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lovetenya · 4 years

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✧ 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐲𝐚 𝐢𝐢𝐝𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐜𝐬 (𝟏)

pairing: tenya iida x gn! reader

warnings: none

Dating Tenya Iida would include...

SO many study-turned-dinner dates

- bc he gets so intensely focused that he loses track of time and he absolutely cannot bring you home/back to your dorm hungry bc that would be (as kirishima would say) very unmanly of him as your boyfriend

- he’s polite ok he’s gonna make sure you’re fed well with WHATEVER you want bc he’s not picky. he can find something to eat anywhere you choose and will happy eat wherever as long as you’re happy!!

you two tried to study together in the common room once, but izuku and ochaco joined and tenya was Not Happy About It

- of course he’s gonna help them study, but he really wanted it to be just the two of you cuz you don’t get nearly enough time together

- every moment is precious to him (& you)

so next time you study together, you’re across the dark wood table from each other in a library he thought you’d like (he found it online beforehand to make sure it’d be perfect)

- it had nice cozy lighting and not a lot of people around so it IS perfect

- you would definitely have to stop him from shushing people

- “y/n. i’ve had enough.”

- “what? what’s wrong, tenya?”

- “those girls won’t stop talking and i can’t focus!”

- “ten i’m sure they’ll stop soon”

- “i’m going to say something if they don’t lower their voices.”

- “ooookay class rep calllllm down”

- and you’ll have to stop him from organizing the books

- and from checking out more books than his backpack can fit

we all know tenya doesn’t really do PDA, that’s a given

- he just wants to hold your hand SO BADLY but he thinks it’s not appropriate for him to do that in public 😔

- so he settles for glancing every once in a while at you, hands scribbling away at your notes and drawing complicated but neat diagrams

- he tries to stay focused, but the view of you is much better than his textbook

BUT!!!

- he would hold your hand while you’re walking from place to place

- even if it’s just from the library to the coffee shop down the street, expect him to offer his hand every single time

- you’d better take it every single time or i might have to intervene 😡

- he’d squeeze your hand every once in a while just to remind you that he’s there

he’s always there for you, on good days and bad days

- he’ll give you a thumbs up and a big smile from across the room when your essay gets chosen as the class model

- he has no reason to get jealous when you get a better grade than him, you both work hard and sometimes you get different results and that’s okay

- on your bad days, he’ll rub your back, quietly soothing you while you cry into his chest

- he reminds you that you’re not weak for feeling like this

- he’s honored that you trust him enough to come to him with your deepest feelings

- or he’ll let you yell it out when you’re angry and make sure you don’t do anything destructive

- if you need space, he’ll sit with you (but not touching you) on the floor and patiently wait for you to be ready to talk

- he doesn’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone

- he really listens and really cares when you tell him why you’re upset

- whether it’s something going on at home or you got a bad grade on something you worked hard on, he’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel better

- lots of pep talks (we could all use one sometimes)

- hugging you until your cries turn into sniffles, then making you laugh by asking if you want to hear about the report he’s doing to get your mind off of it

-please let him nerd ramble oh my god

- “i completely disproved my own theory! i had no idea that the results would show that the species actually grows in an EXPONENTIAL way!! isn’t that magnificent?! i can’t wait to show the teacher!”

- even if you’re upset with him, he’s completely willing to admit that he was wrong.

- he knows he has shortcomings (just like everyone else) and he just wants to be the best man he can be for you.

- he’s silently nodding along, not wanting to miss any detail on how he can improve and be more considerate of your emotions

- i make it seem like he’s a doormat and a pushover of a boyfriend, but he’d be just as willing to let you know when he wants to spend more time with you or when he wants more affection

- it’d be so hard for him to admit that if he didn’t trust you wholeheartedly. please be tender with him.

- “love, are you upset with me?”

- “no, why? did i do something to make you think that?”

- “well, you haven’t hugged me since before school two days ago, and i was wondering if you’re not hugging me because you’re unhappy with me.”

- “ten oh my gosh i’m so sorry!!! c’mere i’ll hug you right now bub”

- tenya be like: happy noises :,>

- he just loves to have you in his arms

- LET HIM HAVE HIS MOMENT

if you like coffee, don’t worry about telling him how you like it bc he already has it memorized

- he’ll randomly bring you a mug full when he knows you’re studying up a storm and it’s exactly how you like it

if you like tea, he’d have several kinds saved for you in his dorm so nobody else could steal it from you

- don’t ask him where he got it or what brand it is bc it’s expensive and he doesn’t want you to know he’s spending that much on tea for you (he’d pay an ungodly amount if it meant you were happy)

- “what kind of tea is this?? it’s so good”

- “i’m glad you like it, y/n! i got it for you yesterday afternoon when i was out”

- “ you didn’t answer my question... was it expensive or something?”

- “it doesn’t matter. money can be earned again, but your happiness is essential.”

- “tenya you sound like an advertisement”

- “i do not!!!”

he’d also get you a mug with your name on it and insist you use it instead of any other cup

- he loves practical gifts, what can i say

- use the mug or expect a Pout from your bf

- he’d catch kaminari eating soup out of it late one night and nearly blow a fuse

last time i was serious when i said that tenya deserves more love, but I’M REALLY SERIOUS NOW

if you don’t love him unconditionally, i will 💘🤬🖤💓🤬🖤💗🤬🖤💕🤬🖤💞🤬🖤💘🤬🖤💞🤬🖤💖

love, tj 🖤🖤🖤

MASTERLIST

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cescapist · 2 years

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PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m at all rude. That is, I can skimp on etiquette, but I do not go out of my way to offend people, certainly not those I have just met. As time goes on, should we get closer… I believe words such as ‘touchy-feely’, ‘annoying’, ‘familiar’, and ‘ridiculous’ have been used to describe me by friends. And I do mean by friends! Please do not take such words as insults. I certainly didn’t.”

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

“Another hard question, I see… well, I believe Leah must be placed in that position. One cannot share the womb with another without that person being a part of you. I’m not as in-the-know as my brothers or father on this, but I feel as if a connection must have been formed between us right from the beginning. As if… as if when we were growing, I placed my heart into her chest and she placed hers into mine, and that connection is now unbreakable. There is her in me and vice-versa… Christ, I feel she would word this far more elegantly than I, and with far less babbling. I took all the words, and she got all the brains.”

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

“Oh… how to decide? Within my own family every member is so very admirable. And then, of friends- well, look how well Va- Reverend Valentine has done, and Lord Alastair in the army. And then there are the St. Maurs, who are always- well, they are surely beyond reproach. And uh, well I respect Fairford’s staff, as well. My dear friend the Groom has such a way with animals and he does quite back breaking work without nary a single complaint. Not real ones, anyway. But um… as far as the most…”

“Zachariah. Yes, Zachariah, for I saw how hard he worked - and works to this day - with my own eyes. And, yes, I just feel he is also an incredibly respectful character. Kind, but not spineless. He has good morals. Yes, yes… Zachariah. It must be.”

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

“Aside from my siblings, who I consider friends as much as family, there is our Groom, and there is also Reverend Valentin Talbot - we are old friends, recently reconnected. I would also consider Lady Dinah St. Maur as a friend, whether or not that may be considered forward of me. I don’t think she would consider it overly forward, but others… well. And um, if I might be a little whimsical I reckon my horse Clever is a friend, and indeed all the creatures within the lands of St. Maur. As for a best friend... I would say apart from my siblings that our Groom has known me longest, but Valentin knew me best. As for descriptions... I feel I couldn’t do them justice.”

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

“Oh, no, no… No.”

“No.”

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

“Um… No? I mean, certainly not as others describe. I’ve- I’ve never had that inability to stop thinking of a woman or anything of the like. Little fancies, I’ve surely had - what man has not? But I’ve not been in love. Yet.”

What do you look for in a potential lover?

“... I think…”

“Humour, obviously. Intelligence - wit, more. Someone who looks at me and does not see… the worst. Um, gosh, this is another hard one, isn’t it? I suppose I care for looks, as all do. I… Hm.”

“...”

“Good morals, and kindness. A friend, really. A friend, who I wish to be more. Does that answer the question?”

How close are you to your family?

“Awfully. Oh, dreadfully. Dreadfully close. I joke, of course, but we are very close. I like it that way.”

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

“I have not, no lover or spouse yet, remember? Ah but uh… should I have the chance I would like to. Have a couple of little Ebenezers out in the world. I think it would be awful fun. But also, I think it would be good to continue the family line. Doesn’t everyone feel that way?”

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

“Oh, Leah, Zachariah, Samuel, Sissy -though right now I would not wish to trouble her. Then the Groom, if it was a problem with an animal, but of course. Valentin - sorry, Reverend Valentin - he could, if nothing else, help me ease any burden upon my soul. It depends on the help really. Family for medical matters, of course. But should I greatly need a loan or something… Oh, I don’t know.”

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

“Hmm, I know Zachariah would protect me. He has in the past, you know. Took a good spanking once or twice on my behalf. But if you’re speaking in more general terms then one must go for Lord Alastair - he’s a military man, you know? He could certainly give any attacker what for, or otherwise scare them away. Though he might scare me, also.”

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

“What an ominous thing to ask! I say, it’s a good job I am not the suspicious type, isn’t it? Well my family and friends would, of course! I dare say my brother’s valet would not, I think I annoy him overmuch. Clever would certainly miss me, I spoil her after all. Yes, all the important people.”

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

“I don’t despise anyone, me.”

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

“Conflict for conflict’s sake is a waste of time that could be spent being happy. Besides, I am most usually in the wrong.”

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

“No! Well, actually… Actually I did as a child. I’d round up Val- sorry, again, Reverend Valentin - and lead the charge in play. With Leah I’m definitely the one who pushes forwards. And Samuel. But I’m no leader, mind! I’m just… loud.”

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

“If they are all jolly good sports then why not? I shan’t be nervous, not unless the group is some sort of medical conference of sorts. Others are better suited to that sort of mingling.”

Do you care what others think of you?

“Yes. Yes, I think we all do, don’t we? It’s why we dress in nice clothes and why we don’t - oh, I don’t know, piss in the street as dogs do. But, yes, of course I care. I… I care awfully.”

#;;task #;;about #stmdevelopment #he's stupid ur honour #to add author's notes: he knows love better than he realises

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just-a-poor-boy-queen · 3 years

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Part 17 of Jimercury Kid series

Freddie had known this wouldn’t be easy.

These were his parents after all. They weren’t bad people; model citizens in fact, far more decent than half the folk on the street who had lived in England their entire lives. But they were products of their time; stubbornly devoted to a religion that demonised their only son’s very existence. They loved him; he knew that – what was the saying? Love the sinner but not the sin?

They loved Khaleel too, despite their reservations about the adoption. Freddie couldn’t help but smile as he watched the little boy chattering away to Jer, his little hands balled in the quilt that his grandmother was in the process of making him. She had been working on it for months; it was a beautiful shade of baby blue, embroidered with flora and tiny little birds. Every time they visited, Khaleel would excitedly watch her sew, asking every five seconds when it would be finished so he could take it home. Bomi, though far more reserved than his wife, would prop the boy on his knee and show him old photographs of his Baba when he was a child, and listen to his grandson natter away about what he had gotten up to at school that day. As far as grandparents went, they were exemplary.

But he knew it wasn’t the same. There would always be that underlying fact that Khaleel was the child of same-sex parents, a union that neither Bomi nor Jer saw as valid. They knew about Freddie and Jim – they had known from the moment they met the Irishman, call it parent’s intuition – but while they liked Jim, they would never truly see him as Freddie’s husband, or their relationship as anything but sinful. Hoping that they would ever understand was wishful thinking on Freddie’s part.

‘Have you thought any more about what we said?’

The frontman resisted the urge to roll his eyes as his father cornered him in the kitchen, having lured him in there with the excuse of putting the kettle on. ‘Not now, Papa.’

‘You’re going to have to come to a decision eventually.’ Bomi insisted. ‘The boy needs a mother.’

‘He doesn’t “need” anything.’ Freddie snapped back; eyes still focused on the stove as he willed the kettle to boil faster. ‘Khaleel is perfectly happy just the way he is. With his fathers.’

‘Stop being so stubborn. You’re putting your own selfish desires before your child. We’re only thinking of what’s best for Khaleel-’

‘No.’ Freddie whipped round, sizing up the old man like an angry dog, though being mindful to keep his voice down. ‘You’re not doing this for Khaleel. You’re doing it for yourself, to make you feel better. You’d rather I marry a woman and spend my entire life living a lie than face up to the fact that your son is a queer-’

Bomi slapped him. It wasn’t hard (at least not as hard as Bill Reid used to swing) but it took Freddie by surprise and jerked his head to the side, a small pink mark appearing on his cheek that he quickly covered with his hand. Tears filled his eyes, but he forced them back.

‘Don’t you dare use such language in this house.’ Bomi growled, voice dangerously low, finger pointed threateningly at his son’s face. ‘Your mother and I have spent years trying to overlook your behaviour, turning a blind eye to all the rumours and gossip. And this is how you repay us. You had everything going for you, a beautiful woman you could have made your wife, and you threw it all away for-’

‘For what?’ Freddie interrupted, taking his hand away from his face so he could ball it into a fist. ‘For a man who I love to every corner of the Earth? Who’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life? Forgive me for refusing to live by your standards, Papa. Forgive me for being myself.’ A single tear fell from his eye, rolling to his jaw. ‘I love Jim. I will always love Jim, Papa. And if you can’t accept that, then you’ll have to get used to not being part of Khaleel’s life.’

He made a move for the kitchen door, but Bomi grabbed his arm.

‘You will not take my grandson away from me.’

Freddie scoffed, though it was far from humorous. He leaned close to his father until their noses were almost touching. ‘Watch me.’

He tore his arm from Bomi’s grip and threw the door open, being mindful to calm himself down and wipe away his tears as he entered the living room to where Khaleel was sitting with Jer.

‘Come on, darling.’ He said, avoiding his mother’s eyes as he leaned down and took the boy’s hand. ‘Terry’s waiting for us outside.’

‘But Dādī hasn’t finished my blanket.’ Khaleel whined, pulling away in an effort to get back to his grandmother.

‘Now, Khaleel.’ Freddie said firmly, giving his son a look that wasn’t to be argued with. ‘Uncle Phoebe will have your lunch ready soon.’

The child pouted but didn’t protest any further.

‘Don’t forget these.’ Jer set down her knitting needles and picked up the little box of cheese biscuits sitting on the coffee table, handing them to Freddie. ‘You’ll be back next weekend?’

Freddie felt his mouth go dry. He could see his father standing in the kitchen doorway in the corner of his eye, but he refused to look at him.

‘Goodbye, Mama.’ He replied, avoiding her question, and leaned down to kiss her cheek. ‘Say goodbye to Dādī and Dādā, Khaleel.’

It was all he could do to keep himself from bawling like a baby as Khaleel scampered over to kiss his grandmother on the cheek and waved his tiny hand at Bomi before allowing his Baba to tug him out the door.

It was only when they had arrived back at Garden Lodge and Khaleel had been herded into the dining room by Phoebe to have his lunch, that Freddie went into the garden to where Jim was pruning the roses, threw his arms around his husband and sobbed into the crook of his neck.

Oof, yeah this is angsty. I just answered an ask about Freddie's parents, and what I wrote in it coincides with your characterisation, even though this is a fictional setting.

I feel like there could've been two scenarios: One where they accepted and loved their grandchild but did not approve of how he was being raised, as you wrote here beautifully. In the second scenario, it's possible that they didn't accept the child (but were warm towards him because it is a child), since it represents what they don't approve. What I mean to say is that throughout Freddie's life he hid his sexuality from his parents even though they were aware of it. He was never blatant about it, never flaunted it in front of them, at least after he got famous. But here, he is openly raising a child with another man. This is a change in situation that may not have been received well by his parents.

But of course, the first one is as likely as the second, because this is fiction, and we can never know how someone would've reacted to something that never happened. And as I said, you've explored this subject beautifully in this fic.

Jer and Bomi were products of their time, and for them a family constituted of a mother, a father and children. Anything in exception to this is still considered wrong (for example, last year the indian government challenged the petition of a few same-sex couples in the supreme court who wanted marriage equality. The reason which they gave was that indian traditional values define a family as a biological mother, biological father and their children. Anything in violation of this structure cannot have a place in this country. This happened in 2020. Imagine it being a lot worse a century ago when Bomi and Jer were growing up in this country).

Gosh, I went off topic here, haha. But this provides a bit of context to their thinking, and the fact that they probably never accepted their son, not in his life and not after his death.

I loved this part, anon. You truly have a gift of conveying every type of emotion—anger, sadness, happiness, love. You're simply amazing💙

(More drabbles by writer anon)

#ask response #jim hutton #freddie mercury #freddie and jim and their baby #anon writing

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teenwolffanclub-me · 4 years

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Season 1, Episode 6: Heart Monitor

Hey there beautiful reader! If you’re new here, this is a series I’m writing where each chapter is an episode from the first season of Teen Wolf. If you’ve been here before, hey! I missed you! Previous and future chapters are linked at the end of each part if you want to catch up.

Pairing: Stiles x Psychic! Reader (eventually)

P.S. Scott and Stiles are back to being terrible at keeping secrets, Jackson is en route to creepyville, and Derek is super duper probably dead.

-----------------

“A spiral.” I said slowly, to make sure we were on the same page.

Scott nodded frantically, his fists tightening around the straps of his bookbag. “I-I thought it was Derek, but it wasn’t.”

He’d practically bolted toward me the second I walked into the school this morning. After yanking me away from Allison, who was very confused might I add, he proceeded to tell me about the events of last night.

“Then who was it?” I asked, even though I could've guessed the answer.

He leaned toward me and looked around before whispering harshly. “The alpha. It had to be him. But why didn't he kill me?”

“Wait. He?” I stopped walking. “Do you have any suspects?”

“No. No, I’m just saying...” I quirked an eyebrow at him and he rolled his eyes with a sigh. “He or she didn't kill me. Which is weird, right?”

“I guess.” I shrugged, continuing down the hall at his side. I honestly had no idea what the alpha’s deal was. It had killed before, almost randomly, and according to Derek it was after Scott. So maybe it was weird that he was still alive, or maybe it wasn't. “You’re apart of it’s pack, right? So maybe it wants to kidnap you, not kill you.”

“That’s reassuring.” He huffed and returned his attention to the hallway in front of us.

Stiles turned a corner a few feet away, his gaze trained straight ahead. Scott’s face lit up in recognition, a relived smile pulling at his lips. “Stiles, dude. You didn’t answer any of my texts. You have to hear...”

His greeting trailed off when Stiles continued walking past us as if we didn't even exist. I winced, watching as Scott turned on his heel to follow him. I had no choice but to join in, because I’m nosy.

“Stiles. Come on!”

He kept his face blank, aside from his lips which twisted into an annoyed frown.

“You can’t ignore me forever.” Scott tried again, his voice growing desperate.

Stiles hadn't spoken to him since the parking lot incident two days ago. He was beyond angry with him for disappearing with Allison for a full day, plus having his phone off. I kind of understood both sides. Scott just wanted a normal day with his girlfriend, on her birthday no less. And Stiles is a spaz who freaks out if his friends can’t be reached in a timely fashion.

Not to mention, his dad had somehow been hit by a car in the middle of the shitstorm at the school, and he was worried about him. There were a lot of dangerous things going on right now, so it honestly wasn't ideal for any of us to be M.I.A.

“Can you at least tell me if your dad’s okay? I mean, it’s just a bruise, right? Some soft tissue damage? Nothing that big.” Scott prodded, only making the situation worse.

Stiles’ nostrils flared as he dragged his tongue along the inside of his cheek in frustration.

“You know I feel really bad about it, right?” His eyes twitched, but he otherwise showed no reaction. “Okay. What if I told you I was trying to figure this whole thing out? And...and that I went to Derek for help.”

My head whipped in his direction. That was news to me. Did he just conveniently leave that part of the story out? He avoided my gaze with a sigh.

“If I was talking to you.” Stiles spoke up suddenly, surprising us both. “I would tell you that you’re an idiot for trusting him. But obviously, I’m not talking to you.”

“I second that.” I added with a raise of my hand.

