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familyagrestefanblog · 3 years

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Analysis of the Family Agreste Portrait

Quarantine strikes again and since the Agreste family portrait has fascinated me for a loooong while now I decided to put my thoughts into words and write another essay x3

The amount of informations we get out if it is amazing and its not only highlighting the absolute TRAGEDY it is that this family is about to face such a horrible fall out, it also hints at the former family dynamic before everything went to hell.

So make yourself comfortable and get something to drink, because we will be here for a while.

Here we go: My analysis of this beauty of a fictional portrait

Let's start with the most obvious one: Hawkmoth.

Its commen knowledge by now that the background makes it seem like Hawkmoth is standing behind the Agreste family like a bad omen waiting for fate to take its course and cause their doom. The portrait is brilliantly designed so the illusion is created that Gabriels body (here in a blue suit closer to Hawkmoths normals dark purple one) overlaps with Hawkmoths and a darker line is connecting the two faces as well, which rest on the same height right beside each other. The very same line grows bigger as it goes further behind Emilie - coloring her entire background - showing us that EMILIE is all Gabriel sees when he becomes Hawkmoth. But notice that Adrien on the other hand can hardly be concidered part of Gabriels “sight” at all.

Its forshadowing 101 and damn beautiful if I may say so. But this isnt what I want to focus on in this post.

I want to elaborate on two other key factors that tell us about the former dynamic of the Agrestes instead and what they tell us about the present and future.

The heart:

This is hitting me on another level because look at the heart these three form with Adrien right in the middle! He was so LOVED. This family may have never been anywhere close to ideal but still, there was LOVE and now he's gonna loose it all.

Adrien already lost his mother which led to his father getting even more distant and cold and now his father is becoming increasingly more abusive as he falls deeper and deeper into villainy. Gabriel was never a good father, the show has already made this clear with episodes like "the bubbler", “the collector” or "Gigantitan" for example but gosh there was hope for their little family! The end scene in "Jackady" portrayed it perfectly and I wrote a whole other post just covering the sigificants of Adriens and Gabriels hug in that episode. Check it out here if you want, it goes hand in hand with this one.

Miraculous is all about love and the completely different ways it can affect us, our behavior and actions. Because love isnt just wonderful, pure and empowering, it also can be twisted, destructive and cause the darkst nightmares. And with this family the writers know how to portray the complex love in an abusive houshold thats destined to go up in flames and they also know how to hint at their troubled past with the family portrait.

But this heart visual tells us even more in connection with the positions of their hands. And with these two key factors, lets start with Gabriel:

His hands convey it so strongly. He loves/d Emilie and Adrien so much and no doubt this love for them was certainly the reason why he started his quest as Hawkmoth. But he is now losing himself more and more in the pleasure of his villainy to the point where he forgets why he's doing it in the first place and becomes a complete monster (of a father). But this turn and spiraling into villainy didn't came out of nowhere - this root already had to be in him to grow like that. And this is also something the portrait indeed hints at as well.

Because Gabriel is the only one of the three who:

1. We see so completely open and without hesitation reach out and hold BOTH his family members.

2. Is visually “cut off” from them as well.

But this doesn't mean he was excluded and the only one who truly cared and loved, it just shows that things were more... complicated...as usual.

This is best explained with Adriens hand placements:

One hand is holding his mothers but the other one is visibly not reaching out for his father. But as we all know, that's not because Adrien doesn't love him. In season 1-3 it is made more than clear that Adrien does not hate his father - he loves him alot and tries to be there for him and be patient because he knows that the loss of his mother brought his father terribly down.

Sure, Adrien gets frustrated and angry with him, literally how could he not?? But Adrien tries his best to reach out to Gabriel so they can bond and come out of this tragedy stronger.

But this loving willingness to forgive his father for the chance of growing a father-son bond with him doesn't change the fact that these two didn't had a bond prior to this. And let's be honest here, does anybody actually think this distance between them was caused by Adrien? I don't think so.

So notice how Adriens hand - not reaching out for his fathers - is the only one in the portrait NOT inside or forming the heart.

When the connection of the hands between the family members symbolise their connection to another, then Adrien keeping the hand for his father away from the display of love is VERY telling. It tells us very directly what this distance did to Adriens side of the relationship. Despite Gabriels hand being right there, Adrien does not meet the gesture. And I cannot believe that he did it out of resentment, nothing in the show indicated such strong negative emotions from past Adrien.

It's much more likely that Adrien not reaching for his fathers hand is meant to show us that Adrien felt that he either CAN'T return the gesture because he fears that it'll end in an unpleasant reaction from Gabriel - that it isn't Adriens "place" to reach out to his busy and distant father like that, like it's demanding something - or Adrien simply didn't took Gabriel laying his hand on his shoulder, in the context of posing for a portrait, as a gesture of love and affection.

The way I interpret the portrait is that prior to Emilies dissappearence Adrien did not exactly try to reach out to his father the same way he did from s1-s3, which, I mean, of course wasn't the case. Not only is it NOT the 13 years olds (or younger) job to form an emotional connection to their absent parent - when that’s the PARENTS job - it also wouldn't be necessarily "needed" for Adrien to do so.

Because Emilie at this point was still in the picture so and she was the complete opposite. She was a (or maybe the ONLY) safe, reliable and loving constant of parental attention, affection and care in his life and because of these two HARSH contrasts Adrien learned from very early on to focus mostly completely on her in that regard while kinda blocking his father out.

That most likely wasn't even an active choice whatsoever - Gabriel proofed to be an unreliable resource so Adrien learned to subconciously treat him that way out of self protection. That doesn't mean he had any kind of dislike or malice against his father it just means that he wasn't able or allowed to connect with Gabriel the way he needed. Several episodes show that Gabriel deadass only parented like 15 minutes tops in his life with one of the worst offenders kinda being “Gigantitan” ngl.

So yeah, when I see that the portrait wants to tell me that prior to Emilies loss, Adrien - a 12-13 year old at most - is THIS used to rely solely on the strong bond he has with his mother and not even really reaching out for his fathers love, then I can't help but interpret it in the way that... Well... Gabriel was so distant and emotionally unreliable to Adrien for all his life, that Gabriel simply... wasn't needed by his son. Not at that point of time at least.

And while this may seem weird, because obviously Adrien only now starts to stop craving for his fathers affection and approval (which is btw a horrible, HORRIBLE thing and not something good. A half orphan losing the last remaining hope he had left of having the chance to finally get to form a bond with the only other parent he has left, just to be crushed by disappointment and abandonment all over again until he let's go, is REALLY NOT as much of a good thing people will make it out to be. This is... plain awful) it's actually quite logical.

Adriens hand outside the heart doesn't mean that his father meant nothing to him and therefore refuses to meet and accept his affection (that's literally the complete opposite of what the show shows us), it means that Adriens and Gabriels father-son relationship suffers from a fatal emotional disconnection caused by miscommunication/ a lack of communication.

And this was caused by Gabriel. How? Let me elaborate on that by going a bit far afield (cuz lbh we all have time for this. I’m writing this in quarantine and youre reading this is quarantine, so lets gooooooooooooo).

In "The bubbler" Adrien says that his father "always forgot his birthday", but I cannot agree with this in true honesty. Gabriel is controlling his sons entire life, calls him "the epitome of perfection" and temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for him, he definitely never forgot Adriens birthday.

"The bubbler" even SHOWS us that Adriens perspective of the situation is actually not the truth:

This is Adriens first birthday after Emilies dissappearence and it's incredibly telling how Gabriel handles the planning.

What this entire little sequence tells me is that Gabriel is completely and UTTERLY used to NOT be the one to take care of anything related to Adriens birthday. So Emilie was always the one who did it but somehow - now without her - Gabriel apparently still hasn't even considered changing anything about that nasty non-involvement and just expected Natalie to pick everything up where Emilie left it.

Because let's be real here, knowing Natalie she would NOT have forgotten to get a present if Gabriel truly had told her to. Natalie is never presented to do mistakes like that but Gabriel on the other hand IS definitely presented to us claiming things about himself as ultimate, blameless and true when they simply do not reflect reality. A great example: Gorizilla

You didn’t even speared a minutes of your time for Adrien and he DID try to! Asshat… It's a problem guys. The lack of self awareness Gabriel displays in moments like this is legitimately concerning when you think about how deeply this man is falling right now.

But back to the topic:

Because even if Gabriel didn't even consider doing anything himself for Adriens birthday - not even taking the time to SEE his son (who just recently lost his mother, come on Gabe, really?) - one thing one cannot hold against him: he sure as hell remembered Adriens birthday like any decent parent would and it wasnt portrayed as a this-year-for-the-first-time thing.

And yet Adriens statement still makes complete sense. Because a big, BIG problem with Gabriel is just how much he takes things for granted. He EXPECTS things to be universally known and to never be doubted, just because that's how HE sees them. I will write 10 essays if it's needed to make people understand that Gabriel DOES truly love Adrien, it's just that Gabriel HIMSELF is such a rotten, twisted and toxic person that he cannot see how much his (oppressing) behavior and the way he (doesn't) express his love hurts Adrien and that HE is the one at fault. (for more, once again, read this)

Gabriel LOVES Adrien but he takes the love he feels as such a matter-of-fact that he just completely... forgets to show it.

And when we take Adriens words and look at the Family portrait it unfortunately seems that...

…. Gabriel ALWAYS forgot to show it.

Adriens hand - that should at least be reaching out to his father - is outside of the heart in accepting certainty. Because that's what Gabriels non-presence was for Adrien while growing up: an unreliable and unreachable certainty he had to accept early on as safer to not try to emotionally depend on too much or else he will get hurt.

So yeah, Adrien is the one in the portrait who is very openly not reaching out but only because Gabriel never gave him the needed affection and stability to be able to create that bond.

But let me correct what I said a little earlier: Adrien ALWAYS needed his father. Every kid, especially one in a bad situation like Adrien, does need their parents/friends etc as support system to become independent and confident in a healthy way. And if they don’t have that they WILL crave and look for it!

What Adrien has been doing up to now IS normal for a teenager - humans NEED affection, belonging and safety. What ISNT/SHOULDN’T be normal is Adriens disconnection towards his father in the portrait and just how much Gabriel fails to take care and BE THERE for his son in BOTH TIMES!

Collector:

Bother Christmas:

One thing I like about the show is that it portrays their young main cast with one very important truth: The psyche of a child/teenager of their age will react and adapt so it SURVIVES, even if it results in unfortunate consequences in other relationships and places. Thats the psyches main concern and it'll try to cope with the limited experience and development it has in whatever way necessary to get itself to the next day. A coping mechanism is not there to make you a better person, it ensures your SURVIVAL, everything else is a secondary concern.

So seeing pre-show Adrien not react to Gabriels touch and even feel completely unloved and disconnected from him is no surprise to me. Kids are incredibly observant. They may lack the needed experience and knowledge to truly understand that they deserve better and to stand up for themselves but they are masters in picking up red flags in people and can put this danger into perspective while comparing the different danger levels of their options of people and places to adjust their behavior.

Feast:

Stormy Weather 2:

So the broken connection between father and son we see in the portrait (that Gabriel doesn't even notice but Adrien fully internalized) isn’t there because Adrien “didnt needed” or wanted his father, its because Adrien NEEDED Gabriel so much in his isolated upbringing but Gabriel didn’t LET him need him - so Adrien had to adjust to that accordingly. Big, huge, ENORMOUS difference.

Honestly the most miraculous thing about Miraculous is that Adrien was able to bring up the strength to stay positive and friendly and to forgive Gabriel in hope for a better future. That boys situation is 7 kinds of depressing and traumatizing...

It's just flabbergasting to me how well this portrait shows how basically non-existent their relationship was at that point. And it's horrible to know that this estranged and unformed bond is all Adrien had left after Emilie dissappeared, just alot worse because after Emilie incident Adrien states that his father changed alot for the worse as well.

So to think that all Adrien had left wasn't even this former basically non-existent relationship with his aloof father - who would only barely show his true affection for his son because he's either not around enough to do so or he thinks it "unnecessary to proof his affection" for/to Adrien because he already thinks it so obvious and undoubtable.

Well he thought wrong. And GOSH, it breaks my heart!

So now comparing the "Gabriel" hand from Adrien with the one representing his connections with his mother conveys a pretty harsh contrast.

Because last but not least, let's take a look at Emilies hand placements:

But here is now an interesting difference to Adrien. Whereas we openly see that Adriens side of the Adrien-Gabriel relationship is completely disconnected from the heart/love - showcasing just how badly Adrien has always been neglected by his father - we don't see Emilies hand in her Emilie-Gabriel relationship AT ALL.

Once again just like with Adrien, this doesn't mean she didn't love her husband and that Gabriel was used and fooled by the woman he so utterly adored. It just means that from Emilies point of view things were a bit more complicated. What exactly this is, the portrait is keeping secret from us. We have no way of knowing if and how Emilie is returning her husbands gesture. All we can say is that if she does she is definitely not doing it in such an open and unconflicted way as she does with Adrien.

But since when has anything with this family been this easy?

One thing the portrait makes very clear, Adrien and Emilie had a strong and good bond. Definitely the healthiest because the Adrien-Emilie connection is the only one depicted without any kind of disruption from both sides. Both mother and son are reaching out for the other ones hand creating a whole half of the heart, showcasing their affection for another openly and without any of the implied doubts the other connections display. And honestly? Comparing all the hand placements, the one connecting Adrien and Emilie just comes across as strikingly pure and true (which makes it even worse that it was HER Adrien lost…)

As I said it's a HARSH contrast to the one Adrien shears with Gabriel. This contrast is highlighted even further by the way these three face on another.

Emilie and Adrien are positioned facing another and so are Emilie and Gabriel. Telling us that Emilie was "face-to-face" aka involved with both her husband and son. It is Adrien and Gabriel were this looks wildly different. These two have no way of seeing each other in the eyes the way they stand now/then, further displaying their deeply rooted disconnection. It's portrays perfectly how important Emilie was in this family dynamic, because even though Adrien and Gabriel bearly had a connection at all they at least had Emilie as a link between them, keeping the family together. But then they lost her and where this left both father and son off we know oh too well...

So to collect all the informations we get out if this portrait:

-Adriens and Emilies relationship was the strongest and purest. Both of their hands connect and reach out for another in the heart, showcasing that they had a loving and positive bond.

-Adriens and Gabriels relationship is heavily scarred by a deeply rooted disconnection leaving Adrien feeling unloved and unwanted by his father to the point where Adriens side of their dynamic is outside the heart altogether. Gabriel may love and adore his son just like he loves his wife and never thought he displayed his love for him in a lacking way, but fact is: this love never reached Adrien the way it should have and Adrien is the one in their dynamic who got severely hurt and damaged by it.

-Gabriel was the only one completely unconflicted and happily at peace with the former Family situation. He's reaching out to both his family members with open love and affection in blissful oblivion that neither his wife nor son could return them the same way (to different degrees for different reasons). Gabriel was the ONLY ONE in the Agreste family who didn't saw problems in their lives and thought them all happy, hence why he's so obsessed with changing the past and bringing THIS state of their family back. He was happy and he had everything he needed and loved right with him, of course he wants THIS back. He's not aware that Emilie and ESPECIALLY Adrien did not feel the same about their former situation and that bringing all of them back to this is not the perfect happy ending for their entire family as he thinks.

-Emilie may not have been as unconflicted with Gabriel as he was with her but she is NOT feeling the same disconnection her son feels and isn't depicted with negative feelings towards Gabriel. Her side in the Emilie-Gabriel relationship is neither shown outright positive as with her son or outright bad as Adrien with Gabriel. Her side of their bond is depicted through her unseen hand placement in the unknown area in between.

-Despite their not so unconflicted feelings towards Gabriel - and Gabriel himself being aloof - neither Emilie nor Adrien are actively trying to cut Gabriel out. They aren't flinching away from his touch or exclude him from the heart whatsoever. He's happily included, obviously feeling loved. They may not be 100% happy and Gabriel doesn't notice it, but they aren't denying him his happiness and make him unhappy. Again, he's the only one truly happy here. Something neither Emilie nor Adrien tried to take away from him.

-Emilie and Adrien are facing each other as do Emilie and Gabriel, implying the presence of communication and a bond. Adrien and Gabriel do not face each other, showing their disconnected bond. If they could see each others face Adrien would have been able to see that Gabriels hand is a gesture of genuine affection and Gabriel could see that Adriens expression does not exactly display pure happiness the way he thinks. This also goes for Emilie. Emilie just like her husband is placed BEHIND her son, so even if she is facing him she would not be able to really see just how much Adrien is not satisfied and truly happy with his life at that point (meaning how unhappy being looked up, friendless and at distance with his father actually makes him).

- This fascinating family makes me sad and I like it lol

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but I may as well.

I keep starting to reply to things and then stopping bc the words just aren't there, and I suppose I figured out the core of what bothers me so much (and is making me have such a rollercoaster of a fan experience) about the show.

(cut for length)

It's not well-written. My opinion is my opinion, so I'm saying this subjectively, take it or leave it, but ... I feel that it's not well-written. The overall story is fine, and the plot is fine, but I don't know if it's because of the limited number of episodes not being enough to house the story, or because of the relative inexperience of the writer/showrunner+director, or both, or something else, but -

In an earlier reaction post to episode 4, I mentioned really wanting to sink my teeth into all of the subtext I picked up on. That was what made me initially enjoy the episode so much - there were a lot of little moments that I initially felt revealed so much about the characters and about Loki, and I wanted to analyze them. But at some point, as I gathered more information, my perspective changed and now I no longer want to analyze the subtext bc ... subtext = good. Subtext w/out payoff = not as good.

I'll go into more detail in a moment, but I think the tl;dr of it is that I feel like the narrative requires the audience to work way too hard to put together all of the moving pieces here and, like, I kinda just don't want to do that work? Not so much of it, and not in vain. A lot of the enjoyment of Loki's characterization is coming from fans who are rationalizing why he's behaving as he is, but the narrative never actually confirms those rationalizations. It's asking us to figure it out and maybe our conclusions will be correct but maybe they won't, though. At some point, subtext isn't enough without explicit follow-through.

I thought my issue was with the lack of character development - that is, not having enough narrative space to really earn the big things that are happening now, like Loki/Sylvie or Mobius turning against the TVA. And that's still true, to an extent; I still feel like the pacing is all very off and it seems like most of these things kinda came out of nowhere (but are not unbelievable - just undeveloped).

But, yknow, it is what it is, it's a limited series, and I can excuse some things. Ultimately, my issue isn't a problem with what the narrative isn't doing, it's a problem with what the narrative already failed to do and probably cannot recover from at this point.

The narrative has left out significant details that should at least help us do some of the work here. If a person turned on Loki and started episode 1 and had no background knowledge of the character besides that he tried to take over New York - how would that person interpret Loki? Would that person say, oh, well, he's been through X, Y, and Z, and plus A happened, not to mention B, C, and D, so really, it makes sense that he seems off-the-rails, or that he'd want to get ridiculously drunk at the worst time ever.

Maybe we'd like to believe they would, but how would they be getting to that conclusion? The narrative hasn't led them in that direction so, no, they would not say well we have to consider this, this, and that. It would be impossible to really understand Loki as a character from just what we've gotten in the series. The general audience would probably interpret Loki as being out of his element and so it becomes, I wonder how this character is going to get the upper hand here. And, while that's not wrong, it's just so limited.

The narrative at face value does not address Loki's identity crisis from Thor 2011. It does not address his hurt and devastation at being lied to, nor does it address how complicated his self-image is (bc it sucked to begin with and that was before he found out he was part of a race of "monsters," as he'd been taught his entire life). It does not reference Loki being so broken at the end of Thor 2011 that he deliberately let himself fall into the void of space (aka tried to kill himself). It does not reference that he was tortured by Thanos or even that he went through a seriously dark time in between Thor and Avengers, and it absolutely does not reference or address any influence or control of the mind stone.

These are all things that we, the fan audience, know because we've already invested our time into this character's story. But tons of people, the general audience, wouldn't know these things. Or if they did, bc they saw Thor and Avengers, they wouldn't be thinking about them as deeply as we would, nor contextualizing them with how Loki is behaving now, or why it would make sense that he needed to get drunk, or why it's understandable that he needs to keep going-going-going in order to not have a spare second to think or feel.

They'd probably look at Loki, again, as a character who was a villain and is now getting his comeuppance in a place where he has no power or control, and no literal powers, and even when he manages to escape and catch up to the variant, he proceeds to fuck up their plan for seemingly no real reason except that he wanted to get drunk bc he's hedonistic. Which Sylvie even berates him for! I mean. This is not exactly a complex character breakdown, nor a very flattering one, but that's what the narrative has given us.

(If the narrative has addressed Loki's mind control, his torture, his mental breakdown, his suicide attempt, and his general shitty self-esteem as a result of his upbringing, please point it out to me. If the narrative has explicitly acknowledged and referenced these things anywhere and I am missing it, please show me where. Please explain to me how the casual viewer would know any of these things that they need to know in order to actually understand what's happening in this story.)

So I mean, okay, we have a narrative that doesn't paint a full, accurate picture of Loki. Fine, sure. But because the general audience starts out on the wrong footing, they're not going to get out of the overall story what the writers probably intended them to. For example, in episode 3, a lot of us theorized that Loki had some kind of plan - that he broke the timepad on purpose, for some reason, bc otherwise it wasn't believable that he'd be such a failure. But episode 4 revealed that no, there was no bigger plan, Loki just plain old messed up. Which is fine if, again, one is only considering the surface-level portrayal here, but it's not true to Loki's actual characterization.

