#you thought it was so you understood he may have health problems later due to complications

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

The ring was small and silver with a single emerald embedded in the metal.

It wasn’t something flashy, it probably cost less than the smallest gem from his vault all together.

But it was perfect.

Which made it so heartbreaking to turn it down.

“Dick.. you know me so well.. I wish I could take this ring, i really do.”

Dick was still on one knee in the little apartment, but he put the small box down on the floor as he asked.

“Then what’s stopping you?”

Danny let out a bitter chuckle,

“The US government.”

#so your boyfriend warned you that he had died when he was 14 #when you first got serious #you thought it was so you understood he may have health problems later due to complications #in reality #The government thinks your boyfriend is nonsentient and non-sapient #welp you now have things to do #dick:… it’s.. a… temporary set-back! #dick: It's a momentary lapse But conveniently my ego doesn't bruise #writing prompt #dp x dc #danny fenton #dc x dp #shipping #dick grayson #dead of night #ghost circus #The US government: why do i hear boss music

[pearlescent-princess]

I walk alone as I view this. A time from before where I had usually been escorted by Strider due to health matters. It is refreshing to be alone.

I had walked the familiar streets with fresh eyes. Much had changed but not much to make it unrecognizable. The cobblestones below hadn't been removed in the Old Market like it had several streets over. This was barely touched. It was still slightly muddy from the rain the day before. It had been sunnier this day.

I held a bag in my hand as I walked in wonder around. The sun felt good on my skin. A warmth that never failed me. I headed deeper into the city noting how old buildings had folded and new ones had been put up. Details that I had recognized from previous trips but had not taken in fully. I placed my right had against the plaster side and ran it across as I walked a tight alley. My bag dragged against the wall slightly as I held it.

I was on my way to see someone. In a delighted mood as I had a gift with me. Something to give back. It was kept in my bag. Nothing too important but still sentimental. A gift meant to be given to a friend. One I was giddy to bring all on my own.

I had already checked the stall where they might have been but found it vacant for the day. No one had set up. It did not matter as I knew the way. I exited the alleyway and out again. I could see the encampment. I went towards it as I felt the damp earth under my feet. It did not squish as I walked but rather had a soft, yet firm feel to it. I didn't linger as I walked barefoot. I know I did it so I could sense the land better, my general surroundings. To connect to something at least.

I had walked in and went by people milling about. Doing early morning tasks. An individual had said that who I was looking for was not at the camp but in the river. I only nodded and did not speak. Words had been slow to come back even if I was considered "better".

I went to the shore. The river was engorged from the rain. I had stepped in a bit as I waded. It flowed around me as I felt the river silt at my feet. It was less wide across here. It wouldn't be hard to cross. The small island wasn't far, just a few strides to it.

I know I made Strider peeved later as my pants were wet and dirty. I did not care at the moment. I was free feeling. I felt free at least. I could hear bird song and the rush of the river. It was serene to me. It felt right. I felt alive.

I came across a pair. Two individuals I knew. I had let out a chime of a laugh. I had covered my mouth. I watched as the young man who saw me had grown flustered. He had said something to his family member to get their attention.

I spoke to reassure him. "Do not worry about me here. I am simply delivering a gift. Even if it may be a minor trinket. I saw them and thought it was fitting."

The other person turned from washing clothes. I smiled and did not comment on anything.

They looked at the dirt that clung to my pants. "Do you not worry the mud will not come out?"

I could sense there was mild annoyance. It did not matter to me.

I spoke. "It will come out." I tapped my toes into the earth some. "It will. It is a problem for me, and not for you."

I offered to help pull some of the clothes from the river. The young man had said I did not have to but his family member had said otherwise. I got back into the river to take a few items with me. It had gotten my top wet now but it did not matter.

I carried a few items back with them. I kept a smile on my face the whole time. It was a simple task to me. I helped wring them of water some more as we reached the drying line at the encampment. I offered to use some magic to help quicken it but was declined. It had not bothered me. I know I just wanted to offer assistance. To be useful.

I was invited into the back of the other person's caravan. One I had been to other times for a variety of reasons. They relaxed some and massaged their wrists. I understood how it felt. I placed the bag onto the table and opened it. I was watched with curious eyes.

"What is it?" They asked

I hummed. "Something trivial and frivolous but something I just needed to get for you."

I pulled out a pair of earrings with amber and brass-y metal. They were from a trip I had taken with Hearth. I saw them at a marketplace on his world. Etched with symbols of his kind.

"See," I placed them in my left palm and showed them. "Not a big deal. I just thought you may like them. I get a lot of your stuff. I just thought these were fitting for you."

I held them to a sunray. "They flash just like the dawn."

I smiled. I took their hand and placed them in their palm. Then closed their fingers around the earrings.

"They're yours now. Wear them if you want, or you don't have to. Either is fine. I just.. I just wanted to give a gift." I hadn't let my smile falter.

They spoke and muttered something. I only tutted and said they were a gift. That's what they were meant to be alone. No need to do more than just keep them. I had been offered something, food I think, but I had politely declined. I left after. I know I had waved goodbye to the flustered young man too. He knew me from working with his family member. I'd see him at market too.

I remember returning to the modernized part of the city. I was muddied, but I was happy. Strider had scolded me after. Took us home for the rest of the day.

#monarch's musings #echoes in time #uhh.. the rare look into a piece of my past. it is v mundane

[jodilin65]

If you think whites are “privileged” you’re deluding yourself. It’s just that I keep hearing the term and I assure you we have to play by the same rules as everyone else. We’re no more or less special let alone privileged.

To clarify what I was saying about Trump the other day, this doesn’t mean it still doesn’t piss the shit out of me that a known criminal who incited a riot and has done God only knows how many other illegal things can be reelected, as I believe he will, without paying the consequences whatsoever. Meanwhile, I lost my freedom and thousands of dollars because I spoke out against being victimized two decades and three states ago.

I was shocked to learn that same-sex relationships were illegal in the US up until 2003. I thought they were decriminalized decades before that! To think that I could have been arrested for being with Kacey and then later with Brenda is kind of mind-boggling.

But then how did so many gay bars exist before 2003 without being raided and shut down?

Sometimes I’ve wondered what it would be like to live in certain times and I imagine either way back in the past or if I was young today, like in my 20s or 30s. I’d say it’s probably a good thing the internet didn’t exist when I was young because I was a naive idiot who might have gotten into all kinds of trouble.

I wonder if it would have been easier to meet women. Back when I was young all you had was word of mouth or going to bars. If something isn’t meant to be whether it’s by design or not, it won’t be no matter how available it may be in general or how hard you work for it, so I don’t know that it would have made a difference. I think I still would have been met with the same rejection I got from the gay community years ago due to being very feminine. I simply had no desire to follow the so-called lesbian dress code that to this day I have never understood. Why should I have had to cut my hair off, ditch makeup, skirts, dresses, and heels, and walk and talk like a guy simply because I was attracted to women? I never understood the connection.

I know people can’t always help how they look and while they certainly do have a right to do what they want, can it be a coincidence that so many of them have short hair and are boyish in appearance? It really at least seems to be some kind of dress code just like it’s the opposite with gay guys appearing feminine. Again, it never made much sense to me to want to look like what you’re not supposedly attracted to but eh, whatever floats your boat.

I finally finished the Cabin Fever challenge I would have finished over a week ago had I not gotten sick. I’m back in Indiana with 1299 miles to go.

Having a thunderstorm tonight which is always nice.

I always used to say that when we moved from Auburn to Citrus Heights we traded in money issues for health problems for me. I asked Tom yesterday if I was imagining it or if we’ve been doing the best we’ve done financially since being here and he said yes, we are. Funny that it’s at a time when I get sicker than I’ve ever been. I don’t see it ever happening but if we were suddenly millionaires I can just imagine what my health would be like!

I haven’t been sick but I still have a bit of nausea and acid reflux at times. I also have moments where I wonder if I’m infected but I’m guessing I’m not. If I am, it’s mild.

My fatigue is kind of bad today. I was going to nap but couldn’t sleep. I think that’s a good thing, though, because napping yesterday may have done more harm in the end than good because it meant staying up later than usual and not sleeping as long. If I don’t sleep seven or eight hours at once, I’m more likely to be tired.

My appetite is still down as well and I’m down another half a pound. I still expect that to return, though. I’ve kind of got mixed emotions about that one. It’s good for me to lose weight but I also miss enjoying food. It’s not like I’m starving, though. I just can’t eat as much. I’ve been averaging around 1000 calories give or take a couple hundred. I’m actually getting hungry right now just talking about it, lol, so I’m going to go make something to eat.

[asher-the-diaster]

the sister planets part 9

the penner project

this is part of a ingoing humans are space orcs series that i'm not totally sure how i ended up writing, as always the link to the part index is here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DYMuKK5CIgJgDapNbu5sBqr_b5uT1Yz4pJoJ2fuAk4w/edit?usp=sharing

Earth was in chaos, and I had never felt this useless in my whole life.

After first contact with extraterrestrials, the government tried to keep the information classified, which did not work. And when footage leaked and people discovered that the Canadian prime minister had been at diplomatic contact soon the fact that i was the one who made contact was out of the bag too.

My crew was on leave to recover from the ordeal, and deal with the fact that ourship exploded, so I was on earth witnessing the chaos first hand, unable to do anything.

Aliens.

Everyone was up in arms.

Riots in the streets, death prophecies, just general incoherent panic.

My crew ended up in a secure facility, partially to monitor our health both physical and mental, mostly to keep us safe from being targeted by the riots outside.

Governments went largely silent on the issue. Censorship cut off information from the general public in an attempt to curb the chaos, it did not work.

After three weeks of non stop general panic a nurse told me that there was someone who wanted to see me.

I got dressed as professionally as you can in a hospital with a broken leg and walked out on my crutches, now a human model. I was kinda sad they didn’t let me keep the one twee-ake had given me.

The nurse led me into the common room, then handed me a translation device.

“The fuck? I thought this was my family or something.”

“They’ll call you in when they're ready.”

“Okay...” i put on the device, it looked like a pair of over the ear headphones someone had removed one ear from and pushed the other one out, the point to that was to ensure that you could still hear your environment during translation, i put it on and pushed the bottom that let the mic pick up my voice to translate.

Soon after I had the device on, the other members of my crew started to arrive in the common room. Unsurprisingly Olivera looked the most put together, how she had gotten her uniform in here I don't know. Davoin wore jeans and a t- shirt, and Richardson was in sweats.

None of us seemed to have any clue what was going on.

I was called in first, they led me to a conference room type place at the end of the hall.

Inside was my platoon leader, the nato and spto generals, a rep from the UN, and my brother, the prime minister of canada.

“Should I be in uniform?” I asked.

“It's fine captain, we understand that you are recovering from your... ordeal.”

“Right.” get abducted by aliens one time and everyone puts the kiddy gloves on around you, “May I ask what is happening here?”

“Sure, so you are obviously aware of our first contact with extraterrestrials, and the problems that have arisen on their front and ours.”

“Yeah.”

“Well our delegations and their contact crew, I believed they were called, have come up with a solution to the problems that have arisen due to these particular circumstances.”

“You mean the fact that the two most advanced species in interstellar life happen to be martians and venusians who are terrified of us because they think they were children of a death god? Or the riots about aliens existing?”

The UN rep looked at Mathew, “don’t look at me I've seen her cuss at a president, that is filtered for her.”

“Anyways. The spto rep said, “the solution that was reached was a joint study in interstellar space, we send a crew on a interspecies ship that will run odd jobs in order to help with the galaxy and they also send crews to join us, we get to study and learn from each other.”

“That sounds like a plan but why tell me?”

“Because,” Matt said, putting his head in his hands, “they want you to run it.”

“Well you too captain the ship, not necessarily do the study.”

“Why me? I stuck at improving humans opinions on humans, why woud anyone want me to represent the planet?”

“The martians and venusians, twee-ake and titita? Asked for you by name.`` Mathew said, rubbing his temples.

“Ok,” i trusted those too, they had saved my life, if they were involved i trusted the project.

“What?”

“As long as my crew can come I'll do it.”

“Catain,” the nato general said, “we are talking about being light years from your home, at the wimes of a race and we know nothing about, I implore you, think this through.”

“I have, these people saved me and my crew's lives, that bodes a lot of trust for me, plus they legitimately think we are children of a death god, they won’t try to hurt me. If my crew is allowed to come and is willing, I'm in.”

“Your crew, if willing, were on our list of potentials, along with an even number of citizens from the spto, we refuse to let nato do this without our input.”

“Understood.”

“Can I talk to my sibling out in the hall?” Mat asked, “great” he said not waiting for an answer, he pulled me by the arm and into the hall.

“What are you doing?” he asked in a whisper yell.

“Agreeing to help my people advance, how is this different from you running for pm, this is my way of helping earth.”

“This could end badly, we don’t know anything about these people. What if they hurt you?”

“Did you miss the part where they saved my life?”

“You could get even more hurt.”

“My leg wasn’t there flaut, and even if it was you can get hurt walking down the street, the possibility of injury is nothing new to me matthew.”

“Sam please.”

“I love you, but this isn’t your decision to make.”

10 minutes later me and my crew were in front of the brass, as they finished the project's explanation.

“Well?” i asked, “we can’t force you to go but i’m not doing this without you, what do you say?”

“Let's blow this popsicle stand.” Richardson exclaimed.

“In 5 weeks when the ship and your broken bones are ready.”

“Am i the only one who is wondering how this is going to stop the riots?” Oliveira asked.

“We are keeping the interior mission declassified, we are working for open information and familiarity to stop the panic.”

“I feel like that logic is flawed but okay…”

As we discussed the details I caught a glimpse of Mathew, he looked worried sick, but he would come to understand, wouldn’t he? This was what the oracle started, and what our remaining members would finish.

#the sister planets #humans are confusing #humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #earth is a death world #earth is space australia

[noaltbruh]

Bucci gang comforting a reader having a panic attack

GIORNO:

-Giorno probably had one or two panic attacks himself when he was very young, his parents' constant neglect didn't exactly have a good influence on his mental health

-Because of that, Giorno is surprisingly calm during the whole thing, like he knows exactly what to do, and low-key, he does

-he'd hold your hands tight and look at you right in the eyes, saying that whatever is bothering you, the two of you can figure it out together later

-"Breath in, breath out. I'm not going anywhere, Y/n, I'm here for you"

-his tone of voice makes you feel safe, you know you can trust him to help you in this situation.

-he would even let you play with his hair, if it makes you feel better. Touching his soft, blonde curls gives you a strange sense of peace

-it doesn't take long for you to calm down, and you're once again left to wonder how Giorno seems so perfect in everything he does

BUCCIARATI:

-while Bucciarati has never experienced a panic attack personally, he knows quite a lot about the subject

-at first, he would be more distressed than Giorno, but it doesn't take long for him to catch up and look for a way to help you feel better

-He'd cook your favorite comfort food, hoping to distract you a little from whatever caused you to feel this way

-He'd want you to stay by his side the whole time, obviously. He'd never leave you alone in such a delicate state

-after the first time, he would always keep some chocolate bars for emergency, in case something like that were to happen again

-However, now he would be twice as careful to make sure not to put you in any situation that may cause a similar reaction in you

MISTA:

-Let's be honest: Mista is a really chill dude, there's no way he has ever had a panic attack

-he doesn't know almost anything about it, and the first time it happened to you, he thought you would have just stopped after a minute or two

-but when he realized you had no intention to stop, his expression immediately turned into one of concern, he almost looked more scared than you

-he isn't as good as Bruno or Giorno when it comes to comforting someone, but he'd still try to help you, he would even try to make you laugh, hoping you would have stopped crying

-"W-wanna hear a joke?" 'Mista, what the hell are you doing? Does it look like the time to joke around? Think about something, you idiot!'

-Needless to say, the pistols were going crazy too, they all have you little kisses hoping to cheer you up a little. Number 5 even started crying, he was so worried for you

-Eventually, somehow, you calmed down; Mista doesn't know how he managed to survive through all this himself

-But he learned his lesson, and made sure to consult A LOT of articles online to be prepared in case there was a second time

NARANCIA:

-Narancia's situation is...kind of weird, to say the last

-he's probably experienced a panic attack AT LEAST 3 times before joining the gang, but he wouldn't really know that's an actual thing

-when he saw you curled up on yourself, breathing heavily and with tears in your eyes, Narancia genuinely thought you were going to die

-he tried to call an ambulance for you, but you stopped him an ad managed to tell him among your sobs that you didn't need it

-he tried to ask you what to do to help, but he soon realized that he had to figure this out on his own

-he took all the snacks he could find in the kitchen and wrapped you in a blanked, hoping to calm you down even a little

-"See Y/n, n-no reason to be scared! I-I'm here, it's okay!"

-desperate, Narancia held you tight to himself, if this didn't work, he would have probably started crying too

-but, thank Goodness, your breathing started to go back to be more regular and eventually you stopped shivering

-you immediately explained to Narancia what a panic attack was, of course. You don't want to make best boy worry even more about you, do you?

FUGO:

-Due to all the pressure everyone put on Fugo during his childhood, it's safe to assume that he isn't new to the subject

-However, he doesn't exactly have a good way to handle the problem, to the point where he would just wait for it to pass naturally, acting like it was nothing serious

-but that wasn't something he was allowed to do when he realized you were going through the same exact thing as him

-even though he perfectly knows what's happening, he's just as clueless as Narancia when it comes to help you feel better

-he's too scared to even touch you, he thinks he's going to make you feel worse if he doesn't take 200 precautions

-he'd try with a simple "it's okay", but, of course, it didn't work

-like the situation wasn't bad enough, the amount of stress Fugo was feeling in that moment made him lose control over his stand, causing it to materialize into the room next to the boy

-ironically, Purple Haze was the one that saved the situation, disobeying his master's orders and hugging you tight from behind

-you didn't care if the virus could have potentially killed you if one of the stand's little spheres were to break, all you needed was some comfort, and that's what Purple haze was giving you

-Just like Mista, Fugo also searched for... ahem, more 'healthy ways' to handle the problem, relying on his Stand all the time probably wasn't the best option

ABBACCHIO:

-being the least "touchy-feeling" one out of the entire gang, he would probably just think that the concept of "panic attack" is simply stupid, even though I'm 100% sure he's had at least one in his life

-when it happened for the first time, Abbacchio almost tried to shrug it off like it was nothing serious, saying that you have no reason to be "that scared"

-but then...5, 10, heck, even 15 minutes later you were still there, drowning your head between your knees, shaking like a leaf in autumn

-That's when he finally understood that he couldn't keep on being a d**k about it and it was time to do something useful

-"O-oi...what the hell, Y/N? What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"

-he'd awkwardly try to pet you on the head, he genuinely has no idea of what is going on right now

-in the end, he just waits until the worst part ends and you're able to speak again

-well, that's definitely something the two of you will have to work on...

TRISH:

-Trish probably has never had a real panic attack, but she was extremely worried when she was about to meet with Diavolo in Venezia

-in the moment she realizes what's happening to you, she immediately calls out Spice Girl, hoping she would help her trying to think about something to resolve the situation

-there isn't really much she can do though, she's still a stand, a reflection of the user's soul, and if Trish has no idea what to do (especially since this doesn't involve fighting), Spice Girl is just as clueless

-she'd offer to cuddle with you a little, hoping that physical contact will make you feel better

-she doesn't get an answer, but it's still worth a shot, right?

-it...doesn't work out perfectly, but it obviously helped you feel better, even a little; you even managed to call out your own stand, so that Spice girl could participate too

-around half an hour later, it all went back to normal, and Trish promised to learn more about the subject to be more prepared for the next time

Yes, I know I could potentially write headcanons about characters from all the parts, but I just love the Bucci gang so much eheh.

Also, I have a wattpad profile where I'm currently writing my own Giorno x reader fanfic, I'd really appreciate it if you could check it out :)

#anime #manga #jojo part 5 #vento aureo #golden wind #jojo's bizzare adventure x reader #giorno x reader #bucciarati x reader #team bucciarati #bucci gang #mista x reader #narancia x reader #fugo x reader #abbacchio x reader #trish x reader

[ikemen-girl]

Ikemen Sengoku Headcanon💗⚔:

Mitsuhide/Mc:

I don't want to part from you...

Genre: Heavy Angst💔 (Characters Death) with Happy Ending❤✨!

Hello everyone, I got really inspired by this post by @yukina-otome and what if this actually happened in Ikemen Sengoku considering Mitsuhide's route in the game. In this story, MC is born and raised in Sengoku era instead of belonging from the future. I also got really inspired by this beautiful piece of art made by @ashavazesa which made me so much more emotional while writing this work. P.S: I am not at all sorry for breaking your delicate hearts😂. So here we go~!

In the year, 1582:

Despite difficult struggles without the presence of your parents in your life, you had grown up to be a very beautiful and talented seamstress in Azuchi. One day, after your work was finished for the day, you were walking along the streets of Azuchi when you noticed three men on the streets observing the working environment in the markets of Azuchi. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the sharp glint of the arrow being pointed at the man in the middle of the other two men. On instinct, the package dropped from your hands as you leapt to save the man. "Get down!", you pushed the man down as the arrow missed it aim and hit the nearby tree instead. "Ouch!", the man groaned in pain as you look down. The other two men, one of them immediately caught the attacker and the other man inspected the arrow. "Are you okay?", you asked the man and stared at his clothes in wonder. "Yes, I am okay but why are you staring at me this way? You don't know me?", the man asked. "I really don't!", you replied. "You intrigue me which is as worthy of praise as saving my life, I am Lord of Azuchi Castle, Daimyo of Owari, Oda Nobunaga", he replied smirking at you. Your eyes wide went with surprise, you heard a lot about him and here you accidentally saved his life. "Lord? Lord Nobunaga?", you exclaimed. "Now tell me your name!", he took hold of your chin forcing you to meet his intimidating gaze & ruthless smile. "MC! Now where are your manners? Let go of me right now!", you brushed his hand aside. "Hey girl, are you calling for your death?", said the man with brown hair. "What?!", you exclaimed. "Calm down Hideyoshi, I was correct, you are really intriguing, no one has spoken that way to me!", Nobunaga smirked. Hideyoshi stared at you suspciously but he let it go for a moment. "Lord Nobunaga, that was poison arrow intended to kill you on the spot", Hideyoshi said to him. "Act of Cowardice!", Nobunaga smirked. "Don't worry, Lord Nobunaga, I will interrogate him!", said the other man with silver hair. "Good job, Mitsuhide!", said Nobunaga proudly. Mitsuhide's golden eyes fell upon you in a way that he could read you like a book. "This girl is so slender but her courage makes up for it, she is a seamstress here, Lord Nobunaga!", he said holding your package. "Hey, wait, when did you-?", you tried to ask him but you were interrupted with a loud laugh. "This girl is interesting, carries fortune with her, also a talented person! She will serve as my lucky charm, just spend your days on makeup & games", Nobunaga said with a haughty tone. "What? Why-?", you asked giving him a look of disapproval. "Are you trying to question my lord?", asked Hideyoshi glaring at you. "I mean, I wanted to say that I want to work and not laze around!", you said with a flat voice which made Mitsuhide's eyes went wide as he howled with laughter and Nobunaga's smirk grew wide. "I am surrounded by creepy guys!", you thought looking at them. In this way, you found yourself as the chatelaine and the seamstress of Azuchi Castle among various strong warlords like Nobunaga, Mitsuhide, Hideyoshi, Masamune, Ieyasu and Mitsunari.

You were feeling overwhelmed due to the drastic change in your life overnight when you have to throw your old life and stepped on the first battleground in your life when the most unexpected man came to your rescue, Mitsuhide. He became your teacher in your new journey as a *perfect* chatelaine to serve his Lord Nobunaga. Everyone in the Oda forces and Azuchi Castle grew fond of you quickly, you were like a bright ball of energy and blooming flower of happiness around everyone. Mitsuhide mocked you, teased you, making your heart race, supported you by always standing by your side. You defended him once strongly in the town despite being wary of him and he fell in love with you. He realized later that he fell in love with you at the first sight seeing your boldness, honesty, hardworking and empathetic nature, he also felt so amazed that you stood by your values despite growing up in difficult environment which he has forsaken long ago. Despite hearing the heated rumours of him working as a traitor of Oda forces, you found yourself seeking him. You realized your undying feelings of love for him after Mitsuhide took revenge for your sake. After facing many problems together and coming out of it, you both finally confessed your feelings, unable to deny it any longer.

