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gershwinn · 4 years

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GLAMOUR’s November coverstar Lili Reinhart: A powerful interview on anxiety, depression, therapy and body image.

“Depression has affected me in so many ways. It’s something that never goes away,” Lili Reinhart confides to me over the phone. She’s in Vancouver, I’m in LA, but the distance doesn’t stop us having one of the most open and honest interviews of my career.

Many interviews with Lili seek to get the lowdown on her relationship with her Riverdale co-star, Cole Sprouse, who she’s been officially dating since 2018. Indeed, after much talk of a break-up over the summer, Lili notably uploaded a series of photobooth PDA shots with Cole, leading to an internet meltdown and more than seven million Instagram likes. But it’s the conversation around her other, more long-term relationship – with anxiety and depression – that she wants to talk about today.

“I’ve experienced depression and anxiety. Not constantly, but I’m still experiencing it,” she shares. “I have spells of time where I feel completely unmotivated, I don’t want to do anything and I question myself. I don’t know how to handle stress very well. I find that talking about it and sharing my experience with other people, and reminding myself that I’m not alone has been incredibly therapeutic.” At 23 years old, she has found an open and honest voice on social media, sharing everything from body image to her acne with her 20.8 million Instagram followers. It’s an outlet that has no doubt empowered others, but has also helped herself -no wonder Lili was just named as one of Time Magazine's 100.

Speaking openly is something Lili believes strongly in, since attending therapy in her teens. “When I first started going to therapy, it was out of my incredible social anxiety. I was having trouble going to school every day. I was crying before school. I would fake being sick so my mom would let me stay home. When you hear the term ‘crippling anxiety’, that’s what I had when I was 14 years old.

“Seeing the therapist allowed me to be understood. The goal for me has been to always leave therapy feeling a couple of inches taller. Feeling like I’ve alleviated myself of a problem by learning how to solve it. Not everything has a straight answer – it’s not just going to take one session – but I start to think, ‘I’ve grown, I’ve done this, I’ve figured this out, now can I go off into the world and try to put what I’ve learned into action.’ That’s how I look at therapy. I am not crazy, and I am not problematic. I am just a human who’s feeling something in a different way than some other people would.”

Having battled with anxiety for nearly a decade and actively seeking help for it, I wonder what Lili’s relationship with anxiety is like now? “Frustrating. It’s something that I’ve accepted, but I don’t understand it,” she sighs.

“Sometimes I wake up and I’m like, ‘OK, I have anxiety today.’ I’m not really sure why, I’m more irritable than usual. It’s like an undercurrent that lives within me, and certain social situations can obviously trigger my anxiety. I work a lot of hours, sometimes I don’t get a lot of sleep, and that makes me anxious. I’ve found a way to talk myself down when I’m getting super anxious.”

The small act of writing a list to help rationalise her big issues has helped. “I will take a pen to paper and write out a list of everything that I’m feeling anxious about, then when I step back and look at my list of things I’m like, ‘That’s really not that much to be worried about and there’s really no need for it to be causing you this much turmoil.’ That’s how I’ve learned to put things into perspective.”

When Lili isn’t hustling to deal with her mental health, she’s negotiating the greasy pole of Hollywood, which is apt given her recent big screen role in strip club drama Hustlers, alongside Jennifer Lopez. Jenny from the Block herself has taught Lili a lot about the power of hustling. “Jennifer Lopez has said about herself, ‘I’m always the hardest worker in the room and I never stop,’” says Lili. “I admire that and that’s what I’ve been doing. At least this past year has been trying to take advantage of where I am in my life. I don’t have kids, I’m young, in my 20s – I can take the time and energy to put into my career.”

Lili is booked and busy. Aside from Riverdale, she has just landed a coveted CoverGirl beauty campaign, finished her first producing role on the Amazon movie Chemical Hearts, and recently put the final touches to her book of poetry, Swimming Lessons, both of which will drop in 2020.

She says poetry has helped her to understand herself. “It’s therapeutic,” she adds. “I would rather feel too much, than feel nothing at all. Poetry gives me that feeling that my feelings are normal, justified. That other people have felt heartache and grief. I know that the things I’ve written are what 99% of human beings have felt, when they read my book.”

It’s this knowledge of struggle that meant playing strip club worker Annabelle in Hustlers really spoke to her. “I love how Annabelle doesn’t have her sh*t together, because that’s very real. There’s been a large amount of times in my life – like when I first moved to LA, away from my parents’ house and living on my own for the first time, I almost felt like a baby bird jumping out of a nest. You’re just told to fly, without being taught how to fly. You can learn how to balance your cheque book in school, learn how to pay taxes, but no one teaches you how to live on your own, how to take care of yourself, and how to be an adult. It’s very much a trial by fire.”

Meanwhile, alongside her rise to fame, Lili was managing her well documented issue with body dysmorphia – something Lili attributes to acne and to social media, which both contributed to it, but also helped her to manage it by connecting her to a like-minded community of people.

“Even today, I see myself in the mirror and think, this doesn’t look the way the world tells me it should. I don’t have a cinched, minuscule waist. I do have curves, I have cellulite, my arms aren't stick thin,” she says. “This is my body and we’re told that it should fit certain proportions. There’s such a disgusting problem right now with people photoshopping their bodies. Obviously, there’s a reason why people do it, they’re insecure, they feel like they’re not good enough, and that’s incredibly sad. When I see someone who’s authentically themselves, like models Charli Howard or Ashley Graham, who promote healthy, real body images, I think that is so refreshing and important. Our community values need to reflect that.”

She adds: “Charli’s messaging talks to me on social media. She makes me feel like my body doesn’t need to fit these impossible standards, and she’s a model, my body will never look like that. It just won’t, and 90% of women’s bodies will never look like that, but we are still only used to seeing one body on the runway and in magazines. It’s an incredibly stupid and confusing thing for that to be shoved down young men and women’s throats. Being told: ‘This is what beautiful is.’ And it’s often unachievable to regular people.”

Lili has equally been very vocal about airbrushing – having once taken a magazine to task after they photoshopped her waist. “I would love to see a world where people who are already thin don’t need to photoshop their waist even more, to make young girls, like me, when I was 14 or 16 years old go, ‘I thought I was skinny, but maybe I’m not. Maybe I need to have an eating disorder to make my body look like that.’ Life is not a FaceTune app.” Can we get an amen up in here?

One body insecurity Lili has been conditioned into dealing with and won’t tolerate any longer is “this idea of cellulite”, as she angrily put it. “It really pisses me off. It’s this weird thing where people think that it’s unnatural or a symbol of being fat. It’s so f*cked up because cellulite is just a part of the human body. It’s just genetic, it’s like having freckles on your face. It’s something that is there, you’re born with it, and it’s become this disgusting thing. We’re told: ‘We need to laser this away, no one wants to see that.’ There's nothing more beautiful than when I see stretch marks, or cellulite, and people’s real skin.”

Taking a new healthy mindset into the gym has also helped Lili overcome her body insecurities. “I’ve started to go to the gym out of the want to feel strong. I’m not going into the gym thinking, ‘I want to be skinny, or I need to lose 10 pounds, or I need to not have cellulite, or my arms need to be thinner.’ There’s so much power in feeling strong and physically healthy. It’s badass to be strong.”

Having overcome so many self-confidence issues while simultaneously rising to fame, I wonder what message she would want to give to that insecure girl who was sleeping on a mattress only three years ago. Without hesitating, Lili replies, “You’ve done good! But also, the struggle that you’re going through right now only makes your success so much more profound. There are people who have been given fame and fortune on a silver platter, but I don’t think there’s anything inspirational about those people.

“I was from a small town in Ohio, from a middle-class family, I knew no one in the acting business. I didn’t have a baton passed down to me from an actor in my family. I did it on my own from sheer passion and knowing that this is what I was good at, and this is what I wanted to do. There truly is a lot of power in struggle and survival, and that’s what makes you a strong person,” she finishes, defiantly.

People don’t come much stronger or more honest than Lili Reinhart. As we hang up the phone so she can fly to LA – the place where, she says, “I want to settle down and have a home” – I only hope she finds a happy ever after with her own mind.

Source: Glamour

#I know this is long okay #BUT #I really LOVED this entire interview #So GOOD #just from the topics to her eloquent as always views to everything!#so yeah #y'all getting long lmao #only cut a little bit of side info stuff #lr #lr glamour

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kur0m1bab3 · 2 years

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-The diaries of the boy in the atheneum | B. Katsuki

-Bakugo x Gn!Reader

-Wc:5.9k

-pt(1/4)

Cw: strangers to lovers, very slow burn, very cliche, canon typical lifestyle( ie. hero’s and villains), Both katsuki and reader are in college, eventual smut so MDNI,themes like depression, anxiety and loneliness are going to be heavily implemented throughout this story, this story is heavily character driven from both perspectives, themes revolving around the stigma of male depression as well as the societal views of therapy,depression, addiction etc, an analysis into the hero system, mentions of death, mentions of an serious illness(cant say yet spoilers), a deep dive into katsuki as a character.

A/n: Before I start this off I want to say Thank you sm for taking the time to read this story. It took a lot out of me both mentally and physically, considering such heavy topic were presented throughout this story. Thank you to all the wonderful people who took the time to beta read this, I don’t have many moots on this app, but to everyone who did help, thank you so much. This story is essentially a character study of my beloved bakugo katsuki. He’s such a diverse and complex character regarding personality and I wanted to dive so much deeper, since I see his qualities in myself. I had a lot of fun writing this, and of course there will be multiple parts for this, I’m trying to cut it down to three to four. This project was heavily HEAVILY inspired by ‘The liminal space between love and lonely’ by the amazing @prettyboykatsuki . I kid you not I read this piece almost everyday. Words cannot even begin to describe how eloquently, ari wrote this piece. His writing is some of the best I’ve come across on this app, they never fail to leave me speechless! So please make sure to go check out her blog and writing! Feedback,reblog and likes greatly appreciated!

Bakugo Katsuki really liked the library.

There wasn’t anything inherently special about the quaint library that peeked his immense infatuation. It was normally dim in the building, rows of old, poorly lit overhead lights casting a flaxen hue about the space. Old papyrus and hints of coffee permeated the area, the smell distinct and earthy, clinging desperately onto every fiber of everything there. The furnishing in the building was fairly old, if katsuki had to guess he’d say it hadn’t had a change in about 25 years. It reminded him of the Hogwarts library in a way, a phantom of a smile gracing his features every time he thought about it, making a mental note to re-read the Harry Potter series. The library was always cold; katsuki absolutely hated that fact though, the only thing he detested about his newfound sanctuary.

Katsuki frequented the library weekly, his visitations even warranting in the familiarity of the old librarian named Lilian, who always greeted the ashen blond with a sweet smile and butterscotch. The library had become his safe space, his little corner of the world, an escape so to say; though he’d never use that verbiage. There wasn’t anything specific katsuki would do at the library, some days he’d study, read and check out a poetry book or two or even take a much-needed nap in the corner of the building, tucked away behind the large oak shelves. Then there were days where he’d just…sit. He’d sit for hours on end. Thinking. Staring. Pondering. There wasn’t any specific thought in his head on days like this. He’d guess that on days like this his mind resembled something akin to the beginnings of a thunderstorm. Grey, eerie, foggy; loud with the buzzing of thoughts that seemed to jumble into white noise.

Today was one of those days. Katsuki skipped class today, a heavyweight resting on his shoulders he couldn’t quite put a finger on. His mood was

Somber; desolate fragments of his already broken psyche crumbling like a fall leaf. He had no desire to deal with the antics of college and life today; His Hero courses he’d been skipping; The phone calls from his mother he’s been ignoring for about a month straight now. so he grabbed his stuff and headed to the library. The train ride to the library was always nice, watching scenic valleys and rolling hills fly past his half-lidded eyes as a random playlist played in his ears. It was about a 10-minute ride to the library. Katsuki really could’ve walked, which reminded him to start going to the gym again, considering the last endurance test he took came back with the shout-worthy grade of a 70.

The library was empty per usual, a handful of cars parked sporadically across the parking lot. Vermilion eyes flitted over the grey landscape, as he lackadaisically strolled into the building. If there was one thing Bakugo katsuki absolutely hated, it was change. Everyone, even himself could attest to that fact, which is why the moment he stepped through the threshold of the library his jaw ticked in irritation. Lilian, the sweet little librarian, who katsuki started to grow quite fond of, was nowhere to be found. Instead, in her place stood you. You didn’t notice him at first, your attention being alarmingly captivated by the frog plushie dressed as a librarian that sat perched on the reception desk. Katsuki huffed a breath, his mood exacerbating even more as he shuffled his way to the desk, a deep scowl forming on his hard features.

His presence startled you, him making himself known by dropping two poetry books onto the wooden desk, the thud resounding through the library. You jumped with a squeak, eyes finally gazing upwards in both surprise and slight irritation.

“O-oh! Gosh, you scared me sorry...Uh hi.. what can I-“

“Where’s Lilian.” The blond huffed, his voice rough and on edge, completely cutting you off like a hot knife through butter. A bewildered look flashed across your face for a split second, the slight furrow in your brows not going unnoticed by the blond.

“..um..vacation..her son just had a baby..” you mumbled, grabbing the books he tossed onto the desk. Katsuki clicked his tongue the ‘tsk’ sound vibrating in your skull rapidly as anger slowly began to fester in your gut from the stranger's attitude.

“She’ll be back in a month or two. For now, I’m the temporary bookkeeper, y/n.” You said matter of factly, watching as the blond finally turned to fully look at you. Your eyes met in a heated stare, the tension running thick through the area. Katsuki snarled, nostrils flaring slightly before he turned his back and walked away.

“Fucking asshole..” you mumbled to yourself, the weird and sudden interaction making a dull ache spark behind your eyes as you watched the back of the rude blond descend the aisle of books.

Katsuki Bakugo really, really fucking hates change. That sentiment was driven even further home as he glared at the table in front of him. He usually sat in the back of the library, the table he sat at was a little hard to find, cloistered behind two rows of shelves sitting snuggled deep in the corner. From here no one usually bothered him, he’d have a few students that would venture to the back, jumping slightly at his presence; them normally scurrying off at katsukis obvious disdain for their company. Lilian came back there sometimes as well, katsuki assumed it was to check to see if he was dead or not, a relived little smile gracing her aging face to see him still breathing, as she’d set down sweetly a cup of coffee or a nicknack or two, a smile and gruff thanks being given in gratitude.

There were well over 100 books piled onto the table and chairs katsuki mentally marked as his territory. Multi-colored sticky notes, tape, pens, and pencils were scattered about the table, him watching with a twitch as a lead pencil rolled from the desk, dropping to the carpeted floor with a small ‘clack’. He stared at the pencil unmoving, clenching and unclenching his fist. He no longer decided to ponder over why his table was currently a mess, instead choosing to let his anger consume him as he quickly turned on his heels, heading straight to the front.

You heard his heavy footsteps from a mile away, angry thuds hurdling quickly towards the desk. You looked up, being met with the intense heat of the blond staring you down, it almost made you back up in defense.

“Could you please go pick your shit up from my table?” Katsuki snarled, his pearly whites on display as he glowered down at you. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, mouth slightly open as a scoff left your mouth.

“Excuse me?” You asked bewildered, as you watched the blond's face twist in disdain even more. He took a step closer to the desk, his shadow cloaking you in shivering darkness, as you swallowed shallowly his presence making your mouth run dry.

“I said get your fucking books and pens and shit off my table you shitty fucking replacement.” His voice was cold, low, and brewing with rage. He had the decency to keep his voice to a hushed harsh whisper, the sound causing chills to run down your spine. You studied the blond for a minute, taking in his appearance. You know for sure you’ve seen him around before. Campus you’re pretty sure. Based on his overall build alone you came to the conclusion he was a hero-in-training, his clothing doing a horrible job of hiding how brawny the scruffy blond really was. He was wearing a dark forest green sweatshirt, the color contrasting with his eyes well. The khaki pants he decided to wear complimented the sweatshirt well, though you could tell he didn’t iron them. On his feet were a pair of green shoes a little off-kilter of the green in his sweatshirt but, it still sufficed. you couldn’t tell the brand, but you could tell they have been thoroughly worn. A creme-colored tote bag was hung across his body, with further inspection you could tell just like his shoes, that the bag had some semblance of wistfulness to the man.

He did a great job over covering up his exhaustion that much you could tell. Your eyes finally examined his face. He was awfully attractive, with hard-cut features, searing eyes, and soft-looking hair; if he weren’t so much of a dick you probably would’ve crumbled under the intensity of his gaze. The longer you stared the more you began to notice. His lips, albeit soft-looking, were dry and slightly chapped, his bottom lip looked like it had been gnawed on for quite some time, the flesh there looking a little raw and bloody. His eyes, pretty saffron; looked dull, sunken in almost. His bags were dark and heavy, his eyes puffy with the obvious lack of sleep. His skin looked pale, not sickly; but pale perhaps due to the dreary winter weather. You could spot no blemishes on his face only a scar running from the right side base of his jaw to the middle of his right cheek. His hair looked a bit oily it had probably been a while since the last time he washed it. It had the slightest curl in it, a strand curling prettily in front of his eye.

His relatively put-together appearance was immediately foiled by the tired, and almost slightly desperate look on his face.

“Are you just gonna fuckin’ stare at me or go get your shit?” Katsuki sneered, his barely-there patience already running thin at your inquisitive gaze. You looked like you had snapped out of your trance from his voice, a ‘tch’ leaving the blond's lips.

“I’m guessing you’re referring to the clearly occupied table in the back.” You quipped back, eyebrow raised as the male huffed a breath.

“Of course, I’m talking about about the fuckin’ table in the back. Do you see any other tables out here with your stupid office shit on it?” Katsuki rumbled, his brash words seeming to have little to no effect, as you kept your face neutral to his tirade.

“No actually-” You began, deciding not to humor his snippy rhetorical question, arms crossing over your sweater-covered chest in defiance.

“I’m in the middle of doing book inventory. You’re more than welcomed to sit anywhere else though.” A triumphant grin spreads across your face at the blonds deepening scowl. An incredulous puff of air left his lips as he stared at you for a moment longer, before turning on his heels, disappearing behind a few shelves.

Katsuki was pissed. His mood shifted gear to irritation and anger rather than somber as he sat on the dark carpet floor, close to his old table, a longing look on his face before he stubbornly leaned back against the bookshelf, snatching up the book he picked up and began reading. It had been about two and a half hours since the last time you saw the hot-headed blond. You began to wonder if he left while you had your back turned, upset with the fact you took his table. Your thoughts were immediately halted as you made your way back to the table. He was sitting a few feet from the table you had occupied, on the floor. His large frame looked bunched between the narrow walkway between the shelves. His legs were sprawled out a slight bend in his knees due to the finite amount of room he had. His back was pressed up against the bookshelf behind him, his head leaning slightly back as the book he was reading rested in his hands, eyes dancing across the page.

