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itsallyscorner · 3 years

Note

just like magic with marvel cast, the vibe is----- a perfect song for a lil b*tch with a good heart and a sarcastic mouth

just like magic is the song we ALL need for 2020😌 Start manifesting ya’ll🖤 Also thank you sm for the request I am so so sorry this took so freakin’ long😭 Love u, happy reading🖤🖤 Tried to add my own lil twist to your request:)

(A lil different from the request, but I tried to make the reader have a bit sas.)

💌.

just like magic

Growing up within the Marvel Cinematic Universe was probably one of things you were most grateful for. When you first started out you weren’t that social. You were new to the business, you didn’t know anybody and you were intimidated by every single actor you crossed paths with.

At first you didn’t feel like you fit in. You felt as if you were a burden to everyone else. You barely talked to anyone which made the others approach you out of force by the Russos. Everyone around you was talented while you were just some newcomer who had jack shit as experience. The first few years you were insecure of yourself mentally and physically. You weren’t as pretty or fit as the other women in the MCU nor did your skills live up to theirs. Which led to some unhealthy habits. Plus there were haters and movie critics who would say horrible things about you and your acting.

You had a rocky start unlike Tom Holland and even Lexi Rabe. Until one day when you realized that you had to change how you were thinking. It took you a while but all that negative thinking you were doing was only bringing you negative energy. So when you had a break from filming movies, your number one goal was to improve yourself.

Wake up in my bed, I just wanna have a good day (Mmm, ah)

Think it in my head, then it happens how it should, ayy

Twelve o'clock, I got a team meeting, then a meditation at like 1:30

Then I ride to the studio listening to some shit I wrote (Oh)

You woke up with smile on your face in a sense of calmness. The sun shined bright hues into your room as you got up from your bed. Today was the first day back on set. You guys were finally filming Civil War and you were honestly so excited. As you did your morning routine, you went over how the day would go in your head. You’re genuinely excited to see the entire cast. It has been almost half a year since you’ve seen everyone and you couldn’t wait to be back.

You took one last look at yourself in the mirror. Compared to the previous year, you looked and felt healthy. Your eyes shined and you looked well relaxed. You know like one of those face cleanser commercials? That’s how you felt. You felt like a breath of fresh air.

The ride to the studio took a good 30 minutes but it felt like seconds. You entered the set with a new sense of confidence and pride. The energy was practically radiating off you.

“(Y/n)?” You hear someone call from behind you. You turn around and see Scarlett looking at you.

“Hey!” You greet her as you approach her. You pulled her into a hug, startling her.

“Oh! Hello to you too, honey.” She laughed as she wrapped her arms around you. “How are you?”

“I’m doing great! Life’s been good.” You answer as a toothy grin graces itself on your face. Scarlett’s eyes are filled with shocked. From the previous times she’s talked to you she’s never seen you so loud or open. You were always shy and closed off from everyone on set.

Good karma, my aesthetic (Aesthetic)

Keep my conscience clear, that's why I'm so magnetic

Manifest it (Yeah), I finessed it (I finessed it)

Take my pen and write some love letters to Heaven

Eventually everyone on set caught on to your new attitude. Though they tried to be discreet about their reactions and shocked expressions, you could still see how they were caught off guard by your sudden change of nature.

Anthony watched as you conversed with Elizabeth and Scarlett on the couch in Robert’s “village” . You were probably the most smiliest person in the room beating Evans, who was eating his lunch.

“She’s like different. But in a good way. It’s like she’s bloomed.” Anthony thought out loud to the men beside him. Chris (E) and Sebastian look in your direction.

“Bloomed?” Chris snorted as he swallowed his food.

“Yeah, like she’s growing into a woman.” Anthony hummed proudly as he went back to his own lunch. Sebastian smiled at you, “I think she’s gained some confidence in herself and finally realized how good of a person she is.”

“If she’s finally realized that, I’m glad she did. She’s like a ball of sunshine, it’s adorable.” Chris smiled proudly at you as your hands move around animatedly while explaining some story to the two women in front of you.

“Y’all think it’s a boy?” Anthony wondered. Sebastian rolled his eyes at his friend. Before he can even respond Anthony is calling you over. You approach the men with a smile and take a seat beside Sebastian.

“What’s up?” You greet them. Chris nods at you as he chews on his sandwich. Sebastian greeting you with a quiet “hey”.

“So who’s the lucky man?” Anthony asks teasingly. Your brows knit together head tilting to the side.

“Man?”

“Yes man, or boy, whatever. Who’s got you feelin’ yourself, (y/n).” Anthony wiggles his brows as he shimmies closer to you. Sebastian, who’s in between you two, cringes at the man to his left.

You didn’t take any offense to the question, knowing that everyone was curious as to why you were so unlike yourself.

You chuckled before smirking at the older man, “Anthony, honey. I don’t need a man to be feelin’ myself. I did this on my own.”

Chris and Sebastian’s mouth drop at your answer. Chris laughed as he pointed out Anthony’s face. Sebastian slung an arm around your shoulder bringing you into a side hug as he laughed with Chris.

“To be fair” Chris began to say but started to laugh, “To be fair, you deserved that.” Anthony’s face went flushed as he nodded to himself. You suddenly felt bad that you put him on the spot.

“Alright, stop laughing at him.” You playfully glare at Chris and Seb. You poke Anthony’s arm, “To answer your question, I’ve just been working on myself. Thinking more positively, I even tried manifestation.”

“You know what, that’s good. You’re taking care of yourself mentally and physically. I’m proud of you for doing this for yourself, we all are.” Anthony tells you as he motions to the two other men.

You look at all three of them, all of them looking at you with pride, “Thanks guys.”

Just like magic (Baby), just like magic (Oh yeah)

Middle finger to my thumb and then I snap it

Just like magic (Yeah), I'm attractive (Oh yeah)

I get everything I want 'cause I attract it (Oh)

As the months passed, the more you evolved into another version of you. You walked with determination, carried yourself with such grace and you’ve gained confidence in your career. You didn’t let your insecurities get to you, instead you faced them and overcame them. You were tired of letting them control you.

Your change in attitude and perspective on life has definitely affected your life in many ways. Manifestation was one of the things that have helped you the most. Writing about your goals and putting that energy out to the world has helped you persevere in your job. You’ve only faced good karma; sending out positive energy and receiving it back from the universe.

So far you’ve been casted in two new projects and have a campaign lined up with Gucci. If you were told a year ago that you’d be working with big time directors and freakin’ Gucci, you wouldn’t have believe them. Life has been unreal ever since you decided to change your life around. But of course you had to thank your Marvel family, without them and their support you probably wouldn’t haven gotten to where you were today.

Looking at my phone, but I'm tryna disconnect it (Oh yeah)

Read a fuckin' book, I be tryna stay connected (Yeah)

Say it's tricky at the top, gotta keep a slim ego for a thick wallet

Losing friends left and right, but I just send 'em love and light (Oh)

As many people recognized your success many people still tried to pull you down. Some fans on social media have noticed your change in behavior and have even praised you for practicing self care. While others still tried to push you off the mountain of success you were currently on and drag you across the ground.

These were the reasons as to why you were barely on your phone anymore. You used to be invested in your phone but after realizing how much negativity it brought you, you’ve decided to slowly disconnect from it. Which led you to becoming more interested into books.

Chris (E) had even brought some of his favorite arts of literature for you to borrow. You were currently on your third book of his, Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari. You were sitting outside your trailer in a fold up chair under the shade. Your peacefulness was interrupted by Tom (Holland) who had a worried expression on his face.

“Have you not seen it yet?” He asked you as soon as he was in front of you. Being the two most youngest actors on the current set, you guys were closer to each other than with the adults.

“Seen what, Tommy?” You put a finger in between the pages you were reading to save your spot. Tom pulls his phone out and began to type. He tapped on his screen and turned the screen to you.

“She’s been talking crap about you for days.” You read the article and saw that one of your “friends”, Sabrina has been speaking out about your success and how it’s changed you as a person.

“She’s going off about how the more money you get in your wallet, the more bratty and arrogant you become.” He grumbled as he turned his phone off.

“I could care less, honestly. I know I haven’t done anything to her and if I did I was unaware of it. Plus, she stopped talking to me after I said I couldn’t get her a part in a movie.” You shrugged as you placed a proper bookmark in the book.

“You’re not upset?”

“I mean it’s sad that she’s acting so two faced. But if that’s how she wants to roll, then be my guest. It’s her loss, not everyone has great taste.” You flicked a piece of hair away from your face with your hand.

“You’re not gonna release a statement against her?”

“No, probably just wish her well with her life and move on with my own.” You answered much to Tom’s dismay.

Redesign your brain, we gon' make some new habits

Just like magic (Just like magic), just like magic

Filming has officially ended a few months ago and now you guys were doing press tour for Civil War. Before you were the new and improved version of yourself, you dreaded press tours. Some interviewers were nice and respectful, but there were those who would ask inappropriate questions and were just rude in general. All you could remember during those past tours was wanting to leave those rooms as soon as possible.

The q&a panel at New York had a packed room. There were many journalist crowded in the room shoulder to shoulder. You were sat in between Elizabeth and Scarlett, two of the women who have been guiding you and teaching you about life as a woman in the business. They were also like your older sisters.

The panel had been going smoothly for the first half hour until a man with a snobby face and cocky demeanor approached the mic.

“Hello, I’m Keith and my question’s for (y/n).” He began. You nodded in his direction, motioning for him to continue.

“I think everyone’s noticed how you’ve changed and developed as a person. Obviously something’s changed in your life. So I want to know if you’ve had any intimate relationships with any of the men in the cast?” You were surprised at the man’s question. First it was bold of him to ask such a question and second it was just disrespectful to you and the others on the cast.

“I mean someone’s gotta be fucking you good to make you crawl out your shell.” The man finished shrugging nonchalantly. Robert was about to interject but your mouth was quicker than his. The men of the cast were disgusted at the man while they sat at the edge of their seats.

“Well last time I checked my contract, my job was to act, not sleep around with the men who are part of these movies.” You spoke into the mic. All the attention was on you while the room was at a standstill.

“It’s also very upsetting that you think a girl needs to be fucked in order to be confident in herself. I hate to break it to you but women are completely capable of turning their lives around without the help of men and that says a lot about you, sir. So if I were you, I’d take myself back to my seat and rethink my life because if one of us has to redesign our brains it’s you.” You finished as you placed your mic on your lap. The room was silent until the cast began to clap. This was your first time standing up for yourself, usually Robert or Scarlett would swoop in and save you but this time, you were saving yourself.

You shook your head as you blushed, shoving your head in your hands. You felt some pats on the backs and cheers from your dysfunctional family. You look up and see Scarlett and Elizabeth smiling at you proudly.

“Isn’t she amazing?” Robert asked the crowd as he hugged you. The crowd cheering you on.

Just like magic, your life felt like a dream come true, knowing that you were worth it and enough for the people around you and for yourself.

#marvel #mcu #avengers #chris evans #chris evans x reader #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader #anthony mackie x reader #Anthony Mackie #Scarlett Johansson #Scarlett Johansson x reader #marvel cast x teen!reader #marvel cast x reader #ally’s 700 celebration #ally’s requests

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featherfur · 3 years

Text

Meng Yao should have been around when Jiang Cheng was running around with his head cut off trying to make disciples out of rogues and convince everyone to get started on the war. I just think he’d see this, probably manic, idiot who needs help and is 100% willing to be bossed around and who really doesn’t care about Meng Yao station in life because he’s just fucking desperate and wants to die but can’t because Yanli and just go “actually I’m interested”. Because Jiang Cheng would riot if he knew Meng Yao wanted to go back to his dad, and well Jiang Cheng is very pathetic when he thinks he’s being left behind (“You’re leaving me for the Jin just like Shijie? Tears and loud words for you! Tears and loud words dor a thousand years!”)

And Meng Yao would have a spot in Lotus Pier where he is VERY clearly wanted, he probably doesn’t become sworn brothers with anyone (or LXC and NMJ realize that no one needs to give the Jin any more influence and become sworn brothers with Jiang Cheng) unless it’s Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian (unfortunately WWX will still probably be killed or hunted at the very least but atleast Qin Su is alive? Maybe having MY around will help calm JC into the fact that LWJ wants to bang his brother and help him so JC can convince WWX to let LWJ atleast play for him, then maybe WWX can accidentally let slip about him already destroying one half and LWJ can help destroy the other half… Dunno if the Wen Remnants survive either sorry, honestly I don’t know if anyone can stop JGS in the long run)

So there’s two ways this goes: (under read more I have Thoughts)

Meng Yao DOES go to the Jin Sect still because JC gets wanting your Dad’s Approval even when he’s a dick AND he protects Yanli who immediately adopted him when JC showed up to the war with him. Without being stuck between a Rock and a Hard place (sorry NMJ not everyone is a annoyingly stubborn with their morals as you and MY is being hurt :( leave him alone :(( ) MY is able to continue being pressured without breaking and even though JGS keeps trying to get him to manipulate JC, MY won’t and won’t manipulate NMJ either and every time he goes to Lotus Pier to ‘look into’ the Jiang Sect he actually just spends the week being plied with children and listening to Jiang Cheng explain the fashion industry Again and talk about silks vs cashmeres vs wool so he just gets a vacay and is more prepared to stand up against his dad.

Also JC and Yanli catch on pretty quick to Madam Jin abusing MY because they were there after Madam Yu would hurt WWX and they know the signs of trying to hide the pain and Yanli suddenly starts Show Up whenever Madam Jin tries anything because that is her Didi now and she will protect him and if anyone ELSE tries to mess with him she will rip them apart like when Jin Zixun tries to bother WWX.

JGS does eventually manage to frame something on WWX but MY intervenes immediately by telling JC the truth and without the ‘did my kinda insane PTSD ridden brother so this?” Panic thoughts JC gets his people and is waiting for the force of Jin and smaller sects, with his two sworn brothers on either side. Because yeah NMJ absolutely hates the Wen but can he really ignore LXC and JC? Plus NHS on the side? He’s only there to protect WWX, anyone else can get fucked and even then he’s only protecting WWX because JC asked him too because NMJ thinks WWX sucks for choosing the wens because he’s very much of the one track ‘the wens suck’ mind. MY pretends he has no idea what’s going on but he does summon Jin Zixuan on ‘accident’ who shows up, annoyed he had to leave his kid, and is like “are we really going to accuse Nie Mingjue, known Wen hater, of protecting Wei Wuxian and lying about his innocence? Because his sword is the same size as my body and I’d rather Not”

(okay he’s more polite and subtle but that’s the gist) somehow Jin Guangshan dies, I’m voting Yanli poisoned him because I think Meng Yao is 100% willing at this point to simply take the abuse because Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen aren’t essentially telling him to murder his father and that he’s stupid for not holding harder to his morals (sorry NMJ,,, you just,, I love you but MY is hurting and he’s not as stabby as you) NMJ is still very much crankily telling him his dad sucks whenever they meet but Jiang Cheng gets all sparkly whenever MY is around because MY will say he’s Doing Good, so there’s only so much room before JC start just biting anyone who even looks at MY wrong. (NMJ says he’s proud of JC once and JC just starts crying and NMJ UnderstandsTM why MY won’t leave him alone)

But Yanli has to be the one to kill him because MY wouldn’t because he’s a filial son and probably hasn’t lost his hope he will be Loved, Jin Zixuan wouldn’t because he’s like the only one in the entire show not down with murder, Madam Jin is not about to give up the power and money that comes from being the wife of Jin Guangshan even if JZX would take care of her because Yanli clearly is willing to rip everyone apart who fucks with her family and unlike Jiang Cheng is willing to change the status quo, and if JGS dies on a hunt they’ll blame WWX so Yanli just poisons him slowly and he dies from ‘illness’. JZX takes power, Meng Yao is told he’s amazing twelve times a day because JZX can do busy work and argue against anyone but he cannot have a small talk conversation to save his life. Life continues peacefully, Jiang Cheng keeps kidnapping JZX’s advisor because he misses him. Meng Yao knows how to control literally every single great sect but he’s busy chasing down his nephews and helping Jiang Cheng avoid marriage offers to do anything.

Once Jin Guangshan died, LXC and MY both swooped in to have the Wen Remnants moved somewhere else to ‘civilize’ them (using LXC’s own words here) and WWX is very much caught between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji arguing over who he’s going home with and he’s honestly never felt more Loved TM. WWX spends six months to break the rest of the tiger rally under the grumpy/watchful eye of NMJ who still isn’t happy anyone from the Wen’s is still alive but he’s weak to puppy eyes and also when he’s being strong armed by his sworn brothers, MY, and NHS (though he still keeps an eye on the actual cultivators, he’s pretty much forgotten the rest of the Wen Remnants exist he just cares about the ones who know how to use a sword). Wangxian happens, idk how I’m voting for a wild Jingyi another orphan decides that he wants to meet the Purple Angry Man and body slams into WWX’s legs trying to get to the Purple man and LWJ catches him and it’s a full on romantic moment of staring into each other’s eyes while Jiang Cheng makes disgusted noises and Meng Yao pats his hand and just tells him to accept it.

Or Meng Yao stays in Lotus Pier because Jiang Cheng has problems and Meng Yao loves a messy loudmouth aggressive bitch with a secret heart of gold. Also Jiang Cheng is the exact kind of Demi-aroace dummy to not realize Meng Yao has a crush on LXC and keeps sending him over to Cloud Recesses to help with trade or something and MY gets to hang out with his crush constantly.

MY is Jiang Cheng’s personal advisor since WWX is currently refusing to process his trauma and staying in a very traumatic place. MY does try to help but WWX doesn’t trust him and probably only half trusts him around JC, BUT MY is very good with kids and helps work with JC on how to slip WWX supplies while negotiating directly with Nie and Lan without Jin glaring over him this time, and Jin Zixuan is more than happy to help when he can because again he’s just like the only one with modern morals and wants Lotus Pier to be strong since if all the sects fall then well the fucking demons/ghosts they hunt will eat them. So WWX is slowly atleast not ready to kill him, Meng Yao finds out WWX already destroyed half the Tiger Tally and tries to get him to let NMJ and LXC help him destroy it further (because that ties the three sects closer and so WWX won’t just stab someone if someone isn’t happy about the Wen’s existing)

Yanli poisons Jin Guangshan again because I think that’s the best way for him to go, Meng Yao does grieve but also that lasts for three minutes before Jiang Cheng shows up with some children he found in Yunmeng and Meng Yao needs to explain to him again that just because the kid latches on doesn’t mean you can take them home. But with JGS out of the way it’s a lot easier to strong arm NMJ into letting the Lan take the remnants (JC and NMJ still aren’t happy about it but NMJ can’t fight the three other sects and JC is getting his brother back and he’ll take the Wen living if that means WWX is too) and WWX returns to Lotus Pier. The truth of the golden core comes out probably via WWX having a flashback or panic attack or something (or that one theory of Yanli knowing,,,) words happen, WWX storms off to find LWJ.

Meng Yao wonders why he likes messy cry babies but still helps out Jiang Cheng because they’re technically brother in laws and also because he really does care about him. Wangxian happens and now Jiang Cheng is really pissed but WWX also said he wasn’t going to just up and leave so they’re on a rotating system but honestly everyone’s just waiting for them to move permanently to Lotus Pier because Lan Wangji has this giant hole in his heart for kids who love Wei Wuxian and Lotus Pier is filled with kids who are Jiang and therefore are insane ans love WWX.

Personally I think this one is the least likely but it sounds very nice right?

#the untamed #mdzs #Jiang Cheng #Meng Yao #Jin Guangyao #fix it #sorta #Lan Xichen #Nie Mingjue #Jiang Yanl #Wei Wuxian #read more #don’t take any of this seriously lmao pls I’m just fucking around

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bffsoobin · 4 years

Text

Apartment 370

↳everything about your apartment was perfect. Aside from your neighbor. Choi Soobin has become the bane of your existence. You can’t go a single day without looking over your shoulder for your misleadingly handsome neighbor. Just how many petty pranks does he think he can get away with?

➤ enemies to lovers!au, neighbors!au, arguments, petty behavior, swearing, fluff

Word Count: 3,062

Requested?: yes

Warnings: none really other than swearing and Soobin kind of being an ass. I also didn’t proof read or edit this, as per usual.

