#it genuinely is an unhealthy mindset and its something i had to work to grow out of i hope they do too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hotshotshitshow · 2 months

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im not trying to be mean forreal but you arent gonna have people rbing your stuff if you don't tag it! 2 give an example your most recent piece has 7 tags total, two of which are personal tags that no ones gonna search so lets say 5. in addition to the ones you included which werent bad you should also include stuff like the medium (ex: #traditional art) and of course #artists on tumblr. tagging aesthetics that fit also goes a long way. plus a (no guilt) caption requesting that people boost your work. something important to keep in mind with tumblr is that its really good for circulating art LONG term rather than most social media platforms which prioritize feeding the neverending ratrace for whatevers trending. I am in no way a big name artist but my most circulated posts come from people tag searching and queueing. obvs theres usually gonna be the most attention over the first few days but also give it time! don't be afraid to repost or find niches who will circulate your stuff. post art and then link it in oc discords, too this isnt meant to admonish you btw more it makes me sad to see you get discouraged. you have a unique and compelling artstyle with genuinely swagful characters so the idea of you peacing out saddens my heart. i hope this helps, cya

Hey first off. I genuinely appreciate this, I am ngl I knew I shouldn't have posted that last night cuz I knew I'd be embarrassed about it later and well!! Here I am, feeling like a damn fool!! Sincerely tho, your words do mean a lot.

However, the one thing that trips me up is that back when I did use Tumblr more regularly, like several years ago, they had made it so that only the first five tags on a post were searchable, and everything else wasn't visible in tag searches. Has this changed? It's been a long time and I have no idea what's changed with Tumblr in the past few years but I've just been operating on the assumption that only the first five tags "count." Also I am just ... Not good at knowing what to tag things other than in the most straightforward way possible 😬

I definitely absolutely get discouraged way way way too quickly and I acknowledge that, it comes from years of a building frustration of posting on social media and never feeling like it goes anywhere while also watching those around me grow their followings. It's come to a point where it feels like if something I post "fails" then it tanks my mood on a hair trigger. And it's not healthy!!! This is largely why I've stopped posting publicly anywhere. Bc the reaction I've built up is so instantaneous and intense that it's completely unhealthy for me. Sorry to vent at you!! It's all just sort of coming out. I've absolutely poisoned the way I view interaction on social media for myself and it feels very entrenched and I don't really know what to do about it.

I want to share my art with people and I want them to like my art and asking for reblogs directly on art posts is something that always felt gross to me but idk maybe that's what I gotta do. I have this notion in my mind tho that if my art is good and people like it, they'll reblog it because they want to, not because I asked them to. It doesn't feel like people are sharing my art bc they genuinely like it if they're doing it bc I asked them to. And then people don't reblog my art, so it gets interpreted as "well, I guess nobody thinks my art is very good, otherwise they'd want to share it!"

This all feels very immature of me and I hate that this is how I feel. I definitely am very deeply in the mindset now of "well, nobody appreciated my art much when I did post it, so now nobody gets to see it anymore." Idk how to grow past this tbh. I am absolutely only shooting myself in the foot. Oh well whatever!!!

Anyway. Thank you again for this, and also if you did actually read this, thank you for your time and energy. I don't think you were being mean at all, you said what is true, I think. I hope you have a lovely day.

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perpetual-help · 3 years

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If I might ask, how did you return to Holy Mother Church?

Well, the short answer would be by the graces won for me by The Blessed Mother. I owe everything to her intercession.

I was a cradle Catholic who fell away from the Church during my later teenage years. I abandoned God out of anger and also out of a growing curiosity in the occult. I studied and practiced (and eventually mentored in) witchcraft for about six years. Towards the end of the six years, my pursuits into witchcraft grew darker and more sinister. To give you an example of the mindset I was spiraling towards - back then, I was becoming more acquainted with groups who condoned human sacrifice / cannibalistic rituals / cursing for the pleasure of causing chaos and misery / knowingly working with demons. I thank God that I was spared from going any further in these groups than simply learning what they do or what they encourage to be done through text, and nothing more.

I met someone I will call “H” through a mutual friend (in person.) My first impression of H wasn’t a very good one, given that I could tell from our first interaction that H was a Christian. Back then, I could differentiate between Christians and non-Christians by the feeling of the air that would surround them, and if I found them to be Christian, there would be an immediate swelling of hatred towards them. I had a tarot reading done for H and I to see whether it would be worthwhile to humor a friendship with a Christian, and the person who gave the reading claimed that H and I were actually soulmates. I took this seriously and decided that, since H and I were apparently connected in such a way, I had to make an effort towards H’s wellbeing, even if it never led to anything romantic. H attended a small Pentecostal church that would post its service online, and I would occasionally watch some of the sermons in order to mock and laugh at the ridiculousness of it. They would “speak in tongues,” give “words” to people, run around in “the spirit,” and do other things that I found stupid but thoroughly amusing. My interest was especially piqued by the idea of “speaking in tongues” - because, when some of them would “speak in tongues,” I could understand what they were saying. (More on my present thoughts about this later)

H suffered from depression, which I considered a blight to the both of us, given that we were allegedly soulmates. One Sunday, H said they did not want to go to church because of the depression, and so I offered to go with them, knowing that they would leap at the opportunity to drag a heathen to church. On my way to the church, the voices I recognized as my “spirit guides” at the time were leaving me with strong internal impressions such as: “He is going to say that your chains are breaking, ignore him.” And “he is going to single you out, don’t fall for it.” My answer to these impressions was “fine.”

When I entered the Church, I felt an immediate repulsion. People were dancing and singing pop worship songs, and I internally questioned why I had chosen to do this. Sure enough, the pastor did single me out. Most of what he said to me could be attributed to cold reading, but it was entertaining. I was told “Your chains are breaking. You wear your past bad relationship like a scarlet letter on your forehead.” and “You’re going to meet a Godly man and your relationship will be like out of movie. When you do, cling to him.” I’m not sure how to describe some of the sensations I felt during parts of the service. At times, I felt like my skin was crawling, or like my skin was burning, and other times as though my throat were closing and I was being choked. I initially brushed these feelings off and tried to convince myself that it was social anxiety, but that experience lingered with me even after the service. H and I talked a lot after church, mostly about the Bible and different parts in the scripture. I had a lot of questions and H was kind enough to offer loving and well-thought-out answers. I went home and cried, and it was the first time I had properly cried in several years. I wasn’t sure why I cried at first, but the day’s events recurred in my mind’s eye and I recalled how horrible I’d felt while people worshipped around me. At that moment, I genuinely wanted to know the truth - I wanted to know whether God was real. And, if He was real, I wanted to know whether He would help me. So, I prayed. I asked God this: “If you are real, please touch my heart so that I know.” Immediately, I enveloped by this warmth and peace, and something I can only think to describe as perfect love and tranquility. My heart felt this so intensely that it seemed to be overflowing in and through me, and I wept. I only then was able to realize how absolutely miserable and exhausted and anxious and depressed and wrathful I had been for so long. I wept, and I promised to give myself entirely to God. In return, I asked Him to help me to become a servant pleasing to Him - to love Him more, always. The demons I once considered my “spiritual guides” and “deities” showed their true colors after this experience. I would say, for the first year of my conversion, I was tormented a lot in different ways - but especially in my dreams, and by feelings of intense anxiety and despair that would be thrown upon me out of nowhere and that coupled with the sensation that the walls were closing in. The voices and impressions I once recognized as “friends” started to say things like “you can’t be saved, you’ve already given yourself to us.” among other lies. These torments continue today, and in other ways, but they aren’t as constant as they were towards the beginning.

I threw away six years worth of junk I had acquired which left my room essentially empty, but it was a liberating feeling. I started to attend the Pentecostal church, but my time there didn’t last. They hosted a woman who called herself a prophetess who spoke in tongues, but what she would say would be blasphemies. People would shout “amen” and “alleluia” to these utterances, and I began to understand that this group didn’t know how to discern the spirit. The breaking point for me was when the pastor claimed that Jesus had to learn how to perform miracles - that, and, the glaringly obvious inconsistencies between his sermons and scripture. There was an unhealthy focus on titles of ministries and “what God can do for your health and wealth.”

I lasted three months at that church before it clicked in my head that the Catholics were right. This, was also in part due to my rediscovery of the Bible verses that referred to Jesus’ command to eat His flesh and drink His blood, and a dream that followed. So, I went to confession for the first time in probably 8 or more years. It was a frightening experience and I cried during the entire confession like the wimp I am, but the liberation I felt afterwards far outweighed it all. A couple of days after my confession, I attended Mass with my mother. During the Transubstantiation, while the Priest held up The Body and Blood of Our Lord, I smelled a strong incense. I only noticed the smell because I normally disliked Church incense for how strong it is, but this one, while it was strong and impossible to ignore, it was the most beautiful smell I’ve ever encountered. (There was more crying) After Mass, I asked my mom whether she knew what kind of incense they used, and she deadpanned “They didn’t burn incense.”

Now that I have had more time to process the beginnings of my conversion and especially my encounters at the Pentecostal church, I am of the impression that I was able to understand their “tongues” because it was demons speaking through them. I’m aware that there’s a Charismatic Movement of Catholics who also claim to speak “in the tongues” but I am always wary of such claims, and I avoid such practices like the plague.

God is so merciful and so loving, and my entire life is a testament to this. I did nothing but offend Our Lord and hate all things good and Holy, but still, He called out to me and saved me from the miserable state of death I hadn’t realized I was in. All Glory to God.

As St. Germanus of Constantinople said: ”There is no one, O Most Holy Mary, who can know God except through thee; no one who can be saved or redeemed but through thee, O Mother of God; no one who can be delivered from dangers but through thee, O Virgin Mother; no one who obtains mercy but through thee, O Filled-With-All-Grace!”

For this reason, I also attribute these great graces given to me by the intercession of Our Blessed Mother, and I owe her nothing less than my life in return for this favor she has shown me.

I hope my answer has satisfied the question without being too tedious.

God bless you, and keep you.

#catholic #roman catholic #catholic witch #christian witch #christian #witchcraft #conversion #ask

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yandere-daydreams · 3 years

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Title: The Right Direction.

Commission for the lovely @99shadowcat99.

Work Count: 1.8k

Pairing: Yandere!Hawks/Reader

Synopsis: Keigo’s never been one for routine. His life is too hectic, for that, and he just doesn’t have time for a real schedule. But, you do, and he likes that about you. Enough to keep nudging you in the right direction, at least.

TW: Death, Descriptions of Murder, Stalking, Breaking and Entering, Blood, Emotional Manipulation, Financial Manipulation, Gaslighting, Delusional Mindsets, and Unhealthy Dependancy.

It probably didn’t help that he hadn’t been in the best state of mind, when he first found you.

His industry could be stressful, sometimes, and Keigo’d already seen plenty of good heroes fall apart and shatter under the pressure. He tried to take it in stride. He was good at it, too, keeping the sparse remains of his decimated personal life separate from the constantly growing behemoth that was his career. Still, he had his moments of weakness, just like everyone else. Moments of weakness that led him to the threshold of a coworker's bedroom before he found an excuse to leave, to the highest rooftop he could find just to escape the noise of the city below, or in your case, the darkest corner of a well-worn dive bar, his vision blurring and his words slurring together before you saw fit to cut him off with a hand on his shoulder and a concerned smile.

Keigo didn’t have a reason to be as grateful as he was. He’d been drunk, but your call had been a precautious one, your jokes about avoiding a lawsuit from his manager too genuine to be completely disregarded. It’d been human decency to let him sleep it off in your backroom, and he couldn’t call you a saint for not turning him away when he came back the next day, and the night after that, and at least once a week for the month that followed. He was willing to accept that you’d been easy to latch onto. He liked your eyes, the way they crinkled at the edges as you laughed. Your voice was nice, easy on the ears, and he’d never been able to pin down your scent, like flowers and smoke and cheap liquor, all at the same time. It didn’t really matter why, though, and he didn’t like to think about it. He just liked you, a lot.

You were always there, always excatly where he needed you to be, and he appreciated that. He wasn’t going to tell himself there was another reason why he liked you so much. You were where you were supposed to be, always where you were supposed to be, and Keigo was close to loving you for it. Speaking off…

“Hey there, stranger.”

You were always right on time, too.

He pushed himself away from the cement wall just in time to feel you nudge against his side, your shoulder barely colliding with his. He knew your routine, by now. You always worked the closing shift, kicking out the last of your patrons and locking up a few hours after midnight before heading home, you route alresdy permanently engrained in his memory. It wasn’t uncommon for Keigo to wait for you, but you always sent him the same glance over your shoulder, the same teasing grin. You were a creature of habit, and he couldn’t say he minded. “For a busy man, you seem to have an awful lot of time on your hands,” You started, already turning away from him. “Our beloved Hawks doesn’t have any other adoring fans to grace with his presence?”