One day, you both went together outside in the evening to roam around in the festival being held at Azuchi when you bought a whole package of food for him as he has not eaten any food since morning, he gave a reason that he forget to eat food owing to the overload of work, you gave it to him and turned around to pay the money to the shopkeeper when certain poor and hungry kids approached him, he smiled at them, gently. He gave them his whole package of food and his expression was filled with genuine happiness when the kids enjoyed the delicious food. You turned back to see Mitsuhide staring off into distance, "Mitsuhide, where is your food?", you asked him. He pointed his finger towards the happy kids and you understood the whole situation as your face melted into a happy smile as you wiped a tear that escaped your eye feeling the softness & warmth in the heart of your lover. Mitsuhide cared for everyone and he possessed a heart of gold. "Little mouse, what happened?", Mitsuhide asked, chuckling, he caressed your rosy cheek. You giggled and shook your head at him and purchased another pack of food for him to eat. You both were resting on the field of flowers in the star-filled sky, Mitsuhide lay down his head on your lap and plays with your hair. "What's gotten into you suddenly, my love?", you asked him, chuckling gently. "You are looking so beautiful, my dearest little mouse!", Mitsuhide said looking at you with a fond and affectionate gaze. "MC, may I ask you something?", Mitsuhide looked at you, smiling gently. "Yes, you can!", you smiled brightly at him. "If our fates are tied with each other and we cannot deny our feelings for each other any longer, I would like you to become the light of my life and always shine my path, can you please stay by my side forever?", he asked you with the genuine, soft expression, Mitsuhide has confessed his feelings for you many times before but it felt more special and the precious moment couldn't describe your happiness as you nodded your head and smiled brightly at him, "I will stay by your side forever!". Mitsuhide let out a beautiful and dazzling smile, hearing your answer as you both looked into each other eyes happily as you caressed his cheek and he held your hand gently.

Soon, you became pregnant with Mitsuhide's child and there was no limit to his happiness, his eyes watered up. He scooped you up in his arms as he showered you with kisses on your forehead and cheeks upon hearing the news infront of other warlords which made your cheeks turned deep shade of red yet your heart was bubbling with happiness. The banquet was held in order to celebrate your pregnancy when you were pampered by other warlords like Nobunaga gave you konpeitos secretly with a proud smirk before Hideyoshi could catch him, Masamune made you eat so many delicious food items all the while grinning like a tiger, Ieyasu constantly gave you tips for the good health of your baby and mother despite being adorably grumpy, Hideyoshi took care of all your needs while Mitsunari happily chattering away with you and Mitsuhide would stare at you with the loving and affectionate gaze all the while which made you blush and he would absolutely enjoy your adorable reactions, he felt extremely happy and at bliss seeing you as the mother of his unborn child.

No one knew about the upcoming storm that would completely shatter their lives forever...

7 Days Later:

"Lord Nobunaga...died?", your blood turned to ice at the news given by Kyubei in your room at Azuchi Castle. It was so hard to believe the fact that the man with whom you were just laughing a week ago, eating konpeitos with each other secretly was no more. "How did this....happen?", you asked him, your eyes wide with shock. "Lord Nobunaga went to Honno-Ji temple for a tour 2 days ago and the whole temple was engulfed in uncontrollable flames while Lord Nobunaga was assassinated inside the temple!", he said looking down. "WHAT?!", you exclaimed, horror filled his eyes. "Where is Mitsuhide? He told me he had to go on campaign? Where is Hideyoshi? Others? Did they all came back? ", you asked him, Kyubei could clearly feel the panic in your voice. "Calm down, Milady, Lord Mitsuhide and others must be returning to the Azuchi Castle anytime after finishing the last rituals of Lord Nobunaga, you must not take stress right now!", Kyubei said trying to assure you. "No Kyubei, I can't sit back and rest after knowing about the chaos, as the chatelaine of Azuchi Castle, I will fulfill my duties, come with me, please!", you pleaded him to which he nodded almost immediately.

When you and Kyubei went outside, you could clearly see the state of panic in people as they were running here and there upon hearing the news of death of their ultimate ruler who almost conquered the whole of Japan. You along with Kyubei managed to calm down the people in the Azuchi Castle as the people respected you so they immediately followed your orders. You went into the town of Azuchi with Kyubei and tried to calm down the situation which was more difficult than the people residing in the castle, they were more afraid, uncertainty and panic written clearly on their faces. You urged them all to stay calm till the time all the warlords come back and everything will be taken care for them properly. You returned to the Azuchi Castle after managing the town along with Kyubei when the gates of the castle were opened revealing the faces that you were longing to see from the very long time. You could see all the warlords wearing cold expressions on their faces as they came inside the castle. They looked like different people as if you don't know them for a moment. Hideyoshi looked the most troubled, he looked lost as if the entire purpose of his life had been snatched from him in the blink of the eye, clouded in sadness, rage and coldness. You could clearly see the distress written on the faces of Ieyasu, Masamune and Mitsunari. You caught the glimpse of Mitsuhide whose expression was unreadable for the whole time, for some reason, the vassals of Lord Nobunaga, were staring at him angrily. You got the idea of their anger towards him as you went to arrange for their needs after returning from the journey. Every person dispersed to their own room after their return as they needed personal time to recover from their huge loss of a leader and a heavy blow to the Oda forces. You saw to their needs as the chatelaine and went back to meet Mitsuhide in his room after a long day.

"Mitsuhide...", you called out to him who was staring at the moon with a solemn look on his face. Probably this was the first time in his life when he didn't notice your appearance besides him as you gently rested your hand on his shoulder which twitched at your touch. He was startled and as he turned towards you, his serious & solemn expression relaxed into a tired smile.

"Mitsuhide, it's me...", you said to him in a very gentle tone. "Little one, you finally came...", he sighed. "How did you get hurt?", you looked at his wounded cheek worriedly and tended to him quickly. Before he could answer your question, you put your finger on his lips and cupped his cheeks in your hands. "No matter what happens, I have complete faith in you!", you said with a clear and soft voice, looking deep into his eyes and his gaze trembled under your soft smile with your strong faith in him.

"You must have received the news that...that...the one whom I believed....will finally restore...the peace in Japan completely...", he tried to say but his words died in his throat. "I know Mitsuhide...Kyubei told me....this is the reason I am here with you...I don't want you to be alone right now...", your heart broke at the sight of his expression which looked so lost and his trembling figure, he was not the commander of the Oda forces right now who is famous for his indifference but he was the human who felt pain like any other normal person.

"Can I hold you?", you asked him gently. He quietly nodded looking down. You were everything he needed for his solace. You gently embraced him, "You can be yourself with me, I cannot understand the depth of pain you are suffering from right now but I can try my best to comfort you", you said gently rubbing his back in soothing circles. His eyes went wide, he felt a huge lump in his thoat, his eyes felt a burning sensation at your words filled with love as he hid his face in the crook of your neck while he held you tightly against himself like he will fall apart completely if he let you go even for a moment. "Please..please...let me stay like this for a while....", he said, his voice choked with emotion. "As long as you need, my love", you said, gently kissing his forehead. Tears after tears soaked through your kimono as he cried while you stroked his hair gently like you would do to a kid till the moment he let out everything he was feeling in his heart in your comforting arms through his tears. After a long time, Mitsuhide took a deep breathe and started speaking slowly, looking at you.

"I have made my decision, little mouse", Mitsuhide said with a voice void of emotion that sent chill down your spine. "Mitsuhide, what are you planning?", you timidly asked him almost afraid of his next words, a feeling of dread spreading within you. "I will declare myself as a traitor of Oda forces who was involved in killing Oda Nobunaga!", Mitsuhide said, his voice filled with determination.

"No!", the word fell from your mouth even before you realized it. "What are you saying, Mitsuhide?! Please tell me I heard it wrong!", you desperately plead him holding his arms, as if trying to make him come into senses, your voice cracking painfully as you broke down. "You heard it right, little one!", said Mitsuhide with a strong voice as he held your shoulder to calm you down. "Why? Why Mitsuhide? I can't understand it", you fell down, tears rolling down your cheeks, you looked so weak and fragile that it broke his heart. Mitsuhide held you in his arms gently cradling your head as he continued to explain everything to you. As you were the only person left in this world who meant everything for him.

"Little mouse, you have seen panic in the people of Azuchi when you went to calm them as the chatelaine of the castle, right?", he asked you gently. You quietly nodded while listening to him patiently. "Imagine the state of the people when they heard the news of death of their ultimate ruler who almost conquered the whole of Japan? What will happen next, dear?", he asked you. "There will be chaos of uncertainty and fear in the mind of people going through the aftermath of this incident...", you replied to his answer. "I see, my little mouse is as smart as ever!", he gently caressed your hair as a sign of appreciation which only increased the pain in your heart as you came to realized the whole scenario hidden behind his words.

"So I will become a self-proclaimed shogun and a traitor in the eyes of people, this will lead to the extreme hatred & distrust of people towards me which has already started since today...", He stopped and took a deep shuddering breathe and stares off into distance. He chuckled lightly which made you confused there for a moment as you look up to him. "And as far as I know, the monkey of Lord Nobunaga, mother hen of Azuchi Castle and the most loved commander of Oda forces will surely take revenge of the death of his beloved lord...", he said with a nonchalant shrug, smiling down at you. "Hideyoshi!?", you exclaimed, pure horror written on your face. Mitsuhide nodded at you with a smile.

"Once Hideyoshi kills the traitor of the Oda forces, the fear and panic from the hearts of people will dissipiate & the chaotic times will come to an end as Hideyoshi will continue to serve as the most deserving ruler after Lord Nobunaga!", Mitsuhide said, a calm smile on his lips, his eyes closed as he held you more tightly. "How can you smile? You will die...", you tried your best not to cry, not now, but you couldn't control your sobs seeing his calm expression.

"Remember little mouse, I once told you that as long as peace comes with my death, I would be satisfied...", Mitsuhide said it with the same smile without regrets which hit you much more intensely than it did before and your breathe got caught as your eyes brimmed with tears. Mitsuhide looks at you with a sad smile as he wiped away your tears gently. Your mind made a strong resolve as you bow down infront of him suddenly which made him speechless. "Little mouse, what...what are you doing?", he asked, eyes wide with shock. "As Mitsuhide Akechi's wife, I will support and love you with my entire soul and heart! I will always remember your sacrifice, you are my honour, love...", you said with a proud smile, determination burning in your eyes. Mitsuhide embraced you tightly, he thought he could easily suppressed the pain of his heart with a nonchalant smile to convince you of the right thing to do despite your protests. He didn't expect you to be so supportive of his ideals and smiling bravely even when he could clearly see the world come crashing down in your eyes. "You always surprise me, little one...you have became so strong....", Mitsuhide said as a gentle whisper as if saying anything anymore will shatter him completely though he let his tears to freely to flow down his cheeks. "My love for you has made me that way", you whispered softly to him. "I love you, my dearest little one!", he caressed your hair. "I love you too!", you nodded with a smile, your heart afraid of the upcoming future.

"Kyubei!", Mitsuhide narrated his final plan to his most trusted vassal in your presence who was also taken aback with his decision yet he bows down to follow his lord's request. "I will do everything as you say, I am so thankful of your trust in me, Lord Mitsuhide!", Kyubei replied with tears in his eyes and Mitsuhide placed a hand on his shoulder as a sign of gratitude. Even your heart was filled with happiness as you witnessed the great bond that existed b/w a lord and his vassal.

You and Mitsuhide made passionate love with each other for the last time, well aware that both of you would be separated in the warring times.

The Next Morning:

The rumours spread like a wildfire through Kyubei about Mitsuhide being the mastermind behind the assassination of Oda Nobunaga. Mitsuhide proudly made his way among the fuming vassals towards the dais and sat down with a smirk on his face. You were also sitting among the others in the council room with a properly schooled expression on your face.

"He is the one who plotted the death of our lord!", a vassal shouted with anger. "Yes! I heard that he even shouted after surrounding the Honno-Ji temple that,'The enemy is at Honno-ji!', which obviously meant his enemy was Lord Nobunaga and he intended to kill him", another vassal added his view. "I already knew from the very beginning that he is the traitor in Oda forces!", another voice joined in the discussion. The crowd of vassals were muttering despicable words against him which hurt your heart so much but you knew to stay calm for the sake of Mitsuhide.

Suddenly, a voice cut the tense environment like a knife. "Mitsuhideeee!", Hideyoshi screamed with anger and he was joined by Masamune, Ieyasu and Mitsunari. "Hooooh, another troublemakers, I am not interested in hearing your utter nonsense-", Mitsuhide said with a harsh tone. Not a moment later, a cold steel was placed against his throat by Hideyoshi with trembling hand. Your heart leapt in your throat for a moment there as you took a deep, steady breathe. "WHY?! Why did you kill Lord Nobunaga?! What about your pledge to serve Lord Nobunaga with me together always?! I always cared for you as a friend and you...you completely shattered my trust in you!", shouted Hideyoshi, his voice trembling with anger. Mitsuhide closed his eyes for the brief moment hearing the harsh words, it proved to be more difficult than he thought, you glanced at him and caught him steadying himself for his next move. "It's still unbelievable that you were capable of something so much wilder than I imagined, Mitsuhide", said Masamune with raw anger. "I always admired you as a fellow strategist but I am ashamed today!", said Mitsunari with a disgusted expression. "I treated Lord Nobunaga as my brother and you killed him! I will never forgive you!", Ieyasu spoke, rage clear in his eyes. "SILENCE!", Mitsuhide ordered sharply and in a moment, the roles were reversed, his sword was at Hideyoshi's neck, his hold extremely steady on it.

"If you all don't want your dearest friend and most loved commander to be killed right infront of your eyes now, you will better stand down & accept the fact that I will be the new shogun after Oda Nobunaga!", he said with a cold smile, his eyes staring daggers at everyone present in the council room. Hideyoshi was extremely shocked and heartbroken at his step towards him, as if he was held hostage by a completely different man, not a person whom he cared for and cherished both as a friend & coworker. Your heart broke painfully at the sight that even his closest friends were burning with hatred for him.

There was sheer silence at his command and everyone knew better than to speak a word but a broken & crazy laughter filled with extreme pain was heard. "Enjoy your rule, Mitsuhide Akechi, for I swear upon my loyalty towards Lord Nobunaga that I will kill you very soon & avenge his death!", Hideyoshi said with a determined voice, his eyes reddened with anger, tears streaming from his eyes as he glared at him. "Hooh~I accept your challenge!", said Mitsuhide with a callous smirk on his face. You catched a sad smile on Mitsuhide's face for a tiniest of moment and you closed your eyes & clenched your fist hard enough as your knuckles turned white & took a deep breathe to control your heart from shattering anymore.

"MC, you will move into my castle! You don't need to stay here to bear the pain of his betrayal towards you!", said Hideyoshi directing his pleading gaze at you. "I am not going anywhere! I am the chatelaine of Azuchi Castle and I will follow my duties despite his....betrayal", your heart clenched painfully in your chest to utter the last word. Mitsuhide smirked at you but you could clearly see the pain hidden in his eyes. "MC, but-", Ieyasu tried to convince you otherwise. "It's my own personal wish to be here!", your voice rang out clear to deny any further arguments. Everyone thought that you were so heartbroken by his betrayal that you wanted to distract your sadness by devoting your time in following your duties so they understood & respected your decision. But only you knew, the real reason, you wanted to spend as much time as possible near Mitsuhide before the destiny finally shows it's cruely towards your love as you both shared a silent nod with each other. Everyone glared at Mitsuhide in the council, all the eyes reflecting pure hatred towards him while he sat back down unaffected by the looks of disgust people gave him.

13 Days Later:

Since, Mitsuhide became the shogun after Lord Nobunaga, you were staying away from him in your own room as to not arise suspicions as told to you by Mitsuhide but he always came to meet you everyday without fail once everyone fell asleep. He used to sit down besides you and rest his head on your shoulder and held your hand tightly while his other hand gently stroked your belly with the most satisfied smile yet you could see the pain in his eyes as if he was thanking gods for every moment, he got to spend with you and his unborn child and asking them to give us strength & their blessings. You were overwhelmed with the mixture of emotions whenever you shared this special moment everyday, you felt confused as to feel extremely happy and just let yourself go and enjoy the moment but the pang in your heart told you of the inevitable future that awaited both of you. Despite everything, it was the comfortable silence that you both shared everytime.

"Lord Mitsuhide, urgent news, Lord Hideyoshi along with his forces are on the move to take their revenge on you from his own castle!", Kyubei gave his report to him in the afternoon. Mitsuhide let out a deep sigh and laugh dryly at his words, "I am glad that it is turning out the way I wanted, you impressed me Hideyoshi", as he and Kyubei stood up and went to find you in your room in Azuchi secretly to meet you avoiding everyone on his way.

"Little mouse!", Mitsuhide gently knocked your door as you let him inside as Kyubei guarded your room, he could clearly see the worry in your eyes seeing him in the afternoon instead of late night. "What is the matter, Mitsuhide?", you asked holding his hand.

"I came to tease you for one last time, little one, my time in this world has finally nearing to an end", Mitsuhide said with a soft and peaceful smile looking at you. "Mitsuhide...", a sad gasp escaped your throat, you were not ready to let him go in the mouth of death, you desperately wanted the inevitable future to get delayed just to spend a extra moment with him. His soft smile faltered seeing your sad expression.

He embraced you tightly and kissed you passionately taking your every feeling of love for him to bear the inevitable & severe pain on his final journey towards death. The hearts beating faster, tears and pain of upcoming separation, the desparation of the sharing of warmth as you both clung to each other tightly & the burning love they felt for each other was expressed through this final kiss. "Take care of yourself and our only symbol of love!", said Mitsuhide as he kissed your belly saying his goodbye to the unborn child & giving his blessing by resting his hand on it which made it harder for you to control your tears.

"I am going back to Sakamoto Castle as staying here can put you and our baby in danger & I really want you to stay protected under the watch of Kyubei!", he said gently caressing your cheek as he turned to leave. You embraced him from behind as you cried, "You are worried for me even when you are going away from me forever, I cannot stop you anymore but I want to give you something!", you said as he turned to look back at you. "Take this with yourself!", you gave him the bellflower hairpin you had tied in your hair. Mitsuhide stared at you and the hairpin, surprised.

"This time I give it to you as a promise that I will find you! You will have to hold on!", you said with a strong voice and glassy eyes. "MC, you should stay-" "I want to be there with you in your final moments, please, grant me this final wish, Mitsuhide!", you cried as you kissed the hairpin, secretly praying it to give him all the strength. "How can I deny my little mouse's last request?", Mitsuhide bravely chucked as he gave you one of the most affectionate head pat, accepted the hairpin and tucked it gently near his chest & went outside to meet his fate.

As soon as he went out, you broke down completely, saddened by the thought that the man who deserves all the light in the world is going to submerge himself in the darkness forever and you can't do anything but to see everything unfold infront of your own eyes while Kyubei stayed by your side to comfort you.

Mitsuhide reached the Sakamoto Castle and prepared the people residing to move out and saved their lives as he arranged everything for them quickly even on such a short notice, he didn't let the people panic and saw to their safety. Hideyoshi received the information of Mitsuhide fleeing as he turned his own forces to shift their movement from Azuchi Castle towards Sakamoto Castle. Mitsuhide let himself be an easy target for the forces of Hideyoshi by staying completely unprotected in his own castle. Mitsuhide sat down extremely relaxed in the main hall when the forces of Hideyoshi finally reached the castle.

"SURROUND THE CASTLE!", Hideyoshi ordered his forces. "Spare the innocents! Our target is Mitsuhide Akechi!", shouted Hideyoshi as some of the forces surrounded the castle while the rest of his forces broke inside.

"Kyubei, I am ready!", you said turning towards your lover's most trusted vassal. "Milady! As you wish! You need to be extremely careful as you are pregnant with our lord's child!", said Kyubei in a pleading tone. "Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to my child!", your voice, determined as you caressed your belly. Kyubei nodded in agreement. You both disguised yourself as Hideyoshi's forces to infiltrate the Sakamoto castle. You and Kyubei mounted on the horse as you both made your way towards the Sakamoto castle.

The forces entered the castle and Mitsuhide looks at them with a calm expression on his face. "Hooh~! You all finally made it, Hideyoshi Toyotomi didn't disappoint me!", Mitsuhide said with a cool smirk on his face. "PREPARE TO DIE! TRAITOR TO ODA FORCES, MITSUHIDE AKECHI!", shouted an angry soldier. "Now you all have caught me defenseless so you can do anything you want with me!", said Mitsuhide looking at the forces with a calm expression. The other men tied his hand behind his back and pushed him down on his knees. "Oh my, you are quite harsh!", chuckled Mitsuhide. "SHUT UP!", as he received a tight punch on his face which make him hissed in pain but also made him aware that it's the beginning of torture. He received countless kicks and punches on his every part of the body by each and every person surrounding him which made him groaned in pain still he silently welcomed them all. The blood spilled from his lips and his strength seemed to be leaving him, his entire body was screaming in pain yet he showed a broken smile to his torturers.A torturer finally came with a sword as he stared at the sharpness as it stabs him in the stomach. A painful gasp escaped his lips.

"MILADY! WE MADE IT!", Kyubei shouted as the castle came into their view. You both hurried over towards the entrance the castle. "Please hold on Mitsuhide!", you prayed silently in your heart. You get down and staggered a bit clutching yoir stomach. "Are you okay, Milady?", Kyubei came back towards you to check on you. "I am okay, just show me the way towards Mitsuhide!", you looked ahead as you both made your way to secretly sneak inside the castle.

"Let's see, untill when you can smile that way, traitor!", said a torturer. "Try me...", Mitsuhide replied, his breathing ragged staring at the blood-stained swords and whips. "Absolutely!", said another torturer as he stabbed him in the chest. "MC!", he cried out your name in pain. Suddenly, you felt a sharp ache in your heart as you hurried inside, following Kyubei. Mitsuhide's eyes went wide as his pale blue kimono turned into a colour of crimson red. "Now, finally your head, MITSUHIDE AKECHI!", said as the torturer lifted the sword above his head to give a final blow to him when a gunshot was heard. The torturer fell to the ground revealing you standing there with the bloodshot eyes holding Mitsuhide's rifle. "STEP BACK! Else I will kill everyone present here!", you shouted angrily at all the torturers and they suddenly feared your threatening aura. "MC...", Mitsuhide looks at you standing bravely before him and his expression relaxed, the pain dulling in his entire body.

Hideyoshi entered the castle on hearing the sudden commotion. "MC, what are you doing here?!", Hideyoshi, exclaimed with shock. "MC! What are you saying?! He is a traitor! Stay away from him!", Hideyoshi shouted. "I won't let you all hurt him anymore than you have already done, Hideyoshi, you will have to kill me if you want to take his head!", you shouted angrily, tears rolling down your cheeks. "What?!", Hideyoshi exclaimed, surprised, finally stepping back after seeing the misery of Mitsuhide as he knew he could die anytime. "Get out!", Hideyoshi ordered everyone and he himself went outside of the room turning back to take a glance at Mitsuhide, deep down in his heart, he was saddened that the things turned out this way between them. "Farewell and thank you, my friend Hideyoshi", Mitsuhide thought looking at his back. You handed the rifle to Kyubei quickly without wasting any more moment.

