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#maybe i wasn't joking after all
dazaistabletop · 10 months
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Wait-
Wait wait wait wait wait-
Everybody shut up
How does Atsushi have burn scars on his side if he could heal himself
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you don’t have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website
well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.
#ask tag#not counting#like um. i do understand that maybe this person's sense of humor is way different then mine okay#but like. they said that they didn't mean it legitimately and once they saw it was haarmful they apologized#for me to say ''i am glad i understand your side of the story and you understand mine'' i am not saying i'm the bad guy#there's really no ''bad guy'' in this situation as i see it because the world is more nuanced then that y'know#like. sometimes people have a sense of humor that you can't pick up on. it doesn't mean you shouldn't state your point of view#and say ''that wasn't how i want people to talk to me and i also won't let you do that''#also the only part i really ''apologized'' for was that i used a term for them that was uncomfortable#i assume for gender reasons. and i understand where that comes from. if someone called me ''girl'' while arguing i wouldn't like it#whenever i said sorry after that i did my best to try and word it in a way like ''i am sorry this happened but it's not my fault''#like how when. idk. someone's grandma dies and you say ''sorry for your loss'' you're not saying that you killed their grandma#you're just saying that you feel bad that the thing happened but not that it's your fault#and yes. i do agree that the situation may have been fixed if they just said it was a joke but hindsight is 20/20 right?#anyways. that's my take on the situation.#and like. idk. if they apologized and told me how they saw it. i'm gonna believe them because i have had WAY more malicious people here#like idk. there have been anons who have said wayy worse and there's no discernable reason for why they would#like that one anon who told me that i should get my arms chopped off or something. idk. i deleted it before i could commit it to memory#and that was on purpose#but like. my point is. there's worse people. and if i focus all of my energy about being mad over a person who made one joke in bad taste#idk just seems like a waste of time#at least that's my perspective on the situation. never said i was the bad guy. just sorry it happened#also sorry it happened so late at night for me! i need an ibuprofen and a bagel now
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katierosefun · 1 year
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making original characters and watching them grow is so cool and also so funny because i really thought one of my original characters was bisexual but then i realize no. no he’s gay. he’s gay. this other character? i thought that she was straight. she is bisexual now because no straight woman looks at another pretty woman like that. one of my characters has barged into my room and gone, “btw. my mentor figure has a weird ass relationship with the diner owner btw. yeah i think they’re lovers.” and i’m just. “he couldn’t tell me that himself?” and this other character goes, “no. i’m just telling u for him. because you know he won’t tell you himself.” and that’s just. that’s just how it be
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bredforloyalty · 1 year
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i don't think we do luv i don't think we do
#i do agree (obviously!) that for a series you need to get people to care about your characters so they want to keep watching it#comedy barely holds up without a story.. if you don't take time to work on storytelling or you want inexhaustible archetypes for characters#that you can use to churn out jokes‚ whether that's pointless random skits like family guy does it or something based on the relationships#like relationships within a certain status quo (s1 rick garbage man abuses his family. except it wasn't that simple back then either)#the problem with the sitcom where nothing changes so someone can just write gag after gag without changing the foundations is that it#becomes tiring. people stop caring because you've made it impossible to care for the characters by not allowing any meaningful changes#so in that sense i do agree it is 'becoming an actual series'. but it was on its way from the beginning‚ just needed some refinement#a whole lot maybe#but with setting limits for your writing and keeping your characters consistent and engaging emotionally you limit the#wacky hijinks as well. like don't tell me we got a banger like the vat of acid episode from season 6 or even 5 lol it's no longer explosive#i think rick and morty has always been inconsistent and that bred both great episodes and khm bad ones#there's definitely gonna be less bad ones from now on but the potential of the r&m dynamic has also been.... i would say curbed#that's okay this needed to happen like this. and i think they're going in the right direction and i think the stars will align and they'll#write bangers again#a lot of great things could happen following this. like in these actual arcs that they're developing there's still potential for comedy and#drama and they'll find their way back imo. to the sweet spot between chaos (wacky random funny) and order (meaningful and consistent)#ok that's all. if one hates rick being a miserable pathetic piece of shit one should mayhaps fuck off#✌️💗#kata.txt#rnm
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sysig · 1 year
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Happy SCII-mas 👽🎅🎁 (Patreon)
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Saw you posting Reki again. Everything okay?
(Thanks for showing us Reki 🥰)
lol
i mean like. literally speaking, yes. but i ran out of my meds a little over a week ago and keep forgetting to call the doctor's office to get a refill before they close so i have. not been Great this week but for literally No Reason lol
always i will always show reki have you seen him? have you seen my reki? okay thank you anyway. i love my reki. reki, my love...
oF sKaTeBoArDiNg
#crogan tag#lol i've also just been. really tired this week and stressed about practicum because we go into the field next monday and we STILL don't#have our placements which is frustrating and i accidentally fell asleep for a half hour earlier today and had... well it wasn't a nightmare#but i woke up Feeling like it was like i felt like i couldn't breathe for a minute and i was like Scared for a good minute after i woke up#even tho nothing happened and my heart was racing and it kind of just. never went away and like head has been... not throbbing but i can#feel this like. pulsing behind my eyes and up in my forehead and idk why and like i'm starting to cry as i type this and idk why because#like there's no genuine reason for me to be sad right now and i think that's getting to me and my throat has been tight all day like#swallowing hurts and not in the sick kind of way and idk reki just makes me happy i love him i love him so much frick i need to hug vanessa#(my stuffed animal pig) right now idk why typing this is getting to me or even why i'm typing this sorry not to just dump everything on you#i'm sure this was a joke and like it's actually really funny and i giggled but now i'm suddenly realizing that h#*hm maybe i'm not lol i just feel bad because my mental health has been so bad this week that i just haven't been answering any messages#frick sorry this is a lot i'm so sorry i'm hoping that typing this out in the tags will make me calm down or feel better or. idk whatever#ranting in the tags usually makes me feel better because i'm saying Something and not just stewing in it also i swear i can hear my#eyebrows moving and it's so weird like that's not a bad thing i just keep noticing it and i can Hear them maybe i'm just neurodivergent lol#just a random observation... or maybe i'm just tired lol bestie i am so so rry this is a lot feel free to ignore my tags you didn't ask for#this oiugytftgyhujis also i Have stopped crying so like it only lasted for a minute - woooooo#i hope you're doing well <3#corey rambles:)
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maddy-ferguson · 5 months
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it's actually fascinating that i'm not depressed rn because my life isn't that much better than it was when i actually was depressed (2019). i mean i guess it is a little better because my grandma didn't just die and i'm not in love with someone who doesn't like me back and i also kind of know where i'm going with school and presumably life and i don't call the place i live in my cell because of how small it is but the foundations are still very shaky
#this reads like a joke because it is but it's also true#i remember in october of 2018 like a month after my grandma had died i was at my grandparents' house for the first time since she had died#or for the first time since her funeral ig because i spent a few days there while she was in the hospital and after her funeral etc. and i#was thinking about my life and about how very boring it was. and i had basically always thought that but from that moment on it was like an#actual situation and then i started being sad all the time in like january (not even right after my grandma died because of course i loved#her very much but it wasn't even about that) and then in march or maybe april i started feeling empty more than sad and that was just crazy#and then in july i started wanting to kill myself and i finally understood what people on the internet were talking about and anyway. bad#year. but it's like. okay i had all that going on but i remember being like how did i deal with my life being this lame before#because it was never good. i was stupid to enjoy it and to not feel like killing myself every second of every day. and when i stopped being#depressed (incidentally when i stopped being invested in my friendship with the girl i was in love with like literally my grandpa died in#december of 2019 and it was terrible and i was very sad but it still didn't stop me from getting better😭 so crazy our relationship was just#THAT bad for me) i remember being SO grateful that my life was back to being boring i was like i would rather be at a 5-6 all the time than#go from 11 to -5 in five minutes and so i really liked feeling bored but not empty and it's crazy because i still feel like that when it's#been almost four years like i was expecting that feeling to fade a little. but i'm also like well maybe i should do things to make my life#better because the only reason i'm not depressed rn is just because i don't have one more bad thing going on like i'm just lucky😭#lmao. but also. i don't really want to i just wish i had one more friend#and like i say: brf slt#tw suicide#<- for me#my friend i was in love with was a very nice girl she never really did anything to me if we had been friends at any other time in my life w#would probably still be friends. or i guess not because i WAS in love with her but like i had issues with our friendship that i never would#have had if it had been any other year in my life i was crying up to 10 times a day at one point in late august because she hadn't#talked to me in like 25 hours like i was not normal😭😭😭#i was very close to my grandparents i saw them like at least one week every month even though they lived 400kms away and spent all my#holidays with them it was my mother and them that raised me and my sister them dying altered the fabric of my life. for context
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zoekrystall · 5 months
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I could rant abt how I hate germany and despise being german but instead of ranting will I just say everytime this awful country shows it stays nazi loving which is very often do I think abt that woman that was very kind to me for the few days I was at that one free hotel room in the short time I was homeless (honestly everyone but the fucking gov workers were sweet to me and I would die for them, never knew how much someone older seeing me as their child would make me want to cry) and said, nicer than I'll paraphrase, "yeah germany sucks I'm going back to my country" and gave me earrings and since then do I think of actually getting them pierced just for her. Was here for prob just a few days and already knew this place sucks.
