#where does half of this come from we just saw him be angry and sad once. and i like him and i love to extrapolate!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

byechristopher · 3 months

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pleaseee a fic where chris and reader meet for the first time (she's lowkey sad or some shit like that idk) and he's all starstruck by her 😞

lucky you.

–CHRIS STURNIOLO FLUFF.

Author's note: hey y'all. I got the idea from this lovely anon (thank you for the request!🤍) and combined it with something that actually happened to me. Fate truly works in mysterious ways – so take this long, sappy story (based on true events, pft). I hope you like it! Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: long, sappy fluff. Very slight angst if you squeeze, but nothing crazy. Very long, didn't proofread!

My mom used to always say – "that's life; when one door closes, another door opens". And if I still lived in the same house with mom, she'd know; I haven't seen an opened door in a long while. It is unfair but it is what it is and I had no intention of succumbing to tears in the solitude of my nightly despair.

Seated on the chilled bench, I instinctively drew my knees towards my chest in a desperate bid for warmth. The sheer elegance of my black tights, though adorning my legs, proved futile against the biting cold. Unfazed, I refrained from complaining; after all, they were my cherished favorites. Mascara was most likely smudged from my previous ugly crying, yet I ignored it, taking solace in my sweater's embrace.

Leaning my head against my knees, my fingers absentmindedly engaged with the laces of my shoes – a subconscious act of distraction. In the midst of this self-imposed solitude, a sudden exclamation pierced the quietude.

"Shit!" I heard a voice, someone angry. The mysterious guy threw his hat on the pavement and scoffed, his hair nearly as messy as mine. His gaze shifted towards me, a thorough assessment from head to toe, "care if I sit next to you?" he asked quickly. Without much ado, I responded with a nonchalant shrug. I didn't care, I had way more things to worry about.

I could feel him rummaging through his pockets, trying to find God knows what, he seemed upset, anxious, "want a cig?" I didn't see him, but I saw his extended arm in front of me. I don't think he was looking at me either.

"Sure." I murmured under my breath, taking a cigarette from him half-empty packet.

"Why does life have to be such a fucking bitch?" I chuckled in response, treating it more as a statement than a question. Offering another shrug, I watched as he scanned the area, likely in search of his lighter.

"If I had the answer to that, I'd probably murder this bitch." I chuckled, he chuckled too.

He held the lighter in front of me and only then did I turn my head to look at him – he was definitely not what I expected to see from what I've heard. While I didn't dwell on it for long, it seemed he did, as seconds passed without his lighter igniting. His intense pale blue eyes remained fixed on mine, and I briefly removed the cigarette from my mouth.

"Hello?" was my mascara that smudged that I scared the guy? He hasn't uttered a word.

"Oh.. sorry." he shook his head, as though attempting to shake off the reverie that had consumed him in the past few moments in his own world, "I just.. didn't expect you to be here?"

"Well.. I'm pretty sure we haven't met before. So how come you didn't expect me?.." I was confused.

"No, I mean.. you are very beautiful." he almost whispered but I caught that, and if I was just a little disconnected from reality, I probably would've blushed.

"Oh. Thank you." my lips turned into a thin line – I put the cigarette back into my mouth, grabbing his lighter instead.

He chuckled, "and I thought I didn't know how to take a compliment." he took his lighter back, taking a puff of his own cigarette.

"Don't you hear like a thousand compliments on a daily basis?" with my knees still pulled up to my chest, I embraced them tightly, resting my head against the comforting curve of my legs.

"Hm. And yet this was the best compliment anyone has ever given me." he placed a leg on the bench, just so that he'd be able to have his whole body face me.

I couldn't help but laugh, "yeah, I'm good at giving things. Not receiving."

He nodded, his hat still on the ground although he didn't seem to care, "understood.." he smiled and wow, he had a nice smile, almost contagious, "a fellow people pleaser, nice to meet you. I'm Chris."

I reciprocated with a nod and a quick smile. My name slipped off my lips swiftly, echoed by him, and I couldn't help but notice how much better it sounded when it rolled off his tongue.

"Will I ever see you again?" he looked me dead in the eye.

"Probably not." I pursed my lips, looking back at him.

He nodded as if he understood and dropped his burnt cigarette to the ground. Chris grabbed his hat and got up, offering another smile, "I believe in fate."

"I don't." I teased, smiling.

"You probably should." he shouted, already far away from me to speak normally.

What an interaction.

It had been quite a while since said interaction. Not that I thought about the guy a lot, but he definitely was in the back of my mind. Even when I was outside, he'd still cross my mind every now and then, like a nice, distant memory.

I chuckled as I gulped down my whiskey – the music was too loud for my own liking but it was a Saturday night and it'd be a pity if I stayed home once again; my friends begged and I actually like hanging out with them. I watched as my friends danced with each other, not too far away from me, as I rummaged through my purse to find the money so I could pay and leave.

"Fucking.. shit.." I cursed under my breath, turning my phone's flashlight on because the lights in that bar were bright as fuck, but apparently not enough to actually help me see.

"D'you need any help?" I heard a somewhat familiar voice shouting behind me. I turned around and my eyes widened when I saw him.

"I.. you!" I was beyond surprised, to say the least, because I was truly convinced I'd never see him again. Not because I didn't want it; but because I had enough on my plate already.

"Shit.." he whispered, and if I wasn't already looking at his lips, I wouldn't be able to know what he said, "..see, I told you fate works in mysterious ways."

"This was just a coincidence." I convince myself.

Was it, though?

"This was no coincidence and you know it.." he grinned and I let my eyes travel down his body for a few seconds – he looked best in black, ".. I need to see you again.." he muttered.

"Well, it seems you will indeed see me again." I smiled.

"Does that mean you'll give me your phone number?" he grinned and I saw his eyes do the same thing mine did to him; check me out.

I hummed, "..hmm.. no. We'll see if fate actually works." I smiled.

"You can't be serious.." he tilted his head, looking at me in disbelief, "I found you again, how can I leave when I don't know if I'll ever see you again?"

"You said you believed in fate."

I found him undeniably attractive and intriguing. However, at that moment, I realized I wasn't emotionally equipped to entertain the idea of liking someone or embarking on dates. The weight of my personal struggles loomed large, and I couldn't shake the fear that if he discovered the extent of my problems, he'd likely reject me. Hence, I concluded it was better to distance myself now rather than risk inevitable disappointment later on.

It's not like I'd see him again.

Truly, it's been more than a month since I last saw him; I did think about him way more often than usual but he still remained a nice, distant memory. A memory that was in the past and would never be in the future.

"Yo, we're leaving already? It's 2AM." my friend whined, although we were already walking down the stairs, toward the exit, with our jackets on and bags in our hands.

"No, love, we're just taking our fucking bags for a little walk." another friend replied, rolling her eyes and I couldn't help but laugh at their bickering.

Immediately after departing from the bar, he made his way out of the restaurant located directly beneath it. You have to be fucking kidding me.

"You.." he whispered, his eyes widened.

My mouth hung open, my eyes as wide as his; I really couldn't believe it this time. This couldn't be a coincidence, right?

"What.. are you doing here?" there was nothing else that could leave my mouth at that time.

"I work here.. now, you can't tell me this is a coincidence." he walked closer to me, although still keeping a distance to be respectful.

It definitely wasn't but I was still in the same mood I was back then.

"I can't tell just yet." I teased him; deep down I wished I could give him way more. But I knew I couldn't.

"Don't.. tell me.. are you not gonna give me your phone number? Again?" he chuckled in disbelief once again. I nodded.

"He better be a murderer, bitch; that's the only valid reason for you not giving him your phone number yet." shit, I completely forgot that my friends were literally behind me, staring at us; they knew nothing about this.

"Stop." I whispered to my friend and I don't think she heard me but she definitely saw the expression on my face.

"Please?" he said and I almost gave in when I saw those eyes.

I have always been self-destructive but this wasn't it, this time. It was realistic, right? I really couldn't do this; I knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with my lifestyle so I was just doing me a favor by saving myself from possible heartbreak. Right?

"I promise you now; if we meet again, I'm opening up to you. Fully. My phone number, my likes, my diskikes." I gave him a teasing smile, which he seemed happy to receive.

"Pinky promise. Now. I trust fate but not you." he chuckled and so did I.

"But you trust my pinky?" I laughed but he seemed serious, despite his playful stare. I sighed, still smiling, wrapping my pinky around his, "..promise."

This would probably never happen. It's fine.

This time, I really thought about him; dreamed about him even. That was very unlike me but it happened either way. I seemed to be doing lots of things that were unlike me lately – like going to this bar again. I wasn't going to see him but I was hoping to.

The whiskey was cold against my lips, my black dress hugging my hips as I sat down on the couch.

"Third time's the charm."

No.

I turned my head and saw Chris speaking to the friend group that were sitting next to ours; I saw them getting up and leaving, Chris replacing them.

"Oh God.. what did you tell them?" my grin was wider than usual, I really wanted to see him after all.

"That.. I needed to sit next to you. And that it was a matter of life and death." he smiled, taking a sip of his own drink.

"You're crazy."

"For you." he said, searching for something.

Before realising, I saw his phone in front of me, signaling me to dial my phone number. And of course, I did.

"So. Start. Tell me everything."

"Do you have free time?" I tilted my head, still looking at him.

"For you? Always." he chuckled.

I cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, looking into his eyes to make sure he wanted to kiss me as well. And as soon as I felt him leaning towards me, I placed the softest kiss on his own soft lips.

"Take me home?"

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deiaiko · 21 days

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#20.1 Sulk

Her footsteps echoed through the hallway, stopping in front of one particular room where her god resided in. She knocked on the door to make her presence known, not expecting her god to answer. Not today, at least.

Hwaryun opened the door and saw her god curled up on the sofa. He peeked at her and quickly looked disinterested at her presence. She considered it better than getting herself kicked out before she could talk some sense into him.

She invited herself in and went straight to the pantry. "Grace couldn't come today, so he asked me to look after you. Would you like some tea?"

Her god didn't answer, but he did perk up at the name. She brewed him a cup of tea anyway, adding a little more sugar than she would have liked for herself since her god had a sweet tooth. She set his cup on the coffee table and took a seat on an unoccupied sofa next to him.

Viole sat more upright, still hugging the sofa pillow. He gave her a once over before he went back to staring into the far off distance. "Why can't Hyung come?"

Hwaryun took a sip of her tea before answering, "He said he needs time for himself."

"Is it because of me?" Viole mumbled into the pillow, eyes shadowed by his long bangs.

"No. He's grieving for his late friends."

"Oh." Viole loosened the grip on the pillow, although only momentarily. "Can I see him?"

'I want to be there for him' was what his gaze seemed to say. Her god was such a compassionate person; it was endearing. Still, she had to shake her head. "You won't be of any help to him with your plate full."

"Why? What does that mean?"

"You have a lot on your mind. It's better to sort them out first before helping someone else." Hwaryun traced the edge of her cup, "Do you want me to guess or would you like to tell them yourself? Putting words into your thoughts will help you to untangle it."

Viole blinked. "I don't know. I feel bad."

Hwaryun hummed. "Do you know the cause of it?

"...Rachel." Viole turned his head away. "My chest aches whenever she comes to mind."

"She betrayed your trust, didn't she? It's expected that you feel that way."

"I've been…I just wanted to help her. Yet…" Viole trailed off. "I know I have forgiven her for making me live like this. But…"

When Viole couldn't find any words to continue, she decided to help him fill in the blanks. "You feel sad and angry because it feels like you're wasting your time thinking about how to get her back, only for her to walk away from you."

Viole buried his face on the pillow, staying quiet.

Hwaryun decided to help herself to the cookie jar on the coffee table and pulled out a book from her pocket. Opening the bookmarked page, she began reading where she left off while she waited for her god to gather his thoughts.

Moments later Viole shifted on his seat and mumbled, "Miss Hwaryun, why should I keep going?"

"To climb the tower?" Hwaryun didn't look up, even though her book was quite boring. "Or to be FUG's slayer?"

Viole stiffened at the latter question. Unlike the book, her god was easier and more interesting to read.

Hwaryun took another sip from her half empty cup. "Well, if you refuse to be a slayer, then what would you be?"

Viole didn't reply. It wasn't like they gave him enough time to think about it before.

"Being FUG's slayer isn't that bad, you know? You have backup here, and we will support you with whatever we have. Connections, money, information. I'm sure Jinsung, Grace or Agni had told you how important those are to help you climb the tower."

Viole bit his lip, "I know that. But that's–"

But nothing they could offer would satisfy him, Hwaryun knew. Because her god didn’t care about money or fame. What he wanted was companionship, his cherished friends, and FUG had cruelly taken that away from him. However, "Believe me, it could be a lot worse than what you have now."

"How much worse could it be?" Viole's voice cracked a little. "I just…want to be with my friends, is it too much to ask?"

"Is it?" Hwaryun clapped the book close, eyeing the untouched tea on the table before looking to its owner in his eyes. "Considering everything I've seen in my lifetime, you're quite lucky your friends are still around."

Viole blinked, staring back at her with a look that could kill. She realized she had worded it like a threat.

"Don't take me wrong, I'm just saying that in general. The tower is just a cruel place, and people who climb it know that they must put their lives on the line to get what they seek. People kill and die for a lot of reasons, and we are no exceptions." Hwaryun placed her finger on her eyepatch, "This eye could have been my life, if I didn't dodge in time. Did you get what I mean?"

Viole frowned. "Then what do I do? I don't want to lose anyone anymore."

Hwaryun hummed thoughtfully, "That is impossible. All you can afford is to do your best by getting stronger, so at the very least, you won't see them get killed in front of you."

Fear reflected in Viole's eyes and he gritted his teeth. "How could you say such a thing?!"

"It's not impossible. If Hansung were to take Khun and Rak as a hostage, would you be able to fight back and win before he's able to hurt them, or worse?"

Viole bit his lip.

"Hansung wouldn't do that, don't worry. But I couldn't say the same thing with other rankers and regulars that will come across you."

Viole considered her words for a long time. "...I don't think I would be okay if I lost them."

"I know." It would be just like what happened with Jinsung.

Viole suddenly jumped down on his feet, staring sharply at her. "They are all still alive, right? My friends, I mean."

"Yes, they are. Grace would have told you otherwise if anything were to happen."

"Then, do you happen to know who Hyung's friends that's…?

Hwaryun shook her head, "No. None that we knew of."

"Ah." The sulking brokenhearted boy he was before was no more, and Hwaryun couldn't help but smile at her beloved god. "Do you think I can help him somehow?"

Masterlist

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vrisrezis · 11 months

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Part 2 to the uhm . Reader leaving and rocket trying to get them not to leave fic LOL

You hold rockets hand, giving him a sad smile. “I promise, I’ll be back. I won’t be gone for long.” you say, looking into his eyes. He had taken the whole, you leaving the guardians thing pretty hard. “I just need some time. To think. To reflect.” he understands. Of course he does. He knows what it feels like to not belong, and he never wants the person he loves to feel that way. At first, he was angry with you but now has come to an understanding. He’d do the same if he had those feelings towards the guardians.

“Come back soon, okay?” he says, and you kiss him on the cheek with a smile. “I will.”

