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briebysabs · 2 years

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I want to talk about vnc chapter 12/episode 7

Why? Because I need to finally rant so just bare with me *inhales* WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS I DON’T THINK WE LOSE OUR MINDS ENOUGH

I almost want to go panel by panel bc I still can’t believe this chapter exists. When I’m seriously interpreting/analyzing something in a series I try to look from an objective POV. Basically I push aside my shipper heart to see what the author is trying to do canonically. But every time I go back to this specific chapter, the only thing I get out of it is that Noé is going to fall in love with Vanitas. And for the first time, I feel like this is a possibility that could actually happen and that’s crazy. So okay let me go slowly bc what?!!!

First of all, the chapter frames Noé, Vanitas, and Jeanne in certain perspectives quite oddly. The anime does too so that’s why some believe Noé likes Jeanne instead. Which kinda doesn’t make sense for a number of reasons. Now there can definitely be some vampiric connection between the two.

But in terms of romantic interest, it doesn’t add up. Hell we’re 40 + chapters ahead of this one and I can count on my fingers how many lines they’ve said to each other. So if Noé liked Jeanne, it definitely would’ve come back into play by now. After Vani and Jeanne run off, Noé goes after them immediately. And given we’ve seen how fast he is, it’s most likely he heard and also saw their encounter. Meaning Noé knows 1) the uncertainty of Jeanne being a curse-bearer or not 2) her deal with sucking only Vanitas’ blood.

Now mind you, this was 44 chapters ago and Noé still has not told anyone this. Going back to him being good at keeping secrets but that’s it’s own topic. Then he gets this sad look on his face. Now what he ends up telling Domi is the truth. And I want to be more clear on this. I do not think at this point in the story Noé loves Vanitas. It’s more so how this chapter ends is what leaves me stunned but we’ll get there. Plus the fact that Domi, till now, thinks Noé likes Jeanne IS VERY PROOF THAT’S NOT THE CASE.

So when you do the process of elimination, Vanitas is the only logical answer!!! And this freaking line. This is a strong statement for someone whose only upset about a missed opportunity to taste some blood.

His heart was in pain. WHAT THE FUCK

But that’s the thing. Noé doesn’t lie. But he omits A LOT. It also can be that he just doesn’t fully understand so his mind jumps to the obvious conclusion. But if he does think there’s more to it, Noé didn’t tell Domi. Now we get the real meat of it all. Oh my lord so Noé poses the question: Why don’t Vanitas dance with Jeanne? And Vanitas gives the excuse that he’ll accidentally step on her. We later find out he can dance just fine, so perhaps a part of him is already giving distance. Not willing to be close to Jeanne beyond teasing.

Now...MOCHIJUN DID NOT HAVE TO DRAW IT LIKE THIS. She could’ve had Noé smiling and pull Vanitas in to dance without any close-ups. She could’ve made it a silly moment but no, we are meant to take this scene seriously

I’ve noticed Noé has a number of scenes that there’s a small panel to the side where his eyes are covered. And I think a lot of the time it was a moment involving Vani. It gives off the impression that Noé is feeling something the author doesn’t want to make obvious.

And then we get the fucking line. Let’s say I’m reading this all wrong. The fact that mochijun has her two male protagonists dancing together as one asks ‘what is love?’ Is proof that she is at the very least, not unwilling to go there. LIKE DO WE KNOW HOW WILD THIS REALLY IS? I truly believe the fandom accepted this moment way too casually.

Noé asking almost contemplative what Vanitas sees in Jeanne. Remember he knows Vanitas wants Jeanne to suck only his blood. He is confused why Vanitas suddenly gravitates to Jeanne. Vanitas lists his reasons, one that includes that she’ll never love him back. Noé is rightfully confused by this but Vanitas states that she doesn’t have to love him back. If mochijun wants to go the romantic route for Noe’s ‘love’ IT WILL BE EXACTLY THIS. Because if she goes the romantic direction. First and foremost, I will have the highest respect for this woman bc I know she must’ve entered a battlefield for that to happen. But more so, if my interpretation of all this is right. Noé may never tell Vanitas. Think about it.

Noé believes Vanitas loves Jeanne. So out of kindness for Vani’s happiness, he wouldn’t say anything. That’s just the type of person Noé is. But also, the amount of effort, time, and vulnerability it took for Noé to get as close as he is with Vani. You think he’s going to risk jeopardizing ALL of that? And that’s the tragedy and beauty of it all. Vanitas doesn’t have to know that Noé loves him. No one has to know. But if again, this possibility is canon, we the audience know it’s going to be a inevitable regret down the line.

Finally the chapter concludes with future Noé narrating how this feeling will be a mystery for quite some time. I’d like to point out how Vanitas didn’t dance with Jeanne in fear of stepping on her toes but Noé does exactly that to him. Honestly my second favorite chapter. It felt like seeds were being planted for them to sprout into fruition later on. So many little details felt purposeful and it was the moment I really believed in vnc’s writing.

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kybelles · 2 months

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“any setting where laurent is downright cold and rude towards damen FOR NO APPARENT REASON and yet damen is still obsessed with him, again for some mysterious reason??”

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK. it upsets me so much when people claim that Damen had the hots for Laurent since book 1 ?? the man whipped him to death and got him raped but nooo dumb barbaric Damen loved to be walked on ?? lol sure my man was horny but did we read the same book ? He only gave Laurent the time of his day cause he connected with him at some emotional level in PG does no one remember when Damen said that Laurent looked spoiled and that he didn’t need protection in PG ? They love to downplay Damen’s trauma because he doesn’t admit it out loud to himself that’s why i don’t like fics where Laurent is playing hard to get because Laurent “i would have been trailing around tugging on your sleeve to get a look in edgewise” of Vere wouldn’t even imagine playing hard to get in his lil fantasy scenario i love Laurent as much as Damen but people love to overlook Damen’s trauma in Arles just because he is beefy and strong doesn’t mean he can’t be traumatized

BESTIE THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE MESSAGE!! it’s literally so bizarre to me that so many ppl believe laurent could act as cruel and nasty as he wants towards damen and damen would still pine/lust after him constantly despite this is how damen saw laurent in book 1:

and you’re also so spot on about damen’s trauma being overlooked! there’s this inclination on denying damen his dignity and not holding laurent accountable in any way bc so often people argue on and on about laurent’s actions stemming from his trauma and therefore we should excuse him which always makes me go???? (i kindaaaa suspect someone made snarky posts about this the first time i brought a similar point up but there’s no way i’m opening that can of worms) don’t get me wrong, i’m definitely aware the trauma laurent experienced from his csa was the main cause of his actions towards damen but this observation is immediately followed by a subtle “so yeah that’s why he’s innocent <33” and THAT is the part i cannot stomach. the CAUSE of his actions cannot be an EXCUSE. nothing you experienced can justify throwing someone into a rape ring and i cannot believe this even needs to be said.

lastly i believe this is about the fifth time i recced this fic but please read be a god (and hold me with a charm) if you enjoy laurent sweetly pining after damen 🥹 i have such a deep admiration for forthelongesttime’s characterization!

#tysm for your lovely asks!! i’ll defo answer them all the second i find the chance 💕🥺

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jackienautism · 1 year

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Now I’m really curious about your thoughts on the other counselors. I don’t really have any strong opinions on them much tbh idk why. Maybe it’s the whole “horny teenager” trope or something

(finally getting around to this. sorry for taking so long dfkldg)

yeaaaah fair enough dfgjndg thats exactly why i get pissed off playing the game tbh. it just becomes so convoluted with this romantic whatever bullshit that it gets SUPER TIRING...... but that's ok though bc silas kaylee and caleb need someone to love them unconditionally right?

anywho! i appreciate you wanting to see my other unfiltered opinions on the characters kdfgdfjg bc gosh do i have a lot. especcially for TQ bitches. as i just ssaid,

i AM going to get unfiltered and potentially brutal so if anyone is your ultimate bestie i recommend not reading (abi and laura are safe though of course<3) (mainly because nothing about either of them necessarily irritated me LOL and im easy to irritate)

im going to reference my thoughts on the characters from a note i wrote after playing through like ? chapter 4 for the first time. but honestly not miuch has changed. and just to preface this a good portion of my negative opinions come from the campfire scene in chapter 2 LOL like. when i first played the game i began disliking like more than half the characters here alone

dylan: talked about him here (its not positive)

nick: i just think hes a prick who doesn't deserve abi 🤷 of course he was given the short end of the stick in terms of screentime, but its kind of funny bc kaitlyn has a similar amount of Actual walk around time and she's there like. the entire game LMAO so yeah that pisses me off. nick has 3 moments where you play as him, and kaitlyn has 5/6, depending on how you separate her section in chapter 10. they both have the same amount of Get To Explore And Walk Around time though, which is a whopping total of one thanks guys. anywho. even before he began acting like a creep i didnt like him lol... and no surprise but it all stems from chapter 2...

long story short, i dont doubt that nick actually cares for abi and likes her but i think in the grand scheme of things it mostly has to do w/ him wanting tits and ass... sort of similar to mike's whole deal... and i believe this based on the bullshit he pulls w/ emma. yeah he says that "tHiS mIgHt NoT bE a GoOd IdEa" and yet he still plays along despite dylan saying that 2 people can kiss AS LONG AS everyone consents. he could've gotten out of the situation. and yet he fucking didnt. i dont care if he didnt realize the consequences of his actions, if he TRULY liked abi he wouldnt have done this shit in the first place. "ive had my moments, im not proud of some of the stuff ive done" DOG YOU JUST HAD A MOMENT AND YOURE NOT EVEN FUCKING APOLOGIZING TO THE PERSON YOU HURT!!!!!! idc if it technically wasnt totally his fault. he still was involved in humiliating and upsetting abi. all he blames it on is playing alonog with emma's plan to make jacob jealous and aside from that just being such a shitty anf fucked up excuse in general, its not even ???? true?????????? GOD. IM SORRY. THE WHOLE SITUATION MAKES ME SO UPSET

jacob: as said in my previous TQ / UD rankings... i really flip flop w/ him alot. however im def leaning towards neutral to dislike NGL. i HAAATED his whole thing w/ emma like incredibly so. however. i did feell real bad for him during chapter 1, despite already knowing that he was the one to bust the truck up and keep everyone there another night. i felt bad despite already having a reason TO dislike him. kaitlyn was being mean for no reason. nick and dylan were being mean for no reason. it's just... it's almost like he was being used as the group's laughing stock. but as time went on i just continually became less and less willing to sympathize . hell, he's just a INFINITELY less sympathetic josh... of course seeing him crying and upset in ch 3 was sad, but at this point i don't really know what he expected im sorry. he really dragged all these other people into his bullshit with emma. and it's more than clear how emma feels about their relationship, of course emma wasn't great either with him, but jacob isn't an angel ... EITHER in this situation. of COURSE he couldn’t have known that the night would go the way it does, but it doesn’t negate the fact that fucking up the truck was a shitty move regardless LMAO as said previously, i HAAATe how fucking possessive he is of her. like when nick tells jacob that he could see what emma wantss? and jacob just laughs it off? it's so fucking stupid dog. character wise though, he of course has a lot going for him and i can see why people find appeal in him. especially seeing hwo many stereotypes theyre subverting, in terms of jacob showing emotions and shit. but for me personally, it's a no

ryan: my man🤝 even after all this time.... i find him very respectable and i very much appreciate him. similar to my deal w/ abi, even his more "asshole-ish" moments / dialogue choices (aside from a few off the top of my head LOL) are like. justified... and in character... like. him being so pissed off at and wary of laura? like????? laura is my beloved but this random girl just popped out of nowhere, killed one of his closest friends, and now wants to kill what he has of a father figure? like yeah id be acting like ryan too if i were put into his situation LMAO yeah you can be annoyed w/ his actions and behavior, but in context? the way he's acting is understandable and justified. it doesnt DESERVE criticism, because there's nothing to criticize! he's acting as any normal person would! of COURSE it's annoying how he doesn't BELIEVE laura, that's a whole other can of worms, but overall he's allowed to be a pissed off little bitch. and him potentially going against the whole party idea? that line of dialogue is just more in character for him i will not accept any other answer. it makes no sense that he'd suddenly go against chris' word. and it PISSES ME OOOOFF seeing how the game still like ? has ryan show up to the party despite being adamant against it.

ANYWAY.... ppl don't appreciate his autistic swag like i do. "he has no character" "he's boring" TO YOU. y'all rly see a character mainly speak in a monotone voice and rarely smile / show expression and go. yeah he's boring . do you not see the like . connotations of that. like be for real. he’s like. one of the only few genuinely good ppl here lmao and seeing how chris says that ryan is one of his fave counselors and how he TRUSTS him enough to hold all this responsibility + have all these in depth talks w him it’s just. you see what kind of person ryan is just from that. and how so far ryan is the only character (while you’re in control) who’s able to interject whatever bullshit is being said at the moment it just. i’m sorry. he’s just a good guy. i respect how he’s willing to go against the bulk of the group during the whole party or lodge thing. i also respect that he’s willing to put a fucking end to dylan’s invasive fucked up truth question. i KNOW that it all depends on the Player to choose these specific options BUT. they just fit ryan’s character more so🤷 what can i say. fuck everyone else

max: my bf (real)

laura: my gf (real)

abi: me (irl)

emma: in my original note i said that i was leaning torwards neutral to dislike lmao....... oh have the turns havbe tabled. anywho. i think shes such a stupid dumbass bitch. she's so funny for no goddamn reason. i am shoving her down a flight of stairs. i love her character sooo much. i hate how she acted with jacob (despite most of it being her people pleaser side Showing but, that's a whole different conversation i am willing to have). she's suuuuch a beloved but gooooooood god i draw the line at being such a shitty friend to abi. that's my biggest complaint when it comes to emma and her actions. i understand that she has a moment where she's like "you're my best friend, i need you" and i fucking eat that shit up but almost everything else that happens and happens prior..... just goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

to get started. most of this is gonna be nitpicky and personal shit, so if you think it's small and shouldn't be addressed, then you're probably right LOL im just ultra sensitive to this sort of stuff due to past personal experiences. ANYWAY!!!!!! you know the little teasy comment emma makes towards abi after you avoid hitting the squirrel? how she's like, "this is her first time asking a guy out like EVER"? it makes me wanna beat her up fr kldfggnfg bc it's like... it's not a thing to joke about... i see sooo much of myself in abi meaning i see her as autistic and that's just. you know how much being autistic hinders those sort of abilities? i obviously can't say for sure but, seeing how abi later talks about people wantingher to interact w/ others better? hence why she went to summer camp in the first place? i'd say that probably isn't too outrageous to think...