Derek was just straight up bad news. He may know more about being a werewolf than Scott, but that didn’t mean he was trustworthy. A few tense beats of silence passed between the three of us. I watched as Stiles had an internal battle with himself. His lips rolled inward and his head tilted to the side, his eyes pinching shut for a brief moment. I knew he was about to crack. He turned to Scott with a jerk, practically causing a traffic jam in the hallway.

“What did he say?” He sighed, seemingly disappointed with himself for giving in.

Scott smiled gratefully. “He said I could learn to shift by tapping into a primal animal rage.”

“Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but every time you do that you try to kill someone. And that someone’s usually me.” Stiles started talking with his hands like he usually does, a good sign that he was back to normal.

“Wait. What?” I looked at the two of them with wide eyes. How did I know nothing about this? They shared a secretive glance before Scott sighed, his shoulders hunching in defeat.

“I kinda lose it when there’s a full moon. I’ve only been through one before and it wasn’t pretty. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Derek said he won’t help me unless I stay away from Allison.”

My brows furrowed in question. What does she have to do with any of this?

“Because of her family?” Stiles asked, coming to a more logical conclusion than me.

“No,” Scott shook his head, looking troubled. “He said that she's a distraction. She makes me weak.”

“You know, the whole women make you weak thing is a little too spartan warrior for me.” Stiles rolled his eyes with a huff. I couldn't agree more. That was one of the biggest copouts I’d ever heard. “It’s probably just part of the learning process.”

Just then, the warning bell rang through the halls. We all went our separate ways, and I made a mental note to confront them about their habit of keeping secrets the next time I saw them.

----------------

I walked through the halls, glancing between my phone and the floor in front of me. I was supposed to meet up with Allison and Lydia in the library during our free period to study. I was waiting for them to tell me they were ready. I sent them another text in our group chat and decided to just head in that direction without them. They could catch up.

I narrowly missed running into someone, but looked up just in time to stop before faceplanting into their broad chest. It was Jackson, looking sick as ever. His green eyes were bloodshot, as if he hadn’t slept in days, and he was covered in a thin layer of sweat. I took a tentative step back to put some distance between us.

After a few long moments of him awkwardly staring at me, I cleared my throat. “Hey Jackson. You have a free period?”

“No,” He chuckled, although it didn't reach his eyes. “I just don't like sitting through chem.”

“Understandable.” I sent him a small smile and, when he didn't respond, sidestepped him to continue on my way.

The few other people in the hall had wandered off by now, leaving us alone. He moved in front of me, blocking my way, and once again only stared. There was something weird swirling in his eyes. I couldn't quite place it. It was like he wasn't completely himself. Maybe he had a fever, sometimes that can cause mood changes.

“Did you...need something?” I asked slowly, beginning to get a little creeped out.

“Actually, yeah. I wanted to talk.” I glanced away from him, the intensity of his gaze making me uncomfortable. “I realized that I've been a jerk to you. And Scott, especially. I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

My eyebrows rose in surprise, and he huffed out a laugh. “I’m being serious.”

“Okay...” I really didn't know what to say. He had been a huge jerk since the day I met him. But that was just Jackson. That’s how he was. Why he had the sudden urge to apologize to me, I had no idea.

“Do you know what it’s like to be the best player on the team? To be the star, to have every single person at the game chanting your name? And then some kid just comes along, and everyone starts looking at him instead of you. Do you know what that feels like?”

I just blinked for a long moment, surprised by his sudden outburst. It was obvious that he was talking about Scott. He’d recently been named co-captain along with Jackson, effectively knocking him down a peg. The distaste he had for Scott wasn't subtle, but he’d never seemed remorseful about it until now.

“No, I don't.” I admitted, not sure what else to say.

“Well, it feels like something's been stolen from you. And then you start to feel like you’d do anything, anything in the world...” His eyes slowly trailed over my face as he spoke, and I shifted away a few inches. He was seriously being weird. “To get it back.”

“Haven’t you ever heard the saying there’s no I in team?” I quipped, trying to lighten the mood. I took a miniscule step away from him, hoping he wouldn't notice. He’d gotten way too close to me during that monologue.

“But there is a me.” He barked, and my shoulders immediately stiffened. Then, he laughed. But it didn't exactly sound genuine. “That was a joke.”

I forced a chuckle, just wanting this weird conversation to be over.

“Gosh,” One of his hands came up to rub at the back of his neck. “You must really hate me.”

“I don’t.” I reassured slowly. It was the truth. I may not particularly like the guy, but he was dating one of my best friends. He was mostly harmless and I could put up with him when I had to.

“You sure? Because I’m not a bad guy.” His eyes danced around my face as he spoke, and he’d somehow gotten way too close again. “I mean, yeah. I make stupid mistakes. A lot. But I’m not bad.”

My lips twitched into what I hoped looked more like a smile than a grimace. I glanced down at my phone, praying that one of the girls would text me so I had an excuse to walk away.

“I really like you.” He said suddenly, and my eyes snapped back up to his. My breath caught in my throat. He likes me? He cannot like me. He’s dating Lydia. And I have...okay, no. I don't have anyone. But he still can’t like me. That is so many types of wrong. “And Scott. I really like you both. And I want you guys to like me.”

I relaxed slightly, but still felt majorly weirded out by this whole thing. I also noticed that he hadn't mentioned Stiles at all and wondered if he had ever even acknowledged his existence. I guess he was more aware of Scott because he saw him as competition, and he was dating his girlfriend’s best friend...but still.

“I want to get to know you guys better.” I just nodded, hoping he was done talking. I’d never wanted to crawl out of my skin more than I did right now.

I felt my phone vibrate with a notification and silently thanked the heavens. I lifted it up and tried to smile regretfully as I stepped around him. “This has been...nice. But I gotta go. I’ll, uh, see you later.”

I walked away briskly, feeling his eyes watch me the whole way. Once I turned the corner, I felt a shudder move through me. I was so put off by that whole conversation. Had he always been that weird? I remembered him being a charismatic asshole, not whatever that was. I tried my best to forget about it as I walked into the library and immediately found Allison and Lydia at a table.

I sat down quickly, running a hand through my hair to collect myself.

“Where have you been?” Lydia asked, and I paled. She had this glint in her eyes that said she somehow knew I had just been talking to her boyfriend.

“Uh...” I wracked my brain for a believable lie. “Just had to stop at my locker.”

“Whatever. Guys, listen.” Allison’s full attention was on a small book in her hands. “The Beast of Gévaudan was a quadruped wolf-like monster prowling the south of France in the years 1764 to 1767. La Bête killed over a hundred people, becoming so infamous that the King, Louis XV, sent one of his best hunters to try and kill it.”

“Boring.” Lydia sang, but Allison continued unfazed.

“Even the church eventually declared the monster a messenger of Satan.” Her eyes lit up in excitement as she read.

“Hmm,” Lydia hummed, pretending to think. “Still boring.”

“Cryptozoologists believe it may have been a subspecies of a predator—”

“Slipping into a coma bored.”

“While others believe it was a powerful sorcerer who could shapeshift into a man and a monster.” I stiffened at that, my breath catching in my throat. That sounded familiar. What were they even talking about?

“Does any of this have anything to do with your family?” Lydia pressed impatiently.

Her family?

Oh.

Oh no.

“This. It is believed that La Bête was finally trapped and killed by a renowned hunter, who claimed his wife and four children were the first to fall prey to the creature. His name was Argent.” She looked up with a triumphant smile, and I cleared my throat while trying not to give anything away.

Did she already know, and this was her way of telling us? Or was she just now starting to put the pieces together?

“So your family killed a big wolf...” Lydia drawled, clearly not understanding what she was trying to say.

“Not just a big wolf.” Allison shook her head and turned the book around so that we could see inside. “Take a look at this picture. What does it look like to you?”

My heart nearly stopped beating in my chest. It was a werewolf, clear as day. And it looked just like the alpha. Same glowing red eyes. Same terrifying teeth and claws. Same black fur atop bulging muscles. Lydia’s face dropped at the sight, her lips parting and eyes going wide. I knew she was remembering what she saw outside the video store. But how much had Allison seen?

“Guys.” She huffed, her brows furrowing in concern. “Guys?”

“It looks...” Lydia trailed off before seeming to collect herself. “Like a big wolf. I’ll see you guys later.”

She stood abruptly, and we both watched her until she turned out of sight. My eyes found Allison again and she opened her mouth to say something right when the bell rang, signaling the end of the period. She began collecting her things with a frown, and I shook my head.

I had more questions now than ever, but I couldn't just outright ask her. If she didn't already know, I’d be exposing not only her family’s secret, but Scott’s. She mumbled a quick goodbye and went on her way. I sighed and rubbed a hand down my face in frustration. I hate secrets. So much.

On my way out of the library, I stopped at a nearby table where Scott and Stiles had been eavesdropping the entire time, using books as covers.

“You two aren't subtle.” I stuck around long enough to see their sheepish expressions before walking out the doors.

-----------------

I pressed my head into my pillow with a sigh, trying to get comfortable. My luck hadn't changed when it came to sleeping. Aside from the one night that Stiles stayed over—which I have decided to never speak of—I’ve been plagued by bad dreams and visions. I’d been laying here for what must’ve been hours now, and I was no closer to sleep.

There were so many things weighing on me, and I had a feeling they’d all be coming to a head soon. Like the alpha. What did it even want and why was it killing people? And Allison. I was feeling more and more guilty everyday for not telling her everything I know. Then there was Scott and Stiles, who were still keeping things from me, apparently. And Jackson. He was just...off.

With a frustrated huff I turned over onto my other side, but froze when I felt hard ground beneath me. My bed wasn't hard. My eyes popped open and I bolted upright instantly. I wasn't in my bed anymore. My fingers flexed in the soft grass around me as I tried to get my bearings.

My heart pumped harshly in my chest while my eyes scanned my surroundings. I was sitting in front of the high school, in the grass. My brows furrowed and I shook my head. I had to be dreaming or something. I was literally just in my bed a few seconds ago.

I froze as the sound of growling echoed through the building behind me. It was so loud that the doors and windows were actually shaking. It went on for several seconds, then stopped. I huffed out a breath, more confused than ever. I squinted my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the darkness of the night. I caught sight of Stiles’ jeep, along with another car, across the parking lot.

Great. What had they gotten themselves into this time? What had I gotten myself into?

“I’m gonna kill both of you!” I nearly jumped out of my skin as a sudden voice boomed from the dark.

I turned to see Scott and Stiles walking casually out of the school, as if it were normal to be here after hours. Derek emerged from behind one of the cars, putting a face to the angry yelling.

“What the hell was that? What, are you trying to attract the entire state to the school?”

“Sorry.” Scott shrugged, not sounding the least bit genuine. “I didn't know it would be that loud.”

Okay, so the growl had come from him. That was honestly impressive.

“Yeah, it was loud. And it was awesome!” Stiles sang, clearly excited by the whole thing.

“Shut up.” Derek hissed before shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.

“Don't be such a sour wolf.” Stiles chuckled and threw a hand up dismissively.

They were talking so casually, as if they were friends...

The last time I saw Stiles and Derek interact, he was terrified of him. What changed?

“Hey, what did you do with him?” Scott suddenly asked, his voice becoming serious.

All three of them looked at Derek’s car, inspecting the back door which was sitting wide open. What, did they kidnap someone or something? He whirled back around to face the guys quickly. “I didn't do anything.”

Then, without warning, a spine-chilling growl sounded from behind Derek. I just barely had enough time to see a pair of glowing red eyes before he was lifted into the air. A fountain of blood spilled from his mouth and I covered my own with a harsh gasp. It was hard to see in the low lighting, but I’d bet all my allowance money that the alpha was the cause.

Scott and Stiles instantly bolted from the scene, running at full speed toward the school. I was still frozen in place, fear paralyzing me. Just before ripping the doors open, Stiles’ head jerked in my direction as he noticed me sitting there.

“Y/N?” He was beside me in the blink of an eye, wrapping a hand around my bicep. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I...I don't...” I stammered, watching as the alpha threw Derek against a wall and stalked toward us slowly.

Stiles dragged me to my feet painfully fast, and I had no choice but to run with him as he sprinted to the school. We ran through the door that Scott was holding open for us, Stiles releasing me so he could help hold one of them closed.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” He yelled at me, his chest rising and falling with each quick pant he let out.

Both his and Scott’s backs were pressed against the metal doors, keeping them closed with their weight. It was a good idea in theory, although it would never hold up if the alpha decided it wanted to come in. They looked at me expectantly and I realized I hadn't responded yet.

“I could ask you the same thing.” I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly cold now that some of the adrenaline was wearing off. I really needed to start sleeping in more than a t-shirt and shorts, seeing as this was becoming a habit of mine.

“No, not gonna work this time.” Stiles shook his head angrily. “This is so not okay. You can’t be here.”

“Seriously, Y/N. What, did you follow us?” Scott added, his tone sharp.

Okay, they needed to chill the fuck out. It wasn't like I meant to crash their weird after hours meeting with Derek.

“By the looks of it, you shouldn't be either.” I huffed, my annoyance at an all time high at continuously being kept in the dark. “Since when are you guys talking to Derek? And coming here at night? What are you even doing?”

“Not important.” Stiles glared at me before turning to peer out one of the windows in the door.

“Very important!” I raised my voice as anger shot through me at his dismissal. “You two better start telling me everything you’ve been hiding. Right now. Or, I swear, I’ll—”

“This is not the time!” Scott interrupted, suddenly panicking. I’d nearly forgotten that we were hiding from the alpha. “We need to lock the doors.”

“Do I look like I have a key?” Stiles barked, voice rising with his own anxiety.

All I could do was watch as they started bickering.

“Grab something!”

“What?”

“Anything!”

Stiles suddenly stopped fidgeting and lifted his head to look out the window again. Scott stood from his hunched position and did the same, before whipping his attention back toward our spaz of a friend.

“No.” He breathed, seemingly understanding what Stiles wanted to do.

“Yes.” He shoved a flashlight that I hadn't even realized he was holding into Scott’s chest and popped open one of the doors. My eyes widened as I realized what he was going to do.

“No! Stiles, don't!” Scott whisper-shouted, but Stiles didn't even hesitate as he squeezed out the door.

I instantly ran to the place he had just been standing in so I could look out the window. My gaze landed on a pair of plyers laying on the ground.

“Is he crazy?” I whispered, my heart hammering painfully in my chest. Those were so not worth his life.

Scott and I watched with baited breath as he jogged down the concrete steps. He had barely touched the plyers when the alpha suddenly emerged from behind the Jeep. Scott instantly started pounding on the doors and calling Stiles’ name to get his attention. He looked at us, kneeling on one knee, and swallowed slowly.

He turned back around, and must’ve seen the alpha barreling toward him, because a second later he was back inside. We slammed the doors shut, and Stiles jammed the plyers between the handles. A moment of tense silence passed, the only sound our ragged breathing.

We all shared a wide-eyed look, knowing we were in for a long night.

Episode 5, Part Two Episode 7, Part One

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liquorisce · 3 years

Note

Hey I just found out about your fics! I love it. Are you still going to write some EM fics? You're awesome!

Anon thank you so much for reading my beloved eremika stories! i am so glad that you enjoyed them. there are so many versions of eremika that take up space in my head - childhood em, high school em, eren-is-a-screwup-modern-au, vamp-au em, gosh i can go on forever.

tbh i really really do want to still write em. especially now with snk getting more and more exciting with every chapter the EM feels are STRONG. but basically i fell prey to some writer anxiety and some “my fics are so shitty compared to other awesome authors” bs and i kinda stopped for a bit.

but 2020 has been good to me and i am back. and because i am so grateful for your readership and support (and all the others who have been so lovely about my work), i wanted to share this recent excerpt from my wips folder. i have no idea if its just trash, but is completely self-indulgent, dramatic and angsty, and features eremika +arumika so my fav kind. here you go ~

rating: m

parings: eremika / arumika [shingeki no kyojin]

words: 1070 ish

"You never told me," he says, his voice faint from the corner of the room, where he leans against the wall, his golden hair bathed in the pale moonlight.

"Armin," Eren exclaims, startled, "I didn't see you there." He's just out of the shower, hot beads of water growing cold on his skin as he sees the strangest expression on his best friend's face, blank and somewhat stony, something he has never seen before.

"Anyway," he teases lightly, "what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Mikasa right now?"

"I don't know." Armin has never sounded this far away and it scares him. He shouldn't be here, standing so eerily in the corner like a ghost, with that haunted look in his eyes... on his wedding night.

"Why didn't you tell me Eren?"

A cold dread sweeps through him. Had Mikasa told him after all? Had she decided the extent of their debauchery was too dirty a secret to keep from her husband?

It’s the darker voice in his mind that wonders, had she told him how many times he had taken her that night and how much she had loved it, how many times she had screamed his name?

His cheeks burn at the memory, a scarlet visual that he cannot bring himself to regret, for he does not regret anything more than the fact that he could not make her his, that this illicit liaison of theirs was one that would never happen again, that her touch, warm and passionate that it was, was something he would never have the pleasure of experiencing ever again.

Even now when Armin stands in front of him asking him questions that he probably shouldn't, and there is guilt, true and justified on his features, guilt that he deserves to feel, the smallest fraction of his heart throbs with remorseless sorrow because the woman he loves would never be his.

Because that one day, and night, those precious hours Eren had spent with her in his arms were as good as an illusion. She had made her choice, and it wasn't him.

But he feigns ignorance anyway. "What are you talking about? Are you okay?”

“Me? Today I married the girl I’ve loved my entire life,” the sarcasm dripped right through, “… I’m great!”

He can’t stop the bitterness that creeps into his voice. “I thought everything went really well today, didn’t it? Everyone was gushing about what a perfect wedding it was… what a perfect bride.”

“She really is, isn’t she?” Armin’s voice is cold, his ice-blue gaze unflinching. "I’m sure you thought so. As for the wedding… it’s not exactly perfect when the best man spends the entire evening staring at the bride." Armin's laugh is harsh, forced, seeking humor where there is none.

"It's not normal when the man who's giving her away holds onto her so tight, like he never wants to let go."

"I'm not stupid, Eren," his voice cracks a little, hysterical with the weight of truth that he has seen on his wedding day.

"You've never been stupid Armin," Eren says quietly, the oppressive feeling of guilt now unlocked from its cage consuming him entirely.

He looks at his best friend, still fresh in his wedding suit, neat bow and everything, hair swept back, shoulders broad and tall. he sees the despair etched on every single one of Armin's honest, beautiful features, tearing at him from within.

He’d just said his vows to the girl he always dreamed of marrying, and never ever had Eren seen anyone more miserable.

So he does his best to crack up a smile. "It's not that big of a deal, you know," he says lightly, "besides, we would have been terrible together. Too much fighting." He crinkles his nose in mock disgust.

Armin doesn't look convinced, he looks the same, desperate, guilty, like he's the one who's done something wrong, and it kills Eren.

It slays him. Because never, not for one second has he been even one tenth of the friend that Armin deserves. Especially not yesterday, when his hands had been so greedy to cover every inch of Armin’s now-wife roaming, kneading their way to her pleasure.

"If she had known, maybe..."

Maybe she would have changed her mind, is what he wants to say but the thought chokes in his throat. But Eren knows what he's thinking and he's quick to reassure him. "She wouldn't have chosen this life if she didn't love you."

But It isn't love for me when she looks at you the that way, the same way you look at her, like everyone else is just background noise, he thinks, but he doesn't say it because he knows the truth in those words, and fears it will only amplify when spoken out loud.

There is no more of this that Eren can bear, this self-righteous guilt and sadness and despair flowing out of Armin. He's tried to be happy for him, and her, because this will keep them inside the walls, or at the very least within the realms of society as they knew it… a life far safer than the journey he would set forth upon.

It killed him when he had to see Armin kiss her, hesitant, soft, the lightest smile playing out at his lips and answering breath from hers, but he forced himself to watch.

He had forced the spears further into himself untill he had thought he would be sick, sick with hatred and jealousy and all things impure.

But he had watched faithfully and tried to work up a smile because this was the happiness of his two most precious people and he would protect it.

And now Armin stood in front of him, miserable, as if he were ruined, as if the one person he had desired above everything was taken away from him.

It was something that Eren could not bear any longer. He would tell Armin all of this, if he had thought it would bring him peace but it wouldn't, it would just shatter their relationship and everything it meant to him.

So he turns away, signalling an end to this conversation.

