anymore. It's as if I had to sell and exchange my soul for this life. And now I live the life of a corporate zombie with my world being filled with black and white instead of vibrant colors.

Why am I giving all this context of all my different career changes? Because I was never genuinely intentional with each path I explored. As a result, nothing worked out the way I thought it would.

I've been applying to random jobs with mid to high salaries for over 2 years now, and I've gotten a rejection for every single one. Although that could be a result of how terrible the job market is, the way I view it, it didn't work out for a reason. It wasn't meant for me, and I only applied to them for superficial reasons, not because I was genuinely interested in them.

I want to be more intentional in everything I do in this life. Whether it's the food I eat, how I present myself, my morals and values, or even the line of work I want to pursue. I want to be the best version of me and only me.

This is why I want to write for a living. It's been a common denominator in my life since I was as young as 5. I've always loved writing. Whether it was storytelling, music, or even something as simple as journaling, I felt aligned with what I was supposed to be doing. Even when I am blogging to absolutely nobody, I feel happy. I feel fulfilled spreading my truth no matter how ugly or beautiful.

The concept of intentional living was spoken about long before my mother was born. I thought I was doing so, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I challenge and hope that anyone who comes across this post begins the journey of self that will lead to a life of fulfillment.

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slickshoesareyoucrazy · 9 months

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Reminding Me of Me

The past several weeks have been filled with a lot of uninvited family drama involving and basically created by my brother and his wife. J and I have been unfortunately and a bit involuntarily recruited to help subdue this drama. Of course, I don't want my brother's life to be unhappy and complicated, and J and I want to help alleviate those things when and if we can, but this suffering is almost entirely self inflicted. It's been very frustrating, especially considering the solid historical pattern of my parents using me to make my brother's life easier/better, and the historical pattern of all of them overlooking and dismissing me and taking me for granted. As I told a friend privately earlier this week, since my brother has been born, I've always been called upon to serve him or ignored in his favor.

My brother was born, and when he was 3 months old (I was 11.5), my grandmother, the person I was closest to in life to that point, passed away. In addition to the obvious, practically debilitating grief, I was also forced to leave the school district I'd grown up in to attend middle school somewhere more convenient for my parents (but mostly because of my brother). I didn't get much if any emotional support for any of this, because my brother was a newborn, and he outranked me. I became my brother's surrogate mother almost immediately. My mom worked 60-80 hour weeks, and when my dad went to work (once I was out of middle/high school for the day) to his second shift job, I was left solely in charge of my brother until my mom got home from her supposedly first shift job (but she regularly worked 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and some weekends, and brought work home with her too). I sacrificed a lot of social life opportunities and even one academic opportunity in order to fulfill the responsibility of caring for my brother. I attended a local college to continue doing this. I left my first job early if my brother had an emergency or if he needed to be checked on; not my parents. When I was a new mother, after a previous traumatic pregnancy loss, my parents didn't give me much support because that's when my brother was graduating high school and starting college, and he needed them then. More than I did, they presumed. On my 40th birthday, my brother moved in with his girlfriend (now his wife). We all spent the day (and were expected to spend the day) packing boxes and moving furniture for them. No one really even acknowledged that it was my birthday. This wasn't the first year my birthday was ignored, and it also wasn't the first year I was expected to cater to my brother's girlfriend (now wife) on my birthday. The year before that, I was told to change the restaurant and the time of day we'd go out as a family because 'she doesn't want to get ready that early for brunch.' When my brother got married, my mom cried at his wedding and his reception...she barely showed any sort of emotion at all at mine. My parents gave my brother a rehearsal dinner that was nicer than his wedding; helped do all of the 'wedding' stuff; were very involved. All they did for J's and my wedding was write a couple checks (that we cut as low as possible without offending people to be easier on them).

Now, I am getting ready to go back to work outside the home part time, for the first time in 10 years, and I have a minor surgical procedure coming up in a few days. My son just started 10th grade 2 days ago, and as everyone reading here probably knows, the start of 9th grade was nearly catastrophic to his mental health. My parents and my brother and his wife are aware (at least nominally) of all of these things. But the past several weeks have been spent solely focused on my brother and his needs instead (I know, big fucking surprise).

