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formyparasocialrelationships · 12 hours

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Mental Health

A/N: From what I’ve gathered from his songs, Joost has BPD and PTSD. I myself have ADHD and PTSD, so I do resonate quite a lot with some of his songs, like I think many of you also do. So I’m going to delve a little into that for this one.

……………

Warnings: Mental health struggles, because for some strange reason I find comfort in writing about these things.

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Some days were just like this. It wasn’t everyday, but it did happen often enough for you to be used to it. Both for you and Joost. Some days it was just only one of you, and sometimes it was both of you. And sometimes, it almost felt too much.

Frustration, irritation and aggression could form quickly in your home on tense days. Both of you could become quite passive-aggressive, and there had been times where passive-aggressive comments turned into arguments. However, it was never a sudden explosion of anger and yelling. No, it was more common for the two of you to be grumpy, with a minor tension growing beneath it. But you were adults, with a long practice of communicating your feelings, before any explosive feelings would erupt. It wasn’t uncommon for either of you to spend time alone on opposite sides of your home, with either one of you expressing you needed some time to process your emotions. Joost in one room, either working on his music, or spending time on whatever media that had garnered his interest, while you were in another room, doing what you found comfort in. However this would rarely last longer than half a day, before either you or Joost found yourself poking your head into the other’s room, seeking some cozy attention.

Though you and Joost worked hard to take care of your mental health, sudden emotions would occur from time to time. It was normal, and you both knew it, and helped each other through it the best you could. There were days where your RSD would kick up, making you unsure whether or not Joost was still interested in you. And Joost did have those days where a minor criticism from you, such as something he was working on, would send his thoughts spiraling, fearing that you were planning on leaving him. You could see the panic flash before his eyes in those situations, and he could sense your silent nervousness was anxiety was eating you up from the inside. And each time, both of you found that spending time together was the best way to work through it. Putting your phones far away, and laying around in either the bed or on the couch, talking in soft hushed voices while playing with each other’s fingers. It worked wonders for the two of you.

If there was a time of day where both you and Joost struggled, it was during the mornings. Either you would oversleep, having given into the struggle of getting up. On the days where you somehow managed to wake up and stay awake, you and Joost would pep talk each other up, until it didn’t feel so draining to get out of bed.

Both you and Joost did things that some people might find a little strange. But to the two of you, and a vast majority of your friends, it was perfectly normal. Nonverbal communication, such as small sounds to express emotions, a lack of sounds, facial expression and changes in body posture. Those close to you would notice these things as well, but for the two of you, it was much more obvious. The small things you did, letting the other know that you needed some sort of comfort. Like when you started leaning slightly up against Joost while out in a bigger crowd, making him wrap his arm around you like it was a reflex, before making sure that you were okay. Need to go somewhere less busy in order to calm down? Just needed a hug? Just feeling cuddly? He would always make sure. And just like you would lean against him, he would lean against you, to which your reaction was the same. Wrapping your arm around his midsection, before quietly asking him was okay.

At times, your love language was a little different. Not to say that you didn’t shower each other with love in the form of hugs, kisses, affirmations, acts of service and much more. But there were also other ways you would do so. One of them being with memes and humor. At times, it wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to communicate mainly through memes, whether that would be sending each other memes, or quoting them in your day to day conversations. You had long ago lost count of how many times you and Joost have folded over yourself in laughter, unable to speak in anything other than Vine snippets or old YouTube videos. Like the time you were cooking together, and Joost randomly blurred out the lyrics to “chocolate rain”. That started a chain reaction of memes and laughter none of you could stop.

Another way your love language showed, was in the way both you and Joost worked to create a space, where both of you could be yourselves. No masking, no fearing of being different, allowing both to communicate your needs - even if it did cause some tension every once in a while, just like any other relationship. A good example was when you returned home to find Joost just chilling on the floor, eyes closed, having just gone through a dissociated episode, deciding that the living room floor was a good place to calm down, only acknowledging your loud hello with a small mumble. And how did you react to this? Well, like any well meaning girlfriend, you kicked your shoes off, hung your jacket on the hook, before you laid down next to Joost on the floor. None of you said a word, but just laid there. With a tender finger you poked his hand, as a way to ask if it was okay you were there. Joost answered by opening his hand for you, letting you intertwine your fingers as you continued to lay in peaceful silence, letting Joost work through what he was feeling at the moment.

Though you and Joost’s relationship could be tumultus at times, it was no less loving. Just like any other relationship, you and Joost would fight, often due to stress and overstimulation, but you also loved each other. Both of you did the work and walked the extra mile, knowing fully well how much work it would take when you first decided to get into this relationship. You never shifted the blame, knowing it takes two to dance a tango. But though it took a lot from both of you, you were happy together, fully intending to keep what you had built. Together, you had managed to create a space where you both felt comfortable, and where both of you actually felt like you were able to become better versions of yourselves.

