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schmergo · 2 years

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I am just wondering about the sustainability of... doing basically anything around here. Companies are requiring employees to return to work (in many cases, eliminating telework options that existed PRE-pandemic), mask and vaccine mandates are being rolled back, and everything’s open again despite high COVID numbers.

But at the same time, recent studies show that up to 1 in 5 adult COVID survivors develops symptoms of Long Covid. That’s possibly millions of people developing chronic illness symptoms. That sounds difficult for both the healthcare system to manage AND to have any kind of steady, reliable, functional workplace if your coworkers keep being absent due to sickness and then developing long-lasting symptoms after they return (or quitting due to them).

Even for younger people, for whom it’s often not as bad, I’m seeing so many people get hit with post-viral fatigue and other symptoms lingering for a month or more that remind me a lot of mono. Imagine that like half of your friend group had mono... but unlike mono, kept getting infected again and again (I know many fully vaxxed and boosted people who’ve had COVID multiple times due to different variants). People who have always been super healthy and fit getting exhausted easily or developing new daily headaches who never had them before, struggling with ‘brain fog’ making it difficult to work. These are the young, fit ones.

If there are NO mitigation measures in place and we’re just expected to accept that we’re “all going to get COVID sooner or later,” that ignores the fact that people can get it again and again as each new variant arises and immunity wanes. Because everyone seems to agree that COVID isn’t going away but will just continue to mutate and change into new variants, this seems pretty risky, constantly rolling the dice on getting a virus that may cause LASTING health problems in 20% of people. Especially since so many jobs provide little to no health benefits and super low salaries, basically keeping people from effectively managing chronic illnesses that require frequent absences and medical appointments. I guess they think workers are replaceable, but how long before they burn through the supply?

But on the other hand, it’s also not sustainable to just stay in your room with no human contact for the entire rest of your life. I was super cautious for the first 2 years of the pandemic and now I’m finally doing indoor socialization with vaccinated friends and family again (though still not going into indoor public places like restaurants or movie theatres and still order things online rather than going into stores) because if things are never going to get any better, I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I guess I would rather develop lifelong chronic illness from making lifelong memories celebrating Christmas with my family than running errands at Home Depot.

I genuinely don’t know how long all of this is going to last before the widespread infections and chronic symptoms really start messing with... any industry you can possibly imagine. It seems like everyone is experiencing labor shortages already, and that’s only going to grow from here. Yet it’s hard to find anyone caring even a LITTLE about this. I can’t even talk to friends and loved ones about this because they just start trying to comfort me with the bright side of the COVID situation (”Omicron is less deadly! More people are vaccinated now! The chances of young people dying are vanishingly small!”), when those aren’t the things I’m worried about at all.

When I was 23, something weird happened to my body and I can’t quite say exactly what caused it, because it was a perfect storm. I worked a busy, stressful, physically demanding job at a preschool, and I was working about 10-12 hours a day because I was covering a boss on paternity leave. It was a cold, dark, snowy winter and due to the long work hours, I virtually never saw the sun, so it’s possible a Vitamin D deficiency played a role here, or psychosomatic symptoms caused by stress and anxiety, or just plain old repetitive strain on my body from the long hours. I was also diagnosed with a mild underlying condition during all this-- what is now known as Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder. I’ve always had loose, overly flexible joints, but it never caused me serious problems, just made it a little easier for me to get injured than other people and meant I got worn out a little more easily. Things were never bad enough for me to seek treatment until what happened to me that winter, and have never been as bad since.

But it all started with a cold. A weird bad cold that started like any other cold (and lord knows I was always getting colds working at the preschool) but quickly involved joint pain and weakness and tingly numbness in my hands and wrists, then spreading to the rest of my body over the course of a few weeks. I was so fatigued that all I could do after work was lie in bed. I could hardly make it through the work day. My whole body ached and I could barely do anything without exacerbating my constant pain.

I thought I must have mono. I tested negative for that and 11 other things. The only thing I was diagnosed with during my Extensive, Expensive Journey was hypermobility. My doctor said, “It’s probably just a virus,” which could mean anything. But I felt like a ghost of my former self for about 4 months and still had lingering symptoms for almost a year. Things went downhill so fast that I remember looking at a photo of myself doing a cartwheel two months before and crying because I couldn’t imagine ever doing a cartwheel again (which fortunately wasn’t true-- I have no problem doing cartwheels now at age 30). I eventually quit that job and got a less physically demanding office job. The symptoms never came back to the same degree, and I’ll never know what really caused it, but it wouldn’t surprise me if some kind of post-viral malaise played a role there. Even little colds can set off all kinds of storms, let alone a new virus.

When I hear about people with Long COVID, I imagine a workforce full of people who feel the way I felt when I was 23. Can you? I’m not proposing any kind of solution here or saying, “Here’s what I think people should do about it,” so I’m sorry for the gloomy post, but when people ask me why I’m still worried about COVID-19 after all of this time and my multiple vaccinations... this is why.

#COVID #COVID-19 #health

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purpleyellow · 3 years

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Industry (un)locked

Seventeen 14th member

Hayun’s masterlist

“The interview that never got posted”

Requested by: anon

disclaimer? I’m obviously not an idol nor have any relation to the kpop industry. all of this is purely made up :) idk if this was needed but its here just in case

a/n: Feel free to share your thoughts with me. Requests are open! 💙

*italics represents actions*bold and italic is the person leading the interview*

Hayun steps inside the white studio and heads to the chair in front of all the cameras. She signalizes with a thumbs up to the producers that they're good to start.

“Kim Hayun. Born on June 15th, 1996. Debuted on May 26th, 2015. Current member of co-ed group Seventeen”.

“That's me” Hayun points at herself and then at the camera, making finger guns and getting some staff members to laugh.

“We'd like to remind you that whatever is said inside this room is fully confidential, so you may speak as much as you want to and as freely as you can”

“Well, I like to talk a lot, so you might regret telling me that”

“Simple question to get started, if you could go back and meet fifteen/sixteen-year-old Hayun, would you talk her out of being an idol or encourage her to do so”

“That's not a simple question, and you know it” Hayun laughs getting herself comfortable on the high chair. “I remember as a kid always asking for my parents to give me siblings, and especially missing them as I grew a bit older and didn't have anyone to keep me company after school. You can say being around people my age, or anyone who I can connect with is my number one source of energy. So I would encourage her to do it, because I know she really needs the thirteen brothers she's getting after that. But maybe I'd tell her she's not the amazing inspiring celebrity she thinks she is”.

“What would you say your relationship with Pledis Entertainment has been like, since you joined the company to now?”

“You're sure this isn't going to get leaked, right? The trainee period sucks for everyone, you have to dedicate a lot of time, energy, and discipline in order to be able to reach this insanely high standards. And I guess we're all aware of how though Pledis is with their trainees, so it's safe to say I didn't have much in me back then to develop any kind of relation with the higher ups. I do remember they used to decide most things behind my back. Like one day I arrived at the building and the CEO said 'You're moving to the Pledis Boys side' which was fine, but I could have used that information a few days prior or something. And even after that, when I brought something up to them, they would tell me they would think about the topic. And if they ever decided something, they would set one of the boys aside and tell them what they decided, so that boy could come and tell me”.

“That got better over time, though there's this weird relation between the group and the company, where we're completely free when it comes to the creative side of business. Yet the moment something more serious needs to be decided it's like they forget who makes up Seventeen. I understand from a corporate point off view they can't have a bunch of random kids in their 20s deciding what to do on a crisis. But they also can't push aside what Seventeen's message is and the picture we're trying to create. At the end of the day, I can't shake off the feeling that inside those big offices, some of those men only see us as a product they're trying to sell”.

“Would you think of leaving Pledis Entertainment?”

“I'm staying wherever the boys are, I don't really care where that is”

“How do you deal with hate?”

“Nowadays I'm one of that kind of people who simply doesn't care. After being bombarded with hundreds of comments from people who didn't know me but shared an opinion on where I should be and what kind of behavior I should have, I learned how to ignore everything and not engage in any conversation surrounding my work. That sucks, because I also don't have access to most of the nice and constructive things people say about me. But honestly it's something I decided to let go after I realized that negativity was getting in the way of how I communicated with other people, and how I saw myself as someone who always had to prove being better at something”.

“So you don't read what's being said about you online?”

“Most things I don't. I usually engage in conversations on Weverse which is slightly more controlled, and sometimes the boys show me some nice comments left on YouTube videos. Besides looking at cat videos, I'm pretty much dissociated with most social media”.

“Do you think that's something being an idol took away from you, or were you never that into technology?”.

“It's definitely something I had to adapt to due to being on the spotlight. As a kid I always enjoyed going on random spaces and making online friends, even if we only talked to each other once and that was it.”

“You don't look for what people have to say about you. But do you ever feel like you're not totally free to do whatever you want?”

“Honestly, yes. There's always going to have that little voice in the back of my head telling me how many young adults and even children are watching me and by association I'm helping them form their own view of the world. That's pretty scary to be honest because who am I? You know? Sometimes I want to do dumb things and less frequently I simply do dumb things because what there is to lose? But if a child comes and asks to do the same things I want to, I'll tell them no, because their life is too precious for me to let them do reckless activities”.

“What kid of dumb things are you talking about?”

“Sometimes I wake up and feel like bungee jumping. Or like, taking my car and driving without any coordinates for a really long period of time. Getting really drunk and smashing some plates around. Trying out parkour and busting my knees up because I don't know how to do that. I guess the best way to describe it being random rather than dumb”.

“So you're scared of what people might think of doing after you grant your personal wishes?”.

“I guess so. Since I'm not a parent, I shouldn't take responsibility over what others think and do. But part of me will always think about those kids alone in their homes, watching our content to pass their time and being shaped by the things we say and do. I also feel bad sometimes because I'm not the smartest person in the world, so I can't give them a detailed philosophical thought of how much their lives are worth and how they are the ones that make their own future”.

“Do you feel unprepared to be an idol when it comes to this topic?”.

“Well, yes. I'm just a twenty six-year-old who acts mostly over her instincts and fears of letting life pass by her. It's scary to think about children wanting to be like me. I remember during our training, we also learned a lot about how to behave and all of that, but it never sunk in how much responsibility it takes to be someone's 'Idol'. I try not to think about it too much to be honest, my wishful thinking brain likes to imagine that everyone knows how to draw a line between Hayun working her idol job and Hayun living her life”.

“Lastly, do you regret being in the kpop industry?”

“No, just because it gave me the family that I need. I sound really dorky talking about them, but that Hayun, before meeting Seventeen, had no future in mind and no support system strong enough to carry her around. I would not be able to face all of this alone in a million years, and I hope I never have to”.

#Hayun #seventeen 14th member #seventeen oc #svt au #seventeen au #Seventeen Additional Member #seventeen addition #seventeen female addition #seventeen female member #seventeen female oc #kpop female member #kpop female oc #kpop female addition

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dailytomlinson · 3 years

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While many artists would jump at the chance to tell you how lockdown has been a fruitful opportunity for self-improvement, full of pseudo self-help books and pompous podcasts, former One Directioner Louis Tomlinson is adamant that he has done, well, nothing.

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Twenty-eight--year-old Tomlinson from Doncaster was always the down-to-earth Directioner, frequently describing himself as fringe member who spent more time analysing the band’s contracts than singing solos, known for chain-smoking his way through several packs of cigarettes a day and swearing like a trooper. A rarity, these days, among millennials who’d rather suck on a stem of kale and tweet about their #blessings.

