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ynainna · 3 years

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The Grave of Cecilias

synopsis: Despite it having been several hundred years since the end of the Archon War, Venti’s heart is still heavy with the grief of those he’s lost.

word count: 1,800

pairing: venti x f. reader

genre: angst

warnings: some spoilers from the recent last archon quest (aka the ver 1.1 story update), bad writing lol, angst (but not really I think?)

notes: look, originally my first fic was going to be a Diluc fic so it would be a perfect catalyst for my dumbass self but Venti is just perfect for some angsting time. Sorry in advance for my writing lmfao. I also think some of these facts are inaccurate but I’m a bit stupid and didn’t completely connect some dots from the wiki that I should’ve and due to the fact, ya know, p l o t. Feedback is also welcome but pls be nice about it. This is also extremely bad and I high key think this is horrible lmao. It’s so bad.

In the days of the Archons, years before the eruption of the Archon War, Gods roamed. Each God was responsible and represented different things, often symbolizing what their powers were. In which there was the God of Dust and the God of Blizzards. Gods had been abundant that it isn’t a surprise that there was once a Goddess of Flora.

It is no secret that gods gained their power from the worship of others. Due to the Goddess of Flora often being pushed aside to give way to the stronger gods, she had very little following from the people of Teyvat, making her one of the weaker gods. Instead of growing bitter at both her situation and her people, she had embraced her lower status. She was often heard saying, “It is better to be loved by a few who love you for yourself than to be loved by the whole for greed,” in response to them asking about it.

In her small following, there was a civilization that had worshipped her the most. The small civilization had been the ones responsible for the creation of the Cecilia Garden, their gift to the ancient god who had favored the common white flowers, Cecilias, as her favorite.

Cecilias, in the age of the Archon War, wasn’t a rarity and was often the cause of the white sea. The only traces left of the said white sea in the records were from the Cecilia Garden where it was said that it was such a common flower that it was written as “the sea of white flowers”.

The legends tell very few stories about the fate of the Sea of White, often only found in the debris and faded writings in the ruins of old. Cecilias of this day and age are often only found to grow in the high cliffs, specifically numerous on the infamous Starsnatch cliff.

Not many know the history of Starsnatch Cliff. Long before it was Starsnatch Cliff or the place where the last of the Cecilias grow, it was simply the plains.

Cecilias were abundant in the age of the Archons, never far from your sight at every turn. It is a wonder to a few on how a flower had only grown exclusive to one area.

While not many know the history of Starsnatch, the most one would have to know is it was where the end of a love story between two gods, torn apart by war, was.

Venti’s favorite flower is Cecilias. It’s not his favorite flower due to its simple beauty or even its rarity but due to its history. Prior to the Cecilias, his favorite had been the Dandelions, which was no surprise to others. He had only started to favor the Cecilias near the beginning of the Archon War and even then that was only due to you.

Starsnatch Cliff is many things but to Venti it had only been a reminder of his grief.

To Venti, it’s your grave.

Venti has lived for more than a thousand years so it’s a given that he would have a few missing memories of the past and a hesitance to recollect any memories from the age of the Archons. Despite it, there are a few he remembers very vividly.

He remembers your smile. It was a soft curve accompanied by cheeks tinged with a faint glow of pink. He remembers your eyes, twinkling, crinkling in the corners in your glee.

And while he remembers very few things now, he has always remembered every part and memory he has of you, good or not.

The last he has of you was near the beginning of the Archon War.

The first he has of you were at the end of Decarabian’s reign and the death of his dear friend.

He remembers, mourning his death, readying his burial when you appeared with your gentle hands and kind understanding smile. In your hands had been Cecilias, freshly picked.

With your hands you guided him to a place and helped him bury his friend, silence was the only thing between you. You were kind enough to ignore the tears and the sniffles. You finished at sunset. The only trace of you that was left was the picked Cecilias he had first seen you with. Despite his grief, Venti felt the corner of his lips tug up to a small smile.

He doesn’t ask until later on in your friendship about why you had given his friend the Cecilias. You only answer with a small smile at his question. To this day, he still doesn’t know why but he has a feeling.

He treasures the memories of him loving you and mourns the memories he retains of everything of the love lost between you.

The Archon War had not been kind to anyone, even to you and to him.

It is common knowledge that the Archon War had killed off a lot of gods, many of whom are buried under the grounds and some being sealed off. It was a time of turmoil, you don’t expect or hope to come out of it alive, you only fight and hope it is enough to survive another day.

You were the Goddess of Flora, responsible for the growth of the world’s vegetation. Due to such low status, your responsibilities were very little. The growth of vegetation, the worry for the changing of seasons, and your people had been the only things that were your responsibilities.

You had no desire for power nor anything more. You had only wished to care for your people to the utmost best of your abilities and to continue living the way you had lived.

But war does not discriminate.

It didn’t matter if you didn’t have the desire to fight others. You fight or you die. You, a god once often seen at the sidelines or invisible, was pushed into the fighting ring built by greed and arrogance.

While you may have not wanted to fight in the war, you had to, if not for you, for your people. In your death, your only thought had been about your people and Barbatos. It had only ever been them.

It’s raining. Venti thinks the world is laughing at them or maybe the God of Storms or Rain is mocking them for being weak, for falling in love at a time like this where it is a sign of weakness.

His hands are bloody and shaking as he holds you closer to his body. His sight is blurred by his tears that are blending in with the rain. Grief is clogging his throat and he can’t breathe. There’s not enough time for anyone to save you.

The previous battle had taken a toll on both of you and Venti. While Venti’s were only fatigue and mild injuries, yours were fatal. You had taken a wound to your gut and while it isn’t often a major injury to gods, your powers had been drained and the fatigue you feel is what makes it fatal. There’s nothing that can fix it.

You know it.

He knows it.

But despite this, logic can’t seem to get through Venti’s panic. His mind is going rampant and he can’t seem to know where to put his hands or what to fix.

You look at him with your heavy eyelids, lips quivering as you strain your body to move. With great difficulty, you bring your bloody and mangled hands towards Venti’s cheeks, landing heavily. Venti freezes, his eyes wide at the contact.

With a heavy heart, he turns his head towards you to meet your eyes. His hand slowly creeps up to the hand on his cheek. He feels his grief to come back up, scratching and clawing at his heart. When your eyes meet, you smile. Strained and quivering, but a smile nonetheless.

He feels his breath hitch at your smile. You smile like the sunset, the gradual end. The tears come up again, you had only ever smiled like the sunrise and to see it grow smaller, to see it fade is another type of pain.

“Love, no,” he whispers, throat dry as he looks at your eyes. “Don’t leave me. Hang on, please. You’ll be okay. Please. Please. Please...” Venti pleads, voice growing hoarse as the grief creeps back up with ravenous hunger.

“Barbatos...” you wheeze out, eyes slowly fluttering as you try to hold on for him, just for a few seconds, “I...I... I love...you. T-Thank you...for... for-for lo...ving me.”

“No love, stop. Stop trying to say goodbye, please, no. No. I love you. I love you so much so please don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you,” Venti heaves out with a raspy voice, clutching your hand with a harsh grip in hope of keeping you here, with him.

“Don’t leave me” he cries out.

Even with your injuries and numbness, the sight of his tears and grief caused a pang of pain to erupt.

“Love,” you rasp out, tears pouring out of your eyes, that were once glittering and now dull, “you have... to let me go.”

“NO!” he denies your pleas.

“Please... just give me more time with you... anything for you. Please.”

You cough, blood coming up and the cold hands of death creeping closer to you.

“I love you... so much. L-Live on for me... please.”

You don’t hear anything after that, not your lovers sobbing and pleading for you to come back, to hold on.

Not long after, you fade into a million different golden dust. No body left to bury.

In your death, the Cecilias slowly disappear from the world despite your followers trying their utmost best to keep it from dying away. But without their god and with no protection, even they eventually fell. With their fall, the Sea of White was no more.

In memory of you, the world created a grave for you.

Due to his love and memory of you, Venti caused the winds to only carry the Cecilias seeds to only fly around your grave and causing your grave to be the only place where Cecilias grew. Despite it having been several hundred years since the end of the Archon War, Venti’s heart is still heavy with the grief of those he’s lost.

History doesn’t write of the Goddess of Flora, there isn’t a lot of text written about her in fact. No hints about a possible connection with the Anemo God. And no one needs to know.

All who does is Venti. It’s all he has left of you that’s his and his alone.

In your death, the winds had howled and grew rough and sharp.

Long before Starsnatch Cliff was anything, it was your grave.

It was the Grave of Cecilias.

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makeste · 4 years

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killing is not so easy as the innocent believe

or, some follow-up thoughts on Hawks, and chapter 265.

you guys this chapter has got people in some kind of way though. myself included lol.

it’s never a good thing when I get an ask like this on a Wednesday. and SURE ENOUGH, lmao. hang in there anon we’re in this together.

I love how all three of these asks seem to be implying that Hawks is basically toast. death certificate all but signed and notarized. which is reasonable to be fair!

regarding Machia though, after giving it some thought, the fact that he was mentioned when he didn’t have to be leads me to believe that Fatgum is correct, and he will not be making an appearance. it’s possible this is just the manga attempting to catch us off guard, but if Horikoshi wanted to do that, he could have just as easily bided his time and made no mention of him at all until he suddenly came barging out of his hidden basement room at an inopportune moment. going out of his way to say “hey remember Gigantomachia? yes well he is in sleep mode at the moment so not to worry” is kind of a waste of time unless it really is true. could be wrong on this though!

regarding the voice recorder/communication/mystery device thing, I now have a brand new ridiculous theory on that thanks to a chat with @blessedgirthma, but more on that shortly.

now then, let’s talk a bit more (or, to be honest, a lot more) about Hawks.

lol y’all I am being called out. but in seriousness, this is honestly one of my favorite things about doing the recaps though. the fact that my reactions are recorded for posterity for better or worse. the thing is, when I’m actually reading the chapter for the first time, it’s a complete rollercoaster lol. it’s just whiplash reactions to stuff (which is why 90% of it is dumb jokes because that is my honest instinctive reaction to 90% of everything) and speculating wildly on the spot. and a lot of times it is way off.

one of the things that particularly impressed me about this latest chapter is the fact that Horikoshi was genuinely able to manipulate my emotions so effectively and make me so anxious about the fates of both of these characters in the heat of the moment. not every writer can do that! in fact it’s pretty rare for a shounen manga in particular to actually get me to really start doubting and wondering whether a character is actually going to die. because let’s be real guys, it’s a rarity. especially with this particular series. and even when people do die, they come back as OFA ghosts, or they’re brought back to life as Kurogiri, or they never died to begin with and they’re currently trying to kill Hawks, etc. so on top of the shounen manga tropes, we also have comic book “no one is ever truly dead” tropes. so yeah.

so the point I’m leading up to here is that I don’t think Hawks is actually going to die. I know it’s ridiculous; I know he was just set on fire and isn’t looking too hot (ha) right now, but again. it’s a shounen manga. other characters have survived (1) breaking their arms a dozen times, (2) having holes of all shapes and sizes pierced through their lungs, (3) everything All Might and AFO did to each other at Kamino jesus christ, (4) having their entrails spilled out, (5) being crushed by a water tower, (6) pissing Todoroki off during the climax of Heroes Rising, (6) being blown up from the inside out by a quirk, and (7) having their eye sliced open and being blasted through a building and falling fifty feet from the sky onto the hood of a car while on fire. and this is far from an exhaustive list. this is an off-the-top-of-my-head list. yeah. so neither Hawks nor Twice is actually dying if this is anything to go by.

now then. I said I was going to talk about Hawks, so let’s talk. first off, I just want to make it clear that I’m not part of the pro-Hawks faction, or the pro-Villains faction, or whatever. I’m in neither of those factions, or both of them. or whatever you want to call it. basically I love Twice and I love Dabi and I love Hawks. and recent events have not changed this at all, except perhaps to make me love them even more. but anyway, just wanted to put that on the record. and yes, I told Dabi to set Hawks on fire, and I would say it again too, because Dabi setting Hawks on fire potentially saved both Hawks and Twice, so yeah. homicidal though it may have been, it was good timing all the same, Dabi.

so Hawks! let’s talk about what actually happened in this chapter. “um Hawks tried to kill Twice, is what happened.” well, not quite! what actually happened is that Hawks said he was going to kill Twice. and then... he didn’t.

lol, yeah. eyeroll-inducing technicality there, I know. wishful thinking, naive, willfully disregarding what we actually saw in favor of trying to support my own interpretation of the character. absolutely that’s what it is! but since we all acknowledge that, might as well continue down this line of thinking and see where it leads. so indulge me if you will.

so. three things:

(1) Hawks is a spy. he lies. he lies all the time. when Horikoshi wants us to know what he’s actually thinking, he shows us.

so naturally the reason I bring this up is just to point out the fact that throughout all of chapters 263, 264, and 265, we have not actually seen a single one of Hawks’s thoughts (assuming Caleb is correct in his translation of 264). he’s making speeches, he’s trying to plead his case to Jin, and we see a ton of Jin’s thoughts. but none of Hawks’s. not so much as an ‘I was afraid of this...’ or ‘his quirk is too dangerous, I can’t let a single one of the clones slip through’ or any of your typical run-of-the-mill fight narration we might normally expect to see for a scene like this. there’s nothing. and what this tells me is that Hawks’s words may not in fact line up with what he’s actually thinking.

(2) Hawks is hesitating. we know how fast he is. hell, even if we didn’t, this chapter would be all the evidence we need. but we do in fact have plenty of other evidence.

these things are deadly. each one is solid and we’ve seen he’s capable of using them like bladed weapons. if he wanted to, he could stab Twice through the heart in the blink of an eye. look at the precision he used to tear his mask open (to distinguish the real Twice from the clones) without actually harming him. he wouldn’t even have to move. but he is deliberately holding back and trying to stop Twice in other ways -- by pleading with him (“I don’t want to fight you”), hitting him with a disabling blow, and finally by pinning him down and trying to intimidate him.

but then he just sits there.

saying he has no choice. holding the feather knife above him. but he doesn’t actually do it. and okay, maybe it’s because he truly is fond of Twice, as we know, and so he’s giving him the chance to say his last words or something. but what was it he said just a few pages before this one, though? “we eliminate villains with haste”? I don’t know about you, but I for one sure wasn’t seeing any haste in those last few pages. the man who goes too fast, huh. I’m just saying.

but maybe he was just psyching himself up to do it. maybe he would have gone through with it on the very next page if Dabi hadn’t intervened. maybe. but you know what though? that hesitance -- the fact that he was so conflicted despite supposedly believing that he’s doing the right thing, and despite being groomed by the shadier elements of hero society since childhood to make this precisely kind of decision -- to me, that does indicate that Hawks is not a killer by nature. he’s battling with himself right now. he’s desperate. he doesn’t want to go through with it; he resists the act; and then crucially, right at the decisive moment, Horikoshi prevents us from seeing whether or not he actually would have done it.

(3) and what about that? it’s interesting that this question is one which has come up over and over ever since the disappearance of Best Jeanist, isn’t it? the question of just how far Hawks is actually willing to go. the question of whether or not, when push comes to shove, he will make the cutthroat decision. will Hawks kill for the greater good? Horikoshi poses this question again and again, and yet he still refuses to give us an actual answer.

(oh hey, that’s a nice flashback you’re having. sure would be a shame if it were to... cut off right there so that we never find out what actually happened past this point!!)

(“whether this is really him” -- really?? you actually go and show what is by all accounts and appearances Jeanist’s actual dead body stuffed in a bag, and yet you still cast doubt on it? why? at this point you’re just fucking with us. and also, actually, the fact that it’s a dead body is not, in fact, proof that he killed someone, because morgues exist. and appearance-altering quirks. and clones. and all sorts of other conspiracy-theory-fueling shit. so yeah.)

isn’t that strange? well no, actually, it’s not strange at all, because you only need to take one glance at the fandom (or my own indecisive recaps) to see that this refusal to confirm this one crucial fact about Hawks’s nature is having precisely its intended effect. when you write a story, you want the readers to care. you want them to be invested in what’s happening. you want to keep them in suspense. and so in Hawks’s case, the fact that we just don’t know for sure makes him an insanely compelling character to watch, because will he actually do it?? will he kill Twice?? is he a killer??

and still we don’t know. even now, Horikoshi refuses to lift the veil for certain. and all I have to say about that is this: maybe he is. but if he is, if the answer to this lingering and drawn-out mystery ultimately turns out to be a simple “yes”, then that would be a bit anticlimactic to say the least.

so those are my thoughts! oh, except that I did say I was going to talk about this thing though:

so we don’t know what this is, or why Hawks pulled it out at such a strange moment. I’ve read a few theories, but I have to give @blessedgirthma credit because this one is my new favorite omfg:

like. guys. guys. I know it’s absurd and it’s not going to happen lol. but can you just imagine, though. Dabi’s standing there with the crazy eyes, talking about how heroes are all scum, and how he never trusted Hawks, and the fact that Hawks was even willing to kill a fellow hero to gain their trust only to betray them is yet more proof of how hypocritical and disgusting these so-called heroes are. and then, just as he’s about to deal the final blow, HIS OWN CLOTHES TURN ON HIM and he’s all “?!” and IN BURSTS BEST FUCKING JEANIST oh snap, whaaat, HE LIVED, BITCH.

don’t look at me like that. let me have this. all I’m saying is it could happen.

so that’s it! those are all my current thoughts about Hawks and about this contentious chapter which is tearing fandoms and loved ones apart. in my perfect world Hawks lives and Twice lives and Best Jeanist lives and Dabi lives but gets captured maybe so as to have Endeavor angst along with some fucking flashbacks at goddamn last. as of today March 22nd 2020 all of these are still possible outcomes, so I’m gonna embrace it.

and lastly, getting back to the real mystery of this chapter,

WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

#bnha 265 #hawks #dabi #twice (bnha)#bnha meta #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks #hawks meta

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lavendersoft · 5 years

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Until I met you.

