#this might be considered emotional terrorism in some cases honestly

[sing-you-fools]

I don't want to run either a roleplay blog or a gimmick blog. But if I did, I would run a The Bentley blog that was both, and all I'd do is wander this hellsite dropping the most painfully appropriate Queen songs on poor unsuspecting tumblrinas. I would be good at this.

#good omens #the bentley #queen #queen band #this might be considered emotional terrorism in some cases honestly #like sorry about your breakup anyway here's it's a hard life #sing-you-fools

[yujo-nishimura]

The Escape - Part 26

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25

After he ended this speech and the crew members were determined to not only escape Baroque works, but also fight them in case they would try to pursue you all again, Buggy stepped towards you, asking you to come to his cabin. You hoped he couldn't see from your face what you had been thinking the whole time. 

The tension between you and Buggy was almost unbearable as he sat on his chair and you just stood with your back against his door. The sense of disconnection between the two of you lingered, and it seemed that every attempt to mend the relationship and create a healthier dynamic only served to reinforce its toxicity and strangeness. Each time you strove to bridge the gap and find common ground, one or both of you succumbed to the overwhelming power of emotions. "How is your hand?" the captain asks, his voice pulling you back to the present moment. You shift your gaze towards your hand, which is still wrapped in bandages, a reminder of the injury you had inflicted on yourself amidst all the chaos. “It is fine. I have forgotten that I actually had an injury.” You answer honestly. He seems to be satisfied with this and nods. 

“Thank you for coming out and rescuing me.”

“I could say the same, Captain.” “May I ask now, why are the marines and Baroque works after you? I know we had this conversation before and you are somehow hesitant.. but I feel if I have a crew member on board where I am not the only one who considered her valuable I might have the right to know why others think the same,..”

"I believe the reasons why the Marines and an assassination syndicate find me intriguing might be quite different from what you perceive as valuable," you say, a playful tone lacing your words. Sensing an opportunity to lighten the mood, you decide to employ a flirtatious joke, taking a slow and deliberate step closer to the captain.

Buggy's eyes widen, caught off guard by your sudden approach. He quickly rises to his feet, his expression shifting from surprise to seriousness.

“Y/n. Please, just try to be honest here with me. Is this something you can share or shall I never ask again and just accept that I have a potential danger on board…?” 

You sit down on his bed, the comfortable pillow and sheets push back against you, you crave for a comfortable sleeping place like this since your hammock is not the best place to get rest in. 

“Sit down again and I will tell you.”, you breathe out heavily, looking into his deep green eyes, you want to feel these eyes on your forever and you want him to trust you and know more about you than anyone else. You feel ready to let him into your life. More than ever before. Buggy listens, sitting down, his face full of anticipation. 

“When I was still in Windmill village and Luffy was still small and innocent, I was 5 years older than him and already in trouble with the world government and the marines.” 

Buggy just looks at you, he does not interrupt you now, giving you the time to share your story. 

“In fact I was the leader of a rebellious army, nothing serious, just the things you do as a teenager when you are charismatic enough to gather some people around you and if you feel like you want to make a change.” 

You cannot endure his gaze any longer and you rest your eyes on your own bandaged hand for a while. 

“We were unhappy with the tax collector in Windmill village. I had started a peaceful protest and a campaign against him, although he was sent directly by the world government we thought he was taxing us too much, he came too frequently and the people who had less always had to pay more. It was just a way of terrorizing the oppressed and poor…” 

You sigh again, it seemed like this had happened a long long time ago somewhere else, not in the world you lived in now. 

“One of my fellow revolutionary members took the whole thing too seriously. I think he also wanted to impress me. His own family was especially affected by this, he was one of the poorest kids in the village and his frustration eventually turned into rage. One day he decided to kill the tax collector in our name and as I tried to stop him, I realized that his anger was beyond my control.” 

You gaze at Buggy once more, your eyes filled with sincerity and earnestness.

"He waited for the collector at his house and killed him brutally with a knife. We later discovered that he was not only dispatched by the World Government, but he was also a high-ranking Marine general. Once I learned of this, the World Government began to pursue me as well, as I was the leader of the entire movement," you recount, your voice carrying the weight of the injustice that befell you.

Buggy, with his head slightly tilted, has been attentively listening to your narrative. Now he quickly interrupts you: "But was there no trial? Did they not realize that you were not responsible for these actions?"

You let out a slow, weary sigh. "No," you respond, your voice tinged with sadness. "This individual left a note in his house, claiming that I had inspired him to commit this heinous act. They couldn't find him. Some speculate that he fled on a ship the same day, while others believe he took his own life. Regardless, it does not matter to the World Government who will be punished. They simply require someone to blame, someone to execute."

The absence of a fair trial, the absence of an opportunity to prove your innocence, highlights the unforgiving nature of the World Government's pursuit. You and Buggy both understand the unyielding determination of those in power to find a scapegoat and impose their brand of justice.

Buggy gets up from his chair now, walking towards you and sitting down next to you on the bed. You can feel the warmth of his body, being so close to you you start to feel dizzy again. 

“This is why I decided to become a pirate. If I am an outlaw and wanted anyway, then…” 

Your voice breaks because Buggy has put his hand on your knees, a very innocent gesture. He did not want to interrupt you, but he also wanted to show his support. 

Curiosity fills his eyes as he gently asks, "But if you're wanted, why have I never come across your wanted poster?"

You take a moment to steady yourself, feeling the closeness between you making it difficult to find the right words. With Buggy being so near, you muster the courage to respond, "Different name, different hairstyle." It's a brief explanation, but in this intimate space, it is enough to convey the lengths you've gone to conceal your true identity.

#one piece #buggytheclown #buggy the clown x reader #one piece buggy #buggy x reader #buggy x you #long fanfic #long reads #nanowrimo 2023

[spencers-renaissance]

Shovel Talk

Summary: Hotch and Emily find out about Derek's relationship with Spencer and decide it's time for a chat.

Tags: fluff, humour, est. rel., protective!derek, emily, and hotch, relationship reveal, mentions of past hurt spencer

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 1.5k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

Inspired by this post by @penemily that I couldn't stop thinking about. Honestly I love this fic so much lol.

Derek isn’t quite sure how he’s found himself in a vacant office after hours, crowded into an office chair with broken wheels as the two most intimidating FBI agents he knows stand over him.

“Either of you want to tell me what the hell’s going on?” Derek asks, bewildered by how quickly his evening had changed. One minute he’s sneaking looks at Spencer over his computer screen, and the next he’s hauled off to a private room like some sort of hostage.

He’s not scared, but he’s definitely a little pissed off. It’s nearing 10pm and all he wants to do is go home with Spencer, curl up on the sofa and eat take-out in front of the TV as they celebrate closing a case in their own way. He used to celebrate by going out for a drink, falling into bed with a stranger if the opportunity arose, but a quiet evening on the sofa with his boy in his arms is surprisingly satisfying these days.

Hotch raises an eyebrow. “We know,” he says simply, something fierce behind his words.

Derek’s heart skips a beat. It’s not hard to figure out what it is he’s talking about. He and Spencer had started dating a couple of months ago but had decided to keep it under wraps for now; something so young and beautiful was too precious to expose to all the inevitable eventual complications just yet. They’re so ridiculously smitten, though, that he’s not exactly surprised two profilers paying close attention had figured it out.

Ignoring the quietly humming nerves starting up in his stomach, he mirrors Hotch’s raised eyebrow, trying not to look as affected as he feels. “So… what? You wait for Spencer to go to the bathroom to lure me to an empty office to beat me up?”

“Maybe,” Emily replies, voice dry.

Behind the nerves and the posturing, Derek can’t feel a small twinge of hurt. “Look, guys, we expected it to be a bit of a shock, but we thought you’d at least be happy for us—”

“It’s not a shock,” Hotch interrupts.

“What?”

“It’s not a shock,” Emily repeats. “Everyone saw this coming a mile off. We’re not surprised.”

Now, he’s even more lost. “Look, can you guys just sit down? You towering over me is creeping me out, man.”

“Good,” Hotch says easily.

Irritation takes over, and he stands up. “You know what, if you’re gonna be funny about it, I don’t actually have to be here.”

Before he can actually make to leave, though, Hotch is shoving him back down into the chair, old metal and plastic creaking under the force of his caught-off-guard body hitting it again. “Stay.”

“What is going on?” Derek explodes. Maybe under different circumstances he’d be able to profile the situation but as it stands, he’s stressed and confused, desperate only to be allowed to leave this dark, cramped room and take Spencer back to his place. It almost surprises him that all he craves in such a weird and unfamiliar situation is cuddles and a nature documentary, but he’s been with Spencer long enough for it to be approaching normal. The younger man’s probably back at his desk by now, wondering where he is, and Derek would hate for him to be worried. He just wants to go home.

“Derek, we are happy for you and Spencer,” Emily finally explains. “But we couldn’t in good conscience let this go on without having a… chat.” Her face twists into the faux charming expression he’s watched her use to disarm unsubs countless times. It stings a little that she’s using it on him.

He splutters a little as a realisation dawns on him, equal parts bemused and offended. “This is… this is a shovel talk!”

“Yes,” Hotch says with a straight face, his expression tight and intimidating as he tilts his head to the side slightly, clearly entirely unaffected by Derek’s emotions. “This is a shovel talk.”

Derek feels himself relax, tension easing slightly. “Guys, I appreciate the sentiment, but Spencer’s my boyfriend; nobody wants to protect him more than I do. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m pretty sure we could give you a run for your money,” Emily says, her expression quickly transforming into something far more dangerous and challenging than only moments previously. “Spencer has something every single member of this team would die to protect. And if you get in our way, then we’re going to have a problem.”

“Emily, what, we’re friends.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, shrugging easily, “and I love you. But Spencer is my little brother, and I would do anything to stop him from getting hurt. As long as you don’t interfere with my primary mission, we’ll be fine.”

Hotch speaks before Derek can get a word in. “Derek, I knew Spencer long before you did. I remember the first time Gideon brought him to one of our lunches, and I saw something in him that made my heart ache. It didn’t take me long to realise that what I saw were the scars left by incredible deep-seated pain. Spencer has been through hell and back throughout his life, and he’s been hurt repeatedly by people who were supposed to protect him, including Gideon. I would do anything to prevent him from getting hurt by someone like that again, you hear me? Anything.”

As confusing as this all is, Derek can’t help but feel touched by Hotch’s earnest, emotional speech. Most of his nightmares these days revolve around Spencer getting hurt, and it’s kind of reassuring to know that he has so many people in the world who will stop at nothing to prevent those horrible dreams from spiralling into reality.

He can’t help but smile a little. “I’m glad he has you two,” Derek says honestly, looking between them, “but I can assure you that if I ever hurt Spencer for some unfathomable reason, your services wouldn’t be needed. I would hate myself enough for all three of us.” Even just considering the hypothetical possibility of hurting Spencer makes his stomach turn: it’s enough for him to know that he wouldn’t need Hotch and Emily to hold him accountable to that, his own self-loathing would be punishment enough.

It seems to appease Hotch and Emily, who Derek realises look sort of like intimidating twin mafia bosses standing over him like this, and they finally step back a little, posture relaxing.

“Well, what are you waiting for then?” Emily says, smiling for real this time. “Get your boy and get home. It’s getting late, you know.”

He rolls his eyes at her as he makes his way to the door.

“Oh, and Derek,” Hotch says, laying a hand on his shoulder, turning him before he can leave, a genuine smile on his face too, “I am actually happy for you and Spencer.”

Derek grins at that. He really is a lucky, lucky man. “Thanks, Hotch.”

“What was that about?” Spencer asks, his features twisting in curiosity as Derek makes his way across the bullpen to his boyfriend, Hotch and Emily emerging from the same room moments later.

Derek doesn’t answer properly, laughing instead. “You got some good friends, you know that?”

Spencer nods, still looking a little confused, but clearly deciding to let it go as he slings his messenger bag across his body, standing up from his desk. Derek slings an arm around Spencer’s shoulders, leading him towards the exit as his insides twist at the adorable blush that colours Spencer’s cheeks so prettily.

“Derek,” he hisses, “shouldn’t we be leaving separately?”

“I think it’s a little late for that,” he chuckles, looking over his shoulder. Spencer does the same, blushing even fiercer as he spots Hotch and Emily leaning against the railing, overlooking the bullpen with all-knowing looks on their faces.

“Oh my god,” Spencer mumbles, clearly embarrassed, but Derek just laughs again as they leave the bullpen and approach the elevators.

“Come on, pretty boy,” he sighs happily, sliding the arm around his shoulders to rest at his waist, fingertips pressing into the small frame of the boy he’s already falling in love with. “Let’s get you home. That penguin documentary awaits.”

“You’re gonna watch Emperors and Kings with me?” Spencer’s happy exclamation and the delighted expression on his face only warms his heart further, and in that moment he decides that he wants a happy Spencer and another nature documentary within his reach for the rest of his life.

Surprisingly, it’s not as terrifying a thought as it might once have been.

(If Derek thinks the shovel talk from Hotch and Emily is bad, though, it’s nothing compared to the one he gets from Penelope. By the end of the next day, he’s somehow reduced to tears that are both happy and the product of extreme terror, on the receiving end of a ‘baby girl’ ban for keeping it from her for so long. In the end, he decides that it’s probably an alright price to pay for everything beautiful that his life has blossomed into over the last few months.)

