#ive actually written a really minor one but it was more me getting my thoughts down after | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunoksunny · 1 year

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It’s All Ending Now | N.RK

Pairing: nishimura riki x kumiho!reader (fem)

Genre: written for @svngcore‘s ‘so ends the myth’ collab; fluff, angst, fantasy, based on a myth (kumiho)

Warnings: minor character death, blood, wounds, violence, weapons, kissing, hints at misogyny, heeseung being slightly insane, near death experiences, large timeskips

Word Count: 10k (10,883)

Synopsis: As a kumiho, it was only natural that you would kill. However, you put limits and standards on who you took the hearts off. You only messed with boys who showed blatant disrespect for the world around them and gave them what they deserved. All of them turned out to be the same in the end, they always did. But when you lock eyes with a boy through your window, you get a sense that something is different. Will this be the exception you have silently wished for? Or will both your hearts end up crushed, hopeless against the winds of fate?

Author’s Note: guys i really procrastinated this one BUT i’m actually quite happy with how it turned out. it is by far the longest fic ive written, my previous longest one was only 3k,,, so um yea i kinda had a field day. but thank you soul for hosting this collab, i had so much fun writing this even if i struggled a bit to meet the deadline due to me procrastinating (i literally had the idea for this since the beginning of the collab and only started actually writing it like a week ago HA...) i hope you all enjoy !!

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing out here in the woods?”

You turned your head towards the voice, meeting the eyes of a brunette boy hovering over you. You quickly scrambled up, dropping your hands away from the berries you had been picking. Of course, you hadn’t actually planned on picking them, but you needed something as an excuse to lead him away.

You stifled your giggle as you watched the boy stare at you in what could only be described as awe. You feigned surprise at having been seen and looked around in worry, leaning closer to call to him.

“Please don’t tell anyone, I just wanted to pick some berries as a gift for my mother. She really loves them, but she’s too sick to get them herself, so I thought I could pick some for her.”

You took a second to admire the boy’s features. His face was gently round with small and soft features, almost delicate. His eyes were framed by long, feathery eyelashes, yet they still held a certain glint of mischief. His lips formed a natural pout, and you watched as they turned into an easy smile.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t tell. I’m not really supposed to be here either, my mom says it’s too dangerous. But I want to hunt, so I snuck out.” The boy claimed proudly, his eyes crinkling a little at the corners as his smirk grew wider.

Of course, he would want to hunt. No matter how pretty a boy is, they all still want to ruin everything natural and innocent.

You gasped in mock surprise and let a small smile grace your lips. You looked over your shoulder once more before taking a step closer to him.

“What’s your name?”

“Beomgyu.”

You smiled again and watched as he returned it effortlessly.

“Has anyone seen Beomgyu lately? We were supposed to go fishing yesterday but he never showed up.” Jake asked, poking at his lunch with his fork before looking up at the others.

Niki and his friends were sitting where they always did, under the big oak tree near the forest, a little ways away from their village. It was their place to retreat from everyone else, a place for only them. They saw it as a much-needed break, especially since they were growing older and girls had begun to fling themselves at them more and more as their parents pushed them to find a girl and get married. Sure, the boys had never been opposed to the attention they got from the girls in the village, but Niki guessed the thought of having to settle down and marry one of them someday soon became a little too much sometimes. Luckily, Niki was the youngest of their group and his parents had not yet brought up that topic to him, so he was still free to mess around as the rest of them had done before.

“You haven’t heard, Jake?” Jungwon gasped.

Jake tilted his head, confused.

“Heard what?”

“Beomgyu’s dead. He was killed.” Jay said. He paused for a moment before speaking again, “I heard some of the townspeople saying it was a kumiho.”

Jake’s face morphed into something similar to horror, whether at the fact his friend was dead or the prospect that a kumiho killed him, Niki wasn’t sure. In all honesty, he didn’t know how the news had managed to escape Jake. The whole town had been talking about the murder and the possibility of a kumiho for the past few days. Niki had even heard his mother talking about it, and she wasn’t even positive creatures like that existed. But after all, this was the third boy killed in the span of a month. All the boys had gone into the woods the night they disappeared, then turned up a couple of days later with their hearts missing. Many people didn’t think it was just a coincidence.

An unsettling silence washed over the group. Heeseung frowned before his eyes lit up, an idea popping into his head.

“Hey, why don’t we go into the woods tonight as a group?”

Sunoo looked at him in shock, his mouth falling open, “Are you crazy? What if the kumiho’s real? Do you want to get killed?”

“Of course not,” Heeseung scoffed, “But if it is real, it can’t kill seven of us, right? We can just fight it off or something. And if it isn’t real, then we can put an end to all those rumors going around about it.”

Sunghoon was the first to agree, an affirming word leaving his mouth. Heeseung smiled before asking the others. One by one, they all agreed, albeit a few a bit more hesitantly. When Heeseung looked at Niki, he out a small chuckle at the younger boy’s quick agreement. All of them knew that Niki was rather dependent on them, having grown up practically attached to the rest of them at the hip.

Finally, Heeseung turned back to Sunoo, a sly grin plastered on his lips. The two stared at each other for a few moments before Sunoo sighed, reluctantly agreeing. Heeseung let out a small cheer before clapping his hands together.

“Alright, let’s meet back here tonight at eight.”

Niki trudged towards the tree with Sunoo at his side, the rest of their friends already waiting, their figures illuminated by the lantern one of them was holding. Sunoo breathed out a sigh, and Niki tilted his head to glance at him. The boy still didn’t seem very enthusiastic about this whole ordeal. Niki couldn’t help but feel a little rustled by his friend’s uneasiness, and silently nudged Sunoo’s hand with his own. When Sunoo looked at him, Niki gave him a soft smile.

“Are you scared?” Niki questioned.

“No,” the older sighed, “I just think it’s a bit silly to be doing this.”

“Silly?”

Sunoo stopped for a moment and met Niki’s gaze. “Don’t you? Even if there isn’t a kumiho, it’s late and we won’t be able to see well. The forest is full of wild animals and poisonous plants that we aren’t familiar with. If someone does get hurt, it’s gonna be hard to find our way out of the forest quickly and without other incidents.”

Niki stilled. In truth, he hadn’t really put much thought behind his decision. If everyone else had said yes, then he would too. Niki didn’t consider himself a follower, in fact, he was rather the opposite. But he trusted his friends and would follow them in whatever they chose. Sunoo watched Niki as he thought, before taking another breath and starting to walk towards their friends again.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m sure we’ll be fine. Besides, I'll be there to keep everyone out of trouble.” Sunoo said as he turned back to him with a light smile on his lips. Niki nodded, following the boy.

Jake was the first to notice them, calling out with a bright grin. Jay quickly quieted him, reminding him that it was in fact late at night and people might get suspicious if they heard yelling. Sunghoon joined in, although his remarks toward Jake were a little more snarky. The two were still arguing by the time Niki and Sunoo reached them, Heeseung slinging an arm around their shoulders with a broad grin on his face.

“Now that everyone’s here, should we get going?” He asked. The group nodded as one, as they set off into the forest with only the small oil lamp to light their way.

It was relatively silent for the first few minutes, each of them carefully not to be too loud in order not to awaken their drowsy town, as well as to not accidentally scare each other in the process. The seven boys moved relatively slowly, the one measly light between them halting them from progressing quickly. A silence drifted over them as they ventured further in, every now and then someone would snap a twig and their soft footsteps would freeze. Niki wondered if they were really scared of something being out here. After all, no one would be able to hear a single twig cracking all the way from town.

Eventually, they stumbled into a small clearing. Well, about as clear as it had been so far. There were still trees littered around and shrubbery to shove aside, but it wasn't nearly as dense as the woods they had traveled through prior. The boys drifted from their single-file line and glanced around as best they could in the dark. Suddenly, a hand was pointing toward something near the edge of the clearing.

“Hey, is that a house?” A voice Niki recognized as Jungwon called out from beside him. Following the boy’s hand and peering past it, Niki saw a small building. It seems rugged and hollow, but nonetheless, it did look like a cabin.

“Do you think the kumiho lives there?” Jake asked, his voice a little breathy.

“I mean, who else lives in the woods” Heeseung replied, stepping over a tree root to cross towards the structure. Sunoo reached out to grab his wrist, an almost pleading look in his eye.

“What if someone lives there? You can’t just break in!”

“If a person lived in there, they would take better care of it,” Heeseung scoffed, turning away and resuming his way over, “come on, guys!”

Niki watched Jay give Sunoo an apologetic look, patting him once on the back before following Heeseung. The others trailed behind the two oldest until it was Niki and Sunoo alone again. Niki fixed him with a questioning look, but Sunoo simply sighed, gesturing to the youngest before setting off to catch up with the rest.

When Niki arrived at the front of the house, Heeseung and Jake were already attempting to get in. Heeseung had a shoulder against the door, trying to forcefully knock it down. Jake was kicking at the bottom of the wood, although both boys’ attempts seemed to prove futile. Sunghoon spoke up, pointing to the handle on the door.

“Doesn’t work. It’s stuck or something,” Heeseung gritted out, pulling back before slamming his body against the door. It seemed to rattle the frail house, and the sound of something crashing came from inside the cabin. The wooden door trembled against his weight but held firm nonetheless. Jake looked at the boy with widened eyes, and slowly backed out of his way. Heeseung rammed into the door over and over, grunts leaving his mouth with each collision. The rest of the boys simply watched him, the forest silent save for the thuds and creaking of the house. Niki glanced over at Sunoo, seeing the boy’s face scrunch up in a wince every time Heeseung’s body collided with the wood.

Eventually, Heeseung sunk down in front of the jammed door, his steadfast resolve cracking. His head leaned back to rest against the wood, a sigh slipping past his lips. Niki stared at him before his eyes drifted to look at the house. The wood was splintering in some places, and the wood pillars at the corners of the house looked close to falling apart. The windows were hidden by shutters, although one was hanging off by the hinges, allowing Niki to see the glass behind it. It was surprisingly clear, and he didn’t see any cracks at all. The seemingly pristine condition of the window was in direct contrast with the withering state of the rest of the cabin. The building was obviously abandoned, and yet the window’s glass seemed to be kept clean and cared for. Niki leaned forward a tiny bit to look closer at the window, attempting to make out the inside of the house, only to see a figure blocking his view.

Wait, what?

Niki froze, blinking a few times. Perhaps he was simply imagining things. Yet still, a pair of eyes met his through the window. Inside the cabin, a girl stood in front of the window, peering at Niki with a curious glint in her eyes. Niki’s gaze flickered toward Heeseung in a panic, but when he looked back at the window, the girl and her inquisitive eyes were gone. Niki felt an unsettling dread build in his gut, the desperate urge to leave filling his body. A small voice in the back of his mind wanted to push further, to know more, but his innate instincts won. The realization hit him all at once: that it was almost midnight, they were in the middle of the forest, outside a strange cabin, with a peculiar girl watching them from the window, and Heeseung was sitting right beside the door.

“It’s probably abandoned, it looks pretty rundown. I don’t think there is any use in trying to get inside,” Niki rushed out, “we should probably start heading back anyways.”

Heeseung slowly pushed himself to his feet, a grin spreading across his face.

“What is it, getting cold feet?” He mocked, his tone light.

“I agree with Niki, let’s go home,” Jungwon yawned, “I’m getting tired.”

The seven of them begin to make their way back towards the village, leaving the cabin behind. Niki swears he hears Sunoo breathe a sigh of relief but chooses not to comment on it, still a little stunned by the perplexing girl through the glass. Niki glances at the empty window once more, only the darkness meeting him now.

“Hey, Niki! Hurry up, man!” Jake calls out. Niki shakes his head, turning and trailing after his friends. It was silent as they followed the path they took to the cabin, a lingering feeling of unease followed him until they exited the forest. The boys bid each other goodnight, small smiles exchanged, some pulled a little too tight around the edges.

Although Niki still felt apprehensive as he snuck back into bed that night, a peculiar wonder began to eat at him. Why was that girl living in the woods? Where is her family? Why didn’t she do anything? Question after question flittered through his mind, not a single one was he able to answer. But Niki wanted to know. He felt a desire to learn about whoever it was he saw that night, and it unsettled him almost as much as actually seeing her did. Adrenaline was still running through his veins, and with that alone keeping him awake, he formed a plan.

The next night, Niki snuck out through his bedroom window again, carefully shutting it behind him when his feet hit the dirt. It was a little bit more difficult tonight, however, because not only was Niki carrying his own oil lamp, but draped around his wrist was a basket, a white cloth carefully wrapped around the contents inside.