He looked peaceful, there were no scowls or creases on his face; the semblance of a pout caressing his bubblegum pink lips. He looked pretty like this, almost like a character straight from a novel.

“You have a starin’ problem.” The blond mumbled, his sudden voice making you jump in surprise. His eyes glanced up at you momentarily before returning back to the book.

“Sorry…I didn’t realize you were back here…” you said carefully, trying to gauge his mood in order not to piss him off. He let out a sound of an acknowledgment as you slowly made your way towards him. He didn’t even bother to look up as he moved his legs, allowing you to get to the table still piled high with books. You mumbled out a feeble thanks, a grunt being responded as you began to go through the stockpile of books. The air was quiet, the hum of the heater and sounds of pages flipping filling the area. It was a calm air, unlike the hostility from earlier.

“Sorry about earlier,” Katsuki grumbled, keeping his eyes downcast on the page, not daring to look up. His voice caught

You off guard again, body immediately turning in the wooden chair, a loud creak sounding throughout the space at your sudden movements.

“Huh?” You answered back dumbly—an irritated look flashing across the blond's face as he glanced at you, taking in your appearance. You looked to be around the same age as him, hair up and messy, a pair of glasses perched on your nose as gazed at him with a dumbstruck expression.

“You deaf or somethin’? I said m’sorry about earlier-“ his eyes flickering away from your momentarily.

“…was in a bad mood..took it out on you” Katsuki finalized, Turing his attention back to his book as he saw you straighten up your posture from his peripheral.

“S’alright…I uh...I could tell..” you trailed off, fiddling with your lanyard as you peeled at the blond through your lashes. He grunted again in acknowledgment, seemingly ending the conversation there. You stared at him for a while, curiosity clouding your mind as you watched him.

“So uh...I take it you come here often?” You asked, awkwardness seeping through your voice as you scanned another book, placing it where it belongs. It took him a while to answer, you thought he maybe didn’t hear you as you went to open your mouth again.

“Somethin' like that,” Katsuki said shortly, no longer paying attention to the book, but keeping his eyes roaming around the page. A soft hum left your mouth as you slightly turned, facing the man.

“Whatcha readin’?” You asked mindlessly, a strange comfort casting over you at his presence alone. A dark blush radiated the tips of Katsukis ears as he cleared his throat.

“Uh..the sorcerers stone..” he mumbled. An amused smile graced your face as you giggled.

“Harry Potter?” You snorted as you watched the blond's face turn into a deep scowl.

“Fuck is so funny about that?” He growled, his cheeks dusting a hue of pink out of embarrassment.

“Nothing nothing…it’s just…You don’t strike me as a Harry Potter kind of guy.” You hummed continuing to put the books away. Katsuki stayed quiet, his mood neutral as he carefully got up, cautiously making sure he didn’t accidentally kick the books as he dusted himself off. You turned at his sudden movement, watching as he gathered his things along with the book.

“You gonna keep fucking starin’ or come and check out my book?” Katsuki snapped, you rolling your eyes a bit at his attitude as you mumbled a small ‘right’, watching as he made his way to the reception desk. He didn’t stick around after you checked him out, barely responding to the farewell you administered before hastily making his way out into the cold. You watched after him, leaning across the oak desk to see him stop in the middle of the parking lot. He was looking up towards the sky, blond locks whipping in the nippy air slightly. He seemed to be thinking, a faraway look on his face as he huffed out a breath, the air being visible due to the cold, before walking off disappearing into the darkening night. You stared at the spot he stood at for a bit longer, mind replaying the events of today as you tore your gaze away from outside, beginning the process of locking up the library.

As you were locking up you made a mental note to re-read the Harry Potter series.

————————————

Katsuki was a creature of habit. He didn’t necessarily have a schedule so to say, more so a vague picture of what he does on a day-to-day basis that revolved around the things he enjoys and necessities.

Lately, though, it seems as though he never even bothered to attempt to try and regulate his life like how it was before. The days seemed to be shortened and the nights seemed to drag on in sheaths of rolling darkness… or maybe it was just daylight savings—He hadn’t been keeping track of the days and time lately.

Katsuki didn’t want to go to class today, thankfully it was only two classes, both fairly bearable and easy. He really couldn’t afford to miss another day, his emails being bombarded by his advisors ‘bitchin' about some shit’ as he’d put it.

He believes it said something about 2 more unexcused absences and he’d be kicked out of the hero course, or something like that; he always just threw those emails in his junk folder anyway.

Today was cold, colder than it had been last week when he visited the library, it didn’t help with his mood, sluggish and a little disoriented from the mere 2-hour sleep he got that morning.

The ride to campus was as mundane as it could get, an elderly couple holding hands chatting quietly amongst each other, smiles gracing their faces. There was a mother, clearly exhausted, but nonetheless smiling and engaged as she listened carefully to her son explain some over-the-top extravagant story.

Katsuki smiled softly, painfully. He always found kids amusing, so blissfully unaware of the sins of the world. It was about 20 minutes to his campus bus stop, Katsuki deciding to take the tranquil peace of the bus as his chance to finally get a well-needed rest.

20 minutes wasn’t nearly enough time for katsuki to sleep, it felt as though he blinked and was suddenly thrust back into the reality of the real world. It took him a minute to orient himself again, giving the bus driver a tight-lipped smile as he paid his fare and stepped into the nippy winter air.

There was a familiar tune playing throughout his campus, wracking his brain for the name of the tune, mindlessly strolling to his class. There were stringy lights hung everywhere, green and red orbs of ordainments decorating the trimmed trees surrounding his school. Then, it dawned on him.

‘Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..’

“Fuck..” Katsuki murmured, the Christmas song ringing in his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe he lost track of time to this extent. It was December 1st, the dragged-out year he had, began to come to a close more quickly than he had originally anticipated. He knew his mother was probably ringing his phone off the hook, trying to reach out.

It’d been a while since he last talked to her…he missed her..a lot. He hurried to his first class of the morning, anthropology. He doesn’t know why he decided to take this class, if he remembers correctly, he’s pretty sure he let Mina handle his scheduling for this semester gruffing out a ‘knock yourself out pinkie’.

It took approximately 10 minutes and 54 seconds to reach his anthropology class, mumbling complaints to himself as he sniffed harshly, cheeks and nose a cherry red from the sharp winter air. Katsuki heard Kirishima before he saw him.

“Kacchan! Dude where have you been?” Kirishima asked hurriedly, watching as Katsuki grumbled and cursed under his breath as he struggled to take off his coat.

“Home. Library.” Katsuki mumbled, finally getting the garment off as he sat down in his seat, a satisfied sigh leaving his lips as the warmth of the room began to envelop him.

“Next time text us or something! We were worried we haven’t seen you in like a week and a half!” Another voice chimed from directly behind him, as he glanced up, coming face to face with bright yellow pupils. Katsuki let out a hum of acknowledgment as Mina handed him a cup of coffee an appreciative hum given in return.

“Sorry..just been busy,” Katsuki said, as both Mina and Kirishima shared a collective look, noticing the fiery blond's current docile and introspective disposition.

“Bk…if...if you’re going through something—“

“I’m fine.” Katsuki cut off, putting on his best smirk as he sipped the hot beverage at hand.

“Don’t go all fuckin’ mushy gushy on me dumbass” he countered, hoping they couldn’t see right through him. Kirishima chuckled, throwing an arm around the blond as Mina rested her head atop katsukis beanie covered head as the two laughed. A wobbly smile sat on Katsukis face, it was an eerie smile, unsettling you could say. A blank owlish look masked by a faux grin. As Katsuki sat in silence, letting the warmth of his friends, and their laughter flutter past him he came to realize two things:

Katsuki Bakugo was alone and scared.

______________

It had been almost two and a half weeks since you last saw the blond-haired male with a pretty face and fiery attitude. You hate to admit that you were a little dejected not being able to see him. Despite his temperament and god-awful vocabulary, he was interesting.

You couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was, but he intrigued you nonetheless. The chime of the door opening broke you from your thoughts, you didn’t bother looking up, as you automatically and almost robotically called out a greeting.

“Welcome, if you need any assistance just let me know.”

“Got your fuckin’ junk on my table again? Or can I go back to my rightful place?”

Your head snapped up embarrassingly fast, taking in the sight of the blond male who’s been on your mind for days now.

“Hi..” you breathed out softly, eyes taking him in. Today he was in all black. Black sweatpants, black sweatshirt, and a black beanie covering tuffs of blond that peeked from underneath. His cheeks and nose were dusted a raging pink from the harsh winds, despite the winter glow he still looked exhausted, maybe even more so than last time.

“Do you sleep?” You blurted out before you could even think, a hand coming up to cover your mouth as you stared at him wide-eyed. His expression never changed; giving you the same blank look as before.

“What’s it look like?” He asked rhetorically, an eyebrow raised in question as you cleared your throat. There was a brief silence as you took the Harry Potter book from his large hands.

“So-“ you began awkwardly, glancing up as the blond awaited your next statement.

“How was the book?” You asked, coughing awkwardly at his stoic face.

“You’re shit at small talk.” Katsuki deadpanned, as he watched your face morph into embarrassment as you mumbled out a small sorry continuing to check his book in.

He watched you silently, eyes observing you catching little things he hadn’t noticed the first time. You were wearing an ugly Christmas sweater, assuming you were already in the Christmas spirit. Your nails were painted, the tips a bright jolly red; which Katsuki actually took a great liking to. Today, your hair was down a stupid Santa hat clip pushing back the shorter pieces. Katsuki thought you looked tacky, like a kindergarten teacher. He watched as your earrings, which were in the shapes of little snowflakes jingled with every movement.

“You look like a hallmark catalog…tacky as shit” Katsuki murmured, a slight quirk to his lips as he watched your face morph into horror.

“Well, I’m sorry I’m just in the Christmas spirit!” You piped back, voice defensive and high pinched as you flared at the blond. Katsuki gave you an amused scoff, letting his eyes roam around the library. It looked like you had just began to decorate it, flashy tinsel being hung from the shelves and tables. The normal library-themed plushies, replaced by little elves and Santa plushies. He could hear the distant hum of a Christmas playlist playing throughout the library reminding him of his campus.

He glanced behind you, gazing at the messy storage boxes of Christmas decorations and a box that seemed to hold an artificial Christmas tree. Katsuki shook his head, your temperament reminding him of a toddler, as he turned around wordlessly, wandering off into the library.

You let out an abated breath as you peered down at the sweater you were wearing, a frown etching upon your lips.

“Do I really look tacky..?”

_____________

It was about 3 hours when you saw the ashen blond next, toting his bag and two books, one being the next installment of the Harry Potter series, the other being a poetry book.

“…The teeth of the world are sharp….huh? Kinda dark don’t ya think?” You commented jokingly, handing him the book only to be met with silence. You looked up, his expression throwing you off course as you looked into his solemn eyes.

“S’ a beautiful book…” he trailed off, as he grabbed his things leaving without so much as a word. If you didn’t know any better, you could’ve sworn you saw him walk out with the remnants of tears stains adorning his flushed cheeks. After that he came back the next day, same unreadable expression adorning his face as he waltzed in with the poetry book in one hand, his tote bag nestled under his arm.

“You’re back early.” You greeted, a small smile on your face as you watched the blond watch you, eyes scanning over your appearance before handing you the poetry book.

“Yeah. Finished it last night.” He replied as you hummed softly, checking in his book. He was still standing there, analyzing you closely, his burning gaze finally enough to tear you from the book, an eyebrow cocked upward.

“…what?” You asked eyebrow raised.

“No Christmas sweater?” He spoke, eyes peering at you curiously as you bit your lip, clearing your throat.

“Uh..well..” you began as he watched you, expression blank and almost bored.

“You..you said yesterday it was tacky so I uh…I don’t know…you were probably right it was a little over the top..” you mumbled out, embarrassed you care so much about the aloof blonds opinion. Katsuki watched you momentarily as he kissed his teeth.

“Yeah, it was tacky.” He spoke, watching as your face dropped even more.

“But…it was cute.” He grumbled before walking off, hoping to the gods above you didn’t see the burning blush dusting his cheeks.

You began to see the ashen blond more frequently from then. Him coming in every day, giving you a small greeting before descending back into his little corner. You couldn’t help but smile, cheeks warming every time you saw him, heart beating just a bit faster at the first of a phantom smile he’d give you every now and then.

At a point, you even began to bring him lunch or snack if you had the extra change to spare, which the blond would happily accept, with a grunt as the two of you would eat in comfortable silence. It was the week before Christmas, the library being reasonably empty due to Christmas break, that had actually started on the 6th day of the month.

You were surprised to still see the blond poetry lover still visiting the library despite the holidays. It had been a little over a month since the first interaction with red-eyed mystery, as you began to see yourself crave his presence. Your friends thought you were ridiculous, crushing on a guy you didn’t even know the name of.

You hurried back into the library, teeth chattering as you hugged yourself carefully, the bags in your hands making an ample amount of noise through the deserted library. You shuffled to the back, a smile gracing your face as you spotted tuffs of unruly blond hair.

“Sorry It took so long, there was a line.” You mumbled, shivering in your coat as you sat down in front of the blond. A tiny smile graced his face as he looked at you, tired eyes shining with thanks.

“S’fine..” he mumbled as you smiled.

“So I didn’t know what to get you at first, but I remembered you had said something before about liking Chinese food so I got us some lo mein, fried rice, and generals chicken.” You finished, a giddy smile on your face as Katsuki watched you search through the bag of food. He gazed at you, watching as your mouth moved a mile a minute, an amused grin on his face.

“-But anyways do you want-“

“Bakugo,” Katsuki said simply, watching your face twist in confusion.

“What?” You asked curiously as the blond scoffed a laugh, reaching for the bag of food.

“Bakugo…my names Bakugo..” you stared at the blond with wide eyes, you couldn’t stop the giddy smile that crept on your face even if you tried as you nodded, biting your lip.

“Bakugo…”

_____________

“Why are you still on campus for the holidays? Does your family live around here?” You asked absentmindedly, eyes focused on the cheap chopsticks that were slightly splintered. There was a small silence in the air, causing you to look up curiously at bakugo. He was leaning on his hand, a small frown on his face as he childishly picked at his food.

“Could ask you the same question.” He cut off, his retort rendering you wide-eyed, as katsuki mentally applauded himself for deflecting the uncomfy question.

“Well…money’s tight right now….I live off-campus, I have books I need to pay, extra courses I need to take…I wouldn’t be able to afford to see my family…” you answered, katsuki couldn’t quite place the emotion on your face. If he had to guess he’d say you had a look of content, acceptance almost.

“Why not ask your old folks for cash or somethin’ “ he murmured, stuffing his face with an ample amount of overly greasy lo mein. You shrugged, leaning back onto the small wooden chair you were currently sitting in.

“Doesn’t feel right…they’ve done enough for me already…plus it’s only this time, I should be able to make it back home for spring break though” you said a matter of factly.

“What about here?” Bakugo pushed, raising an arched eyebrow as you mimicked his expression, head tilting in curiosity.

“What about here?” You parroted only for katsuki to click his tongue in annoyance, irritation bubbling in his eyes.

“Ya work here right?” Katsuki replied obviously, as he watched you chuckle a bit, your nose scrunching up as your giggles reverberated throughout the library.

“I’m just a shitty fucking replacement remember?” You giggled, watching as Bakugos face morphed from confusion to a bright cherry red.

“I said I was sorry didn’t I!?” He snapped back a bit louder than intended, the obvious hints of embarrassment lacing through his voice as the tips of his ears burned crimson.

“I’m fucking with you-” you gasped through giggles as bakugo sneered at you, averting his eyes in embarrassment as you began to calm down your laughing fit. There was another brief silence that encased the room, comfortable and warm.

“….you should stay..” katsuki murmured through the silence, his eyes briefly cutting up to you before averting his gaze quickly as you turned to him a little stunned.

“Finally warming up to me huh?” You teased as the blond finally looked at you. No sneer or glare present in his face, only the aloof emotionless expression you’ve gotten used to and the smallest semblance of a grin.

“Yeah…something like that.”

____________________________

“Let’s take a walk.” Was the first thing Bakugo had said to you the very next day. At first, you laughed, not taking his outlandish request seriously, only for the blond to sneer at you, asking the question once again with an array of colorful words.

“Bakugo I’m in the middle of working..” you replied slowly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“You dumbass who else is in here besides me and you? You’re like a fucking hermit crab in this damn dusty place” katsuki replied, watching you as you weighed your options. You finally looked at the blond, a sigh falling from your lips as you rolled your eyes, grabbing your coat.

“Fine; but if something goes down while I’m gone I’m blaming you.” You warned eyes narrowed on the blond as he rolled his eyes waving you off.

“Whatever. Hurry the hell up before I change my mind.” He snipped, hastily walking back out into the snowy terrain. You followed closely beside the blond, hands dug deep in the pockets of your coat teeth clattering due to the chill.

“Can't believe I'm out here in below-freezing weather..” you whined as katsuki looked at you. Katsuki had grown to accept his attraction to you a couple of weeks ago. You were pretty; no…that wasn’t it. You were gorgeous, beautiful warm; the embodiment of everything he wasn’t. He couldn’t quite figure you out; curious as to how you were able to handle him, like a flame to wicker. You were all smiles, pretty lashes, soft lips, horrendous boasts of laughter; it made him feel warm and gooey; like honey stuck to the bottom of a teacup. He hated it. He hated how, in such a short amount of time you managed to wiggle your way into his life, sticking to him like a stubborn stain.

“You wanna celebrate Christmas with me?” You asked curiously, eyes staring at nothing in particular as you continued your pace. Katsuki raised an eyebrow, silence taking over as you finally looked up.

“-if you’re staying on campus I mean…I…I really don’t want to be alone this year” you chuckled nervously, scratching your cheek as you tried to bury yourself deeper into your coat.

“I could be a serial killer,” Katsuki replied, staring at you intently before you smiled, bright and amused.

“I would guess that if you were a serial killer, you would’ve already killed me considering how easily I seem to annoy you.” You smiled as katsuki scoffed shaking his head.

“What’s in it for me?”

“You speak as though celebrating Christmas is a chore.” You hummed.

“I’m not getting you anything,” Katsuki said simply as you shrugged, unbothered by the blond's apprehension.

“S’okay…I’m not asking you to” you chuckled as Bakugo rolled his eyes shaking his head, mumbling something incoherent under his breath. A comfortable silence elapsed the two, until katsuki finally spoke up, the gnawing question he had festering in the back of his throat.

“Why?” He whispered, the word being lost among the snowfall as you looked at him momentarily.

“Why what?” You hummed, as you watched Bakugos face turn a deep red.