#joost klein #joost #joost klein x reader #joost x reader #joostice #justice for joost #europapa #my friends decided to call him euro daddy #and euro jesus #if you're reading this joost #you're euro daddy and euro jesus now #i dont make the rules

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runabout-river · 1 day

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Yuji's accumulated Trauma

After Choso's death, I've been thinking about Yuji's reaction to it. At first glance, it looks mature and composed and obviously Yuji doesn't have the time and privilege to grieve. More importantly, Gege didn't give Yuji any panel time to be distraught; his aniki's death scene was over pretty fast. The 3000 Shibuya deaths in conjunction with Nanami's and Nobara's deaths on the other hand had been given more time and more impact afterwards.

The difference in reaction between those two times makes sense in context but, in my opinion, not with Yuji being mature and composed about it.

Because Yuji never got over Nanami's and Nobara's death, he didn't heal from that, instead, he had a negative character arc where the trauma of their deaths affected his world view and mentality in significantly bad ways.

He started to think of himself as a cog in a machine and he also identified with Mahito, the curse who killed both his friend and his mentor figure, a villain and his personal antagonist. Yuji did not overcome Mahito in Shibuya, the story makes us forget that often times. He was marked and changed by Mahito and even though that curse ended up with an extremely pathetic death that didn't mean that he hadn't broken something inside Yuji.

The only time where Yuji constructively dealt with that trauma was in his fight against Higuruma but that was only about his guilt over letting Sukuna kill 3000 people with his body. And it didn't get resolved completely, at least not in a way that would've helped with dealing with Nobara's and Nanaimi's death too.

Yuji is taking that trauma from Shibuya, his feelings of weakness and guilt, and he puts them into believing himself to be a machine that has to follow a predetermined path. Before Sukuna took over Megumi, that meant being suicidal when the situation called for it. Yuji wanted his life to make sense again and dying so Angel would've her wish of seeing Sukuna dead to save Gojo perfectly fit into that.

After Sukuna possessed Megumi, his path and role stayed the same except killing himself directly was off the table but that tendency still exists inside of him. If he were to be presented a way to defeat Sukuna while saving Megumi at the same time where he would die as a result he would take that path immedietaly without hesitation.

Back to Choso's death. In my view, this unresolved trauma and his lack of will to live lead to an unhealthy coping mechanism: thinking of his friends and allies as already dead. We can see that when he asked Megumi if Nobara had survived Shibuya.

He knew that there was a slim chance she survived but it was so low that she was basically dead. When Megumi confirmed her fate, Yuji was prepared for it. Prepared to receive the bad news so instead of crying again he could function like the cog he was supposed to be.

And this Mahito-infused cog mentality still follows him until now. He has to function so his role can be fullfilled and when that means he has to think of his friends as having already been killed so he would never break again then that's what he's going to do.

He did not despair over Choso's death, he despaired because it looked like he was alone and on the verge of defeat against Sukuna. His role was breaking just like his reason to live and I think that this mentality, his negative character arc, will find it's conclusion at the end of the Sukuna fight.

This fight is not the end of the manga, we still have the merger to deal with, there is still a big arc with smaller ones in between coming at us. But for Yuji something big has to happen, probably something pretty bad that has him crushed... at first.

At the end of it, he will finally deal with all his loss and his trauma in a good and healthy way and leave his life as a cog and being a human Mahito behind. Then he might finally shed the tears that were missing in chapter 259.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #sukuna #yuji itadori #itadori yuuji #ryomen sukuna #higuruma hiromi #meta #mahito #choso #jjk choso

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 days

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AITA for not being entirely negative about AI?

05/16/2024

Just before anyone scrolls down just to vote YTA, please hear me out: I'm not an AI bro, I am a hobbyist artist, I do not use generative AI, I know that it's all mostly based off stolen work and that's obviously Bad.

That being said, I am also an IT major so I understand the technology behind it as well as the industry using it. Because of this I understand that at this point it is very, very unlikely that AI art will ever go away, I feel like the best deal out of it that actual artists can get out of it is a compromise on what is and isn't allowed to be used for machine learning. I would love to be proven wrong though and I'm still hoping the lawsuits against Open AI and others will set a precedent for favouring artists over the technology.

