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saiilorstars · 10 months

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Ch.29: Ocean's Away

Steve Rogers x OFC fic

taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @gloryekaterina @averyhotchner @foxesandmagic @lenonizi

Story Masterlist // Seren’s Masterlist

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Seren grew to love London only days after arriving. Her apartment was far more luxurious than the one she had in New York. It was just a shame that she was all on her own. That alone could make her turn right back for New York, but she had a job to do and like always, she put it first.

On her first day, she reported for work half an hour before she was meant to. It was quite surprising for those who were meeting her that day, especially since the location was of the utmost secret. It was an offsite building with a major focus underground.

"Morning," a chippy older woman greeted Seren at the reception. She was dressed in traditional professional attire like she was the CEO of some corporation. Her light brown hair was pulled in a tight bun. "I'm Rebeca Hale."

"Seren Soul," Seren shook hands with the woman.

"Of course, we're honored to have you on our side of the ocean," Rebeca smiled and motioned Seren to walk with her. "I'm the one who explicitly requested your relocation here. Nick Fury is one hard man to bargain with."

"You bargained for me?" Seren blinked.

Rebeca laughed. "In return for your relocation, I had to give him access to some of our records on potential criminals."

"Potential criminals?" Seren wondered who on Earth Fury could be looking at that he would need help from overseas. "Did he mention who he was looking for?"

Rebeca waved the matter off. "Nothing you need to worry about from now on. You're with us now," she winked at Seren.

Seren wasn't sure how to feel about that. Whatever Fury was doing, it was now S.H.I.E.L.D.'s problem as she technically was "on loan". She literally had no business knowing what their current missions were.

"Come now," Rebeca had stopped in front of a closed door. "I have compiled a list of possible candidates for the team. Don't worry, you can rearrange them, discard them, in whatever way you'd like."

Seren nodded but couldn't say anything. She had too much on her mind and that alone was going to be trouble if she couldn't get it under control. Maybe she just needed a few weeks to get accustomed to her new life.

~ 0 ~

Chloe returned to New York not that long after Seren left the city. Very quickly did she catch up on everything that had happened in her absence, thanks to one Natasha Romanoff. It's what the agent decided to converse about with Chloe at the local coffee shop.

"You think they could actually get together?" Chloe watched the smug smirk that spread across Natasha's face. That was more than any verbal answer. "I mean, I knew about it the last time I was around. Not that shocking nothing's really advanced since then."

Natasha hummed with a nod of her head. "It's painful, I swear. Seren's been gone for all of a month and Steve's acting like a lovesick puppy."

Chloe chuckled. She could totally see that. She would have loved to discuss that image but the Captain himself appeared in the shop and quickly spotted them at their table.

"Hey!" Chloe was up from her seat as soon as he joined them and hugged him.

"Good to have you around again, Chloe," Steve said, giving her a gentle pat on the back.

"Yeah, I like New York," Chloe nodded and took her seat again. Steve took the middle seat between her and Natasha.

"How long are you staying?"

"Uuh, I don't know. Fury's changing a couple of my assignments so as far as I know, it might be a month but it could very well be extended..." Chloe very suddenly placed her hands on the table, clasping them together as she settled an odd smile on Steve. "I was wondering if I could maybe stay with you for this month?"

"Me?" Steve seemed as if he'd just heard the most impossible thing in the world and considering what he'd seen and gone through, it was saying a lot.

Chloe nodded. Underneath the table, she sent a kick at Natasha's shin...for the redhead was close to laughing. Steve's reaction was too much not to laugh. "Natasha and I can't live under the same apartment. We'll kill each other in three days."

"One," Natasha corrected with so much honesty that Steve nearly agreed to the arrangement on the spot.

"See?" Chloe gestured at Natasha to make the point. "And as much as I would love to have a hotel room—"

"Chloe, you don't need to explain things to me, I'm just surprised that's all," Steve cut her off.

"Why? Because you've never had a girl sleep over at your place?" Chloe smirked knowing full well what the answer was. "Don't worry, I won't hit on you. I think we're way past that by now, don't you think?"

"That's not what I meant," Steve shook her head at her while he fought the urge to smile at her sarcasm. It was for these things that didn't make him so uncomfortable at the idea of having her stay with him. She was absolutely right, he'd never had a woman stay with him, both in the past and now. Not even Seren. At the thought of the Celessian, Steve shifted in his seat. He was working on not feeling the ache that lingered in his chest every time he started thinking about Seren now that she was so, so far away.

"I promise I won't make a mess," Chloe said, smiling at him in a certain way, "And if it doesn't work, of course I'll find a hotel room."

"It's fine, Chloe. Really."

Chloe beamed and threw her arms around him, nearly falling out of her chair in the process. "Thank you!"

Natasha would commend Chloe for her immense lying skills. She herself knew how to tell some good ones but Chloe was too young and totally not trained to do the same. She often wondered where Chloe had gotten these skills from.

~ 0 ~

Claire Hyes. Maeve Yates. Ross Lorn. Hue Wells. Those were the names that Seren had placed at the top of her own list of possible recruits. Truth be told, she had stopped paying attention hours ago. The exhaustion was catching up to her and the fact her days weren't seemingly going by quickly as she hoped they would once she got sorted at her new job.

"Miss Soul?" A young man poked his head into Seren's office. "Ms. Hale is here."

At the mention of the woman responsible for the new opportunity, Seren straightened up in her chair and asked the assistant to let Rebeca in. Seconds after he disappeared, Rebeca walked in.

"How are we doing, Seren?" her chirpy accent made Seren smile despite the troubles following her. "Have you got ideas?"

Seren gestured to the stacks of profiles on her desk. "I'm going through as many as I can but there are a lot of people. Truth be told, I think a lot of them could be potential candidates."

Rebeca seemed to understand what Seren meant. "We really only want to start with a group of 4 or 5 individuals. Better way to see how they work together."

"I know," Seren nodded. If a team that was too big and they were already newcomers, it was going to be more difficult to train them as well as making sure they were all linked with each other during missions.

"You looked tired," Rebeca said, tilting her head with a warm smile on her face. "I think you should call it a night and go home."

"I'll take your word for it," Seren sheepishly smiled back. "I haven't been sleeping well."

"Of course. Please, go home and rest. Maybe call home too. That's always good to do."

Seren agreed. She organized her files for tomorrow then collected her things and left. When she got home she took a long bath in hopes of relaxing and thus inducing some sleep. She still decided to call home afterwards just in case she missed something important. Was it shameful to admit that she kind of wished there was something she missed?

Chloe laughed when she heard the admission. "You're that bored?"

Seren was sheepish on the screen. Instead of going to sleep, she had decided to video call Chloe instead. "It's not 'boredom' persay just...it's all different here."

Chloe dramatically hummed a 'mhm'. She reached for something on the coffee table which turned out to be a mug. "I bet," she took a sip.

"What are you drinking?" Seren squinted her eyes at the small mug on the screen.

"Tea—that's what the Brits drink, haven't you seen?"

Seren rolled her eyes. "Take me serious, Chloe, just this once."

Chloe shrugged. "I am. You called me because you were bored or—" she wagged a finger at the screen just as Seren opened her mouth, "—maybe you called me because you knew that I was temporarily living with a certain captain."

"Chloe—"

"Even though I should, logically, have my feelings incredibly damaged, I would not fault you."

Seren sighed heavily. She could spend time trying to get Chloe to drop that but knowing the young agent meant Seren knew better. "How is it living with Steve? I hope you're not bothering him."

"What am I? A child?" Chloe rolled her eyes. She shifted on the couch, going as far as pulling her legs up to sit cross-legged. She almost laughed at the clear disapproval that marked Seren's face. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Chloe, I know you and I know that you mean well but Steve is different. He comes from a different time, alright? So please don't give him a hard time. Don't make him uncomfortable."

Chloe waved her off. "Yeah, yeah, you think I don't know that? It's adorable actually." She had only been staying for a week and it was already so clear that Steve had the least bit of knowledge when it came to women, even if said woman was just a friend. "He offered me his room but I literally had to force him to stay in there. As if I don't know the good feeling of a couch. I slept on yours for a month, didn't I?"

"Felt like years," Seren mumbled, prompting Chloe to deadpan her.

Instead of making her usual smartass response, her eyes flickered to something off-screen. Seren had little time to panic before Chloe exclaimed, "Steve, come here!"

Seren scrambled to make herself presentable—she was in pajamas for God's sake!

"Come here!" Chloe successfully got Steve to sit on the couch with her.

He had just come home from a pretty uneventful shift at S.H.I.E.L.D. and the last thing he wanted was for Seren to see him when he was unorganized and tired. Those thoughts only amplified when he saw her on the laptop screen. But at the same time, he lost his air. It felt like he'd gone ages without seeing her when it'd only been about 2 weeks since she left.

"Hi," Seren broke the silence with an awkward wave of her hand. Chloe would've laughed if she didn't already know it was a moment.

"Hi," Steve felt like there was nothing else he could say than that simple greeting. He'd have to buy himself some time so that he didn't come off that big of an idiot. Luckily for him, he had one smart-talking woman beside him.

"Seren was just saying how bored she is in England like there aren't some great places to visit in London," Chloe rolled her eyes. "And I would know, I did live there for a couple months."

"I said I was tired, Chloe," Seren said, though if she was being honest she didn't quite remember most of what she did right now.

"Are you working long hours?" Steve finally came up with a few decent words. He hoped it would continue.

Seren shrugged. "Yeah, but nothing I didn't already do at S.H.I.E.L.D. The only difference is that I'm sort of on my own."

"You haven't made friends?"

Chloe laughed. "Sorry, it just sounds like Seren's at a new school." She easily became the subject of two identical looks. "Okay, Mom and Dad are in the building. Tell you what, I'm going to make myself comfortable with a nice bath. Talk to you later, Seren," she waved goodbye to Seren as she pulled herself from the couch.

"Seriously, if she's giving you a hard time, don't be afraid to send her on her way," Seren warned Steve when Chloe was long gone. "She has more than enough resources to live on her own."

Steve smiled at her concern, and partly for Chloe too. "It's fine. She's...she's fun."

"Really?" Seren initially couldn't take his word for it considering how he was about people's feelings. "Because she doesn't have to stay with you. Don't feel bad about it."

Steve assured her that everything was fine. "She's young and she shouldn't be on her own. Call me old fashioned…" His heart skipped a jolt when Seren laughed.

"Yeah, just a bit," she planted an elbow on her table to rest her cheek against her palm. "But it's fine. It makes me feel good knowing that you're looking out for her. She's safest with you."

Steve smiled at her. Her faith in him was never ending and it was the best one he had. It went beyond being co-workers at S.H.I.E.L.D., co-leading their missions. "So, how's the job?"

"Eh," Seren shrugged meekly.

"You haven't found any potential candidates?"

Seren groaned. "Steve, there are so many!" she brought both of her hands to her face to tiredly rub. Steve laughed at her. "I have hundreds and hundreds of files! That's all I've been doing since I got here. I just look at files!"

"It's a process. I'm sure that you'll be picking out the best candidates in no time."

"I hope you're right because otherwise I may have just wasted their time coming here."

"No, I don't think they did. You're simply the only one for the job," Steve said with all the honesty in his heart. Like her, he had the same faith in her. There was no doubt in his mind that only she would be capable enough of recreating what S.H.I.E.L.D. scrambled to do over the course of 17 years. It just hurt him knowing that it would take her at least a year to make it happen. At least a year.

"How are you?" Seren's question was softly made. Something had changed and neither were against it.

"Okay." As soon as the word left his mouth, Steve regretted it. He could have said something more than that for sure. What was Seren supposed to do with that? God he needed to get better at this. He wanted to. Seren wasn't demanding, not in the least, but she was someone Steve felt like he could talk to for hours. He wanted to be able to have those conversations with her for as long as she gave him.

"I know Natasha mentioned that you went on a few missions. You're leading them now," Seren said, chuckling when he showed a clear sign of embarrassment.

"There are some things I still need to learn," he preferred to leave it at that.

Seren laughed because she knew exactly what he was talking about. "It's a big world, Steve. It's impossible to learn everything in the months you've been awake. It'll be years."

"I know," he sighed. "But it's just different without you."

Seren blushed from her end of the screen. "It shouldn't be," she tried to say without letting him know how his simple words affected her. "You don't really need me."

"Stop saying that Seren," Steve looked at her sharply. "Of course I need you." Backtrack, he heard the warning in his head. She meant it as a friend and he was obviously returning the words with more meaning. "I need...my friend back. It's just different without you. Natasha doesn't do curry all the time and...her personality…"

Seren chuckled. "Right. You know, you could always come visit me." She really hoped she wasn't being too straightforward there but it was always an option that she had thought about the moment she landed in England. "Like you say, everything is different. I'm sure we can find some places to visit here."

Steve loved the idea but he couldn't make it so obvious. "Y-yeah, that would be a nice idea."

"And if you don't want to come alone, we can always get Natasha to come too. And Chloe."

Steve nodded, feeling a guilty pit in his stomach for wanting the exact opposite of that from happening. "Right."

The evening went by in conversations about pretty much anything that came to their minds. Chloe poked her head every now and then without being noticed. It was simply infuriating that they couldn't see what was happening. Now she got what Natasha was talking about.

It was late for them when Steve finally shut the laptop. He was overly tired, far more than when he had initially come home but it was all worth it. He rubbed his face and leaned against the couch, not completely against the idea of letting himself fall asleep on the spot.

"Nice talk?" the sound of Chloe's voice startled Steve more than it should have. He dropped his hands to his lap and looked over to Chloe leaning against the wall. "She sounded happy—tired, but happy."

"Yeah," Steve nodded. Seren had talked about the people she'd met so far on the job and though she was a bit lonely starting new, she didn't regret taking the job. "She'll find the right people eventually."

Chloe nodded. She pushed away all the jokes and sarcasm that usually laced her words. Once she had that under control, she walked for the couch. "Steve, you know that I'm very grateful for letting me stay with you. I know that I'm a tough person to be around with—"

"Chloe, you're not," Steve shook his head at her while he tried his best not to smile.

"No, it's okay, I know that I am," she sat down next to him, making herself face him. She pulled one leg up and tucked it under her other leg. "Trust me, when I was a teenager, when I was in high school, I didn't always have the best attitude. Over the years, I sort of got better, but that's not the point. I'm trying to make a point here." She waved her hands and her head to get back to her actual point. "I am your friend, just like Natasha and Clint and even Tony, but you and I...I feel like we're a little closer. Maybe like siblings. I know Seren perfectly and I love her. I like seeing her happy, especially because of everything that happened to her. You…" she reached for his hand, "...you are someone who makes her really happy. And she makes you happy, doesn't she?"

"Y-yeah, of course she does," Steve tried shrugging like he wasn't a mess of nerves.

"That's good, that's very good," Chloe patted his hand. "So can I ask you something and get a straight answer from you?"

"If I can—"

"Do you have feelings for Seren?"

As soon as the question was asked, Steve pulled his hand out from under Chloe's. He didn't mean to do it so blatantly, it was just an instinct. He wondered who was more blunt: Chloe Winters or Natasha Romanoff. "Of course not—"

Chloe sighed, her eyes falling shut, "Steve—"

"I don't—"

"Steve, I respect you, but with all due respect, you're fucking lying to me."

"Chloe!" Steve was outright shocked with her language, and her straight face.

"You know the alien hive mind in my head can tell me things about people, right? They're like predictors with probability and all that crap. Even they know there's something going on between you and Seren."

"I — seriously?" Steve's eyes widened.

Chloe nodded. "The Celessian hybrid and the man out of his Time. You're a popular topic."

Steve wasn't sure what to make of that. For the moment, he permitted himself to breathe a little and admit to the truth. He turned on the couch, leaning back on it, and let out such an exhausted sigh. "How could I not?" His voice was quiet, albeit his mind was loud. And fast. He saw flashes of Seren almost all the time, without a break. "How could I not have feelings for Seren Soul, a literal star." Of all the people he'd met and worked with, he had to go and pick Seren. It was solely her fault for being so her.

Chloe was overly eager with his admission. "Ah, finally! We can work with this—"

"No!" Steve knew exactly where that idea was leading to and he was not interested in playing a game he was sure he was going to lose at. It's always how it went, the only difference now is that it wasn't Bucky throwing him into the game. No, it was a clever, sneaky woman with imagination to spare. Steve didn't know who was worse.

Chloe pouted. "Why not?"

"Because there is no future there. I talked to Peggy about this and she said things that seem to be just right but now that Seren is in England, working on her own missions...who am I to come and distract her from that?" As much as Steve would love to try something with Seren, he didn't feel adequate for her. She was on another level and she was off doing her own thing. "She doesn't need me."

"Hey," Chloe pointed a manicured fingernail at him. "Don't you dare believe that. I've known Seren for years and I can see firsthand the difference you've made in her life in the time you've been with her. You really don't see it?" She almost laughed at his naivete. "Steve, look at her eyes when you talk to her. They light up like the frikin fireworks from 4th of July!" Her pointing finger came back to the air. "Which I have plans for by the way!"

"Chloe…" Steve shook his head at her. "It's hard to believe that I could do something like that."

"Why?" Chloe raised an eyebrow at him. "You had that with Peggy Carter. What's the difference now? Besides the time period of course. Or is that it?" She blinked when it struck her. "Is it because Seren is from another time that you're not comfortable with yet?"

"I don't know, maybe? It's definitely part of it," Steve shrugged. There were many things in the way. "Seren is intelligent and she knows her way around this world. She could have someone who knows how to use a laptop, for starters."

"These are material things, Steve. I can't believe I have to explain that to you. You think Seren cares about that stuff?"

"Maybe not now but it'll definitely be something later on. I don't know the social queues from this world. I barely knew the ones from home. I think differently, I act differently."

"Yeah, you think a lot better than most men in this world," Chloe crinkled her nose. "Chivalry is dead if you haven't noticed. You have that old fashion vibe that's just right and I'm pretty sure Seren likes that. It's not really my thing but to each their own."

Steve couldn't help but smile at her. "It's not?"

"Nooo," she smirked. "No I'd like someone to argue with. A lot. It's more fun." Steve had to laugh, even if it was short and in disapproval. Maybe Chloe was like a little sister. She playfully whacked his arm. "So, what are we going to do now? I can help you with whatever you need."

"Honestly Chloe, I have no idea."

~ 0 ~

As the weeks went by, Seren started getting more into her new schedule. She became more accustomed to the people around her. She could eventually hold actual conversations with people beyond the usual "how are you?" greetings.

"Acquaintances. That's what they are right now," she explained over a video call. Both Steve and Chloe were attentively listening to the explanation, but were failing to keep a straight face with her. She was over explaining things. When she noticed, she huffed. "You know, Natasha at least kept the straight face until the call ended!"

Chloe threw her hands up in a surrender motion. "Sorry but no one says 'acquaintances' anymore!"

Seren rolled her eyes. It was just a start. She eventually came to be friends with some of them. Marina Doyle, for one, was her neighbor and Seren was proud to make a normal friend outside of work. Little by little, the list would grow.

Weeks would turn into the first months of her new home. With everything getting started, Seren often found little time to call home. Everyone felt it but knowing what Seren was working for meant no one said a thing about it. Still, each time she managed to call through, she apologized profusely for her lack of contact.

"I've got two new recruits," she happily announced in the middle of May. On the other end, she had Steve and Natasha. Chloe was gone for the month in God knows what South American country.

"Really? What made them?" Natasha asked.

"Honestly, their behavior," Seren said and went straight to explaining. "They're completely skilled like the other candidates I met but their behaviors struck me as people who could get along with others. You have no idea the pretentious people I've met these past weeks." She shuddered at the reminder. "Terrible. But these two people - Risha Cameron and Hue Morrison - they're good people."

"It's good to see you finding people," Steve smiled at her. She certainly looked happy right now. The last time they spoke she'd been struggling but it seemed like things were beginning to pay off.

"They're ecstatic and so am I!" Seren exclaimed. She wasn't able to continue with the call seconds later due to a call in her office. With an apology, she bid goodbye and ended the call.

Steve couldn't help wonder when he would get the chance to talk to her again. The gaps between their calls were getting bigger each time and he feared the day would come where the calls would stop altogether. Seren would inevitably find other people to have these conversations with, people she didn't need to explain things twice to.

Indeed the next call would be longer. Seren took her two first recruits under her wing. From dusk till dawn they were training and learning. The female, Risha, turned out to be an excellent strategist. She had the natural leadership that Seren wouldn't ignore. She tried embracing it with several scenarios where Risha would have to take charge.

"Risha, I really think you could be an amazing leader," Seren said after completing yet another day of training.

Risha was a tall brunette with more leg than body. She was rather timid too but the fact she could take charge despite it is what made Seren like her. "Coming from you, that means a lot." Risha tucked the loose strands of hair behind her ears. Her tight bun was almost spilling.

