#( or hugging a pillow to my chest as the rain falls outside and i reflect on my life )

[againstme]

i think i'm kind of at a point now where i'm sick of being institutionalized, no matter how cushy of a situation this is.

i think i tend to have this sort of impostor syndrome about it, a back and forth of "oh, well at least i'm not in the psych ward", "at least i get to go outside", to just wishing that i could go home.

and i think both of these things can exist at the same time.

i'm grateful that i haven't been in the psych ward since november instead of where i am. and i am glad i get to go outside. i do like that there's a deck at this house, where i can sit outside and watch the sunrise/sunset, and play my guitar when it's not raining. i'm glad that we get to ride in the van to go to the center where we do group therapy, that there's a courtyard we can sit at in between groups, that i'm able to step outside and get fresh air if i need to.

but at the same time, i want to go home. i don't know where home is. i think my brain is associating "home" with back in santa cruz. at least for now, that's what i think of. it's the place where i've lived in the states the longest, since getting kicked out and flying there from korea when i was freshly 18.

that's what i mean by "home", i guess.

i want to sit in the garage at my friend's family's house. i guess they're my family too, my chosen family. they've been taking care of me since i landed on their doorstep in the middle of august 2019. i had about 300 dollars to my name; that was less than what i started with because i had to pay for my heavy luggage and my flight to san jose from seattle. i can't even remember how i got the money. i think i had saved up some from when i graduated that june.

i didn't have health insurance, i didn't have a bed, i had two suitcases and that was all, basically. i needed an inhaler. i needed a job. someone i knew (a former friend of a friend, that my friend group no longer associates with) introduced me to his mom, who was the manager of a grocery store about a 15 minute walk away. and she got me a job as a cashier.

anyways, the long backstory is something i can get into some other time.

the point is, my family, or at least, what i consider my family, is there. my friends are there. they're the first friend group larger than like 4 people who probably didn't even like me that i've ever had in my life. and they still enjoy having me around, though i tend to go back and forth on believing that.

so, i want to go home. i want to hug my friends, and be with my family. i want to stay up late watching episodes of community or new girl that we've all seen a dozen times, still laughing like it's our first time seeing it.

i want to sit on their kitchen floor, having a mixed drink with cheap vodka and trying to focus my brain while someone goes on a tangent that i can barely follow.

i want to do my obligatory ritual of going into their bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, not even a bit sober, take a selfie, then grip my hands on the sink, staring at my reflection.

this isn't your classic "drunk at a party, stare at yourself in the mirror and think about how your life is falling apart" moment.

this is a moment of joy. of ecstasy, though you'd never take the drug. the alcohol warms your chest, but so does the feeling of connection.

it's also the feeling of safety. of understanding. of caring for another. sitting someone down on the couch when they're too high, giving them a blanket and a pillow. being stupid and not telling your friends you were on acid until hours deep into your trip, startled at first when so many of them said so many variations of "dude, you have to let people know when you're tripping", but later understanding that they just wanted to take care of you. the late nights at one of their parties where you and a friend snuck out to the backyard table, sharing a joint and talking about music, a sliver of light being cast by a warm deck lamp.

catching your friend in your arms as they suddenly pass out after stumbling inside to recover from a fall in the bathroom, shielding them from almost hitting their head on the bathtub. your friend rushing over to help as they came to, hoisting them up and over to the couch. freezing instinctively as they had a seizure, because you had never seen one before, then having your hands out, wanting to cradle them as they had another.

being so lucky to have another friend that's an EMT, coming in and taking them in her car as they both went to the hospital.

having everyone gathered around out on the front porch, solo cups in hand, being forcibly shocked into sobriety, beady eyes looking around at each other.

hearing someone say "anyone need a cigarette?" and hearing a chorus of "yes, thank god," around you. you don't smoke anymore, because it makes you sick, but you did smoke that night. and poured yourself a drink, mostly vodka, with just a splash of ginger beer.

finding yourself staring in the mirror again, white knuckling the sink. looking over at the tile floor, suddenly feeling the weight of your friend's slumped body in your arms as you both fell to the floor. thinking of how they narrowly missed the corner of the bathtub. your heart is still racing.

you think of all of the events that lead you up to being in that moment. of being there to catch them in your arms. of having that gut feeling of "no, i don't think i'm gonna let them go to the bathroom alone." and being grateful you trusted your gut. things could've been way worse. you don't want to think about that.

i think it's situations like those where i feel like, even though it's kind of fucked up, so many pieces had to fall into just the right place in order for that to play out the way that it did.

and it all started with that connection. with that sense of community, that sense of belonging, that feeling of wanting to protect the ones you love. and knowing that you love them in the first place.

i want to be a part of that again.

#c.txt #missing my friends. i love them all dearly. #spent over 40 minutes typing this instead of peeing and grabbing dinner. #you know how it is #i guess the point is that i want to get out of here and hug my friends #to hug and squeeze them and rock them back and forth #to have one of your friends pick you up and laugh. feeling their laugh resonating in your chest.

[marsbutterfly]

may i request a levi x reader oneshot? maybe like a hurt/comfort something

tyyyy have a nice day <3

Late Night Lullaby

Summary: After a failed mission beyond the walls, you find yourself being unable to sleep. Lucky for you, the door to Levi's office is always open.

                                     Wattpad Version! | AO3 Version!

Another day, another failed mission outside the walls. Except this time you could still feel the titan’s strong grip around your waist, pulling your body towards its massive mouth. 

The cold sweat mixed with the drops of rain drips down your face, a bit of blood warming them up. If it wasn’t for Levi, at this time you would not even be here, you would be inside the titan’s stomach, your body dissolving before it is thrown back up.

Levi has always made sure you came back alive from every mission, even when you were still in the cadet corps. He would always look for you amongst the dead bodies and, once he noticed you weren’t there, he silently hoped that you were alive and not lost somewhere..

You’ve gotten close to death a good few times but something about this one was different. Maybe how close you actually got to being swallowed or because the only reason you nearly died is because of your own mistakes, either way the fear and guilt are still present in your mind.

Days have passed since then but the horrors you see when you close your eyes are very much still there.

When you realize it is yet again past curfew and you can’t close your eyes without being filled with a concerning amount of panic, you decide to head towards Captain Levi’s office in the hopes that he would be able to provide you with any form of comfort.

Quietly, you knock on the door a few times in a familiarly rhythmic way to let him know you are the one on the other side.

“Come in.” His voice is quiet but firm. 

When you open the door, you are received by the image of Levi’s face being illuminated by the candles. His hair is messy, like he has been running his fingers through it in an attempt to focus, the bags underneath his eyes telling you the story of how he hasn’t slept in days.

“You look like shit.” You say and he rolls his eyes, placing down the papers that once rested in his hands as he turns his head to look at you.

But before he has the time to call you a brat or say anything teasingly in return, he notices the tears in your eyes and the slight tremble on your bottom lip and hands. He sighs heavily before standing up, heading towards his unused bed.

You don’t have time to say another word before he wraps you in his blanket, covering you from your head to your toes. You smirk among the tears and you can feel his arms wrapping around you as he places your face on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, smelling your skin through the cloth of the blanket. 

“I can’t close my eyes anymore.” You say, nuzzling your face against him. Levi lets out a sigh and you can feel as he picks you up. Your head rests on one of his arms while your feet tangle from the other one.

You yelp but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he takes you towards his bed and places you as gently as he possibly can as if you were a doll made out of thin porcelain.

He places your head on the cold surface of the pillow and you clutch to his shirt, puppy eyes desperately pleading for him to not leave you alone. Levi plants a soft kiss on your hand before bringing his hand to your face.

His thumb brushes against the tears that stream down your cheeks and he whispers, “You’re going to be ok. I’ll be right back with something that might help soothe your nerves.”

When the door opens, a cold air current comes from the hallway made of stone and a chill travels down your skin. You pull Levi’s blanket tightly above your chest while looking for any kind of support in his absence. 

The trees dance with the wind outside the window, the shadows tormenting you. With wide eyes, you look around the room constantly making sure no titan has made its way inside the barricades.

You can still hear it in the distance: the screams of your fallen comrades who lost their lives because you used the wrong smoke signal. Because of a stupid mistake you’ve made in a moment where it mattered the most.

The burden you carry from their lives, how were you allowed to live while their families just lost someone important? How were you allowed to come back when half the bodies didn’t? Why were you the only one?

Once you realize Levi has been gone for quite a while, paranoia starts to settle in and you are convinced something bad has happened to him. The worst part is that you don’t even know where he went so you can’t go looking.

You are fully aware that he is humanity’s strongest soldier but yet you can shake off the anxiety that comes with thinking that he was somehow killed or kidnapped on his way towards wherever he was going.

Even without knowing where he is, you decide enough is enough and the worry is too much to bear. So in an impulse, you drop the blanket from your shoulders and rush to the door, turning the knob and pulling it open in one swift move but there he stands.

Two cups of tea in his hands and the lantern hanging from his teeth, his foot is up in the air as if he was about to use it to kick open the wooden door. It takes a second but you finally realize he needs assistance so you remove the light from his lips. 

He thanks you while you guide him towards the table resting by one of the windows. You place the lantern on the surface, far away from his papers, before Levi hands you a cup.

“It’s a very soothing tea, it’s called…” He says but you cut him off as politely as possible.

“Chamomile.” You smile softly, “How were you able to get this? It’s so incredibly rare.”

“I have my connections in the underground, directly from the stash on its way to the richer families who don’t know anything about appreciating good tea when they see it.” He replies, picking his cup up with the tip of his fingers.

Levi pulls the chair further up a bit as an invitation for you to sit and you gladly take it.

Your image is reflected on his cup and you notice how awful you look: your hair is now a tangled mess, the round circles underneath your eyes seem to get darker by the hour and you can’t even remember when was the last time you had brushed your teeth. 

To keep those thoughts away, you take a sip of the sweet liquid. The warmth brings a comforting sensation to your chest and you feel as if your favorite person in the entire world has wrapped their arms around you.

It takes you a second to realize that he did, in fact, hug you from behind. The tea is still in one of his hands while the other holds your shoulders tightly close to his chest.

You feel the warmth of a few new tears as they make their way past your eyes. He doesn’t say anything nor does he need to, all you need in that moment is to feel protected and cared for and Levi has always been the best at providing you with that feeling.

He puts the cup down before kneeling beside you. He places his hand on your cheek and, with his thumb, brushes away the stubborn tears. 

“You are safe now.” He says and you nod, feeling as he places his forehead against yours.

After moving away, he silently tilts his head towards the tea in your hands. You take a sip after the other until the contents of the cup have all disappeared. Once you place the cup down, Levi takes your hand and guides you towards his bed.

The blanket he once put above you now rests on his lap and he immediately uses it to shield your body from the chilly wind that comes through a crack on the window. 

He wraps his arm around you, gently pulling you closer to him until there is no space whatsoever between your bodies. He is warm but especially his hands which touch you so delicately that you feel like a rare flower.

His face is buried on the back of your neck and you can feel his breath against your skin, awakening butterflies in your stomach in a way you have never felt before. But then again, Levi is quite the master of providing you with new sensations.

You can hear the footsteps outside the room coming from soldiers who patrol the hallways making sure everyone is safe. You can hear the flame of the candle as it dances with the wind. You focus on the sound of Levi’s deep breaths before he begins to hum a melody.

It’s a song you have never heard before and yet it feels so familiar. You feel the vibration coming from his throat and you smile, nuzzling your face against his hand. The melody is soothing and you can feel the peace radiating from the man behind you.

Your eyelids are now as heavy as bags of sand. Even with a wordless lullaby, Levi has managed to wash you with a sense of peace and tranquility. While one of his arms is still wrapped around you, the other reaches for your hair as he plays with the wild strands, combing your hair in the process.

“Where did you learn this song?” You ask quietly and you can feel as he smiles before planting a kiss on your head.

“My mother would sing it to me when I was younger.” He says, “It was the only thing that would help me fall asleep.”

“It’s a beautiful melody.” You acknowledge and he nods.

“Not as beautiful as you.” He says and you can feel a happy smile taking over your lips. In this moment, you have forgotten all about the dangerous situation you had just been put in earlier in the day, all that matters is this moment with Levi. “Blow the candle, let’s get you some sleep.”

You do as he says, quickly returning to his embrace. “Thank you for saving me.”

“I will never let anything bad happen to you.” He whispers softly in response. You close your eyes, focusing once again on his breathing. 

Before you have time to fall asleep, you realize his grip around you has loosen up a bit and his breathing has a little more rhythm to it. You realize he has fallen asleep and you can’t help but smile.

You turn around to face him, carefully moving so he won’t wake up. You plant a kiss on his forehead before nuzzling your head on his chest, feeling as he pulls you closer to him in his sleep like you were his teddy bear.

For the first time, you are able to close your eyes and see a beautiful image of Levi taking care of you and you quietly begin hum the song he introduced you to, only stopping when you fall asleep in his arms.

A lullaby is a song known to put people to sleep and, thanks to Levi, you have now found a way to prevent the demons from your past from getting to you during bedtime.

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi aot x reader #levi ackerman #aot #aot x reader #aot fanfic #aot fanfiction #request #snk fanfic #snk #snk fanfiction #snk x reader #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan fanfic #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin fanfic #shingeki no kyojin x you #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin x reader #attack on titan x you #aot x you #aot x y/n #snk x you #snk x y/n #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyoujin levi

[finnyboywolfhard]

I Just Want To Dance With You-Joshua Bassett

Joshua Bassett x Reader

summary: dancing under streetlights on wet pavement with the one you love 

warnings: fluff, lil angst (ish really) 

word count: 1.2k

The raindrops fell with delicate taps along the windows as the two lay safely inside. Her hand was placed softly on his chest as she gazed up into his eyes. He was telling her a story about this time he was recognized in public the first time. She couldn’t help but smile over his prior, and also current, excitement over such a regular thing for him now.

“And I just remember calling my family to tell them about it and then pretty much every other member of the cast, and baby you have no idea how pumped we all were. There were people out there who cared enough about me to ask to get a picture with me. It’s such an insane feeling.”

“I have no idea how crazy that’s gotta be. I’m really proud of you love, you have no idea.”

“Except that I do.” He lifted her head off his chest to lean down a place a light kiss to her lips, gentle and tender-just like him. They broke apart from the kiss, each smiling from the love that filled their body just being around one another. “You wanna watch something for a little bit?”

“Absolutely.” She said with a smile. He grabbed the remote from his side table and put on some random movie for the two to watch with one another.

A few hours later, Y/N pulled her phone from her pocket to check the time, seeing it was far later than she had meant to stay. He had to be up in the morning and she had a significant drive home. She looked up to find her boyfriend asleep, his curls falling backwards and laying gently on his pillow. She snapped a photo before shaking him gently.

“Josh, hunny, I have to go.”

“No, please don’t.” He said, wrapping his arms around her body just a bit tighter than before. She pawed her way from his grasp. She sat up and stretched out her body after laying down a majority of the day. She began grabbing her things that had been scattered around the room.

“It stopped raining.” Josh broke the silence of the room, clearly still waking up.

“Hmm?” Y/N said from the edge of the bed, putting her shoes on her feet.

“It stopped raining. You hate driving in it.” He said, standing up and wrapping his arms around her. She let herself sink into his hug, allowing her arms to find their way around his body, reaching upwards to scratch his back a little.

“I’ll be okay.” She pulled herself away and looked up at him. For a moment, her eyes started to well up with tears. “This saying goodbye thing will never get any easier, huh?” She lets out a breathy chuckle after letting the words fall past her lips.

“It’ll only be a few weeks. We can talk, text, facetime, whatever you want every single day. We’ll be okay. There will come a time when we won’t have to say goodbye.”

“We’ll be okay.” She smiled at him and pulled his face down for one final kiss. “I love you Josh.”

“I love even more Y/N.”

She walked outside, her feet getting damp from the wet grass she had to pass through to reach the sidewalk. The road looked beautiful like this. Freshly damp from the rain with streetlights reflecting off of it. One of the most overlooked beauties of the world. There was nothing quite like the orange that glistens off the cement. She got into the drivers seat and her head fell forward to lay against the steering wheel as she fumbled to put her keys in the ignition. She turned the radio up and sat back towards the seat and reached for her seatbelt. Just as she was about to buckle, her door swung open.

“Josh, what are you-“

“Get out of the car.”

“Why?”

“I…I just want to dance with you.” He said sweetly, eyes fixed on hers.

“Right here?”

“Right now.” She giggled at the boy in front of her. He gestured his hand towards her.

“M’lady.” She laughed and grabbed a hold of his hand.

“What a gentleman.” She stepped out of the car, planting her feet on the ground before setting her gaze onto his eyes. “You never fail to surprise me.”

