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#not in a 'i had such a sad childhood how shall i ever relate' way
sips-tea-cutely · 2 years
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Hiii! I have a BSD request! Its a bot dark but its related to something that Ive been working through lately. Can you do as many bsd characters as you can reacting to their S/O getting emotional on their birtgday because they "didn't think they would make it this far"? Like they struggled with severe depression and suicidal thoughts/SH in their childhood and honestly didn't expect to make it to the age they are now? Its almost my birthday and I've been struggling with the same thing so i wanted some fluff with my favorite characters to help me through it! :) thank you so much!
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I’ll never love again because I am so in love with you.
“Everything passes
That is the one and only thing I have thought esembled a truth in the society of human beings here I have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.
Everything passes.
This year I am twenty-seven.” -No Longer Human
osamu dazai, ango sakaguchi, gin akutagawa, chūya nakahara, akiko yosano, tetchō suehiro, sigma
a/n: let it be known that my friend randomly picked these characters…. ALSO @your--local--freak hey baybee boii emo boi im sorry im in an rawr mood but in an ironic way
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#Osamu Dazai
“nightshade~ c’mon!! wakey wakey, it’s time to celebrate!” your boyfriend said while shaking your lucid body.
grumbling at your clear ignorance to him, he started kissing your face; on your forehead, your cheek— anywhere that he was able to reach. “h-?! alrightt!! osamu, im awake..” you groan at his sudden rush to wake up.
“c’mon, let’s get ready, it’s your birthday after all!” he said while removing his pajama shirt. “who are you and what have you done to osamu, when’ve you ever been excited by work?” you silently giggle
“hehe, i got the director to let us have a day off, i want to spend the whole day with you, of course!” he kisses your cheek once again, more gently and endearing rather than playful this time.
︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.
dragging you to every one of your favorite places, the cafe you used to frequent before joining the agency, the restaurant where the two of you had your first date, and the place you two had first met.
walking home from an arcade he dragged to, you looked unhappy, had he done it all wrong? “is something wrong, my nightshade? you look so sad!” he pouted. “hmm? ahaha, i’m fine osamu really—“ you laugh. “i just honestly did not think i’d still be alive.”
‘still be alive’? that was the thing he’d constantly say to ango and oda, he had felt dizzy from fear. “still be alive? does that mean you were considering committing double suicide with me? how honored, i am!” he grinned. of course, he’d never wish for you to die, you were someone who never did any intentional wrong; you were someone who unlike him, do not deserve to die.
“well, something like that, i guess. i used to be a little hopeless, i never really thought i’d make it.” you bitterly laugh, tears just threatening to spill. ah, no wonder you didn’t want to undress in front of him, you— just like him— had many scars.
what would’ve he wanted when he felt hopeless? someone who would take care of him, validate him when he felt like breaking apart.
suddenly grabbing your waist and lightly brushing your hair, he seems calmer than usual, most unlikely.
“i am glad you’re still alive, my dear. because you’ve done so much for me so, let me take care of you, just for tonight— ‘kay?”
silent for a while, you slightly nod, covering your glassy eyes. noticing the small gesture, he grabbed your cupped hands. how adorable
“well then, let’s get home now shall we? i have one more gift, me~!” he announced.
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#Ango Sakaguchi
waking up next to ango was quite rare; his job often demanded late nights and early mornings so just imagine the surprise when you saw ango peacefully next to you, hair uncared for and wild from all the all-nighters.
“ango, you’re late for work, hey!” you quietly shout while tapping on his face. shooting up in fear, ango seemed to remember where he was— at home, with you.
“right… i finished the most urgent documents a week ago and asked chief taneda for two days off. it’s alright— it’s your birthday, after all.” he explained, his heart finally calming from the panic. “what would you want to do, dear?” he rubbed his eyes and put on his glasses.
“let’s just stay in bed for a while…” you lie back down onto the edge of his chest. “mmh, sure, if it’s what you want.” he smiled at your simple domesticity, wrapping his arms around you as the two of you talked about almost anything and everything.
︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.
after seemingly exhausted every conversation you two could’ve ever had, the two of you sat in each others’ presence. noticing you staring at the wall, you seemed melancholic, something akin to dazai’s teenage angst.
“is something wrong?” he asked, sitting up. “mm, it’s nothing major, i just didn’t think i’d still be alive by now…” you mumbled.
hopelessness, that had been something he was familiar with, the port mafia reeked of desperation and misery, even after four years, it still haunts him.
both of his dear friends had dealt with depression and traumas— they drowned in their own hollowness and it ruined them both mentally. this time, he had another chance to stop that from happening again. maybe this could be the way he redeems himself to oda and dazai.
“your life is a beautiful thing, you know? i’m so proud of you for living through your pain, i’ve seen many times how hard it is to live when it seems there is no reason so even living itself is amazing.”
a cold tear fell onto ango’s hand as he caressed your face. “you deserve to be happy because everyone deserves that right.” he smiled at you.
standing up and tugging at your arm, he beckoned you to join him out of the bed and into the living room.
“let’s get up now, then? i still have one more thing to show you, your birthday present.
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#Gin Akutagawa
gin mostly did not show any affection publicly, so just imagine the surprise when you see her sneaking into your office with her hair down and her mask off for once.
“happy birthday, s/o!.. i got you this— it’s pastries from this new store that higuchi talked about, i thought maybe you’d like it…” she showed the fabric bag, tied with a red ribbon.
“oh, gin, there’s really no need for gifts, it’s alright!” you reassure her. before she can retort, you expand— “let’s share it instead, how about that?”. a bit confused, she agreed and sat down in the chair facing you.
grabbing one of the powdered confections, “mm… if you don’t mind me, why would you not want a present?” she asked before biting into the treat.
“haah, well i wont lie, it’s just that i never saw a use to living. it’s quite hopeless, really. im surprised im still alive.” you remark, just meekly laughing at the last part.
there’s a familiar look in your eyes, something in ingrained into her mind— ‘those who want to die have an equal desire to kill’, something her older brother often said.
“why would you say that? living up until now is a milestone we should celebrate!” she said, much more confident than usual. “gin, really, there’s no need to talk about it, it’s just something from my childhood..!” you try to move on from the conversation but she can’t.
childhood— did something happened to you? were you raised in similar conditions as her? the slums she grew up in were in terrible condition, were you hunted by traffickers as well? her thoughts ran wild as she thought of what she could do. if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine, she just wants to be there for you.
“hmm… i may not know as well as you the conditions you lived under but… i’m so grateful that you are still alive to this day, you mean more to me than you know, s/o.” she said, raven hair just slightly hiding the redness in her cheeks.
barely giving a moment to think, she grabbed you out of your chair. “come!” she smiled elegantly. “it’s your birthday so, let’s have as much fun as you want.”
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#Chuya Nakahara
chuya cherished birthdays, especially yours. it is the day that his love was born after all, so did you expect less than for him to go all out?
waiting for you in your shared apartment— a rich dark chocolate cake on the bar counter, slow-dance music playing on CD player, and most importantly— him standing in your doorway with dozens of roses.
jingle, creak… “AAH!” you scream, hitting the intruder with your bad. “shit!” the crimson flora fly all over room as your boyfriend cups his cheek. “chuya?! what the hell are you doing there?” you shakily ask, turning on the lights.
“well, duh, it’s your birthday and i wanted to surprise you.. fuck..” he groans. “don’t just stand there in the dark, it makes you look creepy! are you ok?” you grunt before checking on him yourself.
“yea, nothing that’ll mark.” he breathily laughed at the whole situation. “now, back to what i planned—“ he grabbed some of the roses on the floor. “happy birthday, s/o.” he smiled, giving an endearing kiss on your lips.
“chuya, you really didn’t have to do all of this..” you told him. “i cant treat it like it’s just any day, it’s special because it’s your birthday.” he answered back as he guided you towards the dining table.
“plus, i had to fight off an agency scum for this cake, you better try some.” he joked as he placed it onto the table.
tasting some of the rich cacao, it’s so warm. the feeling of calm fills your psyche. “it’s that good, hm? glad to know.” he smiled, noticing your obvious mellowness. “it’s so comforting” you dreamily said.
“i’m so proud of you for living up until now.”
chuya had always known you had a bad childhood, so he had always made it a statement to express his love. even when he was busy, trying to talk to you about your day while the two of you prepared for bed.
remembering the things you loved and thought of chuya knew like it was the back of his hand but even so, him observing your behavior in the upcoming days till your birthday is so… sweet of him.
“you made it another year, you’re so strong.” he smiled genuinely. noticing the glassy look in your eyes, he pulled himself closer to you. “ah— shit, please don’t cry.” he wiped the tears off with his glove.
“c’mon…” he slightly sighed. “your birthday isn’t meant to be spent being depressed about the past, all that matters is that you’re alive right now so why don’t’ ‘ya celebrate that you got past ‘em?”
“n..noo.. im not sad… you’re just so sweet, ugh…” you groan. “i…” chuya stood, silent… “well, i still stand by what i said, we should still celebrate you.”
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#Akiko Yosano
yosano cherishes life, birthdays are a reminder of that. so it’s honestly no surprise that she took you out on a day off.
going to your favorite shops, buying you anything you wanted, she couldn’t say no when it’s your birthday!
“mm, come, i have a reservation at your favorite restaurant” she dragged you along with her, going over to the waiter in the front.
exchanging words, soon enough he showed you over to a table for two, the edge showing a beautiful view of the sky; blue, white and grey fog the sky and move at a snail’s pace.
“fufu… what does it feel to be another year older, dear?” she smiled, admiring your features. “hm, well it still feels a little weird…” you laugh.
“well, that’s just a given, it’ll feel normal eventually.” she reassured. “aah, well that’s part of the problem but most of it is… ah, im ruining such a happy mood, nevermind!”
︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.
finishing your meal, it felt comforting, like it was home. mellow thoughts clouded your head until the staff surrounded you, singing happy birthday as they placed a free dessert in front of you.
“i don’t think i can say it enough but… happy birthday, darling.” yosano stared lovingly. until— she noticed how shaken up you seemed? did you not want to be put on the spot?
“thank you for this day, ‘kiko…” you smile gracefully. “i didnt think i’d make it to see the day, i feel so happy now that i’m with you.” you smile so appreciatively, so lovesick and joyed— the same grateful smile ranpo pulled out of her the day she joined the agency. did she really mean that much to you?
“life is always fleeting, i know better than most how it feels when you want to die at such a young age, and… i’m so proud of you for waking up everyday.”
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#Tetchou Suehiro
tetcho was obviously not good with emotions. but something he was sure of was that he loved you so for you, he tries his best to be more affectionate.
coming into your office with some strawberry pudding, he placed it onto your table. “happy birthday, s/o.” he said, grabbing your hand and kissing it. “oh, ‘cho! i’m surprised there isn’t anything… odd about this. hehe, thank you.” you giggle.
“well, i was planning to add shichimi spices as a garnish however, vice commander okura and jouno heavily advised against it.” aha, in his samurai nature, he’s as honest as ever. “mmh… well, it’s still delicious, thank you, tetchou.” you smile and placing the dessert spoon back onto the bowl.
“alright now… what would you like to do? i am here for you.” as monotone as ever, he stood with incredible posture. “‘cho, really it’s fine i’m just glad to spend it with you here.” you wave your hand in reassurance.
“hm, are you sure? this day comes once a year, we should celebrate it.” he tilted his head in confusion. “ahaha, i honestly just wanna spend some time with you, it’s alright..” you respond with an overwhelmingly big smile— a smile he has only seen on jouno when he’d been interrogating various criminals.
“may i know why? whenever it is jouno’s birthday, he is supposedly my superior.” he asked, except for that last part... “i don’t really wanna talk about it, tetchou. let’s just spend some time together.”
slightly pissed with such an indeterminate answer, he started to dig deeper. “please let me know, s/o. so i can comfort you properly.” he pushed.
probably guessing it’s no use since he’d continue to push it, you just sighed tiredly as you vaguely explained the details of your childhood, your problems with suicide and so on. looking back to him, tetchou was silently fuming.
“the people who did this to you, the ones who made you cry— they are the ones who deserve to die. how dare they make a child feel this way?” he narrowed his eyes, as if pondering death. that is until he pulled you close to his chest, losing his hands in your hair.
“i will be here for you to make sure you never cry ever again.” his eyes full of resolution. “that is my promise to you.”
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brainbuffering · 1 year
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12 Days of Manga (2022)
Day 6: Top 3 Josei
1) I want to be a Wall by Honoami Shirano from YenPress (T: Emma Schumacker L: Alexis Eckerman) 
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[ID: English Cover for Vol 1 of “I want to be a wall” A woman and a man in traditonal japanese wedding garb sit next to each other, but facing different directions. The woman looks nervous and anxious, the man sad and stoic. A pink knot is behind them.]
“Any love story aficionado will say that the key to a successful couple is intense desire for one another—but what if the characters in question are an asexual woman with a passion for Boys Love stories and a gay man whose heart forever belongs to his oblivious childhood friend? Although romance will never be in the cards for newlyweds Yuriko and Gakurouta, the bond blossoming between them promises to be a wonderful relationship—the likes of which neither has ever experienced before...”
Not only is this series my top Josei of the year, it’s probably my favourite new series of the year full stop!
The notion of a Lavender Marriage, that is to say, a marriage between two queer people (usually a man and a woman) in order to disguise the fact that they’re queer from society, is not something that is explored that much in media and when it is the focus is on the tragedy of being forced into that situation. What I’m enjoying here though, is that whilst the tragedy of needing to bow to social pressure isn’t diminished, we’re also shown the beauty of queer solidarity, and the development of a wonderful queer-platonic relationship. I’m really looking forward to watching these two fall in love in the deep felt platonic sense, and whilst I naturally want Gakurouta to find romantic love with another man, I’m excited to see him open up more to Yuriko. I want them to find joy and laughter together too.
There’s an Alan Bennet Quote that goes:  “The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things – which you had thought special and particular to you. Now here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out and taken yours.”   That’s what reading this book felt like. As though i wasn’t completely alone, as though there were people out there who cared about me, who saw the world as I did, and would gently hold my hand as the world collapses around us. 
From an Asexual perspective, Yuriko’s coming out story felt deeply resonante. I was almost in tears from how relateable it was. We’re shown just how isolated she felt by her friends casually cruel words and rejections, and that just because she’s Asexual doesn’t mean she doesn’t suffer in a heteronormative society. The solidarity on display between her and the Gakurouta is so delightful to behold, and I am desperate to know what happens next. I’m especially interested in how they came to meet and agree to this arangement to begin with, but for that I shall have to sit and be patient! That’s the problem with reading a brand new licence, you can’t just drop all your money there and then and read everything in existance! You have to wait....
Volume two is set for release in January, and I don’t think I could be MORE hyped for this slice of life not-romance. More series like this please!
2) The Yakuza’s Guide To Baby Sitting by Tsukiya from Kaiten Books (T: Jenny McKeon L: Viet Phuong Vu E: David Musto)
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[ID: English Cover of Vol 1 of Yakuza’s Guide to Babysitting, Kirishima wears a white shirt and black suit trousers. In one hand he has a red PE Kit Bag, and a yellow tote bag with a bunny print on it with a rolled up piece of paper inside. Yakae gently holds his other hand by the finger. She is wearing her school uniform, nervously holding onto the strap of her school bag and looking away from Kirishima.]
“WHO’S YOUR NANNY? Kirishima Tooru is the right-hand man of the Sakuragi crime family. For him, the job is a perfect excuse to let his violent instincts run wild, earning him the nickname “the Demon of Sakuragi”. It seems like nothing will stand in the way of his vicious nature. But then one day, he receives an assignment like never before from the boss—babysitting his daughter! This is the heartwarming (or is it bloodcurdling?) story of a little girl and her yakuza caretaker!”
I got Volume 1 for free as part of a promotion for the anime which came out this year too, and after reading it I immediately went and bought the next two. Now I’m anxiously updating my lists to find out when Vol 6 is going to come out...
There isn’t much to this series. It’s your very basic Yakuza DILF Found Family Manga, but it is an EXCELLENT one. I love the different family dynamics, and I love reading about all these different big fearsome men who love thieir wives and daughters. It’s so sweet and has so much heart, plus lots of men arm deep in blood and violence. Should that also be your jam.
Where as I dropped “Way of the House Husband” after Vol 5 for becoming too slow paced and repetative, what I’m loving about Guide to Babysitting is that we’re allowed to see actual character development! Be that insight into a characters past to provide context for their current behaviour, or just to see the relationship between Yaeka and her father begin to heal after so much hurt for so long. I’ve cried just as much as I’ve laughed reading this series which is all you really want from a slice of life!
Me being me, I’ve also had a a lot of fun to compare the localisation of the manga and the anime, and I have to say I’m really enjoying McKean’s version best. The characters feel as though they each have a unique voice and the way they write the jokes really helps make them hit! I’m watching the anime in the dub, and greatly enjoying it in general! There's been some great meta jokes of late too, making the most of Kirishima and Tatsu (from Way of the Househusband) share an english Voice Actor. I would highly recommend it to anyone in need of something to look forward to on a Thursday that isn’t a 4 hour long live play DND web series.
Yakuza’s Guide to Babysitting might not be anything special to anyone else, but its special to me! And that’s what matters most.
3) Knight of the Ice by Yayoi Ogawa from Kodansha (T: Rose Padgett L: Jennifer Skarupa E: Tiff Joshua, TJ Ferentini) 
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[ID: English cover of Knight of the Ice Vol 1: Kokoro poses in a black ice skating outfit with lace sleeves and diamond buttons. There are sparkles behind him.]
“A rom-com manga on ice, perfect for fans of Princess Jellyfish and Wotakoi. Kokoro is the talk of the figure-skating world, winning trophies and hearts. But little do they know... he's actually a huge nerd! From the beloved creator of You're My Pet (Tramps Like Us).
Chitose is a serious young woman, working for the health magazine SASSO. Or at least, she would be, if she wasn't constantly getting distracted by her childhood friend, international figure skating star Kokoro Kijinami! In the public eye and on the ice, Kokoro is a gallant, flawless knight, but behind his glittery costumes and breathtaking spins lies a secret: he's actually a hopeless romantic otaku, who can only land his quad jumps when Chitose is on hand to recite a spell from his favorite magical girl anime!”
Speaking of series that are complete and you can just drop all your money on in one go and binge to your heart’s content....
Okay, so I didn’t drop all my money and I’ve only read 7/11 Volumes but that is just a sign of my self restraint! You should all be very proud of me.
I’d seen “Knight of the Ice” spoken about before on TikTok and knew it to be popular, but didn’t think much of it other than that it sounded like Yuri on Ice but for Straight People. However when it was in a Kodansha Sale for less than a fiver, I thought I would give it a go! It was boiling hot. There was ice. Maybe looking at it would help cool me down?
What I found was a wonderful, heartfelt, grown up sports romance. Kokoro and Chitose are delightful in their childhood-friends-to-lovers trope, neither sure what to make of their lives now they’re actually in a relationhip, and what things are actually going to change between them now they've finallyadmittedtheir feelings. Kokoro's role as a minor celebrity helps add some cliche drama that might not be everyone's cup of tea, but which I found delightfully tropey and fun. The series is supported by a whole cast of zany characters, meaning that it never takes itself too seriously for too long.
Ogawa’s sense of humour definetly appeals to me, and I was happy to see the casual inclusion of a trans character! Sure, he’s a side character without much to do, but I’ll take what I can get in these TERF filled days. And honesty, I'm really impressed that they included a positive, realistic depiction of a Trans Person given that this was furst written in 2013! (Note: 3 years before YOI)
Like with a lot of my favourties, I don’t think that this series necessarily has anything important to say or do. I don’t think it needs to be studied under a microscope and celebrated as the pinacle of comics creation... but I had FUN! It was entertaining! It made me laugh, it made me flail, it makes me keep coming back and that’s all I need from a sports romance manga.
The series seems to often be in Kodansha’s digital sales, so I won’t be rushing out to finish the series right this second, but I will be constantly checking my Bookwalker Wish List just in case....
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simplyclary · 11 months
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The Little Mermaid: A Part of my World Come To Life
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(Photo credits: Disney)
Looking back, I have never been so excited for a Disney live-action movie.
It was my biggest childhood fantasy dream came to life. I feel like I have waited for this for 20 years and now, I finally saw it and I couldn't ask for anything more.
Before the actual review of the movie, I'll take myself (and you guys) on a little trip down memory lane for a little bit.
*nostalgic music*
I was about 3 or 4 (Idk exactly) when I saw Disney's The Little Mermaid for the very first time and her song "Part of your World" was one of the very first songs that I have ever learnt to sing.
Of course, I can't remember most of this but I remember being mesmerized by Ariel and the environment of the entire underwater kingdom. I love her so much that I even dreamed of becoming a mermaid at one point in my life.
I also collected a few Ariel-related merch, including a paper doll that I folded in the bottom part that made it seem like she had fins and I walked around the hallway of my house and waved her around and imagined she was swimming.
I would also like to share that with the few times that I have been to Disneyland (I've only been to HongKong Disneyland and Disneyland California), I have always teared up at everything Little Mermaid-related. Hearing the melody of her theme song always fills my eyes with tears. Seems like I'm exaggerating, but it's true.
Throughout my childhood and teenage years, Ariel had a constant spot in my top 3 favorite Disney Princesses (she's usually switching with Belle for the top one spot) and I seemed to always wish for a live-action movie.
And now, it finally came true....
*a little over 6 months ago*
During D23 last year, the first teaser to the live-action Little Mermaid movie starring Halle Bailey was revealed and I remember watching it over and over again, just to listen to her sing the last bit of Part of your World and I admit that I teared up just hearing that.
It was at this point that I knew that this film is something that my child self and present self would enjoy.
And I did...
The Movie Review
This review will not need spoiler warnings because the movie is still the same story (with a few twists that I will not reveal for the sake of still leaving you guys with surprises) from the original 1989 animated movie.
First off, the review of the characters and I shall start with the titular character herself, Princess Ariel. Ariel (Halle Bailey) is mesmerizing. Ariel's signature instrument is her voice and Halle just hypnotized me with it. Every time she vocalizes and sings, I just turn awestruck and teary-eyed. She's meant to be Ariel and I couldn't imagine anybody else playing my favorite princess.
As for Prince Eric (Jonah Hauer-King), he is a good love interest and character overall. I love how he adventurous he is. He may have a solo song in the movie so watch out for that.
The king himself, King Triton (Javier Bardem), is executed well. In the scene where he finds out that Ariel is in love with a human, his anger just emanated through the screen and I frightened myself a bit and I shared Ariel's sadness when he destroyed her entire collection because I would have reacted the same way.
No story is complete without a villain and Ursula (Melissa McCarthy) just serves. I love how funny she can be, especially with how Melissa enunciated some of her lines and sang her song "Poor Unfortunate Souls". She's one of those villains who can make me scared and laugh at the same time.
The side characters Scuttle (Awkwafina), Sebastian (Daveed Diggs) and Flounder (Jacob Tremblay) remains to be iconic. Their dynamics with each other is just hilarious and they provide some of the most light-hearted moments in the film.
Songs wise, I have nothing to complain about because they simply revamped the original music from the original film and turned it into something more modern. I also love the new songs that Alan Menken and Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote for the film. I will be listening to them on repeat, for sure.
I am not one to be technical so I don't really have complaints about the CGI and stuff like that. I know there are some flaws because movies are not made to be perfect and I simply like to appreciate everything.
I would like to thank the cast and crew for bringing this amazing story that I love so much to live-action. It is stunning, mesmerizing and enchanting. I also like to thank Halle Bailey for bringing Ariel to life. I couldn't imagine any other person playing her than you!
*conclusion*
I am honestly still reeling from this movie experience because I really feel like I've waited for this my whole life and now that it's done, I just want to relive every single moment. I will surely watch it again when it comes on digital because how can I not?
Ariel's story is a part of my world that I have been retreating to for comfort and happiness and seeing that story come to life just gave happiness to my inner child. This is a movie that I will forever love and cherish.
Be sure to join Ariel and friends under the sea by watching "The Little Mermaid" this Friday in theaters.
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medalloway-blog · 3 years
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Tedromeda fanfics
As time goes by I start to think this is the relationship I am more curious about in the whole HP universe. Ted Tonks is the Hufflepuff whose love and patience won Andromeda’s heart. Andromeda is the Black that got away and, despite the hardships, had a full and happy life. Teddy is her shining star, her beacon, in the end. 