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @jellejareau @reidology @i-like-buttons @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @queerminalminds (taglist form)

#cm #criminal minds #my writing #cm fic #cm fanfiction #criminal minds fic #spencer reid #criminal minds fanfiction #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #penelope garcia #moreid #moreid fic #moreid fanfiction #derek morgan x spencer reid #spencer reid x derek morgan #derek morgan/spencer reid #spencer reid/derek morgan

[cafecourage]

VIO CONTENT PEKASE PLEASE DKJNEOIAJEPLENSENEIWN OIYUEB NWPL EHAHAHAHhSNJKNKNKSLMFDLKSFNKLNFEOIFNEOWIFNEWOFNEWOFIWEMV

Thy....... ok here you didn't give me an AU so I just f***ed around and found out.

Vio headcanons (for all Au’s and general)

General HC:

- Vio crochets. People can fight me on this!!! He crochets and knits. He does it to calm his thoughts, just to slowly zone out. Catch him plotting his own story in his brain while doing so.

- Speaking of stories, this man is probably an Author. He most likely had written a fluffed-up version of their adventure. There wasn’t really a point of him doing so but it did get all of his feelings out on paper.

- Out of all the colors I feel like he would get the most night terrors. It will lead to him having bad insomnia.

General Love HC:

- Indifference. That’s the base emotion he is feeling towards a Reader that ended up traveling with the chain. He does like you! Don’t get that wrong. It’s just the situation calls for his attention to be on the goal. The other colors are better at social interactions then him.

- Reader in a normal traveling with the chain au, would be from a more modern timeline. Not fully but like one of that mixed technology and Medieval fantasy-based era.

- It honestly was weird that you just hang out with Four with him in control. You seem like you just gain energy from just talking or interacting with the others and Vio isn’t…really… that social.

- It was a slow bonding experience. It started as you sitting nearby when he was reading or working on a project. Nether talking nor really minding the other's company.

Isekai HC:

- This man is super anxious around you. The sobs when you were also convinced, he killed green, along with your cries from his betrayal still ring in his ears even now. He hates knowing that you might not trust him anymore because of that. The other Colors think he is just overthinking it because you did welcome him back with open arms after.

- Vio is kind of just dancing around you when they finally realize you’re the voice and presence that they felt during their adventures. While the other colors jumped on to the opportunity to get to know you better. He just… can’t?

- You’re his and the other’s anchor. They consider you their (ex. Imaginary) friend. The one person that was always by their side. Cheering them through the toughest of times, and Vio feels like you would leave them if he even tries to get close.

- He really, truly wants to standby you. He wants to not feel guilty enjoying your hugs. He just… wants you to be happy.

Divide and conquer. That’s normally how Four dealt with supply runs. Four was accompanied by you today. Which meant the others were in town. So, Four decided to let the colors stretch their legs. It was nice for each of them to actually speak to you one on one. However, they had limited time and still needed to get the items before sundown.

With five people it should go a lot quicker than normal. So, with the promise of being able to hang out after. Each Color and you went their separate ways. Vio was almost done with his list of items. The last thing he needed was some more personal items.

“Sneak attack!!” A warmth from behind engulfs the purple hero. Picking him up briefly to give a small squeeze. You were smiling brightly down at Vio. “Hi again.”

It was a miracle that his brain didn’t just short circuit just looking up at them. “I- Hello??” One of the many things you’ve said on their journey came out as, Vio was scrambling for a sense of, for the lack of better words, ground to root himself to. “Why are you here?”

“Is it against the law to hug someone I am closed to?”

“No, but…” he didn’t understand why you wanted to shower him, in affection and love. But how can he ask you that? You’re always giving Four hugs and small platonic kisses. He didn’t want you to stop. He and his brothers loved and craved that warmth you brought with your presence.

Vio didn’t know if he was deserving of it. The others were, that’s for sure. Despite how rough blue is, how bossy Green could be or how much Red cried in their adventure. You always had the patience of a saint. It was him that tested that and found how far that patience went. “Viiiioooooo, earth to my favorite grape color hero!” He was finally put back down on his feet. “Are you ok?”

“Define ok.” He was quick to answer, after finally getting some semblance of his ability to think back. He took his chance to back away from your presence.

That wasn’t the right thing to say apparently as your face slowly twisted to a pout. “Are you mad at me?”

“Mad… at you?” He repeated to confirm he heard you correctly. You gave a small nod now doubting your assumption. “Why?”

Your shrug didn’t give him much of an answer. “Well, it just seems when Four is influenced by you he is more distant.” You paused trying to figure out what to say next. Vio on the other hand was mortified that you were able to read his body language so well. Actually, he should have expected it. That’s how you knew that the colors exist in the first place. “If I did anything-“

“No, it’s not you!” It was him. It was all him. Vio knows logically being still hung up about the past was ridiculous. Emotions are annoying. He isn’t built to deal with them. “I just thought.” There was no nice way to explain this to you though. “You were still mad at me.”

“Oh.” Well, this got awkward really fast. Vio kept up his indifferent front hoping that his cheeks weren’t still as red as his brother’s tunic. “But I like you a lot!” You took his hands suddenly. “Don’t get me wrong I was mad. But I know you’re a good person Vio! I like you; I like your brothers and I like Four!”

Ah. There he goes.

- The first of the Colors to realized he loved you in this AU. Which just makes everything even worse for him. Since he knows the other colors feel the same but are in denial because of your connection with Four.

- He could help the others…..Nah…. Vio wants to watch them suffer.

Cafe HC:

- Coffee? If he feels like death. Yes. Tea mostly though. He tends to get the blunt of the headaches. Tea also helps with his ability to sleep.

- He is the type of customer that comes in and stays for hours. In his case just writing and/or reading. You’ve only ever spoken to him a few times before. Mostly to get his order and asking about his day. Small talk!

- Slowly you learn more about him. You learn that he has brothers. Is an author, (you’ve bought his book and teased him about having it signed now.) Had traveled around the world a few times before.

- You’ve met some of his siblings before. They actually come as often as he does. Striking up more of a conversation than him. Sometimes even getting him to talk to you more…

It’s has occurred to you how much time has passed since you last saw a Vio. It was a long time. A few months honestly. It kind of hurt that he and his brothers just up and left without giving you a fair warning but, it’s their personal business and not yours. Yet…

You thought you five were close.

It’s fine. Maybe Link was around! They were his siblings and you could just go to the forge and ask. Though you weren’t too close to Link so maybe it would be a bit awkward to ask him about his brothers.

They are probably fine.

There is no need to worry, they are all seasons’ adventurers!

It seems like this day was just going to be a slow one. Where you couldn’t get your mind off of your friends. It was almost closing time so another day without any word from your favorite color-coded brothers.

You decided to clean the shelves early tonight. Leaving some smaller bits for the Minish that may or may not be inside your small cafe. Lifting the chairs onto the tables to clean the floor. Making sure they get every nook and cranny. To make your life easier the next morning.

As you picked up the finally empty tray off of the counter you were heading into the back. Until the door to your small shop swung open and a group of similar-looking Adventurers comes stumbling in. “(Y/n)!”

“Vio?” You turned around quickly, only to see him helping to keep one of his brothers up. They looked like they ran through ten monster camps just to get to your sleepy little shop. You felt dread came in full force as the empty tray slips from your grasp. You bolt to his side ordering the others to get in the store. “You lot are staying over here.” You didn’t ask it was a demand. No room for argument. “There are potions in the back. You can use what you need.”

“Thank you, Ms.” a larger man with a scar across his eye went in the direction you pointed.

You gather the knocked-out brother to help Vio. “Thank you.” He said sheepishly.

“It’s no problem,” You smiled back at him. “Let’s make sure your brothers are safe. I was about to get dinner ready. How does something hearty sound?”

“That sounds lovely thank you.”

- You might have not known Vio and his brother for long but they really do consider your small little cafe as a safe space. A little heaven that they don’t need to be a Hero.

- Now when he stops by on this adventure you tend to give him packs of supplies and a bunch of treats for the road.

- You also started writing him letters and care packages when you can. Now that you know that he is traveling around. Though you don’t know how the mailman knows where he is… that’s… not something your gonna question really.

#🐠 anon #linked universe #linkeduniverse #linked universe x reader #London Fog Tea #Mocha Latte #Ye Sheng Tea

[bondsmagii]

omg you read we need to talk about kevin? what did you think? i went through a whole range of emotions, most of them bitter & negative, bc i saw too much of my mum & brother in eva & kevin, something i’m still working through. i started off hating eva bc i projected my resentment towards my mum onto her, but i found myself sympathising with her a bit more towards the end. it’s helped me sympathise a bit with my mum too. this book has probably had the most lasting effect on me than any other!

man, I love that book. I first read it years ago and liked it then, but I recently reread it and I loved it even more. it's such a brilliant book -- profoundly uncomfortable and incredibly bleak, but I think it asks so many important questions that, face it, most people are too scared to even acknowledge. it simultaneously asks the huge taboo of a question -- what if you regret having your child? what if a child is just born bad? -- and also combines it with that other big question: why do kids shoot up their schools? the nature vs nurture debate has been absolutely raging for years regarding children who commit violence at school; as someone with an academic interest in this particular crime, it's one I've banged my head up against multiple times. people seem to always be firmly in one camp: the parents are to blame, or the kid is just evil. nobody seems to consider the interaction between these two things, and how it's always ultimately a choice.

the book is a pretty intense read for me, as I'm sure you can relate. the difference is that while you can see your mother and brother in Eva and Kevin, I actually see myself and my mother in Eva and Kevin. I was an unwanted and a resented child. my parents did not want to have me. I was what my parents referred to as "a surprise", said in the same tone as you would describe a sudden house fire as a surprise, or bad news at work as a surprise. the major difference between my parents and Eva and Franklin was that they had me very young (they would have been 19 and barely 20 when they found out, and 20 and barely 21 when I was born) and this most certainly added to the resentment. my father was always away for work, often getting to go to some pretty interesting destinations; my mother wanted to be the kind of woman who wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, but she hated it. like Eva and Kevin, my mother and I were very, very alike in personality and what we did and did not want out of life, and we were engaged in some level of warfare for my entire childhood. while I wasn't quite on the level of Kevin in terms of blinding my siblings and whatnot, I was quite the terror as a child. by the time I reached my teenage years I was uncontrollable and my parents had given up trying. I could not be punished. I did not care. any punishment they did hand out, I was maliciously compliant to the point of infuriation. I'm sure my parents could argue that I was born evil, and indeed that's what they told the extended family. I admit I was not an easy child. however -- I was a child.

I did not ask to be born, and when my parents made the choice to have me and then resent my existence, that was on them. a child knows. a child can tell when he's not wanted, when he's an inconvenience. I knew it very well, from an early age. my parents' resentment of me resulted in them abusing me right up until I left home. I was like an unwanted pet, except they couldn't dump me off at a shelter. no, they never laid a finger on me physically, so they can claim they didn't abuse me -- but emotionally and psychologically they were abusive, and especially in my teenage years, they neglected me severely. (think along the lines of being left at home alone for extended periods with no food, no money, and no way to get supplies as we lived in rural Ireland and the closest supermarket was 30 minutes away. this was not something they did out of malice, but rather something they did because they did not consider me at all. they forgot my existence, most of the time, or they deemed me so inconsequential that making provisions for me was a task that could be forever put off.) understandably this made me hate them in return, and I took great pleasure in being a little shit. it was all I had. nature vs nurture, which is it? my parents weren't exactly nurturing, and they taught me very bad behaviour -- but at the same time from the moment I was born I had my mother's personality, predisposing me to being a little shit. even now, grown up and after many years of working on myself, I still find myself fighting the urge to be as cruel and as judgemental as she could be; likewise I see those positive qualities she had, that she could have shown more of if she had put the work in like I had. we went from being furious carbon copies of one another to an example of the best and the worst case scenario.

basically what it comes down to is choice. Kevin and I had a similar situation going on, but Kevin chose to try and find what he was looking for in mass murder, and I chose to try and find it by getting out of my house and never returning. I mentioned earlier that I have an academic interest in the kind of crime that Kevin committed; since the age of 17 I have been researching these things, and now have expertise in several specific incidents. I bring this up to illustrate that this crime was on my radar when I was around Kevin's age, when I was suffering from the same problems as he was. thousands of kids find themselves in this position, yet so relatively few commit the act. why? it's choice. nature, nurture -- it doesn't matter. there comes a point where you have to make the choice, and honestly? it's chaos theory, baby.

as well as researching this kind of thing I'm also an amateur meteorologist. I love weather. I love trying to work out what makes it tick. and weather is a good example of what I'm trying to say here. weather cannot be predicted. we can get decent ideas, but at the same time we never really know for sure and also weather acts differently every time. there are too many variables. it's the entirety of the earth's atmosphere we're talking about here. identical weather conditions can arise time and time again, and each time the weather is different. a sunny afternoon one day is a washout the next. this is because -- and I broadly sum it up here -- there are so many tiny variables that we cannot possibly predict how they will change the weather. and I mean it's tiny variables. I'm sure you've heard of the butterfly effect -- this comes from the idea that a butterfly somewhere on the coast of Africa can flap its wings, and this tiny reverberation can spread through the atmosphere, creating a bigger and bigger ripple, until a hurricane smashes into the Gulf of Mexico. tiny atmospheric changes all interacting in ways we cannot imagine. this is why some kids shoot up schools. it's easy to look at psychology broadly, but no two people are ever the same. siblings growing up in the exact same house are not the same. identical twins, genetically identical to their very DNA, are not the same. tiny, tiny events, microdoses of chemicals in the brain, exposures -- they all change us in subtle ways. two people -- Kevin and I -- can grow up with almost identical familial issues and outlooks, but Kevin shoots up his school and I study my ass off and get myself to university to escape my parents. why? I don't know. I don't know what tiny little things might influence me one way and another kid in the other. personality, brain chemistry, waking up that morning and having enough or not -- I don't know. it's chaos theory. the variables are too small to say. nature vs nurture are only two variables out of millions. it's an oversimplification.

so to go back to the book -- who do I blame? neither of them. it was a perfect storm. we could say Eva didn't help, but I know of plenty of kids with decent parents who still committed such a crime. we could say that Kevin was just born bad, but there are plenty of people with his resentful outlook on life who don't commit mass murder, or any harm against anyone whatsoever. it's like how every tornado comes from a supercell, but not every supercell will spawn a tornado -- that final genesis point is unknown to us. we just can't predict it. there are no easy answers. there is no simple formula. we just don't know, and that's what makes Kevin's story -- and its real-life counterparts -- so terrifying.

