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physicalturian · 3 years

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Why don’t you listen to me? Law x GN! Reader - Part 8

Spoilers for : Punk Hazard and Dressrosa arcs [No gender used for the reader, no physical description, everyone is +18] Words : 7073 Archive of our own Blood, exhaustion, intimacy, stupidity, innuendos, flirting If you feel like I should put more warnings, send me a DM or an ask … Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

It’s strange. It’s odd. Feelings can wake you up, weird sensations too, without there even being a contact with your body. Sometimes at night people wake up with a feeling of dread, or a chill running down their spine. Others from the lack of warmth around them, suddenly realizing they had battled with their blankets during the night.

I, however, felt watched. I was also very aware that someone was in the room with me, so I opened my eyes just a little bit to peek. I could only see shoes, but it was enough to trigger a fight or flight response in this still sleepy state.

Looking somewhere behind the person, they were sitting on the rolling chair from the desk but facing me, I focused and teleported behind them. Let’s write down this moment as the most fruitless attempt of taking someone down.

The moment I was behind them, not only did I realized it was Law, but also in a quick gesture of his hands he uttered the word “Shambles” and brought me back to the bed. He threw me the pillow with which he had shambled me, and rolled up to me with a smirk. “Are you done?”

“Do you know how creepy it is to watch someone sleep?” I whispered/yelled, still not fully in control of how my voice was going to be.

“I knocked. Three times.”

“Sure, whatever. Just don’t,” I waved my hand in front of me, “Do that again, you scared me shitless.” I said, giving him a side glance. “And saying ‘I knocked three times’ does not justify the fact that you were watching me sleep, by the way.”

“I was going to wake you up soon. I need to change your bandages, among other things.” He explained coldly, bucking his hips to bring the chair closer to the bed.

His legs were put strangely with how long they were and how low the chair was. “Maybe, elevate the seat?” I suggested with a slightly mocking smile. He threw me a glare in response before patting under the seat to finally find the lever.

This time it was good and he was almost hovering over me. “It’s useless, I’m going to stand up, I can’t do shit sitting down.” He complained, kicking the chair back. It hit the desk with a bit of strength but only enough to rattle the jars on the wooden furniture before calming down.

“Someone’s on edge, you’re not usually so tensed.”

Ignoring my words, Law told me to turn around and take off my clothes once more so that he could remove the bandages. When he did, it stuck to the wounds, but I could finally breathe properly and it was a relief. “I did not have the right lighting yesterday, but your wounds are bad.” He scolded, undoing most of the things he had done last night, saying it was shitty and he shouldn’t have done it in such a state.

“I know, I fucked up.” I mumbled, looking over my shoulder.

Then a silence.

“It’s nothing I can’t fix.” He breathed softly; his gaze ever so analytical as he redid all that he did last night. Another silence followed, then I felt his fingers graze my skin tenderly. “You should have told me the bandages were too tight.”

“I thought it was supposed to be that way, you know like, keep the blood in-“ “You also have to keep the blood flowing, you’re lucky you didn’t pass out,” He spat. “I can see the marks of all over your skin.” This time it was almost a guilty tone, but I could be wrong.

“It’s alright, I think it’s because I had to take deep breaths when we ran earlier.” I told him casually. It was strange, the tension that had been there for so long was slowly starting to fade. I believe it was because I was rested but it could have been for some other unknown reason.

I hissed throughout the whole process of Law cleaning my wounds and putting some ointment on it. Without much emotion, he handed me a part of the bandages and start working with me as we wrapped it around my torso once more. It was less tight than last time, and Law made sure to tell me to remove them in a few hours to let the wounds breathe.

He waited for me to dress back before telling me, “Hands, now.”

Right, I had a lot of other cuts all over my body. Without realizing it, I just put my hands behind my back and waited for him to start working on it until I realized what I had done. Closing my eyes for a moment, I giggled nervously. “Fuck, that’s not-“ I quickly turned around on the bed, showed my hands in front, not looking at him when I did so.

All I heard was a short huff from Law. Then he started checking everything, rolling up my sleeves to look at the cuts on my arms and cleaning them again without a word. I could feel my body heating up.

His hands were holding my arms so delicately, I wondered what it’d feel in another setting. A more intimate settings, where they’d travelled from the back of my thighs to my back, then my stomach-

“Why are you avoiding my gaze?” Law’s voice interrupted my thoughts, hearing what he’d said, I looked up from the ground and focused somewhere closer to his eyes.

“That’s not my eyes, it’s my earrings.” He sighed, moving to my other arm carefully. He wasn’t pushing, but I could feel the mood turning strange.

Maybe I could come clean? He seemed to have calmed down, maybe I could tell him why I followed him to Punk Hazard. “Maybe I’m embarrassed.” I said, looking to the side. My face was heating up more and more, my heart beating faster. I was determined to tell him.

“About the hands? Restraints is something a lot of people-“

I interrupted him with a loud exasperated sigh, “God no, not that. Please don’t mention that, let that moment disappear from your mind, please.”

“Maybe I don’t want it to.” He finished taking care of my wounds, but did not go away.

Instead, he stepped closer, towering me. His hands rose, one placed on my shoulder and the other brushing the exposed skin of my neck. “Turns out you might actually enjoy the leash in the end…” My skin was set aflame, I finally looked up and met his gaze in pure shock and surprise. Yet some part of me was delighted by that suggestion, his eyes looked at mine with something close to boredom but it wasn’t that, it was something darker.

However, it quickly disappeared, and he stepped away from me with a grunt. “Forget what I said, rest. It’ll be a while before we arrive-“

“No, no, don’t do that- Law, don’t throw it under the rug.” I said quickly before grabbing his good arm and desperately trying to have him stay, “Ask me again, please, ask me again.”

He was confused, I could see it on his face as he asked, “What?”

“Ask me why I followed you-“

“Why did you follow me to Punk Hazard, why can the rest of my crew obey a simple order but you can’t?” Okay, maybe I deserved it. Maybe I poked the bear too much, but he still said it in a quite aggressive way that almost made me bolt away and abandon my mission. But instead, I answered.

“Maybe Shachi, Penguin, Bepo and rest of the crew are not here because…” I gripped the hem of my shirt and looked off to the many cabinets in the room. Night was slowly falling and it was soon time to eat, then our shift... But I continued, “Because they don’t love you the same way I do-“

“Why would you do that?”

I covered my mouth at the incoming rejection and took a deep breath before asking him what he meant by that. “I’m your Captain-“

“Don’t you think I already know that? That’s what makes it worse! But I still wanted to make sure you were a good person…”

“Why would you love me?” He asked, stepping closer to me.

I took a step back, my legs hitting the bed and I pushed him away. “Are you really asking this? Just because you’re stubborn and grumpy doesn’t mean you’re unlovable Law. You’re also very kind, in case you didn’t notice, and you make me laugh… I just feel nice around you… serene…”

Running my hands over my face, I sat back on the bed, bringing my legs to my chest before resting my elbows on my knees as I sighed. I had to hold back my tears until this was over. “Maybe it’s for the best if I’m not in the crew anymore, at least it won’t be awkward.” I muttered.

“I have a hard time trusting people.” He stated while sitting in front of me. I hesitantly looked up, confused. “And I’m harsh. I have nightmares, I am bitter, I have goals, people around me they don’t live long because my goals are dangerous.”

Nodding, I kept my gaze on his, “You also care for people around you. You do everything for their safety. You warn everyone, of the danger, we stick around because we care about you. For someone bitter you’re very sweet with your crew,” I chuckled dryly, “And the nightmares? It’s a package deal with this life, is it not? Like you said, it’s not a kid’s game Law. We know what we signed up for.” I ran my hands over my face once more, exhaling loudly. It was relieving to have confessed, even though now I felt sad from whatever this was. Had I been rejected?

“Never run into danger ever again.” He said out of nowhere, I felt his weight next to me. He was sitting with an arm on one his knee, while the other leg dangled off the bed.

“That, I can’t promise, sorry.” I mumbled.

“You said you weren’t part of the crew anymore, but you are. You never left it, I just tried to keep you away from this.” His voice was a lot softer than it usually was, but that’s because we were alone and he did not have to pretend. He did not have to be the leader.

“You could have said so, instead of being a real ass.” I believe the nerves of having bared my feelings made me stuttered there but I ignored it.

“What would you have said if I told you to stay because I did not want you to get hurt?”

I pondered the question a moment before laughing and admitting with a tired grin, “I would have told you that I knew what I was doing and come anyway.”

“Exactly, you are very much like Mugiwara-ya just for that.” He explained with the ghost of a smile on his face.

“Ah but you get along well with him, so it’s alright, I don’t mind.” There was a short moment of silence, he turned his face slowly and looked at me with a smug smile.

“I must have a thing…” He turned around on the bed and grabbed my ankles before pulling me towards him, I almost fell forward when I lost the support under my elbows but played along. “… For impulsive idiots,” Taking off his hat, he set it next to him while still looking at me, I could see his eyes a lot better. There seemed to be a glimmer of playfulness in them that I could not get enough of.

I giggled nervously, losing all my sentence-making skills. I wanted to reply something, anything, maybe something witty even but I could feel his hands gliding from my ankles to my knees before slowly going to my thighs. A dumb, nervous, smile was painted on my face, I knew it but I couldn’t stop it. My heart was trying to jump out of my chest, I could feel it pounding rapidly, no signs of calming down. “Haha what- what do you think you’re you doing?” I managed to utter; my nervousness was too present.

“I thought you could read me like an open-book. But it seems you’re as bad at doing that, as you are at listening to my orders.” He grinned before moving one hand to my jaw. He splayed it there, angling my head as he stared down at me with what I could only describe as longing. Was this happening? Was this really happening? I parted my lips, surprised by his words then smiled, it was closer to a rictus than a smile, “Seriously, what are you doing? Law…”

A wicked smile was now displayed on his lips as he leaned in even more, his nose brushing against mine. I could feel his breath on my lips and could also smell the rubbing alcohol on his hands. I grabbed the lapel of his coat and tried to bring him closer, he chuckled and held back, his thumb caressing my cheek slowly. “Look at you, so eager-“ I was not here to play games, as he talked I tugged hard on his coat and brought his lips against mine. His hand slithered from my jaw to the back of my head where I felt his fingers thread in my hair, feeling his nails scrape against my skull sent shivers down my spine.

I’d never thought this day would happen, but I was enjoying every bit of it. He was smiling against my lips, his tongue darting out as he wordlessly asked for permission. I welcomed it with as much eagerness as him, we broke the kiss to breathe for a moment and looked at each other. His eyes were filled with lust and what I could only hope was longing or love, for I knew my eyes were filled with those. “Stay by my side, I don’t think I could bear seeing you hurt again…” He breathed sadly.

Looking at him with a bit of doubt, I whispered, “Are you… is this… can you say it please… can you say it so that I know it’s real? I don’t-“ I let out a nervous laugh, it earned me a slight frown from Law but he ghosted his lips against mine ever so lightly. “I’m in love with you.” He breathed against my lips, I shivered and muttered “Good,” Now smiling, I brought my eyes to his and said, “I’m not leaving your side if you stay by mine… dear…” I saw his face turn a different shade of red, it was the cutest sight. His lips met mine once more, this time with more passion.

My hands travelled from his coat to his stomach where I barely grazed it before gripping his hips. He hissed into the kiss, pulling away for a second, “Careful, it stills hurts,” He breathed out before going for the kiss once more, I stopped him and looked at his stomach with a frown, “Sorry, we should probably stop-“ “No, come here,” With a hand now on the small of my back and the other under one of my thighs, he brought me over his lap where I could look down at him, my knees resting on the mattress on either side of him. He was careful with his touch on my back, and while my arms still hurt, I couldn’t stop myself from letting my hands travel to his shoulders before sliding my fingers inside his messy hair.

This time I was the one to angle his head for the kiss, my fingers brushing over his earrings. He smiled smugly and pecked my lips tenderly, “You’re hurt, so I’ll let you do as you please but if it was up to me, I’d take you right now,” He whispered seductively before kissing my neck, I was giggling at first at the sensation of his beard against my skin but soon enough I was gasping and pressing his head closer to my neck. Those weren’t kisses, he was leaving hickeys all over my skin, not giving me any sign of stopping as his hands ventured under my clothes and grabbed my ass.

I moaned and rested my head against his before asking him to stop, “We should rest first, before…” “Before what? We’re just kissing, did you have something else in mind?” Seeing his sly expression, I grabbed his hat and shoved it on his face, pulling it down to cover his eyes. “Nope, nothing. Let’s head back to the others.”

Letting out an annoyed sigh, he put his cap properly and kissed my neck one last time before helping me up with him. “We won’t be alone until we arrive at Zou, are you sure you want to go back already?”

I was already turned towards the door, but I faced him once more upon hearing his subtle plea for more. “Does my Captain crave more of me?” I asked cockily, there was something empowering in knowing I had the same effect on him, he had on me. He seemed taken aback for a moment, before his expression returned to his usual scowl.

“Let’s go back then,”

I blocked his path and placed a hand on his chest before he could step forward, “Not yet, you’re right. I guess… I could use some… some you time.” I mumbled. I didn’t want to admit how much I actually wanted him, if not needed him.

I wanted to act cool and composed, but I was not yet ready to go back inside and act like nothing happened. “Some ‘me time’? I think you should be clearer,” He said with a serious expression, but I think he was being playful. I think he was saying this because I had told him the same thing earlier, but I had done my fair share of being straightforward with my feelings for today.

He hummed as if to nudge me, without doing so physically. Clearing my throat, I shrugged, “I’m not going to be all touchy and shit once we get back to them… I don’t really-“ Sighing I looked up at him, hoping he wouldn’t get mad, “I’m not into PDA okay? But I really want to be close to you right now, I,” a shaky laugh escaped from my lips as I thought of how stupid it sounded, but I continued, “I still can’t believe this is real, nor that you are alive… I could really use some more of…” I took a deep breath and sighed just as loudly, “More of your touch, I want to hold you okay? I really, really want to hold you right now.”

I heard him chuckle lightly before he put everything down on the desk once more and looked back at me with the smallest of smiles. “I’m glad we’re on the same page,” he started, pulling me closer by putting his hands on my hips. “I’m not going to be, as you say, ‘all touchy and shit’ either. Not in front of them, but I can’t promise that once we’re back with at the Polar Tang.” He continued with a content smile this time. His hands travelled from my hips to my shoulders where he wrapped his arms around me. “I think Black Leg is still cooking for now, we have a bit of time in front of us.”

I felt relieved that he did not tell me off, but also very glad that we were, as he said, on the same page. Hesitantly, I nudged his hand with mine. He laughed grabbed me gently, then led me back to the bed where he treated my wounds. “You know, you don’t have to ask to hold my hand.” He said softly once we sat down and I was glued to his side, my legs over his and my back slightly off the wall to avoid putting more pressure on the wounds. “Good to know… you can too, if you’d like.” I said with a timid smile.

There was a calming silence between us, it felt comforting. Just knowing he was there.

“You’re a lot calmer than I’ve seen you these past few days.” He remarked, patting his lap as if to invite me to come over. Chuckling, I turned him around so that we were face to face, in the length of the single bed, and nudged his legs apart to sit there while my legs were on either side of him. That way I wasn’t putting my weight on him, but on the mattress. I saw the way his cheeks lit up but did not mention it. “Well, you know, I’m only calmer because I lost a lot of blood.” I quoted him, earning a short laugh as he slithered his hands to my waist where he held me there.

“I thought you were getting shy for a second,” He smirked.

“Me? Never. Never, no, no. There’s no need to, haha…” I gripped his knees like it was an armchair when he brought them mid-way to his chest, his feet still on the ground, on each side of me.

“That would be something, considering how you were kissing me moments ago.” I never thought he’d be this cocky, I thought he’d be awkward and playing hard to get but he was having a lot of fun seeing me squirm.

“You kissed me,” I corrected. But I did not really remember who had started it, that moment was too foggy even though it made my stomach flip just from thinking about it.

He laughed so beautifully just from what I said. While it was beautiful, I looked to the side embarrassed. “You kissed me, I know because I can still remember how eager you were to-“ He started, but I interrupted him,

“We kissed, both of us, it’s a shared action, okay? Let’s not talk about it, let’s just leave it at that.” I grumbled, my face probably flaring up by now. I heard him hum, but was it in agreement? I hardly doubt that. From the look on his face, he was enjoying this. Too much.

“If I had been the one who had initiated the kiss, it would have gone like this,” Suddenly, I was pulled onto his lap once more and he was gripping my chin between his index finger and thumb. He was keeping my mouth slightly open, I tried to close it but he’d chuckled and opened it once more. I tried to stare at his hand but he tutted me and told me to look at him. “I would have kept you like this a little while, seeing how you’d react,” then he gently brushed his thumb over my lips, smiling faintly, his burning gaze was piercing mine.

His voice dropped lower, “Then I would have tested the water, like this,” he pushed his thumb inside my mouth and pulled my lower lip down, showing my teeth. My heart was beating fast, I wanted to say something, get the upper hand but I also wanted to see what he’d do. “You’re breathing unevenly, am I getting to you?” He whispered with a smug smile. I did not reply, instead I was lost on the new sensation of his free hand trailing up very slowly from my hip to side.

With as much care, he wrapped his hand around my neck. It wasn’t tight, he was barely grazing his fingers on the skin, each of his fingers dancing across my skin like butterfly wings. He slid his index and thumb back on my chin and raised it to have a better access to my neck where I heard him sigh. “Beautiful,” I looked at him from that weird angle, my eyes almost closed as I tried to keep my gaze on him. When he dipped his head, I felt his tongue on my skin and gasped, gripping his shoulder from the sudden warm sensation.

Since we had just come back from outside, his hands were just as frigid as mine but we couldn’t care less. Our warm bodies were enough for now as I was melting in his cold touch.

He left a trail of open mouth kisses on my neck, then full ones on my collarbone before gradually moving behind my earlobe where I could feel his even breath caressing my hair. I gasped at the sensation, leaning against his touch more. I was gripping his shoulders tight but did not dare move in fear of missing out on more of him. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” He whispered, his teeth scraping against my ear, the feeling of his beard joined quickly after.

I let out a breathless sound, it made him chuckle. “Suddenly so silent… I haven’t even kissed you yet.” I made a sound close to a grunt but it came out as a whine with how leaned back my head was. “I like to take my time,” he uttered against the skin of my neck once more before grazing his tender lips against it then sucking on it, leaving more marks. “Very slowly… getting you to the edge…” He hummed against my skin, his hands deftly touching the right spots.

No matter how cold it was starting to be outside, I felt like my skin was on fire. Each of his touch sparked something new. “You haven’t answered my question, perhaps I should stop-“

Looking back at him I frowned, “No,” My voice was so low I wouldn’t have been surprised if he hadn’t heard me, he grinned widely at my words and tilted my head back once more, resuming what he was doing. One of his hands gripped the back of my neck surely, it wasn’t painful but not very soft either. The other brushed over each spot after he kissed them. He took his time, and I was left, mouth open, eyes closed, enjoying every second of it.

I was not ready to tell him but I was relishing in the feeling of his hands against my skin. Part of me knew that those hands did a lot of things, not all good, and he had the power to kill me if he could. But right now, they were sending shocks coursing through my body, they were like feathers grazing my very being, they were a sinfully pleasing grip the perfect amount of pain and pleasure.

Lost in my thoughts, I had not realized he had tilted my head forward. When I slowly opened my eyes, I met his half-lidded grey ones. “Look at you, I’m barely touching you and you’re already at my mercy…” He leaned in, his nose brushing against mine just like before except this time I was drowning in his touch. Both of his hands were holding my head, splayed with his thumbs on my cheeks and the rest of his fingers behind my ears.

With his lips merely breaths away from mine, he whispered, “If I had been the first one to kiss, it would have gone like this,” then he our lips met and it was different than any previous kiss. It was wanting, longing, like two people finally meeting after years of yearning for one another’s touch, finally succumbing to that craving for intimacy. But it was also, needy and desperate, like drinking a fresh glass of water in the middle of summer, you don’t want to miss one drop, you want it all for yourself and you take it, the biggest gulps of your life. It felt refreshing in that warm summer heat, but only for that mere moment.

When we broke apart, we were both breathless. I was going to speak up, but he started kissing my cheeks, my neck, my collarbone, carefully avoiding my wounds. I chuckled and pressed my hands onto his cheeks, trying to stop him but he moved back to my neck where he kissed me again and again. This time it wasn’t lustful, nor sensual, I felt loved, my once shattered heart from seeing him falling from high above was slowly filling up with so much warmth. “Law, my god Law, let me- let me love you too, please.” I said with a chuckle, it sounded poetic but all I wanted was to kiss him as much as he was kissing me.

“We’re going to have to go back, I want to enjoy this a bit longer,” He uttered against my throat, I let my head fall back as I laughed, giving him a better access for a few seconds before pushing his head away.

“I never thought you’d be such a romantic.” I said with an embarrassed smile, he was looking at me with such a strong emotion, I had a hard time discerning which one it was. Leaning my forehead against his, I sighed and closed my eyes. “Are you sure-“ I was cut off when Law spurted, “I also thought you were dead…”

Opening my eyes, I realized what plagued his pretty eyes, it was fear. Fear and worry. I was about to ask what he meant when he continued, looking at our now intertwined hands. “Doflamingo said he had placed a bounty on your head, and if you weren’t dead by his own hands, then the civilians would have gotten you.” I frowned, gripping his hands tighter. “He showed me my vivre card. The one I had given you, at that moment I thought you were gone.” I gasped, realizing where it had disappeared. I had no clue how they took it from my pockets but now it made sense.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know how they took it, it was in my pockets the entire time-“

Law chuckled dryly, shaking his head. “He fooled us both. But now he’s defeated, I don’t want to think about him anymore. Let’s forget about it.” He said with a certain finality to his words.

While he was looking off to the side, I observed his solemn grey eyes. I did not know what to say to help him, I didn’t think he had gone through this much. Tapping my finger on his hand, I grinned when he looked back at me, a brow quirked.

“I’ll admit I kissed you first but-“ he laughed, his head hitting the wall behind him. A relieved smile on his lips, relieved and happy.

Telling him to shut up, I continued, “But, I think we should talk about you telling me you want to put a leash around my-“ “That’s a topic for when we’re back on the Polar Tang, I’m not having that discussion right now.” He said quickly as he stood up, pulling me up with him. This time I was the one who was laughing, pulling at his hand I called his name softly, “It’s pretty fun that, that’s what initiated all this-“ I gestured at the both of us.

“You know what? It is, you did ask me to stay even after that, and the hands behind your back? Maybe we should have that conversation right now.”

How could he turn the topic on me when he was the one who said the kinky shit? Letting go of his hand, I walked past him, hiding my face. “Polar Tang it is, I’m not having that discussion right now.” I imitated his tone, earning a deadpanned look from my Captain, now lover. Without further delay, we left the infirmary.

Before I could go a separate way from Law, he gently took my hand in his and stared at me.

Looking askance, I chuckled. “Is there something you’d like to say?” I asked with a small smile. Pulling me closer to him once more, he let his hand trail up my arm.

“I’m going to contact the crew,” He did not elaborate and just looked at me, so I prodded. “And you… want me to be there,” his face did not help at all, as usual he was wearing a scowl and did not say more. “Or not? Is it more of a ‘we’re alive’ kind of call or is it like, ‘coming clean to our friends that we’re dating’ kind of call.”

“I’ll tell them we’ll be arriving in a few days, knowing them they’re worried sick.” He rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his face that said he did not mind that much.

“You’re right, do you think they’ve encountered any problem on Zou?” I asked as we started walking side by side to where we could find a den den mushi. I had never seen that island, if anything it was but a legend to me, or as it was known, the ghost island.

I was surprised when we entered a room, filled with laughter and camaraderie, and Law huffed a laugh. “Do you not know about the plce? Bepo’s from Zou.”

“What? I never knew! Do you where they’re all from?! All of them?” putting a hand in front of him, I stopped him and squinted my eyes, “Do you know where I’m from?”

Law pushed my hand away and mumbled the sea I was from, surprising me once again. “Don’t act surprised, I keep track of all of my crew.”

“Right, it makes sense.”

We continued talking as we crossed the room and managed to get hold of the den den mushi. There was a bit of shoves and pushes from the commotion around as people drank and partied, but we made it through. When Law got in contact with the crew, Shachi picked up but soon after a shuffle was heard then loud whines, everyone on the other end of the line was moving and trying to talk to Law.

“I can’t handle that much noise, I’ll let you check up on them, alright?” I leaned over to tell Law, he nodded but before I could go, I heard our crew asking if they heard right, if it was me. Law told them it was me, that I was alive and he took care of my wounds which only brought more worry.

Questions were shot from each and every one of them, like asking what had happened, where we were, how was Law. But the one I heard was, Bepo asking Law if he had told me yet. What was he supposed to have told me? I didn’t know but it definitely piqued my interests. So, I decided to stay and pulled up a seat to sit next to Law with a huge grin.

Mouthing I asked, “Tell me what?”. He scowled and turned around, replying to all of their questions and calming their worries. It took a bit of time, but when he thought he was done, Bepo asked the question again. And Law grunted in response.

“Captain! You have to come clean. It can only go well!” I heard the polar bear say, his statement was backed up by the rest of the crew.

Bringing the den den mushi closer to his mouth, Law mumbled something.

Cheers erupted from the device, “Good! It was painful, Shachi you owe me, I knew they both couldn’t be that stupid.” I heard Penguin say.

Giving my Captain a curious look, I noticed his flustered expression and smiled back timidly. Why did it feel so nice? Part of me knew the crew would accept it, and yet hearing them supporting us took a weight off my chest. Or perhaps was it, relief from having carried this crush for so long? Whichever it was, it felt nice, and I could probably sleep tight tonight.

When Law was about to hang up, Penguin asked if I was still there. I contemplated telling them nothing, but instead I shuffled closer to the scowling man and peeked over his shoulder. “I’m still here-“ “Now you can finally admit you just couldn’t bear being separated from your true love instead of using Bepo as an ex-“ He was being overdramatic and clearly teasing me, yet I fell for it and grabbed the den den mushi, cutting the conversation short before putting it down on the table with too much force.

There would have been a silent if it hadn’t been for the hubbub in the background. “I’ll give them all a beating when we see them again.” I huffed, looking at Law for the first time since I hung up on the whole crew. He was leaning against the wall with a knowing smirk, it made me feel funny inside but I ignored it and gesture at him with my chin. “What?”

“Nothing.” He replied.

“Go ahead, tell me, you look arrogant and I-“ I was going to say I hated it but, who was I kidding? It was hot. “And I want to smack that smug smile off your face.”

“We both know I’d win in a fist fight, even more so in the state you’re in.” He said casually while making his way towards me, his stride slow and deliberate. When he reached me, he did not touch me, instead he leaned in and whispered right next to my ear, “Not that I couldn’t win if you weren’t in that state, you’d submit anyway.” He huffed a laugh, his breath hitting my burning skin.

When he pulled away, I stared at him, mouth agape. Had he really said that? “I- you- no? Maybe? I don’t know, I wasn’t planning on fighting you, so…” I trailed off, feeling stupid for ruining the mood but I could still save it. I wanted to see how far I could take it. Maybe test the water and flirt back, like he did moments ago.

Before I could speak, the cook appeared by the doorway and called everyone to eat. Throwing one last glance at Law, I said, “This isn’t over,”

“I hope not, I like what I started.” He stated, ruffling my hair before walking away with the ghost of a smile on his face. “And since I’m the one who started it, you’ll have to come back to me with a more satisfying answer. You seemed to be struggling there… maybe with time you’ll find back the ability to talk.”

I had no idea what he had started, but wherever this was leading us, I knew nothing was going to happen on this ship and I would probably go crazy from the waiting. But it was worth the wait, I had waited long enough to be honest with him and myself, I think waiting was now a skill I had mastered.

For now, I’d have to play it off. Play is casual, no matter how much I wanted to walk by his side and be close to him. It was strange, I always thought it was because I was worried about him but now I knew I simply wanted to be by his side and bathe in the serenity of his presence. For someone so dangerous, he had a calming aura that I could not get enough of.

“Are you going to keep staring or are you coming?” I heard Law’s voice by the door. Everyone had left, but him. He stood there, his coat ruined, his body wrapped in bandages, his sword in hand. And yet, he was smiling. But only for me.

“Well, maybe I’m enjoying the view?” I teased while making my way towards him. I could help but notice the slight change of colour on his cheeks, but he hid is well enough behind his sudden scowl. “Come on,” his hand grabbed mine, our fingers intertwining. “You need to eat if you want to heal up.”

Looking down at our hands, my stomach twisted in a strange knot. While I said I didn’t want PDA, holding hands felt nice, it felt reassuring. Perhaps this I could handle, why should I care what the rest of them thought? “You sure you want to hold hands?” I asked him when I remembered he was just as apprehending of being public about our affection.

“If I let you go, you’ll probably get lost and wounded, one way or another. I’m okay with this as long as you are.” He said in an off-handed way. But I knew it was not about me getting lost, he wanted this as much as I did. I squeezed his hand tighter and hummed. “Yeah, I’m good. I’ll flaunt you-“

“Don’t, just don’t.”

“What, you don’t want to be my trophy husband?” I said playfully as we started walking towards the kitchen.

His only reply was a deadly glare which only made me laugh, “Kidding, I won’t say anything promised.” I trailed off. “But I’ll be thinking it very loudly, because I get to be with the Surgeon of Death and that’s kind of hot.” It earned me a choking reaction from the Warlord who only gave me a side glance before looking away, slightly flustered.

I could get used to getting him to blush and be embarrassed, the side flirting seemed to be more effective than my pitiful attempt at straight-forward flirting and I took note of that.

When I started this impulsive approach, this stupid and rash action of following him to Punk Hazard I never thought it’d end up like this. But now I could say without an ounce of doubt that I did not regret it one bit. Sure, I got yelled at a lot and maybe I got more trauma than I thought I’d get but it turned out pretty well.

Our adventure was not at its end, we had a long way to go to defeat the Warlords and I was ready for it, as long as I was by Law’s side and I had my family with me.

“Hey, I’m glad I didn’t listen to you when you told me to go back to the Polar Tang the first time.” I told Law before we entered the kitchen.

“I can’t say I am, but I suppose it’s not that bad you did not listen to me… just this time. You better follow my orders next time, or I’ll chain you to the ship and leave you there.” He grunted. His thumb brushing over the back of my hand balanced his emotionless words. “Aye aye Captain.” I said teasingly, earning a shove from him.

It’ll be alright, I thought, content.

----------

A/N Mmmm the end! For now, I like to leave it open, maybe I'll have another idea in that time line that I'll add as a new work in that series!

My whole goal was to get them to confess, hence the shortness of the story but yeah! I hope you enjoyed it.

Do come in my ask or DM’s to tell me you enjoyed it, or not! Or give feedback or said you liked some things, I am taking it all!

#trafalgardwaterlaw #trafalgar one piece #one piece trafalgar law #trafalgar law #trafalgar law x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #op x reader #law one piece #One piece law #Law x gn reader #law x reader #why don't you listen to me #wdyltm #physicalturian #ao3 #ao3 writer #fanfiction #writings

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boop-le-snoot · 4 years

Text

PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 3

Rating: Explicit.

‼️TW: Reader is EIGHTEEN! Recreational drug use, smoking and alcohol consumption, deeply internalised self-loathing, very questionable moral standards. Daddy kink taken half-seriously. BDSM themes in later chapters - explicit content will come with it’s own TWs. FIRST PERSON POV.

Summary: You’re Peter’s classmate, a child of rich and famous but uncaring parents. Getting paired up for a lengthy project with the boy was an interesting turn of events and you don’t know whether to feel blessed or cursed when you develop, seemingly, a perfectly normal, harmless crush on Tony Stark. Fueled by feelings of inadequacy and boredom, your life spirals out of control - and you’re lucky your newfound friends are there to pick up the pieces even if you cannot find it in yourself to believe these amazing human (and not so human) beings voluntarily give you more than a fleeting glance and an offhanded thought. And they brought cake!

A/N: Peter always unapologetically stealing all the uwus. It’s the MCU law, sorry, didn’t make it. Tony Stark can ✨rail me✨. Enjoy, deviants.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet

Beta read by the lovely and patient @miscmarvelwritings ! She deserves THE WORLD! I’m not kidding. Please visit her and show her some love, my homegirl is stressed 💖✨

I didn’t see Bruce nor Tony for a week. The doctor was away on some science conference (he sent me one dorky selfie next to a whiteboard full of barely intelligible equations as proof), Tony was in California, having some sort of a board meeting. How do I know? Peter, out of lack of better things to do, constantly texted me updates on his science patron’s whereabouts and what-abouts.

