#I feel it growing

[ditzybat]

tim with a knife in his hands: damian, step away from the computer

damian reading superbat fanfiction on tim’s personal laptop: i wanted to play roblox, but this is adequate writing, are you in need of a beta reader by chance?

#damian: i made art as well #tim: i don’t know how i feel about you drawing mild nudity of our dad and his friends #damian; grow a pair - a bicep is not nudity - and besides you wrote it #dc #tim drake #damian wayne #bruce wayne #clark kent #red robin #robin #batman #superman #batfam #batbros #superbat

[curioscurio]

I'm rewatching Steven Universe and I will never forgive Fandom for what it did to her

#also watching it at age 19-20 as it was released and experiencing the resulting clusterfuck online fandom response was a wild trip #im finally rewatching it again at 25 and really really feel lucky to have seen it at the age i did #i have completely different perspective on it now that i have 3 young nephews and a neice where before i was in college #the music is still as incredible as it was back then #and the animation #i cant beleive people got honestly and truly upset and violently aggressive about characters being off model sometimes #early stevens voice though kills me after awhile...... the yelling .... but his characters growth and development also being reflected in #his voice changing as he grows up #they also go crazy hard on some scenes #who am i kidding the show was a masterpiece and ahead of its time

[raynedayys2]

Normalize letting trans kids live.

Every trans child on this planet deserves to be safe & supported.

#text post #lgbtq #lgbt #trans #transgender #nonbinary #queer #gender queer #genderfluid #nex benedict #say their name & the name of every other trans people killed from hate #Nex deserved to grow up. And they deserved to feel safe at school. neither of those things will happen now. #when I first saw this story a couple days ago I was enraged to read that not only were they denied medical care they were also suspended

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[daz4i]

i’d like to think i’m funny 

#unlike the frankenstein playlist i'm not keeping this one up lol it's not going to grow beyond this #unless someone knows a song called ''i kinda feel like dancin' but i'm not sure'' or smth like that

[happyheidi]

𝖵𝗂𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗏𝖺𝗇 𝖦𝗈𝗀𝗁'𝗌 𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗌𝗈𝗆𝗌

1- 𝘚𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘈𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘎𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴. 𝘝𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘷𝘢𝘯 𝘎𝘰𝘨𝘩, 𝘈𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩 1888 2- 𝘈𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘉𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘮. 𝘝𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘷𝘢𝘯 𝘎𝘰𝘨𝘩, 𝘚𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵-𝘙𝘦́𝘮𝘺-𝘥𝘦-𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘍𝘦𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘺 1890 3- 𝘗𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘛𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘉𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘮. 𝘝𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘷𝘢𝘯 𝘎𝘰𝘨𝘩, 𝘈𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘈𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘭 1888 4- 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘖𝘳𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥. 𝘝𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘷𝘢𝘯 𝘎𝘰𝘨𝘩, 𝘈𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘈𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘭 1888

#look at his love for spring #how flowers grow - that they grow in the first place… #I feel like he showed them how much he appreciated and loved them by painting them #immortalizing them - even if just for himself #I’m rambling… #I just love his art am #cottagecore #vincent van gogh #nature #naturecore #flowers #flowercore #art #artwork #paintings #spring aesthetic #light academia aesthetic #classic academia

[salamispots]

dream from several days ago

#dream diary #artists on tumblr #flotsam diaries #sequential #...I said I was gonna sleep but that obviously didn't happen HAHA #anyways really happy that I was able to get the colors/vibes I wanted down fjhkgj :'D #a lot of nitpicking and adjusting hahah #also kororon/eve was on blast for the majority of drawing this hghhjf #alright good night/morning/something yall #edit: was thinking more and the feeling I wanted to get across I guess is like when someone voluntarily #reaches out to touch me/casually/platonically and it's like a 'you're touching me of your own free will??? o H' #because when I was growing up had a parent who wasn't physically affectionate/would kinda brush me off #and that uhhhh kinda internalized as I'm gross and therefore shouldn't touch other people #(lmao took covid lockdown and very good friends to basically destroy that feeling yay) #anYWAYS had feelings but didn't quite know how to verbalize it hahah

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using

#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for? #open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer) #maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel #once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs #i respected their commitment to the theme #but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities #dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton #ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered #i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it #aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment #honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet #letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already. #really i've put off my responsibilities long enough #(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings) #(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time) #(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.) #(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)

[cemeterything]

trying to teach myself emotional regulation after a lifetime of being taught (mostly through violence) that the only mature way to handle my emotions is to not feel them at all is i'll admit a little hysterical. every day i have to hold my own hand and go now are you going to be a big boy and acknowledge your feelings? it's okay if you don't acknowledge all of them but i need you to at least try alright? if you finish acknowledging your feelings we can go out for ice cream shakes later, how does that sound?

#🐉 #i refuse to let myself have the emotional maturity of an infant any longer but in order to grow up one must acknowledge #the little kid who never learned how to feel things without repressing them in their brain

[whollyjoly]

i want the whole SEASON of bucktommy

i want buck being wooed - flowers and being taken out and a little protective hand on the small of his back

i want to hear all the soft ways tommy can say evan and the look on buck's face when he does

i want to see them at tommy's karaoke trivia place because holy shit buck would love it (and didnt oliver say that we're getting buck singing this season cause uhhhhh)

i love that this is such a fling, such a happy thing for buck - he is finally feeling that puzzle piece click into place and it is freeing

and i cant wait to see all the small ways we see that play out!!!

let buck be happy challenge 2k24!!!!