Now, to the meat of this ask: I was talking in a discord sever with my other artist friends some of which are actually professionals (all around same age as me) and the topic of discussion was just how much AI art sucks, mostly concerning the fact that another artist we like (but don't know personally) had their works stolen and used in AI. The conversation then developed into talking about how hard it is to get a job in the industry where we live and how AI is now going to make that even worse. That's when I said something along the lines of: "In an ideal world, artists would get paid for all the works of theirs that are in AI learning databases so they can have easy passive income and not have to worry about getting jobs at shitty companies that wouldn't appreciate them anyway." To me that seemed like a pretty sensible take. I mean, if could just get free money every month for (consensually) putting a few dozens of my pieces in some database one time, I honestly would probably leave IT and just focus on art full time since that's always been my passion whereas programming is more of a "I'm good at it but not that excited about doing it, but it pays well so whatever".

My friends on the other hand did not share the sentiment, saying that in an ideal world AI art would be outlawed and the companies hiring them would not be shitty. I did agree about the companies being less shitty, but disagreed about AI being outlawed. I said that the major issue with AI are the copyright concerns so if tech companies were just forced to get artist's full permission to using their work first as well as providing monetary compensation there really wouldn't be anything wrong with using the technology (when concerning stylized AI art, not deepfakes or realistic AI images as those have a completely different slew of moral issues).

This really pissed a few of them off and they accused me of defending AI art. I had to explain to them that I wasn't defending AI art as it was NOW, because I know that the way it works NOW is very harmful, I was just saying that as an IDEAL scenario, not even something I think is particularly realistic, but something I think would be cool if it were actually possible. The rest of the argument was honestly just spinning in circles with me trying to explain the same points and them being outraged at the fact that I'm not 100% wholeheartedly bashing even the mere concept of AI until I just got frustrated and left the conversation.

It's been about a week and I haven't spoken to the friends I had that argument with since then. I still interact on the server and I see them interacting there too but we just kinda avoid each other. It's making me rethink the whole situation and wonder if I really was in the wrong for saying that and if I should just apologize.

#aita #am i the asshole

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getousatoruu · 1 day

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AND I AM BACK TO THE FIC REC GRIND BABY...Hope you enjoy them and give love to all the authors <3

Short fics:

he slips in to relieve the pain by weeb_grass (M, 3.3k, Complete)

Yuuji cannot sleep now that he's got another soul picking at him from within his own mind. Megumi keeps replaying the moment Sukuna ripped his friend's heart out. Both find ways to cope with the pain of emotional manipulation. "You stupid boy, Sukuna whispered into the deep crevices of Yuuji’s heart. You stupid, love-sick boy."

My Love Mine All Mine by darlingscurse (T, 8.1k, Complete)

“Not to worry, Yoshino,” Gojo announces brightly and while Megumi can’t see his eyes he feels them flicker to him for the smallest fraction of a second and something in his stomach drops. Oh no. “I just know what to do. Don’t you worry about that, your teacher has it all figured out!” Megumi opens his mouth, impending doom hanging over his head like a storm cloud, but by then it’s already too late, lightning has already struck. Gojo, the biggest ass in human history, flashes thumbs up in the round and then goes: “I’m sure our brightest little shikigami user would love to help you.” (or: Yuji comes back from the dead, comes back from the dead with a shiny new friend and Megumi is totally cool with that. Everything's peachy. Really.) PS: this one for all the people (me) who LOVEE Megumi absolutely loathing Junpei for no reason except the fact Yuuji befriends him (sorry Junpei)

kiss me not him by tamarsilan (T, 9.4k , Complete)

Still, her mouth had nearly hung open in shock at the news. “Junpei and I are dating,” Itadori had said with a smile on her face, holding up her and Yoshino’s intertwined hands. In their shared college dorm, Yoshino’s socked toes had dragged against their carpet, unsure. Fushiguro had been glad that she was sitting at the time. Between her hands the bunny-adorned coffee mug, Itadori had made her, threatened to shatter Or: Fushiguro Megumi and the five stages of grief

Conbini Kisses by Anonymous (T, 2.1k, Complete)

Itadori’s anger, Megumi can deal with. His silence, however, is torture. ————— Now they’ve reconnected, Fushiguro and Itadori have a much needed conversation.

The Brotherly Code by awkwardtypeos (T, 2.8k, Complete)

He sighs heavily, and looks his best friend dead in the eye, and finally delivers the news. “You cannot court Fushiguro. He is not worthy of you. I must ask you to put a stop to this.” Itadori blinks at him once, twice, several times, and then absolutely squawks, high-pitched and certainly not manly, “W-what do you mean? Todo that’s-that’s none of your business!"

sweet disposition by Nicolefrickle (T, 3.1k, Complete)

Itadori needs touched, and Megumi needs to heal

Long Fics:

you may bury my body by movequickly (M, 32.9k, Complete)

In all the worst ways, Yuji is just like Suguru. PS: I could not sleep for 3 whole days after reading this...this fic is intense i won't lie, the gojo and yuuji scenes are hard to swallow, gojo and geto scenes even more but all in all this also feels like a love letter to Yuuji

