#you all are just petty and insecure and full of hate and negativity you all dont know how to see and open your eyes

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

A Weight Off Your Shoulders ║ ⒸⓄⓁⓁⒺⒸⓉⒾⓄⓃⓈ

| A WEIGHT OFF YOUR SHOULDERS | part of the A Weight Off Your Shoulders collection ║ series masterlist ║ main masterlist ║ | PAIRING(s): Joel Miller x plus sized!fem!neighbor

| RATING: explicit material | 18+ | WORD COUNT: 7.0k | CONTENT: age gap (Joel mid 40s, neighbor late 20s), cheating, negative body image, negative self-talk, discussions of body image struggles, the savagery of puberty, but mostly just indulgent pussy worship lmao, etc.

| SYNOPSIS: [AU no outbreak] After finding out your fiance was cheating on you with the younger, skinnier intern at his work, you pack up and head home to Texas where you meet your friendly DILF neighbor Joel. He doesn’t seem to mind your fuller physique, but you’re still plagued with insecurities that have followed you for most of your life. Can he make you forget about all that for just a moment or will you stay wracked with self-conscious, negative thoughts? Spoiler: We all know Joel is a smooth talker and is down to do whatever it takes to convince you that you’re perfect just the way you are.

✧this is the first installment of a oneshot collection✧ ✧◦◦║ Part 2 ║ Part 3 ║ Part 4 ║ Part 5 ║ Part 6 ║◦◦✧

The moving van’s AC went out about 75 miles ago, and you can’t bother getting too upset about it. It goes right along with the absolute dogshit spectacle your life has become. The sweat trickles down your back as you keep your eyes focused on the road. The GPS says it’s not too much longer. Your ass is sore from sitting and driving all day, for the past three days. 

It should’ve been two at most - more like one and a half at even a leisurely pace - but the engine had started smoking and making an awful clicking sound somewhere in between Colorado and Oklahoma. You waited 6 hours for the moving truck company to meet you and switch out vehicles. At least the van hadn’t gone up in flames and destroyed all your messily packed cardboard boxes.

The string of down-on-your-luck events provided you with some sort of distraction from the reason you were cooped up in this incinerator of a vehicle and heading home to Texas where your parents still lived, a far cry from the life you had carved out with your fiance - ex-fiance, you correct yourself – in Colorado. 

Ah, yes. Mike. Michael, you think to yourself bitterly. He always hated whenever anyone used his full name instead of his nickname. You were at that level of petty, insulting him in any way that you could. You knew you’d never get close to matching his efforts at hurting you, though.

It had been a great relationship for the first few years. You had met him at his job where you were logging unpaid internship hours so you’d have something to put on your resume when you graduated with your finance degree. Math and economics had always been easy and interesting to you, although it didn’t make you very popular at parties. 

Mike– No, MICHAEL, had been sweet and teased you about how you were “too cute” to be an accountant. You had thought to yourself on numerous occasions that accountants could really use a PR overhaul. Most of your coworkers were nerdy introverts with a dark sense of humor and a penchant for getting ripshit wasted after The Hellfire Summit was over. (That’s what you all called Tax Day.)

But you weren’t “too cute” to be an accountant. Too cute for Michael, maybe, but definitely not some knockout. You had always been on the heavier side starting in middle school. You were vertically challenged, which meant there was a lot less real estate for any additional poundage you racked up through puberty. Your mom had done her best to not give you a complex, but you weren’t stupid and it wasn’t hard to figure out why she was so insistent on you being in sports throughout most of the year. You had taken to soccer pretty quickly, and the endless running kept your weight from climbing into absolute fat pig territory. Not that you didn’t think of yourself that way regardless.

While all your other teammates cried about their boobs not growing - something you had absolutely no way of relating to - you cursed the puberty gods for not giving you a growth spurt of 6” so you could be tall and lean like your friends. By the time college rolled around, you just stuck to running as a stress reliever, but it wasn’t the same level of activity that had kept you smaller throughout high school. The bathtub jungle juice frat parties and 2 am pizza slices didn’t really help matters, either. You put on a respectable “freshman 8,” but your hips and ass delivered it as more of a “freshman 23.”

Michael always talked about how he liked “somebody that didn’t just order a salad,” whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean. You didn’t pay it much mind, though, when your sex life was pretty good together. He made you come more than other guys you’d been with, but it wasn’t hard to exceed expectations when the bar was so low it was in hell. And yet, Michael had found a way to sink it down ever farther.

You should’ve seen it coming. In hindsight it was so painfully obvious that something had changed for the worse. You had chalked it up to him getting nerves after FINALLY proposing to you. You were so happy when he finally asked you to marry him. Even his 15 year old son from a previous relationship had made a remark about his dad “finally growing some balls” and proposing.

A wash of sadness rolled over you at the thought of Ethan. He was such a good kid, and you had become attached to him after being with Michael for so many years. You’d moved in together, and Ethan thoughtfully cleared off a shelf of his video game things so that you’d have a nice spot in the living room for some of your DVDs and books. How on earth that was the child of the piece of shit cheating scumbag Michael was beyond you. Ethan must have taken after his mother more than you previously knew.

Michael had been married before and had Ethan with his ex-wife Patty. They had just “grown apart” as he’d put it. They got together when they were young, and it wasn’t until his 38th birthday party that he realized they just weren’t meant for each other anymore. 

You’d been upset at first to learn that Michael had started seeing you before he had “made it official” with Patty that things were over. You weren’t into the idea of being the other woman, and you didn’t blame Patty for hating your guts. Of course she would assume that you knew they were still married and that they had a young son together. You were the homewrecker whore, and it was humiliating to tag along to family events where Patty and some of their mutual friends gave you a not-so-subtle stink eye.

The friends that did readily accept you weren’t exactly top of the line human beings. Luke had clapped you on the back once after having three too many beers and cackled about how he knew Michael wasn’t crazy for switching things up and breaking things off with Patty “for you.” When you shrugged his sloppy hand off your shoulder and asked what the fuck he was on about, his shit eating grin was the icing on the cake when he slurred, “Well’ya knowwwwww what’hey say, dontcha?” You shook your head, nonplussed and not really interested in learning “what they say.” He giggled and leaned in close when he revealed that “gotta be takin’ care’uhhh him ‘cause they say thah big girls give’thuh bes head ‘cuz they’re al-huways hungry.”

Trevor had intervened before you slammed your mojito into Luke’s Neanderthal brain. “Hey man, fuck off. Don’t  be saying shit like that. Fuckin’ rude, dude.” Luke had made a fuss about how he was “jusss jok-eeen,” but Trevor wasn’t having it. “Whatever, man. Everybody knows you don’t go around talking about girl’s bodies, you fucking idiot. And you’re watching too much porn if you think she’s fat. She’s normal, man. Real women aren’t walking around like stick figures with tits and ass glued on.”

You groaned while Luke howled with laughter at Trevor’s defense of you. Calling you fat was somehow worse than big girl. Luke hadn’t said fat. Trevor hadn’t either, but his off the cuff remark that clarified what “type of big” you obviously were only drove home the idea that you took up too much space, one way or another.

Michael had taken a while to propose, and he always claimed that, while he loved you with his whole entire heart, he was nervous about getting married a second time. He started getting snippier with you and not wanting to have sex as often. His job was stressful, and he had been working tons of overtime to help pay for his part of the wedding. Thank god you kept your finances separate and never actually did walk down that aisle.

His late nights at the office were verified by his bigger paychecks, and you didn’t have a reason to be suspicious. You did think it was a little strange when he started getting up early to go to the gym so he’d “look nice for the wedding.” But hey, what a breath of fresh air, right? A man being the one concerned about how he was going to look in his wedding photos? Hitting the gym at an ungodly hour just to shed a few pounds? It was kinda like some weird form of feminist allyship, subverting societal body expectations. Right?

When you popped in to surprise him with a late dinner at work one night - you still had your keycard from your unpaid internship that nobody had remembered to disable – you found him balls deep in the tiny little blonde you later learned was the daughter of some higher up in the company that was “following in his footsteps at the company with an internship.”

Michael was such an uncreative asshole that he couldn’t even come up with a different meetcute for the leggy, fit blowup doll he’d replaced you with. At first you were enraged, but that quickly dissolved into despair. You were supposed to be getting married in 8 months. He was supposed to be the love of your life. You had wasted your 20s on this piece of shit, waiting around like a moron for him to decide he wanted to spend his life with you. 

So here you were, sweating your ass off, moving your shit several states away, and starting at square one. The dark, moody sky made you roll your eyes. You figuratively and literally had a little black cloud over your head that followed you everywhere. If the impending bad turn of weather could just hold off for a little bit, you could get your “FIRST NIGHT IN NEW PLACE” box unpacked and inside unscathed.

Of course it started pouring buckets about 5 minutes after you’d parked the van in the driveway of your rental. Your new home. Where you lived by yourself. Alone. That’s all you were now. Alone. You dragged in your soggy cardboard box of necessities, only unpacking your phone charger before plopping down on the bare mattress your parents had been nice enough to drop off before your arrival.

You spend the first night at your place crying yourself to sleep.

Texas had gotten hotter since you’d left. No way was it always this hot. You used to play outdoor sports here, for chrissakes. There was no way on earth it had always been the same temperature as Satan’s ballsack in a pair of wool underwear. Maybe it’s hotter because you’re fatter than before your inner voice suggested. You were drenched in sweat by the time 11am rolled around and you’d finished unpacking your small collection of belongings. You never realized how much of your Colorado apartment was mainly Michael’s stuff until you had to clear all your shit out for the move. Humble beginnings, I guess you think to yourself.

Your tank top stuck to your drenched back, and your thighs were slightly chaffed from the hard rub of denim over and over while you moved in. Your stupid, fat thighs and the stupid, fat chubrub they gave you. That unfortunately was something that hadn’t changed about Texas. You always carried your weight in your hips and butt, and your thighs came to join the party shortly thereafter. You had gained a few pounds after dating Michael for a year or so, settling into that comfortable couple space where you sometimes go for donuts when you know you shouldn’t or indulge in breweries too many weekends in a row. 

You were fat and happy together, though. Now you were just fat and sad all by yourself.

You stared at the lawnmower and imagined it bursting into a ball of flames. Your landlord had agreed to knock $100 off your rent if you mowed the lawn once a month. It was a no brainer, even if you had never mowed a lawn before. How hard could it be? Turns out, very.

You gave yourself a pep talk through figuring out how to put the gas into the stupid thing, but it had petered out into an irritated chant of “you piece of shit” and “fucking work, goddamit” when you couldn’t get it to start. You’d pulled and pulled and PULLED the stupid chord, but it wouldn’t start up. You wanted nothing more than to finish your chore and head inside before it got way too hot. You’d planned on already being finished by now. Michael had always made quick work of it, and if that room temperature IQ fuckwit could figure this out then so could you. Maybe.

When you pulled back again and nothing happened, something sort of cave woman happened in your brain, and you started kicking the mower in a fit of frustration. “FUCKING-PIECE-OF-SHIT!” you yell, accentuating each kick to the machine with a malice-laden word. When you propped your hands on your hips and took a step back to really give it a good, solid glare, you saw a man the next house over watching you with an amused look at the edge of his property.

“Need some help?” he called out, his smile growing.

“EVERYTHING’S GOING REAL FUCKING GOOD OVER HERE, BUT THANKS FOR THE OFFER,” you quip with way more acidity than this man deserved.

He took your stinging remark in stride and just smirked more. If he wasn’t so good looking you probably would’ve yelled at him for real. You needed a break and didn’t really care for your handsome neighbor to watch you fail at life, so you wordlessly stomped inside and plopped down with a bottle of water in hand. Was it too early for this water to turn into a beer? 11 am. Damn. You were pretty low these days, but you weren’t sure you wanted to take a trip down “drinking by yourself before noon” lane.

You sigh and play with the bottle cap as you try to ignore your growing embarrassment of being so rude to your hot neighbor. The sound of a lawn mower finally registers in your brain, and you scramble to the window to confirm your suspicions. Yep, there was your fine as fuck neighbor pushing your broken lawnmower around your backyard. It was definitely broken. He must have fixed it. It definitely wasn’t that you were entirely clueless about all this.

You groan and muster up some resolve before heading back outside. You wave at the absolute DILF-iest of DILFs you’ve ever seen in your life to get his attention. As though he was expecting you, he calmly turns off the engine and jerks his head up once in your direction.

“What are you doing?” you blurt out.

There’s that smile again. Damn, he must practice that in the mirror because holy shit it is very hard to think right now with him looking at you with it.

“Bein’ friendly to my new sailor-mouthed neighbor,” he drawled casually.

Goddamit. His voice was smooth and deep up close. And his hair, oh my god his hair. Peppery brown and slightly disheveled and wavy in all the right spots. And his eyes? Those puppy dog brown eyes that you thought just gave you a quick once over? You were kicking yourself for not being nicer earlier.

“Look, you don’t have to–”

“Name’s Joel Miller. What’s yours, sweetheart? And tell me quick, ‘cause I really think it might turn into Popeye if you don’t give me an alternative,” he teased.

Popeye? What on earth– Oh. Christ almighty. Right. Popeye. The “sailor man.” Because you have a “sailor mouth.” Okay, now the DILF was knocking out some dad jokes? You needed to find the box you’d packed your vibrator in that plugs into the wall after this little interaction.

“Kinda wanna tell you that you can call me whatever you want if you’ll just teach me how to turn that stupid thing on,” you say, motioning toward the traitor of a lawn mower.

“Hm, anything I want, huh? Temptin’. Maybe next time I’ll give ya a 101, but lemme just finish this up right quick.” Without giving you the chance to argue, he ripped the chord with a salivating flex of his bicep and resumed his task.

You awkwardly walked back up to your porch and tried to busy yourself with something. You didn’t want to go back inside and wait for him to finish. That’d be rude, him out in the sun doing your chores while you cooled off in the AC inside. You gave enough “lazy slob” vibes as it was. Luckily it didn’t take him much time at all to finish, and his sweaty brow was very distracting as he clambered up your steps. You had to keep your jaw shut when he pulled up the hem of his shirt to wipe it across his forehead, revealing a respectably toned middle. He was fitter than you by far. Not that that was a hard feat.

This DILF to end all DILFs had a toned body that shouldn’t have been such a surprise to you after seeing his muscular arms as they maneuvered the lawn mower. You suddenly felt self-conscious in your tank top and denim shorts. You were sure you were bulging out all over the place and looked like a sweaty pig. You hated how easy it was these days to get down on yourself, but seeing the blonde bombshell Michael had traded you for was all you could compare yourself to. The phrase “you can’t compete where you don’t compare” turned over and over in your head.

“See? Easy. Now about that name…” he trailed off, smiling now with a mischievous, friendly look.

“Oh. Yeah, um. Roxanne. But Roxy is fine,” you say.

Joel tilted his head as though he was considering how your name stacked up to how you looked, to see if it fit you or not. Heat crept up your cheeks under his gaze, and a fresh wave of insecurity engulfed you.

“Pretty,” he remarked.

“Huh?” you ask, sounding dumber by the minute.

Joel just keeps smiling at you, no matter how braindead you sound. “I said pretty. Your name’s pretty. Fits you,” he said.

You really wanted to believe this man was flirting with you, but it was wishful thinking.

“Hmm. Th-thanks. Um. Do you want money or?” you clumsily offer. You didn’t want to send him off empty handed after he just did you such a big favor.

“Two beers,” he posed.

You went inside and grabbed two cold beers from the fridge and loped back outside, extending them to Joel. He opened them both and made himself comfortable in one of your patio chairs. He set the second bottle on the arm of the chair next to him and pulled a long swig from his bottle. You watched the bob of his adams apple as he swallowed, and you knew your panties were gonna be absolutely wrecked by the time you finished your beer.

“Thanks.”

“Cheers.” He tipped his bottle towards you and leaned back, comfortable as ever as if this was his porch and not yours. “Didn’t see ya movin’ in. Musta been in the middle of the night to unpack a whole house without anybody knowin’.”

“Eh, not hard to move when you’ve got less than 20 boxes of shit,” you shrug.

Joel’s eyebrows pinched together in confusion. He clearly hadn’t been thinking you’d come into your new place with bare bones belongings. Someone your age would have at least a few pieces of bigger furniture and a couple of boxes of niche hobbies.

“Rest of it comin’ later, or…?”

“Nope. That’s it. Just me and my less than 20 boxes and a piece of shit lawnmower.”

Joel chuckled, and you found yourself giving him a small, shy smile.

“So you the neighborhood watch captain? Keep tabs on all the fresh meat?”

He laughed like heading up a community group was as likely for him as you figuring out that lawn mower by yourself.

“No quite. Just didn’t realize I had a new neighbor, is all. No car in the driveway. House has been up for rent for a few months,” he explained.

“Oh, yeah. I had a moving van, but I had to turn it back in to them a few days ago unless I wanted to pay for more days. They gave me a ride back. My parents are supposed to let me use one of their cars.”

You and Joel chatted back and forth about the neighborhood, how you’d grown up here and were now back - although you dutifully omitted the reason why - and what you did for work. When he told you he worked in construction with his brother in their small family business, it made a lot of sense. No wonder he was so toned.

Joel actually laughed when you told him you were an accountant. He didn’t believe you at first. When you started citing federal tax law addendums, he held his hands up in mock surrender. You laughed at his teasing. It felt nice to just interact with somebody without having to talk about your recent breakup and all the hard changes you’d been navigating.

“Should make you the poster girl for accountants because damn if I don’t imagine a blue haired lady sportin’ a big pink cardigan and goofy lookin’ glasses whenever I hear the word ‘accountant.’ You’d be the perfect brand image overhaul, sweetheart.” He chuckled, and you did your best to not think about how Michael had once told you that you were “too cute to be an accountant.”

“So, you got an accountant helping with your family business? Or are you just cookin’ the books?” you joke.

Joel rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous laugh. “Nah, we got some somebody at H&R whatever, but the bigger we get the more it seems they wanna charge. Lots of confusin’ shit with all kinds of tax laws. Wouldn’t know if we were gettin’ ripped off by ‘em, if I’m bein’ honest.”

You weren’t sure why you offered. Maybe because he had been kind enough to offer you help and then mow your lawn for you even though you had been an ass. Regardless, you offered to look over some documents and paperwork if he really wanted another set of eyes on it. You dismissed him with the wave of a hand when he started talking about paying you for it.

“Two beers is my rate, Joel,” you say with feigned solemnity.

“Two beers? You drive a hard bargain, sweetheart. I know you’re worth it, though. You free this weekend? Saturday mornin’?”

And that’s how you ended up with plans to help Joel go over his company’s financial information in two days time when Saturday rolled around.

Joel was singing your praises when you’d already found two instances where they could save some money by changing a few boxes on their taxes and getting things more streamlined with a different organization method for W2’s. You had applied for a few jobs in the area, but most of your pending applications were for virtual jobs that you could work from home. It was good to keep up practice in the meantime.

Joel made you lunch - a nice turkey sandwich with cheddar cheese. He’d mistakenly offered provolone, which you’d chosen, only to find that he had run out and could only offer cheddar instead. You teased him about being an awful host, but really you were glad to not have your favorite cheese on the sandwich because it would help you not eat as fast in front of him. 

You hated feeling like this. You’d spent so many years of puberty pacing your bites with those around you, afraid to eat faster than everyone else. Nobody even gave a shit. You were just so terrified of being humiliated for being the plus sized girl who got that way in the first place because she inhales her food.

