#mention of dissociation

[gummybugg]

find the word tag!

tagged by @digitalsatyr23 here! havent done this tag in a bit, but i have more writing now so its not so difficult to find new words :'D

rules: find the words in your writing and paste a sample here

my words to find: wrong, find, dream, and cloud

(Wasn't sure if this post warrents a content warning, but it does reference suicidal ideation, dissociation, and kidnapping, so be aware.)

...

WRONG

(from my dormant wip the mice come out at night - morgana's pov/diary entry)

I was supposed to have died that day, I found myself thinking. But this thought wasn't out of scorn or hatred for the times I had made since then, it was a matter of fact. I didn't get what I had been promised, yet this time I wasn't so sure what I had expected at the time. Morgana then and now were two cherries separated at the stem. Our concept of what we thought we needed mirrored, the reflection a jarring contrast. "You must have the wrong guy," I found myself saying, cutting through my rampant thoughts. I highly doubted there was anything Vincent could be capable of lying to us about. Even if he decided to tell the others and not me, I was at least 99% certain Juniper would have spilled it by now.

FIND

(from my wip crater city - melony's pov)

Darcy looked down at his hands and the tears that fell into them. "I'm crying." He said, as if baffled by the phenomenon. His voice grew more distant, attempting to fade seamlessly into the background noise. "Look what you've made me do." "Darcy..." I began. "It feels warm and achy. But something is there. It's times like these that make me feel real. Feel human." "Darcy, you are human." "At this moment, I am. In the next few seconds, I won't be anymore. I hate it when emotions fade out of existence..." He sat at my desk with his face buried in his hands. It was customary for when his "mind checked out," as he used to say. "Your emotions don't go away. They're just hiding." He looked up at me with hollow eyes and a slack jaw. But they weren’t hollow because they were empty; they were hollow because they had yet to return. "They're just playing a game of hide and seek.” He grunted in agitated confusion. I sighed, picking up where I left off in the clutter. “Right now, sadness is 'it' and it's having a hard time finding the others. Hmm, I'd wager that anger is hiding in a prickly blackberry bush. Fear isn't always smart, so it's hiding clear-as-day behind a tree. Happiness is relaxing way up high in a tree..." I stood on my toes to prop the last textbook at the top of the shelf. The ridiculous analogy made Darcy chuckle. "It seems it found laughter first," I stuck out my tongue. Darcy came over to help, except my balance was a bit off and the book may have accidentally slipped from my fingers. It knocked him on the head before hitting the floor with a deafening belly flop. Instead of complaining about his head, his eyes lingered on the fallen book for a few extra seconds.

DREAM

Uhhhh none i think

CLOUD

(from my wip crater city - blair's pov)

I slapped the dented trunk of the sedan shut. The trunk was a briefcase from the show Steal or No Steal, and I was the pretty lady in red. But the look on Elijah’s face told me he was not fully convinced that this was the deal of a lifetime. He was starting to get on my nerves. He didn't know how to appreciate an offer of such high demand. It was honestly insulting. However, my TV show escapade was short-lived once I realized that he wasn’t going to let up. He was really upset, wasn't he? I could see it in his vacant stare: his soul had left his body. He took a step back, hands hovering cluelessly at his sides. “Uh, Elijah? What’s wrong, man?” I leaned against the creaky trunk, which snapped further shut, almost forfeiting my balance. It really needed more bungee cords, come to think if it. “This…this isn’t even one of the guys that harassed me.” “Come again?” Elijah was such a joker. “Blair…” The abstraction of my friend clutched my shoulders, causing the damp fabric to press into my skin. His hollow eyes sat constricted in their sockets, white about to burst in urgency. “It’s just some guy with green hair…” “Yeah, and…?” I raised a brow. Of course, he had green hair. What was he going on about? I saw a man with the same colored hair as one of the guys Elijah described, then I…wait, where did I even find this guy? I don’t even remember his face. And it would really be embarrassing to double-check by popping open the trunk. Had I really…? I searched the swirling green clouds for an answer. Then Elijah called my name and my wandering eyes found their way back to his.