Tedromeda is one of the best love stories in canon. And yes, for fancast I really like Keira Knightley and James McAvoy for Andy x Ted. 
Below I leave a (long) list of Tedromeda fanfics, some I’ve read, others are still pending. Leave your suggestions!
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the lost generation (Chapters 5, 12 and 17) by Jennbob | Multichapters - Ongoing | Wolfstar and Jily | I sincerily worship the way Andromeda is portrayed in these chapters, her relation with Cissy, Sirius and Ted Tonks is, in my opinion, brilliantly explored. In fact, this fanfic does an amazing job in portraying the Black family, Regulus and Alphard Black are two other characters I am particularly fond of in this fanfiction. 
Summer of 72’ by @padfoot-prongs-and-polaroids | Multichapters (9 so far) | Ongoing | Tedromeda | This is the story of the summer Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks fell in love. The thing I like the most in this love story is how support characters are developed and their stories intertwined with the two main characters - Andy and Ted. It’s a comforting love story, I am enjoying a lot reading it.
all is quiet in the clearing by slyther_ing | Oneshot | Tedromeda | His one regret, at the end of it all, is that he cannot turn back time and bring them both to the nights when Dora had settled into the deep slumber of a baby and they had watched her ever changing hair. This is a sad-slash-angsty oneshot, but very beautiful and profound about the last moments of Ted Tonks. 
waiting in the dark by amberwoods @merflk | Oneshot | Tedromeda | Andromeda's parents are part of a political movement trying to get Lord Marvolo into power by any means necessary. Sometimes, they take prisoners. It's Andromeda's job to take care of them.However, something is different about the latest unexpected guest. And he might just change Andromeda's entire life. A powerful and beautifully written piece of fanfiction. 
Night and Day by C.Queen | Multichapter (19) Complete | Tedromeda | Andromeda Black is anything but thrilled when she's forced to tutor Ted Tonks, a Muggleborn. The goofy, clumsy Hufflepuff isn't like anyone she's ever met, and he just might be teaching her a thing or two along the way.
Lessons by womeninthesequel @women-inthe-sequel | Oneshot | Tedromeda | No matter where she goes or what she does, Andromeda can't forget her childhood lessons. A powerful oneshot about Adromeda’s decision to leave her family.
Can’t Take My Eyes Off You by @siriusuntiltheveryend | Oneshot | Tedromeda | A short and cute drabble with Ted flirting Andromeda.
They Can’t Destroy Us by @xomarauders​ | Oneshot | Tedromeda | A safety and conforting oneshot about how Ted saves Andromeda, or in other words, how love saves Andromeda. I really like this one too.
Follow your heart by CharisaAce | Oneshot | Tedromeda | The five times Andromeda Black turned down Ted Tonks, and the one time she didn’t.
tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us by thewhitebirds | Oneshot | Tedromeda | Three conversations shape Andromeda Black's love story (one with a sister, one with an uncle, and one with a daughter).
summer in the city by thewhitebirds | Oneshot | Tedromeda | The fateful days before, during, and after Andromeda Black's infamous elopement in summer 1972.
Run Away with me by diva.gonzo | Multichapter (9) Complete | Tedromeda |  Andromeda Black receives a letter from home - and throws her life into a bubbling cauldron of personal ambition versus family duty. And then there is the complication of Ted Tonks in her life. What shall the Slytherin Head Girl do?
Blackbird by artemis15sc |  Multichapter (60) Complete | Tedromeda |  Andromeda knows who she is, but when she's forced into an arranged marriage, she dreams of being something else. Enter Ted Tonks, the spontaneous muggleborn with a quirky grin and a habit of showing up at the worst of times. He's everything she never wanted, but she's still drawn to him. Though with the darkness rising around them, now may not be the best time to learn to fly.
BlackBird Singing by artemis15sc | Multichapter (30) Complete | Tedromeda | Ted and Andromeda thought after everything they sacrificed to be together, the worst was behind them. They couldn't be more wrong. As Hogwart's new out and proud mixed-blood couple, everyone either loves them, hates, or wants something from them. The honeymoon is over. Time to face reality.
Boom Boom by Lilae Kane | Multichapter (5) Incomplete | Tedromeda |  Andromeda Black is always a little too curious about things, Ted Tonks gets a little too sad sometimes, and a chance explosion in a potions classroom will change everything.
How the Badger Courts the Snake by CokeBottleK |  Multichapter (7) Complete | Tedromeda |  She was a Slytherin, he was a Hufflepuff. She was a Black, he was a Muggle-born. They shouldn't have been together at all. But they just couldn't help themselves. Unfortunately, not all chapters are accessible, no idea why. 
Sweat the Battle by ikorous | Multichapter (Ongoing) | Tedromeda | Andromeda was a Black and the whole of the wizarding world knew what that meant- strict social structures, timeless traditions, and a historical linage she was supposed to continue. But Ted Tonks was not from the wizarding world and his interjection into her life made Andromeda question everything she had ever been told. (added to the list 25th April 2021)
the ruler of men by chill_mee | Multichapter (43) Incomplete | Tedromeda | Contrary to popular belief, Andromeda Black was not a well-behaved Black that changed when she fell in love. She always felt asphyxiated by her toxic family. This is her story: growing up, rebelling against her family, running away with a muggleborn, and watching her loved ones die. (added to the list 25th April 2021)
The Princess and the Hufflepuff by smartvpants | Multichapter (25) Complete | Tedromeda | Andromeda Black is an obedient daughter. As the middle child of well-connected purists, she's fully compliant with their plan: graduate with high-level NEWTs, marry Rabastan Lestrange, and settle into a life producing pure-blooded heirs. But there's no room in her parents' plan for her own Slytherin ambitions, and it's not the sense of purpose Andromeda would have chosen.Ted Tonks is a muggleborn. He's gotten too used to lying to his muggle friends about where he goes every school year. The handsome and charismatic Hufflepuff has a lot of friends, but he feels restless. Then Andromeda Black appears in the dungeon corridor where he's chosen to finish off his summer stash, and a fire is lit inside him.It's a bad idea: a muggleborn and the daughter of one of the "Sacred Twenty-Eight"-- especially as Voldemort and his followers become increasingly brazen in their attacks on muggles. But Andromeda and Ted can't keep their hands off of each other, and they're willing to risk it all for a tiny slice of happiness in an ever-darkening world. (added to the list 25th April 2021)
Andromeda Black and the Fight for Freedom by RoLouG | Multichapter (22) Complete | Tedromeda | Andromeda Black has never quite fit in with her sisters. As she starts her fifth year at Hogwarts, she meets Ted Tonks, and she begins to grow apart from her controlling family. But the new life she forms for herself will be anything but easy. (added to the list 25th April 2021)
Let me know if you have any other suggestions to add to this list.
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No Control
Fandom: Assassin’s Creed Rating: Mature Pairing: Arno Dorian x fem!reader Word count: 3694 Genre: angst but later fluff
Inspired by Hamilton, again. Enemies to lovers, but make it fast. Might contain triggers.
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Since the day you two have met, your relationship couldn't be more complicated. He was snarky and sassy Sad Boi, you were mean and Miss Perfect. He considered you a bitch, you considered him a jerk. Both of you lived for the other's failures and were delighted to humiliate and belittle the other on every occasion. But never once these fights interfered with your assassin job, the Creed was always your priority. You could be professional enough to put your feelings aside and cooperate for the sake of your mission. As the time passed and you were spending more time together, you got to know each other and started to grow somewhat close.
You knew something really bad had happened the moment you saw Arno entering the room. Although you were discussing some matters with the council, no one informed you what happened and why exactly he was there. If that wasn't enough, you were told to leave. The council had to talk to Arno in private. You did leave, of course. But as soon as you were out of sight, you ran to the other side of the hideout and placed yourself in a perfect spot for eavesdropping. It wasn't comfortable at all, but it was nothing you couldn't bear.
Despite your cold and snarky attitude, you cared about Arno. And it was no fun seeing him get in trouble, even though you would say it was, to keep your reputation. You were also curious about what he did this time to earn such a reprimand. It took a lot to be scolded by the whole council themselves. When you learned what happened, you started to think about getting away.
“(Y/n), you are not supposed to be here” you heard master Mirabeau and you nearly fell out of your hiding place. Luckily you managed to compose yourself and you got out with grace and dignity.
“Oh, great. You must be happy now” Arno said harshly and you winced a little. You may have not been very nice towards him, but it didn't mean you enjoyed his failures.
“I am not” you said calmly.
“Excuse me, but the last thing I want now is your mockery” he turned around and started to leave.
“I do not plan to do that. I need to talk to you.” Despite him being clearly unwilling to listen, you followed him.
“Save it.”
“Arno, wait. I know how you feel.”
“No, you don't.”
“I used to be just like you: brash, reckless, inexperienced and I wanted to act, not think. I have done something terrible, everyone paid for my mistake. I thought I was meant to do great things, to prove my worth, to play a big role in history. I thought I could have the whole world at my feet. Then everything slipped out of my hands in a brief moment. After that, my father took me aside and said: "Let me tell you what I wish I’d known when I was young and dreamed of glory. You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story." And I realized he was right. So now I'm telling that to you. Don't let your feelings cloud your mind.”
“I do not need your smart advices” he said dryly, but he stopped and turned around to face you. “Besides, I will never believe you have done something worse than I have.”
“I straight up murdered my friends” you deadpanned. Arno looked at you, speechless and shaken. “I know what I'm talking about.”
“H-how?”
“It was a few years ago. We were just a bunch of teenaged novices. We thought we knew everything and we could do anything, just like we thought our creed says. I was in charge of them, due to my family being a very important part of the Brotherhood. I was the best of them, as well. Apparently also the luckiest. We decided to break into the Templars' quarters and prove our worth. As you can guess, we were slaughtered due to our miscalculation and carelessness. I was the only one surviving, because I was badly injuried and they thought I died right away, so they did not finish their job. Also because someone overheard the conversation between the two Templars and told my father who came to save me personally. He found me sitting among the bodies of my friends and enemies, badly injuried and completely shocked, terrified and devastated. I still can remember how wet my robes were, or that I was slipping on my own blood while trying to get out, or that the pain of my wound was nothing compared to pain in my heart. I knew I had failed everyone. Besides me, only two girls did not die right away. I personally ended the suffering of one, due to her nasty fatal wound, they just gutted her, but she did not die and begged me to kill her. The second one died two days later, when I was fighting for my life with my wound and a fever. That day has changed me forever. That day I understood that it is so easy to die and there is nothing noble in it. It is way harder to live with consequences of my decisions. The Brotherhood lost eight apprentices that day. I lost eight of my friends and myself. I might stand here being an assassin after all, but I am just a mere shadow of the one I used to be. My wounds almost made me disabled, it's a miracle I can walk, the doctors couldn't believe it would ever happen. But I still feel the pain that reminds me of my horrible mistake and the toughest lesson of my life I had learned. I am useless at fight or free running, therefore I mastered stealth and disguise. But it's like having a hypersensitive hearing while being blind. I merely make up for what I don't have anymore. I also do my best trying to find the Piece of Eden. Not only because Brotherhood needs to keep it safe, but also because it can heal me. I know the location of one Piece, but it is safely hidden far away and it does not attract any unwanted attention. The one in Paris, however, is being searched for by both Assassins and Templars. So I decided to ignore my personal needs for the greater good and focus on looking for the one that is needed to be found, instead of getting the easy option and going for the one I have found already” you concluded, subconsciously clutching the clothes on your lower abdomen. The familiar jab was present there, as usual. The painful memory of your past and a lesson for the future. Arno was looking at you in dead silence.
“I am sorry” he said finally, his voice was soft and quiet.
“Don't be. I get what I deserve. Remember my story and learn from my mistakes. Do not repeat them. Respect life and death” you warned him.
“No, I am sorry for thinking you were just mean, grumpy and selfish” he explained. “I would not be happy myself if I had to live in constant pain and with such memories.”
“I got used to it” you shrugged. “Though I admit, I would rather have my friends alive and punished by the council instead of this.”
“I am going to help you find that Piece of Eden. You deserve to be redeemed and cured” Arno promised and you smiled a little.
“Thank you. That means a lot” you bowed your head in a gesture of appreciation.
“Good to hear you are a responsible man, monsieur (mister) Dorian. I always knew you are a lot like your father, after all” spoke Mirabeau, approaching the two of you, he looked at Arno, then at you and noticed your gesture. “You should rest, my child” he put his hand on your shoulder.
“I'm fine” you protested.
“My brother would kill me for not taking care of you” the older man reminded you.
“He should have taken care of himself, then he could be taking care of me in person instead of lying in grave” you growled angrily, then hissed when the pain in your old wound strengthened. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to relax, knowing that stress was making everything worse. “I apologize. You are right, I shall get some rest, uncle” you said quietly and headed to exit.
“Let me help” said Arno and followed you.
“There is no need” you answered, but grabbed his arm for support, when the jolt of pain almost made you bend over.
“Sure.”
“I'm serious, I- gah” you stopped walking, waiting for pain to ease. Arno didn't ask for the second time, he simply caught you and lifted you bridal style. As much as you hated to admit, you needed this.
“You never mentioned that you and Mirabeau are related” he spoke after a while.
“I did. I told you that my family is meaningful in Brotherhood. I just didn't mention him specifically” you said like it was nothing. Well, to you it was.
“So? Care to explain?”
“My father was his younger brother, that's the big secret” you sighed. “As you can guess, I would rather keep that information in private. I do not want anyone to think that I am somehow privileged, because I'm not.”
“Understandable.”
Arno carried you all the way to your apartment, then helped you to undress to the point you were comfortable, then carried you to bed. He was way more nice than you would expect. Maybe you judged him too soon and Bellec was just an old, grumpy man who wanted Arno to be like his father? You took his hand as he sat by your bed.
“Merci (thank you). You didn't have to do that” you said, looking at him. “Especially after all these things I have told you.”
“You are not as bad as I thought. And not as bad as you think. I guess that if I can put up with Bellec, I can be friends with you as well” he shrugged. “Unless you don't want to.”
“No, I... that would be nice. You are not that bad yourself” you chuckled softly. “But for now there is nothing else you can do, so if you have something else to do, I do not keep you.”
He didn't, so you talked for a few hours. You learned about Élise, monsieur de la Serre and all the funny stories about Arno's childhood. In exchange you told him about yours, about growing up in the Assassin Brotherhood and learning all the tenants of the Creed from the very first day of your life. That day both of you learned a lot about each other and though you hadn't known that, you started to develop feelings for the man.
Therefore after some time you knew that sooner or later you would end up in Arno's bed somehow. Of course, there was always Élise, whom he loved deeply, so you would never make the first move. But when she told him that she was willing to sacrifice everything to stop Germain and she didn't need his help, well, the problem sort of solved itself. Since Arno's banishment from the Brotherhood, you were following him discreetly from time to time to make sure he was doing fine. But suddenly he disappeared and that was very unlike him. You established that he wasn't leaving Le Café Théâtre anymore, so one day you decided to pay him a visit. The first day he was so drunk that he didn't even recognize you, but when you came back the next day, he wasn't completely drunk yet. He must have worked, after all, the Café still belonged to him and it required his attention from time to time. Therefore, he was still in a pretty good state when you came, you could actually talk to him.
“How are you doing, Arno?” you asked softly, taking your hood off and closing the window behind. You approached the desk he was sitting at.
“Go away.”
“No.”
“(Y/n)” he stood up, intending to leave. You stepped closer and hugged him, snaking your arms around his chest and waist.
“You are not alone, Arno” you whispered, holding him tightly. “No matter what you think, I will never leave you on your own.”
“I don't need your pity” he hissed, trying to push you away.
“I do not pity you. I care. I genuinely care about you.”
“Let me go. I need more wine.”
“No, you have had enough. You should go to sleep” you pulled away and started to pushing him in the right direction. “Come, let me take care of you.”
“I don't want to” he protested, but obeyed when you lead him to bed. You were gentle but firm. The man sat on the bed, accidentally pulling you closer and making you lose your balance, so you ended up straddling him. Your lips were way closer than should be.
“What are you doing?” you asked quietly, sort of curious where it would lead, while knowing very well that you shouldn't let him do what you thought he intended.
“I don't know” he answered honestly. Then he put his hand on your cheek, caressing it gently. Just to kiss you shortly after. And you knew fully well he was drunk and you shouldn't do that, but you kissed him back anyway. He pulled away shortly after. “I shouldn't.”
“I know.”
“I... Élise... I can't-”
“I know. But I am here for you anyway and no one will know.”
That was enough for him to kiss you again. It was wrong in every way, he was a traitor to your Creed, he loved another girl and she was a Templar. You knew he didn't feel about you the same way you felt about him, but you couldn't stop him. You didn’t want him to stop. Your discarded coat quickly fell to the floor with your weapons. His skilled hands quickly started to undress you further and you didn't resist. You started to take off his clothes yourself and you stopped him only the moment he wanted to get rid of your pants.
“Wait” you panted, holding his hand back.
“What's wrong?” Arno asked with concern. He might have been drunk, but not enough to not realize something wasn't right. His lips and fingers kept touching your skin.
“Remember how I told you about that wound I got as a novice?” you shivered as he decided to focus on the one of your breasts.
“Sure. This is it?” he asked and you nodded. “You got hurt there?” the man asked with disbelief, touching your sex through the thick fabric of your pants and even this gentle touch made you shiver.
“Not exactly” you helped him take off the rest of your clothes and let him see the large scar blemishing the soft skin of your stomach.
“It does look awful” he admitted, looking at the scar. “How did you even get that?”
“I was just stabbed there” you pointed a spot with your two fingers. “It was a miracle that the sword didn't even touch my vital organs. It slid right between intestines and above the bladder, one wrong move and I would die. But it cut the uterus pretty badly, amputating one of the ovaries. The doctors had to cut me open even more to even sew the wound and stop the bleeding” you traced the scar with your fingertips. “It didn't heal well, so it still causes me pain and if I ever miraculously get pregnant, it will probably kill me, because the growing baby might tear the scar apart. This is why finding a Piece of Eden is my only hope” you sighed, closing your eyes to avoid looking at the scar. But you quickly opened them again, as you felt the soft kiss on the side of the old injury.
“We are going to find it and heal your wound” Arno murmured, leaving butterfly kisses on your scar. He was getting lower and lower, and when he reached his destination, you nearly screamed. Apparently he was very skilled not only in combat or free running, but also in bed. He wasn't your first partner, but he was definitely the best.
When he finished, you couldn't calm down for a while, lying in his bed completely vulnerable. You looked at him with love and trust, both very unique to your everyday self. You were never as open and honest as you were that moment. He climbed up your body and captured your lips in a gentle yet sensual kiss. You buried your fingers in his messy hair and took off the hair tie. It was something you wanted to do for a while, you were curious how he would look like with loosened hair and you had to admit, he still looked good. It was giving him a little feral vibes, but these suited him well, especially when he had those wild glimpses in his eyes and looked at you with predatory hunger.
“Do you really want this?” you asked him, caressing his cheek.
“I do. It makes me forget the pain” he answered honestly and kissed you. “And you? Do you want this?”
“Yes” you answered and kissed him back. Upon hearing such a clear consent none of you had further doubts. Arno might have been drunk, but he was clearly making sure he was gentle enough and that you are comfortable with anything he did. And you were more than happy at his actions. You spend with him the rest of the day and when the night had come, you fell asleep in each other arms.
You woke up in the morning very suddenly, alone in the bed. At first you thought that maybe Arno had left you, but then you had heard his voice.
“...and what am I supposed to do? Pretend nothing happened?”
“No, but if you forgot that Templar girl, we would be able to show you the right path” said the other, male voice.
“I do not want to forget Élise. Besides, don't you see how pathetic it looks?”
“Pathetic?”
“Taking her because Élise left me? Isn't it pathetic?”
“If you think of it this way, then sure, it is. But I bet (Y/n) would never think like that.” Suddenly you realized it was one of Arno's friends, probably the one who was always carrying his axe.
“Right. She is too good for it.”
“Now you sound like a lovesick boy.”
“Ha, ha, very funny” it was the usual, sarcastic Arno.
“Look, whatever you are going to do, you should decide quickly. (Y/n) is still bound to the Brotherhood and she leaves for a mission soon. Time is running out.”
“Go away. Your advices suck.”
“As you wish. But think of it” the man said and left. Arno closed the window and got back to the bed. He took off his pants and slipped under the blankets, snuggling with you.
“He knows nothing” he muttered into your hair, pressing your body to his. You pretended to stir and wake up, you didn't want him to know you've heard that conversation.
“Hi” you smiled, looking at him.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up” Arno smiled sheepishly.
“It's alright. I wish I could wake up like this every morning” you smiled and kissed him softly.
“Who you are and what did you do to (Y/n)?” he chuckled and kissed you back.
“I feel too good to be salty” you looked at him with happiness radiating from your face.
“Why wouldn't we stay like this forever then?” he asked and your heart skipped a beat. It was the most wonderful thing you could imagine, but at the same time it was equally problematic.
“Are you sure you would like this? I thought it was nothing serious.”
”Positive. I need to take a charge of my life.“
“But Élise...”
“I should stop thinking about Élise. She told me she does not need me, I can live without her either” he answered calmly, but you could see his emotions buzzing.
“Why the sudden change?”
“Last night was really... something. I... well, let's say I realized that life doesn't end with Élise.”
“Or maybe you like to break the rules a little too much?” you smirked.
“You are not that innocent yourself” he looked at you and smirked too.
“I never said I was.”
After some time, when you were sure Arno was asleep, you carefully got out of bed, washed up quickly and dressed up. Then you sat by Arno's desk and wrote him a letter.
My Dearest Arno,
I wish I could stay with you for longer, but my duties call. I feel terrible disappearing like that, while you still are lovely asleep, but I have no other choice. I am deeply sorry for this.
I never hoped for anything like this to happen, after all you have always seen only Élise. I do not feel surprised, she is beautiful, smart and so amazing, that I could date her myself (do not tell her that though, she should not know). What happened between us, happened anyway and I am thrilled. I have to inform you that I had dreamed about it for a very long time.
As you may know by now, I have feelings for you. These might not be as strong as yours about Élise, but I still deeply care about you. I am thrilled that I could make you feel better, even if it was for a moment. I really hope that the next time when we see each other, you will be happier than you are now.
If you need some more time, I will give you all the time. I have a lot of it, I can wait as long as you need me to.
Forever yours,
(Y/n)
You left the letter on the desk and silently left Le Café Théâtre. Then you left for your mission, hoping that it wasn't your last meeting.
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peeterparkr · 3 years
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perennial;tom holland|eleven.
chapter eleven: snapdragons & sunflowers (Vol. 1) 
↳ flower meaning: snapdragons: deception. sunflowers: unconditional love.
chapter summary: to ask for a kiss. 
pairing: tom holland x y/n
warnings: fluff, angst, comedy, all in one, mentions or allusion to sex but not smut :), you’ll see, alcohol. 
You’ll hate me. 
word count: 11.2K
SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:
masterlist & profiles  
ten (Instagram): in which they share set pictures
ten (tweets & texts:in which the groupchats are…loud
previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.
perfidy  ( series masterlist)
wanna be tagged?
So, please help me out I think tags aren’t working. So yes, hope you enjoy this :)
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Y/N was made of the people she loved or once loved. Everyone is, really, but y/n probably made sure it showed.
 Like her habit for photography had come from her very own best friend, of the way she started watching cooking videos because of her other best friend and always read the ingredients on any of the food she ate. Her clothing style had come from her very own first boyfriend who had introduced her to the magnificent world of the 80’s.
Her love for 80’s movies had come from Louis introducing her every night to a different one, a new story, a new song, and honestly it was good he showed her to it, y/n found her one true love. Louis, really, had shown y/n a lot of things, like how to lie to see him at indecent hours, and how  And how Louis taught her that love doesn’t have to last and that sometimes people aren’t what we expect.  
How she loved pancakes because that’s what her mother used to make them every Sunday, and how she’d learned from her father that sometimes sitting outside in the grass on a sunny day could bring back happiness to us. 
How her grandma had taught her how to have a perfect poker face, and how her grandfather had shown her how to peel an orange in a ‘correct way’. 
