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schwarzkatje · 20 days

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dark!orphan!ellie x nun!reader

disclaimer: i don't ever write notes but this smells like too much blasphemy not to put some warnings and disclaimers. so, this contains ellie being still in an orphanage BUT i obviously changed the age so that she is of age because it goes without saying that p*dophilia is not contemplated here. also, "sister" is used as a synonym for "nun", not with the meaning of "family member". lastly, it does contain smut even though it's not so detailed.

> for part 2 click here || for part 3 click here

ellie didn't wake up one day choosing to be mean. in fact, if you ever asked her why the rude behaviour, she would simply laugh it off and tell you to shut the fuck up with a bitterness so unlikely for such a young girl.

ellie thought it was her god given right to do whatever she wanted, having being already stripped enough of the pillars of her life, namely a happy family and a place her heart could call home. that resulted in her receiving reprimands and punishments from the nuns more than any other kid in the orphanage.

and you, the youngest of the nuns tasked with the upbringing of the kids and the newest addition to the orphanage, seeing how ellie behaved, decided it was the perfect opportunity to enact the knowledge you had acquired during your noviciate by devouring books about dysfunctional behaviour, specifically in orphans. you were positive people could change if showed how.

what you would invoke the lord's name for to swear was your entire and firmly believed doctrine, came to a brutal halt the very moment you came to the realisation of what ellie's bad reputation really was about.

it wasn't just a typical scenographic display of childish behaviours like refusing to attend class or the occasional smuggling of cigarettes that concurred to tear apart your good intentions. these were merely common patterns studied throughout the years by psychologists and educators, and the main topics in all of your books.

no, what made you falter was the fact that ellie seemed to relish being mean. if others acting the same way sported an inconsolable sorrow in their eyes, ellie's green ones would glow with the eagerness that came with the raising of the voices of the nuns, the laughable detentions and the yet unexplored range of just how far was too far.

it didn't help that ellie had learnt from the older kids all the gross vocabulary she has now assimilated, repeating the filthy words as a sort of statement to maintain the hierarchical status she has fought for and ultimately achieved among the majority of the orphans.

so it caught you off guard only the first time ellie fiercely exclaimed that "if you care so much about me maybe you should suck my dick tonight," as you apprehended over time that this wasn't and wouldn't have been an isolated incident, rather an infuriating routine that seemed only to increase the more you showed ellie how much it pissed you off.

of course, that time your cheeks were burning red and your brain was at war with the mortification of having received such a vulgarity in front of other pupils, alongside the humiliation that ticked with each second you spent silent, at a loss for words to properly tackle the problem at hand.

the best thing you managed to come up with was the most generic and fruitless "go out," pointing at the class door.

before ellie could walk through the door, she turned to you, smirking like you had just made her day, and slurring a sultry "don't get so wet when you scold me," after which she left, winking at you.

your hands were tied. you understood that you could inform the other sisters of what ellie was making you go through, but you understood just as well that it would be no to avail since the other nuns were there way before you and knew to a greater extent the amount of work needed to be implemented when dealing with ellie.

after the heat of the moment had died down, you gathered all of your strength, prayed hoping to receive some mercy, and recited like a mantra that you were the bigger person and couldn't possibly let your purpose go to waste.

the fact was that you realised too late that the presence of what you called the devil had certainly been lurking around and now manifested itself in the obscene form of ellie fucking two of her fingers inside of you from behind in the scriptorium, something that dealt the final blow to any hope of creating the optimal conditions to demonstrate the good of your heart.

ellie and her breath, together with her hands, were four fiends cooperating under the same objectives, being disrupting you, disrupting everything you represented and disrupting everything you stood for.

"no one has ever made you feel so good," ellie was insane herself for needing to hear you say it "otherwise, you wouldn't be needing to play the part of the perfect little sister who thinks she can fix everyone to compensate how empty she is," and no matter how desperately you tried and tried and cried out while doing so, your pussy was glistening with slick, feeling euphoric and on the brink of madness with how enticing the sensation and the blasphemous words that left ellie's mouth were. "you would be too cock drunk and stuffed with cum to care about anything else".

the ink and quill you were previously using laid on your desk where they shouldn't, spilling the black liquid and dirtying everything they touched. ellie could be compared to the two items, given how many times the sisters told her how harmful her tainting existence was. and maybe that was the reason her brain clicked and gave the command to her right hand to gather some of the ink and write "ellie's cum dump" on your ass.

as soon as your breathing quickened, ellie grabbed a fistful of your hair, yanked it throwing your head impossibly backwards and let you ride out the hardest orgasm of your life. the gesture wasn't just a display of dominance but it served as a lever to push you flat against the desk, treating you like a discarded toy.

"next time you come for me, expect me to fuck your ass. and it won't be with my fingers only"

#ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie x reader smut #ellie williams smut #ellie x y/n #ellie smut #ellie x you #the last of us smut #ellie williams x you #ellie the last of us #ellie williams #ellie tlou

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milliebobbyflay · 5 months

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Okay so I've spent a while thinking about how to word my actual problem with homestuck 2, and the works that make up post-canon homestuck more broadly. I think a lot of people resort to nitpicking bits of awkward writing or art in some attempt to pinpoint a source to an underlying sort of hollow uncanniness, which is funny because homestuck's supposed golden age of acts 1-5 are themselves FAR more of a tonally inconsistent mess of odd character beats, jokes that don't always land, and janky looking art.

Homestuck 2 has been written and drawn by very talented and passionate artists from the beginning, I think the actual issue comes down to a mix between the general pitfalls of hiring fans and the particulars of hussie's outsider background and unorthodox writing style.

First is the issue of hiring fans in general; while it can seem like an easy shortcut to finding talented writers already familiar with the voice and story of the original work, you have to be very aware of how fan culture operates. Beyond the obvious pitfalls that fans are unlikely to approach the story from a detached perspective, there is the larger issue that past a certain point fandom becomes essentially self sustaining. Once a fandom has existed for a long enough period, its most avid members have likely spent FAR more time engaging with other fan works than they have with the original art object. Fandom and the art it produces are, in this way, a sort of a folk tradition; artists are imitating and responding to other artists, characters become archetypes through which to explore certain ideas and dynamics, and the values and tastes of the most prolific and influential fan artists become as inseparable from a participants mental image of the character as the original work itself.

For an example, the affected theatrical mannerisms and cruelty Vriska adopts while in her Mindfang persona have become inseparable from the popular view of the character. Despite the fact that it's heavily signposted as a sort of role playing performance from the jump and she's more or less dropped it by the back half of the comic, it was nevertheless how she had acted in the bulk of her scenes around the time the ur-texts of homestuck fandom were being written, and as so an understandable misread of a character became inscribed into the fandom canon, and by extension her characterization in Homestuck 2.

All of this is extrapolated by the sort of unorthdox, building-the-plane-while-flying-it manner in which Hussie's writing style developed.

Based on his commentary, I get the sense that Andrew is an incredibly clever and thoughtful writer who lacks the theory and vocabulary to precisely describe his process. He tends to communicate in sort of abstract metaphors which aim to bridge the gap in explaining the actual conscious process he uses to plot his stories, but the way he talks about technical nuts and bolts writing craft stuff gives me the impression that his approach is largely intuitive, bordering on unconscious. He's a lot better at describing how he writes than what he writes or why.

You can of course piece a lot this together—his approach to art draws from the tradition of videogame spritework, where the visuals exist as a utilitarian vehicle for conveying information first and a work of illustration only inasmuch is needed to serve the greater story. His character writing draws more from a synthesis of literary fiction, sitcom writing, and "making up a guy" style posting humor, where characters are defined more by their life experiences and underlying psychology than by their goals and values, but also seem to have largely been constructed backwards from a starting point of a funny or interesting manner of speaking. Importantly though, I don't get the sense that these were conscious decisions, just that to Hussie they seemed like the logical way to approach these tasks, and I don't really think he could outline them in a way that would actually help a new team of creators grok how to draw and write in a way that feels like homestuck. I also don't think Hussie could actually explain the psychology that undergirds his character writing, I think he was mostly just drawing on his own life experience and imagining how this sort of character might logically speak and act.

