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adventuringblind · 9 months

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Bucket List

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Genre: soul shredding, crying so hard, etc.

Request: no but I felt like crying so here ya go. If you have a specific scenario you would like to cry too, please request it. I love off human tears

Summary: her body loved to contract problems. Charles is determined to stay by her side.

Warnings: soul shattering, talks of illness, not proofread because I can’t edit and cry at the same time… I am not that talented

Notes: idk why I did this to myself…

Masterlist

Some people are just naturally drawn to tragedy. Though, for most, it's unwilling. This is the case for Charles Leclerc.

He fell in love in an unexpected way. At the hospital. Falling into her on accident.

It was 2015, he was still a child, in his way out from visiting Jules. He was teary eyed and lost in thought.

Until he fell on top of her. The pills in her hand flying everywhere.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” He scrambled back to his feet and helped her up. The two trying to pick everything up.

“It’s okay, really, I wasn’t paying attention either.”

They got everything picked picked up, then they looked at each other. Really looked at each other.

She smiled. “No offense but, you look like shit and I feel like shit. Wanna make it up to me with lunch?”

They spent the rest of the day together. Charles learned their the same age. She wanted to travel. She’s dying.

It was terrible to learn. He didn’t know how to react.

“I’ve accepted it. I want to live before I die.”

His heart knew what he should do, but his mind didn’t want to let her in. Jules was already on the verge of leaving him. Could he do this again? If he was able to help her get closure, maybe he could find closure with Jules. It was a dumb idea. A terrible idea, really.

“Come with me. I travel a lot for racing. We can do whatever you have left in your bucket list.” He blurted before he could think about it more.

She smiled. “Sure.”

They became fast friends. She followed him to every race. Her parents were apprehensive at first, but they saw how much she wanted this and they weren’t going to deny her.

They tried to go as many places as possible with her, but work always caught up with them. The Leclerc’s became her second family.

She was able to help Charles through Jules eventual death. He cried for days. His races were getting increasingly difficult. The pain behind his eyes was evident.

She stayed with him. Comforted him. Made him keep going when he wanted to quit.

It took time, but Charles got there. He kept going. It was because of her.

Charles dragged her around the Paddock. She was know as his best friend. Pierre often teasing the two about it. The French constantly nagging Charles about when he was going to confess to her.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t want too. He had fallen in love with her view on life. How she wanted to enjoy every second. They were able to do that together.

He could tell though, her body was steadily getting weaker. Her lungs struggling to to breathe. Yet she didn’t waiver. Her smile was contagious.

He took her to see every monument. She tried every food. They took a ridiculous amount of pictures.

Then it happened again.

Charles didn’t understand why it was him. How he attracted so much death to the people around him.

His father was sick during his formula 2 career. It was difficult for him to get through, yet somehow he came back stronger. She’d helped him with Jules and again with his father. He couldn’t help thinking she was some sort of guardian angel. Sent specifically to him for this reason.

They both broke down when he won that race and dedicated it to his father. Joy and sorrow mixed into their sobs.

Then he kissed her.

When he signed his formula 1 contract, he thought he was dreaming. This notion led to him doing things he wouldn’t normally with the newfound confidence. Including kissing her.

She kissed back.

He’d helped her cross everything off her bucket list; Including falling in love. She’d known for awhile but didn’t want to push anything. They both knew what was coming. They knew her time was limited.

So they made the most of it. Charles took her out on dates whenever he could. They did things that weren’t even on her list. They watched every movie they could think of.

She smiled through it all. The doctors didn’t think she would live this long. The medication she was on was doing better then expected.

Charles didn’t want to waste any time though. Neither of them knew when her time would come. Everyday was a blessing.

When he signed with Ferrari, he knew he wanted to marry her. He would have never made it here without her.

He gave her everything. A proposal on the beach, a wedding that made her feel elated, a caring husband who was there on her hardest days.

She was around the paddock so much that everyone knew her. Everyone wanted to be around her. She was filled with life even though she knew she was knocking on deaths door.

It had been a cloudy day. Rain dripping down the window. She was drinking hot chocolate and reading a book. It was her favorite kind of atmosphere.

She’d been feeling terrible all day. Thankful that Charles had time off for the winter to help her around.

They had friends visiting. Pierre, Lando, and Max had come to stay for the week.

It was crazy to her that Charles was going into his fifth year in F1. If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t think she’d get to see him through this far. She felt blessed for it.

She felt so exhausted. Yet she still smiled when Charles came over and kissed her head.

Everything was so bright. It felt warm and comforting. Like Charles embrace. She could feel him holding her.

She wiped a tear from him cheek.

“I love you. Don’t forget it.” Then she smiled. Somehow she managed to catch a glimpse of his smile.

Her gaze moved to behind him. She saw Jules and Charles father. They were greeting her.

She knew what was happening. She could stop it.

With the last of her strength, she kissed Charles. Then let herself be embraced by the warmth.

It had been a month. He’d been grieving his loss. Barely talking to anyone. He’d lost his smile.

The funeral was hard. The entire grid had shown up. To mourn her and support him.

It felt like so much time had passed and was frozen simultaneously. He was struggling to take care of himself.

He was angry with life for constantly taking away his loved ones. It wasn’t fair. He wanted more time with them. With her.

Arthur had been staying with him. When he couldn’t, Pierre would. They tried to get him to get out of the house. Nothing they said seemed to help him. They knew it was going to be slow.

Pierre had come into his dark and messy room. Taking a seat at the end of his bed. “I wanted to let you know that they finished the grave stone. We don’t have to go see it today though. Whenever you’re ready.” Then he left.

Charles was ready to go in ten minutes. He looked tired and broken, but he was up. He needed to see her. Something to provide him with closure.

Pierre drove them to the cemetery. Stopping to get her favorite flowers along the way. When he parked the car, he didn’t get out. “I think you should have a minute to talk to her.” Then he pulled out an envelope from his pocket. “She asked me to give this you when you were ready.”

Charles shakily took the envelope and made his way to where she now rest.

It didn’t take him long. He’d spent hours choosing exactly where he wanted her to eternally rest. Close to the river that flowed through the cemetery. Underneath the shade of a large tree.

The words written across her grave made him choke out more sobs.

Y/N Leclerc, loving wife, lover of life, may your smile still be contagious from above the clouds

He gently sets the flowers down on top of the stone. Then he just sits. He doesn’t care in the ground is cold and wet. It feels natural to sit with her,

He opens the letter Pierre handed to him. Scared to read her words. Her handwriting looked a littler rushed. She’d written poetic words of comfort. Love seeped off the page.

She’d made him a bucket list. Things to do after she was gone. And at the very bottom: find someone to smile with.

She looked on at him. Her hand grazing his shoulder. She was glad the letter made him smile despite the tears.

“He’s going to be okay.” Jukes smiled from behind her.

“I know, he’s strong.”

Herve places a hand in his other shoulder. “You taught him well.”

“I think we all did.” She chuckles.

“Thanks for taking care of him all these year when we couldn’t.”

Dear Charlie,

I know my time is running out. I can feel myself getting weaker by the day. I know it’s not fair to you that I have to leave so soon. Regardless, the time I’ve spent with you has been the most amazing thing life could have blessed me with.

Remember that life gives you rough patches so you can appreciate the smiles that much more. Remember that your friends and family love you just as mulch as I do.

Don’t mourn for me, because I’m not gone. You can find me in the memories, the laughs, the tears. I’m with you, always.

I’ve taken the liberty of creating you a new bucket list. You can complete this in your own time, don’t feel rushed to do so. I just want you to remember that there is still life for you to live.

Learn how to cook

Stargaze from the track

Visit every state in America

Win the WDC

Find someone who makes you smile

Love your favorite person,

Y/N

P.S.: I’ll make sure Jules hasn’t been causing trouble in the afterlife

448 notes · View notes

cry4mina · 10 days

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BloodRedRoses

(Chaeyoung x fem!reader)

Word count: 4.1k

Angst/Smut

Summary: Best friends to ???

TW: weed, blood, sex, cheating, Sana?, mentions of Jihyo. I think that’s it.

A/N: hey hi hello! Happy Chae day (early edition!) pls enjoy! :)

*edit* my dumbass forgot to tag @nr1chaedickrider for the pics! 🖤

—

The couch is cold, leather against your face as you lay there numb, eyes freely releasing tears. Sniffling into the emptiness of your living room, reliving memories of you and your best friend’s last night of hanging out together.

—

“Chae! Let’s gooooo!” screaming from the edge of the sand. It’s 3 in the morning, humid as hell but she wanted to go to the beach. Her stress from her schedules made it hard for her to relax and you just wanted to see her smile.

God, her smile? She radiated diamonds when she giggled. Glowing and sparkling, refracting pure joy into everyone who saw it. It melted you instantly every time and she knew that.

Chaeyoung runs from your car, black sweatpants too big for her and your hoodie swallowing her whole, catching up to you and linking your arms together. Now she’s the one tugging you to the shoreline as you find your spot on the rundown lifeguard stand.

Studying the carvings of initials into the salt-soaked wood, taking your pocket knife out and getting to work on a new addition while Chae lights the joint carefully, taking a long drag and then passing it to you.

“Do you ever think about what the future holds?” exhaling the smoke as she stares into the waves from her seat on the rickety railing.

Joint hanging out of your mouth, looking up at her in awh, trying to actually hear what she just said. You were mesmerized by her, always.

“Y/n? You okay?” Glancing over to you with concern in her big brown eyes, knowing you had something to say and giving you the opportunity to speak your mind.

Panic flashes through you, pulling from the joint and then passing it back to her, trying to figure out what to say as she pokes you to tell her why you’ve been stuck in your own head.

“Yeah I’m okay.” melancholy laced in your words, continuing to carve a heart big enough to fit initials in, almost dissociating into the deepened grain of the wood. Imagining what life would be like with her as your girlfriend, you sigh heavily and she catches that too.

“You’ve been off for weeks…are you going to tell me what's up? I thought we told each other everything…” looking down at her hands and watching the smoke cascade off the joint before snuffing it out to relight later.

“Chae…” looking up at her again, immediately enthralled by her soft expression towards you. The care in her eyes visibly tracing your frame, waiting for you to let out what you’ve been holding in.

“I…like you.” immediately shutting your eyes and returning your attention to the carving trying to escape the discomfort of having just told your best friend of years that you had romantic feelings for her.

Through your peripherals you see her rotate to face you, expression dripping with grief, watching you chip away at the heart with your blade.

“Y/n…I’m kind of…seeing someone.”

—

Tear after tear falling from your eyes, face not even contorting at them anymore. The night you stopped speaking to Chaeyoung flashes in your mind at least three times a day, so the sting isn’t new but reliving that night definitely rubs salt into the wound.

It’s 2 in the morning when you decide it’s time to go to your favorite getaway location for the first time in about a month, wanting to create a new memory there by yourself so you can heal that part of you.

Rolling a joint for your adventure as you set off, trying to escape the sorrow of the wound that keeps reopening.

—

Arriving at the parking lot and parking in your usual spot, you sit for a second. Sniffling and ruminating in the disdain you were feeling for the crisp ocean air, taking in the changes to the setting around you.

Hedges still line the sides of the parking lot, a few palm trees sway in the breeze, beach roses consuming the foliage even more than before, blooming in the moonlight.

Stepping out of the car and walking over to the flowers, you smell the rich sweetness they give off and go to pick one for yourself, only to be pricked by the thorns immediately.

“Shit!” dropping the flower instantaneously, thorns sticking out of your finger. Pulling them out one by one under the moonlight, dripping blood onto the rose on the floor, staining it with the sanguine colored liquid.

Putting your finger in your mouth to ease the bleeding, you head towards the tranquility of the beach and the familiar place, the lifeguard shack, to be alone with your thoughts.

