#on top of that i am unemployed again! and also have to find a new job before i have to move out of my apartment bc my roommate is moving

[fategoflatass]

My Fall 2023 Watchlist & Opinions

Welcome to the comeback of my reviews that no one expected! But hey, I think this would be a nice practice for me to develop my writing skills and my critical thinking (?).

Take in consideration this post will be long because #unemployed, so everything will be under the cut.

Ready or not (I sure am not), here I go!

Atarashii Joushi wa Dotennen

Comedy, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆¾

After an atrocious experience with an abusive boss, Momose decides to switch workplaces. Used to such a toxic environment, he never expected his new superior to be so goofy!

The most wholesome show you'll find this season, and one of the most I've seen in general!

The work environment is pretty much paradise, each and every character being the living representation of the sweetest and most tender cotton candy you'll be able to find.

While the comedy mostly relies on Shirosaki's sillyness, it never gets old. Alongside the laughs, you'll find yourself aww-ing to many, many scenes.

Also, the series is conscious of the way people takes it (no, this is not a BL) and dedicates some scenes to it by giving different double meaning scenarios (they're all wholesome, no need to worry about that). Just a heads up, in case you're not into this kind of thing.

Want to know more? There's a canonical bisexual character in it! And here I was thinking that we didn't exist for Japan.

Totally recommend for those gloomy days, or even when you just need to shut off your brain.

Dr. STONE: NEW WORLD Part 2

Action, Adventure, Comedy, Sci-Fi // ☆☆☆☆

No summary due to spoilers.

I don't think there's much I can say about this one? I mean, unless I want to spoil someone, and I'm not a spoiler kind of person so...

For those curious about my experience, I'm enjoying myself very much! I decided to give it a try since my best friend loves it, and I liked it so much I quickly got up to date with it.

Now, do I understand every single thing they talk about? Hell nah, do you know how many times I failed chemistry and physics?!

But besides that, this show is a pretty wild and fun ride. And not only the previous parts, but also this one! Again, don't feel like making spoilers but the quality hasn't lacked not even a little bit. The characters are still as charismatic and funny as they've always been, and the plot keeps getting more and more interesting as it progresses.

Only thing I can say without explicitly spoiling anything: one of these days, Gen will end up messing with the wrong people. Can't tell you what tells me that, but he's messy enough for me to be unable to think otherwise.

Hametsu no Oukoku

Action, Drama, Fantasy // ☆☆

Once benerated due to their wisdom, witches are now being hunted down by humans who accuse them of impeding the progress of civilization. Adonis, a human raised by a witch, swears revenge against those who took his mentor from him.

CW: instances of extreme violence, forced non-sexual public partial nudity

Yes, I watched this one. Yes, it's an edgy one. No, it's not fun.

As someone who's always down to anything that has to do with fantasy, magic and supernatural beings, as well as being able to enjoy the trashiest things in life, I had some hope in the plot. Not in the way that it might be actually good, but in the way that it could be so bad I could get some laughs out of it. Sadly, this series takes itself quite seriously.

Which wouldn't be a problem if it weren't because it isn't even that good. The characters are plain, the episodes feel longer than they should, and there are times where you can see it go all over the top.

A pet peeve I have is when certain abilities/powers have ridiculous names, and this show does that to a tee by giving them some of the dumbest/edgiest (not exclusionary) names I've seen in a while.

"Do they even have to do with what each witch's magic is supposed to be?" I ask to the void in utter confusion.

"Absolutely not, but doesn't it sound rad?!" an easily impressed twelve-year-old exclaims from the grades.

Anyway, wouldn't recommend this show to anyone unless you're looking for an edgy power fantasy where characters die in gruesome ways not even five minutes after being introduced, magic type and all.

Also, can someone explain to me what does it mean to have "Natural Law" magic?

Hikikomari Kyuuketsuki no Monmon

Action, Comedy, Fantasy // ☆☆¼

After three years of becoming a total shut-in, Komari wakes up to find out she's the newest Commander in the Mulnite Imperial Army! Although she's descendant of a pretty powerful vampire family, she's rather inept when it comes to magic, even finding blood disgusting. Will her, alonside her maid, be able to make her path to success, or is failure awaiting for her around the corner?

Damn, this one took its sweet time to take off, only to crash and burn because the method was so cliché and overused.

The first three to four episodes are boring and not interesting at all, characters are bland as a wet piece of cardboard and the comedy excels at falling flat.

(Mild spoilers ahead, because I couldn't care less about this one)

And now you mean to tell me your seemlingly powerless main character is actually OP, only that under hypnosis? I didn't need to be a hound to be able to smell that crap from miles away, now did I?

But let's leave that aside to talk about Vil, A.K.A Male Gaze 101. I understand why she's attached to the protagonist, don't get me wrong, but did she need to sexually harass the protagonist or...? Also, how could I forget about the time where she almost forced Komari to pee herself in front of her!

Bro, if I were to know this was an omorashi hentai wannabe I wouldn't have given it a chance.

Anyways, if you're into any of the things I've mentioned previously, then enjoy yourself. This anime's definitely not for me.

Kamierabi

Action, Drama, Psychological, Supernatural // ☆½

A group of high schoolers see themselves forced to fight each other to death for the coveted title of God. Who will emerge victorious and claim their godly throne?

You have no right to ask that in the summary when you spoil the results in the first minutes of the first episode.

Let's be honest, if anyone is talking about this series is because Yoko Taro's name served as free promo. But did you know he's credited, not for the story, but for the concept of it? Big yikes, huh?

If you are a three-episode-rule kind of person, I assure you won't be needing that for this anime. One episode is enough torture, trust me.

The first minute is there to make sure you understand this story is different, is mature. There are no friendships, no love interests, only tons of suffering and betrayals. You know, what people back in 2011 probably went for when Mirai Nikki first aired.

Characters are not only boring as hell, but their designs are nothing to die for, heavely based on their assigned colors because you'll be forgetting their names the minute after they get introduced.

Fun fact: If you pay enough attention, you'll be able to see their phone cases' designs. Not only they look ugly, but they also spoil their so secretive abilities!

Speaking of character design, did you know the one in charge of it didn't even bother to create background character's templates? They all look like gray extraterrestrial things trying to pass as human beings, their never changing facial expressions being the cherry on top. This might be one edgy way of showing they don't matter to the main story, but it just feels super lazy. Also, this... artistic choice is just another spoiler, since everyone who has some sort of relevance has an established design. But oh well.

Fun fact: Every single one of these NPCs are gray, expect for a couple of them in episode six who are red and blue. One of them is the bad guy, can you guess who?

In summary, this show is utter trash. Wouldn't recommend unless you're as messed up as I am and like to watch crappy productions.

Kamonohashi Ron no Kindan Suiri

Drama, Mystery // ☆☆☆¾

When police office Totomaru is assigned to a serial killer case, he turns to Kamonohashi Ron for help—a once considered genius who, after a fatal mistake, got himself expelled from the top detective training academy and was forbidden to become one.

This is your classic detective show with the more normal character having to learn how to deal with the more eccentric one who's always really good at deducing. And I love it.

Yeah, it might be a copycat of other series with the same dynamics (like many other mystery anime), but they're all still dear to my heart. I just love them, man!

Every case they've introduced until now have been interesting and fun. It's been entertainting trying to think by myself what happened, who might be the culprit, how did they do it and why. As always, it's especially cool when you get close enough or, even better, when you were in the right. Serotonin kicks like those are always appreciated.

The dynamic between the protagonists is also really fun, Ron's shenanigans never getting old. Totomaru might not be having the time of his life, but I sure am!

If you're a fan of these kind of shows, then I totally recommend! If you're tired of the same scheme over and over again, maybe not so much. Would be nice if you'd give it a try, though!

Kanojo mo Kanojo Season 2

Comedy, Ecchi, Romance, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆¼

After their hot springs trip, Naoya continues his relationships with both Saki and Nagisa. Alongside Milika and Shino, they embark on a summer vacation full of romance with a fireworks festival, camping, and Okinawa. Chaos ensured.

There are not many series that touch upon polyamory which saddens me to a fault. The closest to this concept would be harem series, but a polyamorous relationship should never be a competition to see which whom does your "shared partner" choose to spend the rest of their life with.

While KanoKano isn't the best representation of this type of relationships (Saki often feeling like she's competing against Nagisa), it's not a bad series? Or, at least, not that bad. Rather decent, actually.

It's not boring, although it isn't the most entertaining series either. If I had to decide between KanoKano and any other series that touches upon polyamory (even if they do it with the tip of a stick, miles apart of the concept), I would probably go for Hamefura's canonical (albeit not in the way I would like it to be) Katarina fan club.

I just feel something's... wrong, you know. I get Naoya loves them both and that, in theory, both of them understand that, but I can't help feeling uncomfortable when Saki mentions this supposed competition the girls have (and the way they treat polyamory as "two timing" when that would imply it wasn't consensual?).

Besides that, it's a decent series to watch whenever you're bored. Not a masterpiece, but is not like it's trying to be one.

UPDATE: Rating has been lowered to ☆ as of 11/10/23. Visit the reblog section for more.

Kimi no Koto ga Dai Dai Dai Dai Daisuki na 100-nin no Kanojo

Comedy, Romance // ☆☆☆☆

Rentarou has been rejected a total of 100 times throught his entire life. Is when he visits a shrine and prays for better luck when he meets the God of Love. He reveals to Rentarou that he'll get to date 100 women in the foreseeable future. The catch is, once he meets them they must happily love each other. Otherwise, they'll die. What will be of Rentarou and his 100 girlfriends during high school?

He has arrived. The man, the legend. The harem protagonist of all harem protagonists.

Rentarou Aijou has arrived, and he's here to make you and your wife part of his loveable and excessively numerous family.

As I mentioned when talking about KanoKano, I've been looking for series that touch upon polyamory. And if you're like me, then you've just hit the jackpot!

While I'm conscious 100Kano is a parody of harem series and was never meant to be taken seriously, the way none of these girls are competing for the protagonist's exclusive love is refreshing. They're actually a pretty big family, always supportive of each other and down to give each other a hand or two (or twenty, if needed). They'll do anything they can to make their boyfriend the happiest man alive, and so will he with them.

There're no favoritisms whatsoever. Such concept as "the first one to arrive gets to win" does not exist in his agenda. In Rentarou (and every single one of his girlfriends)'s mind, everyone wins because everyone is his favorite.

An excellent series to watch by yourself or with your pals in case you're looking for something silly and easy to digest.

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto

Drama, Mystery // ☆☆☆☆¼

CW: infant death, classism, self-harm, kidnapping

Maomao lived a peaceful life with her apothecary father. Until one day, she’s sold as a lowly servant to the emperor’s palace. When rumours about imperial heirs falling ill surfaces, she puts her knowledge in medicinal herbs and poison to good use and finds a cure. It's then when she catches the eye of Jinshi, a handsome palace official who promotes her. The series follows Maomao as she solves numerous mysteries.

I can't explain just how excited I was for this one. As I said before, I love mysteries, but I also really like historical series. So when you mix both genres, you get characters who try to solve various cases with only the means they had yesterday.

Besides the art being drop dead gorgeous (alongside every single lady who makes an appearance in the story), the story is engaging and so much fun. The episodes are already a bit shorter than usual (albeit not for much, it's just me being petty), but the way everything develops makes it feel like they last no more than five minutes.

And Maomao—God Maomao! She's one of the best female main characters I've seen as of recently. She's not lacking personality—she actually has way too much, and I love that. She's so clever and capable at what she does, I bet it'd be so much fun to just stare at her as she picks different herbs or just stays still for hours, trapped in her thoughts.

I'm a sucker for good relationship dynamics and the one between Maomao and Jinshi is just *chef's kiss* exquisit. The way he's constantly trying to seduce her and she just stares at him in apathy or disgust (bonus for when she brushes off the places where he'd placed his hand on) are golden. I also love how what started as teasing and doubt about the other's true intentions morphs into genuine interest and maybe, just maybe, a tiny itty crush.

A pretty strong contestant for anime of the year, in my opinion.

Megumi no Daigo: Kyuukoku no Orange

Action, Drama // ☆☆☆½

The series follows three young firefighters who share the same goal—becoming members of the special rescue corps known as "Orange". We'll follow them from their early training days to the day they face the crisis that'll push Japan at the brink of collapsing.

I don't know about you, but I've never seen a series focused on firefighters. Yes, I know about Promare and Fire Force, but those aren't "real" firefighters, if you know what I mean.

Where's their daily life at the station, their training—just everything that comes with being one of them? I don't want flashy fight scenes against angsty twinks, I want to see people getting rescued from collapsed buildings and cats getting saved from trees.

Along with interesting characters and tense situations, all these making it difficult for you to not empatize with, Megumi no Daigo is here to bring us a peek on how the real deal is—with both the good, the bad and the ugly.

This anime is confirmed to be the prequel to a movie released in the 90's, so there's even more content in case you're interested!

Migi to Dali

Comedy, Drama, Mystery, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆

Twin brothers Migi and Dali pretend to be the Sonoyama's adoptive son, Hitori, in order to find out the truth behind their mother's death.

CW: (prepare your bingo cards) *inhales* forced non-sexual infantilization, forced partial nudity, forced non-sexual pet play, bullying, implied murder, classism, forced eating, non-sexual groping, surveillance, invasion of privacy, kidnapping and imprisonment. ~95% of these happen to a minor, so yeah.

While the main focus of the first two episodes was the comedy (it's still present in the rest of the series, just not as much), I didn't find it especially hilarious? It does give off Sakamoto vibes at times, but it never makes me laugh as much as the author's previous work did.

The mystery is still there, thought, and that's what keeps me coming back. The suspense surronding the twins' mother's passing is engaging, you genuinely want to find out what happened there and how the place where they've moved and its habitants are involved in the case.

Now, as I mentioned before this anime is disturbing and thus can be highly triggering for some. So please beware before giving it a chance.

Overtake!

Drama, Sports // ☆☆☆¾

Kouya is a professional photographer who, due to past circumstances, gave up his passion for taking pictures of people. But his fate changes the day he meets Komaki Motors, a family-run shop that regularly competes in F4 along with their only racer, Haruka.

CW: implied death (car accident)

Sports anime of the season, let's go! This time, about car racing. Never watched an anime like this one before, although I know Initial D is out there. I just haven't watched it... yet.

To be honest, I didn't expect to connect with the characters to this level. I got hooked to the story from day one and has been like that ever since.

The story is fun, the races will have you at the edge of your seat while cheering for your favorite team.

Because yes, I think the rival team can also be cheered on! Maybe their main face might not be the bestest guy, but Toshiki does deserve everything in this world and so much more.

And when it comes to the drama, it never comes out as over the top. Every single reason for them thinking, responding or acting the way they do makes total sense given their past ciscumstances.