“None I like as much as you, sweetheart.” He didn’t miss a beat, but he let himself stumble as he followed your lead, earning a laugh and an excuse to hook his arm around your elbow, his hand finding yours soon after. It was a common gesture of affection between the two of you, but Keigo’s heart still beat a little faster, his face flushing and making him thankful for the flickering streetlights. “Let me walk you home,” He went on, if only for the sake of ritual. You’d stopped trying to politely refuse weeks ago, and it’d been months since he’d taken ‘no’ for an answer. “Patrol might be over, but I can still make sure nothing happens to my favorite civilian.”

“Oh, really?” Another mocking tone, a playful squeeze to his hand. You were the one to intertwine your fingers with his, this time, and Keigo forced himself to keep his eyes on the sidewalk. “And what, prey tell, are you afraid the world’s going to throw at me in the block between my bar and the train station?”

It was actually three blocks, three and a half if he counted the range he combed through meticulously every night before meeting you, but Keigo didn’t bother verbalizing the correction. “I’ve seen all kinds of things happen in a block,” He admitted, shrugging, trying to sound casual enough to come off as genuine. “A villain could go on rampage, someone could lose control of their quirk… Hell, a waitress with a vendetta could be burning your bar to the ground, as we speak.”

There was a slight pause, then a humourless chuckle. Just as he’d expected. “It’d be a good night to try. My boss might beat them to it, otherwise.”

Keigo hummed, slowing his pace down as yours began to falter. “I’m guessing there’s trouble in paradise?”

“Nothing I didn’t expect,” You sighed. He recognized your expression, the slight glare, the effortful frown of someone frustrated with their situation, but resigned to the inevitability of it. “I never thought I’d spend the rest of my life working at some sketchy, second-rate bar, I just… We’ve been losing business, and the place is falling apart, and he just seems so... so alright with it. It’s like someone’s paying him to run the place into the ground.”

Someone was. Someone was giving your greasy, gutless, greedy employer enough to last him well into retirement to do just that, to sit back and make sure you wouldn’t have to spend another day serving leering customers with irresponsible coworkers, but you wouldn’t want to hear it from him. You wouldn't understand why he was doing it. It’d break your routine, and you’d be thrown out of your little, familiar world too quickly.

You didn’t need to know, so Keigo didn’t need to tell you.

“It’s not the only sketchy bar in the world,” He tried. “We could always use another warm body at the agency, if you’re interested. Just as something to tide you over, obviously, I… I wouldn’t want to overstep my boundaries.”

Like he’d said, you were a creature of habit. It took you half a second to shake your head, and another to relax, your next sigh one of fondness, rather than irritation. He glanced in your direction just in time to meet your eyes. Just in time to watch your gaze drift over his shoulder, towards the narrow, cramped sidestreet behind him, the one he'd almost been worried you wouldn't reach. Just in time to notice your smile fade, your mouth fall open, and just in time to catch you, as your knees buckled and anything you might’ve said was drowned out by a long, wordless scream.

He might’ve been a little over-zealous, in hindsight. The body would’ve probably been enough on its own, slumped over and bloodied, but she’d been yelling so loudly, thrashing and kicking and fighting long past the point of stubborn futility, and Keigo must’ve lost his temper somewhere between pinning her down and wrapping his hands around her neck. He’d put so much thought into it, too, using a knife rather than one of his feathers and letting her drag herself just far enough to be visible from the sidewalk before serving the killing blow. But, leaving her sprawled across the pavement, the wounds in her back still and the blood still pooling beneath her chest...

It might’ve been overkill. That was on Keigo, but he was sure you'd find a way to forgive him.

“She’s not.” It was short, blunt, straight to the point. You didn’t try to protest, and Keigo took to unlocking his phone. One of his sidekicks should’ve still been on-duty, and he wanted his agency on this before the police could get involved. It’d be easier, that way. Usually, a hero would only be called in after the crime’s already solved and a suspect’s been found, but no one questions the guy trying to solve the case. “But, we’re not going to let the same thing happen to you, alright? Some of my guys are already on their way, and I’m going to find the psycho who did this.”

Still, the carnage served its purpose. He could already feel you going limp, falling against him as you stared at the grisly scene, barely making half an attempt to push him away before digging your nails into his shirt, instead. “That’s… That’s my roommate,” You gasped, your voice shaking, all jagged fear and sudden terror. Momentarily, he wondered if he should’ve been more subtle. “She shouldn’t-- She’s supposed to be at home, I don’t know why she’d--” There was an abrupt pause, a hasty, choked silence. You slumped against him, letting Keigo wrap his arm around your waist, your earlier anxiety gone and replaced with numb, festering shock. You were trembling, by the time you continued, but for whatever reason, Keigo couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty. “I… I should check on her. She might be--”

There was a stilted nod, an uneven breath. “T-thank you, Takami.”

“That’s what I’m here for, right?” He allowed himself a small smile, a light tap to your side. “You’re going to have to stick around for a little while. I’ll try to make it quick, but if that really is your roommate, we’ll have to ask a few questions. Then you’ll be free to head home.”

Keigo could’ve laughed as you went stiff, your relief dissolving as swiftly as it’d appeared. “I… I don’t know if I should….” You were quick to trail off, to avert your eyes as your thoughts turned towards self-preservation. Keigo could already hear sirens in the distance, but he wanted to be selfish for just a little longer. Just a few more seconds, before he went back to being your concerned friend. Just your concerned friend, unfortunately. “Would that be safe?”

Of course not. He’d wrecked the place, breaking every window and decimating every lock, but you didn’t know that yet, so neither did he.

Rather than giving you a reassuring answer, Keigo only pulled away, moving to cup your cheek. “I mean, I should check it out first. That might take all night, though, and there’s something wrong, we’ll be lucky to finish this week,” He explained, watching your expression darken, clouding over with something between blind fear and impending dread. “But, I don’t know if I’d be able to focus with you in some shitty, unguarded hotel, either. And…” He let himself trail off before breaking into a small smile. Not disarming, but soothing. Just softened enough to encourage you to do the same. “You know I always have room for you back at my place. Only if you trust me to take care of you, of course.”

You barely hesitated before falling into him, wrapping your arm around his neck as you buried your face in his chest, words of appreciation mixing with cracked, half-choked sobs. Keigo welcomed it. Why wouldn’t he?

He was your knight in shining armor, your valiant protector. And you were his rock, his routine, the one thing that kept him sane. He deserved a little praise every now and then, didn’t he? And besides, he had to take advantage of his oh-so-heroic image while he could.

He doubted you'll be so grateful, once you find out just how much he’s done to keep you by his side.

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vacentheart · 3 years

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Is this Love....? What has it done to me...

This is a random vomit of feelings that I have blooming inside of me.

I have always been the independent type of person. The one who believes she does not need anyone...that she can handle the world by herself. I believed I was Wonder Women, that I did not need no one else, let alone a boy. Growing up with this mindset set me apart from a lot of my peers. I mean.. I’ve always been envious of those who were in relationship. I would think about how much I would love to have that, to have that significant other to lean on when I need it the most....yet in the same breath needing someone like that scared me.

Let me try to explain.

Growing up around relationships constantly failing in every aspect of the word did something to my idea of love. I believe Love exists, yet I believe that Love is rare. People who you say you love, or love you, could turn on you easily if given the proper chance. That is in the subconscious mind whenever talking to boys or when I would grow feelings for a certain someone. I felt like I wanted a relationship but mentally I was not prepared for the idea of needing someone and loving someone other than my family, I think.

But its confusing because I love Love. I love seeing love actually work out and people being genuinely happy with themselves and others. Seeing other people happy makes me happy, that is just who I am. I am used to helping others and being there for others I guess being there for myself is the hardest thing to do.

Anyways, Love. I believe in it but I guess I have doubts about it. I have seen people lose themselves in relationships. I used to think that it was unhealthy, but is it really or is natural? I say this all to say, I am in love. I am in love, or at least I think I am. I love this man and I do not know what to think about it. He makes me feel vulnerable, makes me feel good about myself and makes me feel loved. All these things scare me. The thought of being needy, raw, and open for someone is like all my defenses are down. Like I am exposed and I do not like that. I hate feeling emotional, when my whole life I was strong, not only for myself but my family.

I had always had problems with my image and he changes that for me, he makes me feel beautiful. But that makes me scared. Scared that I am growing in a way that I am not used to...Do you ever feel so comfortable in the sadness and pity space you created for yourself that any thought of leaving it makes you scared? That is me. I know change is good, especially in this aspect but what if I am not ready….Lets be honest… who cares? I know I need this, I guess this is being stubborn to change.

The feeling of love, or being loved is something I cannot explain. I do not want to say growing up I lacked the love from my family. But most of it was transnational… like they loved you but for a price. But with him….he loves me unconditionally. He loves my flaws, my quirks just everything about me. How do I know this..? Because the way he looks at me, he tells me he loves me every chance he gets and he showers me with love and affection. He never fails to tell me how he really feels, he never holds back criticism ( the good kind) because he wants me to become the best version of myself...that I admire.

All these things that scare me, I know are going to help me. Relationships are supposed to be complementary , they are supposed to help you become yourself. He does that for me, he creates this space for me to grow into and I just do not know what to say. I think I found the love of my life, I know that it may be to soon but this love has open a part of me that is unknown, it is scary and imitating but I am ready for it.

Love won.

#love quotes #love #independent #women #happy #dating #dating20 #spilled words #word vomit #gain followers #community #love is beautiful #love is blind #love is love #happiness #bloom into you

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shimzus-a · 3 years

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HEADCANON : PRESSURE POINTS.

i think one common misconception that people have about kiyoko is that because she’s blunt she must have a bad attitude. she can be portrayed as someone who’s very unforgiving & cold ( considering that for most, if not all, of ennoshita’s movies she’s taken on the villainess role ) because of the way that she speaks to others, even though her conversational style is more based on thoughtfulness & restraint. still, most characters who run into her consider her a cool, somewhat severe type of person, & considering the way that she treats tanaka & nishinoya with a no-nonsense mindset, others might assume her to be easily irritated.

but as i mentioned before, she’s misunderstood because her communication style is thoughtful & restrained, not because she’s easily frustrated. in fact, most of her “pressure points” ( dislikes ) are common. she may express them a bit differently, choosing to not mince words when she points them out, but her motivations for responding to them are more often because she 1) has expectations for proper behavior & assumes that most decent people understand traditional values like her, & 2) because she’s stubborn & she’d rather point those expectations out *for people she knows than tiptoe around them. these aren’t really unreasonable expectations in her mind, & although she might be stern when she points them out to someone like tanaka or nishinoya, she doesn’t necessarily expect any change to come out of her comments. in that way, she’s also reasonable about her pressure points. she knows that if there is someone with a personality she dislikes, she can’t change everything about them, but she may be able to satiate their behavior in a certain circumstance so that they’re more tolerable ( i.e. if her team would quiet down when they’re being too loud indoors ).

*i bring up this point about being blunt “with people she knows” because in the instance where terushima kept pressing her for her phone number, she was polite & tried to excuse herself rather than coldly telling him that he was annoying. however, with tanaka & nishinoya, whom she knows well, she will say “you’re being annoying. stop that.” i think she’s more comfortable expressing her judgments on people she knows better, because she knows that it’s not considered “rude” if it comes from a place of friendship / acquaintanceship. after all, most friends try to be considerate & accept their other friends’

some of her “pressure points” i describe below. these are more like topics of frustration, but ultimately i do bring up some personality traits that she strongly dislikes in other people.

the first pressure point is a lack of consideration for others, which is pretty broad. at its simplest definition, this relates to the way that people are mindful of their surroundings, if they share those surroundings with others. thus, volume level, cleanliness, & manners are usually the first sorts of things that kiyoko takes notice of. if her team is being disruptive, if they don’t pick up the club room, & if they try to start fights, it will probably irritate her. however, i don’t think that this necessarily bothers her enough to scold them EVERY TIME for it. in terms of the cleanliness & volume, she may rely on someone with more influence like sawamura to bring it up. if tanaka & nishinoya are about to start a fight to protect her ( like they often do prematurely at events ), she will make them stop, though mostly because it also makes her look bad. if they’re trying to stir up competition & intimidate other teams, where she’s not included as part of the topic, she would then instead expect sawamura to step in.

she also dislikes discord in friendships. she despises drama & arguments among friends, which is why most of the time in her homeroom class when her female peers start to talk about the bad things their friends did, she tunes them out. because kiyoko wasn’t able to make friends until hitoka-chan, she strongly values those types of relationships & feels that friends should be cherished rather than combatted against. despite kiyoko’s unfamiliarity with having close friends, she thinks that if she were ever to have a friend that she would fight with, she’d rather stop being friends to save them both the pain of conflicting with one another. however, admittedly that is somewhat of an immature thought that she has in high school & one which she needs to learn to grow out of as an adult. i think ultimately she does learn that fighting is a natural part of any relationship, including familial & romantic, but it’s not one that she likes to prolong. it can be hard because she’s stubborn by nature, but she definitely wants to avoid fighting when it’s with friends like hitoka-chan who have shown her a kindness that she’s unused to with peers / acquaintances who never became meaningful friends to her.