“You always eat like a baby bird?” Joel questioned through a large bite of his own sandwich.

“Only when I’m trying to concentrate on taxes and finances,” you lied with a fake giggle. You felt like Joel clocked your put-on nonchalance, but he thankfully didn’t say anything even if he had.

You tugged at the bottom of your shirt, pulling it away from your stomach. You caught Joel watching you do this, but again, he didn’t comment.

He did, however, raise a brow when you insisted you were “too full” to finish the entire sandwich. He played it off with a “damn, you really wanted provolone, huh?” You stuck your tongue out at him but dropped the playful demeanor the second he took the plates to the kitchen. Of course you were still hungry, but you weren’t going to gorge yourself in front of your super attractive neighbor. It wouldn’t kill you to cut a few calories here and there anyway, that familiar voice in your head points out.

Stupid, fat thighs the voice adds quickly, helpful as always.

You’re quick to adopt a smile when Joel comes back, but you aren’t sure you were quick enough for him to have missed the sad, fat, and alone girl’s real expression before flipping the switch.

It’s Saturday number two of your pro bono accounting skills. Well, it was actually a Thursday since Joel had some construction something or other this Saturday, but every day was a weekend when you were unemployed. 

You had already hung out with Joel three times this past week and shared a few celebratory beers over your work from home job offer that you’d accepted and would be starting next week. Conversation came easy with Joel. He talked about his daughter, who was away at school for the semester, and you realized he must feel very lonely without her home. At least you could relate to him on that level.

You tell him the reason for your move back to your home town. He actually seemed genuinely pissed off when you told him Michael was cheating on you with a pretty little blonde thing and had been for months. You scoffed when Joel said it was Michael’s loss to have fumbled a girl like you.

“Hey,” he asserted, making you pause from the sip of beer you were about to have. “I’m serious. He’s a dumbass for havin’ let you slip through his fingers. You’re funny and smart and got a good head on your shoulders. Sure, you can’t figure out a lawn mower, but we can’t all be perfect.” His goofy grin was a sweet little addition to his playful teasing.

Maybe it was the beer talking, but you couldn’t hold back. “Yeah, well. There’s something you left out of that list there, and it’s probably the reason he did cheat on me.”

Joel shook his head in confusion. He wasn’t sure what he had left out.

You laughed hollowly to yourself, swirling your beer mindlessly as you spoke. “Funny. Smart. Good head on my shoulders. But not pretty, right? Not attractive. Not skinny enough.”

Joel’s expression shifted into something sympathetic and warm, and you hated yourself for having just let that word vomit happen. 

“To be honest, sweetheart, I didn’t wanna say anythin’ that might make you uncomfortable. But I can give you a list a mile long with all the things that are beautiful about you. Inside and out.”

You flush at his appeal to your assets, but you know he’s just being nice. You were pathetic. You were going through a breakup from a relationship that had ended because your fiance was shoving his dick into his coworker. Of course Joel was going to try to boost your self-esteem and give you compliments.

When you didn’t respond, Joel placed his large, warm hand over yours. You looked at it and up to him. He grazed his other hand, a ghost of a curve against your cheek, like he wanted nothing more than to stroke your face and cradle your neck while he drew you into a long kiss and grabbed at your—

No. No he wasn’t. He was just being nice.

“I mean it. That prick is gonna look back and regret losin’ you.”

You wished you could believe him.

When Joel brought you a turkey sandwich for lunch on your second day of helping him, he made sure to point out the provolone. “Got it special for my girl, huh?”

Your tummy flipped at the way he called you his girl, but it was just another one of his terms of endearment that he probably used with everyone. He’d called you angel, sugar, honey, sweetheart, and even Popeye a couple of times. It didn’t mean anything. You weren’t special.

When you pushed your half eaten sandwich away, Joel set his down and waited for you to look at him.

“You don’t like it?” he asked.

“No, it’s great. Thanks for the provolone, by the way. You didn’t have to do that. Really. I’ll um, I’ll just save the rest for later. I’m good for right now.”

Joel’s jaw clenched from side to side before he leaned over in the chair next to you.

“Darlin’, you should eat somethin’. Half a sandwich ain’t shit.”

You shrugged and insisted you weren’t hungry. Joel chewed his cheeks against his molars for a moment before adjusting in his chair and leaning in even closer than before.

“This about that asshole? Messin’ with that blonde?”

You froze at his words. You heart was about to leap out of your chest.

“N-No,” you lie. “I, um, I’m not sure what you mean, Joel.”

“What I mean is you got the idea that you’re not beautiful. That you can’t compare.”

You took a deep swallow to clear the lump in your throat. Your eyes were getting a little blurry. Dammit, you really didn’t want to cry in front of Joel. Not over this stupid bullshit.

“Just leave it, Joel,” you mumble, turning your attention back to the papers on the table.

“Not gonna do that, sweetheart,” he said firmly.

When you looked back at him, there was a dark hunger in his eyes. His usually lax, friendly features were drawn into a stony scowl.

“I meant what I said the other day. You’re beautiful. Everythin’. Everythin’ about you is beautiful.”

“Look, I appreciate you being nice and trying to make me feel better, but you don’t have to–”

“You think I’m lyin’?” he challenged. You swallow hard at his commanding tone, and his words went straight to your pussy. You shook your head, feeling a little more convinced Joel might not be embellishing his opinion of you.

“Jus’ … Hard to think of myself that way, after…” You want to tell Joel every last detail of your life. Every time someone made you feel like you were eating too fast. Every time your friends got flirted with in the mall while you quietly hung at the back of the group. Every time you put something back on the rack after seeing how it accentuated the shape of your body too much to be a cute garment anymore.

Joel turned and was now angled directly at you with a knee tucking itself between your legs. His sinewy, large arm crossed your chest, his hand firmly planting onto the arm of your chair. He dipped his mouth right next to your ear. “You give me the word, sweetheart. Gimme the green light, and I’ll show you just how gorgeous I think you are.”

You’d been here before. The guy begging to show you a good time but only ever ending as a hookup. You were never girlfriend material, but you were a warm, round body for them to get their rocks off for the night. You knew Joel was different. He wasn’t like that. But you still can’t bring yourself to say yes.

“Tell me,” you whisper. Joel pulled back to look at your face. “Just your words.”

“After you let me kiss those sweet lips of yours?” he countered. You nod yes. It was only a kiss.

Joel stood and grabbed your hand, leading you to the couch. He tried to pull you onto his lap, but you knew he’d change his mind about all of this the second your too heavy body crushed his.

He tilts your chin for you to look at him after you sit. His eyes searched for any hesitation or unease. You can’t handle another rejection, so you lean forward. Joel meets you halfway and presses the gentlest of kisses against your mouth. It was feather light in a way that conveyed an intent to go slow rather than a hesitant partner.

His tongue gently flicks against your bottom lip, and you swallow a moan as you let him in. The kiss is agonizing in its slow, mindful pace as Joel makes no rush of exploring every part of your mouth. You suddenly feel very needy. You haven’t been kissed like this in a very long time. You pull at Joel’s shirt, dragging him on top of you as you lay back on the couch. His broad chest easily envelops you, and his large hands twitch with restraint to not smooth over every inch of you.

His grip tightens around your waist as he delves into a hungrier kiss. When he pulls back to adjust his body parallel to yours, the sight of your reddened mouth and blown out pupils almost have him crumbling into you.

“Tell me,” you breathe. “I just-I just want to feel pretty.” You curse the goblin part of your brain that tacked that pathetic sounding plea onto the end of your comment.

“Want me to start slow or you want me to tell you exactly what comes to mind?” he questioned with a flick of his tongue against your earlobe before drawing it into his mouth and sucking.

“Ohhh–ssh-shit– the s-second one,” you manage.

Joel’s deep chuckle sends goosebumps all over your body.

“Thinkin’ ‘bout the first time we met. Wanted you even then. Kept thinkin’ about us sittin’ on your porch. The way you were holdin’ onto that beer bottle? All I could do was imagine how your pretty fingers would look wrapped around my cock,” he murmured into the shell of your ear. “Bringin’ it to those pouty little lips of yours. Goddamn I thought about your tongue on me, baby. Takin’ me in real good in your mouth. Lickin’ this cock that gets hard just for you. That wet, warm mouth just for me.”

Your breath hitches in between Joel’s incredibly specific and detailed account.

“And when you were havin’ that little spitfire spell’uh yours, kickin’ the lawn mower?” he continued, earning a moan from you in half arousal and half embarrassment remembering your temper tantrum that day. “When you kicked it, your tits jiggled all in that little tank top you had on. Had to stop myself from marchin’ over right then and there and shovin’ my dick right in between ‘em and fuckin’ ‘em.”

You would’ve rubbed your thighs together just for the friction right now, but Joel had slotted himself in between your legs and was pushing his hard-on against your clothed pussy in a teasing grind that was driving you insane. Your hips canted at the hint of contact.

“Sittin’ in those cute little cutoffs,” he groaned low. “Your thighs spreadin’ on the seat. Wanted to grab you up and make my face your new seat, baby. Wanted those thighs on either side of my face while you rubbed your pretty little cunt all over my mouth.”

“J-Jesus christ,” you whimper. This man was giving  you the dirtiest play by play of all the ways he’d envisioned himself exploring your body. Your pussy had already bottomed out by the time he got to the part about the lawn mower.

“‘N I jus’ know, baby, I just know it. Know your pussy is made to take this cock, baby. I know it’s perfect. Know it tastes so fuckin’ sweet. Know I’d fuck you ‘til you couldn’t think straight. Make you come on my cock over and over.”

Okay, maybe you could let him do more than just describe how much he wants you.

“‘N then after I work my tongue over you, ‘n after you take this cock so good, I’d grab you up, all to myself. Soft skin against mine. So soft, baby. Pull you in close and never let go. Press you right against me, hold you all night, cuddle up real close. Then wake you up with my dick hard against your perfect ass and fuck into that sweet little hole all over again.”

“Joel,” you whine. 

“Hhmmm?” he drawled innocently, but you could feel his smile against your skin.

“I-I think I changed my mind. About telling me and not showing me. I think that, um, I think I’d really like for you to show me h-how much you want me,” you mumble against his cheek.

“S’that right, honey? You want a little show n tell now?” he teased. For good measure he rocked himself against the apex of your thighs, causing your hips to jerk up involuntarily to meet the movement. He chuckled at your eager change of heart.

Joel wasted no time nibbling and sucking your neck and his hands snaked up your shirt and under your bralette. The pads of his thumbs circle your pebbled nubs, and you let out a choked sigh. He shoved your clothing off with a few tugs and stopped to marvel at your bare top half. “God, even better than I imagined.” 

His greedy eyes raked over every inch of you, a reverential gaze at your curvy figure. Heat spread between your legs when he dipped his mouth to your chest, leaving a wet trail with his tongue and lips in a freeform pattern before drawing your erect nipples between his teeth. Your back curved off the couch in a jerk at the delightful tease.

His hands covered large swaths of your abdomen where he enthusiastically massaged and kneaded into your flesh like he couldn’t grab enough of it at once. You lifted your hips when he pulled your shorts and panties off, and you would’ve been self-conscious about being completely nude while Joel was still fully dressed if you hadn’t seen the way his eyes glazed over with want as he absorbed the sight of you.

“Goddamn,” he breathed. “So pretty. Been wantin’ to drink this pussy from the first time I saw you.” His eyes flitted up to your face with a degree of effort as though he had to tear his gaze away from your heavenly body. He searched your features, checking in and making sure you still wanted this. You nod in consent, and no sooner is his tongue lapping between your folds.

You fist a handful of his hair at the overwhelming feeling of wet heat against you, and Joel groans in a deliciously lewd way that takes you even closer to the limit. He lathes against your heat with the fervor of a devout addict, and you come with a slamming jolt when he simultaneously slips two large fingers into you and sucks your clit.

“There’s my girl,” he coos, working you with a steady drag and push of his fingers as you come down from your high. “Knew you’d look so fuckin’ pretty comin’ undone, baby.” Your first orgasm quickly rolled into a second when Joel drove a third finger into you with a steady thrust. You cry out, clenching around the painfully sweet stinging stretch of his fingers. 

You grab desperately at the tent in his pants. “S’about you today, baby,” he murmured into your thigh where he’s planting slow, sweet kisses. 

“Please, Joel. Want to see you. Taste you,” you rasp out, still pulsing weakly around his digits. You groan when he pulls his fingers from you and laps all the glistening slick from them before standing in front of you. You sit up in a rush, eager to see more of him. He obliges and unfastens his jeans. His impressively thick

length made you gasp when he sprang it free from his underwear. You don’t hesitate to fit as much of him into your mouth as you can, and he lets out a satisfied hum when his tip nudges the back of your throat.

“Shit, I’m gonna come, baby,” he croaked. Apparently working you over had done a number on him already, and it made you want him even more. You wordlessly released him in a sloppy, wet pop from your mouth and tilt your head back, stroking his length with one hand and fondling his balls with the other. When his breathing picks up and he’s on the edge, you stick your tongue out expectantly and continue to fist him until his hips stutter and jerk, his spend cascading onto your cheeks, lips, and tongue.

You both just sprawled out on the couch like two chalk outlines haphazardly jutting into odd angles on pavement. You giggled when Joel asked you if you believed him now, and you said he had indeed made a believer out of you. 

That was the first night you stayed over his place, and just like he had told you earlier that day, he scooped you in close to him, cuddling and shamelessly grabbing at your belly, thighs, and anywhere else he could reach while he peppered the back of your neck with kisses. It was the first time in a very long time that you didn’t once think about how much space you took up.

This one’s for all my baddie thickies out there!

I have hope that one day Miss Thickums® will come to love on herself a bit more because she deserves it, dammit. Also that and the fact that I get down bad for a lil Rubenesque cutie ha ha. 

I hope y’all liked this little pairing! I have been working on Endless Night and Feral Woman but couldn’t get this idea out of my head so I just churned it out. I’m a sucker for fluff and praise, so this was a nice detour from my heavier series (but you should def go check those out too lmao). 

I have so many more ideas for this pairing. I just know that AU friendly DILF neighbor Joel Miller has always been a “more cushion for the pushin” kinda guy and would love to nibble every pudgy roll on your body. His favorite spot is your lil muffin top. That’s my headcannon, and I won’t hear any differing opinions.

Let me know if y’all want more from these two. :)

Catch ya later,

♥Puddles♥

#fic: a weight off your shoulders #joel miller #joel miller x plus size reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #tlou fic #joel miller hbo #the last of us fanfiction #oneshots

[selfishwife]

Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace

My brother B once said days are hard when you feel every emotion in 24 hours, and I'm there. The rage, the sadness, the attempts to be still and "enjoy the good moments." The need to keep my house literally in order, take care of my kids, dealing with my spouse's ping-pong emotions, working. Little victories are constatntly squashed down.

I've recently narrowed down something important -- people are petty or people are graceful. From where I sit, those are the parameters. Sure, everything is a spectrum, but the people who show up are the people who show up, and it's not always who you expect. That's a wonderful gift. Luckily your ride or dies are there, but the people who have come out of the woodwork, whether it be at work, my community, etc, has blown my mind. I don't want to seem ungrateful for it. But my heart is so full of the negative I can't seem to breathe.

In part, this is because those that don't show up also try to push you down. They tell you a story that's inappropriate, they make what's happening to my family about them. They push their pain onto you, or their desire to be "most martyred." Don't get me wrong, I don't want or need the world's sympathy, I just don't want bullshit. The pain I feel is so overwhelming that I don't have room for the stuff I can normally roll my eyes at or laugh off. It sits on top of me like a stone, resting atop the boulder that's already on my chest. It's impossible to move past the small things and paralyzes me.

Yesterday my backyard neighbor, with who up to now we've had a friendly relationship, called our town about some water seepage in their backyard. Part of it relates to us, and part of it doesn't. It's occurring behind our garage, where we can't see it. I'm neighborly to a fault, and I hate the idea of someone's home not working because of us. But they chose not to come over and tell us, and not work it out. Instead, I had a note on my front door to call the village and find out who had tattled on me. It fucking hurt my heart, and after going to talk about it the homeowner was a huge bitch. It's not worth getting into here, but the whole thing was so unnecessary.

This "tattling" has happened at my work lately too. Luckily I haven't been in the crosshairs (thank you, Cancer Card!) but some good friends have. It all stems from this idea that tattling absolves people of personal responsibility and ownership. Adults engage in dialogue, not hiding behind smokescreens of anonymous accusations. The truth gets out anyway, and then there's just awkwardness.

I guess I'm trying to say is there is no patience or grace anymore. This line comes from the Foo Fighters' song Home, and in it, my BFF Dave is trying to find his way home, despite obstacles of being on the road, etc. It's all "let's blame others, let's not look inward." I'm the first person to admit I'm not perfect. There are a zillion things I could do to be a better human being. But despite everything, I try. I try my best to listen to people. I try my best to bring things to people's attention, even when it's hard. On top of everything else, I don't want to be the punching bag for another person's insecurities. Not that anyone else does.

#foo fighters #cancer #caregiver #Spotify

[olderthannetfic]

I am feeling a bit strange about asking this. Though I thought it would be prudent to ask. How do you deal when a popular or somewhat well- known fanfiction author in a fandom dislikes/hates you? Like they would go out of their way to really put down my writing consistently after a conversation went down badly. They made me feel less confident as a writer and made comments about me as a person too in a negative light. I wonder if they actually tell people not to read my fics and I do know they sometimes talk ill of me. I am asking to better understand why someone may act like this and what measures could someone take to approach this. Thank you for your time.

--

I'm sure it happens a lot. Just because they're popular doesn't mean they can't be thin-skinned, insecure, petty, or neurotic like the rest of us.

Don't bother trying to address it with the person themselves. Either they'll get over it or they won't, and them constantly badmouthing you while you stay silent about them just makes them look petty and like they're begging for your attention.

As for why they're doing it... Petty revenge for that conversation they didn't like. Extreme territorialness over the fandom so that your "wrong" take on the characters is ~literally hurting them~ and they feel entitled to retaliate. Jealousy because your writing is actually good. Petty snobbery because it isn't.

"Because they got issues, dude" is the basic answer in all such cases.

If they control a large clique, then yes, maybe that clique won't like your work. You might get the silent treatment or even kicked from a few discords. But who cares? AO3 is open to anybody, and a huge proportion of the readers there aren't even in these same fandom spaces. I know a bunch of people who are only active on fucking Facebook. (How? Why?) The population of r/Fanfiction on god damn Reddit is full of AO3 people now. Fic readers have all kinds of levels of social involvement outside of AO3 on all kinds of websites and offline too.

You're never going to get as much feedback as you'd like regardless of what this other person does. That's a universal truth for fic writers, so don't worry about it. Be nice to randos and keep posting more works. If you put yourself out there, you can build up some other friend group that doesn't include this person or their toadies.

As for your writing, self confidence can be hard for many. If you can avoid this negative downer of a human being, that would be good. But ultimately, love of your own writing comes from within, both from a sense of what you personally think makes for good writing and from an inner sense of self worth that isn't tied to specific external validation. That's something you can work on regardless of this current situation.