“That’s the goal.” He smiled causing her to push his shoulder harshly back. His other hand fell to delicately hold her back and pull her toward him. Her hand fell upon his shoulder as the other two bent upwards to bring the two even closer. They moved side to side with ease and grace and the music played softly from the inside of her car. The streetlights shone on them, casting a dim orange hue on the sight. Y/N laid her head upon his chest and began to focus on his heartbeat as they continued to dance.

“Hey Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you been practicing this with Franklin?” Sweetness oozed from her voice as the joke hung in the air.

“Wait a minute, Y/N, are you jealous?” He feigned shock and confusion.

“Oh yes, I am so threatened by a stuffed bear wearing glasses.” A chuckle left his lips and into the still night surrounding them. All Y/N kept thinking was, ‘I never want to leave this moment.’ No one in the world could ever make her feel as comfortable and loved as Josh did, and she hoped he had felt the same. Because from the minute she woke up until the minute that she went to bed, he was at the forefront of her mind. Little did she know, but it was the same for him. Y/N was the only person he could trust with everything in him and there was no one else he wanted to tell about his days. They were so completely, utterly transfixed and in love with one another. He hummed along with the music as a few tears fell from her eyes and onto his shirt. This moment was gonna end and she was going to leave, but she knew it in her heart that this moment was gonna last forever in ways she would never understand. She was going to remember the sounds of their feet scuffing on the cement, the feeling of his chest rising and falling in time with his breathing, the way his hand traced her back and the amount of adoration she had for him for the rest of her days.

“Okay my love, I think I have to head to bed. Thank you for dancing with me.” Josh said before pressing a kiss to her forehead. She loved how he always rubbed the back of her head while he did it.

“Goodnight Josh. I love you and I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you, see you soon.” He kissed her once more before turning and jogging into his house. As she sat in her drivers seat about to leave, she let each second of that seep into her memory. He just wanted to dance with her, and she wanted to dance with him just as much, and always will.

#joshua bassett x reader #joshua basset imagine #joshua bassett #joshua bassett x you #josh bassett #hsmtmts

[eternalmx]

the wisp sings. | lee jooheon.

➵ genre: fuff, angst.

➵ warnings : none;; you may cry. I apologise. ♡ pain

➵ wc | 1040

{1:24𝓪𝓶} She sat by the window, watching as the rain droplets slid down the glass in different speeds. Her long day finally coming to an end but she couldn't sleep.

"What are you still doing up my love?" Jooheon asked, walking into their shared bed. Her heart jumped at the sight of him.

"You're here" she said softly, walking over to him. "I couldn't sleep." His arms wrapped around her, engulfing her in a warm hug.

"Do you want some tea? We can watch a movie if you want?" he asked, placing a soft kiss on her head. She sighed, leaning her head into his chest. Taking in his sweet scent. She didn't speak, to caught in the moment of being able to hug him again, she only nodded.

Once sat in the kitchen, Jooheon poured some water into the filter. Placing it on the stove. He leaned against the countertop and turned to look at his girl. She was wearing one of his sweatshirts and a pair of yoga pants, her eyes red and heavy.

"You look beautiful" he said, flashing his dimples at her. She laughed lightly because she didn't believe him but she knew better than to fight him on it. A few moments later the water filter beeped, signaling the water was heated up. She stood up waking to the cabinet for teabags.

"What flavor should we drink? Lavender? Lemon? Chamomile?" she asked, putting on a small show to showcase the tea. He laughed and her heart ache hearing the sound.

"Surprise me!" Jooheon said, closing his eyes and holding out his hand. She rummaged through the cabinet some more before settling on a flavor.

"Okay, you can look" she said, placing the teabag in his hand. He opened one eye peeking down at her as she moved back a little.

"It's honey for honey!" she half yelled. Earning a hard laugh from him. He grabbed her head between both his hands and looked at her. His eyes were her home. The safest place she's ever know. Yet, looking at them a feeling of longing crept up in her body.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Jooheon asked, holding her head between his hands still. She gently shook her head.

"How about you go sit in the living room and look for a movie and I'll make us a sandwich okay?" he said, finally releasing his hold on her and returning to fill up their tea mugs.

"Okay, you're staying right?" she asked, before leaving the kitchen.

"Of course I am" he said, giving her a weak smile.

After flipping through endless movies she settled on one. Jooheon joined her a while later with sandwiches as the both sat and ate in silence. His company was like a warm hug.

The silence was a comfortable one. The one where you listen to your lovers breathing and a sense of relief rushed over your body because they're exsisting in the same moment as you. Something so small yet so intimate.

After eating, they laid on the couch. Her head resting on his chest. His chin rested on her head, hands softly playing with her hair.

"Do you want to talk about your day?" Jooheon asked her. She squeezed her eyes shut holding his shirt tightly. She focused on his chest rising and falling and the way his hand ever so gently ran through her hair.

"I missed you so much" she said. Burying her face in his chest. His sweet scent taking over her senses.

"I miss you too babe" he said. His arms holding her tightly against his body.

"Why'd you leave me then?" she asked. Holding onto him as if he would disappear any second.

"Babe..." he said, voice coming out in a whisper.

"Please... Just tell me" she begged, softly sobbing into his chest. His arms still wrapped around her protectively and tightly.

"You deserve so much better" Jooheon said, voice cracking as he kissed her head.

"I don't want better. I want you" she said. Looking up at him. His eyes red and tears threatening to fall. He shook his head at her and bit his lip to stop from crying.

"Promise me something?" he said, softly. Using his thumb to wipe her tear stained cheeks.

"Anything." she said, sitting up a little to get a better look at him.

"Promise me to take care of yourself? Don't worry about me. Make sure to eat okay?" Jooheon said, voice cracking as he hugged her tighter, "Drink water. Go outside. Talk to your friend's okay?"

Her eyes burned. She knew it was fake. Jooheon wasn't there. His warm hold on her growing cold. He kissed her head. Hands holding his tear stained shirt tightly.

"I love you so much Joo." she said, burying her head in his chest. Taking in his scent one last time.

"I love you too" he said, squeezing her tightly.

{11:15𝓪𝓶} The sun shined through the window. Raindrops falling off the leaves outside. Sidewalks shiney from the rain the night before. She opened her eyes and grabbed at the empty space on the bed next to her. The ache in her chest creeping up on her slowly.

It's been three weeks. Three weeks since he left. Three weeks since they broke up. Three weeks since she last heard his voice. Three weeks since she last felt his arms around her body. Three weeks since that day.

Small sobs filled the room as she recalled the dream. It felt so real but she knew better. His sweet scent still fresh in her nose. The warmth of his hug still on her skin. But it was all a dream. She held onto a pillow and cries for a while. She replayed him saying "take care of yourself", in her head over and over. She took it as a sign. She took a deep breath and got up.

She turned on the shower, then turned to the sink. Her reflection staring back at her. Hair messy, eyes puffy and red from the excessive crying. Her figure more dull and fragile from the lack of eating and sleeping. Her eyes filling with tears again looking at how much she's lost herself since she lost him.

#jooheon #monsta x #monsta x imagines #monsta x scenarios #monsta x smut #monsta x fluff #jooheon imagines #jooheon smut #jooheon angst #jooheon fluff #monsta x jooheon

[itsyourcupofcoffee]

Preference-"I love you"

Dazai

 Tuesday

 Your fingers held the small coffee cup. The aroma fulfilled your nostrils. Your eyes were directed towards the man sitting in front of you. Analyzing each one of his facial expressions, he was gorgeous, but not only that, he was intelligent, he was affectionate, especially when you both were alone. You felt so privileged to get to know that wonderful part of him that not many people knew about outside the four walls, or while sitting on a picnic blanket on a Yokohama sunset.

“What do you think y/n-chan?" You blinked, once, no, twice, to wake up from your thoughts.

"Emm... Yes" Osamu's face transformed into one of 'Disappointment'.

"Oh no, my y/n-chan does not listen to me!” He pretended to be hurt.

You always imagined him as a strong person. No, he was a strong person. How does he not break? Always putting up this act. There were days when the night arrived without anticipation, and Osamu's fake sobs begging you to stay over, became very effective on you.

You knew that in his lonely moments he suffered, and in a very abrupt way. You had this habit of not being able to achieve sleep when you stayed at someone else's house, because no matter how much "At home" Osamu made you feel, it was impossible for you to doze off at a reasonable hour.

You witnessed how he screamed or apologized repeatedly in his sleep. You used to silently cry, pretending to be asleep, not knowing how to help him. After a lot of reflection on the matter, you came to the conclusion that the best that you could do was to give him time to eventually open up to you so he wouldn’t be pressured to do so.

"You are still not listening to me, are you? You do hear that sound, right? it's the sound of my heart breaking," said oh, so dramatically Osamu

The corners of that Café were decorated with your laughter. "On top of that, you laugh at my pain, aww, y/n-chan"

"You have no idea how much I love you, Osamu.

The mask he wore disappeared, his eyes got wider, he predicted everything, always one step ahead of the others, but he never expected this. He never anticipated something like this.

"I seriously mean it, I love you, Osamu" your eyes were lost in his.

The most realistic smile adorned his handsome face.

"I will never be able to understand what I did to deserve someone like you" he rose from his seat and his long-bandaged arms embraced your figure. And for a moment Dazai felt human, he felt alive.

"I do too, y/n".

 Akutagawa

 Saturday.

Anger, rage is what the young mafioso was unloading on the small bedroom they both shared.

He destroyed everything in his path; Rashomon made his appearance as he heard footsteps heading towards him, ready to attack anyone who was capable of interrupting his rage. When he noticed who it was, he stopped immediately; it wasn't just anyone, it was you.

You were not afraid; you knew very well that Ryunosuke would be unable to harm you. Obviously, his reputation as one of the most feared Mafia members and the most sought-after man in Yokohama did not stand up for your opinion.

"Don't do that, don't show up behind me unexpectedly. I could hurt you," a sigh escaped his lips.

You giggled and made your way to his physique; your hands cupped his face. He stiffed. Your emotions and affection were something he was slowly trying to get accustomed to. He couldn't demonstrate how much you filled his dark heart, each of your ways of showing him that you loved him. He didn't understand. You must hate your life so much to spend it next to a person like him.

But he did not want to lose you, not today, not tomorrow, not ever; he was absolutely capable of destroying anyone who tried to hurt you or tried to take you away from him.

"I know that you would never hurt me. What's the matter, Ryu," he melted every time your lips uttered his name. He wanted to give you his whole world, even if it is not ideal, he would do so without hesitation.

He closed his eyes, letting himself get caught by your warm hands on his face. The hatred he felt a few seconds ago, had vanished, drifted away from his mind.

"Nothing, just a bad day at the port" he sighed, now calmer.

"You try too hard Ryu, but what you don't know is that you do everything perfectly well, and you have worked very hard to get to where you are today and you deserve every one of your triumphs. I am very proud of you" a bright smile rested on your face, it was so bright and beautiful that he could swear that no matter how dark the room was, your smile would be capable of illuminating every corner of it, without any effort.

No one had ever told him he was worth it, no one ever cared about him, not like you did.

"I... I love you" that last word came out as a whisper, he would shout it to the whole world if he had to, but his world was you.

You didn't know how to react to so much love. You pushed him onto the bed with a big hug, shouting at him while crying with happiness and covering his face with kisses "I love you too Ryuuuu!

There he knew he would never be alone, not anymore.

Chuuya

 Friday.

The rain poured down like rose petals in autumn, suddenly settling on the roof of the apartment. The room was flooded with silence, tears fell from your eyes wetting your cheekbones and a pillow you were clinging to. They fell like waterfalls, but your throat emitted no sound at all. You were broken, torn with sorrow.

Lately, you were immersing yourself increasingly in that obscure world that hid your mind; we might call it insecurities.

Your fears were becoming bigger and bigger, and you were taking advantage of the moments alone to unload everything. You did this when Chuuya was not at home.

You had no idea how a person as loving and perfect as him could possibly be with someone like you. Is it out of pity?

You were so immersed in your judgment that you didn't realize Chuuya had already returned.

"My love, you don't know what-" petrified he stopped dead at his tracks.

He didn't know what to do, were you hurt? was something aching? Did someone harm you?  he was already furious.

He rushed to your body, gently gripping your arm.

"What's wrong? Did someone hurt you? I swear I'll kill him."

Your silent cries became increasingly loud and noisy. Chuuya didn't understand what was happening and the concern was reflected throughout his features.

"W-why? Why do y-you do this?" Your words, filled with uncertainty and sadness, echoed across the room.

" Do what y/n?" he answered with surprise.

" Being with someone as horrible as me?" you asked

His eyes widened with shock at those words, a mixture of anguish and anger took over his body. Did someone say something to you?

"I don't understand why are you saying that" with his hand he removed the hair that was covering your face and placed it behind your ear.

You covered your eyes with the palm of your hands, your entire body spasmed due to the torment that fed your mind.

"Speak to me, my love, please, has someone said anything to you?" chuuya wrapped his arms around you as you rested your head against his chest.

"No, no one said anything to me, I thought about it myself. It doesn't make any sense, you are all that is good, everything any person would wish to have in their life. And me? I am absolutely worthless, I don't outstand in anything, my appearance is dreadful, I don't deserve to be by your side, you will always be able to find someone a thousand times better than me".

Chuuya loosened his grip on you and stared straight into your eyes, he thought you had lost your mind. He couldn't possibly believe you thought that of yourself.

"If anyone should feel bad about not being sufficient as you say, that person would be me and-" your words interrupted his.

"No, chu-" you shook with surprise

"Please let me finish" he settled down on the bed, and you only nodded your head.

"I think you are the most beautiful and wonderful human being I have ever known; I fall more in love with you each day. At times I feel that I don't deserve someone as incredible as you, but whenever I watch you asleep by my side, it is impossible to believe there is a life without you. I try so hard, uf, I work so much to demonstrate all this love that blossoms within me. You are so beautiful, and you don't even try to be, it just comes so naturally. I love you, and I want to make all those insecurities disappear, and make you as happy with me just as I am with you".

Your lips closed the distance between his lips and yours, it was a kiss full of bliss, full of life, full of pure love. A love just for you and no one else but you.

" Thanks for being who you are, I love you".

#bsd #dazai x reader #dazai osamu headcanons #dazai osamu #dazai x y/n #bungou stray dogs x reader #chuuya fluff #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara #Akutagawa x reader #Akutagawa bsd #Akutagawa #Port mafia #Ada agency #Aku x reader #Chu x reader #Osamu x reader #Bsd x reader

[aellynera]

Slingshot (Llewyn Davis x Reader)

SLINGSHOT

(this was inspired by the song “Slingshot” by Ellis Paul, which i think is one of the loveliest love songs ever written, and is something i could hear Llewyn playing on his guitar.)

Word Count: 2412(ish)

Summary: There are many different kinds of storms. Some are fierce, some are quieter, and some walk around with a name and show up in your apartment at three o’clock in the morning.

Warnings: Not really. Maybe a bad word or two.

It was late, almost three in the morning, and you had tried all you could to fall asleep. Mindlessly watching some TV. Listening to soft music on your old second-hand record player. Hot shower. Hot cup of tea. Cold shower, since it was getting more humid outside and therefore hotter in your apartment. Glass of water. Another shower, but just warm instead of hot.

Still awake.

You sighed and filled the kettle again, preparing to make another cup of tea. You knew it was probably useless, but thought perhaps, just maybe, it would work this time. At least your lip had stopped bleeding and the side of your face was now a dull throb instead of the excruciating, blinding torment it had been a few hours ago.

You sighed as you set the kettle on the heating stove and turned to search for a clean mug. There was exactly one, of the entire three you owned, that wasn’t in the sink to be washed. Grabbing it, you unceremoniously tossed a tea bag in as you waited for the kettle to boil. And then you almost dropped it when you heard a voice coming from the doorway between the living room and kitchen.

“Jesus Christ, what happened to you?”

You sighed as you just barely managed to keep a grip on the mug. Dropping it and watching it shatter across your kitchen floor would have made this horrible day infinitely shittier. You should have been more surprised but the sudden appearance, but in all honesty, you really were not. It was more surprising that it was about to rain. The weather had been calm and tranquil no more than twenty minutes ago.

“Llewyn!” you hissed. “What the hell.”

He motioned over his shoulder towards the living room. “I was passin’ through, and I saw your window was open and it’s about to start pouring, and I figured maybe I didn’t have to get drenched so I came up the fire…” he paused as you closed your eyes and blew a breath out your nose. “Baby, what happened?”

You turned back to the stove. You forgot about your lip and winced when you went to bite it. Thank god your back was turned and he didn’t see it. All you wanted was to go to sleep and this was the last thing you needed right now. He was the last thing you needed right now.

“Don’t you baby me, Llewyn Davis. I haven’t seen you for weeks and now you...technically, you just committed a B&E, and you scared the shit out of me.” He didn’t, really. More like annoyed the shit out of you, after the day you’d had and the fact that you hadn’t seen him in weeks.

