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beardedhandstoadshark · 2 years

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top 5 classes you used to hate in middle school?

Short version: Sports, Latin, English, German, Philosophy

Long version: (the German part’s just one big rant. A really long rant. Seriously don’t read this if you like your mood to stay good. If you still wanna, skip the part between the red lines, please.)

Sports. Not because I suck at it (I mean that too, but) because the teacher we only had in 6th grade was one of those who a) blatantly favor the sporty 10%, b) think any kind of injury is only serious when it bleeds and c) just randomize the grades. Our 5th grade teacher was incredibly cool, which just made this switch even worse. 7th was ok again tho. Also we shared our two tiny gyms with another school, so we sometimes had to spend our entire break walking over to a bigger, public (?) gym. Which we usually also had to share with other classes from our or another school. And sometimes they showed up unplanned so suddenly there were more classes than there was space available for. Also changing in front of others kinda sucks. Plus personal stuff that makes sports suck even more. AND we’d always play games requiring some kind of ball so I had to keep wearing glasses to see said ball, which is really not that great when it lands in your face. So yea. Not the class itself, but literally everything surrounding that class.

Latin. But only when we actually did Latin, 50% of the class would always be the teacher just. Talking with us about whatever, and we still somehow managed to get though everything, so that’s cool, but uhh. Yeah no, Latin was just boring. Which sucks because the later texts we got about the mythology and stuff were actually kinda interesting. Also screw Caesar.

English. I just don’t like memorizing things and analyzing texts is boring.

Also I never actually learned English from this class and only got good at it once I started using the internet. (…which is also why it probably sounds a bit weird at times.)

All this analyzing made me pretty good at spotting rhetorical devices ‘~used to further convince the reader of the authors opinion they are laying out in their text/speech without directly stating it~’ though (quoting every text I‘ve ever written here). But that didn’t really happen until high school so it doesn’t count. Also actually analyzing those was pretty boring too.

(Teacher rant incoming. Seriously. It’s a long rant. Again, don’t read this if you like your mood to stay good.)

———

German class, it would’ve been the same as English, but our teacher for the second half loved. Pulling down. Students. The man got a kick out of just picking a bunch of students and hating on something they do. Or don’t, and just gaslights them into thinking they do for 2,5 years.

That guy is the reason I can’t properly talk to people without clamming up anymore, I‘m convinced of that. Like. I was fine speaking to others before this jerk showed up, then in my first year of high school when picked I couldn’t even properly say a single sentence without having to force it out anymore. It got better again, sure, but this clamming up, getting stuck on words, being terrified to talk to others is still there, and I wasn’t even his favorite person to pick on. Maybe it was just a badly mistimed coincidence tho, idk.

Also he was obsessed with short stories, we just did short stories for 2 years. A friend used to have the theory he‘s actually an unsuccessful short story writer letting out his frustrations on students and yea I can see that.

We also had another teacher who’d give two people with the same amount of points a different grade because he, and I quote, had the feeling one wrote something better than the other and it would’ve been unfair to that person. On an exam HE graded. And it’s not even the worst thing he did with grades, nope. By his wish, one of our exams was replaced with a complete chapter by chapter summary and analysis of a book we were reading, which we had to work on for three months both in and outside of class. Now idk how points work for y’all overseas but usually, when people get 50% of points, that would be a low 3- or high 4+ (grades are like A to F but the E exists), if you basically have all points, that’s a 1/A, right? And not handing out anything is pretty obviously a 6/F right? Makes sense, 0 points, didn’t do anything, worst grade, right? I had 94/98 points and he gave me a B+. But this wasn’t my main problem, oh no, my problem was, and I‘ll never forgive him for this, the grade of the person who was sitting in front of me.

60% of points, and a 5 . The same grade he gave people who didn’t hand in anything at all.

Yeah.

And his excuse? Take a guess.

He felt like everyone else wrote something much better so it would’ve been unfair to those higher up if their grades were only slightly better. Excuse me I AM ONE OF THE HIGHER UPS AND THAT IS BULLSHIT (is NOT what I said. But I sure wanted to!) Did call him out for it though, a lot more politely, to which he just responded with said excuse and also dropped a 'besides, you have a good grade, so you can be happy about that‘. The audacity.

He also never explained why he gave out 5‘s as the worst grade and not 6‘s. I sometimes still think he genuinely meant 6 but confused it with y’all’s F (since the E doesn’t exist and 5 also starts with an f) lol.

Oof that was quite cathartic. Anyways, off to the last one!

———-

(RANT OVER)

Philosophy, our teachers were mostly pretty chill, but it’s boring, causes existential crises, the way students got into this class was a bit shady, and school screwed up so much we actually didn’t have a room to have the class in for half a year, so the first 10 minutes were always spent searching for a free one, sometimes longer. One time we couldn’t find anything so we just did the class in the cafeteria instead. It was actually quite funny lmao

#another anon ask #rant #long rant #vent #does it count as venting???#just. lots of frustrations #sorry about that #felt nice to write tho #i can see why people have blogs dedicated to ranting #not trying to make it a regular occurrence though #this is just quite the extreme #middle school sucked #actually school sucks. Just in general #turns out your experience in school is HEAVILY dependent on the teachers you get!!#who would’ve thought!! /s #shoutouts to Norway or smth I heard they have a pretty good school system #or another country that’s somewhere near them idr

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stephspurs · 3 years

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A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction

Hi besties!! here is the long awaited part 9!! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did whilst writing it!! a big thank you goes to @emwritesfootball for proofing this part & making sure its up to scratch for all of you lovely readers! Let me know what you think babes hehehe!! Love Always, Steph xx

Part 9. | nona parte

word count; 2006. writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter. next update; Friday 13/08 5pm AEST. Updates are three times/week (Monday, Wednesday & Friday)! tags (as requested by users); @footballffbarbiex @obsesseds-world @abysshaven link to fic masterlist here

The season kicked off in the middle of August and Amelia had been more than prepared for her first match in the premier league. She spent day after day analysing the players in the first team, introducing them to the magical world of rehearsed tactics. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for the brilliant girl; she had to learn how to implement the plays coupled with the speed of the game. But so far, so good. Chelsea have been winning and her plays have been working, the boys were getting the hang of it - no matter how apprehensive they were at the start.

Jorgi played a big part in demonstrating the success of the play, performing best in his midfield role to guide the game and direct the change in play to his teammates. By the time they had played a few fixtures, they had really gotten the hang of her approach to set pieces and began to put their trust in the young girl. They were starting to see results and wanted to keep the winning streak going while they could. The fourth fixture in the new season was one that Amelia was looking forward to, personally: Chelsea v Aston Villa, Stamford Bridge, 3pm kick off.

Jack and Amelia had grown closer and closer, FaceTime‘dates’ as Jack would call them, a weekly occurrence. She had spoken to him just as much as she had spoken to Jorgi - and they were still carpooling to and from Cobham together. Her friendship with Jack was full of easy conversation and flirtatious banter, teetering over the line of friendship but being that they were kept physically apart, the friendship line remained largely intact. One person that had drifted even further away from her, despite her believing that it couldn't be possible, was Ben Chilwell.

Every time she walked into a room that he was in, if he didn't have to be there he would immediately leave. Amelia didn’t understand what the problem was. Yeah sure, they were flirty together in Mykonos but they never crossed a line together, no matter how many times the wine went straight to their heads. If anything, she should be the one running away from him. She was the one who sent him a couple of messages here and there that he just opened. She spoke to Mason, Jorgi, Billy Gilmour - who was another one of the boys she had developed a strong friendship with - and all of them insisted they didn’t understand their friend's strange behaviour.

On the evening before the Villa match, Amelia was laying on the couch in her townhouse binge watching yet another docu-series on Netflix when her doorbell rang. This was strange, most people that came past the house these days had their own set of keys (her parents, her brother, Jorgi) or they texted to let her know they were outside. Her townhouse was three stories high, so if she was upstairs on the top level vacuuming the chances of her hearing the door were slim to none. Either way, she got up off of her loveseat and walked to the front door, peeking through the peephole - she lived in London, alone, she wasn’t opening that door until she knew exactly who was on the other side.

______________________________________________________________

“To what do I owe this visit, Benjamin?”

“Hi, Mils.”

“Wow, nickname basis already - I thought only friends called each other by their nicknames.”

“Did you think we weren’t friends?”

“Well, friends don’t treat friends the way you’ve treated me since the evening I left Mykonos.”

With a sigh, Ben looked down at his feet. I did feel a small bit of guilt for that one, but he deserved it. Continuing to find the cracks in the marble step of my door’s threshold more interesting than facing my expression, I took a step back and forced Ben to look up at me.

“Well, are you going to come inside? I’ve got the kettle on and a really good series going that I would like to get back to.”

With a charming smile, Ben took a step forward, took the door handle out of my hand and shut it behind him. Slipping out of his shoes, he followed me down the short hallway to my kitchen and pulled a seat out at the island bench.

“So, really now - why are you here? Nervous about tomorrow?” I questioned as I took two cups out of the cupboard and brewed one tea for him, one coffee for me. 3 years in Italy and coffee in the evening became the norm for me. It was my comfort drink.

“I’m here to apologise for the way I've been acting towards you for the past six weeks. I’ll be honest, I don’t know why I’ve been like this”

“Cut the crap Ben, you know exactly why you’ve been doing it. Now tell me the truth or, as far as I'm concerned, you never came here tonight and tomorrow we will be back to how we were yesterday - you running away from me and me pretending that it doesn't bother me. Even though all it does is bother me.” Not expecting that outburst to come out of me, and to be fair neither did I, Ben looked me in the eye and stayed silent, choosing his next words carefully.

“The first time I saw you, the night you told your brother off in the rec room at St. George’s Park, I thought you were the most determined woman I had ever seen in my life. Not scared of the 30 grown men who were very obviously all on the same side, literally. Then the next time I saw you, after the final match, how you comforted your brother when you were at the highest of highs and he was lower than low, I thought you had more compassion than every person in that stadium put together.”

“When you came to SGP again the next day and delivered the tactical analysis of the game you won, I thought ‘wow she is so intellectually brilliant’. And then when you turned up in Mykonos, all sunkissed and relaxed, sitting next to me and involving me in conversation with my pals but making me feel like you wanted my contribution...I remember it like it was yesterday. Amelia, you smiled at me and my heart did a somersault in my chest.”

“You shut me down outside the club that evening, and when we came back inside I caught the end of your conversation with Jorgi about Fede. Putting two and two together, I understood all that I needed to. The few days after that we carried on like normal. Then, you left and I didn't know if I would ever see you again to be fair. When you messaged me, I got too nervous to reply because I didn't know how to just be your friend. And then when I thought I had finally gotten through a day without thinking about my friend's little sister, you showed up at Cobham as my tactical analyst. I didn’t know what to do Mils, I don't know how to be just your friend when I've had nothing but unfriendly thoughts about you since the first time I saw you command that room of men you had never met in your life.”

The whistle of the kettle ringing out behind me is the only noise filling the kitchen. I’m staring at Ben; he’s staring back at me with nothing but truth behind his eyes and his heart on his sleeve.

“Benj, what you were feeling, what you are feeling is totally valid and I never want you to feel like you can’t share those feelings with me. You’re right, Mykonos changed things for me. What you were feeling was reciprocated, but Ben, I was going back to Italy. At that exact moment, I had no idea I would end up here. I thought I was enjoying a break before another high-intensity season in Italy. I wanted to kiss you so badly at the club that night, but I knew it would only hurt you. I’m used to being hurt, it's a feeling I've grown to expect. But you, you’re too pure to experience the kind of hurt that comes along with knowing you’re making a bad decision, but doing it anyway, because I wanted to be selfish with your heart.”

“Amelia, can I ask you something?” I nodded, holding my breath as I braced myself for the question poised behind his eyes. “If you were in the mood to be selfish, what would have come from that evening?”

“I can probably show you better than I can tell you,”

Walking around the island bench, I pulled the back of Ben’s chair slightly so he pivoted towards me. Standing in between his tracksuit-covered legs, I ran both hands up his arms until I got to his neck and finally beside his face. Threading my fingers through his hair, I pulled his face towards mine and our lips met. It was as soft as a butterfly kiss but as powerful as anything I had ever felt before. His hands wound around my waist and settled themselves on the small of my back before travelling down and giving my backside a gentle caress, forcing a laugh out of my lips and straight into his mouth. Pulling away slightly, so we both had a bit of breathing space to sort out our lightheadedness, Ben spoke his next words very softly.

“I need you to promise me something, Amelia.You need to promise me that you will stop thinking about my heart before your own. I am old enough to make my own decisions, and the decision to ignore you for these past few weeks has been one of the worst ones I've made in a really long time. But I did make it, and it was because I got scared, and I hurt you, and I am so sorry. The decision to come here tonight however, I feel like it more than makes up for that one very very stupid one”

“You’re such a smooth talker, Benj.”

“Say my name again, Mils, you don’t know what it does to me.”

“Down boy, your tea is going cold and I need to find out who killed Sophie in West Cork.Meet me in the lounge.”

A few hours had passed and it was nearing 10pm, well past Amelia’s bed time, but Ben was still sitting on her couch, feet on the table (despite her telling him to remove them) and arm around the back of her shoulders.

“Chilly, I don’t want you to think I'm not interested in you because I so am, I just don’t want to rush into anything. What I left behind in Italy was complicated and heavy; I'm still trying to learn how to exist without him if I'm honest. I want you to just give me the space I need to grow into my own here in the city, if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course it's okay, Mils. From what Jorgi has told me about Fede, I can understand why you want to take it slow now. But please, don’t call me Chilly. My friends call me Chilly, and Mills. I thought I made it clear before that I don’t want to be your friend.”

“To me, you’re Benj. Thank you. Wait - what do you mean what Jorgi has told you about Fede?”

“I may have asked a couple times about you, and for the record, he is team Bamelia.”

“Bamelia? That is the ugliest word I have ever heard. Never use it again.”

“How can it be ugly? It's mostly your name, and nothing associated with you could ever be considered anything less than beautiful.”

“Stop being so smooth Benj, you’re going to make me blush in a minute.”

“Good, can’t wait to see how you could possibly look even cuter than you do right now.”

“That’s enough Benjamin.”

“Okay I’m done now.”

Part 10. | parte dieci

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erin-bo-berin · 4 years

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My Heroine

MASTERLIST

This fic was inspired by the song My Heroine by The Maine which you can listen to here, if you’d like. The song I’ve come to realize sounds like it can have multiple interpretations, but I was inspired to use the whole “reader is Spencer’s drug of choice” plot. Not gonna lie it was rough writing about his prison trauma cause I consider it to be one of his biggest traumas, but I kinda wanted this to be a journey from his avoidance of it to his eventual acceptance, all while sex is his “heroin” or the reader is the “heroine” in his story. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy. Happy reading!

Spencer Reid/Reader

Rating: M (smut)

Word Count: 4,460

I’m feeling pretty dirty baby

Forgive my sins

I get the feeling you can save me honey,

My heroine

The silver gleam from the sharp blade caught his eye as it hit the light. In any other circumstances, the sharpness of it might actually be considered beautiful.

This was anything but beautiful.

This was horrifying.

The metal was so closely pressed to skin that even a small flinch could draw blood.

“Never ever mess with a man’s stash on the inside. When you do,” the man paused for a second—a millisecond—before the knife sliced across the skin, ripping the hostage’s throat open.

He struggled against the person holding him, his momentary shock and need to help his friend making him fight the grip of the big man, even more.

“People get hurt,” the first guy said, backing away.

The second man let go of him, his friend falling to the floor, choking on his own blood. While they made their departure from the laundry room, he ran to his injured friend’s side, grabbing a towel to hold against the wound.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he repeated, kneeling over the only friendly face he’d known in the last weeks.

If he repeated it enough, he’d be okay. He had to be.

“Guard!” he yelled.

His hands cradled his friend’s face as he lay gasping and wheezing, the fear in his eyes matching his own.

In all the years, throughout all the things he saw that most normal people didn’t, he’d never been as terrified as he was right now. His heart raced from the fear and he was breathing heavy as he screamed as loud as he could.

“HELP! HELLLLP!”

Spencer shot up in bed, breathing hard.

His face was sweaty, his entire body was sweaty, in fact. His t-shirt clung to his skin.

He kicked off the covers, sitting on the side of his bed, running his hands through his hair. He tried in vain to calm his pounding heart and slow his breathing.

The nightmares hadn’t stopped. If anything, they’d gotten worse.

A rare burst of anger caused him to shove the object that was sitting on his nightstand, off of it with extreme force.

He glared at the journal on the floor where it had landed haphazardly. He didn’t want to write in it like his therapist suggested. It didn’t help him then and it wasn’t going to help him now.

He rubbed his eyes, trying desperately to erase all the images that constantly played behind his eyes, regardless if he was asleep or awake.

It was the middle of the night, but he knew what he needed. He grabbed his phone off the charger and sent a quick text.

I need a distraction.

The recipient would understand, he knew. It was only 1 am and they were known to be a night owl anyway.

He grabbed a pair of pants to change into and pulled them on in place of his pajama pants. All he had to grab were his car keys and his phone and he was out the door.

It’d only been six months since Spencer had been released from prison in which he spent three long, grueling months in.

He had been framed.

That was the first thing he remembered thinking, even under the influence of heroin and cocaine, in which the unsub had drugged him with. He had been sitting in a prison cell in Mexico, but deep down he knew he hadn’t done anything, even if his mind was scrambled and tried desperately to convince himself otherwise.

Fucking Cat Adams. If she hadn’t been such a psychopath, he might’ve admired her intelligence and skills to pull off something so elaborate, but alas, she was.

Her and her female partner Lindsey Vaughn had been watching him, waiting to strike. All because Spencer had arrested Cat and outsmarted her. It’s where she belonged after all. She’d been a

hit woman, operating in the shadows of the dark web that even experts in the area couldn’t even fathom.

She, along with four other assassins had been working for years before any law enforcement even knew of their existence. Spencer and the rest of his fellow Behavioral Analysis team had been the only ones to get close enough to them. Close enough in fact, to take them all down, every last one.

Cat Adams though, had been the hardest one. She was one to play mind games and she hated to lose. Which she had against him; he’d outsmarted her and she was the one who’d landed in a prison cell.

Of course, being the kind of person she was, she wasn’t going to take that lying down. So, she returned the favor.

He had been determined to help his mother—Diana Reid—who’d been suffering from paranoid schizophrenia all his life, but now had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. He was smart, he was sure he could help her, fix her maybe.

There’d been a plethora of drug trials, medicine combinations, diet changes, but nothing helped. So without his teammates—who happened to be the closest friends he had—knowledge, he had been crossing the Mexico border numerous times to get medicine for his mother, one that was definitely not FDA approved.

It was one of these trips that Lindsey—and technically Cat too—had struck.

She’d dosed him with a spray of scopolamine, pumped him full of cocaine and heroin and murdered the woman he’d been meeting to get the vials of medicine from.

It was bad, really bad. He was the prime suspect in the murder and that is how he ended up in Millburn Correctional Facility pending trial for three months.

Thankfully, the BAU had worked their asses off to clear his name, but in the time spent in prison he had experienced some pretty awful things.

If that hadn’t been bad enough, Cat had orchestrated another evil plan. Lindsey had managed to kidnap his mother.

Less than 12 hours after being released from jail, he was back in another one to face Cat again and play her games.

She had been executed for her crimes and the additional charges she faced for framing him and kidnapping his mother. He wasn’t the least bit remorseful; if anything, he was glad he’d never have to deal with her again. He dealt with her in his mind enough as is.

Spencer didn’t deal with emotions very well, so it was no surprise to himself that he didn’t stop to process his trauma.

Instead, he found other outlets.

He’d known Y/N for several years but had done an awful job of keeping in touch as the years passed. He’d recently reconnected with her before his arrest and then he’d pulled away again.

He felt bad for never telling her until after the fact, but he’d been embarrassed enough.

She was a good friend, one who had said she would do anything to help him if and when he needed it.

That’s how the arrangement began. It’d happened once, by accident, but it had helped him forget everything when he needed it the most.

Which is why at 1 a.m. he was headed over to her house, just to forget everything for a while.

Your hips, my hands, you swing and you dance

Yeah, I’m feeling pretty lonely baby

Just let me in

The door to her apartment opened to reveal her barefoot and in a long, oversized t-shirt.

“Hey,” she greeted him.

He didn’t waste time with the greetings, he kicked the door closed with his foot and grabbed her face, kissing her.

Within minutes he had her pressed up against her door, hands roaming under her shirt as he kissed her hungrily.

He wanted to forget.

Needed to forget.

She moaned into the kiss. Lucky for him, she got horny easily. She was always ready to go at it whenever. Maybe it had something to do with him, although he didn’t know. He never really took the time to dwell on it.

His fingers stroked her bare stomach as his tongue moved against hers. Her hands clutched the bottom of his shirt, pulling away long enough to help him yank it over his head. Her shirt followed suit.

For a while, they stayed there, top halves pressed against one another as their lips moved together in a complicated, yet simple dance.

They made out for a while, while Spencer forced his brain to empty and focus on her. It finally worked as he felt his crotch tighten, his need for her now more than just something to get him through the night.

She led him back to her bedroom and within minutes was kneeling in front of him, pulling his cock out of his pants.

“You gonna be a good little girl and suck my cock?” he mumbled, looking down at her with lidded eyes.

Normally, he would never fathom talking like this. But something had changed within him in the last six months. He was rougher around the edges, he quite literally didn’t give a fuck anymore. Which proved to be true since he quite literally had a fuck buddy—something the old Spencer wouldn’t even consider.

He cared about her, but like him, she didn’t want anything serious, so he never felt too bad taking advantage of her this way. Weren’t they both using each other anyway?

“Your wish is my command,” she purred, making his cock throb even more.

The moment her mouth touched him, his eyes closed in pure bliss, the feeling chasing the nightmares away.

His hand threaded in her hair, guiding her head as her tongue glided and mouth hollowed out, sucking him like her favorite popsicle. She was amazing at this, he definitely had to give her that.

“Y/N, fuck,” he groaned, his hips bucking up towards her mouth.

Her tongue was his gateway to an anxiety free mind—at least for the time being.

He pushed her away after a few minutes. He wasn’t going to last if she kept that up much longer.

With surprising agility, he’d had her from her knees to bent over the end of the bed in seconds.

Their sessions were far from romantic love making—the type of intimacy he knew she deserved—but more animalistic and frenzied.