Climbing the slope and viewing the graffiti, more initials than before etched into the frame of the small shack that was raised off the ground to avoid the water.

The heart you chipped into the paint a month ago has someone’s initials in it that you didn’t put there…suspiciously, they’re your initials.

Perplexed by this, you try not to assume who added to your art installation as you light your joint, attempting to burn the ends evenly so it doesn’t canoe. Something you were never good at, that’s why Chae was always in charge of the weed.

Pulling on the joint as you stare into the sea and think about how much you miss her. The long silly conversations, the meaningful moments, the way she always got you a little snack when you were grumpy, her knowing your coffee order by heart, and it was understandable she did. She was your best friend.

Always showing you unconditional love, even through telling you about her new boyfriend, your memories slip back into the night you last spoke.

—

“Y/n…I’m kind of…seeing someone.” whispered to you through the waves, words causing a small wind within you, taking in the information that makes you nauseous.

Humidity sticks to every part of your skin, hiding the sweat from the rush of adrenaline when your hands start to shake. Seeing someone? Who? She hasn’t mentioned someone to you…

Spiraling at the thought of someone else taking that place in her life. Why hasn’t she mentioned her? Why wouldn’t she tell you about seeing someone? Weren’t you important to her?

“Y/n?…can you say something?” eyes shifting down at the floor. She knows what you’re going to say, just needing to hear it from your own lips before she assumes your next course of action.

“…I don’t have anything to say…” through soft tears you were hiding from her. They drip against your will, unable to hold them back when she gets up to hug you from behind. Hands on your stomach, cheek on your back and eyes closed, sniffling with you through the sadness.

“I don’t want to lose you…please say something…” the crack in her voice ruins you, reflecting the fracture she just chiseled into your heart.

“Who is it?” reverberates through your torso to her ears.

Chaeyoung can hear how shooken up you are, lungs quivering as you try to keep your breathing slow. She’s known for a while you felt this way, choosing to ignore it because she didn’t want you to vanish from her life because she wasn’t ready, only to assume you didn’t feel the same way now.

“I don’t think you truly want to hear about him…” replied coldly, still holding you tightly, unwilling to release you.

Heartbeat now racing at the pronoun she just laid out for you, realizing she was gripping you so tightly so you would run away from her.

“Him?! Chae I thought you we-” unhooking her from your body with some effort so you can face her, eyes drowning in your tears without your consent. You wipe the streams on your face, emotionally exhausted and sleep deprived.

She winces as you do. She knew this day was coming.

“Y/n, please just let me explain.” somewhat begging for you to hear her out, pulling on your sleeves and looking up at you, peering into your soul, framed in sadness.

“I’m happy for you…Can we leave?” flatly falls from your tongue.

“Y/n, please…” begging for another moment with you.

“Chae, I want to leave.”

—

It rings in your ears.

“Y/n please…”

Hearing it clear as day in your mind. You haven’t heard her voice since that night and thinking about it just pulls at your heart strings, playing the melody of regret for words unspoken.

Back against the front wall of the guard station, sliding down slowly until you were firmly seated on the ground. Pressing the filter of the joint to your lips and pulling a huge drag before you ash on the floorboards, watching the breeze sweep away the dust of gray and white.

Calm quiet waves and the weed comfort you through the ache of not having her around. Chest always swelling at the thought of her, wondering if she was happy, wondering if she remembered to eat that day…does he treat her right?

Sighing into the darkness, another pull, another ash, another gust as you sit in the depths of your emotions. Allowing your brain to take you through your thoughts of Chaeyoung without resistance.

“i was hoping you’d show up here eventually…Is this seat taken?” cuts through your mind's eye like a cleaver, startling you. Looking over to see a pair of familiar pajamas and an oversized hoodie, black hair flowing down from under the hood.

Those big brown puppy dog eyes glancing down at you, seeing your disheveled state, studying the faint tear streams down your cheeks and the small wet circular water marks on the floor beneath you. Pouting at you…Chae always hated to see you so sad. Especially because of the decision she made to date someone that wasn’t you.

Unsure of what to say, you just raised the joint up to her- extending an olive branch, a peace offering.

This made her absolutely beam at you, taking her place next to you and happily puffing away at the joint, giving a satisfied shimmy of the events currently taking place before plopping down next to you in the wooden floor.

Unable to contain yourself, you giggle as your body finally lets you relax. She was here, everything was going to be okay…right? Even with a false sense of security her presence gave you, you wished you could shake the feeling of missing her.

Exhaling quickly and turning to face you, making sure to make eye contact as she nudges your shoulder playfully.

“I missed you, dummy.” through the smallest smile you’ve ever seen, she was just too precious and you were completely wrapped around her finger.

“I missed you too…how are…things?” hesitantly questioning how her life was going, worried about the answer.

“Better now.” pulling the joint again before handing it back to you carefully. You wished she wouldn’t do that. Implying that you improve her life when you know who she’s calling every night before bed.

Shifting your focus to anything but what she just said, fixating on her hands, tracing over her finger tattoos with your eyes before grabbing the joint between your own fingers, lightly putting it out.

Feeling her energy was almost enough, the decompression of your muscles from just being near her was substantial enough to push the devastation away, even if it was temporary.

“How is he?” reluctantly flows through clenched teeth, oozing jealousy and spite.

“He’s…good.” tapping her fingers against her knees as she curls within herself, knowing you’re only asking because you feel obligated to. Knowing you’re hoping for a different answer.

Nodding your head and biting the inside of your cheek, fiddling with the ankle cuff if your joggers and trying to keep yourself seated. Discomfort sneaks in, thoughts of her being happy with someone else being a wave of nausea, imitating sea sickness as you wobble a little in the feeling.

The signs of your care for each other was always there, you were just too nervous to face her about them and she was anticipating you making the first move. There were plenty of moments to do so and you just couldn’t bring yourself to say anything sooner. Locked in your own fear, ruining your own chance.

“Can I ask you something?” Chae's curious eyes peeked up at you while resting her chin on her knees, a pout placed on her perfect lips.

“Yeah.” refusing eye contact out of a familiar fear, wondering if she was going to ask where you were or where you’d been.

“Why’d you stop taking my calls?” cheek now resting on her knees, you can see how she’s trying to calm her breathing through the difficult question. Never being one to ask them, hating confrontation but she had to know why you took so many steps back from her. She just need to hear you say it.

A deep breath, eyes shifting anywhere but on her. How were you supposed to tell her the truth?

“I…uhm…didn’t want to talk to you.” little lies through your clenched teeth, grinding away at your heart like sandpaper.

“Don’t lie to me.” Chae’s brows furrow as she lets out a little annoyed shriek. It’s hard not to giggle at her when she makes what she would call her “angy” face at you. It’s too cute to be considered “angy.”

“Fine.” Sighing heavily and turning to face her, hands roughly running down your face as you prepare to tell her what she definitely already knew. Swallowing roughly, deep breath, and go!

“I stopped talking to you because it’s hard to see someone else making you so happy…I wanted it to be me…and with how we are or I guess were, with each other I thought that’s what you wanted too.” attempting to not sniffle as the tears trickle down your cheeks again, stinging your eyes and adding to the salt on your face.

Feeling a warmth on your right side and the pressure of a head resting on your shoulder, you lean into Chae and continue to silently cry a little harder.

Tears staining her hoodie as they fall, a hand reaches around you and holds your waist, lightly scratching in an attempt to comfort you.

“You’re right, you know.” matter of factly uttered through the breeze of the early morning hours surrounding you.

“About what?” lifting your head to look at her while she elaborates on what she means.

“That is what I wanted…I just didn’t think you wanted to try because you never said anything or reacted when I dropped hints” nervously from her shaky lips while her own tears fell, her face now matching yours in the same sorrow.

“What? When did you drop hints?” confusion layered your words heavily, racking your brain for Chae’s attempts to show her feelings, completely oblivious to any hints she might’ve dropped along the way.

“Come on, don’t pretend like you don’t remember. I would always hold your hand, cling to you, cuddle with you…we even made out a few times over the years.” frustrated at your lack of knowledge, even though she never blatantly told you the level of what she was experiencing.

“Chae, we were young…I thought you were just an affectionate person or that it wasn’t serious. Like how Sana is?” a weak attempt to defend yourself from not making a move or telling her sooner.

“Sana likes you.” cold, flat tone, maybe a hint of jealousy uttered from her lips, body language shifting to show a little discomfort.

“What?!” complete shock consumes you, trying to take in the overwhelming amount of data you just received.

“Yeah, that’s why I never invited her to hang out with us after the first time…I didn’t want her to be that close to you” grief weighs her voice down to a whisper, the confession fresh even after years.

“Chae why would yo-” hands cupping your face almost immediately. She presses her lips on yours, tears mix into a painful spiral of what could’ve been between you.

Stiffening at the contact, you aren’t really sure what to do at the moment. Fighting to not lean into it, but not wanting to pull away either. She pulls away for a second to look at your face before placing one hand on your hip, pulling you into her, laying her lip on you again.

Not being able to help yourself after years of pining, you melt into it, quickly turning heated as she slides her tongue in your mouth. Her hands feel so comfortable on your skin, wrapping around your waist under your shirt, fidgeting with the hem of your pants laid on your hips.

Pulling away to press her forehead against yours, her hand descends down into your underwear before she whispers into your mouth.

“Is this okay?” eye contact is absolutely excruciating, completely drenching you in the dream you were living. Nodding your head aggressively and pulling her back into you for more.

The passionate make out session she started completely derailing into a full blown hook up, moaning into her while she’s gathering your wetness on her fingers to make small circles on your clit, eliciting more of the sweet sounds she wished she heard years ago.

There’s no way you’ll get caught here, it’s almost 3 am and the sounds of the sea will cover any noise you make so you allow yourself to be loud for her so she can see how badly you need her and how badly you want her.

Chae slides a finger into you, eliciting a gasp that she swallows whole. Curling her fingers up, you’re grinding into her palm and chasing the pleasure she knew she was giving you.

Breaking from the kiss, laying her lips down your cheek to your jaw and then to your neck. Biting down on your pulse point coaxing more whines from you.

“That’s right, baby, let me hear you,” softly spoken into your ear before she ran her teeth over your lobe, tugging at the skin, and resting her chin on your shoulder before whimpering when she felt your hand rubbing into her over her sweat pants.

Suddenly pulling her finger out and replacing it with two, she takes your hand and pushes it into her harder so you can feel how wet she is under her sweatpants.

“Can I..?” half moaned, clenching around her digits tightly, pressing into her so the seam of her sweats hits just the right spot.

“Not yet, gotta take care of you first” whined into your neck, still pumping her fingers deep into you at a steady rhythm, you thrust into her hands as you feel the knot tightening into your stomach.

“Fuck, chae…I’m gonna cum” hips sputtering, let out a string of obscenities and moans out, next to her ear.

Chae immediately removes her hands from you, kisses you and stands up, unable to look you in the eyes.

“I’m sorry.” walking away and down the slope of the life guard tower, leaving you to figure out your feelings and question everything that’s ever happened between the two of you and wondering why she would fuck you just to leave you here feeling unloved and unwanted.

—

“Do you think dinner will be weird?” Sana asks from the passenger seat of your car as you pull into the parking garage in front of Jihyo’s apartment building.

“I don’t think so. At least I hope it’s not. It’s been a while since I have seen her, so I can avoid her through conversation with everyone else.” putting the car into park and looking over at your lovely girlfriend of a few months.

Her eyes soften, she knows the details of what happened that night at the beach. Sana knows how detrimental that memory is to you, but it was Jihyo’s birthday and you were a good friend. You weren’t going to miss it because of Chaeyoung.