“Why do you wanna celebrate Christmas with me?” He answered rather quickly, as you averted your gaze, pondering the question momentarily before smiling softly.

“I like you Bakugo.”

#poki.poki #r0m1.writes #melodys.music #r0m1s.writing #bakugou katsuki #bakugo smut #bakugou fluff #bakugo x reader #katsuki smut #katsuki bakugo x reader #mha fluff #bakugou smut #katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader

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neurodiversebones · 3 years

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autistic brennan !!!

in my autistic opinion... here you go. a SLIGHTLY more organized version of what i have dropped in the DMs of anyone who is willing to listen, copy and pasted from a google doc i have so eloquently named "bones is fucking autistic" !!

this headcanon is like. 95% confirmed, which kind of makes my heart do a little "!!!" <3 idk brennan means a Lot to me and always did as a young autistic afab person :-) so here you go !! (under the cut)

okay SO here is my explanation for my headcanon, explained in bullet points- this took up multiple google docs pages so i hope you're ready

emotional display:

has absolutely zero poker face- we see this frequently. there are too many instances to count where she cannot hide her facial expressions !! it is also referenced by booth in late season 8, and i think a few other characters have mentioned it throughout the series?

this is especially in the earlier seasons, but her response to stress and trauma is Very Neurodivergent. she rarely has an outward response- it's so rare to see her cry before season 7/8 ?? this could also definitely be a trauma thing but like,,, trauma symptoms and autistic traits are unfortunately hard to differentiate between because autistic people tend to go through more traumatic situations

not exactly emotional display, but similar- she clearly has alexithymia, or something of the sort (basically, she struggles to recognize her own emotions). this is exhibited a few times- the one i can remember right now is "i don't understand what i'm feeling" "you understand happy, right?" (conversation with angela, season 9). this is actually something i have rarely seen in a character- at least not done well. it makes me very happy !!!

empathy:

she struggles to understand why others would think differently than her- her view of the world is Correct in her eyes, and she finds it difficult to look from someone else's point of view. this frequently ends in her criticizing those around her- her view of the world is incredibly black and white, so when others disagree with her, she believes they must be wrong.

extension of the black and white thinking- she doesn't understand concepts, no matter how hard she tries. she needs evidence and proof. examples of this would be her views on god/religion, love (pre-season 6), and marriage (pre-season 8)

despite her lack of empathy toward people, she exhibits a lot of empathy toward animals. this is actually a really common autistic trait?? examples of this would be her emotional attachment to the dogs in 4x04, or her explosive reaction to finding out the tiger was killed in 8x04

social/conversational skills:

this is probably her most obvious and easily recognizable autistic trait- it's what made me go "she's autistic" after watching a few episodes

she does not understand jokes or sarcasm very well- she frequently gets confused by jokes, explaining why they aren't funny or don't make sense, especially pop culture jokes. when she does understand jokes or pop culture references, she gets very excited and explains them out loud, even though everyone around her already understands (just adding- i love this so much ?? her explaining jokes is Very Cute. i'm sorry i'm a simple gay who can't go ten minutes without declaring my love for her)

struggles with small talk and social niceties- this is used as a joke in nearly every episode. she doesn't do small talk well- preferring to talk about topics that are actually important or interest her. she doesn't see the need for most social conventions either, which leads to her frequently being seen as rude.

she misses social cues in conversations- she frequently brings up topics that are probably not Appropriate for the setting (talking about dead bodies in a restaurant, talking about sex while standing over a dead body, etc.)

she is incredibly literal, and doesn't understand metaphorical speak. this goes hand in hand with the not understanding jokes- she takes many phrases at face value, sometimes confusing others

tone:

she frequently comes off as cold or blunt without meaning to be- many people read her as "heartless" or just uninterested because of the way she speaks, even when she is very invested.

i don't know how to explain this other than her speaking pattern is Very Autistic- the way she pauses mid sentence all the time, the facial expressions she makes while speaking, it's all autism babey !!!

intense focus on one topic:

okay it's very obvious that her special interests are forensics and anthropology

she gets hyperfocused, often losing herself in her work and putting herself through the ringer for it. she puts her work above (almost) everything, and has stated on multiple occasions that she would be nothing without her work.

she often explains the things around her with references to anthropology and ancient civilizations- she uses these references to explain her feelings, the situations she's in, and frequently, to solve crimes. things make sense to her when she thinks about them like this.

not engaging with peers in an "expected" way:

she is often showed to have difficulty getting close with people- she doesn't like showing emotion to others, and would rather just talk about the task at hand. this could very well be explained by her trauma background- but i believe it's probably a bit of both.

she finds it difficult to bond with her peers over common things, like pop culture, and rather talks about work or other things. she doesn't open up to a lot of people, even those who she is incredibly close with.

other/misc.:

stimming !! this doesn't have enough instances to get its own section, but i like to interpret that wonder woman scene as vestibular stimming, purely because i love to spin and jump !!!!

detail oriented, to the point of obsession. it's common for autistic people to get caught up in the details of things, which she definitely does.

views on sexuality differ from the "norm"- she is very critical of monogamy during the first half of the series, and does not see the point in marriage. also she's definitely arospec, just putting that out there <3

i am autistic and i love her therefore i'm right

final notes:

i think she's one of my favourite autistic characters to exist- i usually despise the socially awkward detective trope, but it's handled well here. the people around her don't expect her to change the innate aspects of who she is- rather, they love her unconditionally (even if they are exasperated at times- which is natural to feel with people that you love)

i very much like that they didn't go with the socially awkward + smart = unattractive trope either- she knows that she's hot, and so do the people around her. i'm so sick of nerdy girls not being allowed to be hot 😭 especially when it comes to autistic-coded characters- let autistic people have sex lives 2k21

she just,,, holds a very special place in my heart. as an undiagnosed autistic afab kid, she meant a lot to me. i saw a woman on screen who was smart like me and sometimes confused people because of her intelligence, who didn't really get social situations, who didn't know how to express how she felt. she was like me- and she loved herself, and people loved her. she's a very important character to me and has been since i was really young <3

thank you SO MUCH to anybody who read this- brennan is the loml and i will infodump about her until the end of time

#bones tv #bones on fox #temperance brennan #bonestv #brennan #emily deschanel #autistic headcanon #autistic pride #actuallyautistic #autistic brennan #autistic bones #autistic characters #autism #autistic #neurodivergent #my headcanons

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sellyoursoulforagoodfic · 3 years

Text

Monstrous Secrets Chapter 8

Eris Vanserra x reader

Word Count: 1720

Summary: You and a couple of the guys have a heart-to-heart

You were home, or rather, you were in the physical place where you lived. It was difficult to call Velaris ‘home’ when your home was really a person, your mate. It was even harder to call this place home since Azriel started looking at you like he wanted to spit on you at any given moment. You’d expected to be treated that way once everything came to light, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t loathe it with every fiber of your being.

It was in a fit of this general discontent that you found yourself sitting on the ground of the balcony outside the House of Wind’s library. A bottle of wine, half empty already based on the weight of it, dangled from your fingertips as you stared blankly into the fire and longed for the male that could make such flames dance like sprites. Eris’s notes from your time apart rested on the ground before you, some resting against or on your leg because you’d simply dropped them after reading.

“Cass told me I’d find you here,” Rhys said as his feet entered your field of view. “Though I’ll admit I thought he was exaggerating how much you’d been drinking.”

Your eyes darted over to the other two, empty bottles you’d abandoned back when you’d been sitting in a chair. “Yes, well, you know how my tolerance is.”

“Considering how many men you’ve drunk under the table? Yes, I’m fully aware.” Now, he brought himself low enough that he could meet your eye on your own level. The most powerful High Lord, kneeling beside his low fae cousin on the ground.

You snorted at the sheer ridiculousness. “Whatcha doing here, Rhys? I figured you’d be off with Feyre.”

“She had things to discuss with Amren or else she’d be here talking to you with me.”

You took another drink. “Well in that case, lay it on me.” Your arms spread wide dramatically, one hand holding the bottle, the other a letter; your wings flared slightly behind you in an effort to keep you balanced. “Ask me anything you want! I assume it’s about that gorgeous mate of mine.”

He rolled his eyes and took the bottle from you. “I won’t insult you bya skiing what Azriel wants me to.” Rhysand took a long drink.

“Oooooh, let me guess!” You did your best to make your face as stoic as the shadowsinger’s. “Have I been selling secrets to the Autumn Court?”

“Close,” he snickered. “Has she been giving away secrets to the Autumn Court?”

You scoffed. “As if I’d give them away for free!”

“Sweetheart, you’d never spill them either way.” His eyes were somber, caring. “You would never betray us like that, so I have no need to ask.”

“Then what do you need to ask?”

“First, I want to ask about your bargain.”

“You makin’ sure I didn’t give away anything important?”

“I want to know that it was your choice to make whatever deal it was.”

Your brain stalled out in light of his genuine concern after so many days of people being wary of you, and your buzz fizzled a little because of it. “It was a deal of protection,” you explained seriously. “He’ll watch my back as long as I watch his sort of thing.” You stole back the bottle to take another drink. “And what a fucking job I did.”

“You couldn’t have done anything against her,” he assured you, “and if you had tried, more likely than not, you’d both be dead right now.”

“Whatever, Rhys,” you scoffed. “What else?”

“You are not less than him because you’re Illyrian.” You’d known the topic was coming, but you didn’t expect him to be quite so blunt. “And if he treats you like you are, I’ll kill him myself.”

“Then you can stop worrying, because he doesn’t. Hasn’t even said anything to imply it--get that look off your face right now. Anything he said to you was an act because we were backed into a nightmare of a corner, and you know it. Anyway, he hasn't made any jabs implying it--accidentally or otherwise--since we first got together.”

“Put a stop to that, did you?” He was smirking as he swiped the bottle back to drink once again.

“Of course.” You hesitated. “But he and I are both aware of what others will think; just look at your parents. That’s why, or at least part of why, we kept quiet about the whole thing.”

Rhysand was nodding as if pleased.

“That all you’ve got, cousin?”

A little snort escaped his nose. “As far as being concerned goes, we’ll say yes for now.”

“And as far as everything else?”

“Since you’ve so cruelly left your poor cousin in the dark about your relationship for--how long was it again?”

“‘Bout five hundred years--”

“Five hundred years! Because you've left me in the dark for so long, I want to know everything about the two of you.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.” He waved a hand a little. “That you’re willing to share, of course.”

“Rhys . . . I don’t . . .” You weren’t used to this. You’d never had to share anything about your relationship before. You weren’t good at talking about yourself. “I don’t know where to start.”

A low hum rumbled through the air along with the telling thuds of someone else’s boots.

“Why don’t you start with that letter you’re holding?” Cassian abruptly dropped down next to you, so close he was lightly pressed against your side. It was such a casual closeness that the pair of you had had for centuries, and you didn't realize how much you loved it until it was missing. Its presence now brought tears to your eyes, but none fell.

Blinking them back, you stammered, “Um. It’s how we talked . . . when we couldn’t see each other.” A self-deprecating chuckle ripped its way up from your throat. “Apparently he’d been sending them since just after Amarantha, and I never knew since I don’t live down there anymore. I’m only just now getting around to reading them.” Carelessly, you handed it over to Cassian. “You can read it if you want; I was going through them all, but I can’t exactly see straight enough to read anymore.”

He eyed you warily before opening it gently. Clearing his throat before he read,

“I hope you are doing well, and I hope moreso that you have not finally come to your senses and decided to leave me. I’ve been trying to keep my emotions from bothering you in case you have, but Father has proven to be harsher than ever before in light of everything that has happened over the last half-century. It’s all I can do to keep him from deciding to hunt down Lucien.

Cauldron, I don’t even know if you’re receiving these messages or if you even care and yet here I am droning on about my own problems. I’ll leave this here, then.

I miss you, and I love you always,

Eris”

Both men were silent for a breath.

“Who would have thought that Eris Vanserra of all people would be so rambling in a letter?” Cassian eventually teased--only slightly awkwardly--to break the quiet.

“He stopped trying to be eloquent in our notes about five years in.” Your buzz was definitely on the way out now, and you found yourself listlessly leaning against Cassian. Neither male commented about the more romantic sentiments in the letter. You wondered why that was. For your privacy or their own comfort so they didn’t have to think about the fact that Eris did in fact have feelings.

“What’s the first thing you think of when you think about him?” Rhysand prompted quietly, obviously wanting to know more about the relationship despite the awkward aura that’d descended upon the little group.

It may have been because you were actively looking at a fire, but you didn’t really have to think about the words that came tumbling out of your mouth. “Did you know that he can make shapes out of flames? He used to make little dogs and foxes to play with Lucien when Beron would upset him.”

“I thought he hated that kid,” Cassian mused.

“He had to keep his distance to keep Beron’s attention away from him; he swore to his mother that he’d protect him.”

“What else comes to mind?”

You swallowed thickly. “He interrogated me about how to care for my wings when I showed up injured once.”

Rhys’s violet eyes flashed. “Injured?”

“Took a bad crash through some trees on the way to see him; I think I was dodging some scouts. Either way, he hounded me about it until I taught him all I could.”

“Seriously?” Cassian again.

“Yeah.” You could feel the dopey smile spread across your face, but you didn’t want to stop it. “Cleaning, first-aid, the whole deal. And the best part? He never has cold hands.”

“Unlike you, huh?” Rhys teased. “Nothing but cold hands.”

“Truer words never spoken,” and unexpected but familiar voice said from behind you.

As soon as you laid eyes on him, you were stumbling to your feet.

There was a warmth in his eyes that had nothing to do with flames when he caught you and pulled you close.

Immediately, you buried your face in his neck. “How?” you whispered into the pale skin there.

Eris’s hand moved to rest atop your wing where it was tucked against your back, sending a delightful shiver down your spine. “That would be a question for your High Lady.”

You glanced over your shoulder and saw that, sure enough, Feyre was now holding hands with the now-standing Rhys. “I thought you were with Amren?”

“I lied,” Rhys shrugged. “Eris was down there plotting with Keir, so I asked her to go grab him for you since you’ve been feeling down.”

When tears started welling up in your eyes, you blamed the alcohol. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, little cousin. Now, I think it’s time for us to turn in.” His eyes shifted to look at your mate; surprisingly his gaze wasn’t near as icy as you would have expected. “Take care of her.”

“Until my dying breath.”

“Never a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ with you people,” Cassian scoffed, “is there?”

You smirked on behalf of your husband. “Never.”

#eris vanserra x reader #eris vanserra imagine #eris imagine #eris x reader #acotar imagine #a court of thorns and roses imagine #reader insert

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sk-lumen · 3 years

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Hi S.K Lumen. I love your blog! I wanted to ask, how can I carry myself better and be more ladylike? I feel like in public I look a child and I don’t carry myself with much confidence..

Hi darling,

That’s a very good question. If you want to emulate more feminine energy, confidence and elegance, here are a few tips to get started. 💗

1. For ladies that are right at the beginning of their journey and not sure what "feminine, confident and elegant" looks like, the very first step is to study powerful women that inspire you. We learn best by example!

Watch their posture, their walk, their mannerisms. What does their body language look like? How do they speak, what is their tone of voice? How do they dress, what colors do they wear?

Think femme fatales like Marilyn Monroe, Heddy Lamarr, Rita Hayworth. Think modern day accomplished, successful women like Meghan Markle, Dita von Teese, Beyonce, Oprah. You can take it up a notch and watch videos on Youtube that are dedicated to studying such ladies and what makes them so successful, charming and feminine.

2. Fake it til you make it. This is an old, popular tip but it’s popular because it’s true. The more you act, talk, dress and move AS IF, the more you actually will be AS IF. You are essentially teaching your mind new ways to be, you’re rewiring your brain to think in new ways, in positive ways that will benefit you greatly.

For instance, if overnight, you always mind your posture to be pristine straight, your chin up, shoulders back; if you add a little swing to your hips; if you practice your voice, speech and tone to be more clear, measured (don’t rush your words, it unconsciously impresses on others that what you have to say is not important) and eloquent; if you mind the clothing you wear and your overall grooming so that the impression you give is one of being put-together, classy, feminine - then all these things add up, day by day.

The way others interact with us, whether we like this or not, changes based on their impression of us, how we take care of our physical appearance, how we speak, how we carry ourselves. When they see that you walk confidently, you take care of your appearance, health, your body, your hair and skin; when they hear you speak with confidence and authority on the topics you’re passionate about, then they see and treat you as someone who is confident and ladylike and everything else.

They don’t treat you the way you may possibly still view yourself (as a work in progress, as "faking it until you make it", etc). None of that is relevant. People take you at face value, to them you simply are confident, successful, feminine and so on so use this to your advantage.

3. Don’t forget that being more feminine is not a complicated, herculean task. We all have feminine and masculine energy within us. You just need to tap into what resonates as feminine to you, and lean into that feminine expression. There is no one formula or brand of femininity!

You can be the girly, flowery pink dresses kind of princess who loves wearing heels and braiding her hair overnight for beautiful waves like that of the ocean. You can be the femme fatale who’s incredibly comfortable in her sensuality and her "wild woman" energy (one of the feminine archetypes), and feels most at home wearing a lot of red colors. Or perhaps you want to be a bossbabe who wears more conservative clothing like turtleneck sweaters, pencil/midi skirts, and seldom shows skin - yet she wears herself with such femininity, with elegance, that her aura of mystery only intrigues others into what feminine charms she is concealing, and sharing only with a privileged few. There are so many flavours to divine femininity, and they are all valid! You can even be all of the above, switching from one day to another like a different outfit. It’s still you.

You see, in most cases it’s not about becoming something you’re not, but unbecoming what you aren’t.

For instance, a woman who’s grown up mostly around guys in her childhood, with a lot of brothers and male cousins or classmates, may be a tomboy simply because that was her environment growing up, that’s what was familiar to her. Perhaps she lacked a deeply feminine rolemodel in her life (a mother who was working two jobs and taking care of & worrying about everybody else except herself), and so naturally, she feels awkward expressing her femininity. What’s familiar to her are band t-shirts, being loud and playful with her classmates, being competitive with her cousins at various sports. Furthermore, anything feminine such as pink, pretty things, makeup, etc may have been given a negative, silly connotation by her male peers because they too considered her as "one of the boys" because of the upbringing. Now, all of these things are thought patterns, beliefs and values that she, as a grown woman, now needs to revise and release so that she can lean into her feminine energy. She needs to bridge the gap between that younger self and the one she wants to become.