In times like these, it took me for a loop - I was on a first name basis with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. In the beginning, I was intimidated - I avoided them both like the plague and tinkered in the lab with headphones on whenever I could, until Tony made a comment so snarky I couldn’t resist joking back. That’s not to say Bruce was a social butterfly, but even he gave into my tomfoolery after seeing me stand calmly throughout several of Tony’s hissy fits.

What amazed me even more so was that despite Tony being literally an insufferable little brat, I still longed after him. Sure, the man was hot as hell - but his physical traits were much less significant when it came to my feelings towards him than the amount of sheer drive and willpower he possessed. He was stubborn - that’s another trait we shared - and unapologetically himself in every damn situation.

I could write poetry about the million expressions in his face, about the shine in his eyes.

But I won’t. He’s a technical guru. Ever since I started hanging around the tower, I became much more conscious about what I posted online. Not to say I had a Stark fan blog or anything, but I’d stopped scrolling through the tag, even if I didn’t actually click on any articles. I dutifully reblogged pictures of Tom Ellis instead - while he was a very fine, distinguished man, he wasn’t Tony Stark. I enjoyed looking at the first and enjoyed being around the other. And even though my feed still had the occasional “I love arm” shitpost, I focused on aesthetic pictures and quotes instead - things I had an active internet presence for.

My personal life wasn’t very interesting. I didn’t have any close friends and any and all sex I’ve had was just a bunch of one night stands, fueled by alcohol, selfish lust and the occasional joint. Despite having a fair share of kind, generous lovers, the morning after left me feeling a little bit emptier every time. I thought about getting a boyfriend or something… But quickly became totally clueless as to where I could find one. Men under twenty-five could barely hold my interest long enough to have a casual chat and I wasn’t naive enough to think there were a lot of honest, well-intentioned thirty-somethings that wanted to date my high school ass.

Peter had a crush on me, I knew that. The boy developed one or another kind of feelings for anybody who showed him the tiniest bit of kindness and it alarmed me. In any other case I would have bailed on him, gently, of course, to spare him the disappointment but my selfishness got in the way. I regretted it every day. A wave of desperation rose in me every time I thought about moving on without seeing Tony or Bruce, without Peter shyly smiling at me as he explained how the things he created worked. A faint hope that one day, his schoolboy puppy love will grow into a brotherly kind of regard was the only thing that kept me afloat in my sea of guilt.

As the Fall rolled around, so did my gloomy mood. It was hard to be sad when the sun was shining and the birds were chirping outside, but with clouds hanging over the city like a lead curtain, the bottled up negativity rose to the surface uninvited. Mother had returned from her business trip, adding an uncomfortable, hollow sort of chill to the house wherever she stood. I don’t know what was worse - the hours we spent in one room ignoring each other or the immaculately structured questions she asked me about my studies and extra-curriculars. Mother didn’t ask me about my friends, or my feelings or any of the other things a mother was supposed to give a damn about.

I was an asset to her company and that was that. If you would have asked her, she would tell you I’m old enough for her to mind her own business - which was technically true. Yet according to her, I’ve been old enough since seventh grade. My dad answered his messages sporadically, sometimes with a two-word answer and sometimes with a cocaine and booze fueled rant eleven texts long. I felt sorry for him. I really did.

My phone was blowing up. Party invitations, likes from people I saw once or twice (“oh my god, you’re, like, so hot, what’s your Insta”), DMs from guys looking to score an easy piece of ass. I never answered. If I wanted to party, I just sort of showed up and everybody went along with it. I took care of my appearance and it showed - never once was I turned away from a party. Everyone wanted to dance, to share their drinks, to light up and get faded together and fade into the city, into the cold air and grey sky.

Skirt swaying and top clinging to my chest, I danced. The sweaty, heated bodies around me did the same. Not one of us cared, it was a Tuesday night and the place packed way too many people. An arm snaked around my waist, startling me. I had to begrudgingly crack open an eye to see the bastard in the dimly lit room.

“I saw you at the bar, you looked bored. Maybe you need something to cheer you up?”

So not a creepy rapist. Just your friendly neighborhood drug dealer. At house parties like these, there was always The Guy. He never danced, he sipped on the same drink all night yet always looked like he was having the time of his life. I was no stranger to the occasional joint, or even something more stimulating…

“I got the good stuff, sweetums, you’ll be fine and dandy in no time.”

Eh, what the hell. I inconspicuously danced with the guy to the middle of the crowd, exchanging a few crumpled dollar notes for a baggie of two pills. In no time, I chased one down with a hastily poured Jack.

The world did become better, as the drug dealer promised. People were nicer, friendlier and I almost didn’t believe mother was a useless, stone cold bitch. I almost didn’t care that I was deeply, madly in love with a man as unreachable as Olympus. If I squinted, the guy sitting at the bar looked kind of like Tony, tan, dark hair, worn jeans and a band tee.

So I danced. I danced and I stared right at him and then we danced some more. I closed my eyes, letting his arms grab me and pull me, I let his beard scratch my neck where he sucked a mark on me, I let his rough palms choke me against a wall in one of the bedrooms on the second floor of the house. It felt good to be wanted. It felt great to be needed as he rutted inside of me, hitting that sweet spot with every twitch of his hips.

It felt lonely when he left, pressing a kiss to my forehead and saying something dumb like “Be good, kid.”. I don’t remember what exactly it was, only that I had to turn my face away from his breath that reeked like weed and vodka.

To shake off the void that made home inside of my chest, I went to the roof to get some fresh air. The house had a nice patio on it - I actually knew the owner - that hosted more plants than I’d care to count. There was an ashtray and an abandoned pack of cigarettes. I greeted the faintly blooming sunrise surrounded by a cloud of smoke, shivering in the autumn mist.

Sounds of the party became less prominent with every passing minute as people geared up to go home and get a few winks of sleep before going to work. New Yorkers weren’t really thoughtful partying on a Tuesday, but then again, neither was I. The city always was busy - even then, at the crack of dawn, the dull throb of a bassline was rudely interrupted by a blaring car alarm followed by dogs barking in aggravation.

The more I sat there, the bleaker everything became. I had enough common sense to know I was just coming off the drug but for once, I had been happy and content for several hours without a care in the world. It had been too long since I felt that way and what’s a little low after a good high?

Mother left for her early conference at five AM sharp, I entered my house at five-thirty, making a beeline in the shower and immediately dumping my alcohol and cigarette soaked clothes into the wash with the smelliest detergent I could find. I gave similar treatment to my body and my hair, using the chemically-smelling products on my body and on my hair, brushing my teeth multiple times.

By the time I was leaving for school, only a faint smell lingered in the air where I’d previously entered, so I set the air freshener to automatically spray the obnoxious mist every ten minutes. Mother gets home at twelve for lunch, that should be more than enough time for any remnants of my partying to disappear into the lilac and lavender fumes.

The Valium I’d popped to deal with the aftermath of Molly made my brain sluggish. One look in the mirror and I hastily put my sunglasses on - the ashen colour of my face and the slightly crazed look wasn’t very complimentary to my complexion. The teacher didn’t give a damn. I stared blankly ahead of me for most part of first period.

“What happened to you? You look like hell!” Peter’s exclamation, while usually would’ve alarmed me, barely made a dent in my stupor.

“I feel like shit, too,” Admit what you can’t deny. Deny what you can’t admit. “I didn’t get any sleep. Like, at all.”

Peter frowned, the crease between his eyebrows growing deeper with every passing second. I flinched when his hand tentatively touched my forehead - the pounding in my temples slowed to a dull throbbing but it was still unpleasant when someone was all up in my space.

“Jesus, you’re as cold as a corpse. Maybe you should go see the nurse,” His worry bled into me too. Like hell I was going to the school nurse! They were specifically trained to recognize the signs of substance abuse.

“I’ll head home straight after school, I think we’ll have to skip our sciencing,” No way also I’d be letting Tony and Bruce see me like this. Oh my God, I was a mess. “Mother’s home.” I added. Even the emotional frostbite I’d get from being around her was more tolerable than being a downer for Peter and Tony.

Peter’s face immediately softened in sympathy. He knew almost everything about my relationship with my family, including him actually seeing my mother that one time. He told me she gave him the creeps and I don’t blame him at all. The stoicism that was required for her work made my mother an unbearable person to exist around outside of her fancy office on the top floor of a glass high-rise building.

“Okay, but promise to text me if it gets worse. You might have caught the autumn bug that’s been going around,” He obviously said the last part to calm himself down. Sweet little Peter, naïve child. I solemnly nodded nonetheless.

When I got home, I went straight to bed. Tony was being Tony, as usual, but in a strangely kind way. I suppose it should’ve made me feel better and it kind of did, but then it went downhill from there. I couldn’t explain why I started crying. I bawled my eyes out at how unfair this god-damned world was and when the doorbell rang… Let’s say, the delivery boy hightailed it out of there once the bag of takeout was deposited into my arms. I looked and felt ghastly.

I ate as much as I could and dropped into a restless nap, drifting in and out of sleep with exhausted exasperation. There had not been a time where I felt so low after popping a pill and I was equal parts alarmed and satisfied. For one, the drug dealer didn’t lie like they usually do - the stuff was good and I still had the other pill hidden away in a bottle of painkillers, inconspicuously mixed with other white pills but shape distinctive enough for me to recognize should I have need in taking it again.

The thought of well, taking it again, was fleeting. I had school tomorrow and a missed science bender to make up for. A few buzzes of my phone later, I felt happier. Better. Not so down anymore. I meant every word that I said - Bruce was very precious, kind and gentle. And so, warm and soft. And totally kissable.

Well, fuck. What do I do now?

#bun writes #party favours #tony stark x reader #tony stark x y/n #bruce banner x y/n #bruce banner x reader #stephen strange x reader #Stephen Strange x y/n #I've already got a room in Hell y'all welcome to book one nearby

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sparklingchan · 4 years

Text

Dancing with a Stranger || Lee Minho (Stray Kids)

Pairing : Reader (fem.) x Lee Know

Word count: 6k+

Warnings: Cuss words, mentions of alcohol, mentions of a break up, slight violence and blood (its nothing intense, I swear) ,suggestive towards the end, not proof read.

Genre: Angst , fluff, boyfriend AU , break up - make up AU.

Description : Lee Minho is the best boyfriend you could have ever asked for but when you end up doing the only thing he had begged you not to do, things start going downhill.

Author’s Note: I KNOW I SAID I’LL POST THIS ON MY BIRTHDAY but I am an impatient person and I really wanted everyone to read this asap :( This imagine is one of my personal favorites and like Boyfriend!Minho really hits different, won’t you agree? (Reposting because tumblr decided to be a bitch and not show up my fic in the tags? It’s 2 AM and I’m legit crying?? I was so excited about this) Yeh le @chogiwow !

Please do reblog, like and send in your views about this fic. I’m always happy to receive DMs and asks!

Enjoy!

It is really funny how a crowded, happening place like your college corridor turns into a cold ,eerie location of some prospective gruesome crimes by sun down. But then again , if you really think about it , maybe it’s not much of a ‘prospect’ at all.

Your knuckles start stinging first ,spreading then to your palm and the rest of your arm.

And the horrifying yet unavoidable realization finally dawns on you - you shouldn’t have punched your professor’s daughter.

“Y-you! You bitch! How dare you touch me?” She has this annoyingly loud voice that pierces through the tense air like a bullet. The prettiest girl on campus , the nicest of them all, the most desirable , but anyone who sees her right now, would be convinced she is neither of those things. Excluding you , of course , because you always knew how double faced and rude she was behind the mask of a pure princess.

“You should have kept your mouth shut then, Anya.” You say , hoping that the girl in front of you doesn’t notice the sudden fear in your voice that has replaced your authoritative tone from before.

But you can’t back off now.

Anya stumbles back with her mouth wide open , clutching her jaw as she curses under her breath , “My mother will hear about this ! I will get you expelled !”

“Oh yeah? Try me and the only thing your mother will hear about is what you and our lovely class president John do in the basement when she isn’t home.” You shoot back. You mentally want to slap yourself for that sharp tongue of yours that refuses to stop any time sooner. You had always wished that you’d gotten your father’s gentleness but sadly , you were the fateful heir of your mother’s roughness.

Anya doesn’t reply , instead , she throws herself at you , pushing you harshly against the lockers .And it is not long before her balled fists find a way to your nose , punching so hard that you literally feel the blood dripping down your face. You are so glad that all the students and staff have already gone home , you’d have hated for anyone to witness this.

“You will never lay your filthy hands on me again, y/l/n. ” she wraps her left hand around your throat while the other one pulls your hair with the strength of a bull. You scream in pain. Your body goes limp for a second - not from pain but from fear , but you realise it’s too late now. You should have thought about your fears before punching Anya.

Now all you can do is save yourself and escape.

The numbing pain from your scalp spreads through your head , going down your face and then attacking your throat. It gets harder to breathe.

“I’ll tell you what , Anya , you deserved it. You deserved all of it. ” you croak , “I told you to stop spreading filthy rumours about my cousin but you didn’t stop , I told you to stop bothering me but you didn’t listen. And now you’ve gone as far as spreading bullshit about my boyfriend who you’ve never even met ! I hate to break this to you but all of this is not going to make your trash personality any cooler. ”

Anya yelps with anger , increasing the grip on your throat and hair as you kick your legs helplessly, coughing .

“Shut up, y/l/n .” She growls , “ and as a matter of fact, Your boyfriend is just a mere dancer , how funny. An A-grade college student dating a poor street dancer. What happened , y/n, ran out of good guys for yourself?”

You want to yell at her and tell her that Minho is anything but a mere street dancer . He’s an amazingly talented artist who loves expressing himself through dancing , he’s a hardworking and honest person who is part of the country’s biggest dancing crew , and he’s your safe place , your home , your everything and god save anyone who dare hurt him.

But you bite your tongue this time.

“What now? Afraid ?” Anya raises her eyebrow, her lips curving into an ugly, sadistic smile.

You hate that smile.

You use one of your free hands to grab her hair while the other one slams hard against her jaw.

“Shit.” She mutters , falling back into the hallway.

But you’re not done yet.

You walk toward her with furious eyes and balled fists , and it isn’t long before she lands on the floor on her butt with a bloody nose and a black eye.

“Keep your mouth shut or you’ll end up on a hospital bed next time. In a coma. ” you spit out those words while she holds her tears back, face caked with humiliation.

Then you turn on your heels and walk out of the stupid college campus which would yet again be filled with more bullies by tomorrow morning, just like it has for centuries.

The dorm in which Minho lives almost always smells like freshly baked cookies ( courtesy: Lee Felix) and on rare occasions, it smells like burnt pancakes ( also courtesy: Lee Felix). Today , it smells like the former and you sigh in relief.

“Oh , my god ,y/n. What happened?” Changbin opens the door after you knock thrice , “Minho, dude, Come out , y/n is here!”

You shuffle into their big living room , head hanging low and eyes avoiding all sorts of confrontation , afraid of having to explain your stupid behavior.

“Y/n?” Minho sucks in a deep breath at your sorry sight , his eyes glazed with dread and fear as he walks toward you, ”Oh god, what happened?”

He swiftly takes out a handkerchief from his pockets , pressing it against your bleeding nose. His eyes are glossy with fear.

“I-it’s nothing. I fell down the stairs.” You lie. Can he please shut up and hug you already? You hate his questions so much , especially when you just can’t answer him.

“Y/n , that is not what a fall looks like. I’m not stupid. Whom did you beat up this time?” He asks , crossing his arms across his chest. And you really do almost blurt out the truth because it’s that easy for you to open up to him and because he knows you like no one else does. You’ve dated him long enough for him to know you like the back of his own hand. And that sometimes gets you in so much trouble. Lying to him is a near impossible task.

“Y/n, look at me!” He says , slightly annoyed now. He touches your chin gently, coaxing you to look at him but you’re too afraid to face him right now. Too guilty. So you shrug him off and walk into his shared room with Hyunjin, a homely feeling enveloping you almost instantly.

“Y/n, don’t you dare ignore me.”

Ugh. He can be so nosy at times.

“I came here for comfort , not for an interrogation. ” you pout , plopping down on the bed.

Minho scoffs , closing the door behind him. He wears a loose black t-shirt with a pair of shorts , and he smells like the expensive shampoo you had bought for him a few months ago ,which he initially refused to take but now loves it. He looks so good and smells so good and suddenly all you want to do is cuddle him and talk about his day, with his Winnie The Pooh blanket draped around your bodies.

“You aren’t getting any comfort till you tell me what happened.” He says . He stands with his back against the door , and stares at you as if you were a criminal. Maybe you were one ,but that doesn’t mean he’ll hate you or something ,right?

“Did you hit the professor’s daughter?” He asks when you don’t answer even after two whole minutes. Your stomach does a somersault, adrenaline coursing through your veins. You regret telling him about Anya a few weeks ago and you specifically saying that you’d one day ’ punch her brains out ’. You wish you’d shut up sometimes.

You play with your fingers, staring at your feet. You can’t look him in the eye anymore , not when you did the exact (and only) thing he had asked you not to do. You feel horribly guilty.

“Well in my defense, she was being a bitch ,okay? She was calling you a good for nothing dancer and ugly and underqualified and - ” you sigh , “ My point is, I couldn’t bear listening to all that, okay?” You admit , cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Minho doesn’t answer, very unusual of him by the way, and you snap your head to look at him.

The eyes that had once held concern and fear for your well being now are clouded with disappointment . He’s mad at you.

“She’s not wrong though. I am a good for nothing dancer, I go to a stupid cyber college. Nothing worth fighting over. Why the fuck did you put yourself in danger like that!” And he’s yelling now , his relaxed posture from before now replaced with a tensed one. You notice his clenched fists and teeth ,and you shudder with fear. He is furious. But at what? You don’t really know.

“Are you seriously justifying her actions? Minho, she can’t talk shit about you. I will not let her do that! ” You yell back ,getting up from the bed , “She doesn’t even know you!”

“Which is exactly why her opinions on my lifestyle do not matter ! And you don’t have to just go around acting like my bodyguard all the time!” He says.

Your heart drops, brows furrowed in confusion at his words that feel like a dagger is plunged into your heart.

You walk up to him, trying to take his hand in yours but he extracts it right back. “I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t thinking. You know how crazy I get when I’m angry.”

“A ’ sorry ’ doesn’t suffice it. The damage is already done. And if tomorrow, you are thrown out of the university, who’s fault would it be? ” he presses his hand to his face, trying to calm himself down , “I can’t believe I am dating such an immature woman ,y /n. Grow the fuck up, will you?” He says , his anger filled eyes staring right into your soul . Your heart breaks into millions of small pieces , as your breath hitches in your throat. He had never said something so harsh to you in the many years that you’ve dated him and you really wish he hadn’t done it today either because you realise you’re not very good at handling hurtful words, especially from Minho. At all.

“Minho , I know you’re angry - ”

“Leave.” The world stops spinning for a second , your eyes widening with shock, “Go home. Don’t come back again.”

You want to cry but tears seemed to have given up on you too , his words striking you harder than any of Anya’s punches ever did. All your feelings seem to have converted into a much worse state of numbness when those words leave his mouth.

“Y-you are not breaking up with me, right?” Your usually loud voice comes out as a whisper.

“I am. Go, please. I don’t want to see you right now.” He opens the room door for you to exit, his eyes never meeting yours. His lower lip is caught between his teeth, a sign that he’s about to tear up yet you don’t know if he wants too be comforted by you right now, or ever. So picking up the remaining pieces of your damaged heart , you walk out of the room , stopping only to glance over at him one last time , in hopes that he’d change his mind. But no, his angry demeanor is still there , strong and tough and unbreakable.

And when you finally leave , Minho is grateful that Hyunjin wasn’t home - for he would have hated to cry in front of his roommate.

The bright neon sign with ’ Kim’s Restaurant ’ written on it shines in the distance , blurred only by the tears in your eyes and not by the tiny droplets of water slowly falling from the sky.

You feel a soft blanket of comfort draping over you when you walk toward the familiar building.

Your aunt and uncle have worked hard to build a proper business from a small shop that had once just sold fried chicken and cold drinks ; and it makes you so happy to see their new restaurant still packed with people this late in the evening.

“Oh , y/n. I was just about to call you. Did you not go to your dorm yet? ” your aunt asks from the reception desk , chewing her favorite gum and typing aggressively into the computer.

“I stayed back today. Project work.” You lie. Your aunt lifts up her head , her eyebrows knitted together and a suspicious scowl gracing her face , almost mimicking your mother. Your mom and your aunt are twin sisters , born just three minutes apart , and since then it has become your mom’s life mission to remind your aunt of the whooping three minute gap every chance she gets. It’s hilarious, really.

“Don’t make that face at me. You look exactly like mom.” You mutter , leaning against the wooden desk.

“I do look exactly like your mom , y/n. ” she replies with a chuckle, “Anyway, what’s going on? You look tired.”

Honestly, you’d love to talk about Minho and the impulsive breakup and the aching in your heart with your aunt because there’s no better person to seek advice from, but you don’t feel it right to burden her when she’s working plus a part of you doesn’t really trust your aunt to keep all the secrets to herself.

“No, I’m okay. Just mid college crisis.” you say.

Your aunt hums in response, probably not buying it but you’re happy she doesn’t push it anymore, “ Are you hungry? Want something to eat?”

A bag of fries with a bucket full of chicken wings sounds terribly tempting right now but you’ve lost all your appetite for the day the moment Minho closed the door behind you. Now all you feel is drained, tired, sad. Moreover, that is not what you were here for, “Nah, I’m good. Is Yugyeom home though?”

The door to your aunt’s house opens only after you ring the stupid bell at least three times , as you stand on the porch, judging the loud music that blasts from within the walls. “Wow , you look like shit.” Yugyeom always has some snarky comments up his sleeve but you are in no mood to be playing word games with him right now. You barge into the house , pushing past your cousin who you smells like donuts and Axe.

“Shut up.” You say, plopping down on his bed . You really want to cry right now but Yugyeom has never been big on consoling so you try to hold it in .

“What’s wrong? I’m not joking.” He sits beside you, putting down his gaming console on the table by the bed.

You play with your fingers , breathing in and out to calm your nerves. Yugyeom, out of all the people in the world , is the easiest to talk to but today , you find yourself on the edge , trying to be very careful with your choice of words. Maybe you were afraid of angering him as well.

“I..I kind of beat Anya up.” You confess ,swallowing the lump in your throat.

Yugyeom becomes still for a moment , staring at you with his mouth gaping and then his face breaks into the widest grin in the world.

“You really beat that bitch up? Like for real?” He asks , excitedly bro fisting the air like an athlete after winning an important match.

You nod , “And then I went to see Minho. He obviously didn’t react the way you did. He was very angry and then he broke up with me. ”

Yugyeom’s celebrations are short lived as you continue to tell him the details of what had happened earlier, his smile slowly dissolving into a frown.

“Y/n, first of all you really need to learn how to break news to other people. It’s always the bad one first and then the good one. Noob.” Yugyeom bumps his shoulder softly to yours. You would otherwise have argued with him and told him why the happy news should always be first and why the bad news should be last but you feel too exhausted to speak anymore. Your shoulders slump as you put your hands on either side of your head.

“How could he just break up with me like that? He had no logical reason to! He’s so selfish.” You mutter , tears gathering up in your eyes. You try to blink them away before your cousin notices them.

“I don’t think he did it for himself , y/n. You told him that you hit Anya because she was speaking trash about him. Of course he’d distance himself from you so you wouldn’t want to fight his fights for him.” Yugyeom says.

“I wasn’t fighting his fights! She trash talks about you and me and him and everyone else. It was the last straw for me. I didn’t do anything wrong. ” you explain , your heart hammering against your chest.

“I didn’t say what you did was wrong ,y/n. You have a right to be angry with her. But what we’re talking about is Minho. Think about this from his point of view,” Yugyeom replies, his hands on your shoulders , “You beat Anya up , got hurt and possibly put yourself in trouble with her mother all because of him. He feels guilty.” Yugyeom is speaking to you like he’s speaking in one of those debates that he does at college. You love seeing him speak, mostly because he is so manipulative yet subtle , smart yet observant and he can convince you so easily. He could easily pass as the best debater in your college - too bad you’d already taken that place.

“Or it could be because he doesn’t want more trouble in his account. Maybe he’s ashamed of me. ” you whisper, “ And I told you, I didn’t do it just for him. I did it for me and you too and all those people she bullies and makes fun of. Why is he the only one reacting like this? ”

Yugyeom sighs, “Yes , I appreciate your concern for my well being, y/n. But he might not be thinking the same way as I am. I was happy that you beat Anya up , but he was worried about you. He obviously doesn’t want you to get badly hurt.”

You rub the tears that flow down your face with the heel of your hand then place your head on Yugyeom ’s shoulder.

“He might have fallen out of love with me. Maybe he just needed an excuse to call it off.” You mutter.

“You know Minho’s better than that, y/n.”

He’s right . Minho really is better than that.

Break ups suck. In the truest sense. But what you now realize is that break ups don’t hurt that much immediately, but slowly , as the days go by and the memories start flashing in front of your eyes every waking moment , you feel like nothing more than a sack of meat and bones, drained of all emotions.

“For this unit of organic chemistry, I need all of you to memorise the reaction mechanisms over the weekend.” Your professor’s voice feels distant to you , as if there were a wall in between the two of you , even though he stands just a few steps away.

Your classmates start murmuring among themselves, fixing study dates that almost always are unsuccessful and gathering notes they hadn’t bothered to complete until now. But you remain seated in your chair , staring out the window, not bothering to talk to anyone.

It is a bright sunny afternoon and you see all the happy faces out on the field - couples, friends , classmates. You feel jealous. You clearly remember planning a weekend trip with Minho a few days ago and If you hadn’t decided to mess things up so bad, he’d have already been at your college gate by now , waiting in his father’s old car. You clearly remember how excited he was about the trip.

The dismissal bell rings not long after and as you walk out of the college gate, surrounded by thousands of students, you feel lonelier as ever. And your mind imagines his car below the tall banyan tree , his lean frame leaning against the door with a silly grin. You could almost see him there. Even though its just in your mind.

You miss him so much that it gets hard for you to even breathe properly.

“Okay , how long are we going to stay here? I have better things to do than stalk your girlfriend, Lee.” Changbin’s whiny voice breaks the silence in Minho’s car, much to his annoyance.

“Just a few more minutes. Till she reaches the dorm.” Minho replies , his hand limp on the steering wheel and his lips pressed in a tense line.

His eyes are focused on you , your slump shoulders and your unusually slow walk and the dark circles under your eyes. It is obvious that Minho wasn’t the only one having sleepless nights .

“Dude , why don’t you just talk to her? I’m sure she would listen.” Hyunjin says from the backseat , munching on peanuts, “ Plus I think she saw us.”

Minho watches as you turn around a corner and walk toward your dorm building , away from him. He almost wishes you’d seen him.

“It’s not that easy.” Minho mutters, turning the engine on.

At least he knows you’re okay, and safe. That’s enough reassurance for him to try and move on but he somehow always ends up driving to your college gates during dismissal, the brief view of your face still making the worst of his days better.

“It’s not that easy.” He repeats to reassure himself .

“Guess what.” Yugyeom chimes in early one morning, leaning against the locker door beside yours.

“What?” You ask , not sparing him a glance. Your hands busy themselves in flipping over the pages of your notebook ; last minute revisions before tests are more important than the actual studying.

“I saw Anya this morning. She was running late , I think, and she bumped into a junior near the gate. I was sure all hell was about to break loose but she just apologized and left!” Yugyeom says , laughing.

You turn to look at him, a look of surprise plastered on your face. Anya actually did that? Instead of being her usual, defensive, violent self she actually chose to apologize? It’s hard to digest but you’re sure Yugyeom wouldn’t be making all that up. He’s not that creative.

“The sun must have risen from West today.” You reply with a chuckle.

The morning bell rings throughout the corridor, indicating the commencement of your classes. Throwing in your notebook ,you close your locker and heave a sigh. Its just a small quiz but you find yourself stressing over every single thing these days.

“Oh and by the way , it’s Jackson Wang’s birthday party tomorrow.” Yugyeom adds as the two of you start making your way towards the chemistry lab , coats hanging by your arms.

“And we’re going?” You question ,cocking your eyebrow.

Yugyeom is not really into parties , especially the over-the-top , spectacular , rich-kid parties that Jackson Wang often finds himself throwing, yet Yugyeom always goes because a) Jackson is his best friend and b) Who doesn’t like to feel like a rich man even if it’s just for one night?

“Yes. Both of us.” He says. You shrug your shoulders. You have always liked going to Jackson ’s parties and fawning over his huge mansion and the various cuisines placed in front of you that you can’t even name properly and watching other rich kids like himself play golf in the living room. It was pretty entertaining . Even with your post break up gloominess, you wouldn’t want to miss all of that.

“Okay.”

“And one more thing,” he starts ,“I saw Lee Minho outside our college gate yesterday. You might want to do something about that.”

No, unlike what was expected of you, you didn’t really do anything about it but Yugyeom’s words stick to you like a piece of gum throughout the whole day ,consuming every thought and pulling out all those thoughts that you’d stacked up and thrown away into the top most drawers of your mind. You were convinced that the day he broke up with you , he was done. He didn’t want to look back or reconsider. He wasn’t coming back to you. And you’ve been trying to move on as best as you could ,keeping your mind occupied and busy all the time. Yet you had to accept that in the wee hours of the night , staring at the ceiling ,you would often find yourself reminiscing him and whatever you two had. The gentle touches , the late night walks, shy smiles and endless talks ; you missed them.

But his presence outside the college changes the whole game, doesn’t it?

Later that day, you kind of regret agreeing to go to Jackson’s party because you soon realised that both Minho and Jackson went to the same dancing school at one point of time , and Minho probably (like a 99.9% probability because Jackson Wang never leaves anyone uninvited) was invited too.

You dread every second in Yugyeom’s stupid car that brings you one more step closer to seeing Lee Minho again. And although you would never dare say it out loud , a part of you was a little excited too.

“Dude , y/n , I have never felt so underdressed in my entire life.” Yugyeom breathes in as the car stops in front of the huge metal gates of Jackson’s mansion.

“Me neither.” You agree, your eyes glued to the people walking in and out of the doors, wearing tuxedos and dresses and sparkly jewelry. You feel horribly out of place all of a sudden, like a fish flying in the sky and a bird swimming deep under the water- you feel like you don’t belong here.

You look down at your black converse , tightly laced and washed for this very party and your loose ,dark green tshirt and ripped jeans .

“Why didn’t you tell me this was a fucking masquerade ball or soemthing?"you hiss at your cousin.

"Shut up, y/n , you’re not the only one feeling odd. ” Yugyeom shoots back

But all of that discomfort is gone the moment you see Jackson Wang sitting on the huge sofa in the living room , wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and a white tank top , drunk and wasted and blabbering.

“Let’s go before he sees us.” Yugyeom says , pushing you through the crowds of people clad in silks and pure cotton , “Drunk Jackson is difficult to handle.”

“Oh , I beg to differ , All Jacksons are difficult to handle.”

The garden behind the mansion is filled with even more people than your brain was accustomed to seeing while the DJ stands at the top of a platform , headphones on and screaming into the mic every once in a while to hype up the crowd in front of him , but you realise it’s hardly needed. People are already way too hyped up in here.

“Y/n?” You hear a voice say and you immediately turn around to face Hwang Hyunjin standing under the wonderful night sky, looking as gorgeous as ever. But then again ,when does he not look pretty?

“Hey, Hyunjin. How have you been?” You ask with a smile. Your awkward hand movements do not go unnoticed by him but he thankfully doesn’t comment on it.

“I’ve been good. How have you been ?” He replies , inching closer to you. From the corner of your eye, you see Yugyeom slowing disappearing into the crowds, leaving you all alone to deal with your ex boyfriend’s best friend. You make a mental note to never lend your Netflix account to him again.

“I’m okay, too.” You say.

Hyunjin nods, his eyes staring at you curiously, “Tell me , y/n , how have you really been? I know what happened between you and Minho.”

You gulp , heat creeping up to your cheeks.

“I’m fine, really. Don’t worry about it.” You say, biting the inside of your cheeks nervously.

“If you say so.” he grins , putting an arm around you , “But I’ll be real honest with you , Minho - ”

The words are cut off when the DJ suddenly blasts a new song through the speakers , simultaneously yelling into the mic. The sweaty, wasted , hopeless crowd around you yell a few ’ Let’s GO! ’s and ’ Fuck It Up ’s in response.

“What were you saying?” You yell over the music , pinching Hyunjin’s t-shirt to get his attention. He glances at back you then points toward his left , “That.”