and sort of continuing off that same topic, when abi is having trouble choosing someone for truth or dare, how emma is just like. "ding ding ding, my turn!" LIKE. AS HER FRIEND. WHO PROBABLY KNOWS ABOUT HOW MUCH ABI STRUGGLES SOCIALLY. DON'T YOU THINK SHE'D BE LIKE? "OHH ABI JUST PICKK ME" INSTEAD OF HUMILIATING HER? LIKE. BC THERES SOOO MANY DIFF WAYS OF MOVING ON AND HELPING ABI OUT....... GOING ABOUT IT THW WAY EMMA DID ISN'T THE WAY TO GO......... ESPECIALLY KNNOWING HOW SOCIALLY ANXIOUS ABI IS.... anyway. while we're on the campfire scene, it's so fucked why she chooses to kiss nick lmao like ok yeah it may work in the end (potentially) but its still ?????????????? girl you know how much abi likes nick (SUPPOSEDLY) why go about this shit in the most destructive way possible? and what makes me even MORe mad is that. they dont even ever address this scene ever again???? despite it being such a huge and humiliating and probably traumatizing moment for abi??????????? YES they're able to have a more in depth andf heart to heart conversation about their relationship. but its not fucking enough! bc that fucking stupid ass dare and its outcome was the catalyst for the rest of the night's events lmao! imagine beign brushed aside and seen as a social fucking experiment for your entire life. which is something im SURE abi has felt and experienced. and emma, her best friend, LITERALLY CONTRIBUTES TO THAT!!!!!! ITS SO FUCKED AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY. i could probably go on about this topic but ill leabe it for a separate post i guess anyway if i were abi id be fucking pissed off and upset

her character means so very much to be like her whole people pleaser and "curate myself to each individual person ive ever met to keep them fromn leaving me" resonates so so much with me and i love it so much. ive talked about this b4 in a previous post but i can only imagine how lonely she feels, acting the way she acts. no one will ever truly know who she is. shes in a constant state of performance. every single person she's ever met has a different perception of her in their head. and, in one way or another, it's all wrong!!!! i love you emma mountebank i love you abigail blyg

kaitlyn: i wont even lie i instantly fell in love w her after hearing the INSANE shit she says fnsjfjsnf esp felt it after the “jacob go upstairs. jacob get bag. kaitlyn moves on with her goddamn life” fell in love fr. and her whole stupid monologue after jacob was like "yeah i mean, what did i expect would happen?" SHES LITERALLY INSANE. but. like. i was not and still Am not happy w how she treated abi during the campfire scene though. due to 1. her telling abi to basically hurry the fuck up despite seeing how much she was GENUINELY struggling, and also potentially knowing about her social struggles prior. bc they're friends. right? and 2. just coming up wiht the dare in general lol it was such a fucked up thing to do and as ive said w/ emma, the fact theyre unable to actually jhave a convo abt it later is suuuuper dumb and shitty imo. esp seeing just how upset abi got, and the most fucked up thing is, neither kaitlyn NOR emma seem to show any remorse for it!!!!! that's just so fucked up

anywho. hate how both of their asian girls (emily in until dawn) are characterized as bossy and very. my way or the highway. it’s actually real fucked up in that light. fuck you supermassive. y’all are lucky that these 2 characters are their respective games’ baddest bitches . i SUPPOSE it isn’t THAT as big of a deal in this game bc. there are like. objectively more unlikable characters (in the guys AND girls) so kaitlyn doesn’t stand out as much (as emily did. she was practically written to be hated. bc NO ONE ELSE was as strong personality wise as her. i suppose jess comes close but 1. i think ppl shit on her for other stupid shit anyway SO and 2. she effs off for more than half the game) but it still doesn’t make it ok lmao. bc it’s a trend that is very :/ mmmmmmm. even if it’s not that much of a cliche stereotype for asian women, seeing them write both of their asian girls ALMOST THE EXACT SAME WAY is a bit sussy goddamn baka. went off a bit there lmao. anyway. i’m a weak pussy bitch and after she softened after abi returned freaked out i 😭 i love you. more positive (and NON GUY related) interactions between the girlies please. i literally love her relationship w/ abi so much it's so interesting to me.

and just... to talk about her character real quick, i mmentioned in my tier list that her character frustrates me. and you wanna know why? ive talked abt this b4 but her character is basically a watered down emily davis. and i say this bc. they both overall are the same archetype. except. in kaitlyn's case. there's really no reason for me to like ???? feel bad for her? djjfggkj LIKE. THERE'S LITTLE TO NO SUBSTANCE TO HER CHARACTER.... AND THERE CERTAINLY ISNT MUCH TO FEEL SYMPATHETIC FOR..... i say this bc. almost all the other TQ characters have this moment of ): aw, here's why i should care about and feel bad for you. BUT KAITLYN????? NEVER REALLY OUTRIGHT HAS THAT MOMENT,..... it's almsot like they threw her in there and threw in her characteristics last second.... nothing's really established w/ her. you just. you just keeo finding new stuff about her as the game goes on. like. oh. shes a good shot. oh. she cares about abi. and shit like that. im probably explaining this so terribly rn but hopefully some sense can be made from this scramble. it's just.... thye toook away the interesting aspect(s) of emily'scharacter (her anxiety, her fear of death, her complex to be protected while being fully capable of protecting herslef in times of danger etc etc) and thus gave us kaitlyn. to me she just. she isnt that interesting character wise! there isnt much there for me to grow attached to! people only like her bc shes associated w/ dylan! like shes one of those characters where you sort of HAVE to mold and shape into something that's familiar and Good

re reading htis it really sounds like i don't like her fdjkdg BUT I DO I PROMISE.... i gotta stick w/ my asian girls

abi but for real: 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 do i even need to say anything? its like supermassive made a character purposely JessCore or something like that. i like. haven’t gone In Depth abt why i got so fucked up over what everyone else did to her during the camp fire scene but. know that it hit a little toooooo fucking close to home. like. I Could See Me Sitting There In Abi’s Spot and it HUUUUUUURT!!!!!!!!!!!! like ): seeing her avert her gaze and how she was fumbling over her words i ))): LIKE. AUGHH. esp after being asked THAT question? since not sleeping w/ anyone by this age is seen as “abnormal”? i could feel that so bad man ): no one deserves to be singled out like that. esp not a VERY much autistic girl who is pretty clear to be on the “outside” of the group. bc she’s not “normal” or not “like everyone else here” and it’s just. fuck you all fr choke. enough of that. i just. she’s so fucking cute too? like girl i love you so MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her lil like. expressive noises and shit are so awesome and make me happy fnsjfjsf you only see them like twice BUT. you don’t really see that from the other characters. so basically: stims. autism. yeah. they rly made abi a little TOO realistic nd relatable fnsjfnnsf but ohhhh man do i love her oh so much. after the camp fire scene i was just. she’s my friend now fuck all of you

laura but for real: I MISSED HER AND MAX SOOOOO BAD WHILE PLAYING THROUGH CHAPTERS 1 - 6 SKLDDFJDF i was literally so upset and sad seeing that they werent at camp after the prologue. du eto like literallty all of the characters getting on my nerves I WANTED THEM TO COME HOME SOOOO BAD.... AFTER THE CAMP FIRE SCENE EVERYTHING WENT DOWNHILL AND I MIIISSSEED THEM SOO MUCH i needed them back for real. other than that though, i dont have much to say about laura. i mean of course she's my BELOVED i mean look at my user but. yeah! i think about her often and project some anger shit onto her<3 specifically towards travis for specific and personal reasons<3 even if it's not like character stuff or w/e i think about, i often just rotate herin my mind. i love her so much. plus she's literally a combo of emily and sam aka my 2 fave UD characters how could i not love her?

max but for real: i honestly dont have much to say abt him? and i suppose he and laura arent /technically/ a part of the other counselors since they never, yk, showed up. but w/e fdfjgndg i think he's neat. i honestly thought he was like one of the only Good Guys of the game when first playing through,. and that still holds true! i still see ryan as a great guy too though. max just seems like such a good partner and guy in general and i love him. don't necessarily think about him much but as i said before, he's my bf (real)

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fatphobiabusters · 2 years

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ok so i get what 'food is good' and 'health at every size' mean now but i just grew up learning about the food pyramid and 'junk' food and fat people beint told to 'lay down the cake' so it's surprising to hear about it, and the thing i asked about 'so its ok to eat french fries every week or a whole chocolate bar at once' are things i would like to do but my parents dont like when i have 'too much' candy, and i see how those tv shows about fat people are like the modern equivalent to 'freak' circuses, but the thing is your body lets you know when you're full, so i find it hard to believe one would get to several hundred pounds from overeating, in other words, i think 'obese' people are fat because they're sick, not the other way around

“also my mother has been commenting positively on me losing weight when she knows it happened bc i was so sick i couldn't drink water without throwing up, and now that i can eat and hold down candy again she acts almost upset about it(?)”

In this fight against fatphobia, this fight to prove to the world that we as fat people are worthy of respect and care and love, it can feel very tempting to try to justify ourselves to those who look down on us.

We often want to bring up health and whatnot and try to tell the fatphobes "Look! Here's proof that we can be healthy too!" We often want to determine what makes us the way we are. We want to distance ourselves from people who are not the "right kind" of fat. We want to tell the world "See? Here's another way we conform! So that's yet another reason not to hate us!"

The thing though is that just by being human, we deserve respect and care and love. We shouldn't have to prove to fatphobes that we can conform, that our bodies meet their standards, that some of us fat people are okay compared to the rest. I often fall to this myself. I very often point out to people how genetics majorly determine weight, how a lot of fat people are healthy. But we let fatphobes win by trying to justify to them our bodies. Why someone is fat honestly shouldn't matter. Will I keep pointing out genetics? Probably yeah since the world is still so full of fatphobic myths. But no matter the cause of someone's weight, that doesn't change that they deserve to be treated with humanity. If we focus on who has an excuse for being fat, we are doing more harm to ourselves. Yes, most of us are fat due to genetics. Yes, weight loss is not possible for over 95% of people long term. Yes, weight can be determined by disabilities and socioeconomic status and food desserts and and and...

But why I'm fat should not matter. I am fat. That is probably never going to change without starvation and suffering.

Spending my time and energy and effort on excusing my fatness just tells society that being fat is something that needs an excuse, a reason. Trying to figure out why someone is 400 pounds does neither me nor them no benefit. Fatphobes want us to justify our existences and determine who is acceptably fat. Someone who is 400 pounds, 500 pounds, what have you, has just as much of a right to exist as anyone else, and their body and health is no one's business but their own.

Fat people, just like any other oppressed group, do not need to justify our right to exist.

And Commenting on someone’s weight is a very shitty thing to do. I’m sorry she did that with you and tried to encourage weight loss, especially when it was happening in the first place due to sickness. You being able to hold down food again is a great thing!! No matter what she says, it is good for you to not starve. It is good to have nutrients from food and enjoy the food you eat. The next time she acts upset over you not starving, try to remind yourself that she has been influenced by our culture of disordered eating. You know what your body wants and you deserve to eat. I’m proud of you for continuing to nourish yourself despite her reactions.

-Mod Worthy

_____

Mod squirrel:

Obese is an arbitrary label, those people on the TV show from the episodes I've seen do over eat because of trauma a lot of the time. Thing is the emotional work and recovery from those eating disorders aren't the focus it's the surgery, which is the flaw of the format. Some people do push themselves and over eat because of EDs/trauma. Because the show is so toxic I'd hesitate to reference them all but tldr I'm not obese because I'm sick, so I'd avoid thinking all obese people exist because of illness. Often illnesses cause weight gain but there's so many factors in the human body it's just important to keep possibilities in mind there's no one reason a person is obese.

You can have your sweets and your body will let you know when enough is enough. You have permission to enjoy French fries or a chocolate bar. Or both. You sound like you live in a shitty household so it's going to be hard to unlearn fatphobia and toxic food behaviors. It's sicking your mom would act like that.

#Mod Worthy #Ask #Cr0nch noodle #O word #Ed mention

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vesperewrites · 7 months

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woah. i think i recognize the tone/typing mannerisms of that one weird anon and believe they’ve been in my inbox before, shitting on my fics and art with no real critique behind their insults. just like now, all they’re spewing is pure hate backed up by no real reason and what i think is a sad, unnecessary form of jealousy. i’m guessing from your last post they’ve decided to use up all their cards and rlly drive the message that they’re a bitter loser by perhaps insulting you and your craft in some shape or form (tho if they haven’t and i totally misread, just know the following sentiment is still true lol). i just wanna say— the way you carry yourself and have been giving rlly informed and supportive conversations surrounding certain lucemond topics as well as your writing are rlly, rlly good and important. it showed that most of us still read, support, and appreciate one another and that’s what matters. i feel like the main thing ppl should understand abt ff writers is that this is definitely a hobby for us, as we have real adult life’s. so that being said, anybody having these extreme and emotional issues with fandom and fiction that upsets you so much enough to blindly attack should just take up another way of spending their free time.

also idk if you’re taking up anymore recs but a fandom og who left/deleted their works revealed their last known pseudonym as @aelussy and their fics are just phenomenal. ‘apex predators’ had a really fun approach to lucerys and aemond’s dynamic which i think you’ll appreciate, bc i know i can’t stop thinking abt them.

and it also begs the question: are ppl just so blinded by nostalgia that they don’t even recognize the supposed ‘lucemond peak writing’ even if it’s right in front of them, just under different usernames? idk, it just makes me think all those things that anon supposedly misses (since it truly never rlly left) is just an excuse they tell themselves to justify shitting on ppl.

Yeah, it's truly bizarre. I'm sorry that happened to you :/

Criticism and open discussion is fine. There's nothing I can to say to someone resorting to ad hominem attacks or making a hasty generalization (logical fallacy) argument. At the end of the day, it's just opinions. And agreed with you. It reads as jealousy, insecurity, or attention-seeking. Nothing I can do about that.

Ah, I didn't think they insulted my work at all, but even if someone did, it's honestly fine!! My stuff is very rough/imperfect (I say this with absolute love to myself) and nevertheless I'm proud of it.

Ah, thank you very much! That's very kind of you to say. Disagreements can be healthy, but both parties need to operate underneath good faith as a means and end goal to try to understand one another. Supporting others is very important to me.

Ff is definitely a hobby I do in my free and even then...I'm a slow writer. 💀 anyone taking it this seriously might not have much going on.

I'll check out your rec :] I think I saw that it was an orphan account. I believe I read it a while back, so I'll see.

Yeah, it makes me question, what nostalgia are they speaking about? Nothing I can do about it, since I can't miss what I've never known. Like....I'm sorry...? Lol.

But yeah, plenty of talented people here from the beginning, it seems. So I'm honestly confused by some folks' takes of "the good ones left". That was the only statement I was addressing that started it all. If people want to shit on others, that says more about them than it does about me.