A/N: To be honest I’m feeling a little unsure about this? I loved the concept and I’m very glad that a lovely follower requested it but I feel like lately all of my writing has started out really well and then just got progressively worse? Like all of the endings I write are just kind of lame? Just a weird insecurity I’ve been encountering lately. So please leave me some feedback on what you think about this!

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:••:•.•

You loved your apartment. It was small, but just right for you to live in. The shower had hot water, your bedroom had a beautiful window for your plants to sit on and the wifi connection was always working well. You even only had to travel up two flights of stairs if your elevator stopped working. There were a lot of pros to living at your complex. But there was one, massive, glaring and obnoxiously loud con. Choi Soobin. When he had moved in next to you, you tried to be nice. You knocked on his door and introduced yourself; making some kind of lame joke about borrowing sugar.

He didn’t laugh. He just introduced himself back and apologized for not having any sugar. Apologized? Had he really missed the joke that bad? Your delivery had been impeccable. Despite his charming face and annoyingly adorable style, you decided there was no way you could be friends with someone who didn’t understand a classic joke.

Soobin must have decided there was a reason he didn’t like you either, because just about a week into being neighbors he began to wreak havoc. He played music as loud as it possibly could be at the weirdest times of the day and yelled at his television way too much no matter what he was watching. It seemed like every day you had to storm over and knock on his door to complain. This went on for weeks until he finally agreed to stop when you threatened to involve your burly landlord in the matter.

For a few days, you enjoyed peace and quiet. You came and went from work without seeing him, took naps in silence and remembered how it felt to cook in your own kitchen without the sound of a twenty something year old man screaming at reruns of Survivor as background music.

As they say, ignorance is bliss, because little did you know Soobin’s silence was about to erupt into a new, massive volcano of stupidity. One night you woke up around 4 am to the sound of scratching coming from the wall that connected your and Soobin’s bedrooms. You were already annoyed at the fact that you had to be up at 7am to pick up an early shift for your slacking coworker, so you didn’t have it in you to just roll over and go back to bed. You couldn’t have if you wanted to anyway because the scratching noises were only getting more and more persistent. You flung yourself out of bed with a groan. Pets were allowed here, and it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that Soobin had gotten a cat who decided to be a little extra scratchy.

You poured yourself a glass of water in the kitchen, hoping to clear your mind and sort your thoughts. In the silence of the night, you could hear Soobin’s panicked voice through the thin walls. It sounded like he was on the phone with someone, as you could hear pauses as if he were listening to someone else. What a weird fucking dude, you thought. With eyes still drooping you walked back to your bedroom. The cat would have to be done scratching at the wall by now, right?

Wrong. The same consistent noise that would surely haunt your dreams still persisted. Knowing Soobin was awake gave you enough grounds to throw on a sweatshirt over your sleep clothes and go knock on his door.

When it swung open, you could see just how distraught he was. His usually fluffy hair was flat and knotted and his eyes were sporting huge dark circles that only made the panic in them amplified. Wait, panic?

“Y/N, I’m really sorry but you need to leave,” he had the door open just far enough to stick his head and shoulders out, as if he were trying to hide something.

“No, Soobin. I heard your cat scratching at the wall and it’s annoying the hell out of me. I can’t sleep. Can’t you lock it in the bathroom or something?” His face scrunched in confusion.

“A cat? I don’t have a cat.” Your insides boiled with hatred at the idea of him trying to lie his way out of this.

“Listen up Choi. Unless you have a dragon in your bedroom scratching the shit out of the walls, I don’t want to deal with your lies. Just take care of it! I need my beauty sleep and you and your noisy cat aren’t helping at all.” Soobin’s face paled and for a second you thought that you had finally won. And then Soobin said:

“It’s not a cat. It’s a racoon.”

You almost fell onto your ass right in the hallway. Soobin’s eyes sparked with a type of mirth you never thought such an admittedly gorgeous face could possess.

“I’m calling the landlord.” You snapped the door shut in his face and turned away.

That had apparently been the final straw for Soobin. The next day when you got back from work, you found a handwritten “RACOON HATER” sign taped to your door. What you found inside was somehow even more unsettling. Your whole living room and kitchen had been essentially trashed. Throw pillows and blankets were thrown haphazardly on the floor, many of your photos and art you had on the walls were switched around or taken down altogether. And the worst of it all; everything was covered in a fine dust of glitter. It was a struggle to find a single surface that wasn’t covered in glitter, really.

A new type of dislike for Choi Soobin brewed in your stomach. Hatred. Your kitchen counter- also covered in a dust of chunky silver glitter- became the victim of your frustrations as you slammed your hands down. It would cost you so much time and money to get all the glitter out of your living spaces, let alone the fact that you'd inevitably be leaving some behind for the next poor soul to rent this apartment. Gritting your teeth, you went to work with your poor little vacuum.

You had only managed to clean your coffee table and half of your couch before you heard a series of loud knocks on your door. You grumbled at the idea of having to take a pause in your work but you trudged over to the door anyway.

To be honest, you had no idea who you were expecting to see behind your apartment door-which you belatedly realized was still decorated with Soobin’s handmade sign- but you didn’t think it would be the man himself.

Soobin stood in the hallway, picture perfect as always. His face was tan and smooth and free from any possible blemishes. Had he plucked his eyebrows? They were groomed to neat perfection. His tall frame was dwarfed by a fuzzy blue sweatshirt that was easily a size too big. If you had met him by chance on the street, you would have fallen in love in an instant. But you knew better. You knew he was the one who reduced your once lovely apartment into the mess it was now.

“Oh, sorry,” he feigned innocence, “are you busy?” He didn’t even try to hide the smirk that blossomed on his face. A grumble of a curse fell from your lips before you responded.

“Yeah. Some asshole decided to break into my apartment and spread glitter on everything. So yes, I’m sort of busy,” you laced your voice with enough venom to kill a horse, and it seemed as if Soobin had gotten the message as he shrunk back into the hallway a bit. His mouth opened and shut in rapid succession as he struggled to find the perfect retort.

“I-” he cut himself off as his soft eyes became hyper focused on a spot on your face. Suddenly you were a new combination of concerned and offended. His hand hesitantly rose toward your face before the softness of his fingertips made contact with your cheek and brushed something away. You held your breath the entire time, unsure if you should be upset or worried or utterly lost in the way his skin felt against yours. The contact was brief but still made your skin burn bright red. When his hand left your cheek, you saw that he had brushed away a piece of glitter that was now resting delicately on his fingertip.

“Sorry,” he hurried out, “I just wanted to get the glitter off of your face.” His whole demeanor had changed, and you were sure that whatever plan he had in mind when he knocked on your door had vanished.

“Okay, weirdo,” you tried to ignore the way you were yearning to feel his touch again, “I’m still busy so can you like, go away?” Upon hearing your words he turned away to head for his apartment door with ears as red as you’d ever seen them.

Although the glitter incident was now months behind you, you still often found pieces in random spots around your home. And Soobin was still a pain in your ass. He had been quiet for close to two weeks after your odd encounter and you were almost convinced that he had changed his ways. You were quickly proven wrong when he conned the man who works the front desk into hiding your mail for a week straight; making you subsequently late to paying some of your bills.

More recently, a new person had moved into the apartment across the way. The first day you met him, you were busying yourself with taping up Soobin’s door with bright pink duct tape from the outside. Your new neighbor-who you learned to be named Yeonjun- had squatted down right next to you and offered to help tear pieces of the tape.

You and Yeonjun had become fast friends. He was incredibly charming and willing to lend an ear every time you needed to complain about Soobin. For a while, you were almost able to forget the fact that the devil incarnate lived next door to you. While your work schedules tended to be a little crazy, the two of you managed to talk for at least a few minutes every day. He helped you gain some sanity back within your apartment hallway.

Despite also being friends with Soobin, Yeonjun never took sides in your little feud; but you were always secretly worried that somehow Soobin would put a bug in his ear. One day, about two months after Yeonjun had moved in, he knocked on your door while you were in the middle of making dinner. You invited him in but he hesitated.

“I just came to talk to you,” he bit into his bottom lip, “I really like you. But I don’t see us ever being more than friends. I hope you understand.” You scrunched your eyebrows. Where was this coming from?

“Uh okay? I know that. I don’t like you...like that, Yeonjun. Did you hit your head or something?” You were seriously confused. Yeonjun’s eyes widened comically.

“Well Soobin said that-“ as soon as the words fell out of his mouth Yeonjun put together the invisible puzzle pieces. His face morphed into extreme regret. “I’m so sorry. I should have known it was part of your weird prank war. You should have seen how convincing his acting is though, he really had me thinking you had a crush on me.” You scoffed at the idea of Soobin beginning to spread rumors to one of your closest friends just for the hell of it. If Yeonjun hadn’t been mature enough to address it right away, you could have gone through weeks of confusion about why he was avoiding you.

You looked back at your kitchen, catching sight of the steaming bowl of ramen you’d just finished making. Sighing, you shut your door behind you to stand in the hall with Yeonjun. He looked sheepish in your presence as you laid a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m not mad at you, Yeonjun. I’m going to talk to the bane of my existence,” you gestured toward the door with the shiny ‘370’ plaque. “Just don’t bother calling the landlord if you hear yelling.” As soon as you heard the sound of Yeonjun’s door snapping shut, you laid into Soobin’s door with a heavy knock. As soon as it was opened far enough, you wedged your body inside and subsequently sent Soobin stumbling backwards.

“How dare you?” You roared, throwing your hands in the air dramatically. “I’m fine with your petty pranks and all the other stupid shit you pull against me because that’s all between the two of us. At least it’s funny and gives me something to think about in my free time. But when you start to involve my friends? That’s way too far. There was no reason to rope Yeonjun into this. He’s your friend too, Choi.” Soobin seemed surprised that you had come in with so much to say right off the bat.

“Y/N it’s really not that big of a deal. I just wanted to see if you actually had the capacity to have a crush on someone. And you’ve been spending so much time with Yeonjun I figured he’d be the perfect person to test my theory with, plus the humiliation factor of him not liking you back would have kept me entertained for days” he sat down on his couch casually, “I guess he had to break it to you that you aren’t as flirty and irresistible as you think you are, huh?” The air crackled with tension as you gawked down at his sprawled form.

“What are you even saying? Yeonjun and I are just friends. And why does it matter to you if I have the capacity for a crush or not? You hate me. If you’re just waiting until I get a boyfriend so that you can come in and ruin it all with your shitty vendetta then you’re much worse of a person than I ever pegged you for!” Tears welled in your eyes but you wiped at them angrily. Out of all the fights and disagreements you’d ever had with Soobin, this was the first one that stirred an odd emotion in the pit of your stomach. You were tired of the back and forth. Soobin seemed oddly alarmed at the formation of your tears as he got up from the comfort of his couch and approached you like a wounded dog.

“Trust me, I have no grand plan to ruin your life at every turn even though that’s what you think. You spend so much time with Yeonjun, I thought maybe you liked him. I knew he didn’t like you because when I told him that I-” Soobin actually clapped his own giant hand over his mouth as the words hung in the air between you. Anger shot through your mind at the idea that he didn’t even have the guts to relay the entire story.

“You what? You’re so wrapped up in your own little world but you can’t even finish telling me what you said to someone else? I can’t believe you, honestly,” you turned and made your way toward his door, wanting nothing more than to go home and take a hot shower. Soobin’s hand clasped around your wrist as he gently yanked you away from the exit. His strong grip kept you standing right in front of him and although you struggled against him, there was no use.

“I told him that I like you.” For a second, you thought that you had misheard him, but he continued. “I told Yeonjun that I like you. And he told me that I should go for it, because he doesn’t see you as more than a friend. But I freaked out so I told him that you liked him. I knew you probably actually didn’t.”

Your brain was short circuiting at the confession. Choi Soobin, who had complicated your life beyond belief since the day he moved in months ago liked you?

“But,” your eyebrows drew together as you tried to comprehend it all, “you hate me, Soobin. We have a whole...rivalry! There’s no way you actually have feelings for me. I swear if this is just another prank I’ll shove my hand so far down your throat-“ Soobin threw his hands up in front of his body in a form of defense.

“No! I don’t hate you, Y/N. I’ve liked you since the day we met. I just thought the pranks and petty stuff was like...our way of hanging out? That’s why I kept doing them. I thought you were having fun with me.” It was ridiculous how much he sounded like a little boy explaining his side of the story to a teacher. It was even more ridiculous that the corner of your brain where you’d stuffed all your feelings for Soobin began to overflow.

“Haven’t you ever heard that there’s much better ways to tell someone you like them? We could have spent the last 11 months not at each other’s throats if you would have just manned up and found out I like you too.” You saw the exact moment that the words finally processed and his entire face lit up with the recognition.

A familiar, deeply dimpled smile grew across his face as his skin reddened. He clasped his hands in front of him and swayed back and forth on his feet. Before you could think to stop him, he leaned in close enough that you worried he could hear your heart thumping against your ribs.

“You like me too?”

“Yes, Soobin. I like you too. And I would like you even more if you stopped your stupid pranks,” you tapped his nose with your pointer finger twice. He nodded eagerly with his tongue sticking out from between his teeth slightly.

“Deal,” he stuck his hand out to you and you raised an eyebrow to silently ask if he was serious. His hand didn’t waver, so you grasped it firmly and pulled him toward your body until you could wrap him into a tight hug. It was an odd feeling, soaking in Soobin’s scent as he gently rocked the two of you back and forth in his apartment. Odd, but good. Perfect.

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my-emotional-self · 3 years

Text

Toxic Love Chapter 7

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes

Summary: Finding out your soulmates were Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes was one thing. But when someone from your past comes back to haunt you, you have to figure out if a relationship with two super soldiers is something you really want to pursue or if you’d rather go back to your comfortable single life.

Series Warnings: 18+, Swearing, Angst, Fluff, past mentions of rape, self-harm, attempted rape, domestic violence, stalking, death threats, possible Dark!Steve?, Steve will be an asshole a LOT in this series but I don’t know how dark it will get, explicit sexual content, mental health issues, kind of A/B/O dynamics but not really (no they are not actual wolves, more like the hierarchy), mentions of suicide, flashbacks of suicide, nightmares

A/N: There will be no taglist for this story! I apologize in advance!

8 Years Ago – Age 17

“Y/N, do you know why you are here?” the shrink asked from across the large desk. You looked down at the typical uniform of a patient at a psychiatric ward. Yes you knew why you were in here. A few months ago you witnessed your father’s dead corpse hanging in your living room. The next thing you knew you were writing a suicide note of your own and your foster parents found it before you could do anything. Now, you were stuck in a psych ward, probably until you at least turned 18.

“Yep,” came your short response.

The shrink glanced down at her papers in front of her, going through all of your notes. “We want to help you as best we can Y/N. You’ve been through some very traumatic experiences in your life and you’ve witnessed a great deal. We are going to get you all the help you need.”

3 Months Later

“Have you heard of Borderline Personality Disorder Y/N?” your psychiatrist, Dr. Wang asked.

That made your head snap in her direction. Here you were, still stuck in the psych ward after three months and you weren’t sure why. “I’ve heard of that, yes. But I thought I was just depressed,” you mumbled, chewing on your fingernail.

You were clinically diagnosed with depression shortly after coming here.

“Well, that’s what we originally thought at first. But the longer you’ve spent time here, the more I and the rest of the staff have discovered it is BPD. You’re intense mood swings, combined with your ongoing feelings of emptiness and the intense bouts of anger you have are all signs of BPD. We are going to switch up your medications and that will really help with your mood swings and anger issues.

~~~

No matter how hard you tried, sleep never came to you that afternoon. You tossed and turned all afternoon in your bed and nothing seemed to be working. Not only that, but you were really starting to get more irritable as the day went on and you knew it was time to change the dosing of your medication. It was like clockwork, every year to year and a half. The only problem was that you couldn’t leave the tower without Steve, Bucky or an anyone else. How were you supposed to get an appointment with your Psychiatrist if you couldn’t leave the tower alone? This only increased your anger and frustration as you got out of bed to get ready.

You brushed your teeth and put on a some jeans and a t-shirt, not really caring what you threw on. All of the specific clothing you wore for work was in the closet of your game room along with your makeup and accessories.

Upon leaving your room, you saw Steve and Bucky sitting at the island in the kitchen of your shared apartment. They both looked deep in thought over some paperwork and you assumed it was for work.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen, you were about to head into the elevator as you didn’t want to disturb them, but Steve spoke up and caught your attention. “Where are you off to?”

“Oh, umm, I’m heading down to my game room. I’m going to work tonight,” you mumbled out as you pressed the button for the elevator. You noticed it was on the ground floor and it would take a few minutes to get to your level.

“What time do you plan on being done?” Steve questioned.

You huffed in annoyance, already irritated as anger began to creep through your bones. “I don’t know. Whenever I get done,” you snapped. Immediately you felt regret, but sometimes your emotions got the better of you when you were in dire need of a medication change.

“Hey, what’s with the attitude?” Steve commanded as he got up from his seat and stalked over to you, hands on his hips. You noticed Bucky looking at you from his seat with furrowed brows. They had never seen you angry like this. You were always so compliant and easy going.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m just tired is all.”

Steve looked at you sharply, his lips in a thin tight line. “Alright. Just make sure you get to bed at a reasonable time tonight. Promise?”

“I promise,” you answered back.

~~~

In the comfort of your game room, you quickly got to work. Digging through your closet, you decided on a light pink tank top that said ‘Gamer Girl’ in black letters with two gamer controls on it. Since your webcam only showed your top half, you threw on a black pair of cotton shorts to be comfortable.

Next, you put your hair up in space buns, making sure they were situated just right so they wouldn’t be in the way of your headphones. You put on your typical game night makeup: bright pink eyeshadow with dark smoked out liner, some mascara and blush and you were good to go.

Turning on your monitor, you began to power everything up and once that was done, you logged in. Immediately your followers started putting in their messages off to the side and you smiled as you read them. You always tried to read as much of them as you could.

As the night went on, you knew you should pack it up and listen to what Steve said; getting to bed at a descent time and getting rest. But you were having way too much fun tonight and so were your followers. It was one of the best nights you’d had in months and not just money wise.

Ignoring the clock you continued to play and interact with your followers with the microphone that was attached to your headphones. Every so often you would glance to your messages box and see what some of them had said. Most of them were cheering you on but of course you always had some haters in there as well.

It was when you noticed the screen name of one of them that made your blood run cold. JSmith20. ‘It can’t be’ you thought to yourself, trying to keep as composed as possible as hundreds of people were watching you game in this very moment.

John’s last name is Smith and he always told you how his favorite number was 20, because that was how old you were when you met him. No, but he’s still in prison. He hasn’t gotten out. He’ll be in there for many more years to come. It had to be one of his friends right? The same friend that had been delivering those letters to your old apartment. ‘Yes, that’s right. It’s just one of his friends trying to torment you’ you thought to yourself.

Then, the person behind that screen name typed a message into your message box.

Hey babe. Do you miss me yet? I can’t wait to see you – J

Yep, your composure went out the window reading the message. Then another message from him popped up.

I see you are no longer living in that little one bedroom apartment. Did you really think you could up and move and I wouldn’t be able to find you? Oh babe, how cute. I will find you and we will meet again soon. I promise – J

As you stared at the words on your screen, you heard groans from the other players on your team. You had just lost the game.

“Shit,” you swore, anger bubbling up inside of you. “Fucking damnit!” You slammed your fist on the desk.

You rarely lost games. Losing always put you in a foul mood. But because of already being irritable and your emotions on over drive, losing just made everything worse.

Looking at the clock it was just before five in the morning so you logged off and shut everything down.

You took your hair out of the buns, immediately feeling the tension in your head ease. Ever so quietly, you opened the door and poked your head out into the hallway. It was bitch black so you used your phone as a flashlight and tiptoed to the elevator. Before pressing the button on the elevator, you paused. What if the noise of the elevator woke up Steve or Bucky? You had promised Steve that you would get to bed at a descent time and seeing as it was just about five in the morning, well, you kind of figured you’d be in trouble.

Instead, you opened the door to the stairs which was situated right next to the elevator. At least taking the stairs would be much quieter.

