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primaviva · 8 months

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ICKS

PAIRINGS: gwen stacy, miles morales (42 included) hobie brown, pavitr prabhakar, miguel o’hara x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: things that give the teens and adults major icks from their girlfriends and crushes.

WARNINGS: mentions of toxic traits within relationships such as controlling behavior, privacy and boundary violations, etc. also not proof read !!

— GWEN STACY

to start, gwen is pretty easy going so it would take a lot for her to get the ick from her girlfriend or a girl she likes

PRIVACY: gwen wants her privacy and she will definitely start grimacing at you when you don’t respect her need for alone time or give her space when she wants.

this is like a definite turn-off for her and a major ick because she wants someone who will support her even from a distance and if you keep tryna force her out of her time alone… yeah you gotta go in her mind

TERRITORIAL: it’s not that gwen doesn’t like a jealousy moment. if she sees you death staring at someone who’s looking at her or tryna flirt with her while you’re right next to her because she loves when you get all sassy or jealous. she finds it cute.

buuuut that’s completely different from toxic jealousy like borderline territoriality. gwen does not want someone on her case 24/7. she will get the ick if she notices you constantly blowing up her phone. gwen has a life that she balances outside of being ghost spider and if you are spamming her texts when she just wants to hang w her friends and not you just for a moment then congrats cus she’s sticking her tongue out turning green ICK!!

EFFORT: gwen wants her partner to be motivated and just try for things instead of doing the bare minimum or something close to that.

example. if you wear sweats to dates or just basic outfits that look like you don’t care or show up a mess and you don’t have a real reason for it. she gets that life can be hard and she’s had a fair share of just putting on clothes for the sake of getting dressed. however, if you just do that just cus you don’t care you will have her so irritated. gwen is a fashion girl and is always trying to look good and attractive to you when she gets dressed for dates and if you always showing up lookin like adam sandler for the murder mystery movie premiere then i'm sorry but it’s not gonna work for her at all

“how did i come dressed in multiple layers of clothing and jewelry but you somehow, someway came to the conclusion to wear a soccer moms everyday work clothes? you can’t be doing this to me.”

RESPECT: gwen does not want a girlfriend who’s gonna act all high maintenance or try to make her do things she doesn’t want. if you’re always trying to change her or peer pressure her to do stuff that isn’t her personality she will start getting mad at you

example. she tells you that she isn’t comfortable with obvious pda yet you try to kiss her in public anyway

if you don’t respect how she feels as an equal then she can't be with with you it’s that simple

LEGALITY AND MORALITY: gwen wouldn’t be able to deal with someone who breaks the law that’s not for the good of others or does things they shouldn’t be doing. she would get the ick if her girlfriend smoked, did drugs, shoplifted, etc.

she would not get the ick per say just from seeing you smoke but gwen’s dad raised her by the book and she wouldn’t feel too comfortable being with her girlfriend or crush who does stuff she was raised to say is bad

unless you smoke or do other things for stress relief, she would be understanding but still try and get you out of it just for your own sake. but if you do stuff just to do it then it’s a bit of a dealbreaker for her. gwen will not have a girlfriend who’s face is posted on the door of fine fare cus she was caught shoplifting paper plates

MUSIC: this really isn’t an ick but if you have music taste she deems bad… and that’s gonna take a lot considering that gwen listens to everything but country like you would have to be born and raised in ohio for her to get the ick because of your playlists

and this wouldn’t be a deal breaker because she would gladly put you on with songs but if you disrespect her taste in music like that may be her third biggest turn-off after privacy and respect.

if you have even one country song on the playlist she might start violently convulsing

she’s a drummer so rock and alternative music is rooted in her passion so if her girl didn’t like her music taste or her bands music she would struggle a bit…. a lot

and if we talk about ICKS she can’t even say anything because she probably chews with her mouth open and gets her hands dirty cus this woman eats fast food crazy. she would hate it if you said cringe stuff in like a non satire way like if she caught you saying sum like “not in my christian minecraft server”

“babe, it’s 2023… not 2018 so don’t make me break up with you, okay?”

to summarize, gwen icks at if her girlfriend or crush doesn’t like her music taste because she can’t deal with someone who doesn’t appreciate something she’s passionate about, she doesn’t want someone who is overly clingy and controlling of her whereabouts especially if you don’t know she’s spiderwoman or she’s just wants to hang with her friends, she needs someone who will respect her privacy and her boundaries, she doesn’t want someone who she knows her dad will not like for their bad actions, and she wants someone who tries just as hard as her in what they do.

— HOBIE BROWN

hobie is another one where it’s hard to give him the ick

BOUNDARIES: he doesn’t want someone who is overly clingy or attached to his side. hobie wants his partner to have their own life and he can recognize when it’s unhealthy that two people in a relationship are closing themselves off to their friends for the sake of being together every moment. this also goes hand in hand with if all you want to do is has sex with him because to him, it’s more than just a high libido but you’re just using him physically. and don’t get him wrong he is just fine with a partner with a high libido but a constant demand for sex… he’s gonna raise an eyebrow.

“can ya like not try and claw my clothes right off for a minute? damn.”

but if he tells you something and you do it anyway it’s a total ick for him when he gives you something you’re supposed to respect but don’t.

example. if he asked for time alone to be absorbed in his own music cus it’s what he needs and you ignore it to do the exact opposite… very off-putting and weird to him

COMMUNICATION: communication is very important to hobie. he thinks it’s very important that partners comunícate their issues to each other or else it just leads to problems along the way

that being said, hobie hates it when you don’t tell him something. not in the sense that something happened to you and you won’t open up about it because he would never force that information out of you. however, if something is wrong and you just choose not to tell him? he absolutely hates that. it would just hurt him if you didn’t trust him to speak your mind or feel comfortable enough, especially since he’s always there for you

he will hate it even more when you lie to him like that’s a borderline deal breaker if you are constantly lying or doing half lies

IMMORAL: he doesn’t want somebody who has a bad moral compass and chooses to do bad things. and bad things don’t mean bad choices, it means someone who steals from others who are struggling themselves, someone who is rude to people for no reason, etc.

this is also related to if his girl is unfaithful as in if she flirts with others, entertains other guys or girls, and if she outright cheats or sleeps with someone else

this is a definite “you gots to go” situation

BORING: hobie is always tryna have fun and live in the moment and if the girl he likes or is dating can't do that then the relationship is doomed.

“ya gotta stop bein’ a downer on the mood doll. learn to live a little for once in yer life, yeah?”

by boring, i mean someone who can’t let loose and try to have fun. if you are super uptight, overly critical, or just don’t get his sense of humor or even have one then he’s gonna get the ick because he doesn’t want someone killing his vibe by taking everything too seriously or refusing to try and live a little

he also doesn’t want a drama queen like if you do way too much… yeah no

MUSIC: similar to gwen, if you don’t like his music taste he’s not sure if he will be able to continue the relationship

yes, this sounds like a big deal but you have to understand that music is a big part of his life and is one of his passions. it’s one thing to simply not be into rock and even that he’s iffy on, but for you to dislike it completely or drag it on? hobie wouldn’t be able to stand it

to summarize, hobie needs someone who’s gonna understanding his passion for music like him, he also doesn’t want someone who’s immoral and actively makes bad choices that they don’t need to, he also wants someone who can communicate to him as well as respects what he communicates back, and he desires someone who can match his energy

— MILES AND MILES G. MORALES

miles knows the type of people he wants around him so if he saw his girlfriend or crush doing any of these things he would definitely get the ick

MORALS: if you are objectively a bad person like just being mean for no reason, making offense joke (racism, transphobia, body image, etc) and passing it as your “sense of humor” or just literally anything where you are actively trying to disrupt someone’s peace he is literally fake vomiting at you

example. you see a girl wearing a perfectly fine outfit, not something crazy looking or anything, and make a rude comment involving her normal sense of style, body, looks, etc he is just turned all the way off

miles doesn’t want someone with an ego or someone who doesn’t show empathy for others so…ICK

NEEDY: miles wants a girl who is independent and has her own interests. so if his girlfriend or crush is always trying to hang out with him when he is trying to do his own thing or link with friends of his own but they won’t leave him alone? yeah it won’t work out.

he likes it when he knows his girl can take care of herself, even if he does like to play the protective role. but miles also knows that he has to balance life as a superhero, boyfriend, son, and friend to those around him and if you just make that more hard for him then he will get frustrated with the clinginess when he just wants to spend time with his loved ones. to an extent, he thinks a clingy girlfriend is cute! but overdoing it is just annoying and in a way takes away his own freedom to do things he wants.

example. his crush or girlfriend constantly trying to be next to him no matter what, especially in public when they are with friends or if they are both invited to a hangout and miles says he won’t go so his girl says she won’t go either just because he isn’t going (not because you know no one there, but only because miles isn’t doing it)

TRUST: trust is a big thing for miles. he wants to be vulnerable with his girlfriend and also be able to confide in her as well as get that same treatment back. if miles notices that you don’t have his back as much as you should, he will get a weird feeling from it but also very irritated because he feels he is there for you and as a girlfriend you should be giving the same energy back— if not more.

this also includes lying. miles hates it when you lie to him even if it’s a half lie or the “bended” truth. he takes it as a sign of dishonesty and that you may not be as loyal as he thought. he also counts lying as if you don’t tell him something and brush it off by saying everything is fine with you when it clearly isn’t.

“i don’t know why you saying you good when you clearly have a problem. you can talk to me, you know that right?”

it would physically kill him if you pulled a “well…” and then said nvm because that’s something he hates the most cus now he’s gonna be wondering what it was until you tell him. it will haunt him.

PRESSURE: miles doesn’t want to be pressured into doing things or guilt tripped. sometimes he doesn’t feel like going on a date or hanging out, but if you make him feel a certain way for choosing to be indoors and reading he will feel bad and force himself to do whatever you wanted to do. he doesn’t want that.

miles wants to feel comfortable in his relationship with you and doesn’t want to feel like he needs to conform to your needs and wants in fear that it will distort the idea you have of him. he doesn’t want to be taken away from his hobbies and interest that give him peace from the chaotic lifestyle he has, meaning that he really values his alone time to just be with himself.

DIRECTNESS: miles does not want to chase you and get down on his knees just for you to be honest or say how you feel. he also doesn’t what you to feel pressured but at the same time will get a little frustrated if you can’t open up to him even if he does understand. at the same time, miles doesn’t want you doing the silent treatment, playing mind games, or trying to make him jealous. that is one of his define icks because why are you purposely trying to ruin his mood and be petty?