That morning, Niki had taken a bit more for breakfast than he usually did, claiming he would eat it for lunch as well. On top of his usual bread and jam, he also grabbed another serving of both, and a bit of cheese to go with it. Then, under the pretense of having forgotten something in his room, he quickly stashed the loaf of milk bread, the jar of strawberry jam, and the cheese block in the basket, tying a knot at the top of the cloth to keep ants away, and shoved it under his bed. He didn’t get to eat much that day, but honestly, Niki didn’t think he would be able to stomach it anyways. Worry was eating at him for most of the day, the thought of being completely alone in the forest, unable to call for anyone if something went awry. But Niki shook it off, his eagerness keeping him going.

Gripping the lantern tighter, Niki began his journey to their tree and the forest beyond. He followed the path the seven of them took the night before, retracing their steps a little slower than before, keeping a careful watch on his surroundings. He arrived at the cabin without any adversities, swiveling his head once more before walking to the front steps. Niki carefully set the basket in front of the door, the wood seeming sturdy even after all Heeseung did to it the previous night.

Niki’s eyes flickered to the windows, the single shutter still hanging loosely. He refused to look too closely this time, quickly slipping away from the house without lingering too long. He felt much more vulnerable without the assurance of the other boys beside him. Niki ran all the way back through the forest, leaves whipping against his skin and the gentle breeze turning fierce as he pushed out of the forest. He didn’t stop running until he reached the safety of their looming oak tree, feeling its embrace as his feet hit its roots. Niki paused for a moment, his breath coming out in quick pants. After catching his breath, Niki turned to look over his shoulder, a small grin forming on his face.

Now all he had to do was wait.

“Niki! Are you listening?” Jake waved his hand in front of Niki’s face, successfully pulling him from his daze. The seven boys were currently sitting around Sunghoon’s room listening to Jake tell them about his most recent catch from the lake and how his mother was complaining he spent too much time fishing. Jake shook his head at Niki before continuing his rant.

“And she kept going on about how I needed to start focusing more on finding someone to marry and settling down,” he rolled his eyes, lifting a hand to rest his chin on, “like I need to find someone, we all know that any of the girls in town would be kill to end up marrying one of us.”

Although there were some scoffs from the older boys at Jake’s confidence, it wasn’t as if he was wrong. They were popular in their village, and especially popular among the girls. Before Heeseung and Jay finally decided on one girl, they typically had a new one hanging off their arm every week. The rest of them always had girls giving them gifts and whatnot, vying for their attention. More often than not, girls would give them gifts in the form of food, such as pies or freshly baked bread.

Like the bread Niki gave to the girl in the forest.

He quickly shot up from his spot on the floor, muttering an apology about not feeling well and going home early. Niki ignored the weird looks the other boys gave him, walking out the door and away from their prying eyes. All he could think about was that girl. He had visited her cabin again last night, only to find the food was gone. And not only was that gone, but so was the entire basket, meaning that a human had to have taken it. An animal would have no need for a basket, and it was unlikely that it would even attempt to take it. The fact that it was gone confirmed his suspicion that someone lived in that cabin. He hadn’t been seeing things when he saw the figure in the window. But what should he do now? Was he supposed to tell his friends?

Lost in his thoughts, Niki didn’t pay attention to what he was doing or where he was going. He was only pulled back into reality when he felt a sharp sting on the side of his arm. He looked down to see blood beginning to trickle from a cut on his bicep. He winced, feeling the cloth of his shirt brushing against the wound. He glanced around him for the cause of the injury when he spotted someone crouching down near him. He paused, surprised to find someone else out here. He took a few steps closer, trying to get a better glimpse of the mysterious person.

The person seemed to be a girl, and she was crouched down beside a thin red fox, feeding it something out of the palm of her hand. Niki was a little shocked, everyone knew it was dangerous to go in the woods in general but to get that close to the unpredictable wildlife? It was essentially begging to get attacked. Niki craned his neck, peering at the girl’s hand, where a small piece of cheese sat being offered to the fox. With a start, Niki realized that could be the cheese he gave to the girl in the cabin, and this might just be that girl.

“Hey, you!” Niki yelled, wincing at his own volume. The fox jerked its head up before darting off deeper into the woods, leaving the girl and her bit of cheese behind. She turned to where Niki stood, a scowl on her face. Even with her expression distorting her features, Niki could tell she was beautiful. Niki didn’t get to admire the girl for long before she was stomping over to him, calling out as she did so.

“You scared the fox away! He has to eat too, you know,” she snapped at him, waving her hands around for emphasis, “Do you always just go around yelling in the woods, huh?”

Niki rubbed the back of his neck, a little sheepish at being scolded by a girl he didn’t even know. He mumbled an apology, speaking up once her temper had quelled.

“But you know, it’s dangerous in the forest. You really shouldn’t be out here.”

She wouldn’t quite meet his gaze, but he saw her roll her eyes anyways, “Oh yeah? Then what are you doing out here?”

Niki was taken aback by this, not expecting her to rebut him. He fumbled over his words, claiming that he was just looking for something, a certain kind of berry. When questioned why, Niki made up some random nonsense about how if you see those berries, it brings you good luck. Niki didn’t know anything about berries, nor did he care for superstitious myths like that, but he couldn’t tell her that he was trying to find a random girl he saw in the window of an abandoned cabin that he didn’t even know what she looked like besides a brief glimpse.

“Is that so?” the girl questioned, clearly unconvinced by his ramblings. She finally lifted her head enough to meet Niki’s gaze, and he sucked in a breath out of shock.

Niki recognized those eyes, he doesn’t think he would ever be able to forget them. Her eyes were the most memorable thing about her, shining through the glass. They held the same curious tinge as they had the night he first saw her, and Niki’s chest suddenly felt lighter and eerily dense at the same time. He wasn’t even able to reply to the girl, stuck staring at her eyes as they flickered down to his arm, widening at some point below his shoulder.

“What happened?” She yelped, reaching out to examine his arm. Niki hissed when her fingers made contact with his wound, the pain flaring up even though the barrier of his sleeve prevented direct contact. The girl’s eyebrows furrowed, and she looked up at him, inquiring for permission to look at his injury. He nodded dumbly, almost hypnotized by her gaze, and suppressed a shiver at the feeling of her cold fingers brushing against his arm.

Niki peered down at his arm, surprised to find a patch of blood soaked through his sleeve. He watched as the girl gently lifted the fabric up and away from the rest of his arm, bunching it up at his shoulder. The wound itself seemed to have gotten worse, red flaring up around the injury, blood continuing to leak from the cut. It didn’t look infected, but it was clear that it would likely be soon if it wasn’t properly attended to. The girl seemed to realize this too and turned her gaze back toward him.

“Let me clean that for you, I have some bandages at my cabin,” She told him, moving her hand away from his arm to let it fall at her side. She held a sort of determination in her gaze, and although he knew he shouldn’t follow a stranger deeper into the forest, something in his gut spurred him to trust her. Niki bobbed his head, trailing after the girl as she sharply turned on her heel and walked confidently into the trees.

As Niki tailed behind her, he noticed she moved through the forest with a sort of learned elegance, as if she could find her way around even if she was blindfolded. She knew which trees had hidden roots, knew which shrubs and plants were poisonous, knew when there was an animal nearby, and warned Niki of all of this before he had even considered it a possibility. To be this well-versed in the forest, Niki thought she must have lived here for a long time. The thought both intrigued and saddened him. He wondered what must have happened to her to force her into living in such conditions for as long as she likely had.

If she was a kumiho, it would make sense that she’s lived in the woods her whole life.

Niki stilled at the notion, that looming dread creeping back. The girl must have noticed his pause, looking back to give him an inquiring stare.

“What is it?”

Niki opened his mouth but no words came out. He shook his head, forcing a small smile across his lips.

“Nothing.”

She didn’t seem convinced, but he caught her gaze flicker to his arm and she nodded, quickly turning back. The rest of the walk to her cabin was silent, Niki’s thoughts swirling around his head like smoke, slowly suffocating him with their fumes.

If Niki hadn’t recognized the girl before, he definitely would have when they reached her house. It was the exact same cabin Niki and his friends had found nights prior, and it was still in the same poor condition as it had been. The girl seemed to only now realize this, and Niki saw a flush creep up her neck. She didn’t mention it, however, her strides assured as she pushed open the door with ease. Niki almost wanted to laugh, imagining Heeseung’s face if he saw this after he had so much trouble with the dreaded door.

She sat him down at a small table beside the kitchen, telling him to wait there while she went to go get supplies. Niki took the opportunity to observe the girl’s home. Contrary to the outside of the cabin, the inside was well-kept and nicely decorated. The walls held a multitude of framed flowers, each one labeled beneath in skillful ink. There were potted plants in most corners of the home, ranging from petite ones sitting on the counter to vast plants reaching to the ceiling. The walls were solid, it seemed as if there was a separate wall for the inside and outside of the house. The furniture was sparse and simple, but the abundance of plants easily made up for the empty space. Niki found the cabin rather cozy, almost warm, a stark contrast from the cold and menacing exterior.

The girl returned with gauze and two small bottles of liquid. Niki assumed one was water, but wasn't quite sure what the other was. She sat down beside him and got to work silently. She peeled off a section of gauze, dousing it in water before lifting Niki’s sleeve again, carefully pressing the damp cloth against his cut. She was gentle enough for it to not hurt much as she wiped away the blood surrounding it. Once the girl deemed it sufficient, she tore off more gauze and soaked it in the other liquid. Niki was curious, but he refrained from asking, opting to let her work instead. She turned back to him but hesitated a little before pressing the soaked gauze against his wound.

“This might sting a little.” She added, settling the cloth on the gash. Niki hissed, retracting his arm from his grip. Sure, she had given him a warning, but it still hurt, and it stung more than just a little. She also moved her hand away, peering up at him with concern.

“I’m sorry, did it hurt?” The girl worried. Niki shook his head, even though he could still feel it burning a bit.

“No, just caught me off guard,” He grunted. She nodded, pressing the cloth lighter this time, brushing it over the wound. Niki gritted his teeth, the burning lessening the more he got used to it. He spoke up again, partly to distract himself.

“What is this stuff anyways?”

“It’s diluted vinegar. It helps with disinfecting wounds, but you shouldn’t leave it on for too long. It could end up harming more than helping.” She answered, her voice smooth. It wasn’t long before she withdrew the cloth, and Niki let out a small sigh. He saw the corners of the girl’s mouth twitch up, but she spoke before he could say anything.

“Don’t worry, I never liked it much either.” She took the dry gauze and began to wrap it around his arm. Her touch was delicate like he was something fragile. He almost disliked it, but at the same time, it felt nice to have someone take care of him for once. As Niki watched her, he wondered if she recognized him too. She had to, right? Surely you wouldn’t forget a boy who had tried to break into your house in the middle of the night. But then again, perhaps she had mistaken the incident for a dream. For some reason, Niki wanted her to know that it wasn't.

“I know you.” He announced, his voice much calmer than he felt. In reality, his heart was pounding, his eyes a little too wide as he watched for her reaction. The only affirmation he got that she had heard him at all was her pulling his gauze a tiny bit too tight, pausing for only an instant before resuming her work.

“What do you mean?”

“I saw you a few nights ago when I was with my friends,” Niki began, his pulse creeping up his throat, “through the window.”

She finished wrapping his wound, tying it off at the side in a simple knot. He almost wanted to admire her work, the wrapping far better than he could have ever done, but he kept his eyes trained on the girl. She leaned back, looking him in the eye.

“I remember now, your friend kept banging against the door. I was woken up and took a look outside, thinking it was one of the wild animals I feed wanting food.”

Niki restrained a wince. After that disaster of a first impression, it was a miracle she even let him near her house. He felt the need to explain himself, but he quickly lost his composure, beginning to ramble and stumble over his words.

“We weren’t trying to break in! Well, we kinda were, but we didn’t think anyone lived here! I mean, from the outside, it looked pretty abandoned. Not to say you don’t take enough care of it, it just seemed a bit unkempt! That’s why we tried to get in! Wouldn’t you do the same thing? I mean, come on, it’s not every day you find a house in the middle of the woods, we just wanted to take a look inside!”

The girl suddenly laughed, her joyful expression catching Niki off guard. Her laugh was sweet, the sound easing the tension Niki had slowly built in his shoulders. She smiled at him, a soft easy-going one, and the sun caught in her eyes from the window, giving them a dazzling shine.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You were just curious. Like you said, I would have done the same thing.” She teased, giving him a playful wink. Niki flushed, muttering a shy apology. He looked back up at her, feeling his own lips tug up at her contagious smile.

“What’s your name?” He asked. The girl seemed to stop for a moment, her gaze meeting his. There was something there that he couldn’t quite place, but it made him feel warm and safe and nervous all at the same time. She seemed conflicted for a second, before letting her mouth rest into a serene smile.

“Y/n. It’s y/n.”

You weren’t exactly sure what to make of Niki. He didn’t seem to have the same intentions as the boys who you met before, didn’t have the same hungry gaze. Instead, he seemed curious, a desire to learn more about you as a person, not just for your appearance. It caught you off guard, especially since despite this curiosity, he still remained cautious of your presence. While the other boys were always smug, and overly confident in their abilities, Niki retained some humility. It honestly astonished you, knowing the crowd he hung around. You didn’t know most of their names, but you had heard about one in particular, the oldest of their group.