“Alright, Honey. But if you get uncomfortable, please let me know. I don’t want you to put your own mental health at risk for the sake of a small party, okay?” Placing her hand on your cheek to make sure you keep eye contact with her.

Putting your hand on hers, you move it over and kiss her palm lightly. She giggles at you, before leaning in to lay her lips on yours.

“Thank you, baby.” smiling at her after pulling away, getting out of the driver's side door and walking around the other side to open hers, offering your hand out for her to hold while she steps out of the car, intertwining her fingers with yours and squeezing softly.

—

“Oh my god! Y/n! It’s been so long!” Jihyo runs at you and envelopes you in a bear hug before giving you a once over, taking in how you’re glowing and happy.

“You look good!” knowing the last time she saw you was when a week or two after the beach incident. You didn’t have to tell her what happened for her to understand who it involved and why you were distraught.

“I’m so happy to see you and that smile of yours again. Thank you for dragging her out of the house, Sana.” giving a wink and then passing you off to the others, giving them a chance to greet you.

Everyone gave a similar reaction to seeing you as Jihyo, except the one person you expected to barely interact with. A small wave behind an even smaller smile.

“It’s good to see you.” eyes on the floor, hands awkwardly fiddling with themselves, feet shuffling and biting the inside of her cheek. Her anxious tells were showing in full force and you weren’t the only one to notice it.

Sana places her hand on your lower back, rubbing small circles to soothe you through this uncomfortable exchange.

“Good to see you too, Chae.” before stepping away to gather with the rest of the girls to start the birthday festivities, finding you and Sana’s seats next to each other with Chaeyoung placed at the complete opposite end of the table.

—

Stepping outside for a second to get some fresh air, being too full to even think about the discomfort of Chaeyoung being within such close proximity. You lean against the railing of the patio taking in the calmness of the night sky when the door opens behind you and closes softly.

Without even having to look, you already know who’s present behind you. A long sigh expels from your lungs, you know what’s coming.

“We broke up… I broke up with him…I’ve been trying to get into contact with you since the night after…the beach.” stated before you could even blink.

Finding a place next to you on the railing, she pulls out a joint and lights it before trying to hand it to you. Politely declining, she takes a few pulls and then speaks again.

“After that night…I couldn’t get you out of my head. Every time he touched me, I wished it was you.” Glancing to see what emotions were present on your face, finding stoicism where love used to be.

“I blocked you that night, Chae…can we not do th-” she pushes your shoulder to open up your stance and takes a step towards you, getting close to your face trying to initiate something more than she should.

Tilting her head lightly and leaning into you as you take a huge step back from her, you tell her the absolute truth.

“Chae, we can’t do this. More importantly, I don’t want to do this. You had the opportunity and you wasted it. You used me that night at the beach for your own selfish gain and then left me there…alone. Cheating on your boyfriend and ruining our friendship on the same night…I don’t want to date someone like you.” stern in your words as you relive the night in your mind, again and again. Still grieving the past.

“I thought the love we had was pure and I’m trying to keep that memory alive so please, don’t remind me of what you did.” Stepping towards the door, pulling it open as fast as possible. You needed to get away from her. Now.

“I’m sorry.” muffled by her tears and the creaking of the hinges as you try to run away when she grabs your wrist and places something in your hands, not bothering to look at it before leaving her outside.

Not wanting to show your emotions to Sana, you rush into the bathroom before she can see the state you’re in.

Closing the door behind you and flipping the bright fluorescent lights on, you look into your hand and see a dried up beach rose that’s stained with dark crimson. You stare at it as you remember the thorns, looking at the tip of your finger where the scars were from that night.

Into the garbage it went as quickly as you saw it. Splashing cold water on your face, arms locked, leaning on the chilled porcelain sink trying to collect yourself so you can be present for the rest of the party when you hear a knock at the door.

“Baby? Are you in there?” the sweet voice warms your heart, as you turn the knob and crack the door to let Sana in.

“Oh, honey” immediately grabbing you to hold you while you silently sob into her. Rubbing your back and telling you that you were safe but you couldn’t help but keep wishing it was Chaeyoung. Always wishing it was Chaeyoung .

#twice imagines #twice x reader #kpop x reader #sana x reader #wlw #twice smut #twice sana #twice fic #minatozaki sana #son chaeyoung imagine #son chaeyoung #son chaeyoung x reader #chaeyoung x fem!reader #angst4ChaePookums

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avelera · 1 year

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I think one reason social class stuff is such a big part of how I write Dreamling is because, at its core if you accept them as a couple, if Hob and Dream are some level of perfect for each other, destined for each other maybe not literally but perfectly matched thanks to the supernatural omniscience of someone like Death setting them up together on purpose based on her greater knowledge of all living things, then it is such a powerfully egalitarian message for a romance.

If Hob really is the one person in all of existence that can handle Dream's bullshit, if he was only given the chance and the time for them to grow into being partners to one another, it's such an insanely profound message. It means that out of billions and billions of people over billions and billions of years, a commoner, a literal peasant was born with the qualities to be a match for one of the most powerful beings in the universe. That being born into the right class be it titles or riches or magical birth right don't actually matter as far as what makes two people suited to each other.

Even if you narrow it to just, say, the sweep of human history, that Death only picked a partner for Dream best suited for these few thousand years of written human history, maybe just for the lifetime of our planet, the message still holds without going all cosmic.

It means that an entirely normal person with no blood right at all, no inherent magical powers, no divine destiny, nothing to distinguish him even from the other soldiers at his table, someone who was born into one of the worst time periods to live through, living an entirely average life that would never make it into any history books except as a footnote, one of billions of people the great stories will simply forget, actually was extraordinary in a way that might have otherwise gone unappreciated but Hob would still have been here, his life still would have happened even if he never got the chance to explore the full potential of his resilience to immortality and his love of life.

If Hob's superpower that allows him to be a match for Dream is simply wanting to live so much that he can withstand the gift of immortality on a level that we rarely see in fiction, that alone is huge. Just some guy from a rainy little island with an entirely common profession of being some peasant soldier, manages to withstand the hardships of time better than immortal beings who were literally born into that existence and into the power and theoretically the supernatural comfort to polish away a lot of the day to day trials that would make living as a human for that span incredibly difficult, like hunger, and losing loved ones, and the daily grind of hardship.

Dream has all this power at his disposal, he is a being of the ultimate privilege. He can literally craft a realm for his comfort, people to be his companions who are best suited to serve him and his needs. Yes he is bound by a function but even that function is one of the richest parts of life: stories and songs and joy and sorrow. The things we toil for the rest of our life so we can carve out the time to indulge in those things. The truly great experiences. That's his job. Not saying it couldn't wear on you, only that it's not like he's Despair or Destruction or even Destiny, bound to helplessly watch all of time unfurl when you already know what's going to happen. Dream has one of the most desirable roles of all of the Endless, at least in theory. He's completed insulated by supernatural levels of privilege: powerful, male-presenting, beautiful, a literal monarch, with a kingdom of beings designed to serve him. The one inherent difficulty he might be argued to have is some form of clinical depression and of course the general traumas that accumulate over so long a lifetime. Not to dismiss it, or say he's not allowed to suffer, profoundly from this and what he's experienced, just to be clear that others have suffered from those things too without the other tools he has at his disposal. He is desperately alone and lonely too, which honestly makes it even more profound for him to have someone who wants to reach out to him.

So to say that Hob, who was not born with any of those privileges or tools, indeed, was born into one of history's most difficult centuries at a time when England was nothing more than a backwater and, yes, Hob is white and male and able bodied, etc, he does not have those privilege marks against him and that will mean more as time goes on and England rises to be a world-dominating superpower and being from there will evolve into a true privilege, but keep in mind, Hob's also from a time where his class, his birth mean he doesn't actually count as part of the "in crowd" of privileged people. He could never be part of his own government, he would not be invited to read or write or be any sort of force in the world. Until the century he was born into it was a vanishingly small likelihood someone like him could ever be more than a serf, legally bound to remain a serf no matter any ambition he might have had. If not for the extreme population loss of the Black Plague granting social mobility out of necessity, Hob could have lived and died as a serf, leaving no other record of his existence.

Instead, Hob's joy, his will to live, and his resilience to withstand eternity that he has as just one of his human qualities, puts him on a level with actual literal gods and creatures more powerful than gods. It means that there is no blood right or inherent structure that makes Dream better than him such that Hob would be inherently a poor match. It means just a guy, out of trillions, was best suited to be the lover of something as old as the universe and more powerful than a god. Because he could handle Dream's bullshit. Because his inherent joy and resilience made him a match to someone who more than anything needs someone like him who can put up with their bullshit, withstand it, look forward to seeing him, actually long for his presence in a way none of Dream's peers do.

That's just... wow I know I'm explaining myself in circle at this point, but I just can't get over it sometimes. Maybe it's the history buff in me just obsessing over someone so, so minor in the grand sweep of history being matched with someone so singularly powerful in this universe as Dream. But if you go with the popular headcanon that Death picked Hob just for the reason of being the best person in the world to be at least Dream's friend but maybe his lover and eventual partner, wow, that really just says something about birth and blood and magic not being the measure of any single beings actual importance to one another, I'm obsessed with it.

#dreamling #the sandman #sandman meta #shipping manifesto

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smnthvxe · 2 months

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Chapter 1: The Past Echoes

Chapter 2 , last chapter

Readers point to view

The sun dipped below the horizon in Sumeru, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink as I closed the shop for the evening. The little coffee shop, once just a dream, had become my sanctuary, a place where laughter and the rich aroma of coffee beans filled the air. Yet, amidst the hustle and bustle, my heart harbored a quiet sorrow, a longing for the one who had once been my everything—Kunikuzushi.

Our life together seemed like a distant memory, a fleeting moment of happiness that had slipped through my fingers like grains of sand. I remembered his smile, the way his eyes lit up when he laughed, and the warmth of his touch. But those memories were overshadowed by the pain of his departure, the day he walked away, leaving me with nothing but silence and a heart full of unanswered questions.

"I wonder where you are now," I murmured to the empty room, allowing myself a moment of vulnerability. The walls of the coffee shop, adorned with pictures and trinkets from our travels, echoed back my solitude.

Nights were the hardest, when the world fell silent, and the weight of his absence felt unbearable. I would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, imagining scenarios where he would return, where he would explain why he left and we could start over. But as the dawn broke, reality would set in, and I'd brace myself for another day without him.

One evening, as the final rays of sunlight vanished, leaving the world in twilight, a figure appeared at the door of the coffee shop. My heart skipped a beat, a foolish part of me hoping against hope. But it wasn't him; it never was. Instead, it was a traveler, seeking refuge in the warmth of the shop and a cup of coffee to ease their journey.

"I heard this place serves the best coffee in Sumeru," A blond traveler remarked, breaking the silence.

" Yeah! Yeah! I bet her coffee can make Paimon jerk off all of the pain from that mean-rude-annoying hat guy!?" The little fairy spoke

I chuckled, pouring them a cup. "I hope it does little one."

As they settled down, the blond traveler—known as Aether shared tales of their adventures, of the people they'd met and the wonders they'd seen. And for a brief moment, I allowed their stories to transport me away from my sorrow, to remind me of the joy and beauty in the world. The world he promised to explore.

But as the night drew to a close and Aether thanked me for the hospitality, I was left alone once again with my thoughts. I wondered if Scaramouche ever thought of me, if he ever regretted leaving. The rational part of me knew it was futile to dwell on what could have been, but the heart is seldom ruled by reason.

I busied myself with cleaning up, trying to shake off the thought. "You need to move on," I whispered to myself, a mantra I repeated every day, yet found so hard to practice.

One day, curiosity got the better of me, and I ventured out, seeking any trace of him. I traveled to Inazuma, to the places we had once explored together, hoping to find closure, to finally let go of the past. But instead of peace, I found only echoes of our time together, reminders of the love we shared and the pain of his departure.