BAD ATTITUDE: he hates it when you go out of your way to be disrespectful to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

example. his girlfriend or crush is rude to other people for the sake of looking “badass” while he tells you to just chill

and if you talk bad on your mama? if you just talk bad on your family when they don’t deserve it in general…it’s a definite ick because of how important his family is

example. if you have a mom or female guardian in your life and call them out of their name, make disrespectful comments, etc when they do simple things that annoy you instead of genuinely causing you distress or harm

“who gave you the audacity to talk about ya moms like that? she does a lot for you so you better chill with that. c’mon now she don’t deserve allat.”

it’s a major ick for him.

to summarize, miles wants a girlfriend that is there to support him whether it means being physically with him or allowing him the space he needs. he doesn’t want somebody who is going to stress him out on purpose, do things he doesn’t agree with morally, make him question his trust, and play with his feelings. AND RESPECT YOUR PARENTS.

— PAVITR PRABHAKAR

AFFECTION: pavitr is very physically affectionate and just shows his love very up-front. if he tries to hug you, hold your hand, or even touch you just a little and you give a almost disgusted reaction it definitely gives him the ick. and not in the sense that you are uncomfortable with physical touch, but if his girlfriend seems annoyed by him trying to show his love it definitely turns him off a little. not listening to him, not making an effort to talk to him, etc. it’s like when you go to hug someone and they try to close themself off mid hug and back away jus because…

example. pavitr laughs really hard at something his girlfriend says and goes to give her a playful touch but instead he sees her giving him a glare for laughing so loud before telling him to quiet down and backs away from his grasp

PESSIMISTIC: he doesn’t always expect you to be happy go lucky about life because if anyone knows that not every day is a happy one— it’s him. however, if you are constantly negative and bringing down happy moments for him or good news by the potential bad that can come from it or just always complaining? you’re basically killing his vibe and the last thing pavitr wants is to have a girlfriend that won’t be a energy vampire and will support him wanting to look on the bright side. he is spiderman after all it’s literally his job to give hope and he will try to inspire you but if he finds that his crush his continuously complaining or being negative when there is no need he will start to be turned off by the behavior.

he tries to start each day positive and be a light at the end of the tunnel for others who see him trying even after a bad day and if you aren’t with that you gotta go

“how come is it that every time something good is happening, your first thought is to say the worse thing that comes to mind? i think you may be struggling with something..”

BORING: this doesn’t mean boring in the sense that pavitr girlfriend or crush isn’t fun, but boring as in she tends to be lazy/a shut-in and doesn’t want to go out much. he is fine with staying in but he wants a girl who is gonna put just as much effort into seeing him as he is going to being the hopeless romantic he is. he definitely gets frustrated if you have a nonchalant attitude or don’t care about things because he feels like you should always work hard in what you do even when it comes to things in your personal life.

example. he wants to take you out but you rather stay inside and watch a movie even though you two haven’t went out in a while

EXES: this is a definite turn off if you talk about exes too much and not even in a way where you open up about possible trauma/hardships you endured but reminiscing certain times, discussing talking stages before you both got together, and such. he feels like if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t praise an ex person you were romantically affiliated with. he doesn’t just find it awkward, but also a little disrespectful and shameless to just do it in-front of him.

it also makes him feel insecure and overthink like, “there must be a reason she’s bringing this up.” he’ll also get irritated if he brings up that he finds it weird/rude and in response you basically downplay it.

DISORGANIZED: pavitr would hate if you had a messy room. he feels like peoples rooms and houses are a reflection of who they are, so if you’re messy? yeah, no. and i don’t mean the type of mess where you were busy and stuff has been moved around and not cleaned up yet, depression bed, but full on sloppy and borderline hoarding. he could not deal with that and i can imagine him beginning to frantically circle your room and offer you free assistance if it’s that bad.

“are you sure you’re gonna clean this later? and what does later mean to you because-“

to summarize, pavitr wants somebody who is gonna be on the same positive wavelength he is, tries to make the most out of every day, remains respectful and affectionate, and puts effort into how they carry themself.

— MIGUEL O’ HARA

BAD LISTENER: something that will turn this man off almost immediately is not being good at listening to him, comforting him, and everything that has to do with this man’s trauma. miguel wants somebody who is gonna be a shoulder to cry on even if he won’t actually cry often. he wants someone who is listen to him and just let him dump his thoughts without putting any of the weight on you. but if you’re bad a listening it’s definitely gonna get on his nerves.

example. miguel is venting to you about gabi and how he feels that he failed her as a father and protector but when he looks up to see your face, he notices you aren’t paying attention by how clouded your eyes look— almost as of you’re thinking of something else entirely.

if his girlfriend or someone he has romantic interest in did that, his heart would shatter and if he showed any sort of change in emotion on his face in the silence you could probably swear you hear the pieces hitting the ground. it’s very important to him to have someone to talk to because his group of people who support him has gotten shorter and shorter throughout the years.

JUDGMENTAL: miguel hates a know-it-all. he doesn’t want to open up to someone who he feels will be critical of what he likes, his hobbies, his lifestyle, his choices and mistakes, etc. he doesn’t want somebody who is going to make drama out of nothing and just play games with him by saying stuff just to get a rise out of him. will it work? yes. does he hate it and it gives him an ick that you’re trying to get him angry on purpose knowing how he is? absolutely.

CLINGY: he is a bit hesitant to physical touch even when being touch starved. miguel makes it very clear that he does not want to be overly attacked with affection or forced into being affection because he father eases his way into it and basically take things slow. however, if you try to pressure him into being physically affectionate or just cling to his side he will definitely get annoyed.

he wants you to respect when he wants space or time to himself, and you showing that support and allowing him that is basically a silent blessing to him.

POOR COMMUNICATION: communication is very important to miguel. and not communication in terms of talking to him regularly and he gets mad at you of you don’t talk to him, because while that can be the case sometimes if he notices you avoiding him, it’s more so about talking to him.

“you know, i feel like a babysitter talking to a noisy kid that still doesn’t know how to listen to when they’re being talk to.”

example. he notices you acting off and asks you about it but instead of saying a genuine answer you make up a lie or completely shrug it off, which prompts an argument because he confronts you for not talking to him

miguel would never force you to open up, but he also doesn’t want you to lie. if there is truly something wrong, he at least wants you to voice that instead of lying and saying everything is fine because it creates distrust and other underlying problems. a simple “i don’t want to talk about it” would keep him at ease and he would offer you anything to make you feel better. however, if you go out of your way to not communicate well with him especially during arguments than he will begin to get the ick

example. you and him get into an argument and after it you decide to ignore him which he views as childish and petty as it causes a rift between you two.

DIRECTNESS: similar to miles, miguel wants his girlfriend to be straightforward with how she feels. he doesn’t wish for her to sugarcoat things just to try and ease his mind because to him that feels like bending the truth and taking away a layer of what you really want to say. he doesn’t want you to be “childish” when addressing problems in the relationship and he will set you straight or he sees you acting this way while he’s trying to communicate with you.

but if he can’t persuade you the act different as well as handle things better and you can’t bother to change, that will be the end of the relationship to him. biggest ick of icks for him.

also random but he also as icks linked to the self image of his partner. he would be an angrier man if you had bad hygiene, kept apologizing 24/7, and doubted yourself most of the time similar to nice guys who are just self pitying. even if you aren’t self pitying… his reaction is still the same.

“ay mamita, have some dignity please.”

to summarize, miguel wants a partner who is going to support him no matter what he needs to do and to ground him. but he isn’t looking to keep someone around him who is constantly neglecting his emotional needs, critical of his personal experiences, making his life harder by disrespecting boundaries and not wanting to communicate with him, and ultimately doing too much than needed.

DO NOT STEAL, COPY, OR TRANSLATE MY WORK. ALL WRITING IS @PRIMAVIVA.

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boreal-sea · 4 months

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Yeah people that are interested in stuff exclusively like Lolita or pedophilia fiction definitely don't have an interest in those things and doesn't say anything to their character that that's what they're into in reality at all. Nope just crazy that projecting things onto fiction isnt indicative of inner character at all or a way to explore those things. Certainly wouldnt enable people into making those things real.

You're a joke and a clown.

You have no idea if they have an interest in those things IRL. You have no idea if it's enabling or not. You are listening to your knee-jerk feelings and trusting your disgust about something you don't understand and you are not thinking with your head.

I like noncon in fic. I like rape fantasy in kink. I find it to be incredibly arousing to momentarily pretend a character (or myself, or my partner) is being taken against their will, often by a villain or a beast or something so strong they cannot resist. I like the "sex pollen" trope, wherein characters are driven to feel an uncontrollable urge to fuck someone they normally wouldn't. I love stuff like vampiric mind control. I love omegaverse heats and ruts, where the character is so driven by their biology they can't stop themselves, even if they wouldn't normally consent. I love "fuck or die" scenarios.

All of those scenarios involve a lack of consent or questionable consent on the part of the participants. A lot of those scenarios, if they they were happening in real life, would be outright rape.

Now. According to your logic, all of this means that I actually, secretly, think rape in real life is super awesome, and I either actually want to be raped, or I want to rape someone. According to you, reading that kind of fic and participating in that kind of kink play should turn me into a rapist or someone who wants to be raped.

It hasn't.

I have always thought and still think real rape is in fact a horrific violation of someone's rights and boundaries and is inexcusable.

Because I know the difference between pretend play and reality.

Horror movie script writers, directors, and actors don't secretly yearn to be serial killers. David Jenkins and Taika Watiti do not want to become pirates. Bryan Fuller, who developed the NBC Hannibal show, does not secretly yearn to consume human flesh or murder people.

Authors are not always the things they write. You have got to learn this.

#tw cnc mention

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silent-sanctum · 3 months

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You know in honor of Valentines Day, how about I make a list of Valentines headcanons about Jotaro Kujo:

♡ When someone asks what flag color he is, one would most likely say red because of his rude, standoffish, and aloof personality (mostly seen in his teenage years)

♡ However, if you think about it aside from the rough exterior, he's actually a subtle green flag. Let me explain-

♡ This is one of those instances where you have to look past his awkward loner-esque personality and observe how he treats people that don't constantly piss him off.

♡ There's a reason why some of us compare his "heart of gold" to the Amazon Forest that is Jonathan:

♡ Jotaro respects boundaries. As someone who's space often gets violated by unwanted fangirls, he's very aware of the importance of personal space. He won't force you to do stuff you don't want to.

♡ Jotaro is open-minded. He likes to explore his surroundings a lot and isn't exactly rigid with preferences or routines. He's willing to accompany you to wherever you want to go and would try out stuff you'd like for him to try out. After all, he did surprise Joseph when he said India was a neat place to be in.