[nagitoandkokichioneshots]

Kokichi’s fluff alphabet

Mod Mikan: Fluff alphabet is from @mod-sonia-writes-stuff! Keep being awesome, darling! :)

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

-Kokichi gets bored pretty easily, so he likes any acitivity where he’s always on his feet doing something fun with his SO. This can range from a variety of dates in his mind, such as the amusement park, carnival, arcade, even walking in the park!

-Dates with him can get a bit tiring, considering you are always doing something, but nevertheless, they are super fun and full of energy! He’s also a huge man-child, so going shopping to Build-a-bear or pranking your classmates are also on the agenda!

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

-Kokichi adores everything about his SO. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Though, if he had to pick, he’d say their sense of humor and smile. He loves how he can have fun with them and their smile just lights up the whole room!

-He also likes how they wouldn’t change themselves for anyone since he fell in love with the real you! It makes him wanna take down his own walls when you guys are alone

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

-I think Kokichi would be a total sweetheart when it comes to comforting his SO when they’re feeling sad. I believe he has had his fair share of panic attacks in the past and although he didn’t have anyone to comfort him, he knows exactly what to do for his SO. He will never let his SO feel the sadness that he had to face, so his first instinct would be to hug them and pull them onto his lap. He’d shush them gently and try to help them get their breathing under control if they were feeling paranoid and anxious

-After you are calmed down a bit, Kokichi would ask you if you wanna talk about it or not. If you did, he would be listening and full locked into what you were saying. After you were done speaking, he would try his best to cheer you up, telling jokes and putting on your favorite movie. He’d poke your cheeks, cuddle you, tickle fights, anything to see that smile he adores so much!

-If you didn’t wanna talk about it, that is fine too! He would skip right into doing anything to make you smile again!

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

-I believe that it would actually take a long time before Kokichi would consider settling down with his SO. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he doesn’t want to. A secure future with you is all he ever wants! But there are a few factors that would make him a bit unsure about his vision alongside you

-Deep down, Kokichi is very insecure. It’s a deal of coming to terms that he even deserves to have you. He may be a big talker, but he struggles with his own negative thoughts surrounding himself, and he really yearns of the day where he can come to terms that he deserves someone like you

-He also never had such a deep emotional connection with a single person before. He’s very inexperienced in the romance department, let alone, friendship even! He’s not sure if this would even last, since everyone ends up hating or leaving him in the end. It would take a while before he would feel confident that you want to stay by his side

-He also doesn’t want you to get hurt. His organization may just be a small group of harmless pranksters, but DICE has gotten into some serious trouble before. Kokichi will protect you with his life, but in the event that he fails to, he would never forgive himself if something bad happened to you because of him

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

-It would appear like Kokichi is mostly dominant in the relationship. He looks like he’s the one who makes a lot of decisions in the relationship, ranging from date nights, milestones, anniversaries, and even planning out surprises between him and his SO. While he may take control a lot, he really does this to make sure that he can spoil his SO like they deserve. He’s very calculating and plans everything to every small detail, so he’s very confident in his ideas. He will deny that he’s spoiling them, but trust me, honey--he is!

-Of course, Kokichi would never do anything if it made his SO uncomfortable. He always asks for consent if he has a seed of doubt in the back of his mind that his SO would be against. However, it’s pretty rare that he would ask them if they were okay, since he’s certain of himself that he knows his SO very well. He also wouldn’t ask consent of surprises, since well--it’s a surprise!

-Despite being the dominant one, Kokichi is totally open to what you wanna do as well. He’s always ready to hear your thoughts and input on dates. He would make teasing comments, calling your ideas ‘cheesy’ or ‘lame’ but he would still do them anyway. He complains and says “He was forced to do this” but don’t worry, darling--he loves doing pretty much anything with you and loves your ideas ;)

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

-Kokichi is a huge brat and a literal embodiment of a man-child. But when he fights with his SO, it’s an even bigger nightmare. He wouldn’t even try to lie, he would be so open about how he feels and just blurt out whatever was on his mind. He would aggravate the situation even more than necessary, causing a full-blown fight to break out. Kokichi may be self aware, but when he gets emotional, he won’t even try to hold anything back

-However, Kokichi loves you so so so much. There is no way he can stay mad at you forever! However, I think him forgiving his SO would depend entirely on what the fight was about. If it was a petty, lover’s squabble, he would forgive his SO with ease, calling/texting them saying they have to talk. If they refuse to talk to him, he would even show up at their house ready to apologize. If that doesn’t work, hell-he’ll get DICE to kidnap you and bring you to his office!

-He’s super stubborn when it comes to you not giving him attention, and when it comes to fighting you, he will forgive you super easily. You’re his weak spot, and it pains him to see you so upset at him because of something stupid he said/did

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

-Kokichi is extremely grateful for his SO! He covers up his gratitude by saying that they ‘ruined’ him in a sense, but it’s all in good intent: He went from a feared and hated evil dictator, to a huge softie and cuddle bug at night! You taught him what love was and how to feel it. You brought light into his dark life. It’s even safe to say that you are is everything

-He will always show his gratitude instead, by planning fun date nights, spontaneous surprises, and romantic cuddle sessions. He always covers up his lovey-dovey nature by teasing or even saying his signature line “It’s a lie!” by we all know he’s lying about lying--he absolutely loves you to death and his intense actions show it!  

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

-It would depend on how deep the relationship is. At first, he would be pretty reserved and wouldn’t really talk about his feelings at first. He would boast about really anything he would deem ‘proud of’ and tease his SO with ‘lies’, sometimes being true, sometimes just being flat out playful banter. He wouldn’t really open up at first, but he would definitely try for you

-Kokichi will never admit this, but he does wanna better himself for you. After all, you’re such an important person in his life! You’re the only person that can wrap him around your finger and he hella loves it! Over time, I feel like he would break down his walls and open up a bit. It would take a while and with some effort, he would drop his facade with you and be more genuine and honest with you. Be patient, honey. He’s really trying!

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

-As said before, you ruined him! It may only be with you, but he has learned to be more open and sincere about his feelings and reactions. He kept up his ‘evil supreme leader’ act for so long, practically being used to people hating him. But you were special to him, since you don’t hate him like everyone else did. He would certainly learn to be more honest with you around, and he eventually grows to be a very wholesome lover

-Another secret Kokichi will never admit is that you turned him into a huge sweetheart. He’s ‘gone soft’ because of you and even shows a hidden hopeless romantic side to himself. With Kokichi being....well Kokichi, he will hide his thoughtfulness and selflessness with playful banter and teasing, or even call it a ‘lie’ but with time, he will take off that mask and be genuine more often. He obviously won’t stop teasing completely, since it’s a huge part of who he is, but he really does wanna be good enough for you

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

-Kokichi is prone to get very possessive towards his lover. He doesn’t like it when another man even touches you. Even seeing someone else’s eyes wander all over you in an attractive manner makes his blood boil. It’s actually pretty easy to get him jealous, but admitting it is a whole different story

-Kokichi acting on his jealously can go two ways:

1) He silently glares daggers at the guy until he leaves. Later, he will deny that he was ever jealous and won't admit it. He feels like being jealous shows vulnerability, and he doesn’t wanna seem weak. This would especially be prominent in the beginning of the relationship  

or

2) He will annoy the S H I T outta the guy and cling onto you like a koala. When you guys get home, he will kiss you like there is no tomorrow and will get (even more) clingy than usual. This would usually be the option if you guys were dating for a long time and Kokichi was in the middle of coming to terms that you weren’t leaving him and it was okay to be honest with someone he trusts--you!

Either way, both options will end in the dude getting pranked for life

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

-Kokichi’s kisses at first are very inexperienced. He never had a close emotional connection with someone, so it’s all super new to him. He may take initiative a lot, but he wants everything in this relationship to be perfect, so he would back out on kissing for a bit before he would plan out how to make it special

-After some thinking, he would just be like ‘fuck it’ and kiss you at such a random and unexpected time. Kokichi’s kisses are like him--spontaneous, unpredictable, and random! He’s super quick with his kisses and LOVES to peck your cheek, forehead, hand, and even neck to get a cute reaction from you. But he’s also a big fan of making out when he has the chance

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

-Kokichi wouldn’t just fall in love with anyone. It would have to be someone that he already has a close connection with. He would be most likely to fall in love with someone he considers a close friend to him. It would take some time, but patience is key

-When Kokichi starts to feel romantic attraction to his now crush, he starts to distance himself a lot. Romantic feelings are all so new to him, and he's very inexperienced when it comes to close relationships. He has only told Kaito and Shuichi, a bit reluctant to receive help from Kaito. They start to coach him, or in Kaito's terms, 'man him up'. It took help from both men to finally aid Kokichi into confessing to his crush, making sure that they knew he was totally honest in his confession

-The week before the confession, Kokichi said that he'd be in his room and lab more often, because of an upcoming 'test' in Friday. Little did (Y/N) know that their devious friend was reading romance novels and watching youtube videos on 'how to be a good boyfriend' Kokichi wasn't really one to care about tests, so what exactly was this quiz about that he was 'studying' so hard for? When they went to ask Kaito about it, he just chuckled and ruffled their hair

"Don't worry about it, (Y/N)! Kokichi will tell you on Friday!"

-Friday came and the pair finally met up at the gym. With a bouquet of flowers in his hand, he asked--er, demanded--the question

"Date me! You can’t say no to an awesome supreme leader like me!”

-I feel like at first, they would believe it’s just another one of his jokes, lies, or pranks. Kokichi would be heartbroken on the inside, but he would play it off as a joke that “Nishishi~! You got me!” and run away, trying to hide his embarrassment. It would take time, and some more help from Shuichi and Kaito, but after reassuring them that it was a genuine question, Y/N would hesitate before agreeing to go out with Kokichi  

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

-This really ties in with his ‘D-Dream” category. While he really does want a future with you, it would take some time to even consider making it a reality. He would have to establish a very close and deep connection with you and be sure that you aren’t going to leave him. He also needs to come to terms that he actually deserves you and that you won’t get hurt because of him

-Somedays, Kokichi would be lost in thought, considering the possibility of marriage. With time, he’d definitely talk about it with having a future with his SO, but he wouldn’t say the actual words ‘marriage’ or anything related to it. While he may play it off as a joke at the end, he really does mean every word he says

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

-Loves to call you any pet names that makes you all flustered and blushy. While he loves to tease you, he also likes to incorporate his dark and evil persona along with his nicknames for you. Would cycle between “My dear” and “My sweet(heart)”. He will even add a ‘my precious’ or ‘my darling’ before calling your name, making you blush in public. Would use “My queen/king/liege’ sparingly at first, but gradually, it becomes a regular pet name

-If it was a time where he was serious and teasing/playful banter had no room in this grave and heavy conversation, he would call you ‘Angel’

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

-Kokichi keeps a poker face on when it’s just him and his other classmates. When you aren’t around, he carries on with his day like it’s nothing new, and just annoys and causes trouble, ya know, the usual “Kokichi” stuff

-Deep down, you are always on his mind. You filled his head with nothing but you, you, and you! He loves you so much and while it may not be visibly present just by looking at him, he’s great at bottling up his emotions. He will never let anyone see such a weak and vulnerable side of him  

-When you are with him though, he would be ALL over you! He has crackhead energy and loves to just be a personal koala when you are around. He will be very clingy physically and love to show you off any chance he gets, even if it’s clear as daylight to the others that you are in a relationship. And making the others all annoyed by his PDA is a bonus!

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

-As said before, Kokichi is ALL! OVER! YOU! It’s motherfucking Kokichi, he will show off anything: You not being an exception! He’s not into hand-holding that much, believing it’s ‘too weak’ between couples that love each other. He wouldn’t be shy about straight up hugging you, kissing your lips, resting his head on your shoulder, and swinging his arm around you. He will always have some way of touching you and he likes the feeling of your skin against him. It assures him that you’re real--that you aren’t going to leave him

-He also loves to compliment you and make you all flustered with his words. He would brag about you in front of all the others, you just standing next to him all red in the face. You W I L L be called at least one nickname in public!

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship

-Kokichi is a very detailed-oriented planner and hyper intelligent. When he plans date, he always makes sure that everything will be perfect and guarantees that you will have a blast with him! He also doesn’t wanna have a boring time with you and wants to be entertained, as well as wanting the same for you. If you guys are going on a date planned by him, there is always a 100% chance that you will have fun and a good time

-Overall, he’s very good and skilled at planning dates, promising you a great time with him!

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

-It’s really a mix of cliché and creative. While Kokichi has his own way of doing things and will whatever he wants, whenever he wants, he also tries a lot in the relationship to keep you happy. He would go to the depth of hell for you, and while he may just seem like an annoying brat who whines for attention on the surface, you have absolutely no idea what he is capable of when it comes to his beloved

-He blends the two really well, being romantic and creative at the same time. He’s unique with his way of showing love, however he’s fluent in many love languages, whether it would be acts of service, physical affection, or praises. He’s a fan of cuddles, but would tickle you and kiss your neck sweetly while he cradles you in his arms. He would plan adventurous date nights, but add his own twist and spice into it as well ;)

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

-Look....Kokichi is a shithead. But he’s a shithead that cares. He is extremely supportive in what you do and will never lie about his feelings towards something so important, as in you following you dreams. He would make little playful and mischievous comments calling your dream “cliché” or “lame”, but he will always be here if you ever need help

-Will do everything in his power to make sure that you are on the right track towards achieving your goals. He will fight tooth and nail for you and what you want. You mean everything to him and seeing you so happy in achieving your goals is rewarding to the both of you

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

-At the beginning of the relationship, Kokichi would constantly be trying new things with you, dragging you to different places and even pranking people just cause! Kokichi has a habit of being bored quickly, so he would always be trying out new things and is open to new suggestions

-Overtime, he would settle into a routine with you. Of course, he’s open to surprises and loves spontaneous, uninvited events to spice things up, but he would fall into doing certain things with you and making a habit out of them. Waking up next to you and falling asleep with you doesn’t sound too bad. Cuddle sessions after work? Going out for a midnight run at McDonald’s when you can’t sleep? Sounds like a plan to him! When he’s with you, he doesn’t fall into boredom easily, because you’re far from a boring person to him

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

-He knows you probably better than you know yourself! Kokichi is observant, aware, and hyper intelligent. Seeing how your eyes sparkle when you see something you like, or how your lip twitches into a slight, nearly invisible frown when you see something you hate, he will take mental notes. You’re basically going to love anything he gifts you or dates that he came up with, since he’s always putting your thoughts into account. He does everything for you and is one of the most selfless partners you will find. You may even call him wholesome when it comes to his SO  

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

-His relationship with his SO is very important to him and is probably the most valuable thing in his life, along with DICE. He will never chose between the two, since he cares deeply about both his families. Ya know how his motive video was DICE? You could’ve easily been his motive video if you guys were together prior to the killing game, since you are really the most important person in his life

-It’s clear that he has a strong biased towards you, since he rarely insults you and his pranks and teasing regarding you are much more toned down than it is with his classmates. He plays less pranks on you and makes you more of his partner in crime

-Overall, you are his guardian angel, his whole world, his everything. He loves you very much, it’s actually quite concerning the lengths he would go for you. He’d never do anything violent though, since his organization has a policy against killing, but rather manipulate and work on a crafty, sneaky plan if it would benefit you in the end. He would literally, and I mean--LITERALLY- do almost anything for you

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon

-Kokichi has written love letters addressed to his SO, expressing his real and true feelings about them. However, he always backs out on giving them the letters, not wanting to seem like he’s getting attached too fast or that it’s cheesy and not very ‘evil supreme leader’ like of him. He keeps the love letters in a box locked in a drawer underneath his desk. When he’s alone, he’d take the letters out, re reading them with a smile on his face. He always writing new ones, but never gives them to you because of his own insecurities and clashing thoughts. Unless, one day, you stumble upon it somehow, they’re really just collecting dust inside his desk

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

-Kokichi is a HUGE fan of affection. He’s big on PDA and loves to show you off to all his classmates and even his DICE members. He absolutely has no shame and his hands are ALL over you! Behind closed doors or even in public, he will never deny a chance to cuddle, kiss, hug, or just show you how much he loves you

-He’s so affectionate, it may come off as possessive or borderline obsession sometimes. But he can’t help it! You’re an angel and someone better is bound to sweep you off your feet! He wants you all to himself, you’re the only person that was ever there for him, the only person that understands him, the only person he can trust and be real with. You accepted him for being him and for some reason, you claim that you love him

-How can he not love you?

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

-Three words: Annoying his classmates

-If people thought he was annoying from the get-go, Kokichi when he’s away from his partner is a total nightmare. He becomes even more of a shithead, crying and whining for his lover to come back. The tears are real and he won’t fake anything that concerns you, but he would also just loudly complain about how boring it is without you to irritate his classmates even more. Let’s just say that your classmates, especially Shuichi and Kaito, will be E X T R E M L Y grateful when you return. Expect Kokichi to literally run towards you and hug you tightly, commanding you to never leave him again

-Kokichi also texts you and calls you whenever he can, finding anything to talk about just to see that you are okay and still safe. His first thing to do when he wakes up is facetime you. When he’s about to go to sleep, he can’t unless he chats with you and tells you goodnight

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

-Isn’t it strange how the fandom simps for Kokichi, but in every single fanfic he’s the one simping for us? Well....nothing has changed. Kokichi is a deadass simp for his lover. As states previously, he won’t do anything violent. He is a pacifist and doesn’t actually harm people

-Nevertheless, he’s more of a manipulative and scheming type of person. He’s the leader of a group of skilled pranksters, no doubt he would be sending DICE on someone’s ass if they were to hurt or even hit on the supreme leader’s lover! He would also subject someone to a life of emotional/mental pain and misery with an elaborate plan that he’s been thinking about. While Kokichi wouldn’t physical harm anyone, it doesn’t mean he isn’t a dangerous, calculating person  

#danganronpa kokichi #kokichi oma #kokichi oma headcannons #kokichi oma x reader #kokichi oma x y/n #kokichi headcanons #kokichi #DRV3 #Kokichi oma drabble #drv3 x reader #danganronpa killing harmony #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa x y/n #danganronpa oneshot #fluff alphabet #Kokichi fluff

[ginanosakka]

The War Has Begun

Masterlist

Mind of a Monster | Next

Katsuki had been quiet as a mouse since the meeting, and even as he handled the investigation and information he was being relayed by those part of the mission, he looked more in thought than exploding with anger at his current situation. Usually, he would be patrolling the streets, taking down any petty thug or idiotic villain that dared to cause a scene in his area, but he found himself patrolling for as long as many other heroes he knew that preferred to take this profession slow. It didn’t even matter to him that he was seeing icy-hot on the news more than him now when he sat in the living room with his son.

His son.

Those words felt so right now despite the fact that children were at the bottom of his list of things to deal with. Seeing that blonde boy with the same blown out ashy blonde hair as his, sharing the same eyes with that damn sparkle of the girl he was forever intertwined with, he felt nothing but pure satisfaction and peace. The same satisfaction and peace he believed he could only have by being the number one hero, which was the reason why he spent so much overtime as a hero to try and surpass Deku, and to never be lumped into the same category as Todoroki. When he thought of being number one now, he couldn’t find that same passion for it.

“You should feel honored that the future number one hero lets you talk to him.” Katsuki boasted, grinning like a maniac while you sat across from him at the mall food court.

“Being number one is a sham, you know. My dad said that all those heroes at the top do it for money and fame, with the only exception being All Might. I prefer heroes like Gang Orca, he’s super cool and he actually cares about the people he’s saving.” You mentioned casually, picking up another fry from your tray of food and chewing on it.

