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moxfirefly · 3 years

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So I’ve been working on this for a little while now after a comment @supershiny-raven left on one of my post. I present to you:

How the others find out you and the turtles are dating.

Raphael entered the Lair with you in his arms. His brothers stumbling by him, Leonardo actually tripping.

The gang had gone to drink at Vern’s fancy penthouse, a round of drinks had turned to four and before anybody had common sense he had broken out his fancy wine collection.

That had truly been everyone’s undoing.

Yours as well.

Raphael the tank had pretty much only gotten buzzed, even more so upon seeing your state he figured he needed to somehow get you and everyone else home safe and in one piece.

“Where do we dump Donnie?” April had one of his arms slung over her shoulder while Mikey had his other, they had quickly found out the purple banded terrapin was a fan of wine. “Whatever is flat and comfortable, you think you can manage him and Leo?” Raphael nudged his older brother who had dozed off while resting against the couch.

“Yeah yeah brah, we totally-“ He unceremoniously let his brother fall on the nearest cot, poor April taken along for the ride. “Shit, sorry girly”

Raph shook his head, you groaned stirring awake and tightening your hold on him. Raph was basically carrying you with one arm beneath your rear. Making his way towards his room he gently placed you on his bed and set about the task of removing your shoes. “Hey hey mister, I got a boyfriend” You squinted at the large terrapin at the end of the bed.

“Yeah I heard, lucky guy gets to put ya drunk ass to bed, where’s your makeup bag baby?” He got up when you half hazardously pointed at the dresser.

Pushing yourself up a little on your elbows you watched him gather your face creams and a pack of makeup wipes. He sat back down but next to you and motioned towards his lap. “C’mere, let’s get your face off” You giggled when he manhandled you onto his thigh and took out the wipes. Slowly and in the most excruciatingly loving way Raphael set out to wipe off your makeup. Each stroke removing foundation and eyeshadow, you mumbled something he somehow understood in your inebriated state. “Yeah yeah I got ya kid” With all the careful dexterity he developed over time, he gently removed your eyelashes.

“Somebody has been paying attention” You giggled, feeling the buzz in your body shift into grogginess. Raphael looked inside the bag, adding some cream to your face to hydrate it. He examined his work, a lazy smile as he caressed your face. It felt bizarre he could actually do this, touch a beautiful girl and do something so silly as help them out with their face routine. The two of you had been rather quiet about your relationship, enjoying it all to yourselves.

“Ya were the cutest drunk at that party” He ran his knuckles across your chin, You smiled sleepily lifting up enough to catch his lips in a languid kiss.

The door creaked open and there stood April, her own slightly drunk face breaking out into a sweet smile. The two pairs of eyes that landed on her read ‘get out’ and ‘keep your mouth shut’ slowly April backed up nodding with a giggle.

Then there was a ruckus of what Raphael only assumed was April tripping and Leo drunkly laughing his ass off.

____________

Michelangelo

Oh he was screwed.

So insanely screwed.

How could he misplace something he kept on his person so diligently?

Mikey turned over everything he could in his room, currently he had done just that with the mattress but to no avail.

His phone was missing.

His phone with that very scandalous polaroid you’d taken for him.

Mikey had nearly passed out when you gifted him the picture and to his delight he had stuck the polaroid on the back of his phone in its clear phone case. He kept his phone on him all the time, sure he’d have to be a little sneaky about placing it down but he could manage.

Now though? He was about to have a coronary.

Okay, currently in this disaster there was no trace of it. This meant he’d have to scavenge the living room.

Where his family was.

Mikey swallowed and scurried out with a silent prayer that it would there.

Raphael and Leonardo were currently watching a basketball game. They seemed pretty engrossed and perhaps wouldn’t notice that he was scouring the ends of the earth for his actual girlfriend’s literal boobs. He peaked aglance at the couch, his large brothers had to take up so much space to make it worse.

“What are you looking for?” Came Donnie’s voice from the kitchen. The orange banded turtle froze, he tried giving him a nonchalant shrug. “Just checking how I can give Raph a wedgie ya know” Donnie raised a brow ridge, mug of coffee to his lips.

“I double dare ya numbnuts, the Knicks are down ten points and I’m pissed” Raph grunted as the opposing team landed another shot and Leo sighed exasperated with the outcome. His eldest brother got up thankfully which allowed him to take a look at the that side of the sofa. To his dread but relief there wasn’t anything.

Where the fuck was his phone?!

“Hey snot face, can ya order a pizza?” Raph grumbled as the game seem to worsen, a pizza could fix up his mood. Mikey frozen, mouthing a series of ‘shit shit shit’ as he frantically looked around.

“Oh man that would fix this terrible game, can you order it with extra bacon too?” Leo went straight to the fridge to grab something to drink. “Order some cheesy sticks too will you?” Donnie asked as he poured himself another mug of coffee.

Yes all of this sounded wonderful and his stomach did grumble but

HIS GIRLFRIENDS BOOBS.

Raph had scooted further to grab his own soda from the coffee table and just as he did he saw his phone. Relief washed over him but to his immense dismay and terror, the back of his phone was facing up. Which means the clear case he had was displaying the infamous polaroid he had been gifted.

You had simply asked him one thing.

‘Please don’t let your brothers see my tits’

It all felt slow motion, his eyes going wide, his hand diving to the couch and just as he did, Raph’s quick reflexes kicked in unfortunately and he turned to grab his youngest brothers wrist. “Ya ain’t giving me a wedgie man!!”

Raph’s eyes followed Mikey’s hand and then his eyes bugged out.

“Why are there titties on the sofa?!” Raph made for the phone but only got a face full of pillow cushion. He snatched the phone before it could be grabbed by anybody else. The red banded brute grinned as his brother hugged the phone to his chest. “Advert your gaze you perv!” Mikey all but shrieked.

“I’m not the one walking around with a titty pic as my phone cover” Raph grinned, just to make matters worse Leo and Donnie had gathered.

“Mikey why are you walking around with a random porn pic on your phone cover” Came Donnie’s disapproving tone.

“It’s a polaroid” Was all Raph needed to say.

The silence that fell was brief, then a series of ‘ooh’s’ sounded off and Mikey all but frowned and felt his cheeks heat up.

“No way! That can’t be...” Leo was incredulous. The relationship between Mike and you had remained rather on the down low. It was fun, a little secret away from the world that could stay between the two of you.

“Mikey, are you and y/n a thing?” Donnie asked exactly what the rest wanted to know but Mikey dreaded to answer. He sighed dramatically and tucked his phone into his pocket, shooting Raph a glare as his green eyes followed the motion.

“Listen dudes she made me promise that nobody would see that picture and I’ve already broken that cardinal rule thanks to this jerk face” He frowned at Raph, who in turn rolled his eyes.

“Well maybe keep the picture in your wallet or your room?” Leo sipped his soda with a matter of fact tone.

“Or as a background on your phone cause honestly man” Donnie smiled to himself when Mikey shot him an incredulous look. “Why’d she give you that?” Raph inquired sneakily with a smirk.

“For our three month anniver- AH YOU DICK” Mikey huffed out as Raph began to laugh, it was so easy to trick Mikey when one played their cards right.

____________

Donatello

Investigating could take a toll on anybody, even if by all means you weren’t a detective it still didn’t mean you wouldn’t find yourself researching and investigating crime. It seems to be part of the job description when you befriend four giant crime fighting terrapins.

In away you could help, you did.

Everyone had huddled around the living room, the coffee table littered with pictures, clues and all sorts of pieces of evidence that could possibly lead to the culprit they were trying to catch. You had set down a stack of papers, eyes already screaming for a break. Leo and Casey were at the kitchen talking, Casey had just clocked out and was reporting back what the nights investigations had gathered. Raph and Mikey were checking out the pictures Casey had brought over and Donnie naturally was researching on a laptop he’d placed there.

You had nudged him to come over and join the huddle, and secretly you just wanted him close. The two of you were dating, quietly and unannounced, but in those first few stages of just wanting to be glued to one another it was a little difficult to do said glueing.