There had been some sort of distress signal, from xandar. Typically rocket hated this place, but this concerned him now given the fact you’ve been staying there for about a couple months now. You two have been sorta in contact, for the most part you have tried to talk once a week. However as of late you haven’t been doing that, which concerned him. Of course, he was worried if you found somebody else, new people to belong to, instead of the guardians, instead of him. While you had told him many times to stop being so negative all the damn time, towards others and to himself, he couldn’t help the way his brain operates. As soon as the guardians arrived, it was pure chaos. Although rocket knew as a guardian of the galaxy, he should be concerned about the innocent people, his mind went to you. Maybe it was selfish of him but in the moment he didn’t care, quickly running off before quill could even say anything. Quill didn’t even bother, already knowing where rocket was heading and decided that he didn’t care all that much, since he also worried for your safety.

Rocket ran as fast as his feet could take him, eventually his hands as well as he started to run on all fours. There were a lot of explosions, a lot of fire. Rocket had always known you to be strong, but there was no way for you to defend yourself against something like this, not without a ship, without people to back you up.

And there he found you, on the floor, struggling to get up. He thanked his lucky stars that nobody was attacking you in the state you were currently in, as he looked before him he saw many soldiers taken down. He was far too focused on you to even see who they were. The closer he ran the more serious your injuries appeared to be. You were clutching your side, and he could see blood seeping out through your hands.

“Rocket?” you ask, surprised to see him. “What the fuck are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be… uhm…” you lose your train of thought, if the fact you of all people, cursed at him wasnt enough evidence to him that you weren’t in the right state of mind. “Yeah yeah, there was a distress signal so we kinda had to come here.” he explains, holding onto your cheek and tilting your head to check on your head injury a bit better. He sees that your head is bleeding because of some huge cuts, but other than that your heads okay. It’s your side he’s concerned about, so he grabs your hand. You refuse to let go, and he assumes it’s because you’re in pain. “Listen, I know it hurts but I need to look at it, bare with me okay?” he asks, and it’s the nicest you’ve ever heard him be towards you, so you hesitantly let go of the wound. He examines it, and nods. “Okay, hold onto the wound, I need to take you to the milano so I can patch you up. You’ll be fine, but I need to make sure you don’t lose a shit ton of blood.” he carefully explains, slowly helping you up. You gain the gist of what he’s saying, but he can tell you’re only half listening. “Shit.” he mumbles, as you start to lose consciousness.

Eventually you wake up, you slowly open your eyes and notice you’re in some sort of… hospital bed? You slowly sit up but feel a sharp pain at your side and hiss. It’s only then do you notice rocket sitting in a chair next to you. He pushes you down onto your back. “Rest.” he says, rather curt with you. “You need it.” he says, then going silent. Usually rocket is never this short with you unless he’s mad at you. You try some small talk, knowing how much he hates that. That’ll surely get him talking again, you know it. “How are you?” “Tch. I should be asking you that.” he says, finally looking back at you. “Yknow I’m mad at you, right?” Rocket says, being rather blunt. You sigh, giving him a tired smile. “Yeah, I know. Cant it wait? I’m kinda tired as shit right now.” “You wouldn’t be if you would just talk to me. You haven’t spoken to me in week y/n. Weeks. What the hell has been going on with you? First you leave me out of the fuckin blue and you lose contact with me and now I find you almost dead. I mean seriously, how do you expect me not to be angry with you?” Rocket says, pretty much lecturing you. It’s not what you wanted to hear from him, especially today. You scratch the back of your head, “I was scared shitless, okay?” Rocket continues, “I mean I thought I wasn’t gonna be able to save you just now. The least you can do is tell me what’s going on.”

You don’t bother trying to fight him on it, knowing that he’s right. You look away, “as I’ve said, I left because I don’t … belong with you guys. But as I’ve learned, I don’t belong here either. I learnt that the hard way, I guess.” you say, albeit rather cryptic. “The hell does that mean?” Rocket questions, already losing his patience with you. “The people of xandar do not like me apparently, somebody sent a bunch of people to kill me.” you shrug, before explaining a bit more, not waiting for Rocket to say something “I got into a fight with somebody at a bar, and I guess the guy was crazy enough to hire a hitman. The hitman in question also being crazy enough to burn down a whole town and said hitman had a bunch of … soldiers … I guess?” you once again shrug at the absurdity of it all.

“So let me get this straight. The time you’ve been in xandar you’ve been… what? Fighting some guys at bars for no reason? Getting yourself involved in things you shouldn’t?” you almost audibly sigh as you feel yourself get lectured by Rocket of all people. This just isn’t like him. “Without me?” there it is. “I can’t believe you y/n! Why are you being so distant from me!” you close your eyes, “because I needed time to deflect, think about my life, decide where it is I belong.” you state, and Rocket is left wondering, “where have you decided you belong?” aloud.

“I’m not exactly sure.” You admit, but continue. “I don’t always feel I belong with the guardians, but I do feel I belong with you. I’m not gonna leave you again, I think I’ve decided that I belong here, with you. Saving the galaxy is what I’m meant to do.”

And to hear those words, rocket smiles.

“Don’t think I’m gonna just forget you nearly died on me, seriously. You’re gonna have to work real hard to make it up to me.” Rocket says, and you sigh with a happy smile. “Yeah yeah, does a kiss work?” “Tch. I’m not so easily bribed.” he says, trailing off. “But…” he lifts a finger up, “it is a start.”

#rocket the raccoon x reader #rocket racoon x reader #rocket x reader #rocket raccoon x reader #mcu x y/n #mcu x you #mcu x reader #marvel x y/n #marvel x you #marvel x reader

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boygiwrites · 7 months

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Harley D. Dixon 23

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note.

Warning for strong themes of suicide in this chapter because of Beth, and well, everything else.

Herschel left the farm all by himself while we was out.

As the sun sets behind the porch railing, Lori explains to Rick and Glenn that Beth's in shock — the thing I was in this morning. She tries to mutter it under her beath, but I hear just fine that she tried to kill herself by slicing her wrists up. Different to how Momma did it, but I know just about every way there is, and that's one of 'em. If I were Beth, I would'a just jumped out the window. Prolly would'a worked, but maybe she didn't want it to. Lori and Patricia found her just in time to save her. She's laid up in bed now, apparently still staring at the wall.

Rick keeps glancing at me throughout the whole conversation. I don't know why he's doin' it, but I wish he'd cut it out.

Herschel told us today he'd learnt what grit was, but I guess he ain't learned enough to deal with his daughter wantin' to die, 'cause he hopped in his truck and took a trip to town to get away from it all. Maggie begs the two of 'em to go bring him back, and they agree.

"You got any guesses where he might'a gone?" Rick asks, putting his hat back on. Always savin' people. "Parks, stores, houses?"

"Hatlin's." She answers unhappily. "Bar on main street. He practically lived there in his drinking days. If he's gone anywhere, it's there."

I can't imagine Herschel in a bar. My Daddy and Uncle Merle used to rot away in bars when they was angry or sad, but that was them.

Rick must be thinking the same thing. "I didn't take Herschel for a drinker."

"He gave it up the day I was born." She half-smiles. "Didn't even allow liquor in the house... But not anymore, I guess."

"I've seen the place." Glenn assures her, holding her shoulder and turning to Rick. "I can drive us there."

"Okay." Before they turn to leave, he murmurs to Lori, "Does Daryl know 'bout Beth yet?"

She shakes her head and glances at me, too.

He warns her, "Well, you're gonna want to. Harley's been havin' a tough go of it and I ain't sure how this is... gonna affect her."

She gives a look of understanding. "I'll go talk to him now."

When he comes down the steps, he crouches in front of me. He's got his Dad-face on, the one that's all nice and reassuring.

"Hey, you did good today." He tells me. "How 'boutchu go find Carl and read some comic books together or something for a while?"

"Alright." I lilt, watching him gently clap me on my shoulder before following Glenn down the path toward the cars.

But as soon as they're gone, I don't go find Carl. I take myself around the side of the house and slouch between two old barrels in the grass, hiding from everyone. I've gotten real good at swallowing down the need to cry, so that's what I do. At some point, the darn ringing returns.

I wish some little animal would cross paths with me, so I could take my knife out and stab it dead. That'd make me feel better.

Merle would smack me if he saw me like this. Don't cry, Harley. Don't cry. Been a long, long day, but you don't gotta cry.

The sun soon disappears under the earth.

"Sh, sh, sh. Baby, it's okay." The night is quiet, but our little tent is filled with my pent-up sobs. "It's okay."

I wish I could go to sleep like everyone else, but I can't. The day's finally caught up with me. Rick and Glenn still haven't returned, but the farm's been a mess without 'em all the same. Dad's been watching me like a hawk since Lori spoke with him, and dinner was spent in silence, and I been trying not to cry for hours. He keeps crooning the same thing to me over and over. It's okay. I hear that stupid lie every time things aren't okay. It don't get any more okay-er no matter how hard I bawl or scream into his shoulder, or wish with all my heart and all my body, right down to my toes, that I weren't such a little wuss. I wish Sophia was alive. I wish Shane made it to Fort Benning.

Seems I'm always hurting. If anyone asked me what I did best, I'd say this. Sometimes feels like all I was made for.

I did good faking my way through the day, but as soon as I laid my head down to go to sleep and realized that I couldn't no more 'cause of my ear, I finally broke. Can't shoot, can't hear, can't sleep. Everything, even the way I curl up at night, been stripped from me.

"It's not okay," I moan, hating that when I close my eyes, I can still see the things I don't wanna. "S'all wrong. It hurts."

"I know it does, chicken. But I'm 'ere. I'm always here." He murmurs into my hair, holding me even tighter to his chest. "Just get it all out."

I wanna tell him I can't, it don't work that way. If you could cry yer sadness out, I would'a lost all mine by now. But he already knows. Just like me, he's made up of sadness. Most people say we're alike 'cause our matching scowls, our little moles. But more than anythin', it's that.

I don't think I've ever been this type of angry before. There's just nowhere to put it. There's no-one to blame. It's just inside me. And I think it'll be there forever, like my bones are. There's no use being sour at Rick or Dad for killin' Shane. You can't get mad at people when there's no right or wrong to it, when they was just doin' what needed to be done. Shane was crazy, we've always said it. He done so many things he shouldn't have. No, I ain't mad at them for that. Or at Glenn, or T, or Andrea for helping 'em. Not at the bullet that shot my ear off, not at the Greenes' God for takin' all my friends away. I'm just angry at being alive.

"He said it was gonna be d-different this time." He said a whole bunch'a things, but that one I remember. "Daddy, I want it t'be different."

"It will be, baby. It will. I'mma keep you safe with everythin' I got, okay?" At least that one's not a lie. "You know that."

"But I'on care about me." I pull back, my fingers twisted in his tank top. "It's everyone else that's dead. It's Shane and Sophia a-and Momma and Merle and Morales and prolly Meemaw and Kyle and my cousins. I'm sick of it! Ain't no point in movin' on if people gonna keep dyin'!"

"Don't talk like that, Harley Dixon." He gently scolds, brows twitching into a frown. "Don'tchu ever. There is a point."

Well, I don't get it no more. "I ca-an't even sleep properly, Dad."

"Well, let's just try again. You can lay on yer other side." He offers. "Dad'll read you another story, huh? Or you want me to sing again?"

"No." I croak miserably. I don't want a story. I don't even want a song. "Even if I go to sleep, t-that's ruined, too. I get nightmares. And when I wake up, it's the same thing all over again. Eatin' scraps and cryin' and takin' ringing meds just for somethin' else bad to happen."

"That's the way life is, Harley." He tells me, a little stricter this time. "I can't change it any more than you can. People die—"

"People mourn," I quote him with a roll of my wet eyes, "Life moves on. I heard."

"Stop it." He don't like that I mocked him, not one bit. Not when it comes to this. "It's true. We move on. We keep livin'."

"Well, maybe I don't wanna. Maybe I'm done."

Herschel says I got a thing called grit. Dad says I'm his brave girl. Carl thinks I'm some sorta badass, but really I'm just a nasty, broken little thing called Harley Dixon. I don't wanna keep living if living's full of death. Maybe it's better the other way. Beth thinks so. Momma sure did, too. I never got to ask her if it worked out like she wanted and got all her sadness taken away, but I like to think it did. I like to think there's no bad things where she is, only good and happy things. She ain't watched Shane die. She ain't stood at Sophia's grave. She ain't hurtin'.

"Little girl," Dad's voice is thin and shaky like a whisper, but also very, very, very angry. "I know you ain't just said that."

I stare right back at him through my tears without a word, 'cause I did say that. Not to hurt him, but because it's the truth.

He slowly starts shaking his head. "Nah, I ain't raised you this way. I ain't raised a girl that gives up."

My wobbly frown deepens. "So that's what Momma was, then? She was weak?"

"Yes. Weak an' stupid." He says unapologetically. "And I won't have you talkin' like her. Over my dead body, girl, I won't have it."

"And how's that?" I challenge him. "You gonna make Sophia come back? You gonna fix my ear? You gonna make Shane—?"

"Weren't me that did that, Harley. Weren't Rick, weren't nobody but himse—"

"—Come back? You gonna kiss it all better and sing a song?" I taunt, shouting in his face, "They're all dead!"

"I know they are." He argues, taking a moment to suck in a breath. "I'm sorry I ain't find Sophia. I'm sorry 'boutcher ear. I'm sorry you're hurtin' and I can't do nothin' about it, but this type'a talk ain't what's gonna help you, Harley. It's bein' strong. You gotta be stronger."

"But I ain't," I tell him, and the tears are back now, streaming down my face, 'cause I'm right. I ain't strong. "I'm just nothin'."

"You're my little girl, is whatchu are." He says sternly, voice cracking. "I love you more'un anythin'. How you think hearin' that makes me feel?"

Probably makes him see the little traces of Momma on my face. Makes him feel like he's failing the same woman twice.

But I'm just so tired, and I just don't care. "I'on care how it makes you feel, Daddy. I'on care 'bout nothin' anymore."

Being empty must be worse than being full of somethin' like anger, 'cause this is the thing that really gets to him. Under his pair of twisted brows, his sharp eyes start to well up, his mouth curls into a sneer. The crickets outside chirp happily either way, dutifully filling the silence that comes. For the first time, I think my Dad is wrong about something. There is no point in moving on. Bein' strong, that's a waste. Shane said we deserve for things to go differently, go better in some way that ain't so cruel, but it didn't. It won't.

"You're fuckin' scarin' me, Harley." He utters thinly. "You ain't never talked like this."

I know. I ain't never stayed down after a hit, but I been strong for so long, I think it's just ran out.

I don't answer him. Instead I confess quietly, "I think I wanna go sleep in somebody else's tent tonight, Dad."

I need out this stuffy tent. If I could sleep alone in a hole somewhere, I would. I'm done arguing. And he's done, too. He wordlessly slides me off his lap and helps me gather my bedding, trying his best not to tear up more than he already is, muttering to himself, swiping at his eyes. He leads me back to main camp, where all the lamps are shut off and the fire pits are smoking. The night air cools my hot, red cheeks.

He taps his knuckles onto a crate just outside the Grimes' tent, and before he even steps back, there's shuffling inside.

The zipper peels back, revealing Lori's sleepy, moon-lit face. She takes us in with a confused look. "Daryl? What are you doing over here?"

"Listen, I'm sorry for wakin' ya." He murmurs, putting on a level voice. "Came to ask you if... Harley can bunk with you guys tonight."