next, she dislikes egoism. this is extremely unattractive to her because of her more traditional values. being humble, for some reason, is incredibly attractive because it denotes some form of wisdom. when people are able to recognize their weaknesses & strengths without OVERDOING their strengths, it speaks to a level of emotional maturity that kiyoko appreciates. furthermore, though confidence & humility may overlap, she prefers humility more often because it inherently suggests that someone could be aware that there’s always more to learn about their strengths. thus, even if someone were confident in their receiving ability, being humble & recognizing that they can continue to improve is more impactful for her. she thinks that egoism is blinding for certain individuals, & makes people into highly competitive / condescending peers that nobody wants to be around. not only does egoism contribute to highly inflated self-views, but it also starts to foster a thought process where people begin to look down on others. that could contribute to 1) high expectations that can’t be met & therefore punished by the egoist, 2) unhealthy competition & the need to push people away to feel differentiated & “better,” & 3) a nasty tendency to self-isolate, especially when that person might need to depend on others for help. she probably avoids the types of people who she considers egotistical, simply because she knows that this is a major flaw she doesn’t want to be around. while the “pressure points” mentioned above are more forgivable, this one is something she’s steadfast on disliking.

finally, the one thing that she’s learned to “hate” the most is probably unsportsmanlike conduct. i believe i wrote a headcanon at one point, that since then has been deleted, where i explained that kiyoko probably disliked oikawa, kageyama, & tsukishima at some time. this was mostly based on what she had seen of their playing styles or heard of them. oikawa, although not on her team & thus not a person she’s privy to knowing very well, also seemed somewhat egotistical to her, so that contributed more to his rating; but kageyama & tsukishima were players she could watch closely. kageyama, firstly, had a sort of unsportsmanlike conduct because he didn’t seem to respect his team & felt that he could do things on his own. again, this plays somewhat into egoism ( which i mentioned above ), but he was also stepping out of line as a new club member. he should have had more manners as a first year towards everyone else, even his peers. tsukishima, conversely, was able to cooperate with the team in-games, but was offensive when talking to the other first years, & kiyoko always seemed to interpret him as feeling genuinely distasteful towards them.

the reason why i think unsportsmanlike conduct became so important to kiyoko is simply because she grew to appreciate volleyball & the work that went into “making a team.” because she also felt like part of that team & wanted to contribute to making it the best it could be ( atmosphere included ), anything that disrupted their relationship was something she couldn’t easily find forgiveness in. at the beginning of her third year she may have been a bit immature in thinking this way, because i think it had just dawned on her that she would be leaving in march & she wanted to find “belonging” in a positive place ... but she eventually grew to understand that kageyama & tsukishima were immature, too. i don’t think she ever excused their behavior, & she still probably dislikes the way they acted early on, but she’s come to accept it more. if she hadn’t it definitely would have disrupted their team’s dynamic, & she didn’t want to hold any grudges, because she thought “if i was able to grow to love this sport & find my place here, maybe they can learn to grow, too.”

#character study tag tba.#long post /#whew ok now i will dye my hair then i will write the kisses headcanon >:3c

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mwolf0epsilon · 4 years

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Do you have any bendy and the ink machine headcanons?

Boy Anon, do I ever! A lot of them are still under the works, so I'll focus on the characters that I've thought most about.

Joey, Henry, Sammy and Norman.

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[[MORE]]

--Joey Drew--

Came from a heavily Catholic and strict family that wanted him to either pursue a career in medicine or law. He had a rough time getting along with his family since they didn't encourage his creativity, and the religious beliefs they force-fed him from an early age had a bit of an impact on the themes he had an interest in.

Due to his background and bizarre interests Joey was a bit of a loner and misfit as a kid. Henry Stein was his only true friend since childhood, so Joey was a little protective of him. This protectiveness became an unhealthy possessiveness as they grew up.

He and Henry actually started the studios in their early thirties. Both were job hoppers for a while, adrift and unfulfilled. Once Joey figured out how to use their combined skills and creativity to make a profit, the nightmare that was Joey Drew Studios came into being.

Joey rejected Bendy's original design because he saw demons as entities of mischief and misfortune. The more cutesy kind smile simply didn't convey the chaotic energy Joey associated with such beings. Boris was also reworked to go from a naked intelligent wolf to a goofier/dumber one wearing overalls. Henry wasn't particularly happy with either change but went with it to please his friend.

Alice Angel and the Butcher Gang were also designed by Henry, but Joey disliked the idea of adding a female counterpart to the show, and wasn't particularly fond of the much nicer original concepts of Charley, Barley and Edgar. He would alter the concepts later on to better fit the themes he employed in the show.

Initially they worked alone but, when they began working on Boris' debut episode, Joey realized they needed something to add a certain flair to their work: Music and better filmwork. In a matter of weeks a team of two became a team of four with the hiring of Samuel Lawrence and Norman Polk.

Ever since Linda started dating Henry, Joey began feeling like his best pal wasn't giving 100% to the studio (and to Joey himself). As such he began to give Henry more and more work to ensure he devoted his attention to the cartoons. This ultimately lead to Henry quitting.

Joey was angry when Henry married Linda, thinking his friend had chosen "some girl" over their bond. He refused to go to their wedding due to this "betrayal" and has held a grudge since.

During the rise and decline of the studio, Joey went from charming his way out of trouble and into people's hearts, to downright criminally manipulative. The employees that managed to quit, often found themselves blacklisted from the work market, and those who stayed knew Joey could destroy them with the right words. It's why so many stayed in the end...

When the Ink Machine didn't work the way he wanted and he found himself stuck with the responsibility of fixing what he'd done, there had been a fraction of a chance for redemption on Joey's part. Joey considered giving his soul to the Ink Demon so it'd end the nightmare for good. However upon finding the wedding invitation Henry had sent him all those years ago, Joey had a change of heart for the worst. After all what soul could be better to fix the demon, than that of its original creator?

--Henry Stein--

Henry Stein didn't know what he was getting himself into when he met and befriended Joey Drew. He'd always been the soft-spoken friendlier of the two, so their dynamic as friends was pretty well rounded up, until Joey became obcessed with becoming successful, as well as his overprotective nature slowly evolving into a controlling possessiveness.

Henry came from a pretty average family. They weren't exactly well-off but there was never a day or night without food on the table. He grew up aware of the value of money and how to spend it wisely, a skill he never got to employ at the studio because Joey had full control of finances. He had a feeling the studio was doomed to flop and was actually quite surprised to hear it chugging along "just fine" after he'd left. The various scandals didn't surprise him.

Henry was a little hurt when Joey declined his invitation to his and Linda's wedding, but he assumed his childhood friend would get over it. He was terribly wrong.

His original concepts for Bendy and Co. were of a cute little devil trying to do good to ascend to heaven, a fatherly wolf that would help the little devil darling, an angel sent to test the devil's intentions as a moral compass, and a trio of friends that would often be a part of Bendy's various trials. Joey's redesigns and reworks of their roles never really agreed with him, especially when he made the kind Charley, amicable Barley, and playful Edgar into villains.

He was drafted to fight in the war and came back with a slightly paralyzed face. He's ashamed of the slightly permanent lopsided smile on his face, as he always thought of it as an ugly smirk and a reminder of things he'd much rather like to forget. His vision was also slightly damaged so he wears very thick glasses, and he has a slight limp.

Joey's letter gave him hope for rekindling their broken friendship. He really thought Joey had finally come around and given up on his childish grudge. He was horrifically mistaken.

Henry is 67 in-game. Coupled with his injuries from the war and you get an old tired man that can neither run fast or see too well. His stubbornness is the only thing keeping him alive and going, that and his desire to return to his wife and kids.

--Samuel Lawrence--

He was raised in the South by his very strict Catholic father, and his kindly mother. He ended up moving to the big city with his father at age 11, after his mother died of tuberculosis. His mother having been the kinder and more patient parent meant that Sammy didn't have much of a good influence growing up, as his father wasn't particularly abusive but had strongly bigoted views that rubbed off on him. His father remarried when Sammy was 24 and, although he had a strong dislike for his step-mother, he tried to be patient with her as per his father's wishes. This dislike grew into animosity when she'd berate him for the smallest things, like calling him a sissy for pursuing a musical career, or even the way he kept his hair. He was upset when she became pregnant with his younger step-sister, feeling like he'd be dragged into providing for his aging father, witch of a step-mother and a kid he might not even get along with.

Sammy was genuinely upset when his father passed away, as it meant he'd lost who he considered to be his true family. He was forced to spend more time with his step-mother, and often cared for his little sister as a result (growing very fond of her in the end). When his step-mother died in a freak accident, Sammy became his sister's official caregiver. A chore he felt had been forced upon him, but that he took on nontheless because he didn't feel right just dumping a two year old into an orphanage. It was the need to provide for himself and a baby that ultimately lead to him falling into Joey Drew's clutches.

Originally there were three other candidates for his position at the studio. Sammy was picked due to being younger and easier to manipulate.

Although not the easiest person to get along with, Sammy could be respectful when he tried. His upbringing made it very difficult to look past race and sexuality, but later on as his sister grew up she urged him to try being nicer to other people. This ultimately began to fail when the studio began to descend into madness, especially around the time Buddy was hired.

For his sister's seventh birthday Sammy made an odd request to one Shawn Flynn. He wanted to gift her a Bendy doll that didn't have the unnerving grin painted on. Shawn provided him with a doll that was a blend of Bendy and Boris, which Sammy's sister named Seamus the Singing Demon. That little doll's odd composition stuck with him, even if he can no longer remember it...

He had a very strange relationship with Norman Polk as a result of working closely with him. They weren't exactly friends, but one couldn't exactly call them enemies either. Sammy's upbringing made him unjustly ruder towards the older man, and Norman's own odd behaviour made him hard to trust. At the end of the day they had a sort of fragile respect for one another's work. This respect couldn't save Norman from his terrible fate however...

He knew Henry for less than a year but he respected his fellow content creator. Later on Sammy often wondered if the co-founder wouldn't have been the one more worthy of keeping the studio afloat.

His romance with Susie Campbell was genuinely beautiful. At first he found her cheery disposition to be annoying, but her respect and kindness towards him eventually grew on him. His affection towards her was noticeable in comparison to how he treated others, and Joey knew to exploit it later on. When Susie left, the already stressed and overworked Sammy was left further distraught and vulnerable due to his personal life slowly getting messed up as well.

Sammy's transformation can be considered an outlier within the twisted studio. He wasn't put through the Ink Machine like the others, having instead ingested the corrupted ink in a freak accident. The amount he swallowed wasn't enough to transform him, but it was just enough to alter his mindset like a parasite. At the urging on the ink he took to consuming more and more of it, until he transformed into an abomination that was neither man nor toon. If any of the studio's workers could have their changes reversed, Sammy is a good candidate as, perhaps, one could purge the tainted ink from his system.

Sammy has very rare moments of lucidity which he spends trying to recall his fading memories. This often leads to him reverting back more quickly because his inability to focus on them distressed him enough that he falls back into the ink's grasp.

Sammy doesn't eat the soup he stockpiles, even if he craves it. He can't stomach regular food anymore, as it upsets his inky stomach. If he were to try he'd end up getting violently sick. The contrary can be said for ink however, and he sustains himself on the stuff. His memory issues and loss of identity are likely linked the the copious amounts of ink he's still consuming on a daily basis. He's the easiest person for the ink to control.

--Norman Polk--

Norman liked to consider himself a lucky guy. He grew up in a pretty poor neighbourhood and had to scrape by to get his education. He was a clever individual and often considered a bright man. With enough hard work he felt like he made his relatives in Louisiana proud. Turns out Joey Drew didn't like bright individuals...

As one the oldest member of staff (he was 46 when he started working at the studio) he was often the voice of reason in the earlier days, alongside Henry. Most of the newer staff didn't mind him at first, but when Norman's odder behaviours became more noticeable people started finding him either creepy or hard to trust.

He butted heads with Sammy several times, disliking the younger man's racist comments towards him. Being forced to work together so closely and a little outside urging helped them kinda resolve that tension. But their truce was a fragile one that amounted to nothing when Sammy was driven insane by the ink.

He was married and had a daughter. In the current game timeline he has several grandkids. He also has several nieces and nephews, one of which is friends with Sammy's sister (much to the latter's initial dislike).

Out of the first core team, Norman considered Henry a friend, had a weird feeling about Joey, and bickered heavily with Sammy. Later on he grew to enjoy Wally's mischievous personality, Shawn's rambunctious self, Susie's sweet disposition, Jack's skittishness and Buddy's friendliness. He felt like he failed them when the studio went to hell.

As the Projectionist Norman is deaf and visually impaired, needing his light to see movement. He used to be able to talk with the speaker on his chest, but his screams for help eventually short-circuited it. Early on he wasn't aggressive towards other creatures, which proved to be an exploitable weakness. He became uncontrollably aggressive out of fear and being a constant target of other monsters.

Before the Ink Demon kills him in every cycle, Norman recognizes Henry inside the Little Miracle station.

#Bendy and the Ink Machine #Batim #Joey Drew #Henry Stein #Sammy Lawrence #Norman Polk #The Projectionist #Headcanons #Friend Anon

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botchbatch · 5 years

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Perks of Being a Wallflower Movie review: SPOILERS!