Katsuki simmered down enough to take in what you said, and felt the slight shade you threw at his goal. “What’s that supposed to mean?! You think I’m a bad hero or something?!” He shouted, and you shrugged while ignoring the stares that you two were getting.

“That isn’t my dream to pick at, but it’s not hard to see that Endeavor doesn’t save lives because he cares about people. . You said the reason you want to be a hero was to make a lot of money and show off that you were better than everyone else. Do you really think you’re an All Might and not an Endeavor?”

He stood up with his hair casting a shadow over his eyes, and before you could even say another word, he walked away from you. You stared after him in shock at such a negative reaction from the truth, but you knew that he wouldn’t take that well. It was the truth that he’d been facing since starting UA that he wasn’t like his classmates who all shared his goal, but you knew he didn’t understand what you truly meant. The heaviness of your words weighed Katsuki down as he walked away from, his insecurities that he’d hide from you shining through in that moment. You were right in that moment; Katsuki didn’t understand what you meant, but he can’t pretend like it didn’t hurt.

“Real heroes don’t care about being number one as long as they’re helping someone. . what a dumbass.” Katsuki mumbled the moral of your words as they hit him like a train wreck.

‘She’s always been that damn wise, huh?’ He thought as he turned away from watching the television with his son to you.

You sat not too far away from them on his recliner, your legs crossed and eyes intently focused on your phone as you typed away. All morning you had been like that when you weren’t talking or doing something with Ryu. The two of you had not moved forward since his apology, but there were no longer small acts of aggression towards him when you spoke, and in your constant teasing of his short temper, there was no longer any comments about the past riddled in your humor. Though that didn’t ease his mind about the unspoken rivalry that had sprung from your reappearance.

He refused to lose you again, and damn sure not to shitty hair.

Without warning, Katsuki stood up and stalked towards you. His sudden movements took your attention away from your emails with your assistant and you looked up at him as he towered over you, and you’d never admit that the butterflies in your stomach weren’t from fear. In a simple tank top and shorts standing above you was a man that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, but you’d much rather burn the image in the back of your mind and keep your hormones to yourself than embarrass yourself.

“We’re going out.” He said as if stating a fact, and in his mind, it very much was.

“. . . Who the fuck is we? Ryu, you didn’t hear me say that.” You blinked at Katsuki as if he had grown three heads, before looking to Ryu who’s attention had moved to the both of you when he heard the foul word fall from your mouth.

“When I burn stuff I’m bad, but you can say bad words,” you heard your five year old huff.

“I mean you and I,” Katsuki explained with slight irritation at you. “Pinky’s been bugging me anyway, so she can-“

You cut him off and turned your phone off, “there’s no need to call her. My assistant will watch him and I’ll babysit you.”

“Pain in my ass,” Katsuki mumbled just loud enough for you to hear as you stood up, and you smiled in return.

Being stuck in Katsuki’s house most of the time made you appreciate the outdoors more, and maybe a few weeks ago you’d complain about being in the park without Ryu, but it felt like a stilled moment in time now where you could pretend there was a sense of normalcy. You could pretend like you and Katsuki were just frenemies with complicated emotions, and he could take a breath from that world of constant ridicule and popularity contests. It was never spoken between you two, but it was clear that it wasn’t just you that was causing him to be stressed and consistently explosive; the hero community was wearing him down for a while now.

It only took finding out he had a child, rivaling the girl he lost, and having them both be targeted by her father, for him to realize being number one wasn’t that important.

“So, why did you want to take me to the park . without the child that loves the park?” You said with mild amusement, you two walking side by side in your hoodies and sweats to be at least slightly concealed in public.

Truthfully, in his moment of haste to get a leg up on his own friend, he hadn’t fully thought out an idea to get close to you. It wasn’t until he made it out of the apartment, after barely casting a glance at your assistant, Nanami, that you allowed into his home, that he realized this may not have been the smartest course of action. And he’d never admit that to you.

“You looked like you needed some time away, and I’m tired of looking at you working when you’re not even there.” He said gruffly, avoiding your face and doing his best to fight the small blush he could feel heat up his cheeks.

You chuckled lowly, “some things never change. . Speaking of that, how are things with Midoriya? I was surprised to hear that you didn’t full on murder him when he was announced the number one hero.” You said, giving him a sideways glance to gauge his reaction.

That was quite a blow to his ego. It took him a while to recover from losing to the boy he had looked down on his entire childhood, and then underestimated in his later years until he was forced to realize that Deku was his equal. What he lacked, Deku excelled, and there was nothing he could do about that other than to work harder. It took a long time for Katsuki to truly accept that there was something special about that nerd, and the world needed him.

“He’ll always be a loser to me. . but he’s a decent hero. I’d be a dumbass like the rest of you to kick his ass about it.” Katsuki said and looked you in the eyes, showing that he meant every word. “You know, I can’t tell if you hate me or care too damn much sometimes.”

You hummed with a smile creeping up on your face, “It’s a healthy balance of both. . I’m not ready

to overthink us right now when I can’t be completely open with you, or anyone else for that matter.” The smile that grew had withered near the end of your sentence, and you felt a flash of guilt in you for dragging him into a battle that had little to do with him. You dragged an entire army of heroes into this, and you couldn’t even guarantee they’d have their jobs. . without using them like pawns.

“I’m not letting you go through this alone. I don’t care how much you try to push me away, your shitty ass is stuck with me.” He said without missing a beat.

For a moment you smiled again, and Katsuki accepted the uncontrollable beating of his heart around you. Your bodies had inches closer during your walk, and though your hand never touched nor did your arms link, you felt close to another. It was possible that it was a toxic attachment neither of you should be so content within, neither of you wasted another breath to question it.

You both arrived back at the apartment a mere few hours later. Walking in public together in broad daylight wasn’t the safest idea at this time even in hoodies, so it wasn’t long before you both agreed to turn back. The sun was still shining outside when Katsuki opened the door, yet the eerie silence that welcomed him made a chill run down his spine and every alarm in his body went off at once.

His body reacted before his mind when he stalked towards the living room, then to the kitchen, and lastly to Ryu’s bedroom to find absolutely no one. There were things of Ryu’s missing — some clothes and toys that he took with him wherever he could. There were signs that a child had once been here still scattered around the house, but there wasn’t any sign that Nanami had ever been here.

Rage, fear, and sadness were running rampant in Bakugou’s mind as he frantically searched Ryu’s room for anything that would tell him where they went and that this was some misunderstanding. He was cursing himself for not taking a second look at that girl, and he cursed himself for leaving his only son with her when he knew nothing about her. Had he stopped and checked her out he might have been able to tell something was off — he might have been able to stop his son from going missing and be a good father like he should have.

His frantic thoughts stopped suddenly, along with his movements and time. He remembered who else was here and wasn’t making a sound while he tore the room apart. Who hadn’t made a single sound since leaving the park.

“Y/N.”

The way your name fell from his lips felt like venom being injected straight into your veins, but your face remained neural even as his manic eyes made contact with yours. You didn’t speak in fear that any response would cause him to spur completely out of control, and you knew that whatever response you gave him wouldn’t be good enough. This wasn’t a battle you’d win.

“Where. . Is he?” Katsuki asked slowly through gritted teeth.

“I think you need to-“ you attempted to reach out to him and de escalate this enough to explain, but he cut you off with more fury than a scorned man.

“Where is my son?!”

Before any answer could be given the front door was slammed opened with a deafening smack, sending you whirling around at the sudden action. Thundering footsteps came down the hall and before you could even let the anxiety consume you, men dressed in riot gear appeared in the doorway of the room with guns pointed in your direction. Your hands flew up automatically, and they wasted no time swarming you.

“Y/N L/N, you’re under arrest for conspiracy and premeditated murder.”

A/N: A missing mother, a missing son, and an arrest. What a wholesome story. Anyways, the angst never stops and the tables keep turning, LETS GET CRAZY!

Taglist (Closed) <3 : @fandomgirllover @cloudsgathering @that-bipolar-renegade-romantic @jazzylove @that-chick212 @bonbonthedragon @misssugarless @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @bakugous-bakahoe @pinkykookie17 @animexholic @arielting @samkysnks @simpforeveryone @damnirina @deneuves @tsumuuumiyaaaa @vintage-teddyxo @regalmigraine @samvmgh @iamagalaxy @officialtrashbusiness @xwackk @videogameboiwhowins @marajillana @ellasdilemma @plutoneu @saucey-kneecapzz42020 @thestarsanctuary @dewdropwifu @star-light-imagines @kritiiiii @bakugosbottombitch @the2ndl @candybabey @simply-not-the-same @sam-i-am-1025 @mes-bisous @eternallyvenus @peppytine @chaelysian @definitely-yours @oikawarc @suneaterofthebig3 @m0na-l0ver @nkb0048 @losertsukki @notyourfavorlte @caramelsquares @hikaru-mikazuki

#bakugou x reader #bnha bakugou #bnha #bakugo x reader #x reader #katsuki bakugo x y/n #bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #bnha angst #anime x reader #bnha kirishima #kirishima x reader #kiri

[softrozene]

I really like what you do, thank you for your writing! 🧡🌞 May I request headcanons for Mihawk, Crocodile and Kuzan getting jealous of men who get too close to their female s/o, please?

I FINALLY GOT TO THIS ONE (Can you see my excitement?) Thank you for saying so- And thank you for reading my content! I had fun with these because I can imagine these three easily just soaking in their jealousy as they pretend they are not jealous. I hope you enjoy these Lovely!

Crocodile, Kuzan, Mihawk x Female Reader

Warnings: Jealousy (in real life be wary of this trait please. You can never be too careful of toxic traits in relationships so take care of yourselves!) Fluff, comedic teasing, Croco boy is a bit of a psychopath and there are red flags

Words: 998

Crocodile-

Okay this man says he does not get jealous, but he does constantly

He always has an eye on his partner and let me emphasis the word: his

If he is not watching you, somebody is for him- So when Crocodile finds out that someone is getting too close to his woman- You can easily bet that there could be possible bloodshed

To Crocodile- It does not matter if the person getting close to you is a man or a woman- He will get jealous and angry because he should be the only one close to you *imagine the sparkly emoji here for some psychotic effect lmao*

However, a jealous Crocodile is frankly a terrifying one. Why?

He does not lash out immediately

He lets himself boil until the jealousy gets the better of him (and he is very strategic with how to use his jealousy)

Usually, he is able to calm himself but when it concerns his partner- anger is usually his top reaction because he wants her to be just safe and sound

You can always tell if he has reacted to it negatively. Such as the person is suddenly gone (big shocker- note the sarcasm), he suddenly giving you more expensive gifts than usual, or he is clingy (he is never clingy so this is the biggest reaction of them all)

He will never take out his jealousy on you though- but he does manipulate you in a way to where he paints others in a bad picture and him in a good light

Whatever he does do though- He would never blame you or restrict your freedom or anything as what some controlling jealous partners would do.

If you do point out his jealousy he will straight up ignore you for days out of slight embarrassment of being seen like that because Crocodile does not get jealous according to himself

He knows that his jealous trait is on the toxic side, but he does not care

In other words- Crocodile getting jealous is just: t e r r i f y i n g

Kuzan (Aokiji)-

Honestly, I can see Kuzan getting petty when he is jealous

Like he is already not that much of a talker (unless it is you) but he will be even colder (pun intended lmao) to those around him

He will have a shorter temper and will not hesitate to freeze people in their place if they misspeak to him

He knows jealousy isn’t a good look and he hates getting jealous (so it is rare for him to be so) but he loves his partner so much that he does have that slight fear that his partner would go for someone who doesn’t have an ice-like heart

Much like Crocodile (and Mihawk) he would never take it out on you

No, he just freezes others in place lol

However, if he knows the person getting close to you (for Kuzan he only cares if it is a man getting close to you) he will not hesitate to go talk to them

It will be a light conversation at first, getting the confession out of him such as agreeing to how beautiful you are or how amazing your personality is but the second the guy does confess this or goes too far in complimenting you- he becomes an icicle

When he is with you- The one way you can tell something is wrong is how quiet he is around you

Because around you, he can freely talk (or sleep) without unease so the second he treats you as if you were another marine- the act is up

You will have to remind him that he is the only one in your life (and he knows this but I like to imagine again that he has slight insecurity because of how aloof he is)

It may take a while but he will warm up to you again but when he does you can finally joke with him

“Awe, I told you your heart was not cold!”

Cue the embarrassment and “shut ups” as it makes you braver in your relentless teasing

Dracule Mihawk-

Okay this one is my favorite because I do not think he can ever be jealous UNLESS it is Shanks being the one close to you

If it were any other man he would be like: whatever

Only because he has full trust in you lmao so if it is his best friend the freaking Casanova, then yeah, he will be worried as all hell because he knows how smooth that man is

He does trust you (and Shanks because he knows Shanks would NEVER do him dirty like that) but it is a small illogical fear he has so he does get jealous and it is only noticeable to you and Shanks

Shanks like the idiot friend he is will 100% tease the hell out of him until Mihawk’s breaking point because their friendship is that great

Shanks will be more touchy with you- Wrapping an arm around you- flirting with you- It may seem like a jerk move but he is just teasing Mihawk for allowing emotion to come through since the man like to be an emotionless robot the majority of his life

You on the other hand will do whatever it takes to soothe Mihawk’s slight fear- So when Shanks gets out of control with his teasing it is up to you to get angry for both you and Mihawk (to which Shanks apologizes profoundly before you all share a good laugh)

Mihawk is all grunts during his jealous moment- He refuses to speak and only drinks his wine

After his friend leaves, Mihawk will feel a lot better and he will apologize for showing such an ugly side

You do not see why he is apologizing because he is only human, and you are happy (despite the sad situation of it all) that he loves you enough to show his jealousy

#my writing #one piece #one piece x reader #dracule mihawk #crocodile #kuzan #aokiji #fanfiction #headcanons #one piece fanfiction #one piece headcanons #female reader #dracule mihawk x reader #crocodile x reader #kuzan x reader #jealousy #fluff

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Mission of Mercy: Nineteen

“I need a Volunteer to go on a goodwill mission,” Steve said looking up from his agenda.

“I’ll go,” you blurt out. Not looking at Bucky and tearing your attention away from the stack of papers in your hand. 

Steve nodded, “Great! This is kinda your wheelhouse isn’t it? We’ll get you an itinerary and a crew before too long.” He turned to the redhead on his right, “Nat, if she’s going do you want security detail?”

Nat frowned and you grinned at her across the table, “I’ll buy your drinks.”

“Done,” Nat said.

“Guys,” Steve said, “It’s a goodwill trip, not a party.”

You and Nat both turned to fix him with a slightly offended stare. “Given the archival footage we’ve seen-” you start and Bucky reaches over putting a hand over your mouth. 

“You two ain’t know nothin’” Bucky chuckled in your ear. Sure. Journalists were there to get propaganda footage. And sure. At the time Steve couldn’t get drunk. But that didn’t mean that the rest of them couldn’t. 

You giggle and Steve rolled his eyes, trying to look stern. But Steve, like a lot of people, had trouble being Stern with you. Bucky couldn’t do it seriously. Hell. He’d even seen Fury of all people struggle not to crack a smile. It caused a lot of trouble for rookies that didn’t realize they couldn’t do the same thing. 

_________

“The fuck you want to go to India for?” Nat said. 

“10 year class reunion,” you snort. “They have me listed specifically as a guest speaker.”

“Why?”

“I’m pretty close to famous? I guess?”

“What kind of class reunion has guest speakers?” she asked. 

“A bougie middle class one with pretentious of grandeur,” you snort, hefting your bag into the storage space assigned to you. 

“So, what?” she said grinning, stowing her own bag, “You’re sticking it to them.”

“Out of spite, yes,” you say, unashamed. 

Nat shook her head and set her feet in your lap as you pulled out a book to read on the flight. “You don’t even want to take Bucky? Show off your piece of antique beef cake?”

“Why would I want to show off to those people? I spent four years stewing in all their insecurities and petty arguments… so what if Jeff’s an accountant now? All I’ll be able to see is that he still frantically measures his penis before a date to see if he’s average.”

You hadn’t looked up from your book. Some thick  paperback. But all Natasha could do was blink at you for a second. For some reason, Natasha had never considered that. That your ability to know so much might create uncomfortable situations.  And how uncomfortable it would get being surrounded on all sides. 

“Hey Y/N,” Nat said after a long moment, chewing on that piece of information. 

“Yeah?”

“Is that why you keep to yourself so much?”

You exhale slowly and close your book, setting it aside. You aren’t sure if this is a metaphysical discussion. Or a heart to heart. It’s hard to tell with Natasha. But you do know that the spy appreciates your full attention. “Sometimes,” you answer carefully. “People are exhausting. There’s always all this push and pull. Trying to filter out what needs my attention and what doesn’t… It’s overwhelming.”

“But,” she prompts, knowing there’s a caveat. 

“But,” you sigh, “With people I know very well… It gets easier to tune out. It kinda turns into weird white noise. Like with Bucky. I KNOW what he needs to feel comfortable. And I KNOW what it means when he grunts at me when he’s irritated. So it gets a little easier to examine and let it go.”

Natasha nodded, mulling. She wanted to know if she was easy to be around. But she didn’t know if that was a thing she could ask. 

You smile a little, “Yes, Tasha,” you tell her, “You’re one of the like 6 people in the world that don’t make me want to jump off a bridge after an hour or two.” And then you turn back to your book. Immersing yourself in the familiar, well worn pages. Sure. It was a beach read, not high art. But that didn’t matter.

And the spy smiled. After 3 years, you still said things that surprised her. 

_________________

Bucky rifled through the papers on your desk. Ostensibly, he wanted a pen. And if anyone asked him, he was looking for a pen. He definitely was NOT looking for some clue about what to buy you for your birthday. He absolutely was NOT doing that. Because he was a good boyfriend and had already bought your present a week ago. 

He didn’t expect to find… anything. Least of all the invitation to your class reunion. For today. The day you kissed him good bye with a wink and a promise of something more decadent than vanilla cake for missing movie night. 

He looked at the paper. Obviously from a fancy printer. He tried not to assume something. Even if he felt… weird about it. 

Sure. You played a lot of things close to the chest. You avoided discussing somethings. But. High School wasn’t one of those things. You were pretty open about hating it. And Bucky wasn’t surprised you didn’t want to go. He was, however, surprised that you hadn’t said anything. 

Positive OR negative. 

Still. He put things back the way he found them and settled into your desk chair. Looking around the small cramped office like he was going to find a sudden inspiration. Or an answer. 

He didn’t mean to whack a button with his knee while he stretched like a cat. When the top on the desk rolled back, exposing a bunch of hidden papers… All Bucky could do was blink for a second. He knew, of course, that you kept journals. 

What he didn’t think was that you kept them. 

And his mouth went dry. There was just so much here. Glimpses into your private little world. Your thoughts. Your memories. Things that you kept for yourself… Things Bucky wanted to know. 

Things he wasn’t sure, even as he clenched his fists to keep from touching the covers, that he could leave alone.