♡ Jotaro is an active listener. Unlike Jonathan, he can't really offer you solid words of comfort. It's not his expertise. But to make up for that, he'd lend a ear to whatever you want to say to him. Sure, he won't talk much but at times, when you really need someone, he'd be there for you- help you out by giving advice on how to not get hurt again, and help provide you logical reasoning that validates your feelings.

♡ Jotaro is loyal and caring. Yes, he's all "mean and grouchy" no one's denying that, but behind that tough skin is someone that loves his friends and family. He values their security above all else and is willing to put his life on the line just to keep them safe from danger. He also isn't one to condone cheating as evident by his statement about Joseph's infidelity.

♡ Jotaro's love languages are Acts of Service and Quality Time. He likes company but he just can't express it well. At times, he'd spend some of his free time just being by your side, lowkey glad seeing you happy with him around. He can tell when you're upset just by reading your body language or can tell what you need from piecing together recollections of your words. As a result, he'd find ways to make you happy using the methods he can do. He'd buy stuff you like, offer you dinner dates at a restaurant that serves your current cravings, put on your favorite movie or music etc.

♡ Jotaro isn't as possessive as you'd expect him to be. He's very aware he's shit at being an entertaining guy, so he isn't in the position of being all high and mighty of wanting you to just be with him. If anything, he likes seeing you enjoy your day hanging out with friends... but he'd really appreciate it when you'd often have him in mind and you invite him to hang with your friend group. Whether he accepts or declines, he's happy you considered inviting him. But if he sees someone blatantly trying to make moves on you, then he has to intervene to remind everyone that you're taken.

❣️ When Valentines arrives... ❣️

♡ Honestly, don't expect him to show up in public being head-over-heels with some grand display of affection because he's not Jonathan nor Joseph.

♡ Instead, you'd find him waiting for you to finish your tasks and either tells you ahead of time where they're going to spend the day or asks you where do you want to go.

♡ Either way, you engage in usual banter and conversation, just how you both liked it over the months, and continue to do so even when dining or spending time in said place.

♡ You both don't show much PDA as an average couple would, and you didnt mind it one bit. But there are times where Jotaro wouldn't mind holding your hand in public. He'd slowly reach your hand, hold it, and place your interlocked hands in his pocket. And you find that genuinely endearing.

♡ Depending on his impromptu plans, he'd either bring you out in a quiet area of a park or ask you if you'd like to hang in his place or yours. And when reaching somewhere private, it's only there that you find out he actually bought you a bouquet and a gift containing something you wanted.

♡ With the way he approached you all bashful under his hat throughout the entirety of the day, you're reminded why you fell in love with him despite the awful first impressions.

♡ To end it off, you both finish the day either by cuddling to sleep or having an intimate session before going to sleep.

#jotaro x reader #jojos bizarre adventure #jotaro kujo #mijin thoughts

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gamergirl-niffler · 5 months

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Very very urgent emergency request! Just stumbled upon your blog after that fluffy Howl fic of yours; couldn't resist sticking around for more of your fantastic headcanons.

I recently experienced something truly awful a few days ago.. While enjoying a party with my friends, the atmosphere suddenly shifted, and I began feeling unwell. Since then, there's been a blank space in my memory. The following day, upon waking up in our shared apartment, I discovered that I must have experienced a sex*** abuse. I'm currently terrified, in pain, and enduring ongoing bleeding from my private area. Trust has become a challenge, and I'm overwhelmed, wishing I could just disappear. Unsure of what steps to take, I find myself reaching out for comfort of any, any kind.. May I humbly request comfort from Dabi, Bakugo, Enji, Todoroki, and Kaminari, along with their girlfriends, who have navigated similar challenges?

If this plea is too much, please feel free to disregard it. I deeply appreciate your writings, as they bring immense comfort to many.

Oh, my dear Anon...

I am so sorry to hear that something like this happened to you. I can only imagine what you feel right now.

Please, if you feel like you need to talk to someone, feel free to drop into my messages and let's chat a little!

I hope those headcanon will bring you at least a little bit of comfort.

Mha men & sexually abused s/o

Dabi

- Dabi is burning with anger. Of course he isn't mad at you, he is mad at the person who even dared to violate you this way.

- He should stay with you but he leaves. Of course he couldn't stay. Touya doesn't leave you because of the disgust or hate. No. He is going for a hunt! It doesn't matter if it's one or a few people... All police could find were few bodies burned beyond recognition.

- Touya returns to your shared apartment, sheds his coat and is all yours from now on. He doesn't speak a word about what happened unless you feel the need to talk about it. He won't press but will listen when you need to throw it all out.

- He knows some doctors that aren't sketchy but at the same time they won't call the police or anything like this.

- Even if you are scared, Touya pushes you to get checked. He of course stays with you to provide comfort and show you that you are safe with him. Touya knows you are suffering mentally but he doesn't want the physical suffering to continue if there is a way to stop/heal it.

- Back at home Touya stays near you. He wishes he could be glued to you but he understands you need some space.

- When you tell him you need any kind of closeness - he is there immediately, wrapping you in his embrace, holding you as close as possible.

- It takes you a bit of a time to open up to him. You tell him everything; and he listens to it without a word.

When you start to cry he just squeezes you harder until you calm down. Once this happens, Touya starts to tell you, "I'm sorry, doll. I am sorry I wasn't there to protect you but from now on... I will always be near. No one will ever hurt you again. I love you and I'll make sure to help you however I can."

- And he really does it. Since that unfortunate day, Touya does everything to make you feel safe and to help you heal; both mentally and physically.

He doesn't push your boundaries but helps you carefully move them as you heal and again open yourself up to him.

Touya never healed himself from his past so seeing you getting better even after such a scary situation makes this villain smile.

Bakugo

- He is pissed but he won't show it openly. You went through enough stress already and his anger wouldn't help someone in your position so he stops himself from yelling.

- Bakugo doesn't immediately push you to talk. He is more concerned about your health so his first step is to convince you to visit a proper specialist. He doesn't want you to be in pain or to suffer.

When you finally agree to visit the doctor, you are going there with your blond guard dog because Katsuki isn't leaving your side. He will even fight the doctor if it means staying by your side through the visit.

- Back at home, Bakugo is completely different than normal. He is calm and quiet around you.

- If he decides to give you a kiss, hug or simply get close to you he'll ask for your permission beforehand. Just to be sure you are comfortable with him and his touch.

- If you are on any medications he makes sure you take them, it's for your own good afterall.

- Katsuki makes sure to provide comfort in every way possible. He cooks or orders your favorite comfort food so the two of you can enjoy some tasty food together.

- When you feel comfortable enough to open up about what happened, Katsuki just pulls you into a tight hug. "It's okay now. You're safe and I'll make sure to get the bastard that hurt you. I'll make him pay."

- And he really does. Whenever you are asleep or busy with something, Bakugo is on his phone or computer, working his ass off to find the person that did it. He is going to make sure whoever did this will pay the appropriate price for hurting you.

- Whenever you need it, he is ready to hold you close while gently caressing your hair and back. He will talk even about the most silly thing just to see you smile just a little bit. Staying quiet is also something he is ready to do, spending time in silence isn't a problem for him.

Enji

- Enji isn't home very often so it's easy for you to hide it all and just choke yourself with this traumatizing experience.

- When he is actually back, he quickly notices the changes in your behavior. You were like a candle light; warm and happy and now? You resembled an extinguished candle... Cold and sad looking.

- It annoys him because he is really trying for you but suddenly you are all distanced for no reason! Not only in everyday life but also in bed.

- Enji finally confronts you, demanding answers from you! He is your lover, so how dare you ignore him?! Of course he is not gentle about it.

- As you reach your breaking point and admit to what happened at the party you went to, he is shocked that something like this happened to you.

- He is not a master of comfort so at the beginning he isn't sure what to do but in the end Enji pulls you into a tight hug. "Forgive me for being so harsh on you. I'll do better."

- This is a promise he actually keeps up with! Enji is trying his best to understand your needs and boundaries now.

- He pays more attention to you, building up the trust again to show you that you can still trust him and nothing has changed between the two of you.

- Enji loves to hold you close and just comfort you when you feel bad. He enjoys cuddling your smaller frame, making sure that you feel protected.

- If you think he will leave it just like that and do nothing about it you are really wrong. He is a Number One hero and whoever dares to hurt you, now has to deal with him. Enji uses all of his contacts and influence to find that bastard.

- He makes sure you are feeling safe and loved again.

Shoto

- Poor guy is deeply confused when one day you go completely quiet. He is worried if you made it home after the party.

- After receiving no information from you, Shoto goes to your place to check on you. Just to be sure you are okay.

- The state he found you in was heartbreaking. His beautiful girlfriend, his little ray of sunshine suddenly being in distress and bad mental shape.

- He approaches you carefully, asking questions to find out what happened.

- When you reveal what happened the night before, he is shocked. How could someone even do this to another person?

- Of course Shoto doesn't judge you. It was beyond your control and he understands but he slowly talks you into going to the right authorities.

- Shoto goes with you everywhere to make you feel good and safe. He won't allow anyone to get too close to you.

- Back at home he is mostly quiet, letting you decide if you feel like talking or doing anything together.

- When you tell him yes, Shoto is all over you. He wants you close to show you all the love he has for you.

- His favorite thing to do is to simply hold your hand. It gives him this feeling of intimacy and shows him you still trust him.

- Shoto's second favorite thing is holding you right before falling asleep. You look so cute and despite what happened, he is happy you are with him. "My love. I am so lucky to have you and I promise you that I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

- Like every hero he won't let it slide. Shoto will make sure that whoever did this pays for your pain.

Kaminari

- When he finds out, he is terrified and blames himself for this. He had to go with you but a sudden shift in schedulge made him go to work while you went to the party.

- He really doesn't know what to do BUT he quickly gathers himself. You need him and he is there to serve.

- Just like others he accompanies you at the doctor and during the talk with authorities.

- Back at home Denki is really careful around you. Always asking if you need anything, making sure you are okay with stuff he does. He never leaves you alone unless you request him to do so.

- He buys your favorite snack and even tries to bake something you like. Even if he isn't the best at it, he'll try his best for you!

- You feel like watching some silly movie or show? He is there with you!

- Or maybe you feel like just laying down and listening to some music? This dude made a playlist from all your favorite songs!

- Denki is ready to do everything to make you comfortable. Your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world and he is going to work hard for it to appear again upon your pretty lips.

- Even if he blames himself for your harm, he'll never tell you about this but instead he will do EVERYTHING he can to make you feel good again. "We'll make it work, yeah? I won't leave your side and we are going to work through it together." He always assures you with a big bright smile.

- Whoever dared to put hands on you can't sleep peacefully. Kaminari, with the help of his friends, will hunt this bastard down and bring him to justice.