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👌
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cheekblush · 10 months
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first day back from my vacation and i'm already crying bc of my brother and mom
#i really wonder what it's like to have a supportive loving and understanding family#it started bc of such a stupid reason but it escalated so quickly into a huge fight with my mom bc she has to make everything about herself#i really can't tell her anything that worries or upsets me bc she will always make it about herself and belittle me#like even if i tell her smth as simple as i'm tired she'll be like you have no right to be tired i work so much more than you i'm the one..#who's tired.... like it's not a competition... why can't i talk to my mom about simple things like this!?#i don't want to go into detail about what happened today but basically my brother only shows up when he needs smth & that really upsets me#i told my mom about it & that ended in a fight with me crying & her mocking me saying are you depressed again?#that hurt me so much bc i was su*cidal a couple of years ago like i really looked into ways how to do that & she just says smth like this..#so carelessly as if it's joke#i know i'm such a burden to my family bc with my big age i still need so much help but at least i'm still alive...#at least that's what i thought before but maybe things really would be better if i wasn't here at all#it would lift a lot of burden off my family's shoulders.. they shouldn't always have to accommodate me bc of my mental health issues#my dad does the most for me but he never openly complains even though i know i'm a huge inconvenience to him#he sometimes does say things like what will you do when i die though which also hurts me a lot#but i think he maybe appreciates more that i'm still here after everything i've been through.. idk though#i thought i calmed down but i'm crying again.. i haven't thought about all this in so long#maybe if i was at least a little helpful to my family but they do way more for me than i do for them..#maybe i really am just a selfish ungrateful bitch....#☁️
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nutelloona · 10 months
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some nights I really wish my front door wasn't so fucking loud to open/close bc as much as I feel trapped and suffocated in my room on night like these, - and in my house in general, tiny apartments and all that crap that capitalism keeps blessing us with - dealing with questions or concern from my siblings is one of the most unbearable consequences I can picture
#I just know I won't be able to sleep tonight#as I also know that driving around the city wouldn't actually make anything better#there's the gas prices and the general street violence that also make those night drivings not as relaxing as they should be#but even if ignore all of that for a moment#I know damn well where would I end up driving to#bc my fanfic writer driven brain can't have normal coping mechanisms or develop reasonable ways to deal with conflict#every fucking problem I have has a dramatic ass speech ready for it with entire scenes and contexts that fuel the drama even more#no one deals with shit like that this ain't the final 20 minutes of a coming of age movie#my shit won't go away after a long emotional confession of mistakes and full on vulnerability#bc the person I'd make listen to it wasn't written by me and their reaction wouldn't be anything close from what I'd expect to hear#what I'd want to hear#tbh at this point I'm not even sure what I wanna hear from her#maybe I just want to hear ANYTHING from her that isn't this deafening silence that she decided it was enough to show how she felt#maybe I just don't wanna feel like I'm a huge joke for going through all of this by myself while she has no idea of any of this#there's just too much that I don't know where to put bc it should all go to her#I feel like I already did everything I could to make her acknowledge my feelings my hopes my needs my mistakes my whole fucking existence#but she chose to walk as far away as possible at the sight of all of that#I could type until my fingers bleed and shout until my throat exploded in flames but she still wouldn't listen#I wasn't even worth a reaction to her and it kills me every single day#there's no point in any of this rant and I know that#but it's all I have left#this is it
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mypoisonedvine · 9 months
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𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐂𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 | dad's best friend!cillian murphy x reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | based on the following request: what would dilf/dad's best friend cillian do if he found your dildo?
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 5k (this was literally supposed to be a drabble...)
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | smut (18+ only), significant age gap (reader is college-aged, cillian is in his late forties), voyeurism/exhibitionism, semi-public sex, use of toys, praise kink, unprotected sex, very brief/semi sarcastic 'sir' kink, shockingly fluffy??
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Not that your parents' anniversary cocktail party wasn't horribly riveting (cue dramatic eyeroll) but you were upstairs, on your bed, on your phone; you'd had enough of 'so how's college going?' and 'what's your major again?' and 'got any boyfriends yet? you must be a heartbreaker' for one evening— or a lifetime, preferably.
It wasn’t even that comfortable to be on the bed in your party dress—a cute, short sparkly one that you’d picked out for tonight—but it was better than standing around and trying to balance in those sky-high heels; those you had kicked off into the corner of the room the second you were alone.
When you heard a small rap on the door, you hummed a quick "Come in!" and didn't even look up from your phone, figuring it was your mom or dad come to find you after you disappeared.
Instead, you heard Mr. Murphy's voice as he leaned in the doorframe; "Sorry to bug you," he said, startling you slightly as you closed Instagram and set your phone down. "Just needed a Tide pen— your mom said you might have one in here?"
"O-oh, yeah," you said, sitting up, "sure— what happened?"
"Salsa fiasco," he joked softly as he shut the door behind him, showing you the dark red stain on his shirt— though the shirt itself was red, so it wasn't too egregious, but still noticeable.
"That's too bad," you chuckled, "I warned them about that salsa— if you serve salsa, there's gonna be a fiasco, that's what I said."
He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "They should listen to you more," he agreed.
"I've got a couple stain remover pens in that top drawer," you suggested as you pointed to your dresser.
"Great," he smiled, starting to unbutton the shirt; you got nervous for a second until you realized he had on a black undershirt beneath. It's hard to say why you were nervous about that, since you'd seen him shirtless plenty of times in the years you'd known him...
"Nobody's worried about me going missing, right?" you wondered as he continued working on the buttons, and he shook his head while shrugging slightly.
"Not yet," he replied, "but they're going to want to find you soon, you're sort of the star of the night."
You rolled your eyes, frowning. "It's my parents' anniversary party, I think they should be the focus."
"Maybe they should, but you're the much more interesting one," he informed you.
You pulled your legs up a bit, leaning to the side as you sat on your bed; as much as all this attention from your parents' friends was usually annoying to you, something about being interesting to Mr. Murphy didn't bother you so much. "Is it weird for you?" you asked, lowering your voice a bit; he tilted his head quickly as if to ask what you meant. "Going to an anniversary party after, you know—"
The words hung in the air, seeming to gather around his conspicuously naked ring finger: after the divorce. "Oh, no," he scoffed, taking off his cufflinks. "It's fine; but I'm sick of the questions about it."
You winced. "Sorry, I didn't mean to—"
"Don't worry," he laughed finally shirking off the shirt; he looked a little too good in just the short-sleeved undershirt. "You can make it even by letting me ask you how college is going."
"Oh god," you groaned, rolling your eyes, and he laughed.
"If I didn't know from your parents that you were acing it, I'd worry that your aversion to talking about it meant you were struggling somehow."
"It's not that," you assured, "it's the people."
"The people?" he pressed. "Or the guys?"
You laughed nervously, looking down at your lap. "Geez, you learn to mindread while I was gone or something?"
He stepped around your bed to get to the dresser, laying his shirt down over it. "No, I just remember that time— somehow. And I remember how much of a headache I and every other young guy was."
"I guess not much has changed then," you smiled.
"What, I'm still a headache?" he grinned as he looked over his shoulder at you.
"No, I meant—"
"I know what you meant, I'm just teasing," he chuckled. "Top drawer you said?"
"Yeah," you nodded, and he opened the top drawer of the dresser; of course, only right then did you remember that you should have specifically said top left. Because the top right was—
Oh shit.
You swallowed thickly as Cillian stared down into the open drawer, and your heart pounded as you somehow hoped and prayed that what was in there had turned invisible or something; but if the look on his face was anything to go by, it was just as visible as ever.
“I—fuck, sorry, I forgot that’s—” you choked out, face burning impossibly hot.  “I never meant for you to see—I’m—could you shut the fucking drawer, please, you pervert?!”
“I’m the pervert?” he laughed thinly, looking at you again finally.  “You’re the one with a massive fucking dildo in here.”
“Well—you weren’t supposed to see that—”
“Yeah, but—fuck,” he choked, “I was just looking for your stain remover and I see your— you have a— are you sure that isn’t technically considered a weapon or something?  How’s a guy supposed to compete with that?”