Speaking of the characters, everyone here has enough personality to be separated from the rest: Haruka's overachieving and at times harsh demeanor makes a good contrast with Koutaro's more calm and playful behavior. And while Satsuki's charismatic, conceited and women-loving persona might be a pain for many, Toshiki serves as a good companion with his serious and ambitions being. And I could mention the adults, but I think you catch my vibe.

I so recommend this one!

Seijo no Maryoku wa Bannou desu Season 2

Fantasy, Romance, Slice of Life // ☆☆☆½

We follow Sei, an office worker in her twenties who was suddenly summoned to another world as a "Saint". Taking advantage of her natural love of plants, she started working at a medicinal plant research institute. We also get to meet Albert Hawke, with whom she's more than friends but less than lovers.

Season two arrived and I have yet to rewatch the first one, although I think it might be a little too late for that.

Don't go into it expecting a wonderful series because it is not (or, at least, it isn't for me). It's a pretty neat feel good series, but definitely nothing out of the ordinary. Just nice people living their lives.

Sei and Albert's relationship is as wholesome as always, I appreciate them taking their time and not rushing into making things official. It feels, I don't know... adult.

There's literally not much I can say about this one other than I would recommend for those who are looking for a nice and relaxing shoujo.

Shangri-La Frontier

Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Sci-Fi // ☆☆☆¾

Rakuro is a "crap-game hunter"—a strong aficionado to clearing buggy and just straight up bad titles that aren't even compatible with the now more frequently used VR technology. The game he's chosen to tackle next is the widely aclaimed "Shangri-La Frontier" that counts with thirty million players and counting. Little did he know this decision would change his fate alongside with many other players he meets along the way!

I can barely count the times I had this much fun while watching a series, and I can count even less the occasions where a gaming-inspired anime made me feel this great!

I've found myself dumbfounded so many times at just how detailed Shangri-La Frontier is. It's obvious there was research behind it, the author's a straight up legend for dedicating so much time and passion to something others would've easily disregarded as another basic, boring ass medieval-inspired MMORPG.

The level of character customization (you can even modify their origins like ‼), the many monsters you find along the way, and tons of easter eggs that players have yet to find in their entirety! It's my first time saying this when it comes to gaming-centered anime, but holy hell I wished this game existed IRL!

And honestly, I identify with Rakuro a bit too much when it comes to enjoying crap. In his case, are bad games. In mine, bad anime. I would love to have a chat with him and share our experiences and disgraces that come with this harsh hobby.

SHY

Action, Drama // ☆☆☆½

When we needed them the most, they appeared! As we were on the brink of World War Three, individuals with superpowers appeared all around the planet with the only mission to mantain peace. They would eventually become symbols of their nations, their presence being enough to lower the crime rates. Teru, most known as Shy, is Japan's heroine. When a mysterious and menacing association called Amalareiks surfaces, Shy must join forces with her fellow superheroes to stop their plans, all while dealing with her shyness and, overall, her teenage life.

CW: violence, death, self hatred, intrusive thoughts

Would it be cool to call it the more mature version of Boku no Hero Academia?

I had the manga for this series on my pending list for a while and when I saw an anime adaptation was coming out, not gonna lie, I got quite excited.

Now, I have to admit it's not one of my favorite series this season. It might be the pacing that sometimes gives me the feeling the episodes are, although just a little bit, longer than they actually are.

I love the concept and how it's executed, I really like the characters and the setting in which they're established. The drama they all have feels realistic and you can easily empathise with them. In my case, Teru's constant conflict with herself hit a little bit too close to home.

I would recommend it to those who're looking for a more mature series while also wanting to watch shounen-esque scenarios.

Sousou no Frieren

Adventure, Drama, Fantasy // ☆☆☆☆½

The adventure's over. The Demon King has successfully been defeated and thus Frieren and her fellow adventurers make their way back home. Now a highly regarded mage, she goes back to her slow-paced life only to realize years later, while attending Himmel's funeral, how short human's life expectancy is when compared with her own near inmortality. Frieren then makes the decision to begin a new adventure in the search of new absurd spells and friends alongside whom she expects to understand what life means to them and just how impactful can be what she perceives as nothing more than an instant.

CW: death, grief, mild violence

Oh Lord, this one's painful. I've no idea how they managed to do it, but they got me attached to the hero's party so quickly and so deeply this crap had already scarred me on episode one.

This story's gorgeous, I don't think I have to explain myself on that. Besides the more than stunning art, animation and music that acompannies us during the entirety of Frieren's self-discovery adventure, the slow pace and quiet moments are quite the delight.

The characters we meet along the way are also fantastic, written with such love, thought and care behind you'll fall for them in no time.

I truly don't want to talk much about it since I think this is an experience that one must live for themselves, but trust me when I tell you this is something you'll never forget.

SPY×FAMILY Season 2

Action, Comedy, Slice of Life, Supernatural // ☆☆☆☆

The same as season one, only that now the family's heading on a cruise ship expedition!

I don't think there's much I can say about this one? The second season's been giving the same vibes I got from the first one, so a wholesome, found family-centered comedic slice of life about three persons who don't know each other at all and do their best so that situation never changes.

Anya keeps on being the chaotic menace she has been from day one, Yor is still one of the best mothers ever alongside a woman I would never dare look for a fight against, and Loid keeps on repeating his more than iconic mantra as he unsuspectingly falls asleep while dreaming about certain woman surrounded by a zillion flowers.

But, you know, anything for the mission.

When it comes to the upcoming arc, I'm excited for seeing Yor at work! Been dying to get anything like this, and I'm so glad my prayers have been heard.

Undead Unluck

Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi, Supernatural // ☆☆☆¾

All Fuuko wants is a passionate romance like the one in her favorite shoujo manga. Sadly, her Unluck ability deems this dream impossible. But that anguish will have to wait because Andy, someone with the Undead ability, takes her as his test subject to see if, thanks to her misfortune, he can finally rest in peace. It seems peace has never been an option, though, because certain secret organization has begun chasing after them.

CW: not-quite-concenting groping

If I took my sweet time to start watching this series was mainly because, for some hell of a reason, it gave me big Mashle vibes. Don't ask, I just thought the comedy would be similar. And since my humble opinion on Harry Potter 2.0 is that it has its humour stuck up its ass, you might understand I gave an olympic jump over Undead Unluck.

But then I decided to give it a chance and man, Mashle would never!

Not the funniest series I've watched, but I appreciate the multiple laughs it gave me.

Now, what I do not appreciate are the various groping scenes. If Fuuko were to consent all of those, then cool. Who am I to judge whatever two consenting adults (Fuuko's 20+, right?) do with their lives and bodies? The thing is, not every groping is consented by her, especially at the beggining. So yeah, beware of that.

Putting that aside, the characters are pretty cool and so much fun to see fighting or just interacting with each other. The ability system the series has is rather interesting, would love to learn more about it.

Watashi no Oshi wa Akuyaku Reijou

Comedy, Fantasy, Romance // ☆☆☆½

We've heard this story before: girl reincarnates into her favorite otome game and, since she knows her way down every route, she gets to win over her favorite bachelor. Only that, this time, it might not be as predictable. After all, who knows what's truly inside Rae Taylor's mind? Claire François for sure doesn't, especially now that she's going after her—the game's villainess!

CW: discussions of homophobia, classism, rae can be creepy at times

In the words of @arataka-reigen, “This anime is like if Maria from Hamefura was the one who got isekai'd and then fell in love with OG Katarina”. Couldn't say it better, pal.

While this series is not one of my favorites this season, the characters not going right down my alley and the pacing not being the best, I truly appreciate the cafeteria scene. I've never seen such a discussion over diverse sexualities adn homophobia in an anime before, and I can only clap to that.

And not only that, but it seems like it's going down a rather... interesting path. I mean, the whole classism that's present during the series, the "commoner" students' complains, the game's title being "Revolution"... I smell something nice.

Yuzuki-san Chi no Yon Kyoudai

Comedy, Drama, Slice of life // ☆☆☆¾

From the day the Yuzuki brothers lost both their parents, Hayato never stopped taking care of his little siblings, making sure all their needs are met and nothing's lacking. They share tears, laughter, and a specially unbreakeable bond.

I've no idea what might be the reason, but all these stories about family (whether related by blood or not being quite irrelevant) alongside the others where they include and/or center around pets are my weakness.

The four brothers feel like actual humans beings, their dramatic and joyful moments in life will definitely take you for a ride althought, admitely, it might not be the most intense one.

Hayato would do literally anything for his family and, honestly, same. Both Mikoto, Minato, and Gakuto are downright adorable and would love to pinch every single one of those cheeks like there's no tomorrow.

If a cutsie family-center slice of life it's what you're looking for, look no further. But if what you want is a drama in general, then I would recommend Frieren first.

If you reached the end, thank you so much for reading! I literally stayed up til 2 AM to finish writing this (and I didn't even include the titles I dropped), so yeah. Highly appreciate!

#sousou no frieren #undead unluck #100kano #kusuriya no hitorigoto #dr stone #spy x family #kanojo mo kanojo #shangri la frontier #watashi no oshi wa akuyaku reijou #shy anime #migi to dali #overtake anime #kamierabi #yuzuki san chi no yon kyoudai #megumi no daigo #hametsu no oukoku #atarashii joushi wa do tennen #hikikomari kyuuketsuki no monmon #kamonohashi ron no kindan suiri #long post #fall 2023

[veritable-trash]

You Know The Rules

look at that stupid slutty mustache... god please answer my prayers just this once

Pairing: Finnegan(Everybody Wants Some!!) x Fem!Reader

Summary: God you hate him.

Word Count: 2K

Rating: M - mainly for drugs babayyyyy, weed, that good, otherwise it's pretty clean in these sheets(this time around)

A/N: haha. no one asked for this. but listen! all my glen powell sloots we need to remember the original. sweet daddy finnegan. mustached, shaggy haired, 80s baseball player i mean i couldn't have written a sluttier man if i tried. this movie isn't the greatest, but the music is dope, the outfits are cute, and it serves as a public service announcement that men need to start wearing crop tops IMMEDIATELY. this is a petition for men to start dressing like sluts again so i can finally be at peace. anyways this is completely and utterly self serving but the glen powell top gun resurgence just kept reminding me that this is peak glen to me. give me mustaches or give me death!

sorry that i haven't written... or literally done anything of value in an eon. my brain has given up and also i moved and am currently unemployed and am about to go travel for three months and want to write but have zero inspiration and tumblr makes me sad because everyone is so good at writing and i am a troll under a bridge. this is me trying to release the need to produce things of "value" because does that even mean anymore? i hope someone finds this a little fun because honestly i kinda did :) hugs and kisses <;33333

tell me what you think! i'm literally begging! on my hands and knees! the desperation is palpable yeesh