The gig means a great deal to Tomlinson, whose first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

No doubt he was anxious to get it right following a decade “grown in test tubes”, as Harry Styles once described the band’s formation on the X Factor, where they came third before going on to make a reported $280,000 a day as the most successful band in the world. The pressure, too, was intense: all four bandmates had already released their own solo debuts.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

“The thing that I always enjoyed the most about One Direction was playing the shows, so my master plan, when I realised I was going to do a solo career, was always my first tour. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for the best part of five years now. I got so close, I got a taste for it, and it’s affected me like everyone else, but I’m forever an optimist,” he says down the phone, with what I can only imagine to be a rather phlegmatic shrug.

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

“You know what,” he says, reflecting, “maybe because I’ve had real dark moments in my life, they’ve given me scope for optimism. In the grand scheme of things, of what I’ve experienced, these everyday problems...they don’t seem so bad.”

Tomlinson is referring to losing his 43-year-old mother, a midwife, to leukemia in 2016, and his 18-year-old sister Felicite, a model, to an accidental drug overdose in 2018. The double tragedy is something he has been open about on his own terms, dedicating his single, Two of Us, from WALLS, to his mother Johannah, while often checking in with fans who have lost members of their own family.

It’s not unusual for Tomlinson to ask his 34.9 million followers if they’re doing alright, receiving hundreds of thousands of personal replies. It’s not something he will discuss in interviews, however, after he slammed BBC Breakfast for shamelessly probing his trauma in February this year. “Never going back there again,” he tweeted after coming off the show.

“Social media is a ruthless, toxic place, so I don’t like to spend much time there,” says Tomlinson, “but because of experiencing such light and shade all while I was famous, I have a very deep connection with my fans. They’ve always been there for me.”

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

“Yeah, definitely,” he says. “I’m very, very excited. I had basically penciled down a plan before corona took over our lives. And now it's kind of given me a little bit of time to really get into what I want to say and what I want things to sound like. Because, you know, I was really proud of my first record, but there were moments that I felt were truer to me than others. I think that there were some songs where I took slightly more risk and owned what I love, saying, ‘This is who I want to be’. So I want to take a leaf out of their book.”

Fans might think he’s referring to writing more heartfelt autobiographical content such as Two of Us, but in fact, he’s referring specifically to rock-inspired Kill My Mind, he says, the first song on WALLS. “There’s a certain energy in that song, in its delivery, in its attitude, that I want to recreate. People are struggling at the moment, so I want to create a raucous, exciting atmosphere in my live show, not a somber, thoughtful one.”

He sighs, trying to articulate something that’s clearly been playing on his mind for a while. “You know, because of my story, my album was a little heavy at times and a little somber. And as I'm sure you're aware, from talking to me, now, that isn't who I am.”

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

Too many incredible memories to mention but not a day goes by that I don't think about how amazing it was. @NiallOfficial @Harry_Styles @LiamPayne @zaynmalik . So proud of you all individually.

The problem is, says Tomlinson, he doesn’t have the best imagination. “I have interesting things to say musically, but what’s challenging from a writing perspective is that I write from the heart, and I can’t really get into someone else’s story. And right now, being stuck at home, you have so little experience to draw from. It’s actually quite hard to write these positive, uplifting songs, because actually, the experiences that you're going through on a day to day basis, you know, you they don't have that same flavour.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Another source of inspiration for his second album is the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ back catalogue. “I grew up on their album Bytheway. And during lockdown I've been knee deep in their stuff. I’ve watched every documentary, every video. And I find their lead guitarist John Frusciante just fascinating.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

Tomlinson’s passion for all things rock is also spurring on a side hustle he picked up as a judge on the X Factor in 2018: managing an all-female rock band via his own imprint on Simon Cowell’s Syco label. While the group disbanded before releasing their first single, and Tomlinson split from Syco earlier this year, the singer is keen to nurture some more talent.

“I'm not gonna lie, my process with my imprint through Syco, it became challenging and it became frustrating at times,” Tomlinson says a little wearily. “The kind of artists that I was interested in developing – because I genuinely feel through my experience in One Direction, you know, one of the biggest f______ bands, I feel like I've learned a lot about the industry – they weren’t ready-made. So I had lots of artists that I took through the door that were rough and ready, but major labels want to see something that works straight away. I found that a little bit demotivating. I love her and she's an incredible artist, but not everyone is a Taylor Swift.”

Tomlinson spends much of his free time scouting new talent either on YouTube, Reddit or BBC Introducing – he’s currently a huge fan of indie Brighton band, Fickle Friends. His dream is to manage an all-female band playing instruments. “Because there's no one in that space. And I know eventually if I don't do it, someone else will!”

Before he drives off to rehearsals, we chatter about how much he's been practising his guitar playing, and how he can't wait to take the whole team working at his favourite grassroots venue, The Dome in Doncaster, out ice-skating after he performs there on his rescheduled tour. “Because I've got skills,” he says, and I can hear his chest puff.

And then I ask the question every retired member of One Direction has been batting off ever since they broke up in 2015, after Zayn Malik quit. Rumours that his bandmates saw him as a Judas went wild after some eagle eyes fans noticed they’d unfollowed him on Instagram. Payne, Tomlinson, Horan and Styles have barely mentioned him since. Recently, however, they re-followed him, and Payne has teased that a One Direction reunion is on the cards.

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

“I thought you were going to ask something juicier!” say Tomlinson witheringly. “Look, I f______ love One Direction. I'm sure we're going to come back together one day, and I'll be doing a couple of One Direction songs in my gig. I always do that, so that's not alluding to any reunion or anything. But, I mean, look, I'm sure one day we'll get back together, because, you know, we were f______ great.”

#telegraph uk #press #louis tomlinson #241120 #its FULL of stunts as telegraph usually goes #stunt mention #Eleanor Halls

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louistomlinsoncouk · 3 years

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“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, and his girlfriend, the model Eleanor Calder.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, where he divides his time to see his four-year-old son, Freddie, whom he shares with his ex Briana Jungwirth, a stylist. “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

#louis tomlinson #24nov20

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hlupdate · 3 years

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“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

Far from aimless, however, today the singer is full of beans, cheerily shushing his barking dog as he potters about his North London home where he lives with his best friend from home, Oli, [...].

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

There is something that’s helping, though: a secret spot near Los Angeles, [...] “It’s remote and kind of weird, and I’m going to go there for three days and write. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it. I found it via a YouTube video. It’s got some very interesting locals who live there, it’s sort of backwards when it comes to technology. It feels like you’re going back in time when you’re there. But I don’t want to give it away.”

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

#louis tomlinson #241120 #lt livestream #e and f mentions from the journalist removed where there is [...]#nothing altered from louis #stunt mention #at the link

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thehandleisjammed · 3 years

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Hi! Still here, still breathing

Okay, so, let’s get the obvious out of the way first and foremost. Hi! I’m still alive and well (well, getting better), and I hope the same can be said for all of you out there.

I truly am sorry if I worried anyone with my impromptu five months of radio silence. If you’ll permit me a few minutes of your time, here is an explanation.

This absence is not altogether unusual for me, personally speaking. This may sound weird, but bear with me. When I was younger, I developed this habit where if I would duck out of any close friend groups I’d made, be they on line or in person. Why? Well I’m still figuring it out but I believe it was usually because one of a couple of reasons. The long and short of it was that I was overwhelmed, specifically with… well, how nice people were and how we got along. So much sincere positivity was terrifying at times. I would panic and run away from the situation, rather than wait for something to take it away.

Drifting constantly away was a pattern that was familiar, rinse and repeat, a sure fire way to not mess up a new perfect friendship. The funny thing is, as much as it hurt to leave them, to cling on to loneliness like a life preserver, the regret would fade. Additionally, when I met back up with old friends down the road, I’d find that they were moving on with their lives and, while they were happy to see me again, none were concerned about my well-being to the point of consistently checking up on me. Who knows, maybe they did, and I was too good at avoiding them for them to find me. I would tell myself that they were better off, that it was best for everyone if I left. I always had my immediate family as my social and support group and that was enough for me, as I am exceedingly lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

But the darnest thing started happening once I left school. Sometimes, when I made contact with people, when I’d talk to them regularly, then leave… people would try to stay in contact.

I’ll make no effort to be subtle and dance around the truth. I have been dealing with mental health issues for most of my life and only just stated to work on them in my early twenties. I won’t go into specifics, but as one can imagine, social anxiety was on top of the list. Doing art, specifically fan art for other artists/content creators was unspeakably therapeutic in treating that, and unintentionally got me connected to some of the sweetest, thoughtful, funny, and concisely amazing individuals out there.

And five months ago, I hit my wall again. I was surrounded by said amazing people and bounced. At first I told myself it was only for a week, but then that week grew into weeks, until I started to avoided Tumblr, Discord, any platform I could be easily contacted. Every time I tried to type or respond, or even click on an awaiting message… I froze, thousands of things running through my head, yet permanently stuck without a thing to say. Even if I promised myself that I’d do it on a specific date, or after I finished a project, my avoidance and insomnia worked together to keep me in my little hole, and that part of me would say I had to wait until I was ready.

Ready for what, though? For this feeling to go away? How can I combat the unknown if I never step into it, something that has never left? The fact of the matter is, I don’t know if I’ll ever be free of this flight response. If I say something stupid that I wished I hadn’t, I’ll apologize, try to see what went wrong, and if the offended party is willing to still talk, then I can lean and grow.

Recently a friend straight up called me to make sure I was okay, and I can’t thank her enough. Because when I talk to someone, it reminds me that when the chips are down, I will tackle this fear, shove it in a gosh dang closet and tell it to wait it’s flipping turn. Sincerely and truly, I never meant to scare anyone. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone would care that much.

Coming back to Tumblr will be a process. I can’t talk to too many people in one day, and working back up to posting things is going to be a journey. But it is one I can make, even if I have to take breaks. The key is, when those breaks are taken, I can’t burrow down into another hole. I can’t let that part of myself want that as a final destination any longer.

From the bottom to the brim of my heart, I’m so, so sorry for not giving a proper explanation or even a reply to those that asked. Thank you for asking and caring. I will do my absolute best to give as good as I get.

Whomever you are, wherever you are, know that it’s okay to have emotions, even the ones we battle with from day one. We can grow, heal and change. There is no one else like you on the planet, and there’s someone out there who can and will see that.

Sorry for dumping my heart out, out of the blue like this… but yeah! I’m inching my way back. Gradually. Thank you for listening to me ramble, and your patience.

#Whoooboi I was not expecting to dump that much here #Update #gonna wait until tomorrow to connect with people #this kinda took all the mental juice I had #tw/ mental health

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okayto · 4 years

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Mini-Review: Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions!

I’m so glad @littlestartopaz recommended this to me, because it was SO GOOD.

Yuta wants to start high school afresh: new school far from home, new classmates who don’t know he spent middle school acting out the fantasy of being the mysterious and magic “Dark Flame Master,” new him. But one of his classmates has delusions of her own, and after she accidentally discovers his embarrassing past, Yuta is unwillingly drawn into her life and a growing circle of friends with their own quirks.

The “chunibyo” of the title basically means “8th grade syndrome;” a phase in middle school where some kids inhabit and act out their own fantasy stories, positing themselves as dark magicians, magical girls, and other wielders of magical powers.

I had avoided this for a while, until it was specifically recommended to me, because honestly, it sounds embarrassing, right? It sounds like it’s gonna be an embarrassing manic pixie dream girl scenario. But what it actually contains is the story of how a mixed bag of students--some actively chunibyo, others not--become friends and develop very endearing close relationships, while arguing and frustrating each other because that’s what friends do.

Now, the idea of being the star of what’s essentially your own fantasy-action anime is embarrassing, but what’s notable is that the show doesn’t really hold the chunibyo characters up for mockery. Sure we might laugh at them, but hey--it’s funny to watch friends be silly together. And most viewers, just like some of the characters who have moved on from their chunibyo phases, probably easily understand the mix of soul-wrenching embarrassment and (mild?) fond sentiment that comes with remembering our middle school selves.