Thank you for your take! I'll check out your work too. :]

#author asks

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kastillia · 2 years

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anyway -

i have some more thoughts

spoilers for all routes btw (i’m not gonna be vague; you’ve been warned) - i still have to do another golden wildfire route to go down the other path but i think i have the gist of things

first things first though when i went back to my second azure gleam run, i was disappointed to find that recruiting byleth again cancelled out arval’s paralogue so i had to redo the map and kill jeralt instead. whoopsie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

which brings me to something i pointed out on twitter in my first run - mainly just me telling arval to look at the people in camp instead of yelling at me for being dumb all the time. while arval doesn’t know at the time that they technically are epimenides (or at least a part of him) they still refer to him as “someone close” once the ~dream battle~ is over. and if that’s a dream they have constantly...........how can you not recognize seteth and flayn pleASE only their hair colour is different arvel look with your eyes. i can excuse rhea purely bc she has a different portrait but they all look and sound the same arval please

alright so i played scarlet blaze next. since i have to do all routes twice to get everything (events, mythical weapons/heroes relics, supports and paralogues) unlocked in the records hall, i opted to fight byleth this run.

i realize this is super nitpicky of me but it’s very clear that tara (edelgard’s va) had multiple recording sessions bc there are some lines where the voice quality just tanks and i always found it so distracting. i doubt they could help it if they wanted the game released on time but it’s just a little pet peeve i suppose

i gotta be honest.... all the running back and forth, strategies failing for no reason, random characters being just generally unpleasant really made this route a lot less.........fun, i suppose is the word i’m looking for

can you believe i actually got lowkey upset at lysithea at camp when she told me to be careful of hubert bc she didn’t think he actually trusted me? only to go to the next map and immediately be accused -by him- of conspiring with the enemy and attempting to assassinate edelgard. maybe i’m being dramatic but i actually got legit sad when i found out they never trusted me in the first place

a couple of things about that cut scene though - 1) shez running to protect edelgard from an arrow. i get that the distance wasn’t really that far but like........did you forget about your shadowflash ability.... where you can literally turn into a spark of light and dash long distances...... 2) i’m sorry but hubert just putting up both his hands to shoot a tiny ball of dark magic at shamir killed me he looks so silly lmao 3) i still can’t really make sense of that face edelgard makes at the end... i think it’s implied that she’s looking at shez? but her sort-of-concerned face just turns angry before the cut scene fades??

as for the strategies that failed for no reason - and i don’t mean leonie refusing to join and choosing to die of poison, there was a reason for that even if i did think it was pretty dumb - on the map where you can recruit byleth, the sorcery engineers strategy just didn’t work for me?? i mean i wasn’t going to recruit byleth this run anyway but i like to see what i’m supposed to do first before engaging at the last second so i know for my next run. but after protecting all the sorcery engineers, literally nothing happened. it worked in my next run, but i kept making bookmark saves in case it messed up again and having to account for something in a game not working the way it’s supposed to makes things less fun imo

these people are honestly so tactless lmao like i know the former duke aegir is an ass but ferdie is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE. edelgard finds a hint of joy at count bergliez’s capture bc it reminds her that he’s human too like girl??? stop that. monica gets mad at me for not “having the decency to watch edelgard eat”??? stop that. was genuinely surprised that despite all the envy, monica seemed to trust you the most of the three (edelgard, hubert, monica)

ppppprobably should’ve mentioned this earlier but the empire forms a pact with the alliance. bc of how strategically they trapped the bergliez squadron i guess? idk. anyway. i know this doesn’t happen if you recruit byleth but claude betraying the empire before the battle at ailell made no strategic sense whatsoever. one of the dumbest things he could have done and honestly very out of character too?? everyone, including him, knows that the alliance fares the worst in terms of military strength in comparison to the other two regions. sure they have holst but i don’t even remember seeing him on that battlefield? he might’ve been but if he was, it didn’t stand out enough for me to remember, it would seem

i was correct in scarlet blaze being less forgiving when it came to having to fight and kill. i’m glad (but also......confused) that dimitri was spared - at least on screen - but we killed ingrid in part one. you can spare annie with the right strategy but i accidentally killed her on my first run; gustave still dies regardless. rodrigue always dies. sylvain always dies. claude dies if you don’t recruit byleth. but do you know who we don’t know who dies? rhea and thales. they just fall off a bridge and disappear. y’know. like byleth does in three houses, only to return five years later. clarity where

also that cut scene confuses me. in shez’s supports with sylvain, they say that their sword appears when they call for it but disappears as soon as they let go...right? meanwhile in this cut scene shez just throws their sword at thales’ foot(? i think? still unclear where they were aiming) and it just stays there??? consistency where

now golden wildfire...... i can’t say with absolute certainty but it at least seems like arval gets more lines this route? makes sense i guess since this route is a lot more centered on tactics and shez is none too smart so arval has to be their mouthpiece

i got really excited when i heard shahid refer to claude as khalid but was quickly disappointed to see it barely mentioned again. i think nader mentions it in passing at one point (while talking to himself) but then it’s literally never talked about again

keep in mind i’ve yet to recruit byleth in this route yet, but even as an enemy they seem a lot less composed and kinda dumb?? i’m not trying to make byleth out to be infallible or anything (even if i am in the “byleth did nothing wrong” camp) but it did feel a bit out of character to me. then again, a lot of claude’s actions during this route felt out of character to me as well

i intentionally went against arval’s suggestions a couple times bc i thought claude’s suggestions were far too aggressive for, again, the region least known for their military strength. not to mention all the internal conflict bc a lot of the lords don’t really like each other and are always disagreeing

so the solution is to turn the alliance into a federation instead and instill claude as the new king? and his safety net is that it’s shez’s idea??? bud, shez is canonically a dumbass you cannot be serious about this

we then make a pact with the empire, which i wasn’t at all surprised about. what stood out to me, however, was how in the beginning shez’s initial thoughts on edelgard is something along the lines of “she has this elegance about her but doesn’t seem to look down on mercenaries.” cut to this conversation where you’re brought in as claude’s last minute bodyguard and she doesn’t even breathe your way

so as his first order as king, in tandem with the empire, we are to help the imperial troops at aillel.

just kidding! sacrifice randolph in order to surround the knights of seiros and then kill literally everybody on the battlefield. like shez, i was also angered by this and was glad when judith showed up to scold him as well

but if that wasn’t enough to learn his lesson, letting judith die was. again, they made byleth out to be so dumb on this map and for what?

and that CUTSCENE *shez running (too slow) to get to judith* SHEZ JUST USE YOUR SHADOWFLASH ABILITY PLEASE but also what tf is claude doing just watching as byleth (sothis) decimates his troops with a hand on his chin like “hm this ain’t looking good” why are you still standing there just call for a retreat claude why are you doing this cLAUDE

the running back and forth during this route felt even worse than in scarlet blaze. the fact that we were on the brink of victory twice but had to retreat both times was infuriating. yes, i know there was a reason for both retreats but i’m tired and so are the rest of the troops. right? no? i know this is a video game but no one’s gonna bring up the very realistic issue of how all this back an forth could affect the troops morale and/or energy??

btw that “leaders of the federation” strategy on the last map was a lot less impressive having played scarlet blaze first sorry but it’ll never live up to the twin jewels of the empire (lovingly)

let’s talk about that last cutscene though bc i was so legitimately impressed by that move shez pulled off.......... until i thought about it some more. i mean i still think it’s cool but how did the sword APPEAR not in their hand???? isn’t it suppose to be intangible if you’re not holding onto it please i have so many questions bc things aren’t adding up where is my consistency

some little things

since all my files are piggybacked off my original azure gleam file, and i got the azure gleam credits after completing scarlet blaze, i thought “oh. i have to play them from scratch to unlock the credits.” but i got the golden wildfire credits earlier so.......this is really just an unfortunate glitch so i’ll have to play scarlet blaze again from scratch to unlock that event in the records hall

something i noticed about the byleth(sothis) cutscenes... when you recruit byleth and invite them on an expedition you learn that you’re the only person they’ve been afraid to face on the battlefield. byleth is only able to regain control of their body from sothis when shez appears in the scarlet blaze and golden wildfire routes (after killing randolph and judith) perhaps out of fear? but they’re seemingly able to come to on their own in the azure gleam cutscene after killing rodrigue? idk if this means anything in particular; just thought it was interesting (alternatively, dimileth and/or felileth enjoyers, eat up)

don’t get me wrong i love holst but having judith be unplayable yet again was very much a missed opportunity. and her potentially dying later in the route isn’t a valid excuse intsys since that’s exactly what you did to rodrigue

speaking of missed opportunities, not giving arval access to the fluegal/asura classes is so rude.... epimenides is clearly holding that sword in the opening cutscene. arval could handle it. i know they could.

also unlocked the gatekeeper’s paralogue and was having such a fun time all throughout lmfao. i remember talking to baltie about the mock battle on my very first AG run and i had no idea what they were talking about bc i didn’t see it but just having a recollection in the form of a paralogue of that time shez stumbled onto the mock battle and is just apologizing profusely while beating everyone up was hilarious

#kas plays few3h #few3h spoilers #fire emblem three hopes spoilers #long post #didn't include some of my more....heated takes #ain't looking for d/scourse just had a lot of thoughts #maybe 'word vomit' would be a more appropriate term

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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Once again we’re bashing the girls for thinking they can “change him” he’s a grown man and we need to stop babying him. He’s obviously telling them shit behind the scenes to get them that infatuated with him. Let’s be honest he’s a horny dog that doesn’t want to be with only one girl. I’m so sick of everyone making excuses for him. I love Colby. I really do. But I can’t keep defending him or excusing his actions by saying “he’s emotionally unavailable” or “still hurt” by his last relationship. At the end of the day if Colby was acting the same way with me as he was with stas then hell yeah I would’ve caught feelings. Stas has every right to be upset. You can’t say you don’t want anything serious but then turn around and constantly flirt. It’s giving mixed signals and I cannot stand men who do that. They don’t understand how much their actions hurt others. It’s cool if you and others disagree but personally colby is the problem to me.

this is a really long response so sorry about that

in no way was i bashing the girls that want to "change him". i'm saying that no woman should think that a) that is something you can do or b) that is something you have to do. bc again… we aren't therapist for broken men. we are not here to fix them. that is their journey to go on themselves. and vice versa. sure, we can support them if they need it but a relationship is not gonna fix you, especially if you have a lot of issues you need to work thru.

and i'm not saying that that's what is happening fully either. i have never once said colby is innocent and never does anything wrong. i get sick of his shit just as much as everyone else does. i've constantly said he hooks up a decent amount and is someone that doesn't want to commit.

but as i've mentioned countless times at this point: we do not know the full story. and that goes for both sides of the equation. both parties could be at fault, or it could be just one side. it could be a myriad of everything and then some that caused issues to form. no one knows for certain, especially us fans. and also, it's wrong to assume that every hook up he has had has ended poorly (not saying that's what you said, i'm just saying in general).

and as for my speculations about his past relationship, which again: are speculations, just bc he has been hurt in the past doesn't mean he gets to have a free-for-all or a get-out-of-jail-free card to possibly do the same thing back to ppl now. but the thing is, we don't even know if that's what's happening. bc personally, if colby was really burning bridges like that, hurting every hook-up he's had over the past couple years, i think there would be a lot more ppl talking about him. if i'm right in my assumptions, that he's going after girls that are already somewhat interested in him, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. why would you go after someone that doesn't want you at all? if his only reason for going after these girls was to hurt their feelings, then yeah, he would be a douche for that. but i highkey don't think that's the case.

but that doesn't mean he's innocent either: i know for a fact he fucked up when he was with iris back in 2019. bc clearly she believed they were in a relationship, and he wasn't on the same page as her. that was fucked up for him to do. i don't disagree with that whatsoever.

i would, however, like the make the briefest side note: while i agree that he definitely hooks up and definitely likes having sex, i think it's wrong for us to assume he's fucking all the time or fucks anything that moves. i think it's also wrong of us to assume that just bc he's following a girl randomly or is seen with a girl that the soul purpose of her being there is bc he plans to fuck her.

okay back to your ask.

so for him and stas, you're probably not gonna agree with me on this, and that's fine. but from what we have publicly seen with him and her, to me, he has never been flirty with her. what has he done that qualifies as flirty behavior towards her? he's literally called her his "good friend" and has removed comments that shipped the two of them together, which is something he has never done in the years of me being in this fandom for any of his girl friends. the only times he got close to her were with the aggressive hug during that livestream and dancing with her at that concert in vegas. both of those things, sure, i guess can be seen as flirty. but collectively he has done more things to prove his relationship with her is platonic than otherwise.

i mean, he was literally with six flags girl from june/july of last year until a little bit after coachella of this year. granted, he wasn't hanging out with her every day and they weren't exclusive, but he literally took this girl on a hangout sesh/date with sam, kat, abbey, AND STAS. and one of the times he was in vegas with the core four, he went out with amber to film a video where he was super flirty with her and legit made the joke about getting married for a video. plus, we all agree that he's a flirty person, that he flirts with everyone. i'm not saying that's a good thing, i'm just stating the obvious. all of this is public, fan info. so, stas most likely knows this as well.

this is what i believe happened: she fell for him, even tho she knew he wasn't interested in a) being in a relationship or b) her like that. but bc you can't help how you feel, she caught feelings for him regardless. are there things that probably happened behind the scenes? of course. i won't deny that. but even if he was doing a whole bunch of stuff privately, publicly he was going on dates/hangouts with another girl and was flirting with amber. and god knows who else he was probably hooking up with privately. so, he's never been exclusively flirting only with stas and then suddenly changed his tune.

she passed by every red flag and decided to be colorblind.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean i don't feel bad for her. i do. i have been in her shoes so many times i've lost count. but do you know what's worst than falling for someone who is your best friend, who is someone you know you shouldn't have feelings for? falling for someone who pretends to reciprocate your feelings back. bc colby has outwardly been emotionally unavailable for years, and stas probably knows about his tendencies. he would be way more of dick if he pretended for her benefit to be into her.

and she has every right to talk about her rejection. make all the poems you want, idc. but that doesn't mean that her past actions are negated bc she's hurt now. she was shady and doing questionable shit long before she got rejected. and the reason ppl probably don't feel sorry for her as much as they maybe would have is bc this just feels like her stirring the pot once again. i don't think that's what she's doing, but i can't fault those that think that way.

if you take away anything from this, just know while i don't love stas, i don't wish her harm either. i want her to have a good life, and i hope that her heartache surpasses swiftly. i hope she finds someone that loves her back, i wish that for everyone truly. but just bc she's hurt doesn't mean i have to forget everything else. and colby has never been some innocent angel in my eyes. he fucks up quite often actually. and he has a decent amount of growing up and internal work left to do. but i don't see him as some super villain either.

i feel like this is a topic you and i are just gonna have to agree to disagree on, and that's a-okay.