#sorry for going off but this combines two (2) of my Major Academic Niches so you got the full 1hr lecture with slideshow i'm afraid #anon #asks

[bluelandmugwinner]

books  A book that is close to my heart..

undoubtedly ‘the fault in our stars’ it is one of the first books that I’ve bought and read and it is a special book for me because that’s when i fell in love with words, simple yet extraordinary. There are other books of course that will always hold a special place in my heart, but i cannot honestly treat all of them same. ‘the fault in our stars was the first book that came into my mind that when i heard this question, maybe because consciously or unconsciously this book might’ve had a impact on me, maybe this book is the reason why i developed the habit to reading in the first place. 

A book I finished in one sitting..

Oh this is easy, the book I’ve finished in one sitting is ‘aristotle and dante discovering the secrets of universe’. One of the amazing reads, mainly because i love how the author expressed complex and tiring vulnerabilities of characters in such a real and gentle way and how the story progresses on, with characters coming in terms with their exploring sexuality and how hard it was for them considering how the story is set in spanish cultural background, it was truly a great read for me. In a way it might also  have helped me come in terms with how i percieve the world and myself as an individual living in it.

Favourite book of 2020..

‘the secret history’, for real, this book was just so freaking well written, the plot, the characters, the backdrop, the climax, it is just to very unexpected and very dark academic, to exactly express the book in a gen z way. what i loved most about the book, is the students thirst for knowledge and a teacher who is so very simple and yet very enigmatic with full of curious mysteries and what extent they are willing to go to to learn and explore their subject, which is drum rolls, greek philosophy, i mean i  don’t really blame them, tatally understandable. ‘beauty is terror’.

A book that got me through something...

I mean most of the books that I’ve read has helped me in some way or another, if I were to point at one particular book that got me, is, ‘maybe you should talk to someone’, yeah the book is as amazing as its tittle. here, in this book the writer, who is a doctor and therapist herself writes down some on the real stories of her patients, interesting and impactful cases she’s encountered while being confidential as well, she also writes about what she is going through not just in her professional career but her personal life as well, this book is incredibly well written and how dealing with loss or pain or a tragedy really depends on individual and their experience, the book overall, provides some great insights about mental health as a whole. That you are not alone, if you are going through something. Its a must read for anyone.

My favourite thriller...

‘the silent patient’, this is a psychological thriller. the plot sounds simple, a women killing her husband and she is admitted to a psych ward, and a psychologist develops interests in her professionally while also fighting shit in his own personal life. As the story slowly uncovers unexpected twists and turns, you can never guess the ending, quite a fascinating read.

My favourite memoir..

My all time favourite memoir forever is ‘when breath becomes air’ without a doubt. WHAT A BOOK. it made me feel emotions that I had no idea could feel so intensely. For those who don’t know or never heard about this one. pls google it, i can never, for the life of me, properly articulate how deep, meaningful, surreally written this book is. I want to read it again and again until I know the words by heart, but I can never quite fight the dread of knowing the ending and still manage to do it. Such a beautiful piece of work.

#books #review #blog #reading #hobby #best books #book review #john green #paul kalanithi #silent patient #lori gottlieb

[80sanime]

Top 10 Favorite Manga

I was bored today so decided to make a list of my top ten favorite manga, with little comments describing what’s great about them:

Apocalypse Zero by Takayuki Yamaguchi If you were scared off by the OVA… well, you might still hate the manga since it’s even more crazy and explicit. But the anime failed to capture most of what makes the manga so unforgettable, be it the deliberately over-the-top tone; charmingly grotesque characters; bizarre eroticism; or the stunning artwork. Plus Kakugo is the perfect man?!

Devilman by Go Nagai This has finally reached the mainstream so I don’t have to describe how influential it was/is. I consider it Nagai’s most put-together work, and where his art looked the best; rough but expressive and with lots of character (for that reason I recommend reading the original edition if you can, not the later ones with the stylistically jarring additions). Although to be honest, my true trashy Nagai pleasure is Cinderella Knight…

The Holy Terrors by Hagio Moto I’m not a huge Hagio Moto fan. I recognize her greatness, but most of her original work doesn’t really speak to me. Her adaption of Jean Cocteau’s novel, though, is some of the most magnificent comic work I’ve ever seen. Their unique styles meld to create something not quite Moto and not quite Cocteau... a dreamlike union.

Maison Ikkoku by Rumiko Takahashi This was a tough pick, since I like individual elements of other Takahashi works more (particularly Mermaid Saga and her short stories), but Maison Ikkoku is the one I find the most compulsively rereadable. It’s still so relatable, while also being such a charming snapshot of what everyday life was like in Japan during the 80s. The characters have foibles but aren’t stereotypes, not even Godai’s wacky neighbors (well, except for Yotsuya), and even the romance subverts her infamous will-they-or-won’t-they waffling by delivering a poignant payoff by the end.

Me-teru no Kimochi by Hiroya Oku I feel like I shouldn’t love this manga half as much as I do. Oku is a creator I have a lot of issues with normally. No matter how intriguing the initial setup, all of his long-term series tend to fall apart at the seams... but this three-volume manga manages to come together in a genuinely amusing and touching way. The last few pages make me emotional every time I read them.

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind by Hayao Miyazaki This seems like a cliche choice but, despite how popular Ghibli is in the West now, I feel like a lot of people are still sleeping on this manga. Since it isn’t primarily aimed at children, unlike his films, Miyazaki is able to add a lot more darkness and moral complexity to this apocalyptic war story; I was impressed when, by the end, even his saintly heroine was forced to get her hands dirty. The style is unique (inspired more by European comics than Japanese manga), the world building is fascinating and the entire cast has so much more depth (esp my girl Kushana). The last two volumes are absolutely staggering.

Ogre Slayer by Kei Kusunoki When Viz released the first two volumes of this manga when I was a kid, it was a shock to my system. Kusunoki lavishes as much detail on the terrifying ogres as she does her attractive main character, the nameless boy on a fruitless quest to become human by hunting his own kind. The juxtaposition of cathartically gruesome violence with the emotional, largely female-coded trauma the ogres represent is captivating. So although the series starts to lose steam toward the middle of its run, I still love it for the strength of its early installments.

Rose of Versailles by Riyoko Ikeda I feel guilty whenever I admit this, but most of the time I prefer the anime adaptions of shoujo manga (Fruits Basket, Kare Kano, Ouran Host Club, Please Save My Earth… this is even the case for one of Ikeda’s later works, Onii-sama e). But the Rose of Versailles anime doesn’t come close to matching the detail and grandeur of its source material imo. If you’ve only seen the series, please please make sure to read the manga as well, esp if you love Andre as much as I do… Dezaki did him (and by extension his romance with Oscar) dirty!

Twin Knights by Osamu Tezuka I wasn’t that enamored of Princess Knight, but this sequel captured my attention in a big way. It’s so imaginative and fun, has great supporting characters and features some of Tezuka’s most beautiful Disney-inspired panels. It also manages to avoid most of the dated gender essentialist stuff that made me roll my eyes so hard in the original, despite them both being from the 50s.

Violinist of Hameln by Michiaki Watanabe Where do I even start with this one? It’s honestly a mess, but the best kind of mess. A fantasy adventure about a hero that fights monsters with the magical music he plays on his jumbo-sized violin, the ping-ponging between cheesy humor, extreme tragedy and shonen manga power-leveling is disorienting at first, but you get used to it. The art is a bit amateur (and becomes increasingly abstract as the series goes on) but you can feel the enthusiasm the author has for his work jumping off the page. Plus, it’s jam-packed with classical music trivia!

I’m sure I’m forgetting some big ones but these are the first that come to mind. What are your favorites? Now that I basically have no work to do (orz) I’d love to read some new stuff. Off-kilter series in particular!

#manga #text post #my favs are all either violent and/or romantic lol #I guess my tastes tend toward the extreme

[gayregis]

Honestly if you just wanted to revisit your thoughts on Eternal Flame and its homiesexual text/subtext, I would be delighted. I love that short story and I love hearing your thoughts on the stories aodnsjsjabsjx

fghjkl i just think it was a story very centered on geralt and dandelion’s friendship and it did so in a manner which exceeded the sort of generally accepted norms of “friendship” and went into “being gay for your best friend”

i mean the story literally begins by them both being dumped by their girlfriends, but not too upset about their relationship drama because they have each other for company now. they plan to spend the day and night together, and throughout the story they have the general geralt and dandelion friendship interactions - trying to get some food and drink, joking around, dandelion being overly dramatic or preoccupied with sex and geralt being mopey and unamused. when things go wrong and there is conflict in the story, they of course still are spending the day together and thinking of a way to deal with the problem. overall, the story is a look into day-to-day life of when geralt and dandelion run into each other and hang out.

another thing of note is how dandelion hypes geralt up during when they meet tellico-in-biberveldt’s-form, calling him the terror of strigas and werewolves and all, which is a nice and awarding description for a man whose job it was to kill some shit in a sewer last chapter. of course, it’s dandelion (overdramatic and flowery with language), and they’re close friends, so of course he is going to describe geralt as thus, but it’s a reminder of how positively dandelion views geralt and how he both doesn’t see him as repugnant for being a witcher (as is the case with many geralt encounters) and isn’t ashamed to have a witcher as his best friend (as would be the case with many others, who treat witchers like bad omens), and also since it’s dandelion, it’s telling that he doesn’t let his own arrogance get in the way of lauding his friend with his proud titles and descriptions. although dandelion is self-loving, he is not so overwhelmingly so that he would ever refuse to acknowledge or downplay geralt’s presence.

another thing is how, when geralt, dandelion, and biberveldt are visited by chapelle and the men of the eternal fire, dandelion begs geralt to not start a fight with them because it will end in disaster, and geralt refuses to promise him that, and when chapelle speaks to him, he is internally very aggressive and alert, very displeased. of course, he is geralt, he doesn’t love authority and he dislikes the eternal flame for their persecution of nonhumans... but the aggression he feels towards chapelle reminds me of the aggression he felt towards toruviel in edge of the world when she broke dandelion’s lute, or in season of storms when dandelion has a knife to his throat, it’s only when dandelion is afraid or hurt that geralt really gets aggressive.

but the climax of the story is geralt literally being inable to enact violence towards tellico for the compounded reasons of “i value innocent life too much” and “the embodiment of this value of life is my best friend” ... 

the fact that geralt is pretty aggressive still towards tellico when he turns into him, but once tellico turns into dandelion geralt just... stops fighting and completely rules out any physical harm from the equation. he practically “gives up” the fight, it’s like tellico changing into dandelion was all geralt needed in order to be persuaded, because it’s the only form that he would listen to. after tellico switches forms to that of dandelion, geralt listens to him, and he also is not described as making any sudden movements, he doesn’t think as if he’s in a fight anymore, the narration is not that of a “fight scene” - something i recognize from when geralt is in a fight is that the prose switches to a certain point of view of his where his actions and options are narrated (e.g., in a grain of truth when he fights vereena, the sword of destiny where he fights the dryad scalpers). he instead hears tellico’s every word out, and “reluctantly nods,” and “says nothing.” he’s practically frozen compared to what he was prepared for just a moment ago when tellico took his form, when he threatened to carry him out of the city in a handcart.

and what makes it even more suggestive is that this wasn’t a random guess from tellico that “maybe if i take dandelion’s form he’ll lay off because they’re friends!” ... no, this was strategy that he came up with from literally taking geralt’s form and reading his mind - “i took over your thoughts, only briefly, but it was sufficient, do you know what i’m going to do now?” - tellico, after being in geralt’s form, immediately makes the decision to change forms into that of dandelion, because he knew geralt’s mind while he was in his form. that means that tellico read geralt’s thoughts only briefly but from this inside view of geralt’s mind, knowing what his greatest fears, loves, dreams, hopes, passions, regrets, etc. are... he thought it would save his life to change into dandelion, because he knew from geralt’s mind that geralt would listen to him in that form.

additionally, after this occurs, geralt... doesn’t tell dandelion in the falling action of the story. he had the chance to, when dandelion drew near, he might have smirked and said something like “don’t look too closely at his boots” (tellico-in-dandelion’s-form’s cordovan boots were sticking out of the carpet that geralt rolled him up in, so dandelion could have recognized them if he paid attention, since he seems to be so caring about his footwear as in the beginning chapter)... this raises the question why geralt wouldn’t tell him about what happened, why he wouldn’t communicate to dandelion about this, maybe warning him that tellico could change into him in an effort to evoke sympathy, or to break it to dandelion that his famous persona had been stolen for a little while. dandelion literally jokes and asks geralt why vespula was so surprised to see him, asking what was wrong with her (vespula was frightened because she smacked tellico-in-dandelion’s-form with the copper pan, but then saw dandelion coming down the road... double vision). geralt could have easily explained to him then, he had the perfect opportunity to say, “oh, dudu changed into your form and so vespula was scared for she saw two of you, [insert biting sarcastic comment here about how one dandelion is certainly enough, and how he would be scared seeing two of dandelion as well].” ... but geralt doesn’t tell him, and that makes me think that tellico taking dandelion’s form was a moment of emotional vulnerability for him, something that geralt doesn’t want to share or joke about, something that was uncomfortable for him. that makes me ask the question how geralt emotionally took that confrontation in the alleyway, what he felt about his own actions (or rather, inaction), and why he might be reluctant to share about that.