As I stood in front of our old home, now abandoned and falling into disrepair, tears filled my eyes. "Why did you leave, Scaramouche? Why did you break us?" I whispered, the questions lingering in the air, unanswered.

I realized then that I might never get the closure I sought, that some wounds take longer to heal, and some questions remain unanswered. But I also understood that I couldn't live in the shadow of his memory forever.

"Oh? Who you might be?"

A voice spoke from behind, i turned around to see a Kitsune-like woman with a shrine dress.

"I was.." you cutted " Visiting something"

"Visiting you mean that house over there? Sorry to say this dear but that house is already abandoned. "

She pointed to our shared home at the nearby hill.

"Yes, I know. I was just- recollecting some old memories"

By that she smirked and I bid my farewell, walking away.

With a heavy heart, I returned to Sumeru, to my coffee shop, my haven. I poured my soul into my work, creating a space filled with warmth and happiness, a stark contrast to the emptiness I felt inside.

As days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, I slowly began to rebuild my life. I found joy in the simple pleasures, in the smiles of my customers, and also I became good friends with Aether, he would often visit my shop to drink coffee and share his adventures with me. My interest perked up as he said something about fighting a false god along with Buer. You were always a fan of sumeru's Archon that's why you choose to move there.

There are some days where I close the shop, drinking bitter coffee (which reminds you of Scaramouche) alone reflecting every moment I have spent with him.

And though I may never fully understand why he left, I've come to accept that some chapters in our lives must come to an end, to make way for new beginnings. So, I continue to move forward, one day at a time, carrying the lessons of the past and the hope for a brighter future.

In the quiet moments, when the world slows down, and I find myself lost in thought, I whisper a silent wish for Scaramouche, wherever he may be. "I hope you've found your peace," I say, letting my words drift into the ether, a final goodbye to a love that once was. But.. If ever he'll come back ...

A/N : hehe kinda rushed lmao

(You may notice some grammatical errors cus yk im kinda writing this and studying for our exam)

#Scaramouche #wanderer #genshin inazuma #genshin imagines #genshin scaramouche #genshin x reader #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact #genshin x you #scaramouche angst #scaramouche x you #wanderer x reader #wanderer genshin #sumeru #genshin angst #kunikuzushi #angst #slow burn #fanfic

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bbobpul · 10 months

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lost, but not in you — jjh

PAIRING. jaehyun x reader SUMMARY. taking a drive around anaheim with jaehyun, and reader reminisce about the hardest part of their relationship GENRE. fluff, angst W/C. 1.5k NOTE. i love niki and jaehyun so much that i had to write a story inspired by her song and make it about him. also #1to7YearsWith127 (/° 0°)/→ my other works

jaehyun embodies the epitome of patience and love, serving as a living testament to compassion and understanding. he is not merely a companion, but rather my unwavering guide—a beacon of light that pierces through the darkest moments—and my ultimate confidant on speed dial.

i consider myself incredibly fortunate to have jaehyun by my side as i navigate the ups and downs of life. amidst the whirlwind of my extracurricular commitments, he selflessly takes on the burden of completing my other works, freeing me from overwhelming pressures. during times of sorrow, he refrains from hastily wiping away my tears, understanding the importance of letting me embrace my vulnerability without feeling the need to immediately regain composure, he willingly immerses himself in the joy of simple moments, meticulously stringing up christmas lights alongside me, and ensuring i stay hydrated by buying water after every physical education class when we were younger.

every seemingly mundane act he performs holds profound meaning—a testament to his unwavering devotion. jaehyun's constant presence throughout my journey of growth and discovery has transformed him into an inseparable part of my life, a constant reminder of the incredible person he is.

"hey, is everything alright?" he asks, a concerned look on his face. "you've been pretty quiet lately."

"just lost in my thoughts," i reply, my voice tinged with a hint of introspection.

"what's been on your mind?" he probes, genuine curiosity shining through.

"just a bunch of things, you know?" i answer, my tone suggesting a mix of contemplation and uncertainty.

"you sure you're alright?" he persists, his caring nature evident. "how about we go for a drive? just cruising around anaheim."

there's jaehyun, always somehow attuned to the inner workings of my mind, sensing my emotions without me even saying a word. he knows me better than anyone else, and that's what makes him so special.

i smile faintly at his concern, appreciating his ability to sense when something's bothering me. taking a drive with him around anaheim sounds like a comforting idea, a chance to clear my mind and perhaps find solace in his company.

"yeah, a drive sounds nice," i reply, my voice reflecting a mix of gratitude and longing. "let's go."

jaehyun's touch is gentle yet firm as he takes hold of my wrist, encouraging me to rise from my seat. we make our way up to the parking lot, where the bustling atmosphere threatens to engulf us. there, he holds me with such tenderness, as if afraid that i would slip away amidst the sea of people. his grip provides a comforting anchor, a silent reassurance that i am not alone in navigating the overwhelming world around us.

as we cruise along the road, jaehyun's animated voice fills the air, carrying his excitement for a future event that is still months away.

he enthusiastically discusses his plans of getting a real tree for this year's christmas—a small yet significant detail that warms my heart.

it is in these seemingly ordinary moments that i find solace, realizing that he not only cherishes our present connection but also envisions a future together. his words paint a picture of shared joy and anticipation, and it brings genuine happiness to my soul, knowing that he sees me as an integral part of his life.

"i mean, we could always stick with the old one," i suggest, a hint of hesitation in my voice.

jaehyun turns to me, a playful glint in his eyes. "but babe, we've had that tree for two whole years now. i think it's about time we switch things up and embrace a little change," he replies, his tone filled with gentle persuasion.

"yeah, you're right," i concede, acknowledging the practicality of considering our options with ample time. "we still have a lot of time to think about it."

jaehyun's response, however, carries a deeper sentiment. his words resonate with unwavering conviction, emphasizing his desire to make each passing winter season truly memorable. "whether it's months away or tomorrow, i want this year to be special," he declares, his voice brimming with a sense of unwavering commitment.

"i've loved you through three winters now, honey, and i want to spend all of my winters with you." his assurance flows effortlessly, as if he instinctively knows what my heart needs, even when i haven't explicitly voiced my concerns. his love for me radiates through his words, reassuring me that our connection is steadfast and enduring.

love endures. it's true, our journey hasn't always been smooth sailing. we've faced our fair share of challenges and obstacles along the way, but it's through those trials that our bond has grown stronger.

we've weathered storms, navigated through rough patches, and faced difficult moments that tested our commitment. yet, through it all, we've found the strength to endure, to hold on to the love we share. each hurdle has become an opportunity for growth and learning, as we've discovered the depths of our resilience and the power of our connection.

flashback, 4 years ago

ah, the stubbornness of our youth. i can relate. we've had our fair share of pushing people away and then desperately pulling them back into our lives, trapped in a toxic and exhausting cycle. life hasn't been particularly kind to me lately, but somehow, amidst the chaos, jaehyun remains steadfast by my side.

i often find myself wondering how he possesses such immense patience and endurance to withstand my unpredictable moods and behaviors. it's as if he possesses this innate ability to untangle the tangled threads in my mind with ease and tenderness.

"because i love you," he utters those words, calmly and unwaveringly, even when i snap at him. this period of my life has been anything but easy, yet he has remained a constant presence, a pillar of support.

it's not the first time he has spoken those words to me, offering his unwavering love and understanding. in response to his gentle declaration, all i can muster is a heartfelt apology.

"i'm sorry, jaehyun," i say, my voice laced with sincerity.

and like countless times before, his answer echoes with unwavering consistency, "i know."

the words he speaks are filled with immense consideration and love, as he delicately asks, "do you need space, baby? i understand that you're feeling lost right now."

overwhelmed by emotions, i can't find the words to respond. but he continues, his voice a gentle whisper, "i know you're tired, and truth be told, i am too. i don't want to pressure you into defining our relationship with labels. none of that matters to me. what truly matters is you. i just want you to know that if there ever comes a time when you can't promise me tomorrow, i will. and if there ever comes a time when you feel unable to promise me anything at all, i will still be here. i will patiently wait until you feel worthy of love, until you feel capable of loving. i will search for you in every corner of this world, but only when you're ready to be found. i will strive to give you everything, to make you feel cherished. so, please, my love."

his heartfeltwords wash over me, leaving me in awe of his unwavering devotion and understanding.

it's undeniable that i struggle with feeling incapable of loving and unworthy of his affection. it's a persistent sentiment that lingers within me, no matter how much time i've spent growing up with him, nearly my entire life intertwined with his. despite our shared history, i can't shake the sensation that i'll never truly grasp the familiarity of this path we're on.

"just be honest with me, y/n," he pleads, his voice filled with a mix of hope and vulnerability.

"i'm so sorry, jaehyun," i whisper, a hint of sadness tingling my words. "baby, i would give anything to stop time and wholeheartedly commit to you. i want to share all of my tomorrows with you. i am lost, but not in you, not because of you. i don't need space, jaehyun. in fact, i want you right here, by my side. i want you here, just here, with me."

in that moment, i bare my soul, expressing my deepest desires and vulnerabilities. despite my own internal struggles, i recognize the immense value and significance of having him by my side. his presence brings comfort and stability in a world that often seems overwhelming. i long for him to understand that, although i may be grappling with my own sense of direction, his love is a guiding light, a source of strength that anchors me in the present.

——— ♡

those moments of hardship have shaped us, teaching us valuable lessons about patience, understanding, and forgiveness. we have learned to communicate better, to support each other, and to find solace in knowing that we are in this together.

our journey hasn't always been easy, but it's precisely because of those challenges that our love stands firm today. we know the depth of our commitment, and we appreciate the beauty of the endurance we've built together. it's a testament to our shared strength and the unwavering love that binds us, transcending any obstacles that may come our way.

#jeong jaehyun #jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun fluff #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 fluff #jaehyun angst #yo0nzino #nct 127 x reader #nct 127 x y/n #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun au #nct x reader #nct angst #nct fluff #nct imagines #Spotify

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farity · 20 days

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Sorrow, part 15

"Your Highness."

Aemond looked up from his papers to see Ser Criston Cole standing at the doorway of his study. "Yes?"

"The queen is insisting on seeing Jacaerys Velaryon."

Much to Cole's surprise, Aemond nodded.

"My prince, I -"

"I believe it is time," Aemond said, standing, "for you to decide if your loyalty to my mother supersedes your loyalty to the crown and to me."

Cole simply stared for a few moments, and Aemond continued.

"I have valued your service and dedication to our family these long years. I have learned much from you. But I am well aware that your debt to my mother has long tinged your service with immeasurable devotion."

Cole bowed. "I am at your service, Prince Regent. As always."

"Whereas my mother has accepted your immeasurable devotion, I believe in measure and restraint, so while I sit the throne, I need to know where you stand."

"My duty is to the throne. To you."

"And if my sister goes to see Jacaerys Velaryon, will your next move be to go tell my mother?"

Cole opened his mouth but said nothing.

One corner of Aemond's mouth rose ever so slightly, and he nodded, almost to himself. "Let the queen see our guest, accompanied by her maid, and bring me a list of all the men that serve with you."

* * * * *

"If you do anything bad, you will be killed, Jace."

As soon as Elyse had learned that Helaena was going to see Jace - because Helaena herself couldn't stop herself from sharing the news - she decided to go along. If someone like Ser Criston Cole or Ser Otto Hightower, or even the dowager queen, decided to interfere, Helaena's maid could not stop them.

But Elyse could.

At least, she would do her best.

So she stood a few feet away, giving Helaena and Jace enough privacy, but still close enough where if things went wrong, she could act immediately.

Helaena had stood in front of the cell for all of three seconds before Jace rose from his corner and grabbed her hands, which were wrapped around two of the bars. "You should not be here," he'd said gently, but had not let go of her.