You climbed the stairs up a few levels until you reached your living level and you waited on baited breath for a few moments. Nothing. Nothing but silence. As quiet as a mouse, you snuck through the door and dashed to your room, thanking your lucky stars that the palm scanner didn’t make any noise.

You took a nice hot shower, washing off all of your makeup and the stress of the last few hours. As much as you wanted to forget John messaging you, it wasn’t going to happen, neither was any sleep.

Rather than even bothering to get into bed and try to relax, you sent an email to your psychiatrist letting her know that you would more than likely need a dose change on your medications. Frantically typing away at the email, you explained how you were beginning to get irritated and it was harder for you to control your bouts of anger.

Luckily for you, Dr. Wang was an early bird and she emailed you right back. She wanted you to come see her for an appointment and your heart immediately dropped. That wasn’t going to happen as one of your rules was that you weren’t allowed out of the tower by yourself. And as much as you liked Darcy, you couldn’t trust her to go with you and not say anything to Steve or Bucky.

Typing out your reply, you explained that you were unfortunately not able to meet in person and if there was anything else that could be done. After you hit sent, you began to pace in your apartment, clearly on edge with everything going on. You just wanted to feel better; you hated feeling this way. It was as if you weren’t in control of your body and you definitely weren’t in control of your emotions.

A notification came through your laptop and you rushed towards it, almost tripping over your feet. As you read her words, you could have cried right then and there. She had agreed to a phone call appointment and she had time right now to discuss things with you.

Grasping your phone, you dialed her number.

“It’s good to hear from you Y/N,” Dr. Wang stated as she answered the phone.

“Oh Dr. Wang it is so good to hear your voice.”

She let out a soft chuckle. “Yes, it has been a little over six months since we’ve last spoken. How are things going with you?”

“Where to begin,” you started off saying. You let her know that you indeed met your soulmates and had moved in with them. You went over the rules that Steve had given you and she made you feel better as she stated she had seen way worse rules. Hell, she said your rules were like a walk in the park compared to some she has heard.

“Alright, now, let’s get down to business. How are you feeling these past few days?” she asked curiously.

“Ugh, not good. Moving was stressful but I have been feeling really irritated over the last few and I’ve had a few bouts of anger rush through me that makes me want to punch something, but I’ve luckily been able to hold back on that.”

“What about any risky behaviors such as reckless driving, spending sprees, binge eating, drug abuse or sabotaging anything positive in your life?”

“Not yet,” you stated. You knew the routine. She was going over all the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder to see what has changed with you.

“Ok good. How about any intense fears of abandonment or rejection?”

That question always hit you like a punch to the gut. The only reason you had stayed with John for so long was because of that right there. He purposely wouldn’t let you see Dr. Wang or he wouldn’t take you to get your medications refilled and because of that, you were starting to feel those feelings; not wanting to be abandoned no matter what.

“Nope,” you replied.

“Ok then. I am going to increase the dosing on your current medications but I want to warn you. Without you coming in and personally seeing me and without getting some blood work done, I don’t know how well this dosing is going to work, if it will work at all. We might need to discuss changing the medication all together,” she stated.

“I understand Dr. Wang. And do you think maybe you could prescribe some sort of sleep medication for me too?”

“I can prescribe a one week trial of a sleeping medication for you. After that, I really need you to try and come see me in the office and we can discuss that further. Now, did you want me to send these prescriptions into your regular pharmacy?”

“Yes, that would be great. Thank you so much Dr. Wang.”

“No worries at all Y/N. Give the office a call and get an appointment set up.”

“I will. Thanks again.”

Now that you had your medications all taken care of, you had to figure a way to leave the tower so you could get them.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #dark!steve rogers #dark! steve rogers

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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 3 years

Text

There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Stuck. Sorry, I don’t know your real name.

I wrote this long ass post to bring some light into the fandom and between the CSs, and I hope you can post it? I’m new in the Tumblr world, but not in the 5H fandom. I don’t quite know how it works yet and, for the moment, I only know your blog and those of @emisonme, @karlaswine, @sun-to-my-luna, @underthatimpression, and @mentesimploria because, in one way or another, you’re all connected to each other. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate every single one of you, the passion you have, and the hope you keep alive among those who, like me, love the girls. Also, the patience you guys have, especially against the haters, is admirable. I love the fact that you keep going. Because this is your sacred place, as it should be.

This is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I’m what can be defined as a ‘silent fan’. I never commented on anything in the girls’ posts, not even on the fan accounts I follow. I don’t have Twitter. I have Facebook but it’s like I don’t have it because I don’t use it. I have Wattpad (obviously). I recently registered here on Tumblr, and I have Instagram. That’s what I use. It’s the only app along with YouTube that I use daily to keep up with the rest of the world. Especially the American part of the world. I’m Italian, but I speak American English well, and I apologize in advance if my lazy ass hasn’t noticed possible grammatical errors. I saw that a lot of you are into this stuff, so I thought I’d add it just because. I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo rising.

I’m gonna turn 29 on December 22, and this is a BIG fuck off to all the people who have attacked you lately for your age. This is personal information that I give freely to make ignorant and small-minded people understand that, in this context especially, age is irrelevant. As you, little fucker who hides behind a computer to attack people just to feel stronger, have a life, we have it too. Like you, we have a life, a job, friends, etc. We also have passions. Passions that yes, my dear haters, also include shipping people. I don’t know why in your stupid brain we’re too old to ship people we love and to give opinions about it. I didn’t know it was something reserved only for those who still smell like mommy’s milk. But anyway…

I became aware of 5H existence just before summer 2015 thanks to ‘Worth It’. Being Italian, however, I had no idea who they were, and to be honest, I didn’t go searching for them. Randomly one day then, I ran into Camren on YouTube. I can’t remember which video I was watching, but I know for sure it was about ‘Heya/Brittana’ (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera/Brittany and Santana, my very first hard LGBT ship). And among the suggested videos, there they are. As ridiculous as it sounds, and although I liked them as soon as I saw them, I didn’t go searching for them. I did it when ‘Work from Home’ came out though. From there, I connected that they were the same ‘Worth It’ group and the same two girls I liked from those YouTube videos. I had officially become a fan. I was screwed. Screwed because, I’d officially entered one of the most messed up and yet most beautiful fandoms ever.

As I initially said, this is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. But after the recent events, seeing how many people gave up, it made me a little angry and gave me the strength to speak for the first time. I thought the first time would’ve been through the fanfiction I’ve been working on for over two years, but no. Lauren and her beautiful mouth had to terrorize, disappoint, panic, and make angry 80% of CS, thus fueling the hatred of all the other fandom towards us. So I decided to speak now. Maybe, just maybe, this very long ass post of mine is gonna help struggling CS. Maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna make them reason and bring them to their senses.

So. This, as I think you’ve understood, is about Lauren and what she said in the podcast. This is a reminder of the Laucy situation. These are things we already know and that I want to remind you of because apparently, my lovely fellows CS, either you have a short-term memory, or Lauren has the power to create amnesia in people’s minds and I knew nothing about it. Surely this power of hers didn’t work on me and a few others.

Oh and, before starting: 1) You may disagree with me. It’s normal to have different opinions. 2) You can search for information such as dates, easily on the internet. 3) I’m gonna use nicknames on PRs for fun. That doesn’t mean I hate them. I have my reasons for dislike each one of them as people, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that they were or are the Camren beards. An example to make you understand what I mean is Ty. I’m a huge Ari fan and I’ve been listening to ‘safety net’ non-stop for two days straight. I really dislike Ty as a person, but I separate the art from the artist.

Okay, that said, I can start.

Lauren said: “I knew I was queer because I fell in love with my best friend when I was like 15.” – “Her and I started to have a physical connection when I was 15.”

Lauren and Lucid Vivisectionist met when L moved to Carrollton in 7th grade. Lucille moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (this explains the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at L’s house). In February 2012, Lauren was 15, Camila 14, and Lucy 16. And who did Lauren meet when she was 15? Oh yeah, Camila. C and L did the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Audition where Camila took courage to speak at the (“Oh my God that girl is) literally so beautiful” girl from which she felt intimidated by starting that adorable brief conversation “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket” just before it was her turn to get in for her audition. In May 2012, Lauren and Camila were both 15 years old. Lauren and Camila saw each other again for the first time on July 25th, two months later, in Miami on the first day of boot camp, and it was Lauren herself who went to Camila: “You’re the Cuban girl!”. In July 2012, Lauren was 16 and Camila was 15.

Lauren said: “She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere, and she called me.” Let me explain to you why I think this is true.

Lauren and Luxy reconnected with each other after Lucy’s car accident that took place on May 15, 2015. Lauren was really 18 in May 2015, and we can rule out The Reflection Tour dates because it started on February 27, 2015, and ended April 6, 2015. We can also rule out these other show dates that 5H did: April 11 in Jackson Township, New Jersey - April 13 at Live! with Kelly and Michael in New York - April 19 Lauren was at Coachella with Keana, Britt, and other friends - April 22 at the Worldwide Radio Summit in Hollywood - April 25 at Radio Disney Music Awards 2015 in Los Angeles - May 8 at Channel 93.3 Summer Kickoff 2015 in Chula Vista, San Diego - May 9 at Wango Tango 2015 in Carson, Los Angeles (May 9, rumors about Camila and Louis Tomlinson just because paparazzi believed they were together when Louis was actually together with Liam outside the Project Club L.A., and C who was at the club next door) - May 15 at KDWB Radio Show in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The rest of their program and possible date: May 16 at Kiss Concert 2015 in Mansfield, Massachusetts - May 19 at Dancing with the Stars in Los Angeles - May 30 at G-A-Y in London (rumors about Lauren and Louis Tomlinson this time, born because 5H went to Libertine nightclub with Louis and Niall) - May 31 at Britain’s Got More Talent in London - June 2 at Capital FM in Birmingham, England - June 5 at Good Morning Britain in London - June 6 at Capital FM Summertime Ball 2015 in London - June 12 at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii - June 14 at LA Pride 2015 - June 18 at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Los Angeles - June 20 at B96 Pepsi Summer Bash 2015 in Bridgeview, Illinois - June 23 at San Diego County Fair 2015 - 28 June at Show Of The Summer 2015 in Hershey, Pennsylvania - July 10 at Rockefeller Plaza in New York. July 15, 2015, beginning of Reflection: The Summer Tour.

June 27, 2015 Lauren turned 19, and do you guys remember the events of those days? Because I do.

On June 24, 2015, Lauren celebrated her birthday in advance at the famous sushi restaurant ‘Katsuya’. Among the guests were the girls, her mom Clara, some friends, including Jill (the same Jill/Jillian Gutowitz who worked with Zack Sang and who 5H met on April 22, 2015, at the Worldwide Radio Summit, which lasted for three days but they were present for two: 22 and 23. The same Jill who wrote the article for AfterEllen on January 25, 2016, about her experiences with women who denied their sexuality. Remember the story of Lauren Jordan, right?), and Noah Benardout (may he rest in peace). Still no Lucia, not even on the days when Lauren returned to Miami to celebrate with her family before resuming the program from the 28. As I already said, The Reflection Summer Tour began on July 15, 2015, and Lucy’s first public reappearance took place on one of the tour dates, that is, July 27 at Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

From that moment on, we saw Lucille appear on multiple occasions in hops through time. After the July 27th date, we saw her during the trip to Hawaii with Lauren and Keana in September, followed by the concert that the girls had on October 10 in the Bahamas, where they stayed with their families and friends for a few days. After the Bahamas, the mess happened between 5H because they found out about Camila’s departure from the group which initially should’ve been immediate, but for which they fought and gained another year. That, was also the time when Laucy signed their PR contract. As we know from Lauren herself, that was the worst and darkest time for her. That was the beginning of her numbness.

On October 23, they were on their way to Italy and Lauren wrote on her dark diary, the one shown to us in Episode 8 of her Attunements. On October 24, they arrived in Milan for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2015 occurred on October 25, and on October 28, in Madrid instead, there was the interview with Alyson Eckmann, the journalist Camila flirted with while Lauren was sitting right next to her.

Going forward, in November we have:

- Rumors about Lauren and Julius Dein (his friend who is a YouTube magician).

-The release of IKWYDLS including the rumors about Camila and Shawn and Michael Clifford (who was already in the picture) who were ‘vying for her’.

- Beginning of Lauren’s coming out plan which included: 1) The release of The Vamps’ album on November 23rd, that is, a week after the release of IKWYDLS, and which included the track ‘I Found A Girl’. Joe O'Neill, the manager of The Vamps, liked that famous tweet. Despite the efforts to make us believe that Bleahren (sorry for the Italian pun I made here, but ‘bleah’ in Italian is equivalent to the ‘eww’ to indicate something gross, and therefore Bleah-Ren) Brauren was real and that the girl involved was Lucille and not Camila, they’ve miscalculated since Lauren and Brad ‘dated’ in 2014 when Lucy had not yet returned into Lauren’s life. But since the album and consequently the song came out on November 23, 2015, they tried to manipulate people’s minds as usual. 2) Jill’s article that served to connect and more or less ‘confirm’ the story between this Jordan and her childhood friend, Lauren-Lucy.

- December: completion of the 7/27 album + Dina LaPolt’s entry + renegotiation of the contracts (mostly DNA’s contracts) + FIFTH HARMONY MUSIC, INC. created by LAND on December 21 to prepare for the transfer of the 5H trademark, the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP, of which they became owners from April 27, 2016 + change of management from Faculty Management: Jared Paul and Janelle Lopez, to Maverick Management: Larry Rudolph, Dan Dymtrow, and Tara Beikae. [All things that were possible ONLY THANKS to the exit of C from the group]

- January 2016, we have Lauren and Lucrezia who came back from Colombia to then taking a road trip for Lucy’s birthday week.

- Jill’s article came out and coincidentally, by pure chance, exactly two days later, on January 27, 2016, Camila and Dinah were hacked.

- On March 9, 2016, Lauren, Normani, Andrea, Dinah, and Keana went to pierce their ears, or rather, Laurmainah pierced their ears, mama Dre and Keana just accompanied them. During her turn, Lauren asked Keana to take her phone to make a video. In the meantime, Mani was filming Lauren, and again by pure chance, Keana, who was in the heart of the frame, took Lauren’s phone as she’d asked, and both the lock screen and the home screen portrayed a picture of Lucania during a photoshoot. Same picture Lucy herself posted on Instagram on April 10th to leave no doubt.

- April 24, 2016, Coachella together.

- Luciana went with 5H in London, in May, during the promotion of the 7/27 album. (+ Camren video of May 28, 2016)

- She was present during the start of the tour in South America on June 26th (in the evening during the concert, L danced Big Bad Wolf for her, but that’s not the famous video, that was on September 5) and 27th to celebrate L’s birthday together (picture of the 27th of them in Buenos Aires).

- June 27, 2016, on L’s birthday, Jill posted a picture with L from the birthday dinner of the year before, further confirming the story of ‘Jordan’.

- August 1, the national girlfriend day, L posted a picture of her and Lucy.

- From August 12 to 21, Lucy was with them. The night after the concert on the 13th in Rochester Hills, Michigan, videos in which Lucilla appeared during Lauren Fuller’s birthday celebration at the hotel for dinner. On the 14th in Noblesville, Indiana, during Gonna Get Better and Big Bad Wolf Lauren smiled in Lucy’s direction who was in the audience. On the 18th in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a fan met Laucy in a movie theater restroom, taking a selfie with Lauren (C posted a picture of her in the dark with the words of Bad Things “don’t think that I can explain it” the same night).

- On September 4 and 5 Lucippe returned. On the 5th in Houston, Texas, the famous ‘super HD’ video took place in which Lauren danced Big Bad Wolf for Lucy, even pointing to her during her verse. [On September 6, Midland, Texas, during the Q&A, Lauren wore the same dress that Lucy was wearing to the concert the night before, and at the same time, she sat next to C and got jealous when C complimented a fan by sending her flying kisses. Ahh… The irony]

Now. Let’s move on to the part of the podcast where Lauren explains about the kiss with Lucza at her uncle and aunt’s wedding, how her aunt “super innocently” posted the pictures on Facebook that her “unreal invasive fans” found and posted, how Perez Hilton outed her to the world by posting an article with those pictures, how she did nothing for a week, and that after thinking “Ok, it happened. People know. What am I gonna do?”, she wrote that letter against Trump as her own way of coming out.

On November 4, 2016, Lauren and Lucynda did the ‘famous’ photoshoot in New Orleans called ‘Bare With Me’. Lauren flew to NOLA right after Halloween, got back to Miami to vote, then returned to New Orleans on the 10th along with her family for the wedding. Lucianna was also with her on the 10th for the rehearsal/bowling with all of Lauren’s relatives. Meanwhile Orange Trumpeter was elected on the 8th, and many celebrities were preparing to write a letter through Billboard against him and his supporters. Labels and management saw it as a perfect opportunity to get her to come out also considering how much Lauren has always been vocal on the subject, and THEY contacted Billboard to get her to participate in exchange of the exclusive of her coming out. All that was missing was the evidence to make sure that there had been no connection with Camila, and that was the reason for the kiss at the wedding on the 11th.

On November 13, the wedding photographer posted those pictures on his website, including the one of the kiss. And I’m sorry, Lolo, I love you but, really? Who are you kidding? The pictures didn’t start spreading because her ‘unreal invasive fans’ found them on her aunt’s Facebook page where she’d posted them ‘super innocently’. The pictures started spreading after the photographer posted them! And you know what’s even more funny? That to see those pictures on the website, you needed an access password. So what are you saying here, Lo? That your ‘unreal invasive fans’ were so good, to even have hacked their way into the website for pictures they didn’t even know existed? It wasn’t your team, was it? Oh, okay. My bad.

Sarcasm aside. The pictures started to spread, Perez tweeted about it on the 14th, and in the meantime Lauren had time to write the letter that was approved by the labels and sent to Billboard (on the 14th), who approved it a couple of days after it was sent (on the 16th), and which they then published it in the article two days later (on the 18th). In all of this, on November 15, 2016, the girls all went to Epic’s party. Since we know very well that most of the cases of coming out as bisexual in the industry made by a female celebrity occur in succession with the connection with a guy, that night there was the PR proposal between Typo Dolour Signal and Lauren that he obviously accepted, and in fact, he was there that night at that party too (Picture of C with a tear mark on her cheek).

Now, the icing on the cake of the Laucy’s PR: Nicole Cartolano. Nicole is a friend of Lecy’s with whom she had already worked together and who also posted pictures of Lauren on November 17 and 22, 2016, one on December 31, 2016, together with Marian Hill taken backstage after Lauren’s performance with them on the 30th, the night before, for the Snow Globe Festival in South Lake Tahoe, California, and the one of Laucy (with the piñata) on January 10, taken the same night to celebrate Lucilia’s birthday at midnight and that Lauren also used to post it for wish her a happy birthday. That was the last public interaction between the two. *Slow entry of Tympans Dollhouse Signalized in the picture from January 4, 2017, thanks to that tweet*.

On January 21, 2017, Lauren and Lucy were at the same Women’s March, but separately (single), and we haven’t seen them together anymore. LuBYE. On March 22, 2017, both ‘Bare With Me’ and the interview article Nicole did with MTV News (she confirmed that Laucy had been together by having an on-again, off-again for years and also said a lot of other bullshit like the fact that the girls were nervous because they didn’t know how their parents would’ve responded) came out. On August 13, 2018, Nicole officially apologized to Lucy for being angry with her for posting the pictures and therefore for having outed her and for having taken part in the MTV interview without their permission. There was also the screenplay made by Nicole’s mom to make everything even more true.

Bullshit on bullshit on bullshit. Number 1, Lauren herself confirmed in this podcast that her parents knew about her, and said how much she loved Lucre’s ‘I’m out and proud’ part.

Number 2, Nicole posted a preview of the pictures on March 18, 2017, so if she really wanted to stop her before the publication on the 22nd, she would’ve had time to do so.

Number 3, Lucita came out publicly on her own with that Spanish post on Instagram on November 20, 2016, saying in summary that she was anything but straight because she didn’t want to label herself (she did it years later by saying she was a lesbian).

Number 4, as Lusia also confirmed in that post where Nicole’s mom left that comment, Nicole signed a non-disclosure agreement form. If she had actually violated it without having had a release and written consent form, she would’ve been sued.