“That’s the great thing about it: he doesn’t have to compete,” you explained, “that’s sort of the whole idea.”
He looked back at it for a second and you yelped, reaching your leg off the bed to kick him in the hip.  “Would you please shut the drawer?!”
“Sorry, sorry,” he laughed a bit, “but I mean, how am I supposed to react to that?
“Well, you’re not supposed to just stare at it!” you insisted.
He shut the drawer, giving you a look you couldn’t possibly decipher.
“What were you thinking?!” you said, somewhat rhetorically.
“I—well,” he hummed, looking away from you for a second, “I was thinking that I can’t imagine how you can possibly fit something like that.”
You blinked quickly, not sure what to say in response to that.  “Well—I mean, it’s a little big, but… it gets the job done.  Keeps me from calling the guys I shouldn’t be calling.”
He nodded.  “Well, that’s good… none of those college boys could possibly deserve you…”
His eyes were running all over you, and even though you’d picked out this dress just for this party because you loved how you looked in it, you felt a little exposed by his stare.
“I just can’t believe a girl like you—”
“Come on, I’ve never been a saint,” you scoffed, glancing away.
“No, I just mean… the size of that thing…” he trailed off.
“You really can’t get over that part,” you noticed, “is this some kind of… intimidation, Freudian situation?”
You glanced quickly at his pants, and he started to deny it instantly.  “No—come on, it’s not—I just can’t believe you take all that.  For fun.  It looks like it would break you.”
You hadn’t even had any drinks at this anniversary party, and yet you found yourself with this foggy head like you were tipsy; you blurted something out as if you were tipsy.  “What, you want me to prove it?”
His chest sunk a bit, and you were about to take it back when he spoke before you.  “I’d like to see you try.”
Biting your lip, you sat up on the bed, reaching around him and into the drawer.  He didn’t step back or out of the way, just let you grab the toy and lean back on the bed in front of him.
You reached up under your dress, sliding your panties out of the way, finding yourself suddenly plenty wet to fit this toy.
His eyes never left you, though they certainly travelled all over your body as you pressed the toy up to your entrance; it was thick, he wasn’t wrong, and you had to slowly warm yourself up to it whenever you used it on yourself. 
After pushing with enough pressure, the tip finally slipped inside and you let out a small sigh.  He watched carefully, and your lips fell open into a moan as you pushed the toy deeper into yourself.  When the stretch became a bit too sharp, you winced and slowed down, trying to take your time even with your heart racing and hands shaking.
You heard his own breathing picking up, watching you take the toy deeper; you found your gaze wandering over him, even lingering on his groin to see if you could catch a bulge growing there, but nothing was obvious yet.  You stared for a moment at his hands, too, suddenly wishing to have them all over you—well, maybe not that suddenly, you’d sort of thought about this before.  It wasn’t until somewhat recently that you noticed how sexy he was.  Maybe when you were younger, you understood that he was better looking than all the other adults you knew, but only once you left for college did you start thinking about him out of nowhere, imagining what he was really like when he wasn’t just being friendly with you—you even asked your mom once on a phone call if he was dating anyone.  Thankfully, she didn’t seem to get suspicious when you asked that; but she’d be more than fucking suspicious if she walked in now, saw you doing this to yourself under his watchful eye.
Oddly enough, the knowledge that someone could walk in and see this just made you even more desperate, and you gasped as you pushed the toy in deeper.
It still wasn’t all the way in, and you already felt so full… truth be told, he had a point about it maybe being too big for you—when you usually used it on yourself, you only put it in a little over halfway, since that was all you really needed.  You hadn’t put the whole thing inside since you first got it—and yes, you’d ordered it online, because if you’d seen it in person you probably would’ve been as intimidated by its girth as he was.
Your decision not to wear a bra with this dress became very apparent when his gaze settled on your chest; your nipples were hard, and clearly visible under the fabric now.  It was just because it was strapless that you went without, but you were thankful for it when you saw him quickly lick his lips at the sight.  You dared to moan just a little louder as you pulled the toy in and out, picking up your pace carefully.
“How’s it feel?” he asked lowly, his eyes drifting back to where the toy slid into you. 
“Good,” you mumbled, “really fucking good.”
“Can you really take it all?” he pressed, making your walls clench on the silicone.
Instead of answering aloud, you simply pushed it all the way in until your eyes rolled back—it was so deep, pressing heavy and fat against your deepest points until it felt like you might burst.
“Fuck,” he praised—it was just a swear, but the way he whispered it made it sound like a praise.
You sped up slightly, trying to do this the way you normally would without someone staring at you.  But you were even more sensitive with him watching, your walls clenching more and more around the toy until it was almost hard to keep thrusting it in and out.  Sighing, you shut your eyes and laid back on the bed to try to help yourself relax.  The change in angle just seemed to make the toy go deeper, rubbing harder against the spot inside you that made your back arch.
“You’re so wet,” he breathed; you whimpered, nodding in agreement, and kept moving the dildo as deep as you could get it with every thrust. 
Your free arm went back over your head to hold onto the comforter under you, your hand gripping tight for some relief for the pressure inside you.  “Fuck yes,” you whispered, knitting your brows together and fucking yourself faster.  “Feels so fucking good…”
He hummed a little, but you kept your eyes shut, afraid you’d lose your nerve if you looked at him again.  It had been months since you used anything but this, and you had no regrets—the toy performed way better than any of the guys you’d met at college.  But, truthfully, you didn’t like having to do this to yourself.  It felt like you could never move it fast or hard enough, and you needed to constantly have perfect control over the toy to get yourself to come—and when you come, the last thing you want is to take control, you want to lay back and lose control.  Still, it was better than the college fuckboys who smelled like beer and didn’t last more than two minutes.
Thinking about them wasn’t going to help you now, though; it was much better to think about Cillian, about those icy blue eyes running all over your body, about how his hands would hold you down while he claimed you, about how his lips would feel on your neck before he whispered in your ear that you were his…
You let out a sharp and sudden moan as the toy hit harder on that spot; your legs started to shake.  “Good girl,” he mumbled, making you moan even louder because god, those words just sounded right in his accent, with that rough voice—and they sounded right being said to you.
“Fuck,” you choked, “Mr. Murphy, I—”
He laughed a little.  “So polite,” he cooed.  “Open your eyes and look at me.”
Though it made your heart beat even faster, you did as you were told.  His stare was all-encompassing, making you feel completely trapped in a way you enjoyed more than you could’ve imagined. 
“Call me Cillian,” he insisted.
You weren’t sure if he meant to literally call him that right in that moment, but it sort of came out anyway: “Cillian,” you moaned, and the grip he’d taken on the dresser behind him tightened.
“Can you come for me?” he asked lowly.  “Right now?  Can you come on that fake cock?”
You bit your lip and nodded, moving the toy faster and faster— more desperate to come than ever.  “I—fuck, yeah, I’m close…”
“Good,” he praised again.  “Let me see you come, honey.”
Your back arched harder, deeper—your hands were shaking but you kept going, holding on tight to the dildo and forcing it back and forth as your legs began to quiver.
Moans poured from your mouth faster than you could try to quiet them—everyone was downstairs, you just had to hope the music and conversation was enough to drown out your desperate, pleading noises.  “Fuckin’ beautiful,” he mumbled, right as you hit the peak and melted into the mattress, a wave of ecstasy pouring over you.
You felt hot everywhere, but especially between your legs—you could swear you felt yourself leaking out around the toy, soaking it, giving away how needy you’d become and not even having the mental energy to feel any shame for it.
Cillian certainly didn’t look like he was trying to shame you for it; when you opened your eyes again, he had a stunned expression—in the best way.  “You normally come that fast for a toy?”
You laughed a little, but you still couldn’t quite catch your breath.  “No,” you admitted, “it normally takes… a bit longer than that…”
“What was different about tonight?” he mused, and you scoffed and rolled your eyes again.
“Shut up,” you sighed.  “Now I have to figure out how to take this thing out—I’m always sore after…”
“If you can handle putting it in, taking it out shouldn’t be much trouble,” he noticed.
Which, yes, that would make sense, but after coming you always got all tight and sensitive and it could be a little intense.
“How about I help you?” he offered, and your chest tightened.  He waited for you to nod before carefully wrapping his hand around your own, watching your face as he gently guided you to pull the toy out.
Your lips were slack and your eyes were probably glassy and dazed as he looked at you like that, completely enveloping you in his stare as he studied every detail of your expression.  Aside from some heavy breathing you didn’t react much to him sliding the toy out of you, until the ridge of the head reached your entrance and you winced.
“Shh,” he soothed gently, “it’s okay…”
A long sigh of relief emptied your chest when the toy tapered off and you felt the last of it slip out of you; you really noticed then how soaked you were, as a draft in the room seemed to cling to the patch of wetness that had coated all between your legs somehow.