They'd whispered to each other for a bit, and she'd seen Helaena give Jace a shy smile.

"There has been enough killing," she told him now. "And you, I mean, and I, we could, maybe-"

"You are still married to Aegon."

Helaena blinked. "Aegon will never again claim his husband's rights. He's-"

Elyse cleared her throat. She had to think of all the possibilities here, and if Jace was still plotting against the crown, the knowledge that Aegon was no longer capable of ruling might be a way to rally his supporters against the Prince Regent.

"If we are to be together, if I am to accept this, I don't want it to be a secret, like some unsavory thing that must be kept hidden. I would marry you, Helaena, I would choose you as my wife and keep you safe and have the entire realm know it."

Elyse smiled to herself. Helaena had told her so much about Jace and how much she liked him. She had accepted her fate, her marriage to Aegon and all, as he had accepted his betrothal to Baela as a political need.

But he had always been kind to her. And to Helaena, who was understood by so few, the memory of Jace had never faded.

Jace pulled Helaena's hands through the cell bars and kissed them reverently before she smiled at him and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

* * * * *

"I would speak to him again, see his countenance as we discuss my sister before I place her in any danger."

Aemond was tapping his fingers on the desk, and Elyse knew he was worried, that he loved Helaena so much and she had endured so much as Aegon's wife that he would not do anything to make her endure any more.

She watched him, wondering how anyone could think him unfeeling, uncaring, cold. When he glanced at her, she smiled. "Helaena will appreciate that."

"You seem very interested in her happiness."

"Of course I am, she is lovely, and she is my sister. I would see her find some joy in her private life."

Aemond rose slowly, circling around the desk until he could take Elyse's face in his hands and kiss her. "And do you, wife, have joy in your private life?"

She smiled against his lips. "You must know that I do, my lord husband."

"Lady wife," he whispered, "you have brought me a lot of joy as well. I thank the Seven every day for you."

* * * * *

"Aemond, this is not happening. Let me through!"

A minute later, Aemond opened the door, wearing only sleep pants, and nodded to the guard to let his mother in. Alicent walked in, and lowered her eyes the moment she realized Elyse was sitting up in the bed, holding the sheets up to her breasts.

"I am sorry, Your Highness, I did not wish to put hands on Her Grace to prevent her from screaming."

"Of course," Aemond responded, "back to your post." He closed the door as the guard left and then, ignoring his mother, went back to the bed and whispered something to Elyse. She nodded and he reached into the wardrobe in the corner to retrieve her robe.

Alicent turned, sighing, as Aemond finished helping Elyse, who scurried to the bathing chamber the moment she was covered.

"So tell me, mother, what is so important that you must break your confinement to your rooms and come to scream at my door."

Alicent's eyes held a sliver of defiance at the words, and she raised her chin, taking a moment to compose herself. "You cannot marry your sister to that bastard."

"I am aware this is the second time you have said 'no' to this alliance, and you should consider how much might have been avoided if you had only said 'yes' instead, all those years ago."

"She is married to Aegon!"

Elyse reappeared, her hair now pulled back into a loose braid, her robe firmly tied around her.

"Given his state, the marriage could be annulled. It has been done before, even with children born of the union."

Alicent's mouth dropped open and Aemond smirked.

"I would not sentence Helaena to a lifetime of loneliness just so we can pretend she and Aegon have a true marriage."

"The crown must-"

"The crown will survive it. Because the alliance will bring peace to the realm and once we all stop killing one another there shall be prosperity again."

Alicent shook her head. "He will want to reign. As Helaena's husband, as the queen's husband, he will-"

"Your Grace, Aemond has thought of everything. That would not happen."

"What do you know, girl?" Alicent muttered. "Or shall you call yourself the Princess Regent and wear a crown as well?"

"Guards," Aemond said quietly.

* * * * *

"A shadow lifts and the sun brings warmth again."

Elyse said nothing. She did not understand many things that Helaena said, but she looked at her and smiled nonetheless.

The ship taking Alicent, Ser Criston Cole, and Ser Otto Hightower to Essos grew smaller and smaller, and while guilt threatened to tear Aemond apart, Elyse knew that he was convinced it was the only way.

It would never stop. They would keep trying to undermine Aemond's decisions, to interfere with his attempts to stop this war that threatened to take everyone down.

"Daeron should be here in a few days," he said, still looking at the ship. "You will like him, he is kind."

Elyse squeezed her husband's hand. "You are kind."

He looked at her, looking confused.

"You are." She smiled. "You hide it well, but you are."

When Aemond smiled back, Elyse felt some of the tension leave his shoulders.

Helaena walked around Elyse and reached up to kiss her brother's cheek. "You are my favorite." She looked from him to Elyse and back. "Do not tell Daeron."

* * * * *

#aemond targaryen #aemond fanfiction #hotd fanfic #hotd fanfiction #aemond x oc #aemond targaryen fanfic

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quietlyimplode · 7 months

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Whumptober Masterlist 2023

Masterlist of fic

(Warnings at the start of every chapter, please be kind to yourself. Gif not mine; I do not possess that kind of power. This will be updated with links as we go and when placed on ao3 will be updated with the link. A lot of these can be read as one shots (I’ll try and mark the ones that can be read as such with a *) but together make a whole story; the story of how Clint and Natasha got married.)

the language of flowers and silent things.

2011 - Kashmir (how many fingers am I holding up) *

1984 - Russia (I’ll call out your name but you won’t call back) *

1984 - Iowa (make it stop) *

2012 - New York (shock)

2012 - New York (it’s broken)

1999 - Iowa (made to watch)*

2013 - New York / Wichita Falls (radio silence)

2013 - New York (it’s all for nothing)

1994 - Ohio (Polaroid) *

2014 - Budapest (you said you’d never leave)

2014 - Singapore (Captivity)

2014 - Singapore / Malaysia (Red) <now with amazing art by @oceanspirit9 >

2009 - New York (I don’t feel so good) *

2010 - Okinawa (just hold on)*

2010 - Okinawa (I’m fine) *

2014 - Rome (don’t go where I can’t follow)

2007 - Russia/France (leave me alone)*

2014 - New York (I tend to deflect when…)

2011 - Iowa (floral bouquet)*

2013 - New York (found family)*

2014 - New York (vows)

2012 - New York (watch out)*

2014 - New York (Shadows)

2014 - New York (I thought they were with you)

2014 - New York (buried alive)

2014 - New York (you look awful)

2014 - New York (scars)

2014 - Berlin (aftermath of failure)

2014 - New York (what happened to me)

2014 - New York (borrowed clothing)

2014 - New York (take it easy)

Elevation - Charles Baudelaire

Above the lakes, above the vales,

The mountains and the woods, the clouds, the seas,

Beyond the sun, beyond the ether,

Beyond the confines of the starry spheres,

My soul, you move with ease,

And like a strong swimmer in rapture in the wave

You wing your way blithely through boundless space

With virile joy unspeakable.

Fly far, far away from this baneful miasma

And purify yourself in the celestial air,

Drink the ethereal fire of those limpid regions

As you would the purest of heavenly nectars.

Beyond the vast sorrows and all the vexations

That weigh upon our lives and obscure our vision,

Happy is he who can with his vigorous wing

Soar up towards those fields luminous and serene.

He whose thoughts, like skylarks,

Toward the morning sky take flight

- Who hovers over life and understands with ease

The language of flowers and silent things

Translated by - William Aggeler

#whumptober Masterlist #clintasha #natasha romanoff #black widow #clint barton #my fic #hawkeye #natasha romanoff fic #clintasha fanfiction #clintasha fanfic #clint barton fic #yelena belova #avengers fanfic #marvel fanfic #marvel fic #whump fic #clint barton x natasha romanoff #Natasha Romanoff x Clint barton #the language of flowers and silent things

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imagine-knowing-a-name · 1 year

Text

wish i’d never grown up

Summary: Natasha adopted you as a baby, and now she gets to see you grow up

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x daughter!Reader

Word Count: 2586

Warnings: Angst. Endgame canon compliant

A/N: Was writing fluff. Taylor Swift came on. This happened instead. Anyway if it isn’t clear, based on and including lyrics from Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift, and the text in quotation marks is Natasha talking.

—————————————————

“I had no clue what I was doing. A baby was never in my plans, never in my training-”

Your little hands wrapped around my finger And it's so quiet in the world tonight

“-but from my first moments with you, I knew I was going to learn. For you.”

Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming So I tuck you in, turn on your favourite nightlight

One of your first memories, so mundane, a fragmented clip of when she laid the blanket over you, and pulled you back into the realm of consciousness just long enough to feel a soft press of lips to your forehead. The loop repeated, but the other senses took priority, you could still hear the click of the nightlight, the warmth of her embrace, you could practically still feel her arms around you, keeping you safe.

To you, everything's funny You got nothing to regret I'd give all I have, honey If you could stay like that

You had no idea then, but you knew now, everything your mother carried with her. Countless lifetimes’ worth of choices and actions she never should have been forced to take, all of which she kept from you, too fearful of what might happen if she exposed you to any of it. You could imagine it now, everything she had to bear, the permanent sorrow in her eyes even as she laughed along with you, the marks on her features that would never fade, no matter how often you caused her to smile. A decade would pass before you’d learn about the childhood she had survived; before you learnt that she had never been as carefree as you had been in that moment. That she was never allowed to be.

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

“I’d never seen someone so innocent, so free from life’s scars. Like my own little Pandora, you radiated hope with every smile and brought joy back into my world. I’d seen so much, but none of it with a perspective like yours. With you, I could experience the world again, live another life and spend it all with you. And I could protect you, do everything I could so you would never experience the life I led before you.”

I won't let nobody hurt you Won't let no one break your heart And no one will desert you Just try to never grow up Never grow up

She protected you from hurt, but a life cannot be lived without some scrapes and bruises. You got plenty of those in the physical sense, climbing and running and playing, but a kiss and a band-aid from your mother, maybe even some encouraging words, and everything was better. You remembered the first time a wound scarred, you’d been so worried when weeks passed and it still didn’t match your skin. You ran to her immediately, holding it out and sobbing. She took your arm in both hands, laying a kiss to your wound before wiping the tears from your eyes.

She’d knelt in front of you, lifting her sleeve to show her own scar, a pale blotch in just the same area. “We’re matching,” she’d told you, “it’s healed just the right amount, it’s a reminder of what you got through, but it’s not holding you back.”

—

“I can still remember your first scar, a little blotch on your left arm. You fell over in the playground and ran over, asking me to patch it up. We chose out your band aid together, you wanted the one with the dogs on, so that’s what you got. A few weeks later and you were running over again, crying about why it hadn’t healed. I showed you my own scar, and I think that was the first time you saw it - you were so shocked, I reckon you’d thought I was invincible. You ran away immediately when I said it wouldn’t heal - I thought I’d scared you - but you came running back with the band-aids, patching me up with a dog just so I would match you. You even pulled it in for a kiss, promising it would get better thanks to your help. Maybe that scar didn’t, but I am certain others started to heal that day.”

You're in the car on the way to the movies And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off At fourteen, there's just so much you can't do And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

Your mother was famous… for all the wrong reasons. It had been fun for a bit after the Battle of New York, people recognised her as your mother, they all wanted to be your friend, pestering you with questions you were more than happy to answer. You were proud of your mum, and took every opportunity to talk about her, but the more they asked, the more you realised you didn’t know.

She’d explained it to you calmly after you confronted her about all the questions. She explained her past, her childhood, her job, only a slightly censored version to make sure it was appropriate for you to know. She knew none of it was appropriate for you, but it was an important part of her, and you wanted to know her, so she told you all the things she hoped to keep you safe from.