Number 5, if Luciferase really wanted to have that conversation in private with Nicole’s mom, she might very well have done so. She could’ve contacted her and answered her IN PRIVATE for real, and not via IG where EVERYONE saw and took the side of poor, poor Luckless.

Number 6, the biggest proof that shows the hypocrisy of all this, Lucasta continued to work with Nicole. Their last work dates back to November 25, 2019.

Okaay, sure… sure, because it was normal for her to continue working with the person who outed her, wasn’t it? People’s lies never cease to amaze me. For that matter, Nicole also posted a picture of their ‘adventure’ as they made their way to the photoshoot location on November 1, 2017, and continued to wish them both a happy birthday with posts every year.

And lastly, on June 6, 2020, we have the Lucerne’s video leaked (+ old pictures and videos of 5H) where she burned pictures of Lauren and of the two of them together in 2017, accompanied by the tweets occurred two days later, in which she explained that she was hacked and that she burned the pictures for a closure. Then, exactly 20 days later, that is on June 26, 2020, the PAPER Magazine article of Lauren’s interview came out. What a coincidence! In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years.

Lauren, honey, the maths, the maths… If according to your words you fell in love with her at 15, got together with her at 18, and broken up at 20, how can these be 7 years? It’s 5 years… And as if it wasn’t enough, still according to your words, after 1 year and 8 months (from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), 2 months of which public because of the wedding pictures, of the relationship you wanted at all costs, “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”, you broke up with her because she was really toxic, and after less than a month, you started dating an even more toxic person without the proper time to heal?? How do you expect me to believe you? And I’m putting aside the fact that I know they’re both PR relationships. I’m speaking out of logic. How? How can I believe you? How does this make any sense?

Personally, yes, I believe Lauren and Lucy have a past. Lauren’s first kiss was when she was 13 (8th grade) with her boyfriend at the time, Dominic, but I think Lucy was her first kiss with a girl. And I think it happened when she was 15, but in 2011, so long before Lucy left. Lauren dated Paul Martinez from June 4, 2011, to the end of July (around 23/24). From after Paul, until her very first PR at X-Factor, Keaton Stromberg, she was single. I truly believe that before she met Camila, Lauren and Lucy did everything Lauren said. I really believe Lauren experimented with her in secret, but I don’t believe in anything else she said at all.

This is my opinion. And in my opinion, Lauren always knew she was queer, and Lucy was the first with whom she could experience the attraction and the feelings towards girls she had always felt and concealed deep inside herself. But they were friends. Just friends. Friends who messed around and experimented together in secret given the environment that surrounded them. Lucy then returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply drifted apart because of the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H. When she came back into Lauren’s life, they rekindled their friendship. Just that. Also because, Camila, hello? Camila entered Lauren’s heart the same year Lucy left and never get out of it. Not to mention that Lucy had a girlfriend, Sarah Scott Narcise, before getting together with Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017. I honestly think that Lucy was also giving advice to Lauren about her relationship with Camila, and I also think that now they really aren’t friends anymore for something we don’t know about, even though I have my theories… But anyway. Lauren needed a beard to be able to come out, Lucy needed visibility for her modeling career and, at the time, also for her music which, however, never saw the light of day. The labels approved because they would’ve done anything to keep their chosen one out of the gay light. Camila also approved. Boom, PR.

I don’t believe all the other bullshit she said during the podcast. Because if they’d been true, they would’ve made logical sense. A sense they’ve been trying, and failing, to give for years. If Lauren really didn’t want to come out, she wouldn’t have done a photoshoot with Lucy a week before the wedding with the intention of using that same photoshoot to come out. She would not have kissed Lucy in a public place during the wedding pictures in front of a professional photographer hired for the event, knowing full well that those pictures would eventually have been published by the bride and groom, her aunt and uncle, and the photographer himself. If she wanted so badly a picture of her kissing her girlfriend, drunk or not, she would’ve taken her fucking phone and take selfies. It wasn’t the fans’ or Perez’s fault. It was the management that was following the plan.

And I’m supposed to, what exactly? Forget all these things, things that have been proofed multiple times in the past, because Lauren, or Camila, or management, or labels, or their contracts, must continue with their stupid narrative? Because Camila must continue to look straight and continue to look in love with Shalt Menstruated because the señorito is about to release his documentary and his album? Because Camila’s movie is about to come out? Because Lauren’s own album is about to be released and because the subject matter of her female-pronounced songs must only and exclusively be related to Lucy? (Although I think her album will be out next year. I think a song with female pronunciation is coming out soon. And no, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s Burning)

Guys, come on…

Think about it. She used Lucy as a shield to tell part of her story with Camila that happened in 2014. It all fits. Even the story told through songs from Camila’s cocky POV, including ‘Like Friends Do’, ‘Eyes on You’, ‘Cleopatra’, ‘Leave for Good’, and a couple from her last album like ‘Should’ve Said It’ and ‘Feel It Twice’.

I understand why many of you have been hurt by this podcast and by Lauren herself. I understand why a lot of you are angry about the things she said. I see you, I understand, I really do. And everyone is free to feel whatever they want, I’m not saying otherwise. But I really don’t understand why you’re hiding or why you’re abandoning the ship. Authors who don’t wanna write anymore. Accounts closed. Names changed. Hope lost. This, all this, makes me angry and hurt. Because you fell for it. And you know why you fell for it? Because Lauren changed her approach. Leaving aside the part just before when she said: “Even when I talk about it, and I don’t talk about it because I’ve learned to just ignore it because-” and there, I swear I had to pause because I burst out laughing, and I was like: “Bitch, you’re the one who pulled this out of your ass out of nowhere right this second, what are you saying?”. She went on by saying, and she knows us so well because of this: “I just chose to ignore it at a certain point because getting angry to them would it mean that it was real and validate it more for them”.

And it’s true. This non-angry approach of hers, worked like a charm. Lauren’s older, she’s more mature than before. Although she was very nervous, she managed to explain everything calmly. The fact that she was emotional and almost cried in many parts, it really gave an extra boost to what she tried to sell. And I’m not saying she faked almost crying. Hell, no. That was super true and hard for her. I’m saying though, that it’s really easy to manipulate people’s minds, and Lauren used her real pain, the real suffering she has gone through over the years to tell this charade. That’s why it seemed so real. And I’m supposed to fall for that shit just because that’s what they’ve wanted for years, right? Convenient much?

Guys, please. You’re smarter than that, use those beautiful brains. For example, the fact that Lauren said: “I was queer, but she was not”, wrong as you want it to be, and “Camila and I were just really good friends at that time”, yeah, sure, Jan. Doesn’t the very fact that she used the past tense make you realize that it was done to completely detach herself from her IN THE PRESENT? Everything she said was for something. Everything had a purpose. And the goal is always the same. Make us stop shipping ‘em. Putting a label on C only served the Shoestoremila purpose, nothing else. And those were words that came out of the mouth of the one who says she doesn’t like labeling people. The same one who was pissed that someone had outed her before she wanted to. Do you really think she’s that hypocritical?

The fact that she put all the CS in the same box, especially when she talked about the Daddy situation, WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. She couldn’t fail to generalize because their purpose is, and will be for a long time to come, to kill Camren. That means the whole fandom. Not just invasive elements. But really all the CS. The purpose was to make us feel guilty. The purpose is to make us accept that it was never real, and since we care about them, to make us continue to support them individually and not as a couple, even though she knows that the real CS do it regardless. This, is called manipulation, guys.

Think about everything else too. The inconsistency. The holes in her story. The lack of explanations. And the fact that during the story of how it all happened, she jumped from one theme to another and therefore managed to deflect and not completely finish one before moving on to the other, doesn’t it make you understand that she didn’t want to give too many details? And when does that usually happen? She knew we’d analyze her. She knew she couldn’t say too much. When she talked about Lucy, she knew that WE know she was talking about Camila, and with too many details, it would also have been obvious to the others because WE would’ve pointed it out to everyone. I mean, it’s obvious enough in itself, imagine if she’d fed us more information that we would’ve compared in the timeline.

Please, guys. I know that it feels like something’s changed, but it’s not. It’s really not. I’m appealing to all of you. Open your eyes. Reason. I know many of you still have conflicting emotions and feelings, and that’s okay. If you’re still upset, if you still wanna cry, then cry. Do whatever helps you feel better because, especially after the haters have come to bite your asses, you’re entitled to feel the way you do. But please, please, don’t give up. If you give up, you just play their game. You just do them a favor. You guys had invested so much of your time, so much of your passion, so much of yourselves to just, give up. Think of all we’ve been through, especially those who’ve been in the fandom for years. Think about how happy Camren makes you. They were there for you when you needed them. When you were going through hard times. I know they’ve helped a lotta people.

And think about this too. Lauren herself said at the beginning of the podcast: “The news and the media are constantly spinning narratives for your clicks so they can make money”. And what do you think this podcast was for? It’s always the same shit. Have you not noticed how the very same news and media have ALL talked about them? Didn’t you notice how My Oh My magically returned into the charts? How 50ft surpassed the 9 million streams on Spotify? And you still have doubts?

This is instead for the CS who get often angry about their actions. I personally think it’s pointless to blame Lauren and Camila for every single thing they do that has been PLANNED for them. Especially Camila as far as Shonas is concerned. There’s a pattern here too. Lauren had her light PR with Lucia. Lauren then had her heavy PR with Typic Dole Sight while Camila had a light one with Eatchu. And now Camila’s having a heavy one. C’s one is heavier simply because they’re much more famous than PRen (Tyren) were. So, guys, be patient. There’s really no point in getting angry and blaming them. It’s a waste of energy. It’s useless to blame them if they’re gonna continue to do so over the years to come. They’re just still trying to get past their original contracts and survive in the industry at the same time. Sooner or later, I HOPE, they will be free to tell the truth or the truth will come out on its own.

Well, I’m done. Jeez, that was long, wasn’t it? But I hope it was worth it. I hope I’ve cleared your heads a little bit and instilled some hope again. I also hope I made you smile with all those nicknames and my sarcasm. I especially hope that wherever you are, you’re having a good day, and if not, then I hope it has improved at least a little bit with this post. And thank you so much, Stuck. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my voice for the first time publicly/virtually. You, above all, keep on being one of the lights and NEVER let them turn you off. I love you guys. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay patient. With love, F.

I leave you with these two pearls:

Number 1. Lauren said something else too. She said: “Don’t trust me. Go research. Go look this shit up yourself”. I know she said it for a completely different context, but I found it really funny given the situation.

Number 2. This is a small scene that automatically created itself in my head as soon as I finished listening to Wonder. I titled it: The sad and short story of the making of ‘Wonder’.

Enjoy:

*on the phone*

Shawl Mendicant: “Hey, buddy. I know you were a huge Fifth Harmony fan and I know you love my fake girlfriend, so I was thinking… could you help me? You know, I need her to stay relevant, but to do that, I also need to release music and completely take all the credit from other people because, you know, the most I do is change a sentence or two in my style to make people think that I wrote all my songs.”

Sam Smith: “………okay?”

Shawnita Menorrhagia: “So, I was wondering, can I copy your homework? You can totally refuse if you want to, but I’m hoping to appeal to the love you have for 5H and Camila, and maybe help a friend out?”

Sam Smith: “Yeah, sure, you can copy my homework. Anything for my girls. Just, change it up a bit so it doesn’t sound too obvious you just copied it.”

Shonas Mended: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Thanks, man.” - *ends the call*

Sam Smith looking at the phone with an incredulous expression and one hand over his heart: “I came out as a non-binary, you insensitive asshole!”

Shoes Mentionable from the other room: “Cameeela! He said yes!” *reaching then Camila and Lauren in the living room where Lauren is lying with her head resting on Camila’s legs who’s running her fingers through her hair with one hand and holding the book that she’s reading with the other one* “You were right, all I had to do was mention you girls.”

Lauren chuckling and continuing to pet Cleo who’s lying at the foot of the couch with one hand: “Told you”, to then adding: “And please, I know you’re excited because of the news but keep your voice down”, continuing to caress Sofi’s head who’s sleeping on top of her with the other one.

Shapeless Mentality: “Oh, sorry.”

Camila without looking away from her book: “Sam’s really nice. I’m sure they would’ve said yes even without the need of mentioning us.”

Lauren: “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that, babe. Yes, they’re very nice, but we’re powerful in their minds, so it was an added incentive for them to say yes.”

Shaved Mentholated: “Who are they? Weren’t we talking about Sam?”

Camila who was giggling at her girlfriend’s words:

Lauren:

Sinu from the kitchen:

Cleo who was nibbling her toy:

Even Thunder, Leo, and Eugene from outside into the yard:

*the end*

Chon Mendable: ‘Wonder’ - Sam Smith: ‘One Last Song’

____

OMG I am speechless. I’m really still digesting this whole story because it’s amazing but I wanted to start by saying hello to you and telling you my name, my name is Marite. It is a pleasure to meet you dear friend. I don’t want to write too much because your words are much more important than mine but I wanted to thank you for trusting me and my blog to tell me your story. That side of the story that, being new and not having been a harmonizer from the beginning, I never learned. I intended to ask for more information about Laucy’s Timeline but what you have told is a gem. A gem that shows that the bastards of the industry cannot fool the fans because we pay attention to everything and it is not easy for us to fall for their shit. I think the power we fans have is so great that if we all came together, we could bring down this whole fucking fake empire that they have created. That said, Laucy’s story is surprising. As planned and how each person involved had to do their part on the chessboard. Incredible. Now that you tell me that story, I think it fits the one I wrote in my once upon a time post. Sure, yours is true and has everything that mine doesn’t. I have tried to keep this blog open for all who wish to come and air their ideas, their thoughts, their tea. And you dear friend, you have been one of the best so far. You’ve given us that support that the fandom so badly needed and I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your humor, the nicknames have been so hilarious and I’m still laughing. Thank you for daring to tell this part of the story and reopen the can of worms of a PR that right now resurfaces with that Lauren interview. With a purpose, it’s true. And something tells me that we will see much more very soon. Thank you for your support, my friend. And you know, you have my blog at your disposal for whatever you need. And if you need to talk or anything else. I greatly appreciate that we can continue to keep this ship afloat among ourselves. Among a group of intelligent people who have been hurt by someone we have always loved very much even though we know the reason for all that. We can’t give up now because if we do it like you say they will win and I personally don’t plan to indulge them in that. Thank you very much for all dear friend and I hope you have a nice day. I send you a hug and I hope you stay safe.

#submission #laucy timeline #amazing #thanks you buddy #camren #f anon

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anicocat · 3 years

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I really tried to enjoy the season and look at the bright side of things because this its almost the end, right? i should enjoy it a last time before its over. i still feel really bitter and upset most of the times tho. this is not what i pictured as the final season at all. i'm just sad.

Hello! Sorry for the late reply!! I'm so sorry you feel this way :( Hahah, you know, since S5 my emotions have been as stable as a glass of water in a roller coaster, so I feel you!! There are days where I try to look at the bright day of things and I realize that:

We had lots of beautiful clips with Sobbe in wtFOCKDOWN. All this content was bizarre and funny in a really really good way no other Evak remake had.

With all his lockdown walks and video calls, his S4/S5 clips and his pictures, Sander now has a lot more of screen time/photos than the original Even and maybe even more than other Evens. We're very lucky just for this.

Seeing the way they basically ruined the girl squad's friendship and Zoë, Amber and Luca characters beyond recognition or fixing, I'm just glad Robbe and Sander characters are still awesome, engaging and authentic as ever. They're flawed ofc, but it's still them not some strangers.

Sobbe is one of the most stable, solid relationships in the whole SKAM universe along with Davenzi and Evak, so that's a BIG win because we know wtFOCK takes the drama to a whole new level. We basically dodged a bullet 💀!

But there are other days when I think that:

I really wanted to see more sides of Sander. I was so curious to learn more about his past, his friends and the way he interacts with other people besides Robbe. There's a lot of mysteries around him that we're never going to unveil.

It's been a whole year since wtFOCKDOWN so all our knowledge about Robbe (and most of characters) is pretty much outdated despite the fact the series is still ongoing. What are his plans for the future? Is filming a hobby or something serious? How's it going with his family? His relationship with Sander? Do they have plans together or are they just living minute by minute?

Robbe's one of the most featured characters all the way thru S1-wtFOCKDOWN, and at some degree S4. In the final season he's only been featured twice, so I would expect that after three years we can have a good, satisfying closure to his high school journey.

I really wanted to see Robbe and Yasmina make a really beautiful bond. They had a really good chemistry and both have similar personalities. I really liked what they did with Sana and Martino in SKAM Italy and I wanted to see something similar in wtFOCK.

Since dic 2019 and until april 2021 I had pretty solid, safe expectations about the scenes I was going to see with Sobbe in Yasmina's season. Evak had them, Niccotino had them, Elu had them, Crisana had them... so it's natural we also anticipated Sobbe's scenes, right? That's a whole year and a half of waiting and feeling excited... for nothing!! I thought only Davenzi would be the unlucky couple (kind of, because they had a few nice scenes anyway), but now we're in the same unlucky team (so far) hahah. Some days I'm good, but some other days I still feel upset whenever I think about this. It's hard to let go after so long.

The season/series is nearing its end (we only have left three eps with plotline) so I've also been thinking a lot about the way I experienced the 6 episodes of the season. I really tried to enjoy it like you, and I somewhat enjoyed it thanks to the amazing Yasmina/Younes chemistry, but it's true I felt really upset/disappointed most of the time. Since it's the final season, I felt guilty but I also reminded myself that I have very valid, solid reasons to be upset.

A lot of people all the way thru the season tried to guilt-trip other fans for being negative, looked down at them for wishing Sobbe scenes in a Sana season or called them dramatic/ridiculous because we weren't seeing any signs of the Sobbe subplot (that in the end didn't even happen) 🤣 But we actually had every right to feel upset from the start because the signs were always there, signs that this would be another S4 2.0 (in terms of pacing, characterization, etc. I know Yasmina's journey can't be compared to Kato's... whatever she experienced.)

There's nothing that can be done now tho, and it's time we to give more weight to all the positive reasons why Sobbe's absence in S5 is good. And I'm now preparing to move on from this mess and keep treasuring the wtFOCK pre-S4 that I still love. Thankfully I didn't listen to haters/trolls telling me to shut up, so I was able to vent and express my anger, say everything I wanted to say and talk with a lot of people even if unfortunately I wasn't able to answer every single ask (I'm so sorry about this btw 🥺). I'll finish the season without regrets!!! I experienced it in a very honest way and I didn't force me do to anything, you know? I didn't force me to be positive because in the end I knew that my positivity would make feel more frustrated since I would know it wasn't genuine. I also noticed and appreciated a lot of things in previous seasons I wasn't actually appreciating, so it was good evenif it was bad haha 🙂I think i love S3 and wtFOCKDOWN more than ever and I'm just really happy. I hope you can be happy again or at least feel calm soon too.

#wtfock #wtfam #asks

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cosmicbash · 3 years

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I hadn’t even thought about MTBMB delux I would die if they collab on it that would be so sick

And yes I completely agree!! Love EST 99% of the time but they need to leave Pete alone like obviously him and Kells are still fine

And the clip was so good and so funny and it’s been known that Pete and Kells are both Em fans

I totally get the whole beef rehashing being good publicity but it’s just so tiring like the whole marketing TTMD by using Kells and Megan’s relationship

And I think it would be even more publicity if Kells was featured Bc everyone would be freaking out

Also I think the whole people hating on MGK as a rapper won’t ever be completely over but Em actually saying something/collabing would help

Like imagine Em retweeting what Kells said about corny headlines

Also sorry if this is a lot!! I just feel like your opinions are mostly aligned with how I think and feel about these things and you tend to have a lot more Em knowledge than I do! But lemme know if I’m bothering you :)

I'm really crossing my fingers for a MTBMB deluxe instead of a whole new album because goddammit it was so FUCKING good. Genuinely a first for me where I loved EVERY single song on an album the first listen through. And the quarentine really ruined a chance for it to really shine with more music vids or even a tour/press thing.