As a novelist, and Hussie is one, both your thought processes and the sum total of your worldview and life experience are just as important to your work as the actual conscious decisions you're making, and I think that where there are gaps in understanding, the new writers are filling in the gaps with both a more conventional approach to the creative process and over a decade of accumulated fanon, and I think that's why homestuck 2 never really rises above feeling like a very well-made fanfic to me?

#homestuck #homestuck meta #homestuck 2 #hom3stuck #homestuck^2 #loooooooongpost #vriska #vriska serket

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screemnch · 6 months

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Yeah, the gay doctors are cool and all, but have you ever thought about

Aglaya Lilich?????

I swear to god she is the most character of all time. She is smart, she is capable, discerning and even sometimes kind and YET!

Everyone must hate her. She can’t do anything right - not for the lack of trying or being incapable - but because that is not her role. She isn’t the hero who saves the town from the plague and she isn’t the solution. The Powers That Be gave her an impossible task and promised to send her to death if she fails, there is probably already a coffin in the capital made just for her and she is still trying.

And I have to reiterate that everyone MUST hate her. Maria hates her because of Nina and because of the polyhedron, Block hates her because of the manufactured stigma, most npc’s speak about her with either fear or resentment. Even the healers all have a bone to pick with her (including Artemy, depending on how you play). And that’s not to say that she’s blameless or anything - she is still ruthless and unrelenting. She still orders many people to their death and tells a couple of characters to just go and drop dead, but I feel like that’s to be expected of a few other characters as well.

And yet.

She opens up the termitary (if I remember correctly) allowing the few survivors to get help and exposing the Olgimsky’s to judgement from the Kin. She saves Peter from Saburov’s murder plan without hesitation (if I remember correctly - before she even sees the tower’s blueprints). She wants to mend her relationship with the last of her family, even though they’ll never forgive her. And on the final day without fail - she leaves the decision in the player’s hands. If Dankovsky was right and she was trying to destroy the polyhedron simply as a final stab at the Kains, she’d be much more insistent about it, as we know she can be. But she acknowledges her biases and abstains from weighing in on the argument. She is convinced that her decision is correct (unlike Block, who is here to execute and order, not make decisions) yet she lets the player take the lead. I haven’t seen most of patho 2, and I know that she does a few things differently there, but I can assure you it will also make me have a lot of thoughts about her.

She is also perfectly aware of her situation. She is hated by the Powers That Be - both the government and the little kids. No one wants her here, no one trusts her, she is basically sent to die. But still she resolves to try to right the wrongs and help people as much as she can (which is particularly fun because a lot of people like to view Daniil’s story as that predicament). And while I don’t particularly like to talk about romance when analyzing stuff, it’s important to point out that (as far as I know) in both patho classic and patho 2 her themes are quite strongly connected with the concept of love. I’m not familiar enough with that part of the story, but the fact that someone can be in such a dire, desperate situation and still find in themselves the capacity for trust, vulnerability and affection is… Not something I can describe well in my vocabulary.

Honestly can’t wait to look at her dialogue, too bad she’s not part of any faction in particular and probably will be one of the last characters I look at. I should draw her, maybe. Go insane, maybe.

#pathologic #aglaya lilich #ramblings #whenever people kinda gloss over her existence it’s like #god forbid women do anything

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caramel-maveeato · 5 months

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ᴀ ᴍɪᴅɴɪɢʜᴛ'ꜱ ᴅᴏꜱᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴀꜰꜰᴇɪɴᴇ ♡˚₊。。。

❧❤ SYNOPSIS: pre-exam stress… (same) ♡ Pairings/Love interest: So Mun x GN!reader ♡ Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort ♡ TW: implications of stress, overworking, anxiety, slight cursing, crying. ♡ word count: 1.3k

Note: All characters originated from “The Uncanny Counter/Amazing Rumor” except for Y/n.

English is not my first language!!! Sorry in advance if I make any grammar and vocabulary mistakes.

Another all-nighter.

Papers and half-finished cups of coffee cluttered on your desk, too-brightened laptop's screen amplified the urge you have to collapse.

Studying was never your weakness. Most of the time, you were always able to ace any tests or quizzes perfectly with the proper amount of effort. But recently, all things appeared to be pointing a spear at you and whatever tasks failed miserably when they reached your hands. Everything merely fueled the raw chaos of strain and frustration you put yourself through.

“What the fuck is this supposed to mean?”

Neatly printed words wobbled into a mess when your gaze scanned through them, suddenly the language you’ve known by heart sounded like some incomprehensible nonsense, entering this ear and leaving through the other ear. At this point, you didn’t even remember what your last name was; the only thing that repeated itself in your head was how disastrously you were going to fuck this upcoming exam up.

Pathetic.

You glanced at the clock, your vision blurry at the number it showcased. It wasn’t the weariness that clouded your eyesight, but a layer of fog had ragingly obscured it.

This isn’t the time to cry, all of these stupid crammings have already dragged you through hell and back. But under the influence of pent-up stress and exhaustion, aggravation kept gushing out from your tired eyes like downpours no matter how hard you fought it back.

No game was played, yet you still felt like a loser, sobbing helplessly at your desk in the dead of night.

Caught in the whirling tempest of your vulnerabilities, your guards dismantled completely, rendering the abrupt sound of your door open powerless to distract you.

“Love…”

Like a soothing note of a melody or a lifeline thrown into the abyss, you instantly recognized this voice among the piteous snuffles you were unloosing. And the next thing you knew, the owner of that voice had slightly spun your chair around so that you both directly met.

“Mun.” The face of your beloved muddled through your tears, so as a reflex, you forcefully wiped them away to see him clearer: “Sorry, I didn’t mean to act like this… it’s just…”

“Shh, it’s alright, why are you apologizing?” So Mun crouched down in front of you, one hand on your thigh and the other brushed against your tear-stained cheek. His touch approached you like an anchor in the void, solacing the burning trails your tears left behind.

You didn’t know why you apologized either, but it felt like the only right thing to say at the moment. Not wanting to push your already-overwhelmed mind, So Mun ignored a worried sigh he unconsciously let out and enveloped your hand in his, carefully unfolding your anxious grip: “Why didn’t you call me if you’re tired?”

Apart from his extraordinary counter abilities, So Mun must’ve possessed some kind of sixth sense because how on earth did he catch you like this in the middle of the night? But apart from the bitter taste of guilt and shame you drown yourself in, there was no other reason you should be complaining about his presence: “It’s already 2 a.m., and I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Love… what are you talking about?” So Mun’s heart shattered just from the sound of your broken sniffles. His loving gaze carried the weight of shared despair, defining a wordless language that spoke volumes: “You’re never a burden to me. If anything, I should be feeling like a burden for not being able to help you.”

You shook your head. Half-dried tears once again woke up at their agitation, drenching the tip of your boyfriend’s fingers upon hearing he blamed himself for your breakdown: “No, don’t say that… How are you supposed to—”

“Alright, alright, my bad. I shouldn’t have said that.” So Mun cupped your face, whispering through a reassuring kiss he planted on your lips: “Neither of us is a burden, we’ve got each other, yeah?”

Prompting a reluctant nod from you, his calloused fingertips lovingly consoled the dull, duskened crescents beneath your tired eyes. There wasn’t much he could do, yet he didn’t want to stop trying either: “If so, is there anything I can do for you, sweetheart?”

Silence fell for a split second before you carefully extended your arms, and So Mun spared no time in granting your wish.

The outer world proceeded at a furious pace. Yet, as soon as you sank into the inviting comfort of his embrace, everything seemed to cease.

“There we go.” His protective embrace wove a shield that concealed you from exterior chaos, the barrier of defense you constructed for days disintegrated and you surrendered all of the remaining tension, finally handing over the bottled-up exhaustion as you sobbed into his chest: “It’s all good now, baby. I’ve got you.”