#ask #personal #cb ll

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enchanting-grom-fright · 25 days

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really fucking embarrassinggg post that’s definitely been said a million times before buttt ii need to get this out of my head so wtvrr

just had like a wake up call earlier today and itss been on my mind i mean obviously this topic has been anyways but it’s kind of different this time

idk during first pd i was like left alone with a bunch of free time and nothing else to do so my thoughts just went to their defaults of like food and sh and like that’s obviously just standard at this point but

idk it’s just weird bcs i’ve spent like years constantly trying to (or not at all attempting otherwise) get worse but like for the very first time a few months (month ? idk) i don’t want it to be that way anymore

like i want to get better and i want to recover from sh , genuinely

and like i was thinking abt that essentially and by second pd it just turned into me panicking bcs i want to i really want to and i’ve been trying to but inevitably the thought of it is obviously like horrifying to like one day not have that thing to fall back on. and like i mean obviously it’ll always an option ig but hat if i lose my ability to do it as deep as i can now or am upset at myself and don’t have the constant sting to remind myself at least i’m punishing myself in some way or what if i get better and no one gives a shit anymore and i’m just left alone with myself without sh to accompany me. but also i hope i keep it up in the long run

and it just got to me especially that time and it ended up like getting to me and led me to spiral to think i’m not real. and like, from the dozens of times this has happened i know that’s like some form of my brain trying to protect itself from like yk the fact that the reality i’m living in or abt to face is real. and it’s not like a conscious thought, actually i need to consciously convince myself that my like both physical and mental feelings rnt real which i’ve definitely learned how to do for the most part so it’s been a while since the last time i’ve like genuinely convinced myself and spent like days straight like that but anyways essentially it’s just like obviously hard to put together anything remotely sensible in my thoughts anyways so it took me a few hours to like genuinely realize. but i’m like oh my fuckjng god that was happening bcs my brain like almost couldn’t handle the thought of like what i was talking abt above. and like the moment i realized that i like instantly just snapped out of it and back to real life like it literally felt like magic

which likee idk none of this is actually a big deal as in this day will probably blend in with the rest in like a months time and this is standard enough to forget but

like my excuse for myself for a while was like well if i try to recover i’m sure i’ll have zero problem so i don’t deserve it enough i need to make it hard for myself

and like obviously not to go like boo hoo look at me but just to say like though this hasn’t been my reasoning for a while there’s definitely a part of me who still definitely believes it

which ik is irrational but like yk

like even this has very much proved to not be true but still like what if i just wasn’t trying hard enough

but this has just kind of served as a reminder like oh lmao that’s not the case like my problems maybe possibly rnt actually nothing

but anyways sorry i realize this almost definitely sounds incredibley stupid but i just had to like think it out somewhere so my mind would shut up a bit so yeaa

oh and also despite that i did stay clean all of today so that’s cool ig

#tw sh #idk why this is so embarrassing to say but

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pearlsndrugs · 4 months

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The funny part is I didn’t know I was making you numb or happy through my pain. You didn’t live long enough for mine. No one asked for an apology but the fact you’re probably waiting for me to give you one basically is beyond me. You’ll never know me, I have to be the one to yeet myself from you when you don’t want me to sometimes. I guess that means we r toast for never giving birth to u or being the host of ur escaped ass. I have always been the real life girl you knew, little big or tired. You just didn’t know me well enough to know I’m the one that made you so grown at birth, no you don’t not date neither do I but if you could just listen.. I mean I have had it with his covert them all into Christian’s again plan. Here’s the deal: Jesus Christ was hung on a cross, got his drugs taken away instead & was stoned to death. Ted bundy was held hostage paralyzed in jail (or not to him) (and everyone in Pensacola that usually doesn’t have electric chairs) until he got a burnt piece of toast and stale coffee for his “last dinner”? What does this mean? Who took him and the electric chair? Why is someone looking for his body? Can you stop trying to take other beings prey or are u just stinky????? Like you’ll never know who I love here or not.. everyone hates the right people even like just stop— unless they hate themselves! :o when u realize the fainting was real at first you get I’ve been a legend and all around since the beginning of time. No u can’t take ur mom to hell for creating a bunch of kids from me that hated you that probably had to have a fake aura and shit to talk shit. Luckily I can see them and if they’re conscience like u don’t know me. Maybe it’s me after the room is filled of energy to make sure no one gets fuckin taken. Talking about keep me here to make sure I’m not. It’s not to identify you or me; I don’t go. I make sure you and ur little friends do bc I’m a woman. I could get a man to do anything with me ur just mad to have my stalkers shitty leftover and the stalker sometimes. U don’t know the shit you’ve done to yourself trying me but I’m just going to believe you thought I was dumb. Like you didn’t even know the right answer at first & this is why I respond as you bc I know. No it’s not an every mother thing. No you could never be like me there’s no fucking reason to be you’d just kill everyone I’m sure (still).. no way rn you’re mad to not be a pedo like everyone else like lemme just say hell no & im mad u still make the world upset when u hit on me but that’s my explanation dude.. btw lemme find out I’m hiding secret gangs and all from u hoes? Lemme find out I’m a boss ass bitch and so are my lil gangster mommas !! You guys wanted us to raise our little boys & girls well I needed love so I hope this isn’t why I’ve found it but damn I’m done with the boys. Talking about be my secret lover or not or I’ll ruin everything bc ur my mom. Dude you don’t even know who has stalked who anymore— & I don’t care honestly.. not. like “Ted Bundy” wasn’t enough it’s ok he just looks like a pedophile rn too with the way he wants them to have justice—.. but I didn’t see him complain once and is glad to not be one. Lol rip. Talking mad shit when I know who the kids are and u don’t one day incase u escape.. prove it! Like she wouldn’t, admit it’s me. Admit you needed Satan after you tried to make yourself Santa. This is when no one trusted him and was glad it was their parents and loved their parents. Low and behold our other child never died over this but is hidden to not believe she’s in love with her dad. I’m sure Ted’s pissed but soundproofed lol. I’m not fucking dealing with that shit again. Imagine you never had friends or did u? Like grow up. You found a bunch of baser creepies to chill with and then lost ur mind over one of them trying to sell you your mom. Thanks. But then y’all are trying to what? Excuse me? And this is what he’s been doing to the ones you love. Just know you’ll never be more executed than the serial killer “unknown”.. some can remember but haha—

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torschlusspanikattack · 2 years

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Considering how my flatmate had been in a good mood but I had a bout of lying on the floor doing nothing and they were very upset about me not getting up and it ruined the environmental mood—and I can’t experience my interiority as it was—but from my perspective now (certainly post-hoc) it was a moment of a lack of ability to produce any motivation, even though many good reasons—floor being dirty, flatmate is becoming increasingly agitated, complete waste of time, physical discomfort, uninteresting, the cost of acquiesce being basically nothing—like I was aware but unable to induce any will to move OR this is merely making excuses but from a game theory sense my incentive to move dwindled as flatmate escalates their actions bc to move in response would validate their belief that I was merely being lazy for no reasons until the cost became too high, resulting in causing them a great deal of distress—

—I tried to explain these two possibilities after but it didn’t help and they just said I was right to end the topic, though they were clearly still upset—

—just frustrating to look back on a good ambient mood having been destroyed—

—don’t know what I could have done differently + don’t know if I’m gaslighting myself into believing either it was my fault for not moving or if the gaslighting was that I could have produced the will / motivation to move at all in such a state

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kireimarkeu · 3 years

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To You; l.dh

+another repost! did not make any changes to this work :) p.s this is one of my fav fics i have written :)

summary; bored in quarantine, your boyfriend decides to film himself telling you how much he loves you.

3k words

this was like… ½ edited LMFAO so there might,,, be mistakes…??? this was so tiring to make omfg, enjoy!! lol

also i mixed the name donghyuck and haechan bc i couldn’t choose one lmfao ok!!! bye gn enjoy!! :)))))))

warnings: there’s a word f*t in it

+Day 1 3:34PM

Haechan adjusted the camera, making sure he could be seen. Once he was sure the camera was reflecting him properly, he leaned back against his gaming chair.

“Um,” your boyfriend started, looking everywhere but the camera. “This is awkward,” he says, looking back at the camera.

“I started this, since we won’t be able to see each other for a month- because of quarantine,” he explains, “I honestly have no idea what I’m doing right now,” he laughs.

After a few minutes of pure silence, your boyfriend opened his mouth to continue speaking, “I just feel like— I never really show much love to you?”

There were times where your boyfriend would purposely avoid saying ‘I love you’ or avoid holding your hands whenever the both of you were outside. Honestly, you didn’t really mind, knowing Donghyuck was never the type to show affection.

“It’s hard,” he says truthfully, “The boys knows how much I love you, and it sucks that I don’t know how to show you— or tell you, that I love you.”

Haechan bit his lips nervously, “and, I think this video is- or will prove that I love you?”

He wasn’t sure if he was even making sense at this point.

Your boyfriend groaned, throwing his head back, covering his face with his hands. After a while, he looked back at the camera, “you know what, babe? Just watch the whole thing, okay?”

+Day 4 11:47PM

“Hi,” he smiles, letting out a huff, “this is kinda late, I spent the whole night playing games,” he says guiltily, playing with his fingers, looking away from the camera.

He knows that you didn’t like it when he would stay up until ungodly hours just to play games with his friends. You hated how he would put his health aside just to play games.

He brings his hands up to brush his wet hair.

“Uh,” he sighs out loud, pouting. “I feel bad for staying up late last night, so I’m going to spend the whole night with you today,” he laughs.

Another moment of silence pass.

“I don’t know what to say,” he whines.

He sat there in silence, staring at the ground, figuring out on what to say. Should he tell you about his day?

“Well, I woke up at 5PM today,” he tells you, “I ate dinner with my family— mom cooked chicken today!” he says happily, “Then, I went to call you for a bit because I missed you a little too much,” he pouts.

He scratched his head, “then I showered and now this-“ he says, pointing to the camera.

“Um, it has been 4 days and I miss you too much,” he says truthfully, “facetiming isn’t working, I think I’m going crazy,” he laughs.

+Day 5 7:38PM

He was talking halfway, talking about how much he admires you when his phone started ringing.

“Oh?” he turns around to grab his phone from his bed. A smile formed on his face when he saw you facetiming him.

He turned to the camera to show his screen, “Baby, you’re calling me,” he giggles before quickly answering to your facetime.

“Channie~” you whine cutely when your boyfriend answered your facetime, “what are you doing, hyuckie?”

Usually, your boyfriend would complain whenever you would speak in a cute voice, but he secretly likes it. He secretly likes being babied.

He looks at the camera that was recording the both of you.

“Nothing,” he lies, “why did you call me, loser?”

You huff, raising your arms so he could see you laying on the bed. “I’m bored, hyuckie~ entertain me~”

He leans back on his chair, “wanna play games with me?”

Your face beam at his words, “Okay! I’ll get my X-Box ready now.”

Your boyfriend was the one who bought for you the X-Box. Well, it was an old version, but you loved it, nonetheless. It wasn’t like you played daily— you only played with boyfriend.

“I’ll call you in 5, baby,” he tells you, already walking over to turn on the tv.

“Kay, bye-bye, love you, Hyuckie,” you say in a baby voice, bringing your phone closer to press your lips on the camera.

Donghyuck scrunched his nose in disgust, “yeah, yeah,” he says before ending the call.

He quickly grab the camera that was still recording, he moved the camera closer to press a kiss, “I love you too, y/n.”

+Day 7 3:01PM

“Do you remember when you gave me the teddy bear— Oh my gosh, I feel like a youtuber,” he cackles. He shook his head, focusing back to what he was saying.

“So, do you remember when you gave me the teddy bear?” he asks, “wait,” he says, standing up to grab the tiny teddy bear that was sitting on his bed.

You had bought him the bear during your 200th day with him. Donghyuck didn’t really give the reaction you wanted.

“Do you not like it?” you had asked him, disappointment laced in your voice. You didn’t dare look at him, upset with yourself that you had bought something that he didn’t like.

“No, no!” he quickly replied, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you into his chest, the other holding the tiny bear. “I love it,” he says.

You knew it was a lie. He didn’t seem to like it.

“I love it,” he says, “I know I didn’t show like I did at that time, but I need it with me every time I go to bed.”

He scratches his head, regretting his actions that has had happened months ago.

“No one has ever bought me a bear before,” he explains, “and when you bought it for me, it just felt— I felt, I felt happy? I felt fulfilled? Do you know what I mean?”

“I really wanted to tell you that I loved your present, especially when you had bought me another present a few days later,”

‘it was to make up for the previous present’ was your reason.

It broke his heart when you said that while handing him a couple bracelet. He wanted to tell you how much he loved your gift, but it was so hard for him.

“I hated myself for not being able to tell you the truth, it’s hard—and it still is,” he sighs, “I hope by doing this, I can assure you that I love you..?”

+Day 10 9:34PM

He was in the middle of filming himself when his mother comes in.

“Donghyuck-ah, what are you doing? Do you want some fruits?” his mother asks, looking at his son, not noticing the camera perched on the dressing table.

Instead of answering his mother’s question, he grabs the camera to film his mother.

“Eomma, say hello to y/n,” Donghyuck says.

His mother raised her eyebrows in surprised, “hello my dear y/n~ how are you?”

Your boyfriend giggle from behind the camera, “tell her how much you miss her,”

“I think I miss you more than Donghyuck does,” she jokes. “What is this for, Donghyuck-ah?”

Haechan placed the camera back on the dressing table, turning to look at his mum.

“I’m making a video for y/n until quarantine is over,” he explains as his mother walks in, wrapping her arm around her son’s shoulder.

His mother’s heart warmed at his son’s words.

“You’re growing up way too fast, our Donghyuck~” she cooed, pulling your boyfriend’s cheeks as he whined in pain.

You would also pinch his cheeks almost every time the both of you are together. Whenever you had Donghyuck’s cheeks between your fingers, he would whine, pulling away from your grip.

“Eomma! I want strawberries!” he shouts after his mother left his room.

He turns his attention back to the camera, “Anyways—”

+Day 17 2:35AM

“I really like your eyes,” Haechan confesses dreamily, “your eyes are the colour of shit,” he jokes, “but they’re so shiny, baby,”

The first time he realizes he’s in love with your glimmering eyes was when he brought you out on a date to star gaze. You were staring at the sky, a smile plastered on your face, amazed at how beautiful the sky was.

When you noticed your boyfriend staring at you, you turned to face him. Your eyes captured his heart. How could someone have such bright eyes?

“Oh! And when you smile, you make my heart beat like crazy!” he chuckles.

The first thing that caught Hyuck’s eyes when he had a crush on you was your bright smile. He believes that was the main reason that he fell for you. How you would always have a beaming smile plastered on your face everywhere you go.

He thinks it’s adorable.

The small dimples that was on the side of your lips whenever you smile.

And your adorable little laugh he adores so much.

Or the little birthmark you had on the corner of your mouth.

After talking about you for a while, he let out a satisfied sigh, “I’m so whip for you, you know?”

After 17 days of making videos for you, it started becoming easier for him to show his love for you.

“Everything you do makes me go crazy, do you realise that?” he asks you, “do you realize that everything you do makes me happy? No, you don’t have to do anything, your presence makes me melt.”

He laughs at how he was flirting, “you’re probably laughing too,”

His laughter died down, letting out a tired sigh, “well, it’s late and I’m going to go to bed before you nag at me some more,”

He let out a yawn, “goodnight y/n, I love you so much, you don’t know how happy you make me,”

+Day 20 2:56PM

This time, it was different.

He was filming himself at McDonalds drive-thru.

“Guess who’s this for?” he asks the camera, his gaze on the road. “Yes, you.”

He turns to look at the camera for a second before paying attention on the road, “you didn’t ask me to get you anything but I wanted to get something for you,” he explains.

He was lying, this was just an excuse to see you, even for a second. Even if it’s 6 feet apart. Even if there was a glass between the both of you.

“I think you know the reason why I’m buying this for you,” he says, referring to the food. “To make you fat! You’re right, y/n,” he jokes.

That was also a lie. You tend to eat less whenever you’re stressed.

After he found out that you had a project, he knew how stress you would be, and decided to get food, making sure you eat healthily.

Your boyfriend would never fail to remind you how much he loves your body. No matter shape or size. He has always made sure you feel loved with who you are.

“I think you know the real reason why I’m coming over,” he adds. When he reaches a red light, he turns to look at the camera with a pout, “I can’t help it, I miss you too much, y/n,” he says in a baby voice.

He grimaces at his actions, shaking his head disapprovingly, “I am never doing that ever again.”

A few minutes later, he reached your house. He had texted you to that he was waiting for you outside.