I mean. Loki is not perfect and Loki actually fails a lot, this is true. He fails for a lot of reasons, but incompetence has never been one of them. Usually it's that either things grew beyond his control, or there ended up being too many moving parts, or he had to change his plan at the last minute due to some roadblock or another being thrown his way, or even that he got in his own way - whatever the case may be for his plans' failures, he was always at least shown to know what he was doing.

That wasn't the case here. The "plan" to fix the Timepad failed as a direct result of Loki's actions, which were careless and made him seem incompetent, like he couldn't even handle this mission. "You had one job," etc. And there were pretty big consequences for this; they were not able to get off-world in time and would have been killed had the TVA not shown up at the last second.

And maybe none of these things matter bc the writers never intended any of this to be a reflection on Loki's character, positive or negative. The situation exists solely because the writers needed to put Loki and Sylvie together in some kind of hopeless scenario so that they could get closer, and thus the narrative could set up their romance. I get that - but, there were other ways to do it that didn't require Loki to look foolish.

Furthermore, the whole reason they needed to set up the romance is to show Loki eventually learning to love himself (like, figuratively but also literally). The audience is supposed to gather that Loki and Sylvie fell for one another, possibly due to the high emotional aspect of, yknow, being about to die (in addition to the variant-bond). The intent is clear: Loki and Sylvie almost die but get rescued at the last minute, having now created an emotional bond --> Loki and Sylvie team up and the narrative further establishes that Loki, at least, has caught feelings --> Loki might confess them but is pruned before he gets the chance --> he somehow survives, he and Sylvie are reunited and don't want to lose one another again, and the combined power of their love is enough to break the sacred timeline and spawn the multiverse, and the reason that the power of their love is so, well, powerful is because it's about self-love and self-acceptance as much as it is about having the capacity to love someone else. The end.

I get all that. The writers more or less said all that. And, I mean, it's certainly not the way I would have chosen to go about it, but it's a fair enough arc to explore. I don't really have an issue with the intent - but my question, however, is this: if the narrative has so far not addressed Loki's background issues (as outlined above), and has furthermore kinda gone out of its way to portray Loki as hedonistic and narcissistic, among other things (like kinda incompetent), and the context the audience starts with is that Loki's this villain who deserves what he gets -

- my question is 1, why should the audience care whether or not Loki gets to a point of loving and accepting himself (thus to make the theme of self-love, via the romance, hold weight) if they don't know that he hates himself to begin with and 2, why should the audience root for Loki to reach that point when so far the perception of him is that he's "kind of an asshole"? if he's a hedonistic narcissist, he probably already has a pretty inflated sense of himself, right? A misplaced inflated sense of himself, at that, because, again, the narrative has made him out to be not that capable of much of anything. (And it didn't start out that way! It seemed to start out with Loki being capable and intelligent but it's like episode 3, in trying to set up the romance, just jumbled it all up somewhere. I think this is why I'm harping on the Loki/Sylvie aspect so much - it's frustrating bc it kinda messes up the whole story and can't even accomplish what it's supposed to anyway.)

Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm ultimately getting at is, at what point is the audience supposed to get invested in Loki's personal growth journey?

They can't, not really. Without understanding and having the context of everything Loki has been through up until now, and why he hates himself, and why it's so important that he learn to love himself, then the "payoff" becomes kinda pointless bc the significance of it is lost in translation. So suddenly we're left with this romance that comes off as either "Loki loves Sylvie bc of Reasons" (best-case scenario) or "Loki loves Sylvie bc he's vain, narcissistic, and kinda twisted" (worst-case scenario). Neither of these conclusions are what the writers intended or were going for, I'm positive, but there we are, regardless.

In order for the writers' intent in these storylines to land, they need to address the context of what makes these particular stakes high for Loki. So far, they haven't done that. They're asking the audience to pick up on all of these things, and they're showing things that subtextually make sense and are relatively in-character - but only if you realize there's subtext in the first place.

But you can't expect the audience to do all of the work for you. If you don't want the audience to think that Loki is a narcissistic asshole and instead you are trying to convey that, worst-case scenario, he thinks he's a narcissist but is an unreliable narrator, then you have to address that. If you need the audience to understand why you're going the selfcest route and why it's important to explore Loki's capacity to love himself and others, you have to address where that exploration is starting from and why it matters. Etc etc etc.

The narrative isn't doing any of that. And it isn't like it'd be that hard to do it. They don't need to reinvent the wheel here; a lot of the pieces are already there. A few lines of dialogue for context, a brief scene here or there addressing the issues, a little more care and consistency in how Loki handles things - these are all little things that could go a long fucking way in making the narrative stronger.

I'm rambling. My basic point is that my rollercoaster of emotions with this show is because

- as a part of the fan audience, not the general one, I can contextualize and analyze the subtext and come to the conclusions the show wants me to, and thus find the story and the characters more or less enjoyable,

- but I am also going to be using the subtext to come to conclusions that aren't there but probably should be (I think it would be a better story, for example, for Loki to confuse platonic love with romantic love bc it would pave the way to explore just how fucked up Loki's understanding of love - whether of other people or of himself, and the different forms it can take - actually is)

- and when they're ultimately not there, then I think, okay why am I bothering doing all this work just to ultimately feel very unfulfilled? They don't even have to write it the way I would, I'm not saying that, but they do have to do something to make the story feel rewarding.

If we don't get some confirmation of what Loki's been through, and where his headspace is, and why it matters for him to love himself, then the story remains pretty shallow and, for me, it's not fulfilling enough. It's not engaging enough. There isn't actually anything to sink my teeth into, so it becomes kind of boring. Maybe it's rewarding to other people, and that's great for them, but like - I need more than whatever this is.

So I'm just like - well, I had a lot of worries about this show, but my being bored wasn't one of them and now there's only two episodes left and am I really not going to get anything out of this, in the long run? No new canons, no new depths or layers, no new information on Loki's experiences? This is it?

I don't dislike it. I didn't start out disliking it, and I probably wont end up disliking it. I mean, there are a lot of good moments, and good things, and fan service-y things that I appreciate. As far as inspiration for fic goes, it's a goldmine, both plot-wise as well as aesthetic-wise. All of that is great. I don't dislike this show.

But I am disappointed in it, and I feel like I'll be watching the next two episodes lacking the sense of anticipation that would make it exciting. I'll still enjoy them, probably, if for nothing else just the sheer Loki content, but whatever it was I felt watching episodes 1 and 2 is gone and I'm sad about that, too. Because I really wanted to feel fulfilled by this series; I wanted it to fill up the void that Loki's death in IW created three years ago. And I just ... don't feel it. Maybe, maybe that'll change over the course of episodes 5 and 6. I don't know.

Everything that I end up enjoying long-term, I think, will come about as a result of my own interpretations and analysis and while theoretically there's nothing wrong with that, if I had known all I'd get out of this series was more headcanons or support for my current headcanons then, well - that's fine, I suppose, but I'll definitely a little bit robbed.

#loki spoilers #loki series negativity #loki tv series spoilers #loki series spoilers #long post

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stellocchia · 3 years

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I just wanted to analize the conversation between Foolish and Tommy for a bit because I’m still thinking about it

I did technically intend for this to be a short little thing with just a couple of my thoughts on it but... brevity is NOT my strong suit!

So I put everything under the cut and obviously it’s all about the characters.

You can find the conversation here at 02:52:55 and onwards

What is extremely interesting about this whole conversation is that Foolish is mostly unaware of what happened prior to him joining and about most things that happened afterwards, meaning he has as detached and objective of an opinion as you can get. For example Foolish doesn’t know almost anything about L’Manburg, as it was destroyed before he joined and he also didn’t know that Tommy went in the prison to kill Dream (which is why he asks how that went when Tommy mentions it). That paired together with the fact that Foolish has proven to be quite a good listener is probably the reason why Tommy felt so comfortable opening up with him.

“No what do you mean you fought Dream?” “Well you know... you’ve seen Wilbur haven’t you?” “No, no actually” (as I said, completely unaware, though he did seem a bit worried at the idea of Tommy fighting Dream)

“Ghostbur’s uhm... Ghostbur’s not here anymore” “Oh did he pack up? Move out? Got bored? He seems like a free spirit” “Yeah he moved out to this little train station far far away. There’s a little train station, you know? Right near the world border. There’s a little train station” “Oh that’s cool! I wanna see that sometimes" (...) “There’s a little train station out near the world border and Ghostbur went but he left Friend” “He left Friend?!” “But we’ll get Friend to him soon, ‘cause then they’ll all be happy”

Tommy’s way of explaining things to others is always so fascinating to me. It’s childish and charged with emotions, but I don’t mean this negatively, because it gets the point across better then any grand and eloquent speaches really could in my opinion. How attached he was to Ghostbur is also extremely sweet and this is simply his way of dealing with grief: trying to find a practical solution (he was suggested to Tubbo to wash up and now his solution is bringing Friend to Ghostbur), trying to find something he can do to make things better.

“How much can you take Foolish? Blood! Blood! Does that upset you?” (it’s nice seeing Tommy being mindful of other people’s triggers since not many people are mindful with his)

“All I know is I’m proving that bitch [Wilbur] wrong! Because he told me- he told me I’m weak” (another example that the manipulation did work to some extent)

“I don’t feel comfortable talking about that [his revival] with you Foolish if I’m honest” “No, fair enough!” (and Foolish repaying the favour right after)

“I don’t really se how this solves the problem” “Well it doesn’t ‘solve’ the problem, it’s preventing the problem Foolish, alright? Have you noticed that all the problems come they don’t get solved, do they? Ends up with some madman screaming ‘I solved it’ alright? And now- and then look at him, alright, now he’s taken away everyone’s favourite man: Ghostbur, alright? Problems don’t really get solved in this server”

So, for context Foolish was commenting on how gathering stone didn’t seem like a good solution for Tommy to prove to Wilbur that he wasn’t weak, but Tommy’s answer is about more then that. There isn’t much he can do at the moment, not knowing what Wilbur is planning, so the only thing he CAN do for now is what he was asked and, hopefully, prove himself to Wilbur so that he may be able to stop Wilbur from committing atrocities before he starts. Also the “madman” he’s talking about could be Dream (the one who thinks he is a God and actually killed Ghostbur) as well as Sam (the one who thought the prison was gonna be a solution to the Dream problem and who let Ghostbur die) or it could be Wilbur (who seems so self assured about being right on everything and is now the one who replaced Ghostbur), any of them fits. It is also true that, so far, every problem that seemed to have been “solved” turned out to be far from it every single time. That said, of course it should not be Tommy’s responsability to get Wilbur on the “right path” nor should he bear sole responsability for avoiding disaster once more, but, by now, he’s convinced that that’s not the truth, probably because he sees himself as far more sacrificable then those around him.

“Well, how do we go about changing that [problems not getting solved]?” “That’s what I’m doing” “By gathering stone?” “No what I’m doing my friend is preventing the problem before it gets out of hand like it did before, alright?” (again, it’s all about prevention now through getting Wilburs trust and maybe steering him in the correct path)

“L’manburg! This was mine and Wilbur’s na- it was Wilbur’s nation! It was Wilbur’s which makes it all the more heart wrenching, alright?” (referring to his talk with Wilbur about L’Manburg, which does make it more heart wrenching)

“Now we were okay- I was okay when we were banished and I knew that we’d get it back and we’d talk about it, right? As you said: ‘peace is the option’. But here’s the thing Foolish, Wilbur didn’t wanna do anymore talking, he’d given up with that, because some people aren’t strong enough, alright, some people stop talking. You know the phrase ‘treat others how you wanna be treated’ Foolish? That’s a very important phrase (...) Wilbur disregarded that rule. He decided that he wanted to be treated poorly so he’d treat everyone else poorly” “Why do you think that?” “Honestly sometimes I don’t really know myself”

So a very interesting thing that emerged from this conversation is that Tommy has a much better understanding of Wilbur then most people originally assumed and he is possibly the only person (in universe) who has picked up on the fact that all of Wilburs “villain speaches” and behaviours were nothing more then him treating others like he thought he himself deserved to be treated, like sh*t. It’s also interesting that Tommy relates the concept of strenght here once again both with the ability to stay peaceful and, this time, also the ability to communicate properly with those you care about (probably because this are both things he himself lacked when he considered himself to be at his worst, meaning in exile and later with Techno). It is also to be noted though that, while Tommy is undoubtedly the one person who understand Wilbur best, he is still not aware of how bad his spiral had gotten because Wilbur never communicated it.

“Now Wilbur, he was a good man- he IS a good man, deep inside him, alright?” “So you’re saying that there’s still redemption for him?” “Well he’s been a good man deep inside him, but he’s been a bad guy for a very very long time” (Short introduction to Tommy’s concept of “good” or “bad” in season 3. He has gotten a lot more nuanced over time realizing that the world isn’t simply black or white)

“You believe in second chances?” “No I don’t. I don’t really believe- I- that’s not a thing for me Foolish, is just that... *sigh* I believe that everyone has got a little bit of good in them. And I know that Wilbur had good in him” (A little bit more about his concept of morality, this time explaining that he doesn’t really believe in giving people a quantifiable number of “chances”, but more so in the fact that everyone has capacity for good, which also implies that everyone has capacity for bad, but he chooses to hang onto the first one for those he cares about)

“Now I just think Wilbur’s being a bad guy, and that’s okay! We’re all bad guys, everyone messes up. You learn the most from your mistakes” (he also moved on from the fear of becoming a “bad guy” now it seems by noticing that your mistakes don’t define you as a person and that they are opportunities to better yourself)

“He’s made sooo many mistakes, so many that have hurt so many people, but, what this is gonna be about isn’t giving him a second chance, isn’t giving him a third chance, is not about chances! Foolish, it’s about not giving up on the people you care about”

And this is the culmination of all the previous point. The idea of chances implies that you’re gonna give up at some point if the person doesn’t changes (which is a healthy thing to do, by the way, sometimes it’s better to cut people off when they aren’t good for you) and Tommy doesn’t believe in that. He believes that everyone has some good in them and perhaps, if you stick by them long enough, that good may shine threough. Now this is a nice concept in theory, but in reality if people wanna change it has to start from themselves (wether that be changing an opinion or needing to reach out for help) and it’s especially not a good idea to stick by someone if they are harmful to you. I’m sure no one likes Wilbur being in this example, so think what would happen if Tommy applied the same mentality to, say, Dream, someone who has hurt him more then anyone else and who considers him less then human (more like his propriety) and who’s most probably never gonna change since he never regretted anything he did: would you still think that the idea of “never give up on people if you care about them” would be a positive one? This sadly is an example of excessive selflessness on Tommy’s part that ends up being self-destructive.

“You consider yourself to be the ‘good guy’ or the ‘bad guy’?” “That really depends who you ask, doesn’t it? You know? You ask Dream he’s say I’m- he’d say I’m his little- I’m his little play- his little toy that he plays with, you know, it doesn’t- Foolish honestly I used to consider myself the ‘good guy’, the fucking second in command going around going ‘yeah let’s do this!’ but I- recently- this past- this past like six months or so Foolish everything got so much harder then it was before, but because before it was us fighting the bad guys and everything was so clear, it was all so clear! But it’s not been clear for so long”

A few things to unpack here: Tommy once again demonstrating quite a bit of awareness that he didn’t always have about Dream and how he now views him (this has been a gradual and difficult realization for him and it is still clearly hard for him to talk about it) and then explaining that things simply got more complicated then they once were (which is an important thing to keep in mind, because Wilbur missed all of that, he missed the world becoming shades of gray) and that he really doesn’t believe in ‘bad guys’ or ‘good guys’ any longer.

“It seems like you’ve been the hero, you’ve been the viallian, the conquerer, the saviour and, even now, I still have no idea of what you exactly are” “It’s up to you to decide, isn’t it?”

Now this can be interpreted in a few different ways. It could be that Tommy has simply given up in tring to define himself since others keep insisting in putting him into small little boxes that don’t fit him. It could be that he simply refuses the labels and leaves it up to others to decide what he is in relation to them. Or it could be something else entirely and I’m leaving it up to you to decide.

“Unlike you I don’t really have a choice. I have to try and be who I want to be, ‘cause if I don’t... very bad things are gonna happen on this server. Now Wilbur’s back Foolish I can’t- quite frankly no one can risk that, so I don’t really have a choice”

And this is how it ends on a quite hopeless note actually. By this point the responsability to solve problems has been put on his shoulders so many times that he doesn’t really think he has a choice any longer and he also recognizes Wilbur as a genuine threat to the server as a whole if left alone.

#tommyinnit #foolish__gamers #foolishg #dream smp #character analysis #long post #basically we learned that tommy is a lot more perceptive then he seems #he also has a pretty nuanced view of the world he lives in #but he tends to think he has to shoulder all of the responsabilities for everything himself #which is generally not good for his own mental health

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snicketstrange · 3 years

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Rereading The Chapter 14 (The End)

I believed that in ASOUE's universe, chapter 14 was apparently written some time after the rest of the book. But I abandoned that idea. Lemony wrote to the editor that chapter 14 could be found at the end of the same manuscript.

We then have the epigraph of Le Voyage. It's an excerpt that portrays the moment of death, and perhaps the acceptance of death. But I don't think this means that Lemony is completely certain of the Baudelaires' death. I think it means he's pretty sure he won't write about the Baudelaires anymore. I think the right question is "why did Lemony decide to stop writing at this point in the story?" "Why did he plan to write more and then stop writing?" I think Lemony didn't promise to write the entire story of the Baudelaires. He promised to write the story of the conflict between the Baudelaires and Olaf. So when he was sure of Olaf's death, and that was only with the additional information he had probably had access to through Beatrice Jr, Lemony realized that the research might be over. The certainty of Olaf's death was the event he determined when the narrative came to an end. So, it makes us wonder what kind of promise Lemony made. Apparently he promised that he would clarify the facts surrounding the charges the Baudelaires went through, as well as the contexts in which these events took place. That's why it was so important to get this information out to the general public. Because it involved the honor of the Baudelaire family. Furthermore, this explains why he could not rely solely on the account given by the Baudelaires themselves: after all, they were being accused of being lying criminals. Lemony needed to clear their name, proving, so to speak, that the facts reported by the Baudelaires were real, and it was not enough just to record what he read in the island book.

I think this is the most sensible explanation, and as a theorist I will defend it. But as a fan willing to come up with slightly bizarre ideas, I feel like imagining Lemony realizing that his own death was close to happening. It would be interesting to imagine that Lemony's research took so long that he was an elderly man when he was publishing The End. And the reason Lemony finished his work at this point would be his physical limitations. That would explain shocking secret #13: "he's finished." And more than that: it would even explain the title of the book: "The End of Lemony Snicket". And furthermore, this would explain Lemony's dedication to Beatrice in chapter 14. After quoting the words of Charles B., in which the poet compares the hour of death with the setting off of a ship, Lemony claims that both he and Beatrice are like boats sailing at night, but especially her. Both were on a dark and lonely journey, but she was already dead. "

Beatrice's last words recorded in the book were really emotional to me when I first read them, and they still are today. Especially after I watched the Netflix series, it's now possible to imagine a very specific face when I picture Beatrice. And it's possible to think of a specific soundtrack when I read this.

About the baby's name, on my Headcanon Violet is the name of Mrs. W, who was presumed dead around the same time as Lemony. And in my Headcanon, just as Lemony didn't really die, she didn't either. I still like to think that she was the mystery woman on TGG, and that's the real reason Quigley used the name Violet in the message he sent to submarine Q.

I think this is the first time I stop to think that the Baudelaires ate crab. This is unclean food for those who practice Judaism as a religion, isn't it? I even thought the roast lamb was a reference to the Passover celebration, but they wouldn't do that by eating crab. Or is it that in a book in which Daniel Handler implicitly criticizes religion, he did so on purpose? I think it's unlikely, but still possible. But, albeit unintentionally, the Baudelaires rejected the religious customs of their ancestors in a book in which religious customs are questioned and this is significant.

"The baby had heard about danger, too, mostly from the register of crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind from which the Baudelaires read out loud each evening, although they had not told the infant the whole story. She did not know all of the Baudelaires' secrets, and indeed there were some she would never know."

The above excerpt is important as it reveals that Lemony has information about Beatrice Jr's future as he was writing this chapter. This explains how Lemony knows what happened in this chapter: Beatrice Jr told him. Lemony did meet her, and he realized that the Baudelaires hadn't told her the whole story.

A detail that has always pleased me in this book is to notice that after 1 year, Sunny stopped babbling words and has a more conventional and extensive vocabulary. I find this compatible with the fact that 1 year has passed and it's also compatible with her character development arc. One of asoue's themes is "how some children are forced to mature too quickly because of tragedy". Sunny, for example, needed to learn how to cook and convince herself that she loved doing it and that she was good at it in a few days. And all this before she learned to speak English properly. She needed to help with a birth long before she fully understood issues related to human procreation. But in chapter 14, she finally had the opportunity to develop without tragedies forcing her to skip important steps in life.

"Do we take this?" Violet asked, holding up the book from which she had read out loud.

"I don't think so," Klaus said. "Perhaps another castaway will arrive, and continue the history."

"In any case," Sunny said, "they'll have something to read."

Please realize how important this dialogue is. Daniel Handler placed this dialogue here to make sure the reader understood the source of information Lemony had access to: the island book. The children wrote about their own story in that book, including their thoughts, feelings, and private conversations. The children shared some details about ancient events, about when Sunny wasn't even born. In the book, Lemony found details about some events that took place on the island before the arrival of the three Baudelaires.

"I want to make sure these life jackets I've designed will fit properly."

Well... It's good to know that, even though the boat sank, the Baudelaires had lifeboats. Their chances of survival really increased a lot. And knowing that Beatrice Jr managed to survive a shipwreck, it's quite possible that they did too.

