#literally 4 am in the morning yet woke up being sad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lyonfreddie · 1 year

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prolonged wailing and gnashing of teeth under the cut!!!

let me just preface this by saying that i never get super personal on here anymore but i really just need to vent!!!!

i love my job mostly because i love my coworkers. i work in development/fundraising at a pretty big museum and our team of 5 is all a bunch of young professional women with Good Taste and Witty Banter. like we are all successionpilled. i would hate my job so much if i didn’t work with these people. last week, my favorite coworker announced she was moving to another city and got a job there to be with her long-distance fiancé (he got a tenure track job and obviously... cannot move lmao), and i was SO SAD because she is SO COOL and SO POISED and i want to be just like her, but i took comfort in the fact that we would still have 4/5 of our lovely team still together.

and then my boss pulls me aside first thing this morning and tells me SHE’S LEAVING TO LMFAO

like. i’m literally going to go insane. after march 16, our team of 5 will be a team of 3, and we won’t have either a leadership giving manager OR a membership manager. i print member cards and assemble renewal/new member packets once a week each week as my Big Project but before my boss leaves she’s going to teach me how to do pretty much everything she does that she hasn’t taught me yet. which is really, really nice of her, and also kind of a vote of confidence—i seriously doubt she would take another job if she wasn’t absolutely sure she was leaving her membership program in capable hands.

my boss is the best boss i’ve ever had. she’s so organized and she knows everything about our museum’s institutional history because she was working there before it was even built. she has always given me clear instructions and honest feedback and she’s just so, so funny. she’s great. we’re practically the same person and have the same interests. and i still have so much left to learn from her. it almost feels unfair that she’s leaving, but i’m an actual adult now and i know this is the correct career move for her. she’s not even going that far. she’s going to work at another museum that is like 800 feet away from us.

but i’m still SO fucking sad. i’ve been crying on and off all day, including at work, where i had to hold it all in. the major gifts officer saw me at the printer and was like ‘you must be feeling sad, huh’ and all i could say was ‘yeah’ and she patted me on the back and i almost lost it in the middle of the office. like... GOD

it’s so embarrassing. i pride myself on being very cool and calm and collected, and the rest of my team always tells me it’s nice how i’m so calm all the time, especially when we’re running events. but i literally walked home today and then sat on the floor of my apartment and bawled for 5 straight minutes until i was out of breath. lol. i am going to be a wreck for every single bit of their farewells and it is not going to be pretty. i’m so sad. i’m so scared. what the fuck.

i’ve also just like... been On Edge for the past week or so in a way that hasn’t really manifested since grad school. my first semester of grad school was when i developed really bad anxiety that only manifested as physical symptoms—nausea, diarrhea, constipation, loss of appetite, insomnia, weird painful muscle cramps, etc. to the point where i literally thought i was on the verge of death! i’ve been reading a book about the salem witch trials and couldn’t help but notice that the “fits” described by the “afflicted” were weirdly similar to how my anxiety jumped out, save for, like, hallucinations. it’s a good book and i want to finish it but just thinking about the similarities almost gave me a panic attack one night... which is crazy. and then i woke up this morning and found out my stupid hemorrhoid is flaring up again. which, in retrospect, just seems like an omen. lmao.

if there is any silver lining to this at all, it’s that there is a possibility i may be promoted to membership manager. i’m currently at the coordinator level, but when my boss broke the news to me, she said that we’d be working with our external membership consultant (who i’ve met! she’s great.) to help keep renewal notices and regular mailings going out. presumable until i’m up to speed. i’ve been at this museum for over a year, and full-time for 7 months. they might wait a few months, until i get closer to a year as a FT employee. or they might just hire a new boss for me. i’m ok staying at the coordinator level for a little while longer; it’s nice not having to worry a TON about budgets and financial goals. but i could probably do it if pressed. and getting a big ass salary bump would be nice.

if you made it all the way to the end, thank you for being cringe with me 🤝 the reason this is here and not in my journal is because there was clearly too much to put into my journal without having my hand cramp up. i’ll be ok. i’ll get through this. but it’s gonna fucking suck 😭

#i don't have a work tag and i don't plan to have a work tag but this... is about work LOL #going to go cry in the shower and take a bath and be in bed by 10:30 gnight ✌🏻

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soft-boi-eli · 3 years

Note

Hello Hello!

I just wanted to say I love your fics!

ALSO!

Could I request a CC!SBI X Gn! Insomniac Reader! Where the reader is an insomniac (Obviously-) but is somehow a pro at MC!

Like they are basically god at the game! They also REALLY enjoy horror games! They don’t get scared easily and LOVE horror movies! They basically love anything horror/creepy-

ANYWAYS!!

The reader lives off of ramen and Monster energy drinks (For fun-)! They have a Twitch (Which has about 18 mil followers and 14 mil subs!) and a YouTube channel (Which has 20 mil followers!)

They mainly play horror games (Obviously-) and MC!

You can do headcanons or scenarios/images with the SBI! Maybe like playing a horror game together or MC? OR! Maybe some things they do together? Or when they meet up? Or-to many ideas Nightmare-

ANYWAYS!

I don’t really care! And don’t worry about taking too long on it!

ALSO!

Maybe we could be friends? Only if you want too!

Remember to eat, drink, and get enough sleep!

Yes. I lovesthese ideas and I'm gonna choose headcannons due to they are a bit easierfor me to write.

And yes I'm perfectly fine with being your friend! I'm actually happy to make friends on this app so yeah!

Pronouns:nonbinary

Tw: cussing. Insomia, mentions of horror movies. Mention of horror games. Fluff.

SBI with a horror streamer friend head cannons.

*Ahem* tommy wanted to paly a game with you so you choose a game that didn't look like horror until the middle. He screamed at the jump scare and it made both of your chats so happy.

When phil decides to play with you there is literally a silence after a jump scare. Everyone thought he had a heart attack and honestly so did you until he spoke up about accidently hitting his mute button when he jumped.

Wilbur. He's a bit better then tommy but more scared then phil would be. Any little noise won't get him but when it starts to get noticeable the noiseless to him. The jump scare, he'd fall out of his seat and stay on the ground for a bit. You ask if he's good and he literally doesn't answer. He's dead. You killed him. Congrats.

Techno. He'd handle them a bit better then everyone else. Not as good as you but heisnt very paranoid. He literally runs at the noises trying to get jumpscared. While you run after him telling him to stop because if he doesn't then you'd lose and die. And technoblade never dies.

If you all play together both tommy and wilbur pussy out. Techno last the longest and phil the second longest. While you remain the ruler of horror games.

Now how you all met was dream invited you to the dream smp to add to the chaos. Needless to say it got extremely chaotic due to you being on almost 24 hours. You first ran into techno. He seemed confused and skeptical.

You both found eachothers love for potatoes. You set up camp quote close to techno but not too close.

Phil popped in when he needed something for a build and noticed a new name. Talked to you in chat and asked to join your VC. You both found each other talking for a bit.

Wilbur was next. Wilbur got curious over the new person and just hoppedinto the same VC as you techno and phil. He was quick to realize that you were a famous youtuber. Mainly for your horror videos and your extreme Parkcore skills.

In minecraft that is.

Tommy noticing that all of you were in the same VC joined in with shouting. He was low key jealous that everyone was obsessed with you. Then he saw why.

You literally cracked jokes at his shouting.

"Is that an angry pomeranian? Nah nah. It's an angry child. Even better an angry blonde!" - you.

He was shocked and immediately started joking and laughing with you. He wasn't fully angry for long.

Now about your diet. When they heard that you had only eaten ramen and drank angry drinks they were concerned. You lived quite close to techno so when you guys met up he was shocked that you looked as healthy as you did.

He hated the fact that you literally didn't eat anything else.

You told him occasionally you have something other then ramen but you were just too lazy to really cook anything and that you didn't feel like burning the house down.

One month phil, tommy, wilbur, and techno decided to organize a month long sleep over so that they could celebrate your birthday. Phil being quote the father figure cooked different, but easy dinners every night just so you didn't eat only ramen that day.

When they actually arrived though you got a text from Phil asking about your address in your dms. Not think much of it you just sent him your location.

You were going to take a small nap. Just to bost your energy before you went and streamed later that night.

As you were sleeping there was a car heading to your house.

Phil, wilbur, tommy, and techno were all just existing in the car. And when they arrived to your house they didn't expect to actually see a clean house.

You woke to a loud knock.

When you opened the door in your half dazed state you expected a package. But to see four people standing on your porch.

You nearly jumped out of your skin.

You were stuck there blinking at them.

Finally snapping out of it you let them in. Confused on why in the ever loving fuck they were here.

Phil explained they were here to celebrate your 21st birthday and they were here for a month.

You stared at them for a while. Confused on what to do since you haven't had people over in almost 2 years.

But you got use to it.

So when you got done streaming and smelled something other then ramen you were thrown off guard. Like what was that. I haven't smelled that in years.

But after the second day you got use to it too.

For your birthday phil literally made a feast.

Like he found your favorite food other then ramen and cooked it. With that he prepared everything you could dream of.

Your sleeping habits. Let's dig into those.

I'm in no place to talk as right now it's 3:05 in the morning. And here I am.

But when they are over they don't let you stay up till no 3-4 in the morning. They all know the importance of sleep.

But there are those nights where no once can sleep and it results in a late night stream. And streaming for hours none the less.

The amount of accidental all nighters everyone has pulled was immense. But that's what happens with jet lag, adhd, and insomnia.

Literally you get tired randomly. Sleep for only 3 hours. Wake up. Drink coffee, energy drinks, highly caffeinated tea. And don't sleep till late at night.

Pillow forts.

It's a must and it happens. Horror movies, pillow forts, and snacks. Like you all are in this massive fort, watching horror movies, one by one you all are falling asleep. You and techno were the last up due to technos active mind and your body not letting you sleep.

You two literally just vide there, changing the movies from horror to some silly animated movies, like how to train your dragon, frozen, Luca, and many others.

You two pull an all nighter and it's actually a bet to see how long anyone else takes to notice.

You bet an hour. Techno says all day.

You won. Philza notices the worse eye bags under both you and technos eyes and immediately starts scolding.

He is papa bird and he won't let anyone of his children neglect their needs.

"Did you even drink water at all? You guys should of been sleeping not binge watching horror movies all night!" -philza

You could only offer a smirk, along with a laugh.

"I think we did I just can't fully remember. Also we were watching animated films. Not horror. Surprised you didn't wake up to let it go." - you.

You turn to techno.

"You owe me 15 bucks pig boy!"-you again.

Handing you the money he rolls his eyes. "Yeha yeah. Rub it in." -techno.

Ah yeah they found a horror game that you were scared of surprisingly. It was actually surprisingly you hadn't played it yet.

Outlast.

You had been holding off that game until you finished your other one but here you were. Bored out of your mind.

So you decided fuck it.

That game teriffed the shit out of you. It was so good though.

When you screamed they all came rushing up due to the fact that you never scream.

They say you out of your chair, on the floor, blinking. They thought you were hurt.

But you sat up and looked at your computer.

"Damn. That was actually really good." When you looked behind you and found the boys all staring you smiled and waved.

"You need something?"-you

"You screamed. We heard a thud. We thought you fuckin died!" -tommy.

"No I'm alive. My soul almost divorced my body but it's still quite here."-you

That day made highlights.

The popular y/n actually got jump scared. The one person who never screamed at horror games screamed.

When they left you were sad yes but they were still your best friends. Ready to talk when ever you want.

Sometimes I think that you guys talk all through out the night. Them forgetting that you were actually in a different time zone.

Sometimes they pop into your streams, be it MC, horror, you just talking to your fans, or even the once in the blue moon, cheerful games.

They just pop in and start talking to you. And you talk back like they were there since the beginning.

Phil is now one of your moderators too. Along with tommy, wilbur, and techno. When they pop in they make sure no one picks on you.

And since you are now close to the SBI. You are now part of it.

You didn't choose the fans did. But they are your new family. No matter what.

Even if they disagree with your eating habit.

Or energy drink addiction.

Or insomnia.

Or you mainly playing horror games.

Or you basically living in your streaming room.

Or even the nearly 24 hour streams.

I could go on but I'm not gonna.

I'm tired. But I can sleep. 2 days and I get to have a tour of my new school.

And it took so long to finally get into it.

We have been going through a huge hassle even before school started to get me enrolled.

And then we had to get me into this program.

But now on Monday I get to go in. Get a tour. Then start either Tuesday or Wednesday.

Anyway hope you liked. It's now 3:50 and it's no proof read I'm sorry

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empress-simps · 3 years

Note

it is i, your friendly neighborhood 'squishy cheeks' requester!! upon this gorgeous day, i have arrived to tell you how much i loved my squishy cheeks reader ask!!! it was amazing i think my heart skipped like 10 beats!!! (´ε｀ )

so with that, may i request again a scenario with gn!reader(and yuuji, megumi and gojo) who had just woken up from a bad dream and goes to ✨the boys✨ for comfort? but they just end up talking for hours and hours until it's literally morning? imagine the others walking to their dorm and hearing these two idiots talking about snail facts at 4 am lolololo sorry precious sleep but snail facts are more important‼️‼️

did you know snails can take up to 3 year naps? i'd wish to be a snail but then i wouldn't be able to read ur works and that would make me sad :(

thank u for reading and take care of urself! ♡(ӦｖӦ｡) have a nice morning/day/evening darling!!! ♥️♥️♥️

Comforting their s/o from a bad dream

▪︎Featuring: Itadori Yuuji, Fushiguro Megumi and Gojo Satoru from Jujutsu Kaisen

▪︎Pronouns: They/Them [Gn! Reader]

▪︎Genre: Fluff and light crack

▪︎Warnings: NOT EDITED SO THERE WILL BE TYPOS/GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, a little angst and awesome snail facts you probably couldn't handle

Note: DANG IT THIS IS SO CUTE I- thankyou love aaack ur so sweet! I didnt know snails can take 3 year naps- time to research *cracks my knuckles* HOPE U LIKE IT! ALSO SORRY FOR THE DELAY I TOOK A SHORT BREAK FROM WRITING

》 Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

》 Main Masterlist

You woke up with a start.

Your eyes darted around the room as beads of sweat gathered on your body along with a shaky and clammy hands.

You took a few steps and that lesd you to where you are right now. Your boyfriend's room. For a second you hesitated knocking ont wooden door but your worries were pushed aside when a sleepy Yuuji opened the door.

"Yuuji.." You mumbled and hugged the sleepy boy who wrapped his arms around yours. "Do you want a snack?" He asked, still disoriented to see the state you were in. "No.." you mumbled, that's when he noticed and all evidence of him being sleepy was gone and he's now checking you for any possible injury.

"Are you hurt?"

"No.. well, not physically." YUJI IF U DONT CUDDLE THEM I'LL BEAT YOU-

Yuji pulls ypu in and shuts the door, giving ypu both some privacy from the outside world.

Three hours later and you're holding your hands in your hair as Yuuji patted ypur back.

"It's alright honey.." He mjmbled and rubbed your back.

Megumi, who was about to go for his morning run paused behind Yuuji's door, leaning a bit. He grew alarmed when he felt the room was silent and heavy, resulting in him pressing his ear against the door vowing to beat Yuuji if he did something to you.

"They can take three year naps but some of them can only live up to three years Yu! THEY'VE MISSED OUT SO MUCH!" You exclaimed, putting your hands up in despair as Yuji akwardly tried to comfort you through your crisis. Please help this poor boi he's so lost, any will do

"I'm sure they didn't-"

"HOW WOULD WE KNOW!? WE AREN'T SNAILS!" You flailed your arms around startling Yuji and Megumi who was still listening in.

"This is stupid.. can't they be a normal pair for once" He groaned, putting his earphones in while sporting a mildly dsitrubed face for the whole day.

"Gumi... Can I come in?"

You didn't even have to knock when the door swung open and hugged you tightly. The faint smell of Megumi clinging to your skin the longer time you both hug.

"Bad dream?"

"Yep."

"Cuddles??"

"Yes.. but can we talk?"

Megumi almost had a heart attack as he nods nervously, "You're not breaking up with me are you?" He worries, making you laugh. He's just there like 💧👁👄👁💧

"No, you stupid. I just wanna talk about stuff to get my head of.. you know.." you mumbled, he breathed out a sigh of relief and nuzzled his face in your neck. "Of course, my love."

And there you are, in the crack of dawn spewing animal facts to your boyfriend while laying on his lap.

"Do you now snails constantly cry?" You asked, playing with his hands as he quirked an eyebrow at you. "Really? Why?"

You shrugged your shoulder, "Dunno. Science." Resulting in him laughing and ruffling your hair.

"Are you giys into snails..?" Yuji mumbled, horrified. How he managed to enter Fushiguro's room undetected remains a mystery.

Megumi furrowed his brows, "What? No- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? HOW DID YOU ENTER!?"He yelled while his bestfriend panics.

"I JUST WANNA ASK IF YOU HAVE RAMEN!"

Megumi clicked his tounge, "I don't have one! Get lost!"

"Well can you ask Y/n if they have ramen?"

"Nope. Sorry, I ran out.." You shrugged and apologized, making Yuji sigh in defeat and mumble dissapointedly as he leaves the room.

If anyone of you has spare ramen please donate it to him HE'S STARVING

Truth to be told, Megumi keeps a hidden stash of ramen inside his room. If it weren't for you sitting in his lap and looking adorable he would give some to Yuji.