"Go to your wife," and the bitterness is loud, screaming in Eren's words, splintering harshly. "She's probably waiting for you."

#eremika #arumika #shingeki no kyojin #eren jaeger #mikasa ackermin #armin arlert #liquorisce fanfiction

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soft-sunflower · 4 years

Text

Flower of Evil Thoughts: Part 2- Episode 11

Back to a very emotionally shook Hyunsoo who's driving away from her, away from his life, away from all he's known for the past 14 years, away from his family, away from love. The only love he's ever had. Jiwon and his daughter. He has tears in his eyes as the memory of Jiwon telling him "there's no reason behind why I've fallen out love" comes. He believes he knows why Jiwon told him this and it was because she had discovered the truth of his identity. How could a strong, beautiful woman like Jiwon ever love the likes of Do Hyunsoo? He's literally fighting tears, clutching at his head as her words continue to sound in his mind.

Then he remembers her telling him she wishes they could switch bodies so that he could feel how much she loves him and you can see how genuinely confused he is. Does Jiwon love him? Does she not want him? Is she abandoning him? And once the case is through, she wants to move to the countryside with Eunha and him. All of these thoughts and memories are too much as he lets out a cry and slams on his breaks to the side of a bridge.

He looks so incredibly lost. He looks afraid, he doesn't know what to do. He's been abandoned now. He's all alone and so he rests his head on his steering wheel. No. He doesn't want to accept that. He's desperate to not accept that, and so he tries to call his wife over and over. He's pleading for her to pick up the phone, that this can't be the end for them. He genuinely does not want to lose his wife. The idea of it has driven him into an emotional burst. Jiwon just looks at her phone but doesn't answer. With the song Feel You playing throughout this whole scene, it just adds to the emotional impact.

Next thing we know, a taxi is pulling up in front of his car and out comes Jiwon. Hyunsoo is already on the verge of absolutely breaking down, but the moment he gets out of that car absolutely wrecked my heart. He's literally struggling his way to her, tears are filling his eyes as she questions him.

"Why are you doing this to me? Why? You can't live as Baek Heeseong anymore. Your identity got exposed. You need to run away."

Oh Jiwon... he's doing this because he NEEDS you. Because he's desperate! Because he loves you, even if he doesn't understand that himself or why he's being like this with her. He does not WANT to run away. He does not CARE that his identity was exposed. He wants to be with you. And I know you're trying... trying so hard and so desperately to help him so he doesn't rot in prison for what his sister did. I know you are.

"What more do you want from me? What more do I need to do for you?"

Jiwon, what he needs from you right now is your comfort, your love, your protection. You don't need to do anything more than what you've already been doing. Just keep loving him, just keep him safe, help him as best you can. Be there for him and for love of god, don't abandon him. He's had enough of that in his life. He's been dealt miserable hands his entire life, and there's nothing that he wants more now than you, his life, his family and to live peacefully. It's his turn for the questions. Hyunsoo is crying now. The first time he's ever really cried.

"Just why... You knew everything. Why didn't you abandon me even though you knew everything?"

Oh... oh my GOD, Hyunsoo... just because you're not living as Baek Heeseong anymore. Just because you are Do Hyunsoo does NOT mean that you are worthy of abandonment. His self-worth is so incredibly small it's utterly heartbreaking. There's no reason WHY Jiwon would've abandoned you because that's just how incredible she is. Yes, she knows your real identity, and yet here she is. She stayed by your side, she told you she didn't mean it, you KNOW she loves you regardless. You have to know this. You have to know you are worthy of her love. How can you not understand why she wouldn't abandon you?? Your trauma runs so deep... you've never been shown by a single person that you are worthy of love except for Jiwon and it's so heartbreaking. So incredibly heartbreaking.

"Do you really not understand?"

No, Jiwon. He doesn't. He's so lost. We know... She bent over backward to protect him, to keep him safe no matter what it took, no matter what she had to do because simply finding out the fact that his real name is Do Hyunsoo did not mean an ending to her love for him. She STILL loves him. She never STOPPED loving him. She would never stop loving him. Ever.

I don't think Hyunsoo is having a panic attack this time. I think he's feeling real, true pain in his heart. I think those panic attacks were the start to this, like I've said in the past episodes. His emotions are completely opening up. His emotions that had brimmed the surface are spilling out in all directions. This takes me back to the beginning scene of when Eunha is crying. He asks Jiwon why, and she tells him "Because there's a lot she wants to say but she can't put it into words yet." I think there is A LOT of that Hyunsoo wants to say here, but he can't. So all he can do is tell Jiwon he is so sorry that he hurt her. He's overcome with his own remorse, regret, disappointment in himself and grief and now all he can do is just cry. He looks so defeated...

"I'm so sorry, Jiwon-ah. I hurt you. I wounded you."

Joongi's delivery of this line right here sent me over the edge full on sobbing because you can FEEL the pain. You can FEEL him in pain. You can FEEL his remorse, you can FEEL how desperately sorry he is that he hurt his wife like this. Joongi has always been able to break my heart and make me cry with his crying scenes, but this one is something so incredibly different. It's not anything like his past heartbreaking scenes in other dramas. You can feel every ounce of Hyunsoo's pain, his desperation, his regret, his fear of losing her.

Years upon years upon years of emotion and tears are just pouring out of him. Who knows how long he kept these feelings and emotions completely on lockdown for so long because of how many people told him he wasn't capable of feeling. Who knows when the last time he ever actually cried in his life? Probably when he was very very young. Maybe when his mother disappeared? Who knows, but it would seem in all his adult life up til now, he has never shed real tears and has never cried, and so now he finally is. He's sobbing like a young one. Like Eunha. And I can't even imagine what's going through Jiwon's head, seeing her husband literally crumbling and shattering before her like this. She's probably never see him cry up til now.

He's in so much pain because of everything he's been through in his life and has never had a way to let it out because he was told he was a monster. He was told he was possessed by an evil spirit and forced into abusive exorcisms. He was told he wasn't capable of feeling or processing emotion. He was told he couldn't love, so he believed any feeling to be unreal and locked it all away to the point he became emotionally stunted, but he can. HE CAN. These feelings have been building and building for so long, unrecognized and have now become evident. His remorse, his aching, his longing, unbelieving that anyone could ever love him as Do Hyunsoo... my heart physically aches for him. I'm shattered.

And the music. THE MUSIC. Oh my GOD this absolutely tragic instrumental is incredible. I don't know how this drama is doing it, but I tell you... the whole time I watched this scene I just cried and cried right along with Hyunsoo and Jiwon. Jiwon can’t stand it and she grabs her husband and pulls her to him. When she gathers him into her arms and holds him after he asks her why again, (FINALLY... I wondered how long she was gonna just let him stand there sobbing his heart out in front of her) and she tells him because it's all she could do, and he leans into her shoulder and wraps his arms around her. The way they are so desperately clinging to each other, as if they can't hold each other tight enough. Hyunsoo's sobs, Jiwon gently patting him on the back. I LOVED the gentle pat on the back because it reminded me all of the times Hyunsoo would hold, comfort and pat Jiwon whether she was crying or resting or whatever. He was there, holding her and patting her, comforting her. Her gentle patting calms him down...

And when he tells her "Jiwon, I want to go home." Oh my GOD... it was almost childlike here. He just wants to go home. Where he's comforted, where he's safe, where nothing can hurt him, where he's loved... I'm getting emotional just going back through this scene. God, Jiwon. Just take this poor baby home.

"Okay, let's go. Let's go home. Whatever happens, let's start over there."

The way he's clutching her shoulder and hair and sobbing again at the realization he gets to go home... just... GOD. Get him home, start over, clean his wounds, get his clothes changed and just let him cry or sleep or talk. Do whatever he wants or needs. Just please please get him home and stay with him. Yep. I'm crying again. My gosh this episode just has me so utterly wrecked. I wish I could explain it better with my words just how much this episode affected me. Thank you Lee Joongi and Moon Chaewon for your beautiful chemistry here. You two deserve massive awards for this drama, but for this scene alone. You both are amazing.

Ooookay, after that overwhelmingly powerful emotional blow that lasted ohhh what... a good 10 minutes? From the time Jiwon busted in to save Hyunsoo, til the very end of Hyunsoo's breakdown... I had to stop so I could cry and get it all out before starting on the next scene.

So now, we're back with Noona and the Baek family. Who is, I believe, faking Noona out with the whole "I'll look into it." Meanwhile, you got Heeseong back there still biting his nails. Haesoo, no... you are trusting them far too easy and you CANNOT count on them. You don't know them. These are dangerous people. Now the mother is asking Haesoo if when she met the accomplice, was there anything that stood out. Sly... she's now talking about the fingernails on his left hand were chewed down short, and here the camera pans to Baek Heeseong biting and chewing at his nails and then him looking at them as Noona recalls this.

AND I CALLED IT I CALLED IT I FUCKING CALLED IT!!!! HE IS THE ACCOMPLICE!!!! HE'S THE ONE WHO SENT THE THREATENING MESSAGE TO THAT LADY, HE IS THE ONE WHO WAS WORKING WITH THE TRAFFICKING RING, HE IS THE ONE WHO WORKED WITH DO MINSEOK. HE WAS THE ONE AT THE FUNERAL SOBBING LIKE IT WAS THE END OF THE WORLD AND HE HELPED DO MINSEOK KILL ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE. The flasbacks. THE FLASHBACKS FFS!!!

Oh shit... the damn trafficking ring leader escaped!!! He fucking tricked the cop with him and escaped. THIS IS REALLY REALLY BAD. This asshole is gonna want revenge on Hyunsoo... and I'm REALLY worried for Hyunsoo's safety since he busted loose. Who knows where he's gone!?

Oh man... time for more tears again, because believe me. This scene made me cry too. I love how Jiwon gently takes Hyunsoo's hand to lead him inside of their home, because he seems almost reluctant to step inside of it. Almost like a "Am I worthy of stepping inside my home? Can I be here? Is it okay for me to be in here?" And then In My Heart starts playing which is PERFECT for this scene. Another fabulously emotional scene done by Joongi and Chaewon. Poor Hyunsoo. He looks like he cried the whole way home, and now that they're home, and he's looking at the wall with the photos of all of their familial memories, Hyunsoo starts to cry again. You think he's going to go into an anxiety attack, but Jiwon grounds him. She puts her arm around him to support him and he turns to face her. He's so so vulnerable right now. So incredibly vulnerable. Jiwon is the rock he needs. She's his strongest pillar of support.

And now, back in their home, Jiwon puts her arms around her husband once more and holds him close. This is them, starting new, starting over, letting him cry in your arms, comforting him, letting him know that you're here, that you love him, that this is his HOME. He is HOME. He's safe here. Our crying couple pulls back to look at each other, and Hyunsoo can't help himself. He cups his wife's face, strokes her cheek with his thumb.I love the way Hyunsoo literally looks over every inch of his wife’s face, as if committing it to memory, and then...

They share the most perfect, emotional, crying kiss that I've ever ever ever seen in a kdrama. It's not messy, it's not overdone, it’s not lacking. It's emotionally impactful, it's so tender and you can tell with all the crying they're struggling to kiss, but are still kissing. And it just sent me over the edge. Just when I thought I'd calmed down from the last scene, I'm crying AGAIN. What is this show DOING to me!? God I love the way he kisses her here. It's so desperate and so wanting. I just can't even pin it down properly with words. It's so perfectly visual.

Alright so we're back to gangster trafficker leader man Yeom Sangchul. He digs out the photos of accomplice from his back pocket and sure enough, it's Baek Heeseong. The REAL Baek Heeseong. Which stresses me out and now I'm INCREDIBLY worried for Hyunsoo's safety... because this man is an accomplice to serial killings, is a killer, worked and involved himself with human traffickers... he is REALLY dangerous. And Yeom Sangchul's words chill me to the bone... "This means... I still have one more chance." And I'm REALLY afraid he's going to use Heeseong to help him get Hyunsoo and attempt to succeed in killing him. Please please please catch him before he can cause Hyunsoo ANYMORE pain.

The whole entire Baek family are nothing but a bunch of shady, murderous bastards who all three deserved to be locked up. Whether they lock the mother up in a mental institution is fine by me, but Heeseong and Manwoo? LOCK THEM TF UP. Hyunsoo is more than capable of it? The man has never killed a person a day in his life, so no... he's really NOT capable of it. And I'm not buying Heeseong's "HE MADE ME DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT or he would kill you and dad" crocodile tear bullshit for one moment. This dude is legit psychotic and unhinged. He's fucking crazy. Especially considering he stops crying instantly and asks his parents if they'll protect him and you KNOW these jacked up psychopaths will. I could be wrong, but I think he's pulling off one hell of a big act here. Even if it means trying to screw over Hyunsoo or worse... hurt Noona. I'm currently REALLY worried for her safety too. Especially now that she's involved herself with the Baeks. Funny how everyone would call Hyunsoo a psychopath but not the REAL ones here, the damn Baek family. They've shaped up to be pretty good villains.

Next we're being shown a flashback of Hyunsoo when he was just a 10 year old child. He's running in the woods, not sure of why, but his father shows up and is oddly protective. And then you hear adult Hyunsoo say "That's my earliest memory." We see Hyunsoo and Jiwon sitting in bed together, Jiwon holding her husband's hand in a very comforting, reassuring way as if letting him know she's there for him. It makes me wonder how long they'd been sitting there talking. At some point, she definitely doctored him up and they changed clothes and gotten comfortable. I think they would've been too physically and emotionally battered to make love, though I've seen people question if they did. Maybe it came later. I think they both are pretty ouchie physically and their emotions are a complete wreck since he can't seem to stop crying.

Hyunsoo tells her he was 10 years old with that earliest memory. He also mentions he doesn't recall anything that happened before that. Okay, but why?? Most adults can remember clear back to when they were VERY young... personally, my earliest memory was when I was only 3. What kind of trauma did this poor man sustain when he was THAT young that he would block out? That it would become a repressed memory? He doesn't even remember why he was wandering in the woods, that it was like he was lost in darkness, like he fell in a deep hole. He felt relieved to be rescued by his father, and that's all he remembers. I need to know why. I really hope they touch on this in future upcoming episodes.

I really love why Jiwon questions why he's still wearing the watch she gave him. He tells her that the idea of her knowing where he is makes him feel good. It probably gives him that same safe feeling. Jiwon continues to rescue him over and over. Jiwon was able to find him at the trafficker's hideout if it weren't for that watch. He might have been burned to death if it weren't for that watch. She was able to save him all thanks to that watch, and I am so happy she did. Then she mentions that Hyunsoo is a strange person. Well, that's random, Jiwon lol. What comes next though...? Made me cry again. YES. This drama has made me cry 3 times in ONE episode, though I wasn't really sobbing here. Just really teary. This is all thanks to Lee Joongi's phenomenal acting.

Hyunsoo questions Jiwon to what extent she'd been following him and Jiwon answers since he met Noona in the abandoned building. She finally tells him she heard him say he's never loved her, not even for a second. Hyunsoo can't even bring himself to look at his wife as she explains she doesn't even know how she got home after hearing that. And he looks crushed by this. That was definitely something he never wanted Jiwon to hear. And then he starts to cry again. And Jiwon tenderly asks "Why are you crying again?" Hyunsoo literally says "I don't know." Because he doesn't. He needs Jiwon to help him understand because she's ALL he's ever had to actually help him understand, even if he was never truly open with her in their past, he's being entirely open now and Jiwon knows what guidance he needs. She tells him she knows why he's crying again.

"Because you love me."

Hyunsoo shakes his head pitifully and says in a broken voice "No. I'm not capable of that..."

Oh honey... you've been fed so many lies about what you are and aren't capable of that you believed them and believed yourself to be this awful person, and you are most certainly capable of love. What you're feeling right now is love. That's why you're crying again. Because you love her. Because the very idea of losing her sends you over the edge. You're even remorseful at the fact that she heard you say this. But baby, you do love her. You love her so much. Your love for her is one of the biggest reasons of why you have been so emotionally wrecked the whole night.

Jiwon explains it all to him.

"You always wished for me to be happy."

Hyunsoo "Because I had to deceive you." But is that really it? No. I don't think so.

Jiwon brings up more memories. Stuff that he didn't even HAVE to do to try and deceive her. He just did it because that was his instinct. To protect her. To ease her suffering from loss.

"When I was studying for the academy, I'd leave the library late at night... only to see you waiting for me outside. That's when... I felt that you truly... cared about me."

"When my dad suddenly passed away, it was as if darkness had painted my life. I was anxious all the time and angry at the world. Almost everythingmade me cry. But unlike everyone else, you never pressed me to get better or gave out advice. You learned how to cook instead and made me food. It was all delicious, and that's how I got better again. You love me. I can feel it." And Hyunsoo, tears rolling.

The way he looks at her... "I... love you." He brings her hand gently to his lips and places a tender kiss on her hand with his eyes never leaving her face. "I... love you, Jiwon-ah."

My god the way he says it, the delivery, the tears, the expression and Jiwon being so moved by finally hearing her husband say it, because he knows it. He believes it. He knows he loves his wife. He now understands that all this time, he wasn't deceiving her. He wasn't tricking her. He was doing these things out of love for her. He knows what real and true love feels like. He finally knows. He finally understands. And I just...

The growth and development of Hyunsoo here is just incredible. It's beautiful, it's heartwarming, it's heartbreaking, it's bittersweet, it's emotional and so powerful. So very powerful. Even when Jiwon tells him that tomorrow, there are people who are going to judge him, and he says those things don't bother him anymore, he doesn't care. Jiwon tells him:

"No matter what, don't forget. You are a warm person." And she's right. He is. So much warmer than anyone has ever realized. He's proved it time and time again in the way he takes care of his family. How he is with both his wife and his daughter. The tickling and playing with his family, making meals together, the comfort he provides Jiwon after rough days at work, all of the things we've seen him do for them. It was all because of the love and warmth in his heart for his family. It's just heartbreaking that never realized that this is what it was the whole entire time. I want to see him cuddle Eunha and tell her he loves her too. So badly.

Okay I had to chuckle a bit here when Hyunsoo tells Jiwon "You are even stranger than I am."

LOL My perfectly strange match made in heaven Hyunsoo and Jiwon. ♥ No matter how strange you both are, you are absolutely beautiful. Both of you. And your love can't be matched. Jiwon covers his hand and encourages him to continue telling her his story. She wants to know what happened next. He tells her about working delivery for a Chinese restaurant, and that he met a man Namsoo, and Jiwon eagerly wants to know when she comes in. He tells her to wait a little bit, because before he met her he had to go through 2 near death experiences... wait 2???

“Your path to me was not a stroll in the park.” “Jiwon. You’re the one thing in my life that’s the hardest to explain. It’s unrealistic. It doesn’t make sense.” Okay, so we know that one of those was when Nam Soongil tried to kill him over needing money... what was the one before that?? Oh this poor, precious man... Baby what did you go through? I hope he told Jiwon everything. But I do love hearing him tell her that Jiwon is a moment in his life that he can't explain. It's unreal, it doesn't make any sense. I'll bet they stayed up all night talking and crying and everything til they fell asleep in each other's arms. I love watching him stroke her hand with his thumb. They are just so honest, so pure and innocent, so perfect.

And it hurts in such a good way but a bad way too... because the next morning Detective Choi is pulling up to Hyunsoo and Jiwon's house and getting out of his car... to arrest Hyunsoo. Talk about ruining something so beautiful.

We switch back to Noona all worried that Moojin didn't answer his phone. She can't call Hyunsoo so when she can't get ahold of Moojin, it has her all up in arms. Then she wants to know what happened to his face. Oh, Haesoo... if only you knew, girl. Then she's asking Moojin if Hyunsoo is alright and I was like "NO HE IS NOT ALRIGHT. HE CRIED ALL NIGHT LONG FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE AND HE'S DISCOVERING HE HAS EMOTIONS AND CAN FEEL ON TOP OF THE FACT THAT DETECTIVE CHOI IS AT HIS HOUSE READY TO ARREST HIM!!!!" Noona, I adore you honey, but you need to turn yourself in. You need to turn yourself in and admit the whole entire situation to the police, including why you killed the village foreman so your brother can be free. He's an innocent man. He does not deserve to be locked up.