"Mitsuhideeee!", you rushed to him and gently rested his head on your lap and held his hand tightly. "Oh god! There is so much blood...Mitsuhide...", you couldn't control your tears seeing his worsening state, your heart felt the pain as it has been shredded into pieces. "Little mouse...don't cry...please show me...your beautiful smile...I am...weak...to your tears...", your lover raised a trembling, bloodied hand to wipe your tears away as you held his hand against your cheek, your tears falling like rain, wetting his face yet you showed him your most beautiful smile. With his other hand, he took the bellflower hairpin out of his kimono which was tucked safely near his chest and he gave it to you with shaking hands as he smiled gently at you. "You fulfill your promise...", you cried harder as you held the bellflower hairpin covered with his blood blood close to your chest. "It pains me...so much...that..you are...so close...to me...yet I can...not...see your face...", said Mitsuhide as tears rolled down his cheeks. You looked at him and even though Mitsuhide was still looking at you but his gaze was unfocused. You cupped his cheeks and kissed his forehead gently to make him feel your love despite the warmth leaving his body, his hands were always cold but his cheeks were always warm even they were growing colder moment by moment. "Kyu..Kyubei...thank..you...", Mitsuhide coughed out blood. "It's my honor, Milord!", Kyubei replied with a tearful smile. The moment, his heart would stop beating, it would be the end of everything for you, you desperately held his hand.

"I..I thought it would...be easy to say farewell...but...I am...afraid...I cannot...lie to my own heart...when it comes to you...I love you so much...I don't want to part from you....", his voice was so heartbreakingly sad, as tears fell from his eyes and you held him extremely close to yourself. "I love you...you are my hero...", you sobbed holding him to which a small yet sad trembling smile appeared on his face.

"I-I am sorry, my dearest...little......mouse..", his body went limp and his hand fell down at the side as you looked at him to find that through his half-lidded eyes, his golden orbs lost his light forever and a face that always had a teasing and affectionate smile towards you went lifeless. He would no longer wipe your tears, he would no longer tease and chuckle at you, he would no longer give you your favourite headpats, he will no longer embrace you, he would no longer stay by your side, the truth of the reality weighed heavily on your chest.

"Mitsuhide...please...please...call my name...please answer me...", you received no answer. "Mitsuhideee!", you screamed, your heart crying with agony. "Lord Mitsuhidee!", Kyubei fell down on his knees as tears trailed down his cheek. "It is so unfair, why god, why us?", you cried holding his lifeless body close to your chest. "I wish I never knew the pain of separation...", you said as the broken sigh spilled from your lips and you looked down at him. "You have suffered lot, now sleep, my love", you whispered to him gently resting your forehead on his, your tears freely flowing down your cheeks. It reminded you of the moment of his love confession when he smiled at you so beautifully resting on your lap, "I stayed by your side untill the end, didn't I?", you gently asked this question as you embraced him once again.

Kyubei and you together did his last rituals near the Sakamoto Castle on the safest ground and return back to Azuchi Castle. The next morning, the vassals of Lord Nobunaga destroyed the Sakamoto Castle upon hearing the news of Mitsuhide's death after 13 days of his rule. Hideyoshi strongly punished them. Hideyoshi then became the next ruler after Lord Nobunaga and everything return to normalcy, he gained the trust and loyalty of the vassals.

8 Months Later:

Each breathe was a torture without him, you lost your smile, there was not a day when you didn't cry holding your bellflower hairpin. You missed him everyday. The nightmares about the day when you killed a man and Mitsuhide left you forever haunted you till date, the pain was so maddening. You would often stare at the moon which reminded you of his memories and gave you a brief moment of comfort but a pang in your heart told you that those moments will never come again. Other warlords were extremely worried about your degrading health especially Hideyoshi. He had taken a very good care of you but still it seems to him and everyone around that you are a dead person from inside. "She looks so pale, her world has fallen apart since he died...", said Ieyasu with a concerned frown. "No matter how much I try to feed her various delicious food to cheer her up even a little, there is not even a single trace of smile on her lips, I feel so worried for lass...", said Masamune letting out a deep sigh. "She fulfills all her responsibilities as the chatelaine of Azuchi Castle and as a seamstress very well everyday...but not as a human...she acts like a doll...Lord Hideyoshi, I am extremely worried for her", Mitsunari said with a serious expression. "It's all his fault!", Hideyoshi gritted his teeth. "Don't worry, I will try my best to bring the light back in her eyes...", Hideyoshi said as he stood to meet you in your room.

Your heart would always crush further hearing the curses and despicable words, seeing the hatred when your lover's name was taken infront of anyone. That night as you were caressing your belly, the tears fell from your eyes. "No matter if the world curses your father's name everyday, baby, remember that your father died as a hero, he died for the sake of peace of the country, grow and become strong like him and do great things in your life", you said with a very soft tone. At the very same moment, the door slides open suddenly which startled you. You found Hideyoshi standing there expression filled with horror.

"Hi-Hideyoshi...", you were stunned but you composed yourself as you let out a strained smile. "What brings you here?", you asked him greeting him inside. "MC, what did you say about him dying as a hero for peace?", Hideyoshi asked you, his face ashen. Your shoulders twitched involuntarily at his question. "Hideyoshi, please sit down...", you said to him calmly. He obeyed and sat down infront of you, "What are you hiding, MC?", he said with a questioning tone, he was clenching his fists so tighly enough to draw out blood even he were unaware of it. "I am not hiding anything, Hideyoshi, please, you are hurting yourself!", you said averting his gaze from him. "Please tell me the truth, if you ever considered me as your friend, MC...", Hideyoshi said, his gaze trembling, he held your hands. You sighed dejectedly. "Please, don't ask me such questions...", tears started brimming your eyes. "I beg you MC, please tell me...", Hideyoshi said, his voice cracks painfully. "Fine...the truth is...", you narrated him the whole real story behind Mitsuhide's death. His hand flew over his mouth as countless tears spilled from his eyes, his whole body felt the pain of countless thorns striking him. "It...it..was all his...plan...He never betrayed...Lord Nobunaga..?", he asked his question in a whisper, his mind was not able to processed the entire truth, it was too much to bear for him. "You know Hideyoshi, Mitsuhide always held you in high regards...he once told me that...people admire you because you cannot lie or deceive anyone....people love you because you were so trustworthy in their eyes...he believed that he was meant for the shadows while you were meant to walk in the light...", tears rolls down your cheeks remembering his words, your voice filled with emotion. "That self-sacrificing...snake...", Hideyoshi was crying hard after knowing the truth of his dear friend. "This is the reason...you came that day...you knew everything, MC?", Hideyoshi asked. "Yes..I couldn't let him die...in a disgraceful way...completely alone...when you said...you will kill him...he was satisfied...that you will restore...peace in Japan", you said, remembering that day. "Not only...I...I became a villain....if only I didn't....trusted his callous smile...that day...", Hideyoshi clutched his hair, sobbing with regret.

"I am so...grateful...that...you stopped me from doing something unimaginable that day...I am so sorry...I am so sorry for tearing you both apart...", Hideyoshi felt so small before you. Your heart broke at the sight seeing him crying with intense regret. "It's nobody fault, Hideyoshi...we all got caught in the trap in the cruel game of destiny...It was bound to happen...", you said rubbing his back gently trying to comfort him. "I would like you to promise me, one thing?", you asked him gently. "Anything you ask me, MC!", Hideyoshi quickly nodded his head. "You will never tell anyone about anything I told you today, please promise me...", you pleaded him. "What? Why MC?", he asked you, confused. "If the truth came out, it would be the complete waste of Mitsuhide's sacrifice as it will return things to the square one as it was after Lord Nobunaga's death. Huge chaos will happen once again, the emotions of guilt, anger, sadness, uncertainty, fear, panic, hatred will once again spread in the hearts of people. Neither Mitsuhide nor me would ever want something like that to happen ever again", you turned to look at Hideyoshi. "If you want to pay respect to his sacrifice, keep maintaining the peace of Japan by being the honest leader like you are right now!", you smiled after a very long time, encouraging him by resting your hand on his shoulder. "I give you my promise of respecting your and his wishes!", Hideyoshi said with a bright smile as tears rolled down his cheeks. "Thank you!", you smiled holding his hand happily. You both went together to visit Mitsuhide's grave on Hideyoshi's request to pay his respects. "Mitsuhide, you cared for me and respected me so much yet you never told me? You became a true hero.....I am so sorry for hitting you the day Lord Nobunaga died.....I wish I would have held your hand atleast when you died....", Hideyoshi sobbed harder remembering Mitsuhide's sad smile when he left him before dying. "I am so angry at myself for not trusting you, can you forgive me, dear friend? I am so sorry for hurting you with my words, separating you from MC!", Hideyoshi completely broke down infront of his grave as memories of him flashed in his mind. MC comforted him by rubbing his back gently and wiping his tears. "No matter, whether you forgive me or not, I will fulfill your wish untill the end of my life, dear friend!", Hideyoshi said with a bright smile, eyes shining with tears. "Mitsuhide will be very happy right now!", you said with a huge smile, wiping away your tears and resting your hand on his shoulder as you both looked at each other and the sky filled with stars.

Next Month:

The time of your childbirth arrived. You were going through the process of labour while Ieyasu and the midwife assisted you in it. Hideyoshi stood by your side, supporting you by holding your hand as you clutched the bellflower hairpin in your other hand. You were losing all your strength, you were not able to hold it anymore. "MC! Stay awake!", Hideyoshi patted your cheeks lightly forcing you to not lose consciousness. "MC! You can do it! We are almost there!", said Ieyasu trying to encourage you to hold on. "Yes, MC! Don't give up!", said Hideyoshi as he gently supported you. You got a sudden rush of strength as if Mitsuhide was holding the hand in which you clutched the hairpin tightly and you decided to give it your all into giving the birth to your baby holding Hideyoshi's hand tightly. All of a sudden, the melodic cry of a baby filled your ears which made your heart filled with happiness and everyone's face lit up in a huge smile. "It's a baby girl!", Ieyasu said with a very happy smile. "MC! A girl has been born!", said Hideyoshi, crying tears of happiness, gently tapping your cheeks. Ieyasu gave you the baby and you gently held her against your chest kissing her head, "She is beautiful", you murmured, your eyes moist with happiness. "Hideyoshi, please give this hairpin to my baby girl...when she grows up, it will be her lucky charm..", you smiled at Hideyoshi. "But MC, you could always decorate her hair when she grows up....", Hideyoshi started talking with you happily but out of the corner of your eyes, you noticed a bright white light and flash of a pale blue kimono and a fox mask, you focused your gaze and the figure came into view, you knew him, he was Mitsuhide, he looked as beautiful as a snow, he approached you and gently caressed his baby girl's head, "She is like a baby mouse!", he let out one of the most happy and soft smile seeing his baby girl which made your heart sing with delight, he kissed your forehead gently, "Thank you so much, little one, for blessing me with this happiness". "Little mouse", Mitsuhide called you in a very gentle voice extending his hand towards you. "Mitsuhide...", you lifted a trembling hand towards him and held his hand tightly in yours, he embraced you in his arms. "I missed you so much, Mitsuhide!", you cried in his comforting warmth. "I missed you too, my dearest little mouse, you are here with me now...", Mitsuhide gently stroked your hair as you both smiled at each other happily "I have finally caught you, my kitsune!", you giggled happily. "Yes!", he chuckled happily. "MC!", Ieyasu and Hideyoshi screamed, their voices filled with anguish as your hand fell to the side, bellflower hairpin falling to the ground, as you died with a very peaceful smile on your face. "MC! MC! Open your eyes! Please!", Hideyoshi begged you but he got no answer in return. Ieyasu fell silent over the thought that the most cheerful girl lost all her brightness and fell into eternal sleep. "I promise to love and protect your daughter with my whole heart and life!", Hideyoshi cried, holding your daughter gently in his arms and picking up the bellflower hairpin gently. Suddenly he felt the touch of a tiny hand on his face. The baby girl seemed like she was trying to wipe away Hideyoshi's tears and asking him to cheer up. Ieyasu and Hideyoshi were stunned as they looks at your baby girl, they exchanged sad smiles with each other. "An angel has been born!", Hideyoshi declared happily as he looks down at you even though his heart was filled with grief of losing his best, little sister, he prayed to gods for your reunion with Mitsuhide very soon in your next life.

Current Time Period:

You were a talented fashion designer by profession as you were going back home after a long day of work, you were planning to spend it talking with your friends, family, eating your favourite food and pampering yourself . As you crossed past the Honno-Ji temple in Kyoto, your heart would always ache with the pain you cannot describe it in words.

"Why does my heart always ache with pain so much whenever I pass by this location? Why do I feel so sad and happy at the same time, seeing the bellflower? Do I have a some connection with them? What is this feeling?", you wondered as you walk down the road during rain holding your umbrella, lost in thoughts. You didn't noticed as you collided with a detective and your phone fell down. "Oh! I am so sorry!", you both bend down at the same time to pick up the phone. "Are you okay?", he lifted his gaze towards you. "I am okay, I am sorry, I didn't pay attention while walking on the road-", you lifted your gaze towards the man and the time frozed around both of you as the umbrellas slipped from your hand and fell on the ground. "Mitsuhide/MC!", the names fell from your lips before you both realized it. All the memories, you both spend with each other came in a flash and tears fell like rain from both of your eyes. Mitsuhide embraced you tightly in his arms and you hugged him back.

"It's been a very long time...isn't it?", you cried happily in his arms. "Yes, it's been so long, my dear little mouse!", Mitsuhide said with a very soft smile. "I am so glad that I met you again in this life!", you said looking at him with a sweetest smile while he wiped away your tears.

"We were meant to be with each other! If we are bound by fate then I want you to become my light and shine my life once again away from the warring period and please let me by your side forever, will you give me this honour, my dearest little mouse?", Mitsuhide asked you with a very genuine expression holding your hand, the longing reflecting in his eyes for you. "Yes, Mitsuhide, please never let go of my hand!", you nodded your head and embraced him tightly, tears rolling down your cheeks. Mitsuhide nodded with a gentle smile,"You are caught with me in this life, little mouse and if you ever tried to escape me, I will always find you!", he whispered kissing your forehead. You both stare into each other eyes and your lips met in a warm and passionate kiss hiding under the umbrella to mark your reunion. You both smiled giddily at each other and held each other hand in the walk of your love journey ahead yet once again in different time period.

Tagging: @ashaksara and @sophialovesmitsuhide

The end...

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#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikesen mitsuhide #akechi mitsuhide #mitsuhide×reader #ikesen nobunaga #ikesen hideyoshi #ikesen ieyasu #ikesen masamune #ikesen mitsunari #ikesen kyubei #angst #love #separation #heartbreak #happy ending #ikemen series

[aparrotandaqrow]

Hineni

I went to shul for Rosh Hashanah services earlier this week. It was my first time being physically present at shul in 18 months; I was home to finally visit my family. I hadn’t thought I would go to services, since they would be in person, and with the delta variant surging, I didn’t think it would be safe. My dad was slated to lead Musaf services, though, and I dreaded the tension it would bring to have him go to services, in person, on Rosh Hashanah, one of our holiest days, while I stayed home out of a conviction that going would be unsafe. In the end, my father did not lead services, and services were moved outdoors, due to my father needing kidney stones removed (he’s okay) and his replacement urging for safer, outdoor services. We both went, and enjoyed services together for the first time in almost two years.

The rabbis (we have two) both spoke during their sermons on the respective days of the importance of the word “Hineni”--”Here I am.” It’s a word that shows up several times in the Torah, and is the title of a prayer chanted by the person who leads Musaf during High Holy Day services. In the Torah, it is a response to a question, “Ayeka?”--“Where are you?” The prayer is also an answer--as if to say, here I stand before you, in my entirety, hoping to lead my congregation in prayer and repentance. I hope it’s good enough.

In the Torah, God asks Adam, after he has eaten the fruit, “Ayeka?” Adam does not answer, and instead hides. But Abraham, Jacob, and Moses all respond “Hineni” when God calls out to them. The prophet Isaiah declares that when the people turn to deeds of justice to repent for their sins, rather than meaningless self-flagellation, then when the people cry out to God for relief, God too will respond, “Hineni.”

“Hineni” is meant to be an expression of readiness, and of humility before the task. A reassurance that we are present, and committed to help.

When Abraham responds, “Hineni,” it is at the end of a long list of difficult crises, including the banishment of his son Ishmael and his mother, Hagar. The sages, the rabbi pointed out, teach that Abraham did not say “Hineni” with the vim and vigor of someone eager to go into battle, eager to leap into the task. He said it almost reflexively, as easily as a breath. He was present, and simply being present for God’s next task was his default state of being.

The other rabbi spoke about how climate change is a task that calls for us to say, “Hineni.” We may cry out to God in the face of such adversities that climate change will bring, "Ayeka?" But God might respond, "Hineni; ayeka?"

"I am here, but where are you?"

We must be present, we must each see our own role in the fight, and commit to facing it, rather than turning away from the task. Not a single one of us will solve the problem, and most of us won’t live to see it solved, but we can’t desist.

Rabbi Tamar, speaking on the second day, spoke about the pandemic. And how sometimes it feels like each day we have to say, “Hineni,” and keep going. One more day, after well over 500, after hardship upon hardship. One day more. Hineni.

I think this is something many of us Jews perhaps understood innately, and which gets to the root of my confusion and bewilderment at the behavior of many of my non-Jewish peers. Jews know suffering. As the Christians were screaming about Easter gatherings in April 2020, we Jews shook our heads, remembering our Passover Seders held over Zoom, which we had done without question so that we might save ourselves, our relatives, and our neighbors. So many people give up, decide the pandemic is over, and let their guard down. And then cases rise once more. So many people rail and scream against the prospect of another lockdown, insist it’s not fair, and refuse to wear their masks or socially distance.

They’re not wrong, either. None of it is fair. All of it sucks.

But, hineni. Living is struggling, but here I am. Here we are. One more day. Sometimes, this is simply the way of things. All we can do is be present for the immediate task before us, no matter how many tasks we have already been asked to complete. We don’t get to choose to not live a life of suffering; that is merely the hand we are dealt. But we accept it and we move on. We keep fighting. We survive. Hineni.

Some people view each day of the pandemic as a temporary inconvenience, a day stolen from their promised lives of plenty, which will need to be repaid.

I simply view each day as living. This is my life now, until the world changes and it isn’t. Until then, I simply live. My people suffered for millennia; why should my life be any different--so hineni. Here I am.

Every day, when I put on my mask, I perform the ritual. I take the steps that through the magic of science and public health, will protect myself, my loved ones, and the strangers around me.

Hineni. Here I am.

It is both an inhalation, the breath you take before lifting the heavy box, and an exhalation, the sigh of resignation as you go back inside for yet another box.

Hineni.

It is breathing.

Here I am.

When I log in to Zoom for Saturday morning services with my shul, each face staring at me through a small square on the screen, each of us apart, and together only through the internet--Hineni. Here I am.

As I walk the 10 kilometers to my bubblemate’s apartment, so neither of us has to be alone, and later as I walk the 10 kilometers home, each step taking me further away from my past, from the previous month, week, minute of isolation and pandemic hardship--Hineni. Here I am.

I trudge through the snow in the weak light of the setting winter sun, the sun and the snow my only companions for months, my bubblemate thankfully home with her family. A trail of footprints stretches behind me in the empty park, like words of Torah inscribed on parchment.

Each step--hineni.

I am here. I will not vanish, I will not shy from the task at hand. Hineni.

I take another step.

I type the words of my PhD dissertation, my mind and soul crushed by over half a year alone, but determined to finish the work of the past 6 years. My fish swim behind me in the home office I have constructed for myself. Hineni.

My feet pad softly across the concrete in the early morning, a long walk to a long-awaited destination. The nurse plunges the needle into my deltoid muscle, and I exhale through the momentary pain. Hineni. I thank her for being present with me, 14 kilometers and 14 months from home, and now one shot closer to returning. Hineni.

News of the delta variant grows, and Ontario pauses the reopening. The vaccines alone will not end the pandemic, and my trip home will not be the grand reunion I had anticipated.

I put my mask on as I leave, again, like each day before. Hineni.

The pandemic goes on, and so do I. Hineni.

This is what I could not understand, and also what those who screamed, and complained, and refused did not understand.

Each day I perform the rituals. I say the words, and take the steps that one day will end the pandemic. Hineni.

But they do not perform the rituals. They don’t know they’re supposed to say the words. They have been told what to do, but what they were told has changed, and they don’t understand. And I did not know that they do not understand.

When I say, “Hineni,” this is not a language they understand. They don’t know what it means to simply resolve yourself to yet another day, yet another week, another month, another year. To say, “Hineni.”

To not give up.

I thought Minnesotans would understand more than others; that our familiarity with storms would guide us. We know how to hunker down when the sirens go off, to go someplace safe and bow our heads until the storm has passed.

But storms never last; they are temporary. Now, Minnesotans shop at Target without their masks, as daily cases hit levels not seen in Toronto since the worst of the winter surges.

Perhaps if they knew that sometimes, all you can do is perform the ritual, and say the words. To wear your mask, and get your vaccine. To stay home with your loved ones. To say, “I am here. I am present.”

And hope that it will be enough.

That next year will be better.

Hineni.

#jumblr #rosh hashanah #covid 19 #pandemic #judaism

[bridgecheese9]

Sarms Uk

What Are Sarms?

Content

Side Effects Of Sarms.

Blood Sugar Level Degree Varieties.

Iaaf Principles Board Choice: Timeline

Imuscle Sarms Uk Testimonials.

UKAD supplied no aid to Webster, although its very own expert suggested that contamination may have been a concern. Webster was forced to spend his life savings in attempting to uncover the resource of the ostarine, and was approved with the complete 4 year ban for not instantly confessing an ADRV he suggested was not his fault. It would certainly show up that Jimmy has actually been fortunate that USADA was prepared to go above and beyond, and resource its own bathtub in order to sustain his assertion that the supplement concerned included ostarine. Not all anti-doping organisations have taken the exact same technique. British weightlifter Sonny Webster, who competed at the Rio 2016 Olympics, was approved with a four year ban by UK Anti-Doping in December in 2015.

Men are buying potentially risky steroid substitutes online to get the 'ideal body' - The Conversation CA

Men are buying potentially risky steroid substitutes online to get the 'ideal body'.

Posted: Wed, 02 Sep 2020 07:00:00 GMT [source]

What's more, SARMS are consisted of on the World Anti-Doping Agency's Prohibited List as materials that are forbidden at all times, rather than simply in-competition. Nevertheless, this does not always suggest that they are totally risk-free to utilize - as well as doesn't mean that their validity might not be challenged in the future. On on-line forums, customers report strength gains, however they also often consult concerning concerns such as high blood pressure, skin rashes as well as erectile dysfunction. Troubles with eye-sight appear to be especially usual; andarine is reported to provide customers' vision an environment-friendly or yellow tinge. In you can find more information on peptides uk's Australia bpc157 how does it work here. , it is always crucial to keep as much muscular tissue mass as possible during the procedure. The most effective sarms stack combination for cutting would certainly be ostarine (mk-2866), andarine, as well as cardarine (gw ). Rad 140, ligandrol, yk-11, as well as mk-677 are great sarms to pile for bulking, specifically if you're trying to acquire toughness, too.

Negative Effects Of Sarms.

That most preferred stack makes up cadarine, ostarine and also andarine. If you are a newbie or someone who is just getting going with utilizing sarms, then this is mosting likely to be the stack for you. The typical muscular tissue gains for this pile are around 7 to 10 lbs over an 8-week period. Twp 4way represents the supreme done in one sarm stack in a solitary product.

It is extremely advised that drugs like Clomid as well as Tamoxifen are completely understood before taking into consideration. OTC PCT are likewise readily available as well as are much stronger as well as efficient than the older generation used to be. Sadly, the average differs so much with S23 it is hard to give any type of good indicator without a lot of presumptions.

Blood Sugar Level Arrays.

As an enlightened assumption, it most likely would run out somebody's system within 12-weeks and also after a detox. Compared to tablet or capsule steroids SARMs are not methylated and consequently, not toxic to the liver. SARMs adverse effects can differ for each and every type of SARM and is commonly dosage reliant, implying the higher the dose the higher the risk of negative effects taking place.

Differences in ligand-specific receptor conformation and also protein-- protein interactions can result in tissue-specific genetics policy, because of possible adjustments in communications with ARE, coregulators or transcription elements. I made use of one more provider for caps previously however this fluid product is by far remarkable IMHO. SARMs are excellent for individuals that would like to preserve muscular tissues whilst on a cut.