But let’s be real: the reactions the two former chunibyo students, Yuta and Shinka have to being reminded of middle school, are #RELATABLE

Rikka, our title chunibyo, in particular uses her fantasy in part to cope with grief, coming from an extended family that (without getting spoilery) didn’t help a young girl to deal with a very hard and life-changing time. Now that she’s in high school, her older sister blackmails Yuta (using an a voice recording of one of his chunibyo speeches) into helping deal with Rikka and things (like the cat she wants to adopt) that pop up.

One thing the show is very good at, though, is not making a single thing the reason behind a character’s chunibyo. One may have started their fantasy inspired by another person, or prompted by an event, but it’s also (while active) part of their personal narrative that influences how they spent their free time, how they see the world and keep blogs or diaries, etc.

But at the same time, they’re still teenagers, and their inner view of themselves...doesn’t always translate skills.

I said the show is primarily about friendship. A lot of that friendship is between Yuta and Rikka, but they accumulate a little group, mainly through Rikka’s attempt to start a magic club. Recruit 1: Kumin, a polite, quiet senpai with no chunibyo history or aspirations.

Kumin starts off seeming like a background character, but by the second season it’s clear she’s not just there for jokes about how she’ll take a nap anywhere. She’s perceptive, and genuinely enjoys watching the others act out their scenarios.

Compared to the other characters who are boisterous in their chunibyo activities (Rikka, Deko, Satone), or vociferously trying not to get drawn in to chunibyo activities (Yuta, Shinka), Kumin is happy to watch and offer encouragement, but she’s also willing to participate if a chunibyo scenario calls for a group.

Incidentally, the show does a really interesting thing where occasionally, we’ll be drawn “inside” the chunibyo world, seeing what Rikka/Deko/whoever see: a fantasy land, big magical weapons, anime-grade magical attacks. Occasionally we’ll also see what this “really” looks like--a couple people running around waving umbrellas at each other--but often we only get the fantasy version. It’s clear that Rikka and co. are legitimately on some level engaging in a shared imagination, and the times when a reluctant character (particularly Yuta or Shinka) willing steps in to the shared illusion are genuinely sweet.

Speaking of, Shinka (aka Morisummer) became one of my favorite characters. Like Yuta, she was chunibyo (”Morisummer the magician”); like Yuta, she chose a high school where she didn’t know anyone expressly so she could reinvent herself as a normal teen. And like Yuta, she’s getting dragged kicking and screaming into chunibyo again.

It would’ve been so easy to make her a bad character. She’s pretty, puts a lot of effort into being popular and likable at school, trying to keep up a good teen girl image, despite being fairly sarcastic at her core. And as loathe as she is to admit it, she likes her friends (even if she won’t admit they’re friends, even if half of them are actively chunibyo, even if she says she’s only hanging around so she can make sure all traces of chunibyo-Morisummer are erased from the internet).

Shinka gets drawn in to the group through Rikka’s apparently only pre-existing friend: Deko, a fellow chunibyo who follows Rikka (or “Eye of the Wicked Lord Shingan”) as her master, and is extremely devoted to the great magician Morisummer. So devoted, in fact, that she has several physical copies of Morisummer’s book containing all her wisdom...aka Shinka-Morisummer’s blog, which Shinka has tried to erase all trace of.

Needless to say, the two don’t seem to get along great.

Deko’s dedication to chunibyo and Morisummer irks Shinka; Shinka’s claim to be Morisummer irks Deko, who refuses to believe the great magician could ever be this sarcastic, mundane girl. Deko’s refusal irks Shinka, bringing out the sarcasm and bluntness Shinka tries to hide from the school at large.

Obviously, they actually become close friends, but heaven help you if you actually say so.

The entire series is an exploration of relationships, and Yuta’s developing closeness with Rikka (hey, we knew it was going to happen) is also sweet. He’s a genuinely likable boy, embarrassed by the vestiges of his former self he sees in Rikka, but often willing to meet her on her level, and both of them also learn/reaffirm the importance of doing things their way, and keeping both of them comfortable, rather than acting a certain way or performing specific acts just because their classmates think their relationship status mandates it.

Speaking of classmates--and I know this is getting long but I CAN’T HELP IT, I LIKED SO MANY ASPECTS OF THIS SERIES--the characters aren’t ridiculed at school. Sure, some people think they’re weird, but there’s no shunning, no arc involving teasing or bullies. Rikka’s often content as a loner, but when she attempts to join in a social circle, she’s welcomed. Shinka’s obsessed with reinventing herself and appearing normal and seems to think that otherwise she’ll be cast out, but multiple characters mention that others at the school notice how she behaves (oddly, on occasion) and there are no social repercussions. Truly nice for a show that has characters spending quite a lot of time in school.

Verdict

English dub? Yes, and it’s got strong performances. Rikka’s voice actor in particular does a fantastic job capturing the difference between chunibyo!Rikka’s confidence and command, and regular!Rikka’s, well, normal awkward teenageness. (Plus, I also found her lower-than animegirl-average voice enjoyable.) (Double plus, I honestly think her English voice is better than her original Japanese voice at showing the difference between her emotions and chunibyo/reality.) Deko’s VA is fantastic showing the enthusiasm of the 9th grader (and what enthusiasm, Deko is like the Energizer Bunny), and Shinka’s VA manages to show her alternating annoyance, cheerfully sweet ideal self, and organizized leader voices.

Visuals: Fine, and I really liked the chunibyo designs for each character’s chunibyo phase. The contrast between chunibyo-vision (giant magic weapons; mysterious lights, fantasy landscapes) and reality (an umbrella or soup ladle; a strip of lights taped to the floor; a local park) was really well done.

Worth watching? Yessss. It’s very manageable--two 12-episode seasons--and while each season contains its own arc (you could stop after the first one, but why), together they make an excellent story. Heck, I think the second season is equal to, if not better than, the first, because the friend group is well-established and even more fun to watch.

Where to watch (USA, as of October 2020): Netflix (dub, sub); Crunchyroll (sub), HIDIVE (sub & dub, plus OVAs and film)

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

#love chunibyo & other delusions #chuunibyou demo koi ga shitai #Rikka Takanashi #Shinka Nibutani #Sanae Dekomori #anime #brb just going into withdrawal from the lack of Shinka and Deko snarking in my life now #not sure if Rikka was supposed to read as non-neurotypical but I think it's a possible interpretation & I want more #reviews #recommendation

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drethanramslay · 4 years

Text

A funny thing called Fate: Chapter 2

Pairing: Bryce X MC (Aisha Khurrana)

Word Count: 4.6 K words (yeah yeah its more than usual)

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Warning: None, just some cursing

Author’s note: The next chapter is here and it is in Aisha’s POV!!

I decided to take part in @choicesseptemberchallenge20 and the prompt is heaven which you will find in bold.

TERMS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:

- IIT, Delhi: It’s one of the most premier institute for engineering in India. Delhi campus is said to be the best one in the country. The majority of the Indian CEO’s like Google, at least have a degree of IIT under their belt.

-ku'uipo: Sweetheart

-'Ae: Yes

- Beta padhai par dhyaan do, dost aate jaate hai: Child, focus on your studies, friends come and go (TBH this is the one line which maximum desi kids have heard while growing up. That's why we can be uh.. awkward in making new friends lol)

-Main kya gadhi hoon: I'm such a dumbass (side note: gadhi (female) actually means donkey in hindi)

-Duniya main maine itna bada gaandu kabhi dekha nahi hai maine: I have not seen a bigger asshole than this guy. (yes I love swearing in hindi and what about it)

Forgive me if i made any errors

10 YEARS AGO- AISHA'S POV

My fingers ran against the spines of the book, my head tilted as I searched for a new book to dive into.

"Found anything of your liking, Aisha?" Tina, the librarian asked, her kind eyes twinkling. The old librarian loved me because I always helped around in sorting the books or with checkout. She suggested that if I were to help her, she would pay me so I decided why not?

But the lack of people coming to the library and their constant need to be fake on social media, flexing about their looks instead of textbooks often left the library empty which consequently resulted in free time.

Not that I minded.

In that free time I would either catch up on my study assignments or I would read the books recently added to the collection be it fiction, politics, history, astronomy... I wasn't picky about the genres.

But lately, my attention is being drawn to medical journals and textbooks. Yes, I'm 16 and that its definitely not people my age do but, to be the person balancing on the tightrope between life and death, the person who stands between existence and heaven... it's just a beautiful paradox that I can't help be captivated by the concept.

That and my strengths are biology and chemistry so its just an added plus. So, I definitely dream of being a world class doctor.

Not to brag, but I know all the pulse points in the body and can name the bones of the skull in my sleep. My parents don't know that because... let's say there is a reason why I stay out of home for the majority of the day.

Are we again going to go over this? I am sick and tired of your fucking indiscipline. How I wish you could be more like Aditya... Mama's voice rung in my ears which made me close my eyes and take a shuddering breath.

Now is not the time to think about how awful you are. I repeated it in my head like a mantra, making it a point to message my brother and rant about the newest development.

Despite our parents trying to pit me against bhaiya, we were thick as thieves. We always had each other's backs and we're there to cheer each other up. Whenever our parents would scream at any of us, we would wait until they fell asleep to do something to lift the other person up. Midnight feasts, movie binge or just cuddling and imagining a future where we were away from them... That always managed to cheer me up and I knew bhaiya enjoyed it too.

I don't think we fought that much either because we were pretty close in age, with only three and a half years difference. We are pretty like-minded and scientifically inclined only he was interested in computer engineering while I was fascinated by the engineering of the human body.

It sucked that he is in IIT, Delhi while I'm so far away. We still manage to video call irrespective of the time zones but it is not the same as having the comfort of your older brother.

"I think I will take this." I handed her a battered copy of Gray's anatomy.

Tina just gave a knowing smile and I checked out. I headed to the nearby Fleming Beach Park, which is one of the most popular beaches in Maui. It was a five-minute walk from the library and the majority of the school population used to come here to hang out in the evenings.

Not that I was paying any attention to my oblivious classmates.

I headed to Kimo's Beach Shack and the owner gave me a gentle smile.

"What will it be, ku'uipo? The usual?" They asked as they wiped their hand on the dishtowel.

"'Ae." I smiled at them and they started making my favourite drink- Strawberry milkshake.

Precariously balancing my bag, the drink in one hand and my wrist-thick library book under the armpit of my other hand, I headed to the quieter side of the beach, away from the raucous.

I settle down under the shade of the palm trees and lean back against the rocks, taking in the view around me. I could see people from my school roaming around in their swimming suits either playing volleyball or surfing. As I sipped my milkshake (looking like an absolute loner, must I add) my eyes drifted to their happy faces as the joked around, laughing and having fun with their friends.

The two concepts that are so unfamiliar to me.

When I was back in India, I had a good group of friends who I would hang out with and play basketball with. It was good but shifting to a new place can strain those relationships. I do follow them on social media but seeing them enjoying and doing the things which we used to do together, it causes my heart to ache.

And I never really tried making friends here in Maui because a) The people here didn't consider me as one of them and b) My parents kept on saying it is temporary so there was no point focusing on that. Beta padhai par dhyaan do, dost aate jaate hai. My dad told me the one night I decided to express my excessive loneliness.

Thanks papa, real helpful. I shook my head, sipping my drink as I carefully opened my library book.

"You look sad." A childish voice spoke up breaking me out from my melancholy. I looked up and saw a four-year-old girl, her doe-like eyes staring down at me. She was wearing a pink summer dress and a cute bow hairband, taming her light brown hair.

"Huh?"

"You look sad... and lonely."