"Uh, sure." She agrees kindly, encouraging me to step inside by my shoulder, taking my sleeping bag from Dad. "Everything alright?"

"No." He answers gruffly. No point in lying. He don't give up anything else, and she don't pry. He places a kiss to my hair. "Night, chicken."

"Night, Dad." I force myself to say back, 'cause I'm grateful he ain't just kept me stuck in our tent, and that he really listened.

As he gives me one last glance and then leaves, Lori zips the tent up and lays my bedding down next to hers and Rick's. Carl snoozes away in the corner, an open comic book splayed out over his chest. I bet Lori knows what's the matter with me. Rick saw that thousand-yard stare I had after they killed Shane, knows how I been hating myself. He no doubt told her everything. But she's too nice to say anything.

"Here, sweetie." She takes my lumpy pillow and sets it down. I wiggle into the sleeping bag. "Comfy?"

I give a nod, even though laying on my back feels real strange and I don't got Matilda anymore.

She smiles blearily and crawls back under the covers. "Wake me up if you need anything."

And that's that. I stare up at the sky through the Grimes' tent, counting the stars through the black mesh until I fall asleep.

Sometime during the night, I bolt awake, sweating, crying, confused. Shane, I couldn't save him. I watched him die. Again. A gunshot, blood, shouting, dying, searing pain and a dog tag dangling from a broken mirror. Darkness, and then two little hands on my shoulders, shaking me. A boyish, worried voice telling me, hey, it's just a nightmare. I cling to them. Carl. He's here. I don't think before I let him hug me. I sniffle into his neck as he pets the soft spot between my shoulder blades like his Momma and Daddy do when he's upset.

"It was him again," I shudder. "Shane. I miss him. I miss all of 'em."

Life moves on, Daddy said. But how's it that mine ain't? When's that moving part happen?

"Me, too." His arms tighten around me as much as a boy's can. "You're allowed."

After that, I remember the sound of blankets shuffling, a flashlight clicking on, a comic book being quietly read to me. I remember my eyes closing, heart slowing, and I remember thinking he's gonna be the best big brother one day. In a way, he already is.

The next morning, my eyes flutter open to the sight of a quiet, empty tent. By some miracle, I must've slept in a little. I hear the fire crackling away outside, the clinking of spoons on bowls, muffled conversation. After taking a minute to yawn and stretch, I crawl out the tent.

"Ah, there she is." As I round the camping chairs, Dale sends me a warm smile. I take the seat next to him. "Just in time for breakfast."

I glance up at the second storey of the farmhouse, imagining Beth behind one of those pretty windows. I wonder how she feels about waking up this morning. I know I'm exhausted, and all I've done is open my eyes. Another day of eating scraps, crying, and taking pills. Ironically enough, Lori interrupts my spacing out by holding out two little white capsules and a water bottle to me. She's speaking, but I'm not hearing her. I throw both pills back and wash 'em down so I don't gotta look at 'em any longer. I hate that my body can't work on its own anymore.

"Harley." Lori's voice comes quick and sharp this time, startling me. "Are you listening?"

I glare up at her. She's standing so close to me that I don't know how I couldn't hear what she said the first time. "Huh?"

She looks at me like I've done something strange. "I said, 'You can't take those on an empty stomach'. Are you hungry?"

"Oh. Yeah." Now everyone's lookin' at me like that. I reach under my hair and nervously tug on my ear as she turns and fills a bowl with the creamy soup cooking over the fire. I've never not been able to catch what someone's saying like that. She hands the food to me. "Thanks."

As conversation picks up again, I struggle to pin certain words being said, especially when they're from Andrea, who's sitting the furthest from me, and Lori, on my left. S'like half the world's gone silent, and the other half's just a high-pitch squeal. God, it's makin' me mad. I claw at my ear again, as if there's somethin' stuck in there, like a wad of earwax or a cork, but there ain't nothin' in there but the ringing.

A scary thought crosses my mind. If you can't hear for no good reason, that means you're deaf. I can't be deaf.

When Andrea looks directly at me and says something that I think's meant to be a joke, I snap back, "I can't fuckin' hear you, Andrea."

Her smile drops pretty fast, but I don't feel bad. I feel frightened. To my surprise, I don't get told by anyone to mind my language.

Lori just looks at me all pitiful-like and hesitates to guess, "Is it the ringing?"

I'm tired of hearing about the ringing almost as much as I'm tired of hearing the ringing itself. "It ain't the damn— I just can't hear proper."

She glances side-long at Dale. "Herschel did say..."

He sighs, looking a little stressed, before scooting his chair closer to mine and clicking his fingers on my right ear. "What about that?"

It sounds like a far-away thud, thud, thud, where it should actually sound like a snap, snap, snap.

"S'dull." I mutter unconfidently.

He moves to my left ear. This time, there isn't even any thud, thud, thud at all. It's just silence.

When I say nothing, he leans back. "I'm no doctor, but... It seems very obvious to me."

I'm not a doctor neither, and neither is Lori or T or Andrea or Carl, but it's all rather obvious to us, too. I can tell, 'cause they're all lookin' pretty uncomfortable, like this discovery has already ruined the rest of my life as I'm just sitting here. I'm losing hearing in my left ear. That's what it is. As soon as Dad mentioned my hearing to Herschel, and when it got worse at shooting practice, I was scared this would happen.

Ain't nobody shocked. I was never gonna walk away from a gunshot to the side of the head with all my hearing intact.

I guess whenever somebody talks, I'll just have to try reading their lips.

"I had a teacher who was deaf." Carl offers this up like it means anything. "She was really nice and smart. Everyone liked her."

I almost feel like scoffing at him, Wow, thanks so much, Carl. You've cured me.

"It's really nothing." Lori's quick to reassure me, covering for his shitty attempt. "Hundreds of people live like this and they still thrive."

"Hell, I think I'm going deaf sometimes, too." Dale jokes. "And I'd say I'm doing alright, wouldn't you?"

"Sure, Dale." I try to chuckle, staring down at my cold soup.

Nobody mentions the fact that having sharp senses is what keeps you alive nowadays. If a walker sneaks up on me, I won't hear it.

It's then that Dad walks into camp, looking nearly as tired as I feel. He mutters a good morning to everyone, and Lori reluctantly stands to go collect my bedding for him. I waste no time hopping out my seat and going over to hug him, locking my arms around his neck as he kneels to hold me close. I said a whole lotta things last night, and so did he, but I don't think either of us is angry at the other over it. We can read each other well enough to know. He kisses my cheek before pulling back and taking my things from Lori.

Clearing his throat like he does when he might cry, he asks me, "You sleep well, chicken?"

Instead of answering, I just hug his waist and Lori changes the subject. "Daryl, just a heads up. That thing Herschel spoke about..."

"Damn it." He sighs when what she's implying clicks. He reaches down to soothingly pet my hair. "And they still ain't back, are they?"

"No. But we both know Harley and Beth are... in some type of way. We need him."

"And y'all want me to go and fetch him, huh?" He guesses, taking a long moment to consider. Then, "Y'all be grateful you been good to me."

"Thank you, Daryl." She exclaims. "Thank you. We've always been able rely on you."

He scoffs. "Maybe not always."

"Well, enough." She smiles. "They said they were headed to a bar in town called Hatlin's. I think you'll wanna head there first."

"There even gonna be anythin' he can do?" He mumbles so I can barely make it out. "I mean, the guy ain't David Copperfield."

"Well, in the old world, I might've suggested trying out a hearing aid, but now... I'm not so sure."

He grunts. "Them things need batteries, don't they?"

"I think so, but not any standard ones we'd have. You're thinking of finding one, aren't you?"

"I'd turn the whole fuckin' country upside down to get her one, if it's what she needs." He says. "Maybe some old dead guy's wonderin' around with his. Maybe I find one in a doctor's office. Either way, ain't no bill attached to 'em these days and if there's one out there, I'll find it."

She admires the determination in his eyes, lips twitching into a smile. "Rick will help you. I know he will."

"Best I go find officer goody-two-shoes and company, then." He agrees. "Look after my girl for me."

She nods. "That goes without saying."

"I love you, baby." He tells me, which is how I know I done messed up. Takes a lot for him to randomly tell me he loves me, and I guess all that talk last night about giving up was enough. He even places another kiss to my cheek, pinching it after. "I'll see you later."

"I'm sorry, Dad." I mutter.

"I know." He understands I can't help what's happening to me, or how I feel. "I'm gonna get whatchu you need. It's gonna be alright."

I'm not quite sure what I need, but at least the adults seem to know. At least some part of me can be saved.

After he leaves to put my bedding back in our camp, I climb back into my seat and watch the blue truck bumble down the drive and eventually, through the trees. Dale encourages me to finish off my soup in that annoying way my Dad always does, but I only eat a spoonful or two before my stomach shrivels distastefully and he tells me I've tried enough for this morning, so I take to curling up and staring at the fire.

I know if Shane was alive to see what he did to me, he'd be that word Lori likes to say, appalled. He never wanted to hurt me.

A hearing aid. It's one of them things I've never had to think about until now. If I had to go back a couple months and tell seven-year-old Harley, with her long, straight hair and chubby cheeks and bright, green eyes, that I look like a boy, got half an ear, and need a hearing aid, I think she'd hit me upside the head for being a liar. But I know now that you gotta be ready for anythin', like dead people in barns and a last-minute gunshot, and now, I guess, the need for a hearing aid. I have to try squash that feeling of shame. It ain't good for me, but it's always there.

I almost make myself chuckle imagining Carl tryna make being half-deaf badass. He's so relentlessly supportive. They all are.

It's too bad, then, that I still feel this way. This numb and hollowed out, alive but-also-dead way.

The way Carol must feel, and maybe the way Dad felt after Momma died.

"Thank you." Maggie tells Lori and Jacqui in the kitchen, as I stand in front of the fireplace in the next room over. "This is nice of y'all."

I see what Glenn was talkin' about now, about Maggie's great grandfather lookin' like a bald Georgie Washington. He's sitting all proper and important-like inside a photo frame on the mantle, like all people from forever ago do. But there's also newer photos, ones with color, like Maggie and Beth as little girls, posing with horse riding trophies and smiling together at old Thanksgivings and Christmases. I feel happy just looking at them. Baby photos, kind-looking people, school photos. We never knew the Greenes before, but I feel like now I might.

"We just thought you could use some help." Lori replies. "It's been a difficult time for all of us, especially Harley and Beth."

"I appreciate it. Sharin' your supplies, that means a lot these days. You wouldn't mind helpin' me toss it all together will you?"

"Not at all." Jacqui pokes her head around the arch and calls out, "Harley, you wanna come help Maggie finish cooking?"

With a little flinch, I turn to face the three women, remembering why we came here in the first place. We had some tinned vegetables and whatever else left over from breakfast, and Lori thought we'd offer them to Maggie, who's in the middle of cooking a meal for Beth.

"I guess." I hum as I head into the kitchen. It ain't like I got anything better to do. "What're you makin'?"

"Potato soup." Maggie pulls a few bowls from the worn cabinets with a smile. "Well, veggie soup, now."

"Hopefully Beth will feel a little better after a warm breakfast." Lori muses. "It always helped me."

All their words are muffled, as if I'm underwater and they aren't, but I can still just about make out what they're saying.

When Maggie places the bowls on the counter and sees me peering over the ledge, she chuckles. "Let me grab you a stool, huh?"

She grabs a mini wooden step-ladder leaning against the pantry, pulls it open, and sets it down for me. I step onto the lowest rung. She fills a bowl with water from the faucet and slides it in front of me, instructing me to how to rinse off the fat, muddy potatoes and lay them on the dry rag afterwards. It's an easy, mindless task. I get to work while they start slicing up the vegetables and opening the tins.

As Maggie scrapes carrot into the pot, she jokes, "I been makin' so much soup recently I think I forgot how to make anything else."

"Good thing we've taken a liking, then." Jacqui smiles. "I've never tasted a tater soup good as y'all Greenes'. You know your stuff."

Feels like I'm back at the quarry again, helping prepare our next meal from whatever scraps we had, listening to the women gossip.

"Pssh. I'm tellin' you, as kids, Beth and I loathed the day Wednesday came around and Momma'd make her famous potato soup." She scoffs, grinning at old memories. "She always put too much salt in, said it was good for us. But all it was good for was makin' us barf."

Lori makes a sassy face. "I'm taking it the recipe's been tweaked a little since then."

Maggie smirks. "Wouldn't be eatin' it if it hadn't."

"Must've been nice, growing up with food on the table that's straight from your garden."

"Yeah, it was. Fresh peaches and apples to take to school, home-made bread and the like. We've always lived this way."

"Pretty perfect, if you ask me." Jacqui agrees. "Me and my fiancé were always eatin' take away all the time. God, I miss it sometimes."

"A nice greasy burger sounds so good right now." Lori moans, like she can almost taste it. "Oh, and some curly fries on the side."

They all laugh. It's a little funny. I remember her back in the beginning, braggin' about how her family never ate fast food. Now look at her.

As the conversation drifts to more boring things, I find myself thinking about Beth again. We sure grew up different, but we got broken the same way, at the same time. We clearly been thinking about the same things. She was just brave enough to actually pick up a knife and do something about it. I wonder if she knows now her Momma and step-brother been dead a long time, that they weren't sick at all, and were just bodies needed mourning. The Greenes were a little late to that, but it's like Meemaw used to say, better late than never.

I wonder if Beth regrets what she did. She could be dead right now, in a mound of dirt right next to her Momma.

When I was littler, I used to think Dad could read my mind when I was thinkin' unsavoury things like this, and that he'd give me in trouble right away. I thought that's how it worked with adults and kids, but it ain't. I can think whatever I want and it's safe inside my head.

The potatoes get peeled and diced and thrown into the soup like everything else, and then my new job is to help wash dishes.

When we're down to the last few, Maggie says I should take the bowl of soup up to Beth, 'cause they've got this handled.

"Sure." I agree before hopping down, wondering why my heart's beating so fast all of a sudden.

The door to Beth's bedroom creaks open.

I don't bother waiting for her to give me permission to come in. I just creep in all on my own, because from what I've heard, she hasn't talked all day. Her room is exactly like I would'a guessed. Like something out a trendy teenager's magazine, with a nice white desk covered in perfume bottles and hair clips and crumpled paper and books, blonde pop star posters stuck to the walls, a fluffy, cutesy rug, a teddy bear thrown on the lounge chair sitting by the window. Even the Mp3 player Maggie was telling me about, laying forgotten on the floor.

I carefully set the hot bowl on her nightstand, but something keeps me curious, and I don't turn to leave just yet.

Beth's staring at the wall like they said. Not out the window or anything. Just at the wall. I can't imagine her humming sweetly and letting me borrow one of her shirts, giggling at something I said from the other side of the bathroom door. She looks like a totally different girl.

"I went into shock too, yesterday." I randomly muse. "Or at least that's what Rick said. He's the one with the cowboy hat."

I think I might still be in shock. I'm talking and walking around, but inside, I feel like whatever statue Beth's turned into.

"I ain't sure if anyone's told you about it, but you prolly heard the screamin'. The man my Daddy stabbed, Shane, he took me away. We got pretty far. Sometimes I think about what would'a happened if we got even further, but... he was meant to die. Some people just are."