Everyone found out a couple of years later anyway, when she leaked SHIELD’s documents about her. You hated the media frenzy, having to hear everyone at school discuss your mother in so much detail, some of them even reciting the media’s venomous words about her, and nothing you could do would change their minds.

When your friends invited you to go watch a movie, you wanted a break from it all. To be dropped off by The Black Widow would just spark up the debate again and you couldn’t take it. Soon enough you’d be able to drive yourself, or maybe not live so far away from the city in the middle of nowhere, and you wouldn’t have to rely on your mum dropping you off everywhere. One day. You had to grow up first.

You asked to be dropped off around the corner, that way they wouldn’t see her. You hurried out the car, muttering a ‘will do’ in response to her ‘stay safe!’. With your eyes down, you didn’t notice the tears in hers, or the slight tremble in her voice.

But don't make her drop you off around the block Remember that she's getting older, too

“I didn’t have anything to miss while I grew up, nor anyone who would miss me. I had no warning that it was going to be this hard.”

And don't lose the way that you dance around In your PJs getting ready for school Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

“My handlers didn’t want me to grow up, yet they forced me to. To see you growing up at your own pace, of your own choice, brings some indescribable feeling. I’m glad of the life you got to live and I’m proud of who you’re growing into. There really is no training for taking in a baby, and for once, I was happy to learn on the way.

But I can never forget the people you were, and I hope you never lose them either. The baby we rescued at the expense of peaceful nights… the toddler who used to cry on the way to school, never wanting to be apart from me… to the child I had to wake up with blasting music because a dance party was the only way to get you up. I wish things could stay this simple, that you could stay so full of life, you may have to get older, but don’t you ever grow up. We can always have this.”

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple No one's ever burned you Nothing's ever left you scarred And even though you want to Just try to never grow up

The first time you argued with friends, your mother was the first to reassure you everything would be okay, on a day where nothing felt like it would be okay again. She held you close and let you cry, telling you it would always be okay to run right back to her.

"We'll go for a drive," she said to you, and you did, she drove you aimlessly at first, just letting you talk until you felt more like yourself. Then she found an aim, taking you to an arcade and besting you at every game. Sure she was trying to make you feel better, but not to the point of letting you win - and you wouldn't have accepted it any other way.

You wanted to live in that moment forever, away from the troubles of life, away from the independence that she had allowed, to just stay with her. Playing games just like when you were a little kid.

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room Memorise what it sounded like when your dad gets home Remember the footsteps, remember the words said And all your little brother's favourite songs

It was Yelena who came to pick you up. You had no idea what was going on; you’d been sitting in your room one moment, finishing homework and waiting for your mum to come home. She liked to order take out after a mission, and in advance of her arrival, you’d written out some options; she could make the final choice on what to get when she was home, but you’d narrowed it down to a few you wanted.

Suddenly the room changed around you, your pale walls darkening to a deep red. Your desk, your homework, your scrap bits of paper were all gone, everything vanished, and you hit the floor with a thud. It had been too sudden for you to catch yourself, and you knew your back would end up bruised.

“Mum?” you called, eyes darting around every corner of this new room. The views were the same, the windows opening to the same scene you could picture with your eyes closed, you’d seen it every day of your life. You were in the same location then, but what had happened to your room? A king sized bed took up half the space, replacing any furniture you had kept in that area, a mirror and dresser took up the corners. Footsteps ran towards your door and your hope grew that it was your mother, coming to explain everything, but she’d taught you better than that. You remembered her footsteps, and those weren’t them.

You dove under the bed, rolling right to the centre to minimise your chances of being seen. You tried to even your breathing, but all of the preparation didn’t prepare you for something to actually happen, your sight was blurred by tears and you bit your own knuckle to mask your breaths.

“Hello?” A man spoke. You stayed quiet. A hum. The man seemed to take the silence as an answer and walked out, shutting the door behind him. You stayed hidden as you listened to his footsteps fade, before rushing out from under the bed and throwing the windows open. You’d practised this with your mum, and luckily the exterior of the house was unchanged. You grabbed the ledge and swung your body over, closing the windows again to erase suspicion, then shuffled along the side panels until you reached the water pipes. You’d been told they were reinforced and you hoped that was still the case as you grabbed on and slid down.

Dropping off at the end, you ran into the safety of the trees you had spent so much of your childhood in, the trail had become overgrown, but you knew the route by heart, and found yourself at the treehouse before you even knew the path you were following. It was still there, still intact, and you climbed up to it without a second thought, tucking yourself tight in the corner before you took your phone out.

You filed through the contacts before you found it: Mum. You hit call.

It rang, and it rang, and it continued to ring. Why wasn’t she picking up? You needed her, where was she? Even on most missions she could still have her phone set to answer you. You tried again, and again, and again and again. Then another contact popped up, someone calling you; Yelena.

“Auntie Lena?” you sobbed.

“Y/N, where are you? Are you safe? Is Nat with you?”

“I’m in the treehouse, there’s people in the house and mum isn’t picking up.”

“She’s not answering me either… I will come and collect you, stay there, I will get you safe.”

I just realised everything I have is someday gonna be gone So here I am in my new apartment In a big city, they just dropped me off It's so much colder than I thought it would be So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on

Your first memory was made here. A little room adjacent to your mother’s.

The space was only ever designed for one person, so as soon as you outgrew the room, Natasha bought the house every other memory was made in, and the two of you made it your own.

Now it was just you. There was no need for a two person space, so you were back. In a room that was yours, yet still felt so new. You didn’t fit the bed, it was designed for a toddler after all, but it was yours, and the alternative was sleeping in a bed that was hers.

She wasn’t here to tuck you in anymore, to stir you awake with a kiss on the forehead, or to hold you as you fell asleep. You both grew up, and that left you alone. She would never do it again.

You pulled the covers up to your chin. It didn’t bring the same warmth you craved from your memory, and your nightlight shone dimly.

If this was growing up - a life without her - then you wish you’d never grown up.

Wish I'd never grown up I wish I'd never grown up And even though you want to Please try to never grow up

“And now you’re gone. I don’t know what to do, so I wrote this because I don’t want to forget one bit of you. I don’t want to forgive myself for this, I promised I’d give all I had to keep you safe.

I didn’t do enough.

I wish we’d never grown up, life could have stayed so simple, I would have never reached an age where I could lose you. I’ve been told there’s a chance to get you back, a small, dangerous one, but it’ll be worth it to me.

I might not be here if you get back, but I hope you find this journal, and remember, my darling, to never grow up, not properly.

But I need to do this, so you at least have a chance to grow up.

I love you, Y/N.

Your mother always,

Natasha”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x child!reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff & reader #natasha romanoff & child!reader #child!reader #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff & y/n #marvel #mcu #natasha romanoff angst

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wandering-winchesters · 1 year

Text

Crossroads II

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Trigger Warning: Mentions of death & alcohol Word Count: 1,590 Summary: Part 2 of Crossroads, the two years is up and the hellhounds have come to collect on the deal.

A/N: Thank you for reading, please like and comment your thoughts!

Masterlist

I never knew how quickly two years could pass. Tomorrow marks the last day I have on this earth, 729 days have passed since I made the deal to save Deans life. I wouldn’t change it, I wouldn’t take it back. These last two years have been the best years of my life. Dean and I have never been closer, we spent as much time together as we could. I could count on one hand how many times we had been apart during these two years.

The hunts we had been on together some of my fondest memories, the places we’d traveled. Every hunt, we took a day to ourselves to go explore the area we were in. It was special, peaceful and just a perfect time with him.

Today, surprisingly I’m at peace. I’ve embraced the fact that my time on this earth is coming to an end, but Dean will continue to live on and one day, we’ll meet again. I plan to fight like hell to get back to him. However if I can’t, it’ll be alright. He’ll be alright, Sammy’s got him. Dean had dozed off, his arms wrapped tightly around my middle. His head leaning against my own, our backs pressed to the couch. He had safeguarded the room, sprinkling goofer dust around every corner and entrance to the motel room we were in. I had insisted on leaving the bunker, not wanting to draw any evil there. I had tried to go alone, but Dean wasn’t having it.

I had accepted my fate, a long time ago. Dean, on the other hand, not so much. He begged, borrowed, bartered and still, we were at a loss. The deal I had made inescapable. I look at the clock, ten minutes to midnight. I had ten minutes left with the man that I love. I knew he still planned to fight, planned to try his hardest to keep me here. Yet I wasn’t going to let him, I pressed a kiss to his lips, soft enough I wasn’t going to wake him up.

“I love you De.” I slipped his arms from around me and stood. Tucking the note into his flannel that I had written earlier before turning and walking silently towards the door to the motel, I opened it and slipped outside.

The cool night air was refreshing, crisp and fresh. I inhaled it, smiling softly at the stars above. It’s as if I was seeing the world for the first time, through fresh eyes. I sat on a bench, outside the room. My eyes focused on the stars in the sky, the sounds of the crickets, silently reflecting on the two years before. The love that I experienced, the joy and the sorrow. Mingling together. I smiled, it was all worth it. It will always be worth it, to know that I kept my boys alive and together.

I pull out my phone, sending a text to Sammy.

11:58 PM. Keep him safe, Winchester. Remind him always that I loved him. I love you Sam, always keep fighting.

I know when midnight strikes, I hear the howling start, the barking of the hell hounds. I don’t move, I don’t run, I don’t feel fear. I just embrace the fact that my time here is up. I close my eyes and allow the darkness to over take me.

Dean

I wake up colder than I should be, my arms empty. I jump to my feet, eyes wide scanning the room for Y/N. But she isn’t here, I check my phone it’s well after midnight.

“No, no, no!” I yell, crossing the small room quickly and throwing to door open. She’s gone. Everything that we’d been through together, just over. My phone rings, and I reach for it. Answering before it even registers.

“Dean,” it’s Sam, his voice thick with emotion. “Where are you?” He asks.

“Some motel, she’s gone Sammy. She left in the middle of the night and she’s just gone. I couldn’t save her.” I say, the anger that I felt turning to grief and sadness.

“Send me the address Dean, I’m coming.” I hang up the phone and send Sam a quick text with the address to the motel. I sit down on a bench and see her phone and sweatshirt resting precariously on the edge. I take them, tears welling in my eyes as I focus on the Lock Screen picture. It’s us, together. A picture I had resisted taking in the moment, but here and now I’m so eternally grateful for it.

I understood now, how she felt those two short years ago. The prospect of being left alone, without the one you love, its unbearable. I would do anything, in this moment to have her back. Anything. I notice now the sound of something crinkling in my flannel pocket, I reach in and pull out a note, her elegant handwriting adorning the page. I unfold it, steadying my breathing before I read it.

Dean,

Well my love, if you’re reading this, my time is up. I want to thank you for making the most of the time we had together, these last few years with you have been the best years of my life. I never once doubted your love for me, I never feared that you would leave me and that is something I never had before I met you.

You taught me how to love myself, how to protect myself from the evils of this world and the next. No amount of time would have been enough with you, even if we had 100 years together I would still want more time.

I know you’re angry with me, for making this deal. Saving you, over me. But Dean, it had to be this way. I couldn’t live with out you, I didn’t have anyone else. You do, you have Sam. You have to live for Sam and Bobby and all your other hunter friends. They need you Dean.

I want you to keep fighting, if not for yourself, then for me. Keep fighting for me baby. Remember that I love you, I will always love you. I will always be with you, wherever you go. Whatever monsters you might encounter, I will be with you. Please take care of yourself, take in the fresh air, dance in the rain, gaze at the moon and the stars.

I know you will be angry with me for not waking you, but I didn’t want you to watch. I couldn’t bear knowing you saw the way I died. It’s going to be okay, my love. I promise.

I’m going to fight my way through hell, and find my way back to you. Either in this life, or the next.

