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andvys · 10 months

Text

My lover E.M.

Warnings: hurt/comfort, reader has low self esteem and feels bad about her body, mentions of unrequited love, reader feels unlovable, happy ending

Pairing: Eddie Munson x female reader

Summary: When you struggle to believe that anyone could ever love you, Eddie is there to prove you wrong.

Word count: 2.7k+

@aftermidnightwriting , I hope you will like this one and I hope that it'll cheer you up a little

stranger things masterlist

You always struggled with the thought of falling in love, mostly because you struggled to believe that someone could fall in love with you and stay in love. So many fears followed you, so many anxious thoughts, so many what if’s.

Your self esteem was always low, there have always been things that you didn’t like about yourself, things that you would criticize yourself for. Whether it’s your looks or your personality, there was always something you didn’t like.

If it wasn’t your face then it was your body, if it wasn’t your body, it was your hair and if it wasn’t that it would be the clothes that you wear and if for once you felt good about your looks, you would just simply hate yourself.

You always asked yourself, if you can’t love yourself, who else could love you?

You would always compare yourself to the girls around you, to your friends or the pretty girls from the cheer squad that made everything look so effortless. When you saw them, you just felt more insecure.

And he hates it, he hates the way you see yourself, he hates the way you put yourself down, he hates the way you compare yourself to other girls, he hates the way you think you are so unlovable. You might not show it to him, you might not talk about the way you think and feel about yourself but he can see right through you. He can see the way you long for love, the way you long to be held and kissed when you watch those cute couples on TV, the way you watch old couples with a fond smile on your face which is always followed by a sad one.

He tries.

He wants to be the one to hold you and kiss you, to show you that you are so so lovable, to show you that you deserve everything good, to show you that you deserve to be happy and he tries, he really does but you won’t let him in, you won’t let him love you, you don’t allow him.

But he won’t give up.

Sitting on the blue picnic blanket in Steve’s backyard, you and Nancy are listening intently to Robin as she gushes about her date with one of the girls that used to be on the cheer squad when you were all still in school.

A smile lingers on your face as you stare at your best friend.

Robin’s cheeks are flushed red, she’s waving her hands around as she talks about her.

“–then we got milkshakes at Benny’s, totally cliche, one strawberry milkshake with two straws,” she giggles.

Nancy cups her cheeks as she lays on her stomach, kicking her feet up as she urges Robin to keep going.

“And then what?” You ask, clapping your hands together.

Robin grins, shaking her head as she tries to hide her face behind her short hair, she looks down and bites her lip, “w-we kissed.”

You and Nancy squeal in excitement, grabbing each other’s hands as you feel happiness rushing through you.

“Oh stop it!” She says, playfully rolling your eyes.

“Never,” you giggle, “what kind of a kiss was it? A cute one or a full on hot and rough kiss with tongue?”

Her eyes widen and her cheeks get even redder, “s-stop!”

Nancy smirks, glancing at you, “why so red, Robin?”

You continue teasing her, causing her to get more red but your teasing eventually comes to bite you in the ass. Robin smirks at something behind you, she looks back at you, her eyes flash with mischief.

You furrow your brows, just as you’re about to turn around to see what she’s looking at, you suddenly feel a hand on your shoulders and a small bundle of freshly picked flowers are held in front of you. Your eyes widen and your heartbeat instantly picks up.

“Hey, pretty girl.”

Eddie.

You slowly raise your hand and wrap your hand around the flowers, touching his rough hand, you turn around as a smile appears on your face, you turn your head to look at him.

“Hi,” you whisper.

Eddie smiles at you, eyes flashing with something unreadable.

“I saw these and thought of you,” he smiles, “daisies are your favorites, right?”

Your heart flutters in your chest and your cheeks heat up, you blink as you stare at him in confusion. Why did he get you flowers?

“Y-Yes, I love them,” you say, bringing the flowers up to your nose, you smell them, “thank you, Eddie.”

“My pleasure, sweetheart,” he smiles, looking down at the dress you’re wearing, he blushes a little, smile growing bigger, “you look so pretty today– you always look pretty but– fuck, you look beautiful,” he breathes as he stares at you in awe.

You hear Nancy and Robin giggling behind you, it only makes you blush even more. Your heart starts racing as you stare at him.

You like him, you like him a little too much.

He looks pretty too– in fact, Eddie is the prettiest man you have ever seen. You love his brown eyes and the way they shine when he’s in the sun, you love his curls– Steve might have the best hair but Eddie has the prettiest hair. You love his smile and the way it always lights up your mood.

“Thank you,” you breathe, unable to fight off the smile.

“Hey Eddie! Come here, I gotta show you something!” Dustin yells after stepping out into the garden.

Eddie closes his mouth just as he was about to say something to you.

“Eddie!”

“I’ll talk to you later, princess,” he winks at you before he turns around and rushes back, wrapping his arm around Dustin and ruffling his curls as he walks back inside with him.

You sigh, trying to shake the feeling he left you with. You look down at the flowers with a small smile on your face before you turn around to face your friends, who are quietly staring at you with teasing smiles on their faces.

“Shut up,” you mumble, rolling your eyes.

“We didn’t even say anything,” Robin smirks to which Nancy nods her head.

“You didn’t have to!”

That wasn’t the first time that Eddie had done something sweet for you. He always does so much for you, getting you coffee or breakfast without you having to ask, surprising you with takeout after a long day at work, coming over unannounced with your favorite snacks and movies, getting you cute little presents.

You don’t know why he is doing all of these things and you do wonder if he does them for his other friends too.

He doesn’t.

He only does these things for you.

And you begin to notice it as more time passes.

When you’re all at the movies, he brings you popcorn and your favorite drink– not for the others, just for you.

When you’re at diners or bars, he orders for you, knowing how anxious you get when you have to order.

When you’re all out together and halt in your tracks to tie your shoelaces, everyone keeps walking, everyone except for him– at one point, he even kneeled down in front of you to tie them for you. He left you a blushing mess and smirked at your flustered expression.

Bringing you flowers every Sunday becomes a habit, though it’s always different ones, the daisies are always in the little bundle.

He invites you over to his trailer more often and when you start staying over, he always has your favorite creamer in the fridge and your favorite cereal in the cupboard, he even bought you a mug that he saw you eying with a smile on your face when you passed by one of the stores at the mall.

Eddie treats you like you’re his girl.

And you love it, you love him.

The realization struck you hard and it scares you so much that you almost have a panic attack when you lay on your bedroom floor and look up at the ceiling with a lovesick smile on your face as you think of him, one that quickly falls when you realize just how attached you had gotten to him, how hard you fell for him.

Maybe it’s dramatic but when it all begins to sink in, your blood runs cold and tears well up in your eyes. You didn’t want this, you didn’t want to fall for anyone, let alone one of your closest friends that means the world to you.

What if he doesn’t even feel the same?

What if he will feel weird about your feelings for him?

What if he only does all these things for you because you are his best friend? Because he wants to see you smile?

What if this– your feelings, will ruin the friendship and the bond the two of you have?

He doesn’t feel the same, he can’t, right?

You started crying and you panicked, badly.

A mix of emotions run through you, shock, sadness and anger. Why did he do this? Why did he make you fall for him? Why did he have to be so amazing? Why did he do all these things for you?

Before you know it, you reach for your jacket, put on your shoes, grab your keys and leave the house. Without thinking things through, you make your way to his trailer, with tears streaming down your face.

Yeah, maybe you are being dramatic but you are scared.

It’s the middle of the night, 1am to be exact, there is a chance that he is sleeping already but you didn’t care when you made the decision to go see him, you have to confront him.

By the time you make it there, your chest is rising up and down heavily, your cheeks are soaked with tears, your bottom lip is quivering. You knock on his door, once, twice.

He doesn’t open at first, it takes him a moment but when the light eventually turns on and he opens the door, you can see that he was sleeping before you had disrupted him.

He looks tired and pissed but when he sees you, his expression immediately softens, worry flashes in his eyes when he sees the tears on your face.

“Sweetheart,” he whispers as he reaches for your hand but you step back and shake your head.

His brows furrow and his eyes flash with hurt.

“W-What’s wrong?” He asks as he steps out, trying to get closer to you.

His hair is messy and his eyes look tired.

“W-Why are you doing this?” You ask as more tears well up in your eyes.

Confusion takes over his face and he shakes his head, “doing what?”

“E-Everything! Y-You get me flowers, presents, you take care of me, call me pet names a-and take me out on w-what feels like dates!” You exclaim, blinking as though you try to control the tears that won’t stop falling, “y-you treat my like I’m yours!”

Oh.

As you continue to ramble, listing all the things that he had done for you. Eddie stares at you, taking in the fear in your eyes, the shakiness in your voice– you like it, you like that he takes care of you, that he cares for you but you are scared and worried. You have feelings for him– you have feelings for him.

Just like he has feelings for you.

You have never been in love before, you were always too scared of him. You were scared to let someone in, to be vulnerable, to let someone love you, to let him love you.

But, you are everything to him, you are everything good. You are the one that has always been by his side, the one that he could always count on, the one that was always there, the one that he always loved.

But you weren’t ready and he was fine with that– he would wait for you forever.

You are so beautiful, even with tears rolling down your cheeks and messy hair, you are still the prettiest girl to him.

“Why do you keep doing this–”

Finally, Eddie steps forward and before you can move away, he cups your cheeks, “because I’m trying to prove to you that you are loved.”

A small gasp fall from your lips and you look into the eyes of the man you love. He smiles a little, he wipes away your tears and steps even closer.

“I know that you think that you are unlovable, that you are hard to love, that you’re not fucking perfect but sweetheart, that’s all such bullshit,” he says as he looks deeply into your eyes, “you are an angel, you are the most perfect thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on–”

“I’m not–”

He places his finger on your lips, shushing you, he gives you a stern look, “listen to me, princess.”

Your eyes widen and your cheeks heat up but you nod.

“You are everything to me. You have always been the one that accepted me for who I am, you have always supported me, you were always there for me, writing with me, helping me with campaigns and song texts and shit, baby, you are the sweetest fucking girl, you’re always so good to me, always taking care of me and being so goddamn perfect, I swear to Ozzy, you are the prettiest girl in the whole world, in the whole universe– shit, in all the other universes out there! You were crafted by gods yourself!”

You can’t even help it anymore, a giggle falls from your lips and you shake your head at his words. Your heart is both racing and fluttering in your chest and you look at him with awe in your eyes.

He smiles widely at the sound of your beautiful laugh, leaning down, he presses his lips to your cheek and he gives you a soft kiss.

“I know you struggle to believe me but let me in, let me show you how loved you are,” he whispers.

Your eyes soften as you look at him, you see nothing but the truth in his eyes. He tucks your hair behind your ear and leans in, kissing your tears away slowly, he makes your skin tingle, he makes you feel warm, he makes you feel loved and taken care of.

“I’m crazy about you, sweetheart,” he whispers.

When he finally feels your hands on his waist and you tug him closer, happiness rushes through him, his heart flutters and he looks at you with a large smile on his face.

“I-I’m crazy about you too,” you whisper shakily.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nod.

Even beneath the moonlight, you can see his cheeks glowing red, nervousness flickers in his eyes and he smiles sheepishly.

“I love you, angel, I love you so fucking much.”

“Really?” You whisper with big and hopeful eyes, a gasp falls from your lips.

“Yes,” he smiles, “I love you,” he kisses your cheek, “I love you so much, I would do anything for you,” he kisses your other cheek.

Your heart soars and so does his when you grab his cheeks and pull him down for a kiss. Your lips touch his for the very first time and he can’t help but smile when he feels what he always longed for, your love. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you in deeper. Your lips move softly against each other.

The kiss is slow, sweet and soft.

Eddie’s heart is fluttering and he can’t even fight the smile off.

“I love you, Eddie,” you whisper against his lips.

You love him. You love him the way he loves you.

“You really do?” He whispers.

“Yes,” you say, smiling at him as you continue to gaze into his eyes.

“Are you finally gonna let me love you, princess?”

You nod shyly and peck his lips once more, “yes.”

As he pulls you in for another kiss, he feels like the happiest man alive, the girl he always wanted is finally in his arms, letting him in.

And he swears to himself that he will make you the happiest.

When Eddie pulls you into his trailer, you notice the freshly picked Daisies in the vase, the one's he picked for you, the one's that he planned to give to you the way he does every Sunday morning when he brings you coffee and bagels.

As Eddie wraps you into his arms and kisses you sweetly, you know that you will be loved, that he will always be there to show you just how much you mean to him.

#eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson blurb

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samstersv · 3 months

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ALL JOKES; luke hughes

• based when luke was still playing at umich

• you decide to play a little prank on your bf where you call him your brother after you kiss him

you were on tik tok way too much. and luke was too but definitely not as much as you. he wasn’t on it to the point where he saw the lastest couple pranks when they were still very popular. so of course as his amazing girlfriend you had to pull a little prank on your boyfriend whom you loved so much.

you were sitting on the couch in the house luke shared with some of his hockey buddies. a few of them were sat on other parts of the couch watching tv with heir girlfriends who were going from talking with you and then talking with their respective boyfriends while you sat with a single headphone in on tik tok. luke had sat next to you mere moments before until he had to use the bathroom.

it was perfect timing because that’s when the tik tok pulled up on your “for you page” and gave you the idea to mess with your boyfriend.

the tik tok was of a girlfriend next to her boyfriend. she said some words and then turned to him, he kissed her and she said the words to the camera: “best big brother ever!” and he started laughing.

obviously, you began to think how luke would react to this and knew you had to film this tik tok for yourself.

luke walked out from the bathroom and began to walk over to you till you stood up “babe come here.” you told luke and like a puppy he followed you into the kitchen which was right next to the living room.

you set up your phone and turned to luke who looked at you confused. in the corner of your eye you could also see mark, ethan, seamus and gavin giving y’all some questionable looks. everyone else payed somewhat attention to the both of you with their eyes still trained on the tv.

“okay so when i turn around just kiss me.” you smile up at luke. he was pretty tall compared to you (actually very tall compared to you) so to the camera it was a funny shot.

“okay..” luke gave you a suspicious glance as he watched you step forward to press play. when you backed up in front of luke you began to giggle which made the boys in the living room chuckle and luke laugh at you suspiciously, he knew you had something planned.

“if you wanna get to me, you have to get through him first.” you managed to get out through your giggles.

“preach!” one of the boys yelled from the living room, the culprit being duke tucker. mark let out a laugh at this. the two knew this tik tok and had their eyes glued to the scene.

you turned around to luke and on cue he gave you a kiss. he tried to make it go on for longer but because of the audience before you and the fact that you were in the middle of a tik tok, you broke the kiss and turned back to the camera. “best big brother ever.” you tried to keep a straight face. from behind you both, the boys broke out in laughter and you wish you could rewatch luke’s reaction over and over again like it was the first time.

his jaw dropped as he looked at you and then proceeded to look around awkwardly. “i am not your brother.” his lack of words made the event even funnier to you and all his friends as well. the girls were laughing too and it made the scene all the greater.

luke didn’t know what to do so he grabbed your waist from behind and pulled you into a bear hug “brother?” he laughed “brother?” he repeated, still in disbelief.

“woah big bro you’re getting a little too close there.” luca shouted.

“shut up.” luke laughed as he kissed you “look at what you started.”

“STOP KISSING YOUR SISTER LUKE.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

#luke hughes #jack hughes #quinn hughes #gavin brindley #seamus casey #ethan edwards #mark estapa #dylan duke #umich hockey #hockey x reader #hockey fluff #hockey smut #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes fluff #luke hughes smut #luke hughes imagine #hockey imagine

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soundlessdreamss · 3 months

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Hi!

Can i request lucifer and charlie morningstar with starlight glimmer!Reader?

So the reader was lucifer's child back in heaven and when she saw what her father did without her..She felt anger and sorrow insode herself.. But that didn't stop of her because she fell from heaven to hell...And she changed her appearance so nobody would suspect that she looks similar to lucifer

If you know starlight's cutie mark ability that is different..The reader can collect people's soul and feed the souls to her clock

Her clock is golden one with starlight mark on the behind..And she can time travel but she don't use it alot since she still has some other abilities to keep in control..

And the reader just went to the hazbin hotel just to stay there and help with few stuff... And vaggie knows reader but not that deep..Charlie noticed that the reader had few blonde hair strings like lucifer.. So she thought nothing at first..

And the reader saw alastor as father figure so sometimes the reader calls him father and alastor just tells the reader to call him father which the reader become happy since she didn't had anyone else at all

So when lucifer visits the hotel how he will react?

I could just when lucifer pointed it out alastor would have the biggest grin then spoke

"Oh?,well she calls me her father!"