Now this man right here just bursts into yiur room unannounced. He would just embrace you and ask what's wrong.

Its like he has a built in sensor

"Satoru...? Why are you-"

"Sh.. I'm here..." he mumbles, nuzzlingbyour neck as you just spent some time inhaling his cologne and hearing his calm and steady heartbeat that eases your worry away.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe not now.." you mumbled. He hummed and nodded "I see."

Now he's gonna make it a mission to get your mind off the dream that you had with the most random thing.

Animal facts.

Ngl, you didn't know if you'd be annoyed with him or just let him ramble since you'll feel bad. He's just trying to make you feel better after all.

"Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby."

Just as about you thought he ran out of actually interesting facts he pokes you and calls your name repeatedly. Like a toddler.

You internally groaned, "I'm notgonna embarass myself again Gojo. Don't try to test my knowledge about this.

He let out a laugh, "honey, I'm not embarassing you! Now, did you know some snails have hair on their shells-"

"What?" You made a disgusted face to your lover as he laughed and tried to show you pictures. "No! I don't wanna see- Gojo Satoru!" You shriveled as he made you look, laughing at your weirded out face.

"I shouldn't have listened in..." Nanami mumbled as he walked away, clearly tired from the antics he heard from the door. "The day hasn't even started yet they're making me tired already.."

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spenciegoob · 3 years

Text

Who Needs Luck?

A/N: hi! I solely wrote this because of my 3 recent visits to NY (no, I sadly did not meet mgg)... plus i’ve been going there my whole life.. this is becoming the longest authors note, but as i’m writing I just want to say the people who work at food trucks in nyc are the nicest people ever, ask them about their day (AND TIP OMG PLS)

Summary: Reader invites Spencer to go to New York City with her where he finally sees the beauty right in front of him.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff!

Content Warnings: reader can’t drive very well (I apologize if this is a callout post), slight road rage, language

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.4K

____

I never considered myself a lucky man. Life had proven time and time again that no matter how many four leaf clovers I set out to search for, how many pennies on the ground faced heads up I stumbled across, luck was never on my side. I’ve learned to live with it, accepted my fate as the world’s smartest punching bag long before I was even in college.

But then I met her, and as cheesy as it sounds, I didn’t need luck that morning.

The second I woke up, the universe seemed to have it out for me specifically. I swung my legs over my bed, and in my half asleep daze stepped on my glasses, successfully breaking them. Unable to see on my short trip to the bathroom, I stubbed my toe… twice. Once I finally finished my morning routine more methodically, I walked out of my apartment only to bump into a stranger, sending the coffee she was holding all the both of us.

I had tried to apologize so many times, cutting my words short when they didn’t feel right. I had gotten through a series of “I’m, uh, oh, I, you,” before her smile interrupted my thought process, leaving me awestruck instead.

“That’s okay, but you owe me a coffee now.” She giggled, actually giggled, even with the scorching liquid causing her shirt to stick to her body. “Maybe… together?”

I didn’t hesitate to agree, taking her up on the offer that weekend and never looking back. Even when a loud crash, followed by a quiet, harsh ‘shit’ woke me up in a startle, there was no regret. Maybe just a little concern for my girlfriend who now that my eyes have adjusted to the darkness, can be seen holding her knee on the floor of our bedroom.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered out, grabbing onto the dresser to stand straight again. Once she was on her feet, she came over to sit on the edge of our bed, immediately running her fingers through my hair. If I wasn’t so worried about her knee, I probably would’ve fell asleep again.

“Are you okay?” She giggled at my scratchy morning voice before nodding her head. It’s then I realized how the sun hasn’t even begun to rise, the room still pitchblack. “What are you doing up?”

“Getting ready to go to the city, sleepyhead,” she said as if it was the most obvious answer, but truthfully, it left me with more questions.

“At... 5 am?” I sat up, glancing at the alarm clock three times just to make sure I was reading it right. She may have always been a little strange, but usually at a reasonable hour.

At this, she stood up to continue getting ready for the very early morning. Now I notice why she fell, the piles of clothes leading to the closet had to have at least half of her outfits compiled together.

“Well, yeah. I want to get there before noon.” Even in my perplexed state, I rose from the bed and carefully tiptoed around haphazardly thrown clothes to reach her.

While wrapping my arms around her waist still hidden under my t-shirt, I questioned. “It’s right outside? You have 7 hours.”

She turned to look at me funny as if I wasn’t the one digging through clothes and waking up before dawn to walk literally 5 minutes to my desired location. My eyebrows must have subconsciously furrowed at one point, because she brought her hand up to stroke her thumb on my forehead. Immediately, I felt the tension melt, no longer caring to correct my confusion. She still did it anyway.

“Not DC, silly. New York!” I wish it were untrue, but my heart dropped at her words. She was leaving, going to a city I wasn’t familiar with beyond reading about, solving cases, and memorizing subway maps. Is this how she feels every time I board that jet?

“W-what? You’re just going to New York City?” I inwardly cringed at how desperate and sad I sounded, but I really didn’t want her to leave.

“Mhm,” she mumbled, turning back around to return digging in her closet.

“For how long?” Please change your mind. Please change your mind. Please change you-

Realizing that I was fully awake, she let out a boisterous laugh, allowing the way it bounced off our four little walls to return back to us. It was a sound most treasured. “I was hoping to get back around 9.”

“What?” I leaned back to look at her like she was absolutely preposterous. I mean, she was!

“Roadtrip!”

That’s how I found myself in the passenger seat of her car, no coffee in my hand because I wasn’t allowed until I have “a real cup of coffee.” Whatever the hell that means better happen soon, because as much as I loved watching the way she concentrates on the road in front of her, my eyes were starting to droop.

“It’s going to be another 4 hours. You can sleep, my love.” How she knew me so well, I will never be able to figure out, but I was out before we even made it across state borders.

That however, didn’t last very long. My girlfriend may be short and sweet, but behind the wheel? That’s a different story. The horn to her car is a very familiar sound when I’m jolted awake by a sudden stop.

“Really, asshole? Go!” She yelled, slamming her hand against the top of the steering wheel before looking over at me. “Hey, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to wake you yet. I forgot how awful drivers are here.”

“Where is here exactly?” I questioned, sitting up from my slouched position to find cars practically on top of each other on a road not wide enough for two lanes.

“New Jersey. We’re 10 minutes away.” Wow, I didn’t realize I slept for that long, and I have to admit I’m a little surprised I wasn’t woken up sooner.

“How are we 10 minutes away? It’s at least another 30 to get to the tunnel.” Looking at our surroundings didn’t help me determine our exact location. To the left of us, there were dozens of graffiti murals on the side of what I assumed was another elevated highway. To the right, sidestreets with local businesses ranging from auto repair shops to fast food joints to gyms.

“Nuh uh, stop analyzing mister. You’ll know when we get there.” She waved a finger in my directions, putting a pin in my scrutinization. I pouted right back, successfully playing along to the theme of her scolding me like a 5 year old.

“I don’t like surprises you know.” It was the truth, but her contagious laughter that filled the car made me slightly less disinclined to stop asking questions.

“Oh I know, but trust me, you’ll like this one.” She went to go reach over to grab my hand from where it was resting in my lap, but stopped short and retracted in favor of slamming the horn. “Oh, come on!”

***

“So you drove to a train station... in New Jersey?” I asked while she was… attempting to park the car.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been taking this route since I was a little girl.” Once she finally figured out how to evenly space a two door convertible in a very spacious parking spot, she unbuckled her seatbelt, and was quick to grab her bag from the backseat. “Well, come on mister, we’re going to miss the train.”

To be quite honest, I have never been so lost in my life. I could probably pinpoint our exact location on a map if I wanted to, granted I was given any sort of information, but part of me didn’t want to. Scratch that, all of me didn’t want to, because my entire life has been planned out in front of me before, but right now, I get to be spontaneous with the most beautiful girl on the planet.

“Don’t let go of my hand,” she told me, lacing our fingers together and pulling me forward. “Don’t stop to look around, you will get pushed.”

We made it inside, and if I thought the DC transit system was bustling with people constantly, this place was so much worse. There were hallways left and right, all packed with people in a rush. It seems everybody had some place to be and zero time to get there.

“Upstairs.” We walked up two flights before reaching a platform, buying our tickets and making it just in time for a train to arrive. “I know they come every 8 minutes, but thank god we made this one,” she said as she sat down.

The cart we were in wasn’t too crowded, and once I finally found a map on the wall across from us, I saw that it was a direct ride to the World Trade Center.

“You said you took this train when you were little?”

“Yeah, I went to the city a lot as a kid. This was the easiest, and the cheapest way there.” A small smile played at her lips, obviously the product of some childhood memory. “I used to hop it.”

“Of course you did,” I laughed back with her, thinking about how an innocent looking child would be the first person to get away with sneaking onto the train.

***

“I said it before, I will say it again. Do not let go of my hand.” This time it was more stern, and if I were being honest, I would say that it got me the slightest bit nervous. She must have noticed, she always does, because she continued. “Don’t worry, it just gets congested and I don’t want to lose you.”

She was right about that, it indeed was very congested, but that was okay because she was holding my hand, and I would follow her just about anywhere if it meant she kept looking over her shoulder and smiling when she saw me. Once we made it across the way, and in front of heavy looking glass doors, she turned to me and started walking backwards.

“You okay? This is definitely not off to a great start.” She was wrong, it was off to a perfect start.

“Yeah, I’m okay, but you might want to watch where you’re going,” I said before her back hit the door.

“Please I can get here with my eyes closed.” And then we were outside, and all 5 of my senses were hit immediately. The sun was shining down on us, and before I could complain about not bringing my sunglasses, she handed them to me. My heart fluttered at the innocent act, taking the sunglasses with such gratitude even though she had already moved on to retrieve hers. “Do you smell that?” She asked.

“There are a lot of answers to that question,” I told her, not knowing if she was talking about the smell of the construction happening at the corner, the permanent garbage smell or something entirely different.

“The hotdogs, silly. Come on, there’s nothing like ‘em.” This time, I laced our fingers together, not because I was scared of losing her, I was, but I just really wanted to be closer to her. She didn’t mind, in fact, she let out a content hum and leaned her head on my arm as we walked to the stand.

“Can I get four hotdogs with sauerkraut and two grape sodas,” she asked the vendor, who politely nodded before moving on to prepare our food.

“You’re going to have a heart attack by 35,” I said as I nudged her with my shoulder. She gave me a small push back before answering.

“Is that a doctor’s diagnosis?” She asked as she took our now ready food into her hands, after paying the man before I even had time to blink. I just grabbed the two cans of soda and followed her where she was making a beeline for a park bench. “Watch out for skaters.”

“Yes, it is indeed a doctor's diagnosis.” I unwrapped one of the hotdogs before taking a bite. I closed my eyes and let out a content hum. “It may be a little worth it.”

“Exactly.” We sat there quietly, enjoying the warm weather and sounds of wheels against pavement. At one point, she rested her head against my shoulder, and I am convinced wherever she went would be Heaven.

***

“Are your eyes closed?” We found ourselves with both our hands interlocked, my eyes closed while she walked backwards. I gave an ‘mhm’ before she continued. “We’re here, just keep them closed, and…” her words trailed off. “Okay open.”

I opened my eyes to her holding her arms out in the middle of the largest bookstore I’ve ever seen. “Surprise!” My eyes were bouncing everywhere. It wasn’t too crowded, the large stairwell across the store catching my eye first. There were bookshelves tens of feet high, all loaded with different genres and authors. To the right of us, tiny knick knacks and pins and socks. It was beautiful.

“Wow,” I whispered out, still stuck in my place admiring our surroundings. She was beaming up at me, a hint of pride at her successfulness to drag me 6 hours away to the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.

“The Strand has always been my favorite place in the city. Come on, let’s go explore.” She grabbed my hands again, pulling me deeper into the store towards a shelf labeled adult fiction.

***

Six books, three pairs of socks and a postcard later, we were back on the busy streets of New York, aimlessly walking and admiring the tall buildings and different attractions. Well she was, I was admiring the way she was looking around like it was her first time here. Maybe I should have been paying more attention to our surroundings, but no amount of skyscrapers or fountains could possibly ever match up to her level of beauty.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” I asked randomly, startling her into jumping a tiny bit before giggling. She stopped us, turning to face me fully before reaching up to grab my face in her hands.

“Once or twice.” The kiss we shared on the New York streets were no different than the ones before, but this time, it felt like a silent promise. A passing between two lovers that no matter where we are, our love is the most beautiful thing there is. “I love you too, dork.”

___

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desthesleepdeprivedwriter · 3 years

Text

Happy Birthday

It was 3 am, and Purpled wasn't able to sleep.

He was quietly sitting in his room, petting DogChamp while he was sleeping. Purpled eyes couldn't stop staring at the date showing in his communicator, a strange feeling slowly consuming him.

7th of July.

Purpled's birthday.

He sighed, deciding to do the same he did every year: get a small cupcake, place a match on it, and eat in the early morning. It wasn't a big deal, really.

He left his little tent, heading over towards the restaurant in Las Nevadas. It wasn't open for the public yet, but it was the only place they could have access to a proper kitchen. Purpled opened the Staff Only door, hearing the strange banging of pans and someone whispering swears. Probably another resident trying to have a night snack, Purpled couldn't blame them at all. He stepped in and stopped right away.

Well, he didn't expect to see Fundy in an apron, mixing something in a bowl and an immense mess around him.

"Uh… what are you doing here?" Fundy asked, immediately noticing Purpled's presence.

"What are you baking?" Purpled asked back, not wanting to answer.

"I asked first." Fundy replied, crossing his arms.

Purples sighed, no patience for that at the moment. "I just came here to eat something. Now, you go."

Fundy's ears twitched a little before pressing against his head. "I'm… baking a cake." He muttered, going back to mixing the ingredients.

Purpled, for a split of second, got happy with the info, but quickly dismissed it. No way it could be for him, just one person knew his birthday and Fundy certainly wasn't him.

Purpled noticed orange and green food coloring placed on the table, curiosity now flooding in. "So, did you just get a craving for cake in the middle of the night?" he played as a joke, going back to his search for a single cupcake.

"Nah, man… it's my birthday." Fundy replied, still talking in a low voice.

"No way!" Purpled said before he couldn't contain himself, getting himself into a mess as soon as Fundy stared at him, confusion all over his body language.

"What do you mean by 'no way'? It's not like being born on July 7th was a crime."

Purpled pondered his answers.

He could lie, say he didn't expect it, or that Fundy shouldn't bake the cake for his own birthday, or any shitty lie like that.

"It's my birthday too." It's what came out.

Fundy's eyes widened, then a smile appeared, to Purpled's surprise.

"Dude, that's neat!" Fundy said, now moving towards the cabinets in search for something. "Your favorite color is purple, right?" He stopped for a while, and then went back for the search. "Oh Void, that was a stupid question."

Purpled was still in place, watching as the fox picked a purple food coloring and went back to the cake making, adding more ingredients. "I just need to make more batter so we can have more cake, but it will be fine."

"Wait, wait… what are you doing?" Purpled approached Fundy, watching as he divided the dough into three different recipients. "Our birthday cake." He replied, pouring each food coloring into a different bowl and starting to mix.

"So… the colors represent us?" Purpled asked, just so he could be on the same page.

"Yep."

"Orange is you, purple is me."

"Yep."

"So, who is the green one?"

Fundy went silent for a while, and then opened a sad smile.

"Back before the revolution, when it was just us in a van… we didn't have so much money for food." Purpled didn't get the connection, so he kept waiting. "So, there couldn't be two cakes at my and Tubbo's birthday."

Fundy put each batter into a different cooking pan, putting one into the oven.

"So, Wilbur would bake a single cake, two layers, one orange, the other green." Fundy smiled a little, nostalgic. "It became a tradition, even after L'Manberg came to be."

He decided to use the other ovens in the kitchen, placing the other cooking pans.

"Each year, we had our birthday together, no matter what. Even if we were angry at each other, or we had to hide from the big bad dictator. One time, I had to enter his presidential office to force him to take his head out of the papers."

Purpled just listened in silence, quite in awe. Fundy was really someone that had lived through a lot, and somehow, still held on to little comforting traditions. It must be nice, having something like that.

"But… since L'Manberg has been gone…" Fundy sighed. "I kinda haven't celebrated my birthday. I decided to try this year." He laughed quietly. "And hey! This time I have you! It's not so pathetic."

Purpled chuckled, nodding along. "Well, it's the first time I celebrate my birthday with another person. It's not pathetic."

Fundy beamed, still in a good mood, and took the cakes out of the ovens. He waited for a little while, staring at Purpled, who just stared back. "Don't you think you are going to just watch. Come here and help me."

Purpled shrugged, taking a place right beside Fundy. They stacked one cake over the other, and started to decorate.

Minutes later, they had a somewhat pretty cake.

"It works." Fundy says, after thinking a little.

"It's the first time I decorate a cake, so it's beautiful."

"Eehh… At least it will taste good. It has chocolate." Fundy pointed out.

"Aren't foxes allergic to chocolate?"

"Irrelevant ."

They finished the icing and contemplated their creation before Fundy grabbed the plate, leaving the kitchen and hoping that Purpled would follow him, which he quickly did, even if he didn’t know where.

“If I ask where are you going, will you asnwer me?”

“I mean, it’s not only our birthday, is it?” Fundy contemplated as they passed the toll booth, making Purpled think a little. Yeah, it wasn’t only their birthday.