From what I've seen of EST they are all really ride or die, which is GREAT! But also ironically that means a good deal of them also display that crazy Stan behavior they complain about Em fans for having. Kells doesn't NEED his fans to play attack dog and jump at anyone who THEY think might have possibly wronged him no matter how minor. It just makes him look bad in the long run. As sucky as it his fan behavior DOES reflect badly on artists in situations like this. I get some ire in est spaces because I'm an Em fan but I found Kells through the Em beef and I'm not gonna suddenly throw away like a decade plus of me liking an artist and his music because I also really like his new beef of the year. 😂😂 like?? Cmon. I aint Em and I aint Kells so why the fuck should I care about their beef? It doesnt affect me in any way shape or form and Kells himself was an Em fan before it all went down. I'm not gonna pretend to hate either of their music because they dont like eachother. They very obviously couldn't give two shits if their fans overlap too. I don't see Em calling out fake stans or Kells doing the same. (Shit, the majority of other rappers he's collabed with are Em fans guys. Cant you respect him enough to realize he doesnt want his fans to be sheeple who just follow the herd blindly??)

But anyway, EST attacking Pete is a super dick move towards Kells. Thats his friend. Someone he cared about enough he literally dropped everything and got on airplane to go to see and support when unnecessary internet hate put him in a dark place. Like I-- I don't even think its worth wasting text to explain how dumb people hating on Pete look right now 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

The TTMD marketing focusing heavily on his and Megans relationship is something I would need a whole ass post by itself for to talk about hahaha. ((Gonna clarify right now before an assumption is made that I love Megan and I'm very happy for her and Kells relationship ✌ doesn't mean I can't be annoyed with how obviously some member of their teams is going way too overboard with milking it right now. Its a smart ass pr move for sure. Would be a waste NOT to use their combined star power and the buzz around their relationship, still a lil annoying and tone deaf at some points) (cough, cough, just like how the Em beef was milked by both sides until the teet was sore. Cough)

Kells being featured on and Em track would be 👍👍. Just feels like the best way to round off the beef and officially end it. (Specifically kells on an em album though. Anyone hoping for the opposite and to get an em feature on kells next album is gonna be wishing for a long time I think. Em will want to have kells feature on his first imo.)

Kells is always gonna get hate for being a rapper. Even if Em came out and called him great and did multiples features/collabs/ fucking tours with him. White rappers will always get hate in the hiphop world. Especially those who branch out to other genres and just dont fit this mold the hiphop community wants. Look at all the hate Em gets! In Ocotober HH twitter had a fucking meltdown and started a hate fest trending about Em all because of a RUMOR he might drop an album. Even though Em has shown his skill and worth and been recognized by the other greats he'll always get hate and struggle. Just how it is. Kells grew up getting hated on for the same reasons as Em did when he started rapping so he should know by now that it's always gonna be like that and the best thing to do is just enjoy his craft and ignore the haters. Cuz they will always be there.

And don't worry! I'm never bothered by asks or someone wanting to chat about this kinda stuff. I'm not one to go out of my way and make big posts about my opinions just on their own so gives me a chance to rant ahaha. My inbox is ALWAYS open for a reason ♡♡

#eminem #mgk #beef #emgk #hiphop twitter #Pete #est #yeah im tagging it all again #im sure ill find my way to those tags anyway #but im a pete simp so #stop hating on my boo

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

Text

14. Exposing the Void Pt. 2

So, okay... This chapter kinda fucked me up and I rush edited because like... I just want to get past this whole thing. I think it’s important to note that outside of 10 episodes, the concepts we were given in I.T. would be drawn out a little longer and take more time to impact the characters and also for them to deal with and go through. So, as I warned previously, rough content ahead.

Word count 5331 Trigger warnings: Gas lighting,revenge porn, slut shaming, mental abuse,ableist terminology,violence

It couldn't really just be in her head, right? Had the opinions of strangers made her THAT far away from reality? Simon definitely “liked” every single comment where someone was being mean to her this morning… but by the time she asked him about it, none of the comments were liked. She knew she didn't imagine it. It happened for a few days before she flat out asked, "Are you fuckin' with me, Dude?"

"What do you mean?"

"With this liking the comments thing you've been doing, then undoing?" He stared at her like he was worried about her. "It's not funny. If you keep doing that, I'm gonna block you."

He furrowed his eyebrows and rolled his eyes, turning away from her. "Maybe you need to take a break from social media. It's getting to you."

It wasn't "getting to" her! HE was getting to her. Playing these games that she was unsure of why he wanted to mess with her like that. He knew she was sensitive about criticisms. To like the comments? Then unlike them later, so she felt crazy?? Wait… Grace… this is Simon. Why would he do that to you? Maybe you DO need to take a break from social media.

Her parents seemed as happy as she would expect about her wanting to go to college to get more pulp for her performance arts. They weren't easily excited, so their small approval was enough for her.

But… for whatever reason… Simon had talked to them about her issues with the Internet and after a long lecture about how they didn’t raise her to be weak and insecure, she was really at her wits end with Simon. She didn’t say it, but she was pretty irritated about it, to the point that she found herself snapping at him over things, then regretting it when he looked taken aback and hurt. Sometimes, she would see a flicker of anger and expect him to explode, so that they could finally just have their fight and be done with it… but he would always just turn off his reaction, which was probably something that he learned from her, but boy was it infuriating for her to go through.

If SHE fussed after he had diffused things, then she knew that she would be being a bitch. So, she simply choked down the anger and got over it after a little while. It’s just that those moments were frequent enough that it soon felt better to not even speak to Simon at all.

She signed up for talent shows and amateur night spots. She went on auditions for local productions. She threw herself into recitals and built her resume. She shut Simon out and focused on her skills for the future. Despite the fact that Simon was equally busy, she found that he managed to always be at her house whenever he wasn’t busy. They weren’t even kicking it as much. Usually, he was with her parents.

She would come home and chime, “I’m home!” And Simon would say, “Welcome home!” from another room. At first, she would go to greet him, give him a kiss, and speak to her parents, but closer to spring, she didn’t even announce whenever she got in. She came in, listened to see if she heard his voice in the house (usually did), and she would go to her room and start working on whatever music project she was into.

Followers were asking her for new content, but she’d always just say, “I’m working on something.” She would see the chats though - the sorrow and fear of fans that the haters had scared her away from the industry. She would turn on Summer Walker, Ari Lennox, Cleo Sol, Quin, Sza… She would let them sing comfort and confidence into her while she got washed up and set up to work. She would know that she was influenced by their work, but try not to just copy any of them. Plus, she added much more bass to anything that she made. She practiced rapping sometimes, but she often felt silly and knew that she would sound like a Kids Bop album if she actually tried to record her rapping. But, in certain songs, she was able to get away with distorting her voice a little and making portions of the rap match with the songs.

She liked to experiment with various styles, make beats, have a vibey sound that you could also shake to. “Black hippy girl with funk and soul, that’s mellow, but you can groove to it,” was how she tried to describe her work. There wasn’t a genre that really captured it well.

She worked on covers of songs, and made videos like Todrick Hall did, where she put together a cover singing multiple parts… but she didn’t want to share them and be accused of copying. She was copying, but only to see how her own would be. She rented studio time to do demos.

She came out of the studio one night, mentally preparing to go home and see Simon there with her parents, but he was outside when she came out. It startled her, but she smiled and said, “Hey… didn’t expect to see you here!”

“Doesn’t seem like you ever expect to see me,” he said, emotionless.

“Yeah. You’re usually SUPER BUSY with my parents,” she said bitterly, but cheerfully.

“Are you still mad that I told them about your Internet problems?”

“No. I just think it's weird how much time you spend around them. They’re my parents and I don’t even spend that much time around them.” He sighed, annoyed. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

“This is the third night that you’ve been here and left roughly at the same time. If anybody is watching you, they might know your pattern. You should be more careful. You’ll make it easy for enemies to hurt you.” It was a weird thing to say, she had to admit. It creeped her out. His tone and the suggestion, BUT, it also was Simon, who was naturally paranoid, protective, and proactive. So, she figured that he was in worried boyfriend mode and got into the car with him.

Simon wasn’t around her parents as much for a few days. She had some peace, but also had time to think about how much she missed him. She even beat herself up a little and reminded herself that she KNEW this would happen. This was why she didn’t want them to date in the first place. It had ruined their friendship!

She texted him: Hey. I miss you.

Simon: Just a few days ago you didn’t even want to say hi when you came home.

Grace: I mean… I miss you being my friend. We’re where I was afraid we’d be if we dated.

Simon:... Do you want to break up with me???

Simon: Because a text isn’t a nice way to do that.

Simon: And this is a really bad time.

Simon: DO YOU WANT TO BREAK UP WITH ME?

Grace: No. I just want my friend back.

Simon: I want my friend back too. But, you’re the one who changed, Grace. Not me.

Grace: I thought all of my changes were positive, though. So… why didn’t they bring us closer together?

Simon: (Read)

She didn’t hear back from him until the middle of the night, when her phone rang, but she missed his calls. She usually was a pretty heavy sleeper, and she took melatonin, because she could never seem to go to bed at night. 17 missed calls by morning and she called him back first thing. “Simon? Is everything okay?”

Simon looked at his bloodied knuckles and lied, “Yeah. Sorry I called so much last night. I figured you’d be asleep, but I just… needed my friend.”

“What happened?”

“I got into a fight with my dad.”

“He’s home? What was the fight about?”

“I accidentally knocked something down in his workroom and I never picked it up. Listen, I know that you hate me spending time around your parents, but could I crash there a few nights?”

“Yes! Of course!”

“Thanks.” he hung up and looked at his father, who was drunk and passed out, his face pounded in from Simon’s fists. He might be stuck on that couch for a while. He might not even remember the fight that they had the previous night. But, Simon made sure to let out every portion of rage that he ever had towards the man. Surprisingly, it gave him clarity on some things. He had been struggling with whether or not he intended to destroy Grace. She seemed to be coming around in her texts last night. Maybe… he could forgive her. Maybe they could make things work. Even if he couldn’t have her, maybe he could have his friend back. He was going to spend a few night there and try to assess everything.

Thursday through Sunday bliss for Grace. By Monday, as she sat in class, sniffling, her tissues now wet beyond repair, she still couldn’t wrap her head around what had happened. Simon said that he must’ve left his web cam going from when he was practicing his arguments for an upcoming debate. It was important, because they were nearing the end of the school year and this one one of the final debates.

She hadn’t even planned on anything happening between them, but they had been doing so horribly lately and she wanted, more than anything to just feel like she was on his good side again. Hell, sex wasn’t the worst thing a person could do and she had done far more for Simon in her life. So, though it took her a moment to settle herself into being comfortable with it, it wasn’t like she was morally opposed or even repulsed by it. She didn’t have urges, but her parts worked. With enough focus, she knew she could enjoy it and perhaps it was stupid of her to think that it would or could fix anything, but she at least hoped it might help.

Monday morning, everyone was looking at her strangely. Some laughed when she passed. Some whispered. NOBODY seemed threatened. Shana finally broke the silence with a very loud announcement of, “Good Morning, Internet’s Honeypot!” Everyone laughed. That wasn’t funny.

She rolled her eyes, but approached Shana. “What are you so cheery about?”

Shana feigned shock and asked, “Oh, you don’t know, Give It Up Grace? It seems that somebody was naughty over the weekend. I’d even say, downright NASTY!” The girls with Shana started laughing and didn’t stop whenever Grace threw them a warning glare.

Something was wrong with this picture. “What are you talking about, Shana?”

“Your boyfriend says that somebody stole his laptop this morning from the journalism room. A likely story. He’s the only thief in this school. But, whatever the truth is about that, this certainly is authentic,” Shana turned her phone to show Grace what was very clearly her, in a very personal situation with Simon. You couldn’t really see him, but she was certain that anybody who saw this could make him out. She slapped the phone out of Shana’s hand and rushed away. Every pair of eyes that fell upon her seemed to know… they all must’ve seen it. Where was Simon? Had he DONE this to her? She checked the journalism room, where he was talking to a group of boys who she knew weren’t even in journalism… “Simon!” She called.

The boys all began hushed laughter and Simon smiled at her, kicked one’s chair and warned him, “Knock it off.” He met her at the door and she was breathing hard. “You… okay?”

“No! Have you not seen that recording? A recording, mind you, that I didn’t know about nor consent to! Simon, PLEASE tell me that you didn’t record us without checking with me… Tell me that somebody who has it out for me hid a camera or something and…”

“What are you talking about Grace?” He asked. She studied his face. If there was anything that he should be worried about, there was no sign of it on his face.

“Shana said that your laptop got stolen,” she said. “Was there anything on it that you need to tell me about?”

He blushed, “I mean… I do have quite a porn collection,” he said, laughing. “And I found it! I’d apparently just left it in the library. Why?”

“Did you record us this weekend? Yes, or no?”

He furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed, “Is that something that you think I’m capable of?”

The conversation went in circles of her insisting that SOMEONE recorded them and him finally going through his laptop to see the video in question, then denying realizing that he had done this. But, since he left his laptop in the library, anybody could have sent it out. “Why would I do this, Grace? You worshiped me in the moments following this, why would I use it against you?”

“I don’t know!” She squealed, crying and embarrassed and now guilty because she had accused him. He gave her a hug and she cried on him. He walked her to class, but he didn’t seem to mind the whispers that were echoing in her head as they passed people. But, he was a boy.

Nobody was judging him the way that they were judging her. She would hear details like, “You can see that he’s not even wearing protection! She has no self respect.” or “I don’t think he pulled out. Good thing her family can afford abortions.” Then there was Shana. Shana had been waiting YEARS to knock Grace off of her pedestal, and she took every chance she got to do just that.

“Ooop. Backshots Ballerina in the building, Girls!” or “Mommy in the Making Monroe has arrived!” The worst part was that Simon wasn’t defending her. He wasn’t telling Shana to shut her fucking mouth. He wasn’t glaring at people laughing at her. He… seemed to be enjoying the attention. Then again, the attention he got was positive. She saw guys fist bump him and clap him on the back. She saw him laughing with people and them all quiet down when she approached. Simon always had an excuse as for why - none of which were related to “this obsession of yours.”

This obsession? The entire student body had seen her entire body. It was circulating and they were shaming her for a private moment she shared with someone she loved… and he wasn’t even phased by it. Did he even fucking love her??? Was this typical boy bullshit?

“You know Grace, your insecurity was cute at first, but now it’s starting to become pathetic,” Simon said. “You’re a public figure. People will always have something to say about you. Suck it up.” She slapped him in the face and stormed off, equal parts satisfied and mortified that she had reacted that way. She didn’t see the smile on his face as he rubbed his cheek. He was breaking the void down. She was losing respect and she was losing her cool. It had been so long since she reacted in violence. It kinda turned him on. It was like seeing old her for a moment. Even if it was directed at him.

Maybe she could get on a train and just leave town. Cash in her trust fund, buy a bungalow. Never look back… “Grace?” a boy’s voice said. She turned to see one of the Apex dudes. He bowed his head and she tapped her right cheek with two fingers. He came forward and held a sunflower in his hand. “I’m sorry that you’re having such a bad day,” he said and extended it to her.

“What is this?”

He looked confused. “Tribute.”

“We’re still doing that? Nobody has said a word to me all day…”

“Is the Apex over?” he asked.

She sighed and took the flower, shrugged her shoulders and said, “I guess it can live on with Simon. I’m… done with everything in this place.” Tears welled in her eyes and he reached out to offer her a hug. She accepted. Graham? Grant? Was the first person, Simon included, to be nice to her about this thing that she was going through. It was short lived. Simon appeared out of nowhere and before she could think or speak, had the kid by the collar and slammed into the lockers.

“Who do you think you are?” Simon asked him, baring his teeth.

“Simon! That’s Graham! He’s Apex. He was just checking on me!” She said and pulled on Simon’s shoulder.

Simon pressed his forehead to Graham’s and he said, “If I ever see you touch her again, you’ll give your right hand as tribute to me. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Simon. Understood Simon!”

“She’s. Mine.”

“I know, Simon. I’m sorry, Simon.” Simon shoved him and he rushed away. Simon raised an eyebrow and looked at Grace, expecting her to scold him for it. That’s what she was good for these days.

She looked relieved, though. She rushed into his arms and collapsed onto his chest. “I thought you didn’t care about me anymore.” She looked up into his eyes. They still weren’t soft like they used to be, but he had a bit of a smile on his face as he collected her.

“You never have to worry about that.” She squeezed him tightly and cried on his chest. He wanted to tell her to stop it. That people could see her and that she looked weak to them. But… that was the whole point of doing this to her in the first place.

Grace took a few days off of school. Simon brought her homework assignments. She was in bed most of the time. She wasn’t creating. She wasn’t living. She was sort of wasting away. Fortunately, so far the video scandal was being kept among the students, but she lay in waiting for when it went beyond them and she would have to try to explain herself to her parents. This was something that might never go away.

Thursday evening, Simon asked, “Are you ever coming back?” She shrugged her shoulders and climbed into his lap for cuddles. This was her comfort. A bubble with her favorite person, away from social media, away from relentless peers, away from her parents. Simon kissed her on the nose. “Has this… made you never want to try again?”

“No. I almost want to make a purposeful video and send it out myself, just to show these bitches that I’m Grace Monroe, and I can do anything.” Simon’s eyes lit up. That was his Grace! She laughed and rested her head on him again. “How’s it been for you?”

“I don’t like that you’ve let it keep you out of school. You HAD perfect attendance. Now, you don’t.”

“I don’t care about perfect attendance, Simon. I care about… being the perfect girlfriend. That’s my new goal.”

“What brought this on?”

"Just… I think I get why you haven't really been bothered about things. I've been shutting you out, shoving you away. I haven't been as open or supportive as I used to, so why should you be?" He looked different suddenly. He looked like old Simon. She knew those eyes. She knew that smile.

But, within moments, it went from warm, to guilty, to confused, to cold. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "There's a tough transition from childhood best friends to this. As long as you've got it now?"

"I think I've got it now." She said and kissed him again. She melted against his body and he strummed his fingers up and down the back of her neck. This is fucked up, Simon. You did something horrible to her, and now she's apologizing… But, she's still leaving you. It doesn't matter if she feels bad for being a bad girlfriend. It doesn't matter if she wants to undo that. She. Still. Wants. To. Leave. You. Proceed with her destruction… Its destruction. He cradled her, resigned that what he had already done and what he intended to do was completely fair and right.

Grace spent HOURS getting her hair unloc'd. She had to lose a lot of it, but it was still pretty long and made a large puffy halo that she could hardly wait to show off when she got back to school the next week. She felt brand new, though she wasn't excited to see the faces of her tormentors again. She and Simon got out of the car and she wrapped an arm around him and held her hand forward. Simon smiled and they moved forward. The kids made way, she smiled and greeted. Simon was quiet, but confident.

Shana said something and Grace exchanged knowing facial expressions with Simon. He smirked and gave her a little nod. Grace handed her backpack to Simon. She flapped her fingers, said, "Wah wah wah," then uppercut Shana. Uppercut. Shana bit her tongue and stumbled back, her mouth bleeding and her hand on her chin. Simon smirked. Grace accepted her backpack back.

The last time something like this happened (and it had been a while since Grace threw a punch on her own behalf, or on Simon's for that matter, nobody saw anything. They didn't know anything. They didn't say anything. But when the dean came rushing over, asking what happened, someone said, "Grace just assaulted Shana!"

Grace was startled by that. She saw other kids nodding and agreeing that was what they saw. She looked at Simon, who, instead of swaying them back to obedience said, "Shana asked for it." Grace's eyes went wide. The dean grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her to his office. She turned to look at Simon. He was just staring at them. He wasn't riled up or upset or even following. The kids gathered behind him, also just staring… What. The. Fuck…

Her parents were not happy. "Expelled? Expelled?? At the end of the school year?" Her father complained. "Over violence? We didn't raise you like this!"

"You've barely raised me at all!" She snapped. She winced and said, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to. Shana was bullying me.."

"That's not what all of the other kids are saying."

"It's not even what Simon says," her mother added.

Now, Grace's nostrils flared. "What does Simon say?"

"It's no secret to anyone that Grace and Shana don't get along, but none of us expected it to become physical. Shana was definitely giving her a hard time, but Grace let her temper get the best of her and I hate to say it, but it was pretty uncalled for, to lay her out like that." Her mother read from Simon's text.