He huffed. It sounded slightly offended. “No I didn’t. Well, not the breakin’ part, anyway. Sorry if I scared you though.”

“Llewyn, you came in my window. Unannounced. No warning.”

“But there was no breaking,” he stressed, “because your window was open. So yeah, I only entered. Christ, anyone coulda come in here.” He motioned over his shoulder again and leaned on the doorjamb, idly picking at a stray thread on his glove.

An annoyed sort of squawk left your lips as you put the mug on the counter and pushed past him into the living room. Oh for the love of...you could do this, you could do this. Count to ten. Breathe. Think of harmless, inconsequential things like puppies and unicorns and daisies. Anything except how frustratingly...frustrating...the man in front of you could be. And how he’d disappeared for weeks and now just entered your apartment at nearly three o’clock in the damn morning like it was nothing.

But with Llewyn, it was never nothing. That was the problem.

“The window is open because it’s hot and it gets stuffy in here. And you didn’t answer my question,” you snapped, even as you pushed the window closed, maybe just a little harder than you meant to. You snapped the lock shut for good measure.

Llewyn shrugged, still eyeing your slightly swollen cheek and puffy lip. “I was around, just, y’know...and then I went to Chicago for a little while, and…”

“Chicago?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, long story.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away for a second. But it was only a second before his deep, dark eyes were back on you.

“They usually are, with you.”

“I write songs and stories, what can I say. Seriously, what happened to your face?”

You sighed and flopped onto the couch, grabbing one of the throw pillows and hugging it to your chest. The sky outside was lighting up, rapid streaks of energy piercing the falling darkness. Fitting for how your whole night was still going. “It’s nothing. A couple of drunks got into a fist fight and I got caught in the crossfire.”

Now Llewyn raised an eyebrow. Both of them. “Things gettin’ more exciting at the Gaslight since I’m outta town? Christ, I didn’t realize folk music was so explosive.” He moved over to the couch and sat down next to you.

“Folk music, not so much. Stray elbows to the face, a little more so.”

“Damn, sweetheart.” He reached a hand toward your cheek and you flinched. “Hey, I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” His voice was soft. So soft.

The kettle whistled shrilly and you sighed, started to get up. Llewyn stopped you and stood himself, then placed a kiss to the top of your head and went into the kitchen.

“Whose ass do I have to kick?” he asked as he poured boiling water from the kettle.

You snorted. “What, you gonna take on all the drunks in the Village?”

“If I have to. You gotta put the lunatics back in place when they think they’re runnin’ the shop.”

He came back into the living room and handed you the steaming mug of chamomile tea. You took it carefully from him and inhaled some of the steam as he returned to the spot next to you on the couch. “You sure you’re okay?” he asked, stretching his legs out and leaning back against your shoulder.

Thunder rumbled loudly, the lightning strike that caused it close enough to make your window shake. It rolled in on itself several times, the sound slowly draining away as the air temporarily settled again.

You considered this for a few minutes as your earlier irritation with him began to dissolve. Llewyn was hard to figure out sometimes. He was cynical and rude and prone to misanthropy  on a fairly disturbing level; on the other hand, he could be hopeful and sweet, caring and at times even romantic. You were used to him coming and going, it was just part of who he was, but honestly...you wished more often than not that he would just stay. Things felt more right when he stayed.

You took a sip of tea and turned your head towards him, offering a wan smile. “I’m fine, really. It was just a couple drunk preppies. I can take down drunk preppies.”

He smiled back. “I know you can. You’re tough as shit. I wouldn’t wanna meet you in some dark alley. I’m just sayin’...I got your back, you know. If you need backup, I’m your guy.”

You hid your smile behind the mug now. “What are you gonna do, beat them over the head with your guitar?”

“Hell no. Jesus, what do you think I am, some kind of savage?” You had to giggle. Llewyn honestly did look offended now, at the mere thought of any damage coming to that beloved instrument. 

“Nah, my nephew Danny gave me his slingshot. I’ll make sure I always have it in my pocket with a couple of rocks,” he continued, running a hand through his hair. “Pop the drunk preps in the head a few times, get their attention. Maybe get ‘em to stop being douchebags.”

The laugh that was about to escape your lips stuck in your throat when you looked at Llewyn again, really looked, and saw the turmoil reflected in his eyes. He was trying to be light, but there was definitely a heaviness that overshadowed his mood.

The sky outside finally broke and rain lashed wildly at your window. A flash lit up the room briefly, followed by another resounding boom that rattled the pane of glass in its frame. And then the lights went out.

“Shit,” you muttered, finding the side table in the darkness and putting your mug down. You slipped your shoulder out from under Llewyn and started to get up. “I have candles in the drawer by the sink.”

“I know where they are, I got it,” he replied, getting up before you could. He went to the kitchen in the nearly pitch black, like he could see in the dark. You heard the drawer open and him rummage around, and then he was back in the living room, lighting a candle with his cigarette lighter and placing it on your coffee table.

You couldn’t quite explain the twinge you felt in your chest at his actions. It felt so casual, so normal, that he just knew where things were in your apartment because he was there often enough. That tickle of thought that I wish he would just stay crept into the back of your brain again.

You said nothing as Llewyn settled back down on the couch again. This time, he reached over and pulled on you gently so you were laying your head on his shoulder. The breath you let go was deep and entire, as if it were coming all the way up from the tips of your toes. He idly stroked your hair as the elements continued to thrash against the walls around you.

Neither of you spoke for a long time. You just watched the candle flicker and listened to the rain steadily bounce off the window.

“Sorry I disappeared on you,” Llewyn finally said, his voice low and quiet.

“You wanna talk about Chicago?” you asked, leaning into his warmth, not taking your eyes off the dancing flame of the candle.

You felt his shoulder move slightly as he shook his head. “Not really.”

You fell into silence again. The light touch of his fingers on your hair and the sound of the rain outside began to make your eyes heavy. The air inside was getting stuffy, from a combination of the humidity outside and the gentle heat from Llewyn’s arms and chest. The last bits of tension eased out of your limbs and you swore your face even stopped aching as much. Finally.

“You ever think about getting out of here, for real though?” your words were becoming tinged with sleep, soft and low and nearly a whisper.

“Out? Where would we go?” Llewyn chuckled, tilting his head down to place the lightest kiss on top of your hair.

We. He said where would we go, not where would I go, you realized. And he had apologized for leaving. You really started to wonder what had happened in Chicago.

“Dunno. Anywhere. A cabin in the middle of the woods.” Despite your suddenly sleepy comfort, a hint of amusement crept into your voice. “A hut on a beach somewhere.”

“Cabins in the middle of the woods are kind of horror movie,” he said. “And I’m not really big on sand.”

“Mmm. Okay, how about...a castle? We could build a castle somewhere, I’ll be the princess in the tower and you can be my one-man army, defending the keep with that slingshot in your back pocket,” you giggle. The rolling thunder of sleep was definitely starting to win over you now.

Llewyn stopped moving, then pulled himself out from behind you. For a few seconds you worried that you said something that was too much, that even suggesting that you be somewhere together and that he stay for once might be too much. The sudden loss of his comfort felt more stifling than the hot, uncirculated air in the room.

But he had said we, not I.

Where would we go?

Llewyn leaned over and blew out the candle. The next thing you knew, he had picked you up in his arms and was carrying you back towards the bedroom. The lights were still out, but your eyes had adjusted well enough to the dark to function. And Llewyn knew where he was going anyway.

He gently set you down on your bed and then, somewhat your surprise, stretched out next to you. Normally he would have just made his move to the couch. You made a note in your sleep-addled brain to ask him again about Chicago in the morning. Something had definitely happened, but...it could wait until morning.

He looked at you nervously, as if he were afraid you might decide to kick him off the bed and out into the storm outside. You gave him a sleepy smile and reached for his hand, intertwining your fingers and pulling it to your chest, asking him to stay. Telling him to stay.

Some of the turmoil in his eyes seemed to disappear as he realized you were not, in fact, going to kick him out. Part of you realized that the storm outside had settled, the rain had stopped, with just a few distant peals of thunder clinging to the atmosphere.

He moved closer to you, pushed a stray lock of hair off your face, and kissed your forehead. “Don’t need a castle,” he whispered. “I got my princess. And I’ll protect this with a whole lot more than just a slingshot.”

“You sound like you’re writing a song,” you sighed. You turned onto your side and curled up into his chest.

“Hmm, maybe. That’s what I do,” he smiled into the dark.

“Llewyn…” you mumbled, the last flicker of consciousness slipping from you as the last flares of the storm outside faded away, “Stay.”

There was a magic cure for your sleeplessness and your pain. It wasn’t mugs of chamomile tea or warm baths or vapid images on your television screen. It was thunderstorms and mysteries and open windows by your fire escape.

It was Llewyn.

The last two things you were aware of were his arms slipping around you to hold you close and his hushed reply.

“There’s no place I’d rather be.”

~end~

tag list: @anetteaneta @darksideofclarke @girlwiththemostcake @rosemarysbaby13

(if you would like to be tagged in future fics, just let me know!)

#oscar isaac #oscar isaac character #llewyn davis #llewyn davis x reader #llewyn davis x you #fanfic #writing #song fic #i love this man with all my soul

[simplyshelbs16xoxo]

‘This Love Came Back to Me’ Chapter 9: Half Agony, Half Hope

Ao3 | Buy Me a Coffee?

.

.

               They were stuck in limbo. Molly had no idea where they stood. She was leaving all of it up to Sherlock. If they only stayed friends, she’d be okay with that, but there would always be a pang in her chest to remind her something was missing. If he didn’t want to see her again…she felt it could very well kill her inside. Those two options seemed more likely than what she truly desired. She had been clear with him about what she wanted, but he hadn’t said a word. He would be leaving for the airport soon with John and Mary, and nothing else had been spoken on the subject.

               Molly so desperately wanted to fly back to London with them. She loved Galway, but it wasn’t home. In fact, she realised she hadn’t been home in a long time. Home was Sherlock; his heart, his arms, his lips. Her heart practically screamed at her not to let him go. She didn’t want him to leave, but she would gladly go back if he asked. Soon, Sherlock and the Watsons would be swinging by her flat. They had gone and checked out of their hotel, and Molly had offered for them to pass the rest of the time at her place.

               When they did arrive, they kept their luggage by the door, and gathered in the sitting room with her. Molly dragged out Cluedo and the four of them played a quick round. She had bested Sherlock at the game much to John and Mary’s amusement. It wasn’t much longer before it was time for them to take their leave. Sherlock waited until it was just him and Molly left. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace and he did the same, in no real hurry to leave her.

               “Molly…” he sighed, stroking her hair. Why was it so hard for him to say how he felt? It was as if his words were wrapped in barbed wire, unable to escape.  

               She sniffled, knowing they would never be the way they once were. Molly willed herself not to cry as he pulled back to kiss her cheek. She closed her eyes, savoring it, wanting nothing more than to turn her head just enough for their lips to touch. His arms dropped, letting her go, leaving her chilled. “Take care of yourself, Sherlock.”

               He offered a reassuring smile. “I’ll try. You do the same.” Picking up his bag and stepping out the door, he turned his head back to get another glimpse of her face. He had hoped more would be said between them, but he couldn’t get the words to slip out. The only thing that kept him going down the stairs was the fact it wouldn’t be long before he knew for a fact where they stood, having left her a letter she had yet to find. Sherlock knew she loved him, but he also knew that love wasn’t always enough. He knew he’d get his answer before touching down in London.

.

.

               Her flat felt so empty now without her friends—without Sherlock. She decided to pop in a movie in order to get her mind off things. Only twenty minutes in, and she could hardly pay attention. Cluedo was still sitting on the coffee table, so Molly put the lid on it, picking it up to put away, but beneath the box was an envelope with her name on the outside of it written in Sherlock’s hand. She set the game aside on the ground and quite literally took her future in her hands, seating herself back on the sofa to read it. Taking a deep breath, she opened it and retrieved the written words hiding away inside.

Darling Molly,

               I’m afraid words are not my forte…at least not when spoken aloud. I write this to you with love in my heart, of which I have decided to leave with you. If you want it, it is yours—my heart, my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Two years ago, you broke my heart, but I cannot help to think that I am partially to blame. Perhaps if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my work, I would have noticed your worries. I should have tried to contact you, should’ve tried to go see you. I fear I haven’t tried enough, and for that, I am sorry.

               I do not wish to leave Galway without you, but perhaps, it will give you time to think of what you truly want. I know what you said the night before on the beach, but perhaps it is not best to jump right into things like we did the first time. My heart has always been yours. It beats for you, alone. In our time apart, I have loved none but you. I have never given myself to anyone but you.  I know I was callous and cruel; resentful, even. But know it was not due to hatefulness; instead, it was because I hated having to admit to myself that I still loved you despite your actions.

               I welcome these feelings again most fervently. I remain devoted to you, to us. I still burn for you, blazing in the dark. I want to write concertos on your skin with my lips. I ache for you. I miss you. I forgive you. I love you so much. Tell me that it is not too late for us. Come back home to Baker Street, to me. Is ceol mo chroí thú (you are the music of my heart.)

Affectionately yours,

               Sherlock

               Her hand covered her mouth, her breathing ragged as tears slipped down her cheeks. Quickly, she wiped them away and tucked the letter back inside the envelope. She needed to get to the airport as soon as possible. Their flight was due to leave very soon. Though a light rain was falling, she didn’t bother grabbing a coat. Molly slipped on her flats, grabbed her keys, and ran for the door. She threw it open, flew down the stairs and out onto the street. The rain had picked up and goosebumps arose on her skin. She slid on the slick pavement. A pair of familiar arms caught her just as they did in London and set her upright. Her breath caught in her throat.

               Eyes only for her, blue as the sea after a storm, Sherlock Holmes stood before her, soaked to the bone. Relief, desperation, and love were all reflected in his expression. “I couldn’t bear to leave you—not without saying anything. I love you, Molly. I love you so damn much.”        

               Raindrops mixed with her tears, and she smiled, a light laugh escaping her. “Oh, Sherlock, I love you too!” And with a tilt of his head, Sherlock’s lips pressed firmly to hers, one hand at the small of her back whilst the other slid up into her wet hair, cradling the back of her head. She moaned as his tongue slipped in to meet hers, her hands at his back, pressing his body tightly against her. It was all so dizzying. Just moments ago, Molly feared she had lost him forever, and here he was holding her, kissing her, loving her. Sherlock slowed their kisses, exploring her inviting mouth and soft lips tenderly as if getting to know her all over again. He nuzzled his nose against hers with such warm affection. Molly pressed another long, lingering kiss to his lips, pouring her entire heart and soul into it, and it left him breathless.

               Sherlock felt her shiver in his arms and he slid his coat off his shoulders to wrap it around hers. Their foreheads touching for a moment, he smiled, grabbed his bag, and led her back inside. He was happy to know he had made the right decision to get off the plane, but perhaps, not as much as when he realised she had been on her way to find him. For the first time in a long time, everything felt like it would be okay.

.

.

               Her damp hair fanned out over the pillow, Molly’s face brightened when Sherlock appeared in the doorway. He had just changed into his tartan pajama pants, and much to her delight, he hadn’t bothered putting on a shirt. As soon as he slipped into bed beside her, she crawled over to him and kissed him, playfully tugging on his bottom lip. His tongue darted out to lick her lips, teasing her without mercy. “Mmm,” he hummed, kissing her fully, her honeysuckle scent enveloping him—the one he had tried to replicate because he had missed it so much. He was home.

               Goosebumps arose on his skin as her fingertips trailed down his side. He wanted her so much, and his body sensed the familiar press of her against him, his desire stirring. Sherlock felt he could get so lost in her that he might disappear. She sat astride him, leaning over to trail her lips down his neck, and he closed his eyes, giving himself over to the sensation. This time when his heart ached, it wasn’t from being heartbroken, but from being so in love and being loved in return in the same capacity. His quiet moans and sighs pleased her—he could tell by the way she wriggled herself against him.

               Her hands seemed to burn him where they roamed over his skin, no longer cold from the rain. Her hair tickled him as she lowered her head to leave kisses on his chest, making sure she pressed a very tender one over the scar from his bullet wound, and another right over his heart. All he could think was, she loves me so much. Sherlock slid a hand to the small of her back, rubbing circles against her skin with his thumb. With the other, he lightly squeezed her bum and she giggled, lifting her head to meet his eyes. “Cheeky bugger…I’ve missed you.”

               “I’ve missed you too,” he said softly, reaching up to tuck a few damp strands of hair behind her ear. Molly rolled off him and snuggled up to his side, burying her face in the crook of his neck. “Have you read my letter?”

               “I did,” she replied. “It was so lovely, but Sherlock, none of this was your fault.”