Perks of Being a Wallflower is an amazing coming-of-age film that does not fail to surprise me and touch topics that are usually swept under the rug for the sake of movie magic. Based off of the novel created by Stephen Chbosky, the movie really captures the childish and carefree nature that should come with growing up and not exactly wanting to fit in. It was raw, with real life problems and emotions. You’ve got gay characters suffering inner turmoils, self-esteem issues, child sexual harassment, anxiety, and panic attacks. The bohemian characters and the weird situations are what make high school, high school.

In this film we follow Charlie Kelmeckis, an awkward freshman who isn’t one for being in the spotlight-- a wallflower. After befriending two eccentric step-siblings, Sam and Patrick, at a football game, he finds himself being taken under the two seniors’ wings. With this friendship they teach him many things about opening up and trying new things for yourself, something that Charlie had not experienced up until then. As beautiful as the idea is, things like these always end up cracking under the pressure. Many problems arise, but in the end the film is supposed to give you the feeling of the roller-coaster that is life. Each member of this trio has their own story and problems, which make the film so compelling.

Charlie’s character has far more depth than what you’re led on to believe. Because of his lack of friends growing up-- the last best friend he had committed suicide-- he has trouble expressing himself and at times, let people use him because he doesn’t know how these relationships normally work. An example of this is when Patrick kisses him after his monologue due to the harsh breakup with his “boyfriend”. In this scene, Patrick is heartbroken and in the heat of the moment, kisses Charlie. The only reason Charlie didn’t get mad and kissed back was because he had assumed that it was just what friends did. He genuinely believed that letting people take advantage of him is a way of showing affection and is a normal aspect of a relationship. In no way was Patrick trying to take advantage of him-- as he had apologized profusely after, but it just goes to show how lost they both are. This mindset is clearly developed because of his aunt, who had used him as a child, and you can tell that it had stayed with him until high school. Due to this, he always puts others before himself.

One especially drilling scene is at the end when Charlie has a panic attack, which is described to be one of the most accurate film interpretations of one. After Sam and Patrick leave for college, Charlie is finally left with his thoughts, and having just learned how to live for himself, the pressure of his past start building up and turning on him. He begins to blame himself for his aunts death; a figure of authority who took advantage of him as a child. Of course, the police come before he attempts to harm himself in any way (as implied in him looking over at the knife rack). Though having grown so much, Charlie spirals down to a dark state of mind. I interpreted this scene as Charlie feeling too much. He’s upset about his best friends leaving and finds himself alone once again.

One friend that Charlie had made on his own was his English teacher, Mr. Anderson, who was the source to the popular quote, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Charlie repeats this once more to Sam as she tries to get over her boyfriend who had cheated on her. This really makes you feel for Charlie, who has been spending most of his life believing he isn’t worth enough for others, or only deems himself valuable if they could use him somehow. This mindset is why he seemed to relate to Sam so well, and upon comforting her about the topic, it also seemed like he was talking to himself.

Perks of Being a Wallflower is the kind of film that makes you feel, and touches your heart in its own way. You start to put yourself in their shoes, feeling awkward when Charlie looks around to see everyone already looking and judging him, or feeling free when you see Sam stick her head out of the car’s sunroof, letting the wind blow in her hair as a David Bowie song plays. What makes the movie so good is the spirit it brings, and the ability to relate to its audience. It’s a movie about love, healthy or unhealthy. And above all, the love you receive from your friends.

#the perks of being a wallflower #perks of being a wallflower #tpobaw #pobaw #movie review #english unit #for Powell to read

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kdsxxii · 5 years

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Open Letter.

Through my life I have hurt people. It think it is safe to say that everyone has hurt someone to some extent. I think through-out my life I have hurt people to protect myself, to keep myself from being hurt in return. In turn, this has always ended up hurting me in the long run. You tend to focus on your past to replay the reasons why things didn’t work out, why things played out the way they did. In order to understand why I am the way that I am, I have to go all the way back.

I was raised privileged, with everything I needed and more. I had a loving family, good friends, and tons of support. The things that not many people understand is the emotional impact your parents can have on you as a child. My parents both had a tough childhood, but my mom came out of hers showing her wounds a bit more than my dad. She was emotionally unable to accept love. She felt like she didn’t deserve it, which in turn left her to always have her walls up. Without getting into specifics, a lot of her bad habits ended up being bred into me. The feeling of not being good enough. Being scared of abandonment. Being scared of being vulnerable and accepting love.

As I grew up, I became obsessed with imitating my Dad. He was a successful hockey player, with the nice cars, good looks, and nothing ever seemed to phase him. I spent all my life trying to become him. To be careless in what people thought. To catch everyones eye when I walked in the room. To have everyone talk about what a good man I was, and how successful I was. The problem was, I also had a lot of my moms mindset bred into me. I judged my worth based on what others thought of me. I wanted to be the best looking in the room and was upset when people didn’t notice me. I wanted to have the best looking girl, make the best hockey team, etc. I wanted to show everyone how worthy I was. I was what professionals would call a perfectionist. This term in psychology means something different than the typical sense of being “perfect” For me it was trying to attain the unattainable, while constantly putting myself down. I began to tell myself I wasn’t good enough, that I would never be good enough. Even today, I have a very hard time giving myself credit for the things I have accomplished, because I still base my self worth off of other peoples opinions. My anxiety plans a large part in this. My mind tries to tell me that my friends aren’t really my friends. My mind tells me that everyone is talking about me, and most likely putting you down. My mind tells me that no matter what I do or say, I will never just be accepted for me.

As I grew up, this mindset became the most toxic in terms of relationships. I was constantly looking for the best looking girl I could find, and if I magically ended up dating her, I would look to see if I could find someone even better looking. This was my way of justifying my worth. I used to think this was just a trait of men, and that they constantly want the unattainable. As I grew up over the last few years I had to reflect on what I was really doing. I was pushing people away because I was scared. I was scared that they would do what I had always done; Find someone better looking, more successful than me., and run I would fear committing to anything, as I never really believed I deserved it. I wanted to cary on this facade that I was important, that I was relevant and popular. In the last year or so I repeated this bad habit. One day it finally happened, I found a girl who was everything I had wanted in someone. She had the same likes as me, good style, great looks, and was down to earth. During our few dates together, I started to get worried. I was scared that I would develop a real connection with them. As much as I would have liked to commit to them, my past bad habits came up and bit me in the ass.

I started to treat her badly: little jabs..putting her down very slightly, as to push her away. I would test the boundaries constantly without fully opening up or just enjoying her presence. I knew she would leave. She would realize how great she was, and that she could do better than me. I justified this to myself and made it easier on her to leave as I treated her poorly. During my time with her I was more worried about looking cool, or being relevant, than I was about just being myself and showing her all I had to offer. I eventually started to hangout with another girl., lets call her girl #2. Girl #2 was popular, had a great social media presence, and had a lot of interest in hanging out. So, the high school popularity contest began again. I started to hangout with this girl #2 more, and realized soon that she didn’t have anything on the one I was hanging out with prior. She was kind, and good looking, but that was basically it. Next thing I did was probably the dumbest thing I have done. I told the first girl, the one I knew was going to eventually leave me, that I just wanted to take a step back and be friends. I knew too well that that wasn’t going to end well. We were too similar, I knew she would take it as abandonment, and that things wouldn’t be the same. But at the time, I thought if things didn’t work out, that I could get her back one day. I didn’t know how wrong I was.

Over the last 6 months I started to really think about who I wanted to be as a person, and how I wanted to live my life. I started to get sick of this constant repetitive habit of finding someone good looking, then continue to look if I could do better. This habit made my nights mostly consist of thinking about all the good nice people I met growing up that I pushed away. So many great connections ruined because I was too scared to just be myself. I credit a lot of this recent transition to a book by Brene Brown. It is called “ The Power of Vulnerability”. It helped me understand that I wouldn’t truly ever be happy until I was okay in my own body. In my own mind. I had to think about the things that were actually important, and put the ones that weren’t in the back seat for a bit. The biggest realization I had, was that my self worth wasn’t decided by others. Its not cocky for me to give myself a pat on the back and tell myself that I’ve been doing well.

I wrote down the things that mattered most to me, and was surprised at the results. It didn’t contain hot girlfriend, or 6 pack and a nice car. It contained my family, my friends, my health, and my values. My values needed a bit of a rework. This took time, but has really improved over the last little bit. I began to act silly in public, with no fear of judgement. I began to go out without drinking and just focus on being myself. I spoke my mind without worrying that others would think less of me. I began being okay talking about my feelings and being open with those close to me. I cared less about social media, about being the most popular guy in the room. I learned that I was going to be judged regardless of what I did or who I was, and that I wanted to be judge for the real, ugly authentic person I really was. I took the stress of perfectionism off myself and started to show my true colours, the colours I wanted everyone I’ve ever met to see.

The point of this letter, is to apologize to the people I have hurt along the way. The people I have pushed away and treated poorly. And also to thank those people. Without them I never would have come to this point. Thank you for being real, being genuine, and forcing me to reflect on my unhealthy habits. Moving forward I’ve made a promise to myself. I promise to be vulnerable and dive in to things head first. I promise to be real in relationships, and treat them how they deserve. I promise to not be concerned about being too cool to hold a girls hand in public. Too cool to walk her to the door, or meet her parents. I promise to give them a chance, to open up without fear of rejection. I deserve to be happy. I deserve love and connection and I know I am capable of it. I can’t continue to move forward while living in my past, or convince others that I am not the person that they tried to get to know. I know I don’t have the ability to go back and change those things, but I do have control over what I do moving forward. My self worth is dictated by how I treat myself, the positive thoughts I feed myself. I know I am not yet where I want to be, but I am headed in the right direction, and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

KDS

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sominbiased · 6 years

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6 from the fluff prompts, either seuldy or sowoo, if you want!! thank you bby

Prompt: “Welcome Home”

[Pairing: Seulgi/ Wendy| Genre: fluff, confessions, warnings for slight mentions of ED but no unhealthy mindsets | Brigi I love u please take all this sappy stuff]

“Loneliness,I began to realise, was a populated place: a city in itself” – Olivia Laing

When Wendyfinally makes it out of the plane, the cool, crisp air hits her in the face andshe takes a deep breath. For a second, she almost misses the snow.

It snows inSeoul too, soft fluffy flakes lightly dusting the ground, but there’s somethingfundamentally different about the same weather in another city; some sort ofmetaphor about how places had personalities that seemed to bleed into theclimate. In Vancouver, it would snow relentlessly during the coldest nights,thick heavy sheets that blanketed everything and made it impossible to push thedoor open when she was a little kid. It was the kind of cold that chased you,seeped into the cracks of the buildings, made you wear socks even to bed andturn up the heating. It was the kind of weather that demanded attention, thatrequired every conversation to start with the words wow its really freezing today isn’t it?

She’salways had a funny relationship with snow. Back in Canada it had been thebiggest nuisance when she was a kid, forcing her to bundle up in layer afterlayer that eventually made her feel hot and suffocated, struggling to wadethrough mountains of the sparkling white power with her tiny frame that neverseemed to grow taller. Mostly, though,Wendy used to hate how the snow blanketed everything around her and cut her offfrom the rest of the outside world in their old family home. Sometimes duringearly mornings when everyone else was fast asleep, she used to peer out of thewindows with her hands pressed to the cold glass, watching the flakes swirlaround outside with an aching sense of loneliness that was too big and toostrong for someone so young.

Now inSeoul, she couldn’t cut herself off from the world if she tried. The air inSeoul buzzes with friction, cars honking endlessly, the subway making endlessloops, businessmen running frantically in the mornings and children heading offto their hogwans late into the night. Even the houses seem to get smaller andmore cramped every time she returns even if that’s not actually possible, thethin walls leaving everyone inevitably eavesdropping on each other. In Seoulthere is no feeling of infinity, of Wendy being swallowed whole by herfeelings. Instead there’s only the relentless drive to push herself further tothe breaking point, the intense pressure that can only come when everyonearound you seems to be working harder than you.

( It’s notperfect but when you’ve felt it long enough, loneliness could be comforting.There could be some real, genuine satisfaction in that mass anonymity, in aplace were you were known for nothing but your work. Wendy will take it, shethinks, as she unlocks the front door of her dorm, ready for to be confrontedby a freezing cold apartment covered indust and a todo list that will be miles long. It’s what she left home for. )

When sheunlocks her door and walks into her dorm though, the heating has already been turned upand the curtains are drawn, muffling the sounds of traffic outside. The dorm isusually cramped, but now even more so thanks to all the cardboard boxeslittered on the furniture and floor, as well as a bunch of grocery bags thrownon the table instead of stocked in the fridge. The shower isn’t running, butthe bathroom door has been left open and the room smells like the fruity scentof shampoo.

“Hey” saysSeulgi.

Wendysquints, trying to adjust to darkness and can just about make out a lump ofblankets she assumes is her roommate and fellow student Kang Seulgi.

(Andgirlfriend, if months and months of Seulgi flirting with her and Wendymisreading the signs and then one kiss and confession just before wintervacation qualifies as dating. Wendy isn’t sure how to have that conversationyet)

“Hey” shereplies, parking her meagre suitcase by the door, “did you seriously just cometo the dorm and then go to sleep?”