So I've been thinking the past couple weeks that I'm having flashbacks of living back at home with my parents, where I just don't even seem to matter, and my brother gets 100% of their care, support, and attention, and I'm expected to shift 100% of mine to him too. Over the past week or so, I've even asked J and my son questions like, 'You're real, right? Our life together is real? You're my real husband/son? We have a house and a dog, right? All of this is real, right?' Because I have to remind myself that I do exist, I do matter, I have built a life where I matter and am noticed and valued; a life separate from all those old expectations and shitty feelings of being ignored and overlooked and used. And last night, J and I went on a motorcycle ride while our son was with my parents, temporarily distracting them from the depressing and anxiety inducing concentration on my brother (my mom even admitted a few days ago that this is the first time in her life she's ever felt anxiety). J took me to the small town I spent my Pre-Brother childhood in. We visited with my godfather, probably the most consistently supportive adult presence in my life who's still alive. We only talked about our family and my godfather...not my brother at all. It was nice. We didn't do our normal 'date night' routine because of my upcoming surgery; in fact the date night wasn't our idea; it was my parents', because they 'needed' time with our son to like...have some stress free enjoyment and pride in their grandchild (for a change). But it was still a great date night. J helped remind me of me. That I am a person who matters, and me mattering is unrelated to my brother and my parents, and how I can be of service to them, or what their connection to or opinion of me is, in any way.

It felt really good to be reminded of me. I was a person of value and consequence before my brother came along. And I am a person of value and consequence now, in my own built life and my own family, without him. I'm me. And I matter. And it's sad that I have to remind myself of that still. But at least I can be reminded.

#lot of shit is going on right now #complicated emotional shit with my family #it's really exhausting #my writing

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apprenticestanheight · 4 months

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heyheyhey!! someone wish me luck on getting the job I have an interview for tomorrow plsplspls

to convince you to wish me luck I have developed the pros and cons list of what will happen if I do get the job (I am also doing this for myself to really convince myself that I can DO THIS)

pros:

job = money

money = laptop after like two paychecks

laptop after two paychecks = more writing from yours truly (I am typing this while staring at my tv screen bc I use writing as a coping mechanism and located an HDMI cable which is also some of the reason requests have been on the slower end--I have to have my glasses on in order to see on such a big screen. I am typing this sentence while not wearing them to test how bad it is and i have to squint like I'm at the back of the room to see the screen less blurrily)

fixed term contract (seems like a con but stay with me) means I'll only be working like, 10-12 weeks which yeah not so great BUT I get experience and experience means more consistent 9-5 later on, plus if I save money while I work (aside from laptop that is a necessary purchase bc again, if I have to stare at my tv screen for another six months there will be tears and begging while I point desperately at my currently opened commissions) then I can have a bit of a backspace to fall on, yk?? like. if I ever decide I want something when I'm not working or if I need to buy more like?? bodywash?? idk, I don't have to crawl to my dad like "heyheyhey scary 5'8-ish adult man, I will do the dishes, clean the fridge AND the pantry for the low low price of $40 when you also happen to get paid"

will get me out of the house! I am stuck here all except for maybe once or twice in between the pay periods of my parents (they are my rides everywhere and they get paid biweekly so when they go for groceries I'm like HEY LET ME COME I WANNA EXPERIENCE EXTERNAL AIR PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE) and getting to leave the house and work with the people I'll be working with will also significantly reduce my anxiety, which I have to talk to my dr about putting me on meds for bc it has become debilitating.

I ONLY WILL WORK LIKE, 3-4 DAYS A WEEK!! The shifts are SUPER LONG which yeah not great but its a 40 hour week and that money will be good money (which I will put into a savings account that will build interest!!)

MONEYMONEYMONEYHONEYYYYYYY!! It adds up pretty quickly and making a dollar and fifty cents above minimum wage will mean that I'll be getting close to a thousand dollars if they pay me biweekly and close to five hundred if they pay me every week. 500-1000 dollars is a lot of money for a new laptop but also,, also a lot of money for a gym membership plus treats of both the caffeine and the liquor store variety (I will be nineteen in three weeks and feel like weed will be a better experience than alc was. I had fun that night but if I ever cry over not having enough money to order pizza again pls just glare at me)

work experience!! This job is a fixed contract job (I am starting to sound like a broken record with this oops) so it'll be less than half a year but it STILL WORKS!! Plus it'll be a good lesson and help me decide whether or not I want to pursue a career in working in old folks homes and if I can handle doing so for twelve hour days for the rest of my life. It'll be a learning experience that I can add to my resume and help me decide which jobs I'll either look towards or away from once I start looking for a job after the contracts fixed term is completed.