He knew he was selfish and instead of letting her have what she deserved from a man, he held tight to her like she was his lifeline.

In a way, she had become his lifeline. Things got worse the longer he tried to stay away from her. That’s why he always returned.

Her moans and the slap of their bodies were the only sounds heard in the room as he thrust deep into her. Even as fucked up as he was, he had to be an idiot to not admit that sex with her was incredible. She was incredible.

“Spencer, oh my god, fuck.”

Her words came out in a strangled moan as he’d switched up the movements of his hips. Instead of the fast and harsh thrusts, they turned into slow and deeper ones. He may only be her fuck buddy, but he was still gonna be damn sure she got her pleasure out of it too.

His fingers dug into her hips as he tried to erase the images of his earlier nightmare with every thrust. Usually, it worked. Tonight though, he was struggling.

Instead of disappearing, the memories kept flashing through his head like a silent movie on repeat.

The helplessness everyone felt in that prison.

The fear he felt.

The images of a group of white men who pointed a knife in his face his first full night in prison.

Two, sneering and sadistically joyful faces hovering over him as they beat him to a pulp, smothering his face with a rag.

His desperate decision in doing something so awful that it hurt more men than he intended it to.

The constant paranoia.

The fear he had become a monster.

Every single moment inside he’d spent that he had to make choices he’d never fathomed he’d have to—only to survive.

Delgado.

“Switch it up,” he muttered, pulling out of her, turning her around.

His jaw was tense, his body was rigid. All he wanted was one orgasm to erase his nightmare.

Her eyes narrowed, sensing his tension but knowing better than to comment on it.

“Let me take care of you,” she whispered.

She pushed him towards the head of the bed, ordering him to sit against it. He did as he was told, focusing all of his attention on her again.

When she climbed into his lap to straddle him, his breathing had become ragged and he was glad that the stirrings of his arousal were coming back—his sexual attraction to her luring him back in again.

She sank down on him and he exhaled sharply, groaning lowly. The feeling of her tight around him was always like drinking water after being utterly parched.

“You like that?” she purred, her hands resting against his chest, “You like when I take care of you?”

“Very much so,” he growled.

He thread his hand into the back of her hair, pulling her face towards his. He kissed her roughly, his lower half meeting the speed she’d set since she was now the one in charge. Her pelvis grinded against his, giving her even more pleasure, he was sure.

As much as he did this for his benefit, he also had a small sense of pride in knowing he could make her moan and writhe like he did. His hands cupped her breasts, massaging them and she threw her head back with a loud moan.

He could practically fall apart at that sight alone, but he managed to resist.

His lips attached to her throat, sucking harshly, sure to leave a mark. Their moves were frantic as she gripped the headboard and he bucked relentlessly into her.

They both spiraled into ecstasy, not that far apart from one another.

Sweaty and out of breath, she moved off of him, gathering her clothes and tossing his own to him.

“Want something to eat before you go?”

She asked it so nonchalantly it was as if he hadn’t just spent about half an hour buried to the hilt in her.

“No, thanks though.”

He wasn’t one to stay long after the deed, even though a part of him felt like an ass for it. Y/N didn’t deserve that. But if it ever bothered her, she never let on.

She nodded, watching him as he finished pulling his shirt over his head.

“I’m around, if you need me.”

Spencer gave a nod and headed to the door, grabbing his car keys on his way out.

You’re my heroine, but you’re suicide

If I let you in you’ll crawl inside

You save my skin

But you can’t wait to sink in

My heroine

In a way, Y/N had become his drug.

Whenever things got too hard, he went to her. But lately, it was like every time he fucked her, it only left him needing more.

His PTSD was getting worse, the sex was only distracting him for so long, but he was stubborn. He wasn’t going to give her up anytime soon.

The PTSD was also affecting his work and he knew it.

It’d been six months since his release from prison, but he’d only been reinstated for three months. He worked his ass off to get his position back and he wasn’t about to let his emotions get the best of him.

He was currently trying to focus on the geo profile in front of him, but his vision kept blurring. He rubbed his eye, trying hard to block out everything else but this case.

He was becoming increasingly irritable as well.

It had only been a week since his last visit to Y/N, but he was craving her and her distractions so much. His nightmares hadn’t ceased, he was hardly sleeping and his teammates weren’t oblivious.

They knew he was having a hard time readjusting.

Spencer doubted they knew just how bad it really was though.

The map blurred in front of his eyes again, the sight being replaced with moving pictures, his memories being played before his eyes.

Like the time he was so desperate to survive, he poisoned drugs that he was supposed to move, instead of getting involved with the situation.

He ended up causing several men to get incredibly sick—his guilt over that still haunted him at night.

Prison was an incredibly dangerous place and he had been too good of a person to survive as long as he had.

For a while he’d had two friends; Delgado and Shaw.

One was murdered in front of him.

The other turned out to be using him. Shaw ran the entire prison population. He called the shots and people listened to him. But Spencer wanted no part of that.

Making an enemy of Shaw had been deadly. In fact, it came close to being deadly. Spencer could’ve easily lost his life behind bars.

It had been months since he had been locked up, but the sense of helplessness he felt still haunted him to this day. It smothered him like the sweltering heat on a hot, summer day.

He rubbed his palms into his eyes. He felt like he couldn’t breathe while at the same time his heart rate accelerated. His sense of fight or flight was being triggered and he couldn’t stop the sense of dread that was engulfing his senses.

“Spence, you okay?”

“Yeah, I just need some fresh air,” he answered, brushing past a worried JJ.

The moment he exited the crowded police station and the cool air hit his face, he felt fractionally better, but the anxiety still gripped him.

He gripped his tie, yanking at it and loosening it, so he could breathe. The feel of it around his neck had been making him feel like he was suffocating more so than he already had been.

His therapist had told him panic attacks were normal with PTSD, but he hadn’t had them much. This was an exception apparently.

He leaned against the brick of the building and tried to focus on his breathing to bring his heart rate down. After all he’d endured, he wasn’t about to let a damn panic attack take him down.

His eyes were closed as he tried to calm down, so he didn’t hear Luke approaching.

“Reid.”

He opened his eyes, seeing his teammate Luke Alvez, standing next to him.

He wondered how he currently looked through Luke’s eyes. A mess, probably.

Luke didn’t beat around the bush, either.

“Your PTSD has gotten worse, hasn’t it?” he asked, gently.

Spencer shrugged.

“Spencer, if you need to take some time—”

“I don’t need to take time off because I’m fine,” he snapped.

Luke flinched as if Spencer had physically hit him. If anything, he knew that his outburst was just further proof at how not okay he was.

“I need to get back to work,” he mumbled, moving around Luke to head back inside.

He wasn’t sure of anything much lately, but one thing he knew for sure was when they got back from the current case, he was heading straight to Y/N’s apartment.

I feel a little withdrawal baby,

Come pick me up

Took a hit from your level

Now I just can’t get enough

Your taste, my touch

A little bit of love and a whole lot of lust

He was back at her door, knocking.

She opened the door, dressed in another oversized t-shirt—due to the late hour of night—and greeted him with a wordless nod. Somehow, he thought she knew that he was having a bad time today.

He looked like shit, that he knew. His hair was a mess of tangled curls, his eyes were bloodshot and deep, dark bags shined brightly under his face, darker than his normal appearance. His cheekbones were more prominent lately as well since he wasn’t eating much, nor was he sleeping well either.

“How do you want me?” she asked.

Her tone was dull and to the point and threw him off guard for a moment. She’d never made it about her, ever. But now, looking at her, he could see her unhappiness. Whether he caused it or not, he was unsure.

This arrangement of theirs had been only to help him forget. Too quickly, it had become like an addiction for him. She was like his drug. He needed her to forget. But maybe, at the same time, she was tired of trying to help him when he couldn’t even help himself.

He promised himself that this would be the last time. Once more and he’d let her go. He’d let her be free of him. She’d be happier anyways.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said.

He tried to be gentle as he pulled her towards him. As he kissed her, he felt her body melt into his. Maybe he had been imagining her mood earlier.

He tried to focus on getting hard, not on all the horrors that constantly swirled in his mind.

His lips moved swiftly with hers in a kiss that was anything but romantic or gentle. It was lust driven and filled with his own desperate need to be distracted.

She knew exactly what to do to get him in the mood, that’s for sure.

Her teeth tugged at his lower lip gently, her tongue almost the complete opposite of their current actions. It was gentle and hesitant as it met his before continuing its dance with his own.

He pulled her closer, his hand tangled in her hair as he kissed her more roughly, pushing her against the arm of her couch.

In the blink of an eye, he had her turned around and bent over the arm, his hand gliding over the silk material of her underwear. He felt a small swell of pride hearing her moan as he touched her. It also went a long way in helping his own arousal which was now throbbing in his pants.

He was already unbuttoning his pants as he kissed her neck, his hips pressing into hers. The more he got into it, the more he actually felt that he wanted this—that he wanted her.

With one smooth movement, he had her underwear pulled down to her thighs and he entered her with a groan.

But he couldn’t focus.

Somehow, without him realizing it, the memories had slipped through a crack in his mind.

Instead of being there with Y/N, he was back in that cell.

The countless hours sitting in a cell, trying to remember something he never did.

The desperation, the helplessness in that place.

Familiar faces he dealt with sped across his mind.

Malcolm, Shaw, Delgado, Wilkins. Frazier, Duerson, the two men who gave him a beating meant for Delgado.

The fear he felt in those final days when he had no one to trust, when he had to stab himself in the leg to get into solitary confinement, just to stay alive.

The horrible memories were flashing in his head at the speed of lightning.

“Ow! Spencer, you’re hurting me.”

Spencer snapped back to the present, realizing his fingers were creating bruises on Y/N’s hips from his too tight grip.

“This isn’t working,” he said in way of an apology, pulling out of her.

He was already going soft anyway, the previous arousal now completely gone and replaced by his racing thoughts and memories.

“It’s fine,” she muttered, pulling down her t-shirt and pulling up her underwear.

He had just zipped up his suit pants—he’d come straight from the jet—when she spoke again.

“Actually, no. It’s not okay.”

Spencer blinked in surprise at her harsh tone. He didn’t think he’d ever heard her raise her voice.

“I’m sick of this Spencer! I know we started this a while ago for...reasons,” she flapped her hand in midair as if demonstrating all the unsaid things between them.

“But I can’t do it anymore. I care about you Spencer. Honestly right now I don’t know if it’s as more than a friend or just as a friend but that’s another can of worms to open another time. You can’t keep doing this! You can’t keep coming to me and fucking me to try and rid your demons. You’ve been through a hell of a lot and you didn’t deserve any of it, but I’m not going to stand her and watch my friend destroy himself because he refuses to get the help he so desperately needs.”

Spencer stood, frozen in place, mouth agape. It was then he saw tears shining in her eyes.

“We have a lot to sort out between us, eventually, but you need to help yourself first,” she whispered, as if feeling defeated by her previous outburst.

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he could say.

“I know facing everything, processing it all is a scary feeling, Spencer. Even if you tried reaching out to a friend to talk through it, that would be a big step. I just...I just want you to get better.”

A single tear slid down her cheek and he did the worst possible thing to do.

He fled her apartment like the coward he was.

•

He didn’t go home.

Instead, he walked around the city as the daylight receded and the sun slipped behind the horizon, saying goodnight to the world until the next day.

He spent a lot of time thinking.

He ended up dashing into a busy diner he came across as the night sky opened up and rain began falling in sheets.

He sat in his booth, absentmindedly sipping on the cup of coffee he’d ordered and watched the rain fall in the darkness outside.

In an ironic way, the weather outside was similar to the turmoil he felt inside.

Just like the completely blackened sky outside, he felt just as dark and empty. The storm was similar to the storm of emotions, memories, traumas he continually tried to squash, all in the wrong ways.

He knew ignoring his problems wouldn’t make them go away; he also knew using sex as a distraction was the worst possible thing to do as well, yet he’d continued to do it and he’d hurt more than just himself in the process.

He’d hurt his friends, who’d only wanted to help, but pushed them away. He’d hurt Y/N, who didn’t deserve to be treated like a plaything, yet he kept coming back, making things worse.

By the time he’d finished his coffee, he decided what he wanted to do. What he knew he needed to do.

I’m feeling pretty lonely baby,

So just let me in

Just let me in

He’d ran through the pouring rain. He didn’t even bother to try to take any transportation. The rain felt like it was washing him clean from the horrors of the last year.

He was back at her door, but this time, for a different reason.

He was soaking wet and felt a lot like a dog with his tail between his legs, but he refused to chicken out once again. So, he knocked.

She answered, this time in actual pajamas rather than the attire she was in hours before.

Maybe it was the expression he wore or something she saw in his face because she didn’t immediately slam the door in his face—something he knew he deserved. She stood patiently, almost questioningly, waiting for him to speak first.

He took a deep breath before speaking the words he should’ve uttered months ago.

“I’m ready to talk. I’m ready to get the help I need.”

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#spencer reid #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid gifs #spencer reid smut #dr spencer reid #dr spencer reid gif #dr spencer reid fic #dr spencer reid smut #dr reid #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds gif #criminal minds fic #criminal minds smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n

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lovetenya · 3 years

Text

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐲𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰

pairing: tenya iida x gn! reader

warnings: angst. anxiety. paranoia. self doubt. unkind words. non-explicit mentions of physical pain & scarring. implied death, but i don’t elaborate. lying. worrying.

word count: about 1.8k

author’s note: nobody writes any iida angst, (barely anyone writes for him at all) and as a vehement lover of angst, i thought i’d fill that gap. i love tenya, i really do, but i love to think about him in this way just as much as i love to believe he’d be the perfect other half. nobody is perfect, not even ingenium.

loving tenya iida is yellow.

it’s the color of the petals on the soft yellow daisy bouquet that he surprised you with on the night of your first anniversary. although it wasn’t a last minute purchase (how could he forget the best day of his life?), he still wasn’t exactly sure what to get.

what kind of object can symbolize a love so encapsulating?, he thought. there is no tangible item that could possibly show how i feel.

he picked up the familiar flowers from a shop on the corner that the two of you had walked past before on a date. it was one of the first ones, and you pressed your face against the glass to get a better look at the delicate flowers inside.

he caught himself in his romantics when he thought that none of them were prettier than you. nothing was or ever would be better than this moment, where you were on your tip toes in an attempt to see more flowers. that day, he insisted on buying you a small bouquet of yellow daisies, and thought it would be sweet to indulge and revisit the memory.

the week before your anniversary, he made you promise not to execute any elaborate celebratory plans.

“honey, you know that I’d rather do nothing with you than anything with anyone else,” he said. and he was serious. he would rather sit together on the couch half-listening to a documentary (because you can’t keep your eyes off each other) than go out to dinner, where he couldn’t let down his guard.

although he liked to think that his work made the world a safer place, he couldn’t help but feel paranoid whenever you were out in public. how could he be sure that someone in the restaurant didn’t want him dead? how could he be sure that they wouldn’t kidnap and kill you just to make him suffer? if he couldn’t be sure, was it worth the risk?

he’s an iida, after all. with their striking looks and long hero legacy, it’s not exactly easy to blend in in a world whose wellbeing depends on your greatness and ability. there’s a great sense of pride in coming from a long lines of heroes, and his parents were much less than thrilled to receive the phone call that tenya was in the hospital following the incident that rendered his arm “useless”. they weren’t happy to see that he chose to leave his arm that way as a reminder of his dedication.

when they figured he was out of earshot, they asked questions.

did the doctors check for any mental ailments?

will he ever be able to use his arm again?

why didn’t they amputate?

what kind of hero accepts a physical wound and doesn’t try to heal?

what kind of hero goes after a villain on their own?

are you sure he’s cut out to be a hero?

tenya isn’t proud of the publicity his family got following the incident including a certain self-proclaimed hero killer. he isn’t proud of the wary stares he gets from his classmates. he isn’t proud of the violence he’s been forced to commit. he isn’t proud of any of it, really, but he doesn’t regret his actions; not for a second, not even when he’s painstakingly rubbing scar balm into his shoulder, hoping that at least the scars would fade.

the pain, which seeped deep into his muscles and pricked at his bones, was more than just a cosmetic concern. he couldn’t care less about a scar, but with his limited movement capabilities, he knew he’d never be able to teach his sons to throw. the doctors didn’t have to tell him that. but, of course, they did. he knew what it all meant. he saw through their sugarcoating and attempts at softening the blow. they should’ve known better.

although he’s now your tenya, he was a hero first.

before there was you, there was responsibility. before there was love and devotion, there were hero duties and combat instincts. they’re ingrained into his mind, refusing to be ignored. even when things seem fine, he can’t help but make sure. he couldn’t live with himself if his laziness were to cause someone else’s pain. that isn’t what heroes do. when you’re in public, he’s constantly scanning the room and won’t sit with his back to a door or window, because he needs to be able to see who’s coming and going. he has to make sure that everything is fine. he has to make sure everyone is safe, and everything is put-together.

he has to be strong, because there are thousands of people counting on him. he has to be strong, because evil doesn’t rest. he has to be strong, because... if not him, then who?

the day of your anniversary, you texted tenya while he was at work.

you: i hope you have a great day, my love! i can’t wait until you get home so we can celebrate! <3!!

tenya: I can’t wait either! I love you very much, sweetheart. See you later.

he came home with his arms full of the bouquet of flowers, and almost teared up at the sight of the dinner you had set up for the two of you. you always considered every worry, every caution, every gut feeling of his, and he appreciated that more than he’d ever be able to express. no words did it justice.

you’re more than his other half, you’re his everything. you’re everything he needs, everything he can’t be, and more.

you surprised him with an at-home dinner date, where it was perfectly safe and calm, and there were no people hiding in the shadows. music softly played in the background, and the daisies looked perfect on the table.

it’s okay, tenya, you reminded him. you’re home now.

yellow is tenya’s birthday present, or the envelope holding it at least.

there are only so many thoughtful gifts you can give before the inspiration simply runs out, and you have to go bigger. you have to look forward, and think of what will really leave a mark on someone’s life. you only have so many chances to get it right.

one year, for his birthday, you got him the deed to a recently-discovered star and named it after him. a star for your star. your guide in the dark. your light in unimaginable darkness. your ever-present warmth.

many years later, when tenya is long gone, his star sparkles a little brighter.

through the telescope, he seems to be waving hello.

golden yellow is the promise ring that you have no idea how tenya afforded.

you insist he take it back and that neither of you are ready for the commitment, but he refuses, of course.he’s never been more ready for something in his life. he tells you,

“i got it for you because you’re worth it.

every day with you is worth it.

i never want to spent another day of my life without promising to love you every second of every day.

every time you wear this ring, you’ll be reminded of how much i love you.

i saved for months, anticipating this very moment when i’d get to promise myself to you forever.

i promise, you deserve it.

you deserve everything, and i can’t wait to give it to you.”

and you did deserve it. and you deserve him, in all of his glory. forever.

the harsh bruises littering his chiseled body are yellow at first. they turn purple, eventually, before they fade away completely. their sting, however, is more than just the pain of broken blood vessels. they’re a concrete reminder that tenya isn’t untouchable. he isn’t invincible. he’s human, and he bleeds red.

the bruises come when his instincts send him in the wrong direction, when he dodged too late, or when he couldn’t seem to land a kick. he tells you that they’re from when he “tripped going down the stairs” or when izuku “accidentally punched him too hard during a training session.” (lies.)

yellow is the embarrassment you feel when you confront izuku, pleading with him to be more careful with tenya, and he tells you that he couldn’t have possibly caused those bruises, because hasn’t seen iida outside of class in weeks. nobody has. he’s been training more than usual, and hasn’t been at group dinners.

yellow is the sickness and guilt you feel at the realization, because you recently teased iida for not getting his homework done. he smiled weakly, pretending like it was just a foolish slip-up. it was so unlike him, you couldn’t help but poke a little fun.

“ooooh!!! class representative iida tenya, professional stick in the mud, didnt complete his populations analysis essay on time??? somebody call the news outlets!!! or an ambulance, because i think i might die from shock!!!”

he couldn’t blame you for your ignorance, because he liked that you didn’t know. you didn’t know how tired he was. you didn’t know how hard he was pushing himself. you didn’t know how hard he was working. you didn’t know how close he was to breaking. nobody did, and he liked it that way. nobody wants to see their leader falter, or hesitate, or fail, so he didn’t let them.

while he didn’t like to make you wait, he especially didn’t like to make you worry, and he figured the best way to do that was to keep it all in. he was supposed to be an upstanding hero, worthy of admiration and inspiring greatness in all, but at the end of the day, your opinion of him mattered the most.

in his mind, he was supposed to be your hero. and he tried, with every fiber of his being, to be your everything.

he was supposed to keep you safe, not keep you up at night, wondering if this morning was the last time you’d get to kiss him goodbye. he’s supposed to come home to you, and he promised, even though he couldn’t be sure, that he would. he didn’t want to lie about that.

his lies are yellow. they’re made with hope of protecting you, with keeping you safe from the evil swirling through the world.

what you don’t know can’t hurt you, right?

...right?

they’re made with intentions filled with sunshine and his golden gaze when you’re supposed to be studying, but the temptation is too strong.

his intentions are filled with the colored pencils scattered on the floor of his dorm room from when you sketched each other for the first time.

they’re filled with honey coated love, first sweet and satisfying, but eventually leaving you with a sore throat. they leave you feeling his love, but also his lies.

and through it all, you still love him, maybe even to a fault.

even when he’s yellow.

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rechoired · 4 years

Text

A problem with the Tales Of Arcadia community

First and foremost, I’d like to ask anyone taking the time to read this to please read the post all the way through before commenting on the matter. There is a lot of dirty laundry to unpack here, and some points will be building off previous ones.

I’ll get right to the point. Most everybody in the Tales of Arcadia fandom will have heard of the blog imthegingerninja / ginger-le-gay. She is one of the most well-known ToA-centric blogs, after all. (If you’re wanting to avoid her on Twitter as well, her account is Margaret Bell, or @The_Book_Bell.)

This is your PSA, TOA fandom: Ginger is a toxic, manipulative person.

This is not a claim I like to make lightly, but it’s long overdue that this issue is properly brought up within the fandom.

I’ve seen so many people wonder why the Tales of Arcadia fandom is so small. Well, I and many others very strongly believe that Ginger is one of the main reasons for that, if not the main one. To make matters easier, I’ve tried to break this down into some main points. So let’s take a look at how Ginger falls under this category.