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chaos-and-recover · 4 months

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Hey, c'mere a minute. Listen to me. I know it's been a bit of a day what with the Sleep Token Instagram being wiped clean in the midst of all the doxxing bullshit going on, but I think we're maybe getting a little hysterical. There is so, so much evidence that wiping the Instagram is part of a calculated move to launch a new era, and not a signal that they're walking away. Let's lay it out.

II, III and IV revealed new looks at the Wembley show; Vessel didn't

They posted a link to Ascensionism on YouTube today, and while people are drawing a line between the doxxing and "you make me wish I could disappear" I would like to instead draw your attention to the line "You're gonna watch me ascend"

Sundowning, This Place Will Become Your Tomb and Take Me Back To Eden tell a story. They're a trilogy. The end of Euclid calls back to The Night Does Not Belong to God. It's full circle, end-of-an-era stuff. But if the end of the era was the band itself it would be absolute nonsense to put all that work into designing new aesthetics for 3/4 of the band for ONE SHOW.

The website is still up and the Twitter is still active. It's only Instagram that got cleared out, and even then the saved story highlights are all still there

As has certainly been pointed out by others this is not uncommon. Paramore has done this at leas twice. I feel like Hayley does it semi-regularly on her own account, as well as periodically just leaving social media in general. All members of AFI and their official account changed their profile images to just black ahead of the release of their 2017 album. It's a Thing.

Tour dates!! They still have tour dates. They're going to Australia with Bring Me The Horizon in April (Australia I am SEETHING WITH JEALOUSY). They have Radio City Music Hall, Red Rocks and Sonic Temple

This Tweet:

This now-deleted post from a radio station in Iowa:

This also-removed listing on Ticketmaster (screenshot taken today, Jan 16, 2024:

(The removal of these two items is NOT an indication that they've been cancelled but rather an indication that someone posted them too early)

Yeah, the doxxing sucks. It's got to be stressful for them. But there's also been radio silence from the band and their camp on it and I think that's absolutely the right call -- there are potential legal consequences and it very well could be something lawyers are dealing with. Remember that this is the music BUSINESS and they are not defenseless little meow meows in this. A line has been crossed, boundaries violated, that sucks, that's unforgivable, but I genuinely don't believe we're gonna see the end of the band over it. I mean they are WAY too committed to the bit to let this slow them down.

I think instead we are going to get a tour announcement, and I think we're going to get it as early as this week. Maybe early next week.

We might even get new music or a new reveal from Vessel between now and the Australia dates.

Now let my depressed ass go back to crying to Atlantic on repeat and let's all calm down.

#sleep token #i'm here for you bbs #but i truly think it's gonna be ok #i genuinely think this is a 'don't feed the trolls' situation #don't engage with anyone sharing the leaks #don't acknowledge the leaks at all #let the leakers see we genuinely do not care what their real identities are #and they'll have no power; the information they stole will be worthless

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writtenbynath · 1 year

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How not to be an abusive kinky hypnotist

CW: examples of abuse and rape

Inspired by something I saw on Fetlife, I decided to write a list of common consent violations in our kinky subculture. These guidelines are not hard and fast rules, but following them might decrease the chances you accidentally abuse or assault someone as a hypnotist.

Don't rape people. I'm fucking serious. Don't insert any part of your body into any of their orifices without their explicit consent. Not even your fingers. Don't remove the condom without their consent. That's rape!

Just check in with them. If at any time during the scene you're not sure if they're still having a good time, if they look uncomfortable, if you're not sure what that facial expression or that silence means, just ask them how they're doing. Hypnotised people can let you know how they're doing, all you have to do is ask.

Negotiate before the scene, not during the scene. Even if you wake them up from trance, they might be altered enough to have a lapse in judgement.

If you're not sure whether you should proceed, it's always safer to stop the scene than to continue.

If your trance partner tells you "no sexual stuff", you need to ask them what that means. To many people, a fully clothed, no touch orgasm is still "sexual stuff". An imagined scene in trance can be terribly sexual, even if you don't actually touch your fully clothed partner. Don't assume what their words mean, always ask them to elaborate. And don't assume that everyone likes orgasms!

Don't give them any triggers or suggestions that outlast your scene without their explicit consent. It's especially not ok to suggest to them to contact you or have another scene with you. Don't fucking trance them to make them play with you again. NOT OK!

If you're trancing someone for the first time, make it more about practice or getting to know each other's limits, and less about sexy play, especially if they've never done kinky hypnosis before.

If you're trancing someone for the first time, do it at an event where such a scene is appropriate

If they are much younger than you, new to the scene and/or if they went to a workshop or class your taught, there is a power differential in your interaction with them. You have more experience and/or authority than they do and this makes it harder for them to set boundaries or say no to you. The safest way to not cross their boundaries is to decline to trance them. If you do decide to proceed, tread very carefully. Check in often. Err on the side of caution.

If someone tells you, you have crossed one of their boundaries, believe them, and have a serious talk. Don't belittle their experience or say your intention wasn't to harm. Accept you did harm, and listen to what the person you harmed needs to heal. And then do those things, even if they are not fun for you (like: not go to certain parties for a while)

Many of these points were inspired consent violations that have actually happened in the hypnokink community. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

#hypnokink #hypnocommunity #safety #education

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luckykittysshowerthoughts · 6 months

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Micheal's character is so depressing and so relatable at the same time. Also I wonder what your take is on his and luci's relationship, since they seem pretty close in celestial realm then in nb we see Michael highkey struggling which i don't blame bc he essentially lost 7 siblings at once (including lilith) then in og micheal is still very attached even though he isn't as bad as in nb. I just want your thoughts (you're the only one of 3 including my friend that I trust on Michael analysis/characterization)

First off, thank you so much for listening to my ramblings and praising them so. It's making this hyperfixating little freak very happy

Now, into the analysis. Though, this one is less an analysis and more me compiling everything canon has told us so far, because there's actually a lot there. It's just so spread apart over the course of the story that a lot of people miss the forest for the trees (which I think is another reason Michael as a whole is so misunderstood by the fandom), so it's nice to have a little overview.

Michael and Lucifer's Relationship

It was very nice to see the brotherly tones of Lucifer and Michael's relationship before the war. They seemed to have a typical friendly rivalry, and it was really cute to hear of the two messing with each other in very sibling-like ways.

One example I can think of off the top of my head was angel Lucifer camping out at the site of Michael's new observatory on the night before its grand opening, just to stick it to Michael that he got to his much-anticipated event first. That felt very much like a "little shit sibling" moment.

There was also Michael teasing Lucifer about his wings:

There was also the two of them attempting to pin Father's assignments onto each other, as Lucifer explains here:

They seemed to have a healthy dose of sibling rivalry to their relationship, and it was honestly really adorable.

It's also very clear that the two respected each other greatly. In Season 3, Mammon goes into detail about how much Michael loved Lucifer:

And in Nightbringer, angel Lucifer clearly held Michael in high regard- he seemed to believe Michael was more worthy mentor of Mammon, that he could give Mammon a better shot than he could.

However... I also think their relationship was always a bit dysfunctional. In Nightbringer we see a lot more of how obsessive Michael is- not even just in the wake of his grief after the fall, but even before that. Like this anecdote of Michael constantly sneaking into Lucifer's room:

Now, that's a clear violation of boundaries if I ever did see one. While the two were close, I think it's pretty clear Michael was a little too attached to Lucifer, and that likely caused problems in their relationship even before war broke out. We did get an explanation for this behavior in Season 3 of the OG, though that only paints an even more dysfunctional picture:

Michael idolizing Lucifer to this degree, and projecting himself onto him, is clearly not healthy. And I think Lucifer very well understood that, considering Satan is speaking from his memories of Lucifer's perspective here.

Another remark in Season 3 from angel Lucifer himself indicates that Lucifer didn't exactly see Michael as someone he could confide in:

All in all, I think their relationship was very complicated- as most relationships in Obey Me are. I think they both loved each other deeply, but Michael is the type of person to love a little too hard and that created problems.

Going into speculation territory now, I also think their relationship was tainted by their status in the Celestial Realm and the expectations that were placed upon them. I elaborated on this a little more in this post, but to summarize, I believe Michael is the eldest brother who had a rough time living up to the title while watching Lucifer become everything an eldest sibling "should" be. I think Michael was under a lot of pressure that he wasn't quite mature enough to handle properly, and he knew it. Meanwhile, Lucifer was also pushed to be a perfect, flawless Seraph, the pride and joy of the Celestial Realm- and the perfectionism instilled in him by their father only promoted Michael's idolization of him. We have one brother incredibly insecure with the way he presents himself, leaning on the image of perfection created by an equally insecure brother. It's a self-perpetuating cycle.

I also suspect that Father may have played favorites between the two. I don't have any real concrete evidence of this, but something I've been thinking about lately are the Ring of Light and the Ring of Wisdom, which were created for Lucifer and Michael respectively. In official merch (and possibly in-story as well I don't remember), the Ring of Light is shown to be gold, while the Ring of Wisdom is described to be made of brass and iron. Yeah... if this was intentional I think it's pretty clear who the favorite was here. Come on, at least give Michael silver. I don't think Michael is petty enough to be upset about this specifically, he's not Barb, but it might be indicative of a larger problem in the family dynamic. If Father favored Lucifer, that could also be an explanation for Michael's strange idolization of him.

#obey me michael #obey me lucifer #obey me angels #obey me celestial realm #obey me character analysis #obey me theories #obey me headcanons #obey me speculation

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scribefindegil · 8 months

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ok i'm soooo happy you talked about the mind control thing with the divine tree arc. it rubbed me the wrong way a lot and is the reason why i still don't really like dimple, even though i know it's an important story point and all, i feel like brainwashing is a huge violation and it was never really talked about afterwards. it also rubbed me the wrong way when mob wondered if he did something wrong by stopping the brainwashing even though it made peopl happy, like i feel like that's so disrespectful to autonomy and such (even though, it is a fictional story)

i really like what you're doing with the brassica heresy, with tsubomi taking center stage bc she is one of my faves, i'm really excited where it will go!

Okay. It is possible that you will not like what I have to say. That's fine; you don't have to agree with me and you certainly don't have to like a fictional character who has done fucked-up stuff.

That said.

I feel like you're approaching this with framing that's pretty at odds with the themes of the show. Everyone agrees that the brainwashing was bad. A lot of Mob Psycho characters have done things that are bad. Pretty much everyone I know spent most of the Divine Tree confrontation absolutely furious with Dimple. But the question is: Okay, a character has done something awful. Now what? A lot of people would say that the only solution is punishment and rejection, that Dimple has done something too terrible for him to remain a sympathetic character, and he needs to be exiled or killed or imprisoned or otherwise removed from the show.