“Lemme see, baby,” he cooed under his breath as he set the toy aside, kneeling down and resting a hand on the inside of your thigh to keep your legs open.
You could barely catch your breath with him doing that; you’d never had someone… look at it like that.  You felt incredibly vulnerable but impossibly sexy as you heard him sigh at the sight.  “Is it all stretched out now?” you wondered.
“No,” he said, “you look… just as tight as before.  Fuck.  That’s incredible.”
You bit your lip, sitting up enough to try to get a look at his face past the puffiness of your dress’ skirt, and he smirked up at you with the loveliest sparkle in his eye.  “Really?” you breathed, and he nodded.
Even though your hands were still shaking you suddenly felt brave; maybe it was just the afterglow, but you grabbed him by the shirt and sat up to kiss him, colliding your lips with his.  He reciprocated instantly, putting his hands on your upper back that the strapless dress left bare.
The kiss was perfect—needy but not too fast, sweet but not too chaste, teasing but not too slow.  The guys in college couldn’t even kiss like this… you were wondering why you ever even tried with them—or, you would’ve been if that kiss left you capable of thinking about anything but him.  “Need you,” you whispered as you pulled him closer, wrapping your arms around his strong shoulders.
“Fuck,” he mumbled against your lips, a hand holding your waist while he started to kiss your neck and jaw.  “Not here—your parents—”
“Don’t care,” you whimpered, “I’m so—fuck, Cillian, please—”
“You already came,” he noticed with a small laugh, “didn’t that take the edge off?”
“Not enough,” you whined, getting impatient and running a hand down over his shirt and down to his pants—and you smiled proudly as you felt the hardening bulge beneath.  He choked a little when you touched him there, holding you tighter.  “You want me too,” you noticed.
“Of course I do, but—” he breathed, then stopped himself as he tossed you back on the bed; you giggled as he crawled up over you, pinning you down.  “But we can’t… your parents would have my head on a platter—once they’re done serving crawfish etouffee off of it downstairs.”
“Well, I wasn’t planning on telling my parents,” you smirked.  “Were you?”
“No,” he agreed, kissing your neck again as you hummed happily.  “But if they found out—”
“So?  They wouldn’t like if they found out about what just happened, either—and they won’t.”
“But this is different,” he insisted.
“How?”
“Because this…”
He trailed off, kissing down your neck and over your shoulder, until a hand reached up to pull your dress down and expose your chest.
“Shit,” he sighed at the sight of it, and you smiled up at him.
“You were saying?” you teased.
“Right, erm,” he swallowed, “this is different because—because if we do this, you’re gonna be my girl.  Not just a misguided one-time fuck because you were turned on after screwing yourself with your dildo while I watched.”
You felt a little out of breath but nodded up at him.  “Okay,” you agreed.
“Okay?” he repeated, looking a little shocked.  “I tell you that you have to be mine and you just say okay?”
“What was I supposed to say, yes sir?” you joked.
“I just mean—shit, if I knew it would be this easy, I would’ve said something sooner,” he chuckled.  “But I’m, er, not complaining about the yes sir thing either…”
He sat up and started to unbutton his pants, making you wiggle a bit on the bed impatiently.  Even though you’d just gotten filled by your big toy, you felt needier than ever for something inside you—something real. 
Your throat caught when he took it out— it was pale and veiny just like the rest of him; long, uncut, a bead of precum starting to leak from the slit… it was beautiful, honestly.  The artificial fleshy hue of the silicone could never compete.
“Big enough for you?” he asked with a smirk, but you had to swallow before you answered because your mouth was watering.
“Yeah,” you panted, “plenty.”
He kissed you again, laying more of his weight on top of you; your legs wrapped around his hips, keeping him close as he pressed you down into your bed.
One hand found your wrist and held it back above your head, while the other kept a tight wrap around his cock so he could guide it to your waiting entrance.  When he pushed inside, you both sighed with relief like you’d been longing for this for ages—perhaps because both of you had, in your own ways.  “Fuck,” you breathed, “Cillian…”
He whispered your name back to you, heavy and desperate and right by your ear, and you absolutely knew you were his, just like he said.  He only stilled for a moment when he was all the way inside, already starting to rock back and forth—but he was sort of tender about it, watching you move under him as he fucked you.  “So pretty,” he praised quietly, kissing you again, even harder than before.  You both moaned into the kiss, and a warm, rough hand settled on your thigh under your dress.
Soon, the pleasure was too much to even focus on kissing, and your mouth just fell wide open in front of his as needy moans passed through it.  He stayed close, though, watching your face go slack with ecstasy.  The previous orgasm had left you sticky and sensitive inside, still totally dripping for him, everything in you begging for more.  “Oh my god,” you sighed, eyes rolling back, your composure completely slipping already.  He made you feel so good so easily—and fuck, the way he was looking at you, it was just too much to bear.
“Mm,” he hummed proudly, latching his lips onto your neck again until your fingers tangled in his hair.  He moved down and caught a nipple in his mouth, making you whimper as he suckled at it gently. 
“Fuck,” you whined, nearly pulling him along by the hair when he moved to the other one; you couldn’t stop clenching inside, squeezing him until he groaned against your skin. 
“Won’t last if you keep doing that,” he warned you softly. 
“What if I don’t want you to?” you teased, and he growled a little between his teeth, sitting up to look down at you.  He fucked you harder, but put a hand on top of your head and pet your hair for a moment, looking at you like you hung the moon; how could he be so dirty then so adorable within the same split-second?!
“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” he decided, speaking softly, “how about that?  What do you want me to do?”
That was a little too much power to give you, at least in your opinion, but you grinned as you considered it.  “Then I want you to come way too quick,” you decided, “like all those annoying college boys—because you just can’t help yourself.”
He laughed a little, though he stopped to bite his lip as he fucked you even harder—and faster, too.  “Okay,” he breathed, “don’t know why you want that, but—fuck— it won’t be very difficult after that little show you gave me.  You look so pretty when you come…”
“Just keep going and you can see it again,” you promised, holding onto him tighter as he pressed into you and really let you have it—not really rough or anything, you couldn’t risk making any more noise than you were, but still aggressive and passionate and desperate.
He kissed your neck again, burying his face in your shoulder and finding the spot that made you gasp out his name suddenly; your fingers clutched at fistfuls of his undershirt, and your legs began to shake where they were hooked around his hips and half-pushed-down pants.
“Oh my god,” you gasped, the pleasure hitting you again—but it was better than with the toy, it was stronger, and it just kept going because he kept going.  When your head fell back onto the mattress with a sigh, he realized that he’d made you come.
“Wait, fuck, I wasn’t looking,” he rushed as he popped his head up from the crook of your neck, “do it again.”
You laughed breathlessly and pushed against his shoulder a bit; “Shut up, I can’t do it on command.”
“You did it the last two times I told you to,” he reminded you, and that just made you feel even more deliciously dizzy. 
Yes, you were definitely his girl now—totally addicted to him.  You’d never felt like this with somebody—not just physically, but the trust and the laughter and the comfort of it all.  This wasn’t a too-empty dorm room that still smelled like fresh paint, it wasn’t a mattress with no sheets in an apartment with 5 roommates nearby, it wasn’t a guy you vaguely knew from a two-hundred-student class or someone you saw on a dating app and talked with for an afternoon before meeting for ‘coffee’ (it was never just coffee).  This was Mr. Murphy—and that should’ve made it weirder, but somehow, it just made it make more sense.
“So, if I tell you to come again,” he spoke lowly by your ear, a new authority to his tone, “you should come.”
You couldn’t think of anything else to say: “Yes, sir,” you breathed, hugging him close to you and pressing your face against his shoulder.
Of course, it wasn’t quite instantaneous, but just another minute of him giving you those deep, controlled thrusts right into your favorite spot sent you over the edge easily—and this time, he gently guided your face out of its hiding spot and looked at you, watched your pleasure overtake you, tenderly rubbing your cheek with his thumb.  “Good girl,” he praised softly, kissing you again just as the last of it drained from you; you were so numb that you barely heard him whisper something to you—it took you a few seconds to process it.
“I’m gonna come,” he’d whispered to you, “fuck, you’re so fucking warm…”
“Come inside,” you instructed, and for all the concern he tried to perform for you after you said that, his moan was undeniable, as was the way he started to move faster.
“Fuck, really?” he nearly whined.  “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” you nodded, panting.
“You’re on—”
“Yes, please, just come inside me,” you begged, and he finally stopped protesting and pressed himself as deep into you as he could—you could feel the way his cock flexed, and it made your exhausted walls dig up just enough energy to flex back.
“Fuuuuck,” he groaned, holding onto you tightly.