#Bucky x reader #Steve Rogers #natasha romanoff #Bucky Barnes #Fluff #angst

[refriedweeb]

LET ME SANCTIFY YOUR BODY (SHINSOU + PLUS SIZED READER 18+)

A/N: refriedweeb here my little chickadees. Here’s another plus size reader one for all my beautiful thick babes out there. I’ve started hardcore sipping over everyone’s fave emo boy (who I always thought would prefer a thicker girl bc it just screams at you he would be) not responsible for any emotional trauma caused. ALSO, I used the same quirk from the Hawks’ series I have going on don’t judge me it’s honestly my favorite quirk I’ve thought up (and totally not bc I'm self-inserting) also if anyone draws y/n/me/yourself in this hero costume y/n chooses I'd die bc I think it’s so incredible

Prompt: Your hero agency has been pressuring you into a more scant, sexually appealing hero costume. Though you’re a hero, you’re still coming to accept your body and feel that the new costume they’ve put you in is anything but. Your boyfriend has other thoughts.

Tags/Warnings: body worship, oral, sex, spanking, shinsou being an absolute god

Word Count: 6,009

You stared at yourself in the reflection of the mirror in your bedroom. It’d been a long, exhausting past couple of weeks between you and the hero agency you worked for. They were insistent on changing up your hero costume, eager to add some sex appeal and tighter material around the assets that made you such a ‘feast’ as they called it. You were fuller figured, plump in spots that other female heroes weren’t. Your curves had caught the eye of the media surrounding the hero discourse, and you’d become something of a source of body positivity for the public. It wasn’t about your health, rather, but that strength and power came at any size, and a hero didn’t need to look like the heroes of the past in order to do good and be worthy of everything you had in your life. At first you’d been a little skeptical, sure that the other shoe was going to drop and you were going to be shunned for the tummy you had, the thickness of thighs that made you look ‘more beautiful than Venus being born’ according to one of the magazines that had commented on your body. 

However, you hadn’t seen anything wrong with the hero costume you’d been rocking prior to the media’s public obsession with you. It hid the insecurities that you wished to conceal, like that very tummy so many people had started to praise. The dimples in your thighs that showed through in the latex and skin tight material that made up so much of hero costumes. Many designers of said hero costumes had been scrambling to get their designs to your hero agency, practically groveling for you to pick theirs. You’d left that day after your seemingly endless patrol (thankful that nothing out of the ordinary outside of small, petty crimes) had come to an end. But...that didn’t mean the work was over just yet. The agency you worked in had been persistent that you needed to pick a new costume by the end of the week, and it was already Thursday. 

Your eyes moved from the mirror to the laid out costumes on the bed. The hero alias you went by was that of Nightmare. Your quirk was an Emitter quirk, and worked in a way that many people had been careful to get within your reach of. Once you activated your quirk, you could raise your target’s worst nightmare into a warped physical reality around them, or at least they perceived it to be a physical reality. What it really was, was a field of false reality with layers so thick it was hard to look through in order to see that it wasn’t real at all. A hallucination of the worst kind. You, much like your boyfriend Shinsou, had been people that your fellow classmates had thought would be best as villains, rather than heroes. People didn’t trust you, didn’t want to get to close to you lest you reach out a hand to their forehead and bring forth their own personal hell. 

They wanted to make someone they had once demanded be too dangerous to be a trustworthy hero into a sex symbol. The fleeting thought caused you to snort, your eyes moving back over the costume layout once more. Shinsou hadn't popped around to yours yet, likely still finishing out his own patrol. His opinions might have helped, but you weren’t sure when he’d get to yours and you’d rather get the uncomfortable trial and error of why your body didn’t look right in any of the costumes that had been sent to you over with. That way you could curl up in bed under the sheets and wait for Shinsou’s warm embrace. It’d always managed to make you feel better when you were sure the world hated everything about you. That very reason had been one of the reasons you and Shinsou had bonded so quickly. The world was determined to make you a villain before you’d even had a chance to prove them otherwise. You were each other’s biggest support system, the team cheerleader while you raced to make the world a better place. 

What would Nightmare wear? What would the unstoppable, dangerous Nightmare wear? The first costume was definitely not your speed, a deep plum color that was beautiful on its own. Yet, it was cut deep in the back with a half-peplum tiered skirt at the back of your waist. To you, it made you feel like a joke of a circus ring leader, feeling more like an overripe raspberry than a hero worth going toe to toe with. You didn’t have a body like Midnight or Mt. Lady. You were fuller all around, a pooch of a stomach that stuck out more than theirs, thighs that were thicker in muscle and fat then theirs. An ass, that as Shinsou had once said when he was drunk on sake, wouldn’t quit. Once again, you didn’t see anything wrong with the hero costume you had now. It was baggier, yes, allowing you to obscure a body you hadn’t fully come to terms with despite the years of progress you’d made with self-acceptance. Sure, the trench jacket did nothing to show off much of the body you’d worked hard to maintain and love, but it hadn’t been about how good you looked. It’d been about being able to do good and save people from villains. If you’d wanted to be judged for your looks, you would have signed up to be a model. But hero politics were the same politics that existed in every aspect of reality, and you had gotten used to it. It was really only a matter of time that you’d be up next in the line of speculation. The first costume was a hard no, and you peeled yourself out of it already feeling the sinking feeling of defeat as it crawled up into your spine. 

The second costume was better in some aspects, worse in others. It was black in color which was much more your speed, with a black mask to match that shielded the top half of your face. Yet, over your bust and over the widest part of your hips ran horizontal white lines, giving the effect of making them appear wider than they were. It wasn’t as if they just ran the front of the costume, either. Traced around your back and your butt, you only felt that sinking feeling grow. You looked wrong, and felt worse. There was no way people actually thought this was going to look good on you, did they? An annoyed sigh passed through your nose, doing one last turn around in the mirror confirmed your thoughts. These people had no idea what would look good on you. The cynical part of you was sure that this was the other shoe dropping. This was some grand joke that you were the punch line of. If you picked any of these costumes you’d be ridiculed for your body just like you’d been when you were a kid. That mere thought sparked tears in your eyes, but you pushed them down. There was one costume left. Though you didn’t have much hope for it. 

You were so in your negative thoughts at the moment as you stripped down from the second costume, you hadn’t heard the front door of your place open and close. Nor the sound of shoes being kicked off. 

The third costume was by far the most aesthetically pleasing to your tastes. Like Goldilocks and the three bears, it’d been the one you thought would be best. It was a one piece jumpsuit as the rest had been, cut deep in the front and back, low plunges that exposed everything to your naval in the front, and the small curve of your lower back. Though where freshly exposed skin would have been free, black mesh was laid overtop to give the graft appearance. There were winding slits down the long sleeves of the costume, making the mesh look like ropes winding down the length of strong arms and deliciously thick thighs. The mesh at the lower back connected to the beginnings of the mesh at the back of your thighs, lining up with the mesh that curved down from your naval and over your hips to meet up with the front mesh of your thighs. The mesh of the costume was one continuous running line, and you had to admit you liked how it shaped your body. It was tight as the other costumes, and certainly left nothing to the imagination of anyone who’d see you. If you picked this costume, everyone would know what it was you were working with. And that was what they wanted, right? The final costume was by far your favorite, opening and closing the fingerless gloves that had come with it. But were you okay with the world seeing the rest of your body? You didn’t think you were ugly by any means, and hadn’t felt ugly since you were a teenager. But...that didn’t mean the world wouldn’t take that chance to pick you apart if they thought you’d gotten too confident. 

You leaned up on your toes, angling to this way and that so you could get a full view of how you’d be seen from all angles. Your hand rolled over the little pooch of your belly, over the curve of your backside into that meshed lower back of the costume. The way your thighs blossomed against the costume, looking strong as hell. In the platformed boots you wore to do hero work, it’d look good. You thought. But was it too risky? Would you look like a joke? Your shoulders sagged in defeat, not sure you had the confidence to pull this off like the world seemed to think you did.

“Well, well...” came that deep drawl of the man you cared so deeply for. You jumped, completely unaware that for the last five minutes you’d been examining yourself in the mirror, that Shinsou had been eyeing you up from his position. Leaned against the frame of the door, hands tucked into his pockets with a shameless look on his face. “These those new hero costumes you were talking about?”

Once you were sure you wouldn’t about faint from the racing of your heart, you nodded. “Yeah, they weren’t that great,” you said and jutted your chin to the ones you’d hung back up on their hangers to be sent back. “Those were the first two options, and they looked...gross on me.” you said, voice dropping as the negative term against yourself left your throat. Shinsou angled a brow upwards question, violet eyes moving over to look at them. He doubted that they looked bad on you, almost disappointed he hadn’t gotten to see your skin slip under that tight material, the way it ran so flush over that body of yours he’d worshipped for so long. For all Shinsou cared, you could be running around in a trash bag and he’d find a way to think you were the most beautiful person in the world. But, one thought he shared in common with you on the first two hero costumes, was that they didn’t speak Nightmare. Your quirk was exceptional, like his in a way. It needed something as equally daring, as enticing as you were.

“I doubt that...” Shinsou strolled over to look at them, running the fabric of the raspberry suit between thumb and forefinger. “But they’re not you. They’re too tame for you.” the comment was innocent enough, but your mouth dried up at it. Sunken eyes moved over to look at you once more in that black suit number, one that he found himself to be a growing fan of. “What about that one?” His expression was hungry as he dragged his gaze up and down your body, over the curves showed off so freely.

Shinsou had never had an issue with your body. Rather, he preferred a partner that was on the thicker side to begin with. He liked being able to feel you in his hands without worry about hurting you too much. Your skin was a comfort to him, the way you were soft and plush drove him up a fucking wall. He might not have been the biggest fan of public affection, but when it was just the two of you he couldn’t keep his greedy hands off you. And how could he? Even in that moment, his fingers twitched with the carnal need to have your flesh under the pads of his fingers. 

“It’s definitely the best of the bunch.” You shrugged, hand running down the shape of your belly once more, your mind still stuck on whether or not it was going to get you ridiculed. “I just don’t...I think it’s too much. I don’t think...” you trailed off. “I don’t know if I look good in it.”

The sound of a snort from behind you had you meeting Shinsou’s gaze through the mirror. He wore an incredulous expression as if you’d just claimed that there was no such thing as gravity. He shook his head and approached you slowly. “You’re kidding, right?” Shinsou stood behind you, his chin resting on the top of your head. His body was pressed flush against yours, and you could feel the half-hard length of him pressed against your backside. “You don’t think you look amazing in this, (Y/N)?”

A blush hit your cheeks as his hands rested on your shoulders. “It’s not that, Shi. I just don’t...I guess...I don’t think people will want to see me like this. So...exposed.” Being sexy wasn’t the problem here. It was how others would see you and if they’d take the same thought away that the agency had, that Shinsou had, that some of the media had about you. You could take being ridiculed for your ability to act as an hero, if you messed up on the job or anything like that. Those criticisms pertained to your ability to help and change the world, and nothing to do with your physical appearance. Changing your hero costume would open up that path to criticisms about your appearance that had never been there before. 

“Ah...so that’s it.” Without having to say much, Shinsou understood where your mindset was. He sighed, feeling somewhat guilty. Had he not shown you how beautiful you were each time he settled his mouth or his cock between your thighs? Had he not told you how you were the only person who was ever going to have his eye whether you were dolled up in a face full of makeup or drooling while you slept? The last thing he wanted for you to feel about yourself was inadequate because of how much you weighed or what your body looked like. He knew it wasn’t for him to decide, that only you could determine your self-worth, but you were perfect for him. And if he was selfless enough to let the world see you how he saw you, he would in a heartbeat. But just because he wanted the world to see it, didn’t mean he was a fan of sharing. Timidly, you met his indigo gaze through the mirror’s reflection. “Here’s what I think, kitten.”

A chill ran down your spine as his fingers started to ghost over your shoulders. “I think...” He slowed his movements,  tracing the seam where mesh met spandex, Shinsou’s eyes narrowed as they followed where his fingers met. They ended at the inner point of the V that formed the front of a potentially new costume. Goosebumps erupted over your skin wherever his fingers trailed, and all you could do was watch in the mirror as his head came to rest on your shoulder, doing the same. “This looks downright sinful...” his fingers moved back up the V of the spandex material, only to pause as his fingers cupped the fullness of your breasts, thumbs whispering over piqued nipples. He hovered there for a moment, tracing circles around them as you shivered against the well defined muscle of his chest. “Not a thing left to the imagination...” Shinsou murmured, taking as his hands swept over the top of your chest to your shoulders, slowly down your arms. The winding tightness between your thighs had started, and he’d only been gentle with you so far. His thumbs moved along your inner forearm, traced circles along the sensitive part of your inner wrist before they flowed back up the length of your arms, returning to your breasts where he pulled and teased once more. “You’re telling me I might have to share this with the public...”

Shinsou’s eyes, a beautiful shade of setting sun, were narrowed as his hands traveled down the mesh material of your stomach once more. His fingers spread as he traced your belly, fingers bent just slightly so you felt the drag of his fingertips through the material of the suit. It was just a prototype, after all. The real work effectiveness of the suit would be put in place if you agreed to have it. At the sensation of his nails scratching along your stomach, your thighs turned inwards, backside pressing in against a growing erection. It only caused Shinsou to smile that smarmy smirk that had caught your attention all those years ago at UA. “You’re telling me everyone’s going to get to see this goddess body I get to claim night after night...” Shinsou continued, pulling the soft pudge of your skin in his hands as he raked them to the side to grip your hips. Those fucking hips. His fingers dug in sharper there, knowing your skin could handle it. So full, so fucking lush. “Hell, kitty, you might just raise the crime rate because everyone wants to see you in this costume...” He released his iron grip on your hips, hands sweeping towards your backside to grab at the bountiful ass you had. How it drove him up a fucking wall to see how it bounced against his hips when he took you from behind. “You have no idea...” Shinsou paused to pull up the legs of his pants before he squatted down to his knees, his hands still on your ass.

“How fucking good you look in this...” You were speechless as he continued to knead at your ass, giving that plump backside of yours a soft slap that sounded through the room. He worshipped your body day in and day out, and had simply no problem letting you know how much he loved every square inch of it. Shinsou let out a low hum. His hands continued their march, coming to cup the lower part of your ass in his hands. He was greedy when it came to this, the best fucking handful and then some any god could have given him. “Your ass looks so fucking good...” he whispered, side of his face nuzzled up against the curve of your thigh. One hand slipped from the grip it has on your backside, slipping between your thighs. An idle thumb swept through your lips, so thick and full that when he ate you out he simply rested his head there. A sharp gasp escaped you, rolling into the touch that ended before it’d even begin. This didn’t go unnoticed by Shinsou, that devilish smile there once more. “And these fucking thighs...” he whispered, his second hand repeated that sinful sweeping motion between your legs, his hands gripping your inner thighs, slowing pulling them apart. All the while, you watched through the mirror, his eyes zeroed in on the puffy mound of your pussy that seemed particularly swollen in that jumpsuit. “These fucking thighs that I love to have wrapped around my head...” Shinsou turned in so his nose was pressed against your left thigh, his teeth soon enough caught the material of the jumpsuit between them and pulled it back from your supple skin. A moment later, a sharp snap hit the air as it slapped back against your skin, causing you to squirm. “You’re telling me the world is gonna know how fucking delicious these thighs are...”

He wasn’t the jealous sort, Shinsou. He knew that you wouldn’t be with him if you didn’t want to be. That you came home to every night because you wanted to. In that sense he was secure in his relationship with you. But he wanted to make it astoundingly clear to you just how beautiful your body was, and how everyone else in the world who had their head screwed on tight enough was going to see it too. He was hungry to devour you in that suit right there, to fuck you and mark you so greedily so that the world would know his mark on you, but this wasn’t about him or his selfish wants. This was about making you feel like the strongest, sexiest, most powerful woman on the entire earth. And based off the heat he was feeling so close to his hands that gripped your thighs, his mission was working. He hummed, digging his fingers into your skin. “I could spend hours on your skin, kitten.” he murmured, his nose inching up the length of your thigh to where it curved, the crease of hip into thigh his goal. “Kissing it all over, tasting all of you...” you squirmed as Shinsou shifted on the ground slightly, so that he knelt in front of you. The sight of him looking up at you, sunken eyes dark with lust, made your waver on your knees. It was next to holy imagery, his legs spread wide, hands gripping your thighs for purchase as if he didn’t, he’d disappear entirely. “You gonna let me taste you, kitten?”

Shinsou didn’t wait for your answer, moving on his own agenda. He leaned forward into that sweet, tantalizing mound of yours. His nose burrowed in, hands moving up to grip your hips as he pulled you in against him. The flat of his tongue slipped over the clothed length of your cunt, warmth radiating against the sweetness of your pussy as he pulled your thighs apart for him. You moaned out his name, the action he took so simple but enough to threaten you over the cliff. Shinsou had only touched you, slow and measured at that, and this was the first he’d put a hand or tongue where you needed him most. The fabric that had been between your legs was in his mouth, Shinsou sucking on the fabric there to get as much of you in his mouth that had already escaped you while he’d been busy touching you. The fabric fell from his mouth when he was done, slapping against your heat and causing you to jolt forward. Your fingers found themselves wound through the thick tendrils of indigo hair, balancing as he smiled up at you with his head tipped to the side. The look was downright bastardly, and you tugged on his hair. “Don’t tease me,” you said, breathless.

“No teasing here, baby...” Shinsou breathed, pausing to blow hot air against your sex. “I want to make my girl feel good,” while he spoke, he stroked his middle and index finger up and down the slit of your cunt, pushing in slightly so the fabric dipped in your glaze. “I want to make you feel good about this fucking body I intend to destroy...” He sounded so bored as he played with your pussy that it only drove you crazier. You knew from the bulge in his pants that he was far from bored, but how nonchalant he could be while he was winding that coil of an orgasm tighter and tighter inside of you could have pushed you over the edge. “I want to take my time getting you there...”

You mewled, rocking against his fingers as they slipped back and forth, agonizingly slow in their rhythm. Shinsou had never been a fan of when you doubted yourself or your abilities, your worth and your beauty. This wasn’t exactly what he would have called a punishment, rather a reminder that there wasn’t a single part of you that he would want to change about you, and that you should have felt the same. He worshipped you, every second of every day. Frankly, in his eyes, there wasn’t enough hours in the day to give thanks to whatever deities were out there that created the fucking perfect version of yourself that was stood over him currently. “Sit on my face, kitten.” he drawled, eyes raking upwards over those delicious curves of your body, the thickness of your skin so plump, until he was looking into your eyes. “Let me taste you.”

With the way he’s looking at you, you know you don’t stand a chance of saying no. “Yes,” you rasped out, Shinsou’s hands soothing you as they smoothed up and down your thighs. You took a step back from him, Shinsou staying where he was, frozen as he watched you pull down the suit.

 It was like a work of art, his cock hardening as you pulled the front of it down, exposing your mounds of flesh, nipples piqued and flushed from when he’d been teasing them earlier. As the black material folded over your arms, exposing soft skin he ached to get his hands on. Down over your midsection, exposing the little roll over your belly that had his mouth watering. “You look so fucking beautiful,” his voice had hollowed out, thick with need to have your thighs practically suffocating him. He watched the blush deepen on your cheeks, only serving to make him grow harder. His eyes snapped back as the skintight material rolled over your hips and his cock twitched. The way your skin pushed out, full and so fucking desirable from the spandex material sent him over the edge. And then there it was. That glistening pussy with the softest patch of hair extending up towards your naval, a landing strip you’d called it once. Shinsou couldn’t help himself as he reached up to his mouth and ran his index finger over the swell of his bottom lip. He could see how wet you were already from the teasing he’d put you through, how your glaze seeped onto the thighs you’d pushed together. He was motionless as you slowly rolled the jumpsuit the rest of the way, over the curve of thighs into calves, finally at those fucking ankles he rather enjoyed having up by his face when he drove into you like a man starved for your fluids. 