cons bc I am in fact thinking of those

working 3-4 days a week is great, right?? right?? yeah that part is where the goodness of the work schedule will kind of stop off bc yeah, three days on four days off is amazing but I'll be working 7-7. I also unfortunately happen to know myself and I know myself well enough to know that having to go into work at seven in the morning will result in me waking up at half past five in the morning to get ready and drink either an energy drink or three cups of coffee. I also like staying up until midnight so I will be stubbornly running on five hours of sleep lol.

occasionally needing to work weekends isn't that bad but its just--I can be a morning person during the week with an energy drink or three cups of coffee and those things only. On the weekends I sleep in late and I make coffee anyway bc its my routine, but waking up at 5:30 for a weekend shift is going to have me hangry and exhausted by noon.

the only other con that I can think of for this is that the twelve hour shifts could send me into burn out very very quickly. On the one hand I keep telling myself "yeah you'll work 36 hours in three days BUT you'll also have four days to sleep the burn out off and engage in hobbies that make the burn out easier to handle" but on the other I just--I know myself well enough to know that two and a half months of burn out from working twelve hour shifts through to the end of march could have me fully burnt out until the middle of may. I just keep wondering if the fact that I'm gonna be making a dollar fifty above minimum wage for two and a half months is really worth the exhaustion both physically and mentally lol.

#cal talks

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melloween-candie · 11 months

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Outlaw [P.1]

Vi x Fem Reader

Summary

What would you do if you had a chance to be in their world?… Y/n had just finished watching Arcane for the 5th time, and she couldn't help but cry all over again. Seeing her favorite characters fighting and torturing each other was just too painful for her. All she ever wanted was for Jinx to go back to being who she was and to stop Silco. She wanted to see Claggor and Vander live on, including Mylo! And most importantly, you wanted to save Vi and change Zaun for the better. So, what did God do? Hit you with a car and put you in the show :)

A/n - I published this story on my Wattpad before, but I never finished it. I really loved Arcane and this concept that I came up with, so I made a promise to myself that I WILL finish it at some point!

And That's what I plan on doing! ╰(*°▽°*)╯

Warning! Spoilers, Mention of a car crash

[GxG/Fanfic]

Word count: 558

Arcane Masterlist (Coming soon)

Random Masterlist

Fandom Masterlists

/"Talking"//Thinking//Muttering-Whispering/

***Narrator's Pov***

It is currently 9:28 pm. Y/n is sitting on her bed, rewatching her favorite show for the 5th time on her computer.

***Y/n's Pov***

-9:28 pm/bedroom-

No matter how many times I rewatch this show, I will never get over the fact that it ended like this! Leaving me wanting more!!!!

You lay on your bed sideways as the credits rolled in, ending the last episode of Arcane. You turned off your browser, leaving your computer at the homepage screen where you can see your beautiful wallpaper of Vi and the gang.

You started making circular motions with your index finger, touching your computer screen, circling Vi's face.

"If only I were in your world... with you and Powder... I would change things for the better." You mumbled, "Why can't life be like that? Why can't this be real?"

You sighed as you got up, getting ready for your night shift at your dead-end job.

Time skip!~

***Narrator's Pov***

You were currently behind a counter scanning food for a customer. 12:06 am... Only 3 hours left till you can leave.

***Y/n's Pov***

-12:06 am/Foodies' Groceries-

"And your total is... 52.50"

The customer handed you 55.00, and you did your job. Taking the money and giving them their change.

"Have a good night, sir." You said tiredly.

Time skip!~

***Narrator's Pov***

You were getting ready to leave as your coworker was getting ready for his shift.

Your coworker was also a fellow Arcane fan.

***Y/n's Pov***

-3:08 am/Foodies' employees only room-

"Hey, are we still up for L.O.L tomorrow night?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Totally! But anyways, talk to you later."

"Have a safe night."

"You too!" You said as you left the grocery store.

***Narrator's Pov***

You opened the door and started walking home. Your car was currently under repairs as it got hit by a tree two weeks ago. The cause was simple. You had a bad day, so you got a few drinks and got distracted. At least that deer was ok.