You turn your head in that direction , your heart skipping a beat the moment your eyes meet Minho’s nervous ones. You see him walk towards you in long strides ,his handsome features painted with anxiousness and worry and a foreign sense of guilt. You were angry at him ,yes ,but as he makes his way to you , his silky hair bouncing softly ,his pink lips slightly parted, his starry eyes locked on you ,he looks…Brilliant? Breathtaking? Gorgeous? Stunning? All of these?

He wears a blue tshirt with black pants and has a jacket tied around his waist. He looks beautiful- even though you are mad at him. He looks way too beautiful to not acknowledge it.

And just a few seconds before he reaches you , you break away from Hyunjin’s hold and run away into the crowd.

“Y/n, wait!” You hear the both of them yell at the same time. But only one of them follows behind you and you don’t even have to look back to know who it is.

Fear and anger creep into your body , slow but painful like poison. You remember the last few days and how horrible it had been for you , all because of Minho and his lack of understanding in a moment when it was needed the most. Over the past few weeks, your ex boyfriend had made no attempts to contact you whatsoever and if he thinks he could just pop out of nowhere and start talking to you again, then he’s gravely mistaken. You might still love him and want nothing more than to hold him close , but that doesn’t mean you aren’t angry anymore . You are not ready to face him. At all.

Your feet burn as you run further away from Minho, jogging up the stairs inside the mansion with your hand tightly gripping the cold metal railing.

“Y/n, please, just listen to me once.” He yells, still not giving up.

You scoff , “Why should I? You didn’t listen to me that day either!”

You find a door at the end of the staircase, your hands pushing it to reach the empty terrace that you’d heard Jackson bragging about during your English classes when everyone was too bored to listen to the professor. The terrace really was beautiful, with all kinds of flowers blooming and a fountain with lights , you would have almost been breath taken if not for the man closing up behind you.

“Y/n, damnit, ” Minho huffs, reaching his hand out toward you, panting, “Stop, okay? Just listen to me , please.”

Not like you have an option anyway. You sigh in defeat , walking toward the fountain, the carpet grass rustling under your feet. “What?” You demand, your voice bitter with anger.

Minho stands in front of you , his brown unkempt hair and firey eyes reminding you of the night you guys had kissed for the first time. He stands at an arm’s distance, giving you enough space to think things through. He would never want to force you to do something you wouldn’t want to. And even if everything turned out to be not in his favor tonight, he’d gladly accept it because he deserved it after treating you so badly.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers after a few seconds.

You roll your eyes, “For what? What did you do? As far as I know, THE Lee Minho never makes mistakes!”

He hangs his head low with shame ; he didn’t mean a single word he’d said that night. He was worried, yes, he was very worried about your bashful attitude but he was also very grateful to you for always having his back. It physically hurt him to see you bleeding and completely worn out that day.

“Well, I did make a mistake this time. I said some words that I didn’t mean at all and I’m afraid the girl I intended those words at hates me.” He says , pressing his lips in a line.

“Damn right , she does.” You can’t even look into his eyes anymore because you’re too afraid of laying your true feelings bare in front of him.

“I’m really, really sorry, baby. I know I’m an asshole and I hurt you. I have no excuses to offer but I just want you to know that a single second more away from you will drive me crazy. ”

You process his sentences slowly - letter by letter, inking those words permanently into your memories. “Why?” You ask. What a silly question ,y/n, do you really want to torment this man so much ?

Minho gulps, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the movement, “Because you’re quite literally my everything.”

Minho only dares to grin a little when you no longer throw virtual daggers from your eyes at him. “I hate you , you know?” You say.

“I know ,y/n. I don’t even blame you. I shouldn’t have said all that. I was just so, so mad. But that really wasn’t an excuse to be so rude to you or break up. I should have talked it out instead . I deserve the hate.” He admits.

The frown on your lips dissipates slowly ,making way for a sad, small smile.

“It was so hard, Minho. You don’t even know. I had never felt so lonely in my entire life.” You say.

“Believe me, y/n, I know.” He whispers as your hands find their way to his cheeks, rubbing them ever so gently.

You scan his face, absorbing in the fact that he was actually in front of you and this wasn’t one of your unrealistic imaginations.

Minho takes not more than a half step towards you and you automatically wrap your arms around his neck , like the millions of times you’d already done before. Everything about him is so familiar yet so new. Like layers and layers to discover and only one goddamn lifetime.

He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck , mumbling soft apologies against your skin, his arms tightening around your waist with every passing second.

“I missed you so much.” You admit, playing with his beautiful brown locks, taking in the smell of his (your) favorite body wash.

“I missed you too.” He replies , “So goddamn much. I almost wanted to cuddle Hwang Hyunjin at night.”

You laugh ,as he admires the way your noes scrunches up when you giggle and the way your eyes bend into crescent moons. In that moment, Minho realises how much he loves seeing you laugh ,especially when he’s the reason behind it. It fills him up with so much pride.

You hear the DJ change the song into a slow , romantic one as his voice booms through the speakers once again , “Ladies and gentlemen, grab the person next to you, with consent of course, and hold them close for this one because tonight is all about dancing with strangers!”

The crowd goes feral.

Minho raises an eyebrow at the DJ’s words , a sly smile playing on his lips , “Shall we?”

He pulls away from the embrace, gently bowing toward you and offering you his hand like some gentleman right out of a fairytale.

“He said dancing with a stranger, not girlfriend.” You deadpan but you take his hand anyway.

He chuckles, leaning closer to rest his forehead on yours, “Technically, we’re still broken up. That makes us strangers.”

You have to give in - not because of his weird reasoning but because of how terribly cute he looks when he smiles like that at you. He holds you close, swaying slowly to the music and grinning like there’s no tomorrow.

“What’s so funny, Lee Minho?” You ask , raising your eyebrow.

He shakes his head, still grinning, “I just realised how rare it is to find a woman who would quite literally declare war for you.”

“Now, you’re exaggerating a little bit with the war thing but yes, that’s the essence of it.” You reply with a proud smile.

He laughs, as you put your hand on his cheek once again and press your lips softly to his. You’d missed this so much - not just kissing him but also this feeling of intimacy you share with him everytime you’re in a closed space, sharing the same air. You missed his teasing, his stupidly sweet laughter, the warmth of his embrace. You missed Lee Minho - your safe place, your best friend, your world.

And even after everything, you both know for sure that you would fight the world for Minho if need be, and he’d do the exact same thing for you. Every single time.

87 notes · View notes

jjpmoans · 4 years

Text

Empty Space | kyg

w.c : 9k+ words

warnings : angsts. lots and lots of angsts. cheating. slow build up.

a/n : Happy 1k followers to me! I’d like to thank everyone for following me, staying for my content and my writings. I need to improve more and I am sorry that I’ve not been active. I am still overwhelmed by the 1k followers and it is now at 1.2k followers (OMG 1.2K WHAT DO YOU GUYS FOLLOW ME FOR). Also since I wasn’t active, I figured a drabble game will have less participation from my audience so I decided to personally dm the 1000th follower and asked them what kind of fic and who does they want to be the main lead. Sooooooo, my 1000th follower @luvgyeom requested for a Yugyeom angst, then Yugyeom angst it is! It is quite long (this is my first time writing this long lmao). Please enjoy all the heartbreak. Thankyou for following me again! xoxo

Heavy steps resonate through the sidewalk, together with everyone else. Everyone is either walking home from work, probably catching up with friends or going for a movie. What they are going to do is absolutely not something Yugyeom actually cares about. However, with the things running through his head now, he’d rather wonder about a stranger’s plan rather than sort things out.

It has been sunny for a while now. The heat is bearable; at least to Yugyeom. Or probably he has lost the ability to feel because he doesn’t think he can function really well right now. He is getting nearer to the familiar street and for the n-th time of the week, he sucks in a breath to gain some strength.

He passes the first grocery and the roasted chestnut smell from the stall hits him immediately, staggering his step. It rings in his head how you would beg him to stop for some chestnut when he was struggling to hold your groceries. Even if he wanted to say no, the pout on your face will melt him completely. He’d give in, watching you skip steps joyfully towards the stall. Living close to the area has made you a regular, the old grandma will give you extra chestnuts because she thought you’re pretty.

Yugyeom thinks you are, too.

“Oh! You’re here!” like on cue, the said old woman calls him, motioning him to come closer. “I thought you had moved away! You stopped coming for weeks now!”. She quickly gathers some freshly roasted chestnuts because that’s how you like your chestnuts. Fresh.

There are reasons why Yugyeom wanted to say no whenever you stopped for chestnuts. Because he doesn’t eat them. He can’t stand the taste. Until you came. You came and suddenly roasted chestnuts became his favourite. No, actually, you’re his favourite.

He loves you. You love chestnuts. He loves chestnuts.

Yugyeom sighs, now he is adding the smell of chestnut to his ‘dislike’ list. Roasted chestnut now makes him dizzy, clouded by the memory of you. He doesn’t even want to meet someone that reminds him of you, which is why he has avoided the route several times.

However, humans have weaknesses and at times Yugyeom feels like malfunctioning without enough dosage of you. Is this what addiction tastes like? It was pure torture, haunted by countless memories which tastes bitter in his mouth but sweet in his mind. It’s like a combination of life, where Yugyeom thought you’re the one he’d spend his life with forever but it turns out you weren’t meant to be his. He was angry at you, he was trying to deny the fact that you too, have weaknesses. But at times like this, he misses you and he just wants you in his arms.

“Yugyeom?” the old grandma calls. He snaps out of his own thoughts, pulling out his wallet to pay. The grandma holds his hand instead, warmness spreads through the touch. She smiles, shaking her head. “Bring this to her. Fights are common, sweetheart. That’s how love works. But you fight for it, you don’t run away. That’s how you save your relationship.”

If it is that simple, he would have ran to your arms long ago. Where it was just a few days; probably a few hours. But it has been far too late, he has broken countless rules made when he dated you. Nonetheless, on days where he found himself in a stranger’s arms, he knew he won’t find the same love that you’ve provided him with.

Because you’re perfect.

You’re perfect and he took you for granted. He knew you were loyal so he went around flirting, cheating behind you. He knew you love him; you will never leave him. He knew sooner or later you’ll find out about him but he didn’t care less. He knew you love him too much to break up with him.

But he never knew what strength can do to a woman.

“Don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?” your voice was low, Yugyeom didn’t think he had ever heard your tone as cold as that. But he played dumb, asking you what’s wrong. “Why do you think I won’t find you sleeping around behind my back?”

Yugyeom met you when he was still someone who sleeps around. He was in a group of friends who don’t do relationships and only commit one when they’re ready to hold responsibilities. He had warned you before that he is, and will be someone who cheats because he simply can’t leave his old habit. But you stayed nonetheless, trying to get him out of his lifestyle.

And it worked. It worked out and it freaked Yugyeom out when he felt that he started changing for you. He never lingered too long whenever he was out with his friend because he was ready to go home to you. He never realised that until Jinyoung pointed it out. He never drank too much after meeting you, even though his alcohol tolerance is high because he knew you don’t like him reek of alcohol when he came home.

He learnt about you and had your personal preference memorized at the back of his hand. He knew all your likes and dislikes that it scared him when he felt the change. It threw him off the momentum and like a gear, he reversed his life to where before he met you. He never thought he’d fall in love with you and he never thought he’d change for you.

He was mad and he was scared.

The day he gave up messing around was the day you broke up with him. Yugyeom decided that the lifestyle doesn’t suit him anymore; that he loves you too much to sleep with other people. He can’t see other women without thinking about you but as life always works, you sniff things out way before he can explain.

When Yugyeom walked out of the shared apartment, he told himself he won’t regret leaving. He knew he wasn’t worth your love, your loyalty and your dedication. He knew, you can end up with someone better, someone who cherishes your love, someone who isn’t him.

“Are you good?” Youngjae nudges him with a can of beer, Yugyeom smiles in return. Never would he have thought that he would hate drinking. He refuses every drink that came his way and everyone started freaking out when they found out that you broke up with him.

“Are you fucking crazy?” Bam, was the first to curse, fist almost meeting his face. Bam, his own best friend. He was utterly disgusted, refusing to listen to Yugyeom’s explanation. “It’s good she left you. You’re fucking ungrateful, cheating on someone as angelic and as patient as her. I am embarrassed to call you my own friend.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” he replies, eyes lingering on his group of friends talking to each other, being ignorant to how the world revolves. Jinyoung told him that love works in a different way and now he wants to scoff, the elder must be proud if he knows that Yugyeom indeed, acknowledge his words now. “Just feeling empty.”

Yugyeom knows, you’re the only person that fits well in his heart. He knows that you’re the missing piece, the one that is supposed to solve the puzzle. He knows it but he can’t tell them, his friends. They won’t understand and Yugyeom doesn’t have the energy to fight again, hearing things he will just get blamed.

Nights are the most difficult of all for Yugyeom. Climbing on his bed is another story, he loathes himself whenever he starts thinking when you were once in his arms. He would snuggle you to sleep, your head on his chest while you hugged him.

Never had he thought break ups would be this torturous. Never had he thought he would be this affected; going through this phase is absolutely the worst. Never had he, Kim Yugyeom, felt this weak for a woman.

Staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, Yugyeom finds himself drawing the digit 8 with his eyes when his phone buzzes on the side table, bringing him to reality. Three in the morning, probably Jaebeom is texting him to pick them all up since he is the only sober one. So he picks the phone up, opening them to read the texts.

‘Hey.. I miss you. Can we talk?’ had Yugyeom in a panic attack, right after that an incoming call buzzes, ringing for five seconds before he picks it up.

Silence is probably the worst torture Yugyeom could feel now. It is devastating, knowing you’re on the other side, probably crying because of his stupid ass.

“Yugyeom..” your voice falters, awakens the guilt in him. “Oh god I’m so sorry. I can’t- I miss you. I’m sorry.”

Yugyeom smiles, hushing you to calm down.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Yugyeom replies. “I miss you too.”

“I know I don’t have that kind of right to tell you that.”

“But I really really miss you.”

Yugyeom knows, this will probably be the last conversation before you fully move on, leaving him behind. But he also hopes, you will at least, feel his love before totally erasing him out of your life.

Because for once, he needs you to know that only you can fill these empty spaces.

In Yugyeom’s life, he has never felt as empty as he is now. Mainly he was happy, ‘was’ is the keyword because right now, he feels nothing. Your departure brought along his entire emotion since you’re the person who’s in charge of it. You are the person whom he has dedicated all his life for. You’re the reason why he breathes everyday, looking forward to the rest of his day. Waking up to you is one of the views that sparks the light in his heart.

Cheating on you was his fault.

It was and will forever be his fault. Your departure serves as a reminder to him that he is not worthy of your love and will never be worthy of it. When you were right there by his side, he frequently hesitated to show his love towards you. People say it’s because he’s still young but he knows, he was just too egoistic to show his emotion. He never showed you off in public because he was too proud to have someone loyal by his side. He knew you were grateful enough for his affection, those where he showed them to you behind the closed doors.

However he knows, you deserve more than just being a trophy girlfriend. You are brilliant, excellent and everything he should have been bragging about. But he didn’t do it. He didn’t brag about you and he has lost that chance entirely.

From the moment he saw you smiling with your friend in a dimly lit club, his heart clenched and that’s when he realised, he has lost you.

The night where both of you were vulnerable, Yugyeom still remembers every bit of it. You were crying, sobbing in pain as you vent your frustration on him. He could make out the figure of you clutching your chest, tears streaming down your pink cheeks, dropping down to your wet pillow. The image alone hurts him to the core.

“I’m so sorry.” he says into the receiver. Your heart drops at his apology. A part of you wants him to not apologise, that it makes you more vulnerable and will probably run into his arms again. “I’m sorry for cheating behind you. I have no explanation and I deserve you breaking up with me.”

You want to stop him from talking but all you can do is cry, writhing in silent pain. You know Yugyeom loves you. Or so you thought. Years of your relationship has tricked you into a specific mantra that you have been hypnotised with, the assurance that he loves you. Till that day you keep wanting to believe that you are his everything, the only girl he let into his life and hopefully the last.

Leaving Yugyeom was…painful. It has ripped off your lung, knowing the fact the man you’ve been blindly in love with, was sleeping around behind you. Epiphany hit and the excruciating pain left you speechless. The mantra that kept you together broke, shattering with your future that you have pictured with him. The trust was no longer there, you refused to trust him anymore. For what, really? To make you even more miserable? Knowing that you trusted him too much for him to play your heart like some insignificant thing in his life?

So you leave. You love him and you wanted to hear some explanation of how he messed things up. But you needed to leave. You don’t want him to take your love for granted. You wanted to give him a chance but right now, your heart is in pain. You can’t share your man, you just can’t. You can’t accept him for cheating because never in your life, you would accept a cheater.

Love has made you blind and you want to avoid becoming one.

“Maybe it’s not now,” he said. “I’ll court you again in the future. I’ll gain your trust and I’ll make sure I earned it right.”

“I’ll make myself deserve your love.”

Two years and Yugyeom feels like his life is catching up again. He moved on from the break-up almost a year later, where he figured that life is teaching him how to appreciate people. He changed from a young boy to a mature man, finding a permanent job and wearing proper attire. Funny how he almost sees Jinyoung in him. His friends think the same, he starts to look more proper, more presentable. He is no longer the Yugyeom from two years ago. He left everything in the past to be himself now. He wanted a change, a solid reason to become your man again.

Fate, of course, works differently on both of you. While Yugyeom soars up high, you have become more miserable than you can be. Days and nights are a blur to you, save for those times when you’re at work. Two years made you a zombie, clouded by all ‘what ifs’ and ‘whys’. What if you hadn’t left? What if you stayed? What if you give him a chance?

You questioned your every move, of why you never asked him the reason he cheated and of why you chose to run away instead of facing the problem head on.

There is only one reason why.

It’s painful to swallow but you still love him.

A combination of blind and fools, that is what you are. You know this is the hardest pill to swallow, the hardest confession you have yet to make to your friends. Whenever they asked you if you’re interested to start dating again, you pushed them away by saying you’re busy with work. You have seen their side eyes and snickers, you know they knew about the truth.

Kim Yugyeom will always and forever be the only man you’ll set your eyes on.

The first time in two years, your eyes found his. Amidst the crowd, you found him, ash grey and heavy lids. You knew it from the first glance, the way your eyes immediately attracted to that shape of his.You always love those eyes, cheeky and full of enthusiasm.

However that day, you found confident eyes, a little bit tired but still a strong gaze. You know he met yours too because the next second you find his eyes dilated, diverting the contact. A sharp tug in your heart brought you to reality, shaking you from your mindless dream.

Why?

Doesn’t he miss you? Doesn’t he suffer the same way as you did? Has he moved on? Has he?

You’re enraged by the thought, a string of curses left your mouth while you walk home in tears. However as you hit the shower, you felt yourself relaxing under the warm rain. Then you realise that you’re relieved to see him. You’re relieved to know he’s alive and healthy without you. It’s a lie if you didn’t feel hurt. A part of you wanted to see him miserable as you are but at the same time you were thankful that he managed to live without you. Between the two of you, you’re the mature one while Yugyeom couldn’t even cook instant noodles with the stove. He is more to hot water instant noodles. So when you find him breathing and alive, you have a tiny jealousy in your heart knowing he is better off without you. You guess this is better, parting ways and not existing in each other’s life.

Unknowingly, you find yourself walking through the same route every other day of the week, looking forward to chances that you could probably meet him, even just a quick glance. On your third day, you realise that this is the old route you used to go shopping with him, the one where you always buy your roasted chestnut.

You went home crying, sobbing into the pillow as it swallowed your tears away.

The next day, you still walk on the same route, stronger than before.

Days become weeks.

Weeks become months.

You never stop, holding to that thin rope of hope to meet him again. Each day you walk through the same route at the same time you met him months ago, wishing that he will be there, probably just standing there and quirk a smile.

Just knowing that he acknowledges you is already fine. You just need that.

Yugyeom knows you’re there.

He knows it.

He met your chestnut, tired eyes. You looked like – dare he say – miserable. His stomach churned at the possibilities that you may probably haven’t moved on from him, still trapped in the same heartbreak he caused you two years ago. He saw you first, when you were dragging your feet against the bricked floor not giving any attention to your front. It felt like his eyes were glued to you, your beauty kept him stunned; no really, he just missed you. He felt his heart did a little flip when you swatted your hair away from your face, a gesture whenever you were irritated but still keeping that long hair because Yugyeom loves it. He kept watching you walk until you spotted your favourite roasted chestnut stall, the same old stall. Then your eyes suddenly caught his, making him flustered, flying away from your figure.

For the last two years, Yugyeom kept finding himself in a position where he wanted to have you all to himself, selfishly thinking to end his own suffering. He even went to the extent of calculating a plan to win you over, to kneel and to beg for you.

“You think she’ll take you back?” Yugyeom hated it when Jinyoung questioned his every move. He hated that Jinyoung always sounded right, always taking on your side instead of his. “Why do you think she left you in the first place?”

“Stop trying to bring me down.” he hated when Jinyoung was right.

“You don’t understand!” Jinyoung’s voice thundered, breaking through the silent apartment. “You don’t fucking understand why!”

Jinyoung has no reason to be mad to start with. However Yugyeom’s attempts at winning you over again made him seethed in anger, trying to set the poor boy straight.

“You don’t understand that she didn’t leave because she hated you. She was hurt. You fucking hurt her. You cheated on her and yet you wanted her to accept you back?” Yugyeom ran his eyes from Jinyoung’s, only to land on Bambam’s. That man was no longer his friend the day he revealed how you left him.

“Let’s put it this way, Gyeom-ah.” Apparently Youngjae is the calmer one hence he was with the right mind to put some good words inside Yugyeom’s brain. The other two were still angry, refusing to talk without a string of curse words. “You love one girl. You are crazy about her, you are willing to sacrifice everything for her.”

“I do love her-”

“Then one day, you came home to know that she’s been cheating behind your back. She had another man behind you, god knows how many men she has been sleeping with.”

“I didn’t sleep with them-”

Jinyoung beat him to it, punctuating each word. “Does she know?”

“Doesn’t it hurt you when the one that holds your trusts, betrays you?” Youngjae sat in front of him, patting his shoulder. “Doesn’t it hurt you?”

From that day he vowed to be better, to stop playing around and to start all over again.

“How could I make her love me again, hyung?” was one of frequent questions that he’s thrown to his friends. “How could I make her fall for me all over again?”

Mark was definitely the most sane of all, scooting closer to calm the broken boy. “Be a man, Yugyeom. Fix yourself. Fix the old you. Man up and explain yourself. Don’t hope for her to accept you back. Explain yourself and let the time decide.”

That was the reason he changed. He has long given up trying to make you fall into his arms again, however he wanted you to know what happened. You deserve an explanation. You deserve to know what happened and what should have happened. Each day the guilt weighed him to no end. At times he felt suffocated, being chased by the old memories, fragments of that day haunted him over and over again.

Yugyeom had never wanted to hug someone so much after he made eye contact with you that day.

He went home to Bambam, crying over the sadness bottling up his lungs. His fear came to reality, seeing you completely lost in the sea of people. He has totally broken you into pieces and he shall be the one putting you up again.

“Why are you avoiding her?” Jaebeom asks, watching Yugyeom lost in his own thought, his eyes staring into space. “What harm would you bring if you meet her?”

It has been known to his group of friends that Yugyeom met you again at the crosswalk and you are waiting for him every day. You hadn’t realised but his friends were there too, each day when you peered to see his shadow at the same spot like last time. His friends saw you whipped your head left and right, then when you can’t see him, your shoulder would slump and you would walk home like how you usually do.

Sad, broken, helpless.

“Go fix her, Gyeom-ah.” Jackson advises. “Things are getting worse for her. You need to be responsible for this. Don’t run from the problem. Face it. You’re a man.”

Yugyeom looks away from the mindless stare, focusing his vision on his hyungs. “What if I fuck up again? What if I made her fall for me and I fuck up again?”

“I never told you to make her fall again.” Jaebeom bent closer, patting the younger man on his head. “Fix her. Then let her decide. Don’t take advantage of her. Fix her. She’s broken. Help her realise that her life isn’t worth being pathetic for you.”

“Ouch.” Jaebeom smiles, rubbing circles on Yugyeom’s shoulder. “I’m proud of how far you have come. You have us but she has no one, Gyeom-ah. Help her fix herself as strong as you are. Then let her decide if you are worth accepting again.”

“Can I have it like usual?” the old grandma smiles, her hand is busy packing you a bag of roasted chestnut and honey coated chestnut. Your inside jumps at the delicious smell of your food, giddy to go home and devour them. Months ago you passed the route for Yugyeom. Today you passed the route for your old chestnut stall.

Securing the package, the old grandma proceeds to hand you the food with the change. While you busy yourself keeping the change, she clears her throat. “You look happy today.”

The statement makes you exclaim a small oh! before giving her a curious look.

Instead of replying, she laughs and starts cleaning her station. “It has been quite long since you stopped buying my chestnuts.”

“I guess the young man and you have parted ways?” she asks.

The question punches your gut, causing your bottle of emotion to shake and start making a mess inside you. It has been known to your circle about your break-up but to a stranger like the old grandma? Of course this hits you hard, knowing that a stranger managed to sniff your relationship like that.

She looks up when you don’t respond, offering a sweet apologetic smile. “I’m sorry if I offended you sweetheart. I saw you happy today, so I thought you’d move on from the young man.”

You didn’t actually blame her, she used to be fond of Yugyeom. Every time you stopped to buy, she would squeal at how nice and handsome Yugyeom is, much to Yugyeom’s liking. You guess that is a common thing to ask, since it has been two years and now you came alone.

“I guess we are not meant together, grandma.” you force a reply out of you, knowing that it probably hurt the old woman if you stayed silent. “We parted ways long ago.”

She hums, watching you dearly. “Do you love him, sweetheart?”

A mere question bursts a thousand emotions, that’s how your tears broke. You nod furiously, unable to contain the sadness anymore. You feel like a useless fool, you have no idea how Yugyeom has so much control in your life that once he’s out of your sight you’ve become this fragile.

She pulls you into her arms, giving you a comforting, motherly-hug. You don’t know if it helps because you feel so small in her arms and you cry your heart out, tired of bottling everything in. You wanted someone to talk to, but your friends won’t understand. They will continue to call you a weak person, someone who still loves a cheater like Yugyeom. You wanted to tell them that you are indeed a fool but you need them to stand back up again.

“Stop crying sweetheart.” she says softly. “I can see you love him so much. Why don’t you fight for your relationship?”

To that you cry even harder, countless ‘what ifs’ hits you again full force. Are you the one to be blamed in this situation? Are you the one who stopped fighting for your relationship? Why would you hold him back if he went around cheating while having you by his side? You are a human too, you can’t share what is yours.

“I don’t know the problem between you two, sweetheart. But what holds you from moving on is because you still have regrets.” she strokes your hair, calming you down. “Talk to him. Vent out your frustration. Let him know that you are not okay with this.”

She wipes away your tears-stained face, giving you an encouraging smile. “Then you can be at ease. You will feel better. You will, sweetheart.”

Words can’t describe how nervous you are, sitting in front of Yugyeom after two years. He looks equally nervous, a different kind of nervous. He looks like he’s afraid that you might break down - which you probably would - and he doesn’t know what to do. So after gulping your saliva for the nth time, you clear your throat, attempting to sort everything out.

If you guys are going to stay silent like this then this meeting won’t ease your mind.

“I’m sorry.” left you gaping, heart drumming at an intense rate. You watch Yugyeom’s Adam Apple bobs, arranging his words. “I am sorry for everything I did to you.”

You can’t say no, because indeed, he was the one to blame. “It wasn’t my intention.” he darts his panic eyes to you, licking his lips to continue, “to cheat. It was never an intention to cheat.”

You inwardly scoff, unbelievably irritated by his explanation. It wasn’t intentional? So like- what, he lost control of himself and suddenly made out with some random woman? It makes no sense and because it doesn’t; your irritation becomes more visible.

“What? You mean ‘oh I lost control of my limbs and suddenly a woman was riding me’? Disgusting.” you spat out words without thinking, your heart aches more than you can ever give him your empathy. You are disgusted with him.

As bad as your words come out, he stays collected; even more surprising to you. He shakes his head, leaning closer to the table that separates both of you. “No, I don’t mean it that way.”

“I never intended to cheat. Not because I got bored of you nor because I feel like cheating. I didn’t-” he doesn’t miss how your eyes narrow at his explanation, still feeling disgusted as he refused to come clean. “I didn’t sleep with anyone.”

‘Unbelievable-”

“Think what you want to, but I never slept with anyone when and after we dated. I admit I went clubbing and made out with some women,” he grimaces as he remembers the vague image in his head, “But I never bed them.”

“Never bed them?”

“I can’t. You are everywhere and I felt like I was committing a huge sin.”

“Technically, you were.” you can’t help but blurt it out.

“Yes. The worst sin I had ever committed.”

You feel your throat dries, knowing this is the time for you to ask him. This is the time for you to find out the truth. This is where your future lies. His answer will determine how your misery ends. This is where your curiosity will be answered and you feel yourself chickening out from this conversation. What if he breaks your heart again, reminding you how dumb you were, breaking things between you two without listening to him first?

However there is no way you’re running out of this restaurant. You’re here and you need to admit that no matter how dumb you were, you and him were over. A broken glass can’t be put back again so you decide to screw it. Timidly, you hang your head low and manage to let out a small but clear word. “Then..why?”

In return you heard Yugyeom scoffing, laughing to himself and stopped. That’s it. He’s about to make fun of you, saying how you are so clouded with your own conclusion and emotion, how you are always the one that overthinks, that you’re the reason why you break up.

Amidst your inner banter, you tip your head curiously and instantaneously your heart stops at how his face changes. You can see right through him, his pain and his misery. His face holds so much regret that you can almost feel the pain in his heart.

You can see the real Yugyeom, broken and in pain.

“I was stupid, y/n.” he says.

“I was stupid, I was scared. God I was so so stupid.” he repeats again, one after another. “I was scared because I started changing into someone I don’t know.”

“I dated you for just one year and I changed from a free boy to a committed boy. I was committed to our relationship and it scared me how I changed in a split second because of you.” he pauses to inhale a suffocating breath, painfully stabbing him through his lungs. “I was pathetic. I was so scared seeing how dependent I’ve been to you and I feel like you could control me with just a snap of your finger.”

You fall into silence, shaken by his confession.

However, silence was never Yugyeom’s favourite; yours top everything. He was scared to explain because he knows it will look unreasonable and pathetic in your eyes. He knows it is, judging by how ridiculous you’re looking at him now.

“So..you slept around because you were scared of changing?” the tone of your voice changes, exactly as cold as Yugyeom could remember, just the exact tone from the day things fall apart between you.

His head drops again, voice coming out with hesitation. “It sounds ridiculous, yes it does. But you don’t understand how scared I was. I was becoming someone under your control. It was weird because I usually have everything under my control. I wasn’t used to being under someone’s spell and it blinded me to the point where I don’t feel as happy as I was when hanging out with my friend just because you weren’t there.”

“Then I thought that’s probably because I hang out with you too much. I’ve become dependent on you, I thought that was totally ridiculous when Bambam told me that’s because I’m in love with you.”

His shoulder jolts when he lets out a forced laugh. “Me? Capable of loving? Love wasn’t in my dictionary back then, y/n. I was messing around and it threw me off guard when Bam mentioned that. Love? What kind of love would I be able to give you? I was a boy, I have nothing but a simple life. I wasn’t ready for commitment but you made me fall deeper for you.”

“So I messed up. Like how Kim Yugyeom would, I messed up.” for the first time since he spoke, he looked you straight in the eyes. “It took me two weeks to realise that ‘shit, I’m in love with y/n’ and another one week to get my shit together, thinking of how I should break it to you.”

You’ve been listening attentively to his explanation, the gears in your head moved rapidly, overlapping one issue with another.

‘So for one year he didn’t love me?’

‘But he did. Just he didn’t realise.’

‘But he needed three weeks to realise when he’s been with me for one year?’

‘He was confused, y/n.’

“What,” you inhale, composing yourself. “happened the day we broke up?”

You found out about him a few days before you broke up. One of your acquaintances kept hinting to you about your relationship. When she got unbearable that you can’t hold it anymore, you confronted her for the issue. To say that you were surprised, you weren’t entirely surprised. You were more disappointed than surprised. You don’t understand why.

“I guess I wasn’t careful. I don’t care for what if someone saw me because like I said, I thought I should take a break from you and back to my life before I met you.”

“Probably she was one of the women I danced with or I kissed-” he grimaces again. “I don’t know. I was ready to come home to you and make up for what I did.”