Disclaimer: Please DO NOT look at this post as an excuse to harass Ginger or any other blog mentioned here. This sort of behavior is NOT acceptable. The point of this post is to educate those who may not know the extent of her harrowing behavior, nothing more.

1. Dishonesty and Death Threats

[EDIT: Shortly after this post went up, she started blatantly lying about me to try to cover for herself. You can see those lies being easily disproven here]

Ginger has been kicked from at least three Tales of Arcadia servers, all for similar reasons of violence. While I cannot provide screenshots as I am no longer part of the servers they were in, there are multiple witnesses that can verify the disgusting behavior she engaged in. The one I saw specifically was her saying that certain members of the fandom should be gathered up and hunted for sport, among other gross things. (Elaboration of why can be found in point 3, though it still doesn’t excuse this kind of talk)

Here is some points made by another blog that also sums up similar issues with Ginger, though:

While there were multiple instances of her inciting violence towards others, this is unfortunately one topic I cannot provide specific screenshots for at this time. But I will add them in as I can find them. That being said, I want to move to the dishonesty, something I do have a screenshot for.

While you could argue that people sometimes notice the similar things, this is far too close together to be considered an “original find”. The reblog button is there for a reason, but she instead decides to steal the OP’s premise and present it as her own original thought.

There have been a couple other blogs that have confirmed that their theories and analysis posts were often stolen and presented as Ginger’s own as well, to the point where they stopped bothering even making such posts, as the above blog points out. (Out of respect for their privacy, I will not be naming these blogs. Say what you will about that possibly weakening my point, but if she’s willing to so blatantly steal from that person shown above, it shouldn’t surprise you that she’s so willing to do it to others.)

Theory-making and analysis posts aren’t as solidly “original content” as a piece of art or fanfiction, sure, but it’s still common fandom courtesy to give credit where it’s due. Ginger has intentionally avoided extending that courtesy far too many times.

2. Hypocrisy

Most of this is going to be about past Merlin vs. Morgana drama, though there are also words to be said for the incredibly shaky relationships she forms with “friends”.

But first let’s talk about those wizards.

This is a topic I’ve tried to approach with Ginger before, but she borderline refused to acknowledge any of the points I was trying to make, and when she did, I don’t know if I just wasn’t being clear or what, but it honestly looked as though she was purposefully trying to misunderstand what I was saying in her bizarre responses. (To be fair, I was sending messages out of anger because she vagueposted about a blog I admired, calling them a “disgusting creep” because of them simply saying they’d hoped Jim and Merlin would be able to actually bond at some point... Not really a justifiable reaction to such a harmless thought, in my opinion. But my point is, I recognize that the circumstances may have clouded my ability to vocalize my thoughts clearly.)

That aside, we should first acknowledge this post Ginger made to save face after having gotten some backlash about hate-train related things (Side note: I couldn’t find the original post, so this is a screenshot I got from someone else. I did not add the writing. The text underneath it should still be slightly readable, I hope.):

Taken at face value, this is a very reasonable post. I think everybody would and should be able to agree on it. Hate-meme him for fun, sure, but don’t actually harass or insult others over a fictional character. Simple, right?

Apparently not, because Ginger’s done loads of that to others. Probably why the “LOL” was added in, I bet.

This post confused me. First of all, exploring dark topics (”angst”, as you put it) has never been a rare occurrence, every fandom has that content, most in heavy abundance. I’ve noticed no staggering difference in volume of this fandom compared to others I’ve been in. People enjoy angst not because they think the character “deserves to be in pain”, they enjoy a fictional blow to their own emotions. There’s lots of different reasons people like angst, but it’s barely ever been out of a genuine hate for whatever character’s the focus, from all the things I’ve seen. Your own friends have indulged in Jim angst and body horror posts before, does that mean you think they’re awful people? I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain something like this.

Also, way to basically admit you think all Merlin stans get off on child torture. So much for “If you like Merlin as a character, you’re valid”, am I right? God, what a mess of a post. (It’s been very recently deleted, which makes me wonder if she got more backlash on it, but just... wow.)

Let’s look at another one.

Again. Vagueposting about someone specific, I’d wager, since most of the people I’ve seen comment on this topic either think both characters are morally gray, or hate both.

But of course, when it comes to Morgana, suddenly excusing bad behavior can be justified. Ginger can call someone a disgusting creep because they want a familial bond between Jim and Merlin, that’s just wrong, but pushing the Mom-gana narrative with the genocidal abuser and Toby is completely fine, folks.

(Note: I would like to point out that I really don’t care about what theories and hopes people have for Morgana. You should be allowed to love that character in any way you want, same as I would say for Merlin. My issue with these examples is the completely brazen hypocrisy in which these two characters are treated. You’re obviously allowed to love Morgana without consequence, but the same should be said for any character of the show, and yet it’s not.)

The most obvious instance of this double-standard is well observable here, I believe:

... I think this mostly speaks for itself. Sorry, but this is very blatantly trying to excuse Morgana’s actions, here.

Oh hey, remember that post about Ginger saying that liking Merlin must mean you want to see Jim in horrible pain?

Say anything similar about her with Morgana, and suddenly she takes issue with this line of reasoning!

I’m sorry, but if you can’t take this sort of thing, then you shouldn’t be dishing it out. One of your own friends is still getting hate over the simple fact of liking Merlin, and all this mentality is exactly why.

Let’s look at one more.

Fun fact! Morgana horrifically abused somebody for centuries, tried to kill multiple kids, took horrible advantage of Claire (probably traumatized her), and canonically wanted to genocide humanity, not to mention all the OTHER murders she's committed, both directly and indirectly.

But somehow pointing any of this out “doesn’t count”. This is why the fandom keeps saying more and more things like this:

And this:

I could be going through her constant hating on Merlin and people who like Merlin for days straight, but I hope you all get the idea by now.

Again, I would like to just reiterate: You can like whatever character you want for whatever reason you want. The problem with this case is the hypocrisy and mistreatment of others, not your taste in characters.

Now interestingly enough, she’s lately been singing a different tune about the guy, switching from the “I hate Merlin I hope he dies!!!” mentality to “Oh he should get a redemption arc too :)” sort of thing.

I’m highly convinced that the only reasons for this “change of heart” is because of the constant backlash she was getting for the obnoxious amount of hate posts being thrown around all the time, but also because Aaron Waltke keeps tabs on the fandom more lately, and has spoken himself about Merlin not being a villain.

I could go on about this point forever, but I think I’ll just leave the Merlin topic with this post going through the hypocrisy of the Merlin Hate Train. In fact, here’s two just for fun.

Now onto more real-world focused areas of hypocrisy. One such instance can be found in Ginger’s Janus Disorder server.

Just take a look at this post.

While the offender in this case isn’t Ginger specifically, it still takes place in her server, and she made no moves to enforce her “No discourse” rule. All over... what? A random kudos on a fanfiction that’s not even about anything controversial since all characters involved are adults? I immensely don’t understand the point of why this ever had to be an issue, or why nobody spoke up about how ridiculous this is.

I’d also like to point out a certain user called firecat17. For some quick context, waaay back in the Kung Fu Panda fandom (around 2018), this user had been harassing people and saying incredibly vile things, a person of which Ginger had a bit of a feud, but firecat’s anon threats had gotten to the point where Ginger ended up having to block their IP.

Obviously, the user firecat was the one in the wrong, here. (Also, the irony in this comment is through the roof...)

Interesting point there, Ginger. Sure would be nice if you practiced what you preached.

Why am I bringing this random old drama up, you may ask? Well, it just strikes me as strange that someone who was so vile to Ginger is suddenly on her okay-list again, sending her asks and getting casual responses as if nothing ever happened.

To be fair, there is the possibility that they worked out their differences in private. But given the severity of the kinds of words being exchanged, I would still find that rather suspicious.

When someone who’s said things so vile can be so easily forgiven, yet something as harmless as leaving a kudos on some random fanfiction is considered grounds for harassment, it’s obvious there’s no stability or room for trust among this group of people. Unsurprising when there’s been several instances of this “friend group” turning on each other.

If you think you’re somehow different, that your “friendship” with Ginger or the others is more valued than that, then I’m sorry to burst your bubble but it’s likely not true. She’d throw you under the bus at the hint of you doing something she deems problematic, as it’s happened to multiple blogs before you.

3. Demonization of and insensitivity towards s*xual abuse victims

(This topic is one that’s hard for me to talk about, being a victim of CSA myself, so I’ve gathered some different sources to do most of the main talking for me. I tried to form more commentary on this myself, but I get too emotionally charged in my responses, and I don’t want that to cloud any reader’s perception of what I’m trying to communicate here, so I’ll try to keep most of my comments brief on this one.)

One thing recently brought to my attention about Ginger and her squad that especially bothers me is their rashness in labeling people p*dophiles and p*do apologists. If these claims were true, then I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

But these people are accusing others of these horrible things and threatening them on the sole basis of fictional content.

Now before you fly off the handle at me, let me be very clear: I absolutely understand that there are gross people out there who use the “It’s all just fiction” argument to hide their actual, pr*datory behaviors. (We’ve all probably seen at least one or two neckbeard memes of that caliber)

But like it or not, exploring traumatic themes through a fictional lens is something that has been studied and proven to be a genuine coping mechanism for some. It’s not something that works for me, but I knew a few people from past therapy groups that it worked surprisingly well for. Bringing a trauma into a controlled environment and processing it through fictional means can and does help some victims deal with what they went through.

It’s important to understand that not everyone processes their experience in the same neat, little boxes you have laid out as the only “acceptable” ways of coping. Trauma fiction and expressive arts therapy are commonly used by victims, and it does help some people, whether you like it or not.

I’m already dragging this on too much, so here are some sources for better-worded information on the topic (Warning: Most of these deal with highly sensitive themes such as gun violence and s*xual abuse.)

Source 1 - Source 2 - Source 3 - Source 4 - Source 5 (pages 61 onward, specifically) - Source 6 - Source 7 - Source 8 - Source 9 - Source 10 (and believe me, if those all don’t satisfy you, I can easily supply more.)

And this quote from source 9 I think sums it up best:

“Fiction works differently. My imagination gives me a framework to process the grief and terror and the consequences, even when I myself have not found any resolution. It allows me to enter my own traumatic experiences sideways and linger inside them, if I know I can give them to characters who might be lucky enough to find the antidote: love, connection, community, family. In other words, I can enter — and exit — the trauma loop through stories that are not exactly the same as mine.

This goes for the reader also. Recent studies periodically assure us that stories — literary fiction, hardcover books, even the simple act of reading — promote empathy. We rarely have identical experiences, so fiction is how we practice linking our similar or parallel realities so we can feel them. This seems particularly useful in our current society, where we are all so separated, and are working so hard to block the violence that keeps happening to us from our minds.

Fiction connects us, and it can also contribute to our healing. When we see ourselves in worlds we don’t live in, like The Handmaid’s Tale or The Color Purple, sometimes, that very different violence helps us finally process our own. Because as much as our memoirs and testimonies are brave and validating, fiction does not just mirror our truths so they are safe to experience; it also helps us endure the aftermath. Because long after the immediate experience is over, survival struggles onward, in every moment of our daily lives.”

While most professionals have in the past advised that victims keep their trauma-related works more private, to only show it to your trusted friends or family, the fast-growing use of the internet has led more people to sharing it in an online platform, which is not unexpected behavior.

I unfortunately don’t have the screenshot of the original post, but there was a post made some time back literally telling a fandom member to go and hang themselves over this garbage. A survivor of s*xual abuse, no less. And to top that off, one of Ginger’s squad @emmy-puff commented in support of that violent post, as well as blatantly misgendering the target of it. While, again, I was unable to get screenshots, there are multiple witnesses to this instance, one Anonymous even having called them out on it back when it happened. (I suspect that Emmy deleted that answer due to how bad it made them look.) If anybody reading this has screenshots of the initial post or the ask that came of it, please feel free to share.

I don’t care who you are or who you’re talking about, if you use misgendering someone as a way to hurt them, then you are an insult to the trans community. That is an awful thing to do, and you lose so much credibility if that’s the only thing you can fall back on when getting in a fight with someone. While this post isn’t about Emmy specifically, this is exactly the kind of hateful rhetoric that’s being encouraged in the environment Ginger’s made.

Another thing I would like to point out on this matter is an instance that happened in the ToA fandom a couple years back. I, again, don’t have screenshots available (I believe the original post ended up deleted) but the post in question caused enough of a fuss that I’m sure a few people must remember it...

A while back, there was an artist that posted uncensored, untagged r*pe art of Aaarrrgghh, Gunmar, and Jim in the main Trollhunters tag. As you can imagine, this infuriated many people. Many of which are among the list of those who’ve been labeled “p*do apologists”. Almost the very minute that post showed up in the tag with no trigger warnings of any kind, the fandom immediately got on OP’s tail about it, because they all shared that basic understanding of “This is a traumatizing subject for many people and they should have the ability to avoid it”. If the people you’ve labelled as pr*dator supporters were really as awful as you say they are, they would’ve jumped to that person’s defense, too. But they were completely against OP’s horrible lack of consideration of survivors, right alongside the rest of the fandom.

Am I saying you have to like trauma fiction? Absolutely not. Are there people that make trauma fiction that are actual pr*dators? I’m sure there are. But those people would be that way whether trauma fiction was out there or not. Gross people have existed and will always exist regardless of what media is out there.

I deeply understand the controversy, uncertainty, and stress that surrounds this topic, I promise you, I do. But the fact of the matter is, some people actually do use trauma fiction and expressive arts therapy as a way of coping, as has been observed in people even from ages as young as 5. To say otherwise is blatantly untrue. This isn’t a matter of opinion or morals, this is plain, studied facts that you cannot change about human psychology.

Nobody should ever have to go through something as horrible as s*xual abuse of any kind, and I know how deeply upsetting it can be to see certain images or stories with those themes in play. Those users with a sense of decency and understanding for fellow victims will tag their posts with the appropriate warnings. After that, it’s up to you to filter out what you don’t want to see. You curate your own internet experience, and it’s just plain irrational to try and harass everyone into conforming to your rules. While it’s an 18+ blog’s job to make sure to tag and label their content appropriately, it is your job to block the things you don’t want to see, whether you’re an adult or a minor. It is YOUR job to blacklist content that you know will upset you, because it is always going to exist on the internet, and any internet user needs to know and understand that. Multiple times I’d seen people going off about posts that were already appropriately trigger-tagged. If you don’t have those upsetting tags blacklisted by now, then the fault is mostly on you in that kind of case, not the OP.

Before I end this topic off, just one more example of blatant disrespect towards victims:

I’m sorry, but the absolute nerve of comparing some random fictional character you’re petty over to an actual pr*dator who’s terribly hurt real children is just awful. Imagine how insulted one of Onion’s victims would be if they saw that. Lord.

Ginger claims to care about victims, but she’s made it abundantly clear that she only cares about those that behave the way she think a victim should.

4. Ableism

I’m going to just show a couple posts here and let them mostly speak for themselves.

Just... my God. You looked at the definition of psychopath and decided that was enough to give you qualification to speak like this about it? Do you realize the extensive work and study of human psychology goes into the diagnosis and understandings of psychopathy? Not to mention, you just admit to thinking people deserve hate because of a mental disorder they legitimately have no control over? I’m sorry, but that is just cruel. Demonization of the mentally ill is not cute or funny. Next.

While I’m still annoyed with Emmy’s transphobic treatment of another user mentioned earlier, they make a very solid point in this instance. (The first post they referenced has since been deleted, but here’s the second one speaking out against the ableism.) I feel I don’t need to add much to this, as these points have already been argued very well by users better qualified to speak on the subject than I.

5. Manipulation tactics

This part is more observations of two kinds of abuse tactics Ginger appears to demonstrate, using the above as points of reference.

First, there’s DARVO.

Then, less formally, there’s this good point about online cult mentality.

Before you say anything, obviously I don’t think Ginger thinks of herself as some sort of deity. While it could be argued that she considers herself a point of authority within the TOA fandom maybe, I haven’t seen enough of this to say for sure how far that goes. So that point can be ignored, because it mostly doesn’t apply in this case. (The “Dictating parts of your online life” might also not apply, but I can’t say for sure as I haven’t gotten any confirmation of that sort of thing in Ginger’s group.)

But there are grains of truth in the other four points, especially that last one. Plain and simple, she’s made people afraid to speak their minds about even harmless things such as character analysis.

Ginger is someone who can’t seem to comprehend different viewpoints and life experiences. She’s extremely unsympathetic towards people she doesn’t understand, as can be observed in above examples. Assuming malicious intent from everybody you can’t understand is a dangerous and hurtful mindset to have, for both you and those who you unnecessarily scorn.

There are a few outcomes I’ve speculated should she ever come to see this post.

1. She will ignore this post completely, pretending as if it doesn’t exist

2. She will dismiss me as being some sort of horrible person, a p*do apologist or something of the sort (despite being a victim of that myself, clearly she doesn’t care about who’s actually been hurt by real p*dos or not if they don’t conform to her narrow worldview), and claim nothing I’ve said bears any meaning, despite the extensive evidence I’ve provided.

3. She will get people to try and attack me.

4. She will actually address these points in a tactful, mature, and serious manner instead of her usual act of trying to dismiss everything at the slightest hint of non-conformity. (The least likely outcome, but one can dream.)

I could add to this post all day, but it’s long enough as it is and my focus was on getting the main points out of the way. I understand that I lack some of the receipts necessary to back myself up in a few parts, but I know that many other fans have bared witness to those things, so I know there will be at least some people who’ll know what I speak of is true, and that’s good enough for me.

That being said, if anybody has screenshots of the instances I wasn’t able to provide for, it would be greatly appreciated if you could add them into the conversation.

!!!-If you have screenshots, but are too uncomfortable to get involved in this, then you can private-message them to me and I would be grateful and more than happy to add them in while keeping you completely anonymous.-!!!

(I've removed the section with all the tags, as I recognize it was probably going overboard. My goal was just to spread information, not to try and involve those tagged, but I understand how that may have gotten lost in translation and made people uncomfortable. Also, it apparently was showing up multiple times in people’s notifications when I only tagged people twice, so I’m not sure why that glitch happened, but I apologize for that annoyance as well.)

Now, to end us off, my responses to questions or angry comments I’m probably going to get:

You don’t even have all the evidence! How are we to know you’re not just lying about some of this?

Admittedly, I don’t have as much screenshot proof as I would like, that’s true. But for most of the instances I couldn’t provide for, there were other witnesses to her bad behavior. I don’t really have the need to lie when there’s already a lot of knowledge out there of the bad stuff she has done. Nor do I really have the emotional investment in this fandom anymore to lie for the pointless reason of causing drama.

Why post this on a throwaway account if you think people are on your side?

I just don’t really want my main blog associated with TOA anymore, to be frank.

You tagged a bunch of people, so you must be trying to get them to attack Ginger!

No. I tagged a bunch of people because I think this information should be heard on a wider scale, considering the position Ginger has in the fandom. I don’t want her or anybody else to be attacked, but her negative impact on this fandom deserves to be acknowledged.

Again, I don’t think Ginger or any of the others deserve harassment or cyberbullying or anything of that manner, that’s kind of what this whole post is against. And it just hurts the situation more than it helps it. What bothers me is how she’s never apologized for or even once acknowledged the gross way she’s treated people. While she might be more low-key about it now, she still treats people who don’t deserve it like garbage. There are still several people upset about the damage she’s caused to this fandom, rightfully so. I wouldn’t be so loud about making this post if I didn’t think it was something worth drawing attention to.

Thank you for reading.

#TrollHunters #3Below #TOAwizards #Tales of Arcadia #TOA

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babyloontrash · 4 years

Text

Eleven (C.H.)

Summary: Friends with benefits type of situation with Cal. He’s kind of an ass but he pounds you good and that’s what matters in fics like these.

Warning: SMUT

Words: 4,7k

His head was pounding softly when he finally opened his eyes. One short glance to his bedside table told him it was already ten o’clock and he couldn’t stop the curse from falling from his lips. Rubbing his face, he turned to the other side and looked at the girl lying beside him.

The eye make-up she had been wearing was nothing more than just a smudge, and her dark hair was all over her face. When his eyes moved lower, he could see the marks his lips and teeth had left on the pale soft skin on her neck and chest. A tiny smirk appeared on his face when he thought back to the way she had moaned when he was making them and how wet her core had been under his fingers. There were faint bruises on her hips from his hands when he had held her still.

Last night was a success.

Carefully, he reached out his hand to brush some of her hair away from her face. His lips had already parted as he was about to talk to her, but he froze for a second, realising that her name had somehow slipped out of his mind.

“Hey…,” he finally said in the end while he lightly stroked her cheek. “Wake up.”

She murmured something towards him in response, keeping her eyes closed still. Calum sighed quietly to himself before talking to her yet again, trying to awaken her. Her chest looked incredible when she suddenly reached her arms out and went for a stretch. It caught him by surprise when she suddenly rolled over and set herself down right on the top of him. She kissed his chest while her hips moved slowly against him.

“How about you wake me up properly, huh?” She suggested to him in a sleepy voice as she looked up to his face. “Then we can go get something to eat because I am absolutely starving after last night.”

He just stared at her, taking quite a long time to consider this offer. The right answer to it was supposed to be rather obvious, and yet…

“You need to leave.”

This was clearly not the type of awakening she had been hoping for, but it seemed to work out just as well. Maybe even better. She was now staring at him with her eyes opened wide while propping herself up on his chest.

“Wait… Are you being serious right now?”

“Mhhm.”

Her nails dug into his chest and somehow, in this instance he found this way less pleasurable than he had done during the night. Finally, she got off from the top of him, making him hiss out in pain once more.

“You are such an ass.”

“Okay.” He nodded, sitting himself up on the bed so he was now leaning against the headboard.

“Okay? That’s all you are going to say?” He heard the disbelief in her voice when she said that and wondered what kind of reaction, she had expected from him. If this was her opinion of him, that was all right, she was entitled to have one. He would not argue with her.

“The shirt is over there,” Calum said eventually, pointing towards the place by the door where her t-shirt was lying on the bag with his football gear. Instead of thanking him, the girl just scoffed before going to get it. He might have been an ass, but she was not with the best manners either. His guess was that she would leave this part out though when telling about this to her friends. To be honest, he didn’t really understand what was all the dramatical sighing, stumping around and sending him offended looks about.

They have met yesterday. It was obvious what was the whole interaction leading to and no matter how hard he had tried; he couldn’t think of anything that could have given her the idea that this would be anything more than a one-night stand.

“I suppose you don’t really care about my number, do you?”

