#that's an unhealthy expectation that can put a strain on many relationships i think | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yoonpobs · 3 years

Text

bad boy good thing xiii.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 5, 635

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

hello friends!!! here is the next update :D i hope you enjoy the read! it's been a v long week for me so it's nice to just unwind hehe. thank you for the support & love you all!!!!

“Are you going to just … stare at me?” Jungkook clears his throat as his eyes dart anywhere but forward. It was less uncomfortable that way.

The two people in front of him don’t flatter him with an immediate response, instead; they stare him down harder until Jungkook can quite literally feel the stare of their eyes burning a hole into his forehead. He nearly shrinks into his seat, but he manages to pull a somewhat neutral expression even if he was on the verge of a meltdown.

“Maybe.” Jimin retorts snappishly.

Jungkook knew Jimin would be the pettier one between the two, but again; it’s not unwarranted. So he sucks it up like a big boy and nods his head slowly in understanding.

However, Taehyung was a different situation. His blank face was already intimidating as it is and Jungkook’s known him ever since the two of them were in middle school. More often than not people mistook him for cold and disinterested, whereas he usually just got lost in his thoughts.

But it’s obvious when Taehyung doesn’t like someone. He doesn’t put up a front to pretend that things are dandy and that he vibes with you. No, Taehyung’s blank face returns and it’s tenfold. But Jungkook knew it wasn’t just that, that resulted in the permanent vacant expression etched onto his expression—it’s paired with the fact that Jungkook’s an idiot and this is his punishment.

Jungkook knows better that Taehyung isn’t the type to take things head-on (like Jimin), but rather allow people to ruminate in their thoughts as he stares you down with a gaze so intense that it feels like he’s unpacking every single stray thought that passes by your mind. Jungkook is aware, but he’s never had to be on the receiving end of it.

“Are we going to, uh, order?” Jungkook asks, hands gripping the menu tightly.

Taehyung still stares, and Jimin narrows his eyes at the younger boy.

“You know ____ hasn’t arrived yet, right?” His tone is accusatory and Jungkook feels himself pale.

“I didn’t mean—okay,” He sighs in defeat, “We’ll wait.”

Jimin eyes him carefully before opting to skim through the menu. Jungkook knows it’s a front to not have to engage with him since they’ve frequented the same diner more than enough times for the waiters and waitresses to know their orders by heart. It’s been a while since they came here, and Jungkook knows that he’s partly to blame.

It sucks, sitting here in silence when he remembers that the three of them, you aside—used to engage in stupid banter and talked about the most random things like college boys do. They were his best friends, Jungkook grew up with them and he distinctly remembers always getting into trouble with the two boys until their parents only sighed every time they saw them returning home with guilty expressions ridden on their faces.

Now the banter is replaced with tense silence, but it doesn’t feel like it’s over. Jungkook hopes, at least.

Before Jungkook can say something else, he feels someone slip into the empty seat next to him.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Your voice is sweet and cheerful, and it’s nice to hear you like this again.

Jungkook looks up and sees you smiling at everyone, oblivious to the strained mood of the table before you came.

“Don’t apologise,” Taehyung says for the first time, offering you a small smile, “We were waiting for you, weren’t we?”

Jungkook stiffens, fully aware that it was directed to him. He wanted to lamely interject and say that it wasn’t what he meant, but he knew that Jimi would give him more shit for that anyway.

“You didn’t have to!” You exclaim.

Jungkook feels somewhat satisfied at the scowl that plagues Jimin’s expression, but it’s quickly covered with a beaming smile in your direction as he calls over a waiter.

“We know our orders, right?” Jimin asks.

You nod, smiling brightly; clearly excited to be here again.

And Jungkook feels nice, too. It’s nice being here, with the three of you—even if Jimin and Taehyung were still giving him the cold shoulder it was much better than pretending like everything was okay when it clearly wasn’t.

“It’s nice to be back,” You smile to yourself after the four of you order, and Jungkook can only agree.

Maybe it wasn’t so nice, after all.

Because the entire time, Jimin and Taehyung were dead-set on making Jungkook feel the guilt of his actions tenfold when they pick apart at every word he offers into the conversation.

“Have we not been here for that long? Even the interiors changed a little.”

“I don’t know, Jungkook. Who’s fault is that?” Jimin says off-handedly, unbothered to even cast him a glance.

“Wait, really? There’s a forum coming up?”

“Didn’t we all know? _____ is the one who organised it.” Surprisingly, this came from Taehyung.

“I’m stuffed.”

“With bullshit—?”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!”

Your voice is loud enough to silence the entire table and even causes a few other patrons to turn their heads in the direction of your table.

Jimin is blinking at you with wide eyes, as Taehyung only gapes at the decibel of your voice that he’s never heard from you before. Jungkook only presses himself against his seat, and subtly inches away from you.

But you turn your head towards him and shoot him a glare so venomous that he stiffens in position.

“Don’t you dare shift away from me, Jeon.” You warn threateningly.

Jungkook swallows, too stunned to move.

Then, you turn to face the two unblinking men.

“And you two,” You narrow your eyes at them menacingly, “I told you that I’d deal with this on my own so why are you the ones holding grudges?”

Jimin opens his mouth to respond, but Taehyung is nudging him with his elbows to shut up.

“I expected better from you!” You cry, “What are you guys, five? Or is that how many brain cells you have combined?” You scowl. They’re still blinking at you when you continue to fume. “No. I’m pretty sure it’s less than that because at the rate you’re acting I’m beginning to think that this fork better conversational skills than the three of you.” You hold up your utensil for good measure and the boys can only blink at you.

The last part is directed to everyone, and Jungkook can only listen to you rant as he presses himself against his seat.

“I just wanted to hang out like usual.” You flutter your eyes shut in annoyance, “I asked for one day—one day!” You exclaim, “Just to be with you guys because we haven’t done that in forever. And you couldn’t push aside whatever hostility you have towards Jungkook for this?”

You sound so disappointed, and your voice subdues out into a whisper when you glance at the table. Jimin and Taehyung had the decency to look guilty and apologetic when they realise that you were actually serious about it. Because rarely have you ever blown up, if not—ever.

“_____, we’re sorry—” Jimin begins.

“Are you?” You snap irritatedly, “I told you that I didn’t want to make things complicated and here you guys are—doing exactly that. I resolved whatever I had to with Jungkook, and let’s not pretend like he was the only one at fault here. The two of you are opening a closed book and it’s unnecessary. I just wanted to hang out with you guys and laugh about our balding lecturers, is that so much to ask for?”

“I think—” Jungkook begins, feeling slightly more confident to speak up after you’ve somewhat defended him, but the way you snap your head to him to send him a blazing look shut him up immediately.

“And don’t think you’re off the hook either,” You seethe, “Jimin and Taehyung have every right to be mad but they don’t have the right to ruin the atmosphere of our hangout right now. That doesn’t change the fact that you messed up.”

Your words are sharp, and his eyes widen when you scold him. It oddly feels like the three men were being lectured by a parent, and it’s not far off because you’ve always been the level headed one amongst the four of you anyway.

“I’m sorry, ____.” Jimin offers apologetically, but your ears are flushed for obvious reasons before you mutter an excuse to head to the bathroom.

When you storm off, the three men stare at each other unblinking for a few seconds before Taehyung breaks the silence.

“Listen,” He sighs, “Clearly, Jimin and I are pissed.”

Jungkook’s eye twitches, that’s an understatement.

“But, we have a right to be—like she said,” Taehyung continues. Jungkook doesn’t argue there, “But we care about her as much as you do, and we don’t want her to feel any more disappointed than what she had to feel for the past month. So we’ll drop it.”

“Why are you speaking on behalf of the both of you because I’m pretty sure hyung is staring at me like I’ve murdered ten kittens,” Jungkook mumbles under his breath, off-put by Jimin’s unwavering glare.

“He’s not far off.” Jimin retorts, then he sighs, relaxing his features ever so slightly to look at Jungkook with an expression much softer than what he’s received so far. “I’m disappointed in you, and I probably will be for a very long time. But … you’re still my best friend, and even if I feel like knocking you into every available surface I’m willing to push that desire aside if it means we can make ____ happy.”

Jungkook blinks.

“I …” He croaks, “I’m sorry, to the both of you. I messed up and … I really regret it.”

Taehyung offers a small smile, “You don’t have to apologise to us. It’s ___—”

“Yeah, I know.” He clears his throat. “But the two of you are my friends too and you’ve done nothing but guide me even if I acted like it annoyed me most of the times; I really appreciated the things you told me, even if I blatantly went against it.”

Jimin purses his lips, staring hard at the boy.

“I want us to be okay too, as much as I patched things up with her; you guys are my best friends as well,” Jungkook says softly.

“If ____ forgives you then …” Jimin mutters, though Jungkook can tell it comes from a good place. “I guess I can work with that.”

It’s something, Jungkook thinks.

But then you’re still not back and the three men look at each other in worry.

“I’ll go get her,” Jungkook declares, but before he can push himself up—Taehyung is stopping him with a hand and a cock of his head.

“I’ll do it.”

And when he leaves to get you, Jungkook and Jimin are left in a mini stare off, the awkward atmosphere still tense enough. Not until Jimin gestures to his face.

“Your cheek …”

Jungkook sighs.

“You know there are people who need to pee too, right?” Taehyung hums outside the cubicle. He’s sure you’re in there because he spots your sneakers through the slit, and he’s lucky enough he can because he wasn’t sure how else he’d explain him leaning outside a stall while he talks to it.

You stay silent, dabbing at your eyes with the tissue you brought in. You feel a little stupid for crying about it but you hated the atmosphere out there. It was weird and awkward and the four of you never had moments like that. You always had things to talk about or even just to laugh at each other. The silence and glares were suffocating, and you couldn’t help but feel like it was all your fault.

“I’m going to piss on the floor if you don’t open the door.” Taehyung threatens in a bored tone.

You sniff, loud enough for him to hear as you roll your eyes at his ultimatum.

“Don’t think I won’t do it, _____.” He warns, and you hear fabric rustling that has your eyes widening.

“Don’t pee on the damn floor!” You hiss.

“Then open the door.” Taehyung retorts smartly.

You scowl, glancing into the mirror one last time to ensure that your eyes weren’t as red as you hoped they to be. It comes to no avail because your eyes are puffy enough to tell him that you’ve been crying, and you knew that you couldn’t lie your way through it.

“I’m giving you five more seconds,” He calls, “Five … four … three … two—I’m about to piss—!”

You unlock the door and pull it open, and greet Taehyung with a vehement glare of your own as he smiles down at you, but only for a bit until he notices the puffiness of your eyes and the pout of your lips.

“You know it’s kind of depressing if you lock yourself up in the cubicle of a diner to cry.” He says softly, arms reaching out to bring you into an embrace.

You don’t fight him, even if you don’t make an effort to hug him back. You were sulking.

“Well that’s what happens when your best friends are acting like assholes.” You snap back in a sniffle.

He sighs, patting your head gently as he forces your arm around his waist; shooting you a stern glare that you roll your eyes at.

“You know we’re looking out for you.” He chides gently, and you feel very much like a petulant child when you huff at his response.

“I just wanted to hang out with you guys without things being weird.” You mumble against his chest.

“I know.” He hums.

“But you had to make it weird.” You complain. “What are you? A social justice warrior? I told you I could deal with it on my own.”

Taehyung chuckles, squeezing you a little tighter as you scowl into his shirt. You knew you were being a little dramatic but you didn’t want the dynamics of the group to shift just because of the situation you got yourself in with Jungkook. Even if you were in love with him and he was … in love with you. Your friendship with the three of them meant the absolute world to you.

“I’m sorry,” He apologises, pulling away slightly to look at you with sincere eyes.

You look away and sulk.

He sighs, knowing that it would be much harder to get you to feel better than just an apology.

��Look, I’ll lay it off and I’ll make sure Jimin doesn’t overstep either. Promise.” He offers with a smile.

You look at him with tentative eyes as you raise a brow at him.

“Isn’t Jimin with Kook right now?”

Taehyung opens his mouths, then closes, before he wraps an arm around your shoulder to tug you closer into his grasp.

“After this. I make no promises that Jimin hasn’t caused bodily harm on Jungkook in the meantime.” He says.

You snort, picturing Jungkook cowering or at least avoiding Jimin’s eyes now that they were alone. You knew that the bruise on Jungkook’s cheek was Jimin’s doing, and while you already talked his ear off for that, you appreciated the gesture. Even if it did look like it hurt like a bitch.

“I just want things to go back to normal.” You mumble, fiddling with your thumbs.

Taehyung nods his head and sighs.

“It will. We’re okay. You’re okay. We’ll be okay.” He comforts you with a soothing tone.

You nibble on your lips, “I guess …”

Taehyung stops in his tracks as he was about to bring you back out when you mumble those words so softly he nearly misses them.

“You guess …? Is there something—?”

“I just,” You sigh, “Jungkook and I spoke and we … cleared things up. But it’s still … it still sucks.” You finish lamely.

Taehyung gives you a sad smile before turning you around so that he can grab onto your shoulders.

“What he said doesn’t define you. And I know for a fact that he’s beating himself up over it. It sucks because he’s your best friend and he was the one that said those things to you. But none of that is true because you’re the most interesting, smart and best girl I know.” He smiles at you, even when you flush and look away.

“Stop …” You whine, avoiding his gaze and you hear him chuckle.

“Jungkook’s dumb. He’s our friend, but he’s dumb.” Taehyung snickers.

You roll your eyes but a smile teases the corner of your lips.

“It’s not just that …” You mumble softly, pink dusting your cheeks. “I told him that I was in love with him.”

At this, Taehyung quite literally chokes on his breath.

“You—what?!”

You scowl, “God, you don’t have to be so loud.” You thwack his chest and even as he winces he still has a stupefied expression on his face.

“You … love … what?” He blinks, “What the hell did I miss? Does anyone else know? When did this happen?”

You huff, “Look, that isn’t … important. Not now, at least. I told him that I needed time to sort things out myself and … yeah.” You murmur softly.

You know Taehyung wants to press further, but he doesn’t do that because your demeanour says to drop it. He sighs, pulling you into his embrace once more before he gives you an easy smile.

“Take all the time you need, okay?” He reassures you softly, and somehow it does feel a little better.

“Were the extra ten laps really necessary?” Jungkook pants, hands falling onto his knees just as he completes the last God forsaken round.

“I don’t know. Were they?” Namjoon hums, opting to skim over Jungkook’s hunched figure with a shrug.

“You’re holding a grudge on me,” Jungkook says in a tone of disbelief.

Namjoon shoots the younger boy an unimpressed look.

“Am I?” He returns, and Jungkook already feels the incoming headache approaching.

“Look, I get Jimin and Tae because the two would literally die for her … but you?” Jungkook exasperates.

Namjoon sighs, clicking the pen in his grasp before shoving it into his back pockets. By no means was Namjoon unnecessarily intimidating, because besides the fact that he towered over most people and frequented the gym as his second home; he was a decent guy and great company.

That, and he never imposed his authority as the captain of the football team onto any of the footballers, or his peers, which made him all the more approachable and likeable. Jungkook had nothing against him, but after finding out that he too had feelings for you; he’s bound to view the older boy differently.

“Jungkook, I already told you—you’re my friend and I like you.” He deadpans, “But you’re also an idiot so you’ll pay for being one. It’s really that simple.”

Jungkook narrows his eyes, “And this has nothing to do with your feelings for her?”

Namjoon snorts, waving him off as the rest of the footballers come pooling out of the changing rooms.

“I think you’re projecting a little,” He snickers and ignores the look of disbelief that covers Jungkook’s face when the footballers start gathering around the two.

“He made you run an extra lap?” Jimin snickers.

Namjoon hears this and smiles, “Ten.” He corrects.

Taehyung lets out a low whistle before patting his sullen-looking younger friend on the back while he scowls. Jungkook couldn’t say anything because he’s aware enough to know that his mouth was the one thing that got him into most of the trouble he’s ever got himself into. So he swallows his pride and wipes his sweat, even pretends to smile tightly at Jeonghan when he asks why.

The practice is brutal, well; for Jungkook at least.

Jungkook knew that Namjoon was a strict but reasonable person by nature; and to a certain extent, petty. The only reason he knew was because of his feelings for you and that irked him. But he didn’t know how far Namjoon was willing to go just to prove a point, to you or to Jungkook; he wasn’t quite sure.

But Jungkook’s pride gets the better of him when he waves off concerned stares from the rest of his members. Even Jimin looked mildly worried when Jungkook was required to do an extra circuit or two just because his form looked ‘off’.

Jungkook’s form hadn’t looked off since high school.

And that’s how you find him, splayed out on the ground as he pants for air and stares up at the sky as if he was waiting for God to pick him up.

“Why are you on the ground?” He hears you before he sees you.

And when he opens his eyes, it’s like he’s seeing an angel. He’s half-convinced that he’s died and gone to heaven because your confused face is peering down at him from above.

“I think I’m dead.” He wheezes.

You roll your eyes, immediately squatting next to him before you shuffle through your bag to take something out.

Jungkook can’t even be bothered to ask what it was, but only when you press the object against his forehead and he feels the cool touch of a cold bottle; he ironically melts into the feeling.

“Here.” You thrust the bottle to him.

“God I lo—” Jungkook’s out of it, but not that out of it to let it slip.

You seem to notice, and your ears flush at the near slip-up. Jungkook clears his throat before attempting to sit up, head spinning at the suddenness of his actions.

“Thank you,” He rectifies his mistake immediately, offering you a meek smile.

The sheepish smile you return him with is enough. And he misses you even if you’re right in front of him; because things had been off for so long and having you back … even if you weren’t his, felt better than ever.

But Jungkook’s never pined for anyone else besides you, and it’s tiring. Yet, when you smile at him it feels like it’s worth it.

“Are you checking up on the corpse?” A voice interrupts Jungkook’s dazed expression when he stares at you for a second too long.

He turns his head and sees the cause of the numbness in his legs.

Namjoon is all smiles when he jogs over, Jimin and Taehyung following closely behind as they snicker at the interaction.

“You didn’t have to be so mean.” You pout up at the taller man, standing up as you only reach the height of his shoulders. It would’ve been cute to Jungkook if Namjoon didn’t look so taken with you.

“Someone’s gotta take care of things for you,” He jokes, ruffling your hair.

Things have been going better enough for people to poke fun at Jungkook, and even if he flushes at any mention of what happened—he knows that he’s got to deal with the consequences.

He didn’t know that the extra touchiness from Namjoon’s end was one of them.

“Never thought I’d see the day the great Jeon fall.” Jimin snorts.

You raise an eyebrow.

“What?” He shrugs, “He’s always telling us hyungs that he could one-up all of us with his eyes closed.”

Taehyung nods while Namjoon only chuckles at the statement.

“Not saying that you deserve it but you deserve it, man.” Taehyung laments.

Jungkook scowls from where he sits on the grass, but you’re nice as always when you reach a hand out for him to grab.

He stares at it, struck again by your kindness. And when he looks up the evening sunset flares behind you and you looked like a painting in a museum.

“Wow.” Jungkook blurts.

He didn’t mean to, and everyone caught on his stupefied expression.

“All right,” Namjoon rolls his eyes, tugging Jungkook up himself as the younger boy scowls at the moment being ruined. “Up, loverboy.”

You huff, turning on your heels to hide the way your cheeks had turned red when you noticed Jungkook’s gaze lingering longer than it should.

Taehyung and Jimin shoot each other a look, one that goes missing from you and the two other men. In fact, Jungkook shoots Namjoon a glare that he blissfully ignores in spite of trailing behind you, taking advantage of the fact that Jungkook’s legs are too wobbly to catch up.

“What the—?”

“Hurry up, Jeon. Yena’s waiting and you know how she gets when people are late!” Namjoon calls over his shoulder, before offering you a dimpled grin and grabbing your bag to alleviate the strain on your shoulder.

Jungkook knows that things are better and he’s damn grateful he’s able to be around you without watching over his words anymore. But the childish and immature side of him turns green when he sees the shy smile you return Namjoon.

He knows, that you feel the same way. But somehow his mind overthinks it and asks: what if?

“You look constipated,” Taehyung mumbles off-handedly, clasping a hand to his back when Jungkook stays rooted in position.

“Deserved,” Jimin says.

Jungkook scowls, dejectedly following close by as the five of you walk out of the field.

“That was absolutely uncomfortable.” Yena declares the moment she steps foot into your apartment.

You scowl.

“It wasn’t that bad …” You mumble.

Yena flops herself onto your couch and raises an eyebrow as if to say really.

“Listen I know you and Jeon exchanged vows and a dowry the other day but Namjoon is definitely a close contender. I swear I saw him whipping out a pen mid-meal to write you a love poem.”

You groan, flopping face forward as you stuff your scream into your cushion.

“Why me?” You cry.

You can feel Yena rolling her eyes behind you.

“Oh boo-hoo, your life is so hard. Two hot beefy men are in love with you, wow—things must be so difficult. Would you like a free pass in a therapy session?” She mocks pouts at you when you lift your head to glare up at her.

“They are not …” You remember what Jungkook said and you clear your throat, “… Namjoon isn’t …”

Yena scoffs.

“Well he’s definitely breaking ten different traffic laws to get there.” She retorts.

You slump back into your couch as you stare up at the ceiling.

“I thought things would get better.”

Yena shuffles until she’s settled comfortably next to you, “Are things … not?” She asks carefully.

You sigh, fiddling with the edge of your cushion.

“They are, don’t get me wrong.” You say softly, “It’s just that … I know Joon has feelings for me, and I know … I mean Jungkook is Jungkook,” You explain lamely and Yena awaits your continuation patiently. “I’m not stupid. I’m pretty sure they’re both aware of their feelings, and Jimin and Taehyung are just the bystanders witnessing shit hit the fan. And I’m … well, I’m there.”

“You mean you’re the main character.” She interjects.

You scowl, chucking the cushion at her as she dodges with a cackle.

“Things are better but they’re still weird.” You mumble.

Yena sighs, nodding understandingly as she pats your head softly.

“But you said you needed time, right? To figure things out on your own?” She asks.

You nod your head.

“Yeah,” You breathe, “I do. I mean, I know what I feel and I’ve felt this way for a long time. The only person I’ve ever … loved … is Jungkook. But I don’t know if that’s a byproduct of proximity and familiarity or because he was the only person that I’ve ever … you know.” You gesture your hands ambiguously but Yena gets the point.

“I understand.” She nods, “But things won’t be easy, not at first at least. It’s weird, I know. Going from your best friend to a potential lover, a stranger to a man who’s willing to put his star quarterback on the line and two best friends who are well—they’ve always been overbearing but they’re there.” She ends with a roll of her eyes.

Your face crumbles, “Why are things so complicated?” You cry, leaning onto her shoulder as she sighs and rubs a finger over your shoulder.

“You’ve got all the time in the world. You don’t owe anyone anything, remember that okay?” She hums softly.

“Just because you stare at them long enough doesn’t mean you suddenly get telepathic abilities.” Jimin snorts.

It’s been fifteen minutes since Jungkook’s stepped into the library, courtesy of Jimin who wanted to study for an upcoming test with him. It’s a step towards mending their friendship, and Jungkook is immensely grateful; so he didn’t think twice before responding to Jimin that he’d be their stat.