Encountered by the familiar strokes on your back, you couldn’t help but press yourself further into the tranquility you’d been missing ever since the weight of responsibilities overgrew, instinctively muttering his name like a prayer song: “So Mun-ah…”

“Yes, I’m here, your So Mun is here.” Every caress of his mended the torn edges of your frayed emotions. You reflexively snuggled up to him while your boyfriend kept kissing your ear and whispering words of comfort, knowing how badly you needed to hear them: “It’s going to be fine, you know you’re doing so great, right? I’m proud of you, baby, so so proud.”

The hug was only broken when you slowly drew away first, otherwise he would’ve had no issue holding you forever. A stain of your tears stood visible on his shirt, bedewing the fabric while simultaneously sprinkling your cheeks with embarrassment: “Sorry, I ruined your shirt.”

“You’re so silly, stop apologizing.” So Mun pinched your cheek playfully before laying another kiss on your forehead: “Let’s go to sleep, shall we?”

You know damn well that, aside from the comfort of your boyfriend, sleep is the second most essential thing you need right now. However, work came first; you couldn’t risk blowing this final test which determined whether or not you'd pass the class. The sound of your voice appeared barely louder than a worn-out whistle of the wind, physically and emotionally aching from tremendous overwork: “I can’t. I’m not done studying yet.”

A pout settled on So Mun’s face as worry draped itself over the warm color of his irises. Seeing stress etched lines of anxiety on your face was never a sight of his favor, but he couldn’t bring himself to persuade you to quit since you’ve made it clear how important this exam was to you. Plus, he was endlessly proud of how hard you were working, and he was sure that this profound effort would wonderfully pay off.

So, with a sigh, your boyfriend patted your head gently: “Just a little bit more, okay? I’ll stay with you.”

You nodded against your boyfriend's hand, grinning. The brilliance of your smile never waned, sending tiny swings into his chest like chaotic ripples on the surface of a pond. And so he gave in to what his heart told him, cradling your face in between his palms once more and peppering delicate kisses all over you.

Shared touches of laughter penetrated through the eerie shadows of nightfall, and suddenly midnight itself no longer felt cold.

Finishing the last kiss on your lips, So Mun carefully spun your chair back to the desk, grabbing one of your half-drunk cups that caught his attention: “Coffee at night is a no, but I guess today is an exception for you. I’ll go refill this and be back.”

[Tag List]✿⌦ @slytherinshua (feel free to notify me if you want to be on the tag list)

Dedicated to every So Mun simp out there but explicitly to students because finals are coming and i (we) am dying. WE GOT THIS PEOPLE💪😭!! (also this is like a sorry gift for the angsty fic i know it wasn't that angsty but)

#the uncanny counter x reader #the uncanny counter #so mun x reader #so mun #kdrama #kdrama x reader #pookie please come home 🏠#uncanny counter

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prettieinpink · 8 months

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being smart makes u prettier !!

If you’re somebody who’s not an active student rn, you’re on holiday, you want to become more smarter, looking for brain exercises before studying or you just want to be smarter without studying everyday this post is 4 u!!!!

READ!!!!!!!

This is crazy to me, the amount of people who don’t read is so high. You don’t even have to read a hard-copy book, just reading an article is literally enough to keep your brain exercising.

Some benefits i’ve noticed with reading consistently are my memory is literally boosted and my vocabulary is better. Though, i’ve only started reading every night like 2 months ago.

It does not need to be an educational or extensive literature book. Even some random book like an fantasy romance is gonna give you the same benefits.

Start writing whatever

This goes in pair with reading, but writing is literally the best brain exercise ever. Even if its journaling or some stupid short story, it all counts plus its really fun

One you begin writing, your mind just becomes less cluttered and you’re just less stressed. And its a perfect creative outlet for those who arent as artsy

Focus meditations

Before literally any task, whether its deep or shallow work but its still exerts your mental energy, do a focus meditation

Helped me become 10x productive and its so much easier to get into the flow of work

So important if you're an student or studying anything!!!

Download elevate!!

Its available on IOS but idk about androids

Basically it's an app where you can do three mental exercises each day, and it keeps track of your progress and gives you highlights after each session

It helps with mental maths, communication, eloquence and general writing!

Learning how to think on your own

It's crazy to me how much people rely on the internet. You do not need to scroll pinterest each time for outfit inspiration, searching up writing prompts each time you write or even ask the internet for personal advice

When people are bored, so instead of just being bored they decide to consume a whole lot of content that is not nourishing the mind

Its definitely okay to do, but not always

So take a step back, and ask yourself, ‘could I really survive a day of doing tasks without once using any source of the internet?’ ‘is this media allowing my mind to flourish? Or is it killing it?’

Thinking by yourself is now such a valuable skill, if you don't have it, DEVELOP IT.

Randomly research everything

If u get curious about something don’t just let it float in your head, taking up mental space

Instead research it! Even the little things like an random flower, how are playgrounds manufactured, the history of beds or the most expensive pencil ever.

conservations are so easy 4 me now because i know a lot of random stuff that the usual person doesn't care about! It makes it so easy for you to stand out too

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fandom-geek17 · 9 months

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Destined For More - Chapter 2

Neteyam x Omatikaya!Reader

Synopsis: Being a close family friend of the Sully's, and Kiri's best friend, it was hard to be around Neteyam and not fall in love with him. Supressing those feelings were even harder, especially when his parents start pressuring him about finding a mate...

Rating: E MINORS DNI🔞🔞

Tags: Friends to lovers! Eventual smut! Semi public smut! P in V smut, Reader has a name, no use of Y/N

Vocabulary: Marui (tent, pod), skxawng (moron), paskalin (sweet berry, term of endearment), syulang (flower)

Ages: Neteyam (21), reader (20), Kiri (20), Lo'ak (19), Tuk (13)

Can also be read on AO3

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Tagging: @suinhee @riatesullironalite @luvteyams @criticallybella @oceanstar19 @wiseheartzombie

Creating new beads seemed to have become your new favorite pastime. It was easy, time consuming and kept you from overthinking. Feeling like a robot, your hand repeated the practiced movements of carving out a small piece of wood before hollowing it and smoothing the edges. All the finished beads were tossed into a pile at your feet to be painted later. Over and over again. Think, carve, hollow, think, toss, repeat.

But the monotonous task could only distract you so much. The feelings of hurt and betrayal still lingered. Feelings that felt both deserved and unwarranted at the same time. How was that even possible? Every time Neteyam’s name came up in any conversation, your heart sank and you retreated to a corner for some mindless task. Mo’at didn’t directly question when you left Kiri and the others to deal with patients completely, only watching you with a pensive look. It’s not like you didn’t contribute. You had gathered more supplies and made more medicine than Mo’at could use up in an entire year. You just didn’t want anyone coming in for help to become the victim of your bad mood.

Deep down, you knew that it wasn’t fair to be angry with Neteyam. This wasn’t his choice. He couldn’t control his duty to find a mate anymore than he could control his feelings for you. Or rather, lack of feelings. Maybe you were more mad at yourself for letting this one-sided crush go on for as long as it did. Mad that you let yourself dream about him to the point that you fell in love when you shouldn’t have. Now you had to deal with the consequences.

In a way, maybe it was a good thing that he was to find a mate… Maybe then you could finally move on. Seeing him with someone else, happy and content would undoubtedly be the final stab to your heart. If you moved on too, it would be easier. If Neteyam was to court someone, maybe you should too. You were of age, after all. But your parents had never pressed the issue and you had never brought it up. You had been too busy drooling over your best friend’s brother in secret.

Though the thought of courting anyone right now hurt. It wouldn’t be fair to them or to you. Why court someone when your feelings laid elsewhere?

So, the best thing you could do was probably to give yourself the space you needed to process everything and hopefully come out on top in time for his wedding ceremony. Wedding ceremony… Ugh! The very thought made you sick. But there was no way you could avoid going, you were too close to his family.

“What’s up, Emmy?” Lo’ak’s voice broke you out of your thoughts. He stepped into your family’s marui, looking around with a smirk. “Are you trying to break a world record for the most beads made in one day?”