When you first arrived in this town a few months ago, you saw a boy who would always wander around the forest, often killing rabbits and other small rodents. It pissed you off. You snuck around town sometimes after that, trying to see what he did besides killing wildlife. You watched him for a few weeks, watched as he went through girl after girl, watched as he corrupted their minds and ruined their reputations. It brought him a sick satisfaction, and you wanted more than anything to give him a taste of his own medicine.

You purposely walked along the path he liked to hunt on, waiting for him. He responded about how you expected, all charming smiles and coy winks. You lured him in, purring your words and sweetening your tone. You acted like every one of the girls he had ruined, except this time it would be him.

You had known you had when his hands got a little too touchy and his glances lingered on you a little too long. His sweet words did nothing to mask the fervent hunger. He looked at you like he did the animals he killed. It sickened you, and you knew it was time. You teased him with a honeyed grin and watched his eyes widen in disbelief when you sunk claws into his heart.

You don’t remember his name, but you knew he had a brother. You saw him at the funeral, a deep frown decorating his face and fresh tears streaking his face. You suppose you shouldn’t have expected anything different from the boy, seeing as he was your most recent kill’s brother. He played girls the same way his brother did, although not to the same extent. He only seemed to do it after his brother was gone, perhaps in his memory in some sick sense. But he settled down, found a girl, and committed fully, treating her as gold. Perhaps that is why you left him alone. Perhaps letting him live when his brother was gone was more punishment than simply killing him.

When Niki came along, he took the time to tell you all about his friends. You learned the oldest of their group was called Heeseung, and was finally able to put a name to his face. When Niki mentioned Heeseung’s brother, you struggled to keep your face neutral, desperate to not let recognition show in your eyes. You swore you did a horribly poor job, but if Niki noticed, he said nothing.

Ever since the day you had cleaned his wound for him in your cabin, he visited you as often as he could. Some days he couldn’t find you, and you simply took the chance to watch him from afar. You wanted to see if he was as gentle with the wildlife as he was with you. You had seen boys that treated you with care but blatantly disrespected the nature beneath their feet. A voice in the back of your head was hoping he would mess up, hoping that your previous view could be restored. But he always stepped with care, never intruding on any wild animal’s personal space. You ruled out the possibility of him simply being scared, as he often excitedly chattered to you about how pretty the foxes and deer were, and how he wished he could touch them. He brought more cheese with him, and you taught him how to feed the foxes. Niki seemed entranced by them, carefully reaching his hand out, palm open, with a bit of cheese. His mouth opened in a small gasp the first time a fox took the cheese, and when it scampered off, he turned to you with a bright smile and wide eyes. You had burned the image into your mind and secretly traced it into your heart.

You were quickly coming to realize it was difficult to lie to Niki. Not because he could read you easily, in fact, he was rather dense when it came to understanding your inner thoughts, but due to some odd moral dilemma. He had shattered your previous perception. His gaze wasn’t a tiger’s or a lion’s, it wasn’t a hungry beast waiting for the chance to strike. It was like a gentle breeze, light touches and dancing around, softly encouraging you onward.

You simply couldn’t bring yourself to lie to Niki. Even on the first day, you couldn’t lie to him. Whenever a boy had asked for your name, you either made one up or simply refused to tell them, playing it off with a sly smirk and a wink. But somehow, Niki was able to make you let your guard down. Your name was rolling off your tongue before you could even think of the consequences. His tender smile as he told you his name made any thoughts or regrets evaporate.

You still remember how soft his voice sounded when he asked about your parents one night. The two of you were laying on your backs in the clearing, gazing up at the stars. He pointed out all the constellations he knew, chirping about how his mom had taught them to him when he was younger. His voice had gotten faint once he asked, and he shifted himself up on his elbows to better look at your face.

“You don’t have to answer.” He added in a quiet voice, harmless and unassuming like a rabbit.

“No, it’s alright,” You said. You thought for a moment about what to tell him and settled on the closest thing to the truth you could get, “I never knew them. They probably died soon after I was born.” You watched the stars, keeping your eyes away from Niki. Part of you knew that if you held his gaze for too long you might spill everything to him. And while you desperately wanted to trust him, you weren’t sure you could. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Niki slowly nod, processing what you told him.

“Do you,” He started cautiously, “ever wish you didn’t have to be alone?”

You stared straight ahead, silently stunned. You pulled yourself out of it, thinking over his question. You didn’t have a time when you weren’t alone, so it wasn’t like you really had something to compare it to. But you weren’t alone, you knew that.

“Sometimes, sure. But I have the forest. I have the deer, and the rabbits, and the foxes to keep me company. We look out for each other, we keep each other safe.” A small smile graced your lips, an honest one, not for show or anything else. You basked in the silence for a moment, listening to the wind as it brushed over the two of you.

“And you have me.” Niki declared. You looked at him, your expression confused, and Niki cleared his throat before repeating himself.

“You have me, too. We can look out for each other. Even if we feel alone, we will be here for each other, okay?” He had a determination in his eyes that you wanted to coo at, but you felt breathless. You simply stared at him for a few seconds, silence drifting between you, but Niki’s expression stayed resolute. A tranquil feeling danced over your body, and you let yourself relax into the grass.

“Okay. We have each other.” He smiled, content, and laid back down beside you, the dewy grass tickling your bodies.

You knew then that you couldn’t deceive him any longer.

When Niki visited you the next day, you had a sinking feeling. It was as if you were swimming towards safety but the closer to shore you swam the further away it got. You could feel your mind slowly getting tired, limbs numb as you pressed on. You prayed that Niki wouldn’t notice. You had promised yourself that you would tell him, but you wanted to decide that on your own, not because you were urged into it.

Of course, you should have known it wouldn’t happen the way you wanted. Niki had a way of making you open up. You found yourself carving spaces for him deep inside of you, time and time again, and now was no different. His eyes were considerate as they watched you, and his voice was small when he spoke.

“Are you alright? You seem on edge,” Niki coaxed, “Did something happen?”

You had never been able to lie to Niki. Even now, when faced with a question where you should have responded with a well-practiced lie, your breath caught in your throat. It was simple, you should never tell anyone about what you were, not unless you planned on them being dead within the next 5 minutes. And yet here you were, ready to spill out your heart to the boy with a gaze as gentle as the wind. In his eyes, you saw the shore you desperately needed to reach.

“I need to tell you something.”

He nodded, letting you take his hand and lead him back inside your cabin. You sat him down at the small table, taking the seat beside him. You remembered the very first time the two of you sat here, and you felt an urge to reach out for his arm, to look for the wound even though the scar had long faded. You felt Niki squeeze your still intertwined hands, and you took a breath before you spoke.

“I’m a kumiho.” You gulped, the feeling of dread building up again. It threatened to drown you, an overwhelming force pushing over your head. You braced yourself for him to attack you, ripping his hand away with a disgusted expression, using whatever was closest to him to strike you with. Or perhaps it would be worse, his gaze would turn fearful, his mouth dropping in a silent scream, and he would bolt away from you, taking the shore, taking your safety with him.

“I know,” Niki said finally. You stared at him, astonished.

“You.. know?”

He nodded, a simple thing, but to you, it felt like you had finally reached safety. Your aching body collapsed against the sand, feeling the grains stick against your soaked skin.

“I’ve had a feeling since I first saw you,” He let a light chuckle slip through, the sound feeling foreign in the current situation. Niki hesitated for a second, before grasping your other hand as well, eyes piercing through you.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nodded dumbly, far too shocked to be able to think clearly.

“Why didn’t you kill me?”

His eyes held a million questions, but he had settled on this one. You didn’t know how to explain it to yourself, let alone him You felt lost and yet seen, you were about to sink but he was keeping you afloat. When you were seconds from burning out, he lit you aflame.

“You were just… different.”

“Why? What did they do?” His tone wasn’t critical or condemning, it was simply curious. His gaze was humane, bordering on sympathetic, and you almost wanted to cry.

“They didn’t care about anyone else but themselves. They would kill wildlife and laugh about it. They destroyed and corrupted girls and got satisfaction from it. It made me sick, Niki.”

His gaze softened as you spoke, and he let go of one of your hands to reach out, brushing against your face delicately. It was only then you realized there were tears running down your face. You began to cry harder at the recognition, feeling Niki’s hands wipe away your tears as they fell, consoling you. You murmured about how you wished they would do such things, and he quieted your blubbering with soothing hands.

You blinked away the rest of the tears, peering at him in a mixture of shame and awe. He stared back with what could only be described as adoration, a tender smile painting his lips. Niki waited until your tears had stopped falling, reduced to small sniffles before he spoke.

“Is it true that if a kumiho doesn’t kill anyone for a thousand days, then they will become human?” He asked, a glimmer of something you couldn’t place in his eyes.

“Yes, it is.” You responded slowly, doubtful of where exactly he was going with this.

“How long has it been since you last,” Niki paused for a moment before steeling himself, “since you last killed someone?”

Your voice caught in your throat, the words like a vice grip around you. Niki clasped your hands tightly, whispers of “It’s okay” and “They weren’t innocent” in his soft voice reaching your ears.

“His name was Beomgyu,” You hiccupped, “It was a week before I saw you for the first time.” The only thing keeping you steady was Niki’s secure hold.

“So it’s been a couple months?”

You nodded gently, not quite looking him in the eye. You felt ashamed, a feeling you had never had about what you did to those boys before you met Niki.

“Do you think you can do it?” He asked faintly. You looked at him then, a question written in your gaze.

“Can you not hurt anyone for the rest of the thousand days?” He coaxed, “Then you would be human, you wouldn’t have to worry anymore.”

You almost broke out into tears again from his words. Never had you thought you would open up to someone this much, your heart in your hands, practically begging him to take it. You felt selfish, selfish for wanting to have him, selfish for tainting him with your previous actions. A part of you told you to refuse, that you had already gone too far. This was your only chance to attempt to fix things, to save him from yourself.

“I’ll wait for you, y/n, I promise. I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”

You closed your eyes then, desperately willing the tears pooling up to disappear. A single one fell down your cheek anyway, and a pitiful gasp escaped you.

“You don’t have to, Niki.”

“I want to.” He assured, taking your face in his hands. The two of you stared at each other for what felt like ages, before he spoke again, never taking his eyes off yours.

“Can I kiss you?”

You nodded as best you could with his hands around your face, and waited for the press of his lips against yours. When it finally came, only then did you allow your eyes to close, breaking the gaze between you.

It wasn’t anything like you had experienced before. It wasn’t rough, it wasn’t hungry, it wasn’t the beast you had come to anticipate. His kiss was just as gentle as he was, a soft, sweet breeze picking you up. It made you feel as light as the sky and brought you back down to Earth at the same time. It made you feel human.

Niki pulled back after a few seconds, resting his forehead against yours, a serene smile playing on his lips. You felt your own lips tugging upwards to match his, a silent wish to be able to live like him. It hit you then that you could.

“I’m scared, Niki.” you whispered in the space between you, “What if it hurts? What if I can’t do it?”

What if it doesn’t work?

“I believe in you. I’ll be by your side the whole way, I promise you.” He soothed.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, just holding each other. You decided to trust in him. You had already given him the most intricate parts of who you were, you wanted him to have everything.

Tonight was the end of the thousandth day, and you were finally going to be human. In all honestly, you were terrified. And you were upset too. Niki hadn’t visited you for an entire week now. You knew Niki had grown up some, and gained more responsibilities, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. You should have known he would have less time for you as the two of you grew older, it had almost been 3 years since you first met each other, and his town and family were calling on him to settle down. But you refused to acknowledge that until it hit you in the face.

Despite these new duties, Niki hadn’t changed as a person. He was still sweet, still gentle when he held you and gentle with your home. He still had the same beaming smile whenever a fox ate from his hand or curled up at his feet. Niki was still your tranquil breeze, the wind brushing through your hair and guiding you along.

You had learned more about him over the past few years, and under the cover of night, even gotten to visit his village a few times. His bubbly tone as he showed you around overshadowed the consequences if you were caught.

Thinking about all the experiences you had with him only made you more irritated that he wasn’t here with you now. He had promised you, and Niki was never one to break his promises. You had seen that time and time again, which made his absence all the more distressing. But perhaps he had simply forgotten, after all, it is difficult to keep track of every single day. You secretly prayed that he had just forgotten and that nothing else had happened.

That night, when you finally became human, it wasn’t anything grand or spectacular like you had often joked. It wasn’t the deadly pain you had expected either. Instead, when midnight arrived, you simply blacked out. The next thing you remember was waking up in the morning, sore all over your body, especially on the sides of your head, hands, feet, and lower back. You felt a rush of hopefulness wash over you when you realized those were the areas your kumiho nature was most likely to show through, whether that be fox ears, claws, or the easily recognizable nine tales. In a daze, you attempted to change fully into a kumiho, ecstatic to find that you couldn’t, no matter how hard you tried. With wide eyes and a blissful smile, you began jumping around your small cabin out of pure joy.