I wanna see it sooooo badly‼️‼️

It's alright if you don't do it<3

Also can be called the servy anon?

I like your fics sm<3

Hope to see more of it<3

Have good day/evening/night<3

omg I LOVE mlp!! Of course I can write this, I haven’t got that far though so I’m not really sure how starlight glimmer acts but I did a bit of research and I’ll try my best to write this well!

PLATONIC/FATHER ALASTOR X READER X LUCIFER (sorry if this isn’t how u write it, I’m still new to this whole fanfic thing ^_^ ) Also this is kinda angsty, and requests are open!

When you were still a kid in heaven you saw Lucifer as the best father in the world! He loved and cherished you deeply, you didn’t think he would give you up that easily. Would he?

You wanted to play with him one day and looked everywhere for him but you couldn’t find him. You asked an angel if they had any clue where he was but they said he was banished with his wife Lillth because they rebelled against heaven.

he seriously just left you like that? Without a word? To say you were angered was an understatement. you were FUMING. But you also couldn’t help but feel so miserable and depressed that he just left you like that.

you thought he cared about you just as much as you cared about him. But you were wrong.

After a couple hundred years when you became an adult, all of that anger and sorrow that you had stored you from Lucifer, you finally snapped. You took it out on the angels which led you to getting banished for being rude and improper.

The first thing you did in hell was change your appearance because you knew Lucifer was the king of hell and you really didn’t wanna see him again after what he did to you. (You also kinda regretted taking your anger out on the angels who did nothing to you.)

Your first couple months in hell were agonizing as everyone here was so different compared to the angels and people in heaven. It felt like you were an outcast.

You tried to not use your powers as much but when it got really bad you decided to collect their soul and feed it into your clock. Or you sometimes dropped time in order to collect their soul as well.

As you were walking in the streets of hell one day you heard an advertisement about a hotel and it caught your attention. You looked at the tv for the ad and it described a hotel where sinners can be redeemed if they just try to become better.

It sounded like a breath of fresh air compared to all these other advertisements for clubs so you decided why not visit the hotel? It couldn’t be so bad.

After a couple minutes of walking you made it to the hotel and knocked on the door. You were taken aback as a blonde haired girl hugged you tight and welcomed you to the hotel. But you also noticed Vaggie was there.

The blonde hair girl introduced herself as Charlie and also Vaggies girlfriend. (You congratulated Vaggie in private and also mentioned to not let Charlie know about her identity.)

As you were talking to Vaggie in private after being introduced to the hotel and welcomed she told you that Charlie was Lucifer’s daughter. You couldn’t believe it.

Not only did he leave you behind, but he started a whole family without you even knowing. You were in disbelief and asked Vaggie to not let Charlie know that you were her older sister technically.

You both agreed to it and went back to the lobby. Charlie couldn’t help but notice you had blonde streaks in your hair that looked similar to her blonde hair but she just shrugged it off.

You were also introduced to a man named Alastor and he greeted you very kindly. And before you knew it you guys started growing a daughter and father bond.

He treated you just like his daughter if he had one, he filled the parental role that Lucifer never did.

It made your heart happy knowing that you could finally have a father figure that you knew wouldn’t leave you. You guys bonded over the span of a couple weeks and you accidentally called him dad once out loud.

He didn’t mind though and said that you could even call him dad because he thought it was sweet that you saw him as your father.

As the weeks went by Charlie finally had an idea to let heaven approve of their hotel she just needed to call her father to schedule a meeting with heaven for her.

The one thing you didn’t expect her to do was to invite him over though. Fuck. What were you supposed to do now?! You really didn’t wanna see Lucifer again and panicked internally.

You helped the crew set up the hotel for Lucifer’s visit but your anxiety just rose more and more the closer it got to an hour passing by. (Since he said he was going in an hour)

Once it was finally time to greet him he burst through the door and hugged Charlie tightly since he had missed her, he also greeted kiki, and razzle and dazzle. It hurt a bit seeing how much cared for her but didn’t care for you.

You tried hiding behind Alastor a bit but Lucifer looked at his way when he pointed out the reservations and noticed it was you even with the changes you did to yourself.

His breathe got stuck in his throat and he couldn’t believe it was really you after all these years. Oh how he regretted never taking you with him.

He approached you and looked at you closely before saying “[reader], is that really you?…”

He brushed some strands of hair out of your face before pulling you into a hug. That was not something the other members of the hotel expected.

You pushed him off quickly though as you were still angry and uncomfortable with him.

He didn’t get why you pushed him off, he thought you still missed him after all these years of not being together.

It didn’t take too long for Alastor to connect the pieces since he was good observer. You had those blonde streaks in your hair for a reason no?… that’s cause you were related to the king of hell himself, Lucifer.

Alastor than put his hand around your waist pulling you closer. (Not in a romantic way!!) He than spoke up about Lucifer’s behavior. “Lucifer if you don’t mind excusing me but, what exactly are you doing with my daughter?”

Lucifer seemed in shock when he said that. “YOUR daughter? Oh please, you remember don’t you [reader]? It’s me your father, Lucifer! He had a desperate and nervous smile on his face hoping that you would remember him.

Before you could speak up Alastor cut you off and spoke first “Oh really? That’s quite funny cause [reader] calls me her father.”

The whole room went silent after that. Lucifer couldn’t believe it, Alastor was just playing around was he? You were probably just having an inside joke with him but no, you really saw Alastor as your father instead of Lucifer, your ACTUAL father.

You saw the heartbroken look on Lucifer’s face and didn’t know what to say in response but managed to mutter something out. “I’m sorry, but it’s been hundreds of years since that day happened, you need to let me go.”

After managing to mutter that out you excused yourself and went back to your room in the hotel. After Alastor and Lucifer fought over you and Charlie, (and after Charlie and Lucifer sang the song together) Lucifer knocked on the door but you didn’t answer so he teleported inside your room.

Only to see you and Alastor on your rooms balcony together. You were crying on the floor from the painful encounter and Alastor comforted you saying sweet words to make you feel better.

Before Alastor or you could notice Lucifer he quickly left and went back to his palace and rethought about his choices he made with you. He knew he couldn’t get his daughter back, it was already too late. If only he made the decision to take you with him.

note: I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS!! please don’t be shy to send me requests, I’ll gladly write more fun things like this. ^_^

#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader #alastor x reader #platonic #platonic x reader #light angst

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bettsfic · 2 months

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Betts. how do I stop feeling jealous of everyone and everything and just focus on myself? I'm tired of being comprised of nothing but envy.

story time:

so i was recently at Millay, which is one of the top artist residencies in the country. they have an acceptance rate of something like 3%. when i was shown my room, there was a packet of all the residents' artist bios. i sat down and read through all of them. most of them were like half a page in length, single-spaced, listing out accomplishments i could never dream of. one artist had won a guggenheim. one author had published 12 books. another author published her first book at 19 years old. these were people who were extremely well accomplished and respected in their fields.

and we all became very good friends!

and then there was me. my bio was 3 sentences listing out a couple short publications and awards and other residencies i'd done. and my honest to god first thought was, "wow, the jurors must have really liked my writing to have accepted me among all these great artists."

and my second thought was, "that's the healthiest thing i have ever thought."

i had no jealousy of their accomplishments. even though my career hadn't even begun compared to theirs, i didn't attend dinner that night with any impostor syndrome. and that confirmed for me that i had grown out of whatever place i used to be in as a person, where i was basically a raw wound wrapped in barbed wire. everything hurt me and i hurt everything in return.

jealous feelings come from an intense need of external approval, but as i've mentioned in other asks, approval and validation is a well that gets filled over time. at our introductory dinner that night, i didn't talk about my work in the hope of convincing everyone i deserved to be there, which was what i would've done a few years before. instead we all ended up talking about a TV show. the most highbrow place i've ever been in my life, and we're getting wine drunk and discussing at length a cheesy discovery channel reality series. the guggenheim winner: loves box turtles. the guy who's published 12 books: his favorite movie is Spirited Away. the girl who published a book at 19: reads One Direction fanfic. the well-lauded poet: old school tumblrina.

actually, 4 out of 7 of us read fanfic and we had some great conversations about it. sometime i'll tell you about introducing the co-director of the residency to AO3.

when you think of the most accomplished and successful writer you've ever read, remember that they are, at the very core of their being, a nerd. and if you were to eat dinner with them, you would, with enough polite inquisitiveness, be able to unlock the goofy side of them that binges Property Brothers.

so that was the big change for me, i think. i started asking a lot of questions. i stopped talking and i started listening. it seems counterintuitive that admitting to not knowing stuff shows confidence, but it does. pretending you know stuff is what looks insecure. i think for me, i put so much of myself in my work, i wanted my work to be lauded so i could feel accomplished, and feeling accomplishment would let me believe i deserved to exist. but over time, i've reframed that mentality. my work is a thing that exists beyond me and is private to those who read it. it comes from me, but it is not me. what i am is just the person i am, and my life is a series of moments i choose for myself, and i am allowed to exist.

even sending this ask shows that you've begun filling your well. it takes someone who's already come a long way to realize jealousy isn't the status quo and is a feeling to be overcome. and you can overcome it. you can reach a place where you have enough success that other people's success has nothing to do with you, and you're free to just be happy for them. and when you read work that's better than yours you feel joy at learning something new.

so put your work into the world and let it be rejected. you'll rack up a couple wins or close calls, and those will give you energy to be rejected some more. and eventually you'll be rejected so much that rejection doesn't feel like anything, and you will have won enough to realize your work has a place in the world, and that place is no bigger or smaller than anyone else's. your work is allowed to exist simply as it is, and you are allowed to exist simply as you are.

#writing advice #feelings #jealousy

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justanotherhh · 1 month

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alastor and touch

just a post documenting alastor and touches throughout the show

I didn't include the pilot, but i do want to mention it, because one thing that's quite striking is how they changed that element from pilot!alastor to show!alastor somewhat. might make a separate post for the pilot at some point to compare

I also did a mix of when alastor noticeably doesn't touch someone directly and in what contexts he gets touched, as well as a couple of other related boundaries and moments of interest

ep1 overture: alastor doesn't touch anyone in this episode. also noting that this is the episode where we get him unequivocally turning down angel's advances, and avoiding being filmed several times, with the iconic "this face was made for radio" line, so not only is he not touching, he's also making some general boundaries clear

ep2 radio killed the video star: 1. niffty crawls up alastor and he picks her up and puts her down. she crawls up him again. he clearly doesn't mind 2. sir pentious rips off a corner of his coat. alastor blows him up -- he later burns the piece of coat that sir pentious had kept: "not many people have been able to take even this much off me." 3. the entirety of the vox vs al showdown is of course notably done over radio/tv, so they're never in the same room. just interesting in terms of how it goes down with them generally in s1, they're constantly kept at a distance via screens and airwaves

ep3 scrambled eggs: 1. taps an egg boi with his staff, while threatening it. generally uses his stick to interact with the egg bois -- pointing, tapping, etc 2. another brief "makes screen fuzzy on a security camera"

ep4 masquerade: notably the episode (with lots of sexual content and specifically valentino) where he doesn't appear, except for briefly in a flashback

ep5 dad beat dad: 1. shakes lucifer's cane, rather than his hand -- he also wipes his hand on his suit afterwards, as if disgusted 2. TOUCHES CHARLIE'S SHOULDER!! notably in front of lucifer in order to piss him off. then goes ONE STEP FURTHER and partially puts his arm around her when saying how proud they all are of her 3. grabs lucifer and spins him out of the way during his part of the song 4. picks niffty out of the toilet 5. during the song: dances with charlie, pats her on the head/tucks her in, and puts his hands on her shoulders 6. during the song: pushes lucifer aside again, including doing a little hip shove 7. lucifer grabs him by his lapels and gets right in his face 8. hugs mimzy 9. grabs charlie and steers her by the shoulders 10. grabs/strokes husk's ear 11. grabs husk via his leash 12. rips the bad guys apart with his tentacles. also picks them up with his hands and eats them 13. mimzy pokes him several times in the chest. he removes her finger in annoyance, and boops her on the nose condescendingly

ep6 welcome to heaven: the other episode that notably includes a sex club (and also heaven and a lot of talk about redemption) that does not involve alastor

ep7 hello rosie: 1. grabs charlie's shoulders, and then her face, forcing her to smile 2. grabs her shoulders again when talking about the angels 3. touches her hair, and then sidehugs her while selling her on the deal 4. DEAL HANDSHAKE 5. more shoulder grabbing, cheek pinching, and patting on head when he's talking about her being charming and capable 6. links arms with her while taking her to rosie 7. rosie joyfully grabs him and spins him around 8. grabs charlie when introducing her to rosie 9. gives charlie his mic in order to help her inspire the cannibals (later replaced with a cane given by rosie) 10. dances with rosie, including a little dip

ep8 the show must go on: 1. more attempted screen voyeurism by vox 2. charlie uses alastor's cane again to speech 3. niffty crawls over him again and places a crown of roaches on his head (possibly his most openly joyous moment) 4. fights adam using his shadow tentacles and creatures, before getting seriously wounded by him (and then has his famous mental breakdown at the idea that his reputation could have been blemished by having been read as altruistic of all things, *spits*) 5. the torn picture of alastor and vox shows them a little apart from one another 6. appears in the middle of the hotel gang and is hugged by charlie, patted on the back by vaggie, and also adorably hugged around the legs by niffty

GENERAL OBSERVATIONS: 1. other characters do initiate more touches, with husk being the other character who's more standoffish, but that's also his general slowly beginning to open up emotionally and he shifts especially with regards to angel after ep4 (although he does do casual pats and the like before that + the massage) 2. generally everyone touches casually in some way or other throughout the show, including in background moments, except for alastor, who always touches very deliberately, whether it's for violence, manipulation, condescension, or affection -- he doesn't seem to engage in casual touch, but does accept it from certain individuals (mainly niffty). for example in dad beat dad in which he initiates the most touches, he's pissing off lucifer and manipulating charlie. he hasn't touched her before this on the show proper, and he's doing it because he has an audience and is trying to convince both lucifer and her of something (that he's a better mentor/support system than lucifer) 3. similarly when he's being very familiar with charlie in hello rosie, he's selling her on making a deal with him, and then on making himself indispensable to her, while also grooming her*** [EDIT: been informed that this could be misread: "grooming" here meant in the general sense of mentoring her in a way that would benefit him, as he says "she's full of potential that i could guide," NOT in a sexual context] -- in true alastor fashion it's hard to say what's sincere and what's self-serving, but it certainly all serves a purpose 4. that being said, i think charlie has become a character he doesn't mind touching, just like he doesn't mind it with niffty, rosie, or mimzy. funnily enough the only time charlie initiates a touch with him is in the finale, when she's relieved he's alive 5. i think the kinds of touches from each of these characters is different. with charlie it's that aforementioned part-manipulation, part-mentor type vibe, where he's very much insinuating himself into her good graces and trust, with niffty it's because She Is A Creature Who Crawls, with mimzy there's a Past (and she clearly crosses a boundary because she thinks she can with him, and he puts his foot down on that), and with rosie there's a respect. before i did this noting down i also thought he touched rosie way more than he actually does, but he only does it once in order to dance (which, if anything else even applies, i think is his main source of actually enjoying touching others, i personally don't think he actually enjoys hugs, it's just a Thing some people expect of you), and simply acquiesces to her grabbing him in the first scene. again, i think he accepts this because he likes her 6. This Deer Does Not Touch Men If He Can Help It

CONCLUSION: if alastor respects you, he will let you touch him to an extent. he's not touchy himself, and mainly does it as a show of power, manipulation, and condescension (lucifer, mimzy, husk, charlie), but he likes dancing. he stays faaar away from sexual contexts in general

I also want to do a separate post on alastor and respect/closeness/familiarity, because i think it's worthwhile analysing how he expresses these things with characters on his terms (for example, giving charlie the mic says far more about his positive feelings towards her than any of the times he touches her), and it's mostly very clear when he's comfortable in a situation and when he's not

#aroace alastor #alastor #hazbin hotel #hh meta #alastor meta #my meta

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changbunnies · 3 months

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One & Only, (18+)

♡ Pairing: Boyfriend!Bang Chan x Fem!Reader

♡ Genre: fluff, smut, pre-established relationship, some light plot to establish the setting, college au but it's a background detail

♡ Word Count: 4.6k

♡ Summary: Following a perfect Valentine's Day date, you decide you're ready for the next step in your relationship with Chan. You want him, and you know he wants you- and the only thing left to do is tell him exactly how you feel.