You snorted, but didn’t answer, didn’t even look up. He couldn’t see the dried tears on your cheeks! Lo’ak and sensitivity did not mix, he’d just be all awkward about it.

“You skxawng” Kiri admonished, stepping into the tent after her brother, Spider following close behind. She gave her brother a smack across the back of his head, making him yelp in pain.

“Ow!” he cried, rubbing the area. “What was that for?”

“For being you” Kiri responded firmly and sat down next to you, careful to not disturb the ever-growing pile of beads. “How are you feeling today?” she asked you.

You dared a small glance at your best friend. Her eyes were full of understanding. Even though you hadn’t explicitly told your best friend what was bothering you, Kiri seemed to sense everything concerning you, just like she could sense almost everything else. “I’m fine” you lied immediately.

Kiri cocked her head to the side, without a doubt taking in your tear-stricken face. She then turned to her brother and Spider. “Give us a moment.” Lo’ak grumbled something under his breath, but Spider gave you a look that could only be described as sympathetic before dragging Lo’ak out of the marui. Kiri turned back towards you. She tucked a couple of braids behind your ear in a soothing gesture she had undoubtedly picked up from her mother. “I know something is bothering you. But I don’t want to pressure you into talking about it until you’re ready.”

A small sniff escaped you. You sneaked a small peek at Kiri, hoping for anything but pity on her face. But there was mostly understanding. “Thank you, Kiri” you murmured.

Your best friend wrapped her arms around you, placing your head on her shoulder. You let out a long breath, closing your eyes. Even though you enjoyed, and really needed, the comfort, in a way it felt weird to accept comfort from her, given that it was her brother you were secretly brooding over. Not that you felt like Kiri would make such a huge deal over you being in love with her brother, per say. She was a very understanding person. The weird part was you having kept your feelings a secret for so long that it almost felt like a betrayal.

“What we wanted to ask you” Kiri began, stroking your hair. “Is if you wanted to join us later after dinner. Me, Lo’ak and Spider were thinking about going to the far side of the mountains, doing some exploring, just have some fun.”

You sighed… You could use the distraction, but the thought of faking happiness around other people was physically exhausting. “I don’t know, Kiri…”

“I won’t force you, I promise. But you could use the time outside, doing something else than foraging.”

“I’ll think about it” you answered.

And think about it, you did. Over and over again until your head spun around. Pulled between wanting to do something fun and productive to distract yourself and staying home to escape reality. You liked your friends, loved them even, but you had never been good at feigning happiness or the want to go out all the time. Solitude had always been you preferred escape. Being around large crowds and being social for so long could be draining. Even more so when you weren’t feeling well…

By the time dinner started, you had all but decided to decline their offer to hang out. Normally you would have said yes without thinking, but today was just not a good day. Kiri was carefully eyeing you from across the group. But meeting her eyes turned out to be an almost impossible task as she sat next to Neteyam. He was watching you too, his golden orbs flicking between you and his dinner.

Squaring your shoulders, you turned to your parents, trying to keep up with and engage with their conversation. But all you really wanted to do was run away to the safety of your marui. Your father was saying something about fishing, about how the fish had started to migrate. You listened to him babble on without much interest.

When the clan started to disperse, Kiri gave you a hopeful smile. But all you could do was to shake your head slightly and follow your parents towards your home. She gave you a nod in return before following her own family.

But when you reached your family’s marui, you instinctively stopped. “Are you not coming, paskalin?” your mother asked, a crease in her forehead. Of course, they had noticed your behavior. And you had told them in broad strokes what was going on. Told your mother, at least. But you hadn’t told them that it was Neteyam you were crying over. If your parents knew, then it was only a matter of time before Jake and Neytiri knew. And then Neteyam would know and that would be a disaster. The looks of pity, or worse disgust, when he would have to reject you were not something you wanted to experience.

“I will soon” you promised. “I just want to go for a quick walk.”

Your mother nodded and followed your father inside. Turning around, you walked away from the pods towards a quieter part of the village. Birds were singing in the trees when you arrived. The wind breezed through the trees. It was so peaceful, and helped to clear your spiraling mind.

But the peace and quiet didn’t last for long. A group of young men busted through the clearing, talking loudly, laughing, slapping each other on the backs. You recognized most of them as young warriors around your age. They hadn’t noticed you standing under a tree, too preoccupied with their conversation. A small smile played on your lips as you watched them. You wanted to have fun like that, if you could just get out of your own stupid head…

Though the smile vanished when you saw the object of your distress laughing among the men. Your heart constricted when Neteyam noticed you, his laugh faltering slightly. You turned your head away, blinking furiously to not let any emotion escape. His friend whispered something to him, but he just gave them a smile, clapping him on the back.

The group walked ahead, but Neteyam stayed behind, approaching you with a small smile. “Hey” he said, reaching out a hand to touch your shoulder. His touch was all warm, calming the storm inside you. Despite knowing better, you leaned into the touch and suddenly, his arms were around you. The hug was everything you needed, calming every nervous thought inside your head. The voice telling you to back off only got quieter and quieter. How was it possible that he could cause you so much turmoil and calmness at the same time?

“What was that for?” you asked quietly when he stepped back.

Neteyam shrugged. “You haven’t been yourself lately, and you looked really sad so I thought you could use a hug…”

“I haven’t been myself?” you questioned, looking down at your feet as you crossed your arms. The pity in his voice was maddening. You hated being pitied.

“Not really, no.” His voice sounded more nervous now. “You’re usually so happy. Did something happen?”

“No.” You cleared your throat. A clear lie, but he couldn’t know that. “Nothing’s happened.”

He sighed, placing his hand on your shoulder. His hand slowly travelled up your shoulder to the base of your neck, leaving a trail of fire. “I have to meet the guys, but I was hoping we could have a moment to talk soon.”

Your eyes carefully met his. He looked so hopeful it almost made you want to hope. “Talk about what?” you asked carefully.

He took a small step closer you, forcing you to crane your neck to keep looking at him. The air suddenly seemed thick, your breathing deepening. “About everything that’s going on. My parents are practically nagging me with a new name every day…”

Suddenly, your sadness turned to anger. Did he really consider this such an issue? Having women throw themselves at his feet? Having the entire clan gossiping about the fact that the son of the olo’eyktan was ready for a mate? Oh, all the gossip you had heard both inside the healer’s tent and outside. The warrior talking about how women constantly approached Neteyam, young women talking about how they had begged their parents to be able to put themselves forward as a match. That last one really made you scoff. As if anyone had the right to decide whether or not their daughter could court or not.

No. No, you would not be his shoulder to cry on. Not like this. “Is it really that hard to have women throwing themselves at you?”

Neteyam seemed taken aback by your new, suddenly harsh tone. He took his hand off your shoulder. “It is when there’s only one I’m interested in and she doesn’t notice.”

You scoffed. “So why are you talking to me instead of her?” You started to walk backwards. “I promise you, Neteyam, I’m fine. Nothing’s happened to me. You have your friends to meet up with, and I have mine. I’m supposed to meet Kiri and the others. And I encourage you to find the woman of your desires and let her know you how you feel.”

“You know, I might just do that” Neteyam called after you as you walked away, a slight edge to his voice.

No more of this. No more of this self-pitying, self-consciousness and moping about. You were going to meet your friends and have a damn good time!

XXX

Neteyam had been so confused these past few weeks. It had been three weeks since his parents first brought up the prospect of him finding a mate. When they first did, his thoughts had immediately travelled to you. How could they not? You were everything, and he was like an insect drawn to your light. You were so kind and attentive, so beautiful with your braided hair, your tall body with voluptuous hips and breasts that were covered with the most intricate pieces of clothing. He sometimes felt a bit guilty for thinking of his sister’s best friend in that way. But the mind had a mind of its own, especially when in love.

He would have fallen for you regardless, but your closeness to Kiri definitely helped. Growing up together, he quickly learned how dedicated you were to your healing skills, and interest in medicine. How kind you were to others, even when the large crowds in the healing tent visibly exhausted you. He loved how you put so much care and effort into everything you did.