 How she had started to drink her tea with lemon and honey because James had once given her one like that and it brought nice memories. And how James had told her that it’s okay to love, even when people tell you not to, you have to fight for your love, you shall never be afraid of who you love. And James teaching her that she should love for herself, for her own, and not having to share her feelings if she didn’t want to. 
How y/n had started to watch subtitled films because Timmy had shown her some hidden gems. Or how she had learned from Tim to enjoy little moments, like the sunrise if she ever had to wake up early, or how she opened the windows to listen to the rain splattering. Tim had taught her too much about life, like enjoying wasting time. 
Y/N was made, the most, of the people she loved the most. Like how she made pasta the way James had taught her to once when their parents had gone out and James was left in charge. 
Or how when she was sad she’d watch that movie her childhood friend had introduced her to, and how they didn’t talk now. How y/n had learned that music was a way of healing because of that same friend. 
Or how to make a story sound great with Harry, and how Harry had shown her songs that probably were her favorite ones. How Harry and her knew that they didn’t like tequila because of that one time, and how they had learned that mixing cranberry, and grape juice and vodka tasted great thanks to Sam’s idea. 
The way that Emma had taught her to use certain hair products, and how Emma had taught her that sometimes we have to sing out our feelings, and scream and shout. How Emma had taught her the importance of a friendship and having someone’s shoulder to cry on. That she didn’t have to be lonely. 
How when she kissed she usually liked to place her hands behind their neck because she’d done that on her very first kiss with Tom, or how she usually ate some of the chocolate chips when she baked cookies because Tom and her used to do that. She had learned how to wrestle from a very young age and beat Tom, and she had learned how to play with his hair in a way to make him smile. She had learned the meaning of a rose, when all her life she had never understood about it, Tom had shown her how to approach a dog, and Tom had taught her how to cuff her jeans in a cool way. Or the habit she’d picked from him of undressing the beer bottle when they were talking or how he opened it with the table. How Tom had taught her how to kiss, from their very first one to the last one, different kisses each time, how he’d taught her each and every kiss is a journey, a mystery. How she’d learned how to deal with heartbreaks and to fall in love all over again. And how she had learned that he’d come back to her. But really, how a heartbreak feels when it’s real. 
That’s who y/n was. All the beautiful things of the people she loved. 
But she was also the bad ones, unfortunately, because people shape us. Y/N was also made of the ugly parts, very ugly parts. 
One that stood out the most, she’d learned from Tom, from James, from her family, was to avoid talking. 
Everybody wanted to talk, everybody except y/n. She knew she was being immature, but she’d learned that from everyone around her, not to care if you don’t have to. But she was too overwhelmed, everyone had something to say about, except her. How could she talk if she didn’t know what she wanted? 
Tom, Harry, Emma, Tim, James, Sam, Cherry, Aunt Eliza, even Josh and Clark.  
Everybody wanted to talk. She didn’t. 
She had caught on to what Tom was doing. She'd go along with it, he was the only one she wanted to talk to, honestly. 
And Emma, because she knew Emma didn’t judge her, Emma understood y/n, and Emma had been the only one who really didn’t tell her she was wrong. Even if Tim was her best friend, Ema understood that y/n’s heart belonged to Tom. 
“Clark is great, I may have fallen in love with him,” Emma had stated. 
Y/N nodded. “He’s great, I—“
“Why didn’t you know?” Emma asked. 
“I did know. But I didn’t—James was—you know how I’ve only dated three guys?” Y/n asked, she was putting on makeup, she had a date. 
“Yeah.” 
“James is exactly the opposite, he’s dated like half the gay population his age in London,” y/n scrunched her nose, as she was choosing between lipsticks.. “So I just—Never paid attention to any guy he dated because I never thought it was serious.” 
“Are you talking to him now?”
“I did today, only because of Clark,” y/n admitted, giving up on the lipsticks and instead choosing to work on her hair. “James is still angry I am in love.” 
“Not angry at that, you know that,” Emma pointed out. 
“Is it that wrong I am so in love with Tom?” Y/n left the brush on the table as she turned to look at Emma. 
“It’s completely bollocks y/n, but then again,” Emma sighed, “I wish I could be more like you and just love—I mean and I also wish Harry wasn’t so scared okay? He’s just so bloody scared, I wish he’d just say hey, Emma, d’ya fancy to go for a stroll? But no, we are both so… Gosh, I wish we were more like you and Tom, throwing everything down the drain.” 
“We are-” 
“You are, y/n,” Emma rolled her eyes. “He blows your mind and you basically want to yell it to the world, and he gets you all stupid, and you’re happy again, that’s alright, though-” 
Emma was laying down on y/n’s bed, her feet up against the wall, as she was nibbling on a popsicle. 
“Yes, I know, we have to talk,” she sighed. 
“Who says it has to be right now?” Emma had said. “Right now you barely have time to think, and I see you all happy and giggling, and besides, talking doesn’t have to be dramatic.” 
“What do you mean?” 
“It’s just… I don’t get it why James wants it to be dramatic, it’s just hey, you guys love each other, what else is there to know?” 
Y/N nodded, turning back to the lipsticks. 
“You do have to tell him you know about Cherry, though, which-” 
“Yeah, n, no, but I get it,” y/n sighed.
“Which, I love you’re ignoring, just pretending like she doesn’t exist, ” Emma laughed. “She just arrived yesterday, didn’t she?” 
“She did,” Y/N sighed. “Ugh, I don’t want to see her and she wants to talk, what does she want to talk about? We’ve never cared about each other before, met her like three times growing up because my mum and hers didn’t get along, which by the way, I’m scared James and I are headed in that same direction.” 
“You won’t,” Emma said. “James loves you too much to ever leave you.” 
“You never know,” y/n said. “Besides that’s not my point, my point is why does she want to talk? We have nothing in common!” 
“Dunno, you’re blood related and you both rode the same dick, seems like you’ve got a lot in common.” 
Y/n closed her eyes as she forced a laugh, “Emma!” 
“I’m just saying, y/n, that’s why you and I became close, we’ve both kissed the same two guys.”
“It’s different,” Y/N scoffed. “I—just don’t want to see her okay? Because I know I’ll be reminded of every single insecurity I have,” she admitted. “Because I know that the moment I see her I’ll get just so anxious, you know? She’s so pretty, and she’s so perfect and from what-” 
“From what I’ve gathered from Eliza, she’s also a mess,” Emma added. 
“That’s an issue, that’s Tom’s type, just look at me,” y/n laughed as she stared at a bright red lipstick. 
Emma scoffed. “Oh, hadn’t thought about that, Tom’s into messy girls with your genes.” 
“It’s so fucked up, though,” y/n said, as she looked up at the wall, she needed to change the flowers, they were drying out. She hadn’t changed them in a while. 
Emma shrugged, “considering how small his brain is, he probably thought it would feel the same way if he closed his eyes.” 
“As if it would,” y/n replied cockily, finally choosing a light pink, changing it up a bit, she’d always used bright red lipsticks with Tom,  “I’ve known him his whole life, and now I’ve—“she cleared her throat. “ I know exactly how to work him up.” 
Emma let out a loud and long laugh. “I can tell, Jesus, what did you do to him to have him oh, so mesmerized? Are you a sex goddess or why are those two men so bloody entranced by you?”
Y/N blushed and shook her head laughing. “You’re an idiot.” 
“How do you really feel?” Emma wondered, getting the conversation back as serious as it was supposed to be. 
“I don’t know,” Y/N admitted, she was still on some pair of pjs. “I… I’ve been talking with Tom, or…” She rolled her eyes. “He’s found a way to talk, and I think it’s worked out for both of us.” 
“Oh, what is it?” Emma sighed. 
Y/n walked over to her closet, it felt so weird to choose something to wear, Tom had warned her to be casual, something her style, something very her. 
“We use the script so we can… I guess we’re projecting it all, and well, I think he’s been understanding about it, and I think I’m starting to understand his point of view, about Tim at least.” 
“Please, I don’t need to listen to him to know why he feels that way,” Emma pointed out. 
“Really?” Y/n turned back to Emma as she was choosing between them. 
“I like the red one,” Emma suggested. “But please, y/n,” Emma scoffed. “Timmy was the one who stole his chance, Timmy was the one who got the girl when he had fucked up and everyone around Tom said it, we’ve all said it at some point, Tim is perfect for you.” 
“But—“
“and besides, Timmy was the one-” 
“The one who opened the door when Tom came to apologize,” y/n finished Emma’s sentence as she sat down hugging the red dress Emma had suggested. 
Emma frowned. “What?” 
“Guess Timmy had secrets, too,” y/n said.
Emma seemed confused. 
“He never told me about it, how Tom had come a second time, and…” She sighed. “I mean I guess I’m thankful he didn’t but I’m… I’m only wondering—“
“Oh, back when you first started dating,” Emma recalled. “He did tell me about it, and I.. was the one to advise him not to  tell you.” 
Y/N gulped. 
“Would you have run back to Tom?” Emma wondered, embarrassed. “Honestly I told him not to because—Well, I had asked Harry about it, you know? Harry had said you hated each other and that you had been avoiding Tom for a while now. That you were enemies.” 
“We were.” 
“And I mean—Back then, you really hated him.”
Y/n nodded. “Yeah, I did.” 
“So I told Tim not to tell you about it, because I thought—I didn’t know the background but I thought Tom was going to—hurt you, you know? And I guess, we all did, and we all kept that mentality even when he wasn’t trying to.”
“Yeah.” 
“Wow, I’ve never thought about that,” Emma nodded. “Even when I knew you were dating back in New York, we were just waiting for it, for Tom to—“
“Yeah, for Tom to pull a Tom,” y/n ended the sentence. “And I mean—He kind of did, but it was my fault.” 
“Tom really sabotages himself, it seems.” 
Y/N reached out to hug her frog, she was thankful James had brought it, “he does, but because he’s expected to, you know? Maybe that’s why— I haven’t brought it up because I’m not—I’m not expecting the heartbreak this time, and I know bringing up the whole Cherry thing is looking for it,” y/n explained. “I trust him this time, and he really wants to make it work out.” 
“Would you have gone back to him? Had Tim told you he had showed up?” Emma questioned. 
Y/N breathed in heavily. “Dunno,” she said. “I was so heartbroken back then, I thought— and I had promised myself back then I would never fall back for him, and… I mean, I had even thought I would never love again because that’s how dramatic it was, I really didn’t want to see him, that heartbreak is what led to all this mess, you know?” She explained. “Now Tom knows that, I think he really understands it, and he feels guilty and I mean, I was angry when Tom told me about it, because… Tim, well he didn’t know back then, he just was too sure that Tom loved me but—After learning all of this? Tim should’ve told me, because just now, learning it, I guess it changed a lot of things, not that it erased anything, but I lived all this time thinking he hadn’t… He really hadn’t cared, and it took him a lot of time, still, but he had tried to apologize again, and Tim keeping it to himself knowing that what broke me the most was that Tom had never shown up? Tim keeping it to himself is just—so selfish.” 
Emma bit her lip. “He’s still in love with you.” 
Y/N remained quiet. 
“I mean, you can’t blame him,” Emma said. “You guys were… I mean before Tom, you really seemed to be hitting it off, I thought you’d end up dating again.” 
“I did, too, at some point,” y/n admitted. “But-” 
“But you love Tom, I know,” Emma shrugged. “No but… Y/N you also, have to acknowledge it, you can’t keep playing with Tim which-before you say anything, I mean it’s also on him, he knew it, but then again, I… I believed it at some point y/n, that you were going to get back together with him because… The way you looked at him just… and it was just—” 
“I know, I know and I thought… I don’t know, okay?” y/n admitted as she sat up. “I… It’s cause I never… I had closure with Tim, alright? I gave him the ring back because I thought, I know it, I want Tom, okay? It’s Tom, yes, it’s Tom.”
“But?” 
Y/n sighed, “Timmy—alright as I said before, I had said I would never love again after the whole Rome thing,” she cleared up. “And then Tim came along and just showed me this beautiful life and taught me how to love again, and I—He became a very special part of me.” 
“Yeah, and? That doesn’t explain your flirting.” 
“I didn’t—flirt.” 
“Well you answered to his flirting,” Emma pointed out. 
“We were—“
“You guys were flirting y/n!” Emma replied quickly, slightly stressed. “You guys don’t flirt like everyone else! Your flirting style with each other was by showing each other songs and him watering your plants, y/n! You were basically having sex with each other,” Emma rolled her eyes. 
Y/N stayed quiet. 
“But I know, Tom, Tom—“
Y/n gulped. “Yeah, Tom.” 
Emma watched y/n, confused. “Why are you acting like it’s the last time?” 
“What?” 
“Like it’s your last chance with Tom.” 
“I...don’t know, because what if it is, you know? It’s… stupid, we’ve had plenty of chances and… Last time, I just… Had I known it would lead to that. I know it’s my fault, and like we’ve both blown it up so it’s—“
“Neither one of you will fuck up.” 
“I know—But Tom… We are trying and I’m happy but I feel-” 
“Y/N you are pretending, I know, you won’t be happy until you talk about it with him.” 
She sighed. “I know, and we’ve been talking and I…” She coughed. “I really want to try it out.” 
“But…?”
“Am I allowed to forgive something like that? Am I even allowed to get angry about Cherry?”
Emma sat up as well. “Y/N, had he slept with anyone else I wouldn’t be so sure but that’s your cousin, that’s fucked up and-” 
“What if he finds out about Tim?” 
Y/N grabbed the pillow that had once been under her head and proceeded to get it in her face and scream into it. 
“Wait, I’m… I’m gonna try that,” Emma laughed, doing the same. 
Both of them were screaming into the pillows, pitying their sorrows and problems. 
Timmy had walked in. 
“What the hell?” He asked. 
Emma was the only one to peak her head out of it. “It’s therapeutic.” 
Timothee had only chuckled. “I bet.” 
Y/N had stopped screaming but kept the pillow over her face. She didn’t know how she felt about Tim, there was no point in being angry at something from the past, but it did change a lot of the way she saw him, maybe he had forgotten. But Tim was never one to forget, he was observant and he was quiet, and he was all about the stories. 
“Um, y/n?” Tim said. 
Emma watched Tim, and the small object he had in his hand. She shot him a warning glare, scared of the inside. 
“Yeah?” y/n answered from her pillow which now had a nice stain of makeup on it. 
“Can I talk to you?” He asked. 
Another person wanting to talk, what was it with everybody wanting to say words and listening and whatever? Y/N thought to herself. 
Though Timmy hadn’t asked for it yet, she knew it, but he hadn’t really said it, not the whole y/n we should talk. 
She wanted to say no, but she knew that she couldn’t keep doing that. Counting the days until it finally had to blow up, and then end up with bruises, no, she didn’t have to do that. 
She finally let the pillow down, “Yeah, sure,” she said before walking out of her room. 
“Sure, leave Emma behind,” Emma pointed out. 
“I… well,” Y/N looked at Tim. 
“It’ll be quick, darling, Emma dear,” Tim assured her. 
Emma rolled her eyes. “It never is with you both.” 
Tim rolled his eyes before leading the way outside of the apartment, y/n frowned, asking him to wait up so she could put on her sneakers, still wearing her pj’s. 
“So your birthday is tomorrow,” Tim had said as they had walked out, he had sat on the stairs. 
She chuckled as she sat beside him. “Yeah.” 
“You look really pretty,” Tim had said. 
“These pj’s really accentuate my features huh,” y/n joked. 
“Your makeup looks pretty and hair, idiot,” Tim chuckled. 
She only gave him a sad smile. 
“So, what are your plans?” He asked. 
“For… tonight? I’ve got a date,” she explained.
“No, tomorrow.” 
She shrugged. “Tom’s got some plans, apparently, he hasn’t told me anything about it, honestly I don’t… I don’t want to…” 
“What?” 
“Do anything you know? I will be too tired after filming, and I… I just feel like… Dunno, James and Clark will be there and I don’t want to talk to James still, and apparently Cherry invited herself, too so… And you’ll be there, and Harry and Emma… and Josh, and I just... ” She chuckled. “I’ve got a bad feeling.” 
“Why?” 
“Dunno, seems like a perfect combination for disaster.” 
“I met Cherry today,” he admitted. “Well, we’d met before but-Yeah, I thought you’d be at the flower shop. “And she was there, instead.” 
Y/N scrunched her nose. “Yeah I know she’s there, that’s why I haven’t gone there,” she explained chuckling shyly. 
“Why?” 
“Because then I’ll start feeling insignificant, because let’s face it and don’t you dare say no, but she’s really… Pretty, like she’s everything a girl would want to be and I’m jealous of her,” she admitted, truthfully. “I’ve never been the jealous kind but with her, I feel like—Of course anyone would choose her over me, and don’t—Say anything okay? I just feel that way. And if I see her I’ll be reminded of the elephant in the room waiting to be addressed, and I… If the conversation about you went wrong I don’t want to know how that-” 
“About me?” 
“Yeah,” she looked down. “Dunno.” 
Tim bit his lip. 
“How did he-?” 
“I don’t want to talk about that, Tim,” she quickly answered. “I can’t blame him for feeling the way he feels and that’s on me, too, I mean… I… really.” 
“What?” 
She looked down. “I— well, I don’t…know alright? If I feel anxious about Cherry I can only imagine how he feels about you, no, I can’t even imagine it, and look Tim, I—you know you’re very important to me but I’m… I’m dating… Or whatever is going on now, but It’s Tom right now, alright? And I know it’ll be for a long time.” 
“I know.” 
She looked at him, confused by his statement because it really didn’t feel like he knew it.. “And I don’t… want you to think there is an open door or-” 
“Y/N, I know,” he said. “Yeah, I know it’s Tom, now.” 
“But it’s not just—“
“I know,” Tim looked away. “I know.” 
She looked down. “I’m sorry.” 
“Just….” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s him, but that doesn’t… I mean, we’ve been friends, and I—I just ask you not to push me away, alright? I don’t know how I’d live without y/n in my world, and if having you around means having you with him, then I just have to deal with it, move on you know? And I know we are friends, so this is… This comes from your friend, Timmy.” 
She smiled, just slightly, very timidly. It hurt, hurting him but of course, keeping him around meant jeopardizing her relationship with Tom, and she really didn’t want to give it more excuses. 
“Timmy,” she sighed. 
He smiled. “I’m serious, it’s alright, no… no resentment, alright? We both know we… I don’t…you know it, I’ll always love you, but we—I mean you—you love someone else and it’s be stupid of me not letting you love him, that is just pathetically selfish. And don’t get me wrong, it hurts like a bitch…. Yeah, I know it, but… I don’t want to lose you, I am not stupid… but I also… I know that if I give this to you tomorrow, Tom will lose it and I… don’t want that, so I’m giving you this, today.” 
He pulled out a film canister. And it felt like one of those times when life likes to punch you with reality. She felt a fear deep inside her stomach. Last time he’d given her one of those an engagement ring was hidden in it. 
“It’s… It’s not what you think,” Tim rolled his eyes. “Oh, you really thought I’d propose again?” 
She let out a soft chuckle. “No--I… I mean,” I’m-I didn’t think you would-” 
“Your face,” He chuckled softly. “Yeah, no, I… I’m…” 
“Yeah, just last time you gave me one of those-” 
“Yeah, and look where it led us, I’m not… I wouldn’t… No,” Timmy laughed. “No, it’s not… and—do you really think I’m the type of guy to propose on a bad time—-Actually don’t answer that,” he chuckled. “Okay, open it.” 
She grinned, and took the film canister from him. “Man I hope it’s an iPad,” she joked, warning a laugh from Tim. “No, you—you shouldn’t have.” 
She shook it just slightly, listening to no sound coming out from it, before finally opening, carefully. “A…there’s nothing?” She asked. 
“Yeah,” Tim laughed. “I know.” 
She frowned, confused but then chuckled. “I love it… I hope I… can get to wear it soon,” she joked. 
“It couldn’t fit there, but I—Well, you know, we had that tradition, ,” he said before finally giving her the box that sat beside him. 
She took the box and smiled, opening it, an old vintage Polaroid camera stood there. 
“I know you’ve—I think it works, it’s—It’s an original, I've noticed you haven't really taken any Polaroids, and I know you love them,” he coughed. “So, yeah, happy birthday.” 
Y/N had only looked up, giving him a true smile. 
“Thank you, I love it!” 
But of course, the timing could not have gone any worse. Tom had arrived. Y/N had momentarily  forgotten she had agreed to spend the night with him, nothing too serious but Tom had insisted because he had a surprise for early in the morning and he’d come pick her up for dinner and then she’d stay with him. 
Maybe she should’ve seen the trouble coming. 
Tom cleared his throat loudly, “hello,” he said, standing with sunflowers. Yellow flowers with pretty meaning, y/n thought. 
Y/n looked up, calmly, knowing that if he saw any hint of her freaking out it would blow it up because his mind would go places.
“Oh hi!” She grinned. “sorry—I’m not—“
Tom clenched his jaw at Tim, but then turned to y/n and chuckled, “Darling,  when I said casual—I didn’t—“
She chuckled nervously standing up. “Sorry, I—“she squeezed her eyes shut. “I was discussing with Tim something about some pictures he’s planning on—yeah,” she lied, as she hid the film canister and box behind her back. 
“Yeah,” Tim said, clearing his throat, standing up as well. “Hello, Thomas.” 
“Tim.” Tom was nervous already, y/n could tell. 
“Are those for me?” Y/n questioned staring at the flowers  before they could say another word to each other. 
Tom chuckled between his teeth, “yeah, they’re most certainly not for Tim.” 
“Oh,” Tim said, “and here I was getting excited about them.” 
Tom faked a very quiet laugh and then turned to y/n. “So? Don’t get me wrong, you literally look so beautiful—but—“ He smiled looking down at her clothing. 
“Yeah—right!” She excused herself, not forgetting to kiss his cheek, before running back to her room, where Emma was waiting with the red dress and had pulled out some heels for her. 
Emma  walked out of the room, “hello, Tom, long time no see,” she said with sarcasm. 
“I know, these couple hours have been long,” Tom joked back, as he had walked in. 
Tim had followed after. It felt so tense, Emma could swear she could cut the tension with a knife. 
Emma hummed a fake laugh. “There are flower vases over there, you can guess which ones are y/n’s now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna steal Tim from you just a bit, I hope you don’t miss him as much.”
Emma had dragged Tim to her own room. 
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Emma snapped. 
“A lot of things,” Tim answered. “But let’s not go there, please.” 
“Oh don’t play that with me, I know exactly what you’re doing, and Tim—“
“I’m not—“
“Don’t fucking pull the whole I’m not doing anything bullshit with me,” she rolled her eyes. “I know exactly what you’re doing, and I’m sure you gave her the Polaroid today, really? Exactly when you know she’ll go on a date with Tom? And you take her to the stairs? So he can see it right?
Tim clenched his jaw. “I—Well.” 
“Sabotaging her relationship is not the way to go, Tim,” Emma warned him. “And I—I just told you—Best thing you could try is...move on, alright? I know you love her and that she was—She seemed perfect for you, and I still think you guys worked so well together but… She is so in love with him, and by doing this you’re only hurting her more—Besides, really Tim, you know her better than this,” she pushed. “I—“ Emma sighed. “I'm telling you this because I love you, I don’t want to sound harsh but—“She closed her eyes. “I know she is confused, and making her even more confused won’t help you, let her settle it, let her have it right now.” 
Tim didn’t say anything and just walked out of the room. He had gone to his room and unfortunately had left his door open to see y/n walking out on a red dress to run over excitedly to Tom, who had pulled her close to him to kiss her cheek and smell her perfume. 
Timmy knew Emma was right, y/n was in love with him. So, very deeply in love. And it hurt, seeing her. And Timmy asked for more patience, or for more time, or strength to move on. 
It felt weird, Tim felt lonely and broken hearted, and he just missed her, and it was stupidly incredible that she lived right there in the same apartment. He knew she loved Tom, that was it but it…. It still didn’t make any sense. Honestly, it felt like they were completely strangers. 
Especially y/n, she really felt like a stranger, even to Tom it seemed. She seemed too… distant to everyone.
Tom felt it, too. He felt that y/n was just off, even if she was happy or tried to be and even if she was kissing his cheek, she was being… different. And Tom only wanted to get over with it, the awkwardness. 
And he wondered if she wanted to get over with it, too. 
They went out for dinner, not in the place where she’d imagine Tom would take her, it was a nice dinner place with lightbulbs hanging around, a flower in a glass bottle, candles around, very… cozy, and romantic, and they were talking about barely anything, and maybe for a bit it felt like they were each other again. 