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): petnames (pretty, baby) corruption kink, virgin + inexperienced reader, mutual masturbation, fingering (f rec), handjob

♡ Notes: i wanted to upload something short (compared to what i usually write anyways) for valentines day and i’ve been wanting to write corruption kink channie for a while now, so what better time to do it! i hope you enjoy <3

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

You sighed as you flopped on the bed, freshly changed into your pajamas- next to you lies Chan, your best friend and roommate turned boyfriend, easily the love of your life, and you nervously chew your bottom lip, faced with the choice of what to do next now that your first Valentine's Day as a couple had come to an end. Returning to your shared apartment, nerves rattling away at you as you changed out of your prettiest, formal dress and now on the bed, trying your best not to overthink your situation.

If you were being blunt and honest, you just really wanted to have sex with him- or at least take the next step in that direction. But the thought of it was utterly nerve wracking; every time he looked at you with his handsome, dimpled smile and pretty brown eyes, and you pictured seeing that same expression while he was hovering over you in your newly shared bed, it made your heart race out of control.

After an awkward, impromptu confession that led to you becoming a couple, the two of you slowly began sharing your space, until one day you stopped going back forth between bedrooms and decided to just share one. You chose your room to share in the end- Chan, the gentleman that he is, let you have the larger room when you moved into this apartment as roommates, and it was the natural choice when deciding which of you would be moving their belongings into the other room. And it was nice, exciting even, to help Chan move his belongings into your space until it became not justs yours but his too.

But lately, sharing a bedroom served a problem- now that you slept in the same bed every night, you were becoming increasingly more aware of how badly you want him. And thanks to being friends and roommates before you were together, you knew had experience- experience that you felt you were sorely lacking. And it's not like you ever felt shame over the fact that you were still a virgin in college (as it's much more realistic than tv shows and movies would lead you to believe) but somewhere deep down you worried your lack of experience would make things awkward and unenjoyable.

That awareness of experience was equal, because in turn Chan was well aware of your sexual history (or lack thereof). You knew he wouldn't judge you, he would never be anything but kind and considerate, but it was hard to prevent self doubt from digging its claws into your embarrassingly fragile heart. You knew it was silly to feel this way knowing all that you do about Chan's character and his care for you that extends beyond titles of friend or girlfriend, but your nerves ate away at you regardless.

You kissed people before Chan, and that was unfortunately the extent of your prior experience. Your kisses were shared with fleeting crushes in high school, inside the confines of short lived relationships that never made it past first base. You didn't mind at the time- you weren't ready for more then, and you weren't going to compromise on sex just to keep a relationship going. But now here you were, an adult with little to no experience; and now that you were ready you were plagued by the idea that all of the awkwardness and exploration you could've gotten past in your adolescence will now be Chan's burden.

He wouldn't actually view it as such, you knew for a complete fact that he wouldn't- but the thing about self doubt is that logical thought does little to prevent it from taking root. And you felt terrible because Chan noticed you were feeling off since coming back to the apartment following your date; of course he did, he always noticed when you weren't acting like your usual self. You had such a perfect date together and now you were ruining it with your virginal rumination.

"What's on your mind, pretty?" Chan asks as he tucks the fallen hair behind your ears, the beautiful necklace he gifted you as your date came to a close perfectly adorning your neck. A silver locket in the shape of a heart, with dainty gems accented into the patterned engraving, which you opened to find a picture of the two of you after your first date. It was so perfect that you were speechless, and he admitted it took him months of saving to afford it (which was why your Christmas gift was something much less expensive in comparison and instead purely sentimental.)

"I-I'm sorry, I just.." you swallowed as you looked at him, your heart squeezing both from your nerves and from just how soft his expression is. "I was just thinking.. that I want to do more than just.. makeout, y'know..?"" You try your best not to blush from the admission, especially not when he starts smiling at you, but you can't stop your face from burning, and you turn your gaze away from his eyes, embarrassment taking its hold.

"Baby, look at me," he speaks softly but you can hear the smile in his voice before you even meet his gaze again to see it. It's a gentle smile that relays sweetness and care, but there's an underlying excitement beneath; because while he would never do anything to rush or pressure you along, he obviously wants more too. You're gorgeous, his best friend, his dream girl- of course he wants you. "You sure? I know it's a special day but we don't have to rush it or anything. I've already got the perfect gift."

You smile- timidly, but genuinely. He's so impossibly sweet, always; it's one of the main reasons why you fell for him in the first place. "Yeah, I'm sure- and I promise it's not just because it's Valentine's Day. I've been thinking about it, and I really want to, I'm just.. nervous is all. I've never.. you know.." You hesitantly meet his stare, your hand now nervously and unconsciously fiddling with the locket he gifted you that hangs from your neck.

It’s unceremonious the way his cock starts to throb from your timid words alone, almost shameful. He doesn't even know how much further than making out you're even going to go, but his body reacts regardless, independently from his brain that recognizes your need for slow, careful affection. There’s a million things he wants to say- “we’ll go slow” or “I’ll take care of you” or even “I love you” but his brain practically short circuits when you lift yourself from the pillows, locket dangling as you come closer to him, leaning down to press your lips to his.

A moment of confidence? Or maybe you already knew all the things he’d say and didn’t need to hear them? You’re not entirely atop him- that’s still a step too far in uncharted territory, but this at least.. Kissing him is something you can do without getting in your own head about experience and desirability. His fingers rest behind your ear, his thumb stroking your cheek as he kisses you- softly and slowly at first, the way he always does. It’s always a build up, his lips taking their time, his every caress careful but deliberate.

He always makes your heart race when he kisses you, makes your stomach do somersaults and blood run hot. Nerves aside, it’s undeniable how much you want him. One hand on his chest and the other in his hair, he’s careful when sits up from the bed to adjust your positions, conscious to not cause you to remove your hands from his body as you move in tandem with him. You let him lay you back down, catching just a glimpse of him hovering over you before your eyes are closing again as he kisses you. When his tongue licks your lips, you open your mouth to him without so much as a thought- it’s automatic, innate the way you welcome him into you.

It always makes you dizzy, the way Chan’s tongue dances around yours, swirling and building the excitement from deep within your gut to new heights you didn’t know possible. This time however, there’s an added desire, his kisses and gentle touches more impassioned with the promise that you’ll be giving him more; more skin to kiss and touch, to feel under his calloused fingertips, to admire and love and venerate. You’re all he wants, all he’s ever wanted, really; and he wants you to know, desperately wants to show you how much he desires you.

One arm holds his weight up while the hand on your face starts to trail away, fingers tracing the skin it travels over. Careful, slow, deliberate- it’s foreign but comfortable, somehow. When he hesitates, you affirm, you chase his touch, you pull him back, you silently plead with desperate eyes and eager breaths. Your face grows hot when your shirt comes off, his gaze hungrier when met with the sight of your bare chest, nipples hardened more so from the building anticipation than from the cool air.

He wants to dote on you- call you cute, caress your burning cheeks, kiss the blush on your face and feel the heat of it on his lips. So he does, slowly so as to not overwhelm you, word choice careful as to not embarrass you. Your cheeks burn brighter, but you smile; a cute, shy one that his cock reacts to in equal measure to his heart. Pretty, beautiful, cute, he says it all as he starts to trail his kisses around the shell of your ear and to your neck.

And you’re shy, impossibly so, but you indulge in the affection, as happy as you are timid and out of your depth. You can count on a single hand the amount of times he started kissing your neck during a makeout session, and you were always left wanting more but were much too sheepish to admit your building desire. But after that first time, when you were in the bathroom that night and saw the trail of small, just barely visible bruises left behind on your neck, you knew- you wanted more, and he was being considerate, holding back for your sake.

You didn’t need that anymore, nor did you want him to- don’t hold back, don’t hesitate, leave your mark for all to see, touch and kiss and suck wherever you want. That’s what you want to tell him, but it’s hard to formulate that thought into words when the feeling of his lips on your neck and fingers ghosting over your nipples makes your brain grow fuzzy. He’ll get the hint though, you think, when you tilt your head to the side to allow him easier access to your skin and a whine leaves your lips.

He can feel your body tremble, can hear and feel your breath hitch when his attention to your skin grows in intensity. Harsher sucks to your pulse point, more deliberate rubs of your nipples between his fingers- still careful, but no longer entirely delicate, as if you’re made of porcelain. No, his touches are now firmer, with more purpose and intention, more confidence now that it’s clear your admission of wanting more was not something said just to appease his growing desire to have you.

He throbs when he pulls back to look at you; face flushed, skin varying in shades of pink and red, breath a near pant, hair fanned out and growing messy, the locket he gave you still staring back at him in the middle of it all. His fingers trail over it and you watch him carefully, trying to gauge what he’s feeling. “Should I take it off..?” you ask, wondering if it’ll get in the way somehow and he quickly shakes his head, leaning back down to you, his lips just barely touching yours.

“Fuck no, leave it on. I love seeing it on you like this. Like-” he stops a moment, carefully considering if what he’s going to say will scare you off. But fuck it, you’re all being honest tonight, right? So why shouldn’t he say what he’s really thinking? “Like you’re mine. All mine,” he finally says, and though shy, you smile as you expertly play into it, feeding his fantasies. “I am yours Channie, I’m always yours.” Oh, you really have him now (as if he wasn’t already impossibly yours to begin with- you don’t even know the depth of his belonging to you.)

Chan thought about you like this so many times- for years if he's being honest. He always felt guilty; the way he fantasized about you, his best friend for all his formative years and then his roommate, spread out for him and crying his name, clutching him so tightly that your nails dig into his skin. He just couldn't control it, and even his dreams, which were once innocent in nature (if you could believe it), you were there, whimpering on his cock, back arching as hushed whispers of praise were spoken into your ears, your eyes rolling back and drool escaping the corner of your parted lips.

He wanted you, fuck, he wanted you, always have and he’s sure he always will. A single kiss and then he’s pulling back again, his hands trailing just over the hem of your pajama shorts. You unconsciously hold your breath, and maybe it’s his ability to read the nerves all over your expression that lead him to hesitate, capturing your gaze with sweet consideration despite how much he yearns to see all of you. “Nervous?” he asks and you nod, thankful when he kisses away the tension building in your body.

“It’s okay if you’re not ready for that yet,” he reassures you, taking his hands away from your hips and instead moving them up to your waist, where he knows you’re comfortable with his touch. “I-I am, I want to, I promise! It’s just..” you trail off, and Chan offers you a sweet smile, stroking your cheek as you once again fumble nervously with the locket on your neck. “It’s a lot, I know,” he finishes for you, and you’re relieved he understands (not that you even suspected otherwise- he’s always been the sweetest guy you know.)

He returns to kissing you softly and sweetly, his hands exploring the regions he knows you to be ready for, never wandering too far below your stomach. When he pulls away, your curiosity gets the better of you- you look where he rests between your legs, his erection noticeably straining in his sweatpants, a wet patch of what can only be pre-cum darkening the gray fabric. While you feel shy looking at it, Chan seems to welcome the curiosity, a slight smile playing on his lips. “Want to see it?” he asks and you gulp, tearing your eyes away to look back at his face. “Y-Yeah, can I..?”

“Course, baby,” he replies easily, his smile growing ever so slightly as he straightens up to remove his pants. You swallow, blush flaring as you watch him slide his sweatpants and boxers down his legs. Rather than returning to his spot between your legs, he settles next to you, sitting up against the headboard and making himself comfortable. Chan looks at you, watching as your eyes travel and drink him in; you take notice of how his cock twitches as you stare, how pre-cum steadily drips from the tip, how prominently his vein runs down the length of it.

You're not sure what words are appropriate when it comes to describing your feelings towards seeing him bare, but you know you like it- you really like it. Your gaze makes him throb- desire, need, love, all wrapped together with a pretty ribbon of innocence and purity. He's being patient, but fuck, he wants to ruin you, wants to see your eyes well with pretty tears and body painted with ropes of his cum. "Do you want to touch it?" he asks, hopeful and raging with want- for you, your touch, your kiss, your pleasured voice, everything.

"Y-Yes, but.. I don't know how to.. how do I make you feel good..?" you ask with the cutest pout he's ever seen, and he truly feels like his heart is getting struck by lightning; you're going to drive him insane with need before the night is over. "I can show you," he offers, smiling when you quickly nod. You're amazed by how confidently he takes it in his hand, not a single ounce of shyness to be found in his actions, unlike you; you wonder if you'll ever be the same- able to act without timid embarrassment eating away at you.

Even compared to his large hands, Chan's cock appears impossibly thick, and you swallow as you watch him collect pre-cum from the head before he spreads it down the entirety of his length. His fingers trace the vein before he takes it fully in his hand, his gaze entirely fixed on your face as he starts to slowly pump himself. You swallow, completely mesmerized, the butterflies in your stomach thrashing violently. You look back up to his face when you hear his breath shudder, blush growing with the realization that your stare had an effect on him.

When Chan lets himself look away from your face, he notices the way your thighs press together, how you squirm in place as you watch him, yearning for touch- and it gives him an idea. "Can I-" he exhales a shaky breath, fisting his cock just the slightest bit faster when you meet his gaze again, "Can I see how you make yourself feel good too? Can you show me?" Your face burns hotter, your legs pressing harder together as his question rings in your ears. You swallow, impossibly nervous but equally as excited, and you nod timidly after a few moments of careful consideration.

"Y-Yeah, okay," you mumble as you shift your position to get your pajamas and panties down your legs. You timidly watch his expression as you settle yourself across from him, aware enough that he should have a good view of everything (even if the action of spreading your legs for him makes you want to cover your face in embarrassment.) Chan exhales another breath as he tightens his grip on his cock, licking his lips when he sees just how wet you are. You're dripping and it's all for him, because of him- finally, his dreams become realized.

Similarly to what he did to himself, you rub your fingers up and down between your folds, gathering the arousal on your fingers before you bring them to your aching clit. You bite your lip, shy as ever and embarrassed by the noises that leave you. You close your eyes in an effort to ebb away the shyness and focus on the pleasure, but you're still starkly aware of his presence, of his eyes watching your every move. You can hear his low groans and harsh breaths, can hear the sound of his fist pumping faster when you let out another whimper between your bitten lip.

It astounds you how something this embarrassing can also be so arousing- you don't think you've ever been more excited than you are now, and the mess between your thighs and under your ass is definitely a testament to that. As the moment continues, with you timidly opening your eyes to watch him again, he doesn't fail to notice that you focus entirely on your clit, so he has to ask- "Do you ever- fuck- put your fingers inside?"

God, as if your face isn't already hot enough- but it's a fair question, and you answer as best you can between the noises you fail to keep internal. "S-Sometimes, but- it's- I don't-" you try, though you fail to formulate the words you wish to say; partly due to pleasure fogging your brain, and partly due to not even knowing how to phrase your thoughts the best in the first place. "It's hard? Doesn't feel as good?" Chan takes an educated guess, and you nod, relieved he found the words for you.

He understands- your fingers are dainty, and it must be hard trying to get them angled deep, hard to find the spot that makes you see stars when you have to contort your body to barely comfortable positions. "If you want- if you're comfortable, I can.. do it for you..? Help you?" Oh. If you're being honest, you've thought about how good his fingers must feel so many nights while touching yourself, wondering about how good they'd make you feel, how expertly they'd make you cum. "R-Really? You want to?" you ask- perhaps a stupid question, but there's still a part of you that can't even believe he's attracted to you, even this far into your relationship.

"God, yes, isn't it obvious? C'mere, baby," Chan beckons you back to him, and you oblige. You crawl your way back to your spot next to him, sitting on your knees but with your legs still spread apart. He takes his dominant hand off his cock, bringing it instead between your legs, slowly rubbing and getting his fingers wet enough to slide easily inside. His opposite hand resumes the motion on his cock, and you unconsciously tremble- both because of the hand between your legs, and because the sight before you is so fucking hot (to put it bluntly.)

"You're so fucking sexy," Chan utters, starting with just one finger, pressing it inside slowly, and your reaction is immediate- body shuddering as a gasp escapes you, biting your lip as he pumps his finger slowly, ensuring you're comfortable and adjusted before he adds another. "Pretty, so pretty," he continues, the tips of fingers rub your deepest parts with hardly any effort on his part, and when he finds your sensitive spot you positively jolt, every nerve constricting as if thrown in an ice bath, body tense, stomach clenching as the pleasure builds.

"My gorgeous fucking baby- feels good, doesn't it?" he asks, a theoretical question with no expected answer, but you're whining and nodding your head, your hips acting independently of the rest of you, rolling and bouncing and chasing every ounce of pleasure that can be derived from Chan's fingers. He presses his thumb to your clit, simply keeping pressure there as the motion of riding his fingers provides all the friction you need.