“You look so fucking tasty, kitten.” he whispered, settled onto his back. Not once had his eyes left yours. “Let me have you, please.” The please and desperation in his voice caused you to squeeze your thighs together again, and he moaned. But you indulged him once he’d taken his shirt off, your eyes directly tracing the spattering of indigo chest hair that lead a thin trail to his naval, the patch at his waist thickening as it disappeared below his pants. Slowly, you lowered yourself until you were sat on his chest. The slickness that spread on his chest from your cunt caused Shinsou to moan as his hands wrapped around your thighs once more, spreading you so he was face to face with that precious cunt he called his. “Gonna make you feel real good, baby.” he said and pulled you forward so that your thighs were pressed in against either side of his head. When he spoke next, the breath he exhaled was right against your heat. “The world’s prettiest cunt, all mine...” Shinsou’s chuckle had you fisting your hands. “One thing I won’t share...”

And then he dived in, having dessert before he’d even had dinner. He’d been aching to get his mouth on your cunt since he’d seen that swollen mound of the hero suit you’d tried on. Now that he had it, he was going to ravage you until you were begging him to stop. His nose pressed in against your mouth, hands spreading your legs further as he lapped noisily against your wet pussy. You were so wet for him already, his tongue lapping up those juices only spurred you to drip more. He was always sloppy when he ate you out, simply because Shinsou wanted to have as much of you on him as possible. You tasted like honey, like a lazy Sunday morning, like the feeling of victory. He slurped and suckled, his teeth grazing over your clit as you found the rhythm of his tongue and started rocking against him. Soon enough the sounds that filled your bedroom were the wet, sloppy noises of Shinsou eating you out, and you whispering his name like a prayer as he suckled on your clit with feral need. His face was slick with your silk glaze, running down his chin and onto his neck, the floor underneath him. But frankly, he didn’t give a fuck. Your thighs had done what he’d hoped they would, squeezing and flexing against his head as he played with and teased your clit. Shinsou could hardly breathe, but if this was how he was supposed to go, he certainly didn’t mind. 

He’d started to flick and circle, traced his tongue around your bundle of nerves faster, and you started to ride his face harder. It was a chase to your orgasm, and just before you reached that finish line, he stopped. A desperate whine escaped you, writhing in an attempt to get back on his tongue and finish out your eye. Except, Shinsou was hiking one leg over his shoulder so that you were off his chest entirely. You whined once more, your core throbbing at how wet his face was. “You taste like fucking heaven...” he groaned as he wiped his fingers over his face, coating his hand in all your silk. Then, he undid the button of his pants, the zipper. And as you adjusted yourself with legs spread, you saw the brilliant pink tip of his cock, dripping pre-cum as he sprung free. You whimpered, desperate to be full once more and to reach your orgasm. Shinsou eyed you up, taking the wetness of your slick from his face in his hand and pumping himself as he came to rest between your thighs once more. 

“I want to cum,” you groaned as you reached out, fingers ghosting through the curls of the violet hair around the base of his cock. Shinsou pried your fingers away, returning it to where it’d been beside your head.

“I’m gonna let you, kitten.” he said, as he continued to coat himself in your silken drip. First, he wanted to take a mental picture of how fucking good you looked on the floor. Hair fanned out around your head, your cheeks flushed, eyes blown wide with lust. The rapid rise and fall of your chest, your divine breasts moving with each movement. On your back, you were subject to his mercy. The only plan Shinsou had was to make you cum, to make you realize how fucking incredible you were. “You feel good for me?” he asked as he pulled you close to him by the legs, leaning over so that he could hike them up over his shoulders. 

You nodded, any of the previous doubts about your body and how you looked quieted as you watched Shinsou turn his head to the side and nip at your ankle. “You’re so fucking perfect. These fucking legs drive me wild every time, kitten.” You felt Shinsou pressed up against the entrance of your cunt, feeling him leak onto your slip. “I don’t ever want you to feel bad about yourself when you look so good.” He was slow as he pushed into you, feeling the stretch around his cock as you moaned out his name. “Your body is fucking perfect,” he said through gritted teeth as he propped himself up on his forearms, leaned in over you so that violet hair hung over your face. Once he started thrusting, he was slow, hitting deep against your walls. 

“This tummy is so fucking beautiful,” he groaned as your walls clamped around him once he picked up pace. “Feels so fuckin-nngh,” he sputtered, your feet locked behind his neck. “So good to rest on.” His pace quickened again, purple shaded eyes dropping to your breasts as they bounced in time with his thrusts. “These fucking breasts,” he grunted. You whimpered as you felt that mounting wave of your high start to climb again. “So fucking hypnotizing to watch while I fuck you,” he hissed, your hands braced against his muscled biceps as his pace started to turn sloppy. Your nails dug in, and Shinsou tossed his head back as he hit the final turn.

When he looked back down at you, there was carnal need in his eyes. “These fucking lips,” he moaned, leaning down to capture your mouth in a sloppy, wet kiss that left behind traces of your cunt. “I can’t get enough, kitten...” His tongue ravaged the rows of your teeth, lapped against your tongue as he fought to taste every part of you could. You were at the climax of that wave mounted in your heat, and you moaned his name, the only indicator he needed of to hurry the fuck up. He started to fuck harder into you to the point where bruises were likely to blossom against where his skin slapped against yours. “That’s it, kitten, that’s it.” he cooed, listening to the mewls falling past your lips as you started to spill over, the wet sound of sex filling the room louder than it had been. 

Shinsou leaned back just slightly and returned his hand to your clit, the final push you needed as he paid it loving attention. You came undone around his cock and thumb, the shuddering orgasm ripping through you as you cried out his name. Your legs spasmed, squeezing against once more as he followed after you moments later, spilling hot ribbons of cum inside you. He continued to thrust after he’d come, emptying whatever remains he had until he was empty and spent. Breathless, Shinsou flopped against your chest. His head rested against your breast, moving in time with your rapid breaths that mirrored his own. His thumbs traced loving circles over your hips, his cock soft inside you but Shinsou not wanting to leave you aching and empty of him just yet. “That’s my good girl,” he rasped, swallowing heavily. 

Your hands raked through the thick wave of indigo hair, gentle as you combed through it. Words and thoughts were out of your functionality for a passage of time, but when you finally remembered how to do both, you asked a simple question. One that you really already knew the answer to, no longer abashed about how it hugged the curves of your body, just another indicator that you were human. After how much attention Shinsou had dedicated to your body, you almost felt silly for having felt insecure to begin with. “The black suit?”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to the breast opposite the one he was slumped on.  Shinsou turned his head slightly so that he could look at you, admire all that you were. And what you were to him was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life making feel that good about herself, about her place in the world. However he had to do that, he would. It was only right because you had supported him through so much and had never asked for anything in return. You were the only person who had ever looked at him like he was normal, like he wasn’t some type of freak. And he’d done the same for you when you’d both attended UA. As far as he was concerned, the only forever he needed was right there, pressed up against his naked body. Shinsou’s grin was lopsided and he nodded. “The black one.” 

#my hero academia #boku no hero #boku no hero x reader #boku no hero headcanon #boku no hero x y/n #boku no hero x you #my hero headcanons #my hero academia x you #my hero academia x y/n #hitoshi shinso x reader #bnha shinsou #shinsou imagine #mha shinsou #shinsou x y/n #shinsou hitoshi #shinsou mha #shinshou x you #shinsho x reader #shinsou hitoshi smut #mha smut #bnha smut #mha x plus size reader #bnha x plus size reader #plus size reader #shinso x plus size reader #shinsou imagines #shinsou headcanons #hitoshi shinsō #shinsō hitoshi #don't y'all dare sleep on shinsou

[astrognossienne]

birthdays: 4 - the unabashed social climber

My dabbling in birthday numerology has resulted in a ridiculously viral and classic post on my tumblr that goes through all the birthdays. The total sum of all birthdays essentially adds up to a range of numbers 1-9. In that post, I provided snapshots of the personalities of these birthdays. Now, here, on my website, I shall expound further as to why I came to these conclusions. To continue this series, we'll get into my other least favourite birthday number: 4.

4, 13, 22, 31: humanitarians, romantic, penetrating, provocative, faithful, pragmatic, reserved, immature, nakedly ambitious, tries too hard to be omnipotent, controversy always seems to surround them, savage for no reason, prides themselves on being infallible but are utterly fallible, know-it-alls, critical, anxious, smart-mouthed yet very sensitive (almost too much so), proud, tries hard to be individualistic but in reality is just like everyone else, very shady, can be and is often very disrespectful, patronizing and egotistical, needs their ass kissed, due to their vast insecurity and inherent inadequacy they have a need to conquer others and if they can’t do so then they will try very hard to destroy them, wayyy too sensitive and resorts to being caustic and abusive when they’re hurt (which is all the time), tries too hard to act/look/talk hard, can be tough but sweet, can be quite judgmental, always working, likes to one-up people, needs control and is often very self-controlled, often fake, passive-aggressive, very opportunistic and savvy, great at making friends, very contradictory and hypocritical, often very talented and hardworking, competitive, inspires others, wants to be known as kind and great in everyone’s eyes, almost always supremely unlikable individuals, often downright repulsive, has low self-esteem and projects it on others, often has hidden motives, adroit in using people’s emotions for their own ends

I think I pretty much summed them up there. Those who have these birthdays (especially those born on the 4th and 22nd) are the ones who I'm the most indifferent towards and amused by, but in the interest of fairness, let's dive into the psyche of these people, because if nothing else, they're moderately interesting psychological case studies.

When I think of 4's, I think of the character Eve Harrington in the classic film All About Eve. They're hurt, bitter, broken, miserable insecure bitches and often have low self-esteem and inadequacies within themselves, but they cover it up with false "self-love" and "assertiveness" which is actually condescension, aggressiveness, cockiness, and arrogance. This is evidenced in their unabashed social climbing they do. All social climbing have one thing in common: they seek to increase the social climber status by attacking and taking status away from others. They revel in this, since in their mind it secures their power over others, which is very important to them. They're often sad cases with attitude problems. They can’t, or don’t know how to reconcile their pain in a healthy way, so they direct it back out in mean, cruel, and insensitive ways - hurting others just because they were hurt. This process works only briefly, and usually generates extreme guilt in the person, making them stop for awhile. But, the pain of their past hasn’t been healed, so once again they try to bleed off the pain by hurting someone by being mean or rude. It’s like draining the pressure in a boiler. They know they’re inferior and broken, so they take it out full force on the people they envy and those whose true authentic power that they want. They often say what they don't mean. They're also forces of nature, and they somehow always seem to draw deep emotions out of people, and a lot for people seem to be deeply drawn to them. Fours, in turn, are often drawn by those who know how to control their emotions and make them work for them as well as those who have a deeper well of emotion than they and aren't scared of displaying it.

They have the amusing paradox of being mean AND hypersensitive at the same time, but the key is if one feels that these people are actually worth the time you have to take to get to know them, ignore their natural walls, abnormal need for control, rudeness and meanness, and love them anyway. If one can get through to that hurting part and heal and love it, these individuals can be loyal and even amazing friends for life. (incidentally, it's for this reason that I always seem to see these individuals deeply connected to 2's, 5's and 9's because I think 4's sense in them a kindred spirit, or someone they can use this strange type of "love" on and still feel accepted. But I'll cover those numbers at a later date). It might seem crazy, but a common way these people try and pull their partner/friends close is by expressing anger (of which there is a lot of) and unneeded childish aggression, often ruthlessly attacking perceived weaknesses.  It usually works in the opposite way (unfortunately), but often underneath the anger is a strong plea for connection and love. The anger is a mask of protest about not getting that love. They like to create conflict and are very restless. They’re whiny and their edginess is based on their M.O. that "people want to hurt me; I must hurt them first to be safe". They’re often very petty and very small and are too selfish to show any real compassion for those going through a tough time or a tragedy, often pouring salt on the wound (although strangely enough, they're often touted as paragons of compassion and virtue).

They're not satisfied with the ordinary, and more often than not they do tend to lead extraordinary lives. They have an accessibility and a mystery at the same time. They can be calm and insanely disciplined. But they are also very fiery and passionate, and often make rash and headstrong decisions and can be very immature and insecure about themselves because of the need for balance that the number 4 suggests. They can also (only when seriously evolved) be inspirational, using their talents to move masses of people in a way very few can, such as Barack Obama (August 4), and obnoxious personalities like Beyoncé (September 4), her husband Jay-Z (December 4), and their friend Justin Timberlake (January 31 [another classic case of the low-level 4]). They are victims masquerading as warriors and use their victimhood as a weapon and other opportunistic tactics to cement their power. However, there is a lot of fixed-sign-esque (especially that of a Leonine/Scorpionic nature) ego associated with the number 4, and this requires everyone to bow down and kiss their ass. If the 4 doesn't get this type of treatment, then they'll destroy everything and everyone in their wake to assuage their hurt feelings and damaged ego, such as it is in the case of Meghan Markle (also born on August 4) and what she and her husband Harry are currently doing to the Royal Family.

Meghan tried to gain unconditional and total acceptance from them/England/the world. Since she didn't get it, she and Harry took their ball and went home" by backing out of the Royal Family and the duties associated with it and moving with their children to America, effectively cutting themselves off from Harry's grandmother, brother, and ailing grandfather. Which brings me to another point about 4's: they like to do things on their own terms, often alienating others along the way to satisfy themselves. Now that Meghan has had time to think about the "abuse" that she feels that she has received, she's going to get her ultimate revenge by trying to destroy the Royal Family with allegations of racism and mental/emotional abuse. Note: it wasn't a problem when they were courting, and it wasn't a problem when they got married, but since she didn't get the "kid glove" treatment she wanted, now they're a "racist family". I often wonder, if the firm/tabloids/press went after Princess Diana so brutally, as blonde-haired, blue-eyed and pretty as she was, what did Markle honestly expect? This speaks to the 4s often shocking naivety. Also, Markle kept referring to Kate Middleton in her interview, so that means that she's fixated on Kate as a point of envy. This is how hate and negative emotions will cause things to change and often unnecessarily so.

On the positive side (only when evolved), 4's can be active, hard-working, systematic, diligent, careful, objective, firm, introverted, serious, patient, reserved, thoughtful, sensible, analytic, calm, orderly and loyal. For those born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st, this describes them in a nutshell.

#a freebie from my website #enjoy! #4 #four #numerology #birthdays #mine

[thebluelemontree]

I’m sorry, @anabel7631​ but there are some very incorrect assumptions here. Lady did not die because Sansa lied.

"Joff told us what happened," the queen said. "You and the butcher boy beat him with clubs while you set your wolf on him."

"That's not how it was," Arya said, close to tears again. Ned put a hand on her shoulder. "Yes it is!" Prince Joffrey insisted. "They all attacked me, and she threw Lion's Tooth in the river!" Ned noticed that he did not so much as glance at Arya as he spoke.

...

"They were not the only ones present," Ned said. "Sansa, come here." Ned had heard her version of the story the night Arya had vanished. He knew the truth. "Tell us what happened." -- Eddard III, AGOT.

Sansa had already told the truth of what happened to her father the day Arya went missing. That’s how Ned knew immediately that Joffrey was lying and confirmed it with Joffrey’s tells. Let’s be real. Ned is the only adult in that room that even remotely cares what the truth is. Robert will admit on his deathbed that he knew all along Joffrey was lying too, yet he did nothing. 

Sansa doesn’t lie about placing the blame on her sister or Mycah or Nymeria at this moment. The most dishonesty she exhibits is saying she didn’t remember or see what happened:

 His eldest daughter stepped forward hesitantly. She was dressed in blue velvets trimmed with white, a silver chain around her neck. Her thick auburn hair had been brushed until it shone. She blinked at her sister, then at the young prince. "I don't know," she said tearfully, looking as though she wanted to bolt. "I don't remember. Everything happened so fast, I didn't see …"

"You rotten!" Arya shrieked. She flew at her sister like an arrow, knocking Sansa down to the ground, pummeling her. "Liar, liar, liar, liar."

The reason Arya is calling Sansa a liar is because she could not have known Sansa had already told Ned the truth. This is the first time all three of them are together since Arya had run off. When she was found by Jory, they were ordered to go directly to the king and queen. Sansa is guilty of failing to support her sister when she is being interrogated; however, this is still a patriarchal society, and she is being asked to speak against her future husband who is also the crown prince. Sansa tries to mitigate the pressure from both sides by attempting to take a neutral position. Ned never blames her at all for this. Again, Ned already knew what the truth was and he can see that clearly Robert and Cersei don’t really care what Sansa has to say anyway.

Cersei was already gunning for a wolf skin no matter what. She knew Lady had nothing to do with any of this by all accounts, but one wolf was as good as any other. You think Cersei’s history with Lyanna Stark both “stealing” Rhaegar from her as well as Robert obsessing over her since day one of their marriage, PLUS the prophecy of someone younger and more beautiful coming to take all she holds dear doesn’t have something to do with Cersei wanting to punish a Stark girl? Any Stark girl? Take that wolf skin trophy and strip her rival Sansa of her power and protection? This has less to do with Joffrey and more to do with Cersei’s insecurities and need for petty vengeance against a Stark scapegoat. 

It’s not only Cersei making her crazy demand to kill Lady. Robert’s response is to just walk away from innocent parties being killed (passively giving his consent) because he doesn’t want to be harangued by his wife. This business is all a big buzzkill and he just wants to get back to having fun. We already established that Robert knew full well that Joffrey was lying. Ned begs him to spare Lady, but Robert just fucks off. So Cersei’s authority as queen stands, which even as Hand, Ned can’t defy it once Robert co-signed. The only thing he can do is put Lady down himself so Cersei can’t have her trophy.  

That, obviously, still has a negative impact on Ned and Sansa’s relationship as a breach of trust since Ned volunteered and avoided talking to Sansa about it afterward. This was a decision Ned came to regret later when he wondered if he had made a big mistake in killing Sansa’s dire wolf. 

Sansa doesn’t have to regret anything about Lady’s death because she was in no way responsible for that happening. Does she still owe Arya an apology for some of the mean things she did say and the times she didn’t stick up for Arya when she should have?  Absolutely. Is the onus still on Sansa to make the first moves in repairing their sisterly relationship? Absolutely. Arya doesn’t hate Sansa at all. She was justifiably angry and hurt, but she doesn’t hate her. They will definitely resolve those past issues and reconcile. 

Even though Sansa tried to take the neutral position, that doesn’t stop Joffrey from refusing to see or speak to her for a long time. She had nothing to do with Joffrey’s injuries but he shows contempt for her all the same. While Sansa is “in love” with the person she thinks Joffrey is or wants him to be, we have to remember this is still a patriarchy. Sansa has been raised to be deferential to her husband. Joffrey’s cold displeasure leads Sansa to alter her view of what happened after the fact and misplace the blame on Arya for a good while. Joffrey is still her betrothed, so she has to rewrite the narrative because the idea of spending the rest of her life married to a liar and a cruel bully is psychologically intolerable. I’m not saying this part is a good thing at all. Sansa is in the wrong for blaming Arya and Ned to the point of fully excusing Joffrey and Cersei. She is burying her head in the sand and refusing to deal with the truth, which she has known all along because she told her father.  