masterlist yay yay!!!

~~~~~

College.

What a fucking heinous place. Filled with suffocating expectations, the constant need to pretend you’re someone you’re not because of everyone else’s supposed opinions of you. 

It made you want to vomit. 

And yet here you were, cowering in the corner of the kitchen at this stupid, lame, awful college party. A baseball party no less. Those absolute heathens. Probably the worst category of men on this campus by about 20 miles and you were definitely counting. 

The joint you haphazardly rolled in the absolutely disgusting bathroom crackles between your lips as you try to tune out every single person here and catch the steady baseline of the song playing hoping that that will somehow lull you into a state of calm.

This new weed sucked shit. All stems, all seeds, and got you high for about 30 seconds. You were going to kill Willoughby when you saw him. Honestly the only baseball player in this house you liked and even he was about to get moved right onto the shit list with the rest of the men of this house. 

Your friends had badgered you endlessly all week to ask Willoughby for the invite, not that you really need to even ask him. Girls? More than one? The baseball boys were already salivating like it was their last meal on death row.

The standards in this place were in the fucking basement. 

Some would call you a pessimist. Angry, bitchy, snippy, negative, the whole gambit and they might be right. But college was a fucking weird ass place that made your skin crawl and your anxiety spike and all you wanted to do was smoke your green, pass your classes, and watch your cartoons in peace, please and thank you. 

And then his voice cut through your slow building haze like a serrated knife on a chalkboard. Made of sandpaper.

“Sweetheart! I thought Willoughby mentioned you’d be here, and why am I not surprised you’re toking it up alone in our kitchen, my favorite little stoner weirdo.”

Finnegan.

The absolute ultimate fuck. 

Mustached, wide shoulders, shaggy blonde, crisp baby blues, he was everything your vagina yearned for until he opened his stupid mouth. And of course that was just as pretty as the rest of him too. 

You’d met him for the first time freshman year. Fresh faced and thinking the world was truly your oyster, he’d popped into your life in intro to philosophy and swept you away with his silky, fancy words and the fact that he looked like that. 

He’d invited you to the first baseball party you’d ever gone to and made you a special promise that he would be your knight in shining armor for the night. That he’d be waiting for your arrival, was counting down the minutes till you showed up at his door and he could dance the night away with you.

That was until you saw him sucking face with Tracy. Who was also in your intro to philosophy class. 

Obviously, you’d hated him to his core ever since. 

But for some reason he’d stuck around. Always kept tabs on you, always had a class with you, always found you at any party, bar, disco, literally fucking anywhere and it made you want to tear your hair out. 

He was your pretty boy kryptonite and you needed him to leave you the fuck alone.

“Oh Finny. Finny, Finnegan, fuckhead. You know I thought I’d somehow be able to avoid you tonight but it seems like my stalker persists no matter the obstacles.”

Smoke trickles from between your clenched teeth and he has the audacity to stare at your lips and grin.

Fucking grin!!!

“You wound me princess. Ain’t even gonna share that little pinner of yours, I mean the absolute cruelty of it all.”

The grins still blazing on his lips but in Finn fashion he has to play up his part. 

Clutching at his pearls, leaning against the kitchen counter like you’d just stabbed him straight through. Your eyes roll so far back in your head they almost launch themselves out of your skull. 

“No Finn, I’m not gonna share with the likes of you. Go find Will and get him to roll you one, he’s the one I got the weed from anyways. Or maybe go find some other poor unsuspecting girl to do the deed for you, but you ain’t getting shit from me. You know the rules sweet Finny: ass, cash, or grass and god only knows I ain’t taking any of those three from you.” 

You regret those last few words the second they enter the air between you.

Because Finnegan’s eyes drop straight to your mouth again and now he’s crowding you into the corner of the counter. 

“Oh sweetheart if you just let me show you what this ass can do I think you would be singing quite a different tune. You think I’m all bravado and show but you and I both know the two of us could be quite a duo. I just know you’re absolutely unreal beneath that veneer of hatred you slap on.”

He’s still staring at your lips, the joint hanging limply between them as you try and control your breath and not cough up a lung. 

Two can play this fucking game.

You take a thick drag, the tip burning bright orange and crackling like cinders and his eyes only deepen in shade. The smoke curls out and up into your nose and he stares at you his jaw dropping a little slack as you play him like the fucking fiddle he is. 

“Finn.” Your index finger trails up his arm as you ash the joint in the sink, and you can feel the muscles of his bicep twitch with the contact. “If you think I’m gonna let you touch me you’ve lost your god damn mind. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go find some peace and quiet. Away from you.”

Your voice is sticky sweet and he barely registers that you’re telling him off for the millionth time tonight until you’re traipsing out of the kitchen at lightning speed before you do something else you’ll regret. 

He got too fucking close this time around. You let him get too fucking close. 

Your feet stomp quick up the stairs to the only safe place you’d ever been able to find in this house. 

The roof. That blissful open space, like the crispest breath of fresh air it tasted almost minty. Your hands dig into your pockets looking for your weed, your lighter, and your rolling papers-

Fuck.

Of course you’d forgotten papers, predicable as always and fucking annoying as hell and you’re about to turn back down the stairs when your eyes land on something sitting on the windowsill. 

Finn’s wood pipe. 

You loved to hate it but it was his calling card. Stupid and quirky and so perfectly him that the sight of it made you heart twist just a little. 

Not that you would ever fucking admit that. 

Well beggars can’t be chooser as they say. 

It’s deceptively crisp out on the roof as you shuffle around other groups till you get to your super secret corner on the far side of the house. No one ever seems to want to venture this far and you could smoke in peace and tranquility as the rest of the party raged somewhere far, far away. 

The bowls packed, green just catching a smolder and you have to admit the stupid Sherlock Holmes pipe is kinda fun. Maybe you’d leave a fresh bowl packed for sweet Finn as a secret thank you gift. 

Maybe this weed was stronger than you thought. 

“Alrighty first you don’t share your joint, then you verbally assault me in my own house, and now you’re smoking out of my pipe? You really are trying to start a fight with me this evening now aren’t ya?”

Your eyes are red rimmed and your brain has that pleasant haze coating every synapse and you can’t find it in you anymore to really fight Finn right now. The stars look too damn good and the tree has hit too damn deep to let your hackles rise.

“You know maybe I’ve been giving you a bit of a hard time, but you damn well deserve it.” You smile around the pipe as you take another drag, but this time you pass it to Finn as he sits down just a little closer than usual. 

His fingers snag against yours as you pass it and you both flinch a bit at the contact, sparkles zipping up your arms.

He stays quiet this time around, pulling puffs as you both watch people flit around the grass below you, the party continuing into this seemingly never ending night. 

Friday’s, they really were something.

Your knees knock, fingers catching again as he passes the pipe back to you. Another pull fills your lungs and you lean back, back, back until your back presses down on the cool paneling of the roof and you let the smoke drift up and away among those pretty little stars. 

“Finn you can just be so fucking annoying sometimes, I just wanna shut you up for like five seconds so we can all take a fucking breather.”

He laughs at that. Real and deep, curling around the base of your spine as he turns to stare down at you and the feeling spreads all the way to your fingertips. All the way to your toes.

“I’m well aware, but it’s sorta a part of my charm. I’m just waiting for it to final start charming you.”

Your eyes click to his, haze lifting for a split moment, and his eyes twinkle almost brighter than the stars. 

“That’s such a fucking line and you know that shit doesn’t work on me. Fool me once and all of that jazz.” But you can’t stop staring at him and now his eyes color puzzled, a little hazy as he tries to decipher your words. “Oh come on, freshman year? You invited me to the party with all your fancy little words that you love to spin for me to only find you eating Tracy’s lips straight off her face? Honestly she still talks about that night to this day so I guess in a weird way kudos to you but man that did sting a bit.”

You chuckle around another pull and you go to pass it back but he’s clearly no longer interested in that. He seems very intent on memorizing every detail of your face under the stars and you can’t help but wiggle a little under his hyper focused gaze. 

“I-I didn’t know that you were there that night. McReynolds told me you’d left with some dude and Tracy was more than willing to fill in that blank.”

Oh fuck.

You’re both just staring at each other as moment after moment click like puzzles pieces. Every snippy comment, every lingering glance, every class, every time you just happened to run into each other all no longer strange coincidences and some secret hatred. Every little moment stitching itself together till it left just you and Finn. 

And there’s that fucking grin again.

But it’s softer this time, a little less sleazy and a little more lovely and now you’re sure his eyes are brighter than any star. 

Your own lips tick up with a soft, nervous smile.

His fingers card between yours and he brings your knuckles up to his lips, stupid mustache tickling your skin in ways that make you shiver. 

“I feel like nows the time to return to my earlier question since you finally shared some of that green with me, so what do I owe ya? Ass, cash, or more grass?”

You snort into the air between you and his grin splits into a megawatt smile and you finally let yourself tumble head first into kissing stupid, idiot, fuckhead Finnegan.

“Ass, 100%.”

~~~~~

tell me what you think if anyone is actually reading this because i'm bored and this site is lonely and i just want some weirdo friends who also think mustaches are peak sexiness. alright i need to go to sleep the psychosis is taking over :P

#finnegan x reader #finnegan #glen powell #glen powell fanfiction #everybody wants some #walt finnegan #walt finn finnegan #everybody wants some!! #finnegan x you #walt finnegan x reader #walt finnegan x you #jake seresin x you #and yes i am faking you top gun bitches out because you need to convert #to the church of glen powell with a stache and scruffy hair #this is the way #everybody wants some fanfiction #i don't even know what else to tag nobody is looking for this shit this is literally just for me

[bekkathyst]

Sometimes it really hits me how much has happened since I’ve been on this website and have had my little shop. Idk if it’s nostalgia or just procrastination of my current to-do list but I feel like writing out a little synopsis of what’s happened over the years lol. Also for any new followers, you can catch up haha

Also there will be some vague mentions of rough/traumatic circumstances, so just a warning!

I opened my first tumblr account when I was still in high school in like 2009 because all my friends were on here. I had like a fashion blog at one point, a recipe blog at another, but eventually I settled into my little witchy nature crystal niche where I felt the most at home.

In 2013 I was living in a horrible studio apartment in central Los Angeles with my now husband Antonio and we were living in poverty. He was being paid under the table below minimum wage and I was an unemployed high school dropout. I was struggling to find any kind of job and I also knew that it would be impossible for me to keep one because of how I am. (Which at the time I didn’t realize was the result of neurodivergence and a lot of trauma). I was just happy to be away from the abusive home I grew up in and I was really determined to make things work somehow, as impossible as it seemed. Eventually I decided I needed to just work for myself. A job wasn’t going to fix anything for me, and where I was wasn’t safe for me to be walking to and from a job anyway. I dealt with a lot of harassment every time I left my apartment so I pretty much became a hermit for the years I lived there.

One weekend with $10 from our grocery budget I went to a little shop that sold tumbled stones on the Redondo Beach pier and decided to buy a couple and some wire and make some pendants. I also had quite a few stones from my collection from childhood and I used those, too. And I opened my first Etsy shop! I honestly cringe when I look back at pictures of my work from this time, I’d really like to think I’ve come a long way lol.

It took several months to get a single sale and at least a year before I had any kind of consistency. For the next couple of years I worked on my little shop while Antonio went to work. In 2015 we decided that my shop was making just enough for us to work on it together and move somewhere else. So we ended up finding a mobile home for rent on some lady’s horse ranch in the mountains of unincorporated riverside county and we moved there.

We planned to stay for quite a while, but before even a year had passed, life drastically changed again. In early 2016 my little sisters came forward about the abuse they were facing and our father was arrested and a years long criminal court case began. Because my mother was undocumented and had spent the last 20 years pretty much just hiding at home, all their care fell on me. We took in my mom and my 3 sisters and had to move. We found another manufactured home in the same area and we all moved in together. I was truly not financially or emotionally prepared for this and it was extremely difficult. On top of that we were all very traumatized. I had not yet been open about the abuse I had faced because I wasn’t ready.

Amid that struggle is when my mom decided to start working with us as well! And she helped us grow our shop some more until we were a little more stable. Eventually we realized we had to find a bigger home and in 2017 I finally got to realize my goal of living in the big mountains and we found a lovely big house in Big Bear.

Actually during this time I have gaps in my memory so there are some things I start to mix up, but shortly after we moved I also decided to come forward about the abuse I faced which unfortunately further complicated the court case. We were looking at a trial date in 2018 which would eventually get pushed to 2019. But during 2018 my niece was born and I also ended up taking in one of my half brothers as well. So our household was now 9 people that were all surviving off of my shop’s income. Also during this time (I think it was actually 2017) we had been talking to one of our suppliers about taking over their wholesale warehouse near Los Angeles. It was presented as a huge business opportunity and I saw it as a chance to better things for us and hopefully ease the struggle. Taking this opportunity actually did the exact opposite. We were quite honestly deceived and ended up being straddled with a failing business. I lived 2017, 2018 and most of 2019 in a haze. Like I mentioned, I really don’t remember much and sometimes I see posts I made during that time and I’m really surprised by them. I think it was just the combination of extreme stress, burn out, sleep deprivation from trying to run 2 businesses and taking care of a massive household, and the trauma of having to recall all these repressed memories from my childhood.

But, somehow I survived. The plus side of coming forward about my abuse is that it gave me access to free therapy and I ended up finding the most incredible therapist that helped me start my healing and recovery from burnout.

Eventually in early 2019 our court case happened and we all testified in front of a jury, and our father was found guilty and is now serving a 300 year plus sentence. It took me the rest of that year to come out of the haze I’d been living in. After the court case, I decided to take the leap and open our brick and mortar shop in Big Bear. It was the thing I actually wanted to do with all my heart.

Then… 2020 came around. Covid hit and it was the final nail in the coffin for our warehouse business. We closed it and gave up. My other half sibling that was working at the warehouse ended up moving in with us as well and so did a friend of mine, so at this point our household was at 11 or so people and we were beginning a pandemic. I had also found out that I was pregnant.

Finding out I was pregnant caused the biggest flip of a switch in my brain. I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was living anymore. I couldn’t keep burning myself out and over extending myself to people. I had to put up some kind of boundaries and create a healthier environment. With the help of my amazing therapist supporting me, I made this a reality. It’s also when I finally decided that as soon as we could, we’d be moving to Austria, the country my mother was from, where I had also lived as a young child. I knew I had to make life better, I knew I had to release all of this chaos.

In early 2021, still of course in the middle of a pandemic, our landlord said he wanted to sell our house so we needed to move out and he would not be renewing our lease. This was right when the housing shortage really started to hit our area. I had an infant daughter and all these people in my care and I was very scared. By some miracle we found a listing for a house in the high desert, about a half hour away from our brick and mortar shop and we went for it. We knew we had no other options. At this point most of my household went their own ways and found their footing. So me, Antonio, our infant daughter, my mom, my youngest sister, and my toddler niece all moved to this house in the desert. I knew that this was temporary and I told myself I would not be here for longer than a year. Once our year lease was up, we’d make it to Austria.

It was a lot of work and honestly I probably could have made some smarter choices now that I look back, but early 2022 we sold all our inventory from our brick and mortar shop to a wholesaler and closed it up. And then we moved!

And now here we are, a continent away from where we started. Much happier, much healthier. Now we’re not selling nearly on the scale as we were before, but I know that with time we’ll be back to the level we were at. And I really hope to open a brick and mortar store somewhere in Austria sometime soon.

It really amazes me that some of you have been here from the beginning. It feels like several lifetimes have passed, but it also feels like it all happened in the blink of an eye.

I’m really so thankful for the opportunity I had to grow and learn so much and heal. I feel like I’m a completely different person than the desperate girl who started an Etsy shop in 2013.

And… this is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s still so much more that happened. When I first started seeing my therapist she encouraged me to write my story in a book, and it’s definitely something that I plan to do one day. I don’t think a younger version of myself would believe everything we survived. 🙏💜

[carrotzcake]

lots happening, i feel very overwhelmed.

I accepted my current job knowing it was temporary, that we'd be closed for renovations around/after the holidays. my boss, store owner who micromanages and doesn't really know wtf he wants, has yet to give us a closing date. we don't even know our holiday hours; this makes it very challenging to make any sort of plans or schedule appointments.

yesterday, i finally received the unemployment money i've been filling for since july. at least that paperwork is finally straightened out so if I become unemployed again in the near future, i (theoretically) can easily return to filing claims. i am grateful to receive this benefit but frustrated that 15wks of claims is approximately equivalent to 2wks of employment at my former job. on top of regular household bills, i have medication to pay for, and specialist appointments (RD, therapist, psychiatrist). I don't currently have a therapist, bc i've had a hard time finding one who will take me and struggle to justify $150ish/wk. i haven't seen a psychiatrist since mine left over the summer either; i finally have an appt w/ the replacement next week but that's gonna cost me over $200.

i also received word from my lawyer yesterday, we're moving forward w/ my case and i've been instructed to compile discovery documentation. any time i think about my case or the sitatuation, i am filled w/ so much rage and complex emotions. i need to find a way to collect this info w/o reviewing it in too much detail or spiraling out. maybe @theaeolianharpist can be a coworking buddy. or this new girl i'm sorta seeing (??!!)

i kind of want to email my old therapist to give her an update. idk if that's appropriate. but i don't really feel like i have any supports-i can't talk to my family about it and feel uncomfortable sharing w/ newish friend who don't really know me that well.

i have a couple of job interviews lined up for next week but not holding my breath. i think my family is visiting for xmas but still not sure. no one communicates effectively or takes initiative besides me.

/endrant. just lots of feelings of grief, loneliness, despair. thanks for reading.

#personal #employment #jobs #rant #too tired for tags #grief #complext ptsd #trauma #money #financial anxiety

[lets-talk-spirituality]

thank you for the reading sweet pea! ;) (literally the cutest nickname ever ugh) i can’t comment on the career part of the message since im currently unemployed but some of the other stuff definitely resonates! funnily enough the thing that stuck out the most was the thing about purple… i randomly started loving pastel purple in the past year but especially this last month, lol! im even wearing purple jammies right now! i realized that i think it looks nice on me with the color of my features and i literally just bought light purple polish and a matching dress… so funny! also the part about getting outside more! i definitely fall into staying in my apartment for days and days without going outside and its definitely making me feel icky. sometimes anxiety takes over (especially when you look up your solar return chart for a future year and it looks very scary lol) which causes me to hole up in my place but i will make sure to try to get out more!! and yes, i do need to say yes more! not just to myself but to others and opportunities and to get off of my ass and stop waiting for life!!! also i love the mother nature/earthy stuff. i might be moving to a new home within the next year which means i will finally have a backyard again and i’ve already been dreaming about planting a garden and making a fun and beautiful backyard! sorry for the long message! just wanted to let you know that i am grateful for your help and to let you know what resonates with me! 🌹🌸💐🌺🌷🌻🌼

Awww thank you so much for sending this in. Always touches me to know the people who sent in the request got to see it when I know I’m a bit sporadic in how I do them/respond.