Your first instinct was to find Niki, only to remember you hadn’t seen him in over a week. With a newfound confidence in your humanity, you began walking down to his town, intent on finding him. You still feel a little hesitant walking around in broad daylight, but to your surprise, there isn’t anyone around. Assuming they must be working inside or resting, you head to Niki’s home. You creep around the back, to where his bedroom window is. However, when you get there, you were puzzled to find wood boarded up over where his window should be.

You curiously examine it, finding a small sliver near the bottom where the planks didn’t quite reach. You peer through, seeing Niki pacing around his room. You call out to him, watching as his head snaps toward where you are in a panic. He checks over his shoulder at the door before rushing over, crouching down until he is faced with the small gap.

“Y/n? You need to run, now.” Niki insisted, his voice strained, “I don’t know how, but the town found out about us, about how you’re a kumiho.”

“But I’m not a kumiho anymore! It worked, Niki, I’m human now.”

He paused for a moment, breathing out what you could only call a sigh of relief.

“That’s amazing, really.” He answered, his tone breathy, “But right now, you have to get out of here. They don’t care if you’re human now.”

“I can’t just leave you here.” You responded. You couldn’t, not after everything he had done for you.

“Y/n, if you don’t leave now, they are going to kill you.”

You wouldn’t leave him now. Niki had shown you what it meant to live, to be alive. You would never leave him in a thousand years.

“I’ll be back to get you out of here. We are leaving together.” You rushed out against his pleas. You heard shouts, and snuck over to the side of his house, peeking out. There you saw what seemed to be the majority of the town, standing around with torches and a variety of weapons, ranging from swords to spears to axes. You suppressed a shudder, catching sight of Heeseung and what you assumed to be the rest of Niki’s friends. While they all looked varying degrees of upset, Heeseung looked downright furious. You briefly wondered if this was how he looked when he first learned of his brother’s death.

Before you could think about that any further, you quickly retreated back behind Niki’s house. After taking a deep breath, you began sprinting back toward your cabin. You felt the wind whipping against your face, and the leaves thrashing by your skin, but you paid it no mind. You reached your home quicker than you ever had before, throwing open the door and hurriedly flying around, tossing whatever you deemed necessary in a bag. You doubted you would be able to come back here again, so you put extra food and water than you would normally bring, multiple changes of clothes for the both of you, blankets, other basic survival equipment, and the music box Niki had gifted you last year. You slung the bag over your shoulder, checking its weight before rushing back out the door. You flew through the forest, desperate to get back to Niki before anything else could happen.

You slow your pace as you reach the outskirts of town, carefully creeping around until you reach Niki’s bedroom window again. You call out to him again, watching through the gap until you see him appear. You gently tell him to stand back and he nods, moving away. You tested the durability of the wood, pressing on it with your hand. It had more leeway than you expected, and you pull back your arm, preparing to smash against it with your bicep. Just before you were about to slam against the wood, you hear a shout near you.

“The kumiho is here! It’s trying to get to Niki!”

You turned toward the voice, spotting a woman you didn’t recognize holding a torch, pointing her free hand at you as she cried out. You took off in a flurry, your instincts sharp from living in the forest for so long. You heard Niki yell something behind you, but you were already too far to be able to clearly make out what he said. You run as fast as you are able to, taking difficult twists and turns through the forest in a frantic attempt to lose your pursuers. Soon you are only able to hear one set of footsteps behind you, and in an effort to look behind you to see who it is, you trip, falling to the ground.

Your pursuer caught up to you before you are able to get up, flipping you on your back and pining you there. You felt the cold metal of a blade pressed up against your neck, stinging as it lightly breaks the skin. You met the eyes of the person and felt a tremble run through you as you met Heeseung’s gaze. His eyes are cold, and his mouth is curled into a mocking smirk.

“I thought kumihos were supposed to be agile, hm?” He starts, feigning innocence, “I was hoping for a bit more of a chase, too bad.” He traced his sword up towards your chin, lips quirking down into a taunting frown.

“I’m.. not a… kumiho anymore.” You gritted out, unable to talk properly due to Heeseung’s blade under your chin. He scoffed, peering down at you with hatred. He opened his mouth to speak again but was cut off by the sound of someone shouting behind him.

“Heeseung!”

You watched as the boy’s eyes widened, a deep scowl crossing his face. You recognized that voice, you knew it better than you knew your own.

“Stay out of this, Niki,” Heeseung ordered, voice bordering on a growl.

“Heeseung, please, just listen to me. She’s human now! It’s been almost three years since she hurt anyone, please don’t do this.” Niki begged. You couldn’t see him, but from the sound of his voice, it seemed like he was crying. The thought tugged at your heart despite the precarious situation you currently were in.

“I don’t care how long it’s been, this… thing will never be human. Not after it killed my brother.” Heeseung instinctively pressed the sword further against your neck, a wild look in his eyes.

“He.. wasn’t a good.. person.. your brother… hurt.. people..” You rasped out, wincing at Heeseung’s glare.

“I don’t give a damn what you think about him. He was my brother.”

“You don’t… know what he was.. capable of…” You croaked, feeling blood begin to trickle down the side of your neck from the small cut Heeseung’s blade made. The boy snarled at you, his dark expression causing you to shiver.

“Maybe I don’t,” Heeseung seethed, a sinister grin creeping up his face, “but I do know what I am capable of.” He drew the sword high above his head, ready to strike it down into your heart. You closed your eyes, waiting for the searing pain to arrive.

Instead, you heard a shout, feeling the weight on top of you lighten. Your eyes snapped open, darting around until they landed on the two boys. Niki jumped at Heeseung as soon as he saw the boy lift his sword, tackling him to the ground. Heeseung’s sword had sunk into his own skin when he fell over, the deep gash on his left arm making him cry out in pain. He ripped the blade out, tossing it to the side, a deep grimace painting his features. Niki halted for a moment, shocked at his own actions. His pause gave Heeseung enough time to reach into his own pocket, pull out a small silver knife, and slash it against Niki’s shoulder. It wasn’t nearly as deep as Heeseung’s wound, but Niki yelped out in pain nonetheless.

You scrambled to your feet, grabbing the sword Heeseung had thrown aside and pulling Niki up and behind you, pointing the sword at Heeseung. He stared at you, clutching his arm in agony. A small voice told you to just kill him, to make sure he wouldn’t follow you, to make sure he wouldn’t tell the others where you had gone. The thought of hurting him made you feel sickened, even after what he had just done to you. You gave Heeseung one last glance before you grabbed Niki’s hand and ran.

The two of you kept running until you reached a section deep inside the woods. After checking the surrounding area to make sure no one had followed you, you pulled out the gauze and diluted vinegar you had brought with you. There was a small lake here, and you dipped a piece of gauze into the water, not wanting to use up water that the two of you could drink. Niki had removed his shirt, allowing you easy access to the wound. You thoroughly cleaned his wound, before repeating the process with the diluted vinegar. Niki still flinched, even after almost three years. It made a fond smile decorate your face, even as the two of you sat in the woods after nearly being killed by one of Niki’s closest friends.

You wrap his injury in silence, the two of you listening to the water and the wind, quiet and mild, blissfully unaware of the danger outside of its own bubble. Once you finish, you help Niki put his shirt back on without further injuring himself or disturbing the gauze. You sit back a little, guilt swelling inside of you.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Niki turn to you, confused.

“Why are you sorry?”

“You can’t go back to your home now, and you even got hurt because of me.” You set your head in your hands, the day’s events finally catching up with you. Niki slowly pried your hands away, taking them in his.

“Y/n, you are my home. I never want to live without you,” He lightly smiled, and it made your stomach fill up with warmth as he continued, “I don’t care if we have to survive on our own in the woods or worry about where our next meal is gonna come from as long as I can be with you. I would risk my life over and over again if it meant keeping you safe.”

You blinked at him before pulling him towards you, pressing your lips against his in a soft kiss. He responded immediately, letting out a pleased hum at your actions. You pulled back, pressing your forehead against yours, mirroring what he did after your first kiss. He realized this after a second, a contented laugh leaving his lips. You felt his warm breath against your mouth and leaned in to press another peck against his lips.

“I love you, Niki.” You confessed.

“I’ve always loved you.” He cooed, an honest smile brightening his expression, “All our hardships are over now, I promise you.”

And even though that wasn’t something either of you could control, you believed him.

As Sunoo wandered aimlessly around the forest with his lantern, he had never felt more ashamed in his life. He never meant for it to happen this way, truly. When he saw Niki hanging out with this girl in the woods, he originally assumed it was a girl from the next town over. But when he saw the nine tails sprouting from her backside, he froze. Sunoo hadn’t known what to do. He ran back to town without a word, and couldn’t sleep that night. He was terrified for Niki, worried that the boy might end up dead any day. He had to tell someone.

So the next morning, he knocked on Heeseung’s door and told him everything. Sunoo didn’t see Heeseung’s eyes darken, and he didn’t see how Heeseung’s jaw clenched. The next thing he knew, Heeseung was calling all the other townspeople for a search party, telling them they were going to kill the kumiho. Sunoo had no choice but to join in.

Lost in his thoughts, he almost didn’t see them. But after looking again, sure enough, there sat Niki and the girl he had seen before, sitting together on the other side of the lake. She looked a little different, less fox-like, and more human now, but it was the same girl. Sunoo wasn’t really sure what to do. He knew what most of his friends would do, they would find backup and then attack them. He knew what Heeseung would do, he would go in alone, killing the girl at any cost. But he wasn’t his friends, and he wasn’t Heeseung. So instead Sunoo stayed still, and he simply watched them. He watched as the girl pulled what looked like bread out of her bread and offered it to Niki. He watched as they ate together, and he watched as they laughed. If he strained his ears, he could almost hear the sound.

After a few minutes, a fox pranced up beside him and sat down near his feet. Sunoo was a bit startled, but when the fox looked up at him and met his gaze, all Sunoo could do was sigh. He looked back across the lake at Niki and the girl, and he knew that he couldn’t fix what he’d done, but maybe he could give them a second chance. Sunoo peered back down at the fox, and in a soft voice, he spoke.

“Take care of them for me, okay?” Sunoo knew the fox couldn’t have understood him, but for some reason, he felt assured that the fox would stay there to watch over his friend. Sunoo glanced back at the two one more time, and with his heavy heart a little bit lighter, he turned on his heel and headed back to the village.

Permanent Taglist: @starrpt2 @sunnytheos @kalabasaa @ghostiiess @redm4ri @xiaoderrrr @en-chantedtomeetyou

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jils-things · 5 months

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happy new year! ; my farewell letter to 2023.

last year, ive written a similar farewell letter to 2022 and i want to make this a little tradition - so here's my second one <3

okay, so - wow. first of all, just wow.

this might be incredibly bold to say, but i think this has been my best year to be alive (i promise you i do not want to sound corny about it, but i really think 2023 was amazing for me.) of course, many things happened. im at my last year of senior high before i go to college, which is very scary but i hope i can be brave for it. school has been actually very generous to me recently, despite a few minor setbacks that looked very major when i was going through it, but overall it was very generous to me. but irl rambling is boring, so let's talk about my selfshipping blog!

last year, i had a verrrry firm grip on a previous f/o that im 100% sure old followers know - though im a little sad I can't find that spark to focus on him again - the shift in media has helped me find new f/os that i can say has been incredibly memorable to me. as we all know, im in a very INSANE pokemon brainrot since november or october(?) of 2022 and it has still remained heavily active in my head right now - which i honestly didn't even know i had the full capacity of doing! I don't know what magic this game did to me but i promise you im so happy i revisited this game again.

i would talk about how grateful i am to everyone has been supportive and sweet about my romantic f/os but i think the best highlight of my blog is my newfound love for my familial f/os - before that, i never had a single one on my list because i was simply quite disconnected to the family love concept, but after indulging myself in pokemon - i would come to discover pokemon adve.ntures, or poke.spe for short hehe. i have so many fond memories of finding myself wanting to read more and MORE - i would have every chapter downloaded beforehand just so that i can read it in my spare time, not even school that demanded my attention would stop me from sneaking my phone to quickly read through the manga LMAOO - but consuming the media itself wasn't enough, i needed people to understand the ROLLERCOASTER of emotions i had while reading and well, i think its very clear who those people were, the ones who came to save my miserable ass from (insert shocking scene in poke.spe) AHSJHSHSJSJS you know who you are and i appreciate you forever and they - i kid you not, helped me create something wonderful!

but of course, the video games were just as amazing. would you believe me if i told you i played gens 1 to 7 in one year? that's how much i adore the game and i still have yet to catch up to other games like the spin offs :] im not sure how to end this statement but. im so happy appleshipping and memoryshipping exists 🥹 i usually don't like thinking that they'll be with me forever because i believe nothing lasts for eternity but i just wanna say that they were just ... im just so contented 🥹 again, all of this actually would not have been so impactful to me if it weren't for my awesome mutuals hearing me out about it and supplying me with even more ideas - these mutuals would also end up becoming such loving friends of mine that helped me get out of my comfort zone and im still happy they're around (hi guys!) 💚

oh! and, what a surprise, i never thought id have an oc f/o! i initially thought that this was so impossible to do but?!??;?! it just happened i guess!!!! i keep surprising myself this year 😭

ok now here's the obligatory art summary for the year 💥

literally the best thing i ever done with my art is try using csp and it actually really helped me change the way i draw, and i even managed to cross out a few items in my last year's resolution thanks to it! i still bounce between using ibispaint and csp but i certainly improved!

the last thing im forever grateful about are the people who has been consistently supportive of my art - especially the commissions, i can't stress it enough how much it has helped me outside and it allowed me to go beyond my comfort zone when it comes to my drawing skills :']] thank you all so much

and finally, big thank you to everyone who sent me nice letters to my tree 🥹💚 its a gentle reminder that im actually ... pretty cool ig 🥹 and if you didn't send one, that's also ok!! you're still cool for reading this mwamwa

again im so bad at ending posts like these but cheers to a new year and let's hope it'll be better for everyone. 💚🫡 goodbye 2023!