-Street fighter!Jimin x Reader

1/?

Synopsis: While on a date for their 2nd anniversary, Jimin loses Yoongi while being attacked in an alleyway by a robber. Yoongi sacrificed himself for his lover and Jimin could never forgive himself for not being able to do the same. The survivor’s guilt ate away at him over the months and it definitely didn’t help that he saw Yoongi’s face everywhere. In mirrors, dreams, large crowds, on trains, and even when he closed his eyes. Although, Jimin found a way to cope. He began a rigorous training schedule. Boxing, self-defense classes, Tae Kwon Do, he even started street fighting and got caught up with bad people. Anything and everything. His hands would bleed, his muscles would ache, his bones would break. Jimin was offered multiple full scholarships to prestigious martial arts schools for his talent, all of which Jimin turned down. He didn’t want to make a career out of this, he just didn’t want to be haunted by his dead fiancé. The only time Yoongi won’t haunt every moment of Jimin’s life was when he’s training, as if Yoongi is saying “I won’t rest, nor will I let you rest, until you’re stronger.” Jimin will never lose anyone that he loves again.

Everything felt like a downward spiral,

until he met you.

Warnings: (There’s a lot- and it’s kinda dark, be warned) PTSD, implied schizophrenia (sorta? take that with a grain of salt), PTSD induced delusions/hallucinations, depression, paranoia, night terrors, character death, major angst, unhealthy coping mechanisms, masochism(?), alcoholism, minor gore, mention of drug abuse, mention of blood, mention of asylums, profanity, Jimin goes through one hell of a mental breakdown.

Author’s notes: super slow burn :/ basically, in which jimin copes with the traumatic incident of his fiancé’s brutal murder by street fighting. this story isn’t yandere but has dark themes.

The air was lifted right out of Jimin’s lungs. Tears were flowing freely, his hands were stained red, he couldn’t even see the golden engagement ring through the thick blood. He couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his own sobs and heartbreak.

“Please... please stay awake. They’re coming, okay? Help’s coming. Just look at me. Look at me, please.”

He’d remembered somewhere that you were supposed to put pressure on wounds this big to stop the bleeding. If only his hands could stop shaking.

Yoongi had stopped responding about two minutes prior to this but Jimin refused to accept his fate. His last words replaying in Jimin’s mind like a mantra.

“Survive. Please, live. I love you.”

Two wallets.

Two fucking wallets with about 150,000 won split between them.

That’s how much his fiancé was murdered for.

Jimin jerks awake in a cold sweat. His bruised fist clamped around his bedsheets, heart rate much higher than it should be. He rises out of the creaking bed to stretch his overly tense muscles.

He can still feel the weight of his deceased boyfriend’s limp body in his arms.

Every day starts like this.

Every morning he’s pulled from the same reoccurring nightmare, then he starts his cold shower.

He can’t even take warm showers anymore, remembering how hot Yoongi insisted on keeping the water temperature when they showered together.

It’s been nine months.

Nine months, two weeks and four days since he lost the love of his life forever.

He hasn’t even taken off the engagement ring. It’s as if it’s glued to his finger now, his hand feels empty without it.

Jimin avoids looking in the mirror at all costs. In fact, he’s gotten rid of most of them in his home. The ones he couldn’t get rid of, he smashed with his bare hands in a fit of rage. The scars on his hands are proof.

How could he look at himself knowing how weak he was?

He scoffs.

Back then... how could I bare to tolerate myself back then? I was so flimsy and weak. Could barely open a fucking jar by myself. Absolutely pathetic.

Jimin’s heart has gotten callous. He is easily provoked and irrational. The takes unnecessary risks and is impulsive.

His therapist said it was “self-sabotage” or something.

Just two weeks ago, Jimin bleached his hair a striking blond, almost white- which burned most of his scalp- just because. And before that, on the nine-month anniversary of his lover’s passing, he went to get a tattoo on a whim. Just because he felt like it. He drinks alcohol for breakfast and has recently taken up smoking. The smell of cigarettes remind him of Yoongi, who also used to smoke.

Jimin liked pain. It was invigorating. He likes feeling things. Feeling has become a rarity, a privilege, a novelty.

Although irritable and easily angered, Jimin is not an unkind person. He gives to charity and volunteers at animal shelters. These things have also made him feel again, because he can feel Yoongi there, the real Yoongi. Yoongi was a huge advocate for human kindness. He used to say it was never justifiable to be a hateful person for no reason at all.

Jimin clings to this principal.

But it’s hard. It’s so hard to act happy when he’s so broken inside. He almost wishes he could just-

“Don’t you dare use me as an excuse to be a miserable person.” Yoongi’s voice rings out from behind him. Jimin screws his eyes shut and covers his ears.

“Go away.”

This person- this being- wasn’t Yoongi, that much he knew. If anything, it was a demon. A poltergeist that feeds off Jimin’s suffering. Yoongi would never do that.

This is why everyone around Jimin thinks he’s the sweetest, loveliest, most endearing man they’ve ever met. If only they knew about the unyielding hellfire that burns his very core.

“Good morning, Mrs. Jeon!” Jimin’s sweet voice cuts through the morning air.

He was on his way to his best friend Jungkook’s house to meet before Tae Kwon Do training. The Jeon family owns a martial arts studio and they’ve been training together for months now.

“Oh, good morning Jimin! How are you today?” The nice woman is always so cheerful, Jimin respects that.

“I’m wonderful, thank you. Have you heard from Jungkook? He’s supposed to meet me here.” Jimin hurry’s to catch up with the woman in front of him and takes her groceries off of her arms to carry.

“Yes, actually. He was running a tad late this morning since his class ended late. He should be here soon. Would you mind bringing those up for me?” She gestured to the apartment right above the studio, where the family lives.

“Not at all.”

When Jungkook finally arrives, he brings with him thirty-two excuses as to why he was late.

“I lost my phone.”

“My car ran out of gas.”

“My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Jimin chuckles as he suits up his training gear.

“Dude, if all of those things are true, you really need to get your life together.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Jimin’s heart stops when the cold, low growl sounds from behind him again.

“You’re far from qualified to be giving life advice.”

Jimin hides his frown when the oblivious Jungkook punches him on the shoulder playfully.

“Haha! Shut up, dude! Let’s go.” He chides, padding off to the ring.

Jimin’s falters a bit behind, throwing a quick but cautious glance at the bloody image of Yoongi that glares back at him.

“Pathetic.”

“Seriously, dude! You’re way too talented at this to not make some money off of it.”

Jungkook’s been trying to get Jimin to take the scholarship he was offered by a scout that visited their studio not too long ago.

“I don’t know, man. This was just supposed to be a hobby remember?”

Jimin knew better. This was much more than a hobby. It was his anchor. It was his stress reliever. It was keeping him sane.

“Come on. We both know better than that. I see the way your face changes to stone when you fight. You have something. Something real. You could make it in the business!”

“You sound like a mafia boss.”

Jimin smiles as he eats the last of his ramen.

“Ya. I’m serious. If not a professional fighter then at least a coach. I mean, I’m doing it because I wanna be a cop but,” Jungkook sips from his energy drink. “Do you really just want to be a dancer?”

Jimin sighs. Yes. That was his dream before everything happened. He still clings to the idea. Before nine months ago, the idea had seemed just within reach. He’d applied for so many dance and art schools, even getting into a couple.

But after everything, he’d given up. He stopped dancing. He hates music. Even if he tried, his skills wouldn’t be anywhere near the place they were.

He’d totally abandoned his dream.

“Yes. I do.” He lies.

Jungkook shrugs, “Well, if anything, it’s made you a better fighter. Your moves are so fluid, it’s amazing.”

“Careful, you’re getting a crush.” Jimin jabs at him with a chopstick.

“Ugh. Please,” the younger rolls his eyes, “like I could ever. Plus, my girlfriend probably wouldn’t like that very much.”

“Oh? I thought you two ‘broke up’, no?”

“Nah. I love her too much.” Jimin finds it cute that Jungkook actually loves his girlfriend. Before, he was a player, only using girls for sex or free food.

“Don’t use girls like toys, Jungkook.” Yoongi would always keep Jungkook in place when he broke another heart.

“Well, this ones on you. Since you lost. Again.” Jimin’s giggle makes Jungkook pout.

“One of these days, I’m gonna beat you, Park Jimin.” Jungkook pouts.

“One of these days.” Jimin reiterates.

Jimin says goodbye to his friend and pushes through the restaurant door. He misses the worried look Jungkook gives him when he turns his back.

The raindrops hit the top of the hood of Jimin’s jacket as he walks down the busy street. He hates being too alone these days. Jungkook really helps keep Jimin grounded, he’s one of the only people that don’t totally annoy him now. He reminds Jimin of all the times Yoongi, Jungkook, Tae, Namjoon, Jin, Hoseok, and himself would hang out as teens and young adults. Just fooling around without any worry. No cares or responsibilities, young love, parties. That was their lives.

Until nine months ago.

The grief of losing one of the group was detrimental. It seemed like no one was recovering properly, except maybe Jungkook. That’s why Jimin cohered himself to Jungkook, he seemed to be the most stable out of them all.

Namjoon and Tae both landed themselves in jail on multiple occasions for a plethora of reasons.

Hoseok checked himself into a mental asylum for a while. Last Jimin heard, he was abusing drugs of some sort.

And Jin moved across the country, said he wanted to start fresh. But really, he was just doing what Jin did best- running away.

None of them kept contact, except for Jungkook.

The entire carefree, wild group of friends had dissipated into nothing.

He feels his eyebrows furrow into a stern look.

They all left.

“They all left you.” His jaw clenches at the familiar, yet slightly inhuman voice. “They never cared about you. And Jungkook will leave you one day, too. No one is forever.”

Jimin’s turns down an alleyway and stops about halfway through, tears gathered in his eyes.

“No one is forever, but at least they keep moving forward. You’re just stuck.”

Yeah, Jimin truly hates being alone.

The not-so-subtle red neon sign flickers with the bright name of the “club.”

The large metal door makes a shallow sound when Jimin’s taps on it three times. A man wearing all black with sunglasses answers, “Passwo- oh, Jimin-ah. Come on in.”

Jimin nods once to the tall bodyguard as he passes him. The man towers over Jimin in height but the energy around the two doesn’t match. The man takes a small, nervous step back when Jimin starts forward.

Jimin hates how skittish everyone is in this little hole in the wall.

The biggest underground fighting ring in Korea was right next door to Jimin’s apartment, who would have thought. How convenient.

Heads bow as he passes. No one makes eye contact. Some mumble respectful greetings while putting honorifics next to his name, no matter what age or status they have.

He’s basically a king here.

But he doesn’t want the throne.

Jimin’s peers into the crowd and sure enough, sights his dead lover. He just wants this damn demon to leave him alone.

Yoongi never bothers him while he’s fighting or training. It’s like he goes dormant or something. That’s why Jimin keeps doing it. Well, that and because he wants to be strong. Stronger than he’s ever been.

And he is. He’s undefeated in this hellhole. He sort of blanks out when he fights anyone that’s not Jungkook. That’s how he earned the appropriate nickname “Demon”, for good reason. He’s heard from others that’s he’s terrifying when he’s in the ring. Although no one but his manager and couple other higher-ups dare to call him that, and he barely even tolerates that.

The last newcomer that called him that learned through a crushed windpipe to not.

He only does this to pay the bills. Everyone here knows that. It pisses some people off. For some, this was their entire life, what they were raised to do. Born to be fighting machines.

So, naturally, some don’t like Jimin. Especially those who he’s fought and won against. But Jimin couldn’t care less about what these people think about him.

“Manager-nim,” Jimin addresses an older man, somewhere in his forties, “I need you to schedule another Gold for me.”

See, the underground business is one built on ranking.

In the underground street fighting business, fights were categorized by prize earning and rank of the fighters. Gold rank fights could only be scheduled by- and usually for- the highest members, the Elites. The grand prize for a win was seven hundred million won. Only the greatest of the greatest won the prize and thus, earning an elite status (if not an elite already).

Jimin’s won it twice.

“Ya, getting pretty greedy now, are we? You just won it a couple months ago, Kid. Where’d that money go?”

“It’s gone.”

The suited man scoffs, “You need a better budgeting plan, Demon.” Jimin fights the urge to uppercut him.

“Can you do it or not?” Jimin’s patience is already wearing thin and he’s been here for a whole five minutes.

“You know, contrary to what you might believe, I’m not a money machine. The money you win when you fight comes from somewhere. Not only that, I’m not the only Elite that gets to decide. We take a vote.”

“Well vote.”

“Aish.” He growls, “You’re something else. People here are gonna start to think I favor you, and that’s dangerous for the both of us.” He pauses to look Jimin in the eyes, “You know, you have all of the qualifications to make the Elite status. Why don't you do the initiation-”

“Let me know when you have an answer.” Jimin’s made his feelings on the subject clear already. He has no intention of making this a permanent thing. This isn't a lifestyle, this isn't his job. It’s just a way to relieve his stress and make some cash.

With that, Jimin takes his leave, disappearing into the same direction from which he came. He’s truly a mysterious phenomenon.

Jungkook: hey do u wanna meet me and Jiyoo tonight for dinner?

Jimin peers down at his phone in confusion.

Jimin: uh third-wheeling really isn’t my thing lol

Jungkook: no, no we have someone we want you to meet. she’s Jiyoo’s sister and she’s just come home from college.

Jimin groans. This isn’t the first time Jungkook’s tried to set him up since Yoongi passed. He appreciates the sentiment but Jimin doesn’t think he’ll ever love someone like that again. It’s too much to ask for.

Jimin: idk man i’m pretty tired from training today. i think i’m gonna pass.

Jungkook: pretty please?

Ugh.

Jimin shoves a pillow over his face in frustration. He’s never been able to tell the kid no. And besides that- Jimin can feel the beady eyes of the shadowy figure in the corner. No, he doesn’t really want to stay here.

Jimin: fine.

—

The restaurant is filled with all sorts of people. From children to the elderly. Jimin gazes from person to person trying to decipher what kind of person they are. He tries to hinder the negative thoughts from entering his mind about them.

Jungkook’s always late. Always. When Jungkook says “5:30” he really means “6:00.” You’d think after almost a decade of knowing the kid, Jimin would learn.

He fidgets with the sleeves of his sweater. Why was he so nervous all of a sudden? Was it because these blind dates never end well? He thinks back to the last blind date Jungkook had set him up with.

Jimin shudders.

He can still hear the innocent girl’s cries as she fled his apartment, heartbroken.

He’s pulled from his thoughts as an arm slings around his shoulder, “Hey, man.”

Jungkook’s bright smile beams at him.

“Hey. Hi, Jiyoo.” He greets the couple as they take their seats.

“Hey, Jiminie.” Jungkook’s girlfriend was super cute, he’ll give her that.

“So..?” He’s confused time see that they came alone.

“Oh, she’s coming. My little sister is always a little late.”

Later than you both?

Jimin stops himself from the bitterness that threatens to erupt again. Not tonight. He’s going to try to be on his best behavior for his friend’s sake.

He’ll save all those pent up emotions for the fight he has scheduled tomorrow.

He vaguely registers the figure that makes its way into his peripheral vision, although he pays it no mind at first.

“Oh, Y/n! It’s good to see you again.” Jungkook seems a bit overly excited. What’s all the fuss about? It’s not like-

Oh.

Okay, so she’s, like, really pretty. So what?

“Hi, Jungkook. Nice to see you. Jiyoo!” The girl walks over to embrace her sister tightly, “Oh my God, it feels like it’s been forever.”

After they take their greetings, the woman sits down across from Jimin.

“Hello, you must be Jimin. Jungkook’s told me so much about you. I’m Y/n.”

Okay, so she has the voice of an angel, big deal.

“Um, hi- yeah, I’m Jimin.” He reaches out to take the hand she offers.

“So, Y/n’s a dancer,” Jungkook starts when the food is placed in front of them, “and she’s really good.”

“Not that good.” She blushes.

“Don’t be modest, Y/n. She’s going to a really prestigious dance school on a full scholarship!” Her sister beams.

“Oh? Which one?” Jimin presses. It’s not like he’s interested or anything. Definitely not.

“Global. Global Dance Studio.” She answers.

“Ah. I heard they were good.” Jimin knows more than he let on. That was literally his dream school.

“Yeah, but strict. The training is brutal.” She emphasizes. He knows, he had to go through the same treatment. He hates that he feels a pang of jealousy and resentment towards this person he’s just met.

“I’ve heard.” He finishes as he takes the first bite of his food.

The rest of the hour-long dinner was pretty boring, with Jiyoo and Jungkook mostly taking ahold of the conversation. Although, Jimin will admit that he couldn’t stop glancing back at the beautiful girl across from him.

And he won’t pretend that he didn’t notice her treating him the same.

He was charming and kind, as usual, but he remained on the quiet side of the conversation. Jimin knew that Jungkook could tell he wasn’t being quite as flirty as he usually is with setups like this, from the way that the younger kept trying to tie Jimin in the chit chat.

Jimin stays subtle for the rest of the date.

When the group says their goodbyes, his eyes linger on hers for longer than the rest.