“Hey, so… Can I call someone else?” Purpled asked, communicator in hand already.

Fundy didn’t even finish saying yes and Purpled was already typing someone’s name into his contact info, waiting for just a few seconds until the other person answered his call.

“Punz? I need you to come over. Now.”

Meanwhile, Fundy was standing in front of a wall of lava. The heat was almost uncomfortable and was definitely unwelcoming. But Fundy had to come back home before Yogurt woke up, so he had a schedule to fill.

“Yo, Tubster!”

No replies.

“Cut the scene, I know you are there!”

Still no replies.

“I can literally see your shiny armor on top of the outpost, you idiot!”

Seconds of no answer, and then the lava started to go down. And so there he was, Tubbo Underscore, with the entire glory of someone who hasn’t slept in the last 2 days. Fundy knew that look pretty well.

“Why do you have a cake?”

Not a hello or good night. But Fundy was used to that.

“Do you know what day it is today?”

“Uuuuh…… Juuuuuunee..?”

Fundy waited to see if Tubbo was joking, all that was left it was silence.

“Tubbo…. That’s a month.”

“But it's the right month.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Are you sure of that, boss man?”

Fundy just stared, kinda worried for Tubbo, cake still in hands. “Today is July 7th.”

“Hm…”

They just stood there, Fundy being able to see the cogs turning in Tubbo’s head. Finally, it clicked. “Oh fuck! Today is July 7th!”

“Yes it is!”

“It’s our birthday!”

“Yeah!!!”

“Holy shit… I haven’t celebrated it since…”

Tubbo shut, eyes unfocused. Since L’Manberg was done. Since last time, at a tiny office with the height of presidential work on his shoulders.

“I know, I haven’t either.”

They faced each other again, and it was different now. It was a look that only them could have, suffering all of that. The cramped days at the van, L’Manberg, Schlatt, New L’Manberg. They could say something about it, some apologies, some “I missed it”, but they weren’t like that.

“I have a couple of cookies and regen potions at the back. Want me to get a couple of them for us two?” Tubbo smiled a little, trying to get back to their old routine.

“It's us three. There’s another birthday boy outside.”

“Wait, who?”

Purpled conveniently walked towards Fundy’s side, giving Tubbo a little wave. “Make it four, actually.” He showed the communicator. “I called Punz, also a ‘birthday boy’” He made quote marks in the air.

“Why do so many of us have the same birthday?” Fundy asked to no one in particular. Tubbo just shrugged, but Purpled had something to say about it.

“I mean, it’s not my actual birthday. I have no idea of when my birthday would be in this world.” He casually said, antennas slightly glowing in the night. “So, I just decided to snatch Punz’”

“Dude, I wish it was this easy to change birthdays.” Tubbo said, thinking. I’d change to something like…”

“4/20.”

“Fundy, you’re a genius”

“I know.”

Purpled smiled a little listening to them talking. It was comfortable, somehow, being part of something like that, even for one night. “I should have gone for 10/10” He added to the talk, taking out some blocks and starting to build a little desk for them to place the cake, outside of both Las Nevadas and the Cookie Outpost. Tubbo laughed, thinking about other funny birthdays while automatically helping. Fundy placed the cake on top of the desk, just staring.

“Wait. We have orange, purple and green. What’s Punz’ color?”

Purpled thought about it, but Tubbo already had a solution “The icing is white. He is white. Solved.”

“I’m what?”

Punz appeared out of nowhere, probably from an enderpearl. “You’re white, like the icing.” Tubbo explained.

“Also, you’re a birthday boy.” Fundy helped.

“There’s four of us” Purpled finalized.

Punz just stared at all four, letting out a sigh and taking off his armour. "Really, Purpled? I thought you were in trouble.”

“I’m never in trouble, you should be smarter than this.”

“You just… decided to throw a party?”

Purpled shaked his head, pointing towards Fundy. “It was his idea.”

Punz looked at the other two, they were arguing over the number of candles. Fundy wanted to put only four, Tubbo wanted to put as many as it could fit. For a moment, Punz could see two different people there, fighting over stupid shit as a third one just stared, amused. It was so familiar, but so different. It hurt.

“But hey, you don’t have to stay if you doesn’t wa-”

“Get me a chair, it’s free food.”

Purpled smiled, a real one for once, and gave him a chair.

The four of them sat on the table, Fundy being the one to stood up after finally settling with a normal amount of candles on the cake.

“Ok, now we sing.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“We ain’t singing, bossman”

“It’s sad if it's for ourselves.”

“It’s not??”

Purpled saw this banter would drag until sunrise, so he picked a bottle, catching everyone's attention.

“Lets keep it simple, boys. Happy Birthday to us.”

Punz gave him a small smile back, grabbing a potion for himself. “We made it through another year, what a win.”

Tubbo laughed to himself, joining the toast. “Still one life left, gotta keep like that until next year.”

Fundy was the last one, a grateful smile on his face. “Glad we have each other this time.”

“If the cake is good, I will come to next year’s party.”

“So it was nice meeting you, Punz.” Tubbo joked, making the rest of the table laugh a little.

And there they stayed until the sunrise slowly appeared in the distance, bathing them in a golden, lazy light.

“Damn, this was fun.”

“Not the best cake, but I’ll come back.”

“Fuck off.”

Tubbo was asleep on the table, finally able to relax. Fundy poked him, with no reaction.

“I can carry him inside, don’t worry.” Punz guaranteed, getting up.

“Thanks man, I have to go before my kid wakes up.” Fundy smiled, getting the empty cake plate.

“You have a kid?”

“Yeah, his name is Yogurt and that gremlin needs to be kept on a leash.” Purpled interrupted, earning a weak slap from Fundy. “Shut up, my kid is not a gremlin, he has just a lot of energy.”

Punz laughed, picking up Tubbo like a sack of potatoes, still with no response. “Thanks for the party, guys.”

Fundy smiled back, waving. “Happy birthday, Punz.”

“Happy birthday, boys.”

And they walked in opposite paths.

----------------------------------------

Taglist!

@a-wild-rosette @fishjuice @blipblipimafish @thenerdistrying @beepboopgalaxies (bc i know u like my writing for some reason) @geminisync (bc i want ur clout) @oakskull (bc if i press u enough u will read it <3)

#Not a commission #fundy #tubbo #punz #purpled #dream smp #HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BIRTHDAY BOYS #hope u guys like it :D #i speedrun this

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wenevergotusedtoegypt · 2 years

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Monday, December 27, 2021

Pro tip: Do not host your in-laws in your 1st trimester when you’re not ready to tell them about the pregnancy yet unless you have like. The best relationship ever with them.

I’m just so done. I was nauseous and exhausted all day yesterday. My in-laws were over from 2pm-7pm (after we convinced them it wasn’t worth coming before my son’s nap because they’d just be sitting around til he woke up), after being around from 10:45am-7pm on Saturday and 11:30am-7pm Friday. I have been blaming some of how I’m feeling on the covid booster I got last week Thursday, which my MIL buys because she was down for like multiple days from hers. But it’s ups and downs instead of the linear improvement one would expect from that.

Apparently yesterday my MIL complained to my husband that she hasn’t gotten enough one-on-one time with me and it’s making her sad because she wants to bond with me.

Which like.

Ok first of all, you pretty much eliminated the chance that we will ever have any real bond when you decided to think the worst of me from literally day 1 of my marriage. At our wedding I was cutting the big challah at the head table. My mother and sister asked for a slice so I gave them one. My MIL did not ask for a slice so I did not give her one. Would it have been nice for me to ask if she would like one? Yeah, ok. But any normal person who really wanted to have a good relationship with a new DIL who had been nothing but polite to her until that point would have taken into consideration the fact that (a) I HAD BEEN FASTING ALL DAY AND STILL HADN’T GOTTEN A CHANCE TO EAT PROPERLY so maybe my brain wasn’t running on 100%, (b) I had just gotten married to someone I’d known for less than 4 months so maybe I was a little bit emotionally overwhelmed, and (c) people were coming up to me every 2 seconds to talk to me. Any normal person would have let that go and just, you know, asked for a slice of challah if she wanted one. But instead my MIL called my husband crying about it days later because she took it as a personal and intentional slight and also somehow blamed it on my mother? Don’t even ask me how that logic worked. That wasn’t the only time she’s invented a personal slight but it was literally the very first day and that’s it. That’s the tone she set for our relationship. Interacting with her or not interacting with her is just constantly walking on eggshells wondering what minor ridiculous thing might result in her literally crying to my husband about how terrible I am to her when she just wants to bond (always to him, never to me, she has literally never tried to have a conversation with me about being hurt or wanting to bond or any of this). Not a prime bonding environment.

But second of all she does not even try to make one-on-one time with me!! My dad goes on errands and to shul and whatever with my husband when he comes and sits around talking with him and whatever. My mom cooks with my husband, that’s their thing. My MIL...shows up and I guess just assumes bonding will magically happen if I don’t hate her and that if it doesn’t happen it’s my fault. On Shabbos morning my husband and FIL were davening. My MIL does not daven on a regular basis but chose to daven as well. I’m not faulting her for davening - like, listen, if she felt drawn to do that mitzvah in that moment, that’s great. But meanwhile I was just there playing with my son and that would’ve been prime time to come talk to me. That was a choice she made and it’s not my fault she made it. She did the same thing when they were davening maariv after Shabbos went out. Yesterday my husband was out of the house for a bit and I was in my son’s room playing with him and she didn’t bother to come join, she just sat at the kitchen table. I finally brought out his toy that he was playing with to the kitchen and she proceeded to interact with only him. She has never invited me to go on a walk with her, or offered to help me with something, or suggested that my husband and FIL take my son somewhere and we stay back and have a chat. When is this bonding supposed to happen, exactly?

Anyway, point being, dealing with this while nauseous and trying to hide it is not great.

My MIL has already made reference to my husband about planning another trip in February and I think we’re both about at the point of just saying no, or at the very least saying it needs to be a lot shorter than this trip. I’m assuming she wants to come then because my husband’s next semester of classes isn’t starting til March and she likes to come when he isn’t busy with school (which I get) and that would be the last opportunity til mid-May. But it’s too freaking soon with how this trip has gone. Also, selfishly, I’ll be 12 weeks at the beginning of February KA”H , which is around when we’re currently planning to tell our parents and my sister about the pregnancy, and if ANYONE is going to be here around that time and get the announcement in person, I want it to be my family. I don’t know when my parents were thinking to visit next (they were last here for Thanksgiving), but they won’t want to do it at the same time as or too close to my in-laws’ visit to avoid overwhelming us. So if my in-laws visit in February, that probably means my family is getting the news from a distance.

#babyjournal 2.0 #roughly 6w5d

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glitxhwayventeen · 3 years

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Lonely Hearts Club

Seokmin: Chapter 4 (Let Your Heart Hold Fast)

Characters: Seokmin x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, fluff, implied toxic masculinity, food mentions, sexual mentions/jokes, mentions of the dead, mentions of potential violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written. Please let me know if I’ve missed anything!

Author’s Note: For those of you asking, yes Soonyoung is Seungcheol’s mate in all the story lines but his own. Don’t ask me why, I just see it this way. I’m trying not to make every single chapter for every single member super angsty but your girl is a simple sad bitch so I can’t help it. Also, if I made another Seventeen Werewolf AU in a different universe following a different concept, would you guys read it? Let me know pls because I have an idea but I don’t wanna make it if no one would be interested in it.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

☁️

Lonely Hearts Club Master List

Chapter 4: Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Since you had gotten back to the pack’s house, things had been going… pretty well actually. You were getting along well with everyone, you were getting used to staying in a house again, and you had pretty much become content with living with a bunch of other wolves. You were still a bit awkward with your mate. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it did make certain things… uncomfortable.

For instance, you guys stayed in the same room now. You figured there was no point in taking up a room if you were mates with one of the boys. It seemed selfish to you to continue to have your own. So instead, you began sleeping in the same room as Seokmin. He was beyond thrilled that you decided to stay with him, but your guys interactions got very… blurred. You weren’t sure what was okay and what wasn’t okay, neither was he.

So you usually slept on one side of the bed and he slept on the other, with a pillow in between the both of you to prevent touching. Still, you two always somehow managed to cuddle in your sleep and woke up in each other’s arms. THAT’S when it got awkward. You’d start to fumble around and get all embarrassed and he’d just be sitting there plain tongue tied at what was going on.

You weren’t even sure why you were nervous. The motherfucker had already seen every angle of your body naked, so what was the big deal? You couldn’t place it. Being around him now just made you feel so on edge. Seeing him or knowing he was near you had your fingers tingling from your palm to the tip of your middle finger, it felt like even your aura was shimmering due to his presence. Everything about him made every cell in your body was electrified. It was a strange feeling. And you always hoped your mate didn’t notice, but, unfortunately for you, he did notice.

He saw how scattered and frazzled you’d get whenever he’d get near you. He felt bad for it. But he couldn’t help but want to be near you, you were his whole world. You had been very kind to him and very caring towards him. You just didn’t really understand the whole ‘forever partners’ thing. He figured it would take you a lot of time to get used to having a mate again.

But the wolf part of him also just wanted to show you that he could be as good of a mate Cyrus was. He wanted to show you he was big and strong and able to be a good provider. He couldn’t help it, it was in his nature to be naturally competitive with your past partner. It was in his nature to want to protect you and want to be seen as someone you looked at as a safe place rather than someone you looked at like you had to protect yourself. He felt bad about it. He tried to suppress it, but he just couldn’t. The toxic masculinity of the wolf instinct just wouldn’t go away.

“Morning everyone!” you chirped as you all but skipped your way down the stairs to the kitchen, immediately locking eyes with your mate and feeling a heat rise to your cheeks instantly.

You were greeted with a wave of ‘mornings’ by the crowd now in front of you as you grabbed a bowl from one of the cabinets and began to pour yourself some cereal. You could feel Seokmin’s eyes on your every movement but you tried to brush it off as best you could and pretended not to notice.

You yawned a bit in tiredness before you sat down in an empty seat semi across from your mate. You were exhausted. Sleeping for you had become a bit better now that Seokmin slept next to you, but it had also become… uncomfortable for reasons you weren’t so sure you were ready to admit yet.

“Well it sounds like SOMEONE’s still tired!” Smirked Soonyoung, who was no doubt trying to make it sexual in nature. But it was truly just a yawn.

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, tired from you keeping me up all night from having to hear you jerk one out for the umpteenth night in a row. Seriously what’s it been now? 4 days running? 5? I can’t keep track anymore.” You responded with a sly grin on your face, much to the delight of your brothers who began a symphony of laughter at your smart reply.

“Hey it’s not my fault Cheol’s withholding sex!” He explained defensively as he crossed his arms over his chest in a huff.

Seungcheol just snickered and let out a, “But It IS your own damn fault” before he continued on eating his breakfast by stuffing a spoon full of it in his mouth. At this point, you had begun joining in on the others fun and we’re holding your stomach in amusement.

“No it’s not!” Soonyoung put his hand over his heart dramatically as if he were accused of something horrendous, “You’re just being ridiculous!” He snarled at his partner angrily while the rest of you were still dying of laughter.

“I’m not being ridiculous my love, you need to be taught lessons and with you, withholding sex is the only way you learn. Therefor, I withhold sex.” Cheol replied matter of factly with a mouth full of food.

Jihoon raised his face in disgust at their conversation, “Eww gross! I don’t want to think about you two fucking!”

After that, it seemed like the laughter died down enough to have a more civilized conversation. Well, as civilized as the pack’s conversations could really get with 13 boys in it.

“So we need to go to the market today, we’re running low on supplies. Who’s all gonna go?” Joshua asked aloud, praying literally anyone would want to go out as he absolutely hated going himself.

A lot of the boys had already gotten caught or had close calls in the village. There were only a select few who could now go to the market undetected. Joshua just happened to be one of them, but he refused to go alone. He could be charming when he needed to be, but he preferred someone else come with so that he could take the things they needed and couldn’t afford while they distracted the shop keepers.

“I can go!” You raised your hand cutely with a sweet smile on your face before anyone else could say anything. Though, you did hear a loud huff that came from in front of you out of Seokmin.

It wasn’t that he wanted you to have to stay inside all the time. But the town was DANGEROUS. They had already caught half of them on multiple occasions, soon, there wouldn’t be anyone left that could go out and get supplies. And when they were caught, the boys got REAL close to being hung up on some hunter’s mantle.

Werewolves and hunters had been at each other’s throats since before even the alphas were born. So of course he didn’t want the love of his life out in the middle of a war there’s no way the boys could possibly win. If something happened to you, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. But he knew you would never see the validity of his argument. Because of this, instead of arguing with you, he decided to make his displeasure known passively.

Joshua clapped his hands together with joy, “Perfect! So (Y/N)’s in. Anyone else?”

He wasn’t super concerned about being alone now that you were going with. He knew that he could probably compel one of the younger boys who hadn’t been seen to go with him too just for safe measure. But he figured he’d ask in case he could actually get a volunteer for once. With you going, there was a good chance one of the others would decide to go willingly now too.

“If she’s going, then I’m going too.” Declared Seokmin from his seat of self pity.

The entire pack turned to look at him, including you. It wasn’t normal for him to want to go out in public. The only reason he was one of the few who hadn’t gotten exposed yet was because he was generally too scared of humans to go out. Now here he was volunteering to go because you had. He wasn’t about to let you go out without him. Boy, love sure had a way of making men do the stupidest things.

You shook your head in protest, “No. Absolutely not. You can’t go. I refuse to let you go.”