Y/N knew this, she felt weird with herself, as if even when she seemed to be saying what she wanted to say, she really wasn’t saying what her heart wanted, but as if her own heart was keeping secrets. It felt like Tom didn’t know her, though. And it had never felt that way before, but it felt like they were both trying to get to know each other again. Because neither of them were being themselves, not entirely. 
“So, you were clearly not talking about pictures with Tim,” Tom had mentioned. 
y/n looked at him and nodded. “Yeah, I wasn’t….”
“So?” Tom seemed anxious about it. 
“He gave me a birthday present, a…he gave me a polaroid,” she cleared up. “A vintage, original one.” 
“Oh, that’s cool,” Tom nodded, and gulped. “As long as he doesn’t give you a ring.” 
She rolled her eyes. “Tom.” 
Tom shrugged. 
“I… told him,” she cleared her throat. “That well… it’s you.” 
“It’s me?” Tom wondered, and a smile came to his face. “What am I?” 
She rolled her eyes, chuckling softly. “An idiot, that’s what you are.” 
Tom chuckled. “Uh-huh, I am, and what else?” 
She blushed. “Nothing.” 
Tom hadn’t pushed it any further. Their conversation kept flowing. Talking about them. What made them so… them. 
“I remember that everyone was in love with this one guy, ugh, what’s his name? The one that bullied you,” Y/N tried to recall. 
“Edward,” Tom remembered. “He was so big.” 
“Well, everyone had a crush except me, because well, I was the idiot, you know?” 
“You loved that scrawny guy who-” 
“Adorable guy,” she added. 
“Scrawny guy,” he continued. “Who did ballet and everyone crushed on Edward, who-” 
“I actually was… dating Louis back then,” she recalled. “But…” She chuckled. “But my point is… I was the one who… hid a rat in his car.” 
“No way!” Tom’s eyes popped as he leaned over. “You’re kidding.” 
“I… Look, nobody could be an asshole to you unless it was me, that was-” She was nervous. “I was so angry at everything he said at you, I…” She rolled her eyes. “And I… genuinely don’t know.” 
“Where in this bloody world did you get a rat from?” He wondered. “I mean thank you but I didn’t think you’d-” 
“Please I had experience from pranks for you so of course…” She gulped, hiding a laugh. “I...Well, there was a rat in Louis' house, and well they trapped it and instead of… you know killing it I… well told Louis to break into Ed’s car and I hid the rat there.” 
Tom was shocked. “And that was because of me?” 
“No, I hated Ed,” she looked away. “He was the biggest asshole.” 
Tom grinned. “Are you sure? Because I remember that rat incident being right after he had hit me in the hall.” 
“Really?” y/n coughed. “I wouldn’t remember,” she blushed looking away. 
“Which actually brought attention to me, they said it had been me!” He recalled. “I got into detention.”
Y/N grinned. “Yeah, killed two birds in one shot,” she smirked. 
“I’m serious did you-?” 
“Yeah, maybe I did it for you, okay? Whatever, yes, I had feelings for you and I was angry someone else was taking away my job, let’s remember we were enemies back then, alright?” She was nervous. 
Tom smirked. “You had a crush on me.” 
“Shut up,” she chuckled. “You had a crush on me, too.” 
Tom shrugged, smiling. “Yeah, I did. I’m not trying to hide it.
Y/N avoided his gaze, not believing he was actually making her feel butterflies, even after all this time, she was still nervous. In a good way. She wasn’t always nervous, most of the time, she didn’t, she felt so calm around him, but on the edge, as if she didn’t need to worry about being herself but expectant of each other’s attitude. 
Tom watched her, “Why do I always feel like there’s always something on your mind?” 
“Because there is,” she laughed. “Don’t you?” 
“No, I’m dumb, remember? I can actually blank up my mind,” he smirked. “Or well, not at all. There is a constant on my mind,” he had reached for her hand. 
“Oh?” her eyes had brightened up, a timid smile on her face. 
“Yeah, Spiderman,” he joked, earning a glare from y/n. 
It was so stupid. But they were… back being them. Probably because they were alone. As if someone was brushing y/n’s dream, and she couldn’t get enough of him, his laugh was her everything. She couldn’t help but sigh and run out of breath, and never stop blushing, there was no doubt about it. And she had once thought about it, ‘the day that Tom loves me, the world will party’. She had been wrong, the world wasn’t partying, and there were no flowers blooming and no fireworks. The world instead, stopped, as if it was them and only them. The stars were probably jealous of them seeing them shining even more brightly than them. 
“You know, from the moment we met,” he had said. 
“When we were kids, you mean?” She chuckled . 
“Truly met,” Tom gulped. “Rome, I mean.” 
She blinked. “Yeah.” 
“I… Why didn’t you kiss me?” He asked. 
“Hm? When?” 
“That one night, you know the one, lovely evening, I remember I asked for a kiss,” he recalled. “And… you said and I quote: ‘No, Thomas, don’t ask for a kiss’.” 
She looked away, remembering. “Because I didn’t want you to ask for it.” 
He frowned. 
“It’s silly but that’s the way I am, I didn’t want you to ask for it, I was clearly begging for one,” she explained. “I wanted you to… do it. One should never ask for a kiss, or not… verbally.” 
“How so?”
“I mean certain contexts,” y/n said. “But that night? I thought I had hinted it enough 
“So you did want me to kiss you,” He grinned. 
“Of course!” She beamed. “I—it’s not secret by now that I—“she cleared her throat. “Well, enjoy when our lips come together.” 
“Oh, so you enjoy that?” He mocked. 
“Very much so,” she answered shyly. “And—it had been the perfect evening! It would’ve cost you nothing,” she smiled. 
“Cost me nothing,” he laughed. 
“I think you’ll find that kissing me is quite cheap,” she pointed out.
He scrunched his nose. “That’s a lie.” 
“No, no, I was the one who could lose there,” she sighed.
 “No, y/n. Because kissing you costs a lifetime.” 
She scoffed. “How so?” 
“I kissed you once when I was 13 and never stopped thinking about it,” he said. “And after that evening.” 
“Would I have been so bad?” She questioned, “if we had realized it back then.”
“Think we did,” he said, “but you didn’t kiss me either.” 
“No, but—because you had asked for it.” 
“You’re right… I should’ve, but there’s a lot of things I should’ve done...still can’t believe it, how stupid I was,” he said. 
“It didn’t click you know,” she nodded. “When you broke my heart,” she continued. “I mean, the excuses you gave me… They didn’t make any sense.” 
Tom looked down. 
“And…” She sighed. 
“Would you’ve forgiven me? If I had come earlier?” He asked. 
She stared at him. “Maybe,” she admitted. “Probably, if I’m honest… I did wait for you to come again with yellow flowers, and I’d have my hand right in my heart, and I would wait for you to come and apologize and I would see it, you know, wait for you to stand up in the rain and said you didn’t mean it, and I… I was angry, alright? It was stupid letting my life pass by waiting for it besides the whole scenario...but then again, it wa shot and it’s still you and I’m—it’s silly.” 
“It’s not silly,” Tom said. “It’s you,” he took a deep breath, “and I knew you’d like that… kind of stuff, but when I finally realized it, it was too late.” 
“But it’s not late now,” she admitted. “We’re finally on time. And I’m glad I’ve always been so stubborn when it comes to you because otherwise we wouldn’t be here.” 
The evening had continued to flow, as both of them had become quieter, in a way that they didn’t need to talk to communicate, between whispers and giggles and hand brushing, it was all they needed. 
The ticking had stopped, y/n had noticed. It’d come, she knew but… God, when she was with him, she didn’t have to worry about anything. Because it seemed that it was made for them, all her doubts disappeared because he was the answer she needed. It was them against the world. 
They hadn’t talked about Valerie and William, not that night. It was Tom and y/n,.
They hadn’t kissed. Tom had ceased the kissing when James had arrived, which y/n hated, she missed his lips so much her own were begging for them. She wouldn’t ask for it. Never ask for a kiss, not out loud. 
She was wearing his jacket back on their way, he had said: ‘I wasn’t cold but I knew you’d be so that’s why I brought it’. Her hand was on his hair as he drove, listening to music, windows down as they hummed the lyrics, and as y/n stared down at the lights the city was giving her, her hair flying. 
She was sad, though, Tom hadn’t even tried to lean over and kiss her, not even seeing a hint of him trying to do so. 
They had walked in, the guys seemed to be all too invested in a video game, all except for Clark who was rather interested in playing with James’ hair as y/n’s brother yelled at the screen. He looked up when seeing them walk in, he smiled at the sight of y/n’s shoulders being covered by Tom’s jacket. 
“Hello, you two,” Clark had greeted them. 
Tom peeked to see the screen, not letting go of y/n’s hand. 
“Hi,” y/n said, knowing she’d most likely lose Tom’s attention to the screen. 
“How did it go?” Clark asked.
“Bloody hell, Samuel!” James yelled. 
“Piss off,” Harry yelled, too. 
y/n chuckled. “It went well,” she said. 
“Well?” Tom lost focus of the screen, as he turned to her. “Well?” 
She ignored him and kept staring at Clark. “Can you believe the evening has gone by so splendidly but he still hasn’t kissed me?” 
Tom immediately blushed. 
“Good,” said James. “Kissing is gross.” 
“Is it?” Clark asked before kissing his cheek. 
James coughed. “Straight kissing is gross,” he corrected himself. 
Harry laughed. 
Sam scrunched his nose. “Why haven’t you kissed her? you usually bloody eat each other’s faces.” 
Harry scoffed. 
“Don’t you dare eat my sister’s face,” James warned. “Or anything for that matter.” 
“James,” y/n closed her eyes. 
Tom laughed. “We’re gonna…” 
“No, why don’t you guys stay? We were about to play Mario Kart” Offered James. “So why don’t you both play with all of us, you know you can sit over there with your brother and y/n can sit over here, everyone’s happy.” 
“Jamey, love, don’t be a dick,” warned Clark. 
Y/N chuckled. “Fine, I want to play,” she admitted. 
“Great, mario kart is the real deal breaker between couples.” 
Of course, they hadn’t followed James’ instruction for their sitting arrangement, y/n had sat on the couch, and Tom had sat on the floor, resting his back against her. Y/N was still bothered by the fact she hadn’t yet been kissed that night, but she soon forgot it as it felt like one of those nights when they were younger, all of them playing and yelling at each other. 
Tom had left the room without any explanation at some point, but she was too busy trying to beat her brother at rainbow road to even notice. 
Time went by, and before she knew it, the lights had gone off, and they all had turned with a smirk as Tom had walked in with a cake with candles. 
‘Happy Birthday’ they all sang as she stared at the cake, pretty cake, sunflowers again. Tom kissing her cheek. 
It felt… like years ago, the Holland’s, James, and now Clark, too, of course it was Tom holding the cake now, not Harry, and now she didn’t have a wish, usually she’d plan ahead her birthday wishes, because that’s something James had taught her to. Instead, she wished for everything to keep flowing as easy as it could with Tom. Funny, how many birthday wishes had not involved him already. 
They had sat and ate cake like old times, y/n smearing some frosting to Tom’s cheek and then kissing it off, making the boy blush and getting James to glare at her. Laughing at each other, telling old jokes as y/n was laying against Tom, his arms around her and his lips brushing against her head. 
How many years had they not wasted by being enemies. 
Eventually, they had all gone to bed knowing the next day would expect them, except for Clark and James who had stayed in the kitchen. 
Tom and y/n had stayed on the couch. 
“So, I’m gonna be honest,” Tom had said as he had sat with her, he had left yet again to get something 
She only stared into his eyes, begging her with her sight to kiss her already. She should’ve probably wished for that, instead. 
“I—this wasn’t going to be your birthday present.” 
“You didn’t need to get me anything,” she said. 
He had sat up and pulled out a small box, he seemed nervous, but excited. The box… gave her shivers. But it couldn’t be. 
Y/n only smiled watching him, resenting her head against her palm. 
“I—back when,” he gulped, “back when I was still in London debating whether or not to direct dos-a-dos,” he continued. “I—well.” 
“Yeah?” 
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you because—Well,” he grinned. “I am so stupidly in love with you.” 
She only blushed. 
“So—one day,” he gulped. “I went—Well, you know, to the mall and whatsoever, and—I saw this shop.” 
“Right.” 
“And so I bought a pair of boots for me,” he said, leaning against the couch, trying to recall. “They were very—nice, you know?” 
“Uh—huh,” she rolled her eyes. “And did you bring those boots to LA?”
“No, I didn’t,” he side eyed her, “should’ve, you would have loved them.” 
Y/n rolled her eyes giggling. “I bet.” 
“But anyway, after I bought the boots—I passed by that shop you like.” 
Y/n blinked. “Care to be more specific?” 
“The one with the vinyls, and vintage stuff,” he reminded her, but she looked down at the tiny box he was holding, it definitely wasn’t anything from that shop. 
“Oh, yeah, love that place,” she smiled. 
“Yeah, and I—went in,” he admitted. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about you, everything they had… so I—“
She just waited for him to continue. 
“I bought a fee vinyls for me, too,” he nodded seriously.
 Y/n bit her lip, holding back a laugh, “amazing, which ones did you buy?” 
“I bought a Beatles one… uh, Queen.” 
“Great choices,” she grinned. “I’m proud.” 
“And of course Rolling Stones, because I thought of you,” he said. 
Y/n scooted closer to him to gently run her hands through his hair, he couldn’t hide his smile. 
“And then—One day, I went out again,” he grinned. 
“Hm-hm?” 
He coughed, “yeah, and I walked again to that one other shop you like, the one with the clothes.” 
“With the clothes,” she laughed. 
“Yeah, you know the one,” he chuckled, avoiding her gaze. 
“And did you get in?” She asked. 
“No,” he grinned. “I went for an ice cream, you know, I was really craving one.” 
She stared at him, so mesmerized by him, even when he was being the silliest. “God, I love you,” she blurted out, without really thinking of it. That’s how it should be, realy. Nothing wrong with that. 
He finally locked his eyes with her and smiled, he took her hand in his and kissed it. “Yeah, so—“he grinned, “none of that has to do with your birthday present.” 
Y/n chuckled. “Really? I thought the birthday present would be seeing you with those boots and dancing with you to the music on those vinyls and eating ice cream.” 
“Ah, that would’ve been great huh,” he grinned staring into her eyes. 
“Would’ve loved that.”
“I actually did bring the vinyls,” he admitted. 
She kissed his temple. “Great, let’s play them—“
“Yeah, but—I haven’t finished,” he admitted. “I… Well, I've had a lot of time, you know? To reflect on—on the script, on us. But especially the script.” 
Y/n stared at the features on his face, fixating on the freckles on his nose as he kept talking. 
“So, I kept avoiding the script, even if I wanted to direct it because—Well, it was your dream, I remember and I think I’ll never forget how in Rome you told me your biggest dream was making a film of a ballerina,” he said. “I—well, and I wanted to read it, but I couldn’t because I thought—well, dunno, having something yet to read was something I still had to look forward to, you know? And so I kept listening to the vinyls because they reminded me of you, and I kept—trying to find you everywhere, alright?” He confessed. “On every single face and—The days just went by and I—eventually read it.” 
Y/n silently watched him. 
“And I fell in love with it, because—it’s you. The script is so—you, it was like reading an open book about you, and I don’t mean it in the way that it’s our story, like I genuinely—you really poured heart and soul in it, the songs you put in, the setting—and, well, it was really you, you know? I know you’ve always loved 80’s movies because they seem so ridiculous but so magical.“
Y/n chuckled nervously. “Where are you going with this?”
“I know it’s your biggest dream,” he sentenced. “And well—I’m sorry I didn’t get you a pair of boots like mine.” 
She laughed rolling her eyes. 
“And I didn’t get a vinyl.” 
“Tommy,” she nudged him. 
He only handed it to her, the small box. A very stupid and scary suspicion in her head had completely been erased as she picked the small box.
As she opened it, it revealed a necklace with a small pendant of a ballerina hanging from it. The brightest beam had appeared on y/n’s face. 
“I know you’ve—never liked the idea of someone giving you jewelry, especially bracelets or necklace because they don’t hold any meaning, but—I think—I know you’re not a dancer but, I think Valerie is your own special project, and—“Tom grinned. “I was saving it to give it to you on the premier but—“
“I love it, I...No, really this… This is perfect,” she whispered looking at it. Tom had once taught her that roses weren’t always basic. And Tom had now proven to her that this didn’t have to be either, because it was them, and it held such a special meaning to her. 
She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and he only smiled. 
“I was gonna give you a T—“
“As in Troy?” She mocked. 
“That’s exactly why I didn’t.”
She laughed. “I love it.” 
He looked deep into her eyes and she just waited for it… But he didn’t kiss her. 
“Yeah, so, let’s go to sleep,” he quickly stood up, letting her fall flat on the couch. 
“Thomas,” she hissed playfully. He had already left, and she could feel his smirk from afar, so she followed after him. 
“So, you can have my bed, I’m gonna leave to sleep on the couch because that was my agreement with James,” he explained, picking up his stuff as soon as she got to the room. 
She frowned. “No?” 
“Yes,” he replied cockily. 
“I’m not letting you leave until you bloody kiss me,” she replied. 
He paused and then turned with a proud smug smirk, “Then that gives me even more reasons not to kiss you.” 
She opened her mouth to complain, but really she was in such a state of shock that not a single word came out. 
“Goodnight love,” he grinned as he headed to the door. 
“Why are you like this?” She rolled her eyes, giggling. 
Tom took a deep breath before staring her down. 
“For the love of god, kiss me.” 
“No.” 
“Why not?” 
“One shall never ask for a kiss,” he replied smugly. 
“Are you kidding me?” She closed her eyes, not believing it. 
“No, you said it yourself,” he grinned. “Not verbally.” 
“Just shut up and come here, idiot,” she laughed before pulling him close to her, finally placing her lips on him. It felt like just the very first time, Tom and her had that magic, of making each and every kiss feel like they’ve never kissed before, so unique and so perfectly synchronized with each other. 
“Don’t you guys fucking dare to do anything,” James was just walking by with a glass of water. “People need to sleep.” 
Clark had mouthed an apology before following after. 
Y/n had pulled away and then smirked. “Want to prank him?” 
Tom had only given her a weird face. 
Y/N knew James was staying right on the next room, and that she definitely was not going to be able to do anything without him hearing, that of course, meant she could piss him off, to get back at him for being a dick. 
Y/N explained her idea to Tom, and he immediately accepted, with the sole condition to leave the door open so his life could actually be spared. 
Both Tom and y/n had settled in their places, sitting right on top of the bed, right against the headboard which was conveniently against James’ wall. 
And so they started.
Both of them repeatedly, and in perfect sync started, Tom hitting his elbows against the headboard, making sure the noise it made was perfectly identifiable as something else as y/n was jumping on the bed. 
A faint “no, no, no, no, fucking hell, no,”  had been yelled from the other room. 
Tom and y/n tried to hide in their laughter, but proceeded to make it even worse, adding dramatic moans and “oh yes!” “Y/n!” “Right there!” “Tommy!” In between. 
“NO FUCKING WAY!” Now it had been louder. 
“Jamey, love—“ 
Tom and y/n smirked and went in even louder, “yes!” “So tight!” “Harder!” “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” 
“No! No! No! No! Bloody hell y/n I’m in the bloody next room!” James yelled. “I’m gonna kill you, Thomas!” 
And then they heard the loud and quick stumping as James’ door was open as he ran to knock on y/n’s and Tom’s door, but instead, the door was wide open and he could see what actually was happening, Tom and y/n, fully clothed and not even an inch close. 
That’s when both y/n and Tom lost it, bursting into laughter. 
“YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK!” James yelled at them before joining in their laughter, red from embarrassment. 
Clark had followed right after, laughing with them. “So that—“
Y/n couldn’t stop her laughter, even tears had come down her cheek as she stared at her brother so embarrassed, watching them. 
“I can’t believe you fell for that!” Y/N had laughed. 
Clark couldn’t stop giggling either. 
“And by the way, thanks Clark,” Tom laughed, “you’re a real one.” 
“I fucking hate you all,” James rolled his eyes. 
“Now let’s go for the real one,” Tom had joked, probably with a death wish, but he quickly regretted it, “no, no, no, I’m joking! I’m joking!” 
“You bet your ass you’re joking,” James warned before laughing again, defeated, “I hate you both.” 
He had left with Clark laughing behind him, leaving y/n and Tom still laughing at their prank. 
Laughing and laughing until they ran out of breath and laughed again. 
“Shit, I love you so much,” Tom had said with one last breath after laughing. 
“I love you, too,” she had said, “that was the best fake sex I’ve had in my life.” 
“Hm, I’m pretty sure I’ve given you the best non fake one, too,” he had said cockily. 
“Non fake,” she scoffed. 
But then they’ve gone back to laughing, eventually somehow it transformed into kissing, and they had spent the night kissing, and giggling and nothing more, probably because they were aware that it was a very risky situation having James right beside and honestly, they were decent but mostly because they didn’t need more. Just the two of them laying down, and merging their lips together, becoming one with the other, was all they needed. 
The next day was rather perfect, filming had gone as smoothly as it could go, and though they kept their distance because they were professionals, y/n could tell there was something different about her and Tom. Not sure what but it felt like things could work out. A ray of hope, if one must say. 
There had been more cake, more people congratulating her for her birthday and just—Flowers. Sunflowers here and there, Along with blue hydrangeas. Pretty combination. Tom had made sure to fill up the place. She did love the sunflowers. Her mother calling her, auntie Eliza sending her pink carnations, it was—good. Especially after they told everyone about their prank, that made it even better. 
“You do have that fake sex aftermath glow,” Emma had joked. 
Perfect day, a perfect day until the sun was yawning down, she had put on her best clothes, and she was nervous. Not sure why though.
Tom had invited the cast as well. Nothing could go wrong, and it definitely wasn’t going to, right? Y/N had thought maybe it was a good day after all. 
The place had been packed and the first song playing had been Ironic by Alanis Morissette, James had been the first one to point it out, he really liked that song. And though the combination of friends seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster, y/n thought it had gone calmly. At least at the beginning. 
The club seemed to be picked out of y/n’s dreams, an 80’s and 70’s paradise playing the songs she loved to sing along to. There was a karaoke, too, in the background, separate from the dance floor. Honestly, the place was perfect. Fun. 
And y/n had ignored Cherry’s presence as long as she could, she hadn’t been rude, but of course she’d been avoiding her, because the moment she saw her, y/n did feel insecure. She had shown up with a tight dress that gave nothing to the imagination, and her hair perfectly falling down her shoulders, her whole body shimmered. She was beautiful, beyond compare, perfect. 
“Y/N!” She had greeted her. “I’m so glad I see you, I love your dress, hun, happy birthday!” 
Her high pitched tone had only made y/n even more insecure. And y/n had seen her dancing, she’d caught Josh’s attention, it had seemed. Even Asa’s and Gregg’s attention. Because of course she would, the girl was perfect. 
“Is Tim your boyfriend?” Cherry had asked y/n. 
“What?” Y/N didn’t know if she’d heard right. “No… No, he’s not.” 
“Oh, I thought he was!” 
“Happy birthday!” Someone had yelled as they popped off a bottle. 
Y/N could take care of Cherry later, who was actually picking out mostly everyone’s attention. 
“Who is she?” Josh had asked her. “If it weren’t for Emma, I’d say she’s the prettiest girl in the world.” 
There was a lot to unpack from Josh’ statement. 
“That’s my cousin,” she explained. “She’s single, so why don’t you give it a go?” Y/N had suggested, knowing perfectly that if he did, she’d take away another problem. Because she’d seen Harry anxious the moment Josh had showed up.  
Y/N didn’t know why she felt like Harry did know about Josh, she wasn’t sure but the same face Harry was giving Josh was the face Y/N gave to Cherry. 
Initially, she had seen Cherry approach Tom, she had whispered  something in his ear, and he had only gulped before walking off to one of his brothers. It made y/n anxious. 
“You know what? You should go and sing Jolene,” Emma suggested, y/n could tell that Emma probably was slightly dizzy, as she had dragged her, Clark and Auli’i to the dance floor, a...very strange combination. Y/N was just a bit bothered by this, since she wanted to be with Tom, or rather, she wanted to pull him away from where Cherry was. 
“Jolene?” Auli’i laughed. Felt rather weird for y/n hanging out with celebrities. Tom didn’t count… Not in that way, at least. 