               He hugged her tight, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I should have known something was wrong. Observation is what I do—how could I fail to notice such an important detail? Especially after you met with Mycroft. Surely, I should’ve been able to figure that out.”

               Sleepily, she replied, “Despite what you want others to believe, you are only human. What is it you say? ‘There’s always one thing?’”

               Sherlock chuckled. “I suppose you’re right, but I still should’ve called at the very least, even if you didn’t pick up. At least you would’ve known I still cared.”

               “You were heartbroken—calling me was probably the last thing you wanted to do and I don’t blame you for that,” she assured him. “Please don’t blame yourself. You were so good to me. You still are. Thank you for loving me all this time, even when I didn’t deserve it.” Shifting her eyes upward briefly to glance at him, Molly saw the expression on his face, telling her that he knew she was right.

               He gently brushed his fingers through her hair, her words having brought him the comfort he sought. Half-whispering, he confessed the truth of his heart aloud. “I will always love you, Molly.” She smiled sleepily at his declaration, falling asleep not long after. Sherlock carefully reached over to turn out the lamp and wrapped his arm back around her, settling himself in for the first good sleep he’d have in a long time.

#sherlolly #this love came back to me #my fanfiction

[blissfulalchemist]

41 for the kiss asks for Mary?

Thank you for asking Anon! Now I am not entirely sure if this is what you were looking for since there is only one AU timeline where the Mary identity is fully embraced. To see that happen please read this piece here. 

Either way I do hope that you enjoy this piece!

41. Kisses shared under an umbrella/canopy

When Catlina was a child she used to believe that sometimes the weather would reflect her mood, for it seemed that when she was sad the skies were grey and rain fell against the windows. Childish beliefs, ones that Mary had tossed aside once she was older, for if there was any truth to it then the rain falling on them now would have been here since she first arrived in this place. It wasn’t even that cold of rain to her as she looked around to the few that had shown, bundled in warm clothes, her short sleeved dress a stark difference among the crowd. It seemed to be fact that they all assumed that she moved with ice in her veins now as she stood listening to the muffled sounds of Pastor Jerome. Her eyes couldn’t leave the near matching caskets for very long, only one thought passing through her mind: There should have been three caskets, not two. 

Someone near her, it looked to be Nick and Kim, sniffled, holding back tears. Mary glanced up seeing Nick’s arms around his wife, rubbing her arms in comfort. Mary’s jaw clenched, teeth grinding together, how dare they cry for them. They didn’t know anything about them, not like she did. They didn’t love them the same way that she did, it was all an act. All an act for neither of them could feel the pain she felt when it was three am and she laid awake looking to the stars, her mind replaying the memories of them….of him. 

Rafael, the archangel of healing, a shared name and by the lord above did he live up to it. God really had sent him to her, let him heal her broken soul, but as is the cruelty of God, he took him away. Even going as far as to take away the calming meadow she nurtured and cared for, dead and buried next to his friend. Oh what a pair they made, how much joy the three had experienced in the short time they had together, she had hoped for more of that time with them when this was all over. It was never going to be over now.

Mary heard her old name mentioned, looking to meet Jerome’s dark brown eyes, “Would you like to say something?” Say something. What could she tell these people? A story on how she found a kindred spirit in Wes, who like her, wanted nothing more than to be loved and accepted as they were, but fearful in ever letting the real them out into the world. How her favorite memory was of them playing cards when the power went out during a thunderstorm, leaving the handmade pizza doughy in the center, all because it was easier to read the cards in the dim lighting of flashlights. The deep conversations they had as they played mind numbing games of War, finding that they were people that were always meant to be friends. 

Say something. Tell them all how Rafael gave her an all consuming love that burned hot and bright when it started and still burned once it cooled down. How she believed another love far from her grasp, came back the first moment their eyes met and she felt everything again. She could never pick a favorite memory with him, there were too many, each one playing out in the back of her mind as she kept a steady gaze on Jerome. Each memory was too precious, sacred, to share with others that were never worthy of him in the first place. She shook her head turning back to face the six foot deep holes, lips tingling as some rain caught her face despite the umbrella, one of the last moments of true intimacy between the two of them playing in the reflection of the glossy casket. 

“How do you manage to have exactly what’s needed every single time it’s needed,” Cat laughed, standing on her tiptoes reaching for the lowest branch.

“It’s called being prepared, Conejito,” Raf’s smile was warm, some wet curls falling to his face, “You should try it some time,” his laughter was her favorite song as she smiled, loosely tying her corner off. 

She made her way under the canopy arranging the blankets and pillows on the ledge, “Hey I was prepared. I brought all the comfy blankets and pillows for us tonight.” Her heart raced as his eyes met hers, the pull in her abdomen getting stronger, she just wanted to have his arms around her, but of course it had to start raining. Moments like these felt rarer since deciding on how they would finally bring John into the fold, safe, and with the ability to be with Wes the rest of his life. “I even managed to snag some of the good wine from John’s cellar,” Cat said, holding up the bottle for Raf to see.

He gave her a quick kiss as he moved to the other side to re-secure the canopy that she couldn’t reach, “And I thank you for that mi amor.” Cat blushed as she worked on stripping herself of her shoes and wet jacket, catching Raf’s eyes looking her over, “We’re staying here all night right?” She nodded, pulling him closer to the center once he finished, removing his shoes and wet jacket. His fingers traced along her jawline tilting her chin up towards him, bringing his lips to hers, stopping just short of full contact, “I love you,” he whispered.

Cat smiled, whispering, “I love you, too,” she pressed her lips against his, feeling his arms wrap around her, her hands holding on to the sides of his face. Their kiss deepened as Rafael held her close, moving them closer to the ground. He laid Catlina on her back against the makeshift bed of blankets, pulling away.

Her breathing was heavy as he looked into her eyes, a hand running up the curve of her hip, “Promise me forever, Conejito. That we will always have forever.”

Cat’s fingers ran down his neck and chest nodding, “We’re going to have forever. I don’t want forever with anyone else but you, Raf.” Their lips met again, the heat from their bodies all that was needed in the chill of the rain that night. 

The memory ended as it always did, feeling like the last time she’d think of it again as their bodies were laid to rest. Mary was no longer that woman, she never would be again. She turned leaving quickly as people approached to throw dirt over them, there was no need for Mary to partake in such traditions, they were already gone. She also didn’t want to face the lingering sympathy some held for Catlina, it should have been obvious by now that she was dead too. 

Mary stayed silent, looking out the window, Lance driving her to the church, radio shut off. It was a rare moment that she missed Lance’s ability to speak to her, maybe see warmth and care in his eyes again. She pushed the thoughts out of her head, it was those kinds of things that brought about Cat’s death, it was a weakness. The church appeared empty, everyone taking shelter from the rain, as the two approached the car being parked in the back of it. Lance stepped out of the car first, grabbing the umbrella to hold over her as he helped Mary out of the car. She gave him a smile, eyes blank through the soaked red ski mask, following dutifully behind her. 

“Mary,” Joseph greeted her, stopping her just outside the doorway, “I didn’t think you’d make it.”

“Why wouldn’t I Joseph,” she responded, wary as he leaned down to hug her, invading the small space under the umbrella. Her skin still crawled where he touched her, that was the only thing that lingered of Catlina, the thing that Mary couldn’t seem to let go. 

He pulled away, hands still on her shoulders, “You do not have to join us tonight sister. I know that loss can be a difficult thing, the people of the church will understand if you miss the service tonight.” 

She was about to respond when Joseph placed a kiss on her forehead, something that family would do under similar circumstances, not this one. They weren’t family. She grabbed onto his throat quickly, nails digging in as she pushed him against the door frame, his eyes widening for just the briefest of moments. “Don’t you ever dare put your lips against me in any form ever again,” Mary growled, eyes narrowed and teeth grinding. “We aren’t family. You will never be my family. I am here for one thing and one thing only,” she tightened her grip, hearing the small gasp for air, “to serve my purpose. Once that is done I will leave,” it felt too easy to just push against his neck until it snapped, “Do I make myself clear?” Her nostrils flared as she waited for him to respond in some way. Finally he nodded, Mary letting go, his hands rubbing where she had held him.

She pushed past him into the building, Lance following behind closing the umbrella, composing her face to the one she needed for the followers. Joseph’s time was coming. If she was to rid the world of its cruelty and pain, he would have to go also, but she needed him still. She needed him and so he was slated to be the last before she ended her own life to repent for her own wrong doings against humanity.

#brains and disaster #catlina (derogatory) #why not put it there right? #I love getting anons but I hate that I can't garuntee that you'll be able to read it :'( I hope you find it! #Yes this is a continuation piece

[vannahfanfics]

Hushabye Mountain

Category: General Fluff

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Characters: Shota Aizawa, Eri

Yay! My first entry for @bnhabookclub​‘s Bingo Event, for the prompt “Sing to Sleep”! I knew when I saw it that I had to write some fluffy Dadzawa TT.TT Enjoy!

The rain pounded against the walls and windows, filling the ordinarily quiet night air with insistent drumming. Occasionally, the wind would wail and rattle the branches of the trees outside, making their spindly fingers and dripping leaves scrape against the siding. Thunder rolled in the roiling gray clouds, preceded by brilliant flashes of white streaks of lightning that carved like lines of silver through the fluffy masses.

Shota could see the reflection of the window in the bright glaring screen of his laptop. For the last ten minutes, instead of finalizing his lesson plans for the following week like he ought to, he had been watching the water stream over the glass pane like a thundering waterfall. A particularly loud boom of thunder shook the dormitory, and he sighed deeply, leaning far back in his computer chair to rub his eyes.

He peered through his fingers at his alarm clock. Bright, neon green numbers spelled out 2:18 a.m. in the gloom. He ran a hand over his face, which then split into a long yawn. For a man who loved his sleep, he sure found himself awake at ungodly hours of the night more often than he wished to.

A small creak from the other side of the room attracted his attention. He used his feet to turn the chair around to glance at the bedroom door, finding it slightly ajar. Ruby red eyes, watery and full, blinked at him from the small gap. With a small tsk, Shota rubbed the side of his head and gestured for the little girl to enter the room.

“Does the thunder scare you?” he inquired as Eri shuffled into the small bedroom. She stopped several feet away from him and silently shook her head. Eri had been residing at U.A. for several months now, but the girl was still very much skittish. Smiling softly, Shota motioned with his hand for her to approach. Her butterfly-patterned yellow nightgown swished around her little knees as she cautiously padded over the wooden floor to his chair. “What is it, Eri?”

“I had a nightmare,” she admitted meekly. Her little fingers wrung into themselves, and she looked guiltily at her bare feet. “I dreamed… That I was back there, and he was doing those awful things to me.” She ran her small hands over her arms, arms that had not too long ago been swathed in bandages. Her bottom lip wobbled as tears sprung to the corners of her eyes. “I dreamed that Lemillion and Deku were dead, and he was laughing at me, telling me it was all my fault!”

“Hey, hey,” he consoled quietly as she began to cry pitifully. He leaned down to slip his hands under her armpits, and then lifted her effortlessly into his lap. She rubbed at her teary eyes with her hands, sniffling and hiccupping. “Overhaul can’t hurt you anymore,” he crooned, smudging the tears away with the pads of his thumb. It did little good, as the girl continued to cry petulantly, replacing the deposed tears with new ones. Shota just exhaled and hugged her head to his chest, running his fingers through her wavy, white-silver hair. He had never been good with children. Hizashi could probably get her to smile, he thought with a click of his teeth.

Eri snuggled into his body as she cried, pawing her little hands into the folds of his tee-shirt. After a few minutes, she ceased her weeping and propped herself up on her knees to cuddle into his shoulder. Shota’s hand smoothed soothing circles into the small of her back, and he leaned his head against hers.

“I know he can’t hurt me anymore,” she whimpered, digging her hands into the sleeves of his shirt, “but it still frightens me. I’m afraid that one day I’ll wake up, and all of this will have been a dream.” Shota smiled painfully. This is much too heavy a burden for a child to carry. If I ever see Overhaul again, I’ll rip out his insides, he thought bitterly. He pushed Eri back so that she sat on her knees, pouting uncertainly at him. Shota brushed a strand of her milk-white hair from her round face, tucking it behind her ear.

“That’s a pretty scary thought,” he agreed gently, “but you’re safe now. This is no dream.” Her small lips curled into a shaky smile, and internally, Shota shouted victory. Another roaring roll of thunder resounded through the heavens, shaking the sturdy walls of the dormitory. Eri squeaked and jumped into him, making him chuckle and wrap his arms snugly around her quivering body. “So, you are scared of the thunder, too.”

“It’s so loud! I could never hear it so deep underground… Is the sky falling?”

“No, the sky’s not falling. Come on now. Let’s go to your room.” Obediently, she wound her slim arms around his neck and tucked her tiny legs against his waist. Bearing her weight with the thick of his left arm, he rose from the chair to head to the little girl’s room. The drenched yard beyond the row of floor-to-ceiling glass windows thrashed in the thrall of the storm; the crackles of lightning illuminated the thrashing trees and trembling bushes and rippling puddles of rainwater. Eri’s vermillion eyes reflected in the glass like two shining blood moons, beholding the splendor of nature’s power.

“Are you sure we’ll be okay?” she asked unsurely. Shota smiled and patted the back of her head reassuringly.

“I’m sure. Tomorrow, the grass will be greener and the flowers brighter because of all this rain. If you asked him, Midoriya might take you out to play in the mud puddles.” He felt the girl stiffen with glee, and she released a delighted little gasp, making him grin. Maybe I know children better than I thought.

The pink nightlight blazing in the corner filled Eri’s bedroom with a soft, rosy glow. He carried her over to her bed and gently lowered her into it, then pulled the comforter snugly under her chin. She pouted thoughtfully up at him, her eyes shaking like she wished to ask him a question. “What is it, Eri?”

“Will you sing to me?” Shota’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. Eri fingered the hem of the comforter, looking a bit guilty. “I’m sorry. We watched a movie the other day, and a mother sang a lullaby to her baby. I don’t… I don’t remember if my mother ever even sang me lullabies… I just wanted to know what it was like.” Shota’s mouth twisted into a mixture between a smile and scowl. Jeez, how awful would he be, to refuse such an innocent request from such a traumatized girl? Resigning himself to the humiliation, Shota sat on the edge of the bed and wracked his mind for a suitable melody for the girl. Deep in the recesses of his memory, he recalled a tune.

“A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain softly blows over Lullaby Bay. It fills the sails of boats that are waiting, waiting to sail your worries away,” he sang awkwardly, shifting on the bed. Eri’s blood-red eyes watched him rapturously, her lips slightly parted in fascination. He cleared his throat and continued, looking up at the ceiling with pink cheeks, “It isn’t far to Hushabye Mountain, and your boat waits down by the quay. The winds of night so softly are sighing. Soon they will fly your troubles away.”

He peeked out of his peripheral vision to see Eri’s eyes drooping. She blinked slowly, like a cat, and smacked her lips a little. The edge of Shota’s mouth curled upward into a smile. “So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain, wave goodbye to cares of the day, and watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain sail far away from Lullaby Bay.” Her chest was rising and falling with deep, unlabored breaths. Her red irises just barely peeked out from beneath her long lashes, and they hazed with exhaustion. Shota smirked, knowing she was forcing herself to stay awake for the last verse. He swept his hand over her forehead, ruffling her soft bangs. “So close your eyes on Hushabye Mountain, wave goodbye to cares of the day, and watch your boat from Hushabye Mountain sail far away from Lullaby Bay.”

With one final, long exhale, her eyes drifted closed. Shota cocked his head and watched her sleep for a while, stroking lines into her cascades of hair. Her face remained peaceful and unworried; no more nightmares tainted the solace of her rest. The rain had dwindled to a soft pattering against the roof tiles, with the thunder no more than a few distant rumbles. He leaned back on the palms of his hands to watch her with a tiny smile. Shota hadn’t been quite sure what to make of it, when Principal Nezu had assigned her to his care. Yet, looking at her then, so pure and content, Shota knew in his heart he didn’t regret it.

“G’night, Eri,” he breathed and brushed her small knuckles with his fingertips. Her little mouth curled into a teensy smile and she muttered his name, though she was completely unconscious. He hesitated for a second, then leaned over and pressed a small kiss to her forehead, overwhelmed by paternal instincts. When he leaned back, her smile had widened.

When Shota finally ventured back into his bedroom, the neon numbers were shouting 2:37 at him. Groaning, he flopped face-first onto his bed, not even bothering to pull the covers over himself. Lying on his belly and hugging the pillow, he looked thoughtfully out the raindrop-splattered window. … Maybe tomorrow, I’ll wake up early and take Eri to play in the mud puddles myself. Smirking, he rolled over to set his alarm for the following morning.