I love you baby, never forget just how much.

Your girl, forever & always,

Y/N

Hot tears are streaming down my face, the pain from losing her so fresh and yet the peace that washed over me from her letter is so intoxicating. I hold her sweatshirt up to my nose, inhaling her scent and a new wave of grief hits me.

Sammy shows up in the impala not long after, parking next to Y/N’s truck. He crosses the parking lot to join me on the bench, silence hanging between us so thick and heavy. Neither one of us has the words to express what we are feeling. We sit, watching the stars slowly cross the night sky, the moon sinking further down in the sky, eventually being replaced by the sun rising.

I can’t tell you how long we stayed there, or how we got back to the bunker. All I know is that I am broken.

A week passes, then two. I didn’t leave the bunker, I drank myself to sleep every night. Until we ran out of whiskey and beer and Sam refused to go buy me more. Bobby called me daily, Ellen every few days, all to check on me. But I haven’t answered. I don’t have the energy to lie to them, tell them I am alright, that everything will be okay.

Sam and I don’t talk much, he lets me know he is there, but doesn’t press me to talk. I spend most of my time in my room, sleeping on her side of the bed, spraying everything I own in her perfume. Trying to be as close to her as I physically can. The letter she wrote me framed, so I can read it, over and over without it getting ruined. I have been through all of the stages of grief, some days easier than others. Most days hard, and unyielding.

A month passes, I’ve stopped drinking. Sam finally got me to go on a hunt, we were gone for less than a day. I see her in my nightmares, my brain creating images of the hellhounds tearing her to pieces. I spend most nights awake and most days sleeping.

Two months pass, things have gone back to mostly normal. We’re hunting again, more frequently. Most days I am okay, it hurts when I think about it, but nothing will ever fully take that pain away. I ran out of her perfume, but I bought more. Unwilling to let go of that completely. I see her in my dreams, she’s happy and carefree. Her smile permanently burned into my brain. I’m grateful for the time I had with her. Things will be okay, I know that now. I will be okay.

---

part 3 here, Crossroads III

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areislol · 1 year

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two worlds apart

ft— anyone

warning — mentions of character death, angst, pretty much self indulgent lmao

a/n— i just felt angsty today :) also i wrote this like you aren't in teyvat? you're you (obv) in this universe and they're just your comfort character. ik shifting is a thing so this is for my #icannotshiftforthelifeofme girlies. listened to ykwim when writing this as well.

wordcount. 683

sometimes you wish you were dead. it sounds blunt and quite, dramatic, yes. but not really when you remember that reincarnation may or may not be a real thing.

we have all heard of the word "soulmates". the idea of soulmates has been present in various traditions for centuries. the "concept" suggests that there is a special connection between two individuals that goes beyond physical attraction and emotional compatibility.

it is believed that these two people are connected by an invisible thread or string that can never be broken, no matter the distance or time. this thread binds them together, and their souls recognize each other even before they meet.

it is said that when soulmates find each other, they experience a sense of completion and fulfillment that they cannot find elsewhere. love itself is a powerful force that can bring people together, even when they are from different worlds. when two individuals are soulmates, their love transcends time and space.

now, death is a natural part of life, and it is something that everyone will experience at some point. while death is often associated with sadness and loss, while some people believe that it can also be a time of reunion with loved ones or, finally being with someone they have loved for so long in another world.

for those who believe in reincarnation, death is not the end, but rather a new beginning. it is an opportunity for the soul to move on to a new life and continue its journey. for some, the idea of being reunited with their soulmate after death brings comfort and solace.

they believe that when they die, they will be able to join their lover/comfort character from another world and be much happier than they ever were in this world. this gives them hope and a reason to keep going, even when times are tough.

for some, some may think it is absurd to even think about death in this way. you really want to die/are waiting for your death just because you want to be happier with your comfort character? how.. weird.

the heart is a mysterious thing, and sometimes it leads us down paths that we never thought possible. loving someone from another world can be a lonely road to travel, but it can also be one filled with wonder and amazement. our hearts may ache for this person that we cannot touch or hold, but the love we feel for them can give us a sense of purpose.

the pain of loving someone who is not real can be overwhelming, it really can. the thought of never being able to hold them or feel their warmth can be unbearable.

but in times of sorrow, the comfort and solace you find in loving them can be the only thing that gets you through. it's easy to dismiss this kind of love as make-believe, but it's not.

the heart doesn't discriminate and doesn't see boundaries at all. even though they are not real, the love you feel for them is. it's a feeling that is deep and real and can bring joy to your life.

just how long have you been yearning to feel their touch, to know what their kisses feel like, to see them face to face? a long, long time. and you know that. how many times have you cried into your pillow, just because you love them so much and that they aren't real?

sometimes the pain in your heart can become unbearable. The emptiness and the loneliness can consume you entirely, leaving you with nothing but despair. it's in those moments that you start to wonder if death would be a better alternative.

you imagine that if you passed away, you could be reunited with your lover from another world, a place where love is eternal and pure. you know that in that world, you would find comfort and solace, and your heart would finally be at peace.

because even though you two are two worlds apart, the love you hold for each other goes beyond measure.

WHAT IS UP W ME AND ANGST NOWADAYS?!??!

#i hate myself #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin angst #xiao x reader #zhongli x reader #venti x reader #cyno x reader #kaveh x reader #baizhu x reader #ah goodnight everybody #crying myself to sleep

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faintingheroine · 4 months

Text

Nihal’s Playfulness and Tendency to Imitate Others

I find it so interesting that we first are introduced to Nihal from the point of view of her father as a sickly weeping girl but when we first see her she is a playful child:

“Ah! Nihal’s sorrowful, jaundiced face that seemed to complain of being alive; and in its yellow hue the deceptive joy of a fugitive pink, trembling with the delicacy of a rose that will fade at once. Those eyes that tried to fool you with their smile when she was ill, that tried to lull those around her into contentment, that laughed while deep within, her sickening soul wept. He saw the meaning behind all of these. He remembered at that time, his daughter’s illnesses, the nervous fits, the headaches that began all the way at the nape of her neck and continued for weeks…

Suddenly, he thought he saw Nihal’s sad, weeping face looking at him. For a minute he wished to have this day erased from his life. Yes, today should be erased, today, like all other days, should be spent in unsuccessful battles; he ought not to be defeated. But now the application looked like a step that could not be retracted; he could find no opportunity in his heart to change or to yield the distance he had covered. Behind that ill visage was another, one with dark hair, long lashes, and large, sleepy eyes, full of poetry and youth, that smiled at him maddeningly.”

(Chapter 2)

“Her father listened smiling as she spoke, adding, in that restless, tireless, fidgety manner peculiar to children, a movement to every word that left her lips; now touching something on the table, now slapping her skirts.

‘If you only knew how much fun we had. Mademoiselle was at her strangest today. She was telling Bülent the story of a beggar whom she knew when she herself was a child. So strange! So strange!… This was an old man who had a large piece of bread…’

As Nihal narrated, she put her hands together – hands so thin that one might think the sun could shine right through them – and lifting them to her mouth pretended to eat a huge piece of bread with her colourless lips.

‘Like this! You must see Mademoiselle do it… You know, Bülent? When he was laughing with that bell-like laugh of his, everyone in the garden was looking at us. Let us tell Mademoiselle to do it for you at the dinner table, father dear…’

Now she was kneeling on the carpet, leaning on her father’s knees, and relating the sights she had seen in the Bebek Gardens down to the smallest detail, like a capricious butterfly flitting here and there. Then suddenly, between her chatter she asked with a serious face, ‘where did you go, now tell me, where did you go secretly from us?’”

(Chapter 2)

And she never loses this playful side that likes to imitate even as she grows up:

“This wedding story gave strength and liveliness to the comedic bent in Nihal. The whole wedding house drifted before Adnan Bey’s eyes in fragmented scenes ornamented with oddities and amusements. After she had drawn an imagined wedding scene, like an inspired artist who creates life with two strokes of a pencil, she was standing before her father, and imitating the bride who sulked in order to look serious.

‘Only think,’ she was saying, ‘hours will pass by, days will pass by, and you will always be like this, always sulking. It’s as if you regret being a bride, as if you resent all of these people who have come to see you… And then afterwards, no, even before…’

Nihal was raising her finger in an admonishing gesture. ‘There is another thing too, as disgusting as this is laughable,’ she was saying. Then, in order to recount the lady who sat on the floor cushion, she was sitting down on the carpet, closing her eyes, swaying her head slowly from side to side to the intoxicating melodies of the saz, and throwing out the blessing, ‘ah! Long may you live!’

(Chapter 13)

“‘Because!.. Because!..’ Nihal said, imitating him. ‘Do you know who you sounded like when you said that? Mlle de Courton!.. She was always answering me like that. Whenever I asked her a difficult question,’ — Nihal was taking on Mlle de Courton’s French accent — ‘she would nod her head, and say, “because”. Oh! These half-answers have caused me to lose so much. See, now I will never be able to understand why everyone gets married.’

As she spoke, Nihal was pretending to be forlorn, but all of a sudden she thought of something.”

(Chapter 18)

“She had kissed Bihter, she reached her forehead to Firdevs Hanım, and then she talked of her white room, of her aunt, of her outings, with the vivacity of a chatty canary. She was finding comical words, imitating her aunt, and laughing intermittently. She even told Bihter that they had chanced to see someone when they had gone out for a ride among the pines last night.

‘Guess who we happened to see,’ she was saying.

Bihter, completely pale, noting only that Nihal and Behlül had been out in the carriage together, but trying to look disinterested, asked, ‘who?’

(Chapter 20)

I am not saying that Nihal is a stand-up comedian but she definitely is a character that has more than one setting and does prove herself to be Bülent’s sister and Behlül’s cousin. It is an interesting contrast to how she is usually typified as the “sad girl” both by other characters and the readers.

#aşk ı memnu #aşk-ı memnu #nihal #comedy/tragedy

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konigs-whore · 2 months

Text

𝚃𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖-Soap Mactavish

‼️MW3 spoilers, Mentions of death, depressive themes, mentions of loss. ‼️

A/N: I’m trying to improve my writing but no matter how many times I re-write it, I still hate it.

Also, this is inspired by my random sadness.

NOT proofread, so excuse the spelling mistakes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

numbness fills me as I gaze upon the scene before me. My mind remains frozen, unable to comprehend the reality of it all. Emotions wash over me in waves - detachment, anger, sorrow, and guilt.

As I tentatively approach, outstretching my hand, I am struck with the realization that this is not a dream. Before me lies everything - my entire world and heart - motionless on a bed. A white sheet conceals all but your precious face, the same face I would spend hours admiring.

As I stand next to your bed, my hand trembling as it reaches for the sheet and then yours. A lump forms in my throat as our hands make contact, and a choked sob escapes my lips. Your once warm hands, now cold and lifeless, remain firm in my grasp. The comforting warmth that I cherished is now absent, lost in a place that I cannot reach.

"My love, what have you done?" I whisper. Crouching down beside your bed, placing my head on our connected hands.

Why'd you leave me behind? what happened to growing old with me.

"Forever you said-" my voice cracks, Throat burning with emotion. " I thought we had the time, had our lives.".

Waves of anguish wrack my body, releasing uncontrollable sobs. My tears cascade upon my wedding ring, tracing a path down our interlocked fingers.

The recollections of our moments together gently stream through the path of my tears. From our initial encounter, to the moment you presented the ring, how you stumbled into the fountain while kneeling down on one knee. How we swam through the water to retrieve the ring, laughing together. All the beautiful smiles exchanged and the dreams we shared of starting a family.

I really wish, we could've had one together.

Despite my best efforts, I cannot hide my sadness as it seeps out in a bitter smile. With a heavy heart, I release our clasped hands and plant a final kiss upon your cold knuckles.