“It was nice to meet you, Y/n.”

“Likewise.” She grins and Jimin feels his heart stop.

And then he leaves. Really, really fast.

That’s not good.

—

#Until I Met You #bts fanfiction #bts #park jimin #min yoongi #yoonmin #jeon jungkook #park jimin fanfic #park jimin fanfiction #jimin x reader #bts x reader #bts fanfic #jimin #yoongi #jungkook #street fighter! jimin

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 4 years

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Whatever Keeps You Up At Night

Boy, this fic has been one I've been picking at for months. And while it's not perfect, I think I'm going to go ahead and post it cause I feel pretty good about it. There's a few song, movie, and poem references. I'll be surprised if someone gets them all.

In this fic the reader thinks about sleep

______________________

Clouds drifted across inky skies. Your central heat was cranked up just enough to leave you defrosted, but not any higher in fear it could fail. You thought of getting something to drink, but you didn't want to leave the warmth and comfort of your bed. Winter wasn't your favorite season, but it reminded you of him.

Oh, if you would've been in his home, there certainly would've been more sound. It wouldn't have necessarily come from the house itself, but from him; his breathing, footsteps, or the light whistle of his teeth which covered up his snoring; its sound feeding the springtime in your heart. If you had gone over when he was ready to go to bed, he would've stayed up and entertained you. Yet, none of that could've taken place if he wasn't home. So, you weren't in his home, you were in yours.

In the sharp corners where shadows laid, you dared not step until it was noon. In the daytime, though mostly in the evening was the draft which never went away and gave you a chill; causing you to wrap your duvet closer. It smelled like Ricks detergent, and you were surrounded by the night. You weren't a stranger to its lonesome ways, nor were you acquainted with it, but you existed in it; willing yourself to be anything other than awake. Try as you may, tonight's sleep might not come so readily, because you already begun to think about him and dearly wished he was home; on earth; in this dimension; anywhere close if he could help it; except for right now where it could not be helped that he was on assignment and that you had to be without him much longer then you wished, but you would wait as well as go on because you did have a life; albeit a little bland without him.

At night, while part of the world was quieting down, other parts were waking up and heading off to work; you could do either; so could he. Sometimes you would work through the night, especially when you had an idea itching to be written, but most often you would sleep; or at least try to sleep with hopes of having sweet dreams; at times your dissociated thoughts having found their way back to you. You had never been much of a dreamer, and you rarely liked to dream; you never felt rested enough in the morning after, but at times it was nice; more so if Rick was in them. Thoughts of how he was doing kept you up at times - as it was doing now - and you could only wonder where in the universe he currently was, but you'd almost forget about it if anxious thoughts took over, and problems you hadn't solved reappeared. Sometimes thoughts of the past intermingled with your dreams; as pleasant or heartbreaking as they could be.

Tossing and turning were options you could accept, but if he was available, you'd call Zeta-7 to hear him, and allow his cheerfulness to ease you into a gentle submission; to relax beyond compare, and leave you in a decent enough mood to doze. Why, you could listen to him explain anything from quantum mechanics to the variety of animal mutations which existed in a galaxy far, far away; to be lulled and softened by his cadence, was a treat you wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. If it happened on the rare chance that you were overcome by exhaustion, you'd just fall asleep as soon as your head hit your pillow; not understanding how or when you'd close your eyes, though you were always grateful when you did. However, if it so happened that you woke up randomly without a cause, but from a feeling, then you knew; you had just missed him; his existence being like a midnight soliloquy; like a ghost, he was sometimes there, but then wasn't; it wasn't that difficult to see why, but it still surprised you nonetheless.

It seemed that once you had given Rick the permission to visit whenever he liked, he did; being woken by the familiarity of his presence on more than one occasion. It was neither ambiguous or obscure, but there, like the air you breathed, being a living, positive force of goodness; vital to your existence. Just when you thought there were no other comparisons to be made, he continued to become and shape himself into the extraterrestrial being that he caused himself to be. Oh, some days you would miss him something fierce, but whenever you'd find yourself so alone, you'd remember that he'd come; whenever it was that he could.

Now, he wasn't sloppy, nor did he hide that he had come by, but he was careful. Quietly, he would check about the house, then would step into your bedroom with caution as though sleeping beauty might wake. At times you only caught the blur which barely stepped out of the doorway, or was soothed by the hand which smoothed out your hair, and other times it was just his scent which lingered; an echo of his existence. Once he sang you a Mexican love song, which made your heart burn, and it seemed interwoven into your half-woken state; having been so drowsy you thought you had dreamt it. And because he worked at random hours, and sometimes for days and weeks at a time, he'd come and lightly kiss you hello and goodbye before going back to work, though your recollections were few. It was precious, and you enjoyed it; at least when you were conscious of it. Most of the time, however, you were only aware of the warmth which touched your cheek and of the blanket which had been placed over you when you were cold; these being the other ways in which he showed you he loved you.

Yet, it happened one night, just as you were about to go to sleep after having spent a better part of the day typing, you saw the familiar green glow in the hallway, and then saw him come through your doorway. He looked at you as though you were a ghost, and you stared into the dark, your nowhere man being there; somewhere out of your reach. As you were about to turn on the light, his gentle touch stopped you. Unsure of what he was about, you didn't struggle as he pulled you into an embrace, but having him squeeze you with all his might, trembling despite himself left you unsettled. “Ricky," you wondered; a flutter of anxiety starting to build in your chest. "what's the matter?”

“I-I-I wish I could just stay here with you,” he began in a low voice; the scent of smoke and disinfectant coming off of him as you rubbed his back. “where n-nothing bad happens.”

He had smelled like this before; as though he had been busy with janitorial duties instead of sorting through papers or lab samples. “Bad day?”

“Y-yeah."

Bad wouldn't be the beginning as to describe it; of that you were sure. You assumed it was another case where he was responsible for the lowly, more humble work which his workmates didn't care to do; or was assigned as to demean him; bullied into doing; likely all of the above. “I'm sorry,” you softened. “I hope it wasn't that bad.”

“It's - I'll b-be fine. I just - I-I had to see you.”

A chill ran through your back. Under any other circumstances, you could've interpreted that as one of his romanticisms, but his quiet desperation brought about a fresh wave of worry instead. "But can you see me in the dark?"

"I wouldn't have been able to if it wasn't for my bionic eye. Did I-I tell you about that yet? I'm sorry if th-that sounds gross."

"I don't know if you told me yet. I guess now is a good time as ever, but maybe you can explain it in detail another day."

"I'm s-sorry, I know you were about t-t-to go to bed, but I - all I could think about was you."

Warmth flooded your cheeks, and you wished you had worn something cuter instead of an old pair of pajamas, but you knew he didn't care. Zeta-7 was lovely that way. You tried to think of something flirty to say in return, but a yawn escaped you instead."Boy, I really have bad timing, d-don't I?" he commented.

"Dear, don't get me wrong, I love having you here," Which was true in all respects, though you wondered if you could put him at ease. "but maybe… perhaps it would be better if we went to the living room. I can get you something warm to drink if you'd like.”

“Y-you don't have to do that." he said in a hurry. "Besides," he continued. "don't - don't I look better this way?”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you cooed.

“No, you don't. Why would you say that? I already know you as you are and I can say for certain that you are the light of my life. To me, you've always been handsome. In fact," you smiled up at him; unsure if he could see your sincerity. "you're the man of my dreams. I dream of you, of that darling smile, of your winning personality which lights up my days, and of your sweetness. Your unconditional sweetness. If you don't believe me, you can always check my dreams.”

“Gosh, if life….si la vida pudiera ser u-un sueño," he sighed, "then I'm sure it'd be you. If I-I had the time it'd be nice if we could - if I could dwell there; in that dreamland of yours. I bet it'd be swell, and normally I'd think all of that - all of which you suggested would be swell, but today hasn't been--it hasn't been that kind t-t-to me."

"I know, but isn't there anything I can do for you Rick?"

He didn't answer. You moved a hand to caress his face in hopes of soothing him but instead found a bump on his right cheek which caused him to wince. “What was that?"

"It's - it's nothing."

"Don't you lie to me Ricardo," you reprimanded. "this is something."

Gingerly, you followed where his skin was warmer than usual and was raised. Your heart sank at the thought of what could've happened. "Oh no, did they…. did they hurt you? What happened?"

A noise escaped him, but he neither confirmed nor denied. This, in turn, made you reluctant to want to return him to the monsters, but you knew he would go; whether or not you wanted him to. The villainy which existed in his kind and Zeta-7's rarity made him such an easy target. You had talked to him about it before, about how he should speak up, but the harsh reality of his situation prevented him from doing so, and you wondered how much more would they try to take from him. True, he wasn't a broken man, but even bravery needed its encouragement and you were going to love him all the more for it because that's all you could do at the moment. "My sweet, sweet man, do you know what I love about you?"

Passing a hand through his hair, you were careful not to brush his cheek, to which a sigh escaped him; the likes of it as though he only just now began to calm. You continued. "I love that no matter what, you'll persevere and continue to be determined. You're so strong, that I couldn't be prouder, but please, don't let them take you away from me."

The arms which had almost been lenient in their affection held you a fraction tighter; immovable in the way in which you were grounded. It was as though being in want of comfort, he in turn desired to return in kind; his impalpable emotions giving way to simpler, softer ones. "I missed you. I-I missed this. Warm hugs and a-affirmation."

"If it's hugs you want," you replied softly. "you can have as many as I can give you. Affirmation? I'll give you enough to reach the moon. I'm no scientist, but somehow, I know you could make it come true."

Warm lips kissed your forehead, and a relieved chuckle brushed your cheek. "The math w-would be nearly impossible."

"So there's a chance." you giggled.

Leaning in close enough, he pressed his forehead to yours. "Yes, th-there is if you believe it enough."

"I do believe, but more so I believe in you. How...how can it be that someone as incredible as you would be harmed by people who look the same? To hurt my man of all people? I ought to get some training and become your bodyguard or something. It just isn't right for anyone else to touch even a hair on your head."

“It um - it was an accident. I sh-should've been paying attention to where I was going. I know it seems bad, but it isn't." which you knew wasn't completely true. "However, I'll get it treated. I-I promise.”

"Why don't you let me take a look at it? I have a first aid kit in the hallway. And while I never finished my medical training, I know enough to treat this. Please, why not let me play nurse and help you feel a little better?"

“M-mi corazón, I would rather y-you don't see it. It looks worse th-then it actually is, but it's fine. Really, I-I swear it is. You've already done more than enough.”

Pulling away a bit, you wondered. "Have I? It seems all I've done is talk you into oblivion, but what about you?"

"Wh-what about me?" he wondered.

"It isn't like you to swear. I haven't heard you swear yet." you teased, pressing a soft kiss on his injury. "I doubt I ever will."

"It's not th-that kind of swear," he began to explain, but then he stopped, thought for a bit, then chuckled. "but I-I-I see what you're - I understand the joke."

You noticed that Zeta-7 avoided standing in the moonlight, and while you couldn't really see him, you didn't relent in your expressions. “Man, if I would've known you were coming over, I would've dressed up a little and made sure there was extra food for you to eat. I'm sorry.”

“It's alright, I-I already ate. I finally used my coupon for Rick's Diner near main street."

Playing with the collar of his sweater you wondered. "Was it any good?"

"It um - it was alright, but I think next time I'll pack some food to warm up. You um - you smell nice by the way. I'm sorry if I-I smell.”

By now, you had gotten used to the variety of smells which could've wafted off him. He had smelled better and worse before, but that only added to his curious ways and charms. "Well, if you're so worried about it, then why don't you stop being so shy and come a little closer. That way you could smell like me."

The silence which proceeded was almost frightening. Hmm, you might've gone too far again, but you couldn't help yourself; half the time he opened the way for light teasing. And yet, you had told yourself before that it wasn't so kind to play with an old man's heart; despite the best of intentions, it might not have been perceived that way, but in the quiet of the room, you could feel his mature heart quicken at your words, and the light rustle of clothes as he fidgeted despite himself. He was so adorable, it was almost criminal, but before he could stumble upon himself in embarrassment, you added. "I was just kidding. Goodness, I guess I have bad timing too. At least where jokes are concerned. Still, to have you here…it's better than a dream."

Again, there was a silence that proceeded and you felt the tug of doubt, but he broke the silence with his sincerity. "I-I never thought you - that I'd be so lucky to enjoy moments like th-this. Let alone with a-a woman."

"In the dark?"

"Whenever. I'm s-sorry I still get embarrassed, but you make me nervous at times. Y-you can be a little unpredictable."

"Good," you brightened. "keeps things exciting. Though, everytime you say something like that, it makes me wonder if it'd be the last time I'd hear you say it. It better not be."

"In my line of work," he admitted solemnly, "there's always a-a chance of that happening, but it's not - I don't like to think about it. However, it does make me appreciate that I'm able to have someone when I - when I'm lonely. I know how pitiful that sounds and how much I repeat it, but you don't know how it's been a great comfort. If you weren't here I'd…"

Though the words died in his throat. You had a feeling as to what he might've meant to say, and frankly, you were glad to not have heard them. Rubbing his back, you cooed. "It's okay. It's all going to be fine. I don't mind how many times you tell me, because I know how much you mean it. I'm right here if you need me. As I am now, and always will be. If you'd like anything...if you need to or want some fresh clothes to change into, I'm sure I can find something around here that might fit. If you want to stay here with me, that's ok too. Whatever you need, I'll be happy to help."

"Allowing me t-t-to come here is more than enough."

Resting a hand on his chest you wondered. "Are you sure? You could stay. Couldn't you stay?"

"I-I wish I could princess. You don't know how much I'd rather be here, but I-I don't want them coming here t-t-to retrieve me, so it's better if I go soon."

"Why?"

"If the guard Rick's have to retrieve me one too many times, they might limit my portal gun use and I'd rather avoid that."

"I swear, I think there's a curse keeping us apart."

Caressing your cheek with the pad of his thumb, he chuckled. “By now, I ugh - I suppose I've become a bit of a broken record, but I promise I'll make it up to you. Curses and swearing aside that is."

"I know."

You didn't want him to go. Not back to those people who couldn't appreciate him. How he put up with it you didn't know. “Maybe one of these days, you could skip out on work and we'll go somewhere. Maybe we could go to Blips and Chitz, and I'll try that one dance game designed for spider people. Wouldn't that be nice? Then we could go see the Jerry's and I can get asked embarrassing questions all about you. How does that sound?”

Bending down to kiss you, he winced but kissed you nonetheless. “That would be swell, but w-we can't go tonight. I-I should get going. I had wanted to make sure you were safe, but it's nice t-t-to see you up. I hope you didn't mind me barging in this way.”

“I don't mind, but I only wish that I could be awake more often when you're here.”

“I-I know, but it's okay. I usually can't stay for long anyway.”

What a shame it really was. You hid your face in his chest, relishing in the warmth and softness of his sweater while you still could; foolishly hoping that he would change his mind. Who would've known he could be so stubborn. Then again, you couldn't find fault in that. “Maybe if I ask the sandman hard enough to bring me a dream," you admitted in a girlish voice. "then I'll see you again real soon."

"I will see you. Y-you only have to look for me."

"In my dreams?"

"If y-you believe."

You pulled him in for a kiss then, pressing peck after peck knowing that he would disappear. You knew he didn't get enough affection already, and he'd have to make due with what you could give him, but was it really enough? You'd never know. With one arm around you, his other was digging around in his pockets for his portal gun. And just as his fingers lightly brushed it, you stopped him and handed him your favorite stuffed animal. “Huh? F-for me?”

“Mhm. That's Bimbo, he'll be sure to keep you safe. He um…my dad had always told me that this stuffy would keep me safe and I consider him one of the dearest friends in the world, but right now I know I'm not the only one who could use a friend. I'm sure he'd be happy to keep you company for a while."

"But h-he's important to you."

"True, but you're the most important to me. Now, something to remember is that he likes to give plenty of hugs and enjoys tea parties, though he would never readily admit it."

"I-I like those things too."

"See? You two are going to be good friends. There's no doubt that you two will get along."

The arm which had been holding you about your waist held you a fraction tighter, and if you hadn't given him a light push, he might've not been encouraged to go. “You gotta let me go now. I don't want you to get in trouble. Please, just make sure to return to me in one piece. Understand?.”

“Yes, I-I-I do. I will.” he answered, before opening a portal and stepping through.

The warmth he had brought was already growing cold. And checking the time, you were sure that you weren't going to get a wink. So dragging the duvet cover with you, you plopped yourself on the couch and flipped through Interdimensional cable, until you found a movie you've might've watched a dozen times before; snuggling into the pillow that still smelled like him; hoping that he will be fine.

Fin

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years

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Secret Wars 2099 #1-5 Thoughts...kinda

As I have no memories, nor apparently any records, of covering this story when it originally released I figured I’d do it as part of my re-reading project.

So the first things I should make clear is that I DID read these issues cover to cover...but in the trade. So if the recap pages of the original issues did something wonky I don’t know about that. Also I’m not covering these issue by issue. There are a few reasons for that.

For starters that’d be more time consuming and whilst I’m never going to make this deadline I’m trying to blast through Spidey 2099 volume 3 as early into the upcoming 2099 event as possible. My pie in the sky plan was to get it done before ASM #833 but that’s not happening now because shit got in my way. Secondly I’ve already read these issues as they were coming out and so I wanted to make the experience more novel for myself and see how they held up as one big story not a set of individual ones.