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

Tag List: @deliathedork​ @simplybakugou​ @sadistiks​ @wesparklebitch​

#bnhabookclub #bnhabookclub event #bnhabookclub bingo event #dadzawa #aizawa shota #aizawa shouta #shota aizawa #shouta aizawa #eri #mha eri #bnha eri #my hero academia #mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero #mha fanfiction #mha fanfic #bnha fanfic #bnha fanfiction

[moonprincemulti]

You Are Always Mine - Prologue

- 12 Aug 2020

- prologue of a serie (YAAM)

- catboy/shapeshifter hyunjin & music producer chan

- top chan x bottom hyunjin

----------

Chan shivered as he stepped outside the studio building, pulling his hood over his head as it was pouring rain. It was another one of those dark rainy autumn days, and Chan always disliked how wet and windy it was. Almost as if the weather was punishing everyone who went outside. Chan took a deep breath, building up some courage before beginning to walk home. Luckily his apartment wasn't that far from the studio, but with heavy rain and strong wind, Chan would be soaked anyway. 

Chan kept his head down, not having to look where he was going to know the way. He tried to walk as fast as possible, wanting to get out of the rain, but got distracted as he walked past a dark alley. Did he hear it right? Chan stopped and turned around, slowly walking to the alley. Chan then heard it again, a soft meow, coming out of the dark part of the alley. Chan took his phone out of his pocket, trying to shield it from the rain as much as possible. He turned on the flashlight, shining it around to get a better look. 

The alley was filled with boxes, trash and some random neglected furniture. He took a few steps further, pointing his flashlight at every dark corner he could find. Another meow, this time a bit louder. Chan began to get curious, as the meows got louder everytime he stepped further into the alley. When his flashlight suddenly reflected against two small cat eyes, he knew he had found the source of the meowing. Chan carefully came closer, seeing a young cat, curled up against a box.

"Hey buddy.. are you okay?" The cat meowed again, hissing softly at Chan. Chan bit his lip. "I know, the rain is horrible.." Chan studied the cat, seeing one of the front paws covered in blood. The cat wasn't moving it or putting weight on it, and it didn't look good. Chan took a deep breath, reaching out to pet the cat. "Hey bud, I'm going to help you, okay?" The cat hissed louder, the ears folding back and its fur standing up. "I'm sorry, I'm not gonna hurt you. You don't have to be scared.."

Chan tried talking to the cat, knowing it probably couldn't understand, but he hoped his voice would calm the cat down. He gasped as the cat lashed out, scratching Chan's hand. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.." Chan shook his hand to forget the pain, quickly reaching out again to grab the cat. He luckily could grab the scruff of the cat, lifting it up as the cat went weak. Chan was happy he had watched a few veterinarian programs on TV, because now he knew that grabbing a cat's scruff wouldn't hurt it. It wasn't the best way, but Chan hoped he could help the cat atleast. 

Chan opened his coat and stuffed the cat inside, holding it close to his chest. "Alright, bud. I uhm... I don't know any vets in this neighbourhood so.." Chan got up, the cat being clearly anxious, hiding more in Chan's coat. "I'll just take you home first before I find some vets.."

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Chan closed his door behind him, the cat letting out a soft meow. Chan chuckled softly and opened his coat, carefully grabbing the cat to take it out. "Here we are.." The cat hissed softly as Chan carried it to his bed, quickly grabbing a nearby towel to dry the cat off. The cat meowed loudly, clearly being upset about the situation. "I'm sorry buds, I'm drying you off and then I'll take a look at your paw, alright?"

Chan slowly uncovered the cat's face from the towel, but let the rest of the cat's body stay under the towel. Chan smiled gently, looking into the cat's eyes. "Will you stay here? I'll grab my first aid kit." The cat meowed softly, panting slightly as it was anxious. Chan nodded and let go of the cat, quickly walking to his bathroom to grab the kit. 

He was relieved as he came back as the cat had only moved to hide under the towel. He sat down on the ground next to the bed, carefully lifting the towel. "Are you okay? Can I look at your paw?" The cat looked at Chan, still panting. "You're scared.. poor kitty.." Chan petted the cat softly, hoping to calm it down. He glanced at the bloody paw, seeing a bit of barb wire tightly wrapped around it, the spikes pricking deep into the skin. 

Chan took a deep breath, covering the cat's head with the towel but leaving the paw uncovered. The cat lied down, and Chan felt like the cat was allowing him to treat his paw. Chan opened the first aid kit, getting out the necessary things, beginning to carefully and lovingly help the cat.

Chan chuckled as he looked at his improvised cat bandage, biting his lip because he was not sure if it would stay on. "Well.. If you don't move, it might be alright." Chan peeked under the towel, softly petting the cat with a smile. "Thank you for letting me help you. I hope you aren't in too much pain now." Chan heard the cat mew softly, letting him stay under the towel to rest. He got up and closed the kit, bringing it back to the bathroom and throwing away the used stuff. 

He felt his stomach rumble, putting a hand on his belly. "Hm.. should I order something?" Chan walked to his small kitchen, which was nothing more than two counters, a sink, a small stove and a minifridge. He opened his fridge, seeing how empty it was. "Well.. I guess that means yes.." Chan glanced over at his bed, looking at the towel that showed the countours of a cat. "I guess you must be hungry too.. but no pet stores are open at 11 at night.." Chan closed his fridge, opening his cabinets, finding a can of SPAM.

"Hmm... I'm not sure if this is healthy but.. it's meat.." Chan took the can, opening it and putting a bit in a bowl, mashing it so it was broken into smaller pieces. He walked to the bed, lifting the towel slightly. "Hey buds, do you want this?" Chan offered the bowl to the cat, and to his suprise the cat sat up, beginning to eagerly eat the SPAM. "Good. Good kitty." Chan smiled and sat down next to the cat, grabbing his phone. He shivered as he remembered his wet clothes. "Right.. after I order I'll take a shower." Chan took a deep breath, ordering some food for himself. "Twenty minutes... that's enough to shower." Chan quickly undressed, stepping into the shower to warm himself up after being soaked by the rain.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

After dinner, which was more of a midnight snack, Chan locked his door and shut the curtains. He climbed into bed, the cat lying at his feet. Chan smiled and snuggled into the blankets, warming up slowly. Chan closed his eyes and sighed, relaxing as he began to fall asleep. He felt the cat move a bit, curling up against him, but he was already to sleepy to react. That night, Chan dreamt about something in his past, stirring around as he slept. It wasn't a nightmare, but it wasn't a happy dream either. It was uncomfortable, a bad memory. 

He then felt arms wrap around him, someone spooning him from behind. He made a small sound, thinking it was part of the dream. Chan felt the memory disappear again as he felt the person hugging him more tightly. Chan let out a deep breath, smiling in his sleep as he then got a nice dream. The rest of the night he had the feeling he was constantly being hugged, but just before he woke up in the morning, the feeling disappeared. Chan's alarm went off, waking him up from his deep sleep.

Chan groaned and smashed the button, silencing the alarm for the next few minutes. He sighed and hid his face in the pillow, not really in the mood to get up yet. As he felt something soft and fluffy in his face, he opened his eyes, seeing the cat rubbing up against him. He chuckled and softly patted the cat. "Morning buddy. I'm glad to see you're feeling better." Chan sat up and ruffled his hair, petting the cat as he slowly woke up. 

"You know, I had a weird dream last night.. as if someone cuddled me.. it was nice though." Chan hummed and smiled. "Sadly enough it was just a dream. You're just a little kitty, you can't spoon me, hm?" Chan looked at the cat, who meowed at him. Chan nodded. "Yeah.. breakfast. You want some more of that SPAM?"

#straykids #straykidsfanfic #bangchan #hyunjin #bangchristopherchan #hwanghyunjin #catboy #shapeshifter #topchanbottomhyunijn #yaam #youarealwaysmine #fanfic #kpop #hyunchan #hyunchanfanfic

[revalise]

Player One [Kozume Kenma]

I laugh along with Kenma as we play another set of Mario Kart. As old as we were, this was our favorite game to play together.

"Hey, that's cheating!" I complain playfully when he bumped my cart before he left a banana peel for me to slip on, causing my cart to fall behind.

He only smirked, eyes not drifting on the monitor, "No, it's not."

I put my eyes back on the monitor, only to find out he's already passed the finish line.

I put the controller down, annoyed of my loss, before jumping on the bed to lie down against my stomach.

I felt a movement on my side, "Quick tempered," he teases and I felt his arms wrapping me up and pulling me closer to him.

"Whatever," I act in annoyance, "I'm really good at playing that."

"You are," he kissed my hand, "but not against me."

I playfully hit his chest which earned me a chuckle in response, "You're mean."

I smiled to myself. It feels like everything is just as I wanted it.

The sound of the rain against the windows echoed the room and Kenma's sweet scent were enough to make me sleepy against his embrace.

We were supposed to go on a normal date today, but thought otherwise when it started to drizzle. We ended up at his place and just played for a couple of hours until now.

"So cold..." I caressed my arms with my hand.

Kenma pulls me closer before covering ourselves with a blanket, "Sleep," he kissed my forehead.

I smiled to myself, quite surprised of how close we were compared to a few months ago when we met for the first time.

***

I twirl nervously in front of my full length mirror.

I heaved a sigh, "This won't do."

I sprawl myself on my bed filled with different other clothes I've been trying and debating upon for tomorrow.

Why is going on a meetup so hard?

I think I've already gotten every single piece of clothing in my closet to try out for tomorrow, and yet, it still won't do.

"Ugh," I covered my face with a pillow and screamed in frustration as I hugged it.

My thoughts wander to what may happen tomorrow. I'm meeting my closest friend in the game!

What if he thinks I'm weird or what? This has gotten me all freaked out. I'm not used to all of this, really.

I'm meeting Kenma, my co-player in an online game, for the first time tomorrow. We met at the animal crossing discord server and have been talking for a few months now. He was my closest friend in the game.

Distracting myself of my thoughts, I went up and tried to look more other possible outfits to wear. I can't come looking like my normal self. I have to at least look presentable.

I twirled once again in front of my full length mirror.

I wore a short plaid pastel blue dress and topped with a lighter shade of blue cropped cardigan. Then I paired it with my Nike Airforce 1.

I put my (H/L)(H/C) hair down and curled it a little and made it look natural. Lastly, I put on a barrette to make it cuter.

Well, this will do. I'm just thankful that I got to pick and outfit before the meetup. And it looks cute on me too!

Good thing I remembered that I bought a new dress last week. I've been so occupied lately that I forgot the things I buy.

"I'm heading out!" I yell as I run down the stairs.

"Come back before 10pm!" my mother replies from her room, her voice a little unclear because of the distance.

"Got it!"

I hurried to the cafe nearby where we agreed to meet. Can you believe that our place isn't very far away from each other?

Soon enough, I reached the cafe. I didn't go inside but rather stayed outside and held on the railings to block the pathway and the road.

I've been here a couple of times with my friends. We'd hangout after school and talk and laugh about random things.

I smiled remembering a certain boy I often see in the cafe who had fairly long hair with a blonde hair color and black on the roots.

I pegged him as a troublemaker kind of type when I first laid my eyes on him, but he seemed to be really laid back and quiet around his noisy friends. So I cancelled that possibility out.

He'd catch my attention couple of times. Coincidentally, we're always in the cafe at the same hour with our own friends.

I blushed when I remembered one time we both came with our group at the same time.

I was laughing with my friends as we approach the  cafe. But upon seeing him on the opposite direction with his friends, I halted closely behind.

He was as quiet as ever and his eyes were darted on his phone as he walks alongside his rowdy friends.

My company had just entered the cafe then followed his.

He was the last one to enter, but before he could fully go in, he shot me a glance and opened the door for me.

My cheeks heated, "Thank you..." I lowered my head a little.

The blonde looked away and scratched the back of his head, "Y-yeah..."

The afternoon went on in the cafe like usual. I talked, laughed, and had fun with my friends. But sometimes, I would glance at him, and there are times when I'd catch him staring at me too. Then, we'd both look away to break the contact, and I would always blush as I did.

I shook my head to distract myself of the thoughts about the certain boy I often see in the cafe. I'm meeting someone else for heaven's sake! It's not very good to think about someone else.

I heaved a sigh. I step on the bottom of the railing with my right foot and leaned with the support of my arms. I grab my phone to text Kenma. We exchanged phone numbers prior to the meetup.

Soon as I was about to send him a text message, I received a message from him.

Kenma:

I'm almost there

I can see the cafe already. I'm wearing a blue pullover

I pout and type a reply:

I'm here. I'm wearing a blue dress  and cardigan

I fix myself from my position and looked around me, trying to look for the vague description he gave me. As I turn my head, a figure of the certain boy whom I've always seen in the cafe come to my vision.

His eyes were darted on his phone as he walked nonchalantly and had his hand in his pocket. But what surprised me was that he was wearing a blue pullover.

I immediately turn my back on him. I closed my eyes, panic rushing through my system.

It can't be him, right?

"U-uhm..." I hear someone speak behind me.

Slowly,  I turn around. I smiled awkwardly at him, surprised at the revelation.

"(Y/N)..?"

"Y-yeah..." I nodded and my voice sounded small, "Kenma..?"

Kenma lowered down his phone and nodded at me as well. His eyes reflected nonchalance, but I could tell he was feeling a little awkward as well.

What would you have felt if someone you've been talking to and so close with online has been right in front of you?

"O-oh..."

There was a slight awkward air between the two of us. It was as if we both didn't know how to act around each other. We were so close in the game, like we've known each other forever, but never had I thought that he's someone I see so often.

We entered the cafe with him opening the door for me. The cold temperature from within the building touched my skin and the pleasant smell of coffee against my nose.

"Thank you," I smiled at him, showing my utmost appreciation and respect, and hiding my awkwardness.

Kenma returned my smile and followed to me to where I sat, "What would you like?"

I stopped for a moment to think of what I want to eat.

I want to order my favorite pasta! This is my favorite cafe after all. But I recall my mother telling me not to eat so much in front of a guy, not that it matters, but this is Kenma after all. It'll be to embarrassing to have him see me like that.

"I'll just have (F/D)."

"Are you sure?" Kenma looked at me with hidden concern and curiosity in his eyes.

I smiled to show him it's fine, "Of course."

He left the table to order for us.

I used the opportunity to send a message to Yachi, my best friend. She had second thoughts on my decision to meet my friend I met in-game. She warned me about what may happen, but then I felt otherwise. I knew Kenma wasn't that kind of person. I'm glad I trusted my intuition.

'I met him already!'

It didn't take another second for her to reply back, 'What is he like?'

I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from smiling, 'It's the blonde guy we usually see at the cafe!'

'The one you're always looking at? OMG'

I grimaced at her words. I'm not! I typed in another reply, but before I could finish it, Kenma came back with our orders. And to my surprise, he ordered my favorite pasta!

I shove my phone back to my pocket, "Pasta?"

"Yeah..." he nodded and showed me a sly smile, "I noticed that's what you always order here."

My cheeks heated at his confession. Does that mean he pays attention to me?

"Thanks for meeting me here," I started, "Not everyone wants to have a meetup with their gaming friends."

"O-oh.." he lowered his head down, touching the straw of his coffee drink, as if he suddenly became anxious.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

Kenma fixed his gaze on mine and looked away, "I thought it was a date..." he mumbled that I almost didn't hear it.

I giggled and covered my mouth, "We can call it that."

***

Author’s Note:

Sorry for the lack of better words! I'm still trying to write again. Hopefully I get to write a better narrative in the future.

#haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu imagine #kenma kozume #kenma x you #kenma x reader #kozume kenma #xreader

[givemequeen]

vienna ; john x reader

request: How bout uhhhh 51? (totally not because Area 51 no that was a random number I promise shh) 51: JOHN REQUEST IF YOU HAVENT GOTTEN ONE YET: just super soft..... lots of hugs and kisses and praise...... dancing together and a kiss in the rain mayhaps.... IM JUST SOFT OK TYSM FOR UR TIME a/n: so i asked yall for a number and this one came up :)))) also i picked the 80s because i wanted them in New York but then Vienna came on and i was like “gotta write about that” i LOVE Vienna by Billy Joel, i got it from The Politician (GREAT TV SHOW, LOVE IT) and Ben Platt’s version is beautiufl/ pairing: john x reader summary: fluffy shit with Johnnnnnnn warnings: FLUFFFFFF year: ‘80s because i want them in New York lol word count: 1,628

John bopped your nose making you pull your head back. “Oi, what was that for?” you asked rubbing your nose and pulling away slightly.

“I dunno,” he replied pulling you back to him using the arm that was wrapped around your back. You sighed and your head fell onto his chest, his heartbeat thumping loudly in your ear calming you down. John was drawing on your back sending shivers down your spine (body’s aching all the time) when his fingers would brush over a certain spot.