“It’s difficult for me to imagine the rest of my life without you. But I suppose I don’t have to imagine it... I just have to live it”

As I gently tuck the sheet back over your hand, I run my fingers through your hair, cherishing the last moments I have with you. A melancholy smile graces my lips as I trace the rough stubble on your face, lost in bittersweet memories.

With a devilish grin, you drop onto the sofa beside me. "I believe I'll keep this look. It adds an air of sophistication and fatherhood," you announce, holding yourself proudly. I chuckle and tousle your hair. "Whatever pleases you, my dear. You are handsome either way."

A deep pain tears through my heart, as I come to terms with the fact that you will never get to experience the joys of fatherhood. Our hopes and aspirations were extinguished the day you departed from this world, taking a piece of my heart along with you.

I just want to hear you say, baby let’s go home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been several months since your funeral. A number of individuals have come by to inquire about my well-being. Your former team make frequent visits, particularly Simon. He often stays the night, staying up late with me and reminiscing about our experiences with you, ensuring that your memory remains alive in our hearts.

As I lay awake, my mind wanders to memories of our wedding day. The sun was shining, casting a warm glow over the serene outdoor setting. You looked dashing in your tuxedo, and I couldn't help but feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Becoming Mrs. Mactavish.

I wish I could turn back time and hold you tight, tell you how much you meant to me. But life doesn't work that way, and all I have now are memories.

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.”

#call of duty #call of duty fanfic #cod mw2 #cod modern warfare #soap mactavish x reader #soap fanfic #soap mactavish #soap call of duty #soap mw2 #john soap mactavish #soap x reader #soap cod #this man needs to exist for me #need him like air and my daily bread #johnny mactavish #john mactavish x you #cod fanfic #cod angst #soap angst

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bordysbae · 11 months

Note

hi could u do a fic based on this live by taylor swift with turcs pls?

“this love”

alex turcotte x reader

this story follows the chorus of this love by taylor swift!

—

“currents swept you out again. and you were just gone and gone.”

“i’m sorry alex. i promise it’s nothing you did. i just can’t keep up a relationship with you if you’re all the way in michigan,” you sorrowfully say. you wipe your red and puffy eyes with a heavy pain in your heart.

“cmon please y/n. we can make it work, i swear! i’ll call you every night and text you everyday! i love you please, y/n!” alex pleads, his heart holding on by the smallest thread. as tears fall, the dark haired boy’s hand runs through his hair frantically. a nervous habit of his.

“alex no, you need to focus on hockey. i’m not good for you right now, nor is the distance. but i promise everytime you visit illinois, i’ll be right here with open arms. but for now, goodbye alex. i love you so so much, and i always will. have the best time in michigan,” you say before stepping out of his bedroom. as you pass by the familiar doors and picture frames that fill the turcotte household, you silently say goodbye to the place you practically grew up in.

you get inside your car and see the small polaroid of you and alex. you let out a sigh, and instead of taking it off you let it rest in it’s place. your eyes watch the alluring white house get smaller as you back off the driveway. you reach your house only a couple minutes later due to the short distance between your guys’ houses, which was highly beneficial over the years. immediately you rest your head on the steering wheel and let out a huff. your eyes are the puffiest they’ve ever been, and your throat is practically closing from how heavily your chest is heaving.

although it’s only 7:30 on a late summer night, you decide it’s best to get yourself into bed as soon as you step foot in the house. your mother sees you rush to your room, and comes to check on you. “y/n are you okay?” she sweetly asks from the doorway. you look up at her with red eyes, and she gasps. she quickly opens her arms for a hug, and you place yourself in her arms almost immediately.

“i broke up with him,” you blatantly say, feeling too many emotions to even express a single one.

“oh honey it’s for the better. remember that. you guys will forever be each others first loves, and i’m sure you’ll stay friends. you two grew up together, and have spent the last two years calling each other ‘yours.’ i promise things will work themselves out,” she pitifully states while rubbing a hand up and down your back.

a sigh escapes your lips as your burrow yourself into the sheets on your bed. they still smell like alex which just hurts your soul more, but as your mother said, it’s for the better. alex needs to focus on his hockey career.

“in silent screams, in wildest dreams. i never dreamed of this.”

getting the text saying alex is back in illinois for the summer changed everything for you. those sorrow emotions that overtook you for the entirety of alex’s absence, turned to joy and serotonin. “y/n, you can’t just reach out to him and expect things to be good. you broke up with him, remember?” your friend says.

“well, when you word it like that you make me sound crazy! i was just gonna ask if we could meet up. just to talk about things! i never even got the chance to say goodbye. but if he says no, then i know for sure there’s no rekindling things. i just need to know where he’s going with his life, y’know?” you ramble.

“yeah i guess? just don’t get hurt okay? if he’s moved on, you cant blame him. just remember that,” she says, making you nod. you never even thought about how you might react to hearing if he’s moved on or not. thankfully you have your friend to knock reality into you. you broke up with him, so he has every right to move on.

to: lex.

hey i heard you’re back in town for the summer. can we meet up?

to: you

yeah, meet at our spot in 20?

to: lex.

yup sounds good!

you immediately smile and release the breathe you didn’t know you were holding. as you drive the familiar roads towards the small waffle house, memories from sneaking out at midnight with alex flood your mind. seeing alex’s car in the parking lot makes your breathe hitch, and your heart races as you see his familiar face in the window. sitting at your guys’ table. as you slide into the booth, alex eyes trail up from his phone screen to your face.

“hi,” you both say at the same time, making you both let out a little chuckle.

“it’s been awhile, how are you?” he asks. it instantly makes you sad, seeing how you guys went from knowing absolutely everything about each other, back to square one. the awkward introduction questions.

“i’m doing alright, how’s hockey been? team usa treating you right?” you say, forcing alex to crack a little smile in the corner of his lips.

“yeah, yeah everything’s going well. the draft is next month, i’m really nervous. i’m projected fifth overall,” he says. your lips divide apart and you glance him a wide eyed look. “alex thats amazing! i’m so happy for you!” you exclaim, immediately forgetting the awkward tension from only moments earlier. he lets out a little chuckle, before going quiet again. you immediately get nervous at his awkwardness, but his words shake you.

“yeah it’s amazing, but it’d be even better if you were there too. i miss you, y/n. i thought about texting you everyday since i moved, but i never did. i know you didn’t want me to think about the past, and focus on hockey, but i couldn’t. not when you’re my biggest support system,” alex says, looking down at his lap where his fidgeting hands rest. your heart practically skips a beat at his words. “alex, what?” you choke out.

“there’s a few seats next to me at the draft, and one of them is for you. will you come with me? i think i’ll have a panic attack if you’re not there. i need you y/n,” he nervously chuckles, now looking up from his lap at you.

you crack a smile and let your mouth do the talking for you, “i need you too alex. i’d be honored to be there with you. and i’m so so sorry for what i did last summer. we should’ve tried to make the distance work, i just d-“ you begin, but alex cuts you off. “don’t even give an explanation, i already know why. we were both thinking it, it was a scary thought but you were the braver one. but i think we both learned that it was just worse for us in the end, yeah?” he shrugs, and you nod.

“definitely. it was horrible without contact, but i felt like i’d be breaking my rules on making sure you’re focused on hockey if i texted you. so i never did. but i’m glad i’m not the only one who misses us,” you say a little shyly. alex smiles at your words, and stands up with open arms. you slide out from the booth and wrap yourself into his built arms. his body fits perfectly against yours, almost as if he’s your missing puzzle piece.

“oh how i’ve missed you,” he mumbles into your hair, sending a small shiver down your spine.

“this love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive. back from the dead.”

#alex turcotte x reader #alex turcotte #alex turcotte imagine #alex turcotte blurb #hockey blurb #hockey imagine #usntdp hockey #usntdp

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iloveassandweed · 11 months

Text

Chaewon x Y/N: Echoes of Separation

The stage was set, the crowd buzzing with anticipation as the lights dimmed, illuminating Chaewon in all her glory. As a member of LE SSERAFIM, she was adored by thousands, but amidst the applause and cheers, her heart felt heavy with an unspoken truth.

Y/N, her confidant and source of solace, stood at the edge of the stage, your eyes locked in a bittersweet gaze. Chaewon had fallen deeply in love with you, but the demands of her career and the weight of her responsibilities as Leader of the group gnawed at her soul. She couldn't bear the thought of dragging you down this tumultuous path.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, as Chaewon wrestled with her emotions, keeping them locked away. She watched from afar as you navigated life's challenges, your bond slowly fraying at the edges. It became clear that in order to protect you, she had to let you go.

On a quiet evening, with tears streaming down her face, Chaewon mustered the strength to confront you. The park, their sacred haven, provided solace amidst the chaos.

"Y/N, we need to talk," Chaewon said softly, her voice laced with pain.

Your heart skipped a beat, sensing the gravity of her words. "Chaewon, what's wrong? You look so broken."

A somber smile graced her lips as she reached out to hold your hand. "Y/N, I've come to a difficult decision. As much as it pains me to say, I think it's time we go our separate ways."

Panic washed over you as you struggled to comprehend her words. "Chaewon, please, don't do this. We can find a way to make it work."

She shook her head, her eyes filled with both sorrow and determination. "You deserve a life filled with stability and love, Y/N. My world is unpredictable, with fleeting moments of happiness amidst endless sacrifices. I don't want to hold you back or subject you to that."

Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you fought against the inevitable. "Chaewon, stop talking about this nonsense I love you. I'm willing to face any challenge as long as we're together."

Her grip on your hand tightened, her voice trembling. "And I love you, Y/N, more than words can express. But sometimes, love isn't enough. I want you to have a life where you can thrive, where you can find the peace and stability you deserve."

In that moment, the weight of her decision settled upon your shoulders, and the tears continued to fall. Silently, you both knew that this was the only way you will fond happiness, even if it tore your hearts apart.

Months passed, the emptiness echoing in the absence of each other's presence. Yet, as time healed the wounds, Chaewon and you found peace in knowing that the path they chose was for the best. Their love, though unfulfilled, had shaped them into better versions of themselves.

On a serene afternoon, you crossed paths again, this time with a glimmer of peace in your eyes. The connection, though changed, remained unbreakable.

"Chaewon," you whispered softly, a wistful smile gracing your lips. "I hope you've found your happiness."

Her gaze met yours, a sense of contentment emanating from within. "And I hope the same for you, Y/N. We may have gone our separate ways, but the memories we shared will forever be saved in my heart.

After a final, embrace, you both walked away, carrying the memories of your time together like precious treasures. Though the pain of separation lingered, a sense of acceptance settled within your hearts.

In the years that followed, Chaewon continued to flourish as a K-pop idol, captivating audiences with her talent and beauty. Meanwhile, you pursued your own dreams, carving out a path that brought you joy and fulfillment.

Occasionally, life would intersect your paths once more, whether through chance encounters or shared memories. Each meeting was a reminder of the deep connection you once shared, but also a testament to the resilience and growth you had achieved on separate journeys.

Though the love you had for each other remained a constant presence in your hearts, it transformed into a bittersweet melody, reminding you of the beauty that once was.

And in the midst of life's ebb and flow, you found solace in the knowledge that sometimes, the most peaceful ending is the one where two souls, deeply entwined yet destined to walk separate paths, can still appreciate the impact they had on each other's lives.

The echoes of your separation served as a reminder of the depth of your love and the courage it took to let go. With time, you both discovered that even without a conventional happy ending, you could find happiness and fulfillment in your individual pursuits.

And as you gazed at the stars, you knew that the peaceful ending you had found was a testament to the strength of your bond, the resilience of your hearts, and the profound understanding that true love isn't always meant to last forever, but it forever leaves an indelible mark.

#chaewon #le sserafim #chaewon x reader

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