The Baudelaires watched her approach, wondering what the next chapter in this infant's life would be, and indeed that is difficult to say. There are some who say that the Baudelaires rejoined V.F.D. and are engaged in brave errands to this day, perhaps under different names to avoid being captured. There are others who say that they perished at sea, although rumors of one's death crop up are often revealed to be untrue. But in any case, as my investigation is over, we have indeed reached the last chapter of the Baudelaires' story, even if the Baudelaires had not.

Lemony just reports here what he heard. Although Daniel Handler intentionally wishes the ending to be left open, and I will respect his decision, I will speak my opinion. They didn't die at sea, though. Note that Lemony directly relates the baby's future to the future of the three Baudelaires. The way Lemony wrote here suggests that the baby's future is as uncertain as the future of her adoptive parents. But we TBL readers know the truth about Beatrice Jr.'s future. Beatrice is alive! So the most likely situation is that her parents are also alive. ( And who knows other characters that we thought had died there on TBB... could it be that at least one of them could also have survived?)

But the question is: if Lemony knows the baby survived, why did he hide this information from the reader? Certainly to protect his niece. Lemony didn't lie, just omitted some details.

The baby paused, and looked at the back of the boat, where the nameplate had been affixed. She had no way of knowing this, of course, but the nameplate had been nailed to the back of the boat by a person standing on the very spot she was standing—at least as far as my research has shown.

Lemony once again dismantled specific knowledge through research, which could only have been done through information provided by others. Beatrice Jr needed to tell Lemony exactly where she was at that moment and Lemony needed to compare that with the information Beatrice Sr and Bertrand wrote in the island book. And then, on visiting the site, Lemony was able to ascertain the most likely position for those descriptions. While Lemony is a bit mistaken, the research process must have been like that.

Finally, she uttered a word. The Baudelaire orphans gasped when they heard it, but they could not say for sure whether she was reading the word out loud or merely stating her own name, and indeed they never learned this. Perhaps this last word was the baby's first secret, joining the secrets the Baudelaires were keeping from the baby, and all the other secrets immersed in the world. Perhaps it is better not to know what was meant by this word, as some things are better left in the great unknown. There are some words, of course, that are better left unsaid—but not, I believe, the word uttered by my niece, a word which here means that the story is over. Beatrice.

Oh... How I love this ending. That's when I felt my head explode for the first time in my life, and I'm still picking up the pieces.

#asoue #asoue theory #lemony snicket #a series of unfortunate events #asoue theories #beatrice baudelaire #snicketverse #beatrice snicket #beatrice jr #violet baudelaire #sunny baudelaire

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supercantaloupe · 3 years

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okay yeah actually, i’ll bite. i’ve got some of my own thoughts about the unsleeping city and cultural representation and i’m gonna make a post about them now, i guess. i’ll put it under a cut though because this post is gonna be long.

i wanna start by saying i love dimension 20 and i really really enjoy the unsleeping city. i look forward to watching new episodes every week, and getting hooked on d20 as a whole last summer really helped pull me out of a pandemic depression, and i’m grateful to have this cool show to be excited about and interested in and to have met so many cool people to talk about it with.

that being said, however, i think there is a risk run in representing any group of people/their culture when you have the kind of setting that tuc has. by which i mean, tuc is set in a real world with real people and real human cultures in it. unlike fantasy high or a crown of candy where everything is made up (even if rooted in real-world cultures), tuc is explicitly rooted in reality, and all of its diversity -- both the ups and downs that go with it. and especially set in new york of all places, one of the most densely, diversely populated cities on earth. the cast is 7 people; it’s great that those 7 people come from a variety of backgrounds and identities and all bring their own unique perspectives to the table, and it’s great that those people and the entire crew are generally conscious of themselves and desire to tell stories/represent perspectives ethically. but you simply cannot authentically represent every culture or every perspective in the world (or even just in a city) when your cast is 7 people. it’s an impossible task. this is inherent to the setting, and acknowledged by the cast, and by brennan especially, who has been on record saying how one of the exciting aspects of doing a campaign set in nyc is its diversity, the fact that no two new yorkers have the same perspective of new york. i think that’s a good thing -- but it does have its challenges too, clearly.

i’m not going to go into detail on the question of whether or not tuc’s presentation of asian and asian american culture is appropriative/offensive or not. first of all, i don’t feel like it’s 100% fair to judge the show completely yet, since it’s a prerecorded season and currently airing midseason, so i don’t yet know how things wrap up. secondly, i’m not asian or asian american. i can have my own opinions on that content in the show, but i think it’s worth more to hear actual asian and asian american voices on this specific aspect of the show. having an asian american cast member doesn’t automatically absolve the show of any criticisms with regard to asian american cultural representation/appropriation, whether those criticisms are made by dozens of viewers or only a handful of them. regardless, i don’t think it’s my place as someone who is not asian to speak with any authority on that issue, and i know for a fact that there are asian american viewers sharing their own opinions. their thoughts in this instance hold more water than mine, i think.

what i will comment on in more depth, though, is a personal frustration with tuc. i’m jewish; i’ve never really been shy about that fact on my page here. i’m not from new york, but i visit a few times a year (or i did before covid anyway, lol), and i have some family from nyc. nyc, to me, is a jewish city. and for good reason, since it’s home to one of the largest jewish populations of the country, and even the world, and aspects of jewish culture (including culinary, like bagels and pastrami, and linguistic, like the common use of yiddish words and phrases in english colloquial speech) are prevalent and celebrated among jews and goyim alike. when i think of nyc, i think of a jewish city; that’s not everybody’s new york, but that’s my new york, and thats plenty of other people’s new york too. so i do find myself slightly disappointed or frustrated in tuc for its, in my opinion, rather stark lack of jewish representation.

now, i’m not saying that one of the PCs should have been jewish, full stop. i love to headcanon iga as jewish even though canon does not support that interpretation, and i’m fine with that. she’s not my character. it’s possible that simply no one thought of playing a jewish character, i dunno. but also, and i can’t be sure about this, i’m willing to bet that none of the players really wanted to play a jewish character because they didn’t want to play a character of a marginalized culture they dont belong to in the interest of avoiding stereotyping or offensive representation/cultural appropriation. (i don’t know if any of the cast members are jewish, but i’m assuming not.) and the concern there is certainly appreciated; there’s not a ton of mainstream jewish rep out there, and often what we get is either “unlikeable overly conservative hassidic jew” or “jokes about their bar mitzvah/one-off joke about hanukkah and then their jewishness is never mentioned ever again,” which sucks. it would be really cool to see some more good casual jewish rep in a well-rounded, three-dimensional character in the main cast of a show! even if there are a couple of stumbles along the way -- nobody is perfect and no two jews have the same level of knowledge, dedication, and adherence to their culture.

but at the same time, i look at characters like iga and i really do long for a jewish character to be there. siobhan isn’t polish, yet she’s playing a characters whose identity as a polish immigrant to new york is very central to her story and arc. and part of me wonders why we can’t have the same for a jewish character. if not a PC, then why not an NPC? again, i’m jewish, and i am not native, but in my opinion i think the inclusion of jj is wonderful -- i think there are even fewer native main characters in mainstream media than there are jewish ones, and it’s great to see a native character who is both in touch with their culture as well as not being defined solely by their native-ness. to what extent does it count as ‘appropriative’ because brennan is a white dude? i dunno, but i’m like 99% sure they talked to sensitivity consultants to make sure the representation was as ethical as they could get it, and anyway, i can’t personally see and glaring missteps so far. but again, i’m not native, and if there are native viewers with their own opinions on jj, i’d be really interested in hearing them.

but getting back to the relative lack of jewish representation. it just...disappoints me that jewishness in new york is hardly ever even really mentioned? again, i know we’re only just over halfway through season 2, but also, we had a whole first season too. and it’s definitely not all bad. for example: willy! gd, i love willy so much. him being a golem of williamsburg makes me really really happy -- a jewish mythological creature animated from clay/mud (in this case bricks) to protect a jewish community (like that of williamsburg, a center for many of nyc’s jews) from threat. golem have so often been taken out of their original context and turned into evil monsters in fantasy settings, especially including dnd. (even within other seasons of d20! crush in fh being referred to as a “pavement golem” always rubbed me the wrong way, and i had hoped they’d learned better after tuc but in acoc they refer to another monster as a “corn golem” which just disappointed me all over again.) so the fact that tuc gets golems right makes my jewish heart very happy.

and yet...he doesn’t show up that much? sure, in s1, he’s very helpful when he does, but in s2 so far he shows up once and really does not say or do much of anything. he speaks with a lot more yiddish-influenced language than other characters, but if you didn’t know those words were specifically yiddish/jewish, you might not be able to otherwise clock the fact that willy is jewish. and while willy is a jewish mythological creature who is jewish in canon, he isn’t human. there are no other direct references to judaism, jewish characters, or jewish culture in the unsleeping city beyond him.

there are, in fact, two other canon jewish characters in tuc. but...here’s where i feel the most frustration, i think. the two canon jewish humans in tuc are stephen sondheim and robert moses. both of whom are real actual people, so it’s not like we can just pick and choose what their cultural backgrounds are. as much as i love stephen sondheim, i think there are inherent issues with including real world people as characters in a fictional setting, especially if they are from living/recent memory (sondheim is literally still alive), but anyway, sondheim and moses are both actual jewish people. from watching tuc alone you probably would not be able to guess that sondheim is jewish -- nothing from his character except name suggests it, and i wouldn’t even fault you for not thinking ‘sondheim’ is a jewish-sounding surname (and i dislike the idea/attitude/belief that you can tell who is or isn’t jewish by the sound of their name). and yeah, i’m not going to sit here and be like “brennan should have made sondheim more visibly jewish in canon!” because, like, he’s a real human being and it’s fucking weird to portray him in a way that isn’t as close to how he publicly presents himself, which is not in fact very identifiably jewish? i don’t know, this is what i mean by it’s inherently weird and arguably problematic to portray real living people as characters in a fictional setting, but i digress. sondheim’s jewish, even if you wouldn’t know it; not exactly a representation win.

and then there’s bob moses. you might be able to guess that he’s jewish from canon, actually. there’s the name, of course. but more insidious to me are the specifics of his villainy. greedy and powerhungry, a moneyman, a lich whose power is stored in a phylactery...it does kind of all add up to a Yikes from me. (in the stock market fight there’s a one-off line asking if he has green skin; it’s never really directly acknowledged or answered, but it made me really uncomfortable to hear at first and it’s stuck with me since viewing for the first time.) the issue for me here is that the most obviously jewish human character is the season’s bbeg, and his villainy is rooted in very antisemitic tropes and stereotypes.

i know this isn’t all brennan’s fault -- robert moses was a real ass person and he was in fact jewish, a powerhungry and greedy moneyman, a big giant racist asshole, etc. i’m not saying that jewish characters can’t be evil, and i’m not saying brennan should have tried to be like “this is my NPC robert christian he’s just like bob moses but instead he’s a goy so it’s okay” because...that would be fuckin weird bro. and bob moses was a real person who was jewish and really did do some heinous shit with his municipal power. i’m not necessarily saying brennan should have picked/created a different character to be the villain. i’m not even saying that he shouldn’t have made bob moses a lich (although, again, it doesn’t 100% sit right with me). but my point here is that bob moses is one of a grand total of three canon jewish characters in tuc, of which only two humans, of whom he is the one you’d most easily guess would be jewish and is the most influenced by antisemitic stereotypes/tropes. had there been more jewish representation in the show at all, even just some neutral jewish NPCs, this would not be as much of a problem as it is to me. but halfway through season 2, so far, this is literally all we get. and that bums me out.

listen, i really like tuc. i love d20. but the fact that it is set in a real world place with real world people does inherently raise challenges when it comes to ethical cultural representation. especially when the medium of the show is a game whose creatures, lore, and mechanics have been historically rooted in some questionable racial/cultural views. and dnd is making progress to correct some of those misguided views of older sourcebooks by updating them to more equitably reflect real world racial/cultural sensitivities; that’s a good thing! but these seasons, of course, were recorded before that. the game itself has some questionable cultural stuff baked into it, and that is (almost necessarily) going to be brought to the table in a campaign set in a real-world place filled with real-world people of diverse real-world cultures. the cast can have sensitivity consultants and empathy and the best intentions in the world, and they’ll still fuck up from time to time, that’s okay. your mileage may vary on whether or not it’s still worth sticking around with the show (or the fandom) through that. for me, it does not yet outweigh all the things i like about the show, and i’m gonna continue watching it. but it’s still very worth acknowledging that the cast is 7 people who cannot possibly hope to authentically or gracefully represent every culture in nyc. it’s an unfortunate limitation of the medium. yet it’s also still worthwhile to acknowledge and discuss the cultural representation as it is in the show -- both the goods and the bads, the ethically solid and the questionably appropriative -- and even to hold the creators accountable. (decently, though. i’m definitely not advocating anybody cyberbully brennan on twitter or whatever.) the show and its representation is far from perfect, but i also don’t think it ever could be. still, though, it could always be better, and there’s a worthwhile discussion to be had in the wheres, hows, and whys of that.

#sasha reviews #sasha speaks #the unsleeping city #unsleeping city #long post #dimension 20 #gd i stayed up way too late to write this #tuc #the unsleeping city chapter 2 #the unsleeping city 2 #tuc2 #antisemitism

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lazyliars · 3 years

Text

/rp

DreamXD actually slots very nicely into a working theory I've had for about two or so months now, mainly centering around one question:

What happened to Dream?

Namely, why did Dream change, when exactly did it happen, and was it solely an internal change, or was there an external force at play, specifically a preternatural one?

I think with DreamXD, we might finally have an answer.

Or at least some clues to follow. DreamXD presents a shift in every single paradigm the Dream SMP has had. Like, I think most of it is just being so utterly blind-sided by George Lore Real, but part of it is the massive ramifications of an Actual God* being present in the storyline.

((*On the other resident god of the server, Foolish:

DreamXD is different than Foolish, in that his characterization is so dramatically inhuman - Foolish talks and acts like a (somewhat eccentric) person, and his powers are, as far as we know, limited in comparison to the creative-mode godhood that DreamXD occupies. And whether that is because Foolish is not a "full" god (having been referred to as a demigod) or simply because he's spent so much time around humans, we don't know, but we do know that either way, DreamXD is NOT that.

DreamXD's voice is marked by glitches and dramatic shifts in tone, he seems to lack control over the different aspects of his personality, like the more "Dream" part vs. the darker one that threatens to eat peoples souls. The "normal" part even displays confusion when George references things that the "darker" part said, implying that it may not be fully aware of itself.

TLDR: Foolish acts more human than DreamXD, who has a very eldritch personality.))

To get right to the point:

The Dream we knew before November 16th, and the Dream we know now are not the same. Something changed, and it changed for the worse.

Consider: Dream was always antagonistic to the L'manbergians - he was always imperious to them, and he was responsible for starting a number of fights between his faction and theirs, just as many if not more than they were.

But, he was also not... evil. He'd pick fights with Tommy, the disc wars were still a thing, but the gravity of the spats they had weren't dire. They were fun. They were... actually a game. He wasn't like the way he is now. While in hindsight we can look at these events and detect a serious undertone knowing what's to come, at the time they were far from it.

There is an argument to be made that he had the same tendencies as now, just not expressed as loudly, and while I believe it's a valid argument, I disagree that it's proof of Dream always being the way he is now.

Sapnap, Badboyhalo, Sam. They all remember Dream as their friend - they remember someone who was, maybe a little aggressive and a lot competitive, but not cruel. Not needlessly murderous. Not someone who steals sentimental items and lines the walls of a disgusting museum to use against them.

Dream cut them out. Sapnap was totally blindsided. Bad doesn't seem to fully believe it. Sam blamed himself for not realizing and tried to take the weight of that crime on his own shoulders by becoming the Warden.

There's also the competing theory that what happened to Dream was purely psychological - either the circumstances slowly isolating him from his friends driving him to the do things he's done, or a desire for control that started early and continued to fester until it overshadowed everything else, or any combination of both.

And those theories are still valid, they could still be the case, but I haven't been able to shake the idea that there is something deeper at play. I can't overstate how the exile arc and everything after it have been so inhumane, so cruel, and... not exactly out of character in the sense that I could never see Dream doing them, but in the sense that I could never see him doing them for no reason.

And there really doesn't seem to be one. Dream says himself, it's like a game. He sees people as toys, puppets. And there just doesn't seem to be an inciting incident that could explain how he made the leap from semi-authoritarian leader who, despite being a warmonger, does love his friends, to heartless murderer who wants to reduce everyone he knows to dolls.

There's... ways, he could get there, but nothing that we've seen makes sense. There is a missing piece, something that must have happened from his POV that we didn't get to see because he doesn't stream.

And DreamXD could be it. This godly entity that claims that it is "a part of [Dream]" but that it isn't him entirely. That seems to share the lack of understanding of humanity that Dream has been displaying like when he asks if resurrecting Tommy was “cool.” But that still loves George. He still, despite apparently not having the same history as Dream, desperately wants to be George's friend.

If I had to pinpoint the moment Dream changed, it would be the day that he revealed that he switched sides, and was going to be fighting against Pogtopia. He was paid for this betrayal in the Revive Book.

I mark this as the turning point in my theory because it is the first time Dream mentions his affinity for chaos in the context of hurting others. However, we also know that this likely wasn't the day he actually made the decision to betray - as he revealed that there was a traitor among the Pogtopians, a fact that he likely would have learned before this.

Now, I mark George's lore stream as the introduction of DreamXD proper, and I want that on the record because it isn't technically his first appearance on the server.

Most people will remember him from Techno's stream, where he logged on to break the End Portal in a panic. I doubt the character was properly written into the lore at that time, but it fits neatly with the rest of what we know about him - a guardian of the server, and the keeper of it's rules. No contradictions.

What less people might know, is that DreamXD has made an even earlier appearance, and it's this one where things begin to get... interesting.

Around roughly October of 2020, Tubbo and Fundy did some improv'd streams centering around Demon Hunting, or rather, "Dreamon" Hunting, and it's during the first of these two streams that DreamXD makes an appearance.

The bare bones of it was - Tubbo is an experienced "Dreamon Hunter" and teaches Fundy his ways. They find Dream, and realize that he has a Dreamon inside of him, which is basically an evil version of him. They attempt to exorcise the Dreamon from Dream via various shenanigans, and eventually, they do a ceremony to free Dream. However, they apparently botch it, and unleash the Dreamon within. After more shenanigans, one attempt to fix it utilizing Fundy and Dream's wedding appears to work, but then DreamXD logs on, flys around at Tubbo and Fundy threateningly, and they end stream on the idea that there are probably more Dreamons to hunt.

Now. There's a lot to unpack here. I'm not gonna go into the nitty gritty details in this post, but I do recommend watching the Dreamon streams, as they have A LOT of details that, if this is getting incorporated into the main story line, could be important - especially the focus on duality, having TWO versions of Dream, which end up being potentially separated from each other.

(Also, they're just really funny streams. Tubbo and Fundy are at PEAK chaos and Dream plays along with their inane bit perfectly, it's just good content.)

At the time of the Dreamon streams airing, they were explicitly non-canon. IIRC Tubbo and Fundy referred to them as taking place In an “alternate universe,” which makes sense considering they would have been on opposite sides at the time (Manburg and Pogtopia.)

However.

And this is where I show you my wall of red string and newspaper clippings.

My singular piece of evidence for this comes from one line DreamXD drops. He simply says: “At least you're not hunting me.”

The Dreamon streams take place around early October. Dream reveals his betrayal of Pogtopia around November 6th-7th. The timeline of the Dreamon streams would line up perfectly with the idea that there was a catalyzing event that put Dream on the proverbial path to hell.

I do not believe that they intended the Dreamon arc to be anything other than a side story at the time, but considering that DreamXD himself was barely canon until now, I don't think it's out of the question that they took a look back at a fan-favorite minor arc, saw an opportunity to co-opt it into the current story line, and potentially fill in some holes regarding Dream's characterization all in one move.

On the question of whether this would be a GOOD storytelling move?

The Dreamon theories were prevalent during the exile arc, and I've got to say, I was never a huge fan. The detachment of Dream's actions from his intentions, and by extension his morality, never sat right with me. It feels cheap to make him a victim and say “a Dreamon did it!” in regards to all of the horrible things that he's done. It strips his agency and makes everything that happened less impactful in my opinion, and I stand by that reading.

BUT. With DreamXD introduced, I feel like it's necessary to look at this from all angles. And with the way DreamXD was characterized in George's stream, I don't think it necessarily ruins Dream's character to say that an external force was involved with his descent into evil.

Namely, the idea that whatever happened to Dream was not really a “possession” so much as a gradual loss of humanity, could be an interesting way to look at this. It implies that Dream was always capable of his actions, but grants us understanding as to why he would actually perform them, and why he might have become isolated enough from his friends that they would let this happen.

The Dream we know now could be an expression of his “worst self” brought to the surface by a Dreamon/DreamXD/other. It also begs the question of what would happen if that force were to leave him, and how it might cause yet another shift in character, especially if it were to be portrayed as less of a switch being flipped, and more of a withdrawal, with a gradual process of realizing how far gone he was.

To close this out, I've been stewing on the idea that Dream hasn't entirely been himself since the climax of the Exile Arc.

I think this theory holds water, but it's also not waterproof... there are plenty of holes, and a lot of that comes from the fact that Dream doesn't stream. We're left in the dark when deciphering his character, and what might appear to be the key, could just as easily be revealed as a red herring, or even nothing at all.