"I am okay, keiki... Don't worry."

The kid's eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "How did you know my name?"

My eyes widened. In the two years in Hawaii, I had learnt a little bit of Hawaiian and spoke in bits and pieces. And I'm pretty sure keiki meant 'child' in Hawaiian so you could imagine the shock I felt when her name was the literal translation of child.

Who the fuck names their child... child?

"A lucky guess. It is nice to meet you Keiki." She moved her hand forward and Keiki's hand clutched my big hand with her small ones shaking it. Her hand was as big as my palm.

"What's your name?" Keikie asked as she sat down next to me.

"I'm Aisha. And, what are you doing here all alone?"

"I came with my elder brother but he and his friends were playing and he forgot his promise to build a sandcastle with me. So I just went walking." She huffed and crossed her short arms across her chest.

"Well, your brother would be worried about you, won't he?" I asked as her eyes scan the crowd, looking for a guy who remotely looks like my little companion.

"Well, I think that's a go-good puni-shi-ment for him." She struggled with the big word.

Aisha chuckled and soon Keiki's giggles joined hers.

"You remind me of the times when I used to bother my elder brother like that. He would get so mad."

"Where is he now?" She asked as her hands fisted the sand, her eyes moving to look at the brunette.

"Well, he is in university, in a completely different country."

"Do you miss him?"

"A lot." I sighed. Her puppy eyes met mine and she reached to hold my elbow. I smiled down at her, appreciating the gesture. She opened her mouth to ask me more questions when we heard a commotion.

"KEIKI!! There you are!" A shout wafted towards us, interrupting Keiki. I saw a tall guy jogging towards us and when my eyes landed on him, I immediately recognized him.

Bryce Lahela. The golden boy of my school, with girls and guys falling for him, left, right, centre. And right now, he was approaching me completely shirtless, his abs glistening in the evening sun. He had a Polynesian tattoo wrapping around his left bicep and ending a little below his collarbone which had me feeling... uh thirsty?

Cool, cool, cool, just act like yourself.

Yeah as if that's helped you deal with your awkwardness. Her conscience snarked at her.

“Shut up.” I muttered to myself. But, I wasn’t subtle enough and Bryce turned towards me, a weird look in his eyes.

Off to a great start, Aisha. Keep up the good work. I mentally groaned as I went back to reading my library book.

"Thank god Keiki you are okay... I was so worried." He kneeled and hugged her, immediately forgetting my weird mumblings. I could feel the body heat emanating from him and suddenly, the anatomy of the kidney seemed more interesting than the hot guy beside me.

"Its okay Bryce. I was talking to my new friend." Keiki squeaked as she pulled away from the hug, two sets of hazel eyes staring at me now.

My eyes widened and I subconsciously reached to push my glasses up my nose, feeling the back of my neck heating up.

"Well, thank you so much." His voice reverberated and I swear I felt as if I would combust at the spot.

I looked up and shot a tiny smile. "No worries. Keiki here makes a nice study buddy."

I internally smacked my head. Study buddy? Really? Who uses that term now?

"Of course. Daddy says that I'm a beauty with brains." She said with a smug smile.

"Well, that's the one thing that I agree with dad," Bryce said as he settled down on her other side. The one feet distance enabled my mind to resume working.

I smiled down at Keiki and I found that Bryce was looking at me intently.

O... okay?

"Wait... You go to my school right? Lahainaluna High School?"

I nodded my head. I was about to introduce myself when his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

He was snapping his fingers when his face lightened up with recognition. "You are Aisha, right? The newbie who joined us last year I was in your chemistry class last year."

The drink almost fell from my hand and I had to clutch it tighter to prevent myself from making a bigger mess. Clearing my throat I smiled nervously. "Yeah, that's me. You are Bryce, right? You are on the basketball team, right?"

"You know me?" He asked, shocked and I could hardly stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"Duh?! You are Mr. Popular with really good looks and either people love you or hate you." I rambled off.

A small smile played on his lips. "And which category would you belong too? The love or hate category?"

I gave a shy smile. "Let's just say I'm on neutral grounds. Give me a good reason why I should like you."

"Because of my dashing looks? My tattoo?" He stretched his hands wide, gesturing towards himself. His hair caught the evening light, making it look like a halo. His hazel eyes had flecks of gold which threatened to drown me but before I could get lost in his sheer beauty, I shook my head to snap out of the daze of his presence and gave a mocking sigh.

"Aaaannnndd, he is just like other dumb jocks who is overly obsessed with his looks. Why are they all the same?"

Keiki put her hand sympathetically on my lap. "Don't worry Ash. I don't like Bryce when he talks about his looks either."

Bryce gasped. "Keiki you are breaking my heart."

"Good."

He reached for her and started tickling her which made her squeal with laughter. I had to get up so that the sand doesn't get on me, laughing at the sight. "Brryyccee!! Stopp!!"

"Not until you tell me I'm the best brother in the world."

Gasping for breath with tears in her eyes, Keiki breathed out in defeat. "Okay, okay. You are the best... brother in... the world."

Bryce pulled back a grin playing on his lips.

"Good."

My phone rang and I saw Mama's name flash on the screen which made me sigh.

"Your mom?" Bryce asked.

"Yep. should reach home before she turns into momzilla." We chuckled as I put my book into my bag.

"Bye Keiki, it was nice talking to you."

"Bye Ash. I like you. Can we make sandcastles next time?" I laughed and nodded, "Sure sweetie."

"Where is my goodbye?" Bryce pouted.

I rolled her eyes. "Bye Bryce. See you around."

And with that, I turned on her heel, and walked home, feeling much better.

PRESENT

Aisha felt like banging her head against the wall of the hospital out of utter embarrassment. In the span of 7 hours, she had pissed off her superior, met her ex from ten years ago, got stuck with a partner who hardly did anything and now managed to embarrass herself yet again in front of her role model.

Rookie... Are you hiding from me? The way Dr. Ramsey had an eyebrow raised, as if to question why she was hiding behind another intern and the appalled expression as she stumbled over her words were forever imprinted in her mind.

Not my brightest moment. Aisha recollected as she sighed at the way she stuttered and finally came up with an excuse.

I'm doing charts. She mocked herself as she shook her head. There was a table right next to me!! I could have come up with anything but that weak ass excuse.

And she had always dreamed that if she were to meet Bryce in real life, she would definitely insult the fuck out of him and then for the finishing stroke, she would probably punch him in his handsome face or kick him in the crown jewels.

But sadly, you seldom get the things you wish for.

I don't have time for this - Main kya gadhi hoon. She mentally groaned as she tried to shut off the part of her brain which was so hell-bent on making her feel humiliated.

She entered Annie's room to find her curled up in her bed, playing idly with her phone. She perked up a little when she saw Aisha, forcing a smile on her face.

"Oh. Hi, Dr. Khurrana."

"I just came by to see how you're feeling Annie."

Annie shrugged. "The same. The nurse came by and gave me some medication a little while ago.."

Opening Annie's chart she checked. "Yeah, antibiotics. It's too soon to see any improvement yet, but hopefully, we'll see some results soon."

Aisha was about to turn on her heel and leave when she heard Annie's small voice. "hey, could you stay awhile? It's... kinda lonely, being here all on my own."

Aisha gave an empathetic smile and reached to sit down on the chair near her bed. "Of course I can."

"Thank you once again doc."

"No, thank you. I haven't been off my feet since I got out of bed this morning. So Annie," Aisha leaned forward, "what are you studying?"

Annie blinked as if she was confused by the question. She took a couple of heavy breaths before attempting to answer.

"My master's is in... English... but my... my..." She swayed, her voice woozy as she tried to finish her sentence.

Aisha was on alert. "Annie, are you feeling okay?" She asked as she felt her pulse which was dropping before Annie passed out.

The heart rate monitor sounded a long, flat tone as her heart stopped.

"OH MY GOD!! Code blue, I need some help here!!" Aisha shouted, pressing the button near her bed.

"C'mon Annie stay with me." As Aisha stood on the nearby stool, performing CPR as she waited for the code team to arrive.

"Aisha?!" Jackie's shocked voice made her lookup.

"Jackie, where is the code team?"

"Room 502 called a code blue just before you. Just keep up with CPR. They'll get to you when they can!"

Aisha's eyes flashed. "That could be too late!! Help me, Jackie we are losing her fast."

"What were her symptoms?" Jackie asked as she snapped on the latex gloves and moved towards the bed.

"Symptoms were headache and nausea. Started during her vacation to Indonesia. Aurora and I did a blood workup and gave her cefpodoxime." Aisha opened the gown and Jackie's eyes narrowed in on the rash rapidly spreading on the side of the body.

"She is breaking in hives. She is in anaphylactic shock!"

"Now that I think about it, it may be because of her allergy to the antibiotics I gave... I had fucking asked her, dammit." Guilt made her chest heavy.

Jackie's face turned into a scowl as she wheeled the defibrillator cart closer. "It doesn't matter whose fault it is. This girl needs you now! We have to get her heart started ourselves."

Aisha nodded as she opened Annie's gown, baring her chest. She took a steadying breath. You have done this numerous times in AIIMS, you can do this.

Taking the paddles, she placed one paddle on the right side, beneath her collarbone and the other paddle on the left side, just beneath her armpit.

A small impressive smile made its way on Jackie's lips. "Good, now set the charge."

"Charging to 300 volts... Clear!"

Annie's body spasmed as the paddles discharged. Keeping them aside, Aisha resumed her compressions on Annie's chest.

C'mon Annie... You can do this... Come back to me. Aisha prayed.

The monitor beeped twice before Annie's heartbeat returned, accelerated but constant.

She let out a sigh of breath as she bent over the bed. Jackie clapped her back. "You are soooo lucky."

"Shut up. Now just give her an epinephrine injection and intubate while I maintain compression."

Jackie nodded her head and Aisha shot a grateful smile as she continued her compressions, her hands aching.

"What the hell is going on in here, Rookie?"

Yikes. Aisha winced at the tone and looked up to find Dr. Ramsey glaring from the doorway.

Time to own up, buddy. She sighed and spoke up. "Dr. Ramsey, she was allergic to the antibiotics I prescribed.

She couldn't gauge his reaction from so far away. "Well... at least you are taking responsibility. Sometimes patients don't know about their own allergies. That's why you always have to be cautious."

Jackie injected the epinephrine pen into Annie's tight. Still unconscious, Annie took a shuddering gasp of air.

"And now we intubate."

"Excellent work, Doctor...?"

A self-satisfied smile made its way on Jackie's face. "Varma."

"You were assigned to this case?"

"No, I was passing and I hear Dr. Khurrana calling a code blue."

A smile made its way on his face which shocked Aisha. This man voluntarily uses his facial muscles to smile? I wouldn't have known. "The patient's very lucky you were here. I'm not confident Dr. Khurrana could have handled this alone."

Now, wait a damn minute... Aisha clenched her jaw. This wasn't her first time she was getting insulted and yeah it was called for but it didn't help her feel any better either.

Jackie bit her lip and glanced at Aisha, which Aisha pointedly ignored. Watch her jump at the opportunity in 3...2...1

"Thank you. Just doing my job, Dr. Ramsey."

There it is.

Gulping down her annoyance, Aisha spoke up. "Dr. Varma really bailed me out." Aisha turned towards Jackie and nodded stiffly. "Thank you, Dr. Varma."

Jackie tried to read her, guilt swimming in her eyes.

She should be guilty, she took the credit of the save when I was the one calling the shots.

"...Anytime."

Fuck you. She narrowed her eyes slightly which made Jackie wince.

Luckily, Dr. Ramsey gave Jackie an out. "Dr. Varma, you should return to your patients."

A relieved smile made its way on her face. "Yes, Doctor." Throwing a backward glance towards Aisha, she walked out.