On a few occasions with prying eyes preoccupied with their investigating, you had reached over to rub his cheek, his sleepy eyes spoke greatly of how tired he felt. Donnie had been at this already for a while, you’d been there with him along the way.

With a stretch of his arms, Donnie yawned and rolled his neck. The clock on your phone read 3:45am, he was due for a nap at the very least. “Why don’t you lie down, I can keep helping out here” You reached over again and took off his glasses, he smiled tiredly but shook his head. “I’m fine, I can keep going” Despite his entire body language screaming otherwise, Donnie would always soldier on.

By the time another hour passed, people consumed enough Coffee to give themselves an additional pulse (and somebody committed the mistake of giving Mikey said coffee) the investigation had died down. A few walls were hit but a few leads had come from it as well. Everyone was ready to call it a night (or morning).

Casey yawned, twisting his neck to let out a few pops. “Okay who’s staying and who’s coming with me?” By the sounds of April softly snoring against an equally happily snoring Raph, it seemed she would stay. Casey had a few hours of sleep to catch on before heading for his next shift and you had to preoccupy yourself with the same before tackling a night shift at your job. Donnie’s tired eyes expressed how he wanted you to stay over but he knew work was closer to your place.

“I guess I’m carpooling with you” You told Casey, already grabbing your jacket and bag. A quick hug to Leo and Mikey, a bow to a recently awaken Splinter and you were next to Donnie.

He’d been sitting on the kitchen table, arms crossed and looking closer to being k.o’d.

It was the sleep deprivation honestly, on both your behalves.

Because you had spread your arms for a hug and so had he, but your face had met in the middle and before either of your foggy brains could comprehend what was happening you had smooched him.

On the lips.

For about a minute.

Minute and a half honestly.

You both froze, the awake members of the family staring with raised brows. Donnie furrowed his brows, lips pursed in a thin line, you still had your own in a kissing motion.

“Well at least we solved one mystery tonight” Spoke Mikey with a snicker, Leo nudged him.

Donnie sighed by shrugged. “Not exactly how I wanted to announce this so yup, I’m her boyfriend, she’s my girlfriend, please hold all inquires for a later time when I’m actually awake” He pulled you in again for a hug, and another kiss (greedy boy) and instructed Casey to deliver you home safely.

With a blush but albeit happy look on your face you waved everyone off.

___________

Leonardo

Keeping a relationship quiet had never proven to be so difficult. Truthfully it came easier when the circle of people surrounding you was bigger, but a close knit one? Everyone suddenly had the powers of observation up to God level.

But Leo’s ninja skills were God level too and you knew how to keep your trap shut and not sigh like a love struck teenager every second you saw him. So it had gone good, real good for a while. The thrill of maybe sharing an intimate kiss while others we’re around was a sensation you never expected to enjoy. When it was time to leave, Leo would ‘walk you’ home safely and by ‘miracle’ run into a few thugs on his way back.

Because there’s no reason a brisk ten minute walk to your apartment should turn into an hour and a half.

Raph wasn’t buying but cared little to stick his nose into it. Donnie was too busy to bother. Mikey had an idea but decided due to bro code not to voice it.

His father though?

Splinter knows what’s going on because well, he’s Splinter. You live long enough with four giant sons all with their unique personalities and traits, you pick up a thing or two about parenting pretty easily.

And Splinter is a phenomenal parent.

Both Father and Mother to his sons.

So naturally he’s irked that his eldest is sneaking out at odd hours and trying to conceal his return. Because Splinter feels that out of all four, Leo has always been the most open with him. Once Raph hit those pre-pubescent mood swings, Donnie began to teach himself all matter of subjects and Mikey was too busy trying to set a new record of heart attacks to give his father while skateboarding; Leo always remained the same.

Even with all the acolytes Leo has achieved in his ninjutsu training, he still had his hiccups and his father would never spare the opportunity to turn into a teaching moment.

So when Leo had kissed you passionately on his way out of your window, you still in nothing but the skin that he had dedicated a fair amount of time in kissing and bitting. He thought he was being slick, he thought he was going to ninja his way into the Lair, into the showers and straight to his bed.

What he didn’t account for was his father waiting up on him. A mug of hot tea on the kitchen table and hands clasps together in what Leo recognized all to well as ‘Dad Mode’.

He’d been caught with the proverbial hand in the cookie jar. His gear was half hazardously on, mask slipped down around his neck and for Christ sake he was holding a shoe. It was 6:30am and he smelled like a girl, a pretty girl no less. The jig was up, especially when his dad motioned for him to come forth and seat opposite him at the kitchen table.

“Dad I can ex-“ Splinter held up a finger and pushed the mug of tea towards his disheveled eldest son.

“My son, I am not angry” Which was truthful, he wasn’t, in fact he was ecstatic that Leo had found somebody, somebody good and somebody that loved him for he has. Long ago he had accepted the pain that his sons would not find suitable partners and the ache it would come with for them. But here was Leo, nervous and trying to adjust his clothing because he’d been with a woman, a woman he clearly loved.

“I like y/n, she is kind, thoughtful and caring to us” Splinter emphasized each trait with a tap of a long nail on the table. “She should be treated with respect, I hope I have instilled that teaching unto you, a lady is to be respected Leonardo” Leo nodded at his fathers words, he nodded and prayed that the underwear he had stuffed into his pockets wouldn’t magically transport on the table to further humiliate him.

“So please my son, do not lie to me, do not come home late in this state and not expect me to know what has transpired” Dad voice was on, coupled with the sympathetic eyes though, man Splinter was good at this shit.

Leo hung his head, clearly ashamed of his dishonorable doings. “Hai, sensei” Even as an adult being scolded by his father never stopped hurting.

“And please do tell her that there isn’t anything hide, she is welcomed in our home, I would not mind getting to know my future daughter in law a little bit more” Splinter enjoyed the way his son nearly choked on his tea.

“Perhaps I can tell her a few anecdotes of your growing up” He smiled when Leo looked at him with pleading eyes. “I believe I have a few embarrassing ones she will find most delightful” He stood up and placed a hand on his sons broad shoulder. “I’m sorry dad, sorry for sneaking around and not telling you” He was earnest in his words and Splinter bowed his head.

“I know, thank you Leonardo” He walked away, hands behind his back.

Leo sighed and pulled out his phone, shooting you a quick text.

-so my dad wants to formally meet you... as in introduce you as my girlfriend.

It felt nice to hit send on that message.

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt Leonardo #tmnt Raphael #tmnt Michelangelo #tmnt Donatello #Leonardo #Raphael #Donatello #Michelangelo #tmnt Leo #tmnt Donnie #tmnt Raph #tmnt Mikey #fluff #comedy #slightly ns*w

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cockasinthebird · 3 years

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It was awkward at first, which isn’t much of a surprise to Steve. This is a whole new world for him- how would he ever even go about dating or flirting with guys, least of all Billy Hargrove. Girls he understood, flowers and chocolate and driving them to the mall and carrying their shopping bags, classic textbook stuff that he’s actually quite good at if he had to say so himself.

Hi was all he managed to write to Billy.

Hey ;) was the response.

Nerve wracking, dizzying, nauseating. It left him a mess for that entire weekend, making him incapable of ever even responding to any of his other matches on the apps, because he couldn’t stop thinking about Billy fucking Hargrove. Yet he also didn’t know where to go from there, and when Billy didn’t see it fit to send him a second message, it just died out right then and there.

But there was no relief, no Oh thank God that he wouldn’t have to even try and find out what it’s like with Billy- what sex is like with Billy. Yet the thought of it stayed. Every night, morning, day. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, all ruined by a crown of golden curls, broad shoulders, his musky stench, that ugly tattoo… It doesn’t make any sense to him still, but now whenever he thinks about how firm and strong Billy was, bumping up against him on the court, the way he almost admired Steve in the showers right before calling him a pretty boy, and his voice when he said it… it’s all too vivid now. Whenever there was a moment for it, his idle hands would slowly find their way past the border of his briefs, but after only a few strokes of his half chub he’d pull back with a loud and exasperated sigh.