Due to this I’m likely not going to get into the nitty gritty of this story as I would issue to issue, pulling out ‘this one panel was weird’ and so forth. I’m going to try and discuss the story as an overview.

And from that perspective this was very enjoyable but does have you scratching your head when trying to reconcile it within continuity. On that fro there are three ways to view it.

a) Within classic 2099 continuity

b) Within the then current 2099 continuity off the heels of Spidey 2099 volume 2

c) And within the continuity that’s yet to come. Maybe I even mentioned that in the posts I did for Spidey 2099 volume 3, I don’t remember and don’t want to spoil myself by checking. I DO remember Roberta/Captain America returns which makes continuity confusing

In fact continuity from all 3 POVs is confusing. I think the best thing to do is to treat this as kind of like the RYV Secret Wars continuity. That is to say it’s not about the ACTUAL versions of the characters you’ve come to know and when we next see the new characters introduced here those will be alternate versions of these guys.

In a sense this is a kind of conceptual part of PAD’s over all story. It exists so you know that there are/could be versions of these characters and concepts ‘out there’ and they could show back up in his main story. Similarly the All-New X-Factor issue that hinted at this series did so more conceptually. The idea being a big corporation who own their own superhero team. This series doesn’t directly pick up those plot threads but it’s conceptually similar, maybe even the intention is that Miguel got the idea for his Avengers from that story.

I don’t know though because this Miguel is drastically different to the one we’ve been following from Superior onwards. Now I’m not familiar with the 90s 2099 stuff much but IIRC Miguel does become the head of Alchemax and his father Tyler Stone is wheelchair bound so is this supposed to be diverging off that? I dunno.

Enough about continuity though, taking this story in isolation as I said it’s enjoyable. There isn’t much wrong with it beyond one notable thing and a few nitpicks.

Nitpicks would be stuff like how the ending feels kind of weird. It bookends the start of the story but I just feel outright showing us something that we already knew (that Black Widow 2099 acts like a literal black widow and kills her lovers) just wasn’t a fitting end for this story. It’s not that it is gross so much as it just feels odd and out of place. Like there was a more fitting coda for this story than following the minor exploits of a minor character amidst this story.

The more notable problem is a plot one. This isn’t a deal breaker but I just don’t really understand the relevance of Mordo 2099’s business card being in the Specialist’s pocket. It’s the instigator for most of the plot and yet the Specialist didn’t seem to have anything to do with Mordo. Was it just a coincidence? Was it planted there to throw the Avengers off Tyler Stone’s trail? It’s never explained. I suppose it could be a coincidence but then that’s rather lazy writing beneath PAD’s usual talents.

Beyond that the story is fun but fairly simple.

Essentially this boils down to the Avengers and Defenders meet, fight, interact a bit more, fight some more (with some Avengers siding with the Defenders) and then they team up to beat a bigger threat.

Not much else goes on, but that’s not a bad thing.

This story didn’t need to be Kraven’s Last Hunt or Watchmen.

It was just a fun superhero action story, which frankly is usually all that Avengers or Defenders stories ever amount to. Substance is a rarity for ether team, you want that check out the F4 or X-men.

What this series excels at is filling in some blanks from the original 2099 universe line, revisiting some old characters from it, introducing some new versions of old faces (like Silver Surfer and Hercules) and just giving you enough for each character for there to be some fun interactions. Maybe that’s all a bit basic but fun is fun.

We never had an Avengers nor Defenders 2099 back when the line exists, at least not as far as I know. And the idea that classic characters like Hercules, Valkyrie and the Surfer would still be around makes a lot of sense. The 2099 reimaginings of older characters are also quite fun. Black Widow literally being a woman who eats her lovers was obvious and yet novel. Hawkeye being a hawk/human hybrid was something different from the 616 version. Hercules being a standing for Thor was a brilliant balance of something new yet familiar. Iron Man and Vision 2099 were novel twists on the classic characters. The characters bounced off each other nicely (especially Hercules and Sub-Mariner) and there were some fun match ups.

The stand out (possibly because PAD had plans for her) though is Roberta Mendez, a.k.a. Captain America 2099. If anyone was the main character in this it was her. She was the most out and out heroic and a worthy heir to Steve’s legacy.

In recent years there has been much, shall we say, ‘heated debate’ regarding female characters, poc characters, female body depictions in comics and legacy characters.

Roberta has oddly been left unmentioned in this discussion which is strange as she ticks all the above boxes and yet is also one of the best examples of how to do such characters.

She is not stereotypically sexy, and the story points out the ‘wrongness’ of that. But it places it in the mouth of a minor character who is bad, and beyond that doesn’t dwell on the topic. I think this is smart because it acknowledges potential backlash but also doesn’t become self-indulgent in calling it out. I think that’s part of the umbridge a lot of people feel. The lack of subtlety and the frankly obnoxious degree to which a lot of modern comics attempt to call out bad actors or problematic views. PAD demonstrates the right way to handle this rather than Jason Aaron’s tactics in his Jane Foster Thor run for instance.

More importantly Roberta isn’t built up as heroic or better than her peers or anyone else through unearned tactics. This isn’t Riri Williams or Rey from Star Wars who’s acclaim in story is rather handed to them. She is a corporate stooge and a tool (one who’s literally activated and deactivated), but one with a conscience. And that conscience lets her fight back and make the right choices, but she isn’t a true blue enemy of ‘the system’. She’s morally and ethically compromised as Captain America and entirely clueless and vulnerable as Roberta. But she still saves people, she still helps people, she still has a moral code and she still believes in Steve Rogers’ values. She is a capable combatant and yet far from invincible.

In short...she’s a flawed super hero. It’s a feat of balanced writing that is worth of applause on PAD’s part as I count myself a fan of Roberta a lot actually.

The second most interesting character in this is Miguel.

Miguel’s portrayal here is interesting in general because it’s a departure from what you would expect having read volume 2 or possibly 2099 in general. He is absolutely the head of a big bad corporation. And he uses people. He is willing to enforce his corporate authority unethically. He is NOT a good person. In volume 2 you could describe him as anti-hero lite. He was more violent and clearly more willing to take life than Peter Parker but he wasn’t the Punisher or Wolverine. He was on the side of the angels but wasn’t one of them basically. Here though he’s definitely not on the side of the angels...but he’s also not on the side of the demons either. Rather he occupies this interesting spot in the middle as his Alchemax Avengers are doing good things and he does let the Defenders go at the end of everything. And yet he does safeguard Alchemax’s safety and legacy and manipulates Roberta.

This is another feat of writing as Miguel can’t be easily put into a box marked good nor bad or even anti-hero.

As for the art, I feel it’s a step down from what Sliney was doing in Spidey 2099 volume 2 but it’s still good, it gets the job done and the reinventions of older heroes works.

All in all if you have the time and cash, and aren’t expecting anything mind blowing I’d recommend checking this out.

#Marvel 2099 #Secret Wars 2099 #Secret Wars 2015 #Spider-Man 2099 #Peter David #Miguel O'Hara #roberta mendez #Captain America 2099 #Avengers 2099 #Defenders 2099

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purfectmlpblog · 5 years

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...alright fuq it lemme explain my thoughts about the finale spoilers lol

Don’t worry, I WILL be posting this under a read-more so PLEASE turn away and ignore this now (especially with some “spoiler” tags on if you use ‘em) if you don’t want to be spoiled for the finale until it officially airs. I just can’t contain my thoughts no more after ponderin’ them and who knows when it’ll officially air in English (’cause slow schedules can be a pain to deal with lol) sooooo... yeah you’ve been warned xp

...Ooooh boi, well admittedly I kinda skimmed through what the whole plot was about behind the last three episodes (I was moreso focused on all the stuff happening for “The Last Problem” so lol), but I’ll try to keep it brief for the most part:

-So... that whole thing about Grogar being the last “big bad” was just a total lie... since apparently it was just Discord masking himself as the guy just to give Twilight one last battle to face? ...Ehhh, I get that he apparently had “good intentions” but this just seems to be pushing it too far even for Discord’s standards tbh... like these are his friends now (including Fluttershy, his best friend) so why would he allow this much risk to be thrown at them for the sake of just teaching them a valuable lesson about overcoming obstacles? ._. Then again, this IS Discord we’re talking about so him pulling some shady stuff like this is to be expected, I guess? Idk...

-As another twist to the trio of bad guys... NONE of them get redeemed at the end (not even Cozy Glow... who again, is nothing more than a whiny child compared to Chrysalis and Tirek :P), as they all pretty much get blasted with the same stone spell that Discord was under for what I can presume to be forever. I mean... had Sombra been placed in Cozy Glow’s position then I guess I’d be a bit more satisfied with this kind of ending for them instead of feeling questionable about it (’cause again, Cozy’s young age ^^;)... but at the same time, for what it is it’s at least a refreshing change of pace from just having them all instantly forgiven and befriended by all the main heroes. Now that would’ve been cringey... >_<

-We got a reaaally big group of cameos from many past ponies/other creatures from the show to aid in the final battle, including Sunset and a few of the MLP movie characters like Tempest, Capper and Skystar! o.o A shame that Captain Celaeno couldn’t have been added along with them but still, pretty cool to see that particular trio regardless along with my girl Sunset ❤️ about time the main show acknowledged her importance to Twilight -.-

-Moving onto the big finale itself, “The Last Problem”, we cut ahead to I presume to be a couple decades or so since the last episode... where Twilight and her friends are all grown up and leading their own lives as Twilight’s pupil (Luster Dawn, was it?) comes to prepare herself for her own first friendship lesson. Surprisingly, unlike past finales it’s not so much a really heavy or action-packed episode but more of a “relaxing breather” kinda filler... yet still pushes the feels the more we get to see the aged-up cast and realize how this truly is the end for our heroes :(

-We’re also given a nice flashback to Twilight’s coronation as Equestria’s new leader, though it didn’t go according to plan it still provided some heartwarming feels to teach that friendships will always remain solid even if some end up moving far away. Awww ;w;.

-As for the “Grown up” designs themselves... I’m kinda torn, tbh lol

On one hand, I do like Rainbow’s, Fluttershy’s, and AJ’s older looks just fine. AJ’s especially gives me the feels looking at it ‘cause of the shawl... really hits in that poor Granny Smith is no longer around by this time :( at least she’ll always keep her memory strong in her heart ❤️

As for Twilight, Rarity, Spike and Pinkie... ehhhh ^^;. Rarity’s sparkly shawl is rather pretty though that big grey steak in her hair kinda clashes too much with the regular purple imo, Pinkie’s beehive look could’ve been fine if they just took out all that random junk in her hair, and while part of me kinda likes the “ethereal princess-y” vibes of Twilight (despite the rather dark implications that she’s gonna outlive her friends now ;-;)... the fact that she still sounds like her old dorky self when speaking kinda kills the effect for me... plus idk if only a couple decades in the future would be enough to make her this tall as an alicorn, I mean even Luna (who’s older than her) is alot shorter so it’s just a little off-putting to me to see her so “Celestia”-sized ^^;. And as for Spike... yeah, I don’t even know what’s going on there, so... let’s just move on, please lol.

So then we get to look over how everyone else in Ponyville’s doing, with so many new species living there now, some old kiddos grew up like the CMC and the Cake twins, Starlight and her friends (plus the Student 6) continuing to run the friendship school together, and apparently some canon couples started to thrive during this time too including Lyra and Bon Bon, Big Mac and Sugar Belle, and... Pinkie and Cheese? o.o

...Um, wow lol Wasn’t really expecting that considering that most of Cheese and Pinkie’s previous screentime together (which was only in like, two episodes?) wasn’t really that romantic from what I can recall, but guess the writers decided to just throw it in anyway ‘cause it’s a popular ship? lol I mean, not like it’s a bad one or anything but it still feels a bit randomly-placed in a narrative sense imo ^^;

Speaking of their daughter (Lil Cheese, I think?), while I do think she’s cute, part of me is kinda disappointed that they didn’t really get more creative with her design like they’ve done for Flurry Heart and the Cake twins :c. Color-wise she looks okay but... why just make her a recolor of her mom’s filly design? .-. Even putting her hair in some pigtails or something would’ve worked better imo.

-Some more design nitpicks I had were certain weirdly placed hairstyles like Pumpkin Cake’s and Diamond Tiara’s, as well as why Gummy the alligator just looks like he resized into a giant than legitimately grew into an adult lol. Also this might also be nitpicky but why exactly is everyone (minus Twilight) so old-looking with grayed hair and/or eye bags (ex. Rarity and Sugar Belle), when a couple of them have school-aged children at this point? .-. Hell, even most of the Mane 6′s parents didn’t look this old (including Twilight’s, and they’ve got a granddaughter lol), so I’m kinda confused by this type of design choice tbh.

-I don’t really remember if they explicitly stated what happened to the old princesses during this time since they didn’t show up again, nor what the final fates of Shining Armor and Cadence were (save for a brief shot of Flurry Heart having her own stain-glass window in the throne room). Idk, just would’ve been nice to have gotten more explicit about that ‘cause I don’t wanna think of these poor royals being gone now with just Twilight being the leader now ;-;

-I guess there was also a couple “implied” ships thrown in too like Fluttershy and Discord (though that one might be more “loose” to interpret, depending on how much you like the ship) and apparently AJ and Rainbow Dash seem to be having something “deeper” going on considering they specifically walked in together when all the other Mane 6 walked in individually into the throne room. Hmmm...?

-And lastly after a bit more filler and than a montage song of the Mane 6 harmonizing together one last time, we get to close off the entire episode, season, and series with one final shot of the heroes standing on a sunset-y hillside together, saying goodbye to Twilight’s student who goes off on her own friendship adventures... and then the screen fades to a book closing as a call back to the very first episode of the series over 9 years ago... where the exact same book opened up to start off our beloved show to begin with T-T

....aaaand yeah my feels exploded over again, sorry T-T. Despite the lil nitpicks I had here and there (and how I wish certain plot holes could’ve been handled better in hindsight), this was still a really sweet and thoughtful way to end MLP: FiM with one last batch of fluff like this... the end of a good 9-year run of the show which’ll surely leave a special place in every fan’s hearts, including mine ❤️

Though again, like I mentioned before I still won’t be considering any of this actually “canon” in the main universe I’m setting up, which is all basically an AU at this point since I haven’t really been keeping up with the show as frequently to care much for sticking with the main canon :p. For my fellow content creators, please don’t be afraid to keep working on your own next gens and such btw, even if some of it might be contradicted in this particular finale I’d say anyone is free to make their own interpretations however they want, canon or no canon~ ;p

Hope y’all understand that well and I hope you guys have a great rest of your day! 😃

#mlp spoilers #purfy chat #long post #mlp season 9 spoilers #mlp finale spoilers #spoilers

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krixwell-liveblogs · 5 years

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Worm asks

Have you tried to give D&D alignments to The Travelers yet, and if not how would you classify them?

Hmm.

Trickster: True neutral

Sundancer: Neutral good

Ballistic: Chaotic neutral

Genesis: ???

Noelle: Lawful? good

Oliver: Chaotic nerd

Gurer’f abguvat vaqvfchgnoyl njshy tbvat guebhtu, ohg V’q qrsvavgryl yvxr gb frr yrff uvagvat znxr vg guebhtu gur fperravat gb Xevk

Sharks: Fher guvat. V’ir orra ehaavat bss gur vqrn gung vs vg’f va gur sbezng bs na ubarfg dhrfgvba, va beqre gb nibvq nabgure Fpragyrff Zna vapvqrag, ohg V pna svarghar vg vs crbcyr jnag?

As usual, translate here.

While you’re checking out all the Simurgh fanart, you should listen to this theme someone made for her: (google Simurgh Husr, first result. Hopefully sharks can just replace this with the actual link) Same person who made that Leviathan theme linked way back.

https://soundcloud.com/user-371879520/simurgh

This was really nice. I like how it does sound like a good melody while at the same time exhibiting some of the pattern-defying nature of the tune. 🙂

I think you miiiight have jumped to conclusions from an ask that simply asked you if you could list the Traveler’s cape and civilian names. Miiight have. Also, I’m pretty sure most of them where refered to by their civilian names in previous arcs.

It’s certainly possible.

It’s not so much that I jumped to the conclusion as that the ask opened my eyes to the possibility of it, which I hadn’t considered before. From there, I had to reevaluate things and consider how things would change if it turned out I had gotten the two mixed up. Ultimately I think I’d prefer for Cody to be Ballistic, but I’m still not sure either way (even with this ask heavily implying it’s Luke).

As for names, most of their names did show up (all the more reason for an ask about matching names to capes being kind of odd if it wasn’t trying to set me thinking of something), but I can’t recall Ballistic’s being one of them. But you know how my memory can be.

That smurf song you posted definitely says “dab dab dab” several times, despite the video being uploaded to YouTube in 2009, and the song supposedly being from 1978. So that’s suspicious as hell.

I… think that has to be the bits where it actually says “tramp, tramp, tramp på en smurf” (“stomp, stomp, stomp on a smurf”).

Either way, now we’re all forced to consider the concept of the Smurfs dabbing, so thanks for that. 😛

“Dragonberry” was Scarfgirl’s old character on City of Heroes, a MMORPG with a superhero theme that no longer exists. I know you’re not reading the chapter comments, but if you ever go back to read the early ones, you’ll see that quite a lot of the early readers were City of Heroes players who had an interest in superhero fiction. That’s why Scarfgirl’s art is signed “Dragonberry”, because it’s how people knew her back then.

Ah, interesting. Fun to hear a little about the fandom’s early history. 🙂

I’ve had many names, myself. Once upon a time I used to make a different name, if not more, for just about every site I was on. One of the names that stuck with me the most was Elementarion, which I used in the game Godville and a few other places (not every Elementarion that comes up on Google now is me, though), because I found long-time friends while using that name.