You hummed a little at the feeling, turning your face towards his, hoping to see what he looked like in this moment—but he pulled you into another kiss before you could get a good look.  Even this kiss was different from the others—a little slower, a little more tired in a wonderful, dreamy way.  He was breathing heavy against you, and eventually he found the energy to push himself up with his arms on either side of your head, and you smiled up at him.  He looked really fucking good like this: his face a bit flushed, which seemed to show his freckles and fine lines even more (which you adored); his hair falling down, a little wavier from the slight sweat he’d worked up; his lips swollen and slick from the kisses; and those eyes, they looked as beautiful as always, but they made you feel beautiful, too.
“Is taking this one out gonna hurt, too?” he asked you with a smirk.
“Probably a little,” you shrugged.
“For both of us,” he agreed, “I’m so fucking sensitive now… you really do have me acting like a desperate college boy—but you know, it’s been a while, so…”
“Right, sure—good excuse,” you joked, but you didn’t mind any of it either way.
He did it a little quicker, pulling back as he took a sharp breath in, and you giggled softly.
“Fuck, I can feel it, like… leaking out,” you admitted, biting your lip at the sick satisfaction of the warm gush.
“I think I need to see that,” he said, sitting up and picking your legs up from under the knee to look at you.  This was apparently a habit of his—and you were starting to get used to it already.
“How’s it look?” you asked, wondering if he’d finally stretched you out after that.
He just stared at it for a moment longer, running his tongue over his teeth, before finally looking back at you and saying with a smile: “Looks like you need the Tide pen more than I do.”
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Text
Soft Astarion Jealousy
Now with part 2!
I love Ascended Astarion because he's horrible but the sweetness of the other end of the spectrum is impossible to deny. He's just so in love and grateful I can't 🥺🥺
So here's some jealousy that isn't psychotic. Well it is but not as bad:
Astarion never expected to be the jealous type. He always thought...well. In all honesty he never thought about the reality of having a relationship. He didn't even think it was possible for him, let alone the idea that he would actually want it. Even with you, even after he admitted a fraction of his own feelings to himself, he never thought that he would be so... possessive. Though admittedly, he had very good cause for it.
Because you were frustrating. So, so frustrating. For some idiotic reason, you simply didn't understand how alluring to others you really were. You were a pretty little thing, yes but that wasn't the problem. It was so much more than that. And he knew that the others wanted you. Every last one of them. Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Wyll, Karlach, Gale, Halsin. All of them like moths to a flame. And that wasn't even counting all of the strangers you had met on your journey, the extras that thought they had a shot with your greatness. They all wanted you in ways that made Astarion seethe. And the desire from others wasn't even the kind that he was used to, the kind he understood like the back of his hand. Because you didn't need to seduce to cultivate desire. All you needed to stoke the flames was merely your presence. Experiencing you was all that was required for people to know they wanted more.
Astarion knew that the others weren't just looking for a bedmate, they wanted you for the same reasons he had grown to. Your empathy, your desire to understand those around you. Your fearlessness, your infuriating habit of always trying to do the right thing. They wanted you for your laugh, the way your eyes would crinkle in the corners when your smile was too wide. Your silly jokes, your endless hopefulness for a future. It felt as though everyone around saw you for the gem that you were and it was... concerning. Extremely concerning.
Astarion hated thinking about things like this. He loathed admitting the truth to himself even more. But he was...terrified of losing you to someone else. Especially since it could so easily be done. He was so very lucky that you weren't the brightest, or at least not when it came to matters of the heart. You could do so much better than him, a fact that was incredibly obvious to everyone around you. Everyone but you, a luck that Astarion did not take lightly. But how much time did he have before it ran out? Would it ever?
Perhaps it was delusional, but he was starting to think when all of this was over, assuming neither of you perished anyway, that...it could just be the two of you. Living together, exploring the world, even if it had to be under the cloak of night. Maybe... maybe the two of you could even find a cure for his unsavory condition. The thought itself was incredibly stupid, but then again, it was just as idiotic to believe that there was a cure to the Mind Flayer parasite. But here they were, closer then ever. And if that was such an impossibility turned into reality, perhaps a vampiric cure wasn't so impossible. Or maybe even finding an alternative method for immortality for you, without the downsides of his own. Anything that could just keep you both together, for as long as possible. It was an unrealistic dream, that would never come into fruition. If anything it was dangerous, so very dangerous to even entertain the thought of forever. Especially when your connection was so tenuous.
Astarion would never be stupid enough to thank Cazador for anything but...he'd be lying if he said he wasn't appreciative for his own lack of subtly when it came to seducing you. Even if it originally was for distasteful reasons, it still got him ahead of the pack. If he had been less calculating, less astute, there was a sincere chance that you would be warming someone else's bed at night. Callousness would never be without it's uses, even if it led to uncomfortable situations like his current infatuation.
What would he do when you inevitably wanted to leave? How could he survive after having something so...good. Someone so caring, someone who for some very horrifying reason liked being around him. And the sex... it was fabulous. He was a massive fan of your intimacy, when he was capable of participating in it. He adored it, he adored you, your beauty, the sweet noises he could coax from your mouth, the europhia of being inside of you. Then there was the fact that you could be intimate without any traces of it devolving into lovemaking. He had never been gifted with the ability to say no before, so often and so freely without a single fear of punishment. If anything, it felt like he was rewarded when he was honest with you, when he would share his sudden fits of discomfort in his own body, the memories that plagued him and doomed him to staying stubbornly soft. You would never get angry, never even disappointed. You would just listen and smile, always adorable when you would ask, "But I can stay for a cuddle, can't I?"
An extremely silly question, considering the two of you hadn't spent a night apart from each other since you'd made it to the Shadowlands. Yet it never failed to make him melt.
It was getting worse, these feelings. He just wanted you around, by his side, constantly. Constant enough for him to get the ridiculous urge to hiss at anyone else who dared to come near you. He felt an intense need to protect the closeness the both of you had cultivated, the kind that he had never been allowed before. He had no interest in sharing you with your own friends when it came down to it, let alone another lover.
Which is precisely why his original, mild distaste for Halsin turned into a full-blown hatred the night he had the gall to proposition you.
It had felt like a shard of ice going through his chest when you bounded over to him, laughing about one of his greatest fears coming much too close to reality, "You won't believe the conversation Halsin and I just had-"
"Ah, I was wondering when you were going to ask me about that," Astarion laughed, purposefully interrupting you. He had no desire to hear the specifics of that conversation. He didn't even want to be having this conversation, where you were inevitably going to ask if it was okay to explore someone else.
The answer was no. Never would he be okay with it, allowing someone else to be close to what should have been his. But he needed to think strategically here. To say no could be disasterous. If it became a game of choice between him and Halsin... he's almost certain he would lose. Halsin was everything he wasn't; caring, giving, sharing in your worldviews in a way that Astarion never could. He couldn't risk it, he wouldn't. Having you at all was better than nothing.
"But I'd never even consider something like that-"
"It's fine," Astarion interrupts again, the fakest smile he can muster plastered on his face. The pain was worth the risk mitigation, he was sure of that. But... he still had to ask, "But is this because we haven't...y'know, in awhile?"
A sick part of him prays that you'll say yes. Because if that's the reason, he could do something about it. He could force himself if need be to always tend to your needs. Especially if it meant keeping you to himself. It was such a small sacrifice in comparison to the rest of his life. He would do it in a heartbeat if you demanded, anything to just make you stay.
But that was not the answer he received. Instead you frowned, looking him up and down, "What? No, I-Astarion no. Please don't think that. What we have together is so special to me. The physical part of it is lovely, perfect even. But...it's not what we are."
It's almost comforting to hear you say that. But then why did that make the situation feel so much worse? If it wasn't sex you were after then that certainly meant you wanted more with Halsin as well, did it not? But it was too late to rescind it now.
Astarion nodded, a confused mixture of hurt and gratefulness swirling through him, "I just needed to know. But if you're satisfied with me and just want to explore, go right ahead. I'll be here when you're done."
You nodded slowly, brow furrowed when you asked, "So...we aren't exclusive then?"
"No, of course not," Astarion confirmed, ignoring everything inside of him that was screaming for him to take it all back, "We can be as open as you'd like."
"I see..." You said, trailing off with a frown. You coughed into your hand, looking up at him sharply. Sharp enough for him to be sincerely confused, "Does this mean that you'll be speaking to me before you explore your other options?"
"I-yes? If you want?" Astarion answered, a new type of unease settling in his chest. You didn't seem very happy with this conversation, despite his best attempts to give you what you wanted. Where had he gone wrong? Was he already working to throw you into the arm's of another man, without even trying?