Seren laughed. "Why?"

The two women had gathered their things together and were making their way out of the building.

"Seriously?" Risha's bright blue eyes widened. "You're a hero, an original Avenger." Her dramatic whisper only made Seren laugh more. "You have no idea what it means that you picked me for this proposition."

"Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine," Seren stopped by her car, the one Rebeca had given her at the start.

Risha nodded her head quickly, practically committing everything Seren told her to memory. "Seriously, thank you."

"You don't have to keep saying that," Seren waved a hand at the woman. "And please, definitely don't feel intimidated by me. I am far from glamorous."

"But you are," Risha was smiling so widely Seren wondered how much more would it take to crack her face. "I saw you on t.v., I know what you can do. I want to be just as good as you, minus the whole powers of course."

Seren was touched that someone already had that much determination in themselves because of her. "It's great that you want to be the best but you don't have to measure your success to mine." And as she said those words, she couldn't help but think of herself. She had learned everything she could, done what she could, to be as great as Carol Danvers—the reason she was even brought into S.H.I.E.L.D.

Risha took her advice halfheartedly and bid Seren goodnight shortly afterwards. Seren would take her thoughts home and well into the night too. It was difficult changing her ideas after living with them most of her life, but she had to start somewhere.

~0~

It was late June when Seren was given the surprise of having Chloe land in England.

"Surprise!" The blonde agent was giddy when Seren first saw her waiting by the door of her apartment.

"Oh my goodness!" Seren laughed so loud that she wouldn't be surprised if her neighbors poked their head in the hallway to see who was responsible for the noise.

"I have been waiting for 2 hours!" Chloe motioned to her duffel bag hanging on her shoulder. "I am dead!"

"Steve said you were in, um, Italy!" Seren ended their hug to open the apartment for them.

"I was and I'm on my way back to New York—you do remember that Steve's birthday is coming up right?" Chloe was very studious of Seren's reaction.

The ginger gave a simple nod but there was a faint blush sprinkled over her face. She remembered alright. Had it perfectly marked in her mind. "Next week."

"Right, so I thought I would pop in on him since it's his birthday in, uh, you know...a different century?" Chloe dropped her duffel bag on the couch. "You wanna come?"

"I can't, I'm still training Risha," Seren sighed. There was a clear desire to do the opposite of what she'd said. She had to admit to herself — and she did — that she missed Steve so much it was actually unbearable. In the beginning, it alarmed her she could miss someone like that. It wasn't even the same feeling she felt when she thought about her own parents— her grandmother! It was an ache that sat right in her heart and every day spread more, and more. The only option she had was to learn to live with it. She'd learned to live with many different kinds of pain in her life, this one should be no different.

"Is that the new leader?" Chloe was still watching Seren. The Hive Mind was buzzing in her head.

Seren nodded. "Aaron didn't last so I'm down to one recruit."

"That's bad but taking a few days off won't kill anyone. And—" Chloe started to smirk, "—I know that it would be the best present Steve could get. And since I convinced you, that would take care of my present in the process."

Seren smiled at her antics. "I just can't, Chloe. Trust me, if I could I'd already be on a plane." She absolutely hated that she would miss Steve's birthday knowing exactly how he felt about it. He was living another year while everything he knew and had loved was gone. She wanted nothing more than to be with him and comfort him.

Chloe practically read her thoughts. "Wow, even the aliens in my head can see your humongous crush on the man. And—" she tapped her finger over her left temple, "—they're from a different galaxy."

Seren flushed on the spot and looked away. "If I knew their language, I'd tell them myself to stop."

Chloe laughed and plopped down on the couch. "Why? They're not lying, are they?"

"Why is this such a big topic for you people!?" groaned Seren.

Chloe smirked. "Why is such a hard topic for you?"

"What?"

"I mean," Chloe shrugged, "if someone told me that I liked Steve, I wouldn't get defensive. I'd just correct them and move on. No blushes, no defensiveness, no trying too hard to convince them, you know?"

Seren glowered at the younger woman. "Is this why you came? To make me — to make me think about stuff like that?"

"No, I had an idea," Chloe said, "And I'm seeing it through."

"Oh, well!" Seren waved Chloe off and stalked into the kitchen.

Chloe remained on the couch, listening to the Hive Mind. Her eyes flashed blue for a moment and afterwards, she smiled to herself. "You've been pretty sad, huh?" she called out to Seren.

Seren was coming back with two bottles of water. "Here," she unceremoniously tossed a bottle to Chloe. "I haven't gone shopping so there's no alcohol for you."

Chloe snorted. "Thanks, mom. So, how about it, then?"

"Chloe..." Seren said wearily as she sat down on the couch with Chloe, "Why...why is it so important for you to know this stuff?"

Chloe chuckled and shifted on the couch to face Seren. She brought an arm over the top of the couch and leaned her side back. "Because in the years that I have known you, I can't remember you ever being in this much denial about a guy."

"Denial?" Seren made a face.

Chloe uncapped her water bottle and took a drink. "Mhm," she nodded. "I mean, you've gone on dates here and there but there was never any denial. Usually—"

"The guy ghosted me, yeah? How could I forget that?" Seren said tartly. "It only happened one too many times."

"All wankers if you asked me," Chloe said, smirking.

"They just can't get over my unearthly side," Seren muttered. "Some of them actually told me that to my face. But then again, on the other side, I had guys interested in me solely because I was an alien. Kinky alien sex is such a big appeal, apparently."

Chloe tried her best not to laugh. She remembered how horrified Seren had been when one brave soul had told her exactly that. "I get it, the dating thing hasn't been easy for you—"

"It's never been easy, Chloe!" Seren exclaimed. "I never dated anyone in high school because I was dead scared of what would happen if they found out I wasn't completely human. Teenage boys are a special kind of hell."

"Mmm, tell me about it..." Chloe nodded to herself.

"The only boy I ever liked actually asked me to prom and I said no because I was too afraid about what could happen," Seren said, shaking her head. "And then" — she laughed sourly — "I thought that at SHIELD, because everyone knew what I was, that things would be easier but no...it actually got worse. All they wanted was to explore the differences between me and a regular human woman. It's humiliating, Chloe." Seren's gaze fell to her lap.

Chloe was silent for a few minutes. She'd never heard this explanation from Seren before, and she wasn't surprised that it hadn't come up until now. Seren was always focused on other people and what they needed, whether it was what they needed from her or themselves. She was a woman devoted to others, plain and simple. It was easier to think about others and organizations than to think about her when she was always so at odds with herself.

But that was before Steve Rogers came into her life.

Without knowing it (because he really didn't notice between all the things he had to learn), he'd forced Seren into a zone she wasn't familiar with. And that was the hardest thing Seren had to accept. She had to accept that she could no longer remain in her safe little bubble where feelings never managed to cut through.

"Ooh..." Seren dragged a hand through her hair then used the same hand to splay over her face.

Chloe watched with sympathy. She presumed where Seren's thoughts had gone and smiled softly. "You know that Steve is not anything like those guys. Maybe he's the guy who tried asking you to prom. Actually, he is! Because just like that teenage boy you didn't give a chance, you're not giving Steve the opportunity to prove he's different."

"You say it like there's hope." Seren dropped her hand on her lap, looking so crestfallen that Chloe almost thought to call Steve and make him confess to Seren right there and then.

"Uh, because there is!" Chloe exclaimed. "You know he has feelings for you too, right? Like, it's embarrassing that you're the last one to find out!"

Seren shifted on the couch to lean her back against it. She stared straight ahead, falling silent for a few minutes. "I'm...it just...it wasn't supposed to happen. The way I crossed so many ethical lines here — I'm a horrible agent and person."

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Stop thinking about S.H.I.E.L.D. for one fucking moment, please!"

"I met Steve through S.H.I.E.L.D., Chloe!" snapped Seren. "I met him as an agent. He was, as bad as it was, an assignment, and I completed it and I...I actually fell for him in the process! What kind of — I shouldn't have done it!"

"Hey!" Chloe snapped her fingers at Seren. The latter turned her head in Chloe's direction. "You don't get to pick when that stuff happens. And if it counts for anything, and it should, Steve was falling for you at the same time. Trust me, Seren, he likes you. He so likes you!"

"But..." Seren seemed thoroughly confused, "Why...why me? I mean...I know why I like him. He's so sweet — literally the sweetest person I have ever met. He's so kind, and loyal — God, he's so loyal. He's always trying to help me when I know he doesn't quite understand things yet but he still tries. He's been through so much and yet he'll jump back into the fight if I ask him for help. He makes things feel so easy around him, so warm and..." She sighed. "What the hell did I do?"

Chloe laughed and bumped shoulders with Seren. "Fall for Captain America, that's what. You know we learned about him in high school right?" She laughed even harder when Seren reiterated' what did I do!?'. "It's alright," she rubbed a comforting hand over Seren's back. "Think about it this way. Maybe the reason you never really dated anyone is because you were waiting for Steve to wake up."

Seren could only let out a light laugh. Sure, that was one way to see things. Unfortunately, she was not all about seeing things in a bright way. Working at S.H.I.E.L.D. for as long as she had made her see the world differently. For every happy moment you wanted, there were about ten dark threats waiting to take it. She was Stardust, he was Captain America. Each one could bring about twice the darkness from S.H.I.E.L.D. itself. Could there truly be a way to keep it all away?

~ 0 ~

On the day of his birthday, Steve woke up feeling a tad blue—extra blue, anyways. He had not talked to Seren in over a week again and wondered if today that would change. He was realistic with himself that Seren had plenty of things to do, that she couldn't just drop everything for him, but he still hoped just a smidge.

Outside his apartment, however, he was bombarded with traditional birthday wishes from everyone. Literally everyone. He had the entire city sending him wishes through the media and the skies. He was beyond stunned to see the messages in the sky. A true testament that he still didn't understand 2012.

When evening strolled by, he was gifted with a small party in his apartment. He wanted nothing big—he had made Chloe swear that nothing big would happen—and it stuck. Only Chloe, Natasha, Clint and Tony and Pepper were there. The only one missing was Seren. His heart had ached the moment he saw an empty spot beside the group.

He didn't want to admit it either but he was slightly excited to see what her present was. She'd actually sent him a gift with Chloe, something she went out and bought for him. The size was curious but he wasn't so focused on it. Seren had bought it just for him and no matter what it was he knew that he would love it. If he couldn't see her tonight, he would at least have something of hers.

"Hmm, let me guess which one is from Seren…" drawled Tony as he came up beside Steve in the living room with a drink in hand. "I'm going to take a wild stab at it and pick the one you've been staring at riiiight there!" He pointed at the orange-wrapped box on the table.

Steve rolled his eyes at him. Even Tony's sarcasm wouldn't turn his mood around. "Actually, I was looking for yours."

Tony snorted. "Sarcasm. I didn't know you were capable of that."

"I am many things, Tony, if you didn't know." Steve turned away from the room and headed for the kitchen.

"I do my research," Tony shrugged and followed him. On his way into the kitchen, he met Pepper's brief warning look not to do anything. He wouldn't go picking fights with Steve on his birthday. That was sort of the present. Tomorrow would be a new day. "So how's S.H.I.E.L.D. working out for you?"

Steve would send an odd glance at Tony for the question. "Since when do you care about work?"

Tony shrugged. "Just curious."

Sure. Steve would still be polite and give him an honest answer. "It's fine, Tony. Thanks for asking."

"To be honest, I didn't think you would fit the bill for that place."

He just couldn't help it, could he? Steve shook his head. "I'm doing just fine."

"Are you, though?"

"Is there something you want to get at here?"

"I'm just fascinated by the idea of an honest man like you working for such a shady organization."

"It's not…" Steve crinkled his nose, "...shady."

Tony scoffed. "You do remember the part where they stored Hydra weapons right?"

"Of course not, I just don't think that the entire organization should be clumped under the same belief that it's all bad."

"Mm, and by that you mean Twinkle Star?" Tony never got the answer to that. "I'm actually happy that she was sent overseas away from this place. She's like you, she wants to believe in all the good in the world. Her working for S.H.I.E.L.D. never made any sense, just like it doesn't make sense for you."

"You know, Tony," Steve cleared his throat, "I sort of get the feeling that you're trying to get to a point here but I really don't know what it is and I know that Chloe is really excited about cutting a cake, so…" He made a gesture for Tony to get to that point already or move on completely.

Tony passed a finger over his upper lip. "I've been thinking," he started, "S.H.I.E.L.D. can't be trusted and you know that. The only reason you're there is because it's all you know and Seren is there, plus Romanoff, Barton and Winters. I get it, but don't you think you — everyone for that matter — would be better off working outside of it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've been working on reconstructing the tower and I've had a few ideas...about a team." Tony's eyes drifted to the living room where the others were starting to get ready for the cake Chloe was setting up. "Make a new team under new rules with absolutely no secrets."

"You would do that?" Steve wouldn't hide his doubt. It was a fair placed doubt, mind you.

"I would try," Tony said, believing it meant thousands if he was saying the truth. "Just...think about it. Maybe comment it to Seren when you see her."

"See?" Now it was Steve's turn to scoff. "Yeah, I don't know when I'll see Seren again."

"Oh," Tony sniffed, "I forgot to give you your present." He pulled a slip of paper from the inside of his jacket. "Here," he held it out for Steve to take.

"What is it?"

"A plane ticket," Tony tapped a finger over the date of the flight. "For Twinkle Star's birthday."

"What?"

"November 1st."

"How did you—?"

"I do my research, Captain, c'mon," Tony heavily rolled his eyes. Wasn't it obvious?

"Well, thanks Tony, but I can't acc—"

"Don't even try it," Tony warned him. "It's not just about you. I figured I'd kill 2 birds with one stone with that one. Present for you and present for her."

Steve felt odd about the whole thing but he did note Tony's honesty. "Thank you," he held the ticket tightly in his hand. "I, uh...thanks."

"Mhm," Tony flashed him a smirk. "Say hi for me when you open that present of hers and inevitably call her, alright?"

Steve rolled his eyes and walked around him. Of course he was thinking about calling Seren but he wasn't going to admit that to Tony. He was thankful for the party and for everyone who came by but if he was being honest, he couldn't wait for them to leave. It was probably the rudest thing to think of tonight of all nights.

Seren's present remained untouched on the coffee table. He had yet to open it and was really only waiting for Chloe to go to bed.

"Are you sure you don't want to take your room?" She remained by the hallway. "It's your birthday! I can't make the birthday boy sleep on the couch!"

"Chloe, it's really alright," he promised her. "Thank you for everything today. It was so sweet of you, now go get some rest."

Chloe nodded. She knew when she wasn't wanted in the room. She could see the laptop already on the table, waiting to be used for the following morning. "Okay, goodnight Steve."

Steve heard the door of his bedroom close and if he was right, Chloe would soon fall asleep. She did so pretty easily, he learned. When he was sure of it, he scooted forwards on the couch and reached for the present on the table. He slowly pulled the wrapping paper apart until he found the surface of the box.

Warmth shot throughout his body at the sight of an old record player printed on the box. Vintage was the word used to describe things like these apparently. But Steve knew this went beyond the attempt of vintage. It was a piece of home.

The urge to see and talk to Seren skyrocketed in the next minute. Steve couldn't wait for morning. The five hour difference between there and London had never felt so agonizing to him. Maybe he didn't sleep, maybe he slept a few hours, who knew. All he did know was that as soon as it was a decent time in the morning, he was working fast on the computer to get it working—he had finally learned the basics of the thing.

From her end, Seren had heard the first alert of an incoming call. She was busy disposing of her lunch. She quickly washed her hands and dried them then ran to her bedroom. She was absolutely nervous when she answered the call but getting to see Steve was all worth it. She had settled herself against her bed's headboard. "Happy birthday!" she said as soon as his face was clear on the screen.

Steve chuckled. "Thanks!"

"Well, you know, belated birthday and all! I'm so sorry for having to miss it and not being able to call yesterday!"

"Don't worry about it," Steve said. He was getting all he wanted right now by getting to see her.

"So, what are you now, 100?"

"No, technically I'm 93."

Seren snorted. "Right, my bad, that's so different." Steve rolled her eyes at her but he liked the banters with her. He liked everything about her, actually. "How was it?" Seren asked him eagerly. "The party that Chloe threw? She can get a little over-excited about things."

"It was fine, she listened to my every request."

"Good, that's good." Seren debated how to work her way up to the question she'd been dying to ask. She didn't realize she started biting her thumb's nail.

"You're nervous," Steve said, startling her.

"What!?" Had he figured it out? Was she that obvious?

"You're biting your thumb's nail," Steve pointed at the nail that was still indeed between her teeth. As soon as he did, Seren pulled her hand down. "That's your nervous tick."

"Is it?" she lifted an eyebrow at him. "I didn't know that."

"I doubt I'm the first one to point it out." He wasn't wrong. Natasha had pointed it out in the first week after they met. "What are you nervous about?"

"Uh, I...just the recruits. Did I tell you I have a new one again? This time I think he'll stick," Seren hated herself for this. The last thing she wanted to talk about was the Initiative right now.

"Really? What's his name?"

"Joshua. He's a little older than the last recruit but he definitely sticks to the training. He's got a really good linguistics background which I think will help with missions. Not to mention he's an excellent martial arts student."

"He sounds good," Steve nodded. Like Seren, he was trying to figure out how to get to the topic he called her for. He realized that no matter how much he thought about it, he would never figure out the right way to get to it so maybe...he should just do it. "I loved your gift, Seren."

Seren was incredibly relieved to be an ocean away because he wouldn't be able to see the monumental blush that spread over her face. "You did?"

"Yeah, it's...it's home. Thank you so much, it means a lot."

"That was sort of the point. Home. I know that you've heard it before from a bunch of people but Steve, I really am so sorry about what happened to you. I just wanted to give you a little piece from home."

"Thanks, but you know...I've been thinking it's time to start letting go, little by little." Because if he didn't, Steve knew that he would never be able to build that life he wanted now. He had no idea what this new life would be but if he wanted a chance at it, he needed to start living it.

"I'm happy for you," Seren said. "And you know that I'm here for whatever you need."

"Of course. You know what's something I want right now?"

"What?"

"A place to buy records." Steve smiled when Seren laughed. "I'm serious!"

"Yeah, I figured you would. I didn't buy any because I wasn't sure what type of music you wanted. I knew something old—"

"Oh, thanks," Steve deadpanned her and was afforded another laugh.

"I just meant music from back then!"

"Got any recommendations, then? I sort of missed the last couples of decades."

Seren nodded. She leaned her head against the headboard, slightly tilting up as she thought of a few songs. "Oh, my favorite is 'Put Your Head on my Shoulder' by Paul Anka. 'Sleep Walk' by Johnny and Santo is a classic. They're both from 1959 and so sweet."

"I'll give them a try," Steve decided.

Seren smiled at him and was aware that it was all she was doing now. It was terrible knowing that despite her denial, her attempts to stay neutral, she just couldn't do it. But even then, what was she supposed to do with these feelings? She was miles away—a whole ocean away—and with no real date of when she would be able to come back to New York. She wasn't one to believe in long distance relationships—they were too messy and simply too frustrating. What was the point of being with someone if you couldn't actually be with that person? Besides, Steve wasn't short on admirers. Even Risha had already asked about him.

Seren couldn't see herself trying something if she couldn't even touch him. That itself sounded like the biggest torture ever.

"Hey Seren," Steve called her name gently. She seemed to have gotten lost in her thoughts. "Um, I heard your birthday's coming up too…"

Seren made a face. "Oh no, no, no. I don't want to think about turning 26. I'm closer to 30 than I am to 20!"

"I'm 93, Seren," Steve reminded.

"With the appearance of a 25 year old! It's always different for women," Seren dramatically sighed. "Even my Celessian side won't let me appear younger."

"You look just fine," Steve assured her. He wished he could say more but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. "I was just commenting because Tony mentioned it."

"I dread to think how he found out about my birthday…"

"Do you know if you're coming home for that day?"

Seren shrugged. "I'm not sure. My schedule is up in the air, honestly. Right now, I don't know anything. I have to keep working on the Initiative and find more recruits. Why do you ask?"

"Just want to know if we'll have a chance to celebrate it together…"

Seren smiled softly. "I'd love to do that." What she would give to have that come true.

Steve decided there and then to leave his potential visit as a surprise. If she was able to come home then he wouldn't even need the ticket but just in case she couldn't, and she was disappointed, then he could at least go see her as a surprise. Either way, he would be seeing her for her birthday.

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cheekygreenty · 3 years

Text

Little Witch - Part 10

The Darkling x Reader

*I’ve changed this part like 5 times so if there’s any inconsistencies I do apologize 😝

In a perfect world, you and Aleksander would have spent the day in his luxurious bed surrounded by his soft silk sheets. You felt an overwhelming feeling to open up to him, to tell him everything that happened to you since you saw him last, nearly a century ago, but life has a way to ruin perfect opportunities.