You were currently laying across the couch with John, music was interrupting the silence. John would occasionally sing along to the record, making you smile against his chest. He had his arm around your back, legs up on the couch. You had both your arms wrapped around his torso, your body fully on top of his, legs tangled with his. Earlier on you had pulled a blanket on the both of you, it was also tangled up.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too Johnny.” you giggled pulling your head up to get a good lock at him. He was looking down at you, his head propped up on a pillow against the couch's arm and a massive smile on his face. 

“God I love you so fucking much yn.” his other hand went to your cheek, his hand brushing against the soft skin. You pressed your cheek against his hand and hummed. “You’re so perfect, I’m so fucking lucky, you have no idea yn...” John added, you moved further up to be closer to him and to be able to kiss a sappy John.

“Why so sappy Lennon?” you teased as you peppered kisses all over his face.

“I dunno...” he repeated. “Let’s dance.” 

“Alright.” you got up without questioning his sudden urge to dance. His hand took yours as soon as he had stood up from the warm and cosy couch you had been lounging in. His hand slipped around your back and rested on your back. You giggled as he dipped you and grabbed onto his shoulder as to not fall. John dramatically sang and made strange faces making you giggle even more. “I love youuuuuuuuu.” he sang and kissed your lips.

John pulled you close once the song was done and a slower, more romantic one came on. You turned your head to the side and pressed it against his chest. You had extended your other arm to the side with John’s and he was lazily moving it up and down to beat of the music. His voice was still going but this time softer, you felt the vibrations against your head. John had been slowly moving around in circles and just as this song ended your face was looking at the window.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” you whispered, your eyes fixated on the dark outside world. 

“Now?” he asked.

“Yeah.” you pulled away and looked into his eyes.

“Alright, let's get our coats.” you smiled and dragged him to the entrance of the flat. You quickly put on your boots and coat. “You’re going to freeze.” John tutted as he teasingly pulled a beanie over your eyes.

“I can’t see!” you complained while fixing it, John chuckled in the backroom. He was leaning against the wall behind you as you looked into the mirror. “All done! Let’s go.” you hooked your arm with him and squeezed out the door. The lift ride to the bottom of the building was quick and in no time you were outside and headed to Central Park. You passed a couple of other couples and people on the way there.

“Heya John, yn!” some fans would say before kindly asking for an autograph. You loved this, it was much better than being chased around by screaming fans and John did too. He would gladly accept and even ask for their autographs leaving the fans surprised before agreeing. 

“God I love this,” John said breathing in the cold air. The path was lit by lampposts to the side. Your hand was slipped in his, swinging in between you. You looked all around you trying to make out shapes in the darkness. The moon shone brightly above either of you and soon you reached a bridge, you walked over to the edge of the lake dragging John behind you and stood behind the wooden railing. 

You both leaned against in, your hand still linked and going over the railing. The moon’s reflection was over the still lake, you turned to your side and found John watching you a soft smile on his lips. “What is it?” you asked as a blush crept onto your face.

“Nothing, you’re just so cute.” he reached over and kissed your nose.

“So are you,” you replied and kissed him but this time on his lips that had gone slightly cold. Thunder rumbled in the background making you stand up straight and sigh. “We should head back,” you said with a pout.

“We can stay a bit longer,” John told you.

“It’s going to rain soon,” you mentioned looking over to the darkened clouds.

“If that’s what you want.” he too stood up and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. You leaned your head against your head and started the walk back home. But you didn’t reach your warm awaiting home in time, you were changing paths when it started to rain and John and you were in a clearing meaning you both got wet to the bone. Couples and people around you rushed to shelter. You were going to run as well but John grabbed your hand pulling you against his chest.

“John!” you squealed as his hand went to yours just like you had been in the flat when you had danced with him.

“Dance with me,” he proposed softly, his neck leaning down to kiss you. “Hear that?” John asked referring to the background music, someone was playing to the side but they were shielded by trees. The musician was playing Vienna, that song had been released a couple of years back and it remained one of your favourite songs, after John’s of course.

“Vienna,” you said a smile tugging onto your freezing face. “John it’s pouring.” you pointed out.

“You don’t say.” John chuckled as he began slowly moving. You gave in and danced along. “Slow down, you crazy child. You're so ambitious for a juvenile.” John sang making you smile even more. “But then if you're so smart, then tell me... Why are you still so afraid? Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?” you began bopping your head to the beat.

“You'd better cool it off before you burn it out. You've got so much to do And only so many hours in a day.” John continued as you joined humming. “But you know that when the truth is told hat you can get what you want or you get old. You're gonna kick off before you even. Get halfway through.” he harmonized and tilted his head back making you giggle. “When will you realize? Vienna waits for you.” John said with a fake, dramatic accent and your giggles increased.

“Slow down, you're doing fine. You can't be everything you want to be before your time.” the music was becoming softer as the rain got louder. “Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight... Tonight...” he pulled a hand off your back and waved his hand around. “Too bad but it's the life you lead. You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need. Though you can see when you're wrong, you know...” the instrument got louder as the song built up. 

“You can't always see when you're right. you're rightYou've got your passion, you've got your pride. But don't you know that only fools are satisfied? Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true. When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?” the music got softer and yet another instrument joined in for it’s solo.

“Slow down, you crazy child and take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while.” John sang before dipping you, your laughter rose and you held onto his shoulders. “It's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two. When will you realize, Vienna waits for you? And you know that when the truth is told that you can get what you want or you can just get old.” his voice rose over the roaring rain.

“You're gonna kick off before you even get half through. Why don't you realize, Vienna waits for you. When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?” John bopped your nose before bopping your nose. Just as his singing and the instruments stopped a wave of applause erupted around you. You looked away from John and saw that half a dozen couples had stopped under their umbrellas to listen to the amazing voice that they had stumbled across

You pulled away from John who had a surprised look on his face and joined in with the applause. He looked at you and narrowed his eyes. “Thank you all! And thank you for the music,” he said pointing at the little band you had not yet seen. The clapping turned to them and after John set down money in their cup a couple of people did so too.

The raining had calmed down now but you were both still wet. “Let’s go home yn,” he whispered kissing the side of your head and wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You both began walking and made your way back home where you would get changed into warm clothes.

“Thank you for that John, I loved it.”

“Anything for you my love.”

tag list;

@thebeatleswritings  @beatlevmania  @i-love-queen-3000​  @brians-metaphor26​ @honimello​  @julessworldd​ @storiesfrommirkwood​  @beatles-babee​  @geostarr​ @thiccjelly17​ @crab-king-69​  @in-the-frap-of-the-gods​ @psychosupernatural​

#john lennon #john lennon x reader #john lennon fluff #john lennon dancing in the rain #dancing in the rain #rain #john lennon imagine #john lennon one shot #80s!john lennon #80s!john lennon x reader #70s!john lennon #70s!john lennon x reader #john lennon blurb #the beatles #the beatles imagine #the beatles x reader #the beatles fluff #the beatles dancing in the rain #the beatles one shot #the beatles blurb

[soaimagines]

six months

Gifs not mine, credit to owners/creators.

‼️ MAJOR SEASON 3 SPOILERS ‼️

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Female Reader

Warnings: grief, mourning, loss, depression, language.

Grief plays pretty heavily through out this so please be cautious.

Authors Note: maaaan it has been so long since I’ve written something. I’m still convinced this is trash but I’m gonna post it before I yeeeeeet my laptop out the window. A huge thank you to @littleblogontheprairie , @harringtonhargrovethings and @justabasterd for reading through and encouraging me, I truly appreciate it.

Tagged For:  @yoinkpeter - @samiel-maurice455 - @total-fucktrash - @fangirlinganditswonders - @please-lives-are-at-stake - @house-in-charmingtown-imagines - @blood-on-my-french-fries - @goodiesintheclosetlove - @inlovewithagreaser - @crystalbaby12 - @fairytale-believerxx - @eternalmikaelson - @avahodge - @gingersearchingforsoul - @supernaturallymarvel - @spider–guy - @missblasphemy - @knightwolfdixon - @potatoe69fan -

I used by tag list from when I wrote for Billy ages ago so if you want to be removed/added let me know.

Masterlist

JULY

The trees lining the road blurred into an endless green, your eyes unable to focus as the car moved along the road.

Every now and then your mother would glance over at you, her brows furrowed with concern.

You knew the radio was on; it was always on. Your mother was a sucker for the latest pop hits. But you didn’t hear the music. A dull buzz seemed to take over and it wasn’t til your mother spoke your name for the third time that you actually heard her.

“Y/N? Honey?”

You couldn’t bare to look at her, to see the sympathy and worry in her eyes.

A grunt left your lips in response. You weren’t trying to be rude, you just couldn’t seem to find words.

“Do you want me to pick you up some lunch?” She pressed on gently.

You shook your head, though the movement was subtle. “I’m not hungry.”

Your mother watched as you shifted your body away from her to face the window.

The days events drifted through your mind. The funeral. There was a big turn out, which you’d expect for the ‘King of Hawkins’. The rows had been littered with girls you went to school with, and their mothers, all clad in black. Tears streamed down each of their faces, mascara staining their skin  and you knew if Billy was here he would have rolled his eyes and laughed, though a smug smile would have lingered on his lips.

You wondered if any of them had ever actually spoken to Billy. Probably not.

They didn’t even know him.

They didn’t know that he loved the hair at the back of his neck being played with, or that he liked his coffee black. They didn’t know he knew every fucking word to every Motley Crüe song and that he had an irrational fear of circus clowns. They didn’t know of the bruises that littered his body or the scar on his thigh. They didn’t know about his mother, or his father, and they didn’t know that all he ever really wanted was to be loved. They didn’t know that his laugh, his real laugh, was like summer rain and every time you heard it, no matter the weather,  the sun seemed to shine brighter.

No, they didn’t know him.

Because those things were hidden behind the walls he’d only let down for you.

And so you’d sat next to Max, ignoring the chorus of sobs that echoed through the room and you stared at the coffin, the familiar sense of numbing that you’d felt over the past room intensifying.

The service was a rush, a muddled blur. A few people spoke, droning on about some bullshit that Billy would have hated and before you knew it the door was closing on the hearse and Billy’s body was driven away.

You were brought back to reality when the car engine shut off.

Before your mother could ask how you were doing you slid out of the car and walked to the front door.

Your feet carried you to your bedroom and once the door closed behind you you let out a breath you didn’t realise you had been holding.

Bloodshot eyes scanned your room. It was the same as you’d left it this morning, but your eyes lingered on the bed.

Suddenly it seemed so.. big.

Your legs carried you forward and you slowly climbed onto the mattress.

As you lay down you closed your eyes and memories washed over you like a wave.

Images of Billy, his hair splayed against the pillow, golden curls framing his head.

The morning sunlight pouring in like marmalade, the trees outside casting shadows across his bare skin and the way his Californian tan contrasted against the white sheets. His lips pressing to your forehead when he woke, before slipping out the window before your parents came in.

His mischievous grin as he climbed through the window nearly every night and dove into the bed.

“Shhh, Billy!” You would hiss.

He would chuckle and grab your hands, pulling you towards him.

“Come here, princess.”

Your eyes flickered open and landed on the empty space next to you.

The space that would no longer feel the weight of his body.

You grabbed the pillow and hugged it tight.

It was faint, the scent of him, but it was there and you breathed it in as the tears began to flow.

AUGUST

The start of senior year wasn’t anything like you had imagined.

“One more year” Billy had told you. “As soon as you graduate we are going to California.”

You held on to that, it’s what pushed you to keep going when all you wanted was to give up. Maybe it was silly; it’s not like he’d be by your side when you crossed that state line, but you knew that you had to do it. For him.

And so you kept going to school, sinking into a familiar routine and drifting through the days as they all blurred into one.

The hallways were the worst. The whispers, the sympathetic looks. Even the laughter; not that it was directed at you. But how could anyone be that happy when the world was so cold and empty.

Many mornings now you had been late, your mind still not registering the fact that you didn’t have your own personal chaperone anymore. You walked into school alone, no arm around your shoulder or hand tucked into the back pocket of your jeans.

The jealous stares from the girls replaced with sad eyes and sympathetic smiles.

You caught the bus and you drifted through the hallways like paper moving in the wind.

Today was no different and you rummaged through your locker as the bell rang out, signalling the start of class.

With a sigh you pulled out the books you needed and slammed the locker shut  before heading to the classroom.

Desks were already filling and you eyed the rows before spotting one at the back of the room.

You stepped over bags and ignored the eyes on you as you made your way before slumping down into the chair and shifting your focus to the window. It’s not that the scenery was particularly interesting; it wasn’t. You just didn’t want to see any more apologetic smiles, as if they could possibly know what you were going through.

After a minute or two of listening to the teachers monotone voice you shifted in your seat and glanced down at your desk.

Almost immediately something caught your eye, and a breath caught in your throat.

In the corner of the desk was a carving.

A jagged ‘B.H’ with an equally messy carving of your initials underneath.

Your thumb brushed over the carving and you closed your eyes.

He had sat right here, in this seat, in this class.  

You could almost picture it, Billy, slumped in the chair with his legs stretched out, a bored expression on his face.

Billy, sitting next to his friends and laughing as they tossed pieces of crumpled paper into a girls hair.

Billy, huddled over the desk with his pocket knife, etching his initials into the wood before adding the initials of the girl he loved.

Billy, laughing, breathing, living.

Billy.

A tear spilled from your lashes and you stood abruptly, snatching your bag and rushing out of the classroom.

The teacher called after you but you didn’t stop.

You didn’t stop till you’d left the school grounds and you didn’t stop til you’d reached your street.

You didn’t stop til you’d slammed your bedroom door shut and fallen onto your bed and sobs ripped through your chest.

SEPTEMBER

The change in weather was causing havoc on your lips and you searched your room frantically for your chapstick. You searched the dresser and rummaged through your school bag with no luck before kneeling in front of the bedside table.

The drawer squeaked as you pulled it open and you rummaged through the contents.

You grabbed the tube of chapstick and were about to shut the door when you stopped.

The pack of Marlboro Red cigarettes stared back at you and you gingerly lifted the pack.

They had been stashed away for months, shoved to the back of the drawer and forgotten about.

“Just in case.” He winked and slid the drawer shut.

Your breathing quickened as rage took over and you crumpled the packet in your hands.

Without a second thought  you yanked the drawer out of its place and threw it to the corner of the room. It’s contents went flying and scattered across the floor.

You were shaking now, and tears fell steadily as you let out a jagged scream.

You swiped your arm across your bedside table, sending your lamp and alarm clock  crashing to the floor.

Leaping to your feet, your fingers tore at the posters littering your walls and you crumpled them in your hands.

You couldn’t stop,’couldn’t control yourself and the laundry hamper was flung across the room before you set your eyes on your dresser.

The lipsticks, your hairbrush, the bottles of perfume he’d brought you on Valentine’s Day.

All of it went flying as you tore through your room, demolishing anything in sight. Eventually your eyes fell on the mirror.

You stared at your reflection.

Loose strands of hair fell from your ponytail and hung around your face. Mascara stained your cheeks and there was a wild look in your eyes that you didn’t recognise.

An ugly sob tore from your throat and before you could stop yourself you clenched your first and swung.

The mirror shattered almost as fast as your heart had and the shards began to fall as you hit the glass over and over.

With bloodied knuckles and an aching heart you collapsed to the floor, your body curling up into a ball.

The crumpled pack of cigarettes lay next to you and you grabbed them, clutching them to your chest as the sobs took over.

OCTOBER

Music bellowed out into the street, disrupting the otherwise peaceful night.

You stared at the house, various Halloween decorations were scattered across the lawn and an orange glow came from every window.

Why did you let your friends talk you into this?

Before you could change your mind and run home to the comfort of your bedroom, you took a deep breath and walked into the house.

A couple were already making out, pushed up against the wall of the hallway. You shuffled past them, trying not to make any contact.

Scanning the faces of the crowd you searched for your friends.

When your eyes landed on a leather jacket you froze, for a moment, instantly mistaking the stranger for Billy.

His leather jacket had always been a regular feature of his outfits.

He had draped it over your shoulders last October, when the weather was getting colder and you had sacrificed comfort and warmth for the sake of your outfit. You had walked down the street hand in hand, laughing together about the movie you had just seen at the local cinema. But before the two of you could reach his car he had pulled you into the alleyway behind the florist.

A wicked smirk crossed his lips and you had bitten your lip as you leant against the cold bricks. He placed his hands either side of your head and leant in close and leant his forehead against yours.

You remembered how he'd kissed you, so soft and yet so rough, a sense of urgency in his lips. His hands immediately gripping your waist as he pulled you closer and your hands tangling in his hair.

You sighed and scanned the rest of the room, your eyes finally landing on your group of friends.

Shoulders brushed past you as you made your way across the room to the kitchen.

Your friends greeted you and you smiled sheepishly.

“Good to see you dressed up!” Molly said, her voice flat with sarcasm.