Silence falls between both of you again, unsure of what to say. It’s too much to absorb; at least to you. You have a lot to ask him but they disappear the moment Yugyeom shows you the whole picture. Now that you heard his explanation, your brain starts working more questions but unrelated to previous questions.

What now? What do you do? You heard his confession, you resolved your frustration. It turns out Yugyeom was a big idiot and it costs your relationship to make him realise that life isn’t all simple.

Your eyes dart to the man before you, hesitating to ask the real question. You know how much he broke you. You weren’t ready to hear that he moved on, but you wanted to know if you were to make a stupid move, you need to know what he feels about you.

“Do you…” you trail off, unsure how to put it. Yugyeom’s attention perks at your halt, watching you slowly shifting into panic mode. “Have you ever once..”

“Love me?” you feel small, you feel rejected. You always feel that when you’re with Yugyeom, you know how insecure you were when it comes to him. His view meant a lot to you and you guess after years, you haven’t changed. You still seek for his validation and that’s when you realise you have very little self-confidence.

Instead of scoffing like how you thought, Yugyeom offers a sweet smile, his eyes however, don’t shine as sweet as his smile. “I do, y/n.”

“I never stopped loving you, if that’s what you were wondering.”

He stops at that, making you wonder what’s wrong. He never stopped loving you. So? No continuation?

He laughs, leaning back to sip his chocolate drink. “I can hear your thoughts, y/n. I know you’re overthinking and you are irritated.”

“I never stopped loving you. But I don’t know if I’m worth your love again.”

“I have done a lot of damage to you, one of which is destroying your future without properly explaining what happened. I saw your shoulder slumped and I never saw that smile again.”

He grins, however it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I think I shall no longer exist in your life, y/n.”

You almost wanted to argue but he stops you with his next sentence. “I don’t want me to influence your life. You’re beautiful, y/n. You’re beautiful and you’re a confident woman once upon a time ago. That’s why I was attracted to you before. However dating me changed you into an insecure woman; I am sorry about that.”

“I don’t want you to consider accepting me again because you love me. No, I don’t want you to do that. I need you to remember that this man has broken you once and probably will break you again in the future. I want you to build yourself again, no not for me but for you. For your own sake. I know you always seek my validation which I enjoyed when we dated but I realised it has degraded your worth.”

Sincerity keeps pouring out of him and you feel your eyes become teary, then the next second you feel them running down your cheeks. “You are worth much more than my validation. You don’t need my validation nor me. You need yourself, you need to love yourself for you to be able to build yourself stronger.”

“Please don’t cry,” Yugyeom’s hand moves to hold yours, only to retreat back to his side. “I love you, y/n. Please remember that. But I can’t let myself stop you from finding yourself back. I don’t want you to be my slave because you love me. You need to build yourself again. I don’t want to be a distraction to you.”

“But I want you back in my life.” you choke on a sob, excruciating pain shoots through you. Yes you’re being dumb because he is right, you need to find yourself. You lost yourself right when you dated Yugyeom so you do need to rebuild yourself. However, losing Yugyeom for the second time, you don’t know if you’re ready for that.

For once he reached over to hold your hand in his, covering your tiny fist with his huge palm. “One day, y/n. If fate wants us to stay together, we’ll stay together. I’ll make myself worthy of your love again.”

“Just not now, sweetheart.” your eyes shut tight, releasing more and more tears. He’s right. He’s right and you hate how right he sounds. “I’ll wait patiently for you. I’ll wait for you to mend yourself, I’ll wait for you to accept me back.”

“But when?” you’re not going to give up. You want assurance, you want to know that Yugyeom will be there when you succeed in finding yourself.

“Soon, sweetheart. When you are ready, when your heart is ready. When fate is ready, I’ll be there to prove my worth.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

Soon, is an indefinite promise. Soon changes from weeks to months, months to years.

You stopped counting days after the sixth month, seeing you gained no difference in yourself, only looking forward to running into Yugyeom’s arms back again. You lied to yourself, saying you’ll find yourself when you’re with him. For months, you lied, desperately holding to that promise Yugyeom did during your last meeting. You assured yourself that you’ll change and he’ll come back sooner than you think.

On one random day, the string inside you snapped and suddenly everything hit you that Yugyeom was saying goodbye to you, he was ready to leave you. You cried for hours, angry and mad at how he played you. He coaxed you into believing that he’ll take you back when you change but deep down he knew that you won’t change. He knew that you will stubbornly lie to yourself because that’s how you did two years back. That’s how you lived after he walked out of your life, lying to yourself since that’s what you know the best.

Eight months and you saw a pattern changed in your lifestyle. You started sleeping early, giving your body enough sleep for the day. You started eating breakfast, something you’ve considered a few times but you always wake up late and rush to work. You started going out for a walk in the evening, tired of being trapped in the same apartment.

Walking alone was so cold, so boring and reminded you of old times. On impulse you detoured to a shelter one day, adopting a dog.

She is a small golden retriever, around 3 months old, active and very clingy. Adopting her helps you relax, focusing every single problem only on her, no other things. She, after weeks living with you, is finally called Chestnut. You laugh at yourself after you named her, so much for the originality.

Living with Chessy is everything you’ve needed. She helps you discipline, soon you fall into a routine that you yourself didn’t realise. Chessy is easy to take care, though quite fussy and picky with people. She doesn’t particularly like strangers and only warming up to people she’s chosen to warm up to, which is now, only three people. You, your mom and your dad. You never take it as a problem since you don’t really associate with other people anyways. Chessy’s behaviour also helps you at times where you want your co-workers out of your sight, she will bark at them immediately to chase them away.

Chessy becomes a part of you, someone who makes you look forward to coming home.

Soon has turned into three years, you changed into a more independent woman, leaving your old self behind. In the span of three years, you resigned, leaving your toxic coworkers and friends to a new workplace. You enjoy yourself, surrounded with a new and positive environment. Your current boss is everything you wanted, keep giving his employees chances to grow and soar high.

You, driven by the new environment, escalated your self esteem pretty quick, making you braver and stronger day by day. Your colleagues help in building your confidence, always there to guide you to be better. In short, you feel your life falling into the right places.

Perhaps this was what Yugyeom said.

Finding yourself is the best thing you’d ever achieve in your life. You never feel so happy than right now, where you feel that you can breathe easily without something weighing you down. Perhaps this was what Yugyeom wanted you to feel, before finding him again. This new version of you is unbreakable, built with much self-love and respect.

This version of you indeed, feels alive.

Fifth year and you’re living as a completely new person, someone easy-going and social. You’re still you, but a better version. Your fashion changes, your lifestyle changes and your mindset changes. You believe that everything happens for a reason, that you probably know what it is sooner or later. You believe that every decision and every step you take, you must be held accountable. You should not regret and dwell on that decision if it turns out wrong, but you’ll improve yourself to be better. And that includes making a wise decision.

You never have to ask for someone’s validation anymore. Your work, your decision, your mind. What you plan is what you’ll do. You’ve changed your working style and you have to admit, it is easier right now. You’re confident and always ready, it lessens the stress in you.

You never thought you’d arrive at this point.

Yugyeom was right.

After years being mad at him for standing you up, you finally agree that what he did was right.

It will be impossible for you to be at this point if he’s by your side, clouding your every decision. You’ll fall into the same routine again, you will never get to build yourself and act as your own person.

Sky decides that it’s a perfect time to cry and here you are, sitting with Chessy in your lap, nuzzling into your warmth. Your new apartment gives you a window with a ledge, a perfect place for you when you need your thoughts to run wild. You always use it to your fullest, especially on rainy days where you stay indoor, enjoying the warmth of your apartment.

Running your hand through her fur, you wonder.

‘Where are you at, Yugyeom-ah?’

The smell of coffee has always made you calm. You don’t know why but there are two smells that calm you. Coffee and Yugyeom. You smile, shaking your thoughts away as the cashier hands you your change. Your attention shifts to Chessy, who’s waiting outside of the coffee shop since she can’t come in. You’re on your usual evening walk with Chessy, a routine you won’t miss whenever weekend comes. Chessy enjoys a walk and so do you.

When your buzzer vibrates, you quickly get your coffee and that’s when your attention falls again on Chessy, sniffing a stranger’s hand outside the shop. Your heart thumps at the possibility that the person would kidnap Chessy; not that it would be possible since Chessy can bark really loud but you can’t be so sure, so you quicken your step outside, only to see Chessy shaking hands with a man in a checkered shirt.

“Chessy!” instantaneously, you exclaim, wondering how weird Chessy is, being kind to strangers.

Both your dog and the man jolt in surprise, you realise how he stiffens after you call out Chessy’s name. His outline seems familiar, a rush of cold air passes and you’re stunned at how easily your mind can recognise him.

The broad shoulders, the baseball cap, the checkered shirt, the worn-out jeans.

The scent.

“Chessy.” he repeats, cooing and patting your dog. “A sweet name for a cute dog like you, right sweetheart?”

“Your mom must be good at picking names.” he smiles, standing up from Chessy to face you.

“Yugyeom.” Just like that, memories from five years ago hit you, playing scenes after scenes in your head.

“Y/n.” he breathes out your name and your heart skips a beat, knowing how much you miss him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know she’s your dog. She’s so cute, obediently waiting outside the shop so I wanted to greet her.”

He grins at Chessy, who’s now by your side, wagging her tail happily.

You’re still stunned but you shall not show that you are, so you swallow your overwhelmness to respond.

“It’s okay. She likes you.”

His face lightens up, darting his eyes to Chessy. “Really? You like me?”

His whole behaviour screams your old Yugyeom but deep down you know, he’s not yours. You are still overwhelmed to meet him but as he said, fate will decide on it. You don’t search for him and you think he doesn’t search for you too. You think that’s just how fate wants you to meet. You have a lot to ask him.

How have you been? Did you do well? Do you know that I moved? Did you know that I changed my workplace? Have you been healthy?

All that stuff. You just want to catch a conversation, to be updated about him.

Your cheeks lift up, stretching a smile on your face. However it lasts shortly before you remember that he’s not supposed to touch Chessy.

“Wait. You shook hands with her just now?”

“Yes? Why?”

“You’re not supposed to!” you fuss, panicking. “You have allergies, remember? Oh my god why would you touch her?”

At that Yugyeom laughs. He laughs and your entire body stops functioning. It’s been too long since you heard him laughing and you want to capture his laugh in your mind in case fate decides that you shall no longer cross path after this.

“Why are you laughing?” you’re breathless but you are still worried. Why would he laugh? This is a serious situation. Yugyeom’s allergies hit quite hard before and he could be bedridden if he didn’t take his meds quickly.

“I’m okay with her fur. I am allergic but only to a certain type of fur.” he bends down to pat her again, before giving you an apologetic smile. “I need to go.”

“Oh.” you don’t intend your gasp to be that obvious but probably you wanted him to stay longer. It’s too short for five years. “I’m sorry for taking your time.”

He smiles and shakes his head. “No, y/n. I’m glad I met you.”

“Perhaps we can catch up again.”

“How?”

He starts walking backward, eyes promising another meeting. “Like how today happens.”

Funny how five years you’ve been in the neighbourhood, you had never once met Yugyeom, coincidentally or accidentally. Probably you’ve been busy with work, with the newest project that kept you at work even on weekends. However since it was submitted last week, you have some free time to yourself and are able to take a walk during the weekend.

And then you met Yugyeom again the next two weeks.

He was out for a jog and you were on your routine, bringing Chessy for a walk. Days passed and you felt your schedules synchronised, every time you’re out for a walk, he’s out for a jog too. It feels too real to be true that you start making all sorts of assumptions in your head.

“I think you’re stalking me.” was the first thing you said to Yugyeom after you met him for the fourth time. “It’s impossible that I met you every time I am out with Chessy!”

He laughed as you kept accusing him for stalking you, before replying “Maybe I’m just interested in Chessy. Right, sweetheart?”

Chessy barked happily, siding with Yugyeom even more.

Fourth becomes fifth, and fifth becomes tenth.

You decided that you don’t have an issue with your schedules synchronised so you start adjusting to the change, to the extent of having coffee with him after your walk.

“I think it’s just useless if I were to have chocolate every time after I went for a jog.” Yugyeom sips on his drink, almost spluttering his chocolate drink when he meets your judging eyes. He cracks up as you try not to stab him with your straw.

“Is it my fault then? I never forced you to drink with me!”

“You did.” he points out. “You asked me ‘do you want to have some drink?’”

“I asked if you want to, not that you are obligated too.” you roll your eyes, sipping your own coffee. “Chessy, your admirer is so annoying.”

Yugyeom chuckles, setting down his drink on the table. “You don’t force me. I just want to.”

That statement skips your heart a beat, however you did not press on it. You let it flow, savoring your friendship. You decide that it is the best if you stay as friends first, there is no need to get into a relationship where both of you might screw up again. You need to build a strong foundation first, before taking the responsibility.

Your weekend meetings continue, both of you start updating on your life. You with your work and Yugyeom about the guys and his life. It becomes a routine between you two, now you are sure that your schedules aren’t synchronised, it is more to you actually serving an empty slot just for him.

Like he does for you.

After months, you meet his friend circle again, just him inviting you to their gathering. You never thought that you’ll miss them; well you don’t have time to think about them before. You never thought you’d feel complete when you saw Jaebeom and Bambam bicker or Jackson and Jinyoung dissing each other. You just feel like a misplaced puzzle inside you finally fits, finally relocates and completes.

“What are you thinking?” Yugyeom asks as he walks you home from the gathering. You choose to walk rather than drive, just in case they decide to drink so you’ll take a cab home. But Yugyeom offers to walk with you, Bambam taking his car home instead.

“Us.”

He stops in his tracks, watching you still walking forward. You know that he’s afraid of mentioning it first. You saw his curious eyes and you can’t blame him for not bringing this up. He still fears that he’ll make the same mistake and will break you again.

So you turn around, smiling as bright as you can, determined to make him see that you are ready.

“Are you sure, y/n?” he licks his lip nervously. “I can wait. I don’t want you to feel burdened. If you don’t want me then I’m good with it.”

“Yugyeom.” you reach to hold his hands, gripping it tight. “I am sure with my decision.”

“I’ve thought of it over and over again and if I want someone else I should already have them now. But I don’t want someone else. I want you.”

“But what if,” his voice falters, fear starts clouding his mind. “What if I hurt you again? What if I make a mistake again?”

His voice comes out like a squeak, like he’s too vulnerable and scared.

“Gyeom-ah.” you call him, still caressing his hand. “We can make this right. We’ll talk about what is working and what’s not. We need to be honest to each other.”

“We’ll be rational and sort things out. We will, Yugyeom. We will.”

“We will?”

You nod, etching a smile. “We will.”

Winter has never been warmer than that night. Yugyeom finds you in his arms again, stronger and unbreakable. He’s relieved, though worried what the future has for both of you.

For now he’ll focus on you, the one that fills his empty space.

[ Writings ]

#yugyeom fic #kim yugyeom fic #got7 yugyeom fic #yugyeom fanfic #yugyeom angst #yugyeom imagines #got7 yugyeom fanfic #got7 yugyeom angst #got7 yugyeom imagines #got7 fanfic #angst fanfic #got7 angst fanfic #happy 1k to me!#milestone #milestone fic #celebratory fic

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Rio & Liam

Rio: Erm, hi, what the actual fuck

Liam: how can I help you

Rio: Okay no, do not try to be cute with me right now

Rio: How do you even know my sister

Rio: do you

Liam: we’re both taken, ain’t we, and your sister wouldn’t like me being cute with anyone else rn

Liam: it’s a long story, I dunno why you’d wanna hear it from me instead of her

Rio: Believe me, I am trying to contact her

Rio: Do you really think this is appropriate?

Liam: you’re gonna tell me why you don’t think it is, that’s why you’re here

Liam: not my pov, yeah though

Rio: I’m here to ask you what you’re doing and why, both of which you’ve avoided answering so yeah, that’s not worrying AT ALL

Liam: you can see what’s happening and as she’s your sister I assumed you’d see why anyone would think it’s worth doing

Rio: You realise how that makes you sound, yeah

Rio: So you’ve just hit up a random girl who’s two years younger than you because you think she’s fit

Liam: you’re twisting it to make me sound like that bc you’ve already decided how this convo is gonna go, like I said

Liam: I didn’t know anything about her when we first started talking but am I mad she ended up being fit, no

Rio: If you had anything to say for yourself then I wouldn’t have to fill in the blanks

Rio: You aren’t exactly making it sound like you’re anything but guilty

Rio: Did you start talking to her or her to you?

Liam: [a screenshot of her post on the ARG thread and your reply because of course you have that]

Liam: guilty of what, having a common interest

Rio: Aren’t those places anonymous

Rio: So, what, she’s just giving out her info to anyone on the internet?

Rio: Great

Liam: she’s smarter than that

Rio: She’s my sister, I know what she’s like

Rio: Just say what you mean and what happened, it shouldn’t be difficult if you have nothing to hide

Liam: then you know she made we work for knowing more about her and I did

Rio: And you like her, do you

Liam: why are you phrasing it like I shouldn’t, she’s incredible

Rio: I’m not

Rio: that’s twisting it

Rio: but you’re an older lad, she’s never had a boyfriend

Rio: I just don’t think this is ideal for her first experience

Liam: what’s better about a lad from her year, I’ll look after her

Rio: It isn’t really about the age, it’s about experience

Liam: I dunno what Lex has told you but it sounds like she’s lying

Rio: I know Lex too

Liam: it didn’t work with her, maybe she’s still annoyed about it

Rio: She hasn’t said anything against you, FYI

Liam: she’s your mate, you wouldn’t really say if she had

Rio: It’s not about Lexie anyway

Rio: I still don’t understand how you and Edie started talking, outside of the forum thing

Liam: how we are, we found out who each other was and moved it here

Rio: Right…

Rio: And you have things in common, that’s more than how it seems

Rio: Can you like, not break her heart

Rio: Because then we will have a problem

Liam: we won’t ever have a problem

Rio: I know she looks and acts mature, but she’s not

Rio: well, she’s still just a kid, you know what I mean

Liam: she’s not a kid, but she 👀 at the world how they do, sometimes, not having that in common is why I wouldn’t hurt her

Rio: Does that not put you off?

Liam: it’s not a - it’s a +

Rio: She doesn’t need a protector, that isn’t your job

Liam: it’s not your job to tell me what she needs, I know it’s not me

Rio: What do you think she needs?

Liam: I’m not gonna out her like that

Rio: What does that even mean

Liam: my thoughts are coming from what she’s said to me, maybe it’s private or maybe you already know, but if you don’t, I’m not betraying her trust

Rio: If there’s something wrong or she’s in trouble you need to tell me

Liam: she’s not, and there’s nothing wrong, she could just be happier

Rio: Well couldn’t everyone

Liam: everyone don’t get the chance

Rio: I’m not going to rail on you if you think you can make her happy

Rio: that’s sweet and I’m not a massive bitch

Rio: I’m just a little shocked

Liam: me too when it ended up being her, it’s a massive thread

Rio: I’m not trying to out her, or anything like that and if you say anything about her it’s over for you

Rio: but have you considered she searched you out specifically?

Rio: She’s really smart

Liam: why me

Rio: Come on, Liam

Rio: She clearly thinks you’re amazing, and she’s not the only one interested

Liam: she was as surprised

Rio: Okay, if you’re sure

Rio: You don’t know anything about what’s been happening to Lexie, do you?

Liam: I’m camping with my dad, what’s happening with Lexie

Rio: Edie hasn’t mentioned anything?

Liam: what’s it gotta do with Edie

Rio: Hopefully nothing, don’t worry

Liam: you’re seriously not gonna fill in the blanks

Rio: Ha, the level we are not at there yet

Rio: I believe you, so the Lexie stuff is clearly unrelated to this, you don’t need to know

Liam: she did message me asking questions that made no sense, so if she thinks I did something I wanna know

Rio: Someone did do something, she’ll work it out

Rio: it isn’t my information to spread around, that doesn’t seem sensible

Liam: if she’s spreading round it’s me, it’s uncool of you to not give me any info at all

Rio: She isn’t

Rio: she’s looking at all eventualities and you are her ex, that’s how your name came up, she hasn’t told people it was you, by any means

Liam: the timing is funny, I get a new girlfriend and she’s trying to make me look bad

Rio: I can see that

Rio: but there’s been videos, things left at her house

Rio: I don’t think it was you, I’m not saying that, but she’s shown me

Rio: What would that mean, she’d done it herself? idk, also sounds funny

Rio: it’s clearly just an unrelated weirdo and the timing is a coincidence

Liam: she should be more careful what she posts, if some random has found her house

Rio: It must be someone else from her real life

Rio: even peripherally

Rio: I don’t know, but you’re fine, she’s not talking shit about you

Rio: even if she’s a little salty, she’s not going to stoop that low, truly

Liam: I don’t think she’s still hung up on me or something, my ego’s not crazy big

Rio: She liked you, but it was a while ago now

Rio: and she isn’t going to say or do anything to hurt my sister in front of me, or behind my back if she knows what’s good so

Liam: she came across happy for us in my comments, but I never could read her

Rio: No?

Rio: well, reading her isn’t your priority now, right

Liam: it’ll make me sound like a dick if I admit it wasn’t ever enough of a priority for me, but you clearly respect honesty

Rio: It’s okay, you weren’t well-suited, it’s not a crime

Rio: it would be more problematic if you were still trying to make things work now

Rio: sorry, I should say I never thought you were a match, and I’ve told her so I’m not being two-faced by dropping that here

Liam: I shouldn’t have done it

Rio: I don’t blame you

Rio: neither does Lex, I’m sure

Liam: would she forgive me if I can find out who’s doing this to her, it’s not the same, but I helped Edie with some lads in her dms, I might be able to

Rio: You did?

Rio: I didn’t even know

Rio: but then, she hadn’t mentioned you until today’s announcement so, I guess that’s an us thing

Rio: I mean, yeah, I’m sure she’d be really grateful for that; you really think you can?

Liam: I can try, Edie’s busy getting ready for a show and it’s fucking boring here

Rio: Is it just you and your dad?

Liam: yeah

Rio: I feel for you

Liam: we got off on the wrong foot at the start and I’m not trying to go back to there, I wanna be clear that, like, this has been quick and I know how it looks

Rio: I appreciate that

Rio: I’m also not trying to start anything here, it isn’t personal with regards to you, it only was because she’s my little sister

Rio: But if you like her and she likes you, then this is fine

Liam: she’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met and I know loads of people

Rio: She is

Rio: She’s special, even if I’m biased

Liam: I’ve told her she can do better but she don’t believe me

Rio: If she wants you, then I support her

Rio: It’s not about ideals, or some other in-theory notion like that

Liam: it was about the view you had of me that you got from somewhere, apparently not Lexie

Rio: You said yourself, it looks suspect

Rio: she hadn’t mentioned you until this and I had no idea you knew each other

Liam: but if it was only that you wouldn’t be throwing out lines about experience like there’s something you wanna say about me specifically

Rio: Do I need to spell that out?

Rio: I just meant she’s 14 and hasn’t had a boyfriend before, you’re 16 and have had girlfriends… that’s all I was saying

Rio: if that was your intention, I wouldn’t want that for her

Rio: but you’ve made it clear it’s more than that

Liam: no I’ve not, if there were any girls between her and your sister the Lexie thing wouldn’t be as weird as it is

Rio: Oh, sorry, I just assumed

Liam: I still don’t think she’s doing it herself it’s just the timing that’s making me ??!

Rio: You don’t think it’s Edie, do you?

Rio: I didn’t want to say before because I’m sure she’d be furious at me for even suggesting that but

Liam: even if I could think of a why, she wouldn’t have had time, with setting the show up and this ARG we’re making, that’s the shit I know about, there’s gonna be loads of surprises she’s sorted for when I get back too

Rio: I am not going to pretend I remember what ARG stands for but that’s a relief

Rio: I really do not want to come at her with that energy

Rio: You guys are sweet, it’s nice to see

Liam: you should come to see her perform, Lex too if she wants

Rio: When is it? She never tells me anything

Liam: [the date and the place]

Liam: she wasn’t gonna go but I’ve never seen her on stage

Rio: Typical, I was meant to be in London then

Rio: I’ll see if we can swap and be here instead

Liam: there’ll be others if not

Rio: She’s not going to invite me herself, at least this time I can say you did

Liam: cool, throw me under the bus, that’s fine 😏

Rio: it’s the honeymoon phase, she isn’t going to get mad at you 😉

Liam: 🥺 will work

Rio: I don’t want to hear about your tactics, thank you

Liam: don’t worry, it ain’t what I’m gonna really do

Rio: I should hope not!

Rio: would not be the move to tell me about it

Liam: I probably shouldn’t have talked to you this long, if she don’t tell you things

Rio: She doesn’t NOT tell me things

Liam: no massive secrets implied by me for a second time

Rio: It’s a part of growing up, right

Rio: you don’t tell your parents everything either

Liam: how I grew up isn’t the standard, I dunno

Rio: It must’ve made you all close

Liam: we still didn’t tell our parents anything, must be universal

Rio: I think so

Rio: what they don’t know, eh

Liam: yeah

Rio: Well, I’ll let you get back to not loving camping then

Liam: and I’ll let you get back to trying to contact Edie

Rio: I’ll see her at home

Rio: Can’t avoid me forever

Liam: I couldn’t bring her, next time 📴👋

Rio: It’s a bit soon for sleepovers, honey

Rio: Nice try though

Rio: Thanks for talking to me, eventually 😏

Rio: See you around 😊

Liam: it's a yearly tradition, no need to go back to that way of thinking about me

Rio: I’m just joking, your dads there too, I know

Rio: it’s your birthday, right?

Rio: Happy Birthday for the actual day

Liam: I didn't realise you knew when my birthday was

Rio: I remember it being sometime in the summer, we have been in the same classes forever, that’s not weird, right

Liam: you remember my name on the list of all the kids getting that shared happy birthday cheer in final assembly before school ended, you mean

Rio: Hey, my birthday is in December so you’ll get no sympathy from me, all anyone cares about is their own presents 🎅

Liam: 💔 sorry

Rio: No need, I still find a way to get spoilt

Rio: Are you doing anything when you get back?

Liam: my ma'd be 💔 if I don't

Rio: Duh, I meant with Edie or your friends though

Liam: can't let my parents have all the fun

Rio: Definitely not

Liam: you know Edie, I won’t be bored even when summer’s been and gone

Rio: That’s true

Rio: for 😁 and 😬

Liam: you added the 😬 not me

Rio: that is exclusive to my big sister role, for sure

Rio: it’d be rude if you were

Liam: I used to get loads of 😬 off my own big sister, she’d have called it a + too

Rio: that’s our job

Rio: guinea pig and middle man

Rio: You must miss her even more, on special occasions

Liam: it’s easier to find ways not to on special occasions, mates buy you rounds, think nothing of keeping the party going for a couple of days, I miss her more after, when shit’s meant to go back to normal

Rio: No, that makes sense actually, when you say it like that

Rio: it’s the everyday, little things, they affect you more

Liam: she’d be 18 and too cool to 🥳 with me, but yeah, later on, that’s when she should be around, to tell me what she did on her 16th was better

Rio: It’s fucked she didn’t get to her 18th, it really is

Rio: I’m sure it would have been epic and you’d happily take that 🥈

Rio: Still, make sure you have a good day, yeah?

Rio: 16 is a biggie too

Liam: I will, I’ll be with Edie

Rio: 😊🧡

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darlinvandijk · 5 years

Text

I just need you

Concept: basically just Ruel needing a lil extra love because some days we just need a bit more love and reassurance, like we all have our days yk. As usual dm me and whatnot with request ideas for someone and I’ll be happy to comply! (Sorry if it’s really fucking long, I can’t help it lmao) I hope you enjoy :)

I let out a laugh as I read through the texts Ruel is sending me about his studio session since he is literally sending an update every 5-10 minutes. It’s a little confusing though since he never sends this many texts, which is saying a lot because we are always texting each other. He’s also only been gone for about an hour now considering he left at 7 am and it’s barely reaching 8.

As I’m heading into the kitchen of our apartment I feel my phone start to vibrate in my back pocket, I instantly pull it out to see who’s calling, only to be left confused because it’s Ruel, and he usually isn’t allowed to make any phone calls to me during studio time since I’m a “distraction”, but I just brush the concerned thoughts away, knowing he’s probably just really bored with the studio session today and was able to get a break.

“Hello? You forget something here bub?” I say as soon as I answer the call, knowing there has to be a reason Nate let him make a call to me, and also because Ruel always leaves something important here. I hear silence for a couple of moments before he finally speaks up through the phone.

“No, I just uhm needed to hear you that’s all. What’re you up to?” He mumbles with a weird underlying tone that I just can’t point out, maybe there’s something that’s actually off with him because the way he’s been acting today isn’t typical Ruel behavior.

“Ruel you just saw me like an hour ago when you woke me up to lock the door and whatnot, are you okay?” I hesitantly ask him since I know he struggles with talking about how he feels on the spot, especially in front of other people, whomst I know are sitting in the studio listening in. I also don’t want to push him and make him uncomfortable if I’m actually just looking into things too much.

“Yeah I’m all good, just recording like usual. I’ll try to come home early today, not feeling the studio session today I guess.” He says, it throws me off because lord knows that this boy is in love with music, even when the sessions can become a little tedious for him, but today was supposed to be the day he actually gets to record and be one step closer to releasing something for his fans, which I swore he was excited about a couple days ago.

“Of course baby, just take care of everything you need to, and I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get back, okay?” I tell him trying to reassure his nerves and to hopefully help him get out of the little mood he’s seemed to have got himself in, he’s probably just anxious about whether the fans will like the track or not.

“Okay, I have to go now so I can record some more. I-I love you” he mutters through the receiver with a little hitch in his voice causing me to tense up at the sound of his uneasy breathing, making me more concerned than I was seconds ago.

“I love you too, you’re gonna kill it today, and I can’t wait to hear all about it when you get back. See you soon bubs, alright?” I say putting as much reassurance into my words as I can. He replies back to me and we sign off the call, leaving me perpelxed because something was obviously wrong but I couldn’t tell if it was nerves or just him being tired.

I decide to go and clean our room and get it all prepared for the movie day I have planned in hopes of helping him relax and calm down from whatever it is that is bothering him or stressing him out. I’ve got a whole pile of junk food, specifically bags of Cheetos, and then a stack of marvel movies, with all the Spider-Man movies being a large portion of the stack.

It hits about 11 am when I hear the front door getting unlocked and footsteps entering and going into the kitchen. I walk from our bedroom to the kitchen to see Ruel silently rummaging through the cabinets looking for something.

“Looking for something specific babe?” I ask from behind him, causing him to flinch not expecting me to just show up behind him. He’s back a lot earlier than expected, but I decide to just ignore it and not question him about it incase it stresses him out even more. He gets over his little shock and turns to wrap his arms around me, squeezing me as close to him as possible. I hold him equally as tight, because I missed my bubs, even if it was only a couple hours.

“I missed you today, definitely not fun without you my love” he mumbles into my neck where he’s managed to press his face. I let out a light laugh upon feeling all the kisses he’s placing there and on my collarbone. I lightly push him away from my neck and look into his eyes, only for him to push himself against me again.

“Bubs I wanna look at youuu” I whine playfully while running my hands through his hair, causing him to let out a laugh against my shoulder. He ignores my statement and lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, and carries me into our bedroom. He sets me onto the bed before walking into our closet and changing his clothes for just a pair of sweats.

“I can feel you staring at me babygirl.” He states as I shamelessly watch him, he then turns his head to me and lifts an eyebrow up, I challenge him by staring straight into his eyes before he finally looks away with a chuckle.

“You’re my boyfriend, I have every right to stare at you” I sass him with an eye roll, causing him to laugh at me and flick my forehead once he makes it back over to the bed. He then climbs onto the bed and lays right on top of me, letting out a small sigh as he does so.

I get up to put one of the movies into the DVD player, only for Ruel to grab me and pull me back down into him. He instantly wraps himself around me, caging me into his body so that I can’t get up or leave. I look at him with a questioning look, only for him to look away and avoid my eyes.

“I got us movies, let me get up really fast so I can put one in, and then we can go back to cuddling, okay?” I ask him as I run my hands through his soft hair, he looks up at me with a soft look in his green eyes and nods his head. Before I can get up from the bed, he turns his head and gives me a soft kiss before laying back down without me. I smile at him and run my thumb across his cheek before finally putting the movie on.

I get back onto the bed and let Ruel get himself situated, since he seems to want to be really close to me today. I move so I’m leaning against the headboard, with Ruel resting his head on my chest because his back is against my stomach, or at least part of his back because that boys torso is 2x the length of mine. I bend my knees so that his body is resting between my legs and I’m practically caging him against my body.