But Mob Psycho 100 believes, completely and utterly, with its whole chest, with every arc and with every character, that there is nothing you can do that is so terrible that you are undeserving of human connection, that you are incapable of changing for the better. It believes that there is no fundamental, ontological difference between the people you hate and the people you love, between a terrorist trying to take over the world and a kid who lashed out once and accidentally hurt his brother. Which isn't to say that actions don't matter; obviously they do, and they have consequences. But regardless of what they've done, everyone is just a person. Everyone can grow.

And, crucially, it isn't interested in punishment. Did the character realize their mistake and begin to change? That's what matters. The show doesn't have people constantly rehash the bad things they've done; it just gives them the chance to stop and choose a different path. And Dimple does. Dimple realizes that his goal of godhood wasn't going to make him happy, but his friendship with Mob was.

And people can have boundaries; people can decide that they don't want to be associated with someone any more; forgiveness, in Mob Psycho, is always a choice. But it's a choice that the characters continue to make because the show values kindness and transformation.

So like, yeah, the brainwashing was truly, deeply horrifying. And Mob loves Dimple anyway. And I do too.

(Also, to your point about the LOL cult: Mob is extremely anxious about doing the right thing and specifically about following social rules. And those people did seem to be happy, so of course it makes sense that the fear that he made their lives worse is going to eat at him. That's why Reigen's there, to reassure him, to tell him "You saved some people that only you could have saved," to listen to him tell his story and say that no, those people weren't really happy, and he did something good and important and necessary by breaking the spell.)

#conversations #mp100 #mob meta

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lvicevlk · 1 year

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i wonder sometimes if people miss that when jiang cheng says "don't make me look bad" what he means is "not embarassing me in public is the only thing i have found that gets around how my mother has convinced you that you are disposable" except when he means "if the howling mob comes after you with torches and pitchforks i'll stand with you but honestly, bro, i don't like our odds."

It has taken me forever to get to this and I am so sorry. Real life was draining me and I’ve finally got some time off to recover. Thank you for your patience.

It is astonishing to me that so many people somehow fail to understand the importance of reputation in the story. It’s a damned central theme how reputation, how what people think of you or say about you directly impacts how they treat you. It’s a presiding factor in Wei Wuxian’s downfall at the end of his first life. He makes everyone scared of him and thinks that’s going to make them leave him alone, instead it terrifies people to the point that the Jin can use a base truth, that he doesn’t have much respect any authority or boundaries aside from his own, to paint him as an imminent threat to the world. He built himself a reputation as an uncontrollable and frankly heretical wildcard and it comes back to bite him in the ass when people respond accordingly.

Reputation matters hugely to the story and to the people in it. Jiang Cheng is not wrong for trying to impress this on Wei Wuxian. Reputation is, among other things, a currency all it’s own and, if we’re focusing on the Yunmeng boys here, Jiang Cheng spends a lot of his life shelling out cash to try and cover Wei Wuxian’s debts.

When they’re kids, it’s one thing. It’s still very not good and look, for me personally, I would not chose to spend a whole lot of time with a guy who seemed to think that violating my boundaries and publicly humiliating me was prime entertainment but Jiang Cheng loves Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian loves him back, even if they do not express that in ways that are all that healthy. Wei Wuxian teases Jiang Cheng because he wants his overly serious baby brother to relax, to smile and laugh and have fun. That’s a wonderful impulse and there are times where it’s works. There are also times where it’s utterly inappropriate and Wei Wuxian is, I think often willfully, blind to that. And worse, he doesn’t listen when Jiang Cheng tells him so. I once saw someone claim that Wei Wuxian only acts like that in public so that Jiang Cheng can look good by reining him in, which would be an interesting take if it was at all supported by the text instead of being a blatant contradiction thereof. It would require that Wei Wuxian not only listen to Jiang Cheng but do as he is asked. Which he does not at any point ever. It’s kinda a massive plot point that Wei Wuxian Does What He Wants and no one can tell him otherwise.

When they get older the consequences of Wei Wuxian’s habit of dicking around and messing with Jiang Cheng go beyond pissing off Madam Yu and become a lot more pronounced. Madam Yu’s anger is understandable even if the way she expresses it is unconscionable. She knows that Wei Wuxian’s behavior is damaging both to the Sect and to Jiang Cheng’s reputations and that it will and does actively impede Jiang Cheng’s ability to stand on the political field with the other Sect Leaders. Because when they look at him they see his reputation: the less favored child, the lesser cultivator, the Sect Heir and then Leader whose own right hand constantly dismisses and undermines him. Why should they take him seriously?

#The Untamed #Jiang Cheng #Wei Wuxian #Yunmeng disasters

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litlpawz · 2 months

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WHAT A GOOD REGRESSOR LOOKS LIKE:

There’s been lots of discourse over what someone can and can’t do during regression so I’m here to provide you with a list of do’s and do not’s so you know you’re doing things correctly!

DO:

✓ Be yourself, your method of regression is catered towards yourself, as long as you don’t violate anyone else’s boundaries do whatever you want!

DON’T:

✘ Listen to what anyone says you can and can’t do during regression. Regression does have a perfect look, and it’s below;

#agere blog #age regression #sfw agere #sfw agedre #age dreaming #age regressor #sfw interaction only #sfw little blog #sfw littlespace #sfw little community #🐾 | litlpawzlitltalks

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mrsbuckybarnes1917 · 11 months

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FINDING YOU Chapter 11

Summary: You're in a relationship with Steve Rogers, but his best friend just always seems to be around!

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: massive physical trauma, hospitals

MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 11

You knocked on his apartment door. "Bucky?" you called through the crack, not wanting to disturb his neighbors.

Bucky never invited you over. He had moved out of your building very soon after Peggy's arrival and ever since you'd become friends, you had tried very hard to gain access into his abode. But Bucky had thwarted your every mention of coming over and you were very curious about where he lived. There was always the option of showing up uninvited, but you knew that it would be a violation of his trust. Bucky had been an incredible friend to you but he had some clear boundaries and you were definitely going to respect them.

It felt as though things had changed between you recently, particularly since the dream you’d had. It was as though you were noticing things about your friend for the first time; the way this eyes crinkled when he had a genuine smile plastered across his face, the way he tilted his head slightly to one side when he was really concentrating on what someone was saying, the two vertical lines what graced his brow when he was confused, which happened quite a lot, Bucky was struggling with twenty first century society.

You found yourself wanting to spend more and more time with him, a day that went by without an interaction with him felt like an incomplete day. So when he'd asked you to come over and help him out, you had said yes without hesitation.

The door swung open as you leaned against it trying to listen for movement inside. You almost fell over with the unexpected lack of resistance. Why was the door open? Was there someone inside?

“Buck?” you called out cautiously.

The apartment was oddly sparse, almost like no one had truly moved in. There was one chair next to a small dining table and an armchair.

“Bucky? Are you here?” you spoke again, not shouting.

His enhanced hearing meant that he would hear you anywhere in the tiny living space he called home. You could tell there wasn’t much more than the area you could see. A fleeting question entered your mind: had he been robbed? Unlikely was the answer, the television remained untouched, in fact there was a small layer of dust across the top of it. You felt less worried about an intruder at this point, but it would be best to scope out the rest of the space, just in case. Was it a justification for you to snoop around? Probably not, but it was better to be safe than sorry. You crept across the room to the bedroom and pushed the door ajar.

“Bucky? If you’re in there, you’d better not be doing anything that I don’t want to see.”

Why did you say that? What a ridiculous thing to say!

You were saved any embarrassment, the room was empty except for boxes of clothes. Was he moving? The situation was very confusing and you were starting to worry about Bucky’s absence. It seemed unlike him to leave his door open, even though there wasn’t much of value in the apartment for someone to take.

Just as you were about to leave the bedroom, a smaller box caught your eye. It was partially open and there were S.H.I.E.L.D. files inside. You would recognize that eagle logo anywhere. Why did Bucky have S.H.I.E.L.D. files in his apartment? It was almost as though your body was acting on autopilot, you reached out and picked up the top file. Working for the peacekeeping and spy agency for so many years, it had become second nature for you to seek information, and in that moment it didn’t even occur to you that your actions were grossly invading your friend’s privacy.

The file wasn’t very thick as you opened the cover. In the front were a few photographs of Bucky and Steve, they were both laughing and looked relaxed, it made you smile. You could tell it was before Bucky had been taken by HYDRA and you’d wished that you could make Bucky smile that way again. There was an army ID and a photo of Bucky which was probably taken when he had first been drafted, he looked so young and carefree. You flipped over a few pages which were all in Russian until you came across another photograph, this one was a full page image of the Winter Soldier encased in a metal cryostasis chamber. You could see Bucky’s face, through a small piece of glass, his long hair flat on either side of his face. He looked surprisingly peaceful as he slept, something you knew he didn’t get much of since his escape.

Just as you were wondering if he had made any progress with his nightmares when you heard a disgruntled throat clearing. You looked up and realized Bucky was standing over you watching you. As soon as you saw his face, you knew you’d not only breached his privacy but his trust as well.

“Buck,” you gasped. “I’m-”

He didn’t give you a chance to apologize, he turned on his heels and left the apartment.

“Shit!” you shouted, more at yourself than at anyone in particular. You scrambled to get off the floor and chase after your friend.

You wrenched open the door, but Bucky had all but disappeared. Venturing down the hall you glanced at the closed doors of the apartments along the hall, there was no way Bucky would have taken refuge behind any of them, he must have made his way out of the building. You scurried down the stairs, your heart pounding, not from the exertion, but the image of Bucky’s face filled with disappointment and betrayal burned on your retinas.

Bursting through the front door of the building you looked around wildly, searching for any sign of your best friend. But Bucky hadn’t been called a master marksman and assassin for no reason, HYDRA may have manipulated his mind, but his skill was definitely his own. If Bucky didn’t want to be found, you didn’t stand a chance of locating him. You had no idea what to do except to stand helplessly outside the apartment building hating yourself for your inquisitiveness.

For a second you cursed your stupidity, then pulled out your phone to call him. The dial tone is the only sound that greeted your ears until you got a standard voicemail message.

“Bucky,” you started talking rather tearfully. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to snoop through your things. It was wrong. Please call me back. Please, Buck. I’m sorry.”

You hung up dismally, knowing that he wouldn’t be calling you back. That just wasn’t who Bucky was. As you stood there feeling sorry for yourself, your phone started ringing. Your eyes widened.

“Bucky?” you answered without reading the screen.

“Ace, it’s Steve.”

“Oh, hi,” Disappointment was evident in your voice.

“I know you weren’t expecting me, but we need your help." Steve sounded stressed. "There is a bomb threat at S.H.I.E.L.D. office building by LaGuardia airport. We need everyone's help evacuating. Bucky's already on his way."