"C-Channie, feels so good, think I'm gonna-" before you can finish voicing the words, you're gasping and crying out. You're hot, your dripping with sweat, you're utterly floating as you're hit with wave after wave of explosive pleasure. He doesn't dare remove his fingers until you've finished riding it out, but to his surprise, you grab his wrist when he starts to pull his hand away, your eyes glassy and pleading.

"More? Please, more?" you ask so sweetly, and again he throbs, licking his lips as he takes in the sight of you- debauched, dewy, and flushed, world shattered in the best way possible. "Yeah baby, I can give you more. Course I can," Chan says before he's thrusting his fingers inside as if there was never a pause. Your eyes roll back as you bite your lip, your grip on his wrist tightening as you grind down against his fingers, always meeting them halfway.

When you open your eyes to look at him again, you can't help but notice that the pace of the hand on his cock is sloppy and uneven, and while you doubt you'll fare much better, you decide to take over for him, to try to please him just as much as he has you. You hear him utter a quiet curse as he takes his hand away, letting you replace it with your own. It's a sight, a feeling, that he wants engraved in his memory- you, riding his fingers while your hand desperately pumps his cock, giving him your best effort and trying your hardest to make him cum despite how much your arousal fills your brain with fluff.

"Fuck, baby-" he groans, reaching his hand out to the nape of your neck, pulling you down to capture your lips in a kiss, his tongue shoving it's way in your mouth before you can even process that your lips are touching. His hips buck when your thumb glides over the tip, sensitive and leaking, your soft hands sticky and wet and perfect. You hold his gaze when the kiss breaks, all your shy tendencies and thoughts of embarrassment seeming to fade to the very back of your mind, replaced entirely by desire and need- not just to cum again, which you unmistakably want, but to watch Chan cum too, to watch him fall apart and know that it was all thanks to you.

The room is filled with the slick sounds of your hands working each other, of heavy, panting breaths, of low groans from Chan and barely restrained, quiet whimpers from you, a sinful symphony played exclusively for your own ears. "Oh fuck, fuck-" he grits out, clenching his jaw and brows knitting together as he tries to stave his orgasm off long enough to watch you fall apart again first.

You can feel his vein pulsing beneath your fingers, can feel him twitch and throb, and there's a sense of pride you've never felt before that comes with it- it doesn't just feel good to cum, you realize, it feels good to watch your lover cum too, to be the reason they're losing composure and falling apart. "Y-You're close, Channie? Gonna cum?" He groans as he nods, licking his drying lips as his head falls back, unsure if he can hold it back much longer than he already has.

"Yeah baby, gonna- gonna cum for you, fuck-," Chan, who knows it's only a matter of seconds before he has no choice but to let go, mercilessly targets your sweet spot, his fingers all but drilling into it as his thumb rubs messy circles on your clit. Your hips stutter before your body seizes with overwhelming pleasure, the pace of your hand on Chan's cock faltering as your eyes roll back and you surrender yourself to the blissful sensation washing over you.

Chan follows quickly, the sight of you cumming again on his fingers breaking the already impossibly thin line holding him together, hot cum shooting out and spilling on his chest and stomach. You collapse next to him, legs aching (your knees especially) and body utterly exhausted. Your shyness returns when he turns his head to look at you with a sweet smile on his lips, and you blush as you return the smile.

You're both messy, in desperate need of a shower and a change of bedsheets before you actually sleep, but you bask in the moment regardless. He reaches for a tissue on the nightstand to clean the cum off his stomach before it dries and becomes a pain to wash off, and the moment it's done you're back in his arms, being hugged tight with kisses pressed to your forehead, your warm cheeks, and then your lips.

You curl into him, one of your hands holding the locket as you return his affection, pouring all your unspoken love and affection into the kiss you share. Your first Valentine's Day of hopefully a lifetime more, your joy immeasurable, your love boundless; a perfect day with an equally perfect end. You tell him you love him as he helps you clean up in the shower, he tells you he loves you as he helps you get dressed before he dresses himself, you share “i love you”s as you relax into each other in bed. You sleep, happy and warm and loved, secure in the knowledge that truly, this is only the beginning, and there’s still years worth of experiences left to share.

#ksmutsociety #skzstarnet #skz x reader #bang chan x reader #skz smut #bang chan smut #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz fanfic #mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune

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staytinyville · 4 months

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Kiss a Girl

↣ Summary: When Bang Chan is finally over a break up, he comes across someone that seemed to make things feel like he was a high schooler again.

↣ Characters/Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

↣ Genre: fluff

↣ AU/Trope info: idol!au, webtoon artist!reader, foreign!reader, post break-up, song inspired fic

↣ Word Count: 2.9k

↣ Warnings: none

↣ A/N: I am from Texas where country songs are just a must. I grew up on like 2000s country songs and will always go back to them lol. But I heard Keith Urban while I was in the store the other day and was like. This is giving Bang Chan. Could it be because they are both Australian? Quite possibly. But TBH I do wanna hear Bang Chan sing one of Keith Urban’s songs.

Staytinyville’s Permanent Taglist

↣ Affiliates: @cultofdionysusnet , @k-labels , @k-vanity

↣ Special Thanks: Thank you @saradika-graphics for the amazing banners! Please go check her out if you have specific banners in mind. She is great!

You have been in Korea for the past month doing some things for a work project you would never have thought to be possible. You were just a simple college kid a couple years ago who enjoyed making comics about a couple OC you created years ago. When the story became a hit around the world it garnered a lot of attention.

Especially TV companies that were asking you if they could create your story into a series.

You, being someone who was studying in the entertainment industry, agreed they could use it so long as you were allowed to work on the project with them. Your credits in college really help to put them along for the ride. Now you were going to be living in Korea for a bit until production finished and the whole series came out on the TV.

In the past month, you had made some good friends with the people you worked with. There were A-list actors who enjoyed your company and sometimes would invite you out to go drinking with them. While you did enjoy going with them, you found yourself attached to your translator a lot more compared to them.

It was easy to find people who spoke English, especially in the area you were working in. But the way your translator had to stick closer to you than others, you both found yourselves becoming close friends. And for them, as someone who worked closely in an industry that called for a lot of high ends, they were the ones who often took you out to fancy places where normal people would only wait years to get reservations.

“This is a very classy spot.” You told your friend as you looked around the club.

“It's a very high end club.” Your friend/translator told you. “Like only a select few people can get in.”

You laughed out loud. “How did you pull it off then?” You asked.

“Did you forget where it is that we work at?” They laughed. “Of course we are going to get the best stuff. Just gotta be careful because they will make us sign NDA.” They deadpanned at the end.

You laughed even louder. You glanced around for a moment to find where the bar was, easily spotting it along with a crowd. Just as you were about to head in that direction, you froze for a moment just as someone passed in front of you.

You let out a polite excuse me, bowing your head just a bit. The person looked at you oddly for a moment before giving you a small smile and telling you it was alright. When the man began to walk away, you tried to keep a neutral face, but were secretly panicking inside over you had just ran into.

“Bro!” You gasped quietly, smacking your friend’s arm. “Did I just see Yugyeom? Like the idol?” You gushed.

“Probably.” They looked over your shoulders, frowning as they nodded. “This is a popular club for idols because it's so exclusive.”

“Why would you bring me here?” You looked at them wide eyed, feeling like you were going to make a fool of yourself and risk a lot of things.

“This is where a lot of people in the entertainment industry come when they want to experience normal things. Like a club.” They explained to you. “This place is also really popular with the younger generations. You’ll probably come across a couple of people winding down from promotions and stuff.”

You did in fact see a couple of more idols. Your friend was the one who explained to you who was in attendance at the club for the ones you weren’t able to pick out right away. There was a good amount of older people as well, at least at the bar.

Once you got a drink in, you dragged your friend out to dance, laughing as songs you weren’t able to make out the words to blasted on the speakers. WIth how much your smile seemed to stretch across your face, other people began to notice you. Many of them were much to shy or reserved to go out and dance along with you but there were a few who wanted to feel your excitable energy.

“Hello.” A girl smiled while talking in English, coming into your closer circle.

“Hi.” You beamed, holding your hands out to grab onto hers. “Come dance!” You swung her arms around as you tried your best to not look like a fool.

But it seemed the more others drank and the night went on, you didn’t have to worry much about that. Things would never change once people had alcohol in their systems to make them let loose just a bit.

With you dancing along with the girl, a lot more came to join your side as your contagious positive attitude had an effect on others around you.

“Like this.” The girl laughed, trying to copy your silly jumps.

“Yes!” You laughed, trying to get others to dance as well.

Just as a large crowd was beginning to form on the dance floor, there were others going around and enjoying their time with friends. There was an idol who had just arrived after finally getting out of his post-break-up slump. He was ready to get back out there and mingle with new people after being in a mental blockage when it came to friends.

His bandmates had gotten him to agree to going out with his closer friends that weren’t any of them. They had other things to do, which did make him a bit upset but as they had told him, he had a life outside of them as well.

“Chan!” Yugyeom hugged the man’s side. “Look at you! Finally out.” He said, showing him towards where the others of the group were.

“I don't know.” Chan nodded to himself. “I'm ready to be out.” He said.

“For once and it's not in the studio.” Another one of their friends teased, lightly punching Chan in the arm.

The Australian laughed, looking around the club he had not been to in a while. He took in the large crowd that was going on around the dance floor.

“There's a foreigner?” He furrowed his eyebrows, turning to the others.

“She's cute!” A friend called out. “Been dancing and getting others to join. Seems social.” He added.

“I'm going to go ask her to dance.” Yugyeom called out, going to join the crowd.

Once others saw the boy coming down to stand next to the floor, everyone else seemed to join as well, having you get sucked into the crowd that was chanting as songs continued. Yugyeom came up to you giving you a smile as he caught your attention.

“Dance?” He asked you.

“Oh, sure!?” You nodded your head, moving to turn and face him as his song started to play. You laughed watching as he tried to explain to you the dance moves that came along with it.

You kept laughing, cheeks hurting from the fun you were having. You hadn’t really gotten the chance to experience something like this back home. You have been to bars but the energy isn’t the same as a club that was meant to pump people full of adrenaline. You enjoyed the atmosphere, it helped your need to be social.

“Yes.” Yugyeom gushed in English that had an accent. “Like that. Good!” He gave you thumbs up to show that you were correct.

You laughed at his way of trying to speak to you. You waved him off, telling him thank you in Korean which made him laugh even more. He tried to have a conversation with you, but you laughed most of it and tried to explain to him he needed to speak slowly in order for you to understand just a bit more.

When a new song came on, you hadn’t noticed someone else coming up to your side. All you did was turn to face the DJ stand as you began to sing to Stray Kids TOPLINE. You laughed as those around you began to do the same, in your own world. You turned to the person next to you, shouting out lyrics as you both gave off the same energy.

You started singing louder when you noticed it had been Bang Chan singing along with you. The chorus came around and you fully turned to give him your attention, trying to keep up. Bang Chan felt something in his chest as he danced with you to his own song. It wasn’t that he was proud, it was just that he seemed to be content with how you didn’t seem phased with who he was.

When the song came to an end, you clapped for Bang Chan, giving him a dazzling smile that made him turn his lips up.

“You know Stray Kids!?” He asked you, shouting over the speakers.

“No, who are they!?” You shouted back, face looking serious.

You almost laughed at how Bang Chan’s eyes went wide and he looked at a loss for words. “I'm just kidding. It's really nice to meet you.” You gushed, bowing your head.

“Oh, you don't need to bow.” Chan awkwardly giggled. “It's okay.”

“I got used to it here!” You told him, coming to stand up straight.

“Would you like to sit with me?” He asked you after a moment.

Your eyebrows raised, eyes wide as you took in his question. Looking just around him, you noticed your friend quickly nodding their heads, telling you to accept the offer.

“Am I allowed to?” You laughed.

He thought about it for a moment, looking over at his group of friends. “Ah, if you don't tell anyone.” Chan chuckled.

“Sounds like a risk.” You hummed. “I'll take it.” The smile you had made Chan a bit dizzy.

It had been so long since he had seen someone look at him that way. He had a ton of people look at him that way actually, but never to someone who made it seem like they just wanted to be friends. Chan had no problems with hookups, but it was refreshing to meet someone who wasn’t over him because they knew him.

You did know him–sure–but you were taking into account who he was which made you a bit cautious. While it was normal for others to be that way, you weren’t scared of talking to him like you had been friends for years.

When he showed you where his friend group were, you laughed a little at how they seemed to begin hollering when Chan brought you over.

“Don't listen to them.” He shook his head.

“Even if I did, I don't think I'd understand much.” You told him honestly.

“Are you visiting then?” Chan asked, allowing you to sit down first before he sat in front of you.

The music was much quieter in the area, but you figured it had to do with the fact that the table was sectioned off in the VIP. They had their own bar as well, classy stuff.

“It's for work. I'm going to be here for a few months.” You answered him. “I did study what I could but I still need people to talk slowly.” You explained.

“Ah, I see. I see. Lucky you, I speak English.” He laughed.

“Even if you didn't, I'd try my best.” You nodded your head. “Miss the chance to speak with Bang Chan? Mega producer who’s part of 3RACHA?” You gushed, making his face turn red.

“I wouldn't say mega.” Chan shrugged, getting bashful.

“I mean I don't know.” You pursed your lips in thought. “The Scoville scale is out here close to blowing up.” You laughed.

Chan bursted out laughing, cheeks hurting from how much he was stretching them. “You're cool.” He told you.

“Why thank you!” You waved him off. “I pride myself on being cool.” You said.

“Han would like you.”

“Just going to drop bandmates on me as if I'm not freaking out on the inside.” You suddenly said, making him laugh.

“You and I both.” Chan answered truthfully.

“No! Please don't! It's all cool!” Your eyes went wide hearing his confession.

You both spent a good hour sitting at the table laughing about stories that would come up or just things about the other’s life. Chan hadn’t noticed when his friends would get up to get more drinks or when they would go out to dance. And they didn’t want to disrupt you two either, eyeing each other with smirking as they teased the poor boy behind his back.

Before you knew it, you were telling your friend that you would be heading back to your temporary home with Chan as company. They gave Chan a thankful smile, bowing down in respect for someone of higher standard. But they told you to be careful, having gotten used to you always telling others that whenever they would leave.

You found yourself outside some plaza eating Tteokbokki from a small restaurant outside on the sidewalk. The night was nice and cool, leaving you in a refreshed feeling after having danced in the hot club. Chan was laughing at you struggling to get the rice cake on your chopsticks.

“Why would you eat it like that!?” He laughed, covering his mouth.

“I can't pick it up with the chopsticks!” You exclaimed, stabbing the rice cake treat with both chopsticks so it looked like you were at least eating them correctly. You managed to put it in your mouth before looking up at Chan who was pursing his lips.

“Don't look at me like that!” You gushed, smile on your face.

“It's like this.” He moved closer to you, trying to get you to hold the chopsticks correctly.

It wasn’t that you didn’t know how to use them, it was just that trying to pick up slippery food proved to be harder than you cared to admit.

“I'm trying!” You exclaimed, moving closer to him as he kept trying to put some food on your chopsticks.

As you were moving to place it in your mouth, the slippery cake fell from your utensils and onto the floor. “My Tteokbokki!” You cried out.

“Ok fine. Keep stabbing it.” Chan laughed, giving up.

Next thing you knew the night had come to an end and Chan had walked you to the building you were staying at. He had his hands in his pockets, looking up at the tall apartment building before giving you a kind smile.

“This is me.” You told him. “I had a great time.” You confessed.

“Me too.” Chan smiled softly. “Thank you for coming out with me.” He added.

You laughed as your face flushed red. “Of course. Thank you for inviting.” You told him.

“Ah. I guess I'll see you.” Chan nodded his head, shoulders dropping for just a moment.

“Yeah.” You nodded your head, soft smile on your face. “I had a really great time. I mean it—thank you for taking me out. Only could ever dream of something like that.” You told him honestly.

“Yeah.” Chan thought about something for a moment, which made you stop from going in completely. “Ah, is it okay if I ask for your number?” He asked you.

“I mean for me it is but is it for you?” You joked once more.

“Sounds like a risk. I'll take it.” He mocked you from earlier.

“You know though, I really don't want to make you sign an NDA.” He quickly added after you both traded numbers.

“To kiss and tell is just not my style.” You sang off, grinning from ear to ear.

Chan laughed for a moment, understanding your joke. “But the night is young and it's been a while.” He played along.

“Ah, you know it! Wasn't expecting you to honestly.” You told him.

“I'm a music producer—I listen to a lot of things. Besides, it's kinda relatable.” He smiled a little, looking down as he took in a calming breath.

You weren’t going to ask about it, it wasn’t your place. You knew what the song was about–it was one you had heard since you were a little kid. Besides, Chan was an idol who had secrets to keep from the public. That was one of the first things you had to get used to when moving to Korea and working in the entertainment industry.