Now we are back to Hyunsoo sleeping peacefully. Makes me wonder if he cried and talked til he fell asleep last night. Ahhh I love to imagine missing scenes. Jiwon stroking his face and his hair til he finally goes to sleep. It would be so sweet, wouldn't it? Also, I'm loving their new bedclothes. First of all, my favorite color, second of all, new beginnings for them. I'm guessing Jiwon decided to change the bedclothes some time after they got home and settled in to bed for the night. It was perfect and gave a change of color than all the bleakness we've seen much of. It set the mood of the emotional pillow talk. But anyway...

Jiwon is on the phone with Detective Choi, she tells him she understands and then pleads gently with him to please not put handcuffs on her husband. Her wishes are that he takes him as quietly as possible with him. She tells him she'll come out in 30 minutes with him and Hyunsoo is waking up. I wonder if he heard all of that or not? Jiwon tells him Detective Choi is in front of their house. He accepts this quietly.

Next thing, we see them both pretty dressed to impress, looking like a power couple. I love the way they are clutching each other's hands. Jiwon is NOT shy about flaunting to the world that this is HER man. I love how Jiwon holds onto hers a little tighter around his, and Hyunsoo squeezes back while they both stare down Detective Choi with not a shred of emotion on their faces. Nice poker faces, you couple of badasses. Though Jiwon does have sort of a “don’t fuck with my husband” expression.

This episode was by far the BEST one so far of the whole drama and will likely end up being a favorite. I had so many emotions while watching it and the last time I cried like that through an episode of a drama was Moon Lovers. Lee Joongi never ceases to amaze me. I can't wait to see what next Wednesday brings us!! I am very nervous though... I don't want Hyunsoo to go to prison for something he is innocent of!! He needs to be at home caring for his family!

Please, writers and director, please please let them have happiness. Let them have a happy ending. I'm begging.

#flower of evil #lee joon gi #moon chae won #do hyun soo #cha ji won #lee joongi #moon chaewon #do hyunsoo #cha jiwon #lee jun ki #lee junki #flower of evil episode 11 #episode thoughts

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kyovtani · 3 years

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ASKS

hey babies! i’ve decided to answer the asks about back to life one and two like this because ive received so so so many and you guys blew me away so answering every single one of them is the least i can do to show you guys just how grateful i am. thank you so much for giving both parts SO much love, i love and appreciate you guys and the support you’re constantly sending my way with my whole entire heart <33

BYE THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO FAR. MY ANXIETY THO FROM THE ENDING, LIKE PLS KYO REALIZE THE MCS ANXIETY PLS DONT GO OUT WITH SORA PLEASE PLEASE HE SEEN HOW SHE DIDNT LOOK OKAY WHEN HE CAME IN PLEASE REALIZE HER ANXIETY PLEASE

– THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !! this was the very first ask about back to life and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever! I hc Kyoutani to be rally understanding of things like anxiety and depression, generally mental health so that’s why it was easy for him to understand the reader’s situation and mindset!

BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!!! i was really excited when you started posting about it!! i can't wait for part 2, i wanna know how they fix this!

AAAH !! thank you so much for the love and support baby!!!! I really hope you enjoyed part 2 just as much, sending you lots of smooches MWAH

OH MY GOD THE KYO FIC IS AMAZING

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!!!

OH MY GOD YOUR KYOUTANI FIC HAS ME ACTUALLY FROTHING I LOVE IT SM

IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY THAT MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED AT THE LAST COUPLE PARAGRAPHS AS WELL I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2

AAAH YOU GUYS !!! this made me so happy !!! thank you so much and I hope part two met your expectations and you enjoyed the ending MWAH!!

HOLY FUCK THAT KYOUTANI FIC WHEW IT WAS SO SO GOOD IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2

thank you for the food <33

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BABY !!!

YOUR KYOTANI FIC AHHHHHHH my heart can’t handle this

I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BABY !!!

OW THE END ON BACK TO LIFE HURTED THOUGH GDFGHJDFHJRY

Was overwhelmed by the hurty that I forgot to say how much I ADORE your characterization of Kyoutani. fdjkhgjkgdr

THANK YOU SO MUCH !! honestly- that means the world to me, probably the best compliment you can give me :((

Back to life was so good OMG 😳😳 HELLO??? You're amazing

Thank you so much, my love! it honestly is everything to me when you guys tell me such sweet things I love you so much MWAH!!

the new fic did not help me with my insecurities now i’m just frustrated and insecure. great writing tho.

honestly- same. when I wrote this, I lit indulgent every bit of my mind working into this fic and thats why it means so much to me ?? so youre not alone, my love; but thank you so much <33

The way I panicked at the end of the fic thinking there wasn’t gonna be more to it, holy shi that fox was so good I almost cried thinking they were just gonna end things like that 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I’d NEVER end a fic like that- I hate bad endings and cannot stand cliffhangers but the formatting didn't give me another choice im sorry for the heart attack baby kfhflashsj but am glad you liked it!

@au-roraaa said: ZADE I WAS NEVER A KYO FUCKER BUT I THINK YOUVE CONVERTED ME HOLY FUCKSJFJSJDJSN

THIS IS MY JOB AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU ALL TO TURN INTO KYOU FUCKERS KSSSOH

UR THE BEST WRITER WTF?? WHEN DO U THINK PART TWO WOULD BE UP... and does kyoutani flirt with sora 😣💔

YOU GUYS- NOOO- pls my heart made a loop :(( I love you so much :(( thank you baby and I think now you know what he does with sora MWAH

@kawakuto said: hi hi zade!🤩 (ajdjs idk if you remember me but i moved main blogs and I was @/gukooky before LOL) THE KYOUTANI FIC ANDJWNS I DIDNT EXPECT THE END WAHHHH🥺🥺 it was so well written omg I loved it!! (wtf kyoutani, you said we were going slow what if I wasn’t ready to call u my boyfriend wtffff😔😔 pain.)

AAAAH OFC I DO REMMEBER !! hope youre doing well baby !!! and thank you SO much for your sweet words, I honestly appreciate them so much :((<33

pls I’m in love with your writing. You write kyoutani so well so now I’ll always be grabbing at any crumbs you send my way 🥵

thank you so so so much baby!!!! these kinda words always hit me right at the heart, I appreciate them so much and I love you sm much

bb i love ur kyoutani fic sm :(( ur rlly so talented <33 i look forward to pt 2 ^3^

thank you so much baby, sending a smooch your way mwah

zade that kyoutani piece im in so much pain why would u do this to me 💔💔💔💔

believe me when I say It hurt me even more than you </3

I just finished reading part 2 and it waS SO GOODAJSFHJLFG you did amazing!! (n˘v˘•)¬

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!

Hi! New nonnie coming through :) First time I'm writing something because I'm such a nervous wreck but I just had to

THE FIC WAS SO GOOD THE VIBES ARE CHEFS KISS. IT WAS SO GOOD I LITERALLY DROOLED I CAN NOT GET OVER IT !

Mister kyotani pls rail me thanks 🐱

THANK YOU AAAH YOURE SO CUTE !!! I truly appreciate this with my whole entire heart so thank you so much baby, hope you have a good one mwah

Wait did he do anything with Sora?

nope!! they just went to the party together but in my mind he didn’t even hug her and she didn’t try anything else, too, simply bc she knew how in love he is with reader!!

YOUR MINDDDDD!! THE KYOU FIC WAS SOOOO GOOOD!! Omg i hope you do a part 3 😭😭

i have a Little sequel which is really really soft but I'd love to write some more for it!

@soranihimawari said: Part 1 & 2 with kyoutani was amazing as always Zade! I really liked the ending. This was such a fun read. I was wondering who’s else would be sharing the apartment with Kyoutani. What made you choose tattoo artist Iwa & Oikawa? Those two made me chuckle with the way they came in like that. Hope you have a great day/evening/late night/etc.

✌🏼&💜

—sora—

aaah thank you so so much, baby!! I truly appreciate your sweet words, youre the cutest! regarding your question: You shares an apartment with Iwa, Oikawa and Yahaba (who also works at the tattoo studio!) and i don't know to be really honest- I just like the thought of these three being really good friends so after contemplating whether or not to go with iwaoi or matsuhana, I ended up going with those two dorks! hope you have a good one baby mwah!!

@sakusapetals said: PLEASEE I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH

AAAH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !!! I LOVE YOU SM

How long did it take you to write the entire two parts? Like wow that’s alot👁👄👁 i adore long fics though

oooh- hm ?? tbh i don't really know ?? I can’t remember ?? I think it took me about a month or like three weeks since I did write it all in one go yk? it was the only WIP I worked on during that time and it felt SO relieving to publish it!

AAAHHH the kyou fic was a masterpiece bb!!! ❤️❤️

thank you so so so much baby!!<33

U LITERLALT WRIYE KYOU THE BEST ABSOLUTE BEST. he’s so aggressive and demanding but he still is willing to show someone special his vulnerability. I LOVE READING STUFF ABOUT HIM FROM U

AAAAH thank you so much- you guys have no idea how much these kinda comments mean to me- I love you so MUCH MWAH

I just read the first part of "back to life" an it had me speechless so many times, almost cried at the end, it's honestly so well written. I'm off to read part two. Have a nice day 🐰

sdoalfsla thank you so much baby! I hope you enjoyed both parts equally as much and thank you for all the love mwah!!<3

Hana is a baddie

SHE IS!! she’s literally the baddest bitch to ever exist ft. saeko ofc but nobody acknowledges it </3

@tonhwa said: I’m in love with the way you write kyoutani pls. Even your previous fics on your old account ( if you don’t mind me mentioning it ) are so fucking amazing. GOSH YOU CHARACTERIZE HIM SO WELL AND THE PLOT IS ALWAYS SO JUICY AND INTERESTING I CANT HELP BUT GO BACK AND READ IT. and then you release this fucking wonderful piece and I feel like it’s my birthday even though it’s already passed LOL ty ily have a wonderful day I’m sobbing tears of happiness

YOU GUYS PLEASE- the fact this made me tear up when I first read it- thank you SO much honestly. knowing you guys enjoy my characterization of my favorite character is honestly everything to me so thank you sm I love you baby have a good one!!<3

I’ve been on this app from high school, and now I’m a college grad. I have to say I’ve never sent a message to anyone I’ve followed. But that tattoo artist! Kyou fic, part 1 and 2 are 😩💕 *chefs kiss* you are one of my favorite writers I’ve ever followed since joining this app. You NEVER disappoint!

-💕 a very satisfied reader

thank you so much baby!! aaah this is honestly so so sweet :(( thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a sweet thing, I appreciate it and you so much mwah!!

i gotta say babe THANK YOU FOR THE KYOTANI CONTENT!! muAAAAHH💞💞

NOO THANK YOU GUYS FOR GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE MWAH!!!

i love kyoutani and he obvs deserves his dick sucked 🤧🤧 but i catch him posting up with other girls I DONT CARE THE SITUATION he gonna catch these hands for a real one 👊🏼👆🏼🤜🏼🥊🥊 kidding 😐😐😐 he’d body me

pls the way this had me chuckling like crazy bc same sajlskjpw he can get mad all he want but he better stay his pretty ass where he is- by my side 😌

#💌.zade's mass response

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sereisstuff · 4 years

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𝙿𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝟿

Demon!Taehyung x chubby reader

Summary of the tale - Taehyung has banter with his mother and Jungkook finds his way of friendship with you. How will Taehyung react? Warnings - none

(It’s been like what? two, three months? I’m not gonna lie and say I’ve been busy cause I haven’t I’m just gonna say I lost slight hope for this series and many of my others. I may stick to request and one shots now but I still have a passion for this particular one)

“How are you holding up, my dear” lunar spoke with the utmost care, her soft hands gripping the mug you gifted her. “I understand that my presence may come as a shock to you but I assure you I’m not here to be causing any ruckus” she proceeded with caution, you watched her smile. Gleaming in assurance.

“Did I do something wrong?” was your first question, from the information you were able to witness she was a witch, a woman of many talents and although it may not be the best to assume peoples talents you guessed she had somewhat a visionary mind. Lunar giggled wholeheartedly “No, I was just making sure you were doing fine with the potion, I have another gift for your journey. I was going to come much earlier but my partner made sure I knew your young demon was coming to bring you a gift of his own” she explained wafting the air with the trinkle of her finger.

“Oh, he’s not mine” you blushed profusely, grimacing towards your choice of words. Maybe she didn’t mean it in that way and you were skipping to conclusions. Lunar release yet another strong laugh, her curls bouncing with every long hearty giggle she took, her obsidian orbs rested on your face with her laughter halting with an air of exasperation “That’s where your utterly wrong my dear, I’ve known the young demon for many years. He may claim you as his own but he was yours long before that”

You gulped hearing those words, your mind filling with quizzical questions hoisting off from your chair to sit closer towards the edge “what do you mean?” you questioned curiously, the grip you held on the chair contoured your fingers. Lunar coughed taking a sip of her drink elegantly and your gaze fell to the floor in question “Jimin prophesied something similar when he came over, do you think it could be true. I know you have the answers” I spoke clearly.

Luna's bright gleam dropped, her eyes narrowing as you rambled. She did in fact have the answers to even your deepest questions “The son of Aphrodite was here?” her tone seemed oddly venomous as if she ridiculed his very presence with a burning hatred. Her question was yet to be confirmed making her release a heavy sigh.

You nodded your head warily “he was” came your short response watching the witches reaction “I’m sorry dear, I just don’t have much of a liking for the young demigod. To answer your question I cannot say, my ability to answer such a question is a curse of mine I should forever live with” she informed sadly and you empathized with her feeling oddly placed in this entire situation.

“I’m sorry” you apologized.

“No need my dear, I wanted to gift you this-” she held out a majestic necklace with a heart locket. Her hands held it gently as you frowned but smiled at the gift “that looks expensive, why me” She seemed to know the answer but kept her mouth closed “I hope this brings your young demon his own answers” she mumbled before patting your head as she placed the mug on the small coffee table resting neatly.

“Was this Taehyungs?” you shouted as she started leaving the home, her long strides took her to the end of the drive as she turned around “it was and is yours, young one” she shouted back before dispersing through thin air making you grumble incoherent words under your breath “it was? Am I just meant to guess that”

You walked around the home with small steps, carelessly caressing the edges of the home with an intensive stare residing within your eyes before a certain gleam caught your sight. It was a small crack in the ground. The same hole Taehyung created when Jungkook dimwittedly marked you with his own mark of Poseidon, his anger could still be felt and he was never going to be pleased with his cousin.

The entire space felt different, noticing days even weeks had gone past which you’d spent with the young demon hand in hand. That not even your home felt the embrace of you yet still cold and lacking the homely comfort it once had, so you grabbed the remote and choose a movie on Netflix while you began cleaning.

………………………………

“Your father seems to be interested in this girl” Taehyungs mother spoke venomously, her seducing figure coated with a tight corseted dress. The glimmering crown resting upon her thick locks of luscious hair could catch the attention of people standing miles away. “But I’m not” she ended with a rippling growl, Taehyung looked at his mother boredly.

“So tell me son, what god dare’s to have such a child?” she asked softly, her long manicured fingers caressing his clothed shoulder. Taehyung could feel a sense of anger pooling in his stomach as he adjusted his spot, “is that your business?” he retaliated with a daring glance, his mother’s slim slits narrowed towards him.

“You’re my son, I have somewhat a right to know your future wife. See if she’s eligible for my title” His mother gripped his shoulder with an intense rub, rolling his shoulders as she dug her sharp venomous nails into him. Taehyung stood abruptly, glancing down at his spilt wine as he hissed out his answer “She’s much more eligible then you ever were”

His mother laughed in mockery, hands resting on her filtered hips with a saddened pout “Don’t be such a bully son, I’m sure she’s a wonderful girl. If I find out that she isn’t how you portray her then Cerberus it is for her” his mother claimed awfully, Cerberus was their hell hound. They often fed it the spirits of the dead and this claim brought an relinquished fire to his mind.

Taehyungs hands fired up in rage and his breathing leveled in anger “I’m sure she will be a good meal, I recall you saying she had a plump figure to your father. Maybe it’ll take two of our hell hounds to down such a being” she pressed further with a hysteric laugh, her leisured steps clanked against the polished floor of the castle’s ballroom.

“If you ever touch her in a way that harms a single hair on her body, I’ll feed you to Cerberus myself” Taehyungs demon fired in rage as his height grew and his black horns stretch through his messy locks. His black wings snapped harshly from his toned back with a ridiculing pair of sharp canines growing “Now, now little one. I was just messing around with you” She giggled confidently, rolling her eyes framed with heavy thick lashes and a set of black shadow “Taehyung! What are you doing?” His father shouted, slicking his hair back with his dirty hands.

Taehyungs mother desperately released tears, her hands clamming together “He was going to hurt me” she cried, Hades looked to his woman boredly already growing tired with her antics once more “Yoon, leave him alone.” he demanded deeply, Yoon halted her steps with a slight tsk in her tone as she stomped the other way stealing a drink from one of the maids standing nearby as she witnessed the overprotective sense of the young demon.

“Did you give her the dress? How did she react?” his father asked excitedly, his canines showing slightly as his smile widened with a slight hopeful gleam in his wide eyes, Taehyung bit his lip peering down at his father “She loved it” came his reply. Taehyung ran a hand through his shining hair with a sigh “Listen, yoon will not touch her. I understand her past reactions to threats but I assure you I want to make this as good as I can. It’s not every day I meet someone my son fancies”

Hades wasn’t all too bad. He was a rather kind man with devilish traits, most worried more for the woman at his side for she was the threatening one and dare you ever pass her. Death is your only answer to her petty tantrums “I’ll kill her before she even gets the chance” Taehyung growled, Hades was taken aback with his son’s tone.

A smile graced his lips as he pets his son’s shoulders “We’ll see, now. Clear out so the maids can shimmer this place up, you have deals to attend.”

………………………………………………………

“You have got to be shitting me, you don’t like banana milk” Jungkook gasped dramatically, you thought since he was the only demigod you knew you paid him a small visit, although it was hard to reach him you polled your legs into the scary tides of his ocean, hands shaking in fear before you were pulled back by a pair of strong hands.

“You’re such a dumb ass” He growled sincerely, and that’s how you found yourself at a food shack. Jungkook was lying on one of the chairs, he knew the owners and surprisingly they knew of his title being of that world themselves “No, I’m sorry but it’s too sweet” you laughed upon his disgusted glare.

“I can’t believe you, come on. Try it” You shook your head a bit, Jungkook was laughing at your reaction. Noticing the necklace resting on your chest “Did Tae give that to you?” he asked, leaning forward to inspect the silvery chain and pendant, his hot breath meeting your chest as you jolted away accidentally grabbing his head on your way from the chair.

“Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry” you apologized, Jungkook rubbed his head sorely, the owners giggled pointing your way “first your try drowning yourself then you smack me against the table, way to say thank you” He grumbled sassily under his breath.

Your over sized jacket was stained by his banana milk, “I still hate it though” I grumbled back glaring up at him with a restrained smile “It’s okay banana milk, don’t listen to her” he cooed dreamily towards the small carton of yellow substance. You snarled at him with a hiss “why do you think he gave it to me?” you asked, you seemed to be asking people a lot these days and if this was how it was going to be every minute you wanted out.

“He has one similar to that” Jungkook replied staring intensively behind you, his reply caught you off guard taking a quick glance to your necklace. It was old fashioned but big enough to fit a photo in there. Shaking off the obvious curiosity you followed his gaze “who’s that?” you voiced a little too loudly earning a hiss of disappointment and a callous smack from Jungkook.

The woman he rested his eyes on was beautiful, a little older then most here but she had youthful skin “My mom” He muttered sadly, you snapped your head his way watching his saddened face “we don’t speak of her, she has amnesia. My father always told me she hit her head on a rock and it was for the best but we all know he made her forget” Jungkook expressed taking a long sip from his drink.

“I see where you get your looks from” Jungkook rolled his eyes “Yeah, well at least I don’t look like a fish” you burst out into laughter taking one last look at the woman, her long brunette hair reached her bottom with a pair of brown flashy eyes. She was short and petite so he obviously inherited his height from his father and strength must just be a plus for all the demigods.

She seemed familiar in a sense of comfort, but you shook it off as interest.

“A fish?” you piqued in curiosity, Jungkook replied “It’s not unfamiliar to anyone but my dad has had many children I’m still not aware of but one of them I do is. Well, she kinda turned out like a fish” He seemed to hate the girl but he was content with his suppressed answer.