Here’s another scenario, on the opposite spectrum: a girl grows up with a strong feminine rolemodel. She is comfortable in her femininity, knows her way around all the delights of being a girl/woman. But her peers, family traditions, social conventions or environment, have made her associate femininity with weakness. It’s not even intentional, but unconsciously, it’s there. In this case, it’s about owning her feminine energy as something powerful and valid on its own, without being analyzed through the filter of other men, social expectations, etc. And once she does take ownership of it, and embodies the full, amazing, voluptuous authenticity of her femininity, she is finally freed from that sense of being caged or inprisoned or controlled by a hunger to be, feel and say more. She no longer has to shrink her incredible power as a woman, to show only one facet of the brilliant fullness. She can be all of it, she can be herself.

In conclusion darling, start with baby steps. Decide what kind of woman you want to be, what femininity means to you.

What does it look like for you? Which style, which archetype resonates with you? Then study it and embody it. You are a work of art, and all masterpieces take time! 🎨✨ Take all the time you need, and always honor your true self through it all. There’s no point spending your life trying to become someone else - that’s not the goal. The goal is to learn from others, be inspired by others, so that you can become the best you that you can. Hope this helps. 💕 Much love, -Lumen

#ask #femininity #divine feminine #glow up #classy #elegant #tips

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scarletarosa · 4 years

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Thoth

Egyptian god of knowledge, wisdom, writing, mathematics, science, magic, truth, integrity, time, and the Moon

Thoth (Egyptian: Djehuty) played many roles in Egyptian myths and held many different roles. There are several different versions of the myth of his birth, one being that Thoth was born from the lips of Ra at the beginning of creation, another that he was born from the forehead of Set. However, as Thoth’s popularity grew, another myth arose which claimed him to be the Great Creator. This myth says that Thoth, in the form of an ibis, laid an egg from which the god Ra was born. Yet another myth claims that Thoth had been born by his own will through the power of speech. In all of these variations, the common theme is that Thoth was born asexually.

Depictions of Thoth usually show him as a man with the head of an ibis (a sacred animal of his), though other times he may be shown as a baboon. He is shown holding either a scribe’s palette and a stylus or an ankh and sceptre. The wife of Thoth is Ma’at, the goddess of truth and justice, with whom he fathered Seshat, the goddess of knowledge, wisdom, writing, calculating, and sciences, as well as the Ogdoad deities: Nu, Naunet, Hehu, Hehut, Kekui, Kekuit, Qehr, and Qehret. As the “Voice of Ra” Thoth would sometimes be shown with the “Eye of Ra” symbol and as a god of the Moon, he could at times be seen depicted with the crescent Moon on his head.

Roles: Being one of the most complex and important of the Egyptian gods, Thoth holds many roles and abilities. He is credited with being the one who taught the Egyptians how to write after Seshat (Thoth’s daughter) invented the hieroglyphics. He is also credited with being the inventor of the calendar, and the one who controls space and time. Since he is also a god of the moon, he has celestial functions as well and replaces the sun god, Ra, in the sky at night. He is also said to be the creator of every work of knowledge and is even claimed to be the author of the spells in the Egyptian “Book of the Dead” and the “Book of Breathings” (with the latter also given credit to Isis). Legends tell of the “Book of Thoth” which Thoth had written to include all the secrets of the universe. It is believed that anyone who reads this book becomes the most powerful sorcerer in the world, but would be cursed by their great knowledge. This god was believed to have knowledge of every single thing and would use his profound wisdom in order to be a mediator during troubling events. With his gift of speech, Thoth was excellent in both persuasion and counsel.

Weighing of the Heart: One of Thoth’s many roles was as a messenger and bookkeeper for the funerary deities, with one of these responsibilities having him be the recorder of the verdicts during the heart-weighing ceremony in Duat (the Underworld). During this ceremony in the Hall of Ma’at, Thoth would assist Anubis as a white feather of Ma’at is placed upon the golden scaled of truth along with the heart of the human spirit. If the heart was found to be heavier than Ma’at’s feather, it would show that the spirit had been evil during their life, and would then be thrown to the goddess Ammit. Once devoured by this goddess of doom, the spirit would be put through eternal suffering as punishment for their corruption.

If the heart was simply neutral, the spirit would be put through reincarnation until they resolved their karmic debt and learnt their lessons. If the heart was balanced with the feather, then the spirit would be granted passage to the Field of Reeds- the Paradise realm. Thoth would be the one to record and report each result to Osiris and the fourty-two judges, all of whom preside under the goddess Ma’at. Once a verdict was reached, the sentence would be carried out accordingly. Thoth always provided guidance for the deities and regulated common everyday complaints and created new laws. Thoth suggested that if a problem couldn’t be solved, then a group should get together as an assembly and discuss it.

Myths: In the myth of how Thoth lengthened the year (which was originally 360 days), it tells of how Nuit, the goddess of the sky and daughter of Atum, was prophesized to give birth to the new King of the Gods. Seeking to stop this, Atum the Creator cursed Nuit to never have children on any day of the year. The distressed goddess then went to Thoth for comfort, who promised her that he could find a way around the curse. He went to the Moon god Khonsu (in some versions it is Iabet) and challenged him to a game of dice in which Khonsu would bet his own moonlight. Thoth proved to be more lucky and won, so he gathered up the light of the Moon and used it to create five extra days of the year, allowing Nuit to have five days available for the birth of her children. In the myth of Osiris, Thoth helped protect Isis during her pregnancy with Horus, and later healed the eye of her son which had been damaged by Set during a battle.

Personal experiences: Thoth is deeply kind-hearted, patient, studious, wise, polite, curious, diligent, and balanced. He strongly values temperance in everything- remaining moderate and maintaining a healthy balance in all matters. Through his wife, Ma’at, he is balanced even further and his expansion towards knowledge is kept more steady. Thoth usually keeps to himself, but can be quite friendly in social matters and engages in dialogue whenever addressed. He provides very useful insight in a multitude of topics, seeming to have knowledge on practically everything. His mind is deeper than the ocean and is utterly unfathomable to humans.

Thoth strongly believes in the evolution of one’s self through learning, laborious efforts, and enriching one’s own experiences. These challenges are all seen as aids on the path towards spiritual rebirth and evolution. While many view Thoth as knowledge just for the sake of learning, he is vastly more complex than this as he represents the absolute understanding of the cosmos and the experiences needed for one to advance above being an ordinary person through the trials of Illumination. Thus, Thoth is the granter of all knowledges, both mundane and illuminating, making him an excellent mentor to the gates of true understanding.

Thoth is an excellent tutelary deity for all seekers of truth and knowledge. As patron of the scribes, people who struggle with writing can call upon his guidance as well. A lesser aspect of Thoth is his unique understanding of mathematical principals in language. Therefore, Thoth can create dozens of different scripts (magical or mundane) according to need, all being equally powerful due to their unique mathematical principles.

Regarding his marriage to Ma’at, this bond between their two essences represents balance, knowledge, and science. Thoth has explained that he has united with his daughter, Seshat, as well (nonsexually, in order to create new necessary creations). This unity with Seshat represents curiosity and the search for wisdom, and with their combined energies, they created Khonsu, the god of the moon and healing (as well as representing the initiate on the path of Illumination).

Epithets:

Author of Every Work on Every Branch of Knowledge

The Mysterious One

He Who Proclaims Laws

The One who Made Calculations Concerning the Heavens, Stars, and the Earth

He Who Determines Time

Moon of Beautiful Risings

Creator of All Things

Excellent Scribe

Scribe of the Divine Book

Protector of the Two Lands

Governor of Books

Ra that Shines in the Night

Ender of Strife

Eloquent Judge

Counsellor of Ra

Orderer of Fate

True of Heart

The Reckoner of Time and of Seasons

The Witness

The One Who Measured out the Heavens and Planned the Earth

Offerings: earl grey tea (plain), cold water, orange juice, honey, tangerines, lemons, apricots, blackberries, raisins, salmon, tuna, lamb ribs, chicken, onions, chives, garlic, basil, parsley, cashews, walnuts, orange liquor cakes, hyacinth, lily of the valley, mastic, ibis feathers, quills, fountain pens, stylus pens, scrolls, papyrus, hourglasses, scales, leather-bound books, chrysoberyl, imperial topaz, selenite, lapis lazuli, silver, poetry, ibis statuettes, and baboon statuettes. *no alcohol or drugs (he desires to have clarity of mind at all times)

Information on Ma’at

#thoth #djehuty #egyptian gods #egyptian polytheism #kemeticism #kemetic gods #deity work

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shinidamachu · 3 years

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Do you have thoughts on the Aang/Ozai showdown at the end?

Zuko: please. The real hero is a random rock the Avatar.

The final battle was amazing, from an animation poin of view. The colors, the fighting sequence, the symbolism, Aang finally mastering all elements. Just very exciting and satisfying to watch, because it was something that the audience was hoping for since episode one. And they delivered it.

From a writing point of view, though? It was less of a showdown and more of a cop-out. See, I'm not saying, by any means, that Aang should have killed Ozai. Quite the opposite. Not only because it was a children's show. Not only because Aang was a traumatized, non violent, 12 years old. But also because it made sense for the character and for the core themes of the show.

Don't get me wrong, Ozai one hundred per cent deserved to die. Aang himself stated that the world would be a better place without Ozai in it. I just don't think he should be the one to do it. At the same time, is on his hands that Ozai's fate lays and no one else can make that decision for him.

So if killing Ozai off could turn him into a Fire Nation martyr anyway and Aang refuses to do so because of his pacifist principles, what's the other option to defeat the guy and end the war? The authors went with energy bending and, honestly, I thought it was brilliant for a series of reasons.

First, ending Ozai's life seems like the obvious choice, an easy way out. I love the concept of Aang refusing to do what's expected of him and choosing instead to finish the war on his own terms, without compromising who he is, because in theory, that would mean he would have to go out of his way to find a different solution, in a perfect shout out to Bumi's words in The King Of Omashu: "you must master the four elements and confront the Fire Lord. And when you do, I hope you will think like a mad genius."

Second, in a show where bending is intimately related to one's very being, the questions begs to be raised: how much taking someone's bending away is better, more ethical or less cruel than actively killing them? Because it's a fundamental part of who they are, of their soul. Ty Lee had the abiliity to block chis, temporarily making people unable to bend. And it was a terrifying thing for the people she used the technique on.

Lastly, it ends the "killing Ozai would turn him into a Fire Nation martyr" for good, because (ATLA COMICS SPOILER ALERT) Aang let him leave without his bending and a significant amount of people still worshipped the guy to the point of planning coups on the down low and sending Zuko death threats left and right, so we basically got the same result, but Ozai remained an ever present threat to the peace Aang fought to achieve.

The problem, as people smarter and more eloquent than I have pointed out countless times, wasn't the energy bending solution, it was the way it was introduced and then executed.

Aang: hey! Look at these weird Lion Turtle things.

Looking back now, this scene from The Library was obviously foreshadowing the finale, so the Lion Turtle reveal wasn't pulled out of thin air. It had a purpose. Considering that this episode, from Book Two, mentioned the Lion Turtle, who would later teach Aang how to energy bend and that The Guru, also from Book Two, introduced the arc of Aang having to let go of his attachment to Katara in order to master the Avatar State, I can only assume that the original intentions of the writers were very clear:

Aang doesn't want to kill Ozai but he also doesn't want to let go of Katara. That's the catch! To "energy bend" his way out of murder, he has to master the Avatar State. His conflict here, is much greater than before because now Katara is a factor in the equation as well. He either kills Ozai, keeps his attachment and gives up the Avatar State or he masters it, defeats Ozai by removing his bending but has to let go of Katara in the process. It's awesome because it's the hardest possible choice a character like Aang could be forced to make. And we knew he would ultimately do the right thing, but regardless of what he decides, he still loses something important to him, he still has to make a huge sacrifice.

Of course, none of that happens. This was the first and only time the Lion Turtle was brought up. The “letting Katara go” arc was unceremoniously killed alongside Aang the second Azula shot that lightning in Ba Sing Se, but differently from the Avatar, whom Katara ressurrected, it was never brought back. And it’s a shame. Because The Library was the perfect episode to expand on the Lion Turtle and energy bending mystery.

And the finale? It was the perfect episode for Aang to do what he failed to do in Ba Sing Se: to let Katara go and achieve the Avatar State by his own merits, sacrificing something he wanted for the greater good. The way he hid into a cocoon of rocks? It would have been a great call out to the little crystal tent he made in his fight with Azula when he decided to give the Guru’s advices a try. And it would also symbolize rebirth in the same way Katara breaking him out of the iceberg did. Because now he had finally reached the other side of the river and he is no longer the same person he once was.

But the narrative decided, instead, to rob Aang from any growth, from any substancial change, from any interesting arc. They went with the “love is the most important thing” approach to justify him honlding on to Katara. And I could have bought it if they hadn’t been so dishonest about it.

First: if you love someone, you let them go. Attachment and love are two very different things. No one ever told Aang to stop loving Katara. He was told to let her go. And it makes sense because he was attached to her in a way that wasn’t healthy for either of them, and was keeping him from achieving his full spiritual potential, something he should care a little more about, given his upbring.

Second, in the person of Iroh, arguably the wisest character in the show, Aang is told that he is right for choosing love over power. But this is a false equivalence because it’s not what Aang is doing. The scene makes it look like he is seeking power for the sake of power. That’s not the case. The Avatar State is an inherent power, meaning Aang already has it. It’s part of who he is. He just needs to unblock it and learn how to control it. And he has to do that not for personal gain, but to put an end in the war.

A war that took almost everything from Katara, the person he loves. Aside from Aang himself, she is the person who would benefit the most from him learning to control the Avatar State, since she is the one who has to calm him down every time he accidentaly triggers it and winning the war is a very personal goal of her. Now, this is just conjecture but I firmly believe that even if Katara was secretly in love with Aang (which I don’t buy), she would be the first to tell his it’s okay to let her go. But alas, she wasn’t even aware of this conflict. A conflict she played a key part in.

That being said, I do think that the Ozai dillema was introduced too late. It should have been explored before the Day of Black Sun, giving Aang plenty of time to search for a different solution. It also never made sense to me why killing Ozai wasn’t a problem then. Apparently the explanation that I was supposed to stick with is that Aang was naive. He didn’t know people expected him to kill the Fire Lord until Zuko asked him what he would do when he faced Ozai, since violence wasn’t the answer. But I honestly struggle to accept this because, yes, Aang was naive.

But not that naive. Not at that point. After episodes like The Siege of the North and The Avatar State, I just don’t buy he didn’t know what people wanted him to do. Plus, Aang has an evasive fighting style, based on always being one step ahead of his opponent. To do that, he has to plan beforehand. What was his plan to confront Ozai in the Day of Black Sun, after everything he went through? Talk to him? Arrest the guy? If that’s the case, shouldn’t it at least be discussed with the gang? It’s never addressed.

Then comes the finale. Aang’s moment of truth. The event we’ve all been hoping for. The one that will turn him into a legend. And Aang is losing. He can’t win without killing Ozai or controling the Avatar State to take his bending away. What will he sacrifice to become a hero? His morals or his attachment? Answer: neither! Because the writers decided he should have everything without give up nothing. So they miraculously make a convenently sharped rock hit the exact right spot in the perfect time unblock his chakra, allowing him to enter the Avatar State.

I’m not even gonna talk about how this is most definitely not how chakras work, because it’s not really my place. But I am gonna talk about the tragic (not to say hilarious) fact that, by trying to make Aang have his cake and eat it too, the writers ultimately made a fucking rock the responsible for Aang’s success. Not his cleverness, not his hard work, not his altruism: a rock. If that rock wasn’t there, in the right place, at the right time, then what? Would Aang finally have done what he had to do, or would he be killed, allowing the war to continue?

That’s my issue with it. That, and the fact that they had no trouble addressing delicate topics, but didn’t have enough courage to let the 12 years old protagonist end up alone. Because, of course, children can’t understand the hero not getting the girl. Right?

RIGHT?

Aang managed to defeat Ozai and get the girl even though there was a whole season dedicated to build up an arc in which he would have to let her go to succed. Even though their last one on one interaction before their last kiss was Aang screaming at her and storming off, while Katara reprimended him for walking away from the issue. Even if he had been acting more and more possessive and entitled when it came to her affection. Even if Katara had shown no real interest in him that way before she suddenly does. But what do I know? Maybe she was hit by a magic rock too.

Aang and Katara happened at the cost of Aang’s character development. Fandom might think the rival ship was harmed the most by it, but that’s not true. Aang was. And it’s really sad. He is an amazing character and he deserved to be the hero of his own story, to have his beliefs tested and to come out of his journey irrevocably changed, not locked inside a plot armor.

#ATLA #Sidmailing #Avatar The Last Airbender

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samnyangie · 3 years

Text

Personal reviews on RSL filmography

Rsl, iI thought it’d be a good idea to record my thought on each films rsl was in, it was something I always wanted to do...

Rsl in total, was starred in (excluding tv series etc) 27-ish films, to be honest, considering his years as an actor(approximately more than 30 years) he wasn’t starred in that many. We all know why lol

Just saying I’m not a film expert, therefore the list is very subjective.

The reviews with trigger warning (r*pe, g*re etc): Tape, Killer: Journal of Murder, A glimpse of hell. Tho in the writing I’ve censored them with * since I don’t feel comfortable saying them here

There isn’t particular spoilers except for dps, tape, and ground control

The favourites (literally my life time films)

Dead Poets Society

I assume many would agree, and as many would have, it was my first ever rsl film, like I was on the plane and it was one of the films they offered, and I was like, oh I think i heard of this, so I watched and instantly loved it. The message is very relevant to this day, the cinematography is very beautiful and somehow nostalgic. I was horrified with Neil’s death. Tbh now I’ve seen too many memes and all kind of things from the fandom (which I’m grateful for!) I thought the heartfelt I once had would deluded a bit, however when I watched it again last April with my family at the cinema and it still moved me very deeply.

The age of Innocence

Okay, unpopular opinion here, I love this so much. It’s my all time favourite rsl film. It even outruns dps tiny winy bit haha. Aside from how he had tiny winy screen time, appearing at the end but the fact that he played quite an important role and him being gorgeous in it just<33 I couldn’t help but smiling! It just the whole film was so much of my cup of tea? The melodrama and the hypocrisy hidden by elegance among the upper social classes in 19th century is just what I needed. The more I watch it, the more I understand the characters and their emotions, it’s one of those films you should keep visit to discover the things you weren’t aware of before. I watched it again this morning and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. However, I know some people find it boring and I understand why, my sister is one of them lol(except for a bit where rsl was in) but i think it’s more complex than what it appears to be at a first glance haha. In conclusion, it became one of my comfort film to watch time to time.