At that, she breaks her gaze away from that spot on the wall and looks me right in the eye. "Do you think I'm one of those people?"

"I... I ain't smart enough to know." I say honestly, before an awkward pause takes over. "'Cause I was only in grade two, y'know."

Carl seemed to find that funny when I first told him, but Beth just looks uninterested.

"And you?" She hides her bandaged wrists under the covers when she catches me looking. "What're you meant for? Dyin', or somethin' else?"

"I think, um... All I'm meant for is suckin' up hurt." I confess. "Like, there's all this bad in the world, and when there's nobody left for it to go to, it goes to me. Maybe I'm just unlucky. Maybe I done somethin' wrong. That's how life is, my Daddy says. So if that's the 'something else', I think I'd rather just be the type meant for dyin'. That's what my Momma did. She was in pain, and then one day... She wasn't."

"She killed herself," Beth says as fact.

"Yeah." I mutter, feeling the weight of the locket crush down on my chest as I take a seat on the edge of the bed. "She did."

"Was she the sort meant for dyin'?"

"No. She weren't." That much, I'm sure of. "She was just meant to be my Momma."

Beth's pretty eyes gloss over as she says very dully, "Our Mom's dead, too. Right before I thought I was about to die, I imagined what she'd think of me when we'd meet in heaven. She'd be ashamed, I know. Somehow, that was so much worse than the thought of going to Hell."

"Well, maybe your God made sure you didn't die." I guess, hoping it's comforting. "Maybe he wants you to live for everybody else."

A tear beads up on her waterline before sliding down her pale cheek. "I just don't know what to do. I think I'm ashamed, too."

"My Dad says you just gotta be stronger, but I don't know how." I wish I did. "I'm sorry. I'd tell you if I did."

"It's okay." With a sniff, she sends me a tiny smile. "You know, you're kind. I can just tell."

That makes me smile back. Something about my rugged hair, my mean face, my missing ear must still be soft like it was before.

Author's Note.

Sorry for the longer than usual wait between chapters! I've been dealing with intense writer's block recently so it just took me a while to get this out, but I'm pushing through!

I hope you're ready for a familiar face to return next chapter! ;)

PS. I wanted to thank you all for the touching dms and messages I've received recently, both on here and on ao3. It's still so mind blowing to me that there are so many people out there who hold a special place in their heart for this story just like I do. I'm so grateful for you all :) 💙

#the walking dead #fanfic #daryl dixon #twd #twd fanfiction #rick grimes #angst #daryl dixon daughter #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon twd #daddy issues #daryl dixon x reader #ao3 fanfic

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veryhardymemes · 9 months

Text

Noah Kahan Sentence Starters Stick Season (We’ll Be Here Forever)

Content Warning For: Suicidal ideations/imagery, mentions of alcohol/drugs, depression/melancholia, mentions of COVID

Northern Attitude:

How you been? Settled down?

How’re your kids?

Where are you?

What does it mean?

Forgive my northern attitude

Stick Season:

I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face

Memories are something even smoking weed does not replace

Doc told me to travel but there's COVID on the planes

I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks

I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

I just like to play the victim

I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad that I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad

I’m no longer funny

My other half was you

I hope this pain’s just passing through

I doubt it

All My Love:

How have things been?

Well, now that you mention it

I'm saying too much but you know how it gets out here

No winter coat could keep out all the cold of your atmosphere

You got all my love

If you need me dear, I'm the same as I was

You burrowed in under my skin

What I'd give to have you out from me

I just hope that your scars heal

I swear I was scared to death

She Calls Me Back:

Oh, there was heaven in your eyes

Everything’s alright when she calls me back

Look at me and don't you lie

For bullshit I do not have time

Does it bite at your edges?

Do you lie awake restless?

Why am I so obsessive?

This town's the same as you left it

The radio is taunting me

I don't get much sleep most nights

I'm seeing you in every dream

If only I could wake you up

If only I could fall asleep

I'll love you when the oceans dry

I'll love you when the rivers freeze

I was too afraid of living life in your footsteps

Come Over:

I’m in the business of losing your interest

Don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden?

You won't have to guess who they're speaking about

I'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs

I was taking the wrong meds

It feels good to be sad

I know that it ain’t much

I know that it ain’t cool

You don’t have to tell the other kids at school

Someday I’m gonna be somebody people want

New Perspective:

Silence is making me nostalgic

We were kids but that don't make this less hard

If I could fly I doubt I'd even do it

You made Ohio feel just like Central Park

You and all of your new perspective now

Everywhere, Everything:

It's been a long year

Would we survive in a horror movie?

We trust everyone we meet

I wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat

Keep my hand in yours

Orange Juice:

Honey, come over

We know you got sober

There's orange juice in the kitchen

It’s yours if you want it

We're just glad you could visit

The last time I drank I was face down passed out there on your lawn

Are we all just crows to you now?

Are we all just pulling you down?

You didn't put those bones in the ground

Strawberry Wine:

Darling speak to me

Remember telling me that you thought you were cursed?

I'm in love with every song you've ever heard

If I could lose you I would

We buried your bones in plywood

I said love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder

For you, darling, for you

No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft and sentimental like a stranger in the park

For a few moments, I see you

Growing Sideways:

So I took my medication

We argued about Jesus

I said I’m cured

I’m still angry at my parents

But it’s a start

I ignore things

At the end of the day I know there are worse ways to stay alive

I'm terrified that I might never have met me

I guess I’ll drive

So I forgot my medication

Now I’m suffering in style

Why is pain so damn impatient?

It's better to die numb than feel at all

Halloween:

I'm sailing away to a place I'm afraid of

I'm drinking my days with the coastal longshoreman

I drink 'till I drown and I smoke 'till I'm burning

I worry for you

You worry for me

I'm leaving this town and I'm changing my address

I know that you'll come if you want

There's a murder of crows in the low light off Boston

Homesick:

Two months since you got back

Are you bored yet?

The weather ain’t been bad

If you’re into masochistic bullshit

This place is such great motivation for anyone tryna move

Time moves so damn slow

I swear I feel my organs failing

I would leave if only I could find a reason

I'm mean because I grew up in New England

I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them

I’m homesick

Still:

I don’t want to say goodbye

You find love that lasts a while 'till you lose the reasons

You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it

It's like I'm still here with you

It's a bottomless hole I've found out here with a trace of no one

The View Between Villages:

For a minute the world seems so simple

I’m seventeen again

I am not scared of death

I’ve got dreams again

Your Needs, My Needs:

Oh well, who was I?

Who was I to watch you wilt?

You ain't gotta tell me what it means

You'll always be a flower on my skin

I promise to be there this time

I'm naming the stars in the sky after you

Dial Drunk:

I'm remembering I promised to forget you now

I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown in the name of someone I no longer know

I don't like that when they threw me in the car

I gave your name as my emergency phone call

Even the cops thought you were wrong for hanging up

I’d die for you

The dial tone is all I have

I beg you, sir, just let me call

Let's wait I swear she'll call me back

Son, are you a danger to yourself?

Son, why do you do this to yourself?

Paul Revere:

This place had a heartbeat in its day

The boys are drunk

But it just ain't that simple, it never was

One day I'm gonna cut it clear

I’m not from around here

I'll leave before the road crew's out

Folks just disappear

If I could leave, I would've already left

No Complaints:

Thought I had something

That's the same as having something

I'd get mad at nothing

Blame my dad for something

I'd pull no punches

Thought I was raised better

Hope the skin heals where the pain enters

I set a time, then I showed up

Now the weight of the world ain't so bad

I filled the hole in my head with prescription medication

Who am I to complain?

And now the pain's different

I can finally eat and I can fall asleep

Call Your Mom:

Oh, you’re spiraling again

Don't let this darkness fool you

All lights turned off can be turned on

I’ll drive all night

I’ll call your mom

If you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it

Oh dear, don't be discouraged

I've been exactly where you are

Throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason

Don't wanna drive another mile wondering if you're breathing

Won’t you stay with me?

You’re Gonna Go Far:

This is normal conversation, babe, it's all fine

The college kids are getting so young, ain't they?

I got tired of the frat boys with the brights on

"This is good land" or at least it was

Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are

We're overdue for a revival

We spent so long just getting by

You told me you would make a difference

#memes #rp meme #roleplay meme #inbox meme #inbox memes #sentence starter #roleplay starters #roleplay sentence meme #rp sentence meme #sentence starter meme #lyric sentence starters #lyric sentence starter #noah kahan sentence starters #noah kahan rp memes

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nirvanai · 2 years

Text

ok i Will actually get onto the topic of how i think the narrative structure of aini works to show Ryuki’s mental health. but quick foreword i guess lmao this will probably be a bit disorganized because adhd brain go brrr. also i’ll be fair and bring up a way the narrative I think maybe could’ve changed a touch to strengthen this effect in the second half of the game, though hey if we get dlc maybe it wont be an issue-

so, the tl;dr of what I meant with my last post on the topic is essentially this: by playing the game both as Ryuki and Mizuki, we’re seeing both how Ryuki perceives the world around him, and how people perceive him as interacting with the world. and I think that what they do with this is good, both as a means of building tension, but also in terms of showing (especially on a second viewing) how his disability impacts his view of the world.

(also big spoiler warning for endgame characters and plot points.)

so despite this being a Ryuki post i’m actually gonna start with looking at things from Mizuki (Bibi)’s perspective, in specific the scene at the rooftop amusement park after the shooting incident. From Bibi’s side, we get to talk to boss- and while it’s very clear that she’s (rightfully!) angry at him over this, it’s also very clear that boss is concerned for him. When you wink psync with her, it’s pretty obvious that she does want to protect Ryuki as best she can. And while her somnium representation of events isn’t 1:1 with reality, i think it does a better job of showing how she feels.

Bibi seems pretty worried about Ryuki too- despite the obvious conflict that’s going to come up soon between the two of them, there’s no real indication that before that she ever hated him. She’s concerned whenever he’s dissociating around him, maybe a bit unsettled but doesn’t like him pushing himself too hard.

In comparison, we look at Ryuki’s scene where boss is chewing him out, and see none of that. Boss reads only as angry, and on a first viewing of the game, it feels fairly undeserved. (Yeah, he let the figure from the cathedral get away, but its because they dropped the bridge on him! Is that really his fault?) The consequences and potential demotion feel wildly unbalanced compared to what we as players just saw, and boss reads as almost overreacting angry.

Now, obviously with the context of the full game, you know that she’s angry for pretty understandable reasons. But all of that concern you’ll see on Mizuki’s side doesn’t seem to come through, and even her wink psync somnium in that scene reads as mostly just exhausted and frustrated.

So for how this ties into Ryuki’s mental health and storytelling- in my opinion Ryuki shows very strong signs of RSD, or ‘rejection sensitive dysphoria’. It’s a common symptom in people with ADHD (and it can also be a symptom of other disorders too! I’m just most familiar with ADHD personally), and sparing a big explanation, people with RSD are generally hyper-sensitive to most forms of criticism and rejection. It’s important to note that this doesn’t necessarily even mean actual critique and rejection- even perceived “negative reactions” from people around you can set of RSD episodes when those people are actually perfectly happy with you. As a result people with adhd often tend to either procrastinate a lot or become intense people pleasers (or both), in order to delay potential judgement from peers out of fear of the feelings that comes with.

It’s also important to note that RSD responses usually aren’t just sadness or frustration with yourself- it’s a genuinely catastrophic and often times extremely distressing emotional response that can be very difficult to predict or control. You can see it in Ryuki in that scene- boss says he’s being demoted, and immediately he gets extremely upset and goes as far as to say he’d rather be a bum on the street than a disgraced cop. Tama has to calm him by reminding him its not the end of the world- which is very much how RSD episodes can often feel when you’re dealing with it.

So what I’m getting at here is this pair of scenes actually does an excellent job at demonstrating how Ryuki’s mental health impacts how he perceives the people around him. While with Bibi we see boss being concerned and pulling her weight trying to protect him, with Ryuki it can feel like she’s almost irrationally mad and practically ruining his life. By hiding the actual context of why he’s being reprimanded, it does an excellent job and portraying those feelings of catastrophizing and hurt that come along with episodes like that.

When it comes to Ryuki’s dissociative episodes and memory issues, the game starts off right from the very beginning making sure that the player is fully aware that Ryuki isn’t entirely okay. There’s trivia bits about it, characters will comment on him acting strange and suggest he get checked out at the hospital, and his file from the future section makes it very explicit that he already had problems, but they got worse due to the case. We go into things knowing that Ryuki is Not Okay, which I think is very important to how we experience him as a character.

While playing as Ryuki, we see how he experiences dissociative episodes in first person multiple times. We also get to see Tama’s repeated concern for him because of it, though- she can’t see exactly what he sees and she can’t just read his mind, so he’s alone (with the player) in this. People are often asking him if he’s okay, if he needs help, suggesting he should go see a doctor, but he brushes it off every time. To him, that’s a fair response on the subject. His expression after these moments is usually tired for a bit and then a smile to reassure Tama that he’s fine.

In comparison, when we see him as Mizuki and as Bibi, it becomes even more clear that he’s really... not. In the second half of the game we get to see Ryuki not how he sees himself, but how people are seeing him, and his issues start to feel a lot more obvious. He’s been denying help for a long time now, and he doesn’t want to stop the investigation for treatment- he literally walks out of the hospital after being told he has a serious memory disorder.

And the comparison between how he views himself and how the Mizukis view him is an intentional one- when they point out him acting strange due to TC-PERGE, he says “is that how I looked?” in response. It’s largely used to build tension and sow some distrust in Ryuki in the second half of the game, to wonder just what the hell is going on with him, but that’s also part of why that scene in the cathedral was very cathartic to me.

He’s been struggling due to his problems, the narrative has made sure to contrast what it felt like to be him vs how people are seeing him, but his problems do not mean he’s not worthy of compassion from the people around him. Date challenges him directly, reminding him (and the player) of something Ryuki himself said on his route- that no matter how many times he’s hit down, he just needs to keep rising back up. Telling him to climb above the debris is so important- other people can and will help, and they will cheer him on and support him, but he has to remember why he wanted this too. he has to fight for himself as well, and he does. For a character like Ryuki, who we know is very motivated by his past and the people he’s lost, being reminded that he can still have a future by someone he betrayed directly is very important.

(just adding this cap bc this dialogue makes me want to cry)

So honestly, the one thing I really wish we’d gotten out of the narrative after this moment is a scene where you play as Ryuki again. I understand why that didn’t happen from a development POV- it’d likely have made things additionally complicated, and the story very much was moving to be about Mizuki and Bibi’s situation. Which does make sense to me (even though i love Ryuki), Mizuki is the returning character, she’s the one I’d imagine the dev team would expect people to be a lot more attached to.

If anything, I truly wish we’d gotten to see Ryuki and Amame talking after her somnium, because I think those two can function as incredible foils to each other. They’ve been through similar things, and I think Ryuki could absolutely understand her pain. Ryuki says himself that he would kill the criminal who murdered his brother, if given the opportunity- and Amame is someone who was given that opportunity, and she took it. (I may make a separate post abt this sometime too, bc oh boy do i have thoughts about how the narrative could’ve explored these two more. Amame’s somnium on Ryuki’s side is absolutely loaded with painful questions for him. Uchikoshi i am begging you for a dlc-)

But back on topic, I think that having one more scene where you play as Ryuki on the true end route really could’ve further strengthened this effect. Finally getting to see things from his perspective at a point in time where he’s struggled and suffered but explicitly has the support of his friends and coworkers- I think that would’ve been a very good opportunity, and I truly do hope that may be something that could be explored further later. It would’ve put a nice bow on things to get to see his feelings on things from his perspective, knowing that it doesn’t have to be just him and Tama anymore.