“I’m a mouse,” You pointed to the ears on your head. “Duh.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled, “Im glad you came.”

You smiled back at her and grabbed a red cup from the stack on the counter.

“Hey, we’re gonna go dance. Do you wanna come?” Molly asked.

You raised an eyebrow as you lifted the ladle and poured some punch into your cup. “Absolutely not. But go ahead, I'm fine.”

Molly nodded and headed off to the dance floor with the rest of the group.

You took a sip from the cup and grimaced. Whoever had spiked this punch had done an awful job, and you wondered just how many stolen bottles of liquor had been added to the bowl.

But you shrugged and took another sip. If you were gonna get through this night, you sure as hell weren't going to do it sober.

The majority of the evening you had spent perched on the edge of the sofa, watching your friends dance. They had tried to drag you onto the dance floor and you had refused each time, though you smiled at them and laughed at their goofy moves.

You were actually enjoying yourself, which surprised you, but you assumed it was mainly because of the punch you had been sipping on all night.

A large commotion outside caught your attention and you looked out to see a group of boys cheering, as they watched Tommy doing a kegstand

You remembered last year, last Halloween at Tina’s party. When you had watched Billy doing a keg stand from the sidelines, rolling your eyes at his bravado. You remembered how a trail of beer had run down his chest, gliding over his toned muscles. How he had caught you looking at him and winked, “You like what you see, Princess?”

You sighed and stood up from the sofa and you made your way to the bowl of punch.

The music was loud and you sung along to it as you filled your cup once more.

Closing your eyes you lifted the cup to your lips, your brows scrunching together as you tasted the concoction.

You didn't want to remember him. Not tonight.

Tonight you wanted to forget.

NOVEMBER

A cold wind sent a shiver down your spine and you pulled your coat tighter around your body.

Your friends laughed beside you and you forced a smile on your face, though you had missed the punchline of the joke.

Molly was sharing with the group how her date with Tommy had gone and you listened half heartedly.

She had been crushing on him for months and you were happy for her, but you didn’t want to hear about anyone else’s love life. Not when yours had ended so tragically.

Another cool gust of wind sent your hands delving deep into your pockets and you frowned slightly.

In the left pocket of your coat you felt a piece of paper and you pulled it out slowly before unfolding it.

As soon as you laid eyes on the  familiar handwriting scrawled across the page your breath caught in your throat.

Tears stung your eyes almost immediately, threatening to spill over but you held them back and read the words.

‘I cant wait to see what you buy, baby. I’ll come over tonight so you can show me. Leave your window open xx’

A smile crossed your lips and you traced over the writing with your finger.

He had slipped the note into your locker on a Friday, and he'd kept true to his words, slipping into your window in the dark of the night with a hungry look in his blue eyes.

The day before you had spent at Billy’s house, listening to music in his room.  You had stood in front of his dresser, studying the bottles of cologne and the photos from his youth. You had told him about your plans to take Max shopping to find a dress for the Snow Ball and he had rolled his eyes, “She’s got a whole wardrobe full of clothes.”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes and you’d shook your head. “She needs a dress, Billy. She needs something.. special.”

Billy groaned and sat up. “You’re really gonna hang out with my sister when you could be hanging out with me?”

“Don’t be so jealous.” You snickered. “Besides, maybe I’ll pick something up for myself. Maybe..” Your voice fell off and you stepped in front of him, your hands laying on his shoulders. “Maybe something I can wear just for you.”

His eyes lit up and his tongue ran across his lip as he pulled you into his lap.

“Don’t tease me, princess.” He’d whispered before crashing his lips against yours.

Together you’d fallen back against the sheets and it wasn’t long before you were lost in hushed moans and heavy breathing, your bodies tangled together.

“(Y/N)? You okay?” Molly’s voice interrupted your daydream and you snapped back to reality.

“Yeah,” you cleared your throat and shoved the note back into your pocket. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

And you weren’t lying, not entirely.

As you held back tears the memories washed over you and you smiled.

You were okay.

DECEMBER

Christmas Eve. Even from your bedroom you could hear the carollers singing at the front door. You sighed and rolled over, turning the radio on your bedside table up louder.

You used to love Christmas. Loved waking up to fresh snow and wearing your pyjamas all morning. Drinking hot cocoa in front of the fireplace while your mother cooked up a feast in the kitchen.

But you didn’t feel the usual festive spirit this year.

He should be here.

You couldn’t help but think of last years Christmas.

How Billy had come over after dinner,

How he’d kissed you under the mistletoe, his hand tangled in your hair.

His smile, and the way his eyes had sparkled with love, or maybe it was just the reflection of the Christmas lights.

And you’d fallen asleep in his arms, your legs intertwined  and your head resting on his chest, his heartbeat your own personal lullaby.

At that memory you sat up, the full realisation that you’d never hear that sound again hit you like a truck and you clutched at your chest. Begging and pleading for God, or anyone that would listen to stop this ache that consumed you. To bring him back.

You took a deep breath and slid off the bed.

A walk would do you good. So you slipped on your boots, pulled on your coat and left the house, without a destination in mind.

Your legs seemed to make up their own mind as they carried you along the road.

Maybe deep down you knew where you were going. You’d wanted to go there for a while now but you had been scared. Scared that it would only remind you of how much you had lost.

The night was quiet and it wasn’t long before you reached your destinations

4819 Cherry Lane looked almost the same as you’d always seen it. But you couldn’t help but notice the absence of Billy’s camaro parked in the driveway. Now his usual parking spot sat empty, only a few oil stains on the concrete remained.

You took a deep breath and as quietly as you could, you walked around the side of the house, stopping in front of the third window.

You closed your eyes and for a moment the weather changed.

For a moment it was a warm summers night and the window in front of you was glowing with light. You could hear Mötley Crüe coming from his radio and the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with his cigarettes drifted out the window. His shadow cast over you as he moved across the room, cigarette pressed between his lips as he smiled at his reflection in the mirror.

And just like that he was gone.

It wasn’t summer. It was the middle of winter and you stared up at the dark window.

Sadness washed over you but you pushed on, carefully shifting a few blocks of wood to stood on top of them.

Laying your fingers on the window you took another deep breath.

It was silly to think you could actually get inside without the strength of his arms hauling you up.

But that didn’t stop you from reaching up and pushing the window open.

As quietly as you could you clambered through the window, your feet hitting the floorboards with a dull thud.

You waited patiently, listening to see if your sudden presence had been noticed.

But only silence met you and you stared sound the room as your eyes adjusted to the dark.

You tiptoed over to his lamp that sat next to his bed and you flicked the switch.

Everything was the same.

The bed was made, sheets pulled up with close to zero effort and your fingers brushed over the wrinkles in the fabric.

Cigarette butts sat in the ashtray and a small smile crossed your lips.

You walked around the room, wiping the layer of dust from the surfaces you touched and you stopped in front of the dresser.

His favourite cologne sat closest to you and you lifted it carefully. Your finger pressed down on the pump and the scent sprayed into the air.

Memories flooded you as you breathed it in, all the nights you’d spent with your head buried in his neck.

You sprayed it once more onto your neck and placed the bottle down carefully.

You stepped in front of his wardrobe and bit your lip, remember the doors had always creaked.

But you opened them anyway and ran your fingers over the fabric of his shirts.

The red shirt, that was torn from his fight with Steve yet he’d refused to throw it out.

The black shirt, that he’d worn when he first met your parents.

And the blue shirt, that he had worn last December when he told you he loved you for the first time.

Finally your fingers fell on the leather jacket and let out a breath. With careful movements you removed it from its hanger and pulled it over your shoulders.

You pulled the leather to your face and breathed in the scent, the faint hint of his cigarettes still lingering.

A tear rolled down your cheek but you didn’t notice as you closed the wardrobe doors and walked to the bed.

You pulled the sheets back and slipped in beneath them.

Moonlight shone through the window and you reached over to turn the lamp off before falling back against his pillows.

God you missed him.

But in that moment, as you laid amongst the sheets in the bed you’d spent so many nights, basking in the scent of the boy you loved, you swore you could feel him.

You could feel his arms wrapped around you, the warmth of his breath ghosting over your skin.

And as you drifted off to sleep, with tears rolling down your cheeks, you felt safe.

For the first time in six months you didn’t feel so empty.

For the first time in six months, you were home.

Masterlist

#Billy Hargrove #billy x reader #billy hargrove stranger things #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things 3 #stranger things #dacre montgomery #dacre montgomery imagine #soaimagines writes

[spoookymuulders]

we have to adapt to survive.

read it on ao3 here word count: 2,929 warnings: mentions of panic attacks, nightmares

She killed it with kisses and from it she fled. - Musician Florence Welch

August 8, 2010

Parker jerks upright in bed, her heart pounding. Sucking in a few breaths, she looks around and hurries to focus on one of the exercises her therapist has been walking her through. 

Five things she can see; the LED numbers on her alarm clock. The streetlights from outside. Her panicked reflection in the mirror. Her outfit for tomorrow on the dresser. Her door.

Four things she can touch; her pajamas. Her blanket. Her hair. Her pillow.

Three things she can hear; a car alarm outside. Her white noise machine. The rustling of her sheets.

Two things she can smell; her lavender pillow spray. Her strawberry shampoo.

One thing she can taste; morning breath.

She grimaces at the last one, but she can feel her heartbeat returning to normal. Exhaling unsteadily, she lays back down and rubs her face hard. It feels like the nightmares are never-ending. They come almost every night, and every morning she’s more tired than when she went to bed. A glance at her alarm clock tells her that it’s 2:45 in the morning, and she groans quietly, rubbing at her eyes. She needs to get back to sleep - Penelope is supposed to pick her up at 9:30 for a girls day out - but she doubts that that’s going to happen.

Sighing softly, she yawns and rolls onto her side, staring out the window as rain begins to fall. The soft sound is soothing and before she knows it, she’s slipping back into a restless sleep.

Several hours later, Parker’s alarm rings bright and early, and she rolls over and smacks at it with a grunt. As she lays on her stomach, she can hear Spencer puttering around in the kitchen, and she rubs her eyes and stifles a yawn in her pillow. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, she pushes herself up and shuffles out of her room, smiling lazily when she spies Spencer humming at the counter and dumping sugar into his coffee. She pads up behind him and rests her cheek to his back, smiling again when he hums softly.

“Mornin’.” She mumbles sleepily, tucking herself against his chest when he turns around. Spencer smiles softly and presses a kiss to the top of her head. 

“Morning.” He says softly, settling his arms around her. He brushes his fingers through the ends of her hair and hums softly, resting his cheek to her head. “Excited to spend the day with Garcia?” Parker hums in response.

“Yes. But I’m also glad I slept so hard last night. And that you’re making coffee.” She says. Spencer chuckles and releases her long enough to pour another cup.

“Garcia will probably take you to Starbucks while you’re out as well.” He tells her. She hums again and takes the mug from him, pouring in cream and sugar and stirring it for a moment before taking a sip. She’s going to need all the caffeine she can get if she’s going to keep up with Penelope today.

She and Penelope had clicked almost the minute they met - Spencer had told her they would, and he’d been right. Parker had accompanied Spencer to the BAU office one afternoon and had they needed to, they would have been able to see Penelope coming from a mile away in her bright pink dress and her bright red hair. She had taken Parker under her wing immediately and they’d become thick as thieves. Penelope had even helped Parker get started working on her GED.

Spencer had tried to encourage Parker to take some time to adjust to a normal life again, but she had insisted on starting on her GED as soon as she could. This will help me feel normal, she had insisted, and Spencer hadn’t argued - after all, if it made her happy, who was he to fight it? He glances down at the blonde in his arms and sighs softly, a tender smile touching his lips as she leans against him and sips at her coffee. Parker tips her head up and smiles sleepily at him, her eyes half-closed, and he chuckles softly, tapping her nose lightly. 

“You should go get dressed.” He tells her. She hums in response and he turns her around, pushing her towards her room gently and watching as she shuffles in and shuts the door behind herself.

In her room, Parker stands just beyond the closed door and curls her toes against the hardwood floors. The heady scent of her coffee fills her nose and she rocks on her feet for a moment as she looks around the room. It’s still hard to believe she’s actually home.

Her mother had tried so hard to convince Parker to come back to Vienna with her, or to get her to stay in Vegas with Jeremy and Sophia and the kids, but Parker had rebuffed all these suggestions, telling her mother she felt safest with Spencer. And Spencer had had no problem with finding a two-bedroom apartment - luckily enough, in the same building as the one-bedroom he’d been occupying before Parker’s return. Moving had been easy, especially with the help of the rest of the BAU team. It helped that Parker didn’t actually have anything to move, but she’s been building up a collection slowly. 

She has a decent wardrobe now, she thinks, and a nice matching bed and dresser and nightstand set. She’s been collecting books she’d had before and finding new ones; JJ insists she read a series called Twilight and Parker thinks it’s absolute garbage, but she can’t bring herself to stop reading it, either. 

A glance at the alarm clock on her nightstand tells her she needs to get her ass in gear, and she sets her coffee on the dresser, digging to find a pair of jeans and a top. She’s dressed in no time, and she slips into the bathroom, squinting at herself in the mirror. Her hair is so long now - and quite unruly, if she’s being completely honest. She stares at herself for a long moment, seriously considering (not for the first time) going to find a pair of scissors and hacking off most of her hair. Huffing quietly, she shakes her head before twisting her hair into a bun quickly and securing it with an elastic. By the time she’s done brushing her teeth and doing her makeup, Spencer is knocking at the door to let her know that Penelope has arrived.

She slips out with a smile, grabbing her purse and tipping her head as Spencer leans down to kiss her cheek gently. As she loops her arm through Penelope’s, Spencer calls out, “Have fun! Be safe!”

Parker promises to do both and that she’ll call if they need him, then blows him a kiss and disappears down the stairs with Penelope.

****

It feels like they’ve been shopping for the whole damn day - Parker feels like it should be 10:30 at night, but a glance at her watch tells her it’s only been three hours. Penelope has dragged her all over creation, just to spend time together and do some shopping, and Parker has no real complaints, other than she’s tired as hell.

She and Penelope have just finished lunch when they wander past a hair salon, and Parker stops in front of the window. Penelope keeps walking for a moment, chattering brightly before she realizes that Parker isn’t beside her anymore, and she comes back to Parker’s side, tipping her head. Parker doesn’t notice - she’s too busy staring at the girl inside getting her hair cut. A solid ten inches are dropping from her head onto the floor of the salon, and she’s beaming at the hairdresser in the mirror, laughing at some joke that’s just been shared between them, and Parker feels her eyes brim with tears.

“Hey, are you okay?” Penelope asks gently, touching Parker’s arm. Parker jumps a little, coming back to herself, and turns to Penelope, wiping her eyes quickly. “What’s goin’ on, Peep?”

“I wanna get my hair cut.” She says. Penelope blinks at her, then nods.

“Okay. Are you thinking like - a trim, get a couple inches off, or..?”

“I want it gone. I wanna chop it.” 

Penelope blinks twice, then beams at Parker. 

“Well what are we waiting for?!” She crows, and grabs Parker’s arm, dragging her inside. The young woman who greets them smiles warmly, nodding when Penelope asks if they have any availability for a walk-in appointment. She guides them back to a chair where a young man with a bright southern accent greets them with a grin and introduces himself as Jamie.

“What’re we doin’ today, sugar?” He asks as Parker settles in the chair and he drapes a cape around her front. 

“Chopping it. All of it.” She tells him. He raises his brows as he takes the elastic off and her hair tumbles out of its bun. Humming quietly, he pokes and prods around her scalp for a few moments before nodding.

“Let’s chop, then, baby.” He says. Parker nods, following him to the sinks in the back of the salon. He washes her hair and conditions it, holding it securely in a towel as they walk back to the chair. Penelope is perched in the chair beside it, chin propped in her hand as she watches Jamie work his magic. To his credit, he hadn’t asked any skeptical questions when Parker said she wanted to chop her hair off, and she appreciates that. 

After an hour of Jamie trimming and teasing and Parker saying shorter shorter shorter, he fluffs her still-damp hair and raises a brow in the mirror. 

“What do we think?” He asks. Penelope looks up and gasps softly, her eyes widening. Parker swallows thickly and nods, and Jamie grins before he massages some curl-boosting something-or-other into her scalp and grabs the blow dryer. When it’s dry, Parker’s hair is bright and vibrant and soft and so light. She can’t take her eyes off of it, watching the way the curls bounce and the light catches on the gold, and she feels her eyes burn. Jamie styles it a little, then removes the cape and helps Parker stand, laughing when she throws her arms around him in a tight hug.

“Thank you.” She whispers, sniffling as she steps back. Jamie grins, fluffing the ends of Parker’s hair gently.

“You come back to me anytime you want a haircut darlin’, you hear me?” He says. Parker nods and Jamie sees her and Penelope out, hovering by the desk as Parker pays. He waves after the two of them, watching as they slip back into the sun.