If he really was such an ass as she claimed him to be, he would have laughed right then, but he didn’t. Did she really need to ask that? Chewing on his lip to stop himself from chuckling, Calum slowly shook his head. “Not really,” he admitted.

“Sorry,” he then quickly tried to add but it most probably got drowned in the shower of names she was addressing him with to herself. About a minute later, she was gone with a loud slam of the door and instead of being overflown with guilt, Calum was just very much relieved that she had finally left.

When he later met up with his friends at a party, one of them was throwing, they were all quite eager to hear about how his night had gone, considering that he had left them in the pub without saying a single word. He had been there on the bar stool one second, chatting the girl up with his usual ‘let me fuck you up’ look and when they had wanted to check how he was holding up, the pair had already gone.

Calum was never one to keep his bedroom adventures for himself. After all, what guy wouldn’t enjoy being patted on his shoulder for what a man he was. If the number of girls one had slept with was the true indicator of their worth was another thing he better decided not to dive into though. At the time being, he was happy with everything as it was. No need for any changes whatsoever.

“You know, if she hadn’t started with the let’s go for breakfast together thing, there’s a big chance I would have given in,” Calum admitted with a shrug taking a long drag from his cigarette. He felt the need to defend himself after Luke called him an idiot for passing on the opportunity of a good morning sex.

“Take a girl out for a meal after you spent a night with her, and you will not get rid of her. Isn’t that right, Ash?” His friend flipped him off for mocking him like this, even though that there could have been no doubts about that he was happy in the relationship he had gotten himself into by basically a complete accident.

“Laugh at me all you want. I’m just here waiting for the time when some girl loses her shit and kicks your ass.”

“Or her boyfriend,” Michael chirped in, making everyone except Calum laugh. “I’ll never forget how Kyle dragged you out of that pub in front of everyone. You had a big-ass black eye already forming up by the time you had realised what was going on… I’m telling you. It’s just a matter of time before you end up sleeping with someone you shouldn’t have and paying for it.”

“The mistake was on her part. Not mine. Who the fuck comes up to their boyfriend crying and tells them about how they had just gotten dumped?”

“Who have you left crying again? Please, don’t tell me it was Kelly from English lit. The last time you screwed her over I had to pay for it by making the analysis all by myself because she wouldn’t stop bawling her eyes out.” The girl who just joined them sat up on the kitchen counter right beside to where he was standing and Calum couldn’t help but let his head hang down low, rubbing the bridge of his nose. She would never forgive him for this one.

“I’ve already apologised to you for this.”

“I don’t need you to apologise. I need you to stop fucking people I know, darling,” she informed him simply with a sweet smile.

“I don’t think you knew this one,” Luke was the one to bring her peace and she could let out a relieved sigh.

“Good. Thank you.” She nudged Calum lightly with her foot, and he flashed her a tiny smile.

“Anything for you.”

She always laughed at him when he said this, assuring him that there was no need for him to try to sweet talk her, but the truth was that he meant these words more than anything. She and what they had together was incredibly precious to him. He would be damned for even risking losing something like this. Risking to lose her.

She knew how he was, and she adored him exactly that way. Accepted him with his flaws and all. Never even suggested that he should change anything about the way he lived. And he did the same thing for her.

“Keep that mind because I might need your help,” she told him. “There’s a guy over the- No! Don’t look. Not now, at least!” She quickly stopped him when he was turning his head in the direction she was carefully pointing at with her thumb. “We’ve been talking over texts for a while. He seemed fun over the phone, but I’m not sure I’m still feeling it. I’m giving him an hour. If things don’t get better and I am still bored out of my mind – you step in.”

Ashton chuckled from few meters away. “And how is he supposed to know, if you are enjoying yourself?”

“It’s easy. If I am not, I’ll have the same expression I wear when listening to you.”

Calum choked on his beer a little and then nodded his head in agreement when she gave him a pressing look. “Of course. I’ll come and save you when necessary.”

When he had agreed to this, however, he couldn’t have known that one of the most beautiful girls at the party would strike up a conversation with him. Conversation, which was getting partly disturbed by him constantly searching for his dear friend in the crowd.

“Are you looking for someone?” The girl asked, not leaving his darting eyes without a comment anymore.

“No,” Calum told her with a grin, casually shrugging his shoulders and then paid extra attention to the beauty in front of him. It lasted only for a moment, and he soon began to squirm. “Well, yeah, I am actually,” he eventually admitted. “My friend. She asked me to keep an eye out on her. She’s here with a guy she doesn’t know too well.”

It was a truthful explanation, but the girl didn’t seem too convinced and eventually moved on to someone else, who wasn’t examining the crowd for some other girl. He didn’t get to be annoyed and disappointed for too long, though. Within just a few minutes, his phone buzzed in his pocket with a message from her.

We’re on the roof. Thought he was bringing me here to make out, but he won’t shut up about stars. Come to help asap.

Was it bad that he laughed and wanted to leave her there suffering for a bit longer as a payback for ruining his possible lay? Maybe. But he was an ass, and so he didn’t feel bad about leaving her there for a few more minutes.

The door leading to the roof creaked loudly when he opened them. However, the guy didn’t seem to be bothered by it a single bit. His hand remained pointing up towards the sky with his head tilted back, while his date was sitting down on the concrete, chipping on her nail polish. She had been right. She looked the same way she did when Ashton started with one of his never-ending rants.

“Here you are!” Calum finally spoke out, making the pair turn their heads towards him. A relieved look appeared on her face, while the guy’s chin dropped slightly.

“Hey! Calum!” She spoke out, pretending to be surprised to see him there. He made a mental note to tease her later about her acting skills.

“Hi.” He waved a little and then shook his head. “I didn’t mean you though.” He shrugged and looked at the guy. “Billy is looking for you. Told me you should meet him in the kitchen.”

“Billy?” The guy looked absolutely confused and Calum had to try hard to keep it together. “I don’t think I know any-.” Calum cut him off.

“I don’t know, man. He told me to find you and looked pretty upset.”

“Oh… Okay,” the guy eventually nodded, remaining to look rather puzzled. “I’ll be right back,” he assured her before rushing towards the exit.

The two stayed quiet until the door shut closed behind him. “Who the fuck is Billy?” She asked, but he just shrugged while walking closer.

“Dunno. You said you wanted to make out on a roof. I can help,” he offered nonchalantly, making her laugh. She said nothing to that and just pulled him in for a kiss.

This was not an unexplored territory for them. There was a big difference between a simple fun, lust and love, and they were both very good at not overstepping these lines.

His kisses were leaving her weak in her knees, and he was breathless every time she pulled away. They had spent countless nights tangled in the sheets together, moaning each other’s names into the dark. There were no romantic feelings involved, but their bond was still more special than anything either of them had ever experience. They could be unconditionally themselves and didn’t have to worry about anything.

“You owe me, by the way,” he muttered out after their lips separated.

“What for?” She asked and wiped some of her lipstick away from his skin.

“I could’ve been leaving with a ten tonight. I had to drop her because of you.” Looking at him, it was very difficult to not burst out laughing, but somehow, she managed.

“Well, I am incredibly sorry.” She nodded her head. “Your sacrifice is deeply appreciated.”

Calum smirked a little. “I don’t need you to apologise. I need you to make up for that, darling.” Seeing her roll her eyes in a playful annoyance made his smirk turn into a genuine grin.

“You are an ass.”

“So I’ve been told,” Calum admitted casually, making her roll her eyes yet again.

She leaned closer to him, kissing the smirk that pissed her off away from his face.

“How about you tell me what you would do the ten you wanted to bring to your dorm?” She whispered after a moment and he smiled against her lips.

“I think I’d prefer to show your, actually.” He gave her a peck before stepping away and grabbing her hand.

Together they left the roof, eager to leave this place as quickly as possible. They were just rushing down the stairs when someone called them in the hallway. That someone being her rather disappointing date, who stared at Calum rather annoyed because there was no Billy waiting for him.

She hit Calum’s side with her elbow when he started to laugh as soon as they left the apartment building. “He was boring, but he didn’t deserve that.”

“He didn’t deserve you,” he objected, rubbing his ribs while they walked on the empty, quiet street. Luckily enough, Ashton lived close to the campus so the journey wouldn’t take them longer than ten minutes.

“Quit it,” she shut his argument immediately.

“That’s the ‘ten treatment’. I’m nice and polite, I pay compliments…”

“So the ‘ten treatment’ comprises lying and pretending you are something you are not?”

He took a second to think about it and then nodded. “Basically.”

“I’m sure your mom’s proud.”

“She is. Because she doesn’t know about any of this. And she is never going.”

She laughed. “I had a feeling that that’s how this works.”

Calum gestured his hands in the air, stopping her from saying anything. “Enough about me, though…. You look absolutely stunning tonight. I could hardly take my eyes off you back in there.” His voice was usually slow and calming, but the tone he used right now really got to her. And when a corner of his mouth moved up in this cute half-smile while his eyes quickly looked away, almost as if he was ashamed, she was honestly kind of stunned.

“Damn. You really are good.”

He chuckled and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders, pulling her to his side. “The best,” he said somewhat smugly before placing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

They walked peacefully together; him stopping her to steal a kiss or two everyone once and then. Once they finally stood in front of the dorm, he let her pull away from him so he could fish for the key card to let them in.

It all happened so quickly; she honestly didn’t even get much of a chance to wrap her mind around it. One moment he had his hand on the small of her back while holding the door open for her and the next one, he had her pressed against the wall.

He was inches away from kissing her, and she was so damn eager for him to just do it. His hand roamed over her ass and squeezed it roughly over the jeans. He dipped his hand down to the crook of her neck and placed one wet kiss right there before looking up to her face somewhat sheepishly. “You are going to make me so happy tonight.”

It was a matter of seconds during which his expression changed into a more serious one, and she could see the hunger in his eyes. She knew that look well enough.

She tilted her head ever so slightly, inviting him to come kiss her again. Calum took up on that, teasing her with his tongue before finally giving in after hearing her annoyed hums. The automatic light in the entrance hall had already turned off, but it was the last thing the two seemed to care about. They were way too lost in the taste of one another and nothing could make them pull away. Nothing except urge to get even closer to each other. Even through all the layers of clothing, she could feel him getting harder and the anticipation to touch his naked body was driving her wild. Both of them were out of breath when they pulled away, and he wouldn’t take his hands off of her for a single moment while they were heading towards his room. They would definitely make it there much faster if they could only keep their hands to themselves.

Where would be the fun in that though, right?

As they stopped in the middle of the hall yet again, Calum’s warm hand sneaked under her shirt and traced her breast covered with her bra. He smirked into their kiss when he found her hard nipple poking through the fabric. “Someone’s excited,” he muttered in a shaky breath.

“You have no idea.”

He locked his eyes on his face while she grabbed his hand and guided to the hem of her jeans. With a swift movement, she undid the button and led him under the lace of her panties. Right there and then Calum realised that bringing her with him was undoubtedly the best thing he could have done. She shivered as his fingers slowly brushed over her soft skin and her clit. He got a good idea about her eagerness soon enough when he felt how wet she was. The way his body reacted to this discovery was almost painful. As if she could read his mind, she reached towards him and stroked his throbbing cock through his jeans. His jaw tensed with him trying to keep his composure and not say a single word.

This was not the right place to be something like this.

And yet he still slid his finger between her folds and then spreading the wetness around her clitoris before giving it few circular rubs. It made her gasp. Quickly, he raised his other hand up and placed it to her mouth as a reminder to not make a sound. She gave him a light nod, letting him know she understands that she must remain quiet. However, it proved to be more difficult than not with his skilled fingers picking up their pace and pressing against her much harder. A quiet whimper slipped out of her mouth, making him glare at her warningly.

“Do that again and I will not let you cum tonight,” he whispered to her ear while his thigh made her step her legs further apart. She was digging her fingers to his hips, rather closing her eyes when she felt his fingers moving closer to her entrance. When he pushed two of them inside, she didn’t dare to even breathe for a second. She expected him to pull them out again, but they curled inside her, repeatedly pressing against the spot which made her head spin. She was just a moment away from coming all over his hand when suddenly the lights in the whole corridor turned on. The light burned against her eyelids and caused her to open her eyes. The guy could not have picked the worst timing to go to the bathroom.

Calum didn’t hesitate for even just a second to position himself better so the intruder couldn’t see anything he was not supposed to. A thing he did not do however was pulling his fingers from inside her. They continued to move inside her as if they could not get exposed any second, and she wasn’t sure if she loved him or hated him for it. Probably both. His whole hand was now pressing against her mouth since her rapid breathing and shaky legs gave it away that the high was within a reach.

Seeing her like this, feeling her shake and squirm under his touch was way too intoxicating for him to stop now. He was dying to have her come apart for him. And so, when she did just a second later it took all the strength, he had to stop himself from coming inside his pants.

Finally, bathroom door finally closed behind that guy and they both gasped for a breath at the same time. Calum smiled at her as he took a step back and licked off the glistening juice from his fingers before he motioned for her. “Come.”

She wanted to punch him. Seriously. But she quickly closed the button on her jeans again and followed him into his room, which was only a few meters away.

“I can’t believe you’ve done that,” she once they got inside.

“I did nothing. You are the who came all over my hand while some random guy walked past you,” Calum said with a grin. When he noticed that she was not grinning back at him though, he stepped closed and kissed her lips softly. “You are not really mad, are you?” He wondered quietly.

She wanted to say yes just to make him feel a bit bad for what he had done, but the truth was that she wasn’t, not really, and so she gently shook her head at him.

“See.” A bright smile appeared on his face once again. “I know you are kinky. That’s why I like you so much.”

She rolled her eyes at him and nudged him with her his as she moved past him. “Get naked, you dumbass.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice to do this. His jeans were painfully tight now, and he couldn’t wait to get rid of them. By the time he finally got disposed of all the clothing just like she had asked him, she was already sitting on the bed in nothing but her panties. One time he had mentioned how much he enjoys taking the panties off. She had laughed at him when he had said that it is like unwrapping a present, you wouldn’t want someone else to do that for you either. It made him smile.

When he got onto the bed, he pushed her to lie back. Gently, he made her to rise her hips up so he could take the lacy underwear off. He took his time, taking in the sight in front of him as the tips of his fingers glazed over her skin. He let the panties fall to floor and abruptly tugged her hips closer to him. He was about to reach out for a condom, but she was already handing one to him. He put it on easily and after that he could finally do what he had been yearning for. There was no need for them to rush this. His cock pushed inside her slowly, and he cursed at the heavenly feeling that washed over him. He kept her legs spread open in the air as he rocked his hips forward and back, looking for the best pace for them. As his moves became faster, the sound of their groans and moans echoed through the room. He loved how she wasn’t ashamed of touching herself when he fucked her. With one of her hands working her clit and the other pinching one of her nipples, she looked absolutely perfect. Calum shifted his body for a bit and set her feet on the mattress. He wanted to kiss her, trace his tongue all over her breast, which kept moving up and down in a mesmerising motion because of his thrusts. She smiled at him when his face got closer to herself and watched him take one of her nipples into his mouth. Her body moved against his, her hips buckling up to meet him forward just so she could feel him insider her a bit longer. He was making her see stars, and she was going back and forth between squeezing his bedsheet and gripping his shoulders. It was put to a stop by him when he suddenly took her wrists into his hands and put them above her head.

Not because he didn’t enjoy being touched by her, god no, he loved the feeling of her hands. But he also loved to see her battle with herself, struggle to keep her arms up and not to move. Especially when the excitement was taking over. She never lasted long, but she always at least tried, which was honestly somewhat endearing.

There was nothing that would rile her up more than this, and so sharing his thoughts was exactly what he went with.

“You’re cute,” Calum said as he moved his mouth to her other breast. Her lips that had been previously forming a perfect ‘o’ now shut together and before he knew it her hands had shot up to grip on his hair, making him hiss quietly as she made his head tilt back.

She made him change the position, determined to ride him so she could show him how ‘cute’ she truly was. He would have to be a complete dumb ass to complain. He was more than willing to let her have her way and as soon as she sunk down on him, he was burying his head back into the pillows. She always went all on in, taking him deep inside her and then just rolling her hips around. This time was no different.

He had tried, he really did, but with everything that had happened, the image of her reaching her climax in the middle of that corridor still fresh on his mind, he couldn’t fight it much longer. Not if she would not take it easier on him.

“Babe…,” his voice was hoarse, knowing him as well as she did, she had to know what he was planning on saying.

She did not seem to care though, and by the way she smiled at him, he had a feeling this was a revenge for earlier. Since he had not given her a chance to hold it together before, she would not give him one either.

When he burst into the condom inside her, he decided to think of it as her loss more than anything else. By being petty, she had just ruined her chances to have even more fun.

But man, was he wrong. She touched herself in front of him over and over again. No matter how exhausted and drained he was feeling, she somehow got him hard a few more times by putting on such a show.

The sun was already coming up when both of their heads hit the pillow with the plan to go to sleep. Calum was slowly drifting off when she spoke out.

“What’s my number, anyway?” Her voice sounded playful, but she was genuinely curious.

He took a second to think about it before answering. “Eleven,” he finally decided.

“And what do those get?”

“I take them out for breakfast. Now go to sleep.”

#calum hood #calum 5sos #calum hood smut #5sos smut #5sos fic #5 seconds of summer smut #5 seconds of summer fic #calum hood one shot #calum hood fic #5sos one shot

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teaveetamer · 3 years

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I don’t know if I’ve told this story here (I couldn’t find it when searching key words, but Tumblr search is garbage), but if I have I’ll tell it again.

So I’m from a decently small town, but if there’s one thing we were not starved for it was an amazing English department. I mean you gave these women coal and they could not only turn it into gold, they could turn it into any other element on the periodic table. Really, just wonderful, intelligent people all around, I’m even still in contact with a few of them.

Anyway, one year, I believe my Senior year, we’re reading The Catcher in the Rye. For anyone that didn’t have to suffer through this book, I’ll give you a brief summary:

Holden Caulfield is your resident teenage fuck up that seems to have an unhealthy relationship with sex and a higher than average fixation on youth and innocence (the implication being that he might have been sexually abused as a child, though this is never outright stated in the text).

Within the book there is a scene. Holden has been kicked out of his boarding school due to his bad grades, and he decides to return home to New York and bum around the city for a few days before returning home and presumably facing his parents’ ire over his expulsion. After a series of misfortunes (mostly self inflicted) he is completely out of money and he visits an old English teacher of his that he got on well with. The teacher offers to let him crash on his couch before returning home. While Holden is sleeping, his teacher comes in and kind of... stares at him? Pets his head? (Wikipedia says he petted his head but I only remember staring, but it has been a few years). Either way, Holden freaks out, assuming his teacher is coming onto him, and spends the rest of the night in a subway station.

We, as a class, are discussing this in the context of the aforementioned possible sexual abuse. You know as another piece of evidence that could point to that interpretation.

And one girl.

Ho boy.

I don’t want to say anything unkind but you know that kid that would always try, like, waaaaaay too hard to seem smart? And they would invariably say something very, very not smart in their quest to seem like the smartest person in the room?

That was her on this day.

We’re discussing the abuse theory and I can see her getting sort of agitated out of the corner of my eye. The discussion bounces back and forth a few times and finally she puts her hand up.

She says, in the most done with this shit voice, “Well, actually I think that the teacher was staring at Holden because Holden reminded him so much of himself as a child.”

Whole room is silent.

I dunno if you’ve ever had a social interaction in which you said something that did not go over well, to the point of borderline offending the person you’re talking to, but they’re waaaaay too nice to say that to your face? That basically played out in real time on my teacher’s face. Her lips purse, eyebrows draw together like she’s trying so hard to think of a good response.

Loooooooooooooooooooooooong pause

Then, through gritted teeth and a polite smile my teacher just says, “I don’t think there’s anything to support that...”

Which honest to god just sticks in my brain because in all my 12 years of English classes up to that point and every subsequent year since, I have literally never heard an English teacher basically flat out say “yeah, no, you’re wrong” about anything.

Anyways this is a really roundabout way of me saying you can’t just make shit up in literary analysis. It’s not your work, you don’t get to invent shit that wasn’t there just because you think it makes for a cooler/smarter/more interesting story. If you do that then you can’t expect people to take you seriously, and let’s not pretend it’s literary analysis anymore. Simple.

#Plus I just wanted to tell this story #I loved my English teachers #Also do tell me if I've told this one before #because I remember typing it out at some point #but I don't remember if I ever actually posted it

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indimlights · 3 years

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✨Merry christmas Cille✨

To: @birthdaysentiment 💛

-> From: @indimlights (Rodrigo)

Hi Cille! I guess it's up to me to kick off this "little" surprise but I don't even know where to start...

I remember really well the first time I saw a post of yours, I was still lurking back then and the moment I read it I felt so many things, things I don't know how to describe and that I never thought words could make me feel and I knew, I just knew that I had to see more. Fast-forward a couple of hours I knew your blog by heart, I had looked at so many of your posts and every single one was as amazing as the first one, as touching as the first one and as deep as the first one.

The meaning you put on words still gets to me every single day, you have such a way into them and don't even get me started on your music analysis. The moment I read the first one I was mind-blown! The things you catch, the connections you make between the music and the scene, the way you describe the scenes, it makes me go back, relive the moment and feel everything I felt the first time I watched it and all this just by... reading your words! If that doesn't tell me how amazing you are with them I don't know what will.

From that day I always wished I could talk to you, get to know the person behind the words, behind the masterpieces, behind the blog because you seemed like such a sweet person and now... After some time, I got that chance and I'm so happy I got it. You are everything I thought you would be and 1000x more, you are sweet, caring, smart, loving, wise, joyful and so supportive to me and to everyone in this community! You always spread love and that's so important and so nice of you to do, the way you write essays in the tags for everyone's posts just shows that! It's such a simple thing but means so much.

And I'm not even mentioning how talented you are with non-written posts because those are on another level aswell, I mean you always surprise me with your ideas and creativity and just knowing that whenever I come here I will have some sort of attack waiting for me just keeps me going and I love everything you do so much.

I'll never be able to thank you enough for being so welcoming when I barely knew anyone and for making me feel so much more comfortable here! Getting to know you better and to share this experience with someone like you has been a blessing and I wouldn't change any second of it, thank you for everything you have done and for always being so sweet to me. I don't understand what I did to deserve all that but that just shows again how wonderful you are.