#~ misc #~ rambling

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souryogurt64 · 7 months

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wait who said the “he would never confirm it to me” thing in the book? patrick?

im only like 60-70% done but heres my rant so far—

no, it was a reporter that was supposedly close with mcr. i could only find 3 or 4 interviews he did with them, and only one with fall out boy. its the same reporter that made the patina comment. maybe he did more but ??? why would you say something like that about someone you dont know

i definitely feel like a few “minor characters” like him are absolutely dominating the panic and fob narratives and a lot of the quotes from actual people in the bands are re-used from old interviews without any clear indication that this was done. i feel like some people in the bands arent in it all. 1-2 of these “minor characters” seem a little bitter/jaded too.

its really interesting to hear from some of these people, but like why is someone who (seems to) have interviewed fob one time 10 years ago talking about how he thinks pete spun his suicide attempt for attention. like why is he even being asked about that. probably because nobody else was willing to tell a rando about that. anyway stuff like this makes me question other stuff in the book a lot

also i feel like every time i see something pretty jarring that irritates me, i look at the name and its a name ive never heard before and checking the character list or even googling provides no clarity. i also feel like some sections read like what people were asked was a bit leading or weird

i also feel like there was no fact checking whatsoever, and like yeah everybody makes mistakes and people remember things differently. and i know how annoying i seem when i complain about small stuff but when combined with everything else it grates on me a lot

also i just skimmed this one ahead of time to brace myself but the “everybody was faking being gay for attention” section annoyed me a lot too for all reasons listed in this post plus TRECKETT. TRECKETT. being the bandom ship brought up. like god

also, so far, i definitely am getting the impression that very few people were willing to say anything of substance about panic at the disco for more than 5 minutes, and panic is not talked about with the same glow or respect that other bands were, which is really annoying because the other emo history book did not cover panic well either. this is another reason why i am filled for disdain for this book because i care about panic at the disco lore a lot. like stop saturating the market with this garbage please

this book has pissed me off a lot since before it came out so im also looking for stuff to complain about lol. my main issue with this book is the way that it is very disingenuous and hypocritical about feminism so the author could get away with fanboying about brand new during peak music metoo and not be criticized by any emo teens online. it is Swmrs Behavior and i have a zero tolerance for it.

i also thought the intro was poorly written and disjointed and focused way too much this because it was more the author trying to justify his own actions than anything else and it was uncomfortable and annoying to read

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fuckyeahjasonschwartzman · 11 months

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im becoming a fan bc of spiderverse and i love your blog <3 ive seen a couple wes anderson movies/scott pilgrim but are there any movies or shows you’d recommend? thank u!!

okay so fair warning, outside of the animated movies, the wes anderson ones, and spvtw, pretty much all jschwartz movies and shows are going to contain something mildly graphic at the least. usually it's weird sex which I think is awesome but I can't recommend viewing if you're a minor (most of my followers aren't tho so I'm not worried)

anyway, here are recs with my personal thoughts! (reading the little reviews is not mandatory but suggested? I guess if you want a better idea of what you're getting into)

Shopgirl (2005)

Besides Steve Martin's absolutely rancid performance, I'm actually a huge fan of this movie and I think it's so enjoyable. it's not a masterpiece, but there was clearly a lot of intent and thought put into the design choices and cinematography (I've written papers on the color symbolism!) and though the story isn't amazingly coherent because it was adapted from a much better written novella, it is still at least enjoyable. I love the atmosphere, and I think it's a very unconventional romance film that explores the unhealthy relationships that are glamorized in similar media as sexy and desirable (ray porter is a character that existed before, and yet still makes fun of toxic love interests like christian gray). and I like how it extremely accurately represents what it's like being a severely depressed lonely woman.

I'm inherently biased here because I watched this movie for the first time while I was in an abusive relationship and it still really resonates with me. most people luckily do not experience that so I'm a bit of an outlier here :')

2. I Heart Huckabees (2004)

I have no deeper reason for loving IHH I just find it delightful. it's weird, it's confusing, its kinda gross, it's shocking and you don't start understanding it unless you think about it really hard for a while. it's essentially a beginner's guide to different schools and concepts in philosophy, which I'm a big ol sucker for. lovely message that I believe is handled better than a lot of movies who go for the existentialism thing. not a fan of the director, but this movie is pretty enjoyable and leaves you with a lot to think about (if you're into that). LOVE the score.

3. Spun (2002)

INITIAL WARNING THIS MOVIE IS DISGUSTING. and I love it. it's so fun and experimental especially with the editing and cinematography, the pacing is insane, not to the mention the animation, the color correction, the everything... has one of the most amazingly satisfying closing shots in a movie, ever. but it's definitely not for the faint of heart, if you can't sit through watching someone snort meth off a urinal stall or a close up of someone injecting themselves with a needle, this is definitely not for you. (not to mention the sex, again).

4. Marie Antoinette (2006)

yayy finally an option that most people agree is good! unless you're French. I was almost named Antoinette after my French g-g-gma (got named after my French g-g-g-gpa Raymond instead), plus rococo is a huge interest of mine so I adore this movie. it was shot on location at Versailles, the costumes are GORGEOUS, and almost everything is accurate! it has a mixed classical-modern soundtrack and aesthetic that I find very effective in getting its message across. however I do tend to like this movie more than most because I know who everyone is and what's happening already! it's based on a biography by Antonia Frasier which is sitting next to me as I type this lol.

5. Funny People (2009)

HEAR ME OUT. OKAY. mark taylor jackson was my "ohhh shit this dude's hot" moment and this movie was The Beginning for me. YES, it's an Adam Sandler movie co-starring Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. AND YES. I FIND IT TO BE AN EFFECTIVE DRAMA. I don't like drama in film in general, I find most to be very unrealistic and unrelatable for me so I get bored easily, but I do think this weirdly works? I love how it's kind of an introspective look at Adam Sandler's career, with liberties taken, and the characters seem to actually have some chemistry and realism to them, even in the sillier moments. jason schwartzman is super cute. need I say more.

6. S1m0ne (2002)

ok, admittedly jason isn't in this one too much. and yet it's still worth mentioning because it's an insanely underrated and likeable movie! if anything al pacino is hot, and the entire premise is so unsettling and dystopian in an ACTUALLY WELL HANDLED sci-fi manner (good sci-fi concepts tend not to be "what ifs" but allegories for things that are actually happening already). S1m0ne is a criticism of hollywood, celebrity culture, and mass media, and it's genuinely just so creative to me. another contender for the best ending shot in cinema. ALSO, very pretty cinematography and a very fun early 2000s feel to it. the writer/director also wrote the Truman Show iirc!

7. Bored to Death

saving TV for last. let me tell you one thing! if you're looking for jason schwartzman at his best, you need to watch this show. it is so funny, so entertaining, and best of all, every character in it is so terrible and fucked up and it's wonderful. it's crazy, but grounded in reality, which makes it even crazier. jason schwartzman plays a hopeless romantic author who's boredom and disappointing love life lead him to becoming an "unlicensed private detective" who accepts jobs through craigslist. also there are zach galifianakis and ted danson, who play the two other main characters. the entire premise of the show is these three guys getting high and solving mysteries together and it's phenomenal. there's an actual episode where jason runs down the streets of brooklyn in full leather bdsm gear. there's an episode about furry sex. It's so weird and perverted and SUCH a good comedy noir(?) I can't not recommend it, despite having the worst fucking ending out of anything ever cause it got canceled.

tldr: I like bad movies

there are a ton more I could go ok about but these are the ones I personally enjoy the most. good luck

#jason schwartzman #I can't morally recommend the overnight or slackers but if you want to feel like the high mg edible just kicked in then those are there too

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lilyeon · 11 months

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ive been on a light novel kick recently

lemme summarize some thoughts on them:

7th Time Loop: The Villainess Enjoys a Carefree Life Married to Her Worst Enemy! 1-4: i thought it would be a standard "hypercompetent female lead in medieval europe" story and it was for the most part, in terms of convenient contrivances to make whatever whimsical actions that Rishe takes, but i appreciated the set dressing, at least. Rishe is funny and the repeated time loops makes for an entertaining premise.

The 100th Time's The Charm: She Was Executed 99 Times, So How Did She Unlock "Super Love" Mode?!: god this sucked. this honestly felt like reading a novel published by an 8 year old. so fuckin juvenile

A Lily Blooms in Another World: sometimes all you need is some simply girls who love each other.

The Apothecary Witch Turned Divorce Agent: interesting world with just enough worldbuilding, i liked that it didn't get explicitly romantic at the end, and I really enjoyed Carla's brazen attitude. Either she fit really well into the world around her, or the world was written to support her character, but either way, she felt like a complete product of her world and upbringing in a way that was really refreshing.

Did I Seriously Just Get Reincarnated as my Gag Character?! 1-2: there sure was a whole lot of talk about how much her character absolutely sucked despite being the most powerful being to the point of absurdity. i know the point is the contrast between game mechanics and expectation vs how she would be as a function of the world, but man that point was harped on a lot. as a protagonist, gotta say, trans as hell, that won a lot of points with me. "oh i'm suddenly my off-main RP character now? guess i'm a girl now, full-on. hell yeah" now that's the true trans rep we need

The Drab Princess, the Black Cat, and the Satisfying Break-up 1-2: it was alright, i feel like i would've been more invested if everyone wasn't secretly in love with her though i suppose it is an interesting subversion of the usual "plain boring princess" trope that everyone is actually super on-board for her to become queen. she's a deeply tragic heroine, honestly, and i don't think that's the intention at all.

Saint? No! I'm Just a Passing Beast Tamer 1: if this was a oneshot i'd be chill with it but the fact that it carries on somehow makes me feel so tired.

Villainess Level 99: I May Be the Hidden Boss But I'm Not the Demon Lord: i read the manga first and this was just more of the same. it's cute, i like Yumiella as a protagonist for the same reasons i like Carla from Apothecary Witch. i wish we had a bit more on Alicia's whole deal because she could've been interesting at the end there but instead she just made the whole thing boring as fuck. probably my favorite moments in the novel were Yumiella grinding the boss for drops and the Patrick confession scene for two different reasons

The Alchemist Who Survived Now Dreams of a Quiet City Life 1-3: i had access to 6 volumes but i had to stop in the middle of the 3rd one. i was displeased but willing to continue in the first novel when one of Mariela's first actions as a protagonist is to engage with the slavery thing, but willing to put that aside, but then we had several monologues about how much slavery sucks alongside diatribes about how it's Jay's/Sieg's/etc's own fault that they got sold into debt slavery. the chapters in the 2nd and 3rd novels where Jay is there being absolutely fucking miserable and you're expected to nod whenever the book says "Jay didn’t reflect on his own part in this at all, spewing resentment instead." made me fucking incensed. my breaking point was in novel 3 where a minor protagonist just straight fucking rips one of his teeth out after strangling him and replaces it with a Pain Tooth of Make Your Slaves Obey More, and it's immediately followed with that above line. just. jesus fucking christ.