Saving You by earthtodora (T, 73k, Ongoing)

Yuji dies in the battle against Sukuna in Shinjuku. When he wakes up in the infirmary, he finds that he's in the past, before the events of the Culling Game, and the Shibuya Incident. Yuji must try to avoid making the same mistakes, and find a way to defeat the King of Curses and save the people he cares about. But first, he must find a way to deal with his own trauma and come to terms with the future he left behind. --- "Sensei," Yuji spoke up suddenly, snapping Gojo out of his thoughts. Gojo looked over at him. "Yes, Yuji?" "I want you to kill me."

tears of a tiger (there is no night without dawn) by rugbratz (T, 53.9k, Completed)

Yuuji understands that most people in his situation would be excited for the promise of tomorrow and what it may bring. But that’s not him. Yuuji can’t even begin to explain the conglomeration of emotions that he feels, but he knows that all of them are horrible and that he’s not ready. He never is.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #itafushi #yuji itadori #jjk itadori #megumi fushiguro #jjk megumi #fushiita #jujutsu megumi #megumi x yuuji #itadori x fushiguro #itafushi fic recs #fushiita fic recs #fic rec list #fic recs #ao3 fic recs #fic rec

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uriekukistan · 8 hours

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In Defense of Shoko in 261

to be so honest, i’m really doing my best not to come off angry while talking about this. but to me this conversation is not just about shoko, but about the way women are treated in media, and especially in shounen manga in general.

people are upset about the way shoko reacted, or rather didn’t react, to yuuta’s plan because it seemed too unemotional and uncaring. if she had shown emotion or protested, people would still be upset because she would be seen as unable to do the necessary thing in a time of crisis due to her feminine emotions or whatever.

this is the dilemma of not just female characters, but real life women. there’s never a right reaction.

additionally i feel that some of the things being said about her are expecting her to only exist as support for gojo, and not as her own character, which i see way too often with female characters in shounen manga.

in any case, i stand by my cancelled wife, and here’s my defense of her. spoilers below the cut.

Since when has Shoko ever been outwardly emotional like that?

if shoko is upset about yuuta using gojo’s body as a weapon, there is just no way she would outwardly object or show any signs that she’s upset. that’s not who she is and she’s shown that. there have been several times where she’s not displayed the emotion one would expect from her, so why would that change now?

when shoko sees geto, one of her closest friends, if not her closest, for the first time after finding out that he massacred an entire village, you would expect her to be feeling a slew of emotions. maybe confusion, maybe anger, maybe hurt, maybe betrayal. maybe even concern for her friend.

but shoko acts like it’s no big deal at all. she’s just seeing her close friend on a regular day. because she’s not the type to get outwardly emotional. whatever she’s feeling right now is kept somewhere else entirely, far away from the surface.

additionally, in the scene where everyone got frustrated that gojo didn’t react about nanami, we have this from shoko.

talking about geto. not reacting. guys shoko is just not a reactive person like that, and that’s totally fine. a lot of people are like this (including myself but thats not the point)

but that doesn’t mean the emotions don’t exist, or that shoko has no way of reacting or coping or showing that she’s going through anything at all. one way is through smoking.

smoking is something shoko picks up again before the shibuya incident, when the entire jujutsu world is growing more stressed with the increased presence of special grades, particularly the disaster curses, the incident at the goodwill event…and at shibuya, the situation was very high stress, yet she keeps a cool demeanour. the only sign that she’s upset at all is that every time she’s shown, she’s smoking.

the only times we’ve seen shoko’s feelings, it’s been completely internal. the most notable being this scene:

this is the most emotional we’ve ever seen shoko, and if you’ll notice, she’s completely alone.

shoko keeps her feelings well hidden from everyone, so it’d be completely against her character to outwardly show if she was upset by yuuta’s plan.

Since when has Shoko shied away from questionable medical/jujutsu practices?

shoko was eager to dissect yuuji after he “died” like it was some sort of science project and not a human being…please note im saying this as a completely neutral statement, this is not to say whether shoko is a good or bad person, just that she is and how she is.

sure, it’s a bit questionable that she’s looking at a dead teenager on her table and wondering what information she can get out of him, but at the same time, there could be useful information in yuuji’s biology that shows what makes him a successful vessel, at least as far as shoko is aware. useful knowledge that could be used to find another suitable vessel to continue killing sukuna’s power, one finger at a time.

she even says to gojo “who do you think i am?” when he tells her to make her examination of yuuji worth it, implying that this is a trait that those around her are aware of.

she’s practical and methodical, logically thinking rather than emotionally thinking, but most importantly, she’s not the type to display her feelings.