I'm wishing you a merry christmas! Surrounded by everyone you love and that makes you happy because you deserve that and so much more, please never change, never stop being like this, a special and wonderful person. I hope you enjoy this surprise :) Have a wonderful day Cille 💛

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-> From: @remy3010 (Remy)

Hihi Cille❤ I love your blog so much especially music analysis! I just fall in love with your music analysis since your first posts.

For me whose mother tongue is not English, it takes a while to read but I'd love to. Because these articles deserve more people to see (including me)！

I have read every article of yours, the content touches me all the time. (Sometimes I have a lot of words want to tell you, But I don’t know how to speak in English..sorry🥺so I give❤ and reblog)

Anyway, thank you for writing beautiful words and sharing with us! I hope you can keep this passion forever, and everything go well. May you have wonderful days my friend ❤

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-> From: @franboos (Francine)

hi bb cille,

wanted to tell u that i love u blog and the time u put into analyzing stuff is shhshdhdhdhd. queen shit. u seen so genuine to talk to idk, i get those nice, non judgmental, relaxed and cool vibes from u. lmao. pls stay on tumblr for as long as u can cuz i love ur posts. u notice such little things in clips from wtfock, like u have a very detailed eye miss hehe. i really want to get to know u more cuz i really think we could vibe v well together, and that’s on perioood 😌. i hope u have a great great day while reading this queen. never stop what you’re doing cuz ur great at it. i love you !!

many kusjes and knuffels*,

fran

(*knuffels means hugs but also stuffed animal in dutch, did u know that? otherwise now u do, nice isn’t it)

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-> From: @dagcutie (Pauline)

hey hey cille!!

I must admit i’m very much a fan of you and your blog

first of all, your posts? chefs kiss!! i mean your music analysis are amazing and so on point, your photo edits are always perfect and the colorings are so beautiful, your long text posts 'drabble/headcanon style' are so cute and always makes me so soft and emotional...

your love for black and white? that’s a big yes!! anyways everything you do is perfect!!

also can we take a moment to appreciate your person? i think we can and we must do it..

you’re always so supportive and kind, all the nice tags you let under peoples creations are so sweet!! I also could cry about how cute you are always leaving lovely messages to people inbox or coming randomly to them to say something nice.. you’re the most beautiful soul and a blessing for this fandom!! please never stop being you!! ily a lot, sending you all my love and i wish you an amazing day<3

knus og kys til dig💛✨

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-> From: @allee-sander (Tanya)

Cille, you are an amazing person. you are so kind and loving. every time i see you on my dash, my face lights up. you are a literal angel. you are loved and appreciated, never forget that.

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-> From: @tsjernobyl (Emma)

Cille, you are a genuinely kind and loving soul who's just on this site to talk about the things you love and spread a little joy and everyone can tell that the moment they go onto your blog. i've seen you be nothing but lovely to everyone you interact with and it's a real honor to be mutuals with you and interact from time to time. You are always one of the sweetest and most supportive people here, and i hope you feel that love flowing back to you at all times because you always have my warmest wishes and love!!!!!

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-> From: @dreamaur (Ann)

How does it feel to be so cool and sweet and supportive??? I love you and your mind and how you see so many details and capture them so well with words,,,queen keep going with your top tier analysis and text posts that make me emotional everything single time

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-> From: @annonymannonym (Alice)

Where do I even begin ummm ... well words may not be enough to describe such angelic human being that Cille is but today is about her *about you Cille* !♡! Honestly I’m so so happy and honoured and so grateful to have meet and know you and come along your blog and your amazing posts and edits , let’s s not forget about the masterpiece that your analysis is cuz I live for every single one of them ! Always so on point and touchy and so so emotionally, they give you a whole new perspective and point of view and helps you connect with the person that goes throught those feelings , helping you understand so much deeper the feelings and the emotions he experience in that right moment( so thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking your time and writing these it really shows how much passion and love you put on making these! they absolute helped me to understand and feel much more the meaning behind all these little moments you captured so so well and wonderful ! ) You’re always such a blessing here so lovely friendly so goodhearted and sooo on ... < insert here all the good compliments in the world > cuz they all applies to you ! Know that you’re so special and such a light a sunshine wherever you are and go , you always spread so much positivity and good energy and love and compassion and you support every single people your way comes along with and you shown so much respect and love and understanding ! Always with a wise and thoughtful mind and with the right words at you using them with so much care and mining fullness ! And your blog i love love love it the b&w aesthetic and your love for it owns my heart !! I adore your posts so much ( or ramblings or thoughts as you may call them but know they are so so much more than that its a way of yours to express yourself and open up and pour every feeling you experience and many people found themselves and feel with you , I find myself in them and resonate with them every time ! ahh and your tags that you write in every post are sooo sweet and cute i could read them all day long just coming on your blog and read them makes my day so much better ) they are such a good way to brighten your day and they put a smile on my face whenever i see you on my dash truly a blessing to have you here! Never forget how unique and special human being you are and every one who has you in their lives are very blessed to have you ! Never change being this beautiful inside and out but most importantly inside ! literally a tresure your soul is and must be protected at all cost so take very good care of it ! Don’t forget to always do what makes you happy and gives joy and peace and just you know that good feeling you have in your chest and heart whenever you do something you love and like with passion and joy. I could say so much more but maybe I’ll repeat myself cuz there are never enough compliments to say about how wonderful person you are! you deserve every single one of them ! I really meant every word i said from the bottom of my heart and know that i really apreciate and love all you do and I’ll be here to support you anytime! You deserve the absolute world and more!! love you Cille! ♡ Okey bye✿

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-> From: @robbesdriesen (Bianca)

Cille ~ such a lovely presence to see on my dash always!! Your support towards everyone in the fandom is more than appreciated and so is your love that you continuously aim to spread <3

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-> From: @happilyinsane (Dharaa)

Hey Cille 💕

Just wanted to say that I think you are really sweet and lovely. I see you everywhere on the tumblr. Wanna thank you for keeping this fandom alive during the drought and keep us entertained. I see your tags on people's posts and I always feel like you are so kind and sweet to spend your time appreciating people's work. Doesn't matter if its a photo or an edit or whatever. You are so nice to pay attention to everyone individually. You are such a good friend/mutual, always appreciating and sliding into their asks and just making their day a lil bit better. You definitely bring so many smiles on our faces. I am sure everyone is very thankful to have you in this fandom, I know I am.

I know we haven't interacted that much but thank you for sliding into my asks and giving me an opportunity to interact with you. You are the sweetest, baby. And I hope you like this whole thing that Rodrigo is doing, because you definitely deserve it. Keep lighting up our dashes with your posts, pls. Ilysm 💕

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-> From: @alwaysaneverland (Sarah)

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-> From: @theflowerisblue (Lola)

Cille! You’re such a present part of the tag! You’re always interacting and posting and I love reading what you have to say. Your music analysis are so interesting and I also think you’re really funny! I love your black and white aesthetic and most of all I love how supportive and positive you’re towards everyone!

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-> From: @fvae (Fae)

hi cille!! I'm really glad to have met you through this fandom and I hope you like the surprise!! I loved to read your song analysis because they're always on point and well thought of👌 💯 and your edits!! *chef's kiss*

sending you lots of love and hugs 💕💖💫

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-> From: @embeddedinmybrain (Tasfia)

Hi Cille! You are just a ray of sunshine!! And you are the sweetest and kindest person here. I loved following through with your wtfock music analysis posts bc everything you felt is exactly what I felt. They made me really emotional!! And of course I (and Sarah and Fae) appreciate your tags for moyo season so much. We wait for them and we read them to each other and we just love seeing your reactions to it. Your edits are incredibly amazing too and I love the colouring in them. You are just an amazing sweetheart and I’m so glad to know you 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

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-> From: @veerledejaegers (Soph)

Cille, you are very friendly and sweet, always insightful and seem like an incredibly lovely person that i hope i can get to know better ❤️(also love the black and white aesthetic)

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-> From: @sanderxrobbee (Semri)

Cilleeeeeeeeeeee loml!!!! Merry Christmas to you! I genuinely wish you all the best and I hope you get to spend all the holidays in the best way possible! You’re such a blessing to this fandom because you’re talented in every single way, whether it’s your writing or your godly Photoshop skills, oh and let’s not forget your dedication because you’re there all the time to brighten our days and make us smile. I haven’t known you for long, but I truly love and appreciate all you do and I’m grateful that you always take the time to compliment everything and everyone. You have no idea how much it makes me smile when you say my gifs are good because I’ve yet to learn a lot, but you are seriously one of the biggest reasons I haven’t given up the second something got too complicated. Where am I going with this? No idea. Anyway, I adore the fuck out of you and I’m happy to take part in this “project” because you really deserve all the love in the world. Once again, happy holidays!

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-> From: @hopelessromanticvirgo (Elene)

Talking about you Cille is making me always so emotional but I will try my best not to burst out from love and emotions. You’re one of the sweetest person here and I will never get tired of saying that.

We haven’t talked that much directly but I don’t need that to know you’re one of the greatest person here, I just know that for sure. I’m also sure about it because I can see the way you treat people? Even speaking about your tags? Like you take the time out of your day to make sure everybody gets love and everybody gets attention. You make all of us smile and I adore your tags on my stories. You can’t even imagine how many times I have reread your posts about it, like I crave it, I’m in love with it, it makes me feel so happy and so loved and I’m certain that everybody else feels the same way too. You always know how to make everybody’s day better and how to make them feel special.

And please, don’t even get me started on your posts! Your song analysis. Like I know I’ve told you this thousands of times before but I don’t care, I’m saying it again! The way you pictured and described all those songs and scenes!!! Like wow! I’d always reread your posts about that one specific scene after rewatching the season countless of times. (And you also did so many scenes!! I’m in awe and I’m emo from just thinking about it)

Watching clips were different but reading them with lyrics were a whole other thing. I just felt so connected with the whole story and scenes when I’d ready your posts. And connect scenes with the music and it was the best thing ever. Sometimes I still go back and reread some of my favorite posts of yours. I never get tired of it.

And you’re so kind and so sweet that I could write essays about it! Such a blessing to this world! I just love you a lot okay? Everybody needs somebody like you, somebody who shines from kindness and love and people around you must be so lucky who get to meet you everyday and talk to you!

Thank you so much for everything you do, for being you and for making my day better and making me smile every time you reblog my posts or every time I just see your username on my dashboard! It’s such a small gesture but means so much!

Thank you for existing, babe! I hope you’re gonna have a wonderful day! And I’m sending you the biggest hug and my positive vibes! I hope a smile never leaves your face! And I only wish the best things up onto you! I love you! ❤️❤️❤️

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-> From: @itubainaretro (Esther)

Cille, my queen!!! Hi, sweetheart! Just dropping by to say that I hope you’re having a good day, despite the situation that the world is in, and that you’re feeling happy, loved, cherished and warm today, because you’re you and you deserve to feel all the best feelings in the world! I wish you all the happiness in the world and that all your wishes come true too, because you sure deserve it! Thank you for being this amazing, inspiring, talented and sweet person that you are and that I’ve come to know a little bit in the past few months! I know we don’t exactly talk that much, but I want you to know that I love seeing you, your beautiful edits and your extremely heart warming “moments that live in my head rent free” posts on my dash daily! They all really make my days! Thank you for sharing your posts with us and making this fandom (and the world, honestly) a better place! You’re amazing and I’m really glad I pressed the follow button the day I did when I started following you! I hope this little message makes you smile today, babe! Best wishes and lots and lots of love,

Esther (itubainaretro) ♥️

PS: don’t forget to hydrate yourself, wear a mask and stay safe haha xxxx.

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-> From: @driesendotkom (Marie)

Dear cille,

the reason i‘m writing this is to simply say thank you. thank you for being such a stable part of the fandom. every time i go into the tag i know i will see you there and it makes me smile every time. i can’t tell you how many hours i spent reading every one of your song analysis. even now a year after season 3 ended i find myself going back to them now and then to reminisce and relive those moments all over again.

i also want to say thank you for being such a kind and welcoming person. you care so much about the people you are close to. you are so easy to talk to and you make the people around you feel comfortable instantly. you brought a little bit of hygge into my life and one more time i want to say thank you 💛

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-> From: @driesenrobbe (Becca)

my dear, sweet, cille! you never fail to make me smile and im beyond happy that we became mutuals! im sure i’ve already said this a million times before but you really do have the biggest heart and i couldn’t thank you enough for all the love and support you constantly share to everybody in the wtfock fandom. plus the talent you possess... girllllll i love seeing your edits and reading your posts (honestly your mind is just wowowowow, it’s on a whole other level of incredible and i hope you know just how wonderful you are). also the way you always write entire essays in the tags of other posts... like you really do take the time to make everyone feel so welcomed and loved, and I’m sending you an infinite amount of love and appreciation in return! you really are the sweetest, most caring person who deserves all the happiness in the world, an actual ray of sunshine! i hope you know how loved and cherished you are, and that good vibes are always being sent your way. Many hugs and kusjes, ilysm!!!! <3

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-> From: @mijnlief (Eline)

Dear Cille,

This year has been a weird one, but I do know that it has also been one of the best because of meeting you. In such a short time we became so close, and I am so grateful to have met you during these weird times. We are so alike in many ways and I love that so much. Our Skype conversations are my favorite and the essays you send me about my writing and just about me being me always make me feel happy and loved. You are the kindest and most generous person ever. I hope you know how special you are. I am so proud of you for everything you have achieved this year and for choosing yourself in situations where it got hard to make a choice in the first place. I know I tell you that everyday, but it doesn’t hurt to say it again right here. I hope this post makes you smile, because you deserve that so much for just being who you are. You bring happiness to all of my days and I can’t wait to hug you one day soon when everything in the world calms down again. I love you lots! 🧡 Eline

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-> From: @onzeziggy (Laurien)

My sweetest Cille, where do I even begin? I suggest we should just begin from the very beginning and I’m sorry in advance if this is going to be a long, sappy text! But now that I have the chance (shout out to Rodrigo) for saying everything I want, I’m not able to tell you how long this will take.

So Cille, I still remember very clearly the first time I saw your account appearing on my dash. It was a music analysis from one of the songs from season 3. I was so amazed by it, because I could imagine how much time it takes to make it and observe every little detail in a single clip. I immediately fell in love with the concept of it and one week later, when you posted another one, my mouth dropped to the floor. Another music analysis? From the same person? Who is she and how do I become her friend? After that second post, I immediately started following you and became your little fangirl. I don’t lie when I say I was waiting every week for a new update of your incredible music analysis nor when I say I loved every single one of them (and still do). I know I already said this a million times, but your words of telling what was going on in every clip, about the emotions present in them, and how the music blended all of it together… No one, and I mean no one could have done it any better! I will forever be grateful for those posts and I want to thank you once again for wanting to share them and your talent with us!

After the music analysis adventure, your picture edits catched my eye. I love them so so much and I also took some creation of it for making some myself. Still, I was this little fangirl, knowing your name is Cille, but also wanting to know so much more about the person behind one of my favorite blogs. And now, during this hiatus, I can say I’ve got to know you and I couldn’t be any happier about it! Starting with little comments in each other’s tags, having little chats in the comment sections to screaming about a possible drawing of Robbe from Sander on their one year anniversary. And look at us now, reblogging almost every post and writing essays in each other’s tags hahah! Honestly, it keeps me alive during these times and I’m so glad I can do this together with you! I live for your attacks! Aaaah now that I’m talking about an attack, the fact that you have a dimples post ready is making me so excited and I think about it every day! We both know what’s important in love and life and that’s Robbe’s dimples! But this right here shows once again what an amazing sweet person you are! No one on here has ever done anything like this for me before, so I can’t thank you enough for this and all the other things you did and still do for me! And the privilege I have to be able to call you my friend warms my heart <33

I’m going to end this with a little quote Robbe wrote in one of his Instagram posts. When I read it again a couple of days ago, I immediately thought of you and what we’ve been through together the last few weeks :’)) Once again, thank you so much for everything you do for me and for everyone here in this fandom and being the amazing person you are! You deserve the whole world for it!

“Sometimes it’s like we just met yesterday, but other days it seems like I already know you my whole life, I love you Cille!” <33

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I hope you enjoyed this💛 If you didn't know this community loved you yet (and I don't think that was possible), now you definetly do.

Extra: I'd like to thank once again everyone that took part it this surprise, you are all the sweetest for taking some time to write this and to help me with it! Thank you so so much✨

#Surprise!#Cille this is the least you deserve #but I'm so happy I got to do this #with the help of all this sweet people #I'm wishing you (and everyone) an amazing day!#and never forget that...#we all love you!

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makeste · 4 years

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not a cavalcade of Katsuki panels

damn, anon. you stone cold came for me with that last part. and just fyi to all onlookers, this was before I had posted the headcanons ask proving this exact point lmao.

but a challenge has been issued now! so I will do my best to pick a variety of impartial panels featuring a veritable medley of characters. not sure I can really provide much in the way of insightful analysis of symbolism and metaphors and stuff, but I can certainly type a lot of words about the pretty pictures, and about how cool people look when they’re standing around all serious surrounded by clouds of billowing smoke.

why I like it: I figured we’d start off strong. no point in holding back. can the other panels possibly even hope to compete. maybe. we’ll see.

why I like it: because, you see, he punched a giant robot, and it exploded. you see that, there? and the text was all “SMAASH” in humongous comic book letters, and it was pretty cool. also Deku is very tiny and the robot is very big. and just to clarify, most of the time if a tiny fifteen-year-old child tries to punch an 80-foot robot, it’s not actually going to go all that well, and the robot probably will not explode. but in this case it did! and so this is a very novel and unexpected outcome, which makes it all the more visually striking, which is a very good thing to be when you are trying to show off the brand new superpower which your protagonist just inherited, and letting people see it in action for the very first time.

why I like it: so you may have noticed we just skipped a whoooole bunch of chapters lol. this is because there are almost 300 of them, and so I’m going to have to use a bit of discretion. anyway so this is a gorgeous panel. just, everything about it. the lighting; the expressions; Shouto’s hesitation; and his mom facing away, not looking back yet, and us not yet knowing how she’ll react. and the fact that they’re visually separated by as much distance as possible -- at opposite ends of a two-page spread -- and yet they’re so close, closer than they’ve been in years. mm. anyway it’s pretty.

why I like it: first of all because there’s nothing like seeing a deserving character get punched in the fucking face, and few characters IMO have been as deserving as Stain. and second because this is Deku, showing up to save the day out of nowhere at the last minute, because excuse you, but he’s a motherfuckin’ hero. sorry to interrupt your evening plans of stabbing a kid while lecturing him about why, philosophically, he deserves to die. but I’ve got a package here for a Mister Stain. it’s from Mister Smaassh, with two A’s and three S’s.

why I like it: fyi, anon said nothing about a cavalcade of BakuDeku panels. you didn’t think I’d let that loophole go to waste, did you? but nonetheless I will try to restrain myself until we get to the second ground beta fight. anyway, I like this panel because All Might’s canonically 7′2″ self looks about twelve feet tall here, and he is just TOWERING over these two boys, who’ve been tasked with somehow outwitting him during this curiously sadistic final exam. and it’s just an interesting perspective, because we know they both look up to him, and here they are physically looking way, way up, up, up at him.

why I like it: now this is how you do a villain entrance. I love absolutely everything about this. the sheer scale of destruction, and the way he’s just sort of casually hanging out there in the middle of the panel almost dwarfed by all this dust and smoke and carnage, and yet is unquestionably the focus of the page. the way that you can’t actually see his face, not yet. not until the end of the chapter. the way the clouds are drifting so calmly and peacefully in the night sky in stark contrast to the horrific events that are about to take place on the ground. this panel gives me literal chills, especially when I think about All for One’s creepy theme music playing in the background.

why I like it: this panel is so iconic to me that it’s one of the first ones I immediately knew I had to go and find when I got this ask. this entire fight is perfection from start to finish, and there are other panels that are more artistically striking if I’m being honest (in particular, the ones where he’s half-transformed with his face perfectly split down the middle between Muscle Might and Skinny Steve). but there’s just something about his determination in this panel, though. something about the fire in his eyes, and the way he clenches his fist. “my heart is still the heart of the Symbol of Peace.” I remember being sooooo fucking anxious when his true form was revealed, wondering if this was it, if the people watching were going to turn on him, if he was going to lose both the fight and their faith. turns out I was wrong on both accounts. basically what I am trying to tell you guys is that this panel was and is still the most badass thing I’ve ever seen.

why I like it: because he’s just a frail old man doing what he can to protect the last flickering embers of the thing that enables him to fight on. there’s something so fucking desperate and yet so determined about this image. he knows it’s futile, but still he persists.

why I like it: damn it was hard to find a “you’re next” panel with just the right angle I like best. this is probably as close as it gets, but I kind of wish Deku was somehow visible in this image as well. but at any rate this is an amazing moment, and All Might is dramatic af for basically no reason but IT’S BADASS. “no I’m not going to actually look where I’m pointing. it’s cooler this way.” or was it because he wasn’t sure if he could keep the emotion off of his face if he actually turned and looked? in this moment of knowing that it was finally over for him, that he would never be the Symbol again, and knowing that he had no choice but to move on and entrust that burden to the next generation? damn.

why I like it: I... fucking... okay, here’s a fun fact. did you know that I still get emotional over this panel almost a full two years after reading it?? obviously a good 84% of it is the context -- All Might losing his power; Deku being forced to take up the mantle before he feels ready; All Might feeling responsible for him; and both of them being so desperately grateful to have each other in that moment. but don’t underestimate that remaining 16% either though! this is just an extremely well-drawn hug, on top of everything else. All Might pressing Deku’s head to his shoulder with his fingers laced in his hair is some mighty fine fiercely protective hug tropes there, you guys. and the way Deku is clinging to his shirt so tightly his knuckles have probably gone white?? while he cries?? while both of them cry? ON THE BEACH? WITH THE WAVES LAPPING SOFTLY AT THE SHORE IN THE PEACEFUL NIGHT AIR?? jesus fucking christ. this hug contains more emotions than I am capable of carrying inside me at once. I just sort of have to let them flow in and out little by little until they finally subside.

why I like it: you bet I skipped right from Kamino straight to Deku VS Kacchan Part 2. no regrets. anyway, so these two panels are an absolutely gorgeous one-two punch. so much has changed from the days when they were innocent little kids marching off into the woods to have adventures. they’ve changed. their relationship has changed. and yet, at the end of the day, Izuku is still willing to follow Katsuki even without being given any kind of explanation. and Katsuki still seeks out Izuku when he’s on the verge of having a spectacular emotional breakdown. because he doesn’t know who else to turn to. and because despite everything, there is trust there still, on some deep, fundamental level neither of them fully understands or knows how to acknowledge. anyway, so these two panels just give me a ton of feels all about the passage of time and how everything changes and how you can’t get back what’s lost, but also sometimes if you look deep enough you find that parts of it were never fully gone.

why I like it: because in a striking display of dramatic main character energy, these boys decided to stage their life-changing destiny-affirming rival fight on the coolest possible stage in the middle of the goddamn night. and then Katsuki made it even better by producing WAY MORE SMOKE than his attack by all rights should have produced! and then they went and crouched down all symmetrically so as to more poetically make intense eye contact at each other. I really like panels with smoke and/or dust clearing dramatically. there are like four more of them coming up on this list. what can I say. it’s cinematic.

why I like it: I actually had this one as my icon for a while. it’s rare imo to see an action panel that’s so balanced and has so much going on and is so clean and easy to read. both of their poses are so dynamic. I like the way the arc of Izuku’s kick is drawn, and I love the way you can clearly see that Katsuki propelled himself backwards with his quirk in order to dodge it. it’s just a really cool little panel that for me perfectly sums up the general feel of this fight, and its awesome choreography.

why I like it: actually you know what, before I go any further, let me skip ahead a bit and add three more panels with this same energy.