Dr. Ramsey swivelled towards Aisha, his face drawn tight with annoyance. "And you... you need to have a long hard think about whether or not you're ready to be here. It doesn't matter that it's your first day, or that you're still learning. Whether this girl lives or dies is on you. Is that clear?"

"Crystal, Dr. Ramsey."

"You still have no idea what's wrong with her, and your first attempt nearly killed her. This is the real world. No room for mista--"

"Hi, Dr. Ramsey? Sorry to interrupt." A short Asian intern interrupted him and Aisha let out a small sigh of relief.

This guy would give my parents a run for their money. Why do I meet assholes everywhere I go?

"For the love of God, what now?"

"One of the nurses told me... that one of the other interns told them... that one of the doctors said..."

Dr. Ramsey certainly didn't enjoy beating around the bush. With a biting voice, sharp enough to make both Aisha and the intern to flinch, he commanded. "Skip to the point."

"Dr. Toussaint needs to see you urgently." She rushed.

Dr. Ramsey pinched the bridge of his nose, muttered something about 'interns' under his breath.

Straightening his coat, who gave pointedly glanced at Aisha. "Remember what I said, Rookie. Next time I see you, you'd better have solved the case." He turned on his feet and stormed out making the petite intern jump.

Aisha stepped out into the hall with the intern, leaned against the wall and let out a sigh.

"Thank god for Dr. Toussaint. I swear if he wouldn't have called, Dr. Ramsey would have burst a vein or something."

The intern leaned against the wall adjacent to Aisha. "Yeah... Too bad he doesn't actually need to see Dr. Ramsey."

Aisha's eyes widened and she turned to stare at the other intern. "Huh?"

"I made it up! I could hear Ramsey chewing you out halfway down the hall, I figured you might need a save."

Oh my god, that is the sweetest thing anyone has done for me.

Aisha smiled brightly. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. But you could get in serious trouble if he realizes it."

She shrugged with a cheeky grin. "If. Besides, I'm tougher than I look. I'm Sienna by the way. Or Dr. Trinh. Whichever floats your boat."

"I'm Aisha Khurrana. Thanks again." Aisha's pager beeped and she looked down and sighed. "As fun as our little adventure was, I need to get back to work. Nice talking to you Sienna and once again, thanks for the save."

"Bye, hope you solve the case. Also, wait! I heard all the doctors hang out at this bar called Donahue's. I think, just down the street. Apparently, it's like the place to go and decompress after a long shift. Wanna come?"

"Sure!! If only I survive my first shift."

Sienna gave a brilliant smile. "Assuming you live through the next few hours, I'll meet you in the atrium after we clock out."

And Aisha got back to work, tending to her other patients but Annie's unconscious face kept on flashing behind her eyelids and Ramsey's words echoed in her head, like a broken tape recorder.

You need to have a long hard think about whether or not you're ready to be here.

She took a shuddering breath, doubt slipping into her mind, making her question everything she did. Every patient she treated and every prescription she signed.

Am I really cut out for this?

She tried to stop the rising anxiety but it still continued to swell in her like a balloon. Her throat began to dry up and it felt as if the weight on her chest didn't allow her to breathe.

Oh god, it's happening.

Feeling like she was on the verge of a breakdown, she ducked into a dark supply closet so nobody could see her while she tried to pull herself together.

It's okay. You worked your way through med school to get here. You are worthy. She chanted, taking in gulps of air.

It had hardly been a minute when the door suddenly opened and she heard footsteps.

Aisha internally groaned in annoyance. "Get in or get out. Just quit holding the door." She turned around and saw Bryce.

Oh fuck.

He nervously cleared his throat and walked towards her, maintaining his distance. "I feel like I'm interrupting something. Are... are you okay?"

Thanks to the dark, he couldn't see her tear rimmed eyes. Sighing loudly she untied her hair and ran her fingers through it, something she often did when she felt like her life was on the verge of falling apart.

"Nothing. I'm just looking for something." She tried to speak in a sharp tone but it just sounded like her voice was cracking.

She knew that Bryce had definitely heard how close she was to crying. Concern laced his voice. "Hey, I know when we met I was nothing but a dumb, self-obsessed jock but it's different now. I... I know you are not okay. Want to talk about it? Or vent?"

Goddamit Bryce. "Fine! I almost killed my first patient and I fucking swear to god I saw my career flash before my eyes. But it was lowkey my fault. I should have checked for allergies. But I tried fixing my error by calling the shots and Jackie helped me. BUT that's not it! Instead of being a humble person, Jackie swoops in and takes the credit of my save and Dr. Ramsey just goes on congratulating her as if she won some fucking AMA Award-"

"Aisha, breathe."

Taking a lungful of air she continued. "- And don't even get me started on Dr. Ethan Freaking Ramsey. Duniya main maine itna bada gaandu kabhi dekha nahi hai maine. What a dick!! He should get fucking laid to work off all his anger issues-"

Bryce snorted but didn't dare to interrupt Aisha. From the short time they dated, he knew better than to interrupt her mid-rant, it only managed to instigate her.

Another deep breathe. "- Boy does he manage to make me doubt myself in every step of the way like am I worthy of being here? I mean, I threw my heart and soul into med school because I wanted to be the best doctor out there but dammit I don't think I am ready."

When he made sure she wasn't going to launch into a new roast session, he spoke up. "Wow. You managed so many years of med school, but eight hours into the shift and you're surrendering? Didn't take you for a quitter."

Excuse me? Aisha's eyes narrowed.

"You don't know me anymore Bryce. The Aisha you dated is long gone and dead." She said in a low voice.

He shrugged. "True, but I know that you still have the fire in you to do what you love the most. C'mon, you have dealt with worse but yet you are here, standing tall. This is just temporary. I know you can pick yourself back up and break down all the obstacles in front of you."

She looked up at Bryce, only able to see the faint outline of his body. He still was the same- tall, well built and with really good hair. "No offence but... you used to be the guy who would wet himself during chemistry practicals, what happened to make you so...?" She gestured her hand at him, accidentally hitting his hand.

He hesitated. "As you said, things changed and you don't know me anymore Aisha."

"Fair enough."

The lack of space and the awkward silence just fueled the tension between them. She could feel his converse bumping into her shoes and the heated gaze on her face.

There used to be a time when Aisha and Bryce would talk for hours on end and they never ran out of topics to talk about. Be it something as lame as which is the superior flavour of ice cream or as deep as life after death.

Look at us now... Aisha thought to herself, gulping.

Her hair fell on her face as she averted her eyes, unable to come up with something to talk about. Bryce's hand involuntary reached to push back the rebel strands behind her ear, his hands caressing her cheek in the process. It felt as if electric sparks shot up her cheeks, making her blush.

Bryce opened his mouth. "Aisha-"

The door opened and she heard a feminine voice. "Bryce I saw you giving me the look so I decided to join you-"

A woman walked around the corner of the help and Aisha's jaw dropped. It was not because she was shocked that he was dating, he could screw the entire hospital for all she cared but, no... she was topless.

"Oh." The unknown woman placed her hands beside her.

"Sam-" Bryce began and Aisha spoke up at the same time. "I was just-"

The confusion was interrupted again when the closet door opened again and a senior resident stood before them, aghast. "What is going on over here?"

"Oh fuck." The expletive spilt from Aisha's lips.

The topless woman, whose name apparently was Sam, quipped in. "Yeah what she said."

Well, this is totally not awkward.

AUTHOR”S NOTE #2:

Number one, yeah I dragged PB a bit in regards to Keiki’s name.. PB do your research challenge 🙄

Number two, okay so about the tattoo part, me and @bratzlahela were just talking about Bryce having Polynesian tattoos based on this post and I had to integrate it in my series lol

This is something I imagined 🤭

Number 3, Also I tried to change up the scene a bit with Jackie because tbh, Aisha is pretty fucking smart and she won’t be like “Boo-hoo. I don’t know anything” And about the part where she spoke about using the defibrillator numerous times in AIIMS, In India the medical education is a little more hands-on and focuses more on clinical practice rather than theory. Medical students from first year start doing ward duty and help around in the hospitals taking patient history, etc. Also, they have a mandatory year of internship without which you don’t get your license.

Number 4, So about that supply closet scene, how many of y’all thought would you get a make out sesh?

If yes, here is your clown wig 🤡

Number 5, AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT TODDLER KEIKI I SWEAR I WAS JUST GUSHING THE ENTIRE TIME 🥺

Lastly, IT PHYSICALLY HURT ME TO ROAST ETHAN LIKE IM SO SORRY SWEETIE 😭🥺🤧

This was a pretty long author’s note heheheh

Like, comment, reblog and share your thoughts ❤

Bryce X MC: @lilyvalentine @sanchita012 @zeniamiii @lucy-268 @have-aheart @utterlyinevitable @anotherbeingsworld @this-person-is-busy @cryinginthebackseat @mayascherub @jaxsmutsuo @rookie-ramsey @aylamreads @caseyvalentineramsey @arcticlumineer @chetachisblog @kelseaaa

Permanent Tag list: @trappedinfandoms @agent-breakdance @dailydoseofchoices @colossalpainintheass @siaramsey @raleigheffingcarrera @kaavyaethanramsey @theeccentricbibliophile @ac27dj @ramseysno1rookie @justanotherrookie @jamespotterthefirst @checkurwindow @chasingrobbie @junggoku @bellcat2010 @choicesstan1 @mvalentine @crazynutella @hatescapsicum @dr-ramseys-rookie @lilypills @vampireblissblog @decadentwinnerjudgedream @starrystarrytrouble @drariellevalentine @choicesficwriterscreations @nooruleman @anonymously-cool @sanvivrma

(Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist)

#anushka writes #oh bryce #bryce lahela #bryce x mc #open heart bryce #bryce lahela x mc #aisha khurrana #bryce x aisha #open heart #open heart mc #choices oh #choices #playchoices #choices stories you play #choices stories we play #pixelberry #a funny thing called fate #series

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nolabballgirl · 4 years

Text

Skam: Ranking the Sana Seasons

So in light of Skam España’s upcoming Amira season, I thought I would watch all of the existing Sana seasons (Skam OG, Druck, Skam Italia, and Skam France) and give my rankings, coming from the perspective of a cis Muslim woman of color from the US.

Overall, none of the seasons lived up to their potential, and none really explored Islamophobia or racism is any meaningful way. They definitely could have benefitted from more Muslims (if any at all) in the writer’s room. For example, most of the remakes (Druck did the best here) miss the mark on approaching the main conflict between Sana and her non-Muslim love interest. They even have most Sanas asking a parent or Googling why a Muslim man can marry whoever he wants but a Muslim woman can’t, so I’m not sure if they are trying for some backdoor feminist angle. First, that’s not accurate. Scripturally, a Muslim man cannot marry an atheist or an agnostic either, which is how the Sanas’ love interests are generally coded. Second, for me, the actual question is more of interpretation of faith. Seeing a five-times per day praying, hijabi Muslim woman grappling with following the scripture and then *wanting* to be with a non-muslim knowing that not only does it go against her faith, but that he wouldn’t participate in a huge part of her life (e.g. imagine the loneliness of fasting all of Ramadan by yourself year after year) is the drama and love and heartbreak I want to see examined.

Tbh, I thought Amira N.’s guest appearance on Lucas Rubio’s YouTube channel gave us a more in depth dive than pretty much all these other seasons combined, but anyway, here we go:

1. Druck S4 (Amira M.) - I really love Amira M. (her spunk, attitude, and incorporation of faith into her life). But, they completely shortchanged Amira by giving her fewer episodes and essentially turning it into the Mia and Hanna show by the end. However, across the remakes, I thought Amira’s story arc and confidence in her Islam was the best depicted so far.