Sansa will voice that truth when she is warning Margaery and Olenna of what kind of person Joffrey is.  

A shiver went through her. "A monster," she whispered, so tremulously she could scarcely hear her own voice. "Joffrey is a monster. He lied about the butcher's boy and made Father kill my wolf. When I displease him, he has the Kingsguard beat me. He's evil and cruel, my lady, it's so. And the queen as well."

It’s not regret over what other people did that Sansa needs to express. Its dealing with the fact that the reflags were there early on but she couldn’t accept them. Arya had been right to dislike Joffrey and the queen, but Sansa didn’t listen. She thought Arya was crazy and just wanted to ruin things out of spite. In this reversal of positions, Sansa is trying to warn another girl, someone she will view as a sister, about her abusive ex. 

Sister. Sansa had once dreamt of having a sister like Margaery; beautiful and gentle, with all the world's graces at her command. Arya had been entirely unsatisfactory as sisters went. How can I let my sister marry Joffrey? she thought, and suddenly her eyes were full of tears. "Margaery, please," she said, "you mustn't." It was hard to get the words out. "You mustn't marry him. He's not like he seems, he's not. He'll hurt you."

Yes, there is a dig at Arya. Change doesn’t always happen in a smooth progression. Sometimes there are flaws, missteps, and micro-regressions; however, she also thinks “how can I let my sister marry Joffrey?”  

Once Sansa eventually experiences rejection by Margaery and the Tyrells, she will come to understand a bit more of how Arya must have felt when the support of her sister was withdrawn. It’s not conscious thought process, but she is having experiences that should make her more appreciative, mature, and understanding of Arya. ASOS is where Sansa’s thinking on Arya really starts to take a shift toward the positive.  

If Lady was here, I would not be afraid. Lady was dead, though; Robb, Bran, Rickon, Arya, her father, her mother, even Septa Mordane. All of them are dead but me. She was alone in the world now.

We have to keep in mind, until Winterfell is sacked and Bran and Rickon are reported murdered, Sansa believed Arya was at home safe. Now everyone is dead. 

King Joffrey looked as if he wanted to kill someone right then and there, he was so excited. He slashed at the air and laughed. "A great sword must have a great name, my lords! What shall I call it?"

Sansa remembered Lion's Tooth, the sword Arya had flung into the Trident, and Hearteater, the one he'd made her kiss before the battle. She wondered if he'd want Margaery to kiss this one.

Her remembering of the Trident has gone from Arya being the aggressor to Arya being the hero that disarms the aggressor. That’s a total 180 in Sansa’s view of Arya’s actions, where Sansa is now justifying them as an appropriate response.

Then if you just do a search on Sansa’s mentions of Arya in ASOS, AFFC, and TWOW it’s all positive stuff. It’s all good memories, but Sansa thinks Arya is dead and they’ll never see each other again. When the sisters reunite, Sansa will be overwhelmed with gratitude that someone else in her family survived. She’s thinking of Arya quite frequently and the relationship they used to have, so Sansa will be more than willing to do the work of getting back to that relationship. She is primed to have that heartfelt, apologetic conversation to lay the rocky past to rest. The first step in being able to analyzing her own faults is accepting the whole truth and understanding Arya’s point of view and how she must have felt. That’s all there. She’s shown she has done that. ^^^ All that’s needed is for them to meet face to face and be able to hash it out. 

So no, I can’t agree with your assessment of Sansa’s characterization when what you’re basing that off of is fundamentally wrong.  

#sansa stark #sansa stark meta #arya stark #the stark sisters #lady #ned stark #joffrey baratheon #fandom wank #this old chestnut #we can never get away from the Trident can we? #It's been 84 years...

[spaceorphan18]

hello, i'm the anon that asked about klaine disliking each other. i do not think they're toxic, i actually love klaine the most. what i meant is that kurt said in the second breakup that they should break up before they "completely hated each other" which implies that kurt was starting to dislike blaine. that's the reason why he wanted to break up, so it wouldn't get worse.

Ahhh, thank you for clarifying, Nonny, I appreciate that! Sorry for being cranky in the other ask, though in general, I still stand by what I said <3  I’m glad you came back to chat further.  

I’m going to tie this in with another Nonny ask: 

Nonny #2

Do you think Kurt was planning to break up with Blaine in season 6 episode 1? Or was it just a spur-of-the-moment thing prompted by Blaine asking if he even wanted to marry him?

Let’s talk about the season 6 break up.  The short answer is no, Kurt was not planning on break up with Blaine.  Being pressed into his feelings by the argument they were having, Kurt sort of blurts out that he doesn’t want to get married - because it’s the first time he’s had the chance to explore those discomforting feelings he had all the way back when he was being driven to his proposal.  

His breaking up with Blaine completely was his knee-jerk reaction in wanting to preserve this idyllic, fairy tale image of the relationship they had.  Remember what Burt said -- about how it’s important to want to marry a person and not an idea? Well, if Blaine was holding on to the idea of what this marriage would be, Kurt was too concerned that he’d be boxed in by what the idea of his marriage would be, and neither (understandably - they were/are young) were really thinking about the other one, or even themselves in the equation. 

To back up a bit -- the second break up comes about due to issues from the first one.  Blaine ultimately ‘broke’ the relationship the first time around -- they had issues, yes, but he’s the one who didn’t have enough faith that the relationship would work, and it ended up breaking them.  (Note - Kurt had too much faith their relationship would be fine, which also created issues.)  

By the time they get back together - Kurt has gotten over the hurt of what had happened, but he hadn’t fully healed.  He wasn’t ready to jump into a commitment as heavy as marriage.  His heart was still bruised.  And unlike Blaine, who understood that Kurt was his person after he had broken the relationship, Kurt hadn’t gone through that yet.   

Kurt is all in when they decide to get back together.  But the marriage proposal leaves him iffy.  His heart’s been bruised, what if something happens? What if his heart breaks again? What if they don’t actually make it?  What if they are too young?? All the doubt kind of eats at him. 

Kurt and Blaine’s roles have flipped - now Kurt has too little faith in the relationship, and Blaine has too much.  

(Side note -- this does not mean Kurt didn’t love or want his proposal -- he fucking loved his proposal, and will tell people in his nursing home about it when he’s 90.  Just to be clear - the magical proposal was not the issue.) 

 Now we get to the part where adult relationships are hard and complex feelings are complex.  Blaine, thinking his insecurities would magically go away if he got married and his relationship solidified, began to push on the whole wedding thing.  Kurt felt like he was losing control - of his relationship and his identity, so he pushed back, which only fed into Blaine’s insecurities, which fed into some of Kurt’s and so on and so on, the NYArc was complicated. 

The major point, though, was that instead of dealing with their shit (remember - Kurt has intimacy issues, and part of that is communicating how you’re feeling), Kurt keeps it bottled up.  He loves Blaine, that does not change, but he doesn’t like that he is feeling resentful that they’re going at Blaine’s pace, that he can’t be the person he thinks he needs to be.  But instead of talking to Blaine about it, they argue about stupid shit like toothpaste on the towel and how long you should charge your phone.  

In a more mature relationship, they would have had a long conversation before Blaine moved to New York - about where they would live, and how much space and validation each of them need.  Well, they’re young and dumb and found out the hard way that those are things you need to do.  

When they get into that last argument - Kurt’s finally able to say what he had been feeling -- that marriage was too fast.  He was scared to say that, scared of hurting Blaine, and hurting himself, but he needed to figure out why he was feeling that way -- but instead of working it out with Blaine, it spiraled out into a full on break up, which really wasn’t the worst thing for either of them. 

Blaine got the knowledge that he will survive and has self worth outside of his relationship (totally good thing).  While Kurt, like Blaine learned earlier, once you’ve broken the thing - you understand how much it was worth.  Kurt also is able to get more in touch with his feelings -- and understand that love is hard work, and just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to like them all the time -- and that you need to tell your partner when you’re unhappy.  Blaine had been trying to communicate that with Kurt -- but until his therapist pointed it out, Kurt didn’t seem to really hear it -- and that’s on Kurt.  

While I think Glee could have used a little more explicitness in Season 6 - I do think that they both matured quite a bit (still say five years should have passed), and by the time they get back together, they’re better at a functional relationship because they’ve had the experience of unhealthy relationships and now have the tools to attack those issues head on instead of letting them linger.  

I will add -- the minute Kurt spoke his mind during the second break up, he felt better.  Once you say something, all that negativity that’s building up can melt away.  Now, it took a few months for Kurt to really understand how petty some of his issues were, and how easily fixed they were, but that’s something everyone needs to understand on their own.  

So yeah... was I bothered by any of this? No - I love complex stories with emotional issues that aren’t surface level.  Klaine is a very deep and complicated story by the end of it -- and while the season 2 fairy tale is romantic and sweet, I love that they got to go through some adult-related content concerning their relationship.  It makes it more delicious.  

Hopefully this helps in understanding? If not, let me know - and I’ll try to answer better. <3 

#<3 #Anonymous

[chainofclovers]

You are one of my favourite fic writers and a fountain of wisdom in general so I turn to you in my hour of indignation: what, in your opinion, is the proper commenting etiquette? Another favourite fic writer posted a lovely story today only to be heavily criticised by a reader. This reader may have a had a point but the way they worded it was hugely patronising in my opinion. The writer, who is one of the kindest people ever, responded very gracefully but I'm angry, dammit! So what is your view?

Oh my GOSH...first of all, this ask is so ridiculously nice. Anon, I’m so happy you like my stories and everything about this ask is just the kindest compliment. 

(The petty person in me deeply wants to know what story this was. If you’re willing to come off anon and drop it in my DMs or send another anonymous DM with the link...I’m curious! 😂)

So. Commenting etiquette. I share these thoughts with full awareness that this may not be “what’s done” in fandom but are nonetheless my thoughts as a  reader and writer who’s part of fandom but also does other types of writing and has been in writing workshops and stuff like that. 

Almost any comment is better than no comment. It’s difficult to overstate how much comments matter. Receiving a fic comment is like being the perfect level of tipsy in a beautiful spring meadow right next to a vibrant city frolicking with friends and loved ones. I have been very blessed to get generous, wonderful comments on my stories and to have a lot of “success” in my fandoms (tiny niche groups of people who want to read about old ladies who sell vibrators and bicker a lot) and I still feel insecure about my writing and still want more comments. It’s just the way it is. I bet Stephen King wants more comments.

The worst comments are the “MORE CONTENT NOW” and “I NEED MORE” and “IS THAT IT” people because...like...I just posted something that I spent a long time on and the only thing that person has to say is an immediate need for more? Without even mentioning anything about what I already shared?

The second worst comments are ones like the comment you describe--the unsolicited patronizing asshole comments.

In some fandom spaces, I think there’s a sort of unspoken rule about constructive criticism, and that rule is “don’t share it, even if it’s constructive, if the author didn’t say it’s okay.” For me personally, I’m very comfortable receiving constructive criticism. If someone has a legit question about why I did something a certain way, or wants to point out an error? That’s totally fine with me. It’s usually well-meaning and helpful, and I’d rather hear that feedback than not. Not everyone feels comfortable receiving that kind of feedback, though, and that’s fine...but I do think that if you put your work out into the world you’re opening yourself up to the responses of the world. I think fandom would be a healthier place if there was a more open exchange of constructive criticism. In workshops, you’re often encouraged to sandwich criticism with the positive. Maybe the problem in fandom is that comments are more or less anonymous (at the very least pseudonymous) so they can be a bit more polar...the reader either loved loved loved everything or they hated it, with very little room for grey.

As a reader, I try to leave positive comments. If I don’t like something, I just don’t comment. If I know the person on some level and see an error in an otherwise great story or have a big WHY question, I will often share that feedback--privately if possible, or publicly only if I’m sure that author is okay with it.

As far as what you can do in this particular case, I think it would be wonderful if you left a supportive comment if you haven’t already, or even DM that author to say that you thought the negative comment was very patronizing and that they deserved a more constructively-worded comment. 

Exception to everything I just said: if the story is racist garbage, go right ahead and comment that it’s racist garbage. 

Now that I’ve rambled on for a bit, I hope this was in the ballpark of what you were looking for? Thanks again, Anon! 💖

#Anon #asks #fandom things #comment culture #comments #fic comments #writer things #about me #Anonymous

[ilikelookingatthings]

Miraculous ladybug and the love square part 1

there are alot of thoughts about the love square.

I’ve got some mixed feelings about Marinette and everyone in the show pushing for it. especially in the movie.

On one hand I love mari to bits. she’s stubborn, has a temper and can be a little petty and can have ulterior motives that aren’t always the most pure(usually involving adrien). can sometimes be a bit insensitive and not completely think through how others might feel in response to her actions, but thats usually when she is understandable distracted thinking about justice or her own emotions or over whelmed or distracted by something. and when she does realize maybe somethings gone wrong she always tries to fix it.

her feelings for adrien comes from the right place. being impressed that he was wiling to be vulnerable to someone who shouted and accused him and refused to listen to him even though he was actually trying to help. that he was willing to talk to mari and be vulnerable and admit he was new to everything. and then offer a umbrella to mari, who had judged him because of his friend, and risked getting wet himself. and he understood that her judging him due to chloe was justified with her history with chloe.

she wants him to be happy. she is very emotionally invested and observant and cares about his feelings. even helping him with another girl despite her own crush. she went up against his dad and convinced Gabe to let Adrien come. and even if most of her gifts she doesn't actually give to him she does make him gifts and macaroons. and she’s gotten better at not acting on her jealous and trying to separate Adrien from other girls now.

and mari always helps her friends and gos above and beyond. and mari is super talented in gaming, designing, dancing, baking, fencing reflexes, being a leader ect.

but on the other side while she means well and feels deeply...she doesn't exactly handle her crush on Adrien in a healthy way. Like alot of teenagers she laments the friendzone not realizing that friendship is the base of heathy relationships. she struggles to have normal conversations with adrien or staying near him for long periods of time enjoying his company without something else to focus on. We know she means well but some of the stuff she does can be a bit creepy. 

like when she broke into his room to deliver a gift and sniffed his pillow. or wanting to keep a hair. the schedule that she memorized is a bit weird but useful since he does have a full time table they need to know when they can hang out. and she is class rep. its not completely unreasonable that she could have it. but her forging a no parking sign with the plan to separate adrien from his driver. knowing adrien keeps his phone in the car so he couldn’t call to check on the gorilla and wanting to concidentally go on a date without asking him out. or that she has followed him on multiple occasion. that time she ditche the girls to try to sneak into the boys only party(which was rude of them to hold without the girls when they were suppoused to work...but the girls have their girls only meetings as well). breakig into his locker to steal his phone to delete the message instead of just asking adrien to not listen to the message and to delete it. she as ladybug has seperated adrien from girls before. like kagami and chloe and even lila(though lila we found out was a double red flag so kudos trying to drive lila away). 

she almost doomed paris and herself by trying to give up her miraculous for a illusion of adrien instead of looking for a different way to save him. she attacked a innocentsanta that adrien told her wasn’t a akuma which caused a akuma when she got ahead of herself. and she lets adrien influence her too much. Sometimes that can be good. Mari can be a quick to judge bean sometimes and adrien and chat has helped her realize there can be other routes and that people even like chloe aren’t pure evil. 

but he can have too much influence on her. he thinks Mari is honest with him and would tell him if she disagreed with him because she doesn’t hesitate in any other aspect whensaying her opinion. but WE know she wants him to like her. so she fully commited to being class president after adrien said he though she’d make a good one to put the finish touchon alya encouraging class pres marinette. Mari joined the gaming tournament not because she wanted to join the tournament but because she wanted to trian with adrien in the same room to the point mari over looked alya pointing out that max was actually invested in the tournament and had rained for months so of course he’s be hurt and would be more invested. Mari changed her stance on chloe even when she probably coul have gotten adrien to understand her and the clases perspective since chloe sucked around them. but instead mari leaned into adrien was right.

She joined the fencing because of adrien as well. went to chlloe’s I’m trying to be nice party even though she had been determinded not to go because adrien would be there. and even though adrien toldmari to talk to him if lila was still a issue, mari instead focused on adrien telling mari they should try to give lila a chance and never told him about lila threatened her or about lila stealings his book. stuff to show lila wasnt just someone looking for attention.

Mari focused on following adrien’s advice instead of telling him more of her view about lila. or consdering adrin’s asvice was more about mari’s jump on every lie tactic was making lila stronger.

 and mari didn’t like kagami for a while due to adrien and kagami hanging out together often. and mari even used adrien being stolen by kagami to japan as a excuse to tam up with chloe to mess with kagami. 

and mari has even put down others like the class to raise adrien up like when she said out of the class adrien is the least likly to steal a braclet...accidentally implying everyone else was more likly than adrien. how how sometimes she puts chat down a little to bring adrin up at times in the show.

and mari even helped adrien with kagami even though she did not want to because adrien asked. adrien would hate to make her do something she is uncomfortable with but mari went along with it. and while it was cute with the scarf situation to want adrien to be happy even if you don’t take credit. mari puts herself down when she compares herself to adrien.

Adrien praises her all the time and boosts her up and helps when he can and has expressed how important mari is to him(even if its not romantically like she wants). but mari who is normally pretty confident in herself in the show in her designs and plans and talents that she can standup to people tends to put herself down when it comes to adrien. and tends to put her feelings beneath what she things adrien wants even though we know adrien would want her to be happy to and wouldn’t want to unknowingly hurt her. like in the wax museum situation.

like mari pushed kagami and adrien together with the icecream even though it was clearly not nessacary. Kagami told her she didn’t believe in the romance fate of the icecream for one and both Adrien and kagami just waned to hang out all three of them for a little longer. its why they wanted mari to choose the icecream flavors as thanks. MARI decided to make it a romance moment instead of a friendship moment. and decided to put adrien and kagami together out of her own insecurity that if mari compete’d honestly with kagami and was honest about her feelings...that mari would be rejected.

even though Kagami told Mari that while Kagami didn’t want to give up on Adrien just because Mari liked him, that Kagami also didn’t expect Mari to give up because Kagami liked him. Kagami saw both of their feelings valuable and valid and that its better to be honest and try with no regrets ad still be friends. Kagami eve encouraged Mari to not hesitate and we know Adrien does have a strong soft spot for Mari.

and mari has used adrie to worry about designs that won a contest and that she had been confident in. or that Adrien might hate her over something silly.

Mari does alot for adrien like helped him with parazzi in her pajamas and helped him with a date as well as convincing his dad to let hi come to newyork. and we know about the scarf, the hat on christmas, all those birthday gifts she hasn’t given him and fresh macaroons she hasn’t given him. And we know adrien does have a sweet spot for her so I want them to just be together already. but Mari doesn’t really acknowledge Adrien isn’t perfect. she’s gotten to know him better and they are good friends now. but we also know Adrien considered them good friends even in season one when she could barely talk to him. But she doesn’t really get to see Adrien negative sides. like him being angry, or lashing out or how he can be petty at times or his reckless sides. She even tried to get him to be Aspik and more importantly play guitar when it was clear adrien was a piano guy and luka was the better choice. adrien had to tell her that.

I want mari to be happy but girl can’t really relax around adrien all that much which can be frustrating at times. Mari deserves good things.