...

gently tagging @asterhaze @ditzybitzyspider @forthesanityofsome @frostedlemonwriter @new-royston-cursebreakers and anyone else

rules: find the words in your writing and paste a sample here

your words to find: pull, back, away, and whenever

...

crater city mayhem taglist (dm to be added/removed): @writeouswriter @lyra-brie @digitalsatyr23 @talesfromtheunknowable

#thanks for the tag! #writeblr #writing #crater city wip #the mice come out at night #mouse wip #blair #elijah #darcy #melony #morgana #writing tag #my writing #writers of tumblr #mention of dissociation #mention of suicidal ideation #mention of kidnapping #sorry i felt compelled to smack darcy with a book #couldn't help myself #writing game #find the word tag

[bee-dot-exe]

I also wanna mention that what Wil was saying about Ghostbur was emotional but perfect, but also how it was phrased as "one sided glass", I almost cried, because that's the perfect way to describe dissociation, he made it make sense for people who don't know

#mcyt #dsmp #wilbur soot #lore? #mention of dissociation #dissociation tw

[pulmonary-laceration]

the nature of unreality...

...and why, when under pressure, i shut down

cw: mention of abuse, dissociation, violent imagery.

psa that any abusive situations mentioned have been resolved via the legal system. i do solemnly swear that i am of no danger to myself or others and that i will seek medical attention if the above stated changes.

they call it the freeze response, and yet i have always called it weakness.

i suppose a more accurate term would be dissociation, but it is dissociation during highly stressful circumstances - a distracting of the mind when a situation proves too much.

(funny, that my first reaction is always to flee. more terrifying, when i can't.)

and yet it happens every. single. time.

well actually...that is a lie.

there has been one time where i have fought back. all sharpened fingernails and tearful yelling and past all the rage and fear and raw emotion that bites and claws at my ribs like a caged animal and the only thing i could yell through the tears was "please leave. please, please leave. i am not talking to you. please leave."

disgusting. subservient to the last. but then again, i have been bred that way.

because despite everything, my nature is to love. i accept the love and the hurt with equally open arms, with only my heart's voice to scream in pain and rage as i am dished out misfortune with a smile.

but i am getting off topic.

because i must admit that the imaginary is preferable to reality.

of course there are exceptions - good food, good company, the taste of air that blows in from the country, the feel of sunlight on skin. but exceptions are exceptions for a reason: that percentage wise, they are not the majority.

because for the rest of the time, the rest of the time that my eyes are open and i sit, or stand, or walk, aware of my thoughts and my surroundings, i am bombarded by the constant message of "not good enough." and i know, i know that i really do. that despite what efforts i make it will never be good enough - for society, for my parents, for myself. but i choose to ignore that, and continue to try.

there are just days when it's harder, you know?

and those days are when i am set upon and my air tears itself through my lungs. when my bones ache with the weight of existence. where even the touch of the softest clothes feels like needles stabbed into skin.

or the days when my thoughts consume me slowly, so slowly, and eat me up from the inside. gnawing at my brain stem, circling lovingly around my frontal lobe, chewing daintily at my hippocampus.

and so i escape. there are so many ways to do so, and i am glad that i happened to choose some of the less harmful versions - both to myself and others.

stories.

constantly.

every waking moment there lives another world in my brain.

and there, finally, i feel alive.

now of course i am shamed for it, when my parent and i are too angry, too tired at the world and at each other for things like politeness and the respecting of one's interests. "are you working on those stories again? ignoring your chores? leaving me to do all the work?" and god - oh god it is unintentional, my hurting and callous ignorance of those close to me. i do not see it until they shove it in my face.

that is the price i pay for my stories. that is the price they pay for having me.

i just wish that the cost wasn't so high for the both of us.

but my stories keep me sane, just like their work does for them. and we love and hate the stories, and we love and hate the work to be done. but we do not love and hate each other - there is only love, sometimes given grudgingly, sometimes wholeheartedly - but love and the stories are my only constants in my life.

both reassurance.

both escapes.

and in both i can find solace from reality - from the invisible hands that scrabble at my midriff, clench around my shoulders, trace over my throat - and i can breathe, at least for a moment.