i think there is also this tension of the myth of the doppler being about the physical world, changes to a physical form, a form which is tangible and real. it’s not only that tellico evoked the image of dandelion, but that he was him - and the narration from geralt’s point of view seems to... lurk on a lot of not only physical characteristics that he noticed, but mannerisms and behavior that he knew instinctively as being those of dandelion. he describes his curly hair, his smile, his laugh ... the focus on physicality, body, face, and how one exists in the physical world, intimate details like those described just seem very out of place for someone who you’d only consider a best friend, a platonic relationship. one could argue that this is just standard narration for describing the changing of a form for a doppler, but the same style of narration was not given when dudu changed into biberveldt, or when he changed into geralt. additionally, things like smile, laugh, song, and style of flirting are very close and positive details, and other more “neutral” aspects like height and weight and clothes could have been described instead. this suggests that the most striking elements about dandelion to geralt are his curly hair, his insolent smile, his rippling laugh, his blue eyes, his song, and his flirting ... which are ... intimate to say the least

and of course the story ends with them going to a brothel! which continues these themes (two themes which dandelion always invites) of the comedic and the physical. what’s also striking to me is that at the very end of the story, dandelion asks geralt if he’s coming along or what, and geralt smiles to him and says he will join him with pleasure. geralt smiling is honestly a rare event (though it does happen, in dandelion’s character debut in the voice of reason he smiles at him), so i think it’s something to pay attention to. additionally, the line translated in the UK edition is “right, very satisfactory. geralt, are you coming?” and “i’ll come with pleasure,” which focuses on the words ‘satisfactory’ and ‘pleasure’ which are also words i wouldn’t relegate to being solely platonic.

additionally, this might be a bad take but i’m going to say it anyways because i’m gay so i can say what i want regarding lgbt themes ig: the ending of the story is that chapelle is actually a doppler who has taken chapelle’s form, since the real chapelle has died. tellico beseeches geralt, in dandelion’s form, to let him live and live amongst the people of novigrad, because he’s tired of being dehumanized and persecuted, and just wants to live in peace. there is a theme surrounding the dopplers as they are shapeshifters and chameleons, having to change who they are in order to blend in with the rest of society. again, this might be a bad take, but this kind of strikes me as an analogy for being lgbt, because when you are lgbt in a homo/transphobic society, you have to hide who you are and adapt your outward appearance into something that others will accept, and you are persecuted even though you are harmless and don’t mean to cause anyone trouble. of course, this could be a wider analogy about persecution and being marginalized in general (cultural assimilation, anyone?) and compring any marginalized people to nonhumans sucks (wouldn’t be the first or only time sapkowski went there, though), but ig as a gay person i found myself relating to the plight of the dopplers. the ending message of the story is also positive, something like there is hope and life in the world despite hatred (re: tellico’s ending to dandelion’s ballad) and the dopplers, the persecuted ones, are actually everywhere in society despite appearances that they’re not (not the best execution because you know figures of authority suck but whatever)

TLDR eternal flame is a little fruity to me because

geralt and dandelion want to be in each other’s company (as always)

geralt and dandelion’s relationship is again characterized by ability to be casual and comfortable in each other’s presence, working together through difficulty and conflict, and standing up for one another/being proud on the other’s behalf

tellico strategically takes dandelion’s form to evoke kindness and respect in geralt, and it works completely

geralt’s pov focuses on dandelion’s intimate physical and behavioral traits

geralt smiles and tells dandelion “i’ll come with pleasure”

vague lgbt themes about the dopplers

#ask #eternal flame #gerlion #geralt #dandelion #dudu #anon

[dumpsiteforfics]

Yearning - Excerpts From a lonely heart : [ Chapter 1 ]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Spencer Reid

Rating: Mature

Genre: Angst and fluff

Trigger warnings: mentions of death, suicide, A/B/O, Drugs, Kidnapping, spoilers to criminal minds season 1 to season 6. Also, will include mpreg, at the end.

This is my a/b/o universe for Heid. As the name suggests, lots of yearning and angst followed by a fluff and smut eventually. First chapter might be slower but things will pick up soon. I don't want to make the story longer, but we will see!!

Also, please check trigger warnings and also let me know if you would like me to add more warnings!

English is my third language so expect grammatical mistakes and typos, I don't have a beta sorry. Also I hope you will give it some love!! I'm looking forward to the feedback.

AO3 link : Chapter 1

More about this au: Click here

Should've chosen a different career, Spencer thought for the millionth time. Being an Omega, he had a chance to pursue any career he wanted and as long as he had the qualifications he wouldn't be denied. That, accompanied by his IQ, he had a chance of becoming anything from a Scientist to astronaut, quite literally any freaking career choice. But, here he was, kidnapped by a psychopath and handcuffed to a chair. And to make matters worse, Tobias seemed to have two more personalities residing in him, giving him a chance to torture Spencer in three different ways.

He was already scared to death, he won't lie about it. But he was worried about JJ, whom he had told to split up and now all he can think about was those scary dogs and JJ, all alone in the place devoid of network coverage. He wouldn't want her to be kidnapped with him, no, but he was hoping she was at least alive and safe. Well, at least safer than he was! When he woke up in a dingy cabin, he was immediately assaulted with a disgusting smell which Raphael later told him was of fish hearts burning, and honestly, even with his enhanced senses, he wouldn't have recognised it. He wasn't sure how many hours had passed, but he was sure his scent blockers had already stopped working. He was hopeful that the team was at least aware of the fact that Tobias was in fact the unsub and they will start searching for him soon. Because he was getting tired of trying to keep his mind sane.

He was already beaten up, bruised and he was yet to meet Tobias again. And frankly, he hoped he would be saved before he had to meet any one of his personalities again.

***†***

Aaron couldn't seem to calm his heart from racing yet. Ever since he heard the sheriff utter that God forsaken name he wasn't able to think about anything but JJ and Reid. He sent his agents to this psychopath's home, without any backup. And no matter how good at the job his both agents were, one of them was a beta and another an Omega. Omega!! Fuck, his heart started picking up the pace again. He needs to have them both safe as soon as possible, and that was the thought running through his mind as they started clearing out Hankel's place.

When Morgan found JJ, he was relieved for a moment. They were together, so that means Reid will be with her, or that's what he thought. But apparently, they had split to cover more ground and Reid wasn't with her. Making JJ get checked up by the EMTs he started searching with Morgan for their Omega, they both tried to use their senses, but Reid always wore scent blockers, and that meant they will have to use Reid's perfume as their trail. This wasn't always a valid option, because it wasn't as unique as the scent of Alpha or Omega.

But they tried and all they could do was find a place in the middle of a cornfield where Reid must've been caught by Hankel. Aaron closed his eyes. Their Omega was missing, kidnapped by a psychopath, or a team of psychopaths according to the crime scenes. God!!!! He can't do this. He needs to find him!

He quickly gave instructions to the PD to put the roadblocks so that Hankel couldn't take Reid far away as they continued to canvas the surrounding area. Aaron along with the rest of the BAU team will stay inside the house to profile everything they can find to get clues about where Hankel might be keeping their agent.

Aaron just wanted this nightmare to end and find Reid as soon as possible, everything else be damned.

***†***

Spencer wanted to die. He never really thought being an Omega can be such a curse, but it was. He could smell so many conflicting feelings coming from Tobias and it was messing up with his empathic abilities. He was an empath, all omega's were. It made them so nurturing, and now when he had to suffer through the hands of three different personalities of a single psychopath, it was getting so damn difficult.

He didn't even have to gauge the behaviour to understand who was currently talking to him. Each personality harboured such distinct feelings and it was exhausting to keep up with it. His own fear was nowhere near taxing considering all the empathic load Tobias was putting him through. Charles was disgusted by Spencer, he was disgusted by his son Tobias, he thought of Spencer as a weakling and that was visible through his behaviour. But his feelings. The amount of disgust that dripped through his feelings made Spencer sick. He wanted to cower away from it.

Then there was Raphael, who was just pure evil. There wasn't anything else to describe him better. There was this sick pleasure that surrounded his aura whenever he saw Spencer was enough to make him scared. And Tobias. He was just so scared, so bruised from inside. He was so tired of everything and whenever he came near Spencer, all he wanted was to protect him from any harm. And it was exhausting to feel such different emotions for a single person who had held him prisoner.

He wanted to get out of this. He wanted to go back to his home, to his safe place. He wanted to go back into his bedroom, start his white noise generator to seep out all unnecessary voices, he wanted to just sip on his coffee and surround himself in his mother's blanket, reading books until he could lose the fight with sleep. He wanted to go back to not feeling scared and despised and he just wanted this nightmare to stop.

He closed his eyes as he tried to think about good feelings. The only way he could filter away these horrible feelings from taking a hold of his heart was to replace those with positive feelings.

He thought back to the times on the plane he spent playing chess with Gideon, all those talks about how to survive in this career, the way Gideon made him feel safe, and cared for. He focused on the games of cards with Emily and Morgan. He was never so close to any Alphas before, but Emily and Morgan always made him feel safe. They always thought of him as their little brother, and he loved those moments he spent bickering about almost anything with them. He thought about his Betas, JJ and Penelope. They were always so nurturing towards him when technically it should be his nature. He focused on how it felt to be hugged by Penelope and how it was JJ who accepted him from day one, she was the only one that calls him Spence.

And then he thought about his pack Alpha. Stern, strong and unwavering. Just how a pack Alpha should be! He remembered how scary it was to be in his presence and realise that despite your resume you are going to have to prove your worth to this man. And it was thrilling in a weird way. He used to being given anything he wanted almost all his life after he presented as an Omega, so it was a welcome change. He spent those initial months focusing on his work and using his mind along with the skills that people consider as weakness together to excel at his job. And he had realised how he was finally accepted as a team by his boss through little actions. Because just like how his boss never voiced out his doubts about his capabilities to do this job, he never voiced his acceptance. Spencer had to acknowledge it through the short discussions at the end of the day when the rest of the team nowhere to be found, an advice seeked out directly from him when he could've asked almost anyone else, the way his rambled were never stopped unless they were not related to the case, and even then he would ask Spencer about it again when the case was finished.

But soon his shield broke as a terror passed through his mind, not his feelings though, Tobias!

And just like that, Tobias was talking to him and he had a syringe in his hand and now the terror that Spencer felt wasn't just his own.

Get me out of here, please!

***†***

Taglist: @ssa-sarahsunshine @brillianthijinx @thaddeusly please let me know if you would like to be added/removed! ❤️❤️

#heid #heid a/b/o #tw a/b/o #tw: mention of violence #tw: mention of death #tw: kidnapping #tw: drugs #hotchreid #hotch×reid

[homeformyheart]

first kid vs. last kid - edward x f!mc (ds)

author’s note: thank you for the ask! i debated for a long time whether or not to write this one because i hadn’t written for DS before and i haven’t written anything involving kids/family. and the prompt itself naturally lends itself to fluff and so overall this was harder than normal XD. 

copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. series/pairing: distant shores – edward x f!mc (peyton bellamy) rating/warnings: 13+ word count: 1.6k

first vs. last prompts / 4. first kid vs. last kid

first kid

peyton gripped the white stick until her knuckles paled, her fingers purposefully covering the little window that mocked her with two pink lines. she squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears of panic prickling her eyelids to stay away, and trying to force her body to breathe.

as if on cue, the pressure on her lungs gave way and she gulped down as much air as she could, feeling it push through her body like the water pressure on a firehose. once she was done gasping, her mind wandered and led her to the poseidon ii, where she welcomed how the sun beat down on her face as she balanced her way around the rocking deck. her mind continued flipping through her memories like it was her picflix streaming list, pausing every so often to play a 30-second trailer.

she didn’t fight it when her mind took her to the bustling town square in tiburon, where she welcomed the mindless chatter of pointless gossip from the townsfolk. and of course, she pressed pause when her mind took her to that island with the dolphins and shimmering blue waves, where she let herself swim alongside a man who seemed more and more like a dream with every passing day.

she took slow, deep breaths through her nose and let her mind wander back to that island, the beach, and edward sitting beside her. and she knew, even though she wasn’t ready to really think about becoming a mother, that this baby was hers and edward’s – solid proof that he was real, that their love is real.

1 year later

peyton wrapped her arms tightly around the blankets encasing her son, holding him against her chest as he nursed. as soon as he was done, edward gently cradled their child to burp him before laying him down in a makeshift crib they built with materials on the ship.

when she appeared on the docks in tiburon only three months after giving birth, peyton didn’t expect she’d get to stay for very long. the compass had called to her frequently throughout her pregnancy, the weeks that passed in-between trips translated to months in the past. thankfully, time travel didn’t seem to have lasting impacts on her pregnancy, with the exception of amplified morning sickness from constantly being on the water. peyton was also grateful that the compass didn’t call her during or immediately after she gave birth; even though edward would’ve wanted to be there, she was relieved that modern healthcare would surround her at such a terrifying time.

“edward, can we talk?” she said quietly once it was clear their son was asleep.