Amira M. and Mohammed have the best Yousana chemistry. The romantic tension is so palpable. Plus, Mohammed standing guard and not having her Maghrib prayer interrupted was such a thoughtful touch! (in the other remakes, there are always people making out or barging in when Sana is trying to pray).

All the remakes have shown the Sanas praying, but here we have scenes with Amira reciting her prayers out loud for the audience to hear (not the usual mumble-core), and Tua has such a nice reciting voice (qira’at) :)

Druck didn’t ruin the Girl Squad for me (even though they pretty much gave Kiki a personality transplant to get there!)

But, Druck played this season super safe and did not engage in any *real* conversations with the GS surrounding racism and Islamophobia, so major missed opportunity there! We only had snapshots of Amira dealing with racist third parties here and there, but no cohesive resolution.

Omar and Essam’s storylines really went nowhere. They could have done so much more with these characters and their struggles fitting in to German society. Although I do think the “house party/left behind bottle of alcohol” scene fit better with Essam and his friends vs. having it be Amira trying to fit in with another group of girls.

Like with Skam Italia, it feels like something is missing when one of the Girl Squad members is MIA (here, Mia/Noora), but Druck overcompensated and not in a good way.

2. Skam OG (Sana B.) - Sana is the OG bada$$. I’ll admit it took me a little while to get warmed up to her, but I love how this season showed her vulnerability. I also thought she and Yousef had great chemistry. Plus, Sana and Even friendships are pure gold :)

However, I didn’t like:

the characterization of the Girl Squad and how Sana was essentially pushed out in favor of the Pepsi Max girls (come on Girl Squad - do better!)

the Noora/Yousef flirtation/make out - unnecessary other than to give Noora more screen time. And not a fan of wrapping up storylines with text message exposition...

the Sana/Isak bench scene. Yes, there were some good moments but I didn’t like putting the onus back on Sana to be the one doing all the work and answering all the dumb questions. It’s so exhausting.

the cyberbullying story, followed by Sana messaging William behind Noora’s back - left a sour taste in my mouth RE: Sana’s motives without any great or meaningful resolution (sidenote: props to Skam España for moving this to Eva’s season - makes a lot more sense!)

3. Skam Italia (Sana A.) - So despite my misgivings with SkamIt due to its casting issues, I was excited coming into this season because I saw a lot of hype on social media. But, it turned out to basically be a carbon copy of the Skam OG season, so it left me disappointed overall.

Sana and Malik are cute, but...

I really didn't care for the Girl Squad this season, and the treatment felt even worse than the GS of Skam OG’s season 4. The dynamic was really all over the place - they pushed Sana out in favor of the BCU girls and essentially let them badmouth her and accuse her of sabotaging their vacation house. But as soon as Silvia is the one who gets insulted, then all of a sudden we’re a Girl Squad again? Where’s the kindness and understanding? Where are my Sisters Forever?!

It’s always weird to me when one of the Girl Squad members is MIA (here, Eleonora/Noora was gone for most of the season), so it just feels like something is missing.

Gay conversion therapy storyline - yes, this is an important topic that affects religious households, but there was no in depth treatment to it, like at all. And do I hate that they gave the intolerance storyline to a Muslim family and imam when there’s already rampant Islamophobia in Italy? Yes! But, more so it takes away from Sana’s story. It was more of an excuse to incorporate Martino/Niccolo into S4 instead of developing Sana as a character and having Skam Italia deal with racism and Islamophobia head on. Also, it was a case of another character (Sana) speaking for Luai instead of having Luai speak for himself about his experience and trauma.

Sana taking off her hijab in Filippo/Martino’s apt - lol...it’s just not realistic.

4. Skam France (Imane) - The worst. Do I need to say more? Okay, I will.

The casual, unchecked racism jumps out.

The casual, unchecked Islamophobia jumps out.

Um, Girl Squad - look at what you’re doing, look at your choices. Seriously, talk about ruining characters and ruining a Girl Squad.

Dragging out Sofiane and Manon’s relationship. Totally undercuts the Imane and Sofiane chemistry compared to the other remakes. Yousef/Mohammed would never.

Followed by the Manon and Charles show. *roll eyes*

Someone please rescue Imane. Girl, go hang with Jamila and Lamia. You’ll be so much happier.

Someone give the Bakhellals their own show far away from here.

#skam españa #skam #skam italia #skam france #druck #long post #sana bakkoush #amira mahmood #amira naybet #sana allagui #imane bakhellal

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cata-linaa · 3 years

Note

Hello, how are you? Okay, well not gonna lie it's my first time requesting anything, so I would like to request a match-up. If possible. :) If I have any mistakes you are more than welcome to correct me or tell me to do it again.

I am 20 years old, female and from Germany. I study medicine, am in the 2nd year. I can speak five languages and am currently learning Icelandic - I don't know why to be all honest- and love to read and draw in my free time. I am also in a MMA club, it's my fourth year now -it's a miracle that I'm still alive, hahaha- and I've played football for seven years. Because of the pandemic we are not allowed to participate in any sports, so I'm rather at home and studying. I also love volleyball, not gonna lie, I've watched HQ because of it. I never played volleyball professionally but I would like to. The adrenaline when I play with some friends is indescribable! To my personality, well I am really "direct", if something doesn't add up in my mind I would not hesitate to tell my opinion. I am a really good listener and give amazing advices, in my 20 years I've been through a lot, my mind is like a 70 year old person's. Due some traumatic experiences, I've developed depression and its best friend anxiety. Even though I have the feeling that I have no friends -which I have but, I don't know how to explain, it's more like you try to keep the friendship up, ya know?- I have depression and anxiety right next to me as my friends, they come and go to check up on me can't deny their effort for that. Damn, I wrote a lot. However, to the last things, I have brown hair and hazel-green eyes. If you want to know anything else -which I don't think- Hahaha.

I wish you a nice day! ❤

hello hello! sorry this is so late, my life is VERY funny, and by funny i mean I’m a piñata, and life is a blindfolded child with their older sibling’s metal baseball bat. But i’m hopefully going back to my semi-sporadic schedule, maybe posting once every week or two, or if i’m feeling extra inspire-y i’ll do more :)

yo anon you’re legitimately one of the coolest people ever from this description alone my smoker lungs could never do sports tf i’m jealous-

anyways, are you ready…. to…..RUMBLLLLLLLEEEEE?!!!

i match you with…

HAJIME IWAIZUMI (27) ATHLETIC TRAINER (woooooo!!)

Lucky lucky you!!! (this got very long I got carried away-)

Listen, I can already TELL this one is gonna be a good one

You’re a polyglot? He could listen to you speak all day, he would even try to help you learn another language with flash cards, even if he has no idea, you’re you, it’s important!

He can’t draw, but he sits at the kitchen table with you nevertheless, and has some fancy art paper and materials for you (because you deserve it) and some 8x11 printer paper and a 12 pack of colored pencils he purchased form the local corner store. He often wants to draw you, the warped ms paint-looking drawings are quite charming, and you find yourself keeping them in your bag, or on your desk.

You in turn, give him a portrait you drew over the course of a while to him as a part of a birthday gift, and he brings it wherever his job takes him, pressed neatly in a clipboard or notebook, he sometimes brushes his fingers over the lines drawn by you as if it was strands of your hair

Imagine this real quick: medicine??? Being an athletic trainer??? those studies are kind of similar, so y’all would meet in class hypothetically in the weird idea bank that is my head

Iwa is a complete sucker for interesting features in someone, green eyes? He will melt, and thinks about your eyes and how they light up when you smile, when you look at him he genuinely loses his train of thought and starts to lose his cool and stutter a little bit, oikawa teases him a lot about it, you two are close and

it’s a match made in hell when you two go party together, and you guys have to get Iwa to come pick you guys up (i feel like every writer on here has made a post about this very scenario, its just canon at this point)

When you had your football games, (idk what position you play but i hope you mean the soccer kind of football bc thats what i’m imagining) he’s always at the edge of his seat on the side of the field, if you score a goal/block a goal he stands up and he’s cheering for you, or even better, when you look at him, he has the most supportive look In his eyes, and smiles at you, and shit, the other team knows they can’t stand a chance now.

When you’re doing MMA, he finds that SO HOT PLS-

Forbid if you ever get hurt while doing sports, he will run to your sides where he is watching you and make sure everything is okay, because he can’t have someone else go through that, not on his watch ouch lmao sorry

you two often play sports together in the park or something, maybe a morning run or two to keep yourselves active during the pandemic (can you tell i’ve barely ever even thought about athletics i’m so sorry)

You guys definitely have one of those friend groups where you do shit like climb a mountain or do a bootcamp for fun and post it on social media

The two of you look GOOD in athleticwear together.

strong people are his absolute weakness, both physical and mentally

When he sees you caught up in a rant, even if its about something serious, a part of him smiles, since that passionate energy is what attracted him to you in the first place

when you told oikawa that he looked ugly in the outfit he picked out, Iwa laughed so hard he couldn’t fucking BREATHE for like ten minutes

On a more serious note, when you’re not feeling your best, he stops everything to make you feel better. One call and he could be on the next car ride, bus, train, or flight home, ready to tell you that you are loved and valid. Everyone loves your presence, he reminds you, and if your’e comfortable with it, he invites oikawa and the rest of your friend group for a self-care/movie night, just to show you just how much everyone wants to be around and how they and him will just show up to you, no matter what.

He’s your safe space, and wants to spend every part of his life with the thing that matters most- you.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #sea.matches #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #iwa chan #iwaizumi #hajime iwaizumi #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuuu matchup #hq iwaizumi #hq #iwaizumi x y/n

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farfromtommy · 4 years

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🥝 - "You're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that won't be true. It'll be because you're an a**hole." - The Social Network With Peter x Stark!reader please. It's not my favourite movie or quote but I thought this would be funny with Peter x stark!reader. Well done for the follows!!!! So proud!!

a/n: im so sorry this took forever to write ive had 0 motivation to write but I DID IT!! AND IT WAS SO FUN! <3 this is unedited and probably sucks but i’m trying to get back into writing actual fics and work less on my social aus! leave feedback if you like it and reblogs are always appreciated

masterlist social media au masterlist taglist

Peter Parker is your best friend, that’s a given. Your dad brought him on to join the Avengers and introduced you to him, saying you needed more friends. You were homeschooled most of your life, being a Stark and all that. Your dad realized you needed to develop better social skills and had you enrolled in Midtown.

Everyone at Midtown couldn’t believe that THE Y/n Stark would be attending their school. Everyone knew Y/n Stark, daughter of Tony Stark, head of weapon and suit design for the Avengers, heir to Stark Industries, probably the next Iron (wo)Man and leader of the Avengers.

Imagine the surprise when you walked in through the doors on your very first day, chatting it up with Peter? He was showing you around and talking to you like it was nothing.

“Penis Parker! Why are you bothering this lovely lady? Don’t you know who she is?” Some guy came up to you and Peter as he was showing you your locker, shoving his way in front of your face. You looked the guy up and down with a look of disgust and looked around him to Peter. You raised an eyebrow and Peter mouthed ‘Flash’ and you looked back at him.

“Hello there Miss Stark. What are you doing talking to Parker over here when you could be talking to me? The man of your dreams.” Flash grabbed your hand and brought it up to kiss the back of it. You quickly took your hand back before he could and chuckled dryly.

“Uhhh I don’t think you are the one I’m dreaming about.” You shut your locker and walked past him and let Peter lead the way to your next destination. Everyone around looked at you in shock and then started laughing at how Flash made an absolute fool out of himself. Peter led you towards his locker where Ned and MJ were standing waiting for him

“Hey, guys. This is Y/n. Y/n this is Ned and MJ.” You waved to them before shuffling a little closer to Peter, feeling shy and nervous to meet his friends he always talks so much about.