The Weakest Tamer Began a Journey to Pick Up Trash 1-4: hey speaking of slavery, in this one they spent 2 novels telling the main character she should buy a slave, and then she gets there and is like "man this is kinda fucked actually" and doesn't, so good for her, but i read it immediately after Alchemist Who Survived so i was a little pissed at the fact that slavery was also a thing here because please that's not a system that is necessary to your world stop fucking doing it

ROLL OVER AND DIE: I Will Fight for an Ordinary Life with My Love and Cursed Sword 1-4: anyway not to continue talking about slavery but if you're gonna have it, do it like this one did, and make your main protagonist claw her bloody way out of slavery with incredible brutality and swear that she'll kill more slave traders if they lay a hand on her girlfriend. that part was great. shame it gets mega fucking transphobic at the end though, that whole bit about Mother being explicitly textually transgender and then not using the correct pronouns for her, the genitals = sex = gender segments, the gross parts where they discuss how Mother "isn't even a woman, yeah that tripped me up too, how gross is this dude". fuck that. the fight scenes and fucked up body horror parts are great though. and it's got a manga by minakata sunao, which is a shame given [gestures at novel 4]

She Professed Herself Pupil of the Wise Man 1-8: honestly i enjoyed it more than i was expecting. mira's cute, this is another one of those trans-as-hell novels where the protag is like "i guess im a girl now! this is great!" but i do find it incredibly unsettling how everyone is commenting on her looks and whatever if she's supposed to be, essentially, a 12 year old girl. deeply gross anime bullshit aside, it's fun. i thought i had more thoughts on this one so i was saving it for later in this list but honestly thats all i got. gross sexualization/infantilization of a young girl, but otherwise just a fun little fantasy jaunt

A Tale of the Secret Saint 1-4: fia's an idiot, i want more of her taking control in battle situations and less waffling about Great Saint abilities and fake-deep "political" """intrigue""". if you say any of these stupid-ass old men are her love interests i will throw a knife at you, and if the book goes in that direction even slightly i will Murder. canopus's devotion in the last novel was borderline for me dropping it. the manic obsession/devotion to fia is supposed to be humorous, i think, but it just comes off as deeply unsettling when the novel reminds you, as it often does, that fia ruud is a 15 year old (reincarnation of an incredibly sheltered woman who died at 18, so honestly even her mental age doesn't add much here). i know this is one of those chill life fantasy novels but i honestly want fia to serve actual consequences for the insane shit she does, not just passing-by mentions of having to do more laps or take training more seriously or being teased by her superiors or whatever. it's fun enough to keep reading though, i guess.

#light novels #im not gonna tag all of these individually #thats too much of a pain in the ass #spoiler warning for any of the novels i mentioned here

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27-royal-teas · 6 months

Text

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged for this by @shark-myths: thank you so much for the tag, i had a lot of fun with this!! <33

tagging: @luckyfinn72, @spirallingstarcases, @abovetherainandroses, @vampylily :) no pressure, just for fun!

******

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 10, but im definitely gonna increase that number if possible lol

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

34,287. I mostly write really short oneshots but im working on a few chaptered fics that i plan on finishing in the (hopefully near) future

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Fall Out Boy currently, I’ve written a few All Time Low fics (and im hoping to write more). I used to write a LOT in the umbrella academy fandom, but none of my fics from there are on ao3– and im not too inclined to share them since they were written years ago. I’ve dabbled in a few more fandoms between then and now (pjo, omori, etc) but fob is the first fandom that’s stuck with me in a while.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In order:

better off as lovers (and not the other way around)

my heart is on my sleeve

burn it up all night

chekov’s cat

(we’re) falling apart to triple time

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!!! I try to, at least- i love getting comments so much, they make me so happy. I hoard them like a dragon. I personally love it when authors respond to my comments— it means that they liked what i thought. I like knowing that i can touch people in some kind of way. so it makes me really happy when i can do that for others

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t really write much angst— i used to ONLY write angst but now i write mainly fluff with happy endings. planning on some darker stuff later, though. I haven’t written angst in like two years but I guess I’d say the angstiest fic i have- on ao3, anyway- is prrrrrobably burn it up all night.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

well, everything else, I guess. i really like the ending of chekov’s cat— not only did i have fun writing it but it’s kind of a very open ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope. I hope to maintain that nope but whatever happens happens

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do not. I’m a minor so i feel kind of uncomfortable writing it but I’m not bothered reading it as long as it’s not too hardcore porn

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t written a crossover yet, but I have some ideas for some good ones.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also nope, but if someone asked me to I’d definitely say yes! the fact that someone liked your fic enough to translate it into their own language or interpretation is really like, the hugest compliment ever.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Actually, I have, several times— the first fic I wrote ever was actually co-written with my friend. we were in middle school. It was a wings of fire self insert, because we were hilariously cringe. ive also co-written some umbrella academy with my best friend— she was the one who got me into fic writing for real, I owe her everything! and I hope to collaborate with @luckyfinn72 at some point in the near future— we’ve been talking about doing a collab on an ATL fic.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

oh boy uhh. I don’t really know, actually. I write a lot of peterick but I feel like I can’t say that they’re my favorite— because they’re not. I love to write their dynamic because it’s a lot of fun, but I feel like ultimately I don’t really have a favorite; ships I get invested in come and go frequently.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

In 2020, I began writing this story called Run, Boy, Run. It was a five hargreeves tua angst fic about five’s time in the apocalypse. I liked it a lot at the time, and I always wanted to finish it, but I never got around to it, and whenever I go to the doc I don’t know what to say. So I don’t think I’m going to finish it now, but I really wish I had back when I was more active in the fandom. it’s posted on my FIRST first blog, back before I made @blurrycow, but i don’t remember the url much less where the fic is.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. I’m still kind of new to fic writing, in terms of everything— I only really started writing two years ago, and I only started posting this year. I’m improving, and I’m getting better, but I feel like there’s not much I can pin down as a definite strength at the moment. I guess I’m pretty good at dialogue; making it feel natural.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

FINISHING A FIC. god. I SUCK at finishing stuff. I have twelve unfinished wips open on my chromebook as we speak. I’m not consistent in my writing style, I change tenses a lot, I’m lacking in writing feelings and descriptors, I’m bad at keeping the careful balance between dialogue and action. To be honest— I’m not a good writer. But I’m getting better, and I’m still young and also generally pretty new to fandom, so ive got all the time in the world to make it better.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve considered it but I feel like itd come out unnatural or sounding dumb. I don’t want someone fluent in the language to be like ‘they wouldn’t fucking say that’ either, so there’s that

19. First fandom you wrote for?

wings of fire, the one fic i wrote with my friend in middle school. also, before i learned abt ao3 i handwrote a 30 page splatoon self insert fanfic that i keep in a folder in my closet

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I don’t know. Usually I just post them when they’re done whether i like them or not because at least they’re done, right? My most kudosed fics are not my favorites. i guess i really like chekov’s cat. I had a lot of fun with the plot of that one.

#toby speaks #tag game #this was so lovely to recieve thank you!! :)

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comfortunit · 10 months

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ALSO also this is tangential at this point but i love to write fiction with characters who are against or outside of the gender binary and i thought like, an entire series where the characters singularly and only use It for not only the protagonist but another really important character, a fictional universe written to exclude transphobia from the outset with nonbinary minor characters thrown in at random, and you still have people misgendering the fucking protagonist and finding ways to write in misgendering it into the text. at least i could pretend people would respect my character choices when i look at mainstream fandoms but seeing the like rampant transphobia in a series that is trans itself? heartbreaking. depressing. made me want to put down my pen for a whole moment (not even getting into how much "person treated like product/who had their agency invalidated learns how to direct their own life" narratives mean to me and expecting to see people who got that theme instead of. treating it like a product to force to do whatever they want. do people not see the sad irony there. its like seeing an anime girl whos character arc is "people objectify me against my will and i fight against it to reclaim my personhood" and then watching the fandom/company turn around and only sell/interact with highly sexualized shit of her. like i THOUGHT people who were fans of something showing corporate and consumer hypocrisy would be a lil smarter! ive underestimated the average persons ability to be in denial of things and themselves however) ok ok im done sending my silly little asks i hope you have a good rest of your day

right, and a MAJOR theme of mbd is, as martha wells put it (i'm paraphrasing), 'the 'ugly' parts of trauma that no one talks about'. murderbot is traumatized and it's a person but it is repulsed by the idea of being 'humanized'. it just wants to be comfortable after so much time spent being told what to do, what to be, everything. prescribing it pronouns other than what it itself has 'written' in its DIARIES (wow a concept... 🤯 first person pov. fucking mind-blowing, y'all, firsthand experience actually lets you know how someone thinks/feels/perceives things. i know. it's crazy), forcing things onto it, projecting things onto it, that it never opted in to... it's just more of the same. murderbot's ultimate goal is to feel like its own person, it wants to BE. it's literally a struggle for autonomy, and i'm sure humans in-universe and in the fandom alike, they just don't get it, they think murderbot is going about things in a counterproductive manner like "oh if it hates the company so much then why is it still so attached to being a secunit and protocols and all this bullshit?" like god do these people have any fucking idea how trauma works? have they ever understood the trauma of others? my guess is a resounding NO.

and re: my gripes about it being aplatonic and no one fucking caring enough to give it the decency of this canon fact in their fanfic re-creations of it; it GETS MAD at perihelion for trying to FORCE its emotions out. and people write this off!! because they want to believe this is like "aww it's MAD because it LIKES ART" like actually people who care about each other can be terrible to each other! and not everything is secretly cute and adorable! a big POINT of network effect is that ART DOESN'T GET IT; it DOESN'T know what murderbot wants, it DOESN'T know how murderbot feels. it DOES NOT GET IT. the fandom insists on smoothing everything over because the idea that murderbot might have genuine feelings of hate, or intrusive feelings that it both is internally upset with but also embraces... it's like they can't fucking handle this complexity. they can't. they act like they can and they can't fucking handle it, or i wouldn't see it represented so fucking atrociously in fanfic, lmfao.

it's fucking INFURIATING !!!! 🤝

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yjwhatif · 2 years

Text

RANDOM NOTES FOR TARGETS…

This is super late but I wanted to get it out before reading the final issue…

ONE...

gar: why didn't she come to me?

cassie: c'mon gar. why do you think? you're her ex.

tim just awkwardly moves away from that subject: annnyway...

I always love a reference to the under-explored ill-fated romance of Cassie and Tim… rip WonderBird!

TWO...

its nice to see all the love ollie is getting whilst he's in his coma - in past seasons he's usually the one receiving all the criticism for the decisions he makes... in s1 he was the one to tell clone!roy about the watchtower, s2 original!roy hates him for not having saved him from lex/the light and there was the added guilt ollie felt for all the tragedies that seemed to have befallen those he was mentor to, then in s3 dinah was hating on him for going along with batman and resigning from the justice league. but now in this comic series weve seen cissie clearly care about him, lian, perdita, dinah - its all very nice to see.

THREE...

i had a random thought regarding the squad animal choices... raptor squad were in charge of observing and executing a targeted attack on Henchy - like a bird praying on its meal then flying down to strike. gorilla squad go straight into their attack - big and loud as a gorilla would if it needs to... also, I did a bit of googling on gorilla behaviour and it said they aren't actually as aggressive as they are often represented to be and unless they absolutely have to, they will make themselves look as threatening as possible by making a lot of noise to intimidate their enemy before actually attacking -- which is interesting, and made me think, you could say gorilla squads job is to make a lot of noise and direct the enemies toward them while mganns alpha squad sneak in undetected to find Perdita... I may be reaching with that interpretation and it might not actually make sense but that's just what came to my mind. then there's mongoose squad who are the backup team, quick, agile and the surprise cavalry you dont expect who pack a pretty heavy punch, the mongoose may be small and not look like much but they are capable of taking on a cobra and winning. (ill be honest this point made way more sense in my head and now ive written it down it does not.)

FOUR...

Match is back! i do really love how this show doesnt forget about things of previous seasons - like, in s4 when dick says bibbo got security cameras specifically in response to his abduction by the kroloteans back in s2 - they didnt need to give a reason for the cctv, but by having one it keeps everything tightly knit together and shows that nothings wasted - even with more minor characters... to me its the same with match being brought back here - any other show would have introduced match in s1 then forgotten about him and never bothered mentioning him again - but not yj - things might not get talked about constantly but that definitely doesn’t mean they’ve been forgotten… that’s why anything is possible with yj.

FIVE…

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE ARRIVAL OF MONGOOSE SQUAD! That whole two page spread is epic and looks amazing. It honestly gives off the same amount of energy as it would have had it been animated - when I first read these pages they got me so pumped for the rest - it gave me the same energy as the arrival of the heroes in Summit. It’s also great to see that all the outsiders are getting to play some part in this story - something that was obviously very lacking in s4 - I love seeing how everyone’s powers are translated into the printed format - massive kudos to Chris jones and Jason wright for crafting that - it’s so brilliant!!

SIX…

The “call Brandon!” sticky note on Barbara’s fridge - do we know anyone called Brandon or is it just a nod to Brandon viette? My guess is the latter but I thought I’d still put it out there.

SEVEN…

Cassie vs Devastation - so cool… Cassie being face slammed against the floor by devastation - so not cool! Ouch dude - that has got to hurt!!!