Come Monday morning and he’s sitting in his car, hands gripping too tight around the steering wheel, students flocking to the front doors of Hawkins High. Yet somehow through the mess of reluctant teens, Steve still manages to spot Billy without even really thinking about it, like a gorgeous needle in a hormonal haystack, jeans clinging to his sculpted ass, the fabric around his thighs looking about ready to tear-

Steve shuts his eyes, squeezing till it becomes uncomfortable in an attempt to forget that he knows what Billy looks like naked; how freckles dust across his features everywhere, how smooth he is, how he’s oh so perfectly waxed-

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit.” Of all things that could have happened, Steve sporting a boner at school wasn’t rare but definitely the worst. Especially given the subject of his all too sudden desires.

He had never cared to think twice about Billy when he wasn’t around, and now he’s the only thing on his mind. He can’t go in there like this, can’t face him like this, Steve’s body is too sensitive to even the slightest hint of Billy apparently.

And he’s not going to jerk off in his car, that’s just… sad.

The fact that he makes it all the way home without a single speeding ticket is just dumb, lazy luck, and that he makes it to his bedroom before jerking off for the second time today is just impressive. At least he can still show some self restraint.

But only a little.

For when he’s done and ashamed of it all, he sluggishly drags his feet toward the shower, where as soon as the hot water hits his skin, he’s reminded of the locker room at school. And he’s reminded of all the times he has caught Billy stealing glances, only for those crystal blues to flee once they’ve been caught, maybe spit out a little toxic comment that’s barely heard in passing.

As he now looks down at his fully hard dick once more, yearning to a certain someone’s attention here in the nude, Steve closes his eyes only to be met by the prideful, girthy cock that even when flaccid Billy struts around with like he’s the king.

His lips pursed around a cigarette. His hands as they grasp the ball at practice. His fingers so nimble whenever he plays with a pencil in class. His smile that he flashes to all the girls. His tongue out to swipe as he grins at Steve.

“Fuck, ah-” he bites into his one hand as he cums into the other, white clashing with the pink of the bathroom tiles. And another, “Fuck!” as he slams the side of his fist against the wall of the shower.

Barely an hour passes before he’s hard and ready again, lying on the couch with old reruns of whatever on the tv, his eyes glued to the pics Billy has posted everywhere for his own conceited ego’s sake, and the hundreds of likes and comments he gets, of course.

But it’s hard not to like what you see, when you’re faced with self-confidence like this, and well earned at that considering his Adonis looks and frequent exercise routine. It wouldn’t shock Steve if he found out that Billy could lift him without breaking a sweat.

Actually it thrills him far too much to even consider, as he watches a video on instagram of Billy benching far more than what Steve weighs, and all the blood rushes into his already eager erection at such a speed he gets a little dizzy.

He almost misses the doorbell ringing in his intense, almost stalker-y field of view, and who the fuck even rings anyone’s door at almost 1pm on a Monday. A sigh and rubbing his eyes prepares him for the inevitable greeting of either mormons or jehovah's witnesses, or maybe he’s lucky to meet a travelling salesman who’s got a cure for crushing on people way outside your league.

The bell rings several times as he walks up to the door, and even after opening it up to the warm summer weather, it takes Steve several long seconds before he realises who’s standing there, toothy grin and denim clad with an arm up on the doorframe.

It hits him like a bullet to the heart, the shock of finding billy Hargrove here, in front of Steve who’s barely dressed and-

Billy’s eyes hone in on the obvious tenting of Steve’s green boxers, and that grin spreads into the widest, flashiest smile that Steve has ever possibly seen.

“Is that for me?” he drawls out, lustful and daring.

And it sets the poor trust fund kid aflame, his heart pumping so fast and hard he feels it pulsate in his dick. The blood rushing away from his brain must be making him dumb, because the only seemingly obvious reaction Steve can sort out is reaching for Billy and kissing that smug look from his face.

It doesn’t take Billy long to get in on it; he pushes his way through the door and closes it behind him, strips clean of his denim jacket before tugging off Steve’s shirt. It all happens so fast he can’t even follow, the taste of Billy’s spit and the feel of his teeth biting disorients him to a point where he can barely answer the question,

“Where’s your bedroom?”

With, “Upstairs and to the left.”

Suddenly they’re on his bed, the memory of them stumbling up the stairs as they undressed distant and nearly gone, as the throbbing of his cock has never felt louder than in this moment.

Of all the girls he’s been with, being with a man is… different. He’s nervous, almost nauseous with it, yet has never been more excited, turned on, or harder in his entire life. Hands are everywhere but where he desires them as they push him into the covers, smoothly runs up and down his chest and abs then all the way up to cup his jaw. His face feels wet with kisses and how eagerly Billy licks his lips to taste everything.

It’s a rushed mess yet it doesn’t go fast enough.

“Touch me,” he whispers without thought as he tries to keep up with Billy’s pacing.

“Yeah? Want me to touch you, pretty boy? Touch your hard, long cock?” Billy’s tone almost cruel and rough at the seams, his hands going down to grip Steve’s hips with near brutish strength.

“God yes,” Steve moans at the slight pain, “I want you to touch me so fucking bad- jerk me off, please.”

“Please?” Billy barks out a laugh at that, “Those bitches you fuck into all that nicety? Please and thank yous.”

“They love it,” Steve says with confidence that can only come from personal experience.

But it only makes Billy laugh more as he pulls away. He sits up on his knees, cock hard and thick where it stands at attention between his muscular thighs. “That won’t work with me, princess. Don’t gotta ask like a good guy for me to fuck you, just say it and I’m here.”

“How easy of you,” the words are out before Steve even thinks about it. The rivalry they have is still new and fresh, it can barely be helped, and for a moment he fears that he has ruined the moment.

Yet Billy doesn’t move away. He slowly licks along the arch of his upper lip, something deep and primal in the way he stares, and a hand runs through his golden locks to push them away from his irritatingly handsome face.

“Look who’s talking.”

In a rush that seems natural to Billy, he flips Steve onto his side before laying down behind him and pressing the head of his wet dick against the crevice of Steve’s thighs.

“Wait!” Steve almost shouts as the churning of his stomach makes him sick with worry about the more technical functions of… this.

“Don’t worry baby,” Billy’s voice all of a sudden like silk, a range so odd and unfamiliar compared to his normal boisterous attitude, “I’m not gonna pop your cherry the first time we do this. You got me too excited for that, don’t wanna wait while I prep you like you deserve,” he whispers against the shell of Steve’s ear, and it eases every single worry he had.

“Oh…” The pent up nerves in his stomach vanishes, like a knot coming undone, every single muscle in his body relaxes into the sheets.

Well, almost every single muscle.

“Yeah, oh,” Billy chuckles and rubs his nose against the back of Steve’s neck, kissing his back. “I can be a nice guy, too. You don’t gotta worry bout a thing, just let me take care of you.”

Today has been… a long, confusing mess. From the boner he woke up with after dreams of Billy, to the one in his car, the one in his shower, the one on the couch, to the way Billy so rudely shoved his way into Steve’s personal space, up the stairs, onto the bed. Rude and hectic from their first kiss till now. Now he’s… nice? Steve feels a fool for falling for it, but at least he’s aware as he lets down his guard and allows for Billy to… do whatever he pleases.

Is this how girls feel whenever a hot guy is nice to them? Whenever Steve is nice to them? Doesn’t feel like the worst thing in the world.

So he nods and hums a light agreement.

“Good,” Billy hums, too, and it makes Steve’s skin crawl in the best way possible; the shivers down his spine almost delightful as they go straight to his dick.

And when Billy gently pushes his heated flesh in between Steve’s thighs, the wet pre lubing up the skin perfectly, it’s weird and foreign, but also impossibly erotic and thrilling, and suddenly all Steve can think about is how Billy’s cock would feel inside of him.

It’s no lie that that’s something he’s thought about before - not necessarily with Billy mind you, just in general when sliding into a soaking wet pussy, he’d often get almost lost in thought about what that feels like, and if this is any indicator of it, he’s even more eager for it now.

So eager he can’t help the long, breathy moan that escapes him as Billy moves into his embrace till they’re lying flush together.