Good about the purple then! Should help you open your crown. Maybe try to eat purple too. Omg. Ube? When I moved to Hawaii they use Ube which is a sweet potato as a sweetener in things. If you can find it. Shit is tops. Ube latte is amazing and so is Ube malasada.

I really hope you can start to enjoy life and maybe even get out to nature around you in the meantime. I’m glad parts resonate and I really think with you being unemployed that means you can approach career in new ways. Best of luck, bestie!

#reading feedback

[stephspeakseasy]

I'm trying so hard not to scream at the top of my lungs, and yet I'm almost positive that if I did, I might feel better. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety at age 16. I will be 32 this year. Over the years, I have dedicated much time to self-improvement and personal development. I wanted to help myself any way I could. I learned how to meditate and came to understand that healing is a journey and not a destination. I am proud to say that I have grown internally in such a way that I no longer suffer from depression as before, and I haven't for a few years. Not in the way I used to, anyway. I might have an episode every now and again, but it's situational, not chronic. If I'm feeling blue, there is a reason now and I'm thankful for that growth. My anxiety, however, has progressively gotten worse over the years. It has officially earned the chronic title. I know that I'm still in the postpartum stage. I know that being a new mom warranted a new level of anxiety, like it does for all moms. I know that I have to take it easy on myself, and at the same time, I know that I am my own worst critic. My self-critical voice very rarely shuts the hell up. I know that I am trying my absolute best to be the best I can be in every aspect of life. I know that I am a great mother simply because I'm giving it my best shot 24/7 365. There are some aspects of my situation that I know will get better with time, though I can't say that things don't happen overnight because I have seen otherwise. I know that I can't expect that kind of miraculous overnight progression to be consistent. That is not the reality of life. Most things take time. As a full time single mother, unemployed and currently without a vehicle, to say I'm stressed is a major understatement. I'm not stressed, I'm freaking the fuck out sis. Period. With that being said, let me go ahead and list what has been helping me deal with this pressure. Positive reinforcement is a must-have, must do necessity. My hope is that anyone who reads this post and can relate will find some hope in the fact that you are not alone in your suffering. I feel you. I get it. It's okay. We're going to make it, baby, I promise. Like our favorite cartoon fish Dory says, “Just keep swimming, what do we do? We swim, swim." I encourage you to also make a list It does not have to be long, it just has to be real. Honest. Here is mine: 1. My loving family, especially my younger brother and my dad. They have been helping me so much. 2. breathing deep, in through my nose and out through my mouth. I do it for as long as I need to until I start feeling better. 3. expression. Writing is literally one of the biggest blessings of my life because on so many levels it's therapeutic to me, and I hope it's that way for those who read my content as well. Not a writer? Draw, paint, journal, dance, or…stick your face in that pillow and scream, babe! 4. Prayer. I talk to the ultimate power of the universe on a regular basis. Sometimes, just speaking to God is enough to calm my nerves, and give me a glimpse of hope that goes beyond my current situation. 5. Drinking more water and being more physically active. Going for a brisk walk when super overwhelmed is one of my first go-to options for stress management. 6. Asking for help when I really need it. This one took me the longest to learn, but when you have at least one person in your life who is willing to help you just because they care for you, let them help. I promise, it's worth it. Thank you for reading the content of my heart and brain. Remember, you are loved. You deserve great things. The sun still shines behind the rain clouds. You are not alone. Love always, Steph

#venting #anxitey #ptsdlife #motherhood #postpartum #self help #personal growth #self improvement #self love #healing #gratitude #stress management #mentalwellness #open heart #therapy

[idealistmahma]

2022.

Started with me saying I would freestyle the year and indeed I did.

January - Employed/Hyatt/new relationship

Relationship showed it’s flaws:

Should have left when the old lady approached me about this lying nigga

February : grew past it, kept fucking & loving

Got a stray dog for valentines but no flowers, no sincere kisses just a start of manipulation.

March: celebrated a birthday in a strip club with coke heads ( didn’t know till later) smoked on mid like weed the whole night. 😔 got into more situations dealing with my ex… passive aggression, anger, alcohol, misunderstandings

Left my job at the Hyatt .. felt harassed, used , and over looked. now I’m counting on this “stranger” to help with bills since his money doesn’t go to anything of good use

Lost my car.. totaled ! In Buckhead

Had nothing to do but sit in the house for a month to find a new way of transportation.

Carvana approved me!

2019 Kia Soul (LILY) loved her! 2nd dream car, wow I felt accomplished.

April comes around and it’s still disagreements left and right and lowkey it’s turned domestic. I was head butted, slapped with money, abused mentally.

So I ran awayyyy ..

To Houston

Luckily my bestie/brother had his own spot. Slept in the main area for over two months.

Got bed bugs

Gained a job at Steve Madden

Got tricked on almost

Did everything in a new city by myself

Was so misunderstood

Met a lot of people but not enough!

Lost a bestie to other friends hating on our relationship.

Found out that most people around were two faced.

Slight depression but I kept pushing through.

Started noticing a lot of energy that wasn’t quite my thing. I felt so uncomfortable because I really thought it would be home for me. So hurt I was .. so left again

Atlanta I reside now

Got back with him .. for what?! Idk I missed him & cried over him for months. What am I to do?

3 months of no rent added up ..

WiFi got cut off

Maggots all through my refrigerator

But I had him .. my place, & Lily

Not knowing who this man was .. I still had a perception of him like my 6 yr ex .. idk why but I did

It didn’t get any better ,. We maybe had one good with no arguments because we were just nervous to be ourselves.

Still unemployed

But getting fly by night jobs here and there

Then BOOM!

Lily basically has been totaled .. I’m confused because that’s the only transportation I have .. life just seems to pause

So on top of the eviction notice at my door, I have no transportation, no nothing .. not even milk to drink in the house

But guess who’s floating around like nothing ever happened

More moths continue.. still arguments and back forth breakups .. world manipulation & more

Like WHY DID I PICK THIS DRUG DEALER?!

meantime … this man has been to prison twice .. no type of childhood or mother figure in his life and I’m still keeping him around?! HUH ?! Cause I feel bad and also 30,000 has just credited to my account.

At this point .. I’m just like life is over for me?

Why have I not let you go?

Oh …. Forgot to say .. I’m pregnant.

Ended up losing the baby because he came home drunk as Fuck one night scaring me. I. Was pregnant one day, then they couldn’t find the baby when it was time for the ultrasound. DEPRESSION but it was for a purpose.

It’s November now and my rent is not paid because I see no worth in my apartment because of how old it is and nobody has come to fix the problems in my house!

I have completely cut this man off because it’s just SOOOO MUCH .. so much wasted TIME! He’s a full blown coke head now .. the cartel is looking for him. He offered to kill us both with the gun his brother gave him and he still has to go to court for my car in December.

I keep having these pregnancy symptoms.

Currently unemployed with so many talents.

Haven’t done anything for me this year that I can really look back on.

Rent un paid / lease hopefully to be broken

May have an eviction on my name

They are probably gonna repossess the car.

My faith has grown stronger but still lacks at times.

Always hungry for food

No nature trails have I walked all year

……

So if you’re reading this .. this was just part of my story for 2022 ..

Just please watch the words you speak and the people around you .. intentions really do work hard

This year made me tough and still not even over yet.

Feels really good releasing this energy.

2022 man … I have cried some tears ..

Lost a lot of money

I was selfish to say the least

Asked for adventure and I got it

Oh BUT FOR EVERY MOUNTAIN THE MOST HIGH GOD HAS GOTTEN ME OVER !

Breathe Maya ….

Breathe!

#iamspecialbeautifuluncommon

[borgesbourgignon]

Three months shy of my fourth anniversary with my employer, my department has been terminated. A good friend of mine and I are now unemployed.

Okay, so I should've known something was coming when I saw, at 10 AM on a Friday, a meeting scheduled for that afternoon featuring my boss, HR, and the company's head honcho. The subject line was just my last name comma first name. Hmmmmm

My friend had one too, at noon. Everyone in the group chat speculated and waited with bated breath. It wasn't until 1:30 that she came back asking if I can pretend to be surprised. I conceded, not wanting to risk her getting in trouble. Then she said she'd feel bad not warning me, and she dropped the bad news.

Even if she hadn't told me, someone else from the department messaged me during the lunch break wishing me well. So I had plenty of time to take in the situation before my final meeting, including time to download a bunch of files for content I wrote during my tenure. Naturally, I did not use any of that time to write the assignment that was due that Friday.

By the time of the meeting, a wave of acceptance has washed over me. They said the decision was made to position the company for greater success and to benefit our customers, which I didn't bother challenging. I talked straight turkey, asking about the three-month severance package (my friend, who's been there longer than me, got six).

They also said I had two weeks to apply for a new position. Continued employment wasn't guaranteed, but they would put my application right at the top. I looked and couldn't find any openings that matched my skills. No matter. I'd already been looking for better-paying work for a few months. Getting fired has freed me to devote my days to the task.

Then again ... should I start job-hunting right away? The severance package is giving me plenty of dough, and I have a lot saved up. I could hypothetically use the next three months to focus on my writing without financially hurting my partner, my cats, and myself. On the other hand, my current writing project is a fanfic - which I plan to continue working on, but spending what would normally be my work hours on something that could make a profit may be better.

I gotta say, I'm definitely less furious than the last time I lost a job. Maybe it's because my boss interfaced with me face-to-face (via video call, but whatever), which showed more nerve than my last boss calling us on a rare work-from-home day. Maybe it's because I've already been through this before, and I know that I can recover from this. It's not because the situation is better, because this really fucking sucks.

More likely, it's because I'd already moved on mentally. Like I said, I've been looking for work. That's because after receiving (and losing) a huge opportunity for a similar job with a serious pay increase, I realized that my employer was severely underpaying me. Complaining about it snagged me the biggest raise of my life, but I was still making just $17 - not much when inflation is through the roof and three cats plus a romantic partner need me to bring home the bacon.

Even aside from all that, I've just lost my interest in my work. I started pushing my actual start time on my assignments later and later, sonetimes only putting down the first of the required 1000 words with less than an hour before punch-out. Even my favorite clients had come to bore me. I need something new, something more stimulating. I need an actual creative job, not more of this marketing bullshit.

And I'm sure I'll find something good soon enough. Something that matches my skill set and pays the bills plus goodies and isn't for an unusually evil corporation and gets my brain to storming. I just gotta keep looking and applying and looking and applying and looking and applying ...

But first things first. The last time I lost my job, I spent ten bucks on arcade tokens to blast dinosaurs for stress relief, then hunkered down at a bookstore and read a volume of Injustice: Gods Among Us from start to finish. Come Monday morning, I just might make that a tradition.

[careeralley]

How to Use Indeed.com for Your Job Search - Part 2

In Part 1 (How to Use Indeed.com for Your Job Search – Part 1) we covered how to sign-up, set up, find jobs and automate indeed.com for your job search. Part 2 covers how to apply for a job "on" indeed and what happens next. It's one thing to spend time looking for a job and it's another to actually apply for a job that matches your experience. indeed.com makes it easy to apply, but there are a few things you will want to consider before applying. What to consider before applying: - Age of the Post: Remember from Part 1, try to keep your applications to jobs that have been posted 7 days or less (3 or less is ideal).  On some of the listings (when you look at the details), it shows the number of applications to date.  If that number is say, greater than 50, I would hesitate to send yours as well. - Private versus Public: We touched on this briefly yesterday but it is worth a revisit.  I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH - if your employer does not know you are looking for a job then KEEP YOUR PROFILE PRIVATE! If it is public, anyone can find you on indeed.com.  Give it a try, use "search for resumes", use the advanced search, and enter the name of your current or previous employer. It will list everyone at that company who has a resume posted. If you are unemployed or don't care if your employer knows, then make your profile public. Find a Job Posting: Once you've set up your searches (see "Find Jobs" from Part 1), you are ready to narrow the field and apply. - Take look at the left sidebar and determine whether you should (or want to) narrow the search. If you are like most people, you will have several searches that are focused on different aspects of your experience. You can also refine your search using "Advanced" at the top of the page to the right of the "Find Jobs" button. - Select a job posting that looks interesting and looks like it might be a good fit for you. - Click on the job. Depending on whether it is a company-sponsored ad, a Recruiter ad, or an indeed.com ad, you will get different screens. - Read the job description and requirements. Do you still want to apply? Read on. - What happens next depends on how the job was posted. In all cases, the application process should be similar. Applying for a Job This is a time-consuming piece as you will need to create a user name/password for many postings. - In some cases, the "apply" button will take you directly to the company's site. Most companies require that you create a user id (but not all). Follow the instructions. - Some "apply" buttons will take you to third-party software (the most common is Taleo). Again, you will be asked to login or create an account. - If the job was posted by a Recruiter, you will generally find yourself on their site.  Specifics vary from Recruiter to recruiter but the rule of thumb is that you will need to create a user name/password - The good news is that if you are applying to a company (or Recruiter) where you've already set up a profile, most of the information will be pre-populated for you. Managing Your Applications and More Once you've been on the job hunt for a while (unless you land quickly), you can easily start to lose track of the jobs you've applied for and who you applied with. The good news is that indeed.com helps you track your applications. From Find Jobs, click your email address in the top right-hand corner and select "my.indeed". Our Pick Alternatives to the Apply Button $9.99 Many job seekers feel that if they apply to enough jobs online they will eventually get a job that way. The reality is that only 6% of job seekers find their jobs online. This book will help to show you where the pitfalls are in the process and what the other 94% are doing. Buy on Amazon We earn a commission if you click this link and make a purchase at no additional cost to you. 07/28/2022 12:23 am GMT - Manage your searches - From here you can track and manage your searches.  You will see a list of all of your latest searches. You can easily re-run them from this menu by just clicking on the search. You can also easily remove them with (you guessed it) the "remove" link at the end of each line. - Manage Your Applications - From the "My Jobs" tab, you can see both jobs you viewed and jobs you applied for. You have the option to view, remove or add/change notes. - Alerts - As mentioned in Part 1, alerts allow you to get daily or weekly results against your searches (only the ones you pick). You can manage your alerts from this tab. - your resume. You can change, add or delete resumes from this tab. You now have all you need to quickly leverage Indeed.com! Land Your Dream Job: Join the 2% Who Make it Past Résumé Screening $14.99 Apply to your next job with confidence.While other books focus only on crafting the perfect résumé or cover letter, the truth is, you need a strategy for the entire job application process.A strategy that communicates your expereinces, achievements, and results in a way that provides value to hiring managers. Buy on Amazon We earn a commission if you click this link and make a purchase at no additional cost to you. 07/31/2022 01:09 am GMT Read the full article

[hardisonbeier31]

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[rabprabp]

I need to keep going

I left my job due to depression and I have been without gainful employment since then. I remember how difficult it was to tell my employer about my situation when I didn’t feel like telling what was really happening. I was so eager to leave the job but so frightened and worried about being unemployed. Before I resigned, I made a to-do list of activities that I would do or achieve in my free time, some works, some just don’t.  Therefore I decided to write down what I have been doing during my unemployment which worked well for me mainly to help me have a better view on this journey. Here we go:

Taking time to rest

During my dark days, it was so difficult for me to see things clearly so I took my time to rest (physically and mentally), seek professional help, try to figure out the most suitable way for me to get better and tried to accept the situations and emotions. I slept a lot, took a break from social media and other distractions. By acceptance I found it to be easier (but yes it was still difficult) to learn how to manage my stress, anxiety and its following symptoms as I learn and dig into the trigger of my declining mental health. It’s easy for me to say now but it was the darkest time of my life and it took -/+ 6 months until I regained strength and confidence.