When Jake and Neytiri had brought up a mate, he had told them that he understood that the time had come but that he wanted to do the searching himself, and not have people pressure him or any clan member into any rash decisions. Of course, that hadn’t stopped them from bringing up a new girl every day, hoping Neteyam would catch an interest. But he had no interest in them, only you.

And it hurt that every time he had tried to approach you, you had pulled away, suddenly busy with anything other than him.

You had told him that whoever he chose would surely make a great tsahík. You would make a great tsahík. You had everything required. The only thing missing was a belief in yourself and your connection to Eywa. One time, years ago, you had said that you felt like your connection to the great mother was lackluster. Neteyam couldn’t believe that even if he wanted to. Someone with your connection to the earth had to have a deep connection to Eywa. How else would you know so intuitively how to turn plants into medicine and always knew what to do for the people unless Eywa guided your hand. You only needed some guidance to learn how to interpret the signs.

He knew you liked him, but did you like him? The signs had been so mixed over the years. Sometimes you treated him like one in the group, a friend like any other. And then there was that day in the tent when Neteyam could swear the tension between you was electric. There had been several of those over the years, coming closer and closer together. Like that one time he had danced with you at the night of his friend’s wedding ceremony. Your movement had been flawless, for once so carefree. You had both been a bit drunk, dancing so close, smiling, twirling. He had felt brave then, letting his hands roam up and down your waist. Just when he was about to kiss you, you had excused yourself and then he hadn’t seen you for two days.

After you ran away angrily today, he had no choice but to follow his friends. It was what he had intended to do anyways, but maybe not with such a knot in his stomach. For weeks he had been trying to get a minute alone with you to finally find the courage to express his feelings, but you had avoided him as if he was riddled with disease. It’s not like he expected you to put yourself forward in a desperate manner he had witnessed from others, but a part of him had hoped for some kind of hint. Maybe you staying away was his hint. But if you truly did not feel anything for him, then why would you react with such anger and clear jealousy?

He should just ask you… Then he would get a true answer. He just hoped things would not get too weird if you rejected him… You had told him to find the one he wanted and show her, so he would show you.

He spent some time with the warriors, goofing around, competing at archery, talking shit. It was nice to have some time off from his duties, time to feel like a normal young adult. Usually, Lo’ak was the one who always got to have fun. Of course, the topic of his coming courtship came up. The guys loved talking about how Neteyam would leave a string of broken hearts behind him for them to heal. He couldn’t help but cringe at that. He didn’t really want them to take advantage of their disappointment.

He had already had to reject a couple of offers put forward by either the women themselves or by their parents. Their clear disappointment always stung, and he felt like a jerk. But he also couldn’t lie to himself and commit to anyone before knowing how you felt about him.

On his way back, he was met with a sight that was equally funny and exasperating. Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider standing by the riverside, covered from head to toe in mud.

“What have you guys been up to?” he asked, eyeing his siblings and friend up and down as they washed themselves somewhat clean.

“We were climbing and we all slipped on some mud” Kiri explained calmly, helping Spider to scrub some dirt from his locs.

“Bro, it was epic you should have seen it!” Lo’ak laughed. “Emmy fell first head on and we all thought she hurt herself but she did this crazy flip to catch herself and fell in the mud!”

Neteyam could feel his stomach constrict in worry. She wasn’t here with the rest of them! What if she did hurt herself? But before he could ask, Spider opened his mouth. “Kiri and I dove after her but by the time we made it down, she was just sitting in the mud laughing so hard and we all just kind of got into a mud fight.”

This didn’t really help his beating heart calm down. Where was she? “So why isn’t she with you guys?” Neteyam asked urgently, his eyes flitting between the others.

“Relax, bro” Lo’ak rolled his eyes in a way that made Neteyam want to strangle him just a little bit.

“She’s upstream” Kiri explained, pointing towards a cluster of trees. “She kinda got the worst of the mud so we gave her some privacy to clean up.” Without answering, Neteyam started to march towards where Kiri pointed. “Hey! Privacy applies to you to, Neteyam!”

Ignoring his sister partially, Neteyam moved on. Yes, privacy applied to him in the sense that he couldn’t just barge in on you if you were in some state of undress, but he also didn’t trust Lo’ak to judge whether you were injured in some way.

“Emreyìte?” he called, but no answer came. So he walked a bit more, looking for you in the distance.

Just when he was considering diving into the water to look for you, he spotted something cruising on the surface. There you were, floating in the water, ears below the surface, smiling a bit to yourself, eyes closed. It was the happiest he had seen you for weeks, well since he told you about his parents’ wishes. The fact that you had been sulking since then gave him some twisted sense of hope. But it wasn’t the smile on your face that made him blush. It was the sight of your breasts bobbing in the water. Your chest covering was nowhere to be found. When your arms moved in the water, it created ripples that caused your breasts to move with the current. Your nipples were pebbled in the cool night air, your tanhì glowing in intricate patterns. Beautiful, you were absolutely beautiful. Your words from earlier came flooding back, and he should look away, but Neteyam found himself unable to.

A twig snapped beneath his feet and your head immediately turned towards the sound. A shriek escaped your mouth at the sight of him.

“Neteyam?” you questioned, immediately sinking deeper into the water, covering yourself with your arms. “What are you doing here?”

It took a few seconds before Neteyam even realized you were talking to him, his mind too busy conjuring images of what he could do to let you know how he felt like you suggested. “Shit” he cursed, turning around to give you some sense of privacy. “I’m sorry! I just wanted to check on you, I head you fell down a cliff.”

You snorted behind him. “That’s the overstatement of the year. I’m fine, just filthy.” There was an edge to your voice that he didn’t like. Although, he couldn’t really blame you for being annoyed with him, he did just walk in on you bathing. But the edge in your voice also did other things to him. It was wrong, but his loincloth was getting tighter and tighter when all he could do imagining bending you over a rock, wanting to watch the water droplets run down your plush ass before burying himself in you completely. Again, it took him a second to realize that you were speaking. “My chest covering is lying by the grass, could you grab it for me? I think it’s too ruined to wear again but I need something on the way home.”

Careful to not look at you without permission, he fetched the covering, handing it over without looking. He could hear you emerging from the water. You mumbled a thanks, taking it from him.

“Are you sure that you’re not hurt?” Neteyam asked. When it came to you, he would never stop worrying. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, but whether it was from your half-naked proximity or him worrying about your wellbeing, he wasn’t sure.

“Yes” you sighed. “Don’t worry about me, it was a short fall.” The rustle of you putting your piece of clothing continued for a few seconds before he felt your hand on his shoulder. “You can turn around now.” Your touch was warm, and he wanted more, so much more. When he turned around, he couldn’t even be bothered to hide his erection. There wouldn’t really be anywhere to hide it, anyways. Instead, he took a small, tentative step forward, taking one of your braids between his fingers, enjoying the silky feeling. “I know they’re still dirty…”

“No” Neteyam whispered, his throat dry, voice thick with desire. Seeing you like this, wet, glowing tanhì, a sweet blush spreading across your cheeks, seemed to have destroyed the last of his willpower. “They’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful.”

His hand moved from your braid to your jaw, cupping it. He looked into your eyes, finding a mix of emotions there. Nervousness, anticipation, but most of all longing. So much longing. His eyes flitted between your eyes and lips. Slowly, he leaned in. It felt like eternity, but when your lips eventually touched, a dam broke.

His arms were around you in an instant, your hands sinking into the hair at the nape of his neck. The water droplets on your body were cold, but your body was scorching as it pressed against his. His erection pressed into your stomach, creating a delicious friction that made him groan into the kiss. His lips moved over yours, possessive and demanding. You whimpered into the kiss, pulling him closer. Neteyam’s tongue ran over your bottom lip, and you immediately allowed him entrance. He had been with other women in the clan, but none that made him feel this electric.

Your tongues battled for dominance before Neteyam detached himself from you. He relished in your disappointed groan that turned into a moan when he started trailing kisses down your jaw and neck. Every inch of your skin would be covered in his kisses. Your skin was just as soft as he remembered from all the stolen touches over the years.