Though for some reason I wonder why 😛, nobody seemed to want to type it out every time they wanted to mention me. I’ve been called almost every short form of Elementarion there is. El was the most common (made watching Stranger Things kinda odd the first time around, even though I’d long abandoned the name), but I’ve been called Ele, Elem, Eleme, Elemen, Element…

A couple other highlights I remember were Hiatus (in a browser game I don’t remember the name of), OldHeavens (NewGrounds) and Barbute (ArmorGames).

It wasn’t until I came up with Krix Jace, later Krixwell Jace, that I started stabilizing my name.

1. Do you think people ever submit misleading questions just to fuck with you?

Some, probably. And that might be a good thing — if there are some asks that deliberately imply things that are wrong, it makes it harder to trust accidental implications of things that are right.

2. Have you ever noticed that Danny and Eidolon have never been in a scene together?

Hmmmmmm 🤔

Still no Travelers interlude… do you still think you’ll get one, or has this dashed your hopes?

Ahaha

Yeah, no, I’m counting this as everything I asked for and more. 😛

Sharks:

http://www.nospoiler.com/y/WenCYI_Bn7I

Sent in by “ewerwqer”. “Simurgh Scream” by person257 Don’t… Open it with headphones on. Trust me. Don’t.

I’m scared.

*disconnects his headphones*

…not as bad as the description sounded, but yeah, probably a good idea to not use headphones. It’s a well put-together bit of mind noise, nice work. 🙂

Worm fanart

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By Winkle92

Oooh, there are more of these? Awesome! They’re all going in my backgrounds folder.

I love how Behemoth just kinda peeks around the corner of the image border. It’s okay, don’t be shy!

(Also I just discovered I can do slideshows. Neat.)

K6BD ask

My favorite part is the Master of Aesthetic saying “she is an idiot, and a loathsome schemer!” and YISUN is all “YEP, YOU GOT THAT ONE RIGHT 😀 😀 :D”. With Aesma standing right there.

YISUN is the type of person who has “precious trash babies” in every fandom they’re in. 😛

I feel like you all need to know, even if you don’t care about MLP:FiM, that the final episode of the show proved us all wrong.

The show’s resident Skitter is not Queen Chrysalis, the villainous, scheming ruler of a hive full of insect ponies.

Nor is it Twilight Sparkle, the mainest character and socially awkward brainiac who leads a team of five other main characters and always does her research if she can.

No, because of this one episode, it becomes clear:

It’s Rarity.

…

Okay, that’s just a joke, Twilight is still the best fit among the Mane Six, but Rarity using spiders for her fashion did immediately make me think of Taylor.

Twilight – Taylor

Applejack – Brian

Rainbow Dash – Rachel

Rarity – Lisa

Fluttershy – Alec??

Pinkie Pie – Aisha??

(Spike – Shatterbird??????)

K6BD patron comments

1. “What happened to Hansa” is addressed in the Prim story so that’s still out there if you want to know.

Ahh. That would explain why it was left unexplained in Aesma, aside from acting as a noodle incident if you haven’t read Prim.

2. As you observed, the word “demon” has appeared very rarely in the comic, outside of epic title drops & an instance where drunk Allison used it in place of “devil”. It’s used in some of the bonus texts but without a clear definition. Can you speculate further on what it might mean?

The priests seem to call Aesma a demon in the sense of a being of evil, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a definition that’s relevant to the comic’s title (and what appears to be Allison’s “name” in some sense, though the Demiurges do seem to have misinterpreted other parts of the prophecy and Zoss didn’t unambiguously use it as a name). It may be more about inner demons, Allison killing her fears, doubts and insecurities as she grows into the role of a king/queen of the cosmos. Six billion might be hyperbole, in that case, but still.

Alternatively, the prophecy and name might actually refer to Zaid, who could easily end up being the final villain of this thing even if he’s not actually Zoss’ intended successor. In that case, “six billion demons” might refer to humans, if Zaid gets really nasty with his own species. We know very little about Zaid’s base personality beyond “kinda sleazy boyfriend”, so a lot of developments are plausible on that front.

Though there are other parts of the prophecy, as well as illustrations, that do fairly clearly indicate Kill Six Billion Demons is Allison and will be flanked by White Chain and Ciocie, so it referring to Zaid is unlikely.

3. I think the author once said that there are still Aesma-worshippers active in Throne. What do you think they’re like and what would she think of them?

(Somehow the flesh sellars come to mind.)

Well, clearly they’d be Slytherins, if they understand her teachings. Aesma might treat them as ants, if she were still around, but bask in their adoration.

4. Kalpa — a Hindu / Buddhist concept meaning a really fucking long time. Besides in the story you just read, the term has also appeared in the comic at least once so far.

Good to know. I think I kind of just assumed it was Throne’s equivalent of a year, however long it might be.

5. Panopticon — a prison design envisioned by philospopher Jeremy Bentham, allowing all prisoners to be observed from a central point.

Makes sense. When I read it in Aesma’s story, the word’s construction was clear enough that I figured out what it was immediately, before I finished reading the sentence. It very clearly means a place from which to see everything.

6. Root — penis.

Yeah, I figured that one out. 😛

7. To offset the unfortunate scarcity of Cio in your life lately, here’s some of the old concept art:

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(The quantity of arms was somewhat uncertain.)

Oooh.

Her arms and legs look so spidery here. I suppose that might be why she was introduced with the Coat of Arms.

Can Skitter control her?

8. Not related to K6BD but Abaddon has also been working on a tabletop mecha RPG and here’s the very nice cover art:

Ooh, you’re right, this looks very nice. It kind of gives me a K6BD x Steven Universe x Star Wars vibe. And a little bit of RWBY with that one guy that reminds me of Tyrian. I can definitely see the resemblance between this an K6BD in terms of character design style, despite the genre shift.

I particularly like the blonde in the lower left.

In the interest of transparency, I should also mention that the patron has said he probably won’t sponsor full liveblogs of any of the other bonus texts, but has sent me a few recommendations and links to some of the ones I’ve passed (besides Prim). I might read some of those on my own time, though, especially the second Aesma story. If I do, I will of course let you know and discuss any particularly notable observations.

Between: PB7

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madagascanoverseas-blog · 4 years

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Everything started that night of September 1998 when I was supposed to board a plane to Lyon, France for the purpose of studying. Had I known that night that my study trip will not see its end in France, but will continue to the state of Pennsylvania in the US, then later to Australia, and a few years down the line, to Canada where I do live with my wife and son, I am convinced that I might said to myself « That is just impossible »!On this night of september 1998, the air at Antananarivo Ivato Airport is hot and dry as the summer season is about to strike back again. My father will accompany me as it was the first time I am leaving Madagascar, my country, for such a long time. We will be spending a few days in Paris before heading to Lyon, where I will be commencing a school of hospitality.For most of the Malagasy youngsters like myself, it is in fact very usual to pursue one studies in France once we obtained our HSC or High school diploma; the reason being the fact that we speak French and that France is generally the country we tend to know about the most outside Madagascar obviously. I have had one or two classmates in Madagascar who went directly pursuing their education outside of France, but in general very few dared to pursue directly their studies to a country like the US or Canada.

That being said, I will always remember that night of september as despite of being mentally prepared, I surely knew I had so much challenges ahead to overcome, and I was even more aware that there were greater chances for me to fail than to make it! I knew it because since I was a child, I never left my parents for more than 10 days…and that was only once during a trip organized by my high school (La Clairefontaine) for us to visit Washington. But that was it!!! Apart from that accompanied trip, I really never had the chance to be on my own nor experience what I would be capable of should I be alone in an unknown environment.

I CANNOT EVER FORGET

I will always remember the face of my mother and my sister who were there at the airport; I can hardly erase from my memory this face of my mom seeing me going away and knowing that I was leaving for some time at least. I will also remember this Air France plane – having a big logo of a French kid holding a ball as Farnce has just won the Word Cup a few months ago – waiting for us to board. Also, I will never forget the next morning when we were flying right next to the very famous « Mont blanc ». At that very moment, I knew I was already flying over Europe. I will never forget my fathe’s words as the aircraft started to descend over Paris that day and as I was trying to familiarize myself with all those names that I saw on the map…at that moment, he said to me « well, that would be your country for the next three years ». With all the emotions of the departure, I still couldn’t realize that I have really left home, and that I left behind me everything I Knew, every place I was familiar with, everyone wiwth whom I used to share things. Now on, I have to be on my own and find my own way…here in this country….

In this article, I will be expose some insights about myself, about my personal stories as well as the different challenges I was facing. But more importantly, this article is also about providing advices in regards to travel overseas or settling in a foreign country.

I have also written this Blog as a Malagasy perspective dealing with overseas travels is of an extreme rarity. Most of the Blogs, articles, critics, history books, for example, about Madagascar, have been mostly written by non-Malagasy individuals. Also, most of the blogs, travels, articles existing on the net are hardly produced or written by any persons from the island of Madagascar. Today, by dropping a few lines here, I hope that there would be some changes, and invite other Malagasy both overseas and in Madagascar, to share their experiences or their talents online as I know that there are a lot of bright young people down there, bust most are not just given the opportunity to prove that.

LET’S START ABOUT THE DECISION PROCESS OF STUDYING OVERSEAS:

Even though I am writing this blog on the behalf of Malagasy students, it is also designed to help ANYONE who just has dreams to study overseas. It can be a US student wishing to spend 2 semesters in Argentina for example who wishes to study Spanish.

I have a youtube channel which displays different videos about my trip to Australia as well as Canada, but not limited to those. If you are interested to have a look at them, please go to:

www.youtube.com/channel/UCBY350-Kgd7X4umOAuCJk9A

WHAT SHOULD I DO FIRST WHEN PLANNING TO TRAVEL TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY?

first, do your research. get to know about the country/countries you plan to go to.

Secondly, if you can, try to get in touch with some people there

THE BIG QUESTION: SHOULD I SAY OR SHOULD I GO?

This question has no YES or NO answer, as it depends firstly on different parameters, notably:

external parameters: (the country you are going, whether you go alone or with someone else) and

internal parameters : your personality, you historical backgrounds, whether or not you were exposed to some individualistic environment, etc…

Some people that I knew when I was in Madagascar, were very bright and had all the skills they needed to succeed academically; however, among those people, many have grown within a highly non-individualistic environment. In other words, once overseas, they were struggling to adapt to an environment which different from theirs on a cultural standpoint. Many were also missing their friends back home, and that had huge consequences of their overseas stays in general, and many of them ended up abandoning their studies and coming back to Madagascar.

I also came across some Malagasy youngsters who chose France as a place to study, but for some reasons, did not fit in. Among those, some just came back home as they thought they were not fit to study overseas, but some others tried another option, which consisted of moving for example to Germany or to the UK, and as strange as it may seem, ended up adjusting just fine!!! So here, it was the French cultural and social environments, which were the causes of the problem.

FOR ME, WHAT WAS MY SECRET WHEN I SETTLED IN FRANCE

Well, as I said earlier, unlike my cousins or friends, I had no prior experiences about how it is to live away from parents and even less about how to live overseas, far from the loved ones.

But I remember each of the very first days I have spent in Lyon when I just arrived. In fact, the day we were supposed to travel to Lyon, there was an incident that happened to us at the Gare de Lyon, in Paris. That day, we arrived earlier as we thought that having lunch before the trip would be a nice idea. We then sat at a cafe inside the Gare de Lyon station, and as we were waiting for our order, a man poked at my dad and showed his vest. He then checked it and saw this huuuuuuge stain made of ketchup at the back of his suit…he was. shocked. At that moment, none of us realized what was to happen, but just a few seconds later, my dad realized that one of our bag has vanished (yes, just to let some Malagasy people know, there are many pickpockets in Paris!!!!). This is when we realized that our passports have also disappeared!!! Once we finished eating, we went to report to a police station and they issued us with a document allowing me to stay on the French territory for just 8 days!!! That means, I had just 8 days to lodge my application at the prefecture de Lyon!

We then travelled to Lyon and once there, explained the incident to the student adviser. It was so kind of him to offer me assistance while I was so far away from Madagascar, as when my father flew back to Madagascar with only a « laisser passer », he really assisted me to liaise with the prefecture de police as well as with the Madagascar consulate in Lyon, so I can obtain a new passport as well as a « carte de sejour » or permit of stay. As strange as it may seem, this incident has helped me to settle into the new hospitality school, while from time to time, making jokes about it with my new French friends!

Then, time went on and progressively, I made this new environment my home. I managed to make new friends, some of whom were French, but some were also Asians, namely from Korea and Indonesia. Both invited me to join some party, to eat soup, and two of my french friends invited me as well in their native region of Cher and Jura.

But you are probably wondering if from time to time, I missed my parents. Sure many times, and feeling lonely was something I considered being normal the first six months of any stays away from one’s family.

That being said, being a person growing with the « half-filled up glass » philosophy, I tended to be happy with what I had, and this was always the way I have always been. each day, I remained positive, saying to myself that everything will just work fine! But on the other hand, I told to myself: « If I should fail in this enterprise, I will just pack my bag and fly back home to Madagascar », and continue my studies there. Those thoughts have ,in my opinion, allowed me to remain calm as well as confident during those first crucial months of my stay in France.

AND THEN..

And then, after having spent 7 months in this hospitality school, I am leaving to to join the ISEG, a management school based in Lyon. Over there, I will be get acquainted with new French friends. The school is itself will last 2 years and after that time, with the help of my uncle Thomas who found that school for me by the way, I will choose to apply for this French-american school (called CEFAM) for another 2 years. Their principle is simple: students do the foundation courses in France, earn credits on each course they pass and then, can apply to US-universities once all conditions are met. Upon my registration at CEFAM though, I have met with the director who gave me credits for many of my classes taken at ISEG, which had allowed me to earn credits towards my BBA degree as well as some precious time, and more importantly, this had allowed us to save money as well on tuition fees!

But once I was about to earn all the credits from CEFAM this time (as I planned to pursue my studies in the US), the same director who gave me credits a few years before, sabotaged many foreign students applications, including mine!!! What he did was that he wrote to the US universities stating that « Mr X has met me and he has let me know that he no longer wishes to study in the US ». He just put a letter saying so once the applications sent, and wihout you knowing it! that means many students waited and waited hoping for a response, but nothing happened!!

The strange part about is is that it happened right after the event of 2001 in New york, and most of the sabotaged students were all foreigners, including asian students!

SO WAS EVERYTHING OVER FOR ME?

Well, some students abandoned that school and returned home. I did not choose to but instead, decided to push further. Each day I saw him, I kept asking him what about my application. A few times, he just told me to wait, but I just kept writing to Temple university (in the US) to get some feedbacks; strangely, I got almost no answers. I then decided to apply for further courses to increase my GPA (grades) and seeing me pushing through doors wasn’t to please him!! He as so angry to see me sitting there and taking additional courses because now, he knew I would have greater chances to apply to the US or even , to apply to any universities, including outside their partnership zone (Temple was their partner) or even Unis in canada or Australia. He probably guesses that I was clever enough to go around the obstacles he set on my pathway! So he convoked the staff and ordered them to cancel the classes, which y the way, was undoable as many students were registered already! That person would do anything not to let me go there for some reasons that might seem obvious (If he knew that at this time, I am living in a beautiful place like Canada, he would probably shoot himself in his feet!)

Now, I have no idea what happened but one day, this director (David R.) announced he was leaving his function. He was to be replaced by a new director, but when that happened, I went back to Madagascar for vacation….

When I came back in september, I was asked to meet immediately with this new director. He inquested about what happened and particularly about my intention to study in the US. I said that I still have those intentions and that I never expressed the opposite idea to his predecessor. Seeing me being persuasive enough but also, with all the « strange » parallel cases the former director did to other foreign students, he ended up believing me. It took him so much os willingness to explain this « highly particular » situation to theTemple U admission staff in the US, but he sure was w-aware that something was fishy!

I wanted to advise others: If you are victim of discriminatory acts like I did, never give up as giving up will just make the other person happy! Keep trying, and always keep pushing! In some cases, feel free to talk to other persons who are more open-minded and in an extreme case, do not hesitate to refer the matter to a lawyer and do not forget to bring proofs of what you are stating (signed documents, emails, written contents, etc…)

6 MONTHS LATER…

6 months later, I landed at Philadelphia airport at the end of the summer. I was finally in the United States, and about to start my two-semester program there. If everything goes fine, I will get my BBA degree soon!

The very first days is the US were quite challenging as it took me about 40 days to find a place to stay. During that time, I had to stay in a motel close to the delaware state border and clsoe to the airport, too. My parents were anxious as they knew I was far away and alone in a country that I did not know. On top of that, I wasn’t fluent with english, so exchanging ideas with others or even doing basic tasks like buying bread wasn’t that easy! I remembered 4 or 5 times, when checkin out at counters being looked strangely by cashiers as I did not understand what they said. When I explained to them that my first language was not english, they became suddenly very sensible! This was what I liked the most about Americans as they do understand that you may come from a different cultural background… this kind of understanding is something that you wouldn’t find too much in France.

THE WAY COURSES WERE STRUCTURED IN THE US

The American structure of teaching differs from the French one in many ways. In France, and to some extent, that is true as well for most of continental Europe, classes are being taught using a lot of theories; in other words, in the French system, the theoretical concepts tend to be dominant; the consequence being: one tends to learn concepts ny heart and there are more things to remember. In America however, courses are taught in a more practical way. It is very common in American universities to spend just 3 hours at the University, and spend the rest of the day to work on assignments as well as group projects. When studying in the United States (and later on in Australia as well for my Masters degree), I had to get used to work on group projects, do presentations in front of dozens of students, as well as be able to answer pertinent questions related to a specific topic.