#miraculous ladybug #chat noir #marinette #ladybug #adrien #luka #kagami #lovesquare

[marysfoxmask]

Have you done The Misselthwaite Archives webseries? It's obviously one of the looser adaptations, but I thought it was really well done. Love to hear your thoughts on it!

my first ask!!! i’m so excited!! thank you, anon! i love asks, btw, and would love for people to continue to send them!

i actually watched the misselthwaite archives as it was coming out! every wednesday, i watched the newest episode after coming home from school. it was the highlight of my week!

i actually rewatched a good chunk of episodes the other night. it dredges up a lot of nostalgia for me in a bittersweet way. i appreciate the series a lot, and i think everyone involved did a great job, but it’s the way the creators approach adapting the source material that i find to be a little off the mark.

this is mainly because i think something is inevitably lost when bringing the secret garden into modern day (which was, back then, good old 2015). i think, if i were trying to adapt the book into a modern setting, i’d minimize the modern day trappings as much as possible; references to modern pop culture like parks and recreation and beyoncé, like misselarch employs, are fleetingly fun, but i think they date the material too much. they also feel too kitschy and cute, in my opinion. that’s my opinion of a lot of the misselthwaite archives’ adaptation choices—they’re cute, but don’t feel like they do justice to the material. 

i feel making mary a snarky, bitter teenager seems like a good idea at first, but i think it’s ultimately a misrepresentation. in the original novel, she’s prickly and prone to insulting others, sure, but she’s also sullen, withdrawn, and socially awkward—her inability to connect with others is derived from the lack of positive social interaction she had since she was born. she’s emotionally stunted, which mary in the misselthwaite archives doesn’t communicate at all in her video diaries to dr. burnett (which is a very nice homage, i will admit). 

on the contrary, teen!mary is charismatic, with a biting wit; she’s had friends in the past, but they only cared for her parents’ money. ironically, her friendship with declan seems almost to benefit him more in terms of social development than it does her. her petty cruelty seems more the product of watching mean girls one too many times than any deep-rooted emotional trauma. though there are gestures made to indicate that she feels badly about her celebrity parents’ deaths, i never found them particularly convincing. i felt her vulnerability as an orphan, as a young woman with no prospects, with no real friends—as she is at the the beginning of the story—never came through properly. it felt like the writers wanted to modernize mary’s contrariness in a way, metamorphosing it into a more palatable 21st-century diagnosis: jaded teenager syndrome. 

which is cute, but not very book-accurate, i feel. it colors the rest of her journey if she hasn’t been socially deprived like she is in the novel. i can’t imagine the mary of the misselthwaite archives having a profound revelation about how much nicer people look when they smile, for instance. as a result, her journey feels a lot less interesting to me.

i personally feel mary should have been prickly, of course, and sometimes aggressively mean, but more unwilling to talk about her feelings than anything—more emotionally numb after years of neglect, more uninterested in nearly everything. she shrugs when spoken to, looks eternally glum, glares at the pitying glances of sarah medlock. it’s only with the influence of the characters in the story that she’s coaxed into opening up and begins to bloom.

i really liked sarah medlock’s characterization, as well as uncle art’s and phoebe’s! i love that aunt sarah is presented as having positive intentions from the get-go, as i’ve always hated her vilification in other adaptations. i also really like the portrayal of declan—i like the idea of him being a bit of a social misfit.

with callie, i really enjoy her actress’s portrayal—she’s properly hysterical and catty! but i feel like turning colin into a girl doesn’t add anything to the story, and removes some of the narrative tension that comes with mary coming into contact with a member of the opposite sex that mirrors her in terms of upbringing and attitude. if anything, i feel it downplays the tension of their budding friendship, as the subconscious assumption that people are more likely to become friends people of the same sex is one that the audience undoubtedly has. 

i don’t particularly like callie being steeped in pop culture, either, though it makes sense in a modern setting, technically. in the source material, though, colin is surrounded by interesting things to engage with, but he’s disinterested in all those things when mary stumbles across him. he’s more interested in thinking about his illness. i think having callie be immersed in pop culture as a way to entertain herself indicates a level of engagement with the world that colin is completely shut off from, which definitely affects his characterization. a version of colin that is invested in things enough to buy merchandise of them, etc. is a version of colin who is already significantly more “alive” than his book counterpart from the beginning. a more accurate idea of communicating colin’s isolation, i feel, would have callie being too cynical and emotionally stunted to be interested in anything, at least for very long; any media about characters going on interesting adventures only reminds her of the lackluster quality of her own life and makes her insecure, so she eschews pop culture in favor of frequent depression naps and bullying aunt sarah and phoebe. sometimes she’ll read if she’s bored, but not often, and she refuses to have lessons with phoebe unless she feels well enough to learn, leaving her education full of gaps despite her intelligence. callie, in my hypothetical adaptation, is determined to live a miserable, barren existence, much like colin. 

 anyway, it also seems that canon callie isn’t dogged by colin’s negative thoughts quite as much, and her feelings surrounding her condition feel too subdued to communicate colin’s utter maladjustment. the episode where callie “explodes” feels too muted by half! this girl should be furious, incoherent with hysteria, raging at the world for her mother’s death, stricken with self-loathing and misery! but, while callie’s actress does an amazing job with what she has, i can’t help but feel that the adaptation of her character was a bit lukewarm.

i also think giving mary and callie a history together undermines the importance of them finding each other for the first time, and gives their friendship too much of an instant leg-up from the minute mary finds her. it makes the work she has to do to befriend/reform callie feel too easy. 

not to mention, the pacing of the second half of the story, where mary finds callie to the point where she and declan plan to take her to the glade, seems way too fast. i feel there was a lot of missed potential there; they could’ve really drawn out the rockiness of mary and callie’s relationship, like mary and colin’s in the book.

i think my big problem with the misselthwaite archives is that the creators, in service of adapting it to modern times, undercuts and downplays a lot of the earnestness of the characters’ relationships that i found so charming in the book. instead of instantly loving dickon and breathlessly calling him beautiful, mary only grudgingly admits that she needs declan’s help, and any affection she has for him she keeps close to the chest. colin’s desperation for mary’s company, his screaming for her to come to him, is rendered as needy over-texting, devoid of any emotional urgency; callie seems more bored, rather than truly lonely and unable to communicate in an emotionally mature manner, like colin is. even declan is subdued in his love for nature, more shy. it makes sense for a modern adaptation not prone to the novel’s 1910s sentimentality, but i can’t help but feel that the adaptation feels dull and repressed as a result. 

i also wish we got a proper video of callie and declan meeting!

like a lot of adaptations, i think the pacing is off; more time should be spent on ironing out mary and callie’s relationship, more time should be spent in the garden, helping callie bloom. the “eye of the tiger” bit was cute, but gah, colin walking took months and months of practice, and to see all that development be reduced to a short little montage feels disheartening. i’d love to see at least 10 episodes of the teens just chilling in the glade, talking about their childhood traumas in more detail, having little conflicts among each other, planting flowers and setting up decorations...for a series with such short installments, that kind of episodic structure would be perfect. maybe they could create a subplot where mary suggests callie go to her high school and she has to work that out with medlock and that becomes a whole character-building thing, or she has a conflict with basil, or callie properly hashes out her negative feelings toward declan, or something. i dunno. i just wanted more.

i think the misselthwaite archives was really cute, but i feel it misses the mark on the melancholy of the original story; the glade itself is perfect, but the interpretation of mary feels too derivative of the “bratty teenager” trope to be honest to her book character, in my opinion. and i dislike pop culture references in timeless classics, even modern-day interpretations of them, lol. but i still appreciate it as an adaptation, though—it’s just so eager to translate the sentimentality into something more modern that it loses the essence of what i find so charming about the book, which is the unabashed intensity of the characters’ friendships, the extreme character development, and the scale of the emotional and social deprivation mary and colin suffered before said character development occurs.

i also wish declan had more animals around him, though obviously that can’t be helped, haha.

please send more asks, anon! i’d be happy to answer them! :)

#the secret garden #frances hodgson burnett #misselthwaite archives

[theold-ultraviolence]

22, 34, and 40? :)🌙

Hello my beautiful moon anon, thank you for asking these! <333 ooh these are tough. 

22. What petty opinions do they not agree on?

Ahhh probably about the most ridiculous things, like what each considers healthy for the other and what not, or habits that they don’t really vibe with. And as the decades pass and the artist starts consuming more modern media -- specifically music, he’s just so grumpy all the time because he preffers classical music and will get in such a mood when she plays classic rock records while she works or does any other house chores lol. He says it’s all noise and just. won’t. listen to it. Also, she’s a bit more social than he is, so while he could be comfortable without ever leaving their home she starts getting a bit frustrated when she feels like she’s caged again, like back in Scarparus, and it makes her kinda dissappointed when he doesn’t feel in the mood to go out at night with her. But it’s just little things. They mostly agree on everything that’s important and they actually have most interests in common, which is why they were such good friends before they started to fall for each other. 

34. How do their past relationships affect them?

I think, not entirely in a negative way. Truly, the only relationship that Hux had wasn’t even a full on relationship, but a one-sided crush on Kylo, when Hux was working as the personal doctor of the Organa-Solo’s in London (as mentioned in COTN). But he’s never really had a formal relationship. And neither has the artist, not really. She had always been kinda caged in at Scarparus even when her family was there, even more so when she started to become ill so she never really left her home. Just like Hux, she had gone through unrequited crushes most of her time. So you could say that they were each other’s first real relationship. It makes them cherish each other even more, and put more care and work into it because of how special it is. Of course, being their first, they both get insecure here and there, scared that one will grow tired of the other and vice versa, but they’re really good at communicating them. Whenever they have a problem they always bring it up without fuss, and they work through it. 

40. What do they do when the other is mad?

Ohhh usually, give them space for a bit to cool down. Hux is very scary when mad (as seen canonicaly, lol) and she’s a calmer spirit, so when Hux gets into one of his moods she prefers to just step away so that his stress doesn’t rub on her, coming back to him after he’s cooled down and they can talk about what’s bothering him. When she gets mad, it ends up affecting Hux and he gets mad because she’s mad lol, like a domino effect. But all it takes is for them to have their own little down time before coming back and talking. When they get in big arguments is not pretty and it hurts them because they hate being away from each other. So it doesn’t take much before they both come together naturally, to apologize and make up. 

50 Questions to ask about your romance

#these were super interesting and tough #thanks for asking my wonderful anon! #Anonymous #asks #children of the night au

[viktormaru]

okay here’s my full character analysis??? Headcanons???? canon retelling with my shit slapped on??? on

VIKTOR LEAGUE OF LEGENDS

(under read more cause its gonna get long)

Viktor is said to be born in the borders of the Entresol level of Zaum (aka the middle), but I’m guessing that means the lower border because of how often he’d have to move or stay away from home due to accidents.

I assume Viktor had good parents. They were artisans and seemed to encourage his creative pursuits with robotics and so on. (I also believe he is trans and that his parents supported him in that as well haha).

So yes, we have this child who likes building things. And he lives in this place that is not healthy or safe for the people that live there. His parents probably go to the upper levels to work and Viktor gets a glimpse of a better place there. He sees where he’s at and at first, he is motivated by both kindness and frustration. He is a child with a passion and all these leaks and accidents are getting in the way! So he starts studying to see what he can do. Time passes though and he realizes the extent of those things, the casualities of those humam errors. So he takes his work more seriously and soon he is producing results. But of course no one takes a teen seriously, no matter how good he is.

Until someone does and it works. His inventions are good! So he keeps doing it! He’s awkward and socially anxious but he really LOVES building things so he does it and sells his work to the factories until he gets the attention of the Zaun academy of techmaturgy (this is canon btw). 

He goes into the academy and he’s.... awkward... Like, Zaun is full of weird people sure but Viktor is pretty bad at talking about anything but robotics and stuff and comes off as blunt often, so he’s kinda isolated by his peers. He doesn’t mind, he’s there to study. But professor stanwick approaches him with interest in his work and Viktor is happy he is recognized by a professional. He’s a little naive back then and trusts his teacher a lot. Which is why he is convinced to move to Piltover, despite a bit of his reluctance to leave his home. His parents wave him goodbye and he leaves.

He moves to Piltover and gets a better lab, more tools, more money and more people to help. His work just improves in time and he’s put to work with a lot of people. He once again fails incredibly of socializing properly and falls into isolation yet again (hello darkness my old friend). People end up working with him either because he’s really the best option or because they can stand him for the time he is needed {:- (

Well, that is, until he works with Jayce. Jayce is infurating and doesn’t do things the way Viktor likes doing and has this weird outlook on how things are done that sometimes just works despite it all. He’s a puzzle that doesn’t make sense and the two end up doing a lot of things together. And having a lot of discussions. A LOT of them. They are both kinda lonely. But its like.. they don’t dislike eachother?? Because they kind skipped some steps in how socializing usually goes so it just kinda worked. 

They could’ve kept going, getting comfortable in eachother’s spaces until they could just go out to chill together or something but neither of them was brave enough to try it (or smart enough to realize that could be good). 

But then at this time that awful chem spill happened in Zaun in the entresol level and Viktor rushes home to help.

I’d say this is where Viktor’s character starts like, solidifying I guess? Because I think for the first time, as a grown mature person, Viktor is seeing death and suffering with his own eyes. Death and suffering that could’ve been avoided. He’s watching all these people die and suffer and he can only do so much to repair the damage. If only it could’ve been avoided, could’ve been stopped. He knows it’s possible. Why didn’t anyone do it? 

He doesn’t find his parents either.

So he spends the next several months throwing all his energy and sanity into doing whatever he can to help these people. He builds blitzcrank and they fix evertyhign they can. It’s a fucking CHEM spill, can you imagine just how AWFUL it all was?? people were dying for several weeks after the accident , even after the damage to the structures were already fixed. These people were slowly suffering around him and he was trying and they kept dying around him. These are workers, families. It’s a pretty bad situation.

He learnes how to infuse mechanical parts with flesh in an astonishing way just to try to replace the rotten, sick parts of the people around him. Get rid of the parts that were kiling them.

And then! He finally goes back to Piltover, after it all, and the first thing he gets is the news that Stanwick stole credits on his invention of Blitzcrank.

Like.. the emotional toll of it all? He’s tired! He’s burdened with the ammount of death he saw and people wanna be shitty and play games like that for glory and fame! It’s stupid and he doesn’t understand it! He tries to fight for his right and loses because no one really bothered to support him through it (Jayce didn’t think he’d really have to and would you look at that).

He’s angry and upset and grieving and possibly traumatized. He keeps wondering why would people do that to eachother and comes up empty. So he’s here, obsessing with replacing every part of human error to garantee that people WILL live. Of course, he’s more isolated then ever and people don’t bother to sit down and listen, they just think he’s weird and obsessed and stuff like that.

So when he needs to do the colaboration on the dive suits with Jayce and they have their fight about free will, people side with Jayce quickly. They think Viktor is mad and they had seen it coming miles away. 

He gets fucking expelled from the Piltover academia and sent back to Zaun.

To his ruined home, alone, with nothing but his name and his thoughts.

Clearly that leads him into a deep depression. After all, he lost everything but he doesn’t understand why ! because sure these people in piltover like acting high and mighty and theorizing and politicizing but they didn’t have to watch children crying because they were coughing so much blood was coming out because their lungs were corroded and they wouldnt last another week. They thought viktor was mad. 

And viktor had a lot of time to wallow over it, and think about his failures and suffer on his own and he’s actual conclusion is that negative emotions ( envy, pride, sadness) clouded people’s judgemetns. They’d let others suffer for their own gain out of fear of losing. 

He thought that himself feeling sadness was just another obstacle to do what he had to: save people.

So he basically starts operating on himself until he can barely feel emotions anymore, removing his own happiness with it (but its not like he felt it anyway so what difference did it make). And then he starts plunging into work like never before, dedicated to this new cause that is the glorious evolution. He starts again from the bottom and once again he rises, because Viktor is a genious, and he is honest in his work, in his intentions. He wants to help.

 People were scared of the Mad Man Viktor, but Viktor would do anything he could to save you if you came to him. He understood limits though, he never imposed over people. Do no harm, as they say ( what would be the point of doing that?? )

And then the other toxic even happens in Sump, another really bad one, and Viktor rushes in to help. He’s keeping these people alive in his lab but he knows he doesnt have the power to keep them so. So he goes to Jayce after an energy source.

He thinks Jayce will listen to him now, now Viktor isn’t emotive and easily hurt, now he isn’t insecure, he has a cause, he has something he fights for. A brighter tomorrow.

And Jayce calls him mad. 

Viktor is kind of dissapointed, he’d think Jayce, who has always been so uncaring of people’s opinion’s would at least try to understand. He doesn’t. So he takes the crystal by force from Jayce (petty arguments can be saved for later, those people on his lab needed him NOW).

When Jayce follows him there with a hammer he understands the stakes. 

One life against hundreds is an easy math. Viktor chooses to sacrifice Jayce (Jayce chose to come here after all)

But then Jayce actually destroys his lab.

And like... imagine waking up to your laboratory destroyed, just dozens of corpses of innocent people laying around. yet another failure, yet another big price to pay.

He has to start from zero again. His reputation is completely stepped on ( he is truly crazy now by everyone’s eyes) and Jayce is a hero. Blitzcrank sticks around for a little while, moved by the same passion to help people, but blitzcrank can stand the deaths and the gruesomeness of viktor’s work, he leaves to try to help in other ways. Viktor lets him of course, blitz has free will and he isn’t anyone to stop him. 

Some people, desperate people, still come to him for help. He does his best to give them what they need. A strange cult forms and idolizes him, he hates it, he is no god, he is just another man. People thinking of him as an etheral being just proves his theory on how fear and wayward emotions lead to dumb, dangerous mistakes.

In the end, Viktor is trying to cheat suffering, cheat death at all costs.

I don’t believe he sent any golems or anything after Jayce, vengence is way too beneath him. Stealing? Maybe not, depends. I think Jayce became a bit paranoid after “defeating” viktor. Because Viktor said some big words and Jayce is suddenly realizing that truly, he has no purpose. He’s just a useless tool. He makes things sure, but what for? He’s raised as a hero but damn he doesn’t feel like it.

And to end it all, this is why I think Ekko and Viktor should sit down and chat at some point. They are so similar and so different all at once. They both love Zaun and its people, they both wanna protect them and have a passion for inventing. But while Viktor wants to reject his human side to achieve his goals, Ekko embraces it. Like, I don’t think Viktor shouldn’t even be his mentor, more like his colleague. Ekko is his own person and has a different way of doing things, but they could do a lot together as well. 

Also Ekko and Blitz are totally friends in canon so like.. yeah.. Zaun for life....

Anyway this is it thank tou all for reading this is UUUH like 1,8k words long 

extras or stuff I already said and will say again:

viktor is trans

he was an anxious yet hopeful (and maybe a bit naive) teenager

he still loves sweet things and thats canon.. he likes chilling sometimes

workaholic as seen

blames himself for literally everything like a dumbass

is kinda of very afraid of death in general

is not the kind of person that steals children to experiment on them cmon guys thats propaganda

is embarrassed of the cult following him

i guess he doesnt have his whole left arm anymore, chop chop it went

USED braces as  kid

loves blitzcrank like a son, doesnt realize it

I think thats all, sorry yall

#league of legends #viktor #VIKTOR META #sdfjiusdfjsdf yea i wrote this nonstop forgive me