His hands roamed from your back, up your waist to grasp at your breast through the soiled covering. He could already feel your nipple hardening under his touch, making him bite down on your skin, eliciting a loud whimper from you.

“If this is already ruined” Neteyam started, running his finger over the cloth, straight over your nipple. “Are you still very fond of it?”

“Not really” you answered, a slight furrow between your brows.

“Good” Neteyam answered, grasping at the fabric and ripping it like it was nothing. Your audible gasp was swallowed by his mouth as he latched onto you, using the opportunity to plunge his tongue into your mouth. Your muffled gasp turned into a moan as he played with your nipples, rolling it between his finger.

Eywa, he was rock hard, pushing up against you stomach. He needed everything you’d give him. Years of yearning and fantasizing made him feel reckless, even more so at the realization that you, the real you, couldn’t even compare to his fantasies.

Taking hold of your waist, Neteyam backed up against a nearby tree, sitting down and pulling you into his lap. This was better, this was so much better! Your entire weight resting on his dick, you squirming for friction, whimpering with each movement of your hips. He couldn’t help but lick a stripe up your breast. Judging by your reaction, it was his best idea yet. So, he continued, alternating between licking, sucking and nipping with some expertise. He had been with other women, but none better with you, they couldn’t even compare. He was only grateful for the experience now, so he knew how to please you now. Of course everyone was different, but at least he had a baseline to work off of and adjust by your reactions.

Your mouth had moved from his, pressing kisses to his cheek, jaw and down the column of his neck. Hesitant at first, but then more assertive, bolder. Your tongue licked at his pulse point, making him crane his neck with a groan, giving you better access. Your hands played with his braids for a moment before trailing over his shoulders and upper back. You exploring his body and surely sucking a hickey onto his neck was how he wanted to spend the rest of his life. Or maybe inside you. Yeah, definitely inside you, but he wouldn’t pressure you for that right now.

Instead, he trailed his finger along the hem of your loincloth. Your mouth broke from his neck, looking into his eyes. Fuck you were so beautiful, swollen lips, blown pupils, glowing tanhì, small water droplets decorating your skin. An inch of his finger travelled inside your loincloth, but he stopped there, searching your eyes for consent.

When you nodded with a small smile, he swiftly untied your loincloth, slipping his fingers inside. Warm, wet heat engulfed his fingers instantly, you were absolutely drenched. “Fuck, this all for me?” he breathed, dragging his finger up your slit.

A shiver coarsed through you as you nodded eagerly. Neteyam smirked at your reaction, his finger stopping to circle your clit. As he massaged the small button, your moans grew louder. Sure, the stream offered some soundproofing, but there was no way the other wouldn’t be able to hear the obvious sounds of pleasure coming from you.

“Shh…” Neteyam cooed, burying his nose between your breasts. “We don’t want the others to hear.”

You jerked your head, nodding, throwing your head back in quiet ecstasy. Neteyam pressed kisses all over your breasts as his fingers dipped lower, seeking more of your glorious heat. Gently, he pressed a finger inside you and his entire body shivered with arousal. So warm, so wet, your deep breaths and whimpers filling his ear, your sweet, earthy scent invading his senses. This was heaven, he was sure, there was nothing better than this. He had been drawn to you like a magnet most of his life, and there was no way he was ever going to let you go now.

He moved his finger in and out of you, pressing against that sweet spongy spot. Your hips jerked in rhythm with his hand, seeking the friction with desperation. His mouth sought yours, drowning your moans with his kisses. Your hands clawed at his shoulders, pressing as close to his body as possible. The palm of his hand pressed against your clit, making you cry out. He pressed his mouth against yours even harder, pressing his tongue into your mouth. You were close, he could feel it in the way you clamped down on him. He angled his hand against you just a little to reach better, and your body shivered.

“That’s it, syulang” Neteyam murmured against your mouth, feeling you pulse. “Come for me!”

He could feel you tumble over the edge, contracting around his finger, body shaking, cries swallowed by his mouth. You were so warm against him, pressing down on his erection. Warm liquid gushed from you, coating his hand. So perfect, you were so perfect! You looked at him with such warm softness it made his insides melt. This was how he always wanted to spend his time, coaxing your pleasure, being on the receiving end of your warm gaze.

When the aftershocks wore off, your hand carefully reached for his groin, but before you could reach, he put his hand over yours to stop the movement. “Not now, syulang” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your nose. “The others will wonder where we are…”

“Are you sure?” you asked, pressing your forehead against his.

Neteyam couldn’t help but smile at you, always so caring, even if you didn’t realize it. “I’m sure.” He gently pushed at your hip. “Come on, let’s go.”

XXX

Being the skilled crafter that you were, you quickly used some vine to make the destroyed chest covering appear whole enough for you to sneak past the others, fighting the blush spreading across your face and neck. Kiri’s eyes followed you like a bird of prey. Lo’ak and Spider seemed clueless like always.

You barely slept that night, your mind going over every small detail of what happened. It was a bit confusing going from feeling so sad about Neteyam to feeling on cloud nine. He had been so attentive, so caring, making you orgasm with such expertise. A part of you felt elated, like you finally had confirmation of everything you had always hoped he’d feel for you. But the louder part of your brain advised caution. Before you let your heart do a 180, you had to speak to him, first thing in the morning.

So, you tossed and turned a little bit more before swinging your legs off the hammock at first light. The village had barely come to life yet, buy you knew Neteyam would be awake. He was always the first one to awake.

The thoughts swirled in your head. What did he think of this entire thing? Was this a confirmation of his feelings, or were you just one more of the women he’d spent time with over the years to find some stress relief?

Thankfully, you reached the Sully’s marui before you could overthink again. Voices could be heard from the inside and you immediately recognized one of them as Neytiri.

“Nulan is an excellent hunter and has a fine relationship with Eywa” Neytiri said, and you could hear the smile in her voice.

“She’s a good choice, son” Jake said from behind the tent flap.

Suddenly it felt like someone had filled your entire body with rocks and lava. Everything felt so heavy, so painful, betrayal seeping through your entire system. What the fuck?

#avatar #avatar the way of water #the way of water #atwow #neteyam #neteyam sully #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #neteyam x reader #neteyam smut #neteyam x na'vi!reader #neteyam x female reader #smut #neteyam x omaticaya!reader #Neteyam lives #canon divergence #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #swedishlitteowl

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asyastudieskorean · 4 months

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1.08.2024 — I studied way too hard for the chapter and vocabulary quiz. I went page by page and studied the entire chapter, basically running through the little tasks on each page twice. Then I watched the week’s lecture and realized that only the first two pages were covered. 💀 The whole chapter is about the place marker 에. It covered how to say where a place is, how to ask where something is, and how to give basic directions by adding words like 안 (inside) or 옆 (side).

It took my approximately 6 minutes to do the chapter quiz and 2 minutes to do the vocab, and that was me double checking and taking my time... I’m not mad at easy quizzes, not at all, but I feel slightly deceived lol. Like why did I spend my entire weekend and some of today studying the entire chapter?

I’ll probably still continue reviewing the entire chapter for the week as we continue on, because I want to learn as much as I can this quarter.

I sent an email to my 교수님 with a question about how to say the opposite of [noun] is here, so [noun] isn’t here, because the textbook only gave examples of the first, and she gave me a really detailed and informative response, so I appreciated that.

If you’re curious, the textbook example goes like this:

Q: 여기가 인사동이에요? Is this Insadong?

A: 네, 여기가 인사동이에요. Yes, this is Insadong.

I wanted to know how you'd structure the no version of this, specifically where you'd put the 가/이 marker and if you needed to add the 는/은 marker.

Basically, you could word it a couple ways and it would still be correct, but she told me Koreans typically use the 는/은 marker when answering questions.

So, this would be the no answer to the above question: 아니요, 여기는 인사동이 아니에요. You could leave out the "no" I assume, as the end of the sentence signals the "no."

#college student #korean language #studying #studyblr #language student #studying at home #language study #online student #student #college work

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just-english-ielts · 1 year

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Vocabulary to show effect:

As a result

Resulting in

Possibly leading to

Which can lead to

Consequently

Therefore

Thus

Hence

For this reason

Which will help them as they

For example: Many people have sedentary lifestyle , resulting in obesity and other health related issues.