Wars didn't take breaks or vacations, they got more deadly as time went on and each side got more nervous as more people gave their lives to the cause. A solution was necessary and from your understanding, Aleksander still had the same plan as he did all those years ago he just had a different way to go about them. No doubt Alina was at the center of them.

You had business to attend to too. The first on the list was a meeting with the council. The King and his advisors were to be there to 'greet' you with open arms, but you were sure you'd have to put on a quick performance of your abilities to satisfy their curious minds.

Maybe that's why he gave me the shadows, to ensure my position. You quickly brushed off the thought. It didn't really matter to you why he did what he did. You had your shadows back. He claimed protection, but you knew there was a different reason behind it as well. It seemed too quick and too easy in your opinion but who were you to judge what kind of trust he truly had in you. You felt comfort that you always had piece of him wherever you went.

On a lighter note, you could finally wear a black kefta. The thought itself had you quickly leaping out of his bed and skipping to your chambers in a mere robe through the secret passages of the Palace. You didn't want anybody to see you leaving his quarters, not in the state you were in. You needed to grab a Healer and get rid of those very visible marks on your neck that Aleksander took his time creating. He intended to mark you as his own but jokes on him, you never wanted to belong to anybody but yourself.

Time passed and servents scurried in and out of your chambers, carrying information from here there and everywhere. You were already overwhelmed with tasks and your position wasn't even announced to the Palace yet. You were still the mysterious Grisha that served with the Darkling, not for.

Your vanity was covered in papers and reports in handwriting you had trouble reading and your bed had maps strung across it. Aleksander truly meant it when he said he would get you started right away and share his responsibilities as soon as he got the chance.

When the time finally came, you were escorted to the Grand Palace with Aleksander walking right next to you. The conversation was devoted to work and nothing else, Fjerdan intel, rumors of West Ravka and Zlatan, and upcoming skiff journeys but you didn't mind. You were damn good at your job, having started out in the First Army and then joining the Second Army had given you experience not even the General had, it's what made you the first pick when dealing with plans involving otkazat'sya soldiers, they respected you. I wonder if they will now.

You had spent 3 years in the First Army once upon a time. You came from a wealthy merchant family, a family full of drunks and abusers and cowards. You gave up the feeling of a full stomach and duck-feathered beds for the rations of the army once your mother admitted to you being a bastard and not worthy of the family name. What a shame. Look at me now.

You never knew what you could do, but a slip-up with a Tidemaker had you served to the Darkling on a silver platter. He was meaner then, more unforgiving. Your years spent with him after that had changed him, made him better in your eyes. You fell for him, hard, even though there was so much death and destruction in his wake. When you love somebody, it’s easy to see past all of the nasty stuff and focus on whatever is left of the good and Aleksander still had an abundance of if.

You could still remember his cold stare as he asked you what the hell you were. After pleading with him that you didn't know and his Heartrenderer confirming it, he whisked you away to the Little Palace where soon enough you had become his equal, if not his superior.

'I actually wanted to ask you something about one of the Grisha in the Palace. I seen her with Alina, red-hair, big blue eyes... she wore a white kefta?' You said as you wlaked down a mirrored hallway in the Royal building.

'Oh, that's Genya Saffin. She works for the King and Queen.' He said with an underlying tone of irritation.

'What does she do? She wears a white kefta so I'm just curious'

'She's a tailor. Member of the Corporalki. She should be wearing red, I know. But trust me the time will come' He ushered us both into a guarded room of glitering gold and pearly white walls. So tacky. I could make out the king slumped in an overdone throne-like chair.

'Moi tsar' you and Aleksander bowed much to your distastes. You hoped nobody had seen the brief look of disgust wash over your face as the Lanstov King rose and gave his advisors a raised eyebrow, signalling to you. A man wearing a navy uniform looked at you like a piece of meat ready to be devoured. I'm gonna throw up.

'Deputy General Y/L/N is it?' He took your hand in his own sweaty one gave it a wet kiss. 'You Grisha are always easy on the eyes aren't you?'

You took a step back and cleared your throat. 'Yes, Moi Tsar, it is an honour to make your acquantance' You tried so hard to keep your fists at your sides.

'And what can you bring to the war table, apart from the newest fashion' He let out an obnoxious laugh and his advisors followed. They all looked smug and spoiled. None of them had any idea what the real world looked like and yet had the audacity to sit this council. I'll show them what it means to be powerful.

Aleksander stepped away to the side and gave you a nod. You slowly unravlled your fist and plunged the room into darkness while simultanseoly blowing a strong wind throughout the space, letting papers fly in all directions and the fire go out. You relit it, and every candle in the room. The man in the navy unifrom got the runt of your powers, as you slowly medled with his heart until he breathed a worried laugh 'Stop it Girl'.

But you didn't stop, you carefully stared at the chair the man sat in and pushed it just enough for him to let out a yell. You accidently let out a chuckle that was meant to be in your head. You felt Aleksander move toward you 'All right, that should be enough' He said visibly amused too. You let it all drop.

'It's Deputy General to you' You looked at his fearful face that tried to cover by fixing his jacket and whiping away invisible dust off of his shoulder.

'I must say I am impressed. With the Sun-Summoner and... you, we will have West Ravka and the surroundings begging for our alliances.' He sat down on his chair once again and pointed to an empty one across from him and to the right of Aleksander, who unbeknownst to you had already seated himself.

'Please, Deputy General, do take a seat, we have business to tend to'

****

A painful 2 hours later you and Aleksander walked out of the Grand Palace. You had a headache and your hands hurt from clentching them so hard.

'I'm assuming you sitting the King's meetings for me is off the table now?' Aleksander mused and all you could do was give him a side-eye.

'I think I want to kill him'

'In due time'

You weren't even surprised. If he didn't do it himself you definitely would have taken one for the team. That man is unbearable; like a child in a grown man's body.

As you wallked into your home, Aleksander gently took hold of your wrist and pulled you in the direction of his quarters.

'Come'

Your head was pounding too much to say no so you obliged. The hallways were bare of people, not a Grisha in sight.

You reached his war room doors and walked in after him. He pulled out a map and laid it down.

'I've sent out a First-Army search for the Stag.'

You paused. The headache suddenly gone. Morozova’s Stag. He had tried once before and failed. The weeks following his failure sent him into a frenzy, he questioned Morazovas journals and almost burned them all, but you had gotten to him last-minute. You never doubted the stag to be real. You just never believed he would use it. He's powerful on his own unless- it's for Alina.

You audibly sighed and leaned your back against the table. Alina.

'Does she want it?'

'Does that matter?'

‘Of course it matters!’ You scorned but he stayed silent.

You turned to look at him and whispered 'What are you planning this time?' He had been dropping hints here and there, but so far there was no plan you knew of. 'I can't help you if I don't know the plan'

'No. You're better of not knowing anything. I can't lose you again' you turned you head and looked at his side profile.

'But you need me. I'm powerful, I can lead an army'

'If anything happens you can take over for me then, Deputy.' He cocked a sad smile and left a lingering kiss on your forhead before he left you standing in the war room alone and confused.

Part 11

Taglist

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @0-artemis @lostysworld @xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @patdsinner33 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @wizardwheezes @aleksanderwh0r3 @tomhollandisabae @hotleaf-juice @justmesadgirl @exo-1204 @houseofdupree @oberonpascal

#shadow and bone #grisha #imagine #the darkling #the darkling x reader #alexander #alexander morozova #alina starkov #ben barnes #fanfic #black general #general kirigan x reader #shadow summoner #keftas

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jungshookz · 3 years

Note

omg it’s me again i just thought of sth and only you can make it so good;; EMT seokjiN and this prompt i saw sth like “will you stop flirting with me? you just got seriously injured and I’m the emt trying to tend to your wounds, i don’t give a fuck that i look cute when i’m concerned, you’re lucky you’re not dead you dipshit”

➺ pairing; emt!seokjin x reader

➺ genre; sfw!! namjoon is clumsy!! y/n is particularly cheeky that even i was like :0!! and handsome seokjin is simply handsome!!

➺ wordcount; 4.9k

➺ what to expect; “i’m just checking out your pupils, darling. trust me. you’ll know when i’m about to kiss you.”

➺ note; i thought i’d kick off the christmas with cee event with a jin drabble seeing as it was recently his birthday!! also i hope this drabble pumps you UP for the other drabbles that’ll be posted this month <3 happy deceember!!

»»————-　❄　————-««

“i just don’t think this is a super good idea, you know?” namjoon mutters sheepishly, looking down at you while you busy yourself with tightening his laces, “i mean, i can barely walk three steps without tripping over a normal floor, so i don’t know if me on ice is going to be any better-”

“oh, will you please give it a break? i’ve got you!” you get up off the ground before dusting your knees off, “besides, you were the one who said you wanted to try ice-skating - and it’s not like the ice skating rink is as steep as a mountain or anything. it’s all nice and flat! see?” you gesture towards the zamboni currently making its rounds on the ice, “and we came here just in time for a nice, clean layer of ice for us to skate on. there’s nothing that could go wrong!”

“nothing that could go wrong?!” namjoon gawks, hoisting his foot up so he can rest his ankle across his knee, “look at this thing, y/n! what kind of a shoe is this?” he taps his fingernail against the metal blade before quickly retracting his hand and shuddering, “these things are literal weapons- why can’t i just skate without the skates?”

“because that... wouldn’t be ice-skating anymore? that’d just be... ice-walking. and your sneakers won’t do you any good on the ice, anyway,” you shake your head before shrugging, “the blades are supposed to help you, like- they get a… solid grip on the ice and it helps you move around better, you know? something like that.”

namjoon scoffs and leans back on the bench, “please explain to me how a thin metal blade is supposed to get a solid grip on ice-”

“look, the offer to get you one of those little kiddie things for you to hold onto still stands.” you point over to the front counter, “they have one that looks like a penguin! it’s adorable! i mean, i think it’s a little shorter than your knees so you might have to crouch down a little if i get one for you-”

“wha-” namjoon immediately frowns before crossing his arms, “y/n, i am a grown man. i don’t need to hold onto a penguin-”

“okay, suit yourself!” you chirp, sticking your hand out for him, “c’mon, you manly man. i wanna get on the ice! i’ve been waiting all week for this-”

namjoon grumbles curses under his breath as he pushes himself up off the bench

penguin

he doesn’t need a penguin!

how dare you!!!!!

you can’t help but giggle as you watch him waddle towards you, being very careful not to fall over and twist an ankle

admittedly, bringing namjoon to an ice skating rink probably wasn’t the best idea

one time he sprained his ankle after tripping over literally nothing and he had to use a crutch for like two weeks

he’s verY susceptible to injuries

when he first brought up the idea of going to an ice-skating rink you were going to turn him down and suggest something safer and more namjoon friendly...

but it’s december!

and december is literally the time to go ice-skating!

and there’s always a hot chocolate truck that’s parked right by the rink so hopefully you’ll be able to soothe namjoon’s bruised bum (you’re betting that namjoon’s bum will be all sorts of bruised after ten minutes on the ice) with extra whipped cream and marshmallows

hopefully he won’t be as grumpy as he is now when he’s sipping on a big ol mug of rich, creamy hot chocolate

“we’re going to have so much fun! the last time i went skating, i-” as soon as you slide onto the ice, namjoon suddenly yanks you backwards

you turn to look at him only to see him gripping onto the railing for dear life

he’s not even on the ice yet!

big ol’ wimp

“what’s the matter? cold feet?” you joke, namjoon giving you an unimpressed frown, “what?? you have to admit that was a good joke-”

“that was an awful joke-”

“namjoon…” you purse your lips and place your free hand on your hip, “you know that you have to be on the ice in order to ice skate, right?” you give his hand a reassuring squeeze, “i’m not going to let you fall. i promise! but in the rare case that you do fall, feel free to fall on top of me to cushion your blow. i’ll gladly break a couple of ribs just to keep you from hitting the ground!”

“what happens if you skate circles around me and end up cutting a circle into the ice and then i fall in??”

oh god

here we go

“that’s not going to happen, namjoon.” you shake your head, “because we’re not in a cartoon.”

“what happens if i accidentally fall backwards and end up stabbing myself in the eye with the blade?”

“that’s not going to happen, namjoon- first of all, the tip of the blade is rounded off, so you won’t be stabbing anything at all, and second of all, we both know you’re not nearly flexible enough for your body to be able to bend in half like that-

“what happens if i fall to the ground and someone skates over my fingers and slices them off?!”

“that’s not going to-” you pause for a split second, “well, that could happen, so maybe just don’t fall and remember to keep your hands off the ice-”

“okay, well- i don’t want to do this anymore!!!” namjoon lets go of your hand and you resist the urge to fall to the ground and let out a primal screech of rage, “if there’s even a chance that i’m going to lose the tip of one finger today, there’s no way in hell i’m getting onto the ice-”

“you’re not going to lose any fingers-”

“how can you be so sure?!”

you immediately shut up before reaching up to pinch the bridge of your nose

you love namjoon with all your heart but sometimes he’s just.., a little much

he’s not very big on risk-taking

he’s always been very content just staying within his comfort zone which is fine!

you never pressure him into doing anything if he very clearly is uncomfortable with it

with that being said, it’s just that whenever you even try to nudge him like a centimetre out of his safety bubble, he flips out on you just like how he’s flipping out right now

like that one time you made him try a vanilla bean frappucino (arguably the plainest most basic frappucino flavour on the starbucks menu) instead of his usual iced americano and after he took a sip he accused you of trying to make him get diabetes

it’s not like you’re purposely trying to torment him by forcing him to ice skate

you just wanted to come here and have a good time with your friend!

“namjoon, you seriously need to calm down-”

“i am calm! i am so calm! in fact, i’ve never been MORE CALM-!”

it doesn’t take long for you and namjoon to start bickering with each other, the both of you too wrapped up in yelling at each other to notice the weird glances you’re getting from everyone

“all i’m trying to say is that the only reason why we’re here in the first place is because you said that you wanted to try-”

“yeah, and now i change my mind! what, are you saying i’m not allowed to change my mind?”

“i never- i never said you weren’t allowed to change your mind, i just want you to try to understand that it can be a little frustrating for me to set everything up for you only for you to chicken out at the end-”

“chicken out?! how dare you?! i am not chickening- i’m backing out for the safety of my eyeballs and my hands-”

“i said i would hold your hand the whole time!”

“that’s not secure enough! you holding my hand on slippery ice as a form of safety is equivalent to me getting on a rollercoaster using flimsy shoelaces to tie me to the seat-”

“that’s why i said i would get you the penguin so that you have two handles to hold onto-”

“i don’t want the friggin’ penguin!” namjoon snaps, stepping aside when a little kid nudges past him only to immediately glide onto the ice

the two of you pause to watch him and you gawk when he starts zipping back and forth like a maniac

that could be you right now

you, too, could be having a blast on the ice right now if it weren’t for your manbaby friend over here

you gesture to the random child currently twirling around on the ice before scoffing, “namjoon! look at him! if that literal toddler can do that on the ice, you can at least step forward to stand on the ice-”

“that is not a child, that is just a very tiny professional ice skater-”

you press your lips together in frustration as namjoon continues to list off reasons why the two of you should just go for hot chocolate and then go straight home

and for a second you think about giving up and just giving him what he wants but...

no way!

you are noT letting him talk himself out of this one this time

you wanna go ice skating today and you’re going to figure out a way to make both you and namjoon happy

okay

so he doesn’t want to hold your hand

he doesn’t want the penguin

what other options do you have??

you twiddle with the end of your scarf before pausing and looking down at it

…

lightbulb

»»————-　❄　————-««

“alrighty… how does that feel?” you tighten the knot before giving namjoon’s stomach a pat, “nice and secure?”

yep

that’s right

you ended up tying your scarf around namjoon’s waist like some kind of a leash

you’re really hoping people won’t think this is one of those pet-play situations where namjoon is your human puppy and you’re his BDSM dominatrix

you’re not shaminG the kink or anything!!!

you’re just not into the whole arf arf roll over thing

it probably didn’t help that you wore a leather trench coat today

the weather’s finally cooled down enough for you to wear it so obviouSLY you had to wear your super cool leather trench coat but now you feel like you should take it off just in case it makes you look like you’re... into barking

namjoon hooks a finger into the scarf and gives it a little tug, “…i suppose… this is better than nothing…”

“great!” you sigh in relief, “so… i’m gonna take it nice and slow, okay? we’ll start off with some basic gliding and then we’ll go from there.”

unfortunately the ice is a little rougher now because it took like twenty minutes for namjoon to practice just standing on the ice without toppling over

you’re just glad that he’s now willing to actually give skating a try instead of giving up and going home

this is progress!!

you wonder if you’ll ever be able to convince him to go skydiving with you one day

...baby steps

“so, gliding is kind of like… it’s kind of like marching, i guess?” you hum, “it’ll help you transition into skating. you’re gonna march two steps forward and then let yourself just glide forward…” you wrap the end of the scarf around your fist to really make sure that it won’t slip from your fingers (because you’re 100% sure that namjoon will have a meltdown if you let go of it) as you continue to skate backwards slowly, watching namjoon’s feet like a hawk

you’re surprised he hasn’t fallen yet what with his wobbly knees

“am i… am i doing it??” namjoon asks dumbly and you can’t help but grin when he starts to pick up the movement

thank god he’s a fast learner

“hey, look at you go!” you laugh lightly, giving him a thumbs up, “you’re doing it! i mean, we’re going pretty slowly... but you’re doing it!”

namjoon reaches forward to grab onto the scarf when he wobbles a little and you immediately stop so that he can rebalance himself

(you don’t know how you’re going to catch him if he falls because he’s definitely going to end up crushing you and breaking all the bones in your body)

the two of you spend the next twenty minutes or so slowly making your way around the rink

for the most part, namjoon does just fine

there was one point where a little kid knocked into him from behind and he nearly fell over buT luckily he grabbed onto the railing before anything happened

he looked like he was fully ready to chase after the kid to strangle him but that’s beside the point

you let out an impatient little sigh as people continue to whiz past you

boo

you wanna do some whizzing too!

“are you…” you trail off, looking back over at namjoon, “okay to move on to stroking?”

namjoon’s brows furrow as he lets go of the scarf after regaining his balance, “stroking?”

“mhm!” you nod, turning to glance over your shoulder for a second to make sure there’s no one behind you, subtly skating backwards a tiny bit quicker, “it’s literally just, like, a longer version of gliding. you just extend the same motion for a longer period of time, that’s all.”

“oh... like... like this?” namjoon pushes off a little harder and you nod enthusiastically at the smooth movement

“yeah, there you go!” you laugh when namjoon picks it up with no problem, “look at you! you’re a natural... you might even be better than that tiny professional ice skater from earlier- make sure to lean forward a little…”

namjoon grins excitedly as he continues to glide left and right all while you (unbeknownst to him) gradually pick up your pace while pulling him towards you

hey!

he’s doing it!

this wasn’t as hard as he thought it’d be

he’s doing it!!!!!

and he’s going waY quicker than he originally was, which is probably a good sign, right?

“can i take the lead?” namjoon stands up a little straighter and puffs his chest out, “i wanna lead you now!”

you slow down a little and look down at the scarf that you’re still clutching onto for dear life, “you wanna take th- okay, well, do you want me to untie you?”

“oh no, i think you should still hold onto it just in case, but i wanna lead the way!” namjoon bounces up and down excitedly and clasps his hands together, “please, y/n? you’ve seen how fast i can go now!”

right

he can go super fasT on his own and it’s not because you’ve been pulling him along like a little wagon

you know what

it’s fine

you’re not worried about namjoon leading the way mainly because you know he’s just going to go around and around in slow circles

you could probably get away with closing your eyes while he pulls you around

you snort before nodding and sliding to the side so that he can skate past you, “alright, hotshot. you take the lead. now it’s really going to look like this is a leash- woAH-” your eyes widen in surprise when namjoon suddenly surges forward, his legs going left and right and left and right at a consistent pace-

oh god

okay

you speed yourself up as well to try to keep up with him, keeping your grip tight around your poor stretched out scarf

“namjoon-!” you laugh uneasily, “take it easy, you speed demon-”

“we should go ice skating all the time!” namjoon cheers, raising both his hands up in the air as he continues gliding like a maniac, “isn’t this fun?!”

“oh shit, sorry, excuse me-” you try your best noT to collide with people as you skate past them, “namjoon, i know you think this is fun but i really think you should slow down a little- oh, frick-” you curse to yourself when you notice that your scarf is caught in the clasp of your bracelet

shit!

this scarf was expensive!!!!

there’s no way you’re going to accidentally yanK out the threads and ruin it

“c’mon, stupid thing...” you look up for a brief second to make sure that namjoon’s still going straight and that he’s not about to round a corner or anything before looking back down to try to unhook the thread

you could try tugging on it but you’re worried that it’s going to mess up your scarf and you are noT willing to take that chance

“i’m turning here!”