“of course, my love. what’s on your mind?” edward asked, moving to sit next to her on the bed and wrap his arm around her waist.

peyton leaned into his side. “i don’t know how much longer i’ll get to stay. i want us to be prepared.”

edward slowly tucked some loose hair behind peyton’s ear before locking eyes with her. “what do you mean?”

she felt something lodge in her throat at the same time the tears started prickling behind her eyes. “edward – in case i get sent back, i want you to raise our son. i don’t want to force him to grow up in two very different worlds, it would be so disruptive and i don’t want you to be alone.”

“no, a child should be with his mother. he needs you and you will be able to make sure he grows up in a safer environment. pirating is no life for a child,” edward said firmly.

peyton shook her head vigorously, trying to keep her voice low so as not to wake their son. “a son needs his father. he needs you.”

edward looked at her with such softness, peyton felt her heart break as the weight of her reality settled in – the reality that she may not have a future with the man she loved.

“you must do what is best for you and our son. your whole future is ahead of you. and your time would be better for him,” he said softly, cupping her cheek in the palm of his hand.

“i don’t want to leave you. i love you, edward,” peyton said between soft sobs, her body starting to feel weighed down by fatigue.

“and i love you from the bottom of my heart, miss peyton bellamy,” edward whispered into her ear as he held her tight.

as she drifted off to sleep, peyton vaguely remembered that edward hadn’t responded to her request that he raise their son should she get sent back to the future. it didn’t matter though, because when she woke up, she was in her own time, and alone.

last kid

five years. peyton could hardly believe that it had been five years since she last traveled through time. it was something they didn’t talk about, out of concern that speaking their fears out loud might tempt fate. superstitions aside, peyton was grateful that she was back in time with edward and the crew that had become her family. it honestly felt as though she had returned home – with charlie and ginny echoing those sentiments ten-fold.

she was incredibly grateful that their son was only two years old when she returned. time travel was finnicky but at least she hadn’t disappeared for too long in edward’s time, lest their son’s implicit memory of her fade. even though for her it had only been a few months, their dynamic had changed significantly considering edward had been raising their son on the ship as a single father. it took some time for them to adjust to a new normal with each other given the constant threat of time travel taking her away again and a son to raise.

but to peyton, the challenges and hardships were nothing compared to the pure joy she felt at being with the loves of her life. she would bend over backwards and adapt as well as she could to a pirate life as a mother and wife if it meant she could be with them forever.

for edward, he had to unlearn the hardened ways in which he kept his son close and the protective harshness he deployed to anyone who threatened those defenses. despite his nightmares and worries, their son took to peyton like a moth to a flame, a true representation of what a mother means to a son and vice-versa.

she watched from where she was sitting against a tree as edward played with their son, whose laughter was so carefree and infectious, peyton felt herself getting emotional each time she heard it. edward looked up and made eye contact with her, giving her that loving smile she knew she would never get used to seeing.

peyton didn’t realize she had become lost in thought until edward cleared his throat gently from behind her. she looked over and gave him a warm smile, noticing that their son was preoccupied with chasing butterflies a short distance away.

“what is on your mind, my love?” he asked, sitting down next to her.

she gave him a long, contemplative look. “it’s been five years since i’ve last traveled, and i… i want to expand our family.”

if she took edward by surprise, the only tell was the miniscule movement of his left eyebrow.

when he stayed silent, peyton continued, “i want to have another child with you, edward.”

“are you sure? what about–?”

peyton cut him off with a shake of her head. “i don’t think we’ll have to worry about it anymore. i can’t explain it, but i haven’t been able to sense the compass in years. i think i’m here to stay and I want to grow our family.”

edward touched his forehead to hers. “i would love nothing more, mrs. mortemer.”

3 years later

“mama! papa! can we go explore over there by the trees?”

peyton put a hand on her swollen belly. “yes, but be careful darling. and watch your brother!” she called out.

her oldest son grabbed the hand of his younger brother’s, slowing his gait down to match his brother’s waddle. edward chuckled as he wrapped an arm around peyton’s waist, tucking her into his side and giving her a soft kiss on her forehead.

“those two will be absolute terrors for the crew to keep track of in a couple of years,” he said, his voice thick with affection.

peyton turned to her husband to give him a soft kiss. “that’s why i really want this last one to be a girl.”

“and if it’s not? do you want to keep trying until we have a girl? you know i love having a family with you,” he said softly.

“as much as i’d like to have another female in our house, i think this little one will have to be our last,” she said as edward laid a hand on her belly.

the experience she had during the last pregnancy and birth, which she had to endure without the advances in medicine from the future, was more than enough for one lifetime. but she really wanted a little girl.

“let us hope and pray that this one is the little girl that will complete our family then,” edward said as they walked hand-in-hand after their two sons.

* * * * * mentions: @raleigh-edward; @khoicesbyk permatag: @withbeautyandrage; @agentnolastname; @freckles-spangledvampire;

#choices #reposting for new blog #choices fanfic #choices fanfics #distant shores #pb choices #playchoices #playchoices fanfiction #not twc #my writing #edward mortemer #peyton bellamy #edward mortermer x mc #choices distant shores #choices ds #my prompt fill #choices prompt fills #anon

[letusmeetagain]

Wonder Egg Priority so far...

[This will be full of spoilers so please beware of it if you didn’t watch the series yet.]

I started this show last Saturday. I did it because my dash was full of screencaps of the protagonist, Ai, and she reminded me of Coraline.

The premise of a girl trying to discover why his only friend commited suicide got me. Add mystery, terror and that Madoka feeling and it was a quick decision to me. 

Until episode 11 I was okay with the story. I could even say that I was very satisfied although the pacing was weird considering that the whole story should last just 12 episodes. I knew that it would be somehow like Madoka and the last two episodes would be a bit rushed.

After espisode 11 I got annoyed by the big amount of freudian content in the series. It got almost too much for me.

Frill’s story... that old move of a little lady messing up and being the genesis of the main conflict is somehow overused. Pandora, who? If the girl is cruel and lacks of mental health... then worst.

Electra complex? What’s that? Ah... yeah: a girl's sense of competition with her mother for the affections of her father at early stages of her psycho-sexual development. What Frill experienced. The two times her only bonds to her parents/creators were stolen from them Maybe the same Ai was experiencing but with the difference that Ai has enough bonds that would prevent her to develop an unhealthy response to that?

The way Acca and Ura-Acca explained the lack of boys either as trapped souls after suicide or as saviors got on my nerves. And it’s because "Boys' and girls' suicides mean different things. Men are goal-oriented, and women are emotion-oriented. Women are impulsive and easily influenced by others' voices."

I doubt about the accurancy of this statement to be honest... However... Frill’s backstory showed that she might be influencing girls into commiting suicide. Something important regarding this is that any girl the main heroins rescued contributed to their personal stories and their own understanding of things they can’t approach yet. Those random stories gave some hints about their main conflicts.

In the moment when Momoe discovered she was worth of love, she had to face the counterpart of this possitive development. In the moment she accepts herself and knows it’s possible to be loved as she is, the opposite drive appears... the death drive. Freud’s basic theories. Eros and Thanatos. When I heard that in episode 10 I started to understand what was bothering me about the treatment of female conflicts.

Sadly, we didn’t get to know about Rika’s last battle. It’s probable that her For Rika, her development revolved around the acceptance of her missing father and her suicidal tendencies.

The lack of male figures in the story catched my attention many times. The only male figure is Ai’s teacher. Another topic related to this character is girl’s attraction to older men. That’s why I pointed out the neo freudian’s concept of “Electra complex”. Up to this point and unless some twist happens, I get the point that Koito was trying to come closer to Ai in order to get the tearcher’s attention. She asked Ai to secretly record a video of her getting attacked. She glared at Ai when she caught her getting closer to the teacher.

I know this sounds disappointing but honestly... so does Frill’s backstory sounds like. It’s in the end about petty behaviors such as a wild competition for the affection of a father-like figure. I was expecting Koito to be jealous of the teacher instead, because she was in love with Ai but it seems to be that the trigger was her feelings for the teacher and her jealousy of Ai being his artistic muse. It seems to be that the teacher admired her beauty and wanted Ai to become a stronger, confident woman. Maybe Koito misunderstood it and was lured into giving in to death’s temptation...

Regarding Ai’s feelings for his teacher... I think that she had a sort of platonic crush on him. Her reaction to her mother’s confession about them starting to date shocked her and I guess Neiru’s approach of the situation through the Ockham's Razor principle was correct. She was unable to understand her own feelings. Frill’s case, Koito and Ai’s cases are a parallel aiming to show the same conflict: unrequited love. A love for a father-like figure.

Since Ai, as I said, formed strong bonds and could achieve a better understaning of some things, she will be able to face Frill in a different way as the other girls. It’s still a mystery what will Neiru do in the ending. Her story with her sister... was that because of a competition with her?

Letting aside this freudian influence that bothers me, I really liked the 4 main girls. Their developments were beautyfully made. Their constant struggle with the idea of death and vanishing and how they reach for a reason to stay alive. Especially in Rika’s case. Neiru’s story was the most interesting to me. Her relationships with Ai and Kotobuki. That mercy killing and the way Ai helped her to do it paralleling the way Ai supported Koito with that fortune telling game... it was moving.

Honorable mentions: Frill’s subordinates are creepy asf. The way they killed the mascots shocked me to the point I started to cry. And if the way they were used as poor scapegoats to save the girls (“for now I’m going to have to satisfy myself with this -Panic’s killing-”), those creepy bug-head killers, Hyphen and Dot, forced Momoe and Rika to eat their flesh. It was horrible. But I can’t help to think that it holds a hidden meaning that goes beyond provoking a trauma/shock.

Regarding the battle between Eros and Thanatos drives... I suppose this was a symbolic way to show how girls decisions to live or die are a result of this battle. They all have suicidal tendencies they fight against with love and bonds. In the moment they lose that battle and give in to despair, the temptation of death gets stronger. Now we have to see how Ai deals with it in the next episode...

#wep #Don't mind my complaints #I still love the show because of the girls...

[rawliverandcigarettes]

👹 🏀 ❤️ for Khocress please!

Thank you so much for the questions and giving me an excuse to ramble about Khocress <3 I am going to spill down a whole lot and I'm sorry for the oversharing.

👹 How does you OC act around different people and how does their personality change to match the environment they’re in? How do they act with: friends, family, strangers, children or their lover(s)?

I'd say Khocress is, overall, a pretty consistent person. While not as stoic as he used to be, he tends to observe first, and speak after, and remain guarded about his private emotions all the way through. Still, he is invested in being trusted by those he wants to protect, and will try and build rapport with people he deems vulnerable (like children, refugees, etc).

He tends to be confident in his position in the social hierarchy, so he will never be intimidated by strangers and ends up in charge without trying. He does allow himself a tad more vulnerability with non-batarians, and show a greater range of emotions than strength and confidence, because he doesn't risk losing quite as much with them. There are not many people aware of his secrets, safe for a selected few, but he's aware he needs support beams so he can shoulder the excrutiating weight of being a gang leader of a species in shreds, in constant negotiation of their continued existence in a station that considers them disposable resources.

Khocress with lovers is... interesting. For a while, I couldn't figure out his deal when it came to sexual/romantic attraction, and I even wondered if he wasn't ace: but turns out, Khocress has caught a very warped-up, weird case of the Madonna/Whore complex -he does not allow himself to feel sexual attraction towards anyone he respects, because of a deep internalization that sexual desire is inherent violence. So he only allows himself to desire, and have sex (hate-sex), with people he loathes in some way. And when it comes to romantic love, I think this scares the hell out of him! He's completely capable, but never got in a place where he feels relaxed and open enough to afford feeling anything close to romantic vulnerability.

🏀 Does your OC have any skills that people wouldn’t expect them to have? Do they have a hobby or pass time that others would consider strange or weird? How did they learn this particular skill or pick up this hobby?

I wouldn't call them unexpected, but Khocress has a knack for mechanics. He loves putting apart and restitching engines, finding clever solutions to optimize electrical distribution, water pumping, etc. The surprising part comes with the amount of delicacy and care he puts into manual labor, as he is a big man that can and will crack a skull open if needed. He learned this out of necessity, but went above and beyond survival and into the mechanics of how things work. I think he could have make for a great engineer, or perhaps an urban planner, in different circumstances. He's also kind of a beer nerd! He will drink whatever, even excruciating stuff, but he's knowledgeable of the brewing processes and capable of appreciating their nuance. That comes from a time in his past where he did contribute to brewing beer and find ingenuous ways to make it work, store it, etc, as he didn't really have room to pick up more creative endeavors.

❤️ What inspired you to make this OC? How long have you had them? How have they changed in the time you’ve been developing them?

Honestly, of all the major Halfway Home characters, Khocress is the one that I expected the least to bloom into importance. In his first iteration (so pre-draft 1, back when I was still figuring it out), he was way more of an asshole, and the complexity of his relationship to Shlee was very different, as his empathy for Shlee *was* the complexity. He was kind of meant to be an extension of Aria back then, offering her little resistance. But then I wrote him, and his empathy spurred to eleven, and its limits and the choices this character must make in regards to this empathy became the complexity instead --so he did kind of a 180. There is one particular element to this character's backstory that was almost always present, and the driving force of both his beliefs and the profound terror that constantly battle each other for dominance, but I allowed the belief (that batarians deserve a chance at rediscovering themselves) to gain more terrain and for him to become one of the kinder figures of the story.

