in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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To lovely humans who were excluded from invitations, left behind when they tied their shoes, forced to walk in the grass when the sidewalk was full, spoken over when you tried to contribute, whispered about or laughed at, given side-eye when you tried to fit in.... you are so worthy of love.
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Reaper is everything.
The respect he had for the other tributes. The grave he made for the fallen tributes. He was completely exposed and could have been killed by anyone, but recognizing those kids and respecting them the way they deserve was more important to him. The way he tore down the symbol of the government that was supposed to protect them, and used it to cover the bodies of the kids it failed so badly. His calm demeanor. The love he had for his sick and fragile district partner. The love he had for Wovey. The way he protected those gentle souls the best he could. He didn't even try to fight. He knew he wasn't going to kill any of these kids. He's the original revolution. He wasn't going to play the capitol's games. He didn't let them turn him into something he's not. He is everything good.
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Ok it turns out I ain't fucking finished here because it seems like everyone has stopped fucking talking about how @predstrogen @predesterone literally faced targeted harassment from terfs, nazis and the lolcow forms for YEARS to the point of her having to remake multiple times because she kept getting deleted due to mass report spamming and no matter how much she reached out to staff to ask them to help her they NEVER FUCKING LISTENED, then to further rub salt in the wound the ceo decided to personally delete @predesterone and ban her from tumblr for life just because Rita made a joke post wishing that the ceo would die in a car hammer explosion, then despite Avery not being on tumblr anymore the ceo took it upon himself to personally stalk her to twitter and breach data protection laws by revealing a bunch of blank blogs Avery had for shits and giggles just so he could keep personally harassing her, all this just for people to turn Avery's multiple year long harassment into "Ha ha another social media ceo had a meltdown!!! XDDDD" "CAR HAMMER EXPLOSION!!! XDDD", none of you actually care about the suffering of trans women and it fucking shows, you all make me feel sick!!!
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it’s very easy to tell the good satires and pastiches from the bad ones because the bad ones are too afraid to live within the form. like if you are doing work with fairy tales and you are refusing to look closer at the underlying logic and unspoken rules of what can seem at first to be a senseless form, you are not going to create meaningful work. to borrow a turn of phrase originally used by maria tatar, if you refuse to enter “the house of fairy tale” as anything more than a gawking tourist, you will miss the particular order to the way the table is set, the rooms that are locked vs the rooms that are simply difficult to enter, the set of the floorboards and the position of the furniture. whatever you build will then be a gilded imitation of how you believe the house of fairy tale ought to look, the table set according to your educated specifications and every door open. there can be no interrogation of themes from a writer who views the form as beneath them!
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to the end of the earth. i will argue that percy's first kiss was with annabeth chase. this is not rachel slander. i love that green-eyed redhead. but percy did not kiss rachel in the last olympian. he got kissed. percy did not kiss annabeth in the battle of the labyrinth. he got kissed. that's not a technicality. it's fact because both kisses happened to him. he did not consciously engage in any kiss until he was with annabeth after his birthday. and i will die on this hill.
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