Anyways if you read all of this: thank you for reading, don’t feel like you need to take any of this too seriously lol, but I’d be curious to know what other people think on the subject! I really really liked looking at how the game presents both sides of its story, and I think narratives presented out of order like AI:NI was often give potential for extremely fun storytelling.

The compassion the game ultimately has for Ryuki made me very happy, he suffers and struggles but he continues to fight to move forwards because he is so very human. It all ties back to that core theme of love- to have compassion for himself, and for him to accept the love of the people who want to see him succeed and get better. He has problems, they aren’t going to just go away, but he deserves the support and the friendship of people around him. He can climb above it when he finally accepts that he is not alone.

#kuruto ryuki #ryuki kuruto #aini #aini spoilers #nirvana initiative #nirvana initiative spoilers #aitsf #aitsf spoilers #this got. a lot longer than i intended #but i guess i did indeed have a lot to say on the subject lol #its something i care abt a lot!! its important to me #i hope it is at least easy to follow my thoughts slkdfjgsdfg #i just think they did something Really neat with the story structure #that you wouldn't be able to pull off if things had been set up differently #i Do still wish we saw more of him on mizuki's route yes #but like... look at my blog name of course i feel that way lmao #and i know there's a good chance there will Never be dlc and the menu was just a placeholder #but i will hold onto hope. i think this story deserves it #mizuki's stuff wrapped up v well imo #but i think there's a lot you Could still explore with ryuki #his relationships to certain characters and things you learn in endgame #the game itself is v satisfying to me but i love these characters so much?#it'd be like getting a nice dessert after a full course meal #but anyways thank u for reading again lol #adhd brain truly go brrrr #i love seeing disabled characters in fiction. makes me happy.

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unfilteredaj · 9 months

Text

Fusion: Rorschach and Comedian 2 OC (Watchmen)

——

The pounding on Rorschach’s door at 2:30 in the morning was unexpected, even if he was fully awake at this hour. He grumbled a profanity to himself as he shoved his evidence files back into their envelope, opening the door.

“This better be… Good.”

His voice trailed off when he saw The Second Comedian, bloodied and bruised on his doorstep. Their eyes flowed with fresh tears, joining the already established streaks down their face. Their eyes were huge and puffy. They were coming down from the high of a good fight.

“HAHAH! Rorschach. Hi.” They laughed, but it was a weepy sort of laughter. It was as if, no matter how much they tried, Comedian couldn’t even take their own crying seriously. “Can I come in?”

They shuffled awkwardly, a sad smile crossing their features when Rorschach stepped aside.

They went inside, and by the time Rorschach closed the door, the Comedian had dried their tears, and planted a grin back on their face.

“Rory, my main squeeze! How the hell are you?” They said, pulling Rorschach to sit next to them on the couch.

“It’s 2:30 in the morning. Are we just going to ignore the waterworks, or…” Rorschach began. He was shut off by a finger tapping lightly on his lips. Normally, anyone who touched him like this would end up missing… but he was too weirded out to be angry.

“Yes we are. We are.” The Comedian looked distant for a long, long moment. Their expression went blank, they sighed heavily, and the thousand yard stare suddenly came back into focus.

They were dissociating. It was something they had started doing more frequently recently. Rorschach could always tell when they did, because they stopped their constant talking and looked a thousand miles away.

“Hey. Look at me. Don’t do that, Kid. I know it feels nice to push everything down into the pit of your stomach and make it go away, but you have to feel this. Tell me what happened.” Rorschach’s voice was calm, and firm, and brought everything back into focus.

He made a point to look Comedian in the eyes until he knew they were paying attention.

“It’s so fucked up, Rory… there was this guy, calling me all kinds of nasty names. I ignored him… and he grabbed me by my hair and…, and I just… lost it on him. How can you do it? How can you take all of the insults and being looked down on? I hate them. I want to do what’s right but I hate them. I fucking hate them so much. God! I’m just like my FATHER!” The Comedian wailed. Their voice was shaky with rage.

It was true, Edward Blake had struggled with his own rage issues. But Rorschach didn’t blame The Second Comedian for their father’s misdeeds. In fact, Rorschach thought his friend had been right in fighting their assailant. Masks had it rough, especially lately.

Rorschach put a hand on his friend’s trembling back, not sure how exactly to comfort them other than letting them cry.

“Listen to me. You were justified in kicking that guy’s teeth in. And as for your father, he wasn’t HALF the hero you are. You gave The Comedian’s name some dignity when you took the mantle, the way your father was too weak to.” Rorschach said matter of factly.

Comedian sniffled again, looking at Rorschach for a long moment.

“You think so? ‘Cause I feel like an idiot… I have no clue what I’m doing.” They said softly, looking down at their boots.

“No one does.” Rorschach grumbled.

Comedian suddenly wrapped their arms loosely around Rorschach’s middle, hugging him closely. The weird thing was, He let them.

They wished Rorschach could know how much they respected and valued him as a mentor and best friend. They wished they could put into words how being close to him just seemed to put them at ease. Sometimes it even felt like they could just melt…

Anyone who would have seen the pair then would have seen that they were meshing together, and eventually melded into one being.

…

They opened their eyes, confusion filling them. Hadn’t Rorschach and Comedian been RIGHT THERE? Where was their best friend?

Part of them wondered where Rorschach had gone… and at the same time, they equally wondered where The Second Comedian had gone.

“But I’m right here…” They muttered to themself. Their voice startled them, sounding hoarse, yet strangely articulate.

This was really strange. They felt a little like Rorschach, and a little like Comedian, and a whole lot like someone entirely new.

They looked down at their hands. Instead of seeing Comedian’s short, sharp, inky black nails, or Rorschach’s rough hands, they saw a pair of slightly large, yet delicate looking hands with chipped black polish on a few of their nails. They were wearing a mismatch of both Rorschach and Comedian’s clothes. They had on two different boots.

They raced to the bathroom mirror, seeing a mess of wild curly red hair with Raven streaks. It was longer than Rorschach’s, yet shorter than Comedians. They peered into their own eyes, one green and one blue.

“I don’t understand… did we… did I… fuse together?” They asked themself. “Holy hell. The Comedian must have some kind of new power… Is…this ok? I’m sorry…No. No I’m not. We have to show Everyone! This is… incredible! God, LOOK at us!”

They admired themself in the mirror for a long moment before quickly heading out, and going straight to Daniel Dreiberg’s place.

‘It’s Three O’clock in the morning… I wonder if Dan and Laurie are even awake.’ They wondered, knocking harshly on the door.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Dan’s unusually angry voice came as he opened the door a minute later. “What’s… the matter?”

He was in his Pajamas, and didn’t have his glasses.

“Daniel. The Second Comedian, and Rorschach, were at Rorschach’s place… and… and Comedian was Upset… and then…. They kind of smushed together… and…now I’m here and…and…Dan this is freaky.” They blurted.

Daniel looked at them, confused, for a long moment. He put his finger up in a ‘hold on’ gesture, leaving for a long moment, and returned with his glasses on and with Laurie by his side. Laurie had obviously been asleep as well, and looked furious. But she thankfully said nothing.

‘She scares me.’ The fusion thought to Themself.

Daniel looked at them, taking in the mixed features of Comedian and Rorschach, and finally waved them inside.

….

“So… Comedian was feeling very strongly about Rorschach, and they hugged, and now you’re… both of them are… you?” Laurie asked for the millionth time.

The fusion just nodded.

“And.. do you want to be… one person?” Daniel asked slowly.

The fusion shrugged.

“I dunno. I kind of like being me… but I think I can split back if I tried. This is something we’ve never felt before. It’s so strange… I…feel like I’m not really here. Like I’m inside my own head looking out.”

They admired their hands, getting lost in their thoughts. Thoughts of horrible childhoods, and of avenging the wrongs of humanity.

“…So… what do you think?” Dan asked excitedly.

“…What? I wasn’t paying attention…” The Fusion said absently, snapping back to the present.

“We should head to the training room! To see what you can do!” Daniel said, grinning.

…

A little while later, They were all in the Watchmen’s recently renovated training room, sparring, in the middle of the night. But they were all wide awake now.

The fusion kicked Daniel hard in the chest, sending him flying. They launched upward, clinging onto a beam in the ceiling.

‘We can jump SO HIGH NOW!’ They thought giddily, hopping up to perch on the beam.

“Let’s go again!” They chortled loudly.

They watched Daniel pick himself up, but the look of pain in his eyes, and the flash of concern in Laurie’s eyes made them have tunnel vision. Their heart started racing.

‘Oh no… no no no… Daniel looks hurt… I went too far. I always go too far. I’m such a bad friend… I didn’t mean to…’ their thoughts consumed them, and they weren’t paying attention. Their footing slipped, sending them tumbling down around forty feet onto the ground below.

And as they hit the ground, they split.

Rorschach caught The Comedian and they rolled, and both eventually sprang to their feet.

“I’m so sorry!” The Comedian babbled anxiously, “We weren’t paying attention!”

“…Didn’t mean to hurt you.” Rorschach muttered, patting a recovering Daniel on the back.

“I’m fine.” Daniel assured them. “I just wasn’t expecting you guys to be so strong.”

The Comedian looked at Rorschach, and they suddenly felt even more self conscious.

“I… didn’t know I could do that. I…” Comedian began. “Rory I’m so sorry if…”

Rorschach stopped them, putting his hands on their shoulders.

“We were KICK ASS, Com! We might have something solid here…Can we do it again?” He said.

“If you guys make this a gimmick out in the field, you gotta learn how to stay calm. You’re getting overwhelmed.” Laurie chimed in. “We should work on it. We can make it a regular part of team training if you would want to keep going.”

Rorschach and The Second Comedian looked at each other. Comedian grinned, and Rorschach nodded determinedly.

“Lets do it.”

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heygutlcss · 1 year

Text

REPOST AND LIST 6 SONGS THAT INSPIRE YOU TO WRITE YOUR MUSE:

1.) When you were young - The Killers

You sit there in your heartache / Waiting on some beautiful boy to / To save you from your old ways / You play forgiveness / Watch it now, here he comes / He doesn't look a thing like Jesus / But he talks like a gentlemen / Like you imagined when you were young

2.) In the Ghetto - Elvis Presley

People, don't you understand / The child needs a helping hand / Or he'll grow to be an angry young man some day / Take a look at you and me / Are we too blind to see? / Do we simply turn our heads And look the other way / Well, the world turns / And a hungry little boy with a runny nose / Plays in the street as the cold wind blows In the ghetto / And his hunger burns / So he starts to roam the streets at night / And he learns how to steal / And he learns how to fight / In the ghetto

3.) Leader of the Pack - the Shangri-Las

I met him at the candy store / He turned around and smiled at me / You get the picture / "Yes, we see" / That's when I fell for the leader of the pack / My folks were always putting him down (down, down) / They said he came from the wrong side of town / (What you mean when you say that he came from the wrong side of town?) / They told me he was bad, but I knew he was sad / That's why I fell for the leader of the pack

4.)He's a Rebel - The Crystals

When he holds my hand, I'm so proud / 'Cause he's not just one of the crowd / My baby's always the one to try the things they've never done And just because of that, they say / "He's a rebel and he'll never ever be any good / He's a rebel 'cause he never ever does what he should" But just because he doesn't do what everybody else does / That's no reason why I can't give him all my love

5.) Flip, Flop, & Fly - Big Joe Turner

Now flip, flop and fly / I don't care if I die / Now flip, flop and fly I don't care if I die / Don't ever leave me, don't ever say goodbye

6.) The world was wide enough - Hamilton

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory / Is this where it gets me, on my feet, sev'ral feet ahead of me? / I see it coming, do I run or fire my gun or let it be? / There is no beat, no melody / Burr, my first friend, my enemy / Maybe the last face I ever see / If I throw away my shot, is this how you'll remember me? / What if this bullet is my legacy?

& LIST 6 QUOTES THAT INSPIRE YOU TO WRITE YOUR MUSE: ( I cheated a little)

1.) Rebel Without a Cause

---I don't know what to do anymore. Except maybe die.

---I woke up this morning, you know... and the sun was shining, and it was nice, and all that type of stuff. And the first thing, I saw you, and, uh, I said, "Boy, this is gonna be one terrific day, so you better live it up, because tomorrow you'll be nothing." You see? And I almost was.

2.) 12 Angry Men

---It's always difficult to keep personal prejudice out of a thing like this. And wherever you run into it, prejudice always obscures the truth.

---We’re not here to go into the reasons why slums are breeding grounds for criminals. They are. I know it.

---Look, this boy’s been kicked around all his life. You know - living in a slum, his mother dead since he was nine. He spent a year and a half in an orphanage while his father served a jail term for forgery. That’s not a very good head start. He had a pretty terrible sixteen years. I think maybe we owe him a few words. That’s all.

3.) Inherit the Wind

---Progress has never been a bargain. You have to pay for it. Sometimes I think there's a man who sits behind a counter and says, "All right, you can have a telephone but you lose privacy and the charm of distance. Madam, you may vote but at a price. You lose the right to retreat behind the powder puff or your petticoat. Mister, you may conquer the air but the birds will lose their wonder and the clouds will smell of gasoline.

---Brady: We must not abandon faith! Faith is the most important thing! Drummond: Then why did God plague us with the capacity to think? Mr. Brady, why do you deny the one faculty of man that raises him above the other creatures of the earth, the power of his brain to reason? What other merit have we? The elephant is larger, the horse is swifter and stronger, the butterfly is far more beautiful, the mosquito is more prolific. Even the simple sponge is more durable. But does a sponge think? Brady: I don't know. I'm a man, not a sponge! Drummond: But do you think a sponge thinks? Brady: If the Lord wishes a sponge to think, it thinks! Drummond: Do you think a man should have the same privilege as a sponge? Brady: Of course! Drummond: [Gesturing towards the defendant, Bertram Cates] Then this man wishes to have the same privilege of a sponge, he wishes to think!

---Can't you understand? That if you take a law like evolution and you make it a crime to teach it in the public schools, tomorrow you can make it a crime to teach it in the private schools? And tomorrow you may make it a crime to read about it. And soon you may ban books and newspapers. And then you may turn Catholic against Protestant, and Protestant against Protestant, and try to foist your own religion upon the mind of man. If you can do one, you can do the other. Because fanaticism and ignorance is forever busy, and needs feeding. And soon, your Honor, with banners flying and with drums beating we'll be marching backward, BACKWARD, through the glorious ages of that Sixteenth Century when bigots burned the man who dared bring enlightenment and intelligence to the human mind!