“Uh no”says Seulgi indignantly,though the last word turns into a yawn, which kind ofruins the indignation. “I took a shower, you know. And went grocery shopping”

“And forgotto put away the groceries” she retorts, face twisting into a fond smile despiteherself.

“How wasthe flight?” asks Seulgi, stretching luxuriously in her bed and clearly tryingto change the topic.

“Alright”replies Wendy. It was hell; there was a baby screaming for atleast eight hoursbut that doesn’t matter. Right now, she’s kind of awkwardly shifting from footto foot without trying to give that away because she’s tired and muddled and her eyes have adjusted to the darkness, so shecan see Seulgi’s face, mouth crinkled into one of her usual smiles and her faceall puffy and soft from sleep and it is…um…distracting. She doesn’t know whatto do with herself. She’s terrified ofsaying the wrong thing.

Seulgi humsthoughtfully, her voice raspier than usual from waking up. Then she sticks herarms out from under the blankets and makes grabby motions, gesturing for theother girl to join her.

Wendy feelsa small blush work its way onto her face despite her best efforts, stillslightly frozen to the spot. Seulgi makes a whining sound, wiggling her handsadorably and Wendy relents, kicking off her shoes and carefully draping her jacketon the head board before crawling into the space Seulgi’s left beside her. Itwas freezing cold back in Canada but right now its so warm, with the heat of Seulgi’s body and the three blankets she’swrapped tightly around them.

Cuddlingwith Seulgi is both comforting and nerve racking, long before they admitted thekind of feelings between them: it’s just so much close proximity, the two of them pressed tightly against oneanother, Seulgi’s chest right upto hers and their legs wrapped around eachother. She smells like shampoo and her skin is soft and warm in the kind of wayit can be when you’ve just woken up. Wendy can feel her body struggling to meltinto it and tense up at the same time.

Seulginotices, because she’s always noticed Wendy, long before the other girl thoughtthere was even a sliver of chance that the great Kang Seulgi would even thinkof her as a friend, and she smooths Wendy’s bangs away from her forehead,shifting away a little so that Wendy can get space.

“We didn’treally talk about what happened before you left, did we?” she says.

(Here’s howit went: Wendy arrived in Korea and was given a student accommodation with abubbly, bright dance major named Seulgi who seemed to single handedly be themost popular student on campus. Wendy had liked her obviously, subtly fallenfor her the way every single male student seemed to, but college wasdisorienting and overwhelming even without the element of Wendy adjustingawkwardly to cultural and language differences. As the weeks past, she’d made a few friends,and was beloved by most of the professors, even on the days she didn’t havebaked goods to give them, but Seulgi-almost too beautiful to be real Seulgi-had turned into the kind of roommate that seemed to care almost as much asfamily members in those movies Wendy had grown up on as a kid. She’d gentlywake up Wendy on the mornings where she’d sleep through her alarm, leave herbreakfast on the kitchen table, and approach her late night with softsuggestions to sleep. She’d invite her out for fun nights and plan for both ofthem to watch movies together, cuddled up in one bed like teenagers. Wendy didn’treally cry when she was sad, didn’t like to show that she was down, but Seulgifelt everything unabashedly and honestly, and more that once or twice Wendy hadheld her close to her chest, stroking her hair, reassuring her that it wasgoing to be fine after specially harsh feedback. It’s a strange thing to admit,but it was a while before Wendy realized that this was what genuine connectionsfelt like, that it wasn’t another person who’d be happy to hang around for thefirst few days before inevitably getting dissolved into their own real friendgroups.

Seulgiintroduced Wendy to her own little group of friends, all brilliant and talentedlike she was, and somehow, Wendy fit right in, enjoying her own quiet time withJoohyun, fooling around with Soonyoung, and helping Yeri through her homeworkwhile the girl fretted about exams. The semester had gotten easier, somethinghad loosened up in her chest after and Wendy had a regular list ofacquaintances to hit up after that but Seulgi still remained the first personshe wanted to spend all her time with, and both of them had jumped headfirstinto the confusing, dizzying heights that came with adulthood, the person thatshe left with for ramen at three am in the morning.

When Seulgiasked her out, it wasn’t an impulsive, late night thing though. Wendy had beenpacking, arranging everything neatly on her bed, when Seulgi had gotten up andstood next to her, hands clasped nervously. “I want to tell you something” shewhispered, and then instead leaned forward and kissed her on the mouth, a soft,nervous peck. Wendy had dropped the clothes she was holding, kissed her back,and then she had to get on a plane and not see her for the next three weeks)

“You sentme a text that was like three paragraphs long trying to assure me that nothinghad to change if I didn’t want it to” says Seulgi, chuckling slightly.

“In mydefense, I was drunk” protested Wendy, still remembering sitting on the floorof her family bathroom, ignoring the Christmas party going on downstairs andsquinting at her autocorrect. “And-and”-she’s stammering again, fucking hell-“Imean, I do mean it, nothing has to change if you don’t want it to or anything,three weeks is a really long time to think about things, I mean, I care aboutyou deeply and your comfort comes first so-“

Seulgismooths down her hair again, looking at her with the kind of pinched expressionon her face, like what she’s saying hurts to hear in a way. “You’re so kindWendy” she says, warm breath tickling her face. It makes her shiver. “But rightnow, you don’t have to be. Do you want to date me?”

Wendy feelsher face go hot. It’s not really a sad moment, in fact its one of those momentsthat should make her scream and jumpwith joy if she watched it on a movie, but she feels tears prick the corner ofher eyes even though she’s not sure why. “Yes” she confesses, and it’s the firsttime she’s put those feelings into words. It makes her throat go warm and itchy. “I would-would like to I mean I’vewanted to for a long time but I’m-I’m not, like, um in tip top condition and I’dprobably be really bad at it so sorry about that in advance I mean-“

Seulgikisses her to make her shut up. Wendy makes an embarrassing squealing sound.

“Sometimes,during the first year of college, you’d scare me” says Seulgi, and it’s aconfession too, just not the kind that gets recorded in most movies. “You’dcome over in the night, after a whole day of working nonstop, and you’d stillbe moving, cleaning, cooking, but your eyes would be completely dead. And youwere so alone, coming all the way from Canada, with no friends, and it scaredme, I didn’t know what do in the beginning, so I didn’t say anything- “

“-You didn’thave to say anything. You didn’t-it wasn’t your fault or anything, in fact itwasn’t anyone’s fault. I just…..I just had things to deal with”

Seulgi’sstill looking at her with furrowed brows, so Wendy leans forward and kisses heragain. “Being here has helped so much” she whispers into Seulgi’s skin, “beinghere, I can’t-I don’t have the words for it yet but it helps so much”

There are alot of things that Wendy used to convince herself Seulgi would never beinterested, most of all the fact that she’s ill, and the kind of illnesses thatother people don’t like acknowledge, let alone talk about. Being back in Canadawas like trying to navigate a tightrope of feelings and should nots, it wasendless questions about how much or how little she was eating, about how sheshould and shouldn’t have left, about all the things she’d missed since she’d beengone. It was family dinners where all she could hear was the sound of forks andknives scraping the plate and trying to pretend she didn’t miss the taste ofeating ramen at midnight when both of them were too exhausted to thinkstraight. It was spending hours in her bedroom with the door shut and fallingasleep at odd hours of the day

A questionthat both Wendy and Seulgi would have laughed at one semester ago: where didfeelings go when you’d spent your whole life trying to crush them out ofoblivion, bury them deep down?

Wendy usedto think they turned could disappear, melt away like the snow in Seoul, andthat given enough time, everyone would forget about them when spring emerged,flowers blooming to cover up the bruises. Instead, she’d learned the hard waythat they turned rock hard and settled into her throat and chest, bubbled upinconveniently in the form of tears late in the night and panic attacks duringher worst moments. All those issues that she’d been convinced she was over hadtaken her by surprise, showed up in odd corners and alleys, held her down, and Wendy’dlearned the hard way that feelings demanded to be felt, that there was no pointpretending otherwise. It hurts, but it also feels so much more honest. Like themoment in spring when the snow began to melt into slush and it was nowhere asbeautiful, but there was also nowhere to hide, all the cracks in the Earth laidbare to see.

“I know youdon’t like to talk about Canada” says Seulgi, lips pressed faintly on the skinof Wendy’s shoulder, her hands stroking Wendy’s back aimlessly, reassuringly. “AndI know you overthink things a lot. But even if its hard, just remember youdon’t have to worry when you’re with me”

After solong of being deprived of it, it’s hard to recognize that feeling thrumming inher chest, melting her bones and causing something warm to bloom in herstomach: happiness. It’s been so longsince she felt a sense of belonging, of that bone deep feeling of contentment,to the point where she’s slightly afraid of that feeling, but Seulgi gentlytugs her closer and presses a soft kiss to her forehead and Wendy’s buries herface into the crook of her neck almost like she’s compelled. She thinks shemight give up everything she had for Seulgi if the other girl wanted her to.She thinks she’s not ready to put that into words. Atleast not yet. But she can kiss the dip where her neck meetsher shoulder, gently trace soft skin on her stomach, and lie in the darktogether.

“Do youthink our laundry machines are broken again?” Wendy says, because she wasmusing about how the maintenance are probably late again on the taxi ride home,and weirdly enough, it’s the only thing she can bring herself to say.

“Aren’t they ever year?” Seulgi is probablyrolling her eyes, and Wendy can’t bring herself to turn around and check, toobusy blinking away the last of her tears, but she kisses the soft skin as kindof a way to communicate anyway, to tell someone she loves them in messagestransmitted through skin.

“Welcomehome” whispers Seulgi, kissing her forehead. And she’s right. Wendy’s home now.The rest can wait.

#wendynasty #red velvet fic #red velvet scenarios #seulgi x wendy #seuldy #red velvet #my fic #updates #gay culture is getting prompts in january #and then sstaying up till 3 am in the morning finishing them bc ur friend is sad #ily

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leaflovescloud · 3 years

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Late night thoughts

Hi there, my safe space.

I’m actually a little tired right now, after a long day at work, not sure if I was being 100% productive, but I guess it’s not too bad. I guess nature cereal really helps.

I just want to spend some time with myself, in this safe space. I guess being able to rely on this safe space kind of gave me some form of relieves as well. Like it is the only space where I can air out my thoughts without being judged, without any defensive reply, without having to be hurt / vulnerable.

Other than relationship, I think I’m also seriously worrying about my future. I guess I really just don’t know if law is for me. I do enjoy doing it, sometimes I guess. But I really don’t see myself doing it every single day for the next few years, I know I will be worn out for sure. The amount of dedication and attention that I have to commit, it’s tiring. And I’m not sure if I would like try out in house either.

Que sera sera.

I will just listen to the universe, follow where it leads me. Sounds very submissive huh? Because I really don’t know what I should do.

Maybe I should start by exploring my interest, then I realized I have none LOL. I’m just a really boring person, I guess.

And one thing I find it a little unhealthy is that - I pretty much find my value through working harder and performing well. Not sure if I should put such heavy reliance on it but that’s what it is at this point.

So say if one day I’m not working anymore, it is very likely that I may think that I’m unworthy and of no value, which I really don’t think I should have this kind of mindset.

With that being said, I really hope I can find my worth, not only through work, but also from the within, I want to be able to love myself, like every single part of myself. Also, I wish I could be more confident in time to come, which I find myself slowly improving. I started to voice it out more, share my thought even though there is a chance that I’m wrong. But it doesn’t matter even if I am, it actually makes me learn better as well.

Speaking about work, I’m really worried about cash flow as well. At least I really don’t want to be in a situation where I chew more than I can bite. I know with the upcoming liabilities / burden in my new studio and car, it’s gonna cost me a chunk of cash. For this, I really wish I can be more mindful in my spending and money would find its way to me. I guess I need to do some planning, but I have no one to go to.

And yeah, sometimes I wish I’m born in a wealthy household, with a silver spoon and clothe with privilege. But I guess I’m not complaining as well, the fact that I’m not. I’m forever grateful for what I have, I know it must be very hard for my parents to raise both of my sister and I. They literally started from zero and no matter how hard the situation is, they tried their best to support us. At least for my time, I think I was a bit fortunate as my parents had one less burden of their shoulder, when my sister graduated university.

I had the opportunity to travel overseas with them. We have been to Taiwan, Shanghai and Eastern Europe. All these, are not something that had ever appeared in my mind before because I simply knew we are not going to afford it. More so, my mum being so tight on her own finances, actually paid for my trip to New Zealand, just to make sure that I will be happy.

Sure, in many aspects, they are not the best parents ever. But I simply do not blame them. They didn’t have the opportunity to experience different cultures where their mindset are pretty much still in the 80s. And that’s okay. Deep inside, I just know they love me very much even though it may not be that form of love that I’m seeking for. But I just understand, I just understand.

All I’m asking for is for both of them to be healthy and happy. To be at least contented with their life, to be able to live together peacefully. It has been a long way.

For me myself, I see myself growing up as well. I’m already 26 years old this year. Time indeed flies. I have learned a lot, in terms of work, life and relationship.