Education in anglo-saxon universities in general are not always about remembering and be able to « spit out » the concepts; it is more about being able to deal with challenges, learn to work with peers coming from various cultural and academic backgrounds. It also teaches you to look beyond, to improvise on questions you may not expect…

Now, was it hard for me to adapt as a Malagasy? Sure it was! Coming from a french education system, I had to cope with reviewing entirely the way I was studying, as from now on, learning and remembering will no longer be that necessary!! In the way Americans as well as Australians (later on) educate their children totally differ from the way us the Malagasy do educate ours. I personally think that learning things by heart as we are so clever to do in Madagascar, is just an inefficient way of learning because first of all, after a few years, chances are that you are going to forget most of the concepts; secondly, learning without understanding a particular idea is just a total nonsense!

APART FROM STUDYING, WHAT DID I ENJOY IN THE UNITED STATES?

I enjoyed Philadelphia, where I spent about semesters! This is surely an old city with its own drawbacks, but it is a city with a soul, a city rich in history because one has to know that it sued to be the former capital of the United States. Apart from « Philly », I had the opportunity to visit the twin cities of Saint-Paul as well as Minneapolis, both located in the northwestern state of Minnesota. Compared to Philly, those twin cities were much more modern and the surrounding environment kind of looked like the environment you would find in some places in Canada.

I also have visited the deep south of the US, in New Orleans, which a few decades ago, was among those southern states known for practicing racial segregation. First, you might be wondering whether I want there alone. Just like I did when I was travelling through Europe a few before, I just booked a flight and an accommodation from a travel agency located inside the premises of Temple University, and went there by myself. When I landed there, I just felt that the environment was quite different indeed from the northern part of America. I do not mean that people were mean or bad, it is just that I felt that « something » out of the ordinary has happened it some time ago. For example, I saw that the frictions between whites and Black Americans were a bit harsher down here than it is in places like Washington DC for example. You also have those « invisible codes » that still seem to exist here, but which have already disappeared or evolved much north. I remembered knocking at the door of a fancy restaurant in downtown New Orleans; a patron opened the door for me and spoke to me very politely by saying that surely, I could have lunch there. But as we moved inside and as I wanted to sit « over there » on the right as to my perception, the left side was a bit crowded, the patron very politely invited me to sit with the other guests on the left side of the room using an argument that the right side is normally open during the evenings only. On the spot, I did not realize that there was a strange connotation to that invitation, but I just agreed and sat with the other guests, most of whom, I precise, were white Americans, or more precisely, white southerners. As I sat, some just nodded politely.

The next day, I have booked a tour to visit a very well-known plantation, called Oak valley. It was on a tour and it was a place surrounded by oak trees. In this sublime villa, there was a very beautiful house, which was owned by ancient plantation owners in the 1800s. Not far from it, one could find renovated houses, in which former slaves used to live.

Even though I was technically an African, my South-eastern asian ancestry (and genes) may have made that experience quite different from, let’s say, a person who might have been of an African descent or someone who ancestors who were ancient slaves. Here, in the southern part of the US, this hurtful past still haunts its victims, but to some extent, the whole American South itself.

A few days later, after this trip in the state of Louisiane, I flew back to Philadelphia to pursue my last semester. I had just a few subjects to take as well as one summer session before being able to finally graduate with my BBA degree. During the spring semester, I have had interesting courses among which the Risk Management course, taught by an American of Italian origin, who knew how to inspire us with his long-lasting passion. I remember doing a project on this particular course and that project that I chose (with my group mates) talked about the financial cost of the very sad and tragic 2001 event, which happened in New York. I have no idea whether it was my non-local perspective which made it interesting, but I managed to hold the breath of the whole assembly during the presentation.

The same semester, a marketing teacher of mine – for some reasons I do not know – has made everything in her power to fail me and some other students in her class. That event just reminded me of what happened to me in France a few years ago with that director who sabotaged my application to apply to Temple U. Being of a tempered and calm personality (that has helped a lot during my life by the way), I just remained calm as I knew that the chances of succeeding would be so low and that in any cases, my failure had nothing to do with the quality of my work. It had a purely discriminatory motive. So…. I just waited that the semester ends and waited that she flies to Norway for her vacations. Once she left, I wrote her an email saying that I was a bit « exhausted » and needed some time off. But in fact, instead of flying off to Madagascar, I just got registered with another lecturer, Craig. A (for the same subject), and got enrolled into the summer session! Now guess what, by exactly providing the same level of effort, the marks I have obtained with this lecturer, Craig. A, were way above Ms. Schau has given to me. That is already some kind of proof that there was clearly some form of « favoritism ». When she actually realized that I « fooled » her (as her colleague, a certain Smith saw me), it was way too late for her to intervene, and despite her effort to persuade Craig. using many arguments, the fact that I have proven to him that I could provide good-quality work, has made Ms Schau arguments totally meaningless!

As you can guess, before the end of the summer session, I passed this subject, which meant that I could now graduate!

I graduate with most of the CEFAM students, most of whom decided not to continue with another BBA degree. The day of my graduation, I can always remember my name being called, but what made me « laugh » was the American guy who had some struggle to pronounce my first as well as my last name, as firstly, it was not an English name, and second, because it was a long and unusual name. But that was fun, I started to get used with it and can fully understand that no one is supposed to be perfect; we just all try to do our best!

As soon as my semesters finished, I spent about 3 additional weeks in Philadelphia to enjoy that place for the last time. During this time, I visited most of my French and African friends – most of whom I’ve considered as family as we spent so much time together here in the US but also there in Europe, and to be entirely truthful I guess most of us did consider each and everyone as a sort of a family member, to some extent.

Fall was about to kick in when I left the United States… I cannot forget that funny incident at Philadelphia airport, where I got issues to board the plane. Having seen that I had no French visa in my Madagascar passport (when transiting through Paris, any nationals from Madagascar do NOT require a visa, unless they plan to stay in France for more than 24 hours; it is being called by the French as « Transit aéroportuaire » or airport transit, which normally does not require any visa at all!), I had to explain this agent that I was just passing through Paris, but will continue my flight to Madagascar four hours later! It took me almost 2 hours to make him understand things that even a 7 year old Malagasy kid would understand! In other words, I missed my plane to Paris just because I had in front of me an Air France staff who did not understand that I had another flight to Madagascar; he kept believing I was to disembark in France.

At the end of the 2 hour conversation, he finally understood but that was too late, I have missed my plane, so they had to disembark my 3 luggages and I had to book for a hotel for another 3 days until another flight to Paris becomes available.

After 3 days, I came back to Philly airport, went queuing at the desk that same agent was actually working. Why is that? In that way, I was to make sure that at least, after this 2 hour « intelligent » dialogue, he would remember the Madagascar guy who plans to transit in Paris Charles de Gaulle airport, and who then flies to Madagascar…and guess what, he did remember me well, and that time, he knew for sure that we have already solved the situation last time. But still, I had at least 30 kgs of luggage excess; not astonishing as I have decided to buy many things (including some maple syrup jars from Vermont) and have expected that excess. The same agent obviously let me know about this and I just answered to him: « I have a Miles card so what if I’m using my miles to pay for the excess ». As it is a rule, he just accepted.

The flight to Paris was to take about 8 hours, and as we approached the Western coast of France, I just felt at that moment that America was there, way beyond of what is now this vast Atlantic ocean. I start to realize that I have undertaken something big and have confronted obstacles, challenges in a country that I barely knew. Not only so, I have succeeded to get an education and go till the very end of it in a place I had to learn to speak the language. Yes, I have suffered for some time! sure, I had to explain things to people so that they could understand why I struggled so much with my English! But if you asked me whether this struggle was worth it? I will respond you with a Malagasy proverb « ny valala tsy mandry inin-droa am bavahady », which signifies that it is rare that life gives you a second chance, so if you have one, just go for it!

BACK IN MADAGASCAR

In 2004, I was back in Madagascar after having spent time in France, as well as a bit in the US. Even though I finished and obtained my BBA degree from a US university, I had this feeling that I wanted more and that those few years of overseas experiences weren’t enough, at least for me. I had the chance to settle down there but for some reasons, my spirit went thinking of pursuing a degree elsewhere, but right now, I had no idea on earth where would that be?

The very first months of my stay in Antananarivo were more than an adjustment. I had to learn to get used to the quite conservative mentality and behavior of people in Madagascar. I remember living in the southern suburbs of Tananarive, and even though I had all the comfort that I needed, that place was entirely different from any places I used to stay in France or America. Unlike developed countries, people in this place tended to mingle into your own business and your daily life. There were moments for example you feel observed and envied (that suburb of antananarivo has a high unemployment rate, and also reminds me of some places in South Africa where there was a huge gap between the richest and the poores) and to be entirely honest with you readers, I have ever felt this kind of « strange feelings » during all these years I have spent in France and America, because over there, people have something to fill up their day, and on top of that, they have been raised to respect other’s privacies and life. I understood that I had to put a strategy in place, and that is not a strategy to fight back as changing those types of mentality would almost be impossible, but more a strategy to continue the « study road » elsewhere.

instead of losing my time thinking about the « mentality issues » of some people there, I started to look for post-graduate degrees in places like Germany or the United Kingdom. At that time, my father was working with a UK-based company, which was conducting geological surveys in northern Madagascar. One of the persons there advised me to apply for a university in Nottingham. I constituted the application to both that University and another university in Northern Germany, more precisely, in Bremen.

Now, we all know that university applications take time, knowing that there will be months of waiting time for the application, and other 2 or 3 months waiting time to get a study permit, I decided to do what I never had the courage to do when I was a teenager!! I decided to travel on my own in southern Madagascar, using the most basic mean of transportation ever, the famous « taxi-brousse » or bush taxi! I had not knows it at that moment, but this archaic trip will change the fate of my studies forever!

TRIPS TO SOUTHERN MADAGASCAR

After having spent a few years travelling in Europe and the US, I thought : How is it to travel in a country that is far less developed?

It is an experience that I will probably never forget, but at the same time, this experience has allowed to meet all sorts of people, to get to learn things that I have never knew about my own country! At the same time, it has probably shaped my perception of things and who know…was it thanks to that funny trip that I became more willing to be able to appreciate countries like Australia or Canada?

DEPARTURE TO AUSTRALIA

february 10th, I am standing in front of the desk at the airport to register my luggages. I just realize now that the trip that I have undertaken in the south is now over. I keep shuffling in my head those faces that I have encountered and made this trip so special. I am also remembering those days spent in the bush taxis, travelling in the middle of the night on the National 7 road. I also recall those nice moments spent with the FCE staff, notably the train drivers and ticket controllers, with whom I sympathized with after undertaking so many trips in the South-eastern part of Madagascar.

Now, I’m here again, ready to fly overseas, in a country I have ever been and whose official language is equivalent to what I would define as « my third language », after Malagasy and French, but thinking about my two semesters in the United States would help me reassure myself that I could probably do it.

It is now around 3 PM and I am about to say good bye to my parents. Unlike my very first departure to France many years ago, this trip, I will have to do it all by myself. Indeed, no one is coming with me. After tomorrow, I will be landing in a country that neither my father nor any of my extended family members have had the chance to step foot on.

Now, having hugged my parents and my sister, I crossed the security points, and I remember once I picked my hand luggage from the scanner, I turned by back hoping they were still behind looking from far…but as I looked, they were no longer there…. All I could see was the public area of the airport where they were standing a few minutes ago with people walking back and forth, and this noise that is so particular to airports. At that moment, I realized that I was leaving Madagascar for good.

…

The Air Mauritius plane awaits for us to board. Around 5 PM, the plane takes off the runway and heads to Mauritius, which we reached after 1h35 minutes. When it landed in Ramgoolan Intl. airport, the night has fallen and as we debarked, we had to queue for the immigration as I had to spend one night in Mauritius. The cab that picked me up proposed that he comes back the next day but the next day, I ended up taking the shuttle bus to go back to the airport.

…

That day was a « grand day » as I am going to fly to a totally new place. Over there, I knew no one and am aware that I will have to build my own network of friends once there. If you ask me if I had apprehensions, I would say yes, I did.

Once passed the security point, I was now inside the duty free zone. I looked at the screen to make sure I embark on the right gate. For now, very few people were queuing but despite of that, I couldn’t help myself slowing down and paying attention to those who were there because for the first time, I was to see many Australians in just one place. After 20 minutes or so, many more joined the queue..most were families coming back home after some vacations in Mauritius, others were businessmen probably and the rest were surely Mauritians who were flying to Australia. For sure, I am the only Malagasy boarding this flight bound to Sydney today!

…

After the different procedures, the A340 took off and was heading eastward. It is for the very first time that I have taken off from Mauritius and headed towards that direction. The flight was to last 11 hours but it was a pleasant trip as I had the chance to chat with a Mauritian man who has been living in the UK for years and now, plans to visit his daughter who is studying in New Zealand. He will be just passing through Australia tomorrow before boarding to another plane to Auckland.

…

After the lunch, the night set quickly as the plane is flying eastward. I managed to sleep for a few hours, but at a very moment, I just woke up in the middle of the night. I looked around and everyone was asleep. I raised my eyes to look at the map and noticed that our place was now right over the western coast of Australia, somewhere south of where Perth is. Even though I wasn’t sitting close to the window, I did my best to try to look through one of the windows which was left open by mistake I guess, and I could see some lights stemming from what I would define as a small town; without doubt, I have finally reached the shores of this continent, that I have ever expected to see anytime in my life and I just could not believe I was here. Another 2 hours went on before breakfast was served. Right after that, we almost reached over Adelaide and the plane made his way through probably northern Victoria, Canberra before commencing descent to Sydney. Just 45 minutes before landing, they started to send a video on which I could recognize Steve Irwin, a highly known person in Australia. The video was to warn passengers about the highly strict quarantine laws existing in Australia and informed that any food, products containing for example nuts or meats had to be declared upon entry.

THIS IS AUSTRALIA!!

I will always remember when the Airbus 340 did its final approach to Sydney; it was a quarter to 6 in the morning and we were in the middle of the summer in the southern hemisphere.

From above, I could see the lights from firefighters and those streets, being all parallel the one to the others.

The city of Sydney was now below me and I couldn’t wait to finally discover it, after so many years of wishing that one day, I could see this beautiful country for real!

This was downtown Sydney back then as I first saw it!

One landed in Sydney, I said goodbye to the mauritian guy, while he wished me good muck for my Master degree. After a few minutes, we all disembarked and as I was walking inside the airport corridors to head towards the immigration, I could already perceive this Australian accent hearing airport staff coming the other way.

This is the neighborhood of Quakers Hill, located in Western Sydney. That was were I have lived the very first months of my arrival, in a cottage among other international students. having always lived by myself during my studies in France, sharing a living space with total strangers is going to be a new challenge for me.

As paradoxal as that lay sound to you, this trip that I have undertaken in southern Madagascar – in which I got myself used with constraints and discomfort – will be of a great help for me to cope with this new experience!

The surroundings of Quakers Hill, Western Sydney

It took me a while to get familiarized with this whole new environment, but I have to admit that living in France as well as spending some time in the US has helped me a lot to adapt to this new country. One night, one of my roommate, a guy from the Emirates, had to go to downtown Sydney to visit his friend; He suggested that I accompany him so that he could show me the way to the City as well as getting used with the train system in Sydney. As in any big cities, Sydney is a busy town with lots of restaurants, all sorts of amenities as well as all types of shops. Unlike Paris, Sydney is highly cosmopolitan and is the home of many migrants coming from so many corners of the world!

Here is a video of how Sydney Harbor looks like when I was travelling on the ferry!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbelHdNmFWs

WHAT EDUCATION OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE IN AUSTRALIA? There are many Universities in Australia, but another option consists of studying for shorter courses, which are being offered at TAFE colleges. The link is below:

www.tafensw.edu.au

If you are looking into getting into a Bachelor’s program or a Masters program, you also have the option to apply for those in one of the Australian Universities. You can find the liste right below, otherwise, as I said earlier, you can contact an IDP Office in your country or get in touch with Go Study Australia, https://www.gostudy.com.au, which is an office based in Melbourne, and which advises foreign students about the different study options available to them in Australia!

Here is a video of how Sydney Harbor looks like when I was travelling on the ferry!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbelHdNmFWs

www.tafensw.edu.au

WHAT WERE THE FIRST THINGS I SAW IN AUSTRALIA?

When I first arrived in this country located so far away from any other places I have visites, I was so impressed to see the famous icons of Sydney, which were so known worldwide, and which included the Harbor Bridge, the Opera House, the famous QVB (Queen Victoria Building) among others. Fours months after my arrival in Australia, I have travelled withe. a friend of mine to Canberra, the capital city of Australia, a city which was created because The two giants, Sydney and Melbourne, could not find an agreement which of them would become Australia’s capital; The creation of Canberra was then said to be a « compromise »

#australia #madagascar #studies #france #malagasy #travels #voyages

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twodrunkencelestials · 5 years

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The Loneliness Waltz

This is a little piece about a Dresden Files character I played for several years. There's a little bit about him on my blog, if anyone cares to peek. Either way, I thought a lot about how well Antares arc went and how well it fit into the Magnus 'verse. Thus, this was born with a lot of chatting to @archetypal-archivist!