“Yes, Jolene,” Emma said. “I’m begging you please don’t take my man!” 
“Your man?” Auli’i had asked. “As in Tom?” 
Y/N chuckled. “Uh...Well….er.” 
“Please, you’re dating, right?” She laughed. 
Y/N didn’t answer. 
“Please, it’s kind of obvious,” Auli’i explained. “You guys have tried to be subtle but we all know it.” 
Well, there goes their attempt at trying to be professional. It didn’t matter, honestly. But it did bother her knowing that Cherry was the only girl in there, but thankfully, her own brother had kept Cherry occupied, thank god.  
Y/N was also bothered by the fact Tom wasn’t by her side,  just slightly bothered. She guessed, however, that he was having fun with his brothers. She wondered where Timmy was, because all she could see was the guys, and Cherry, at the table getting their asses drunk. 
Especially Timmy. 
Emma had dragged them back to the place, y/n had  tried to get close to Tom, who had also tried to pull her close to him, but somehow she had been dragged away again. It was annoying, and the night kept going like that. She hadn’t had one single minute with Tom, and it was bothering her. Tom, too, it seemed. 
Tom was very bothered by the fact that y/n kept being pulled by her friends, not that they were doing it to specifically bother him, but it was… annoying. Also, having Cherry around, was not a perfect situation, especially because she was insisting on talking to him. What in this world was she trying to do? 
He didn’t want to deal with that, he only wanted to have fun. Besides, a club with loud music was definitely not the place to talk. Not on his… girlfriend’s? Birthday celebration. 
The night was getting blurry, to him, to everyone. Half past twelve, it was getting darker, and the drinks had come and gone, drink after drink.  Everyone seemed to be having a very good time, and he wasn’t sure but the lights on the club had probably lowered, flashes green and yellow were blinding him. The group was constantly divided, and he had had only a small chance to dance with y/n. The music was buzzing too loud, as he escaped through the crowds, trying to find y/n, and he saw her, dancing with everyone and then, Timmy had dragged her close to him, she didn’t even notice as she danced and sang along to the… 70’s, yeah 70’s song playing. Tom feared it, because it’s not difficult to know when someone wants to kiss the person you’re in love with. Tim was drunk, Tom knew this, and the look in his eyes was saying everything. And though he didn’t see that look on y/n, he feared it. 
Tom quickly had pulled her by the hand and finally wrapped his arms around her so they could dance. 
Tim had only rolled his eyes but kept dancing with Emma. 
“Hi!” y/n had cheered as soon as she saw Tom. 
“Hey!” 
“Where have you been?” She asked, leaning to his ear.  
“Here and there,” he admitted, she only giggled to lean over to kiss him. 
Everything was going too quickly, the lights and music were not helping. They had barely danced before Emma had dragged y/n. 
“I’m sorry, Tom, but it’s y/n’s and I turn to go to the karaoke!” Emma had said before getting her away. 
“You were getting too comfortable,” Tom had barked at Tim. 
“Pff,” Tim had scoffed. “You’re scared it’ll happen again?” 
“What?” Tom frowned. “I’m-- she’s with me.” 
“Yet she slept with me just before you arrived,” Tim had blurted. 
Tom had felt the music getting louder, and louder, just as Tim had left and Tom was sunk into the dancing crowd. 
He didn’t have to believe him… right? 
In the state of shock, he only tried to follow after where Emma and y/n were heading.The karaoke music was playing, Emma had chosen ‘Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man after midnight!)’ for her and y/n to sing, and they had started, happily singing as she was so unaware of what Tom was feeling right now. Not sure if it was anger, disappointment, jealousy, or all at once. 
The group had followed after them, too, as they were expectant to see the birthday girl, first receiving a very flattering shot of… Tom thought it was probably vodka as soon as she got to the stage. Emma and her sang and yelled, and the group danced and danced. Emma being such a crowd pleaser, yelling and making them cheer. 
Tom couldn't. 
Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers…
There was no sight of Tim, that was alright, he guessed. But then it… Tom’s mind went to every single time he’d seen her around Tim. It was so fucking obvious, of course they had slept together, and y/n probably still had feelings for him. 
Tom was the only one who wasn’t dancing. 
Emma had jumped off the stage to land on Josh, and then without even thinking about it, she had kissed him, right in front of Harry. 
Sam and Clark had joined y/n on the stage, everyone was just too bloody drunk, and the song seemed to be never ending. Or maybe Tom hadn’t noticed when it had changed, it sounded like another ABBA song. And it was… ‘Voulez-Vous’. Now it was Y/N, Sam and Clark. 
Tom didn’t even realize when Cherry was around him, and it probably was the alcohol working out but he danced with her. Not sure why. 
Y/N saw it, right from the stage, but luckily Clark had been kind enough to dance with her as someone else had hopped to the stage to sing with them, now that y/n was definitely not able to sing. 
And just as the song was ending, and as the next group of girls had popped on the stage,  she saw it, perfectly happening, Cherry’s lips were on Tom’s. 
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multiplefandomfics · 3 years
Text
Relations 2.0
So guys, this is kinda an alternative to Relations I posted yesterday. This time with a Rogers! Reader. I hope you enjoy.
Pairing: Bucky x reader
Warnings: angst, kidnapping, violence, trauma, nightmares, PTSD, unprotected smut, alzheimers, kinda AU
Words: 3702
"How is she today?" you asked your cousin.
"Not much changed. I'm just happy she remembers us." She answered.
"Did she tell you something new?"
"No, not really. You want to go in now?"
"Yes, I don't know but it always makes me happy to see her. No matter what state she's in." You smiled at her.
Peggy was your fathers mother and you loved her. She had taught you and Sharon how to be brave and independent women.
"Hello grandma. How are you doing today?" You sat down next to her.
"Oh, how nice of you to visit me, my dear." She smiled at you. "I slept very well. How was your day?" Peggy might have an illness which ate away at her memories but she was the most courteous person on the planet.
“Oh, you know just as always. S.H.I.E.L.D is definitely keeping me on my feet.” you smiled at her.
“Yes, yes, I can imagine.” she took your hand.
You talked a bit more and listened to stories you had heard a 1000 times before but still enjoyed seeing your grandma so happy.
Then your phone rang.
“Agent Carter? We need you at the facility immediately.”
“I’ll be right there.” you answered.
“Grandma, I’m sorry I gotta go. Duty calls. I'll come back as soon as I can, I promise.” you kissed her on the forehead before you left.
“Good that you are here. We have found something incredible way up north embedded in ice.” Agent Coulson told you and handed you a file.
When you opened it up and saw the pictures you gasped loudly and had the urge to sit down.
The photographs showed your grandfather, frozen in uniform and with the shield. You recognized him immediately.
“Y/N are you alright?” Coulson asked.
The problem was that no one knew your family history. Peggy had kept quiet about her unplanned pregnancy and the whereabouts of the father. She had gotten married while still pregnant and in those times no one questioned that the baby was way early.
“Yes, no, I mean… I don’t know. I can’t believe you found him. Now the nation can finally bury their fallen hero.” you mumbled.
“Oh, you must have misunderstood. Captain Rogers isn’t dead. He’s in recovery.” Coulson explained.
“What? How is that possible?”
“Well the ice must have preserved him and the serum in his veins kept him alive.”
Not even a second later rang Coulson’s phone. An Agent called from Times Square. Steve Rogers had woken up and figured out that something was not right so he escaped the room where he was supposed to recover.
“I need to talk to him. I think I will be able to calm him. This must be awful for him.” you begged Coulson.
“Alright, let’s go. Times Square is just around the corner.” you jumped into your car and drove speeding down the streets of New York.
When you arrived Director Fury had already kinda calmed Steve so you walked over to him.
Nick Fury was the only person in the world outside your family who knew your family's secret. So he didn’t hesitate to let you through.
“Captain Rogers? Would you care to come with me? I'd like to explain everything to you.” you smiled at him.
“Peggy? he asked, astonished. You had never seen too much resemblance between your grandma and yourself but apparently Steve saw it.
“Close. But no. MY name is Y/N Carter. I’m her granddaughter. We have a lot of catching up to do. Want to join me?” he just nodded and followed you.
You drove in silence with about 5 bulletproof dark SUVs following you at close range.
You stopped in front of a S.H.I.E.L.D office and walked inside.
When you closed the door to your office behind you and him the reality of it all finally started to seep into your bones and you started shaking.
He noticed immediately and stepped closer. Ever the gentleman of the 40’s that he was, he asked if you were okay.
“Well there is so much I want to tell you. Actually, I have since I was a child. And I never thought I’d ever get the chance to nor did I think it was my place to tell you. But…” you kept rambling.
“What are you talking about?” he looked confused.
“Okay, here we go. All or nothing.” you mumbled to yourself.
“Peggy is my grandmother, and you are my grandfather.” you finished quietly.
“Excuse me?” he thought he might have misheard you.
“Just after you supposedly died Grandma Peggy found out that she was pregnant. She always said it was a drunken night after Sergeant Barnes died? It’s a secret which almost no one outside of the family knows. I would have let Peggy tell you herself but she has alzheimers and a lot of the time she is not really there anymore.” you explained to him.
“Peggy is still alive? I need to see her.” he picked up on your story.
“But first I’d like to hug my granddaughter if that’s alright by you.” he grinned.
“Ehm, yes sure.” you outstretched your arms and he embraced you. You had never felt so safe in anyone's arms before.
Before anyone could argue with you you had taken Steve to see Peggy in her retirement facility.
“Steve? You’re alive?” she asked in disbelief when she spotted him by her bed. He grinned and bent down to kiss her on the forehead.
“Yes, my love. And I missed you so much. How is my girl today?” he asked her.
“I was never better. Y/N come here darling. Meet your grandfather sweetie.” she spoke slowly in that posh british accent of hers.
“I already have nana and he is just as amazing as you have always told me.” you said while tears were forming in your eyes.
After that conversation you left them alone for a while to talk.
The next few weeks no day passed without you spending time with Steve. Unfortunately you had no contact with your mom or dad anymore. They didn’t want anything to do with you anymore after you had decided on your S.H.I.E.L.D career path.
That had been years ago and you weren’t sad anymore but now you would have wished, for Steve's sake, that he could meet his son.
Maybe someday your dad would be ready for this.
Somehow it came as it had to. People found out about your relation to Captain America and started to bother you immensely.
Then came the point on which it couldn't get any worse.
You came home after a long day of work and just wanted to relax in a bubble bath and then go to bed. But it came differently than you thought.
The moment you opened your door and turned around to shut it an arm closed around your throat and another grabbed for your holstered gun. Your assailant was too strong for you to overpower. You lost consciousness quickly.
When you awoke you were chained to a chair, gagged too.
And then you saw him. Sitting in a corner opposite you. Long dark hair, black mask and tac gear. His left arm was made of metal and wirred when he moved it.
When he noticed you had woken up he stood and walked over to you,
He didn’t say a word and you couldn’t. Otherwise you would have given him a piece of your mind.
You didn’t expect his next move. He took the gag from your mouth and pushed a bottle of water against your lips. You drank greedily because you hadn’t noticed your parched throat before.
“What do you want from me?” you asked after he had taken the bottle away.
“Leverage.” was all he said.
“Are you working for hydra?” you asked. You had had your suspicions for a long time that the agency had been operating from the underground.
He stayed silent and then you felt your mind slip. Of course something must have been in the water.
The next time you came to you heard voices around you but couldn’t focus at first.
When you finally could concentrate you recognized voices you had suspected of being evil before. Alexander Pierce and Brock Rumlow. Idiots! you thought.
“Ah, there she is. Did the soldier take good care of you?” Pierce mocked and you spat at him which earned you a nice backhand to the face from Rumlow.
“Now that we have that out of the way, let us proceed with our plan, shall we?.”
God, how much you hated that douchebag!
They took a video from you probably as leverage. Just as their soldier had told you. What they wanted to blackmail from S.H.I.E.L.D or Steve, you didn’t know.
After they had everything from you they brought you to a room which strongly resembled the cell in an asylum. Thick padded walls you couldn’t hurt yourself on, a small field bed with a blanket and a toilet with a sink in one corner behind a milky screen.
You banged against the walls and door at first to get any kind of attention but after receiving none you decided to leave it be and save your strength.
Hours later a doctor came into the room to take a blood sample from you but you wouldn’t have that so you fought against him until they brought the soldier in to hold you down. That was the first time you saw him after he kidnapped you. And this time he wasn’t wearing a mask. His face was expressionless and his hair was longer than on the pictures you had seen at the museum but the man standing in front of you was undeniably James Barnes. Your grandfather's best friend since childhood who you had believed was dead since 1943.
“Bucky?” you asked and he gave you a confused look. At first you doubted your eyes but you were so sure it was him. “What did you do to him? He is a good man!” you yelled at the doctor who just smiled at you maliciously.
Still struggling in Bucky’s hold the doc took a sample of your blood and they left but not before Bucky threw you one last thoughtful glance.
Days ticked by and nothing happened. You saw someone bring you food twice a day but that was about all the human contact you were given.
You couldn’t stop thinking about your granddad’s best pal being enslaved and obviously brainwashed for God knows how long. It made you so sad to think about his past. What he must have endured in hydra’s grasp.
Then one night suddenly the light in your room changed and you noticed the cause being that the door had been opened. You decided that that was your only chance and snuck out of the room. You tried to find orientation points in the weird and long hallways. But you noticed every time you didn’t know where to go, a door opened somewhere.
Just for a second you contemplated if this might have been a sick trap but you still followed it because, what did you have to lose?
When you stepped through the last door you heard someone call your name.
“Y/N! Over here!” Not 10 meters away from you stood Steve in full gear.
“Steve! Thank God you found me. Did you open all these doors?”
“Doors? What? No. I haven’t even been inside yet.” he looked at you as if you had lost your mind.
“Then who paved the way for me?” you thought out loud. Until it suddenly hit you. “Bucky!” you yelled.
“What? Are you alright? Bucky has been dead for decades.” Steve informed you.
“No you don’t understand. He is here. He must have been the one to help me. We have to find him.” you turned around and ran back inside faster than Steve could grab you.
“Y/N no!” he yelled and ran after you.
Suddenly you stopped dead in your tracks and Steve almost ran you over. 5 meters in front of you stood a dark figure, not moving a muscle.
“Bucky?” you called lowly.
Steve tensed up behind you. He too had recognized his old pal.
“Buck?” He whispered, shocked.
“Come on Bucky. We have to get out of here. And thank you for helping me.” you smiled and stretched your arm out.
He took the invitation and slowly walked towards you. Together you got out of the building and headed toward the pickup spot where the jet waited.
Bucky had still not said a word. While Steve flew the plane you sat down next to Bucky who seemed lost in thought. He didn’t notice you sliding into the seat next to him until you laid your hand on his thigh. “Buck? How do you feel?”
“Confused. I can’t believe that I am not under their control anymore.” he said.
“You are safe now. I promise we will take care of you. S.H.I.E.L.D will help you get back on your feet. You are a hero.”
“No, not S.H.I.E.L.D. They have been infiltrated by hydra. You saw Pierce and Rumlow. We can’t trust anyone.” he yelled, almost panicked.
“You are right. Steve, where are we headed?” you called out to your pilot for the moment.
“I was about to get us to Washington D.C.. S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. But now that I heard what you said I think it might be best to find a different place. So Y/N where to? Do you have a plan b?”
“In fact I do. Keep going, I'll send the coordinates right to you.” you ordered.
3 hours later you landed at a farm.
“Clint. It’s good to see you.” you said and wrapped the archer in a tight hug.
“How is the family?” you tried to make conversation.
“Good as always. So what’s the deal with this?” he asked back.
“Well, you know Captain Rogers and this is Sergeant James Barnes. It’s a long story but we need a place to lay low for a while that S.H.I.E.L.D doesn’t know about.”
“Ah, so you thought of me. Naturally. Alright, come on in, dinner should be ready soon and Laura always makes too much.”
Dinner had been great and now you were sitting on the porch with a glass of wine just relaxing and telling Clint everything. You trusted him with all your heart. Him, Natasha Romanoff and Nick Fury.
“So S.H.I.E.L.D is hydra now?” he asked, confused.
“Well yes but it seems hydra was always sleeping just under the surface waiting for the right moment to strike.” you clarified.
“So what do you intend to do next?” he asked again.
“Well, I have already sent an encrypted message to Nick Fury. He will know how to proceed from her on. Then we need to grab hydra by the roots and pull them out. If that doesn’t work we need all the help we can get to take down everything. S.H.I.E.L.D, hydra, all of it.” you described.
“Buck, what can you tell us about their plan?”
Bucky took a deep breath and started to recite everything that he knew or had gathered. Good thing that no one had actually thought to mind their words around him because they always thought he couldn’t do anything with that knowledge anyways.
“So they want to erase millions of people who do not follow their ideology? And they want to use helicarriers with active weapon systems?” you summarized Bucky’s information. “We have to stop this! But we need a solid plan. I suggest we wait for a message from Fury. He might know what to do.” you proposed.
“I agree. If we run in there unprepared people might die.” Steve approved.
So you had not much more to do than wait.
That evening you tried to fall asleep in the guest bedroom but that was almost impossible. You had listened to Steve leaving the house to go for a run about 30 minutes before. So he couldn’t sleep either.
Then, just before sleep invaded your mind you heard noises which sounded like whimpering so you got up quickly and walked downstairs, gun raised.
You found out fast that the noise came from a restlessly sleeping Bucky on the much too small couch.
Worried that he might be distressed and would fall back into his old habits you sat down next to the couch stroking hair out of his face. “Bucky? You’re okay. You’re safe now.” you whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at you.
You didn’t expect him to lean in close and brush his lips to yours.
He pulled back abruptly when he noticed you being completely taken by surprise. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” he sat up and buried his face in his hands.
“No, it’s okay Bucky. I understand you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it, I just wasn’t expecting that.” he looked up hesitantly.
“In fact I wouldn’t mind you doing it again.” you smiled at him mischievously.
Without saying another word he pulled you in again. You climbed into his lap all while never breaking the kiss. Until you had to come up for air.
“Wow, you really know how to do that.” you stated.
“Did you want to go further?” you asked him carefully.
“I wouldn’t mind. I just wanna feel something nice again.” he confessed before pulling you in for a kiss again.
You made out like that for a while, grinding on each other like some horny teenagers. Until his hand slipped into your panties stroking your mound and you started mewling like a kitten in heat.
Your hands fumbled clumsily with his boxers and he helped you push them down enough for his cock to spring free.
Pulling your panties to the side you sunk down on him. This time the sex was not about sensuality it was supposed to be quick comfort. The emotional crap could come later.
You rose onto your knees and dropped back onto his generous length.
“Fuck!” you breathed out. Burying your head in his shoulder so you wouldn’t wake anyone still sleeping.
You were so deeply immersed in your lovemaking you didn’t hear the door open.
“Really? On the couch? Seriously?” you almost jumped off of Bucky at the sound of your grandfather’s hushed voice.
“I’m sorry Steve.” Bucky whispered. And you could tell he was more than close so you kept rocking back and forth on his lap. Steve, noticing that you wouldn’t stop, just turned around and went upstairs with the words “I’ll sleep in your bed then.”
Once he was gone you were finally able to lose yourself in Bucky again.
It didn’t take long for him to reach his high and the moment you felt him shoot his load inside you you couldn’t hold on anymore and the knot burst.
You dropped onto the seat next to Bucky, catching your breath.
“Thank you for that.” he leaned his head back and tucked himself back into his pants.
“No need to thank me. I really like you Buck and I hope that this won’t be a one time thing.” you smiled at him hopefully.
“So do I, but I don’t know if I am good enough for you. I’ve done so much evil in my life. You deserve so much better.” Suddenly he looked so sad again.
“Hey. Look at me Bucky!” you ordered him, grabbing for his face. “What happened to you is not your fault. You were trapped in your own body and you deserve the world. Never think any less of yourself because of your past! You are the reason I am free now. You have saved Steve’s ass more than he probably knows. We love you Bucky and I mean that. You know that my grandma did not only talk a lot about Steve but about you too? You left such an impression on her that even now in her alzheimer ridden mind she still sometimes talks about you. What a gentleman you always were. Handsome, sweet and clever. And I could not dream of someone better than you.” You kissed him deeply with all the emotion you could muster and hoped he would understand.
“Are you sure?” his insecurities were killing you. Peggy had always mentioned the ladies man that he had been but that lay 70 years behind and it broke your heart to see him like this.
“100% sure darling. Now let’s try to catch at least a few more hours of sleep until sunrise.” another kiss later and you had cuddled together on the still too small couch. This time you fell asleep quickly and felt safe by his side.
Two days later Fury had gotten you a plan. Maria Hill would meet you in a sewer system at the edge of D.C. She handed you three computer chips to override the helicarriers weapon systems manually.
The people from hydra, working inside S.H.I.E.L.D did not expect this attack just when project inside was about to launch.
So when the helicarriers had come crashing down on D.C. and every single hydra agent had been taken in custody was it finally time to calm down and get everything in order.
Facing the facts Bucky still needed therapy and someone to look over his conditioning and the damage hydra had done to him. But you were sure to find someone with a solution somewhere. Until then you tried to get used to having a 100 something year old grandfather and his just as old best friend for a boyfriend.
You didn’t know where you were headed but you liked the thought of finding out.
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nerdybookworm25 · 4 years
Text
Rambling about Katara and Zutara
Ok so I’m going to kind of just put my two cents out there on this stuff. I joined the ATLA fandom this past summer and just started watching TLOK (my brother and I just finished Book 2 yesterday). This is a hot debate and I just want to ramble on about my opinions on this stuff. A lot of this will focus on Katara’s perspective because I can understand her better than Zuko or Aang due to personal experience. Im just... gonna... get into it now...
I’ll give you some background on me so you guys can understand where I’m coming from. I’m a 15 year old girl with abandonment issues caused by multiple deaths of close friends and family at a young age (my uncle when I was 4, a grandmother like figure when I was 7, my dad’s mum when I was 9 or 10, my great grandma when I was 11, a close friend of my dad’s when I was 13 and many others). I also am the Mum Friend (my friends literally call me “Mum”). I’m the caregiver of the group- the glue, the harmonizer, the therapist, the teacher, the good advice giver etc. (This stuff actually hot me in trouble as a kid and it kind of messed me up). My friends who have seen Avatar have compared me to Katara on multiple occasions and say I’ve got the temperament of a waterbender. You can kind of see where I’d relate, you know?
I do ship Zutara. My brother turned to me during the Book 1: Water- Episode 9~ The Waterbending Scroll and asked, “What if Zuko becomes a good guy and ends up with Katara?” From then on I was on the Zutara hill and I’ll probably die there. It limited ships that I loved from childhood and I thought it would hav been really cool- it would have fit the themes of the show, it would have been a cool thing to see grow and blossom, etc. It had nothing to do with Katara and Zuko being attractive at all- not in the slightest. It also wasn’t me projecting onto Katara. I didn’t really care to notice any major similarities between us until Book Three: Fire- Episode 7~ The Runaway. It was this exchange that changed Katara from my favorite character to someone I could heavily relate to.
Toph: [Sarcasically.] Oh really, Mom? Or what are you gonna do? Send me to my room?
Katara: I wish I could!
Toph: well you can’t! Because you’re not my mom, and you’re not their mom! [Extends her arm at Aang and Sokka, who are sitting on a ledge.]
Katara: I never said I was!
Toph: No, but you act like it! You think it’s your job to boss everyone around, but it’s not! You’re just a regular kid like the rest of us! Stop acting like you can tell me what to do! I can do whatever I want!
I remember bursting out laughing when I heard this. My brother asked me what was up and I paused it and explained that that was a lecture I revived so regularly when I was younger. It really really ended up messing me up. It’s not like I tried to mother anyone- it just happened. I wasn’t controlling it. I didn’t notice I was doing it and I got in trouble. Now things are different and I’ve embraced the fact that I am the designated Mum Freind. Still working on getting over being told off about it in therapy though. Anyway, I think you now can understand where I’m coming from with this “analysis.” Now I’m going to get into it (for real this time lol).