“You would still be cute with a fin and tail, admit it. You secretly want one” I snapped, barking in laughter “me, never” He sarcastically replied, “You should get going, one thing I know about my uncle is that he doesn’t like people who aren’t punctual.” Jungkook expressed, you nodded standing from your place as you gave him a tight hug “Thanks, I needed your company.” I said Jungkook was wide in shock hearing that. His hands slowly making their way around my shoulders with a hesitant embrace.

“Wait” He shouted, I stopped in my tracks pivoting to face him. He pulled out a spray from his bag before coating me in the toxic substance “if my cousin smells me on you then your in for one hell of a shit storm and that won’t even be the worst. Even though he can’t cross the water he’ll surely find a way to strangle me” Jungkook expressed with worry laced in his tone.

“C’mon he can’t be that bad” you laughed only for Jungkook to peek at you from beneath his brown locks with a disaster look in his eyes “oh” you muttered letting his toxicities embrace every inch of your body.

“Now, so long” he pushed you towards the door with a sarcastic wave, you flipped him off only to receive a strong push of his lips.

You just hoped the perfume worked…..

.................................

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redisriding · 3 years

Note

Tell us about yourself!

Yikes! So I didn't really know where to begin with this one, Well I was born on the banks of the river... Nah! So I googled “fun get to know me questions” and the resulting questionnaire had 371 questions. I decided to answer the first 100!

Strap yourself in, because HERE WE GO!

1. What is your full name?

Red is Riding ;)

2. What does your name mean?

Funny story, so I actually created this alias to partake in some underground hedonistic activities. When I went to start my Tumblr I just decided to use the same one because I’m not very creative and didn’t want to make up a new one. I never thought that this blog would become as popular as it has, and now I couldn’t be bothered changing the name. It does make me laugh though, if only you people knew what I used to get up to under this alias.

3. Are you named after anyone?

Little Red Riding Hood?

4. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?

I don’t think so, but maybe someone smarter than me could figure it out.

5. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

I would probably change my real first name if I could as unfortunately I share it with a reasonably well known facist.

6. Where are you from?

A small European country.

7. Where were you born?

In the capital city of that small European country.

8. Where did you grow up?

In the suburbs of the capital of that small European country.

9. Who did you look like growing up?

A member of the band Hanson, if they had red hair and wore those terrible 2000’s wire rimmed glasses.

10.What are your best characteristics?

Oh gosh, isn’t it embarrassing to talk about your good traits? Especially when the way you see yourself is often so different from the way others see you.

11.What are your favorite things about yourself?

Honestly, I’ve great boobs.

12.Which of your parents are you closest to?

Depends on my mood.

13.Which of your parents are you more like?

I think physically I’m more like my mother, but my character is closer to my father.

14.Are your grandparents still married?

Yep, on one side. On the other side my grandad is dead and has been for a very long time.

15.What relative was important to you growing up & why?

I guess my grandparents, they are the only members of the extended family I ever really saw growing up. I was never close to my uncles, and my aunts and cousins all live in different countries.

16.What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents?

Anything about my love life, we just don’t talk about it. Ever!

17.What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

I’m actually not sure. I know they had lots of other traditionally female names picked out, but I don’t know any male names they had for me. I’m not sure if they knew early on if I was going to be a girl, would make sense though.

18.What do you call your grandparents?

I call one of my grandmother’s by her first name, and my grandad, grandad.

19.What is your best physical feature?

My boobs!…I have pretty eyes too.

20.What is your biggest accomplishment?

Probably getting into University and graduating top of my class.

21.What is your biggest fear?

Having all my joints simultaneously dislocate.

22.What is your biggest regret?

The way I’ve treated certain people over the years.

23.What is your eye colour?

Blue.

24.What inspires you?

Hope that tomorrow can be better.

25.What is the most important thing in your life?

My family, and my future.

26.What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?

Hummm, I’m really not sure about this one.

27.Who is your favourite actor?

I truly could not name a single actor.

28.Who is your favourite actress?

As above.

29.Who is your favourite celebrity?

I genuinely have no idea.

30.Who is your favourite musician?

Lorde has been getting me through this quarantine, but my favourite singer/band is/are Florence + the Machine. Maybe that dates me.

31.Who’s your favourite person in the world?

I can’t choose just one!

32.What is your favourite childhood memory?

I’m very lucky, I had a really marvellous childhood. I guess I have some great memories of playing with my brother as a child, but I’m not sure I have a favourite memory.

33.What is your favourite colour?

Teal.

34.What is your favourite cultural activity?

I love going to the theatre.

35.What is your favourite drink?

Water is the thing I drink most often. I don’t like tea or coffee, and I only drink alcohol in social settings not alone of an evening.

36.What is your favourite fairytale?

I’m actually not sure. I know it’s not quite the same but I was never allowed to watch the Disney princess films growing up (a lot of which are based on fairytales) so I can’t say I am particularly attached on any. Although, in answering this question I have remembered by blog name so I probably should say Little Red Riding Hood.

37.What is your favourite food?

Potatoes, they are so wonderfully versatile, I will never get bored eating them.

38.What is your favourite holiday destination?

There is so much of the world I have not yet seen and I cannot wait until we’re allowed to travel again. The last big trip I was on was to Canada, Vancouver, and it was amazing.

39.What is your favourite ice-cream flavour?

Ice cream does not agree with me at all, I always thought I was lactose intolerant because of it (I’m not), but I did love a pistachio ice cream as a kid.

40.What is your favourite music genre?

According to Spotify my most listened to genre is “alternative” whatever that means.

41.What is your favourite physical activity?

Hiking.

42.What is your favourite quote?

I don’t believe I have one. I do know someone who has “live laugh love” tattooed on their foot. Take from that what you will.

43.What is your favourite snack?

Tbh I don't really snack (am I coming across as awfully boring in these questions?) I love three big meals a day. I will eat an apple or something if I need something pre dinner.

44.What is your favourite song?

Either Fascination by Alphabeat, Prayer in C by Lily Wood and the Prick, and Robin Schulz, or Brimful of Asha by Cornershop, the Fat Boy Slim Remix. Those songs never fail to put me in a good mood when I need it.

45.What is your favourite sport?

To watch? Rugby. But I am OBSESSED with the Olympics, especially the winter olympics.

46.What is your favourite time of the day?

Early evening.

47.What is your favourite type of clothing?

Dresses…with pockets! Or jumpers, I love a big wooly jumper.

48.What is your favourite way to pass time?

Read.

49.What is the name of your favourite restaurant?

My favourite restaurant is called Dishoom, but unfortunately it has yet to make it to my little European country, so it’s a real treat if I get to eat there.

50.What is your all-time favourite town or city? Why?

I don’t have one.

51.What is your favourite candle scent?

Probably a classic vanilla, but not an overpowering one. The vanilla candle from IKEA is the NICEST.

52.What is your favourite social media channel?

Probably Twitter, although Tumblr is my place for escape.

53.Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest?

Ugh I hate being the one to choose where we go. I think it’s because I’m a Libra.

54.What was your favourite subject in High School?

Okay now this is a fun fact, I didn’t actually go to school. I was “Home Educated” which is ideologically different form being Home Schooled. There was no curriculum for me to follow so I could basically dick about doing whatever I wanted during the day. I did study Law which I really enjoyed, and I went onto study it at University.

55.What was your least favourite subject in High School?

Again see above. Although I do remember crying every time my father tried to teach me maths. To this day, I’m still not sure how to work out a percentage, let alone anything more advanced than that.

56.What was your favourite TV show when you were a child?

Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the Melissa Joan Heart version) or anything with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in it (have I dated myself again?)

57.What do you love about your favourite TV Show?

They were fun. I wanted to be them!

58.Are you scared of heights?

Nope, but I’m scared of falling and shattering all the bones in my legs.

59.Are you high maintenance?

Definitely not.

60.Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?

I don’t know what this means, but fuck imperialism.

61.Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?

Ugh, I hate conflict, like I go all trembly, but if there is something amiss I can’t not confront it.

62.Are you a dog person or cat person?

I really adore animals, I had hoped to get a cat during this long and lonely lockdown but my landlord wasn’t keen. If I had more time and space I would love to get a dog, it’s just not feasible in my life at the moment.

63.Are you a fan of any sports team?

Just my national team no matter what the sport.

64.Are you a good cook?

I like to think so.

65.Are you an early adopter or late-adopter?

Depends. I don’t always love change.

66.If you had more courage what would you do differently in your life now?

I don’t think having more courage would change anything in my life right now.

67.What is good about how you are living your life right now?

Oh gosh, I’m so incredibly lucky to have the like that I am living right now. Truly blessed, but at the same time, I have got here because of all my hard work and determination.

68.If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?

I’m not sure if this strictly answers the question, but I wish I could be kinder and more sympathetic to people. I can be harsh on people I care about because I want to see them do well in life and get frustrated when they are doing things that so obviously curtails their ability. I’ve lost friends because of it.

69.Who has left the most impact on your life?

I don’t think I can name just one person.

70.What aspect of your life needs tremendous improvement?

My love life. It’s not existent. Truly. I don’t even have a far away crush on anyone at the moment. I desperately want to experience romantic love, but it’s scary and you have to allow yourself to be soft and vulnerable which is not something that I am very good at. I also have a lot of negative thoughts/self doubts about whether I am good enough to be in a relationship, or worthy enough for love. It’s stupid, obviously, everyone, flaws and all is worthy of love, but because of things that have happened/been said to me I do kind of have this negative chatter of “who could ever love me” or fear people thinking “god love the poor guy who ends up with her.” All that said, I have never actually met anyone who I’ve really liked, let alone anyone who has liked me back. The closest I’ve got, is I’ve been in lust twice in my life with guys, who objectively speaking, I would never think I would be attracted to.

71.What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in your life?

I’ve see a lot of weird things tbh, but the first one that springs to mind is that every year we used to go to these big gatherings of families who home educate their children. Now, there are two groups of people that tend to home educate their children 1) EXTREMELY religious families who don’t want their children going to secular schools, and 2) new age hippies who don’t want their children to have to conform to the rigours of school. When these two groups meet…it is interesting. The religious families usually have a lot of children (10+ in many cases), while the hippy families wander around semi-nude and breast feed their children until their grown (7+ years in many cases). So at these home education conferences, the hippy parents would be wandering around, leaky boobs out, and the religious babies would be wandering around because their parents have too many children to keep track of. Whenever one of these babies wandered within range of the hippy parents, they’d take them, and latch them onto their breasts. Absolutely bizarre stuff.

72.Who is the best teacher you’ve ever had?

Myself.

73.Who is the biggest pack rat you know?

I don’t know what this means.

74.Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens?

If it’s a big enough deal to call someone, I’ll call my parents, but usually if something exciting happens I’ll just message my friend group.

75.Who is the first person you call when something horrible happens?

Same as above.

76.Who is the worst boss you’ve ever had?

I had to sue her to get her and her husband to pay me for the work I did.

77.Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?

Yep? Can you not?

78.Can you do a split?

No, but I want to learn! I have really tight hamstrings so that would be good to stretch them.

79.Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No. Can you?

80.Can you whistle?

Yeah.

81.Can you dance?

Everyone can dance, the question is whether you can dance well or not! I have no rhythm or style, but get me on a dance floor and I’ll bop my socks off.

82.Do you remember your dreams?

Sometimes.

83.Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?

I save them for a while, but I’m not overly sentimental.

84.Do you sing in the shower?

Never.

85.Do you sleep with the lights on or off?

Off.

86.Do you spell the colour as grey or gray?

Grey you weirdo!

87.Do you take any pills or medication daily?

Never.

88.Do you prefer kissing or cuddling?

I like kissing because it’s hot and fiery and I think I’m reasonably good at it. Cuddling is the best but it’s something I struggle with as I find it far too intimate. See my answer to Q70.

89.Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?

Hit me between the eyeballs with the truth, please! I just like people who are clear and direct about their intentions, it means everyone knows where they stand.

90.Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

I saw a black and white documentary about the Titanic when I was a very small child (maybe about 5 or 6) and for a long time I thought that was the movie Titanic! I have seen neither the real film Titanic nor the Notebook, although from what I know of the latter I don’t think it would be my thing.

91.Do you have a catchphrase?

I don’t think so, but maybe people in my life would be better at answering this question. What is it that I say a lot?

92.Do you have a garden?

I wish!

93.Do you have a hidden dream that you’ve never shared with anyone?

I’m taking this to mean a goal or aspiration, and not something that I have subconsciously dreamed and been too embarrassed to share? I would love to write a book one day. I’m work on something periodically but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from it, a gal can dream though!

94.Do you have a tattoo?

None! I’m kind of a commitment-phobe, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed?

95.Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?

Both! I know lots of people in passing, but the people I consider actual friends, who know what is going on in my life at any given time, I could count on my fingers.

96.Do you have any allergies?

Not that I’m aware of…

97.Do you have any birthmarks? If so, where?

I used to have one on my back, but it’s faded as I’ve aged.

98.Do you have pets?

Not at the moment.

99.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?

That is a big question. I think however, if there was a guarantee, that sacrificing my life would make the lives of others immeasurably better, I would be scarified. I have plenty of convictions that I’m willing to protest/riot/go to prison for.

100.Do you carry a donor card?

Bit ominous after Q99 but yes I do, and my driver’s licence states that I’m a donor.

I’m not sure if this is at all what you were hoping for in asking this, but I honestly had the best fun answering these questions! :)

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goldeneyedgirl · 4 years

Text

the fic that does not exist

What you are about to read was the first Twilight fic I posted. In all honesty, I deleted it two weeks after posting it and repurposed it for my degree into a 21,000 word novella that I’m still trying to turn into a decent YA book because, frankly, it has potential and I want to.

But gosh, do I love the original version because I can see exactly where it was supposed to go and it remains one of the best things I’ve written. Because it turned into something that got me my degree. A precursor to how I approached Shadow to Light. To Alice always been a tiny bit bonkers in my fic.

It will never be reposted on AO3 or FF.net. What is posted below is probably 75% of the original. Some parts/lines were removed but nothing that affects the plot. There is a 50/50 chance I may delete this in the future.

But yeah, from circa 2015 (what the absolute fuck, I’ve been at this for five years?!), have “R”.

It begins on a Wednesday. She runs out the front door, in bare feet and a nightdress that is too short, and she keeps running until she reaches Dr Cullen's house.

("It's Aro, Carlisle. We need to find the others, we can fix this.")

Dr Cullen brings her inside and Mrs Cullen gives her a glass of orange juice. They ask her a lot of questions, and she trusts them until the paramedics come to the door and she drops the glass, cutting foot badly and she hopes she bled all over Mrs Cullen's ugly rug.

(She doesn't scream or cry in the ambulance. She answers their questions politely, and apologises for getting blood on the gurney.)

She is put in a tiny cubicle to wait, a nurse cleaning and bandaging her cut foot. She asks for a glass of water the nurse never brings. And then, he's there. Too-long blonde hair, stooped stance, too thin and hollow looking, the circles under his eyes darker than his eyes.

("Jasper," she whispers. He doesn't hear her. He does when she calls out to him, and tries to leave the cubicle. She starts to scream for him when the nurses appear out of nowhere, and hold her down, slide the syringe into her and even as she's crying for him to save her, her world is turning white and quiet. And when she wakes up, she can't quite remember the name on her tongue, the face blurred in her memory.)

Her mother unlocks the door sometime after two, and carries in a tray. Milk, a sandwich and dozens of tiny round pills.

"It's time to eat," her mother says simply, placing the tray on her desk.

She watches her mother fuss around her room, making the bed, gathering the laundry. Doing her duty, and nothing more. There is never an explanation, never comfort.

Just obligation.

Her mother hates the way she stares, with her eyes too big and too knowing. She always thought a mother's love was infinite, eternal and complete. Now she has found the well tapped barren and dry, and she finds it difficult to grieve for that.

When she thinks of a mother, it is not this sour woman who pins her like a butterfly with shame and pity and resentment. No, the mother she images has laughing eyes and hair the colour of caramel. A woman who fixes, soothes, comforts and loves. Who smells of summer herbs and fresh linen, and a laugh like bells.

There's so little to do, now everything has been taken from her. Instead, she sinks into her tiny garden, gathering the pots around her until she can pretend, the scent of herbs thrown into the air, and she watches through the railings. She sees a lot. She sees Miss Hale stealing kisses from the McCarty boy, but turns him away in front of witnesses.

(It upsets and frustrates her, more than she can explain. She watches Miss Hale go out in expensive dresses with men too old for her, watches the dark cars pull up out the front of the prim and proper Hale residence. And every night, she waits. Waits for Miss Hale to get home safe, always waiting and listening for any cry for help.)

The McCarty boy sees her watching, and waves to her every time, with a cheerful grin and a wink. She waves back and blows a playful kiss when she knows Miss Hale is watching.

(She hasn't found her prince; she doesn't get much of a chance to look for him, locked away in her tower. But until she finds him, the McCarty boy could be her knight and rescue her, in a pinch.)

Her dreams are nonsensical, fragments of something larger that she doesn’t know how to decipher.

She dreams of running like the wind, of laughter and happiness. Of her hand clasped around another, but she cannot glimpse a face. Just a presence that anchors her.

She dreams of her hand slipping free and she stumbles, falling an impossible distance. Then there is mud and smoke and blood, and she is screaming hoarsely. She scrambles to her feet, and it is hard to run, the plants and mud tangling her feet. Under the smoke, she smells decay and mud. And she is trapped in her own grave, the darkness a weight upon her.

The smells from her dreams – of blood and smoke – hang heavily in the room when she jerks away from those haunting visions, enough that she thinks she can actually smell them. It’s just her imagination, she tells herself, but in the darkness of her bedroom, with the full moon hanging in the sky, it’s hard to believe it. That the stench isn’t there, blurring the lines of nightmares and memories.

She sneaks out during the summer fair, in a dress that is too long, and she didn't realise how much she has faded away, as she knots the straps tighter. The night is warm, and really, no one is going to notice her.

The fairy lights are woven through the trees, and music is playing softly. Laughter, chatter, fills the park, and it is magical. She wants to live in this moment forever.

He finds her sitting on the front steps of the library, peeling rind from the orange, her tongue catching the droplets of juice, her eyes closed in enjoyment. She is magnificent, with the ribbon in her hair, the oversized dress. She is gaunt, pale, like a tiny ghost and he is entranced and he doesn't know why.

(She welcomes him with a smile; he tastes like cigarettes and stewed coffee, she tastes like oranges and something bitter. Hands slide into pants, under skirts, and for her, it is salvation. For him, it is a drop of water in the middle of a desert. Gone all too soon and never again reclaimed.)

He buys her a blue paper flower that she tucks behind her ear, and she traces her fingers over his track marks so lovingly, he is surprised that they don't fade away.

Dr Cullen is kind to her, but her outburst so many months ago is still fresh in his mind, she can tell. He touches her gingerly, pity in his gaze at the black and blue shadows over her limbs.

(He sees finger prints colouring her hips, from her sweet, lovely prince the night of the summer festival. She wears them with honour, and she meets the good doctor's surprised glance with a cheeky smile.)

After the shot, the world is soft and her mother speaks to Dr Cullen, their words a dull hum. Nothing will change, nothing ever does. She will be returned to her tower, to sleep and pills and watching, for another twenty-seven days, until she is brought back to Dr Cullen.

She has one magnificent nightmare, where she is the princess at a ball, safe in the arms of the prince. But then there is nothing but blood, ghosts with scarlet eyes, her sweet tower a darkened dungeon, and bodies, oh the bodies. Of her beloved prince, her sweet knight, the ones that she watches over. Bodies split like overripe fruit, splayed open like butchered meat.

She screams until she wakes, her throat hoarse and raw and on fire, her mother waiting for her in the shadows, to send her back to the dungeons, the red-eyed monsters and the ocean of blood in weeping silence.

Sleep isn't coming, even with the pills on her tongue, with only water lining her stomach. She gives herself a paper cut and watches the bead of blood well up on her pale finger, and it is obscene and unexpected, and she watches it roll down her finger, over her knuckle with parted lips.

When she can dredge up enough energy, she writes a list. Of names, of people whose faces in her memory are hazy and indistinct. Of things that might have happened and things that did happen, but somewhere else. Of things she cannot allow herself to forget, even as the memories and details fall through her fingers.