she’s exactly the type to understand the reasoning behind yuuta’s plan and accept it as a logical last ditch effort, and she’s also the type to store her true feelings about it away to process over a cigarette (or several) at a more convenient time. asking her to do anything else would be asking her to change as a character.

i hope this doesn’t come across as me being unsympathetic to gojo’s dehumanization and being turned into a weapon, i think it’s upsetting for sure (but i respect the narrative choice, i think it’s an interesting way to bring out themes). mostly, i think that shoko, both by the narrative and by the fandom, is only perceived in geto & gojo’s shadow, and i wanted to draw attention to her as a person.

i’m sick of reading the “shoko’s a cold-hearted traitor” comments on different platforms bc i think it’s not true, and i think asking her to act differently removes her autonomy as a character and forces her to be nothing but a supporting role to gojo, rather than her own character.

hopefully this makes some sense dkskld

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk leaks #jjk spoilers #jjk 261 #shoko ieiri #jjk shoko #ieri shoko #gojo satoru

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things-arent-what-they-seem66 · 1 day

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I have to agree with that other person’s small rant about Adam just quickly forgiving Lucifer (let alone Lilith and Eve) in shorts and fics. My ass got trigger no cap lmfao. Every time I read or see something similar, no matter the fandom, all I can think is “Oh no… are you the kind of person(writer) who tells victims to forgive because the cheater is so so so sowwy now but would feel betrayed if the situation was reversed?” Cheating in Adamsapple is treated so flippantly no matter the fic length. Cheating isn’t hurtful like stealing money or a car. It’s someone ripping a heart out and spitting on it then gaslighting a victim in front of friends and family. Literally tattooing how much they think the victim is worth onto their self image. Cheaters take so much when they finish having their fun and you cannot buy any of it back. Adam wouldn’t want to be in the same room as Lilith, Lucifer and maybe Eve or breathe the same air. No matter the bribe he would answer something like “I’m not gonna fucking go if [cheater] is there.” This would be hard for Charlie since she’s so big on forgiving everyone. ngl I don’t like her either since she’s a toxic peacekeeper and those are some of the worst people.

That being said, where is Lucifer coming to the horrible realization that the affair partner isn’t more valuable than the victim? Specifically realizing Lilith has something or someone to take his place and he has no idea who that is? I need Lucifer to realize emotionally what he did to Adam because Lilith never came back home. I need him to fall in love with Adam from afar just before he dies then revives the first man’s angel body with binding spells in a fit of deperation. Queue Lucifer groveling so hard that that white suit of his gets permanently stained. I love Adamsapple but ON GOD I don’t think people really understand how bad the situation is. Adam is sitting on 3 people betraying him back to back to back for at least 10,000 years. Time only fixes shit 50% of the time the other 50% is pretending you’re fine. If the damage is so deep in someone’s psyche there’s nothing anyone can do beside try not to aggravate the wound.

Make. Him. Beg. :D

Say it louder for the people in the back!!

Yes all three treated him like shit and no Adam shouldn't forgive him right away it wouldn't happen that way. He would make Lucifer beg and plead for his forgiveness.

Oh, NOW you love me? Fucking prove it.

#adamsapple #lucifer x adam #ask

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sitp-recs · 17 hours

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hey liv!! my gf moves back home and away from me soon its been an emotional time in our household do you have any drarry recs that involve them long distancing/waiting for the other to come back to them ❤️‍🩹 thanks for all your work appreciate you !

I’m so sorry to hear that anon, sending hugs your way. It’s tough to navigate long-distance relationships but I know you guys will find your way back to each other soon enough ❤️‍🩹 I hope these recs can offer you some comfort:

Relic Radiation by @tackytigerfic (M, 1k)

Draco goes into space, leaving behind his son Scorpius (who has just started at Hogwarts, at least), and his not-quite-boyfriend Harry Potter. But Harry can't stop loving Draco just because he's approximately 408km up, in constant orbit.

On Your Way by @lqtraintracks (M, 2k)

Draco waits for Harry to return from an Auror mission.

Mad Blood Stirring by provocative_envy (E, 3k) - AU

It's not like they've been angrily hooking up on the sly since meeting at a Juniors skills camp in fucking Manitoba four years ago, except that's exactly what they've been doing.

Litany by thistle_verse (M, 7k)

With the wizarding world on lockdown due to a magic-draining pandemic, Harry is stuck in Grimmauld Place, bored and alone—until the ghost of Draco Malfoy shows up to haunt him.

Service Bell by @shiftylinguini (E, 8k)

Draco is: a werewolf, living in a cabin in the woods, minding his own business, and never going to buy plaid because he's not that much of a fucking cliche (yet). He's also counting down the days until he sees Harry again.

i wake up falling, orphaned (M, 9k)

Draco’s always leaving, one way or another. Harry’s usually 240 thousand miles too late.