Seokmin grit his teeth in their place, “If you’re going then so am I. I’m just as capable as any of the rest of you!” He hissed out between nose flares.

That was another thing, this would also be the perfect way to show you that he could protect you and be tough for you like he wanted to. He knew you thought of him as some little boy, he wanted to change that. He wanted you to think as highly of him as he did you and this was a good way to start.

“But Seokmin-” You were swiftly cut off before you could continue with your argument.

“But Seokmin nothing. If you’re going, I’ll be right there with you watching you. End of discussion.” He finished with a bit of a growl to show you and everyone else he meant business.

The boys all looked to you as if you were the deciding voice, even though you weren’t an alpha. You were his mate and one of the few that could go. If you didn’t want him going, then they’d respect that decision. BUT both you and them also knew it meant trouble for your relationship or whatever it was you had with him if you refused it.

You groaned in frustration and thought while you drug your hands down your face in annoyance. He could get himself hurt. Did you REALLY have it in you today to protect him? You were still so on edge with him near, was it really a GOOD idea for him to be out in the human world right next to you? But part of you also knew full well that he wasn’t going to back down from his insane idea. The best you could do was humor him and PRAY that nothing bad would happen.

“Ugh fine! Whatever. But so help me god, if I have to come save your ass because you get caught, I’m definitely NOT gonna be happy.” You rolled your eyes at his narrowed ones.

He gave you a victorious grin that made you want to grab his face and pull him in for a kiss and smack him for his smugness at the same time. But instead of doing that, you all quickly adjourned to your rooms to get ready for the day to come. You just hoped it wouldn’t all go to shit.

(Updated 9/21)

#seventeen #seventeen au #seventeen angst #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #seventeen x reader #svt au #seventeen seokmin #seokmin angst #seokmin imagines #svt seokmin #svt dk #dokyeom

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ladyblogger-margie · 3 years

Text

Permit Pending - Part 4

Pairing: Will Miller (Triple Frontier) x F!Reader

Summary: When Will tries to push you away, you turn to the Morales’ for help.

Words Count: 3304

Rating: 18+ ONLY (PTSD related issues, shower sex, unprotected sex, cream pie, PinV penetrative sex) Some angst.

a/n: Thank you to everyone whose been reading, sharing, and liking this series! If you’re struggling with mental health, it’s okay to reach out for support. Take care of yourselves!

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All In

“You’ve reached, Will Miller. Please leave your name and number after the beep and I will return your call as soon as I am able,” Will’s voicemail spoke to you, just as it had all day when you tried to call him.

The morning after you witnessed the true weight of Will’s PTSD symptoms you had woken up alone. You knew that his PTSD was something he struggled with; you had noticed him wince at a car backfire when walking through the park one day, and a few other small moments, but this was different. He called this an episode. You’ve never been with someone with PTSD before and didn’t know the etiquette, you were waiting for him to talk to you first.

That being said, you had done some research and felt so stupid for forgetting everything you had read the moment he woke you up in the middle of the night. It was just so unexpected, the night before had seemed totally average. You guys watched some mindless science-fiction movie you didn’t care about; you were barely paying attention as Will had spent most of the time with his hand gripped tightly around your hip which had been way more interesting for sure. He was quiet before you went to sleep, but you just assumed he was tired. In retrospect, you could see the slightest hint of the signs peeking beneath his calm exterior. Signs you promised you’d never miss again.

You checked your phone, rereading the two texts you’ve already sent him in response to the simple message you’d woken up to instead of your boyfriend’s warm embrace. “Sorry about last night. I’ll call you,” was all it said, but it’s after dinner and he hasn’t called you all day.

You puttered around your apartment catching up on housework you’ve neglected as a result of spending so much time with Will lately. Eventually it got late enough that you knew he’d be asleep - he was so set to a routine that you could picture him following it exactly and it broke your heart to feel so removed from it. You’d thought you were part of that routine now. Since you had started dating you’d rarely spent a day apart, none of those days were unscheduled. He certainly had never forgotten to wish you goodnight.

Will laid in bed, thoughts of you swirling around his head. He knew you were at home, comfortable in bed, and he longed to be with you. All his thoughts were wrapped up in you. He felt that what he was doing was right, but he missed you so badly the ache in his chest was nearly unbearable. He couldn’t sleep, agonizing over the idea of you home alone thinking that you had done something wrong. In his eyes you were perfect, and you didn’t deserve what he was doing to you.

You went to bed where you tossed and turned for several hours. You felt that you and Will had something special together, and you had believed that he cared about you, and you clung to that as you forced yourself into a restless sleep.

You swore to yourself that you would never define your life by a man, but here you were, checking your phone compulsively, just waiting for some indication that your feelings weren’t one sided.

You did impeccable work every day, your parks were in good order, your permit applications were completed on time and in good standing. Yet, here you were, aching for William Miller to call you, or simply text you back. You knew his brothers called him “Ironhead” and now you were beginning to understand exactly how stubborn that man could be.

It has been a week since you heard from Will, and you weren’t sure what else to do, so you called Maria.

“Hello! So good to hear from you,” her sing-song voice rang through the phone, her chipper mood exactly opposite to yours, “What’s up?”

“Hey, has Frankie talked to Will lately?” you asked, pinching your nose, feeling embarrassed for having called, “it’s just I haven’t heard from him and he said he’d call me.”

“Let me ask,” she said and you heard her set the phone down. You waited for her to come back, biting your nails - a habit you thought you were long past - until she picked up the phone again. “You know that martini bar on 12th street? It has a stupid name?” she asked, her voice much more serious now.

“Um, Martiny’s right?” you asked.

“Yeah, meet me there,” she said and hung up.

At Matiny’s you had a martini and your friend in front of you when you asked her, “What’s this all about?”

“Will isn’t going to call you,” she said sadly.

You felt the air drop out of your lungs, totally blindsighted, “He’s trying to ghost me?”

“Basically, yes. He’s, he’s a good guy -” she started before you interrupted.

“I know he’s a good guy, well I thought I knew he was a good guy, this is coming out of nowhere!” You said before you took a large drink from your chilled glass.

“He’s trying to get out first,” she tried to explain.

You were even more confused now, “Get out first?”

“These guys carry a lot of burden thanks to who they are, and they all carry it differently. Will takes it the most personally, sees it as a personality flaw he tries to hide,” she said.

“He thinks I’m going to break up with him because he has PTSD?” you asked.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Maria said with a sad smile.

“I - It never even occurred to me. I’ve always known he had PTSD, it seems he completely underestimated me,” you said, a little angry.

Maria smiled at you and you couldn’t figure out why.

“What?” you snapped.

“You’re a fighter.”

You smiled back, “I need the chance to show him that I know him better than he thinks I do, prove to him that he’s worthy of this love I have for him.”

“Love?” she winked at you.

You felt your cheeks get hot and you wouldn’t look at her, but it was true. You were in love with Will Miller and you were determined to prove it to him.

“Yes,” you barely whispered, “I’m in love with him,” you said before you downed the rest of your drink.

“He’s at the gym with Benny, Frankie went to see him when I left to meet you. I’ll drive,” she said, as you signaled for the cheque.

At the gym Benny caught Will off guard with an overly aggressive rib-shot which knocked the wind out of his lungs.

“The hell was that?” he grunted at his baby brother.

“You’re the one who said you wanted a distraction,” Benny smirked.

Frankie shook his head from ringside. “I told you this wasn’t the answer, Will,” Frankie sighed,

“It wasn’t going to work out, it’s better this way,” Will said firmly.

“Ghosting? Come on man, I’ve seen how you look at her. You’ll never go through with it,” Benny said.

“That’s why it has to be this way. If I see her again, I won’t be able to say goodbye,” Will said, licking his lips frustrated.

Frankie lifted his hat and ran his fingers through his hair, “I know what your ex did to you messed you up,” he said.

“She was right,” Will sighed.

“She didn’t want the life you had, she didn't know what it means to be a warrior, what it does to a person,” Frankie said, “But the right girl, she’ll understand.”

“Are you saying I’ve already found the right girl,” Will said, his voice sharp, “What makes you think you know anything about my relationship?”

Frankie put his hands up in a mock surrender, “I’m not saying I do, only you can know that. I’m just asking you to talk to her before you decide on her behalf how she feels.”

Benny wanders over, removing the fight tape from his hands, “I’ll drive you,” he offers before he gives a playful punch to Will’s shoulder.

Will shakes his head, “What if she doesn’t want me anymore?” He knew his voice sounded weak, but these guys were his brothers, literally and metaphorically in all the ways that relationship could mean and they knew him better than he knew himself. He needed these guys to help him see there was any hope you could love him back, and assure him he'd be okay if you didn’t.

Frankie claps a hand to Will’s shoulder, “Then at least you tried. All I know is that finding Maria, making it work with her, it’s the only thing keeping my head above water most days,” he said, “You deserve that too.”

“If she rejects you, we’ll get hammered,” Benny promises. Will knows Benny’s playing things light now but when push comes to shove, if things got dark for him again after this, Benny would be there every step of the way, just like last time. “I have a feeling she’ll say it back, I saw you two at Thanksgiving,” Benny said.

Will nods, “You drive, my hands are shaking,” and he pushes Benny forward and they head out.

They reach the door before Frankie says, “I guess I’ll clean and lock up?” and the Miller brothers waved him goodbye, tossing a “Thanks” over their retreating shoulders.

Frankie was about to lock the doors when you and Maria walked in.

“Is he here?” You ask before even saying hello.

“What are you doing here?” Frankie asked after giving Maria a quick kiss hello.

“She’s here to get her man,” Maria explained.

Frankie beamed, “I knew I liked you,” he said.

“I like you too, Frankie, but I’m looking for Will, where is he?” You ask, craning your neck and looking around the obviously deserted gym.

Frankie laughs, “He’s headed to your place.”

You burst out laughing, “You’re kidding?”

“You missed him by 10 minutes.”

Maria shakes her head, “Let’s go, I guess I’m still your driver,” and the three of you file out of the gym.

It starts raining as Maria drives you home. When she drops you off at your building, “Go get him,” she says before she kisses your cheek.

You raced through the rain to the front door of your apartment, and you were drenched before you made it there.

Standing in front of your door was Will, also soaked from the rain. You rushed into his arms and he pulled you in so tight and hard you were lifted clear off your feet. He crashed his lips into yours, only breaking away to repeat, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” into your skin over and over again.

“I went looking for you,” You tried to explain, but he cut you off with a deep kiss that cleared your brain and quickened your heart rate.

“Frankie texted me,” Will said, keeping his body pressed against yours.

“We should go inside, talk this through,” you said, your voice serious. You turned your back on him to unlock your door, hoping for a break to collect your thoughts. This was serious business and you needed to have your wits about you, but whenever you looked into those piercing blue eyes you would get lost in the moment and would forget the bigger world.

He followed you into the apartment, his hands never leaving your body. He helped you remove your wet jacket and hung it in the closet.

After, he sat next to you on the couch, he’s hand settling on your knee. He needed to feel you, be near you. You had gone looking for him, you didn’t give up on him, and so he didn’t know what to do now other than cling on tight.

But then you looked at him, and he backed off. He saw the seriousness in your look and knew he was not off the hook.

“I owe you an apology,” he started.

“Yes, you do,” you replied to him simply, clearly waiting for the real thing.

“I’m sorry,” he said with as much sincerity as he could muster, “I should have explained why I left.”

“Why did you? Did I do something wrong? Should I have brought up your PTSD sooner so we could’ve talked about it? I didn’t want to push,” you said, matching his sincerity in a question that stunned him.

“You knew?” he asked.

“The day we met you said you had your good days and your bad days, I believed you,” you said simply.

“You remember what I said the day we met?” he asked, floored by you.

“I remember everything.”

“I love you,” he found himself saying. There were thousands of better ways he could have told you that would’ve been more romantic, more thoughtful, but he just couldn’t help himself. He loved you and he wanted you to know.

His words flushed over you and sent tingles through your whole body. You closed the small distance between your bodies and kissed him. You let him pull you onto his lap, your legs straddling him as you brushed your fingers through his short, wet hair, dropping your hands to his shoulders. He ran his hands up your back, leaving a trail of fire beneath his touch.

Suddenly you broke the kiss and pulled away. He clung to the back of your shirt, gripping the fabric tightly.

“Wait,” he begged in a whisper.

“I love you too,” you said.

“Oh,” Will said, and he kissed you again, “Come on, let’s get you out of these wet clothes.”

He stood, keeping your legs around him as he carried you into your bathroom.

“I love you,” he said as he finally dropped you to your feet.

“I know,” you said, trembling from the cold and something else you couldn’t describe but knew was all Wil’s doing.

You pulled Will’s shirt off over his head and exposed his perfectly sculpted chest. You took advantage and placed a series of kisses across his skin.

He quickly stripped you until you were complete naked then you stripped him completely naked as well. You grasped his already erect penis in your hand. You pumped him as you kissed him, losing yourself in him completely.

He gently pushed you away, more gently than you’ve ever been pushed. As he started the shower you reached for him, needy.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he said as he returned to you, “I just thought you’d want it warm when you stepped in.”

You followed him into your curtained shower as the hot water started to rain down. He pulled you in close as the water fell over your heads. He pulled you in tightly to his chest, and after a moment you pulled back.

“I love you,” you said, “I want you inside me, now..”

Will looked into your eyes and saw that you meant what you said. He kissed you hard and fast. You broke the kiss and spun around, grinding your ass against him.

“I love you, baby,” he said.

He pushed you forward, rougher than normal but in a way that sent waves of excited pleasure through you. You felt the warm water hit your skin until he blocked the stream and pushed you against the shower wall, forcing you to brace yourself with your hands. You waited there with your ass out and hands on the wall as Will admired you.

“Touch me,” you basically begged.

He pushed you up against the shower wall, “Are you ready for me?”

“Fuck me, baby,,” you actually begged him this time.

“Anything for you, sweetheart,” he said as he lined himself up to your entrance from behind.

You were barely able to take it when he entered you with his hands wrapped around your hips. You gasped as his full length entered you, filling you completely. You braced yourself against the shower wall as he pounded into you. You felt his grip tighten, fingers digging into your flesh.

You pushed back against the wall, trying to match his pace but you barely kept up. He wasn’t his usual patient self, you knew this was a race to a release so you brought your own fingers to your clit.

You were so wet and so full of him, it wasn’t long until your orgasam sent flutters through you and you clenched around his cock. As you struggled to stay standing on your weak legs, Will supported you and he came himself, deep inside you.

You felt him twitch before he pulled out. You moved to stand up straight, but he put his hand on your back and kept you bent over.

“Let me look at you,” he whispered, barely audible over the running shower.

You clenched at his words and he moaned as you felt his cum dripping out of you and onto the shower floor beneath you.

Your legs were shaking as he cleaned you up, and held you in his arms. He took your body wash and lathered you up with his hands, caressing you as he went.

When he finished cleaning you up, he turned the shower off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist. He grabbed your towel and wrapped you up tightly in it, rubbing your shoulders through the fluffy material.

He kissed you gently, then trailed his lips across your jaw before travelling down your neck. He nipped at your throat then ran his tongue across the spot.

He kissed you again and then helped you dry off before he pulled you out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. He pulled back the sheets so you could slip under them. When he was sure you were comfortable he went to the kitchen and returned quickly with a glass of water and handed it to you which you accepted gratefully. When you finished he set the glass on your dresser and joined you in bed.

You snuggled in close to Will’s side, breathing him in as you brushed your fingers across the smooth skin of his chest. After a few minutes you sighed and pushed yourself up on your elbow.

“We still need to talk,” you said seriously.

He kept a hand on your hip. “Okay,” he breathed, sounding tense.

“Why’d you try and ghost me?”

“I’m not proud of it,” he started, “I thought it would be easier if I ended things before you could break it off.”

“Why did you think I’d break up with you?”

“I had a fiancée,” Will said, his voice thick.

“I know, 4 years ago, right?” You said, recalling the news you learned at Thanksgiving.

“She left me when I was really struggling. I don’t blame her, things were really bad then, and besides that we just weren’t right for each other.”

He paused and you decided to take a guess, “but those reasons didn’t matter until your PTSD got bad, and she used that as her reason to bail,” you finished, angry on his behalf.

“Something like that,” he forced a smile.

You took his head in your hands, “I’m not her. I’m not going anywhere.”

He smiled at you and kissed you passionately.

You broke the kiss, “Promise to talk to me from now on. I need you to trust me, and I need you to tell me what’s going on. I don’t want to be blindsided again.”

He nodded, solemnly. Then he traced his thumb across your check and held your face in his hand. “I swear I’m going to make this up to you. I won’t make decisions for you anymore,” he said, and you believed him.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m all in,” you said before you sealed the promise with a kiss.

He took you in his arms and you felt at peace

Part 5

#Will Miller #william miller #william miller fanfiction #triple frontier #permit pending series #permit pending part 4 #will miller x f!reader #william ironhead miller x F!Reader #william ironhead miller

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wicked-mind · 3 years

Text

Spark: Chapter Three

Summary: Y/N and Damon were apart of a Hydra experiment for over a decade until they escaped. When power outages through towns along with bodies of murdered Hydra agents start popping up across the country, Y/N becomes Bucky’s mission.