I just really, really love these rare moments when all differences between them are momentarily forgotten and they’re just two teenage boys caught up in the intense pressure of an awkward social situation. the one enemy neither of them is the least bit equipped to handle. anyways Horikoshi clearly enjoys it too because he seems to delight in drawing it over and over and over.

why I like it: because it’s more billowing smoke and dust. because it’s Endeavor, the guy we all swore we would never ever root for, and then 160 chapters later Horikoshi pulls this shit without an ounce of shame. because it’s All Might’s pose, but tweaked juuuuuust enough so that Enji can avoid copyright claims. because he knew that pose well enough to know which arm not to use. because Endeavor is a profoundly flawed human being, wholly incapable of filling the void All Might left behind. and yet he still tries. because it’s better than nothing, and because it’s all he can do. it’s the one thing he can do, his sole redeeming virtue. he tries. he doesn’t give up. anyway so yeah, Horikoshi didn’t have to take the single most unlikable person in the entire manga and give him the world’s most controversial and openly scorned redemption arc. but he did! and I think it’s one of the best things about this entire manga.

why I like it: because nothing in BnHA is just black and white!! it’s messy and layered and complex, just like in the real world. Shouto despised his dad for almost his entire life. with good reason! Enji was abusive and selfish and treated his son more like a prized possession than a person. we as readers are fully aware of all of this, and we sympathize with Shouto 100%, and that’s completely by design. Horikoshi is well aware of this. so for him to still give us this little moment, where Shouto is so relieved that Enji survived that he drops to the floor and presses his face against his hands in this little prayer gesture -- whatever you think it might mean -- is just so fucking powerful, and again speaks to his commitment to refusing to let anything in this series be completely clear-cut and unambiguous. I love that the characterization of Shouto and Natsu hating their dad exists side by side with the equally authentic characterization of them being terrified that they’re about to watch him die. because those two things aren’t contradictory! sometimes that’s just how it is. anyway so this is a beautiful moment of nuance that instantly adds so much to this relationship with just a single panel.

why I like it: for once the symbolism is so obvious that even I can’t fail to miss it! Izuku’s face half in light and half in shadow as he thinks about the power bestowed on him. “All for One’s power.” anyway so in my mind Izuku having AFO could not be any more fucking foreshadowed if he was wearing a freaking t-shirt with the Musketeers saying on it and the background was peppered with little Sistine Chapel-esque images of AFO giving his quirk to his brother lmao. but regardless of how it does end up playing out, this is nicely done.

why I like it: I wasn’t sure whether I should include this image, given that I just made a whole separate post about it a few days ago. but I just really like it, okay. this is one of the all-time great entrances in the series. Bakugou being perched on that pole for absolutely no reason other than to add visual interest. Todoroki’s hair blowing dramatically in the wind. Katsuki’s frayed pant hems and characteristically asymmetrical facial expression. the fact that you just know both of them spent the ride home with their faces pressed to the windows of their taxi cab hoping desperately for an opportunity to break in their brand new licenses, and then lo and behold. that’s amazing you guys. it’s almost like you’re main characters or something.

why I like it: they did great.

why I like it: because I lost my fucking shit at this fucking reveal and can you even blame me?? we knew coming in how much trouble Endeavor and Hawks had dealing with just one of these Noumus, and then Horikoshi goes and divulges that the villains have at least A DOZEN MORE waiting on standby. including Hood right there in the foreground, which is a fantastic touch! this panel, for me, almost instantaneously established the League as a legitimate threat once again, and gave me the kind of spine-tingly evil vibes I hadn’t felt since the Kamino arc. and while the payoff might not quite have lived up to my expectations, the Mirko fight at least was more than worth it.

why I like it: BILLOWING SMOKE AND DUST CLOUDS. you just see this vast landscape of destruction that Tomura has oh-so-casually wrought, and this once-powerful enemy utterly defeated on his hands and knees bowing before him. and it’s just like, oh. Tomura just became a fucking king, didn’t he. he finally stepped up and became the main villain. really the main villain, not just an awkward fumbling NEET whose adopted dad is not-so-secretly pulling all the strings. he did this himself. he went out and conquered and Awakened and won himself a fucking army. and he’s just standing there so cool and casual in the aftermath of it all. and then he goes “oh wait, you guys have money right, that means you can buy us the good sushi.” yes, Tomura. yes.

why I like it: um because this panel is fucking amazing?? hello?? do I really need to explain this one. the detail is jaw-dropping. he’s got the little scars which are either from the head wound that caused his death, or from his Noumufication. his expression is fucking heartbreaking, and the transition from Kumo to Kuro is so subtle and seamless, and yet it distinctly is both of them. this panel is gorgeous and fucking haunting and almost made me gasp when I first saw it.

why I like it: the decision to have the night sky take up so much of the space in the panel was [chef kiss]. nothing says existential like the night sky on a cold winter’s night.

why I like it: this is the best panel in the entire fucking series.

why I like it: dude. showing his actual family holding onto him with their hands in the same spot as the severed fashion!hands was a stroke of genius in and of itself. but combining that with the emotional tension of them desperately trying to hold him back and protect him from AFO?? that’s just so fucking smooth it’s almost inhuman. just how much meaning can you cram into a single image?? sometimes I wonder just how far in advance Horikoshi plans these things.

why I like it: guess I’m just a big fat sucker for panels of Tomura calmly standing around in the ruins of his own senseless destruction. the sense of scale on this one is really great, too. and yet again, those dust clouds. gotta love it.

why I like it: because Tomura literally appears out of nowhere, like he’s ripping a hole through the fabric of time and space. it’s so fucking sudden and he looks evil as FUCK, and Deku and Kacchan are totally caught off-guard, and it is scary. this is one of those panels that made me say “holy shit” out loud. in fact I practically screamed it. and the angles are all funky and weird, and the sky is all BLACK FOR NO REASON, and it really just feels like Tomura could reach right over and just MURDER THEM like it was nothing. just like that. this panel is so incredibly effective at conveying how hopelessly outclassed the boys are. they’re not even in his league, and it’s honestly terrifying.

and on that happy note, we have come to the end of my list of favorite panels! and I gotta say, it’s really gratifying that a good deal of them are from this year alone. I said it in another post a few days ago, but imo the overall quality of the series has been insanely high as of late, and it honestly just blows my mind whenever I stop to think about it. the art is still this good six years into the game. the story is still this good. we are spoiled goddammit.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #all might #endeavor #todoroki shouto #shigaraki tomura #horikoshi kouhei #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks

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bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture · 3 years

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Hello hello to all the new followers! However you came across this blog, thanks for being willing to put this on your dashboards. I still have half of this chapter left to go, but hopefully I’ll be able to knock out a larger chunk of it since it’s gonna flow better… at the least, I’ll try to get to where Episode 1 of the anime cuts off.

...huh, damn, now I’m curious about exploring differences between anime and manga… I don’t have time for that, this manga thing is already more of a time-eater than expected… plus considering how many chapters I need to get through… yeah no, I will leave anime-manga comparison to others.

Anyways, into today’s pages! I wanna get this chapter done this week!

[No. 1 - Midoriya Izuku: Origin]

...you, I’m gonna translate you.

[transliteration of sign: 頭上 (zujou) [overhead] 注意 (chuui) [caution, being careful, attention (heed), warning, advice]

[Translation: caution, overhang 2m]

I mean, it’s obvious because of the context, but now I know how to pronounce it! And I guess you guys can as well. No, I will not be ashamed of spending fifteen minutes on this. I’m probably gonna stay in the habit of translating stuff as I come across it.

Anyways, to the chapter itself. Izuku doesn’t do that ‘All Might impression’ thing here like he does in the anime, just basically hypes himself up with grit teeth and determination. Which is a shame, but it makes sense since that sort of thing would look/turn out better in animation anyways. Still a little weird he had a flashback there, but like whatever, it’s supposed to give readers context into the setting and character, this whole opening chapter’s gonna be a bit weird like that.

The villain comes up out from the holes in the sewer grate, and holy fuck does this come off as just a bit of a horror manga, if I saw that I’d be terrified.

You know, out of context this is REALLY disturbing… no wait, in context this is disturbing too, nevermind. But yeah, look at that terrified kid, that is not the face he was wearing earlier against Katsuki, making it even more obvious that he wasn’t scared at that point.

The villain pounces on and envelops Izuku, covering his nose and mouth and making Izuku realize he’s been attacked by, you know, a villain. Which I would share the image of, but honestly it’s graphic as hell, if you wanna see it go look at the manga yourselves.

Yeah, it’s a wonder Izuku didn’t have nightmares for months after this, or have issues with water or potentially drowning/suffocating. Also, honestly, with this hijacking the body thing, I’m looking at the amount of mass of the sludge and the size of Izuku, and I have to remind myself again that this is a shounen manga with urban fantasy magic, logic isn’t a concern here.

But yeah, the villain is super vague about who the ‘he’ he’s avoiding is, while Izuku is frantically trying to scrape at the sludge to no effect. Also, after being in the sewers, that HAS to be some nasty gunk, yikes, how did Izuku not come down with something?

Izuku’s struggles makes him drop his charred notebook while panicking about his death and begging someone to come save him. The book flips open to his conceptual hero costume, which we know is going to end up the ‘first’ version of his costume, though obviously it’s going to undergo some revisions as the series progresses (which is a small thing I like about the series a lot). If I recall right, this is also what prototype!Izuku’s costume was going to look like!

Fortunately for Izuku, in the next page All Might punches his way up out of the sewers, letting both the villain and Izuku know he’s there, and- god, I wouldn’t trust those groceries for any sort of safe consumption, even if they are… two bottles?? That’s it?? What-

Sure, whatever, two bottles of soda, I guess, isn’t that not good for people who have had their stomach removed because of too much sugar or something? Is him being down a stomach even actually canon or just popular fanon? I suppose we’ll find out soon enough.

Anyways, All Might showed up and punched the villain away from Izuku, basically only hitting with the shockwave to avoid hurting the kid too much. Also, we get this gem of a face:

Incredible.

Izuku passes out, and wakes up a bit later to All Might slapping his face, which like, sir, sir, that’s not how you take care of a victim of a villain attack that definitely isn’t an allegory for another kind of assault. But yeah, All Might is sort of out of ‘character’ while waiting for Izuku to get up, and then shoves himself back into it once Izuku’s awake, which is… interesting, and makes sense.

Izuku naturally freaks out, and All Might does a pose while apologizing for his mistakes and explaining his sloppiness with the villain - he’s new to the area, and besides that, he’s ‘off camera’. Which, yeah, you really get the sense this is his TV persona pushed forward. He also thanks Izuku for success in finally containing the villain, and Izuku gives us this hilarious gem:

Ah, meta jokes. Izuku looks around for his notebook for an autograph, only to see it’s already been signed. He bows enthusiastically and says he’ll keep it as a family heirloom, and All Might heads off to take the villain in and to ‘catch him again on tv’.

Izuku wants him to wait, because he still has something to ask, but All Might says he’s got no time, and crouches to jump away, with just a shot of Izuku’s desperate face before All Might takes off, the ‘thanks for your support’ dragging after him like the words themselves couldn’t keep up, and again that is just a cool fucking effect and use of shape and warping to give effects otherwise not possible in text and just- gah, I love comic/manga art for these reasons, so freaking cool!

You’re an all star.

Sorry not sorry. But yeah, the bottles are still there in his pockets - his definitely totally secure open pockets. Honestly, with or without Izuku, he might have dropped those bottles because what the fuck All Might.

All Might tries to shove Izuku off until Izuku reminds him that he will die if he falls, which gets him to pause and go ‘true enough!’ Izuku says he’s got a lot of things to ask, and All Might asks him to close his eyes and mouth to avoid the wind drag. All Might coughs and grunts, with a drop of blood escaping from between his teeth, and him swearing about it.

Onto the next page, and we have some background kanji that I am definitely going to waste time translating, because that’s just who I am.

Top windows/hanging sign: 卜 (uranai) [divination, fortune telling] 黄葉 (kouyou/momiji) [autumn/fall colors, leaves changing color, layered colors in garments (resembling autumn colors)]

[rough translation: fortunate garments / lucky coloring.]

I’m gonna assume this is something to go with Japanese culture and their beliefs around what certain colors mean.

Middle banner/hanging sign: Su/Ta/De [study]

Not confident at this one but I cannot grok how messy those katakana are and so I just have given up on that for now. If someone can confirm, that’d be sweet of you.

Lower windows/hanging sign: [事]務所 (jimusho) [office]

Lower banner: Ma/a/ke/t/to [Market]

Shop overhang: Fu/ra/shi/[mu?] [Flashy] 喫茶 (kissa) [teahouse/coffee shop/cafe]

Flashy Cafe makes sense, but I’m not confident in the katakana when we can only see three of them and no way to know about modifiers,,,

Victory.

Alright, now that I’m done crying over that, onto actual chapter analysis. We get the ‘whoosh’ of something falling, before seeing the POV of the sludge guy coming back to consciousness, frustrated with All Might, and we also get a peek at some kids approaching… aka Katsuki and his minions.

First off, the branding on the can is hilarious and weirdly suited to the situation. Secondly, you can just see Katsuki kicking the bottle in the bottom left corner there, which probably knocks it open for, you know, the upcoming events. And huh, both of the minions smoke, which Katsuki chastises with displeasure in the panel after next.

So Katsuki blames Izuku for ‘messing with him’ and that Izuku being ‘full of stupid dreams like when they were kids’ pisses him off. Which he emphasises by blowing up the can in his hand. I wonder if that’s meant to be a reference to him thinking Izuku’s just paying lip service to being a hero just to annoy Katsuki, at least in his POV?

But yeah, Katsuki shakes his hand after that - which meant he DID feel some backlash for blowing up a can in his hand, or perhaps the superheating of the metal before it went? Either way, backlash! He turns back to yell at the two about their smoking and how it’d go on his record, and the two freak out and point behind Katsuki, before we go to their POV:

But yeah, another decent stopping point here. There should only be two posts after this for chapter 1, based on my skimming of the rest of the pages. I really want to have the All Might convo separate, and then the whole sludge fight and aftermath… but we’re getting there! :D

#chapter 1 #readthrough #opening arcs #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #yagi toshinori #bakugou katsuki #not the best post but it has some cute moments #the last two posts though are gonna be whammies #yeah I do waste time translating stuff that doesn't need translation #no i will not take constructive criticism about it #anyways hope y'all are having a good day #:D

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gamesception · 4 years

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So, the Infinity Train is bad, right? Not the show, the show is great, but the train itself within the show.

Spoilers, below.

Including spoilers for the end of season 3.

Like, ok, it's trying to help people work through emotional problems and maladjusted/antisocial personality traits. Benevolent intentions, at least when humans are concerned, seem sincere enough. And sure, it worked for Tulip & Jesse. But while maybe not deliberately malicious, the train is trying to serve a moral function with an automated, amoral system that doesn’t work and is fundamentally inhumane.

Especially to the denizens it creates. However artificial they may be, seasons 2 and 3 especially make clear that they are fully realized actual people, and the train just makes them up on a whim and suborns their entire existence to the passenger's personal growth. Life for a lot of denizens is pretty horrific. Not just Lake being hunted, but kick-me toad, the wind guy, several denizens seem created to suffer an existentially nightmarish existence so that their suffering can teach some passenger a moral. Even the ones that aren't created to suffer still face perpetual risk from ghoms, passengers, & other dangers of the train, and are still trapped in a single car, or risk being forever separated from that home by the movement of cars if they ever leave it. Even if the system works to help humans, creating an entire subordinate class of fully sapient creatures and then treating them as expendable tools in furtherance of that goal is kind of horrific & bad?

And that's before you consider that therapy train isn't even very good at what it does. Like, looking at the memory tapes we've seen, the things that land people on the train aren't that bad? Like, they're bad and all, but they're still things that people can and do work through and overcome in the plain old regular ass world. None of that shit seems like stuff that would be easier to work through with the help of isolation from human contact and regular mortal peril. The success rate among characters we've met isn't especially high, and one one himself has admitted that, statistically, passengers are more likely to die than they are to get their numbers to zero and get off the train.

Which would be bad enough if the passengers were adults, but most of them are little children! Which, like, of course. Because whatever inhuman system is choosing the passengers seems to key in on self centered behavior and uncontrolled emotional outbursts as criteria for passengers, and sure those are signs of maladjustment in adults, but they're also just normal conditions of children and young teens who are still developing socially and emotionally?

In season one, it could be readily imagined that the train only picked up people who were otherwise going to die. Tulip ran off into the snowy night in Wisconsin & easily could have frozen if not picked up by the train. Amelia, standing next to the tracks before the train even appeared, seemed like she could have been contemplating suicide. And based on that reading, the risk of death is slightly more forgivable. But implied in season 2 and explicitly in season 3, the train can pick up anyone at any time, so yeah, you could easily imagine a kid lashing out from some traumatic abuse they can’t process ending up on the train to become monster food when without the train some teacher or counselor could have intervened to actually help them.

We don't get to see Simon's backstory before the train, but according to the numbers, it wasn't as bad as what happened to Grace, and wasn't all that far removed from Tulip's issues with her parents. Could any bad thing he did before entering the train have justified the traumas he was subjected to from the moment he got there? Did he really have a better chance on the train than he would have had off of it? Yeah, he made his choices, I'm not saying he "didn't deserve" his fate, but how did any of the stuff he went through constitute helping him? Not all of this can be blamed on Amelia’s usurpation of the train. Even without One One, Tulip shows that the train was more or less working as normal outside of the cars Amelia directly tampered with, and even after One One was back as conductor, the dangers of the train - from flecs to ghoms to laval moles - were still very real.

And if the train wasn’t helping Simon, that only makes all the suffering that it allowed various denizens to experience at his hands by abducting him in the first place all the more unforgivable, since there was never a point to him being on the train at all. Unless he was only there to serve Grace's growth? There’s not a lot of reason to think that, but it is a possibility since without Simon reflecting her worst actions back to her, Grace might never have grown in the way she did. Was that an accident, or intentional on the train’s part, with Simon’s fate an acceptable cost of Grace’s redemption? If it was that would only be worse, since then the train then wouldn’t just be failing to recognize that it's own creations matter as much as humans that exist apart from it, it's also actively choosing to damn some humans to save others. Either the train is dangerously incompetent, or actively malicious here.

Or consider the flecs, the ‘mirror police’ antagonists for most of season 2. I doubt many felt bad for them when they died. After all, they chose to become flecs, and chose to repeatedly try to murder Lake just for wanting her own life. Unlike Simon we don't see a string of humanizing traumas driving them towards those choices. But did they actually choose any of that?

In s2e8, Mace questions not just Lake's existence, but the entire existence of the mirror world, implying that their memories and personalities are as artificial as their bodies, constructs created by the train to teach a passenger a lesson. He drives the questions at Lake, but the same reasoning could be applied to him. Did Mace become a flec after his prime died, or are those memories fake, and he was always a flec, created by the train to be a villain in a little morality play for Tulip's & later Jesse's benefit? Did Mace ever really have the choice to be anything other than the monster he was? And even if he did, would that absolve the train of a measure of guilt in creating Mace to be that monster in the first place? Did the train intend for him to catch and kill Lake after Tulip & Jesse had returned home, cleaning up loose ends? One One seemed to jump at the chance to let Lake off the train once her trick of reflecting Jesse's number provided an adequate excuse, but before that he also seemed perfectly willing to go with Sieve's suggestion of resolving the conflict by just killing her.

Again, that’s not to say the flecs didn’t deserve their fates, or that it was wrong of Lake to kill them. Mace in particular questioned the entire purpose and reality of the mirror world, which means he had the self awareness and philosophical insight needed to question and reject the role the train had created him for, and even while dying he instead chooses to use that insight as just another way to vindictively deny Lake’s person-hood. He chooses to be every bit the monster he was created to be, and Sieve makes the same choice even seeing the fate that it led Mace to. They didn’t “deserve better”, but them choosing to embrace their predetermined villainous roles doesn’t reduce the train’s accountability for creating them to fill those roles in the first place.

So yeah, Trauma Train is a fantastic show - imo s2 is still the best, but s1 and s3 are both very solid. But within that show the train itself is a dangerously negligent therapist and a willfully unjust deity, and if Infinity Train does get future seasons I hope that aspect gets further explored and deconstructed. And I think it will be. Like, I don’t think any of this analysis is an unintended edgy dark reading for the heck of it. Season one could have left you with a neutral or positive impression of the train, but the fundamental systemic injustice of the train is, like, the explicit text of season 2, and while Lake managed to trick her way free, the underlying system she fought to free herself from is still in place in season 3.

That said, I kind of hope one way or the other that the show is done with grizzly on-screen deaths. There's a lot of good lessons for kids in the show, important stuff about handling life changes, dealing with grief, the importance of self identity & self determination. And much like the train is a bad therapist for trying to traumatize its victims into self improvement, the show becomes a bad vehicle for the lessons it's trying to teach if the scenes of shocking violence are what stick most firmly in younger viewers memories.

#infinity train #spoilers #infinity train spoilers #call out post #for a fictional mass transit system

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scroll-of-thought · 3 years

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Tiktok?