TAGGED BY : @dustwereturn

TAGGING: @warriours ; @ycllowhaired ; @unvendaval ; @whatsbehindthefacade ; @angelsweeps

#ooc #Dash Games #this is from an age ago whoops

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chronic-boogara · 2 years

Note

Hello! I saw that your matchups are open, can i ask one? 👉👈 If you don't want to, that's fine!! :)

Uh, well I'm a Brazilian girl, I'm 5'6" tall, I have an hourglass body shape (here this is how we say body shape, this shape is also called "guitar body") and skinny. My hair is brown and wavy, its roots are straight, and the ends are curly, I have two red strands in the front, and two in the back (similar to joey jordison). My eyes are hazel, and they say my face resembles a doll's, I don't know why (maybe it's because my face shape is round and I have chubby cheeks, my eyes are half doe eyes and a slightly fleshy mouth.)

I like horror movies, slashers, vampires, music (funk and goth songs), stories, makeup, taking pictures, being horny (joke), and so on. I'm goth and I love my subculture, but besides goth music, I like glam metal, black metal, heavy metal, death metal, nu metal, emo, grunge, international phonks and funks from my country (MTG, ela me m4mou na rua, vem comigo fazendo hey how, set 2k800).

My MBTI is ENFP and my love language is physical touch and words of affirmation, so I'm very needy and clingy with the ones I love, I'm always giving kisses and hugs, showing happiness, I'm terrified of blood and the dark (ironic, no ?) I like to hear people vent about their problems and give genuine advice. But I'm very attached, I don't see much of my partner's flaws, and because of that I'm very manipulable without realizing it, it's too late to realize and get out of a toxic relationship :( but the cool thing is that I get nervous and curse the slasher in my native language 🤠

"[slasher] VOLTA AQUI SEU ARROMBADO!!" "[slasher] GET BACK HERE YOU BREAKDOWN!!"

"SEU FILHO DA PUTA [slasher] DEVOLVE O MEU PEDAÇO DE BOLO!" "YOU FUCKER [slasher] RETURN MY PIECE OF CAKE!"

"[slasher] SENTA O CU NA CADEIRA!" "[slasher] SIT YOUR ASS ON THE CHAIR!"

Sorry, it was too long and my english is bad :(

𝐢 𝗺𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐲𝗼𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡- 𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝗼𝗼𝗺𝐢𝐬

♡your perfect slasher match the is the man himself ; billy loomis. while he’s a bit insane and blood thirsty he’ll save a spot on his cold heart just for you.

♡billy loves how cute you are, not that it would change his opinion on you but he just adores squeezing your cheeks and picking you up. he loves it when you’re angry because

♡you two have a similar taste in clothing and music. death metal is his favorite!! at first he only listened to it to annoy his father but he’s grown to love it. all forms of rock and metal >>. there are so many branches of the genre so he’s always down for something new. he will always make fun of it at first but sooner or later you’ll catch him listening to it. he’s just a stubborn sob.

♡billy will get a bit annoyed if you’re too clingy but he’s a sucker for you he can only resist you for so long. he secretly love shaving you on his arm especially in crowds. he LOVES

♡most of your dates revolve around horror movies. he doesn’t much like to go out.

♡he will be scaring you a lot after you reveal your fears to him. he will be popping out of dark corners , covering himself in fake blood, flashing the lights on and off all to get a reaction. if you get too upset he’ll stop but only for a bit. he loves you but having that power over you is essential.

♡if he is EVER out of line it’s a good thing you’re there to put him in his place. he needs a stern woman in the house with him.

♡billy is a bit toxic and will manipulate you if needed. if you aren’t doing things the way he likes it he’ll convince you that you’re making him sad and get you to do better. he has no problem using his charm on you.

♡as a caucasian man he will be very curious about your culture and where you come from. he thinks it’s a bit weird you don’t do things like people in this country but he grows to appreciate it eventually.

♡he will complain like a bitch if you ever ask to do his makeup but how can he resist those eyes ? just don’t make him wear it out in public okay ?

♡photography is a cool. on the off chance he ever lets you in on his little secret of him being ghost face he’ll have you take pictures of him with the bodies and in the costumes. or maybe you’ll just edit them since you don’t like blood. knowing billy he will most likely force you to take the photos anyway.

♡he’s very protective of you. he doesn’t like it when you’re alone with stu because he knows how unpredictable he can be sometimes. he always keeps an eye on you. if you see little red lights blinking in your house it’s just billy.

♡oh how billy loves you. he could never kill you, you’re his final girl <3

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ticiie · 2 years

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week 14: you just disappeared

prompt from the off-season winter sport challenge

characters: Timo Meier, Nico Hischier, Jonas Siegenthaler

length: 1281 words

author's note: set after the game SUIvsUSA at the iihf worlds2022. yep, still not over it. sue me.

The ringing of the siren was almost inaudible. The fans of the American team clearly outnumbered those waving the Swiss flags and with the Swiss team having lost not just this game but also the tournament, one could hardly spot those anymore. Timo couldn’t remember ever feeling worse. His insides burned as they all lined up for the honours. He hated to admit it but the end result wasn’t surprising, they had performed worse than their opponents and there was no way anyone could sugar-coat it. Still, it was a bitter pill to swallow. Timo faked a smile or two while congratulating the winners. It took his all to not punch the defender, that had caused Enzo to miss most of the game, in the guts. Back in their locker room, the mood wasn’t any better. Most of the players had already gotten changed by the time Timo arrived, the national TV had occupied him longer than he had assumed. With stoic motions, he removed first his skates, threw the protectors in the basket that had been placed in the middle of the room and avoided looking at his teammates more than what was necessary. He couldn’t bare seeing the utter and absolute pain in their eyes. Then Patrick joined them. One look at him was enough to know that he shared their disappointment. When he spoke, his voice lacked its usual fire.

“It hurts, believe me guys, I know. For some of you, this is the first time at a world championship and you all are allowed to be angry and sad. But I want you to know that this defeat does neither define you as individual players, nor us as a team. We stand together, we fight together, we lose together, and we get back up together. And we will be back on top.” Patrick continued talking but Timo didn’t listen anymore. He had witnessed this kind of speech more times than he would’ve liked to and if he was honest, he was growing sick of it. The team gave their coach an honest (but rather half-heartedly) applause and everyone started to leave, making their ways to the bus that would bring them back to the hotel. Back to the real world. It was only when someone nudged his shoulder that the feeling returned to Timos limbs. He looked up and found Nico standing next to him. The younger one didn’t say anything, he just waited for Timo patiently and then trotted through the catacombs along his side. It was rather ironic, the two of them sharing such a strong bond when during regular season, they barely ever saw each other in person. Perhaps it was exactly because of that, Timo couldn’t tell and he also didn’t have the energy to think about it. He let himself be pulled along, not watching where Nico guided them. They stepped through an inconspicuous door, down a long and badly light hallway, up several stairs and a second later, they found themselves standing on the fire escape, hidden by the dark of the Finnish night. Timo took a deep breath. The cold that streamed through his lungs into every inch of his body lifted the dullness that had caught him right after the end of the game had been announced. He met Nico’s eyes.

“Better?”

Timo nodded. “Better. Thank you.” Nico just smiled and leaned against the railing. Far above their heads, the stars became brighter any minute. Timo had no idea what time it was, he had lost all sense of time. The game itself had seemed to have lasted only a mere number of seconds while everything that had come since felt like taking hours and hours more. “How’s Jonas?”, Timo eventually asked. Nico sighed. It was easy to tell that he was tired as well but the mentioning of Jonas’ name seemed to breathe new energy into him. A soft smile appeared on Nico’s lips, one that Timo hadn’t seen in quite some time.

“He’s okay. Well, as okay as all of us are. He’ll...he’s okay.”

“No idea if I ever told you but I like you guys together. He’s got a good influence on you.”

Nico scoffed. “Thanks, I guess?”

Timo laughed and although it felt weird an out of place, as if his muscles weren’t used to those movements anymore, it was also somehow relieving.

“I’m glad you’re saying this. I wouldn’t be nearly as comfortable about this if I’d know that you or anyone else on the team would have a problem with it.” As if Timo could ever have a bad feeling about his best friend finding his perfect match. He had seen how Nico had been pining over Jonas for what felt like half their lives and when they finally gave in to their feelings, Timo had been one of the first people to wish them well. The silence that fell upon them after Nico’s confession wasn’t an uncomfortable one and was only interrupted by the ringing of Nico’s phone.

“Speaking of”, he mumbled before answering it. Timo figured that one couldn’t call it eavesdrop when Nico showed no intention in lowering the volume of the call or moving away from Timo. He heard Jonas’ voice next to him, seemingly worried.

“You just disappeared, is everything alright? Is Timo with you?”

“We’re both fine, just had to get out for a second.”

Timo tried not to feel guilty about occupying Nico for so long and having the team waiting for their return. He let his thoughts wander again while Nico exchanged some more words with Jonas. Was Enzo doing better? Timo hadn’t gotten a chance to ask him during the breaks and by the time the match had ended, Enzo had been driven back to their accommodation long ago. It was so stupid. Recently, their sport brought a lot more misery than it did joy, yet Timo could still not quit it. Every bruise, every cut, every lost game fed the flame inside of him more, when all he wanted after getting bruised, cut and losing a game, was to sleep. Or to at least not having to think anymore. Wasn’t that the definition of insanity? He made the same mistakes over and over again but expected a different outcome. This never-ending spiral of giving his best for a sport that loved to knock him to the ground. It wasn’t that Timo didn’t learn from his mistakes. He did, he tried his best to do so, but sometimes, it just hurt a lot more. Like tonight. Getting kicked out of the world championship in quarter finals again after playing such an incredible preliminary round – it felt like a punch to the face. Timo hated it. He hated everything about it, from seeing Tristan getting sent to the hospital to Patrick’s perplexity and back to the spiteful grin coming from the opposing side. The knot in his chest started to tighten again, making it hard to breathe. Timo focused on the cars passing by on the main street three stories beneath them, until Nico put his phone away again and opened the heavy escape door. The light from the hallway casted a shadow on the younger one’s face that made him look even paler and more exhausted. But his eyes kept their passion.

“Wanna head back? It’s starting to get cold anyways.”

And so they went back. Through the stadium and out the main entry to the parking lot. The pain wasn’t gone but it was less demanding for sure. Timo didn’t know what Nico’s superpower was, how he managed to ease every displease. But he knew that he would forever be grateful about it.

#osws #osws fandom challenge #hockey rpf #nico hischier #jonas siegenthaler #timo meier #emotional hurt/comfort #iihf worlds 2022 #fanfic #shoutout to wunderlichkind #team switzerland

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thelovelybitten · 1 year

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vera's first watch of south park - season one

okay since stendy has taken over my life, I wanted to watch all 26 seasons of south park just for fun (and get more depth on the characters), so here's a little blurb on how season 1 went.

EPISODE 1:

oh my god the first episode is the fucking anal probe... the one clip I saw on tiktok disturbed me a little but that's the vulgarity of it all

KICK THE BABY

YOU'RE TELLING ME SINCE THE FIRST EPISODE STENDY WAS MENTIONED ?!?!?@?#??#! THE LITTLE LOVEY DOVEY STAN IS IN THE FIRST EPISODE ?????? DECEASED

STAN THROWS UP WHEN HE SEES HER WHAT this is new knowledge to ME it's so gross yet so cute LMAO

wendy giving him the note and the meeting at the pond... KYLE WAS IN HIS ANGRY ARC

my trio doing the damn thing stendyle FOREVER !!

"when do I get to make sweet love?" STAN RELAXXXX

kyle popping the FUCK OFF at the aliens as he should

I'm crying at stendy he vomits on her and her immediate reaction is "LOOK, A FRENCH FRY?" please they are so CUTE

EPISODE 2:

OH WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE IT'S THE EPISODE WHERE WENDY AND CARTMAN FIGHT FOR THE WINNER OF THE PAPER WRITING CONTEST

it's the way I know exactly what kenny is talking abt PLEASE

"hey, stop defending your little girlfriend for writing about some stupid fish" SO THEY'RE DATING NOW??????? stendy has been canon since the beginning?!@?!?#?$ HOW ARE THEY NOT POPULAR IN THE FANDOM

STAN DEFENDING WENDY <3

CLYDE AND BEBE OMG THEY ARE SO CUTE GSJSKBKG

uhm... i don't know how to feel abt this racist stuff, wouldn't fly in this modern-day timeline it's uncomfortable to watch tbh. Will have to get used to it

miss wendy GIRL DON'T GET CAUGHT

omg the TikTok MEME THAT MADE ME FALL IN LOVE W THEM GDNGKJNSNGJKGNKNK

the quote for my otp tag: I can't do it alone

stan in his simp era as HE SHOULD

stan and wendy in their duo arc they slayed

DOES KENNY GET KILLED IN EVERY EPISODE ???? that makes me sad

EPISODE 3:

it's stan being soft with animals for me <3 he's so SWEET my fave boy

kenny chugging gasoline???? my unhinged son

kenny popping AWF killing things

stan wanting to be a man like kenny BABY BOY YOU ARE PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE SBGKJBS

so they do kill kenny in every episode.... weird dunk

chef making me CRINGE PLEASE

stan killing Scuzzlebutt iconic

EPISODE 4:

SPARKY is STAN'S DOG SJNKGSKNSK SO CUTE

wait is this is where the hc of stan being the high school quarterback comes from ??? so iconic

omg INFLATE STAN'S EGO PLEASE very king shit of him

as a bisexual... this is a little much :l

sensitive but i'll get over it

kyle filling for stan so style of them

why are Y'ALL KILLIN KENNY I hate it here

stan slowly becoming an ALLY

stan carrying the show as he fucking should that's my mf son right there

EPISODE 5:

not STAN GETTING BEAT BY SHELLY??? Is that her name??? Idk his big sister i don’t want a HAIR on his head touched

Kyle baby boy i love you but WHERE THE FUCK DID U GET AN ELEPHANT

Oh so Kyle’s the smartest kid at school ugh i love my brainiac son u EAT THESE BITCHES upppppp

Mr. Garrison common L

Shelly is AWFUL OMG

I love how stan gets launched and Kyle is just. Hey bestie we going to do this shit u better come

Cartman & fluffy is very wholesome (very rare that i like cartman, don’t count on it)

DON’T POKE STAN

Oh y’all be cloning stan ihy

Oh my god u can’t be serious is this actually gonna happen SKBSBGJS

Elton John ate

Mutant!Stan is a freak of nature :/

WHEN KENNY WENT IN THE MICROWAVE I WHEEZED HE’S SO CUTE LMAOO

Shelly redeemed herself for half a second and now she’s back on my hit list of “characters i cannot trust with Stanley Marsh”

EPISODE 6:

Oh lord we in for a wild one aren’t we

Not Stan’s grandpa wanting to unalive :(

KYLE AND IKE MY FAVOURITE SILBLINGSSSSS they’re so cute watching tv

I'm w kyle's mom on this, TF is terrance & Philip it's LAME

kyle's mom snitching kinda iconic tho

KENNY NOT THE EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA pls

EYE. STAN pls not this question

KYLE DON'T FEED THIS IDEA NGJKSNGSLGD

EPISODE 7:

kenny in his zombie era

OMG STAN AS RAGGEDY ANNE OMG

omg wendy as chewbacca

not wendy roasting stan pls they're chaotic

common cartman L with his costume

kenny falling to pieces fdsjngnsdkgjks

kyle being the solar system HOW WHOLESOME

wenSLAY AS THE WINNER AS SHE SHOULD

NOT THEM ALL SHAMING STAN

stendy's first fight :((((((((

CLYDE DON'T EAT BEBE

stan eating cartman up that's my fucking son

wendy being a good samaritan

shit stendy fight part two

NO WENDY GETS ZOMBIEFIED FJNDKJNFSDKNSK

is this a reference to the triple K ??? wtf this is fucked

chef W this ep pls kick cartman's ass

candy >>>>> everything else

period Michael Jackson ref

NO DON'T KILL WENDY STANLEY FUCKING DON'T YOU LOVE HER

"don't worry babe, everything is gonna be okay" KILL ME SJKBGJBKGSBK THEY ARE SO CUTE

stan this does not excuse u for wanting wendy to die tho... not proud of u

EPISODE 8:

omg I saw a bit of this on tiktok too

tHE AMOUNT OF CHESSY POOFS RELAX

kyle smelling kenny jbwejgbjkgbjkg please

wendy <3 my angel baby cake eat cartman up

the fuck did I just watch... whack ass turkeys

starvin' marvin ??? tf

'bad starvin' marvin THAT'S A BAD STARVIN' MARVIN'

OMG NOT THEM GRABBING CARTMAN DSBSDGBKJGDSBDSBK so slay marvin so slay

cartman finding the motherload of snacks alr I'll give the W

kenny doesn't deserve this shit save my mf son

EPISODE 9:

omg is this a CHRISTMAS SPECIAL?!?!??!?! OMG SO CUTE

stan IN HIS NARRATOR ARC

WENDY AS VIRGIN MARY BNJFJKFDNJDNJ I'M DEAD

KYLE DOING THE DAMN THING

KENNY THE ANGEL <33333333

omg stan and wendy catching snowflakes on their tongues :')))))) that's wholesome as FUCK

kyle's musical number !!!!!! where's the album sir ??? the vocals are FIRE

NO NOT IKE ON FIRE

MR.HANKEY IS A PIECE OF LITERAL SHIT....