"I handed him my backpack. He knew that I was about to lay hands on that bitch. Please! He's just saying that to impress you. Simon's seen…" she shut up. She was about to get herself into more trouble. "He definitely knew what was gonna happen when I handed him my bag."

"Why would he lie, Grace?" Her father asked.

"He's… obviously still mad at me for wanting to go to school. Simon can get really sensitive and a little bit clingy. He's punishing me."

"That sounds like a terrible relationship," her mother said.

"It sounds like Grace making excuses for her disgusting behavior," her father said. The doorbell rang and the butler let Simon in.

He shook Mr. Monroe's hand, bowed to Mrs. Monroe and began speaking to Grace like she was some type of volatile animal. "Heyyy, Grace. Are you okay?" She clenched her fists and narrowed her eyes. "I talked to the Dean to try to get this handled. The best that I could do was to get him to let you finish the school year from home and still have your grades as a student of the Academy. But he does not want you to come into the building again."

"Why didn't you have my back?" She asked.

"Sounds like he did have your back!" Her father fussed.

"I am not talking to you right now, Dad!" She shrieked. Everyone froze and stared for a moment. Her father looked ready to angrily lash back, but her mother wrapped an arm around him and told Simon, "You'd better get her together, or else we'll have to."

"I'll take care of it," Simon said.

"I'll take care of it? You'll take CARE of it???" Grace repeated, then laughed and shook her head.

Simon watched her parents leave the terrace and he sat next to her. "You seem like you have some things on your mind."

Grace was wondering if she was the crazy one? He completely threw her under the bus at school and in front of her parents and they just… ate it up. "Do they know that I'M THE ONE that always has to keep you chill?"

"You're not that one right now."

"That's because you're being different. You're up to something and I can't figure out what?"

"I'm playing the game that we play with parents. You WANTED them to like me, did you not?"

"Not like this! They're not supposed to think you're better than me!"

"I see. I get it now. All those times when you insisted that we should be treated equally, you were just lying to me like you lie to everybody. And now that people are treating me good, you can't stand it."

"This isn't about PEOPLE, Simon, it's about MY PARENTS and how you're... you're... STEALING them!"

Simon tells her, "It's not my fault they like me more than you." Grace started crying. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "God, AGAIN with the crying. You're really a child."

"What is your problem? How can you say something like that to me when you know how I feel about my parents?"

He scoffed, "Yeah. And now we get to the truth about how you feel about me too. This is bigger than your stupid fucking parents." She looked at his face. He looked… like he was having a completely different conversation. His face would never let on that he had just said the mean things to her that he had just said.

"Is… this about me leaving for school? You turned on me because I was gonna leave for school, Simon?"

"You lied to me. You betrayed the Apex."

"The Ape… Simon WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? The Apex doesn't have anything to do with this!"

"The Apex has everything to do with this!" He finally actually looked as mad at his words. "We were the Apex. Just you and me! We had everything we needed in each other. We belonged together. We built it together. It was our mark on the world. Our show of power and greatness… and you just threw it away! You threw ME away." He out his face into his hands and tried to catch his breath. She still didn't know what this even meant.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that it felt that way. I just wanted to do something for myself… if it makes you feel like this, I won't leave, Simon. We'll work it out…"

He uncovered his face and it was surprisingly clear. She couldn't figure out what to think of him, but her heart was all over the place. Simon told Grace to calm down, but she was already sitting quietly, thinking, and she was getting mad that he was behaving like not only a stranger but a… horrible person! "I am calm," she said, though her teeth. "Just still very confused. Why are you being this way, Simon? I just gave you my virginity like a week ago.." her voice cracked.

He smirked, looked her right in the face and said, "That meant nothing to me."

She gasped and clutched her heart. This was… too much. Was she having a nightmare? Simon would never say these things to her. He would never hurt her. "Simon… are you saying that you don't even love me anymore?"

"I'm saying I don't even know who you are. The girl that I loved was strong, powerful and she cared about me. She wasn't a liar, pretending to love me until she could get away from me. Pretending to see me as an equal, but squirms anytime someone sides with me. She was worthy of respect. Whatever you are, you're not even worthy of her name. You're not worthy of respect. And you aren't worthy of love. You're nothing to me."

She shook her head and looked out at the estate. Tears were pouring down her face. He put his hand on her back and rubbed it and for a moment, despite everything he had just said to her, she was relieved that he seemed gentle with her. But the he said, "Before I go, I want you to know that I actually did record us on purpose…" her head turned sharply to him and she stared at his thin lips as he said, "And I'm the one who leaked it." …Then...he smiled.

Grace punched him in the teeth. He threw his hands up to cover his head. He knew her fighting style. She hit you in the face and head and neck. That's where she was swinging, but he was blocking well enough. So well, she was enraged and pulled his hair, twisting it in her fist to try to lift his head. Before she could strike him in the face again,she felt her mother's hands rip her away from him.

"Grace! You've caused us enough trouble with your violent outbursts! And now you’ve set your fists upon Simon?" All Grace could do was roar in anger, startling her mother.

Simon almost couldn’t hide his smirk. Luckily Mrs. Monroe was staring at her daughter (in horror), "I'm sorry, Mrs. M This was my fault. I didn't mean to make her so mad. I know how she gets when she gets mad…" Grace charged at him, but Mrs. Monroe stood between them and grabbed her wrists.

"WE will talk about this later!" She placed a hand on Simon's back and led him back into the house to assess the damage and be sure that he wasn't ready to sue like Shana's parents were.

Grace asked herself, "Am I fucking crazy?" Simon smirked at her as he walked away with her mom. "No. He's. Crazy. HE'S fucking crazy!" She grabbed a handful of her fro and leaned on the rail with the other hand, sobbing.

Simon turned to Mrs. Monroe and said, "You realize that I love her right?"

Mrs. Monroe became visibly tense as she replied, "I realize that there's some feelings between you that you believe are very strong, but I also know that my daughter is hard to love."

"That's not true! I loved Grace almost the moment I met her. She's very generous. She's helpful. She's protective, oh and she's genuine... being genuine is the most important trait of a friend."

While Mrs. Monroe wasn't paying attention to him, he and Grace looked at each other through the window, and he glared at her hatefully. She stormed through the living room and up the stairs, slamming the door behind her.

Then, she just… cried again, and sat down on the floor. She's unsure to this day how long she sat there, but she knows that both of her parents came together, each separately, the housekeeper, the butler and some doctor tried to talk to her before she finally got up, went into her bathroom and resumed sitting in the bathtub. She was there for 13 hours. She remembers that much. Not much else. The entire time period was just… day after day of hurt. And he still wasn't done with her.

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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legendarypizzaalpaga · 4 years

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Here are my thoughts on Frozen II

(and it’s going to be terribly long, I’m sorry)

Actually I don’t think anybody reads my articles (well, I might have written 3 in the past 5/ 6 years with like 4 years of inactivity so ahem) but I really need to share what I think about this movie.

I am a Hans fan AND a Helsa shipper. Or course I was disappointed by him not being in the movie, by knowing his useless appearance or all the punch in the face from the writers to Hans and Hans’ fans (that seem both to be hated by them for some reason? Even if we are part of Frozen fandom too?). Of course, I can’t totally enjoy it because of that, because it feels that there is something “missing”, because it really feels that we, Hans’ fans, are being made fun off by wanting him being redeemed. Disappointed, but not surprised, actually.

BUT you know what? I accepted it. I can deal with it. I can find all the Hans and Helsa content I want here, so even if I am genuinely sad that Hans doesn’t appear in the movie, I thought that I might be able to like the movie like everyone else. I was not waiting for it regarding all the spoilers I read, but after reading a lot of positive comments, even from other disappointed Hans’ fans, I changed my mind.

Believe it or not, I am not a hater, I wanted to like this movie. I wanted so badly to like this movie, I swear. But I didn’t, not only the end, but from the beginning to the end. I dislike it to a point I envy people who liked it because I felt so bad during the entire movie when I wanted to like it like the first one.

Long story short, I didn’t like Frozen I neither the first time I watched it. The only thing I liked was Hans, because he was handsome and a ginger (true story). I thought him turning a villain was stupid and terribly written. But after that, I was still thinking about it. I re watched it, started to like Elsa, Anna, started to ship Hanna and finally Helsa. I even started to like Hans being the villain, because his back story with him bullying by all his brothers was really interesting. Shipping Helsa made sense and after six years I’m still in. Frozen is a beautiful movie with very likable characters in their own ways.

But I still think Frozen I is not amazingly written. It has a lot of flaws, but every movie has, so I didn’t make a big deal of it. I waited six years for Frozen II, which can probably explain why I don’t like it to that point. I spent six years discussing Frozen and realizing that the writers’ idea of it is totally different of mine is quite weird, even if its is not their fault. Disney owe Frozen, not the fans, they can do anything they want with it. I hope in the future I’ll start to like Frozen II like I did for Frozen I, seeing its quality. I am not a negative person and I don’t want to hate or roast anything.

But I can’t help but think that Frozen II has a pretty terrible writing and a lot, A LOT of flaws, plot holes and things that made me wonder if the writers even watched their own first movie. Even fans have different points of views, but really, I just don’t get what the movie was trying to say.

Still, I want to start with all the things I appreciate in it, because a lot of persons worked on this movie and sometimes did a pretty amazing job.

The songs are amazing. I want to put this one first because, as someone who don’t like Disney’s songs (even as a kid), me liking the songs is pretty rare. All the lyrics are beautiful, “Show Yourself” is now my favorite Disney song of all time and I’m going to listen to it over and over for the next six years. Unpopular opinion but I liked Kristoff's song too, being very kitschy, but I think that was the point. And Panic at the Disco’s “Into the unknown” is the best, really.

The movie is beautiful. Do I need to say anything more than that? I like the autumn theme of the all movie, with a lot of beautiful images. Frozen I was already really beautiful but, whoa, this one is amazing.

The new characters are enjoyable. Especially the lieutenant Destin Mattias (I had to google his name...). I regret they don’t have a lot of importance in this sequel because they had a lot of potential. Elsamaren shippers, you know what I mean.

Some scenes are really emotional. Elsa and Anna’s separation, Elsa being about to cry in “Show Yourself” when she sees her mother, Olaf’s die, Anna’s “The Next Right Thing” and everything about her in the end of the movie.

Anna being the amazing person she is. I am a Helsa shipper but did I ever say how much I love Anna? Anna who saves the day, as she always does, Anna being so strong and doing the right thing, Anna’s becoming queen (again I know it’s not a really popular opinion but I love Anna being queen and I would DIE to see her having powers too). She was a way more relatable character in the all movie than Elsa in my opinion, unfortunately. The only time I get a little emotional in the movie was for her, and even before, I always thought that Anna was the true heroine of all the Frozen franchise.

Elsa’s being super powerful. I have to say I didn’t like it, for a lot of reason I’ll discuss later, but I understand why a lot of persons like it. In six years, Elsa became a symbol, of what can be seen as a weakness could actually be your strength. In that sense, the fact that she is so powerful, so sure about herself, can be a fantastic message, especially for young audience, and having Elsa (or Anna) as role model seems really positive to me.

Kristoff’s positive masculinity. The line “My love is not fragile”, just that. You’re a cool guy, Kristoff, I like you. You deserve a happy marriage. That being said, I had to continue with what I didn’t like. I have to say first that I watched this movie only once, not in my mother tongue, and I didn’t watch Frozen I since a long time go. So it might containes mistakes or things I simply forgot. I am sorry for that. Again I don’t want to roast this movie, and I am really happy if you liked it, I wish I had too, I don’t like to be that negative but I have to take this out of my mind. (I’m not going to discuss Hans’ not being in the movie, as I said I accepted it)

I’ll start with “minor problems” really subjective and finish with my biggest issues about this movie.

Olaf was never funny to me. Unpopular opinion again, I don’t appreciate Olaf, I barely think him being a bit funny in the first movie, but in this one... I didn’t even smile once, except maybe with him explaining Frozen I’s Plot, but that was an easy one. His song is the only one I totally dislike and all his “I’ll understand when I grow up” well... I didn’t get it. When he admits he is angry at Elsa is the moment that made me him like him a little more. But, yeah, no, Olaf is not my cup of tea.

It’s the first time in my life I think animated characters are bad at acting. I am sorry but some lines where... like... I don’t know. The one I have in mind is especially when Kristoff is trying to propose once again and talks about “being crazy” and Anna responds with “Do you think I’m crazy??” with crazy eyes like... she NEVER acts like that! It seems like the animators wanted so badly to show how many facial expression the were capable of that they wrote those weird lines where the character changes their expression in a couple of seconds. The same goes with all the times the characters talk to themselves so the audience can understand what’s happening (ok it’s a kid’s movie but they’re not stupid...). Sometimes it made sense but sometimes it was just like a Korean drama, really (I love Korean drama but that’s not a compliment). I think it’s more a problem of writing, but sometimes it just made me feels that I was watching bad actors, that was so weird.

All the “water has memory” stuff. I am sorry but it doesn’t make sense, even a little. I know it’s a movie and I shouldn’t care, but the boat scene just killed me. Elsa has ICE powers, not WATER (I know ice is from water but if it’s the same, why is there a water spirit while Elsa is the fifth one?), so HOW DOES THAT WORK? HOW? EXPLAIN, MOVIE, PLEASE. Elsa can take water in everything (wind, earth, boat) and can create “memory” because it’s made of ice? Is that her special ability that nobody else has? But the water spirit also have a form of an horse so you can create things with water too? I don’t get it, not at all, sorry, I just don’t. It’s just lazy writing, in my opinion. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but that fact that it is used at EVERY single moment of the movie made me cringe, especially because of the next problem I have:

The characters understand everything too fast. All the “water has memory” bullshit is an easy way to allows that. The fact that the sisters immediately recognized their young father is a thing, but just by seeing a scarf they immediately understand that their mother is from here? Ok, why not. But Anna, just by seeing a sculpture of her grandfather trying to kill someone, she immediately understands that the dam was a trap???? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET THAT? It could have been BILLIONS of reasons to her grandfather to kill the chef of the tribute, like conquer their forest, stealing their stuff or whatever. How does she know that the dam was a trap when it could have been a real sign of peace but then their grandfather becoming a douche after that? Again, it’s so lazy writing. Just by the tribe explaining to her that the dam was bad for them, but Anna continue to believe her grandfather was good, before understanding by the statue he was not could have been ENOUGH. And again, HOW does she know that breaking the dam is going to solve everything? Because the tribe lives with the nature, so what’s again the tribe is against the nature, so the spirits are mad, so they blocked the forest, but still what does that have to do with the damn fifth spirit? I don’t get this movie.

Elsa’s earning spirit’s friendship by fighting them. This one really made me wondering if I was watching the same movie as everybody. The spirits seem to be positive figure, because they represent nature. They don’t want intruders, so they attacked the group... why did they suddenly started to like and help Elsa when all she does is fighting them? Because they understand that she is like them? Because she is too powerfull, they finally decide to help her? What made them change their mind? If the writers tried to do something like Moana, well... that was better done in Moana, because she failed when she tried to attack but succeed when she decides not to, because you can’t fight nature, that’s the message. Again, I don’t get what this movie is trying to do. (oh and I especially hate the scene with the water horse, just by jumping on a horse doesn’t mean it suddenly loves you being there...)

The fifth spirit. Do I need to say anything else? All the fifth spirit stuff didn’t make sense and was totally useless in a movie that could have worked without. Honeymaren saying to Elsa that she belongs to the forest was... like... you BARELY know her, how do you know that? It was like they needed to have a reason to make her stay in the forest and “be free”? When she could just have given the crown to Anna that deserves it and being free... with her family? (her REAL family she needs not her mother’s tribe...)

Elsa and Anna abandoning their kingdom for the second time in two movies. Ok you did it to save Arendelle but, still. And after that people still complain about Hans not being a good leader? Again, not a big deal, but my girls... don’t do that often please.

Elsa’s journey. That’s a big no no for me. Did the writers of this movie watched the first one? Because she just seemed like a totally different character to me. I understand she grew up, and I could have accept that she wanted to be free, that it was her journey. But, again, it was not brightly written. In like the five first minutes of the movie, we are introduced to Elsa hearing voices and... that’s it. She hears voice. If it was supposed to be symbolic or her wanting to go for an adventure instead of having a boring like in Arendelle, well, that was absolutely not necessary. Why didn’t they show her not enjoying her life? Like doing queen’s tasks she doesn’t enjoy, talking to people that continue to judge her for her powers, showing that Anna is naturally a better leader than her. It could have been very interesting that even being that powerful, she still has flaws, visible flaws. The only thing we see is her life with her family, but if the message of the movie was that the sisters have to learn how to live separately, again it wasn’t clear AT ALL. And thinking that the message of the first movie was that love from your family can save you, it’s a quite weird message for a sequel in my opinion.

At the end of the movie she is supposed to be free... free from what? By not accepting herself? While we see her being so confident about herself during the ENTIRE movie (yeah she “died” at one moment but it just made her realize that Anna is strong enough to help her to, which is totally different from accepting her own flaws). She finally found the place she belongs... again... a forest? Because her mother come from here? ??? I don’t get this movie.

And finally... my biggest problem... the HUGE issue I have with this movie. The only thing I just can’t ignore. The thing that made me cringe to HARD during the ENTIRE MOVIE.

Why is nobody discussing Elsa’s parents attitude during the first movie?

DID THE WRITERS WATCH THEIR OWN DAWN FIRST MOVIE??? DID THEY?

Don’t get me wrong, I do think Elsa’s parents loved her. I do think they thought they were doing the right things for her and their other daughter. I do think they had the best intentions. I do things parents with good intentions can f*ck up their kids so badly it will follow them forever (well, not forever in the case of Elsa, because she is perfectly fine now as if the first movie never existed... mental health, not a big issue).

BUT WHAT THEY DID TO HER WAS WRONG.

To be honest I would have LOVED if Elsa’s arc was about understand and finally forgive her parents about what they did to her. It would even have made sense with her grandfather being a douch, convincing his son that magic is dangerous. It’s normal that Elsa and Anna love their parents, I mean, just because your parents did something wrong doesn’t mean that you won’t love them anymore. But all the “Let it go” song was about not listening to her restrictive parents anymore!! They erase her from her beloved sister’s memory and caused her terrible anxious issue that was basically THE PLOT OF THE FIRST MOVIE.

Elsa’s parents f*cked up EVERYTHING and you can’t change my mind. The fact that this is NEVER, not A SINGLE TIME, discussed in the entire movie was unbearable for me. And worst, the fact that they are shown as heroes really disturbed me. Again, I would not mind if this was the consequence of an all “redemption” arc for them, by Elsa finally understand her parents, why they wanted to restrict her true self (the f*cking thing she is singing about in “Show Yourself” with her MOTHER, yeah movie, that makes totally sense), why they thought it was the right thing to do when it wasn’t. Iduna’s being the voice Elsa hears could have been her wanting her daughter’s forgiveness and encouraging her to be 100% herself after years saying her not to be. But no.

The worst for me was the boat scene. So Elsa’s parents are the true heroes of the story, for some reason, AND they died because they wanted to help Elsa ? I swear, when Elsa started to feel guilty of their death I wanted to leave the theater so bad. AGAIN, if she had discovered that after an all movie being mad at them for restraining her true self for so long, it would have made sense. It could have help her understand that they did love her too, that they did wrong but wanted to help her in the end. Elsa could have grown from the bitterness of the past, and her thinking that she is so powerful she could do everything could have been her way of emancipation from her parents, when she finally learns that she still needs her sister's help.

This is all I see with Frozen II: a lost opportunity. A lost opportunity to have a better journey for Elsa, than just... being powerful, always powerful, being saved by her sister again and becoming a god-like powerful after that. A lost opportunity to show that good parents can be wrong thinking they are doing what’s right for their children. A lost of opportunity to show a character who wants to break free, not from something not even explicitly shown in the movie, but from the regrets of the past that we can all understand (because it was IN THE FIRST DAMN MOVIE).

A lost opportunity of a good sequel. Maybe Frozen II is a good movie, I don’t know, but it’s a really weird sequel in my opinion. The story makes no sense, the characters have really strange evolution, and some message are questionable. Again, I am really happy for you if you like it, and I even envy you for that. Waiting six years for a movie you almost wanted to leave the theater at, that’s harsh. I thought I was only going to be disappointed at Hans’ missing, but with all the plot holes and the weirdness of the story, I’m not even sure it would have been better with him anyway. Maybe you did dodge a bullet here, Hans...