Everything is blurring together, and she cannot put it right. She stitches memories together with justifications and logic, but their edges are still uneven, ill-fitting. Nothing is truly wrong – unless you count the crazy girl locked in a tower – but it isn’t right either.

Faces tumble through her memory, but she cannot remember the things she was supposed to never ever forget.

She leaps, leaps to freedom with a paper flower in her hair. It is better than flying. She leaps without regret, with sheer determination and the knowledge that there is nothing left for her in this place.

(The pills are bitter, the tower is quiet. Her hair floats loose around her face, not long, but no longer short. She didn't regret the loss of Mary-Alice in 1919, she doesn't mourn her now.)

The ground is hard, harder than she ever imagined. And she is just a doll of porcelain, already cracked at the seams. She shatters perfectly, the flower tumbling from her hair.

They bury her on a Friday, and it rains. A modest gathering of associated people in black, over an open grave, the only words that are offered are from a man that knows nothing more about Alice than a long illness that curdled her brain and sapped her body.

(Rosalie Hale came home at dawn with a torn dress and haunted eyes, but only screamed at the sight of the broken girl underneath the old oak tree. Emmett McCarty came running, and wept for the sweet dead girl who hid behind the railings and watched; for the necklace of bruises around Rosalie's pale throat. For a sense of utter wrongness he cannot put into words.)

A boy with dead eyes and thin arms waits at the back of the group, clutching a single orange and a bunch of flowers. He stares at the hole in the ground, saying nothing, but leaves his offerings on the fresh dirt with a reverence for something much greater than a sick girl. He is resigned to hopelessness that his salvation has gone, and all that lingers is the memory of enormous blue eyes and a sweet touch.

(Jasper Whitlock pushes aside the roses from the Cullens, the sunflowers from the Masens, the lilies from the Swans and nestles the orange in the dirt. His flowers were plucked from a garden, snow-white daisies and tiny blue flowers he cannot name - Forget-Me-Nots that will outlive anything else left behind.)

Her mother studies the grave sternly, smoothing down the hair of her younger daughter, and accepts the sympathies graciously. Her own pink carnations are already drooping over the headstone, as if they recognize her apathy to her child's fate.

(Emmett McCarty brings three bright yellow tulips in shaking hands. He tried, tried so hard to bring her back, even as his hands felt the sharp edges of bone under cold flesh. It was him that peeled the torn piece of paper from her hand, expecting a suicide note, her final words, but the curling handwriting offers not an explanation but two words 'Aro. Volturi.' And those are words that send a spike of fear through him and he doesn't know why. The note is still in his jeans' pocket and he doesn't know whom to tell.)

The rain turns the cemetery to mud and people begin to leave, petals dragged from stems with the ferocity. By winter, her grave will blend in with the rest, grass having grown over the dirt. Her family will leave her to her quiet sleep. It will be only a shattered girl, a broken prince and a confused knight that keep vigil at her grave.

(Esme Cullen buys pink roses and tries not to cry as she sits alone in her car. She truly doesn't know why, but there is something else there, just under the surface that she cannot quite decipher, that leaves her sobbing for the girl that saw no other way out than throwing herself from her tower, and all that Esme can do is offer pink roses and regret.)

She opens her eyes. And she screams.

(There is no more fear; just purest rage, sharpest anger. She will have her retribution and it will be sweet.)

#the fic that does not exist #nope #text-based mass hallucinations #hah #hallucinations #relevent #establishing my extensive efforts as team get jasper laid #there's actually like five fics with variations on this theme #ahh #hyperfixations #i think it's variation two where human!alice and human!maria both remember everything and alice beats the everloving shit out of her #in a denny's parking lot #look i had to file 189 unnamed documents today my brain is shot

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mightyhemsworthy · 5 years

Text

DINNER & DIATRIBES (John Wick x Reader)

Summary: You were part of the High Table. You could say that you enjoyed it, but that would be a lie. A big lie. Your life was not easy thanks to your father. However, when a stranger shows up suddenly everything starts to change.

Word count: almost 6K.

Inspired by: Hozier's song.

Author's note: I really wanted to write something happy and just smutty. I really tried but here I am. Yet with a depressed, dark, and passionate fanfiction. Sorry for this. Pls, forgive me. Also, this fic went downhill pretty quickly lol.

Author’s note 2: this is my first ever posted smut. (I’ve written several before, but this is my first time posting it so be gentle, lol.) Please keep in mind that English is not my native language so I’m really sorry for any kind of mistakes. I would be glad if I could read your suggestions or comments about my story! Thank you in advance! <3

Warnings: enemies to lovers?, porn without a plot?, abuse (not detailed, just mentioned), shy, suppressed reader, soft dom!John, dirty smut. Please go away if your underage, I mean it.

___

"I knew it from the first look of

The look of mischief in your eyes"

You hated these kinds of evenings. You hated the High Table with your full heart, even though your father was one of them. You wanted nothing more but to destroy them but that would be slightly impossible. All you could do now is to clench your teeth, fake a smile, chatter and laugh at everyone’s silly jokes.

Gosh. You hated these people.

These kinds of evenings went on and on until a new guy came to the circle. It was John Wick. You heard stories and legends about him, but it did not attract you at all. However, when you saw him your breath was taken away. He looked so elegant and the fact that he swayed in the crowd without giving any attention to everyone, even though basically every single person was looking at his direction, made him even more attractive.

You took a glass of champagne from a waiter near you and turned away as you took a sip. Gosh, this was the last thing you needed. But another person did not matter anymore. As a daughter of a criminal, your job was to entertain the guests. Basically, at all cost. If you did not obey, or just your father sensed that you want to resist, he punished you. And let's just say, a slap was one of the least bad punishments.

As you turned back, you took another glass of champagne from the waiter and you started to walk towards John. He looked at you shortly.

"Mr. Wick..." you started but he passed by, without looking at you.

"Don't." was all he said while he continued to walk towards your dad.

You sighed. What an asshole, just like everyone else in here. – At least, this was your first impression of him.

When you arrived home, you were afraid that you managed to screw up the evening for your father, but he was in a particularly good mood.

"Y/N.," he said before you could go to your room. You froze on your spot, afraid to turn around, dreading what will wait for you. But you did. You had to. You always did.

"Yes, father?" you tried to ask nicely, even forcing a smile on you.

"We were great tonight," he started, tilting his head a little bit to the side as if he saw the evening happening all over him again. "I managed to make a deal with John Wick." he continued and by saying only his name your heart started to beat faster. You could feel it pumping against your ribcage.

"That's amazing," you started. "I'm really happy for you." at this point, you were great at lying. He could not even sense it.

"Thank you, dear," he said, taking a step closer to you. At that exact moment, you stepped back, your backside pushed against the door of your room. It was an involuntary movement but fortunately, he did not notice. He did not notice how much you were disgusted by him and how much you despised him. He only cared about himself. "John Wick will come over tomorrow, so we're throwing a big dinner. Just the three of us." he smiled, you could say that it was sincere, but nothing could convince you at this point.

"All right, I'll do my best," you answered and quickly slipped to your room, where you immediately locked it so he could not follow you. Luckily, he did not. You really hoped that he won't do anything bad to you. You always hoped that he would change, change for you but that never happened. You slid down to the floor, trying to suppress the crying and sobbing which bubbled from your throat.

You wanted to end this. You wanted to end your suffering.

You looked at yourself in the mirror. Well, the last evening’s crying did not do you any justice. But you could camouflage that with makeup, as well as camouflaging some bruises, which you always did. You tried to brighten up your eyes using a concealer, making a subtle eye look, perfecting it with mascara and using red lipstick. Your favorite. It gave you the femme fatale look, even though you felt the opposite. Fake it, till you make it. Right?

When you went to the dining room, John was already there. He looked at you, kind of surprised to see you there. You looked away from him, but you could feel his gaze lingering on you as you took your seat. His hand covered his mouth, his fingers slowly caressing his stubble as he looked back to your father across the table.

"Ahh John, this is my daughter, Y/N.," your father said, gesticulating towards you. He pretended that he just realized that you were there, but you knew you messed up. You were late, but making your makeup actually took longer than you anticipated. You looked back at John. He was breathtaking up close, but you tried to suppress those emotions which were building up inside of you. You hated his allies and you wanted to hate them. John Wick could not be an exception.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Wick" the sentence rolled out of your tongue without an effort.

"Likewise," he said curtly. Well, he wasn't a man of words.

The rest of the night went by quite seamlessly. They talked about work, but you did not pay any attention. You were just eating and drinking vine. More than you were supposed to. You did not want to say anything bad and you hoped you wouldn't, but you just couldn't resist the warm and relaxing embrace of the liquid. Your father went out to arrange the desserts as well as bringing another substance into the room to drink with John.

After a few minutes of silence and staring, John started.

"So..."

"Don't." you interrupted him. You could swear that you saw his eyes lit up, but this emotion disappeared quickly. He was great at keeping a poker face, it was impossible to read off anything of him. You could learn a lot of things from him.

"Okay, then." was all he answered intertwining his hands, smirking, waiting for your father to come back. You took another sip of the vine, trying to suppress a smile. An indescribable emotion filled your chest. Maybe, it was time to finally resist. To do something different than before. And maybe this time you could win.

Dinners and dinners went by in the following few weeks and months. You saw John quiet frequently, but nothing really happened besides looking "angrily" at each other. The two of you did not even talk. However, actions speak louder than words. At least, as they say.

Your father's voice broke your trance that you were in. He was looking at you, fury already building up inside of him. You were supposed to answer something.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening," you said honestly, but you could see your father's fist grabbing at the cutlery harder than before. John could sense it too, even though he did not show it.

"So, Y/N..." he started again. "What do you think about my latest investment?" he asked dearly.

"Why do you care about my opinion now?" you did not even realize what you said after you uttered it. Your father punched the table, the glasses ringing against each other causing a sour melody.

"John, forgive us for a moment." your father said, looking at you. You did not have any choice, you stood up and followed your father outside of the room. When the two of you were a little bit away, suddenly, he slapped you. It took a few seconds to realize the burning sensation on your cheeks.

"Get the hell out of here, I don't want to see you," he said, pointing towards you, holding himself back to sound professional even if John was listening.

"I feel the same about you" it was hard to quiet your voice as you became really angry. You did not even care about his opinion any more or making favors for him. And you did not even know where this bravery was coming from.

You shrugged as he was about to hit you again.

"Y/F/N" John raised his voice, making your father stop his movements. When you looked at John, he was furious. He was totally different from your earlier conversation at the table. This look was more like the Baba Yaga they used to praise. You sent a grateful look towards him. You could swear his shoulders loosened up as he was looking at you. A silent agreement went between the two of you.

"I think it's time to go," John said ambiguously, and the attitude of your father changed immediately.

"Oh no, John…" he said, rushing towards him. "We're just getting started." John looked at you one more time, some expression on his face which you could not read. He turned towards your father, grabbing him by his shoulders.

"Okay, let's talk," John said with his dangerously low voice. You took this time to slip to your room, packing everything you could into a bag. This was your chance to get away.

A few hours later you heard a knock on your door. It was low and quiet, but you still heard it. And it was different from your father's knock, so you opened the door. John was standing there, his tame hair framing his face. He was much calmer than before. He was holding a black bag, which he gave to you. You looked him with questioning eyes, but you took it nonetheless. When you opened it, you could see a lot of money in it.

"I cannot take it." you wanted to give it back, but he lightly grabbed your wrist. His touch was firm but soft. So much different which you used to experience before.

"It's yours." he said softly. "Your father gave it to you so graciously." he almost spat out the last words which started to frighten you. "You are free to go." But with this sentence, you knew that John Wick could never hurt you. He would never do those things to you which your father did. And actually, this was the most liberating thing anyone could say to you. Sudden tears started to blurry your vision, without thinking twice you hugged him. It was quick and kind of awkward, as you were not use to human touch and you could see that he wasn't used to it either. Maybe, it was time to change this. For both of you.

You let him go, so you could grab your stuff from your bed.

"Let's get out of here."

* 1 YEAR LATER *

A lot can change in one year. You could never forget John Wick's name. And not because of those frightful legends, but because he was your hero. Not many people can actually say this about John Wick.

With the money he gave you, you could start a new life. So, you did. You moved into a new city, making friends, currently renting an apartment with one of them. You even started working. You could start fresh and clean. And this was something that you were utterly grateful for.

Most of all, you even started taking self-defense lessons. You wanted to protect yourself and you never wanted to feel as weak as you did with your father.

Now, you finally became the femme fatale that you were hoping for.

You were changing to your night shift at the restaurant when your friend walked into.

"Gosh, that man outside… is just daddy." you started to laugh. It always impressed you how straight forward she was with her desires and thoughts.

"What man?" you asked, peeking towards the door to get a look at him. She was standing beside you, pointing towards him. And that is when your world turned upside down again. It was John. You haven't seen him since the incident but wow… he truly looked better than ever. Your friend realized your reaction.

"YOU KNOW HIM." she squealed and that is when you pulled her from the door before anyone could see you.

"Keep your voice down." you started to whisper. "Yes, I knew him. He is my father's… friend." it was always better to lie than telling the truth about your father and his relationships. And you were sure that John Wick and your father was not even friends anymore, but this was the most you could manage out of yourself after the shock of seeing him for the first time after such a long time.

"Go get his orders," she started. You rolled your eyes, but you went out towards his table anyway. That is when he looked up at you. He was quite shocked, to say the least, but he managed to hide his emotions after a few seconds. Like he always did. He was alone, but you were sure that won't last long.

"Good evening, Mr. Wick," you said cockily. "Welcome to Continental's restaurant. How may I help you?" you questioned him.

He did not hold himself back.

"What are you doing here, Y/N?" he tried to keep his voice down.

"Why?" you looked back at him, scared at his expression. He could read you like an open book, so his body loosened up and he had an apologetical look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Y/N" he started. "But this is the criminal's cover place. I thought you knew that." you could not believe what he was saying. So, you supported criminals for the whole time since you got here? You could not believe it…. but now, thinking about it you should have known. This place pays too well to be just an ordinary restaurant. However, before you could react, his partner arrived. And she was… beautiful. You felt sudden jealousy in your stomach, but you tried not to think about it. She started her orders without looking at you and swayed her hands when she was done. You hated people like this, but you got her order anyway and disappeared back to the kitchen.

You tried to avoid their table throughout the whole evening and convinced your friend to deliver their orders. In this way, the night passed quickly, leaving you alone in the restaurant before the cleaning shift has arrived. You were the only one who always stayed for them, as you did not want to leave the restaurant just by on its own. And you actually enjoyed the silence which fell on you. In this hour you could manage your thoughts and relax a little bit.

"Y/N." you heard from behind. You could realize his voice even in your dreams. It was raspy, low and sent shivers down your spine, tingling you from the inside. John Wick. You turned around to see him, now fully standing, covered in a black suit which looked so good on him.

"John?" you asked softly, and he came closer to you.

"What are you doing today?" he smiled. Considering the fact that the sun already appeared, you assumed that he was talking about today's evening.

"Uhmm… working" you answered and he started to chuckle. You were so pure in his eyes, he did not know he would even deserve a date with you. But that is what he was aiming for.

"When are you free?" he asked again and you looked surprised.

"Why are you asking?" you asked back and he let out a sigh.

"Well, I would like to take you out for a date if you would let me," he said so softly that you weren't sure that these words came from him. He seemed so reserved and introverted, his question came as a shock even though you thought doing things with him… quiet often. Remember the part when I mentioned he was your hero? Well… you always wanted to thank your hero, but you were sure that he wasn't even considering you like a real woman. You thought that he sees a little girl in you who only needs protection. And you wanted to be so much more in his eyes. Maybe you were wrong all this time. "So..?" he asked again, you did not know how to answer. You wanted this more than anything, but your self-doubt was stronger.

"I'm not sure if I'm the right person," you answered honestly, and his expression changed. As if someone punched him in the face. "Not that I don't want you, I mean… I want you, trust me, badly, but…" at this point you started to stutter, saying things you did not want say out loud, but you did anyway. And that was all he needed. He crossed the path between the two of you, crashing his lips against yours as you were the only thing who could save him. Save him, make him feel things he never felt before and giving him a chance that clearly no one even tried to give him. To make him feel different than the famous assassin he was.

You immediately reacted to his touch and this was so much different than a year before. You did not dread from human touch anymore, you actually craved it. You returned the kiss, slowly opening your mouth so his tongue could slip in an explore your taste, as well as his hands started to discover every inch of your body. You started to heat up, feeling like your whole body is on fire, aching your core so much that you were already about to explode. You caressed his cheeks, his stubble scraped your palm a little bit as you deepened the kiss, letting him in more and more. Gosh, it was desperate, but it felt so good. His hands tugged on your uniform, as he was about to rip it off when you heard a noise behind the two of you. You pulled away and you see a man who was looking at you with playfulness in his eyes.

"Winston..." John breathed next to you, and the man started to look at him rather than looking at you.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but John we need you at the conference." His voice was serious.

"I'll be there in a minute," John answered and without a word, Winston disappeared from the room. Your cheeks started to burn, it was kind of humiliating getting caught but John's expression did not change. He was looking at you with lust and passion in his eyes, as his pupil were slightly diluted. His hair was messy, as well his suit which started to look rather wrinkled on him, but he did not seem to care. He was only focusing on you. "I'm sorry but I have to go now." he started, and you understood, even though you wanted him to stay.

"It's okay," you answered and with that, John started to walk away from you, almost leaving the room when you cried after him. "John!"

He turned back immediately.

"Let's meet on Saturday at 8 o'clock in front of your room." he started to smile, leaving him more beautiful than he already was.

"Room 55, on the 7th floor."

You were waiting in front of his room. You were nervous, standing from one leg to the other. You wanted to knock a few minutes ago, but you were unable to do it. When you finally raised your hand, the door opened, and you saw John leaning against it.

"Y/N." he greeted you with a mysterious smile on his face.

"John." you sighed and before you could say anything else John grabbed you by your waist and pulled you into his room. The door slammed against your back as he crushed his lips against yours, grabbing at your neck, pushing his whole body to you. It took a few milliseconds to adjust to his speed, but when you did… it was heaven on earth.

Your hand started to explore his body under his suit but above his shirt, feeling the soft material underneath your palm as well as his strong, muscular body. You started to melt at his touch, giving yourself to the feeling, being lost as your tongues rolled against each other. He tasted so good. Being this close to him, feeling his intoxicating perfume made you dizzy. You never wanted this to end, but suddenly he pulled away from you.

"Fuck, Y/N," he cursed. "I'm so sorry, I didn't want to rush anything or being abusive or something like that," he muttered against your lips. "I'm sorry that I was this fast, I lost my mind." he continued and tried to pull further away from you. But you did not let him. Because if you did so, you won't give yourself a second chance. This was your last one and you did not want to regret it for not trying.

"Please, don't stop," you whispered, but he could hear it.

"Are you sure?" he whispered back, his voice was hoarse and it made him even more attractive.

"I'm sure…" you started but he cut you off.

"If you want to stop or something is not right just tell me, okay?" he asked you again, but you started to lose your temper. This never happened to you before, you never craved something this badly.

"Just fucking kiss me and then fuck me, John," you answered and he looked at you with a surprised look. He started to smile and you started to chuckle at his expression. "I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me."

"Don't apologize," he still smiled, brushing a few hair strands out of your face. "I like this side of yours." he chuckled and brushed a soft kiss into your lips. "But, I think we should…" he started but this time you cut him off.

"John…" you said, desperately crushing your lips against his lips. He let you, as he wanted to do what you wished and desired. He lifted you up from to ground, at that exact moment you hooked your legs around his waist, feeling his hardening member at the inner side of your thighs, which was dangerously close to your already wet one. You moaned into his mouth at the sensation and it became even more when the two of you fell into his bed. He was already on top of you, kissing your jaw and neck while one of his hand started to roam towards your waist. He rucked up the dress you were wearing, slowly sliding his fingers to your entrance. When he realized how wet you were, he let out a breath he did not know he was holding. You made him insane and he could not wait to taste you and eat you out.