I recently started using tiktok more. Lot’s of cool witches I know and follow have a tiktok, and a lot of them are making some awesome content. Like, @his-craft has been at it for a while, I followed @breelandwalker for all the good witchy content and podcast reminders (but mostly for Penny and Havok, their cats), I found that @traegorn‘s been doing some great stuff on there for a bit, and recently @upthewitchypunx caved and made one too, and their garden is kicking ass. Go look up each of their tiktoks and follow them, and if anyone knows who else I should follow, let me know.

So anyway, now I’m thinking it might be fun to make my own. And I also kinda want to do awesome witchy content, like spellcraft tutorials and analysis, witchcraft discussions, personal discoveries and methods, maybe some vlogs about witchy stuff and daily life, and show off my wonderful chickens of whom I love.

But also I really love making highly edited videos with CGI. Like, part of the reason I did youtube for so long what so I had an excuse to edit together anything from animatics, to gameplay montages, to sequences set to music. It’s just really fun to me. I was bouncing around the idea of making a “dramatic recreation” parody account. Like, picture this scene:

Me “Ok, guys. I was wrapping up this other tutorial when this happened. Don’t worry, the tutorial is still coming, but check this out!”

Jump cut to me standing in front of a mirror

Me “And that’s how you lock a mirror, keeping malevolent entities fro-”

My partner, holding the camera “Oh shit! It’s back!”

Camera turns over my shoulder as we look into the hallway. A mass of black smoke, resembling a face, hovers over the railing of the stairs. We slowly approach.

Me “Hey there little buddy. What’re you doing here?”

We get a little closer. The floating face begins to turn violent looking, snarling.

I suddenly throw something at it and it darts below the railing. My partner runs to look over the railing down the stairs to a 10 foot drop where the door slams shut below.

Me “And stay out!”

I take a moment to adjust my appearance and look at the camera.

Me “and, that’s why I always have salt in my pocket.”

End Tiktok

I have the editing and SFX know how to do something like that. Also I want to do some fake ghost encounters in there. I know I could do fake ghost videos better than so many people, and I was really into practical effects when I was younger, so I want moving furniture and all that stuff without CGI. Another idea, I really want to edit my partner’s reflection out of the mirror, so it looks like there is no camera, and that’s super easy to do, just to confuse people, and could lead to a ton of other videos of me making videos without a camera entirely.

My main problems are as follows:

Firstly, I have no free time, lol. I’m already spending most of my time making 3d models and levels. It’ll have to be next year, after the game is launched and after all the post launch content and possible patches.

I don’t know if I want to real educational witchy content, which would basically be this blog but tiktok edition, or entertaining parody junkfood. I really want to do both, but that brings me to the next problem.

If I get known for making really good fake stuff, and comedic stuff, will my actual witchy content be taken seriously? Or will that line blur?

additionally, my friend really wants to make a ghost hunting channel with me for youtube. If I’m known as the guy who makes fake spirits on tictok, will anything we might be lucky enough to catch survive the accusations?

Should I just not go all out of photo realistic models, particle effects, and editing so it’s obviously fake? Does that take away some of the fun?

If I do the junkfood option, as a real practicing witch of near 20 years, does that reflect poorly on myself and/or other witches? Even if I outright state in the bio that it’s parody and for fun/entertainment. If I do a video about fighting spirits like it’s an anime irl, is that disrespectful to the other content creators giving actual spirit protection advice?

I’ve got some other thoughts and concerns, but those are the main ones on my mind. Even if I don’t do the parody account with CGI videos, I still have the option of doing real witchy content. And videos of my chickens, which is important.

Anyway, just wanted to put my thoughts into text and see if anyone had any thoughts of their own. What kind of stuff would you like to see? Any thoughts on the problems I listed? Anyone think I shouldn’t be worrying about this stuff at 4am?

#maybe witchcraft #tiktok #future content #I chose to write this instead relaxing for the few free hours I have tonight #I could have worked on my novel #i am a fool

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casebasket · 4 years

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The Mystrade Treatise

I am long, long out of the Sherlock fandom, but I still have a soft spot for mystrade after ~ 7 odd years (the only thing I really cared about in the show), so when a friend asked about mystrade I hit them with a spontaneous 2000 word block of text. I thought I’d share it as an homage to the still quietly existing community of mystrade shippers out there. Basically, in this essay I will argue for my interpretation of how the BBC TV show Sherlock (2012) establishes an implied relationship between Mycroft, (The Government) and Lestrade (The Force) in the subtext. This analysis will be broken down to two parts: 1) show chronology / their history and 2) their compatibility, which can be further split into 2a) personalities and 2b) external circumstances.

(The beginning is the only formal(ish) part of - I’m calling it a treatise -, the rest of the piece is written in “I typed it all in messenger app” style. This all came out off the top of my head, so if you think I’m missing something I’m open to the callout)

TL;DR: I’m still mystrade trash and I’m pulling the receipts on mystrade canon

1) Their history - it's clear they know each other and are in communication with each other since the very beginning - and very likely even before - the events of the show. Just a show tidbit, the ending of the pilot episode has Lestrade watch John and Sherlock walk away happily staring into each other's eyes and tell Donovan about their potential as partners, whereas the actual first episode replaces him with Mycroft talking to his assistant Anthea, which shows their character parallels. In one aspect, their role as "aggravated older guardian" is a shared one and one that - rationally, but in fanon - allows them to commiserate with other another. Also, Mycroft kidnaps John in his very first day of him meeting Sherlock, so reasonable to conclude he did the same to Lestrade, so they've clearly met. And, I believe it's canon that Lestrade helped Sherlock with his drug problem, so he's clearly run into Mycroft, whether it's because his brother's OD'd or found with possession or whatever whatever. The possibilities are endless.

We have hints of them knowing each other throughout the show - in season 2 episode 2 the Hound of Baskerville (I am surprised and appalled I know this off by heart instead of more important things), the duo meets Lestrade in a tavern where he's clearly back from holiday and when Sherlock eggs him by basically calling him Mycroft's lackey, he, aggrieved, says "I don't just do what your brother tells me", which is a line I still unfortunately remember over 5 years later, and that is the first precedent set in canon that they clearly communicate. We can interpret this line, given the circumstances, that Mycroft asked him to cut his vacation short to go check up on his brother, and Lestrade, being whipped, was like fine.

This is mere speculation, but in that mini episode, Many Happy Returns, Lestrade is listening to Anderson go on about his conspiracy theories on how Sherlock is still alive, and at the end of it he passes a newspaper article about Sherlock, and he smiles at it like he KNOWS he's still alive somewhere even though he just walked out calling Anderson on his bullshit and dismissing his theories, and I like to interpret that as Mycroft told him Sherlock's still alive. Plus, when Sherlock greets him after his two year absence, the way Lestrade reacts is less “am I seeing a ghost because you’re supposed to be dead” and more “you’re finally back I already know you were alive because my boyfriend Mycroft told me”.

The first time we see them in frame together (in the mystrade community this is famously known as the 29 frames moment because they only showed up for - 29 frames, like 2 seconds) was in season 3 episode 3, where Sherlock goes missing and everyone looks for him in the hidey holes they know of. Lestrade is seen in Mycroft's office while Mycroft tells him about potential hiding spots. Honestly he did look hella dismissive and rude but you know what? Everyone was stressed. But this shows not only is Lestrade trusted in his secret government offices - and likely this was the secret one because it looked like a cellar - but he trusts Lestrade implicitly. When Sherlock is about to leave on a plane, Lestrade's in a pub watching the TV screen when Moriarty's face is all over it and the very next scene we see Mycroft on the phone with someone getting the news that this was happening. Coincidence? I think NOT - Lestrade called up Mycroft and told him, CANON.

And then there's the Christmas special or whatever it was, about the abominable bride, and yes, this one is set in Sherlock's drug fevered mind, but that only means that, in Sherlock's mind, he sees the two of them as a set (Sherlock ships it confirmed lol). During the whole episode when we see the canon versions of Mycroft and Lestrade they are together as a unit. When John leaves him, Sherlock's mind goes to the most reliable thing in his life to help him, which is his brother (and his brother's boyfriend) and his friend Lestrade to help him, together. Sherlock asks the two of them to help him dig up a body and they share a Look, which is clearly Mycroft's way of asking Lestrade to do the dirty work of actually digging and Lestrade resignedly concedes because there is no other way to analyse the Look, and in the next scene we see Sherlock and Lestrade digging in a grave while Mycroft holds up a lantern because Mycroft doesn't like legwork and Lestrade, clearly his boyfriend in Sherlock's mind, understands this and is willing to accommodate.

And then we have the whole of S4, or as I like to call it, Johnlock hell but mystrade victories!, because in s4e1 when Mary is shot in the aquarium, the first person they look at is each other, indicating they take some level of comfort or seek it out from one another in a room full of other people, also the two of them arrived together so they clearly coordinated, also when the gun was lifted Mycroft looks shocked and steps back a bit while Lestrade moves forward in a “ready to step in” protective gesture, and this all happened in the same frame, and there are gifsets of this happening, and everyone was quietly screaming (Johnlockers in pain, mystrade shippers in "look at them sharing a frame together look at these scraps we're getting"). In the second ep we don't see them together but we do see Mycroft getting hit on by Lady Smallwood and he looks hella uncomfortable about it, while Lestrade is talking with another detective and Sherlock shoots him down telling him she's not the one (because clearly we all know who is the one and Sherlock knows it's his brother).

Oh yeah also jumping back to S3, Mycroft is saying no one can match him and he sees everyone as goldfish but Sherlock is like oh really and was lowkey concerned about him and that's how the mystrade fandom got this whole goldfish thing and it's adorable (special shout out to duchessclovery ‘s masterful fanvid romcom series A Fish Called Greg), and in the wedding ep Sherlock calls Mycroft to attend the wedding but he refuses, and Sherlock says "specter in the feast" to entice him and I like to interpret that as him lowkey jabbing him with a *in*spector in the feast because Lestrade was there looking tired and lonely throughout the whole ep lmaaaaaaaaaaaaao.

Anyway back to S4E2, Mycroft is getting hit on, Lestrade is the most tired we've ever seen him, Sherlock is trying to waive off Lestrade's suitors to save him for his brother. Why is Lestrade so tired? Yes, he's questioning a suspect or something, but also! maybe it's related to his love interest getting hit on, who knows???? And lastly, the last ep of S4, the golden era of mystrade, at the very end of the episode after we've seen Mycroft at his most vulnerable, Sherlock asks Lestrade to "take care of him (Mycroft). he's not as strong as he seems". This was an explicit request by Sherlock, addressing Lestrade correctly for the first time, to take care of his brother, and Lestrade says yes. Of course I will. S4 ended with the promise of the him taking care of Mycroft and honestly I don't care about the entire episode except that part

2) A: their personalities: so, Mycroft, as his colleagues know him, is ~ the ice man ~. He's hard to know, even harder and more stubborn and isolated than his brother, and on top of that he's like, contractually obligated under his top secret government job to not be known. That makes him, and this is canon as Sherlock discussed his loneliness with him in S3, even more lonely than his brother, and probably, as much as he likes to think himself more accommodating than his brother and he can definitely pretend for the sake of appearances, more difficult to deal with than Sherlock if he really sets his mind to it. But he's not a complete block of ice - after all, ice can melt - and he has soft spots for his family, esp. his unruly little brother, and by extension (maybe more necessity than real care, but still) the people his brother affiliates with. Because Sherlock is so tricky to deal with, I believe he has a soft spot for people who share that softness for his spiky sibling, and no one cares for Sherlock as he does except for Mrs Hudson, John, and Lestrade. Lestrade's done it for even longer than John, and in the show plays a somewhat paternal figure to Sherlock despite him causing him even more stress sometimes than solving cases for him would relieve. Lestrade is shown to drop everything to help Sherlock when he needs it, and is considered one of his best friends when Moriarty put a sniper on each of Sherlock's closest acquaintances (Lestrade was a target). Lestrade always saw the good in Sherlock despite everything, and believed he could be great. Very few sees the same potential, or shows that level of kindness for - lets be honest here - someone we would want to kick in real life. Lestrade's kindness and patience, enough to deal with Sherlock, surely can be extended to involve Mycroft, as Mycroft's protectiveness extends somewhat to Sherlock's friends.

And this is not a one way street of just Lestrade being kind and accepting. The people Sherlock surrounds himself with appear dull, and have "normal" lives, but secretly either have a florid past (Mrs Hudson) (and her present with the race car and her quick thinking when the flat gets ransacked) and/or crave adventure and danger and intrigue (John) (Molly). Lestrade is the probably the same. He seems aggravated by Sherlock but still like him a whole lot and truly care for him, and you don't go into policing if not for some kind of excitement. He has a failed marriage with his wife who boringly cheated on him with a PE teacher, like how predictable and cliche, and they broke up. Lestrade is loyal, and he wants to fix things, but in the end it doesn't work out. The show doesn't really tell us why, but given what we know of his work and his habits, he probably spends way too much time on the job and in part, neglected his home life. That isn't to say the cheating his wife did can be condoned, nor was it justified, but it does tell us that Lestrade is a workaholic who craves excitement and adventure which explains his attachment to Sherlock. Who else can match that with him in a relationship? Another workaholic who surrounds himself in government intrigue and MI6 bullshit cloak and daggers who also share a soft spot for the most annoying detective consultant, of course!!! For all we know from the show, Mycroft is Lestrade's one constant relationship outside of work. Their common interest is keeping their shared loved ones safe. Beyond that, even though Mycroft feels bored by everyone because "no one is as smart as i, hohoho", Sherlock used to be the same but he found John. We see Lestrade able to hold his own against Sherlock sometimes too, and he is a detective inspector, so as much as Sherlock likes to call him dumb we know that Lestrade's actually pretty smart. If he can hold up his own against Sherlock, he can hold up his own against Mycroft. Mycroft needs someone with the patience to go through all his bullshit, and Lestrade needs someone smart and interesting and protective, because as a protector himself sometimes you forget you need someone to protect you in turn. And that is basically their whole thing - two fierce guardians, trying to protect the world, finding they also need protection, and finding it in each other (end of season 4). Also there's this scene where Lestrade is sitting by his desk with his feet propped up while he eats a donut and says "not my division" which looks exactly like this scene where Mycroft is sitting by his desk with his feet propped up looking smug, or as the mystrade shippers like to call it, "boyfriends picking up each other's behaviours". Essentially, the johnlock relationship sort of parallels the mystrade relationship in that we have a smartass, spiky, secretly vulnerable one paired with a badass, patient, relatively more sunny one. But more mature. And also preferable. The two of them share some kind of relationship that has reached the point of nonverbal understanding, as we can see in their quiet glances towards each other during the few times we see them on screen together, that requires a level of trust and time.

2) B: compatibility in external circumstances - this is a short one, it's mostly that they're both workaholics who needs someone to understand their unpredictable work schedules, and also how minimal their social life can get being a) married to work and b) work can be classified and you can't tell anyone about your case files / government coverups. No one could understand the need for secrecy and getting up in the middle of the night for a case/subterfuge than Mycroft and Lestrade, as their career roles work in tangent with each other. And they share (1) chaotic child between the two of them, so they just. get it when one receives a call telling them to fish this loud annoying bitey man child out of the Thames. Their jobs get in the way of establishing close relationships, so who better to relate to than another who live the same kind of life and can understand?

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mimssides · 3 years

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Life on Crow Avenue: Part 16

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___

Remus had researched PTSD, ADHD, depression and anxiety. He had started doing so a few months after the car crash, when he had noticed the changes in Roman’s behaviour. And as he did so he had seen the changes within himself as well. He had noticed patterns which were new, feelings that started to disappear.

Quite honestly, Logan was impressed. Impressed by Remus’s sharp perception. By his own introspection and his findings. And the fact that he was critical of his own analysis and tried to not be too wrapped up in them.

What had Logan worried though was how often Remus mentioned his fear and worries about Roman. How much seemed to be focused on him and not on Remus himself. And while Remus’s worries might have been warranted, Logan knew that he could not only focus on Roman. That he needed to look after himself.

Carefully, Logan tried to steer the conversation in a direction, where he could talk about Remus’s fixation on Roman. As Remus mentioned once more how long it took Roman to even mention the accident after it had happened, Logan took his chance and said: “I understand Roman is important to you, but he is not the only person to worry about.”

“It’s hard not to worry about him… He – He struggles a lot and he doesn’t admit most of it. I know I’m not one to talk about my mental health either but he’s in deep denial and-” Remus said but was interrupted by Logan.

“I understand your concerns, Remus,” Logan reassured Remus not wanting to talk his worries down, “I truly do. And I know your brother is fighting with a lot as well but maybe you might need to stand back a bit from him. Not abandon or leave him. But you need to take care of yourself first and you cannot do so if you are constantly worrying and playing therapist for Roman as well. You can only do so much for him. And he is a grown-up too. You need to trust him and make the right decisions for himself.”

Logan watched Remus run his fingers through his hair. He was thinking of a fitting retort but Logan knew he was right and that Remus was indeed smart enough to know that too. He just had to admit it to himself.

“Yes, right but I don’t think he always makes the right decisions for himself…” Remus argued weakly.

“That might be true but it is not your responsibility to fix that. You cannot support him so much that it exhausts you, Remus. You need to learn to have boundaries and let other people take over.”

Logan knew that his advice was a lot harder to follow through than it sounded. He knew Remus would struggle. He knew he would not know what healthy boundaries felt like at the beginning of all of it. He knew he would not trust anybody to take care of his brother at first.

“… then would you help me get him into therapy, if I were to go to therapy?”

Not the offer Logan had expected. Not at all. But it was quite welcome.

“If you go, I certainly would try and help you convince him,” Logan said carefully watching Remus’s reaction.

He was tense. His shoulders stiff and his hands twitching minimally, almost too unremarkably to notice. But as he was breathing in and out his eyes began to focus. Began to focus on Logan he met Logan’s eyes evenly with a gulp. There was something so incredibly intense and real about him in that very moment. So much energy and force just peeking out for the fraction of a second and Logan did not know what to think of it.

“Thank you. You’re a really good man.”

Remus’s voice was warm and far more trusting than it was ought to be. But Logan did not get to muse about that. Remus was taking his phone and checked the time, making a surprised expression for a moment. Then he shot shy look to Logan.

“Would you mind us checking in on Ro and the J-man? We’ve been talking for a good hour or so and I think I want to make sure how they are doing. There’s only so much they can be doing in a greenhouse for so long and I don’t think they’ll start fucking anytime soon,” Remus finished with a shrug.

Logan let out a huff and answered with an eyeroll: “Don’t underestimate Janus’s ‘seducing’ skills.”

“Don’t underestimate my Roman’s need for a slow burn romance. This kind of fuckery isn’t up to his standards, trust me, bicho.”

Logan tried to overhear the nickname once more by steering the conversation into a new direction: “Where exactly do you have a greenhouse? I was not aware that you had one on the lot.”

“Backyard. It was already part of the building and we have a small collection of flowers there. Actually, do you think Patton would like to see that? Like, he loves colourful stuff, right? Do you think he would - would like to check it out with us?”

Adorable.

Wait. No. Remus was not adorable. The way he asked Logan if they should invite Patton to see the greenhouse was maybe a little endearing. But not cute. Decidedly not adorable.

Clearing his throat, Logan got up from his chair and said: “I think he would appreciate the invitation. I can text him and he might join us downstairs?”

Remus smiled wildly and nodded as he got up himself. Logan put on a forced smile and sent Patton a text, while he and Remus started to get out of the flat climbing down the stairs. Logan was lucky, for once in his life Patton had already seen his text and answered quickly that he would be outside in a minute. Logan told Remus so much and both men got outside to wait for the third one to join them.

___

Roman had not been kidding when he told Janus that he had a very low alcohol tolerance. The small amount of rest alcohol in one can of alcohol-free beer had been enough to get him tipsy. Which was why Janus now knew that Roman got giggly and rather affectionate while slightly inebriated. The tall man was laying to his feet, constantly reaching for the seams of Janus’s pants and mumbling little nothings to himself.

It was somehow endearing seeing him so soft and unapologetically warm hearted. At the same time Janus did not feel entitled to see him like this. To see him in such a moment of vulnerability despite Roman having chosen to drink in his presence. It just rubbed him the wrong way.

Janus’s phone buzzed and he quickly took it out to see a message from Virgil where he was at.

“Who’s it? You’re frowning.”

Janus looked down to Roman who was holding onto the bottom of his pant leg after having asked his question.

Janus couldn’t help himself but answered gently as he would to one of his younger nephews or nieces when they asked him things: “Virgil wants to know where I am. He probably wants me to come home soon.”

“Tell him he can come over. Wait, I’ll write him myself,” Roman promptly replied and took out his phone from one of his pockets.

Janus wanted to intervene when just then the backdoor to the store opened and Remus, Logan and Patton emerged. Both Logan and Patton were rather taken aback by the amazing visuals of the greenhouse while Remus obviously looked around for Roman. They entered the greenhouse and Janus waved at Patton, who waved back happily before his eyes fell down on Roman lying on the floor.

“Did you have to?” Remus moaned as he saw the beer cans and walked up to Roman.

Softly Remus kicked Roman into the side, to which Roman barely reacted as he was still focused on his phone.

“Roman!” Remus said with more emphasis and Roman finally put his phone down and looked up to Remus.

“I only had one. And I’m not taking more. Just one. I swear!” he defended himself and Remus rolled his eyes.

Begrudged Remus stretched his hand out to Roman, as offer to help him up. Yet Roman did not budge and Remus sighed. He could be such a little shit when he wanted to. Annoyed Remus turned away and threw his hands in the air while mumbling something under his breath.

Meanwhile Patton and Logan came further inside the greenhouse and Patton steered towards Janus. They exchanged a look and wordlessly Patton motioned towards Roman to which Janus only shrugged and then looked back down to Roman, who was putting away his phone.

“Virgil’s coming over by the way,” Roman declared and turned a little to face Remus more clearly.

Remus just groaned and scratched his forehead while Roman giggled a little. Janus was simply amazed. By the fact that Roman had managed to convince Virgil to come over and by the fact that he was so nonchalant and carefree about it. It was so strange seeing the otherwise so prideful man present himself so silly and undignified.

“Okay, please stand up because we have guests. Can we do that?” Remus tried once more to get Roman to stand up.

With a frown Roman finally sat up and looked over to Patton and Logan with a wide grin. Patton gave him a confused wave while Logan just furrowed his brows and looked over to Remus in slight confusion. Remus just massaged his temples and shot Janus a venomous look before suddenly a thought crossed his mind.