All Ned could manage to stutter out was a ‘hi’ before he was whispering to Peter about how he couldn’t believe you were here. MJ stuck out her hand with a smirk on her face.

“I saw you make a fool out of Flash. I think we’re going to be good friends.” You let out a short laugh and then shook her hand. Ned couldn’t stop asking you questions about your life and telling you how cool he thinks you are.

The rest of the day passed with some minor incidents. A few teachers asked if some of the Avengers would be interested in coming in as guest speakers. A group of girls pulled you to their lunch table and begged for you to go to a party they were throwing and kept asking you why you were hanging out with the ‘losers’. You rolled your eyes at them and got up to take a seat right next to Peter and tell them about how ridiculous people were being.

---

“I don’t think high school is for me. I was there for one day and I had half the school throwing themselves at me. Did I tell you about the girl who followed me into the bathroom and waited right outside the stall because she wanted a picture with me?” You threw yourself onto your bed, exhausted from the ridiculous day you had. Peter chuckled at your dramatics and sat in the chair at your desk.

“I can’t tell you how many girls came up to me today asking if I was really friends with you. A few asked if I wanted to go out with them sometime, probably so I would introduce them to you.” He leaned back and threw a rubber band ball in the air. You let out a snort and sat up, clapping your hands to get Peter to throw the ball at you.

“Why are some girls so … weird? They were lining up to ask me on a date just so they could meet you. Like, how shallow is that? Girls like that would never date some weird nerd like me. Like you. You would never go out with someone like me.” He said, throwing the ball to you. You caught it and looked at him, a bit taken aback.

“Girls like … me? You’re putting me in the same group as those girls? Shallow and self-centered? Are you kidding me?” you scoffed and stared at him. His eyes shot open, realizing what he just said.

“No, no. Y/N, that’s not what I meant. I wasn’t calling YOU shallow. I just meant that you’re popular and all that just like them, and people like that are shallow and only care about looks.” He scrambled to backtrack and fix what he said.

“You know what, Peter? You're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole.” You stood up from your bed and crossed your arms, still staring him down.

“Y/n please that’s not what I meant. You aren’t like that! Those girls would never like me, for me! Tell me honestly, Y/n. If you showed up to school today not knowing me as you do, would you talk to me?” He stood up to stand in front of you.

“God, Peter. For a smart guy, you are really dumb. Tell me this, Pete. If I’m “one of those girls that would never like you”, then why am I absolutely in love with you?!” You yelled out. Peter opened and closed his mouth like a fish. His eyes so wide you thought they were going to pop out of his head.

“Wait, what?” He held his hands up and just stared at you.

“Peter, I’ve been in love with you basically since the day we met!” You exasperated. Peter walked up to you and grabbed your hand.

“Don’t mess with me. Because I will literally kiss you right now, this better not be a joke.” He whispered. You grabbed his face with your free hand and kissed him quickly and softly, just to test the waters. The second you pulled away he let go of your hand and brought his to cup your face. His eyes darted across your face before he pulled you in for a deeper kiss. You smiled into it and brought your hands to rest on his chest.

He pulled away after a few seconds, rubbing his thumbs along the apple of your cheeks. “Can we please do this tomorrow, in front of Flash? He may actually have a heart attack.” Peter smirked and you swat his chest with your hand, mumbling ‘asshole’ under your breath.

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pochapal · 3 years

Note

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking:

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3.

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it.

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with.

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

#Anonymous #long post #read all of this if you have vested interest in knowing intimate details about my life or whatever

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vaguely-gestures-to-the-void · 3 years

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Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

As always, thanks for being here my friends. There’s definitely more nuanced discussion of this show, but I’m here for the vibes. Anyways, here’s my thoughts on Episode 3 of Loki. Bear in mind I hadn’t watched episode 4 before I wrote the review for 3. No hate on anyone/thing, it’s all my opinion.

Episode 3: LAMENTIS

Pre-title scene

I rioted when I heard Hayley’s voice. It’s a win for all of us.

C-20! Sylvie!

C-20’s lil dance was adorable. I love her.

I want Sylvie’s tie dye.

Is that Ralph Bohner?

The same place, but at night. Coincidence? I think not.

Sylvie’s powers have limits. She can’t search someone’s mind and take information, she needs them to willingly tell her though she can use her powers to do that.

TVA

Sylvie’s experienced. Always tie your hair into a bun before a fight.

Her music is nothing like what we’ve heard previously. It’s the Sylvie show folks.

The mural on the left side of the hall is the one from the credits scene.

The plaque above the elevators says ‘FOR ALL TIME ALWAYS’.

Even in the mural on the right side, the Time Keepers aren’t equal, the middle one takes up the most space.

Ravonna!

I love how their movements are similar. The head-snap-hair-flip combo is nearly identical, reflecting how they are the same person to some extent.

2077 Lamentis - 1

“Get off my leg!” SiblingTM energy.

“Goodbye, variant.” She sure has the Loki drama.

I finally remembered it’s called a TemPad. Rip.

“Don’t ever call me that.”

“Tech savvy?”

That’s so Ragnarok.

I love the music as we pan up to the planet. It’s the familiar, anxiety-inducing ticking for me lads.

“You idiot! This is Lamentis - 1.”

“I don’t know what that means!”

My siblings when I can’t restart the router (every country has an AT&T).

I like that it’s a moon that’s inhabited. It’s nearly always the planet, still not great for the people on it.

That slide to get under the dump truck was so smooth.

“So we’re a team now?” Jesus Loki needs friends. Probably a good therapist too.

“Didn’t need your help!”

“You’re so weird!”

I like the way Tom runs. Don’t know why. Just do.

Sidenote, my favourite running form is Chris Evans’.

Sylvie’s magic flickered so I genuinely think the enchantment didn’t work.

“Well then I’ll cut it out.” I like the way she says that. I am questioning so many things rn.

“Just because I have to work with you doesn’t mean I wanna hear your voice.” It’s ironic since they spend so much time talking about themselves.

“Alright, well, slow down… Variant.” They really play off each other’s egos to find weaknesses.

“You don’t know what you want.” Sylvie’s more straightforward in everything she does. She efficiently points out Loki’s flaws but when it comes to a goal, she’s meticulous.

“...just walk away.” Loki stops walking, but Sylvie does walk away. There is distance between them (for now).

I’ve had experience with mining towns like this one and whilst they weren’t so out-of-this-world (ya know) there is a tendency for rural and isolated communities to struggle with old/not maintained infrastructure. This is not everywhere, but it’s not uncommon from what I know. Even though these towns are a source of wealth, there isn’t distribution of the money and it’s a grim reality that’s being shown. I appreciate it.

The shot of them walking past a slab of that planet towards the hut is incredible. Wow.

The person in there is just waiting for their death. I’m going to be addressing a lot of the harsh realities in this episode folks so it won’t be so cheerful.

I understand that people weren’t so happy with this being a filler episode, but I think they got it right. It’s strange that a literal planet-moon collision doesn’t bring the tension that the hurricane did in the last ep, but by having an atmosphere that wasn't so omnius, they conveyed (to me at least) that hope was already lost. In the Roxxcart Disaster, the people believed that it wasn’t going to be the end. There’s desperation on Lamentis - 1 but as Sylvie said, the collapse of society occurs. That’s a large group of people realising that class divides will cause slaughter. It’s greed portrayed in two different ways, one being the integration of excessive capitalism into society, the other being social structure based on oppression. Not everyone’s reading into Loki like this but it’s a change from how Marvel usually approaches conflict.

We learnt about the characters and whilst I’m not a fan of when a plot line is moot (my bet is that Loki and Sylvie will be rescued next ep, making all the attempts to get off Lamentis - 1 pointless), it’s necessary for the characters to develop. The way Loki and Sylvie end up on Lamentis - 1 makes sense and the plot doesn’t feel forced.

“It’s remarkable that you made it as far as you did.”

Devils is recurring in this episode. Maybe this has implications on future episodes?

“Which one was that, diplomacy?” Why are their interactions so funny?

I don’t think I need to comment on the significance of the train station scene.

I would like to acknowledge that though this is good writing that’s relevant in the time it was released, we shouldn’t forget it’s coming from large corporations who aren’t perfect.

How do they just walk past the line?

The people who snitched were right in front of them.

Did the cat get Loki’s silvertongue? That was the most graceless lying I’ve ever seen.

Sylvie not sitting with her back to a door makes sense, but why won’t Loki go backwards on a train? They both have little quirks.

“That’s not a plan. That’s just doing a thing.” Loki went to the Thor school of planning, it’s Get Help all over again.

Loki’s exaggerated nods at the other guards lol.

Sylvie growls whenever she’s mad, it’s hilarious.

The close ups of their faces when the conversation gets personal and isn’t just trading jabs is great for conveying the authenticity of their answers.

Loki not pressing Sylvie when she clearly didn’t want to talk about what happened to her mother is something I appreciated.

Here’s to Tom for having to do magic for more than 10 years now. He’s so serious, I can only imagine how funny it is without the effects.

“Well she did.” Yeesh, has Loki gotten time to grieve?

Sylvie is genuinely impressive.

“Pity the old woman chose to die.”

“She was in love.”

I don’t quite understand what they were talking about then, I guess we’ll find out later?

Loki, why are you so unnecessarily dramatic?

I laughed. Who am I kidding, they’re dorks and I love them.

Loki is trying to find out anything, anyone who could be used against Sylvie.

Here’s to the postman, they’re probably dead but we appreciate Sylvie’s happiness anyways.

“A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.” AND THAT’S HOW YOU WRITE IN REPRESENTATION FOLKS!

Let’s just take our scraps and be happy, eh? It made my week.

They both need real relationships of any kind, guys.

“Love is… uh, something I might have to have another drink to think about.” Me whenever anyone asks me about my love life.

“You do realise… ...a civilisation’s only hope?” I think this was Sylvie’s way of making sure Loki’s (albeit grey) morals and drinking habits don’t interrupt her plan.

The train sure gives me Snowpiercer vibes.

Do I have to talk about Drunk Loki?

Tom’s singing voice is lovely.

Sylvie’s eyes shift nervously to the door and then back to Loki. She’s initially tense but she relaxes slightly though she knows she’s gonna have to clean up the mess.

“Nobody cares. It’s the end of the world.” Again, Loki’s headspace is one where existence is futile.

The green walls contrast the purple lighting nicely.

You can see plants (?) from the outside if you look out the windows. Talk about attention to detail.

Bruh what is the dagger about? Drunk Loki’s a comedic genius.

The descending notes in the background of Loki’s fireworks.

Sylvie’s smile when she goes to attack is animalistic. I’d like to see her character explored more in terms of how she views violence.

YEET.

“You’re right. I’m a god.” Loki’s defense mechanism is to state that his motives are above the understanding of others.

“You’re a clown.” Sylvie tells it as it is.

Loki and Sylvie’s reactions to the TVA contrast the most here. Sylvie is potentially motivated by vengeance or a need for revenge whilst Loki has resigned to numbing the pain (for now at least) as he comes to terms with his reality. The question of what drives you is so important for these characters, I’m excited to see whether they’ll find a common ground and wreak havoc on the sacred timeline.

Loki and Sylvie both struggle with communicating in a healthy way. Sylvie calls him out on his directionlessness and Loki tells her what may be the harsh reality of her plan. Neither of them are willing to accept it, but there’s potential for a strong bond if they do.

Sylvie’s scream lmao.

I love the colour of Loki’s pants.

Problem? Solution! Do thing! Is Sylvie’s method of thinking when all is lost.

Gosh I love the shots in this episode.

“That’s a pretty good life.” Sylvie’s definitely not lived as a royal, or not from what she remembers.