Regardless of the validity of the Dreamon theory, I think that DreamXD is one of the most interesting developments we've had on the SMP in a long time, if simply because his arrival coincides with fucking George Lore Real. God. I still don't know how to deal with that.

I always appreciate people adding to the discussion by the way! Feel free to reblog with additions if you like or leave them in the replies.

And if a single one of you comes to my blog on THIS. THE DAY OF MY DAUGHTER'S WEDDING. And calls ME a c!Dream Apologist to MY FACE..... I will be v sad.

#Dream SMP #DreamXD #Dreamwastaken #c!Dream #georgenotfound #dream smp analysis #dream smp theory #lazytext

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the-silentium · 3 years

Text

A story of having each others back

Masterlist - A story of shirts

Pairing: Crosshair x Reader, Bad Batch x Reader

Words: 2754 words

Warnings: None.

A/N: There is some teeny tiny spoiler without context of the next Murphy day saga: Good Night, Good Luck. You guys can speculate on the meanings!

Taglist: @haloangel391

The fog was so thick he couldn't see where the ramp of the ship finished and where the grass started, even from his vantage point from the top of said ramp. He lingered in the entrance of the ship, shoulder leaning on the frame, a leg crossed over the other. The humidity was refreshing on his face, calming his overworking mind, washing away the worries of the war, the dread of the loss, and the uncertainty of tomorrow.

It was calm for once, there was no one around to push him playfully hard into a wall or assault his ears with some unneeded tsunami of information or make him feel like a kid under the careful eye of an adult. He was finally able to release the tension building in his muscles and relax, enjoy some me-time while it lasted.

Or so he thought.

"Cross, I'm cold." Your melodious whine alerted him of your presence, mere seconds before delicate fingers slipped under the hem of his blacks to toy with the fabric, your knuckles creating a trail of fire where it grazed the skin.

The fire of your touch burned his insecurities, hushed the whispers of his demons, and most of all, melted the thick walls shielding his heart. He made them indestructible. You made them malleable.

He chuckled at your antics, the time when he was surprised that a strong warrior like you could become such a cuddly and adorable woman whenever the ambient temperature was not hotter than your body was long gone. He'd noticed pretty quickly that you had a really low tolerance to lower temperature.

He'd done nothing at first, merely watched you shiver from time to time, enduring your predicament without saying a word. He saw you pass your hands over yours arms more than once, but all he could do was weigh the pros and cons of helping you out of your misery.

Because if he did, he'd let it know that he cared. And Crosshair didn't care. Not for anyone other than his brothers. They were family. They were loyal. They were everything.

But you were special. Caring. True. Sassy. Loyal. You were the newest member of this freak family and you deserved to be helped if only to pay you back from everything you did for them. For him.

So he'd decided that he would cover you in all the warmth he could offer.

More fingers slipped under the hem, tentatively lifting the fabric over his abdomen, intensifying the fire with the full-on skin contact. He could almost feel your body inches away from his back, close but not enough in his books.

"Think you can have this?" He chuckled as he got back on his two feet to turn around and meet your sheepish gaze. He had to suppress a shiver at the softness of your fingers moving over his middle and lower back as he turned over.

"Please Crosshair." You begged with a dangerous fake pout, bottom lip poking out slightly.

He wouldn't admit it, but he liked it when you begged. Not that you did that often. In fact, he only heard you beg once in the year you passed at their side. Needless to say that the situation was far from the one at hand, but it wrapped up his heart with the very same warmth.

"Your wish is my command." His finger reached for the wood stick from between his lips, threw it away into the depth of the fog to swiftly remove his top, exposing his skin to the chilly air. At the sudden change, goosebumps appeared on his arms, but he didn't care. He didn't feel them.

All he could do was admire the joy in your eyes and the excitement as you pulled the oversized shirt on, the extra length hiding not only your black shirt but the hem of your exquisitely short shorts too.

"Thanks." You smiled brightly, eyes solely focussed on him.

Even upside down, dangling meters in the air and prey to a carnivorous plant, Crosshair knew that you were a beautiful woman and that your beauty wouldn't lessen even covered in mud from head to toe. That smile was too damn captivating. It was too damn bright.

In the same chain of thought, nothing could be added to you and make you more beautiful. You were already perfection. But seeing you in his shirt turned everything upside down.

He'd been wrong for so long and on so many things.

All of his dark thoughts and low expectations caused him to repress his feelings, leaving you to think that he saw you as distracting and insignificant.

Leaving you to give him space because you thought he wanted it when all he really wanted was for you to be part of his bubble. Leaving the path open for his brother to get involved with you without saying anything. It was slow, a pace that suited the both of you, but was way too fast for him to come to terms with his own feelings.

"But Hunter's not here." Your cool hands found his naked waist, thumbs discovering the scars there with an utterly careful touch. He dropped the fact that you seemed to read his mind, focussing on the only thing he could think of.

"You look like a goddess in that." He groaned, head lowering to the perfect column of your throat.

He inhaled your enrapturing smell, his eyes closing to lose himself in the moment.

"And you're so handsome without it." You whispered as shakily as your fingers on his sides.

He decided to allow himself this one time of carelessness. Before everything came crashing down.

Your hands gripped his sides tighter as he nibbled at the skin, triggering a memory of your arms tightly enveloping him in their secure embrace. Of a time when he could feel the warmth of your own soul through the cage, calling out to his, but this time there was no fear. Only care.

"I've got you Cross." Your voice echoed through his mind, distant, words from a distant memory. "I've got you."

"I've got you." He whispered against your sensitive skin, repeating the words that rang through his mind every time his gaze found yours.

His lips moved up your jaw to meet yours and as always, the contact was tasteless, devoid of any spark that he couldn't possibly create in the abyss of his mind. But he would take it if it meant that he could maintain the dream going. If for once he wasn't second. If he wasn't the one who took too long into accepting his feelings.

But he was. And the truth slapped him hard in the face when you bit his bottom lip, jolting his mind out of his dream and into the harsh world where the first rays of the sun illuminated your empty makeshift bed.

Immediately, Crosshair shot up, eyes scanning around until he noticed your body pressed to Hunter's, one of your hands gripping tightly around his shirt as if we would disappear.

Betrayal flooded his veins and he hated the feeling as much as he hated himself at this moment. He didn't have any reason to hold this against you. You never led him on, only complying to his silence when he'd ignore you and not force your company on him.

He wasn't even sure you were aware of his feelings until the night prior when the realization hit you like a speeder after his jealousy finally pierced his walls and controlled his judgment, forcing you in a bad position between him and his brother. He felt bad for tricking you of the sort, but he could never regret it. Finally, he saw you wearing something of his. It was one of his biggest achievement if he was honest. And most satisfying one for sure.

He got up, unable to watch any longer. As he passed, a whisper escaped your lips, your eyes were still closed, hand clutching tighter around the fabric prisoner of your grip.

"I've got you Cross." Your face scrunched up in discomfort pulling at his heartstrings.

He walked away despite his body aching to wake you up, to comfort you that he was still there and assure you that they were not.

________________

He was childish, he knew it, but his heart squeezed every time his eyes met yours. He avoided you as much as possible, not that it was difficult since you were stuck in your pilot seat, deeply concentrated on landing in a warzone deep into enemy territory and he was with the others, verifying their equipment one last time before the action began.

"Don't act like a kicked puppy. You made this." Crosshair rolled his eyes beneath his helmet, not moving an inch at Hunter's remark in the private line. "She likes you too, idiot. For a sniper you're unbelievably blind."

"Get your head in the game." He grumbled under his breath as you started your countdown until your quick landing.

He didn't want to acknowledge his sergeant's comment, but he deeply hoped that he was right. After all, the grey-haired clone had been wrong about you before. One last time wouldn't hurt.

_______________

While offering cover fire to his brothers, Crosshair decided that he'd stop being an ass and talk to you. His life didn't allow him the luxury to be dithering. He had to clear up everything and to do so, he needed to corner you alone. He thought it would have been easy, you tried to talk to him all day so all he had to do was wait for you to come to him. But it didn't happen.

After sending the ship into hyperspace, you fussed over the injuries on Wrecker's arms all the while berating him for being so reckless, forced Tech to drop his work on the new prototype that needed adjustments to force him to get some rest, and finally, you cleaned up after the mess they created at the back of the ship.

He watched you move around, picking up abandoned backpacks, open medkits, and bloody gauzes, his determination deflating with each passing second.

Before he knew it, you returned hastily to the cockpit to jump out of hyperspace and make your way to the republican planet.

You'd learned so quickly how to maneuver the ship, he sometimes forgot that you joined their team only a year ago. Although he did remember clearly the time when you weren't around; when the same routine would play over and over again without failing like a very boring record. You'd broken that record without a problem, adding your touch here and there, keeping them organized, making sure that they got their well-needed rest, reducing the tension with your harmless pranks and stupid jokes. He always loved his silence, but he'd never return to a time where you weren't there.

"You should go sleep." You mumbled, stretching until your bones popped. It was only then that he noticed how tired you seemed.

His hand shot out to your wrist when you made your way to the fresher.

"You're having nightmares again."

"No." You frowned on the defensive, pulling your hand out of his wrist, hurting his feelings by doing so.

As his teeth gnashed together, he was glad he didn't have a toothpick between them as usual. It would definitely have broken under the pressure.

"Bad liar." He turned around, knowing that if you weren't able to trust him with your nightmares, then there was no way what Hunter told him was true.

He himself wasn't the one so blinded with love that he started seeing it everywhere. He wasn't the one with whom you'd share your secrets or the one who knew the taste of your lips or the one to get to see you parade in his shirts before bed or the one to get to sleep next-

Too engrossed in his spiraling thoughts, Crosshair didn't think when his shirt got pulled. His hand moved on its own, too used to deal with Wrecker's annoying habit of trying to lift him by the back of his blacks. With a sharp slap, Crosshair successfully removed the hand gripping his shirt.

Before he even heard your yelp of pain, his brain made the connection. He turned around, eyes wide in surprise at his own attack, remorse flooding his chest.

He saw the pain in your eyes as well as the tears gathering in them. With your hands to your chest, you backed away in the fresher and locked the door before he even found his voice to apologize.

A lump formed in his throat, still not entirely comprehending what had happened, how he could have possibly let his jealousy blind him.

Again.

With tight fists at his sides, Crosshair made his way to the only place he could go. To bed. He made a quick job of climbing to the bunk over his sergeant's, making sure to repress his urges to accidently kick him in the sides and laid there over the covers, eying the ceiling, fists opening and closing around nothing.

He wanted to yell, kick, punch, shoot, get it out of his system, but all he could do was staying still, muscles stiff enough to hurt.

It took a while, but you walked out of the fresher, your light footsteps making their way to the barracks. He almost assumed you'd push Hunter over and cuddle close to him for security and comfort. He didn't anticipate at all the pull on his sheets.

Just to be sure that he wasn't hallucinating, he waited until you did it again before leaning over the edge. He couldn't see your eyes in the almost complete darkness, but he knew you could see him clearly.

"I hear them in my dreams." You paused, head moving towards the door. "And sometimes I can still see the Algax around the corners." He couldn't see you shiver, but the wave in your voice was clear enough. You were scared.

"Jump up." He didn't lose a second to move aside to make you some room.

He pulled the covers aside before you fully laid down on the mattress, enveloping your body in its safe embrace as soon as you stayed still on your side.

He hated the fact that he couldn't see your face and read your emotions. Or that he couldn't erase their memory of your mind. The silence grew longer and longer until finally, he had enough.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. It wasn't- I never-" He grunted in exasperation when words failed him.

"I'll forgive you if you hold me." He didn't lose a second at your weak voice, slipping under the cover to pull you close into his chest.

"I've got you." He kissed the top of your head as your body started shivering, from fear or cold, he wasn't sure. Probably both.

He gripped your waist and carefully flipped you around to switch places, putting your back to the wall instead of the black void, hoping that it would give you some reassurance. Instead, you merely hid in his chest.

His fingers combed through your hair, waiting patiently for you to either fall asleep or say something.

"Thank you." He almost missed it, the words muffled by his clothed chest.

"No need to."

"I do. You didn't have to." Your face separated from his torso, to peer at his eyes.

He felt your hand moving from around his waist to make its way up, towards your face. His breath caught in his throat at the contact of your fingers barely touching his cheek, the very first loving contact you blessed him with.

"I wanted to." He whispered back, hopeful that you'd get his intention so he didn't have to voice them.

"I'm glad." Your chilly palm rested fully on his cheek, relaxing his muscles despite accelerating his heartbeat. "On our next leave maybe we can go hang out together? Just the two of us?" You silently offered.

"I'd like that."

Biggest understatement of the millennia. He was delighted that you'd caught on his unsaid feelings and offered him some time alone with you.

As soon as your hand left his cheek he felt cold, already missing your touch.

"Goodnight Cross." Your hot breath passed through his blacks to tickle the skin beneath. You moved your arms back to your chest, forehead on his sternum.

He waited for a second, savoring the feeling of your real body cuddled against him. It felt even better than he imagined.

"Night."

He made sure to fall asleep after you, waiting until your breathing evened out before even thinking of drifting off. One last time he stroked your cheek, his movement as delicate as he could to not wake you up.

He let himself relax, a hit of a smile stretching his lips at the thought of going on a date with you sooner rather than later.

Maybe being second wasn't all that bad.

#bad batch x reader #crosshair x reader #hunter x reader #sergeant hunter #clone force 99 #clone wars #star wars #jealousy is in the air #but with a happy ending

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joonsdiary · 4 years

Text

worth fighting for (08)

pairing: jungkook x reader genre/warning: royalty au, historical au // humour, fluff, angst / tw: mentions of character death, alcohol consumption, playful!general jeon and over-thinker!reader is back, this chapter is me trying to juggle scene vs. plot, even more yearning, slowburn word count: 6,775

summary: fresh out of the perils of war, jungkook didn’t think that his task as the newly appointed general would be to look after you.

EIGHT.

Dawn arrives without sunlight, carrying along with it the crispness of the air that signals the finality of summer. It’s unusual for you to feel such coldness so early in the year, but that only means that you’re much closer up north than you are in the capital. Your home. The mere thought of residing within the safety of the palace seems foreign and unfamiliar; remembering specific details feels as if you’re looking into someone else’s mind instead of your own.

Home now resides in the carriage you sleep in for much of your travels, or whichever dense forest you decide to stop over and rest for a few days. Home is the warmth of the quilt Jimin lends you; it’s the food he and Miyoung whip up in a pinch when ingredients are scarce, yet manage to taste delicious. Home is embodied in the way Jungkook’s eyes linger far longer than he intends to, thinking you haven’t noticed; it’s his noticeable hesitance around you, always teetering on the ledge between familiarity and professionalism.

Home is in the callousness of his stern voice when he instructs you to move in a particular way as you struggle to carry the long sword with both of your hands. It hadn’t been anything like the one he had lent you previously; the current one is much heavier, evident by the way your arms work strenuously just to be able to hold it properly.

The grass blade’s morning dew permeates into your shoe-less feet and you wobble from your position as he kicks your left leg further backwards.

“Like this?” you ask, unsure of your position. It feels awkward and unfamiliar; the weapon does nothing but makes your arms quiver in pain. Jungkook clicks his tongue as he uses his index finger to lift your elbow slightly higher than previously. You grit your teeth as you hold back the uncomfortable throbbing of your shoulders.

He finally nods in approval and you relent, groaning in frustration as you drop the hefty metal on the ground. It hasn’t been an hour since he woke you from your slumber to practice, and yet your forehead is already beaded with sweat. It’s hard to resist laying on the ground when the soft gust of wind tempts you to do so. Jungkook watches, eyes filled with curiosity as you yield to your whims and press yourself against the cold grass.

“That was intense. I didn’t think you’d make me hold the sword up for that long. If I didn’t know any better,” you pause to gaze suspiciously up at him, “I’d think this was some sort of punishment.”

“I thought you wanted something intense,” he shrugs nonchalantly, but the action comes across as a terrible attempt at hiding the roguish grin crawling on upwards on the corner of his lips. Smug bastard, what little remains of your dignity as a royalty prevents you from speaking the thought aloud.

“Yes, but I didn’t think you’d lend me the blade you use. Whatever happened to the wooden swords?” you whine, watching as he picks up the weapon with ease.

“It’s not too heavy,” he examines the sword before offering it back to you. “And you need to build up your strength—your arms are too weak.”

You simply stare at him impassively, hating that he has a point.

“It’s unfair. You’ve had twelve years of a head start, so you can’t say things like: It’s easy, Your Highness,” your tone is childish. But he stays impassive, undeterred by your mockery of him.

A few days ago after your full recovery, he met you in the middle with a compromise, promptly suggesting the idea himself that you should get back to practice if you were still willing to learn. Of course, you said yes in a heartbeat. It seems Jungkook’s mood is dictated by the moon and you know better than to simmer on a decision for long since the tides might turn against you in an instant.

You hadn’t known at the time of agreement how serious he would take the whole ordeal, jumpstarting you far off from where you left last time. At first, you took the challenge head-on but after three days of gruelling lessons and drills, fatigue is beginning to settle nicely deep within your bones.

“All the more reason why you should keep training.”

“You are cruel,” you finally take the weapon from his willing hands as you push yourself up with a groan. “One day, I will snap and drive this blade straight into your heart. Please be aware that all responsibility falls onto you for any such actions hereafter.”

His expression morphs into a lopsided grin; the kind that steals precious oxygen right out of your lungs. The absence of the morning sun’s warmth is scarcely felt when he’s practically bursting at the seams with radiance.

“I’d actually like to see you try.”

“I’m serious, General Jeon.”

“So am I.”

The palpable challenge in his eyes vexes you enough to accept, doing so by wordlessly picking up right where you left off. You stand, but not without much difficulty, before bending your knees into position. It takes all your remaining strength to ignore the ache in your muscles that soon follows. Taking a deep breath, you step forward with one foot as you sling the weapon with all the energy you have left. It undoubtedly fails as your unstable hands drop the sword once again.

You groan as you land on the ground for the second time. You appreciate that he’s fostering your growth towards improvement, but a little part of you is still convinced that he’s doing this solely out of spite.

For what, exactly, you’ve yet to coax the answer out of him.

“Aw, is the princess giving up?”

Especially when he says the right words to rile you up.

“No,” you roll your eyes. It’s hard not to act silly when he invites such reactions from you. “General Jeon is just being spiteful. But I suppose that’s nothing new.”

“I’m merely following direct orders from you, Your Highness,” he extends his hand in an effort to help you up, but you brush it away with a scoff. “Your stubborn streak continues, I see.”

You prepare yourself for a barrage of snide remarks, or perhaps even a lecture about your feeble attempt to learn sword fighting when you shouldn’t. Much to your surprise, he sits across from you instead, tucking his legs neatly underneath him. He slouches forward, resting his elbow on his thighs as he places his chin on top of his palm.

“Um, what are you doing?”

“It’s unfair if you’re the only one who gets to rest,” he says as he mindlessly plucks several pieces of grass at once before opening his palms to let the wind take them. “Barking orders at royalty turns out to be an exhausting task. Who knew?”

You grin in lieu of a verbal answer, and he returns the favour with a soft smile. There’s a pause, and when you don’t say anything further, the lids of his eyes flutter slowly before closing shut. There is no question that he seems to lack proper sleep, evident by the dark circles and heavy bags under his eyes. You’re beginning to suspect that staying up well after dusk has settled in order to stand guard is beginning to catch up to him — certainly now more than ever if he’s cutting hours of slumber just to train you.

Your pulse hums unabated at the thought, and you have to quickly remind yourself that he’s doing this not due to his own volition, but because you ordered him to.

“Jungkook,” you make an effort to whisper as quietly as you can. You didn’t mind that he hadn’t heard you, you’d simply pretend you hadn’t called him out in the first place. His breathing stays even, and you smile to yourself; if there is one thing you’ll never grow weary of, it has to be seeing him simply be at peace. It’s maddeningly frightening how one person has the capability of banishing all your worries away, no matter how trivial they might seem.

If you weren’t in trouble then, you certainly are now.

Like a moth to a flame, your gaze lands on his lips, reminding you of the kiss you had so boldly initiated with him. What seemed like seconds at that moment feels like a lifetime when it’s embedded deep in the crevices of your memory. It appeared to be a good idea then, a quick way to dispel an itching curiosity.

Curiosities like: Would your attraction for him dissipate in thin air if you kissed him? Would he even try to kiss you back? Would it progress your relationship further? Did you want it to progress? Do you even have time to be thinking about all these things?

(The answers are: No, no he didn’t, no it doesn’t seem like it, maybe so, and perhaps not.)

Now that your concerns have been partially satiated, only regret remains. That very same foolish curiosity only brought an insurmountable amount of consequences you’d preferably avoid. You’re grateful Jungkook hasn’t asked anything yet; you hope it stays that way, for the sake of your well-being. It’s reached a point where it seems as if he’d much rather avoid than confront the topic, as well.

(But would it have hurt for him to care in the slightest? His non-reaction makes your stomach coil uncomfortably more than it should.)

“I hate you,” slips out of your lips unprompted.

“So you keep saying,” he mumbles, and you flinch back at his unexpected response.

You know the consequence of him catching you is nothing serious, but that doesn’t stop your heart from knocking steadily against your ribcage. “I thought you were asleep.”

“Me? Never,” he cracks one eyelid open as if to wink. With a sly grin, he says, “I’m always watching.”

“In any other context that would sound extremely repulsive,” he laughs at your displeased expression before he stretches both his hands up with a yawn. “Thank you, regardless.”