So... fandom team. Whenever you liked the movie or not, like me, please let’s create some cool content. That’s what fandoms are made for and made off. I don’t want to leave the Frozen fandom, because I still like a lot of things about it. I am just sad this sequel was not worth the patience for me. I hope I didn’t make any Frozen II fans feel bad because of this post. I just wanted to share my thoughts. It took me hours but I needed to.

Now all I can say is: disappointed, but not surprised.

#frozen #frozen 2 #frozen 2 spoilers #helsa #helsa fandom #iduna #frozen iduna #queen iduna #agnaar #frozen agnaar #king agnaar

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oskea93 · 4 years

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Keep it to Yourself (1)

Warning: Use of strong language.

Hey guys!

So, i’ve had the idea for this story in my head for some time now. I was debating on posting it since I have Think of You but I wanted to see how you guys like this story. It’s going to be different from Think of You, a bit more raw and unhinged. The first chapter is just a little tid-bit of what Bryant and Nikki’s relationship was like. How they met and their relationship before the decline will all be explained in future chapters. For some reason, this story seems easier to write than Think of You, so hopefully that’s a good thing! Please let me know if it’s a keeper and worth continuing. All your input means so much to me and keeps me writing :) Also, i’m sure there’s some mistakes and i’m sorry for those. I will try to go through and fix them at a later time.

If you would like to be tagged, please let me know. ENJOY!!

“Bryant-“ Pause. “Bryant, this is Doc.” Another pause. “Listen, I really need to speak with you. I know that it’s been a while since we last spoke and all but he really needs you.” Pause again. “I know you said you never wanted to speak or see him again, but he’s out here killing himself and the guys and I can’t stop him anymore. He needs someone out here that he truly cares about, and I know you still care about him as well. Well, at least I would hope you still care. We’re gonna be staying at this hotel for another night, please give me a call back at 555-9123.” Last pause. “I really need your help, Bryant.”

I listened to the message three more times after the first initial listen. Doc’s voice was laced with concern and worry over the bassist. Last I heard from Doc was that Nikki and the guys were doing great and were going to become the next big thing. He was right when he said they would become rich and famous, but he was far gone when he said they were alright. Sure, they started out sniffing the occasional lines of coke, but they each fell deeper into the well, choosing more potent substances. For Nikki, he was the type of person to take things to the extreme. He was passionate about music, he was passionate about his job, and he was passionate about his drugs.

Nikki’s love of drugs and alcohol began way before I ever met him. He would get high here and there but once the band really took off, his drug addiction took off with it. I was okay with it at first, only because I thought he was only sniffing cocaine. Once I found the needles, especially the needle that was still lodged in his arm while he laid passed out in the closet, I knew that his problem had turned dangerous and potentially lethal. I tried to be there for him but the drugs were making it hard. He was withdrawn, mean, and just plan nasty. Once he started using heroin, he was hardly ever home, and out of his mind when he was home. He would sleep from sun up to sun down, waking up when most people would be going to bed for the night. I tried my best to be there for him but he made it so damn difficult. He wanted me to be there at the clubs, the bars, or wherever he was going for the night. I really did try but I just couldn’t deal with the rock star lifestyle.

I guess you could say the last straw was the night I not only found our house full of people I didn’t know, doing God knows what in the living room, but also the night I found Nikki in bed with a random girl. They were in the middle of having sex when I walked in, the girl looking up at me and smiled. I guess she knew who I was because that smile stayed on her face the whole damn time. Nikki was so blitzed out of his mind that he didn’t even realize I was standing at the door. I was so hurt that I just shut the door behind me and walked back down the stairs. Unfortunately for the people in the living room, I took all of my anger out on them. I destroyed everything in my view. I tore pictures off the wall, smashed the TV set that Nikki spent a fortune on, and kicked every single person out of our house. I flipped the wooden coffee table over, sending the contents flying in the air and moved onto the next room. I guess Nikki finally snapped out of his drug haze since he came flying down the stairs, his leather pants hanging low on his naked frame.

I cursed him up and down, telling him of what I had seen earlier. He had tried to deny it at first but soon accepted that he was in deep shit. He cried and pleaded but that didn’t stop me from barging back into the bedroom and packing up my stuff.

I filed for divorce on March 28th, 1984.

Nikki of course didn’t show up to divorce hearing, deciding to let his lawyers handle everything. I didn’t want anything from him anyway. He earned his money and I wasn’t about to be that type of wife and try to take him to the cleaners. He had offered to give me the house but I refused. I didn’t want anything that belonged to him and I wanted to as far away from him as possible. I moved out of California and back to my home state of South Carolina. I ditched all of my friends, those of my own and those that I shared with Nikki. Every picture of Nikki and I was placed in a storage unit in California, along with my bridal gown and anything else that reminded me of him. At that time, the thought of him angered me and I guess the thought of me angered him. I had received a letter from him a couple months after I had moved. I don’t know how he got my new address but the letter held some of the most hateful words you could write to a person. He called me everything in the book in the letter, ending with the words, “FUCK YOU WHORE” in capital letters.

That was the last I had heard from Nikki. That was the last I had heard from anyone associated with Motley Crue, of course until today. The last time I had spoke with Doc was right before I left California. He tried to persuade me to stay with Nikki and “just work things out.” He took up for his bassist saying that he had a lapse of judgment. The only thing Doc didn’t realize was that Nikki already had several lapses of judgements during our four-year marriage. I had mentioned to Doc several times during my marriage about Nikki’s drug use. He would just blow me off and say that Nikki was living the “rockstar life.” He would tell me that drugs were a part of being a musician and that Nikki could control himself. I really should have recorded him when he said that…

“Doc called and left me a message today.”

My mom looked up from her notes, pulling her glasses down in the process. “And.” I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders. “He said that he needs my help with Nikki.” Her blue eyes drilled into my soul. My mother - Nikki Sixx hater from day one! She hated him and Nikki hated her. My mother was none-to-thrilled to find out that her only daughter was shacking up with a guy who was chasing his dream to become a musician. Nikki was bouncing from one odd job to the other before he formed Motley. A lot of times, I was the one supporting us, which upset my mother greatly. She would often tell Nikki that he needed to get his head out of his ass and get a real job. I guess you could say that’s one of the reasons why Nikki and my mother hated each other.

“You’re not gonna call him back are you?” My mom questioned. I stayed silent, stuffing another spoon full of cereal into my mouth. “Kathrine Bryant!” My mom yelled. “You can’t be serious right now.” I looked up at her and then drifted my eyes back to the food in front of me. “I thought you never wanted to speak to him again? What’s making you change your mind?” I shrugged my shoulder. “He sounded genially concerned.” My mom rolled her eyes. “Mom-“ I began. “It’s not like I’m going out there in person. I’m just gonna call and see what’s going on. It’s harmless, I promise.”

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mustafaalifics · 4 years

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The Lottery

Title: The Lottery

Summary: Mustafa Ali runs into an old friend after a Smackdown Live show

Archive Warnings: None

Smackdown Live was in Cleveland and we had seats right by the entrance ramp. It was the end of June and it was hot as hell, and I didn’t particularly care to be trapped in a crowd of screaming sweaty people. That, and watching a live wrestling show made me uncomfortable—angry, was more like it. It was a painful reminder of what my life could’ve been, my hopes and dreams that had been crushed by the weight of reality.

It was my daughter’s tenth birthday and she was a huge Charlotte Flair fan, so I could suck it up for one night to make my daughter happy. Besides, my mother paid a lot of money for these tickets so I figured I should stop pouting and just enjoy myself. As I was starting to get into the show, Mustafa Ali’s theme music hit. My insides tightened and twisted. I briefly forgot that he was on the Smackdown Live roster, which was I don’t know how I forgot. I could never forget him. I had never forgotten Adeel Alam.

I was originally from Chicago, and I grew up a huge wrestling fan. I trained and worked hard, and eventually got into the indie circuit. That’s where I met Adeel. His ring work was impressive, even back then. I loved watching him work, and one day he noticed me watching and started a conversation. That conversation lead to several more, and before we knew it we were the best of friends. We would perform then go pig out on burgers and greasy fries, or go back to my tiny apartment to watch DVD copies of Wrestlemania. Of course this was all in between work shitty jobs and taking college courses, just in case this wrestling thing didn’t work out.

“You know, we have a better chance of winning the state lottery than we do making it to WWE.” I said to him one day after a show.

Adeel just smiled at me. It was that bright, optimistic smile that was just contagious. “We’ll make eventually. We just have to keep trying.”

That was 11 years ago. Adeel had made it, he was living his best life—dream job, loving wife, beautiful children, fans that admired and adored him. I was happy for him, truly—he was a great guy who deserved every moment of this. I just couldn’t help but feel the tiniest sting of envy. I was a single parent working a desk job, making a decent wage but most of the time I was at my wit’s end. Bouts of depression and crippling anxiety left me wrecked, both mentally and physically. I worked out when I could. I wasn’t overweight but I definitely gained some weight since the last time he saw me.

I hadn’t seen him in 11 years, and the last time we saw each other was very awkward to say the least. I had made the decision to move to Cleveland with my mom to help take care of my sick grandparents. I tried working the indie circuit there but bookings were few and far between. I got pregnant by a guy a few months after moving to Cleveland and ended up dropping wrestling altogether. It sucked but hey, that’s life I guess. The night before I left Adeel and I went for one last pig out session and a movie. I always thought there was a little something between us, but neither of us acted on it. Whether it was out of fear of ruining our friendship or just plain being busy, nothing ever happened. So I was taken by surprised we ended up hooking up that night. The intimacy was amazing and the sex was great, but when morning came we both had no idea what to do or say, so I just said goodbye with a quick hug and kiss on his cheek. I never saw him again until that moment.

As he made his way to the ring I suddenly felt very self-conscious about my outfit and mentally scolded myself for wearing a tank top and yoga pants. I actually put on a tank top and fucking yoga pants as if I was lounging around my house. I immediately crossed my arms over my stomach and put my head down in attempt to not be noticed by him. It was too late, though. I heard people around me screaming and looked up to see Adeel directly in front of me. He had his light up mask on but I knew he was smiling. That man could smile with his eyes.

Neither of us said anything. He just waved at me then ran into the ring. He was even better in the ring that I remembered. He was amazing to watch, and I was flooded with so many fond memories. When it was all over and he won his match, he came back over. My heart beat wildly in my chest as he high fived my daughter then turned his attention to me. He leaned over the barrier and hugged me. I felt tingles roll up my spine as I hugged him back. The fans around me were screaming at the top of their lungs so he had to press his lips to me ear and whisper, “Meet me at the steakhouse down the street in two hours?” I nodded and he took off for the locker room.

I dropped off my daughter with my mom and met Adeel at the steakhouse. I made sure I changed my outfit and did something decent with my hair before I got there. I even threw on a little bit of makeup so I wouldn’t look a mom zombie—a mombie. I arrived a whole half an hour early, because my anxiety wouldn’t let me be normal. He arrived right on time, freshly showered and looking amazing. His hair was still wet and thrown into a bun at the top of his head, making me roll my eyes.

“You and your perfect hair.” I said with a scowl.

He grinned and ran a hand over his hair. “You’ve always been a hater.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Maybe just a little.”

Adeel laughed and pulled me into a hug. He felt warm and smelled so good. “You look great, Syd.”

“I don’t, but thanks.” I replied.

He pulled back and looked at me sternly. “You do. Now come on and let me buy you a steak.”

The restaurant was nice and not too crowded, which I was a huge relief. Then we were sat by a window, which made my anxiety flair up again. I tried to keep my face neutral, but I realized I was failing miserably when Adeel called me out. “Are you okay, Syd?”

“Yeah, I’m totally fine.” I replied with the best smile I could muster. I opened the menu and looked down, hoping to hide my face.

“No you’re not. You look….are you uncomfortable?” He asked incredulously.

“No, no, it’s not not that!” I struggled to find an explanation, but ultimately my brain failed me and I just confessed. “Yeah, I am—but its not you! It’s other people. I—I—don’t want anyone taking pictures of us together and posting them on the internet. You know how people like to gossip and spread rumors. I know you’re married and have kids and I just don’t want to cause you any trouble.”

Adeel stared at me for a second, then burst out laughing. “I’m not that famous, Syd! Trust me, the paparazzi aren’t chasing me down for my picture!”

I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks as my face turned red. I felt like an idiot. “I’m sorry. I feel so stupid…”

He reached over and grabbed my hand. “Hey, don’t feel stupid. I get it, it’s a perfectly understandable fear. Thank you for considering my reputation. And don’t worry, my wife knows I’m here with you. I told her everything.”

“Everything?” I asked. I didn’t exactly mean to say it, but I kind of felt it would be better addressed early on and release some of the pressure in my head.

He withdrew his hand from mine and folded his hands on the table in front of him. “You mean did I tell her that you and I had sex over a decade ago? No, I didn’t. I don’t think it matters at this point in our lives.”

My heart dropped a little at hearing him say that, but I plastered on a fake smile. “You’re right, it was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. We had fun and we moved on.”

“Sydney—”

“Can we get some wine? I think we need some wine—or a beer?”

For a moment it looked as if he wanted to say something, but ultimately he just smiled and nodded. “Yeah, beer sounds great.”

We spend the next hour and a half eating and talking like we used to. We talked about old friends, wrestling, and our families. He talked about his life with so much joy and pride. He practically glowed as he talked about becoming a husband, becoming a cop, a father and ultimately a WWE Superstar. He was so enthusiastic as he told stories about the things he experienced and the people he encountered. I was genuinely happy for him, and proud of the man he had become. I could listen to him talk forever, but he stopped and stared at me.

“Holy shit, I just realized I’ve been talking about myself this whole time.” He said, looking guilty.

“Oh no—please continue. Your life has been way more interesting than mine. I’m living vicariously through you.” I laughed, and he looked sad. “Don’t give me that look, Adeel. I’m fine. I know I’m not living my dream but I’m okay.”

“I know. You’re tough, Syd. I just always pictured us doing this together, that’s all.”

“You feel like you left me behind?” I asked. He nodded. “Don’t. Yeah, life sucks at times and I’m still a little bitter about what could have been, but I have a decent job and a happy and healthy daughter. I’ll get over myself eventually.” This time I reached over and grabbed his hand. “I’m just happy that one of us got to win the lottery. I’m happy of you, I’m proud of you, and you deserve this. Keep showing the world that heart.”

He gave my hand a squeeze. “Thanks, Syd.”

I smiled, then sighed. “Look, I hate to eat and run but I need to go home. I’ve got to work in the morning.”

“Yeah, me too. My flight is pretty early tomorrow.” Adeel said. “Can I walk you to your car?”

He paid and we made that short trip to the car in silence. We didn’t need to talk. We both knew what was about to happen. There would be no empty promises about keeping in touch, no half-ass attempts at getting together for dinner. Our lives were way too different and too busy for that. We had our moment in the sun and now it was over, our ships had finally passed. Only this time there was no awkward hug and no weird kiss on the cheek. Our hug was long and meaningful, and when we pulled back he kissed me on my forehead.

“That night did mean something, Syd. It was special.”

“Yeah, for me too.”

We exchanged one last smile before I got into my car. “Take care of yourself, Syd.”

“You too, Prince Mustafa Ali.”

I could hear him laughing a little as I drove off. He watched me until I was out of his sight, which he always did. I cried a little as I made my way home, but they were happy tears. I knew I most likely would never see my old friend again, but at least this time we got to say a proper goodbye.

#mustafa ali #mustafa ali wwe #ali wwe #wwe #fanfiction #mustafa ali fanfiction

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today-only-happens-once · 5 years

Text

With Great Power - Chapter 8

Title: With Great Power - Chapter 8

Word Count: 3474

Fic Summary: Thomas Sanders is just a regular social media personality. But when he gets bit by a spider during filming one of his YouTube videos, his whole life is about to turn upside down—whether he (or the aspects of his personality) want it to or not. Platonic LAMP/CALM + Character!Thomas. Spider-Man AU.

Catch up or Read on AO3 here!

Chapter Warnings: arguing, science that isn’t real science, arguing, violence/robbery/hostages mention, a couple of OCs make an appearance this chapter, let me know if I forgot anything.

A/N: It’s been a minute on this fic. Sorry for the delay! Always a joy to work on this fic, but real life was pretty busy for a while there. Special thanks to @creativenostalgiastuff for helping me out so much with this chapter. The science of this chapter is based in the lab notebook page we get a glimpse of in Spider-Man: Homecoming for Web Fluid 3.0. I found a picture of it online and used that as my baseline for the science of their development of this formula. I am not a chemical engineer. If you are, I beg for suspension of disbelief. Also.... please let me know what ya think! We’re starting to get more and more into character stuff, and I’m always interested in knowing how it’s coming across. ^u^ Love you all.

Three days later, Thomas makes his way down the hallway of the third level of the engineering building of his old college.

It had been a little odd being on campus so long after graduation. So much had changed from when he’d thought he’d be a chemical engineer; he’d gotten famous on Vine. He’d started YouTube as a full-time gig. He hadn’t done any chemical engineering work since his first job out of college, and he’d only done that for a few years. Thomas remembered the late coffee-fueled nights of studying in the library, the stupid adventures with friends for donuts at midnight, the tears shared over failed tests and where their lives would be going …

So much had changed for Thomas in the years since his graduation. The campus, however, seemed to be exactly the same except for a few updates to the old brick buildings he’d spent four years walking past.

Thomas approaches the lab down the hall and can hear music floating from under the wooden door. He’d sent the email to his old engineering professor, Dr. Washington, the same night that the Sides had given him the idea for the suit and webshooters. She’d responded the next morning, telling Thomas that she’d be doing research work with her lab assistant most of Wednesday and to drop by whenever he was free. Thomas spent most of the day in-between working with Logan to come up with some ideas for the formula, however incomplete it clearly was. At least he would have notes to give Dr. Washington as a starting place.

As Thomas raps a knuckle against the door, he can make out the suddenly familiar song. “And they’re gonna see what stop the presses really means! And the old will weep and go back to sleep—”

Thomas opens the door, smiling. “You’re listening to Newsies, Dr. Washington?”

The lab is relatively spacious; black tables are filled with various vials, beakers, and equipment that takes Thomas back to his own lab assistant days. The tiled linoleum floor reflects the fluorescent lights above. On the other side of the room, Thomas sees Dr. Washington—in a lab coat and goggles—look up at the sounds of his entry. Beside her is a man with blonde hair and glasses with something like a laser pointer attached, who looks a few years younger than Thomas, seated in an electric wheelchair.

She grins, sliding the goggles up over her cropped hair. “I told Andrew he could choose the music today.” She nods to the man beside her. “As long as it wasn’t Les Mis.”

Thomas laughs at the affronted look on Andrew’s face. He looks at a board attached to his wheelchair, and Dr. Washington leans over, reading. “I S-T-- still don’t know what you H-A-- have against L-E-S Les Mis.” She quirks an eyebrow at him. “Nothing, the first eighteen times we listened to it.”

Thomas smiles. “Only eighteen? Then you’re fine. When you get into like, the thirties is when you maybe consider listening to a different musical.”

Dr. Washington points a finger at him. “Don’t encourage him, Thomas. Having one thespian in my midst is enough. I feel outnumbered now.” Andrew looks at the board again and she leans over to read. “I like him. He G-E-- gets it.” Dr. Washington rolls her eyes. “Of course you do.”

Andrew and Thomas grin at each other.

Dr. Washington screws the lid onto a petri dish and scribbles something on it. She sets it aside. “I can’t win.” She pulls her gloves off and tosses them into the wastebasket underneath the lab table. “So what brings you in, Thomas? Your email was pretty vague.”

“Right. Well…” The internet personality swings his backpack around from his shoulder and unzips it, digging through it for his notebook. “I have a question about a hypothetical formula.”

“H-Y-P-- hypothetical?”

Thomas pulls the notebook out, flipping through it for the pages he’d been working on with Logan. “I—yeah. I was wondering if I combined salicylic acid, methanol, carbon tetrachloride, touline, H-heptane…” Thomas trails off as he flips through the pages before finding the one with the partial formula he’d been working on, stepping up to the other side of the lab table and setting the notebook open in front of them.