But he remembers that Jimin is cunning, not maliciously, but very impertinently. He was smart and sly all at once, and while he didn’t explicitly state anything—the timing seemed all too perfect for it to be purely a coincidence.

“Not staring,” Jungkook mutters.

Yet, his eyes remain trained on your figure.

Jungkook’s always had issues with envy, ever since he was younger. If someone made the cut before he did, he’d internally curse them out in his head and work ten times as hard out of spite. It’s somewhat toxic, but it allowed him to outdo himself every single time he felt that familiar green eyes emotion. He’s also no stranger to jealousy, and he’s remembered feeling the very same feeling he’s feeling now multiple times throughout his life, all for similar reasons.

You.

It wasn’t just because you were great at everything you did, excelling in your academics and extra-curricular, making students and superiors around you impressed with your work ethic. You were never ordinary; in fact, all you did in your life was outdo yourself in every single aspect and Jungkook always admired and envied that. It always made him feel like you were in two different worlds, where Jungkook had to work twice as hard compared to anyone else to achieve peak efficiency while you seemed to breeze by the things that you did.

Even when the two of you were in high school, he’d always fantasise what it would be like to be with you, to kiss you and to hold your hand or call you his. But he’s never thought you’d ever see him that way because all you’ve ever alluded to was him being nothing but a friend, a younger boy who had the stars in his eyes. If only you knew that it was a reflection of your face.

And the feeling is all too familiar, even when he first came to college and remembered seeing you interact with different guys that all seemed like they were taken with you. How could they not be? You were soft, sweet, kind and understanding—never the type to impose yourself or make others feel uncomfortable. You were a perfect combination of soft and relentless, the mixture of your best qualities and it seemed like Jungkook wasn’t the only person who saw that.

And he knew, he knew that you’d never lie to him, explicitly at least, or about things that mattered. So he doesn’t count your feelings, but it’s frustrating to have you right there but not at all. Especially when he recognises the look on Namjoon’s face intimately when he looks at you, bodies pressed adjacently in a booth in the library.

“You knew, didn’t you?” Jungkook scowls.

Jimin blinks innocently at his friend before a cheeky smile appears on his face, his hands pausing in between the sheets of his textbook.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He feigns innocence.

Jungkook rolls his eyes, further slumping in his chair before he forces himself to tear his wandering eyes away from you.

“What a way to rekindle a friendship …” He mutters dryly.

Jimin stares at Jungkook pointedly, “Hey, the library is open to all students. Don’t go pointing fingers at me.”

“Jimin, I literally suggested we head to an overnight cafe and you said if I wanted to fix us then I had to listen to you,” Jungkook says dryly, “And I quote—or else.”

“Okay, maybe I may have been projecting a little—”

“Jimin …” He groans.

“But look, it’s not the end of the world so don’t go ahead and get your panties in a twist, all right?” Jimin snorts, “Just 'cause she’s over there with Mr Beefy doesn’t mean you’re out of the race. Let’s just say you’re sporting a broken foot.”

Jungkook only responds with a bland look.

“That doesn’t—”

“—and a dislocated knee. Maybe a torn hamstring?” Jimin ponders like the details actually mattered. “Yeah, a pulled hamstring. A torn ACL too for a kick. And you know who’s fault all of that was?”

Jungkook sighs, “Yes, Jimin, I know. It’s me—”

“No. It’s me. Because I’m planning on dragging this out as far as I can even if you and she made amends. You fucked with someone I cared about and this is how I hold you accountable. I’m going to draw out every lone interaction she shares with Joon and make you watch it like the porn you consume in an unhealthy amount. I’ll make it so that all you’ll see when you close your eyes is the way hyung looks at her and how you can’t do anything but watch.”

Jimin says all of that in one go and with an unblinking stare. If Jimin was looking for a reaction, he definitely got one because Jungkook is gawking at him with a disturbed expression at how utterly menacing he looks.

“You’re fucking terrifying,” He exhales.

“And you’re a little shit,” Jimin returns with a huff. His eyes dart behind Jungkook for a second before his smile is expression is replaced with an evil grin, “Oh, look at that. He’s brushing her hair back—how cute.” He coos.

Jungkook groans, sinking into his chair when Jimin snickers.

622 notes · View notes

animeyanderelover · 3 years

Note

Hello A-Chan, this is my first time requesting ever, but I was really hooked onto your blog so I thought I’d give it a shot! Could you do prompt 46 with Asura from Naruto? Also, how are you doing?

I love Asura, not gonna lie. I love such guys a lot. I would say regarding boys that is my type. I would like to say that I'm fine, but I am nervous as hell for next week since it'll be one exam after another

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, delusions, clinginess, slight angst, paranoia

Prompt 46: “Can I...can I kiss you?”

There were days where you had seen Asura being discouraged, where you had seen him being partially down, disappointed from everyone only seeing his brother as worthy and him as more of an airhead. There had been days where you had witnessed that he as well had his moments of sadness and regret.

But right now this was something completely different, something much more serious than what you had witnessed so far. But could you blame him? After all that had happened the last few days? After Indra’s betrayal? And after Asura had been made the next leader? He was currently carrying a lot of responsibility and sorrow on his shoulder and due to his stubbornness to put his own problems over the ones of the villagers he was brewing everything in himself together, keeping everything for himself. Maybe because he didn’t want to discourage the villagers by letting them see that their leader was currently having his own problems and maybe also because he didn’t want to risk his brother risking the chance to attack again.

His brother was almost like an invisible weapon hanging tight over everyone’s head, no one knew when he would come again which made everyone extremely uneasy. That was why Asura refused to give himself some rest, refused to show his feelings too openly. He was the hope for everyone and if he would crumble, they would slightly panic and he didn’t want everyone worrying over him.

But you were his spouse, you had the right to know such things and since you knew him better than many others, since the youngest childhood days, he didn’t feel the need to hide anything from you. Even if he did, you could tell if he was lying or not and whenever you started consoling him, he ended up breaking a bit down in front of you to reveal his vulnerable feelings and all the pain and doubts he was hiding under all of his happiness and joy. He was a human as well and you didn’t expect him to be all the time positive. Of course it was nothing bad, it was a good thing he was the way he was. Maybe he was sometimes just a bit...inexhaustible. But you had learned to endure him and all his clinginess and his sometimes too sweet behavior.

But it was rare for him to be seen whilst being distraught or radiating off sadness and disappointment. But that was what you had found him like when you had woken up in the middle of the night in bed, with him having positioned himself so that his head had been burried in your hair, arms having wrapped themselves tightly around your form so you could not escape with a tight grip that gave you the feeling that he was silently begging for comfort and his breath being slightly erratic. It was not the first time you had seen him being like this, it happened every once in a while, but since he had pleaded you to not tell anyone, you had kept quiet about it. Only his father knew.

“Was it about Indra again?”, you asked him, turning your body a bit so your back was now laying on the mattress and so that you could face him a bit better. He did not answer instantly, but he nodded after a while, a untypical depressed look in his eyes. He looked exhausted and tired, and you didn’t mean because he had woken up late at night, but because right now he was done with all that had happened, all the piled up feelings getting to him. Those nightmares of him were one of those things that had happened only a while after his brother had left and nearly killed everyone and Hagoromo had told you that this might be a result from all the stress and the loss of his older brother whom Asura had cared for very much.

“Do you want to tell me about it? Was there anything different this time?”, you continued to talk to him, running your fingers a bit through his brown hair in order to calm him down. “You know you can tell me everything. I’m here Asura, I’ll always be.”

Mentioning it seemed to bring back unpleasant memories judging from the way his body went suddenly a bit rigid, muscles tensing up. Something had definitely happened to him. “Take your time. You can tell me or don’t, I’m fine with both. Whatever you feel most comfortable with.”

“He-he...” Asura did not even want to speak it out loud, struggling with his words which he couldn’t piece together in that one moment, mind being too much in chaos from the dream he just had to think normally just yet.

You had patience though, you knew no one had been more shattered from the recent events than Asura had. Of course you had been close to Indra too, though you now were sure he didn’t think of you as a friend anymore, looking back on how he had launched at you back then, knowing how much you meant to his brother. And it had been one of the very few times Asura had truly been infuriated with him, a temporarily darker look having crossed his face and for a few moments he had attacked with his brute strength as well which had even shocked his brother and had turned out to be the one moment where Asura had managed to finish him off with the help of the others.

“He killed you. He killed you and I couldn’t do anything against it. All I could do was watching you die.” His voice was trembling a bit. It might have been only a dream, but it seemed to mess with Asura still pretty badly, maybe because he knew that this might have really happened and might happen again with Indra’s current plan and whereabouts unknown was taking it’s toll on him as well.

“It’s fine Asura. It was only a dream. I am still here, aren’t I?”, you tried to cheer him up a bit. He didn’t look so sure when he looked up, though a small smile graced his features when he saw you looking slightly concerned down at him. “Your hair looks quite funny.”

With your free hand you twirled a strain of your hand in your hand before shrugging with your shoulders and letting go of it again. “I just woke up so you can’t exactly expect me to look like I just came out of a full dress-up. Also, for someone who is currently wanting my comfort so badly, you don’t exactly use the right methods.”, you teased slightly playfully, nudging him slightly.

“I still think even with this kind of hairstyle you look stunning. For me you always look stunning, no matter what.”

You scoffed a bit, trying to hide the fact that you were flattered by him and his charm, though it was a good sign that he was getting so flirty with you again, it meant he was starting to feel better.

“Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve someone as pretty and great as you. You were always there for me, no matter what.”, he mumbled, placing the one hand who was still playing with his hair over yours and guiding it to his face and letting it rest on his cheek, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“Well, we did promise when we were you get we would marry each other, didn’t we? Though I remember that I rejected at first and you constantly trailed behind me and continued to propose to me at least once a day. You always plucked flowers or tried to cook something for me in hopes to charm me.”, you answered, giggling a bit when remembering all those times he had asked you to marry him like some lovesick fool, though he had stayed that way the complete time, the only difference now was that you were married to that man. Asura had never given up once, no matter how much you had rejected him as a child. It had helped him reaching your heart with his ambition and the fact that he had never given up once.

“I know, I probably was a bit annoying back then. But I just knew from all the way back then that you were the person I wanted to marry. Thank you for saying yes and marrying me. Thank you for being with me.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. As I said, I’ll be here for you. Always. Also, please stop talking like this. You’re embarrassing me.” He was currently being a bit too much of a romantic talker for your taste, making you flustered despite having been attacked by this more than anyone else had.

Your reply made Asura grin a bit, sitting slowly up to meet you face to face, the previous look of fear having succumbed a bit, warmth having returned to them. “Thank you for helping me. I feel a lot better now.”, he told you, pressing his forehead against yours.

“I don’t like when you’re sad. But I’m also glad you do try to hide it from me do I can help you to start with. But Asura,”, you gave him a serious look,”please keep in mind that Indra leaving us was not your fault. It was his own decision and no one could have stopped him from going, even if we would have knocked him out and dragged him back. Understood?”

He glanced for a short moment away, hesitation filling his expression for a short moment before he sighed a bit. “That is easier said than done. I still feel like I could have done more. But you’re right, I don’t believe that I could have stopped him, no matter what I might have tried. Next to that he tried to destroy the village and to kill you.” For a millisecond you thought his expression darkened again, though it was hard to tell since it was not that easy to see him properly whilst it was night.

But it was rather quickly gone and from the way he kept glancing at your lips, you forgot rather quickly about that.

“Can I...can I kiss you?”

“We’re married silly. So why even asking? We’ve kissed before.”, you scoffed.

Asura was a bit taken aback when hearing you say this before scratching his neck embarrassed. “No reason to sound so harsh.”, he replied sheepishly before leaning closer and locking his warm pair of lips with you, loosening up a lot by doing so, feeling new energy flowing through him.

“Better now?”, you asked slightly amused afterwards. Asura nodded, grinning the usual bright way he always did. “Great, then let’s go back to sleep. It’s still late at night.”, you grumbled, finally letting the tiredness getting the better of you and sliding down into the blankets, soon being accompanied by Asura who seemed different from you more awake, something still on his mind.

“You know, I still hope that my brother will eventually come back to his senses and return to the village though I don’t think he will. But if he should ever try to hurt you again like he did the last time despite you having been one of his best friends...I won’t spare him just because he is my brother. I won’t let him hurt you.”

#yandere naruto #yandere naruto shippuden #yandere asura #yandere asura otsutsuki

58 notes · View notes

foilfreak · 3 years

Text

Beauty and Her Beast: Chapter 7 (aka the ‘big boobie vampire mommy’ and ’mutant servant girl that is very horny for her’ chapter)

WARNING PLZ READ BEFORE CONTINUING: This fic is rated NSFW and contains graphic depictions of things some people may find disturbing or alarming, including, but not limited to: violence, gore, unhealthy family relationships, Oedipus complexes, gratuitous amount of pornographic literature, ableist language, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, etc. If you are someone who does not enjoy fiction with these elements in them, then I suggest you refrain from reading this, because this fic will have all that, and probably a lot more. So, this is your first and final warning to turn around and go somewhere else if stuff like this just isn't your vibe, because from this point forward, your emotional wellbeing is in your own hands, and I will not be accepting blame if you disregarded my warnings and ended up reading something you didn't like. Idk why I feel compelled to write one of these despite this being Resident Evil fanfic, but I figured I'd cover my ass just in case.

(AO3 link below:)

“Good evening, sir. Is there something I can assist you with, tonight? It’s quite late, and my mistress has already retired for the evening due to the strenuous nature of today’s events, so while I’m sure the good Lady Dimitrescu won’t be too terribly displeased if you’ve come with urgent news that requires her immediate attention, I’m afraid anything outside the realm of absolute importance will have to wait until morning, when my mistress will be better rested and therefore better able to address whatever concern you’ve brought” The low and smooth voice of an older teenage girl said, staring slightly downward at Salvatore with a level of such blank indifference that he would have wondered if the girl hadn’t seen him had she not outright greeted him upon opening the door.

With piercing red eyes, dark skin and long, black curls tied up neatly and carefully into two thick buns on either side of the top of her head, and dressed in a pretty, but still practical dress, the older teen looked every bit as much the role of a dignified estate’s head servant as she acted, right down to the pencil straight stiffness of her body. Despite how uncomfortable the stiff position looked to Salvatore, the subtly bold way she carried herself did give the older teen an air of confidence and reliability, however what it didn’t do was answer the multitude of questions flying around in Salvatore’s head about who she was, and more importantly, where she came from.

And then it hit him.

“Y-you’re… Alcina’s g-gift… aren’t y-you?” Salvatore asks aloud, though seemingly more to himself than the girl standing in front of him. Said girl furrows her brows in confusion for a moment before huffing in, what appeared to be, mild offense. Though what on earth Salvatore could have done to offend the young teen, he had absolutely no idea.

“I have no idea what you mean when talking about these so called “gifts”, however I think it's important for you to know that I am a very busy woman with a great many things to do, so if this is all some kind of sick game you’re playing to waste my time then I’m going to have to politely ask that you take your rotten whale behind and go throw yourself into the nearest body of-”

“Anastasia?” a low, feminine voice booms from somewhere behind the older teen standing before him. The girl immediately stiffens, her skin around her nose and cheeks darkening even further, her eyes growing wide and her breath catching in her throat as she turns around. Immediately abandoning Salvatore at the still open front door, the young servant clumsily made her way further into the room before disappearing out of the narrow view the hooded man had been given of the castle through the crack in the door.

Taking a step forward and opening the door enough to slip inside, making sure to close it securely behind him, Salvatore lingered along the walls of the room, merely observing the events before him unfold as the young girl, Anastasia, quickly moved to stand in the center of the circular design on the floor of the entrance hall. Waiting for her on the landing at the top of the stairs was none other than the lady of the house herself, Alcina Dimitrescu, standing as tall, proud, and intimidating as Salvatore last remembers, though it would appear that the disfigured man’s fear of the much larger woman was not shared amongst everyone in the room.

“Y-yes Lady Dimitrescu! Is there something I can do for you this evening, my Lady?” Anastasia asks, hands clasped together in front of her and eyes blown wide at the gargantuan woman leering from above, like a lovesick puppy dog waiting for a command from its beloved owner. Eager to perform. Eager to please.

“Why yes, my sweet, I was just wondering what on earth all that racket was and if it could wait until morning to be finished? The girls and I have had quite the taxing day and I do so wish to retire to the sound of peace and quiet” Alcina coos warmly, causing Salvatore to pause in confusion.

“Oh goodness, I apologize, mistress. It’s just that there was a visitor at the door and despite my repeated attempts to convince him to come back when you were rested, he insisted upon making a nuisance of himself. Please forgive me if my attempts to preserve your restful evening were for naught” the girl said sadly, bowing deeply in apology as she continued to speak.

Alcina practically purrs in delight at the teen’s polite, but genuine behavior. “Fear not, my dear, I had only just taken off my earrings when I heard the commotion. I came out here merely to see if things were getting out of control, but it would appear as though you’ve handled things perfectly.”

The girlish blush on Anastasia’s face only darkens in color as the young teen casts her adoring gaze to the floor, joyous glee from having been praised by her mistress evident all over the younger girl’s body.

Not wanting to stay here any longer than absolutely necessary, especially if this is what he’d have to witness the whole time, Salvatore gathers all of his strength and uses it to clear his throat and take a step forward, revealing himself to both women as he gingerly comes out into the light.

“YOU!” Anastasia yells, immediately turning on her heel and making a beeline toward the increasingly anxious Salvatore. “So not only have you made enough of a nuisance of yourself to disturb the lovely Lady Dimitrescu just as she’s about to retire and rest from a very long and taxing day, but now you’ve decided that you’re so above everyone else that you can just waltz right into someone else’s home without even the slightest hint of respect or admiration for the incredible woman living in it, how dare you be so crash and selfish you overcooked blowfish, exit this castle immediately, or I’ll shove my boot so far up your rear end you’ll be fishing around for it for weeks you-”

“Anastasia, calm yourself, dear” the loud, but calming sound of Alcina’s voice said, causing the young teen to pause in her angry scolding of Salvatore.

“My Lady?” The young teen asks, dutifully awaiting orders.

“Let the wretched man inside, he’s the furthest thing from a threat to us, even if he is an annoying little manthing. Although, I’d be lying if I said a visit from you at this hour of night is something I’ve come to expect of you, dearest elder brother.”

The disfigured man swallowed thickly as he stepped past Anastasia to fully face his other younger sister, who looked all the more intimidating from her looming perch upon the upper story.

“I-I know this is s-sudden…” Salvatore begins, hoping he’d at least be able to explain himself before Alcina tossed him back outside on his ass.

“I’ll certainly say” Anastasia bursts in angrily, but she’s quickly silenced and sent away to tend to her other duties by Alcina, who motions for Salvatore to ascend the large set of stairs leading up to the rest of the castle and join her on the landing for a moment.

“Spunky little thing, isn’t she?” Alcina says when Salvatore finally makes it to the top of the stairs, panting slightly as he follows the much taller mutant’s gaze to the door that Anastasia had just exited the room from.

“Th-that’s certainly… one way… o-of putting it” Salvatore stutters, not wanting to offend Alcina by calling her servant rude, but clearly not seeing what’s so great about someone who just yells at you a lot the second you walk through the door.

“Yes! She apparently received a strain of cadou that was quite similar to mine, however her need to consume blood to maintain herself is far more similar to that of leeches. Rather than having to consume it regularly in smaller doses, like myself, she’ll only require one feeding every few weeks or so, which I thought was quite interesting. The only issues Mother Miranda brought up was the fact that her hunger, if it gets bad enough, can trigger both her transformation, as well as some sort of feral and animalistic meltdown that only ends once she’s finally had her fill. Apparently more than a few villagers were lost in the process of learning this information” Alcina comments casually, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Mother only brought her over earlier today, just before dinner, and yet she’s already managed to carve quite the little space for herself here. I hadn’t realized how dirty this place was without any girls left to take from the village until she went through and washed all the walls in the west wing spotless. It was like night and day, I could hardly believe how open and bright the halls looked” Alcina stated.

“W-wow… so th-then… d-do you think y-you’ll keep her a-around… long term?” Salvatore asks curiously, craning his neck so he could get a better look at his sister’s face.

“Perhaps. I’m certainly thinking about it. Not only is she an incredibly hard and fast worker, but she’s also got such a lovely spark of energy and excitement to her, and she’s always very polite and respectful, if a bit obvious in her “admiration” of those she looks up to… not that that’s a bad thing, necessarily. It’s quite sweet, actually!”

“S-she did look… q-quite taken… by y-you” Salvatore comments, having noticed the girl’s far-too-eager-to-be-innocent disposition when Alcina was in the room, vs. when it was just him. Not that it was a terribly surprising turn of events. Alcina, for all her monstrous height and sheer mutant bulk, was still a very beautiful, and very desirable woman at the end of the day, meanwhile Salvatore was only about 2 rolls of the genetic dice away from sharing a more recent common ancestor with the blobfish than he did humans.

“I know, isn’t she adorable? She came exactly like this, too. Mother Miranda has no idea if this is a result of the mutation process or if it's merely her former personality finally returning now that she’s awake and out of containment, but I suppose the logistics of things aren’t really important in the end. I'm so glad I chose her over the other two, I don’t know what I would have done had such a promising and delectable little morsel like her go to waste on the rest of you imbeciles” Alcina coos in amusement. “Regardless of what Mother Miranda said however, I was almost certain this whole “gift” situation was going to be nothing more than a pile of useless drivel that I’d be left to clean up all on my own once the novelty wore off, however after having Anastasia here for these past few hours, and seeing all that she’s willing and capable of doing, I’m beginning to wonder if perhaps I’d been too hasty in my final decision.”

“Funny… K-Karl thought m-much the… th-the same thing i-initially… w-when I t-talked to him… th-the other day… th-though… knowing him… I doubt h-he’s having q-quite as much… of a ch-change of heart… as you a-are” Salvatore said suddenly, more than anything due to the incredible shock that was the concept of Alcina and Karl sharing a similar opinion, at the same time, while both occupying the same dimension of reality.

Alcina’s face immediately turns sour at the mention of Karl. “Oh, did he now? That’s an unfortunate thing to learn,” she says in annoyance, clearly displeased by the notion of agreeing with Karl on anything.

“Y-yes… he… he th-thinks that maybe… M-Mother might b-be using the g-gifts… to d-distract us w-while she’s g-gone away… o-on her mission… b-but that maybe… sh-she also wants… s-something else out of a-all this… something… th-that she isn’t t-telling us… f-for some reason” Salvatore explains, unsure if he should be revealing all this information to Alcina, notorious and open critic of Karl and quite literally everything the younger man has ever done and said, is doing and saying, and will do and say sometime in the span of his chaotic lifespan.

Contrary to what Salvatore assumed, however, instead of looking bored and uninterested in what Karl thought about this whole situation, Alcina looked just the slightest bit… intrigued, if still clearly wary. “Really? And what, pray tell, does our dear sweet little brother Heisenberg believe will come of this whole situation then? Did he say?”

“H-he… he never m-mentioned anything s-specific… but he th-thinks that the g-gifts… might p-play a l-larger role… in all th-this… than M-Mother has been l-leading us to believe.”

“I see,” Alcina says, remaining silent for a moment as she thinks, looking almost concerned by what she’s heard. “And what do you think of this whole mess, Salvatore?”