He shrugs in good nature as his arms fall back down, shoulders slackened. You thought you’d learned to ignore that part of you that tugs painfully at your heartstrings every time he smiles, but apparently, that’s not the case.

“It’s what I’m here for, right?”

That’s right, Jungkook’s not here due to his discretion. He’s here for a specific reason, tasked by the king to look after you and ensure your safe deliverance to the hands of somebody you’ve yet to meet. You’ve not forgotten the mere fact, but the almost month-long voyage only reminds you of how delusional you were to think that mulling your feelings for Jungkook would end anywhere but devastation. You even went as far as to put him in utter discomfort by giving into your foolish desire and kissing him, with a lack of remorse as to how he would feel afterwards.

“What’s wrong?” your attention collapses back to Jungkook, who’s now staring at you with confusion. “I feel like you’re always having some sort of crisis every time we’re conversing.”

You want nothing more than to grab him by the shoulders, shake him out of his boots and say, “That’s because it’s you. You’re the cause of my woes.”

“I feel like I owe you an apology,” is what you tell him instead. You’re unsure of how to begin when his attention is fully focused on you, and instead wish he were still half asleep. Perhaps then you’ll find the right words. “It wasn’t my intention to—”

“I knew it,” he crosses his arms and straightens his back with a newfound sense of confidence. Your eyes widen in surprise; have the not-so-subtle hints of your proclamation of affection been made known to him?

“You were the one who ate the remaining piece of red bean rice cake last night. Jimin told me it was him, but I had an inkling he was covering for you.”

Of course not.

“What?” you gape at him, trying to blink your anger away at his sudden accusation. “No, it wasn’t me!”

“Mhm, sure,” his nose wrinkles in discontent. “You were well on your way to apologizing but now you’re denying it altogether. Tsk.”

“I wasn’t talking about that!”

“I’m hurt, Your Highness. You know that’s my favourite dessert.”

You did know. That’s why you didn’t even bother eating a piece of it after seeing how much he prefers them.

“I was going to apologize for the unwarranted kiss I gave you, but now I’m not so sure,” you mutter. He must have heard what you said regardless of the quietness of your voice because he visibly deflates, back slouching forward and eyes seemingly bugging out of their sockets.

“W-what?”

You resist the urge to smirk despite your embarrassment at his change in demeanour; all his arrogance is chased out with a mention of one word. Although you’re unsure if you should act with such haughtiness in the first place. Your own heart, after all, feels as though it’s about to erupt from delight. So you continue, making sure to tread forward cautiously.

“I don’t know if it was right of me to do such a thing without your permission.”

For days you’ve been battling with yourself for the right words to say. You’re still unsure, feeling as though everything that comes out of your mouth consists of the wrong words to say. Yet at the same time, holding on to it doesn’t seem feasible. Telling him outright is the best option, for better or for worse.

You study Jungkook’s expression, or lack thereof, as he stares into the distance with an impassive gaze, mouth agape and evidently unresponsive.

“General Jeon?” you wave your hand in his line of sight. Nothing. “Jungkook?”

His gaze finally meets yours, but only for a brief second, before his eyes scan the vast surrounding. He clears his throat before idly rubbing the nape of his neck. You can gauge his struggle with what to say by the way his mouth opens without uttering a word, then quickly closing.

“Apologizing is not necessary. I mean…” he trails off, and you hang onto every syllable he says. Your expectations soar to unattainable heights. “You weren’t feeling well, to begin with, so I’m aware you might not have fully realized your...um, actions at that time.”

Your mood quickly spirals, bringing along with it your hopes. And your poor, poor heart, always bearing the brunt of your misfortunes.

In essence, you should have seen that type of response coming. There’s nothing Jungkook did, or said, which would have made you misinterpret his intentions. This has always been a one-sided charade from the beginning, fueled by nothing else but your disillusion. Recalling the way you had acted so wantonly before him weeks ago even before the kiss occurred feels silly and juvenile. If you’re ever given means and the power to reverse time back to that situation once more, you would, only if it means saving your past self from your present heartache.

“I wasn’t apologizing because I was half asleep and didn’t realize what I was doing,” you mutter under your breath with a frown. You’re apologizing for the lack of consent, not because you think you made a mistake as he interpreted it. The fact that he even thinks it’s a mere slip-up says all you need to know.

“Hm?” with his furrowed brows he leans forward, encouraging you to repeat what you’ve said.

“I said it’s good we finally cleared that up,” you heaved a sigh as you noticed a movement from the corner of your eyes.

“I had a feeling you two would be slacking off,” Jimin offers his hand, which you gladly take. He pulls you towards him and with a bright grin, you mumble a quiet thank you. Jungkook mumbles something but you give your outpouring attention to Jimin instead.

“I’ll have you know I’ve been hard at work for the past few days,” you cross your arms with a pout. Jimin grins as he gently pats the top of your head.

“I know, Your Highness. That’s why I’ve come to save you; General Jeon asked if I could provide a less brute lesson. I couldn’t say no,” he angles closer to whisper, “or else he’ll have my neck below a guillotine.”

“Hey, there was no intimidation of sorts!” Jungkook protests.

“Jimin, your new dancing master, at your service,” he bows. When he straightens his back, he tosses you a wooden sword, which you catch with ease.

“We’re going back to these?” you inspect the material, brows furrowed in confusion. Wasn’t Jungkook preaching to you just moments ago about having to build resilience towards brandishing broader swords? You glance towards the general in question and catch his gaze momentarily but he looks away while scratching the back of his head. You glance back at Jimin instead. “Also, you never told me you were skilled.”

“You never asked, and I never thought to share,” he grins, slipping one hand behind his back as he holds the weapon with another. “I’m teaching you a different method than the general did, so yes, we’re using these again. But only for a little while.”

You grip the object with both your hands and Jimin shakes his head.

“One hand,” he instructs sternly, and you chew your lower lip in hesitance. You relent, however, and point the sword towards him with your right hand. Its heaviness is magnified by the soreness of your muscles, but you grit your teeth instead of complaining.

“I suppose he grew tired of teaching me, since he asked you,” Jimin strikes swiftly above your head and you parried, albeit clumsily. Jungkook laughs somewhere behind you.

“He practically begged me to let him take over.”

Your eyes trail back towards Jungkook briefly, allowing Jimin to jab you on your torso. You push his sword off with yours as you frown, but he merely grins with glee.

“Eyes to me, Your Grace,” Jimin catches your attention with another stab on your lower shoulder. “You just died.”

Jungkook clicks his tongue as he folds his hands above his chest. The way he mockingly shakes his head puts you in a foul mood. “You’re always unfocused. I thought we’d gone over this before.”

“That’s because you’re the one distracting her, General,” Jimin says pointedly, and you nod in agreement before you realize what he said.

“Exactly! Thank you, Ji— wait, no.”

“I highly doubt that.”

You and Jungkook speak over each other, prompting you to face him with a scowl. Jimin merely watches with a bemused expression. “Miyoung was right, this is going to be entertaining.”

The following morning, it’s Jimin who wakes you before daybreak. He explains that it might be the last proper training you’ll have before you embark once more. It’s not like you’ll decline otherwise, so you do your best to rub the tiredness out of your eyes. You work to move with as little noise as possible so you don’t wake Miyoung, who’s still sound asleep, as you slip in a pair of unworn trousers lent by Jungkook previously. Because according to him it seems tough to move in a billowy skirt, which is something you both agree on without any argument (for once, it seems). The fabric is large, undoubtedly, but they weigh less than your dress; movement is not much of an issue as it had been.

Much to your surprise, it’s Jungkook you see outside of your tent, however, who continues to sport fatigued, sunken eyes.

“I thought the point of Jimin taking over was so that you can catch up on sleep,” you greet him with a soft nudge to his arm.

“I don’t remember that being the reason,” he replies with a lazy grin before running his hands through his dark hair. You belatedly remember that you hadn’t exactly pointed it out to him the day previous.

“Well, it should be. You’re in dire need of rest, General Jeon.”

“I’ll catch up on sleep when I’m dead.”

You know he means it in jest, as evident by the playful lilt in his tone, but there’s nothing amusing about imagining his demise. The thought of losing him, now more than ever, sends your stomach spiralling into intricate knots.

He frowns when you stay unresponsive, and inches closer before reaching up to pinch your cheeks. “Good thing I work for you as a general and not a royal jester. Or else the frown on your face would get me thrown in the dungeons.”

“I don’t recall permitting you to touch me,” you glower, but no effort is placed into moving away even an inch.

He stares at you in disbelief. “Who was the one that decided, completely unprompted, to put their lips on mine—”

You’re swift to place your palm on Jungkook’s mouth to silence him when you spot Jimin emerging from his tent.

“Did I interrupt something?” he looks between the two of you as he approaches. You free yourself from Jungkook and he doesn’t protest when you pull away.

“I was just telling General Jeon that he didn’t have to come with us so he could rest,” you give Jimin a strained smile before giving Jungkook a pointed look.

“Alright, as you wish,” it still surprises you, however, when he relents without much protest. “I shall not be a distraction, as you so-kindly point out I was being, for you this time around.”

He winks at you and gestures a salute towards Jimin before walking towards his sleeping quarters.

“Does he always do that?” Jimin asks as you both watch his figure disappear behind the tent.

“Do what?”

“Pretend to be all smug. I’m only speculating, but his ears were practically bleeding scarlet.”

You bite your lower lip to prevent a grin from spilling, but they curl upwards nonetheless. No matter how direct his words may seem or how rough he wants to appear, he still gets shy, after all.

It doesn’t take long for you to realize why Jimin refers to himself as a dance master, despite the name baffling you the first time you heard it. The man moves with such poise and grace that you would never expect in someone teaching sword fighting. It’s a skill no one possesses but him, and him alone.

When the afternoon arrives, you forgo resting altogether and push Jimin to use the sabre he brought along with him.

“Right,” he announces just as you deflect his oncoming blade with yours. “Right. Right. Left. Low. Left. Right,” he’s relentless in his attacks, not letting you breathe even just for a moment as he steps forward with each command. You move back, but meet each blow with calmness as you keep your left hand training behind you.

“Heads up,” he thrusts forward as you sidestep, swiping his sword with yours and subsequently disarming him. You point the blade, barely touching his neck as you huff with satisfaction.

“I win this round,” you announce with excitement, as you lower the weapon. Jimin claps in the wake of your triumph and you make the effort to amuse him with a bow.

“After losing seven in a row,” Jungkook points out. You wrinkle your nose in annoyance but choose to ignore his snide remarks; so far, your attempts to combat his presence as a distraction have been working. Hours prior, he arrived to convince you to take a break, but you refused when Jimin admitted he wasn’t tired yet, so Jungkook opted to stay on the sidelines and watch, instead. “You are picking this up faster than I thought.”

You finally turn to him, chin high with pride. “It’s easier since it’s lighter than your sword. And I actually don’t mind having to carry it with one hand as much anymore.”

Pain clambers from your back shoulder all the way to your right arm as you boast, but you repress the affliction with the grit of your teeth. You hope none of them noticed the slight change in your demeanour as you turn to Jimin.

“Thank you for being patient with me.”

“It’s an honour to be able to share my knowledge with you, Your Highness,” Jimin bows, but you’re quick to push his shoulders and straighten his posture back up.

“No need to be so formal. I should be the one who’s honoured. I feel quite embarrassed to not have known you possess such talent.”

His cheeks turn ruddy as he looks away. “Ah, well…”

“Yeah, we could have used your expertise weeks ago when we were attacked. Maybe I wouldn’t have been injured, then,” Jungkook adds, slinging an arm around Jimin. The latter huffs as he crosses his arms defensively.

“To be fair, I thought you had that handled, General,” he deadpans. “Thank heavens the princess was there to save us.”

The statement must have rubbed Jungkook the wrong way as he moved to place Jimin in an uncomfortable headlock. Despite the obvious disadvantage he’s in, Jimin giggles, whining about how Jungkook should learn to respect his elders. Jungkook relents with a chuckle and Jimin sulks, gently rubbing the nape of his neck.

“I knew I should’ve shared sooner, but I honestly thought you’d be insulted by it,” your brows knit in confusion at Jimin’s words, but you let him continue. “A lot of people don’t prefer this style of combat because it’s slower and often a defensive method. There’s a lot of waiting and anticipating the enemy’s moves. General Jeon’s style is more straightforward; you’re taught to attack, which is the usual training for our infantry. Also, the blade isn’t as impressive.”

You examine the steel in your hands — it’s merely a little more than the size of your fingers. You offer to return the weapon to him, and he takes it. “It’s much easier to wield, nevertheless.”

“That’s what made me reluctant, to begin with. I wasn’t sure if you were going to take offence simply because it might seem easier.”

You profusely shake your head in disagreement. “I can only hope to be half as skilled as you while emulating your poise.”

“I swear my ego is always being fed every time we talk, Your Highness.”

“If anything, you deserve all the praise in the world for being such a gifted mentor,” you hear Jungkook clear his throat beside you.

“It’s really the least I could do. After seeing you dedicate yourself, I couldn’t just stand by and watch idly, twiddling my thumbs.”

You grin shyly at his words, unsure of what to say next. It’s Jungkook who breaks the silence as he nods towards the direction of your campsite. “If you two are done flirting, I think Miyoung is trying to call Jimin.”

He quickly sheathes the sword and turns to wave back at her. “I almost forgot I was going to help her pack up before we embark tomorrow,” his attention returns to you momentarily, his smile mischievous. “It turns out you carry a lot of items with you, Your Highness.”

“H-hey, most of the items were bought along the way. I didn’t,” you pause when he runs off. “I’m demoting him from dance master back to a stable boy. I swear.”

“I highly doubt that. You can barely resist the man,” Jungkook mumbles impassively, and you chuckled in agreement.

“That I can’t deny.” You turn to follow after Jimin, but before you could take one step, Jungkook grabs your wrist tightly causing you to hiss in pain.

“You’re injured,” he murmurs, forehead creasing with worry.

“It’s fine,” you twist your arm to free yourself from his hold, but it only brings you more discomfort. You bite your lower lip to prevent a moan from revealing your true condition. You watch as he rolls your sleeve up. “I’m fine, General Jeon, I don’t need you—ack!”

This time, Jungkook allows you to pull your hand back, and you cradle it against your chest protectively. “Please don’t do that.”

“I barely pressed your skin.” He gently tugs on your arm and despite your early protests, you relent and let him examine your hand. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“It’s not a big deal,” you mumble as he drags your sleeve further up, revealing a newly formed mark on your forearm. Jungkook turns to you, eyes thinning to slits in an obvious look of disapproval. “It’s not! I’ll be fine.”

He grows quiet as his grip loosens, but he doesn’t let go of your arm completely. Gaze downcast, his thumb runs gently across the bruise, as if doing so would ease the pain.

(It does. Because for the briefest moment your attention is shifted away from your burning muscles and onto the singular point where his skin meets yours.)

“I’m not a fragile porcelain made simply for display, Jungkook.”

“Says the person who almost got swept away by the river.”

“That was one time.”

“One time is still too many, if you ask me,” his bottom lip juts into a pout. It took quite a lot of self-control not to giggle at his defeated state.

“As you said, that’s what I have you for,” your free hand finds its way up the top of his head to ruffle his hair. You feel his body go rigid upon your touch. “I’ll try not to get killed to make your life easier, don’t worry. That’s why I want to become stronger.”

Jungkook hesitates, before inhaling sharply. “You know that you don’t have to prove yourself to me, or anybody for that matter,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. The sudden seriousness in his tone almost gives you whiplash.

“What do you mean? I’m not doing this to prove anything,” you intend to keep your voice level to let him know you took no malice in his words.

His forehead creased in confusion, nonetheless, eyes searching yours. “Then what?”

Prior conversations with him play in your mind, persistent and foreboding. One wrong word could send Jungkook spiralling into the limbo between a stranger and someone seemingly only there because he’s bound by the duty to serve his country. The thought of laying down parameters for you to walk around each other is terrifying.

Therefore, you believe there’s no use in being privy to your fears anymore; not when you’re about to enter the lion’s den. “The same reason as before. I just want to be able to protect myself, and everyone for that matter, including you. That isn’t to say that I don’t trust you, but I want to be of use if there comes a time when—” you pause, unsure of how to continue. Jungkook’s worried gaze is unnerving, but he allows you to finish your train of thought. “Hearing your horror stories about the dangers that might be waiting for us when we cross that border…”

“I’m not saying everyone who lives there has evil intentions by default. I’m just relaying whatever information I’ve been told by the others.”

His statement makes you wonder even more why your father decided to ship off his only heir if they weren’t the kindest people, to begin with. Surely, he was aware of their reputation despite how diplomatic he thought the matrimony would be.

Jungkook continues. “I’m sure Min Yoongi is reasonable. I heard he refused to let his men get killed in battle, so they yielded. He probably agreed to this deal because he’s a pacifist, unlike his father.”

No matter how reassuring his words are on the surface, there’s still an underlying tone of uncertainty in his voice. It’s understandable because neither he nor you know what type of danger lies when you step foot beyond the safety of your kingdom. You couldn’t bring yourself to muster even a smile as a response.

Jungkook must have sensed your distress as his fingers slid down to clasp his hand in yours. The gesture might not be anything other than a mere consolation, but it’s enough to keep your nerves buzzing with intensity.

“I won’t let harm come to you. I promise,” the gentle breeze seems to heave a sigh, ruffling the fringes of his hair ever so softly.

You hold the weight of his words gently between the warmth of his palm against yours. In reality, no matter how much you try to shield yourself by swimming away, you’re caught by the hooks and reeled right back into him, always. The space he occupies within the confines of your heart grows infinitely larger each day that passes by, and you’re unsure if you should feel elated or terrified.

* * *

Min Yoongi reckons he has a great sense of proclivity for fortune without ever having to work for it; all according to hearsay, that is. He never quite understood where such sentiment roots from. The last time he checked, the inheritance rightfully belongs to him so any notion that he has to “work” for anything is moot. However, being within close reach of the throne does come at a costly price; one that is paid with people’s lives as currency. It seems that when one barters with Fate, Death comes tagging along.

The first victim is his younger brother.

During the tail-end of the recent war that passed, he catches wind of the crown prince’s demise and immediately orders his men to withdraw from their position of defence to return safely behind enemy lines. Retreating at the first whiff of danger is not his proudest moment, admittedly, but at the time he decided he wanted to be alive to see another sunset rather than being buried six feet below the ground to become a feast for maggots. As much as he’s a man of pride, he still values his life to a certain extent; at least enough to get himself out of peril.

It seems to be a backwards decision to the people of Tuo, but he is to assume the crown prince’s responsibility, therefore assuming the position to control what little remains of their infantry. The subsequent and constant deterioration of his father from an unmistakably paralyzing disease no one in the kingdom knew the cure of only brought about his hurried ascension to the throne. Yet, instead of being elated in the position he finds himself in, he’s inclined to feel otherwise.

And rightfully so, because the provision to him being a ruler includes marriage to a certain princess who heralds from the land which they sought war in order to stake a claim on.

His father, unbeknownst to Yoongi during the genesis of the agreement, promptly carried out a deal with the so-called scums of the South to unite the two countries together through matrimony. The inclination to roll his eyes is strong with such a clichéd premise.

“Even on your deathbed, you manage to make life a living hell for me. I commend you for that, I suppose,” he mutters under his breath, tightly clutching the neck of the ceramic vial that holds his rice wine. He’s well aware that his father couldn’t hear him from a safe distance. He isn’t even sure the king is alive at this point—for all he knows, the queen could be playing it up to prevent Yoongi from fulfilling the role of the king.

His father lays peacefully, bed surrounded by a thin, almost see-through muslin fabric. The canopy serves both as a barrier and a warning; unless you’re an experienced physician or the unfortunate chambermaid who has to look out for him, you should not pass through.

“You despised that your favoured son to inherit the throne died, making me the next in line. That’s why you’re doing this, am I right?” he raises his voice, unconcerned with the fact that servants and guards just outside the room can possibly hear him. “A matrimony I never agreed to.”

He’s unsure whether it’s a well-known truth among the nobles and anybody else living inside the palace walls, but it does raise questions in their minds as to why Yoongi hadn’t been the second in line to the throne after his father. But then again, nobody questions anything the Mad King did or said, not when he raised hell against his enemies in the South, and certainly not when he declared his second-born son as his successor.

Except for Death, of course, who’s seemingly the only true entity that’s able to cripple the king in his tracks. He likes to think Death is on his side and took away the bane of his existence, the stain in his claim to the throne. But then again Death also took the only person that matters in his miserable life, so Yoongi concludes one simply cannot have everything they covet. Perhaps he is lucky after all, and fortune will willingly land on his lap if he so wishes.

Too bad it’s not what he truly desires.

Yoongi takes a swig of his makgeolli wine, taking pleasure in the way the fiery water washes down the undesirable lump in his throat. He chugs and chugs, ignoring the excess liquid that spills from the corners of his mouth, as he desperately wishes for the goddamn ache in his chest to disappear. Once the ceramic decanter runs dry, he tosses it across the room and the chambermaid yelps in surprise when it shatters into tiny pieces.

A low chuckle emits from within his chest as his legs buckle from underneath him, bringing his knees down on the wooden floors with a thud.

“Do you really expect me to roll over like an injured beast and be receptive to whatever it is that you’ve planned for me?”

He didn’t think the people who they called enemies merely a few months ago would easily submit to such a fallacy for the sake of maintaining “peace”. But they immediately sent out the only heir to their throne, and without so much as a mere palace guard as a form of protection! Yoongi partially believes they’re more foolish than any palace jester he’s met, but the failure of the men he hired makes him conservative against such prejudice.

Perhaps dealing with their princess will be quite entertaining, after all.