Parker can’t stop running her fingers through her hair. It’s gonna take some getting used to, for sure. Penelope grins, reaching over to tug at a curl lightly.

“Y’know what I think?” She muses. Parker hums in response, glancing at her. “I think we need to find you a new wardrobe. Something that feels like you and matches this new hair.”

Parker’s eyes light up.

****

Logically, Spencer knows that Parker is fine. She’s with Garcia, why wouldn’t she be? But there’s still that little part in the back of his mind telling him that she’s gone again, and that this time he’s not going to get her back. Since her return, she hasn’t been out of his sight for a whole day unless he’s been out of town on a case. And if he’s out of town on a case, she’s been with Garcia in her lair, working on her GED, or staying at Garcia’s apartment. But even then, he usually Skypes her before they both go to bed, or at the very least talks to her on the phone. Today, he hasn’t seen her since Garcia picked her up at 9:30, and now the two of them are running late to dinner and he can feel himself starting to panic a little.

Perched next to Morgan at their restaurant-patio table, he fiddles with his glass of wine absently, checking his phone now and then. JJ leans over and nudges his shoulder gently.

“They’ll be here in no time.” She assures him gently. He glances at her and offers a half-smile, nodding, but he doesn’t relax until he hears Garcia announcing loudly that they’ve arrived. His shoulders slump a little as Garcia approaches their table, beaming at them all.

“Ladies and gentlemen. I would like to introduce.. Parker O’Hare 2.0!” She announces grandly, and Spencer raises his brows a little. But when Parker steps out from behind Garcia, he understands, and his heart jumps into his throat. The others around him are whistling and gasping, but he pays them no mind, looking only at Parker.

She looks much more comfortable - and much more like herself, honestly - in loose jeans and a pair of Doc Martens. There’s a t-shirt tucked into her jeans (covered by one of his cardigans, he notes), but that’s not what catches his eye the most. What catches his eye the most is her hair - or lack of it, as the case may be. When she’d woken up this morning, her hair had been down to her waist in a braid, and she had tied it up in a bun before she’d left with Garcia. Now, it hangs much shorter, just barely brushing the tops of her shoulders. The curls are a little more pronounced, and her hair almost seems a little brighter and shinier than it did this morning. She thanks the others as they compliment her, but her eyes focus on Spencer again after a moment as he comes forward. 

“What do you think?” She asks softly, peering up at him almost nervously. Reaching out, he brushes his fingers through the ends of her hair gently and loops one of her curls around his index finger, tugging lightly. She bites her lip around a small smile, and he returns the smile, brushing his thumb against her jaw gently.

“I think it looks great.” He tells her, and she grins broadly at him, wrapping her arms around his middle tightly. He settles his arms around her shoulders and kisses her hair, squeezing lightly before leading her to the table. She perches beside him and twists the end of her sleeve absently, thanking their waiter as he sets a glass of water in front of her.

Spencer tries to focus on the conversations around him, he really does. But he finds himself distracted every time Parker moves next to him or laughs at someone else’s joke. This is a continued pattern throughout the evening, but he’s not exactly complaining. They sit close together as everyone eats, Spencer with his arm around the back of Parker’s chair, his fingers brushing along her shoulder every now and then. When they all part ways, Parker follows Spencer to his car and they ask about each other’s days on the drive home. He tells her about the case they’ve just closed this week - one close to home this time, thankfully. She tells him about Garcia dragging her all over creation for shopping until they found a look she felt right in.

A comfortable silence falls over them as they ride the elevator up to the apartment, and Parker yawns quietly as Spencer lets them in. She pads into her room to change while Spencer puts their leftovers away, and when he slips into his bedroom to change, he spies her through the crack in the bathroom door, staring at herself in the mirror and brushing her hands through her hair slowly. He changes into his pajamas and pads over, knocking at the door lightly and poking his head in when she hums approval.

They brush their teeth beside each other quietly, making eye contact in the mirror every now and then, and Parker follows him out, then pads into her room, where she collapses on the bed spread-eagle as Spencer hovers in the doorway. Laughing softly, he pads in and drops next to her, grinning when she grunts dramatically and rolls into him. Settling an arm around her, he brushes his fingers through her short hair, humming.

“Why’d you cut it?” He asks softly, glancing down at her. She shrugs a little, shifting to rest her cheek against his chest and staring out the window as it begins to rain. He waits patiently, knowing he’ll get his answer eventually.

“I just.. Didn’t wanna be that girl anymore.” She murmurs, draping an arm around him. “It was like.. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was still that girl, stuck in that awful house, and I couldn’t - I couldn’t stand it.” He can hear tears in her voice now, and he holds her a little closer, his heart breaking a little. “Penelope and I were walking past a salon and I looked in and saw this girl getting her hair cut and I just.. I had to do it.”

Spencer hums, nodding slowly. Looking down at Parker, he brushes her cheek, smiling gently when she looks up at him. “I think it looks great.” He murmurs sincerely, smiling a little when she does. She settles closer and he kisses her hair gently, shifting to pull the blanket up over them. Her breaths even out, and for the first time in a long time, there are no nightmares.

I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then. - Author Lewis Carroll

#mine* #series: vienna #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x oc

[fuwafuwamedb]

New Horizons Pt 6 (Gilgamesh, Hakuno, Siduri)

Previously, in New Horizons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

___

“Hello, Hakuno!” Siduri smiled at her as she opened the door an hour later.

She’d gone and dressed up in something nice for the trip. It was something that she often did when she went to visit other islands and friends. She would find a cute or a sweet dress to wear and would change into a hat, bearing gifts and foods for whomever she was going to see.

Normally, she would bring oranges, since they were worth more off her island, but today she had a basket under her arm with a bunch of dessert muffins. This place had much more variety for food choices.

“What’s this?” Siduri glanced at the basket in her hands.

“A bribe.”

The woman laughed, nodding. “Ah, well, so long as it isn’t anything dangerous, I guess it’s fine.”

“I have the most dangerous things,” she told the woman, stepping into the elevator with her. “As you can see, I have chocolate chip muffins, pumpkin muffins, and there are muffins that have blueberries.”

“My goodness, the man will eat,” Siduri exclaimed teasingly.

“He will!”

Hakuno fixed her grip on the basket, putting the flap down as they arrived on the main floor. Siduri had her own car, something she hadn’t seen in a good while, probably not since she’d lived in the city, but that had been so long ago that she remembered nothing much.

“Look at the buildings,” she told her friend though.

“Fuyuki is a large city,” Siduri told her, rattling off something to the driver. “Gilgamesh has been in his offices in the other building for a few days. I don’t think he has been eating properly so your bribe should come at a good time. I just ask that you don’t hurt him.”

“I would never!”

The woman smiled a bit. “He can be an asshole.”

“An asshole?”

“An… unpleasant person.”

“Oh. I’ve lived around a few assholes.” Raymond could be a bit of an asshole whenever there were wasps after her.

Like – Jump into my arms and I’ll carry you away… is what I would say if you weren’t being chased by wasps.

And then what would happen?

Wasp stings.

And then there were the scorpions…

Hakuno checked the clock in the car.

5 in the afternoon.

They could safely get in the building, get Gilgamesh, and then go home after he gets his gifts. The tarantulas and the scorpions wouldn’t come out until 7 in the evening. They had no net, but with this many buildings, they could possibly jump from one to another safely.

Then again…

The car was weaving around and around other cars, turning this way and that. It felt like one second her building was there and the next it was gone. Waiting next to Siduri did little as well. No one seemed to be commenting like the dodos did about where they were going.

She could feel her foot beginning to tap as a light rain began falling outside.

“Siduri-“

“Patience is a virtue, Hakuno.”

It may be a virtue, but it sure was an asshole.

Siduri laughed at her telling her that.

“The building we want is right there,” Siduri told her, pointing ahead.

It took far too long to get to that large building, The bold letters in gold at the front that said Uruk made her heart hammer in her chest. The glass doors showed a building much like the one she’d been in before.

The only difference were the gold roses in the courtyard in the center of the building instead of red.

“This way,” Siduri told her.

They stepped into the elevator, standing side by side and watching their reflections.

“I hope he isn’t too difficult,” Hakuno confessed.

“I’m sure he’ll enjoy the muffins.”

“He should. He could have a nice drink of…” Hakuno paused. “…I forgot drinks.”

What was she going to do? The food was probably okay to eat one of, but anything more would need a nice drink. A coffee or a tea or-

“Would you like me to help? I know what he normally gets from the café down the road.”

“You’re amazing!” Hakuno set the basket down, hugging the woman tightly. “Please, please get something. I don’t need anything to drink since coffee is too bitter, but for Gilgamesh… Please!”

“Okay! Okay!” Siduri laughed.

The doors opened to the hallway.

“Gilgamesh’s office is straight ahead. Shut the door behind you to give you both privacy. That’ll stop anyone who would come in to bother the man. If you don’t, you’ll probably not even be able to have more than five minutes of his time.”

“I’ll close it,” she promised, picking up her basket and hurrying forward.

She shut the door the moment she was in the room.

The rain was coming down hard now, creating a strange collage of blue colors on the glass windows that made up one side of the room. The desk and papers were abandoned. The table near her was covered in spreadsheets and empty cups.

Gilgamesh himself…

Hakuno set the basket on the table and moved to stand over him.

The man had draped himself over the couch, somehow still having space in the large piece of furniture. His head rested on one of the pillows. His hair was greasy, showing signs of having spent too much time in this room.

He truly hadn’t left…

If you don’t, you’ll probably not even be able to have more than five minutes of his time.

Had he been trapped here?

Hakuno glanced at the door, thankful now more than ever that she had shut the people out.

“Everyone needs rest,” Hakuno murmured, stroking the man’s hair a bit. “You should have come home to rest like Enkidu does…”

The bags under his eyes were so big…

Was he sick?

A flash of light came from the windows, scaring a squeak from her lips. The moment the sound came, the clash of thunder letting her know it was nothing more than the storm, was the moment that she felt a pair of arms grab her.

She was swallowed right up, right between the golden haired man and his plush couch. His face, with its prickly cheek and chin hair, pressed against her face a bit.

She opened her mouth to argue, to wake him up, but…

He’s so tired…

Siduri had said no one would come…

Maybe…

Her arms wrapped around Gilgamesh, holding him as best she could. The arm she couldn’t slip under him, she pressed to his chest, keeping a good hold to keep him safely at her side.

Sleep well, Hakuno thought to the man.

She hoped he got all the rest he needed in order to realize he needed to leave this office.

#drabble #drabbles

[tenfaceandthree]

📚 for Noble

{Send 📚 and I’ll write a drabble of an event from my muse’s past}

I feel as if we’re talking about Noble, it’s best to go to the very beginning of his nasty mans existence...  

Before he had opened his eyes and become aware of anything in his sight, he could feel a soft plushness beneath his back, almost as if he was laying within pillow stuffing. There wasn’t any particular smell in the air, nor could he hear anything. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had the satisfaction of pure silence inside his head or out. 

Finally opening his eyes, he was looking up at a greyish-blue sky, with soft clouds that promised light rain yet the temperature around him felt warm and comforting. In his lower peripheral vision, he could see a strong, blow glow and when he actually turned to look at the glow, it was revealed to be millions of glowing blue flowers surrounding him. 

He knew he had been everywhere in his inner world, but he certainly hadn’t been here before and the silence of this huge field sent a pang of anxiety through his heart. Where was he? 

“Lola?!” He called into the flowers, finally sitting himself up. “Stellar?! BunBun?!”

He got no response, instead all he got was the soft brustling of a warm breeze pushing the flowers into each other, and the clear sound of his ornaments gently bumping into each other. 

Now his body was beginning to fill with shaking panic. Where was he? What happened to him? Where was everyone else? He was so used to being able to step inside and be met with at least presence, the sudden emptiness made him rethink every single time he had ever wished for it to stop. Every time he had been embarrassed by a little wanting to hug on him, every time he was embarrassed by knowing that Forrest’s cow was nearby, every time Zach had just wished Lola would stop existing, he would take it all back just to see even Chara’s face again. 

He slowly got to feet, wrapping his arms around himself and noticing that they felt weirdly... cold and there. For the first time, he looked down at himself and saw that he had feet suddenly. He hadn’t had feet before. He used to have hooves, hooves that stomped through the inner world and made everyone aware of his presence even when he wasn’t aware of theirs, but now he was looking down at real human feet. 

In shock, he plopped back down onto the bed of crushed flowers and moss that he had woken up in, and took one of those feet into his hands. His hands still looked the same, his fingers tapering off into dark, pointed tips that begged to rip into someone, but that human foot was most definitely his. When he pressed it, or touched it, he could feel the little pricks of pins and needles from having been in the same spot for who knew how long. But why the sudden change? 

Really looking down at himself now, despite the heightened heart beat and sinking feeling in his stomach, he noticed he was very much naked. Somehow, in the span of.. well... thinking back he didn’t remember but he remembered wearing clothes even if what he was wearing before was quite a fuzzy memory. 

He shook his head, trying to get his thoughts together and figure out what was going on with him. Why was it so hard to remember anything from the events prior to this nap, to who he was as a person? He knew these feelings came with dissociation and switching but he was doing neither. 

He grabbed at his hair in frustration and pulled it a little harder than he should’ve- a bad coping mechanism he really had to break- and when he pulled his hands back to his lap he noticed a strand of almost pink hair wrapped around one of his fingers. He had black hair- or was it brown?- not pink, or any light color similar to it. 

He reached up, really hoping that he was wrong or it was an illusion of the light, and he grabbed a chunk of his hair to bring into his line of vision. Though, his hair was no longer dark colored, nor short like he remembered it being, instead he now had long maroon colored that teetered dangerously on the side of auburn due to the pink tinge to it. 

“What the fuck?!” He cried aloud, before he slapped a hand over his mouth. Now that he was more attentive to the differences of himself, he noticed that his heavy Southern twang, the thing that really set him apart from most of his alters, was now dimmed down to one that was barely noticeable unless someone was actively looking for it. 

What did he do?! What stupid had he made?! Last checked all he could remember was wanting to be gone. He felt as if he didn’t have a purpose anymore- or maybe he felt as if he wasn’t deserving of love but his alters were?- and he had wanted to be gone more than anything but he didn’t actually... 

Standing up again, he drew his arms close and wrapped around his chest and set off in the direction of some sort of reflective surface, hopefully not a fronting pool either. Though, best case scenario would be finding someone else who could point him on how to get out from this deathly quiet, blue place.

As he walked there wasn’t much to take in. It was the same scene of delicate glowing blue flowers, sprouting from the soft mossy lawn beneath his feet. It was rather repetitive, so much so that he found himself thinking about the last few memories he had. It seemed almost as if his memories were filmed from two different perspectives: one that he recognized as (mostly) his own, and one that he recognized as Zach’s which was strange to him. It wasn’t as if they were co-conscious or anything, that didn’t happen in the inner world.    

He squinted into the daylight as if that would help him see the fuzzy memories better. As Noble he could remember that suffocating depression that literally held him down and took him from his job as host. He could remember that distinct yearning to disappear and never be heard from again, and to never exist again. Yet, as Zach he could remember a distinct lack of energy, of knowing he didn’t have any reason to be around anymore and a deep seated hatred for the world outside their inner one, the “real” one where terrible things happened to little children who had no means to defend themselves. 

Most shockingly of all, he remembered a coming together where the two memories seemed to end, merge their dead ends, and split off into him. His consciousness. Memories of Zach offering to comfort Noble- Old Noble?- because he felt the same, of the old him taking that comfort, of the two of them holding onto each other with shared pain and a blinding, relieving light where the two began no more and yet one more. He was the one more. 

The realization shock him to the core, enough so that he didn’t notice that he walked into a pool of water until he slipped on a slimy rock at the bottom and came crashing down. At first, he braced himself ready for the nauseating and dissociating feeling of stealing the body from someone else, but instead he was just met with water. Apparently, this wasn’t a fronting pool. 

He pulled himself up to his hands and knees, finally facing himself for who he was. He wasn’t Noble- at least not the Noble he was- and he wasn’t Zach, he was someone new. Instead of brown eyes, or black eyes, his were completely white and had the almond shape that the body did. His facial scars were gone, yet he still had pale skin and his horns that were so dear to his old self. Yet, he wasn’t his old self, he wasn’t either of those people nor would he ever be again. 

He had just started his life as... well, as whoever and whatever he was and yet he already found years falling from his now flushed cheeks and dripping into the water of the pond distorting his image, and despite the morbid humor of it, he couldn’t think of a better metaphor.      

#ndp #{for those wondering: noble is a fused alter #from old noble and zach #so i decided to write about his first few moments of existence as new noble! #i really hope its interesting bc I've been thinking about this for a while haha}