For work, I don’t know, I feel like at this point, I’m just fortunate because I don’t have to work for certain people. The challenges will come when I am to work for those people again. I really don’t like when I’m being bullied by them. Because this toxicity at work place simply should not exist and should not be condoned. But things got a little bit out of control because nobody is doing something. Anyways, the way they handle things or even treat their colleagues / staff just say so much about them. And I vowed not to follow their footsteps and I aspired to make a change about it. Perhaps my vision may not overcome it all, certainly, some people will take advantage, but at the very least, I wish to create a comfortable working environment to all, where everyone is treated with respect. We are now in 21st century, superiority should not be an excuse to torture your co-worker. We should have similar goals, which is to act in the best interest of our company and to get things done. I’m really manifesting this with the hope to make a change. And I hope the universe will lead me to where I belong.

For life / relationship. Sure, I’m undergoing some difficulties right now. Not sure if the situation is worsen because of the MCO, but yeah, things have been difficult. But I guess at the same time I am also just trying to work on myself, and be more understanding. At this point, I’m just holding on, but again, I don’t see myself with this person in the future. There is just this thing where I just don’t, feel it and see it. The level of comfort is not there anymore. Every time I am just thinking “Am I doing this right?” “Am I saying the right thing?”. Essentially, I’m just not myself anymore.

Whatever I do, for example like being a little ‘manja’ just made me feel unnecessary, because I’m not sure what is the receiving end thinking. This is really bad LOL. I guess that’s why, I just don’t do anything anymore, because it’s not that what I do is what he needs anyway. My way of expressing love is simply not what he needs.

And if i were to put myself in his position, I would be struggling as well. Because not able to get your desire fulfilled and basically not able to be contented emotionally. I didn’t realize how these factors play a huge role in a relationship, but now I do and I accept it.

And I said many times, I used to think love overcomes it all, but it simply doesn’t. There are just too many factors that play a huge role as well and it’s not for me to overlook it. I was too simplistic, certainly. I would like to work on myself , but unfortunately, not with Chris. He deserves better. I don’t think at my level I will be able to fulfill what he wants.

The day is getting closer. Slowly, it will be the end of July and it will be time for me to bid goodbye to all these.

I guess quite apart from what I have with Chris, it’s a bit difficult to just leave his parents and brother. They have been quite a part of our relationship where they genuinely treat me like their own daughter. More importantly, they were there for me during my lowest time. It’s just difficult, because I will forever owe them. And I am really unsure of how I’m going to repay them.

Dear Universe, I leave it to you. If you do think we are a good fit for each other, I believe you will do your magic and lead us to the right path.

Let’s talk about my mental health.

Quite apart from relationship issues, I think I have been healing quite effectively. Honestly, I didn’t think I will be able to leave all those memories behind so quickly. I guess in a way, going back to the office did speed up the process. Even though I went back to the office for different reasons which I shall not dwell on that. Right now, I’m able to think of the incident with a rather calm and accepting mind, and focusing on the positive side of things, i.e. I am still alive, I am healthy, I am able to move around and walk again etc. I guess in this sense, I’m truly grateful because I simply can’t imagine if things go otherwise. For this, I would like to believe that the universe is trying to convey a message to me. Of course, what the message is, it depends on what I have deciphered. May be it’s one of those things:

(i) Life is short, very short. Live your live and don’t ever do things that you will regret one day.

(ii) Live everyday as if it is your last. Cliche as it sounds, but for far too many times, I just thought, ‘What if it took my life that night?’

(iii) Be cheerful and live life with a purpose.

(iv) Be strong and protect yourself.

(v) To express your love, not in the way best suited myself, but also to understand from the other side, what do they need.

(vi) What I think it’s okay may not be okay for the other person.

Oh ya, I thought of another issue - me being emotional unavailable. I’m not sure its actual definition in real life but I guess I fit most of the criteria, i.e. being evasive and have the tendency to run away from problems.

I guess my old defence mechanism works when I’m single, but surely it doesn’t work when I have another person to account to as well. I used to just shut down, and it helps and it works because in any event, it won’t cast any effect on third parties.

And perhaps, I should not have the unrealistic expectations that someone, especially my boyfriend should always be responsible of my own emotion. That would lead to co-dependent relationship, which is unhealthy.

Probably there are still a few more, but for the purposes of tonight, that should be it. And I feel so much better, like, I feel nice doing it especially before sleeping. It’s like a mind decluttering exercise. And I feel peaceful. A little bit contented.

Lastly, I pray that this covid situation will be better soon, please.

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mewatchingstuff · 6 years

Text

ship analysis (spoilers for s2)

I've been spending my social media time on twitter and Facebook these last few days and engaging with the timeless fandom on there. It's amazing how different the fanbase is from app to app. But I noticed both have been trying to distract themselves from renewal stress by starting polls and discussion threads. A couple of the threads shared in idea, was a Garcy or Lyatt thread. All very simple and respectable in responses and all offering their opinions on both ships. But both discussions had a comparison of what a "healthy" relationship for Lucy should be. It's interesting points made on both sides and it did make me look at the wider difference between each man and their relationship to Lucy. I didn't bother to write my own opinion at the time because I was too preoccupied monitoring the tv media sites for news on all my shows, lol. So I think that I'm going to share my views here.

I'll start with Garcy.

Garcia Flynn and Lucy Preston were adversaries for most of season one and while we know how much Flynn valued Lucy -enough to take time nearly every episode to try recruiting her to his side- he still was her enemy and treated her as such. He held her hostage, choked and threw her out of his way, kidnapped her and was even going to let her disappear from time just to stop Rittenhouse. There may have been valid reasons within context for most that stuff but a reason is not an excuse. That's something I try to keep in mind with all my fandoms especially ones with morally ambiguous characters who make not-so-morally-ambiguous decisions. Flynn should be held responsible for his actions against Lucy even if there are explanations for those actions. The explanations do not erase what he has done but, well, explains it.

So, I believe there is a validity to when someone says they can't or won't ship garcy because of those things. It's more than understandable to not want to forgive a character for doing those things to another character.

I believe Garcy is a good ship with a dark past. You don't forget what happened but you can still see the merit in them going forward. Season two has what the ship needed, and what Flynn wanted, from the start, Garcy working together to take down Rittenhouse. They are no longer physical or ideological adversaries. They are of one mindset and one mission, stop Rittenhouse and save their families. From this, we can finally see in depth the way in which Flynn cares for and respects Lucy. Before, it was all hidden underneath context, pleading eyes and soft voices while they had their one or two minutes alone with each other every episode. Now we can see Flynn actively be there with and for Lucy. He's where he needs to be, on the time teams side and the garcy ship is on a course correct.

Garcy may have had its bumps and bruises but Garcia Flynn has always held a great deal of respect and admiration for Lucy Preston. I'm sure it will only grow from here on out.

Finally, we have Lyatt.

This was the cute, if not obvious, ship that the show positioned to be Lucy's main ship. While I always enjoyed them and they do have a decent enough chemistry, I was never much of a head-over-heels in love with them shipper. I felt like Wyatt was still mentally and emotionally married to his wife and Lucy was just looking to escape the loneliness and isolation she felt as a time traveler by being with the only other single person she knew would understand her strange new job/life. Don't get me wrong, these two have a genuine affection for each other and that's more than clear. But I could never shake off the feeling that they got together because they only had each other in that situation. I mean, look at it this way, if Lucy met and got to know each other without the looming threat of Rittenhouse and time traveling danger that could kill them at any moment, would they still be Lyatt? Would they still have these, apparently, super strong feelings for each other after like 6 months of knowing each other? Or would they go on a few dates and then move on? Okay, I've fallen a bit off path but trust me this is going somewhere.

Lyatt started off as the cute unproblematic ship but season two sunk it in more ways than one. We knew from Wyatt's recollection of his marriage to Jessica in season one that he was not the best husband to her. He would get possessive and jealous and start arguments with her and was basically a jerk. It wasn't that noticeable at first because he was supposed to be the wounded soldier with regrets but you can see how those aspects of his character pop up from time to time. Season two just made them even more obvious. I spent half the season defending Wyatt while slowly falling out of love with his character. Episode 2x07 finally just killed my love altogether. Wyatt Logan has become the emotionally abusive ex boyfriend who makes everything about him and will guilt people into feeling sorry for him when he fucks up their life.

Wyatt used both Jessica and Lucy this season. He used Lucy and became upset with her whenever she was not pinning over him, allowing him to take advantage of her personal space or when she stood up for herself against his behavior. He puts on a sad puppy dog face and bats his eyelashes while explaining how hard this is for him too. But the truth is Wyatt made every single decision, he called it off with Lucy, he begged Jessica for another chance, he brought her to the bunker, and he tried to keep Lucy close because it's what he wanted. He gave not a thought to what the other women wanted or were going through yet he wants to claim how hard it is for HIM when he's confronted with the truth. He's selfish and egotistical but in a way where you don't fully recognize it until you take a deeper look at him without the emotional baggage of liking the character weighing down on your thoughts and subconsciously blinding you to his faults.

The truth is Wyatt doesn't deserve Lucy at this point and it doesn't matter if Jessica turns out to be a "villain" or not. She doesn't have powers of mind control. Wyatt made the first moves and Jessica reacted to them. The way his relationship turned sour with Lucy and the way he behaved is ALL on him. Getting rid of Jessica won't change any of that. Wyatt is not emotionally mature or stable enough to sustain a healthy relationship. This is literally his 2nd strike. First time was with original Jessica and now Lucy has been made a victim of his emotional manipulation. Wyatt needs to grow on his own from now on. Lucy can't be his "saviour" anymore because what is she really getting out of this? How can she trust someone who can be this thoughtless and inconsiderate of her feelings? Why does she need to heal someone else when she's in pain herself?

I can't see a happy future Lyatt if Wyatt's actions are brushed away with him saying "sorry" and Jessica being evil. He needs actual development and growth not a get out of jail free card.

So for me Garcy and Lyatt are mirror opposite of each other. Garcy started off as dark and problematic but has grown to be relatively healthy for both characters involved. Lyatt started off as cute and unproblematic but became emotionally unhealthy and detrimental to Lucy's stability and well-being.

Ultimately, I ship Lucy with happiness and wouldn't mind if she was alone for awhile. I ship the other two with personal growth. But romantically I fall more towards Garcy because of how it's been played and where it can go from here. I don't think much of anything will change my mind about Wyatt unless he goes through extensive therapy or it's revealed that he was replaced by an evil doppelganger at one point.

#timeless #long post #garcy #anti-lyatt #I guess that would be the most appropriate tag for it?#Ship analysis

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spacebetweenthespaces · 5 years

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2/22/19

I fucked up.

I think part of the way I can keep myself wanting to get up every day is by re-embracing (I say re-embrace as this was a state of mind I clung to and followed dutifully for a few years in my early 20s) the desire, the need, the want, the necessity of evolving as a person, a human being for the better, progressing in even the smallest of ways on a consistent, daily basis. When I abandon this lifestyle philosophy I find myself lost, aimless, desireless, and seeping into sadness without anything to grab onto to steady my drop. None of that is something a person would cling to, aimlessness, emptiness, and yet I can at times live in a way reflective of someone in love with her depression. I’ve found these are feelings and states of being that need to be avoided at all costs and that generally, if I direct my energy purposefully, it is in fact possible to avoid them but if I lose focus even for a second, if I am not deliberate in my actions, these mindsets find me almost instantaneously. They can smell my scent like sharks in the water.

A way that I’ve decided is necessary for me to progress and grow as a human, an area of focus that I want to stay especially on top of is the way I handle my depression. I feed my depression in the most unhealthiest of ways, I binge watch TV in a way where I’m not actively participating in the art form anymore. I sleep as much as possible purposefully to avoid any thought or feeling from crossing my path. I binge eat unhealthy food to reach a sort of comatose state of existence. I binge on negative thoughts, I ignore impending deadlines, I isolate myself in shame, I tread lightly on the scope of existence and then binge social media to show myself how unworthy I am, how much my life is not in the place it should be, to show myself how easy it has been for others to overcome and be in places in their life I haven’t been able to achieve.

Monday and Tuesday were rough for me emotionally and even physically I felt the way I did from an emotional standpoint and that’s always the worst to deal with. The double whamy. Fragile, lethargic, missing pieces in places. When my physical state reflects my emotional state, it’s hard to feel inclined to push forward, it almost hurts to do the things required to move past this moment and into the next a stronger, healthier person. I drank champagne with money I shouldn’t have spent, I slept for hours on end, awaking each morning with disdain for sunlight, spending each day yearning for the moon to rise and the stars to shine because that’s when I knew it was at least socially acceptable (I spent all day in bed but guilt ridden) to climb back into my bed. I’ve been trying to cultivate the habit of gratitude because it’s not just something they say will enhance your life, it truly does enrich your overall well-being if it’s a habit you create authentically. I know this because it’s something for a while that became innate to me after practicing over months, thinking it to be just self-help bullshit that can’t truly alter your life, it was just something people said to make themselves feel like there was a solution to their problems like the multitude of other things ‘people say’ to not feel hopeless to the disease of being a human being. Practicing genuine gratitude every day will eventually create this innate graciousness and appreciation within you that is natural and your perspective and scope of your life really do alter for the better, for the best. I felt grateful for nightfall and that’s all I could come up with and that’s not the way gratitude works. Gratitude for the end is not appreciation of this living, breathing mechanism called life.