2. Having the ‘right’ and positive mindset about my situation. 

As I slowly recovered, gained my strength and was able to think clearer, I thought it’s necessary to have a right and positive mindset that this unemployment or difficult times that I have been through does not define who I am but a part of my lifetime journey. That’s also when I have the capacity to think through my plan to get out of depression and not to give up. I believe that there is no one size fits all to solve my problem, so I tried one by one to see which would work (I tried journaling, mood monitoring, diet monitoring, sun-bathing, taking medications prescribed by doctor, etc).

3. Doing things I couldn’t do when I was employed and learning new skills.

Traveling abroad, decluttering and taking online short courses really boost my positive energy. The satisfaction of accomplishing something really helps me to find my joy again. Besides that, the knowledge and lessons I got from online courses or during my travels really help me to educate myself so I can be a better person.

4. Doing more physical activities and making new habit

I used to sit for long hours because of work, and I experienced neck-pain, back-pain, bad mood, low energy and weight gain. Only until this time did I really recognize that physical activity and exercise really helps to lift up my mood and boost positive energy. I read journals, books and publications about the effect of exercise to maintain mental health before but honestly I never took it seriously.

As I discovered the effect, I tried to make physical activities a part of daily habits, not just by having dedicated time to exercise but also by doing chores or free time because I think it takes consistency to make habits work. On the top of that, I also started to build my reading habits, meditation and practicing mindfulness.

5. Building and maintaining a healthy relationship

I believe that having a support system is necessary. I thank my family and close friends for being there for me (to listen to my story, to validate my feelings and to help me do chores when I had no energy to wake up) and for their understanding when I was acting like a trash and rejected them as I needed my time alone. I believe that they were willing to help me a lot because they care for me and they know who I really am, and that kind of help and care I won’t get from a complete stranger. Moreover, I needed a community to help me grow and a safe place where I am accepted to share my story and vulnerability or even just to have fun, so I joined one.

6. Improving spiritual development

Spirituality and my connection with the Creator give me comfort amidst insecurity and a ton of questions about purpose, meaning, self-worth, etc. As a believer and a human-being, I am aware that my being is far from perfect, that my plan flawed and I need a greater power to take care of things beyond my control. Rebuilding my connection with Him and putting trust in Him allows me to surrender and not to worry about life, my life. Moreover, spiritual development grows compassion and understanding for others.

#my writing #writing #journey #mindbodyspirit #mental wellbeing #self healing

[idy-ll-ique]

Voices.

Pairing: Chris Evans x F!Reader

Genre: nothing but floofy-floof

Warnings: none

Requested: nope

Summary: in which you can hear the voice of your soulmate in your head and Y/N's soulmate is someone really special— her celebrity crush.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! do y'all know how long ago I wrote this fic, like— at least 2 years ago. damn. so in advance, im sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes or bad punctuation in the fic that I forgot to correct (apology for bad english 😌)

oh and

bold/italics - chris

only italics - y/n

---

Hey, you still there?

Y/N snapped out of a trance and focused on the voice. Yeah, yeah I'm still there, she thought to herself. She was hearing the voice of her soulmate, or rather, was speaking to him, telepathically. The thing is, you could hear the voice of your soulmate in your head. You could talk, hold conversations, but the only thing was that you couldn't ask for their name.

You had to guess. Most of the people made plans, like let's meet here or there and concentrate hard enough, I'll see your name written on a paper. It was a thing, I mean, if you concentrated hard enough, you could see what your soulmate was doing. It was like a cheat code of sorts. Most of them found their soulmate in that way.

You see, Y/N loved surprises, so she wasn't going to find her soulmate just yet. Y/N wanted to figure it out for herself. Your soulmate couldn't hear every single one of your thoughts, though (which was how she had zoned out mid-conversation). Listen, we should meet up sometime.

Aw, already? she thought with a pout on her lips. Yes, I'm very excited to meet you, I've been waiting for too long, the voice replied, chuckling. It was a manly voice, really deep and raspy. She loved it. When Y/N was small, about 4-5 years old, all she could hear were swear words and dirty thoughts; characteristics of a teenage boy.

From that, she inferred, that soulmate was much older than her, about 8-9 years older than her. She didn't mind, She was kind of into older guys anyway… But I like this game we have! Why do you want to ruin it? she asked, shaking her head. Alright, sweetheart, just for you, I'm holding back. But I don't have much patience, the voice laughed. Y/N smiled.

Without even meeting her, Chris loved the voice in his head. She sounded so sweet and welcoming, maybe she was younger than him. He couldn't wait to meet her. Chris had tried to plan their meeting for so long now, but she just wouldn't give in. She was also a feisty one. He smiled to himself as he walked down the street, engaged in thoughts about his soulmate.

In his haste, he accidentally bumped into someone. "I'm so sorry!" he blurted out, instead hearing a soft ouch, shit in his head. His brows furrowed. The lady he had bumped into just kept on walking. Are you alright? he asked his soulmate in his mind. Yeah, just bumped into someone while walking.

I bumped into someone just now too! he told her excitedly, still staring at the lady who had now stopped in her tracks. She turned around, scanning the crowd. Then she looked at him, but maybe she didn't realize that she had bumped into him. Holy shit, I see— Then it all went blank. See what? Chris questioned desperately.

He still wasn't sure whether the woman he had just bumped into was his soulmate or not.

Why can't I say the name of the guy who played the role of Captain America?

Chris froze and stared at the lady, jaw dropped. She was lost in her thoughts, confused. He slowly walked to her and stood in front of her; she stared back at him, her heart racing. This was her celebrity crush, who was currently looking at her as if she hung the moon. But why? Why was he looking at her like that?

"You can't say his name because that's me, you technically can't say his name because you aren't allowed to," Chris whispered to her, smiling softly. Her eyes widened.

"You! You're the voice I hear in my mind! Chris freaking Evans is my soulmate?! How did I not realize?!" The woman exclaimed, shocked. Soon though, she got a wide smile on her face. His eyes widened too, hers was the voice he heard as well! "What's your name?" he asked her as they hugged. "I'm Y/N Y/L/N," she replied, smiling.

"Wanna join me for a coffee?" he offered, holding his hand out. She put her palm on top of his and nodded. Both of them entered a nearby coffee shop. "So, what do you do?" he asked her after ordering two coffees. "Nothing. I'm unemployed right now, just got out of my last job. I gave an interview yesterday at Ralph Lauren, just waiting for a call back," she shrugged.

"Oh, into fashion?" he asked her, smiling. "Yeah, got my degree and all. Just needed a job, Ralph Lauren offers a good amount of money," she chuckled. Chris smiled again. "Reminds me of Rachel Green." She laughed more, which warmed his heart. Her laugh was adorable. Suddenly, her phone rang and she looked at him, wide-eyed.

He nodded dismissively and she picked up the call. She spoke for a while and when she ended the call, she had the biggest smile on her face.

"I got the job at Ralph Lauren, I'm starting tomorrow!" Y/N squealed. They couldn't have picked a better timing. "Congratulations, Y/N!" he told her, grinning. After spending some more time at the cafe, they parted ways. She went home while he went back to the sets where they were filming Avengers: Age of Ultron.

"Hi Chris, you were out for a long time, what's up?" Chris Hemsworth asked, smiling at Chris Evans as they stumbled upon each other. "Nothing, just met my soulmate, had a cup of coffee with her." The older Chris feigned nonchalance. "You what?! That's awesome, man! So, how is she, what does she do?" Hemsworth asked him excitedly as both of them walked inside.

Robert and Scarlett were there, talking. "She's so beautiful, I stopped functioning when I saw her. She works at Ralph Lauren, she's a fashion designer," Chris told him with a smile. Robert and Scarlett looked up. "Who?" Scarlett questioned. "Y/N," he said simply, sitting beside Robert. "Who's that?" Robert inquired. "My soulmate." Chris smiled, as if in a trance.

"Boy, you look like you're in love," Scarlett laughed. "Because I am, she's that beautiful," he told her adamantly. "Whoa, did you ask her out?" Robert snorted. "I'm back from our first date." We had our first date right now, didn't we? he asked her in his mind.

Of course we did, I loved it. Hope to meet you again soon, her voice replied and he could practically feel her smile.

Sure, I'm in town for a few more months, I'll mind-text you as to when I'm free, he told her, sporting a smile on his face. She outright laughed in the comfort of her own home. Mind-text? Sounds fun, she agreed and focused on the Netflix series she was watching, turning off the "magical telepathic link" between them.

Chris, too, focused on the others only to see them smiling at him. "Talking to her?" He nodded at Scarlett. A few minutes later, all of them went to another room to begin with the shooting of a new scene.

---

Y/N danced as she prepared dinner, singing along to You Don't Know Me by Jax Jones. It had been a month since she last saw Chris. He had promised her a date, but he didn't get time. She couldn't blame him, he was a busy man. Y/N was shouting the lyrics of the song in her head, unaware of the fact that Chris was snooping in on her mind.

Hey, calm down, she heard Chris chuckling in her mind and shrieked in real life. What are you— are you snooping on my mind? Chris! she thought, scandalized. He laughed more. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wanted to ask you out. Are you free right now? We could meet in the same coffee shop, he asked. She grinned and nodded to herself. Of course, I'll be there in 15.

She quickly got dressed, wearing a pair of track pants and a t-shirt (like she was wearing on their first date). She didn't bother with her hair or makeup, it looked good anyway, she just bolted out of the house. Y/N entered the coffee shop to see Chris already sitting there, wearing a suit. She cursed herself mentally, making Chris look up.

He stifled a laugh. She went and sat in front of him.

"I'm so sorry I look like a single mother of two kids who hasn't slept in a year," she moaned, "I didn't know you were gonna show up in a suit." She facepalmed for good measure. "It's quite alright, you look beautiful. I wouldn't have you any other way, I should say. I'm coming back from a party right now, therefore the suit."

She blushed softly at his compliment. He ordered two coffees for them and they started talking. "So, how's your job at Ralph Lauren?" Chris asked, smiling at her. "It's amazing, I got promoted. Now I'm the head of the department, with my own office and all," she told him, smiling back. "That's great! Oh, congratulations, honey," he grinned.

"Thanks," she muttered, blushing slightly when he called her a nickname. "You look cute while blushing, has anyone ever told you that?" Chris winked as their coffees arrived. "No one, ever. I don't interact with people much, it's a tedious job," she half-joked, smiling.

"Really! So who are the people you talk to?" he joined in. "Well, there's my assistant, my mother, my bro and you. That's all. I've got some friends, but I rarely talk to them, only on the phone while texting, that is," she shrugged. "Nice, nice," he nodded as they finished their coffees. "Allow me to drop you home," Chris offered, taking out a key which she found out was for his bike as they left the café.

"No it's alright, I'll go," she refused immediately. "Nonsense, you're practically my girlfriend! I'm going with ya," he shook his head. They looked like an odd couple; one wearing a suit while the other looked like she had just woken up. Surprisingly enough, the one who looked like she just woken up had the best fashion sense among them. "Hop on," Chris grinned.

She sat down behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Both of them chatted for the 2 minutes that took them to get to Y/N's home. Once they reached her building, she got down from Chris's bike and turned to him.

"Thanks, Chris, this has been an amazing second date. Can't wait for the third," she told him with a smile. "Me too," he smiled back. A few seconds later, she turned to leave but Chris suddenly grabbed her hand, turning her around. "Wha—" She didn't get to finish her sentence as Chris pressed his lips to hers. She kissed back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I just had to, sweetheart," he panted as they pulled away from each other, breathless. "Wow," she breathed out as Chris rested his forehead against hers. "So, um, see you on the third date, yeah?" Y/N giggled as they stepped away from one another, smiling. "I'll make it as quick as possible. Can't stay away from you, darling," he winked.

"How flattering," she winked back and turned to leave, purposely adding a sway to her hips knowing that he was watching. And fuck, was he watching. "Oh, the things you do to me, my dear Y/N."

"I heard that!"

"Good!"

---

A/N: Thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

#chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x female reader #chris evans characters #steve rogers x reader #captain america #ransom drysdale x reader #knives out #andy barber x reader #defending jacob #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

[bigskydreaming]

So as far as insurance goes for me, I’ve had to maintain super-pricey private insurance for the past three years while navigating the super long and annoying road to surgery to deal with longterm physical injuries stemming from my gaybashing sixteen years ago. 

Since I’ve got some new followers these days who don’t know the whole sitch, long story short, freshman year of college I got gaybashed and raped by a buncha homophobic dudebros ‘teaching me a lesson’ or whatever, there was kicking to the face that apparently caused juuuust enough of stress fracturing to the condyle on the right side of my jaw. Cut to about five years ago, the stress fracturing finally eroded or whatever, like, enough to basically snap off the top part of where my jawbone is supposed to go in the joint socket there, resulting in a 45 degree lopsided face, inability to fully close my mouth and bunch of other shit such as chronic daily pain and migraines, vertigo that means I cant drive a car or stay upright longer than about an hour or so at a time, oh and also the weird position of my jaw meant my attempts to eat gradually destroyed my teeth over the past several years and led to them all having to be extracted and me fitted with dentures which are a SUPER fun thing to have at 35, and its basically all very boring and tedious and blah. 

POINT BEING, these days I’m literally just killing time until they can fit me in for the joint replacement surgery I need, its supposed to happen first week of December unless they can fit me in sooner.....but anyway, like, because our health care system suuuuuuuuuucks, basically everyone from Medicaid to Blue Shield argued round and round about whether it was a dental issue or a medical issue and whether it was elective or life-critical (I say yes, they said no, I said you try and eat life-sustaining food like this, they said, ugh fine, but you still gotta pay 21K out of pocket even with the ridiculous premiums we’ve been charging you to get even this far, I said UGH FINE) but long story short, wait I already did that, whoops, that was a lie, BASICALLY the point is I paid that and am on the books but between that and the dearth of savings that is “this is what happens when you spend basically four years homeless and unemployed and living out of motels” that means I still gotta finish out the rest of the year paying my fun-times-price point of $820 a month for insurance, not to mention rent and food. 