You were still frowning at him, your look cold in a way that made him feel particularly ill, "Please do. I'd like to know everything. I'm going to speak to Halsin, get this all sorted. We can talk later."
And then you were spinning on your heel and marching away, like Astarion was the offensive party here. It made no sense. He had done it all right, hadn't he? Agreed to it immediately, didn't make you feel guilty, had tried to be what you wanted. How had he failed?
He didn't wait around to see you go to Halsin. Instead he went straight back to his tent, closing the flap as he laid down. Great. Fantastic. Now he would have to be aware, perhaps even hear you being with another, while simultaneously reliving that horrid conversation in his head for the entire night. The hurt and worry was making his mind wander to uncomfortable places. Perhaps...Halsin could be dealt with in another way if things became too serious between the two of you.
Would poisoning the man be too extreme?
But before Astarion had the time to start thinking of a more detailed plan he was interrupted. Suddnely, moonlight was filling his tent, with your silleoute shining in the darkness.
He blinked up at you, confused, "What are you doing here?"
You frowned at him, looking hesitant in the entry way, "Should I not be? I thought-I can go if you'd like."
"No!" Astarion blurted out, loud and desperate enough to make him cringe. He cleared his throat, trying again, his voice still a touch too pitiful for his liking, "No, no, come here darling. Of course you're always welcome. I just assumed you would be busy."
To his relief you listened, crawling into the bedroll next to him. Astarion didn't waste any time in wrapping his arms around you, relieved to humiliating degrees that you had chosen to come back after the deed. Though...you didn't quite smell as he had thought you would. There were no traces of the floral, woodsy smell of the druid on your skin. Just the sweet, pleasant scent that he had grown so fond of.
You sighed as he tucked you against him, the warmth of you enough to make him relax for the first time that night. You laid together in a pleasant quiet, one that Astarion was actually scared to disturb. Despite the fact that he desperately wanted to know what happened between the two of you.
But you broke the silence for him, muttering into his chest after the two of you were settled, "I'm...sorry for being snappish earlier. I shouldn't have been. You didn't do anything wrong, and I know I don't own you. I shouldn't have assumed."
Astarion frowned, pulling back to get a proper look at your face. You looked hurt, sad even. Like you were the one who had gotten their heart broken. He could feel a curl of distaste settling in his stomach, annoyed that this felt as though the situation was being placed back to him. He had played his part, perfectly. What more could you ask for? What was there to assume?
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," Astarion carefully said, his eyes fixed on every micro expression on your face, "What did I do that could have been construed as incorrect?"
"Nothing!" You rushed to say, shame coloring your cheeks, "I was being stupid. You never promised me anything. I just...assumed. Wrongly that we were something we aren't."
That didn't-he-what? Astarion frowned at her, his confusion evident on his face, "What did you think we were?"
You looked uncomfortable, avoiding his gaze when you answered, "I thought that we were...together. Alone. Just us. But if that's not what you want I understand. It's fine-"
"What in the hells are you talking about?" Astarion blurted out, his anger and pain bubbling to the surface, "I haven't done a thing. And we were just us before you decided to galivant off with a bear of a man!"
He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. So much for playing things safely. No, he couldn't even have the self-control to stay quiet. He always had to ruin everything.
But surprisingly, you didn't look angry. If anything you seemed just as confused as he felt, "What? I didn't-we didn't do anything! When did I say I wanted to do anything with Halsin? You were the one saying you didn't care!"
You weren't making any damn sense, "Well why else would you ask me about it?"
"I didn't!" You huffed, glaring at him, "All I was going to say was that he asked me. And I wanted your help on how to best turn him down! And then you jumped at the chance to push me onto someone else-"
"I did nothing of the sort!" Astarion seethed back, "If it was up to me you would never look at another man again! Or woman for that matter!"
It was an odd feeling, to be arguing while holding each other so closely. But Astarion had no intention of letting you go anytime soon, even if he could feel you squirming against his ironclad grip when you fumed at him, "Then why would you say it was okay?!"
"Because I don't want you to leave me!" He shouted back, loud enough to snap him out of his own anger. All of his fury was instantly replaced with fear. Gods, why had he felt the need to say that? To lay his biggest insecurity out on the line. Why not just hand you a stake while he was at it, since he was so eager to give you the tools to destroy him.
But you were still seething, hissing back at him, "Why praytell, would I leave the man I've been in love with for months? Hm? Please, explain it to me!"
Astarion couldn't. He was too busy being shell-shocked at the confession, feeling too many emotions at once. Joy, relief, somehow even more fear than before. You so freely said the words that he had done his damndest to bury, to ignore. But now they were out there, filling him with a horrifying joy.
He wanted to say it back. He did. But he couldn't get the wrecthed words out. Instead he was just staring at you like an imbeicle, his mouth hanging opening at the confession.
But his silence didn't make you falter. Instead you looked determined, near fierce as you grasped his face into your warm hands, "I love you Astarion. You don't have to say it back. That's not what this is about. But I want you. And only you. If you want the same of me then you must tell me. Now."
Astarion let his hands flutter over your wrists, humiliating tears prickling at his eyes. But at least his vocal chords allowed him to answer you this time, "I do. So much more than you know. I want us. Just us. No one else."
The words were flowing out of him, too fast and sincere for him to make the appropriate edits in his head. He was saying too much, feeling too much, giving too much. But the way your eyes brightened at his words, the way you grinned at him before pulling him in for a sweet kiss made it suddenly feel like he wasn't giving anything up at all.
As much as he loathed to admit it, Astarion was exceedingly grateful for Halsin's existence after that night. He would never have had the gall to demand you to himself without a trigger, without the anger you both shared at being misunderstood. Because now, you were his. His alone, the proclamation coming from your own lips. And he was free to stop hiding how much he had wanted it. How willing he was to do anything to keep it. He let himself off his own leash after that, leaning completely into the mutual ownership you had of each other. No more would he silently sit back and seethe as a stranger flirted with you. No, now he'd be upfront and center, with a possessive hand around your waist as he glared them down, more than prepared with a confidence-shattering quip on his tongue.
He started to let all of his urges seep through, taking full advantage of your willingness. If Wyll looked at you for too long at the fire, with a touch of something that Astarion didn't like in his eyes, he'd effortlessly pull you into his lap onlookers be damned as breathed you in. If Gale suddenly had a suspect offer to teach you some new magic in a secluded location, Astarion would invite himself, impervious to any glares sent his way. And when he felt as though all of them were being a bit too flirtaious, he was more than happy to put them in their places at night. Spending hours upon hours making you scream his name in bed from pleasure, loud enough for everyone to hear and know exactly who you belonged to.
He couldn't care less if it added to his own unpopularity amongst their merry-band of rejects. Their opinions didn't matter. Not when you were eating all of the sudden attention up.
You let him do it all because you understood him, in ways that no one else had bothered to before. You knew who he was, what he wanted, the extent to how much he craved your attention. And you let it all happened, reveled in it even. The intense shows of affection. Because you loved him. And he loved you. And one of these days he'd allow himself to admit the obvious.
But for now, he had what he wanted. What he needed. And in the first time in his life, even with disgusting tadpoles squirming his his brain, Astarion was actually...happy.
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navybrat817 · 5 months
Note
I wish I had a smitten Bucky. Just sees me and wants me. 🥺
I know the feeling, nonnie.
Check Yes or No
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Summary: Bucky instantly falls for you, but waits to ask you out.
Word Count: Over 2.1k
Warnings: Fluff, could be seen as instalove on Bucky's side, attraction, slight insecurities, minor time jump, Alpine being the best, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).
A/N: I can't send Bucky your way, lovelies, so I hope you enjoy this short, surprise fic! ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
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Bucky wasn't looking for love the day he met you, but it found him anyway.
“Hey, Buck,” Steve greeted from his seat when he walked into the conference rooms and nodded to the spot beside him that you occupied. “I’d like you to meet our newest transfer. She’s also moving into the Tower.”
He was a changed man the moment your eyes met. Breathtaking was a word to describe you given how he had forgotten to breathe. He had witnessed many sunrises and sunsets in his life, a kaleidoscope of colors painted in the sky to both soothe and awaken the soul. They paled in comparison to the beauty before him.
One glance and he belonged to you completely.
“Hi, Bucky. It’s nice to meet you.”
While he wasn't sure if Heaven existed, you speaking his name was like hearing the voice of an angel.
“I’m Bucky.”
Of all the things he could've said, reiterating his name was what his mouth went with.
Instead of giving him a weird look or brushing him off when he scowled at himself, you smiled. “I look forward to us working together.”
Bucky couldn't tell you what the meeting was about that day, but he remembered the details about you. The way you leaned forward in your seat to pay extra attention when someone else spoke, also giving him an ample view of your chest before he reminded himself not to stare. The slight crease in your forehead when you jotted down an important note. And the soft giggle you let out when Steve cracked a joke.