It’s a long moment as Thomas watches both them glance over his notes. Andrew furrows his brows in thought as Dr. Washington flips the single page back and forth. She looks up at Thomas.

Thomas jumps in before she can say anything. “It’s incomplete. I know it is. I’m just not sure what’s missing.”

“Well,” she says, tilting her head slightly as her dark eyes flit over the page, “that depends on what you’re trying to get this substance to do.”

Thomas rubs the back of his neck as he walks around the table to stand on the other side of Andrew. “I was wondering if it’s possible to create a flexible but strong adhesive… thing.”

Andrew’s looking at him with curiosity. Thomas glances down as Andrew uses the communication board, reading his question aloud. “Like a G-L-- glue?” Thomas sighs. “Not exactly. I… was hoping for something a lot stronger and more flexible than glue.”

Dr. Washington hums, tapping a pencil to her mouth. Her brows are furrowed in thought. “I may have an idea. But you’d need to add carbon tetrachloride and ethyl acetate to the list you’ve got here.”

Thomas nods, scribbling that under the list of other chemicals, not picking up his pencil as Andrew adds on.

“S-O-D-I-- sodium T-E-T-R-A-B-- tetraborate could work as an A-C-T-I-V-activator.”

Dr. Washington and Andrew spend the next ten minutes bouncing ideas off each other. Thomas scribbles down as many notes as he can. Dr. Washington starts bustling around the lab, grabbing chemicals and starting equipment up as she goes. Thomas studies the new list and equations they’ve developed, and he can feel Logan’s presence at the forefront of his mind like a comforting weight.

Add CC14, K3Co5 and C7H6O3 after you’ve boiled it, Logan tells him suddenly. It’ll help the consistency prior to adding the sodium tetraborate.

Thomas jots that down.

The three of them make themselves busy. Thomas grabs a lab coat and pair of safety goggles from the cabinet near the door. Dr. Washington hands Andrew an iPad, and he pulls up a software that Thomas isn’t familiar with and inputs a series of chemical equations. Dr. Washington swirls a clear liquid in a flask as she crosses the lab.

The hours pass by in a flurry of scientific trial and error. Andrew runs simulations on the iPad before they adjust the formula each time fails—something that Thomas is especially grateful for when the simulation for one particular change involves a small explosion. It hardly absolves them of error, every slight change resulting in something different. In some ways, it serves to remind Thomas one thing he loved about chemistry: it had always been precise and measured. One small change could lead to a very different reaction.

Even when Thomas can feel his frustration rising, Dr. Washington and Andrew make him laugh. Andrew’s nerdiness rivals Thomas’s own, and Dr. Washington’s sarcasm seems to have continued in the years since Thomas had her for class. While they waited for the current fluid to boil, he and Andrew swapped opinions about Kingdom Hearts 3 and Marvel (with a healthy debate about Captain America’s arc in Endgame) and musicals.

“It’s a shame that Dr. Washington is a musical hater,” Thomas teases, being sure to speak loud enough that it was obvious he wanted the professor in question to hear.

Andrew shakes his head, tapping a few things on the iPad in his lap. Through the speakers in the lab, Thomas hears a familiar song that’s a quick change from the music of The Prom that they’d been listening to a moment ago. It’s Hairspray. Specifically, “Run and Tell That”.

Dr. Washington’s eyes flicker up across the room to the two of them. “Andrew, I will forever regret telling you that.”

Thomas raises his eyebrows. “Tell you what?” Andrew has an amused glint in his eyes as he meets Thomas’s gaze, then looks to his board. Thomas leans over. “She told me she was M-A-Y-- Maybelle in a C-O-M-M-- community theatre P-R-- production.” Thomas looks at his old professor. “Wait… really?”

Dr. Washington shoots a mock glare at Andrew. “Traitor.”

Andrew laughs before Thomas reads his reply aloud. “If any of us are a T-- traitor, it’s you. You hate L-E-S Les Mis.”

Dr. Washington pulls the pencil out from behind her ear and points it at him. “Of all the musicals we can agree on, Andrew, you’re going to get hung up on one that I just happen to think is overrated?” Andrew shakes his head sadly. Dr. Washington snorts.

“That’s amazing,” Thomas replies. “I never knew you did theatre.”

Dr. Washington opens her mouth to reply, but sharp ding cuts off her response. The timer signals the need to add the activator and start the de-gassing process. It’s a sudden, sharp reminder of what he’s here to do.

…

Thomas blows out a breath as he spins the office chair in a lazy circle. It’s nearly 7 in the evening, and Dr. Washington had gone with Andrew to pick up some dinner for the three of them. Thomas had offered to stay behind and watch their current attempt slowly heat in the flask. The internet personality had written in his notebook that this was trial fifteen.

The empty lab is suddenly quiet, too. Andrew had given Thomas the iPad to play music, but he hadn’t selected anything. Instead, Thomas listens to the quiet gurgling of the fluid in the flask on the table in front of him, the whirring of the AC unit, and a distant, muffled voice of a professor giving a lecture in a nearby room. Not for the first time today, it takes Thomas back to his own time as a student and lab assistant. It felt like such a long time ago.

He’d always been interested in the environment and helping the world on such a big scale. Throughout high school, Thomas used to read articles about scientists engineering new biotechnology that could help slow deforestation, or developing alternative substances to harmful pesticides, or creating more environmentally-friendly methods of gas consumption. He’d always found it interesting, and though he was generally a pretty average student, he’d done well in chemistry.

He remembers talking to his Aunt Patty before he chose a major, during his senior year of high school. She was an elementary school librarian, and she’d been doing that for as long as Thomas could remember. When he asked her how she knew what she wanted to do, she told him to find where his passion intersected with his ability and to pursue it.

But it hadn’t always been that simple, either. Thomas was as passionate about performing as he was about the environment at the time. There was greater job security in an engineering job than trying to make it as an actor, so Thomas had chosen chemical engineering and decided that he could keep performing as a hobby. It had seemed like the most practical solution at the time.

But then he was introduced to Vine, and what started as goofing around on a social media app quickly turned his life around. In a few years, Thomas decided to make performing and social media his full-time job once he realized he could actually make a living out of it. It had fixed the practicality issue, and his fans were so incredibly kind. He realized that, maybe, he could make a positive difference in the world this way, too.

Thomas sighs, standing up to stretch.

Making a positive difference in the world was really his biggest hope with anything he did. It was true when he was a chemical engineer, and it was true now.

Now.

The thought stops Thomas short suddenly. The video he’d watched the other day flickers through his mind again. The card. The entire reason he was here in the first place was to help others, right? But he thinks again about the video—the footage, the threat—and feels something uneasy settle in his stomach.

“We’re in way over our head, Thomas.”

Thomas jumps slightly. “What?” He’d been so lost in his roaming thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed that Virgil had risen up by one of the tables to Thomas’s left, in his familiar hoodie and a black shirt underneath. “What do you mean?”

Virgil shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, scowling. “I mean this isn’t our fight. Not really.”

Thomas blinks, taken aback. “I—”

“Look, Ekko made a threatening video but there are people in place to protect everyone. Police. Military, if it comes to that.” Virgil shakes his head, looking away from Thomas. “You just got these powers a few weeks ago. You can’t even control your sticking ability. And you really think you can just… take on this kind of fight?”

Thomas holds up a hand, his brow furrowing. “Virge… where is this coming from?”

“Common sense,” Virgil snaps. “Apparently, I’m the only one who has any of it.”

Thomas opens his mouth, then closes it. He doesn’t know what to say. Maybe Virgil has a point. They don’t even really know what Ekko is capable of, or where to find her, or what she’s planning. Meanwhile, Thomas can’t even fully control his own abilities. He’d been getting better, sure, but it wasn’t enough. Not yet. Maybe not in time.

And there were people in place to help protect others. Thomas was just one guy.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts at the sound of another one of his Sides rising up. Patton appears on the other side of the table, his arms crossed over his chest and a vaguely disapproving look in his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, Thomas thinks he sees Virgil roll his eyes.

“Kiddo,” Patton says to Virgil carefully, even as he casts a quick glance at Thomas, “you’re coming across kinda harsh there.”

“But I’m right,” Virgil replies insistently. He huffs a frustrated sigh. “Listen, all Thomas is doing is putting himself in harm’s way when he doesn’t even need to. Why not leave this up to the authorities?”

Patton’s expression softens slightly. “Because Thomas has the ability to do something. He should use it.”

“Why? Just because someone can doesn’t always mean that someone should, Patton.”

It’s another good point. Thomas still doesn’t quite understand why Virgil was coming forward with these arguments now as opposed to earlier, but he supposes it doesn’t much matter. Maybe because Virgil felt that the web shooter formula made the whole thing feel a lot more real and sudden. Thomas certainly felt that way. Maybe that feeling was stemming from Virgil.

“It does if it means doing a good thing,” Patton insists.

Virgil seems to bristle slightly. “If a cat is stuck in a tree and you don’t know how to climb a tree, what do you do? You call the fire department. You don’t risk hurting yourself in an effort to get the cat yourself when you aren’t qualified to do it.”

“But Thomas can climb a tree.”

“It’s a metaphor.”

“I know, but even in the metaphor. Thomas has abilities, Virge.”

“So that makes him qualified to get involved?” Virgil stops for a moment and takes a deep breath. Some of the edge is gone from his voice when he speaks again, but the underlying frustration hasn’t left. “Thomas is in over his head. And I don’t want him to get hurt tackling a fight that isn’t his in the first place. Sometimes you have to pick your battles, Patton. Why does Thomas have to choose this one?”

The question is met with silence.

Thomas slips his hands into the pockets of his jeans and glances down at the linoleum floor between his feet. He studies the specks of blue amidst the white as if it will distract him from the tension in the room. The web fluid gurgling in the flask on the table between the three of them is the only sound for a long, uncomfortable moment. Virgil’s question seems to echo in Thomas’s head.

When Thomas finally glances up, Patton is looking at Virgil with something soft in his eyes. “Because it’s the one given to us. Maybe we don’t get to pick the battles, kiddo. Maybe… we lost that luxury when Thomas got these powers.”

“That’s not fair.”

Patton sighs. “It’s not. But with great power, comes great responsibility.”

Thomas swallows and nods. He speaks quietly, despite the weight he can feel settling in his chest. “And it’s my responsibility to do what I can to help. I… have to at least try.” He glances up at Virgil. “I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t give it that much.”

Thomas can see the tightness in Virgil’s jaw; something he can’t place flashes quickly through his eyes. “It’s not just Thomas at stake, you know. If he gets involved, he puts everyone he loves at risk. None of us want that.”

The reminder squeezes something in Thomas’s chest. “That’s why we’re making the suit, Virgil. To protect me and my loved ones.”

Even as he says it, though, he realizes Virgil’s point. The suit would only do so much. He looks around in the lab and realizes suddenly that he was putting Dr. Washington and Andrew at risk by involving them like he had. He’d almost asked Dahlia about advice on his suit construction and no matter how vague he’d been planning to keep it, it was still involving her. It was still putting her at risk, putting everyone at risk.

He had to stop. Nobody could know his identity, but nobody could be involved in this fight, either. Not unless Thomas was willing to risk his friends’ lives, and that… that wasn’t a price Thomas would ever be willing to pay.

“This… is my fight,” Thomas says, his voice tight. Patton and Virgil both look over at him. “But it’s mine alone. After today, nobody else gets involved. I can’t…” Thomas thinks about the look of raw fear in the hostages’ eyes during the bank robbery and the tearful, desperate reunion between Mikey and his mother. “I can’t take that risk.”

He sees Virgil opens his mouth but he’s cut off by the ding of the timer beside Thomas. The host blinks a second, forgetting for a brief moment what the timer had been set for in the first place. Then his gaze focuses on the flask in front of him. Right, Thomas remembers suddenly. Web fluid.

The timer meant that he needed to take it off the heat. Cool it down—which would occur quickly—filter and wash with C12H8O2, then add silica gel to purify the substance and… theoretically, it would be complete.

The rest of the process would take about five minutes. And then, well… Thomas could leave. He could keep Andrew and Dr. Washington from knowing the final product and maybe that would help protect them. When Thomas looks up again from the flask, Virgil and Patton have both left.

Thomas stands alone in the lab and keeps himself busy for the next several minutes walking methodically through the rest of the process. He can’t help his quick glances at the clock and the door, silently pleading that Andrew and Dr. Washington are at least longer than five minutes away. Thomas works in silence, but he barely realizes it. He just wants to finish this and get out as fast as he can.

He adds the silica gel and stirs it quickly with a glass rod. He can’t help the bubble of disbelieving laughter that bubbles in his chest as he watches the fluid react to the purifying process and oxidation, attaching to the glass rod as he pulls it out. The substance forms a cloudy-colored web of adhesion. It stays attached as Thomas tries to pull the glass rod out. It’s strong. So strong, in fact, that Thomas can’t pull it out.

Thomas grabs the other flask of the same substance that they’d had on stand-by (in case Thomas had been wrong about the filter liquid or the silica gel), and pours it into a vial with a stopper. He stashes some silica gel and C12H8O2 in separate vials. He shoves them into the outside pocket of his backpack before quickly shedding his lab coat.

Before he races out of the lab, he leaves a note and enough change to cover the dinner he wouldn’t be eating.

Had to rush out. Thanks for the help. -Thomas

...

WGP Tags: @captain-loki-xavier, @human-dictionary @the-peculiar-bi-tch @mining-pup @band-be-boss-blog @asexual-trashbag @samathekittycat @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @theobsessor1 @always3charcoaltea @changeling-ash @logical-princey @crimsonshadow323 @flickering-raven @smokeyrutilequartz @dontbugmeimantisocial @liz-a-bell @black-king-white-knight @soijusthavetoask @analogical-mess @marvelfangeek09 @dolphidragon @thelowlysatsuma @approximately12lbs-of-ducks, @princelogical

#sanders sides #sanders sides au #sanders sides fanfiction #platonic lamp/calm #spider-man au #with great power #tw arguing

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taezhu · 5 years

Text

oceanid!taeyong

soft, cute boy that sits by the sea every day

he notices you on the third time you’ve been to the beach and decides to approach you

because, he thinks he can use your apparent love for the ocean to talk to you

he sits beside you on the sand and smiles softly

quite soon forgetting every single word he knows

so he ends up staring at you for a few moments before finally asking you what you like about the ocean

he ends up in an awkward position when you tell him you actually hate it, you just like coming here because it’s calm

and yeah, he’s a little disrespected because that’s his element!

but you explain that you’re kind of afraid of the sea creatures and everything in there and he tries to understand

tries being a key word because it doesn’t work really well

because he understands why you’d hate some of those weird creatures that ten put in the ocean

I mean... what was the idea behind jellyfish?

angry little creatures who attack him for no reason...

he supposes that ten was angry that day

but then he starts to think of all the nice creatures and he is like ???

“but some are nice, have you seen starfish? dolphins? seahorses? there’s so many”

“I can take you to this place where there’s lots of them! crabs too”

taeyong is a little disappointed when you turn him down

and that you walk to the other side of the beach the next day to avoid him

but when he talks to jungwoo he realises it’s because he was a bit weird to approach you like that

so taeyong tries again

starting by making sure the tide stays out a little longer so you get more chance to sit there

and he waits until there’s a lot of other people around before next approaching you to talk

“sorry about last time. I don’t talk to a lot of people and i... I’m taeyong”

“I see you here every day and I always end up wondering why you come here”

“especially if you don’t really like the ocean, I guess”

taeyong finds out you're here because you can take your mind of other stuff

and taeyong is innocent at first

he doesn’t have the real world like you do, he’s a nymph, he watches over the water and that’s it

so when you start explaining that you got fired from your job

that you’re having problems with everyone you know

taeyong takes a while to fully understand why you’d need an escape

but it does click, and he realises that he should try to help you too

so he waits until the next day and makes you some lunch. he makes sure it’s vegetarian, just in case you won’t like it

and you both end up having lunch on the rocks

“this is where I said that the starfish were. do you want me to find you one?”

he found you one

it's a pretty deep blue with dots in the middle and you’re sure that he must have been very lucky to just pull one of those out

but taeyong is basically in charge of these creatures, so he knows what he’s doing and how to call them

taeyong has an army of fish on the off chance you’d want to see one around

anyway, he’s so delicate with anything related to the sea

you notice when he sees a crab running from a seagull and places it in the rockpool nearby

also when one day he would sit with some kids teaching them about the wildlife and what they can find around the beach

you figure he must be the owner of the land, passed down to him from his parents

because he comes out of the most beautiful white cottage just on the hillside from the coast

nothing big, but it’s definitely a house worth more than money

he invites you back there one day thinking you’ll say no since he doesn’t expect you to do anything else

taeyong may be one of the older nymphs, but he had spent so much time at sea that he never saw humans

he only knew doyoung and jungwoo, like they were anything to go off of

so taeyong is a little quiet, a little naive and very sensitive

he’s overjoyed when you agree to go back to his for some food

and he promises that he doesn’t mean to keep you there showing you all the things he’s collected over the years

he has so many artefacts, crystals, items from shipwrecks, all over

he even has things that you’re sure are meant to have been lost forever, like this jade bracelet

a necklace which is more beautiful than anything you’ve seen before

there’s so much there that it’s almost 11pm that he finally stops talking and realises that day has turned to night

“no no, please don’t go home in the dark. we’re in the middle of no where and something might happen to you”

“if you need to go then I can walk with you until you’re near some other people?”

“then if you don’t want me to walk you, will you stay here tonight? I'll sleep on the couch”

taeyong doesn’t have a TV

he doesn’t even have electricity actually, you notice

everything is lit by candles and a pretty oil lamp in the corner of the room

it’s dangerous, but taeyong assures you that his place is safer than the average place

and you trust him on that, for whatever reason it is at the time

but because he has nothing inherently ‘modern’ you both have to talk

and taeyong is so interesting

he thinks the exact same of you

he starts telling you about his affiliation to the ocean and eventually goes into his past stories

missing out the part where he tells you he’s a nymph, but that comes

you end up telling him your story, how you ended up where you are

and taeyong wants to help you out

because he knows when people don’t deserve what they’re given and you seem to be in that situation

so he does end up haechan’s back about helping you out possibly in the future

but for the time being, he listens to every word you have to say and takes it all in

and when you’re both sitting on the porch of the cottage staring up to the stars he starts to tell you about the sky deities

and you’re a bit confused as to what he’s talking about but he starts to tell you about what you believed to be mythology

about Jupiter, Juno and Nox, and some other gods you’d never even heard of like luna and aurora

that they all control the skies

and then he gets into the water deities and you start realising that damn

this guy literally knows everything

so you ask him why he knows all of this and he tells you

“well, I am an oceanid so I have to know. if I don’t they’ll all get pretty mad”

“an oceanid is an ocean nymph.. didn’t you learn that at all?”

you have to explain the entire concept of every one basically not knowing anything about this and you all thinking about it as mythology

but taeyong tells you everything like a story and somewhere through it you end up falling asleep

and taeyong will be unsure of what to do at first, but eventually carry you to his bed and leave you to sleep in there that night

which is cute and all, until you wake up and have a momentary panic that you’ve been kidnapped

but taeyong greets you with a wide smile and a glass of orange juice, tell you that he has something to show you

it’s about then you realise that nothing you remembered was just a dream

which is reinforced by taeyong taking you to the edge of the hill (which is basically a cliff into the sea)

and pointing over into the distance to show you a pod of dolphins swimming in the distance

“see, it’s not all that bad right! they’re cute!”

and somehow taeyong, to show off, even gets a whale involved somehow

but that’s how he makes you less afraid of the ocean and less afraid of him

because although your life starts to get back on track a few days after that

you still make time to see taeyong and spend some time with him by the sea

and look up to the stars and listen to him tell you stories from the past that you thought were just stories

maybe you’ll both sleep in the same bed this time though

no, you will, because taeyong realises he has pretty strong feelings for the ocean hater after all

and he doesn't ask for haechan to help him with getting you to like him back either

he does that all by himself ~

#taeyong scenarios #taeyong reaction #taeyong smut #taeyong scenario #nct scenarios #nct reaction #nct smut #nct reactions #nct scenario #nct #taeyong

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