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Bits of violence, memories of torture

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*gifs not mine

Chapter Three - We all need to talk

Bucky managed to watch the rest of the movie unmoving, not wanting to disturb Y/N who was still sleeping on his shoulder. He watched the credits roll along the TV screen, reading each line as they passed. He didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to ruin the moment he was stuck in. Bucky felt almost normal for the first time in his long life as he sat there on the couch with Y/N asleep on his shoulder and a dog on the other side of him. But he quickly snapped out of his daydream when Sarge perked his big fluffy head up, “What’s up, boy?” Bucky asked the dog in a hushed tone as to not disturb Y/N.

Sarge stood on the couch, looking at the curtain covered window behind Bucky for a moment before jumping off the couch and going to the door. Bucky quickly noted that the hair on Sarge had stood up, making his brow furrow. He scooted himself up and away from his spot on the couch, gently shifting Y/N into a laying position without disturbing her sleep. Bucky walks to the window and moved the curtain to peak out, seeing a black van sitting outside. The owner of the van must’ve seen him peaking out the curtain as well because the van sped away down the road. It was at that moment Bucky decided he would be spending the night at Y/N’s house, concerned about who was in the van and what could’ve happened to Y/N if he wasn’t here. He walked over to Y/N’s DVD collection, finding the second movie of the Alien series and popping it into the DVD player as quietly as he could. He pushed play on the remote before taking Sarge’s spot on the couch, looking over at Y/N as she slept soundly before returning his focus to the TV knowing he wouldn’t be able to get much sleep tonight.

It was early morning hours, about 4:30 AM, when Y/N woke up with a gasp. Even the presence of Bucky couldn’t keep her nightmares away. She sat up, staring wide-eyed at Bucky as if she didn’t recognize him. She fell off the couch in an attempt to get away from him, scooting herself into the corner of the living room and curled up into as much as a ball as she could facing away from him. Sarge, knowing what was happening, kept his distance as to not be shocked but close enough that he could whine gently at Y/N to calm down.

The sudden jolt of Y/N waking up made Bucky jump as well, he wasn’t expecting her to be awake so suddenly. He watched her as she looked at him with terrified eyes, standing quickly when she fell off the couch and scooted away, “Hey, Y/N.” He said gently with his hands up to show he was non threatening, “It’s me… Bucky.” He said as he slowly walked towards her curled up figure.

Y/N looked up at Bucky still wide-eyed, shaking her head quickly, “Please…” She whimpers out, “Don’t take me back… Don’t hurt me…” Tears had started to form in her eyes and started to slowly drip down her red cheeks.

Bucky had never seen someone look so terrified as Y/N was curled up in the corner. It made him angry that something had happened to make her go into a frantic state like this, it was the total opposite of what she was usually like. He kneeled down in front of her, “Nobody is taking you anywhere,” He said, reaching a hand out to touch her, “I promi-“ As soon as he touched her, he felt a jolt of electricity go through his body that made him back away quickly from her. Yup, she was definitely an enhanced human with the ability to create strong currents of electricity. Bucky quickly realized touching her wasn’t going to work to snap her out of it and he would have to try something else, “Okay, no touching.” He muttered, “Hey, Y/N, remember last night? I brought you some soup and we had some drinks together. Then you showed me your favorite movie, Alien. I watched the second one without you, I hope that’s alright.”

Y/N was breathing hard as she looked at Bucky, her finger tips crackling with streaks of blue electricity. She tilted her head slightly at him as he spoke, then looks back to the TV to see the main menu for Aliens on the screen. It slowly started to come back to her where she was and what was going on, but then she snapped her gaze back to Bucky as the electricity from her fingers sizzled away, “Oh my god, Bucky! I’m so so sorry!” She said softly, uncurling herself from the wall and leaned towards him a little, “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

Bucky sighs in relief as Y/N seemed back to normal, not knowing what else he could try if that didn’t work, “I’m alright, just a little shocked literally and figuratively.” He told her, holding his hand out to help her up from the floor and guided her back to the couch where Y/N took a seat. Bucky sat down by her, watching her curiously. At least now he could ask her questions about being an enhanced human and maybe more about how she was tangled with Hydra, “You literally electrocuted me, how is that possible?”

Y/N bit her lip, knowing questions were coming. She sat still on the couch, her eyes flickering between Bucky and her hands, “I don’t know.. It started when I was about ten years old…” She began, watching him for his reactions, “My parents got rid of me after they found out, sent me to a psychiatric facility when I was thirteen because they thought I was a witch or possessed. I got discharged and put into foster care and eventually adopted… It all went downhill from there.” She muttered out the last part, not really wanting to get into it unless he asked her. She didn’t know what she would say. How could she tell Bucky, a guy she was currently having a crush on, that she had been given up by her adoptive family to be tortured for an organization that seemed made up? Y/N didn’t want to sound crazy and scare him away. She chewed on her lip persistently, waiting for him to speak.

Bucky nodded, knowing the story already from the briefing he had before he came into Y/N’s life but it was good to hear her version, “You said don’t take me back… you looked traumatized saying don’t hurt me. What happened, Y/N?” He asks, curious to hear what really happened while she was gone after she fell off the grid. He needed to know more about her and especially more about Damon. He needed to understand how Y/N got mixed up with Damon and why he was murdering Hydra agents.

Y/N sighs, that was the question she didn’t want asked and hoped with just the small amount of information would be enough to suffice Bucky’s curiosity but somewhere inside her she knew it wouldn’t, “When the adoption was finalized and social workers didn’t need to come check up on me anymore, these men with accents took me to Washington. They put me in a cell in a bunker with a silver collar around my neck to steal the electricity I could produce… When they needed electricity to power the facility and their experiments, the collar would have sharp prongs that’d dig into my neck and cause me to create electricity….” She gently touched the scars on her neck from the prongs as she talked about them before continuing, “I was there alone for a long time until Damon and Stefan were put in the cells across from mine, they were brothers. The people who brought me there would take Damon and Stefan away sometimes… One day Stefan didn’t come back and we were told he died as part of an experiment. We were there for ten years together, isolated and alone.” She looked down at the floor where Sarge had came to lay below her, “Damon said they injected him with something that enhanced every ability he had including speed and strength and then he told me they were talking about brainwashing him… I panicked and released a large surge of electricity until the power blew in the facility and Damon and I escaped…” She slowly turned her gaze to Bucky, knowing she must sound insane to him, “That’s why Damon is in Washington, he goes to look for Stefan’s body every year. And ever since we escaped, the people who took me have been trying to get Damon and I back.”

Bucky slowly nodded at the story. He finally had answers as to what happened to Y/N and from the sound of it, Damon was a super soldier like him. He couldn’t help but feel anger and sadness for both Y/N and Damon. He had been in a similar situation before when he was taken by Hydra, turned into a brainwashed super soldier experiment and forced to kill but at least Y/N didn’t have the guilt of murder on her hands, “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Y/N. I’ve been through some similar things…” He thought about his next words carefully before deciding he had to say something true about himself, “I was also a Hydra experiment, Y/N. That’s the people who did those awful things to you.”

Y/N narrowed and her brow pulled together at his words, tilting her head, “You… You were an experiment too?” She repeats his words before her eyes widened slightly, “Is-is that why you’ve been hanging out with me? Pretending to enjoy my presence?” She stood suddenly, taking a few steps away from Bucky, “Are you here to take me back to them or for your own use? Because I’m not a battery! And I won’t ever be a prisoner again!” She shouted towards him, her finger tips starting to spark electricity again.

Bucky quickly threw his hands up in a non threatening manner again at her sudden hostility but he understood where it came from. During the most important years of Y/N’s life, she was taken prisoner, kept isolated away from other people and taught not to trust anybody besides Damon, something nobody should have to go through but yet Y/N came out alive and kind which fascinated Bucky even more, “No, Y/N!” He told her in a stern voice, “I honestly like hanging out with you. I definitely do not work with Hydra in any aspect. I was sent here because somebody has been ripping out Hydra agent’s hearts and snapping their necks which I figure is Damon’s doing. I had to come see if there was a problem and why Hydra was snooping around.” Y/N clenched her jaw a little, her teeth gritting together slightly as she listened to him. But something about the way Bucky was looking at her made her trust him. He had pain in his eyes as well and it reflected the own pain that was inside of her, “Damon was just trying to protect me… They don’t stop, they never do. They’re always waiting around every corner and find me anywhere I go.” She told him, the electricity in her fingers disappearing as she calmed down. She moved back to sit on the couch beside Bucky but continued to watch him carefully.

Bucky felt relief again as Y/N seemed to calm down and her hostility towards him seemed to fade. The last thing he wanted to do was become an enemy towards her and someone she couldn’t trust in her life, “I know, I was chased for a long time too and Hydra made me do awful things.” He sighed, feeling like he had to share his story now to show she could trust him, “In the 19040’s, I was taken by Hydra. They had already turned me into a super soldier, like your friend Damon, but they brainwashed me successfully and used me as a weapon for decades until 2014. I’m 106 years old, doll.”

Y/N’s jaw dropped at Bucky’s words, “Oh my god..” She managed to say before giving him an apologetic look, “I’m so sorry, Bucky. That’s awful. I’m sorry.” She said, reaching out a hand to squeeze his arm without realizing what she was doing. It was just instinct for Y/N to try and be there for others, be kind and Bucky Barnes was no different.

Bucky’s lips curved into a small smile, he couldn’t help it. The way Y/N was instinctively kind made him feel some sort of hope inside him for something better for him. If she could live through the trauma she went through, maybe he could too and come out a better person like Y/N had. Just as Bucky was about to speak, the moment was ruined as Damon strolled on in through the door.

Damon’s eyes flickered between the two, narrowing at the sight. He wasn’t expecting this, he had expected to see Y/N alone curled up with her dog. Then he noticed the dry tear trails on Y/N’s face, causing him to frown and in an instant he grabbed Bucky by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against a wall, “What did you do?!” He growled out at Bucky.

Y/N’s eyes widened as Damon slammed Bucky into the wall, “Damon, stop!” She yelled at him but Damon didn’t back off. She quickly stood, watching it unfold. Bucky used his vibranium arm to grab onto Damon’s wrist, twisting it and pushing him away. That didn’t stop Damon from coming at Bucky again which caused Bucky to land a punch to Damon’s cheek causing him to fall backwards onto the floor.

“Bucky!” Y/N yelled this time, watching as Damon got back up and walked towards Bucky with anger all over his complexion. Y/N got between the two dark haired men before they could make contact with each other again, placing her palms on each of their chests to stop them from getting any closer to each other, “Hey, knock it off or I swear to god I’m going to shock both of you to the point you see tweety birds around your heads.” She turned to Damon, “I’m fine, Damon.” Y/N turned to look at Bucky, taking a deep breath, “I think we all need to talk.”

__________________________________________________________

TAGLIST: @wooya1224 @big-galaxy-chaos @buckys2thicc @allidoiswritewritewrite

#bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #buckybarnes x reader #buckybarnes x you #buckybarnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybarnes fanfic #buckybarnes fanfiction #buckybarnes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes series #buckybarnes series

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tomorrowsdrama · 3 years

Text

2020 Year in Thirst Pt. 2

Sometimes, I will watch a drama for the plot/premise/substance and be rewarded with a surprise hottie, and it’s the best feeling ever! It’s like finding money in your pocket that you didn’t know about. The following list of dramas can be described as:

Came for the plot, was rewarded with a surprising side of thirst

1. Flower of Evil

Brief Summary: Lee Jun Ki plays Baek Hee Sung and Moon Chae Won plays Cha Ji Won, his wife who is also a detective. What Ji Won doesn’t know is that her husband, Hee Sung, is actually Hyun Soo, a man on the run from a murder that he did not commit and also a suspected accomplice to a series of murders committed by his father in the past. Oh yeah, his dad secretly tried to groom him into being his protege/murder partner. Because of how he was raised, HS believes that he has no emotions and is simply putting on an act as the perfect husband and father. His “parents” are in on the ruse and are actually the ones who forced him into assuming their comatose son’s identity. Anyway, of course things from the past start to catch up with HS and his wife is somehow assigned to investigating his old murder case. She of course feels betrayed, but also conflicted as she discovers her husband is not who he said he was and a prime murder suspect. Things get even more complicated as the real murderer re-appears with fabulous long hair and tries to frame HS for the murders. In between all of this are delicious make outs between the couple and at least one instance where they banged so hard, HS was wiped out the next morning.

Surprise Thirst Factor: I checked out this drama fully expecting to drop it because the promos were so misleading and unappealing. But boy was I in for a pleasant surprise! Not only was the drama super addicting, it also had some nice eye candy in the form of Lee Jun Ki being a completely unrealistic house husband who satisfies in the housework (The man cooks and does the laundry!), childcare, and bedroom and Kim Ji Hoon’s glorious mane of beauty making viewers have a moral crisis over lusting after a homicidal maniac (who turned out to be a real loser without murder daddy around to clean up his mess. It’s ok, we’ll always have his hair).

Yes, work that hair honey. It’s the only good thing you’ve got going on for you (the character, not Kim Ji Hoon)

The chemistry between Lee Jun Ki and Moon Chae Won was fire and the make out scenes were soo believable. Like yes, these two beautiful people are really into being married to each other and understandably want to make out all the time.

He’s the primary caretaker for their daughter and it’s just *swoons.* Not all thirst traps come in the form of sexy abs (although I would not mind if he wanted to flash some).

2. Six Flying Dragons

Brief Summary: The story of young Yi Bang Won (who later becomes King Taejong) and the founding of the Joseon Dynasty. As short as it sounds, that really is an accurate summary of the drama haha.

Surprise Thirst Factor: I started watching this drama because I heard it was a great sageuk and I’m a big fan of Yoo Ah In. Even though I’m a fan of his acting, Yoo Ah In doesn’t necessarily get my hormones raging so I wasn’t expecting to be so thirsty while watching Six Flying Dragons. But then. BUT THEN. Byun Yo Han showed up in all his scruffy tortured deadly killer glory and my hormones woke up and said hi, hello, who are you, what’s your name, what’s your sign, can I get your number? The deadlier and more tortured his character got, the sexier he became to me. Sorry Yoo Ah In, you’ll always be my acting boo, but Byun Yo Han’s got my thirst. Byun Yo Han looks so good when he's sad and/or covered in blood, it makes me feel like a sadist for thinking that I wouldn’t mind if the drama made his character cry some more.

3. Ever Night S1

Brief Summary: As a child, Ning Que witnessed his entire household get massacred because of a prophecy that the child of Hades will be born from the house and bring about the Eternal Night. Somehow, he managed to escape and was the lone survivor. He finds a baby buried in a pile of dead bodies as he’s fleeing and names her Sang Sang. The two orphans grow up inseparable from each other and do whatever it takes to survive in the harsh, cruel world. Ning Que earns money by becoming a deadly mercenary and Sang Sang takes care of the household affairs. At one point, Ning Que becomes a disciple of the powerful Fu Zi and somehow gets entangled in the struggles between the Holy Sect and Demon Sect. A bunch of beautiful women fall for Ning Que, and the drama tries its hardest to convince us that he has chemistry with and reciprocates the feelings of one of them (i.e. Mo Shan Shan), but anybody who was even half paying attention knows that the only one for Ning Que is Sang Sang. They are the OTP of all OTPs and take “ride or die” to a whole other level. Oh also, their height difference is the stuff manga dreams are made of. Ning Que is a “good guy” but also not a “good guy” in the sense that he is not above doing whatever it takes to seek revenge and is only out for himself and Sang Sang (and later, his older brothers and sisters from the academy).

Surprise Thirst Factor: Chen Feiyu is an attractive person but I could not in good conscience thirst after him because he was literally born in the year 2000. It did not help that he was only 18 when he filmed Ever Night and looked every bit his age. My thirst may have no shame, but it does have its own set of principles and one of those principles is thou shalt not lust after those born in the new millennium! Luckily for me, Second Brother is played by Dylan Kuo who is a beautiful, elegant, tall man

and Brother Chao is exactly the type of rugged and manly that I am into.

(you don’t have to be)

who looks better when wet

AHEM. Yeah.

Sixth Brother is also not so bad with his scanty pounding work attire,

4. Novoland: Eagle Flag

Brief Summary: Asule is the prince of a tribe in the grasslands who is held as a royal guest (i.e. hostage) in the Eastland Empire. There he meets his two future best friends, Yu Ran, a free spirited princess who is descended from a race of bird people, and Ji Ye, an emo neglected/shunned son of a concubine who is probably the best fighter in the empire. Ji Ye loves Yu Ran who is a ball of sunshine to his Johnny Raincloud dark emo self. Yu Ran loves Ji Ye back. Asule loves both his friends and will do anything to protect them. The world decides to fuck over best friends Asule, Ji Ye, and Yu Ran for no reason as they try their best to just live a peaceful life away from all the political scheming and fighting.

Surprise Thirst-worthiness: I was completely content with enjoying Eagle Flag purely for its story and substance. It’s seriously a wonderful, yet heartbreaking drama and the scale of the production is amazing. No cheap $10 costumes here. Also, the direction is beautiful/artistic and not the run of mill “let’s shoot it and complete it as fast as we can.” The two main actors were cute, but not really my type. Then the drama decided to give Ji Ye the “Sexy Bloody Tormented Killer Makeover” and all of a sudden your girl was rushing to MDL to check Chen Ruo Xuan’s birthday and calculating his age. I am simple, predictable, and consistent when it comes to my thirst and give a character some scruff, long hair, angst, and some bloodlust and I’m all yours. I am literally:

Is it wrong that when Ji Ye showed up looking like this ready to kill his mother’s torturer

I thought, yes, can we have him kill another?