He suddenly wished he was funnier.
“Have a good rest of the day, Bucky,” you said when the meeting ended.
Bucky didn't have to try to smile with you. It just came naturally. When you smiled back, it was easy to imagine what it would be like if you were his girl.
“You, too,” he replied, giving himself a mental victory for not screwing up his words this time. “Wait!”
You paused and looked at him expectantly. “Yeah?”
Bucky realized he had no reason to keep you from leaving. He just didn't want you to go. “Do you need help moving your stuff in?”
“I actually got my things moved in late last night, but thanks for the offer,” you replied, checking the time with wide eyes. “I'm so sorry. I have to go. I’m in 2L if you need anything!”
“Bye,” he called after you, turning in his chair to watch you go.
How did he miss you already?
Though Steve had a knowing look in his eyes, he graciously kept his mouth shut as he left the room. He reminded him an hour later that he wouldn't break any bylaws by asking you out. The punk somehow knew that you weren't seeing anyone.
Which made him happy.
While he appreciated Steve looking out for happiness, he still had to get his head on straight.
“Once I completely trust my own mind, maybe I will,” Bucky said, even though the stuff was already out of his head. He owed it to himself to take his time. And you.
Imagine his surprise when he found a note from you on his door the next day.
Hey, Bucky! Lunch on me today? Check YES or NO.
The lopsided grin on his face wouldn't go away when he read it again. You must've been interested in him enough to ask about him. How else did you know his apartment number? Why else would you ask him to lunch?
He nearly shouted “YES” in the hall before he came to his senses and simply checked the option before he returned the note to your apartment door.
When he met up with you later, he told himself it wasn't a date. It couldn't be, right? It didn't keep his heart from stopping when you answered your door. Dressed down and casual, you looked like an angel went to Earth just for him.
“Hey, Bucky,” you smiled. “Ready to go?”
He hadn't said much on the way to the cafe since he was too busy hanging on to your every word, but it was like he had known you for ages as you carried on the conversation. Your questions weren't invasive and you didn't seem to mind the occasional short answers. It was also the shortest meal of his life, over too soon for his liking, and he also refused to let you pay for his meal.
He wanted to show you that gentlemen still existed.
“Lunch again next week?” You offered.
“Sure,” he answered, his head spinning from giddiness.
But it wasn't a date.
It was time to change that.
Today was the day. Six months from the day he met you. Six months of chatting with you between missions and slowly getting to know you over weekly lunches. Six months of falling for you more and more each day and he finally worked up the courage to ask you out.
But falling was the easy part. Confessing was an entirely different story. He would either crash to the ground and hope his wounds would later heal or you’d catch him as he fell. No matter what, he wouldn't let his nerves get the better of him.
“Just like we practiced, okay?” Bucky asked.
“Meow.”
Alpine nuzzled her head against Bucky’s with a gentle purr when he huffed. She was his little partner-in-crime through and through. Like you, even though you didn't realize it, the little white ball of fur helped save him. He was fairly certain he wasn't supposed to bring her to this floor, but any reprimand would be worth it.
Besides, the Tower, office, anywhere they operated should allow them to have their pets with them, especially for emotional support.
“I'm counting on you,” he teased, placing the folded up piece of paper in her mouth. “Go.”
He peeked around the corner when he set Alpine down. The sun illuminated you from where you sat in the lounge, curled up in your normal spot on the sofa. You liked to relax there occasionally to read. He wondered what book you had with you today.
Thankfully, no one was around to disturb you.
Except for him.
“Alpine, is that you?” You asked when you looked up, closing the book as the cat approached you. While the feline was cautious of some, she warmed up to you immediately when you met and solidified that you were the one for him. “Whatcha got there? Where’s Bucky?”
His name spilling from your lips was still one of his favorite sounds.
He held his breath when Alpine jumped up beside you, opened her mouth, and dropped the paper in your lap. He immediately began to second guess himself when you unfolded it with a furrowed brow. Why did he think this was a good idea? Why didn't he just ask you like a normal guy?
To be fair, he hadn't been normal for some time.
“Will you go out with me? Check YES or NO. Love, Bucky,” you read out loud with a huge smile, which was enough to make his heart race. You giggled a moment later when Alpine bumped your hand, the soft noise making his stomach do a funny sort of flip. “Okay, okay. Let me get my pen out of my bag.”
Bucky exhaled a little as he moved to stand in the doorway. You didn't toss the paper away, so that had to be a good sign. He carefully kept himself from showing any outward emotion when you met his gaze, but his knees nearly gave out. His palms also began to sweat when you gave him a half smile.
Just when he thought you couldn't look more beautiful than you had the day before, you proved him wrong.
He ran a hand through his hair and hoped he looked halfway decent since he hadn't brushed it. But you commented a few weeks back that you liked it long when you saw an old photo, so he wanted to grow it out. He lost count of how many times he imagined your fingers in his hair
Maybe one day.
Watching you grab your pen, it was like he was drowning. The tide pulled him under as you made a mark on the sheet. His lungs burned when you handed it back to Alpine. He couldn't come up for air. He couldn't breathe.
Until you smiled again.
“Thanks, Alpine,” you said.
His cat gracefully walked back to Bucky and he swore he caught you trying not to giggle as she climbed up his leg. His heart hammered in his chest when he took the slip of paper from her mouth. Meeting your tender gaze, he couldn't bring himself to open it though.
After he told himself he wouldn't let his nerves get the better of him.
“Not going to see what my answer is?” You asked as he carried Alpine into the lounge.
“I want to,” he replied, sighing as he took a seat beside you. His cat was perfectly content to lay in his lap. “But I’m questioning if I did this the right way.”
The note you gave him for a simple lunch request may have been a small gesture in your eyes, but it meant the world to him. He thought by asking you out this way that he could give you something meaningful in return. Something that only the two of you shared.
That was all he wanted.
You turned toward him, your knee touching his. The small touch sent heat down his spine. “Open it and you’ll find out.”
He nodded, thankful that his vibranium hand didn't shake as he lifted the sheet. “Wait, let me say something before I do.”
The corner of your lip tugged as you tried not to smile. “Bucky-”
“I like you. I really like you. I have since the day we met. And I'm going to like you tomorrow. And the day after that and the day after that,” he admitted in a rush, catching your sharp inhale as he looked into your eyes. “But I know my past isn't easy to deal with. If you just want to be a teammate or colleague, that’s okay. Just. Being a part of your life in some way is more than enough.”
Alpine lifted her head and looked between the two of you, as if she was waiting with baited breath to see what would happen next.
Bucky felt a crack in his heart when you didn't speak or react, his body slumping slightly into the couch. It was okay. He took a chance and told you how he felt. He wouldn't force you to reciprocate.
“Bucky?” You asked above a whisper, reaching over to help him unfold the paper. He gasped when he saw the checkmark beside “YES”, blinking rapidly to make sure you picked that box. “I really like you, too.”
“You do?” He exhaled, grasping your hand with renewed joy. He was careful not to squeeze too hard. Hurting you was the last thing he ever wanted to do.
“Yeah. Pretty much since the day I met you,” you admitted, glancing in your lap before you met his gaze again. He saw stars in your eyes. “And your past isn't your fault, Bucky. You aren't something to ‘deal with’, okay? You’re a good man. I can give you a whole list of reasons if you need it.”
Physically, Bucky’s body was in peak condition. Your confession, however, caused all of the air to leave his lungs and made him weak in the best possible way. A familiar warmth moved through Bucky’s veins as he breathed again and it dawned on him at that moment that he hadn't felt cold since you walked into his life.
Not once.
Your faith in him gave him strength. Your mere existence gave him the courage to try. And he didn't have to go it alone.
“Wow,” he breathed, relieved and elated as he gave you a small smile. “How about tomorrow night?”
“It’s a date,” you smiled.
“Great,” he smiled back. A date. He couldn't wait to see the look on Steve's face when he told him that he finally asked you out.
“And I think the note was purrfect,” you teased at Alpine before you scrunched up your face. “I ruined the moment, didn't I?”
Bucky brought your hand to his mouth, kissing it as gently as he possibly could. He could hear your heart race. So was his. “Not at all.”
He knew it was too soon to say he loved you and it was likely too soon for you to feel that way about him, but he felt hope in your smile that you would one day.
For now, he had a date to plan all because you checked “yes”.
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We know it'll be the best date ever, right? Love and thanks for reading! 💙
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
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chuluoyi · 5 months
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✎ newlyweds
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- gojo satoru x reader
you and your new husband make out in the most inappropriate place possible
genre: 18+ suggestive content—minors do not interact!—in the form of gojo eating you out and some fingering?
note: oh god what have i done… to the anon who requested this, yeah… i’m kinda nervous, and i can't bring myself to proofread it SKADSK pls forgive my sins i’m logging out until tomorrow bye
a part of gojo's love entries
series masterlist | oneshot masterlist
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It began innocently enough, or as innocent as a visit to your husband's office should be.