“I love you. Like I really fucking love you princess” Ruel mumbles while grabbing my hand from playing with his hair to press a kiss to my palm. I move our hands and rest them against his chest as he leans farther back into my body.

“I know, I love you just as much” I whisper pressing a kiss to the side of his head, to which he responds by turning his body and just laying directly on top of me. He turns his head a bit and nuzzles it into my chest, leaving soft little kisses every now and then, whilst completely ignoring the movie, even though it’s one of his favorites. I notice that while he’s laying here and I’m running my fingers through his hair, his grip on me seems to be pretty tight and unmoving. Not enough to be uncomfortable or hurt, but enough to wear he’s making sure I can’t move away from him.

He gets up mumbling something about needing a bottle of water and pauses the movie, the surprisingly turns around and lifts me off the bed, carrying me to the kitchen with him to get his water.

“Uhm what’re you doing babe?” I question him as I cling onto him, since there was literally no need to bring me when it takes 30 seconds to get a water bottle and be back in the room.

“Getting water?” He questions back acting like he doesn’t know what I really mean. I give him a deadpanned look only for him to just look away and start to walk back to the room after retrieving the water bottle.

He lays us back on the bed but sets me down and then moves to lay in front of me, giving me the signal that he wants to be the little spoon, rather than the big spoon like he usually is. I wrap my body around him and feel him put his hands over mine that are resting on his abdomen. I turn off the movie when I realize he’s not watching it and instead looking at our hands.

“Is there a reason you’re being so clingy today my love?” I whisper in his ear as I trace little shapes on his stomach. He tenses up at my question and shifts to move away, causing me to grip onto him.

“I’m not trying to be clingy.” He mutters while staring straight ahead to the wall, with a slightly anxious look on his face.

“It’s not a bad thing, I love when you want to be around me like this. I’m also not going to judge you, I’m here for you to talk whenever you need it bubs, I just want to know if you’re okay. Are you okay baby?” I whisper while moving one hand from his stomach to run through his hair. He turns his body pressing his face into my neck while gripping me against him.

“I don’t know, I feel anxious and it hurts and everything is hurting me. I just don’t want it to hurt anymore.” He whispers as I feel tears soak into his shirt that I’m wearing. I lean back and wipe the tears away with my thumbs, feeling sad that my baby is hurting so much and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

“What do you want me to do baby? I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel better” I tell him while planting a kiss on the tip of his nose, because I know he likes when I do that, something about how it’s just a loving gesture that makes him feel good.

“I just need you.” his voice shakes as he says this, showing that today just really wasn’t a good day for him and his anxiety. Knowing how much it can get to him, I pull him even tighter against me while pressing light kisses to his forehead.

“I’m not going anywhere don’t worry. You have me, all of me” I whisper before giving him a kiss and letting him relax into my arms.

Everybody needs a little extra love sometimes, because some days are just worse than others, and I’ll make sure to give him all the love he needs.

happy birthday my love, you’re 17 now ♡

#ruel van dijk #ruel #one ruel #ruel imagine #ruel imagines #free time ep #ruelvincentvandijk #ruel one shot #one shot #imagines #imagine #x reader #ruel fanfic

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professordarwin · 4 years

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The Perfect 2020 Storm

It’s been too much these last few months. I’m not even sure where to begin. The situation in this country is still showing no signs of getting better, everything keeps getting darker, tempting me to leave. I commonly found myself looking for reasons to stay, but one by one they all just fade away. Let’s start with the Storm that had been growing without me noticing...

My friend’s GF has always assummed I am the worst. For some reason, every little thing I do seems to be used by her to justify her rage against me. Over the past few months I have thought about what it could be. Maybe she was insecure and needed me to be as well, maybe it was because she like my girlfriend, she even tried to hit on her when I wasn’t present, suggesting that we were not meant to be together, which is fucked up. Maybe I remineded her of someone that treated her baddly. The thing is, I barely even talked to her, she always seemed unstable and I didn’t want to be around people like that anymore, but I never told her this or did anything against, and even then... Why?

Things with my girlfriend had also been rough, I love her but every week she would get upset about the littlest of things, I talked with her about this and she always ends up saying that it’s because she doesn’t feel loved, even though I told her I loved her every single day, I sent her food when she didn’t want to eat because she was feeling down, and hold her next to me when she would wake up from nightmares. She nevered seemded to remember this things when discussing how I didn’t love her enough, it was never enough. She told me that I was damaging her emotionally, that she couldn’t accept it anymore... Honestly, it was shitty for both of us.

A few weeks ago we where going to play DnD with my friend, her GF, mine two other people and me. We had been playing Divinity original sin 2 with my GF, but she was already moody because the game had a weird interface and supposevely I had made a stupid choice for both of us (We were only 30 minutes in the game). We realised we were late so we stopped the game. When we got into the discord call I asked her if she save the game just in case and she told me that she had already closed the game as if my question was stupid. I didn’t want to make a scene so I brushed it off. We started playing and eventually got to a point where my GF’s character realised who the murderer’s of her family were, obviously her character was shocked and she made very clear that another character should talk to hers. Now, my paladin was known to be a selfish jerk from the beginning, so it made no sense for him to approach out of the blue her character. However my friend’s GF insisted that it should be me, making very clear that she was implying that it was my GF and I should talk to her. Because breaking inmerssion in a fictional game instead of talking things directly is always the best. Eventually we got into combat, my GF was trying to give the finishing blow and used a spell that according to her never misses. I told her that that’s not how the spell works and she got upset saying that that’s how it has always been, even though I had told her before after another session this wasn’t the case. She then got angrier and asked the DM what to do, and the DM told her that if that was what the rules said then that’s how it is. She got really upset and began implying that I was a selfish cheater and that I made up my own rules. Honestly this made no sense but I didn’t want to make more drama now so whatever. After the game she kept saying that I had no right to say what I sad and that I should let the DM handle it, I explained that it was a very basic rule and that the DM even agreed to it, but she didn’t care. After all that unnecesary bullshit I had had enough...

The next day I talked with her and let her know that it made no sense for us to be togegher if I was always going to be a pain for her. She tried to say that we could work it out but I made very clear that we tried before and it wasn’t going to work, she also told me that apparently in a different group they had they all agreed that I was being super annoying in the game. Yeah, sure, my friends GF is in that group and has had a history of telling my friend that I was being mean to her and needed to be stopped, even though we hadn’t even spoke. I asked my friend about this but he told me the main issue was that not everyone was having fun, never really admiting to saying anything against me. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, even though they could have talked to me about this supposed issue themselves instead of me finding out because someone told me while fulled by rage. So I texted them in the group saying sorry for explaining the rules of the game. But my friends GF was not taking it, she was making passie aggresive comments immplying that I had gone TOO FAR, and that I made everyone unconfortable. So yeah, my GF can tell me that I’m a cheater but if I explain a rule I’m making everything awakward... Another who I talked very little with even came to defend me, saying that I was just explaining basic rules and didn’t think I deserved all the things she was saying. I wanted to see if the would reconsidered, but instead he could me a liar piece of shit who talks shit behind everyones back (But you did....Whatever) and that ever since she knew me she could tell I was going to be an asshole. Shen proceded to kick me out of the DnD group... Wow...

Honestly, it was too much for me. The worst part is that NO ONE even talked to me after, not even my friend. They haven’t add me back to the group even to this day. When I tried to talk to my friend to know if I did something to upset him he just told me that it was his GF that was upset because I treated my girlfriend poorly. I told him that she said I made him cry and talked shit behind him and if asked him if he could told me when this happended but he avoided the questions saying it was because of how I treated my girlfriend... He never took responsability of how his GF acted... Honestly I lost a very old friend that day, he was distant and it was like talking to someone in a parallel dimension.

That day I realised that a lot of people were talking shit behind my back, even possibly my best friend. My now ex-girlfriend told me that she sometimes talked to them about how she felt, but it never occured to her that it would cause this, insisting that it was actually about how I never talked to my friends GF... How can someone even come to that point? We barely spoke so how?

The part that still stinks is that my friend insisted in adding her to our close friends whats app group. And now she is still talking there, as if nothing had happended... I though you hated me but apparently you have no issue being in the same group as me now? It just pains me too much, it pains me a lot because now some people are just going to hate me, because they feel that was she said was true...

Today I talked with my group of friends about this and they all seemed to agree that she crossed the line. I focused to much on avoiding drama but I can’t take it anymore, she verbally abused me and it’s not fair. I don’t know how my friend will react to her GF being kicked, but honestly she took it too far...

After all of this... I just want to leave, I just want to move to another country. This place has been giving me nothing but reasons to live. I’m not in a relationship anymore, I lost one of my oldest friends and the economy is going down...

I just want to be happy, I just need peace...

Please?

#journal #2020 #dear diary #diary #log

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heyktula · 4 years

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Closer, Chapter Three: Consensual - Bonus Features

Chapter three of Closer, the first installment in Somewhere in Canada (the Terror kink AU)... is now up! It's a long one again! The author continues to not be sorry!

Same deal as last week--technical notes first, story notes after, line notes to finish it all up.

Alright, here we go.

Technical Considerations:

Language: Phew, okay. So, I've written plenty of "hard kink written hard" (and arguably some "soft kink written hard"), but with this piece, I specifically wanted to do "hard kink written soft" so, uh, language is a thing! Ie, the sentence "Edward curled his hand into a fist and punched Jopson" does not belong in this fic, because there is nothing soft about that sentence no matter how much Edward loves him positive regard Edward is feeling toward his play partner.

So in order to make this fly the way I wanted to (ie, softly), I tried to avoid over-use of words like "fist", "hit", "punch", and that type of thing. I ended up in a really interesting rabbit hole that I think helped me get further into Edward's head, because the narrative had to become more focused on the technical aspects of what he's doing, and the physical results it's having on Jopson. It also emphasizes the continual assessment of how things are going that's necessary to do this kind of play safely--especially when it's the first time doing this type of play with a partner. And, it's in-character--Edward is an over-thinker anyway.

(I think the scene would have been softer, and probably more romantic, in Jopson's POV, but it would have been far blurrier as well, because he's pretty deep in subspace.)

While I'm talking about language, I'll just mention one other thing--Edward's knowledge of trans men has been academic up to this point, and he's approaching it the same way he approaches everything else, which is listening, learning as fast as he can, and taking Jopson's lead. It also means he's using--and will continue to use--the same language for Jopson as he would for any other man.

Capitalization of Sir: There's a whole entire thing in some subsets of BDSM about capitalization. At the extreme end, all references to the dominant are capitalized, all references to the submissive are lower case, and all references to both are split-capped (is that how it's referred to? I have no idea, but it describes what I mean, so I'm going with it.). It can lead to sentences like "In the dungeon, My pet, michael, always follows the rules W/we have agreed on".

I can't see either Jopson or Little going for that, so we have the more casual version of it going on here--"Sir" is capitalized, but everything else is conventionally capitalized. In a (hypothetical) situation where Jopson was collared to Edward, but referred to someone else in a casual "yes, sir" way, "sir" would be lower case. But then, for extra confusion, for someone like Sir John, where the sir is part of his scene name, it'd stay capitalized, even though Jopson's not collared to him.

(For some reason, I can't picture Sir John not using Sir John as a scene name. James Clark Ross, on the other hand, I feel can take or leave the title unless he's entered into a formal arrangement with someone, in which case that's between him and Ann and whoever else to sort something out.)

Hard Cuts: That's right, I put a hard cut in the middle of the dungeon scene. In my defense, it takes a while to bruise someone whose skin is resistant to bruising, and it's a very repetitive process. Jopson and Edward had a perfectly nice time without us, and I documented most of the good bits for you. (I do feel a bit bad for skipping the majority of the aftercare, but imo, the story arc is fine as it is, and we see enough to know that Jopson has his jacket around his shoulders the way he wanted it, so we can assume Edward bossed it out for the rest of the aftercare too.)

Story Considerations:

Bootblacking: I am not a bootblack. Ideally, this isn't obvious, because I did Online Research, but for people who do bootblack, I'm sorry if I fucked it up.

Also, one thing that I learned in the course of my research is that there's two different kinds of boots--regular boots, which need to be polished, and then oil-tanned boots, which need to be conditioned instead. I gave Edward oil-tanned boots, because that involves a hell of a lot of leg massage via rubbing conditioner into the boot, and I wanted Edward to have a nice tactile experience. (Okay, fine, I also wanted Jopson to be able to show off his skillset.)

Consent Negotiation: I love consent negotiation. I think it's great foreplay, a great way to build hype for a scene, and I think it gives you a sense of a person before you go in and do intimate and/or dangerous stuff with them. I think Edward's initial plan for having the consent negotiation once they'd moved over to the mats was good. I think Jopson's plan of doing the consent negotiation while Edward was a captive audience getting his boots conditioned was better.

There's so many bits and pieces to consent negotiation as well--there's the physical bit (like medical conditions and whether you've had food/water recently--after all, you're putting your body through something challenging, and if you're dehydrated or fasting, that's not ideal conditions), there's the mental bit (like not liking to be humiliated, and any trigger words or actions that should be avoided), and then there's the actual activities that you're going to plan on doing. Typically, there would be an additional bit, and that would be the sharing of STI results. Edward skipped that during this negotiation for two reasons--firstly, he generally just does dry play, ie, no body fluids exchanged. And, secondly, no sex in this particular dungeon. As it turned out, it wouldn't have hurt to have done that.

(Jopson clearly did his own risk assessment on the barrier-free blowjob, and was fine with his chances--but, then, I suspect if you read between the lines on Edward's blog, the lack of a fluid-bonded partner, or an intimate partner of any kind, would have been apparent.)

Dungeon Monitors: Dungeon monitors (DMs) are present in most dungeons, except the play-at-your-own-risk-in-someone's-basement type (and sometimes even those have them). Their general function is to make sure that people are safe, that equipment is being cleaned properly after use, that medical treatment is provided if it's needed, and that type of thing. I figured the medical team was a good translation, so between Goodsir and McDonald, they're splitting the dungeon between themselves for the first chunk of the night. (Presumably Peddie and Stanley are on the later shift, or maybe Bridgens is assisting, but either way, Edward was not paying attention and did not care.)

(I bet Stanley hates dungeon shifts.)

DMs generally wear vests or some sort of gear that makes them easy to spot, which is especially important when they're almost always members of the community as well, meaning that they need to distinguish between when they're on duty, and when they're playing. The radios are handy in case an ambulance needs to be called, which does sometimes happen, but it's also good to allow them to communicate with each other.

For the majority of play, it's not necessary to talk to a DM beforehand. (YMMV, consult your dungeon rules, etc.) In Edward and Jopson's case, since they're going fairly hard, it's a good idea to give a heads-up to your DM to let them know that the scene is happening. McDonald would have been watching them pretty sharply as the play got going, and then probably less so once they settled into it.

Edward noticed exactly zero of this, because he didn't care.

(I guess an additional note there is that sometimes there's a "fear factor" involved in physical play, where the dominant/top partner is specifically and consensually trying to instigate a fear reaction in the submissive/bottom partner. So in that case, having a DM aware of what's happening and what the safewords are is real important to make sure that everything is above-board, ie, the safewords aren't being deliberately ignored.)

Dungeon Rules: They totally would have fucked if they hadn't been in Canada.

Sorry to both of them, but sorry to Jopson in particular.

Subspace: So subspace is basically an altered state of consciousness that can be dropped into during BDSM play. Every submissive/bottom gets there at different speeds and through different methods. Jopson is a masochist, so pain will get him there--but he's deeply into ritual as well, and so just the act of bootblacking for an hour prior to Edward getting there has already gotten him started on that path--though, as he notes, not far enough that he can't pull himself back out of it if it's no longer appropriate to be in it. It's sort of like a hot bath, in that way--if you've just dipped your toes in it, fine, you can go answer the doorbell. But if you've been submerged in the tub for an hour, you're not getting out unless something really pressing happens.

The general, uh, fuzzy nature of subspace means that Edward's call not to discuss facefucking was a good one, because Jopson would have just said yes, and Edward would have derailed himself wondering if it was an honest yes. As it was, Edward got the unprompted deepthroating, and I don't think he has any regrets whatsoever about that one.

Line Notes:

There’s no way for Jopson to know that Edward purchased two collars for him, but he’s showing off his neck like he’s trying to make a point of it, like he’s trying to bring out all the possessive bits that Edward is trying to keep tamped down.

That's exactly what he's doing, Edward. He's trying to gently coax you into going feral on him.

He should have adjusted his dick before he sat down, but it’s too late to do that now without being territorial about it.

Tozer wouldn't hesitate for one moment. He adjusts his dick when he feels like it. Just as an aside.

I don’t see you, Edward wants to say. How have I lived my entire fucking life without ever having seen you?

It's because you and Tozer go to the shittier clubs with louder music and younger people, and I don't think Jopson has been to a club like that in his entire life.

(God, I have, like, an entire essay worth of headcanons about Jopson and his Terror and Erebus experiences.)

“Safeword,” Edward says, after some time has passed.

Jopson looks up at him, eyes wide, and says nothing.

So, we were talking about Jopson's risk assessments earlier, re: the blowjob, and here's another point where Jopson is flirting with the possibility of playing with Edward irresponsibly. I think there's a couple different things to observe here--and the first is that the ideal response is the one that Edward gives, which is essentially "absolutely fuck that, we'll play with a safeword that you're going to use when you need it, or we won't play at all". The other responses are...less than ideal, but Jopson might have still played with Edward under those circumstances anyways, and that's on Joppie to justify, cuz I'm not gonna bend over backwards to justify that for him. I do think, though, that there's a couple points that happen over the course of the weekend where nobody would blame Jopson if he was doing an assessment and figuring out--is there the possibility of a long-term thing here, or is this a one-weekend-only thing? And in every case, Edward is coming down solidly into the long-term possibility category.

Jopson frees the laces, runs them between his fingers. “I’ll get chatty before I get quiet. When I stop responding verbally when you speak to me, pull me back out, please—speak to me, get me something to drink. Drape my jacket back over my shoulders.” His mouth twists a moment. “I may get…affectionate, but you shouldn’t—”

There's so much here that I want to talk about! First of all, Jopson is highly comfortable with and cognizant of his own response to this type of play, and he's able to articulate that response very clearly--which is something that comes with experience. He's communicating to Edward the point where he wants the play to stop--ie, when he no longer responds verbally--and he's also clear about what needs to be done to gently tug him back out of it. (Coming back out of it isn't always required, but in this case, since they're sleeping separately and working in the morning, it's for the best.)

If Jopson had finished his last sentence, it would have been along the lines of "I may get affectionate, but you shouldn't take it seriously if I do". I pulled directly from Jopson's abandonment issues in canon for that one, and it hurts my feelings to put it here, but it's here so that Edward can respond appropriately this time. I think any feelings that Jopson has during scenes are legitimate--but I also suspect, based on this, that Jopson has been affectionate during scenes before, and had that affection rebuffed, or had it indicated to him that the affection wasn't welcome or needed, so he's used to disclaiming it. Which, ouch.

“Good job,” he says, voice low and right next to Jopson’s ear. “Pack your things. I’m coming back for you.”

Speaking of AU!Edward Littles that didn't fuck up their decisions, here's one right here.

His hand is pleasantly tingling, his mind starting to fuzz out with endorphins, and he wants Jopson to feel the same—

So Edward puts literally zero thought into his own headspace throughout this scene, because that's the kind of POV character he is, but you can see the beginning of his...actually, I don't even know the word for it. Whatever the equivalent of subspace is for doms, Edward is getting into it.

I like symmetry

Says the man with the tattoo on one arm. Alright, Ned. Alright.

"Mrf." Jopson swallows, the movement of his neck something Edward can actually feel, now that he's carrying Jopson fully. "Don’t want to derail the scene—I just—a minute—your cock is quite distracting."

I love that all the physical play was just fine, but it's being nestled against Edward's hardon that makes Jopson need a minute. (Which, fair.)

“Yeah,” Edward manages. “I can—I can do that. You, uh, the safewords?”

One of the things I really love about Edward here is that when he gets overwhelmed with how awesome something is, he reverts back to safety and checking in with his partner. (I'm pretty sure you could contrast that with Tozer, who I'm pretty sure would just talk filth until he'd gotten a grip on things again, and Crozier, who I see as pretty unflappable during play considering that he hasn't met a certain "online guy" yet.)

“I can’t believe we can’t fuck in here,” Jopson mutters grouchily.

Couldn't get ploughed in the dungeon the way I wanted, 0/10 on TripAdvisor.

Edward puts his hands behind his head, tugs at his own hair a moment to ground himself, and then curls his hands into fists where Jopson can’t see them, brings them down and around, quick and sudden, thumping the sides of his hands into Jopson’s ribs.

The very first time I was in a rough play workshop, this move was demonstrated. The demo bottom was facing the audience, and the presenter was sitting on a table behind him. They had him put his hands behind his neck and just stand there and wait while they was talking about something else, but from our position in the audience, we could see them raise their hands above their head, and knew what they were going to do, because they mimed it out for us first. I think that's where I fell in love with this kind of play, because they made it fun.

“I’ll go faster for the rest,” Edward promises. “Keep counting, and you’ll get your reward on five.”

Or, you know, on six, because one of you wanted five hits in a row and restarted the count on purpose, and the other one of you stuck to your promise of going with a verbal command of five because there wasn’t enough time to go through the whole ‘what is the correct response here’ and muscle memory won out over anxiety domming. (You can save your “oops”, Jopson, we all know it’s insincere.)

Jopson doesn’t scream. His entire body goes stiff, breath sucking quick into his lungs and his fingernails digging sharply into Edward’s bare back, legs clenching around Edward’s thigh, and it’s like time just fucking stops for one ecstatic moment until Jopson goes limp, his hands patting randomly on Edward’s back, over the scratches he’s just left in Edward’s skin that Edward is going to treasure forever, because he did that to Jopson and he’s going to wear these scratches with fucking pride.

Y'all, Edward "so excited about the part where he scratched me that I completely missed the part where he came" Little. He'll be here all weekend.

Jopson blinks, slow and easy. “Quite lovely, thank you. Everything cleaned up?”

I'm deeply in favour of doms who look after cleaning up the space while their subs recover. I'm not convinced that Little and Jopson will fall into that pattern permanently, but I think it's a sweet gesture on Edward's part that he looks after everything for their first time. It's also a very encouraging thing for Jopson--because, say, if he was trying to make sure that he wasn't going to have his service taken for granted, this is a good indication that it won't be.

Edward feels vaguely like he should demur, out of manners, or, uh. Concern for Jopson’s knees, or—or his, um. Aftercare. Or. Or something.

I love deep POV.

Edward raises his eyebrows, deliberately puts his hands flat on the wall behind him. He’s suddenly very, very hard. “I’m not gonna stop you if you want to do it yourself,” he says, voice rough. “That’s hot as fuck.”

*eyeballs emoji*

(And we can make a note of that particular detail for the next chapter, when Edward awkwardly discloses something that Jopson already suspects--or, at least, would suspect if he weren't currently high as fuck on happy endorphins.)

“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” Edward says. He swallows. “I—uh. Sorry, this is stupid, I forgot they were there—I generally do, you know, warn people in advance, this isn’t how I normally—I, uh.”

I suspect the actual issue here is that the last time Edward had his dick sucked, there wasn't nearly as much metal in it, so "hey my dick is heavily pierced" isn't a conversation that he's used to having, but Edward can excuse this however he likes.

...it’s just—he’s just—he’s never—not without his partner gagging, and there were always other things they could do, there were always—fuck—this was never a priority...

Little refuses to think of his own dick as big, because it's the dick he's always had, so unfortunately, this is the closest we're gonna get to confirmation of his dick size in his POV.

Edward can feel—oh, fuck, no, that’s not just his cock, he can feel his own piercings in Jopson’s throat, the hard balls of the barbells firm under his fingertips, and Edward’s balls tighten.

I don't want to admit how much time I spent trying to figure out if this was a legitimate thing, but it was more than an hour, I couldn't find an answer, I have no one to ask, and I liked the mental image too much to let it go, so now we're all stuck with it.

I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.

Edward takes a deep breath, steps into the hotel room, and shoulders his responsibilities.

Edward, sweetie. Sol would be the first one to tell you that he can handle himself.

I mean, we can all agree that he clearly didn’t handle himself particularly well tonight.

But he’d be the first one to tell you to fuck off.

Phew. That's it for this week! Chapter four, Kink, goes up next Friday, and we'll touch on Solomon Tozer's no-good very-bad day then.

And if you have questions or anything in the meantime, you can always drop me an ask on tumblr or Curious Cat. I know I didn't cover everything, even in this long-ass entry, cuz there's a fuck of a lot of stuff going on in the foreground, much less the background. I honestly don't mind if you ask, it's totally cool. :)

See you next week!

#the terror #the terror fic #fic: closer #joplittle #fic breakdown #ktula writes #fic: the terror kink au

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hecohansen31 · 5 years

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Angel

Jim Mason+Influencer! Reader:

(A/N): Hello lovelies!

I am very happy to have you back in this last episode of this miniseries, which I really hope you’ll like, alongside, again, if you have more ideas and want to send asks about this verses... I AM READY FOR IT, BRING IT ON BITCHES!

Also... I have said that this fic might be a bit self-indulgent and it is because, although I am not an influencer of any kind, I am very active on my social medias (mostly instagram, if you want to follow me or anything, and we are mutuals, just DM me) and this July I ended up hitting a very bad kind of exhaustion from that platform.

I honestly ended up feeling extremely shitty, alongside discovering many fake people who were around me, and for this reason I am happy that I managed to get here on tumblr (although there are some fake people on here, but like I don’t have to interact with them).

So, although the cyberbullying part of the story is only fictional, the exhaustion that took over reader, ended up being a reality for me, a bit ago, and although I am all better (better than before), I just wanted to remind you to take healthy pauses from social medias.

Also please don’t shame people who work on them, alongside use them as an outlet for anxiet and stress (like me).

I really hope you won’t judge me too badly, after this...

Also I’ll just remind you to show some love, if you like this, with hearts, reblogs (possibly saying something) and if you have anything to say about these, my DMs and asks are always open!

Much love!

SUMMARY: Jim Mason takes care of his social media exhausted girlfriend.

WORDS: 1,7 K

WARNINGS: Mention of Cyberbulling And Exhaustion from Social Medias (I WASN’T CYBERBULLIED, although I had my fair share of assholish comment, NOT HERE, but the cyberbullying was only fictional, whereas exhaustion is something I experienced back in July)

Jim knew of his girlfriend’s social media fame.

Although he wasn’t informed about the entire thing and how it worked, being more focused on staying in the moment and living it, he was proud of what she achieved with her photos and captions, even going as far as helping her shot a few.

He still remembered the way she smiled gently meanwhile he tried to take photos of her, meanwhile she pointed out each cheap tip she knew, starting with “shoot from a lower angle than my height, so that I might appear taller” and “make sure to take the right light”.

She might have seemed shallow to others, but whenever Jim cried his heart out in her arm, she only had the sweetest words for him, calming him down enough that they fell asleep calmly, next to each other in her simple pull-out.

She cuddled closer to him, whenever she understood he needed it and made sure to always be there, next to him, her entire attention focused on him.

He had never checked her profile, mostly because she had pleaded with him not to give it a look.

“It’s silly” she had mumbled, meanwhile she had tried to get his phone off his hands “… and embarrassing!”.

And Jim had respected her wishes, offering just his help with photos or ideas, but whenever they were together, the entire social media thought was off the rack between them, preferring a direct conversation, although sometimes she got in overload and at that time social medias were her outlet.

But sometimes they were also her damnation.

Jim had noticed the difference in his girlfriend’s mood, since the start of the week: quieter and definitely less happy, a mumble being her way to speak, if she spoke up, clearly not energetic in the slightest and definitely not focused.

His knowledge of drugs and their effects had made him think that she might have been under those, but slowly the unfocused glaze had moved from rage to sadness: one day she was moping on the beach and another she almost got into a rage-filled fight with whatever was not working.

Jimmy had tried his best to understand her, but she didn’t want to talk about it with him so he tried to stay close to her, but the bad week moved to two bad weeks and there Jim had thought about searching through her social, mostly due to the fact that she focused on them more, even neglecting herself and him a bit.

“I just need to write the last paragraph” she had mumbled, meanwhile she had refused to stop writing to sleep a bit or “I will eat after I edited this photo, I mean… I don’t need food”.

It all got Jim worried, more and more.

And then he had decided that he had only one chance to discover what was going on.

He had opened Instagram, her major social network, and then had moved to her profile, the public one (she had a private one, full of photos that made Jim’s heart jump: candid of them together, not professionally taken but… Jim loved them all the same) and had gone through it.

He had first seen that she hadn’t any stories going on, which was unusual since she did her best to try to at least show a bit of her everyday life each day.

“So, my followers don’t feel left out” she had mumbled and although Jim had thought it was a strange voyeuristic idea, he had just hugged her and called her “angel”.

“Angel” was also part of her username on Instagram, due mostly to her followers, which had started calling her “angel”, because of the intrinsic sweetness of her posts and the personality she showed on the social network.

The stories thing had been already strange, but also her follower count had diminished, nothing too bad, but he had heard his angel protest about that.

“I just can’t believe that these people unfollow me just because I don’t follow them back and you know what is worst… I have talked to them… I felt like… we were friends”.

But he had soon discovered the true reason behind his girlfriend’s sadness: the comments honestly made him angry.

The most recent ones were ruthless: “you are fat”, “kill yourself” “you are annoying”…

And they went on, although some were sweeter, clearly (Y/N)’s true fans.

He had honestly hoped it was a troll, nothing but a joke.

But those comments had been serious, since he hadn’t been able to recognize the familiar path of a troll, instead they were real people, under fake accounts or their real accounts sharing that hate.

He honestly hadn’t been able to stop himself from feeling furious now that he understood what was going on, and meanwhile he had signaled each negative comment, he had seen the stories light up, the first one of the day.

A photo with a writing on it: “guys I just wanted to let you know that I will be taking a pause, due to all the hate I have been getting, I don’t know when I will get back”.

Although the text has been intelligently written and concealed her emotion, he had clearly known she was crying meanwhile writing it.

He knew how much work she put into the social media, although it never was her job, she had started, long before meeting him, using it as a relief method from her own problem, so to be let down this way….

… it obviously hurt her.

After he had signaled enough accounts he had just tried to let the rage burn down, meanwhile he had created a plan to make his angel feel better: his first idea had been to go out, knowing that an expensive dinner and a few dances might get her distracted, but this would just push just the argument further.

So, he had just organized a home-made dinner (which meant him ordering take-out), bribing her to attend it with the promise of a lot of cuddles and a make-out session and most importantly to watch for the umpteenth times her favorite movie.

She clearly felt a bit better, when she finally walked in his house, being swept off her feet by an ecstatic Jim, who gently kissed her forehead, before he had put her down, leading her to the little kitchen of his apartment, the one his father had gotten him once he had gone out of rehab.

It was nice, although pretty small, but Jim loved it all more, and since he had met his angel it had all been better.

They had made so many memories, alongside she had helped perfecting it all.

“Ma’am, please sit down” he helped her to the dinner table, taking her jean jacket and her bag, coming back with an open bottle of wine, which he poured in their inadequate glasses, and with the first course, (Y/N)’s favorite course.

“Oh, you went all out” her smile didn’t reach her eyes, but she was indeed grateful, holding out her hand to grab his, which was kept tangled with his for the entire dinner

She talked about her day, chirping happily meanwhile she avoided carefully the social media argument and Jim didn’t pressure her, just watching her eat, in peaceful silence and only when they moved to wash the dishes he grumbled lowly:

-… sweetie, I checked your page on Instagram- he felt her grow stiff next to him -… I know that it embarrasses you, but I thought that you had been so gloomy these past weeks and I thought that your social media might have been bothering you, extremely… so I had to do something…-.

-Oh Jimmy! – she was avoiding his eyes, clearly ashamed -… I am so sorry you had to see all that… it…-.

-You are getting hate thrown your way for nothing, (Y/N)- he wanted to make sure she knew it wasn’t her fault In the slightest -…I can’t honestly fathom people doing this to you, whereas you have been nothing but an angel with them-.

-I am not sure… I mean…- a sad smile was on her face -… I am pretty sure that many people will call me a bitch with no problem…-.

-… well I am gonna fight them all, babe- he brought her closer and smacked a sound kiss on her head -… you don’t deserve this hate, believe me, I spent two hours trying to ban each asshole-.

-That is incredibly sweet, Jimmy Boy- she giggled, but a few tears shone on his eyes -… but I don’t think that it will stop the hate from spreading; that’s why I decided to take a holiday-.

Jim saw that an honest smile shone on her face and moved the rag onto its hook to hug her better, bearhugging her and gently caressing her back, gently, and shushing her cries.