I think I’m going to start with the caregiver stuff. Katara’s mother died when she was very young. It was a very traumatic death. We can infer that Katara blamed herself for this death because the Southern Raiders were looking for the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe- her. That’s a lot for an 8 year old to try to process. Here’s the kicker: I don’t think she ever fully processed it until after Book 3: Fire- Episode 16~ The Southern Raiders. She almost immediately helped her grandmother take up the roll as the woman of the house. She probably didn’t feel like she had anyone to talk to about what she was feeling however true or false that’s what she most likely perceived this to be. When Hakoda leaves for war with all of the men of the tribe, Kanna might be the matriarch and help raise Sokka and Katara but even Sokka admits that Katara became a pseudo-mother for him. Taking care of others doesn’t leave a lot of time to deal with your own issues. Sometimes it feels easier to help others face their demons than face your own.
We continue to see Katara become the glue of the Gaang as the series progresses. She keeps them together in the Si Wong desert after Aang leaves her, Sokka, Toph, and Momo. She’s always the one cooking, cleaning, and mending not because she wants to, but because she knows no one else will do it and it needs to be done. We see her try to coax Toph into helping out around camp when she firsts joins the Gaang. It doesn’t work and this conflict continues for most of Book 2 and the beginning of Book 3. All of this time, she’s making it a point to take care of everyone. When the adults show up after the Boiling Rock, she’s still the one making the dinner and probably does a lot of the other chores as well (except for tea making- this will come into play later).
There’s a running joke about Katara being “Momtara” within the ATLA fandom (more the Zutaraians in the fandom than anything else but it’s a pretty well known concept). We continue to see this when the Gaang is on Ember Island. She brings them all drink during training sessions, watches said training sessions in case someone gets hurt and they need her, wrangles Sokka to the best of her ability, and just generally looks out for everyone regardless of age gap. It’s her natural instinct to be motherly. She retains this quality even after she finds Yon Rha. (Getting closure on her mother’s death doesn’t mean losing what had become a major personality trait).
Let’s unpack that now, shall we? Kya dies and Katara thinks it’s her fault. She doesn’t really talk to anyone about it. A few years later, Hakoda leaves to fight in the war. The Southern Water Tribe recives no letters or news about what happened to their warriors at all. Katara felt like she lost another parent. She nearly says as much during Book 3: Fire- Episode 1~ The Awakening.
Hakoda: You’re taking about me too, aren’t you?
Katara: How could you leave us, Dad? [She attempts to wipe away the tears.] I mean, I know we had Gran-Gran, and she loved us, but we were just so lost without you.
Hakoda moves to comfort her as she turns away.
Hakoda: I’m so sorry, Katara.
Katara: [Embraces Hakoda.] I understand why you left. I really do, and I know that you had to go, so why do I still feel this way? I’m so sad and angry and hurt!
The thing that sets off this exchange is Aang running away for the third time since Katara has known him (the fourth time in Aang’s lifetime). The other times he ran were when confronted by the rude fisherman in Book 1: Water- Episode 12~ The Storm, then again during Book 2: Earth- Episode 11~ The Desert. Aang has a, for lack of a better word, chronic running away problem. I’m not mad at him for it. It makes him an interesting character and shows that he too has flaws (even if they aren’t always addressed but that’s an issue with Bryke). When Aang flys away after waking up during 3.1, Katara is distraught.
Katara: He left.
Hakoda: What?
Katara: Aang. He just took his glider and disappeared. He has this ridiculous notion that he has to save the world alone, that it’s all his responsibility.
Hakoda: Maybe that’s his way of being brave.
Katara: Its not brave, it’s selfish and stupid! We could be helping him and I know the world needs him, but doesn’t he know how much we need him, too? How can he just leave us behind?
Katara feels abandoned by Aang. This is completely understandable. She has every right to be angry at him and feel sad that he flew away. He comes back every time but I feel like if I were in her position, as much as I’d hope my friend would come back and I’d tell everyone that I knew he would, I’d still be afraid that there was an off chance that he doesn’t. This is a natural human reaction to this situation. People were seemingly constantly fading in and out of Katara’s life and that just wasn’t good for her mental health. It couldn’t have been. This also raises the question of if someone has a very serious fear of abandonment, would it be healthy to be in a romantic relationship with someone who consistently leaves? Personally I don’t think so. Be friends? Sure. Date? I don’t know. It doesn’t quite sit right with me.
Katara probably feels abandoned by Zuko too. During the Book 2 Finale: Crossroads of Destiny, Katara and Zuko bond in the crystal catacombs under Ba Sing Se. They relate over their shared fear of being abandoned by those they love (yes I think Zuko has abandonment issues too- among other issues/fears). When he turns his back on her, she doesn’t live him (obviously). She has cared about him enough up to that point to offer to use what is arguably her most powerful possession to heal his scar. She cares. Because she cares about him then, she is downright livid when he betrays her. (Of course the difference between Zuko and Aang with this is Zuko leaves once and comes back and he doesn’t leave again. Aang leaves and comes back over and over and over again).
Katara: I thought you had changed!
Zuko: I have changed!
Katara carries the weight of his betrayal on her mind until she and Zuko go on their life changing field trip to confront the man who killed Katara’s mother. This was her time to finally get closure. She had probably had these feelings bottled up for 6 years and didn’t act on them. When she finally had the chance, her best friend and brother tried to stop her. She lashed out.
Katara: We’re going to find the man who took my mother from me.
Sokka pauses and stands up, surprised.
Zuko: Sokka told me the story of what happened. I know who did it and I know how to find him.
Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?
Katara: [Shakes her head in dismay.] Ugh, I knew you wouldn’t understand. [Begins to walk away.]
Aang: Wait! Stop! I do understand. You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?
Zuko: She needs this, Aang. This is about getting closure and justice.
Aang: I don’t think so. I think this is about getting revenge.
Katara: [Angrily.] Fine, maybe it is! Maybe it’s what he deserves!
Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.
Katara: Its not the same! Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he’s a monster.
Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.
Katara: Then you didn’t love her the way I did!
Sokka: [Hurt.] Katara!
Katara gets a lot of flack for this interaction. She says Sokka didn’t love their mother like she did and Sokka I’d understandably hurt. It doesn’t excuse what she said, but people do lash out when they are feeling a lot of emotions and they get defensive when they feel like they’re being ganged up on or attacked (I myself am guilty of this sort of thing). What Katara said was wrong but I have no doubt in my mind that she didn’t apologize to Sokka when he and the rest of the Gaang arrive on Ember Island later in the episode. She is seen walking over to him after she hugs Zuko.
Zuko and Katara go after Yon Rha anyway. For once in her life, Katara is feeling emotions and no one is trying to get her to stop or to push them aside. She doesn’t have to be constantly taking care of someone so she can focus on herself. Katara trusts Zuko more than I think she realizes. I mean she trusts him with a lot and he follows through on a lot of unspoken/subconscious agreements and promises.
Zuko is looking out for her. Zuko has her back. Zuko is allowing her to feel all of these emotions and work them out of her own accord. Zuko isn’t telling her to feel one way or another. Zuko isn’t going to judge her for whatever she decides to do when they find Yon Rha or what she does in order for them to get to that point. Zuko ensures she gets the closure she feels she needs.
When he sees her bloodbend, he’s surprised, but he isn’t appalled. When he thinks she’s going to run Yon Rha through with a giant shard of ice, he doesn’t try to stop her. He lets her be her. He sees a dark side of her in a way that no one else in the Gaang has seen. It’s strangely intimate. Clearly it has enough of an impact to make her forgive him. She knows he isn’t going to abandon betray her and her friend again.
Once they become friends, and even before that, Zuko starts to help out with small things here and there. We see him making tea for all of the kids at dinner. He tells jokes to make them laugh. He teaches Aang firebending. He goes with Sokka to the Boiling Rock to make sure he doesn’t get himself killed or in a prison cell for the rest of his life. With all of this, “Dadko” is born.
If you strip away Zuko’s anger, he just becomes the awkward-turtleduck-first-time-father that we all know and love. There’s more balance in the Gaang with him there to help and become an “authority” figure with Katara. They become the parents of the other members of the Gaang. It’s an interesting shift in their relationship- enemies to unsteady acquaintances to enemies to frenemies to friends. They’re close enough that they show small signs of physical intimacy and they tease each other.
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Also if you look close enough when the Gaang walks into the “seedy Earth Kingdom tavern,” Zuko and Katara appear to be holding hands and are near each other from then until the finale episodes. They are clearly just great friends by the end of the show. I mean Zuko also takes a bolt of lightning to the chest for her...
Zuko doesn’t leave when his life gets difficult- not after he joins the Gaang. He made that mistake once and he won’t make it again. Aang was always part of the Gaang but continued to leave (again, I’m not mad at him for it but he never seems to realize the effect it has on the people around him- especially Katara). Zuko also doesn’t all but forget Katara and continue to run around the world. When Zuko fully decides to stick around, you best believe he is sticking around.
This works really well for Zutara. They’re both each other’s rock. They support each other and help each other in times of trouble. Do they argue? Yes. Is that a normal part of a healthy relationship- romantic or otherwise? Yes. Do they take care of and look out for each other while also not smothering or suffocating each other? Yes. I don’t know about you but this sounds stable and healthy to me. They balance each other out so well (I’m not going to get too into that because if you’re reading this you probably already know with the whole Tui and La, Yin and Yang, Oma and Shu thing).
Now, this is a big deal for me and it makes me furious, but Katara is forgotten by history. She has no statue. She is reduced to a housewife and healer- things our wonderful water feminist was afraid of becoming as an adult. I mean this girl
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This girl
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THIS GIRL
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She becomes nothing but a housewife stuck in a healing hut who gets forgotten by the world and left behind by her family just... let’s all of that happen? Yeah that’s pretty unrealistic. I think about this frequently and with starting TLOK I have formed even more opinions and have a little thingy (I don’t know what to call it) for what happened to her.
Kya II is everything Teenage Katara wanted to do and be before settling down. Old Katara is everything Teenage Katara was so afraid of become reduced to/becoming.
It’s an interesting way to think about it and I thought I’d share. Now if Katara was Fire Lady, she wouldn’t end up like that. She’d have the power to change the world and continue to fight for what she believed in. She could have helped with the trail with Yakone. Katara has so much potential to not be forgotten or brushed aside and somehow it happened. It makes me so sad. The potential Zutara had to make sure Katara had a genuine legacy was right there at their finger tips and they didn’t use it. What a shame. What a shame.
With all of the things I’ve talked about, I just feel like Zutara would have been better for Katara than Kataang was. I think that’s more Bryke not developing the relationship well enough and instead choosing to be sloppy and selfish in the way they structured the relationship. Yeah this is my rambling on about the issue. Hope it was mildly entertaining! If you want me to write something about how Zuko would have benefited from Zutara, let me know!
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nissakii · 3 years
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5 sad truths that made Horimiya so relatable [spoilers!]
Horimiya has ended but not the feelings that the winter season left behind for us.
As Horimiya has been a topic lately on our blog with Nissa’s quote analysis and one of my latest breakfast anime reviews, this time we are going to look how the anime actually impacted us.
The anime which did really well and gave us a refreshing and out of the ordinary romance story compared to other series, had a lot more to give than simple romantic relationships and wholesome moments.
Why is Horimiya so relatable?
Why does it differ from other anime in this aspect especially considering relationships and romance?
In today’s blogpost we will cover those questions, with 5 sad truths that made Horimiya so relatable.
Please be aware that this post will contain spoiler, read at your own risk.
1. Hiding a part of yourself
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With the first sad truth we shall start and it’s something we also see in the very beginning of the anime, actually it is the whole start of the plot and how it unfolds.
As we see, especially our two main characters have a drastic change in behaviour, in Miyamura’s case even appearance, when they are both alone. None of them want other people to know about their other side.
We see why they do not want that secret to be exposed, with each character having a justified reason.
And not only Hori or Miyamura, also Yoshikawa, Ishikawa, Remi, Sengoku and most other characters in the series are hiding a part of themselves which makes you wonder what would they think if they ever saw this side of me?
In Yoshikawa’s case when she was obviously jealous as Kono made her romantic approach on Ishikawa, realizing most of the things she wants but does not speak out loud are not in her grasp and if she decides that she wants something it is already gone. Not her jealous feelings seem like a different side, since every human has those feelings which are normal if treated in a proper way but also the way Yoshikawa acted out those feelings as she herself mentioned that she was disgusted by herself doing things behind the scenes to avoid that Kono would come closer to Ishikawa, a side that only she knows since she hides those feelings deep inside of her. Nobody would have known that she hid the fact that she wasn’t actually dating Ishikawa or that she purposely said mean things in that sense, since the Yoshikawa everyone knows is energetic and happy-go-lucky.
But it’s not limited to Yoshikawa, beside the main characters we also have Sengoku who is also hiding his cowardly self, scared of most things and not as amazing as he seems to be. A side that only Remi knows and secretly loves about him as she mentioned that he started to change toward the end of the anime but that she loves both the new and old Sengoku, yet he tries to be much more manlier and strong for Remi without Remi asking for it.
The latter also hides many things she could have said to Sengoku, many of her feelings and the way she acts when alone or around Sengoku and Kono, who knew her for a long time now look past her cute and happy act, Remi is a very smart and observant person who is not unaware of the things happening around her it is quite the opposite in fact.
All of those characters have a side they do not want to expose, as it is human nature that we adapt to the environment around us and put on the facade or personality we need to distinguish between work, school, friends, family and more.
The sad reality is that sometimes we even lie to those around us, those who are close and maybe like Remi or Yoshikawa just cannot express the true feelings that we are desperately hiding inside of us waiting for somebody to notice, that is hiding a little part of yourself that nobody shall ever see.
2. The past that haunts
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It is nothing new to hear that we should leave the past behind us and just focus on the future ahead, or use the past to learn from it and correct our mistakes to step into a new light.
But that is easier said than done and that very example is represented in two characters especially: Miyamura and Tanihara.
Apart from their connection and the past they
overcame becoming closer, leaving their dispute behind there is still a conflict that each of them are fighting on their own respectively.
Miyamura, whose present self is no longer the same as he was in middle-school, learned how to interact with those around him, considering people as friends and even getting himself a girlfriend who he cherishes dearly as she does the same in return. Still there is never an episode where he doesn’t think back of the past or get anxious about it, even in the opening we see the correlation of Miyamura’s past haunting him until his graduation day of highschool, obstructing him to be truly happy despite the fact he overcame the difficulties and made friends with Tanihara who was one of his problems in middle-school as well.
Nissa wrote a whole analysis on that, if you are interested check it out, I won’t go much deeper into that topic here.
We also have Tanihara who seemed to hate Miyamura, but we also see that he is not just living his life as if nothing happened but still let’s the past replay in his head. He used to bully Miyamura and tried to continue that when he saw him in highschool as he was walking with Hori but due to some events both of them became more involved and started to hang out as friends after talking it out. Tanihara still used to dream about the incident that happened in middle-school and was even frustrated why he was actually bullying Miyamura in the first place as he simply didn’t like him for no apparent reason. He is aware that the things he did to Miyamura were in no way justified and doesn’t know where to start to redeem himself, or how he should apologize to him causing him to have nightmares and being scared to encounter Miyamura in some cases (also due to seeing Hori being a threat he considers both of them dangerous).
In our lives we cannot always do things right, leading us to mistakes towards ourselves but also towards others. Sometimes other people can forgive what we cannot forgive ourselves, as the past is nothing that can be overcome overnight. We struggle with ourselves to become a better person in the future.
But simply letting the past go even when we are now at a better place, Miyamura and Tanihara show us, it’s not that easy to just pretend the past never happened.
3. To be liked is a matter of heart
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Another thing that we often experience in our lives is that no matter how good or nice we are, people simply cannot fall in love with us, or like us in a way or another.
Winning someone’s heart can take some time, but in some cases no matter how hard we try it just doesn’t spark or click.
“A matter of heart”, as we can say since some things cannot be solved by logic or forcing kindness on a person.
In Horimiya again this parallel is represented by Kono Sakura, who has a crush on Ishikawa after an encounter.
Kono being a quiet, cute, reserved and responsible person who cares dearly about the people around her is in no way not appealing, on the contrary even Sengoku mentioned that the ones who rejected her was simply dumb/blind to not see the good qualities in her.
But Ishikawa as well who used to like Hori for a very long time was rejected by her not because he was someone bad, but since she was simply not interested in him romantically while as friends she also cherishes him dearly.
As Kono started her pursuit of giving Ishikawa sweets and becoming more bold when it came to her indicating her feelings for him, at the same time Yoshikawa and Ishikawa started to become more aware of their own feelings for each other.
With Kono still being adamant to confess her feelings, being true to herself and make it clear that she likes Ishikawa, Ishikawa himself mentions that she is a nice girl, she is good in baking and more compared to Yoshikawa, but the one he is interested in in the end is Yoshikawa.
Sometimes we cannot help who we love and like, and sometimes even when we dislike someone but cannot grasp why despite trying our best to like them it’s still a matter of heart and feeling who we like.
No matter if one person seems like the better choice in other people’s eyes.
4. Loneliness is a hidden pain
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Loneliness is a big topic in Horimiya, even visually we see that feeling being represented with colors and auditory with a representative sound.
A feeling so familiar yet strange, a feeling that every human experienced at least once in their life.
But despite loneliness that can be detected in some cases most of the time people struggle with it deep inside nobody aware of the hidden pain tugging inside.
We get to see a variation of loneliness that the characters carry with them.
Hori being the oldest sibling and with her parents always away due to work, grew up becoming rather independent and relying on herself. When she fell ill for the first time we get to see her vulnerable side as she was struggling with that deep-rooted loneliness since her childhood, when her parents didn’t even give her the special time back then so for her it was common to be alone until Miyamura was there for her and suddenly the loneliness that she subconsciously tried to push away gushed out of her.
With Miyamura we have someone who was lonely from the very start, not in a sense like Hori was since she still had friends who surrounded her but Miyamura didn’t have anyone around. The feeling of loneliness was so familiar to him that he never considered what it would feel like to have many people around before meeting Hori, as Shindou was his only friend in middle-school and they aren’t able to meet that frequently since they attend different highschools. Miyamura struggled with constant loneliness and even deceived himself that it wouldn’t bother him anymore if he was alone or not but in the end all along deep inside he knew that it was.
Additionally we have Kono who hangs out a lot with Remi and Sengoku due to the student council yet feels like she is always left out in a sense, may it be due to them being a couple or just generally when they ask her for advice as she feels like that’s the only thing she is good for.
Speaking of the student council, the former problem with Remi hiding her true feelings, we can see that there is a sense of loneliness as well, as she sees Sengoku slowly changing despite her liking him the way he was even with his little flaws. When she narrates the way they met and that she was fond of him, she doesn’t seem to give off the feeling of a sweet everlasting romance that started from that point, but rather talking nostalgically and with a hint of missing the old Sengoku she fell in love with.
Last but not least we have Honoka who appears to hate Miyamura in the beginning but we get to see that he reminds her of her deceased brother. Coping with the death of her brother who used to get along with her very well, the strong underclassman of Hori and Miyamura is fighting with the loneliness of having lost someone very dear to her as she sees Miyamura every day resembling that very person.
Loneliness cannot be simply defined and is a complex feeling as we can see in those characters that we have a variety of that feeling and most of them represent someone out there who may have experienced the same, making us think which of this loneliness is my own?
5. Communication is hard
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With the last and obvious sad truth we see that one of the things we probably do often in our daily lives but still struggle with it the most is communication.
Each human is individual and different, we may share similarities some more than others but in the end we communicate with each. May it be through words, gestures, letters, chats and so on we are always connected in a way.
Still it always happens that no matter how hard we try, there are misunderstandings and we often conclude after a dispute or later on when we re-analyse the problem, there was a lack in communication or miscommunication.
In Horimiya especially in the beginning where Miyamura and Hori start to see each other more often we see from a viewer standpoint that both of them enjoy each other’s presence yet each of them thinks about the possible concerns and outcomes of problems that could occur.
In some cases there are incidents that could have been solved if someone would have just started explaining or maybe the other one trying to resolve the matter by speaking up, but just like in real life we humans tend to make assumptions about what the other person probably could think instead of asking them directly in most cases, or we are afraid to know.
Hori for example thinks it is obvious that she likes to be around Miyamura while Miyamura thinks she is probably pitying him and at some point they won’t meet anymore. That again results in Hori thinking that Miyamura may see her as pushy and therefore she doesn’t want to force him to do things with her in the beginning and Miyamura thinks again she is getting tired of him.
If neither of them would have spoken up this would have continued despite that both of them shared the same thought of wanting to stay with the other person.
We also get to see that with Yoshikawa and Ishikawa.
Even with Yanagi when he confessed to Yoshikawa, if it wasn’t for him clearing the misunderstandings that he caused most of the characters would have had the wrong impression of him and Yoshikawa would have thought he wasn’t serious about the confession he made in the beginning.
Same goes for Remi who tends to say things in a round-about-way, which mostly Kono or Sengoku need to clear up so other people wouldn’t misunderstand her actual good intentions.
Sometimes talking about a matter a bit longer than needed can resolve it than letting it sit in our heads and becoming a far worse misunderstanding. Often we get into disputes, discussions or become angry but in the end the longer we try to get across that what we really mean (if we mean well of course there are always people who mean harm as well), and try to make the other person aware of that what made us act or talk the way we do, the easier it becomes in the future to resolve matters just like Hori and Miyamura became much better in understanding each other towards the end of the series.
What do you think made Horimiya relatable for you?
Leave a comment and let us know!
Until then, spring started again…
Makii
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thesoobfiles · 4 years
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some first day – a. skywalker and p. amidala
Anakin x Reader x Padmé
Request: anon, could you do a poly anakin x padme x female reader?
Words: 3.4k
Summary: Anakin and Padmé, already in a relationship, spot a very attractive looking Jedi and assimilate her into their relationship.
A/N: I read up on poly relationships and it said that there could be many aspects and I chose what I thought was the best fitting one. I hope this is what you had in mind and I hope you like it anon! (also, I misread and thought there was no gender preference so if you peep a ‘they’ or ‘them’, appropriately accommodate the pronouns :)
Your P.O.V.
It’s my first day as a Jedi Knight and I already have my first assignment:
Escort Senator Amidala, along with Jedi Knight Skywalker, back to her home on Naboo; where we will be watching over her due to multiple threats on her life.
Could this mission get any better? I thought as I walked the halls of the Jedi Temple.
I get to escort a beautiful senator and former Queen as well as work alongside ‘The Chosen One’, Anakin Skywalker! Not only is he talented in the Force but he’s also super attractive! This is-
“Oof!” My thoughts are cut off as I bump into wall and land on my butt. I didn’t know I was supposed to make a turn yet…
“Are you alright?” A deep voice pulls me from my discombobulation. I look up to see Anakin Skywalker, in the flesh!
“So I didn’t walk into a wall?” I ask, still a little dizzy. I hear him chuckle.
“No, I’m afraid not.” He says as he extends his hand to me. I grab it and he pulls me up, straight into his chest.
“You’re a lot lighter than I expected, Jedi Knight (L/N). “ Anakin points out as I shake my head in hopes of gathering my thoughts.
“You already know who I am?” I ask, confused.
“Of course, we are supposed to be going on a mission together…” He says, matter-of-factly.
“Yes, of course.” I say, finally putting together the puzzle pieces that are my thoughts.
“Shall we?” He asks with a charming smile as he extends his arm in the way of the ship we’ll be taking. I do a little nod before I begin walking.
Wow, first meeting with Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and you’ve managed to pass yourself off as a klutz. Great job, (Y/N)… I mused, walking alongside him.
“Is something the matter?” He asks as we continue down the hall.
“Your eyebrows are furrowed and I’m sensing huge waves of anxiety.” Anakin notes, concern in his beautiful blue eyes.
“Nothing’s the matter; I’m just nervous.” I provide with a small smile in his direction.
“I don’t know if you are aware of this fact, but this is not only my first mission as a Jedi Knight but it is also my first day.” I inform him.
“Not only am I working for Senator Amidala, whose looks are as intimidating as they are beautiful and whose kindness is so inspiring; I’m also working with ‘The Chosen One’ and managed to make a fool of myself during out first encounter.” I say all at the same time, words blending into one another.
“Wow, it felt good to get all of that off my chest…” I mutter.
“I wouldn’t say you made a fool of yourself…” Anakin says at an attempt of comfort as he places his hand on my shoulder. In response, my heartbeat picks up speed.
“…I’m not that intimidating, am I?” A voice chuckles and comes into view; Senator Padmé Amidala!
Oh! She heard that?!