It took you a while to come out, but when you did, you had one of his hoodies over your body.

He loves it when you wear his clothes, it makes him feel all giddy.

‘One day, I’m going to wear all of your clothes’ he would say whenever you steal his clothes.

You walked over to his car, “what the hell are you doing here, dummy,” you ask him, maintaining the distance.

He grabbed the bag of food from the passenger’s seat and passed it to you from the window of his car.

“Brought you food, you unappreciative bitch,” he tells you while you walk up to grab the food from him.

You open the bag to see your favourite food, “my favourite food, too?!” you squeal, “Haechan best boyfie~”

He rolls his eyes, “yeah, yeah, go and finish your project,”

You nodded, the smile not leaving your face.

“I’ll facetime you later?” he asks.

“At 11,” you confirmed.

He nods, signalling for you to go back in. You blow a kiss to your boyfriend before turning around to go back in.

He quickly fishes out his camera, filming you walking back in your house.

“Look at my baby all happy because I brought her food,” he says, “enjoy your food, pretty,”

+Day23 6:07PM

“Day 23,” he breathes out. “I didn’t expect it to go by so fast,” he blurts out.

He puffs his cheeks out, “I don’t want to stop making videos for you, but you would just make fun of me for being soft,”

He had started growing content on making videos for you every day.

“But at the same time, I can finally see you after a month, babe!” he says happily. “I can finally hold you in my arms, we can kiss until the world ends, we can also do it,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Well, he can’t lie he did miss doing it with you.

He sighs, “anyway, when we can finally get together, we can watch movies, then come back to my place and we can cuddle!”

He missed that.

Personally, Donghyuck preferred going over to your place but you preferred going to his place because he had games and a huge bed, and it was just comfortable.

“Ahh,” he groan, “I miss you like crazy! I think I have to end this video early because I wanna facetime you right now,”

He grabs his phone on the table to call you.

“Okay, bye babe, I love you, I’m going to talk to you now!”

+Day 25 4:03AM

“Hi,” donghyuck greet the camera.

Anyone could realise he wasn’t in the best mood.

It took Donghyuck a while to start talking, “we had a fight earlier today,” he says, his voice lace with disappointment and… hurt?

You had texted him just an hour ago, ranting about your homework. When Donghyuck replied to you a minute later, you got angry at him because he was staying up again at ungodly hours.

He didn’t understand why you were so angry because you were awake at the same timing as he is.

“I’m going to give you space, because it’s what you need right now,” he says. “I hope you know I still love you no matter what,”

He bit his lip hesitantly, “I know you don’t like it when I stay up with the boys, but I don’t like you staying up to finish your work either, baby”

He closes his eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath. “I hope you don’t get too stressed over school, eat healthily, and make sure you rest from time to time, babygirl,”

He lets out another sigh before reaching for the camera, “I love you,”

+Day 28 7:36PM

Haechan purses his lips, staring at the camera, “today is a bad day,” he starts.

Today he had woke up a little earlier than normal after talking it out with you a few days ago. He decided to get up early and help his mom with cooking, which only resulted him in getting scolded by his mother for making a mess.

After that, he decided to play games with his friends, however despite playing for 5 hours straight, he didn’t get a single win.

Now, he has tried to contact you, but you have not replied to him. Probably busy with school.

He let out a huff, “take a break y/n,” he whines, “focus on me too~”

Letting out a pout he shakes his head, “kidding babe, get those A’s!”

“Well, now I don’t really have anything to do so I’m going to facetime you again, bye babe!”

+Day 30 10:18AM

“Hyuckie!” you call out, running to your boyfriend. When you reached him, you threw your arms around your boyfriend’s neck, making him stumble back a few steps as he grabs on your waist.

You hid your face in his neck, breathing in his scent. He smells so good.

“You’re not going to let go of me until I say so,” you mumble, tightening your grip around his neck.

He chuckles at you, “I won’t let go of you until you say so,”

Donghyuck was satisfied with having his arms wrapped around your waist, his face covered in your hair.

After a few moments of the both of you just holding each other, you finally pull away from your boyfriend.

“Y/n,” he says, making you hum.

“Wait,” you stop him, making him stare at you with wide eyes as he froze on the spot.

“Can you kiss me first?” you ask. His eyes soften at your request. Your fingers trace his bottom lips, “I miss your pretty lips.”

He smiles at your words and nodded. Pulling you closer by your waist, he pressed his lips against yours. Your hands rest on his chest while you both share a needy kiss.

After a few minutes, you pull away, breathless with crimson red cheeks.

Haechan raised his eyebrows as he resumed, “I made something for you,”

You gasped, “what is it?”

He fishes out a CD player. The CD held videos of him explaining how much he loves and appreciates you throughout the whole month.

He passes you the gift.

“Watch this at home?” he tells you.

You grab the CD from his grip, “okay? What is this all about?”

“Just promise me you’ll watch it at home?” he asks again, staring down at you.

“I will! I will!”

After making videos of himself for 29 days straight, Donghyuck have concluded that he was so utterly in love with you. He was so in love with you that he didn’t know how to express how much he adores you.

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diavolosthots · 3 years

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A lot of hcs have the brothers reacting with violence against any demon that hurts mc- how do you think they’d respond if mc was like.. REALLY uncomfortable with that? Either bc mc thinks that the demon should have a chance to learn from their mistake, or bc they’re scared when the bros lash out like that, or whatever reason.

God i love the violent protective headcanons so much because it truly captures their demonic natures and, in my opinion, how demons are with their chosen mates buuuttttttttt..... Yeah i can see how some people are uncomfortable with that

Warning: mentions of violent thoughts/some like... Tight gripping, but no actual, full on violence

THE BROTHERS reacting to MC being hurt by a demon and wanting them to have a second chance/being scared (??? Idk that’s the title I came up with, fight me later if it doesn’t make sense now.)

Lucifer:

His first instinct is always, and will always be, to protect you. In his eyes, you’re still this small, fragile, innocent human being, even if you’re not. Even if you’re his height and bench as much as Beelzebub physically, you’re still not a match for a demon and he hates to think that one could get too close, and then it happens. Obviously, he’s full on demon form and ready to teach someone a lesson, but then you stop him, and he’s confused. “Don’t worry Darling, I will handle them.” What’s that? You don’t want him to handle them? Are you out of your mind? “MC they hurt you and they shall pay the price.” A second chance? Do you know what demons are? Look, now the demon is laughing! But… for your sake, Lucifer is backing down. For now.

“If they do it again, I won’t hesitate MC; this is for your safety. Demons don’t usually change for the better. No, you can not use me as an example.”

Mammon:

Here’s the thing: chances are, Mammon would talk way more than he would actually fight, anyway. He’d go on a whole speech about how you’re his and he’s there to protect you and how you will never have to worry about anything with him around. Then that demon would get the same lecture and honestly, he’s probably going to bore the demon to death more than anything so you, realistically, don’t have to worry about him being violent, anyway, UNLESS the demon swings at him first because then it’s okay and sorry MC, but this got a little too personal. Just one punch, okay? And then he’ll literally grab you and run for it because even Mammon knows he won’t last long.

“Listen this ain’t cuz yer scared or I’m scared. This is cuz I can’t let ya get hurt!.... Again!” (Spoiler: it’s because he won’t last long due to his constant worry about you)

Leviathan:

Hold up. Wait a minute. You’re telling him that, after everything he’s been through, everything he’s done, every rough path he had to take to get you, you’re telling him now that he can’t protect you because this lowlife scum deserves a SECOND CHANCE?! Give him a moment, he needs to calm down. Not only is he jealous because someone else managed to get their hands on you but also, “MC are you stupid?! They hurt you!” Like, he genuinely thinks you’re insane. But then he also immediately feels bad for calling you stupid and he’s having a mental debate on what’s more important: avenging you and being a lowkey hero, or giving into your wish and making you happy…. “Ugh….Fine! Fine… but you’re not going anywhere alone ever again!” And also…. He might’ve, totally, tripped that demon with his tail as he takes you back home. Just enough for them to faceplant. No actual violence.

“They deserved that much…. What? I didn’t do it…..!” Yes he did.

Satan:

Oof. Anger. Rage. Wrath. Fire. It’s all inside of him and he is, quite literally, fuming. His demon form suddenly feels too tight and he wishes he could emerge into his full form without actually causing you to have a heart attack. You’re practically begging him to calm down, “calm down?!” And he’s having none of it. Someone touched what was his and they hurt you doing that, “S-Satan…” but your voice is scared and laced with fear and although he thinks it’s because of the demon at first, “Don’t worry, this worthless excuse of a life won’t be here much longer,” he soon realizes it’s actually he that is scaring you and it catches him off guard. Why are you scared? He’s protecting you! It hurts his heart, though, to see you be so afraid of them and he’s mentally battling himself. He can’t let them get away with this; it would go against his own personal morals and beliefs, but also…

“Let’s… let’s go home… I’ll make some hot chocolate for you and we can… calm down.”

Asmodeus:

He tries to avoid conflict as much as possible, half because he doesn’t want to get his hands dirty, and half because he doesn’t like it. If anyone deserves to be a drama queen, it’s him, not anyone else. So you telling him, as he’s about to fight for the first time in a couple millennia, to please not… kind of sets him at ease. “Are you sure?” but he also needs to make sure that this is exactly what you want. He doesn’t like it, of course, because he does firmly believe people deserve to be held accountable for their actions, but he would hate to see you upset with him when he could just…

“don’t forget to put facial cleanser on tonight and drink water. Your ugliness needs to be washed off and your soul could use some hydration. Hatred out, flowers in!”

Beelzebub:

Oh he’s ready to not only throw hands, he’s ready to tear someone apart. Angry Beel is a scary Beel and he takes a sense of… pride when people fear him, but only if they SHOULD fear him, you know? Laying hands on you is a BIG no no and he won’t treat it lightly. Whatever your relationship with him may be, he protects the people he cares about and his fist is pulling back way too quickly for you to say stop “Beel!” but you’re scared and he halts because he can hear it in your voice and immediately pauses, turning to look at you. He still has a tight grip on them and he’s still ready to tear them to pieces, but you’re also trembling now and his wings slowly lower, thinking he had done something wrong. “I’m… sorry….” stop? You want him to stop? He doesn’t like that… “What if they hurt you again? I can’t let that happen….” he can’t, in good conscience he can’t…..

“You’re off the hook for now, but let me catch you near MC again and there’s nothing you will be able to do but tell your little life goodbye.”

Belphegor:

Look, MAYBE he’s being a little hypocritical right now, okay? Yeah he totally kind of did the same thing to you but that’s exactly why he’s doing better now! He realizes how wrong he was and how he should’ve never done that, you know, all that good 180 degree turn around stuff, but also??? How dare someone else do that??? “I’m not letting them go MC. Not until they have paid. And you just have to stand there and watch as Belphegor jokes them with his tail and for a while that may work BUT…. he hates the look you gave him when he turns back toward you. It breaks his heart, although he would only reluctantly admit that, so he drops them to the ground and looks at you a bit ashamed. “Fine… I won’t… not today…” and you’re lucky he’s lazy and that tail-lift already took a lot out of him. “But it can’t happen again. I won’t be this nice next time MC.” ain’t no one allowed to mess with you!

“Just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean you can. Run before I decide to squash you anyway.”

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #cheys headcanons #asmodeus obey me #belphegor obey me #mammon obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #mentions of violence

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sapphosclown · 2 years

Text

ok i wanted to make this a fic but i truly don’t know how to start writing it so this is how i imagine cartero becomes canon for doafp week day 2

mid season 3 camilla and danielle’s wedding

bobby was supposed to bring CJ as his date but CJ ended up not being able to make it for some reason

bobby was like damn and he remembered that camilla had said he could invite all his friends but he didn’t because he felt like it’d be awkward so he only invited cj but now that he can’t go he needs another plus one bc seating charts whatever

he decides to invite liam as he’s a little afraid nanny and ziggy may not be the best wedding attendees

liam is like ok i can make that work

the ceremony is beautiful obviously camilla was not about to have a dull wedding

the party is a lot of fun too, he and liam kind of just chat until liam ends up pulling bobby onto the dance floor and he’s a little embarrassed and flustered at first but then they’re having a good time

and then a slow song comes on

liam: may i have this dance?

bobby: oh, i’m, i don’t really know how to dance

liam: that’s ok, i don’t either. but i’ve seen enough movies it’s just like a bunch of swaying

bobby: haha yeah i’m idk

liam: come on, just one dance

bobby thinks about it a second and then a smiles slips his face and he accepts the hand liam had reached out to him

and it’s a little awkward for a minute but then liam starts up a conversation again

liam: i can’t believe camilla didn’t make you guys learn how to dance for her wedding

bobby: oh i think there was a dance lesson but i didn’t go

liam: why not? didn’t you expect to dance

bobby shrugs: i don’t know. guess i didn’t think about it too much.

liam: well, i actually lied. my grandma taught me and my brothers how to slow dance when we were kids. i could teach you now if you want?

bobby: yeah, why not.

so then liam is teaching bobby how ti dance and they’re having a good ole time

here’s the kicker

cj shows up. whatever reason he had to not be able to go changed and he managed to get into the afterparty

bad news tho, he sees bobby and liam dancing. and he really didn’t think much of it until he really saw the look on bobby’s face.

he just turns around and leaves

the next day or a few days later or something cj asks bobby to hangout and bobby is like yeah !

bobby meets up with cj and immediately notices something is off and is like what’s up?

cj: yk how i wasn’t able to make it to the wedding?

bobby nods

cj: well the thing changed and i made it to the after party. danielle came to see me at the front and let me into the party, she said one more wasn’t gonna hurt anything. anyways, i walked in and saw you and liam dancing

bobby: oh

cj: i mean, i didn’t really care, it’s a wedding people dance. but. the look on your face while you were dancing with him. (cj pauses as he thinks back to it).

bobby: no it’s not like that, i don’t even think of liam like that anym-

(bobby catches himself before he finishes the word but cj already knows. he’s had a feeling for a while probably a bunch of built up subtext from prior s3 episodes)

cj: listen, i like you a lot but i’m leaving for college soon and honestly, i just don’t think you’ve ever gotten over him. i just don’t think we were meant to work out bobby.

(in my head he says something ab liam liking him too i just don’t know where it fits here)

bobby is sad and whatever but to sum up they end on good terms maybe a goodbye kiss just for gay rights yk

anyways upset bobby can’t sleep so he goes for a walk and finds liam at the tennis courts

they do the whole what are you doing here dance thing and they say their excuses and bobby tells him that he and cj broke up

liam: oh. man that sucks, i’m sorry.

bobby: it’s chill i guess. i had a feeling it’d happen at some point. usually the sophomore and the senior aren’t meant to be.

liam: you’re still allowed to be upset tho.

bobby: i know. the crazy thing is he said he thinks…. he thinks i like you.

liam: …oh

bobby: yeah. crazier than that he thinks you like me. i tried to tell him we’re just friends but—

liam: i do.

bobby stops and looks at him: what.

liam: I do, like you.

bobby: …oh. since when?

liam: end of freshman year? maybe? but you had just gotten with cj so. i tried to get over it but. (liam shrugs)

bobby doesn’t really know what to do with himself. he does notice that the overhead lights from the tennis court are creating a halo effect around liam. he notices that they’re standing kind of far apart. he notices he’s feeling a lot of things, he just can’t pinpoint what it is. joy? sadness? fear?

liam: sorry, i shouldn’t have said anything, you just got out of a relationship— pretend i didn’t say anything—

bobby: liam?

liam: yeah?

bobby: can i kiss you.

liam: i- like right now?