“That good huh?” Billy whispers from behind, and Steve can only imagine the self-satisfied smirk on his face.

Rather than responding he moves, closing his legs tighter and grinding back against Billy, as to test his own boundaries with all of this - which has been something of a win, considering he really went from his first kiss with a guy to this within ten minutes or so. And the way Billy groans all pleasant and pushes harder into their meeting of skin jolts through Steve’s cock like a bolt of lightning making him spurt out pre.

“Yeah, keep your legs just like that,” Billy speaks uncharacteristically soft as he moves one hand down, his burning hot palm smoothly moving over a thigh and staying there for leverage, as he starts rocking back and forth. In and out.

Steve’s breath stutters and he can’t help but put a hand over his mouth. It’s not uncommon for him to be overly vocal and enthusiastic during sex, but this felt… almost embarassing, the kind of blithe and soft coos and moans rather than deep, throaty groans making his cheeks red.

“Don’t do that.” Billy moves his hand up to grab Steve’s and intertwines their fingers. “I wanna hear you. Let me know what I do to you.”

His cock throbs with urgent need at those words. Such a deep, baritone voice that excites Steve to a fever pitch, his body burning up where sweat gathers down his back between them. It’s gross and stimulating all at once, as Billy thrusts between his wet thighs and holds him close, he feels like a virgin again.

And maybe that’s why Billy is treating him so kindly. Not that he disagreed with the fervor earlier, how crude it was to be manhandled like that, but this? This gentle rocking of their bodies as they together find harmy in the rhythm, it’s intoxicating. Steve barely even notices when his own hand sneaks down to wrap around his hard length, so lost in the moment he can’t think straight, can’t stop the sighs and moans that spill from his body as he melts into Billy’s embrace.

“That’s it,” Billy speaks softly like summer rain, “God you’re so fucking hot. Can’t tell you how long I’ve admired you in secret, thought about every single mole and freckle as I jerked off at home. This is all I’ve wanted for so long, I thought I was dreaming when I saw you on the app.”

Steve wants to respond, wants to say something like, “How do you think I felt when we matched,” but his mind is a fog of euphoria, barely able to even hear what’s being so dearly and honestly said as he can’t focus on anything other than the slickness of Billy’s cock hitting the back of his balls, nudging him closer and closer to the edge with every thrust.

“Your thighs are so nice and soft, clenching around me just right, arh, you feel so fucking good, princess.”

When Billy speeds up, Steve naturally follows along.

“I’m so close.”

Steve, too. The pent up feeling that’s been quickly building to an unbearable pressure point is becoming too much, hot and ecstatic like a volcano waiting to erupt.

“Wanna cum between your legs so bad, baby.”

“Ah- please,” Steve finally finds words and it comes out like a pathetically needy little whine.

He wants to wait- wants them to cum together like he’s seen on porn as fake as that might be, but it’s a sudden and rampant thing, blinding him with fireworks behind his screwed shut eyes. A feeling that can’t possibly be expressed in any other way than a loud, prolonged, almost shocked moan, as he cums into his own hand that he jerks with ardent intensity.

Whilst not simultaneous, Billy is not far behind; urged on by Steve’s alluring keening he sped up his thrusting and grinding like he’s in a race for the finish line himself. And it would be kinda humorous if it wasn’t so hot how hard he slams into the gathering of warm, soaked flesh. Oh how he pounds into Steve with all his sweaty might, grunting and groaning till he cums with a loud and lustful moan, his hand still holding on to Steve’s with a near crushing passion to it.

And then there’s silence, as they breathe out together, muscles relaxing, dicks flaccid and sticky with cum. It’s warm and nice and cozy, but it’s hard to enjoy for Steve.

Is Billy actually this nice, or was it just a play to get off? Did he do to Steve what he does to every other bitch that he gets with? What now? What’s next? Are they gonna be a thing or just friends with benefits? Wait, are they even friends? Fuck buddies maybe? All the thoughts that he didn’t have time to be anxious about before comes rushing in fresh and clear in a post-climax-clarity moment, and it stirs the pit in his stomach alive again.

When Billy squeezes his hand gently, and asks, “What are you thinking about?” whilst nuzzling into the nape of Steve’s neck, kissing him lazily as if almost asleep.

It… helps. The thoughts aren’t gone per say but they’re in the distance now, and all it took was a simple question- a sign of caring.

Steve turns around in bed to look at Billy’s drowsy expression, before answering, “Thinking about taking a shower. You wanna come with?”

Billy’s nose furrows and wrinkles as he peeks out past ruffled curls. “Can’t we stay like this a bit longer?”

It makes Steve’s heart beat different.

“Sure.”

#Harringrove #my writing #lemon

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karasunology · 4 years

Text

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ SUNA RINTAROU & KITA SHINSUKE AS YOUR OLDER BROTHER HEADCANONS ! ❞

╰─ ─ ﾟheadcanons of suna & kita of how it would be like if they were your older brothers.

✐ . . . BIG BROTHER HEADCANONS.

[ OIKAWA TOORU & KAGEYAMA TOBIO VERSION. ] [ MIYA TWINS & BOKUTO KOUTARO VERSION. ]

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ suna rintarou & kita shinsuke <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting.

SUNA RINTAROU.

➜ suna would your quiet older brother that's very caring for you

➜ nAH I'M KIDDING SHSJZ LMAOOO

➜ THIS BOY MAY SEEM QUIET BUT PHEWW

➜ DAMN IS HE NOISY IN TEXT & ON UNGODLY HOURS

➜ let me explain

➜ suna is the type of person that may seem quiet but could honestly be as chaotic as he can be

➜ good chaotic? or evil chaotic?

➜ you decide for yourself

➜ and that's when he's just a normal person to any other normal person

➜ but you're his younger sibling

➜ y'know, the one he sees everyday

➜ willingly or not HSJSNNXC

➜ yeah he'll be quiet sure but if YOU ever join into the mix

➜ fox boi is thriving quietly while your parents are just so done with you guys

➜ i headcanon that he's the type to fall asleep in day time

➜ but when it's night where h's supposed to be sleeping, homeboy is anything but sleeping

➜ he'll have a hard time sleeping and honestly you're probably also in the same situation as him because wow, sibling goals😍❇✨🗽

➜ and if you ARE in the same situation as him, and you'd get a random message from him at the most UNGODLIEST TIMES to go to a 24 hours open mcdonalds fast-food,

➜ who were you to object??

➜ like y'all's parents would wake up to go to work or something and would when they check the family gc, suna sent a pic of you falling asleep on a mcdonalds playground

➜ would paniK LMAOOO

➜ but before they pull your drowsy ass back, they'd check your guys' rooms and in the midst of checking they'd find you guys sleeping on the living room sofa

➜ woke up the next day in the floor because suna unconciously pushed you from the sofa y'all were sharing but you had a blanket placed on top of you while he was ShiVERING to death

➜ expect cursed videos or weird snapchat stories of you guys either saved privately or drunkenly high posted for the whole world to see😗😍

➜ y'all have the most random conversation at 3 am in imessage but y'all still forgot you sent those

➜ the type to message you a meme he finds funny while his drowssiness is taking a toll on him

➜ the type to message you while he's in the same room as you

➜ like especially if there are guests around & he hates socializing & just doesn't have the energy to talk to them

➜ fights were uncommon, and if it ever happens oH my

➜ he'll give you a cold shoulder because he's THAT petty b itch💅👊

➜ but he's probably the first to apologize because you are probably also a petty bi tch 💅👊

➜ b i c t h

➜ he's honestly a great listener 10/10 would recommend

➜ he may not be the best at advices, but atleast he's good at listening

➜ would a HUNDERED ( 100 ) PERCENT % dump the chores ordered for him to do TO YOU

➜ and would definitly use the excuse

“ because i'm older than you ”

➜ in conclusion, suna may be a lazy bicth but he'd be an . . . entertaining brother to say the least & never fails to take the role as an older sibling through hidden and small ways.

KITA SHINSUKE.