***Y/n's Pov***

-3:15 am/Foodies' parking lot-

God, this sucks! It's late, freezing, and dark. My car is totaled, and my license's revoked. I'm tired, and I can't even call a cab. What's worst is that college midterms are coming up soon...

"UGH... sigh..."

You stopped at a long crosswalk. Looking both ways before you cross.

I wonder if it's too late for me to go back and ask Finny-

You turned to your right to see a blinding light coming your way...

BANG!

***Narrator's Pov***

After that, you were flying across the road. Pain erupted from your body as you lay on the cold road. Blood pouring out of your body.

***Y/n's Pov***

-3:30 am/In the middle of the road-

Why is it so cold... What happened?

You saw your life flash before your eyes...

This can't be it... It can't be... season two of Arcane hasn't even came out yet...

A glowing man came out of the car that was in front of you...

"God?" You mumbled softly.

The glowing figure approached you quickly as your eyes continued to blur. The man seemed to be saying something, but you couldn't make out what he said. As your eyes slowly closed.

A/n - Honestly, I wasn't planning on posting this until I had a lot of fanfics for all the Gallagher family members in the shameless masterlist, however, that was taking longer than I planned. Also, I just wanted to post something.

Hope yall like it! I already have part 2 done I'm just not posting it until I get a good amount of fics for Shameless. So consider this a sneak peek lol. 🤭🫣

ALSO, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! 🥳🎉(6/6/23)

(Sorry if it was cringe... lol I made this when I was like 13 😂😅)

#arcane #vi x reader #vi arcane #caitlyn arcane #fanfiction #fanfic #arcane university #arcane fanfic #modern reader #league of legends #violet x reader #violet arcane #lesbian pride

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parkerflix · 1 year

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-ANNOUNCEMENT PLEASE READ!

Hello! I know that this post is a long time coming, i keep hinting towards it but have yet to actually make it. (yes i am currently writing this at work- anyways). I kinda wanted to be transparent with everyone about everything and have a few things to address. I’ll mkae them bullet points so feel free to ignore the parts you really don’t care about. Okay enough of me rambling.

The layout of the blog

As you can see, the blog looks a little different ? why is that? Well, i’ve kinda decided i was tired of how things looked and i wanted to do something different. I’ve been active on this blog for going onto 3 years, and i’ve changed the layout very little. It’s time to try something new & also try different writing!

Kpop content

With you trying different writing, what does this mean for your kpop content? I will continue to write for kpop and the fandoms i currently write for, but i will not be branching out from those two fandoms. Quite honestly. Kpop writing just doesn’t bring me joy as much as it used to and the engagement i get varies as to what member i post which honestly just doesn’t motivate me. I also don’t get a lot of feedback or engagement currently, and its unmotivating. With this being said, my current fics as of this time ( starstruck & about love) are currently on two different routes. Starstruck is currently in it’s final chapters and im hoping and aiming for a release of all the chapters all at once. I’ll be able to distinguish that at a later date.

About love

About love has been my work for almost 2 years now. I’ve learned a lot about my writing since then, and how to manage plot lines. That being said, about love will be on a permanent hiatus for the foreseeable future. Why is this? Well once again engagement comes into play, along with the fact that where i wanted the story to go and where it was going just wasn’t happening. I am planning on revamping it, making the story more clearer & what i want it to say, and really sticking to it. Hopefully it’ll still be a smau, but for now, until i can plan it all out and really focus on it, it’s going to be on hiatus. I’ll be unlinking it from my nav fairly soon after this post goes up.

Other writing

I want to venture into other fandoms that aren’t kpop and make my side blogs more for reblogs & fic recs, and to be able to write what i want and enjoy my writing. There are fics that i’ve posted within the last year, that have been published for kpop, but when writing them i envisioned with either a different person or a different character. It’s something that i’ve been thinking about for a while, so i’m hoping that it’ll be interesting to those who are only here for kpop writing!