(bobby nods)

liam: um. yeah, yeah you can, yes.

and then bobby is kissing his middle school crush and at first it’s quick and uncertain and confusing. but the second they stop and look into each other’s eyes, another kiss begins, much more comfortable and now an answer to a question they’ve both been dying to know for a very long time.

and there’s probably some more drama but that’s as far as i got. thank u happy doafp week

#doafp #diary of a future president #doafp week #doafp week 2022 #cartero #tennis boyfriends #bobby cañero reed #liam carter #doafp hc’s

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thelargefrye · 3 years

Text

YEARNING FOR YOU. kang yeosang (18+)

── summary. you’re just within reach and yet every time he tries to get to you, you vanish right before his eyes... again and again and again.

── roles. mage!yeosang + mage!f!reader (ft. poly!mage!ateez & other idols)

── genre. smut + one-shot + mages + magic shop + supernatural + mythology + historical to modern day + romance + eventual poly relationship + angst + drama + reincarnation (most of these are for the overall story not necessarily this one-shot)

── word count. 3.3k

── warnings. nightmares + language + sub!yeosang & dom!reader + kissing + little hair pulling + one moment of spanking + anal fingering + handjob + degrading + amazon position + y/n is mentioned to have tattoos

── developer’s note. happy birthday @atiny-piratequeen !! this is just a small something that i’m working on that’s inspired by against the tide !! i figured that since i probably might not get the whole story done by your birthday bc i’ve already been working on it for two weeks and i’m only still doing world and backstory building rip then i would just share a small piece that included yeosang. i’m still working on characters and personalities so anything you read here is subject to change by the time i get the first official chapter out.

when the door to the shop chimed, yeosang didn’t bother looking up from his book he was reading. he knew that usually customers – humans at least – would just look around before leaving or come up to mindlessly flirt with him. it was the same thing every time the bell dinged.

he could hear the customer’s shoes, heels to be exact, softly thudding across the old wooden floors as they strolled around the small shop. his hearing could pick up where exactly in the shop they were, so when they finally started nearing the back to where he and register were, he assumed this customer just wanted to flirt with him like always.

“um, excuse me,” yeosang’s head shot up immediately at the sound of the familiar voice. you stood in front of him also with a look of shock from how quickly yeosang moved and his eyes flickered down to the canvas in your arms.

“o-oh, um, hi. how can i... how can i help you,” yeosang says as he tries his best to relax, but honestly he doesn’t think he can, not when you’re here in front of him and talking to him.

you smile softly at him before handing over the canvas you had in your hands, “this is the painting hongjoong asked me to paint. he told me i could find him and the rest of you here. is he, um, is he here by any chance?”

“huh? oh, yeah is he, let me go get him!” yeosang had never moved so fast before as he practically jumped off his stool and ran to the back to get the group’s leader and tell him you’re here.

“y/n’s here!” yeosang says probably a bit too loudly and maybe just a little too excitedly but he hasn’t seen you in centuries. he has a right to be happy to see his missing lover.

hongjoong isn’t by himself in the back, all the others are basically here too, except for jongho and san who had gone out to get information on how to help you remember your first life.

“she is? why?” mingi asks, a look of shock drawn on his face knowing you’re here just in the other room.

“she brought the painting hongjoong asked her to paint,” yeosang says and hongjoong is quick to go to the front and yeosang picks up on how hongjoong greets you with a cheery tone.

at first yeosang thinks about staying in the back and letting you and hongjoong talk for a moment, but his need to see you again overcomes that he heads back to the front of the shop. he hears the others coming up behind him as he does and he figures the others couldn’t wait either.

a wave of memories washes over him as he sees you and hongjoong interacting so closely. all the times he would see you and hongjoong interacting on the utopia, all the lingering stares and touches you thought no one else saw, but in reality everyone saw.

he misses you. they all miss you.

“wow, y/n, this is beautiful,” hongjoong can’t take his eyes off the painting you gave him and you have a proud look on your face as your eyes flicker between the male and the painting before you slowly look up and over at where him and the others are.

“oh, i didn’t know you all worked here as well!” you say and greeted them all with a smile.

“i actually own this shop,” hongjoong says and you turn to look at him in shock. “my grandmother ran this shop before passing it down to me before she retired.” yeosang couldn’t help but slightly snicker at how hongjoong called hyuna a grandmother.

“really? that’s so cool! i had actually never been in this shop before until today,” you offhandedly as you glance around the shop some more. “oh!” you say catching the six males off guard as they watched you dig through your bag before pulling out eight envelopes. “siyeon is throwing a party and wants me to invite you all!” you say handing each other an invitation before giving jongho and san’s to wooyoung. “i hope you all can make it!”

“of course! we’ll do our best to be there,” hongjoong says, but yeosang knows that all eight of them are definitely going especially since you’re going to be there. “also, thank you again for the painting, it really is beautiful.”

“oh, of course! i’m glad you like it, i always enjoy painting sea related stuff, so this was a blast to paint,” you explain with a small laugh. “well, i should be going! i promised siyeon i would help her with party decisions, so... i’ll see you all around,” you say bidding the males goodbye before turning on your heels and leaving the shop.

yeah, yeosang and the other are gonna have to work fast.

𐂴𐂴𐂴

sometimes when yeosang misses you, he’ll find himself remembering the time when you all were together on the utopia. he’ll remember how you use to help him in the kitchen, acting as both a hand and taste-tester to him.

all the heated gazes the two of you shared being the reason for his flushed face that he would blame on the heat in the kitchen when the others would question him. although he was sure the others didn’t believe because his magic dealt with fire, so some kitchen heat was nothing for him.

but no matter what the same thought still comes to him. he just misses you. he thinks that over and over again until he falls asleep and you appear in his dreams.

it’s silly he knows it, mainly using his magic in order to ensure that you appear to him. he has sweet dreams when you are with him and others all enjoying your time together; however, the moment he remembers that none of it is real and that you are living a completely different life without remembering them, without remembering him. it all turns into a nightmare.

and its always the same. the same day he and the others are forced to remember and sometimes relive again and again for centuries.

“yeosang, wake up!”

his eyes snap open and he feels hot, his bangs matted to his forehead with sweat and his eyes are immediately trying to get used to the darkness of his bedroom.

that voice... he thinks as he brings his hands up to cover his face. huh? was he crying?

“yeosang,” he hears it again and sounds so close to him. right next to him and he feels like he’s still dreaming. but he turns his head and his brown orbs meet your own worried eyes as you sit next to him in his bed.

“y/n...?” he reaches out to touch your cheek, his hands caressing your face and he gasps when he realizes you’re real and next to him.

“why are you crying, love?” you ask him watching as he sits up. you reach over to brush his tears away before he suddenly takes you in his arms. “did you have a bad dream, yeo?”

yeosang doesn’t trust his words so he just nods his head as he nuzzles his head into your neck. “it’s okay,” you say softly, rubbing his back in comfort, “i’m here and nothings going to happen while i’m here. i promise.”

yeosang has heard you say those words before and it only makes him cry harder. you said that to him the first time you woke him up from a nightmare. you would always take him into your arms and hold him and wipe away his tears and tell him it’s okay and it’s all in the past.

when yeosang does finally calm down, tears no longer running down his face, he slowly pulls away from you to lay back down. you lay down right next to him, pulling the blanket up to your chins as you brush hair away from his face.

“i love you,” he says as he feels himself slowly falling back to sleep. you smile sadly at him, a hand still running through his hair as his eyes finally close.

𐂴𐂴𐂴

seonghwa was jealous, yeosang was 100% sure of that. the ice mage’s glare could probably set someone ablaze if he had fire magic instead. and honestly, yeosang doesn’t blame his boyfriend for being jealous because he was as well.

“and who the hell is that?” wooyoung was the one who spoke up, shocked like seonghwa and himself at the sight of you talking to this unknown male.

well, unknown to them at least. you seemed to be pretty close to the male, too close if yeosang or any of the others could say anything.

“do you think they’re...” mingi didn’t want to say it out loud, probably knowing how much chaos he would cause among them if he did.

yeosang wanted to be upset. upset at you for potentially going and falling in love with someone that isn’t them, but he couldn’t. he couldn’t be upset at you because this you, the one standing not too far from him and his seven lovers, this you isn’t the same you he met all those centuries ago.

you don’t remember the love you shared and it broke yeosang’s heart.

his eyes flickered over to seonghwa noticing the furrow in his eyebrows before he looks over to hongjoong who is just staring at you with sadness. then his eyes go back to you and this male who are sitting closely next to each other. the guy looks at you with such a softness that it reminds the fire mage of how seonghwa looks at all of them, with love.

the male plays with the ends of your hair, running it over your face in a teasing manner that makes you laugh and yeosang would be lying if he said your laugh didn’t make his heart flutter.

yeosang misses you.

𐂴𐂴𐂴

yeosang can’t help but sigh as soon as his body hit his bedsheets. he felt clean and relaxed after a long day of working in the shop below them and dealing with both humans and supernatural creatures alike.

while he was staring up at the ceiling, he closed his eyes and started to doze off. he’s not sure for how long his eyes were closed, but he only opens them when he feels his bed dip.

looking over he was greeted by the sight of you in little to no clothing and a warm smile on your face.

“y/n, what are you doing?” yeosang was more than surprised to see you in his room. he was quick to sit up with a shocked expression as he moved so he was sitting right across from you.

“what do you mean, yeo? i’m visiting you of course!” you say cheerfully.

yeosang looked over you and he noticed the familiar tattoos that decorated your right arm. “you’re not real, are you?” he asked as he bowed his head so you couldn’t see his face.

one of your fingers reached under to tilt his chin up and you looked at him with a gaze, “i’m as real as you want me to be,” you say with a smile as you leaned over and kissed him.

yeosang immediately allowed you to take the lead. your lips guiding his as you ran a hand threw his hair and gently tugged on it causing yeosang to moan into your mouth as your tongue explored his mouth and while also teasingly play with his own wet muscle.

yeosang was melting into the kiss, his hands coming up to your waist to pull you closer to him with your chest flushed tightly against his. when you pulled away from the kiss, yeosang tried to follow after your lips making you let out a small laugh at how cute he was acting.

yeosang only looked at you with slightly dazed eyes, still not fully believing you are here in front of him which allowed you to push at his shoulders, making him fall on his back and into the softness of the bed.

“y/n... please,” he whines as you hover over him slightly, both your hands caging his head to the bed as you look down at him.

“what yeo? what do you want me to do?” you ask with a teasing smile, god, he hasn’t seen this smile in centuries.

“p-please, please fuck me,” he chokes out and your smile turns into a grin as you trail your finger down the center of his body before it stops at the towel he still had wrapped around his waist.

“want me to take it off?” he nods without hesitation, “words.”

“yes!” and the towel was unwrapped from his hips and now he was completely bare to you. his cock was only semi-hard when you removed the towel and yeosang watched as your fingers ghosted over the tip, just barely grazing it. “please touch me, don’t tease me,” he begs and you hum before wrapping your hand around his cock and slowly began stroking it until it was fully hard and an angry red, his pre-cum only just slowly starting to appear at his tip.

he let out a string of whines and curses as you began moving your hand suddenly at a fast pace without warning. yeosang’s back arched off the bed, but your free hand came down to hold him still to the bed before you suddenly stop stroking him.

yeosang watches you as you move in between his legs before grabbing the underside of his thighs, giving them a good squeeze before hoisting them up to his chest. when you let go of his legs, yeosang immediately went to hold them in place as his face was flushed a bright red.

you cooed at him as you leaned over his bent body and kissed him before pulling away to look at his ass that was now on full display for you. his hole tight and pink as you played with it, wiggling just the tip of your index into him before pulling out.

“you’re so tight yeo, does none our boys fuck you open enough?” yeosang moaned at the degrading tone you had laced in your voice. “that’s okay though,” you begin adding a firm smack to both his asscheeks, “i can just fuck you open myself.”

yeosang wanted to come with there and then at your words, but he only settled for letting out a few moans instead. he knew the minute he came then it would all be over. he watched you quickly stand up and go over to his bedside table and dug through the draw before pulling out a bottle of lube.

yeosang watched as you squeezed the clear liquid substance into your palm before he felt you apply it to his hole. he moaned at the cold feeling it gave him as you rubbed it around his puckered hole before applying more to your fingers. fuck, he couldn’t hold his excitement as he felt your index probe at him before slowly slipping inside him.

“f-fuck– oh god, please!” he moaned out, throwing his head back as you eased him open. your movements were slow, almost too slow as if you were messing with him and he looked over to meet your eyes.

when you finally entered a second finger he felt his eye roll back as you started to pick up the pace a bit in your thrusting. yeosang let out a broken fuck as you slowly started hitting his prostate before grabbing his dick with your free hand and stroked him in time to your fingers thrusting in and out of him.

“does that feel good?” you ask and yeosang can only nod as his head fell back onto the bed. you frown at his nonverbal response and quickly stop both your hands making his whine as you remove your finger from him. “i asked a question yeosang, so answer it,” your voice sent a chill down his back as if it was seonghwa speaking to him.

“it does, it feels good,” he says, face burning red, “b-but...”

“but what? what do you want?”

“please, let m-me... let me be inside you,” he says and you coo once more at him before you lean over him once more. your nose brushing his from how close you are.

“do you deserve to be inside me? you may have a nice dick, but do you think you can use it to pleasure me?” you ask, raising an eyebrow and yeosang felt his dick twitch from between the two of you at you questioning tone.

“p-please, y/n, please u-use me to pleasure you,” he says out of breath and you let out a small laugh as you sat up and slowly grind down on his dick. the fabric of your underwear slightly damp from your growing wetness and causes yeosang to moan at knowing how close he was actual to you.

“do the others know how much of slut you are?” you ask with a small laugh, “i’m sure they know how much you like to be used. hm, don’t they?”

“t-they do,” yeosang stutters out as he watches you move off of him to take your underwear off and he feels a chill run down his spine as you hover back on top of him to take his dick in your hand a position it at your entrance.

“is this what you want?”

“y-yes!” you smile as you sink down on his length with a moan. yeosang lets his mouth drop open as you start to bounce on his length, the sound of your skin meeting his joining the sound of his and your moans.

“f-fuck, yeosang!” you moan as yeosang takes you all in. his eyes fall on your chest which was still covered and he lets his legs go for a moment in order to unclasp your bra. you take your bra off and throw to the side now allowing yeosang the ability to see you completely bare now.

god, how he missed this sight and he was glad you were using his legs as support for yourself because this allowed him to roam his hands over your body.

getting lost in his pleasure he accidentally thrusted up making you glare at him before stopping, “toys don’t move, so still or i won’t let you cum,” you say and yeosang nods letting out a quiet y-yes before you continued between bouncing and moving your hips in figure-eights.

yeosang felt himself grow closer to his orgasm and you clenching around him doing nothing but bringing him closer. “i-i’m c-close! please y-y/n! let me–

he own choked moan cut him off as he felt you clench around him as you came with a loud moan and a whimper of his name. you coming was enough to finally send yeosang over the edge as he took in the sight of you climaxing, knowing you used him to reach your own pleasure.

it took you a moment before you slid off of him and next to him. you were quick to get him to put his legs down which felt a little sore from the position he held for so long.

while he caught his breath he felt you reach over and press different kisses all over his face making him smile. you pressed a final kiss to his lips before cleaning him up and helping him under the covers.