➜ the silent but active older brother

➜ the type of older brother that may not seem he cares about you but he actually does

➜ like a l o t

➜ like that one chapter in the manga where kita may sound like a judgemental douche but actually cares about atsumu and gave him a note to take care of himself or something? with cough drops, pickled plums, lemon water etc.

➜ ugh i live for that

➜ anywh0res, that chapter?? yeah, you experienced alot of those

➜ you have gotten used to his attitude ever since you guys were young

➜ one time, when you guys were young, you scraped your knee and kita may seem like he's lowkey judging you but he was actually so worried

“ see? that's what happens when you're too clumsy ”

➜ yet proceeds to kneel next to you & would piggyback you while saying that you should lay off desert becausr you were getting heavy

➜ THE DIFFERENCE WITH HIM AND BOKUTO THO FGFDJJKDR

➜ and one time when you overworked yourself because of your studies to the point you got sick, kita was the one that was taking care of you

➜ your temperature? taken AND recorded by him. your porriage? made by him. if you got worse, he would make an appointment with a doctor. appointment? scheduled and made by him.

➜ and that's on periodt😋

➜ would scold you and use judgmental tones BUT would be so caring towards you ahHh

➜ and if it wasn't that bad but you still had to stay home the next day, but it was a school day so that means volleyball practice for kita

➜ and y'all probably argued about something that morning and he left while you were still sulking about your fight and when you entered the kitchen you would find a bag of your favourite foods, those cooled things you put on your forehead to bring the heat down, & medicines.

➜ and in the table was your porriaged cooked and served with a note on the side which says :

please take care of yourself more, i'll be home after practice like usual.

love, kita-nii.

➜ UGH YOUR HAND IN MARRAIGE SIRRRR

➜ and when bb boy went home you apologized about your fight that morning and he'd be so shocked because you don't usually say sorry first whenever you guys fight

➜ would tell you stories of what happened at practice that day simce you weren't there

➜ speaking of that, you would wait around the volleyball club and would be their unofficial manager

➜ why? because kita made you since he would ALWAYS walk you home with him and maybe some of his team mates that lives near you guys

➜ like he ain't reporting a missing teenager anytime soon

➜ already has a lot of things to handle so he would appreciate that you would get kidnapped on a different day? yeah, thx💋

➜ would garden with you because i headcanon that he really loves and has a passion for gardening & probably has his own little vegetables growing in the side awe

➜ would 100% help you do your chores

➜ and with anything you need honestly

➜ ugh we stan

➜ and if you ever awknowledge everything he has done for you and would let him know that you awknowledge him & that you REALLY APPRECIATE HIM AS YOU SHOULDDD💅😩✋

➜ he'd probably cry on the spot ngl

➜ i'm joking, but y'all would probably be so soft at that moment that he just offered you to watch those old childhood movies you guys used to love to watch

➜ in conclusion, i love this mans so much and that you should too. even if he may seem judgemental & a douche but trust me when i say he cares ALOT about you but he just shows it subtly. and he deserves a lot of love as well because you don't know how much has he taken care of you ever since you guys were kids.

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . another big brother headcanon?? y'all eating tHAT SHI T UP. but honestly, me too. also, another one of bokuto's sister x akaashi one will be posted either tonight, or tomorrow as per an anon's request. ugh we love a productive sister. @ to the anon who requested this, hope you enjoyed it because i totally did while my crusty eyes tries to stay awake last nighy writing this👑

requests are open or just send me anything because i need hooman interactions rn😋✌

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krastbannert · 3 years

Note

Smellershot for the Ultimate Ship Meme?

MAH BABIES! Seriously, I love these two. I will forever be upset that we haven’t gotten a Freedom Fighters centric story that gave us more content for the group, especially Longshot, Smellerbee, and Jet.

For reference, all of these will be completed using the following headcanons:

1. Longshot is a firebender from the FN Colonies (this has absolutely no basis in canon, I just literally can’t unthink it).

2. Jet lives. Because he should have.

(and I’m still sleep deprived so these might be a little insane/weird)

General:

Rate the Ship -

How long will they last? - Till death do they part, and then a tad bit longer.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - It took them a couple years. They’re children in the middle of a brutal war with an even jankier support system than the Gaang had. They’ve got a lot to deal with already. Plus, Bee has to process the fact that sweet fucking spirits he’s a flaming ashmaker what the hell when did that happen?!?

How was their first kiss? - When I wrote that scene in Ashmaker, it was very sudden and rather frustrated, and right after Bee literally slapped some sense into him (or tried to, anyways). It would definitely be either that, or it just...happens. Just a lazy thing, something that happens as they’re waking up, and neither of them realize it for a few moments. But in both cases, Bee is the one to initiate it.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Longshot. It was a simple proposal - it just slipped out one day as they were walking together in the same woods they met in, just outside Gaipan. Marry me, he says, quietly at first, then louder when she asks what he said. Bee, of course, says yes.

Who is the best man/men? - Jet. Absolutely, 100% Jet. (Bonus: if he dies like in canon, Jet is still the best man - The Duke stands in his place, carrying a picture of Jet, forever sixteen. Instead of a Best Man’s speech, they have two minutes of silence. Longshot has to leave his own reception because the loss of his best friend is still that painful.)

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - We don’t see Bee get many, if any female friends in the show. If they become friends at some point, though, it would absolutely be Toph. I have a feeling the earthbender-gremlin and the knife-gremlin would get along very well. Otherwise, it’s probably someone Bee meets in Ba Sing Se, or in Republic City post-war.

Who did the most planning? - Their wedding really didn’t have any planning. They just sorta threw it together one afternoon. Longshot let Bee make most of the decisions because it’s her day, and he just wants her to be happy.

Who stressed the most? - Honestly, neither. They just...knew they were meant for each other. In the moment they were each a little nervous, but they’ve been together so long at this point, that they know: they have nothing to worry about.

How fancy was the ceremony? -

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - There...really wasn’t anyone they specifically didn’t invite, to be honest. After the war, after the dust has settled, after they’ve traveled and grown and matured, they’re more than ready to leave past hurts behind and start a new future.

Sex: Opting out of doing this section

Who is on top? -

Who is the one to instigate things? -

How healthy is their sex life? -

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? -

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? -

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? -

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - If they had any at all, probably just 1.

How many children will they adopt? - They’d be the ones to start an impromptu orphanage and take in every kid they can support because no one is going to go through the hardships they did if they can help it.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Bee, because Longshot is dead asleep by 8:00 PM and he sleeps like the dead until he wakes up with the sun.

Who is the stricter parent? - Probably Longshot. He’s pretty chill with most things - he is married to a knife-gremlin, after all - but he’s still stricter than Bee, who doesn’t particularly care if the kid(s) aren’t dead, dying, or out committing felonies.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Both, but only if it’s too dangerous. It’s not like they have any room to talk, considering they literally lived in trees and swung around branches and used jury-rigged ziplines (made by kids) for several years.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Longshot is already up, so he does it. Bee, however, is the one to make the food (more below).

Who is the more loved parent? - Smellerbee. She gets in as much trouble as the kids do; hell, she’s the one who gives the kids half their ideas in the first place.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Longshot.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Longshot.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Longshot, because Smellerbee is probably in jail with the kids (she got in another fight with someone who mistook her for a boy).

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - After one too many incidents involving burned soup, near forest-fires, and Jet lacking eyebrows for a month, Longshot was banned from cooking, and the ban is maintained by Bee and the other Freedom Fighters throughout their lives.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Longshot grew up in the FN colonies. The boy needs spicy food. Craves it, actually.

Who does the grocery shopping? - They do it together.

How often do they bake desserts? - All the time. After so long living on hunted, stolen, and scavenged food, they both have a sweet tooth that will not be denied.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat, mainly because that’s what they’re used to. Salad is just weird.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Longshot always remembers things like that, but he doesn’t cook, so when he does get together a full dinner spread, it’s a big day.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - They only go out when they don’t have a lot of food in the house, or when a friend wants to meet them someplace.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Longshot. Absolutely Longshot (see above). Smellerbee might not be the best cook but she can manage to make food without getting rid of eyebrows or forests.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both.