-Angel of mine, I am so so sorry I was not able to know more about this- he mumbled, feeling a low protest -… I honestly thought it wasn’t that bad-.

-I didn’t even talk about it with you- she justified softly, getting a bit of distance between them to be able to watch him in the eyes -… I wanted to handle on my own, because, at first, I thought it wasn’t anything worrying, and then… I just felt like social media were a thing I needed to solve alone, my thing-.

He knew this came from all the prejudices linked with her passion for social medias: he had heard about some of her friends annoying her saying not only she was asocial, but also self-absorbed.

She hadn’t been very open about her life on them with him, also because of this, thinking that he would be making fun of her, exactly like her “friends”.

-I know that you take pride into your profile, but… you can lean onto me, I am here for you- he promised her looking at her in the eyes with extreme seriousness, before hugging her close, keeping his lips on her forehead, a comforting gesture -… I am still extremely proud of you for recognizing that you were having troubles and deciding to distance yourself from that… you are one smart angel-.

She giggled at the nickname, before freeing herself from his hug, although she still felt extremely bad, a smile shone on her face.

-Now you better get in your comfortable pajama, because this smart angel wants to watch for the umpteenth time (Y/F/F), with a lot of cuddles- and she turned around, getting a slight slap on her ass from Jim.

-… don’t forget the make-out session! -.

---

Hello lovelies!

Thank you for coming this far, in my self-indulgent mumbling and thank you for sticking me all through this series, I really hope you enjoyed it, and in case some of you want to read the previous chapters, you might find them here! (Duncan) (Michael)

@so-langdon @1-800-bitchcraft @emmyrosee @blakewaterxx @rocketgirl2410 @ladynuwanda @w0nder-marie @bitchchatter @eternalnostalgia @chirpdesu @dreamxcollide @head-full-of-thougts @lonely-cloud @im-the-music-whore @orendamill @ayeayecaptaingally @loveofmonstersandroses @kleineshaschen @dramapenguinthe3rd @drama-penguins @vampirefairyestelle @ @hplotrfan @a-exmrie @meandmystrangehabits @lovelylangdonx @britishmoonchild @michael-langdon-appreciation (I keep tagging you and please let me know if it is fine, but I know that you liked the previous chapter!) @mega-combusken @frenchbread4ever @confettucini @what-the-hecku @langdonsplaytoy @saviorinsilk @cherrysoda-com@loveableasshole @sona-blues @xoxocrystal17 @bish-ima-clown @idespac @annielovebug22 @literary-monster @g4ost @rubyeru @breakingsupernaturlbad101 @dyns33 @hadeslittlewhore @ lsutgurxb @kelncurls @lathraios @rosegoldrichie @ohlookheather @ softyash @honeylavender-bombshell @ swinginfestivalhoagieflap @lotsofhunny @ ashleyallen-queen-carter @ uniquepandaeagleparty @ elviradamien23

#jim mason #jim mason x reader #jim mason hc #the tribes of palos verdes #tribes of palos verdes #tribes #tribes of PV #palos verdes #cody fern #jim mason reader #jim mason moodboard #michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #ahs #ahs apocalypse #jim mason fanfic #jim mason fan fic #jim mason one shot

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my-brothers-corrupted · 5 years

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Guidelines for My Brothers, Corrupted

Why henlo! This is, as you probably know by this point, an ask blog for Anti and the five egos, corrupted by his influence. We’re here to have fun and be angsty, are we not? Okay but here’s some rules and answers to questions you might have.

What are the boys called?

The egos, with the exception of Anti, have “corruption names” which they are instructed to go by at all times. If you see them being called by their original names, it is A) indicative that they are in some way loosened from Anti’s control in that moment, or B) Mod made a typo. C’est la vie. They go by

Jackie - Red (or Hoodie)

Marvin - Blue (or Kitty)

Henrik - Doktor (or Deutsch)

Chase - Trickshot

JJ - Dapper (or Carver or Monochroma)

The nicknames are just in case you have preferences and so you understand if the other egos call them by these names. You can totally call them by their usual names in your ask. However, you should be aware that it will be as though they had not heard the name - if you send “Does the name Jackie mean anything to you?” he’ll say no. Likewise, questions like “You need to remember who you are, Chase” will only reach him as “You need to remember who you are, Trickshot.” Saying their names will not cause them to remember.

What can I send?

Bruh, anything! It doesn’t have to be just angsty, it can be anything. Happy, sad, random, plot-seeking. You can ask Anti questions too if you’d like.

Why haven’t you answered my ask?

This should be a fairly rare question if you give me at least a couple days before getting stressed or offended or anything. I might not have answered your ask because

I’m waiting for another plot point/more relevant mood before posting a response

You’ve cleverly discovered something I need a little more time to develop

I can’t think of a good response right now and I want to think on it a while!

I’ve gotten a lot of really similar asks and just answered one instead of all. Usually I will screenshot your ask and add it to the other.

My internet or yours is being an asshole

Your ask made me uncomfortable (it’s okay, you can message me if you have questions and we can revise the ask in a way we both like! But I reserve the right to say “um, no” if you’re being pushy or rude about it or if it’s just a really uncomfortable question)

I’m busy! Sorry :( I’ll try to get back to you soon :)

Again, feel free to dm me if you have questions about why I haven’t posted something and as long as you’re not being a jerk about it we’ll totally figure it out

Is there a plot and how do I catch up to it?

There is a plot! Once a “chapter” is finished I will post that it is over and reveal the title that I’ve been working with. However, this plot is not heavily structured. We can go as slow or as fast as we want and if I decide to throw in new elements that I think of on the fly, let’s do it! If there’s something in particular you want to see (this character getting sick, this thing happening) feel free to message me and we might work it in.

This is my first time running an ask blog and I had a TON of fun with my test run. But if I treat it more casually and decide not to go with a really structured plot - well, we’ll see what happens.

What sort of things should I know about the story before sending an ask?

Okay, yeah, let’s lay down some bases.

The egos have little to no memories of the time before they were corrupted

The relationships between many of the egos are tense, as Anti has intentionally pitted many of them against each other, but others remain shakily friendly with each other.

I use a “looking through a camera” format for my egos but there’s not actually a camera and you can ask any of them what’s going on at any time (if you see Chase “holding the camera” you can still ask JJ something in another room

Due to their abuse and the control Anti has on them, some or all of the egos may be unreliable narrators.

Anti knows you’re here and allows the egos to speak with you for his own reasons. If you ask questions he does not like, he may react.

Can I reblog with additional questions instead of sending an ask?

Yes. But you should be aware that A) I am less likely to see and remember it than if you send an ask and B) I am unlikely to reblog a certain entry multiple times. So asks are better, but I’ll check reblogs and try to reply to them too.

Can I tag you in things I create for this au?

HELL YEAH GAMER i LOVE your amazing art, edits, writing, moodboards, and more. Please do credit me, but also tag me just so I can see!!! I may or may not reblog creations but I appreciate the hell out of every single one of them.

Do you tag triggers?

Course, I’m not an asshole! I’m a pretty careful tagger and anything obvious (gun, gore, torture, panic attack, etc) should be tagged. HOWEVER - dudes real talk okay - I’m not going to tag abuse because as far as I’m concerned this whole ask blog is a major abuse trigger. PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND CONSIDER AVOIDING THIS BLOG IF ABUSE IS TRIGGERING TO YOU.

You’re so valid and I don’t want you to get hurt. If there is a more specific abuse tag I can use to help you - or ANYTHING that you need tagged - please feel free to hit me up. I will absolutely work to accommodate.

I reblog this when we get new waves of followers or there’s some sort of problem! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

You guys are great! Looking forward to writing this story together.

#not a reply #guidelines #rules #faq #long post #mod talks

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master-sass-blast · 5 years

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Found Family Part Four: Nathan “Cable” Summers.

This might just be the single best fic I’ve ever written. Holy shit.

Summary: An over view of your relationship with Nathan “Cable” Summers. Has tie ins with Myshka and Dig the Needle In, set before Rubber Meets Road.

Rating: T for adult language, mention of abuse, injuries, and death, and angst.

Pairings: Piotr Rasputin x Reader and Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson.

This the fourth installment of a mini-series I’ve been working on! Check out the first three parts here: Wade, Neena, The Three Teens.

A massive thank you to the amazing @leo-writer for reading over this for me and reassuring me that it is, in fact, good.

Tag List: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie (if you want to be added to the list, DM me or drop me an ask).

(X-Force Rap lyrics found here.)

Nathan Charles “Cable” Summers is an enigma. A grumpy, gun-toting enigma with a techno-organic arm, eye, and various miscellaneous parts.

He spends most of his time with Wade despite the fact that he seems just as annoyed by the merc’s antics as everyone else. He spends his time either working with the X-Men or working on his mission to unfuck the Earth. Given the amount of coffee he downs on daily basis, you’re not sure when he sleeps.

He also wears bifocals when he reads, practices yoga and meditation, and has a vegetable garden that he lets the students at the Institute help him with.

Nathan Charles “Cable” Summers is… weird.

***

You meet him for the first time shortly after your arrival at the Institute.

“This is one of our training rooms,” Charles explains as he gives you the grand tour of the place. “We do require our residents to under go basic mutation control training for safety purposes.” He wheels towards a man with gray hair and a metal arm. “This is Cable. He’ll be your training mentor for the time being.”

Cable turns, techno-organic eye glowing orange as he looks you over. “You have any experience with sparring?”

You blink. “Uh… no.”

“Firearm handling?”

“Not… really.”

He nods. “We’ll start with those tomorrow.”

You stare after him as he turns and walks away, seemingly satisfied with the conversation –or lack thereof, really. What in the actual fuck?

***

So, Cable –as it turns out—isn’t nearly half as intimidating as he looks.

He’s gruff and grumpy, yeah, but it makes sense after you get the thumbnail version of what happened to his family and how he ended up here from Colossus and the Professor. And he doesn’t talk much, but it’s because he genuinely prefers being quiet. More than that, actually, he doesn’t like having to carry the conversation; he’s more than happy to just let you talk all you want and only chime in occasionally.

He’s especially hard to take seriously after you catch him working in his garden while wearing a pair of hot pink Crocs.

You can’t help but cackle. “Where the fuck did you get those!”

“Wilson got ‘em for me,” he grunts.

“And you’re wearing them because?”

“They’re comfortable. Wash easy. No sense in throwing them away or wasting them.”

You shake your head as you chuckle. What a dork.

***

Firearm training goes well. Cable is scrupulous about firearm safety; you don’t even get to take your first shot before you can break down a gun and put it back together and recite the rules of responsible gun handling in your sleep.

Sparring and trying to train your powers, on the other hand…

“You’re breaking form again,” Cable says, stopping his swing before it can gain any momentum. “You’re liable to get hurt if you keep flinching away from everything.”

“I know, I know; I’m sorry.”

“I’m not looking for you to apologize. I’m trying to help you avoid hurting yourself.”

“Sor—” You cut yourself off with a grimace and try to keep your hands from shaking. “Right. Let’s… let’s try again.”

Cable doesn’t go back into his sparring stance, though. He puts his hands on his hips and tilts his head back as he regards you. “You got beat on, didn’t you.”

It’s not a question.

You swallow hard and look away. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah.” He puts his hand on your shoulder and nudges you towards the edge of the ring. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“For a walk.”

***

You wind up in the kitchen. The room’s empty, save for the two of you.

You frown as Cable pulls out the cookie jar from its carefully hidden spot in the cupboard over the toaster. “What are you doing?”

“Mentoring. That, and I’m hungry. You want milk?”

You nod, carefully seating yourself at the counter. “I didn’t, uh, take you for a, uh, sweet stuff sort of guy.”

“Don’t have sugar in my time,” Cable says as he pours two glasses of milk. “Was bitching about it when I first came here, then Wade told me to shut the fuck up, enjoy it if I wanted to, and focus on using my energy for productive shit.” He pauses, then smirks. “And then he listed about twenty things that weren’t productive in the least.”

“Sounds like Wade,” you agree with a laugh. You pick a cookie from the jar, then dunk it into your milk before popping it in your mouth. “You know, for all that you seem to be annoyed by him, you spend a lot of time with him.”

“Wilson’s practical. We have similar worldviews. And when he’s not being an ass, he’s funny.” He shrugs. “I like him.”

You blink, then take the opportunity to play wingman for your best friend. “He likes you too, you know.”

Cable snorts. “Believe me, I know. He’s not exactly subtle.”

“So you’re just… letting him do his thing?”

“Wade’s got his own shit to work out first,” he says with a shrug. “He lost his girlfriend; he’s still grieving.”

“And you aren’t?”

Cable grimaces. “My wife and daughter are alive. Even if I can’t see them, I can build a better world for them. And that doesn’t necessarily stop me from loving. But Wade isn’t ready for that. And if he decides he is, at some point, I’ll be here.”

You smile. “Wow. That’s really romantic.”

He grunts. “I’m not romantic.”

“Yeah, you are. You’re a big softie.”

“I’m not.”

“You so are.”

“Not.”

“Are.”

He huff and shakes his head, corner of his mouth turning up in a smirk. “Whatever, kid.”

You take another cookie and focus purposefully on your glass of milk as you dunk it. “So, uh, why’re we here instead of training?”

“You’re not gonna be able to train properly until you stop being afraid of being hit,” Cable says bluntly. “The way I see it, that’ll be easier for you if you actually trust me.”

You frown and glance up at him. “So, what, we’re… bonding?”

“Yep.”

Weird… but not bad.

You help yourself to another cookie. “Okay.”

***

The two of you don’t operate the way you and Wade do.

First, Wade is about ten thousand times crazier than Cable will ever be. Second, you and Wade are basically best friends; between the larger age gap between you and Cable and his vastly different personality, the two of you just don’t mesh the same way you and Wade do.

But you do connect. The two of you train together, tell each other about various parts of your lives. He teaches you first aid and some basic home maintenance skills, you teach him about which memes mean what and what Wade means when he uses them –which is basically a history lesson for Cable since he’s from the future, but whatever. It’s symbiotic.

You learn about each other. It’s progress.

***

Your training, however, is not progressing.

You drop down onto your knees on the training mat and grab at your hair. “Fuck!”

Cable kneels down next to you, ignoring the multiple sets of eyes looking in your direction as he puts a steadying hand on your shoulder. “Hey, easy. Deep breaths.”

“I can’t do it.”

“You’re right, because you’re panicking. Come on, in through your nose, out through your mouth.”

You ignore him in favor of biting on the inside of your cheek so you don’t cry. “Fuck, why am I such a fucking failure?”

Cable stays quiet for a moment, then pulls you to your feet. “Come on.” He walks you to a quiet hallway and has you sit down on the nearest bench.

You swipe at your nose with the back of your sleeve. “Sorry.”

“Got nothing to be sorry for. Just focus on calming down.”

“I just really wanna get this fucking right.”

“You’re not going to until you stop expecting yourself to fail,” Cable says, to the point as ever. “It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I doubt you’ll get past that until you process more of your childhood trauma.”

You grimace. “I’d really rather not.”

“Christ, what is with this century’s hang up on not working through emotions?” Cable grumbles.

“Yeah, because travelling back in time to murder a child is the pinnacle of working through emotions,” you fire back, too upset and pissy to be concerned with being nice.

“Touché,” he grunts as he sits down next to you.

You sniffle and do your best to dry off your face with your sleeves. “I just… I’m trying. I really am.”

“I know.”

“It’s just… it’s scary,” you admit quietly. “I know you’re not gonna hurt me –not really, anyway, though I’m not fond of the idea of getting hit by your metal fist—but it’s still just… scary.”

“I know. But the only way out is through.”

You shake your head. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You can. You’re capable. And you need to.”

You shake your head again, throat constricting as more tears threaten to spill. “I can’t. Maybe with the hand-to-hand stuff, but not with my powers.”

Cable cocks his head to the side as he looks at you. “What’s the difference?”

You fidget with the hem of your shirt. “I’ve… I’ve killed people before with my powers. On accident. I was a kid; I didn’t know how to control them.”

“Jesus Christ,” Cable groans.

“I can’t –I can’t do that again, I can’t—”

“Okay, okay.” He puts an arm around you and squeezes your shoulders as you try not to cry too loudly. “Let’s be done for today.”

“No—”

“Yes. You’re not in the headspace to train right now. We’ll do something else.”

“Like what?”

He shrugs. “Wilson keeps telling me I need to try Taco Bell.”

You snort. “So we’re going from exercising to diarrhea central. Talk about lifestyle whiplash.” You glance over at him. “You know you’re gonna hate it, right?”

“I figured as much.” He stands and nudges your shoulder. “Come on.”

***

(For the record, Cable actually likes Taco Bell.)

***

Unfortunately, word of your little “meltdown” in the training room spreads during your Taco Bell excursion. By the time you get back, the entire mansion knows about your struggles, and some of the X-Men decide that an intervention is necessary.

And they’re led by none other than Scott Fucking Summers, because that would be your luck, dammit.

You’ve never wanted to melt into the carpet of Professor Xavier’s office so badly before. Unfortunately –also your shitty luck—turning into a liquid is not within your mutation set.

You do, however, sink back into the chair you’re perched on as much as you can, which helps.

“This is a safety issue!” Scott declares as he glares at Cable. “If Y/N can’t train to control her powers, then she is a danger to everyone in this house!”

Gee, you’ve never heard anything like that before. Not even once –definitely not multiple times a week, by both your parents and various members of the town you grew up in.

“Those glasses come off your face, and you blast a hole through whatever’s in front of you.” Cable shrugs. “Doesn’t seem very controlled to me.”

“Scott has trained to regulate his responses and control,” Ororo points out. “If Y/N can’t control her abilities, her future as a resident does have to be brought into question –to say nothing of her potential future as an X-Man—”

“No one ever said anything about her being an X-Man,” Cable growls. “Just that she needed rudimentary training.”

“All permanent residents at the Institute either work as teachers, healers, or X-Men!” Scott snaps, quickly losing patience as the argument drags on. “We aren’t an open house charity!”

“Self-control, please,” Piotr says, holding his hands up in a calming gesture. “This does not need to escalate.”

“I agree with Mr. Rasputin,” Professor Xavier says, inserting himself into the conversation before Scott can start talking again. “Calm discussion is the goal, here. As for Miss L/N’s residency, she’s here for protective custody, which makes her an automatic permanent resident for as long as she wants to stay.”

Scott’s face creases into a frown. “She’s an adult. She doesn’t need protective custody.”

Professor Xavier glances once at you before clasping his hands together and placing them on his desk. “The details of Miss L/N’s past are for her to disclose at her discretion. However, having consulted with our legal representatives on the matter, I can assure you that protective custody is warranted for this situation.”

“But—”

“The terms of Miss L/N’s residency here at the Institute is a closed issue, Mr. Summers,” the Professor says firmly. “However, the issue of her control training does need to be addressed, if only for the peace of mind of the other residents here.”

You can’t fucking deal with this; you can’t handle listening to them talking about you, let alone the thought of having to explain why you can’t get a grip on your powers—

You start crying.

And, apparently, you aren’t as subtle about it –well, as subtle as you can be with a telepath in the room—because Cable notices almost immediately. He’s by your chair in an instant, clasping your shoulder and telling you to take deep breaths.

“They’re all talking about me like I’m not even fucking here,” you seethe, body trembling as you try to reign in your emotions.

“We’re sorry, Y/N—” Professor Xavier starts.

“No, you’re sorry,” Cable snarls. “Don’t fucking speak for everyone.” He glares at Scott for a moment, then refocuses on you. “Do you want to take the lead?”

You recoil so hard you almost knock over the chair. “No –no. I can’t—”

“Okay, okay. I’ll handle it.”

You frown. “How?”

“I’m your trainer. It’s my job,” he replies with a shrug before standing. “Go on. Go cool off. I’ll take care of things.”

***

After about a half hour of “cooling off” Cable texts you to come down to the training rooms.

He’s there with Wade and Colossus when you arrive. “We just need to run some preliminary tests, so we can get an idea of your starting threshold.”

You freeze right in your tracks. “What—”

“Relax.” He nods his head at Wade. “We worked things out with Xavier; you’re on the X-Force with us. Wade doesn’t care if you run missions or not—”

Wade gives you a thumbs up, confirming what Cable’s saying.

“—so you can train at your own pace.”

You blink, and the nervous knot in your stomach slowly starts to unwind.

Emphasis on slowly.

“But –I haven’t been able to train with anyone yet,” you point out. “Not without freezing.”

Colossus gestures to the training room. “We have robotic simulates for solo training. Normally, they are only used by experienced members –but, with supervision, you can use them as well.”

You peer into the training room; sure enough, there’s a few robotic dummies on the training floor, currently inactive and slumped over.

“Okay… but I’ve never really used my powers… indoors.”

Well, you have, but most of those times ends with lots of broken glass and injured people.

“This room is designed to withstand Phoenix force,” Colossus explains, smiling reassuringly. “I doubt you could do worse than that.”

It’s a fair point. Jean’s one of the most powerful mutants you’ve met; if the training room can withstand her…

“Okay,” you decide, albeit reluctantly. You pad into the training room, then nearly jump out of your skin when the door swishes shut behind you. Relax, Y/N. Don’t be such a wuss.

A speaker crackles to life overhead a couple minutes later. “Okay, testing, one two, testing one-two-three, there once was a lady in Spain—”

There’s a growl and the sounds of a struggle –along with a lot of swearing and complaining from Wade—and then Cable takes over. “Alright, we’ll power up the training bots when you’re ready.”

You take a deep breath before fitting your flight goggles over your eyes. What the hell? May as well go for it. “Let’s rock this show.”

The bots jerk to life, straightening up—

And loud music blasts through the speaker system.

You flinch. “What the fuck?”

“It pays to team up with the franchise namesake!” Wade shouts over the intercom system. “We have our own theme song!”

You listen for a minute, shocked and utterly distracted. “What… on earth?”

“Nuts for luck! Get the party started! Knock you out like Colossus farted!”

You bust out laughing; you can easily picture the consternated expression on Colossus’s face, to say nothing of Wade’s own delighted expression…

Unfortunately, your lapse in focus gives the training bots ample time to cross the distance between you and them.

You yelp when one swipes at you and propel yourself away with a little blast of air. “Fuck!”

“You need to go on the offensive,” Cable instructs over the intercom system. “We won’t get a comprehensive baseline if you don’t.”

“I don’t want to break them!” you shout as you dodge another attack.

“They are meant to be broken,” Colossus reassures you. “Just try your best.”

So that’s what you do. You manage to bat them away from you repeatedly, but apparently ‘meant to be broken’ is some sort of secret code for ‘virtually indestructible.’ No matter what you try, the sparring dummies keep getting back up and attacking you all over again.

One of them manages to grab your arm, and the other two are quick to pile on. They’re heavier than they look, and trying to shake them off amounts to a whole lot of nothing.

You panic. You squirm and thrash in their grip, borderline hyperventilating as you try to free yourself.

You let out at a scream, and a wall of air slams into the sparring dummies. They careen into the walls, cracking in a few places and deactivating as they drop to the ground in short-circuiting heaps.

You drop onto your knees, panting as you brace yourself against the sparring mat.

Applause and raucous cheering –Wade—bursts over the intercom system, accompanied by general grumbling –Cable—and gentle pleas to calm down –Colossus.

Eventually, Cable manages to regain control of the microphone again. “I think we’ve got what we need. You can head out when you’re ready.”

You don’t run out of the training room, but it’s a near thing.

***

You don’t make it far, though. Wade intercepts you in the hall and practically tackles you with a massive hug.

“That was so cool!” he crows as he swings you around in a circle, ignoring your screeches of protest. “Super cinematic!” He sets you down gently –well, as much as Wade does gentle—and claps Cable on the shoulder. “Good thinking, Nate-y!”

You frown. “Wait, who’s—”

But Wade’s already skipping off down the hall, with Colossus following after him, a harried expression on his face, which just leaves you with Cable.

Cable.

You stare at him incredulously, eyes nearly bugging out of your face. “Nate-y?”

He rolls his eyes. “Nathan. My name’s Nathan.”

Which makes a lot more sense, admittedly.

He smirks. “What, did you think my parents actually named me Cable?”

You shrug. “I dunno. White people do weird shit with names.”

He snorts. “Fair enough. Not a trend that dies out in the future, by the way.”

“There’s really no hope for us, is there?” you joke. “So… you got a last name to go with ‘Nathan?’”

“Summers. Nathan Summers.”

The recognition hits like a light going off.

“Is Scott your dad?” you ask, vaguely horrified.

Cable –Nathan—nods. “Yep.”

You blink as you try to process the information. “I’m not sure if I’m weirded out by that… or if I’m just impressed that he actually managed to get laid.”

Nathan laughs. “You know, Wade said the same thing when he found out.”

“Well, that makes sense,” you say with a shrug. “We are siblings, after all.”

***

Training goes much better after that. Nathan has you work with the dummies for a while whenever the training room’s empty. Eventually, he works you up to training with him or Wade in the empty training room, then to sparring while everyone else is in there.

After a while, he greenlights you for missions with the X-Force.

And, shortly thereafter, you throw yourself through a plate glass window, dislocate your knee, crack three ribs, and have to be carried out to the X-Jet by Colossus.

Oops.

***

Fortunately, Nathan doesn’t mind stepping into the role of physical therapist. He helps you get your strength back and ramp up your training regimen in safe, healthy increments.

He also teaches you about the other aspects of recovering from injuries that you failed to learn from childhood.

“Ice is important to reduce swelling and inflammation; too much of either puts strain on the joint,” he says as he props your formerly dislocated leg over his knees. “But what most people forget is that you have to stimulate movement and blood flow in bits and pieces to help the muscles heal.”

“So, what you’re saying is I should run a marathon.”

He gives you look that would appear annoyed if it weren’t for the way the corner of his mouth turns up. “I’m saying ‘gentle massage and stretching.’” He carefully starts working his thumbs into the muscle area around your injured knee. “Not too much, and not too hard. Just enough to start loosening everything up.”

Colossus walks in while Nathan’s massaging your knee. He stops and stares for half a second, seemingly surprised. “Ah –Cable. The Professor would like to speak with you.”

Nathan helps you set your leg back down, then passes an ACE bandage to Colossus as he leaves. “Wrap her leg, will you?”

“Konechno.” He kneels in front of you, gently propping up your knee before unwinding the bandage. He glances up once –twice—to make sure Cable’s gone, then starts wrapping your knee. “So… you and Cable seem… close.”

“It’s just platonic,” you say quickly; it’s not every day the guy you think is cute asks if you’re “close” with someone else. “He’s like a dad to me. Besides, he’s both too old and too young for me and… yeah, no. Not my speed.”

Colossus chuckles as he slowly winds the bandage around your knee. “Fair enough, myshka.”

***

Things progress from there again. You heal, you get back to training and missions, and you improve quite a bit –and don’t throw yourself through anymore plate glass windows.

Then you get outed for using repression serum.

And everything stops.

***

You spend most of your time in your room after returning to the mansion. If you’re not there, you’re outside, at the fringes of Xavier’s property, where you’re unlikely to hurt anyone. You hike around in the small wooded area, run the trails, and generally keep away from everyone.

Nathan finds your preferred hiding spot after a few days –a tree stump that’s had the space underneath it hollowed out by animals and the weather. He sighs when he sees you. “You can’t hide from everyone forever.”

“I have to,” you choke out between sobs. “There’s no place for me here anymore.”

“Kid—”

“Don’t fucking ‘kid’ me! I’ve killed people; I’m a monster!” You level your index finger at him, baring your teeth as he looks down at you sadly. “And don’t give me that shit about how I was just protecting myself as a kid. I killed twenty people when I stole the repression serum from Harmony. I’m a murderer.”

“Just because the X-Men have a no killing policy doesn’t mean accidents don’t happen—”

“It wasn’t a fucking accident!”

He purses his lips and gives you a hard look. “You chose to kill men who decided they had the right to kill other people.”

“It doesn’t make a difference!”

“Yes, it does!” he snaps. “You went after shitstains that side with the likes of Klansmen and Nazis. I came back in time to kill a kid who was terrified after being abused his whole life because he’d grown up into an asshole that killed my family. If you’re a monster—” he points at you “—then so am I.” He taps his index finger against his chest. “And if you want to technical about the body count, you’re nowhere near me or Wilson. You gonna call us monsters, too?”

You shake your head after a long moment. “No.”

“Then you don’t get to do it to yourself.” His expression softens, and he holds out a hand to you. “Kid, c’mon. You deserve better than hiding out here or in your room.”

You stare at him with watery eyes for a long moment, then take his hand.

He pulls you out from underneath the stump and into a hug. He gently smooths your hair out as you cry and brushes your hair off your back. “You’re not a monster. The choices you made may have not been the right ones, but you’re not a monster.”

You just shake and sob in his arms, unable to speak.

Eventually, when you calm down, Nathan has you sit up so he can pull some tissues out of his fanny pack –utility bag, whatever. “Dry yourself off, kid. Those men aren’t worth your tears.”

You shake your head as you wipe off your face. “I can’t think like. It’s too easy to be angry.”

Nathan regards you for a moment. “You’re incredibly strong, you know that? I knew soldiers who went through half the shit you did, and they were some of the most bitter, hateful people I knew.”

“War and a sucky childhood are two different things.”

“Yeah, but war and abuse both break people, and you haven’t let it break you.”

You blow your nose and let out an exhausted sigh. “I feel pretty broken.”

“You’ll get there. Give yourself time.” He lets you calm down for a couple more minutes before leveling the boom you knew was coming. “You need to get back to training.”

You shake your head automatically. “No. I can’t –I can’t kill anyone again.”

“We’ll start you off on the dummies again—”

“I’m stronger without the serum; I could still hurt people, or bring part of the mansion down, or—”

“You’re not stronger than a cosmic entity at full strength,” Nathan interrupts, adamant. “I know you’re scared, but the longer you stay away from this, the worse it’s gonna be.”

“I can’t,” you whimper, tears coming back. “I can’t do it.”

“You can. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again. Look, you trusted me to help you the first time, right?”

You nod.

“Then trust me now. I’ve had plenty of time to watch your powers and watch you use them. You’re smart. You learn fast. You’re a fucking natural. You managed to correct your landings in a handful of weeks. You’ll get the rest of your powers dialed in.”

You try to swallow the lump around your throat and sniff pitifully. “But what if I really can’t? What if there’s something wrong with me that makes it impossible for me to control my powers?”

“Then you need a different kind of help, not training,” Nathan says simply. “But the Professor taught Jean how to control an omnipotent, several millennia old cosmic entity, and you’re a lot more stubborn than Jean is.”

You manage a weak smile. “I am pretty stubborn, aren’t I?”

“Damn right.” Nathan smiles back, then stands and holds out a hand to you. “Come on.”

You hesitate. “Everyone else is safer if I’m out here.”

“Debatable. Besides, you deserve to be around the people you love and love you.”

You let out a shaky breath, then take his hand.

***

It’s hard. And slow. Two of your least favorite things.

Nate’s with you every step of the way, though –and he listens to Alyssa’s recommendations about how to desensitize you to the training room all over again. The two of you start with just hanging out in the room –with and without other people in there—without doing anything else, then move on to training with weights or the punching bag. It takes three full weeks before you work your way up to training with the dummies.

You’re stronger. A lot stronger. You make Wade let out more than a few choice words over the intercom system as you decimate the X-Men’s collection of training bots over and over again.

“I told you,” Cable says as he helps you stretch before heading in one day. “You’re good. You’re powerful.”

“I don’t want to be powerful,” you mutter as you bend down to touch your toes. “I never asked to be powerful. And I—” you let out a strained laugh “—I don’t give a shit that other mutants would kill for my strength or abilities or what-fucking-ever. I never asked to be this way.”

“You don’t have to give a shit about their opinions. A lot of soldiers wanted my simulated abilities and added strength, thought I was lucky that I had a limb that wouldn’t bleed out. All this virus has ever caused me is pain.”

You straighten up and look at him directly. “You don’t think I’m being ungrateful?”

Nathan shrugs. “Don’t think ‘ungratefulness’ has much to do with it. Being the way you are has caused you a lot of problems and pain. It’s natural that you don’t like it.”

You let out a little sigh of relief and drop your forehead against his human shoulder. “Thanks, Nate.”

He pats your back gently with his human hand. “Anytime, kid. Anytime.”

***

It takes you a bit, but you eventually realize that you hadn’t been kidding or speaking empty words when you’d told Piotr that Nathan was like a dad to you.

He is like a dad to you. He gives you advice and helps you train and generally acts as a silent, comforting, familial presence whenever you’re flipping out about various things. He learns how to cook with you and about how to exist in the real world with you and teaches you about shooting a gun, fighting, and what a proper budget looks like.