"Text me the location. I'm on my way."

“Bucky!” you screamed. “Bucky!”

You ran across the rubble screaming out your best friend's name. Your voice cracked as you became more and more desperate. The concrete remains of the S.H.I.E.L.D. office crumbled under your feet and you froze, lost in a trance, immobilized by anxiety and fear. Steve's hands on your shoulders brought you back to reality. One you didn't want to face. Lines of worry were etched across Steve's face, his concern matching your own.

Panic was starting to bubble up inside you as the implications of the scene in front of you started to sink in. How could everyone just stand there? Someone had to help him!

With that thought, you tried to push away Steve's arms. The grip his hands had on you was tighter than expected, almost painfully so and you only started to notice it.

"Steve!" You pushed at this chest. "Get off me!"

Ignoring the anguish on his features, you turned towards the large chunks of debris and began lifting the wreckage away from the center. You started with your fingers until the concrete started getting too heavy for you, the sharp edges ripping your palms. A little blood wasn't going to stop you. You used your powers to attack the heavier pieces, brick by brick. It wasn't until you were struggling with what looked like a whole ceiling that you noticed that you had help. Steve was beside you, his arms shaking with the force he was using to lift. One coordinated exertion and together you were able to shift the weight, but it took a lot of energy and you sank down to the floor, tears streaming down your face.

“Get up.” Steve’s voice was quiet but firm. He crouched down in front of you and held out his hand. “Come on.”

Your knees wobbled, but Steve was right by your side, supporting you. “Thanks.” You dropped his hand as soon as you knew that your legs wouldn’t give way, resuming your excavation.

Hours had passed and you were feeling more and more desolate at the prospect of finding Bucky alive. Steve worked beside you in silence. Neither of you voiced how you felt, clinging to a modicum of hope that your friend was still alive.

As you worked you couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky; everything he had been through and how hard he had worked to escape from this traumatic past. He had been your rock after things had ended with Steve and you had never considered how much you relied on him over the last year until now. You hadn’t once stopped to thank him for his unwavering support, for putting up with your irrational behavior or your fits of melancholy. And what was worse, how he had looked at you before he left.

Why had he spent all those months tolerating you?

Particularly since he had never shown any signs of wanting any form of relationship with you before. He had given you a taste of an amazing friendship and now he was going to take that all from you.

How did he expect you to do this without him?

You already missed him; his warmth, his dependability, his staunch loyalty, his ocean blue eyes and the way they glimmered when he smiled at you. In that moment, you’d have given anything to have him smile at you one more time.

“Please,” you begged. Your teeth gritted, you muttered repeatedly under your breath. “Please Bucky. Please be alive. I need you. Please.”

You didn’t care that Steve could hear you. You didn’t care that you had blood leaking from the gashes on your knees. You didn’t care about the dust that smeared your face. All you cared about was finding Bucky.

“Quiet!” Steve’s voice penetrated your rumination.

Your eyes snapped up towards him and he held up his hand, listening with his head cocked to one side. You did the same, but the silence was deafening. Had his super soldier hearing picked up something yours hadn’t?

“Steve!” you hissed at him impatiently.

Steve dropped to his knees, focusing on a small area of rubble. You didn’t hesitate in helping him. Just when you thought you had made some progress, the ground beneath you started shaking and the two of you froze like a hare caught in headlights.

“Can you tell what’s underneath?” he asked.

“I’ll try.”

Cautiously you used your powers to feel around under your feet, probing the gaps gently, searching for signs of weakness in the ground. You reached out longing to get some sign of his presence, even if it was the cold metal of his vibranium arm. Instead all you could detect was a void.

“There’s some kind of air pocket under this. I can’t tell if he-” you stopped, breath shuddering as you struggled to keep control.

“OK, we just need to get underneath without this collapsing into it. There has to be another way.”

You watched as Steve lithely leapt from one pile of debris to the next, barely dislodging a stone. You weren’t sure if you admired his ability to stay calm and focused or despised his detachment to the urgency of the situation. You knew he cared deeply for Bucky but you just couldn’t understand how he was able to stop the anxiety from making him implode.

“Ace!”

You followed his beckoning hand, not quite as surefooted, but you were careful not to cause too much disruption. Working with Steve felt natural, you had always been in sync when it came to the physical. It felt as though you were one mind, acting seamlessly to achieve your shared goal.

A small flash of gold caught your eye.

“Steve, over there!”

You were ready to rush across, but a large hand wrapped around your arm stopped you.

“We need to be careful, or this whole thing will come down and kill us all.”

You pulled out your phone, turning on the light.

“Bucky!”

He was there, barely ten feet in front of you, sprawled out, pinned under a large steel beam. This time Steve called out his name again, and amidst the eerie quiet, you caught a small sound.

"Stebe?"

Both of you forgot caution at that moment and stumbled forwards towards your friend.

"Bucky?" You dropped to your knees, ignoring the rocky floor and the stinging in your legs.

"Hey," Bucky's eyes were open, and he gave you one of his half smiles before it turned into a grimace.

You reached over and took his right hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “We’re going to get you out of this dump. Ok?”

“Roger that.”

His face was covered in blood. There was a large cut in his temple and you were pretty sure his nose was broken. But as messy and frightened as all the blood looked, your main concern was the metal trapping his leg and torso. You bit your lip to stop it from quivering as waves of concern threatened to drag you under.

“You alright?” Bucky asked. “You don’t look so good.”

You laughed which came out as half a sob. “You’re one to talk.”

“How does it look?”

“It’s going to be fine.” You smiled weakly. LIES! It was written all over your face. He had been under the bar for at least four hours now and his leg was definitely broken. He had probably already started suffering from crush syndrome and lifting the bar would mean that the toxins would start flooding through his system. The other option would be to amputate his leg. The thought flashed through your mind and you dismissed it almost immediately, you wouldn’t be the one responsible for Bucky losing another limb.

“I can lift this off. Can you pull him out?” Steve asked.

“Hang on a minute.”

“We need a base board, it will be easier to carry him so his leg doesn’t move too much. Will you go and get one from the bus?”

“Yeah.”

“Steve-” you stopped him as he started walking away. “Make sure they’re ready to go?”

He nodded and disappeared. And you turned back to Bucky.

“Buck, you still with me?”

“Always.” His voice seemed weaker, less coherent. He didn’t open his eyes.

“Bucky, come on. I'm sorry for what happened. Please Buck, open your eyes.”

“Glad you came.” His words were slurred.

“Buck. Bucky!”

Your heart was pounding so hard that you didn’t hear Steve’s return. Everything that happened next was you acting on autopilot. Steve was able to lift the bar long enough for you to drag Bucky from under it. Together you grabbed one end of the board each and hotfooted it out of the pit, not caring about the fact that everything was crumbling around you. Bucky was hustled into the back of an ambulance within minutes and you were squashed in the back with Steve by your side.

The next moments, hours, days were all a blur in your memory. You barely registered Steve leading you into a treatment room at the hospital, having your wounds cleaned and dressed. It was days before Bucky was stable enough for surgery and sitting outside the ICU felt like an eternity of torture. It was your fault he had been in there in the first place. You were responsible for all of this. If you'd been there together, you could have helped him.

No one could convince you to leave, you didn’t care that you were covered in grime, the only clear areas on your face were the line where your tears had flowed. To your surprise, Steve hadn’t left your side. You suspected that he needed your support as much as you needed his. Bucky didn’t have many friends and the only other person who visited during that time was Sam.

Peggy had tried several times to get Steve to leave and clean himself up, but her attempts had been unsuccessful. May hadn’t bothered trying, mostly showing up to drop off food and disgusted looks. She did however bring in toiletries and a change of clothes, which meant you and Steve could wash yourselves without leaving the hospital. A few days of gnawing worry and sleepless nights and Bucky’s labs had started showing an improvement and he was moved out of the ICU. But he still hadn’t regained consciousness.

You fell asleep at his bedside, your arm slung over the back of your chair, a bit of saliva hanging from the corner of your mouth. A loud snore escaped your mouth and you woke up with a start, feeling embarrassed as you noticed Steve smothering a smile.

“Shut up, Rogers.” You glanced at Bucky, hoping for a response from him. There was nothing.

“Hey, it’s nothing I haven’t heard before,” he smirked.

You scowled at him.

“Why don’t you go home and take a nap.”

“I’m fine.” You had no desire to leave.

“Maybe you can go home and take a shower.” May said from behind you. “I’m not sure Barnes will appreciate the smell in this room.”

“Fine,” you conceded after a few moments of silence. “I’ll go and shower.”

“At home,” May glared at you pointedly.

You hated that May knew you well enough that you wanted to sneak into the doctor’s locker room to use their showers.

“You’d better call me if something happens,” you frowned at Steve.

He nodded and you left, albeit reluctantly, with May who agreed to drive you.

Steve settled back in his chair, picking up his small sketch pad and turned his attention back on the doodle he had started on.

“Steve?” Bucky’s eyes were open and he was searching the room.

“Hey pal.” Steve’s face lit up with a smile and pulled his chair closer to Bucky. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like a building fell on me.”

Steve chuckled. “Glad you have you back with us. You gave us quite a scare.”

“Us?” Bucky asked hopefully, his eyes scanning the room again looking for signs of your presence.

“May ordered her to go home and shower.”

“I was wondering about the smell.”

They smiled at each other briefly.

“Is she ok?” Bucky asked tentatively.

“Yeah. Worried about you.”

“Not enough to be here,” Bucky muttered sullenly. It was under his breath, but Steve caught the gist.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Act like you’re not worth people’s concern. You are Buck. Ace cares about you too.”

Bucky scoffed. “Even if she did, it’s not my place...” he trailed off, hoping Steve didn’t catch on to what he had meant.

“What? What does that even mean? Bucky, I can see how much you care about her. Everyone can! Don't miss your chance to do something about it.” Steve sighed heavily. After a few moments of silence, he said, “I regret how things ended with her.”

“Do you still love her?”

Steve was silent, but Bucky knew the answer. How could he not?

“I made my choice,” Steve sighed again.

Bucky wanted to reach out and comfort this friend, but Steve was on his left and his arm had been removed.

“It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t feel the same way.”

“Ace cares about you, and I think she’s just realized how much. Give her some time.”

Bucky looked skeptical but acquiesced. “And you’d be ok with this?”

Steve shrugged. “I want you both to be happy.”

The two men settled into a comfortable silence, Steve resuming his sketching and Bucky closed his eyes trying to ignore the pain he was feeling and pushing away the small spark of hope that Steve had ignited in him.

You’d spent under ten minutes in the shower, washing your hair but neglecting to use a conditioner. It was a decision you’d later regret, but you could live with the inconvenience. Being away from Bucky wasn’t something you’d be able to deal with if something happened while you were away.