Who is really against chores? - Neither, really. They’re just so used to doing them that it’s automatic.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Whoever is their at the time.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Considering how long it took him to admit to being a firebender and that he had a crush, it would probably be Longshot.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - They really don’t have guests. Just their really close friends, and they’re pretty much the Freedom Fighters and sometimes the Gaang, who went through the same shit they did.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Longshot did, but he gave it to Bee.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Bee. She hates being cold, so she stays in the warmth as long as she possibly can.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They let the dog roam free most of the time. He walks himself.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - They’re not big on decorating. They only do the big ones - Lunar New Year and Winter Solstice.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Honestly? They don’t really have any. They spent so much of their lives just trying to survive, one day to the next, and all they really want is time to relax.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Smellerbee.

Who plays the most pranks? - Smellerbee.

#krast answers asks #@ljf613 #i'll be honest i don't think i've thought this hard about a ship in a long time #but it was a lot fun so thank you #smellerbee #longshot #smellershot

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anystalker707 · 4 years

Text

I’m always yours

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader Genre: Fluff Word count: 2 338 Requested by @thunderpurple (who apparently got their account deactivated, but I hope they read it anyways) Summary: Reader is a famous singer who dates Gerard and writes a song about their relationship.

"What are you smiling about?" The sudden question pulls me away from my thoughts. I hum questioningly at first – Gerard's curious face is the first thing I process, eyes flickering over me in an attempt of understanding what's in my mind. He sits on the couch across from mine, his elbow over the couch's arm while he supports his chin on his palm.

"Oh," I say when finally understanding the question, adjusting my position – with the motion, my pen almost falls from my lap, but I'm able to catch it. "Erm, nothing," I answer with a smirk, raising my eyebrows lightly, demonstrating I'm just not telling him about it. Certain frustration hits me as I look down at my notebook – it seems like half of the ideas I believed to have written down didn't even leave my mind.

Gerard doesn't seem like he's giving up soon, furrowing his eyebrows as pouting lightly. "Is it about me? You've been observing me way too much." He stands up from the couch to sit down beside me, but I close the notebook and set it between me and the armrest before he does so. "That's not fair," he complains, eyeing the notebook with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yes, it is," I chuckle and place a kiss on his cheek. "I love it when you're sulky, you get all cute. Not like you're not cute normally, but you get it," I smile, watching him try to put on an angry look, but he ends up blushing. I can't help but to chuckle again, pulling him for a kiss.

"Agh, ew, no fucking on the couch." A sudden voice says and we pull away to see Frank opening the fridge – and most likely having entered the bus without us having noticed.

I roll my eyes with a small lazy smirk, deciding to joke, "you don't even know what happens when you're not around."

"And I'll be happy if it continues this way." He takes a bottle of water in hand, shooting us a playfully reprehending look as making his way out of the bus again; Gerard and I laugh at him.

"Aren't you going to tell me what're you doing?" His head rests on my shoulder as Gerard looks at me from under his lashes. Grinning, I shake my head. He sighs, defeated, and adjusts his posture. "Okay then," Gerard shrugs nonchalantly before leaning in for another kiss.

He must think he's very smart, doesn't he? I can feel the exact moment his hand reaches for the notebook, but I immediately slap it away, shooting him a look once breaking the kiss. "The more you try to see it," I tell him, narrowing my eyes, "the less I'm convinced to show it to you. You'll find out soon enough." With last peck is pressed to his lips, I grabbing the notebook, planning to leave it back in my bus.

"You're no fun," Gerard presses a kiss to my cheek.

"I'm not supposed to be," I tease, standing up and reaching for his hand. "C'mon, I changed my mind, I was just gonna leave this in the bus and come back, but we're not continuing inside here. I want to stretch my legs and I'm tired of staring at a TV or at the wall, the bus makes me feel suffocated." I chuckle seeing him roll his eyes, though agreeing. Maybe some time together will help me having an inspiration.

We grab a coffee from the café of the gas station and take a seat on the concrete step in front of the convenience store, observing the cars passing by. It's quite peaceful – the sun already set itself, so the sky has this golden shade in the horizon, slowly fading into a grayish blue which contrasts perfectly with the clouds, which still have a pink tinge. A stronger breeze hits once in a while, making a few of Gerard's strands cover his face – he hooks them behind his ear just for another breeze to send them flying again. The frustrated grunt he releases makes me chuckle.

"Wait, don't move," I say as getting my phone off my pocket. Doing as said, he hums questioningly. "You look beautiful, all aesthetic," I saw as opening the camera app, taking a few pictures of him. He furrows his eyebrows a bit in a wordless complain, but doesn't do anything to stop me either. Once I lower my phone, he nods towards it as if asking to see the pics.

"Ah, no, wait a minute," I say, changing the camera to the frontal one and moving closer to him – leans in, his cheek brushing mine as I snap another couple of photos. "Imma post these of us later," I hand him the phone to see the pics like he asked earlier, leaning a bit closer to him to see it too.

"Not the others too?" He asks curiously, returning the phone.

"Nah," I shake my head, "these are for personal archive." His scoff makes me grin. "I don't share every pic I take of you, Gee," I let my cup on the ground to be able to hug Gerard, pecking the side of his face. "I can't expose too much what's mine, even more with so many people wanting too," I mutter against his skin, the corners of my lips curling up into a smile seeing him blush – knowing I can make him blush is just amazing.

He hums softly in a mockingly judging tone, turning his face so his lips meet mine. "You do a great job," Gerard mutters on my lips before locking them in a short, sweet kiss. "But don't worry, whether near or far, I'm always yours."

Besides blood, lot of thoughts flood my head as sit upside down on the couch, looking at the nothing. Gerard needed to do whatever, so, with him away, it's the best time to try to write this song. I just want it to be a surprise.

Ray approaches, eyeing me curiously before taking a seat too, about a foot away from me and my guitar – which's actually Frank's, one he lent me earlier. "Why are you sitting like this, kid? For how long have you been like this? You'll pass out." Certain concern is mixed with his confusion, though most of his attention is turned to the phone in his hand.

"'Waiting for inspiration to come." I say as sitting upright again. The room spins under my gaze for a second, but it quickly goes back to normal since it hadn't been long since I had decided to sit like that. "I'm writing a new song," I explain, taking the guitar back on my lap again. "It feels like all my ideas slip away just because I need one then, when I notice, I'm just staring at a white paper waiting for the ideas to show up, y'know?"

Ray chuckles a bit as glancing at me, his curls moving as he nods. "I understand completely. Good luck, tho," he shoots me a smile.

"Thanks," I smile back, playing on the guitar what I've written until now. Turns out I end up finally finding an idea and, getting too engaged on writing the song, I just notice how late it is when the Gerard and Mikey are walking back inside the bus.

"Don't you have your own bus?" Mikey asks playfully, nudging my foot with his before sitting down across from Ray and I.

"Ah, sometimes I forget I do," I set my guitar laying on my lap as throwing my arms over my head to stretch myself. "But I wasn't supposed to be here yet, I just got too carried away..." Seeing Gerard's hand furtively reaching for my notes again makes me interrupt myself, slapping his hand away. "You're so stubborn!" I furrow my eyebrows at him, shooting him a look as standing up.

The guitar is left in a corner, against the wall, and I sigh dramatically, my notebook safely hugged close to myself, "how Mikey's being so rude, I'm already leaving. 'Hope y'all have fun without my illustrious presence, then." My words make Mikey and Ray hum or scoff sarcastically – I throw my nose in the air while walking away, stopping in the last moment to look back and laugh with them.

"Let me go with you," Gerard says as following me, taking my hand in his. He blushes lightly at the peck I give him before we continue walking.

By the time the tour is over, the song is completely perfected – with a little fixing here and there in the lyrics, melody and adding a few other instruments. I smile as listening to the final result, all happy about it. Today completes exact five years since I met Gerard – I remember clearly internally freaking out when meeting him and the calls until four in the morning we started having not long later – so it's obviously the best day to release the song.

I'm anxious about posting it, mostly about Gerard's reaction; I never told him what was the song about and when I was releasing it. Breathing in deeply and exhaling to make myself calmer, I decide to finally post the announcement of the single. First on Twitter, then on Instagram, both with the same caption – I've been working on this song for a long time; it was difficult summing up in five minutes everything (or almost everything) between me and the love of my life, but here it is.