Factor in my inability to do much work that cant be done while lying on my side in bed and saying words into the notes App of my phone and then cutting and pasting them into Functional Format elsewhere, and the fact that my family’s abusive trash I haven’t spoken to in literal years on account of they suuuuuuuuuuuck, meaning my support system is literally just my friends on tumblr, lol, baaaaaaaaasically, the moral of the story is if you ever have a spare five bucks and find my existence entertaining or beneficial to yours in some small way and feel like tossing a coin to your witcher or whomst-the-fuck-ever for purposes of helping to enable my continued existence until I can like.....more capably Exist On Mine Own again, like....that’d be super cool and appreciated and such like and so forth. 

Anyway, that’s my deal, my sitch, the smorgasboard of my ridiculousness, and like. The end and stuff I guess. I feel like I had something else to say, but my ADHD brain is being super-sized by migraine brain at the moment, so it either wasn’t that important or like, it was but also lol blinding stabbing shooting pain at my temple says nah, forget about it. As you were! 

https://paypal.me/bigskydreaming?locale.x=en_US

https://ko-fi.com/kalenp

#lol i hate doing these posts so if i sound ridiculous and like a nonsense person thats basically just cuz I am and thats how I feel #so like #ITS THEMATIC AND STUFF #idk? whatever. thinking is hard

[joyfulhopelox]

Rosy Carnation

Pairing: painter!Min Yoongi x skater!reader (non-idol! au)

Genre: fluff, tiny bit of angst

Warnings: some talk about social anxiety, Yoongi is a bit harsh in the beginning but rest is just pure fluff

Word count: 6k

rating: pg

Summary: There was nothing in this world that Yoongi hated more than busybodies. Unfortunately for him one particular ditzy skater decides to break the peace by crashing into his life and offering him a rosy carnation

Copyrights @joyfulhopelox for both the work and the banner (thank you @mochi-molala for giving me the artistic approval for this think you didn’t realise how much it helped)

This is part 3 of my Love Blossom series and quite unedited, i tried but some mistakes may have escaped my notice

As always please leave feedback and/or talk to me as i love to hear from you! Enjoy <3

There was nothing more peaceful than being able to sit by the river in the early hours of the morning. Every day without fail, Yoongi would take advantage of the sleeping city and set camp by the riverside situated just on the outskirts.

The place was far from being secluded, its location sign-posted by the popular park that housed it. But he knew that during those hours no one bothered to visit, everyone was busy with their office jobs. It wasn’t that he was unemployed, it just so happened that his job allowed him to work from wherever and at whatever time. In fact, the more scenic the location the better for him. As a painter he had the freedom to choose his office, and his most prefered location happened to be by the riverside. The stillness of the morning, the sun just about to peek out from under the city skyline and the sound of the birds conversing amongst each other relaxed him. And if there was one thing that permitted Yoongi to paint without restrictions, was the tranquility of everything around him.

His normal spot, under a beech tree, was rarely used, the pathway that passed by it not being used by the general population. Sometimes he would spot the occasional cyclist passing by on their way to work, sometimes he would hear the scraping of the skateboards doing tricks in the skate park located behind the wall of trees that surrounded him. But no one ever bothered him, or was bothered by him. And it suited him and his needs just fine.

Yoongi disliked it when his flow was interrupted. Luckily for him, it rarely happened. No one threw him more than a glance as no one found the scene to be out of place. Sometimes he would be pulled out of his thoughts by the yap of a dog that got too excited at the prospect of a new human. Other times he would be questioned by the curious child that has never seen a painter at work. Those did not inconvenience him, the innocence and sincerity of the interference was enough to not disturb him.

However, what he miscalculated that day was the early start of the fishing season. One bad trait of being a painter working under your own schedule was losing track of time. And so when that one morning he trudged along with his canvas and his tools to his sacred spot only to find it occupied by fishermen he almost had a panic attack. He forgot all about that, and so unprepared, he did not know what to do or where to relocate. Pausing for a couple of minutes, his eyes scrutinising the men sitting on the riverbank in complete stillness, he contemplated on setting up his stool next to them. But when one of them yelled in glee at having caught a fish, he decided he’d rather not. Fishermen needed to be still because of the nature of their activity, that did not mean they were quiet people overall.

Disappointed and a bit frazzled, Yoongi picked up his canvas from where he set it next to his foot and left the area to scout for a substitute.

After what felt like a good few minutes of walking in circles, he found himself passing by a small public garden right in the middle of the greenery encompassing the riverside. He inspected it quietly, his eyes taking in the flower arrangements and the neatly cut grass. Has that always been there? Probably, it is not like he ventured out of his safe spot. But now, when forced to he realised that maybe there were other places where he could sit and paint in peace. Determinately, he walked into the small gated garden familiarising himself with the layout. There were some benches strewn across the space, all of them framed by vibrant rose bushes, some young oak trees judging by their height but what caught his eye most importantly was the small gazebo tucked away at the back of the garden gated by rows of variously coloured carnations. He decided that it would be the perfect spot, it would have to do for now. Not like he had any other choice. The morning was almost gone, the heat of the midday sun bleeding its way into the breeze. Soon the park will get busier and busier.

Dumping his belongings on the ground he sets off to unpack everything so he could get started. He felt strangely excited about this new spot he had found. Somehow, the novelty of the environment has given him the inspiration that he needed for today’s session. He normally shied away from new experiences, new people and most importantly unexpected circumstances, but this circumstance was more than welcome.

As he sat on his stool, paint brush in hand, the blank canvas staring at him, daring him to fill it with his vision he bit his lip. Suddenly so many ideas zoomed through his mind that he had a hard time deciphering which one sounded the best.

However, none of them made it on the actual canvas.

A skateboard zoomed straight past his feet,out of control, knocking into his carefully placed tools; acrylics and brushes scattered all over the ground in various corners of the gazebo. An exasperated yell and some harsh pants followed said abomination. Yoongi, who was too stunned to even form a sentence or comprehend what was happening around him, stared as you ran towards him at full speed.

“I’m so sorry, sorry sorry sorry” you repeated zooming towards him at breakneck speed. Still in shock Yoongi still couldn’t process what was happening around him. You were going to barrel straight into him but all he could do was blink, his brain still trying to catch up with the situation. One moment you were running towards the skateboard and the next moment found you laying sprawled at his feet.

“Ouch” Yoongi blinked once, twice, three times, and reality finally caught up with him.

He stared at the mess around him. His canvas was lying on the ground a few good feet away from him, its white clean surface now completely smudged with dirt and his acrylics and brushes were all scattered at his feet. The sight of his paints not only disorganised in such a fashion but also crushed and spilled all over the ground caused his stomach to drop. They were not the cheapest and they were also the only ones he had left. It was clear there was nothing to salvage, he had to go once more to the art store and buy more.

“Ohmygod i am so sorry!” The frantic voice was loud enough to make Yoongi wince.

You were not having a good day, and it showed. You started the morning by burning your toast. Then you forgot to grab your keys, which resulted in you having to beg your landlord for the spare in the early hours of the morning. To say they were not pleased was an understatement. You spilled coffee on your white top on your way to the park. And to top it all off you ended up hurtling towards an extremely handsome man.

You decided in the morning that you would try to learn that late kickflip your friends have been trying to teach you, but as a new skater you decided to practice in the garden just off the side of the skate park. One foot placement went wrong and your skate ran from under your feet flying towards the unsuspecting victim.

Luckily it did not hit him, however it scattered all of his belongings all over the dirty ground. It felt as if you were watching all of that happen in slow motion, when in reality it probably only took you a second to react. Trying to help and get a hold of your skate, you rushed to catch it in time before it disappeared into the row of carnations. But you miscalculated entirely the distance between you and the stranger, his foot halting your run.

And that is how you ended up there, on the floor, at his feet, covered in his paints.

You sprung up as fast as you could ignoring the tingling in your leg and started apologising profusely. However, the harshness at which you crashed on the floor combined with the speed at which you got up were a fatal combination. The blood rushed to your feet quicker than you could process and your knees gave out from under you. In an attempt to not crash onto the floor again you grabbed onto the closest stable object you could. Only, it happened to not be an object but a person. So with a clammy hand you latched onto the man in front of you.

Yoongi did not know what to do. You had grabbed onto him with such conviction that his brain malfunctioned. He hated to be touched, especially by strangers. And so when the fight or flight instinct kicked in he shrugged you off violently causing you to crumple on the floor once again.

“Ouch.” Your butt hurt and you wanted to be annoyed at him, but when you looked up to let your feelings known and your eyes locked onto his panicked ones, you paused. He looked ready to run off on you. “I- uh, am sorry” You tried once more to get up, this time as slowly as you could. You knew there would be a bruise later but it was not something you were unfamiliar with.

Yoongi did not respond to you. He couldn’t, his brain was still ready to shut down. He normally ran away from any human interaction, the nature of his job enough to facilitate such behaviour. Being faced with it and in such an unexpected way caused his anxiety to be at an all time high. And so he did what he normally does best; he retreated within himself completely ignoring your apology.

Silently he stepped away from you and crouched down to start picking up his belongings. With an anguished sigh he took in the mess that his acrylics had become. It was going to cost him a lot to be able to replace them but what other choice did he have?

Taking his silence as a sign of anger, you panicked. If there was one thing you could not stand was to see someone angry. Especially when it was directed at you. In an attempt to amend yourself to him you crouched down next to him and started picking up his stuff. “I am really sorry. I didn't mean to. It was just a new trick that i wanted to learn, and i am a newbie at all this and so i was scared to go to the skate park and try them. And I am a clutz and I knew this was going to happen at some point! The day has already started on such a bad note-”

You knew you were rambling, you were nervous. But Yoongi did not care about that. He just wanted you gone. He wanted his peace back, he wanted to get his work done and retreat back to his home and most importantly, he wanted you to get your hands off of his possessions.

Without looking at you, he harshly grabbed for the brushes that you had gathered in your hand. “Leave” he surprised himself at how resolute he managed to sound despite the slight waver in his voice.

“Are you angry? Oh my god you are! I am so sorry again, let me make it up to you! I really did not mean to destroy your work!” you get up once more rushing towards the canvas that lay a few feet away from the two of you. Picking it up you stare at the blank piece of material.

“Oh, are you an artist?” you turn to him, your eyes sparkling with excitement. Completely forgetting the incident from earlier you giddily walk over, the canvas extended towards him.

Yoongi could not believe his eyes, your brash behaviour in front of a complete stranger that has made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you was baffling to him. He contemplated for a second the thought of you being deaf, but then no because you had clearly heard him the first time. His anxiety quickly morphed into annoyance, if you weren’t going to leave he decided he would.

Taking a hold of the canvas you were handing over to him he pulled it out of your hands and stuffed it under his arm. Crouching down again he hurriedly stuffs his brushes and acrylics in his bag. He wanted to get out of there as quickly as he could before you had the chance to touch any of his belongings again.

“Hey, i-uh. Please don’t be angry. I really am sorry. Look you don’t have to leave, i will go” Yoongi paused, his hand hovering above his palette. Chancing a glance at you, his eyes widened a fraction. You looked completely frazzled. Not even looking at him, your eyes focused on your fretting hands. He could just about see a snippet of your face and the way your bottom lip was trembling slightly made his anger melt a little. Maybe he has been a bit too harsh on you.

“Yes” he offers offhandedly whilst placing his canvas back to where it was before.

At his change in tone your head snaps up and you gape at him. “What?” you breathe out in surprise. His soft but deep voice took you by surprise. It was extremely smooth and you had not expected it to come out of his mouth.

He did not offer you anything else, leaving you gawking at him, watching as he set up his canvas onto the easel. You were silent for a couple of minutes trying to understand what he had meant when it finally hit you.

“Ah! You are an artist! That is amazing, what type of paintings do you do? Is it nature?” you clapped your hands excitedly. “Of course it is nature Y/N, he is in the middle of the gazebo how dumb can you be” you muttered to yourself whilst shaking your head.

Yoongi glanced at you from his periphery. He wasn’t feeling as threatened by your presence as he had before, but that did not mean he was comfortable with you being there. He observed you for a couple of seconds watching as you muttered to yourself for the time being. He took it as a chance to set his palette down and tried to squeeze whatever was left of his acrylics onto it.

You realised a bit too late that you had started daydreaming whilst muttering to yourself and so with rosy cheeks you mutter another apology.

“You apologise too much.” Yoongi did not know where his courage had come from but he couldn’t stop the words spilling from his mouth. “I asked you to leave.” His harsh words caused you to flinch, but your eagerness to see him paint rooted you on the spot.

“Is-uh,” you took a deep breath in trying to calm your beating heart, “is it ok if i stay here and watch you?” You cringed at how voyeuristic that sounded. But you had to admit to yourself, the honey haired guy, with soft plump cheeks and pouty lips has caught your interest and you were not ready to part with him just yet.

Yoongi didn’t respond, he’s made it clear he wanted you gone, but he finally understood that the clumsy human that managed to wreck his set up was a stubborn one. He chose instead to ignore your presence and settle on his painting, giving you unspoken permission to do as you pleased.

Catching onto the meaning of his silence you beamed and sat yourself down.

Trying your hardest to be silent you bit your lip. You knew he wouldn’t appreciate you disturbing him any longer. Soon enough, you slipped into a daydream your eyes focused on the flowers behind the hunched form of the intriguing artist.

Yoongi sighed in satisfaction, his painting was finally finished. He had opted to use greens this time, the nature around him inspiring the concept behind this. However, he could not help but add the dots of red here and there, its fiery tumultuous colour breaking the tranquility of the greens. Just like you had thundered into his life just earlier.

“Woah” broken out of the daydream by the sound of his sigh, your eyes focused on the painting before you. You knew you were easily impressed but this painting was stunning. “That is so cool” you whispered in awe.

Yoongi blushed, he had been complimented a lot on his work, but there was something about the sincerity shining through your statement that frazzled him. He nodded in acknowledgment. He had enough knowledge to be aware that he needed to thank you for the compliment.

“Oh!” you sprung up suddenly the transition making him jump. “I am late!” You quickly picked up your skateboard. “Ah,” stopping mid run you turn back. Rushing to the bushes of carnations you pick one up. With confident stride you head back.

Yoongi watched you, once again his mind completely discombobulated by your abruptness. When you halt in front of him and push the flower into his hands he doesn’t know how to react. Instead he just sits there waiting for your next move, his mind once again preparing him to flee.

“It was nice meeting you….uh?” You realised you did not ask for his name, so as you urge the flower into his grasp you wait patiently for him to offer it to you. When after a minute of silence he doesn’t you try again. “What is your name?”

“So can you like...teach me how to paint?” you eyes brightened at the thought.

“What?” Yoongi sputtered. A week has passed since the first time you decided to literally crash into his life. A week of your mindless chatter. Even so, he had tried his best to ignore you and your childish view of the world. He was ignoring you, but it was not like he couldn’t hear you.