Iaaf Values Board Choice: Timeline

Nevertheless, it's the dose of each careful androgen receptor modulator that matters most, together with the details chemicals used to create it. Sarms are similar to steroids, yet they are not one as well as the same. Both work by binding to your androgen receptors, setting off changes in your dna which boost your muscular tissues' capacity to expand. While sarms do possess anabolic properties, these compounds are ruled out anabolic steroids. In fact, the many benefits of sarms are because of that that sarms are not in fact anabolic steroids.

Later on in the short article we will damage down the prospective side effects for each SARM. Body building Forums can likewise be a wonderful place for some great details; nonetheless, they can also be a terrible location for some amusing fiction based off a reputable research study (A.K.A broscience). Numerous thousands of users across the world record results with marginal or no side effects from several different SARMs. However a smaller sized minority of users have actually experienced some negative effects which vary from person to person as everyone is various. Because of this SARMs may be very efficient for muscle losing conditions such as weakening of bones, AIDS and also cancer cells related losing. peptides-uk information BPC157 Switzerland free trial might additionally end up being a reliable oral male contraceptive treatment. Products and supplements available by Killer Nutrition Online Limited are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any illness or significant disease.

Specifically throughout a caloric deficit, these two sarms can help you keep your muscle mass. Hey there everyone, i feel like i obtained ripped on a sarms three-way stack. I acquired cardarine gw by armed sporting activities nutrition, ostarine by bio nutrition and also s-4 andarine presently on week 5 and do not really feel spunk. Andarine is frequently stacked with lgd-4033, rad-140, sr-9009, yk-11, mk-677 for extra noticable muscle development and also boosted operating. Such stacks permit us to get impressive quantities of lean muscular tissues in a brief period, along with to obtain more muscle mass definiti. With numerous published human trials under its belt, rad-140 is just one of the best-studied sarms. While discussing reducing and bulking, sarms triple stack acquires a stand place that produces anticipated results in an efficient way.

Imuscle Sarms Uk Reviews.

Nevertheless, in the In-Vitro researches YK-11 did bind as well as activate to the AR but was only found to be a partial agonist of the AR. YK-11 did reveal to boost the release of follistatin, which is a crucial protein for muscle mass development as it strongly antagonized myostatin.

The fascination for sarms comes from the theory that they can create results the same to anabolic steroids without the adverse effects. Well, as strange as it appears, a minimum of, part of that holds true. Yet, they show a strong fondness for androgen receptors in bone as well as muscle cells only. This is not the very first time the usa has actually been pushed better to banning sarms. If you're familiar, the sarms manage act made it's method with congress starting as early as 2018. Sarms are similar to steroids in numerous means, so they share a number of the very same adverse effects.

This can or else prove to be quite difficult as it calls for staying clear of squandering muscle. Your PCT can be the difference in between having negative effects and also not. SERMS or Discerning Estrogen Receptor modulators are one of the most widely known unlawful PCT medications due their performance but likewise, sadly, a few of the adverse effects that come with them.

Acquire steroids, peptides and also pct from ausroids welcome to ausroids, your ideal online source for getting anabolic steroids, peptides, and also post-cycle treatment supplements in australia. Sarms are selective androgen receptor modulators which is presently thought about more secure as well as much less hazardous than anabolic steroids. Type sensible, sarms fall into 2 primary classifications, one that is steroidal and the 2nd one is non-steroidals. Steroidal sarms were found about 70 years ago with no usage for human problems except those with dire demands.

What does LGD 4033 do?

LGD-4033 is a novel nonsteroidal, oral SARM that binds to androgen receptor with high affinity (Ki of ∼1 nM) and selectivity. In animal models, LGD-4033 has demonstrated anabolic activity in the muscle, anti-resorptive and anabolic activity in bone, and robust selectivity for muscle versus prostate.

Negative effects of RAD-140 are mostly unidentified due the absence of human tests and was only initial explained in 2010 by Miller et alia, created by Distance Health. It is widely approved that adverse effects are likewise dose reliant. First of all, Cadarine is not a Careful Androgen Receptor Modulator however instead is a Peroxisome Proliferator-Activated Receptor Delta receptor agonist. It is commonly classified or grouped with SARMs from a sales and also advertising and marketing viewpoint. The receptor plays an important role in human metabolic rate and aids regulated genetics that help manage the transport and also oxidation of fats.

Some sarms such as cardarine and also sr9009 are best for cutting, and other sarms such as ostarine and also s4 are versatile, as well as can be used to either burn fat or develop muscle. The beauty of this stack and sarms as a whole is their convenience in just how they can be used to accommodate various desires and goals. I am a solid proponent with the use of the three-way stack due to the fact that it permits an individual to add quality and clean amounts of lean muscle while still being to able to go down body fat. The greatest done in one sarm pile of mk677, mk2866, cardarine & lgd. This stack is excellent for a person who wishes to obtain lean and much more muscular without the healing issues of utilizing hormonal agents.

Drug testing for SARMs is currently typical technique in sports however was unqualified as late as 2016. Ostarine has a half-life of 24-hour or 23.8 hours to be exact nonetheless no study can be found that definitively shows the discovery time.

Ostarine is classed as an anabolic representative by the World Anti-Doping Company, which reported a low 28 unfavorable logical searchings for across sporting activity in its 2016 Screening Numbers Report.

It assists body builders and other athletes make faster gains from their training, with its cutting and also bulking results.

It is a Discerning Androgen Receptor Modulator created as Enobosarm by pharmaceutical business GTX to deal with conditions involving muscle mass wastefulness or osteoporosis.

It additionally increases your stamina as well as muscular tissue mass, increases bone density as well as assists speed the recovery process after intense strength training.

SARMs, or discerning androgen receptor modulators, are medicines that affect muscle development, typically used in the muscle building area.

Piling develops a synergistic method to raising lean muscle mass whilst decreasing body fat.

Wallhead is a UFC competitor, so is regulated by USADA, despite being based in the UK ... Regrettably, none of this aids Jimmy Wallhead, who was blindsided through use of a supplement that really did not checklist ostarine as an active ingredient on the label. Wallhead has actually been authorized to the UFC, which is not a signatory to the World Anti-Doping Code, for concerning 18 months. USADA agreed to run the UFC's anti-doping programme on 1 July 2015, an agreement that was applauded by WADA. Unless you are a chemist or an anti-doping official, the possibilities are that you will not have actually become aware of ostarine. Neither had Jimmy Wallhead, a Ultimate Battling Champion boxer based in Loughborough, UK. Yet he was sanctioned with a 9 month ban after a supplement he had actually utilized was located to consist of the substance. The mechanistic basis of the cells careful actions of SARMs is poorly understood, although a number of systems have been recommended.

4way consists of ostarine, mk-677, ligandrol and cardarine in one item - so you can expect magnificent cause a short timescale, while likewise conserving cash compared to purchasing them individually As well as I VERY SUGGEST THEM, 4 way sarm stack. Discerning androgen receptor modulators are made use of by bodybuilders and powerlifters to maximise fat loss, boost muscular tissue mass, as well as improve body toughness. They are additionally made use of to refurbish injuries, boost muscular tissue as well as bone toughness, and also improve the sense of well-being. Some body builders additionally use SARMs in between anabolic steroid cycles, prohormone cycles, and testosterone cycle for post cycle treatment or as more secure choices to these compounds. Unlike anabolic steroids, which bind to androgen receptors in many tissues throughout the body, private sarms selectively bind androgen receptors in certain cells, but not in others. Discerning androgen receptor modulators-- or sarms for short-- are a relatively brand-new group of medications that have the ability to give every one of the benefits of anabolic steroids without many of the adverse effects.

There is no requirement for healing supplements when using these 2 sarms given that they do not act upon the body the same way hormonal agents would certainly. Despite it being a rather mild sarm, it's in fact truly solid. You will see a great deal of researchers pile andarine with ostarine to produce a synergic impact.

It deserves keeping in mind at a PCT is probably required due to its capacity to lower FSH, LH and Testosterone levels. When S23 was provided to male rats it led to a 100% infertility rate. But the majority of interestingly sperm count went back to normal after ending up S23, as well as rats resumed mating at 100% maternity prices. However, too much S23 created sperm matters to turn around the first result and also supported sperm manufacturing. Because of this we are unable to categorise its impacts and also potential outcomes. YK-11 to start with is not a SARM, take a look at our post on YK-11 for an extra detailed testimonial. YK-11 was regretfully mislabeled as a SARM when as a matter of fact it is a new artificial steroid that has just had actually In-Vitro research studies done on it.

#BPC157 EU #BPC157 Europe #information BPC157 EU #information BPC157 Europe #EU BPC157 how does it work #Europe BPC157 how does it work

[irispublishersmedicaljournals]

Iris Publishers - Current Trends in Clinical & Medical Sciences (CTCMS)

Can Emergency Medicine Become Redundant?

Authored by Andrew Hague

Injury and illness

Injury and illness are the two medical problems. Injury can be sudden and requires emergency treatment. Illness is incremental and treated progressively.

Doctors are role models

Much work is done to prevent illness. We see this in better hygiene, personal and social; washing hands and sanitation. Lifestyle affects health and people are advised on diet and exercise. The equivalent advice from doctors about emergencies and injuries is missing. In all societies, doctors are role models. We all grew up thankful for the attention of a doctor at some stage. They brought us into this life and will see us out. Seldom do they pronounce on politics and although they have a good income are never seen as having more than their fair share of wealth. People respect doctors and this status should be used by doctors to influence behaviour. Doctors, whether they like it or not, are role models. What they say, is influential.

Causes of injury

There are four classes of causes of injury:

4. Misfortune

From the first of carelessness to the last of misfortune, the chance of avoiding disaster gets less which means that a doctor has less influence. Nevertheless, statements by doctors will be heeded and when it is understood that the doctor invites redundancy this advice will be respected. We wish for the same from the police and fire brigades. Indeed, the fire service devotes a lot of effort to inspecting buildings for fire safety. Do the police invest time preventing crime or is that left to the deterrent effect of sentencing and punishment? In many cases, it is hoped that people will be careful to avoid injury but still they turn up at the A&E in pain and talking about accidents. Investigators admit that the truth is there are no accidents, only mistakes that were avoidable.

Consequences

A child has no concept of consequences. Over time, by trial and error coupled to imitation, the process of conditioning adds to the memory bank and the child becomes an adult aware of the consequences of their actions. People who have not acquired this knowledge should be recognized by doctors for their ignorance which will become evident in frequent visits to the clinic. Their teachers will have already identified these people at school as slow learners. It is in these encounters that doctors have a role to play. Interestingly, the accident prone are not always those scoring low in education. There are many explanations for mistakes. The person who does nothing may stay safe but achieve nothing and the ambitious may push the boundaries of sense to explore beyond. This is the consequence of having the brain we acquired when we mutated into homo sapiens.

Carelessness

There is an assumption that tidiness is safer than a mess. Do more accidents happen in a messy or tidy workplace? I do not know but from my own experience and this includes owning a factory for many years, a mess is not the cause of mistakes and tripping over wires. Where there are obvious dangers, people are alert and avoid them. When there is deceptive safety, one’s attention can wander letting the day dreamer trip or walk into a half open door. Our brains are not born to cope with neatness. The cave and the jungle floor are always a tangle and walking depend on watching where to put your feet for every step. Only since manufacturing required orderliness has a clear path become essential. This allows carelessness.

There is the often-quoted story of two mountaineers trying to find their way to the Royal Geographical Society through the back streets of London. These men had climbed the world’s mountains and then one of them tripped over the kerb when crossing the road in London and broke his leg. As a doctor, what can you advise to prevent such mishaps? Obviously, the fellow was safer on Mount Everest than the paved streets of London.

I visit many countries and complain when I cannot drink the tap water and walk at ease in the towns because of the holes in the pavements. However, I do admit that the locals never seem to fall on those pavements and neither did I; I had to watch where I was going. Carelessness is thus a response to a deceptively safe situation. Add some dangers, as our cavemen-forebears expected, and there should be fewer accidents. Modern manufacturing which is as automated as possible has reduced the chances of injury. Earlier methods often allowed the operator to injure themselves.

Working a fly press involves placing the component under the press tool and swinging the handle to bring the tool down with a load of anything from 5 to 50 tons. Repeating this cycle ten times a minute creates a rhythm of complacency. When the left hand moves before the right hand instead of the other way around, the hand can be under the press with disastrous consequences. Later improvements were to install guards; the guard came down before the press. That resulted in some cases of the guard trapping the hand preventing it being withdrawn from danger. The operator had to wait a second, which can be a long time in these circumstances, for their hand to be amputated in one blow.

Eventually, designers arranged for the descent of the press to be controlled by two buttons, one a shoulder’s width away from the other so that both hands had to be on a button before and whilst the press came down. The release of one button would stop the descent of the press and interrupt the cycle. Automatic pick and place machines have mostly replaced human press loading and it is only where labour costs are so low that investment in automation cannot be justified that workers are exposed to dangers. Automation is criticized for creating unemployment.

It increases productivity and safety. Only the setter, the person setting the tools under the press, is in danger when preparing a new tool in the production process. As the setting task is not repetitive with each step having to be thought about, the injuries are fewer. Setters were in danger if someone switched on the machine not realizing there was a person at the back or inside. These calamities not only resulted in death but led to claims of manslaughter incriminating the person who switched on the machine and the employer. The answer was for the setter to isolate the machine and withdraw a key to the control box, lock it and keep the key in his pocket so that the machine remained inactive until the setter switched on again.

Recklessness

This is where we remember the story of the boy cycling around the house and as he takes his hands off the handlebars he shouts, “Look Mummy, no hands”. A few minutes later he reappears and shouts, “Look Mummy, no teeth”. Due to his bravado, he had crashed. The same happens driving cars at speed, playing with knives or generally showing off. The need to be reckless, seen more in youth than maturity, is shuffling into pecking order to find a place in the hierarchy of society. Less skill means more crashes and you slip down the scale of ability. Balance a football on your nose and the crowd will cheer. Humans play these games because they position each person where they can best support the tribe.

Modern society does not depend on physical skills. The computer nerd is today’s leader. When a doctor explains to the children at the local school that fooling about is dangerous, some sense may prevail and lead to fewer injuries. Recklessness will persist because the desire to show physical prowess is innate. With education essential for survival today, the clever ones are revered, and this will influence our species as physical strength and agility is less desirable in the gene pool compared to mental ability. All species adapt to the environment or become extinct.

 The human environment is changed by our own behaviour and we are these days in the midst of an evolutionary shift. The damage we inflict on the environment causing climate change is expected to lead to our extinction. It certainly will but only if it kills us before we kill ourselves by preventing deaths through extended longevity so that adaptive mutations cease. This is a medical emergency beyond the ability of emergency doctors.

Aggression

Lack of fear and aggression goes together. When a wild dog approaches a group, it will sense the meek one who is afraid and attack. This is enabled by the electrical circuits and magnetic fields by which brains operate and is how humans and animals can relate to each other. As a doctor, you will have learned little about this at medical school and yet it is fundamental to behavioural studies and cancer [1]. Aggression is useful in primitive society when dealing with predators, less so in a civilised society. The military employs soldiers trained as commandos, to operate behind enemy lines and, where necessary, kill with their bare hands. Such a person, who can emerge from an assignment and look unperturbed is almost unknown. When the fictional James Bond peals off his diving suit and walks nonchalantly into the bar for a drink shaken and not stirred, he is nothing more than entertainment. The brain does not work that way. An actor can play the role to the cameras but in real life, the adrenalin and tension involved dominates the soldier and, for many of these people, rehabilitation is difficult.

As a doctor, dealing with the effects of aggression, especially when coupled with alcohol and drugs, is a nightmare. To stop it would amount to eliminating those people programmed to be aggressive. Either they find a role in the security forces and we hope they obey the law, or they become useful to organized crime. The doctor will sense these attributes in a young person. I doubt they can be ameliorated. The only way is to direct that person into a role where they can be useful, and the military is an opportunity.

Misfortune

This is being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is little a doctor can do to prevent victims being struck by misfortune. Awareness of danger is everywhere. Entertainment media dwells on buildings exploding, cars flying off the road and rolling down the mountain, jumping out of a plane and landing safely in a haystack. I feel that this awareness diminishes the sense of danger rather than creating risk avoidance.

News programs refer to natural disasters. They are not disasters. Avalanches, earthquakes, floods and forest fires are natural phenomena that have occurred since the earth was formed and will continue after our species is extinct. In many cases, they are predictable and thereby avoidable. Modern weather forecasting can give two days’ notice of a cyclone or hurricane, time enough to move people to shelter. Living on the side of a volcano where the soil is fertile is always tempting but the gases rolling down from the crater can be poisonous and when the volcano erupts the lava is destructive. You don’t need to be a doctor or a geologist to warn of such dangers.

This is where the sober, thoughtful advice of a doctor carries a lot of weight. Every community has its danger areas. It may be the high cliffs, a motorway, a mosquito ridden swamp, places where the unsuspecting can get into trouble. Tell the community leaders. They will listen to you. Fences can be erected at the edges of the cliffs and busy road and the swamp can be sprayed to control the mosquitos. Always present a solution to the problem and be sure you have no relationship with the contractor who will carry out the work.

Psychology

Preventing injuries involves more psychology than physical medicine. Psychology still falls within the skills of a doctor. There is little scope for direct action. The best a doctor can do is influence and advise and it is by being a doctor that notice will be taken of your advice. The inevitable conclusion will be that humans are accident prone and seek rather than avoid trouble. The doctor is then expected to repair the injuries just as a garage would fix a car damaged in a crash.

I have left their hyperlinks in place. The extent that the injuries can be traced back to psychological causes differs. Certainly, a disturbed mind leads to suicide and violence and very likely to road crashes. Many years ago, when I was teaching sociology to an adult college class in which we were studying criminology, I proposed a cure that I still believe is the only cure and is in most cases impossible; the cure for criminality is to sentence the criminal to a good home. Here is a murderer. Please love him. The explanations were made by John Bowlby in the 1960s and earlier. His best-read book is Child Care and the Growth of Love [3]. Only by parental love can a child acquire empathy and be able to pass love on to others. These bonds are essential in human groups and exist in all animals. Recent botanical research adds to this insight by finding electrical relationships between plants. A person who grew up unloved can be expected to not fit into society. They will not accept the common rules of behaviour and be unaware of others’ feelings. Without empathy, cruelty is easy. Should this individual become a parent, the children will also lack bonds.

Doctors will recognize these people and their disruptive, often temporary, families. They are crimes and injuries in the making. What can a doctor do to prevent future mishaps? On the face of it, very little. Most doctors work inside a bureaucracy and there will be no scope for interfering in a patient’s private life, for that it is how it will be perceived. In earlier times, religious leaders would step in, but their leadership has given way to the smart phone screen which cannot love, only excite and provoke. Sociologists call it alienation and anomie; being cut off from society and having no feeling of belonging. If this were the lack of vitamins or a virus infecting the blood, a doctor could and would do something. The affected (instead of infected) patient is equally in need of help but seldom is a doctor seen as the person to turn to. Eventually, it will be the police and their aim are to pass to the courts, then prison. Society offers no cure despite knowing the cause and suffering the consequences. If what cures is medicine, then here we need social medicine. I contend that doctors apply medicine. If it is not the police to become involved, at least it will be the emergency doctor stitching up knife wounds.

Even amongst well brought up people there is a range of temperaments from placid to impetuous. Impatience can cause injury. Think of bad driving or pushing in a queue. Does such an irritable person need a tranquilizer? Theoretically, extreme behaviours could be chemically restricted, a technique sure to cause ethical arguments. People self-administer their personality shift with alcohol in one direction and caffeine in the other. I advise against both drugs, but they are popular. Medically there is no safe upper limit for alcohol. Coffee is fully accepted, approved and big business. Politicians create laws, companies lobby politicians and consumers accept laws. I love coffee, its taste and smell, but I read my own senses, and something tells me to be wary; minimize on coffee. Look after the brain for a healthy body. Anything that affects the brain is dangerous. This does not include listening to Beethoven.

I have little sympathy with addiction because I see it as selfinflicted. More compassionate souls feel sorry for those who cannot stop doing something. In the context of injuries, think of speed and racing. The winner is the one who placed their life most at risk. That is stupid but the audience loves it and next time greater risks will be taken. Confined to a racetrack, only the participants get hurt. On the open road, you and I can be hit. I remember a doctor assigned to a Formula One racing team explaining that every bone in their star driver had been broken at least once. Didn’t that put him off? No, he is addicted, and nothing will stop him. At the end of the line, the publicity was increasing the sales of something.

Trauma Infection

The first action on a trauma patient brought into Accident and Emergency on a stretcher, assuming the bleeding has been staunched by the medics, is to treat with a CellSonic VIPP machine to kill all and any infection. The intense pulses will penetrate to catch germs thrust into the wound. Importantly, stem cells of the right type in the right quantity will be delivered in the blood to exactly the right place by the immune system responding to the pulses. The blood will automatically have more oxygen and growth factors to aid healing. All this can be done before the doctor arrives to inspect the patient.

Professor Richard Coombes, an orthopedic surgeon of Charing Cross Hospital in London always said that CellSonic VIPP machines should be standard equipment in all emergency units. After the wounds and bones have been set, use the CellSonic again to kill any infection. This can be instead of antibiotics or allow a much lower dose of antibiotic. The benefit is saving the patient from developing antibacterial resistance and reducing the contamination of local rivers whereby antibiotics travel through the patient and the sewage system to rivers where fish and surrounding land are contaminated.

Conclusion

Doctors can help to reduce the demand for emergency medicine. It requires an extension of their usual skills into the therapy of psychology and social manipulation. Humans have brains which search for change. In the process, they hurt themselves and each other and call upon doctors in an emergency. If a more placid life is desirable, emergencies will be rare but that is not the current trend. Expect more horrors. To read more about this article: https://irispublishers.com/ctcms/fulltext/can-emergency-medicine-become-redundant.ID.000503.php

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[lunajsstuff]

Happy Birthday to the ultimate pisces Mama in heaven, my mother.

My mother was the ultimate over nurturing pisces mom, wich makes it even more unfortunate that she spent 99% of her life, severely mentally ill, her brain frozen in time at around the ages of 14-16 due to traumatic events, and partially how they handled things back then, northern rural Minnesota about the mid 60s, I'm sure you can imagine how she was treated, everything back then was pretty much the equivalent of a science experiment, and for my mother, it just exaggerated the problem, it would continue on into her 20s when she had me and my little brother, and on into the rest of her life, we didn't understand when we were younger, the things like why does mom have to take a 3 hour shower in scalding hot water and scrub until her skin bleeds? Why will she spend over an hour perfectly straightening the knick knacks in the living room 6 times a day? We later understood that it was severe OCD and anxiety due to her past, there were periods of suicidal rages, and instances where she had built up a plan of what she wanted to do when my dad came home from work, usually go to the store and out to eat ,and if he was tired or had a bad day, she literally would dissolve into a puddle of screaming tears like a 2 year old and would be inconsolable for days, now some people may get the wrong impression about this post, and say it's me talking shit, airing dirty laundry, and they would be so far off. My mother wasn't in control of her mind, she was 100% incapable of controlling her thoughts feelings and emotions, and don't get me wrong, me and my mother had alot of rough years, for one people said a mother and daughter same sign born only days apart, we were too much alike to see past the bullshit, but I always, always, loved my mom. But alot of our issues were created due to her mental illness, and her thought processes, some people will never understand the pain of being around, and watching someone you love suffer, and not being able to help them out of the hole, the worst of course was when my dad died, her entire world exploded, this may sound horrible, please don't take it in a bad way, but, we knew our mother, and by the time those thoughts had been a consideration, we both knew, and honestly felt that she probably would be the first to go, she had health issues, and, we KNEW, she would not survive without him, and when I say that, I mean, for 4 years, 4 YEARS, STRAIGHT, she was 100% inconsolable. Flat out screaming, tears wailing, she lost 30 lbs in a matter of months, she refused to sleep, she refused to go on without him, we were watching her fade away in ultra slow motion,I couldn't watch, we begged her to get help, she refused, but, despite all of these things, my mother in her own way, loved us more than she could possibly explain, even into adulthood she would make us cuddle/hug her and plant kisses on our faces, we always knew she loved us, and for that I'm grateful. I chose those pictures because I felt that they accurately represented her, the ultimate mother and child, and she was ultra feminine as far as her style and taste went, she loved blues and more pastel type colors, almost as if she was stuck in the 80s lol every little tick, or OCD-ness and all, we loved our mom, and we would give anything to have it all back again. I hope she's having a great day up there driving dad nuts lol 😂🥰❤💙💕💜 I really am sorry for the long annoying post, but I guess I just needed to let it out 🤷‍♀️😔😑

[hunter-the-sad-skeleton]

First chapter of my Hlvrv fanfic I’ve been working on since August 24th! Hlvrv and its Gordons belong to @year2000electronics​(Hope y’all enjoy!)