CARTMAN FINDING A VIBRATOR... PLS

this is where ‘Kyle’s mom’s a bitch’ originates ?? not gonna lie cartman ate that tbh

MR MACKEY <3 m’kay man reigns supreme

not y’all setting up Kenny :/

oh he’s okay thank god

KENNY SPINNING AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PLAY DFNJNJDVFKVDJFKNKNJ HE IS BABIE

stendy in three frames it must be so

something…feels…unfinished…. Y’all rly gonna kill my son before the end of the episode FUCK YALL FR

I manifested Kenny not dying period

EPISODE 10:

it’s cartman’s bday ok this is gonna be FUCKING WHACK

Damien a spawn of Satan fr

Kenny the platypus ! <3

not satan being real :/

Mr mackey slayage AGAIN <3

common cartman L DON'T TOUCH MY SON KYLE JSJKGKJBKJSG

EPISODE 11:

god my throat hurts so bad KMS

STENDY INTERACTION I'M WINNING

wendy being wholesome and cartman being an ass... weird dunk

stan at least being supportive

OMG WAIT THIS IS THE EP WHERE WENDY IS IN HER PSYCHO ERA BC STAN IS A SIMP :'(

omg the main four are in their simp era

NOT STAN PUKING THE BETRAYAL

wendy :((((( stan is DELUSIONAL DW DW

stanley u SHUT UR DAMN MOUTH

wendy being sad is NOT MY FAVE

I love wendy in her jealous era flame this bitch

NO NOT THE STENDY FLASHBACKS GDJBBJKHDGBJKGDBJKDHBJK KMS

wait they are all of him vomiting LMAOOOOO

Wendy crying is my weakness

GOD DAMN IT i knew SHE WOULD ASK STAN TO DO SOMETHING FOR HER FUCKING BITCHHHH

“DON’T FUCK WITH ME.” WENSLAY AS USUAL. When is she not an icon

Gives miss Ellen a dead animal i love her so much

Jesus Stan being an idiot >:( i love my son but he’s stupid

OMG WENDY IS SO TRUE FOR HER

WAIT MISS ELLEN IS A LESBIAN OKAY A SLAY

Stan…. Ur not a lesbian pls

The BIRKENSTOCKS NDFSNKSFK

Mr.garrison got RIZZ

Bebe & Wendy my fave duo they besties for the resties

WENDY IN HER SANDRA DEE ARC I REPEAT WENDY IS IN HER SANDRA DEE ARC

I am obsessed w this omg

NO NOT MISS ELLEN COMING IN THE SAME OUTFIT this is CRUEL

Bro miss Ellen on my hit list she rizzing up my son and ruining my ship FUCK AWF

Um ???? WE JUST NOT GONNA TALK ABT WENDY’S GMA UNALIVING???? SO TRAUMATIZING FOR LIL WENDY

NO WENDY DON’T GIVE UPPPP

Wendy STOP IT I’M SOBBING i love how selfless she is but it’s also a con

???? NOT THE IRAQI AFTER MISS ELLEN

Stendy reigns again period

WENDY AND BEBE SLAYED

Aw my psycho children i love them <3

EPISODE 12:

KYLE GETTING THE CLOUT as he should <3

Barbra get ur hands off Kyle and don’t yell at stan >:(

Not cartman breaking into kyle’s house ur weird

Lol them just hanging there… weird

The Japanese i love it

Barbra destroying the town ew

Literally wtf is this ep

I’m very lost

Ike AT THE END FDDJJCNDJDJ

EPISODE 13?:

CARTMAN’S TEA PARTY ok this is wholesome

Cartman just wants to know who his dad is aw :’( big relate

My fave kids putting their video of cartman on AFV sjdsncdj

GO KART KENNY :’(

WAIT ONLY THIRTEEN EPS? WERK IG

I made it boys woo thanks for reading this far have a cookie

#faves: south park #viv watches #otp: i cant do it alone #first season a 7/10 i would say #South Park #anyways S2 S2

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aizenat · 2 months

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The more I watch this show, the more I’m seeing the range (or lack thereof) with these actors.

The boy playing Aang is still super green and it shows. His delivery is all I can think of is Disney. It’s “I’m a kid but I have to pretend to be super series here.” He also has zero comedic timing and half the jokes they give him are wasted on him.

That said, I CAN see the potential in him. With him, I can’t help but think about the Harry Potter actors in the first couple of movies. You go back and watch them and they’re a bit campy with the acting because they were young and just weren’t used to more serious roles. But by the third movie, they really get into their roles and it’s less “I’m a kid acting how fun” and it’s just better. You literally can see a huge improvement especially with our golden trio with the acting. So I’m holding out hope that this kid can improve with years assuming we’re getting more seasons.

The girl playing Katara tho? Throw her out with the bath water. Nothing she does comes across as believable. Her eyes don’t react or change much, which i don’t think is her fault entirely. But actors with faces like that have existed and they learn how to adapt. Look at Audrey Plaza. But for Katara who is passionate and outspoken and will yell at you in a second? This is not the role for this girl. She was a bad choice.

I haven’t finished the episode so I’ll see if I feel different after it, but that scene where she first goes to Pakku and he tells her that women can’t fight is crazy. She should be angry and raging but she just meekly is like “I’ve fought fire benders you can’t say that” and when he’s like “you didnt train your whole life” she just looks defeated? And when Aang shows up to co-sign Pakku, she just looks frustrated and sad? Aang literally thanked her in the last scene we saw of them for getting him to the northern water tribe and now he’s saying Pakku’s sexism is right and Katara isn’t melting the ice around Aang and letting him fall in?????? Hello???????

Like I get how some of this is more on how she’s written and not the actress but even when she gets a few moments to explore, she’s too reserved about it. She doesn’t stomp away, she doesn’t let out frustrated growls or even throw her hands up in the air. She just stands there and delivers the line and tries to make her voice a bit louder at times but that’s it. This girl from her face to her body to her line delivery, and this is the nicest way I can say this, just straight up cannot act. And she should not have been casted as the second lead to ANYTHING (not without years of experience with smaller roles), let alone Avatar. Sis is cute but she’s not an actress.

#apparently she’s been in a few other things #but she just started out five years ago when she would have been like twelve #no offense girl but you need real acting lessons

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ars-matron · 3 months

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The Last Sun Reread: Chapters 8-10

Chapter 8: Cubic Dreams

Even though Rune is exhausted, from storing and using so many healing spells on himself and Brand, he has to go out to the club like Quinn said. Ciaran isn't answering his phone and they need that lead he has.

I just love, really, that Rune has his phone number, and evidently went to the theatre or movies with Ciaran at least once because of that whole, "changing the color of an usher's eyes", thing. And yet Rune is like, man I hate having to deal with this guy. What the heck were they getting up to before this series started?

Before they head out Brand tells Rune that Quinn is in a coma, and points out that Max is definitely crushing on Rune. Who is not happy at all about that.

He's also unhappy with having to dress like a clubbing scion in skin tight and mostly see through clothing. Can't blame him there. In the car he asks Max if there was some other name they should be calling him.

"Like a code name?"

I love him. And now we can call him Max officially.

At the club they order drinks. Rune a raspberry ginger ale (same man) and Brand a water. Max orders a virgin daiquiri and Rune leaves the two of them at a table to find Ciaran. Cubic dreams is usually only frequented by humans and an older human man approaches Rune to chat him up. And is then scared off by Ciaran.

Ciaran and Rune have chat and then Brand barges in, which, Ciaran doesn't like. So he mind fucks Brand to go dance and have fun. Rune is ready to draw blood, but Ciaran starts to explain what's going on.

He finds out Addam is at Farstryke, a castle that was once the house of the Hourglass Throne, transported there after the war, but for some reason became instantly ran over with ghosts and undead to the point where it isn't even safe to try to save it. Before Rune can rush off Ciaran gives him the other piece that Quinn saw. If Brand follows him into Farstryke, he will die. Rune takes this very seriously and wanders off in daze. In a hall he passes some sketchy looking patrons including.

"A human rocked back and forth on the ground. He was dressed in an expensive suit and had shallow cuts crisscrossing the tops of his bare feet."

is this our first look at the agonies?

He finds Max slumped at the table where he was left, who is looking at Brand. Brand is dancing in the middle of the dance floor, a circle around him as people watch.

Rune cottons on to the fact that something is wrong with Max, and when the spell breaks and Brand comes back, angry at being mind fucked into letting loose, he figures out whats wrong. The club with the ice cubes, Cubic Dreams.

(as an aside, drugged Max is pretty funny. He called Rune a "salty cucumber" which is something I hope to remember for my own use. He also does not understand when they ask if he took anything, meaning drugs, he's just upset they think he's stolen something from them)

They confront the bartender and after Brand smashes his face a little they find out his boyfriend had been brutalized and killed by the Lovers at one of their parties. He recognized Max, who's uncles would bring him to such events, dog collared and stashed in a corner while he played with the humans there. He was hoping that something bad would happen to Max after he was drugged.

Max gets sad and goes out in the hall, Rune follows. And it's all very sad, but at least Brand gets to take it out on the douche who drugged Max.

Chapter 9: Half House Interlude

A very short chapter in which Brand is super angry, not just because he can't go to Farstryke and he's worried about Rune, but because Rune suspected that Max's uncle was abusing him and didn't say anything to him about it.

In the end Brand realizes he's upset, but he isn't angry with Rune. He wants Rune to rest. To wait until evening the next day to go into Farstryke, but Rune feels he has to go then, at dawn. Rune retains a promise from him that no matter what, Brand won't go in after him. And then, they get ready for the big show.

Chapter 10: Farstryke

Ciaran and Rune drive to Farstryke. Ciaran agree to come as back up because he cares about Quinn and thus, he cares about Addam. Brand is on the phone with Rune who, falls asleep a little on the ride over. Brand is worried and is nagging and after Rune hangs up Ciaran mentions that Brand mother's him. (I feel this is important because I do not think other companions have a bond like they do. The little short of them as children even talked about it. that they were so close it boarded on telepathic, though we know it isn't quite that. It's very close though)

Outside of Farstryke Rune sets up a teleport spell and then covers both of them with a levitation spell to hopefully get them across the yard and into the castle. (Funny only because he instructs Ciaran on how to use the levitation spell. This man literally takes off flying at the drop of a hat for rest of the series)

Everything is going well until Ciaran hits a null thread and drops to the ground. Then a battle starts. Ghouls pop up, because they evidently landed in a nest. They all look like children and I don't know if that's just how ghouls look normally, or if its significant to who might have died there. We know the Hourglass Throne has no qualms about killing children, or using a group of them as a living shield.

The lich ( I was spelling it lych, which is also correct by now I realize they use lich I will use that) We still don't know it's a lich though. It pops up eventually and starts warping reality again. It picks up a null thread and just whips it around. Rune decided to get out of dodge, which, fair. Then, in hopes that he can appeal to something within it, tries to make peace. He knows that it was summoned and that it's a puppet, for now. The lich tells him is name is Rurik, and Rune asks who is mad enough at Addam, and strong enough to have summoned him.

"A summoning is a spell. A spell is words backed with willpower. Any willful, ignorant tongue may form the right words." Rurik paused. "It does not mean they will hold me."

Which means that pretty much anyone can just summon a lich.

Rurik says if Rune tries to pass it will have to kill him, which it does not want to do. Rune takes this to mean that Rurik has no ill will towards him, but Rurik laughs. It wants Rune to stay with it, so it can play with him. Because Rune is filled with nightmares.

Suddenly Rurik is right there and trying to, I don't know, eat Rune's bad memories but Ciaran comes in and pelts it with a rock. They start fighting again and Rune is finally able to get Rurik to go away by using Blessfire.

Rune has to scrape himself off the ground, he's exhausted by they don't have much time. Ciaran wants him to call the Tower right there, but there is no cell signal. So they go into the castle.

Rune does a little locating spell, something that lets him see the life signs around him, and there is only one living life sign, something large under their feet. He keeps the blessfire up and going, it does nothing to push back the darkness, but keeps them safe.

AND THEN!!! Something in the castle messes with Ciaran's dream/prophetic abilities. We know at least one things he says comes to pass, I'm going to record them all here.

"Ciaran hit me in the shoulder and shouted, "You are only my face and voice, not my will, and I will have you remember that!"

Rune is obviously bewildered by this. And Ciaran realizes something in there is messing with this abilities. The first time I read this I thought he was channeling dead people. Now I'm guessing it's a look into the future, and maybe the past?

They keep going and then

"Ciaran said, raw and loud, "She fooled us all, like Russian dolls inside Russian dolls inside Russian dolls. The canny bitch!"

"He shook his head. One delusion slipped off, and another slipped in, turning his anger into grief. "Their bodies have been lost to the waves," he said. "There is no more cause for hope."

Recarnates jump out from a tapestry here, Rune tries to direct Ciaran to stay behind him, but...

"But...the Westlands is advancing on us, we must prepare."

I wonder if that one maybe happens later in this book and we just don't see it?

The recarnates stay outside of the blessfire, and Rune thinks they are afraid to approach them, until he realized there are wraiths above them. He lets the wraiths feed on the recarnates, like Quinn said. And once they are all gone he instructs Ciaran to go outside and wait there.

Finally he makes it down to where Addam is being kept. Uses a spell to open the locked door and there he is.

"Addam Saint Nicholas faced away from me. He had an MP3 player in one hand was dancing. There was a tray of food, a bottle of wine, a small stack of new-release paperbacks, and a camping cot. He wore only black suit pants. No shoes, socks, shirt, or sigils My first thought was that he danced like Brand."