‘Til Our Compass Stands Still by china_nightingale (M, 9k)

Harry and Draco eventually realise that things don't always go to plan, even if it's a plan they've been carefully crafting to keep themselves safe from each other.

Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (M, 15k)

Every single one of Harry’s exes has gone on to marry the next person they date, and with the upcoming nuptials of numbers six and seven to each other, Harry’s feeling exhausted by it all. It doesn’t really matter if he lets people assume Draco Malfoy is his boyfriend for a moment of peace. In any case, Draco’s been away for five years and there’s no way he would find out, right?

Sunseeker by @shiftylinguini (E, 15k)

Harry is a struggling writer. Namely, he is struggling with: writing his next book, dealing with his agent, finding a decent tea strainer, fielding his friend's concern over the aforementioned book, and figuring out who the cat loitering in his garden belongs to. He also has a slight liking-Malfoy problem. Okay, he has a massive liking-Malfoy problem.

Unfinished Business by cupiscent (E, 20k)

Ten years after the War ends, Harry and Draco still haven't got their act together. But maybe it's not too late.

Just Give Me a Reason by sassy_cissa (E, 24k)

It's easy to misunderstand a situation when you're in the same country – when your new boyfriend is thousands of miles away, it's nearly impossible. Toss in an unexpected pregnancy, an ex-boyfriend and The Prophet with its exaggerations and it's no wonder Draco is confused.

Running on Air by eleventy7 (T, 75k)

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

Tapestry by @kbrick (E, 91k)

This is a love story that isn't perfect, about two people whose timing is never quite right, and all the moments that come together to make something extraordinarily beautiful anyway.

#asks #anon #Drarry reclist #long distance relationship

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thereminzone · 1 day

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WOW!!! FINALLY FINISHED THIS ONE!!!

This work used a lot of textures! Wikimedia was my best friend, particularly for the macro shot of the wing scales used in the backdrop (H. Zell, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons) and the photo layered over the barcode (Michael Hanselmann, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons). I think it lends a really nice mixed media feel to this :D

These two are the other two members of THREAT DISPLAY!!!, the fake band for my dnd character Helvia. Rambling about them below the cut for context! Warning, it's long. And probably requires the context provided by the post I made about Helvia.

As is made probably blindingly obvious by this illustration, I continued the name of naming/loosely basing the design on a bug with a threat display, in this case being the peacock butterfly, Aglais Io! It's a really neat creature, being one of the only butterflies as far as I know to have a drastically different pattern when viewed dorsally versus ventrally

Obviously I pulled this pattern as directly as possible for Aegis's (left) jacket, but it's also on the inner lining of Vanessa's (right) overskirt. It's better visible in the earlier basic ref for them:

They look awfully similar.. and that's because they are twins! That's a lie, actually, but it's what the marketing of the band wants you to think. In reality, they are the same exact model of robot, meant to look human in comparison to Helvia, styled differently. They kind of have a complex about this, as would be expected if you were created and saw someone with your exact face who you are more or less put in competition with, and also told that neither of you really matter? It's a gimmick at best. They're not meant to be the real stars here, so it's easier if the public can just lump them together and let them fade into the background. I can't stress just how unimportant these two were considered in comparison to Helvia- they didn't appear in much marketing, and when they did, they were treated more like props. They weren't given unique identities, no fake memories unlike Helvia, just set into this situation with the expectation that they should know they are not important, they are not unique, and anything they do should be to further support Helvia.

Ultimately, though, they are very different people, especially in how they felt about this.

Aegis more or less resigned himself to this, he didn't see the point in trying to fight it or change the situation. He tried to not make anyone upset, stay neutral, do what was asked of him without thinking about it too hard. Sort of dissociating king? I think he internalized the fact that he's not "supposed to be a real person", and it influenced his behavior. He can acknowledge the horror of his situation, but doesn't find the point in fighting it.

Vanessa, meanwhile, finds none of it acceptable. She hates this. She hates the fact that she is a product and a tool and not even an important enough one to be given a basic sense of identity. Giving very "malicious compliance", she can't do much, but she took every opportunity to make it clear just how much she can't stand any of this. She felt that Aegis was a coward, especially because he would always be there to condescend to her, saying it's in her best interest to give up any time she got in serious trouble.