I came out of this by just letting it pass. Of course, Wednesday morning I had to pick myself up from the boot straps and carry forward and stay out of bed for the duration of an entire day but by this point I wasn’t in the thick of the muck any longer. Some of it had subsided. I want to be able to stop wasting entire days of my life like this. Two days out of my week are essentially gone and I can’t get them back. The entire world can’t come to a halt every time I feel like I can’t get up in the morning. I have to find a way around this. For every step forward I take, these days in which I allow myself to fall victim to the bullshit set me back if not more so then equal to the amount of progress I’ve made. It’s why I come to a standstill in my life in the way of progression, change, evolvement.

So this is me being accountable. I fucked up this week. Today, I’m good. I’m a solid good, no wavering tone in my voice but these feelings, this state of mind, it doesn’t account for how I feel today. It’s just as likely to show up at my house bright and early tomorrow morning for all I know, its visits are always unannounced.

I need to go forward and actually do those things in my moments, days of weakness, exercise, art, read, reach out to someone else and engage socially, just DO something knowing it will probably feel like shit while I do it but at least I’m progressing. Whether I learn something new, discover a new feeling, have a new thought, strengthen my calves, expand the conciousness of my creativity, even if it feels like shit the entire fucking time as I’m sure it will, I will be doing myself a favor, a service that in the long run will pay off, in the long run will actually give me a return on my efforts and take me from one plane of existence to the next.

Here’s to feeling good today and to the hope that the next time I’m at a crossroads (i.e. within the next few days or so) I decide to remember the importance -- fuck importance, MY desire and my actual personal WANT to become better every day, to constantly be changing and growing and building upon what strengths I do have regardless of their stature and that I remember this is truly the only way to live. The only way I can live without drowning. I truly believe that happiness is simply a state of living that aligns with your wants and desires personally as a human being and when we live outside of that, when we live a life that contradicts who we are, there is no way to find happiness. Happiness is a real, tangible thing. My definition of happiness is possible, I have to stop holding myself back from it as if it’s this unattainable myth passed down through a generation of fables and tall tales.

xoxo

#mental health #depression #health #lifestyle #philosophy #thoughts

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yandere-daydreams · 4 years

Text

Kinktober - Day Twenty

Prompt: Animal Ears + Birthday Sex

Pairing: Satan/Reader (Obey Me)

TW: Blood, Graphic Violence, Biting, Scratching, Jealousy, Unhealthy Mindsets, and Mentions of Alcohol.

You should’ve known sneaking out of Satan’s party wouldn’t be so easy.

Or, you should’ve known it wouldn’t be so guiltless, at least. He’d never been one for crowds, and you wanted to do whatever you could to make his birthday as fun as it could be, but his brothers put so much effort into the event, and while you doubted any of them were genuinely mad that you’d slipped away, you should’ve known they wouldn’t be happy to find you both unconscious and sprawled across the library, a book of angelic, romantic poetry in his hands and an empty bottle of something bitter and wonderful in yours. You should’ve known they wouldn’t be happy, you should’ve known they’d do something to get back at you, but…

You hadn’t expected it to be so cute.

And soft. Cute, and soft, and adorable, a pair of cat-like ears covered in blonde fur that seemed to grow more irresistible every time they twitched and flicked and did something that made you want to pull him into your chest and pet him like you’d never be able to again. It must’ve been Belphegor’s work, no one else would bother to be so thorough. There was a tail, too, lean and overly alert as it tried to decide between curling around his leg or smacking against your side, and when you woke him up, tugging on his shirt to let him know what’d happened, there was a faint, almost inaudible ‘mrrr’ that had your heart clenching your chest as he blearily tried to open his eyes.

“You alright, birthday boy” You asked, your voice as sympathetic as you could manage. Beelzebub or Lucifer must’ve moved you, because when you bothered to glance past his new additions, you were no longer lying on the stiff floor of Satan’s second-favorite sanctuary. Instead, you were in his room, his mattress dipping under your weight as you leaned over him, one of your hands idly brushing his hair away from his face as you spoke. “I think Belphie’s a little mad at us, but it’s alright. I’m sure we can find a spell to turn you back.” You paused, watching as he reflexively arched his back, inadvertently pushing himself into palm. “Eventually.”

“(Y/n)?” His voice was heavy, interrupted by a light yawn. He spent a moment stretching, barely bothering to stifle an incoherent mummer before his attention came to rest on you, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. You didn’t try to resist as a strong arm draped itself around your neck, pulling you down just far enough for Satan to bury his face in the crook of your neck, an unabashed purr reverberating against your chest as soon as he made contact. “You…” Another tug, this one to your waist, urging you to collapse on top of him. “You smell really nice.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. The tip of his ear brushed against your cheek, and without thinking, you reached up, scratching at its base while Satan melted into your chest. “And you smell like cheap booze,” You chuckled, making a half-hearted attempt to push him away. “C’mon, we need to get you fixed. You’re not gonna like it if you’re still a walking, talking fetish when you sober up.”

Despite your complaints, he didn’t let go. If anything, he clung to you tighter, his fingertips digging into your hip and the tired smile he wore soon replaced with a small, acute frown, a pout. It was something Satan never would’ve done if he was in his right mind, it was something he never would’ve done if he knew what he was doing, and that was enough to make your blood run cold, every trace of hope you had for prolonging his affliction disappearing in a matter of seconds.

This time, you didn’t try to nudge him away, you shoved, but Satan only nuzzled into you, his hold stead-fast and every movement so uncoordinated, so instinctive, you were beginning to think dealing with his wrath would be the least of your problems, tomorrow. “You smell really, really nice,” He mumbled, his lips barely moving against your skin. “You’re… you’re going to ask the others for help if I let you go, right? You’re going to leave me all alone, if I let you, and you’ll go running to them.”

Somehow, you couldn’t bring yourself to be charmed when his tail straightened, his fur bristling a little more aggressively every time you squirmed in his grip. “It’ll only be for a few minutes,” You tried, taking him by the shoulders. “You can come with me, if you want to. I just have to find something that’ll change you back.”

He went quiet, and for a moment, you almost thought he’d come to his senses. You almost thought this wouldn’t have to go any further than it already had, that it wouldn’t get worse than it already was. Unlike everything else the brothers put you through, unlike everything else he put you through, this could stop now, and you’d be able to brush it off and scold Belphegor until he undid whatever misleading curse he’d casted and offered you an apology he didn’t really mean, and Satan could blush and excuse his actions and you could forget he was ever so clingy.

You almost thought he might, but then, his teeth sunk into your neck, and you wondered why you’d ever had so much faith in him.

His canines were sharp, shaper than they should’ve been, pointed and keen and just curved enough to get caught in your flesh as he tried to pull away, something ripping until you could feel blood dripping down your neck, pooling at your collarbone only to be licked away by a tongue that was just a little too rough, a little too eager. You pursed your lips, muffling a would-be scream into little more than a hum of discomfort, but Satan didn’t seem to care for your repressed reaction. In the blink of an eye, he was on top of you, straddling your waist and forcing your chest flush against the bed as his hands found your shoulder-blades, his touch no longer gentle, no longer affectionate. Instead, you were met with hot, searing pain as rows of hooked claws tore through your shirt, embedding themselves in your back and shredding through skin and muscle and everything. It wasn’t a choice, this time - you could’ve screamed until your lungs burnt, but Satan took you by the back of the head, forcing your face into the sheets before anyone else could hear you, before anyone could help.

That was, if anyone would help. You’d been so wrapped up in Satan’s punishment, you’d managed to forget about your own. The others must’ve thought this was fitting.

They must’ve thought you deserved to suffer by the hand of the brother you’d so heartlessly picked over the rest.

“You said you’d spend the rest of the day with me. I’m not sharing on my own fucking birthday.” He was growling, now, the noise throaty, threatening. It was all impulse, all dark, twisted feelings he should know better than to let boil to the surface, but there was something else underneath it. Not joy, but close to it. Delight. Satisfaction.

The contentment that came with knowing he was going get everything he wanted, tonight.

“I’m not letting you leave this room until I decide you’ve had enough.”

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outsidermagazine · 3 years

Text

The danger of let yourself be carried by the entertainment industry

It's sunday night and sundays are made for us to take rest.

I made a pact with myself that I would take sundays off to do nothing but self-care routine and give myself rest, only.

Something quite fair and more than necessary in this time, times which we live now. One of the greatest acts of love we could ever do to ourselves. Well, not everyone thinks like that, too bad...

Well, the fact is: not long ago I learned in the hard way that either I focus my attention on my physical, mental and spiritual body, or I won't survive alive this year, which led me to make very important and sensible decisions such as choosing well what to spend my time on and how well to use it.

Yeah, it took me many years to really understand (I'm still learning) that time is my most valuable resource. Our most valuable resource! It is given to use wisely but what do we do instead? Well, I'll get there later.

I wasn't tired but I still had that few hours left until I could consider my day over and go get my precious hours of sleep when I decided to watch a movie that was in the My List section on Netflix: Monsieur e Madame Aldeman.

I put it on my list for a pretty stupid reason.

I was still working at the distributor responsible for the film when I took notice about it and as a French cinema lover that I am and for up until then, at that time, giving a lot of importance to what others said about almost everything in this life, I ended up seeing some comments about it, from the own team, and I ended up thinking: wow, it's a movie I can't miss someday! It seems to be one of those you can't miss seeing before you die or belong to the 'it will give you points in your cultured card with rich baggage by watching' s label.

What a holy fool one I was…

Anyway, I didn't want to watch something complex, I wanted to watch something fine and relaxing since I was about to go to sleep, something like a romantic comedy, why not?

I decided to play this movie and here's the first mistake: going to Netflix, second one: having chosen to watch that movie and wasting 2 precious hours of my life consuming something abhorrent.

In fact, the biggest mistake I made of all the mistakes I could do was that I added him to my list without even seeing the trailer and taken my own conclusions. I just swimmed in the others opinions.

And that was one of the reasons that led me to write this article.

Monsieur e Madame Aldeman it's a terrible movie, C'est vrai!

Terribly good for those who are likely to this kind of movie, which on the outside appears to be an amusing love story of a couple who respect and love each other and as time goes by we'll follow their path, rejoicing and thrilling together whit their story.

A very interesting and fun one that really makes a comedy worthy of being documented on screen. It's like looking at a nice photo album when you actually end up realizing it's a terribly unhealthy relationship.

An abusive and toxic relationship in which the lady in question, poor one, was the lover blinded for a completely mediocre man, insecure about himself and his talents, immersed herself in an imposter syndrome but with a huge inflated ego. She ended up suffering in his hand several humiliations for being completely blinded by what she thought was her true love. But, in the other hand she knew that, and was just not thinking about letting go of him, as if pulled by a terrible magnetic force.

Not forgeting to mention that she was the one who wrote her husband's books. She made him grow in his writing career, even taking (she) the awards, but he was the one who received it instead, and he reaped the laurels of his profession at the expense of his wife the woman behind his success whom he made a point of treating like rubbish, always showing himself superior.

He'd despised her from the very first day he saw her.

This movie caused me great discomfort especially because 1. I wore Sara's skin not so long ago in a relationship and I saw myself in several scenes as a reflection of her, in love with a completely despicable and insecure figure, but with a lot of arrogance of those generated by those who have an inflated ego like a gas station doll; and 2. I felt a deep agony and anger at the fact that she was the main head behind her husband's success. And yet, he died as The Great Writer (ohhh! genius).

It reminded me a lot of Big Eyes (2014), which is actually a real story painted on canvas in a very well executed way by Tim Burton. It's pretty much the same story, the changes are just the characters and location.

I have several points to talk about this depressing movie, as it raises very serious issues, like the ones I mentioned above, issues that deserves to be put on panel, in all channels and vehicles and increasingly, repeatedly, so that it becomes something absorbed in our society as much as we accept that 1+1 equals 2 without even questioning.

We need to talk more about this to re-educate ourselves.

Also, why I don't see articles or comments about this film that bring this perspective?

Why is no one commenting on this?

Why there's no texts about this?

See? This fact in itself is a separate study already.

The fact is that after having a disturbed night's sleep caused by this movie, I made another important decision: take care of what I watch and of what i consume mainly for being a fervent lover of cultural products (and that includes movies, series, books, music)...

I decided to look more carefully at what I've been consuming and consciously consume. From all the discomfort and reflection, I started to do an investigation and realized that there was a lot that I used to put my hands up, cherryng, glorifying and deified but that are actually part of the others opinions.

Not because I really and genuinely liked it or it was something that added me and encouraged me to grown with a rich and relevant impact, considering my trajectory, my history, my essence, my tastes and my life/work purpose. But that comes after a great self-knowledge work, it's a fact.

That's why I ask you: How is your relationship with you?

Are you taking care of yourself?