Posting

If you haven’t noticed, my posting schedule has gotten a bit… lacking for a while. I started a new job in june of last year, and it’s been a little hectic at my job. I work anywhere from 30-36 hours a week, and my days currently consist of (mostly) 3 12 hour shifts. I’m also responsible for a lot of things at work, so I keep busy most of the time. When i’m not busy, i’m supposed to be working on work stuff (this is being written with timings in consideration of not getting caught) and so most of my day goes there. My normal schedule i work 5 out of the 6 days we are open, and i’m here 6 hours each day ( there go my nights). Why am i explaining all of this? Well i typically write during the night and with my hectic work schedule also comes my school schedule. Recently i’ve been having trouble even working on school just because work takes up so much of my time. I’ve also had a LOT of personal issues within my life, outside of tumblr & work that has taken up mentally space & my time. I’m trying to get back into the rhythm of things and have a normal posting schedule for the fics that i am tying up, but for the foreseeable future, that will also be a compromise.

TDLR:

the blog will change but i won’t stop writing kpop it’s just not going to be kpop writing on here though, i will be changing my user & updating my links but that takes time so please bare w/ me while i do. about love is on permanent hiatus & updates are slow for everything else. I know this post is long and redundant, and you probably don’t care, but i felt it was better to explain & be honest about my writings. I’m grateful for those who follow me, keep up with my fics, and just support me. Thank you! Okay this was long & i need to do my closing tasks for the night! xxx

#paris talks #important #pls read!

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misscammiedawn · 1 year

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What is your favorite angry song? Gets your heart pumping angry, dancing around angry and maybe screaming angry.

Thank you for asking, Linny. To my Tumblr audience, I have been quiet about it on this side but I am healing from major surgery and am bed-ridden for the next 3-5 weeks. Linny is sending me a number of asks to help me pass the time.

This question deserves a full answer:

When I was a teenager I used to be big into Papa Roach and Linkin Park. My Rush obsession existed, of course, that is a constant with me... but Rush don't do angry songs. Given I was Going Through Some Shit back then, listening to Hybrid Theory a lot was good for my deeply angry part. The dominant portion of my soul back then that needed to survive being kicked out (twice) and navigate having to work 12+ hour shifts at my temp job to keep myself from sinking further into the rocks of rock bottom.

There was always something so soothing about just getting that catharsis of screaming out via miming along as my disc span inside the work computer. 12 pound disc, 6 pound headphones. A worthy purchase at a time when shutting off my brain and just doing my job was needed.

I think Papa Roach's Infest album got the most play and Broken Home was my favorite at that rage fueled part of my life.

I mellowed out a lot in the past 20 years and these days most of my "angry" music is just BPD music so when I am hurting and upset I tend towards Left At London. Nat's music is trans-BPD sicko mode music and her anthem is Pills & Good Advice, a song about being discharged from a mental facility and the odyssey of trying to get by, being understood and the vague acceptance that none of this is going to go away and no one can save you from it from the outside.

Kudzu is also one I like to project on. The song is more from the perspective of addiction with the kudzu/addictive substance "taking over your garden" but every time I listen and hear "can I stay one more night until I go home" I think literal terms and remember the multiple people who have hosted me in the past and how I used their charity until it all went away. How many people had I selfishly used up all I could use from them until they ran out of love and patience for me?

I listen to that song and get angry at me.

Which isn't what I typically want.

With Pills & Good Advice it is more cathartic. Particularly the climax of the song:

Start to climb, and then I get a little higher (Higher)

I'm a coward, it don't matter what I do (Higher)

From "I can't do it anymore" to "I can't do it, I can't do it"

Told myself I wanna die

So how am I supposed to prove it now?

Spend too many of my minutes getting higher (Higher)

I've attempted way too much to even count (Higher)

I've been committed, but committed to the people that I love

And if I try to love myself, I guess that I could live forever crying

Also the Blacknwhite single is really good for conveying what Splitting feels like within BPD.

(I can find another)

But I'll never find another you again

I've been splitting 'cause it's better than admitting

That it's something that I can't control

I was livid, what you did was nothing easily forgiven

Yet I couldn't let go

And I bet all your friends say, "I'm glad that she's gone"

Then you have Screen Violence by CHVRCHES which is an album that just resonates with me and how I felt between 2019 and 2021 when I burned my life to the ground a 3rd time. I am not proud of my actions... but god it feels good when you can listen to a song and feel like you may not have done the "right" things, but you did something that someone, somewhere can understand well enough to put in to poetry.

Anger being my core emotion is not something I am proud of either. But it's better spent on music than on people.

#camden asks #recovery asks #linny bee good

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