*Which can result can also be used here in place of resulting.

#ieltstips #writing #vocabulary #ieltswriting #poetry #ielts #idioms #slang #books & libraries #result related vocabulary #ieltsvocab #ieltsvocabulary #ielts writing #ielts synonyms #synonyms #spokenenglish #boost your vocabulary #sentence structure for task 1 ielts #task 2 vocabulary

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chaifootsteps · 10 days

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HELP these days I'm a substitute English (I live in France so it's a foreign language class here) teacher and for today my 6th grade students were tasked to draw a monster in order to describe it in clothes and in looks in order to see if they knew their vocabulary. One had 0 imagination and told me a little bit shameful he couldn't invent one so he just drew and described one that exists. And you know who ? Fucking Alastor 😭😭😭😭 I never cringed so hard withing my soul all while telling him it was alright 😅 but 1) OH DAMMIT EVEN IRL THIS FUCKING SHOW IS CATCHING UP and 2) why did he a 11-12 years old have access to that show !?!?!

The kids aren't alright.

#benthehyena #actual blog post #viv stuff

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everything-english-215 · 2 years

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Collocations to talk about work for IELTS writing and speaking [part 3] and how to use 'in spite of/despite' to expand your answers.

Collocations to talk about work for IELTS writing and speaking [part 3] and how to use ‘in spite of/despite’ to expand your answers.

An important grammatical highlight that examiners look for in test takers’ answers is the use of complex sentences with ‘in spite of/despite’. However, most students do not use ‘in spite of/despite’ enough in their speaking or writing answers. This isn’t too hard to understand as students get used to saying the much easier words which are “but,” “however,” and “although.” It is advisable to use…

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#academic writing #despite #ielts writing #ielts writing task 2 #in spite of #Topic vocabulary #vocab #work #work from home #working

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exoticabl4 · 16 days

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How to actually stick to your habits ?

Hello, my loves. This post will be, as you've read it in the title, about how to stay committed to your habits. So without further ado, let's start.

1. Don't start off too strong.

You've got to know that your brain always wants your safety and your comfort. Your old habits provided you with both of these, even if they were unhealthy, and even if the pleasure was very short and temporary. Therefore, it is very normal that your brain will keep dwelling in your old habits and routines. So never start off too strong, otherwise it'll be very hard for you to stay committed. What I recommend doing, is to identify 8 habits that will highly benefit you, and get you closer to your goals. Instead of adding those 8 habits to your day all at once since day one, you're going to add 2 habits a week. Focus on progress, rather than perfection. At the end of your first month, you'll find yourself with 8 new habits. Give yourself the time to get used to each habit, so about a week or more (depending on how hard the habit is).

And before you come to me, I know that the average duration to implement a habit in your life is 21 days, but the goal here is not to be used to it at a 100%, the goal is to lessen the unfamiliarity, so that the brain can stop dwelling in the old habits.

2. Focus on the end-goal.

Sometimes, we tend to focus on how hard the task/habit is, rather than the end-goal that will result from the consistency of the habit. Therefore, try to remind yourself of the end-goal. My experience with this has been IMMACULATE. To focus on the end-goal, I make Pinterest boards. Personally, studying and reviewing for exams is something that I absolutely dread, so in order to get myself to enjoy it or make it more bearable, i made a Pinterest board with the lifestyle i wanna have in my early 20s. So it contains pics of my dream uni, the country i wanna be living in, the life i wanna be leading. Whenever i feel too lazy or demotivated to study or review stuff, i go back to my Pinterest board to remind myself of my end-goal. And when I tell you that each time i do this, i get the best grade of my class, and when i really put my mind into it, i get the best grade of my whole promotion.

3. Realize how simple your task is with this technique.

Many times, we don't see the habit for what it is, but rather for some kind of absolutely dreadful and unbearable task that's impossible to achieve. So what I do to simplify it, is that i write down in my notes what my most productive day would look like, and compared to the tasks that I set to myself, i start to view that as some really simple stuff. To give you an idea of how it works, I'll do what i do best : give an example.

I wanna learn Spanish, last year i was very consistent with it, but the last few months, I really procrastinated and got lazier, like, even spending my daily 15 minutes of Duolingo seemed like a torture, so i decided to use this technique. I wrote down what my ideal spanish learning session was, and it kind of looked like this :

45 minutes of Duolingo

Learning 3 new pages of vocabulary from my notebook

Using each newly learned word in a sentence

Do a conjugation lesson/ learn the conjugation of an irregular verb

Listen to a short story in Spanish, and write down new and unfamiliar vocabulary

Next to this routine, 15 minutes on Duolingo looked very simple and easy, even too little, and now it is wayy easier for me to stick to habits.

4. Always have an alternative.

You got me there, we all have our bad days, low-energy days, and it is very hard, if not impossible, to get anything done on these days. That's why you should give each of your habits an alternative. Let's say you wanted to workout an hour a day, but you came back home absolutely exhausted. Instead of the intense 1 hour workout, have a less intense and easier alternative for it, or maybe a shorter one, or you could go for a walk instead, after all, the end goal is to move your body, you do you, you know what works best for you.

That was all for today's post, hope it helped. Bye, my loves 💗

#self healing #affirm #self concept #summer #glowingskin #glow up #confidence #dream life #wonyoung #affirmations #habits #glowing up #tips #advice #program #self love

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thewidowsledger · 11 months

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Secrets Behind Our Dreams

Chapter 3: Your Forgotten Dream Isn't Real

Summary: You are a club dancer; a stripper. Natasha is a respected notorious mob boss. What would happen if your paths happened to cross one night? The only thing you knew about each other was your dreams, and neither of you knew what the other was.

Pairings: Mob Boss Natasha Romanoff x Stripper Reader

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of weapons and scars

⧗

2 weeks ago…

It's been 2 weeks since Natasha last saw you and in that same week when she met you. Natasha mobilized her men, scattering them across the neighborhood in an attempt to track you down. She left no stone unturned, even enlisting the help of Barnes, who diligently checked the block you said you lived in. She even searched some dance studios herself in luck of finding you.

Bucky entered her office with a news, "Welp, no signs of your girl. They don't know someone that has Y/H/C hair and Y/E/C eyes. Unless a girl that you saw is a kid, you could've told me 'cause they pointed me to a kid that matches your person. She's like 7 or like…at least 10? I duno."

Natasha just hummed in response, there was a stack of papers spread out before her. She busied herself, shuffling through the documents, but her mind was far from the tasks at hand. She pretended to be engrossed in her work, not wanting to reveal the disappointment that washed over her as Bucky told the news she had been dreading.

"You giving up now? Doesn't suit you well, Nat." Bucky said as he studied Natasha's demeanor.

Natasha brushed off her disappointment, her voice tinged with boldness, "There are other matters that require my attention. I'll focus on what's within my control. Plus, it's just a girl I can have many if I want."

"My girl is back!" Bucky held his hands in the air as if he was praising someone that hides behind the sky. He sat across Natasha and took the Mont Blanc ballpoint pen for him to play with.

But in Natasha's mind–perhaps it was time to accept that finding you was beyond her reach. But as a woman accustomed to having control, this surrender was both humbling and disheartening for her. She reluctantly conceded defeat, it's not even in her vocabulary.

"Hey, what if she was a ghost?" Bucky suddenly broke the silence, he pointed the pen towards Natasha.

Natasha's fingers froze mid-page turn, she gave Bucky a piercing look, "Stop playing Barnes and give me tha–"

Bucky quickly snatched the pen away from her, "Hey, I'm being for real. But what if she isn't?" he intently looked at her as he leaned back in his chair with crossed arms, "You met her outside the club, past midnight…I mean, no name, appearing in the dark hours of the night? That sounds pretty spooky to me."

"Oh god, we're not having this conversation. And I asked for her name, she just…didn't give it to me." Natasha's eyes narrowed as she gripped the papers with annoyance showing in her face.