He was not expecting that request, and yet, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him. Your randomness and innocence has been taking his breath away from the moment he saw you. You were all over the place, clumsy and random. He did not want to sit and ponder at that thought, feeling the shiver of anxiety creep back in. Schooling his expression to a neutral one he shook his head and went back to his canvas.

“No” the harsh tone of his voice made you flinch.

Not noticing the effect his words had on you he carried on, “You’d do a very poor job of it, and it hurts to think you’d waste all this material for some doodles.” Not giving you a chance to respond he sighed and put his brush down. “Finally finished.” He sat and observed his work for a couple of moments. He was satisfied, it was not his best work but he liked the outcome. The blue colour scheme gave him a sense of peace.

Realising the silence had gone on too long he turned around to face you. You were unnaturally quiet, your face scrunched up as if in deep thought. He would have thought you’d gone into one of your daydreams if not for the shiny gloss in your eyes. He could not understand why his heart did that flip, or why his mouth formed into a frown mirroring your own. Had he said something wrong? Mulling over his words he decided that maybe his tone was too harsh but you spoke up before he could try to remedy it.

“Ah, i see, you are right” you sniffed trying to mask the tears in your voice. “I am quite clumsy, there is no way i can make something as beautiful as this.” You gesture to his work, the canvas a swirl of blues, it reminded you of the ocean. You did not know why his words stung, it’s not like he didn’t have a point. You were probably incapable of creating something like that. Stick figures were all you could draw, and even those tended to be lopsided.

Yoongi’s heart clenched. “Uhh-” he did not know what to say, it wasn’t as if he could take it back. He did not want to take it back, he wasn’t a liar. But maybe he could have turned you down a bit softer than he has. He may have been awkward in social situations and missed a lot of cues, but the tears gathered in your eyes were hard to miss. Even he could sense the sadness that overpowered the atmosphere.

“It’s ok, i need to, uh go. I’ll see you next time. Here” you quickly drop something next to his brushes and without a second thought you turn away from him and leave as quickly as you’d arrived.

With your back turned towards him, your feet taking you further and further away you could finally release the sob that has been threatening to surface.His words hurt. But you were well aware it was not the words that caused the tear in your heart. It was the unfeeling and harsh way he threw them at you. You contemplated whether or not you should chance a glance behind you, but decided against it. You did not think you could stand the sight of him stepping on the last bit of dignity you had. A rosy carnation.

Yoongi knew he usually missed a lot of social cues. For example when the curator asked him out for a coffee and he told them he stopped drinking caffeine because it caused insomnia. Or when the gallery director had wanted to shake his hand in greeting and he simply just stared at it. It wasn’t as if he was unfamiliar with them, it was just that it took him a lot longer to process these cues than the average human being.

When you’d left him the carnation he simply threw a glance at it but did not give it a second thought as he carried on painting. He almost left it there when he packed up his tools- almost stepping on it. He saw it just in time, the rosy colour attracting his attention. He bent down and picked it up gently; the flower was almost wilted from the heat. Prepared to throw it away he thought of you and stopped. The sight of your flushed cheeks, your distressed eyes and the gleam of your tears weighing heavily on his mind. With a sigh he cradled the flower in his palm, he would put it in between the pages of a book and press it dry.

Yoongi had no clue why he kept visiting the gazebo to work on his paintings. His previous spot so rarely visited that he’s almost forgotten where it was. He tried to convince himself it was because fishing season has not ended and so he would have been bothered by the men setting up around him. He tried not to think of the fact that the thought of not having your voice there, or the noises of the skateboard you practiced with caused him distress. He told himself it was because after a month of having you there with him, you became part of his routine. Like the background noise of a radio in the morning.

He could not pinpoint when your mindless chatter and pleas to ask him to teach you how to paint had become comforting to him. Even at home when he would try to read, he would pick up a book and open it only to come across a rosy carnation drying in between its pages.

You had made it a habit to leave him a flower every time you came to see him. He did not ponder too long as to why, but he’s kept them all. He did not want to ponder too long on that thought either. So he ignored it, but deep down he knew why.

Your eagerness, your clumsiness, your childish view of the world were enough to melt the wall he has built around himself. Somehow, you chipped at that wall with determination just like you did on the first day you met. Ungraceful and uncoordinated.

He knew you’d wormed your way into his soul and just like the flowers he kept pressing for safekeeping, he’s ingrained the memory of you into his brain.

When you’d started to ask more personal questions he found himself answering without a second thought.

“So, uh, have you always wanted to be a painter?” You were sat next to him tinkering with the wheels of your skateboard, from time to time getting distracted at the way his long fingers were clutching the brush. You blushed, thankful he was distracted by his work.

“No,” Yoongi paused to bend down and pick his palette and you thought that was the extent of the information he was willing to provide. “My parents wanted me to be a lawyer.” With a new colour on his brush he squinted focusing on getting the lines just right, the tip of his tongue sticking out slightly in concentration.

The silence that ensued settled heavily around the two of you. “Oh,” your voice did not sound too surprised. Yoongi glanced at you, you were gazing at him with such understanding that he found it hard to tear his gaze away. “Are they happy you chose to do what you love instead?” You carried on, trying out your luck.

Yoongi looked away from you, he couldn’t say what he wanted to say whilst your eyes were digging deep into his soul. “I wouldn’t know.” He shrugged as if to make a point. “I left home to move here and haven’t spoken to them since.”

The words, heavy as lead, echoed in your brain. But they were not unfamiliar. “I am sure they would want to talk to you. My parents died when i was young and i was raised by my grandparents.” Your voice sounded casual, but the slight change of tone made Yoongi raise his eyes to look at you. You were smiling at him, your face not giving away any of the pain you were feeling inside.

Yoongi may have been socially anxious, but he was observant, he couldn’t help it, it was the nature of his job. His eyes picked up on the way your chin trembled and his ears caught the slight waver in your voice. He didn’t know how it happened until he felt the corners of his mouth raising up. And with an uncertain smile in your direction, he managed to erase the sadness that clouded over your face.

“Pick up that brush” his tone softer than you have ever heard it.

“Huh?” You didn’t know where the change in tone had come from, but it managed to take you by surprise.

“Pick up the brush,” he repeated his head nodding in the direction of said tools. “And come here.” He stood up from his stool gently grabbing your wrist and pulling you up. The contact of his cold hands on your warm ones made you shiver, but in the heat of the summer it felt comforting. You savoured the way his gentle hands pulled you into the chair and handed you the brush he had been holding. Softly he guided your hand onto the canvas and your breath stopped.

His hands, the hands you had been observing ever since you met him, were smooth. His long slender fingers imprinting themselves onto the back of your hand. You couldn’t tear your gaze away from the way the pale skin of his slender wrist peeked from under the long sleeve he was wearing. The skin on the inside of his wrist almost translucent enough to allow his veins to show.

“Like this” he steered the brush onto the canvas, his voice so close to your ear it made you your heart skip a beat. When the bristles made contact with the material of the canvas leaving the mark of the acrylic on it, you knew. Just like the doodle he’s made, his mark on your heart would be permanent.

Yoongi didn’t know when he started craving your touch. It just happened. He carried on giving you lessons, finding it ironic how adamant he was at the beginning to refuse you. Little by little he started looking forward to his morning ritual of setting up in the garden, your clumsy self stumbling in the gazebo just as he was about to set his easel down. He would not even sit himself first, he would grab your hand allowing himself to revel in the way your smaller rough hand would fit into his larger one and sit you on the stool. Handing you the brushes he would sit next to your skateboard and watch as you tried to create something on the canvas, your brows furrowed in concentration.

How ironic that you would switch places. He would sit for a couple of hours watching your uncertain movements and listen to the small sounds of glee when you’d manage to get the brush to do what you wanted it to. His heart would pound in his chest when your tongue would flit across your lips subconsciously and the small smile gracing his lips would be a permanent fixture on his face. He did not care that he hasn’t painted in a few weeks. He was more than satisfied watching you.

When your painting session would end you’d end up talking for hours under the shade of the gazebo, the smell of flowers wafting all around you.

And you would always leave with lighter hears and the crinkle of a smile indented in the corner of your eyes and him with a rosy carnation cradled to his chest waiting to join the rest of the others.

When one morning you didn’t arrive at your usual time under the gazebo Yoongi noticed. He decided to wait for you for hours, but when the sun bled under the city skyline and the night settled in he decided it was time to go home. With a heavy heart and an empty hand he returned home hoping that the next day you would arrive and tell him about your day.

But one day turned into two, which turned into a week, which then turned into two- and before he knew it a whole month had passed.

In the beginning Yoongi would wait for you patiently, hoping that he would hear your yelps or even your greeting from afar. When that did not happen, he decided he would use that time to continue painting, maybe you’d arrive halfway through and ask him about it. When that didn’t happen either he noticed that instead of a smile on his face he now wore a frown.

After a whole month of not seeing you he became numb to the feeling. He decided that he would not let his mind ponder too much on your absence. But he could not completely block the way his thoughts would return back to you, and he could not help the wistful gaze he would throw the carnations around the gazebo.

As the months of summer wilted into the chill of autumn, the day he decided to stop waiting for you was the day you once again stumbled into him.

Running as fast as your leg permitted you halted a meter away from him, your breath coming out in harsh pants. Yoongi faltered, the grasp he had on his brush slackening, the tool clattering to the ground. He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t. Instead his eyes took in the way your form trembled with exhaustion, stopping at the wrapped up parcel you had under your arm.

“I am so so so sorry” you rasped, the effort causing you to cough. Looking up at him, your gaze met his dark one. He did not look upset, or even disinterested. He looked concerned, then you realised the state you came to see him in.

Yoongi took notice immediately at the lack of skateboard, this time replaced by a crutch. The way you were favouring one leg over the other concerned him. Had you been in an accident?

“I am so sorry,” you repeated, taking him back to the first moment he’s met you. Your clumsy self apologising incessantly and rambling in nervousness. “I fell one day whilst on the way here, and i broke my leg. I did not mean to stop showing up i promise! I had wanted to come see you as soon as i left the doctor’s office but the injury was worse than i could have suspected and- and” your voice wavered, trembling in exhaustion, still not having caught your breath.

Yoongi got up without a word, his silent form approaching yours. When only a few inches were left between the two of you he places both of his hands on your shoulders halting your apology. Looking up at him your gaze softens, his eyes were glossy but his mouth curled up in a smile.

“You’re ok” he repeated over and over as if to reassure himself. Your eyes now mirroring his own watery ones you nod.

In a flash he hugs you tightly, your crutch clattering to the ground and the parcel under the other arm making a dull thud as it hit the dirty floor. You gasped in surprise, your arms not knowing where to settle themselves. After a couple of seconds your brain catches up and relaxes and you melt into his hug. Despite his hands being always cold, his hug is warm and inviting.

You think back to the first time you met, how his cold words told you to leave him be. The drastic change in his attitude and demeanour make you smile softly. You burrowed your head in his shoulder inhaling his scent. He smelt of oils and acetone with an undertone of something floral, and you gasp. Carnations.

As if remembering something important you pulled yourself away from his touch, the cold autumn air making you shiver at the loss of contact.

Yoongi is confused for a moment, his eyes widening in panic. Has he made the wrong move? Has he read your intentions wrong? His heart clenches at the thought of you not returning the feelings that bloomed in his chest. But when you offer him a reassuring smile and bend down, grabbing onto his arm for support his emotions settle.

“This is for you” your hands were shaking. Handing over the mysterious parcel, you waited patiently for him to take it.

He glances at it uncertainly, but when you push it towards him his hand wraps around it. With as much skill as he could he opened it with one hand. Tearing the paper away he gasped. The corner of a canvas is sticking through the whole.

Looking at you in surprise your nervous eyes urge him to carry on. So he does.

The paper now completely teared open, his eyes settle onto a familiar flower painted onto the canvas. A carnation.

You watched him open your gift. You had tried your hardest during the time you were stuck at home with a cast on to practice and after weeks of painful frustrated tears, you’d finally managed to get it right. You had wanted to convey your feelings in a way that he would understand without feeling the pressure to conform to societal norms. To show him how much his effort to accommodate you and include you in his secluded life meant to you.

“Did you know,” you were whispering, “that rosy carnations mean admiration?”

Yoongi finally got it, realisation dawning over his features. He looked up at you, overwhelmed by the emotions flooding his chest. You were still smiling at him a tear now running down your cheek. “I wanted to convey my admiration for you in a way that would be permanent.” The hand on his arm tightened as if you make a point. “So i tried my best to do that.”

Yoongi smiled, not the uncertain smile you were used to, a full smile, the gums of his teeth showing, his features softening.

“A painting is not eternal, but with the artist the painting it over and over again it can be.” His free hand cups your cheek gently. “So stay with me.”

Main Masterlist

#yoongi #yoongi angst #yoongi fluff #min yoongi #btshoneyhive #btsgoldnet #suga fic #yoongi fic #suga x reader #yoongi x reader #s: love blossom #angst #fluff #matsterlist #bts min yoongi #bts suga

[dalamjisung]

dancing in the moonlight ✾ kim yugyeom

word count: 1946

genre: slice of life, fluff, dancer!yugyeom

member: yugyeom x reader

description: he needs to go home... even if for a second, you doubt that might be you. you miss your boyfriend, and he misses you, too– he misses his family– and even if takes you all night, you’ll remind him that no one left, and no one ever will.  

You are tired– exhausted, really. It’s been days of getting home from work, hoping for some take away and quality time with your boyfriend, only to find him gone. He’s been technically unemployed for almost three weeks now, and you remember thinking about all the thing you’d be finally able to do with him– all the shows you’d get to watch, all the late morning cuddle sessions, all the late night talks; everything.

Four days. Four days is how long he lasts inside. On the fourth night, when you get home from work, excited with earlier promises of take away and Descendants of the Sun, he is not there. You try his cellphone but he doesn’t pick up and with only a few texts to the group chat with the other boys and girls you find out he is also not with any of them.

Bambam is the one that suggests the dancing studio– the one a few blocks from your house. Yugyeom always liked your apartment, and you know that it’s always been partially because of that studio; he likes how it reminds him of younger days, when he used to dance the night away, too busy with school during the day. The night was my time to shine, he always told you, reminiscing. Just like suggested, there he is, in his usual room; his body moves fluidly to the song, and you can smell the sweat before you can see it. It’s dark, only light coming in is from outside– the lampposts’ glimmer floods the room, softening his steps, tracing his moves, but it’s almost like the moon is his spotlight. The white light crashes with the yellow glow and he looks more ethereal than ever. Being an idol meant constant rehearsal and practice and even though it was still dancing, it’s not the same; it’s tiring, and repetitive, and controlled. It lacks the creative flow that he likes, and many times Yugyeom complained about not enjoying it anymore, the dancing; but from the smile you see shine in his face as the song stops and he finishes the routine, you’d say he’s found it again– his passion.

“Well don’t you look handsome,” You say, walking the room only to lean against the mirror, looking straight at him.