Admin P wandered around, looking in at various AUs that he passed, freezing as he passed one and backing up and looking in. His eyes shrank in panic as he registered what was happening. They may not have been a Gordon, but he would be DAMNED if he let a kid die to a barnacle. Gordon or not, he’d save them from a Bad Ending. Stepping into the AU, he moved swiftly, rescuing the small child from the barnacle.

“Hm…..? Pop pop…? Wh-What are you wearing…? That���s not your usual lab coat…” Justin peeped, shaking slightly.

“It’s alright, Amya, you go on and take a little nap, I have a surprise for you…!” Admin P smiled.

“Okay…wait, hang on, I thought you guys said you got rid of all the barnacles in the lab….” Justin yawned.

“A few just...Slipped under the radar...Plus, you slipped away from the main sector.” Admin P explained.

“Right...I’m sorry, Pop Pop…” Justin yawned.

“It’s alright, dear...Now, take a nap..” Admin P hummed.

“Okay…” Justin yawned, dozing off.

Admin P sighed in relief, returning to the others.

(later, with everyone else.)

While sneaking in, hoping not to get noticed right away, Admin P jumped as a voice peeped up behind him. “P, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! THE BOSS WAS SO WORRIED HE GOT TEMPTED TO GO LOOKING FOR YOU TO MAKE SURE HE DIDN’T GET YOU!”

“Sorry, I needed some fresh air, so I stopped by an au.” Admin P explained.

“And WITHOUT leaving a NOTE?!” Admin F chimed in. “You CAN’T just do stuff like that, P; that’s not how this works!” Admin F added on.

“What are all of you yelling about now?!” Boss sighed, walking out, finally noticing P was back.

“Well….Where have you been?” Boss asked, extremely calmly compared to the other two.

“Okay, so I stopped by an AU or two to get some fresh air-well, as fresh as the air can GET around Black Mesa-And I noticed that instead of spawning OUTSIDE one of the locations, I spawned INSIDE one of the locations. Confused, I took a look around to see what was different, I didn’t see much different, so I was gonna leave. Then, as I was about to leave, I heard a voice-Now, not a voice in my HEAD, if it were that, I’d have freaked out, no, I mean an actual person-” Admin P said.

“Okay, so….What’s that mean? What’s that gotta do with anything?” Admin F asked.

“Well, I searched around a bit and I found-” Admin P said, holding up a glove. “This.” Admin P said, frowning slightly. “It appears he stuck with a theme; Bad endings.” Admin P said.

“Wait, what’s so bad about THIS one? All of their characters are still alive, right?” Admin F asked.

“Not really...I looked a bit more into the AU while hiding somewhere safe around the area I spawned in and realized that one of their characters HAS died.” Admin P explained. “One of the main guards of the group-maybe one of the worst, but still a main guard because they really cared for this one nonetheless.” Admin P added.

“Oh? Really now?” Admin F asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, really.” Admin P nodded. “Anyways, that dead guard was really close to the Tommy of this AU. And Tommy didn’t seem to take their death very well. And ended up using some of his own Dna and some of the deceased guard’s dna to make a tube-clone of sorts-more like a child than anything.” Admin P explained.

“Wow.” Admin C grimaced. “I mean I know I take stuff badly but….Heck!” Admin C winced.

“And the child seems to have um...wandered too far from the main area of this lab.” Admin P said.

“I don’t like where this is goin’.” Admin F stated.

“And uh...Apparently there is a Barnacle in the room this child hid in.” Admin P said. “And I-I-I may or may not….Have uh...Anyways, this is Amya Coolatta!” Admin P said, pulling them out of his coat.

“.......” Admin C’s jaw dropped.

“I’M SORRY, YOU KIDNAPPED A CHILD?!?” Admin F coughed, choking on his coffee.

“Okay, now hear me out! If I didn’t take the child, they were going to die a gruesome death! I saved them!” Admin P defended.

“You made sure to pause their AU, right?” Admin F asked.

“Most definitely, we don’t need an accident happening.” Admin P nodded.

“Good. The others in their AU don’t need to panic.” Admin F nodded.

“Right. I know that that specific Tommy has….separation anxiety, so pausing the AU is a necessity.” Admin P said.

“So….What, do we take care of the kid now?” Admin F asked.

“We’re helping them get their good ending so they don’t get murdered by a Barnacle in the most INHUMANE WAY possible.” Admin P said.

“P, you SCARE me sometimes.” Admin C grimaced.

The group fell silent at the adorable little yawn that came from the child. “C, go get the room ready for them.” Boss said quietly.

“Right away.” C said, nodding and slinking off to go do as he was told.

(The next morning.)

Loverboy slowly got up, tiredly walking down the hall to the lounge. “Good morning, everyone!” Loverboy smiled.

“Morning.” Swap nodded.

“Salutations.” Freeman nodded.

“Good morning, LB!!” Doc grinned.

“Where’s Kittle?” LB Asked.

“Well, I haven’t seen him yet.” Swap shrugged.

“I think he went back to his room.” Freeman suggested.

“Probably! He tends to go there when he needs alone time!” Doc agreed. The four’s conversation was cut off by the sound of a door opening, followed by a shriek of “WAIT, WHAT?!?” which was ALSO followed by fast footsteps into the lounge.

“Ah! There he is!” Doc laughed.

“Good morning, Kit-” LB started.

“GUYS, WHEN THE FUCK WAS THERE A SIXTH DOOR?!” Kittle snapped.

Everyone froze, falling silent. “A…….SIXTH….door?” Swap repeated slowly.

“YES.” Kittle growled.

“I don’t remember there being a sixth door….Gaaasp! You realize what this means, right?!” LB grinned in a way that filled most’s stomach with dread.

“Yeah!! I do!! Someone new’s here!!” Kittle snapped.

“Show me the door!” LB asked gently. Kittle gestured for him to follow, LB following like an excited puppy.

(at the door.) “Here we are.” Kittle said, gesturing at the door.

“Huh….’The Adorabean?” LB said, head cocking to the side in confusion.

“Probably a typo.” Kittle scoffed, going to knock on the door.

“Be gentle! They could still be asleep!” LB warned. Kittle looked at LB as if he was just told not to touch a burning hot stove.

“It’s almost the afternoon, LB. They need to wake up at some point.” Kittle sighed before banging on the door.

Before LB could object, Kittle opened the door, walking in.

“Kittle, wait!” LB called out, hesitantly following him in.

Kittle looked around the room, taking the details in for what they were like. In the room, he found; a notebook, a box of crayons of sorts, some more drawing supplies, a few stuffed animals, a pillow fort, and a small golden retriever backpack. “So she’s….a kid?” Kittle grimaced.

“Kittle, we can’t just barge in!” LB scolded.

“Why’s a room here if we can’t go in?” Kittle asked smugly.

“We need to respect privacy!” LB scolded. The two froze, falling dead silent as a ‘mrrp’ sound was heard in the pillow fort.

“Uh…...actually, I don’t wanna get in trouble, let’s move.” Kittle said, rushing LB out. As the two left and got into the lounge,  Swap noticed the two Gordons returning from the sixth room, raising an eyebrow at the vigor with which they returned. “So?” Swap asked. But before anyone could answer, crying could be heard down the hall.

“HOLD LOVERBOY BACK.” Admin P announced over the intercom.

Swap grabbed Loverboy instantly, holding him back. “No.” Swap said.

“BUT THEY’RE CRYING, SWAP!! THEY NEED HUGS!! AFFECTION!! AND COMFORT!!” Loverboy whimpered.

“Okay, they’re awake...Admin C, please go explain what’s happening.” Admin P said.

“Wait, why not F?” Admin C asked.

“You know exactly why not F, and they’d probably feel more comfortable hearing it from you.” Admin P started. “And don’t use the voice modifier; it’ll just scare them” Admin P whispered.

“Wait, what?” Admin F asked, confused.

“No more questions. Now get moving, C.” Admin P dismissed.

“Fine, fine…” Admin C sighed.

“Alright, everyone, I have an announcement to make.” Admin P announced.

“We are listening.” Freeman responded curtly.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve already guessed, but I found a sixth person to help last night, so I want each of you to meet them one-by-one. One at a time.” Admin P continued.

“Okay! Am I going first? I wanna go first Cause they really need a hug right now!” LB nodded.

“No. I’m very sorry LB, but no.” Admin P declined.

“Now, there is one condition.” Admin P added.

“What’s that?” Kittle asked sarcastically.

“Until all have met the new person, no sharing anything about them. Especially with Loverboy. We know how...Enthusiastic, he gets about new people and we do not wish to overwhelm this new member here due to various mental health problems that they have.” Admin P said sternly.

“Understood.” Freeman nodded.

“10-4.” Swap said seriously.

“Sure.” Kittle shrugged.

“As you wish!” Doc grinned.

“Aww….Fine!” LB agreed.

“Good. We’ll go from the most tame to least, to warm them up to people. Admin C is waking them up right now, so I’m here to choose who goes up first. We’re changing the lineup here though, to add a bit of...FUN to the order. Because children enjoy fun.” Admin P explained.

“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, STOP!! IT’S A CHILD?! LIKE A FULL-GROWN-HUMAN CHILD?!?” Swap exclaimed, looking like he was seconds away from cardiac arrest. “I THOUGHT WE WERE HERE TO FIX ‘BAD ENDINGS’ WHY IS THERE A HUMAN CHILD HERE?!” Swap demanded, suddenly making the entire room fall dead silent, every other Gordon in the room looking just as shocked.

“Um….I feel like we should wait a bit to answer that question.” Admin P winced.

“I DON’T FEEL GOOD ABOUT THAT-THAT MAKES ME WORRIED!” Swap exclaimed.

“It’s fine, anyway, let’s continue. Everyone understand?” Admin P asked.

“Yes.” They all said simultaneously.

“Well, Doc will go first. Doc, head into the new door labeled ‘adorabean’; when you head in, you will be faced with a blank room so that there is nothing that can harm the new subject here. When you interact with the new subject, be as calm and tame as possible, we do not wish to scare them into believing we will harm them; that is not what we are here to do.” Admin P explained.

“Alright, I’ll do my best!” Doc agreed.

“I mean it, Doc. They’re VERY skittish and easy to spook. Plus, their mental health issues could cause a panic attack, which NONE of us are equipped to deal with, especially none of you in the room.” Admin P stressed.

“Okay, okay, okay! I will, I will, I will!” Doc nodded.

“Good.” Admin P nodded. “Now please proceed.” Admin P instructed.

Doc nodded, going into the room.

(In the room.)

Justin waited patiently, staring at the wall, pretty much dozing off into the void, tail swooshing back and forth as though ready to attack something, not noticing the other person in the room. “Hello?” Doc called softly, staring at the feline person that was most definitely NOT a Gordon.

Doc jumped as a whack was heard against the wall. Justin sat back up, shaking their head, realizing what they did. “Ow…” Justin winced.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Doc asked, concerned.

“.....” Justin sat there, staring at him for a moment, processing everything.

Doc stood there awkwardly, realizing he was in absolutely, 100 percent, ZERO danger. But the Kid staring blankly at him made him feel a sense of unease. Did he break them?

“Are you a doctor?” Justin asked suddenly.

“Wait, what?” Doc asked, confused.

Justin walked over casually. “You look like a doctor!” Justin explained. “Or...A mad scientist!” Justin added, tail swooshing back and forth still.

“Oh, uh, yes! People call me Doc!” Doc explained.

“Well, you look like Unca Go-Go, so I’m gonna call you Unca Doc!” Justin grinned, booping his nose, ears and tail perking up instantly out of happiness.

“....Hug?” Doc asked.

Justin’s eyes lit up. “Yes pwease!” Justin nodded, hugging him tightly, Doc picking them up for the hug.

“Whee!” Justin smiled when being pulled into the hug.

“You’re an excitable little fella ain’t ya?” Doc grinned.

“Yep!” Justin giggled. Okay. THAT WAS CUTE. “Oh, you’re just a PRECIOUS little thing!” Doc laughed.

Justin purred, tail sticking upright.

“Okay, Kittle’s going to go next, Doc, please exit the room.” Admin P said over the intercom.

“Okay! Bye-bye, Amya!” Doc waved.

“Buh-Bye Unca Doc!” Justin waved.

Doc walked out, giggling as soon as he was out. Upon spotting this, everyone else was filled with confusion. “Kittle, you’re up next!” Doc beamed.

“....I leave everything to my roommate if I don’t come back.” Kittle said, going to walk into the room.

“Drama king.” Admin P sighed.

“Wait, you have a roommate? Meaning people actually ya know...Like you?” Swap asked, confused.

“OH, BUZZ OFF.” Kittle growled, immediately walking into the room, noticing the emptiness of the room unlike before.

“Hmm….” Justin hummed, staring at the wall, getting ready to pounce with intent.

“Uh….Hell-OH NO!” Kittle yelped, immediately rushing over and picking the child up before they hit the wall.

“Huh? Dad said flight was impawsible...How am I flying?” Justin asked, tilting their head in confusion.

Kittle set them down, jumping away and gripping the wall, shaking slightly.

“Hm? Oh! New person! Hello!” Justin waved excitedly.

“Demon….!” Kittle whispered to himself.

“Are you okay?” Justin asked, worried at the reaction.

“Did I spook you…?” Justin asked, ears flopping down.

“N-No!” Kittle peeped.

(Timeskip later.)

“So your name was….Amya, right?” Kittle asked.

“.........L….Legally…..Yeah…” Justin winced.

“It’s a nice name!” Kittle complemented.

“...Th…….Thanks…” Justin smiled weakly.

Kittle tilted his head in concern. “Are...You okay?” Kittle asked, worried at the response.

“Y-Yeah, I-I’m fine..!” Justin assured weakly.

“...You don’t wanna be called Amya, do you?” Kittle asked gently.

“I…….no…..” Justin frowned slightly.

“Well, what wouldja prefer?” Kittle asked. “Something gender neutral? Masculine? Something less feminine but still has feminine vibes to it?” Kittle added.

“.........Justin…?” Justin asked gently.

“Justin it is! He/him pronouns I’m assuming?” Kittle asked.

“Y-Yeah….If it’s no trouble…!” Justin nodded. “I-If it’s too much trouble, I-I don’t mind she/her pronouns…” Justin added.

“No no, that don’t matter! My comfort don’t matter, yours does!” Kittle said. “Now let’s get ya outta that skirt, I….doubt you’re enjoying that!” Kittle said, standing up and walking over to the closet. “Favorite color?” Kittle asked.

“Uh….Purple?” Justin said, confused.

“Hm….They don’t got any boy clothes in here...all of these are too feminine for your comfort...They DO have a sewing kit though! So….let’s just say it may take a while...Don’t worry, just hang out in this tank top and shorts for a while!” Kittle said, turning away. Kittle started pulling all the materials needed to make a jacket, Justin quickly changing into the tank top and shorts, already feeling slightly more comfortable.

“This is nice….” Justin gasped.

“Okay, I’m gonna sit here and work, PLEASE do not touch the machine, I do NOT need you getting pricked.” Kittle said, sitting down at the sewing machine.

(Thirty minutes later.)

“Okay, time to flip it rightside in to see if the seams worked properly…” Kittle sighed, turning it rightside in. “Yes….it works…! Okay…!” Kittle said, looking at the now asleep child. Kittle quickly slid it on him, smiling as he heard him start purring.

(Timeskip to later in the lounge.)

“He’s been in there a while. Is everything okay?” Swap asked.

“He doesn’t wanna leave.” Admin P replied.

“What?” Swap asked.

“He refuses to leave the room.” Admin P clarified. “This child sparks joy. So he’s refusing.” Admin P added.

“I’ll go grab him!” Doc said, going off.

Doc returned a few moments later, dragging Kittle by the back of the HEV suit. “Come on, Kittle, it’s the next person’s turn.” Doc sighed.

“But-But-But child!” Kittle argued.

“But nothing. Now sit down.” Doc said sternly.

“Okay, but hear me out-” Kittle started. “The child sparks joy!” Kittle finished.

“I know, but everyone else still has to meet them.” Doc argued.

“Swap, it’s your turn. Hurry before Kittle runs back in.” Admin P instructed. Swap nodded, hurrying in.

(In the room.)

Justin played around with a plushie like a cat would, waiting for their next visitor.

“Hello?” Swap called, catching Justin’s attention immediately.

“New person!” Justin peeped, bouncing up onto their feet, still holding the toy in their mouth like a cat.

“uh….Can I see your-your passport?” Swap asked. Justin perked up, running to their backpack and pulling out a small, beaten up notebook, running back to present it to Swap.

“Here it is, sir!” Justin said, opening it to show a poorly drawn variation of a passport.

“..........” Swap was silent while reading over it. None of the writing was legible, which made sense, due to them being a child.

“Is everything in order?” Justin asked, fidgeting with the stuffy from earlier nervously.

“...Yup.” Swap said, handing it back.

“Yay!” Justin squeaked, hugging the stuffy tightly, immediately attacking it again, once they realized what it was.

“So you’re...Amya, right?” Swap asked.

“...............Yeah…...” Justin said hesitantly, still playing with the toy, probably more now.

“Huh……...I can see why Kittle and Doc like you so much.” Swap nodded.

“Yeah! Unca Doc and Unca Kit are nice!” Justin grinned.

“Unca Doc and Unca Kit, huh?” Swap hummed.

“Yeah! Doc’s name is easy to say, but Kit’s name takes too long, ya know?” Justin asked.

“Well, I’m Swap, pleased to meet you.” Swap smiled.

“Nice to meet you, Swap! I’m gonna call you Unca Swap!” Justin giggled.

“That’s….Adorable.” Swap said softly.

“Hee hee hee!” Justin giggled.

“Can I mess with the hat?” Justin asked.

“..........Sure….” Swap said, removing the helmet and placing it on Justin’s head.

“Oooh! Rooomy!” Justin squeaked, running around in a circle excitedly.

Kittle peeked in through the door, taking a photo. Blackmail; GOT.

Justin eventually stopped running around, taking the helmet off and shaking their head. “Whoa...That’s cool!” Justin squeaked, ears now visible.

“...........do you have cat ears?” Swap asked.

“Oh! Yeah! Papa says he doesn’t know where I got them!” Justin giggled. “He thinks it mighta been because he pet a cat!” Justin giggled.

Swap grabbed the helmet, putting it back on. “....Are you human?” Swap asked very quietly.

“I mean….I think? Papa’s human and I don’t know my other dad, so…..” Justin hummed. “I can’t think of any reason for me not to be human!” Justin smiled.

“Ah.” Swap nodded.

“What about you?” Justin asked. “Are you human?” Justin added.

“Um, yes!” Swap said swiftly. Justin raised an eyebrow.

“Are ya sure?” Justin asked.

“Yes!” Swap said.

“Hmm….Okay!” Justin grinned. “Are you SUPERhuman?!” Justin asked, eyes lighting up.

“Super...Human…?” Swap asked, confused.

“Ya know, a-a human with superpowers! Or powers that humans don’t normally have!” Justin explained. “Like shapeshifting! Or flying! Or...Ya know...Stuff like that!” Justin explained excitedly.

“....................Sorta.” Swap said.

“Sorta?” Justin asked, head tilting in confusion.

“I can do this…” Swap said, grabbing Justin with his hair tendril, picking them up by the ankle and lifting them up.

“Whee!” Justin grinned, giggling happily. “That tickles!” Justin giggled.

“Oh, you mean like this?” Swap asked, moving another to tickle their stomach.

“Eee! Ah! I’m under attack!” Justin giggled.

“Alright, Swap, time’s up. Freeman’s up next.” Admin P announced over the intercom.

“Freeman?” Justin asked, squeaking as they were set down.

“You’ll see. See you later, Amya!” Swap waved, walking out.

“Bye-Bye, Unca Swap!” Justin waved back.

“Freeman, you’re up.” Swap called, heading back to the lounge. Freeman nodded, walking in.

Justin was now making a nest out of various blankets and pillows and stuffed animals. “Hello, little one.” Freeman waved.

“I’m not little! I’m a big boy! But hello!” Justin waved.

“Ah. My mistake.” Freeman shrugged. Justin grinned, hopping out to meet him.

“You’re...Freeman, right?” Justin asked. Freeman nodded.

“Indeed. And you’re Amya?” He asked.

“The one and only...!” Justin grinned weakly, nodding hesitantly.

“Pleasure to meet you, Amya. You seem to be a….Joy, to converse with.” Freeman stated.

“You too!” Justin grinned eagerly.

“So what do you like to do in your spare time?” Freeman asked.

“I like to dra-” Justin started, staring at the wall blankly.

“........A-Amya-” Freeman started, getting startled as Justin whacked their head into the wall.

“Dang it, not agaaaaain! Mmm….” Justin grimaced, rubbing their head.

“....heh…..” Freeman chuckled quietly, standing up the child, gently rubbing their head.

“Purrr….” Justin purred, ears going back.

(An hour later)

“Okay, Freeman, time’s up.” Admin C announced.

“Oh! Bye Uncle Freeman!” Justin waved.

“See you later, Amya!” Freeman smiled, walking out.

(Meanwhile, with the Admins.)

“I-I-I-I-I need to go…! I-I don’t know where, but I need to go!” Boss stuttered, turning around on his heel and starting to walk away.

“Awww! I haven’t seen him smile in forever!” Admin C smiled.

Admin F burst out laughing at The Boss’s reaction, resorting to holding onto a table ledge to not fall over.

“What the-” Admin P said as the Boss ran into him. “Are you okay?” He asked, concerned.

“I-I-I-I need to go…! I ju-I just-pbbht!! I just need to go!” Boss said, hurrying out.

“...................What happened?” Admin P asked.

“I’M TOO GAY FOR THIS SHIT!!!” Boss screamed outside the room.

“AH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!” Admin F cackled, finally falling off the table.

“Gordon smiled and Boss wasn’t ready!” Admin C chuckled.

“Ah. The Gay panic. Understood.” Admin P said, then paused, realization hitting him. “ARE YOU SAYING I MISSED HIM SMILE?!” Admin P asked.

“Yep!” Admin C nodded.

“MOTHER-”

“Loverboy, you’re up.” Admin C announced. “Please, do not get too excited when entering the room.” He added.

“Okay!” Loverboy nodded.

“Like, I really mean this; she gets startled REALLY EASILY and either scream or cry if you scare her.” Admin C stressed heavily.

“I woooooon’t!” Loverboy groaned.

“Promise?” Admin C asked.

“Pinky promise!” Loverboy said.

“Okay. You may proceed. CAREFULLY.” Admin C repeated.

“Sounding kinda like an overprotective father there, C! But I will, I will!” Loverboy promised, walking in.

Inside the room, Loverboy looked around for the new inhabitant, not spotting them. Thinking they were hiding, he went to look around, freezing when he heard the sound of something running around in a circle. “Hm? Hello?” Loverboy called out.

Loverboy spotted a small kitten trying to chase its tail on the carpet of the room, tumbling over on occasion. “Oh! Hello!” Loverboy waved. The kitten looked towards him, mewing at him, causing Loverboy’s eyes to light up in happiness. Lb got down on the floor, holding a hand out to the kitten for them to sniff. The kitten sniffed his hand, gently licking it.

“Awwww….!” Loverboy awed. Loverboy gently patted the kitten on the head, getting it to start purring.

“Are you the new guy I was told to meet?” Loverboy asked gently, expecting a response. The kitten started meowing, like, a lot, almost like it was calling out for its mother or something. Loverboy gently picked up the kitten, hushing them to attempt to calm them down.