“U-um… well… I-I think it’s nice… th-that Mother trusts us e-enough… to g-give us her p-previous experiments… and u-use them however w-we want… b-but I’d be l-lying if I s-said… that I d-didn’t think Karl… was o-onto something… I-I don’t know w-what I believe to be t-true a-at the moment… but I d-do know… th-that I’d like t-to give… g-give a gift of m-my own… to Nadine… and that… and that y-you might be… s-someone else who c-could help me… w-with that” the hooded man explains nervously, hoping that Alcina was in a good enough mood to feel like humoring him and his sudden request.

“Nadine?” The tall, pale woman asks in confusion, before suddenly nodding in understanding. “Ah, your gift…”

Salvatore nods. “D-Donna… is f-fashioning a n-new dress… for her… a-and even gave me… this b-beautiful nightgown… to hold h-her over until… until the real one is c-complete. I th-think she w-will… e-enjoy the nightgown b-but… but I’d like to… l-like to get her something else t-too… like a… like a necklace… a-a gold one… o-one that w-would… c-complement her skin tone… j-just right.”

Alcina briefly stares at Salvatore with a blank expression, momentarily making the hooded man worry that he’d overstepped his boundaries and said something to offend the much larger woman. His nerves are thankfully calmed when Alcina turns and orders Salvatore to follow after her, which the disfigured man happily does if it means what he thinks it means.

The two siblings arrive at Alcina’s personal chambers just as Anastasia is exiting them, her arms filled by a large basket of blood soaked towels and clothes, some collected from Alcina’s room, the others likely from either Bela, Cassandra, or Daniela’s rooms.

“Good evening, Lady Dimitrescu! Are you finally retiring for the evening?” Anastasia asks, bowing cheerfully as she finally notices her mistress approaching her. “I’ve already gone ahead and prepared your bed for you, as well as collected all the soiled laundry from today’s harvest. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”

“Thank you, my dear, but not quite, I have one more matter to attend to before I fully turn in. Since you were so kind to offer however, I would greatly appreciate it if, once Lord Moreau and I are finished with our affairs, you would be so kind as to escort him to the front door and bid him a good night, for me. You are free to retire to your own chambers for the evening once he’s left” Alcina orders softly, which the young girl obediently nods her head to.

“Of course, mistress, thank you very much! And I’d be happy to see Lord Moreau out for you, so please don’t hesitate to call me once you’re finished with your meeting” Anastasia says, bowing lowly to both Alcina and Salvatore before wordlessly skittering off to do… whatever it was she planned on doing to those dirty garments.

“Now, about that gift you were talking about” Alcina says upon entering her personal bedroom, immediately striding over to her vanity and beginning to sift through several boxes worth of jewelry, “you said you wanted gold, correct? And a necklace specifically?”

“Y-yes! I-if you have anything y-you’re willing to… g-give away… of course… I’d feel t-terrible taking something i-if it meant a g-great deal to you” Salvatore answers, standing awkwardly in the doorway as he waits for Alcina to return to him with whatever she finds.

Of all 3 of his siblings, Alcina was the one Salvatore was easily the least close to, despite having been the only two around for a considerable amount of time before the eventual arrivals of both Donna and then Karl. It wasn’t that Salvatore was displeased when Mother Miranda first informed him that he’d be getting a “sibling” all those years ago, but Alcina’s natural personality, coupled with her terrifying size and strength from the mutations, had made the very meek and timid Salvatore hesitant to reach out and form any kind of sibling bond with the younger woman, like he had with Karl.

Karl was a royal pain in the ass to deal with on even his best days, but at the end of it all, there’s still only so much a 6 year old can do to you, anger issues and mutant metal bending powers or not. Alcina was both a royal pain in the ass to deal with more often than not, but also a fully grown adult when she first joined the family, so needless to say the 2 oldest siblings hadn’t been given very many appropriately opportune moments to bond or get along.

That being said however, the simple but elegant golden locket that Alcina procures from one of her many boxes of jewelry has Salvatore wondering if maybe he had misjudged Alcina, having never expected her to show him something as luxurious and real-looking as this, especially when the understanding was that she’d be giving it away whatever item of jewelry Salvatore took a liking to.

“This is an old locket I received for my 3rd birthday from a relative who died long before I was old enough to care about who they were, though all those diamond star details on the front do make me think they could have been close with us at one point, or perhaps they just had that much money to throw around? It’s an old and well-loved piece of my collection, but Duke has been bringing back such wonderful treasures from his travels that I just have to start getting rid of some of these old sentimental trinkets so I can make room for all the new additions I plan on purchasing once he finally returns” Alcina explains, gingerly handing the necklace over to Salvatore, who could do nothing but gawk at how extravagant and, to be perfectly honest, expensive the necklace looked.

With 4 small diamonds, likely real knowing Alcina, embedded into the surface of the locket’s front cover, surrounded by small engravings that give the glimmering stones the appearance of stars in the night sky, the necklace looked like it belonged upon the neck of a fair and noble princess, into which the radiant beauty could then place the photo of the man who’d stollen her innocent heart. Nadine wasn’t actually a princess and Salvatore all but gagged at the idea of a picture of his face, mutated or not, being put somewhere for anyone to see, however the necklace was far too perfect for the hooded man to possibly turn it down.

“So what do you think? Will something like this do?” The taller woman asks, curiously. “I could continue looking if that isn’t quite what you’re after, however if that is the case, then I would like to politely request that you come back and look at them tomorrow. It's already so late and I’d have to have the rest of my collection fetched from the vault downstairs.”

“N-no no… th-that’s alright… this i-is perfect… thank y-you… Alcina… this w-was very k-kind of you to do… f-for me” Salvatore says, carefully tucking the glittering necklace into the bag Donna had placed the nightgown in.

“Don’t fret about it too much, I only did it because I had a bit of time to spare prior to going to bed, and you happened to catch me in a good mood. That’s it” Alcina states firmly, though something in the back of Salvatore’s head can’t help but take the taller woman’s words with a grain of salt, feeling as though there was more to Alcina’s sudden generosity than just pure coincidence. “Besides, who knows what gaudy thing you’d have shown up with had you not made the surprisingly wise decision to invoke Donna’s and my vastly superior knowledge of the feminine experience. I don’t even want to think of what tacky little trinket you’d have tried to gift her. Why the thought of that alone is enough to make me want to run for the hills, how on earth do you think your poor little gift would have felt? I’d have had to murder you on the spot if I found out you tried to pass some disgusting pile of garbage off as an appropriate gift. In fact, if I didn’t know that Donna was working on a more fitting dress for her already, I’d have half a mind to skin you alive for only having a flimsy nightgown to take back with you, but I doubt any of the dresses I have, that would be appropriate to wear with that kind of necklace anyways, would come close to fitting her, and I really do want to start making room for some newer, more exciting pieces. So, with all that in mind, count your blessings that the stars have aligned in your favor tonight, dear brother, because I won’t be doing this for you again… unless, you’d be willing to do me a few favors in exchange for some of the other pieces of my collection, that is.”

Aaaaaaaaaaand there’s the Alcina that Salvatore knows and secretly likes. In vehement denial that she feels anything positive for her 3 siblings and also actively trying to get someone else to do her dirty work for her. It's certainly not how the hooded man prefers to operate, but he supposes that if Alcina can somehow convince everyone around her to do all of her work for her, why wouldn’t she take advantage of that as much as possible?

“I-I think that’s e-enough… for t-tonight actually… maybe i-if I decide I’d l-like to get her s-something else… I’ll c-consider that offer y-you brought up” Salvatore says, bowing politely to his sister as he makes his desire to leave obvious.

Thankfully, Alcina seems more than happy to send her older brother on his way, calling Anastasia to come lead Salvatore back to the front door so he could finally begin making his way home.

“Th-thank you again… Alcina… I really a-appreciate this… an-and I'm sure Nadine w-will love the gift t-too” Salvatore says just as he’s about to bid Alcina goodnight and begin following the young servant girl.

“Yes, yes, you’re very grateful of my wondrous kindness to you, I know, you’ve made that fact more than clear already, brother” the taller woman says with an only mildly annoyed roll of her eyes as she stands just outside the door to her chambers. “Just make sure you don’t waste the opportunity my graciousness has afforded you, do you understand?”

Salvatore stiffens nervously as Alcina shoots him a pointed look that screams ‘don’t fuck this up or I’ll fuck you up’, a threat which the hooded man knows she’ll make good on, should Salvatore make it necessary for her to do so. Salvatore wasn’t sure how Alcina had picked up on the nature of his budding affections for Nadine so quickly, or how she seemed to instinctively know what he was planning despite having never asked directly, but clearly she’d noticed something and was now in the process of making the matter of whether Salvatore successfully courted his gift her business.

Heavens above have mercy upon whomever is unlucky enough to have their problematic situation noticed and meddled with by Alcina Dimitrescu.

“Y-yes… I u-understand… an-and I’ll be s-sure not to w-waste... waste the g-golden opportunity you’ve g-given me… OH! An-and Donna w-wants her mannequins b-back... too… sh-she wanted m-me to tell y-you” Salvatore replies, his anxiety only mildly calmed when Alcina makes a face at the mention of Donna’s yet-to-be-returned-still mannequins.

“Oh for goodness sakes, I always forgot about those stupid things. Anastasia?”

“Yes, Mistress?” The young servant dutifully answers.

“Please make a note to remind me to have Heisenberg come by so he can collect and return the manequins Donna leant me while I was commissioning some dresses from her earlier this month. That foul-mouthed mutt owes me a favor, and so if all goes the way I’d like I’ll be making this his problem in the morning” Alcina says devilishly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Of course, Lady Dimitrescu, I’ll be sure to remind you of that first thing tomorrow morning” Anastasia replies warmly, though her amicable grin is quickly replaced by a flush and a girlish giggle when Alcina waves and turns on her heel, swaying her hips in an obvious fashion before bending down to enter through the door of her chambers.

Salvatore passed exceptionally confused glances back and forth between his sister and the young servant standing in front of him, totally clueless as to what just unfolded a moment ago as a feeling of disgust, the kind you get when you see something you wish you hadn’t, began to curl in the pit of his stomach. Whatever it was that was going on in the Dimitrescu house, and more importantly with their new servant girl, it was clearly none of Salvatore’s business. Not that he’d wanted it to be in the first place.

Salvatore had enough problems to deal with regarding his own gift, he didn’t have time to worry about whether or not Alcina was already making moves on hers.

“Have a safe journey home, and do make sure to stop by with Nadine if things turn out well between the two of you. Based on how today played out, it would seem as though things are about to get a lot more interesting around here… and a lot more fun too. Goodnight, Dear Brother” is all Alcina says before gently closing the door to her chambers, effectively ending their conversation without so much as a single word from Salvatore, not that he minded being handed the chance to finally get out of here, especially after… whatever the hell that exchange between Alcina and Anastasia was.

Best not to think too hard about it, probably, especially when there was another woman back at the reservoir who was much more deserving of Salvatore’s lustful and impure musings.

“Uuum… the front door is this way… Lord Moreau,” Anastasia says suddenly, her face still dark from embarrassment, though whether it was from her earlier treatment of him before she learned he was another Lord and not just some random man from the village, or from… that thing he just saw that he doesn’t feel like thinking about anymore, the hooded man couldn’t tell.

Nor did he particularly care to find out.

43 notes · View notes

lesbian-vmin · 3 years

Text

Ask Roundup #1 - Vmin

Hey, guys! I promised to be here at least once this weekend and answer some asks. As I’ve been terribly busy with work, a lot has built up in the in box. With over 200 asks to get to, I decided it would be better to take an idea from romanticdrift and do an ask roundup and sort of answer what I have so far. No, I won’t answer all 200 in this post because a lot are very similar. But I’ll be summarizing asks and clearing out my inbox. Many of these are paraphrased, but keeping the original context. (vmin focus only)

Discussed in here

The importance of vmin friendship

4 o’clock

Chim’s reaction to Tae calling during kimbap live

No vmin live

Sad Tae / Vmin tension

Vmin friendzoning

I was going to add more asks to the mix, but this got really long with just the few that I answered. I also tried to do a mix of soft vmin and people wanting me to expand on some idea of vmin not being close or the “friendzone” thing.

(BELOW THE CUT)

anonymous asked:

Part of me wishes that vmin was real. Another part of me doesn’t want them to be. Don’t get me wrong, I ship them and don’t have a problem with the idea of them being gay and in love. But somehow I really like the idea of them being best friends who just really care deeply about each other. Does that make sense?

That makes perfect sense to me, honestly. I often talk about the value of friendship on this blog and how friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. If vmin have the close bond they do with each other, and it’s totally platonic, it sort of proves that there are friendships out there that have connections just as deep as romantic love.

This is one of the reasons I don’t push the “romantic vmin” agenda too hard. Because their friendship is perfect and ideal if that’s all it is. It really puts the statement “something deeper than friendship” to shame. Because what’s deeper than friendship? In fact, a romance with someone you can’t also consider your best friend doesn’t seem deep at all. It’s almost like “friendship” is what make romantic relationships deep. You know what I mean? You just won’t have the same connection with a romantic partner if you’re not also friends with them. So it’s silly to me how friendships are often devalued.

Regardless of what type of relationship vmin have, I think it’s okay for them to be the model of the type of relationship someone else would want to have. Whether it be with a friend or an s/o. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a romantic relationship that matches someone else’s friendship. And, if you don’t think vmin is real but still relate to them as “couple goals” because that’s the kind of relationship you want, then that’s fine. That’s actually sort of the kind of shipper that I am.

someone asked:

Tae started crying at the end of 4 o’clock during their performance. But if it’s just about the dumpling fight, why would he cry? Am I delulu? Was the fight really that intense?

someone else said:

Chim was smiling and stuff during the practice of 4 o’clock. So I think he had to have known that the song was about him?

These asks were from an anonymous person, but they were two separate asks. So I wanted to specify them as two separate asks in this post, but answer them together.

First things first. Let’s get a few links in here that you can reference to understand my answer a little better if you don’t know the whole story.

Okay. Let’s talk about Tae crying during the performance. I can’t actually say that he really cried, but he did seem to get emotional at the end. It’s a song that’s about a fight that is a big staple in their friendship. I think it’s pretty obvious that there’s more to the dumpling incident that they’re not telling us. I don’t think that’s the first time they would have had such an argument. They probably argue about whether to eat pizza or burgers all the time, and whether they should have dinner first and then watch a movie or watch a movie and then eat dinner.

Just the fact that Chim stated that he had to go and have a drink with Syub after the fight tells us that there was more to the incident than they are telling us. You don’t go and drink yourself drunk because you and your best friend can’t agree on whether to eat dumplings before or after practice.

I think that incident is one of the building blocks of their friendship. I think that it happened at a time they were going through a lot of changes. We know that Chim tends to be pretty possessive, and this was at a time that Tae started having his own schedule because of Hwarang. I think there were a lot of sudden changes to things, and that stressed them out and put some strain on their friendship. And it’s possible that’s entirely wrong.

Either way. It’s pretty clear there’s more to it than dumplings. But we can’t begin to analyze and figure out what it is and expect to be remotely accurate. And quite frankly, no matter how curious any of us may be, it’s none of our business. If they wanted us to know the “obviously more to the story” part of the story, they’d tell us.

And now. I guess I could have handles the two asks separately. But anyway. I’ve already talked about how I think Chim did already know that 4 o’clock was about that incident. So check the interview analysis I linked above for my discussion on that topic. I’m going to be going through my analyses soon and updating them, but that answer will do for now.

anonymous asked

You talked about Tae calling Chim on his live but what your thoughts about Tae caling during Ji / kook live. Chim was so unprepared and Kook was laughing about Tae calling and I guess Chim’s reaction to it. Chim didn’t seem to be in the flirting mood. I just wanted to know your thoughts on it.

I believe I have talked about this before somewhere, but I’m not entirely sure. So the live you are referring to is the kimbap making one (x). So, I’m going to reference the Mandago Incident in this answer, and I did an analysis on this live before. I’m going to link to the analysis I made. A link to the last mandago live can be found in that analysis. (x)

During the last mandago that we got, I really got the feeling that Chim wanted to do a live with Tae, but Tae didn’t want to join him. We have Chim being all sour and pouty and even down right petty in that last live, and I sort of got the same vibes from his behavior when Tae called during the kimbap live.

We know that Chim keeps saying he want to do a vlive with Tae, but it never happens. What the real story behind their lack of a live together is, we may never know.

I have a theory about this one, but it is just a theory. It’s probably not even remotely true, and there are thousands of other possibilities than what I’m about to say in regards to this live.

I think that it’s possible that the Ji / kook kimbap making live was supposed to be a vmin kimbap making live. Or vmin / kook, but I’m leaning further away from that option for this analysis to make a little more sense in relation to the mandago one (which I compare it to).

This analysis is assuming (1) that the kimbap making was supposed to be Chim’s live originally (2) he originally invited Tae to do the live with him (3) Tae refused (4) Chim wanted to do the live, but not alone (5) He asked Kook (6) Kook accepted, and they did the live together.

That’s a lot of assumptions to make for a logical analysis, but it’s seriously the vibe I got from Tae’s phone call.

Let’s look at the key points from the mandago live:

(1) Chim wanted to do Mandago (2) He wanted to do with Tae because it’s their thing (3) Tae didn’t want to come (4) Chim invited Kook instead (5) Kook came

After Kook joined the Mandago live, it didn’t take long before Tae joined as well. As stated in my analysis, you could make the argument that he wanted to eat as well (because they had food), but he ended up bringing his own food. He didn’t have to join the live to eat if he already had food on his own. I think he was upset because Chim was doing “mandago” without him. Even thought it ended up not really being a mandago live and more of Eat Jin.

Chim’s behavior in both lives really seems similar to me. So I sort of got the feeling that Tae was originally supposed to be part of the live but refused. Then when he saw that Chim was with Kook instead, he got upset. He called Chim, and Chim got upset. A “if you wanted to be in the live, why didn’t you just do it” sort of upset. Like, if Tae didn’t want to do the live with him, why is he calling during the live? Knowing they’re live? You get what I’m saying.

And, no. I’m not saying this is a Ji / kook vs vmin thing. And I’m not even trying to imply any sort of unhealthy level of jealousy here. I just think (if this theory is remotely correct) it shows how Chim is being real with us. He’s not just pulling our leg and saying that he wants to do a live with Tae but he really doesn’t and it’ll never happen. I think, again - if my theory is remotely correct, this shows how Tae doesn’t want to do a solo vmin live with Chim. Even if this theory is correct, it’s possible that Tae would have called regardless if Kook was there or not. Because, based on the theory, he was initially invited, but he didn’t want to be there in person. Alone. With Chim. For whatever reason.

Again, relating it to my theory, I think Tae either called because (1) If Kook was going to be there, he would have joined. Because that would have been a third person, keeping it from being him and Chim alone. So when he saw Kook there, he wanted to make himself part of it somehow. Or (2) He would have called even if it was just Chim because he’s more okay with talking on the phone than being there in person.

I might do an actual analysis of the kimbap live, but we’ll see. It’s easier to talk about a theory here than to actually analyze because there’s not a lot to go off of without making assumptions.

related to this, anonymous asked:

Why do you think vmin won’t do a vlive together?

With some other saying that them not doing so makes it hard for us to see that they are really friends.

So, my idea on why they won’t do a vlive together is a little different than what I’ve read around. I think the reason it doesn’t happen is simply because they don’t want to, but not for any particular reason other than taking the time to do it. I’m going to explain.

We can make the argument that they are comfortable with each other and don’t want to have to be too careful. But I think that’s a copout for thinking a little deeper about it and making it more realistic. Yeah, it’s possible that they’ll have to watch themselves while they’re live, but what makes that different than any of the other members?

Ji / kook can have a live together, look into each other’s eyes, tease each other, and all kinds of things during vlive, so...why is the case different for them than with vmin? I don’t really think that them having to “watch it” has anything to do with them not doing a live together. It’s not like they’re really going to “forget about the camera” and accidentally make out or something. Even if they are in a relationship. They wouldn’t do that.

My honest belief, until I’m given reason to believe otherwise, is because they simply don’t want to. Vlives are often done from the studio or some other place where they work (if not hotel rooms). We don’t get random vlives of them living day-to-day life or going to Lotte World. So this means that most vlives we get are planned for work, or done during down time from work. But it’s always related to work somehow.

I really think that Tae and Chim are best friends and enjoy spending time with each other the same way any other friends do. When they are together, that’s their time, and they probably don’t want to share it with us. Because they share a lot of things with us, and I’m sure they have things (like their friendship or time together) that they want to keep for themselves. Despite Chim acting like the more private one, yet wanting to do a vlive with Tae, I think this is why Tae refuses. Because, although he doesn’t seem to be shy about expressing his love for Chim, he wants to keep their private time private as well.

And that’s all I think it is. And, honestly, if that’s the case, we can relish in the fact that we don’t get vmin lives. Even if getting one would be nice. It’s nicer to know that they want to keep their private time private because their friendship is important to them and they don’t want to make it about us. And. Who knows? Maybe the mandago thing and the dumpling incident all have a part to play in this. Because maybe the publicity put on their friendship at the time is what caused those kinds of strains to happen. And to avoid something like that again, maybe that’s why they won’t go live.

But. I think it’s possible we’ll get one eventually. I haven’t given up yet.

anonymous said:

HI. I would just like to remind your readers about 2020 Festa: Unit Interview @12:31 VMIN was asked: What do you want to say to each other? Tae somehow refused to answer and just said: "WE ALWAYS SAY IT TO EACH OTHER." There's NO NEED to say what they feel for each other openly. No explanations whatsoever. As Chim said in Bon Voyage 2, not us, not even the members can fully understand what they feel about each other.

Remember what I said about no theory being good enough to be truth behind vmin? This anon gets it.

a mix of asks relates to

I don’t know why people keep saying Tae is sad or that vmin are fighting. They are fine. Nothing’s wrong.

I don’t know what’s more harmful. Assuming someone is sad all the time. Or assuming they’re fine all the time.

There are times when Tae is obviously down, and he shows it. I think he doesn’t try so hard to put on a fake happy face for us, and I think that’s wonderful. It’s okay not to be okay, and we really don’t have a lot of icons out there that let us know that. They may tweet and talk about mental health and the importance of it. But celebrities that actually show their mental status or even talk about their own level of happiness is far and few between. People think they’re happy all the time, and those that do say they’re not often get attacked because “why wouldn’t they be happy? They have fame, money, and everything?”

If you don’t see that Tae might be sad at a particular moment, or don’t think that vmin has a moment of tension, I guess that’s fine. But to say that it never happens is obviously false. Everyone gets sad sometimes, and everyone has tension with their closest friends.

That being said, those who go overboard and act like Tae is never happy or that vmin hate each other...yeah. That’s a bit much and needs to stop. Tae’s emotions are dynamic, and vmin love each other.

another mix of asks relates to

Do you think vmin are intentionally trying to friendzone themselves because they don’t want us to get suspicious? Or do you think they want us to know that they are only friends and shipping makes them uncomfortable?

Friendzone what? Like. What?

Regardless of what Tae and Chim are together, they are still best friends. The one thing that we confirm about their relationship is indeed that.

I really don’t think they ever say “he’s my best friend” in a “no-homo” kind of way, and that’s sort of what both scenarios presume. Two men can call each other “best friends” without having an implied “no-homo” label onto it.