Have you ever stopped to think that there's a lot you still watch because of others talk, the media talks, newspapers talk, magazines (ah! hello!)... You saw it on your Instagram, you saw it on the famous website for posting lists of cool events and content to get to know, you saw your friend or your friend's friend who even isn't your real friend talking…

You're still consuming these movies, series, songs, clips, because you were told it was good but based on what?

And about you? Is this really for you?

Does that fit with your essence?

Is it worth give your time for this?

What pleases you?

What adds you?

If you think of yourself as a body that came to this planet with a purpose and that is your most precious asset along with the time you have that is all your treasure (you can read: money) that you have, would you waste it or use it self-consciously?

Based on that, what is really worthy of your attention?

And then I ask you more questions: Do you really have the need to consume these products every day? Every second?

Have you been giving yourself time to digest?

What do you think about that?

We've reached a point in capitalism where the only major weapon of domination is through the entertainment industry and that's where you see the monetization of things that were purely educational until then or didn't have a purpose to be commercialized, like the contents for example.

Video content, text and even music have lost their purpose in itself as today's mindset has been: it has to have views! Attract leads. It has to have streaming! Streaming it! Watch NOW!

And so the artists are becoming more and more hostages or little robots of this terrible industry and as depressing as Monsieur and Madame Aldeman.

I could name a lot of artists from the music industry itself who have sold themselves to her and act like her puppies, worrying with nothing but releasing singles one after another to be hits and earn I don't know how many millions of streamings, and have their clips seen by I don't know how many millions of users (tsc, tsc), and they suffer from the worst kind of anxiety you can have: this anxiety to the non-stop publish and publish, to be always ahead, to launch and release compulsively…

No wonder that since the beginning of the internet age this has been the main topic of songs by many other artists some well consecrated and whose are the ones who happily remain faithful in their own lyrics in nowdays.

When quality loses space to quantity we have a very serious problem because the thing loses its purpose, and let's face it, art is to inspire but also to make people think and evoke transformations, discussions…

How are we going to think or develop a critical sense being bombarded with new releases every week, every day?

Releases on the Netflix every day — i feel nostalgia when Netflix was just a new thing that few people signed to because we still had a bit of dignity.

Now it's completely sick, and it's creepy to get on the platform and every day have something new!

The logic of cultural production literally turned itself in the dynamics of frying fish at a fair.

And so I ask you again, do you really think it's worth it?

Are you taking care of yourself?

Paying attention to what you watch, read and listen to is just as important as how often you digest this information. And why do I say this? For the simple reason that our communication has become increasingly outdated, deteriorating slowly and in a completely frightening way.

It's scary to see the creature we've become, collectively speaking, by when we communicate with each other.

We don't have time to listen our voices anymore, to swim in deep conversations, we don't have more time for long audios, acctualy, it's not that we have no time, we just don't want to know. We want everything for yesterday and the more the better.

And whoever is in this cat's bed, dancing to this song, is probably more sick and in danger than whoever caught covid-19, because this is indeed the most lethal virus in humanity, the culture of immediacy.

#article #society #consumerism #culture #entertainment #art #thinkitloud #revistamanifesto #edition01 #outsiderzine

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datingadviceonreddit · 7 years

Link

MR:Also if ***** is going to run a "wellness page," on top of constantly talking about how uncomfortable she is/used to be about her weight and the things you can do to start bettering yourself...why is she posting pictures of drinking alcohol at 12 on a Monday...like that is just a cup of sugar essentially that will put her days behind whatever goals she has. I'm not hating just suggesting as a friend I would point it out to her if i was her friend and genuinely cared about her staying on trackKK:lol seriously? Wellness is not the same thing as getting in shape or eating cleanMR: They're undoubtedly major variables to it...KK:And even if it was why are you judging herMR:I'm not judging her at allKK: So if you're trying to be healthy you're not allowed to post a photo having a drinkMR:If *** told me he was genuinely trying to get healthy and in shape I would suggest he doesn't have a sugar cup at 12pm on a Monday If any of my friends were genuinely trying to change like she isKK:Again that's not what she's trying to doMR:And then posted pictures out drinking on Monday early. I'd be like you're setting yourself up to fail sorryKK: Literally she had an eating disorder and an excessive disorder and she lost way too much weight and now that she is finally able to post something like that and have a drink and not have to worry about how many carbs or sugar she is eating and analyzing every single thing she puts into her body people are judging her?MR:I know you're responding emotionally cause she's your friend, but I'm not judging her or think she's wrong. We're all just walking each other home, and everyone needs to hear tough love sometimesKK:Like people judged her when she had an eating disorder and all she posted then was eating healthy and working outMR: I get thatKK: No you sound ignorant and don't understand what an eating disorder is apparentlyMR:Okay lmao You're right! Jesus I can't even imagine how annoyed other people must get if they tried giving you any constructive criticismKK:It's not even about being right like what is your problem it's about having empathy and the fact that you felt you should screenshot her post and say that she shouldn't be having one drink at noon is RidiculousMR:I didn't say that I said if you were a friend you probably should mention that is all But I also forget not everyone cares as deeply as I do about the little things NevermindKK:Mention what.MR:Like I said nevermind I forgot I was wrong,ridiculous, and ignorant, and it's not like I had a friend kill themselves in highschool over an eating disorder, I know nothing about it apparently!!!KK:That having an unhealthy drink is worse than not eating at all? That she shouldn't post a photo of herself having an alcoholic drink? That having one drink will put her days behind her wellness goals without knowing what her wellness goal is?MR: But seriously you really need to check your ego in terms of literally never once being able to admit when you're wrong, being open to other perspectives, etc Like literally everyone I know who knows you kind of well has commented on it to me, including your entire family It's very frustratingKK:How am I wrong? It's not about me it's about understandingMR:I never said you were wrong But you're talking to me like I am When all I'm saying is if she's concerned with wellness, alcohol should be the first thing to go. That's like a golden rule, if she started going to a class, they'd tell her the same thing. Please consider how frustrating it is for me to have gone almost 4 years with you NEVER ONCE being able to admit you're not right all the fucking time. It's like so genuinely absurd and the fact you aren't getting that is very bothersome.KK :No again wellness is not the same as healthMR: They're all connected Holy fuck How can't you see thatKK:Honestly if it's such a problem why don't you message her about it yourselfMR: You literally conduct conversation like you're the top expert on everything And even the times I tangibly prove you wrong you can't even admit it It's so fucking absurd It isn't a problem! You freaked out on me for judging her when I wasn't in the slightest. I'm done with this conversation. But like again, you can always send me shit about *** or whatever or **** or it's totally fine to make fun of my friends who aren't perfect. Then I make a genuine suggestion about *** cutting back on drinking, since she obvi was this weekend with you too....alll I'm saying is you could say something like you want to see her staying happy and on the path to wellness and drinking on weekends and then mid day on Monday fucks with your stomach and mental health. That's not an opinion that's a fact of the matter And you fucking blow up about me being ignorant, ridiculous, judgemental, I don't understand a friend who died. Like you seriously need to check yourself sometimesKK: article linkMR:And when any other normal person would say something like sorry, we both have different perspectives, I feel you judged her is all, maybe we could talk about it differently...you'll probably just try to continue to educate me why I'm wrong Andddddd right on fuckig que there it is, I'm shutting my phone off Literally crying right nowKK: Honestly if you want to shut your phone off that's fine. But *** edited that article and her friend wrote it so maybe you'd understand hearing it come from her and not meMR: still can't acknowledge what I said. Fuck. I'm probably not going to come tonight sorry, I honestly can't deal with this shit right now Having been wrong the last 4 years is starting to wear away at me Like it's very clear your genuinely just not processing how frustrating it is for me to deal with this shit all the time, and I try to bring it up and talks about it and it's ignored, every time. It doesn't even make senseKK:The only time you bring it up is when you say something controversial and I have an opposing viewMR:Holy fuck Not true in the slightest It's embedded in every single conversation Your parents, sister, and my friends who've met you have all mentioned it so many times And you're still just like NAH You literally just talk to people like they have a learning disability, and whenever you're proved wrong you immediately ignore it/don't acknowledge it/apologize for being rude or anything It's all just "you're ridiculous, you're ignorant, here's how you're supposed to see it..." I'm sorry I'm not trying to attack you but like I'm at my witts end in regards to it. How can you not even realize you responded aggressively out of emotion without even considering the only misunderstanding was in the wording I chose Have you left yet? Cause we should probably talk in person before you go if not. Like the amount of times you've texted me trying to educate me on my friends and what they should or shouldn't be doing..and I make a genuine suggestion and you go berserk on me. That's not oka Okay we drive safe then I guess. Last thing. You literally send me screenshots of your own cousin, and make fun of/judge the guys she's with etc etc etc. do you not see how contradicting it is for you to lose your shit when I suggest something for one of your friend, but be totally fine with bashing your friends/family? I'm not mad I hope you aren't either, I'm sorry I kind of blew up, but please try to understand why I get frustrated Okay well can you at least tell me you got there safeKK:It’s one thing to be frustrated. I’ve been working on being less negative and admitting when I’m wrong, but I’m not wrong here. Women grow up having their bodies literally controlled by men. For you to say that *** should or shouldn’t be eating something and what she should be doing instead is completely out of line. The point of a wellness page is to promote sustainable and lifelong behavior. It’s not about getting in shape, its not about losing weight and its not about eating clean 100% of the time. Assuming that she is trying to lose weight is just wrong and saying someone shouldn’t have an instagram about wellness if they post a photo of them drinking alcohol is attempting to control women’s choices and their bodies. Even if that’s not what you intended it’s still what you’re doing. And I think the politicians and rest of the men in the world do enough of that already. Having an eating disorder is not healthy or sustainable and promoting foods and good or bad for someone is just reinforcing their feelings that they don’t deserve to eat. Maybe you didn’t mean anything by the comment, but I just want you to think about it from someone else’s perspective. Which is what I am trying to get better at doing.MR:Ok Jesus Christ Ok I think you're being completely delusional to be honest I'm not sure what the fuck your problem is You should reread what I said, then what you said. Otherwise I'm screenshotting and sending to your parents or something I said you suggest to your friend she doesn't have a sugary alcoholic drink on a Monday mid day I'd tell that to my parents, my friends, my girlfriend, my children. All without hesitation. If someone told me they were on the path to wellness, and I saw them drinking 4 nights a week, I would say something. I understand she has the same thing a friend of mine killed them selves over. I really do. You're the only one here who needs to consider other perspectives. I'm not coming tonight if this is the mindset you're in, it's completely absurd to be this hostile over nothing. I'll talk to you tomorrow.KK:4 nights a week? Honestly what are you talking aboutMR:Have a good night Sorry, from Friday to Monday is only 3 nights, not 4, you're correct. Again, you've totally ignored what I've said before about you constantly shitting on your friends and family, I'm not sure why me suggesting *** doesn't have a margarita on a Monday triggered you so intensely, it's kind of bizarre Like how do you think that's fair for me in conversation every single time. For me to be wrong when I'm not and you to just totally avoid apologies or acknowledging when you're in the wrong or misunderstood or whatever it is Every single time I lay it all out, and get shit for a response. You've gotta help make it a two way street here. Awesome I'm going for a walk I'll be back in an hour.KK:Because you literally don't know what you're talking about. 3 nights? Like she had one drink with us on Saturday and this on Monday. Who knows when she had a drink last before that and when she will have one next. She's not an alcoholic and it's interesting that you choose to comment on her when she's at least trying to better herself when every other one of our friends in ***** probably had ten plus drinks this weekend and posted how drunk they were over social mediaMR:I've texted all of them personally And they've thanked me for looking out for them I'll send you the screenshotsKK: Okay and do you think that has motivated them to change?MR: Again, I'm baffled by your total lack of how you talk to peopleI think it helpsAt least I'm showing I care Nevermind your right I always forget that silly meLet her do whatever she wants I'm wrongKK:Actually that's exactly rightMR:I keep forgetting you're not supposed to consider those around youKK:Let her do what she wants it's two drinks a weekMR:For sure Again, shitting on ***** folk, when I wasn't even shitting on her in the slightest you're really just like your sister aren't youKK:Do you hear yourself?MR:Yep I think you're the one who has to do some reconsidering right now If you genuinely don't see it like that then idk if I can see you for awhile I'm not sure what the fuck else I can do I'll venmo you or write you a check for the money I owe you How much is it exactly according to you so I don't piss you off again Let me know by tomorrow morning ish please so I can drop a check off after work.KK:You're saying you want to break upMR:I'm saying I need some time if this is the constant state of how you're going to talk to me, I'm sorry. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. If you think I'm enjoying any second of it then think again. I wanted to come sleep with you tonight. I saw your friend post a picture of a fat margarita on a Monday before 12pm. If *** had done it you'd have mentioned it to me for sure, as you have for the last few years w his, ****, and whoevers snap chats. I didn't realize you'd react so emotionally. But I kind of realized that's the way it goes every single time and in every singe controversial topic I always end up apologizing for nothing and you walk away like you've educated me on something opinion based. I just can't keep it up being spoken to like I have Down syndrome in every single conversation we have. I don't want to break up in the slightest, but I also don't know if hanging out tonight or tomorrow makes sense for us if this is the mindset your in. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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