EIGHT…

I like how they show the broken comm signal as oracle tries to warn Conner about the kryptonite - it works really well at building the tension in conjunction with the imagery of match collapses atop of Conner… it certainly had me at the edge of my seat when I first read it.

NINE…

I’m gonna be honest, when I first saw metallo I thought it was another superboy clone situation but lex had crafted this one into a cyborg this time - he does kinda looks like Conner… it wasn’t until I read the next issue I realised he was someone else, then I realised he does actually say his name in #4 and he obviously wouldn’t be a Kryptonian clone because he’s literally fuelled by kryptonite… so yeah, in short I’m an idiot and I don’t know anything about metallo but he does look pretty cool.

TEN…

I really love how they colour the memories, there’s this soft, almost fuzziness to them which really emphasises the fact that these are moments of the past being remembered in comparison to the main present day plot. It’s a nice touch.

ELEVEN…

Ollie really went through some injuries as he kept perdita safe - though he never once stops protecting her despite all the bumps and bruises and arrow impalements - it’s great seeing their bond grow as things keep escalating.

TWELVE…

I really love that first page of perdita walking aimlessly through complete darkness demanding answers - it’s eerie and mysterious - I can totally imagine it animated and her words echoing in this hollow void. Love it.

THIRTEEN…

Virgil being squad leader for Mongoose Squad is so cool - it’s about time we saw him properly in a leadership role where he’s actually respected instead of being the joke of the group because he can’t think of what to do next. Obviously we’re still not actually seeing him give specific strategical instructions here, as the goal is just pick an evil robots and take it down, but it still shows a lot of growth for him since s2. Back then he was always so eager to be a hero capable of taking charge and guiding others towards victory, the problem was that eagerness always got the better of him and prevented him from figuring out the strategies needed when under pressure. Though his moment of leadership in Illusion of Control proved he was certainly ready to take on that responsibility - he just needed confidence in his ability to believe that - it’s good to see he’s finally got that. You go Virgil!

FOURTEEN…

I’m slightly concerned that robot just broke Bart’s back… I’m sure it didn’t and even if it did do some kind of damage, I’m sure Bart will probably just heal as he always does - but I’m still concerned about the boy! Also, I don’t know if it’s just a case of the narrative needing Bart out of the fight because he could potentially deal with a lot more than the plot wants him to, or if he’s just genuinely being clumsy, because he seems to be getting injured a lot recently. Bart you either need to pay more attention to your surroundings or just stay away from green things - they never do you any good!

FIFTEEN…

I’m gonna guess Shimmer melted Courtney’s staff is probably definitely not a good thing!

SIXTEEN…

Well Luthor certainly did a number on mr Juan Cordero, didn’t he… I mean, JEEZ! Honestly, the more we see of these metas Luthors taken under his wing (manipulated) the more I’m like - thank goodness for roy getting kicked off the team and tagging along with the runaway’s that time because they seriously dodged a bullet by cutting ties with lex when they did… imagine the way things might have turned out had that not happened!

SEVENTEEN…

“When I found out I was a metahuman with self healing abilities I figured everyone would treat me like a total freak.” Dude, self healing is not a freakish power - it’s actually a pretty damn cool power - one that would only be known about if someone either saw you heal or if you told them about it - so if you’re issues with image then you’re pretty golden. it’s also not really something you can lose control of unless you’re purposely getting yourself into scraps and scrapes. It’s really not that bad… ya wanna know what definitely is freakish - BECOMING A FRICKIN ROBOT WITH ONLY YOUR FACE LEFT GRAFTED ONTO IT!! THATS INSANE!!

EIGHTEEN…

“Scarab, we are NOT nuking the building, and I am NOT having this conversation!” Blue arguing with scarab is always a joy to witness - I’ve missed that!

NINETEEN…

I see you looking over at perdita roy… now tell me what is the situation with these two - are they together or not?! There are vibes and I have wanted answers since the first issue!! GIVE THEM TO ME!!

TWENTY…

I like how vertigo’s power is illustrated - the wobbly layers look really cool!

TWENTY ONE…

Poor perdita, Will just drops her catatonic form on the floor so he can worship queen bee - where’s Ollie the human shield when ya need him… oh ye, he’s in a coma.

TWENTY TWO…

So, it is cool to see queen bee and her power finally being used to cause havoc with one of the teams and for it to not only be the boys who are affected by her but also Violet who is of course also attracted to women - that’s all cool… I’m just like - I really want queen bees powers to be used to reveal a character’s sexuality that hasn’t previously been made canon in the show - I just think it would make for a great moment… like with Ed and Bart, who were unjustly denied their s3 reveal (I will never not be over that!), I wanna see them not being affected by her power, or alternatively, any of the female characters that are speculated about by the fandom, like zatanna, Raquel, traci, it would be cool seeing any of them being affected. It would be a really simple way - especially for the more minor characters who aren’t able to get a lot of plot time, to reveal this kind of information to the audience without needing to say a word or spend much time on it… but that’s just my opinion.

TWENTY THREE…

And once again everyone is dead… well, 50% of everyone… I’m sure they’re not staying dead… they never do… unless their names are Wally, Tula or Tomar-Re… The question is how will things be reversed? Is it another martian mind trick or could halo heal them or something else entirely? Guess we will find out soon…

The one thing I’ll add about this situation is that they really need to consider pulling back on the fakeout deaths… unless they surprise us all by actually committing to the kills - which isn’t gonna happen - we’ve had a lot of death fakeouts recently and the more they happen the less effective the moments becomes… compare the emotional response of this moment to when Kaldur killed Artemis back in s2 - with the s2 moment theres shock, confusion, disbelief - nothing like it had happened before so you truly believed things were real, up until the truth was revealed and with it you’re still feeling a whole load of emotions… with this moment, other than the initial oh no that’s not good, I don’t really feel anything towards it because I don’t expect them to stay dead for long. And that’s all I’ll say about that.

TWENTY FOUR…

Violets little bashful wave at queen bee is kinda adorable… while whatever Roy’s face is doing is definitely not!

TWENTY FIVE…

Ollie: that’s me. Always hogging the limelight.

Merlyn: ah yes. Lime. Green. So clever.

Ollie: wasn’t actually attempting a pun there, but whatever.

This moment should not be as funny as it is - but it is! I love it!

TWENTY SIX…

Perdita high-fiving Ollie after taking down Merlyn is a great moment! They’re so adorable together and I love seeing perdita being a happy/giddy 10 year old when she can be - her little face and excited jump for joy at Ollies proposal to Dinah is way too cute!!

TWENTY SEVEN…

I am now very intrigued as to how long Ollie and Dinah have been engaged and if they ever actually got married - because if they have been married this whole time, then that makes ollies walking out with Batman in s3 very bloody awkward… I shouldn’t laugh, but there’s just something a little bit funny about Batman breaking up their marriage… I’m sure that didn’t happen… or at least I hope that didn’t happen… 😬

TWENTY EIGHT…

Some random prediction I guess for the final issue… they’ve established this engagement so I’d presume the wedding or some sort of celebration will take place to close out the final memory. I think Wally’s gonna show up somewhere - probably in the final memory - and considering this is all taking place on November 11th, which is Wallys birthday, I’m gonna say they’ll be some sort of anniversary gathering/acknowledgment of that fact. In terms of how the fight against the robot and queen bee is gonna conclude - I have no idea - same goes for how perditas gonna be saved… in all honesty, the only thing I’m truly hoping for is some confirmation on the relationship status of roy and perdita! (I don’t ask for much)

TWENTY NINE…

Anyway, I’ve really enjoyed Target and will be sad to see it end - here’s hoping for this not to be the final chapter! There is honestly so much story yet to be explored in this universe and I hope whoever at dc/WB realises it’s just as worth making as all the other stuff they’ve greenlit!

#renewyoungjustice

THIRTY…

If you’ve stuck around this far, thanks for reading!

#renewyoungjustice #young justice #yj #yj targets spoilers #young justice targets #my random thoughts #young justice phantoms #young justice outsiders #renew young justice #long post #perdita vladek #cassie sandsmark #conner kent #oliver queen #bart allen #virgil hawkins #roy harper #not my pictures

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finagled · 1 year

Text

so speaking to my mom on the phone this morning, i asked her something ive asked her before, but im always hungry for more details.

'what was i like as a kid?'

i dont remember what i was like before 20 or so

so i ask her again, only this time, she asks me a follow up question.

'which ages are we talking?'

i like this answer. shes engaged with me. i like moments like these, where i feel like im actually speaking to my mother, and shes actually hearing me. usually it feels like im being written off.

'what was i like when we lived in south dakota, and compared to how i was when we moved?'

we lived in south dakota until i was seven. after around my seventh birthday, i was bombarded with thing after thing after thing until i was a different child, she's told me before.

she tells me something similar, but i get more details this time around.

when we lived in south dakota, she tells me, i was very happy. i had an abundance of energy and curiosity, i never ran out of things to say, and i was convinced to make friends with anybody i saw. i was really outgoing, she tells me.

she cant see me, but im nodding along.

i remember these times. life really was idyllic, from my point of view. i had two loving parents, and we lived in a pretty nice house in a beautiful neighborhood. i had a baby sister i adored, a dog and a cat, a swing set and a bike. i had friends in the neighborhood, at school, in girl scouts, at gymnastics. i was active. i had so, so much fun. and i really was happy.

when i was seven a cascading series of events turned everything i knew over, and the catalyst was the day i remember a knock at the door.

when i answered, i was met with a tall, lanky man who looked unfamiliar to me. but he was happy to see me, so i suppose i was happy to see him.

this was my dad, they told me.

i remember not really understanding. what do you mean, this is my dad?

i have a dad, he's right there.

but this is my real dad, they said. we were going to go hang out for a bit, so we did. he took me to the mall to play in the arcade, he took me to the fair, and i had fun.

this is my brother, he told me. this made me happy. i really like family, i was happy to have more. he was a little older than my baby sister. i havent talked to him in over ten years at this point, but thats a story for another time.

things were strange and new, but i still had fun.

that fall, i started at a new school.

my mother had gotten out of the air force and it wasn't convenient to drive me to my old school by the base, so i started taking the bus to school. i really didnt like it, leaving all of my friends at school. but id make new friends, i thought.

school wasnt very fun from that point, i had a hard time making friends. i didnt have to experience that long. a couple months into the school year, my mom told me we were moving to california.

so we loaded everything up. my grandmother flew out to help us make the drive. we took the cat, and left the dog and fish. my mother, grandmother, sister, and i began the couple days drive to the west coast.

nobody told me my dad, the one i had always known as my dad, would never be coming with us.

i ask my mom what i was like after we moved.

i grieve the person i was before, because i never got to be them again, and i dont know who they are anymore. i miss them, and im trying to get back.

she says i changed.

i no longer made friends. i came home crying from school every day. every day. when, months later, my mother finally told me that she and my dad were divorcing and he was never coming to california with us, i was crushed. my mom took a job in san diego, about an hour commute, and so i began to barely see her.

my new school was really bad.

i dont know why i was made the target. maybe it was the speech impediment. maybe its because im neurodivergent, and they could pick up on it, maybe in ways younger kids couldn't. maybe it was because i was one race, and that race was by and large a minority in this school.

all i know is my entire class bullied me. the teachers were complicit. the administration was complicit. and i was a little kid who was so scared.

one day in third grade, my mom finally got the chance to come to an open house. i was so excited, she didn't get to come to the school often. it was hard to get off work.

this next bit i dont remember, this is a story she told me. my heart breaks for the child that had to endure this.

we walked into my open house and the entire class, in unison, turned and faced us and exclaimed, "Ew, it's ____!"

and then... everyone just went back to the open house. all the children, all their parents, the teacher, like nothing had happened. even me. everyone except for my mother, who looked on in horror as she tried to process what had just happened.

she didn't say anything. she made it through the open house. ig bc i was so happy to have her there and she didnt want to ruin it.

she phone the administration the next school day. this was not the first time she had called. she demanded to know why nothing was being done about this.

the principal told her that maybe if i didnt wear dirty clothes to school, i wouldn't get picked on.

as if it was my fault.

im sorry, i really loved that casper hoodie. it wasn't dirty, it was just stained, and i loved it, and it was not a valid reason to make me feel like scum.

leading up to this, i had a rough go of it. the summer before third grade i had inexplicably gained a lot of weight, which just egged the kids on more. i cried at school, so they made fun of me for that.

after that open house and that phone call with the principal, my mom pulled me out of the rest of the school year.

i returned at some point for a field trip, where the kids were eerily nice to me, but they couldn't take back how they made me feel.

i wish this was something that only happened at school, but it didn't. in my neighborhood, kids i thought were my friends eventually started bullying me, too. i remember one valentines day in particular, i went to a friends house, only to be ambushed by the neighborhood boys who hid in trash cans to surprise me and they all started pelting me with spiky Sweet Gum balls.

this wasnt the worst thing to happen in that neighborhood.

all of this to say, by the time i finally moved to a new district for 4th grade, i had a lot of emotional problems. something she told me today is that i had a deal with my new teacher, that i would get a prize if i could make it to the end of the day without crying.

i wonder then... if she saw me cry so much, why did my mom never get me help?