“Then I'm happy to be that girl you wanna kiss.” You joked, thinking about the rest of the song.

“I wouldn't go that far.” He laughed, shaking his head.

You gasped, eyes going wide at the scene you had just made. “Making me sound like a fool then. Ah, forget about it.” You said in a rush, face red from actual embarrassment this time.

“No, I don't think I will.” Chan hummed, stepping closer to you.

You watched him step closer, feeling your heart stop for just a moment as he placed his lips against your cheek. “Goodnight, (Y/N).” He told you softly.

“Goodnight Chan.” You smiled.

You waved him off, turning around when a cold breeze blew past you. He continued on his journey towards his car parked in the front of the building.

“I wanna kiss a girl. I wanna hold her right. Maybe make a little magic under the moonlight.” You sang to yourself, nodding your head along to the nonexistent beat you were playing in your head.

“Don't wanna go too far just to take it slow. But I shouldn't be lonely in this big ol world. I wanna kiss a girl.” Chan quietly sang to himself as he walked home.

Permanent Taglist: @hecateslittlewitchling , @ldysmfrst , @rln-byg , @vampcharxter , @angieskzzzz , @puppyminnnie , @marvel-potter-1d-korea , @smilingtokki

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hedgehog-moss · 1 year

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The text updates I was sending a friend while at the protest in Paris yesterday are kind of tragically funny, it goes from "the cops are staying away and as a result everything's going well, they clearly received better orders today, I'm glad" to "wait, no, forget that"

1. "Everything's going well, there are a couple of small fires but no one cares, the crowd calmly avoids them, some people stop to warm their hands over them, it's very civilised. I don't think the people who set stuff on fire are the problem, when the cops stay away everything goes smoothly"

2. "There are groups of CRS with batons and shields in the side streets but they stay very discreet compared with the other protests and weirdly enough this one is calmer!"

3. My friend : "Maybe they received different orders today"

Me "Yeah it's a miracle, someone made a sensible decision"

4. "We just passed another side street full of cops and I heard someone said "last time they started charging us, we had no idea why" so yeah they clearly received different instructions today"

Less than 10min later: "never mind we're being tear gassed"

Then: "Never mind they just charged us several times we have no idea why"

"I arrived at the end point of the march, looked back and there was a fresh new cloud of tear gas over the (very calm, many elderly people) groups in the middle of the march. More police cars + a water cannon are arriving"

Can't overstate how calm the protest was, just people (100K to 300K according to estimates) walking from point A to point B while holding signs. There were a few trash fires but if they'd sent firefighters to extinguish them people would have let them through... I had friends who walked in the middle of the march to avoid any trouble or gas and they still got tear gassed without knowing why. Even supposing there were people ahead of me I couldn't see who were being more antagonistic towards the CRS, surely the hundreds of cops present could have somehow dealt with that without charging and bludgeoning peaceful protesters and tear gassing thousands of people? Right now it's not possible for French citizens to peacefully assemble without getting systematically gassed by police.

Here's a video of when they first charged the front of the march, the people they're hitting can't move back any faster (I was somewhere in the compact crowd behind wondering (cause I'm not tall I couldn't see anything 😭) why we were suddenly being pushed back when things had been calm and fun until then. People who had been there before were coaching others like 'don't try to run, you'll make the people behind panic, just walk fast'). I counted five or six tear gas grenades going off

From what I've heard from people who were at the protest, the ones who didn't get gassed are the ones who were at the back of the march and left early without completing the march (some left because they saw the cloud of gas ahead). I've also seen people at other protests in various cities yesterday describing a similar situation : peaceful crowd getting separated in two by a charge, gassed and soaked with water cannons, most people having no idea why. If I had to describe this in terms of police strategy it would be, gas as many people as possible to dissuade your average peaceful protester from completing the march and showing up next time, and be aggressive towards the front of the march to rile them up and get nice images of youth burning things or throwing stuff at cops to show on the evening news and turn public opinion against protesters.

(Note that the society of journalists working for France Télévision (public TV, like the French BBC) have published a statement decrying the poor framing of the protests on the national news, saying too much emphasis was placed on the small amount of people destroying stuff and almost nothing on police brutality and the record numbers of (peaceful) protesters in the streets.) (Read this if you're French and have been wondering why some people around you still don't think the situation is worrying...)

Anyway, I'm glad I went. It was good to see so many people just as angry as I am about what's happening to this country and guillotine-chan was in attendance, and many people had very fun signs and I liked this angry flag:

#frpol #(les fautes d'ortho dans les sms c'est pas de ma faute mon tel arrêtait pas de m'autocorriger à tort...)#la situation continue d'être surréaliste je dois dire que #''au milieu d'une crise politique le Président répond aux questions de ses concitoyens dans Pif Gadget'' m'a prise par surprise

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yongility · 1 month

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NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 2/?

genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.

warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.

word count: +10k? (I really went all for this chapter)

a/n: I'm a sucker for cliche stuff so as soon as this fic popped in my mind I had to write it down, english isn't my first language tho.

I’m sorry if this is too long TT, but this is kinda a slowburn? it might contain a lot of parts so wait for part 3! One of the reasons this is long af it’s because I would like to show you how Jaehyun and (Y/N)'s life is before they get together! So pls pls don’t skip anything I hope you like it!

if you want to be in the taglist, just lemme know;) enjoy!

Jung Jaehyun was an idiot.

But he was a clever idiot, and anyone who knew him would know that.

That's why within Neo Zone, his boss had the trust he had in him. Jaehyun was his best guy, or at least that's what he proclaimed enthusiastically every time the boy handed him a new payment for the merchandise he had to sell in his area.

None of his guys were as good negotiators as Jung Jaehyun.

He didn't know if it was because of the particular and convincing way he spoke or if it was because of the bad boy appearance he had, which made people pay him everything they owed him with just a bad look from him. Jaehyun didn't consider himself good at many things, but he was definitely good with numbers, maybe because since the initiation of his gang almost eight years ago, his only job was to maintain the sale - and sometimes purchase - of merchandise. So the numbers always, always had to be exact unless he wanted his boss to get angry and face consequences.

Because despite being a good worker, Jaehyun had faced consequences on multiple occasions.

His scars around his body were not a deco. They didn't have the purpose of scaring away anyone who stood in front of him. They had a slightly different origin than most people thought. Yes, some were the result of a street fight that possibly took place in one of the underground races. Perhaps from a fight against another dealer who tried to sell in his area, but many of them were caused during his early years in the business, where being a kid with little knowledge of how to handle the merchandise he carried with him, things would go wrong and he had to be punished by his own boss and the elders of the gang.

As he often heard during those years, he learned the easy way or the hard way.

Jaehyun's initiation into the gang was different from what other teenagers in Neo Zone had experienced.

In his own defense, he never believed that his initiation had been extreme compared to the experiences he had heard about, however, Jaehyun had to join the gang at the age of eleven.

Normally initiations took place between fourteen and fifteen years old, but there was an exception with the boy. Families in Neo Zone had to have at least one active member in the gang - commonly the man was that member - and it didn't matter if it was the grandfather, father, or son. There always had to be one if they wanted to continue with the safety of their family.

Because being active ensured you the protection that Lee Sooman could offer your family.

So when Jaehyun's father was brutally killed in what they called a clash in a raid. The next member of the Jung family had to take his place, and being Jaehyun the oldest brother and becoming the man of the house, he had to answer for the protection of his family, at his young age of eleven. The boy's duties initially did not involve business as such, since he was still inexperienced in the matter, but Lee Sooman took him under his wing and managed to get Jaehyun to accompany him wherever he was to start acquiring the knowledge he expected to have thanks to the experiences he had with his new boss.

But there was a time when Jaehyun had other aspirations.

There was a time when Jaehyun appreciated getting up to go to school to learn, not to keep his business running. There was a time when the boy could approach his mother while she cooked, sing together, and dance with his little brother happily.

There was a time when Jaehyun loved to sing, and all those little things that brightened his life even a little were damaged by the businesses he was starting to manage.

Because by now, Jaehyun wouldn't just be a dealer.

Lee Sooman expected a lot from him.

And he hated that he did.

If only he could escape from that zone, he would do it as soon as the first opportunity arose, but things weren't as easy as he thought.

And he knew that more than anyone else.

In the end, the only reason for his mere existence currently and the only reason he endured all he had to endure was for his family, which meant everything to him. It was all he had, it was all that drove him to continue, and it was all that gave him the strength to get up every day.

And because he was the man of the house, right?

And he had to take care and protect his family even if he didn't do it with his own life.

But maintaining that title wasn't easy, especially having a rebellious teenager as a brother and having to take care of all the bills that ran through his house.

If only his brother could make things easier for him. If only his brother would listen to him once in his life... because if there was one person who didn't listen to Jaehyun, if there was one person he found difficult to intimidate, it wouldn't be anyone other than Jeno.

And amidst all his complications, there would be no greater one than trying to make a teenager listen to him.

The streets of Neo Zone are not safe at any time of the day, but of course, they would be even more dangerous when the sun set. Jaehyun, as much as he wanted, would never understand why fate gave them that life, if only... if only they had been more fortunate and even just grown up in Kosmo*, his life would be so different.

Jaehyun hated walking the streets of Neo Zone, especially if it wasn't for business, but there he was, walking through the dark alleys that were barely illuminated by the reflection of the moon that had recently filled. His steps were short but firm, as his personality used to be. His leather jacket covered him well from the cold breeze he could feel in his bones, and the rings on his fingers helped him stay focused as he ran his thumb over them. In the distance, within an alley, he could see a pair of cigarette tails being lit as smoke emanated from the mouth of the person consuming it. Jaehyun took a deep breath as he disapproved and approached the group of boys more and more.

Immediately he could recognize him, that blue hair couldn't go unnoticed even if he wanted, what a bad choice his brother had made.

Once he found himself at the entrance of the alley, he grabbed a stick from what once seemed to be a baseball bat and, taking advantage of the distraction of those boys, he made it hit against the garbage container next to him, causing the boys to jump in fright and change their gaze towards him.

Meanwhile Jeno maintained eye contact.

"Let's go," Jaehyun snapped without hesitation.

Jeno's friends and his own brother ignored him and continued with their business, Jeno taking a drag of his joint and exhaling the smoke from his lungs with a cynical side smile. His friends let out a laugh that made Jaehyun's blood boil, and he hit the garbage container again - "I said let's go, Jeno."

His brother huffed as he rolled his eyes: "Go bother someone else, Jaehyun."

The boy clenched his jaw and, dropping the stick from his hands forcefully, he then approached the group of boys and seeing the determination with which Jaehyun walked, the boys stepped back a few centimeters, Jeno stood up and held his gaze firmly on his brother's.

When Jaehyun reached him, he snatched the joint from his lips and threw it to the ground to then step on it. He raised his gaze again and looked at the boys, who were behind his brother with a bit of panic in their eyes.

"What are you looking at? Get out of here if you don't want me to wipe that scared puppy look off your faces and give you real reasons to be scared," he snapped brusquely. The boys simply shrank in their place, not moving an inch - "Haven't you heard me? Get lost!"

This time, the group of young vandals hurriedly left the alley, leaving both boys facing each other, staring directly into each other's eyes and without saying a single word. Only annoyance could be felt emanating from each of their bodies.

"What the hell are you doing, Jaehyun? Can't you go bother somewhere else?" asked Jeno, exasperated.

"You didn't go to the school," his older brother replied with no expression on his face.

Jeno let out an incredulous laugh and shook his head amusedly - "Is that why you're here? To make a scene because I didn't go to the school?"

"I put all my damn effort so you can attend that school, and the least you can do is not skip," he said while pointing a finger at his chest and pushing him forcefully - "And what do you do all damn day, huh? This?" - he pointed at the joint that was now shattered under his foot - "Hanging out with those boys and wasting your life like this?"

"You're no better," Jeno retorted.

Jeno had had his initiation into the gang not long ago. Two years ago, when he turned fourteen, and since then, Jaehyun had managed and had done everything possible to keep his boss from involving him in any business, and to be able to maintain that, his workload had increased, since now he had to do what Jeno would have to do, because definitely being a dealer with no future was not something Jaehyun wanted for his brother. He knew Jeno was smart. He knew Jeno had the potential to be someone in life.

To have a future away from Neo Zone.

Not like him.

And the last thing he wanted was to see his brother being an addict in the alleys of Neo Zone.

"I just care about you," Jaehyun said quietly.

Jeno looked at him with his eyes reddened by the substance he had just ingested and clenched his jaw after hearing that.

"You care about me? You do the same fucking thing every day. And let me tell you that you're not just an addict, you're a damn dealer. Congratulations, you bring money to the table! But at what cost? You talk about caring? You ruin other people's lives," Jeno spat as he lightly pushed him.

Jaehyun wished he could say that those words didn't hurt him, but it was impossible. After all, they came from the mouth of his little brother, who was one of the lights of his life.

"Jeno, we're not going to argue about this," Jaehyun said as he felt his rings and ran his thumb over them "but this is not what I want for you, you have more future than those boys you hang out with, Jeno. You have more future than me. It's just that you don't want to see it... this... this is not what I want for you. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life on these damn streets looking for pleasure in some damn drugs and I don't want to see you overdose. For now, it's weed, but if you don't know how to control yourself and don't know how to handle it, it won't be just that. You're not a child, Jeno, and you should know that your actions have consequences."

"Why do you talk as if you were a saint, Jaehyun!?"

"Because I damn know what I'm talking about !" the older one exclaimed, about to explode and giving him a stern look - "Jeno, you need to understand that this is not what I want for you."

"If this is not what you want for me, why don't you do something better than getting into my damn life? Why don't you start with yourself, huh? How do you expect this not to be part of me if you have mom and me in this shitty place?"

"I'm trying, Jeno... I..."

"Trying? How? By selling more kilos every day? That doesn't help at all, Jaehyun! Why don't you do something else? Why didn't you get us out of here when you could?" he questioned as he approached him again until they were face to face. Both with a firm gaze, without hesitating and without flinching.

"Oh, I know," Jeno muttered - "you don't do shit because you're afraid of ending up like poor Sicheng, right?" - he blurted out.

And that was the last straw.

By inertia and upon hearing that name, Jaehyun's arm lifted and went to punch his younger brother's cheek, causing the area to immediately turn red and Jeno's face to move to the side. The blue-haired boy brought his hand to his cheek and slowly returned his gaze to his brother, finding a bit of regret in his eyes.

"Don't ever mention Winwin like that again," Jaehyun requested without moving.

"Fuck you."

Jeno lightly pushed Jaehyun and walked briskly out of the alley they were in.

And then Jaehyun found himself alone with regret running through his body.

If only things were simpler.

_____________________________________________

"Did you go to Neo Zone!?" Jungwoo's exclamation made (Y/N) jump in her place and quickly approach him to cover his mouth with her own hands while giving him a stern look.

"Shut up, Woo, my mother can hear you!" she retorted almost in a whisper but agitatedly. Then she removed her hand from the boy's mouth and sat down next to him on the bed.

"Are you crazy? What were you doing there on a Friday night?" he asked, accusing her. They remained silent for a few seconds, then Jungwoo jumped on the bed and looked at her in surprise.

"Who are you fucking and why didn't you tell me anything!?”

(Y/N) widened her eyes and quickly shook her head.

"None of that! God, Jungwoo, you're an idiot," she lightly tapped his head with the palm of her hand.

"I'm not seeing anyone."

The boy rubbed his head with a small pout and then looked at her curiously.

"So?"

"It was for Daeho," the girl declared.

Jungwoo rolled his eyes dramatically and stood up from the bed to stand right in front of her, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Now, what trouble did that idiot get himself into?"

With a heavy sigh, the girl looked at her hands and slightly shrunk in her place. "A big one, Jungwoo. You should have seen how he came home on Friday."

"What happened?"

"Well, what do you think happened? The idiot bought drugs and didn't pay on time. And to make matters worse, he decided to buy them from Jaehyun and made him go to Neo Zone. Apparently, his boss got angry about the debt, and believe me, he was very angry."

"And what have they done to Daeho?" he questioned her again, this time with concern in his voice.

"They beat him up, Jungwoo. He's covered in bruises and they've split his lip and eyebrow," she explained frustratedly.

"Was it Jaehyun?"

"Huh?"

"Did Jaehyun beat him up?"

"No. No, Jaehyun was with me when that happened," she commented while sighing. "But I don't know what to do, Jungwoo. I'm really worried about Daeho. I'm afraid something like that might happen again and it'll end up worse."

Jungwoo looked at her in silence for a few seconds and then sat back down beside her, taking her hands in his and giving her a slight squeeze as a show of support.