The blinds to his room were partially drawn and a feeling of dread flooded your senses. You cautiously opened the door and everything looked exactly how you’d left it. Your heart rate dropped a few notches. Steve looked up and smiled, glancing over at Bucky who hadn't opened his eyes again.

You walked over and gently placed your hand on his foot, smoothing the blanket around it with your other hand.

“Nothing changed while I was gone?” you asked dismally.

You eventually looked up at Steve, who raised an eyebrow at you before tilting his head in Bucky’s direction. You followed his nod and made eye contact with Bucky. A soft smile spread across his face, barely hidden by the facial hair which had grown over the last few days.

Your lip trembled slightly, as you clamped down on it with your teeth, trying to stop from bursting into tears.

“Hey Ace.” Bucky’s voice was quiet, still weak from his blood loss. Any normal human wouldn’t have survived what Bucky had been through.

“Bucky,” your voice was barely a whisper. You fought the urge to throw yourself at him in a hug. He had several broken ribs, and despite his rapid metabolism and super soldier healing abilities, it would be far from comfortable for him.

Bucky turned his hand over on the bed, extending his fingers towards you. Nervously you placed your fingers over his and closed your palm over them. He curled his fingers into his palm, pulling you closer towards him and stroking the back of your hand with his thumb.

You wanted nothing more than to hold him close, but you felt paralyzed. Was it nerves? Was it fear? You felt like a coward. You loved Bucky. You knew that now. But the fear of rejection, of unrequited feelings kept you at arms length. Until…

“Come here,” Bucky pulled you into an embrace.

You let yourself be guided by him. Gently you put one arm around his waist and rested your head on his right shoulder. You were facing away from him to avoid putting pressure on his chest, there was still a chest drain in his left side where the rib fracture had punctured his lung. It felt perfect, tucked into him, cradling his arm to your chest. Finally the tears started to fall, you wept into his shoulder. Bucky held you tightly with his right arm, giving you the chance to let your feelings out. Bucky was a man of few words, but he more than made up for it through the depth of his emotions.

When your tears finally dried up, you sat up, perched on the edge of the bed. You cradled his hand in yours, too ashamed to look at him.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"You're beautiful." It was a statement of fact as far as Bucky was concerned.

It would have been the perfect moment for you to have kissed him, confess your feelings. Instead you sat on his bed in silence, his hand still tightly in your grasp. You never wanted to let him go but the words you wanted to say wouldn’t leave your lips.

“Can you do something for me?” Bucky finally worked up the courage to break the silence.

“Yeah,” you cleared your throat and sniffed. “Sure, what do you need?”

“Do you know where they kept my arm?”

“Oh yeah, I locked it in the cupboard. So no one tried to steal it.” You hopped off the bed. “Let me get it.”

You had wrapped his arm in a scarf so that there wouldn’t be any damage to it. It was a laughable sentiment because vibranium was one of the strongest metals known to mankind, it was very unlikely that putting it in a hospital cupboard would leave a scratch. But you knew what it meant to Bucky. It had been a gift from the Wakandans, one he saw as a new beginning. He had lived with the guilt of the actions of the Winter Soldier for so long. He had spent months living alone in Wakanda where he had finally been able to rid himself of his Hydra puppeteers and break the cycle of vengeance.

“We had to take it off because you needed an MRI.” You suddenly felt uncomfortable, you hadn’t asked permission to remove his limb. “Steve knew what to do. I hope it’s ok?”

“I understand.” He nodded almost imperceptibly, the blue of his eyes felt like they pierced your soul.

You gently laid the prosthetic on his lap.

“Might need some help with all these tubes.” He indicated to the IV in the back of his right hand and the chest tube in the left side of his thorax. “Please?”

The way he smiled at you when he said please, it made you feel weak at the knees. How had you never noticed his smile before? You’d spent so much time together. You hated that you’d suddenly lost your senses.

“I’m going to lift the bed slightly.”

He nodded.

You approached his left side warily and untied the strings on his hospital gown. Your mouth had gone dry and your palms seemed to be sweating profusely. Why were your hands shaking? Had he noticed the tremble in your fingertips as they pulled back the cotton gown to the edge of his shoulder?

Your wide eyes roamed over the network of scars, every line you saw felt like a tiny stab through your heart. He had never talked to you about what he had suffered, what he still endured. Should you have asked? He was diligent about seeing his psychiatrist, but then was court mandated therapy really helpful? Tears threatened to fall from your eyes, but this wasn’t about you. In that moment, you would have done anything to take away the pain he felt.

Suddenly you became aware of Bucky’s eyes on you. You’d paused for too long, stared for too long. He was searching your features for signs of disgust and repulsion, everything he saw when he looked in the mirror.

“Does it hurt?”

You grimaced as soon as the words left your mouth. What an idiotic question? Why was this situation making you uncomfortable? It’s not as though you hadn’t been alone with Bucky before. It’s not as though you hadn’t seen him shirtless either. Why was it different now? You normally excelled at having difficult conversations, then why was this so hard for you now?

“No.” He almost sounded sad that it wasn’t painful. He would rather face the physical pain than the current psychological torment he endured. “I think it’s the serum. I don’t feel anything.”

“May I?” You asked if you could continue to lower the gown.

He nodded.

You exposed his shoulder girdle, taking in the Wakandan technology which replaced his normal anatomy. The round plate covered the area where his arm had once been, there were six equally spaced diamonds with a central series of golden rings.

“Wow, it's beautiful.” You were in awe of the technology and how perfectly it seemed to look on the man in front of you. Instinctively you reached out to touch him. “Sorry, I-” you pulled your hand back before making contact.

“It's OK.”

“How do I-?” you asked how to fit the arm.

“Bring it closer.”

You complied. As the distance between the two pieces lessened, the diamonds expanded in a stunning purple glow. The central concentric series of golden rings expanded into a conical shape, the perfect fit for the vibranium prosthetic you held in your hands. It slid into place with ease and the arm came to life in a concertina effect.

“Cool.”

“I just need to recalibrate it.”

“The spinning thing?”

“Yes, the spinning thing.”

He would have to sit up for that. You scurried around to the other side of the bed. Hesitantly, you wrapped your arms around his upper back. Bucky’s right arm hooked over your opposite shoulder as you pulled him towards you until your noses were almost touching. His eyes were locked onto yours and time felt like it was standing still. You could feel his breath on your lips. You could see the dancing black flecks amongst an infinite ocean of blue. Your heart was racing. Just a small tilt of your head, that’s all you needed, he was waiting for an invitation. You willed yourself to move.

A loud klaxon sounded from outside the room and the spell was broken. Bucky turned to his left and rotated the arm on its axis, resetting its functions perfectly. You guided him back onto the bed, releasing him from your embrace.

“Thanks,” he said gruffly, a hint of disappointment in his voice. “I think I need to get some rest.”

“Oh, of course.” You felt confused. Almost rejected. Was he dismissing you? “I can go-”

“No.” Bucky replied before you had even finished.

That one word was all the hope you needed.

"You should sleep. I'll be right here."

#steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x you #buckybarnes x you #steve rogers x female reader #bucky barnes x female reader #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fan fiction #finding you

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mbti-notes · 10 months

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ENTJ here, sometimes I can get very triggered for a while when one of my close friends says something strongly contrary to my values. E.g. with egalitarianism, when someone calls someone living with their parents at 26 a loser, or when someone throws in a lot of comments proving that they feel superior because of what music they listen to, what clothes they wear, etc. I think this is the result of my low Fi, how can I deal with this and learn to accept that people have different values?

How do people justify being judgmental? They claim that their own beliefs/values are "right" and that the other person is "wrong". You are bothered by others believing themselves to be morally superior. Yet how do you respond? By exerting your own moral superiority. This constitutes psychological projection: criticizing undesirable traits/behaviors in others in order to avoid looking at them within oneself. Projection is usually worse in intimate relationships because you consider the other person to be part of you or your in-group.

Projection is an ego development issue that leads to misuse of functions (not necessarily an issue with Fi itself). People at lower levels of ego development deeply identify with their beliefs/values. When your beliefs/values are your identity, anything that would push you to doubt, reconsider, or abandon your beliefs/values is treated as an existential threat, an attack that could potentially wipe out your sense of self. This is why most people react to infringement upon/violation of their values with anger. Anger motivates reinforcement of boundaries and strengthening of values. Have you ever noticed that, more often than not, people walk away from heated debates even more hardened in their stance?

How do you accept that people have different values? The logical answer is to have a more sophisticated understanding of the relationship between values and identity, rather than treating them as one in the same. There are three aspects to consider:

(1) Emotional Intelligence: To "have feelings about___" are really value judgments based on emotions. Who generates your feelings and emotions? YOU do. As I explain in the article on EI, one essential lesson to learn is how to take full responsibility for your feelings and emotions, rather than blaming someone/something else for "causing" them. Blame is always counterproductive because it is always a distraction from the real issue at hand.

Being judgmental is finding fault and blaming others for moral failing. But projection means your judgment process is severely compromised because your unconscious ego dramas are distorting your perception. People believe their feeling judgments reflect the truth of the world, but what they actually reveal is an ugly truth within. When you become aware of projecting, the onus is on you to go within and sort things out. But you won't do that as long as you believe your feelings/emotions were caused from the outside.

(2) Critical Thinking: Although it is a crucial aspect of growing up, it is actually rare for people to carefully construct their belief/value system. For the majority of people, their beliefs/values are mostly adopted through "happenstance" factors such as: inborn personality preferences, parental guidance, educational upbringing, peer pressure, media influence, social norms, cultural background, moral or religious indoctrination, etc.

In other words, the contents of your mind, which you take to define who you are, were largely constructed by your environment, through the complex process of socialization. Until you possess the humility to admit this truth about the hollowness of your identity, you will keep identifying with your beliefs/values and, as a result, feel triggered/threatened every time they get invalidated.

And how does sensitivity to invalidation affect your approach to anyone you deem "different" from you? To be "triggered" by them is a violent reaction, tinged with anger, perhaps even hate. Being judgmental indicates you feel superior in your moral values, but being controlled by negative thoughts and behaviors (such as annoyance, anger, hate, blame, condemnation, persecution...) is as revealing of your moral character as the values you claim to hold, right? When you're gripped by self-righteousness, you don't see the destructiveness of it, because all you see is how others are "wrong".

When people reach the stage of ego development of realizing that their identity is more than just the beliefs/values they were socialized to believe in, they achieve the mental distance necessary to stop identifying with them. By opening yourself up to this scary but edifying process of "losing the self", you create space to rebuild your belief/value system through sound reasoning. And whenever you meet someone different from you, you're more likely to embrace the experience as an opportunity for self-reflection. In the event that your beliefs/values are proven false, oversimplified, contradictory, or hypocritical, you'll be able to correct them, i.e., to keep evolving into a better version of yourself.