They, predictably, had a pretty rocky relationship because of this. Indirectly pitted against eachother for any amount of minimal spotlight that wasn't going to Helvia in hopes of being given any sort of grace, they also had no one else to rely on? Certainly not any staff, and CERTAINLY not Helvia, there's no one else that understood the unique horror of their situation quite so much as each other, even if they responded in wildly different ways. They had eachother's back, unspoken. Aegis telling Vanessa to 'just give up' is equally an attempt to prevent her from getting hurt further as Vanessa telling Aegis to 'stop letting this happen to you'– they just think that their respective poor coping mechanism is the way to go, when in reality it just means they each continue to be hurt. Dude these guys suck. As much as the twins marketing thing is a sore subject, in a sick way they end up actually having a sibling-adjacent relationship, I think.

As for their relationships with Helvia? Arguably more complicated.

It's a mess. Nobody is having a good time, except maybe Helvia telling herself she's having a good time. The closer they were to her, the better shot they had at actually being treated like they were interesting or important by marketing, and it created obviously an environment that was Not Good! They each had tumultuous on-and-off relationships with her as was directly encouraged of them, regardless of how anyone actually felt. It doesn't help that Helvia herself treated them carelessly, obviously told that they were there for Her– and as someone who wholesale bought into the image she was created for, who was in denial about the fact that she was literally a product, she wasn't exactly receptive to any of their struggles. Aegis pitied her despite their similarities, while Vanessa pretty much wanted her dead. It's bad. It's sooo bad. It's messy.

As for what they're up to now? No clue yet <3 they've yet to appear and I kind of already have terminal brain illnesses about them, if the above paragraphs didn't make it already obvious. Honestly this was just me making half decent art of them to post as in introduction to them before I drop the uh. 12 page comic I made in a fugue state during finals week. So keep a look out for that, I guess!

#digital art #digital illustration #art #illustration #ocs #my ocs #oc art #dnd oc #oc: aegis #oc: vanessa #oc: helvia #I've been living in my brain spinning them around for a while instead of doing anything productive #if that isn't obvious

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tloubae · 2 days

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!Best-friends to lover Ellie Williams headcanon WlW!

I’m 100% sure Ellie is the type of person that don’t get emotionally attached with people easily, so when she met you it was strange, a immediate tuning.

So basically you two became bff pretty quickly, movie nights every saturday, she basically lives more at your place that at her own.

Everything changed when one day, you two were assigned at the mini-market of the old town, and when you were fighting some infected, from no where a runner assaulted Ellie pinning her down to the ground, her pistol was too far for her to reach. When was convinced that she would be bit by it, you showed up, blasting a bullet in the infected scalp. You tended her a hand and helped her to go back on her feet, “you good?” you asked, “yeah…” she said in a sort of scared mixed with shock tone but then she looks back to you, she sees your hair shining, your eyes glowing a little drop of blood running down to your cheek, you looked like a goddess. Ellie can feel her heart skipping a beat. She always thought that her best friend was really good looking but right now you look stunning. Seeing Ellie zooming out , you shake her up a bit “Ell?”; Ellie snaps out from her thoughts immediately, “y-yeah i’m fine”she says starting to blush a little; “okay? are you sure?” you asked seeing the suddenly change of tone; “i said i’m fine!” Ellie said looking away, “jeez chill out man” you said not understanding what was up with her.

From that day Ellie acted literally so weirdly, she can’t stand eye contact, she started to refuse to stay over your place for sleeping, when you come over to her place for movie night, she acts to shy. During the movie you in chill rested your head on her shoulder she tens up, you can see that she he squeezes his hand into a fist. It was so strange, one day is chill about everything, the next day she can barely looking into your eyes, it seems like she is avoid you.

You were so pissed by the all situation that you decided to go to her place. You stand in front of the door before knocking it “Ellie!. You can hear some muffle sound before a “coming!”. She opens the door, “we have to talk” you said passing through her. “What’s going on?” she says following you. You immediately turning around “you have to explain to me why you are ignoring me”, “i’m n-“ she tries to say but you interrupt her “you didn’t talked to me for three days straight what the heck!” you say clearly upset. “I’m not ignoring you, i just-“ “you what?!” you say getting closer “you what Ellie?”. Ellie looks down to the floor, “i just needed some space”, you feel a bit wound by her words; “okay so you thought that not talking to me was the right way to do it?”, “no i messed up”, “hell yeah you did!”. Silence came in the room, you seemed out from yourself “for what fucking reason you need space?” you say more calmly, “i need to figure something out” she says playing with her fingers, sign of distress, “it’s about our relationship”, you cross your arms “what about it?”, Ellie looks around not crossing your look, “i think i like you”. You don’t say anything, you have to process this information, your best friend likes you in a romantic way. “Ehm… i didn’t…”, “i know… gross right?” Ellie says in a rhetoric way; “no no! absolutely it’s not that!” you says trying to explain yourself; “No need really, it’s fine… forget it” Ellie looked down, she is trying to contain the tears. “Hey…” you says getting closer to her, you put a arm around her neck and the other caring her shoulder, “it’s fine” you says, she starts sobbing “i’m sorry”, she hugs you back, “shh it’s fine Ell”. After she calmed down you say “in fact i was going to say that i was fine with it… i mean i like you too, but i always thought it wasn’t in a friendly way… and i thought that you didn’t felt the same as me…” you say, brushing her tears away, and placing a gentle kiss on her lips; “there”. Ellie looks shocked at her, “we can work this out together okay?” you ask cupping her face, “okay” she says smiling at you.