If you wanna hear more about Antares in his own canon or this au? I'm always up for talking about Antares. He's my angsty boy. :)

The shifting over from my word program ate all of my italics though, sadly. I may use them a bit too often, though...

*****

He's always been good at being alone. Friends lessened his tolerance over time, their kindness almost a sting, even when he hadn't embraced his god.

But when his mother died, and when his brother cried, all his tears just stopped. He felt the creeping cold. Needed it, understood why his mother and grandfather loved it so all of a sudden.

She was a cold woman, but raised him to be clever and silver-tongued. Raised him with only the rarest of hugs or forehead kisses. Even so, he quickly learned how she displayed what affection she did have for her sons, wild and Hunt prone as both were. Her praise, sparsely given, but never withheld. Touches, cold, mere pats on the head or back, an awkward copy of proper parental affection. Antares heart burst all the same whenever she did so.

Her voice though, one of the gifts passed to her sons, was her most precious way of delivering love. Lullabies and songs, always sounding far away, like the sweet lure of sirens in the fog. Never to their faces, but always from outside, or just down the hall.

His grandfather was a harsher man, quieter. While his mother relied on her charm and distant affection to lure in suitors to feed to the fog, his grandfather used quiet. A man of the seas, of large studies and gazes that never seemed to notice.

He smiled at Antares once, and a thrill went through the child's heart. The pride he could see in the tilt of the eyes and small pleased twist of the mouth had driven him to flush, feel warmth instead of the chill that was making the older man proud.

You see, Antares had been outside, by himself, his brother's rejection that afternoon more of a sting then usual. So he had wandered, through the trees toward the lake on their property that bled into the sea.

It was quiet, the few household staff not allowed out this far for fear they might end up Lost. The children, more free to wander, were. It was uncommon, the water and air here a bane and lure all the same.

Today, it was a lure that reminded him of his mother's lullabies.

When fog rolled in, he didn't know. He only noticed when the silence around him was so absolute that he could hear his heart begin to pound wildly.

Everything felt like a distant dream, washing away the hot anger that burned in his belly until it was only a calm tide.

Alone, alone, alone.

But he was okay with that. The quiet in his head settled the anxieties. It was...freeing.

Hours later, it was his brother's voice that disturbed his calm rest by the lake. Apologies and gentle pats. Affection that suddenly felt too much.

But he accepted the touches, the sun-bright smiles and jokes.

"I forgive you." He told Pleiades, own smile smaller, a bit tired.

His brother had looked at him, and seemed to suddenly know something, in that way only big brothers seemed to.

"We'll take you to talk to grandfather. He'll want to hear about your trip."

Antares didn't fully understand what he meant, but agreed. Found himself tired enough for an offer to be carried.

He accepted Pleiades help, for his brother was older, several years into his teens by now. Strong enough to carry him home.

***

"He found himself Lost, grandfather. But look!"

Antares was gently set down, on a sofa, by larger arms then his brother's. An adult's. Grandfather Patrick's.

"Hush, my boy." The senior directed at Pleiades, "He will need rest. But I'm glad he survived his first ordeal. Thank you for your help, Lance. You may go."

Antares wanted to stir, to jump up and ask why the other name was being used. It was a rarity, a treat, to be called something other then their star-given names.

Pleiades seemed to notice it too, and squeaked, utterly undignified for once. "Thank you, sir!"

Antares did not hear the door close, nor the feet scamper away, just the gentle words of the elder, and a cold hand holding his.

"Sleep, my boy, and we will speak when you awaken. I have many things to tell you."

Grandfather actually sounded proud, sounded gentle. Antares' eyes refused to open and he slept dreamlessly.

***

When he awoke, it was late. Dark outside, with the sun fading away. The fire was lit, a warmth that felt too strong after this afternoon.

Almost as soon as he stirred, he heard,

"Ah, Riley, you're up. Good. We have much to speak on."

Riley. Now he was getting middle-named? The curl of satisfaction in the tone, though, calmed any fears instantly.

"...what about, grandfather?"

The silence lasted longer then Antares would have liked, something drawn out tight. An answer being further considered. It gave him enough time to stand up, wobbly, but enough to walk over to the looming desk of the head of the family.

"It seems you have finally had a brush with our God, Riley, and you survived. Embraced it, from that chill you seem to have. I am so proud of you."

Proud. Antares was thrilled. He didn't really understand what he'd done, but that didn't really matter. To make man who so often passed over everyone proud?

"I-I don't really understand, not..."

Antares trailed off, suddenly sure he had ruined things. Sure he had nothing to add to that wreck of a sentence. He breathed, to remember this afternoon, and spoke.

"It was cold, foggy, but...calm. It...it hushed everything, grandpa Patrick, the world, my words, Pleiades' words. All quiet. All peaceful. So alone."

The older man's eyes were practically sparkling, sharp and pleased, looking too closely at Antares' edges.

"That, child, was the Lonely. Our God. And you seemed to have pleased it. Not with fear, but with your acceptance. Your mother will be very pleased too."

"The Lonely?" Antares tested the word out, and found it pleasing on his tongue, like the delicate chill of the dark chocolate mints his mother so loved.

"Please tell me more, grandpa Patrick."

So Patrick did, revealing only what a child could comprehend. The history, the very basics of the Powers, and the how's. He had left out a lot, things that needed to be discovered on ones own.

Those, Antares figured out as an adult, under the worst of circumstances.

The first piece of advice the man had given, "Feed that which feeds you" was hard for a child to fully grasp. It was hard for an adult to fully embrace.

Antares did not fully get it, not until after.

Where he had embraced the Lonely in the aftermath of his mother's death- in the face of his mother's beatific smile- Pleiades, on the same knife's edge as Antares, embraced the Hunt.

It was with his help, and with Antares' friends that they'd tracked down the two who had done this.

The affection he felt for his brother, for his friends was duller now, felt too cold compared to their blazing fires. Antares, irrationally, just had the urge to snip those lines between them and gorge himself on the aftermath. But no, he held back. He needed them, for now at least.

It was hard for one avatar to properly kill another. Several teaming up, though, was an entirely different tale, and one Antares liked the ending of.

An end it was, too. For him and his friends, for him and his mother, for the two who had dared to try to come down on his house and his blood.

It was oddly satisfying, snipping all those cords. After all, he didn't need them any more.

They couldn't feel the cut; they thought themselves still his friend in the aftermath. Useful, indeed, for the future.

He kept two though, one, Pleiades, for the sake of mother and blood. It was too warm now, but he could tolerate it. Use it to feed the Lonely. Keep it like a dull ache, as a stark reminder.

The other, to Alphonse. A love, one sided and a bitter wine to his tongue. A sweet delight for a god. A lure to sacrifices. Suckers liked a good sob story of failed romance in the midst of a creeping reminder just how lonely they were.

People liked broken, and he could play the wounded animal, like his mother before him.

***

The first person he went after was the man he could technically call father. An actor that his mother had actually fallen for, as much as she even could. They had one child, him, before it soured.

She was too cold, he was too hot, too opposite to properly last. Divorce, and a nice settlement for him to keep his mouth shut and his hands off any of the child-rearing business.

Antares knew that this man still loved his mother, despite himself.

So, Antares delivered the news on a friday afternoon, just before the man had an evening show. Left him lonely, filled with regret and shame.

The show that he went on to do, despite the maelstrom of emotions, was the best he had ever given. Called his best to date by those there and those not.

That was not what had been seen from the stage, though, not by his father.

Everyone had disappeared, left him to his misery. The actor had put in everything, each regret and tear and fear he had in his soul. The loss rang clear and Antares loved every second. Drank it in like a fine wine.

It was a shame what would happen after.

The man disappeared on his way home, vanished into the foggy night never to be seen or heard from again.

It left a God well fed, and a son left with one less tie to humanity.

#antares riley fletcher #the magnus archives #my writing #more angst for my charaters- my gaming group would not be surprised #i have more planned too #if i get around to writing it

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taiblogcomics · 5 years

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Star-Crossed

Hey there, applewood-smoked bacon jerky. Oh boy, we're getting into the really cool Pony comics now. Let's do this one first, mostly because it's so big. Last week was issue 74, and this week would logically be issue 75. Wow, can you imagine 75 whole issues? That's a milestone for sure, and the comic agrees. That's why the issue is an absolutely huge prestige format book. And being IDW's 20th anniversary, too, that makes it really a milestone to celebrate~

Here's the cover. Well, part of it:

Yeah, this is only the front cover. It's actually a wrap-around cover, with the other characters on the back cover. I chose to put only the front half for a couple reasons. One, because putting the back cover on the left while the logo is on the right just didn't look right. Two, you're still not going to see the back cover when it's on the shelf or in a collection. The front cover is the selling point, so that's what we'll look at. And it's a very nice stained-glass look. Rather than betray the story, the cover opts to just celebrate the main characters for its milestone, and that's respectable~

The comic opens with a long-ago battle with Discord. Princesses Celestia and Luna are in resplendant armour, and joined by Queen Novo of the hippogriffs, the cat queen of the Abyssinians, and even that deer king of the Everfree that I don't remember the name of. Everything's going nuts, and the wonderful combination of Andy Price's art and Discord's magic is a treat to look at. However, when confronted, Discord bleats out that "It's not me this time!", and indeed some other being appears on the horizon. Discord and the five monarchs team up and combine their magic (in a display vaguely reminiscent of the Elements of Harmony) to banish this mysterious intruder. The magic and the creature dissipate. When Celestia then demands an explanation from Discord, he puts them all to sleep, saying he can't let anyone remember what happened here. He leaves them an apology cake as well, which is nice.

Cut over to the present day, where the mane six are out at a bazaar or rummage sale of some kind. Rarity's found some sort of necklace, with a stone that not even she nor Twilight can identify. Rarity offers it to Twilight, since the purple matches with her colour scheme, and that's when things get weird. No sooner is it around Twilight's neck does a mysterious voice boom out "FIND THE REST". A voice only she can hear, no less. After a quick reconvening back at the castle, it seems only Twilight can hear the voice, no matter who wears it. Fluttershy is the voice of reason here, suggesting that maybe wearing jewelry that talks to you in a voice nopony else can hear is a bad idea. But that's when the necklace suddenly starts projecting a map. Not just any map, though: it's a star map.

The star map interacts with the Cutie Map in Twilight's castle, showing a projection of the sky and then several objects falling from said sky and impacting with the map of Equestria. There are also a bunch of space-related shout-outs in the star map, and if you recognise them all, you're a bigger nerd than I. Also, the display of the celestial objects impacting Equestria is one of those two-page spreads you have to turn on its side, which is especially difficult with the stiffer prestige-format cover. Anyway, all that aside, Twilight identifies the celestial objects not making Star Trek references as the Andalusian Constellation, a lost constellation that appeared from the sky centuries ago (gonna go out on a limb and guess probably "a thousand years ago"), and then disappeared just as quickly. The origins of both its appearance and disappearance are one of the greatest mysteries in Equestrian astronomy, so Twilight is eager to solve it.

Now, I should note that every time the necklace starts whispering to Twilight, her eyes go a bit... weird. Wobbly and bright pink. So I'm sorry to tell you that everypony's hopes that this will just be a nice, safe adventure about astronomical research are probably going to be dashed rather spectacularly. And indeed, after the rest of her friends depart to make travel plans, Twilight ends up snapping at Spike for daring too close to the necklace, unleashing one of Andy Price's legendary Scary Character Faces, a fan favourite of this blog that we haven't talked about in some time. Once Spike clears out, it is indeed revealed that something's not quite right here. Twilight is being possessed through the necklace by some sort of malevolent entity, one sharing a silhouette and name with the creature banished in the prologue...

Speaking of said prologue, we get another brief scene of probably a thousand years ago, with the same spooky silhouette rampaging. It seems that Discord could even have been in a relationship with this mysterious Cosmos, and now he's looking to break up with her the only way he can think of: by bringing it before Celestia and making it her problem. Real mature, Discord. Anyway, back in the present, the teams and travel plans have all been... planned. Since it's such a big undertaking (both the quest and the milestone comic), there's gonna be some cameo teamups. Pinkie Pie and Big Macintosh will go to Klugetown. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Spike are off to the Crystal Empire. Zecora and the Crusaders are headed to Griffonstone, while Fluttershy and Angel Bunny are going to scour the Everfree Forest. And finally Twilight herself will take Applejack with her to Canterlot. And when they each recover the fallen stars, bring them back to Twilight. She literally demands it.

We follow that latter team first. Twilight and Applejack ride the train to Canterlot, and Twilight begins to report that her necklace is detecting where the next nearest star fragment is. Despite AJ's concerns, Twilight leads her to the castle. Without even telling the princesses they're there, they head into a secret basement. This is apparently where Celestia stores all the dangerous things she doesn't want lying around the castle, and there's a few more cameos littered in the backgrounds here. The nature of some of this stuff starts to make Applejack even more suspicious, and when she reaches for the necklace, Cosmos drops the facade of being Twilight and attacks AJ. After a short (but really cool) fight, AJ ends up locked in a cage while Cosmos claims her prize.

Since the Everfree Forest is not too far from Fluttershy's place, she has time to stop at home and prepare there, unlike the rest of the teams. Discord's already visiting, and he tries to tempt Fluttershy off to some fantastical adventure. When she explains she's already on one, to find a fallen star, he suddenly begins to panic--especially when he finds out Twilight's already found one of the others. Rather than the Everfree, he warps the both of them to his realm. To Discord's credit, he then tells her exactly what's going on: Cosmos was a magical being like himself, but much more actively malicious. She was imprisoned in the stars, which fell to Equestria to keep them apart. He found the one in the Everfree and hid it himself, to keep it away from anyone else. Fluttershy is understanding, but reasons with him that perhaps they'd better bring the matter to Celestia.

Discord agrees, and the pair retrieve the star from the Everfree, just to further ensure it doesn't fall into the hands of some villain later on. They then warp to Canterlot--Discord's powers really cut down on travel time--where Celestia is waiting for them. Failing their spot check, Twilight grabs the star from them and tosses it to Luna. Now there's three stars, each possessing one of the princesses with a piece of Cosmos' consciousness. Yes, Twilight, Celestia, and Luna are all speaking in unison and getting flirty with Discord. Half of Cosmos being reunited has begun to bring back enough power to start warping the area around them, and Cosmos begins discussing her new takeover with Discord. Discord, however, declines, having reformed since they were last together. Cosmos is deeply displeased to hear he plans to oppose her. So, to distract him, she zaps Fluttershy with some sort of spell to give him something else to worry about, while Cosmos waits for her remaining fragments to return to her...

First of all, congratulations to My Little Pony for reaching 75 issues! It’s very rare to see a comic book reach such a high number nowadays, especially one based on a licensed property. Everyone who’s worked on this series to get it here should be very proud! I’m pretty sure I said the same sort of sentiment fir the 50th issue, and now it’s even more true~

Now then: here’s yet another villain of ages past come to wreak havoc on modern day Equestria, as they so often do. If it was anyone other than Discord, I’m not sure I’d buy the whole memory spell that he used to make them forget the incident, but Discord’s powers can suspend any disbelief. Either way, Cosmos is scary. I know Nightmare Knights just introduced Eris as another sort of “malevolent counterpart to Discord”, but Cosmos sells it way better in her flashback scenes. Additionally, when you finally get to see her in full glory at the end of the issue, she’s way scarier than a big pink anthro bird. And her being able to take over the princesses so easily is highly chilling. Of course, this is also all helped by Andy Price’s art, which continues to knock it out of the park as always~

Whatever she’s up to, we’ll just have to see if the heroes can handle it next issue. I know I’m looking forward to it, and hopefully another 75 more~

#comics #reviews #My Little Pony Friendship is Magic IDW #Taiblog #Cosmos

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anaceinthecrowd · 6 years

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Let’s get personal. 100 Questions!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

"I'm Only Sleeping" by The Beatles

"No Exit" by Childish Gambino

"Friend" by C418

"Beauty" by Tim Minchin

The old NBC Olympics closing credits mix by various artists

"Rey's Theme" by John Williams

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Damn! I was hoping to meet someone from another Earth. Well I guess if I have to meet someone from THIS Earth it would have to be Stephen Colbert. He seems like a super nice guy. He's also smart and hilarious.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“him.” How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere by Larry King

4: What do you think about most?

If I'm wasting my life doing what I'm doing.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"Ask Alexa to play Valentine music. It's good and grandma will love it" from my mom.

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With

7: What's your strangest talent?

Idk if this is a talent but I have a near-encyclopedic of all things Disney World.

8: Girls... (finish the sentence); Boys... (finish the sentence)

Boys are good but some are assholes. Girls are good but some are assholes.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Idk but I don't wanna say no just in case someone did and I just forgot xD.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Today

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I have an immense fear of missing out.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Yes

13: What's your religion?

Not religious, nor spiritual.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Going for long walks

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

The Beatles. Almost every song they ever put out was great. They became the biggest influencers on music in the last century and they did it in just a few years. Most musicians work their whole lives to have an ounce of the influence and raw talent each of them had. Plus they had an incredible effect on culture, notably helping facilitate the change that came from youth for the first time having enough money to buy what they wanted, not what they got from older people. The youth got to decide what they wanted and they wanted the Beatles. Not just the music but their fashion, art, movies and so on.

17: What was the last lie you told?

I've never told a lie! (He says as his nose doubles in length)

18: Do you believe in karma?

I used to.

19: What does your URL mean?

It's a pun on "a face in the crowd" which is a saying about being unknown and hidden in plain sight and I felt like this applied to my experience with being asexual. Also I typed "ace" into a pun generating website.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is fast food. My greatest strength is n/a I'm weak as hell.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

I like some famous people but I don't really have crushes on any.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yeah but I didn't like it.