I think I was inspired by what he became rather than putting him on a trail I had in mind from the beginning, if that makes sense. The main inspiration has to do with batarians' place in Omega's ecosystem, and Aria's relationship to batarian culture. I needed a way to embody this tension point: batarian's importance, their subserviance, and the growing risk they might take over one day, and Khocress carved the questions as he became the character he is today. His relationship to Aria changed a bunch too, and I really enjoy where it is now; at once brilliant put together, begrudgingly respectful, on edge around the danger the other represents, pushing and pulling the boundaries of their power struggle, and vulnerable in an ugly way.

Khocress has consistently been a favorite when I pitched him to others, and I think he's the character that *worked* the fastest and the cleanest. His arc isn't always easy to pin down, but yep. Glad people like him!

Ask me about my OCs!

#khocress #asks #halfway home #vague lemon #batarian

[flowerslightning]

Have you heard about PFA and MFA?

or the full name is ‘Psychological First Aid’ (PFA) and ‘Mental Health First Aid’ (MFA)

Can we relate it with Cloud Strife? As we all know, Cloud had mental illness and was struggling alone. Let’s take a quick look on this topic then and see if characters in FF7 ever give PFA/MFA to Cloud or to each other. This is going to be a looooong post although I tried to simplified it, so, yeah. Good luck reading this !

Disclaimer : I’m not a psychologist. I’m still a student and psych is not my major field. During my intern, other than we got exposed a lot about psychiatric disorders and ways to deal with them, we also got trained psychological first aid in emergency department. If it wasnt because of this quarantine, i would have finished my training in emergency field. There might be false interpretation here or there, forgive me for that and pls correct any mistake in this post

This will probably trigger LTD. Sorry, but I had to, Pls read this post with open mind. Keep in mind I like both Tifa and Aerith, i have no grudges agaisnt Barret, Vincent, Nanaki or Cid so I am not being bias with any of them. I forgot a lot of stuff in OG (I played it when I was really really small), so I will be using lots FF7R and AC references here (and a bit from OG, depends whatever I remember)

Good to go? Allow me to rant. Read it slowly and if u skip some of it, u’ll probably mislead my actual words, and u’ll be triggered af. Don’t come at me with madness if u dont read the whole post properly

What is PFA and MFA? Generally speaking, if Basic First Aid is about covering the wound to prevent further bleeding, then PFA (Psychological First Aid) and MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is like applying a bandage on ur mental to avoid u continue being distress. 

Usually, PFA is often associated with disaster event or terrorism, where large number of people got affected. Meanwhile, MFA focus in one person who is developing mental health prob or already in mental crisis due to certain traumas, such as vehicle accident, house burned and etc

 Pls note that, certain people NEED MFA while the others may NOT NEED it. It is important to respect their needs/wants. Some victims may refuse verbally but they ACTUALLY NEED it (CLOUD STRIFE) and maybe some victims look like they dont need it, but they want it, and its super fine to give it

PFA/MFA not only done by the professionals and it is not a professional counselling, although necessarily training is needed if u want to approach deeper in this field. PFA/MFA is also not a psychological ‘debriefing’ - in which MFA/PFA doesnt need to involve a detailed discussion of the trauma event with the victim, but instead, it is an alternative way to psychological debriefing that helps for long-term recovery. (unless if ure a pscyhiatrist, then u have to forget about MFA and ask detailed questions regarding the events to help the patient to recover)

MFA and PFA both almost the same, but I will mention more about MFA here.

MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is not just about comforting “Oh, are u alright. I’m sorry for what u’ve been through”, but it is also about assessing their needs and concerns, protecting them from harm, provide practical support and support them feeling able to help themselves and others.

The main key for these two term is RESPECT - respect victim’s dignity, respect both parties safety and respect victim’s rights to make decision. Even without the PFA, we should respect these three in whatever circumstance we are in. 

A lot of us honestly were born with natural skill of MFA bcause of our own empathy, instinct or experiences and some got trained professionally. Some of them already had MFA due to high common senses they have.  

Some of the Do’s and Dont’s when giving MFA include;

Do’s : 1. Be trustworthy | 2. Respect their decision | 3. Be aware of and set aside ur bias | 4. Make it clear to them u are available for help even they push u away | 5. Respect their privacy and personal space | 6. Do remain calm and soft when the person in distress | 7. Listen and don’t interrupt their talking | 8. Help in terms of basic needs | 9. Create connection the person with others | 10. Give hope to them | 11. Provide private place to talk about the event | 12. Respect their strenght | 13. Advice small necessary matters or give simple words of encouragement | 14. Acknowledge positive features of what victims have done

Dont’s : 1. Rush in whatever the thing theyre doing with u | 2. Be dismissive | 3. Make promises u know can’t keep | 3. Ask anything in return for helping them | 4. Exaggerate ur skills | 5. Force help on people, being pushy | 6. Pressure them to tell their story | 7. Judge that person | 8. Put the person in risk of harm as result of ur actions | 8. Force them to accept ur idea/Listening to ur rant | 9. Talk rough | 10. Being bias with the people | 11. Touching that person too much | 12. Talk with the person in negative terms | 13. Abandon the person’s feeling

To simplify, there are 3 ways for MFA to begin, and I will only talk about one of them, the one that is the hardest to do, that is when u notice someone looks distressed and ure concern about them, and leading u to approach them first without them noticing ur concern. [Am I putting the right words here?]

In Cloud’s case, who do u think the first noticed Cloud behaved oddly and went to help him first ? - yeah Tifa. U probably would say “OFC she went to help him, she met him first at the train station. That guy looked sick af, who wouldnt ask if he was alright. If Aerith/Yuffie/Jessie met him first, they would do the same”. Okay guys, that was not my point. 

Let’s focus one by one characters and see what Do’s and Dont’s MFA (Mental Health First Aid) they’ve done to Cloud and other charas. Keep in mind, none of them know what Cloud had gone through, but Cloud had showed some obvious sign he was unwell and only a few of them noticed that and took action for it. 

The symbol [X] means the Dont’s in MFA and ( ✔) means the Do’s in MFA.

Biggs Jessie Wedge -

I know there’s a thing about man helping man’s psychology and Jessie being flirty with a guy.They [X] thought Cloud was like how they saw Cloud. and they considered it as normal. They didnt see Cloud under distress so they dont have the need to concern his mental status. The good thing about them was, the three of them (✔) respect Cloud’s strenght, giving Cloud the confident to be in action. But, Jessie [X] had zero respect on Cloud’s personal space

I wanna highlight about Biggs. Biggs had an attitude of overthinking stuff, but it wasnt so bad that would cause him harm, he just cared too much about his friends. So I believe Biggs was the type that would notice immediately when his friend being strange and would give MFA (Mental Health First Aid) with his own instinct even without the person asking it.

During the Sector 7 Plate attack, where Biggs was severely injured, when Cloud said he was not a fan of kids and Biggs said Cloud had so much in common (in common of what? Cloud with the kids or Cloud with him?), Cloud gave him ‘a sad look’ and Biggs reached out his hand to Cloud’s head. Biggs (✔) remain calm and soft when dealing with Cloud’s feeling (who faced traumatic event but Biggs didnt know about it) on that moment despite his current physical status. And also he (✔) wished goodluck to Cloud, leading to prevention distress on Cloud

Marle -

Marle [X] judged Cloud for someone who had no skills, but she entrusted Cloud to take care of Tifa’s well being. Not knowing who Cloud was, Marle noticed Cloud looked glum, she (✔) offered her ear for Cloud to rant and knew right away he was not having enough sleep, then (✔) advising him to sleep more . Lol, she was [X] biased with Cloud and Tifa. Not her fault, she only knew Tifa’s story, not Cloud’s. After the Sector 7 plate fall, we saw her being the most active member to help with the remaining citizens there. Marle without a doubt had given the citizens there PFA (Psychological First Aid) , by helping them with their (✔) basic needs, (✔) create connections, (✔) put away bias, (✔) remain calm and soft. 

Barret Wallace -

Barret was the same like Biggs Jessie Wedge. I’m sure Barret thought Cloud was just fine. Barret saw Cloud as a mercenary with stinky attitude,[X] judging him like that causing Barret to gave him the same attitude too. But overall, he (✔) respected Cloud’s strength a lot

However, after the Sector 7 plate fall, Tifa and Barret were the one that hurt (mentally) the most, Tifa as usual locking her emotions, there we could see how Barret comforting Tifa by (✔) giving words of encouragement and proceed on (✔) hugging her to show his empathy. Barret also (✔) remain calm and soft spoken when talking to the survival victims of Sector 7 citizens. He also (✔) acknowledged what the citizens had done to survive

Vincent Valentine - 

Don’t be surprise Vincent was listed here. This guy here was like another version of Cloud but more mature. In addiction, they both kinda share the same pain. So, I personally think Vincent understands Cloud pretty well. In AC, where Cloud was mentally ill, Vincent saved Cloud from Kadaj and brothers and (✔) took him to safer place. That was a common thing to do. But let’s go deeper, Cloud never told him about himself, but Vincent already  (✔) aware of Cloud’s trouble with the geostigma stuff and Cloud’s current mental status. Vincent, (✔) calm and soft like always (✔) didnt hesitate to asked if all of these were just about ‘fighting’ and it made Cloud to ‘re-think’ further about his problem. He (✔) didnt pressure Cloud here, instead he was (✔) helping Cloud to understand the condition he was facing, and this lead Cloud to avoid distress.

Aerith Gainsborough -

I know Aerith was special. She was an important character and devs created her to be ‘loved’ by the fans so that her death would be tragic. Aerith did almost all the things that shouldnt be done when giving MFA to mentally ill person. Some of u may say “Duh, Aerith didnt know anything about Cloud thus she had no intentions of giving him MFA”. Yup, ure right. Aerith didnt know about Cloud’s mental status but so as all the other characters in the series. 

Aerith was [X] being pushy with Cloud, in lots of ways, from making him as a bodyguard for free to forcing him to wear a dress. She [X] forced Cloud to accept her idea about meeting Andrea, dance and gown. She also [X] forced Cloud to help picking the flowers. Aerith [X] didn’t let Cloud to have his own decision [X] neither giving him a chance to talk,  and [X] abandon his feelings (cough..uhm, Aerith resolution). She also had [X] no respect on Cloud’s personal space and [X] too much touching and leaning to him. Aerith also [X] put herself in danger and that worried Cloud.  She [X] looked down on Cloud in someways too

However, at the Sector 5 slum, where the hooded man appeared, Aerith noticed Cloud was having trouble with himself, she (✔) encouraged Cloud to keep himself together. Also, throughout the entire game, Aerith always remind the team to (✔) have hope in everything. Her positive vibrant attitude was what (✔) made everyone able to believe in themselves. She also (✔) ensure Marlene’s safety and protected her. She was able to (✔) remain soft and calm when approaching Marlene. Remember Betty? Aerith took her time to helped her out and she even (✔) respected the little girl’s strength, (✔)slow and steady when saving her and (✔)soft spoken

Tifa Lockhart -

Tifa met Cloud at the train station, saw him being ‘not-so-fine’ state despite Cloud claiming he was completely okay. Tifa didn’t know what Cloud had gone through and  she (✔) didn’t pressure him to talk about it. She even helped him to (✔) find a place to sleep even when Cloud never asked for it. Tifa unconsciously was the first person to give Cloud MFA without knowing what Cloud had faced previously. And Cloud, on that moment, he really needed a help. Tifa also (✔) stated that if Cloud need anything, she would help him with it

Tifa (✔) remain calm everytime Cloud had sudden headache, she didn’t leave him alone and (✔) didnt put any pressure on him by asking question. During the (✔) Alone At Last, they had privacy Tifa asked about what happened after he left Nibelheim. She (✔) listened and didnt interrupt him, (✔) neither pushing him to talk more. Moreover, Tifa (✔) put a distance with Cloud, dunno if she was the one who was being uncomfortable or she actually (✔) respect Cloud’s personal space and privacy. Tifa (✔) didn’t force him to stay at Midgar, she asked him and was glad Cloud would stay for a while. Tifa was no doubt (✔) respect all Cloud’s decisions too. Also, don’t forget, Tifa also helped Cloud to help (✔) make ‘close connection’ with the Avalanche members and people in Sector 7 slums. She also (✔) didn’t do much touching with Cloud (Well, I mean, she didnt touch him in clingy way)

In AC, Tifa (✔) encouraged Cloud to have hope for Geostigma and the family

Tifa did [X] put herself in danger by becoming Corneos bride participant and that gave Cloud trouble (but Tifa ensured him she would be fine on her own previously) And btw, in OG, I read about the fans questioning why Tifa [X] didnt tell Cloud the truth. I would like to argue this matter. TIFA IS A CHARACTER WITH REAL HUMAN FLAWS, she too had her own traumatic event and was not really sure of herself on what to do. However, considering what Tifa had done for him, Tifa had helped with Cloud’s psychology the most.

I know Cloud was putting up a font, and that made him to have condescending attitude, and people couldnt see what Cloud was hiding behind the the bravery face. However, all of us as fans acknowledged the pain Cloud was suffering in the entire FF7 story. Some of the characters like Tifa, Marle, Vincent, Biggs noticed it and they took actions for it, while others, I do personally thing, they were hurting the Real Cloud’s mentality more. 

Long story short, Tifa was the one who gave mental health support the most to Cloud, followed by Vincent (AC), Biggs and Marle. Aerith did the worst with Real Cloud's mentality + she then died, mking Cloud be more miserable,

However, Aerith actually had the best way to give MFA/PFA to children, but maybe the worst to Cloud. While Tifa gave the best MFA to Cloud which helped him to get himself together through out the entire time

Alright thats the end of my talk. Thank you for being with meee

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #cloud strife #character analysis #final fantasy theory #advent children

[septembercfawkes]

When to "Tell" Emotions

Over the years, I've written a lot of posts about emotions, how to get them on the page, how to get them in the reader, how strong they should be and when, and so on. Writing an emotionally powerful story is super important, but honestly, other than Angela and Becca at Writers Helping Writers, I don't see a ton of solid advice on how to actually infuse your story with it.