"(Y/N), I know it's not my business and you're worried about your cousin, but Daeho is not a child anymore. You can't go through life trying to fix his mistakes. He knows what he's doing, and he should know the consequences behind it," he explained gently. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat, trying to dispel the knot that threatened to form.

"I know, Jungwoo, it's just that..." she paused to take a breath, "I'm all Daeho has. I'm the only person who genuinely cares about him. The least I can do is be there for him," she bit her lip.

"And there's nothing wrong with that, really. But you can't always be by his side, hoping he won't get into trouble. Daeho needs help, yes, but he needs it from a professional before his drug problem becomes a serious one," Jungwoo affirmed, letting go of her hands and putting his arm around her shoulders to give her a slight hug.

"Do you think I haven't mentioned that to him? He doesn't want to listen."

"There's not much you can do on your own, (Y/N)."

It was then that the girl preferred not to say anything and just accept the hug her friend was giving her; because she knew that as soon as she mentioned that she had made a deal with Jung Jaehyun so that he wouldn't sell anything to his cousin again, Jungwoo would surely go crazy.

So now she not only had to hide this from Daeho but also from her best friend.

It couldn't be that difficult, right?

___________________________________________

If there was another place Jaehyun hated besides Neo Zone, it would be the principal's office. He wouldn't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times he found himself in that same position, sitting in a leather chair, with Principal Kim in front of him giving him a disapproving look.

"I can't do much this time, Jaehyun" the principal spoke and removed his glasses from his face to pinch the bridge of his nose with his fingers, "if you don't improve your grades, I'll have to expel you. I don't have any other excuse not to do it."

"But you have to do something" Jaehyun retorted, raising one of his eyebrows and crossing his arms, causing the principal to clear his throat and rest his glasses on his desk.

"Jaehyun, I can't keep covering up everything you do and don't improve even a little. The teachers don't want you here anymore, and if you don't raise your average, there's nothing I can do.

The boy sighed heavily and bit his lower lip. Then, the image of a Hwang came to his mind, and he smiled slightly.

"Don't worry, Principal Kim. For the next evaluations, you'll see my average clean," he explained with a smile.

"I'd like to know how will you do that?" the principal asked, incredulous.

"Studying, Principal Kim. How else would I do it?"

The principal chuckled and shook his head.

"You're warned, Jung. Now, leave my office and go study."

Without saying anything else, the boy got up from his seat and calmly left the principal's office, crossing the hallway until he reached the courtyard of his high school. He looked around, getting a couple of glances from some of his classmates, who surely weren't used to seeing him leave that office once again and as soon as his eyes located a person,

Jaehyun smiled.

He put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and walked towards the silhouette sitting under a tree, with at least five books around her and taking notes from each of them, and in which she must have been very concentrated not to feel the presence of the boy a few steps away from her. Hwang let out a heavy sigh and then cursed under her breath, dropping one of her books to the ground abruptly.

"Having a hard time, angel?" he teased while leaning against the tree behind her.

The girl quickly lifted her gaze to then look at him with annoyance and closed one of her books abruptly.

"Don't bother me Jaehyun. I have no interest in having a small talk with you right now," she said, rolling her eyes. "How do you expect me to finish all your assignments and mine before the week ends?" she asked, frustrated.

"Speaking of that, I expect a good grade on those assignments. The principal has already talked to me about kicking me out if I don't meet the average this evaluation," he said, shrugging.

"If only you bothered to study from time to time, you wouldn't have these problems," she retorted reading her notes.

"Why would I do that when I have you, sweet cheeks? Business are business, besides, I've been keeping my word" he said proudly. "How long has Daeho been clean?"

(Y/N) fell silent, thinking of a response, and answered, "almost two weeks, I believe so."

"Do you think it'll last much longer?' he asked again, and she shrugged.

"I hope so, he promised," she muttered without looking him in the eye. Jaehyun sighed and moved to sit next to her, an action that confused the girl, but she didn't comment, she simply let herself go.

A consumer's promises were the worst, and they both knew it. Despite the fact that Daeho didn't consider himself merely an addict... he was. In recent weeks, he was more often in a state of euphoria than sober, and the fact that his parents had been away for over a month was a perfect excuse to do so. Hwang feared for him and feared a lot. What Daeho saw as something harmless kept her in constant unease, because she knew that Daeho wouldn't stay clean for much longer, and there wouldn't be anything else she could do.

"At least you're the only dealer he trusts to buy from," she scoffed, shaking her head.

Jaehyun laughed softly. "You know that as soon as he feels the need, he won't only come to me. Abstinence tends to be difficult for a consumer."

"I know.'

"And what will you do? Offer more money?'

"I don't know, Jaehyun," she replied with a tired tone. "I don't know what to do with Daeho, I don't want him to end being a mess."

To the eyes of an outsider, that scenario could seem a bit funny; Hwang (Y/N) and Jung Jaehyun in the same place without wanting to pull each other's hair out, but if there was something that had caused that conversation in Neo Zone two weeks ago, it was that Jaehyun had managed to empathize at least a little with the girl. At the end of the day, all they both wanted was the best for their families.

They weren't so different in that sense, however, they didn't share anything else. They were simply acquaintances with a common purpose and nothing more.

"The evaluations are coming up, you know what that means?' he asked suddenly.

"What? do I have to do twice your assignments?" she replied with another question, and Jaehyun shook his head with a half-smile.

"Johnny's parties are also coming up, and it's something you should keep Daeho away from. You know his parties are not the healthiest and most innocent thing out there."

Johnny Suh was well known in high school for two reasons; first, because he was the son of one of the best real estate sellers in the city, making him one of the wealthiest kids in high school, and second, because of the study groups he organized near each midterms on one of his properties.

The study group that was nothing more than a facade for the big parties they really have. Every two months, students eagerly awaited that party because with Johnny Suh organizing them, how could not be the best? When it came to those parties, Johnny spared no expense, he would take one of his parents' properties, buy tons of alcohol, invite the dealers from Neo Zone, and didn't care if you were from the south or north, you were welcomed all the same because according to his own words: the more people attended, the better the fun.

And yes, it was something (Y/N) should be worried about, because Daeho could never miss one of those parties. Johnny Suh was within his circle of friends, so he wouldn't dare to let down one of his great friends, how could he?

"Cat got your tongue?" Jaehyun's voice caught her attention and she turned to look at him while exhaling deeply.

"No, Jaehyun, and I'm not in the mood for this."

"Oh, relax, angel" he spoke, raising his hands in defense "I was just mentioning Johnny's party, you know Daeho wouldn't miss it" Jaehyun continued trying to rile her up.

"Great timing for my uncles to return" she muttered, angrily gathering her things and putting them in her bag. She stood up abruptly and Jaehyun followed her.

"Hey, calm down, what's wrong?"

"Daeho's parents are coming back during midterms week and they'll surely having him running around here and there, enough reason for him to go to that damn party" she spat, starting to walk away from him with Jaehyun behind her "and as soon as Daeho stops being clean, I'll break our deal" she threatened, turning around to face him.

"You can't do it if I haven't done anything, you made the deal, you keep it" he said defensively. It wasn't the time for him to risk it and not deliver those high grades to Principal Kim.

"Yes, I can and I will, Jaehyun."

"We made a deal, you can't back down now. I'm already losing money because I'm not selling anything to Daeho".

"I can still write you a check down" (Y/N) said.

"I think I made myself clear when I told you that I didn't want your money".

Ding.

Before the boy could reproach and start an argument with (Y/N), his phone rang in his jacket and he took it out of his pocket to turn on the screen and read the text his friend had left him.

“Yukhei:

come to the garage, something happened.

10:30 am

Don't ask, just come.

10:30 am

I don't even know what happened

but they're furious.

10:31 am”

Jaehyun looked up at the sky, cursing under his breath and closing his eyes. He returned his gaze to the girl, who was now looking at him with confusion, and pointed at her with his index finger.

"I expect my assignments by the end of the week" he commented, turning around to walk away from the place and leaving a frustrated (Y/N) behind.

"Hey! Jung Jaehyun!" she called out loudly "You can't just leave me like this! Hey!”.

_____________________________________________

When he reached the garages, Jaehyun got out of his car, slamming the door shut, immediately drawing Lucas's attention. Lucas was sitting there smoking a joint, one leg propped against the wall and one hand in his pants pocket. Jaehyun approached his friend and took the cigarette from his lips, then took a drag himself.

"What the hell happened now?" he asked, exhaling smoke from his lungs and raising an eyebrow at Lucas. His friend sighed and straightened up.

"Jeno".

With the joint between his lips, Jaehyun's eyes widened, he tossed it to the ground, stomping on it, and quickly took a step forward, only to be stopped by his friend, who placed a hand on his chest. He looked at Lucas, not understanding and showing no expression, then listened to him speak.

"Before you go in there and cause a scene. I don't know what happened. Cheol Uk wouldn't tell me shit, he barely said something had happened with Jeno and they're waiting for you inside" the dark haired guy explained, lightly tapping his friend's chest.

Jaehyun's chest swelled after the deep drag he took. He closed his eyes for a moment and brought his fingers to the bridge of his nose, squeezing it slightly.

"Do you know if he's okay?" he asked, opening his eyes and met with a grimace on Lucas's face.

"Honestly, I don't know".

One of the garage doors opened, causing both boys to turn their heads towards it and seeing Cheol Uk coming out of it, nodding towards Jaehyun to enter, so the guy began walking towards there with Lucas behind him, who was immediately stopped by the guard who put his hand on the boy's chest: "I've been told that only Jaehyun can enter."

Jaehyun turned his head to give Lucas an affirmative look, who breathed deeply and stayed in his place. Jaehyun walked through the garage door, which closed seconds later, and headed towards where his boss was supposed to be.

His head was spinning, and only his brother's name ran through it. What the hell had he done this time?

He didn't even know if he was okay or where he could be, and that was eating him up anxiously.

Despite everything that could come out of Jeno's mouth and his rebellious behavior, as an older brother, Jaehyun worried a lot. Jeno was an important part of his life, and as soon as something happened to him, he wouldn't know what to do. He began playing with the ring on his hand as he continued his way, managing to hear a couple of shouts that he knew well, came from his boss; he clenched his jaw, he was right behind Lee Sooman's back, who, feeling a presence, turned halfway, face to face with the boy.

He approached dangerously. Jaehyun held his breath and suddenly, a burning sensation ran through his cheek, feeling his boss's palm hit him. Jaehyun didn't flinch, didn't complain, and simply did nothing.

He knew it was better that way..

He stayed in his place, straightened his posture, and continued to look ahead, but without making eye contact with Lee Sooman.

"Do you know what your brother's little joke has cost us?" the man asked with annoyance.

"No sir".

"A lot. Your brother is an idiot, he couldn't do something as simple as what I sent him to".

Jaehyun's body tensed, and this time, he made eye contact with his boss.

"What... do you mean you sent him to do something" unintentionally, the tone of his own voice rose, catching his boss's attention "I thought we had a deal, boss."

"Are you talking to me about deals, Jaehyun? Look, the kid came to me asking for a job, and I really admire your whole facade of wanting to feel like the responsible older brother who doesn't want anything to happen to his brother and blah, blah, blah" his boss spoke mockingly "but the boy isn't five years old, Jaehyun. It's time for him to be a grown-up, isn't it? Turn him into one, just like I did with you, right? Look at the man you are, boy".

He felt the falseness in his words, and the sound of his laughter irritated his ears, but again, he said nothing, he knew he shouldn't, and simply stayed in his place to continue listening to him.

"But Jeno and his idiot friends go and screw it up, and now it cost me money and a possible fight. Aish, they can't do anything right if you don't teach them" he muttered the latter.

The boy's brow furrowed and followed his boss's silhouette as he walked to his desk.

"A fight?"

"Yes, I sent them to leave some stuff at the train station, and they ran into Yellow Wood's guys, they stabbed one of the boys. Ah! Park will surely want to do the same" Lee Sooman sighed as he brought his hands to cover his face "and if that's not enough, the Yellow Wood guys stole the stuff, and believe me, they weren't just a few wones worth in drugs. There were a lot.

"Sir..."

"Don't try to cover for your brother, Jaehyun. He made a mistake, a big one, and now, who will pay for it? I'm sure Jeno won't."

"Excuse my brother, sir. I... will talk to him, for sure..."

"A talk won't solve my problem. I need my money, or what? Where do you expect me to get paid from? How do I pay my guys for their work? If there's no drugs, there's no money, and you know it, Jung."

"Sir, please let me do something. I... don't have the money right now. I'm paying for his medicine and..."

"Oh, Jaehyun, don't give me the same old story. Those damn medicines don't matter to me. I've helped you enough with that boy, and I know the whole story inside out and upside down."

Jaehyun's fist clenched at his sides, and he closed his

eyes for a moment, avoiding exploding right there.

"I'm sorry, sir. What do you want me to do?"

"You'll take double of the stuff on Friday when you pick it up. You'll have the weekend to sell it and deliver it to me by Monday, and let's see if you can teach that idiot brother of yours how to handle the business properly once and for all."

The boy's eyes widened, double of the stuff in one weekend? He had been struggling to make ends meet with his normal portion, and now he had to sell double in three damn days. If Jeno was okay right now, he surely wouldn't be after the scolding Jaehyun was going to give him.

"But sir, the business has been slow these days, and..."

"I don't care, Jaehyun. I don't give two shit about how you get that money, but I want all my stuff sold by next Monday, understood? If you don't deliver the money, there will be repercussions, and no, they won't be on you, Jaehyun. It's been Jeno with all this bullshit."

Without saying anything, he nodded. He supposed he would have to ask Johnny for a favor at his party; it was the only place he thought he could sell at least half of what he owed. As for the other half... he would figure out what to do with it later.

He watched as his boss pointed to the door with his hand, and Jaehyun obediently turned around to leave the place. The blood was rushing through his body, and he clenched his fists tighter and tighter as he moved.

His brother was such an idiot.

Not only had they lost the stuff, but they had also stabbed one of the Yellow Wood boys, and he knew they would come back looking to do the same. What guaranteed him that one of these days his brother wouldn't come back with a wound like that? He let out a sigh as he opened the garage door. He saw Lucas quickly approaching him, but he didn't pay the slightest attention to him because he was too busy storming towards his car with fury in his eyes.

His friend tried to stop him, but he couldn't, so he simply followed him. Both got into the car. Lucas heard the slam Jaehyun had given. He started the car without answering the questions the guy in the passenger seat was asking and drove off at speed towards his house. Lucas kept calling him, but it was in vain because Jaehyun could only think about how bad the conversation he had to have with his brother would go. The older boy's knuckles could be seen white from gripping the steering wheel, and he could hear him cursing every now and then. Lucas gave up and sighed as he leaned back in his seat; it was pointless to try to talk to Jaehyun when he was behaving like that, so he simply wouldn't bother anymore.

A few moments later, they were in front of the boy's house, where the older one quickly got out of the car, and Lucas continued his steps behind him.

"Jaehyun! What the fuck happened!?" Lucas shouted at his back, and again, he didn't receive an answer.

He aggressively entered the house, slightly alarming his mother, who was in the kitchen and, seeing the way her son had entered, left things and approached him.

"Where's Jeno?" he asked without preamble.

"What happened?" she asked, concerned.

"Where's Jeno?" he repeated, clenching his jaw.

"In his room" she didn't even finish speaking when Jaehyun was already walking towards the door, she turned worriedly to see the boy beside her and spoke: "Yukhei, what happened?"

Jaehyun opened the bedroom door with a bang and found Jeno sitting on his bed, with a bruise under his eye and his lip slightly open. The older brother exhaled deeply and approached his brother, who was already standing up and naturally, defensive.

"What the fuck do you think you did, Jeno? Huh?

"Stay out of my damn life, Jaehyun. I'm sick of it" Jeno spat as he walked towards him.

"Oh, are you sick of it?" Jaehyun asked "Wow, the little boy is tired of me only wanting what’s best for him" he said, feigning a pout "Do you know the stupid thing you and your friends did?" he questioned again as Jeno pushed him slightly with his shoulder and walked out of the room. Arriving in the living room, where Lucas was trying to distract their mother —"Not only did you lose the drugs, Jeno. You stabbed someone from Yellow Wood, do you think that's something funny to do?"

"What? Drugs?" Mrs. Jung asked confused.

"Shut up, Jaehyun" the younger one spoke through his teeth.

The boy looked at his mom and then at his friend, scoffed, and denied as he once again approached his brother: "Jeno went to Sooman to ask for a job" he confessed as his mother exclaimed in surprise "and now I have to answer for the stupid things your son did".