23: How do you vent your anger?

Complaining to friends (still not sure why they put up with it)

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Mistakes? XD I used to collect snow globes but they started to brake and get green water so I stopped.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

I'm so damn lonely I'll take anything. I wish that were a joke.

26: Are you happy with the person you've become?

I hope to be one day.

27: What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

A sound I hate is the smoke detector going off when I'm cooking and a sound I love is that sound (like I think only Disney world fans will get this) when you're out in front of test track and the cars go by on the track above.

28: What's your biggest "what if"?

What if I'm actually the villain of my story?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right: fan. Left: laptop.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Pine scented candle. I love scented candles.

32: What's the worst place you have ever been to?

My middle School. It was the border between two gang territories. We'd have gun and bomb threats every day.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

I live on the east coast but I gotta go with West coast just because I've been to more of it.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Idk

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To find what you live to do and do it as much as you can.

36: Define Art.

If someone makes anything and calls it art, it's art. I think that's how it works now.

37: Do you believe in luck?

I believe I don't have it.

38: What's the weather like right now?

Sunny and in the 80s. Way too hot for winter.

39: What time is it?

9:33pm EST

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes and no

41: What was the last book you read?

Steve jobs by Walter Isaacson

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

I shouldn't but yeah xD

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Drew

44: What was the last film you saw?

I saw Chris Rock's new stand-up special this morning. It was really good!

45: What's the worst injury you've ever had?

I ran on the top of some bleachers, tripped, and fell all the way down, breaking my collarbone along the way.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

I can't remember

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

My most recent obsession has been with anything made by Donald Glover/Childish Gambino

48: What's your sexual orientation?

Ace. I mean... It's in the name.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Many

50: Do you believe in magic?

Depends on what you mean by "believe" and "magic". I like magicians xD

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yes

52: What is your astrological sign?

Idk and I'm sick of googling it every time I'm asked about it.

53: Do you save money or spend it?

A bit of both

54: What's the last thing you purchased?

10 piece chicken nugget meal and a vanilla Coke from Wendy's.

55: Love or lust?

Love

56: In a relationship?

No. Happy Valentine's day!

57: How many relationships have you had?

0 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

59: Where were you yesterday?

Home Depot

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

A strawberry scented candle.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

62: What's your favourite animal?

Cotton-Top Tamarin

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

The Scarab Gun from Halo 2 is a pretty good secret weapon I guess. JK just be yourself.

64: Where is your best friend?

Oregon

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

As of writing this I don't follow anyone yet so let me get back to you on that.

66: What is your heritage?

A little bit of native American but primarily white eruopean as far back in history as you can go.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping

68: What do you think is Satan's last name?

Trump

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

I'm not answering that question.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Idk.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Honestly this question is so fucking depressing I'm skipping it.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

What is love without trust?

74: What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

(Once again only people who've been to Disney World will get it) the music at Soarin' (over California (it's just better))

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

Like I'm gonna put my phone number on here. Ha.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

For me... Having one would be just fantastic.

77: How can I win your heart?

Tell me something I Don't know. I love learning.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

I'm not sure it brings on more creativity, but any change in mental state in a creative person will bring on a different kind of creativity.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Picking the high school I went to.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

10.5

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

I want it to be blank just to fuck with people.

82: What is your favourite word?

Actually...

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Barracuda

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

Here's the thing...

85: What's the last song you listened to?

"Me and your mama" by Childish Gambino

86: Basic question; what's your favourite colour/colours?

Black, silver and light blue are a few favorites.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

Artists rendering of Epcot.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Satan Trump. #callback #comedy

89: What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

When my family asks me why I don't have a girlfriend yet I'm always afraid to come out and tell the truth to them... That I'm asexual and have no interest in dating anyone except another ace, and because of the rarity of aces its really difficult to find someone. I have no interest in coming out though. It wouldn't change anything.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Laugh my head off because I'm obviously being punk'd. Where's Ashton?!?

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

I mean the obvious superpower I now have is the ability to digest radioactive material. But if I could have any power I'd want to be able to travel through space and time.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

See now this is why that superpower would come in handy! You wouldn't have to choose! (See how I dodged that question. That's my real superpower!)

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Idk but if I could live my life just as it happened but without being overweight, that would be great.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

If I say John Lennon will it bring him back to life? Cause if so then yes, John Lennon. Final answer.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

My mind says south Korea because the Olympics but my heart says to go to Oregon to see my friends.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that I know of.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes

98: Ever been on a plane?

Many

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

"Can't we all just get along?"

100. Age?

101. What’s a good way to spend a Valentine’s Day when you’re single, lonely and bored?

This.

#100 questions #asexual #ace #disney world #the beatles #childish gambino #scented candles #valentinesday #valentines day #punk'd #john lennon #tim minchin #c418 #test track #larry king #wendy's #cotton-top tamarin

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17mounteens · 7 years

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Some mingyu angst would bc nice like due to being an idol you havent seen him latley and hes all stressed and accidently tells u he doesnt love u anymore hehe can it have a happy ending

“I really like you, and it would be amazing if you wanted to go out with me, Y/N.”

It had been a bit over a year since Mingyu first asked you to date him, his eyes full of hope and a small smile playing on his lips. It felt like it had just happened the day before, and a part of you almost wished it had.

Most of that year had been amazing: he had been so loving, so invested in your relationship and so there that it pained you to be reminded of the present reality, where you were always the one to contact him, got late replies if any, and were able to see him only rarely. It was upsetting, to say the least, yet somehow the memories of how good he could be kept you there, hoping that things would change.

Besides, for those short moments that you were able to see him every now and then, he was, more often than not, much like the Mingyu in your memories: cuddly, sweet and apologetic whenever he felt like he had wronged you, in one way or another.

Although, even that had started to change, and little by little Mingyu started being distant and tense even with you, saying rash things more and more often and apologizing while rubbing his temples and saying that he’s been really stressed lately.

You supposed you were lucky to know the reason behind the change - as a member of a very popular idol group who had a lot of activities, it was only natural for Mingyu to be busy and tired - but it didn’t make it any less of a bitter pill to swallow.

That evening, you had been fortunate enough to schedule a dinner date with Mingyu, which you had been looking forward to for a good while: those, or any kind of dates, were a rarity. When he had arrived at your place, you greeted him with an excited smile and gave him a hug, trying not to mind the fact that his arms didn’t wrap around you like they used to.

“How have you been?” you asked brightly, leading Mingyu to the kitchen, where you had already taken out some food supplies you’d be using to make dinner together. He smiled weakly, and you could hear him sigh.

“Busy and tired,” he mumbled while following you. “We practice around the clock, and it’s starting to take a toll, especially with all the performances added to that.”

“I can imagine,” you said quietly, saddened by the fact that he had to be working so hard, but didn’t mention it. Mingyu didn’t reply as he looked at the ingredients you had set out.

“Are we making steak?” he asked, seeming somewhat disappointed, at which you frowned a little.

“Yeah, I thought you liked it,” you said with a slightly quirked eyebrow and turned to look at Mingyu, who still had a sourish face on.

“Sure, but I’m not really feeling it today…” he trailed off and sighed heavily. “But it’ll do, don’t worry.”

Food had never been an obstacle before, so you felt a bit upset at his words, but tried to shrug the feeling off. After all, you were with Mingyu for the first time in a long time, and you wanted to make the best out of it. …Or try to, at least.

You cooked with an unusual silence over you, considering you normally talked quite a bit, sharing stories about your days and just updating each other in general. And yet now there was none of that, and what made you feel the most anxious was that not once had he asked how you were or what you had been up to.

Far gone were his regular check-ups on you and his interest in you, on many levels.

“Mingyu, is everything okay?” you asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as you possibly could while feeling like you were next to a stranger while he was the person who had gotten closer to you than anyone else, and got back a low, disinterested hum. “You don’t… seem good.”

He let out a sigh. “Like I said, I’m tired. I’m fine. Let’s just get this dinner over and done with.”

Your heart dropped at his words, which he said so harshly that there was not much room for interpretations: he felt like your date was a chore.

Swallowing, you continued chopping the cucumber that your salad was still missing. “…Right.”

The dinner itself was just as disappointing as the cooking, and you found yourself waiting for it to end, even if - or exactly because - it meant you wouldn’t see Mingyu for another few weeks at least. You barely talked, and even your appetite had disappeared on most part: you could hardly finish the small portion of food that you had taken on your plate.

Not much after finishing his food, Mingyu emptied his glass and sighed. “I should get going.”

If the night had gone any differently you would’ve disappointedly asked him ”Already?” yet now you found yourself feeling indifferent as you nodded. “Okay.”

He took his dishes away and moved on to put his jacket and shoes on while you took your own dishes to the sink, some food still on the plate. Afterwards you went to the clothing rack, where he was getting dressed, but didn’t get too close to him.

Before leaving and mumbling, “Goodbye,” he gave you a quick peck on your temple and briefly placed his hand on your lower back.

As the door closed behind him, you let out a shaky sigh, your apartment feeling a lot colder than it actually was. Anxious, frustrated and sad tears welled up in your eyes at the realization that the only physical contact you had gotten from Mingyu after a month of not seeing him were a quick peck on your temple and his hand on your back for two seconds.

Were you even dating anymore?

…

The next time you were ’fortunate’ enough to see Mingyu, the tension between the two of you could’ve been cut with a knife. He was visibly tired and you knew how busy he was, but none of it excused the way he had treated you, whether it was via text messages or in person.

That day, you visited him at the dorm, invited by him, yet you were met with barely anything more than a cold shoulder.

“Hi,” Mingyu said when he saw you at the door to his room, and you stared at him.

“That’s all?” you asked, taking slow steps towards him while he sat by the desk in the room. You took a seat on the bed you could somewhat remember belonging to Jihoon, and fiddled with the hem of your shirt. You felt so anxious you might as well have thrown up, but were somewhat able to keep your composure. After all, it had to be done. “Mingyu… I want to be honest with you.”

“What’s on your mind?” he asked with a sigh and turned to look at you. You clenched your teeth, then clicked your tongue before finally speaking up again.

“I don’t know what’s happening, but I really feel like… you know, if you loved me, you’d put more of an effort into this relationship of ours, or what’s left of it,” you said, articulating each word as well as you could while trying to will your body not to shake so awfully, which was rather futile.

Mingyu blinked. “Exactly.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “What does tha–”

“If I loved you,” he said blankly, as though slamming the ugly truth straight into your face.

And just like that, you felt your heart drop, your stomach turn, air leave your lungs, your vision blur with tears…

Something along the lines of the beginning of a heartbreak.

“That’s it,” you said, your voice now shaky and giving away the emotional turmoil you were in, and stood up. Even your legs felt shaky as you walked to the door. “After everything… I’m done.”

It wasn’t until you had slammed the door shut behind yourself that Mingyu started realizing just what had happened, but by the time he had left the bedroom, you were already gone from the dorm. Some of the members had come out from wherever they had been, and having witnessed your rather emotional storming out, were now staring at Mingyu disapprovingly.

“What did you do?” Minghao asked with a pout, his eyebrows in a frown.

Mingyu ran his fingers through his hair and sighed exasperatedly. “Something really stupid.”

“No kidding,” Seungkwan mumbled in dismay and shook his head. Some of the others mumbled something in agreement, and in the end Mingyu groaned and locked himself up in his bedroom.

How had things ended up like that?

…

You hated going back home, because for most of the journey, there were tears streaming down your cheeks, which attracted way more attention than you wanted on yourself in that moment.

You felt sick to your stomach, your heart was aching, you were cold and shaky, and most annoyingly, your mind wouldn’t stop replaying some of the best memories you had of your relationship with Mingyu.

All of the times he had smiled at you while hugging you, or cuddled you peacefully, or teased you and said he loved you right after, or leaned down to press the softest of kisses to your lips…

“I hate him,” you said through your tears when you locked the door to your apartment behind yourself and threw your bag and jacket to the floor, not caring where they ended up, and toed your shoes off.

Almost blindly, you went to your bed, got under the blankets and grabbed the extra pillow you had lying around, hugging it tight to your chest.

It didn’t stop the ache nor did it make you feel particularly better, but it did give you the tiniest sense of comfort.

Some time later, you heard your phone ring, and upon checking it, saw that it was Mingyu.

Wincing, you declined his call and turned your phone off before returning to hugging your pillow, which you still held close to yourself when you fell asleep around half an hour later, your tears having stained your cheeks and your eyes annoyingly puffy already.

The last thought before you drifted off to sleep was that you should’ve known it wouldn’t be easy to date an idol.

You should’ve known that you were bound to get hurt.

…

Days rolled by one by one, and with you having blocked Mingyu in just about every platform you could think of, you were slowly starting to feel a bit more at ease.

You still winced whenever there was something that reminded you of him - which was awfully many things, really - but at least you didn’t have to witness his attempts of contacting you, and finally it felt like a good thing that he was too busy to drop by.

During the first few days, you collected most of his things that had in one way or another ended up at your place, into a box. It wasn’t that many things, really: mostly some pieces of clothing or jewelry, some CDs or scents, among everything else.

It was more and more frequently that you found yourself looking out of the window and getting lost in your thoughts, the main one revolving around how much it hurt to hear someone you had loved for so long suddenly say “If I loved you”.

You couldn’t help but wonder when the feeling had first died.

Whether it was because you were drained from energy or because the ringing of your doorbell brought you back to reality from one of such journeys to your thoughts, you completely forgot about the possibility of the visitor being someone you didn’t want to see as you went to the door.

And indeed, as soon as you opened the door, you were met with Mingyu, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers and looking almost as horrendous as you were.

“Y/N, I want to ta–”

The sight had made your heart skip a beat, and definitely not in a good way, and suddenly you went from feeling nice and calm to full blown anxiety as you shut the door.

“Go away,” you said through the door, holding your hands against the wood as if you were trying to prevent Mingyu from opening it, despite the door being locked already.

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu said, and it hurt you more than you wanted it to when you heard him sniffle. “I’ve been so stupid and I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have–”

“That’s right,” you said through your own tears, sniffling as you wiped your eyes with your sleeves. “You shouldn’t have said anything, you shouldn’t have treated me so badly, you shouldn’t have–”

“Been such a lousy boyfriend, I know,” he continued your sentence, and you hummed in a reply, sniffling. Mingyu sighed shakily, looking at the flowers he was holding. “I got you your favorite flowers, Y/N. I know how much you like them. Even if you don’t want to talk with me, please accept them.”

Your heart beat fast in your chest as you processed his words, thinking about all the possible outcomes of whatever you chose to do next, and eventually you found yourself opening the door, although very slowly.

“…Come in, I’ll listen, but only for as long as I’m comfortable with. I’ve got some of your stuff to give you anyway,” you said quietly, looking at Mingyu’s feet instead of his face. He nodded and waited for you to move away from the doorway until he took slow steps into your apartment.

In silence, you went to sit on your couch, and a bit awkwardly, Mingyu brought the flowers closer to you. “So… these are for you.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled and looked at the flowers, cursing the fact that they were the very same ones he had somehow managed to give you on your first date as tears welled up in your eyes again, and you had to wipe them away.

Without much consideration, Mingyu got an arm around you and pulled you close, placing his lips to the top of your head.

And as much as you wanted to stay strong and pull away, it was an undeniable fact that Mingyu’s arms were one of your absolute favorite places to be, and in that moment that was right where you needed to be.

“I love you,” Mingyu whispered, and you could feel his tears fall onto your head. “I’m so sorry about everything.”

You nodded and weakly clung onto the sweater he was wearing while holding the flowers on your lap.

“You should be,” you muttered, and slowly lifted your face, tainted with tears, much like Mingyu’s. Your lips quivered and your voice wavered as you spoke. “You broke my heart.”

“I know,” Mingyu said, his lips forming an involuntary pout. “And I’m so sorry.”

You hid your face in his chest for a while, trying to calm down while a surprisingly comfortable silence hung over you.

“If… if you’d let me, I’d like to help you fix it, too,” Mingyu said suddenly, his voice quiet yet still emotional. You bit on your lower lip.

“You can try,” you whispered, sighing. “I’ll let you try.”

“Thank you,” he merely breathed and hugged you close.

You hadn’t forgiven him, no, but you were willing to see how things would play out if you did let him, indeed, try. If it got too much, you could always end it.

But for the time being, you wanted to enjoy the comfort of his embrace, which you had missed more than you could express with words, after months and months of not experiencing it.

“I’ve missed this,” Mingyu noted quietly, his hand stroking your arm soothingly. You hummed. “I’ll make sure that things will change.”

Nodding slowly, you sighed and relaxed against him.

“I’m tired,” you said, and got an amused huff of breath from Mingyu.

“You should sleep. I can go,” he mumbled softly, and blinked in surprise when you shook your head.

“Stay,” you said just as softly, and looked up at him, “I want to be with you for a little more.”

He melted into a warm smile as he nodded and took you to bed, and held your hand while you got comfortable under your blankets and fell asleep in a blink of an eye.

You were surprised to find Mingyu there even when you woke up, but you felt surprisingly serene at the sight. Stroking his hair slowly, you smiled a little when his eyes fluttered open.

“Don’t you have places to be?” you asked quietly, and got back a goofy smile and his hand slowly reaching for your cheek, and when you didn’t pull away, he cupped it gently.

“Not today.”

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#mingyu scenarios #mingyu angst #seventeen scenarios #seventeen angst #mingyu imagines #seventeen imagines

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