In the past, I've talked about how one of the most important things is to create an empathetic experience in the reader, so they feel like they are experiencing those emotions instead of just reading about them. This is equivalent to the "Show, don't Tell" rule, even if "showing" emotions, is often less about describing them, and more about describing what causes them and/or getting into the deepest POV penetration available.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that usually if you want to have your audience have a very powerful emotional experience, you write in a way that allows them to vicariously feel those emotions, rather than just "telling" the audience what emotions were felt (i.e. Patricia was sad).

However, like the traditional "Show, don't Tell" rule, if you never "tell" the audience what emotions characters are feeling, you run into some problems. So today, I want to talk about when you should absolutely consider simply telling the audience your characters' emotions, or at least simply demonstrating them in a short amount of space.

1. It's Important for the Audience to Know the Emotion, but Not Necessarily to Experience it.

Sure, for a powerful story, we want our audience to experience the same emotions as our protagonist (usually). If a character is devastated, we want our audience to feel devastated.

But sometimes the point isn't to experience the emotion. Sometimes the point is just to know about it.

I've used this example elsewhere, but in The Hunger Games, after Katniss shoots the apple out of the pig's mouth, Collins writes something like, "I cried about it all afternoon." In that instance, it's not important that the audience feels like crying. It's just helpful to know that Katniss did.

Not all of the protagonist's emotions will be important enough to experience. Some of them are just important to know.

2. Pacing

If Collins had instead tried to write a whole passage to elicit those feelings in the audience, it would have taken up a lot more space, and therefore would have slowed the story's overall pacing. Sometimes pacing is more important than feelings (especially if you are going so slow that the audience doesn't feel the intended feelings anyway because they are yawning).

With that said though, depending on the setup of the scene, you can sometimes elicit emotion in very few words. Other times? Well, it might be best to just say "I cried about it all afternoon."

3. Emotional Context

Context is the stuff that helps us accurately interpret and understand what's going on in the story. Usually, the viewpoint character provides the audience with needed context.

In some passages, the audience needs emotional context to properly interpret the narrative. This may be especially true of speculative fiction, where the audience may be encountering other worlds, cultures, and customs. For example, when Harry sees someone walk out of a picture frame for the first time in the Wizarding World, he looks to Ron in surprise. Ron says, unconcerned, "Well, you can't expect him to hang around all day." Ron's nonchalance clues us into the fact that this is normal for the Wizarding World (while Harry's surprise validates our own).

In similar ways, your viewpoint character's emotions may provide context for how readers are supposed to view the world and certain situations. A lot of times, the best way to get this across, is to just tell us straight out what the character is feeling, rather than try to get the audience to feel that way (which would be extremely difficult if the subject matter was otherworldly).

4. Emotional Validation

In the last example, I mentioned that Harry's surprise validates our own. If Harry wasn't surprised, we'd probably think he was odd, or maybe that there is something wrong with us for having that response.

Sometimes you need to simply address and tell emotions in order to validate the audience's. If something really terrifying happens, and the viewpoint character or protagonist doesn't show any sign of emotion, we might be left scratching our heads. Were they terrified? Is there something wrong with them? Did we misunderstand how that passage should be read?

Validation and context often interrelate. You can learn more about validating the audience here.

5. Hooks

Sometimes the best hooks address emotions directly. Something like, "When William went to sleep last night, he hadn't expected to wake up in terror," can have readers drooling to read on. Or perhaps, "As Emily stared into Jack's eyes, she thought this must be what it felt like to fall in love with a villain." Or maybe, "Clark walked into his mother's motor home and was shocked." Whatever the case, labeling an emotion can be a great hook.

6. To Cut Back Overpowering Emotions

In some cases, you might elicit emotions so powerfully, that it's simply too much. It's possible to write too strong of a scene. In situations like that, simply telling an emotion can weaken it enough to make it digestible for the audience.

So there you have it, six instances where you don't necessarily want the audience to feel empathetic emotions.

#writing tips #writing tip #writing tips and tricks #writingtips #writeblr #writing help #writing helps #writing advice #writing reference #writing emotion #emotion #fanfic #fanfiction

[ibijau]

What would happen in Petrichor au! If lxc wake up first?

Petrichor

Honestly, since the entire fic rest on the misunderstanding, it would just... be a completely different story. I think a lot would change (starting with whether nmj would still die? would nhs be targeted as well? jgs might not like the idea of nhs becoming sect leader after his brother after all, not when he’s married to lxc and that would bring so much power into one couple, which jgs wouldn’t like especially if xisang is known to get along particularly well!)

anyway, for now: lxc waking up first

warning for: discussion of dubious consent due to alcohol in one case, altered mind state in the other

What awoke Lan Xichen was a mix of pleasant warmth starting to become too hot, and unfamiliar aches. Both could easily be explained by the presence of a body plastered against his, its arms wrapped around his waist. His eyes still closed, Lan Xichen tried to make sense of the situation.

There was no pretending that the night had been anything but what it had been. Lan Xichen’s lower back felt tender, more so than after relieving himself during a heat. He could still feel delicate hands grasping his hips hard, kisses and bites on his skin and… all of this with a stranger whose face and name he didn’t know. The man, the boy with whom he had laid hadn’t even said a word to him. The more he thought about it, the more Lan Xichen felt ashamed. He had always prided himself in being less emotional than other omegas, in not being a slave to his body’s urges, and yet he’d gone and done something like this.

Opening his eyes at last, Lan Xichen looked down at the boy whose face was pressed against his chest, and who now seemed to be waking up as well. His features were half hidden under hair that had come loose during their activities, but what little Lan Xichen could see was unsettlingly familiar.

His hands trembled as he lifted the strands of hair that covered that face, and gasped as a pair of sleepy but familiar eyes met his own.

Nie Huaisang cried out as if he were being gutted and tore himself from Lan Xichen, shuffling away until his back hit the wall. He looked absolutely terrified. Not without reason, Lan Xichen thought, because…

“Mingjue is going to kill me,” they realised at the same time.

Having said this at one, they stared at each other. Nie Huaisang was so afraid that Lan Xichen could smell it in the air, although that made little sense. If anyone was at fault for what had happened it was Lan Xichen himself. Even alcohol couldn’t excuse taking advantage of someone’s rut the way he had, and if he tried to explain that he hadn’t even known who was with him, it would only make things worse. Nie Mingjue would never forgive this once he heard about this.

If he heard about this.

It was only too obvious that Nie Huaisang also feared the consequences of this night, so perhaps they might… keep it to themselves, Lan Xichen realised. There were ways to make sure a pregnancy was avoided after all, and outside of a heat the chances were low to begin with. He did not like dissimulation, but between this and exposing himself to Nie Mingjue’s rightful fury...

Nie Huaisang cried out, and pressed one hand against his mouth, the other pointing at Lan Xichen.

“Xichen, your neck!” he gasped, turning paler than a corpse.

Lan Xichen closed his eyes, and brought up one hand to his scent gland, sighing when he felt the indents left by a bite.

This made the situation more complicated than it already was.

Yet in some ways, it also made it a lot simpler. There could be not hiding, no pretending that the night had not happened. Since Nie Huaisang had marked him, they would need to marry, there was no other choice.

It was not what Lan Xichen would have aimed for if he had been thinking of looking for a mate, but he could make that work. The elders wouldn’t like it, but they never liked anything anyway. Lan Qiren would be absolutely furious of course and would accuse him of walking in his father’s footsteps, but at least his mistake would bring an alliance with Qinghe Nie. 

“I’m sorry!” Nie Huaisang cried out. “I’m sorry, I swear I didn’t mean… I swear if I had known it was you, I’d never have… I’m sorry!”

Alerted by his tone and the ever increasing stink of terror, Lan Xichen opened his eyes. Nie Huaisang was on the verge of tears and shaking like a leaf. It was hard, really, to accept that he had suddenly presented as an alpha. Not only was he a little old for that, but if Lan Xichen had been told the other boy would present late, he would have assumed it would be as an omega.

They were going to look ridiculous together, Lan Xichen realised, an omega taller than most alphas and an alpha smaller than many omegas.

The thought fled his mind when Nie Huaisang’s tears started spilling. It would have been unpleasant to see him so distressed even before this incident, but suddenly the newly created bond between them tugged at Lan Xichen’s heart. His alpha was scared of him, he realised, and that was wrong.

“Huaisang, it’s okay,” he whispered, shuffling closer. “I’m not angry.”

“But I did this!” Nie Huaisang cried out, pointing at his neck. “I did this, I took you by force and Mingjue’s going to kill me, and if he doesn’t your brother will, or your uncle, or…”

“Nobody will harm you,” Lan Xichen cut him, carefully putting one hand on the other boy’s cheek. Nie Huaisang flinched and trembled at the touch, but did not push him away. “I will not let them harm you,” Lan Xichen promised. “You’re mine now, and I’m yours. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Nie Huaisang sobbed loudly, but already his tears were thinning, calmed either by Lan Xichen’s words or by his touch.

“But I’ve… you should hate me, I’ve… I’ve…”

“Huaisang, even in rut, you think I couldn’t have stopped you if I had wanted to?” Lan Xichen asked. “You did not force me. If anything, it could be argued I took advantage. You were in an altered state, you did not know who was with you… I’m sorry. I’m probably not the omega you’d have chosen if you could have.”

“Anyone would be honoured to have you as their mate!” Nie Huaisang objected, his indignation so strong that he stopped crying entirely. “If someone finds something wrong with you, they’re an idiot! I… I know I’m probably not what you’d have wanted, but…”

“You’ll do just fine,” Lan Xichen assured him, feeling himself flush at that earnest defence. He still thought they would look ridiculous side by side, but… it was already starting not to matter too much. “At least, we know we get along, right? And your brother might be upset, but… he’ll be so happy that you presented as an alpha, he’s sure to forgive us this little… misstep.”

“Oh, right,” Nie Huaisang mumbled, miserable once more. “He’ll know about that too. I’ve really messed up… He’s going to make me train so hard now…”

“Only until we marry and you come to the Cloud Recesses.”

It was not an unpleasant idea. Lan Xichen did like Nie Huaisang, even if he’d never have considered him as an option to become his cultivation partner. In his position, he knew he needed to marry an alpha and until last night, Nie Huaisang hadn’t been one. But still he’d had a certain fondness for his best friend’s little brother, born too soft and mischievous in a sect that valued strength and straightforwardness. 

What had happened the night before had been a mistake, and they were both guilty, but… the more he thought about it, the less remorse Lan Xichen felt.

They would make this work, and with some luck, they might even get to enjoy it.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #abo #jau writes #y'all need to stop making me want to start new long fics #between this and the de-aged lxc I'm fighting temptation #Anonymous

[kingreywrites]

What obstacles fate may bring

Fandom: Tangled

Words count: 3326

New Dream Appreciation Week Day Five: Proposal

Summary: "I can't believe it," Rapunzel groaned, taking his hand to press it against her face, probably to feel the coolness of his ring against her skin. "I can't believe- this must be a curse. We're cursed, Eugene, cursed to never have a normal engagement."

"We're not cursed," he chuckled, ignoring her glare. "The doctor said it might not be permanent."

Read on ao3

@our-newdream

Eugene knocked softly on the door of Rapunzel's bedroom, more to warn her that he was coming than anything else. Actually, it was their bedroom now, he remembered with a goofy smiled, that immediately abated at the sight he was met with. The bedroom was completely dark which, these last days, wasn't unusual - with her headaches, Rapunzel was uncomfortable if it was too brightly lit. Considering her previous relationship with the sun, it was quite ironic, but she was too miserable and she missed seeing the sky too much for Eugene to even joke about it. No, what was unusual today was the fact that Rapunzel was not only laying on her bed, but was actively trying to choke herself with a pillow while Pascal squeaked comfortingly next to her ear.

"You okay Sunshine?" Eugene asked softly, knowing that loud sounds could also hurt her.

She moaned something unintelligible under her pillow and he frowned, unsure if she was sad or actually hurting. He went to sit next to her quickly, his hand going to her shoulder.

"Does your head hurt?" He might have sounded a tiny bit more panicked than he originally wanted, but who could blame him? Some days ago, his fiancee had hurt her head so bad that she hadn't woken up for twenty-four horrible hours. Rapunzel must have heard the genuine worry in his voice because she moved the pillow down, just enough for her forlorn eyes to appear.

"It's not that," she finally mumbled, "my head doesn't hurt that much anymore."

Eugene smiled but kept in a corner of his head the fact that it still hurt, even if it was a little bit. He wasn't taking any risks with that - he'd have to ask the physician about it. Said physician might end up asking for a restraining order in return, since Eugene might have harassed him a little the last four days but, joke's on him, Eugene was also the guy that managed restraining orders - plus, it was about the Princess' health, so he was right to go overboard.

Rapunzel stayed silent but, even in the darkness, Eugene could still feel the sadness she exuded. He glanced at Pascal but the frog was apparently as lost as he was, so he'd have to wait for Rapunzel to actually say it.

Or he could ask. He wasn't a patient man when it came to the health of the love of his life.

"Rapunzel, what's wrong?"

She sighed, pressing harder against the pillow as she lowered her eyes. "I'm cursed."