And then Addam turns around and nearly stabs Rune with a broken footstool leg that had been sharpened. He realizes Rune is alive and thinks it's a whole huge rescue team that has come for him. They get that sorted and Rune takes off his socks to give to Addam so he doesn't have to go barefoot. Which is silly but also thoughtful.

Rune checks out Addam, and his tattoos while Addam puts the socks on. He makes double sure that this is a prison cell, Addam was kidnapped, he isn't just running off, "because he got drunk and woke up with a sailor."

"Any chance you know who put you here?" "I do not," he said, and his voice got a little hard. I heard the curl of an accent; heavy and Salvic, like his mother. He said, "But I will."

And that is the end of that chapter. I have finished this reread, I have marked in the important bits in my notes, now all I have to do is write it up.

#ttsrr #the tarot sequence #the last sun #rape tw

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shores-of-oblivion · 3 months

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I decided to start the Siege of Terra series a bit ago, and I don't know if it's a case of "it gets better just stick with it" or "it just isn't for you anymore, it's fine" but I'm so disappointed with the first 3 entries into the series. More under the cut because Jesus Christ

I've read at least half of the Heresy series that preceded it, they're not all great of course, there's 50 of these damn things, but there are some genuinely fantastic novels in there. Betrayer, First Heretic, Know No Fear, fucking Master of Mankind? (God remind me to gush about how much I love sad boy Zephon) The initial trilogy is pretty solid too. I know this *can* be good. Great, even.

But man, reading the Siege series just feels so boring, so simple. Sure, there's this complex war being fought with some twists, I appreciate the details of warfare on this scale, logistics, etc, and there's some character stuff going on but I just cannot bring myself to care.

Like, Perturabo is the one planning the siege for the traitors, he's super paranoid and kills his own commanders and is easily slighted, and also he's bad. So bad. Such a bad guy, scowling and exploding at people and arguing constantly with the other Traitors. And Angron (who I adore) is an angry avatar of the war god who just wants to kill and is functionally immortal and insane. He screams at the other Traitors because of how bad he wants to kill shit. And they're all sort of like this. All the traitor Primarchs are just bad evil dudes coming to do bad evil things with their bad evil gods. And there are some Space Marine commanders and whatnot, Abaddon is there, but they all want to kill each other to varying degrees, and they argue constantly, they're at each other's throats. It's just so boring. Is asking for another Argel-Tal and Khârn situation too much?

The loyalists, on the other hand, are portrayed as so noble and virtuous, taking a stand against the darkness in the name of mankind and it hit a point where I just couldn't take it. I know that's how they see themselves, I know that's how the imperium views the forces of chaos, but we see stuff from the traitors perspective and it's still like this. They're still just being evil to dear down the Emperor and they don't care about what it'll cost or the death of the species, and that was the most interesting part of the Traitors cause to me! Everyone is so consumed with petty squabbles and insults that they seem to have forgotten why they're even there. There's no sense of unity or brotherhood or much of a common goal for them, but it's everything to the loyalists, and I hate that so much. The evil side is evil and they're mean and grumpy at each other all the time and that's it. The siege will play out with one team being noble knights defending mankind and the other will be bad bastard men doing evil things for their dark gods.

Like, FUCK ME. Is that it? Is that truly all you have for me?? I felt heartbreak when I learned of Angrons past and how he's always hated the Emperor, viewing him as a tyrant and no better than the people that hammered the implants into his skull and stole all emotion and peace from him. Lorgar has this amazing journey of faith and a desire to find something greater than himself, Horus starts this whole thing because he sees a vision of 40k and the Imperium becoming fucking awful and erasing him from its history. (Which does inspire him to do a heresy which only serves to make the future he saw come to pass as he attempts to prevent it, which is SO GOOD) There's so much potential for these characters on this stage, we've had 50 god damn books, and 3 books in to the final chapter, the Siege of fucking Terra, and all you've really told me is that The Imperium are the good guys and The Forces of Chaos are the bad guys??

I started reading the series because Aaron Dembski Bowden wrote the 7th novel, Echos of Eternity, and I fucking love everything he writes so I figured I'd give the series a go, work my way there, and I regret that choice.

I just. I've been waiting for this to happen for...20 god damn years. This was where it was always going to go when they first released Horus Rising. The first line is a joke about that very thing. "I was there, the day Horus slew the Emperor." I love 40k. I love the Heresy. I'm a big fan of apocalyptic end time wars. This should be working for me. This should be such an easy sell, and yet here I am.

#40k stuff #horus heresy #I'm sorry I have a lot to say about my disappointment

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crimsonmoonlite · 5 months

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Fangs and Fragility - Twilight/Beau Swan - 18+ - 1. Bella

Bella

October 3rd, 2005 3:39 PM

Seattle, WA

It's been 8 years since the last time I came to Forks... 8 years since the last time I saw my father, and 8 years since I even spoke to my brother Beau. Where we left off last time wasn't so good... Beau, Charlie tried to call me at least once a week. I assume he is still mad, he blocked me on Myspace when I friended him a few years back.

I am not sure if I want to reconcile with him, I racked my brain trying to figure out why he was so angry with me. The only thing I can think about is that I started dating his best friend, Freddie Henderson... and even then, I don't think that warranted how fast he was out of the house.

When Beau moved out it broke our Mom's heart, that's why I was a little more careful when asking if I could move to Forks so she and Phil could enjoy their first year being married. I'm not sure if Dad was thrilled to have me come live with him, he does have 4 other kids than me and Beau... it might be a full house, though I can never tell anything from his tone.

I do want to spend a bit of time with my father before I graduate high school, after graduation, I am pretty much immediately moving back to Arizona to attend college. I haven't even met my younger half-brothers; their mother just left them alone with Beau and Charlie without any warning... I wonder if Beau helps Dad out around the house. I remember Beau hating babies the times we would have to babysit for our neighbor in Phoenix.

Beau and I have never really got along, he is my twin... we are supposed to be attached at the hip or something. We are fraternal twins... but we should still have a resemblance to each other, but we look nothing alike. I take after my mother's features and Beau takes after my father's side... who knows we look more alike now?

"Ready honey?" Mom asked, I could see the sadness in her eyes. Phil and She were bringing me to Seattle on their extra flight mileage, mom also wanted to see Beau. I was surprised when Dad said that Beau was coming to pick me up, I would be assuming my little siblings would be coming unless they could find a babysitter. "Phil and I will grab a cab, we will meet you at the steakhouse,"

"I'll go with you."

"Are you sure?"

"Well yeah, I will have plenty of time with Dad and Beau, I am sure they will understand," I said, and we made our way out of the plane and to the baggage claim.

"Help me find your father, honey, I bet he is a bit fatter now without us there to encourage him and Beau to eat better," Mom said and rolled my eyes, I love her to death, but she only cares about looks and how much she and everyone weighs.

As mom and I were looking around and Phil was grabbing my luggage I locked eyes with a goth guy, and I only recognized him when he rolled his eyes. He picked up two toddlers lightly kicked a man beside him and walked toward us with two elementary-aged kids in tow.

"Oh my god..." Renee said trying to hide her disgust, I am sure she didn't recognize Beau at first... she has a thing against goths too.

"Beaufort? Is that you?" Phil looked like he had just seen a clown, "you look like one of the Nancy wrist cutters now," he laughed, and Beau didn't acknowledge him. Mom did a good job of pretending he began to laugh switching into a scold to her husband, Charlie looked like he was about to punch Phil in the face.

"Bear, What is a wrist cutter?" The oldest of my half siblings said and everyone was too stunned to speak, except Beau who looked calm and collected.

"A band, and it's a bad word, Don't say it again Calliope, thanks for that..." Beau said pointedly at Phil and Mom.

"It's so good to see you baby-" Mom rushed forward to hug Beau but he put his hand out in front of him to stop her.

"I'm good," Beau snapped and Charlie pinched the bridge of his nose, Beau looked at me and I glared at him... there was no reason to treat our mom like this, he rolled his eyes. "Keys," Beau held out his hand for Dad to hand him the keys.

"Son, be nice," Dad told him with a pointed look and Beau rearranged his face to false niceness.

"Oh sorry, yeah... let me just kiss everyone's ass like you," Beau snapped and things got quiet.

"So, are we going to eat still?" I asked to cut the tension, Charlie's face softened and turned to me.

"Yep, your favorite one that you would always want to eat at before you went back to Renee's," Charlie said pointing to the oldest girl who looked to be around 5, "This is Calliope," Charlie said with pride and the girl on cue smiled as big as she could. "This is Sebastian," the four-year-old boy widened his eyes and quickly ran behind Beau's leg to hide. "And the twins are Genevieve and Adelaide,"

"I got to give it to you Charlie, those are really cute names," Mom smiled and greeted all of the babies.

"Oh, Beau helped name them, Fiona loved his suggestions," Charlie smiled proudly but then he seemed to realize he spoke about Fiona. We said a few more things before mentioning that we would meet them at the restaurant.

------- 4:44 PM Seattle traffic was horrible like usual, but it seemed like we got to the restaurant at the same time, It was a good thing that Charlie reserved a table. Everyone was sitting down before Beau got up and rearranged the seating so the kids would be between him and Charlie... the awkward thing is that Beau was right next to Phil. I can't remember them ever getting along either.

We all agreed to get the food at the same time the server came for our drinks, so everyone quickly looked through the menu. "Get whatever you guys wait, Dinner is on me," Phil said smirking spreading his legs and resting his arms on the back of Mom and Beau's chair.

"Get your hand off of my chair," Beau said and when Phil didn't do it, he manually shoved it off.

"Pad Thai," I said when the server got to me.

"Can't get that, Bastian is deathly allergic to nuts," Beau said and I widened my eyes.

"I'm sorry..." Sebastian said with a frown.

"Oh, no-no it's okay, I will have the erm..." I didn't want to upset Sebastian, but I wanted the pad Thai.

"Lemon pepper chicken with garlic mashed potatoes," Beau said and that surprisingly sounded good.

"Yeah, I'll have that,"

"I want the ribeye steak and lobster-" Charlie said and Beau shook his head.

"Calliope has a shellfish allergy," Beau said and Charlie looked apologetic to Calliope, "He will have the pan-seared grouper on the side," Beau suggested.

"Oh, even better, where did you see that?" Charlie asked, "Sebastian you wanted the ghetti, and Calli you wanted the chicken nuggets?" he asked, and the kids nodded, Beau sighed.

"Both have a gluten sensitivity; do you have rice noodles or just rice?"

"I don't want rice..." Calliope crossed her arms and Charlie cheered her up by giving her head a rub.

"You'll have the rice, and you'll like it, or you won't have cartoon time before bed," Beau said sternly and Calliope stuck her tongue out at him, then the server looked at him for his order. "Water,"

"You don't want anything else, Sweetie? your belly was grumbling on the way here?" Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"I'm fine, 'll help the kids with their spaghetti,"

"It's not spaghetti if it's rice..." Calliope muttered under her breath.

"Order Phil," Beau sighed when it was silent still, he reached into the stroller and got some baby food and a bottle out for the twins. The dinner was awkward even for us as it went on, Beau was quiet as he fed the babies... I would help but I was never really good with the little tykes when we would babysit.

"You sure you do want anything, sweetie? You can have some of my steak?" Charlie said to Beau breaking the silence, he was burning Adelaide while texting on his phone. "Hello, Beaufort," Charlie snapped in his direction and Beau looked at him confused. "I was offering you my steak, put your phone away and talk to your mother. You can talk to Jacob when we get back home."

"Who Jacob?" I asked as the name sounded familiar.

"Jacob Black, the kid on the reservation you two use to play with, he and Beau are fri-"

"He is my boyfriend," Beau interjected and Mom choked on her drink, my mouth fell open... Beau is gay? How could my twin be gay, and I didn't know it... is this why he hates me? Because I can't sense something as simple as him liking men? "Hey Renee, want Charlie to fill you in on what he caught Jacob and me doing in my room the other day,"

"Beau," Charlie widened his eyes.

"Stop being disrespectful boy," Phil snapped.

"Don't talk to my son like that,"

"He only got in trouble for wrestling with Jacob," Calliope said innocently and I put a hand over my mouth trying to hold in laughter as Mom looked like she was about to faint, and Phil rubbed his face. "What? It's only wrestling, Beau gets in trouble for wrestling a lot,"

Things got quiet again, Calliope needed a little nudging to eat more. Beau acted like he was going to eat it and she got right back to eating... he doesn't look healthy, and I wonder if he doesn't eat often... at least he got some bites in to coax the kids.

"Bear Bear, I need to go potty," Bastian said as Beau was trying to get Genevieve to stop crying.

"Come on little man, I have to go too," Phil said.

"Dad, take your son to the bathroom," Beau snapped.

"I don't have to go," Charlie shrugged and Beau sighed handing Genivive to him while picking up Bastian and putting him on his hip.

"Callie come on, you have to try to go," Beau said standing up and going in the wrong direction of the bathrooms.

"I'll go help him," I said as the others looked in his direction confused.

"Here, Take Eve, she might need a change, take the bag please baby girl," Charlie said and I nodded. I tried to remember how to carry a baby as I caught up with Beau.

"You're going the wrong way," I said, and Beau looked me up and down before calling down a server.

"Can we use the employee bathroom? They have an immune deficiency, and they might catch something if we go to the public restroom," Beau said, and the server... I didn't know that was a thing. "Where is Addie?"

"Adelaide? She is asleep in her stroller?"

"Go with them, I'll see if she needs to change her diaper too," He said, and I grabbed at him, but he already passed. I walked into the bathroom with the two just as dumbfounded as them, their eyes were so wide looking at me in confusion.

"Er... I'll look away, Calliope helps me with Eve," I said pulling down the diaper station, the door opened, and in came Beau. He turned on the sink and it seemed to help Bastian go right away.

"Hey... What's up with you?" I asked and he looked at me confused, he raised his eyebrows at me and looked at me with his striking big pale blue eyes... man I wish I got those instead of Dad's beady eyes... I don't know how Beau got them. There were so many questions I wanted answered but all that came out was, "Why are you mad at me?"

"Mad? What are you talking about,"

"You... we haven't talked in 8 years, you never called me," I stammered.

"You never called me either," Beau said and I guess that is true... I could have called him. "Look... I am not mad at you. I am mad at Renee and Phil,"

"Why? They haven't done anything but love you,"

"You don't know everything Bella... just drop it," Beau sighed and cleaned off the tykes and checked the baby's diapers. Before I could ask another question he was out of the door and back on the way to the table, they were packing up after paying the waitress. "Keys, I will get a head start getting them in their seats,"

Charlie looked like he was about to tell him to say goodbye to Phil and Renee first but Beau gave him a look and he gave in handing him the keys. It took me several minutes to say goodbye to Mom and Phil, trying my best not to cry.

"Ready to come home, baby girl?" Charlie asked as Mom and Phil got in a taxi, he gave me a big hug.

"Yeah, Dad... I am ready," I sighed hugging him back, he started busting out laughing.

"Did you see the look on your mother's face when Beau mentioned he had a boyfriend?" Charlie asked before laughing so hard it was silent, I started laughing with him following him to the car... I missed his laugh. Please Vote, Comment, Add to your lists, and share this story with a friend:).

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