5. Run On

Brief Summary: Im Siwan plays Ki Seon Geom, a national track runner from a rich family who is a bit of an oddball and marches to his own beat. Although his words can sometimes be construed as rude since he has no filter, they are also completely honest and have no hidden meaning. He also has his own personal code that he lives by and he will stick to it no matter how negatively it may impact himself. He meets Oh Mi Joo, a translator with her own strange quirks and sparks fly as Mi Joo is assigned to be his interpreter.

Surprise Thirst-worthiness: I kind of watched this drama by accident. I had read about Im Siwan starring in a new drama but nothing I saw from the description or promos for Run On appealed to me. Nor did it give me any information about what the drama would be about. Then one day, I just happened to be browsing Netflix for something to play in the background and decided on Run on since I thought I wouldn’t be that invested. What a happy accident that turned out to be because I’m so in love with this drama right now. This is a case where the thirst does not stem from the character’s physical appearance, but from the intensity/charisma the actor brings to the character and the character himself. Ki Seon Geom is so odd, but so appealing at the same time and Im Siwan is so magnetic in the role. Prior to Run On, Im Siwan wasn’t really my type physically. In fact, I always scratched my head whenever people called him handsome in dramas (I know, I know, forgive me). So color me shocked when I found myself swooning all over Im Siwan in the second episode of Run On. Now, it’s like I have “Im Siwan is attractive” glasses on and he looks attractive in everything to me. I want to gobble up all the dramas he’s been in.

#flower of evil #lee jun ki #six flying dragons #byun yo han #ever night #novoland eagle flag #run on #jtbc run on #im siwan #kdrama #cdrama

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

Build Me Up Buttercup *Part 5*

WARNING: This chapter contains mention of sexual assault, please read at your own discretion. Also, I’m sorry these last two chapters have been kind of dark but next chapter will be super fluff I promise!

If you need to catch up:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 6

Tag List: @wanniiieeee

....And you just ran out?”

Your roommate’s judgement came through loud and clear, even through the phone.

“Yes! What the hell was I supposed to do?!” You tried defending your actions. You called them to feel better, not worse.

“Well, first of all you shouldn’t have LIED,” They kept their snarky tone.

“I didn’t LIE….per say,” You paced back and forth, twirling your hair in your fingers nervously. The silence after your statement was like you could SEE their faces just giving you “that” look.

“Oh okay what was I supposed to say? ‘Oh hey yeah you’re right Fin, I was an absolute party wreck until I couldn’t be anymore’?”

“I mean I don’t--” You heard footsteps coming up behind you, so you swung your phone to your side, cutting off their sentence.

You turned to see Rafael standing there, that permanent concerned look for you pasted on his face.

“Hey...are you ok?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I just needed some air,” You tried your best to stay calm and nonchalant.

“Are you sure? Because you--” He started to say something but you quickly interjected.

“Actually you know what Barba I’m kind of on the phone right now, can I meet you back inside?” You motioned with your phone, kicking yourself for being cold to him right now but you couldn’t deal with anything else at the moment.

“I...uh...yeah, sure,” He shook his head with an awkward smile, and walked back inside. Relieved, you put the phone back up to your ear.

“Aww, how cute. Barba cares!” your BFF’s voice cooed through the speaker.

“Yeah, in like a ‘dad caring’ kind of way,” you rolled your eyes.

“Oooof, I wouldn’t start throwing that term around, we might have to start talking about ‘daddy issues’, Y/N,” they giggled.

“SERIOUSLY?” You practically screeched into the phone, thanking every god you could think of that Rafael had gone inside before that comment.

“I’m just sayin! I’m ALSO saying that you need to go back in there and tell your squad the truth,” they returned to a very serious tone.

“Yeah I guess…” You sighed, knowing they were right.

“And I’m sorry I can’t be there with you holding your hand while you do it babe. But…”

“But what?”

“But maybe Rafael can?”

“Jesus, can you please be serious right now?”

“I am being serious! You just told me he helped you calm down earlier, and that wasn’t even half traumatic as this is gonna be,” They insisted.

“I don’t….how…?” Your face scrunched up trying to think of NON creepy ways you'd ask for someone's hand.

“Whatever, do what you want; But I do suggest telling them. Clearly you're not going to be able to keep this under wraps, and I doubt you want to keep freaking out on your co-workers. Trust them, trust RAFAEL,”

You sighed again, you knew they were right. Olivia said it herself, it was important to have a squad you trusted.

“Alright I’ll call you later,”

“You better!”

You took a deep breath and walked back into the bar, your hands shaking as you reached your booth. The group all started to speak, but you put your hand up.

“No just-- Let me talk. Fin, I am so sorry,” You addressed Fin, who shook his head in a “don't worry about it” manner.

“No, I really am. I’m sorry I freaked out on you and I’m sorry...I lied. Kind of,” the squad again looked at you in total confusion.

“God….okay, how do I….? Um….”

You started trying to form sentences in your head, words jumbled around in your brain. You started to panic again, when you felt a hand grip yours under the table. You snapped your eyes open and looked next to you where Rafael had taken your hand. He gave a small, supportive smile making you suddenly feel at ease.

“Okay. So, like I said I was pretty much a ‘caged’ child. I was homeschooled, I didn’t have any friends, just academics. Being born a ‘prodigy’ sounds good on paper, but I just always felt like a show pony. Or an alien experiment. People were always coming by to check out the ‘genius 5 year old’ play Mozart, or ‘the brilliant 10 year old finish calculus problems in under 30 seconds’.”

You took a deep breath, watching their listening faces. Too much detail hon, get there faster.

“Um, anyway. I graduated ‘high school’ at fifteen years old. I had barely made it through puberty, and I was already done with my academic childhood. Obviously, I wanted to immediately enroll in college, if for no other reason than to get away from my insanely controlling parents. But big surprise, they had a problem with it. It took me a minute to convince them that it was the right next step, full ride scholarships to literally any school in the country helped. And I mean, ANY school. All the Ivy leagues sent out their top recruiters to speak with my parents about having the ‘prodigy’ attending their establishment.

So with that, I was able to convince my parents that I knew what was best for me. I told them I was smarter than them, so clearly I could parent myself better. And God help them, they believed me,” You had to pause again, tears catching your throat. Rafael gently started rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“So, I started at NYU that fall, just after my sixteenth birthday. Sixteen years old, the only child in a university full of adults,”

“I don’t like where this is going,” Sonny whispered to Amanda who nodded in agreement.

“So I got paired with this room mate Layla, who was the polar opposite of myself. She was gorgeous, totally socially gifted, but dumb as a rock. Her daddy had paid her way into the school,” you rolled your eyes just thinking about her.

“And truth be told I loved her at first, because she was the sweetest girl. My first ever real friend. She took me under her wing and gave me a complete makeover; socially and physically. I had NEVER had guys look at me the way they did after she helped me. It was....intoxicating.” You paused in shame, picking at your jacket.

“So, naturally, I wanted to hang out with my friend. My ONLY friend. And hanging out with her meant going to all the coolest parties, frats and sororities. I was SIXTEEN, I didn’t….I didn’t think,” You bit your lip and stared at the floor for a moment before continuing.

“I lost my virginity at those parties,” you muttered quietly, and to your surprise the team started reacting.

“Wha-- Wait wait wait, guys that’s….that’s not even the bad part yet,” you gulped. Jesus the judgement was quickly getting real.

“Anyway I...was pretty much a huge party girl slut,” you shrugged. “I’d go and party, and hook up with random guys, and never thought twice about it because I thought ‘that’s what college girls do’,” You scoffed at your younger self for even having that notion. How could you be that smart and that stupid at the same time? It was baffling.

“And one night, it bit me in the ass,” You sighed, here comes the hard part.

“I don’t...I usually got so wasted that I didn’t CARE who I was having sex with and most of the time never remembered WHO it was anyway but-- but I’m pretty sure that night I didn’t want to,” You breathed out and looked up, willing the tears on the rims of your eyes to go back in where they came from. Rafael’s hand gripped yours tighter, making you feel safe.

“But it is what it is, this guy did what he did and left me on the floor in a frat house,” You scoffed again, this time tears dripping down your face. You couldn’t believe there was a time that you had been that pathetic, to just be left laying on the floor like a blow up doll.

“I guess Layla found me and took me home, because I woke up in my own bed. But I had bruises and hickeys ALL over my body, and just….brutal stuff,” You trailed off while you picked at your food, not wanting to go into any more detail.

Suddenly, as if turning on a light switch, your entire demeanor snapped back into ‘normal mode’, you wiped the stray tears away and cleared your throat. You were

“AHEM So...anyway, after….that, I told Layla that I couldn’t hang out with her anymore if that’s all we were going to do, and she understood. She didn’t like it, but she understood. The next semester I got a new roommate who was pretty much like myself, boring and socially inept, so I went back to the thing I knew best-- academics. I changed my major from biochemical engineering to law, because I didn’t want anyone else to go through what I went through without a voice. And after that, and a WHOLE lotta therapy, I just pushed that whole semester I lost deep, DEEP down, you know like a totally healthy person,” You tried playing it off with a laugh, but they weren’t amused.

“But...just thinking about Mary Fahey,” you sighed. “That girl had everything going for her, she was probably really smart and had a whole life ahead of her. She made the bad decision ONCE, to go to a frat party and she’s DEAD. Meanwhile, I was a stupid slut for a whole semester and the worst I got was bruised up and a pregnancy scare.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re saying what I think you’re saying,” Amanda gave you a look.

“What? That I should have been killed? Well why not? Why HER?” You protested, sipping your hurricane. It was unsettling to the squad how little you seemed to care about yourself.

“....I knew there was more to it in the bathroom,” you heard Rafael’s soft voice beside you.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t know how to tell you,” You looked at him with apologetic eyes. “I didn’t want you to think I was...trashy,”

“Ok now hold up” Fin interrupted.

“First of all, you need to stop throwing words like ‘slut’ and ‘trash’ around, especially about yourself, Y/N,” he took your hand.

“You said it yourself, people make mistakes. Hell if I worried about the amount of dumb shit I did when I was a kid I wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning,”

You had to break into a small sad smile after he said that, nodding your head in an understanding manner.

“And whether or not it was a one time thing or a ‘phase’, no one ever deserves to be assaulted for overdoing it at a party, or anywhere else,” Olivia chimed in. “EVER.”

“Exactly what the Sarge said. Assault is NEVER ok, in ANY circumstance. Even when you think you were ‘slutty’ by sleeping around, those guys are accountable too.” Sonny added. “Taking advantage of an inebriated woman is not okay,”

“AND it was statutory!” Rafael finally spoke up, his fists clenched. It was as if it had taken this entire time for him to fully process your story, and now that he did he was PISSED.

“Okay, Rafa, calm down,” Olivia placed a hand over his.

“No Liv, these guys should all be in prison for having sex with an incapacitated SIXTEEN YEAR OLD”

“Will you knock it off, counselor?” You hit his arm. “I didn’t tell you that story so you would go after a bunch of random idiots for something that happened over 10 years ago!”

“Well they should pay!” Rafael yelled again, but after you softly stroked his shoulder, he seemed to calm down.

“I appreciate the sentiment, Rafa,” you warily threw out the pet name, happy when he responded with a small smile. “But I’m over it. Mostly. On days that aren’t like this,” you added with a joking laugh, trying to ease the tension.

“Well, I really appreciate you telling us the truth, N/A,” Olivia nodded at you, the others followed suit.

You gave the first genuine smile since you came back in, looking at Rafael. He took your hand once again under the table, giving it three small squeezes. Before you knew what you were doing, your head was dropping onto his shoulder and you were scooting closer into him.

“Get a squad you can trust, right?”

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #build me up buttercup

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psychedellic-phase · 4 years

Text

Fifteen (part 10)

A/N: Part of this chapter is inspired by the song 2 Years by Thomston. Thank you to the lovely anon that told me this song reminded them of this fic! I highly recommend listening to it!

word count: 3.9k

tw: mentions of childbirth, slight season 9 spoilers, otherwise fluffy

masterlist: “A few months later we were in Boston, on that strangulation case. It’s a pretty hard case to forget, I mean, you delivered a baby. A real human baby, that you brought earthside with your own two hands. You delivered him, and she named him after you. Baby Spencer.

Morgan and I dragged the unsub out into the street, hearing that poor woman scream and cry as you brought her baby into the world, but you did great, and he was beautiful. Just like his namesake. When I walked back inside I saw you give her the baby, and my heart just about melted into a puddle on the floor. You and kids, it just does something to me. It feels like my heart comes out of my body and into your hands like putty. It's an odd feeling, like you’re physically poking around in my chest. In a weird way I’ll miss it.

Then I saw JJ give you a side hug, and put her arm on your chest. She even leaned into your neck, with a soft, sweet little nuzzle. You probably didn’t notice it, but I did. I always noticed. A million little ways to say ‘I love you’ without actually saying ‘I love you’. Right?

Yet again, I said nothing. I had no logical reason to be worried. She was married. You told me daily how much you loved me, how special I was, how beautiful, how amazing, how lucky you were. It’s a shame you didn’t feel like that at the end. But I made it okay. I told myself I was just overthinking it all, like usual. I buried it all down. Again, and again, and again.

That night we went to that bar Rossi loves and everyone was happy, talking about how you delivered a baby.

Alex asked you, “How on earth did you know what to do?”

You explained how you memorized all the delivery manuals when JJ was pregnant, just in case. I often wonder if you’d do half the things you do for her, if it were for someone else. Or are some things just for JJ?

I just smiled and laughed, still pushing the feelings away. It was a night to celebrate and I was determined to not be a party pooper. Instead, I went the other way. I was the life of that party. We all got on stage and sang ‘Piano man’ karaoke, and if anyone was making love to a tonic and gin that night, it was me. Many, many, tonic and gins. I stumbled into an Uber with you and ended up at home. You helped me into bed. You wiped off my makeup and undressed me, putting one of your large shirts on me, leaving a bottle of water, two advils, and a note that said “i love you, love” for me to see when I woke up. Stuff like that makes me wonder if you’d only ever do some things for me. It sounds selfish, but I hope wiping my makeup off and putting my moisturizer on for me is something reserved for us. I know there are many things I have reserved just for you, Spence. No one will ever be that kind to me again, and that’s a fact.”

Are some things just for JJ? Really? He was irritated for a passing moment, why were you mad about him caring about his best friend? Before he had even met you?

But then that anger was soon replaced with confusion. Why’d you never mention it? In all the fights you had, you never once mentioned JJ. You never once threw the feelings that were so clear to everyone in his face. Why? Why not?

Every word made him feel like he didn’t really know you, but also made him wonder if you even knew him? Because if you did you would’ve known he did nothing for JJ, but everything for you.

“I immediately fell asleep.

I woke up at some point, maybe around four am, and you weren’t in the bed next to me. I remember patting the sheets, looking for you as I usually did at night. To sleep, I needed to feel you pressed up against me. I didn’t. I panicked. I looked at the note, and for half a second I thought you left. It did look a little like a goodbye note, Spence. I yelled your name a few times, and when I didn’t get a response I really started to worry. I got out of bed and stumbled around; my head was still fuzzy. I walked around the house calling your name. You still didn’t answer. I finally found you on the balcony.

It was warm for April, and you were sitting on a chair in your pajamas, staring at the stars.

“Talking to the moon again?” I said, and you turned to look at me.

The moon was a waxing crescent (thank you for that) so I couldn’t see you well. If it had been full, maybe I would’ve seen your sad eyes.

“Hey, what’re you doing up?” You whispered.

I sat in the other chair, “I woke up and you weren’t there, so I came to find you. You scared me half to death, Reid.”

I was looking at you but you wouldn’t look at me. I needed you to look at me.

“Go back to sleep.”

“Only if you come with me.”

I was trying to be funny, but the pit in my stomach was insane. I really felt like I was staring the end in the face. That was the first time I ever saw you like that, completely shut out from me. You were always forthcoming with me, no matter what was going on. Your voice was rough, like you were getting a cold. You cleared your throat.

“I think I want to stay out here a while longer.”

“Okay, then I’ll stay with you.”

“Y/N...” You were warning me, I should’ve listened.

I stood up to walk back inside and I patted your shoulder. I disappeared to get a tub of ice cream and two spoons. We both knew your stomach would hurt afterwards, but we didn’t care. The comfort that binging on ice cream when you’re sad brings is well worth a tummy ache. And even in my half drunk brain fog, I could tell you needed it.”

Spencer chuckled, remembering how you always kept two tubs in the freezer “just in case.” Whenever one of you was having one of those days, the other would grab a tub, and you’d sit in silence and eat. That was back when each other’s company was enough. He still kept one tub in his freezer, hoping in some weird way that you’d be back and the two of you could sit and eat in silence, and somehow that would make it all okay.

“We sat in silence staring at the sky and taking turns grabbing spoonfuls of cookie dough ice cream. It was comfortable, domestic, calm.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

You shook your head, “Nothing’s bothering me.”

“You only talk to the moon when you’re upset, Spence.”

You sighed, knowing I was right. The ice cream was for bad days, but the moon was for when you needed to think. And think alone. You said staring up at the moon helped you feel grounded; it reminded you how important we are. It always reminded me of how small I am, how I am literally a speck of dust on a planet that’s a slightly bigger speck of dust that’s hurling through time and space. It reminds me of how small we all are in the grand scheme of the universe. Then you’d tell me: “Everything that makes up us is from those stars. We’re literally made of stardust.” Then I’d feel important too, because you made me important. I mattered because I was in this place at this time with you. You’d tell me about the big bang and the million miracles that led to us being here, alive in this moment. You’d say it reminded you how lucky you were that you got to exist in this world with me. I don’t know if I believe in God, Spence, but if there is one I thank him for letting me exist at the same time as you, even if it was only for a finite time.”