“Senator.” I say as I hurriedly bow before her presence, making Anakin’s hand fall off my shoulder.
“Please, call me Padmé.” She says as I return to a standing position.
“Of course… Padmé.” I say, testing it out. She smiles in return and spins to make her way to the ship.
“She’s more beautiful up close…” I mumble.
“That she is.” Anakin confirms as he too makes his way to the ship.
On a mission with two unbelievably gorgeous individuals, how will I survive? I ask myself as I make my way onto the ship and into the co-pilot seat. It’s not long before Anakin has the ship up and running for the five hour flight ahead.
For the first couple hours, Anakin and I made conversation. We talked about our childhood in the first hour.
“Back on Tattooine…” He began.
“… so much sand…” He said with annoyance.
“…pretty good mechanic, still am now.” He stated proudly with a wide smile on his face.
“What about you?” He inquired.
“Born on Corellia, Grew up on Coruscant.” I started.
“…don’t remember my parents too much. The Council sensed the Force in me when I was… 3?” I questioned, not quite remembering.
“…assembled my first lightsaber…” I recall with a smile on my face.
The second hour passed quickly while conversing about the topic of Jedi training, when we were still padawans.
“Obi-Wan Kenobi fresh out of the Jedi Trails…” He voiced.
“Plo Koon… very calm and monotone.” I professed.
“…worked with Senator Amidala before. She was still Queen when Obi-Wan and I got assigned to her.” He revealed.
“…with many Senators before; but, never a Queen turned Senator…” I said.
“…outside of training… mechanics… built C-3PO to help my mom…” He reminisced with a sad smile on his face.
“…reading and gardening… learn about different cultures and social norms… plants are very calming…” I reply.
For the third hour, I actually had to fly the ship as Anakin took a break to talk to the Senator.
Anakin’s P.O.V.
The first two hours talking with (Y/N) was oddly calming. She is very cute and quite the intelligent girl. I walk out of the cockpit and walk over to Padmé, taking a seat beside her.
“Hello, my love.” I say as I put my arm around her shoulder, giving her a kiss on the cheek, not wanting to interrupt her.
“Hey.” She greets me back as she closes the hologram she was working on and smiles at me. I lean in and kiss her. She wastes no time in kissing me back. I break apart and give her a quick peck on the lips.
“Remember how you talked about a polyamorous relationship?” I bring up.
“Yes. I think it will be an interesting experience as well as good insight as to how that sort of relationship would work.” She replied.
“What do you think about (Y/N)?” I ask in relation to the first question.
“I think she is very nice and very attractive; however, I haven’t spent too much time with her given this is our first meeting.” She points out.
“Ah, that is correct.” I reply and furrow my eyebrows in response.
“Would you like to talk to her?” I ask, first making sure we are on the same page.
“Of course! She seems like an interesting conversationalist.” She says in response.
“However, typical Jedi’s do not form attachments. Have you asked about how she feel about that rule?” She inquires. I widen my eyes in response. I was thinking about whether Padmé was alright with her but not about whether she was alright with breaking one of the Jedi’s most important rules!
“I’ll be back before the end of our trip.” I say with a smile on my face as I kiss her and leave for the cockpit.
I walk back in and take my seat in the pilot’s chair. I strap in and tap (Y/N) on the shoulder. She turns her head to me quickly and removes the com from her head and replace it with a wireless one.
“Oh! Jedi Knight Skywalker! I didn’t hear you enter!” She says apologetically.
“No worries and you can call me Anakin.” I say with a smile. I see her cheeks tint with the faintest shade of red as I put the com back on and leave one ear open.
So I know she’s attracted to me and since she talked about how beautiful Padmé was, she is also attracted to her. Once (Y/N) and Padmé have a conversation like we’ve done here, maybe she’ll like her more? First, I have to ask about the rule…
“So, (Y/N).” I say, grabbing her attention.
“How do you feel about the ‘no attachments’ rule?” I ask, jumping right in.
“Well, I understand why the Jedi Council has the rule in place. If a Jedi had attachments, they would have feelings that could be turned against them.” She reasoned.
“As Master Yoda says, ‘Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.’” She says. I laugh in response.
“That was a pretty good Yoda impression.” I compliment her as she laughs too.
“Thanks… But, even though those feelings can be turned against them, I believe they can also be used for good.” She replies, countering her first point.
“Emotions can lead to good things as much as they can lead to bad things. It’s all up to the Jedi in question… Me personally? I believe I can keep my emotions in check for me to be in a relationship. It wouldn’t completely cloud my judgement.” She finish off. I nod.
This can work.
“Ah, before I forget; Senator Amidala wishes to speak to you.” I say, sending (Y/N) to the cargo bay.
“Oh!” She says and scrambles out of her seat. She straightens herJedi robes and makes her way to Padmé.
I think it will work out just fine…
Your P.O.V.
I straighten my robes as I make my way to the cargo bay.
Why would the Senator wish to see me?
“Jedi Knight (L/N)!” Padmé calls out to me and motions for me to walk in her direction. I comply and saunter over to where she’s seated. She pats the booth next to her and I take a seat next to her. I fiddle my thumbs as I sit there, tense.
“You can just call me (Y/N), Senator.” I speak up.
“I’ll call you (Y/N) when you remember to call me Padmé.” She jokes.
“Ah, right…” I blush at my forgetfulness.
“(Y/N) is a wonderful name; (Y/N).” She says simply, then she stretches the syllables of my name out.
“When you say it like that, you make it sound much better than it actually is.” I say and provide her with a small smile. She laughs once more. Her laughter could be compared to the ringing of small bells; quite melodious.
“So, (Y/N). What do you like to do when you are not swinging around your lightsaber?” She questions.
A question as simple as my interests got the ball rolling. From there, we talked about her transition from Queen to Senator, my life as a Padawan learner, life on our respective planets and even touched the subject of our preferences.
“So you’re in a secret relationship? That must be hard…” I say in response to the information just entrusted to me.
“Have you ever heard of a polyamorous relationship, (Y/N)?” Padmé suddenly asked.
“I can’t say that I have… what is it?” I question curiously.
“To put it simply, a relationship between multiple people; typically three. Polyamorous on a whole, however, is a rather large umbrella term. One type could be if Person A has two separate relationships with Person B and Person C. Another type could be between all three of them, where the love is shared equally. A third type would be if Person A is in multiple relationships with Person C and Person D but their main partner is Person B.” Padmé finishes.
“Wow…” I breathe.
“For me personally? I believe I would want to be in type 1 or type 2; depending on the people. I don’t think type 3 is for me; too many partners to share the attention with… If I liked both of them, I would want to engage in a type 2 relationship; if I only liked one of them, I would engage in a type 1 relationship. Does that make sense?” I inquire as I face Padmé’s direction. She smiles and nods.
“It does.” She agrees.
“And yourself?” I turn the question back onto her.
“I agree with your logic; it makes total sense.” She nods once more, looking in my direction. Suddenly, the ship starts rumble and a hard turn is made. In the midst of this rough turn, both Padmé and I fall onto the floor; myself hovering over her majesty.
I knew I should have put my seatbelt on, but I didn’t think I was going to be talking for this long… I look off to the side and curse myself.
“Are you alright?” I ask, turning my head to face her and assess any possible injuries; making sure Padmé is safe and unharmed. With the slightest turn of my head, we are already nose to nose. My eyes widen in response as she giggles. I could hear those giggles for the rest of my life…
No! She’s in a relationship! You can’t fantasize about spending your life with her! You are also a Jedi, forbidden from having attachments! Would I be willing to break the Jedi’s most important rule to hear this laughter for the rest of my life? I wonder and I stare into her dazzling light brown eyes.
Suddenly, I hear a beeping. I tap my comlink.
“One hour until we reached our destination.” Anakin voices in my ear.
“I could use some backup here, flying through an asteroid field.” He continues.
That would explain the sudden shaking and turning of the ship…
“I’m on my way.” I tap the comlink again, excusing myself and removing myself from atop of Padmé. I extend my hand to her as she gracefully accepts. I begin to open my mouth to end the conversation but she beats me to it.
“You must return, I understand. Be safe out there.” She wishes with a pearly white smile as she grasps my hand and pulls herself up.
“Of course.” I reply and smile right back. I walk towards the cockpit and strap in. I look ahead and see the asteroid field continue for at least 6 meters. I grab the wheel and help Anakin steer.
In no time, we are out of the field. I breathe a sigh of relief as that could have gone a lot worse. I settle back into my seat when I see Anakin begin to speak.
“I’m going to go and check on the kind of damage those asteroids did.” He stated.
“Of course.” I nod and place the comlink on my head once more, one ear open. He smiles and leaves.
Anakin’s P.O.V.
I walk out of the cockpit and head to the cargo bay. I walk over to the panel in the ship’s interior and open it up; analyzing if any of the wires were knocked out of place.
I place my hand on the interior to feel the ship; check if any asteroids remained on the ships exterior and how many dents it made. So far, no asteroids were stuck; however, there are a considerable amount of dents.
I’ll have to fix that when we return to Coruscant.
I place the panel back on the wall and head over to Padmé. I sit next to her once more and hold her hand.
“So? What did you think?” I ask, curious of her final answer. She sits there in silence, pondering.
“I think… I like her.” She reveals with a smile on her face. In return, my own face breaks out in a smile.
“Wonderful!” I exclaim.
“She is as nice as I originally thought and an easy person to talk to; she is also considerably attractive. Not only that, but a very good listener as well. She sat through my boring transition talk from Queen to Senator and even provided some commentary.” She finished off with nothing but positive things to say about (Y/N).
“Then it’s settled. Once we land on Naboo and we are settled at the safe house…” I begin.
“… we will ask her whether she would like to be in a relationship with us.” Padmé finishes.
“Entering Naboo’s atmosphere.” (Y/N)’s voices echoes in my comlink.
“Copy.” I respond.
“That’s my queue.” I look at Padmé and she gives me an encouraging smile as I walk back to the cockpit.
Your P.O.V.
I hear Anakin reenter the cockpit as Naboo’s cities come into view.
“Ever been?” I hear him ask as he begins to help me land.
“To Naboo? A couple times in my earlier stages as a padawan, but not as recently as to where I can remember…” I reply, focusing on landing the ship.
“It is as beautiful as it is intense. This is especially true in regards to their beauty culture.” He says with a chuckle.
“Indeed. The Scar of Remembrance being especially important to the make-up the rulers of Naboo wear as well as the twin red dots of ‘balance’ and symmetry’.” I say excitedly. Skywalker looks at me with both eyebrows raised, presumably impressed by my knowledge of Nabooian beauty culture.
“I said I read a lot of books.” I laugh in response to his facial expression.
“That you did.” He smiles as he nods his head in agreement.
We finish landing the ship and unbuckle our seatbelts. Checking to make sure my lightsaber is hilted to my belt, I leave the cockpit, enter the cargo bay and exit the vessel alongside Anakin and Padmé. We pass by a couple of locals, the current Queen and some other Senators before we reach a ‘secure location’.
This location will supposedly safely hide Padmé; they said they’ve used this spot before so I trust their judgment.
We enter through a building to a great green field where Anakin and Padmé sit like they’ve done this multiple times before. I follow after them and they make space for me to sit in the middle. I gratefully accept their invitation and take a seat between them.
As if they’ve planned this, they waste no time and they each take one of my hands; Anakin takes my right and Padmé takes my left. I look at each of them with a small smile on my face, confirming my previous thoughts.
“(Y/N), we-“ Padmé starts off gently.
“Yes.” I cut Padmé off, already having deduced what they’re trying to tell to me.
I look at Anakin to see his handsome face displaying a caught off guard expression and back to Padmé to see her perfectly arched eyebrow raised slightly above her right eye.
“Yes, I accept your invitation into your relationship.” I elaborate, squeezing both of their hands. Anakin giving me a strong, reassuring squeeze and Padmé giving me a gentle, loving squeeze.
“How did you know?” Anakin asks, smirk slaying across his lips.
“I took a couple of things into consideration…” I say and give a little smile.
“Do tell. What kind of things?” Padmé presses.
“One, you talking to me about the no attachment rule.” I begin, releasing Anakin’s hand to point at him and look right into his ocean blue eyes.
“Two, you talking to me about polyamorous relationships.” I continue, releasing Padmé’s hand to point at her and look into Padmé’s chestnut brown eyes.
“Three, both of you flirted with me; given, both on separate occasions…” I reason, looking down at the grass for a change.
“Four, I deduced you two were a couple based on three things” I inform, holding up three fingers; sparing each of them a glance.
“The time you spent together on the ship, the way you look at each other when you think no one else is looking and the wedding band on Padmé’s right hand.” I say, picking up Padmé’s hand and inspecting the ring, nearing my conclusion.
“Finally, five. I thought that Anakin was too loyal to cheat and Padmé was too caring, so I came to the conclusion that you wished to assimilate me into your current relationship.” I finish voicing my findings.
“I told you they were intelligent.” Anakin says to Padmé as he looks lovingly at me.
“I never doubted it…” She replies.
“One thing I couldn’t figure out though was the type of relationship we would be entering…” I say.
“Since we all care about each other…” Anakin begins.
“…it would be where the attention is shared equally.” Padmé wraps up his thought.
“Alright, let’s brave this adventure…” I start, grasping and kissing both of their hands.
“…together.” We all say as we spend the rest of the day frolicking through the fields of Naboo.
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loveafterthefact · 4 years
Text
Love After the Fact Chapter 26: Loyalty
Lance makes an offer to a not-so-distant friend
Also, headcannon that Lotor has orange scales like his mom :)
First  Previous  Next
Lance sits on the ground in the grotto, pulls a comms device out of his boot. All he has to do now is wait. So that’s exactly what he does, tossing the comms device back and forth between his hands. He’d managed to lighten his mood for a dobosh or two, long enough to put Keith at ease for a bit, but now he can feel himself starting to shake.
He stops playing with the comms device once his hands start shaking so bad he nearly fumbles it into the pool. The little fish don't know to dart away, unfamiliar with predators from above.
“Lance, what’s going on?” Keith whispers, voice low. He sits off to the side, knees tucked up, tail curled around his feet, twisting the end of his braid between his fingers. Galra, Lance thinks. They’re so instinctive, so insightful. He couldn’t pull anything over on Keith if he wanted to. To the kit’s credit, he looks more ready to draw a weapon than to cower in a corner.
It’s amazing what agency does for a person’s spirit. Since being allowed to do things and be useful, Keith's become fiercer, less aloof, more prone to humor.
“Those rumors Lanval talked about? I’m worried they might not be rumors. I’ve asked Shiro via Adam’s comms device to set up a conference between me and Lotor to discuss strategies.”
“Strategies,” Keith grumbles. “Lance, you’re just a prince. You only have what power Alfor bothers to give you. And then I only have what power you bother to give me.”
“That’s appointed power, beloved. Lotor and I have much more than that. We’re attractive and charming, and so are our spouses.” Lance smiles. “The people don’t know what we are and are not allowed to do. But they want to follow us and be like us. We choose how we want them to behave, and then that is how we must behave ourselves.”
Keith stares into Lance’s eyes. Lance lets him, lets him seek out whatever he’s looking for. After a moment, Keith sits back. “I’ve never had power or influence. I don’t really know what they are or how to use them. I can only trust you.” He reaches out, brushes some of Lance’s hair out of his face, smirks. “So don’t fuck it up, okay?”
“But you-” The comms device buzzes in Lance’s hand. He answers, letting it hover in front of him. “Prince Lotor.”
“Crown Prince Lancel.” Lotor smiles, the orange scales glittering on his cheeks. They shine with green iridescence when the light hits them and they have a different shape, more like bolts of electricity than the spread wings of the Alteans. “It’s good to hear from you. Though,” Lotor frowns, “I can’t imagine this is a social call, given the secrecy.”
“Not, it is not… Shiro. Are you listening?”
“I’m here,” Shiro murmurs, stepping into view. Keith notices from the corner of his eye as Adam slips into the grotto. Keith stays out of view of the call, leans up against the wall, arms folded. He can practically see Lance shaking, hands twisting in his lap.
“Right. Where to begin…”
“Take your time,” Lotor says, tucking a lock of silver hair behind his ear. “I will listen.”
Keith suddenly remembers that Lotor is several decaphoebs older than they are, has been given more power and responsibility. Lotor actually knows what he's doing. Lance is just doing the best he can.
“Right.” Lance takes a deep breath. May the Ancients forgive what he’s about to do. “I recently received word that there are rumors running through my court that Altea still prepares for war with Daibazaal. Looking into it, one of my associates discovered a hidden war room we believe is connected to my father’s laboratory.” Lance closes his mouth, waits to see if Lotor has anything to say.
Lotor’s frown deepens, brows furrow, but he merely gestures for Lance to continue. Lance sits up a little straighter, hands in his lap. His fingers clench so tight his knuckles are white even against his brown skin. Keith can see him tremble, hear every rattle of his lungs as he takes a deep breath.
“I do not know if King Alfor intends to invade or if he is simply concocting contingency plans in case you choose to betray us, but… In the event that my father does launch an attack on Daibazaal and her people, I humbly request asylum for myself, my husband, and our associates. My people will not survive another war with Daibazaal. They are tired, and our numbers have begun to dwindle. Children are fewer and we have lost many soldiers. I do not wish to put them through another war.
“I am quickly gaining the respect and love of my citizens. If I side with you, they may yet turn against my father if such a thing occurs. Siding with Daibazaal is my people’s greatest chance. And… It is my husband’s only chance. If King Alfor chooses to turn on Daibazaal, he will surely kill him. I would not have him die.
“Please, Prince Lotor. I beg of you, help me save my people.”
There's a long stretch of silence where no one speaks, where the entire grotto holds its breath. Keith gapes, eyes wide, mind reeling at the image of his spouse. He hasn’t seen this version of Lance yet, this version with the one thing his father lacks entirely: humility.
Lance kneels with his head bowed before a foreign prince, before the man he only a little while ago called his enemy. The circlet on his head, shining in his white hair suddenly means so much more than Keith ever gave it credit for. It’s a heavier thing than ever he knew.
“It’s a little early to commit treason, given your evidence.” Lotor hums. “But not necessarily inappropriate given our circumstances. I find it interesting that you have heard the exact same rumors I have, seemingly within a movement of my hearing them.”
Lance lifts his head. Keith can see his throat bob as he swallows. “You have heard the same?”
“Yes, though it is not clear who is the assumed aggressor… I silenced the rumors as soon as I heard them. The only Altean to travel to Daibazaal since your wedding has been your attendant, Adam. Do you trust him?” In a manner of speaking, Keith thinks.
“Completely. I sent him to investigate the rumor and do some research for me.”
“So he traveled here after you caught wind of the rumor. Very interesting… What of outside our little system?”
“You’re implying we may share an outside enemy?”
“It’s more than possible.” Lotor sighs, leaning back in his chair. “Let us look into outsiders before we look into each other, shall we? We’ll give our fathers the benefit of the doubt for now. But should King Alfor turn against us, you and yours will be welcomed. I would not have your people condemned based upon the wayward whims of their king.
“In the meantime, let’s you and I come up with ways in which we might better present a united front. Perhaps I could come visit. I’ll bring Allura, and Romelle is well enough to travel. We can… I don’t know, wander together about the city or something.”
“There is the Frost Ball. It’s as tedious and lame as it sounds, so you might as well come and shake things up. I shall tell my father that I invited you. I’m deeply sorry that I forgot to run it by him first.”
Lotor smiles. “That sounds perfect. Hopefully we can find an excuse to bring you to Daibazaal soon enough.”
“I think Prince Yorak would like that.” Lance finally smiles, eyes sliding to Keith. He’s still shaking, having essentially promised to commit conditional treason, but Keith sees that weight on his head lighten just enough for the crown prince to straighten his shoulders again. "Truth be told, I would like that as well."
“Excellent. In the meantime, let us look into our outside relations and see what we can find. I will confer with you as soon as possible.”
Lance bows his head again. “You have my deepest thanks, Prince Lotor. From myself, and my people, though they do not know it.”
This time, when Prince Lotor smiles, it’s sad. “And you, Crown Prince Lancel, have my deepest respect. Let us pray that your people never need know what transpired today. Farewell.”
“Farewell,” Lance whispers, head still bowed. Lotor ends the conference, and the comms unit goes dormant. Lance heaves an exhausted sigh.
Keith stares. Lance would give up his seat, give up any chance at a relationship with his father, give anything, everything to see his people safe. Keith knew this already, of course. He’s known it from the quintant they met.
But to betray the Crown is to surrender his crown, and Lance stares that possibility in the face, trembles, but does not flinch. Keith moves from his place against the wall, begins working feeling back into Lance’s cramped hands.
Keith has spent his entire life resenting royalty. They’re the ones who took his mother away, the ones who caused the death of his father. Thanks to them, Keith spent eleven long decaphoebs of his childhood alone and isolated from civilization. Still, it’s here, in the presence of a fearful, inexperienced youth destined to one day be a king, that Keith feels at home for the first time since he was six decaphoebs old.
So, he makes a move in its own way as bold as Lance’s. Keith lays a gentle hand against Lance’s cheek, coaxes the Altean to meet his eyes. Despite the fear there, those eyes do not waver. Lance does. not. flinch. And neither does Keith as he gently presses their brows together, brushes his thumb over those blue scales. They’re iridescent like Lotor’s, Keith suddenly notices, shimmering red where the light hits them. A heart full of love for his people and fire for their survival.
Lance’s breath comes ragged and fast. Keith closes his eyes, takes deep, cleansing breaths, waits for his spouse to match up with him. There’s a sniffle, something wet where Keith brushes his thumb over Lance’s scales again. He takes Lance’s hand -It’s larger than his own, he finally realizes- and holds it against his chest, over the greater of his hearts.
Lance shifts forward, rests his brow against Keith’s collarbone, and Keith embraces him without a second thought. It matters not what happens next, what the higher royals choose to do with the toys they call people. Keith will not be coming back from this.
He will not be coming back from Lance.
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frostysfrenzy · 3 years
Text
As promised. Me and my bs are back, hello friends. Been a few days...
Clark: last night we kind of kissed. Me: *fails to contain my snickering* kind of Clark?
The fact that Lex is somehow involved in every episode even though he's not actually on the show anymore is slightly bothersome tbh
Yet another Smallville dramatic hair cutting scene
Is it bad that I live for Clark/Tess scenes? Like just give me more please
"You really think you can declare Lex dead and not end up dead yourself?" You know what pal I'm sure my girl Tess can
"Clark no more super scares please I'm this close to a cardiac arrest"
I expected to like Tess but not quite this much she's a damn queen
Ok Lana really going for it girl I commend you but also why?
I'm bummed we're not going to get a lot of Lana and Tess scenes
Lana: whispers to Clark from the roof
Lol Oliver and Tess joining forces this shall be fun
CLARK AND LANA BROKE THE BED 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 AND CLARK WANTS TO SEE IF THEY CAN BREAK THE FLOOR I'll miss this energy
"Clark I love you being so romantic" honey he always has been you've just been blind to it
Oliver: well if it isn't metropolises newest power couple
"You're a clown aren't you a clown" Oliver Queen my beloved
My boy is still entertaining me from his hospital bed
Lana shoves doll head first into garbage: today's edition of things that were funny for no reason
I never thought that Lana's second departure could hurt as much as the first but damn ok watch me cry for eternity
*cries more*
*and more*
This damn show
PAIN
I feel genuinely sick this is making me so sad
Neat special effects on that kiss though, kudos
K I'm going to go cry for 10 minutes before I start the next ep
K it's been at least 15 and I still feel disgusting but I'm jumping back on the horse
They really had to bring this woman back. No offence but I hate you water lady
Wait she was 2 seasons ago?? I really have been flying through this show
What is with Smallville just having people incapacitated for months right before their departure from the show? Lana? And I ran into the Jimmy spoiler so I know that is coming
Ok things are moderately forgiven I'm laughing at Clois so it's getting ok again
Clark telling Lois he's the red blue blur I love them
"What'd you do, sneeze?" "Actually..." I'm not ok 😂😂
There's no way this is real
"Guess I should stop calling you Smallville"
I can't take this ep seriously 😂😂
"Have I been high this entire time?"
I really hate water lady. This bitch
More time travel oh boy that ended so well the last time
Yet again Clois breaking my heart when they're not even together
This ep better be the last time I see water lady
Ok this woman will be back and I'm going to scream ughhhh I hate her
Or maybe not thank you Davis
Damnit Clois stop this
I'm sorry father but you can't understand the level of inner demon that Davis has
Clark Kent, suit and tie, takes a backpack to work
My poor baby Jimmy please give this boy some joy before, well...