#i'll never shut up about this i fear #i am just SO happy to see a happy bi!buck exploring what his feelings mean!! #just getting to be!! and grow!! and flirt and have FUN!!! #god that euphoria when you realize that its okay that you dont have to choose you can just *be* #its so fucking real and i cant believe i get to see it through the eyes of my favorite character #is this?? real life?? #fuck me up man #otp: better ways to get your attention #bucktommy #kinkley #tuck #? #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 spoilers #911 abc #911 on abc #im just so fucking shook i cant believe it #its REAL #em speaks #mine

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[crowleylesbian]

“crowleys gonna reject aziraphale in s3🥺‼️” crowley would walk on his hands and knees 1000 miles through a desert of broken glass for just the chance to hang out with aziraphale. be serious.

#me on twitter; wow this is some hot garbage… but i can’t stop scrolling #and now that people have found this post: believe me when i say that i sam crowleylesbian do understand all too well that it feels unfair to #crowley. i just think it’s unrealistic to paint him as the ‘scorched earth’ breakup archetype #when he’s clearly the divorcee who will never truly move on and maybe grows his hair out a little [for the love of god please this part<-]

[sweetfirebird]

I just read something about some fanfic readers on TikTok, mostly younger ones, are against AO3 because it doesn't recommend fic to them. As in, it doesn't track them and auto-feed them content using an algorithm.

I am sure it's not every younger fanfiction-reading nerd. But....

The generational divide between old internet and new internet users is so stark sometimes. Like. That younger people don't remember the individual fanfiction websites days... okay. I get that. Some of them weren't even born and time is time and it moves on. It's fine.

But to grow up with an internet where you do not get a choice, or not much of a choice, except to be fed content? Oh wow that's a yikes I've never thought about before.

Yeah, there's some filter capabilities but companies override that all the time with subtle little changes. Youtube recommends stuff constantly (often conservative videos even to me who has no history of watching or liking that shit). Twitter and Facebook got rid of chronological posts and even when you try to get rid of suggested posts, they come back. Instagram is basically all ads now. And then TikTok literally doesn't even ask you to search (and as I recall, their search function sucks), and you can like videos to change what you see *a little* but ultimately the algorithm will lead you wherever it wants.

That's so sad to grow up with that. Choice and searching and relying on your judgment and the recommendations of people you like... those are good things.

I am not like "oh those youths!" here. I am "fuck these corporations!" here. Look at this shit. It's not a rec list from someone you like and trust--it's what corporate has decided you should like. And a lot of these kids have not known anything else. That's scary and infuriating.

#tiktok #it's not the devil because tik tok vs vine or whatever #it's the devil because you cant trust who is running it #same for any social media #but if you didn't grow up as these things came into existence how would you know that? #ARGH #i feel like i am always screaming these days

[cracklewink]

Harmony Syndrome Part 5/5

The last chapter of my mlp infection AU! Thank you to everyone who followed along. Some final thoughts on my twitter @cracklewink if anyone's interested : )

#mlp #my little pony #mlp infection au #mlp infection #twilight sparkle #Sorry for leaving the ending open ended but I genuinely couldnt decide on just one way for things to turn out and I liked the idea of #leaving it open the most #in my mind sunset's final message is like we found a recording from the later days of the infection and we dont know what happened in the #end because the recordings stopped/ended #In any case I think they were able to put twilight and the others to rest #but who knows who survived the “final battle” and who didnt #also yes Twilight created harmony syndrome but not on purpose lol #it was the result of her botched attempt to create a spell that makes ponies immortal #obviously it backfired lol #and the irony is that twilight ends up dying before any of her friends #if they didnt want me writing my little pony horse tragedy they shouldnt have left mlpfim off on the note that all of twilight's friends #were growing old without her #ending thats been haunting me for five years #if anyones seeing this this is an open au btw so feel free to adopt any of the ideas if you like! : ) #tw thanatophobia #thanatophobia

[saltmalkin]

tiangou

#watercolor #artists on tumblr #illustration #wolf #my collection of watercolor rejects continues to grow but I feel myself starting to understand how this medium works #trying to get over the part of myself that says everything I post must be perfect #I made a lot of mistakes with this one but I really like where it went

[x3nshit]

“you have to work hard!” why? “so you can get good grades!” why do i need good grades? “so you can get into a good college!” why? “so you can get a good paying job!” so then i can use that money to do fun stuff? “no you have to save it for later!” why? “so you can survive and retire comfortably!” then i can do the fun stuff? “no, you’ll be too old so you have to take care of your health!” then when can i do the fun stuff? “in your youth, enjoy it while you still can!” but i thought-

#i feel trapped #desiblr #growing up #mommy issues #dark academic aesthetic #academia #dark academism #desi academia #desi dark academia #art academia #chaotic academic aesthetic #academia aesthetic #chaotic academia #wasted youth #wasted potential #wasted time #studyblr #mathblr #study blog #jobs #college #working hard