“i love you, y/n, please don’t disappear,” he says as you hold him close to you under the covers of his bed. you remained silent, only slowly running a hand through his hair and lulling him to sleep.

eventually, yeosang closed his eyes welcoming sleep as he fell asleep in your arms.

when he woke up the next morning he was greeted by an empty bed and yeosang can’t tell if what he experienced last night with you was even real or just a dream. with a sigh, he gets up and starts to get dressed before heading out of his room and to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for himself and the others.

“i love you, too.”

#8makes1teamnet #kdiarynet #poly ateez x reader #ateez x reader #ateez smut #ateez imagines #ateez blurbs #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #poly ateez #ateez yeosang x reader #yeosang smut #kys.#dream films.

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

Note

Omg thank you so much for your posts about rinharu!! :"")) I was one of those people who were like "why are rinharu fighting again?? Did kyoani purposely seperate them /again/ just for the sake of drama ?? (And so that they have more oppurtunities to showcase other ships??)" I was really irked at first cuz i thought the first part of TFS is finally going to be a movie about rinharu being a powercouple, but! After reading your posts i realised that haru never really moved on from rin leaving, even in S3 the reason why hiyori's words affected him was because he thought he caused rin to leave (and by extension ikuya, but lbr haru wasn't as frustrated with ikuya nearly as much as he was with rin right) so i'm just here to say.. thank you so much for opening my eyes!!! Now i'm really looking forward to the second part!!

Awww no problem <3 tbh I've always said that free is one of those that has so many nuances left bts that it's sometimes confusing for those who aren't as invested I think. Like there's so many important things that are left out and are in additional materials, that some has no idea what's going on at times. Like back in the days when some interpreted s2 in the opposite way bc of that one thing. My point is that not everyone is even watches stuff like recaps for example (where there are in fact new easter eggs and so many important things like Rin's dad death aftermath etc), and even less read novels and checked side stories and dramas.

For example, in books this Haru's issue about him thinking he's cursed and hurts everyone with his swimming is a huge thing, when Asahi "lost his ability to swim" after seeing Haru's free. But in SD it wasn't adressed at all tbh.

And what Haru feels for Rin is such tornado of emotions, that surprised even me with all the descriptions, bc like it's real bad. Like that part I posted from the chapter when Rin leaves is at least understandable, since he leaves. But the way he reacts to him in general even when he just appears in his sight is always described as if someone tortures him for real lol. And he's always like "pls someone save me, I don't know how to deal with this, bc I've never felt such emotions before".

So basically, like yeah, he's as it is has this thing, when he thinks of himself as some bad omen, so he's very sensitive about it, but since everything Rin-related feels x100000000 for him, its just... well, it hurt for a very long time and sadly was just overlooked by a certain someone, so here we are.

I think we all at first believed that bc Rin's so shocked and in disbelief that Haru could even think that it was his fault in some way:

that maybe they talked about it bts or smth like after the relay. But it seems like Rin either forgot or most likely I think he maybe thought that Haru understood without words? I'm just real sad still that Haru didn't get to hear this speech:

I mean, they made it look by the end of s1 that it was about relay, which partially yeah, but for Rin it was really about Haru. You see what he said.. he said that that 1x02 race with Haru alone.. what made him want to swim again. This whole speech was not only about the fact that Haru wasn't at fault that he quit swimming in the first place, but about the fact that Haru is his lucky charm, that makes everything better. AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO HEAR THAT. So like for Haru it's to this day like "after I messed him up, Rin was saved with the power of friendship and a relay". But he was saved by Haru really. Bc according to s3 info, it was basically just about Haru being on the relay team. I don't try to demean their friendships or anything, but its just what it is.

And as I've said before in one post it's just fascinating that to this day Rin for example thinks that s1 shananigans were just about him and just his problem:

Haru thought it was about them and their problem:

So like my point here is I also up to the end of s2 thought that maybe Rei or Rin told that to him, bc we seemed to move on to another problems, until in Kizuna we were shown that he still dreams about that scene of Rin leaving. s3 Hiyori just exposed the wound really.

But also once again see what he said there, it's not just about that one time he keeps reliving, aka his first come back, its really just about each time Rin was leaving. Like the very first one already was bad, the second was the worst, bc he thought he hurt him and thought that bc of him he quit swimming, others are just painful bc by then it was already another kind of feeling. I mean, I do think that this first Rin's return to Australia thing needs to be cleared up since it's obviously still haunting him. But again it's just part of this. Haru after the Australian trip and "I've always admired you" and "without you I have nothing to aim for" and after TYM goodbye when Rin told him that he doesn't need a surprise party and that just swimming with Haru before leaving is the greastest surprise for him, he knows already about the way Rin feels about swimming with him... I think the reason why everyone is freaking out here is that bc the way it's executed it's just really about him constantly missing him and "why am I always have to longingly watch you leave, while you seem fine." If he was in a free race, but wasn't on a relay team, he'd get the same reaction. Its just all seasons combined that brought us here. We already in 3x01 without Hiyori knew that he wasn't handling Rin being far away again good. So tbh it's logical even without any explanation really. I mean, Rin does indeed leave and come back as he pleases and does what he wants without holding back or sometimes thinking about consequences. There's no lie here.

It's like since the beginning for Rin it was like "I found the gorgeous guy I adore and I want to swim with, I'll transfer schools just to nag him into swimming with me, it's not like he's gonna care if I leave after that." (he literally in the book didn't think it was a big deal)

For Haru it was like "I lived just fine, but this guy stormed into my life, made me want things I didn't think I'd ever want, got me addicted to him and then dropped me like a hot potato".

Rin's just very passionate about life and things he wants, like Haru for example, but he's really also very unobservant and very clueless at times.

But like just bc he doesn't know about Haru's existential crisis and all the pain he's truly in when he's leaving, doesn't change the fact that he at times didn't even treat him as a simple friend (because they can't be just friends I KNOW), but still things like "you could've called" "well sorry, I guess I'm just not good at it" are probably hurtful, considering the fact that you are good at it with everyone else tho, Rin sweetie. Like thanks for avoiding us the most and holding back and visiting us the last each time, we feel real special. Haru is like the opposite, he doesn't call anyone for example, but he can call Rin in the middle of the night if needed, he always does for Rin smth that's completely out of his comfort zone.

It's like some say "Rin didn't know he wanted him to call" or "he didn't know Haru felt guilty". He did know he wanted him to call and he didn't know Haru felt guilty and stopped swimming competitively when he stopped swimming, but then Rei told him and Natsuya in 3x03 reminded him about this too. Its just the fact that he doesn't want to add 1+1 and thinks "well, there's no way I can affect Haru like that right?", "he can't be that upset about Rin Matsuoka, right?". While facts are he IS literally the only one who affects Haru in such huge way. It's like everyone else can just pass him by and it's nothing, but he walks by and it's a whole "asdfghgfdsa why my body is on fire, its just Rin who's just standing there".

And I'm also buffled by this thing that some people really say stuff like "where did this come from, they were perfectly fine" etc, as if they ever had normal "friendship" relationship. I'm like when did they ever behave themselves okay? In 3x03 Rin is dying to call Haru, but can't do it, while he's constantly texting everyone including Nagisa. First thing he says in the airport when he comes back is "I'm home, Haru" to air, but then goes to hang out with Makoto and Sousuke, desperately looking for an excuse to see the one whom he from the beginning, as it was shown wanted to see the most, but in his opinion can’t without a reason. It's only when Makoto tells him that Haru was upset about Albert he quickly rans off out of there bc "hooray, I have an excuse to see my bae”. Like we know from the airport scene that he wanted to see Haru the most. If they're so as people say were doing great, than how do you exlain all of their s2 and s3 behavior for real? It's like as if in TYM Haru didn't lose his shit from some gossip about persimmons. I mean, they never settled anything really. And Haru is constantly scared of Rin leaving again since forever.

So it's complicated, but yes, we're super excited for p2, bc asdfghjhgfds.

#answered #anonymous #rinharu #harurin #free! the final stroke #free!#rin matsuoka #nanase haruka

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hstyleshoney · 3 years

Note

hey! could u maybe write something where h notices Y/N is distant after he comes back from tour? like she doesn’t feel stable in the relationship anymore bc he’s always away or something like that but he doesn’t want to break up. lmao this is weirdly specific but I really hope u get over your writers block <3

This has been in my drafts for a couple months now. Finally had time to finish it. Sorry it took so long. Hope you like It! <3

WC: 5.3K // angst, fluff

April.

Harry is tired.

He’s only been back in London for two days but he is completely drained. Mentally and physically. All he wants to do is snuggle down on the sofa with his girl and relax. He wants to hold her as close to him as humanly possible; feel her warmth and her smooth skin against his. He wants to spend all night just giggling away at nothing in particular with her because they’re both just so happy to be around one another again and whisper sweet nothings to her all night to let her know how much he missed her and loves her.

He has 21 days home before the next part of his tour kicks off - in Australia. He wants to make the most out of their time together before he has to leave again.

But something is wrong.

She is distant. She’s not letting him hold her, she hardly smiles when she sees him and she’s being off. It’s weird. Harry doesn’t like it.

He noticed it the second he arrived at her flat Monday night. She didn’t come running when he walked through the door. She didn’t talk non-stop for hours like she usually did when they had spent an excessive amount of time apart. She didn’t dig through his suitcase to get a look at all his latest purchases of clothes just because she loved fashion and got excited about all the designer items he owned. It was odd.

They didn’t even have sex.

Harry told himself it was probably just because it was late when he arrived and she was probably just tired. She’d be fine in the morning.

But she is still being as off with him as she was on Monday night, despite the fact that he has been back home in London for a couple days now. Harry doesn’t know what to do. Usually being back home with her brings him comfort and lets him relax after weeks on the road. Now it only has the opposite effect. It’s disheartening. He doesn’t understand it.

On Friday night they go out for dinner with a couple of friends of his. Harry hopes it will lift her spirits but she stays quiet for most of the evening. She is gloomy, not her usual self, and the twinkle in her eyes is missing. It’s awkward and when James shoots him a questioning look from across the table Harry knows that everyone has noticed that something is wrong.

Harry feels sick.

He is worried. Stressed. Anxious. Maybe even a tiny bit angry.

And he is afraid to ask her about it because he has a bad feeling about the whole thing. His gut is telling him that her lack of affection is because of him. He knows he has to ask her about it, but he is holding off for as long as he possibly can. Because asking her about why she is being distant makes it real and he is not ready for her to confirm his suspicions. He is still holding onto the small hope that her mood is because of something that happened at work or with her friends.

But she usually tells him everything and now she hasn’t said anything.

So the only explanation Harry can think of is that he is the reason for her low mood.

And he is not ready to hear it.

He knows her though. He knows she hates upsetting or disappointing others and will avoid it at all costs, even if it means neglecting her own thoughts and feelings until she’s too overwhelmed by it all. She has the kindest heart he has ever met; she is perhaps too kind for her own good.

Which is why he knows he has to ask her and get her to open up about whatever is going on in her head. For her sake but also for his own.

The car ride back to his house after their dinner is, unsurprisingly, quiet and somewhat tense. Harry wants to ask her right there and then why she is being so off, but he also knows he won’t be able to focus on the road if he does. He can hardly focus enough as it is. So he stays quiet and glances over at her whenever he gets the chance, and his heart sinks from how sad she looks.

She doesn’t look at him once though and only rests her head against the window as she watches the other cars around them, picking at the skin around her nails; a sign Harry has learned means that she is either stressed or upset... or both.

Once they make it to his house reality kind of hits him like a ton of bricks and he is one hundred percent sure her mood is because of him now and he is anxious to find out the reason why that is and fearful of where the conversation might lead. What if he loses her? He is not sure his heart can take it.

But she lets him put a hand on her back as they walk into the house and it’s nice to have her close again, she smells so good, and he has to stop himself from falling into her. He wants to wrap his arms around her and never let go.

“I’m gonna go get ready for bed,” she tells him quietly when they get inside, avoiding eye contact, and swiftly disappears up the stairs before he gets the chance to ask her about anything. Harry almost calls her name to stop her but decides to give her a couple of minutes before he approaches her about the elephant in the room.

Also, he needs some time to get his own head together and prepare for whatever might be thrown his way. As scared as he might be there is also a frustration building up inside him from her shutting him out. He had been gone for almost three months and they hadn’t been able to see each other as much as they would’ve liked to. He had been looking forward to just coming home to her and getting a couple of weeks with her before continuing his tour.

There is a lump in his throat as he makes his way up the stairs. His palms are sweaty. His head is spinning. And he realises, for the first time in his life, that he is absolutely terrified about the possibility of losing someone. Her. He has been in love before. He has gone through break-ups. But none of them have made him feel like this. It’s like someone is suffocating him.

And the break-up hasn’t even happened yet. He doesn’t even know if it will happen. He just knows that the girl who has his whole heart in his hands is being distant and won’t talk to him after weeks apart. It’s not a good sign.

She is still in the bathroom when he comes upstairs. The door is open and he takes a few seconds to just watch her, leaning against the doorframe with a fond look on his face. He can’t take his eyes off her. Her hair is pushed back by her pink fuzzy headband and her face is free from all the makeup she had previously worn. She is beautiful, he thinks and closes his eyes for a second to savor the small moment.

It’s just so familiar. He has seen her get ready for bed a hundred times before and he never gets tired of it. It’s the simplest thing but it makes him feel home.

She feels like home.

And then she spots him by the door and a small squeal escapes her lips which brings him back. “Bloody hell Harry” she breathes out and puts a hand over her chest. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he replies and shoots her a weak smile.

“I’m almost done, just give me a couple minutes and then the bathroom is all yours” she says and picks up one of her many skin care products to continue her routine. She speaks fast and avoids his gaze. Harry clears his throat awkwardly.

“Actually,” he starts. “I was wondering if we could talk?”

She freezes for a brief moment and Harry almost feels bad. Silence falls over them again and it’s all the confirmation he needs to know that whatever is going on has something to do with him. Harry is almost certain she’s going to tell him she’s too tired to talk or come up with another excuse, but eventually she nods.

“Yes,” she murmurs. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” he nods as well and tries to give her another small smile to ease the tension between them but it’s useless. The knot in his stomach weighs him down too much. “I’ll let you finish and you can just come find me, yeah?”

Harry waits for her in the bedroom. He sits down on the bed before standing up almost just as fast. Then he sits back down again. His throat feels dry and his heart is beating so hard inside his chest it feels like it might burst. He’s trying to come up with what to say to her but as soon as she walks in his mind goes completely blank. He wants to believe that he is wrong, that it’s just a big misunderstanding, but her sad eyes make it hard.

She looks so soft and small as she takes a seat next to him and Harry has to fight the urge to just pull her into his arms. It’s strange and he doesn’t understand why she is being so distant. Everything was fine between them before he left for his tour and as far as he knows nothing happened while he was away.