"Damn, she didn't?" Bucky's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he processed Natasha's words.

It's very unusual for Natasha to be left in the dark. And with her past relationships and a couple of 'sleep-arounds' as Natasha calls it; it's always them that would plead and beg her to stay. She knows that they will always run back to her. The world will always run back to her.

She possesses this captivating charm that was as alluring as it was dangerous. Natasha carved her path through a world riddled with danger and deceit. She knew how to get what she wanted and she can do it with a blink of an eye, leveraging her magnetic personality to sway others to her cause. But she couldn't even get a girl's name? Your name?

"Can we stop this? And can you stop playing with that pen? That pen costs more than your life." Natasha scolded him.

"Ouch, Nat!" Bucky mockingly put his hands to his chest. He chuckled after, recognizing Natasha's playful scolding for what it truly was—a diversion from their previous conversation.

But for Natasha, deep down, she wanted to protect herself from becoming too vulnerable, too consumed by the thoughts of you.

Natasha rolled her eyes playfully, a smirk playing on her lips. "Prepare the lift, there is an illicit trade of armors today. Some li'l birdy told me about a group known for transporting them. I'll make sure they won't screw it up."

"Woah, boss is back in the game." Bucky grinned at her, he gave her a finger-guns as he made his way out of her office.

Natasha just once again rolled her eyes to him, "I'm always in the game." She confidently muttered to herself.

Present day…

The thoughts of you already slipped out in Natasha's mind, as if you didn't happen, you weren't real, and you were forgotten. Her work demanding more of her time and attention.

It's just a girl, I can have many if I want.

She sat behind her grand desk, a mixture of apprehension and intrigue swirling within her. An invitation had arrived, summoning her once again to a gathering of mob bosses at the same exclusive club she went few weeks ago. Memories of the previous meeting flooded her mind—the debauchery, the lack of professionalism, disappointment, and lastly the smell of disgust.

This time, however, the invitation came with a different tone—a simple gathering to foster connections and potential alliances. Natasha saw an opportunity in this, a chance to expand her network and strengthen her influence. She pondered the invitation for a moment, weighing the risks against the potential opportunity.

Before she could decide Bucky interrupted as he entered her opulent office. "Hey, I heard the news about the gathering."

"Yeah, I'm stuck between…" Natasha cleared her throat and leaned her back to her office chair.

Bucky leaned against the edge of Natasha's desk, "You should go, have some fun." Bucky convinced, his gaze lingering on Natasha's troubled expression.

"I don't want fun Barnes, I'm here for business." She plainly said not taking a glance at him, she knows damn well that she will not win over Bucky when it comes to this kind of conversation, when it comes to having fun.

For Natasha fun seemed like a distant memory, a luxury she couldn't afford.

"Nat, you work tirelessly. You deserve a break. This shit could be an opportunity to let loose even just for a little while or…okay as much as I wanted you not to work while having fun maybe there's some opportunity for business y'know?" Bucky knew her too well, aware of the heavy burden and responsibilities she carried on her shoulders but this time he thinks that she's letting herself drown with her work.

"Nat, I know the weight you carry, but you're more than just a mob boss or the bloody heiress whatever they call you. You deserve moments for yourself, to unwind and be out in this cage, damn is that…wow this is new?" Bucky pointed to the framed-painting hanging on the wall, it's red pointe shoe.

Natasha chuckled at the sight of him, Bucky has this black cat facade but has a golden retriever personality…and has an attention span of a gold fish.

"But anyway, Nat life…it's not all about work. Remember, life is meant to be lived, not just endured." He made his way towards Natasha's office door, "I'm out, please…a li'l fun wouldn't hurt."

There was a flicker of havoc in Natasha's eyes as Bucky left, she paused, considering Bucky's words, knowing deep down that he was right, she hated it that sometimes he is right.

"Okay, we'll…I'm going for business, that's first…and hey business is fun, so I'll have fun with that." Natasha convincingly mumbled to herself with a sigh.

⧗

Natasha decided to have lunch outside, she was wearing a sleeveless black turtleneck, dirty white trousers, and an expensive luxury shoulder bag clinging on her right shoulder. As she strolled along the busy city streets, her attention was caught by a young kid who seemed to be lost. She looked around for a second before walking to the kid.

"Hey…" Natasha softly called the girl's attention, the kid was startled as she turned to Natasha with glossy eyes.

"Where's your parents?" Natasha asked, and that's when the child completely cried out loud. "Oh shit, great." She mumbled to herself."

Natasha grabbed the child and looked around, she found an ice-cream shop and they both went in. She smiled and knelt to face the kid. "What do you want? I'll buy you ice-cream."

"I want Mama!" The kid exclaimed, stomping her feet.

The people were startled by the kid's tantrum, Natasha couldn't help but notice the curious glances of the people around the shop. Whispers filled the air, and she could tense unease and suspicion that radiated from their gaze. "Now, that's even great," Natasha muttered to herself with a little annoyance. "We'll get one chocolate chip cone."

"One chocolate chip cone coming right up!" The kid suddenly stopped from wailing when the server repeated Natasha's order.

"Here y'go." The server handed the cone to Natasha, she took it and gave the cone to the little girl. The kid looked at her with doe eyes, hesitant at first, but after a few seconds the child gave up and took it. Natasha rubbed the girl's hair before paying at the counter.

She held the child's hand as they made their way out, her tiny fingers wrapped securely around hers. Natasha's instincts kicked in, scanning the surroundings for any signs of the child's mother.

Natasha gently wiped the remnants of the chocolate ice-cream off the girl's face, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. The little girl's eyes sparkled with innocence and wonder, Natasha could see the trust growing out of the girl.

Feeling a pang of empathy, Natasha knelt down to the child's level and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "We'll find your Mama now. But wipe your mouth first, big girl." Natasha winked at her, she gave her some tissue and took the ice-cream.

The girl wiped her mouth sloppily, Natasha chuckled at the sight but it suddenly changed when she met a gaze with so much tension in it. "Oh god, baby!"

"Ma…" the girl called as her mother hugged her tightly.

Her mother looked at Natasha again scanning her from head to toe, she saw the scar on Natasha's shoulder and a few ink of roses covering it. She was alarmed. Without a second, she turned to her child, "Let's go baby, I'm so sorry I let you out my sight. I'm so sor–"

Natasha could feel the tension in the air, and she didn't miss how the woman became alarmed as soon as she saw her shoulders. She tugged her shoulder bag to cover it, but it only blanketed half of it. "I mean no harm, here's her ice-crea–"

"Keep that." The mother glared at her, but her glare wasn't just anger, it was mixed with fear. She grabbed her child and quickly made their way out of Natasha's sight.

A pang of pain shot through Natasha, it was a stark reminder of the fear those scars could evoke in others. She had become accustomed to those kinds of reactions, but that didn't make it any less painful. Natasha tried to shake off the hurtful encounter.

There are rumors and stories circulated like whispers in the wind. Among them was a peculiar tale that claimed one could easily identify a member of a mob or even a mob boss by spotting a distinctive scar on their body. And Natasha has one, and she's also one; the mob boss herself.

"I never thought those tales are still around." Natasha was startled by the voice that brought her back to reality.

"Yeah, except it wasn't a tale." Natasha chuckled. It was Maria, her assistant.

"And you realized that ice-cream is dripping in your hand right?" Maria pointed to the ice-cream melting out of Natasha's hand.

"Oh shit," Natasha mumbled to herself, she quickly threw the ice-cream and wiped her hands with some tissue Maria handed her.

"You forgot this Nat." She handed Natasha's suit, and she quickly grabbed it.

Natasha wore the suit. She felt a weight lift off her shoulder, it was liberating to know that, at least in appearance, she could blend in with the crowd, offering a sense of little normalcy that might put others at ease. But still it pained her that she would never have a normal life like she always wanted, she always dreamed of having.

"Do you wanna grab lunch?" Natasha asks as she adjusted her clothing.

"Lunch would be great," Maria beamed with a smile.

"Let's go then." Natasha nodded.

Secrets Behind Our Dreams: Masterlist

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