He had to remind himself to breathe. How could words suffocate? How could ink take his breath away? Spencer wished it was nighttime, so he could talk to the moon again, so he could feel important again, so he could feel lucky.

“You didn’t answer.

“Was it the case?”

You just nodded slightly, as if to say ‘sort of’.

“This is literally as good as it can go. We got the guy and you brought someone’s baby into the world. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a happier ending.”

“No.”

That’s all you said, and I let the silence fester. We both just kept eating the ice cream. After about fifteen minutes you said, “The world looks different from here.”

“From the balcony? Yeah I guess, the city looks small, tiny ant people.”

You chuckled, “No, like from where I am right now in my life. I just see the world different than I did yesterday.”

“And I’m sure we’ll look at it differently again tomorrow.” I was trying to help, but it was 4:30 in the morning and I was still slightly buzzed. No amount of ice cream or an existential crisis was going to get rid of that.

“I held a human being in my hands as it took its first breaths today, Y/N. I was the first thing he ever saw. I literally held his life in my hands.”

“I know. Maybe you should take up obstetrics.” Another failed attempt at a joke.

“It just made me think.”

“About what?”

“I just, I always thought I wanted kids,” you said it doubtfully and with a shrug. You looked at me in my eyes finally, and wow did it hurt.

“But now I’m not so sure.”

I’m pretty sure my jaw almost dropped. How did delivering a baby make you no longer want a village of kids on Christmas morning? I thought it’d have the opposite effect. I thought it’d ignite your baby fever, like it ignited mine. My heart sank, “Why?”

“I-I don’t know.”

I tried, again, to lighten the mood, “Is it because of the actual birth part? Because I promise I can handle it. No epidurals for me.”

You half smiled, “No, no it’s not that.”“Well then what is it?” I had this dreadful feeling that you were going to tell me that it was me. That I was the reason. That you wanted kids, but you didn’t want them with me.

“How am I supposed to pass on these genes?”

“Your super smart, tall, handsome, magnificent genius genes? C’mon Spence,” I scoffed.

“I meant schizophrenia.”

The air went cold between us.

“You don’t have it though.”

“Having a grandparent with the disease increases your chances of developing it by 5%.”

“Yeah, and I have bad eyesight and terrible allergies and had braces as a kid, which our kids will inherit.”

“You don’t understand what I mean.”

I rolled my eyes, “No, Love, I don’t. But I do know that you can’t be scared of what ifs.”

You ran your hands through your hair, and just groaned. You sighed, but I kept rambling. I blame my loose lips on Rossi. He kept buying, and I kept drinking.

“And there’s so many what ifs. What if they do get schizophrenia? But what if they don’t and you didn’t have kids because you were scared?”

“It’s not just that it’s—”

“It’s what Spencer?”

“I-I didn’t have a dad! I don’t know how to be one.”

We sat in silence. I didn’t know what to say.

“I just don’t think it’s for me anymore.”

I felt tears sting my eyes. If we weren’t on the same page, this conversation was going to end horribly. “

But if you don’t want them then—“ I stopped and shakily wiped my face.

“Then what?” You sounded scared.

I stopped myself from saying something that I’d regret. I wanted to say ‘then I can’t do this.’ Thank god I didn’t.

“I just, I always thought my kids would be your kids too. I don’t think I want to be a parent if you aren’t there with me.”

Your eyes were shining from the tears and the sliver of moon when they met mine, “Really?”“

Yeah, I’ve told you this a million times, love. You will be the best father because you know what it’s like to not have one. You become better than the people before you.”

You dropped the spoon into the almost empty tub, “I know, I know. I just got in my head about it all.”

“Stop thinking about years ahead, Spence. All you have to think about is right now. I know it feels like we’re running out of time, but don’t rush life.”

You smiled watery and I went to sit on your lap. You rubbed your hand against the small of my back and we watched the sun start to rise. We were done talking to the moon. I dragged you inside, the new day’s sun was coming in through the windows.

“Do you really think you’re running out of time?” You asked me, holding me close.

I nodded, “Yeah. I always feel like I am. I thought I’d have two kids and a golden retriever by thirty-one, but I have none of that and I’m getting close to thirty-two. Twenty-four hours just feels shorter and shorter everyday.”

“That’s because each day is a smaller and smaller fraction of our memories. Time feels quicker and quicker every day.”

There you were. There was my love. My you.

I squeezed you, “I know. It’s just scary. I feel like I’m behind.”

“I feel like that a lot too. You know I thought I’d cure schizophrenia by twenty-five?”

I smiled, “Even you can’t do everything, love.”

“Do you want to catch up?”

“How so?”

“We could get a golden retriever.”

I laughed, “Sure, and next you’ll be saying ‘let’s have a baby.’”

You shrugged and swooped me in front of you, “Why not? Me, you, a baby, sounds pretty good.”

You said it as a joke, but it didn’t feel like one. “

You mean that?” I looked up at you and could see that longing in your eyes. You could see it in mine too. Always so pensive, Spencer Reid.

“I didn’t mean like right now, but we can soon. We have to get married first.”

I rolled my eyes, “Who says we need to get married first? JJ and Will didn’t get married until Henry was four. They’re perfect.”

“Henry wasn’t planned.”

“And?”

“And, I’d like to marry you before knocking you up,” you said it like a joke again, peppering me in kisses.

“We don’t need a stupid piece of paper from the government, Love.”

“So you don’t want to marry me?” There was amusement in your voice.

“Oh, I want to marry you. I want to marry you so hard, Spencer Reid.”

We laughed, “I want to marry you so hard too.”

You kissed my forehead, and then my lips before moving away from me.

“So, we both know we want to marry each other and we just agreed to have a baby, like soon?” I clarified.

“Yes. We did. So, what’s stopping us from doing it right now?” You started milling around in the book case, looking for something. “

Don’t you dare get down on one knee right now, Spencer Reid. I told you already, I am not getting engaged without my nails done.”

You smiled, “I wasn’t! I wasn’t! I was just going to put on some music.” You held up a CD, and I smiled. You came back and pulled me close, and we started to sway back and forth. I always wanted to dance in the kitchen with the love of my life. That morning I did.

After the song ended, we went up to bed finally. I remember laying down and kissing you, going to the place we usually went. Afterwards, you held me against your chest again, “Did you mean it?”

I nodded, “Every word.”

You sighed happily, “So did I.”

I looked up at you, grinning, “So does that mean puppy Reid and baby Reid are coming soon?”

You rolled your eyes, “Puppy Reid, I can handle. But baby Reid is after Mrs. Reid. Call me old fashioned, but that’s how I want to do this.”

I toyed with your hair, “I can handle that.”

While I was packing, I found the CD you were rummaging for. I put it on and danced around the kitchen again. It wasn’t the same. ‘Your Song’ by Elton John is a love song, and love songs just hurt when you’re alone. I swayed in the sunlight, imagining you were swaying with me, talking about having a baby and getting married. I miss that feeling. I miss talking to the moon. I miss ice cream. I miss dancing in the kitchen to Elton John. I miss baggy tee shirts. I miss little notes. I miss the way “How wonderful life is when you’re in the world” felt when I was in your arms. I miss late night kissing. I miss the way you feel with me. I miss us. I miss you, but I miss that you.

You’re probably wondering what your souvenir from that night is. I thought about giving you the CD, I thought about giving you some ice cream and a spoon, I even thought about giving you the moon, but I decided on the note. “I love you, love.”

The note was badly wrinkled and his pencil chicken scratch was faded with time. He smiled, remembering the hundreds of notes he probably left you. They always ended in “I love you” with a little doodled heart. He remembered dancing in the sunlight and looking at engagement rings and rescue dogs. He missed you, and not just the version of you from that memory. He missed the version of you from the end. He hated that you didn’t miss that him too.

“I thought going through all of this would bring me some closure, and now that we’re halfway through I realize that was a mistake. Instead of stitching me up, this opened wounds I thought I had long since healed. This brought it all back. I hope this doesn’t do that for you. I hope it’s the period on the end of this run on sentence. I hope this is closure for you. We both need that.”

He took the letter and the note and walked to his bed, flopping on it and staring at the ceiling fan. It was soothing, in a weird way. He fell into a trance.

His phone ringing tried to snap him out of it. He didn’t reach for it and waited until the vibrations died. They came again, and he forced himself to look at it.

JJ.

Great, first Derek, now JJ. He knew they were just being good friends, but it was getting tiring. He wanted to just be alone, and he especially didn’t want to hear from JJ. His relationship with her was a point of contention with you and he didn’t even know. Between what he had just read and the photo from her wedding, all the old feelings he had for her were brought back to the surface and made him feel gross. He now realized the way your face would turn sour whenever he would pick JJ up in a spin and your off remarks when he’d mention going out with her. In hindsight, you were being jealous but somewhat reasonable. Before he met you, he wondered if he was just waiting for an alternate universe where he could be with JJ. One where there was no Will and no bad Redskins date, where he could look at her without it hurting. Now he knew he’d only be waiting for an alternate universe where he could be with you.

The phone buzzed again and he finally decided to grab it and answer.

“Hello?”His voice was groggy and hoarse from not being used.

“Spence? Hey, it’s me, I just wanted to see if you were okay?”

He didn’t answer, eyes still trained on the fan.

She cleared her throat, “I just talked to Derek and...”

“What’d he say?”

“He told me about the letters, little dramatic huh?”

He could hear her roll her eyes. JJ was the sweetest person alive, but when it came to Spencer the claws could come out.

“Yeah, I’m up to number ten,” he kept his voice steady and almost bored, not wanting to reveal anything to her.

“Out of how many?”

“Fifteen.”

Spencer stood up and walked to the window by the chess table.

“How are you doing?”

“Did you know every seven to ten years our cells regenerate completely?” Spencer spoke into the phone, staring out the window. It was mid afternoon by now and the snow had stopped. The cars on the road had ruined the innocent white snow, leaving dark gray slush in their wake.

“Every cell?” JJ said back, the phone making her voice crackly and hard to hear.

“Yeah, skin cells live two to three weeks,” He swallowed thickly, “So the skin she has right now is skin I’ve never touched. Those cells don’t know who I am. My lips are already on the second cycle. They’ve never kissed her. Eventually I’ll have a body that doesn’t recognize hers and she’ll have a body that recognizes someone who isn’t me.”

JJ didn’t speak, just sighed, “You know that isn’t true.”

“It is, Jennifer,” He ran his hands through his hair, “I’m going to be stuck here and she’s going to move on and it’s killing me.” His voice cracked at the end.

“Then don’t think of it as being stuck, think of it as a turning point. You get to choose a direction now. You’re at a crossroads, Spence, you can choose to move on.”

She sounded earnest and he knew she was right, but he couldn’t help the feeling. It’s like he was in quicksand and no one could pull him out.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

JJ sighed, “Do you want to talk about the letters?”

“No,” he said harsher than he intended, “I just want to finish this and then figure out what I’m supposed to do.”

“Well, if you need any help, you know where to find me.”

He nodded as if she could see him and whispered, “Bye.”

He hung up before she could respond. He threw the phone on the window sill and walked to the bathroom, splashing cold water over his face. He stared at his own reflection in the mirror. It looked foreign. The whites of his eyes were bloodshot, his skin looked pale, and his hair looked like he had just rolled out of bed, which he kind of had. He felt like his whole body was bruised. He toyed with his hair to get it to a tolerable place and sat back down on his bed, grabbing the tenth letter.

part 11!

taglist! (just let me know if you’d like to be added!)

@l0ve-0f-my-life @aperrywilliams @helloniallslovelies @random-ravings @ajwantsapancake @andiebeaword @boiled-onionrings @frnks-stuff @icantevenanymore1 @mellifluouswildbluebells @rottenearly @sammypotato67 @blushingwueen @peaxhyjaes @justanotherfangurlz @juniorgman187 @mbowles23-blog @blameitonthenight21 @goldentournesol

#spencer reid #spencer x you #spencer reid fic #spencer reid smut #spencer #reid #reid x you #reid fic #cm #cm fic #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #mgg #fanfiction #matthew gray gubler

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moth-song-archives · 3 years

Text

The Insatiable Flow of Time (1/8)

I remembered that I can make posts here too huh! Anyways, I wrote a post-MAG200 fic <3

I’ll reblog it again with the link to ao3 if you’d prefer reading it there :D

Rating: Teens and Up Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Categories: F/F Relationships: Georgie/Melanie, Georgie & Jon, Jonmartin (mentioned) Characters: Georgie Barker, Melanie King, Jonathan Sims, the Admiral, Basira Hussain (mentioned), Rosie Zampano (mentioned), Martin Blackwood (mentioned)

Additional tags: Diary/Journal × post mag200 × Post-Canon × Canon Compliant × Rated for swearing and me doing my best to write a fitting epilogue for my most fave story of all time × Bittersweet × Hurt/Comfort × Grief/Mourning × Gentle-Sad-Soft × Fluff × Non-Sexual Intimacy × Tenderness × Generally Hopeful Ending × Ambiguous/Open Ending × Catharsis × You know how TMA is a tragedy? ... yeah × Hope Punk × dealing with the fallout of surviving a literal apocalypse × Moving on and letting go × Trans Georgie Barker × Nonbinary Melanie King × Melanie uses any pronouns but needs to (re)discover this first × and is then mainly referred to with they/them pronouns for diary-simplicity × Melanie is ace in my heart ♡ × Jon is also enby but it only gets referred to in passing × Georgie has a Type™ × Character Study × i love them all so much × Nonbinary aspec author × it's very hope punk and somft BUT ALSO VERY SAD × in like a cathartic way × because i like causing pain :') × pre-written and updates every 2-3 days

I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

As the world tries to piece itself back together, Georgie grapples with her past, her present, and her future by keeping a diary. She also keeps having this strange, recurring dream that involves Jon. Post MAG200.

Finished at ~12k, will upload over the next couple of days <3

Day 3 - Evening

Melanie is sleeping. Basira is also sleeping, on the sofa in the living-room. She doesn’t really know what to do with herself, these days, so for now she’s staying with us.

I am not sleeping. I’m so far beyond tired that I can’t sleep anymore. It’s been... how long? More than a day, certainly. I’m at the kitchen table and the night outside is darker than any I’ve ever seen. There are no street lights and a million more stars than I could’ve ever imagined. I wish Melanie could see them too :(

Back before everything in my life went wrong, I used to be really good at this. I think I got my first diary when I was... seven, maybe eight? I used to be obsessed with it. I guess I stopped writing in college, after the incident, because it felt... wrong? Like I was lying to myself, trying to fabricate emotions that just weren’t there, keeping up with things that no longer seemed important or note-worthy. Mainly, I couldn’t make myself care about anyone or anything anymore.

I think I want to find that person again, now that it’s over. Try and… move on? And Melanie encouraged me :) I guess that’s the main reason. I found this notebook in one of the domains when we were rescuing people. I don’t know what I originally wanted to do with it, but I did end up forgetting about it until I went through my bag again today. It smells like fire and is a bit singed in places, but I kind of like that? I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. ...that sounds very pretentious, but this is just for me, so...

And I like that it’s just cheap paper scribbled on with a shitty biro. Maybe I’ll just burn it when all the thoughts are on the paper instead of in my head. When I can sleep again. And the prize for the most dramatic way of closure goes to Georgie Barker! But yeah. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

But I don’t feel any different. Shouldn’t I feel different, now that they’re gone? The entities, I mean, though Jon and Martin seem to be gone, too.

I keep remembering Martin’s expression when he told us to go early, how upset he was.

Honestly, I can’t say I’m surprised. As long as I’ve known Jon, he’s always done what he thought best. It used to drive me up the walls, but I also admired it, I think? I never would’ve told him that, but… Well. He’s gone now.

It’s over, all of it.

And I still can’t sleep.

And Melanie is still blind, and I still feel empty, and my fear still hasn’t come back. Everyone who died is still dead, and the trauma is still there. There were angry mobs in the streets, and people got killed.

I can’t quite believe that Jon and Martin went with them. I can’t believe they left us behind to explain the entire mess.

We’re back in our old flat. It’s so weird to be back home. Everything looks the same, as though no time passed at all. Nobody knows what date it is. How long were we caught in there?

Outside, it feels like spring. There are birds everywhere, singing their hearts out. Sounds like more birds than there used to be, too. The trees are leafless and dead-looking, but Basira pointed out that they’re getting there... and it feels like spring.

I haven’t slept properly in 3 days because the questions keep me awake. It’s not that I’m worrying, really, just… thinking? I think I could sleep better if the worry had come back, but it hasn’t.

As far as we can tell, all modern devices are broken, too. Computers and phones and such, digital cameras, generators... we don’t even know what the rest of the world looks like. I hadn’t realised how much gets controlled by computers these days, we don’t even have central heating or water access in our flat. Rumours and news are spreading person-to-person, like in the Olden Days. We only have emergency systems that were installed in case of nation-wide blackout. I guess I’m glad we don’t actually have a blackout, we just need to get the computers back to work. (If I understood it correctly.)