The ones I like<33

Swing kids

At first viewing, I didn’t expected much because it had underwhelming reviews but when I actually saw it, I thought it was quite decent and more and more I watched it, I felt like it was underrated. Yes, I think some directing choices were bit old fashioned and cheesy especially the ending, I’m not saying it was a perfect masterpiece but it deserves more recognition than it has now. Also in spite that there’re some parts being too simplified, it touched on something other films about ww2 normally don’t. It was interesting to see the German perspective on it than Jewish or the allies perspective like many of them does, but of course the latter perspectives matter, it could be argued that they more valid than the former, which partly was where sk criticised for, however, the portrayal of the varied reactions of the German people (in this one particular the teenagers) has its value in their on way. Anyway along side with it, the music and the dance scenes were great, without exaggeration, though Swing kids isn’t my fav, peter’s solo dance scene is my favourite scene in any movies I’ve ever watched. I mean that scene had both visuals and meaning as it demonstrated Peter’s determination as well as resentment with a hitch of unsureness. Rsl acting in that scene was just phenomenal, it’s not about showing off the dancing skills but he portrayed every mixed emotions peter has from his expression and the moves, I just can’t talk about this enough especially this scene was the reason I started fallen for him. lol

Much ado about nothing

Much ado is something I never seen anything like so it was a refreshing exprience. I barely watched Shakespeare on screen kind of thing. Though I felt there were some bits too cheesy for me but they are also the charms in the same time, and the cinematography was pretty also Claudio aka rsl, it was like an official announcement of declaring my worship on this man. Especially it was after SWING KIDSSSS so I couldn’t help it now everyone knows how I fallen for him but no one can blame meeeeee Anyway, it’s a really good film to watch when you want be relaxed with cup of tea maybe hehe

In the gloaming

I heard about it before I watched it, that it’s a heart wrenching, tearful piece, though I didn’t managed to cry, it’s just.... painful and in a way heartfelt. I liked that story telling was calm and collected rather than forcing you to join the sob party, just showing the characters to carry on. And thanks to the great acting from the cast, the characters could be emphasised and understood, personally the older sister was the most relatable character for me, well, eldest complex lol. In short I liked it but it’s not something I would watch it often.

Last days of Disco

As a person who looks at aesthetic in films, I simply enjoyed this for that tbh. I don’t know, I just liked the feeling. But I don’t think it’d be everyone’s cup of tea. I love the day time clothes the girls wore in the film. Tbh I love the music too, I think I love all the films of rsl with music in it. Speaking about rsl, oh rsl, he’s.... His character might be bit unlikable but he was just.... This is why I can’t unlove his characters even the debatable ones<33

They were decent! (I would recommend it)

Married to it

This is the first and last ever attempt of rsl of romcomssss The film itself is cliche to be frank it’s like love actually but it’s about marriage life + it’s not christmas but I like heartfelt cliche stories like this, if anyone also loves this type of story, it’s really worth watching, it’s one of my comfort films, also, rsl is so pretty I mean he always is but to see him being a office man with a baby face made me go awww my baby grew up heheh I wish he did another romcom like this or more preferably, melodramatic romance, I’d have made a shrine of it and worship it every morning lol

The boys next door

I kind of smiled while watching it throughout, if you want something that is heartfelt and touch on some serious topic about social workers and the people with mental disorder, Rsl plays a character who has (I think it was) Schizophrenia and troubled relationship with his father(Deja vu I know) but general atmosphere tend to be quite humourous. I don’t get me wrong, though it’s light hearted, it doesn’t mean they treat the topic in the same way. There’s a scene where the protagonist imagining the one of the characters with the disorder talking eloquently and honourably at the court on the rights and the dignity of the people with mental disorders deserve to/should have and they’re just the same people as the people without mental disorders. It was a powerful scene.

My two loves

Rsl’s first ever screen debut film! Hehe it’s about a woman who is discovering her sexual identity and the conflicts within I personally thought it was fairly sensible depiction but I can’t say for sure whether it was accurate or else, since I don’t think it’s my place to say it:) But if you’re interested, it’s on YouTube, you can just search for it or go to this post I made. Fun fact: since it was his debut film, it credits him as he’s real name, Robert L. Leonard, I just find it amusing haha

Tape

It’s another type of film I don’t encounter that often, I enjoyed it, especially with Neil and Todd’s reunion lol. Rsl mentioned how he enjoyed it because it felt like doing a play, my first impression was that the structure is like a play, though the camera work made me quite dizzy haha. But the dialogues, the acting, I think it was quite spot on. Especially the human contradictions and hypocrisy side of it. The most people assume the baddie in the film is Jon the character rsl played and has a distaste for him. I mean how can anyone love a character who is accused of r*pe but to be honest, Vincent for me seemed just as problematic, both of them are hypocrites for sure in their own different ways but in the end we can’t be sure what’s really the truth or not. It’s about the vagueness, and phychology and the uncertainty from the audience on who to believe(well, myself included, most would trust on Amy’s claims since she’s the victim in the accusation, but by her denying the claims, making everything way unclear,) so I don’t know. I don’t really have an opinion haha tho I don’t believe nothing happened because Amy denied so, even Umma Thurman who played her, said that her interpretation was that Amy lied. I felt it’s endless rabbit hole this film. Sorry I couldn’t worded it better.

My best friend is a Vampire

It’s cringey and weird but there’re odd charm to it. Vampire rsl’s so cute as well.... and I think it’s the only film, he acted kind of flirty ? So for that itself I’d like to appreciate itttt And it’s so 80s/90s, like it has general odd nostalgia like all films from that age has. I saw a Korean blog about rsl films and this was mentioned, that- they said- it’s a bible of rsl’s adorableness and I think that sum up the film perfectly.

Mr&Mrs Bridge

Before this was in ‘I mean it was fine” category, but I watched it again and now I want to retract my statement lol Still isn’t my fav but I noticed how delicately depicted each characters are, Mr and Mrs Bridge in particular. This film is alternatively about the changes in the young generation regarding liberty, feminism, free expression especially on sex. It’s in the perspective of the bridges, the mother and father who is old fashioned and conservative (as it was normal in their previous generation) and the children who are the young generation, and the misunderstanding and conflicts between them. After all it all happened not only because of the difference but also the lack of communication, which rsl emphasised in his interviews. I found it interesting that they made it seems like the Bridges truly existed with the video footage and (with the ending) describing what happened to each family member in text with photos. When I watched it at first I was really confused if it was based on a real life. I think what they wanted to suggest was that the Bridges every typical American family at the time. It was something everyone was going through. I said previously I didn’t get why Rsl’s character (the youngest in the Bridges) treated his mother so coldly. Honestly I do get why, but I guess I felt so bad so the mother haha

I mean it was fine

The safe passage

It was okay but to be honest it didn’t stood out to me. It was okay. The story, the characters weren’t that interesting. I wish they extended it longer to go depth with their family relationship or something.

A painted house

I find it likeable, it has a chill, old folk story vibe, but same as previous one. it didn’t really stand out except for shirtless rsl, do close ups you cowards

Bluffing it

I was really fond of the premise of this film and I think it has great intention. It was specifically made to promote the awareness of illiteracy and how to get support. However, I don’t get the reason of Jack the protagonist’s illiteracy. Unless, it was common occurrence in America at the time, I feel like it’d have been more convincing if he was in poor family hood, so there was no time to learn at school due to working at young age...? I mean, just finding it hard to believe he passed the high school just like that, I mean the teachers or anyone should have noticed it, maybe I’m missing something here but it seemed unlikely to me.

Ground control

Again, I liked the message, as it depicted how frightening and difficult job the ground controller is, by one mistake could take away the lives of hundreds, especially as someone who goes on planes a lot... But it was quite cliche throughout, I just couldn’t get engaged to it. But I do admit at the end when the protagonist runs off to the landing zone see the pilot who he had just saved, they acknowledged each other and have eye contacts was truly wholesome. Rsl as cocky, bad boy was such a icing on the cake, I loved it so much. Chewing gum in every scene lol I hope he plays these sort of characters more often. I saw someone criticising him saying he has narrow spectrum of just playing nice boy roles like Neil but I really wanted to debunk the narrative and this could be one of the examples!

Chelsea walls

I knew that this has split reviews but nonetheless I think worth to watch it, 1. Ethan and rsl re union, 2. Ethan is the directer of the film and rsl sing in it. But I have to say, it’s one of those hard to follow art indie film so I couldn’t finish it on one go. I feel like I have to devour it over and over again. Maybe later on I grow fond of it more lol But his character, I loved him so much. He’s just has everyone don’t touch me, I’m a cocky artist vibe, there’s a scene where his annoying friend annoying him and he looks up and says: ‘Fck off’. Absolute golddddd not to mention he sings and plays guitar so beautifully<333

Well... it’s not my cup of tea

The Manhattan project

I don’t think the film it self was that bad, it’s about high school boy who find out the existence of some nuclear energy research lab and stole the energy to make his own nuclear bomb. I just don’t get the thinking process of the protagonist. It really frustrated me. He seemed apathetic and unlikable I disliked him throughout and that’s why I didn’t really enjoyed it. I mean it has humour and ridiculous storyline might be humorous to some. But more importantly there was such little screen time for rsl!! LIKE WHY? WHY PEOPLE?? HE LOOKS LIKE A FRESH HUMAN MOCHI!!! It makes me soooo mad to think about it

Killer: Journal of Murder

Well, first of all, it had a lot of graphic things than I imagined, brutally murd*red bodies, execution, and r*pe scene, gosh I was strucken by it when I saw that, I had to skipped that scene. It’s based on a real event and a real criminal called Carl Panzram, so if you’re aware of it, it might be more intriguiging to see. But personally for me... meh, I don’t think directing was good as it failed to portray it enough for me to comprehend fully.

A Glimpse of Hell

This is also based on a true event of a tragic accident in the us battleship in Iowa in 1989. They shows tragedy lin a blunt, brutal way by showing horribly damaged bodies of the soldiers torn into pieces, all the horrid things directly so be warned about that. I was quite alarmed because i didn’t expect to see it haha there’s no much to say. The film quality was so so for me. I feel their approach wasn’t appropriate, they were clearly trying to make it dramatic which is fine but in a melodramatic emotional way. It didn’t work because first, there aren’t enough portrayal of the characters for me to get attached, secondly it added the unnecessary exaggeration it prevented me from being emotionally involved or even to think about it. In my opinion, I think it’d have been better if they made it more restrained, dry, focus on the accuracy. For example like 1987 or Zodiac, I mean both of them has dramatic elements since they’re not a documentary but they were not overdone, in a contrary added emphasis to their message/conclusion. I know it’s easier said than done but it was something I consistently felt during it.

Sir.... I’m sorry but-

Standoff

Haha... it’s very peculiar... the directing is off and it just weird. I knew it was bad already but I watched it because rsl as a cop with gunssssssss just... so rare and just.... something else. There’s no way of me missing that seriously. Tbh him doing an action stunt isn’t what I imagine when it comes to him and there’s really any actions scenes anyway but it really was something. Like the character he played here really became my soft spot Hehehehe he was pretty and plus, tbh it’s kind of film I’d make fun of while watching so everything was (alomst) forgivable. There is a recent thing I think about, since this is about a cult, I kind of hope he’d at some day play a role like Eli Sunday from There will be blood: a manipulative, deceitful and maddened priest with twisted faith. Though Paul Dano did a grand job, the idea was in my head the whole time. Well, it’s a shame he wasn’t any of those here lol

Driven

From what I seen, the majority of people seem to unanimously hate this film, and after watching it I became one of those ppl. At least Standoff could be make fun of and rsl held gunssss but this...... I want to say so many things... I feel like they should have chose either fancy, fast paced, thrilling racing film or detailed depiction of emotions/relationships with the racers and people involved in it, I know both can be done, but I think that was outside of their ability, but since they tried to do that at once, it became a mess that doesn’t go either way. And the characters, any of them, including rsl’s are narrow or impossible to understand. I mean rsl did great himself, it was not about acting, the problem lies on the script and editing in my opinion. Also there were so many unnecessary characters made me question of their existence. Luckily rsl’s character isn’t one of them, however because of them, he had to squeeze in and unable to elaborate, which is a shame as he was an interesting character and someone rsl rarely plays; a arrogant and opportunist agent/brother of the protagonist, who would do anything for success... ha.... whyyyyy

This is it. If I watch other stuff I might add to it in the future. Overall, I know I’m biased but I do like His filmography, I do have appreciations in every one of them in different way to the good ones to bad. He may have disagree, but I love his acting on screen, well, I barely seen him on stage (crying)

Edit: as some of you could see, I’ve edited this over and over again haha elaborating on thing or the contrary. I can say with a glimpse of hell I practically managed to watch every rsl films out there lol except for the i inside and the short film he did called a dog race in Alaska. But with the former I’m not interested and already know the storyline, and the latter is just impossible to find, trust me I did my best;;

So to sum up: I HAVE MASTERED THE RSL FILMOGRAPHY!

#robert sean leonard #rsl #films #filmography #personal #thoughts

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moon-mirage · 3 years

Note

uhhh I don't know how many prompts I get for your cresswell drabble thing, but it's exam season so how about an "I know we've literally never spoken but my roommate has their partner over and I have an exam tomorrow and i CAN'T focus when they're around so please can I hang out with you until then?" AU 👀

You can enter as many prompts as you like. :) It would be good to have just one word because then I can maybe manage to write a drabble only. But only maybe.

But since you gave me more than a word, you’ll also get more words back ... 2,7k actually. :P I hope you have some time to spare. ;)

---

It was one thing to see her crush from far away, maybe even in a group of shared friends.

It was a whole different matter if he actually walked around her little apartment as if he owned the place even though he had never been here before.

"You like Vietnamese food, right?" He asked over his shoulder as he looked though the little kitchenette for some cutlery. Scarlet had organised the place well, so he easily found it. "You know Wolf, so there shouldn't be any cilantro in any of the dishes. Not sure what his deal with cilantro is since he usually eats everything that can be chewed. Weird if you ask me," he told her with a shrug.

"I do," Cress piped up. "Like Vietnamese food, I mean," she added lamely. After he said it was weird, she didn't want to reveal that she didn't like cilantro either.

Why oh why, couldn't have Scarlet warned her?

Although what could have prepared her for the sight of Carswell Thorne in her open door with two big bags of takeout, asking her if he could come in?

A devilish smile, a wink and Cress lost her ability to speak. Or behave like a normal human being.

She wanted to hide in her bedroom, change into something pretty and practice a conversation. She would like to be smart and witty and maybe a little bit sexy so he wouldn't know what hit him. He should be impressed by her, fall in love with her but instead she hardly could say a word.

He gave her his best smile. "Great." He hummed a few notes as he arranged the dishes on her counter, and she saw him glance at the pictures at the wall.

Oh stars!

It's not that she was particularly embarrassed by the fun pictures with her friends, when they had dressed up for a Disney-themed party (although with quite some booze which was hardly Disney-approved). But she certainly was now that her crush saw her in a full-blown Rapunzel costume, including the braided wig!

She cleared her throat, relieved when he turned his attention on her instead.

Well, that relief was short-lived now that he looked at her.

With those dreamy eyes that haunted her since her first college party.

Since then, Carswell Thorne had crossed her path more than once though she had to to speak with him more than ten words.

"What are you doing here?" She blurted out.

"Um." For the first time since he entered her apartment, Thorne looked sheepish. "Right. So, Scarlet is at our place."

Cress nodded. That wasn't anything new. Since Scarlet and Wolf got together, they had been almost inseparable. Wolf had come by their apartment a few times but tall as he was, he always looked caged in their small apartment, almost afraid to move and accidentally break something. Even sitting on their couch had been a sight. Cress and Scarlet fit snuggly into it but when Wolf sat on it, he used the whole space for himself. He had tried to make himself look smaller - an unsuccessful endeavour.

So, Scarlet was usually at his place that he shared with Thorne.

Which still didn't answer why Thorne was here.

In her apartment! With takeout!

Rubbing his neck, he seemed surprised that his reply hadn't answered her question. "So, Scarlet and Wolf are at our place ... together." When she didn't say anything, he gave an exasperated sigh. "I mean, together-together." He gave her a pointed look before folding a few napkins. "And I could hear everything. I mean, my bedroom is next to Wolf's so they know that I can hear them. They just didn't care."

Cress blushed furiously. Scarlet had been considerate enough not to bring Wolf to her place to be, as Thorne had put it, together-together but it had never occurred to Cress that they would go to Wolf's place instead since he also didn't live alone.

"But um, don't you also bring... girlfriends over?" The words were difficult to say with ease and she hoped he didn't notice. Thorne was many things - a charmer, very smart, good-looking and fun - but also, to her detriment, quite popular among the female students for all the reasons she just listed. She knew he went out with Shan from one of her classes for a while, Scarlet's friend Émilie had also talked about dating Thorne during their first semester and she had seen him with Elia from Cress's dancing class as well. And those were just the ones she knew about.

Maybe if he flirted with her, if she at least got the chance for a date ... She never wanted to be another girl for Thorne, she wanted to be the girl for Thorne but he never extended his excessive flirting to her. More often than not, she had wondered if he even knew who she was despite sometimes hanging out together with Scarlet, Wolf, Cinder and Kai and Iko.

He gave a short laugh. "We usually have a kind of understanding ... or a schedule." A wink. "And I'm more discreet. I tell you, Scarlet brings out the wolf in Wolf," he said with a snicker. "Dinner is served!"

With flourish, he revealed the counter where he had strategically placed all the dishes, the rice, the sauces and even some candles she recognised as the ones they usually placed on the little shelf next to the door.

When she didn't say anything, he faltered for a second, his proud smile turning into a frown. "Oh wait." He looked through one of his pockets until he found a lighter and proceeded to lit the candles. "What do you say?"

Cress's heart was beating hard in her chest. "It's beautiful," the told him truthfully.

He preened at her compliment. "Well, the stuff you have is quite nice. The table pretty much set itself." Reaching for her, Cress felt his warm hands on her shoulder as he led her to the counter and helped her sit on one of the barstools.

This wasn't happening. Was she really eating dinner with Thorne?

When he looked expectantly at her, she reached for a summer roll, dipped in one of the sauces and hoped she wouldn't spill the whole content on her shirt as she bit into it. It was delicious and she hummed in pleasure.

"I take it tastes good?"

She opened her eyes, trying her best not to blush. "Amazing. Where is it from?"

"It's a few blocks from our place. Next time you come over, we can order from there again. Although there is also this great Indian restaurant you've got to try."

Cress munched on her roll, trying to figure out if he had indeed invited her to his apartment. Probably along with their other friends but still. She had only seen his place once not too long ago when he and Wolf had a little housewarming party.

A thought occurred to her. "Wait. If you, Scarlet and Wolf ordered it ... and you brought it here ... did you steal their food?"

He gave her an innocent look that could fool nobody. "I wouldn't say steal. I told you, they were otherwise occupied. Food is the last thing on their minds right now. And why let it go to waste?" He dug into one of the rice dishes, chewing thoughtfully.