He’s not like Wade, who’s fun and an entire basket of crazy. He’s not like Piotr, who doesn’t challenge you as much and almost never pulls out the tough love that you need to hear from time to time.

He’s more stable than your uncle and more decent than your biological father.

He’s… he’s like a dad to you.

And you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can’t say anything about it to Nathan. You know he has Hope, that he has a real daughter, and you wouldn’t dare insinuate yourself in a space that’s already been filled.

So you train with him and hang out with him and enjoy his gruff companionship, but you don’t tell him what you really think of him.

You can’t.

***

You don’t go on missions.

Until you do.

Against your will, admittedly.

“I can’t fucking be here!” you hiss at Nathan as you attempt to hold back tears of terror.

“None of us have a choice right now,” he says, though not unkindly. “It’s an emergency call, remember? It’s why we got picked up in the middle of getting the damn groceries.”

You pick at the hem of your shirt. “I can’t do it. I’m not ready for it yet.”

“Okay.” He bats your hands away before you can destroy your shirt. “Then you wait in the cockpit until everything’s over, alright?”

You take a deep breath, then nod. “Okay.”

***

The mission goes South –which is shocking, considering that Neena’s on the job, too.

There’s just too many bad guys for your team. Even with Nathan breaking out his “ridiculawesome” gun and Russell using his fire to borderline dangerous levels, the goons just keep crawling out of every possible area.

Neena’s lucky powers are probably the only reason everyone other than Wade isn’t dead yet, you think as you watch everything play out from the jet. You wince when Juggernaut lands a devasting hit on Piotr. “Come on, babe! Kick him in the balls!”

Your chest tightens and your breathing speeds up as you watch the fight fall further South. They can’t do it. They’re going to lose. They’re going to…

You don’t even think about what you’re doing as you open the hangar door before sprinting out of the cockpit. You grab your flight jacket and goggles and throw them on as you dash out of the jet and run towards the fight.

Piotr’s managed to throw –literally, yeet and all—Juggernaut back, stunning the brute momentarily before the helmeted honcho started charging down your little family once more.

You speed up, then launch yourself upwards with a burst of air. You put all your focus into what you’re about to do and let a scream of rage as you sail towards Juggernaut.

He notices you halfway through his charge. “What the—”

You land a few feet away from him and throw your hands forward, sending him hurtling back with the most powerful sustained blast of air you can summon.

Several other of the gun toting villains get caught in the burst of wind as well, sailing away into the air with shrieks of alarm.

Behind you, Wade lets out a jubilant crow. “Fuck yeah! Take that you Bane-wannabe-cocksucker!”

You keep up the torrent of wind, pushing Juggernaut back until he figures out how to brace himself and stops moving.

It’s a stalemate. The unstoppable force versus the immovable object.

“I’m gonna stop the wind!” you shout.

“What?” Wade screams back. “Are you insane?”

“Don’t worry! I’ve got a plan!”

As soon as the wind fizzles out, Juggernaut growls and charges at you once more. “I’m gonna shove you down the metal guy’s throat, you dumb bitch.”

You bare your teeth at him in a scowl and cock your fist back. “Shove this, asshole.” You let him get barely outside of grabbing distance, then swing your fist forward

A sonic boom explodes across the landscape as you accelerate Juggernaut past the speed of sound. His shrieks of terror can be heard in the distance as he sails away, followed by the sounds of total chaos and destruction as he crashes into various trees and building-like objects.

“Holy shit!” Wade pumps both his fists in the air. “She wasted Juggernaut! You wasted Juggernaut! What in the ass, that was so awesome!”

“Fight’s still not over,” Nathan says, but he’s grinning. “We’ve got some drones in the air, and we’ve still got people on the ground to take care of.”

“I got the drones,” you say as you run forward and take off.

***

As soon as the jet takes off, once you all have vanquished your foes, Wade yanks you into a big hug and spins you around. “That was fucking incredible!”

You shriek and laugh. “Put me down! Christ!”

“You did it,” Neena says with a massive grin as Wade puts you down. “You didn’t think you could, but you did.”

Piotr clasps your shoulder gently as he kisses the top of your head. “We are all very proud of you, myshka.”

“I realized I was more scared of losing all you than I was of losing control,” you say with a shaky laugh. “You guys are my family.”

Russell grins. “Seriously. We’re your family?”

You grin back. “Hell yeah! Wade’s my brother, Neena’s my big sister, you, Ellie, and Yukio are basically my cousins, and Piotr’s my future baby daddy.” You favor your –now flustered—boyfriend with a cheeky smile while everyone laughs. “You’re all my family. I… I love all of you.”

“Aw, so sappy! Group hug!” Wade cheers as he yanks you, Russell, and Yukio into a hug.

“Absolutely not,” Ellie grumbles as she quickly retreats to the cockpit.

***

Everything goes well after that.

Except it doesn’t.

Nathan is… oddly distant for the rest of the evening. He barely makes eye contact with you for the rest of the flight, books it off the jet as soon as it lands, and doesn’t speak to you for the rest of the evening.

You’re confused. And hurt. You’d expected –unselfishly—that Nathan would have some sort of… something to say to you after your little “breakthrough.” He’s been so integral in your journey of learning to not be afraid of your powers, and he’s always had some sort of encouragement or praise –or tough love, when the situation called for it—at all your milestones.

You can’t even find him once you’re cleared by Dr. McCoy. He’s a total ghost –one that doesn’t reply to your texts and phone calls, to boot.

“Did I say something?” you ask Wade at one point, nervous to the point you feel like puking. “Something’s wrong, but I don’t know what I did.”

“I don’t know,” Wade says with a grimace. “I’ll see if I can figure something out from him, promise.”

By the time you’re ready –well, need—to go to bed, you still haven’t heard anything from Wade or Nate. You’re so worked up over it that Piotr has to coax you into bed and rub your back to help you calm down.

Which works wonders for him. He’s so tuckered out from his fight with Juggernaut that he falls asleep while rubbing circles up and down your back.

(You think it’s genuinely cute of him.)

You toss and turn next to your snoring boyfriend, replaying the fight and the flight back over and over in your head, searching for any mistake, no matter how miniscule, that might’ve set Nathan off like this.

After what feels like hours –mostly because it’s been hours—Wade texts you.

Bro: Nateys in kitchen. Is willing to talk.

The thought that you don’t want to wake up Piotr is the only reason you don’t sprint out of the room –though you do fly down the stairs.

Wade meets you at the bottom, his mouth set into a deep grimace. “He’s not happy.”

“What did I do?” you ask, borderline panicking. “I’ve been replaying everything in my head over and over, and I can’t think of anything.”

“I know. And I know you didn’t mean anything malicious, but…” He sighs. “He’s hurt. And you need to go make it right –or as right as you can.”

You do your best to fight back the tears that are already stinging your eyes and nod. “Okay. I will.”

Wade gives you a brief, reassuring hug, then nudges you towards the kitchen. “Go on. He’s waiting.”

You can see Nathan seated at the counter, stripping and cleaning one of his guns (he’s put old newspapers down on the counter, which you know Piotr will be grateful for come morning).

He doesn’t look up at you when he walks in.

It takes you nearly three minutes to realize he isn’t going to speak, either; you have to start this. You take a deep breath and clear your throat. “Wade said you were willing to talk things out?”

Nathan just lets out an affirmative grunt.

You scowl in an effort to hold back tears and clench your fists. “Look, Nathan, whatever I did, I’m sorry. But I can’t make this right if you don’t tell me how I hurt you.”

“Nothing to make right,” Nathan bites out as he cleans part of his pistol with more force than necessary. “It’s your choice to make.”

“That doesn’t tell me anything!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up. “Wade said you wanted to talk, you haven’t said otherwise, so talk. I’m not going to apologize for every single thing I can think of in hopes that something will stick.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he spits out, mouth screwing into a pained frown. “I get it. I’m just not a part of your family.”

Your eyes go wide. “What? That’s not—”

The jet.

You’d given everyone on the jet a designation in your “family” –except Nathan.

You’d be smacking yourself upside the head if it wasn’t so obvious how upset he is over all of this.

“Nathan –I didn’t mean—”

“You don’t have to explain it. I understand.”

“No, Nathan, you’ve always been my family—”

“Don’t just lump me under some umbrella term,” he snarls. “I don’t need your fucking pity.”

“Nathan, just shut up and listen for one fucking minute!” you snap, louder than you ought to at this hour. “We’re okay,” you tack on when you hear Wade’s footsteps run towards the kitchen. “We’re fine.”

The footsteps stop, but don’t retreat in the opposite direction.

You sigh wearily and look at Nathan –who’s borderline glaring at you. “You’re like a dad to me, Nathan.” You see his eyes widen at the admission, and quickly move on so you can finish everything you want to say before he can lay into you for tarnishing his daughter’s memory and future existence like you are. “You’re everything I wanted my biological father to be. You’ve been with me on this journey practically every damn step of the way. There is no possible way for me to express just how grateful and thankful I am for your kindness and support and wisdom. If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have gotten out of that jet tonight.”

Nathan just stares at you when you have to pause to wipe your face, expression shocked.

“I know you have Hope,” you say, smiling sadly. “And there’s no way in hell I would ever try to step in on her memory or the bond you have with her. Just because you’re my family doesn’t mean I’m supposed to be yours –not like this, anyway.” You spread your arms in a shrug. “And I’ve come to terms with that. I’m okay with that. I know how much you love Hope; I can’t grudge that for even a single second.”

There are tears coming out of Nathan’s human eye that he doesn’t bother to wipe away. He just stares at you, borderline entranced.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t loop you into everything better on the jet,” you apologize. “I should’ve made a point to include you –called you a grandpa or something, I don’t know—but honestly, I was too strung out on adrenaline to even think of it in the moment. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sorry that you did.” You sniff loudly and take in a shaky breath. “I’ve done all I can do… and I think I’m just gonna go to bed now.”

You barely make it two steps towards the hall outside the kitchen before Nathan darts around the counter, grabs you by the arm, and pulls you into a massive hug.

You latch onto him, shocked.

“I can only hope,” he says, voice thick with emotion. “That Hope will turn out even half as kind and as decent as you are now.”

Your lower lip starts trembling in earnest, and you have to bury your face in his shoulder to keep from losing it.

“And I would be honored,” he adds. “To be your dad and call you my kid.”

You let out a little sob and cling to him harder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know, it’s okay. We’re okay.”

The two of you stand there for a while, just holding each other and crying.

When you do part, Wade’s leaning against the kitchen doorframe, looking genuinely misty-eyed—

And further back in the hall is Piotr, looking half-awake at best and adorkably confused. “What is going on?”

“Good stuff, babe,” you reassure him, smiling even as you wipe your cheeks dry. “All good stuff, I promise.”

Nathan nods, agreeing. “We got it all worked out.” He squeezes your shoulder. “Go get some rest, kiddo.”

“Yeah, okay. Love you, dad.” Your voice breaks, and you almost start crying all over again.

Nathan almost does too, if his expression is anything to go by, and he pulls you into another hug. “Love you too, kid.”

A few tears do leak out when he kisses the top of your head, though.

He pats you on the back and lets you go a few moments later. “Go sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Wade trades spots with you as you walk towards Piotr, murmuring something in Nathan’s ear about “told you that was it” as he hugs his boyfriend.

Piotr’s smiling now, seemingly having put the pieces together. He kisses your forehead gently. “Ready for bed, myshka?”

“Yeah.” You yawn. “Will you carry me?”

He chuckles fondly and scoops you into his arms. “Konechno.”

You rest your head against his shoulder and let out a sigh that’s equal parts relief and happiness.

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #colossus x reader #nathan summers x wade wilson #cablepool #the angst is so good in this one #like i made myself cry while writing it #also this is the reason i did the found family series in the first place #so i'm hella excited over this fic #deadpool fanfiction #x men fanfiction

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namjoonysl · 6 years

Text

don’t play (m)

jimin’s your roommate and you’re convinced he’ll never see you as anything more than a friend. jungkook’s the fuckboy you match with on tinder who decides to help you make your roommate jealous. (1/?)

reader x jimin, reader x jungkook

11k+

Some people in life had it easy. They were gorgeous, beautiful, and everyone wanted them. That wasn’t you. You’d never been the pretty one. Guys didn’t hit on you when you went out with your friends, they didn’t go out of their way to hold doors open for you, they didn’t slide into your DMs when you posted selfies, but that’s okay.

There’s more to life than being pretty. You’ve learned to love yourself for other things, more substantial reasons: you were smart, you were hardworking, and you tried to be kind, which was more than a lot of people could claim. After recognizing these qualities and loving yourself for them, the state of your looks didn’t bother you anymore. For the most part.

Most days, you were fine. But days like today, when you walked into your kitchen first thing in the morning to see Park Jimin making waffles, wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist, droplets of water traveling down the defined expanse of his back—days like today, feeling a little self conscious was unavoidable.

You didn’t anticipate moments like this when you agreed to be Jimin’s roommate. You were just trying to be nice. Sometimes you really wished you were less nice.

“Morning, Jimin,” you mumbled, sleepy crankiness making your voice thick.

Jimin whipped around, a droplet of cold water flicking off his damp black hair and hitting you on the arm. “Oh, you scared me,” he laughed, “morning! Want a waffle?”

You grunt a “sure” that sounded both masculine and inelegant. Accepting the plate of waffles covered in thick golden syrup, you busied yourself with cutting into crunchy food and nibbling on a piece. You stared into the patterns of the marble countertop in front of you, pointedly avoiding looking at Jimin’s topless upper body.

Jimin chuckled. “Oh my god, you’re so cute.”

You paused chewing. “Wha?” you ask with a mouthful of waffle. You swallowed and looked up, narrowing your eyes. “Why’d you say that?”

He grins. “You never look at me when I’m shirtless. It’s cute that you’re shy, and a bit of a prude.”

A path of embarrassed stinging traveled up your neck and red blossomed on your cheeks. “Hey, I am not a prude. And I’m not shy either. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“Oh, I see,” Jimin nodded, a tug of teasing at the corner of his mouth, “well that’s very considerate of you, but I’m super comfortable with my body. Look all you want.”

You roll your eyes fondly. Most mornings went like this, playful exchanges over shared breakfast, an unexpected domestic routine you’d fallen into and would miss when you inevitably parted ways. No one stays roommates forever. Jimin would fall in love with a beautiful girl because that’s what beautiful people did: they paired off together, two by two, until all that was left was you.

“So, Tae told me you went on a Tinder date,” Jimin says casually.

You almost spat out your orange juice. Thankfully you stifled your gut reaction and swallowed the tangy beverage with some grace. “He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that.”

Jimin tilted his head thoughtfully. “Why not? And why would you tell Tae instead of me? I’m your roommate. Also, I tell you every time I go on a date.” The pout could be heard in his voice. It was true, Jimin had many colorful accounts of his romantic life and he had no problem sharing them, but there was a reason for that. Jimin’s dating life was amazing, and you could barely get matches on Tinder. Still, you felt bad for not telling Jimin.

You shrugged. “I’m sorry. It’s just really lame and not even worth mentioning. It’s not a big deal, plus the date went horribly. I just didn’t want to keep talking about it.” You tried to brush off the conversation, but Jimin was never one to let things go.

“Why did it go horribly? Was the guy a dick to you or something?”

“No. I mean, yeah actually. He showed up like twenty five minutes late, rattled off an apology about his job or something, I don’t even know, I could barely hear him. The bubble tea place he wanted to meet up at was so loud. And the conversation was stilted and awkward,” you said. You tried to sound nonchalant and not let on that it did bother you. You didn’t want Jimin to know that you were actually disappointed and hurt by the date, very much so.

“Oh no,” Jimin intoned sadly, an empathetic frown on his face, “I’m sorry.”

“Like I said, it’s not a big deal,” you chuckled and walked to the sink with your plate, washing off the sticky syrup residue. You felt his presence beside you. “It’s just a Tinder date. It’s how these things usually go, you know? Can’t expect anything good.”

Jimin sighed and took your wet plate from your hands. He lifted the dry towel by the faucet and wiped your plate, then placed it gently on the drying rack. “I know you hate being comforted, but I don’t care. The guy you went out with was an asshole and I’m sorry you had a shitty time. You deserve better.”

You smiled, tight-lipped and uncomfortable, but grateful nonetheless for his thoughtful concern. “Thanks Jimin. I only hated that a little bit.” You nudged his arm playfully with your elbow.

He laughed. “Well, now that the serious moment is over, I’m curious about something.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “You met up with a guy from Tinder.”

You blinked, expecting him to continue. “Yes?”

Jimin smiled, an angelic expression that could make anyone give up incriminating information, but he looked far from innocent right now. “Level with me.You trying to fuck?”

You sputtered and slapped him on his shoulder. He tipped his head back and laughed, the ridges of his throat protruding underneath his milky skin. “Please,” you said with mild annoyance.

“What? It’s a valid question. You go and meet a guy on Tinder out of the blue. You’re an adult. Everyone does it. Nothing wrong with it.”

You shake your head. “Random hookups aren’t my thing. That’s more of a Jimin thing.”

“Yeah?” Jimin half-smiled bashfully. At least he had the grace to look a little embarrassed about his reputation. “Are you slut shaming me?” he asked jokingly.

“Nope, we’re just completely different people.” You opted not to explain that Jimin looked like a runway model and you… did not. It was sad enough to think it. Saying it out loud would’ve been too pathetic. “Live your best life, get that shit, dick everyone in this whole town, it’s none of my business, Jiminie. I support you!”

“Did you just say dick everyone?” he sputtered through giggles.

“Gotta go shower! I’m late for work. Have fun dicking!” you called on your way to your bedroom, leaving behind a sputtering Jimin by the sink.

***

At work, Taehyung laid it on thick with the charm. Aside from being his friend, shifts with Taehyung generally went really well since his effortlessly pleasant and non-threatening flirting personality always raked in the tips.

Today however, every time you watched Taehyung flirt with another unsuspecting girl, you glared in his direction. You were jealous. What a life he must have with that magnetic personality and that pretty face. If you dared to try to be flirty, you would make everyone in that interaction uncomfortable, including yourself. You tried your best not to let on that you were a little annoyed with Taehyung, but every time you thought back to this morning when Jimin was interrogating you about your love life, it soured your mood.

“Jeez, are you still pissed?”

You paused in the middle of tossing a latte into a metal tumbler. Taehyung was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest, leveling you with a knowing stare. “I’m not allowed to be pissed that you told Jimin about my pathetic love life?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “No one’s love life is perfect. We’re friends, we tell each other embarrassing shit, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal,” you whined. Tossing the cinnamon latte into a plastic cup and sealing the lid, you smiled and handed it to the customer waiting by the bar. “Jimin brings home girls all the time. He’s had multiple girlfriends. I had one boyfriend two years ago and he was barely nice to be. Going on a shitty Tinder date, going on a Tinder date at all at this age—it’s just really lame.”

“What age? You’re only twenty two, not some thirty year old desperate spinster.”

You shrugged. “It feels like I am.”

“Is that the only reason you’re so bothered?” he said suggestively.

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Are you sure it’s not because you have feelings for Jimin?”

You blinked. “Feelings? For Park Jimin? Do I look stupid to you? That was a rhetorical question,” you clarified when he opens his mouth to answer.

“I was going to say,” Taehyung began, “that you shouldn’t feel stupid about it. Lots of people fall in love with their roommates. It’s a really popular trope.”

You snorted. “That’s hilarious. I meant that it’s stupid because Jimin’s really attractive. Have you seen the women he dates? I don’t compare to them. And don’t try to console me about this. It’s not a big deal, I’m fine, I’m just stating facts. Why do you think he even asked to be my roommate? You think if there was any chance he’d catch feelings for me that he’d want to live with me?”

Taehyung blinked. “I don’t get it. What does being roommates have to do with negating feelings?”

“You see, when you live with someone, you can’t really put up any pretenses, right? The other person sees all the ugly, boring sides of you—not that Jimin really has any. The point is, he doesn’t care about impressing me, so he’s okay with living with me. He thinks of me as a friend, and I’m not stupid enough to believe he’d ever think otherwise.”

Taehyung nodded. “Wow, you’ve got it all figured out. Impressive,” he said flatly.

“Shut up. I’m serious.” You playfully whacked his leg with a mini towel on the way to the sink, which was piled high with coffee-stained mugs and saucers. One by one, you scrubbed the ceramic dishware and arranged them onto the drying shelves. You’d entered a peaceful rhythm of scrubbing, washing, and drying when Taehyung called you over to the front counter. You rolled your eyes. Just when you thought the rush was over another customer shows up. What did Taehyung need you for anyway? He was perfectly capable of taking orders by himself.

When you get to the front counter and plaster on a giant fake smile, the expression immediately shatters when you realize why Taehyung had called you over. It was Jungkook, your shitty Tinder date.

“Jungkook,” you stated. Underneath the counter, you felt a light tap against your foot. You didn’t need to look down to know it was Taehyung, the same person you initially confided in when you were trying to decide whether you should go out with Jungkook when he matched with you and asked you out. Taehyung looked over his profile and read your messages, and ultimately decided he seemed harmless enough.

“Hi,” Jungkook said, smiling tight-lipped. “Do you have a minute?”

Your mouth went dry. You glanced at Taehyung for help, who nodded and gave you a light pat on the back. “You can go,” he said, “I’ll hold down the fort.”

“Okay,” you said quietly. You cleared your throat and removed your apron, pulling it over your head, hoping it wouldn’t get caught on your hair like it sometimes did—it didn’t. “Wanna sit here?” You pointed to a table in the corner that was in a blind spot from the cameras so your boss wouldn’t see you sitting down, but was close enough to the counter so Taehyung could hear your conversation.

Jungkook nodded and followed you. “Sorry to show up out of the blue,” he said. “I texted you but I didn’t get a response.”

“My phone was in my bag, sorry. I wasn’t checking it. So what’s up?”

Jungkook ducked his head, tendrils of wavy black hair falling in front of his eyes, and you were reminded why you had a such a hard time deciding whether you should meet him. When you saw that Jungkook swiped on you, you figured it must’ve been a mistake. Jungkook was really hot. He was also twenty one, one year younger than you. Even so, you thought there would be no harm in matching, so you did. He sent you the first message, four words that almost made you fall off your bed: “wow, you’re really pretty.”

Now here he was, one shitty encounter later, sitting in front of you wearing a white tshirt and ripped black jeans with his hands folded on the table, looking guilty and a little sad. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know the date went bad and it’s my fault. I showed up late and I was out of it, and I felt really bad, so I’m sorry.” He peered up through his bangs, brown eyes wide with sincerity and remorse.

“Oh,” you said, caught off guard. “Um, it’s alright Jungkook, I wasn’t expecting you to sweep me off my feet or anything. It’s no biggie. No hard feelings.” You let out a little laugh, not quite sure what to say. No one had ever apologized for being a bad date before. It was unclear whether you should feel like he was validating your experience or pitying you.

He stood up straighter. “No hard feelings, okay, good.”

“Yeah.” You scratched your brow awkwardly, peering back at Taehyung, who was leaning over the counter looking as confused as you felt. “Is-is that all? Cause I kinda have to get back to work…” You stood up and Jungkook instantly mirrored your movement, reaching out a hand.

“Wait, that’s not all. I was also sorta wondering if we could go out again?”

Your mouth fell open a little. “Um. What? You want to go out again? Why?” You stepped beside your chair hesitantly.

“I just want to do things right this time. You know, show up on time, go somewhere we can actually hear each other.” He chuckled, the corners of his eyes wrinkling up in a way that was adorable and boyish and exactly the kind of thing that made you weak. Your guard was already dropping. “I just like talking to you, and I was the one who asked you out. I was a rude date, but I’m not a bad person, I promise. So, what do you say?”

You froze. People always told you you were too nice for your own good, too understanding, giving second chances to people who rarely deserved them. This felt like one of those moments. The first date with Jungkook had gone so poorly. He didn’t even offer to pay for your tea, and considering he was the one who asked you out, it would’ve been the polite thing to do. His age was probably partially responsible for that, and the tardiness. He was still in college, and from what you saw of single guys in college, they weren’t the most collected individuals.

Still, your resolve was feeble, and Jungkook was a hot guy who apologized and wanted to take you out again. Your mind was filled with doubts and suspicions of ulterior motives, but in the moment, you couldn’t find it in yourself to reject him, at least not to his face. Thankfully, customers just walked in, an impatient looking group of older women who probably wouldn’t appreciate being kept waiting.

“I’m sorry, I have to go, people just came in.” Jungkook peered over his shoulder and his shoulders drooped in disappointment.

“Can I text you later then? Or you can text me, let me know if we’re on for round two?” He grinned, glints of hope in his eyes.

“Sure, I’ll text you.”

“Okay, cool. Sounds good! Then I’ll catch ya later hopefully.” He gave a little wave on his way out, and when you joined Taehyung at the counter again, you pointedly avoided looking at his smirking face.

***

When you get home, Jimin wasn’t there, not surprising. He usually went out on Friday nights, the more extroverted counterpart to your homebody nature. With the luxury of the whole apartment to yourself, you took a shower, took out your contacts and put on glasses that looked like you borrowed them from your grandma, put on the fluffiest, least sexy pair of PJs you own that had little hearts and sheep on it, an oversized college tshirt, cooked a pot of ramen, and started watching a space documentary on Netflix.

It was nice, being able to exist in a common space with wet hair and no bra, being able to ugly in peace without worrying about your hot roommate witnessing you in your natural state. You didn’t have a TV in your room so you were happy to watch something on a screen that wasn’t your laptop for once.

When all the noodles were finished, you placed the fork on the coffee table and began to drink the salty soupy remnants of the ramen by slurping it out of the bowl like it was a mug, the way kids do. It was when the bowl was at your lips, angled it so it largely covered your face that you heard the front door open, along with the voice of your roommate and the laughter of a woman.

You brought the bowl down immediately and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. “Jimin, hi,” you said with a small voice, your cheeks flaming red.

“Oh hey,” Jimin smiled, “sorry, I should’ve warned you. I thought you’d be hanging out in your room. Amy, this is my roommate, _____.” The woman nodded curtly at you, a stiff smile stretching her plump, glossy lips.

“Hello,” you waved, embarrassment making your palms sweat as you became painfully aware how toned her body looked under her elegant black dress, and how much of a slob you were in comparison. “Nice to meet you. Um, do you guys want to hang out in here? I can go to my room, it’s fine.”

“No no, that’s alright,” Jimin said, “we’re just gonna be in my room.” A small suggestive grin tugged at the corner of his mouth and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes in his face. “I’ll see you in the morning okay? Goodnight!”

With that, he took his date’s hand and pulled her into his bedroom, and she followed eagerly. Her elated screeches and giggles could be heard after he closed the door.

With effort, you tried to erase the most recent moments of your life from your memory and resume your space documentary, but Carl Sagan’s voice could barely be heard over the moans and wistful sighs coming from the next room. You glared at the beige wall in front of you and turned up the volume a few notches. A few seconds later, you heard three sharp raps against the wall. Unbelievable.

With a scoff, you turned down the volume and tried to ignore the girlish yelps and the low grunts that you’d heard many times before from the previous women Jimin brought home. The deep, throaty groans shot straight to your gut, and it was all you could do to scurry into your bedroom and slam the door shut before your mind started to go to dark places.

This was how it usually went. Friday night, Jimin’s got a hot date, and you’ve got desire pooling in your belly and nothing to do about it but sulk. It was then that your phone vibrated on your bedside table.

Jungkook (11:35 pm): hey sry i know it’s late but have u decided yet ? can we go out again ?

You wanted to say no. You wanted to say that he blew it, that if he really wanted to go out again, he would’ve shown up on time and he would’ve picked a better place and he would’ve at least offered to pay since he invited you. But then you heard a high pitched whine, albeit muffled, but the sting was of it was fully felt. Jimin was in his bedroom having the time of his life, just like everyone else you knew on a Friday night, and you were in your PJs and your breath smelled like noodles.

Maybe you were getting desperate, but you liked the feeling of being pursued for once, even if it ended in disappointment again.

Me (11:38 pm): yeah i guess we could go out again

Jungkook (11:41 pm): cool! wanna get dinner tomorrow night ? i know this cool thai place, my treat ?

Well, at least he was offering to pay this time. You had the receipts if he wanted to back out. You could handle disappointment again if free food was involved.

Me (11:42 pm): sounds good, see you then

***

The following afternoon, you rushed home from work to get ready, but not without ducking most of Taehyung’s intrusive questions. (“Where are you going? What are you gonna wear? How did he get you to agree to go out again? Are you gonna fuck him?” “None of your business, I have no idea, I just feel like going out again, and fuck off.”)

Thirty minutes before the date you found yourself standing in front of your closet, at a total loss for what to wear. Getting dressed was generally a traumatic experience since nothing ever seemed to fit right, and a childhood of being taught to hate your body didn’t help your self-esteem.

Jungkook said he was taking you to a Thai restaurant, so you had to wear something nice without looking like you tried too hard. There was no avoiding it: you had to wear a dress, something you rarely ever wore. You never really got out of the college phase of wearing tights and tshirts, and at work there was no uniform, so you generally wore jeans and a simple tshirt.

In the end you decided on a cream colored mesh dress that had embroidered flowers on it. You tugged uncomfortably on the thin straps. Your shoulders and your upper back, and a lot of your cleavage was exposed, but that was the point. Exposure. You bought the dress thinking someday you’d be brave enough to wear it, and today was the day. You were going to push yourself out of your comfort zone because that’s what grown ups did. You weren’t an insecure little kid anymore.

Standing in front of the mirror, you inspected your appearance from every angle, and then lifted up your arm to double check you wore deodorant when suddenly you heard a sharp rap at your door. You yelped.

“What is it?” you called.

“I’m going out, just letting you know I’ll probably be late!” Jimin said from outside your door. You rolled your eyes. Of course Jimin was going out two days in a row.

“Sounds good!”

“What about you? Are you staying in?”

You froze. Internally you debated whether you should tell him you had a date, weighing the pros and cons.

Cons: He’d want to know who you were going out with and you’d either have to lie and make up someone new, or tell him you were going out with Jungkook, after which Jimin would probably judge you or chastise you or worse, pity you. He would also want to know all the details afterwards, and since tonight will probably end poorly at worst, mediocre at best, it isn’t information you want to relay to anyone, least of all Jimin.

Pros: You could ask him if you looked pretty in your dress. You could ask him what boys like when they went out with girls. You could ask him for advice, assistance, just anything that would help you feel less lost and vulnerable.

Your stomach spurned and you felt queasy. You decided to keep your plans to yourself.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna stay in, watch Netflix or something.”

Jimin’s fond sigh could be heard through the door. “Some things don’t change, huh?”

You gulped, taking in your appearance in the mirror. Forty minutes was spent straightening and styling your hair. You managed to tame the frizziness and create some loose waves. An additional thirty minutes was spent on your makeup. Hours of your life had been dedicated to watching makeup tutorial videos, so you knew how to do a golden bronze eyeshadow look with a shimmery lip, with some semblance of hope under layers of cynicism that Jungkook might want to kiss you.

Briefly you wondered what Jimin might say if he saw you like this. He’d never seen you dressed up before. You never bothered to look the least bit glamorous around him. Making an effort for him seemed pointless. He’d never see you as a viable girlfriend or hookup or anything really.

“Yeah, some things never change,” you murmured to yourself, hoping with all your heart that that wasn’t true.

***

You waited until Jimin left to go out. When you arrived at the restaurant, Jungkook was waiting for you outside. He was wearing a striped button up and skinny jeans, black boots, and silver hoops in his ears. It would always be a mystery whether it was his appearance or the heel of your shoe that made you stumble a little walking up the sidewalk. It was almost as mysterious as why someone as attractive as Jungkook would want to see you again. You wondered if the people outside were surprised that you were the one he was waiting for.

“Hey,” he greeted politely, briefly glancing down to do a once over, “you look um, really nice.”

Your cheeks suddenly felt hot, and you were grateful for the layers of foundation and concealer on top of your pink skin. “Thank you, you also look nice,” you said shyly, picking at the embroidery on your skirt. “Should we go in?”

“Yeah, of course! Here, watch the steps. Thank god I made reservations. I didn’t think it’d be this packed tonight,” Jungkook said, lightly touching your back and gently guiding you up the steps outside the main entrance. It was a cute gesture, something you’d seen guys do for girls in movies, and you fought to keep the smile off your face.

“I’m impressed,” you said, smiling, “most guys in college I knew wouldn’t have had the forethought to make reservations. They just winged everything.”

Jungkook let out a little laugh. “Yeah, that’s pretty much how it is, but I just wanted to make sure everything went well this time, since I fucked up last time.” Jungkook ducked his head, a characteristic gesture that seemed to indicate that he was nervous or embarrassed, or both. It was cute. He really knew how to play into the whole adorably clueless, but with the best of intentions schtick. At the front of the line, he greeted the waitress at the podium. “Hi, reservations under Jeon?”