“I didn’t do anything to deserve that look!” Janus shortly interrupted Remus’s thought process.

Remus just shot him a look and waved him off with a quick: “Well, you don’t have to deal with him tonight when he needs to go to bed. Do you know how energized he’s now? He’s got the idiocy and determination to try and walk up walls! But that probably doesn’t matter to Jazz Daddy.”

Hearing the nick name Janus scrunched his nose in disgust to which Remus just retorted with a little giggle and shifted his attention back to Roman. Quickly Remus crouched down a bit to get on Roman’s eye level, who now suspiciously stared at him. Roman could almost sense his brother’s inpatient energy and felt himself starting to fumble with the seams of his pants.

“So, I need you to tire yourself out. Otherwise I’ll lose my mind trying to get you to bed tonight,” Remus started while watching his brother making the most offended pouty face he could. “So, I thought you might wanna sing? Disney?”

There was a visible shot of energy rushing through Roman’s eyes before something clouded the sudden excitement and the man looked down to the floor. Remus put his hand on Romans shoulder and he glanced up at him again.

“My voice is shitty right now. After crying and all,” Roman meekly said while holding his hand against his throat.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Look at me and tell me that you actually care enough to not sing right now.”

“… I kinda don’t care…”

Remus nodded and stood back up with a grin. He chuckled a bit and said to Roman: “That’s what I thought. Go and let Virgil inside, while I get the speaker.”

Just a second after Roman agilely jumped onto his feet and patted down his pants before marching outside the greenhouse into to the store to open the door for Virgil when he came. Remus just shook his head and then walked to the other side of the greenhouse where they had a different gardening tools stored in a wooden box.

Quietly Remus began to rummage through the box and turned back to the three other men after a while. He held a little green Bluetooth speaker in his hands and turned it on to connect it with his phone. Staring down on the screen he sighed and walked over them.

“Sorry, for the accusation Jan,” Remus said at once while the speaker beeped signalling it had connected to the phone. “I know you’re not responsible, he’s his own man and all. I’m just. I’m very exhausted.”

Remus lifted his gaze from the phone and shot Janus a look before he sat down on the chair next to Janus. Quickly he waved for Logan and Patton to take a seat as well, Logan taking the last chair while Patton sat down on a wooden crate. All three watched Remus and when he sat his elbow down on the little table and laid his head in his hand Patton leaned over to him and softly patted his back.

A shudder ran down Remus’s spine and he hastily looked up to Patton. Patton looked like he wanted to pull back but Remus held onto his arm before he could do so and looked back down to the floor. Patton watched him and continued to draw circles on Remus’s back. It was a little concerning how stiff he felt and how much he leaned into the contact. But Patton was considerate enough to not mention it.

“He just gets a little much when he’s drunk,” Remus said suddenly and looked straight forward not focusing on anyone next to him. “And loud. And it’s nothing bad or horrible but I’m just worn out. By – by feeling so much. So fucking much. I don’t know how he can do it all day everyday…”

What to say to a statement like that? What to say to a man like Remus after such a long day? Neither knew and somehow, they all felt relieved when he exhaled and straightened his back, lips slowly forming a smirk. Mischievously, he glanced over to Janus who felt a sense of threat overcome him.

“You didn’t hear him sing before, right?”

Janus furrowed his brows and said cautiously: “No, when would I have had the chance?”

Remus chuckled and rolled his shoulders amused.

“Boy you’re in for a ride then!” Remus laughed and before the others could ask what he meant Roman came back with Virgil in tow.

The two came inside the greenhouse and a few words were exchanged before Virgil settled down on the box beside Patton and Remus and Roman had a small dispute about which Disney playlist Remus should put on, after which the discussion about which language Roman should sing them in followed. The choice fell on the Happy-Go-Lucky playlist in English and Roman walked a little away from the table to have more room to move around. Then looked back to the group and shot Janus a short glance before he batted his lashes and gave Remus the thumbs up for him to press the play button.

And with that the music began to play. A soft melody started and just a few moments in Roman began to beam. A second after he began to sing:

“I have often dreamed, of a far-off place Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face And a voice keeps saying, ‘This is where I'm meant to be’”

Roman continued, eyes closed, feet moving softly to the words and hands following the picture he painted with his voice flawlessly. It wasn’t perfect by any means, on some notes he let himself linger a little too long, some of the higher notes scratched a little as he sang them but watching him perform, watching Roman engulf himself completely in this song was quite spectacular. Spectacular in a way that one forgot that they sat in a greenhouse. Spectacular in a way that one forgot that the singer was florist. Spectacular in a way that one forgot that their nephew had a phone with which he could make pictures to bribe one later on.

Remus leaned back enjoying his brother’s little show. He watched how Logan’s surprise slowly ebbed away and how he watched his brother quite interested. Patton was bobbing his head along with a big smile and Virgil did so as well after he had taken a picture of Janus.

Janus who was completely thrown off guard by Roman’s flair and stage presence. Well, greenhouse presence but Remus believed that Janus didn’t care that much about it, not when he sometimes got to look at Romans wide grin and almost glowing eyes from all the excitement and joy just to be able to performing in front of a few people.

The song ended and Roman gave a little bow to which Patton clapped enthusiastically, making the others join him out of amusement. The next song started just right after and after a few beats the all recognized “A Spoonful of Sugar”. With just as much enthusiasm Roman began to sing the song, while his mimic and movements adjusted to the mood of the song.

Halfway in, Remus heard a second voice slightly humming and mouthing the words. Unsure where it came from, he looked into the round and found that it was Patton who slowly began to join Roman in his singing to the amusement of Virgil next to him. Remus couldn’t help himself but smiled at Patton’s happy face while more and more joining the song despite missing a few words then and when.

Remus found himself admiring the small singing attempts and didn’t notice how Roman as well caught onto Patton’s singing and walked towards him before the song ended. As it did Roman stretched his hand out for Patton and asked with a wide smile: “Wanna join me? You seem to have fun.”

“Oh gosh,” Patton said flustered and rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m by far not as good as you. I don’t want to ruin your singing.”

“Not good? How does that matter now! This is just for us and singing with people is awesome! Just join me!”

Roman was energetic and optimistic and despite Patton’s reservations he got up and joined Roman reluctantly beginning to sing as “Bare Necessities” began to play.

Remus was amazed. Patton was not one for showmanship but he adapted and matched Roman’s energy with seemingly no effort. His voice was raspier than Roman’s, some notes he sang sounded scruffy but the joy he found after getting over the first inhibitions was mesmerizing to him. The way he giggled over the words he missed or when he forgot to join Roman in a line because he got distracted watching him, was just too admirable to not smile at.

The next song that came was “Under the Sea”. And it was the song where Roman decided Patton should dance with him. After a short-lived protest of Patton Roman took him by the hands and began leading Patton a little. It took them a moment to figure out what worked with the music and their skills but then they somehow fell into a rhythm and Roman even managed to spin Patton around once, which led to the latter having a laughing fit.

Logan smiled at Patton’s blush and Roman’s childish excitement. Patton was not one to move around often and his dancing was a little stiff while Roman made quite a good figure in the whole process. He moved in steady flow, quick, charming and joyful. And in a way Patton’s clumsiness but genuine effort complimented the impromptu dancing session.

They continued dancing when the next song began, “Be Our Guest”, and Logan thought about the chubby boy, always wearing light blue polo shirts and trying to not stand out too much back from high school. Young Patton would never have dared to stand out like this. To dance and sing like this. To have cyan hair and colourful tattoos. To be amongst other queer people and be proud of it.

Roman might have had similar fears and reservations, Logan assumed concluding from what Remus had told him, but right in this setting it seemed as if they did not matter to him that much. It seemed he was quite content and happy with himself and this kind of confidence helped Patton relax as well.

It truly was endearing, Logan admitted to himself and looked to the others. Remus and Janus were very obviously love-struck by Patton and Roman respectively and Logan just rolled his eyes at that. What was to expect from two dramatic queer men in love? Lastly his look landed on Virgil, who amused raised his eyebrows at his uncle to which Logan responded with a mocking eye roll.

More songs came; “Almost There”, “Friend Like Me”, “Hakuna Matata” and “You’re Welcome”. The mood was light but the evening got older and they had to get to bed for tomorrow. To open their respective stores and a Goodbyes were exchanged.

It wasn’t lost on Logan how reluctantly Janus parted from Roman, how soft his otherwise ever so cool look was. Neither was it lost on him how surprised Remus was when Patton hugged him as a goodbye, and how grateful he looked at Logan when he wished him a good night.

It had been a heavy evening but the end was rather sweet. Especially considering why everything had started so solemnly. Nevertheless, Logan found himself cautiously optimistic when he wished Patton a good night as he walked up the stairs into his own apartment. Hopefully, Remus could take the advice he had given him and hopefully this would not be the last night they had had fun together.

___

It was almost an hour later, Roman had showered while Remus would do so in the morning. Both had put on their pyjamas and were now laying in Remus’s bed. Roman had offered to leave him alone, had said that his ask from before was not fair and that he trusted Remus enough to stay in his bed alone overnight. But Remus let him come into his room and sleep beside him. It was less lonely and somehow, he felt saver with Roman around. And he knew that Roman shared the sentiment.

They turned of the light and Remus laid there between the wall and Roman’s back staring at the ceiling. He was unsure what today had been. He was unsure how he should sleep.

The light was flicked on and Remus blinked against the sudden brightness. Roman moved and turned to face him already signing.

“So, why are you not sleeping?” Roman signed

With a sigh Remus retorted: “Why are you not sleeping is the better question. You can always sleep.”

I can. But I’m keeping myself awake to figure out why you’re not sleeping yet. ‘Cause I’m a good brother.”

“Sure-” Remus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest – “You won’t turn off the light until I answer right?”

“Correct,” Roman signed with a fat smile on his face.

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed. What is it?”

After a moment of hesitation Remus said: “You know Pat.”

“In fact, I do. I sang and danced with him like not even an hour ago.”

“Yeah. Right. You were doing that.”

Remus noisily gulped and felt himself already getting flustered.

Roman sat up and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly while signing: “Oh?”

Desperately Remus buried his face in his hands and moaned: “Yes, oh. Like fuck-me-he-is-so-adorable-and-wonderful-and-in-need-to-fucking-hold-him-in-my-arms-in-this-very-instance oh. The kind of oh like, like in the stupid love-on-the-first-sight looks! The ultimate fucking I’ve fallen far too quickly for this adorable, kind, wonderful and stupidly caring pastel punk oh!”

Roman shook him at the arm and Remus glanced through his fingers to see him smiling widely while once again sighing: “Oh!”

“And to make it even worse-” Remus gave up trying to protect his dignity – “The nerd is just as bad! Like, he is very awkward but I totally get it and know what he means and now I have the feeling that he’s, he’s kinda impressed with the things I know and fucking- fucking cares about what I say? And it’s confusing and stupid and so freaking HOt, Roman! He’s so hot and I don’t know what to do with that!”

Roman laughed a bit and then laid back down.

Gently he signed then: “Well, I don’t know either but for the first time in ages I think your crushes are not the shadiest people I’ve ever met in my life so you have my blessing! I’ve you’re in need of a wingman, or best man, I’ll be your man!”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“Thanks, oh most gracious Roman.”

“You’re welcome my trashy brother dearest,” Roman retorted with a triumphant smile.

At once Remus had a thought and began to grin. That might be a good way to get a payback from his far too cocky brother.

“Talking of shady people though…” Remus began and watched the unsuspecting face of Roman.

“Yeah?”

“Janus is possibly the shadiest man you’ve ever fallen for, you know?”

Now it was Roman’s time to fluster. Defensively he sat up again and signed agitatedly: “Hey! He’s not that shady! He just – just looks a little shady. But he’s, he’s very cute. And patient. And being around him is very easy, you know? Like he just accepts what I throw at him and goes with it. Just. Just takes me as I come. It’s nice. Really nice.”

Remus smiled a little and let out a soft laugh as he glanced at Roman smiling and clearly thinking about the Jazz man.

“… You know what?” Remus said eventually.

“What?”

“He has my blessing. If you wanna fuck him you might continue. I won’t threaten him or cockblock you again.”

“You’re stupid,” Roman said and shoved him with a half-hearted offence.

“You’re welcome.”

“… Thank you. I really like him.”

“I get it. He’s classy.”

“Yeah, and Pat’s fun. And Lo might actually be able to match your fucking intellect. He’s smart.”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah… Ready to sleep now?”

“I’ll try. Te quiero.”

“También te quiero. Sleep well.”

Remus made an agreeing noise and Roman turned the light back off. After a few minutes Remus felt how Roman put his arm around him and how the weight and warmth slowly lulled him to sleep. Surprisingly he would have a rather regenerating nights rest for once.

___

@varthandi

@sickeningly-deceitful

@sammy-is-obsessed / @exhaustedfander

@unoriginalgayboyalex

@alexisrealgay

@softie-sushi

@wolfs-feder

@just-a-neoclassical-painting

Tagged for this fic:

@frawkeye

@arodynamic-enby

@espepspes

@bullet-tothefeels

@fukindork

@shadeofadye

@magic-but-its-green

@croftersjam15

#sanders sides #remus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #Life on Crow Avenue #mim writes #please reblog

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dontshootmespence · 4 years

Text

Random Chance

Summary: Y/N yields to peer pressure and Spencer loses a bet. Did fate bring them together or was it random chance?

Words: 1,689

Warnings: Gross fluff.

A/N: My next entry for @cmbingo 2020! This fulfills my meet cute square.

This was the fifth outfit change.

“Why did I let you talk me into this?” You screamed, glancing into the mirror before ripping off your shirt and pants for a sixth outfit. “Speed dating? Fuck my life. This is peer pressure. You suck.”

Under pressure, filled with nervous tension, you tended to run your mouth, and right now Piper was at the opposing end of your razor sharp sword. But she still had a smile on her face. “You need to get out there and you won’t do it yourself, so I had to push you,” she laughed, pushing passed the mountain of packed boxes and pulling one of your favorite dresses out of the closet.

“A dress? Really? For speed dating?”

Dating sucked. It was the most horrible thing ever. All you wanted was to fall into the perfect relationship and then cuddle on the couch. Was that so much to ask?

Piper laughed and stood behind you, holding the dress over your body. “Yes, it’s not an evening gown or anything. And it’s you. Just because you’re going speed dating doesn’t mean the guys you meet shouldn’t see exactly who you are.”

As much of a pain in the ass as she was, Piper was still your bestie, since you were in diapers. And she wanted the best for you. She’d pulled out your Harry Potter dress, the one with the first chapter’s words written all over. “Pair that with your cute red flats and the guys will be falling over themselves to get to you and the ones that don’t are stupid.”

You snorted and stepped into the flats, taking yet another glance into the dreaded mirror. “You know you couldn’t have picked a worse time for me to go speed dating,” you said, finally content with your outfit. Within the week, you’d be moving and starting a new job at the local community college. “Next week, dude.”

“Life’s too short to wait,” she said, playfully smacking your butt. “Plus, at least it’s at that kitschy bookstore you love. Now go take a nice relaxing walk and breathe. You’ll be fine. I gotta go to work.”

“Text me when you get there so I know you’re safe,” you call, hearing the thud of the heavy apartment door close behind her.

After grabbing your red sweater, you headed down the stairs, locking the door behind you. The bookstore was only a few blocks away and it was a beautiful day out, so you decided to take advantage of the sunny weather.

A breeze brushes through your hair as you walk and the sun beats down on your skin. There are a few other people around, but mostly people are at work. You would be too if it weren’t for the whole “new job, new place, new life” kick you were on. Decided to take a few weeks off before starting your new job.

The entrance to the Old Fox bookstore was as obnoxious as could be, at least when compared to the rest of the stores on the block. The door was painted a bright red, but it was somewhat worn by age. The store opened up during the 60s and it was still just as popular today.

Like the three bears, the store wasn’t a giant chain or a teeny tiny hole in the wall, it was just right. The walls were a muted turquoise, which you’d alway loved. Everyone seemed to think that neutral was the way to go but you’d always been a fan of in your face color - at least after your goth teen years.

Noise filled the air - not normal for this place - it was always on quiet side, but given the event you weren’t surprised. Seemed to be an equal amount of men and women, which made you feel a little better, not wanting to be outnumbered.

Since there was still a little time to waste before everything started, you figured there wasn’t any harm in looking for another book or two...or five. One of the first things you planned to put up in your new apartment was this scratch-off list, kind of like a lottery ticket, the listed nearly 200 classics. You'd read a lot of them before, but there were still some that you hadn’t, so maybe you could find one and pick it up before the nausea-inducing speed dating began.

After reading Good Omens, you’d been hankering for another Neil Gaiman book, so you slithered between the masses in the store toward the section in question. American Gods, Anansi Boys, Eternity’s Wheel, you weren’t sure which one to pick.

All - all was a good choice, right?

The colorful spines of the books called out to you, another one of Gaiman’s works. Your hand crawled along the edges of the nearby books, your hand just brushing up against someone else’s as you reached for The Graveyard Book. “Oh, sorry,” you said, staring up into the face of a beautiful stranger. He was thin and tall with delicate features, but he had a sharp jaw and deep set hazel eyes that were complemented by wavy brown hair. “I’m apparently on a Gaiman binge. Have you read any of his stuff before?”

“Yea,” he replied, eyeing the stack of books already in your hand. “American Gods, Good Omens and Eternity’s Wheel. I tend to read textbooks most of the time, but I’ve been told I should delve into more fun reading, so-”

He cut himself off and took the book off the shelf, offering it to you. “You saw it first.” Aw, gallant, too. “I’m Spencer by the way.”

“Y/N,” you said, extending your hand. “What brings you here? You live around here?”

Spencer glanced toward the tables set up for speed dating. “No, actually I lost a bet to two friends of mine and if I lost I had to go speed dating. Can’t say I’m all that comfortable with it.”

“Me either,” you laughed. “My friend Piper peer pressured me into it. I don’t drink but somehow she got me to agree to this.”

The owner of the store gave a five minute warning that speed dating was about to start. “So how long will it take you to read those?” He shifted on the balls of his feet, probably nervous, which you understood.

“Well, I have a few weeks off while I move apartments and start a new job, so these...probably four, five days.” You laughed, feeling every inch the nerd you were. “Been an avid reader since I was a kid. Why do you read textbooks though? Fiction is so much more fun.”

“I can read 20,000 words per minute and I’m always trying to absorb as much knowledge as I can. Helps with the work I do.”

“Which is?” He was cute and intriguing.

“I’m an FBI profiler for the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico.”

And smart. Shit. There had to be something wrong with him. Dream guys like this didn’t grow on trees. “Impressive, Spencer. What’s your background in?”

He looked down at the ground, almost like he was embarrassed, speaking softly. “I have BAs in psychology, sociology and philosophy, as well as PhDs in mathematics, chemistry and engineering.”

“Oh my god,” you laughed. Really smart. Like stupid smart. “That’s amazing.”

“Really?”

“Of course!” How could that not be amazing? “Why?”

“It’s just that people normally think I’m a freak for having so many.”

You wanted to punch whoever made him feel that way. “Definitely not a freak, just insanely impressive considering you’re so young.” He couldn’t have been much older than you. Maybe five years at the most.

“I started college when I was 12.”

As the owner called out to start the most awkward dating experience known to man, you turned to Spencer. “Hey, would you maybe want to get out of here? Go grab a cup of coffee? I mean, we both had friends insist we come here, but we never said we actually had to go through with it.”

Tension fell from his shoulders, like he could finally be at ease. “I’d like that. I’m really not good at this whole date thing,” he said nervously. “Just a heads up.”

Both of you shuffled over to the register, so you could pay for your books. “Neither am I, don’t worry. I’d prefer to just magically be in a relationship and not have to work for it, you know?”

“Absolutely, so Y/N, what do you do for a living? What’s the new job?”

Now it was your turn to be embarrassed, well not embarrassed, intimidated. “It’s definitely not as fancy as FBI profiler. I have my master’s degree in English literature. I’m going for a PhD too, but to pay for the half of my doctorate that scholarship won’t, I’m teaching. First, it was an online course through a University in New Hampshire where I’d travel occasionally, even though I live her, but now I got a job at the local community college.”

“That’s awesome,” he said, seeming genuinely interested. “What’s the focus on your thesis?”

So few people asked you that. Most people’s eyes glazed over when you talked about books. Everyone except your mom. “Analyzing Othello through the lends of racism as it relates to the Elizabethan period.”

After handing the cashier your money, you and Spencer walked out together, talking about your favorite Shakespeare plays, when he bumped into someone. A muscular, equally tall black guy. “Hey, kid. Funny meeting you here. Aren’t you supposed to be fulfilling your end of the deal? You lose, you speed date?”

He was one of Spencer’s friends. That much was obvious. But Spencer looked 1001% done with his bullshit - whatever it was. “Y/N, this is my friend Derek Morgan. We work together at the FBI. Morgan, this is Y/N.”

“Well, hello, Y/N.” A charmer.

“Good to meet you,” you replied on a laugh. “Technically, he didn’t go speed dating. Neither did I and I promised my friend Piper I would, but...he is leaving with a date.” You grabbed Spencer’s hand, a jolt of something awesome moving through you at his touch. “We’re going for a cup of coffee now actually.”

“Yea, so as you see, I’m the one busy with a woman right now.” Morgan seemed quite the ladies man and Spencer looked mighty proud of himself right now. “See you tomorrow at work?”

“See you tomorrow,” Morgan replied, a note of surprise in his voice. “Nice to meet you Y/N.”

“You too. I sense we’ll be seeing more of each other.”

When you both walked away, you pulled The Graveyard Book out of your bag and handed it to Spencer. “You read this first. I think this date might go pretty well, but if you have this, then you have to return it to me and I’m guaranteed to see you again.”

Spencer smiled, his fingers tightening around yours. “I’ll have to thank Morgan for being a pain in my ass.”

“So, you lost a bet?”

“Yea, he bet I couldn’t go a day without spouting statistics and I lost. I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Piper just peer pressured me. Guess I’ll have to thank her too.”

The strong, heady scent of coffee began to fill your nostrils as you approached the cafe. When he opened the door, he seemed to finally catch a glimpse of your dress. “Wait, is that the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone on your dress?”

“Yup. I’m a Slytherin by the way.”

“Oh, you definitely won’t need a guarantee to see me again, as long as you want to, I think I’m smitten.”

Piper was going to get a big hug later. Maybe dinner. And lots of wine.

#cmbingo #cmbingo2020 #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fluff #meet cute #dontshootmespence

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