And let me talk about this “no-homo” thing, okay? I’m not sure how many lgbt people are asking this question, but from my own lgbt perspective “no-homo” was always a little offensive to me. Like, why can’t you just give your bro a hug? Or why can’t you just say “I love you” to a friend? Are we really to the point where people have to say “no-homo” because they don’t want to give someone the wrong idea?

Honestly, my best straight male friend hugs me and tells me he loves me all the time, and he sometimes says “no-hetero” when he does it. And I love him to bits and pieces in a completely no-hetero kind of way because he started the joke because he realized how offensive the other statement was. At least, how much it bothered me regardless of how any other lgbt people felt about it.

Anyway. My point is, regardless of what kind of relationship vmin have together, I’m sure they say “he’s my best friend” because they are best friends. Regardless of any other labels they could have, they are best friends, and that’s what they want to let us know. I don’t think it has anything to do with dumbass “friendzoning” or “no-homo” shit. I don’t think they have some ulterior motive by simply stating that they are best friends.

And. Honestly. I if I asked my sister who her best friend is? She’d say her husband (or me lmao). If I asked my best friend who her best friend is? She’d say her husband (or me lmao). If I asked my straight male best friend? He’d say his wife (or me lmao). So. Again. My point is. Your significant other can be your best friend, and referring to them as such doesn’t mean you are friendzoning them.

It doesn’t mean that vmin is a real couple. It doesn’t mean that they’re not a real couple. It just means that, if they are, they’re obviously not going around introducing each other or talking about each other as boyfriends.

#vmin analysis #ask roundup #theory

46 notes · View notes

poison--ivory · 3 years

Text

Get back Up Chapter 4

The bits of his nightmare are still fresh in his thoughts and lingered on his mind. The black holes of what should be eyes strangled him without him even touching his body.

His mind started playing false scenarios of this nightmarish creature in different scenarios. He imagined going to sleep and being startled awake. Coming to the realization of not being able to move, paralyzed from head to toe. Trying to thrash himself around to get his body to react to any of his muscle spasms. The suspicion of an unknown entity within his room made him feel uneasy and if he could just flinch awake and scope the area out the feeling would simmer down and slowly go away.

His first mistake in this scenario was to blink. That's all it took was a quick closing of the eyes and a single second for that suspicion to grow into terror. A misty shadow from the corner of his eye darted across the room and disappeared into the darkness. Having anything in your room while you slept would cause anyone to feel restless. Next he closed his eyes again and the shadow rushed right beside his bedside. He made out features on its face and body, nonetheless the eyes and the mouth threw him off. Its mouth was too far stretched out causing skin to peel and the teeth didn’t make this any better. Sharp enough to cut wood without breaking or even cracking. But, it’s eyes are what tie it together. Beady, cloudy, white eyes peered through black sludged sockets. His mouth slowly shifts with each calm breath and the insufferable, rotten smell of his heated breath blowing down at his face. The stench of bad meat filled his airways and the contact of the creature's saliva slid down his forehead and slowly made contact with his ear. He knows it's just a dream, but it feels too real to be anything near it.Then soon after he’d arched his back up to and the creature seemed to be gone. Thereafter he had the troubles of trying to fall back asleep again. But, the feeling of someone still in the room with him staring daggers into the back of his head caused him to flip over to gaze at the wall. The little kid in him would come out at that point and would try to justify to itself that curling up underneath the thick, warm blankets would keep him safe.

This scenario was the most unsettling when he thinks about it. The others are subpar at best when compared.

Anthony couldn’t speak, it was like his mouth, his tongue to be more specific swelled in his throat and was expanding with each second passing. He took huge gulps of air in to make sure his esophagus was working. That hellish nightmare still had him drench in cold sweat, harsh chills rolled up and down his spine and he couldn’t fight that image from his night terror out of his thoughts. He can still feel the searing hot flesh of the beast’s gaping jaw swallowing half his body before snapping down on his waistline. He still hears the breaking of his spinal cord and the gushing noise of fresh blood hitting the cramp space walls and the warm feeling of liquid escaping his nostrils and mouth, overflowing and consuming his airway passages. He’d be lying right now if he didn’t feel a little bit of pain in his chest. The painkillers worked miracles on his body. But, they didn’t stop the constant panging of discomfort still in his chest cavity.

He officially loathes whatever creature (Y/n) married. Anthony really doesn’t want to admit to it, but this peculiar man petrified him. He could already feel the bile rising and burning his windpipe. The acidic fluid rose up and out of instinct he swallowed, his old man always hated it when he couldn’t make it to the toilet on time. That and it’s pretty disgusting cleaning up partially digested food out between the fibers of a carpet. The only thing that would come up at this point would probably be the tea he drank earlier.

The only thing stopping him from spilling his stomach acid on the tile floor was the fact (Y/n)’s children were staring at him, they had just shoveled food down their gullets and he didn’t want to start a puke fest. Even though it would be hilariously gross to freak out little kids. He still wanted to hang onto the last strain of dignity he had left and little kids came up with the worst nicknames that could shrivel his ego down into size.

“Are you. . . okay, Tony?” Her mellow aura consumed his disquiet appearance. She lightly held his hand and guided him over to the table situating him in her seat, taking her half finished plate with her as well. “Are you hungry, because we still have some eggs and bacon left. I can make you a small plate, if you want?” She was already reaching for a clean plate before he could even form a complete sentence. He ignored the stare of the beast’s harsh gaze.

While (Y/n) focused on piling his dish and the man sitting across from him stared him down. Anthony glanced over at the children. The two older kids sitting diagonal from him looked very similar and were talking in a language he really couldn’t describe. They both had pretty long hair and shockingly similar side profiles, eye shape and lip shape. The girl and boy took more after their mother in both features and energy.

The other kid was amazingly small to the other two. The tiny child peered up at him through bang covered eyes like he felt him staring at him. Now that he's thinking about it he recognized this kid as the child from the couch earlier. He was much smaller on closer inspection. He has a decent size beauty mark on the left side of his face underneath his chestnut brown eye. His hair style is nearly the same as his fathers, although he found it cute on this kid from the latter. This kid seemed to be very docile, hugging a small pastel green pillow, snuggling it up against his face and chest. On closer inspection of the petite child he noticed the really far away blank look in the boy’s eyes. Kind of like a dead goldfish.

His thoughts were interrupted by a high pitched voice.

“You're very weird looking, ya know.” The older boy spoke up a smirk pulling on the corners of his mouth.

If he could slap a kid and get away with it he would do that in this moment.

“That’s what Sage told me earlier when we snuck in to see you, he also said your legs look like chopsticks.” He shoved his face deeper in the soft material, still gazing directly at him. He hasn’t blinked yet the small bright red veins proved that.

“Well, I’ll have you know that many people find me attractive.” The two young boys raised inquisitive eyebrows at the older man then laughed. “What the hell are you two short stacks laughing at?”

“Your dialect it’s very funny.” The girl chimed in, gazing up from her pile of eggs she’s been picking at since he sat down. “You usually hear your type of voice on cartoon shows.”

“Excuse me for having such a great voice.”

“Yeah, a great voice to keel over to.” The older boy laughed harder. “Ya sound like a cartoon mob boss.”

“Mmh, really funny sounding.” The girl chimed in.

At this point he just really wanted to eat whatever (Y/n)’s puts in front of him and just go back to sleep, again. Her children were a prick on his dick and the total opposite of what he expected would come from between her legs. Well, they do have half of the demons genes in them and would explain why the youngest seems so weird and the other two to be. . . themselves.

(Y/n) strided back over her hips swayed from side to side and she sat a hot plate of eggs and sausage down next to him. She smiled at him before returning back to the sink, not before getting a harsh slap on the ass from the bastard, clashing dishes filled the kitchen’s already noisy room.

Anthony could feel the saliva build up in his mouth as he took in the savory smell of seasoned meat and eggs meeting his nostrils. He must have looked like a slob heaping large amounts of egg into his gaping jaw. It’s been awhile since he’s had a nice meal, he’s usually used to small snacks and the strict health regimen that Val put him on. Even when eating with Cherri it was usually something unhealthy or a quick to go item before he performed on stage.

He was so enamored with the food he didn’t even see the man sitting at the other side of the table rise until he heard giggling. He looked up for a split second before hurriedly turning his head back to the plate. Anthony really didn’t want to see two people kiss especially when he’s eating. Like those high school couples who makeout in the doorway of a classroom, well at least it’s in their home and not causing a problem. But, right now he didn’t want to up chuck what he just ate.

“See you after work my dear,” Another smooch could be heard then he sauntered over to the three kids. Lightly pecking his daughters cheek before ruffling his two sons heads. “Be good for your mom and be nice to our guest while he’s here. We don’t want anything unseemingly happening while he’s in our caring hands.”

They probably didn’t hear it or just ignored the way he phrased the word, but Anthony sure did. Like he planned to do other things to him while he stayed here. Before he could fully make eye contact with the beast itself the man already was walking out into the corridor leading to the front door.

A minute later he could hear the jingling of keys scraping against glass and a door opening and slamming shut. Silence took over the room and he noticed that the two older kids finally stopped laughing. Their breathing slowed down for a bit before they continued their onslaught of giggling.

The dead eyed child was staring at him again. It annoyed him more than it scared him. The young boy blinked a few times before he shoved his small face into his pillow not bringing his head back up.

Anthony mustered up a small chuckled and returned to his plate eating every last piece. He was sensible enough to actually walk his plate over to the sink that would be a lot more helpful, but he’s mostly doing it to squeeze more info from (Y/n).

How the hell did someone like her end up in a relationship with that monster. She has to know some weird secrets about this guy. Or at least tell him how she got stuck in this marriage.

Anthony set his plate off to the side of her, she smiled at him nodding her head before placing the next dish in the drying rack. “So. . . your face is telling me that your brain has a lot of questions for me.” A smirk graced her features, he hated that she could read him like a book. Her wet hands dried themselves on her sweatpants, “Can you guys go play upstairs, while mommy talks with Mr. Anthony.” The two older kids left without question like this were trained into their brains. But, the youngest seems to sit firmly in his chair not even budging an inch or showing any choice of leaving. His intense gaze focused in on (Y/n), she heaved a big sigh picking the small child up and sat down with him. The pillow was quickly forgotten by the small boy as he wrapped his thin arms around his mother.His short legs hung lifelessly on both sides while his arms latched on for dear life around her neck and shoulders. “I hope you don’t mind the extra passenger. We also have to make this quick. I have to edit some papers of mine before the due date.” She managed a meek smile.

��No, I don’t mind.” Anthony glanced back at the small child and the deadlock grip he had on her. “He’s a real mama’s boy, huh.” He smirked.

“He doesn’t like being left alone.” She pushed the boy up further to situate him in a better position, a loud roar of thunder broke the short silence. Making the small boy gasp in shock and burying his face deeper into her neck. “So, you have some questions you want me to answer, right?”

“Yeah, how the hell did you end up with him!” He exclaimed.

“Didn’t I already tell you this earlier or are the meds warping your brain.”

“No,I remember but, I want the full story this time. From beginning to end with no holes.”

(Y/n) paused, her facial expression going dead for a moment before coming back to life and she smiled sweetly at him.

“I’ll tell you the whole story, Toni. But, it’s pretty long and kind of weird now that I think about it.” The kid in her lap settled down on her lap nicely like a small cat or a non hyper dog. “So, buckle in because I’m going to tell you quite a story.”

Anthony situated his back further in the wooden chair, his gaze solely focused on her and only her. Strong yet such kind eyes stared back at him and he could see why someone would fall for her. A forced swallow of air down his windpipe left a weird aftertaste in his mouth.

Releasing a big sigh he nodded over at her to continue, “I’m ready.”

The little boy turned his head around address his presence,"Just tell the story, mama."

"I'm going to give me a minute I'm trying to think of good starting mark." Her eyes lit up with her smile as she stared me down. "Well if I had to start the story off at. I guess I have to start it at a small cafe over a order of venison."

#hazbin hotel au #hazbin hotel human au #human au #human angel dust #human alastor #alastor being a jerk #alastor being alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #alastor x y/n #hazbin hotel

23 notes · View notes

rasp-passion-two · 3 years

Note

Hello, sorry if this is annoying but can you explain how Himiko is neurodivirgent, I don't mean to come off as rude or anything, I just don't know much about the topic and am curious? Sorry to cause any trouble.

It’s absolutely not any trouble!! I love talking about how Himiko shows signs of being neurodivergent. It hits close to home specifically since not only is she one of my favorite characters, but I relate to her a lot. Okay, this might be a bit long, so sorry about that lol:

So in case you don’t know exactly what it is, neurodiversity is when mentally your brain is wired differently than normal, or “neurotypical”, peoples brains. Especially with considerably easy functions like socialising, thinking, learning, developing or ageing, and many others. Many disorders can fall under the neurodiversity spectrum. ADHD, BPD, autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dyslexia, and many others.

Personally, I think Himiko would fall into the category of being autistic, which has a lot going into it, but can be summed up as a developmental disorder that involves delays in communication, thinking, social situations, and basic human understanding.

Though there is a thread on Twitter that does a good job covering certain criterias that I won’t end up covering (her lack of understanding of social cues, development delays, the reason why she’s depressed, etc.) and it’s really good!!

Below, I’ll list the traits that, in my opinion, Himiko possesses that are common in ND people. Not all of them will be listed, just the bigger ones:

Talking in a slow, almost “emotionless” way

Himiko talks a certain way throughout the whole of the game, rarely ever changing even when she’s expressing very strong emotions. From the very first line she speaks, Himiko talks about something exciting to her, but still sounds very flat and unenthused. Most ND people will always speak in the same tone of voice no matter what. Sometimes, it's very flat and monotone, like Himikos. Sometimes they'll speak slowly either to gather together what they want to say next, or that's just how they were wired to speak. (Almost exactly like Jataro from DR:AE who speaks in a similar way. Who also has a few neurodivergent traits. But that's just a theory c:)

Childish behavior

This usually ranges, but Himiko has a few traits that neurodivergent people have that others consider “too childish”. She’s extremely naive in how she perceives the world, people around her, and their intentions with interacting with her. Like when Kaito asked her to bring her a crossbow of all things and it takes little for her to be convinced to assist him. Or when Kokichi makes fun of her, and she doesn't always gets it. She's sometimes able to understand, but mostly she doesn't understand that he's just taking advantage of her innocence to treat her how he does with others. She takes things everyone says at face value and believes them easily. Her peers consider her to be a bit slow in many areas, almost in a childlike way. She almost has a child-level understanding of vocabulary (i.e. pronounces words the way children do like how the way she says magic almost sounds like “myagic”, her vocabulary is pretty limited, and she usually starts using certain words that she hears others use). When having her Master brought up with the possibility that he left her selfishly and that she was better than him, she always denies it, keeping an innocent mentality so she won’t feel too bad. After being motivated to move forward, she’s seen a lot to want to be helpful to the group and do something useful, and in return they, in my opinion, view that behavior how older people view a child wanting to be helpful to them. The thread above goes more into detail (her bathroom issues, having a unique way of remembering and referring to objects), but these are only some of the examples for Himiko's maturity.

Being a “gifted child” when she was young

This is entirely my speculation since this is never addressed in canon, but Himiko strikes me as a former “gifted child” which most NDs go through. Her “gift” was discovered at a young age and she was really skilled at it. She was known for it by huge masses of people and praised for it. She even had to save the person who saw the talent in her and taught her everything she knows about it when he made a mistake. She gets invited to all types of events because of it. Lot’s of ND kids who were thought of as “gifted'' may have gone through the same thing. It would also explain why she’s so depressed and unmotivated through most of the game, as a result of what’s called “gifted child syndrome”. Having so much praise and expectations set on her so young. Getting older and not having the same energy for it as you had before. Technically all the DR kids are former gifted children, since they're the product of a company exploiting their "gifts", which is a factor in how the world ended in the way it was. But Himiko has more, you could say "traditional" symptoms and after-effects of growing up as a gifted child (depressed, lack of motivation, lack of motivation in her subject, etc.).

Being viewed as lazy

Even though she takes what she's passionate about seriously, less than when she was younger or not, Himiko doesn't always take action with magic, and even everyday tasks. ND people usually lack any sort of drive, sometimes having an “I’ll come back to it later” mentality, excited about it or not. Himiko lacks any drive and motivation throughout the game, even at the idea of being killed, or put in the line of suspicion for someone's killer. She’ll always make excuses on why she can’t act on things, the most common being “she doesn’t have enough MP”. Which goes back to her talent as a magician, which she is especially sluggish in.

Bottling in her emotions and not wanting them to show. But when she does, it results in an on-going meltdown

We all saw it in its prime during the end of the third trial after all, right? Himiko was sort of always closed in, but it wasn't extreme since she hadn't hit her lowest yet. When she did though, (being the prime suspect of Ryoma dying, her closest friends Tenko and Angie dying, being one of the suspects of one of their murders, etc.) She still attempted to hold it all in, which ND people do for a variety of reasons (not knowing how to process extreme emotions, not wanting too much attention by expressing them, or choosing unhealthy ways to process your feelings, amongst others). But once Kokichi called her out for the second time? Not only was everything practically gushing out of her face, but she literally passed out from crying for so long. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that myself, ha.

The same thing happened in the last trial kind of. Once the truth of the killing game and their identities is revealed, she seems to have a meltdown. It could be from the overwhelmingness of the situation. It could be the amount of "change" of the situation, which she doesn't even remember. It could also be overstimulating tones with the change in environment, the info dumping, and how everyone jumped from topic to topic etc. Meltdowns are normal for ND people, especially since they usually hold in their feelings. Himiko got better at expressing herself, but meltdowns will still happen once something overwhelming occurs (it's a great way to let out steam!!)

Stimming

Stimming is when someone, ND or not, self-stimulates themselves by repeatedly moving in some way either by speaking, moving either themselves or something else, or watching someone else do it. Most of the time, you can see Himiko fidgeting with her fingers or with her hat. Doing something with her hands, which is a form of stimming

Despite that, Himiko most noticeably stims by speaking, as she sometimes repeats stuff others say, sometimes repeats a word in order to comfort herself and her beliefs (saying “it’s magic” over and over, either in retaliation or in general), and has a go-to word that she’ll always use almost every sentence when she doesn’t know what to say, is caught off guard/by surprise, or just when she starts and ends her sentences (y’know like, “nyeh”?).

“Odd” facial features/expressions

This one presents itself a lot in the game and through her design as well. Her lip stays tucked out all the time, her eyes don’t always stay open, and her face often keeps the same expression (tired and kind of bored). Just like when she speaks, even when she's expressing intense emotions, she'll keep a mellow expression. She lifts her hat into the air and not much changes expression-wise. She'll be accusatory to someone and not much changes expression-wise. To certain people she interacts with, they think her face is "weird" since it'll pull in ways it usually doesn't for NT people. It could be because she's trying to force the look on herself so it's more easier for people to read (which is shown to be the case for most people), but it's also possible that it's just how she looks. Since she's older, she has more freedom to make more strategies to have more natural expressions, but it's still off-putting to some of her peers.

The infamous saying, “she comes off as annoying”

Many people know this one well, and Himiko is no different, especially in the earlier chapters. Almost everything stated above is a factor that plays in people's disdain for Himiko, in the game and the fandom. Characters like Shuichi, Kaede, Tenko, and even Angie are one of the only few people who try to understand and adjust to Himiko's behavior in their own method, while everyone else either ignores her, doesn’t take her seriously, or even end up bullying her because of it, not willing to adjust themselves for her specific brand of behavior. Being an obvious target, coming off as weird, being too blunt and coming off as rude (which even caused her having strained relationships with K1-B0, Miu, etc.), sometimes hyperfixating too hard on magic (her “special interest”), all seem to be a reason for people thinking she’s too high maintenance.

,,,this ask sure is a month old isn’t it? retrdfyugihhuyt I am EXTREMELY sorry I answered this so late, but I haven’t been online lately because of moving, but at least I managed to finish this in less than a day lol. It’s long, but I love Himiko, and love all the quirks that make her who she is, and am happy to explain it to others!! I hope this answered your questions either way (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

#side blog asks n answers #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #ndrv3 #danganronpa killing harmony #new danganronpa v3 #himiko yumeno #danganronpa discourse #GOD i practically just excreted infodump all over this post #hopefully this clear essay which i was clearly excited to write which i clearly wrote in a day is coherent

13 notes · View notes

once-upon-a-scenario · 4 years

Text

Icarus: Bakugou/reader, Part 6 (Interlude: Family)

Part 1

Part 5 (Reupload because tumblr hates me! Also EDIT: took out a part that wasn’t meant to make it to the final cut lol) Post-Kamino, Shouta and Toshinori meet their students’ parents. Amongst them is the Bakugou family, and then there is your father. (In which Shouta learns some concerning things about the reader, and Toshinori wonders.) Warnings: implied neglect, emotional abuse, and unhealthy relationships. Just to make sure everybody’s aware, these will be recurring themes throughout the rest of this series and will probably get more severe in later chapters. (Should I create a taglist for this??? I dunno if anybody’s properly following the series, but a list does seem like it could make things more convenient... Also I just recently realized that I literally don’t have to link every single previous part?? I love having one (1) braincell haha -Eve)

____ ”I have no objections to dorms- you may do as you please.” Coming from a man who could have lost his only child barely weeks prior to the fact, the words sound uncomfortably nonchalant. ”...I’m glad to hear that.”

Shouta has never fancied himself an incredibly warm or welcoming person. He’s had many a student complain about his attitude and coolly ignored every single one of those complaints. Yet at the same time, he’s always made an effort to be present- to know what should be known about his students, so that he’s aware of how to treat them, of how to help them live up to their fullest potential. That is, after all, the role of a teacher. Not necessarily to be nice, but to be helpful. However, as he looks around the living room, All Might sitting stiffly at his side, he begins to second guess himself.

Something about the place strikes him as odd. It’s too bare, too clean, no stray items lying about, no clues as to the preferences of the people who live in it. The Jiro household was full of colorful vintage posters and musical instruments, all lovingly arranged for the benefit of the viewers. The Koda apartment was full of terrariums and birdsong. He’s always known that you’re not a particularly expressive type, that you choose to blend in rather than stand out, and perhaps it makes sense that your father would be the same- but this place barely looks lived in, and it sets him on edge. Then, of course, there’s the host. It’s rare to meet a former colleague on these terms. Saber doesn’t look too different from how he did in his glory days- he’s still a large, straight-backed man, with a stern mouth and piercing eyes that never seem to lose their icy composure. It was this self-assured, powerful presence that earned him the popularity he held as a pro, right up until the incident that cost him his combat ability and his wife.

How, Shouta wonders, would a man like this go about raising a child? Because there you are, sitting next to your father, a conspicuous space between the two of you. Your mouth is fixed into a curve of practiced calm, and Shouta is abruptly reminded of a habit of yours that’s always concerned him- your quickness to smile with zero sincerity at the drop of the hat, as if happiness is something you need to prove to everyone around you.