“uh-huh, yeah...” your tongue pokes out in concentration as you use your nail to try to pluck it out and...

ah!

success!

there we go

no destroyed scarves today!

“what did you just sa-!” your eyes widen in surprise when suddenly the scarf disappears from your fist and you look up to see that the-

SMAK!

»»————-　❄　————-««

...

my head hurts

...

my ass hurts too

...

you peel an eye open slowly before closing it again

holy moly

your head is spinning and your ears are ringing and you’re pretty sure your eyes are permanently crossed because you can’t seem to get your vision to focus

is it possible to feel like you want to throw up and pass out at the same time?

you squeeze your eyes shut before shaking your head a little in a poor attempt to shakE the pain away

jesus

what happened??

the last thing you remember is going full speed on the ice and then everything went black

you push yourself up onto your elbows before looking around

you… are in a van that smells like bleach for some reason

why are you in a van??

oh god

were you kidnapped???

were you chloroformed and kidnapped???

you jump when one of the doors suddenly swings open and you immediately pull your legs up and away so that your kidnapper can’t reach over and drag you out by the legs

“hey, you! how are you feeling?”

“i- um-” you sit up all the way before turning and leaning back against the metal bench screwed into the side of the van, “i think i’m oka- a..a...aaaaaayyyy....?” you trail off dumbly, finding yourself being unable to shut your TRAP

okay

hello

you blink owlishly at the very handsome kidnapper before tilting your head to the side a little

the corners of his mouth twitch in a smile and he mimics your movements, tilting his head as well

maybe… you weren’t kidnapped

you just died and went to heaven, that’s all!

this is heaven

heaven is the back of an impeccably clean van and you are currently staring at a real-life angel

“sorry you woke up all alone, by the way- i just had to ask your friend a couple of questions as to what happened... i also had to comfort him a little because i’m pretty sure he thinks he killed you-”

“i’m sorry, am i not dead? is this not, like, the bus to heaven or something?” you ask, looking around at your surroundings

there’s a lot of medical-related tools and gadgets in here considering the fact that this is heaven

apparently heaven has heart defibrillators which doesn’t make much sense

“hey, hey- relax!” you jump when you feel him wrap his fingers around your ankle to get your attention, “you’re not dead. this isn’t the bus to heaven. you’re just in the back of an ambulance. you got into a little collision with the plexiglass barriers.”

okay

that makes more sense

“oh, thank god.” you breathe out, “because if i did die, then body slamming into plexiglass would’ve been a humiliating way to go.”

“mm, i totally agree. i would’ve been embarrassed having to drag your dead body away from the plexiglass.” mr probably-not-here-to-kidnap-you laughs lightly and opens the door a little wider for himself, “i just wanna patch you up. will you let me do that?”

you feel your mouth go dry when he takes his jacket off

hello broad shoulders

“you can do anything you want to me.” you blurt out, watching in awe as he steps into the ambulance to join you

you’re pretty sure the fact that you might have a mild concussion has something to do with it but your filter has just completely disappeared because jesus christ you want this man to ram into you harder than you rammed into the wall

you just don’t get it

how can one man be so... attractive?

the soft, perfectly tousled hair is right!

the pillowy, cherry-coloured lips are right!

the twinkling brown eyes are right!

the low, soothing voice is right!

the broad shoulders and equally as broad chest... veRY right

everything is just so RIGHT

you swallow thickly when he sits down across from you and crosses his legs, his knees practically pressed right up against yours

you’re certainly not complaining about being so close to him but you’re definitely going to cramp up like this and you always make really weird faces when you get pins and needles shooting up your legs

you move your legs so that your ankles are on either side of his thighs before scooting your bum a little closer towards him

heh >:-)

“can you tell me what your name is?” he asks, pulling a first-aid kit out from under the bench

“y/n y/l/n.” you answer almost instantaneously, keeping your eyes glued on his face as he rummages through the box

“mhm… very good…”

“what’s your name?” you watch as he rips open a little gauze pad

god

even his fingers are pretty

“seokjin.” seokjin smiles sweetly, your heart skipping a beat when he reaches up to brush some hair away from your forehead, “i’m just going to clean your cut up a little bit. stay still for me, yeah?”

you nod obediently and find yourself leaning forward a little bit even though you know you probably don’t need to

“what’s your last name?” you ask, seokjin looking down at you for a brief second before focusing back on the cut on your forehead

“kim. why?”

“just wanted to know what my future surname is going to be, that’s all.”

seokjin snorts before raising a brow, “quite the charmer, aren’t you?”

“it’s not every day that i get to talk to a very handsome ambulance man.”

seokjin chuckles, smoothing his fingers over the pad to make sure that it’s secure before pulling away, “mm, that’s fair. can you tell me what day it is?”

“saturday. which i think is the perfect day out of all of the days to go out on a date, because if we get super drunk and have crazy sex tonight, we can wake up late tomorrow and go out for brunch-!”

seokjin suddenly pinches your lips in between his fingers before frowning in concern, “your bottom lip is a little busted.”

“pheel vfree to kiss it bhetter.” you murmur, seokjin pulling away to rummage through his little kit again, “you look really cute when you’re concerned, by the way.”

“is that so?” seokjin hums, pulling a q-tip out and a tube of what looks to be some kind of a gel, “you can’t go around kissing strangers, you know.”

“you’re an exception.” you grin, dodging the q-tip when seokjin tries to dab some gel on your lip, “i was serious about the date, though. what do you think?”

“i think-” seokjin tries again only for you to turn your head the other way, “i think that you need to stop flirting with me so that i can do my job-”

“i’m letting you do your job!” you argue, “i’m just asking you an innocent question, that’s all-”

“if you were letting me do my job, you would be all patched up by now-” seokjin laughs lightly, shaking his head and leaning backwards when you move your head again, “okay, how about this? i will happily go out with you if you just stay still and let me clean up your lip.”

you perk up immediately, “for real?”

“for real.” he nods, holding the q-tip up, “are you willing to cooperate now?”

“mhm.” you hum contently, leaning forward and immediately pursing your lips, “please fix my lips so they’ll be nice and healed by the time we go out on our date.”

“why? are you planning to do a lot of kissing on our date?” seokjin teases, applying the gel before using the other end to dab off the excess

“that’s for me to know and for you to find out.”

seokjin presses his lips together to hold back a smirk

you are... awfully cheeky, aren’t you?

he’s verY into that

and bonus points because you’re very attractive and definitely his type

“okay, lemme just do one last thing here.” seokjin reaches into his shirt pocket for a little flashlight before reaching over and pinching your chin in between his fingers gently and bringing your face closer to his

“you’re not even going to wait until after our first date to kiss me?” you murmur, your eyes widening slightly, “and i thought i was coming on strong.”

“i’m just checking out your pupils, darling.” seokjin hums, “trust me. you’ll know when i’m about to kiss you.”

you shift in your spot a little as you feel youR cheeks starting to heat up now

oh,.,. how the tables have turned.,,.

seokjin’s just glad that he finally figured out how to get you to stay still so that he can get along with his procedures smoothly

“hi, pretty girl…” seokjin coos, raising your eyelid gently so that he can get a good look at your pupils, “mhm, that’s right… just keep your eyes on me…”

gladly

you’d keep your eyes on seokjin for the rest of your liFE if you could

“is this finally the part where you kiss me?”

“nice try, cheeky.”

»»————-　❄　————-««

“so y/n’s going to be okay?” namjoon chews on his thumbnail anxiously and you reach over to pat his knee reassuringly

the poor thing is going to chew his entire hand off if he doesn’t stop soon

he joined you on the ambulance ten minutes ago but for eight whole minutes was just profusely apologizing to you (“i’ll never put on another pair of skates for as long as i’ll live!” “namjoon, it’s fine-” “for as long aS I LIVE-”)

seokjin nods as he packs up his kit and slides it back underneath the bench, “y/n’s going to be just fine. you can relax!”

“namjoon - you’re acting like you ran me over with a monster truck. i’m fine!”

“how many fingers am i holding up?” namjoon holds up three fingers and you blink at him before raising a brow

“obviously five.”

namjoon’s eyes widen in panic and he turns back to look at seokjin, “y-you said she was fine!”

“three! three fingers, you’re holding up three fingers-” you giggle, reaching forward to push namjoon’s hand back down, “seriously, joon... i’m fine! i swear.”

“alright, all you have to do is keep her company during the ride.” seokjin clears his throat, “i want to do a couple of scans at the hospital just in case!”

“aw, but i don’t want namjoon to keep me company-” you whine quietly, leaning against namjoon’s shoulder as you look up at jin, “why can’t you keep me company instead?”

“someone has to drive the ambulance.” seokjin teases, reaching down to pinch the apple of your cheek gently, “i’m all yours at the hospital.”

“namjoon can drive.” you push your bottom lip out in a pout before batting your lashes at him, “don’t you wanna hang out with me?”

“if namjoon’s driving skills are as good as his skating skills, i think i’m going to have to pass.” jin laughs lightly, sliding back into his jacket “we can hang out once we get to the hospital.”

namjoon narrows his eyes suspiciously as he glances back and forth between the two of you

...

..,.,...the energy in here...,.,..

.,,.,.,,the vibes,.,..,

someone definitely wants to fuck someone

seokjin sighs to himself as he hops into the driver’s seat before slamming the door shut

he pulls his phone out to check the time before smiling to himself because :-) your number is on his phone :-)

he wasn’t expecting to get a cute girl’s number today but he welcomes this surprise with open arms!

“y/n y/l/n...” he murmurs under his breath, reaching up to adjust the mirror

your name does seem like it’d fit with his surname

his ears prickle when he hears your muffled voice through the thin partition and he leans back a little so he can do some sneaky eavesdropping

“i am planning... to have so much sex with that man. but in like a romantic way, you know? because i’m classy like that.”

seokjin snorts to himself before shoving the key into the ignition

(for the record: he feels the exact same way as you do).

christmas with cee 2020 masterlist

🎁what would you like from ceenta this year? 🎁

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missdawnandherdusk · 4 years

Text

Rita Skeeter’s Scoop

Draco X Gryffindor!Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

Part 13 Part 14

Summary: All is fair in love and war, but why did it have to be a war? And when did you say that you wanted to fight?

Archive of Our Own Link

A/n: Hello my darlings! Welcome to the next part and honestly it took me a while to figure out where I wanted to take this, so please enjoy the angsty fluff of this chapter and I’m happy to introduce Susan! (you’ll understand later). I love you guys so much you have no idea, please don’t stop commenting, reblogging and liking, you have no idea how much it excites me and motivates me to keep writing. ALSO GUYS TOM FELTON IS GOING TO BE AT THE COMICON NEAR ME AND YOU BET YOUR GALLEONS THAT I AM DROPPING COLLEGE MONEY TO GO AND MEET THAT MAN

............................

BLOOD FEUD GONE HAYWIRE AT HOGWARTS?

By Rita Skeeter

“Albus Dumbledore, eccentric Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has never been afraid to make controversial visitor decisions, writes Rita Skeeter, Special Correspondent. Over the summer of this year it was decided that the Triwizard Tournament was to be held at Hogwarts to many parents’ dismay as their children were entered into the Tournament without their permission. The Tournament is notorious for the fatalities that it has inflicted among many young unexperienced wizards thirsting for glory. However, this looks responsible and kindly when set beside the fiasco Dumbledore claims to be the Yule Ball.

The Yule Ball, only held upon the year of the Triwizard Tournament, was held upon the Christmas holiday at the school endorsed by Dumbledore and his staff. This year, however, the guest list was not so carefully taken to, endangering the students of three wizarding schools.

A young naïve and foolish fourth year Hogwarts student was taken under the Imperius Curse and forced to do the bidding of the assailant. It seems that this was in place because of a disgrace among pure-blood families. While Dumbledore turns a blind eye, this disgrace has largely affected every student in the school along with its visitors claiming it’s “very shameful.”

“I was coerced as well, and my friend Draco Malfoy was only afraid of the blood traitor that he had to play along with her plan unless he too wanted to be cursed,” says Pansy Parkinson, another fourth-year student. “We all hate her, but we’re too afraid of her family to say anything,”

Y/n Lupine has no intention of ending this scourge of disgrace and intimidation, however. In conversation with her family, she admitted manipulating Mr. Malfoy in what she has dubbed the “Consentire Animi Pace,” an outdated excuse for coercion from a desperate lover. This bond, however, is overlooked by the Ministry, and they have not confirmed that there has been a case in over four hundred years. Lupine, however, considers herself to be above such petty notions.

The Consentire Animi Pace was an old tradition that has faded into prophecy and is a poor excuse for the forceful attitude from Lupine. Not but a few months prior to the Ball she and Mr. Malfoy blatantly hated another. “They were at each other’s throats,” Another student comments. “It was a peaceful day when they didn’t see each other,”

So how did these two, descendants of powerful pure-blood rivals go from enemies to lovers at a Ball in a matter of months? Some suspect the use of the Imperius Curse inflicted upon Malfoy by Lupine against his will. It is known that the students of Hogwarts were taught the Unforgivable Curses in class weeks before the two ‘lovers’ got together. The relationship of Lupine and Malfoy are frowned upon by Malfoy’s parents. “She is a filthy blood-traitor and has seduced my son into this relationship for her own personal gain. It is known that the Lupines always held a grudge against the Malfoys. This must be a new tactic for a new generation.””

.......................

My hands shook as I finished reading the article.

“Are you kidding me!?” I screeched. “Who... how does she even...” I exclaimed and threw the paper down, pacing the common room, Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s eyes on my frantic form.

“No one believes it,” Hermione clarified quickly. “Everyone here knows what really happened,”

“Do they?” I snapped. “Do they really?”

She looked down and I took a deep breath, rubbing my face. My thoughts spiraled. Everyone in the wizarding world would be reading this and apparently make me out to me some sort of whore of Babylon trying to seduce Draco to be with me.

“I... I have to find him,” I realized. “I...”

“Y/n, just think about this a moment,” Hermione interjected. “This Skeeter woman is out there, and as soon as she knows you ran to Draco after reading her piece, what is she going to think?”

“I don’t give a flying fuck about what she thinks!” I screamed.

They all stared at me in shock and a few lingering first years scurried away—I never cursed, in front of anyone, ever.

“Y/n,” Harry began.

I narrowed my eyes at him letting him know he was on thin ice.

“Take my invisibility cloak and map. Go find him.” The olive branch startled me.

“What?”

“I know what it’s like to be talked about in papers.” He sympathized. “You don’t deserve this. Not after what you did, or rather didn’t do,”

I wanted to cry at his words.

“Thank you, Harry,” I got out, sinking back onto the sofa as he went up to his room to collect the promised items.

I went to pick up the article again, to reread it, but Hermione stopped me, taking it from my hands.

“You don’t need to reread it and get worked up again,” She chided softly.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” I whispered, glancing over at her.

“It’s alright. I’m just as furious as you are. That... cow of a woman.” Hermione shook her head. “We’re going to get to the bottom of this alright?”

I nodded and my eyes darted up as Harry came back, placing the map and cloak in my hands.

“You know how to work the map?” He clarified.

I nodded, fastening the cloak around my shoulders and taking out my wand.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” I muttered darkly, tapping the map, watching the paper come to life. “Thank you, Harry, he’d appreciate it too,”

“Just go,” He ushered, and I was off under the safety of the cloak led by the marauder’s map.

It didn’t take long for me to find Draco. His footsteps showed me that he was just outside of Snape’s office and heading my way. He probably went straight to Snape about the article and didn’t have the two cents from his friends about tact.

“Mischief managed,” I hissed before tucking the map into my robe.

Rushing down the chilly hallways, I hissed Draco’s name before grabbing his hand and pulling him under the cloak, quickly covering his mouth before he could scream in surprise or fear. He relaxed when his eyes landed on me. Nodding, I dropped my hand.

“Y/n, I swear I’ll fix this,” He hissed softly. “That Skeeter is going to regret ever messing with me and hurting you.”

“Draco, we don’t exactly have a lot of power here,” I argued. “With your father against us as well as this Skeeter, whatever we say, will be twisted and it’ll get worse.” That was the hopeless thought that dragged me down. “We really can’t fix this,”

“So, what do we do? I won’t let her do this to you or your family!” He insisted.

Shushing him, I took his hand and led him down the hallway to the Gryffindor Portrait. Unveiling myself from the cloak, I said the password and the portrait opened.

“Go,” I hissed softly, praying that Draco got the hint as I lingered about half a minute then hopefully followed him through the door, closing it behind me.

“I didn’t mean bring him here!” Harry huffed as I handed back his cloak and map.

“Sorry,” I gave a weak smile. “But I don’t feel safe talking about anything outside in the halls.”

“Do you understand what you’ve done?” Hermione nearly shrieked. “What’s going to happen when Skeeter finds out that Draco’s been in here at night? What were you thinking!?”

Dread weighed like a thick blanket over me. I sank into a chair and stared at the fire, not seeing a way out of this.

“Lay off!” Draco scolded, kneeling beside me. “She can’t spend every moment questioning everything she does!” He defended me, taking my hand and rubbing it softly.

“I wasn’t saying that she should—” Hermione began and was silenced by a cold glare from Draco. I could almost hear the insults that he wanted to hurl at her, like they were tangible.

“It’s okay Dray,” I soothed. “She’s worried and looking out for me. They all are. Please... don’t fight. I can’t handle fighting right now,” My voice was shaky as fear played like a broken record in my mind.

I stood, Draco rising with me, his hands resting at my waist, an anchor in the midst of this hell storm. I laid my head on his shoulder as silent tears slipped out. Hermione was at my other side, rubbing my arm.

“We’ll sort this out Y/n,” Harry promised.

“I’m so stupid,” I mumbled. “This is all my fault,”

“This is not your fault,” Four voices joined together.

“It’s this wretched Skeeter woman,” Hermione hissed.

“And my father,” Draco snarled, his grip on me tightening.

I could feel the anger and betrayal radiating off of him. We hadn’t really talked about his father’s hand in all of this. I didn’t want to bring it up and he didn’t want to mention it, so it left us at an impasse. Maybe we should have talked about it sooner.

I wiped my tears away and took a deep breath.

“Okay, so what are we going to do?” I asked, turning to my group of friends.

“You could give her an interview,” Ron suggested.

“No, she couldn’t,” Hermione rolled her eyes. “Whatever Y/n says is going to be used against her,”

“We can write to the paper, tell them that it’s wrong,” Harry pointed out.

“And how bad will that look on us?” I retorted. “New headline ‘Seductress tries to cover the truth.’ No, I don’t think... I don’t think there is anything we can do,”

“What?”

“I... I can’t do anything, we as a group can’t. All I can do is hold my head high and know who I am and what’s true,” I intertwined my fingers with Draco’s.

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze as impressed looks fell upon their faces.

“Well, I know that Skeeter is banned from school grounds, so just be careful I guess,” Ron chimed in.

I nodded and took a deep breath.

“You won’t be alone, Y/n,” Draco remarked. “I’ll be here, we all will,” His eyes swept the room. “We know who you are too,”

I nodded.

“And that’s all that matters,” I whispered weakly.

It was easier said than done, however. After taking Draco to his dorm under the cloak and heading back, curling up into bed, I finally broke down into tears, each of Rita’s words like a stab to the heart. It tore me up inside of how cruel she was to me, and I had never even met her. Hermione, if she heard my cries through my pillow, didn’t prattle me. Instead, she left me in peace to fall apart, and I was grateful.

The next morning, McGonagall called me to her office, to get the true story and to reinforce that I was not alone here at school, and if I needed anything to come to her and she would see that it was done. It took a lot for me not to break down in tears again in her office. With a biscuit she sent me off to breakfast.

Then the mail started to come in. From people I didn’t know and addresses I didn’t recognize. I didn’t dare to open any of them. Instead they were thrown into the fireplace without a second thought. The only letters I opened were from my mother or Mrs. Weasley, or anyone I knew well enough to care about what they thought. Most offered their sympathies. My mother was furious, as to be expected, but I wrote her back quickly before she did anything rash.

The fear always lingered, however. And with Pansy still miraculously walking the halls of Hogwarts, I felt smaller than ever. I hesitated to hold Draco’s hand or show any form of affection towards him. I know he didn’t hold it against me, but it was a new layer of guilt on my soul.

_____________________________

Draco gave you a week to find a new sort of normal and to stop moping—not that he’d tell you that’s what you were doing because you’d argue with him, but you were moping.

It was that Monday morning that he had enough. You were fine with doing nothing and taking all of the hate and living in fear, but he wasn’t. It killed him to see your flame so dull. He missed you, the real you. Not whatever front you were putting up.