"Cursed? Sunshine, we talked-"

"No, I know, it's not a real curse, it's just… It feels like a curse," she bit out. Blindly, her hand seeked his and he was happy to help her find it, until she yanked it in front of her face without a warning. His yelp didn't faze her at all; she was too busy staring at his engagement ring.

Ah. Eugene understood, suddenly, what was the problem.

To be precise, it all started two weeks ago, on Rapunzel's birthday. It had been one of the best day of Eugene's life because he had proposed to the love of his life, and she had said yes, and honestly his heart still hadn't recovered from the sheer emotion he had felt that day. They had spent… an interesting night, to say the least, and Eugene discovered next morning that waking up in the same bed as Rapunzel was one of the greatest gift in life.

So, all in all, it sounded perfect. And it was perfect, really - they went to announce it to her parents, who were ecstatic and, together, they agreed to wait a little before telling the whole kingdom about it. At first, it had been Rapunzel who asked, because she wanted Cassandra to hear it from her first, and, for them to be sure that it was the case, they had to wait until they received the dragon lady's answer. Eugene hadn't minded at all, really, he was even quite glad for the relative privacy - and he took the opportunity to write to his father, so he'd be the first to tell him too.

So, how did it all go wrong? Well, considering that the Coronans didn't know about the engagement, they had started getting down the decorations they had put up for Rapunzel's birthday. Feeling a little bad that it would be tidied up only for them to send everyone into a frenzy again with their engagement, Eugene and Rapunzel decided to help clean up the decorations. Between chatting with citizens and going where they were needed, they had gotten a little separated during the day, which wasn't that unusual.

What had been unusual were the screams.

Immediately alert, Eugene had run toward the noise, not letting himself panic even when cries about the Princess had reached his ears. He hadn't asked to be let through but had been anyway, and then, the only thing he had managed to see was Rapunzel's prone form, and the blood coming from her head. The rest was a blur, honestly - he remembered going to her, remembered whistling for Max, remembered giving orders to panicked citizens with a calm his heart certainly didn't feel, and remembered rushing toward the castle… But it was all disjointed and out of focus, his memories tainted by his terror. He remembered the next twenty-four hours, remembered how scared he had been, how tightly he had held her hand, how long he had trembled with nervousness and exhaustion.

Honestly, he didn't care about much else than her well-being after that. He knew that she didn't share his opinion on the matter, but he wouldn't budge on it - she was alright, and the rest could be fixed easily enough.

"I can't believe it," Rapunzel groaned, taking his hand to press it against her face, probably to feel the coolness of his ring against her skin. "I can't believe- this must be a curse. We're cursed, Eugene, cursed to never have a normal engagement."

"We're not cursed," he chuckled, ignoring her glare. "The doctor said it might not be permanent."

"Might," she grumbled, "I still can't believe it. I can't believe I forgot our engagement."

"You had a serious head injury that resulted in a case of retrograde amnesia that made you forget the last three weeks," Eugene recited dutifully, in the exact same tone as Rapunzel's physician. "It's not your fault," he added, "and I'm very happy that it was the worse thing that came out of this. You scared me, you know."

Maybe his voice was hoarser than he had intended - maybe he was more vulnerable than he wished to be, but it was true. He had been scared, terrified that this was the end of their journey together and for what? A little fall? Rapunzel couldn't have survived their crazy adventures for her to… to… die like this. He remembered how happy he had been when she finally woke up, confused and bleary-eyes but thankfully okay - and, at this moment, every carefully constructed rants about climbing building without protection dissolved on his tongue, not important anymore. Nothing was more important than her, and if the engagement had been one of the greatest day of his life, Rapunzel was his life, easy as that.

"It seemed so beautiful," Rapunzel whispered wistfully, still holding his hand absentely while his other one was busy making circles on her shoulder. "I've seen it drawn in my journal-"

"How did you-"

"-that my mom brought to me because I'm under strict orders to not get out of bed," she answered without missing a beat. "Past me wrote detailed annotations, and drew it from multiple angles, and I- I just-"

"Hey," Eugene whispered, stroking her face as he snuggled next to her. "If you want, we can take our rings off and redo the whole proposal all over again once you're on your feet. Sure, it won't be your birthday, but you know Coronans - they'll be happy to have a second lantern ceremony! The cupcake won't be a surprise anymore, but-"

"That's not the same though," Rapunzel mumbled, closing her eyes. She looked exhausted, and probably was since she was still recovering from her concussion. "If I could just remember it, then…"

"Rapunzel," he said tenderly, kissing her cheek quickly in the hope to cheer her up. "if you want, I can propose to you a million times in a million of different ways. What's the most important to me is that you're fine because that's the only thing needed for us to make new memories. I want to make new memories with you all my life," he insisted, pushing a strand of her hair from her face, meeting her shining eyes.

She exhaled shakily, both emotional and in pain. "You're right, I'm sorry..."

"I- no, Sunshine, you have every right to be upset," Eugene rectified softly, seeing that she was getting too tired for the conversation - but it was important she understood. "You lost an important memory, anyone would feel bad about it. I would whine myself into oblivion in your situation," he smiled, drawing a laugh from her, "and you'd be the one to tell me that my health was the most important thing."

Rapunzel hummed, closing her eyes again, for longer this time. She would probably fall back asleep soon - and, as much as she missed going outside, rest was an important part of her recovery.

"As long as we're both okay, we can fix this," was the last thing she mumbled, before she fell asleep. She barely felt Eugene kiss her forehead as he fixed her blanket, leaving her with Pascal as her devoted guard, while he went to harass the physician some more.

-----

"Rapunzel?" Eugene called, pushing open the door of their bedroom, who was back to being sunny and brightly lit - once the sun stopped giving her headaches, it seemed that Rapunzel decided the window needed to be wide open all the time. However, right now, it was closed, and Rapunzel wasn't here.

Sighing, he went to sit on the windowsill, knowing that she would come at some point - until he saw a little note taped to the pane. It was undoubtedly Rapunzel's writing, punctuated with little hearts and a doodle of them kissing. (Eugene never managed to get rid of the notes. He loved them too much, and he had boxes full of them because Rapunzel wrote hundred of them that she always always personalised. Yes, he also re-read the notes quite often, because he was a sap and he loved her.) He took the note down carefully and started to read it, a little worried about her whereabouts.

Eugene,

I have a surprise for you! Go see Max and he'll know where to take you!

Love,

Rapunzel.

Eugene frowned, immediately worried, because it might be sweet but Rapunzel was barely out of bedrest, a week and a half after her accident. If she was all alone, who knew what- oh, there was writing on the other side too.

PS,

I know you're probably worrying about me already, but I asked the physician and my parents about it and they said yes! I have Pascal and Fidella with me, plus you and Maximus coming, plus a lot of people knowing where to come find me if we're not back in two hours. Now go see Max! I love you!

Well, what could he answer to that? He shook his head, smiling, and put the note on his nightstand, before going to see Max immediately. He wanted to leave her alone as little as was possible, uncomfortably aware of what happened the last time he did, and, seeing that Max was ready and eager to leave, it was apparently a shared sentiment. Eugene tried hard not to stifle her too much, because he knew that wasn't what she needed, but sometimes he wanted to bundle her up in blankets to be sure that she would always be safe. He didn't know what he would do if she wasn't.

Max led him through the forest surrounding Corona, looking proud and sure of himself when Eugene wondered where exactly Rapunzel intended to meet him. Why would it need to be so far away from home? Though, now that he was paying attention, it felt like he recognized some of the landmarks - it has been a long time since he really strolled through the forest but that tree looked sort of familiar, didn't it?

Maximus neighed, startling Eugene as his friend took a sharp corner and suddenly, there Rapunzel was, sitting on a fallen over tree in front of a campfire. Eugene dismounted Max absentely, his breath caught in his throat as the flames illuminated Rapunzel's face wonderfully - it wasn't even that dark outside but she was still glowing, her brown hair taking a fiery orange aspect which made her green eyes pop even more than usual.

"I remember this place," he said, chest warm as she nodded a little too excitedly - he could see that she was trying hard to stay seated, despite the nervous energy coursing through her.

Of course he remembered. For anyone else, this place was nothing more than another uninteresting spot of the forest, but for them both, this was where they made a campfire the day they met. It was where Rapunzel trusted him with her biggest secret, and healed his hand; it was where he trusted her with his biggest secret, and told the story of Eugene Fitzherbert the orphan.

It was where they both discovered and accepted each other for who they were, no pretense needed. He could never forget it.

Eugene went to sit beside Rapunzel, like they did that first day. Maximus made himself scarce, probably meeting with Pascal and Fidella somewhere, but Eugene paid him no mind. He only had eyes for Rapunzel - for the obvious joy in her own, the blush on her cheeks, her wonderful smile, and everything that made her the love of his life.

"Hi," he breathed.

"Hi," she laughed, eyes shining. "Do you like it?"

Eugene had been too taken with her to notice the other decorations she had set up around the campfire. There were flowers all around them, and a basket full of what seemed to be delicious sweets.

"I love it," he answered, his eyes not leaving hers as he took her hands in his. "But, though I'm not complaining, I'm wondering why you decided to come here today."

"Remember the letters Cass sent?" Rapunzel asked, apparently out of the blue.

Eugene frowned, puzzled, but nodded because, seriously, how could he forget? They had to send Cassandra another letter informing her of what happened to Rapunzel - and that their engagement was put on the backburner until she was recovered enough and, hopefully, got her memories back. Rapunzel hadn't recovered her memories as of now. However, they had received a response from Cassandra some days later. Yes, they had received something because, for the first time since she left, Cassandra addressed a letter to Eugene specifically, instead of making snide remarks in the ones she regularly wrote to Rapunzel.

Of course, when Eugene opened it, it was to discover that there wasn't a message, really - she had only wrote "ahahaha" on the whole page, mocking him from across the country for yet another obstacle coming in between him and Rapunzel being engaged. Oh, Rapunzel's letter had been "very sweet" and "full of empathy", his fiancee's words not his, but Eugene didn't believe Cassandra was capable of those things. (He still kept the letter. Bitterly, but he kept it.)

"Well," Rapunzel said when he nodded, "I asked her for advice on something-"

"And she told you to break up with me."

"No! I mean, yes," Rapunzel laughed as Eugene gave her an 'I told you so' look, "she did say that but she also added good advice. She told me that I needed to be blunt, and fix what I wanted to fix instead of dwelling forever on it."

"Fix?" Eugene echoed, suddenly worried - what would Rapunzel need to fix between them? He didn't think he had done something particularly wrong lately, except maybe be a little of a mother-hen because of her injury, but he couldn't help it! He tried hard to let her breathe but he was scared and-

Before he could continue his train of thought, Rapunzel got up, making him follow her movement gently. He opened his mouth, ready to ask her for clarifications, but she didn't leave him the chance.

Rapunzel went down on one knee and all the air left Eugene's lungs, his heart beating louder in his chest.

"This is me, fixing what is bothering me," Rapunzel beamed, her eyes shining. "You were right, Eugene - what matters most to me is that we're able to make new memories together, for all our lives. But we lived through so many moments together, and I treasure every one of them, because I treasure my time with you more than anything else in the world."

"Sunshine," Eugene breathed, unable to voice exactly just how much he loved her. He didn't think words were enough to describe the warmth in his chest overwhelming his senses, making his eyes water from sheer emotion as Rapunzel kept talking.

"This place… This campfire, that was the first time you let me in. This was the moment I really met you, Eugene Fitzherbert, my new dream even if I didn't know it quite yet. You make my life better, and brighter, and I feel so lucky to have you at my side no matter what."

"I'm lucky too," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion, "the luckiest man on Earth."

Rapunzel grinned and, carefully, she took his ring off his finger. "I know you've already done this… and that taking the ring from you may seem counterintuitive, but-" She took a deep breath, still on her knee, now holding his ring between her fingers, her own ring shining thanks to the fire's glow. "- Eugene Fitzherbert, will you marry me?"

"Yes," he answered, too quickly perhaps as he lowered himself and put his arms under hers, lifting her up in a hug. "Of course it's yes," he laughed, and she laughed too - he could feel her smiling against his neck and he never wanted to let her go. "It's always yes."

She moved her head back a little, to be able to look into his eyes. They were both breathless and grinning, cheeks hurting and an never-ending fondness that they didn't bother containing. Their lips met, almost against their will, love pulling them together like gravity.

They breathed, and Rapunzel took the opportunity to slid Eugene's ring back on his finger - which meant he had to kiss her again, because she was his everything and she wanted him to be hers, for their whole lives.

"Let's hope," she murmured after some time, "that our curse is over."

"Not a curse."

"Uh-uh. But let's hope, anyway."

"No more moonstone related incidents," Eugene suggested.

"No more retrograde amnesia," Rapunzel added.

"Sounds good to me," Eugene grinned, before kissing her again - he was certainly lucky. Who had the chance to be engaged twice to the most perfect woman in the universe?

Only him.

(They went back home to announce the engagement a second time to Rapunzel's parents, who were, incredibly enough, as excited as the first time. Rapunzel had to send another letter to Cassandra, to Eugene's despair - she would never let him live it down.

Some days later, Rapunzel pounced on him, startling him awake at an unlawful hour. He didn't complain, though; not when he saw the absolute delight on her face as she announced excitedly that she finally remembered their first engagement. One more than necessary, sure, but when had they ever done something the usual way?

Plus, twice the engagement meant twice the celebration, and Eugene was happy to provide.)

#the plot may be a tad... convoluted yes #I just want as many proposals as possible #and I struggled so much to write this that I hope you will like it anyway lol #tangled #New Dream Appreciation Week #Eugene Fitzherbert #Rapunzel #New Dream