As he glances at Saber’s face and his thin-lipped expression of politeness, he wonders if it isn’t a learned behavior. “Well!” All Might’s voice is a little too loud in the cool atmosphere that permeates the apartment; he fumbles with his cast as he gestures awkwardly. “I’m glad to see all our students recovering so well from this incident. It was a highly traumatic one, after all, and I- we- were all very worried.” You shift, opening your mouth as if to say something, but your father beats you to it, glancing from All Might to Shouta with that same thin-lipped, strained civility. “Thank you for your concern, All Might. But there’s no need to worry...I’m sure the promising young heroes of U.A are handling this just fine. And as for the child, neither you nor Eraserhead here should concern yourselves too much over what is unfixable.” Unfixable? Interesting word choice to describe your only child. Shouta watches Saber as he suddenly straightens and rises from his seat, seemingly unbothered by the attention and paying no mind to you; you return the favor, sitting still and stiff with your gaze fixed firmly on the coffee table. There’s nothing in your face to suggest that you’ve just been subjected to your own father calling you a lost cause in front of your teachers, and the very lack of emotion is...off-putting. Typical of you, but there are several reasons Shouta can now think of to explain why and how this became typical behavior. “Well then, I must be going. A good day to you, Eraser. And All Might- my...condolences for what happened in Kamino.” With a final, nonchalant nod of farewell, he leaves the room, leaving you, Shouta, and All Might in awkward silence. ___ I’m sorry. You see them to the front door after Saber leaves. My father doesn’t mean to be rude. ”There’s nothing to apologize for!” All Might beams at you; he’s a much better actor than anyone gives him credit for, Aizawa reflects. The brightness of his expression looks almost genuine. “Please, don’t worry yourself. Isn’t that right, Aizawa-kun?” Aizawa looks at you. Your smile’s been turned back on, an answering gesture to All Might’s attempt at comfort, but your eyes are still dull and dead. ”All Might’s right,” he says, swallowing down the thousands of other things he might say, questions about what happens behind closed doors, whether you’ll be alright, how long you’ve been suffering in silence. “Take care of yourself. You’re a smart kid- I’m glad your father’s allowing you to come back to U.A.” You bow low as they exit the house; low enough to hide your face. ____ ”I didn’t expect this,” All Might admits quietly, later on, when they’re sitting in the back of a taxi and headed towards the next house. “I knew...well. I knew I was far from understanding all of the students as well I should, but this...” He looks to Shouta, worry lines deep about his pursed lips. “Did you ever...suspect anything, Aizawa-kun?” Shouta looks down at his lap. “No. I don’t think I did.” (To tell the truth, he wonders if it would have made a difference, if he had known before- because he knows now, and he has no idea where to start.) _____ The Bakugou household is an experience. As Toshinori makes to leave, Bakugou stops him, calling out abruptly from his place on the carefully-kept lawn of his house. “By the way,” The boy seems to hesitate- a look Toshinori’s never seen on him before, but then again, almost everything that’s happened since the events at Kamino has been a series of firsts. Has he been to your house, yet? Ah. Toshinori pauses. Though he can’t imagine the motivation behind it, the question is innocent enough. But how to answer it? (He remembers the momentary flash of unhappiness in your eyes as you bid him and Aizawa farewell. What was it Saber said? Unfixable?) He closes his eyes and inhales a short, tired breath. He doesn’t want to lie to the boy; not right now, not two times in a row. Bakugou’s attitude is a source of concern for everybody who teaches him, but at the end of the day, he’s a child and a student and Toshinori regrets, often, that more hasn’t been done for him yet; something to lead him down the right path before his pride and anger cause him to stray too far from it. However, this isn’t a secret he can tell. Not yet. So- You seemed to be doing quite well. He throws in a smile for good measure to sell the lie, desperately ignoring the discomfort creeping slowly down his spine as he turns to where Aizawa is waiting with their taxi. “Don’t worry, young Bakugou. I’m sure the rest of your classmates are all safe and sound.” ____ All Might was probably lying. Katsuki knows this; he ponders over it as he sits on his bedroom floor, textbooks piled up neatly around him. No fucker in U.A will have the privilege of beating him when he gets back to school, but for a moment, he sits and reflects. He’s going to get to the bottom of this sooner or later. At the very least, he’ll spar you again once school starts.

#BNHA #Bakugou Katsuki #Bakugou #Bakugou x reader #Bakugou Katsuki x reader #Bakugou x you #Bakugou x y/n #Bakugou Katsuki x you #Katsuki Bakugou x reader #Aizawa Shouta #All Might #gender neutral reader #scenario #Mod Eve #tw: abuse

29 notes · View notes

dantesinfcrno · 4 years

Text

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

( @opalsmedia )

› 𝑰. ACE OF CUPS .

❝ divine love and compassion are pouring through you. you are a vessel for deep, spiritual love from the universe, and you can’t help but let that love flow through you and into the world. you are love & your heart overflows . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– the days grow darker than you’ve expected, and that harms the sweet thing you call a heart. the numerous fights, the copious amounts of tension, and the stress that pools in your stomach –– you’re certain you can’t handle it any longer. perhaps, you are too soft for this world in which anger & chaos reign. you try and shield yourself, but it’s never enough : your heart still beats so strongly, and you can’t stop giving & giving, until you’re alone with the remains of your chest. you weren’t expecting a ruthless emerald to open his arms to you, and yet–– in him, you discover at least one safe spot, tucked away from the world & all things evil. he reminds you of a book you loved as a child, and he has a nice way with words –– it makes dreaming easier, in such harsh times, and you can smile when he is around. he does not ask anything from you. you are grateful.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ braver soldier, russian red + i like me better, lauv + boats & birds, gregory and the hawk.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ laughter that fills our lungs ; smiling until our cheeks ache & our bellies are warm ; yellow and orange shades peppered across your skin ; the summer bringing out your freckles. we find secret gardens & have picnics, us and the fairies. childhood is still very reminiscent in the way we lay down and embrace one another. we speak of running away, but instead just end up with more polaroids on our desks. i prefer your sweater much more than my own. cozy blankets ; soft intimacy ; rose-colored glasses.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ on empathy : what it sounds like is a bird breaking small bones against glass . ❞

› 𝑰𝑰. THE HIGH PRIESTESS .

❝ the guardian of the subconscious mind and the teacher of sacred knowledge and hidden mysteries. she ushers you through the thin veil of awareness, offering you a deep, intuitive understanding of the universe and a heightened awareness of secret or hidden information . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– you are a very distant cousin, maybe not even that. you grew up hearing tales of dante’s mother, and you are keenly aware of the distaste your family has for her, her husband, and her son. you’ve seen each other once or twice, but you know dante desai –– all the rumors, scandals, absurdities & controversies. he might not have given you a word, but your image of the emerald with a dazzling smile has darkened under the influence of gossip and ill-intentioned people. you are not sure why he’s in the society at all and, if you’re being candid, he doesn’t seem deserving of any of your respect –– but alas, business means business, so you try and play nice ( it fails, more often than not, as he seems to know every word uttered about himself in his absence ). he teases you, and pushes you to try harder, reach farther. it annoys you deeply, and you hold back from simply telling him to shut up. maybe you want to prove you’re so much better, maybe you want to make him aware of how much he’s missing. maybe you just want the approval of someone, anyone.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ black sheep, gin wigmore + hit me with your best shot, adona + make me your queen, declan mckenna.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ misplaced competitiveness & rivalry ; wanting to prove yourself ; defiant words and poignant stares ; discovering the truth isn’t always hand-fed ; accepting the lies you were told when growing up & moving on from them ; familial resentment ; finding things in common with someone you hate ; learning you share many scars with the object of your disdain. biting remarks & vicious tongue ; clashing of titans. finding an equal match to the monster that crawls under your skin. enemies to friends.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ the monster. the dreamer, the eater. the eater monster. you the monster, i the monster. all of us the monster. the monster in us, the monster in you. the monster in all of us . ❞

› 𝑽. THE HIEROPHANT, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝ you are your own teacher. all the wisdom you seek comes from within – not from some external source or power. the hierophant reversed is also about challenging the status quo. you seek out opportunities to rebel and reclaim your personal power . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– you’ve always had your eyes on dante, it seems –– it’s not at all too hard for it to happen, considering the bright glitter & colorful clothes, but you perhaps admire him more than your peers. individuality attracts you, and you may or may not have one silly crush on this man –– however, once you came closer, an infatuation turned into a solid bond. you seem to share similar principles, and the need for freedom & change is rooted deeply in both of your cores. you can speak for hours on end about everything at all, open-mindedness not shared with many others you’ve met. everyone might be worried once the two of you are seen together, as you’re always up for some trouble –– but, maybe, that’s just how love works in this friendship. fire burns brighter as you come together as an unit, and it almost makes you giddy.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ void, the neighbourhood + come as you are, nirvana + sober ii (melodrama), lorde.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ forbidden crushes ; midnight escapades ; i know your favorite wine & you know how many drinks it takes for me to get tipsy ; we know each other at our worsts. the act of loving & supporting each other in all one sets their mind to. may be guilty of arson & invasion of properties. the lack of hesitation to defend one another. uniqueness & playfulness ; deep conversations under the moonlight ; sharing the same fears we never uttered aloud ; feeling trapped under the same pretense of freedom ; watching clouds & constellations ; staying awake until seven am to see the sun rise.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ wings are freedom only if they are open in flight. on one’s back they are a heavy weight . ❞

› 𝑽𝑰𝑰𝑰. JUSTICE .

❝ represents justice, fairness, truth and the law. you are being called to account for your actions and will be judged accordingly. as you explore your truth, you will discover that things are not as clear-cut as you had thought . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 –––––– admitting to his past relationship with his own predecessor put a huge toll on dante’s shoulders, and you now observe him with more care, an attention you never truly bestowed upon the trickster of your circlet. his distress might tug at your heartstrings, it might make you wonder –– you might see him differently, now. your relationship might be strained. perhaps, you desire to reach out, offer the support he never asked for. perhaps, you do not know how. you are curious and worried, but the feelings of betrayal still linger on your bloodstream, whether you like it or not. should you ask for clarifications? step further into his personal space? should you step back, abstain from commenting anything? does he need your help? does he even care about what you think?

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ you don’t know me at all, son lux + stop crying your heart out, oasis + all for us, labrinth & zendaya.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ lingering stares across the room ; desiring to speak but now knowing how ; sending text messages but not wanting to read the replies ; sheepish smiles & shared silences ; holding back your tears, even while near loved ones ; solitary nights with clouds covering every star. i worry for you, dear one, but you make it so hard to take care of you. when it rains, we hold each other’s hands. you taste sour, i taste bittersweet, but we still love. i would do it all for you, why won’t you ask for it?

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine . ❞

› 𝑿𝑽. THE DEVIL, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝ calls on you to confront your inner fears to free yourself from the chains that bind you to your limiting beliefs and unhealthy attachments. it can also appear when you are going into your deepest, darkest places. you seek to understand your innermost shadows so you can either release them or integrate them into your life in a more constructive way . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– you struggle, and you struggle hard. you would never admit you’re going through a heavy time, perhaps not even to yourself. you move lightly, with grace, and no one questions the tightness of your smile. it’s easy, like this –– except you’re tired, and your bones ache, and you can barely sleep at night. it surprises you, however, once you find the bright emerald drinking by himself in one of the shitty bars you go whenever life gets rough. you sit by his side, you both share a sigh & a shot. he finds out one of your many secrets, and you discover some of his scars, and the pills on his pocket. you hold his hand, and he takes you home safely, kisses your forehead while bidding you good night. you share many text messages, and you meet up often. you get better at recognizing the signs of sadness on each other’s faces. life is not any happier, but now, at least–– you have an emergency contact. you can sob on his shoulders until you fall into unconsciousness. he smiles at you in the morning and brings you coffee. no more words are needed.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ shadows, warpaint + blinding, florence and the machine + haunt, banks.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ blue shades ; melancholy ; van gogh’s paintings ; scars that never fade away ; the dull ache of quiet piano strings echoing throughout an empty room at the darkest hour. inebriated confessions ; hushed conversations ; many bottles of whiskey, both cheap & incredibly expensive. not knowing much about each other, and yet discovering the hidden away pieces by yourself. becoming dependent on the emotion of being understood & seen. helping each other up and forward, even when there is no strength left. exhausted & broken smiles ; thunderstorms ; lending you my jacket and never getting it back, because you need as much comfort as you can get ; dancing in the rain & laughing about it hard and loud.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ i have no more room for grief for it is everywhere now . ❞

› 𝑿𝑽𝑰𝑰. THE STAR, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝ can mean that you’ve lost faith and hope. you may be desperately calling out to the universe to give you some reprieve but struggling to see how the divine is on your side. take a moment to ask yourself what the deeper life lesson is, and how this is a blessing, not a punishment. the reversed star is a test of faith . ❞

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 –––––– the opal society, more than ever, seems like bullshit to you. you are angry, upset, distraught–– you can think of many words that echo your insatisfaction, and this initiation process no longer looks like something you want to be a part of. life is a burden heavy enough without a secret society wrapped in the mayhem of horny young adults tying you to statues. you definitely didn’t expect for dante, of all people, to become a guiding light –– the one that took his own initiation as a joke, broke the rules, and is known for frequently getting in trouble? how the fuck could that guy give you answers? truth be told, he doesn’t –– nothing is ever easy with him, it seems, and no surface-level impression seems to make him justice. the both of you now speak frequently, and he helps you stabilize your thoughts –– the guy can manage to give out some decent advice, at least, and you might even trust him, now. he likes pros & cons lists, and also vaguely pointing at the light at the end of the tunnel, just enough so it will fill you with hope. it is enough, for now.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ i need some sleep, eels + i’ll die anyway, girl in red + i found, amber run.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ an unexpected discovery ; knowledge where you thought least possible to find. the trade of fears & unsure confessions ; gentle parental guidance into the shoes meant for you to fit. tender reassurances over the phone ; a pat on the back ; a small gift that means “ i am proud of you ”. rediscovering the love for one’s circlet through the eyes of another. silent promises ; candles & wishes you never shared before ; feeling as if you’ve known someone from your past lives & forever carrying them in your heart.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ you are in conflict with yourself. you are holding yourself in check. you are paralyzing yourself . ❞

› 𝑿𝑰𝑿. THE SUN, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝ is calling to your inner child to come out and play. see it as your permission slip to leave behind your responsibilities, even just for a moment, and play. you may have experienced setbacks that damaged your enthusiasm and optimism and perhaps led you to question whether you can achieve what you set out to do . ❞

𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋 –––––– dante is a disappointment to you. he let you down or hurt your feelings, and you can’t forgive him for that ( and you won’t even try, because he doesn’t deserve it ). there are plenty of good memories attached to his name, but it all has turned sour, and you want to watch it crash & burn. he might try and make amends, but you know he doesn’t even care for you, deep down –– he is trying for your sake, perhaps, but not because he nourishes an affection for you, and that stings. if it has to be like this, you want at least to let him know how irresponsible actions are not easily forgiven. a broken heart for another seems fair trade to you, and you no longer care for entertaining an endless discussion, as long as you’re on the winning side.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ╱ view here.

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ╱ no one loves me & neither do i, them crooked vultures + motion sickness, phoebe bridgers + eyes, nose, lips, tablo.

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 ╱ unanswered phone calls ; ghosting ; writing letters just to burn them. cold war & avoidance. knowing that you want what you can not have. marble statues ; an empty bed ; freezing fingers & no one to hold your hand. emptiness ; the feeling of being unworthy ; lighting a match once the power goes out & sitting alone at your couch, daydreaming. bittersweet intimacy. the fact that someone you now hate knows way too much about you. not letting go.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ╱ ❝ he fatally wounded me; that is, he gave me the wound that only love could repair . ❞

#opalstask #opalsplots #𝑰𝑰𝑰 : WANTED .#this is .. so long #im sorry if its messy and it doesnt make sense a

8 notes · View notes

soft-and-certain · 4 years

Text

That Unwanted Animal: An Analysis of Feeling Trapped

This is a theory I haven’t seen anywhere yet (after a cursory, surface-level check through the tags) and I feel like it’s worth sharing. I’ll be going pretty much line by line, which means this’ll be long. Trigger warning for discussion of toxic relationships, and their emotional and physical aspects.

So many of the posts I’ve seen about That Unwanted Animal focus on the raw sexual energy and feral quality of the song, which is definitely worth talking about - I mean, have you heard Madeleine Hyland’s voice? It’s a wonder I don’t drop dead because my heart ceases beating. But the first time I listened to it, my mind took me in quite a different direction. To me, it tells the story of a person trapped in an emotionally draining - possibly even abusive - relationship.

The song opens quietly, but it has an undercurrent of frantic energy behind it. Her whispering vocals carry this along, almost sounding like she doesn’t want to be heard, at least at first.

You try so loud to love me, I cannot seem to hear ‘Cause you, you touch, my skin peels off like paint But beneath all of our panting, there’s this noise I cannot shake Can’t you hear the scratching, there’s something at the door

No matter how satisfying physical love can be, it won’t replace the feeling that comes with communication and intimacy. Her lover seems to be unaware of her discomfort, the disconnect between them. Perhaps she is good at hiding her feelings, or he is just oblivious. He could also be ignoring it, which would add a whole other layer of unease.

And as you grip me like an animal that you’re about to spear “Be good to me,” I whisper. And you say, “What?” And I say, “Nothing, dear”

This line hits particularly hard. Not being able to voice your needs, desires, and concerns in a relationship (regardless of the type of relationship) is terrifying, and is one of the reasons for the anxiety that I felt the first time I listened to the song.

The fact that he “grips her like an animal” is also indicative of the situation. Perhaps the first thought of many would be passion, but that is definitely not what came across for me.

While we’re at it, let’s talk about her tone as she says this. Across the album, she proves that her voice can convey a multitude of emotions; here, to me, she almost sounds afraid.

Can’t you hear it? It can hear you It wants me to Throw the plate at the wall

Now she’s reached her breaking point. She’s finally had enough, and all that bottled up emotion has to let itself out. Shit’s about to get real. (Let’s have a moment of silence for the absolute power in her voice during the break. My gay heart.)

I’m the paper cut that kills you, I’m the priest that you ignored I’m the touch you crave, I’m the plans that you made, but fuck all your plans I’m bored And can’t you hear that scratching? I ask your eyes

Her lover truly loves her, planned his life around her, but she wants nothing to do with his plans anymore. Maybe she never did in the first place, or she’s only just realized that what she wants and what he wants out of life is very different. Their relationship has stagnated, and she’s begging him to realize what he’s doing to her. Can’t he hear that scratching? Can’t he see how she feels?

I’ve got knuckle burn from typing all these lines into your chest And as the belt from your buckle is tightening I make shipwrecks out of my dress And the door below it splinters, and the creature creeps inside

Ah, emotional labor. In a healthy relationship, this labor would be performed equally by both parties in a give-and-take situation. Sadly, as happens so many times in real life, that does not seem to be the case here. The creature - her unexpressed frustration, anger, and discomfort - has finally been realized.

And we fall into each other, the scratching grows so loud Because that unwanted animal wants nothing more than to get out And I scream “What’s the time, Mister Wolf?” But you, you’re blind, you bleat, you bear your claws

Wow. This part of the song is what makes me go completely feral, there’s so much ragged emotion in the music. They think that maybe, just maybe, if they ignore the problem and try to fix it with sex, it’ll just go away. (Spoiler alert - that never works).

Her “unwanted animal” grows stronger and stronger, and she tries to reason with it, to bargain and deny and shove it down. But it refuses to be reasoned with, and only grows worse.

This could also, again, be referencing her lover’s insensitivity (he’s blind, he bears his claws; he senses a fight but not the reasons why).

And you rip my ribcage open and devour what’s truly yours And our screaming joins in unison, I cry out to the lord Cos if we join our hands in prayer enough To God I imagine it all starts to sound like applause

Another hint at the more.. toxic physical aspects of their relationship. Maybe it’s just a metaphor! Who knows? But it certainly sounds scary.

Though she is angry, her heart is still “truly [his]” and they still love each other. They’re just tearing each other apart. Her cynicism towards prayer is something I and many of my friends have experienced firsthand, especially the mentality of “Why doesn’t God fix this? Why does he allow it to go on?” That’s the energy I get from this.

But that second wind is coming love, it’s coming for all we own And on the creature scratches, it doesn’t know how to get out

She knows that the dissonance between them is destroying their relationship, and she’s desperate to make it out in one piece. But she doesn’t know how to bring it up with her lover, to explain to him that this can’t last, and she’s afraid of the disruption such a confession could unleash between them. This song serves as an aside to the audience, I think. An outlet for her creature. And yet, the confrontation is inevitable.

And you, you follow philosophies, but me, I laugh I choke “Well hello, my hollow Holofernes.” I wink but you don’t get the joke “Hold the hand of the god-child,” they said, “as he falls from the sky”

I’m going to be honest, I also don’t get the joke. Is it about the historical figure or the Shakespearean character? What is she implying? Clarifications welcome!

I’ve done a lot of choking over philosophies, myself. If you can’t understand why a person believes what they do, or how they could ever come to such a conclusion in the first place, it’s definitely going to put extra strain on an already tense relationship. Combined with the societal expectation for women to perform a disproportionate amount of emotional labor in romantic relationships (holding the hand of the “god-child,” so to speak) and you get a very, very unhealthy situation.

Be good to me I beg of him Be good to me I beg of him Be good be good be good be good be good be good be good And he replies… “No no, not I.”

The rawness of her voice as she sings this is what breaks me. She’s literally begging him to be good to her. And he won’t. This is the moment when my stomach sank and my heart went pounding and it’s so good and yet so awful at the same time. It’s releasing a breath I didn’t know I had been holding for the whole song. It’s realizing that this relationship will end up ripping her to shreds if she can’t get out. If the creature doesn’t get out.

But, in both the literal and metaphorical sense, they’re trapped.

________________________________________________________________

Huge thanks to everyone who read the entire thing. Discussion is welcomed and appreciated! This song is beautifully written, beautifully composed, and I am absolutely in love with it! Exploring every aspect of a piece of media is one of my favorite activities, especially for such a labor of love as this album.