“Yes, Mr. Jeon,” the waitress smiled, barely sparing a glance at you, “your table is right this way.”

Jungkook kept the hand on your back as you both followed the waitress. She seated you at a table by the window. “Please let me know if you need anything,” she said, addressing only Jungkook, whom she was still smiling at.

“Thank you,” he nodded at her. When she left, he picked up the menu. “This place has really great noodles. If you want any recommendations, let me know.”

Six minutes later it was decided that you would get the chicken and he would get the beef, and you were both allowed to try each other’s food because greediness was decidedly lame.

“So,” Jungkook said, “did you have a nice day today?”

You grinned at his attempt at making conversation. “Yeah, it was a pretty uneventful day. Just went to work.”

“Ah yes, at the coffee shop. It’s so cute that you’re a barista.”

You snorted. “Why is that cute?”

He shrugged and laughed, fiddling with a button on his shirt. “I don’t know, it just is. The coffee shop you work at is so lowkey and vibey, and then you’re just up there, making coffee. It’s a thing, trust me.”

His explanation made you laugh again. “If you say so. It’s less cute when there’s a line out the door and people are getting mad at you because they have to wait so long.”

Jungkook frowned empathetically. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound pleasant. They should expect to wait? And I’ve had the coffee where you work. It’s good, totally worth the wait.”

“Oh, you came by the shop?”

“Yeah, once a while back. You weren’t there.”

“I see. So where do you work, if you do at all?” you asked curiously.

“Oh, I don’t work,” he said, leaning back in his chair, “If I did, I’d probably fail all my classes.”

You nodded. “Fair enough.”

A different waiter brought you your food and arranged it on your plate. Jungkook stopped the man before he left. “Excuse me, could we also get two glasses of the house wine please? Oh sorry, _____, is that okay with you?”

You blinked, not expecting Jungkook to go ahead and order alcohol. You didn’t have anything against drinking, but you were a little hesitant to consume something that would lower your inhibitions in case you said or did something embarrassing. “Y-yeah, that’s fine, wine sounds great,” you finally decided, remembering that you were trying to go out of your comfort zone and do things you were afraid to do.

Jungkook grinned when the waiter left. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” you said.

“I don’t actually like wine. I just thought you would be impressed if I ordered it.”

“What?” you sputtered, giggling. “Seriously?”

“Yes!” he laughed. “Thought it’d be classy and mature or something, I don’t know. Was it lame?”

“Oh jeez. Yes Jungkook, it was very classy and mature of you. Only thing is, I don’t much like wine either.”

“Oh my god,” Jungkook paused in the middle of swirling a fork into his noodles, “for real? We’re really gonna be sitting here drinking something we both dislike?”

You shrugged, biting into your chicken. “We don’t have to drink it.”

Jungkook’s shoulders drooped and he gave you an unamused, slightly hurt pout. “Oh… it’s just, I made a big thing about ordering it, and it’d be kinda embarrassing if the waiter came back and saw both our glasses left untouched.”

You giggled. “Fine, fine, I’ll sip it a little.”

“Thank you,” Jungkook said, doing a little bow. “We still good on trying each other’s food?”

After that, conversation came easy between you and Jungkook, which was a relief. The first date was so stiff and awkward, but so many factors were different this time. He picked a nicer place, he even showed up early, he complimented you. Maybe you were too cynical. Tonight could actually end up perfectly fine.

“______?”

You heard your name being called, but it wasn’t Jungkook who said it. When you looked up at him, he gave you the same questioning look. And then it became clear. Standing about three feet behind Jungkook was the owner of the voice, your roommate Jimin.

“Jimin! Hey,” you said, smiling. Your expression faltered when he didn’t smile back.

“Hi,” he said slowly, “What are you doing here?”

Briefly, you glanced at Jungkook, then realized why Jimin looked so confused. Back at your apartment, you’d told him you were planning on staying in. You’d been caught in a lie. “Oh, um, yeah I… I decided to go out.” You hesitated, unsure whether you should introduce Jungkook, how you should even introduce him. Would it be too forward to call him your date?

“Ah,” Jimin nodded, his eyeline moving to Jungkook, “is this your date?” He walked forward until he was standing by your table.

“Um…” you started, looking at Jungkook, who’s eyes darted between you and Jimin with faint amusement.

“Yes, I’m her date,” Jungkook said, extending his hand to Jimin. “I’m Jungkook, and you are?”

Jimin’s eyes went imperceptibly wide as he took Jungkook’s hand. He glanced back at you, his gaze slightly confused and accusatory, but it was abundantly clear he was less than pleased. You shook your head apologetically, pleading him silently to be cool. “Jungkook. I see… I’m Jimin, her roommate.”

“Oh, nice to meet you,” Jungkook said.

“You too,” Jimin replied curtly. “Well, my date’s waiting back at our table so I can’t introduce her right now, but it’s wild that we ran into each other here, isn’t it?” You could feel Jimin’s eyes burning into you. You nodded, taking a sip of your wine, grimacing at the bitter, oaky taste.

Fingertips grazed the back of your hand where it was placed on the table. You looked up to find Jungkook looking at you curiously, a small smile at the corner of his mouth. His fingers brushed against yours in a gesture that signaled something like allyship, support.

“Well, we should get back to our date,” Jungkook said.

Jimin’s expression was unreadable, his stare focused now on your hand under Jungkook’s. “Right,” he said after a moment, letting a smile stretch over his face, “you two have a lovely time. I’ll see you back at home, ____.” The way he said ‘home’ made it sound like something intimate, something meaningful just for the two of you. He touched your shoulder and left his hand there, just for a moment, but the seemingly innocent touch was enough to send a shiver down your spine. And then he was gone.

“So, that was your roommate. Seems nice,” Jungkook said nonchalantly, taking a sip of his wine. “Fuck, that really is gross.”

You snorted. Suddenly you became aware that his hand was still covering yours. You moved your fingertips against the cloth in an attempt to stir Jungkook’s senses in case he forgot he was still touching you, but he didn’t budge. Instead he grazed his thumb against your knuckles. He was aware and full of intent, and maybe it was the wine going to your head, but the gesture made you sigh softly in contentment.

“Sorry about that,” you said quietly. “He was just surprised to see me. I didn’t tell him I was going out tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I kinda mentioned how shitty our first date was, so that didn’t leave a good impression on him,” you said bluntly, surprised by your own honesty.

Jungkook blinked and sat up straighter. “Oh. Yeah, I get why he was glaring daggers at me now.” He grinned.

“He was not,” you muttered. “Wait, you’re joking right? I didn’t notice him doing that.”

“Oh no, he looked like he was ready to punch me.”

You frowned, chewing nervously on your lip. “He did look a little angry… don’t worry, he was just judging me.” You let out a fond laugh.

“Judging you for what? Going out with me again? That seems a little unnecessary. He’s not your brother or your dad or anything. He’s just your roommate. Why does he care who you’re out with?”

“He’s just a caring person. We’re really good friends, and also, I don’t do this much, this whole dating thing. He’s just watching out for me, you know?”

Jungkook nodded slowly. “I guess I understand…” He laughed. “I swear, I really thought he was your ex or something. Are you sure he doesn’t like you?”

You were about to take another sip of wine, but Jungkook’s question made you freeze. “Like me? Please, don’t be absurd.”

“Why is that absurd? You live together, you seem close. People can catch feelings being around each other for so long.”

You shook your head, another scoff of laughter escaping you. “He doesn’t like me.”

“Bet.”

“Excuse me?”

Jungkook leaned forward and wove your fingers together on the table, a bolder gesture than before, one that made you sit up straighter and cross one leg over the other. “I bet you he likes you, and I know how to prove it.”

“Prove it?” you asked. Your voice sounded far away. All you could focus on was Jungkook, the collarbones peeking out from under his shift, the way his dark hair cascaded over his eyes, the slight smirk hooked at his parted pink lips.

“Mhm,” he nodded, “don’t look now, but your roommate, who you’re convinced has no feelings for you, is sitting about seven tables behind you, and he’s completely ignoring his date because all he’s looking at is us.”

The haze clouding over your brain parted momentarily. “Jimin’s looking this way?”

“Yeah.” With his other hand, Jungkook reached across the table and tucked a loose lock of hair behind your ear. The intimate gesture made you look away, but Jungkook wasn’t gonna put up with your shyness. He gave a sharp tug at your hand. “You’re cute when you’re shy,” he said, grinning.

His words paralleled Jimin’s own observation about you, and the memory of him, combined with the way Jungkook was looking at you like you were the unofficial off the menu dessert was a bit too much.

“Jungkook,” you murmured, “what are you doing?”

“Trying to prove you wrong,” he said, a teasing lilt to his voice. “Wanna play with me, _____? Here’s what I’m thinking. If I lean over and kiss you right now, I bet Jimin will react. If I’m right, I get another kiss. If I’m wrong, well, then at least I got to kiss you once.”

“Um, I…” You had no idea what to say. A large part of you didn’t believe that Jimin was actually looking at you, but some small part of you didn’t see why Jungkook would lie about something like that. Unless he was just teasing you to get you to kiss him.

And then there was the voice inside you screaming with joy that Jungkook was flirting with you.

Maybe if you hadn’t been drinking, you could think more rationally about this, but the part of you that never got to indulge in fun and spontaneity had been denied for too long. In lieu of answering Jungkook, you leaned across the table and placed your lips on his. You felt his sharp intake of breath through his nose, and then he relaxed and kissed you back, placing a hand on your cheek and angling his mouth, deepening the kiss.

You could taste wine on his lips, and he didn’t seem to mind when you lightly ran your tongue along his parted mouth. With a low growl, he cupped your jaw and gave you one last kiss. When you pulled away, his eyes were dark with lust and half-lidded.

“I was right,” he mumbled, tracing his finger along your jaw.

“Hm?” you hummed.

“Jimin looks like he wants to kill me.” Jungkook grinned, a look of victory and vindication. “See for yourself, baby.” He nodded in Jimin’s direction. Nervously, you turned around, and sure enough, Jimin was leaning back in his booth, staring directly past his date and straight at Jungkook with a look of murder in his eyes.

His eyes found your’s, and his gaze softened at the edges. Still, he didnt look happy. Quickly, he averted his gaze and took a sip of something amber from his glass, and then pushed back his hair.

You turned back to Jungkook. “See? He totally likes you. He looks so pissed that I kissed you.”

The waiter came back and Jungkook asked for the check. He pulled out his wallet and deposited his credit card inside the leather holder before you could look at the amount, but from the small glance you managed to sneak, it looked like a substantial price.

A warmth settled into your skin, and it wasn’t unwelcome. You found yourself smiling as Jungkook traced patterns against your knuckles. “Hmm, maybe he’s just pissed that I kissed the asshole who showed up half an hour late to our first date,” you teased.

Jungkook chuckled. “Fair enough, but wouldn’t you say I’ve made up for it with this one?”

“You think you can just buy me a fancy dinner and some wine and we can call it even?” you accused with no real malice in your voice.

“I mean, there’s more I’d like to do to you,” he murmured, glancing down briefly at your body. “The terms of my bet were that if I won, I would get another kiss. You seemed fine with those terms before. And since you still don’t seem to believe that your roommate’s into you, I have no problem taking you home and finding other ways to make him mad. You know, purely for research purposes. Gathering evidence. Gotta prove a point to this girl I know.”

You giggled. “That’s a bold proposition. You basically just said you wanted to fuck me to prove a point. Is that supposed to tempt me?”

Jungkook smirked. “Not gonna lie, I wasn’t expecting you to be so forthcoming. It’s really hot that you just called me out, but it’s true. You’re attracted to me, otherwise you wouldn’t have taken the initiative to kiss me. And that was a hot kiss. I bet if we fucked, it would be good too.”

Instinctively, you glanced around to see if anyone was listening to your conversation. Everyone seemed too invested in their own dates to care that Jungkook was trying to get you to fuck him. A lurch of insecurity brought you back to reality.

“Jungkook,” you said quietly, “you’re right. I’m not usually this forthcoming. I didn’t plan on giving you a second chance. I didn’t plan on drinking. I didn’t plan on kissing you. Cards on the table, this isn’t really who I am. I’m just trying to convince myself that I can be someone who can go with the flow, stop worrying about every little thing, but that’s not me. The real me still doesn’t understand why you wanted to go out with me again. A part of me still thinks it’s because you feel bad for me,” you rambled. “And now you’re playing this, this game? Are you being like this because you’re actually attracted to me, or because of some other reason? I’m sorry to ask and shatter this illusion, or whatever. This is just what’s on my mind.”

Jungkook tilted his head and released your hand. He inhaled. “Alright, let’s just slow down, okay? You haven’t shattered anything. I’m glad you told me what’s on your mind, because now I can set the record straight. I wanted to see you again because I ruined things the first time and I wanted to give this thing a fair chance. With that being said, I’m here because I think you’re hot. Everything I did tonight was so we could both have fun, and so that you’d be more inclined to sleep with me. I feel like I should tell you that because you appreciate honesty. Was I wrong? Are you repulsed by me now?”

Your lips parted. You weren’t expecting him to be this forthcoming, but he was right. His honesty was appreciated. You nodded in affirmation. “Do you really think I’m hot?” you asked quietly.

Jungkook let out a breath of disbelief. He grinned. “Yeah. I don’t know if I’ll get slapped for this, but I’ve had to stop myself from looking at your tits like ten times tonight. I wasn’t expecting you to show up here looking like this. You look beautiful. But even before tonight and our last date, when I saw your pictures and swiped on your Tinder profile, I did that with every intention of sleeping with you.”

“Oh,” you said dumbly. “That’s… good to know.” You cleared your throat awkwardly and nodded.

Jungkook’s sharp features lit up with amusement. “Is it? That’s interesting. So you really like it when I’m upfront with you. I feel like I could use this information to my advantage.”

You rolled your eyes and laughed. “Apparently honesty is my new kink. Unfiltered, shameless honesty.”

“What’s there to be ashamed about? To quote you, cards on the table: I wanna sleep with a hot girl, dinner and wine is the extent of my romantic capabilities, and I’m not promising you anything more or less than amazing sex.”

“You’re promising that?” you scoffed playfully. “That’s a heavy promise, kid. I haven’t slept with anyone since my last boyfriend, and that was two years ago. My expectations have been building up. It’d be a shame if you had performance issues and I waited all this time for nothing, right?”

Jungkook’s jaw dropped open slightly and he looked absolutely indignant. “First of all, I’m not a kid. According to Tinder, I’m only one year younger than you. Second of all, that sounds like a challenge, and I can’t wait to win. Again.” Jungkook leaned in close until he was inches away from your ear. “Let me take you home and fuck you until you scream,” he murmured softly, “Two years is a long time to wait. I’ll fuck you so good you’ll forget your ex’s name.” His words sent jolts of pleasure and anticipation to the apex of your thighs. You squeezed your legs together and squirmed in your seat. “Plus,” he said, “wouldn’t it be fun to give Jimin a show? Let him hear how good I can make you moan?”

You reeled back. “Why are you bringing up Jimin again? That whole thing was just a ruse to get me to kiss you, right? This has nothing to do with Jimin.”

Jungkook’s eyes glittered with knowing and mischief. He was up to absolutely no good. “You’re lying. I saw how you reacted when he touched you. Anyone could see how much he affects you. It’s fine if you don’t want to admit it. I’m basically a stranger, but I have eyes. And from my perspective, you want him. I’m just hoping you want me too.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. He sounded so arrogant and self-assured. “Who are you to tell me what I want? You think from one interaction you understand my feelings?” With that, you stood up.

“Woah woah,” Jungkook stood up too, “I’m sorry okay? You’re right, that went a little too far, but you don’t have to leave,” Jungkook said.

“We both have to leave. Didn’t you say you were gonna take me home?”

Jungkook blinked. “You still want me to…?”

“You think after all this, I’m gonna stop now? I haven’t gotten laid in two years, Jungkook.” You chuckled, a little humiliated and regretful that you let that bit of information slip out, but if after all your ranting and your insecurities, Jungkook wasn’t turned off, then things are still good. “Did you drive here?”

“Yes.”

“I did too. Follow me back to my apartment. Oh, and one more thing.” You pulled him in by his collar and kissed him again. His hands immediately found your waist, gently but firmly holding you against him, and he moved his mouth against your’s. You pulled away. “Is Jimin watching?” you mumbled against his mouth.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

“Hmm, maybe you’re onto something. Or maybe Jimin just has a thing for watching people kiss,” you snickered.

Jungkook grinned. “I’m fine with either as long as you keep kissing me.” Jungkook peppered a row of light kisses against your jawline. “Your lips are so soft,” he mumbled. “I want them wrapped around my cock when we get back to your apartment.”

You playfully shoved his chest. “You college kids and your filthy mouths. We’re in public,” you whispered. He was unbothered, his grin only spreading wider over his eager face. He let you lead the way to the doors, and on your way out, your eyes inadvertently met Jimin’s wide orbs. His soft questioning gaze hardened once he saw Jungkook following you. You swiftly averted your eyes and walked out the door, Jungkook a couple steps behind you.

***

Fifteen minutes and a missed exit later, you were finally home, but you weren’t alone. Jungkook stood in your living room, watching as you kicked off your heels.

“Nice place,” Jungkook commented, the first exchange of words between you since you left the restaurant. “Did you just move here?”

Your brows scrunched in confusion. “No?”

“Oh okay. I was just wondering why you got lost and had to do a u-turn on the way to your own apartment.”

Your eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Sorry, I got nervous, sue me.”

“Nervous? About what?”

“Never had a random hookup before, haven’t gotten laid in two years, you know, all that embarrassing shit I let slip back at the restaurant.”

Jungkook shrugged. “I’m not judging you. I really just care about one thing, and I stopped feeling bad about it the moment you said you came out with me to prove something to yourself. Technically, you’re using me too. Let’s not pretend either one of us is better or worse than the other.”

You nodded, letting his insights sink in. “Wow, you just keep dropping these pearls of wisdom all over the place today,” you deadpanned. “Got anymore truth bombs you wanna blow me away with?”

Jungkook plastered on a fake smile. “No, I think that’s it.”

“Great. My bedroom’s this way. Let’s do this before I change my mind.”

Jungkook snorted, but followed you anyway. “You sure know how to make a guy feel special.”

“Oh, you mean like how special you made me feel when you told me you were just using me? I really loved hearing that,” you said sarcastically. Jungkook suddenly took hold of your elbow and spun you around, walking you backwards until you were trapped between him and the wall.

“I think you did,” he mumbled. His hand slid up your arm, coming up to firmly clasp your throat, his grip loose enough so you could breathe, but tight enough that it promised despicable intentions. “I think you actually loved hearing that I want to use you. I mean, I found you on Tinder of all places. No one looks for love or romance on Tinder. You knew what was up. You act like this is all so unexpected, and maybe it is, but that doesn’t mean this wasn’t exactly what you were looking for. Just a night of meaningless sex with a stranger, someone to stretch you out and fill you up like you’ve wanted for two years.” Jungkook’s other hand pulled down one strap of your dress. He left a trail of soft kisses against your newly exposed skin.

A whimper left your parted mouth when a row of sharp teeth grazed your collarbone. Your hands sought purchase, clinging to his shirt. You tried to pull him down and pull yourself up at the same time. There was more distance to bridge now that you didn’t have heels to support you anymore. The fist wrapped around your throat loosened, the free hand reaching down to hike up the skirt of your dress. His fingers climb up the back of your thigh until his palm met the fabric of your underwear. He squeezed the flesh of your ass, pulling your hips against his.

Your hands gripped his shoulders, your head bowed against his chest to hide your face. Sex with your ex boyfriend had never been like this. It was boring, customary. It felt like a formality, something you did because that was what people in relationships did. He never made you cum either—he never lasted long enough.

“Jungkook,” you moaned.

“Hm? What is it baby?”

“I want that, what you said, but I’m nervous. I’m sorry,” you whimpered. “Can we go to my bed?”

“Yeah, if we can find it. Where’s your lightswitch? Can’t see shit in here—”

“No. Lights off,” you said firmly. “Bed’s this way.” You took Jungkook’s hand and led him to your bed. “Um, sit.”

Jungkook chuckled. “Yes ma’am.”

In the darkness, being naked felt less intimidating, especially next to someone as physically imposing as Jungkook. It was a scary thought that Jungkook would feel your body, all the places you were soft instead of toned. Your confidence with your body had been a tumultuous journey. It took a long time, but you were finally at a place where you didn’t hate your body anymore, but that didn’t mean you loved it either. One of the biggest reasons you hadn’t been with anyone in so long was exactly this, the fear that someone would be repulsed by your body.

It was one thing for Jungkook to think you looked hot in pictures, or glammed up with a pretty dress at a restaurant with your hair and makeup done. It was another thing to be naked with him. You couldn’t turn back now, you thought, reaching behind you to pull down the zipper of your dress.

“Need help?” Jungkook asked. You nodded and he reached out for your hand, guiding you into his lap. His arms wrapped around you, one hand brushing your hair away from your clasp of your zipper and the other hand tugging it down. “You look so pretty in this dress. Lift your hps, baby.” You complied. He bunched up the skirt and lifting the garment over your head, leaving you in your bra and panties. “Got all dressed up to see me,” he said softly, “made your lips all shiny, made me want to kiss you the whole night. You had your tits pressed up in this fucking bra all night. God, I’m so glad you agreed to fuck me.”

Jungkook’s hands landed on your thighs, squeezing a little. His own felt so solid and strong and you resisted the urge to grind down on them. He must’ve sensed your squirming because he started trailing his fingers up your sensitive inner thigh.

“Can I touch you?” he asked, fingertips inches away from your pussy. You were soaked, you could feel it, smell it. The thought that he could smell your arousal too made you glad he couldn’t see how embarrassed you looked.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, “touch me.”

Jungkook’s fingertips brushed against your pussy over the lace of your panties. The small caress alone had you hunching over, pulling him closer and wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Does that feel good? You want more?” he said, stroking your pussy.

You nodded vigorously. “Please,” you whimpered.

“Then ride my hand.” Jungkook laid his hand flat against your pussy. “Show me how much you want it.”

When you hesitated, he stroked you again, wedging the ends of his fingers between your pussy lips, still covered by your drenched underwear. Slowly, you started to move your hips, arching your back to angle your clit downwards. Everytime you brought your hips forward, your clit brushed against Jungkook’s palm. Soft moans fell from your lips, your head hung downward.

“That’s it, you’re doing good. Take what you need,” Jungkook told you, encircling his arm around your waist and urging you to go faster. “You’ve never done this before, have you?”

You shook your head.

“That boyfriend you had didn’t deserve to be with you.”

You scoffed, still riding his hand. “You know nothing of it,” you muttered. “You don’t need to say that to me. I don’t need sympathy.”

Jungkook’s thumb then started stroking your clit, his fingers rubbing against your folds, breaking you out of your rhythm and making you gasp his name. “You know what? You’re right. I don’t feel bad for you, because you chose to be with him. I just think it was a waste that you dated this guy and you never got to experience this. Bet he didn’t even make you cum.”

You growled then, anger infusing with your arousal, and you covered his hand on your pussy and pressed down, rubbing harder to get more friction. “Shut up.”

“Oh, we’re sensitive about it,” he mocked, removing his hand. You whined at the loss of contact. “My hand’s soaked, you were dripping out of your panties. Gonna fuck you now, alright?”

Your breath caught in your throat, but you nodded anyway. “Yeah, fine.”

“Go lay back by the pillows,” he told you, “since you probably want it missionary right? I was gonna ask you to ride me, but I think that might be too much for you. Want me in control?” Jungkook’s tone was a little teasing, but you could tell he was looking out for you, trying to assess what would make you feel good.

“You can be in control,” you mumbled, climbing up your bed and laying down like he instructed. “Just… start slow, okay?”

He hummed. “I’ll try, but I’ve been thinking about how tight you are all night. I mean two years… fuck.” In the dark, you could make out the outline of him. He unbuttoned his shirt. Then you heard him unbuckling his belt. His clothes fell in a pile on the floor. It was when the bed shifted that you knew he was climbing up over your body, kneeling between your legs.

Two fingers hooked into your panties. “Okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you breathed, doing the work for him and peeling your panties down your legs in a rush, exposing yourself fully to him. “Um, I’m assuming you have condoms, because you sure as fuck know I don’t.”

He chuckled. “Yes, I already put it on.”

“Oh, okay good. Sorry, I’m a little out of sorts.”

“You still wanna do this? It’s okay to say no. We can stop everything right now,” Jungkook told you, placing his hand gently on your knee. For a fuckboy in college, he was remarkably considerate.

“Hell no,” you muttered. “No way we’re stopping. You promised me you’d fuck me and you promised it’d be good.” Your tone bordered on pouting but you couldn’t be bothered to care. “I just wanna feel good, okay?” You spread your knees, reaching out your hand. “Please make me feel good, Jungkook, please?” you said quietly, whining for his touch in an attempt to trigger a dominant kink he probably had buried somewhere.

“Shit,” he muttered, spreading your knee further open. You jolted when suddenly his fingers touched your wet pussy, wedging between your lips and spreading your wetness around your entrance. “Really? Just gonna beg me to fuck you like that, huh? God, why are the inexperienced ones always so fucking needy, it’s so hot.” He definitely liked being a dominant. “I gotta get you a little more ready, okay? If you’re gonna take my cock, you gotta take my fingers first.”

You nodded frantically, clenching your stomach as you felt the initial intrusion. Slowly, inch by inch, he sheathed two fingers fully inside you. The stretch was uncomfortable, but not as painful as you expected—but then again, you hadn’t been touched in two years and you were so wet your underwear had to be peeled off you.

“Feel okay?” Jungkook asked. “You’re so tight, god. I need to stretch you out a little more. Can you take three fingers?”

“That’s fine, I can take it,” you said, grimacing when you felt another digit enter your tight hole. “Wait, slower please,” you winced.

Jungkook complied, taking his time to move his long fingers in and out, his thumb slowly circling your clit. Jungkook hooked his fingers and brushed against your upper wall. In response, you cried out.

“Ah… wait, keep going, that feels good,” you whimpered. And then a door slammed. You yelped.

For a moment, you froze. “Sounds like your roommate’s home,” Jungkook whispered, followed by a devious chuckle. “Wanna make you moan again, want him to hear you,” he urged, circling his thumb quicker around your clit and pressing his fingers deeper inside.

“Jungkook,” you moaned, barely over a whisper.

“Come on, you were just making so much noise, why’d you quiet down? Don’t you want Jimin to hear how good I’m making you feel?”

Indecision clouded your brain. You were two warring halves. One part of you was embarrassed. You weren’t the girl who went out and brought someone home. You were never that adventurous, never that sexy. This didn’t feel like you.

But a needier part of you wanted to prove that it could be. And as twisted as it was, you wanted Jimin to hear you. You wanted him to know that he wasn’t the only one who could fuck around.

You let out a kittenish mewl as Jungkook rubbed your clit furiously. You brought him down for a messy, wet kiss. Entangling your fingers in his hair, you slipped your tongue into his parted lips and licked into his mouth. The pressure below your stomach was building and you arched your back.

“That’s more like it,” Jungkook praised as he pulled away. His fingers slipped out of you. “Need my cock in you now,” he said, lining up his cock with your entrance. In the dark, all you had to go by was feeling, and the head of his cock felt massive against you. He rubbed it against your folds, swirling your juices with his precum, brushing his cock against your clit a couple times.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, spreading your knees wider to accommodate him, but the action felt futile. He was big, he was going to stretch you out, and it was going to hurt. Inevitable. “Okay, I’m ready,” you told him, trying to unclench and relax as much as possible, but the anticipation was still making you tense.

Jungkook pushed in, holding his shaft and slowly getting deeper. You cried out, digging your nails into your mattress. The pain was worse than you thought. If you’d gotten a look at Jungkook’s cock, you would’ve had a better idea of what you were getting into.

“You okay?” Jungkook grunted. He propped up one of your knees and you were happy to accept the help. Your energy was slowly being drained, all of it being used to breathe through the intrusion that was splitting you in half.

“Ye-yeah, I’m good,” you panted, “are you, are you almost in?”

“Um, like halfway,” he said. “Can you take anymore?”

“Yes,” you said with resolve, “yes. Keep going, just go slow, please.” You held onto the pillow above your head, turning to your side and squeezing your eyes shut. You didn’t recall losing even your virginity being this intense.

After what felt like hours, Jungkook filled you to the hilt. He was panting above you. “Shit, I didn’t think you’d be this fucking tight. It still hurts a lot, doesn’t it? Tell me to stop, and I will. Or just tell me when you want me to move.”

You gasped, trying to even out your breathing. The pain was starting to subside, giving way to an aching between your legs, uncomfortable, but not intolerable. “Move, now,” you gritted out.

Jungkook started pulling out and you inhaled sharply through your nose. This wasn’t the hot, fast hookup you envisioned. This wouldn’t be easy, but you were going to stick it out until it felt good. You owed yourself that.

“Better?” Jungkook asked when he was halfway in.

“A little,” you winced when he was almost out, just his tip at your entrance, “just, start moving. I just need to get used to it.”

You heard his exhale of relief. His sweat was starting to meld with yours. He must’ve really been holding himself back. Slowly, he pushed back in. He held himself up with one hand braced on either side of your head, his hips pushing into you with precision.

After a few minutes, the pain became a dull ache. Your pained groans turned into a staccatoed gasp. “That’s good, that feels good,” you whispered.

“Really? Want it faster?” Jungkook muttered.

You nodded, a wistful sigh. “Yeah. Thanks,” you panted, “for going slow. I’m good now, I promise. Just, fuck me, fuck me please.”

Jungkook didn’t need to be told twice. He readjusted, hiking up your knee and leaning forward. The new angle let him go deeper and faster. He snapped his hips into you, shaking free gasps and moans from your throat. “Good. I knew you could do it, I knew you could take my cock well. Love hearing how good I make you feel. Don’t hold back, yeah? Be a good little needy slut and moan loud for me,” he growled. He pushed down the cups of your bra until your breasts were freed. He cupped one of them, squeezing. “Feels so fucking good inside you, so soft inside this dripping cunt,” he groaned.

Jungkook rutted his hips faster, almost aggressively. “Oh my god, Jungkook, I’ve never been fucked like this,” you gasped. Your toes curled and you wrapped your legs around Jungkook’s waist, bringing him closer to you. The pressure at the junction of your bodies was mounting, on the verge of snapping. You were going to fall apart soon. “Fuckfuckfuck I’m so close, please, please make me cum Jungkook, keep going just like that,” you whimpered, certain that if he stopped now you would lose your mind, what little of it was still intact.

His thumb started circling your clit again, his face tucked into the crook of your neck, his lips whispering obscenities into the bruised skin there. “Gonna come for me, huh?” he mumbled, his words punctuated by the slap of his pelvis against yours. “Gonna come all over my cock like the filthy little slut we both know you are?” Jungkook sped up, his hips slamming into you now. High pitched moans spilled out of your throat as you moaned his name. “There you go baby girl, say my name. Don’t let Jimin doubt for one second what’s going on there, what I’m doing to you, what he’s missing out on.”

“Oh my god,” you mumbled, completely beside yourself now that Jimin was once again in your thoughts, the cut of his hip bones when he walked around shirtless, the veins that resided there and along his toned arms, the lingering touch he left on your shoulder, the cut of his jawline, that angry look on his face after he saw you kissing Jungkook, his pretty pretty face, those pillowy lips, how good he sounded all those nights you overheard him fucking someone else, his low grunts, how it would feel if it was Jimin between your thighs right now sliding in and out of you.

And then you were coming. “Fuck,” you hissed, “oh my god, oh my god, please, please Jungkook,” you almost sobbed. Nothing you’d ever accomplished with your hand, your dildo, or your ex had ever made you feel like this. The burst of pleasure was palpable in every corner of your body. Your body was quivering and your hands sought purchase in Jungkook’s hair, his shoulders, your pillow, anywhere to cling to and anchor yourself to something.

Jungkook came after a few more sloppy thrusts with a drawn out groan, filling you completely. When it was over, he pulled out and peeled off the condom, and fell on the bed beside you. Neither of you said anything. You couldn’t even if you wanted to. All you remembered when you dozed off was feeling jolts and tingles on your sex for minutes after you came, hearing your heartbeat pounding in your ears, and Jungkook’s exhausted pants to your side.

In the morning when you woke up, Jungkook was gone, leaving you alone to deal with the consequences of your spontaneous night of debauchery with a stranger, aka, a sleep-deprived, confused, and very angry Park Jimin.

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