They ate in silence but somehow, it wasn't awkward. At least, Cress didn't feel it was. But she was usually silent, so maybe it was awkward for Thorne?

Gathering all her courage, she asked him about his classes. An easy and safe topic for her and though he answered, he was more monosyllabic than she was used from him. He must have noticed himself because he gave her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, Cress, it's just ... I'm doing okay but I'm no match for the golden child from campus. I doubt I could tell you anything you don't know already."

"That's not true." They shared a literature class together and he had eloquently interpreted a piece of fiction with ease. His view on the book had impressed her, despite having read on it and knowing the many ways to interpret the book. But he had made it his own and expressed his opinion, while Cress was usually too shy to raise her hand and join the discussion.

When she told him, he laughed warmly. "Ah, that pulp fiction story, I remember. Honestly, Cress, I was just bullshitting. I haven't even read the book."

"But then it's even more impressive."

There was a short silence during which she carefully evaded his gaze and focused on some fried vegetable. "That's sweet of you to say. But still, you're the genius who is acing pretty much every test without trying from what I've heard. I'm jealous," he said with a conspiratorial wink.

She blushed but didn't deny it. She wanted to let him know that it wasn't anything special, that learning was easy for her and that studying had been the only thing she had ever been good at - but no, it would come off as haughty or patronising. "I would like to be more like you," she confessed before she could stop herself.

"Sure you do. Who wouldn't?" He meant it as a joke but Cress didn't miss that there was a sombre tone to it.

She shrugged, trying to find the right words. "I'm good at tests, so I do well at college that's true but I'm not ... one day, we'll have our degree and then those grades won't matter much. I suck at personal interviews and my soft skills are really bad. I freeze up when I'm asked questions even though I know the answer. I'm not someone you remember among all those other college students aside from my grades."

"I remember you," he said without missing a beat. Cress blushed furiously at that and had no answer. Before the silence stretched on for too long, Thorne spoke again. "I'm actually relieved. I always saw you and heard the way people talked about you and thought, wow, there's someone who doesn't have to worry about life after college."

"I wish."

He nodded. "I actually excel at interviews. I can bullshit my way through them. Hey, I could teach you!" His eyes glinted with honest pride. "It's all about confidence."

"I don't have much of that," she murmured.

He waved her concerns away. "Just pretend you do then. Believe me, if you go into an interview, thinking you deserve the job and they have to convince you to take it, you'll automatically act all confident. It's easy, I'll show you how." He tipped at his temple, as if an idea had just occurred to him. "And in return you help me studying for my tests, deal?"

Thorne was all smiles and Cress couldn't help but grin back at him. He was so genuine and kind, in ways she was never able to discern from away. It just made her heart ache more. "Deal."

From that moment on, their conversation flowed more easily and Cress learned more about Thorne, his dreams and ambitions she had ever thought possible. Shy at first, she was nevertheless gaining some confidence as she talked to him and wasn't embarrassed when he pointed to the picture of her, Scarlet and Cinder in their Disney dresses.

"Please, let me borrow it. I need to make fun of Cinder, please, Cress? You can't deny me that one chance to one-up Cinder."

"She would so kill me."

"But Cress, she's wearing a dress. A poufy one, with glitter! And a tiara! An ugly one but still. Maybe I should take her shopping for a new one. See, I need that picture to help Cinder. That's me being a great friend."

"How selfless of you."

He nodded earnestly. "Selfless is my middle name. Right after suave and daring."

Cress giggled as she finished the last bit of her rice pudding dessert. With some sadness, she realised their nice evening together would be soon over. She didn't want it to be but takeout was what he came here for and now nothing was left.

Even Thorne was quiet, as he looked at all the empty boxes, cleaning a few specks on the counter with a napkin.

Cress wondered where he would go now. It was unlikely that Scarlet would return tonight or that she and Wolf would not take advantage of the empty apartment.

As if he read her mind, Thorne asked. "Would you mind if I crashed here for tonight?"

Cress stuttered. He wanted to stay the night? Here? At her place? Where she was?

"Or not!" He laughed. "Sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I just assumed Scarlet's room is empty and since it's already late... I'm sorry, Cress." Reaching for her hand, he squeezed it lightly. His usually mischievous grin was replaced by something more soft and sweet and she knew he would leave if she asked him to.

Cress had never invited a guy into her apartment. She wasn't prepared. The bathroom was a cluttered mess and she desperately tried to remember if she left her underwear somewhere he could see. Or the braces she wore during the night. Aces, he would see her in her spaceship pyjamas! Her cute flowery ones were in the laundry. She was just not prepared for Carswell Thorne staying the night.

And still... "I-it's fine. I'm sure Scarlet won't mind." From the stories she heard, they had already shared a tent when they went hiking with Cinder and Iko. Cinder had absolutely refused to share the tent with Thorne but Scarlet and Iko didn't have the same issues (though for different reasons, she remembered).

His smile was soft but there was a touch of nervousness that was so unlike the Thorne she knew that she felt flustered and busied herself with cleaning up the dishes. "Thank you, Cress. I promise to-"

She didn't let him finish. "Is that why you came here?" She had actually wondered about that. Thorne could have went anywhere after leaving his apartment. Iko and Cinder's apartment was much closer to his place than hers, and Kai's place was really fancy. It was the apartment they would hang out the most since it was the most spacious one and had lots of anemities. For a group of ever-poor students, it was a dream come true.

The silence went on a heartbeat too long. "Yes. Right. Scarlet's empty room. I mean it makes sense right?" His laugh was a touch too loud before he helped her cleaning up the counter. "I promise you won't even notice I'm here."

Somehow she doubted that.

---

"I can't believe you actually thought I randomly came by with dinner."

"How could I think you were not? You were at my door with takeout, I didn't think ..."

Thorne tugged playfully at one of her locks. "- I wouldn't come by under pretense just to spend a bit of time with the girl I had a crush on?" He finished for her. "Come on, Cress. You are supposed to be the smart one in this relationship."

"But you were so convincing!"

His finger tips ghosted over her cheek and she leaned into her touch. "Just as I told you then ... I pretended to be confident. And apparently, it worked."

The kiss that followed still made her heart race. She laced her hands behind his neck, drawing him closer, his taste now so familiar to her.

It stopped way too soon. She looked up him questioningly, her eyebrows furrowed when she saw his mischivious grin. "What?"

Leaning closer, he whispered into her ear. "You want to know another secret?" She knew he would feel her nod. "Scarlet and Wolf had left for the weekend to visit Scarlet's grandma. I didn't see - or hear - them for two whole days."

She gasped and he bit his lips playfully. "You planned this?"

"Yes." He drew her in for another kiss. "And I'm glad I did."

Her heart warmed at his confession. "Me too."

---

Don’t ask me why but I feel this oneshot pretty much wrote itself (during working hours but no one needs to know that). It’s actually my first AU oneshot and it was a fun challenge. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Thank you again for the prompt. :)

#the lunar chronicles #tlc #cress #carswell thorne #cresswell #cresswell drabble prompts #I'm a big fan of writing prompts now #now I get the deal with muses #all of you sending me prompts? You're my muses now #that's how it is ;)

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ibijau · 3 years

Note

ooh, can i ask for jiang yanli/wen qing and 40 please?

Pride parade/parades in general

I’m cheating a bit but there’s a parade happening nearby so it totally counts.

I’m mixing different canons: Jiang Yanli and Wen Qing went to the Cloud Recesses like in CQL, but the discussion conference in Nightless City happens like in the novel/donghua

Jiang Yanli rarely goes to these discussion conferences if she can avoid them. Although the topics mentioned usually interest her, more perhaps than people might expect, she feels uncomfortable with having any attention on herself. It was bad before, when she was engaged, but now that she’s available once more, she knows she will be gawked at, with sect leaders trying to decide her worth as if she were a horse on the market. Her looks and cultivation don’t play in her favour, but an alliance with Yunmeng Jiang is no small thing, and perhaps her mother’s skill will skip a generation.

A mare to be sold and purchased, that’s what she feels like sometimes.

There was little joy in her engagement, but at least Jin Zixuan unwillingly protected her from that for a long time. Now, though…

Still, she asked to come to this particular conference, knowing what it would be like. Jiang Yanli doesn’t make many requests but when she does, they are often granted. Her mother likes to see her more assertive, while her father feels guilty about not favouring his own children enough. If Jiang Yanli were of a different disposition, she could so easily use that against them. Knowing this is part of why she rarely asks anything, fearful to take advantage of their weaknesses. But this…

This is important.

Important enough to face the appraising gaze of men, important enough to ask for it.

There’s rumour of a war coming after all. And before it comes, destroying them all, Jiang Yanli wants a last chance to speak with Wen Qing before they inevitably end up on opposing sides.

The chance to do this comes earlier than Jiang Yanli would have expected. The Wens, eager to impress as always, have organised a number of demonstrations of their power to welcome their guests. There is to be an archery contest for junior disciples, demonstrations of new techniques for the elders, and of course the discussions themselves.

First, though, the festivities open with a loud and elaborate parade.

While her father and brothers watch the parade with the other delegations of the Great Sects, Jiang Yanli glances to the side to meet Wen Qing’s eyes. The other young woman nods ever so slightly. The two of them silently step away from their relatives and move toward the back of the platform where they’re all standing, so they can talk without attracting too much attention. Wei Wuxian is the only one who notices her moving away, but he spots Wen Qing as well, and seems satisfied by that, returning his attention to the parade.

The two women find a corner hidden from view to have their chat. The instant it is safe, Jiang Yanli takes Wen Qing’s hands in hers, as she did dozens of times in the Cloud Recesses. She feels Wen Qing tense, her pulse quicken, but she doesn’t try to escape. Everything else is different now, but this hasn’t changed yet at least.

“I’ve heard about your engagement,” Wen Qing says, blunt as always. “How sorry do I need to be?”

“Not too sorry,” Jiang Yanli admits, something she wouldn’t tell anyone else. “I should be happy that I won’t have to marry a man who dislikes me. I know too well what it does to a person’s temper.”

Wen Qing’s fingers wrap around hers, a comforting gesture. She knows, of course, that Jiang Yanli liked her cold fiancé more than was reasonable. They talked about that, back in the Cloud Recesses, and about a great many other things.

Too many things, perhaps.

Jiang Yanli isn’t sure if women too can cut their sleeves. In those circumstances, she doesn’t want to know. It could never happen, anyway.

“You know, I’ve started thinking of marrying, actually,” Wen Qing announces, startling Jiang Yanli.

They’ve not spoken of that, but there can be women who only seek the company of other women, then Wen Qing has to be among those. The way she speaks of men compared to the way she speaks of women leaves little doubt on that subject.

“Have you met someone then?” Jiang Yanli asks, wanting to tear her hands from Wen Qing, fighting the heartbreak and betrayal she has no right to feel.

Wen Qing laughs, the same way she laughed the first time Jiang Yanli asked her if there was something going on with Jiang Cheng.

“It would just be more convenient,” Wen Qing explains. “Wen zongzhu will have to be a little more considerate about bossing me around if I have a husband, lest it starts looking like I’m his mistress. And I would be on firmer ground to protect my people if I had a man to speak my words for me. I just need to find someone who suits my purposes.”

Instantly, Jiang Yanli relaxes and grins. That’s more like the Wen Qing she knows.

“You are a difficult woman to please, Wen guniang,” she teases, just for the joy of making Wen Qing roll her eyes. “I hope you’ll find a husband eloquent enough to please you, useless enough not to threaten you. Might I suggest Nie er-gongzi? I’m quite sure he won’t, ah, bother you too much with marital duties.”

They both giggle, remembering a certain incident in the Cloud Recesses, and the secret Nie Huaisang begged them to keep.

“I’ve thought of it actually,” Wen Qing admits. “But his brother…”

Jiang Yanli wrinkles her nose and nods. She knows Nie Mingjue’s reputation, of course. He would never let his little brother marry into Qishan Wen. To be honest, it’s unlikely Nie Huaisang himself would have been on board either. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng befriended Wen Ning, but Nie Huaisang kept his distances, showing he shares his brother’s prejudice.

“I’m still looking for now,” Wen Qing sighs. “I’ll find someone, sooner or later. And when I do… well, I’m a busy woman. I have my clan to rule, and I’m a doctor as well, of course. I won’t have time to be much of a wife, I fear, so I’m thinking I’ll allow my husband to get a second wife.”

“Will you now,” Jiang Yanli says, half breathless because the way Wen Qing looks at her is…

“Things are about to get rough I fear,” Wen Qing whispers, glancing around to make sure nobody is nearby. “I cannot protect my friends. But someone linked to me by marriage would not have to fear the rage of Wen Ruohan. He needs me too much to risk angering me, and he knows it.”

“Wen guniang…”

Wen Qing squeezes her fingers tenderly, and brings up one of Jiang Yanli’s hand to the level of her face, dropping a brief kiss on her knuckles.

“I will understand if you decide you cannot leave your family, Jiang guniang,” she says. “But I’m offering you that choice anyway. I will protect you with all that I have, make sure you have the best life I can give you. I cannot promise you a husband who will love you, but I can assure you that whoever we would marry would know to respect you, and that I… well. You know how I feel, Jiang guniang. I do not offer these things lightly. I know what it could cost, for both of us. But I offer this anyway, because you are worth the risk.”

Jiang Yanli’s vision blurs, tears threatening to spill.

Once, she would have loved to hear these things coming from some handsome young man, perhaps from Jin Zixuan if she could only be so lucky. How lovely she would have found it, if he could have promised to challenge the heavens for her.

He could never have said those things as beautifully and sincerely as Wen Qing did though. And Jiang Yanli, who always thought she would sacrifice everything for her family, finds herself tempted to abandon them for the sake of the young woman before her.

It would be selfish, certainly, but Jiang Yanli can’t help feeling she might have earned that selfishness.

#jiang yanli #weng qing #yanqing #I think?#mdzs #jau writes #I have no idea how to write either of them shame on me #Anonymous

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brideofcthulhu10 · 4 years

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I promised you guys I'd whittle something out before the end of the day! (Currently its 11:30 here, so I made my deadline lol) So here's a bit of drama and fluff. Every couple fights, even vampires, but the most important thing is to take responsibility for your actions and communicate. With that in mind, I give you:

Lost Boys Make Their Fem!S/O Cry During a Fight

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Themes, Possible Triggers, Topics of Physical and Verbal Anger

David

David is not known to mince words in any scenario, so you can bet that means he chooses an s/o who can handle his bluntness. The same could be said for your fights. Unlike Dwayne and Paul, David rarely yells anymore. Instead he's harsh, cold, and what he says often hits very hard. He doesn't tip toe around when he's calm, you can damn well bet he isn't going to be considerate when you tick him off. He can be quite jealous at times, but often it doesn't lead to a fight. Admittedly he can be a tad petty as well, but getting genuinely enraged towards you is not as common. A spat is one thing, but a serious fight can get ugly fast. He is almost jolted when he hears a sharp breath muffled under your hand. Hell he's only ever heard you make that sound during sex, and this was definitely no time to be turned on. He'll turn around and see you with your hand over your mouth trying to hide your shame and feel ungodly levels of guilt.

David's words are harsh, and when you turn out of the room he's still sitting there utterly flabbergasted that you had such a tearful expression. After all, you had to know he didn't mean it..right?

David will definitely sulk, he hates admitting he was wrong. Not necessarily because he thinks he's in the right for being cruel, but rather he's sure you just need space and then things will get better. He'll expect you back any day... So when you don't, he kind of goes into denial and will wait, and wait… and wait...

The guys stopped asking about you because every time he hears your name mentioned he grows more pissed off. Eventually he explodes in a rage, which is extremely rare for David.

"So uh.. about Y/N-"

"Why isn't she back yet?! This is stupid, she should know that I don't mean it!"

"Hey, David, man why don't you go talk to Y/N? I sure if you-"

"No! If she wants to stay away, fucking fine! Good riddance!"

Truthfully he's upset. Beyond that, really. He feels awful for making you cry, he's afraid you might hate him now, but he doesn't know how to approach the situation. Apologizing is difficult, to David it's a form of defeat and a part of him doesn't want to face that it's his fault you're gone.

Eventually he caves in after a week and a half. He misses you like crazy! The guilt gnaw at him to the point that he can't sleep, he can't think straight. Even blood begins to have a bitter taste to it.

It'll be a late night, closer to 3 am when he just silently appears in your room. If you're asleep he'll just stand there and watch you for a moment. Mostly trying to build up enough willpower to do what he's about to.

Expect his apology to be kind of crappy. At least, at first. It'll come off as angry, even a bit misguided just because he really hates admitting he fucked up. But when he does, it's the most sincere, heartbreaking moment of your relationship. He may have to turn away from you and shut his eyes before any tears tempt his cheeks. You can't see him like that. Tears means he's getting emotional, that means he's growing attached, and attachment… it's a weakness. When he's weak and attached, people die.

He lost a love before because he couldn't protect her, he's lost his brothers once because he got careless and underestimated his enemy, he can't lose more.

Once he apologizes and you come back to him, he's a bit more attached to you physically. He'll hold you from behind with his chin on your shoulder while sitting on his bike, have you sit on his lap at the hotel, even on the boardwalk he's become more open by holding your hand. He isn't ready to say the big "L" word just yet, so this is the most he can muster. Whenever he's too harsh now he'll apologize by hugging you to him. David is still scared of getting close, but he's more afraid of pushing you away from his lack of filter.

Dwayne

It takes a lot to ruffle Dwayne's feathers, so already he's not one to be careless with his words. Unfortunately once he's pushed to that point all bets are off. This usually dismissive vampire of little words becomes an eruption of rage. A lot of it is physical. He'll throw a table or punch a hole in a cement wall. He doesn't mean to scare you. When he gets that worked up he becomes unbelievably tense, almost his body's way of warning you not to push him. With fangs out, standing in the wreckage of his rage he'll pause to see you failing to hold back a mess of tears and immediately stops.

At that point he's exhausted. Rage takes a lot out of him, in the end he just feels flustered and a bit ashamed for losing his cool. The longest a fight lasts is maybe a day or two, usually you give each other space but once he's made you cry that's a different story.

Even if you started the fight he recognizes he shouldn't have done what he did. Temper or not, that's not an excuse to blow up at you. He'll be frustrated with himself for losing grasp of his emotions, and he'll probably take some time to think over his words before trying to solve the issue. It's hard to look at someone else's point of view when you're pissed off at them, he knows that better than anyone. Especially since he grew up with siblings before becoming a vampire. When he's got a good grasp on himself he'll probably try to settle things with you so that you two can get things back to normal.