"Stop treating me like a damn kid!" Jeno exclaimed as he pushed him slightly, managing to anger the older one a little more.

"You want me to stop? Huh?"

"Jaehyun, Jeno. Enough" their mom intervened from her place, causing Jaehyun to turn to look at her and shake his head.

"No, Mom. Jeno doesn't want to be treated like a kid anymore? Fine. Does he want to ruin his life? Fine. If the boy is old enough to make decisions for himself and get into things he has no fucking idea about; let him. I don't give a shit anymore. I already have enough responsibility for this house as it is for him to come and add more".

Silence fell in the living room, with Jaehyun and Jeno staring directly at each other. With their mother leaning on Lucas, who was supporting her, and Jaehyun could only catch between his ears, the boys' accelerated breaths in front of them.

"You have no idea what you're getting into, Jeno. Do you think it's easy to go out there with that stuff and sell it like chocolates? What are you going to do when you don't meet the quota? Huh? Will you take responsibility and face the consequences? Ah, right. You're not a child anymore, and you don't need me. So if something happens... Don't you dare come running to me, because if you have the balls to get into this shit. You'll have the balls to solve your problems. Once you enter in this shitty hole, there's no way out" he ended slowly as Jeno widened his nostrils. He turned around and left the house with a bang, making his mother jump in her place, and with tears shining in her eyes, she moved away from Lucas to approach her older son.

"Jaehyun... "she murmured as her son enveloped her in his arms and hid his head in her chest "he's still my baby" she sobbed.

Jaehyun looked at his friend, who only gave him a sad smile and lightly patted his back, silently demonstrating the support he would always provide.

"I know, Mom. Jeno will be okay" he replied in a whisper as he stroked her hair and planted a kiss on the top of her head "I promise you that someday I'll get you out of here, even if I have to stay behind"

His mother raised her head to look into her son's eyes, and a tear rolled down her cheek: "Jaehyun, I can't take this anymore. You're my children, I don't want to see you both ruined, I can't" the boy choked up and once again caressed her hair.

"I'll get you out of here, someday I'll be able to do it, including him. I'll get all four of us out of here, I promise you".

His mom nodded with another tear running down her face and pressed her lips slightly. Jaehyun moved away from her and moved towards Lucas, to nod his head indicating that he should accompany him out of the house. Both boys walked in silence towards the door, where they were stopped after hearing the words that came out of Mrs. Jung's mouth.

"Don't end up like your father, Jaehyun."

The weight those words carried was something the boy couldn't believe.

Because that was something he wasn't sure he could promise.

______________________________________________

Once her uncles set foot in the city, it would be total chaos. It was something that (Y/N) knew, something she was aware of, which was why she simply hated the thought of it happening for two simple reasons: first, because then she would have to be even more attentive to her cousin and his possible impending collapse due to the pressure his parents put on him as soon as they arrived in the city.

And second, because their arrival meant a family dinner at her house; which had no other result than to talk once again about the future that awaited both of them and the vast comparisons their mothers loved to make between them, creating an endless discord: to see which family had more than the other, or to allude to who had a better present and future than the other.

At her ripe eighteen years, (T/N) never managed to understand the dynamics of her family. Were all families like hers? She didn't understand why her father and uncle had this constant competition between them; as brothers, it was the last thing they should have. Did money eventually turn you into such a person? Was it something that Daeho and she would become when they were responsible for the companies? She couldn't wrap her head around that scenario, the last thing she would want is for there to be some kind of conflict between them when they both needed each other, both had each other's backs, and both were the support for each other.

What a great family environment existed in that residence.

And if she could add a third reason: it was that she hated having to behave like the perfect daughter everyone expected her to be.

Coincidentally and to her own misfortune, the dinner at her parents' house was on the same night as Johnny Suh's party.

One more concern to her list.

With the faint reflections of the moon on her room and the gentle breeze coming through her large window, she gave one last careful look in her mirror, observing her figure wrapped in a black dress that ended just above her knee, a white and fluffy sweater that covered her from the coolness of the night, and her platform boots that complemented the style of the rest of her outfit.

She sighed... approached her dresser, picking up the first pair of earrings she saw to put them on her ears and let out another sigh. She never understood the formality of dinners at home, in the end, it was just her parents, her two uncles, Daeho, and herself who would end up sitting at the long dining table, but what she did know was that if she dared to come down with any outfit that didn't please her mother enough... she would instantly make her go back to change her clothes to something more suitable for her... or for them rather. Because according to her mother; you never know who the next person you might meet is.

Yes, even in her own home.

Where there wouldn't be more than six people.

She had tried multiple times to get in touch with Daeho since early in the morning, as soon as she had found out that her uncles' flight had arrived, however, he didn't answer her calls or text messages; which was enough to make (Y/N) nervously bite her nails. Something that had her tired, she was tired of living like this, worrying about everyone but herself, but if she didn't worry about her cousin the way she did, who would?

She was well aware that Daeho was not a child of five years to be in charge of, but sometimes she felt like he was. With the little attention he received from his parents and all the attachment and emotional dependence he had developed towards his cousin, (Y/N) had no choice but to fulfill that role, but... how much more would it consume of her?

She was grateful to have Kim Jungwoo in her life; the only sincere friend who had crossed her path. False friendships that could arise around her were no surprise to the girl: status was everything. If you wanted people to see you well, recognize you for something, and not sideline you, you had to hang out with people of your same level. (Y/N) tried to remember all those times she tried to create friendships, but ones that were sincere, each of those times ended in a failed attempt when she realized that people didn't really care about her but the great dollar sign that pursued her as if it were an ornament.

What a fake life.

That's why the affection she had for Jungwoo was immense. The only person who gave herself the opportunity to get to know her without judging her, the only person with whom she didn't have to maintain a whole facade.

She hated pretending; everyone thought she was perfect, that her life was perfect, the presentation she always carried was perfect, they even thought her family was perfect; she had spent the last few years of her life trying to keep up appearances, continuing with the facade that her parents and uncles had created and if Daeho screwed up, it all fell on her, because she was the one who had to fix it, because she was the one who had to assure everyone that everything was fine in her family... because if she let her guard down and showed her reality; the dream world that the Hwang family had invested so much in pretending would come crashing down like a freshly kicked sandcastle.

And so, seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours and when she least expected it, she found herself uncomfortably seated between her mother and Daeho, with a plate of food that, for the moment, didn't look appetizing at all and with her leg bouncing slightly from the anxiety emanating from feeling the tense atmosphere she was wrapped in.

Her mind was elsewhere. The last thing her ears had captured was the conversation her uncle had created about his recent trip to New York, where he had signed a couple of agreements and where... she couldn't remember anything else.

It reminded her a lot of her childhood, where they would both sit for hours beside their parents listening to them talk about business, money, agreements, and a thousand things that at her age they wouldn't understand but that according to their parents, getting involved from an early age in the world they lived in would help them shape their future.

In a way, she felt like her childhood had been stolen. Instead of being able to go out to the huge yard of her house to play like any normal child, she had to stay inside to attend one of her mother's arranged classes for her. Instead of listening to a story that her father had to tell her before going to sleep, she found herself with the stories he told her about "how he became the successful businessman he was and how she had to do the same" or the times when they always wanted to include her in the adult world when she was barely in elementary school.

But she never complained... at least she had a family and a roof over her head, she convinced herself of the luck she had of being born into the family she had... a total privilege.

When she lifted her eyes from the fixed point they had been pinned to, she could notice out of the corner of her eye how Daeho simply limited himself to eating in silence, nodding from time to time and feigning a smile here and there, moving his cutlery slightly and taking small bites of his food.

At least she wasn't the only anxious person at the table.

Her gaze lifted when her name came out of her mother's mouth, who was watching her expectantly with a smirk: “Isn't that right, sweetheart?” her mother inquired.

“Hmm, excuse me?” she questioned with a small voice as the adults' gazes were fixed on her.

“Oh, sweetheart, it's disrespectful not to pay attention to the matters discussed at the table” her mother gave her a fake smile that simply made the girl change her gaze to her hands resting on her lap and tilt her head in apology, causing her mother to let out a snort that was only heard by her “Your uncles and we have been talking about the fact that Daeho and you are about to graduate, we believe it's time to start looking at which universities you'll get into” her mother explained, staring at her intently “although, personally, your father and I have had this whole life plan we created for you since you were seven, remember we talked about studying abroad?

“Oh! We also want our Dae to study abroad! We had thought about Oxford! Isn't that right, honey?”Daeho's mother spoke with enthusiasm addressing her husband, who only smiled as he nodded.

(Y/N) and Daeho shared glances for a couple of seconds, precipitating what was to come, and smiled sadly at each other.

“Umh, mom? I don't think this is something we should discuss right now... there's still a little time before we graduate. I don't think it's a... necessary topic right now...”

The girl was interrupted by a gasp from her mother, who looked slightly offended and placed a hand on her chest, shaking her head from side to side.

“You say there's still time? (Y/N), you graduate in a year, do you think that's little time? We should start looking at universities, especially if we want to send you abroad.”

Taking a breath in surprise, she spoke: “Mom, abroad?” the girl let out a sigh “I don't think it's necessary, I mean... Seoul has incredible universities and curriculums, it's not necessary to go far from home...”

“Seoul?” her mother asked incredulously “Do you think I, your mother, will send you to some mediocre university in Seoul? You must be crazy if you think you'll end up at any of those universities” she continued with contempt “You, miss, will get into an Ivy League university, like your father and uncle did and there’s no other way.”

The table fell into a small silence, where only the looks of Mrs. Hwang and (Y/N) were shared intensely, when slightly the voice of Daeho's mother was heard:

“Well, we also have to see if she's capable of passing the exams first, don't we?” she said quietly before delicately wiping her lips with the cloth napkin on her lap.

The gaze of (Y/N)'s mother abruptly changed to the other woman, who only smiled sideways in a mocking tone and feeling her cousin's body tense beside her, the girl's anxiety shot up a thousand miles per hour anticipating what was to come.

“What did you just say?”

“I think you heard me right, sweetheart. We must see if my niece really has the ability to pass exams as important as those of the Ivy League, because believe me, dear” she changed her view to the girl “it's not just going, sitting down, and looking pretty as you've done all these years.

It felt like a punch… right into her face.

Was it really like that? Did her appearance speak more than the effort she had put into her work for so long?

Was that how they really perceived her?

She knew she had much more to offer... why were they reducing her to just that? She was dedicated, she was responsible... wasn't all her effort worth it?

Wasn't it enough?

“I think you're the least qualified person to talk about children, Eunji” (Y/N)'s mother attacked “Daeho is no delicate flower, the disaster he is when you don't pay attention to him...”

The eyes of the mentioned boy widened and immediately (Y/N) dropped her hands on her table and got up from her seat.

“Mom! Stop this” the girl exclaimed.

“Do you think I'm going to let this woman come to my house to talk about you and my family like that, when we welcomed her with open arms?” her mother reproached, standing in front of her.

“You don't have any right to talk about mine either” now Eunji joined the conversation.

“Oh, come on, Eunji, stop being so blind and realize the kind of son you have.”

Daeho didn't need to be there anymore, which was why he fleetingly got up from his seat and without saying more, left the house with more haste than his cousin had ever seen. (Y/N) dropped her cloth napkin on the table with noticeable annoyance to try to go after her cousin, it was when her mother took her by the arm, squeezing firmly.

“Don't you dare set foot outside this house.”

She didn't know if it was the anger running through her veins or the tiredness of always wanting to do what her mother thought was right; but she didn't need to think twice when without looking back she went out the large door of her house, taking the keys to her car on the way. Her throat felt weird, she didn't want to waste a single tear. She shouldn't. With her hands slightly trembling and biting her lip, she took her cell phone and pressed a couple of numbers on it, waiting for the other line to answer.

With heavy breaths and sitting in the driver's seat of her car, she listened to the rings her phone produced and when she finally heard a response, she spoke quickly:

“Jungwoo, I'm sorry for calling late, but there’s a party we need to go”.

_____________________________________________

The scenario in which Jung Jaehyun found himself was not unfamiliar to him. His ears had been ringing from a few meters away before he arrived at one of the Suh residences; with Wong Lucas by his side and stepping out of his own car: a BMW M2, a car that he had won from a rich kid in one of his many bets a few months ago, thanks to his luck and his driving skills.

And since then, it had become his favorite car. Luckily, he could occasionally take it to his friend Taeyong's workshop to make some adjustments and add a couple of details to make the car even better.

Entering the mansion, he could see some familiar faces a few meters away from him. Some greeted him warmly as their dealer was just entering, while others tried to avoid him like the plague. Either way, Jaehyun didn't care how they looked at him.

He came with a single purpose in mind.

It was incredible to see how much someone like Johnny Suh could invest in one of his parties: it was crazy to see how he splurged everything for a simple night. However, that was his perfect hook for his businesses, and if he had to give double the money to Sooman by Monday, he had to get started right away.

Without exchanging a single word with Lucas and lightly taking him by the arm, he brought him closer to the wall; from his pocket, he took out a couple of small bags and immediately handed them to his friend, who only nodded, understanding everything and putting what Jaehyun had given him into the pockets of his jacket. They hugged with a quick pat on the back, and again, without saying anything, they separated.

Observing the environment cautiously, Jaehyun went into the luxurious house, trying to blend in with the people there. His ears were still ringing, and the smell of marijuana reached his nose. He inhaled subtly and relaxed his posture when Johnny Suh's figure stood in front of him.

"Jung Jaehyun!" the guy exclaimed, opening his arms. "Welcome to the Suh residence, my favorite dealer. What do you have for me this wonderful night?" he asked curiously while waving his hands.

Jaehyun put his hand in his pocket and carefully showed him the contents he had there, causing Johnny to smile ecstatically.

"Half or an ounce?" Jaehyun asked, putting the small bag back into his jacket.

"An ounce, my friend."

Friend, surely.

"You know how much it is," Jaehyun said as he took out the small bag again and placed it in the guy's hand, receiving a 50,000 won bill in his other hand in return. "Dude, I don't have any change with me," he warned.

"What are you talking about, Jae? Keep the change and enjoy the night. The drinks are by the kitchen, take whatever you want, and if you happen to go up to any of the rooms, don't forget to lock it," he patted his chest with a wink from his eye and left his sight without saying more.

Even with a bit of evident surprise on his face, he tucked the bill into his wallet and continued on his way; it would be a long night, so why not have a little fun while selling all his stuff?

He didn't know at what exact moment his first drink of the night ended, nor did he know at what moment he found himself among a circle of people who had bought at least a quarter of what he needed to sell, nor did he know at what moment his hand ended up on the waist of a girl who was looking at him while batting her eyelashes at him.

He knew better than anyone that it wasn't time to get drunk, especially with the heavy merchandise he was carrying with him, but how good it felt the slight dizziness that passed through his head, the weed made him momentarily forget everything. When he was younger, he had sworn he wouldn't fall into alcohol so easily, but it was a temptation that was hard to resist, and eventually, weed also helped. For a moment, he could be himself and forget everything at home, in his neighborhood, at work.

But how hard it was when all that effect wore off and he became simply Jaehyun again, the number one dealer of Neo Zone.

His eyes momentarily diverted from the girl in front of him, watching as at the back of the room there was a Yellow Wood guy; one of the gang his brother had gotten into trouble with, selling a package similar to the ones he was selling to none other than Hwang Daeho.

He didn't know what had come over him because clearly it wasn't his problem, but slowly he left the small group he was in, hearing behind him how the girl he had spent the whole night with called him while he ignored her, heading towards the two young men.

"Hey, Chris," Jaehyun greeted with a serious expression. "Don't worry, I'll take care of this guy."

"Oh, Jung, don't get involved when I'm finishing a deal," the mentioned one responded as he pocketed the bills Daeho had given me. "Don't think we've forgotten about the little show your brother and his friends put on a couple of months ago on the train tracks."

He clenched his jaw and could feel Daeho tense beside him. "It's not like I'm going to forget that you're dealing and doing business in Neo Zone territory either, go back to your city and sell there," the tattooed guy explained as he dangerously approached him.

"Look, Jung, the last thing I want tonight is a fight, so stop getting in my way," Chris replied as he walked away from the guys.

When they were alone, Jaehyun stood in front of Daeho and stretching out his hand, he spoke: "Give me what he sold you."

It wasn't his problem, so why was he doing this? He hadn't sold him anything, so he hadn't broken any deal.

Was alcohol playing tricks on him, making (Y/N)'s face appear in his mind? Daeho looked at him without understanding what he was asking for, and that was enough for Jaehyun to let out a heavy sigh to repeat: "Give me any crap that idiot sold you."