I bite back a grin as placing the phone inside the pocket of my hoodie – that's actually Gerard's, but I'll just return it when it doesn't smell like him anymore and grab another, maybe one of his green jackets – and look for Gerard around the house.

Gerard's in the kitchen when I find him, preparing himself a mug of coffee. Not saying anything, I simply observe, quietly moving to the counter, leaning forward with my hands on the cold surface. He takes a quick glance at first before looking at me properly, humming quietly in acknowledge to my presence. Grabbing his mug, he gives me a peck on the lips in his way out of the kitchen.

He's most likely returning to his office, since there's where he was when I last checked, not long ago. I wait for a moment before following him, but I find him in the living room and wait until he goes up the stairs. Again, after a moment, I'm already after him, however, I almost jump three feet in the air when turning around the corner and seeing Gerard there – he eyes me unamused, sipping on his coffee.

"Why are you following me?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.

I blush, playing with the hem of the hoodie's sleeve. "Ah, um," I think for a moment. "It's a big house," I shrug, remembering the excuse he gives when following me around my house or his own – he always walks in the room about a minute later and blushes, getting all fidgety, when finding me staring at the doorway, waiting for him with a knowing look. "I feel alone...?" It ends up sounding more like a question and I try to crack a convincing grin in the end.

He chuckles softly as stepping closer, pressing a peck to my lips, leaving behind the bitter taste of coffee. "You can stay in the office too, y'know," he raises an eyebrow at me, nodding towards the said room. "I also enjoy your company."

I'm about to agree when it suddenly comes to my mind – maybe he'll check his phone when getting back there and I don't want to be around, watching his reaction to the song. "Ah," I look away, stepping back again, "no, actually, I'm fine," I force a grin, ignoring his questioning gaze. "I'll go watch something on the TV."

Before Gerard can question me, I'm already turning around and going down the stairs, throwing myself on the couch once in the living room. The TV ends up turning into just another detail in the background, losing my attention to my phone as I read the comments on the new song.

There are these hate comments as always – most of them are attacking me about for just wanting to use Gerard and MCR, which simply doesn't make sense since I was already famous before meeting them and our relationship didn't come out to the public until about a year ago.

People started suspecting about it and the media was also annoying a lot, trying to figure out the truth. So, in an interview to MCR and I before a concert I was opening for them, when the interviewer asked us about it, I just kissed Gerard in front of the camera and walked away. I remember how Gerard just shrugged at the guy and followed me while Frank watched with a grin – he had already figured out about us by himself – and Mikey and Ray stood there containing amused smiles.

The comments do make me feel bad sometimes, but I believe people would like it to be in my place, so I try to not bother too much. There are the people who actually like me, above all, and who support us together. Not like we need their approval, but that's it.

Arms being wrapped around me suddenly pull me away from my thoughts – I blush as coming back to reality and remembering everything, shrinking a bit while Gerard covers my face with kisses. "Gerard!" I say through a chuckle, in a reprehending tone, interrupted when a last kiss is pressed to my lips.

"You're the best," he says, kissing me deeply before giving me a chance to answer. "I love you so much, you make me feel so special, you're literally the best thing that ever happened to me." Once again, he kisses me.

As much as the kiss is good, I pull away a few seconds later to answer. I grin sheepishly, "you too, Gee, I love you too."

#mcr #mcr fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #emo #my chemical romance #mcr oneshot #mcr imagine #gerard way #gerard way imagine #gerard way x reader #x reader #fluff #oneshot #my post

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epicstuckyficrecs · 4 years

Text

Weekly Recap | March 9-22

Didn’t even realize but I completely forgot the recap for the week of March 9th to March 15th because I was too busy trying to find a flight home from Scotland (fuck coronavirus and bojo!!!) So now you get two weeks worth of fics!

Complete

good on my own (needed me) by mcwho (Modern AU, Teacher Bucky | 12K | Explicit): There are some mistakes that could be made by anybody. Anybody. Bucky taught high school pretty much his whole life, and that was fine, those were kids, and he knew all of them anyway, which meant there was very little chance of him accidentally fucking any of his students during an impulsive post-marital-breakdown Grindr hook-up. Which is exactly what he had done with Steve.

💙 The Conservation of a 17th Century Painting by birdjay/ @bird-jay (Modern AU, Artist Steve | 13K | Explicit): Well. He does live alone, and it’s not like anyone would find out. He could safely stick his hand down his pants right now and not have to worry about it. He’s jerked off loads of times in his own apartment. It’s...healthy to let stress out this way...right? And the fact that it’s to a doctor of art history isn’t weird. Or at least, not super weird. People have masturbated to weirder things. Steve knows that for sure. And it’s not like Dr. Barnes is rough on the eyes or anything, either. He’s quite possibly the most handsome man Steve’s looked at in months. And, well, there’s the whole art side to things, as well. (Part 1 of The Met: Art Conservation Studies)

Re-framing the Canvas by birdjay/ @bird-jay (Modern AU | 4K | Explicit): Steve and Dr. Barnes's first date. (Part 2 of The Met: Art Conservation Studies)

Perfectly Mad by ClaraxBarton/ @claraxbarton (PWP, Shrunkyclunks | 2,2K | Explicit): Whoever had decided to seat Steve beside Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes - eldest son of President Winifred Barnes, war hero, recently returned from a three month stay as a hostage of an offshoot of the same terrorist group that had once held Tony Stark - was clearly an idiot. Actually, in Steve’s opinion, whoever had thought Barnes attending the dinner at all was an idiot. Whoever had thought inviting Steve to the dinner was an idiot.

own me, i'll let you play the role (i'll be your animal) by voxofthevoid/ @voxofthevoid (Werewolf Steve, PWP | 6,7K | Explicit): He wanders into a clearing, the same one where he stood, almost three months ago, watching the Quinjet while waiting for Steve to come running to him. It was the start of something…educational. It’s one thing to take Steve as he is, another to love it the way Bucky did. He has no regrets. He’s been worse things than a monster-fucker. - Bucky’s not wearing red, but he’s got a big, bad wolf on his tail. (Part 3 of 💙in this story, you have claws)

i look like all you need by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP, Daddy Bucky | 4,9K | Explicit): “Steve,” James starts, voice so low and so deep, a shiver running down Steve’s spine, “Baby, you can either come here and stand in front of me…or I’ll drag you by your fucking hair and put you there. Choose.” (Part 1 of Daddy James Bucky Barnes/Twink Steve)

i'm seein' the pain, seein' the pleasure by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP, Daddy Bucky | 1,8K | Explicit): Steve had barely been able to keep up, gasping and trying to ask what James was doing, his thigh pulled up and hiked around a thick waist, a filthy roll of James’ hips. James had whispered low in his ear, “Wouldn’t be a good Daddy if I didn’t make sure my sweet boy got to bed…” (Part 2 of Daddy James Bucky Barnes/Twink Steve)

💙 No One Else by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (Sugar Daddy Steve | 12K | Explicit): And now here he is, walking up the steps to Steve’s brownstone at 12:03 in the morning on a Thursday night. He’s standing there like a fucking idiot with his tail between his legs, his hand coming up to ring the doorbell and falling back to his side maybe 8 times, and he lets out a shaky sigh. What if Steve wasn’t awake? Was this out of line? Showing up to his house in the middle of the fucking night? Fuck. (Part 1 of Modern Daddy Steve Rogers/Young Bucky Barnes)

Never Before by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 5,6K | Explicit): Before Steve, Bucky enjoyed sex, engaging in it frequently with various partners, enjoying himself and the pleasure he could bring others. But when Steve came along his world was flipped upside-fucking-down. Bucky had never felt so desperate, so needy, so pathetic for someone. He had never once been brought to tears during sex or because of sex but Steve brought them out of him almost every time, whether it be from the sex itself or for begging for it. He had no idea what his body and what his mind were capable of during sex until he came along. It was like Bucky had never had sex before Steve entered his life. (Part 2 of Modern Daddy Steve Rogers/Young Bucky Barnes)