#radtalks #cw for bullying ig??? idk #this has been on my mind and i really needed to get it out #im still bitter that so much joy was taken from me and ive had to claw it back #and tbh after typing all that out #and knowing how much more there is #i seriously cannot fathom why nobody stepped in to help me #i understand why it happened from her pov but i still just dont get why it went down like that #anyway :0) this started out fun to write at least

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shinneth · 2 years

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hello~!! didja see the journeys ep with paul yet? what did you think of it? 👀

Oh, I sure did! Less than 24 hours after it came out, no less. Which is saying something, since I've not watched any of the Pokémon anime since XY (more had to do with getting rid of cable + general burnout; not to knock on XYZ, but Best Wishes hurt me).

Thoughts on it? Well, a little on the mixed side. Least I can do is go over it in more detail. Without watching Journeys at all outside this episode, I've got the overall gist well enough. So, guess it's time to pick this apart.

Cramming 2-3 plots in one episode was a misstep imo

I heard the last time Ash's reserve group at Oak's lab was featured in Journeys, it did a less-than-stellar job showing them off. Apparently, a good chunk of them weren't even seen in that episode, let alone had a role in it. This episode rectified that and made sure every single one of Ash's currently-owned Pokémon was at the very least visible, as even the ones who only got background/still-shot moments at least got to display an element of their personality. That much I greatly appreciate. Guess it's inevitable that pulling this off well will only become increasingly difficult as the series presses on with Ash as a protagonist, so at the very least I can respect this episode for going out of its way to make the vast majority of these Pokémon relevant in one way or another.

Especially since the Fire-type brigade had a special purpose in helping Ash's Gengar learn Will-o-Wisp. And as someone who values the strategic aspect of Pokémon battling, I'm super happy it was this move that Gengar learned and not something like Fire Punch. I enjoyed seeing this being shown in such detail! It really did feel like stepping back to the older seasons that actually put effort into showing off the importance of training.

However, as I watched the episode, I noticed how much time was being invested in these two plot points and remembered this is supposed to be the episode where Paul returns after a 12-year absence...

And from what I understand, Paul ain't gettin' any more appearances after this. This is it! This is all we get after a decade-plus of nothing!

So, in all honesty, I think at the very least the plot of Ash reuniting with all his Pokémon, Goh properly getting acquainted with them all, and the training for the Masters 8 should have been its own episode. Because I do believe it's very important to honor history and give everybody their due diligence when the anime gives them time to actually show up and matter.

Now, with Gengar learning Will-o-Wisp? That meshes in well with Paul showing up. I'd keep that. But the abundance of nostalgic fluff (that I love, but I gotta tell it like it is) really made this episode feel more than a little truncated in the areas that should have mattered most.

It was a competently written comeback for Paul...

On a superficial note, I am a little bummed that Paul didn't get any tweaks in his design (such as colored irises, which Ash was granted from Best Wishes onward; before then, his eyes were just as dotted and black as Paul's). I certainly didn't expect him to get a new outfit or anything since they didn't give Dawn that much (... from what I recall they DID give that to Serena, buuuut Serena's from the era of customizable PCs so I guess that makes a little more sense? Didn't play Gen IV's remakes, so idk if they offered that in those), but it would've been cool.

Then again, I HAVE heard about the interview in which the logic for never ever letting Ash age for the sake of keeping some "feeling like the first day of summer every day" sentiment... much as I roll my eyes at that, I've pretty much given up on the progression of time EVER being feasible in this series. Up through DP, I could at least pretend Ash was aging a year per major region (minor quests like Orange League and the Battle Frontier didn't warrant full-year lengths to me). At this point, given the design and how many generations we're in now, there's really no other choice than to accept this is basically Anime Simpsons time-wise.

Paul having his own Gyarados, Garchomp, and Metagross was completely believable, of course. He's been doing this Pokémon training thing just as long as Ash has, and there was zero indication that he would have stopped after Ash beat him. Unlike Gary, Paul didn't decide on a career change. He was set on challenging Brandon again (more on that later...). So, yeah. It would be perfectly logical for Paul to have about as many reserves as Ash. Reggie's got a big-ass backyard for that, after all. And all three of these Pokemon are ones I'd totally see have Paul having on his own journey.

Would've liked a longer battle, ngl

I'm not sour that Paul lost to Ash again here. Ash losing to Paul at this stage probably would have damaged his cred significantly (considering what all he's accomplished from XYZ and Sun/Moon) - this is right before the Masters 8 stuff starting up, after all.

But I think I would have at least preferred a tie.

Then again, with a certain other plot element I'll get to in a bit, I suppose that might have weakened that message a tad. Really, though, I would've liked a longer battle. I'm just used to Ash/Paul battles being lengthy affairs, full of twists and turns and crazy-ass strategies being utilized. Like, in all fairness, all 3 of Ash's Pokémon gained significant abilities from this battle alone (Lucario got Bullet Punch, Dragonite got a crazy-ass combo move, and Gengar got Will-o-Wisp). I am bummed we didn't get a resurgence of Counter Shield - THAT would've been cool to see make a comeback! And it's one of Ash's few legitimately clever tactics. Though I guess that technique was more of a Dawn-related thing, ultimately. Still, didn't stop Paul from copying it in the Sinnoh League :P I wanna say Dragonite's made-up technique may have been some kind of loose reference/spiritual successor, but in practice it looks like they serve completely different purposes.

Thanks to so much time being eaten up with Ash's Pokémon reunion, there sadly wasn't much left for there to be an epic fight. What little we got was good enough, and it was very nicely animated.

The real appeal in Paul and Ash's rivalry, though, was in how Paul actually made Ash question himself and his methods/motivations. Paul on the outside came off as someone who should have no business being as good as he is because he isn't all about the "love and friendship" aspect of Pokémon. Naturally we're past that development for both of them, but this extended into their battling as well. Their first full battle was loaded with multiple switch-outs on both ends, Ash being forced to wonder what Paul had planned when something didn't immediately make sense to him, and it was just a glorious display of battling psychology.

I guess switch-outs being forbidden from the off in this battle played a role in how this could have been just a little bit more in-depth. And it'd be foolhardy to just expect this battle to be right up there with both of the full battles that happened in DP. The characters are both in very different places now compared to then.

Still, I couldn't help but roll my eyes a little when Paul actually wondered "Oh shit, is Burn really affecting my Metagross' strength?! The thing that the Burn status effect has always been?!"

ofcoursehefuckingknowshehasafuckingmagmortarwithflamebodyandREALLYfuckedpikachu'sshitwiththeburnstatussowhytheeverlivingfuckisheevenwonderingaboutthistohimselfgoddammit

... a GYM LEADER you say

So. I'm of two minds about this.

It's REALLY COOL the series itself is acknowledging that Paul is far too talented to just be an aimlessly-wandering nobody trainer and gave him something that'll elevate his status and reflect just how his presence positively affected the series.

Bonus points if (and this is SUPER-DELUSIONAL OPTIMISM btw) Paul actually became a Gym Leader for the next series AND was adopted into the game canon by actually being a Gym Leader in the Scarlet/Violet games.

On the other hand...

COME ON, HE IS AT LEAST A FRONTIER BRAIN CANDIDATE

YEAH FUCKING REMEMBER THAT? LAST THING WE KNOW PAUL DID POST-LEAGUE WAS GO OFF TO CHALLENGE BRANDON AGAIN.

WHEN ASH BEAT BRANDON, HE WAS OFFERED A POSITION TO BE A FRONTIER BRAIN.

SO EITHER

PAUL BEAT BRANDON BUT TURNED DOWN THE OFFER BECAUSE WHY BE A FRONTIER BRAIN WHEN YOU COULD BE A GYM LEADER AND IT'S NOT LIKE THE ANIME ESTABLISHED FRONTIER BRAINS > GYM LEADERS OR ANYTHING OH WAIT YES IT HAS

"It’s a group of facilities, somewhat like a Gym, but more intense where you challenge and battle against an amazing group of powerful trainers called Frontier Brains." -Brock

PAUL JUST NEVER DEFEATED BRANDON I GUESS

(also lowkey I really really really would've loved for Paul to meet Cynthia again...)

His behavior in the battle this episode DID have him more in, say, a "gym leader's" mindset, I would say. I'd go as far to argue that Paul wasn't really putting his all into any of those matches with Ash. He really seemed interested in drawing out new powers from his opponent. The few times where he shows something of a reaction during the battles, it's when one of the three new powers/techniques started showing that aura-like flare.

I'm certainly not saying Paul wouldn't make for a good Gym Leader. Given the subtle showings of his growth in the episode, such as Infernape actually following Paul's suggestion; something he wouldn't have done in DP regardless of Paul's prior ownership of him... also, him telling Electivire to play and all that, yeah. That's indicative that he's not as excessively rigid as he was before. Paul has the maturity and discipline to be an excellent Gym Leader; certainly 8th Gym Leader material for sure.

My thing is... this is very much beneath him. If the episode had more time, maybe we would have gotten Paul saying that in his pursuit of gaining power, he realized that wasn't ever going to stop someone out there being more powerful than him no matter what he did.

We could have gotten something like, Paul admitting that his fascination with seeing power really felt the most rewarding when his influence drew power out from his opponents.

Looking at the facts, almost every time Paul and Ash battled in DP, Ash would either get one of his Pokémon evolved or they'd learn a significant new move or ability (or technique). Paul is really good at making Ash dig deep and bring out the best in all of his Pokémon.

It stands to reason that Paul's passion might lie in bringing out the true potential of other trainers; it gives him a better battle to have that improves his own team while simultaneously benefiting his opponent.

With a specific sort of focus like this, added with the fact that Paul has zero type preferences of any sort (all we know is that he really likes powerful 'mons who are as good at tanking hits as they are at dishing them out), that really screams "Frontier Brain" more so than "Gym Leader".

In all fairness, it's never outright said whether or not Paul accepted the offer to become Gym Leader. Which can let me headcanon that while he went to Professor Oak to educate himself, it wasn't necessarily to become Gym Leader. Paul's realizing that he can't rely entirely on self-taught methods to ascend in this way of life. Whatever he becomes in the future, Paul's clearly taking the steps necessary to reach the level he seeks to be.

So while I wasn't really thrilled about Paul being used as the "measuring stick" for Ash's chances against anyone in the Masters 8, at least there's an implication that Paul isn't exactly spinning his wheels, either. Much as I'd love to have him be part of the Masters 8 (no guesses on who I'd have him replacing in that), clearly the powers-that-be did not have that intention from the onset.

Hell, one can argue that Paul becoming Gym Leader is just his stepping stone to reach greater heights. After all, it's not uncommon for Gym Leaders to later challenge, on on rare occasions, defeat and replace members of the Elite Four.

So there's an ounce of hope here. Of course, I don't expect we'll ever actually see Paul in the anime again. Maybe 24 years from now. I'll be lucky to be alive by then!

Paul plz

gawd you're still so tsundere af

BITCH YOU HAVE BEEN IN NO LESS THAN FOUR POKEWORLD EQUIVALENTS OF THE SUPER BOWL

SHUT YO' ASS UP

I'd post more pics/gifs but I ran my limit now

So uh... yeah! Those are my thoughts on the episode. In a vacuum, it's great, had lots of nostalgic potential and at the very least they didn't completely ruin Paul like they EASILY could have. Kudos on the writers for making him show his maturity through his subtle cues rather than making him overtly friendly like the rest of Ash's recurring posse.

I really do enjoy more strategic elements being employed in the battle and the episode overall. I feel like Gengar's Will-O-Wisp especially will be a game-changer for Ash's chances in the Masters 8.

However, I would've really appreciated having more time, maybe not compact this episode with three major events, y'know? I'm sure there's a filler somewhere in Journeys that could've been trimmed out to facilitate this.

Also not thrilled about the prospect of Paul becoming a Gym Leader as it's very much beneath him (unless this is some clever-ass tie in to the games and god is that ever wishful thinking or his stepping stone to reach the top), but I do like that I can infer that Paul's at least found a reason to battle for his own sake now.

Yeah. Remember when Brandon asked Paul why he battles? We never got an answer to that, ever.

So this might be the closest we get: not a Gym Leader aspiration, but a necessary step in Paul's mission to bring power out in others to improve his own style.

Could use some work, but considering I'm almost certain this is all of Paul we're gonna get from here on out, I'm just gonna treasure and headcanon the hell out of it.

#answered asks #mangoberri #pokemon journeys #pokemon paul #pokemon shinji #pokeani #lots of rambling #so many headcanons

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