"Y/N… come here, please," he'll say softly, patting the seat next to him on the couch. As soon as you do, he slings his arm around your shoulder and yanks you into his chest. He doesn't look down at you or say a word, he'll rest his chin on his fist looking straight ahead searching for the right words. If it was a mutual argument he'll explain his own point of view after apologizing for losing his temper, and when it's your turn he'll listen quietly. If it was on him, he's even more remorseful. He's reaching almost a hundred years old by now, he should know better. Truthfully he had the same issue when he was alive, but he never meant to drive you to tears. You'll both sit quietly together on the couch, Dwayne rubbing your back until you've calmed down. After all is said and done he'll tell you how much he loves you, he doesn't want to leave any negative feelings still in your heart. Relationships are a pain, he knows that, but he cares about you more than his own life.

Paul

Oh when you two go at it the gloves are off! Paul is the most emotional of the group, so when he gets mad all he sees is red. There will be a massive amount of yelling, he may even be fighting back some tears himself. He'll get physically frustrated, punching walls, throwing furniture, kicking things over. Yes, he might get in your face, and you can definitely expect him to bare his teeth at you. Especially if you're in his face too. By now it's not scary, just even more infuriating that he's trying to make to back out using intimidation.

When you cry it can go one of two ways. It really depends on the context of the fight.

If you started it, or it was a mutual argument he may storm off somewhere in the cave. To him crying can be a cheap tactic to make him feel guilty, so if you've done it when you've done something wrong it upsets him… even more so because he feels like crap! He hates fighting with you! You're his kitten, his babe, regardless whether or not you started the fight he feels terrible seeing you like that. He's just so damn frustrated! After mellowing out with a thick ol' stick of the devil's lettuce he'll sulk out with his hands in his pockets. If you're still there he'll plop next to you and explain why he was so ticked off. Granted, it isn't exactly eloquent the way he puts it. After all emotions are tricky, he doesn't always know how to express himself verbally. If you've already left and it's still night, he'll fly over to your place and try to settle things with you. He doesn't want to go to bed angry at you, and he definitely doesn't want you going to bed upset with him.

If the fight was started by him, or if you're genuinely upset he'll stop. Especially if your tears are from him hurting you. Then it's all love. He sets aside his temper, and pulls you into his arms. It'll take a moment for him to calm down, but it's just a plethora of tender apologies while he holds you.

"I'm sorry kitty-cat," he coaxes you, holding your head to his chest. "Don't cry, okay? I hate it when you cry."

If you aren't emotionally drained there'll probably be a lot of make-up sex in either situation. Once you two have made up, he wants to do everything he can to be close to you. Plus, he needs a release as well. Afterwards, he'll snuggle up to you still wearily mumbling apologies under his breath.

Marko

Anger isn't a common emotion for Marko. Well, unchecked rage that is. He can get a little irritated, but it really takes a lot for him to lose his temper. Even still it's closer to David's methods than Paul. Again it's the context. If you've done something wrong or started the fight he'll be more prone to outbursts.

While you're screaming at him, in his face he'll just watch you silently with a blank stare. On the surface he's calm. There's not a lot of yelling, but there can be some physical rage if you really push him. Marko would punch the wall and leave a crumbling chasm in his path, reminding you what happens when he's pushed too far. Truthfully he'd never put you in harm's way, but when he gets like this it's hard for him to stifle his predatorial rage that tends to poke through the cracks.

If he's the one who's upset with you, even if it's on him, he probably won't let on at first. While not petty, he'll seem distant from you. In public he'll yank you to him like a wolf warning others to stay away from his mate, but alone in private won't touch you as much. You may try to ace your hand on his shoulder and he'd immediately excuse himself from the room to sulk. If you really get clingy he grows even more agitated and will have very rough angry sex with you, his fangs may even come out in the process. Especially if he's jealous.

When you cry, it sucks. During a fight, after jealous defiling, when he intimidates you, it just sucks. If you step away from him he knows he's messed up.

Part of him doesn't want to cave in so easily to your displays of emotion, but if you're legitimately hurt by his actions he'll just let out an exasperated sigh. He may excuse himself verbally for a moment to try and gather his thoughts, or he'll sit you down and try to explain his reasons for being so enraged. If it's on him he'll carry you to the couch and hold you to him.

"*sigh* Look.. I'm sorry for going overboard the way I did, baby girl. I shouldn't have done that…"

If you cry after sex he'll feel like an utter asshole and hold you tight to him. He'll pet your hair, rub your back, even offer to let you smack him for being such a jerk. He may try to nibble your neck over kiss you until you start to giggle then give you his signature smile.

"There she is. I'm sorry I made you so sad, baby girl."

In all honesty this isn't a common occurrence. Marko still rarely ever gets mad at you, most of the time he's very laid back. So losing his temper is a bit jarring for him as well. He's never sure what will come out when he loses his temper, which is a huge reason why he does everything he can to keep himself in check. You may be a pain in the butt sometimes, but so can he. And above all, you're his pain in the butt. He still loves you more than anything at the end of the day.

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a-sleepy-reader · 3 years

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Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: an Analysis and Review

Foreword

Trigger warning for themes of paedophilia, sexual assault, stillbirth, manipulation, violence, and tragedy as well as gruesome descriptions of death. If you want a review free of spoilers, please scroll to the section labelled ‘Conclusion/Review without spoilers.’

Introduction

Calling Lolita a controversial novel is a safe bet. Some readers revolt at its topic, others still protest it as the inspirational romance of the century. Both give Lolita a bad name. I will say it once very clearly; plot-wise, Lolita is a book about a paedophile who grooms, manipulates, isolates, and rapes a twelve year old girl. It is disturbing subject material to say the least, subject material that has to be given more thought than its protagonist’s ramblings of adoration for the book’s namesake.

For instance, despite its fluctuating reputation, Lolita has found itself to be a playful and humorous novel to many, a “...comedy of horrors” according to the San Francisco Chronicle. So what is Lolita, exactly? A comedy? A thriller? Both? It is time to examine this twisted novel and see just how tangled its thorns are.

Plot synopsis

Humbert Humbert is a typical man by most standards: a handsome, French writer and professor with a soft spot for road trips… and little girls.

Humbert categorises the sexes into the male, the female, and the nymphet, the latter of which describes peculiar young girls Humbert feels an intangible attraction to. It is with such a nymphet that Humbert self-describingly falls in love with; rambunctious twelve-year-old Dolores(whom he dons ‘Lolita). He cannot keep his mind off of her; ‘light of my life, fire of my loins.’ In however poetic a prose he may choose to describe it, Humbert feels a physical bond to young Dolores like to no one else since his dead childhood sweetheart. Humbert goes so far to pursue the girl that he marries her mother, whom he plots to drown in the blue depths of a lake to have Dolores all to himself. However, what Humbert describes as a work of fate led to the day Dolores’ mother’s brain lay strewn about the road, smeared by an incoming car. She didn’t need to be subject to Humbert’s schemes to die.

From there on, Humbert has legal custody over the twelve-year-old fire of his loins. Raping Dolores becomes a routine. Though she does initially say yes, she is a minor incapable of consent in the imbalance of a grown man with everything to lose if she is to either escape or stop the affair; she will lose her only family if she reports him, and risks breaking his heart if she cuts off the affair altogether-unfortunates only know what people do when they have nothing to lose. Orphaned and trapped, Lolita agrees to Humbert’s ‘love.’ As he described it, ‘she had nowhere else to go.’

Two years pass before Dolores falls ill during their second road trip and is taken out of the hospital by an uncle aware of Humbert’s affairs. By way of escaping with this newfound relative, Dolores is finally free from Humbert’s possessive grasp. Depressed by his separation from the girl, Humbert lives a miserable life for several years before receiving a letter from Dolores herself saying she is married and pregnant. Though Humbert suspects the man behind both titles is her own uncle, Dolores refutes this by saying that, though she was in love with him, they did not settle because she refused to be in his pornographic film.

Enraged with the uncle, Humbert arrives at Dolores’ uncle’s house and murders him before being arrested. It is here that we learn Lolita is Humbert’s autobiography of the events surrounding his ‘love’ for the book’s namesake. Though he wishes for the girl-turned-woman to live for a great many years, the victim, escapee, and survivor dies in 1952 during childbirth. Her offspring is a stillborn.

Analysis

It’s a curious thing, really. That so many interpret Lolita as a romance, I mean. Of course, it often presents itself in its writing as a summery romance to read on the beach. A handsome man meets a female. An attraction is felt. Male and female confess an attraction for one another which leads them on a series of road trips following the female’s mother’s incidental death. The language is no exception to this tone-just read the first paragraph:

“Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta.”

It’s made up of beautiful, flowery sentences, language suggestive of the pure romance of a man ‘in love.’ With a twelve year old girl he rapes. Yes, Lolita is one of those novels that wears many outfits, its outermost lining being that of a tragic love story of one traumatised man and his ungrateful lover. This perspective is especially interesting when taking into account Lolita’s exquisite writing; could the flowery language have prompted so many to interpret this book as a romance? Could Lolita be representative of how so many wield words to distract or deceive those trying their best to disapprove of them? Either way, few deny that Humbert is lying, to himself or to the reader, of exactly how the events of his fascination with Dolores occurred. Digging further into the book, Lolita becomes an unreliable narrator’s documentation of the rape and manipulation directed toward a naive minor trying to cope with her mother’s death. Further still, it is a comedic satire of a paedophile’s attempts to justify his crimes... and failing miserably. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I wasn’t even her first lover.” Deeper still and it’s one man’s search for his childhood sweetheart(dearest and deadest) he never finished loving, so he seeks, endlessly, to shower her lookalikes with unwanted ‘love.’ Without end. Without fulfilment.

Lolita is a story of infinite stories.

Review

What first struck me about Lolita was its beautiful writing; its eloquent prose, imagery, and metaphors hopelessly hooked me from the first paragraph. Nabokov never ceases to use amazing similes, description, and personification to amplify the reader’s experience of the goings-on of Humbert and the girl. This is especially striking in contrast to its tragic subject material; Humbert will rape, and he will manipulate, and he will scheme a murder, and he will hurt so many innocent lives, but he will do so with seemingly effortless grace in the scribbles on a paper.

Despite this, I did not find Lolita to be a difficult read regarding comprehension of the text. True, many a word I did not understand, but, despite this, I could always tell what was being communicated; the language is certainly not as dated as Hemingway nor Shakespeare. It may even be a calming read for those with a strong stomach, and will certainly teach a thing or two to those wishing to learn more about poetic writing styles done well.

Some may find the book to be lacking in terms of plot and overall excitement, but I feel this is a subjective view rather than a relatively factual one; Lolita is not an action book. Nor is it a drama. Humbert sometimes spends pages describing the exact locations of a road trip, or exactly how he earned money in the 50’s, and so forth. Some may find this mundane; I will admit that I was, at times, bored by it myself. However, what Nabokov sacrifices in brevity he makes up for with a profound understanding of Humbert’s emotions, environment, and thoughts.

One slight criticism I do, however, have, is that I found all of the characters in Lolita were fairly bland for me. True, Humbert is unique in his attempt to beautify the macabre, but beyond the initial shock factor of his morale and the revelation that he is seeking the love of a girlfriend from his childhood, Humbert can be mostly summarised as ‘quiet, manipulative, scheming, and possessive of Dolores.’ I was not invested in him as a character, probably due to a lack of good qualities within him; it is true that by one perspective, his story can be interpreted as tragic for him, though through the more common lens of Lolita being a 336-page manipulation of the severity of the atrocities of an evil man, Humbert loses all good qualities beyond his capabilities as a writer.

The same goes for Dolores herself, as I found her to be fairly two-dimensional; she is very sensory and seeks goods of food and adventure and she has a rambunctious heart unconcerned with how others’ feel nor how others perceive her. She is what many would call a ‘wild child,’ and though she becomes more withdrawn later in the book due to the numerous abuses she endured, I did not see much depth to her beyond face value.

That being said, I certainly do not think the characters are bad, just that they are underwhelming in comparison to the rest of the story.

I recommend Lolita to those enthralled by character-driven stories of nuanced emotions and traumas, a sort of story of the broken attempting to break the whole. If you are not put off by very thorough descriptions nor by a purposefully thin plot, I have the impression Lolita will revolt, horrify, hypnotise, and seduce its readers into its soft, macabre pages.

I give Lolita a rating of 90%.

Conclusion/Review without spoilers

Lolita is a vile, endlessly layered story of trauma and the endless search for lost love, horrific abuses, of humorous wit and smirking irony, and of one man’s endless destiny of deceit. I suppose Humbert’s own initials best summarise the smile and wink this book will deliver as you holler at Humbert, weep for Dolores, or perhaps even vice versa. They do say Russians are witty, and Nabokov does not fail this reputation even when we analyse how Humbert Humbert’s initials sound in the author’s native language:

Ha-ha.

#literature #books #classics #book review

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years

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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

#ask #anon #taylor #mine

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asgardianthot · 4 years

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Hunting Season (sambucky) – Part 3

Series Masterlist

A/N: I know I promised this update over a week ago, and I’m sorry it took so long:/ I’ve felt really down for the past few days, I’m having a hard time with online classes and with my lack of serotonin lol. This was not my greatest week and I suspect it’s got to do with the quarantine. I know a lot of us are having a hard time coping with everything and it can be very stressful and draining. We’re all struggling to find the energy to do what we love, and *not* seizing our free time to create or be productive can make us feel very frustrated or disappointed – I just want you to know it’s okay to seize your free time to just rest, even if you haven’t done anything exhausting per se. Emotional draining is part of the global situation, and you have every right to simply exist. People are dying or losing loved ones – I think existing is more than enough right now.

Words: 3106

Summary: A shitty guy has entered the chat. You know who.

Bedtime had come, and Sam followed Bucky to their assigned room. It was, apparently, the one he had been using ever since he and Rebecca were old enough to stop sharing bunk beds. When Rumlow came into the picture, the family allowed the jolly couple to share the queen-sized bed. Hence, that was the set-up for Sam and Bucky.

"Yeah, I forgot to mention." Bucky apologized as they shut the door behind them.

The entire house seemed to have gone silent at that time of the night, making them feel like they should speak in a lower tone than usual.

"It's fine." Sam brushed it off while he kicked off his shoes near the door.

"Nah, man, I can sleep on the divan." Bucky shook his head, "I'll go get some blankets."

The last thing he wanted was to put Sam in any more uncomfortable situations. He was already in the most uncomfortable position anyone could ask of their friend, and Bucky felt guilty every single second of their stay, which had only lasted for less than a day so far.

"Dude, it's fine." Sam insisted, "Not like we've never shared a bed before."

Although they effectively had spent a number of after-parties in the same bed or the same couch, this setup felt a lot more intimate, somehow. Maybe it was the silk sheets, or the elegant shade of white which adorned the room, or the dim nightstand lights that made it all feel so cozy. Maybe it had to do with the fact that that's how boyfriends sleep, and them having to pretend to have that dynamic. Still, Sam wouldn't agree to Bucky's solution.

"Yeah, but it's seven nights." Bucky reminded him with a wince.

"If I get tired of you I'll send your ass to the divan." Sam ended the topic with that, stretching his arms to communicate his deep need of going to bed already, "I just wanna get some sleep, it's been a long* day."

Bucky snorted, "I told you." He smirked as he opened his bag to find his pajamas.

Sam sat on the edge of the bed. He had, in fact, agreed to this insanity. Clues and riddles and family drama and money*. He was there to help his best friend through a tough time, and that was his primary concern, but if he ever got too tired of the Barnes' crap, he could always remember the gold at the end of the rainbow. He let a loud sigh, almost like he was finally dropping off the weight of the 'boyfriend' act, and allowing himself to look exhausted. He dramatically dropped to the bed on his back.

"Two millions, right?" he raised an eyebrow at Bucky.

The appellee nodded, "Two millions."

Day 2

One of the many responsibilities the Barnes family had was continuously being good guests, which meant inviting relatives and neighbors and co-workers to spend a day or two in the lake house. Most of them had their own vacation residence nearby, or were vacation-buddies who could hop on their boats and grab lunch with the Barnes. Only a few guests would actually join the house accommodations and spend time with them. It was the case of a friend of Nana, one of Colin's co-workers, Aunt Ida's new boyfriend and distant cousin who would be spending the night, according to what Winnifred said during breakfast.

Sam had a hard time processing the fact that they had all that extra room for futile acquaintances; in fact, he very subtly lashed out at Bucky for allowing his family to set their staff in small bedrooms behind the kitchen when he had such luxuries. Bucky, head hanging low at the empty breakfast table, explained that even if he had Sam's revolutionary momentum and eloquence, his parents would never listen. 'I'm actually the last person who could change their entitled, outdated mentality', was the exact finishing sentence.

Sam once again got that sour reminder that he had to portray something for Bucky's parents. He had to pretend to be okay with the way Winnifred spoke to the maid through hand gestures instead of polite words. He had to pretend to act like he knew what the hell those big New York impresarios were talking about during the first tray of appetizers. Hell, he didn't even know that appetizers came in successions and that those successions were called 'trays', until now.

Most importantly, and at the moment Sam was standing in that big yard with freshly cut grass and a lake view, he had to pretend to belong. He had to walk among senior citizens with more money than they could spend in the few years they had left, young folk who looked like they had too much access to their daddy's bank accounts, and women who spoke exactly like Winnifred, as if different tones or voice inflexions belonged to a lesser class. Sam had to meet them all, and he had to act like he didn't feel as foreign as he'd ever felt.

"You're a saint, Sam." Bucky sneaked up on him and spoke in his ear, standing behind the lost man, "You can stop greeting wealthy dinosaurs now."

Sam realized he had done more than what was asked of him, and so, he dropped his shoulders in retreat. He turned around and gifted Bucky one tired smile.

"You okay?" the latter grabbed his shoulder tenderly, with concern, "This was too much, wasn't it? You should've called in sick like I-"

"I'm not traumatized by rich people, Bucky." Sam rolled his eyes, "I'm dating you, 'member?"

The verb caught Barnes by surprise, until he immediately remembered he meant the farce they were putting up for the family. However, during that millisecond of doubt, it felt like Sam was implying something with a double meaning that Bucky wasn't entirely sure disturbed him. In other words, he felt like Sam was flirting, but obviously, he was quickly reminded of the situation.

"I was just thinking what my mama would have said in a place like this." Sam confessed with a soft laughing tone.

The image was pretty funny. In the few times Bucky had spent time with Darlene, he was overly captivated by her strong personality. She was so caring, just like her son, but patience and subtlety weren't her strong suit.

"She would have been so... justifiably rude to all of them." Bucky dared to guess.

Sam chuckled, "Yeah."

"Would've ruined the mood for everybody." Bucky joined in the loud laughter.

The two were still smiling to themselves when Bucky's mom and Rebecca approached them, both holding cocktails in their hand.

"Whatcha talking about, lovebirds?" Rebecca teased them.