The small kitten started suckeling on his thumb, showing that they were hungry. Loverboy looked around the room, finding a water bottle, a bottle warmer, kitten formula, and a bottle.

“Huh….Convenient!” Loverboy grinned. Reading the instructions, he started making the formula.

(A few minutes later.)

LB set a heating disc on his lap, putting a blanket over it so as to not burn the kitten on accident and set the kitten on it, putting his hand on the back of the kitten and one of his fingers on their throat to make sure they’re actually swallowing their food.

Afterwards, LB noticed a chart of sorts, noticing that it had time, date, and weight on it. Putting two and two together, LB got up, finding a scale, and writing down the date and the kitten’s weight.

“So you are….273 grams...” Loverboy said, writing down the info required.

LB put the kitten down, gently booping them on the nose. “Tchoo!” The kitten sneezed. LB’s eyes lit up, sparkling in adoration at the tiny sneeze.

“asdfghjkl-Gesundheit!” LB said, stumbling over his words. The kitten yawned, giving LB the signal that they were tired. Shrugging, he put the kitten down, laying down with them, falling asleep alongside them.

(Timeskip a few hours.)

“Okay, LB, that’s good enough. You can leave now.” Admin P announced.

LB slowly woke up, noticing the kitten curled into his side. LB slowly sat up, so as to not disturb the kitten’s slumber.

“LB, get up, we need to get moving, progress has been stalled.” Admin P repeated.

“Aww….Okay!” LB frowned. LB patted the kitten on the head, getting up and walking out.

(With the other Gordons.)

Loverboy walked out to meet the other Gordons, sitting down on the couch. “So? How’d it go?” Doc asked.

“I met a kitten!” LB smiled.

“A humahooha?” Doc asked, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.

“When’d we get a kitten?” Kittle asked, confused.

“What’s a kitten?” Swap asked.

“It’s a small baby cat. Where did it come from?” Freeman asked.

“I don’t know, but it was chasing its little tail and it stumbled and it was just so adorable!!” LB grinned.

“That sounds….Alarming.” Freeman said, raising an eyebrow in concern.

“Uh…” LB started, getting cut off by loud meowing. “Oh! It’s hungry!!” LB said, getting up and rushing to go feed the kitten.

“Okay, Gordons-where did-where’s Loverboy?” Admin P asked.

“He went to go feed the kitten….?” Swap explained.

“Kitten? What-What-What kitten?!” Admin P stammered.

“The one in Amya’s room, apparently!” Doc added. Kittle flinched, recovering as soon as possible, not wanting to clue anyone in on anything yet.

“C, could you go check on Amya, see what’s going on?” Admin P asked.

“Sorry, uh, a little busy at the moment!” Admin C replied.

“Okay, how about you Gordons go check?” Admin P sighed.

“Okay!” Doc nodded.

“Sure.” Freeman nodded.

“Arright.” Kittle shrugged.

“Okay.” Swap nodded.

The Gordons went to the room, leaning in slightly. “You’re a good little kitten, aren’t you?” Loverboy grinned, putting the kitten down. The kitten mewed up at him, as if responding to him.

“Awww! You’re adorable!” LB Grinned.

The kitten purred, rubbing its head against Loverboy’s leg. “Aww….!” LB chuckled, patting them on the head. LB picked up the kitten, the kitten’s limbs pretty much ragdolling in their spot. “Okay, let’s weigh you~!” LB smiled, walking over to the scale to weigh them. “You weigh….280 grams!” LB said, writing down the numbers on the chart.

“You’re a chunk boy, huh?” LB gently teased, scratching them behind the ears, getting loud mews of what seemed to be protest.

“What? Are you saying I’m wrong?” LB asked. The kitten, not mad about getting called chunky, waddled towards LB, mewing loudly as they nuzzled his hand. “Oh?” LB hummed, looking down at them.

“Does someone want cuddles?” LB asked, already gently picking them up, getting happy meows in response.

LB sat down, placing the kitten in his lap, the kitten already kneading in his lap. “Oh! You’re gettin’ all cozy, huh, bud?” LB joked.

The kitten purred, finally settling down in his lap, falling asleep fairly quickly. “Well, guess I’m stuck for a while, huh…?” LB smiled gently.

The other Gordons decided to leave the two alone, returning to the lounge area. “Well? What’s the verdict?” Admin P asked.

“They’re sleeping.” Freeman said.

“Oh?” Admin P asked.

“Yep. Out cold.” Kittle added.

“So her test is gonna be postponed…” Admin P hummed.

“Well, who CAN do their test?” Kittle asked.

“Hm...I...Don’t know...Let’s wait for them to wake up again. That’ll make it easier.” Admin P suggested.

“Right.” Freeman nodded, everyone else following suit in agreement.

(Timeskip an hour later.)

LB woke up to find that the small kitten had turned into Justin, almost instantly hugging them and spewing nonsense, causing a sickening crack to come from the room, startling pretty much everyone who wasn’t in there.

Swap got up, about to run in before Doc pushed him back down. “No. Loverboy probably just gave her a hug.” Doc explained.

Loverboy walked out to the lounge holding Justin’s hand, sitting down on the couch. “Huh? Where’d the kitten go?” Swap asked, confused.

“Oh! He’s right here!” LB smiled, gesturing towards Justin.

“So…..She’s a cat AND a person…?” Swap asked, confused. Freeman looked up from his book, nodding as he closed it and set it down.

“Shapeshifting. Since she’s still a child, however, I’m certain that she can only change into a kitten and gets stuck for quite some time.” Freeman explained.

“Oooh!” Doc said, snapping his fingers as he understood it. “That’s a cool ability, Amya!” Doc complimented.

“Th...Thanks, Unca Doc…!” Justin said, faking a smile.

“I see you two are back.” Admin P said over the intercom.

“Yep!” Loverboy nodded.

“Yep…!” Justin added.

“Excellent. Amya, we’re here to help you get past your ‘bad ending’. To do so, we have spent countless hours researching your AU, researching your ending, everything under the sun.” Admin P started. “We’ve gathered enough knowledge to be able to create a simulatory experience of your bad ending.” Admin P added.

“Ooh…!” Justin gasped.

“BUT!!! Just because it is a simulator does NOT mean there is no danger: it is still your BAD ENDING.” Admin P warned. “You are to be careful. You are to be aware of your surroundings at all times. You are to be ready to scream if needed. You are to be ready to defend yourself. This is still Black Mesa, Amya. It is still inCREDIBLY dangerous. If you get in danger and cannot get out of it, you are to call out for help IMMEDIATELY.” Admin P stressed.

“Oh, okay…!” Justin nodded.

“I mean it, Amya. I don’t want you thinking you can take on something that you truly cannot.” Admin P stressed.

“I will!” Justin sighed.

“Will you?” Admin P asked.

“Yes!” Justin groaned.

“Promise?” Admin P asked.

“Yes! I Puppy promise!” Justin nodded, pretty much melting everyone’s heart.

“Alright. Please proceed through the door.” Admin P said.

“Okay!” Justin nodded, walking through the door.

“I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go do something really quick.” Admin P said.

“Okay, we’ll keep watch for you.” Admin F nodded.

“Good. Make sure it goes according to plan.” Admin P instructed.

“We will.” Admin F nodded. With that, Admin P walked out of the room to go deal with whatever he needed to deal with.

“Be careful!” LB warned.

“I will be!” Justin waved, walking in, door closing behind him.

As Justin walked in, the room turned into the forbidden room at Black Mesa. Justin walked around, looking at the room and observing everything inside. They soon came across a hallway that was empty. They felt nervous for a moment before remembering that it was Black Mesa; they had empty hallways everywhere. They shrugged it off, proceeding forward through the hallway, not noticing the feeling of something wrapping around their leg, thankfully, Admin F noticed and immediately rushed to the intercom to shout into it.

“AMYA, LOOK OUT!!!!” Admin F yelled into the mic, catching Justin’s attention.

“Why’s it grabbing her?!?” Admin C asked, panicking.

“I DON’T KNOW, IT SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DO THAT!! IT SHOULD BE JUST A HOLOGRAM!!” Admin F snapped back, shaking slightly.

“Let go!!!” Justin whined, trying to pull his leg away, grip on his leg only tightening, causing pain to shoot through his leg.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’s going on in there?!” Kittle asked, temper slowly growing.

“SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH THE SIMULATION!” Admin F panicked.

“What is?!” Kittle demanded.

“THE BARNACLE-I-IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PHYSICAL!! IT’S SU-IT’S SUPPOSED TO-IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A HOLOGRAM!!” Admin F explained in a panic.

“So open the door and cut the simulation off!” Kittle snapped.

“I….” Admin F stammered.

“Well?!” Kittle snapped.

“I-I-I can’t…” Admin F said shakily, face going pale and shaking becoming slightly more obvious.

“What do you mean, F?” Admin C asked.

“I-I-I-I-I can’t cut off the simulation or open the door-I-I-I-I-I-I-It won’t let me…!” Admin F stuttered, trying everything he could.

“What…?” Kittle gasped.

“Move.” Swap said, backing up.

“What?” Kittle asked, shaking out of it.

“I. Said.” Swap started, getting a running start. “MOVE!!” Swap yelled, ramming against the door as hard as possible, breaking it down with a loud crash.

“SWAP!!” Kittle yelped.

Swap got up, tentacles already at work to get Justin free. “LET. MY. NIECE. GO.” Swap growled, tentacles prying the Barnacle tentacle off, Swap diving to catch the small child, Kittle quickly grabbing something and throwing it at the Barnacle to kill it.

“Hey, Amya, look at me, look at me.” Swap said, gently guiding Justin’s chin up to look at him. “There you are...I’m here.” Swap said, gently hugging Justin as LB showed him how to earlier.

Justin melted into the hug, sobbing into Swap’s chest, Swap gently patting him on the head. “I was so scared, Unca Swap….” Justin hiccupped.

“I know, I know...It’s okay…” Swap hushed.

(In the Admin room.)

Admin P walked into the Admin room, feeling confusion at seeing C comforting F.

“What happened while I was gone?” Admin P asked, concerned.

“It-something happened and-” F started.

“I can explain, you take a breather.” Admin C hushed. “Someone or someTHING sabotaged the test for Amya and she got hurt because of it.” Admin C explained calmly.

“Oh my! How did she get hurt?” Admin P asked worriedly.

“The Barnacle grabbed her leg and she started fighting to escape which only tightened its grip.” Admin C answered. The two turned to look at the screen focusing on the group, Justin sobbing into Swap as his lower leg was getting bandaged up. “It had an Iron Grip, P.” Admin C frowned.

“Oh my God…” Admin P gasped.

Admin C turned to P, face full of sadness. “We can’t risk her getting hurt again. Her test needs to wait a bit longer.” Admin C said, half begging, half stating fact.

“I…...Agree. She does need time to heal anyway.” Admin P agreed.

(With the others.)

Doc leaned into the room, curious as to what was happening. “Is everything alright?”

Doc froze at noticing that Justin’s lower leg was bandaged and that he was sobbing into Swap’s chest. “It’s okay, kid…” Swap hummed.

“What happened?” Doc asked, worried about the scene before him.

“A Barnacle got ahold of Amya during her test. The grip gave her a nasty injury.” Freeman explained.

“Oh my God...My poor niece..!!” Doc squeaked, running over and trying to  take Amya from Swap to hug her, Swap immediately giving him a glare and a slight growl, immediately causing Doc to back up.

“Indeed.” Freeman nodded sadly.

Swap slowly got up, carrying Justin out to the lounge. “Unca Swap, can I sit with you for a while…?” Justin asked shyly.

“As long as you need to recover.” Swap nodded.

Swap reached the couch, sitting down with Justin in his lap, sweet voicing softly to calm the small one down. Justin eventually fell asleep in that position, curling up slightly. Swap smiled slightly.

“Want me to move ‘em to their room?” Kittle asked, voice a whisper.

“Nah. they’re fine here.” Swap declined.

“Ya sure?” Kittle asked.

“Yeah. I don’t need to get up for anything.” Swap explained. Kittle nodded.

“Well, I’m heading off for bed. Night, Swap.” Kittle yawned.

Swap nodded, waving goodnight as Kittle walked back to his room. Swap gently pet Justin on the head, being careful not to wake him up. It felt weird; he’d barely known the child for a day, yet there was this...Instinct to protect them. He shrugged it off, thinking it would be over in a day.

#Ask to tag #Hlvrv #My Writing #I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG #I KNOW NO SELF-CONTROL- #Hlvrv Swap #Hlvrv Kittle #Hlvrv Doc #Hlvrv Loverboy #eye strain #bright colors #implied child death #implied death #swearing #Justin Coolatta #FEAR.JPEG

[lurafita]

SIM Tony x Peter, part two

I’ll warn you all upfront, I haven’t gotten any better at writing smut, and this chapter has zero. Actually, this chapter doesn’t even have Peter in it. It’s just a lot of introspection into Tony’s character and how I envision he could slowly slip into SIM-mode. You will likely find this pretty boring.

If you are still willing to read, however, THANK YOU VERY MUCH AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

Read the first part here: part 1

SIM Tony x Peter, part 2

He had drunken himself into a stupor after Peter had left first the living room, and then the tower.

Alcohol had always been one of his vices, and admittedly not the greatest coping mechanism. However, no matter how truly stupid, and sometimes even abhorrent, he behaved under its influence, the morning after often brought with it a new insight and understanding for his problems.

As well as a headache. Jesus!

“Jarvis, hangover protocol.” He rasped at the ceiling.

The A.I. complied immediately with the demand, lowering the shutters on every window to dim the natural light in the penthouse, and started the coffee maker in the kitchen.

“You should find some Tylenol in your bedside drawer, Sir.”

Tony blindly grabbed for the bottle after prying the drawer open, and swallowed two pills dry.

“Should I order you breakfast, or would you prefer to further endanger your health by ignoring your basic bodily needs, as usual?”

The billionaire let out a long and tormented groan as he got up from his bed (for which he mentally patted himself on the back. It wasn't often that his intoxicated mind managed to get his drunk ass into an actual bed, before he passed out)

“Remind me to program the sass out of you later, J.”

He wouldn't

“Certainly, Sir.”

Tony slowly made his way across the room, already able to smell the godly brew that was coffee.

“And that's a no for breakfast. But remind me in a few hours to order something hearty from that one restaurant I like. I'm starting on a new project, and I probably shouldn't 'endanger my health' – as you put it – too much before I get to finish it.”

The coffee was too hot and too strong and exactly what the genius needed right then.

“A new project, Sir? Does this have anything to do with Mr. Parker's visit and subsequent departure yesterday? I should caution you on making any rash decisions. Research shows that people are very susceptible to such upon experiencing rejection.”

Tony winced at that, but blamed it on the temperature of the coffee.

“Okay, J, one: we are not calling it a rejection. Peter loves me, he is just too worried that something might happen to me, if we started a relationship. That's not rejection; that's fear. Two: while this may seem rash, my new project is possibly one of the sanest, safest, and best decisions I have made in my life.”

Which Tony actually believed to be true.

No matter how much he wanted to be angry at Peter for the younger man's unwillingness to take that step with Tony, he couldn't.

Peter's rejection (god how he hated that word) might have been a fear based response, but it wasn't a groundless one. Everything Peter had said last night was the truth.

His enemies were deranged and obsessed with making Spiderman suffer.

Tony was vulnerable without the suit, and there had been instances when his technology had either malfunctioned due to outside tampering, or he himself hadn't been aware of any danger or not fast enough to activate his suit.

The losses Peter had suffered due to his superhero alter ego, had left the younger man scarred and traumatized, and Tony could hardly fault him for that.

Arriving in her personal lab (a space he usually loved to share with Peter, but after the events of yesterday evening, the brunette would probably avoid the lab – and the tower as a whole – for a while) Tony had narrowed down three major obstacles that stood in the way of him and his love.

The first was his suit.

Peter was right. Technology wasn't infallible, and Iron Man was due for an upgrade anyway. For years now, Tony Stark had spearheaded any advancements there were in the field of engineering. It was time to take the next step.

A press of a button and a command typed into his holographic interface, brought up the specs of all of his suits. From the clunky and uncomfortable Mark 1, to the sleek nano-technology Mark 75.

The second problem, was the fragility of his human body.

There would be no point in creating the perfect Iron Man suit, if he fell victim to things like illness, infection, or senility. The age difference between him and Peter was another sore spot. Meeting and falling for the Spiderling when Tony had already been in his late 40's was bad luck, because it would leave them with that much less time to spend with each other. Bruce and Peter, both sharing an interest in the sciences dealing with biology, cross species dynamics and mutations, had figured out that the spider bite that had given Peter his powers, had also slowed down the rate of cell decay in his body. They had estimated that the brunette would likely live way past a hundred years. Which meant that he deserved far more than the maybe 30 to 40 years that Tony still had in him. If Tony wanted to be with his Baby Boy for as long as possible, the too short human lifespan was a hurdle that needed to be overcome.

More tapping on the holographic keyboard opened up all the files he had on the Extremis virus. The genius had isolated the cause of it's recipients exploding two years ago, and fixed it. The only reason he hadn't utilized the new and improved Extremis sooner, was that it was one of those 'too powerful for humanity' things, that morally uptight people like Rogers would frown upon. Also, he hadn't felt that he needed it, placing far more trust and value into his suits. Just goes to show, doesn't it? Even Tony Stark was wrong sometimes.

The third major stepping stone were Spiderman's villains.

This was both the easiest and hardest to fix. The easiest way (and quite frankly the one Tony himself would prefer) was to kill them. Again, Peter was right. It didn't matter how many times the spider-themed hero beat them and handed them over into Shield custody, they always found a way out of their imprisonment. And as soon as they did, their main goal was to make Peter pay.

However, Tony also understood why Peter could never bring himself (or allow anyone else) to eliminate them for good.

Harry had been his best friend since childhood, Conners and Octavius had been mentors, and Eddie Brock had been a pseudo older brother. And even disregarding the personal feelings and history that bound Peter to each man, non of them were technically evil.

Harry had been a terminally ill teenager, hoping to escape his father's fate. The serum he had thought would cure him, had molded and messed up his body and mind, akin to someone who had been drugged or brainwashed.

Conners and Octavius had been decent, even honorable, men, who had sought to use their intelligence and research to help people in need. It had backfired and, as with Harry, twisted their minds, and in Conners case, mutated his body.

Brock had simply been unfortunate to be so compatible with the symbiote that Spiderman had managed to resist and fight off. Being bonded to Venom so thoroughly had changed the man.

The fact that each of the four knew who Spiderman was underneath the mask, but had never shared that information with anyone else, had manifested the believe in Peter that somewhere, deep down, their original, good, selves were still alive. That there was still hope for reversing the transformations, restoring them to the men they used to be.

And while Tony thought it naive, he also understood. After all, it was this penchant to hope where others would have long given up, this forgiveness and purity, that had attracted him to Peter in the first place, when they had just gotten to know each other years ago.

So, no. Tony could never make Peter change his stance on his 'No killing' policy, and he didn't want to.

But neither did he want for his love to keep being haunted by the people who had, if anyone were to ask Tony, lost their right to a second chance long, long ago.

Which meant that Tony would just have to deal with them himself.

More holograms popped up, this time displaying all the information that had been gathered on Doctor Octopus, the Lizard, Green Goblin and Venom. Tony zoomed in on the black alien parasite.

And he knew just where to start.

_______________________________________

I thank you all very much for reading and hope you have a wonderful day. Remeber to drink enough water and give yourself frequent breaks if you start getting stressed. Be fair to yourself and treat yourself with kindness, as you deserve no less. Find at least one thing to truly smile about today (and every other day). Also, never be too hard on yourself should you fail at something. Nobody is perfect, and it is often through defeat, that we learn how to overcome many of life’s difficulties.

Tagging: I simply always tag anyone who commented on the last chapter, if you don’t want to be tagged, drop me a quick message, please.

@sassy-starker @momobaby227 @retroxvailles @grimalkinmessor @bbalienbae @deliciousflapbanditfarm @starkersenses @kirakishou @von--gelmini @kaddiisarat

Kaddiisarat for some reason didn’t work? I’m really sorry honey, I tried!

Please tell me if I forgot anyone!

#starker #fanfic #superior iron man #Tony turns superior out of love #spider-man #peter parker #tony stark #mixed up canon #canon divergent #Dark!Tony #love #obsession #turning to the dark side #adult!peter #still a bit of an age gap though #op lurafita

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Carla Tsukinami (Story 03)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! I’m an amateur translator, but I hope you do enjoy it anyway!♡

Place: Violet mansion — dungeon

Carla: ... Poor taste.

Yui: ...Ngh...

Hey...

Carla: These days, your blood clearly got worse than ever. What’s that supposed to mean?

In the past, it was thick and sweet so I enjoyed sucking it.

Yui: That’s...

(It’s said, that the taste of my blood has become bad since I got that fever...)

(It may got different due the lack of blood... or maybe because of my health ...)

(But, my fever is calming down now. Anyway, I should try getting better soon ...)

Carla: It has been reported that you haven’t eaten much recently. Is that the reason for it’s poor taste?

Yui: ... I don’t know. Because, I don’t know the taste of my own blood...

Carla: Then, go and taste it... Nn...

Yui: ...Ngh, wait...

(What did he just do... is that, the taste of my blood?)

...ugh, what

Carla: How is it? It’s actually something you can’t swallow, be honest with me.

Yui: Honeslty, I don’t know...

*Carla backs off*

Carla: Hmph. Human beings really are difficult. They don’t even know the taste of their own blood like we vampires do.

Yui: Vampires...

(So it’s true what I thought, Carla-san really thinks he is a vampire himself)

(He’s actually one of the founders... he usually has more pride than anyone else as a First Blood)

Carla: Even so, you really look pale. You look nothing like when we first met. It's like I’m talking to a dead woman.

Yui: Is that something bad...?

Carla: Yes, that’s probably the reason why your blood tastes horrible... like...

*strange noise*

Carla: Ngh... ugh...

Yui: Carla-san... ?

Carla: ...Don’t worry. I’m totally fine...

Yui: You’re fine — no way.

(It might be... Endzeit! Maybe that’s the illness, Carla-san‘s suffering from!)

(He was worried because my medical condition hadn‘t been calming down, but he had symptoms himself ...!)

Is it painful? Is the pain in your body?

Carla: ...It‘s just a little headache. Don‘t worry about it...

Yui: Hn, head... ?

(So those aren’t the symptoms of Endezeit ... that’s good ...)

(End-of-life disease ... Endezeit. A horrible disease that leads to the death of the immortal founder of the demons)

(I thought the symptoms had progressed ... but I’m relieved they didn’t...)

Carla: ...Why is it, that you worry about my health in the first place...?

Yui: Uhm... because—

Choices

1) — It came to my mind (black)

2) — I’m worried (white) ♡ ♡ ♡

— It came to my mind

Yui: Because it came... to my mind

(If I‘d say that I'm worried, I might make Carla-san angry in his current situation...)

Carla: ...Hmph. Certainly you really must think I‘m a weak person, who can‘t do anything.

— I’m worried ♡

Yui: It's because I'm worried. Is it strange to think that something might happen to you?

Carla: I can’t understand your worries. Why do you worry about me like that?

Yui: That's ... because, I have my reasons...

(I can't even worry about the one I love ... it’s so frustrating)

end Choices

Carla: ...Ngh... ugh... today, it lasts way longer.

Yui: (Today... ?)

Carla: ...Ngh!? Now... prison...

Yui: Prison? Did you see something?

Carla: ... I saw a dungeon. It‘s not here. The woman who was at that place is ...

Who... I don’t know...

Yui: (Dungeon ... women? No way, Carla-san’s mother?)

(It might be true that he remembers something about his mother in a place like this...)

Could it be... are your memories returning!?

Carla: My... memories? Bullshit. I’m not in the mood to get along with your joke now...

Yui: (But he remembered something... ! Will he remember more if I’d talk about his mother here?)

(But... I know it’s a hard memory for Carla-san to remember... I can’t do such a thing...)

Carla: ...Seems like it settled down. No way, I really missed this occasion. I really skipped it ...

Yui: Um ... by the way, is something like this happening more often to you...?

Carla: Why do you think so?