Earlier I implied that it's hypocritical to react to other people's judgmentalness with your own judgmentalness. Does being judgmental change anything or improve the situation? No, which is the first sign that it's not the right response. How should you correct your response? You seem to believe it's achieved through accepting that people have different beliefs/values...

(3) Empathy: To have empathy requires perspective taking, to put yourself in someone else's shoes. It means taking the time to understand what is really motivating them behind appearances -> Ni. Ni development teaches you that it's often necessary to dig deeper in order to get at the truth of things. This ability to reflect more deeply will also grant you better access to Fi. The nice thing about Fi is that developing it properly helps people be more empathetic. Once you understand something for yourself, it's easier to extend that understanding to others.

For instance, if it's possible for you to release yourself from identification with your beliefs/values, then it's also possible for you to see people as being separate from their beliefs/values. In other words, disliking someone's beliefs/values doesn't mean you have to dislike them as a person. You can empathize with the fact that they may not be fully conscious of what they do and they may not know a better way to behave, in the same way you didn't know any better than to return judgmentalness with more judgmentalness.

When you approach people with judgmentalness, you basically signal that you are treating them as inferior to you, that you want to change them according to your standards, that you will not accept them unless they bend to your will. Would you like to be approached in this way? From this perspective, it's unsurprising that people react to being harshly judged by doubling down on their negative behavior. Nobody likes to have their dignity stripped from them.

When you have enough empathy for yourself to properly understand the error of your own ways, you can then extend the empathy to others and understand that they err for similar reasons as you. People only do what they know, and if they were led through socialization to believe and value the wrong things, they'll behave the wrong way. Nobody gets to choose how they were socialized. Would you like to take the blame for something you didn't choose? And should you blame people for something they never chose?

This isn't to say that you should just slip into moral relativism and agree that all beliefs/values are equally valid. Some beliefs/values are indeed better than others, and with critical thinking, you can decide which ones are better for you to hold. You are entitled to your beliefs/values. But are you entitled to the power to impose them on others? No, and you shouldn't accept imposition from others. But if you accept people as they are, holding the beliefs/values you disagree with, does it mean they are no longer responsible for their negative actions? No, you can still hold people accountable for the harm they inflict. Empathy isn't about being weak, passive, or turning a blind eye to immorality.

Empathy is about respecting people's dignity and humanity, as opposed to acting out of hurt, anger, hate, or retaliation. People may do wrong but it doesn't mean they are fundamentally broken or unworthy of care and compassion. Empathy gives you a chance to address immorality without resorting to immorality yourself and creating an environment that destroys humanity. Empathy makes people much more receptive to reason because no attack is occurring that requires stubborn defense. Empathy opens up the possibility of negotiating positive change with people, rather than trying to force change that backfires on you.

For example: Is it possible to discuss issues factually and reasonably without launching into personal attacks? Is it possible to hold people to account without shaming them, condemning them, and stripping them of their dignity? Is it possible to encourage people to change their behavior through incentives rather than punishments? If you chose these kinds of responses to wrongdoing, what would it say about your values and your moral character?

When you judge someone, you're reacting to something that you believe is morally wrong. Ask yourself, "what's the best way to address it?" And that should set your intention for how to approach the situation in the best possible way.

#entj #auxiliary ni #inferior fi #morality #empathy #critical thinking #values #judgmental #projection #blame #anger #ask

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signoraviolettavalery · 6 months

Text

I got stuck in the rain today, and consequently ended up with some vampire!Bojan scenes that are frankly too long and important to stick in a non-searchable chat so y'all are in luck today :) :)

(also psst I have no idea how tattoos actually work so I made up some utter nonsense please disregard my lack of medical knowledge, I'm sure @touchyourblood will correct me shortly tho)

This is all a while into their marriage, once Bojan has found out the extent of the abuse Jan has been through and Jan has started healing and figuring out that all the things he's been told and taught and internalized are....wrong.

It's a hot day and Jan stretches out and fans himself, complaining a little about the heat.

"You can go swimming," Bojan suggests. "I don't know if you know, but there's a lovely lake through the woods behind our castle."

"But....people will see my body," he protests.

"Do you not want them to see your body?" Bojan asks gently.

Jan needs a moment to think about that. Gaspar had always put him on display, in every way, and he hated being stared at. And he would be looked at, he'd be recognized as Bojan's husband. On the other hand, it's been years, and Bojan has never shown him off. Perhaps he'd be fine with it. But although he doesn't know the answer to that question, he does know that there's a more pressing issue.

"I don't know," he admits. "But what about - do you want them to see my body?" Isn't it Bojan's to show off? He can't imagine going by himself, stripping off his clothes, letting everyone look without Bojan beside him, an everpresent reminder of who Jan belongs to.

Bojan looks at him in that way he has, when Jan says something that reveals just how different his understanding of things is from Bojan's.

"Oh Jan," he says, in that gentle voice he always uses whenever that happens. He closes the distance between them, puts hands on his shoulders. They're at the point now where Jan feels comfortable with Bojan's touch, welcomes it, even. He knows Bojan won't hurt him or violate his boundaries. It took him a long, long time to believe that, but he does now, and it's exhilarating to be able to find comfort in touch. "You can show as much of your body as you'd like or as little. Go swimming if you want. It's your choice. It's not mine."

It's what Jan has been slowly learning for years now.

He does go swimming. He does get stared at - they know whose husband he is - especially when he takes off his shirt and bares his body. But no one says anything. If he's here, by himself, exposing him in this way, he must have permission. A hunter bride would never forsake their duty so much as to disobey in such a blatant and public way, would never shame themselves and their family.

But they do stare. At his body, pristine and perfect (Gaspar had been so careful to never leave a permanent mark, for all his violence). The fading bite on his neck. He tries to ignore their stares, and once he's in the water, he forgets all about them, reveling in the coollnes of it, diving down, splashing around. Feeling a little like a child again. and then, lying down in the sunshine to dry off with a book, listening to the peaceful calling of birds.

.....

Jan discovers Bojan has a tattoo. Perhaps sometime when they're lying together, talking, exchanging gentle touches, but there's nothing sexual there. Not yet. They haven't even seen each other naked yet, Bojan always feeding by carefully drawing aside Jan's collar. But it's hot, and he's wearing short-shorts, and his thigh is very, very visible.

"I've always wanted a tattoo," Jan admits.

Bojan doesn't ask why he didn't get one. They both know. His body wasn't his; it had been kept pristine for eighteen years in order to be given to someone else. A perfect blank slate.

"Do you still want one?" he asks.

"Yeah," he admits. "But I know I can't," he adds, so that Bojan doesn't think he doesn't know his place.

"Why not?" Bojan asks softly. Patiently.

"Because - " the words almost spill out so easily. Because his body belongs to Bojan. Because it's Bojan's choice. Because Bojan owns him. But as soon as he thinks it, he remembers what Bojan has been so patiently reiterating, and he's been so slowly learning.

"I don't own you," Bojan reiterates, once he's seen the comprehension in Jan's eyes. "Gaspar was wrong to believe otherwise, and wrong to make you believe it too."

"It wasn't just Gaspar," Jan says quietly. "My upbringing - we're trained, you know." He's never told Bojan much about that part. "Brought up to be the perfect bride. They teach us to obey, and to serve, and they instill in us that we all but belong to our husband."

"Well, they're all wrong," Bojan says. "A marriage is a contract, a vow, a promise. It's not ownership. If you want a tattoo, you should get a tattoo. And," he adds, "if you need my permission, you have it."

Jan loves him all the more for that last part. Because he's been slowly learning this lesson, that his body is his and Bojan doesn't own him, but it's a frightening, terrifying fact to stare at head-on sometimes, one that makes him feel helpless and unmoored. He feels paralyzed by it. But Bojan's permission - even if it's permission to do whatever he wants to do - is like a comforting touch in the darkness.

Bojan accompanies him to the tattoo parlor. Jan could have managed on his own, he suspects, but it's comforting to have Bojan there, not to mention it gets rid of a lot of difficulties and questions such as "did your husband give you permission?" that he'd inevitably be asked otherwise.

"My husband would like a tattoo," he informs them at the parlor, and they don't ask beyond that. They don't ask whether it's really Jan who wants the tattoo, and Bojan is indulging him, or if it's really Bojan's desire. They merely nod and say "of course, my lord. Right this way."

He takes off his shirt. He's aware of the gazes on him, and he thought he'd hate them more, but he doesn't. With Bojan's presence here, he feels calm.

"Tell them what you want," Bojan encourages. And though the artist is startled that Jan seems to be the one doing the deciding here, they don't dare say anything. Perhaps they think he's being an indulgent husband and Jan has pleased him enough to merit such indulgence?

He tries not to think about it and simply explains how he'd like a hummingbird, bright and colorful, over his ribs, on the left side, its needlelike beak pointing to his heart.

The artist busies himself making a sketch, while the man who seems like the owner turns to them with a serious expression.

"We can do what you desire, but you should know the task is...more complicated when the subject is a hunter."

"Complicated how?" Bojan asks.

"A tattoo is an injury to the body. Without the injury, the mark would not be permanent. And hunters are ...more durable. They heal faster, more easily," the man explains, facing Bojan more than Jan. "The process therefore requires magic, to slow the healing, to make the image permanent. It also increases the level of pain," he adds, seemingly an afterthought for Bojan to consider.

"I see," Bojan says. "And I assume you can work this magic?"

"Our artist can," the man assures him. "Should you desire it."

Bojan tactfully doesn't correct him as to whose desire is involved here. He merely looks at Jan questioningly.

Jan simply nods at him. Whatever pain they speak off, he has no doubt it will be negligible compared to what Gaspar put him through regularly.

And, when they take the needle to his skin, it really is....well, not negligible, but. It is far from the worst he'd endured.

Gaspar had always loved his cries, his screams, his pain, so he'd learned not to hold them back. To let them fall from his lips, though the irony was, the more Gaspar put him through, the more used he became to pain, the more it required to draw cries from him. And Gaspar could always tell if he was faking. So now, with the fine needle stabbing his skin, he winces slightly, but it's far from drawing any sort of cry from him. It's quite easy, in fact, to lie back and let his mind wander.

Bojan sits by him, playing with his hair and twining their fingers together. He finds he enjoys the comforting touch, and then Bojan distracts him, starts telling him the story behind his own tattoo, and before he knows it, it's over. They're finished, with instructions on how to care for it - again given to Bojan rather than Jan.

#vampire!bojan #tattoos #can you tell I want a tattoo

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