"Look, Jaehyun, I don't know what's going on, and if this has to do with buying from someone outside your area, I'm sorry, but dude, you haven't wanted to sell me anything in the last few weeks, and I can't go a single damn day without getting something else," Daeho explained, putting the package away in his bag and refusing to comply with what Jaehyun had just asked.

"I don't give a damn that you can't keep your damn body clean, but apparently, your cousin does care, so give me that," he demanded again.

"What does (Y/N) have to do with all this? Are you fucking her or something?" asked the boy in front of him with annoyance, and now that he paid attention, his eyes were slightly bloodshot.

He didn't have time to deal with a junkie right now.

"Go ahead, champ. Go keep putting that crap into your body, I don't want you crossing paths with me all night," Jaehyun requested, touching the bridge of his nose, feeling Daehyuk getting closer to him.

That guy had courage out of nowhere.

And that's what a substance can do for you.

"I remind you that you're no better than me, you consume it and sell it."

Daeho stepped away from him, leaving him alone and causing him to clench his fist. He was tired, tired of remembering every minute of his life how messed up it was. Did he have another option? No, he didn't have any other option, right now, it was either to sell all that heaviness in the pockets of his jacket or risk ending up on Monday with a beaten body and having to hide it from his mother.

The night was still young, and he had to end up with those empty pockets. He just hoped Lucas was doing his part correctly.

____________________________________________

Jungwoo was next to (Y/N); it had been a while since he and his friend went out partying, and although clearly, she wasn't there to have fun, she wanted to make the most of the night.

The girl next to him scanned the room for any sign of her cousin, but there was no trace of him. The familiar faces of her classmates ran through her mind, and she was starting to feel overwhelmed.

"(Y/N), I know you're worried about your cousin and all that," heard her best friend's voice above the music, "but I also know you need to have some fun. Why don't we do that? It's been a while since we've been to a party; we should make the most of it, and then later, you can kick Daeho's ass."

"I don't know, Woo."

"Look, the same pressure Daeho says he feels is the same pressure your parents put on you, and after the scene they made today at dinner? Don't you think you deserve a break?"

Jungwoo approached the table where a couple of drinks were, quickly preparing a paloma for his friend and handing it to her after finishing it.

"Let's enjoy the night, break away from your home, and be yourself. Not the girl your parents expect you to be, not the girl your business expects you to be. Just the teenager you are now, just that." The girl, although not very convinced, nodded and then took a sip of her drink, feeling that Jungwoo had put more alcohol than soda in it. The boy laughed at his friend's reaction and hugged her by the shoulders.

"Alright, let's have fun tonight."

(Y/N) had never been a big fan of alcohol, especially beer. If she occasionally enjoyed a drink, it was usually some kind of elegant wine that her father had in the mini wine cellar at home; some kind of Cabernet Sauvignon or Pinot Grigio... however, tonight, the acidity that ran down her throat every time she took a sip of her commercial beer was a feeling of ecstasy.

She didn't know if it was because Jungwoo's words were really resonating in the back of her head, where she remembered that, right now, what she needed to do was relax and distance herself from her family. Because she deserved it. So she wasn't sure when she lost sight of her best friend during the night, maybe it was sometime around eleven or twelve at night when Jungwoo left her side; nor was she sure when her head started to feel light after the third beer, but she was sure she was starting to lose count.

Normally, it was always Jungwoo and (Y/N), stuck side by side and never separating, which is why, at that moment, it was strange to see the girl around classmates, with whom she rarely engaged in conversation, but she truly didn't care in the state she was in, because she was having a good time, and especially because a nice guy, whom she didn't recognize, was making her laugh like she hadn't in a long time.

Her phone felt heavy in the small bag she was carrying, especially because she was aware of the numerous calls and messages she had been ignoring from her mother since she had arrived at the Suh residence, and although she knew she should answer those calls, she firmly believed that she didn't want to deal with her and her father.

For now, she just wanted to be a girl having fun and forgetting about everything else.

The image of Daeho had been temporarily erased from her mind a while ago, but at some point in her night, the doubt of whether Jung Jaehyun had attended the party had arisen.

Still, she couldn't see him.

Amidst all the numbness her mind was going through, she didn't notice when subtly the guy she had been talking to for an hour moved her away from the group of people they were with. Chris, she remembered his name, had a slight grip on her waist; something she hadn't paid the slightest attention to.

"Why are we moving away?" (Y/N) asked in a sleepy voice, letting herself be guided by the steps the guy took.

"Oh, I just thought it would be good if we moved away a bit to talk more. You know, we can get to know each other a little better," the guy responded, causing the girl to overlook the hint of malice that came out of his mouth.

"But we were fine with the others," she dragged her words as she tried to move away from Chris's grip on her body. "Where's Jungwoo?" she asked when her inner alarm went off.

"He must be around here somewhere, don't worry; we'll look for him later," he replied as he gently brought his lips to the girl's ear and then moved them to her jawline. "Let's have a good time for now."

A light kiss was planted there, and it was then that her senses returned coldly, and all the dizziness she had previously experienced disappeared slightly; putting her hands on the guy's chest to push him away abruptly.

"No, I don't want to look for him later. I want to go with Jungwoo now," the girl demanded after her failed attempt to push him away.

"Calm down, Hwang. You've been practically all over me all night; it's not time to start playing hard to get, is it?"

"What are you talking about, idiot?" she questioned sharply and tried to push him again; she looked into his eyes with anger and could see in them the way they were droopy, slightly bloodshot, and that's when she could gather who this guy was and what he did with his lif “let go of me now or...”

"Or what? Stop pretending to be a fucking innocent; it doesn't suit you," he said as he, again, brought his mouth to the girl's neck.

And surprised by the strength she found in that moment, with a strong push and after struggling, she was able to push him far enough to release a punch that went straight to his jaw.

"You damn bitch," the guy spat, letting go of her and grabbing her face.

"That would be the last time you touch me, and get that if a girl says no, it's because she means no."

"You'll regret it, you fucking bitch."

With her heart pounding in her chest and her mind still accompanied by a slight dizziness, she began to move away from the guy and the dark hallway she was in. It was difficult to walk when her legs felt shaky from the scene she had been involved in; she scolded herself mentally for drinking the amount of alcohol she had drunk, knowing well her low tolerance to it.

She looked for Jungwoo with her eyes, and it was difficult to find him when her vision was blurry. She wanted to get out of there. She wanted to do it now.

What an idiot Chris had been. She hated it when men looked for things that weren't there. She had never hinted that she wanted anything, nor that she wanted to get away from the group. She felt dirty to remember where his hands had been. How his fingerprints felt on her skin and how she wanted to hit him again in his stupid face.

She felt something strange in her chest, she didn't know how to explain it; it was a combination of anger and vulnerability she was experiencing. The slight distress she felt there could be noticed on her face, surrounded by so many people under the effects of who knows what substance, feeling her body reacting slowly and not knowing where the hell Jungwoo had gone.

When she felt a hand on her arm, stopping her steps, she feared it was Chris, who had gone after her. And with her breath caught in her throat, she turned around to find a pair of eyes that took her by surprise.

"Hey, are you okay, Angel?"

She thought it was the first time she was glad to see Jaehyun.

It wasn't weird seeing Jaehyun in Johnny's house, she knew he's use to come to this parties at the end his presence was required if her classmates wanted to have a good time. What it was weird to her a that in the last two weeks he has seen Jaehyun more often that her own cousin, that always seemed to have an excuse to avoid her.

She didn’t know if it was of the dizziness she was feeling or what, but Jung Jaehyun looked good. All dressed up in black leather, with his neck tattoo decorating his body and his pulled hair back. She must be really fucked up if she was thinking in how hot Jaehyun looked.

But that wasn’t the case right now, she needed someone because she couldn’t trust herself in that state.

And right now, among all the people inside the residence and adding that Jungwoo was nowhere to be found, Jaehyun was the only person she could rely on.

Could she really?

She thought there wasn't much difference between Chris and Jaehyun. In the end, they both did the same thing. Sure, in different areas, but their lives revolved around similar things; situations, people, experiences.

"I... I don't know where Jungwoo is," she clumsily said.

In her voice, Jaehyun could notice the slight clumsiness in tone, realizing that the girl had been drinking, approaching her delicately, now he could see the expression of concern on her face.

"And then that idiot of Chris," she continued with a disgusted face, and upon hearing the mention, Jaehyun defensively turned to look at her.

"Has Chris approached you? Was it something about Daeho?" he asked quickly.

(Y/N) nervously bit her lip to avoid the boy's gaze and again put her gaze on the hall where they were.

Where the hell was Jungwoo?

"Shit," the girl blurted out when she realized, "Chris sold something to Daeho, didn't he?" Seeing the expression on the boy's face, she knew the answer. "Damn it, I'm so sick of this," she said as she put her hands on her head. Her breathing quickened, and she felt her hands trembling. "What the hell do I have to do for Daeho to stop this nonsense? I came here to find him, and then Jungwoo thought it would be a good idea to have fun," she spoke quickly, causing Jaehyun to only catch a few words. "I'm sick of my mom and my aunt arguing about which family is better, then Jungwoo disappears, and the stupid of Chris tries something with me”.

"What? Has he done something to you?" Jaehyun asked, surprised.

"What's the point of having this damn deal with you?" she ignored the boy's words and continued, "I know you told me that Daeho would find another dealer as soon as he wanted to use again, but I had hoped he wouldn't. Now I'm overwhelmed with my tasks and yours, that damn report I have to submit in four days, and my mind is stuck. I don't know what else to do to keep everything at one hundred percent, when I'm not even at five percent," she confessed without thinking, and when she realized what she had done, she lowered her gaze. "Sorry, I know you're not someone who cares about this."

She turned around without letting the boy say anything, and after walking a bit, she heard behind her:

"Come on, I'll take you home."

Her brow furrowed, and she turned to face the boy, confused, she asked, "Huh?"

"It seems like you've been drinking a bit too much, and Jungwoo is nowhere to be found, I'll take you home, even if your car is parked around, I don't think it's wise to drive like this."

"What about you?"

"I stopped drinking two hours ago," the boy replied simply, "let's go."

When Jaehyun started walking, (Y/N)'s steps became almost automatic; without thinking about where she was going or with whom, they only followed the silhouette of the boy in front of her without a word.

Perhaps a few seconds later, when she noticed she was in front of Jaehyun's BMW, her mind questioned what she was doing.

She hadn't made wise decisions tonight.

With her hand hesitating on the door handle, debating her actions and whether she should get into the car or not, with her senses heightened knowing it was Jung Jaehyun who, presumably, would take her home, and with the same, already inside the car, waiting for her to react and finally make up her mind; her body trembled.

The music from the residence still echoed in her ears, yet above it, she could hear Jaehyun calling her from inside... and then, without further thought; she got into the car.

The car, to her surprise, looked clean; the scent she could perceive from it was odd... like a combination of marijuana and vanilla, in smoky tones... and now that she thought about it of the few times she managed to be close to Jaehyun, that was the same smell she perceived, and she couldn't help but think it was a pleasant smell. Odd but pleasant.

Jaehyun knew where the Hwang residence was, he had been close once when he had to make some deliveries in that area; that's why he didn't need to ask the girl for any directions, besides he didn't feel like having a chat, especially with someone he doubted was in their right mind.

The first few minutes were silent, she could hear (Y/N)'s soft breathing above the sounds of his own car, and he hoped the rest of the journey would be like that; until she decided to speak: “do you use as well?”

Jaehyun was taken back for the sudden question and the he shook his head. “Sometimes I smoke weed, but that the only thing I use. I don’t like other shit, I might not be the greatest person but I appreciate my body” he said jockingly. It was weird seeing Jaehyun joking with her. “But really, weed is the only thing I like.”

“Doesn’t make you an addict?” she questions again.

“Don’t think so” he answers. “I don’t do it often. Only when I’m really stressed about something, I can control myself” he says and she stayed quiet for a couple of minutes.

“What's next for you?" She asked out of sudden again, making Jaehyun furrow his eyebrows while he kept looking at the road.

"What do you mean?" Jaehyun asked without looking at her.

"It's the last year of school, do you know what's next for you?" (Y/N) asked again this time she stop looking at the window and she put his gaze in him.

Jaehyun scoffed "Do you really want to know?"

Did he really wanted to answer?

This is the longest talk they have ever had.

"I mean... I guess so"

The boy hated thinking about future. And now he hated even more because some preppy girl had to ask about it.

"I don't know" he said. "I don't think about future a lot if I'm honest" he didn't know why he answer though. He could just not say nothing if he wanted to.

"But you should" (Y/N) commented. "College is just around corner and there's a lot of options you should look up".

Jaehyun let out a laughter that left (Y/N) confused. Was he laughing at her? She tilted her head, she didn't know what was so funny.

"College isn't an option for me" he said as he stopped in a red light and then he moved his head so he could look at her. He didn't know why he was telling all of this. "There's no next for me after high school"

"You can't be serious" she mumbled. "There most be and option that can suit you"

"You don't know shit" he said and that alone made (Y/N) move in her sit a little bit uncomfortable.

"No, I might not but if you say that there's no other option for you... then I'm sorry, Jaehyun, I think I have to end the deal with you."

When Jaehyun abruptly stopped the car, he was glad that there was a red light at the traffic signal.

"What?"

"I'm tired of trying to help Daeho when he doesn't want to be helped," she confessed without even looking at him, "and... I think it's time to focus on me. It's too much work. Yours... mine... if I want to keep good grades, my assignments alone are enough, and if you don't have an interest in making something good for you, then I'll stop helping you out as well".

Jaehyun shook his head: "No, but I need your help. I can't fail. I can't be kicked out of school."

"I don't understand, Jaehyun," she said, changing her gaze from the street to the boy's eyes, "I don't understand why all this fuss about not being able to be kicked out of school if it’s because you don't want to ruin your business, not because you genuinely want to be better in your school life. You said it yourself, college isn't an option for you so, if this is only about your work I don't want to be involved or have any influence in something that is not legal".

Jaehyun's hands tensed on the steering wheel.

"You don't need to understand," he said as he moved forward at the green light, "they can't kick me out of school," he repeated firmly.

"Well, I'm sorry, Jaehyun. I made the decision. I appreciate the weeks when you didn't sell anything to Daeho, but even so, he finds a way to consume. It's not your fault. And I finally realized it's not my fault either. I also appreciate you taking me home, but after tonight, you'll go your way and I'll go mine."

"So you're okay with me being kicked out?" He asked with a side smile.

"We're not friends, Jaehyun" she stated. "We were just helping each other out. But if my cousin doesn't want to be helped, I don't need your help neither. I’m sorry if you needed mine but I can’t keep up with this anymore. Being involved with you was dangerous enough and I think it’s for the better"

It hadn't been long since the damn deal had taken place, but inside Jaehyun, he liked having an occasional interaction with the girl, especially if it was to annoy her... he found it funny every time she wrinkled her nose when she was upset with him or the way she tenderly rolled her eyes after he made a silly comment on purpose.

He might got used to her a little.

"I knew you rich kids weren’t faithful to your word" he said. "I guess I can't force you to anything," Jaehyun let out a sigh.

Another fifteen minutes passed in complete silence, with some discomfort on both sides. (Y/N) looking anywhere out of the windows but not putting her gaze on Jaehyun, and the boy was focused on the wheel.

Anyone who saw the scene would laugh to see two people as different as Hwang (Y/N) and Jung Jaehyun in the same car.

She was sure Jungwoo would laugh if he saw them.

Of course, after she kicked him a few times for leaving her.

She didn't notice precisely when they were entering her residence; it wasn't until the car stopped abruptly, and she could see through the window the immense house in front of them.

It was more appealing to stay in that car with the dealer than to deal with her mother.

"I guess it's time for me to go," (T/N) said, grabbing the car handle, "Thank you... Jaehyun... for bringing me, and I'm sorry I can't help you with your work anymore... but I can't do it."

The boy smiled slightly and adjusted his jacket as he shook his head.

"Take care, Angel," Jaehyun said and then said no more.

Jaehyun hadn't been a bad guy to her during the time they had agreed on the deal, however... for her own good; she hoped they wouldn't cross paths again, like it was before the start of the deal.

Jung Jaehyun was a dealer from the Neo Zone, and she had an image to uphold, that's why it was better for each to take their place.

But what was that she felt when she got out of the car and saw Jaehyun leave without even looking at her one last time?

a/n: taglist is open! thank you for reading! wait 4 the next chapter!

there’s a mention of Winwin, what could have happened to him?:0 idk, you might found in the next chapter, who knows?;)) I hope you liking this so far, sorry but I’m more into longer chapter than short ones. Love ya! Oh I’m also posting a Taeyong au later so check it out!

taglist: @gojoscumslut @bluedbliss s @dear-97 @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @hana-off-icial

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