So, after writing a very strongly worded letter to his father and mother alike, he took your hand on the way from breakfast and pulled you to the trail that led to Hogsmeade. You had said you weren’t going, but he wasn’t having that. You were his girlfriend and hell be damned if he wasn’t going to show you off.

“Draco, no,” Your voice wavered in fear. “I can’t.”

He turned and cradled your face in his hands.

“This fear needs to stop my love,” He crooned softly. “I miss you, the real you. I hate that she’s doing this to you. Please, go out with me. Let me show you off and buy you ridiculously expensive things and overpriced chocolates, that you won’t eat because you don’t like chocolate,” He amended quickly.

A smile played at your lips, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes yet.

“Please Y/n, I don’t want you to be afraid. I want you to be with me, I want to kiss you in public and have you on my arm. I want you to be my girl and I want everyone else to know that. I don’t give a damn about what the papers say. You’re mine and I love you and I’m not letting you mope anymore,” He panted softly, awaiting your response. “Please go out with me today,”

You blinked slowly, as if you were clearing away the haze in your eyes as you beamed up at him, jumping into his arms.

“I don’t want anything that expensive,” You muttered, and he laughed, the first time that he had a week. “Let me go get my jacket and what not and we’ll go,”

He waited for you outside the common room and you came out, wrapped in his scarf, the jacket and gloves from your mother and snow boots on that had to be new.

Offering his arm, he grinned as the two of you made your way down the hall cozied up together, smiles on the faces of those you passed.

“Long live the prince and princess!” George shouted as you two walked past him and Fred on your way to Hogsmeade.

A laugh escaped your lips for the first time since the article came out and it was the most wonderful thing that Draco had ever heard. You looked up at him, snow on your eyelashes, your nose and cheeks pink from the cold. You were beautiful when you smiled, and he would never take it for granted again.

______________________________

Draco and I ducked into Madam Puddifoot's tea shop and I welcomed the warmth with open arms. For the first time, the article faded from my mind and I allowed myself to be happy with Draco—even though he did order me a ridiculously expensive tea and so many little cakes. To be honest, they were the most enjoyable things I’d had in a long while.

The company was quite enjoyable as well. Now that I wasn’t... moping (I’ll admit it, I was) I realized what Draco had meant by missing the ‘real’ me. I could tease and taunt him, then go red when he’d take it a bit too far and make it slightly inappropriate, before kissing me softly as an apology.

We strolled about Hogsmeade, when my eyes lingered on a storefront for a bit too long, Draco would pull me inside and let me look around. I was cautious to pick things up however, in fear that he might actually take up on his words and buy me things.

However, I tripped up on my caution as a miniature Spindle Tree grew beautifully in Dogweed’s shop window, victim to a shrinking spell, but all the beautiful just the same. Draco rolled his eyes, smiling, dragging me inside, letting me cradle the small plant as he paid for it. The shop tender assured me that it would grow in any conditions and if I had any problems to bring it back.

“I think I’ll name her Susan,” I mused, holding the small pink plant to the sun. “What do you think?”

“You’re going to name it?” He laughed.

“Of course,” I grinned. “So... Susan?”

“Sure love,” He chuckled, wrapping an arm around me. “Whatever you want,”

Part 16?

Tags: @un-limiteddd @geekysimmerthings @coffee-addicti @ilikestuffproductions @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @dolphincommander @bisexualbumblebeesstuff @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @jillanaholland @shookyungsoo @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey @theres-a-dog-outside-omg @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @mccloudchloe @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @littlethingsinmymindla @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @mccloudchloe @braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @go-whovian-universe @darcypottah @atomicpunkrock

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katherinemallory · 3 years

Text

#6 A sign from the stars

You can find the previous chapters here: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5

In the last few days it seemed I hardly recognized myself. One Friday I stayed at the MI6 Headquarters much longer than usual, because I needed to finish all the work before the weekend. I wanted to prevent anyone from bothering me on one of my free days, so I did everything I could to make sure I didn't forget about anything. It was getting dark outside the windows, as 8 P.M. got closer, so I drew the curtains before I sat in my armchair.

I was trying to relax and regain the energy. I've just finished preparing some of the documents I had to deliver directly to M, but didn’t intend to go there just yet. I needed a short break. I waited there for 15 minutes, doing absolutely nothing, apart from listening to the cars that were passing by the MI6 Headquarters outside the window. Then I locked my office and went to the last floor.

I was wondering whether Eve would still be working that late in the evening. My assumption was that she would stay in the building as long as Mallory was there. But with Mallory... you could never know for sure. No one was fully aware of his schedule... perhaps for safety reasons.

The corridors on the last floor were empty and it felt like the whole building has been abandoned. You could hear quiet phone conversations from behind the doors, but that late in the evening it felt a bit as if the ghosts had invaded the place.

I knocked on Eve’s door twice, but didn't hear that welcoming voice in response. I was extremely tired, barely could see anything with my eyes, and I wanted to go home so badly, that I ignored the basic savoir-vivre rules and went inside even though I had not been invited.

There was no one sitting behind Eve's desk. The lights were off, and with all the important stuff left on the desk I felt like a burglar.

Great, I thought. There is no one around to assist me. I can't leave these documents here, not making sure they would go directly to Mallory... but I can't step into his office either if he's not here!

To me it seemed like he wasn't there. The omnipresent silence suggested that the office was empty, but I didn’t have much choice. Damn it, I'm going to check if the door is open...

I placed my hand on the doorknob and pushed the famous maroon door. To my surprise, the door has opened, but no one greeted me, which meant I've just broken into M's office.

The interior looked quite mysterious. Just as in the previous room, the lights were off, but the office wasn't covered in total darkness, as someone didn't draw the curtains next to the M's desk. The city lanterns’ light was trying to reach the book shelves behind the desk. For a moment I wondered what kind of books does my supervisor enjoy the most.

I went straight to his desk, my moves being extremely clumsy. The only thing I had in my mind was to do it as quickly as possible and leave.

When I stopped in front of the desk and placed the documents on it, I felt my heart *racing* in my chest. I tried to remain calm. Calm down, Kath. You *had* to deliver this directly to Mallory... and you just did it. Calm down. There's nothing wrong with you being alone in your supervisor's office. I had trouble with convincing myself of that. That is probably why I didn't hear someone coming inside.

I didn't hear the footsteps. I realized that someone has joined me only seconds before being hugged from behind. I felt the warmth of a man’s body.

"Someone has broken into her supervisor's office?" whispered a pair of lips that gently kissed me on the neck, refusing to wait for my response.

A familiar voice had come from the lips that kissed me. I knew exactly who that man was.

"I came to bring you... the documents... you had asked for... earlier today... sir," I said, staying still: having M's desk in front of me, and unable to see the face of the man who was still holding me in his arms.

"Thank you, Katherine," he replied, while he moved his hands to my waist. "But it would be a waste of time... to come here only to bring me documents."

He kissed my neck once again, this time more predatory, and turned me around.

At first, I only saw his silhouette in the office's darkness, but soon recognized Mallory's face thanks to the dim light coming from outside the window. I was both astonished and thrilled, and, as a result, unable to move. He held me tight in his arms, looking deeply into my eyes.

"I *couldn't* wait any longer," confessed Mallory and smelled my hair. "Since your first day in the section I've been thinking about you..." he made a pause and hungrily glanced at my lips. “So I stepped in when I saw you here. I just hope..." he whispered, "... I just hope you're okay with that."

I couldn't believe my own ears, but I knew exactly *what* I wanted to do and *how much* I wanted to do it. I seductively bit my lower lip and then slowly raised my right hand and caressed his cheek, admiring his face for a brief moment.

"The feeling's mutual, sir," I said breathlessly and kissed him.

My hands laid on his chest, impatiently exploring his body in the dark. He continued to kiss me passionately as he lifted me onto his desk, while I started to unbutton his shirt. We got lost in the moment completely: he, caressing my hair and my back, and me, sitting on his desk, with my hands taking off Mallory's braces...

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

I opened my eyes, as the alarm clock rang. I looked around, expecting Mallory to be lying in my bed next to me, but I was the only person in the room. So, that was only a dream... such a shame, I thought, as I touched my neck as if I were a man who intended to kiss me.

I wasn't in the good mood. Who would like to come back to reality after such a night? But I got out of bed to turn the clock off and to check my phone. Still no response from 007... You have really screwed this up, Kath.

I wasn't sure how many days or weeks have passed since my failed mission and the infamous conversation I had with Bond. I stopped to count them.

The life in the double-0 section has slowed down, but there was one thing to look forward to. All of us had to attend a one-on-one meeting with M who has been trying to figure out if there's a leak in the section.

I looked at my wall calendar only to discover that today was the day of mine "interrogation" with Mallory. Maybe that's why I had such a spicy dream tonight... cause my heart gets crazy before our every meeting... And let’s be honest Kath, your subconscious wants him *really* badly.

The truth was that I missed Mallory dearly, as I haven't ran into him in the recent days. It was an uncomfortable feeling - to miss someone you don’t know much about, but at the same time be aware of the fact that this *someone* makes you unable to sleep at night. I found myself regularly thinking about his mysterious green eyes and dark brown hair. I *loved* looking at him when he was giving orders to other double-0s, talking to Eve, or even just wandering around the corridors. The way he moved like seemed fairly attractive to me... Was I being ridiculous? Was I really in love with him? I wasn’t sure, but I was *craving* for my next meeting with Mallory.

I was nearly ready, drinking my everyday cup of Earl Grey and eating breakfast, when my phone rang unexpectedly. I had to stand up to pick it up.

It was Eve. Did the hour of my "interrogation" change?

"Hello, Eve, what's up?"

She sounded a bit strange, as if she was afraid to tell me why she has called me.

"Hi, Kath," she said in a faint voice. "Have you... left your apartment already?"

"No," I replied. "But I will do it in 15 minutes time."

"Well... in that case... don't leave your place then."

The way Eve said the last few words made me feel really worried.

"Why so? Eve, what is going on??" I said nervously, but determined to uncover the truth. "You sound differently than usual... did something happen??"

"Y-y-yes," faltered Eve. "Do you remember our last conversation about M when you said..."

"Yes, I remember," I interrupted her. "Though I’m not sure what that has to do with this..."

"Well Kath... I'm really sorry to tell you this, but... 003 who had his meeting before you... he tried to assassinate M."

"WHAT?!" I exclaimed and fell on the couch. I began to tremble. "He tried to do WHAT...? Is M alright???"

"He was taken to the hospital a while ago," responded Eve. "A stab wound to the left arm. 003 attacked M with a letter opener from his own desk..." she made a pause and then sighed. "It was really awful, Kath. I was behind the door and could do absolutely nothing! I didn't even know something was going on there! M must have pressed this button under his desk to signalize emergency... the guards came into the office very quickly and took 003 to the isolation room but... M's arm has been already covered in blood. When I saw him I nearly fainted... and then I thought of you... since you feel something for him..."

"How serious is his injury?" I asked immediately, being surprised by my ability to remain rational.

"I have no idea, Kath. But I'll keep you posted."

"Thank you so much Eve... I really appreciate that you've called me..."

I suddenly realized that something was not right. Again, I was surprised by the fact I was able to think straight in such an emotional situation.

"... but Eve, why you've told me to stay home? I can come to work and continue with the documents..."

"No, Kath, I'm sorry, but you can't," she said. "003's last mission was set in that area in Australia where Abbruscato wanted to buy mines... and since you and Amanda were both so close to him... you're first ones on the list of suspects. I'm sorry, but..."

She didn't have to explain this to me. This is how the world of espionage looks like.

"... but we're under arrest," I said calmly as I opened the curtains, and looked through the window to see the street. "The guards are coming right now, aren't they?"

"Yes, they left a while ago. They will stay at your door until the investigation's over."

I became quiet.

"Katherine, are you still there?"

"Yeah...” I answered, staring at the street and tucking the hair behind my left ear. “Thank you, Eve. Thank you so much," I said briefly and I hanged up.

After a while, I was sitting on my couch, looking on my cup of cold Earl Grey.

I didn't want to talk anymore. To anyone.

Just as in my dream, I couldn’t move. It seemed like I lost the ability to feel anything because of the unexpectedness of the news. If someone came to me and wanted to hurt me in any way, I wouldn’t care at all. I just wanted to know how’s Mallory.

So this was the real meaning of my dream... It was a warning. A prediction. A telepathic sign from Mallory? A sign from the stars telling me something terrible has happened to the man I love?

Wait, did I just think that? Did I just call Mallory the man I *love*?

***

To be continued.

#james bond #bond james bond #007 #fanfiction #james bond fanfiction #gareth mallory #m #katherine mallory #002 #eve moneypenny

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radramblog · 3 years

Text

Adventures in the Forgotten Realms Commanders

Due to circumstances I won’t get into at time of writing (don’t worry it’s mostly good) I’ve been forced, dragged over, and required to actually fucking read all the new Commanders from Magic’s newest set, Adventures in the Forgotten Realms. I’ve only recently gotten deeper into D&D, I don’t know who like any of these clowns are (except Tiamat, obviously).

Also due to circmstances beyond my control (that are less good but understandable) my Commander night has been called off and I don’t get to play with my shiny new Cabal Coffers. It’s a bit sad, and it means I want to get my fix elsewhere.

What better way than to combine these two and just write about every AFR ‘mander? That’ll pass the time. There’s like, what, 30? I can manage that if I’m quick. Let’s get into it.

(No I’m not doing the precon cards I haven’t been staring at those all week)

Acererak the Archlich

The way I see this guy going is one of two things. You either do infinite Venture by making him free (not too hard in Black, what with Heartless Summoning, Carnival of Souls, etc.) and have a probably fine combo commander. For the record, infinite Venture does kill your opponents flat-out, BUT only because of Lost Mine of Phandelver’s Dark Pool room, and only if their life totals are lower than your deck count because you’re going to be drawing it in the process. That shouldn’t be an issue, but you never know.

The other option is just playing him fairly, which requires completing Tomb of Annihilation, and you just have a kinda mid Stax commander I guess? Eh.

Asmodeus the Archfiend

This Devil is clearly trying to echo prior Demons like Griselbrand and Vilis, but I’m not sure it’s going to be successful- if only because the mana investment means it’s a lot slower. And if he gets killed when you don’t have B up? Blown the fuck out. Add in no evasion and this is a God I’m happy to pass on.

Barrowin of Clan Undurr

Okay so this is kind of like Alesha, in less colours and more mana, if you manage to complete a dungeon. And there aren’t that many dungeon cards, so you’re probably playing some bad ones to make up for it. This is definitely a 99’er in that Esper Dungeon precon, and certainly not a commander.

Bruenor Battlehammer

In an attempt to solve one of Boros’s problems, Bruenor saves you a bunch of mana on equips and makes shit like Argentum Armor substantially more playable. He also gets kinda fuckin beefy with even just a few on him, hitting that 7 no matter what the first one is and 11 not long after. As far as Boros Boys go, you can do a lot worse!

Delina, Wild Mage

Didn’t we just get this card? Like, in C21? This is harder to make busted than Rionya, but it is cheaper and works with legends, so fair call. There’s not enough “advantage” dice mechanics in Red, certainly, so you can’t go probability-mad with this, but it’s pretty decent value. It also happens to be a Shaman, so it works with that new MH2 card, and that’s fun.

Drizzt Do’Urden

This guy has a lot of potential, and for added bonus, he has a cat! A lot of the cards that are good in this are the ones that are good in, say, Varolz, but honestly if you just want to play Selesnya Beatsticks then Drizzt might be the way to go. Can’t play him in Cats, though, unless you want to lose Kaheera, so.

Ebondeath, Dracolich

Yeah I don’t think this one was for this format? I mean it’s super recursive, and probably a really good candidate for a Homicidal Seclusion/Deadly Wanderings deck. I think we need one or two more of that effect to make it actually playable, but I still like the idea.

Wait why isn’t this fucker a skeleton? WoTC Pls.

Farideh, Devil’s Chosen

Look, I tried. I really tried, but there really just isn’t enough to make Farideh work yet. At least in black-border, as I think she’s probably one of the best silver-bordered commanders printed in a minute. A shame, because I sure do enjoy Tieflings, and the effect is legitimately solid if you can trigger it consistently.

Grazilaxx, Illithid Scholar

While I imagine it’s a perfectly solid commander in their own right, basically Mono-Blue Edric but not group-huggy, where this is going to really shine is in Ninja decks. Holy shit, this is so nutty for those. Honestly, ETB decks in general are going to like them, because the choice of either taking damage and letting them draw or letting them reuse a powerful ETB is pretty tough. I like everything about this, except the art, because I’m not into tentacles no thank you.

Gretchen Titchwillow

When Strixhaven came out, I thought Zimone was going to be the most boring Simic commander we’d ever see. But here comes Gretchen to outdo them.

Look, Simic can do good designs. Even at uncommon- Imoti, Moritte, and Eutropia are all super interesting in my opinion. But Simic being just draw and lands has become a meme, and I’m sick of it. Extremely so, for three main reasons- one, it’s boring, two, it’s been all over the place since WoTC decided +1/+1 counters being their only theme was bad (and, fair,) and three, it’s good.

Gretchen is the most boring card in the entire set, in my opinion, and I sure hope she isn’t a cool character in the lore because that’d be such a waste.

Hama Pashar, Ruin Seeker

There are 21 venture cards in Azorius, and some of them are even good. Most of the Room effects are pretty minor, however, save for some of the endgame ones (and copying Cradle of the Death God is pointless, Atropal is legendary), so copying them isn’t actually a huge amount of value. I’d still play this in Esper Venture, but I don’t think I’d build around it.

Icingdeath, Frost Tyrant

While this clearly isn’t built for this format, equipping this dragon with it’s own tongue is kind of a hilarious idea. You could do worse for Voltron decks, I guess, and in the 99 it’s both a thing to slap equipment on and an equipment itself- like a flying (and weaker) Halvar. Eh? I just wish the token wasn’t legendary- like yeah Flavour but this effect gets a lot worse when you can’t recur it. It’s rare that someone goes out of their way to kill an equipment that isn’t super busted, so Frost Tongue is probably hanging around for a while anyway.

Man, it feels awful if they bolt this one, huh?

Inferno of the Star Mounts

Okay this is fucking cool. It’s a Shivan Dragon with haste, and that ability is probably pretty feasible to activate- keep in mind Braid of Fire and Neheb and the like are in the format- and combined with a swing will just kill someone. In fact, when I saw this, my brain immediately started looking for ways to shrink it, just so you can get multiple 20-damage wallops in a turn.

…there aren’t very many. But still! Even if you can’t get to 20 multiple times in a turn, getting to 21 once or twice is pretty good!

Iymrith, Desert Doom

The fourth of our dragon cycle, because hey, it is Dungeons and Dragons. Iymrith reads basically identical to Dragonlord Ojutai, but without White- and for that kinda control deck, White is pretty nice to have. Iymrith can draw you more cards than Ojutai, but only if you’re low, in a blue deck, in Commander, so. With that said, a deck that just loads this with cheap auras/equipment might actually be pretty good, since they can load you back up on cards and keep the Voltron flowing, so, maybe? I’d honestly consider it if I didn’t already have Mono-blue Voltron as a deck.

Kalain, Reclusive Painter

Okay this is super interesting. He is, unfortunately kinda fighting with the RB precon face, Prosper, for the new RB treasure deck, but for an uncommon there’s a fair bit going on here.

Actually, wait, is there? I thought about this for another couple seconds, and I don’t think this card actually does that much. It’s one treasure, and it benefits you a little bit for doing something you frankly don’t really want to be burning treasures on? Like it probably plays a mean Marionette Master, but everyone does that.

There really aren’t any other RB Artifact commanders, though, aside from Prosper or a partner deck. So ehhhh? Why are more people playing this than, like, Bruenor?

Krydle of Baldur’s Gate

That’s a lot of words that don’t actually do a whole lot. I like the second ability, but Commander and especially Dimir aren’t hurting for evasion options. This is probably pretty good in Rogues, but that deck has a de facto best commander now, so. If this came out like, five years ago, it’d be kinda hype, but not anymore.

As an aside, I do kinda hate it when they just print a Tribal commander (or anything like this) that’s just miles and miles better than every other commander for that archetype, like with Anowon 2 or Edgar Markov or Anje Falkenrath. Wait….those are all vampires…….

Minsc, Beloved Ranger

Shivam Bhatt did a fucking excellent breakdown of this character’s lore on twitter, which I recommend reading- the history of D&D’s lore is fucking wild. As it is, this seems like a pretty fun Naya commander- there’s plenty of creatures that get way better if you make them large, even if targeting Boo seems kinda pointless.

Also, I need someone to explain to me why the “Top Cards” on EDHREC for this guy right now are, like, all combo cards.

WAIT NO FIGURED IT OUT, unlike Marath he doesn’t say X can’t be 0 so you can use him as a sac outlet, for fucks sake people.