Yui: Earlier, you said "today it lasts longer"... Could you, tell me what’s bothering you...?

Carla: ... You’re annoying

Yui: Ngh, because, after all...

Carla: Every time I take a sip from your blood, my head starts to hurt pretty badly.

But it‘s mostly mild. No need to worry. It’s probably the influence of Eve's blood.

Yui: Every time you drink my blood...

(Every time you come to the dungeon, you really consider getting this painful feeling?)

(Honestly, I didn’t notice at all ...)

(And, even though he knows the pain, he always sucks my blood for becoming the king ...)

Carla: ... Stop with those eyes full of mercy. It overlaps with the sight I just saw ...

Yui: You said there was a dungeon... with a woman?

Carla: That's right. The present figure of yours and her are overlapping ...

It's a rough story. It might just be an illusion that Eve's blood showed me. But—

That woman, I .... I wanted to rescue her from that place. I can clearly feel that ...

Yui: Carla-san...

Carla: My head still hurts. Forget what I just said. I promise, I’ll come back later.

Yui: W-Wait... !

Carla: What is it?

Yui: The woman... in that dungeon... I‘m sure she was strong until the very end...

Because, I’m sure that Carla-san was by her side and supported her in every way he could.

Carla: ...I see.

Hmph, let's not worry about my problems, you still have a fever to deal with.

If you have the time to worry about me, you also could be resting and getting better.

Yui: Carla-san... ?

Carla: ...I’ll come again

*Carla leaves*

Yui: (Just now, Carla-san smiled a little. It was a sad smile, but ...)

(My blood hurts him when he drinks it. He sees mysterious phenomenon and old memories ...)

(Like this, I might be able to recover his memories—)

Place: Violet mansion — living room

Laito: Oh? Carla. Did you go to the dungeon again? I’m kinda jealous.

Carla: I have to take care of Eve‘s illness, but it’s also my duty to overlook the whole situation.

Laito: You know, you don‘t have to be so strict about it. Aren’t you just visiting her because she’s super cute?

Carla: Shut your mouth. Say another thing and I won’t forgive you.

Kou: Well well, don't get angry. I‘m sure I‘m also allowed to taste Eve's blood, aren’t I?

Azusa: Kou, she belongs to Carla, you can’t suck her... we promised that, didn’t we?

Kou: Yea, I understand that.

Subaru: But, is it really okay to keep that woman in the dungeon while she‘s sick?

Carla: She’s completely fine. As I heard from her modulation, it just looks like she is okay.

Azusa: But, it may not be good, if you suck too much of her blood...

Besides, humans are so fragile, that they may actually die ...

Carla: Dying...

Azusa: The other day, you also seemed to be in bad condition. Carla ... take care of yourself, and her.

Because we... and humans are not the same.

Carla: ...

Place: Violet mansion — dungeon

Yui: (... My head, hurts .... and my fever may have returned again ...)

(My body feels hot, but yet the tremors doesn’t stop ...)

Carla-san...

(But, if Carla-san can regain his memories like this... I’ll promise, to try my best...)

(It's so hard, for me to deal with this cold attitude from Carla-san, once again...)

*Yui closed her eyes*

Yui: (... Is someone’s, entering the dungeon? But, I can’t open my eyes anymore ...)

*door opened*

Yui: (Someone really came inside the dungeon... I wonder, who it is...)

Carla: So you still couldn’t get up... is it hard?

Yui: Who... Carla-san...?

(Why is he here? Don’t tell me he actually came to suck my blood again)

(I wonder, if it wasn’t enough for him... but, I can’t even move anymore)

Carla: It thought that it was a sign of Eve’s awakening that your condition got strange. But —

Today, I remembered something strange, and my thoughts changed.

Answer me. Right now, how are you feeling?

Yui: Eh... ? I feel, cold...

Carla: Cold?

Yui: Exactly, I feel cold... My body can’t stop shaking either and my strength is getting weaker...

... That’s why, the heat...

Carla: So you’re saying that the heat in this dungeon is the reason for your cold, is your body not even prepared for such a thing?

Yui: I don’t know, it’s really strange...

Carla: I’m a vampire. Honestly, I’ve never been in close contact with humans.

So I don’t have any knowledge or experiences.

Yui: Ah...

(Yes ... his memories.... his memories are still weird ...)

(If you are the true Carla-san, you should at least know a little about human beings...

(But now, he’s not a founder, he’s a vampire, this situation is really frustrating—)

We humans, are easily getting sick, like getting a fever... you never knew about that, right... ?

Carla: Oh. I wouldn’t have understood if you didn’t tell me.

Yui: I see...

(I wonder if he wasn’t aware of me being ill while I’m in that strange physical condition ...)

*Carla hugs Yui*

Carla: ... Certainly, your body heat really is hot. Even though I don’t feel the uplifting feeling of blood absorption.

Yui: ...Ngh

(Is Carla-san, really holding me in his arms again?)

(He’s not going to suck my blood, he’s being kind ...)

Carla: Your pulse and breathing disorder due the temperature rise .... it means that you really got a disease ...

Even if you eat your meals or sleep, you suffer from that illness. Humans seem more fragile than I imagined.

... No, that’s wrong... I already knew that...

A human being is a devil, an useless animal—

Yui: (... Carla-san’s voice, it sounds so far away...)

(I’m getting warm again, I like this feeling... maybe... I can... sleep now...)

*Yui closes her eyes*

Carla: What’s wrong? ... Did you fall asleep?

No way, you really managed to fall asleep in my arms with such peaceful look on your face .....

Yui: ...Zzz... Zzz... Carla-san....

Carla: ...Humans are really fragile. They are troublesome creatures.

But... I’m not going to lose Eve to anyone else.

#diabolik lovers translation #Diabolik Lovers #Diabolik Lovers game #Diabolik brothers #diabolik #shin tsukinami #shin tsukinami chaos lineage #carla tsukinami #carla tsukinami chaos lineage #carla tsukinami chaos lineage translations #chaos lineage #diabolik lovers chaos lineage #diabolik lovers chaos lineage translation #chaos lineage translation #chaos lineage carla tsukinami translation #laito sakamaki #kou mukami #azusa mukami #subaru sakamaki #otome game #english otome #translation

[rxbodybuilding]

Pumped Up On The Paleo Diet by Yael Grauer The Paleolithic era is the period in human pre-history between 2.5 million and 20,000 years ago. And if you're a veteran to the diet industry, it might seem that the Paleo diet craze is even older than that. The logic behind the diet is simple. Anthropological evidence suggests that pre-historic man was bigger, stronger, leaner, and a lot less diseased, despite being forced to survive without prescription meds, Obamacare, or high speed internet. So diet-wise, they must have been doing something right. And guess what? The diet just plain works, for a lot of people. But while few can dispute that Paleo eating is a healthy approach, some question whether there is anything inherently special about the diet. Critics say it's just a mercenary way to reduce calories combined with a healthy dose of slick marketing: limit your food options enough and you'll lose weight by sheer virtue that you run out of things to eat, especially convenience foods, the nemesis of any dieter. After all, it's hard to rationalize grabbing a caveman-friendly snack from a drive thru window unless you also believe that The Flintstones was a documentary. There's also the matter of pre and post workout nutrition. Prehistoric man certainly didn't have access to the wonderful goodies we've all come to enjoy bracketing our workouts with. How many lifters would want to swap their Surge or Anaconda for a couple of tubers and half a hyena? It begs the question, is a strictly Paleo diet a good idea at all for athletes, or can it be modified into the 21st century, especially for the physique-focused Testosterone reader? "Paleo Solution" author Robb Wolf seems to think so. — Bryan Krahn Rob Wolf, a former research biochemist specializing in lipid metabolism, has gained a cult following with his nutrition seminars and weekly podcast, The Paleolithic Solution. Wolf follows in the footsteps of Paleolithic Diet founder Professor Loren Cordain and focuses on the practical implementation of Paleo nutritional concepts to support fat loss, build muscle, and improve athletic performance. On the lifting side, Wolf is as physically formidable as the cavemen he talks about. He's an NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist, a USAW Olympic Weightlifting coach, a former amateur kickboxer and a former California State Power Lifting Champion. Wolf has worked as review editor for the Journal of Nutrition and Metabolism and is also the author of the Paleo Solution: The Original Human Diet, due out in bookstores on September 10th. Yael Grauer: Let's start by talking about your background. Before you opened your gym, you were studying biochemistry. What made you decide to move from the lab to the gym? Rob Wolf: Well, I knew I loved nutritional biochemistry after doing lab work for 5 years, but I also really enjoyed coaching. I was not sure which one I liked more, so I started a grad program in nutrition and opened NorCal Strength & Conditioning. Six months later, I loved coaching people so much I couldn't stay out of the gym. But the grad program was, well, not so much fun. CSU Chico's Nutritional Sciences program is 100% USDA Food Pyramid and the coursework made me want to lobotomize myself with a blunt #2 pencil. I felt like the annoying kid at Sunday school who always asked a bunch of humanistic questions that pissed off the clergy. So, I focused on the gym and it's been really successful. We were picked as one of Men's Health's "Top 30 Gyms in America." YG: Impressive. So for those who may not know, what exactly is the Paleo Diet? RW: From a scientific perspective, the Paleo Diet is a reconstruction of what's thought by evolutionary biologists to be our ancestral diet. This diet intends to work with our genetics to help us be fitter, stronger, and healthier. YG: So what do people following the Paleo diet actually eat? RW: The cornerstone of the diet is protein, in the form of meat, seafood, and foul; preferably grass-fed meats and wild seafood. Find something that had a face and a soul, kill it, and bring its essence into your being. Fat sources include a nice mix of mono, saturated, and polyunsaturated fats. Modern sources would be olive oil, coconut oil, and fats that we can derive from nuts and seeds and of course, fish oil. Carb sources include loads of multicolored seasonal fruits and vegetables, and tubers like yams and sweet potatoes after hard training sessions. YG: Why would anybody want to eat like that? RW: Our genome, the genetics that make us who we are, evolved over a two to five million-year period as hunter-gatherers. It's now understood that departures in nutrition and lifestyle away from the hunter-gatherer life increases our likelihood for diseases such as cancer, diabetes, neurological degeneration, and autoimmune disorders. YG: Who's the Paleo Diet for, exactly? RW: It's for anybody. What I've seen recently is improvement in elite level athletes, whether we're talking tri-athletes, MMA fighters, or NFL football players. The Paleo diet brackets the athletic realm very well. YG: Does it work for the sick and the aged? RW: The Paleo diet has shown remarkable promise for metabolic derangement, neurological degeneration (including Parkinson's, Huntington's, and Alzheimer's diseases) and autoimmune disorders. We have clinical data on the reversal of osteoporosis and the related problem of sarcopenia (muscle wasting). YG: How can the Paleo diet work for so many seemingly unrelated conditions? RW: The bottom line is that the underpinning of all these diseases is inflammation resulting from a diet and lifestyle at odds with our Paleolithic genetics. The Paleolithic approach is like shotgun art: you blast all angles of the inflammation spectrum. From hyperinsulinemia to managing n-6/n-3 fatty acid, to decreasing intestinal permeability due to grains and legumes. This allows the complex cellular signaling pathways related to prostaglandins, cytokines, and leukotrienes (to name a few) to come back into a healthy and optimized state. This is good, whether you're trying to build muscle or avoid cancer. That's the geeky explanation anyway, but at the end of the day it just works. YG: That's impressive. But why should the physique-minded Testosterone reader give a damn? RW: That's a great question. Frequent Testosterone contributor Dan John has written about the need to evaluate information less from a perspective of intellectual "masturbatory delights" and more from a perspective of "How does this benefit me?" In this case, Testosterone readers are usually concerned with being strong, built, and lean. With a Paleo diet, we consume plenty of protein for growth and maintenance, control insulin, balance essential fats, and reduce gut irritation. This improves digestion and absorption and if you want to get big, does it not make sense to actually absorb your nutrients instead of shitting them out? The net effect is improved nutrient partitioning (energy goes to muscle, not fat) leanness, and decreased inflammation. Bigger, stronger, and healthier; what's not to like? YG: How does a Paleolithic dietary approach accomplish these body composition improvements? RW: The Paleo diet is effective because it works with our genetics instead of against them. YG: No offence, but that sounds an awful lot like Paleo ad copy. RW: Well, think about your genetics like this: We are the result of our mom and dad having a drunken tryst. Well, this is true for some of us, but you get my drift. After this amorous rendezvous by our parents, we arrive on the scene about 9 months later. If we sequence that mixed bag of genes that mom and pops gave us we have what is called our genome or genotype. The story does not stop there, however. Even before birth, our genetics begin receiving signals from the environment which influences how the genes express themselves, and this results in what is called our phenotype. A great example of phenotype is a picture of two identical twins that Professor Art De Vany posted several years ago. (See photo at right.) One is a distance runner, the other a sprinter/thrower. Same genes (genotype), remarkably different environmental stimulus (different training and likely different food choices), and consequently a different phenotype. The Paleo diet causes a phenotypic expression of health and wellness. You can do cool shit when you're healthy and vital. YG: And this relates how to the aspiring bodybuilder? RW: If somebody is looking to gain as much muscle and be as lean as they can, we need a high protein intake (at least 1g protein per pound of bodyweight), good insulin management, good n-3/n-6 fats, and a healthy digestion. The Paleo diet takes care of all this in one fell swoop. We keep systemic inflammation low, maintain good insulin sensitivity, and improve digestion so we absorb more of the nutrients we take in (keep it, don't poop it). YG: Bold claims. What's the evidence behind it? RW: There's not a lack of research in the area; it just depends on what topic you're interested in and how much detail you want to get into. I could provide enough research that it would solve any Testosterone reader's insomnia problems as well or better than a ZMA & Z-12 sandwich. You can start by looking at work by Boyd Eaton, Loren Cordain, Staffan Lindberg, Frits Muskiet, and Pedro Bastos. They've produced mountains of peer-reviewed material on the Paleo diet and evolutionary medicine. YG: There are a number of caveman-inspired diets out there. How is Paleo different from the rest? RW: I'd have to see a specific example of what caveman diet you're talking about, but in general they're all fairly similar. They tend to center on a lot of protein from eggs, fish, meat, chicken, and foul. Carbs from fruits, vegetables, roots, and tubers like yams and sweet potatoes. They tend to uniformly limit or exclude the Neolithic foods including grains, legumes, and dairy. Certain people will allow dairy, but it really depends on whom you're talking to and what kinds of comparisons you're trying to make. YG: I've heard you claim that grains are irritating to the gut. Was agriculture just a huge mistake? RW: This may sound counterintuitive for people to consider, but in biology there's different survival and reproductive strategies. Some plants use a fruit, which is what I call "give a little, get a little." A critter eats the fruit and deposits the seed in a fragrant, toasty-warm, nutrient-dense package some distance away from the parent plant. Biological success! In the case of grains, however, the reproductive structure of the grain is the part we normally eat, and it's a very nutrient-dense structure. It's got protein, carbohydrates, and fat in it, and would be quite a prize for most organisms to eat. That being the case, grains have developed chemical defense mechanisms to prevent them from being eaten. These defenses include lectins like gluten in wheat, zein in corn, and avenin in oats that are high in the amino acid proline, and it makes these lectins tough to digest, allowing them to make their way through the digestive process intact. Once in the intestinal lining, they attach to the microvilli of the intestines and trick the body into transporting the lectin into the body. This creates an immune response that damages the intestines and sets the stage for inflammation, impaired digestion, and autoimmunity. YG: We all can think of people who eat grains and seem quite healthy. Do they have this effect on everyone? RW: Different people are susceptible to these lectins to different degrees, but it's easy to track the effects of grain intake through blood work, even if you don't think they're a problem for you. Grains employ several other items in their chemical weapons arsenal including protease inhibitors and anti-nutrients. In total, these defense systems cause damage to the gut lining and bind valuable nutrients like B-vitamins, calcium, magnesium, iron, and zinc. If we look to anthropology we can see a very clear demarcation in our ancestors: our Paleolithic ancestors tended to be as tall or taller than modern western populations. When our Neolithic ancestors shifted the bulk of their diet to "starchy" cereals they lost an average of 6-9" of height, while suffering from bone malformations and related problems. All these problems are a response on the part of the grains to avoid being eaten by other organisms. Okay, I can hear people passing out and aspirating their Metabolic Drive so I'll leave this topic for now. Just keep in mind; grains do not use the "give a little, get a little" survival strategy like fruits. The appropriate term for grain survival strategy would be "bugger off." YG: Is there anything you think people should eat differently than cavemen? RW: Even though we're trying to use this caveman framework to make informed choices, it doesn't mean we throw the baby out with the bathwater. We definitely keep an eye on information that's coming out of modern sciences to augment what we're up to. Creatine is a great example: creatine definitely improves performance, although you get a lot of it through red meat consumption, there seems to be performance benefits for people who supplement with creatine. YG: When do you think dairy is indicated? RW: Dairy is great if you place a premium on muscle/weight gain. My go-to approach for a mass gain protocol is simply "Paleo plus dairy." There are all kinds of people recommending the same approach; I think EliteFTS is calling it the Mountain Dog Diet. Former NFL lineman John Welbourn has seen remarkable results with his football program combined with Paleo + Dairy. YG: So for building muscle, no grains, no legumes, just Paleo and milk? RW: Yeah, and here are the reasons: • Lots of protein. You need that stuff to grow. • Good insulin control. Partitioning growth into muscle, not your fanny. • Good n-6/n-3 fats. Reduce inflammation. • Good digestion. Absorb it, don't poop it. • Big calories. You still have to eat big to get big. Let's use John Welbourn as an example, a 300-pound, 8% body fat NFL lineman. He's tinkered with just about every kind of protocol you can think of. He's worked with heavy hitters like Mauro DiPasquale and he feels the Paleo plus dairy approach has worked better than anything he's previously tried. He feels better and finds it very easy to gain muscle mass. YG: So no potatoes? RW: You can do white potatoes, cautiously. There are some gut-irritating constituents in potatoes that can be removed by simply peeling them. White potatoes would be better than most grain sources in my opinion, but from a nutritional density standpoint they just don't have a lot to offer. I would lean more towards yams, sweet potatoes, turnips, and stuff like that. You get much more nutritional bang for your buck with those options than you do from white potatoes. YG: Sprouted grains? RW: Well, it's kind of like sprouting cat turds. You start with something that's not really good food, you process it in a way so that it's a little bit better, but grains, sprouted or otherwise, suck when we compare equal caloric amounts of grains versus fruits and veggies. But if you want to sprout cat turds...er, grains, go for it. If you're living in a third-world country and the best option you have is to eat grains because that's all that's around, then by all means sprout them. But if you're in a situation in which you're trying to optimize performance, health and longevity, then you're an idiot to do this. YG: Ouch, strong words! Back in the day, you were a big proponent of the Zone diet. What made you move from the Zone diet to more of a Paleo approach? RW: I would never characterize myself as a Zone guy. While I was working for Crossfit, I had to tow the party line as Crossfit holds the Zone up as the epitome of sports nutrition. I do like elements of the Zone but it goes down some really wacky rabbit holes. The notion that everyone runs best on 40-30-30 macronutrient ratios or that it's more important to weigh and measure crap foods versus free eating quality chow is just crap. YG: So you think the Paleo diet is more effective than the Zone because of food quality? RW: Look, I've worked with thousands of people, and most do better at higher protein and fat levels than the Zone advocates. And when we consider autoimmunity and the connection food quality has on this disease process, it's not possible to weigh and measure your way out of lupus or rheumatoid arthritis, but we're documenting the reversal of these diseases with a Paleo diet. The interesting thing about this however, is although the Crossfit intelligentsia still push the Zone, the vast majority of the Crossfit community follows a Paleo approach that looks nothing like the Zone! Prof. Loren Cordain's book, The Paleo Diet, was released in 2001 and is still currently in the Top 20-30 in health/diet books, but Enter The Zone is nowhere to be seen. Why? People figure out what works best regardless of what hyperbole is spewed at them. YG: Let's talk about your book. It's coming out in September? RW: You bet. The Paleo Solution is due out on September 10, but people can pre-order it on Amazon. The material is an outgrowth of my work as a biochemist and a coach working with thousands of people. I've worked with just about every conceivable situation, and answered an insane number of questions. The Paleo Solution answers those questions while providing the scientific framework for folks to understand 'why.' YG: What kind of material do you cover? RW: Readers will understand digestion, how protein, carbohydrate and fat influence hormones, and how this plays into fat loss, health or disease. They'll understand the significance of dietary fats whether the concern is performance, health, longevity, or making your fanny look good in a bikini. I also go into how lifestyle factors such as sleep and stress influence the hormone cortisol. I even get into basic blood work and what things people should ask their doctor to include to better assess inflammation and health. The book includes a detailed 30-day meal plan and a beginner exercise program. The exercise program is geared to the beginner or someone who is quite de-conditioned but the nutritional info would be helpful for anyone regardless of background. YG: Sounds exciting! Thanks for doing this today Robb! RW: It was my pleasure.

#growxxl #forum

[404pennamenotfound]

Photogenic, Part 1

Arriving on set for your next shoot was no problem. Neither was doing a morning coffee run or filling in as stylist when yours ended up giving birth three weeks early and receiving the call last night. The last minute model swap wasn’t either. What was a problem was your hairstylist, Jon, calling to say he was stuck in New York and couldn’t find a flight out in time to make the shoot. Your boss, Diana - who was her usual chipper, high energy, eccentric self today- took it all in stride, although your eyes about popped out of their sockets at her brilliant suggestion,

“You want me to do his hair?!” Your shock was clear. On top of everything else she wants you to handle this?! Clothing you could manage; Liz had everything prepped and ready to go, until her contractions started intensifying. But hair? You could only manage yours on a good day. Diana simply shrugged it off.

“Well, you’ve already got wardrobe under control, the set’s a simple scene and you know what product does what. I think doing some guys hair would be a simple feat for you.” Diana answers, fidgeting with her camera. “Just use that blue bottle we used on that Men’s Health issue last week. You know, with that gorgeous guy from Wisconsin, what was his name again? Darian? Dustin? No, Dusty! That’s the one!” She continued to ramble as you glanced at your watch.

The rose gold band gleamed in the studio light as you read the time, 7:39 am. Your model was due to arrive no later than 8. Surely you could handle a little product and teasing some guys hair, right?

“Excuse me, are you Y/N?” The rumble of a deep voice startles you out of your thoughts. With a slight jump in surprise, your left hand flies up to your chest, trying to stop your startled heart from jumping out in a panic.

“Son of a nutcracker, you scared me!” You admit as you turn in your heels to find a tall, gorgeous man with bright green eyes staring back at you. “Yes, that would be me.” You voice as you rake your eyes over his frame. No matter what you come back to his eyes. ‘So brilliant’, you think to yourself. He smiles. ‘Damn, even his smile is gorgeous.’

“Great, I’m Charlie, your model.” He lifts his hand and you follow, taking his with your free hand not still pressed against your heart to shake his. Strong, warm and lightly calloused, not too rough. A professional handshake, you smile back at him and meet his eyes.

“Pleasure to meet you, Charlie. I’ve set up a personal space for you until we’re ready to begin prepping for the shoot.” You turn and start for a private room just off set before continuing. “Our hair stylist is caught up in a storm at the air port, so I’ll be filling in for him today, as well as doing your wardrobe. We’ve had a lot of surprises today. If there’s anything you need or if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.” You turn back to him as you talk before motioning him inside the open door to his personal space just past wardrobe and hair.

You watch as he sets down a black backpack that was slung across one shoulder. Placing it on the side of the blue sofa, he starts to remove his black leather jacket next. “Thank you. I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other today then...” You watch his movements as he continues on, unintentionally tuning out as you focus on his blue shirt as his muscles contract underneath it.

You let your eyes fall to his rear as he tosses his jacket over the arm of the sofa, unzipping his backpack. You never considered yourself a butt lady, but here you are being proven wrong. His black jeans fit perfectly as they lead down to fit snuggly over his athletic legs before stopping at a pair of black and white accented Pumas. You finish admiring him and let your eyes lead you back up his frame to see him holding a box wrapped in yellow paper with ducklings on it. ‘What’s with the box?’ Your eyes flicker up to find his eyes set on yours. Your breath catches. ‘Caught.’