Davis is pretty clever in covering his ass I'll give him that
Poor Chloe joining the self blame parade
Jimmy and Davis are about to go to war I feel it
Jimmy love what the hell are you doing?
The thing I love about Davis is he genuinely tries to be good he just.... can't
Is it some sort of rite of passage in this show for characters to have a psychotic break?
Tess and her childhood tales this poor girl I could not love her more
"Skies are all clear" *turbulence seconds later*
Can't wait til Oliver finds out about his jet
"It's going to be one long happily ever after" *cries in knowledge of what's to come*
*CRIES MORE* JIMMY WHAT THE HELL
Davis drove the stake I told you
Wait Tess planned all that plane stuff? Huh. Clever
"One year closer to the sweet release of death" ok Lois
How is Oliver so cute?
Me when Ollie first came in: he is Oliver I will not call him Ollie. Me now: Ollie my baby!!!
"Oh my god I'm Lois"
"Isnt there a limit to how tight a shirt can be to meet dress code" I love Clark and his reaction
"Its ok I'm Chloe" says Lois... well... whatever... anyway...
Another rite of passage seems to be helping brainwashed Clark through learning his abilities. Although I guess it's technically the same person
"You're a superhuman being from another planet " "that's great just don't tell human resources alright"
I don't really know whether to refer to her as Lois or Chloe but hey. Also Clark wasn't the flower in the hair a dead giveaway it wasn't Lois?
"Look at the rust in here no wonder it just pulled off like that"
"That's amazing. The acoustics up here are incredible. It's like there's some perfect echo point right here"
I could really just copy this entire scene on here, its practicality what I'm doing anyway
Clark being concerned about his deadline. Can relate
"Sorry guys. I'll make sure you get a nice Christmas bonus" Oliver is just very funny sometimes
Wait how they'd get off the roof?
And howd Ollie get off the pole?
Oliver: What is this, you drop by to kick my ass again, it was so much fun for me the first time
"Here's a thought. Don't do it again" good advice Ollie
One of these eps, they'll get together obviously. One of these eps....
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sea-and-storm · 4 years
Text
FFXIV WRITE 2020: Muster (#3)
Naught but the sound of waves lapping against the Wavecutter's hull outside the port window filled the silence that hung between Arukh and Ghoa as the latter intently focused upon changing his bandages. It had been much the same the previous evenings that she had done so, scarcely more than a handful of words spoken between them and all pertaining solely to how his recovery was progressing. Though she hadn't been cold or unkind towards him in those times, there was no denying the awkwardness as she pointedly ignored the figurative elephant in the room:  that he was family she had never known to exist, and had likely never expected to meet.
At first, after the revelation on his part, the older Mankhad was resolved to let her come to him. He hadn't doubted that she had innumerable questions, and it was only fair that he answer them, no matter how difficult the answers might have been to give and receive. It was a lot for one person to handle, especially so abruptly, and so he wished not to force such emotion and discomfort upon her. And indeed, it seemed after that first night the subject had been delicately traipsed around that his instinct not to press the matter rang true. 
The second night, he had suspected that the questions would finally come. Yet again, however, Ghoa had only asked how he felt and saw to the wounds that the Jhungid witch's shadows had inflicted upon him. No mention of their relation or their family or their people. Admittedly, he thought it surprising, if not a touch strange that Ghoa still seemed to be avoiding the subject. But maybe, he supposed, she only needed more time to process what had happened, what it meant. Maybe she needed more time to even decide what her questions were to begin with. After all, she couldn't have come to that cove prepared to ask them, no more than he had been prepared to have them asked. And so, once more, he let it be and simply bade her a good night's rest. 
Now on the third night, Arukh was all but certain that the conversation would finally be upon them. Tomorrow they would disembark and make their trek to the ruins, and surely Ghoa knew as well as he that there would likely be no time for such conversations once they set out. If they were ever to discuss it, then tonight would be their last guaranteed chance to do so.
However, when his sister came to his room at her usual hour, things had proceeded much the same as they had the nights prior. There was a bit more pensiveness about her as she worked, he had observed, and perhaps even a hint of conflict. So he waited for her to finally broach the subject, and waited, and waited..
"Well then," she sighed as she finished tying off the last of the fresh bandages. "The wounds could stand a bit more time and rest, truly, but given that both are luxuries currently in short supply.. It seems to me that you should be fit enough for what's to come on the morrow." She flashed him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as she stood from the cot. "Rest well, Arukh."
He stared in disbelief as she turned from him and started towards the door, and in his shock, she had nearly slipped out of the room entirely before he found his voice again.
"Ghoa," he called out after her as her hand reached out for the door.
Perhaps as if anticipating the very words about to come out of his mouth, she froze there in place. Her posture changed, tension slowly taking root across her shoulders. Her hand lingered upon the knob for a tick, two ticks, three.. before it finally fell away, and she turned back towards him. 
"Yes..?" She answered, hesitation palpable. "Is aught amiss?"
Arukh paused then, a momentary pang of guilt arising in his stomach. It was clear that she still held reservations, and he knew it was not his place to force them from her. Yet he could not fathom why she would seemingly surrender what perhaps might have been her only chance to get the answers to questions that he knew she had to harbor. That he would survive this excursion was no guarantee, after all. If he were lost, then she had to understand that those answers would very well die with him. The only explanation that made any sense to him was that she was afraid of what those answers might be, and while he certainly could not fault her for such, neither could he sit idly by as what may have been her singular opportunity for clarity slipped through her fingers without him having said a word.
"Three suns and you've not asked the first question of me," he began, his tone carefully even and bereft of judgment. She flinched ever so slightly, and her gaze averted across the room. Sensing another evasion eminent, he added in a voice that betrayed his pleading, "You must know that if you do not ask them now, then you may never--"
"Stop."
Ghoa's interruption had come so suddenly and unexpectedly, with such conviction that his words, indeed, died on his lips. Brows lofted, he stared at her, and finally her silver gaze turned back to meet his as a grimace twisted her lips.
"I haven't asked because I cannot afford to," Ghoa began, her voice scarcely above a whisper. "What we are soon to be walking into, it requires all of us to be at our best." She inhaled deeply, and slowly exhaled through her nose as her eyes closed, taking a moment to steady the quavering of her voice before she pressed on. "And there are people that will be counting on me -- with their lives, perhaps -- to be prepared for it.
"I already know well how that which calls those ruins home is wont to prey upon whatever weaknesses are harbored within a person's mind, and there is plenty else which already haunts me without giving the darkness yet more to sup upon. These questions of mine, of which there are assuredly plenty, must wait until the danger is passed. I've no other choice lest I wish to put myself and those I seek to protect endangered." Her gaze softened, and her shoulders slumped in resignation. "It has taken me three suns now to muster up my courage to make my peace with the knowledge that a lifetime of questions may forever go unanswered. So please, Arukh, leave it be.. I don't know if I have within me the resolve to deny myself this opportunity a second time."
The silence between them returned again;  brief this time, in actuality, though it seemed to Arukh to last a lifetime. It was not simply anger or indignation or even sadness that stilled his tongue now, but a lack of words altogether as he struggled to voice that which her words stirred in him. Perhaps it was foolishness, he realized, now that he had to be again reminded that Ghoa had never needed anybody else to find her strength for her. He had watched her grow within an isolated childhood, bereft of the warmth and support of family, into a capable young woman. He had witnessed the indignities she had suffered at Kharlu hands, as well as her dsring escape from them atop a stolen mare in the dead of night. Hearing her own words now, he could only imagine all else which she had endured in the years since that he had not been present to witness.
It was not fear that stopped her at all, as it never had. It was selflessness.
"You speak of weakness in yourself, but I believe you to be far stronger than what you give yourself credit for," he finally managed, a hint of pride lacing his words and a faint smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "But I understand. These words shall wait, and I'll do all within my power to ensure that we both have the opportunity to speak them once all is settled."
The tired, anxious look that had taken up residence on her familiar features gave way first to relief, then to warmth as she mirrored his smile with her own. 
"And I shall do the same," she agreed. "So let us both now put this out of mind and get our rest. There shall be plenty of time after for us to get properly acquainted."
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magicjesuscup · 4 years
Note
How would the KoTR react to Gray from Lord El-Melloi Case Files(don’t answer if you haven’t heard or watched)
I got two of these, so I’m going to delete the other one. I'm also going to say this is after they learn about her past and not them reacting to how she looks. I'm doing it this way because there are so many saber faces I don't think they'd have much of a reaction to a girl who just looks like their king anymore.
I also want to note that I think Gray only ever referred to Waver as "Sir" in the subbed version, so I'll be sticking to that in my response.
Another thing to note: I wrote Arthur/Artoria, Lancer Artoria, and Mordred’s reactions a few days before everyone else’s. So, theirs are kinda in the form of mini fanfiction while the rest are headcanons.
SFW and spoilers for the Lord El-Melloi Case Files.
Arthur/Artoria
Oh. Oh god do they feel guilty about this. The whole reason Gray looked the way she did was because her village was trying to resurrect them!? This poor girl never had a life of her own because she was expected to live as someone else. (No, they don't see this as anything similar to what they experienced when they were alive. They chose to be king; Gray was born into this madness.) They fought so hard so people could live their lives; this isn't what they intended.
"I never would have imagined anyone would rob someone of their life to resurrect me. Forgive me."
Gray shook her head and stared at the ground. "It wasn't all bad. I was able to meet Sir, and because I had Add, I could protect him. And I met a lot of people through him too. Some were strange. Some were kind. But they're all important memories for me, and I wouldn't have them if my childhood had been different."
Hearing that made them feel better. If she wasn't sad over things, why should they be? Still, they were a bit worried about what would happen if her village ever caught up to her.
Lancer Artoria
Artoria looked at Gray with all the confidence and dignity befitting a king. "There are several versions of me running around Chaldea. You are not one of them. The things I left undone and have yet to do are my burden to bear, not yours."
Listening to that calm tone and noting her body language, Gray looked at the floor. She was so shy and timid. "I'm really not like you at all."
"No. You are a failed King Arthur." Artoria put her hand under Gray's chin and tiled her head upward. The look in Artoria's eyes was soft and there was a hint of a smile on her face, "But, you are an exemplary Gray." Artoria dropped her hand. "You need but tend to your own affairs, whatever they may be; I shall handle the rest."
"Pft." A voice under Gray's cloak spoke. "Once and future king my foot!" Gray moved her cloak aside revealing the mystic code, who continued, "Two world wars, Brexit, a handful of pandemics-"
"Rhongomyniad." Artoria's voice was full of authority and her tone carried a warning.
The mystic code fell silent. Gray looked in shock from Add to Artoria. Sheepishly she requested, "I know you'd like me to live for myself, but I'd really like to learn how you did that."
Artoria stifled a chuckle. "I'd be honored to teach you."
"H-Hey!" Add protested. "Don't I get a say in this!?"
Artoria's voice immediately slipped back into its normal deadpan. "No."
Bedivere
Good boy Bedivere is kind, but also acts like the butler she never asked for. She doesn't want to make him feel bad by declining his offers to help her, but it's very strange for her to have someone offering to do things for her. She's kinda used to being the one to run errands and do little tasks. So, instead of accepting his offers, she suggests they do the tasks together instead. They get along well. Bedivere is a people person and conversations come easy to him, which is good since that's not one of Gray's strong suits.
Gawain
Word gets to Gawain that Gray is somehow related to King Arthur. He's kind of excited by this because that means she's his kin too. He's very curious how they're related, but is fairly certain he'll never find out. Documents detailing her family tree either probably don't exist or have been long destroyed. He basically appoints himself her big brother. Of course, he realizes very quickly he can't be rough with her like he was with his brothers/sisters raised to be boys (no wrestling and what not). Luckily, he doesn't have much trouble adapting. He tries to be kind and gentle, but it kinda comes off as weird and creepy?
Gawain: If you ever need a hug, Big Brother Gawain is here. *holds out his arms for emphasis, like he's ready for a hug right now.*
Gray: Oh. Thank you. *is 100% not going to hug him, but appreciates the gesture.*
Lancelot
Okay, so Lancelot had has a body guard crush on Artoria, and this girl is not helping. Sure, he's used to seeing other girls that look like his king running around and acting differently but none of them are this cute(!?). Like, every time Gray's around, he pictures Artoria acting like Gray and then starts smiling like a doofus.
Gray: Sir Tristan, is Sir Lancelot alright? He's had that look on his face for five minutes and he doesn't seem to be aware of anything happening around him.
Tristan: Oh, that's just the face he makes when he's thinking about a pretty girl.
Gray: Are you sure?
Tristan: Yes, he does it a lot; you'll get used to it.
Merlin
Merlin is super torn. Gray is the type that gets flustered pretty easily. People like that are super fun for him to tease, but she also looks too much like Artoria. Every time he looks at her, he's reminded of raising the tiny king until she was five and then popping back in her life to train and advise her. Also, what if he says something lewd to her, she deems him a pervert, and then never speaks to him again!? That would be awful. For now, he'll just treat her the same way he does Saber Lily.
Mordred
Mordred put his hands on his hips. "I don't get why you're bothering with that hood. Do you have any idea how many people here look like father? Nero. Joan of Arc. Okita. Bitch, you ain't special." He noticed Gray turning away from him and decided to switch tactics a bit. "I look just like father too; you think I should hide my face?"
Gray stammered out a, "Well, no-"
"Damn straight I shouldn't." He jerked his thumb towards his face. "This mug is mine. I'm not hiding it anymore, and neither should you."
Gray thought about what Mordred said and slowly removed her hood.
Mordred grinned and slapped her hard on the back a few times. "Look who's balls dropped; good job, kid!"
Tristan
Gray follows Tristan around sometimes, but he doesn't mind. Gawain and Lancelot are acting like complete weirdos, so he's guessing she's just grateful to have found a knight that can act like a normal human being. He's also 100% wrong. Gray is fascinated by Tristan's ability to somehow see with his eyes shut. Her working theory is that he has mystic eyes that let him see through his eyelids and they take such a toll on him they cause him to randomly fall asleep throughout the day. She tags along with him waiting to see some evidence (her experiences with Waver have taught her to always look for proof). Also, Gawain and Lancelot know this, but they're not telling him. Can you blame them? He called them weirdos; they're going to enjoy watching him be wrong!
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jabbajambler · 3 years
Text
01
When We Were Young
Obi Wan Kenobi x f!OC
Word Count: 2,141
*GIF by @obimauls​*
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         The sun was bright on Coruscant. I always loved how the city would glow and beam. Even on the darkest days, it could lift my spirits. Thankfully, today was not one of those dark days. Today was a day that could easily make history, the day the Jedi called in me for assistance in their war.
         I never had a huge opinion in the war. Of course,  I wasn't a fan of it, but no strong opinions. I only wished it would end. Hopefully with my help, it will.
         "Aaryn Skywalker?" An orange, armor-cladded clone asked. Their helmet resembled those of the Mandalorians. I always thought that was silly. But of course I couldn't put it past the Jedi to steal their ideas.
         "That's me." I sighed, holding onto a large bag that I had packed for my time. They told me to pack the necessities and for me, there was a lot.
         The clone trooper grabbed my bag and led me onto the small ship. I assumed we would be traveling to a larger Republic station. It was a simple ship, nothing too fancy. It was old, though. Something I'm sure I once flew back when I trained under the Jedi Order.
         "There's another Skywalker in your ranks. Any relation?" The trooper sparked up a conversation as we took off into the air. My stomach sunk while I gazed out the windows. I would miss my city, but I hoped this wouldn't take too long.
         "Yes. I have a brother, Anakin." I couldn't help the smile on my face as I thought about the once blond haired boy. Our mother was never sure of who either of our dad's were so I always assumed it was the same. It was strange, though, that she never knew our father. In fact, she was never sure about how we even came to be.
         "That could get confusing." He chuckled. He had a nice laugh. It was warm and inviting.
         "Oh, I'm sure we won't be around each other too often. The council will want us as far away from each other as possible. They probably think I'm a bad influence."
         "You certainly have similar taste." He joked. I cocked my head to the side. I didn't quite understand what he was getting at.  
         "Your clothes, I mean." He gestured towards the black cloak that was wrapped around my shoulders. Despite the warm, rising sun of Coruscant, the mornings were still quite cold. "General Skywalker tends to prefer the darker colors as well."
           "Did you say General Skywalker?" He nodded. "He's practically a child. How did he land that position?"
         The clone shrugged and relaxed in his seat as another clone in the same color armor flew the ship.
         "I'm not sure but he's a hell of a leader. His Padawan, Ahoska-"
         "Excuse me, his Padawan? You must be joking!" I smiled as I spoke with the clone. He was easy to talk to.
         "No, I am not. Wish I was, sometimes. Those two are quite the pair."
         I laughed as a darkness had settled in the ship. We finally reached the stars, the glowing, ever changing stars.
         "You know, I never got your name, Commander."
         "Cody. Commander Cody of the 212th Attack Battalion."
         "Well, Cody," I smiled, "relax. We have quite the ride ahead of us."
         And it was quite the ride. Cody told me stories of how he trained with his brothers.
              Brothers.
         The term was endearing. They were able to form a connection with someone right from the beginning. It was nice to know that our soldiers were real men regardless of whether they were all duplicates, grown at a rapid rate. They had feelings and formed connections. It must have been a slip-up on the Jedi's part. I'm sure they formed attachments to their men all the time.
         "General Skywalker, we have arrived." Cody stood, stretching his body from the ride.
         I rolled my eyes and rose from my seat. "Please, call me Aaryn. I don't want things to get too confusing."
         "Aaryn Skywalker." A deeper voice spoke up as the ramp rolled down to the metal floor. "We've been expecting you."
         "Well I'd assume so since you invited me." I looked up to meet the cold stare of Mace Windu. I always wanted to see if I could get him to crack his tough exterior. Today was apparently not that day.
         He sighed, his eyes trailing down to the bag in Cody's hand. "I thought we said to bring only what was necessary."
         "You did. And I brought everything I deemed absolutely essential." I beamed. "I like what you've done with your hair by the way."
         I could see his eye twitch in subtle annoyance, something I deemed a small win. I even earned a chuckle from Cody.
         "Well, what are we waiting for? Shall we get going?" I sauntered down the ramp, expecting to find ourselves in some crowded landing dock, but we weren't. Well, there were plenty of ships but no people. "What? No welcome party? After all those years, I would hope that you'd remember I love to make a grand entrance."
         "We're in a war, Skywalker. We have greater concerns than your welcoming." Windu hissed through his teeth.
         "Aren't you a bundle of sunshine." I rolled my eyes. Windu was never the warmest person, but the war turned him into a complete ass.
         He led us down the cold, metal halls. For some reason, I expected the ship to be just a bit more inviting. After all, we're in a war. Everything else is dark and horrifying, why should the mother ship be the same?
         My face turned down in a small frown as my eyes shifted around. There were kids growing up in this, their childhood turned into a war zone. I couldn't imagine the toll that took on them. I was already afraid of what it would do to me.
         "I'm sure it must be strange for you to be here." Mace Windu spoke calmly beside me. "It is strange for us as well. We did not want to call you in."
         "It was weird to receive the notice." I spoke honestly. Being here was weird. Hearing from the Jedi Order, however, was even weirder. I'm still not sure how they managed to find me in the first place.
         "You've heard all about the war, I assume."
         "Please, it's all anyone talks about." I chuckled. "Besides, it's great to rub it in all of your faces that after all this time, you called me back."
         Mace stopped in the hall, turning quickly on his heel to face me. His dark eyes narrowed as they met my brown ones. "Now Aaryn-"
         "I know, be civil." I smiled and played with the loose strands of hair that fell down my shoulders. It, too, was a dark brown. Someone once told me that I simply didn't look the part of a Jedi. My aura was tainted, dark.
         I glanced around the hall again, avoiding Windu's eyes. No one was there but the Master Jedi and I. The walls were bright but cold and plain. I suppose that was the 'Jedi way.'
         "Commander Cody brought your things to your quarters. You can explore that later once it's time to settle down. Since you're so antsy to meet everyone, I'll introduce you to who you'll be working with."
         "Of course. Who needs time to relax." I rolled my eyes, receiving another stern glare from Windu.
         "You have had eleven years of rest." He snapped and ushered me along the sad hall.
         My eyes wandered once we entered a large meeting room. There were clone troopers everywhere. Before Cody, I had never seen one so close. Soon enough, I'd be working with entire squadrons of them. Was I truly fit to lead an entire battalion of men into a war? I wasn't a Jedi, not anymore. I wasn't trained for something like this.
         "Captain Rex." Windu addressed one of the troopers that stood around a large hologram of a separatist-occupied planet. His armor was painted a vibrant blue, a stark contrast to the white and gray. What color would represent my men? "I'd like you to meet General Skywalker. You've been notified of her presence, I assume."
         "General Skywalker?" He chortled. "I don't think so."
         "And why not?" My smile turned into a scowl at his mockery. Or, what I assumed was mockery. Did I not seem capable of being a General? My hand reached for the brown and silver hilt on my hip. Surely that would prove this trooper wrong.
         "Excuse me, ma'am, but General Skywalker has been with us for quite a while now."
         "Oh." The word barely left my mouth in a whisper as I dropped my hand back to my side. "You mean Anakin."
         "Yes." He spoke quietly. It sounded more like a question than a statement.
         Mace scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "You mean to tell me that Anakin has not told you about Aaryn's arrival?"
         "You're Aaryn? Anakin talks about you all the time but never about you being here." Rex laughed lightly. It was so similar to Cody's but that shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did.
         "I told him to do one thing." Windu grumbled to himself. "Where is he-"
         "Aaryn?" I heard a voice behind us. There was a tall man dressed in all dark robes. I had never seen a Jedi dressed in such a way - well, not since I was one. His hair was a light brown, wavy and soft. He wore a bright smile across his face, matching his beaming blue eyes.
         I recognized his eyes, first. They were similar and gave me a subtle sense of déjà vu. Honestly, I was ashamed of how long it took me to recognize him. It had been so long since I'd seen him, but I would never forget the eyes of my baby brother.
         "Anakin." I smiled. Before I knew it, he rushed towards me and crushed me in a tight hug. He had grown so much, standing nearly 8 inches taller than me. I returned the embrace with what strength I had left from his suffocating hold. "You're going to crush me."
         "Sorry." He let out a nervous laugh and stepped back, his eyes darting from mine to the undoubtedly angry glare of Mace Windu. "It's been a while."
         "It has. I mean, just look at you! You're a general now? Who decided it was a smart idea to give you that rank?"
         "All Jedi Knights became Generals once the war started. The council thought I was ready to graduate from my training." He smiled proudly. My smile, however, was lost.
         Only nineteen and he was already a Jedi Knight. How was he so different than me? I was 20 and they told me I still wasn't ready.
         Oh.
              Right.
       He was the chosen one. A title that once belonged to me.
         "I doubt I'll compare to you, though, General Skywalker." He joked, giving me a small nudge in the ribs with his elbow.
         "You forget that I've gone eleven years without training. I'll struggle keeping up with you and your Padawan that I am so excited to meet!"
         Anakin rolled his eyes at the mention of his Padawan. I still couldn't believe that he was training someone. "If you think you'll struggle with us, just wait till you see Obi Wan on the battlefield."
         "Obi Wan?" My eyes lifted at the mention of the name. It felt foreign on my tongue.
         "Did someone call for me?" An auburn haired man stepped into the room, dressed from head to toe in earthy robes. His blue eyes were soft and once they landed on me, grew wide in an emotion I couldn't quite detect. Fear? Remembrance?
         I'm surprised I recognized him, really. He changed so much in the last eleven years but then again, so did I. His Padawan braid was long gone and his short hair was grown out and swooped to the side neatly. A soft, red beard adorned his handsome face. I must say, he looked good with it.
         "Master, look who it is!" Anakin wrapped an arm around my shoulders, looking to me with a subtle wiggle of his eyebrows.
         "I see." Obi Wan breathed out. His back was straight, his entire posture was as stiff as a board. I wanted to run into his arms just as Anakin had done but I was sure that wouldn't be well-received by the other Jedi. Instead, I smiled a fake, but confident smile and held my hand out towards the man.
         "It's nice to see you again, Obi Wan."
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