Nadaar, Selfless Paladin

Hey remember all the things I said about the WB and WU dungeon cards? I mean, at least this guy could theoretically complete the dungeon on his own, but Mono-White is even more restrictive for what you could get, so. At least he draws a card every so often. And that anthem isn’t even remotely worth it, at all.

Old Gnawbone

Green eating up more of the colour pie, I see. Now to be fair, I’ve pondered Mono-Green artifacts for a while, and this is probably a better leader for that list than Oviya Pashiri (but…I like her….), but beyond that I’m not sure what you’re doing with this. I guess people playing Sakiko because they think she’s actually good and not because they like her have a new commander.

This is fuckbusted in the 99 of like a million decks though. So there’s that.

Orcus, Prince of Undeath

That…is so much mana. In a colour combo not especially great at garnering lots of it. The second ability scales fairly well, and it is a decent body on its own, but I don’t think this is going to be a particularly popular commander. Like, you have to pump 6 mana into this just to get a 2-drop back or to Infest the board? And that’s just the first time you cast it? Nahhhhh.

Oswald Fiddlebender

Artifact Pod? Yeah, okay, sure, that seems reasonable at two mana. Keeping this mono-white was a good idea, I can’t imagine how insane this’d be in blue. I’m no artifacts expert, I’m no pod expert, but this has to be busted, right? Like surely there’s an easy way to infinite this? Someone with more brains figure it out for me, but either way it’s still a bunch of value and also a tutor in the zone.

(convert two random 2-mana rocks or wellsprings into Basalt Monolith/Rings of Brighthearth, okay that’s a good start)

Shessra, Death’s Whisper

…ehhhhhhh. Okay, so, it’s a significantly worse Deathreap ritual in the command zone, and also a terrible Lure effect. Along with the flavour words on this taking up much more space than necessary, making the effects look much bigger and better than they are. Would it have hurt to give this deathtouch? Make it trigger on every end step? Lure more than once? I dunno, this just seems painfully weak to me. We’ve had an overabundance of Golgari commanders recently, to be fair- MH2 had 3, and before that was the enemy focused Strixhaven/C21, but that’s no excuse for this to be such trash- just look at Bruenor.

Targ Nar, Demon-Fang Gnoll

I hope you like Gnolls, because that’s gotta be the only reason you’re playing this. Hello Tuya Bearclaw/Syr Faren/im sure a bunch of other boring commanders, this is another one of you. This looks so bad next to the Gruul precon (which is apparently somehow the first Gruul precon) and, well, every other RG general from the past couple years (save, again, Tuya Bearclaw). Even the fuckin Walking Dead guy is cooler than this.

The Tarrasque

Disappointment part one over here is at time of writing the only commander from this set with a fat zero decks. Considering there were like 10 commanders at that number when I last checked, people are clearly trying out the set, so The Tarrasque being abandoned is particularly sad. It just…doesn’t do anything? It’s the fucking Tarrasque, and it doesn’t have trample, or a fear ability, or anything? Ward 10 is cute, basically being hexproof unless they have infinite mana (or an uncounterable spell), but really? I want more than this idiot for my 9 fucking mana commander. Ugh.

Tiamat

I believe I’ve talked about Tiamat before, when she got spoiled, but I can’t be arsed finding that and dredging it up. I’m still disappointed, basically, especially since I’ve now read her statblock and know what she actually does. They could’ve given her a cool ability per head like Cromat, or had her recur like she does in the lore, or something. I genuinely would have preferred if she was an Emrakul-style massive game-ender (with a no-reanimation no bullshit clause) than this. How utterly meh.

Trelasarra, Moon Dancer

This is literally just Ajani’s Pridemate but Selesnya and in the zone. Also you scry. Sure? It does also have two relevant creature types I guess, and they’d probably be good in a Soul Sisters deck. But it’s not like Selesnya was hurting for Lifegain commanders- this is basically just Lathiel but much leaner and voltron-ier.

Varis, Silverymoon Ranger

Wait you can’t even play this in Esper Venture, fuck. With Flash effects, you can start clearing dungeons well quick enough, but like, for what, a Wolf? And these defensive keywords aren’t getting you anywhere either. Blegh.

Side note- I’m a big fan of tokens, and collecting various token arts, and I was extremely disappointed when I found out that the Wolf token from this set is just…the Zendikar one again? They didn’t reuse the 3/3 Angel or the Goblin or even the Zombie, why just that one? Something must have happened behind the scenes here.

Also….Silverymoon? That sounds like shit.

Volo, Guide to Monsters

Hey, I know you, you’re from that one book. As much as Anti-Tribal sounds fun, I’m pretty sure this just turns into generic Simic value. Copying things is fun, I suppose, though not working with Legends hurts. I also appreciate that this supports playing a bunch of weirdo cards or ones that have fallen out of favor because they have more unique creature types- Anphin Mutineer, Acidic Slime, and Diluvian Primordial all seem like a lot of power here.

That said, is anyone ever letting this fucker stick around for a turn?

Xanathar, Guild Kingpin

Hey, I know you, you’re from that one book. This card is completely awful to play in webcam-commander, so it’s a good thing we’re all getting vaccinated, right?

So this is UB Gonti, I guess? And also unironically not the worst combo commander, since it stops people from playing spells on your turn in a very White-like effect. Add in some Lantern-style effects and you can get a real stew going with this guy. He looks like a lot of fun- and I’m sure he’ll end up popular as a result. Well, that and being on the cover of an expansion book gets you a lot of notoriety.

Zalto, Fire Giant Duke

Our final card, our final Venture card, and the only red one. So, uh, there are literally 4 other Venture cards in mono-red, and at least one of them is complete dogshit, so I can’t imagine this being very good. Also, it’s an Enrage trigger on a 3 toughness 5-drop? Far from ideal. I guess it’s a 7 power trampler for 5, but that’s kind of faint praise to damn with. Maybe if someone makes 5C Venture, or if Giant/Barbarian tribal feel lacking, then this guy can find a home.

Shoutout to the exactly one person who built this deck, by the way. I see you, Elder Demon Highlander, and your 100ish views on your deck tech.

And that’s the lot of them. Honestly, a lot more misses than hits, but that’s perfectly okay by me. 30 legends in a set is a lot, not to mention the 12 from the precons, and we’ve had so many actively playable legends recently that I’m fine with, like, half of these being trash. Trash is more fun anyway! Get yourself a fuckin Varis, why not.

Okay but seriously though who’s biting the bullet and building Tarrasque first? It’s not going to be me.

#ramble #mtg #commander #edh #mtgafr #adventures in the forgotten realms

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redspiderling · 4 years

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MCU Breakdown: That b-roll called Endgame, part 2

This mess has been swirling around my mind all day and I can safely say that once I managed to block individual offences and look at the greater picture, I was able to reach a conclusion that might bring some peace to my mind and, hopefully, yours too.

We’re not here to once again simply exhibit how this movie failed to express itself in a visual way, we’ll go a step further because I’m an asshole like that.

We’re here to explain why the failure of visual expression cheapens the story-telling process and leads to an unfulfilling cinematic experience.

I’m adding a “read more” this time because I actually remembered to do it.

Let’s ease ourselves into this.

Exhibit 1: Not using any visual storytelling elements.

This is the moment Pepper realises Tony has figured out time travel. That they can -potentially- travel back in time and save trillions of lives. And it’s shot, like this

Like a picture from a furniture catalogue. I’m saying furniture catalogue not only because the shot is 80% furniture and 20% character. Not just because it is quite dark, and the pieces that are drawing the attention of our eyes are the various lamps and candles, bright and shiny in an otherwise brownish, muddy frame.

This moment hasn’t earned its existence in our minds as an emotionally charged one.

It’s not just that Tony was never the character who envisioned himself as someone capable of “settling down”. It’s that our brains have been trained for centuries to look for visual clues. The wringing of hands, the beads of sweat on a forehead, nervous gestures, restlessness. The symbolism of a storm in the horizon that trouble is coming. They’re all simple things but they’re layers upon layers of meaning.

The trouble isn’t just that the Tony we know is not the Tony we’re looking at. It’s that the way the story unfolds, visually, doesn’t fill us with dread. Instead we are left looking at an image of a somewhat peaceful existence void of any emotional charge.

How this scene represents the “enormous scientific revelation will restore balance to the universe but will potentially ruin our family” sentiment, is an enquiry for me to make and for the Endgame show runners to never explain.

Exhibit 2: Using visual storytelling elements wrongly

To move forward from that significant for all its insignificance moment, it’s old news in the fandom that Endgame took the concept of found family and kicked it to an alternate dimension.

What we are looking at here, is the New “But Actually Really Damn Old” Dream of the MCU: Typical affluent white heteronormative Heaven.

And yet that’s not the problem. It is a problem, in the general “this is the 21st century and it takes a bit more to impress us” sense, but it’s not a problem from the perspective of a story. You can tell good stories for us all to enjoy that begin and end with this narrative, as long as you do it well.

It is quite obvious that the basic concepts of visual storytelling are known to these people. And they do attempt to use them on occasion. We’re talking about visual clues that will help nudge the viewer in the right direction, so that when the moment comes, the viewer will have seen it coming and won’t get annoyed.

Thus one could easily assume any form of foreshadowing is better than no foreshadowing, right?

Perhaps. But from my experience, certainly not in this instance. This is one of the big problems with this film, it is not certain where to draw the line on just how much does the viewer know? Is this their first MCU film? Second? Did they see Cap 1 and skip the rest?

Our story tellers don’t use all the information they have provided us with, and that creates traps for them. Even when they do attempt to warn us for what is coming they create more trouble for themselves. Because foreshadowing needs to be consistent. And dead ex girlfriends who got married more than 50 years ago, are not a likely candidate for a love story in the mind of the viewers.

Visual story telling is crucial and it needs to be consistent. You can show me hints that I will pick up on.

Here's Steve in the Avengers. He's certainly a man out of time, with his old man clothes.

Thankfully, by the time the Winter Soldier appeared, he was fitting in quite well in the world. A modern man now, with a modern attire.

So I'm left to watch in bewilderment and wonder, why is Steve back in his old man clothes in Endgame?

When did this regression occur? Viewers are not idiots. Like I said, we are trained to pick up on visual clues, it's crucial to our survival in the world. If I see a monkey eat seeds from a tree and then die, I'll remember not to eat from that tree.

I see the attempt here. The lack of colour and hope in the frame where Steve gazes longingly at the old compass, the soft, dream-like orange of his perfect life with his little wife. I can take a hint. Do I want it though? Have you prepared me for it? Does it make sense in terms of the other visual clues you've provided me with over the years?

Exhibit 3: Shifting the responsibility

Did I mention how much Marvel lucked out with the casting?

There’s 0 visual language employed. There’s no symbolism, no light, colour or perspective of happiness, or hope, or hopelessness. The only thing between those two pictures that says Tony and Natasha are not having some really strange conversation with each other right now, is the expression on their faces.

The fulfilment Tony found in parenthood and Natasha’s heartbreak over Clint’s crimes is visible only through the talent of the performers, not through any visual clues the show runners left behind for us.

Natasha stressing

Professor Hulk and Dr Strange paying their respects

Clint’s guilt

Wanda remembering her dead loved ones

Complex emotional moments laid entirely on the shoulders of the actors. Which isn’t entirely a condemnable thing, talented actors can pull strong emotions from their audiences, but they can only do so much.

Lets reference a pop culture legend most of you will understand

We don’t remember Luke finding out the truth about his father just because Mark Hamill is a really good actor. We remember it because in that moment, Luke had been brought to his lowest point. He was worn from battle, his life was hanging from a thread. Darth Vader was looming over him, the personification of everything he hated and in that moment he found out that a part of him came from that evil.

That build up was the result of a well written script, of a masterful piece of music, a visual tone that brought us to the brink of a revelation. The performance was part of the tale that will be retold for generations.

In conclusion

While there have been literally dozens upon dozens of articles about fans and viewers and critics having “issues” with this or that in Endgame, the truth is that our real problem, is this mixed bag of hardly ever used, or wrongly used storytelling elements. One that has been building up to a disastrous result for years.

And while all that is the least of Endgame’s crimes in the eyes of a Natasha fan (I have a personal vendetta against the film at this point) I still can’t help but bemoan the loss of a singular opportunity for creating a milestone in cinematic history.

Because if we can’t revisit Endgame for its story due to a complete lack in originality, and we can’t revisit it for its visuals, we won’t revisit it at all. And with it most of the MCU will go down as a piece of popular media that took the world by storm, but won’t have much to recommend it 10, 20 years from now. And isn’t that a shame. Edit: If you’re wondering why they messed up this badly, there’s a long list of reasons:

This wasn’t actually planned ahead. They didn’t write all the films from the beginning, they were making things up as they went along, so they created pitfalls for themselves.

They ignored the visual language.

They went along with weak scripts.

For Endgame specifically, they did ridiculously extensive re-shoots, which resulted in messy set ups (misplaced items on set, badly lit scenes, bad special effects) and bad editing.

They bit off more than they could chew with the amount of characters presented on screen, and never managed to create complete and fulfilling storylines for them.

Finally, they allowed bigotry and sexism to affect their judgement, thus placing the viewer against their narrative.

#I think this is the kindest post I've made for this tag #endless endgame bashing #MCU Breakdown #I did not spend money on Disney products i.e. paying to watch this film when writing this post #the theatre ticket is shameful enough

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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China & America