“I just need to know if I can trust you.” Sylvie giving up how she enchants people is an olive branch because as useful as the things that Loki told her may have been for manipulation, they both know the importance of her upper hand. But she only relents once Loki doesn’t have the TemPad. Later, when she asks whether she can trust Loki, it’s more of a reassurance because he’s already been vulnerable around her.

The actor’s body language and facial expressions are incredible. Loki’s eyebrow’s furrow slightly when Sylvie mentions C-20’s mind but Tom takes a second for the information to be processed rather than instantly reacting to Sophia’s next line. She does the same when Loki talks about the TVA workers being created. What skilled people they are.

The city is a wonderful piece of set design.

“We do, and you can.” They step into the light, neither of them have tunnel vision and are able to see a bigger picture.

“They’re gonna let these people die.” This show explores a side of Loki we haven’t seen before, his morality and compassion. He has grey areas that could be explored in the next season. It also points back to how Sylvie and Loki differ in their view of others. I think this is partially because of their childhoods. Loki was raised as a prince and cared about his people, but Sylvie doesn’t share that perspective (“...they usually survive”), maybe because of her past. Hopefully in the upcoming episodes we’ll get a bit more of her backstory.

That sequence is beyond words. The constantly rotating and revolving camera really hammers home that it’s a disorienting fight for their lives at the end of the world. I’m speechless, just watch it.

The music in that blue-purple-pink club was banging tho.

Loki and Sylvie’s posture, facial expression and general body movement is similar. The variant point is hammered home here.

It’s interesting how Loki is in shock/denial of the Ark being destroyed whereas Sylvie immediately leaves.

The end music of this episode is beautiful. I love how it all builds to leave us on the soft tones of Dark Moon.

No one’s interested, but my mum and I bonded over the Jim Reeves version of this song and the Bonnie Guitar one.

Ep 3 review

Short episode with not much going on other than character development. However, if the first two were anything to go by, this episode will have greater implications on the plot. The pacing of this show is a bit strange, but we may see this change in the next season.

I mentioned previously that it would be a shame if the entire plot of this episode was made irrelevant by how they get off Lamentis - 1 next ep. This show has been really good at keeping us on our toes with the writing so they probably won’t take turns that have been speculated.

Happy mid-season guys! The following two episodes were apparently Tom’s favourites so we can expect some mayhem up ahead. See you next time!

Here's the link to my Ep 2 review

#loki #loki review #loki (2021)#i've stayed inconsistent in all these tags and i'm not about to change #my opinion #opinion #loki spoilers #spoilers #spoiler

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lt2archive · 3 years

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The former One Direction star and solo artist reveals his plans to manage woman rock bands, and tackles those pesky One Direction rumours

24 November 2020 • 4:05pm

“I’ve just watched loads of s___ TV,” he says after a long pause. “The Undoing is decent, isn’t it?”

He's getting ready to rehearse an exciting one-off gig that will be live-streamed from a secret London location on December 12, announced today exclusively via the Telegraph. The proceeds of the night will be split across four charities: The Stagehand Covid-19 Crew Relief Fund and Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice and Marcus Rashford’s charity FareShare, to help end child poverty. Tomlinson will also be donating money to his own touring crew, many of which have been out of work since March. “I've been incredibly worried about them and felt incredibly powerless, so wanted to give something back.”

The gig also means a great deal to Tomlinson on a personal level. His first ever tour as a solo artist, to promote his debut solo album WALLS, was cut short back in March after just two concerts in Spain and Mexico. It was an album he’d spent five years working on: a guitar-led project that ruptured with the preppy pop anthems of One Direction, inspired instead by Tomlinson’s love for Britpop.

Was he left reeling, I ask, unable to perform at such a crucial moment?

Sure, I say, but the last year can’t have been easy. Didn’t he feel like his purpose had popped?

In return, Tomlinson is good to them. Last month he even promised some new music, saying that he’d written four songs in four days. Does this mean that a second album is on the way?

It must be draining, I say, the weight of expectation in both the media and across his fanbase, to be a spokesperson for grief and hardship. To have tragedy prelude everything he does and says.

“Honestly, it’s part of being from Doncaster as well, I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s the last thing I want.”

Too many incredible memories to mention but not a day goes by that I don't think about how amazing it was. @NiallOfficial @Harry_Styles @LiamPayne @zaynmalik . So proud of you all individually.

Has he spoken to Frusicante?

“I f______ wish,” snorts Tomlinson.

Surely someone as well-known as Tomlinson could easily get in touch?

“No, honestly, I think he’s too cool for that. He’s not into that kind of thing.”

So: might 2021 be the year of resurrection?

Tickets for Louis Tomlinson Live In London are on sale tomorrow from 4pm

#lt live from london #nov. 24 2020 #press #the telegraph #nov 2020

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selfcareparker · 3 years

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hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

#lovely anon #<3

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youeggbastard · 4 years

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Can I get any/all of the General and Love questions for anyone you want 🥺🥺

Yes 🥺 Sorry for the long post

Original Format here for anyone that want’s to use it

Ellie and Kaidan

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

There wasn’t really one person who took the first step for them, it was more like. It was kind of a group effort, they were both in love with each other, they both knew it but they both knew that they weren’t exactly in the best position to have anything, so there was just a lot of longing stares and unsaid things between them for the longest time. So by the time they actually took the next step so to speak it kind of felt like they have already been with each other. If that makes sense.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

I mean, do you count clearing out caves of bandits or hunting dragons as first dates? Because I do and I consider the first time Ellie took Kai dragon hunting their first date. So there was a lot of cursing, a bit of fire, and all other fun things.

What was their first kiss like?

It was very sweet at first, I mentioned before that there was just a lot of unrequited feelings and yearning between them, so when they finally kissed it was like the dam broke free.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

Kai was Ellie’s first love and relationship, she’s had sex before and all that good stuff, but he was first person she ever fell in love with, and I guess I would say Ellie was Kai’s first good relationship that was actually built on love.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

I have no idea the actual height of Kaidan, but I’m assuming it’s in the 6 foot range, and since Ellie is only five foot there’s at least a foot of height difference between the two. As for age, I think someone claimed Kai is around 25 so there’s probably only a couple months to a year age difference between them.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

They’re both orphans, so they are each others family 🥺

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Both of them are pretty reclusive but I would say probably Ellie, she’s more approachable and a better people person at least.

Who gets jealous easier?

Ellieeeee, her jealousy is a weird kind of jealousy, it’s not that she doesn’t trust Kai. But she’s always struggled with self confidence issues and her self worth so it’s kind of hard to see someone flirting with Kai and not at least have that sliver of doubt or that moment of: he might be happier with that person because they aren’t a doom driver dragonborn werewolf combo. She’d never say any of this though.

Love

Who said “I love you” first?

It was kind of an unsaid thing between each other for the longest time, but I guess if we’re going on technical it was Kai.

What are their primary love languages?

Gift Giving and Acts of Service. Ellie gives him books with little notes she writes in them as well as cool rock she finds. Kaidan always makes sure she has food in her knapsack, her water pouch is full, etc etc.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

PDA is probably pretty rare between them it’s mostly all about the eye contact, but when they’re alone cuddling is an absolute must.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Adventuring, they have a home but I lowkey think the both of them are happiest when they’re wandering about Skyrim and further, sleeping under the stars, and getting up to all sorts of trouble.

Who’s better at comforting the other?

Kaidan, hands down. Ellie with all her sweetness is horrible at comforting other people, she just kind of stands there awkwardly, occasionally she’ll just try to feed you sweets? Luckily Kai knows that when she does that she’s trying her best.

Who’s more protective?

Funny enough, it’s actually Ellie, I think it’s mostly because of her beast blood and the wolf like tendency to protect your pack. She’s not possessive she’s just a bit on the protective side, but she’s like that with all of her friends.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical, but only when they’re alone. Luckily the two of them are secure enough in their relationship that they don’t have to constantly be touching or reciting poetry to one another to show that they love each other. They both already know.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

Am I using this a chance to show my Spotify playlist I made for them? Yesssss But i would say the best song with be “Would That I” By Hozier

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

We all know Kai’s wide variety of nicknames he has for the ldb, Ellie will usually stick to calling him by name or My Love if she’s feeling really special.

Kaidan & Jen

I Hope you don’t mind but I wanted to answer these additional ones for these guys too 🥺

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

(To the tune of Sk8er Boi) He a cultist, she was a vigilant can I make it anymore obvious?

What was their first impression of each other?

They tried to kill each other, and almost succeeded ❤

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Nope, for obvious reasons.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

Romantic feelings don’t come until way, way down the line and then I think they both ended developing feelings around the same time, you know after they learn to trust each other and actually become friends. But it’s Kai who acknowledged his feelings first.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Oh yeeahhh, by the time they develop feelings it’s less about the fact they once tried to kill each other and more of their own personal issues. Kai thinks Jen couldn’t love him because of their past and is scared of what admitting that would do to their friendship they have now. Jen has essentially had her love used against her every time so when she falls in love with someone she just assumes she’s going to get hurt. Very badly.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

They would probably laugh in your face and then develop feelings later and be like “wait, shit no.”

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

Depends how you look at it, Kai was the first to confess his feelings and Jen didn’t take it well, it took her getting over herself for them to actually acknowledge their feelings and make something out of it. But it was Jen to first initiate they sleep together.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

I’m going to count Kai taking her to Shadowgreen Cavern as a first date, it was very sweet at first until Kai told her that he loved her.

What was their first kiss like?

There was a lot of unresolved tension, and unsaid feelings so it was a pretty passionate kiss. Both of them knowing that it was a lot more than just a kiss but both too scared to acknowledge that or what it would mean.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

I was about to say they were the first relationship where they haven't tried to kill each other, but even that’s not true. So Probably the first healthy relationship they have, if you ignore their rocky start, as well as first husband/wife.

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Jen is around 5′7, so Kai has a good couple inches on her. They’re the same age with Jen probably being a few months older.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Kai’s family is dead as we know, and Jen’s dad tried to sacrifice her so if I do end up bringing him back for conflict reasons, I can’t imagine the relationship would be very good.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Normally Jen.

Who gets jealous easier?

Kaidan, Jen usually just finds the people that flirt with Kai funny and will sometimes join in just to get him flustered.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?

Kaidan, like I said Jen doesn’t take it well.

What are their primary love languages?

Primarily Acts of Service for both of them, Jen’s language of love is mostly gently mothering people until they get annoyed.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

Pretty Often actually, Jen is a very physical person, sometimes she just needs a reminder that she’s alive and that the other is alive so touching reminds her of that. It was a bit of a culture shock for Kai who, at least I think, is extremely touch starved.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Both of them are content doing their own thing but in the same vicinity. Jen gardening while Kai reads in the garden, that sort of thing.

Who’s better at comforting the other?

They are both good at comforting, though Kai maybe just a bit more because Jen can be a bit much.

Who’s more protective?

Kaidan, he wishes he didn’t have to be but honestly it’s Jen fault for Never wearing armor and always charging into battle without thinking.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Like I said, Jen is a very physical person, but she always goes out of her way to remind Kai that she loves him after learning he probably hasn’t heard those three words that often in his life. I think Kai relies more on being physical with his affection, than verbal, I imagine he feels like his words won’t do how much he loves her justice.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

Time for me to shamelessly put ANOTHER playlist I made for this specific couple But I’ve been wibing with the song “War Of Hearts” by Ruelle being their anthem or “Hate Me” by Eurielle

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

The thought of Jen calling anyone “My darling” or “My dear” get’s me feeling things.

#asks #Oc: Eleanor #oc: iphigenia #Jen x Kaidan #Ellie x Kaidan #Kaidan skyrim #my oc

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