He couldn't really hold himself at this point, especially after he felt how much you wanted and needed him. He basically ripped your dress off from your body, leaving you in your lace underwear. He drank you with his eyes, adoring everything about your body. Otherwise, you would feel insecure but not with him. He made you feel like a fucking goddess, already worshipping your body and liking how you laid underneath him. He started to brush soft kisses to your stomach, making his way down there were his new favorite place stood. He pushed your lace thong to the side, exposing your wet velvety skin to the air and his breath. He started to lick your clit incredibly slowly as he wanted to flavor every inch of you. He grabbing you by the waist to hold you in place as you started to whimper by his tongue. Eating you out was a low understatement. He devoured your pussy and feasted on it like it was the last thing on Earth. His desire for you was indescribable.

You grabbed the sheets beside you, fisting it to release some pressure which already started to build inside of your deep core. John let out a moan at the sight of you, which resonated through your whole body adding more and more to the unbearable sensations. That is when John started inserted his fingers into you. Your insides started to burn and ace with some desire which was slightly unfamiliar for you. He was so good with his hands and his tongue that it sent you to the edge in no time. He was definite with his fingers, mercilessly pushing his digit into you, while his tongue swirled and curled on your clit to satisfy you. His stubble tickled you a little bit, adding more and more friction when he started to delve his tongue more and deeper. He had one and only one goal: to experience an orgasm which you haven't experienced before. He wanted to give you everything, he wanted to make you feel special.

He parted your lips, even more, you opened your legs as wide open for him as you could. He suddenly slowed down, playing with your wetness as he was watching how his fingers entered you. Slowly, in and out.

"Fuck, John…" you started, tugging on his hair to fasten his movements, but he did not let you control him. He did in his own pace, teasing and torturing you. You grabbed his hair even more, afraid of hurting him but you could not hold yourself back. He did not seem to care, moreover, it made him even more turned on than he already was.

"Cum for me, baby girl," he added as he slowly started to flick his tongue on your flesh, making his movements as careful as possible when he sucked them slightly in, making your body erupt into pleasure. His slow movements sent you over, as well as his slight dirty talking. You started to pulsate around his fingers, crying out his name over and over again.

"Jonathan…" you whispered, as you made your grip slightly loser on his hair. He licked you through your after wave, slightly digging his nose into you to help you ease your sensitive area. "Fuck…" you added, as the shockwaves started to disappear.

Suddenly, you started to shiver as your body started to cool down after your orgasm. John kneeled up between your legs, licking off your juices from his fingers as he was looking straight into your eyes.

By the gaze of his, you started to warm up again. He was so much different than your earlier partners, not if you had many… but Jonathan particularly stood out. Gosh, how could you get this man?

He had a half cocky smirk on his face, looking at you with so much passion and desire.

"What?" you asked shily.

"Nothing, you're just a fucking goddess," he answered, bending down to give you a heated kiss. His words meant so much to you. It felt so good being appreciated like this and feeling worth it. You could feel your wetness on his mouth and tongue, as well on his beard as you cupped the side of his cheeks, but it just made everything much better than it already was. You moaned into his mouth, wanting to taste him everywhere as well.

You slightly pulled away.

"It's my turn," you said out, trying to move but John stopped you in your movements.

"This night is about you, baby girl," he said and he pinned you against the bed as you tried to move again. "Ah-ah," he added, stopping you and holding you in place. You were unable to release from his grip, but at this point, you did not even want to. Your breath caught up in your throat, feeling his hips grinding against your wet area. Gosh, you wanted him so badly and the fact that he held you down made you even more insane. He could see your eyes lighting with something new. "Did you like that?" he teased, holding you in place while he added soft kisses to your collarbone. You started to shiver at his touch, but you were unable to move as he held you strongly.

"Jonathan…" you breathed out again and he started to chuckle, releasing you.

"I love when you say my name," he said, tilting your face towards his, so he could give you a kiss which was different from before. It was still passionate, but soft which could say much more than words. "I can't wait to hear you say it over and over again," he added, unbuttoning his suit which was still on him. You grabbed his shirt, trying to help him so he could be inside of you as fast as possible.

The sight of him unbuckling his belt made your mouth water. As I have mentioned before, he could read you like an open book. He saw how your eyes lit up with excitement. So instead of pushing away the belt, he grabbed your wrist to tie them together with it.

"Is this okay?" he asked you though, before making it tight.

"Sure, yes, please" you muttered, and he started to chuckle again. To be honest, you haven't seen him being this liberated and happy with anyone else before and it made your heart filled with happiness. He was even more beautiful when you heard that low laugh of his.

"If something is wrong, just tell me," he said, freeing himself from his pants as well in the meantime grabbing a condom from the nightstand beside the bed. The way he coated his member with his hands made you even more insane. He grabbed your neck even before you could react to anything. He was so fast, but he gave you a soft kiss while he positioned himself between your legs.

He could not really hold himself back, but the fact that he did not want to hurt you made him slow down his actions. He slowly rubbed his head against your clit, giving a tease what you will get in a few seconds.

He started to push inside of you, but due to his length and thickness, you started to hiss at the sudden pain. He looked at you with true concern in his eyes.

"If it hurts, we can stop," he said, but you did not want him to stop. Because as much as it hurt, it made you fill with pleasure as well.

"No, it's okay," you added, but you were kind of breathless. He just nodded, giving you a soft kiss on the lips while he slowly and carefully tried to move a little bit to the side as well as slowly in and out till you adjusted to his length. He tried not to moan though, you were so tight around him that it already started to twitch his cock with hunger.

"Fuck, Y/N.," he said, also breathlessly while he started to move a little bit faster than before. As you get used to his size, the pain started to disappear, and incredible enjoyment started to fill your body. He buried his head into the crook of your neck as he started to thrust into you, while you hooked your leg around his waist to pull his whole size into you.

"Fuck me, Jonathan," you said and he did not need any more courage. He started to fuck you mercilessly, hitting you all the right places so your walls already started to clench around him. He was feeling everything, he liked the way you took his dick, how your body took his cock deeper and deeper inside of you.

As he started to lose control, he still wanted to be gentle to you because hurting you was the last thing he wanted to do. But he could not stop grabbing your neck, his fingers lingering around your throat hazily as he bumped into you faster than before.

"Johnathan" you cried out as you were overwhelmed with pleasure, your second orgasm already on its way. You felt the similar sensation building up inside of your stomach, your heart racing in your ear. This was too much. Being tied up, him inside of you as well as his hands around your neck…

Before you could realize, John sucked his thumb into his mouth and made its way on your clit to add to your building fire. You started to whimper, but he held you in place.

"Cum for me, baby girl," he said again, and you did. His words were like magic on you. Working perfectly as he was still thrusting into you. However, he was close as well. His movements started to become sloppy and his moans started to become louder. It surprised you how vocal he was, but you really liked it. It showed how much he enjoyed fucking you.

"Fuck…" he said, moaning other curse words and your name as he released his juices and dissolved into pleasure. He suddenly collapsed on you, biting you on the neck as he buried his head inside of it.

You were dizzy, your legs were shaking around his waist, feeling intoxicated just thinking about how much pleasure John gave you. And it was just the beginning of the night. You could not wait to taste him as well, or having another round with him in a different position. You wanted to try everything with him because he made you feel things like you never felt before. And you really hoped you could.

When John collected himself, he interlaced his lips with yours. His eyes shining with love and adoration.

"Next time, you should take me to dinner at least," you said and he looked at you with big eyes.

"How dare you…." he started. "You insisted on, let me quote you, fucking you," he said and this sentence was so much hotter from his mouth.

"Yes, and I really enjoyed that," you added, smiling.

"Me too," he said, brushing a soft kiss against your lips.

The two of you were kissing for a few minutes before he pulled away.

"I would like to take you out for a real date though," he started. "As well as ‘fucking you' countlessly and trying out new things, if you want to," he added with a chuckle.

"Yes, sir, Mr. Wick," you answered. "I would really like that."

"What did you just say?" he asked back, with a dark and sinful tone in his voice.

"Mr. Wick."

"Before that."

"Sir…?" you asked, did not know what he was referring to.

"Fuck, baby girl," he grunted in a very dangerously low voice. "I think we found a new thing," he said before crushing a passionate kiss to you.

#john wick x reader #john wick x you #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves x you #john wick #smut #mightyhemsworthy #my writing #keanu reeves #keanu reeves imagine #john wick imagine

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hunnybadgerv · 4 years

Note

Writer Ask Meme 3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? 10. Pick an author (or writing friend) to co-write a book with 12. Which story (or: stories) of yours do you like best? why? 17. What things (scenes/topics/character types) are you most comfortable writing? 29. Is writing more of a hobby or do you write with the intention of getting published? 36. Post a snippet 49. Favorite fictional world?

Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing: 30 Questions for Authors

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? Getting started. Once I’m writing, I can usually find the zone. But it’s getting started that is always the hardest for me. Like this morning, I didn’t know where to even start. So, I opted to edit, since it is something I wanted to accomplish this week. And I know that in the revision process I also tend to refine my prose, i.e., write, so my editing and writing work today coincided.

I have, however, written every day this month and I’m hoping to continue that trend. But regardless of the time of day, getting started tends to be my biggest obstacle overall.

10. Pick an author (or writing friend) to co-write a book with. Must it only be one? Gosh.

There are so many great writers I know, more than I could ever even try to consider for this.

I’ve always admired @theoriginalladya for the uniqueness of her ideas and character development are second to none; I equally love and hate when she and I talk about her characters because I get super excited about them because of how amazing they are. Then I quickly become obsessed, which may or may not be the only “bad” thing. @painterofhorizons has angst super powers; even in a snippet of text she can rip your soul clean from your body. Her writing is so evocative and emotionally striking. Then there is @chyrstis, whose ability to seamlessly weave humor into her fics sparks more than envy. She manages to put characters into such believable, yet laughable situations that it only serves to endear them to readers.

I’m not sure I could ever co-write a piece, but I would count myself lucky to write with any of the writers I regularly associate with, especially one of these three. Apologies to all the amazing writers I know who I did not mention by name, but I already didn’t follow the question in the first place by mentioning three rather than a single one.

12. Which story (or: stories) of yours do you like best? why? Oh gosh. This is so cruel. One story! Really? That’s all. Honestly, First Watch of the Night (Guardians in the Darkness Series) is one of my favorite. I think that might be in part because of nostalgia--it is Nyx Shepard’s WIP. I actually have it planned all the way through ME3, though I’ve currently stalled in the revision process in the ME1 timeline. I’m not sure why either.

I find myself wondering if the reason I have not finished it is because once I know what happens, maybe I won’t have the drive to finish writing it. Maybe I can’t get past the block because I’m worried that finishing their story will vacate those muses from my mind, which I kind of don’t want. I really have grown quite attached to Nyx, Kaidan, and her crew.

Honestly, I think that might be the struggle I end up in with all my longer fics. Short fics in collection are so much easier because the story never has to end. A long fic follows a certain line and has a definite conclusion, which I think worries me.

17. What things (scenes/topics/character types) are you most comfortable writing? Umm, If you were to look at characters like Tayen Quick, Nyx and Feign Shepard, Furia, Remy McGinnis, Mari Ryder, Cyna Mahariel, and Laerke, you’d see a common thread connecting them. I tend enjoy writing strong female characters, especially those that are flawed or broken in some way. Honestly, Nyx and Furia, also to some extent Leah Rook, all share imposter syndrome to one degree or another--so does Mari. I always tend to have one or two characters that share a flaw. I have Mari, Laerke, and Furia who have all lost their entire families. Characters that come from big families. But I tend to write female protagonists more so than males.

29. Is writing more of a hobby or do you write with the intention of getting published? I published a short story in college. And I really would like to be published some day. Right now, I am mostly writing for me. I’ve got original fiction ideas, but I don’t work on them currently. I focus on my fandom work in order to practice and hone the skills and plans I have for future pieces.

I want to write something in the mix of fantasy/sci-fi. But I also have a strong sense of realism. I still hold tight to Mark Twain’s statement that the difference between real life and fiction is that fiction has to make sense. Things have to stem logically from one another in a story, and I always try to ground my writing in experience--sights, smells, sounds, textures that my readers can be familiar with--in order to add some sense of connection. I try to make my characters flawed in ways that feel accurate to them.

A part of me screams in the back of my head that I am a writer. I can be an author, but a part of me worries that perhaps it may not happen. I keep writing. And I keep trying new things. I’ll always be a storyteller. I will keep writing and falling in love with fictional beings and places that I cannot resist exploring.

36. Post a snippet This is from First Watch of the Night. I really love the characters and depth I managed to capture in this piece. Honestly, it’s one of the pieces of my own writing that intimidates me ... a lot. I don’t write the same way anymore. I feel like my writing lacks the same emotional depth right now. And I’m not sure why. It might have to do with how disconnected from other humans I have been in the last decade.

The scene here is Nyx Shepard and her father from Chapter 18:

The two Shepards watched one another for a long moment, before Taranis returned his attention to one of the soft cherries. The commander sighed, sipping her tea quietly while the captain waited. It was his usual tactic. He knew there was more and he could always wait her out. Nyx would talk to him in her own time, even if it had to be in carefully crafted abstractions. His daughter knew the drill. Taranis' methods were nothing new to her. He would take long pauses, allowing her to consider all the things she was not telling him. Then he would ask careful questions in case it was actually related to her current or a classified assignment--since need to know could interfere with her desire to disclose and his fatherly curiosity.

Whatever it was, Nyx held onto it much longer than usual, which told him she really did not want to bring it up. Despite this, Taranis knew she would relent because she kept glancing over at him with a look that suggested she was merely trying to find the way to bring it up. Nyx always came first for him; he redirected his career to give her the life she had, a life where there was always one parent there to hold her tight when things weren't just so. He knew it was not perfect, but he did everything he could to be there for her.

Nyx sighed as she set the tea cup on the table between them. "Fine," she breathed heavily.

It took another few moments for her to look up at him. Then she scooted a little closer, lowering her voice in discretion. Watching her carefully Taranis could not quite be sure what she was going to say, but she bit her lip and winced a little when she finally asked a question he never expected to hear.

"What did you do when you met Mom?"

Everything froze for a second or two as he stared at her. The little blush on her cheeks threw her father for a loop, but made him smile. "Well, damn."

The commander shook her head at him, trying to discourage him from thinking too hard about what she had just asked.

"Answer the question, please."

Captain Taranis Shepard rubbed his hand through the short stubble on the back of his head as he stared at his daughter in stunned silence. "I avoided her. Tried to just keep my distance. I even put in for a transfer," he admitted with a wry smile. "It got denied because I did not put in what command thought was a valid reason. Then, on leave, I talked to your Grandpa Shepard about it."

Nyx smiled and laughed. "And what did the old devil dog have to say about that?"

Her voice held a note of disbelief that her father was not surprised to hear. Taranis' father was a stickler for rules, regulations, expectations. He was strict and set high expectations. The captain could tell by the way his daughter eyed the dregs in her tea cup that she was as completely unprepared for what her father was about to say as Taranis had been when he heard it.

"He told me it was not a weakness to want someone to be part of your life."

Nyx's eyes darted to his. She was easily as shocked as he had been. Moving the tea cup, Taranis laid her hand out in his and covered it with the other.

"I told him all the things, I'm pretty sure you're telling yourself right now. All the excuses about regs, concerns, and bad experiences and stories you've heard," Taranis said quietly as he stroked the back of her hand lightly.

She leaned toward him. Her voice was tight with emotion. "And?"

Holding her hand tightly, her father smiled at her softly. "He told me that there are some things that outweigh the regs."

They were both quiet for a moment as Nyx let herself fall back in the chair. Her mind was clearly racing. Kirk Shepard had always stern, at best; he still was totally by the book in everything except when he met his wife. That was the only rule Taranis could think of his father ever even bending, let alone breaking out right. Nyx had been very close with both her grandfathers; she respected them as men and as marines. For her they were role models, people she that influenced her greatly.

"I'm going to tell you something you probably don't know. My parents met in the service, too. We Shepards seem to fall for our brethren," he said playfully. Nyx did not look relieved in the slightest. "He almost lost her on a mission. Even in love, your grandfather was still the same man. He couldn't justify risking the primary objective. The mission at all costs, you know?"

Taranis knew she understood it. Hell, he knew she lived that decree just as solidly as his father.

"She made it out alive, barely. Your grandfather, sentimental bastard, proposed to her when she woke up from surgery. Grandma Amelie was just as stoic as he was. Told him she would consider it, but only if he promised to do always put the mission first, even if she was in his command. She believed him when he said he would. Even lived up to it. Had to put her at risk once more in the field before they got married."

"And he told you this when you asked him about Mom?"

"Yep," Taranis said, nodding as he studied his daughter's reaction. "I was rather hoping I wouldn't have to tell it to you, but I guess it was too much to hope you'd break the trend of falling for servicemen."

She shrugged and looked at their hands for a long moment. "Seemed to be going well for a while," Nyx said quietly.

"Just tell me it's not the Zingel kid."

Her laugh made him smile, and brightened her eyes. "No, it's not Caz."

Taranis leaned back in his chair, fidgeting with his uniform for a moment. "So, tell me something about this fella."

The way she tilted her head at him suggested that the question might have been her maximum.

"At least tell me his name so I can start checking up and get a little peace."

"Da."

"Fine." Taranis let his hands fall on the arms of his chair. "Don't relieve your old father of the undue stress he is now placed under worrying about what kind of man his plucking his daughter's heart strings."

"Seriously?" she replied with a doubtful look.

They both knew she did not see herself as the type of woman who was plucked, but Taranis had a long and vivid memory and he could still recall the girl with the romantic sensibilities.

"What? I remember the shelves of Austen, Gaskell, and the Brontes. Then there were the sonnets your grandmother always sent you. And if I recall you were planning on marrying Captain Wentworth." He tilted his head at her slightly. "Perhaps I should have seen this coming after all."

They both laughed. Then Nyx sprang forward and hugged her father around the neck. "I've missed you, Da."

"I love you, Nyxy-girl."

Her lips were warm on his cheek. "Love you, too," she repeated before she stood. "I should probably go."

"We should do this again," her father offered, as he stood and proffered his arm. "Soon."

His daughter smiled and looked away for a moment. "Sure. As soon as I can."

Once they exited the little shop, they stopped and he touched her cheek before he bent and kissed her forehead again. He did not like her chosen phrase. Taranis knew she meant it, but he also knew the schedule she had kept for the past several years and there was little hope of relief given the most recent change.

"I'd prefer sooner," he noted.

It always killed him to say what he said next, the phrase was tradition, but always made his heart ache because he knew there was always a chance that he could lose his girl in the line of duty. He had been in her boots and hung them up for her. She had taken them up with fervor and so much more skill and determination than Taranis ever possessed.

"Good hunting, Commander," he said, a waver in his voice, as he saluted her sharply.

Nyx returned it as smartly as she would to an admiral. "Thank you Captain."

Taranis watched the girl with her mother's hair and his eyes weave through the crowds in the wards. He remembered meeting a boy once, at her basic graduation. Keith or Kyle or something that started with a K. He managed to stick around until a few months after her graduation from Exeter. Somehow the kid had stuck it out through three mission deployments before the relationship ended without so much as a whimper. The captain could not remember his name or much else about him. Even after a few years together, his daughter never hinted at the question she just asked. It elated and scared the hell out of him.

49. Favorite fictional world? I really enjoy writing ME and in SWTOR. They are amazing worlds full of science, magic, adventure, and drama. Though I’m also drawn to fantasy for the same reasons. But I think futuristic worlds and space are some of my favorites.

#Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing #30 Questions for Authors #Writer Questions #long post #painterofhorizons

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pennylanefics · 5 years

Text

Is it worth it? - Eggsy Unwin

a/n: first fic of Eggsy!! hope you like!!

•••

Dating a Kingsman isn’t easy. Although, you had no idea of what Eggsy’s job consists of. He has only told you he works for a tailor shop, Kingsman, but he isn’t allowed to tell you of his ‘real’ job. He is always going away on missions and being away for days, and you don’t question it; you figure traveling to clients and such is a part of his job, so you think nothing of it.

You actually met on one of his missions. He was at a coffee shop trying to track down a target, and the only seat open to sit at was across from you. So, you allowed him to stay and you two really hit it off. He asked you on a second date, gave you his number, and ran off to follow his target. And since that moment, you two have grown much closer, and are now in a happy and loving relationship.