You had wanted to drop by to simply see him for a bit. Perhaps because right after your wedding, he had been whisked away on missions all over Japan, leaving you with hardly any quality time together. You had been feeling rather lonely as a result.
You had expected over-the-top greetings and maybe some silly jokes, but the instant he spotted you entering the room, he swiftly pulled you close, tracing his fingers along your spine while studying your face intently.
"Satoru?" you tilted your head to the side, clearly confused. However, little did you know, your husband had different thoughts in mind.
He wanted to feast on you so fucking bad.
"My cute little wifey," he purred, a bright smile on his face. He was definitely your stupid husband still, but the way his eyes darken with desire told you that the other side of him had awakened as well.
You frowned in realization. "No, this is—"
But then Satoru quickly took his chance and crashed his needy lips on your soft ones. Taken by surprise, you sank into his arms that held you tight.
"—your office," you gasped amidst his fervent kisses. "Satoru, you can't—mmm!"
"Mm, you talk too much, wifey," he murmured against your mouth, still with that playful grin. "And I most definitely can. I've missed you, you know... just allow me this, please?"
Frankly, you missed him too. It had been a while... it'd be a lie if you said you didn't long for his touch.
Satoru steered you by the waist towards the desk, and then he started peppering your neck and collarbone with kisses.
"Mmm, Satoru—" your hands grasped his silky hair, gently kneading his scalp. The hard surface of desk was uncomfortable on your back, and yet you were still sprawled out there and the heat within you only grew stronger.
You could feel him sigh against your neck and tighten his grip on your hips. And to your surprise, one of his hand suddenly went to grope your chest, and at the same time he sucked on your neck, causing a whimper to escape your lips.
"You make the cutest noises," he grunted, voice husky with lust, and even you felt turned on. “I love it.”
This was so highly inappropriate. This was still his office at Jujutsu High, where anyone could enter at any time. No, more than that, this is public place!
"Satoru—ah—don't..." you were ashamed that your voice didn’t sound firmer, lost in the sensation of how he fondled your breasts. "We can... continue this at home?" you managed to offer, but right at that moment, he sucked hard on your ample bosom, making you gasp.
When had he managed to unbutton the first two buttons of your shirt, and how had you not noticed it until now?!
"Uh-oh, sweetheart," he mumbled against the valley of your chest, lips still practically on your generous mound. "I can't wait that long."
"Mmph…"
"You see, we're still what they call... newlyweds, no?" you could feel his smile grazing your skin and despite yourself, you felt really warm already down there. "Even I'm entitled to this much."
You knew this wasn't right, but—
Just for a while... won't hurt, right?
—and so you took a leapt of faith, betting on him to have locked the door.
Suddenly his head dived between your legs, placing them on his shoulders. His skillful hands moved quickly to push up your tight skirt, part your legs, and toss your underwear away.
"All of this," he cooed, his long, nimble fingers ran down your slit teasingly, and you unwittingly whined, feeling so exposed.
"For me, yeah? Just for me, hmm?"
Then, he began to pleasure you down there. He started trailing his tongue along your moist folds—causing you to let out a sinful moan. From your vantage point, you could see the greed in his bright eyes.
The space between your legs was soaked in no time and you felt your orgasm building fast. You couldn't gather your thoughts or respond coherently as you tossed your head back and writhed in pleasure when his plush lips casually nipped at your wet, delicate flesh. It was overwhelming, almost dizzying, but undeniably wonderful—
"Sa—toru!" you mewled, gripping his hair tight and pulled him even closer. In response, his lips pulled up into a tiny smirk and he lapped with even more fervor.
The way you cried his name made something dark and twisted inside Satoru twitch. You never knew but yes, there was always this darkness ingrained in him— Suguru leaving, the loneliness, the overwhelming power of his Limitless. He thanked all Gods that he had you with him to keep that part of him at bay.
Ah, but when it comes to carnal desires… that twisted side in him would be harmless now, wouldn’t it?
The next thing you knew, you reached your climax and the tension inside you finally burst. You felt your release spilling out of you and to his tongue as you turned into a puddle of broken wails and whimpers. You could only feel, feel and feel everything he brought upon you, as he sucked the living daylights out of your dripping cunt.
You could barely make out Satoru wiping the corner of his lips with that smug smirk. "You taste good as always, darling, and look at you… so, so wet. For me."
Now his beloved wife, and long before that, just you, whom he had cherished for so long. The satisfaction of bringing you to the pinnacle of pleasure was a reward in itself. Witnessing you sopping wet and blissed out like this had always been a part of his most vivid fantasies—ones he knew he could turn into reality.
"So perfect," he murmured, mostly to himself. In his eyes, you had never looked more beautiful.
You heaved, jerking your hips, feeling your sticky, hot walls squelch at nothing and wishing for something—like his fingers, at least, to stretch you out. As if he heard your silent pleas, he pushed two at once, and you were overtaken by spasms of pleasure.
"Hm? Surely this isn’t your limit." Satoru inserted a third finger, chuckling, prodding at that one certain spot there and you actually squealed, tears in your eyes at the feeling of being pushed to your limit.
You were a drenched mess as he fucked you with his fingers—and good lord, did your juices stain even the papers on his desk?
You could barely collect yourself as Satoru dirty talked you—now getting on your eye level, yet still twisting and scissoring his fingers inside you, telling you how much he adored this sight of you so vulnerable exclusively for him like this, and how hard he was getting himself.
"My pretty wife," he groaned, a wolfish grin curling on his lips and a sheen of sweat was palpable on his forehead. You shuddered from the feeling of his breath on your ear and how stimulated you were. “You sure are the prettiest when cumming, huh? Don’t you know what you do to me? Don’t you know it’s taking everything I have—” a grunt, “—not to fuck you senseless?”
You thought you couldn't take this any longer, but just as that thought crossed your mind, you went rigid as your absolute worst nightmare happened. You heard the door to the room click open, and holy hell did you see—
. . .
Megumi.
Stopping right in his tracks.
. . .
How he his eyes widened exponentially at the sight of you, whose skirt was hiked up and legs spread open in front of Satoru—
—who was bent over the desk, trapping you beneath him, his fingers plugged inside you.
. . .
And… that underwear on the floor—
. . .
. . .
The poor soul made a horrified strangled noise, and then bolted away, slamming the door so hard that it rebounded, failing to close entirely.
. . .
. . .
You wanted to die.
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Epilogue
“Tsumiki? Is… Megumi okay? Can I see him?”
“Ah… Nee-san, he’s been having high fever for days now… he’s sleeping.”
“I-is that so… how about I take him to the doctor?”
“Thank you, but… Will Gojo-sensei be there?”
“Uh…”
“I’m really sorry… but he said he didn’t want to see Gojo-sensei for a while…”
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yuureimajo · 1 year
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#tag rambling#on tonight's episode of ''learning things about my family and/or our past that i'll be processing for at least a week'':#after dinner my mom and i were talking and she was telling me that when i was around 3 we were at the mall in my hometown#and when she like let go of my hand for a second at one point to pay for our food#some guy just walked up and grabbed my hand and started walking away with me?????#she said it happened so fast like one second she was holding my hand and an instant later this guy had me across the food court#anyway she got me away from him and she said i was just kinda like *pikachu meme* (paraphrasing lmao)#so i was like ''that's honestly insane and also really weird to think that i was nearly kidnapped???''#and she goes ''well that wasn't the only time someone tried to steal you''#so she said that when i was like less than a year old before we left the island#she was looking for someone to watch me when she was working at the cafe#and she found a daycare and dropped me off one day and then when she came to pick me up#she was like ''so how'd it go'' etc and the woman who ran the daycare was like#''it went really well'' and singing baby me's praises etc#all fine but then she goes ''so tomorrow you can bring her stuff''#and mom was like ''??? what stuff??? like more diapers or???''#and the woman was like. ''no all her stuff. i'm keeping her.''#and at this point as she was telling me this story i was like ''... well maybe she meant it like a joke?''#like when you're like ''aw your puppy is sooo cute i'm gonna steal him'' to someone but you obviously don't mean it#but mom was like ''yeah no she was dead serious and she wouldn't let me take you out of her arms''#???????????#anyway mom said she eventually got me out of there#and eventually found a permanent babysitter who was really amazing#so yeah that's the latest of our insane family history lol#fucking nutjobs trying to take baby me from my mom ...#considering baby me had screaming crying holding-my-breath-til-i-turned-blue separation anxiety i think i would have made their lives hell
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