#vent post #read the tags #mention of abuse #mention of dissociation #use of violent imagry

[minty364]

DPXDC Prompt #108 Part 1

He remembered going to bed in his own bed last night. His own bed in his own room. This wasn’t his room, his bed, or even his pajamas. The body he was in didn’t feel quite right either, almost like it somehow knew he wasn’t supposed to be in it. Part of him wondered if he was dreaming but he was way too self aware for this to be a dream. 

This room didn’t look like any of his brother's rooms either. It had a bunch of space themed trinkets, glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, and NASA posters on the walls. None of his brothers were into space as far as he knew so this had to be a strangers room. He wondered for a moment if he was kidnapped or something, but that didn’t sound quite right either. He was in a stranger's body so he must be in this person’s room. He had to figure out exactly what was going on. 

Just as he was considering his options the phone by the table side started ringing. Damian didn’t really know where the tune came from but it sounded catchy. He looked at the caller ID and while the phone didn’t recognize the number Damian did. It was his own, hopefully he’d be able to get some answers. 

“Hello?” He answered.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about all of this. My parents are inventors and one of their inventions backfired big time. I’m Danny” The voice on the other line was his own, a little jarring sure but it to be expected, if he was in someone’s body there was a good chance they were in his body. “My name’s Damian, Inventions? This is quite the backfire. I hope you have a plan to switch us back.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ve got a couple friends looking into it, they’ll be on their way in a bit to help with all of this.” 

Damian was starting to get irritated a little at how this was going. Bringing outside ‘help’ into the situation just seemed more like a distraction from whatever ‘Danny’ had planned for Gotham.

“Right, Damian, so right now you're in my body and I’m in your’s… so, my parents' invention was only supposed to strengthen the soulmate pull, but because of my weird biology. We switched bodies instead.” Damian didn’t have word’s, the whole story sounded ludicrous. But at the same time, Damian couldn’t help but believe it was true.

The weird things about the body he was in, helped convince him and then, suddenly a thought occurred to him. Hesitantly he lifted his other hand up to his neck to check his pulse.

It was unusually slow, “Why’s your pulse so slow?” he couldn’t help but ask. He didn’t want to admit it but he was starting to freak out a little. 

“Like I said, I’ve got weird biology. I’ll explain, but it isn’t a pretty story. I don’t really want to explain all of this but since you're in my body, you need to know so you can keep my parents from finding out. Deal?”

Having weird biology still didn’t quite explain things but hopefully a few things didn’t quite make sense, “You said your parent’s were researching soulmates? Why.”

“Alright, I’ll give you this one but seriously you’ve got to promise to keep my parent’s from finding out about things. They were a little upset that I haven’t found mine yet, my sister found hers so they were excited for me to find mine. Long story short, bad things tend to happen when my parents get excited.”

So from the sound of things Danny thought they were soulmates. That might have been true but there wasn’t a good way for them to prove anything at the moment. For now it would probably be better to go along with Danny’s plan. He didn’t like it but he could probably get a lot of information out of Danny’s friends if he played along. “Alright I agree to not intentionally reveal anything to your parents.”

“Work’s for me. What do you know about ghosts?”

#dp x dc prompt #dc x dp #dp x dc #danny fenton #danny phantom #Damian wakes up in Danny’s body #soulmates au #danny and Damian are soulmates #I dissociated hard writing this #Slight dissociation mention #Dissociation warning #I dissociate when I look at myself in the mirror #all my prompts are free to use #my asks are open

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

It’s turning out to be a bad day when Jason finds himself stabbed during a drug bust.

It’s turning out to be a very bad day when he starts to feel woozy (seriously, what the hell? It was just a little stabbing) and promptly collapses.

It’s turning out to be a monumentally bad day when the batfamily drop in on his drug bust.