#the amazing devil #the horror and the wild #that unwanted animal #joey batey #madeleine hyland #music #lyrics #analysis #theory #emotional labor #emotional abuse #physical violence #kinda #toxic relationship #mine

16 notes · View notes

lilacjaemin · 5 years

Text

pas a deux

pairing: ballet dancer!jeno x gender neutral reader

genre: the tiniest bit fluff, mostly angst :(

warnings: mentions of anxiety and an unhealthy relationship

word count: 3.3k

summary: “the thought of you not being there anymore was scarier than any recital, any audition, any injury, any performance he could ever face.”

a/n: listen. if you haven't ever pictured ballerina jeno already pls do and thank me later

jeno felt at home when his body arabesqued across a newly polished floor, and you felt at home watching his body move in ways you could only dream of. every morning you'd send him off to practice with lunch and a kiss and every night you’d rub his shoulders as he soaked his tired feet. ballet was jeno’s life, but so were you. you knew his body was an extension of his heart and his feelings. he brought you to tears constantly, the way he moved under the bright lights, the toned muscles of his arms and legs. he was expressing himself, releasing stress, doing what he absolutely adored, but he was dancing for you too.

he worked hard. he pushed himself further than anyone in his dance company. he taught younger kids and became their favorite instructor, he was the owner’s right-hand man, he knew the security code of the studio from frequent late nights. he never left until he felt he executed everything perfectly, especially in the weeks leading up to his recitals.

the last recital of the year was the one that mattered the most. scouts from universities, other companies, a huge audience, his family visiting from overseas, it was the roughest patch of your relationship each time it rolled around, and if you were honest, you dreaded it. he was overworking himself and snapping at you if you tried to help. those days were tough on you two. he was tired, irritable, you rarely saw him, and it put strain on your relationship, but it always ended up okay. jeno tried his hardest to remember you were there for him and that he didn't have to endure the stress alone. he had ballet, and he had you to balance him out. you spent many nights falling asleep without arms around you and woke up many mornings to a cold bed, but you still did your best to deliver lunch and greet him with a smile, even when his face was creased with worry and his eyebrows furrowed together in concern.

he rarely got nervous, but when he did he was a hurricane of trembling hands, watery eyes and rapid breathing. you first discovered how bad his nerves could be during the first year you became a couple. the night before the last recital he was running his hands through his hair so much that some strands started to fall out into his hands. he’d pull at his scalp until his fingers hurt, and it took much coaxing to get him to stop. you grabbed his wrists and kissed his knuckles, begging him to calm down. it was that same night that you discovered what soothed him. he held you close, his cheek pressed to the pulse in the curve of your neck. as long as he could feel you anchoring him through the storm he would settle his breathing and be lulled to sleep.

jeno had a few performances in the big recital this year and he mentioned to you that one of them was a pas a deux. duets scared you in the beginning, wondering if a fellow ballerina would sweep jeno off his feet. now you thought nothing of it however, confident in jeno and his ability to pour emotion into his dance, but keep his heart reserved for you. you never felt like your relationship was jeopardized by any partner. ever.

-----

during the first week of rehearsals he had called to tell you he would be staying later than usual. you looked at the time and knew he hadn’t eaten for hours, so rather than heed his advice to go to sleep without him, you grabbed his jacket and walked out the door. you picked up his favorite takeout and made your way up to the top floor of the studio. you pushed the door to the practice room open expecting to see him doing pirouettes in the mirror. instead you were met with another pair of pretty arms around your boyfriend, her leg in his hand.

he had an expression on his face that you couldn’t quite read as his eyes trailed over to you and the greasy bag in your grasp. he seemed happy to see you, but also like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t. he quickly dropped her leg back to the floor and wiped the sweat from his temple, walking over to you. he pecked your lips, mumbling that you shouldn’t have and that he missed you. the other dancer watched, jealousy and annoyance riddling her features. she disappeared from your view behind jeno for a moment, reappearing with a smile plastered on her face.

“you know,” she began, pushing the words out from behind her teeth, “jeno is an incredible teacher. i’ve admired his skills since i joined this company. i’m so excited to work with him.”

your eyes moved from her to jeno beside you, a slight tint on his ears, from the compliment or the situation you weren’t sure.

“yes,” you cleared your throat, “he’s so talented.”

she nodded, seeming to watch the way jeno looked at you, her mouth twisted upwards. she placed her hands on his shoulders and you tried not to stare at her polished fingers working circles into his back as you spoke.

“i brought you dinner,” you turned to him, “you told me not to wait up but i couldn’t resist.”

he smiled, thanking you for the food and pressing a kiss to your forehead, but he didn’t move away from her grasp.

“we won’t be much longer, you can stay and watch if you like. then we can walk home together.” he glanced at the clock, taking one bite before heading to start the music over again.

“oh, yeah maybe. i don’t know, i’m pretty tired.” you forced a smile through pursed lips. your heart ached. watching jeno in his element was one the most beautiful sights your eyes could ever see- and he had done many pas a deux dances before- but the way she looked at him told you something was wrong.

you went to the back corner, staring as the two wove together in a way that made your stomach knot up. he hoisted her up over his head, his hands at her waist, and for a moment you thought you saw her eyes flash to you in the mirror, a smirk playing on her lips. your chest felt tight and you dropped your gaze to the floor, quietly exiting the room. jeno was so focused he never noticed you leave.

you were awake when jeno came home. you were awake when you heard the shower turn on and soft humming slip through the cracks in the doorframe. cracks. that’s what you felt in your relationship. a hairline crack with a wedge rammed through it. a wedge wearing tights and a tutu.

you were awake when the bed dipped down. you were awake when the blankets moved. you were awake when an arm was strewn across your body. you looked down at it, appearing the same way it did when it graced her pretty little waist, but it was different. things were different.

the next morning you watched the swirls of steam curl out of your coffee. you halfheartedly pressed a kiss to the corner of jeno’s mouth, earning a whine from him as he finished putting his hoodie on over his head.

“is everything okay?” he asked, finishing the last bite of his toast, “i’m sorry i was so late last night, it took longer than we thought and-“

“everything is fine. have a great day.” you mumbled, picking your mug up and trudging to the bedroom. you heard the door shut, and only then did you allow yourself to exhale.

-----

you tried to visit jeno once more, but as you peeked in the window you saw a part of the dance where they were chest to chest. from then on you avoided jeno as much as you could, which was unusual for recital week. normally you were always in the studio with him, running around and getting him whatever he needed to do his best, but the thought of having to see her made your stomach turn. and you couldn’t tell him. not when he was so stressed out. so you chose to stay out of his way. you didn’t wait up for him, you kept conversation short, you often times moved out of his grasp during the night. and jeno began to notice.

the combination of the pressure and you distancing yourself from him was messing with his head. it boiled up inside him until he arrived home in a bitter mood, slamming the front door behind him and pulling the book you were reading out of your hands.

“what is going on with you?” he demanded.

“what do you mean?”

“you know what i mean!” he was doing his best to keep his composure.

“i don’t-“

“you’re not even acting like we’re dating anymore!” the first swipe of his hand through his hair.

“what are you talking about jeno?”

“what is the problem? did i do something? did something happen? why have you been so distant lately?” his face softened, anger pushed aside by fear.

you hesitated. now would be a bad time to tell him, right?

“please. tell me.” he urged.

“jeno,” you inhaled, “it’s your dance partner.”

maybe he’d be understanding. maybe he would see the signs too and realize that she-

“what?” his eyes changed. you could see the anger seep back in.

“she just-“

“you’ve got to be kidding me,” his voice started to get louder, “that’s what this is about?”

“jeno let me explain-“

“are you jealous? we’ve been over this! i can’t believe-“

“JENO!” you shouted over him. you two rarely ever yelled at each other. he swiped his hand through his hair for the second time.

“she clearly likes you and is trying to get with you-“

“you’ve been pushing me away during the most stressful weeks of my life because you think i’m getting too close with my dance partner? are you serious?” something ignited in him. this wasn’t going to end well.

“you don’t see the way she looks at you? acts around you? you don’t see what’s going on?”

“i do. i see what’s going on,” his jaw tightened, “you’re letting literally nothing get in between us.”

he headed towards the door.

“i’m staying at jaemin’s tonight. maybe tomorrow too.”

“jeno we should talk about this-”

“i can’t be around you right now. unbelievable.” he huffed, slamming the door behind him.

he was blind to her behavior. this was about dance to him. not her.

the silence in the apartment consumed you.

----

the next few days were a blur. on the third night of coming home to a dark apartment you wrapped yourself in blankets and watched the sky from your window.

you were tracing the stars with your eyes when the bed dipped down. you were counting the spots you could see on the moon when the blanket moved. it wasn’t until an hour later when you peeled your eyes from the sky to quickly glance over your shoulder. you were met with the sight of jeno’s back. his hair was a mess.

----

jeno was gone in the morning, but you couldn’t handle another second in that apartment when the only noise you heard were your own footsteps. you went to the studio, relieved to find him alone, watching as his body twirled again and again in front of the mirror. you were about to leave when you heard a thud and a grunt. you ran into the room worried he had gotten hurt, only to find your boyfriend crumpled on the floor, his fist slamming into the ground repeatedly. you rushed forward, collecting the crying heap of a boy into your arms.

“jeno,” you held him to your chest, “jeno it’s okay. it’s okay i’m here.” you cooed.

you pulled at his chin, wanting him to look at you, to see that you were with him. his sad gaze met yours and you sucked in a breath. the dark rings around jeno’s eyes told you that the last three days weren’t only tough on you.

“i’m sorry,” he breathed shakily, “i’ll never leave like that again.” he wrapped his arms around you and pressed his cheek into your neck.

and for a moment, everything seemed okay again. old fights were forgotten and recital preparation resumed.

----

the cushy auditorium seat did little to comfort you as you waited for jeno’s final performance. you sent him a quick text, wishing him good luck. he replied, but not with a thank you, or a heart emoji like you had expected. he asked if you could record his dance. you almost never recorded him, far too absorbed in watching him in person to worry about a screen, but you reluctantly agreed to anyway. the lights dimmed around you and you pointed your phone at the stage, sucking in a breath when he and his partner walked out hand in hand.

the music began and you were once again mesmerized, the choreography was stunning. describing a pair of troubled lovers through the course of their relationship, the two intertwined in a way that made your hands tremble. the way he caressed her and pulled her around the floor raising goosebumps on your arms. you steadied yourself, glancing down at your phone to make sure it was centered, when the music started to crescendo. your head shot up just in time to see jeno twirl her over his head in a breathtaking lift. he released her and she rolled down into his arms, the music stilling for a moment as they were face to face. they stared at each other, chests heaving. the entire audience waited with baited breath.

there was a pause. a palpable feeling of tension hanging in the air. she planted her feet on the floor and just as the music began to return, she pressed her lips to his.

there were gasps in the audience, all of them assuming it was a stunning moment in the choreography. the look on jeno’s face was unreadable, he had to finish the performance, he couldn’t just push her away. he had to bury the emotions he was feeling and continue to pretend that he was in love with her. you could hardly see anymore, your vision cloudy and your eyes burning. you ran out of the theater, praying the dim lighting hid your emotions. you burst through the doors, the cold air whipping at your tear streaked face. you slid down the wall, trying to feel the brick behind you, gasping and crying and shaking, the image of jeno kissing someone else burned into your mind.

the piece ended with her tearing her arm from his grip and walking off, leaving him to cry in the middle of the stage.

the music turned solemn and she stormed away, jeno crumpled onto his knees, real tears seeping through his hands.

the crowd erupted in applause, clapping for what they had done. he felt ashamed. when the lights turned off jeno ran for his life. he pushed past other dancers, stage hands, scouters, friends and family, through the double doors to the outside. he frantically rubbed at the lipstick on his face.

you were walking home when he crashed into you. he desperately called your name. his tights were still on, he was barefoot, you could still see a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead, and his eyes were glossy and red. he was panicked trying to hold on to you, to get you to stop, to listen.

“please,” he shook your shoulders, “you have to believe me. i had no idea she’d do that.”

you stared at the faded red stain on his mouth for a moment, feeling the last piece of your heart shatter in your chest. you tore your arms from his grip and began to walk away. he began to continue after you, but you shook your head.

“jeno,” you whispered, your voice broken, “please just… leave me alone.”

you turned, leaving him to cry in the middle of the street.

----

you trudged home, wondering how long it would take you to collect your belongings and find somewhere else to stay, when you realized in your rush you left your phone in the auditorium. you didn’t want to step anywhere near that place ever again, but you turned on your heel and headed back the way you came.

the theater was dark when you arrived, everyone but the dancers themselves had gone home. you felt around for your phone on the seats and find it, hundreds of texts and calls from jeno waiting on your screen. you cleared the notifications as you made your way back out, hearing sneers and laughs from around the corner.

“i can’t believe he didn’t expect it! i had been wanting to do that ever since we started practicing together.”

your heart stilled.

“his lips are so soft. hopefully now he’ll dump them and finally be with me. i bet i’m a better kisser anyway.”

the sound of a metal door being thrown open made you flinch. out stormed jeno, headed straight towards the group of ballerinas. he grabbed her by the arm and you almost looked away, afraid he was going to kiss her again. instead he exploded, his voice a tone and volume you had never heard before.

“how dare you. how could you? you knew about my relationship, you knew how much they mean to me!” he roughly ran his hand through his hair.

“jeno calm down it was just for the effect-“

“you ruined everything. you ruined the best thing about my life!” you could hear tears coating his voice, “don’t even think about ever speaking to me again.” he pushed past her and out of the building.

the confusion and pain and hurt flooded in alongside realization. jeno was telling the truth.

you ran after him. there were tears in his eyes and his makeup was smudged, his hair more disheveled than you had ever seen it before. you crashed into him and tugged him down by his shirt, kissing him until you were gasping. the way his hands gripped your jacket and the way his tongue moved with yours told you that jeno’s heart didn’t belong to anyone but you. however, he tasted like her lipstick. it made your chest tight. you pulled back.

“i’m so sorry, i’m sorry i didn’t believe you. you tried to warn me and i didn’t listen.”

he smelled like her perfume. you felt dizzy.

“i’m so stupid, i didn’t see the signs. i didn’t consider your feelings. i’m the worst boyfriend alive. i’m so sorry. i don’t wanna lose you, i don’t know what i’d do without you, please forgive me.” his voice was unsteady, his shoulders still shaking from the adrenaline and nerves and fear. the thought of you not being by his side was scarier than any recital, any audition, any injury, any performance, anything he could ever face.

you thought about every night you fell asleep with a pounding headache from crying. you thought about all the stress, the demands he made, the ways you helped him that he ignored, you remembered the meaningless fights that were always just glossed over, the way he left for three days, the way he let his emotions get the best of him. he expected you to be there. he knew you would always stay, even when he didn’t deserve it.

you weren’t happy. you hadn't been in a long time, but you let it slide just like everything else. your heart hurt, but you made up your mind.

“i love you, but i don’t think i can keep doing this.”

“no. please,” he whispered, moving forward to press his cheek to the curve of your neck, “I know i don’t tell you nearly enough, but i love you.”

you pushed him away, watching the panic set into his features. his hand flew to his hair. you grabbed his wrist.

“take care of yourself jeno.”

268 notes · View notes

booksbookandmorebooks · 4 years

Text

Things i didn't like about the little women 2019 movie.

Hello my lovelies! I am back today with my second part of my previous little women review, this section as you could probably tell is based around all the issues I had with the movie, but I do want to put a little disclaimer. I am sure some of my points will have explanations if not, more detail about the points I will be making but due to the fact I haven't read much of the book I am looking at this with no previous knowledge and just the information and story I was provided with from the film, I also want to make clear majority of these issues are with the story not the actual movie creation and direction. So with that in mind, please be kind and lets dive in!

Laurie's character development.

Now before I start I want to make it clear, I liked the character of Laurie initially, the first few scenes we see him in he is fun loving, carefree and just a big kid. We see him absolutely flourish within the girls company but yet the huge 180 in his over all character was a little alien to me and left me feeling very confused and if I'm honest, a little irritated. His demeanour in the second half of the movie is so very different. We see him change from his childish self to this very self absorbed and self destructive person, for example when we attends the ball and sees Amy, he is sloppily dressed, drunk and extremely ill mannered, completely disregarding the stress and repercussions that this situation will later cause Amy. Which is so contradictory to his earlier caring nature we grew to love.

Another prime example is again, when he approaches Amy in the gardens when she is sketching, he comes across so egotistical and smarmy. Almost expecting Amy when faced with his advances to fall to her knees and become so grateful he has even graced her by seeing her in a romantic light. Which is a disgusting trait in any male or female character. Are we expected to believe that years later, Jo's rejection is still playing so heavily in his mind it has caused him to spiral? We have all faced breakups, rejections and unrequited love and while yes they are hard to deal with and can see, soul destroy at he time we inevitably move on and learn from them which Laurie clearly hasn't. Which leads me to my next point.

Amy.

Yes, Amy hands down is my favourite character as I see her as the most layered out of all the girls but the story line with Laurie just frustrated my inner independent woman.

Going back to the garden scene with her and Laurie, we see her completely tear him down, we see her show him strength regardless of how hard it was for her to contain her feelings, feeling which we are told have been building for years, we see her explain to him the hurt and offence he has caused her while confessing his so called feelings to her because when you think of it from her point of view, she has had feelings for him from a very young age, but has accepted that is her burden to carry and that she has no hand in his feelings for Jo which is a hard situation but is out of her control and sadly, is out of his. A typical and heart breaking case of unrequited love. so really there is no blame and no insult shared, yet when Jo rejects him he decides that Amy is his next best shot and he begins to play on his knowledge of her feelings for him and use this to his own personal advantage by manipulating her feelings and falling back onto plan B.

All of this she is aware of an refuses to subject her self to such degrading actions, which is something we rarely see happen in movies, and had me really feeling for her. Stuck in a hard place of heart break and inner strength BUT hard cut to the ending of the movie, we find that she had disregarded all those facts and feelings by giving into Laurie and we learn they have in fact married. Which just left me very shocked and disappointed in her. I expected this from Laurie but not Amy.

Laurie's confession.

Now this, this scene hurt my heart and angered my soul for many reasons. When Laurie informs Jo of his marriage my heart broke for her, because he did it in such a heartless way, which in turn solidified my belief that Laurie's intentions were to hurt Jo in this scene and that was all that was behind it. When you really look at it, you can say he didn't know of Jo’s feelings towards him, but why then tell her he will always have feelings for her, because if he genuinely believed that he wouldn't have felt the need to soften the blow by confessing that. It makes no sense! He continues to tell her his love for Amy is very different, that's it's real love, not puppy love. Knowing of their past, and knowing the intense relationship romantic or not his delivery boarders on nasty in it's careless delivery.

Yes, I am aware Jo made it clear she had no romantic feelings for Laurie but It was so very obvious that Jo was just scared, she was scared of loosing who she was to a man so much so that she rejected him and if he really knew her as well as I know he did he could see the situation for what it really was, a scared young girl pressured into making a decision that she felt would change not only her life but herself. He could always see through her lies, so why not now? No. Laurie was hurt by her rejection and whether it was subconsciously or not, he wanted to tell her the news see her reaction and hurt her the way she hurt him.

Have you ever made a joke about something to someone and they pretend they're fine with it but really you know it's caused offence or upset because they keep referring to it and bringing it up? Yeah, well Laurie brings up his past relationship with Jo two three times in the space of about five minutes, in front of a variety of people which include his wife. Not only does that show he has not moved on as he so clearly claims, but that again he disregards his wife's feelings and upset through this specific comment.

The timing of said confession.

Can we also take a second to talk about the god damn timing?! He decides to tell her, on the day of her sister funeral, are you joking?! How entitled do you have to be to think your new marriage takes precedence over the death of a person and not just anyone, a close friend and sister of you, your wife and your life long friends. if i have by chance got my timelines messed up please correct me because this was just a shock to me when watching.

Now don't worry, I'm going to stop ripping these characters apart now and move on to one other issue I had. I know all of these will most probably be a little controversial and I remind you, this is just an opinion post so please be respectful, but...

Jo and Friedrich Bhaer.

While I am of the opinion Jo and Laurie should of been together, I promise in spite of the beginning of this post I'm not bitter about it. But this was another match I wasn't feeling. I understand that relationships aren't perfect, and sometime you can't force what may appear to be the perfect and ideal match but these two were a bit of stretch.

The fact that this was the man who was supposed to change Jo’s mind about marriage(something her unofficial childhood sweetheart couldn't manage)and he had about as much chemistry with our girl as I have with my current diet was just straight up disappointing. I mean, Something's just aren't meant to be and this, is one of them. Throughout the movie, their relationship seemed strained, and not in the cute love hate cliche we see a lot of, but In a very fractured and unhealthy way. The whole thing I felt was a stretch, there is no time spent developing their relationship apart from an exchange of a few minor looks between the two of what I'm assuming is supposed demonstrate some type of affection and longing. Eye roll.

I am aware the movie does make fun of this ending and mock its absurdity due to the way it portrays the publishers pushing for a perfect if not cliche romantic ending and while I do appreciate that that initial forced ending is something I just couldn't get over and had to include.

And that my friends, are all the issues I had with little women. Although, regardless of these issues I still did love this movie with my whole heart and the affection I felt for this film completely over shadows this negativity. No movie or story will be perfect. Movies and books are so personal and everyone will have a difference of opinions which is what I love about them so please let me know your thoughts below. Until next time have a fantastic week!

Over all rating : 8.5/10.

Love, love, love love.

#little women #little women 2019 #little women movie #little women movie 2019 #little women movie review 2019 #the march girls #jo march #meg march #beth march #amy march #timothee chalamet #emma watson #Florence Pugh #Eliza Scanlen #little women book #movie review #things i didnt like about

21 notes · View notes

winterisakillerwrites · 4 years

Text

Love & Great Buildings - Chapter Six

Chapter: 6/19

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: Three years have passed and a chance encounter brings Tom and Rosie together again. Can time make any difference or are they doomed to repeat their mistakes.

Rating: M

Author’s Notes/Warnings: This is part nine of Last Minutes & Lost Evenings. Many thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for listening to me ramble incessantly about this story and being a sounding board when I needed it. You are a lifesaver, even if your stories break my heart.

CHAPTER SIX

It had taken Rosemary nearly another full week to start to feel more or less herself again. The guilt was still there, waiting for moments of calm to rear its ugly head, but a sense of resignation and weary acceptance had taken root in her. She had taken things too far and he had walked away. It had been almost two weeks since that she’d seen him last and no word, for good or ill. She hadn’t been surprised; it’s what she would have done. Cut him out before more damage could take root and not look back. But knowing that didn’t make any of its aftermath any easier to stand.

There were times she could have sworn she’d caught glimpses of him on the street as she traveled between the shop and her flat. But when she would stop and look back because maybe this time, just maybe, there was no trace of him. And it was hard, during those times, to stop the crushing sense of loss and defeat that would overwhelm her. She knew it was her mind playing tricks on her, her subconscious seeking out some part of him. Wishful thinking at its best.

She had pulled out her phone so many times, opened to his name in her contact list, finger hovering over the dial button. But she hadn’t brought herself to actually do so. He’d made it perfectly clear that he hadn’t wanted to speak with her. Forcing the issue would likely only make matters worse. She’d wanted to though; she wanted to desperately. It was a feeling she wasn’t sure would fade over time but maybe it would be easier to bear. Please let it be easier.

But she had forced herself to go about her life. The newest Stories was slowly but surely starting to stand on its own. Hanna had taken to managing more of its day to day operations but Rosemary remained on hand to help with the larger matters. It was a strange thing, letting another hold the reins to what had always been her baby. But Rosemary knew that it was all part of the process. In time she would transition herself to the original store and hopefully be able to fit herself back into that routine. But for now she flitted in between the two and told herself she was content. She had to be, there wasn’t another option she cared to entertain.

Things unfortunately were still cool between herself and Jules. They had spoken briefly regarding Stories and business matters but neither had overtly mentioned their last tense meeting. Rosemary knew that Jules had wanted to breach the subject, whether to apologize or continue the argument further, she wasn’t sure, and had done everything in her power to shut her down. She knew that she wasn’t being precisely fair to Jules, that the fault had been ultimately hers and hers alone, but it did little to temper the resentment she felt. Time, she hoped, would help cool her ire. Time and a bit of distance.

Rosemary took a deep breath and wrapped her coat tightly against the brisk chill of the late March afternoon. She’d been on several errands, both for the store and for herself. She juggled both of the now incredibly heavy tote bags to her left shoulder and fumbled in her pocket for her set of store keys. It amazed her how easily she tended to lose things in those pockets, especially since they weren’t overly large. One of the many mysteries of the universe, she thought with a snort of amusement. Several minutes and curses later she managed to locate them and made quick work of the door’s lock, shoving it open with her hip.