“Y/N,” He breathes out, chuckling a bit. “What are you doing here, baby?”

“I remember someone promising me food and cuddles,” You pout, biting your smile back as you see his eyes go wide. “But I got home to an empty apartment.”

“I am so sorry!” He gasps, running to get his backpack. “Let’s go! I’ve been here for a few hours, already…”

You nod, letting him pull you out and back to your building, but not before sending the studio a longing glance, mind wandering to an image of Yugyeom holding you in his arms, swaying peacefully, lovingly, from side to side. He always told you he’d teach you how to dance…

Tonight, though... tonight he’s been taking his sweet, sweet time coming back home. Usually he’d be back after three or four hours, around 9 or 10PM; you are starting by the time he’s home, but usually you can wait for him, wanting to enjoy his company more than anything. Not tonight, however– because you’ve waited, you didn’t eat, and now you are not only tired and frustrated, you are also nauseous. By the time you make it to the studio, you have tears in your eyes; Yugyeom is not the best with words, you know that. He gets embarrassed easily and likes to joke around, so hearing emotional things from him is almost impossible, but he’s never failed with his actions; he’s always shown you how much he loves you, so you never really doubted him. And you don’t doubt him now, but some days more than others you need a little extra loving, a little more affection.

“… two, three, four,” You hear him mumbling from outside the room, the door ajar since there is no one in the building anymore. “And five, six–“

“Hey,” You interrupt. He is mid move and loses his footing when he looks at you, stumbling forward. “It’s late.”

“What?” Yugyeom frowns, walking to where his phone is charging on the ground. 1:36AM. “Oh shit…”

“Yeah,” You sigh, and maybe your voice trembled a bit too much, or he just heard you sniffle, but soon Yugyeom has you in his arms, face lowering to look into your eyes.

“Babe, why are you crying?” He mumbles. “I’m sorry I lost track of the time, I was dancing and got this idea and–“

“I know how it goes,” You whisper, shuffling closer to his sweaty body. “And I don’t want to interrupt, but Yugs, it’s time to come home.”

“I just need one–“

“No, no,” You say softly, burying your head on his chest. “Home. Let’s go home, please.”

“You can go ahead, baby,” He chuckles, but you hear how hollow it is– how lifeless it sounds. “I’ll be there in an hour or two, tops.”

“No, you don’t understand,” You try again, but you don’t think you understand it either; you have absolutely no clue what is happening to him, and, consequently, to you. “We– You have to go home, Yugyeom. A-And I don’t mean my apartment, if you don’t want t-to, if that’s not home; but you have to go home.”

“What are you talking about…?” Your boyfriend pulls back slightly, frowning in confusion. You can feel his hands shaking on your shoulders, and after the first sob breaks out, you can’t stop. “Y/N, what are you talking about?”

“Am I… Am I not home?” You gulp, taking a step back. The deaf thud of his hands falling by him side makes you wince. “It’s just… ever since the end of the contract you’ve been distant. Far away. I barely see you, and I think you’re just n-not comfortable, you know? I think you just need to go home.”

“You are home!” He snaps, and you’ve never seen him this exasperated. “You are home, Y/N, you have to be! You’re all I have left!”

And there it is.

There it fucking is.

“Baby,” You mumble, softly, heartbroken. You should’ve known– you should’ve known that he feels alone. Yugyeom was raised by his hyungs, ever since he was a too tall, too young of a child that just wanted to dance. All the milestones, all the failures, the lessons, all the accomplishments– I was all with them; and now, after a signing a new solo contract with AOMG, it makes sense that he is freaking out. So yeah, you should’ve known.

“I-I don’t mean it like that,” He sighs, rubbing this face in frustration. His legs slowly bring him to the floor, where he sits, resting his face on his hands; you only know he’s crying because of the rhythmic movement of his shoulders. “I don’t mean it like you are my last option, I’d never–“

“It’s okay,” You whisper, lowering yourself so you can crawl to him, taking him in your arms. His wide shoulders fall on you and it breaks your heart when you hear him sob. “I know what you mean– I got you.”

“Everything is new,” He whispers, hands holding yours, back against your chest. From the way his body sags, muscles tired and overworked, you know he is absolutely exhausted. “And exciting. But… it’s kind of lonely. I-I tried talking to Bam about this, but he was busy; Jaebeom hyung has his photoshoots and Mark hyung is back in LA, so it’s really hard finding time to call. Youngjae hyung and Jinyoung hyung are already on their schedules, and Jackson hyung is… I don’t even know what he is, to be honest, he’s been doing literally everything. And I’m here– dancing alone.”

“Yugyeom,” You whisper, mouth on top of his head. The sweatiness of his hair should be enough to make you keep a distance, but not even that can make you let go of his, and instead, you kiss his head, his cheek, his neck, his shoulder. Anywhere you can reach, really, because Yugyeom is not a man of words, no; he prefers actions– and you really need to show him some love right now. “You’re not alone, my love.”

“I know,” He sighs, furiously drying his face, to the point that you pull his hands down and gently resume what he was doing, yourself. “But… but it’s hard– it’s hard believing it.”

“We got a parcel today,” You say, caressing his head and enjoying the way he lets it rest on you. “A huge Wang Team box with the newest collection, by Mr. Wang himself.”

“Wha–“

“Jinyoung called, too,” You move, so that your back is against the wall, and you both can see your reflection on the mirror. “He wanted to show the pretty flowers he got from ahgase– said the tulips reminded him of you. Yesterday, Youngjae sent you a package… I think it was a suit for Dalkyum? I didn’t really understand, but the note said something about a park date with Coco.”

“Where… where was I?” He sits up, turning around. His eyes are tired, just like his body, but there is a going of something in them, of hope, and it makes you smile. “I didn’t see any of that.”

“You were here.”

You gesture around, arms open in the big, dark room, and something clicks.

“I pushed them away…?” He asks, voice bordering whiney. “I pushed you away?”

“No, love, you could never push us away,” You chuckle. “You simply… stayed away. You’re a focused artist, so we simply assumed you were working hard for your AOMG debut, but time passed and nothing changed. I miss you, Yugy. I come home from work hoping to see you, but you’re gone. And I also know how bored you must be in my tiny apartment, so I’m happy that you found a distraction, but how about we keep it to daytime? Balance is key, baby, and this way you’ll be able to dance, but you’ll still be able to enjoy they freedom you fought so much for.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” He mumbles, smiling sheepishly. “Come here.”

He pulls you to him by your feet, hands moving to your thighs until they grasp your waist. You two are a mess of limbs and when he kisses you, with all the contrasting softness from his dance moves, you melt, molding with him, allowing yourself to fall back in his familiarity. You missed it so damn much that the foreign excitement rises, but the comfort of him catches you, arms wide open for you to simply surrender. And you do– gladly.

“I love you,” He whispers a bit breathless. “So much.”

“I love you, too,” You peck his lips, squeaking as he suddenly gets up, pulling you after him. “What are you doing?”

He doesn’t let go of your hand, pulling you after him as he moves to the sound system, messing with his phone until a familiar tune starts to play. One hard pull on your hand has you stumbling his way, and he is quick to embrace you.

We get it almost every night

His soft humming on your ears is enough to make you smile wide, feet following his steps as you two start to move together.

When that moon is big and bright

It's a supernatural delight

“Y/N.”

“Hm?” You hum, not wanting to open your eyes, basking in the perfection of this moment.

“I missed you, too.”

Everybody's dancing in the moonlight

—————————————

Last on of the series oh my god 😢 I’m not sure if this is similar to Bam’s, but I feel like what would affect these two the most is missing his hyungs... What do you think of this one? Let me know! If you liked this story, please please please share, comment, like, or anything you feel comfortable doing ❤️ thank you for your endless support, lovelies💕

#got7 #got7 imagines #igot7 #got7 yugyeom #one door closes seven more open series #got7 slice of life #kim yugyeom #dancer yugyeom #yugyeom imagine #yugyeom imagines #yugyeom #yugyeom one shot #mark tuan #Im Jaebeom #park jinyoung #jackson wang #choi youngjae #bambam #got7 scenario #got7 scenarios #imagine #imagines #got7 imagine #one shot #scenario #kpop scenarios #kpop #idol

[moonlit-mizukage]

Chapter one:  How the fuck did you find me?

Summary: Y/n and Tendou are deeply in love. Living on the other side of Tokyo now, the Monsters are still up to their old shit. They even opened a few businesses for Tax reasons. Even though it’s been almost three years later, Y/n still has never been able to understand how they have avoided the law several times. When Tendou’s Mother reappears in his life, Y/n is confused as Tendou claimed she is dead. Finding out Tendou is being forced to take over the family business by his Mother, she soon learns the truth behind Tendou’s reason he never gets in legal trouble is his family business. His mother is quick to decline Y/n as his future wife and tries to set up Tendou with someone she sees more fit. What will happen to Y/n and Tendou? What will happen to Tendou’s “family business”? What does this mean for the future of the Monsters?

Tw: Swearing, kidnapping, mafia mentions (Yakuza) 

Taglist: open! Send an ask or dm to be added

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Third person Pov

Y/n sighed as she looked down at her phone again. She messaged Tendou about 20 times in the past two hours. 

“Still nothing?” Shirabu asked her. She shook her head. 

“I haven’t even heard from Suna or Kenma. They are probably just working or something.” She said back to him. 

“Is everything okay?” Mei asked as she sat beside you on the couch now.

“Yes of course my favorite sister!” Y/n said as she tackled her. 

“I’m your only sister y/n!!” Mei said as she laughed back…. 

“How are you and Tendou? Have you made any official wedding plans?” 

“Not till I am done school.” Y/n replied to Mei. 

“You must be so glad summer is here! What is everyone up too?” She asked. Y/n never elaborated more into Tendou’s “job” here on this side of Tokyo. She knew her family and her friends would not approve as they didn’t in highschool with the minor things they were doing. 

“You know, Matsukawa opened a Funeral home, Terushima, Tendou and Kyotani own a Motorbike repair and refurbish shop, Hanamaki is unemployed and doing Vape tricks probably somewhere for coins.” Mei laughed at the last part. “Shirabu and I are in school, we met two other cool guys at our school during first year, Suna and Kenma. Suna is in business and Kenma is in programming.” 

“Oh that’s so cool!” Mei said excitedly. 

“What are you taking again next year little sis?” Y/n asked her. 

“I am taking photography! Dad really had a lot to say but Yams talked him into letting me go!” 

“It wasn’t easy but I did it for her.” He said smiling as he kissed the top of her head. 

“Do you both have a summer placement?” 

“I got a job as a pharmacy assistant and Y/n will work in a kitchen.” They all started talking about school and summer plans now as Y/n messaged your big group chat again. She asked where Tendou was but no one replied…. 

Meanwhile close by… 

“What the fuck do you want you whore?” 

“Now Tori, is that any way to talk to your Mother?” Said the woman as she walked down the old stairs. 

Tendou reached into his pocket as he lit up his phone. He quickly pulled a gun from his belt and pointed at her. 

“Listen Tori, I just want to talk. Tell your friends to fucking come out too before I shoot them down.” Tendou pulled his phone out texting the others to come out. 

Terushima, Kyotani and Matsukawa stepped out from where they were hidden walking up to Tendou. 

“Do you have Hanamaki or not first off.” Tendou’s words dripped with disgust to the woman in front of him. She gave her signature smirk to him. 

“BOYS!” She yelled as they tossed Hanamaki from a room atop of the stairs. 

“Hey! Be careful with the hostage, would ya?” He shouted at them. 

 “Come up this way boys.” She said as she walked up the stairs. 

They all walked up and entered the room Hanamaki came from. There was a large table inside with 7 men sitting around the outside holding a variety of weapons. 

“Take a seat. Let’s talk business, yeah?” The five Monsters sat around the table. 

“How the fuck did you find me?” Tendou spit at her. 

“Easy, you still use my business name as your cute little side hustle. I wanted to do this when You were 18, but I wanted to see what you five were capable of. I see you got two new guys. Where are they tonight?” 

“We are supposed to head over to my fiance's apartment with them.” 

“Oh that girl that wears the jacket huh? A pretty little thing huh, hate if something were to happen to her.” 

“Shut the FUCK UP.” He stood up and slammed his fist down on the table as three of her men stood up holding up their guns. She motioned for them to sit down. 

“Listen Tori. I want you to take over like you were supposed too. I know you were not raised in this life like I wanted, but I see what you are capable of. Your dad, he never wanted this, that’s why I got him out of the way. I didn’t expect your Grandma to step up though. That bitch hated me so much.” 

“What the fuck did you do to dad?” Tendou asked. 

“Just a little bit of framing for a murder I did. Nothing big.” 

“I fucking lived in so many foster homes you cunt!”

“Calm down, your grandma came around eventually. Beside it built your character.” 

“What the fuck!” Tendou shouted. 

“You can get mad all you want, but I would be careful if I was you.” 

“And why is that?” He asked back. 

“I wouldn’t want to do this the hard way, your fiance might just happen to go missing, and every hour it takes you to find where she is in the city would be one less body part she has. I would personally make sure of that. I would also make it so you could find her just before she dies.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tendou asked. 

“How about dinner tomorrow night? I would love to meet her face to face.” She said.

“No! Fuck you. I won't let you touch her!” 

“Okay, since you want to be a dick, I will give you three days  to decide. Meet me here Tuesday night at midnight. If you fail to come, your-” 

“I fucking heard you the first time.” he said interrupting her. He stood up from the table. “Let’s fucking go.” He said to the other monsters. 

They all exited the building quickly as Tendou and them got on their bikes. Hanamaki of course did not have his, so he was riding on the back of Matsukawa’s. 

They pulled up all in their shared driveway as Tendou got off his bike and whipped his helmet off, smashing the glass on the ground. 

“Woah Guess! Easy there.” Matsukawa said. He stomped in the direction of the house before letting out an ungodly scream. 

“Dude, what are we going to do.” 

“We need to call a monster meeting as soon as everyone leaves and talk about this fucking shit.” 

“What kind of gang does your mom run?” Hanamaki asked. 

“It’s not a fucking gang, she runs the goddam south side yakuza.” He said as he went to the cabinet pulling out any random bottle of booze and started chugging it. 

“Are you fucking serious?” Terushima asked. Tendou pulled the bottle from his lips as he looked over to them. 

“I don’t think I will be able to get out of this shit. She’s probably got men on every fucking corner for 6 blocks. If you guys want out, get the fuck out of here in the next three days. Before it’s too late. Once you are in, death is the only way out. We are not kids fucking around anymore, we aren’t fuck heads scaming the government with our shops here anymore either. We would be handling guns, drugs, probably some kind of sex work, and worst of all, rivals from the North.” 

“I’m in.” Kyotani spoke up before anyone could even talk. 

“You don’t have to decide right now guys.” Tendou said. 

“I already have.” Kyotani said as he walked away.

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