And then the night takes a hard nose dive into catastrophically bad, because whatever toxin that blade was laced with? It’s making his heartbeat slow down into near flatline, paralyzing Jason in the process.

And now he’s stuck listening to his family lose it completely upon finding his “dead” body.

… shit.

#don’t you just love it when your family thinks you’re dead again #but hey at least Jason finds out that they absolutely DO care about him #Damian needs to be sedated because he was about to murder every single person in that warehouse #oh yeah did I mention it’s a warehouse again #lmao #Nightwing just—- zones out. crashes. dissociates. #Tim is trying for frantic cpr #(ouch ouch OUCH replacement) #Bruce can’t do this again #please he CAN’Y #he couldn’t have been too late again oh god #Jason would be crying if he wasn’t paralyzed #that raw grief is contagious #presumed dead #prompts #yeah I know it’s similar to a previous prompt #VUT I NEED MORE PRESUMED DEAD FICS OK #jason todd #batfamily #dick grayson #batfam #bruce wayne #robin #red hood #tim drake #batman

[theresidentfullmoon]

POV: You're a system.

#tw murder mention #tw murder #actually did #did osdd #did system #did #hc did system #hc did #highly complex dissociative identity disorder #highly complex did #did memes #system memes #nimona #nimona movie #simply plural #fictives #fictive heavy system #fictive heavy #fictive #introject

[system404singletnotfound]

Please tell me we’re not the only system who deals with this ;-;

-Miley

#did #system #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #did system #dissociative system #actually did #actually traumagenic #meme #memes #food mention #did memes #endos dni #system memes #system experiences

[reclaimingsomethings]

Trans Ramcoa

I dont want to make this a habit however, when looking for terms to reclaim, I came across a post that made me recoil in disgust. @ cincinique made a post defending the not reclaimed term Trans Ramcoa and I would like to bring this to people attention so they can block the people interacting with this post and defending this term. I would like this to be perfectly clear, if you use the term Trans-Ramcoa or similar Trans-id terms, you are:

Defending Child pornography

Romanticizing Child Prostitution

Romanticizing the torture of Children

Defending Child rapists

YOU. ARE. BORDERLINE. PEDOPHILIC.

Not in a million years will these people understand what we went through as a child, all the abuse and torture we experienced at the hands of the people who were supposed to love us. To call this a kink, to say its just you being "kinky" is you getting off to the idea of child torture. You calling this a kink is you pushing people into dangerous situations were they will be abused and tortured. What you post matters. What you do matters. Do not make your legacy online supporting child rape and child torture.

#transid #transabled #pro transid #anti transid #traumagenic #did system #ramcoa #tw ramcoa #mogai coining #actually dissociative #tbmc #hc did #dissociative disorder #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw sa mention #tw abuse mention

[lostcitysystem]

My heart goes out to other systems who have to spend the holidays with their abusers.

You will be free from them some day.

You are not to blame for their actions.

You are doing your best.

You are loved.

#osdd 1b #osdd #osdd system #osddid #did #did system #actually did #actually dissociative #dissociative identity disorder #tw abuse mention #abuse mention tw #abuse mention

[sophieinwonderland]

r/systemscringe is now complaining about people with DID experiencing -checks notes- amnesia and dissociation!

Gee... I wonder...

Oh, right! It's that incredibly basic part of the criteria that everyone who has done even 2 seconds of research into DID knows about!

Grace... why are you obsessed with this couch and controller metaphor? This is like the third time I've seen this very specific example from you and it's kind of weird you keep bringing it up.

That aside, the thing you're complaining about here... is dissociation... you're upset someone with a dissociative disorder feels dissociated from their body.

These are some of the most ignorant and ableist takes I've seen from r/systemscringe, and that's saying a lot!

#(Do I even need mention the ableism of calling a community of mentally ill people crazy?) #syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #dissociation #sysblr #multiplicity #sanism #mental illness #dissociative amnesia #amnesia #mental disorders #ableism #ableists #systemscringe #r/systemscringe #hate group #hate groups

[pluralcultureis]

Plural Culture (traumatized in general) is never knowing how to properly add trigger warnings because you've become so desensitized to everything that you don't know what's seen as needed, or what's doing too much

And half the time you don't even know how to tag it any way because "can I just put general tw? Do I need to specify which type of abuse is occuring? Is what's being said even clear/graphic/whatever enough for people to realize unless I add the tw? Would adding the tw make it worse??"