The store had closed early that particular Saturday afternoon to get a jump start on inventory reconciliation. Something that in past had taken a good two days, more without suitable help. It was all hands on deck and Rosemary, in turn, had drawn the short straw and been sent on readies duty. She’d hit the nearest corner shop and unloaded nearly all of their pre-made sandwiches and very nearly decimated their crisp and soft drink stock as well. She had also managed to squeeze in a run to the café across the street and gotten herself a triple espresso, not thinking overly much about the wisdom of ingesting quite so much caffeine. She’d needed it and desperately, especially if she wanted to make it through the coming inventory alive and relatively sane.

“Alright boys and girls,” she called as she pushed the door closed behind her with her foot. “Gather round, for I come bearing massive quantities of food.”

Several grumbles echoed from the stock room in back followed by heavy footfalls. Max was the first to appear, taking the bags from Rosemary’s outstretched hand and placing them with a grunt of effort onto the countertop. Alex, Gabe, and Hanna followed closely behind. Soon the shop front was filled with contented mumbling and the rustling of cling film and crisp packets. Placated with food, the group soon settled into the chaotic routine of inventory. Rosemary found herself laughing and almost happy as she listened to Alex and Max bicker back and forth over who would be tackling the shelved items verses the boxes in back.

“I don’t give a toss which of you does what, but if I here anymore of your bitching I won’t be able to be held accountable for my actions,” Hanna yelled, amusement tinged with annoyance coloring her tone.

Which cued another argument between the two about what exactly counted as bitching and just who’s fault it was. Rosemary and Hanna merely locked eyes and laughed as the boys continued to snipe at one another. There was little else they could do and unless, or until, it came to physical blows it was more or less harmless.

The process was a slow and tedious one. It had taken all Rosemary had to not jump for joy when they’d finally called it quits for the evening. It was ridiculous, she was well aware, but if she stared at anymore figures or lists she was certain she’d lose what little she had left if her mind. The faces of the others told Rosemary she wasn’t alone which was comforting.

Sunday was much the same. Rosemary and Hanna arrived shortly before seven, with the remaining team trickling in an hour or so later. They worked steadily through the morning, breaking occasionally for coffee runs and Max’s frequent cigarette breaks, in which he swore he was simply ‘testing the air quality’. “And I’m the bloody Queen,” Hanna had griped at him on his seventh break of the morning.

Max had good natured rolled his eyes, bowed, and intoned, “Your Majesty,” before heading out into the cold afternoon air.

Gabe had drawn the short straw that afternoon and, with a sigh of thinly veiled annoyance, had made the run to the local pizza joint to pick up the pizzas Hanna had ordered. They ate and laughed, putting off their return to work as long as they could. They finished, finally, sometime in the early evening and parted ways with many a joyous cheer, mainly from Max, Alex, and Gabe.

Rosemary had sent Hanna off as well, electing to remain behind to finish the last of the paperwork and the lock up. She used the now unaccustomed silence to breath and center herself. Her mind bent to the task, she had been able to knock out the remaining work in less than two hours. True, it would have been faster with Hanna’s aid, but Rosemary had needed the distraction.

Going home to her empty flat had been a daunting process. She’d always valued having her own space, had never felt lonely on her own. Until recently. And with her relationship with Jules so strained, she’d been alone more often then not. So she’d volunteered to take on more at the shop, often times coming home too exhausted to think. It wasn’t something she could maintain in the long run, she was well aware of that, nor did it help solve anything. But for now it helped.

It was a pattern she allowed herself to continue in the week that passed. And now with Jules out of commission, she was beginning to feel the strain. Especially on this evening in particular. The day had been hectic; the store had gotten quite busy during the middle of the afternoon, pulling her from her office to help with the overflow and once that had died down she’d been left to sort through the growing queue of online orders.

Normally she and Jules split handling the orders as they arrived, but Jules had a family emergency; her sister had been rushed to the hospital in what was feared to be, and later confirmed as, preterm labor, leaving Rosemary to juggle both locations. It was daunting and had been mentally draining but by the time she had left for the evening, the majority of the orders had been managed, leaving the physical gathering and packing of said items for Gabe and Alex on her end and Samuel on Jules’.

Once she’d arrived home, Rosemary had quickly changed into a pair of worn, but mercifully comfortable track bottoms and an oversized t-shirt. She had exactly zero plans of venturing out of her flat anytime in the near future and comfort was now her number one priority. Anyone who came calling would simply have to accept that. Not that she expected any visitors save whomever delivered her meal of choice for the evening.

She sighed and wandered lazily into the kitchen. At this point all she could think of was curling up on the couch with a blanket and unhealthy amounts of Chinese take-away. She grabbed a glass of water and a menu from the newest Chinese take-away that had sprung up in her neighborhood. It had been left by her door earlier in the week and she was anxious to give them a try.

Food ordered, Rosemary grabbed the remote from the coffee table and set about flicking through the channels hoping to find something that would catch her attention. Three trips through though and she was beginning to lose hope. With a grunt she pushed herself off of the couch and wandered over to the shelf of DVD and Blu-ray discs in the corner, perusing her options. It took several minutes but she soon selected a film; a thriller that would easily occupy her mind, opened its case and placed the disc into the opened tray of the player. She settled herself back onto the couch and watched the disc previews with only the barest hint of attention. She clicked through the start-up menu and started the film, dropping the remote beside her on the couch.

Rosemary nearly jumped out of her skin when a knock sounded at her door. She laughed and shook her head at her own skittishness. Mathews, you seriously need to relax. She quickly pushed herself off the couch and grabbed her purse from its home on the entryway table.

She pulled open the door, wallet in hand. “That was quick, I’m impress…”

Her voice trailed off as her brain fully comprehended just who was standing in her doorway. Tom stood silhouetted by the warm, but dim lighting of the hallway, his expression unreadable. Rosemary gaped at him, vaguely aware of just how unbecoming she must have looked, but at that moment she’d been too stunned to care.

“May I come in?” His voice was soft and even.

Rosemary nodded mutely, standing aside to allow him to pass. He entered without another word. Her mind was screaming with questions. Why was he here? What did he want? Why had he come now? She didn’t trust her voice to speak.

Instead, she watched as he made his way into her tiny living room, stopping in front of the couch but not settling onto it. He turned to face her and she could have sworn she saw a flicker of something in his eyes. She couldn’t place it or rather was not sure she had seen it correctly. It wasn’t the cold, fury laced pain she had seen that last afternoon but a cautious determination. But of what? And to what end?

“Tom,” she breathed, her voice quiet and almost tremulous. “I…I don’t understand…What are you…Why are you here?”

He offered her a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I told you that I needed time.”

Rosemary nodded. She remembered his last words all too clearly. They had replayed over and over on her mind since he’d uttered them. “I remember.” But this didn’t make any sense. He’d asked her to go, told her to leave. Why was he here now?

She watched as Tom paced slowly around the small room. He rubbed his hand through his already tousled hair before shoving both firmly into the pockets of his jeans. “I…” He paused, seemingly to try and gather his thoughts. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Rosemary stared at him in confusion. “What?”

Tom let out a soft, unsure laugh. “I must have picked up the phone a hundred times over the last few weeks. I just…I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. I spent the whole trip here trying to think of what I could say. What I should say. How I could convince you to talk to me.” He paused, his eyes raising to meet hers, confusion and disbelief swirling in their depths. “I didn’t expect you to answer the door. Let alone let me in. But you did, and I don’t understand why.”

Again she gaped at him. Her mind swirling with confusion. Nothing he was saying was making any sense. She was the one who’d lashed out, hurt him. “I…I don’t understand. Tom, you’re not making any sense. I fucked up. I said those horrid things to you. Why the hell would you think that you would need to convince me to talk to you?”

It was Tom’s turn to stare in bewilderment. “I deserved it. And truthfully so much more. You…Rosie, I was horrid to you. I was…Fuck, I still am a selfish cad. I keep fucking up! I keep hurting you! You have every bloody right to be furious with me! And instead of facing up to that I ran.”

He paused, taking a deep breath and dropping himself onto the couch. He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I thought I was too late. That I’d waited too long again, that I’d hurt you too badly for you to ever forgive me. But you opened the door. Why did you open the door?” His voice had gone quite soft, as if he were not really speaking to her anymore. Rosemary had barely heard his last question and continued to stare at him in stunned disbelief. She couldn’t make any sense of any of it.

Rosemary took a deep breath and tried to marshal her thoughts into some semblance of coherency, before slowly lowering herself onto the opposite end of the couch. “I should have called you.” She raised her eyes to his, noting how they mirrored her own confusion. “I wanted to call you. Wanted to apologize.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I was just so angry at you. So fucking angry. And I wanted to hurt you. Hurt you like you’d hurt me. And that was wrong, I knew it and I still did it and I can’t take it back. You aren’t the one who fucked up this time, Tom. I did that. And I am truly, truly sorry.”

Tears blurred her vision and she hastily wiped them away with the back of her hand. The guilt and resentment burning steadily inside her. She felt Tom’s large hand envelope her own, squeezing it gently. The warmth of it was both comfort and torture. Her eyes shot up to his once more.

“Rosie,” he breathed, “Please don’t…”

She shook her head vehemently. “No, Tom. This right here was my own damn fault. Don’t you dare try to take it on yourself.”

Tom laughed despite himself. It was a short, mirthless sound. It sounded wrong coming from his lips. “We could go back and forth on this for ages, darling, and not get anywhere.” He offered her a tentative smile. “We both behaved appalling and we both fell wretched about it, am I right?” His eyes locked on hers, silently pleading for understanding.

Rosemary nodded, a watery smile spreading across her face. “More or less.”

“And apologizing further doesn’t change or fix that?”

She nodded again.

This time the smile he gave her shone lightly in his eyes. Tentatively hopeful and blessedly warm. “You are sorry and so am I. We’ve both done wrong and we can’t change that. It’s done now. So let’s just stop. Call it a truce.”

Rosemary laughed in earnest now. Could it honestly be that easy? If she was being completely honest with herself, she could admit she was doubtful but she still couldn’t deny that the idea was enticing. Maybe it could be that easy, in time.

She shoved him playfully on the arm, not letting herself think too closely at how she’d been so sure such casualness between them was lost for good. “Look at you, Mr. Double First from Cambridge, when did you get so smart?”

Tom smiled and rubbed his hand over the nape of his neck. “Not for lack of trying.” He raised his head, eyes finding hers once more. “I’ve had a lot of time to do a bit of soul searching, if you will. And, though it’s still mostly a work in progress, I’ve learned that talking helps. And talking to someone, especially someone who is objective, makes a difference.”

Rosemary looked at him blankly, trying to process just what he was trying to tell her. And more importantly, why he was telling her. “Talking to someone?” She began, repeating his words, trying to ascertain their meaning. “Like a therapist?”

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand once more, his eyes locked on the table before him. He looked as vulnerable as she’d ever seen him and it tugged at her heart.

Her brows furrowed an unsettling realization nagging at the back of her mind. “Because of what happened? With us?” The words felt wrong, selfish and self-centered and not at all what she’d meant. But she couldn’t seem to find ones that would convey what she desperately wanted to understand.

Tom shook his head, “No. Because of me. Because I didn’t much care for the person I was becoming.” He rested his hands on his knees, eyes locked on the floor. “It got to be too much; the fame, the attention, the scrutiny from the press and fans alike. I’d dealt with it all before, and I thought I had a fairly good handle on it. I was able to tune it out and just go about my life. And then that summer…” he took a deep breath and shrugged. “It got so much worse and it didn’t seem to go away. It didn’t matter what I did, between the cameras and the fans…It was something I was struggling with. Something I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around, couldn’t control. So I threw myself into my work because then at least I could control that. I worked and I worked and I tried to ignore it. And then I met you and I felt like I could breathe. It was all still there but I could forget for a while. And I did and it was wonderful. But it didn’t go away and instead of dealing with it, I ran. And then I threw myself back into work and the vicious cycle started all over again. But this time I wasn’t handling any of it and I couldn’t fake it. Not anymore. I was pushing people away, putting up walls, lashing out. I wasn’t me anymore and that scared the shit out of me. So I sought out help.”

“And did it?” She whispered and, realizing her question wasn’t completely clear, added “Help, I mean.”

Tom raised his eyes and caught Rosemary’s once again, nodding. “It’s helping. It’s a long way yet but yes, I think it’s helping.”

“Good.” She took his hand in hers and squeezed. “I’m glad.”

The knock that sounded at the door startled them both. Rosemary quickly pulled her hands away, confusion coloring her features. What on earth…

And then it hit her, “My food!” She jumped from the couch, grabbing her wallet from the table in the hall where she’d dropped it at Tom’s sudden apparition. She ignored Tom’s chuckle at her unexpected outburst, knowing he’d seen her so far worse.

Rosemary smiled politely at the girl standing at the door, as she took the bag and paid her. Closing the door with her hip, she turned back around and held the bag up towards Tom. “I’d nearly forgotten about this.” She smiled softly at him, “I’ve got enough to feed a small army. You’re welcome to have some…If you want…” she trailed off, feeling like a prize idiot. Or a lovesick fool. No, she cursed at herself. Do not go there.

She watched the indecision play across his face and tried desperately to stamp down her own rising disappointment. Things had been emotionally jumbled and tense between them. Of course he’d want to go. But god, how she wanted him to stay. Just for a bit longer.

“Are you sure?” His voice was soft, tentative. “I’ve already barged into your evening enough as is. I don’t want to put you out anymore than I already have.” She could see the indecision warring with what she thought was wary hope in his eyes.

“No, please,” she started, placing the bag into the coffee table and standing in front of him, trying desperately to keep her voice calm. “Stay. I’d like you to stay.”

#Tom Hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston RPF #Tom Hiddleston x oc #Tom Hiddleston x ofc #Tom Hiddleston x original character #tom hiddleston x original female character #Tom & Rosie #Love & Great Buildings

3 notes · View notes

downspiral · 4 years

Text

* / BPD ( borderline personality damon )

lil talk about damon’s behaviour, emotional patterns and mental health! i’m categorising this as a headcanon for simplicity’s sake but this is all based on canon material, whether unintentional or not i do genuinely think he has it in canon and will sort of be elaborating on why that’s clear to me. as a disclaimer none of this is meant to excuse any of his behaviour and hopefully it won’t come off that way either, but bpd and its associated stigma is a personal topic to me, so please go in with sympathy and an open mind. under the cut bc this could get lengthy!

so to start off with i’ll just briefly explain borderline personality disorder (BPD) for people unfamiliar with it— it’s a mood disorder that has many associated symptoms with various mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder, as well as substance issues, eating disorders and other personality disorders eg. antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder. it’s classed by four groups of symptoms:

emotional instability

disturbed patterns of thinking or perception

impulsive behaviour

intense but unstable relationships with others

( obviously this definition is too broad for any specific diagnosis, since everyone is different, and can’t be used alone to diagnose someone without ruling out other disorders and subjective opinion of a professional who knows enough about your behaviours to make an assessment, so from here on out i’m going to be drawing on my own experiences, and hopefully i’ll be able to articulate it in a way that makes sense, but please let me know if it doesn’t. )

***

the first and most glaringly obvious identifiers of this where damon is concerned in my opinion is a), his tendency to spiral very suddenly and abruptly after even minor triggers, such as failure, rejection or even just feeling insulted by someone he cares about, and b) his frequent impulsive behaviour, and what might be termed a lack of self-control in following those impulses - the first examples that come to mind would be his leaving for a road trip with katherine despite hating her, or killing jeremy because he was the first person he saw after feeling rejected by elena - and as he later admitted honestly, not knowing that it wouldn’t be permanent.

so starting with a), his irrational spiralling — i’ll preface this by saying that in my own experience, my initial diagnosis where my therapist suggested BPD as a possibility was immediately after i told her that i felt my emotions were just more severe than most people’s, which is why i always felt i was overreacting to things, both bad and good, alternating with feelings of extreme numbness and dissociation which would follow immediately after as a coping method. bouncing between extremes of emotion is also something we see damon do constantly; not regarding the humanity switch detail and focusing solely on his ‘humanity-on’ behaviour, we still see him go between extremely cold, numb and uncaring (albeit often this is hidden behind deflection and humor) to deeply hurt, loving, and willing to make huge sacrifices for causes or for people.

this is also a little muddled by the in-world lore of vampires having very heightened emotions. if you consider that damon already had BPD while a human, which is highly plausible given what we see of the decisions he made even then, then it follows that as a vampire those already-dysfunctional behaviours would be driven to extremes. this isn’t only obvious to the person watching; other characters comment on it constantly, e.g. almost any time katherine shows up, everyone immediately starts worrying if damon’s going to snap, having learned that the tiniest of things can send him into extreme behaviour, harmful to both himself - picking a fight with julian out in the open, described as having a death wish, and various suicide missions - and other people - e.g. attempting to kill jeremy and bonnie, despite it being abundantly clear that those two murders would make everything worse for him, and logically, make no sense, and serve no benefit to him. they were not thought-out decisions, not premeditated, and not something he would do in a sound state of mind, which is part of why they’re so painful to watch - they’re stupid, unjustified decisions, and seem irrational and disproportionate to whatever triggered him to make them. this also falls into the category of ‘lashing out’, something damon is frequently noted to do - often in the form of destroying or severing relationships, which may be done via simple purposeful negative interaction with someone, or doing more, genuine harm so that those relationships are ended regardless.

this ties in both with the impulsive behaviour aspect, but also a comment elena once made which struck a huge chord with me as an identifier of BPD - she said he felt that everyone hated him, and in an attempt to face those perceptions or correct them as someone of sound mind would do, he instead tries to come to terms with the pain of that by making himself believe that they were right - ‘proving’ both to others and to himself that they were right to hate him, via doing bad things. while this particular incident was partially due to enzo’s influence and damon seeking approval from the only person he felt he could still get it from, he still had the agency to make that decision, and this wasn’t the only time where that behavioural pattern could be observed.

the depth to which those thought processes go can sort of be seen when you consider season 8, where enzo and damon were both under the mind control of a siren, leaving only their subconscious with free will to resist. enzo’s instinct was to try and weave messages into the things that the siren had him do, knowing that bonnie would recognise them and be able to save him from doing more harm. on the other hand, damon’s instinct was to sever those relationships so completely that none of them would ever attempt to save him again, thus keeping them, in his eyes, out of harm’s way.

i don’t wanna make this so long it’s unreadable so i’ll try and end it with this last point, which is that another symptom of BPD is latching on to one particular person - whoever might feel most significant to them at the time, whether a friend or romantic interest, though often those feelings can combine and become confused when that emotional connection is made (most obvious example being elena, who damon had a relatively good and stable friendship with, that seemingly functioned fine as it was, yet progressed into romance anyway and became destructive). when that said person is found, the intensity of your emotion leads to a usually unhealthy amount of attachment on your part - often leading to possessive, manipulative or even emotionally abusive elements of relationships that more often than not become toxic. this person becomes the sole way that you feel validation/love/approval/happiness, any good emotion at all - in a way, your brain compensates for previous and more significant traumas, e.g. parental abuse/neglect, by channelling all this emotion into the nearest outlet of love and acceptance you can find. as a result even the tiniest fraction of attention or approval from that person can completely brighten your mental state for weeks, while the tiniest perception of disapproval or neglect from them - note perception, this could be something as miniscule as a misunderstanding, a tone being read wrong in a text, a genuine mistake being interpreted as a deliberate attempt to separate - can be enough to drive you to suicidal ideation.

obviously, whether it’s known to them or not, all this puts an unrealistic amount of expectation on the other person - one individual cannot possibly be responsible for the entire mental state of another, and will often - quite rightly - lead to the decision to end the relationship out of self-preservation. this is observed very frequently with damon’s close relationships; at some point, most of the people he’s been closest to have, with some degree of regret, been forced to write him off, because he puts too much strain on their own mental state. without significant effort to change on the part of the disordered person, sadly, this situation doesn’t usually have a resolution, because one’s own mental health is never the sole responsibility of others. it’s worth saying that most of these behaviours are done unintentionally and instinctively, as what seems the first logical conclusion in a brain that has been wired - physically, neurons and pathways in the brain have been grown by trauma that leads to those paths becoming the ‘right’ ones, rather than the healthy alternatives, which is usually what therapy’s end goal is - minimising the disordered pathways while reinforcing the positive ones, via practice of healthy behaviours and identifying bad thought processes so they can be stopped with the hope that those ones will take priority eventually. that being said, decisions that are motivated by and followed by, self-hatred, doesn’t excuse them from the harm they may cause other people. and it’s not fair - none of it is, because immediately what that situation seems to become is, ‘i didn’t ask to be this way, i don’t want to be harmful, but because i have been traumatised this is how i turned out, and now if i want healthy and good relationships, i have to work twice as hard against all my natural instincts just to ensure i come off as a person worth caring about’.

this is getting a little off-topic, but to say - there is a stigma about BPD, often associated with emotional abuse and manipulation, and it’s too complex a topic to sum up in one paragraph, but the gist of it is that sadly in my experience there is truth to it. i feel as though my disorder increases the likelihood of me being harmful, which means i have to work twice as hard to stop it - things that seem like common sense, basic decency, human logic that comes naturally and as first instinct to many, have to be actively strived for by people with this particular disorder. so while failing to do so may happen more for those people, and thus lead to them coming off as a worse person, there is some explanation as to why - and of course that doesn’t mean excusing that behaviour, never! but, there is a grey area between ‘excusing and enabling unhealthy behaviour’ and ‘your disability grants you no leeway whatsoever’. there is a middle ground and it’s hard to find the right place to walk it, and probably differs for everyone, but for me that’s why damon is relatable, and why i think i have more tolerance for things that he’s done.

i’ll just end this by saying that this is all one person’s experience of bpd and what i’ve observed from a few others i’ve known. i don’t speak for everyone with bpd, it’s not my call to make, mental disorder is overwhelmingly complex and hotly debated even in medical circles. but all that being said, i have recognised a lot of my own emotional experiences in damon’s and how the characters around him react to it (without the murder, obviously) and to me it is slightly more complex than ‘this is a shitty person’. thank you for reading all this if you did, it’s kind of hard to talk about, but hopefully for some this adds a little more insight into my portrayal and attachment to the character.

#I WAS. WORKING ON REPLIES I HAVE A FEW HALF DONE BUT thinking abt therapy got me thinking abt this so. i'm dumping this out first #apologies. but *points at him* he's got bpd #you've ruined a perfectly good vampire is what you did look at him hes g #sorry. anyway #HEADCANON.#CHARADEV.#i'm saying headcanon but this is literally his canon portrayal and as a person with bpd i'm diagnosing him so there. periodt #right. adding this tag after i just finished writing this thing. sorry it got long and now i'm emo shun al so i'm gonna go do replies #watch no one read this. it's fine

10 notes · View notes

believingispowerfulmagic · 4 years

Text

“The Nanny” Chapter 35: A Winter’s Masquerade to Remember

The doorbell echoed around the mansion and Regina frowned as she looked up from where she was folding laundry. She watched as Will left the kitchen, heading to the front door. “Are you expecting anybody?” she asked.

“No,” he replied, “but it’s the holidays. I’m sure deliveries are going to be constant from now until Christmas.”