“It’s a damn shame you won’t be alive to see what will become of this kingdom and its people whom you failed,” he hollers in between his unhinged laughter as he clutches his stomach. He swipes the spill on his chin using the sleeves of his golden speckled black robe. “Don’t worry, my only aim is to uphold your vilified reputation. It’s not like I’ll be doing anything sacrilegious, certainly not one that you haven’t already attempted in the slightest. After what you did to her, it’s the least I could do in return—”

“Sorry to bother, Your Majesty, but the queen has arrived for her visit,” the eunuch’s voice pierces through the closed doors, interrupting him. Yoongi hisses in indignation as he staggers to get up from his position. “Do you need a bit more time?”

“I’ll be right out, for fuck’s sake,” he manages to get to the door without stumbling over. The door slides open to reveal the eunuch in question, as well as the queen herself, in all her youth and glory, and the now noticeable bump on her belly. Yoongi doesn’t know how she managed to procure such a thing from his father, at that state, not to mention at her uncertain age to bear another child, but he digresses.

“Queen Dowager,” he slurs, choosing the name for no particular reason other than to draw ire from her. She finally shows her maturity when her forehead wrinkles in displeasure, showing certain lines that cannot be hidden by the flaked lead she generously patted on her face.

“What an abhorrent name to greet your mother,” she seethes and Yoongi couldn’t hold back his scoff. “Especially when the king is very much still alive.”

“Is he, though?” he points behind him with his chin mockingly, before his grin widens. “I’ll leave you to it then, Mother. Be careful though, he just won’t shut up. I could barely get a word in.”

Yoongi collapses on the floor when he takes another step, prompting the eunuch and some court ladies to rush to his aid. He waves them off with a mumble and a hand gesture, before pushing himself up using the wall.

“Sober up, will you,” the queen calls out from behind him. “Our guests should arrive tomorrow.”

The corner of Yoongi’s mouth curls up in delight as he locks gazes with the eunuch, whose face blanches with fright.

“Finally.”

— previous ; next ; series masterlist

note (edit): now that i don’t want to claw my eyes out from being sleepy, i just want to give credit to “game of thrones” (book one) for bearing inspiration to this chapter. again i hope you enjoyed reading ♡

taglist: @apurpledheart @koochiekoo @fan-ati--c @grandqueen1533 @awsome-small-k @novusluna @yodakoo14 @politically-acurate @bangtandongsaeng @taevkimchi @ausjeons @zxlummxxd

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenario #jungkook x you #jungkook fic #bts fic #writing #jungkook

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lapetiteshippeuse · 4 years

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The D. Gray-Man Rare Pair Week : Alternative Universe Extravaganza (Creature Feature)

Keyword chosen : Demons Format chosen : headcanon The Rare Pair chosen : Allen Walker and Road Kamelot

Hello everyone !

I am very happy to have chosen to take on the challenge of “DGM Rare Pair Week” ! This is my first time participating in a "DGM Week" and I am very excited !

For today, I have chosen to prove, in a headcanon, how Road and Allen could be a couple that could enters in the canon of events.

Two small things to specify first :

First of all, remember that as you have seen, the program requires a change of universe. However, I choose to keep the universe and the Hoshino canon. After all, the theme and keyword of the day seem to match, and @letspleasuretogether told me that everything would be ok ^^ So let's keep going!

Then, know that I am doing this out of pure fan service because I love this ship, but behind it I have found that making this ship canon is HARDER than you think. It was very hard to find romantic coherence. So much that, yes, I confess that there are some arguments in this post that I don't fully believe. I doubt it even enough. But again, I'm doing this in pure fangirl.

Here's how it's going : being a college student, I couldn't help but follow the classic plan to produce a plausible and cohesive and brilliant argument to illustrate an idea : introduction / development / conclusion. (note though that I won't be doing an introduction at all : I would introduce the characters there, and I'd rather not waste time with that, because I can imagine that any DGM fan here is pretty much familiar with the characters in this game, Allen Walker and Road Kamelot. Let's just say you're reading the introduction to this post right now!) I'll pick a timeline-style plan here, which will be built according to the sequence of events over time in the manga.

As a consequence, I prefer to warn you : this is gonna be a very long post ! I hope you have time right now ! If it’s not the case, you can come back later.

One last thing : please, be kind. I’m so tired right now, I gave very much time to write all of this, once again this is gonna be VERY long. So please, no insults, because you’re not a Roallen shipper. Thank you very much for that.

And precisely speaking of that, here is the main idea that I will illustrate ! Now let's start the development :

The Roallen ship is a combination of kindness and humanity, which distorts and intoxicates the relationship between the two characters.

Road Kamelot, antagonist.

Allen Walker, protagonist.

The two met as enemies. It is this enemy context that we will attribute to our first part.

And at first, we will see this humanity side of the ship, orchestrated by Road. Road’s humanity, which we will illustrate with one of her lines: " (I am) Just a human being », in the city backwards. This sums up the essence of this ship in one sentence.

The first thing that will surprise the reader / viewer is Road's hugging Allen.

First the shape, or what may already be visible. It's true that it's still disturbing : this is the first time that I have personally seen an antagonist hugs a protagonist, so close. Seriously, where did it come from? The introductions aren't even made yet, as Road tightens her arms around Allen. Then, the bottom, what does it say? "Do you feel this heat?" She will tell Allen about the softness, warmth and security that a hug can provide. She goes on to say that it is an emotional sensation that only a human being can experience. Her name is Road Kamelot, and she is a human being, and she is capable of tender gestures. This is her personal way of introducing herself. No, she doesn't seem to mean at first glance that she is sadistic, cruel, sociopath and psychopath at the same time. Her name is Road, she's a human, and she loves hugs.

Note also that when the fight ends in the city backwards, Road leaves without killing Allen and Lenalee.

Allen and Road's face-to-face (rather, back-to-back) makes it likely that there is only a yard between them and Road chooses not to end it just yet. (A little candle lightning in the heart, and then it's flaky !). But she's going to declare to Allen "I'll be back to play with you Allen," openly proclaiming that she would like to see him again (so no doubt about that). To hurt him again of course, but THAT’S JUST THE BEGINNING OF THIS SHIP’S STORY ;) Still, Road didn’t kill Allen, when the opportunity was too good. And this scene, where she chooses to miss this opportunity, there are quite a few that look alike like that! (But I'll come back to that...)

And Allen in all of this?

Well, because of his personality, Allen brings the theme of kindness to this ship and believe me, kindness is not without consequence.

Road : Are you intended to kill me ?

Allen : I must defeat you.

Road : It’s useless, you cannot kill me.

Remember that saving tormented souls is Allen's reason for living. He has it on his conscience if he can't save everyone (akumas for the left hand, humans for the right hand).

At the end of the city's fight backwards, you would think Allen would win the fight against Road by destroying the three akumas and without her being able to recover Miranda's innocence, or kill her, or kill the exorcists (by the way, I wonder what the character really wants).

You would think the fight ends on a score of Allen 1 - 0 Road.

It is not so.

In truth, it's an equality, ball in the middle (1 - 1).

Let me explain : in a bad, as in a good intention, Road scored a point, at the time of their last dialogue, while Allen points his innocence right at her, before she leaves by her door. She tells Allen not to shoot, and then explains why.

First, the bad intention : she reminds him that his hand being a weapon, that is to say implicitly that Allen, himself, is a weapon. Allen then remembers that earlier, when meeting them, Road confessed that a weapon was designed for the sole purpose of "humans killing other humans." This is pure provocation, to put Allen a little more beside himself : she calls him a murderer, when Allen is quite the opposite. On the other hand, also remembering innocence has no effect on Road, so right now is not the time to point his innocence at her. All she does is manipulate him. It is a double-edged sword. One point for Road.

Now, let's note the good intention our little sadist wants to send to the protagonist : if she tells him not to shoot, it's for a good reason. "You really have a heart of gold Allen," she will tell him. It seems like a warning, a limit for telling Allen he's going too far : by pointing his gun at her, he is pointing his gun at a human (as she introduced herself to him). But if Allen kills her, that makes him a murderer ; or whatever he isn't, and whatever he swore he wouldn't become. It might sound strange, but Road seems to warn Allen not to fall into the dark side. Not to be so cruel (she realizes that this is not his style, since he has "a heart of gold"). And that makes him reflect on his duty as an exorcist : an exorcist is not an assassin. She appeals to his kindness again. In this way, Road makes Allen feel a lot of things contrary to each other : she makes him doubt of himself but also allows him to question himself better.

Road must stay alive at the end of this scene : Hoshino therefore went out of her way to show the relationship between the two characters, why he shouldn't kill her, and that's what the characters are talking about, in this face-to-face.

Personally, as an anecdote, I find this scene much tastier in the French version (in the anime) : while Road is gone, you can hear Allen say "Shit". But in the French version, it says "Je t’attends, Road." that we can translate in “I’m waiting for you, Road” WHICH SHOWS THAT THE DYNAMISM OF THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ONLY BEGINNING !!! The duality is posited ; the staging and the atmosphere are at their peak during this confrontation, regarding the nature of this relationship between these two characters, brought to meet again.

Later in the manga, Road and Allen will meet again : first in the Ark, where Road is shown an attraction to Allen.

Then they will meet again in the neighborhoods of the American branch during the Alma Karma arc. This is where their relationship will evolve, this time in an ally context, which concerns them mutually.

Now getting back to Road’s humanity, I would first like to answer a quick question that many fans have : As Sheryl Kamelot asked Bookman, what was the nature of her relationship with the Fourteenth?

Many assume that these two characters shared a romantic relationship. This is a legitimate assumption. After all, Sheryl knowing that Allen Walker is the fourteenth and having noticed that her daughter seems attracted to her host, and knowing that he learns that the latter is partly the cause of her disappearance, Road having tried to protect him before he asks Bookman this question, it doesn't seem indecent to think that Road may have been in love with the Fourteenth. However (and this is only my personal opinion), I do not agree with this : firstly because, for a manga where the plot seems to become more and more complex, that would be a bit too much "easy". All of the sudden, that's what the mangaka wants us to believe, and what she's trying to tell us is "it's more complicated than that". Secondly, because I consider, as a reader, that Hoshino seeks above all to demonstrate that Neah and Allen are completely opposite characters in terms of personality :

Neah wants the destruction of humanity, he is a murderer ; Allen, meanwhile, wants the world to be saved, at any cost

Neah wants to become the new Millenium Earl ; Allen wants to destroy it.

Neah would kill innocent people to achieve these ends ; Allen cannot kill humans, even Noahs, his kindness and compassion are great

Neah is sadistic, devious and manipulative ; does not look like Allen

Finally, Neah seems to be just downright cold ; Allen is a warm person

Road did know Nea, well enough to know him enough to know that Nea and Allen are clearly not the same person. If a D. Gray-Man character gets it right, it's Road.

Besides, I think that knowing that Neah has taken possession of Allen, seems to upset Road more than anything else.

When she reads the paper certifying it (paper by the way that looks like an official paper, "formalizing" that Allen is therefore doomed to disappear), she becomes melancholy, following this news. As if she would have preferred, like Cross, that it had fallen on someone other than him. (That being so, a moderately valid argument, since looking at the paper, she mentions the fact that Nea tried to kill the Earl, and it would not be indecent to think that this would be what bothers her more than anything else ; but again, I don't think this reflects any love towards the Fourteenth - I think Nea was a beautiful person who unfortunately went wrong, kind of like Anakin Skywalker).

Likewise, a reply from Sheryl : "Road ? Is there a hint of tenderness in you voice when you say “Allen” ?" only fuels the potential attraction Road feels for Allen, as Road goes to ask the Earl: "...". She seems to be showing more and more concern for him.

Finally, it can also be remembered that in The Ark, Road told Allen that she would not hesitate to kill him if she touches a single hair in his family. Yet, in the rest of the story, it seems obvious that she cares about him just AS MUCH AS her family. Road wants to protect her family at all costs, because she has already lost her first thirty five years ago ; but Road, she also wants to protect Allen.

He and Road will first approach in another world ; memories of Kanda and Alma. Personally, I really like this scenario, because it gives an isolating feel to two characters who come together for the first time, before they get even closer in the real world. In the memories of Kanda, a world where no one can see them, she crosses the enemy line and joins him in the memories of the Japanese: while he almost gets swallowed up by the memory of Kanda, Road saves him the life, hugs him once again and reminds him of who he is so that he remains aware that they are in the past. She is particularly worried about him. But again, the opportunity is too good for Road to do away with the fourteenth : she could let Allen be swallowed up by Kanda's memory so that there is no fourteenth at all. But she leaves Allen alive. Again, it's probably to see Nea again, but again, I honestly don't think Road is in love with the Fourteenth. She looks at Allen, she knows that he's the one she's talking to, knows Nea well enough to know he's not Allen (she repeats "Allen" a lot of times in this scene, by the way).

Especially since I specify that she runs her hand through her hair, as a sign of affection, and that in general (and this is why I say IN GENERAL, not everyone does), it seems to be a love reflex, or very affectionate, more than just plain friendly.

Also, a certain ambiguous moment in the dynamics of the two characters is present, when Allen asks Road if the revival of Alma Karma is part of the Central Administration plan. The two are particularly close to each other (seriously, as a reader I thought they would kiss), and Road will give Allen a friendly look. The latter seems intimidated, as he probably didn't think she was capable of having any such feelings.

Additionally, Road is going to help Allen understand the Exorcists' Second Project, which is a key moment and element in this story arc, and therefore proves to be a very good ally to Allen. At this point, she doesn't seem mean and sadistic at all ; she will even help the hero on his way. And rather than showing that Alma's awakening is the work of Noahs, she especially wants to let him know that it is also the work of the Central Administration, to qualify what we are talking about here way of saying that the Noahs are not the only wicked).

Finally, to highlight once again the French translation of the manga, when Alma Karma comes out of nowhere and surprises Allen and Road when they are connected to Allen's memory, sound effects written in Japanese are inscribed. But only a French translation exists (yes I looked for it. No I'm not obsessed) : "Ils se rapprochent à vitesse grand V !”, which can be translated as “They are getting closer at high speed !" I have the feeling that this is almost the mangaka talking to us, if I'm not mistaken ^^. Or maybe it's a simple "instant ship" moment rather than consistency and a love canon.

Later still, Allen and Road are going to get closer in the real world, and there are only more and more emotions (therefore, drama) : first, when they meet again when Allen is imprisoned by the Central Administration in return of mission is attacked by Apocryphos, when Road enters in scene, the first thing she chooses to do, it is to take him in her arms, ONCE AGAIN. And that's not all : once again, she will produce an emotional, warm embrace and reassure Allen. In this rush, she doesn't seem to be paying attention to what Tyki, or her family, may think (he himself suspects something about not bringing Sheryl). And once again, the opportunity is too good to finish with Allen : she can let Nea continuing to metamorphose into him to finish it off faster with the fourteenth, but she does not. Because killing the fourteenth, is go back killing Allen. Choice that Road doesn’t want to see that happen, if it comes to.

And shortly thereafter, not only do we climb in emotion, but also in action, which produces more and more drama : Road will sacrifice herself and take a punch in Allen's place, to the point that it makes her disappear (that is, she must genuinely have tender affection for Allen). (Has Lenalee ever done this for Allen ???) Finally, before disappearing, her last words : Road is crying, for the first time she is very moved, and very vulnerable. She is therefore very capable of humanity.

This is where I'm going from the start of this second part : to me, it's clear, Road is in love with Allen. There is no evil or unhealthy manipulation technique, no cruelty, not even slight flirtation. There is even tenderness and emotion. Road doesn't want to lose Allen ; for me, she refuses the reincarnation of Nea in him, she chooses to protect him at any cost, even if she disappears, and does not care of what her family might think about it (Sheryl, Tyki). From there, it's not flirting anymore, but the birth of her loving feelings towards him.

To wrap up this development, we're going to revisit Allen's goodness, and this time focus on this evolved relationship and his “alliance” to Road, and most importantly, the fact that he can't kill her, he'll even tolerate her presence.

First, in the Ark, Allen chooses not to kill either her or Tyki, but rather exorcises them if he has to go through it (of course, what he doesn't know is is that we have to go through murder to exorcise them from Noah who are in them). This is what happens with Tyki Mikk, even if it fails. When Lavi Bookman comes to himself, he almost goes to the point of committing suicide by burning himself, but he chooses to take Road with him to death (though that also fails). Lavi stabs her, he knows he can go this far with an enemy ; but it’s a choice Allen couldn’t make (even Lavi is also going to suspect something, comically, after Road has been charred and disintegrated).

In addition, he also curiously tolerates her presence in the memories of Alma and Kanda.

She is even helpful to him, lends a hand to him, he's alive and that's because of her, she's even kind, and affectionate, even if Allen doesn't understand everything. She is even tactile, and he does not push it away.

There's a lot of tactile between Road and Allen from there, more than you would think.

It is mostly an intention that comes from her to him, unreciprocated at that moment, but he instinctively does not reject her. Between two enemies, when the status of friend / ally is not even formalized yet, but a rapprochement and a tactile effect is more present, I almost have the impression that it fits in the canon, in my opinion (let's not forget that this is just a headcanon).

The same with the Apocryphos bow: in his cell, and this time in that embrace, (and once again!) Allen lets himself go into Road's arms. There is even a comfort ... and a curious affection ... it's curious that anyway! You might even think he finds a rather tender emotion, like her. Later in his desertion, what I found personally disturbed (while it seemed rather like an insignificant detail, to me) was that Allen wears Road like a princess (like LaviLena !!!!). Of course, it seems consistent in terms of comfort : it would be easier to wear Road. But still…It figures that out this is apparently those insignificant details who are “weird”, you know...

What is most ambiguous in all of this is the following in his desertion : Allen is going to be worried about Road's unconsciousness.

He ends up asking Tyki why she doesn't wake up. Even Tyki seems to be less worried than Allen. Moreover, the Noah seems to trust her enough to take care of her on his own with the awareness that he must cover their escape with Timcanpy.

Again, Allen refuses, claiming that they are Noahs and therefore his enemies. But after a little morale lesson, Tyki disappears. In the end, Allen neither accepts nor refuses to enter Road. They are both ; she is unconscious.

Allen knows she is vulnerable ; and his gaze on her is also uncertain : which I find brilliant is that his left eye seems to offer a suspicious look, towards her.

And his right eye, a compassion look, because of her vulnerability.

Again, this is troubling.

And then we can remember Road's tirade in the city backwards : it could be cumbersome in his flight, but Allen cannot kill Road, because he knows she is above all human, even though he still struggles to realize it.

But not for long : when Road says her last words, she looks Allen in the eye, crying and talks to him. She says something to him which is directly addressed to him.

Most importantly, Allen is shocked : he never saw her cry, and he didn't believe her capable of that. Friendly looks, tears, of course Road is human like him (To use the Road quote sums it up). All this, before she disappeared : Allen sees that she was even more vulnerable than he thought.

And Allen shakes his fist : upset? Because he couldn't save her? Hard to say. Deep down, I think he knows she's not really dead. But here we have a failed act : the truth is that Road and Allen would have spent a long time together, Road accompanying her on her escape, but that doesn't happen since she disappears; a rapprochement, which ultimately does not happen.

So, what can we therefore conclude from this ship?

That in terms of reciprocity, we remember : that after a while, our two enemies employ the refusal to kill each other.

Then, that one is worried when the other is in danger.

Finally, that they are able to save each other, or come to the aid of each other, mutually.

This is already, I think, a great development. So I know what you're going to tell me : there is nothing romantic here, it's probably just a budding friendship. And you would be right to think so! Nothing tells us that there is a romantic future for the two characters (that would even strike me as quite inconsistent, given the current circumstances of the story). But, if you are a shipper at heart like me, you will have noticed this thing : this atmosphere, this staging, this atmosphere that the mangaka has chosen to adopt, which makes the reader work to imagine some love story (you know what I mean?) In the memories of Alma and Kanda, I find it rather blatant. It's that “stuff”, that something that reminds me of this potential romantic arc. But again, you would be correct in thinking that basically not ; I still think so myself (because Lenalee is around ; and sorry, but I don't ship AllenLena at all, no offense). But they have already shared their first kiss !!! You couldn't take it away from me !! (although it was not agreed)

And precisely, could we imagine the circumstances of their next meeting? Honestly, it was an exercise that I must have had a hard time doing. Especially since given the turn the manga is taking, I can't see how… But what I can assume is that, even if it could happen in a very long time, I don't see the fact that Hoshino decides not to do them again interact. As much as their relationship follows "progress."

By the way, don't you like this parallel that Road and Allen bear the opposite Christian scars of the cross-shaped stigmata of God and the satanic cross in opposition to their clan? ;)

Thank you for having reading !!

#d gray man #Road Kamelot #Allen Walker #ship #relationship #roallen #dgm rare pair week 2020

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after-anniversary · 3 years

Text

Here’s an L x OC story I commissioned from the wonderful @insomni-snacc! It is based on her story (and my emotional support fanfic) By Any Other Name, which you can and SHOULD read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596504/chapters/67510607.

---

Amelia was a woman of many names, a trait of hers that was only rivaled by L, himself. In addition to the many pseudonyms both detectives used, they had taken up a habit of imbuing each other with increasingly ridiculous new monikers, nicknames, and titles. It wasn’t uncommon for Amelia to refer to her companion as ‘Holmes,’ ‘Poirot,’ or the more childish and less creative ‘Frog-san.’ Likewise, L would often use any number of names for her, ranging from ‘Miss Adler’ to ‘Pecksniffan.’ (The latter being a reference to the double life she led)

There was one category they had never before encroached upon, however: neither had dared call the other anything resembling what might be considered a “pet name.”