Melanie thinks it’ll all come back to life in a few more days. I certainly hope so. I also hope I’ll stop feeling like this. Or rather, not feeling like anything. It’s so strange. Like in the first days after the incident, when I just felt numb?

They’re gone! I want to feel like a person again! What if I never get myself back?

They’re actually gone.

What will we do with our lives now? Basira isn’t the only one who feels uprooted. I think the whole world feels like that right now.

I hope my computer comes back soon. I miss music, and making things. My photos, all those memories.

I don’t want to lose all of that. I want to start fresh, but not without records of the past.

…I’ve had a lot of time to think about that, specifically. Records, and futures.

What the Ghost is done, right? There’s no fun in creepy ghost stories if you’ve been through an actual, living nightmare.

I think I want to start new with that, too. When everything works again, that is.

New world, new future, new podcast. I like that. I think. Make a record of what happened through eyewitness accounts? Or is that too similar to the Statements… then again, it’ll be more like interviews. And I think we shouldn’t forget.

We owe them that much.

I’ll have to talk it over with Melanie tomorrow. Maybe.

We’ll see.

God, I think maybe… maybe I can actually try and sleep tonight. Writing does seem to help.

Note to self: thank Laverne for suggesting it. (Also for being there for Melanie. And listening to us. And stopping with that culty nonsense. She’s the only one we found so far, but she actually listened to us. Strange to think that in this world, I have to be grateful for someone not worshipping me for some dumb reason?!)

Day 4 - Morning

So. Three things.

1) I did manage to fall asleep after all! I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac, especially after the incident, so actually getting some proper rest felt really good.

2) I somehow woke up right as the sun went up! I think I’ve never seen a dawn this beautiful? I watched it from the bedroom window and I’ll definitely describe it to her in detail when she wakes up! The Admiral was sleeping on our pillow, right next to her head, snuggled up against the back of her neck and shoulder... it was so cute. I can’t believe my phone and camera still don’t work! Melanie has that old polaroid camera somewhere but we haven’t found it yet, and I wish my art skills were any better. I did draw a sketch of the two of them though. I’ll cherish it forever, no matter how shitty it is :’)

After everything that happened, the Admiral is still a bit weird around us. He started out really aggressive, calmed down a bit, and now… now he’s weirdly skittish? Meows a lot. Keeps walking around the flat. The only thing that even remotely returns him to how he used to be is tuna. It’s weird.

But seeing him like that, with Melanie? I love him so much.

I think he’ll be okay.

But before I forget, and why I actually got out the diary at this ungodly hour instead of trying to go back to sleep now that the sun is up…

3) I had a really nice dream. And... I don’t even know. I think I want to try and hold onto the feeling? I don’t think I’ve felt that… deeply… in a long while. Maybe the last time was before all this, when we decided to move in together. Before all of this happened.

For a moment, I felt like I was whole again :’)

It didn’t even have Melanie in it, which is very rude tbh. I think Jon was there? The Admiral, too. We were just chilling on the sofa, watching netflix I think... It felt so... mundane??? Casual, somehow??? Like it was normal to feel like that and I just... I want THAT. I want to feel like that again, instead of this weird… blank nothingness? I want that all the time, not just when I’m riding a high or feeling so terrible that it pierces through.

I don’t know if that makes sense but this is just for me anyway so I suppose it doesn’t have to.

I think I should feel bad about Jon being gone, but I still don’t even feel relief at it being over. Just this vague numbness.

I hate it so much, except I don’t, actually, I just know that I should?

Melanie keeps saying that I need a therapist but if we’re being honest here, I guess I need one the least? The whole goddamn world needs therapy right now. Including the therapists. And I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now.

I guess I keep hoping it’ll just go away somehow.

Anyways. Enough introspection, I’m going back to bed. I hope I don’t wake them! :)

Day 4 - Evening

It’s night now, the sun went down hours ago. We have a bunch of candles, but I’m trying to use them sparingly, so I just have one lit. I put a glass of water next to the candle so now the light gets magnified a bit more. It’s a weird atmosphere, but I kinda like it? Feels… cozy! :)

I’m still not over how everything looks the same, but nothing works like it did before, and there’s this… burden? This collective trauma everyone went through. It feels so surreal. So many things are still broken… it’s like we woke from a collective nightmare, but pieces of it still remain, floating around.

And we just sent it away with the tapes. I really hope those other worlds are doing better than us, but what else could we have done? I… try not to think about it. I know I should, but I still can’t really bring myself to care, or even feel overly guilty for that? …

Melanie fell asleep with her head in my lap half an hour ago. I was reading to her. She says she loves the sound of my voice, so I’ve started doing that in the evenings. (I still love that we had separate crushes from a distance on each other for ages because of youtube and WTG. We’ve been talking about that a lot, too.)

She still has nightmares, but apparently she’s also been having good dreams, and she looks so peaceful right now. The last few days have been a lot, but in comparison to before, and even before then…

It’s over. We made it out. We get to have a future together. I still can’t quite believe it. :)

I guess I’m writing again (despite already having done so in the morning) because it somehow helped yesterday and I’m hoping to replicate that. And I have a lot to think about. It’s been a long day.

Basira is still out there, helping out where she can. I think she feels guilty. Melanie says she doesn’t because there was no other choice, but I know her, and I know that she’s lying.

There’s always another choice. We just say that to make it easier to bear.

I hope she knows she can come talk to me when she feels ready to tackle it.

I hope I ever feel able to tackle it myself. No. I will talk to her when I’m ready.

We did talk a bit about things, of course. Melanie doesn’t really remember her dreams, most of the time, but apparently she’s been alternating between horrifying nightmares and a really nice, recurring one that sometimes happens after the nightmares. She doesn’t really remember much of it, but she mentioned it after I told her about the Jon dream. Not what it was about, just… in general.

From the way she talked about it, I think her dad might have been in it? I’m actually not sure, but the way she smiled…

She has that little smile on her lips again, even now, dreaming. The soft one she gets when she talks about good things. About him.

About me.

(I still can’t believe she chose me. How impossibly lucky? How did I ever deserve her? But then, it’s not about that, is it? She is mine, and I am hers, and… life will be good. I know it will be.)

She’s been smiling a lot more, these past few days.

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ravenbrenna09 · 4 years

Text

Jij Verliest - Chapter Eight: Clips 3&4

master list

...

note: decided to drop two clips today because one was just texts; also as much as I want to italicize the texts, I’m not going to because Tumblr never gets all of them :/

also, mild spoilers for the the first part of Pokémon Sword and Shield

...

Maandag 14:11

Broerrrs + Luc

20 July, 14:11

Robbe: What are you guys doing on Wednesday?

Jens: Uh, I’m working that night. But not until like 19:00.

Lucas: I’m working that morning.

Jens: Really?

Lucas: Yeah.

Aaron: I don’t have to work.

Moyo: Me either.

Jens: Lucky you.

Lucas: Why?

Robbe: Because Sander wants to meet you guys. And he gets off at 16:00 on Wednesday.

Jens: Wait really?

Robbe: Yeah. Do you have a problem with it?

Jens: What? No, of course not. I guess I just didn’t expect it to be so soon. Especially after everything that happened.

Robbe: I know, but I want him to meet you guys. Officially. As my boyfriend.

Aaron: Awww, Robbe has a boyfriend.

Robbe: I’ve said he’s my boyfriend multiple times.

Lucas: Yeah, he literally won’t shut up about it.

Robbe: I’m sorry. How many times do you talk about Jens?

Lucas: :)

Aaron: I know, but it’s still new and I’m allowed to be excited.

Moyo: That’s true. We’re excited. And Wednesday sounds good to me. Noor and I are going out tonight.

Jens: Have fun! Wednesday sounds good to me too. Am I going to like him still after everything?

Lucas: Yes.

Jens: Oh really?

Lucas: One look at how he makes Robbe happy and you’ll like him again.

Robbe: I didn’t realize you stopped.

Lucas: He didn’t. He just says that he does. He’s gotta be all macho and protective.

Jens: You like me when I’m macho and protective.

Aaron: VDS at it again.

Moyo: You’re still in the group chat?

Jens: And? I can flirt with my boyfriend when I want to. Even in the group chat.

Robbe: I’m screenshotting that.

Aaron: What for?

Robbe: For when we eventually add Sander to this chat. And Jens tells me not to flirt with my boyfriend. I have proof that I can flirt in the group chat.

Jens: Are we adding Sander to the group chat? We haven’t even met him officially yet. And we never added Thomas to it.

Robbe: I know, but I have a feeling about this one. Plus, I know you guys already like him anyways. Especially Aaron.

Aaron: That’s true.

Jens: In love Robbe is my favorite Robbe.

Moyo: Yeah.

Lucas: Agreed.

Robbe: Thanks guys.

…

Dinsdag 19:25

It had been on Robbe’s mind for awhile—days, weeks even. It was time for something different.

At least for Tuesday.

Tonight, Sander was going over to Britt’s parents’ house. It had been an unexpected and last-minute invite from her parents and Sander was asked to come. Britt had messaged Robbe about it, asking if it was okay, and Robbe had said that it was. It still felt a little weird—as weird as his boyfriend pretending to be dating his ex-girlfriend could be—but that wasn’t why Robbe was upset. But, Robbe didn’t even know if ‘upset’ was the word he should be using… Disappointed? Maybe.

It wasn't about Sander going over to Britt’s. It was Sander going over to Britt’s tonight.

Changing up his streams had been on Robbe’s mind for a few weeks and yesterday afternoon, after playing numerous matches that were just like all the others, he finally decided that he wanted to do it. At least for one day. When Britt had asked—followed shortly by Sander’s call—he thought of pushing the change off until later but, at the same time, Robbe didn’t want to.

Since that Friday night, Robbe had been itching to play Pokémon Sword and Shield, the newest generation in the franchise. With their buzzed and love-drunk minds, they hadn’t really gotten very far into the game. Every once in a while, they would pause to kiss and it would end up a little more handsy than originally planned. Once they managed to pull themselves away, they would barely make any progress before they would tumble back against the bed, kissing each other.

So Robbe went out and bought a Nintendo Switch after his Monday night stream. Because Sander had a copy of Pokémon Shield—he remembered the opening title scene quite vividly—Robbe chose the opposite version before looking through to see what other games were compatible with the console. Once he got his new purchase home, he spent the majority of the evening setting it up with the help of YouTube videos. Zoë had brought him a plateful of spaghetti as he was knee-deep in cords.

Once he woke up on Tuesday morning, Robbe put the finishing touches to make sure that everything would run smoothly—or as smoothly as it could without going live. Even though Robbe had informed them that he was going to do something different, his nerves were still running high, bouncing in his chest. For years, Fortnite had been the only thing that Robbe streamed. So the bulk of his audience would expect Fortnite from him.

Before he started the stream, his phone vibrated loudly against the desk, pulling his gaze from the computer in front of him.

Sander: Have a good stream, baby. I’m hoping to catch the end. If not, I’ll watch it before bed.

A flood of warmth shot through Robbe and soothed all of the erratic nerves in his chest. Unconsciously adjusting his headphones, Robbe typed out a quick message.

Robbe: Have a good dinner. Text me when you get home.

Sander: I will <3

Once Robbe placed his phone to the side, glancing at Sander’s framed sketch, he started the stream. Even though he was still nervous, it was all for nothing. To his surprise, a majority of his regular audience were excited to see him play through Sword for the first time. On the other hand, there were still a handful of people who weren’t excited. Before they left the chat, they made passive aggressive comments about going to watch a Fortnite streamer, and the comments stung a little. Thankfully, the majority of his audience encouraged him and he started the game with little fuss.

On that Friday evening with Sander, they had chosen the water-type starter, Sobble. While Robbe thought that the anxious salamander (or chameleon?) was adorable, he ended up choosing the Scorbunny this time around, which he named Flint. The white bunny with a bandage on his nose had interested him. Plus, if he and Sander were going to continue with Sobble, he wanted to do something different with this one. Once he hit the first route of the game, Robbe caught a Rookidee, which he named Alloy. It was a small bird that looked angry but would eventually evolve into a Corviknight.

When Robbe finally reached the Wild Area, the vast area between cities—and, he learned, Pokémon’s first step into an open world—Robbe paused to consider getting the online services to connect with his viewers who had Pokémon. After a few minutes, he decided to wait until later in the game before he got the online services. Plus, he wanted to look into the other games on the Switch so he could do what they were temporarily dubbing “Nintendo Tuesday.”

As Robbe prepared to enter the Opening Ceremonies for the first time, his phone vibrated against the desk, drawing his attention. Rebel, Rebel played again as Sander’s text message popped up on the screen.

Sander: Baby, buzz me in.

Pulling down his headphones, he barely could make out the buzzer in the hallway. It was still going—which meant that no one else was home. “Umm,” Robbe said, placing his controller on the desk. His character was mid-conversation with a stadium worker and his chat was moving very quickly. “Sorry, I’m going to take my five-minute break now.”

Muting his microphone and placing his headphones on the desk, Robbe shot out of his bedroom door and hit the buzzer on the front door. It only took nearly a full minute for Sander to arrive at the front door, knocking lightly, and Robbe opened it impatiently to find him there on his doormat. Sander was dressed in a long-sleeve black button-up with a pair of skinny jeans. His cheeks were flushed, likely from the heat.

As soon as the door opened, Sander stepped into the apartment and kissed him hurriedly. His skin was hot to the touch—and a little sweaty–but Robbe didn’t mind, bringing him closer against him. Sander wrapped his arms around Robbe’s waist before pulling back. “Hi, baby.”

“Hey,” Robbe said, beaming.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your stream,” he said. “I just really wanted to see you.”

“Is everything okay?” Robbe asked.

“Yeah,” Sander said, squeezing his waist. “Everything is fine. While we were at dinner, her parents asked us if we were really dating because we never kissed in front of them. When her father tried to force us to kiss to prove that we weren’t faking it, Britt exploded. She got into a fight with her dad and I could only watch with her mom as they fought. In the end, she came out to her parents.”

Robbe felt his eyes grow wide, pulling back. “What?”

Sander nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t tell you before because she wasn’t ready yet. But when I took her to my apartment and was going to come over here, she let me know that I could tell you. She’s been in a relationship with her girlfriend for six months. Her parents were always a little overbearing and controlling in her life and tonight was the last straw. She packed a bag and she’s staying in Noor’s bedroom until she figures out what to do.”

“Wow,” Robbe said. “I’m so sorry.”

Sander shrugged with a sad look on his face. “It’s been a long time coming. Since she’s found out, she’s been a ticking time bomb with her parents. They always talked about her being with a good guy—even when she was with me, both real and fake—and she internalized all of it. Every time, she got a little closer until it was too much.”

Robbe nodded. He understood that feeling. In high school, he exploded at the Broerrrs. He had been going through so much—his mother in the hospital and his repressed feelings that he refused to acknowledge to even himself—until one day it was too much. Thankfully, he had Milan and Zoë to help him. The Broerrrs forgave his explosion and changed when they realized how much Robbe was hurt by their words. Avoiding Sander’s gaze, he mumbled, “I know what it’s like… to explode.”

Sander nodded, pressing a kiss to Robbe’s forehead. For a second, they simply rocked in the silence of the foyer. Soon, Sander ducked his head down to press a kiss against Robbe’s lips and he arched against Sander’s chest. Robbe stood on his toes, wrapping his arms around Sander’s neck, and kissed him back. Sander wrapped his arms tighter around Robbe, bringing him flush against his chest, as he dug his fingers into his hair.

Pulling back, Sander kissed his nose. “You better get back to your stream. I just really wanted to see you.”

“They can wait a little more,” Robbe said.

“Yeah, but you don’t want to keep them waiting forever,” Sander said grinning. Placing one more kiss on his lips, he moved back to the front door. As Sander reached to open the door and step outside, Robbe tugged him back against him and Sander looked at him confused. “What is it?”

“You don’t have to leave,” Robbe said. Sander stared down at him with half-lidded eyes and Robbe swallowed his nerves. “You can stay here and come on the stream with me—or hang out in my room if you feel more comfortable with that.” A small smile grew on Sander’s face. “Besides, I need your expertise about my stream and I’d love to have you with me.”

“Didn’t you say last week that I would be distracting?”

“Maybe,” Robbe said, tilting his head back. Sander stared at him with a sly smile on his face. “Maybe I also changed my mind about you being distracting. But you have to promise to be on your best behavior.”

“Okay,” Sander said, gripping his hips tightly. “I’d love to join. But I don’t know how much help I’m going to be with Fortnite and online matches. All I know is what you’ve told me or I’ve heard on your streams.”

Robbe smiled, pressing a kiss to his lips before moving to the kitchen. “I’ll be back soon. I still need to grab a glass of water or I’m not going to be able to make it the rest of the stream without another break.”

When Robbe returned to his bedroom, Sander had kicked off his shoes and unbuttoned his shirt, exposing the black shirt he had beneath it. His bag had been discarded at the foot of the bed. There was an emotional look on his face as he turned to Robbe who stepped into the doorway.

“You’re playing Pokémon?” Robbe nodded, relishing when Sander closed the distance and pressed another kiss to his lips. Even with a full glass of water in his hands, Robbe wasted no time in wrapping his free arm around his shoulders and kissing him back. When they separated, Sander grinned. “Lucky for you, Mr. IJzermans, I’m quite the Pokémon expert.”

Robbe smiled, stealing another fleeting kiss. “Lucky me.”

#wtfock #wtfam #jij verliest #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #twitch streamer!robbe #tattoo artist!sander #sobbe #rosander #they're in love

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