That is until one night, a few months into your blossoming relationship. He had been away for a few days, telling you he needed to visit a client in Paris. So, you let him do his job, giving him some space and not talking with him for the time being. He returns a day later, but he looks much more worse than when he left. He had a black eye, a cut on his forehead, and a cut on his lip.

“Eggsy! What the hell happened to you?!” You question him as you pull him inside. He sighs, feeling defeated and contemplated on telling you. You sit him down on the couch and run to get the first aid kit. Immediately, you begin to clean the cuts and put some soothing cream on the bruise.

“Any more cuts, bruises, injuries that I should know about?” You ask him quietly. He shakes his head and stares at his hands as you clean up the mess you made.

“I love you, you know that, right?” Eggsy suddenly says. You stop and look up at him, your eyebrows furrowed.

“Of course. And I love you. What’s up, Eggsy?” He takes a deep breath and rubs his hands together.

“I, um. So, you have to promise to keep this a secret. I’m not supposed to tell you but I can’t keep this from you, you deserve to know.” He pauses to make sure you understand that this cannot be told to anyone else. You nod and grab his hands, gently squeezing them to assure him he can trust you.

“I work for Kingsman, but it isn’t a tailor shop. Well, I mean, it is. But, it’s an intelligence service. Basically, I’m a spy. When I leave to go to “clients”, I’m really going on missions to save people being targeted by others, or the bad guys, essentially. I know it’s dangerous, but I love the thrill of it. Getting to save others and the world, it’s a great feeling,” You sit and listen as he explains his job in depth, and all you can do is nod along.

“So, I’m dating a spy, eh?” You smile, moving to sit next to him. Eggsy chuckles and wraps his arm around you.

“Yes you are, love.”

—

Ever since that day, you have kept Eggsy’s secret and he has told you everything you wanted to know about his life in Kingsman. From the day he got arrested and called the number on the back of a charm that was given to him at a young age when his father died, to his first day of training, to not getting accepted into the agency at first, and everything about every single mission he goes on.

This has made you two so much closer, now that he wasn’t hiding anything from you and you promised not to tell anyone. He is happy that you are always willing to hear him talk about his missions, feeling the freedom of finally being able to tell someone; he knew it was wrong to do so, but you were his girlfriend, he trusted you, and he didn’t want to continue to lie throughout your relationship.

You had no problem with his job, until about a year into your relationship, when his missions were getting more and more complicated and far-reaching.

So far, everything was fine, until he came to you one day with a predicament. He arrived at your shared home with an anxious and nervous look on his face.

“Hey, bub!” You say cheerily, jumping into his arms. He stepped aside before you could wrap your arms around his neck.

“Eggsy? What’s wrong?” You ask him worriedly. He steps further inside and takes a seat on the couch.

“Um. I have a bit of a situation,” he says plainly. You stare him him, waiting for him to continue.

“And?” You try to push him to continue.

“I may have to sleep with a target on my next mission, which is tonight,” he shyly whispers. As quiet as his voice was, you heard him loud and clear. Your eyes widen and your jaw drops.

“No.” His head shoots up at your answer.

“What?” You shrug and stand your ground.

“No. I don’t want you sleeping with a target,” you repeat. He scoffs and stands up, facing you.

“You don’t get to tell me what I get to do on missions! You are not a Kingsman!”

“Then why are you telling me? You knew I wasn’t going to be okay with this! Shouldn’t it be common knowledge that if you are in a relationship, you don’t sleep with anyone else?! Despite your fucking job!” You could feel your blood boiling at this point. Who is he to think that you would be okay with this?

“I wanted to tell you instead of just going and doing it behind your back! I thought maybe it would be better this way instead of doing it without letting you know!”

“Oh wow! You are so fucking thoughtful, Eggsy! How lovely! You came to tell me you are going to shag some girl! Gosh, I could just fucking kiss you right now!” You say sarcastically, rolling your eyes at the end. Eggsy huffs in annoyance and crosses his arms.

“This is my job, (Y/N). You know that. You’ve known that for a year. You know what my job consists of, you know that I have to do this if I want to stay a Kingsman. It’s just what I have to do. You knew dating me wasn’t going to be easy, so why are you making a big deal of it now, huh?” You sigh and rub your hands over your face.

“Because Eggsy. Your missions haven’t been like this! You aren’t going around and fucking targets left and right. You are fighting bad guys, tracking targets, why can’t you just touch her on the shoulder or arm or something!”

“This tracker has to be planted in a mucous membrane, which is the nose or, well, you know.”

“And why can’t someone else do it?” You ask. He sighs deeply and starts to tear up.

“The Kingsman headquarters was blown up, all other agents were killed, including Roxy. I wasn’t home or there, and JB and my friend were killed as well. It’s just Merlin and I, as well as Statesman, which is located in Kentucky. And I don’t have a choice.” You notice how sad he looks, and feel a little bad that people he knew and were close with were killed, but it still didn’t make sense to you.

“I’m sorry that that happened, but my answer is still no. I feel like your job is more important than me, and I hate it. I don’t want to tell you that it’s me or your job, but at this point I’m going to need an answer. I don’t mind any of the other missions, but this one is too far for my liking.” You finish your little speech and storm off into your room. You slam the door and fall against it, sliding down to the floor and trying not to cry. The entire house is now quiet, quiet enough for you to hear the front door slam, meaning that Eggsy left and is most likely going to complete the mission. You finally allow your tears to fall, sobs starting to rack your body. You knew this was going to be the end of your relationship with Eggsy, and you hated it.

—

A few hours later, it was now dark and all of your things were packed up. You were now sat on your bed, staring at the wall, terrified to leave. Leaving this home meant leaving Eggsy and your relationship behind. Sighing quietly, you stood and grabbed your suitcase, beginning to head down the stairs. As you were about to descend, the front door opened and closed gently. You froze as tears welled up in your eyes. He’s back from his mission. You take a deep breath and walk down the stairs confidently.

You stop at the bottom of the stairs and find Eggsy setting things on the living room coffee table. You watch as he places boxes of food from your favorite restaurant on the table, as well as a box of chocolate covered strawberries, which were under a bouquet of beautiful red roses and sat next to a teddy bear. You are confused, to say the least. But, if he’s going to try and win you over or apologize for his mission, you weren’t going to accept it, no matter what.

“Eggsy?” You say quietly. He quickly turns around and smiles, but that soon drops when he sees your suitcase next to you.

“Where are you going?” He asks sadly.

“I’m leaving. I can’t deal with you thinking it’s okay to sleep with some girl for your job. I understand that-”

“I didn’t go through with the mission,” he cuts you off. The room is silent for a moment before he continues.

“I’m sorry, love. I am so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have even second guessed it. I know it’s wrong, but I love my job so much, you know that. What I didn’t want was to let Merlin or the Statesman down. I wasn’t thinking about your feelings, or how this was going to affect and hurt you, and I’m so sorry for that. I should have told them no from the beginning,” he begins and takes a pause, trying to keep himself together while looking at your packed things.

“Why didn’t you go through with it?” You ask.

“Because I didn’t want to lose you. I knew going through with it meant that you would leave me, and seeing now as that’s true I’m so glad I didn’t. I love you so much, (Y/N), and I really do love you, with all of my heart, more than I’ve loved anyone else.” You are still silent, not believing him based on how adamant he was while telling you about the mission.

“Please say something,” he whispers after a few moments. You take a deep breath and step forward a little, leaving your suitcase behind.

“I don’t know if I believe you, Eggsy. But can you blame me? You were so persistent to go through with this, and now you’re telling me you didn’t? Which was hours ago, might I add. I’ve always felt like I am second in your life. Or third, considering where your mother and Daisy fall. But I feel so much less important to you than your job. I understand you love it, and I know how happy it makes you, but I still would like your attention every now and then. I want to enjoy a night together where we don’t talk about your job, or past missions, or anything having to do with it. Even though I know how much you love it, I’m a normal girl. It gets a bit overwhelming for me, okay?” He nods along, not saying anything and letting you say what you need to.

“Again, I hate that I have to give you a choice, but it really is me or your job. Because I can’t deal with you coming to me and telling me you have to sleep with some girl to track her. I-”

“It’s you. It’s always been you,” he suddenly interrupts you. You give him a strange look and tilt your head to the side.

“I quit.” Your eyes widen as you stand there confused.

“You quit Kingsman? Why?” You were freaking out a little, knowing that you are half the reason why he would do so.

“Shh, it’s fine. I quit being a spy. I went to Merlin, apologized for not going through with the mission and told him you are way more important to me. I don’t care if the world goes up in flames tomorrow because of me, but I love you so much, more than being a spy. So, he of course told me off and started panicking that the girl isn’t tracked, but he understood my reasoning. He gave me a job at the actual Kingsman store. So I will be helping incoming agents with their suits and weapons,” he smiles softly, stepping closer to you.

“But you’ve been with Kingsman for years, I don’t want to be the reason you quit.” He shakes his head.

“It was all me, love. It’s not your fault, okay?” You nod, still not believing him.

“I know I keep saying this, but I love you so much, darling. I don’t want you sitting at home, alone while I go out and fight. I know you hate when I come back injured, and I definitely know you hated this mission. I want to keep you safe, I couldn’t care less about others anymore. And I don’t want to be the reason you are hurting and are sad,” he explains, slowly moving until he was standing right in front of you. He glances behind your shoulder at your suitcase and tears immediately pool in his eyes. He takes a breath and exhales, trying to stay calm and not think about the possibility of him coming back any later than he had.

“I just, I d-don’t want to lose you, (Y/N),” he whimpers.

“P-please don’t leave me,” his voice was hoarse and thick as he tried to keep his sobs in. You pulled him right into your arms, his face immediately in the space between your neck and shoulder. He was sobbing loudly and his body was shaking with each cry.

“Shh, Eggsy. I love you too, yeah? I’m not leaving you,” you whisper in his ear. He nods against you, but still continues to cry out. So you stand there, in the living room, holding each other as tightly as you can.

“I love you too, darling. I always will. You are the most important person in my life, next to mum and Daisy. I never want to lose you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he says in between sobs. You smile softly at his last comment. You two stay like that for close to ten minutes before you speak up.

“You know our dinner is gonna get cold,” you say. He laughs loudly at your words and pulls away from your body. He stares straight at you, tears still in his eyes as he strokes his thumb against your cheek, wiping your tears away. You reach up and do the same, still looking into his bright green, beautiful eyes.

“I love you,” he whispers for the millionth that night, his thumb now running over your plump lips. You pucker them lightly, pressing a soft kiss to his fingertip. His eyes darken a little and a smirk takes over his lips.

“Let’s go eat, love,” he says, grabbing your hand and pulling you over to the couch. So, for the rest of the night, you two sat together on the couch, talking about everything besides Kingsman, and enjoyed a nice dinner together for the first time in months.

After you two finished eating, he cleaned the trash up while you placed the roses in a vase with water. As you were placing them neatly in the vase, Eggsy appears behind you, his hands on your waist and his lips on your neck.

“You wanna dig into these chocolate covered strawberries and lay in bed for the rest of the night?” He asks suggestively. You turn around in his arms and bring him in for a kiss for the first time today. Both of you hum happily against each other’s lips, savoring the taste of each other.

“Hell yeah,” you respond, grabbing his hand and following him to the bedroom, after he grabbed the delicious fruit from the fridge.

You laid on your shared bed next to Eggsy and fed each other the strawberries, giggling every now and then at how cheesy you were being.

“These were good, Eggsy. Thank you.” He nods and pulls you close to him after your dessert is finished off.

“Anything for you, darling. I love you, and I’m so glad you decided to stay, even after the fight. I realize I was wrong, and you don’t have to worry, because that will never happen again.” You nod along and grin up at him.

“I love you too. And after hearing you quit your job because of the mission tells me how much you care for me,” you reply, reaching up to cup his cheek softly. He leaned into your touch and smiles.

“I’m gonna show you how much I care for you right now,” he whispers lustfully, moving to straddle your hips, swooping down to bring you in for a kiss.

“Mmh,” you moan softly into the kiss.

“My baby girl, you are so beautiful.”

•••

taglist: @stfxlou @onexlittlespark @babebenhardy @loveharrington

#eggsy unwin #taron egerton #eggsy #taron egerton imagines #taron egerton x reader #taron x reader #eggsy x reader #eggsy unwin x reader #kingsman #kingsman secret service #kingsman golden circle #imagines #fanfiction #fanfic

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shawn-does-stuff · 5 years

Text

Oakland (Night 2) Q&A

Fan: “You mentioned supporting human rights in your tweet about A$AP Rocky, with these things, [immigration raids and the Sudanese crisis] going on, do you plan on speaking out on these topics + using your platform?”

Shawn: “This is really important for me. I want you guys to know that because I say something about something else, doesn't mean that I don't care about other things. I care so deeply about what's happening, especially in these camps with these children right now. To be honest with you, I’ve been researching the exact thing to say. I’m trying to find the perfect article that explains what’s going on, I'm trying to find the perfect charity to donate to, and I’m trying to find the perfect statement to say because what I don't wanna do is go online and say, ‘Look, this is bad guys.’ I don’t wanna say that because everyone else is saying that. I wanna go online and say, ‘Look, this is what’s going on. This is effecting me. This is what you can do to help. These are the people who are helping. If you don’t know what’s going on, read this article.’ But, I’m not just gonna go online and say something vague. When I posted that about A$AP, I had a really hard day that day. I did feel like there are so many things going on that I should be talking about and I’m not. It’s not because I don’t care. If you knew me as a friend, I talk about that stuff almost more than anything. I deeply care in my heart. I’m trying to figure out how to not only talk about it, but to help people take action to change the world. It’s not just about making it known, it’s about the steps to change it. So, it’s coming. I promise you. I’m reaching out to this incredible woman named Brené Brown. I’ve been researching this company that’s been doing this funding for these lawyers going in to these camps and really make a difference. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. I want you guys to know that. I care with all of my heart. I’m shaking, my heart’s racing talking about it. It’s so important to me that you guys understand that I don’t wanna go online and say a blanket statement. I wanna go online and use my voice in a way that’s like, ‘Look, this is how I feel. Here’s the information. Let’s change the world. This is how we can do it.' And that's what I'm getting at. Thank you for bringing that up though, I'm happy you did.”

—

Fan: “What's your favorite song by Kings Of Leon?”

Shawn: “I would be lying if I didn't say 'Use Somebody'!”

—

Fan: “What's your favorite part of the Bay Area?”

Shawn: “It's so tourist-y of me, but I loved walking across the Golden Gate bridge!”

—

“I love the Bay Area! It’s so fun here. I really love it.”

—

Fan: “I’m in my first year of college, have you ever felt like you’re stuck? What advice do you have for that?”

Shawn: “I think there’s too much pressure on everyone to have direction. There’s just too much. I don’t know the person who said when you’re 20 you have to know what you’re doing in life! Or you have to know your life’s purpose. The point is waking up every day and that day, being like, ‘What is the most brave thing I can do? What is the most fearless, loving thing I can do today?’ I can’t talk about tomorrow. You’ll watch yourself grow and take steps and then all of a sudden you’ll look behind you and be like, ‘This is my purpose.’ There’s no need to decide. You don’t need to be a brain surgeon today. When I was 15, I didn’t wake up and think that I’d be in Oakland playing a sold out show. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Forgive yourself and it’ll come to you.”

—

Fan: “We've been best friends for like 5 years and-”

Shawn: “Amazing. Back when we were all literal babies. We were so young. I was like a Tik Tok-er back then. I was a viner, but it was equivalent to Tik Tok-er's! I don't know anything! I love Tik Tok-er's, I love viners!”

—

Fan: “If you could be in the audience of a crowd for any performance, which would it be?”

Shawn: “I wish I could do it at the Rogers Centre in Toronto. I wish I could go out and watch Shawn and be Shawn at the same time!”

—

Fan: “Pre-show rituals?”

Shawn: “I used to sing through my songs before the show in my bathroom, but I realized that I was just doing that to check if I could do them, not because I wanted to. I don’t do anything physically. I’ll breathe and do a couple slides. All I do is sit there and remind myself why I do this. Why do I sing? I fucking love to sing. Sorry for swearing!”

—

Fan: “How has the power of music given you special relationships with people around the world?”

Shawn: “It's like a little superpower. So I write something very personal about myself and I release it and every single person who’s heard that song, already feels like they know me. So we skip the part of not knowing each other and every single one of you guys that walk through the M&G, it’s just like I’m already seeing my friend for the first time.”

—

Fan: “What’s the craziest thing a fan has ever done?”

Shawn: “I haven’t experienced that much crazy things. You guys are pretty chill. Everyone thinks fans are crazy and I’m like, ‘They’re not!’ They’re just chill.”

—

Fan: “What makes you stay humble and family oriented after becoming famous?”

Shawn: “I have a million reasons to be humble and I think the first one is that’s the only way to be. And I have the most incredible friends and family around me at all times and they, no matter what happens in my life, no matter how much success, they don’t forget to remind me what’s important in life.”

—

Fan: “If you could go back to any day, what day would you go back to?”

Shawn: “I think I’d go back to the very first show I played with Taylor Swift.”

—

“They’re gonna love you no matter what you say, how you say it... at any time of the day. Nothing I say means anything close to what you say. You’re their world! I cannot possibly come close [to that].” -Shawn as a fan came out as bisexual and asked for a video for their parents!

—

“I’m a parent and I’m going to be honest. From the beginning you already know who your child is. Your parents know in their heart what you are about.” -A parent in the Q&A added on to what Shawn said to the fan.

—

Fan: “What’s the easiest song you wrote on your album?”

Shawn: “I wrote ‘When You’re Ready’ really fast.”

—

Fan: “What inspired you to write ‘Youth’?”

Shawn: “I was in Europe when the Ariana Manchester attack happened, I was in London when the bridge attacks were happening, and I was just really overwhelmed about everything. I was just like, ‘This is crazy, what’s going on right now?’ Then Khalid and I wanted to write a song together and then I remember being in Europe and I texted him ‘Dude, we have to write a song about what youth is, what it means’ and that was it. He said ‘Yes, I’m so down’ then literally fast forward 3 months, we got in the studio and wrote it in an hour. It just poured out of us because it was complete honesty and emotion. To this day, one of my most proud songs that I’ve ever wrote is that song.”

—

Fan: “What is your favorite life quote that gets you through the day?”

Shawn: “I think my life quotes change a lot, but the one that I’ve been saying to myself all the time is ‘Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change’. I love that one.”

—

Fan: “How do you think you were able to break free of the [association with Magcon]?”

Shawn: “I think it's unfair to say they haven’t broken the mold ether. Cause I think they have in their own ways, and I think everyone’s on their own path. My goal was to be a musician from day one. My goal wasn’t just to sell M&Gs and that’s it. I wanted to come and meet you guys and play and sing and be performing for you goals. That was my goal always. So there was never a mold in the first place.”

—

“I love how emotional everyone is today. It’s gonna be an amazing show, I can feel it.” -Shawn during Q&A today in Oakland!

—

Fan: “How do you deal with anxiety?”

Shawn: “Anxiety is so different for everybody. The one thing that makes anxiety worse is when you start to judge yourself because you’re having it. The one thing that always helps me is forgiving myself. When I have anxiety, I literally go to a mirror, I look myself in the eyes and I go ‘Hey dude, I forgive you!’ and then I feel better! I don’t need to judge myself, there’s no one here, it’s just me here! Just forgive yourself, and it floats away.”

—

Fan: “What’s one piece of advice that’s resonated with you since the beginning?”

Shawn: “Oh my gosh, you guys are really going for me today. I love it, this is why these are my favorite things to do! One thing that changed myself was that you never know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. You can never assume what they’re thinking. Once I learnt that you can never assume, if we’re having a conversation and in my head I’m like ‘Oh no, she thinks I’m dumb. Oh no, I just said something stupid, she thinks I’m dumb, she’s not interested, she wants to leave.’ And I’d be like ‘Look, honestly, what I’m telling myself right now is that you think I’m dumb, is that true?’ And 99% of the time, the person will say ‘Honestly, I was just thinking you had cool hair!’ It breaks down the wall of crazy voices in our heads that make us believe things that aren’t true. I am brutally honest at all times and it only ever helps.”

(questions and answers from @MendesCrewInfo on Twitter)

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes the tour #Q&A #tour: oakland (2)

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