But, they hadn’t been locked in a relentless game of flirting, before. In their need to be in constant competition with one another (and, quite possibly, as an excuse to act on some unspoken attraction to each other) they had decided upon a game in which the goal was to make the other party blush -- by any means necessary. For Amelia, this was easier said than done. Every time she tried to catch her opponent in anything resembling an amorous situation, she found herself feeling just as flustered as he was, if not more so.

For L, it was as simple as speaking French.

Amelia was utterly hopeless as far as the so-called ‘language of love’ was concerned -- which ironically mirrored her failings in romance, in general. Even the more widely known phrases alluded her completely, meaning she had to rely solely on inflection and context clues whenever L deemed it necessary to speak to her in the language.

At first, he only spoke French annoy her, but he observed a slight shift in her behavior when he slipped into the tongue. The nature of the language forced his natural baritone into even lower levels, something he noticed had a desirable effect on her: she would fiddle with the ends of her sleeves, avert her gaze, and abruptly change the subject. In other words, she was flustered -- or at least, that was his theory. And, as torturing the poor girl was the object of their game, it was only logical that he test his theory to its fullest extent.

“Ah, bonsoir, mon ami,” he greeted her one night.

(Translation: Good evening, my friend.)

They had not arranged to meet that evening after the task force had been dismissed. In fact, he had not asked her to stay behind for the past three nights, and yet she found herself standing in his door all the same. He surmised that asking the red-head why she was still spending her evenings with him, despite there being little work to do, would result in her becoming embarrassed and abruptly ending their late night visits. So, he didn’t bring it up.

“Are we really doing this again?” she groaned, already averting her gaze and toying with the edges of her sleeves.

“Je suis surpris que vous n'ayez pas pris le temps d'apprendre le français, tout bien considéré. Vous devez comprendre que je suis trop têtu pour arrêter simplement parce que vous me l'avez demandé.”

(Translation: I’m surprised you haven’t taken the time to learn French, all things considered. You of all people should know that I’m too stubborn to quit just because you asked me to.)

He stood and stretched. Sitting the way he did really took a toll on his back. The woman simply rolled her eyes, deducing that he was giving her some snide sort of explanation for his behavior, and took a seat on the couch a good distance away from where he stood.

“Whatever your reasons, I’m not going to be a very good conversationalist if I don’t understand what you’re saying. Is there any work tonight?”

“Non.”

This one was simple enough to understand without knowing the language. “Right, then. I don’t suppose you’d want to dance again?”

He shook his head, ambling over toward the sitting area. She sighed, sprawling herself out over the couch and grabbing a pastry from the ever-present spread of sweets on the coffee table. “Why, did I get a little too close for comfort, last time? Are you afraid I’ll win this round?” she said with a small laugh.

This was the opening he needed. He had noticed not only her reaction to his speaking French, but her ability to pick up on his general meaning based on his inflection. If she could interpret the meaning behind a simple ‘hm’ or a shake of the head, then French should be comparatively easy.

Let’s see if you’ll be able to detect my intentions, Amelia, he thought. And, if you’ll believe your own deductions once you do.

“La danse est assez agréable, mais je peux penser à de meilleures façons de passer notre temps.”

(Translation: Dancing is pleasant enough, but I can think of better ways to spend our time.)

It was practically a purr, and he laid it on thick. Amelia, having become used to picking up on much more subtle cues and inflections from the detective, was thrown off by such a drastic shift in his tone. She stared at him, jaw going a bit slack in surprise.

“W-what?” she said lamely.

He chuckled, taking his usual seat opposite her and grabbing a few pastries for himself. “Tu es mignon quand tu rougis, chouchou. C'est peut-être pourquoi je continue de jouer à ce petit jeu.”

(Translation: You’re cute when you blush, my sweet. Perhaps that’s why I keep playing this little game of ours.)

“Ugh, you’re impossible!”

“Et tu es adorable.”

(Translation: And you’re adorable.)

Even through a mouthful of sweets, the growl in his voice was enough to make the heat rise to Amelia’s cheeks. “I know what you’re trying to do, a-and it’s not going to work!”

“And what, exactly, do you think I’m trying to do?” Though he switched to English, his tone did not change. The corners of his mouth lifted in an unconscious smirk as he watched her fingers tighten around her pastry, nearly squishing it in her flustered state.

“You’re saying a bunch of embarrassing things to get a rise out of me!”

“Hm,” he mused, “you’re half right.” And he meant that, because while the game had been his main goal, he had enjoyed the opportunity to air his feelings candidly without the risk of being found out.

“Je pense que mon besoin de rivaliser avec vous s'est retourné contre vous. Je me suis mis à te harceler, et maintenant je t'aime un peu trop, mon amour.”

(Translation: I think my need to compete with you has backfired. I set out to pester you, and now I've grown a bit too fond of you, my love.)

“You’ve just called me a name, I can tell,” she accused.

“Indeed I have,” L agreed.

“And you’re not going to bother translating, I assume?”

“That would be correct.”

“You know I don’t understand French.”

“It’s a Latin-based language, the same as English. Surely you can work it out for yourself without me having to translate.”

L looked on as the gears began to turn in the young woman’s head with a satisfied smirk plastered to his lips.

Amour… so it’s similar to when he calls me ‘mon ami,’ right?

“I would expect a mind like yours to work this out much more quickly,” L teased, but she was too focused to respond.

Ok, Latin root time. What is the translation for the Latin root ‘am?’

“Or is it that you’re unwilling to tell me the answer?”

Oh.

Registering the sudden shift in her expression, L pressed her even further. “L'avez-vous compris, mon amour?”

(Translation: Have you figured it out, my love?)

But, the poor girl could barely speak. “I… I…”

“Oui, mon amour?”

(Translation: Yes, my love?)

“...You’re an asshole.”

“I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘trou de cul.’”

#death note #dn #l #fanfic #l lawliet x oc #l lawliet x reader

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saber-of-dreams · 4 years

Text

Dead as a Dodo (Birds of a Feather pt. 5)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

“Welcome home, Daughter.”

The heat washed over her first. And then the acrid, sulfuric smell. Raven didn’t bother to say anything. They’d played this exchange out many many times, and she was too tired to humor him. Besides, his over-pleasant tone told her everything she needed to know. Trigon was still imprisoned, and still trying to wheedle his way out.

Sometimes she thought she was being paranoid, for coming back to hell every single day. But then she looked up at the demon that had sired her and realized she probably wasn’t being cautious enough. Hadn’t Azerath been lesson enough for her? Weren’t her visions of that other life proof enough?

Raven opened another portal and returned to Earth.

The daughter of a demon seeking refuge in a church was the creme de la creme of ironies, in her book. But she had no where else to go. She’d considered trying to join the Titans, but she feared what would happen to them when the inevitable happened and her demonic father broke free.

She shouldn’t have approached Damian, either. But of all the memories she’d seen of that other life, it was the memories of him that had come with such powerful emotions. Respect on a level that was almost frightening. Trust so strong she was convinced even the literal end of the world couldn’t shatter it. And...love. Although, she had to admit to herself that the last one might just be her own wishful thinking. Probably her own unrequited feelings for him.

But she was an empath, and much as emotion for her were like trying to juggle chainsaws on a tightrope, she’d also spent the last who-even-knew-how-long in hell. She was emotionally starved. So when she’d sensed Damian’s familiar presence...he was the flame. She the moth.

Though, she had to admit even to herself, Damian’s brief flair of embarrassment and pure joy right after he’d offered her his hand was a positive sign. She sensed that he was probably just as drawn to her as she was to him. Perhaps they were both moths, then. Problematically, that made Trigon something like a metaphorical bug zapper. His coming would be the death of everything she’d ever cared about, and if her father learned that she had feelings for someone... She shied away from that thought.

If they could defeat her father though...she sighed.

Like Damian, she too had gaps in her memory. She remembered meeting him. Healing him after he’d provoked Blue Beetle in a stupid fight. But her last clear memory was of an encounter not long after that where he’d (sort of) thanked her for healing him, and then he’d mentioned seeing into her mind too, and the man he’d seen. Just recalling the memory made Raven shiver. Everything after that was a jumbled mixture of disconnected images and a riot of feelings that she had no context for.

Right now her sole hope was that she’d gained these memories early enough to prevent the end of the world. Surely now that she knew (mostly) what was coming she would be better able to stop it.

That night her dreams were fire and destruction and death. She woke in a cold sweat, to find she wasn’t alone.

“When I said I’d see you at 6, I meant pm.” She muttered.

Damian looked up from the copy of the bible he’d been scanning. “Oh I know. I had questions about why you ended up...here.” His eyes flickered over the bare room, the empty pews surrounding her.

“How did you know I was here?” She demanded groggily.

“I put a tracker on you, of course.”

Raven groaned and sat up. It was wwwayyy too early to be dealing with interruptions. She hadn’t even had...

Damian held out a plastic coffee cup. She wrinkled her nose, a refusal on her lips. Damian beat her to it. “It’s tea.”

“Oh.” She said.

“I remembered you wouldn’t drink much else. Hopefully it’s steeped long enough.”

She took the cup and took a tentative sip. It was a bit over-brewed, but she much preferred that problem to the opposite.

“So. How come you’re not living with the Titans. I noticed you dodged my question last night.” He kept his posture casual, his eyes on the page in front of him, but his interest in her answer rolled off of him in a wave.

She took a long, fortifying drink. Then she gave him the truth. “You know my father...what he is. I believe in that...other life...he escaped his prison, and that the destruction that he wrought is what brought the world to its knees. I think it will happen again. And when it does...I don’t want others to die fighting my battle.”

Damian scoffed. “Ridiculous.” He didn’t look at her. His eyes didn’t leave the page.

“What is?” She demanded.

“If you couldn’t defeat him with the help of the Titans and I would assume by extension the Justice League...you have no chance in hell on your own.” Damian snapped the book shut. “Besides. That isn’t the truth, is it?”

“Excuse me?”

“You aren’t staying away from them just because you fear for their safety. If that was the truth, you wouldn’t have even come to this world. But you are here, and you’re the one who reached out to me - “

“I shouldn’t have done that.” She admitted.

“Which means” he continued, ignoring her, “that you didn’t go to them because you were afraid of something else. I would guess you were afraid that they will remember more of this other life and that they’ll blame you for it.”

Raven looked away.

“Which,” Damian concluded, “as I said earlier, is ridiculous.”

Raven opened her mouth, but suddenly found herself incapable of forming words.

“No one can blame you for your parentage, Raven.”

“But they can blame me for the destruction of everything they hold dear. You don’t understand, Damian. This has been my destiny from the moment I was conceived.”

“Raven, the only person you’re destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Emerson? I had you pegged as a Thoreau kind of guy.”

Damian shrugged. “I like variety. Now stop deflecting. I know you’re afraid, but I swear I will be there every step of the way. And we can’t do this without the Titans.”

Raven looked at the stained glass windows on the opposite side of the church. The light that spilled onto the aisle was appropriately red. “I close my eyes and all I see is death. People I loved and innocents who were slaughtered for no damn reason at all. I caused the extinction of life on Azerath, Damian. I don’t think I can bear it here too.”

“Then we’ll just have to stop it.” He carefully placed the bible back into the holder in front of him and stood. “But before that, we’re going to go get breakfast, and then I’m going to see about getting you a room at my hotel.”

Raven stood up. “I can’t let you -”

“Do you honestly expect me to just let you live like this?” He asked, gesturing around them. “Really, Raven?”

She flushed. “It’s not your problem.”

“Your comfort and happiness is most certainly my problem. Now, let’s go. I saw a bakery a couple of blocks over with fresh-baked croissants.” He walked up the aisle, stopping about halfway to the door when he noticed she hadn’t followed.

Raven groaned, knowing a lost battle when she saw one.

To his credit, the croissants were delicious. And the tea was divine. But then he’d gone on to try to book her a suite the size of his own. She’d put her foot down, insisting that all she needed was a simple room with a single bed and a small bathroom in it. He’d equally insisted that she would be more comfortable in something with more amenities and space. Eventually the helpful (though bewildered) desk clerk had helped them find a compromise in a much smaller room with a large king-size bed and a massive bathroom.

He gave her a few blessed hours to take a scalding hot bath and rest in the comfort of her new room, saying he had other business to attend to. He knocked on her door at a few minutes to 6 pm.

“Ready?” He asked.

“Not particularly.” She muttered, shutting the door behind her.

She took him to an arcade that she remembered Garfield and Jaime being fond of. Damian looked around at all the flashing lights and loud noise and sighed. They knew that it was unlikely they’d find the Titans on their first go, so they knew that would probably have to come back a few days in a row. They played a few uninspired video games and then Damian demanded they go somewhere else.

The next place Raven remembered was a cafe that she knew Starfire liked to frequent for dinner dates with Dick Grayson. This was where she’d learned that Nightwing and Batman had been out of town. Starfire had come to pick up a to-go order. The clerk had asked her where her boyfriend was because he hadn’t seen him around for a while, and Starfire mentioned that he was on a business trip with his father for a few weeks. Raven translated that pretty easily.

But they struck out there too.

But fortune was with them, because as they were getting ready to call it quits for the night, they heard screams and loud explosions a few blocks over.

They exchanged a look and bolted for the source of the commotion. They ran opposite to the crowd, up a few blocks to the busiest part of the city. She was so focused on reaching her goal that she almost missed the ice. The entire city block was a sheet of it.

Raven gasped as she went sliding, grabbing onto a streetlamp to steady herself.

“Ugh.” She groaned. Farther up the street, Captain Cold was having a megalomaniac moment, covering every visible surface in sheets of ice.

She’d lost sight of Damian in the crowd, but she knew he was careful and could take care of himself. Right now her priority was to stop Cold.

Overhead a familiar green bird swooped into view, closely followed by a flying Beetle and Starfire. As they swooped in to neutralize Captain Cold, three other members of the criminal family appeared, engaging them.

Raven watched as Damian swept in, engaging Mr. Freeze while Beast Boy took on Killer Frost, Blue Beetle battled Icicle and Starfire went after Captain Cold. Raven joined her, teleporting just in time to throw up a shield and block a streak of Ice headed for Starfire’s head.

Starfire’s eyes widened when she saw her, but the alien princess’ attention was quickly claimed by their opponent. But between the two of them, they managed to subdue the ice villain. Behind her, Damian had already knocked Mr. Freeze out and Jaime had tied up Icicle. Beast Boy was wearing Killer Frost out. It wasn’t long before she too was subdued.

“Raven?” Starfire said.

Raven turned. “Hi, Starfire. Do you...do you remember me?”

Starfire smiled. “Yes. Yes...I thought it had all been dreams...”

“I think a lot of us are experiencing that lately.” She admitted.

A Tiger’s roar and Damian’s snarled curses shattered her brief moment of happiness. “Wait!” She cried, seeing Beast Boy and Blue Beetle starting to attack Damian.

“Stop!” Starfire commanded.

Reluctantly, the three teen boys looked up.

“He’s a member of the League of Assassins!” Beast Boy protested, pointing to Damian’s garb.

“Damian. Take off your hood.” Raven called.

Slowly, Damian did as she asked. Raven watched as the confusion and partial recognition distorted Beast Boy’s face as he tried to place the other. Jaime had clasped his head and fallen to his knees, groaning similiarly to how Damian had the day before.

“Damian...” Starfire said. She sounded relieved. Damian looked up, surprised. “You remember me?” He asked.

“Yes.” Starfire said, simply. “Though, I expected to see you dressed as Robin, not...as a member of the League of Assassins.”

“Who is Robin?” Damian asked.

“He...uh...doesn’t remember everything.” Raven explained. “We both have some pretty big gaps in our memories.”

“Yes, I feel holes in my own memories as well. Perhaps we should...compare notes?”

“That sounds like the best idea I’ve heard all day.” Raven agreed.

Damian sheathed his sword, but watched Jaime and Garth warily.

“I suppose some things never change?” Starfire remarked, following her gaze. The animosity between the three was like a charged battery ready to explode. Raven doubted they’d do anything, but she was still frustrated by the machismo. She’d hoped that they’d be past the grandstanding at least.

“I guess not.” Raven said with a resigned sigh.

#damirae #demonbirds #damian x raven #raven #rachel roth #damian wayne #robin #dcau #dc #jld: apokolips war #jldarkapokolipswar

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cafecitowriter · 4 years

Text

Peggy Carter Saves Infinity War

So hear me out. We always talk about how Peggy could’ve stopped Civil War and the Snap (which obviously she could). I’ve been re-watching the Infinity Saga with my friend before she goes back to work next week. We’ve gotten to the point where a week ago, we saw Infinity War, and then I couldn’t get this idea out of my head, of exactly how Peggy saves the day in Infinity War. Like seriously I haven’t been able to write because this idea has just consumed me and I needed to write something out if I wanted to go on with my life.

I might make this a full fic someday. We’ll see.

There are probably some plot holes in here since I am about to ramble from brain to paper without any editing, but just roll with it for my sake.

Insert your favourite “this is how Peggy got to the future” but for all intents and purposes, the Peggy I’m talking about here is also a super soldier for reasons. Also, Civil War never happened because of Peggy so they’re all friends yay.

Even just this little bit got kinda long so it’s under the cut here:

Tony and Bruce are still the only (official) Avengers right in New York when they come to get the Time Stone - except Peggy’s also there.

Wanda and Vision are on a romantic getaway type trip in Glasgow, while Steve, Nat, and Sam are close by them responding to something unrelated. So while they’re all friends, they’re still physically separated from each other.

I read a post once that said that Tony covers the people he loves in suits (Rhodey, Pepper, Peter). He and Peggy would have obviously bonded and become extremely close, so he made a (more subtle) suit just for her - though there’s nothing subtle about the colours on her suit matching the ones on Steve’s uniform. It’s nothing nearly as extravagant the ones he made for himself or for Peter (because she wouldn’t let him). It covers her body, has some thrusters on the soles of her feet that she can use to fly, and has an optional helmet that is similar to Steve’s but also has a clear portion that covers her mouth if she’s somewhere she needs to be fully covered. The suit lives in a red, silver, and blue bracelet that she can activate at any time. She’s never worn the full suit in all the years she’s had it, but he begs her to always have it at the ready just in case.

When they take to the sky, Peggy’s glad she actually listened to him.

As they’re going up, she and Tony have the same realization: it’s a one way trip. While Tony calls Pepper, she calls Steve.

He picks up in the middle of the first ring.

“You’re going up,” he states immediately, his voice heavy.

She’s not surprised that he knows. It’s all over the news - that she can hear in the background of wherever Steve’s at.

Which means he can see the space ship that they’re chasing getting higher and higher. She wonders if he can see her, too.

“Yes,” she answers simply, because there’s no way around it. As it is they’re almost out of time before the call inevitably gets dropped.

“Thanos is coming, he’s after the infinity stones,” she warns him.

“Vision,” Steve realizes at once.

“You can’t let Thanos or his minions get to him. You have to protect him, Steve.”

“I will,” he says firmly.

She couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t any easier being on this end of the call, but she had to keep it together. Steve was strong for her, after all.

“When I get back, I’m going to take you dancing,” she promises.

“8 o’clock on the dot,” he agrees.

“We can start with something slow,” she offers, and she feels the tears burning in her eyes as she finds her way into the damn ship. “We can start with our song.”

“I promise not to step on your feet.”

This time, he finishes his sentence before they get cut off.

While Steve, Nat, and Sam don’t get to Vision before he gets stabbed, they do get there sooner, so he’s not as in terrible condition. The earth end of the movie goes very similarly to the movie at this point.

Everything goes pretty much the same on the space side too - until we get to the team on Titan fighting Thanos. With Peggy’s help, Tony manages to form the plan to attack Thanos and things are going pretty well with the extra hand.

Then Quill comes along and allows his own grief to get in the way.

But this time, they have one more person to help. (And seriously I couldn’t help but think that entire time that they just needed one more person to deal with Quill so that they wouldn’t lose their grip on Thanos ugh).

Before Tony lets go, Peggy screams at him to keep at the gauntlet with Peter. She then drops her arms from where she had them wrapped around Thanos’ neck and tackles Quill. They fight it out because SERIOUSLY QUILL CAN YOU NOT WAIT TWO SECONDS.

He’s stronger than she thought he’d be - put she’s Peggy goddamn Carter and she isn’t about to let the billions of people die because of some petulant man child.

While they fight, Quill yells at her, tells her that she has no idea what Gamora meant to him, what he’s going through.

Peggy, of course, is one of the few people that probably understands what he’s going through the best.

While physically wrestling him, she tells him about losing the love of her life but not being able to mourn because it was World War 2 and they had work to do, lives to save.

She tells him that he needs to respect Gamora’s sacrifice and the only way to do that is to get the gauntlet off of Thanos and stop him for good. She tells him that she knows how hard it is, but he needs to be strong.

He owes the billions of lives at stake - he owes Gamora that.

Finally, the gauntlet comes off.

Thanos is now fighting back even harder, Mantis isn’t going to be able to keep him down much longer.

Peggy lets go of Quill and dashes to take the gauntlet from Peter because he’s just a child.

There’s a big mess as Thanos “wakes up”, throws them all off, and they play keep away with the gauntlet. At some point, Peggy gets it and she takes off in a mad dash/fly away from Thanos. During this, she sneaks the stones out of their slots without anyone noticing (where do you think Tony learned it from?) and she places them in the bag that Shuri made specially for her out of Vibranium - among other things. It is tear-proof, can be adapted to a different sizes and strapped to her body in multiple different ways. Peggy never leaves home without it.