And then regardless of all that you still end up posting something that's apparently massively triggering, with no warning, because you thought it was just normal life stuff and then you feel bad about it but all you can actually do is just add the needed tws and apologize

*this is not an apology post, apologies from us will be much more clear if they're needed, this has not happened recently, but it's something that's been on our mind a lot

#endos dni #osdd #pdid #did #did system #pdid system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic #actually dissociative #plural culture is #tw abuse mention #cw abuse mention

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

DAVE: do you think the army men in toy story came like preprogrammed with horrible memories of a war they never really fought in or did andys play create those memories

DAVE: like do they come out of the bucket quietly rocking muttering about hill 40 or did andy force them to kill

JOHN: …….gonna be thinking about that one. :(

#submission #homestuck #incorrect homestuck quotes #dave strider #john egbert #mod terezi #i would say they weren't aware or had any imprinted history #mostly because from what we can tell none of the toys up until buzz lightyear had this crisis of identity #maybe they did but it we didn't see any of it and none of it is ever mentioned #and every buzz lightyear toy we see is affected by this dissociative state upon first awakening #but we also see zurg affected by this who-though he is not buzz- is of a similar make and quality #so my theory is that simpler toys with less complex internals and “programming” are not prone to this #but ones who do have internal hardware are the ones who are swayed by it most easily

[nottheobserver]

Shoutout to systems who don't want to be themself online for oddly specific reasons. Reasons like; You're not diagnosed. You think your fictives are from 'cringy' sources. You often fakeclaim yourself. And all of the other reasons, even if you're just nervous. even if you don't say the stuff you wanna say on platforms, or you wanna hide your identity from everyone. YOU'RE VALID !!!

#did #did system #dissociative identity disorder #endo safe #system #system did #system stuff #system shoutout #plural #plurality #all systems welcome #system validation #tw fakeclaim mention #fakeclaim mention #cw fakeclaim mention

[mothingness]

I am a crow and I am a moth and I am a cat and a ghost and something else entirely I do not exist yet and I never will and I am everywhere always. if anyone even cares

#text post #cats #cat mention #silly little brain deluding myself into believing I am not human #not in a dissociative way or a therian way #but like a child running through a park blissfully ignorant of people staring kinda way #I #do not like this whole 'person' thing going on #why can't I be a bug #a cool bug #ghostcore #cryptidcore

[polyfragcultureis]

i hope all polyfrag system who are RAMCOA survivors and all polyfrag systems who aren't RAMCOA survivors and polyfrag systems who aren't sure wether or not they're RAMCOA survivors have a good day and know they're all equally as valid

#not culture #c did #cdd #cdid #complex dissociative disorder #complex dissociative identity disorder #did #dissociative identity disorder #polyfrag #polyfrag system #polyfragmented #polyfragmented system #polyfragmented did #osdd did #osddid #did osdd #ramcoa mention #❓

[moldybits]

notes: symptoms in this poll are defined as ptsd/trauma symptoms (dissociation, amnesia, hyperarousal, etc)

this is an inclusive poll for any type of system/system origin. but it’s specifically how weed affects systems with trauma. this is not syscourse and i want nothing to do with it!

reblogs are encouraged for sample size

i’m convinced that all the progress we’ve made since december has to do with THC and our endocannabinoid system and i’m curious if other people benefit the way we have.

#may do another poll if i get any interesting results from this #i’ve been fascinated with THC and how it impacts mental health #cuz it’s normally associated with making it worse #but it’s literally saved my life #curious to see if having DID is what allows me to benefit more #but yeah no syscourse you’ll be blocked on sight #pluralgang #plurality #multiplicity #systems #did #osdd #actually dissociative #actually plural #polls #tw drug mention #plural polls