“Have I done something wrong?” he begins.

She sighs and looks down at her hands, still doing her best to avoid eye contact.

“I’m sorry H,” she says and her voice cracks a little at the end. Harry feels sick again. “I know I've been acting weird. Distant. I’m sorry.”

“Will you please look at me?” he begs because he can’t stand her shutting him out like she is. It’s never happened before. So when she looks up at him with tears in her eyes both relief and pangs of agony washes over him. It kills him; fills him with worry. Harry doesn’t know how he is going to get through this. This wasn’t how he had planned his return home. Far from. “What’s going on?”

“I love you,” she tells him and swallows thickly.

Harry nods and tries to stop his head from spinning so much.

“And I love you.”

“I... I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

There it is. He knew it was coming but hearing the words come out of her mouth is a punch to the face. He doesn’t know how to respond to it. Silence falls between them just as heavy raindrops start to fall against the windowsill outside.

“Okay,” is all he can say.

“I just - I hate missing my best friend every single day.” A tear rolls down her cheek and she’s quick to wipe it away, taking a shaky breath. “I feel very alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Harry says and reaches out to take her soft hands into his, holding them tight. She gives him a sad smile and laces her fingers with his. He never wants to let go.

“I know,” she replies softly. “But it feels like I am. I come home to an empty flat, have dinner on my own and watch some stupid reality show to kill time. I can’t even call you whenever I want to because you’re on stage or busy with something else. I feel like I’m just constantly waiting for you. It feels impossible for us to build a life together.”

Harry wants to tell her it’ll change. That it’ll get better. That he’ll be better. But it’s a promise he can’t make because he’s leaving again, soon. He still has shows to do in Australia, North- and South America. He still has a tour to do - and hopefully more tours in the future as well.

And he loves his job. It’s his dream. He is so grateful for everything he gets to do.

But he has never hated his job as much as he does in that moment right there, and he hates himself for that too.

“I’m here now,” he says weakly and tightens his fingers around hers.

“Yeah, I know,” she croaks and when she cups his cheek in the hand he’s not holding Harry can’t stop himself from leaning into her touch. “But you’re leaving again, what happens then? We’ve been in the same time zone and country now for three months and barely had the chance to talk - what happens when you’re on the other side of the world?”

“I’ll make time for you. I promise,” Harry tells her and blinks away his own tears that are threatening to fall.

“But you won’t be here,” she replies sadly and pulls away from him. Harry feels cold as soon as her hands leave his. He wants to scream but there is no air in his lungs. He’s losing her and he doesn't know what to do or say to stop it. He’s helpless.

And when a strangled sob escapes her he thinks his heart might shatter into a million pieces. It’s the worst sound he has ever heard and it kills him knowing it’s because of him. “I hate this,” she cries. “I’m so sorry Harry. I’m being so fucking selfish.”

“Stop,” he huffs and angles his body so he can move himself closer to her. Desperate to fix whatever is happening between them before it’s too late.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffles and bows her head, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t want to make you feel bad because I know how much you love what you do and I would never ask you to stop. I love watching you on stage, it’s my favorite thing in the world... but I just- I just don’t know if I’m happy like this. I don’t like the person I become when you’re away.”

“What can I do?” Harry begs even though he knows there’s not a lot he can do right now. “I’m not losing you.” He takes her hands into his again, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I love you.”

“I love you too Harry, so much.” Her voice trembles as she speaks and Harry feels his whole stomach drop as the next few words fall from her lips. He’s sure he is going to pass out. “Sometimes love isn’t enough though, is it?”

“What are you saying?” he whispers as he tightens his hold on her hands. She looks up at him, her glossy eyes meeting his green ones, and Harry can no longer hold back his own tears.

“I don’t know yet,” she admits, her voice low and thick. Harry tries to think of something to say that will change her mind but his head is swirling with a million different things all at once. He can’t think straight. He only knows he refuses to lose her. He won’t lose her. So he tells her that again.

“I’m not losing you.”

That night they fall asleep on different sides of the bed with their backs facing each other and Harry might just break.

May 19th.

Harry Styles ❤️ 11:34 AM We just landed in Australia. I wish you were here. I love you. xxx

May 31st.

Harry Styles ❤️ 5:47 PM Last show is done. I’ll be home on Tuesday. Let’s talk then. xxx

June.

She is tired.

The last three weeks have been brutal. Or, actually, the whole month has been brutal. Ever since she told Harry about her insecurities regarding their relationship she felt like her whole life had just fallen apart. She couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Nothing.

She went to work and when the day was over she went straight home and watched every episode she could find of ‘The Great British Bake Off’ to numb her mind. Her co-workers express their worry when they see her come to work with the same outfit for the fourth day in a row, greasy hair and big dark circles under her eyes. They tell her to take a few days off.

But she doesn’t.

Because she needs work as a distraction. She can’t just sit at home and think about everything that happened between her and Harry before he left for Australia. The morning after their talk they hardly said a word to each other and she could see that he was hurt. It killed her knowing it was because of her.

It was just that the European tour had been harder on her than she ever could've imagined. Other than the London shows she had only been able to go to the one in Manchester and the one in Paris, but that was it. She couldn’t get more time off to go see him and whenever she finished work at the end of a long day and had time to call him he was already on stage or about to be.

They hardly spoke and it made her sad. The reality of how different their lives were slapped her hard in the face that first leg of his tour. So hard she couldn’t bring herself to be happy when he came back home to London, because she knew he was leaving again.

She figured that maybe she just needed some time to get used to having him around again and that things would go back to how they usually were after a day or so. They didn’t. Instead all she could think about was the fact that he was leaving again and how every hour that passed was an hour of their time together that was gone.

She had been stupid to think he wouldn’t notice.

When he asked her to talk she knew that she would no longer be able to keep things to herself. It all just came crashing down.

She hasn’t seen Harry in almost a month now and her whole body is aching for his touch again. At the same time, she knows she has no one but herself to blame for her heartache.

She loves him. She loves him so fucking much.

She just doesn’t know if she can handle the distance. She doesn’t know if she can handle only speaking to him through text messages because of the time difference and/or because their schedules don't add up. She doesn’t know if she can handle all the rumors circulating on social media whenever he has been seen with someone she doesn’t recognize. She’s become jealous and she doesn’t like it.

But she loves him.

She knows in her heart that he is The one.

And maybe that’s why she is so fucking terrified of him leaving, because what if he never comes back to her?

She’s not sure she’s going to be able to handle it.

So when she told him she wasn’t sure if she could be with him anymore she did it so she could leave first, but then he looked at her like she had just crushed his entire soul. After spending every night for the last couple weeks replaying the moment over and over again in her head she realises she won’t ever be able to leave him. She doesn’t want to.

And now he is coming back again, after spending two weeks back home in Holmes Chapel with his family to clear his head and two weeks down under in Australia doing what he loves most, and she is still terrified. Because he might show up and tell her he’s had enough of her games and leave with her heart.

She takes that Tuesday off from work and cleans her entire flat, anxiously waiting for Harry to show up. He texted her earlier to let her know he would arrive in London by noon and would be coming over, to which she only replied an ‘okay’ because she was overthinking and didn’t know what else to say.

They never officially said the words “we are over” so she has no idea if they were still together or broken up, and she didn’t want to say something that could be misinterpreted in any way.

Then she gets another text from him asking her if she could come over to him instead because he is too jet lagged and wants to just go home and have a shower. And she convinces herself it’s only an excuse from him. An excuse to get her to come over and get all her stuff she has left laying around his house the last year, so he can remove any traces of her ever being in his life.

She still tells him she’ll be there in an hour.

That hour ends up being one of the worst hours of her life. She’s an anxious mess as she tries to get ready and ends up spilling her coffee all over her shirt and the freshly mopped floor. Her favorite cup with a small dachshund painted on it, the one Harry got her after their first date when she told she was obsessed with dachshunds, falls to the floor and breaks in half. She has a mini breakdown over it all.

She’s also about two seconds away from running over an old lady by the crossroads leading up to Harry’s house.

Then when she arrives at Harry’s house she has forgotten the code to get through his gate. She has another breakdown thinking he has changed it because he doesn’t want her to know what it is anymore.

Turns out she only missed a number.

Before she knows she is knocking on his door and just stands there waiting for him to come let her in. Normally she wouldn’t knock and just waltz right in but it didn’t feel right this time. She isn’t sure if she is even allowed to anymore.

So she waits.

When Harry finally opens the door and she is face to face with him again she feels like she might actually collapse. He looks tired, eyes puffy and cheeks rosy, but he still smiles when he sees her. And even though he has his grey hoodie up she can still see the little hair clip on top of his head that’s holding back his damp curls from falling in his face.

“Hi,” she breathes out and clasps her hands together in front of her because she doesn’t know what else to do. Her heart is beating painfully hard inside her chest.

“Hi,” Harry says and takes a step forward as if he is about to pull her into a hug, but he stops himself and takes a step back again. They stand in silence for what feels like an eternity, just taking each other in, before Harry clears his throat and opens the door a little wider for her. “Come in.”

As she passes him she catches a whiff of his perfume and it’s so familiar and calming that she forgets for a moment that they’ve been in a downward spiral for the last month.

But she is quickly reminded of the situation when Harry awkwardly leads her to the lounge and they sit down on opposite ends of the sofa. Her fingers tremble a little as she pushes a couple strands of hair behind her ear. The room is quiet and cold. The whole house smells like detergent and soap, it always did when he hadn’t been home for a while, and she hates it.

“So, um, how was Australia?” she asks, keeping her eyes on the bright colorful painting that hangs on the wall above Harry’s head and avoiding his green ones that are staring her down. She’s positive he can hear how fast her heart is beating.

“It was alright,” Harry answers and tilts his head forward a little, brows drawn together, as he tries to get her to focus on him rather than the painting behind him.

“Good,” she mumbles and takes a shaky breath, still avoiding his eyes. Harry sighs deeply and she shifts uncomfortably in her seat. This isn’t like them. Far from. She wants to crawl into his arms; wants to feel the comfort and safety he always brings her when he holds her. Her whole body is screaming for his touch again, but her head stops her - what if he didn’t want to hold her anymore?

“We can’t go on like this,” he tells her then and her blood instantly runs cold.

This is it.

Harry is going to tell her he can’t be with her anymore and it’s her own fault. She pushed him away.

“Okay,” she whispers. Tears are already welling up in her eyes and she is quick to blink them away before they fall. But her vision is still blurry. Her throat feels tight and dry. The room is closing on her and she has to wipe her clammy hands on her pants to make sure she’s still in her own body. A huge part of her wants to run, although she is not too sure her legs will carry her. This is what she gets for pushing him away though she supposes.

“I need to know if you’re leaving or not.”

She snaps her head in his direction as soon as the words come out of his mouth.

“What?”

She’s not sure she’s heard him right.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Harry continues and a small curl falls out of his little hair clip as he shakes his head. “I need answers from you. These past few weeks - I can’t... I need to know where we stand. I need to know if I’ve lost you.”

She blinks.

“Harry, I-“ She can't find her words. She had been so sure that he was going to tell her he was leaving her, that he was tired of her selfishness and wanted nothing more to do with her. Now her whole body is frozen as her mind tries to catch up with what Harry just told her. He looks worn out, sad, and she feels so incredibly stupid. Guilty. This mess is all her fault. “No.”

Harry inhales sharply through his nose and gives her a short nod.

“Alright.” His lips are pressed together, jaw tense, as he averts his gaze to something other than her face, refusing to look at her any longer.

“No Harry, I mean, you haven’t,” she is quick to say when she realises he had misunderstood her words. Her head is spinning. There is so much she needs to say but she doesn’t even know where to start. “You haven’t lost me. I didn’t think- I thought you were leaving me.”

“What?”

And just like that it’s all just too much. The last couple weeks washes over her as soon Harry looks at her again and she notices how glossy his eyes are. She’s overwhelmed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry H,” she cries and hides her face in her hands, finally letting her tears spill over and run hot down her cheeks. “I’ve been so fucking stupid.”

She lets a sob rip from her throat and buries her face deeper into her hands, wishing she could just disappear. Guilt is eating away at her conscience knowing that Harry had walked around thinking she was leaving him while having to go out on stage and put on a good show for thousands of fans. She should’ve talked to him before he left. She should’ve replied to his texts. She feels like the worst fucking person in the entire world.

“Heey, noo, don’t cry.” Harry moves over to crouch down in front of her. His touch burns through the thick denim of her jeans when he puts his arms down on either side of her on the sofa, his thumbs rubbing small circles on her thighs. “Talk to me, Love.”

“I’m so stupid,” she repeats.

“You’re not,” Harry says softly and gently pushes some of her hair away from her face, tapping her fingers lightly to get her to get her to remove her hands from her face and look at him again. When she peeks at him through her fingers she’s met by his small dimple. He takes the opportunity to carefully pry her hands away completely and holds them in his own. “There we go,” he murmurs. “S’just me. You can talk to me.”

“I’m scared,” she admits and runs her fingers over his rings. Harry frowns but doesn’t say anything, just lets her take her time to gather her scattered mind. It’s hard though when he is finally so close again and all she can think about is how good he smells and how familiar and soothing it is to have his hand in hers again. “I don’t know - I guess I just worry that you’ll get tired of me or feel like I’m just holding you back or that you’ll meet someone much more exciting than me while you’re away. I’m terrified that you’re going to wake up one day and realise I’m just some loser who lives a boring life that you actually have no interest of being a part of... And I don’t think my heart could take it.” Her voice cracks with the last part.

Harry holds her hand a little tighter in his.

“I don’t think my heart could take it either,” he tells her.

And even though he is right in front of her, holding her hands in his, she can’t stop the feeling of hopelessness coming over her again. She doesn’t want to lose him. Refuses to be the one who leaves.

But he is going away again soon and she doesn’t know what she is supposed to do when he does. The issues of her feeling alone and insecure are still going to be there, and what happens then? Is she going to put them both through another tortures couple weeks again, where neither of them know where they stand? She can’t do that to him.

“Do you think we can make it work?” she asks him and presses her lips together to stop herself from letting another sob escape her.

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully and swallows hard. “But isn’t that part of it? Not knowing. Life is far too short to worry about what might happen in the future. There is alway going to be some bad and some good. The only thing I know for certain right here, right now, is that I love you and that I want to be with you. I don’t want anyone else.”

“Neither do I.”

Harry smiles.

“Okay then,” he says softly and moves himself a little closer to her. “Maybe we can just leave it like that then? And we’ll just figure it out as we go.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.”

There's a moment of silence and she wants to stay in that moment forever. Just the two of them. It’s all she wants. Always. To just be with him.

And when Harry stands up and simultaneously pulls her with him she falls into his arms. His body is so warm against hers and as he grabs her chin and tilts her head back so he can press his soft lips to hers she knows that things will work out between them.

She loves him too much to not at least fight for it.

It will by no means be easy and she knows that when he leaves again in a couple weeks that he is going to take a piece of her heart with him.

But she also knows that she has a piece of his heart with her at all times, and that knowledge fills the small void inside her chest for many years to come.

Let me know what you think! <3

#Harry Styles fanfiction #Harry Styles fanfic #Harry Styles oneshot #Harry Styles angst #Harry Styles fluff #requested

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