China: [After School] China: Where are you? China: You left your clothes on the bathroom floor and he's threatening to ✂ them up and she's just sitting there nodding America: ✂💳 after buying new 👌 China: Hilarious China: but you'd have to pry his wallet out his tight arse first and he's waving the ✂ about like right now America: 😐 America: terrorist negotiations are a no no China: Oh, believe me, if he knew you were on the 📞 he'd be straight on to shout at you himself America: if he wants me to walk around naked that's his damage America: she's guaranteed not sitting there 😶 when I do China: They're your best jeans China: you already don't have enough decent gear, you're seriously going to risk it? America: they'll be my best denim cut offs America: I don't come running for him China: Because it's not freezing 11 months and a half out of the year, Ricky China: I don't either but like fuck would I let him trash any of my stuff America: move us 🏝🧉 Gaz 👏 China: You want to fake as delusional as her? China: Fine, I'll be the only one living in reality, trying to talk some sense back into the woman and stopping him from ruining literally everything we've got America: back into? America: you've got jokes China: Please China: She was never this bad before China: or at least for this long, it'd be three weeks max of the lovesick bit and then she'd always come back and be mam again America: from your 🏰 that's the view China: There's nothing about this house that's castle like but he's definitely taken the only appeals it had away China: you miss having the parties and the hangs too America: they're still happening America: Gaz doesn't run the 🌏 America: can't roll out of 🛏 onto a dance floor but it's not 😢 China: But it was better when we could throw them China: and there was no rules around here, period China: You're just giving him reason to stay, the man's a raving lunatic, instead of saying no tah it's like his new cause to fix this family and save us both China: Must've been a fucking general in a past life America: there still aren't, his don't count America: & you're not giving him a reason to fucking go so 🤫 China: You say that but any time we have to be here China: and we do, at least some of the time, we can't do what we always did before and he's calling the shots China: I'm trying to figure out what the hell that would look like, what are you doing? America: watch me America: I'll throw a party right now China: Really China: Good luck with that China: Jesus, he'll lock you up, you know he will, if he doesn't do worse beforehand America: What's Daddy Garry gonna do? Hit me? America: They'd lock him up America: & his head'll 🤯 before mine does China: You don't remember some of the boyfriends she's had China: it's not funny, for fuck's sake China: I want my life back America: the trauma hasn't run deep enough to give me memory loss & you're not old enough to play that card America: it can be anything I want, it's my life America: I remember when we had live laugh love on the kitchen wall China: You know what? China: Let him rip up all your sketty clothes China: you're being selfish, why should I help you America: now the 👖 don't know whose side you're on America: they were THE BEST when you wanted me to come back China: I'm on the side of this family China: but you only care about yourself, apparently America: you're on your own side America: you care about having your life back, not what mine looks like China: I'm the one here arguing with him for your stuff right now China: and I just want things back how they were, for all of us China: him gone and her like an actual person with thoughts and emotions about anything that ain't what he wants America: you said yourself he won't leave if I act any kind of way America: he's crusading America: & I don't look old enough to get high enough to do a mam impression America: what do you fucking expect me to do, Chi? China: Help me work this out! China: Together China: you're still here, you don't get to wash your hands of it and ignore it like Zsa does because it doesn't really matter to her China: as long as he isn't hitting any of us and maybe even then, who the fuck knows with her America: don't ! at me America: if it were that simple, togetherness could get fucked China: It ain't, that's the whole problem and what no one else seems to grasp right now China: we act up, he's got more cause to stay and get progressively worse until we can't do anything and go anywhere China: we do what he wants and stay in line, he'll probably get such a boner he'll try to marry her and adopt us America: the audacity of me taking a 🚿 in my own home China: I know China: why is he not telling her to do more washing? America: be a controlling fuckwit but make it useful America: you could be wayyyyyyyy more productive with this, sir China: I'm not saying that's right either but it's all about how WE have no respect China: she's stopped doing anything that isn't doing her 💅💄👗 for him and we're meant to do it all, apparently America: Mam has respect for his 💪🍆🍑 China: 🤮 China: It goes without saying, but he's literally fuck ugly America: but I DEMAND it's said America: he needs to know on the regs China: He's got this one wrinkle on his forehead that's so deep I reckon it could hold a ✎ China: I hate him America: if you put your 💄 in there next time he's 😪💻 , I'll let you use a DIFFERENT ONE on me China: Alright China: I'll use one of hers America: would she end it if he had 0 hair? America: or eyebrows China: His hairline is dead and she acts like she don't notice China: It's like a spell, or something America: I know someone who'd come over for a face tattoo America: or 🍆🍑 if that's all she cares about China: You do not China: and he doesn't have enough of either to cover, shh America: I do TOO China: Who? America: Si is bored enough without your parties he bought a tattoo gun online China: Oh God China: do not do it he'll be so bad, never mind the hepatitis America: & he's dyslexic China: 😂 China: I can't wait to see what bullshit he decides to misspell on himself then America: [sends her some pics because imagine] China: He's so lame China: I can't believe Gary has wrecked my chance with Jake America: his da is a fuckwit too you'd think he'd be more understanding China: like I wanna tell him anything about this China: it's shaming enough we can't throw the parties no more and everyone knows why America: he's part of the everyone, he already knows China: doesn't mean I want to go and cry about it China: I've got some pride, thank you America: he should have some America: never throws a party at his own house China: That was one of the only things we had going for us America: weakkk America: you have things going for you, ask mam when she recovers from this illness China: Okay, the main thing China: but he's going to start going out with Lucie now instead, I know it America: Lucie's been out with half his friends before him America: not a ringing endorsement, like China: Yeah, she's a right slag, and she'll do it anywhere so she don't even need the free house America: get nan out of hers, she'd do it for the sake of your love life China: We have bigger problems China: sort that one and the rest will fall back into place, yeah America: biggest problem that we don't know how to sort it America: I'll get him to hurt me 🚨🚔 we're almost there China: That's not a solution China: and they won't do fuck all about it until it's serious China: too serious to control America: is if it works America: we know he wants to throw me out the window with the 👖 America: & maybe all the boys will think I'm into some hardcore bdsm shit China: Shut up you don't know anything about that America: 👌 Jake's vanilla that's a shame China: You're 12 and that's not the kind of reputation you want or are gonna have China: that's for girls like Lucie who have fuck all else to offer so they have to go hard with that degrading shit America: told you there was more on offer from us than a free house 😛 America: but stop walking into all my traps that easy China: You're such a dick 🙄😏 China: I didn't mean that was all but fucking hell, it was clearly a big draw China: so many people are airing me right now America: you know who doesn't care about parties? America: the people you air China: Who??? America: [a list which obvs includes Bobby and Libi on it and probably Beck as well] China: So you're just going to list every random loser in school for what? America: 😐 America: & you're gonna kid yourself that there's not at least 3 boys on there hotter than Jake America: get out of your fucking ⬛ China: it's not JUST about hot though, is it China: it's all the rest America: what else has Jake got? China: He's cool America: he's not cool enough to throw a party for you America: you're bored China: I am bored right now America: What's the point of Gaz if he doesn't take her anywhere anymore? America: why's she not bored? China: Yeah get this China: they're talking about redecorating America: what.the.fuck. China: I know China: it's looked like this our entire lives because she can't afford it China: now he thinks he can come in and whitewash everything America: remember when that one before offered to put up a roll of wallpaper and she looked at him like he said he wanted to beat you to death with it America: she'd let Gary kill us China: say goodbye to live laugh love China: it'll be RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT America: he needs to fuck off or I am China: Where to China: no one's got a sofa comfy enough or the desire to do any more than offer a night America: I know plenty of people I can get to desire me China: 🖕 China: not falling for it again so soon America: no 🕷🕸 America: they're not people I want, I didn't say that China: That's not a solution, again China: this is our house China: and our mam China: we need to sort it America: I know China: I can't think around them though China: I need to get out America: meet me [wherever the hell she is rn] China: Okay China: as I have nowhere else to be rn America: bring me a jacket China: assuming you've got one left after his tantrum China: that WILL be resumed, when you're relocated 🙄 America: if he's that desperate to text me China: He's that desperate to shout 'til he looks like a 🍅 America: 😋🤤 China: If you liked it or him at all, you'd be here America: I'm waiting here for you America: with ☕ China: I'm on my way America: I'll text Jake to be here & 🏃👌 China: You will not America: you wanna see him & you're not gonna hit send China: Because I have dignity, I don't know why that's a foreign concept to you China: and I don't even want to see him America: you do, you're losing it that he doesn't wanna see you China: Don't be dramatic on my behalf China: and getting my little sister to beg for me, that's hardly going to win anyone over America: I was gonna pretend to be you China: Ha! China: I'd love to see that, not America: party trick America: if we ever have one again China: If anyone wants to come by the time we've worked this out, it'll be a miracle America: it is getting 🥱 China: Seriously China: not getting aired for no reason America: you should listen to me about nan America: have one there China: The only person who would have a party at their nans house is Libi Foley America: it is mint there China: 🙄 America: it is China: Why? She got a trampoline? 👌 America: getting low if you're getting jealous America: [but whatever pics or vids we have from being there however many times we have like] China: I don't know what you reckon is cool in [whatever year they're in] these days America: her 🏠 America: some of her friends America: but I think I scared her off China: Well forget her China: She thinks she's something special but she's so not America: you're not describing her China: Sure China: If she's making you feel shitty she's hardly the 😇 everyone thinks she is America: how did you twist it to be her fault from what I said? America: 🤯 China: You aren't scary, she can't hang America: she didn't have you green lighting her on what cool is America: that's why I can China: She's super immature America: that shit must fly cos she's super well liked too China: With other people on your list, maybe America: you know she's got friends on friends, we don't have to downplay it America: it's not gonna make us feel a new way about any of the 💩 going on China: Literally why are we talking about her China: I've got so much more on my mind America: You brought her up to veto nan's house as a party place America: cos you don't want her to hate you too China: It isn't a party place, she's an old lady China: that would be so lame China: she doesn't have a boyfriend, where are we sending her? America: bingo America: use Zsa's flat then, she has a boyfriend, he's all she ever talks about China: Her tiny one bed China: I could have a few main people, potentially America: Princess and the pea isn't a sexy story America: if you're gonna kick it like that with Jake he will fuck Lucie in the PE block China: That's his prerogative if he wants to catch herpes America: everything doesn't have to be perfect America: you 🔊 like Gary China: If Asia is going to stop talking to me, it needs to at least be worth it America: you could trash the place and she'd think she did it 🔎 for her fake gucci belt China: 🙄 China: at least we don't have to worry about her man lasting America: ✂️💖 China: I don't know why they do it America: what are you doing with Jake? China: I'm not China: not like them America: I don't believe you China: Well first off, he's actually decent looking and cool China: and that's the difference China: Gary isn't, and whatshisname isn't either China: and I'm not throwing myself at him America: he isn't cool to me America: if it was so different you'd care about that China: How is he not? America: 🤡 China: What the hell does that mean? America: he thinks he's funny and he's not China: You don't have to think he is China: you're not interested and he's not interested in you China: that's a bit different to Gary fucking up our lives and taking over our mam America: he doesn't need to talk about me ever then China: I'm sure he won't...? America: 😐 China: He's not talking about either of us right now America: 🎊🎉 China: Happy for you America: I'd be happy for you if you used the Gary situation to get a boyfriend who's less of a dick China: Like who? China: [list boys from that list] China: LOL America: 🖕 America: [because we know the boy she likes is on that list honey] China: Who do you fancy then? America: dream on, shady bitch America: I'm not revealing my secrets now China: 😂 China: Omg go on China: I'll work it out America: if Gaz keeps treating me like a little girl without the choking, spitting in my mouth or giving me euros to spend, it's not gonna matter America: he'll think I'm immature China: You're such a dick China: but he's older then China: narrows it down America: as old as you, not as old as daddy Gary China: Well I can work out who it isn't then America: you've got other shit to prioritise China: You should get a boyfriend your own age America: I'm not getting one China: When you do, then America: when I do I won't be doing a poll of our year America: he's fun that's why I like him America: the 2 years aren't what's making me 🤤 China: What's fun mean America: he can hang China: I know who it is America: happy for you China: He's okay, I guess China: if you like that sort of thing America: what the hell does that mean? China: He's a bit China: but if you like him America: a bit? China: Annoying China: but you don't have to see him around school America: I thought you had a real concern! China: I'm not mam, we've still got one China: I just don't think he's cute but he's not like, the worst China: I don't know why he hangs around with who he does though, maybe he's weird America: Jake is who you think is cute & cool so 🤫 China: He's the hottest boy in my year China: who isn't like, the preppy sporty type America: & he acts like it America: talking down to everyone China: You're dramatic America: 😐 America: he is, behaving like 👑 China: You're acting like I'm married to him, for starters China: we were never even officially going out America: cos he wants to fuck around & find out who else is 🤤 China: He can do what he likes America: with Lucie & you won't care at.all. China: 🖕 America: me getting 🍆 could bring mam out of her coma China: If she finds out before Gary China: that might actually be a decent way to look into it China: 'cos clearly, 👑 has failed to save us all America: 👌 I'll do what I can China: all you have to do is heavily hint you are, in the 0.2 milliseconds he leaves her alone America: I'll stand on the 🚽 while she's 🛁 China: Take a piss test China: that should trigger the fear response America: they're expensive America: be going in Gaz's wallet again China: nah, you can get them for a euro in dealz China: market for the skanky slags like Lucie, duh America: I'll go after school tomorrow, he won't be leaving her alone tonight after ✂👖 China: Ew China: I'm definitely finding somewhere else to be America: seconded China: This is ridiculous China: Nan's going to get fed up of us crashing at hers America: that day came a month in China: but like, fed up to the point he'll talk her out of letting us because we should 'be at home' or whatever the fuck China: 🕠 running out America: What a flirty little game of 🐈 & 🐁 America: game on, Gaz China: 🙄 China: We've got no choice so, yeah America: Where are you gonna go? China: 🤷 China: I don't know America: come with me China: Where are you going? America: When you've got nowhere else, 3rd degree questioning's pointless China: Why is it hard to answer a question? America: I don't have an answer yet China: Right China: well, whatever then America: whatever yes or whatever no? China: So you need a dedicated answer, do you? China: You invited me, shouldn't make any difference if I do or don't come, as you've got no idea where you're going America: & you think my pretend babydaddy is annoying China: He very literally is China: if you wanna talk about thinking you're funny, Jesus America: he has a basis for it America: he's got jokes that aren't about what every girl at school looks like China: He's got adhd China: I think America: When he said he was on 💊s not what I thought he meant China: He must have it bad he's so twitchy still China: and he never shuts up China: which is probably why he's friends with the deaf kid America: I take it back, you and Jake are well suited 🤡 China: What? That's not a joke China: it just makes literal sense China: he's so loud America: You're being a dick China: Oh I am not China: it's not like I'm saying it to his face America: you know I like his face & you're saying it to me China: Well you know I like Jake and you're being a dick about him so in that case, we'd be even America: he can help having a shitty personality, that's not the same as an adhd diagnosis China: okay then China: an excuse to have prescribed speed America: what's your excuse for not calling the deaf kid by his name? China: Why does it matter? China: You knew who I meant America: it matters that you're back in your 🏰 China: 🙄 Shut up China: again, not talking to him, just you America: no shit, you don't talk to anyone outside of your ⬛ America: just me China: We're sisters so China: we have to talk, so sorry America: I know how to do a smoky eye & take a drink, that's your main criteria for what a cool girl is China: You wish America: it's not something I'm prioritising pre or post Gary America: you're stuck with me anyway China: And you're stuck with me China: at the minute, that's basically all we've got China: Zsa is literally not taking it in, no surprise there China: and nan is drinking the kool-aid on him now so America: I'll bring mam back with my 🤰 it'll be fine China: **fake 🤰 America: I assumed that was clear cos of having no real 🍆 inside of me before tomorrow America: Gary probably doesn't want to kiss & make up like that, I'm only 12 China: What do you mean tomorrow? America: assuming I do the test in front of her then China: Don't require you to actually do the deed, idiot China: s'all fake, we don't need you to go have a fake abortion, Jesus America: I'm just saying we don't need to waste time typing out a distinction like **fake when it's obvious China: Don't be a twat, I was just saying China: you're so bloody pedantic today, my God America: Don't be putting some kind of tempting fate 🤰 hex on me before I've even done anything with any boys China: Don't be a little slag and nothing will happen China: not going to be me or fate doing anything about it, you're in control America: right now Gary is America: 🚫🍆 China: It's about more than that America: I know China: You don't get it America: What don't I get? China: I've lost loads of friends China: maybe all of them America: you'll get them back the parties are America: when* China: yeah America: I'm fixing it China: **WE are America: did you save my 👖? China: Yea China: I put a load of washing on China: so now you're gonna owe me a thank you China: didn't know what else to do, he likes pitting us against each other I reckon America: I bought you ☕ ungrateful bitch China: UM, I meant you're going to owe me a grovelling thank you arselick because Gary says so China: I'm behaving and you're not, right now, cheeky cow China: anyway, I'm nearly there so don't fucking bin it America: I'll put washing on when my newborn is sleeping China: Fucking hell 😂 China: It's tragic, isn't it China: I can't think of anything more tragic China: poor mam China: poor nan America: how old do you have to be before they let you get sterilised? China: Oh, so old China: tell 'em you want to live off the state forever and have 14 of 'em and maybe they'll change their fucking mind America: Gary would do it for me if he was any fucking use China: If you ever really get pregnant, the botched abortion would do it America: I'll pitch the idea to my 1st boyfriend China: Good luck America: we're in the right place 🍀 China: Are we? China: Doesn't feel like it America: for a backstreet foetus killing scheme anyway China: Whatever brightside, I guess America: you sound as tired as I feel America: how early did he wake you? I think it was still fully dark out China: I swear, only solid he's done me China: loads of time to do a full hair and make-up routine America: What classes do you even have with Jake? Like 2 China: Oh, so now just 'cos I don't want to look like a bag of shit that's all about him too? China: Are you sure YOU aren't like them? China: Ugh America: you don't look like 💩 America: it's about him if you suddenly think you do China: I don't think that I just China: I'm not winning anyone back 'round if I do America: it's about the lack of parental supervision not your lack of split ends America: on every level you know that China: It is not China: that's a big part of it, but it is not all of it America: if it's not all of it where are they all? China: There's plenty of boys who care about pretty China: even if Jake isn't one of them China: if I have a desirable boyfriend, that's fucking something America: Jake does care about pretty, that's his main priority America: & why he's a dick to me China: You should've said China: you fancy him America: I'd fuck Gary before him, you delusional cow China: Ha, okay China: you're the one who's so hung up on how he treats you China: I'm so sorry he doesn't fancy you back but I'm actually not because you know I like him America: cos I want you to give a shit that your not boyfriend is like bullying me China: Wow, bullying now, really? America: you're asking for me to throw this ☕ at you China: I won't even come if you're going to be this China: melodramatic China: what do you mean bullying you? America: I mean every party you've thrown he's said something unnecessary to me China: Can you be more specific or America: can you not take my fucking word for it? China: Well not really China: like, if he's just made some passing comments it's not really bullying, is it America: 😐 America: 👌 make excuses for him & keep telling me you're doing things different China: For God's sake China: since when are you so sensitive? America: I've kept my mouth shut until literally now China: As you said, literally, he's joking America: I'm tired & I've typed the name Jake more times than I've ever wanted to China: You can't just accuse people of shit they haven't done China: if it was that simple, we'd say Gary was touching us and ta-da, problem solved America: I'll go down that route if the 🤰 fails China: It's not a fucking joke China: fuck this America: it is if you think I'm living like this for the next 6 years minimum China: You think 4 makes it any more palatable? America: telling a lie to get rid of him is the least of what I'm prepared to do China: I can't think straight right now China: save your ☕ I'm gonna go somewhere else America: Chi China: It's fine America: you're basically here China: I'm going China: I've got plans now America: you do not China: I do now America: with who? China: None of your business America: with who China: Who do you think China: happy now? America: what.the.fuck. China: Leave it alone America: Have you been talking to him all along? China: No, actually China: though I'm sure you won't believe me America: can't believe a word any of you say America: I hope he gives you herpes China: Nice America: You're not, why should I? China: You started this China: and for your information, I've never slept with him, or anyone else America: I did NOT China: then you got in my head America: not on purpose China: I've got my own life America: that wasn't in question China: I don't need your pity America: I don't feel sorry for you China: Good America: I'm fine too, thanks for asking China: You've got friends, who don't just use you for parties China: as you've been so keen to rub in America: & you're calling me over sensitive China: Joke all you lie China: k* America: you think Jake's are better China: Yeah, I do America: 👌🍆😗 China: Jealous much America: LOL China: Enjoy pining after Tweak America: 🖕 China: Enjoy your evening, that's my plan America: talk yourself into it harder America: maybe you will China: 👌🍆😗 America: 🤮🤮🤮 China: I'm not faking a pregnancy America: Lucie's not fake swallowing China: Ugly girls have more to prove America: you 🔊 like Jake America: he'll be excited as hell China: yeah he will America: 🎊🎉 he can stop trying to suck his own dick 🥳 China: you're just a kid China: let me know where you end up, Zsa's or nan's China: and I'll take the other 👌 America: you can take either cos I'm doing neither China: You know what, fine China: I shouldn't be the one doing this America: What this do you mean? Whoring yourself out to Jake or pretending you care what I'm going to do China: Looking after you China: are any of them in your messages? doubt it China: he's got no right and he goes too far but at least he'll be giving a shit where you are America: I don't need tabs kept on me, I'm going to MJ's not to 🍆 or 💊💉 China: 👍 America: I had a feeling Gaz wouldn't be stepping up to make 🍝 China: I can thank him for the diet too America: he'll be thrilled to hear about the 🍆😗 part of it China: I'm not planning to regale him with it China: 'cos not tempting an assault tah America: Mam & Zsa will have more useful tips China: I don't need them China: thank God America: just Jake telling you what he likes 💖 China: Piss off America: 🏰👑💖 China: Yeah, really feel it America: he'll make you feel really good about yourself China: What would you know about it, Ricky? America: it's what you want him for, I know that China: Why wouldn't I want that? China: Just because you've not had it ever America: Why can't you get it from someone else? China: Because I like Jake China: end of America: 😐 China: and every girl but you does too America: [lists all the girls that don't aka the lesbians, other girls he has shaded and girls like libi who are shamelessly in love with someone else/have boyfriends they care about even a little bit] China: 🙄🙄 China: You've got too much time on your hands China: not going to list every girl that does China: you know who I meant and that it's true America: I just spent a decade I won't get back waiting for you China: I wasn't about to come to MJ's and beg for food with you so America: I didn't invite you there, it's where I'm going now since you're on a Jake's jizz diet China: Don't be gross America: It's you who likes him 🤢 China: It's you who keeps talking about his dick China: like, stop America: I'm desensitising you America: so you can bear to look at & touch it China: I don't need that America: then this is me 🤫 China: 👍 China: Thanks China: Guess I'll see you in school tomorrow, or just before, pretending we've been 🛏 or purposely showing we're just coming in China: who knows what will be more effective in the AM America: you do one, I'll try the other China: Yeah China: know which one you'd prefer China: I'm not playing nice so you don't have to, like I always have America: you weren't playing when it was just you & mammy America: neither was I China: She was fun China: before America: I know China: What's not to like America: as her favourite, you would say that China: 🙄 America: & it doesn't matter who she was America: she's a zombie now China: we'll get her back America: What's the cure for swallowing Gary's bodily fluids? China: She's had worse China: equally as bad America: built up immunity China: There's no immunity to shitty men America: as you've proven China: pot kettle America: I don't like Jake, you're deluded China: I wasn't talking about him, moron America: 🖕 China: No, he seems like SUCH a cool, chill guy America: you'd be a shady bitch whatever you think he's like cos you're mad I don't wanna hop on Jake's 🍆 China: Yeah, SO mad China: you're twisted China: and delusional if you think it'd be any kind of competition America: you admitted you want me to be jealous & that his appeal is everyone likes him so yeah America: your priorities are twisted China: When did I? America: read any of this chat back China: 👍 Good one China: I really don't care what you think China: your taste is clearly trash America: I'd follow your ☕ into the bin but it'll make me late for 🍝 China: 😱 China: Can't have that China: I'm waiting for my bus, talk later America: 👋

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blackandblueandstars · 5 years

Text

Every move you make - Pt 7

TRIGGER WARNING: Discusses non-consensual relations and violence.

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4 Pt5 Pt6

Amy woke up in Kamilah's bed, curled into her body. It seemed just like any other day.

Then she remembered.

Everything crashed back to her, leaving her nauseous. She jumped up, running to the bathroom where she emptied the measly contents of her stomach.

Kamilah stood behind her, holding her hair. She sank to the floor and Kamilah sat beside her.

Amy couldn't bring herself to meet her eyes. The shame she felt, it was too much. How could she ever look at her again? How could they ever be the same, after he had soiled her?

It was clear that Kamilah had bathed her, so she knew. She knew what he had done.

And though she could still smell the soap on her skin, she needed to shower again.

She stood slowly, Kamilah standing behind her, and climbed into the shower.

Kamilah looked at her questioningly. Amy saw those beautiful brown eyes probing her, and quickly shook her head. She couldn't bear to have Kamilah next to her, not when she still felt him on her.

Kamilah nodded and returned to the bedroom.

She pulled out her phone and opened the group text. There were a few unread messages.

"How is she?" asked Adrian.

"Can we do anything?" asked Lily.

"We gutted that son of a bitch," said Jax.

Kamilah would have smiled, if she weren't so worried.

Amy hadn't said a word since she brought her home. Her mind drifted back to last night.

She had left the rest of them to deal with Justin. Her priority was Amy. Her poor, sweet Amy. She cautiously loaded her into the car, careful not to wake her or tossle her too much. Her entire body was black and blue. Kamilah had done unspeakable things to humans in the past, but she had never seen such a sight. That shook her more than she cared to admit. How could a human inflict such damage? She drove home slowly, avoiding potholes in the road, trying to keep the tears from falling.

She began to hum, a song her mother used to sing to her. It always brought her comfort, and right now they both needed that.

"And you are mine, darling, and I am yours, and we are the world's and the stars' and the sun's" she sang quietly. "And though the moon comes and goes, my heart is yours and yours alone, darling the darkness is no match for my love."

She parked the car and lifted Amy out of the seat, slowly walking her to the door.

She couldn't take her eyes off Amy's bruised face and red, puffy eyes. Amy curled into her chest, and it took all Kamilah had not to breakdown then and there. She unlocked the door and laid Amy on the couch, removing her jacket before taking her to the walk-in shower. She turned the water on, shielding Amy from the blast with her body. Once it had warmed she positioned Amy underneath the water, carefully washing her body.

She stopped, hands shaking, when she saw the ruddy brown colored water running down her legs. Tears streamed down Kamilah's face as she held Amy close.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, memories from her past resurfacing. "I'm so sorry I let him do this to you. I'm sorry I didn't get there in time." Her shoulders quaked as she cried, finally calming herself and carrying Amy to bed.

In the shower, Amy was scrubbing her skin, trying to clear away the filth of him. She needed to feel clean, again. She needed to be able to face Kamilah. To wash away the shame and disgust she felt for being inside her body. Her skin was bright red, but she still felt him. Sobs escaped her as she scrubbed and scrubbed. Soon Kamilah was there, turning off the water, leading Amy from the shower. Amy shook, overcome by the pain and disgust and anger and hurt and fear. Kamilah wrapped her in a towel and pulled her into her arms, carrying her to the bed where she held her as she cried.

Kamilah wanted to say something, to comfort her love, but she didn't want to misspeak, to make things worse. So it was Amy who finally broke the silence.

"I'm sorry," she whispered so quietly that Kamilah doubted that she heard it at first.

"Amy, you have nothing to be sorry for," she soothed, running her hands through the girl's hair.

"I... I ruined everything." Amy said, turning away from Kamilah.

"Hey," Kamilah reached for Amy, heart breaking. She touched her arm and Amy flinched. "Hey," Kamilah said more softly. "Amy, look at me."

"I can't, Kamilah. I can't look at you. I can't let you touch me. I can't think of anything but him, can't feel anything but him on top of me. I can't Kamilah. I can't do this."