As much as she knew she couldn't raise the curtain to their farce, out of love for her brother, but also because engaging in a hassle like that one would take her out. That didn’t mean she couldn’t make this the most annoying family holiday Bucky had ever had.

"Mind your business." He replied dryly.

"James." The sibling’s mother reprimanded Bucky’s rudeness.”

"I was just messing around, ma’am." Sam jumped in his defense, effectively stopping the potential fight. "I'm not used to so much... elegance."

"You mean all these old and dull people in fancy clothes?" the woman suggested her own disappointment regarding her guests, and nodding happily when she noticed Sam’s surprised grin. "Trust me, lots of us have a hard time adjusting to them."

"Some of us think we shouldn't adjust, but the other way around." Rebecca reproached, which earned her a single head tilt from her less confrontational mother.

Wilson took the opportunity to be the lovable, polite boyfriend, "Are you having trouble with these men too, Ms. Barnes?" he asked with a gracious smile that accentuated his cheekbones.

"I wouldn't call it trouble." She, expectedly, diminished her statement to avoid being interpreted as discontent.

Rebecca gave up on the eye-rolling to start using an annoyed, distant glare. As much as she had always been closest to her mother than Bucky ever had been, their ways of dealing with their life and other people were very different, along with their worldviews.

"They're bigots, big surprise." The young woman used a rude sarcastic tone, yet got no reaction from her Winnifred, who was now decided in de-aggravating the topic of conversation.

"Our friends tend to be on the conservative side.” She said before waving her hand in her own defense, “Don't get me wrong, I'm no liberal."

Bucky snorted, "No one was thinking that, mom."

Sam merely pressed his lips together in order to stop a smirk from becoming too visible.

"But lots of them are very behind time.” Winnifred continued nonetheless, “Treating their wives like housemaids, interrupting me..."

The irony was so palpable, all three younger characters could barely conceal their own personalized expressions, which varied from shock to laughter, because Winnifred Barnes treated her housemaids like lesser humans and interrupted everyone. Sam gave Rebecca a look, which she replied with a nod that implied ‘I know’. She then drew a zip line across her mouth for him to drop it.

It had also been Winnifred herself who stood by George when Rebecca went to a Women's March with her friends and the married couple believed it to be 'too dangerous' because who knows what kind of people can be in a march! Giving credit where credit was due, however, Winnifred had her daughter's back when a family friend grabbed her butt in her sixteenth birthday, and Rebecca, being the strongly voiced person that she’s always been, let everyone know ‘what kind of perverts his father hung out with’.

"Yes, they’re keen on the rich male supremacy around here.” Rebecca sighed, unable to keep listening to her mom pretend to know what she was talking about, and willing to change the subject to go back to bullying her brother, “It's a bummer. So, guys..."

"Oh." Winnifred suddenly said, fixating her eyes on something in particular, past her company.

"What?"

The three followed Winnifred’s view and found a man most of them recognized perfectly. The dark hair gelled back, the expensive but tasteless clothes, and the way he stood his ground like he owned it. It was a look that had once enamored Bucky, but it seemed more like a horrible nightmare right now.

As soon as Sam noticed James’ breath hitch and his face freeze, Sam knew that it was Brock Rumlow. He had only seen the devil through social media pictures, and he wasn’t very recognizable from afar, but the reaction it brought Bucky was hard to miss.

Apparently, Rebecca was even more upset than Sam about the man’s presence.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" she let out with deep rage.

"Rebecca!" her mother prioritized the lady’s manners over the downright astonishing situation.

Rebecca ignored it, "Who invited him?" she whisper-shouted.

"I believe it was your uncle Teddy.” As soon as the woman realized everyone’s stare in reaction to her nonchalant way of speaking, she placed a hand on her son’s arm, “He didn't know, James. What was he supposed to do? Un-invite him?"

"I'm lost. Why is he here?" Sam cut in.

"Oh, don’t worry about him, Samuel!” She gave him a very inappropriate smile for the occasion, “He's a family friend. His father and George are business buddies."

Sam realized he had missed a big part of the information. He knew Bucky had met Rumlow through family contacts, and that they have known of each other’s existence for a couple of years before they actually got to know each other. What he had no idea of, was the close relationship between the Barnes and Rumlow fathers. Had he known, he would have expected the ex-boyfriend to show up, but judging by his fake boyfriend’s state, Bucky wasn’t expecting it either. Probably because he was underestimating Brock’s maliciousness and hoping he wouldn’t invade his space.

Sam spoke directly to Bucky, using a calming tone, "You wanna go somewhere else?" he offered an out.

Unfortunately, before Bucky could reply, Rumlow saw him and began walking directly to him.

Bucky took a sharp breath, "Too late now."

Nobody said a word until Brock joined them.

"Ma'am.” He politely nodded in Winnifred’s direction, then turned to his former partner with a false smile, “James. Care for a walk?"

Bucky knew he was speaking a lot more formally than usual, because Winnifred was there. Care for a walk was just a fancy way of spitting out ‘let’s talk’, and Bucky despised that offer with every fiber of his being, but he wasn’t able to respond. His tongue was tied. He clenched his jaw, feeling powerless, and was rescued by Sam, who extended his hand.

"Samuel Wilson.” He gave Brock a big, play-pretend grin, “And you are...?"

It wasn’t a surprise that Rumlow was being rude, as he had been ignoring Sam and Rebecca’s presence like they weren’t even there.

"Brock Rumlow." He shook the man’s hand.

When Sam dropped his hand away from Rumlow’s, he took Bucky’s in his, as a painfully obvious demonstration of their romantic involvement. Brock lowered his eyes towards the intertwined fingers and bit the inside of his cheek, before nodding with a partially amused expression on his face.

"I take it you're..." Brock tempted, earning an affirmative look from Sam, "And I take it you know who I am."

Wilson tilted his head, "You just told me, you're Brock."

"This doesn't have to be awkward.” The unwelcome man smiled, glancing at Winnifred to make sure she approved of his manners, but even she kept looking away, “We both know James and I-"

"Look, Brock.” Wilson cut him off, “Nobody here really cares. Do you care, love?" He asked Bucky.

Bucky couldn’t help but smirk at Sam’s successful act, "Irrelevant." He agreed.

"Unless... it matters to you, Brock.” Sam frowned sadly, putting up the most condescending act he had ever pulled, “In that case, I'm sorry if this is painful."

If looks could talk, Rumlow’s would have stated a very easy ‘fuck you’.

"We'll see ourselves out, actually. Nice to meet you." He said, then turned away.

Bucky gifted his ex a fake host smile, "Have a good one."

As soon as the couple went back inside the house, Bucky let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He murmured grateful words as the noise of the gathering outside became muffled, and Sam squeezed his hand, which he was still holding. As a matter of fact, they didn’t let go of each other for a while.

"I brought us some food." Sam announced when he reached the top of the stairs.

Bucky had hid himself in the small living room which welcomed guests to the second floor. He was sitting on the couch, watching crappy TV, avoiding the large amount of people talking downstairs.

"You sneaked lunch up here?" He asked with surprise.

"Yes, Bucky, I stole two plates of crab risotto and an apple sorbet.” Sam mocked his naivety with sarcasm, “I made sandwiches in the kitchen, you doofus."

Bucky usually felt less than Sam at many things. Sam was smarter, he was resilient, he was hardworking and he was happier than him, most of the times. Seeing Sam in his messed up world only fomented that, because Sam was a fish out the water among the Barnes and their guests, and still, he glowed brighter. He was better than anyone Bucky had grown up with, and certainly better than himself. That’s why Sam had probably asked the kitchen staff if he could bother them for a second while he made two sandwiches, and he probably talked to them the entire time, and he probably let them speak longer than he did because he didn’t want to seem rude.

Bucky just knew that’s what he had done, while, if he were by himself, he probably would have skipped lunch and snacked on leftovers later, when no one was looking.

"What did I do to deserve you?" he sighed, receiving the plate Sam had prepared him.

The appreciation made Sam feel fuzzy. As much as he loved helping Bucky because he was his best friend, he never wanted Bucky to depend on his help. And yet, this time, he liked the idea of being needed by him.

He shook off the idea and sat on the couch, "That's a good question."

"I think God sent you when he saw how shitty everyone else in my life is."

Wilson laughed, shifting closer to Bucky’s and taking a big bite of his sandwich.

"Becca ain't so bad.” He remarked with his mouth full, “She comes around eventually."

"Yeah, she does." James agreed, thinking of how protective the young woman had become as soon as she saw the man who hurt her brother.

"You ever get tired of getting all your parents' shit when you watch her get away with stuff?"

Bucky shrugged. "I'd do anything for her. And they already see me a certain way, might as well protect her from that."

Wilson smiled to him, a warm sensation taking over his chest, "You're really good to her."

As much as Barnes wanted to take the compliment, the exchange had become too intimate, and if there was one thing Bucky had been rejecting during the whole boyfriend act, was intimacy between them. He feared he might get confused.

"You trying to pamper me, Wilson?" he bumped Sam’s shoulder playfully.

The latter rolled his eyes, and they went back to the TV show on screen while they ate. A few minutes later, something was twirling around Sam’s head so heavily, that he had to speak out.

"Hey, uh... A bit of- a really foggy bit of what I said when I was blacked out might have come back to me." He told Bucky, avoiding eye-contact.

James knew exactly what that was. Sam had just seen Rumlow for the first time, which brought back a very specific part of the conversation they both had, but only Bucky remembered.

"You remembered shitting on Brock?" he raised an eyebrow, amused.

"I mean, I'm not sure, but I bet I didn't have anything nice to say about him."

"Nothing you hadn't said before." Bucky lied.

Sam most certainly had said some things about the ex-boyfriend that he had been keeping to himself, and only had the guts to let out while blackout drunk.

They sat back and switched the channels, finding a better movie to watch, ignoring the lunch party completely. Eventually, Bucky found himself laying on Sam's chest, sort of sided, but he was too comfortable to move away.

#sambucky #sambucky fanfiction #fake dating au #marvel fanfiction #sam/bucky #sam x bucky #sam wilson/bucky barnes #sam wilson x bucky barnes #tfatw #fatws #sambucky au #sambucky fluff #sambucky angst

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reiven2017 · 4 years

Text

From ridicule.

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Rachel winced at the acrid smell of her aunt's strong black coffee that reached the second floor. She had just left the room, the wall clock was ticking, and the time of the first school day after summer vacation was approaching, so she resisted the urge to go back and lock the door. Especially her cousin, Leila, very emphatically and eloquently made it clear that this year they really need to be on time. I think the only reason we've been late for the last couple of years is because of Leila.Fie. She didn't know why, but her hatred of coffee passed the mark of "Wipe off the face of the earth", but her aunt Alice liked this drink, so Raven, pulling something like a smile, quickly slipped into the guest room, ignoring the annoying stench. "Good morning, aunt." "Morning, honey. - Wow. She's got another new order, is that it? Rachel smiled softly, leaning her body against the bar, casting a warm glance across the room at the busy woman. - Exactly. another girl came in, hastily gathering her curly hair as she went, and pulling her jacket over one shoulder unsuccessfully in the process. Leila was a complete mess this morning, unlike Raven. Roth didn't like to sleep too long and had no problem getting up early, so she was always willing to go to school and try to look not only shittily beautiful, but also neat. Her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, her uniform was clean and ironed, and her ballet shoes were polished. From the very morning it was clear that today's day was more hectic than the rest of its brethren, and Raven suppressed a wave of laughter that was about to burst from her lips when Layla, cursing everything in her path, made it to the hallway without strangling herself with a tie. Wow. Is it going to snow today, or is it all-peaceful house day? Roth cast a skeptical glance at her cousin, and her face contorted into a puzzled expression for a moment. Rachel raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure what to see. Her cousin, who despised and resented a thousand taunts in the face of makeup-clogged girls, stood in front of the mirror and put on her lipstick with an awful precision. Pink. It is very pink. Wow. "What's that?" Rachel shot a sly glance at her cousin, and her face took on a cheeky grin. She had learned her cousin's words by heart, and even the slightest change in them gave her Cause for suspicion. Her curiosity snickered at the new victim. Oh, Yes, it's definitely going to snow today. "What do you mean?" Leila looked up from the mirror, giving Rachel a brief, too-brief glance, and then went back to her makeup bag. - You look at each other. Roth said casually, watching the girl with interest. "Um ... no...you're definitely imagining it. Layla applied another thick layer of mascara to her lashes and looked herself up and down in the mirror, then winked at herself with satisfaction. OI-Wei. This is something new. Leila's self-esteem was bordering on narcissism. She had always considered herself beautiful without makeup. And so it was. The girl was tanned and pumped up. She had shown some promise in volleyball, playing for the Gotham Academy team, when Rachel preferred quiet reading in the library. She had a wild and passionate temper, and her brown eyes were full of devils. Leila could show off her ample bust size, forcing her to swallow the poison of her classmates and swallow the drool of guys. So the last person in their family who needed arithmetic was Rachel. The satanic-looking gray Rachel Roth. She wasn't a very thin girl, but you couldn't call her fat, either, but her cousin had assured her that she had a Golden mean, or whatever that might mean, so RAE had long ago given up on her appearance and just let people think she was weird with her purple hair and big purple eyes. Roth continued to stare at Leila, noticing that she was wearing a much shorter skirt and blouse with a much more expressive neckline. Now Rachel could call her usual dark skirt, just above her knees, a nun. Leila snorted, looking up from the mirror and irritably switching her attention to her Mouth. - So. Stop being detective shit, ray. after a pause, she added. "And look at me like that." "But you certainly don't look your usual self today." Is something going to happen? Rachel protested softly, trying not to press her cousin any further, and her lips curled into a tender smile. She left her mug on the table, kissed her aunt good-bye, and went into the hall, putting on a warm coat. "It's just that your sister, Rachel, wants to impress a guy...and it's really, wow. Alice muttered in a monotone, her eyes still fixed on the tablet. - Maman! Leila exclaimed, casting a murderous glance at the woman. The corners of Rachel's mouth twitched in a playful smile as she looked at her cousin's stunned face. She was scurrying into the corridor, trying to get out of the mother-daughter battle as quickly as possible, when the smithy gave her one of those withering looks. - It is not something to be ashamed of, Lalaila. the girl clucked in exasperation and frowned, folding her arms over her chest as she stared at Alice. "You know I hate it when you call me that." - You also know that I don't like it when you call me maman. Rachel giggled softly into her jacket sleeve, pulling her headphones out of her pocket, and walked calmly to the Academy.

Roth was sifting through a textbook in the school locker when a green-haired boy came into view. Oh, no, Garfield Logan. The main school athlete and known for his adventures among girls about little to great, playboy. He was older than her by a year and had a brilliant reputation and fame, girls hung around his neck and were ready to get into his pants at every opportunity, but he surprised everyone a year ago with his interest in Rachel. This became the most enviable topic of discussion for a month and the most important problem for the Company. The girl was never interested in him and did not understand what he found in her. Hey liked the quiet and the old library, and he needed someone who liked football and loud parties. Well, or at least someone who understood football. She didn't particularly like the way people started treating her. That is, some spat at her back, others tried to curry favor. But no matter how much trouble Logan brought, she gave him what he wanted, though not exactly what he expected. They began to communicate without crossing the boundaries of friendship at the whim of Rachel. But Garlfield became more insistent with each passing month, and no longer seemed to share the line between them. Of course, Rachel was ironically or ill-fated pure and innocent, kind and all the cells in her body believed that there was nothing wrong with being patient and giving Gar minutes of happiness when he accidentally called her his girlfriend, or hugged her shoulders. She rolled her eyes dejectedly and closed the door with a soft creak, turning her attention to the guy. Rachel hoped there wasn't an irritated look on her face and Logan wouldn't notice. - Gar...hi. the frown on his face puzzled her, and she arched a questioning brow. "Is something wrong?" "Why are you avoiding me, ray?" his voice was low and his obvious displeasure slipped through him like a thin ribbon. He did not take his gaze from her Mouth as the girl momentarily faded away. What do you mean by that? More precisely, what do you expect to hear from me Guarlford? That you, I'm sorry, got tired of following me around last year, huh!? Swallowing the words that were about to fall from her lips and fall on him, Rachel straightened up and gave him one of her sweetest smiles. No. Garfield is a sweet and kind boy and he doesn't deserve such disrespect from you, Raven. "No, I'm not avoiding you. You know me, first day of school and all that, the joy of meeting the library and that dam, I'm in a trance. a wistful expression crossed Logan's face as he scanned her for signs of deception. Rachel was nervous. Panic ran through her veins. Lying had never been one of her strengths, and she knew it. She was about to say something in her own defense when Gar burst out laughing, throwing his head back. "You should have seen your face, ray. he quieted his laughter and straightened up beside her, hands in his pockets.- Exhale, I know what you are in ahuya from school and do not get mad at the lack of your attention. - too freaked out? The boy arched his eyebrows and cast a playful glance at his Mouth. Rachel rolled her eyes at his advances. - I'm sure you survived it. she gave him a soft smile again, moving down the hall toward the classroom as Logan settled in next to her. Well of course. "How was your vacation?" I heard you and Lailai left of Gotham? "no," he said casually, keeping pace with her. Rachel thought for a moment as all sorts of thoughts raced through her mind. How did he know they were leaving? No, where he could have found out. Nervousness slowly crept up on her and She swallowed the lump of irritation in her throat, glancing briefly at his innocent face before turning her attention back to her shoes. - Cbms...we went to San Francisco. It was quite fun. the vagueness of the answer didn't seem to bother him, and Logan whistled happily. "Wow, so San Francisco?" I envy you with the blackest envy. - No need, I think you had a great time, too? she raised a quizzical brow, making her look interested. "You're always right, ray. Although I didn't bask in the sun, my vacation in Gotham was great. - next, followed by a cheerful and very energetic, filled with delight chatter about his sporting achievements in the summer and about what a new car his parents gave him. Class. Raven nodded politely when he paid attention to her in the intervals of his bowing and assiduous chatter, when he tried to praise himself and the car as much as possible. Roth stifled a laugh. Oh, Yes, he wouldn't die of modesty. By the time they reached the classroom, his inexhaustible supply of words and energy had evaporated, and Gar scratched his head nervously. "Listen, Ray. Roth turned her full attention to him, watching him with the eyes of a DOE. His nervousness increased and he tried to hide it behind a high-pitched smile. "This Friday, Jackson is having a party at his house and you would...maybe we could go there together. before she could react, Raven collided with a man coming out of the classroom. More precisely, they ran out of the classroom. She swayed, trying to balance not only herself, but the books in her hands, as a strong, large hand rested firmly on her waist, holding her in place. She raised her eyes to the stranger and met his gaze for a moment, frozen by the shock of electricity in her veins as the amazing emerald eyes stared back at her.

#Damian Wayne #damirae #demonbirds #raven #fanfic

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