Hi guys, this the first time I do something like this so be gentle 🥲, I know it’s kinda cringy but I'll get better I promise, as always if there are some mistakes remember English isn’t my first language!

Btw I’m searching for some Tlou discord server to join if you guys If you know one send me the link in the comments TY!

#ellie williams #lesbian #ellie x fem reader #headcanon #tlou #tlou2 #dina tlou #fanfic #ellie x y/n

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loveyourlovelysoul · 2 days

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Some days the fear of not being able to make it, of feeling like everything will go terribly and that nothing will ever change is really breathtaking. It's something hard to control. Your mind just keeps saying that specific word or reminds you of that specific event and everything, all your certainties and plans, seem to crash down like a sand castle. Overthinking, spiralling... are the only choices here.

But it's only a game your mind plays with you. It plays with your fears, it brings them up, cause that's the only way to stop you from actually getting what you want or moving where you want. Because here, you're safe: you know everything out of this situation, you know how you feel (even if you feel caged, hurt...), you know every small detail and that's somewhat safe. While if you want to go somewhere different, you don't know how things are gonna be for sure. And according on your mind, it's unsafe: as unsafe as those times in which everything went "bad" (was it really THAT bad? Or it's just how your mind remembers it to be? Cause you're still here, alive and breathing, fighting for yourself through the anxiety and floating over fears... you're more than enough, honestly). But the thing is: finding similarities (even a little one) with those times doesn't mean the result will be the same as back then. Thinking about how you were (made?) feeling like a failure, alone and not good enough after not succeeding at something, doesn't mean you're that nor that this time it will be the same. Exactly cause you're not a failure, you're not alone and you're good enough.

Think about all the times you didn't study much for a test (or the time you studied a lot). Did you failed/passed all of them the same way? I actually didn't. Not all the times I got As, not all the times I failed miserably. And that's because, for as much as we want to be in control, there are other factors in life that we cannot control. We don't even know of them sometimes tbh. And they can change it all (sure, for the best as much as for the worse: but why always focus on the worse when there's the other 50% of chances it will be good? Is it really worth to ruin our mood? To only give half of our effort cause "I won't make it anyway..."? What if we gave our best anyway and had no regrets however it will go?). We can only do our best with what we can control and just allow ourselves to see how things will be for real, without trying to sabotage the result "just to be right" about us not being able to make it (at times, when we put in only 50% of our effort, things may not go well exactly because we don't believe in them and us that much. We get what we give). Convince your mind it may be good to change and try something else. And it may go better than you can ever dream of. And you're not being naive. And even if this time won't be as good, I don't think it will be as bad as the cage you're keeping yourself into: even the smallest move towards where you want to go or what you want to feel will help you slowly reach it. Even if you won't make it at the first try. Allow yourself to try one more time. And another one too. You gave a lot of chances to others, don't you think you deserve as much too? Please don't give up without trying. Don't do it to yourself, you deserve so much more. Would you suggest your best friend to give up if they were in your place or would you believe in them and support them?

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muppetbyers · 1 year

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ive said it before i’ll say it again but just because el is brought up in mike and wills conversations doesnt mean theyre actually talking about el

#like its also simply the fact that they are having the conversations at all. that they are vulnerable with their feelings to each other #in low stakes situations simply because they are best friends and trust each other and Want to confide in the other.#the same cannot be said for mlvn and thats just the objective reality #so like. i dont see why this is seen as a valid ‘gotcha!’ for bylers. it is not.#also yeah will is in every mlvn scene and thats Still gay. like the subtext is skewed gay in every way idk 🤷#take that up with the duffers man… ‘every byler scene mentions el’ yeah and Whyyyyy do they do that Think w ur brainnn #this is like. queer subtext 101 #also the el mention in one scene literally being ‘i was worring too much about her that i feel like i lost you’… do i eveb have to day it #*even *say… damn #also so funny to say this when the van scene exists. The most textually obvious example of them using ‘el’ to talk about themselves #like u expect me to take this argument seriously when there is literally a scene where will used el name but is not talking about el at all #yeah okay lmao #uhm anyways #its late im tired sorry for being cringe about byler again.#goodnight and godbless #byler #mine

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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol · 29 days

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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