Kamilah's brows furrowed. "Can't do what, Amy?"

Amy sighed. "Any of this." She stood and walked towards the door.

"Amy, stop!" Kamilah raised her voice, terror seizing her heart as Amy moved towards the door. "Where are you going? You're injured, you need to stay here. I've scheduled a doctor's appointment for you. Adrian and Jax and Lily are planning to visit. Amy I need to keep you safe!" All the words she hadn't spoke tumbled out of her mouth, begging Amy to turn around.

"You can't protect me," Amy said matter-of-factly. "No one can."

Part 8

Tag list: @h-doodles @ilovetaylor13m @scarlet-letter-a0114 @idkbutkamilah @lightning-fury @ptxgirwaffles @hellodemoiselle @galaxyside-0 @blogsupitssam

#kamilah sayeed x mc #kamilah sayeed #mc x kamilah #kamilah x mc #mc x kamilah sayeed #kamilah #adrian raines #lily spencer #jax matsuo #bb&s writes

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those-pink-specs · 4 years

Text

So, um, yeah … I finally finished my great long rave about the Klámstrákur video … make of it what you will …

Maybe this is a load of hot garbage, but my starting point was what they’ve said about self-image and toxic masculinity.

But I reckon that if your toxic masculinity shows up in a latex crop-top and corset, there’s probably something interesting going on.

I had a quiet Sunday a couple of weeks ago, so I watched it really, really slowly and overthought the hell out of it.

Sssooo … tl;dr (because the bit after the cut is really long).

What if ..

· the lighting and colours (and costumes) have consistent meaning, and are part of the storytelling?

· it’s basically all an attack of angst in a bathroom: an internal power struggle with no clear winner?

· everyone who appears is part of that person’s own psyche (except Einar, who is a memory)?

I’m definitely not saying that any of my thoughts are a ‘right’ interpretation, or especially original for that matter. It was just fun to fit all the bits into a nice pattern that makes sense – at least to me.

[Even I’m quite surprised by how much I had to say about this in the end...]

Klámstrákur

The toxic-masculinity-in-a-corset interpretation

*TW: low key for discussion about anxiety and gender angst. Nothing heavy, but, hey, I know how easy they can be to set off at times …*

So, this thing is Art and it can mean basically anything you want it to.

Most people see a narrative around sex work. The lyrics make it hard to get away from, in fact (though could be a metaphor for queerness – but never mind that). Anyhow, while I agree that sex work is the background, in my overthinky way, I don’t think the song is about that, precisely.

I like to overlay it with the idea that the two voices are the same person, and we’re mostly having a tour through his angst. This works okayish for the song on its own, but it’s much better in the video (or so I think).

Anyhow, we start in the bathroom. The scene is saturated in a deep, velvety red light. (I’m going to talk about lighting a lot.) A choir hums gently in the background. Our lad stumbles in, washes his face and has one of those ‘is that really me?’ moments in the mirror.

He shakes his head, as though trying to dispel bad thoughts – and that’s where we immediately go … and stay.

Bad thoughts.

We get a flash of Einar alone in a theatre. Then three nearly subliminal flashes of Matthías as we see him at the end. Only with his head in hands like this:

(Sorry for the shitty screen shot. Perfect gifs of this bit do exist, just not here.)

This has got to mean something, surely. It’s not there by accident. I pause to mention it now, but I’ll come back to it later…

00:25 – … on stage…

A curtain brushes aside and we’re on stage. My interpretation is that the stage is his perception of the outside world and/or memory of the recent past.

Why? Because that’s where Einar is – and it’s the only place we see him. Einar is the only ‘outside’ person we see. So he’s being recalled and thought about as an audience. It’s a perfect metaphor for playing a role, as the outside world looks on. As I flippantly said on another post – Einar is the ‘male gaze’ on this rather ambiguous body. (I wrote it as a weird academic joke [‘male gaze’ is a feminist art theory thing], then went … oh wait … what if he is?)

And then … there’s that red light bathing everything in the theatre. I think the red represents (or reinforces) a concept. Possibly desire … for sex, sexuality, submission, androgynous or feminine expression … money, whatever – anything except the accepted norm for a nice cis-het bloke, basically.

We’re just 26 seconds in at this point – and our lad is recalling stripping off and dancing on his pole for Male Gaze Einar. But the recollection is starting to make him feel guilty, ashamed, anxious and sick (or just more so than he already was). He starts to panic, and think he’s dying – as you do. But he’s not really dying: it’s anxiety.

His thoughts start to circle. There’s a nightmarish hospital trolley – that he’s literally chained into (perhaps by the anxiety if we want to really push the metaphor – or at least by those serious-looking girls in catsuits). And then there’s the theatre where he’s dancing like the sinful, slinky mink he accuses himself of being.

The first time we see the trolley (at 0:59), it’s in a blue corridor –the first real change from the red – but as the other three in the scene approach, the trolley swings slowly back into a red corridor. Then, just as we get to the end of the intro … ég sé að deya (1:16)… back onto stage.

Don’t worry – I’m not going through the whole thing this slowly. In fact, for the first verse – where we’re hearing about what a degraded, weak little smut addict he considers himself to be – it’s mostly visual escalation. We cut between him being strapped tighter into the trolley in the red corridor, the stage, and a few shots of Male Gaze Einar starting to look … frisky…

At the end of the verse, it’s crisis time, because we get our first, momentous: Þú ert klámstrákur!!! … and so enters Matthías properly.

He’s mostly lit with blue. He’s wearing some very important pink specs (ahem) and a lab coat. And he is most certainly playing the part of ‘toxic masculinity’ as in internalised shame, guilt, and a self-hating need to conform to society’s expectations of maleness. He’s a part of our pole dancer’s psyche, though. Not someone else shouting at him: just his own desire to be someone else, to be another way. To be in control of himself. To not be gay or gender-bendy or a pole dancer … or whatever.

So I see something implied in the settings and lighting: red scenes, desire and immersion in the klámstrákur lifestyle; blue scenes, self-loathing and a need to control, purify and conform. And it’s a real tussle with … I think … no clear winner.

01:45 … The spin out

I particularly like the next little bit.

Don’t look now, but between one bellow from Matthías and the next, we’re back on stage. And Einar has got a bit over-excited and is clambering over the seats. As in a dream, the pole has transformed into a chair full of pole dancer, and in one of the most memorable snippets, we get fingers tenderly/sexily making their way down Klemens’s chest.

Let’s enjoy a crappy screen shot of that for no reason at all:

[… oh my …]

And then that fabulous chair spin from the red stage to the blue clinic room (screen shots do not do it justice, so please just replay that bit in your head … I’ll wait …)

… Now how about this?

When he stumbled into the bathroom at the start – he was just starting to get anxious. And that bit with Einar was what set him off. Desire for some stranger. A touch. Something too gay or too … something … for his self-loathing part to handle. He panics, spins out and goes into cold self-hatred (blue clinic) needing to regain control, and to conform and purify.

And from the two minute mark – right through the next bit of verse where he lists all the things that ‘sometimes’ happen – that’s what’s going on. The list maybe be factual, or his fantasies, or angsty exaggeration, or some of each. It doesn’t matter, he seems to think he needs or deserves the treatment he’s getting, and submits to it wholly, like a góður drengur.

But – as I said at the start, that toxic masculinity in control of the situation is dressed a wee bit less masculine than you might expect. I mean – when you think about gender-panicky homophobes IRL, you don’t usually think latex crop-top and corset. But maybe it’s more about domination and control. This is the part of the psyche that seeks and exerts those things – so dominatrix chic may be just the ticket.

Anyhow, he’s bathed in the purity of that blue light, busily head-massaging away the gay, while screaming at himself for being filthy and disgusting.

[This is so fucking camp … why am I like this?]

02:30 – ambiguity – or who’s the anxious one here anyhow?

From here on, things get really ambiguous and therefore really interesting.

New setting: this is a chamber with a nice pole in it, and windows so the Matthías character (now in a nice fluffy red coat that just screams ‘pimp’) and the serious girls in catsuits can watch at a safe distance.

And our pole-dancing boy is released from captivity for observation. And what happens then?

This …

Followed by this …

This little backward glance. An implied moment of eye contact.

What do you see? Is porn boy anxious? Unsure? Obedient?

Well, maybe.

But I like my queer boys a bit bolshy, so I see defiance. A look that says: ‘Think you can control me? Well game on, bitch.’

Because he really goes for it on the pole after that. Surely that lightning-quick crotch grab at 02:43, when he’s being called ógeðslegur karlmaður is a very clear ‘fuck you’!

[Really though?

Well why not?]

It’s easy to listen to the Eurosonic version and hear the Klemens voice suffer and panic, and just assume that he’s a victim. There’s no real story line to the lyrics, but the Matthías voice gets the last word, so we naturally suppose that our poor little filthy boy is somehow lost, or fighting a losing battle for survival.

But to me, the video evens things up a lot.

One of the reasons that I thought that both voices might be the one person even just in the live versions, was that the name-calling is so over-the top it seems kinda panicky. The video reinforces that – with the shouty voice being so obviously controlling. And the need to control is an anxious need. Internalised homophobia as a fear. So, Mr Shouty in the crop-top is as much an embodiment of anxiety as the filthy boy. Maybe more.

Because if they’re both inside the head of a lad having a panic attack in a bathroom, then it’s Mr Shouty who has caused it. He (Matthías) desperately needs to control his impulses (Klemens), maybe because he’s afraid of what will happen if he doesn’t.

[Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense to someone besides me.]

Anyhow … back to the action … it’s game on, and the next bit (02:45 to 03:00) is a lot of shouting about filth and a whole lot of arse.

Uhm …

[well … quite …]

The battle pushes to-and-fro until we’re suddenly back here:

What is this? Opening his pores? Who knows, but it’s a very cool effect. It definitely looks like punishment/purification (so very like opening one’s pores). The light is blue – just as hard and bright as before. No red in sight (there was a lot of red in the observation chamber – such was the power of the filthy boy’s wiggles). So control is seriously asserting itself again.

The struggle is real.

Now, from 3:02 – the really difficult bit – the couch:

The couch is long and low, lit blue and red at opposite ends with a homoerotic / bondage picture partly obscured by curtains. What does it signify?

The messages are really mixed, even just with Mr Shouty. He’s in his pimp coat screaming about his disgust, sometimes lit blue sometimes red – but he’s got filthy boy by the leash now.

So what is it? He hates himself, but he kinda gets off on being a slinky-mink pole dancer? It’s the same mixed message as the clinic outfit: ‘I’m your need to be a normal bloke – but I’m rocking this crop-top and corset look.’

Well … at risk of overdoing it by trying to fit everything together too neatly – what if the couch bits are about balance? Getting over the attack with a little give and take between the warring selves. Or something like that.

In the last minute, the war between clinic and pole is fierce – with interludes of couch.

When we see the couch we also see:

Porn boy’s leash being held, him dancing obediently and wearing more clothes. So less impulsive – under some control. The purifying ‘treatment’ has worked a bit. Pores cleansed.

Control freak still shouting but, as I said, he’s not looking like a dominatrix anymore – more like a pimp. So arguably, he’s secretly enjoying porn boy’s show while calling it filthy and disgusting. I think that’s the point – which I guess means that toxic masculinity also makes one a moralising hypocrite (‘that type: making a scene’ – though that’s not the official translation, sadly!). However, for now he seems comfortable watching – and he’s no longer trying so hard to control his filthy-boy self.

But, of course, the war isn’t over. How could it ever be, for an androgynous pole dancer with internalised homophobia and gender panic?

[Sounds horrible and I don’t recommend it. Just be a happy slinky mink and a cheeky sinful seal, that’s my advice.]

So lastly …

This whole emotional-breakdown-in-a-bathroom theory would have been greatly assisted if we had even the tiniest throwback to the bathroom right at the end. But we (probably) don’t.

What we have instead, however, is a throw forward from those flashes of Matthías on the couch at 0:24 (I said I’d come back to that!). If I’m even vaguely right, then those flashes show the balance breaking down. The visual is of Matthías’s shouty half of the psyche – head in hands. What’s he feeling?

Our pole-dancing lad is staring at himself in the mirror at that moment, thinking of that excited audience member. His inner control freak, who had been moderately at ease with the dancing, and sitting on his comfy couch, is suddenly overwhelmed by guilt and flickers into breakdown … and it begins where it ends.

So it’s a cycle. Maybe.

Or maybe this is a load of hot garbage.

#endless rumination on music videos #hatari #also i enjoy overthinking things so this is basically catnip to me #seriously this is how i enjoy myself with good content #klámstrákur #i've been threatening to do this for a while haven't i?#well i finally when and did it #hot garbage #with sprinkles

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arcaneranger · 5 years

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Final Thoughts - 2018 Long Shows

It’s finally here! I’m so close to being done with 2018 (...mostly. We’ll get to it) that I can taste it, but in the meantime, this list is gonna be weird, because there will be things that were already on other lists since I revised my rules of what should be classified how. This post is specifically for any show that ended in 2018 and lasted longer than 13-ish episodes (including shows that aired a second season during the same year or within six months of finishing the previous one), which means that there’s about as much on it as a usual season of shows, but they all had more time to impress - or disappoint me. I’m doing a better job in recent seasons of getting to everything, but last year there were unfortunately things that I missed (I was burned out in the winter) and just have to leave aside for now because I can’t wait any longer for these lists.

Anyway! As usual, let’s start with what I skipped!

* The Seven Deadly Sins: Revival of the Commandments, The Disastrous Life of Saiki Kusuo S2, Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card, Garo: Vanishing Line, and Mr Tonegawa: Middle Management Blues because I haven’t seen their previous seasons or parent works. (Yes, even Cardcaptor Sakura. Y’all can shoot me later.)

* Hakyuu Hoshin Engi, Beatless, and Basilisk: The Ouka Ninja Scrolls because by the time I was rounding things up, I hadn’t heard a single positive thing about any of them.

Next comes what I dropped -

WORST OF THE YEAR: Steins;Gate 0 (4/10)

What a fucking mess this show was. Aside from a very noticeable downgrade in production talent from its predecessor, the plot meanders and flirts with maybe actually happening this time before just dropping out again, over and over, to the point where I was perfectly willing to drop it two episodes from the finish line because it was such an insult to fans of the original. (Also, continued disgusting mistreatment of the transgender character.)

Gundam Build Divers (4/10)

Taking the Build series from being a well-written kids show to an averagely-written kids show that hides itself in decent mech designs.

Katana Maidens (4/10)

I remember so little about this show, and granted that I did drop it after one episode almost nine months ago, but what I did remember was that it gave me strong KanColle vibes with laughably inconsistent animation and flat characters. Meh.

Darling in the FRANXX (5/10)

This should probably be lower on the list, but I got out of Darling while the getting was good, sixteen episodes in. I understand that future episodes of the show cemented it as crappy right-wing nonsense in addition to pushing worldbuilding out of its fortieth-story window, but the moment it lost me was much sooner, when the crazy yandere female lead was reduced, almost instantly, to Good Anime Waifu as a reward to the protagonist for going against his friends with his selfish motives.

Persona 5 the Animation (5/10)

In addition to not actually finishing in 2018, Persona 5 just did not give me a single reason to watch it when I’d already finished the source game, with middling-to-bad visuals (thanks to the switch from Production I.G. to A-1 Pictures, and not even the team that created the much better-looking Day Breakers OVA before the game was released in the U.S.) and phoned-in music, which is especially unacceptable in a Persona adaptation. Also, we all absolutely called that the studio couldn’t tell the story of the entire game in just 26 episodes.

Record of Grancrest War (6/10)

There’s people that like this one a lot, but I didn’t see much that interested me in the first two episodes. I’ve heard better things about the manga.

Golden Kamuy (6/10)

I had problems with the first half of Golden Kamuy that the second half simply didn’t fix, and it became difficult for me to keep watching - the show still interrupted almost every fight scene with a dick joke, but still wanted to maintain a serious and occasionally frightening tone - and those things simply don’t go together. It needed to either spend more time being funny, or keep its lowest-common-denominator humor out of the fights.

Next, I have two shows that are (potentially permanently) On Hold, simply because it’s time for me to move on and I don’t have the time or energy to marathon them when the Winter shows are starting to wrap up:

Kakuriyo: Bed & Breakfast for Spirits, because even though I initially dropped it, I’ve heard a lot of good things since and I want to eventually give it another shot.

Yowamushi Pedal Glory Line, because despite the fact that I still enjoyed the previous season, this one started right in the middle of my burnout and I only heard bad things about it. I’ll get to it eventually, but it’s a shame that this series has been on a clear trend downwards since its revival.

And finally, the stuff I finished!

The Ancient Magus’ Bride (6/10)

Keep in mind that this is here entirely on the merits of its aesthetic and its side characters - in the end, Ancient Magus’ Bride is a Beauty and the Beast story where the beast gets what he wants without learning to be less of a dick or even apologizing for his clearly wrong actions.

Major 2nd (7/10)

Always pleased to have even just Good sports shows around, and this one is a very effective reboot of a classic series that’s never made its way stateside (man, the underperformance of Big Windup! really did a lot of damage to this genre in the West). With good character development and a decent second-generation premise, Major 2nd has the potential to be the beginning of a solid baseball story, assuming that it gets a needed followup.

IDOLiSH7 (7/10)

I dropped IDOLiSH7 when it first aired, and though I wound up enjoying it after I was very strongly urged to revisit it, the problems it started with never quite left it behind - that is, it has an okay cast of characters but doesn’t present even passable performance sequences, and if you’re going to include big song-and-dance numbers, they have to be good, or you may as well just be UtaPri.

ClassicaLoid Season 2 (8/10)

In 2017, I gave the first season of ClassicaLoid a near-perfect 9/10, and while this season gives us a satisfying conclusion to the story, it does things both a little better than the first, and also not quite as great. It’s story is much more well-integrated over the runtime so it doesn’t happen all at once in a few chunks, and the jokes that work are still absolute genius, but there’s simply too much that doesn’t quite land correctly, and a little too much immature humor, for it to reach the same lofty Hall of Fame heights as the first season. Still, one of the most underrated shows I’ve ever seen.

My Hero Academia Season 3 (8/10)

God, Izuku in that onesie is too damn cute.

My problems with Hero Academia are frustratingly persistent - the show is at its best when the students are competing with other students, because outside of last season’s Stain (a villain whose motivation is specifically related to the world of MHA), the villains are just not at all compelling and they all seem a little too generic for their own good. I just want Horikoshi to be a little bit less predictable of an author and do a little less reading of the Standard Shounen Playbook. Luckily, when it works, it works magnificently.

March Comes in Like a Lion S2 (8/10)

March remains director/auteur Akiyuki Shinbo’s most accessible work, and one of his masterpieces, as a well-paced and marvelously moody story of a depressed shogi prodigy learning to be a normal teenager before his youth completely passes him by, and the fantastic characters that surround him with their own complex problems and motivations. I just really, really hope it gets a third season eventually, because this one did not leave off on a satisfying conclusion.

Speaking of which...

Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma S3 (9/10)

It’s almost a shame that My Hero Academia became hugely popular purely based on its accessibility to American audiences, because Food Wars pretty squarely deserves to be the reigning Shonen Jump king - each season has only improved on the previous one, and this one was based entirely on a continuing arc that could only have happened in the universe of this show, Fighting Food Fascism. That being said, it also leaves off right in the middle of the arc (because it had almost caught up to the manga), meaning that we have to hope that it can remain relevant long enough for there to be enough source material for another season. I’ll be crossing my fingers until they snap.

Banana Fish (9/10)

Yes, this has risen a point since my review, but Banana Fish still deserves to be thought of as both a complete masterwork of crime fiction, being fantastically paced and expertly plotted in the use of its many, many twists, and a work that disappointed the side of me that hoped that, in adapting it into the modern day, MAPPA could have managed to get the author to let them depict what is clearly a queer relationship with the authenticity and legitimacy that it deserved. It’s still amazing, though, and Amazon should be pushing it with their most lavishly-made originals. At least it was the last noitaminA show they’ll get to totally bury.

And, finally, the one you all saw coming.

BEST OF THE YEAR: Lupin the 3rd Part V (10/10)

Lupin is, quite simply, one of the pinnacles of the medium. A simple idea that can (and did) go in thousands of different directions, handled by highly creative writers and an animation staff that has been knocking it out of the park for years, despite the fact that it is criminally (heh) unrecognized in the West. To put it simply, there’s a very, very good reason that it’s been around since the 70′s.

Okay! All I have left to do is finish Dragon Pilot (waiting on a friend) and we can get the last two lists out of the way! We’re almost done...

#multi 2018 #arcaneanime #year end anime list #final thoughts #lupin the third #my hero academia #banana fish #food wars #the ancient magus bride #March Comes in Like a Lion #idolish7 #major 2nd

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