(Context: Peggy visited Wakanda with Steve when he went to ask T’Challa to help Bucky. She and Shuri became fast friends because they’re two kickass women who have so much respect for each other and we love women supporting women. Ya’ll can fight me on this.)

Thanos catches up to Peggy and tears the gauntlet away from her. He then throws her violently in a random direction. Strange opens up a portal that she flies through.

(How he knew that she actually had the stones, well he’s Dr. Strange so).

Peggy lands (hard) in Wakanda during their big battle - right in the middle of the field. She’s disoriented, aching, and lying on her back, but she needs to get those damn stones to safety and this looks the exact opposite of that.

“Peggy?”

It’s Steve.

He’s bloodied and breathless, but dear god it’s her Steve.

He rushes to her and helps her on her feet. Before she can say anything, he’s kissing her bruisingly because he thought he lost his best girl but she’s alive and she’s here.

“Steve,” she gasps, pulling back, her fingers digging into his biceps. “There’s no time.”

“That’s because you’re late,” he whispers, still in shock.

“I have the stones,” she presses on.

“What?”

“I have four infinity stones on my person and I need to get them as far away from here before Thanos realizes I’ve taken then and follows me here.”

“We need to destroy them,” he told her.

“How?”

Still keeping one arm wrapped around her, he pressed his finger to his ear, speaking into the comms.

“Wanda, we have a package coming your way, be ready. Everyone else, if we want to win, we have to get Peggy to Wanda while keeping those things away from Shuri and Vision.”

Then there’s a whole other mess as Peggy rushes toward Wanda. It’s very similar to Endgame where everyone takes turns fighting with her (at some point she gets separated from Steve for a bit), covering her and getting her to her destination. (Also I want one of these people to be Bucky because she and Bucky were friends okay and they deserve a cool fight scene together).

At one point, her leg gets injured badly. Her thrusters are no longer working so she can’t fly and she’s alone. Cue Steve.

By the skin of their teeth, they make it to Wanda, Steve setting Peggy on the floor. They keep Thanos’ army at bay while Wanda destroys the stones and Shuri continues working. The battle rages on, but they’re starting to get the upperhand.

A portal opens in the sky. Steve, Peggy and Wanda look out the window, for a moment terrified that Thanos caught up to Peggy.

It’s not Thanos.

Well, not just Thanos, anyway. It’s Strange and Peter and Tony and the Guardians of the Galaxy and a one-armed, half unconscious Thanos. Without the Infinity Stones, they were able to team up and defeat Thanos. Strange never had to give up the time stone.

Thanos’ army realizes what’s happened, and they begin to flee.

With the extra time they bought, Shuri manages to get the mind stone out of Vision’s head. Wanda destroys that one too, for good measure.

After, they’re cleaning up the remnants of the battle, tending to the dead, to everyone else’s wounds. Steve is stitching Peggy’s leg back up and caring for her. They both know she’ll heal soon enough without his help, but Steve is still buzzing with adrenaline and energy and needs something to do with his hands and they’re not about to let each other out of their sights anytime soon.

Together, they watch Vision and Wanda hold each other, whispering sweet nothings and words of comfort in each other’s ears.

“You kept him safe,” Peggy tells Steve, who looks up at her with pained eyes.

“He offered to sacrifice himself when we figured out that our best chance was to destroy the stone.”

“It’s what we all would have done,” she agreed, her fingers now carding through his hair. “But you found another solution.”

“I thought about losing you when I crashed the plane. About you going up with Tony and Strange and the kid and the fact that I’d probably never see you again and... I couldn’t let them become us.”

“Funnily enough... in a way, they have become us,” Peggy told him, flicking her eyes to the pair.

Vision kissed the palm of Wanda’s hand, both of them still clinging to each other.

Steve tilted his head until he was able to do the same with Peggy’s palm, closing his eyes.

They won.

Once Peggy’s leg is healed and they’ve dealt with the fallout of Thanos, Peggy makes good on her promise to take Steve dancing.

#peggy carter #steve rogers #infinity war #infinity war au #peggy carter lives #steggy au #bamf peggy carter #tony stark #peter parker #doctor strange #this got wildly out of hand #mcu #avengers #steggy headcanons #peggy carter headcanon #andi writes

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anjuschiffer · 4 years

Note

Kiss 11, IzuOcha

Oh god! I haven’t written BNHA in like...months! Tho tbh, its a nice change of pace! Enjoy! :D

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Under Wraps [IzuOcha]

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Prompt: Kiss 11: Public Kiss - IzuOha

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Context: Ochako is at a press conference, talking about her latest deed - rescuing workers that were trapped in a burning enterprise caused by an ex-employee. While answering questions pertaining to the incident, reporters keep noticing that she liked to pick a certain reporter among the bunch.

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“-but seeing as we haven’t seen this new skill from you in your previous rescue, does that mean you’ve recently developed it?” A man around her age asked her, his pencil touching his notepad as he looked at her with anticipating emerald eyes.

Ochako managed to make her smile grow wider as she repeated the question to herself, all the reporters in the room noticing how her eyes softened. All cameras that were there quickly captured the moments, a few reports jotting this detail in their books.

It wasn’t the first time this occurred with the Zero Gravity Heroine.

It started four years ago, two years after her Hero debut. Ever since the rookie reporter -Deku- came into the scene, Uravity started to answer more questions, made her press conferences longer and convinced her agency to do more Q&A sections in her conferences that didn’t relate to the recent incident.

Everyone knew that Deku was the reason behind Uravity’s change, but they didn’t know how exactly. After all, what can a Quirkless reporter like him do to change one of Japan’s Top 20 Heroes?

Not only was he Quirkless, he had a horrible sense of fashion. Round glasses, a blazer and hat combo. And no, it wasn’t a fedora or a regular solid colored shirt. It was always, always, some type of hero merch.

Today’s outfit included Creati merch under his brown blazer. Yes, that simple red t-shirt was Creati merch, a matryoshka doll peeping from the breast pocket.

“Yes! Yes I did! I’m so glad that you caught it!” Ochako said with glee, placing her fingers together, making sure her pinkies didn’t touch. Despite having one of her pinkies covered by a single bandaid, it was still a habit Ochako did as a precaution. Old habits die hard after all. “I found out I was able to stabilize the amount of gravity pulling on a person a few months ago and only until this recent rescue was I able to show everyone the efforts placed into developing this skill.”

Ochako watched as the reporter wrote furiously into his notepad, not once looking down. She couldn’t help but notice the breton hat on his head, his hair peeking from under it.

If she remembered correctly, that was the hat he got from when he went to interview the Wild Pussycats. An anniversary report relating to the Waterhose Heroes. A very emotional read now that she remembered.

“And do you plan to keep working on your Quirk?”

“I do! After all, it’s how I perfected this skill.” Ochako looked down at her hands, clenching and unclenching them. She looked at the scars that ran across them, each one a story to them. She looked back up. “Who knows what other skills I have yet to uncover! The only way I can discover them is if I keep working on perfecting my Quirk to save everyone in my reach.” Ochako said with a soft smile, watching as the freckled reporter watched her with starry eyes through his round framed glasses from Creati’s new fashion line.

Red definitely complimented him.

“Seeing as we are running out of time,” the conference planner said, hearing complaints from the myriad of reporters in the auditorium. “We’ll allow one final question pertaining-”

“Is it true you have yet to find a partner, Uravity?” One idiot reporter yelled from the back, all the senior ones groaning in annoyance.

Who’s clown was this? Who forgot to teach this idiot that asking that type of question made a conference end earlier than intended? That it got rid of all opportunity on elongating the already short conference? And why did he think about that question now? Uravity’s Q&A was in two days. Two. Days! Why couldn’t he wait until then to ask that question?

As the conference planner tried to wrap things up, Ochako sighed, grabbing the microphone from her manager, mouthing an apology.

“Can the reporter who said that please come to the front?”

Everyone looked around as they wondered what idiot had asked Uravity the question of the status of her love life.

Everyone groaned as they watched Reo walk up to the stage, the man sporting a grin as he walked up.

Reo - Cupid’s Nightmare. Notorious for digging into every hero’s love life, as if his life depended on it. (It didn’t.) He would do anything to try and grab a scoop, especially when it came to single heroines, but everyone also knew that he had a thing for the anti-gravity hero.

He even admitted it during a panel when he was a guest at Tokyo’s Hero Con last year.

“My ideal girl? Probably Uravity.”

Ochako frowned as Reo stood in front of her, fully knowing where this was going. “Can you repeat your question?”

“I asked if there’s anyone you’re seeing, Uravity.” Reo stated, taking out his phone to record their conversation. “After all, you’re the only heroine in your age group that has yet to find a partner. Being 24 years old, everyone would expect you to be a relationship or at least been through one.” Reo let out a smirk. “Any guy would die to have you, seeing as you haven’t changed a bit since your highschool years.” Reo let out a chuckle before stretching out his phone to Ochako. “So tell us, are you seeing anyone?”

Ochako sighed, wanting to badly roll her eyes, but she knew that it wasn’t worth it.

She had heard of Reo through her friends, Momo and the rest of the girls had warned her about him. How they talked about him finding their old apartment addresses, how he would stalk them, how they had to get restraining orders for him and how he would pester them until they would give him an answer to satisfy his question and make them feel uncomfortable and at times unsafe.

She wasn’t going to let him get his way. Not against her.

“First and foremost, I find it very rude and uncomfortable that my body should be the sole reason as to why someone should ever date me.” Ochako started, her lips a thin line. She hated that Reo still had a grin on his face, as if saying he had finally cornered her. Oh how wrong he was. “But setting that aside, my answer to your question is yes,” oh how she loved the way Reo’s grin fell. How his face paled. “I am seeing someone.”

Gasps filled the room, reporters shouting about who the lucky person was as camera shutters attempted to drown them down. No one watched as a breton hat made its way to the side of the stage.

“As a matter a fact, the two of us are getting married.” Ochako said with a smile, internally grinning as Reo dropped his phone, his eyes wide. “In the timespan of five months, may I add.”

The room soon filled with applause and shouts that congratulated her.

“You’re lying!” Reo shouted, Ochako still smiling. She had already done her part, so she let him go on. “You’re lying! I would’ve known if you were dating some!” Reo blabbered on, not registering as cameras rolled, filming his every word. “You’re just saying this to-”

“Why would she lie about something she greatly respects?”

More clicks and shutters filled the room as everyone stared with wide eyes as they saw Deku on stage, his hand on Uravity’s waist, snuggly pressed against him. “Seeing as you’re her biggest fan, you would think that you would know that Uravity holds marriage with the utmost respect. Or am I wrong, Reo?” Deku asked, a smirk on his face.

“Deku. How-”

“How did I get up here?” Deku tilted his head towards the side stage. “The perks of being her fiance I guess.” The room once again ruptured into shouts.

“Stop lying. The two of you.” Reo gritted through his teeth. He looked at Uravity with round eyes. “Please tell us that you were lying, Uravity. That you were simply saying it so that-”

“-so that people like you would get off her back.” Deku cut off, frowning. “Look man, do you know how frustrating it is to hold myself back every time someone kept hitting on her? How hard it was to pretend like I was just another face in the crowd? That I couldn’t punch you for saying countless disturbing things to my girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend?” Reo asked, looking at the smirk on Uravity’s face. “You’ve never-”

“Interacted with her? Um, sorry to disappoint, but I have?” Deku pretended to count his fingers. “Have been for the past five years. We’ve been dating for the past four though.”

“How can that be?”

“Result of being an ace reporter I guess.” Deku provided, telling the truth. He also had his quirklessness to thank.

When was security going to learn to place barriers that kept everyone out and just not those with Quirks? Thanks to the flaw in the system, Deku was able to slip through Quirk detection barriers and since he didn’t have one, he was able to slip every single time.

“Ace reporter my ass. You’re just another Quirkless idiot who can’t do a single thing besides run after heroes, seeing as that the next best thing besides having a Quirk.” Reo crossed his arms, smirking when Deku frowned. “What makes you think that you’re capable of protecting Uravity. Of deserving her love?”

“First off, it’s called connections buddy.” Izuku smiled, snapping his fingers. Soon, security was escorting Reo out the room, Reo shouting insults at Deku. “Second, if she chose me, that’s all I need to know that I am worthy of her love.”

“You’ll regret taking Uravity from me, you Quirkless Deku! You'll pay for this!”

“See you in court!” Deku yelled back. “I also suggest you invest in a lawyer! I’ve never seen so many lawsuits against a tabloid reporter like yourself!”

As Deku watched the room quiet down, Ochako decided to speak up.

“Now that that is over, we would be happy to answer any-”

“KISS!” Someone from the back shouted, the other reports laughing at the request. Ochako couldn’t help but also laugh, only to stop when she felt hands cup her face.

“Izuku?” Ochako stared with wide eyes as she felt his lips pressed against hers, the clicks of cameras going mute as she melted into the gesture, pulling Izuku deeper into their kiss as she closed her eyes.

How long she had waited to do this with him. To announce her happiness to the world.

How she found love with the reporter who viewed her as Ochako and not only Uravity.

The reporter who managed to sweep her off her feet by simply asking her questions about her Quirk and work along with other mundane questions about her day.

The man who talked endlessly about his job and how he enjoyed learning about Quirks despite not having one himself.

The reporter who managed to keep Reo away from her and her friends thanks to his connections and collections of blackmail.

The man named Izuku MIdoriya, who proposed to her after having received her ranking of number 11, just like the hero she had idolized as a child and who heavily inspired her career.

As the two parted from each other, Ochako stared at Izuku, watching as he stared at her with dreamy eyes before a blush formed onto his face.

“I just remembered we are on a live stream.”

#bnha #izuocha #prompting anju #anju writes

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thebluelemontree · 4 years

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Hey, sorry to be a bother but do you know any metas about Driftwood and the mythological significance of have Stranger called such? If not, could you please help me find any metas about the importance of Stranger (the horse and the god) to Sandor's future? Thank you!!

It’s no bother at all. I love talking about this stuff. I don’t recall any other metas specifically on that topic, but I do go into the meaning of Driftwood/Stranger in Part VI of my Winds prediction essay for Sandor. I’m staying narrowly focused on your question here, but mythological significance branches out much farther and features heavily throughout each section of that essay if you have any further interest.

And the seventh face … the Stranger was neither male nor female, yet both, ever the outcast, the wanderer from far places, less and more than human, unknown and unknowable. Here the face was a black oval, a shadow with stars for eyes. It made Catelyn uneasy. – Catelyn IV, ACOK.

Of the Seven, the Stranger is the one most regarded with fear for his/her association with death and the unknown. He/she’s either depicted as a shrouded half-human, half-animal, or with a blacked-out void for a face. Sandor has that thematic aesthetic going on with his hound’s head helm, which gives him the appearance of being both a man and a beast. That is a reflection of the duality of his identity between Sandor and the Hound. He frequently enters a scene by stepping out from the shadows, so he also fits with the shadowy figure version. Sandor also isn’t one to allow others to know his true self, at least until Sansa, Arya, and the Elder Brother. Rarely does any worshipper pray to the Stranger as few are eager to invite death itself in, of course. It’s no wonder that the outcasts of society might identify with that lonely aspect of being an unwelcome presence and having nowhere to belong.

For Sandor to give his horse such a blasphemous name, it’s because he views himself as someone who is feared and misunderstood, and as an outsider who stands on the outside looking in at the world. This is especially true as he is immersed in the culture of knighthood but emphatically rebels against it. There is much of ordinary life that is closed off to Sandor, and it’s not all due to his trauma response and poor coping skills alienating him from other people. A lot of it is just unfair. His perceived ugliness in a society that overwhelmingly favors physically beautiful people and despises disability or disfigurement has hindered his ability to create meaningful connections with others. That resentment has only built up throughout his life. He’s a second son who is forced to make his own way in the world since Gregor is the sole beneficiary of the Clegane lands and incomes. It’s Gregor that got the home and wife (three to be exact), which is the domestic life that would normally ground a man, giving him a sense of purpose and satisfying his emotional needs. Gregor doesn’t care for any of that, but there is a hint that Sandor feels this is something that has been denied him. Since many people fail to distinguish Sandor as different from his brother, Gregor’s infamy and the rumors surrounding the deaths of his wives and family members really don’t help either. After the BotBW, Sandor is really cut adrift from society by his desertion. He’s unfairly marked as a craven, and then in a tragic case of mistaken identity is wanted for the rape and massacre of the Saltpans. That’s about as hated and reviled as one can get.

Like other instances of named horses being a reflection of their riders, Stranger’s nature says a lot about Sandor’s. He’s proficient in battle, brave, disciplined, but extremely ill-tempered, and dangerous; however, with gentle handling from a master that has earned his trust, he’s able to respond in kind.

The horse was a heavy courser, almost as big as a destrier but much faster. Stranger, the Hound called him. Arya had tried to steal him once, when Clegane was taking a piss against a tree, thinking she could ride off before he could catch her. Stranger had almost bitten her face off. He was gentle as an old gelding with his master, but otherwise he had a temper as black as he was. She had never known a horse so quick to bite or kick.

There’s a bond there. The horse isn’t just a tool or weapon to be used. Sandor cares for this big, scary boy that no one else can get close to. After rescuing Sansa from the riot, his next thought is to go back to find his horse in the chaos and fire. Because Sandor gave him the name, it shows that he has the self-awareness of how his issues and anti-social behavior have only served to increase his sense of isolation and cement other people’s negative opinions. The only reason an animal would so readily bite or kick indiscriminately is that it’s in constant fear of being hurt by people (*sob*). It’s possible Sandor recognized a warhorse that was trained with brutal methods, not unlike his own childhood and adolescence. One can imagine how much patience, kindness, and courage it took to bring such an ornery beast to the point where he can trust and reciprocate.

People are more complicated than animals, of course; however, this is definitely meant to mirror his relationship with Sansa and her gentleness, compassion, and courage in the face of his anger issues. Though not many are not keen on giving attention to the Stranger in their prayers, Sansa does pray for Sandor’s safety and well-being. The Stranger is the last deity people turn to for comfort, and yet Sansa views Sandor as her protector and ally. She wishes for his presence at times, even after seeing him at his worst. And I love, love, love this line from Cersei about Sansa, who is deep into the unkiss rabbit hole at this point:

“… but before I am done with her, I promise you, she will be singing to the Stranger, begging for his kiss.“ – Cersei IV, AFFC.

So that brings us to Stranger’s renaming to Driftwood, but first, we need to ask what exactly is the Quiet Isle? Quoting from Part IV of my essay:

“The Quiet Isle is also a place to cross over into the afterlife in more than one way. Sometimes the dead and dying wash up on the shores, as did the Elder Brother. Sometimes they are brought there like the Hound or the people of the Saltpans after the massacre to die or be healed. The metaphoric and most common way is for penitents to abandon their old lives to be reborn in a new monastic life. In a sense, the brothers on the isle are dead to the outside world. They don’t speak with few exceptions. Many cover their faces as well, obscuring their past identity. Their brown robes and cowls are like the dead driftwood that washes up there, but even driftwood gets reborn as beautiful polished furniture and cups. If you want to come on the Quiet Isle, you need Elder Brother’s or one of his proctor’s permission. There’s a ferry to the isle which is evocative of Charon. So that makes Elder Brother, like Garth Greenhand, a psychopomp. He’s a gatekeeper between life and death, literal and metaphoric, and can also return people to the world of the living. The imagery is evocative of the Elysian Fields and especially Avalon, where King Arthur was taken to recover from wounds sustained against Mordred at the Battle of Camlann and is destined to return from. ”

Driftwood was dead and washed up, but then it is collected, reshaped and polished into something beautiful with a new purpose in its second life. Driftwood in this context is a metaphor for healing and redemption.

“The furnishings were strange but simple; a long table, a settle, a chest, several tall cases full of books, and chairs. All were made from driftwood, oddly shaped pieces cunningly joined together and polished till they shone a deep gold in the candlelight.” – Brienne VI, AFFC.

Amazing Grace, How sweet the soundThat saved a wretch like meI once was lost, but now am foundT'was blind but now I see

I zero doubts that Sandor’s character is undergoing a radical and profound transformation on the Quiet Isle. He was broken down enough to be open to it when the Elder Brother picked him up from the shore of the Trident. Also kinda miraculous that Stranger must have allowed himself to be led by another person while Sandor was incapacitated; however, it’s obvious Stranger is never going to spend the rest of his days as a plowhorse.

Brother Narbert sighed. “The Seven send us blessings, and the Seven send us trials. Handsome he may be, but Driftwood was surely whelped in hell. When we sought to harness him to a plow he kicked Brother Rawney and broke his shinbone in two places. We had hoped gelding might improve the beast’s ill temper, but … Brother Gillam, will you show them?”

Brother Gillam lowered his cowl. Underneath he had a mop of blond hair, a tonsured scalp, and a bloodstained bandage where he should have had an ear. – Brienne VI, AFFC.

This makes me laugh because although I believe Sandor has learned to have a healthier mindset through humble service and meaningful penance, he probably has been a veritable pill through the process. As Stranger kicks and rebels, we should definitely conclude that Sandor’s time with the holy brothers is not permanent. Especially considering that the horse adamantly refuses to be gelded, Sandor will not be submitting to the celibate life of a monk. The new name likely won’t stick, because Sandor didn’t so much need a whole new identity, but to restore his original one. The Hound is dead, but Sandor Clegane lives, polished and remade with a new purpose to his life.

#valyrian scrolls #sandor clegane #sandor clegane meta #asoiaf meta #twow spec #twow theories #stranger #driftwood #the quiet isle #elder brother #mythological references #mythology in asoiaf #symbolism in asoiaf #sansan meta #asoiaf characterization #my meta

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