She nodded, knowing it was true, and returned to trying to pair up everyone’s socks. It was quite the challenge with six people in the house and it made her worry about what it was going to be like when they grew to eight—and possibly nine if Killian decided to move in with Emma down the line. Regina was going to have to come up with a solution that wasn’t “just order new socks instead.”

Will returned a few minutes later. “Tink’s here for you.”

“What?” Regina asked, setting the laundry aside as Tink entered the room. “Did we have a meeting scheduled for today?”

Tink shook her head, stepping closer as she held the messenger bag slung around her chest. “I had a few things I wanted to discuss with you and Robin suggested I just come here.”

“Is it about the Winter Masquerade?” Regina asked, frowning. The event was only a few days away but she had been certain everything was ready to go for it. Had something come up?

“No, we’re all good there,” Tink assured her. “It’s about something else. Your mail, actually.”

Regina felt even more confused. “Mail? What are you talking about?”

“We’ve been getting letters for you since the whole…incident…with Blanchard Financials. It seems people wanted to write to you and since Robin never gives out Nottingham’s address, they sent it to Sherwood instead,” Tink explained, sitting down.

“Did Robin know about this?” Regina asked, wondering why he hadn’t told her about them at all. He was getting better about telling her things and not just doing them for her because he thought it would be easier.

Tink shook her head. “The mailroom staff has been setting it aside and the pile has grown large enough that something needed to be done with it. So they brought it to me, I brought it to Robin and he suggested I come talk to you myself.”

“Oh,” Regina replied, relieved and pleased that Robin was letting her handle it. “Okay, so how many letters are we talking about? And has anyone opened them?”

Tink nodded. “There are a few hundred. Security opens all the mail that comes into Sherwood, just to be safe.”

“And what do the letters to me say?”

“Most of them are really positive. They thank you for speaking up about your experiences at Blanchard Financials and talk about their own stories,” Tink said. “They see you as a kindred spirit.”

A lump formed in her throat at the thought of so many women writing to her. “That’s touching.”

�� Tink nodded. “So what do you want to do with the letters? We can come up with a stock answer we can send out to the recipients…”

“No,” Regina replied, a strong feeling filling her. “It’s not fair that people are pouring their hearts to me and they just get some cold form letter in response.”

“While I get that, you have to consider your safety and the volume. If you answer everyone, which you are not going to have time to do, you run the risk of attracting people with unhealthy fixations on you. They may perceive more of a relationship then there is. You need to set boundaries,” Tink said. “We can come up with a system to figure which ones get a standard response and which ones get a personal answer from you. How does that sound?”

Regina bit her lip, thinking it over. While she wanted to respond to everyone, she knew Tink was right. There were people out there who might try to harm her or her family if she gave away too much information about them. And once the twins came, she wouldn’t have much time for anything else but her family. She nodded. “That sounds like a good plan.”

Tink grinned, pulling out some envelopes from her bag. “Here are some of the letters. I thought you’d might like to see them.”

“Thank you,” Regina replied, taking the envelopes. She laid them on her lap. “Can I get you something? Or rather, ask Will to get it for you?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Tink replied. “Is there anything else you want to discuss regarding your mail?”

Regina shook her head. “Not at this time. But I’ll call you if I do have any questions or thoughts.”

Tink stood, smiling. “Then I guess I’ll see you at the Winter Masquerade?”

“As long as these two don’t make a surprise appearance or put me into bed,” Regina replied, pointing to her stomach.

“Your mama deserves a fun night out. So stay in there and let her have it,” Tink said, crouching down to address the babies still growing inside Regina.

Laughing, Regina hoisted herself from the couch and escorted Tink out. She then returned to the couch and picked up the stack of letters left for her. As she settled in, she broke open the seal of one and pulled out the letter inside, eager to read what these people had written to her.

*****

Robin thanked Marco before heading into his house, closing the kitchen door behind him. He set down his briefcase as he pulled off his coat, smiling as he heard little feet running toward the stairs. A few seconds later, Roland appeared on them and he jumped from the third step. Robin caught him easily though it was a strain to lift him up so he could kiss his son’s cheek. It was only a matter of weeks before he couldn’t do it anymore, he knew.

Setting Roland down, Robin grinned at him. “Do you know where everyone is?”

“Will said he needed to go to the store to get something for dinner,” Roland said, starting to tick everyone off using his fingers. “Miss Emma is out on a date, Mr. Henry is napping and Mom is up in your room resting but not napping. She sent me down to get you.”

“Well, then we should go see Mom,” Robin replied, taking Roland’s hand. They climbed back to the second floor, quietly walking past Henry’s room so as not to wake the older man. He needed all the rest he could get.

They entered the master bedroom and Roland let go of his hand, racing toward the bed. He climbed on it and curled next to Regina. “I got him, Mom.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” she said, kissing his forehead. Robin approached her, smiling at how sweet the scene was. She returned his smile. “Hello.”

“Hello,” he said, leaning down to give her a kiss. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded. “My back started to hurt so I figured I would come here to relax. Roland wanted to keep me company.”

“How sweet,” Robin said, kissing his son’s head. “But why don’t you go play for a bit before dinner? I’ll keep Mom company.”

“Okay.” Roland kissed her cheek before climbing out of bed. He gathered the toys he had brought with him and left the room.

Robin sat on the edge of the bed as he took off his shoes. “Did Tink stop by today?”

“She did,” Regina replied. “She dropped off some of the letters and talked about setting up a system for us to answer them. I didn’t know I touched so many people.”

He leaned back, smiling fondly at her. She still didn’t realize how much of an amazing person she truly was. “You told them they were not alone and they saw someone who understood what they were experiencing. Someone they could confide in and look up to, to draw inspiration from.”

“I know,” she said, picking up a letter. “I’ve been reading them all afternoon. And I feel like I have to do something.”

“Like what?” he asked, curious now.

She bit her lip before asking: “How did Marian set up her foundation?”

“Why? Do you want to set one up as well?” he asked, moving closer to her on the bed. He sat cross-legged next to her, intrigued by what she was planning.

Regina scooted closer to him, taking his hands. “I’m considering it. Part of me knew I wasn’t alone but seeing all these letters…I’d like to create a place where others can go and realize they aren’t alone. And that they are stronger than they know.”

He smiled, rubbing the back of her hands with his thumbs. “That sounds like a great idea. And I will help you set up your foundation. You’re going to do amazing things, Regina Mills.”

“Well, you know what they say,” she said, leaning closer. “Behind every amazing woman is a very supportive man.”

Robin laughed, though he was touched by her sentiment. He nodded. “That’s absolutely true.”

She pressed her hand against his cheek and he closed the gap between them, kissing her. He once again was so proud to know her and honored to be able to love her. Regina certainly was going to do great things and he couldn’t wait to see her do them.

Continue reading on AO3 and Wattpad

#once upon a time #outlaw queen #oq au #oq ff #the nanny oq

6 notes · View notes

ft-wwtdp · 5 years

Photo

I Take Pride In What I Am 2019 Prompt: I hope people can change Pairing(s): Juvia & Cana, Gray x Natsu

Of all the so-called FairyTail Brats Cana Alberona had been a member of the guild the longest. At first, with no other kids to interact with, she had been content to sit and watch, not sure what to expect from the people that had taken her in. They were an odd bunch for sure, but she liked watching them, as she tried to figure out what these people had that her mother hadn't. Why would her father choose this life instead of one with them? It was a question that kept her up at night. She just didn't understand it.

She had tried to talk to Gildarts several times since she'd joined, but every time she got his attention Cana froze, never knowing how to bring up such a weighted topic. Just saying, "Hey, I'm your kid" to someone like Gildarts Clive just didn't cut it.

All she really knew about him were stories. Crazy stories, both about his abilities and his romantic exploits. Whether she wanted to or not those stories had created an insurmountable barrier between herself and her father. Larger than life did not even begin to describe Gildarts Clive and so she continued to watch, her yearning growing as her confidence plummeted.

Other kids began to join, and as she saw what they could do, she began to concentrate on learning her magic and making friends. It was something she felt she could do, and her confidence soon began to improve, but she was still on the outside watching in.

It was a role that continued all the way through adulthood, as she spent a significant amount of time at the guild drinking. You could learn a lot about people by watching them, almost as much as you did by talking to them, something else she had gotten better at.

One of the things that she had noticed was how one person could be an agent of change for another, sometimes without that person even seeing it.

Erza had been quiet and very reserved as a child. It was understandable, considering what she had been through, not that she ever talked about it. Cana had wanted to be her friend, to help in some way and even though she'd hadn't been able to someone else had.

Gray had somehow managed to get through to her, and slowly, Erza had started to change, to be more assertive and open to the others. Smiles became less uncommon, and once Mirajane had gotten there to challenge her as well, the metamorphosis from Erza the child to the woman they had come to know as Titania had begun, and Cana wouldn't have it any other way.

Gray had also been changed by someone, in his case, Natsu. The Fire Dragon Slayer's constant taunts and challenges to the ice mage since the moment they'd met had created a strange and sometimes worrisome friendship between the two, but there was no denying that Gray was a lot happier now than he had been when he'd first arrived at Fairy Tail.

Jet and Droy had done the same for Levy and Wakaba for Macao after his wife left him. Cana could go on and on about how many times she'd seen it happen over the years. But she had never done it, never seen the need to really, not when there was always someone willing to step in to do it.

The events of the Battle of Fairy Tail had changed that for her though. For the first time, she wanted to be that agent of change, and she knew for a fact that no one else was going to step up this time. Why would they? No one except Freed had seen what she had seen, and even if they had Juvia did not make approaching her easy. Cana had been so moved by Juvia's sacrifice that she could still remember her words clearly.

I wanted to prove to the guild that there's no reason to doubt me, I love all of you. The Fairy Tail guild will always be my home.

Yet somehow Juvia had gone from the strong woman who uttered those words, to someone who cared about only one thing. Well, person, and that was a problem because no matter how much Juvia followed Gray around or showered her affection on him, he was never going to return her love. That ship had sailed years earlier, and it would likely never change.

Juvia was only setting herself up for heartbreak, and Cana was really the only person to help. Even though the rest of the guild encouraged her, Cana was in the unique position to know what was actually going on.

She had noticed years ago that Natsu and Gray were in a relationship. They tried to be coy about it, but she'd been watching them for too long not to notice the changes, the looks that lingered longer than they used to and the occasional subtle touches under the table. It was beautiful, and Cana was happy for her friends. The only thing she couldn't figure out was why they'd chosen to keep it a secret from their family, but it wasn't her place to out them and outside of a few snide comments here and there she had left them alone.

But Juvia was blissfully unaware of all of this, and she had gotten to the point where she had isolated herself from the people she had claimed to love in a bid to claim Gray's love for herself.

Cana had spent a good time watching Juvia as well, and it was clear the girl did not see the same Gray the rest of them did. Who this Gray was that Juvia saw was a mystery to Cana, having known Gray most of her life and knowing he was none of the things Juvia declared.

Like the others, Cana had thought it was cute at first. She'd thought it was a phase, a bit of harmless hero worship for the man that Juvia felt had single-handedly saved her from a life she abhorred, and so she hadn't interfered. But as months had gone by with Juvia's behavior and attitude towards her guildmates only getting worse, Cana began to get concerned. Where before Juvia had been strong and assertive, now she was continually redefining herself as she struggled to find something that would gain her Gray's attention.

And gain Gray's attention she had, but not in the way she wanted. Gray was a very private person. He was not someone who liked to be the center of attention, content to sit quietly and listen to his guildmates or brawl with Natsu or Elfman if he was in the mood for a bit of fun. But lately Cana had noticed how he tensed up the moment Juvia entered the guild, almost as if he were expecting an attack, and in a way, Cana supposed that's what it must feel like for him to be put in the spotlight, or to have his personal space invaded continuously.

It was clear that Juvia made Gray uncomfortable and as much as he tried to be patient with the situation, Cana could tell he was nearing his limit, and so was Natsu. It must be putting a strain on their relationship, especially if Juvia followed Gray all the time, and they were still determined to keep their relationship a secret.

Simply put, Juvia had lost who she was, and Cana was determined to help her find her way back to the kickass mage she had once been. Hopefully, before she was put in a situation where she would have to face Gray or even worse a pissed off Natsu.

But how? How could she get the water mage to realize what she was doing and ease her back to who she had been before this unhealthy obsession had taken hold of her?

The only thing she could think of was to expose Natsu and Gray's relationship to Juvia, but that felt wrong. They had their reasons for being secretive, and it was not her place to go against them. So she decided to wait until Team Natsu was away on a mission, that way she could be assured of Juvia's attention.

Cana spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about Juvia and what had impressed her about her while she drank her usual amounts of alcohol, the empty barrels piling on the floor beside her.

The following morning Natsu and Gray were sparring playfully, making Erza declare that if they had so much excess energy, she would find them all a job to go on. Despite Lucy's complaints, she immediately went to the Request Board and grabbed a job, handing it to Mira before dragging her teammates out the door.

Juvia arrived about twenty minutes later, entering the guild with a hopeful expression that soon turned gloomy as soon as she realized her beloved wasn’t there. Cana decided she should take advantage of the opportunity she’d just been given.

“Hey Juvia,” She called out to the water mage noticing the suspicion on Juvia’s face at the attention, “What are you up to today?”

When Cana did not move from her stool, Juvia grudgingly made her way over to her, sitting on a nearby stool.

“Juvia doesn’t know yet,” Juvia replied thoughtfully. She remained quiet for a few minutes before asking, “Do you know where Gray-sama is?

“He left with his team on a job a while ago,” Cana answered honestly, “Would you like a drink?”

"It's much too early to drink," Juvia responded, making no attempt to disguise her disdain.

Cana shrugged with a smile, “Never too early for me.”

She wasn't really sure how to do this, the others made it look so easy, but she didn't know what to do or what to say to get the conversation going. Usually, Cana could talk about anything, but Juvia didn't really look too thrilled to be there, and Cana was nervous the whole thing would backfire on her. Come on, Cana, think.

"Hey, do you want to go for a walk? I heard it was supposed to be a nice day out today," Cana suggested, thinking a walk around Magnolia might be less stressful, it would also keep her away from the temptation of drinking the day away. She knew she needed to be sober if this was to have any chance of working.

“Juvia supposes,” Juvia replied without much enthusiasm.

"Come on, it will be fun!" Cana chirped hoping it would be true. She got up and led them outside heading towards South Gate Park, which was always pretty in the Spring.

“What was it like to live in Oak Town?” Cana asked, remembering that Juvia had lived there while she had been a member of Phantom Lord.

“It was rainy and gloomy, everything was gloomy before Juvia met Gray-sama.”

“Uhm, did you date anyone?”

"Juvia dated a fire mage named Bora, but he grew tired of the rain, so he dumped her."

"Bora?" Cana knew that name sounded familiar, and when she made the connection, she started laughing hysterically, "You dated the guy that tried to sell Lucy into slavery?"

Juvia looked surprised although Cana heard her mutter something about love-rival before responding stiffly, “Juvia was not aware Bora did that.”

"Oh yeah," Cana continued to laugh, "He tried to impersonate Natsu, it did not end well."

"But Bora looks nothing like Natsu," Juvia sounded puzzled, but then she laughed, "Bora was never very smart."

Cana laughed along with her until she added, “Not like my Gray-sama.”

Right, need to get her off the topic. “How do you like living in Magnolia so far?”

"Juvia likes being able to see Gray-sama every day, and because she is happy, it doesn't rain as much."

Gray again, ugh, time to change the topic. But no matter how many times Cana changed the topic conversation inevitably returned to Juvia's favorite subject. Cana was getting aggravated, and she really wanted a drink. It irked her to realize that not once had Juvia asked a question about her or any of the others, nor had she ever spoken about herself in any way that was independent of Gray.

This was ridiculous and so much worse than she'd feared, Fairy Tail was all about friendship, about the bonds that they had all forged together over the years. They were a group of misfits that had chosen each other to form a family of sorts, and they had welcomed this person with open arms, but it was like they didn't exist in her eyes.

How could one person have changed her mind so much in such a short time? Cana was surprised to find that somewhere along the way she had changed their course. She recognized the path they had taken during the battle of Fairy Tail, the place where they had been trapped in Freed’s runes was just up ahead.

When Juvia continued to go on about Gray, Cana found she’d had just about enough.

“That’s enough!” She snapped at the water mage as she pulled at her hair, “For God’s sake Juvia, do you even hear yourself? Gray this and Gray that. He’s all you talk about!”

Juvia became quiet, her eyes staring at Cana with a hurt expression that made her immediately regret her outburst. Juvia turned to leave, but Cana grabbed her arm to stop her. She pointed at their location.

"Do you see where we are?" Cana pleaded, needing for the girl to see, "Do you even remember what happened here?"

“Of course Juvia remembers, this is where we fought Freed.”

"Yes!" Cana said happily, "Yes, it is, but do you remember what you said to us?"

“Juvia doesn’t know what you mean, Juvia did her duty.”

"Duty?" Cana repeated, sad that Juvia had forgotten how impressive her actions had truly been, "No Juvia, you didn't do your duty. You sacrificed yourself for the guild, for all of us. Not for Gray, for all of us. That's when I knew for sure you were one of us. Only a Fairy Tail wizard would do something that reckless and stupid."

Juvia studied her, a frown marring her features as if she were trying to understand what Cana was saying, what she wanted from her.

“We’re a family Juvia, and sure a lot of us are annoying as hell, but every single person in our guild is as important as the next. It doesn’t matter how powerful they are, even Laxus finally learned that.”

“I understand you feel strongly about Gray, but you can’t focus on him to the exclusion of all others. That’s not what being in a guild is about, hell it’s not even what being in love is about.”

"If you want to take Gray for yourself, Juvia will not stand for it." Whether she realized it or not Juvia had adopted a fighting stance.

Cana stared at the water mage in disbelief, "Are you even listening to me? Juvia, not every girl in the guild is a rival for Gray's affection. Most of us see him as an annoying brother, to be honest. We're your friends, or we want to be, but you won't let us in."

"You're an amazingly strong mage, and your actions here proved that you're also a very strong woman. That's the Juvia that you should be, not whatever you think Gray will like. If there's something I've learned over the years, it's that you have to be happy with yourself before you can even try to make someone else happy."

And it was true, it was the biggest reason why she had yet to tell her father who she was. She wanted to be in a place where she felt he could be proud to call her his daughter.

“What if Juvia doesn’t know who she is anymore?” Juvia said in a quiet voice as she looked at the ground.

Cana kneeled so she could look into Juvia's face, "Then you let your family help you figure it out. Let us in Juvia, we want to help. We love you, you said it before Fairy Tail will always be your home."

“Juvia doesn’t know…”

“Well, just promise me you’ll think about it at least.”

Juvia kept looking at the ground before finally raising her head and giving Cana a small smile, “Alright, Juvia will think about it.”

“And if I can give one last piece of advice, maybe give Gray a chance to be your friend on his terms.”

Juvia's lips tightened, but she didn't reply.

“Do you want to go down by the river, it’s such a nice day maybe we can dip our feet in?”

“Juvia would like that.”

xxx

"I don't want to hear your excuses, you stupid dragon," Gray growled as he pinned Natsu underneath him. They had just returned from their job and had raced to their spot, Gray having beaten Natsu for once, "I won fair and square, and you said the winner could pick any prize they wanted."

"Gray, we're in public, and there's water nearby, you know I won't be able to smell her," Natsu reminded him as he tried to push his boyfriend off.

“I don’t care, it’s been ages since we’ve been able to be alone,” Gray complained before leaning down and claiming Natsu’s lips hungrily.

Natsu made another token effort to resist but was soon too distracted by the intensity of Gray's kiss to care, he was soon returning the kiss and nudging Gray to let go of his arms. As soon as they were free, he wrapped them around his boyfriend, hands moving as he caressed the hard muscles of Gray's backside.

Distracted as they were neither man heard the muffled gasps or the accompanying running steps. They did hear Cana yelling out Juvia's name, and they felt the drops of rain that began as a gentle patter but soon turned into a downpour. They looked at each other worriedly as they realized they'd been caught.

“Shit!” Gray punched the patch of sand by Natsu’s head.

“Shit!” Natsu agreed wholeheartedly.

“Now everyone is going to find out,” Gray stated unnecessarily.

Natsu remained quiet for a minute then shrugged, “Maybe it’s time, we’d been getting ready to tell people before Juvia showed up.”

Gray stared at Natsu, trying to gauge whether he was really okay with this and when he could sense no hesitation in his boyfriend, he smiled. "Okay, let's go."

“Are you okay with having to face Juvia?” Natsu asked, the worry on his face making Gray smile.

Gray wasn't pleased with the situation, but there was no getting out of it, "We knew this would happen eventually, let's just go get it over with."

They kissed one last time before getting up and making their way to the guild hall hand in hand, neither one relishing having to tell Erza that they’d hidden something from her for two years.

xxx

"Juvia! Wait, Juvia!" Cana chased after her realizing once again that she needed to exercise more and drink less. Juvia was surprisingly fast on her feet, which was impressive, considering she was crying. Then again her body was made of water, well more than usual anyway.

Juvia had finally stopped in front of the guild turning to glare at Cana and yell accusingly, "You said you were my friend, you took Juvia there to see them, didn't you?"

"No!," Cana protested, "I told you, they were out on the job. How was I supposed to know they were there?"

“But you did know about them, didn’t you?”

Cana didn’t want to lie, and besides the cat was most definitely out of the bag. “I did know, but no one else does. I just wanted to see you back to the way you were, and maybe I was trying to prepare you, I don’t know. I’ve never tried to do this before. Usually, I just sit and watch,” Cana said sadly.

"Why? Why is Juvia so important to you?" Juvia asked through her tears, and she sounded so lost it broke Cana's heart.

“What do you mean why?’ Cana tried to wipe Juvia’s tears away but quickly stopped, realizing it was pointless with all the rain. “I told you stupid, you’re my friend and my family. I love you, and I want to see you happy.”

"Juvia doesn't know how to be happy, she never has, that's the problem."

“Then we’ll help you figure it out, but we can’t do that if you don’t let us in.”

The guild doors opened, and people started coming out, wanting to check out what was wrong. Soon Juvia found herself surrounded by a worried Lucy, Erza, and Levy. Macao was asking her what was wrong and if he had to go beat up Gray. More and more mages came out, and Cana stepped back, letting them smother Juvia in their affection willing her to see what she'd been trying to tell her.

There was nothing more for her to do. Cana was a tad disappointed, nothing had gone the way she'd hoped but she'd tried her best, and she could only hope that Juvia would consider her words.

They would all be there for her if only she would let them. Just as they would be there for Gray and Natsu when they finally showed up. After all, Fairy Tail was a family, and that's what families did.

A/N: I officially give up, I can’t drabble. This is not meant to hate on Juvia, in all honesty, it’s how I wish the manga had been handled. That moment in the Battle of Fairy Tail was such a goddess moment for Juvia. She was truly at her best and I really wish she’d been allowed to keep that personality. She would have been a much stronger character. I purposefully kept this gen because I didn’t wan to take away from Cana’s motivation by their being a perceived ulterior motive on her part.

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtpride2019 #cana & juvia #gratsu #ftlgbtales event #alt ships #ft lgbt+#ftpride fanfiction #prompt: I hope people change #mdelpin

31 notes · View notes