“I’m sorry?” You feel your cheeks redden at the realization he caught you checking him out. ‘How unprofessional of me! Get yourself under control!’ He grins as he looks down at the box.

“For Liz, the stylist? I’ve worked with her before and found out she was supposed to be on set today. I was planning on giving this to her but I guess it’ll have to wait.” He finishes, setting the present on the coffee table. You feel your heart do a tumble in awe of how sweet and thoughtful he is to get Liz a present.

“We were very surprised to find out she had the baby yesterday. I’m sure she’d love it if you stopped by to see her, she’s excited to show off her little boy and keeps begging for everyone to come see her.” You reply.

“Y/N! Diana’s locked herself out of the computer again and Ron’s throwing a fit over it.” You turn back to find Trey running over, his lanyard swinging around him with every step before he comes to a stop just behind you. “And we’re having problems with the studios air conditioning and can’t get ahold of their maintenance team.” He adds.

“I told Diana not to touch Ron’s tech and she doesn’t listen!” You vent, turning back to Charlie. You place a pleasant smile on your face as you excuse yourself. “I’ll be back in a few and we’ll start prepping for the shoot. Feel free to wander the set. We have a snack table and beverages in the next room. The restrooms just down that hall.” You point to your left, excuse yourself and start for Diana with Trey trailing behind you, listening to your swears with a grin on his scruffy face.

With a late start your shoot begins. You’ve managed to gain access to the computer systems, remind Diana why she needs to not touch Ron’s precious baby of a computer, calm Ron, adjust lighting and style Charlie. But to everyone’s disappointment, the maintenance crew has yet to fix the air conditioning.

You look on as Diana and Charlie work in the heat. You check the outcome of photos whilst settling background crew issues. You pulled fans to help keep the space cool in the L.A. heat, but it’s hardly making a difference in today’s conditions.

You watch as Charlie models a jacket without a shirt underneath, a concept you never truely understood. ‘Why bother with just a jacket? No one goes around with a jacket and no shirt?’ You may not understand the point in the advertinsing, but it makes for a hot, much appreciated shot. And you quite enjoy watching Charlie work with the lack of a shirt. You almost fan yourself when he ditches the coat all together and stands in a pair of jeans only. ‘At least if I did fan myself it could be blamed for the weather.’

Diana focuses her camera before freezing. A minute later she pulls away from the camera and turns to you looking displeased.

“What is it?” You ask, uncertain. Your eyes wander in a panic. ‘Did I say one of my thoughts out loud again? Did I forget spare memory cards? Is it the lighting? Surely it isn’t the lighting?’ You think, eyes returning to her face.

“Nails.” She whispers, lifting a hand and wiggling her fingers. “I need nails.”

Your eyebrows draw in as you ponder her line of thinking. “Nails? Diana, I don’t think now’s the best time for a manicure.”

“Not for me!” She yells, pointing back behind her to a half n*de Charlie. “Him!”

“What’s wrong with his nails?” You ask, walking over before grabbing his hands and turning them over in yours, inspecting.

“No, no, no. Not his nails.” Diana calls as she looks around her. “I need to see every woman’s nails!” She calls as she grabs the closest female and evaluates her hands. “Nope.” She moves on to the next. “No.” And the next, “No, no, no.” On and on. You drop Charlie’s hands and head over for Diana.

“I can call for a model if you-“ Before you can finish she cuts you off.

“It’ll take too long. I have pretty ladies here, surely one of them has pretty fingers.” She interrupts, moving down the line as you back up to clear space.

“Diana, this is a fashion shoot, I don’t see why we’re veering off c-“

“I was inspired. I want the shot. I’ll personally pay whoever extra for it. I need it.” She flits from woman to woman, never slowing but to cast a glance at their hands. ‘Okay, I guess we’re changing direction.’

“What if we edit them to-“

“No.” Diana states firmly. “No faking it. I want real. I always do real. Give me your hands, Y/N.”

She yanks on your wrists before you can object. Your freshly manicured nails reflect the light above. Diana stops a moment to wipe sweat from her brow before nodding, patting your hand and straightening her back.

“Those will do. Come, Y/N.” She commands. She returns to her post behind her camera. “Loose the shirt, missy. I need bare arms for this. Pull your hair back too. I can’t have those locks disturbing my shot.” She instructs. You come to a stop beside her as she adjusts the camera.

“I have no modeling experience.” Your excuse causes her to tsk. You try again. “I think we should get Clara to do it. I can have her nails ready-“ she stops you with a pointed look.

“I want your hands on Charlie’s chest, now.” Her firm tone makes you realize this is a battle you cannot win. A glance over your shoulder shows a crew member patting away sweat from Charlie as he watches you and Diana. He’s calm, relaxed. You bite your bottom lip as you admit defeat and mentally prepare yourself to touch him. ‘Dont be nervous, he’s a professional, he’s used to it. It’s not like you’ve never touched a man before.’

“Okay.” You turn and strip off your blouse. ‘Let’s get this over with. No shying away.’ You think as you pull your hair back, slightly glad to be just a touch cooler in your black bra, though a little bit self conscious.

After blotting at Charlie’s sweat and checking over you to see if you need any coverage, you both are free to take your places. Approaching behind him, you slowly settle your palms on his chest and hold your breath as the shoot proceeds.

“Trey, adjust the light over there.” Diana voices. You sense movement around you on the set but keep still. “Get a little closer, y/n. Move your hands lower.” Diana instructs. You move your hands down slowly as you shift your feet slightly forward, just a few inches between your face and his back. You feel your hands hit his abs as Diana calls for you to stop. You gulp. ‘Oh my god.’

“Trey, let’s go a little darker. Y/N, I need you just a bit closer, move your legs a bit, I’m catching some interference, you may need to pin your skirt up so it’s hidden.” Diana calls before a pause. “Hell, maybe just strip down to your skivies.” You can hear the smile in her voice. She’s teasing, though you can hear the contemplation in her tone.

“Oh Lord.” You squeak. Another assistant comes up to you and gently adjusts your skirt before helping you move your legs to completely hide behind Charlie. Your chest is now touching his bare back, you feel a slight breeze from a nearby fan hit the backs of your upper thighs. ‘I’m glad I wore cute underwear today.’

The camera clicks, flashing around you. You begin to feel every movement Charlie makes, no matter how subtle. How he slightly twists to one side, an arm adjustment, his abs clenching to give more contour.

“Perfect. Yes. I love it!” Diana rings out between shots. You feel a smile slowly slip into place at the praise. “You guys good?”

“Yes!” Your pitch higher than normal.

“Fantastic. Y/N’s got a light touch.” Charlie glances back with a grin to you. You meet his eyes.

“Oh, well maybe she should dig in. It’d make a great shot.” Diana suggests. Charlie’s grin widens as he looks back to the camera before him. Your eyes narrow. ‘Son of a...’

Your fingertips slowly fall lower on his abs before sinking into his flesh. He gives a light grunt in response. You bite your lip again out of nerves.

“Oh my god, I’m in love.” Diana says as she snaps away. Sweat droplets trail along your skin as the temperate rises, either from the suns changing position or the lack of space between you and Charlie, you can’t decide.

As soon as Diana called it quits, you snagged your blouse from the chair you tossed it on and make your way for the bathroom. Throwing the door open you lock it shut as soon as you clear the frame. Your fingers pull on tissues from the box as you blot away at the sweat sticking to your skin. Your eyes turn up to your reflection in the mirror.

“What the hell?” You wonder aloud to yourself. ‘He’s just a man! Why are you so out of sorts?! You are an adult woman, pull yourself together!’ You have a hard time grasping onto why you’re so attracted to him. Sure, he’s handsome, but you always look beyond the physical. ‘You hardly know him, slow down.’ You continue to lecture yourself as you make yourself more presentable. Finally you decide it’s perfectly natural for a woman to react that way to a man. ‘A well mannered, professional, gorgeous, hot, sweaty, nearly na*ed man...’ You decide you need a cold shower and turn to unlock the door, close down the set and start for home.

But the frustration returns when you catch the all telling grin gracing Diana’s face. She giggles as she packs her camera away.

“You plotter.” You hiss. She full on laughs as you scan the area for open ears or worse, Charlie. All clear.

“I think he liked it. I know I did.” You scowl at Diana as she latches her case shut. You start breaking down the set as she starts for the door. She stops beside you.

“You know, you’re really photogenic.” She says, slipping you a candid photo of you eyeing a blurred Charlie. Your scowl deepens as Diana cackles. She’s almost out the door when a sudden force of air starts surging through the building. “Oh lovely, the air’s on!”

“Really?!” You yell in frustration.

“Perfect timing, right?” You turn to find the man at the center of your thoughts, Charlie. He’s fully clothed now in his black jeans and blue tee. His backpack is slung over one shoulder and his leather jacket is grasped in one hand. You release a puff of air in defeat as you turn to him.

“It was nice working with you.” He holds out his hand again. You switch on your professionalism and take his hand in yours.

“It was a pleasure to work with you. I hope our paths cross again.” Half lie. It was a pleasure to work with him, if only your brain and body would stay professional at all times. You’re uncertain if you’d like your paths to indeed cross again. Dropping your hand, Charlie nods casually and approaches you slowly, looking on around him as he lowers his lips to beside your ear.

“I think they will.” You eye him curiously. He winks before starting for the exit. You turn to watch as he confidently exits the set, presumably never to be seen again.

“I need an ice bath.” You breathe out.

#writing by moose #my writing #writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #story #y/n #fiction by moose #fiction #love #x reader #my crush #crush #charlie matthews #model #modeling #series #part 1

[mongrel-eyes]

Everything I Read in 2019

In total, I read 45 books of my own accord in 2019, and there were probably about one-fourth as many that I started but never ended up finishing. A loose goal for myself (which I formed in the later half of the year as I realized that I had read quite a lot) was to reach 52 books so that I would effectively have one book per week of the year. That obviously didn’t happen, but it’s not something I feel was of great importance. Last year, I read 10 books (I think I may have read a few more than that, but I don’t remember). That was more than all the books I’d read in the past 7 years added together. The past decade has been a rollercoaster, but this final year has brought something of a conclusion, closure, and some healing. It’s the end of one novel of my life - time for the next.

2019 Booklist

The Slow Regard of Silent Things // Patrick Rothfuss

I have read all of the books published for The Kingkiller Chronicle thusfar; however, The Slow Regard of Silent Things honestly trumps both The Name of the Wind and The Wise Man’s Fear for me (and I do not say this lightly because I think both novels are fantastic, and I was practically drunk and grinning from ear to ear after reading “A Silence of Three Parts” for the first time). Auri’s quirks and the way she sees and moves through the world is nearly identical to what I have experienced for much of my life. The first time I read this book, I wept because I saw myself so vividly written in its pages. Though it is short, and I think many would deem it as not particularly exciting or significant, I understand it very deeply. As Rothfuss writes in his end letter: it is not a normal story for normal readers; it is a story for the storytellers and the dreamers.

The Magician’s Nephew // C.S. Lewis The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe // C.S. Lewis The Horse and His Boy // C.S. Lewis Prince Caspian // C.S. Lewis The Voyage of the Dawn Treader // C.S. Lewis The Silver Chair // C.S. Lewis The Last Battle // C.S. Lewis

I grew up reading C.S. Lewis’s stories of Narnia. One of my earliest memories is of listening to an audiotape recording of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I remember exactly where I was in this memory, and the exact sentences of the book being read to me through the car speakers. Narnia has always and will always hold a special place in my heart, and it was good to visit again after such a long time away. Thanks to a variety of health problems which had all but wiped out my long-term personal memories, I remembered only an echo of the enchantment of these books, and when I picked them up again early in the year, I was not disappointed.

Educated // Tara Westover

Educated was a hard book for me to read. It was raw and powerful, and I know a fraction of the pain and circumstance Westover describes. In one portion of the book, she writes that believing you are not hurt is sometimes the way in which abuse hurts you the most. I understood that, and by the end I felt so proud of this strong young woman who challenged her entire world. It wasn’t always pretty or heroic (oftentimes it was ugly and lonely), but it was true.

Bridge to Terabithia // Katherine Paterson

I grew up 10 miles away from the small town which served as the inspiration for Lark Creek. It has been a powerful and significant story in my life from the time I first read it early in 2009. Again, due to failing memory, I only recalled an echo of what it really was. One spring morning, I walked outside, hung in my hammock and didn’t budge until I had read this book from cover to cover. It was like reuniting with a very old friend.

Mortal Engines // Philip Reeve

I became interested in Mortal Engines because of the trailers for the upcoming film that kept showing up for me in Spotify. I was thoroughly warned by the internet to steer clear of the film (I still would like to see it at some point, but I don’t have high hopes), but my friend highly recommended that I read the book. I actually listened to the audiobook recording from Hoopla. Barnaby Edwards is a brilliant narrator, and I loved every minute of it. It was not the kind of story that struck me to my absolute core (personally), but it was powerful and captivating all the same.

Where the Forest Meets the Stars // Glendy Vanderah

I picked up this book because I liked the title, nothing more. It turned out to be a beautiful story of the making of a beautiful family (it also made for a beautiful hardcover). It was unfortunately triggering at one point, but despite that I enjoyed the story and the characters and the cleverness crafted into Ursa’s character.

Perelandra // C.S. Lewis

In the Fall/Winter of 2018, I listened to Out of the Silent Planet on my commutes to and from school. Many years ago (I can’t even remember how long), I had read Out of the Silent Planet but had quite forgotten anything about it other than that the main character’s name was Ransom. After returning to it at the end of last year, I listened to Perelandra in late May. Out of all of books in the Space Trilogy, I found this one to be the slowest and least interesting. However, that is not to say that I did not enjoy the book. Lewis’s descriptions of the world on Venus were riveting and vivid, and listening to and analyzing the debate/war between Ransom and Weston was of particular interest and importance to me.

That Hideous Strength // C.S. Lewis

Following Perelandra, I immediately listened to That Hideous Strength. It surprised me later to learn that this third installment of the Space Trilogy was received with the least positive appraisal of the three. I found it to be my favourite of them all. I see many echoes between this fiction and the reality which we face, and that was somewhat intriguing, frightening, and comforting all jumbled together. I have a theory (or more accurately, a hypothesis) which I refer to as “the mortal gods.” I won’t go into any details of it here, but I felt in That Hideous Strength that C.S. Lewis understood my mortal gods. He just called them by different names.

Night Flights // Philip Reeve

I listened to this book on Hoopla, and though it was short I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about the character of Anna Fang. This story provides details on how she rose to become the notorious Wind Flower plaguing the cities from Mortal Engines.

I Rode a Horse of Milk-White Jade // Diane Wilson

I first read this book when I was younger than 9 years old. Even back then, I loved this book, and when I returned to it this year, I loved it again. I had not even touched it for over 10 years. When I was very young, I had a great respect for the Mongolian nomads; and, of course, since this book brought those people to life, it became and is very special to me.

The Bible (English Standard Version)

Though I was raised in a religious household, I had never actually read the Bible from cover to cover (although I had read the majority of it in bits and parts throughout my life and been lectured on it for countless hours). It took me 3 months to slog through it, but in the end, it wasn’t just slogging. I found that if I put aside everything I thought I knew about this book and read it as if it was historic mythology instead of whatever rigid, legalistic stories and verses I had been led to believe it was when I was younger, it came alive in the way the story of Icarus comes alive every time you read a new rendition or see a new painting. C.S. Lewis described it as “true myth,” and I am inclined to believe that approaching it as “myth” is perhaps the most accurate of all the different ways in which I see people trying to describe or understand it and failing in their attempts to squash a god (seriously, the thought of a god in and of itself is mind-bending if you really stop to think about it) to fit into the tiny boxes of their mortal lives.

The Wanderer’s Journal: A Journey Through the Heart of Hallownest // Kari Fry & Ryan Novak

Saying I loved the game Hollow Knight is an understatement. Of course, when Fangamer announced they would be publishing a wanderer’s journal in collaboration with Team Cherry, I had to read it. I’ve always loved field guide-esque books (specifically, Dragonology), so of course I was especially delighted while reading the journal.

The Hobbit // J.R.R. Tolkien

Previously, I had only listened to The Hobbit as an audiobook. Once. That was over 10 years ago (probably closer to 13 or 15 years). This summer, I finally read the words written on the pages myself. Middle Earth is home to me, and it was good to be home.

The Book of Three // Lloyd Alexander The Black Cauldron // Lloyd Alexander The Castle of Llyr // Lloyd Alexander Taran Wanderer // Lloyd Alexander The High King // Lloyd Alexander The Foundling // Lloyd Alexander

I remember I was in the car with my mom and sister on the way to Nowhere one day. I was reading a book of my own in the back (I have a vague recollection that it might have been from the Redwall series by Brian Jacques) when my mom announced that she had a new series from the library that she wanted us all to listen to together in the car. Initially, I was annoyed because my mom did not always pick out the most interesting of books (there had been occasions where I was bored to tears when she picked something), but I grudgingly gave in. Of course, it was The Prydain Chronicles. I returned to these books this summer and barreled through them within two days (during which I had been excused from work with a doctor’s note due to a curious situation). Middle Earth is home, but Prydain (alongside Narnia) has to be a close second.

Native American Myths // Diana Ferguson

I have held great respect and admiration for the Native Americans and their cultures for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I’ve read books on Norse, Welsh, English, German, Greek, Egyptian, and Sumerian mythology; however, finding good books on Native American mythology seemed almost impossible (at one point I did find a book of Native American myths centered around Raven in a used bookstore but it was 60USD, and while I did want it very much, I was a poor student who couldn’t afford expensive second-hand books). Ferguson’s compilation of myths was fascinating to read. Some of the stories I had heard echoes of before in various places, but Ferguson also provided anecdotes and insights of how these myths were woven into the Native American tribes and cultures. Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed learning even a little bit more about these people whom I have admired since I was a small child.

The Fellowship of the Ring // J.R.R. Tolkien

[ See The Return of the King ]

The Remarkable Journey of Prince Jen // Lloyd Alexander

I started out reading this story expecting it to be one thing, but it turned out to be something else entirely. I had read it before a long time ago and gotten it mixed up with a different story I have been able to vaguely recall but unable to find for 10 years and counting. Jen’s story is captivating and lovely in its own right – simple and enchanting, like a dandelion wish.

The Two Towers // J.R.R. Tolkien

[ See The Return of the King ]

Tolkien and Lewis: The Gift of Friendship // Colin Duriez

Despite having read the vast majority of Tolkien’s literature and a good amount of Lewis’s, I had never read a biography of either of them. I found this biography addressing both authors and their unique friendship. I enjoyed learning more about both of them and how their relationship formed and affected each other’s work.

The Return of the King // J.R.R. Tolkien

[Unlike Narnia and Prydain, I felt I couldn’t lump the titles of The Lord of the Rings together and still maintain the chronological list; therefore, the first two titles received no paragraph, but here is a summary for all three.]

In lieu of how easy it is to just watch Peter Jackson’s film adaptations, it’s easy to forget how deep and rich Tolkien’s writing really is. I can say this with honesty and without judgement, because I forgot too. Relearning the depths of Tolkien and rediscovering why I came to love and live and breathe Middle Earth in my childhood in the first place was powerful and healing for me. If you’ve only watched the movies, you’re honestly really missing out. Yes, Tolkien loves to talk about plants and trees and forests to no end, and maybe that’s not your thing and that’s okay; however, these stories are pure magic – tried and true.

The Raven Boys // Maggie Stiefvater The Dream Thieves // Maggie Stiefvater Blue Lily, Lily Blue // Maggie Stiefvater The Raven King (+Opal) // Maggie Stiefvater

I had tried to listen to The Raven Boys on Hoopla earlier in the year and become bored to tears – the narrator was just that bad and I felt the whole thing was just doomed to become a terrible love polygon. Several months later, a friend encouraged me to give it another try. I did (this time reading it straight from the page), and I was delightedly surprised. I had heard of The Raven Cycle for years but been too scared to pick it up (honestly, love polygons can be terrible things), but I’m glad that this year I finally did.

Carry On // Rainbow Rowell

I heard of Carry On while in the midst of reading The Raven Cycle. I found it to be highly amusing: reminiscent of Percy Jackson, but perhaps with better writing (in my personal opinion; I still have a fondness for Percy).

Comet in Moominland // Tove Jansson

I have seen screenshots of the 90’s Moomin show for years but never bothered to truly figure out where they came from until recently. I learned that Moomin originally came from a book. I thought it would be a picture book, and I was pleasantly surprised when I learned that Moomin actually came from a book book. I found Comet in Moominland to be heartwarming and cute with beautiful illustrations and words that can speak to the oldest soul, despite being a children’s book.

Call Down the Hawk // Maggie Stiefvater

Ronan was my favourite character from The Raven Cycle because I felt I understood him the most, which is a rather amusing sentiment to me on the surface level since I am probably one of the least edgy people you will ever meet. Learning more about Stiefvater’s world of Dreamers was particularly interesting and important to me (dreams have always been important to me, and dreams have shaped a good part of my life, actually). Chapter 3 (starts on page 19 of the hardcover copy) was very much like reading The Slow Regard of Silent Things for me: I understood, and I felt understood.

Tales from Moominvalley // Tove Jansson

A collection of cute short stories from Jansson’s Moomins. These were amusing, but at this point Moomins are important to me, so the book was very special all the same.

Six of Crows // Leigh Bardugo Crooked Kingdom // Leigh Bardugo

Six of Crows is a significant book to me. I remember when it was first published in 2015. I heard of it and immediately wanted to read it; however, there were many circumstances and unfortunate happenings which led to me not being able to read it until this year. The duology is now ranked among the stories which made me. To me, it’s a victory song.

The Moomins and the Great Flood // Tove Jansson

I had heard talk of the Great Flood in Comet in Moominland and been slightly confused from it being out of context. This book provided the context for this flood and is somewhat of a prequel to the rest of the Moomin books. As always, it’s a cute story with wonderful illustrations.

Shadow and Bone // Leigh Bardugo Siege and Storm // Leigh Bardugo Ruin and Rising // Leigh Bardugo

After finishing the Six of Crows duology, I learned that it was actually a sequel series to Bardugo’s Shadow and Bone trilogy. I finished Ruin and Rising last night and while I didn’t enjoy the trilogy as much as Six of Crows, it provided context for some of the characters featured in the duology, and I enjoyed the characters of Alina and Mal as well as learning more about Bardugo’s Grishaverse.

Other Reading

For school, continuing education, etc… Basically stuff I was compelled to read in one way or another.

Gilgamesh (English version by N.K. Sanders)

“The sleeping and the dead, how alike they are, they are like a painted death.”

The Song of Roland (translated and with an introduction by Robert Harrison)

I’d read this long ago, and re-reading it would have been a better experience if I wasn’t being pressed into writing a paper about it for a professor who was Machiavellian in behaviour but only intelligent in his own pride (these are gentle words).

The Prince // Niccolò Machiavelli

I seriously hate this guy.

The Importance of Being Earnest: A Trivial Comedy for Serious People // Oscar Wilde

I read this for a compare-contrast essay between the original play and the 2002 film adaptation. I thought it would be annoying and tedious to re-read, but I actually enjoyed it because the professor was simply a delight to work with.

A General Introduction to the Bible // Norman L. Geisler and William E. Nix (8th printing, 1975)

I’ve always been interested in how the Bible came to be compiled because almost no one talks about it (asking questions on this topic basically got me excommunicated when I was 12 hah). I read this book to find the answers to the questions I suffered for asking. I found some answers and a whole lot of data (seriously, these people aren’t messing around).

In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens // Alice Walker

A beautiful short story – perhaps one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have ever read.

#lit #literature #writing #words #everything i read in 2019 #patrick rothfuss #the slow regard of silent things #c.s. lewis #the chronicles of narnia #the prydain chronicles #lloyd alexander #tara westover #educated #katherine paterson #bridge to terabithia #mortal engines #philip reeve #glendy vanderah #diane wilson #hollow knight #the hobbit #tolkien #the lord of the rings #lotr #diana ferguson #the raven cycle #trc #maggie stiefvater #poetpertuitan #* poet reads