Slumber by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP, Daddy Steve | 4,1K | Explicit): “Bucky, honey. Can’t get enough even when you’re sleepin’, huh?” (Part 3 of Modern Daddy Steve Rogers/Young Bucky Barnes)

Mad With It by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 3,9K | Explicit): “Bucky, come here.” Fuck that. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t move and he finds himself gritting out, “Make me.” He knows he’s being a brat, knows he has been all damn day. He knows Steve is being as sweet as can be, trying to be supportive, but he can only take so much. (Part 5 of Modern Daddy Steve Rogers/Young Bucky Barnes)

Cyclone by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 4,9K | Explicit): “Listen to those manners, baby, so good. You can have all of Daddy’s cock you want but you better fucking work for it.” (Part 6 of Modern Daddy Steve Rogers/Young Bucky Barnes)

Delirious by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 2,8K | Explicit): “Fuck, honey you look so good takin’ it for me. That little cock has come twice already and look how hard it is for Daddy. Said you couldn’t come and look at you about to come all over my cock.” (Part 7 of Modern Daddy Steve Rogers/Young Bucky Barnes)

I Just Wanna Tell You Somethin' by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 1,4K | Explicit): Bucky had been so preoccupied at the library studying with Natasha that he hadn’t even realized his phone had been ringing. Or that he had missed quite a handful of text messages. Luckily it was only one missed call, but his stomach clenched nervously when he saw that there was a voicemail. A long voicemail. (Part 8 of Modern Daddy Steve Rogers/Young Bucky Barnes)

Lately You've Been on my Mind by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 1,8K | Explicit): As soon as Steve’s office door is closed behind him, he lets out an incredibly deep sigh, his tense shoulders slumping, his eyes falling shut. Meeting after meeting after meeting had consumed his day and most of them had unfortunately been arduous with difficult clients and a test of patience. Steve needed to go home for the weekend and it felt like he needed it more than he needed to breathe. He slips his phone from his pocket and immediately curses. He missed a call from Bucky. (Part 9 of Modern Daddy Steve Rogers/Young Bucky Barnes)

💙 Gym Day by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 19K | Explicit): He sits up and rolls his neck, hands planted on either side of his hips on the wooden bench beneath him, focusing on his posture, and looks over at the man sitting with him. Oh shit. (Part 1 of Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Solider Bucky Barnes| Shrinkyclinks)

Easy Like Sunday Mornin' by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 3,2K | Explicit): Today is a Sunday and the universally-accepted laziness of the day may be why Steve finds himself wanting it slow and sweaty and deep. Bucky didn’t ask questions. (Part 2 of Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Solider Bucky Barnes| Shrinkyclinks)

💙 Right in my Space by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 9K | Explicit): Fuck. Steve’s head falls against the door with a gentle thump that he knows Bucky has to hear from the other side. Bucky was the absolute best and the absolute worst thing he could have seen on the other side of his door, especially with his slightly muddled red-wine-filled brain. He has worked so hard to avoid this moment, has hurt himself over and over again, and here he is feeling vulnerable standing at his door at midnight while the guy he definitely doesn’t want to date and definitely might not be in love with stands on the other side. (Part 3 of Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Solider Bucky Barnes| Shrinkyclinks)

life is but a dream by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (PWP | 2,3K | Explicit): “Beg for it.” The phrase bounces around in Bucky’s brain like a pinball, off different sides, rolling around the curvature of his skull. His eyes are open, but his vision is a little hazy, can make out Steve’s slim backside as it hovers over Bucky’s angry erection, his amused but hot facial expression. Steve lets go of Bucky’s dick, smacks his hand down hard on his stomach instead, “Gone on me already, honey?” (Part 4 of Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Solider Bucky Barnes| Shrinkyclinks)

Edging Closer by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen)/ @leveragehunters (Modern AU | 1,4K | Teen): Bucky had an apartment of his very own (okay, technically he co-owned it with the bank) and a neighbour of his very own: Steve Rogers, tall, blond, built and ridiculously kind. Sure, Bucky had accused said neighbour of being a butt-pic snapping pervert, but amazingly enough he'd been forgiven. In fact, he'd been more than forgiven, but even after dating Steve for not-quite-a-year, Bucky's eyebrows shot up when Steve dropped down next to him on the couch and casually asked, "Do you want to try edging this weekend?" (Part 2 of Two Men and a Single Entendre)

WIP

💙 Like it's the Only Thing I'll Ever Do by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3 (ABO AU | 3/4 | 22K | Explicit): When Steve opens the door, Bucky feels like he’s been living in clouds for the past few days, maybe even his entire life. Steve is life, Steve is happiness, Steve is the sun. He has such a visceral reaction to seeing the Alpha that he feels his knees go weak, feels his body draw tight towards the other man, pulled in. Or big Alpha Steve moves into sweet little Omega Bucky's apartment building and a roller-coaster build of a romance ensues.

💙 the reverie was not of me, you never saw nothing (so good for you and good for me) by voxofthevoid/ @voxofthevoid (Canon divergent | 2/? | 15K | Explicit): S.H.I.E.L.D and the Red Room throw Captain America and the Winter Soldier together for yet another mission. Serendipity is a tricky thing. (Part 2 of lay your heart into my perfect machine)

The Mnemosyne Project by onymousann (Post-WS | 2/? | 4,5K | Explicit): Someone's trying to talk to the Winter Soldier. Steve intends to find out who. (Part 2 of ocean eyes)

Paradise Lost (& Found) by JJK/ @trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Modern AU | 28/? | 62K | Mature): Meeting at a tropical resort AU where Steve is there on a 2-week honeymoon package after his fiancee left him at the altar, and Bucky is there for his sister’s destination wedding but doesn’t have a room because there was a mix up with the reservations in the system.

💙 Whip Crack by Quarra/ @quarra (Tentacles AU | 109K | 13/? | Explicit): Tentacle Monster Steve is captured by Hydra. They send in the Winter Soldier with a bull whip to break him, but as far as Steve's concerned the most beautiful creature he's ever seen walked in to his cell and started waving a sexy black tentacle at him. It's love at first sight.

Re-read

wild at heart by spacebuck/ @spacebuck (Shrunkyclunks, Soulmates AU | 11K | Explicit): Steve's volunteering when he meets his soulmate, and the cheetahs Bucky's responsible for make pretty good matchmakers, too.

#stucky #stucky fic #stucky fanfic #stucky fanfiction #stucky fic rec #weekly recap

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chimtaera · 4 years

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imagine model namjoon.

ok let’s not kid ourselves

boy’s already a model

he’s got the body.

got the looks.

what can i say, he’s no super model (too clumsy), but he get’s around with the more diverse castings yanno

probably got started on instagram,

with his #kimdaily outfits

which are sometimes just chill, pretty, sporty, casual, cool

and other times completely wacky and just ??? how did you even think to wear those ??? at the same time?? together ???

he always looks good tho

but some looks will give you whiplash. ur warned.

but that’s part of his appeal tbh

hhhh probably gains a lot of popularity when one of those more ‘out there’ outfits circulates on twitter or reddit and people are like “hOW does he make that work??? why does it look good??? is he just that hot??”

the answer is yes.

from there he builds a solid following.

for his great looks, great fashion sense, and his 4am instagram stories that are just a black pic with like a three paragraph text about how rain might feel if it had feelings.

also, solid music recommendations omg

you probably make ur own spotify playlist with just his recommendations.

ok ok so you best bELIEVE when this boy finally gets cast for a show he’s gonna fall on his ass and go viral

claim to fame baby

probably becomes a meme and rolls with it tbh

like he’ll share the memes in his story, so as not to ruin the ・ﾟ:*aesthetic*:・ﾟand react to them and shit

but then also get on live and talk at length about how faceplanting on the catwalk impacts your self-esteem, how he’s habit he could benefit positively from such an embarrassing moment, and how there’s a lesson for everyone here, and that he hopes all our embarrassing moments may in some way benefit us one day.

he’s such a sweetheart im-

so you might be a stylist?

a hair stylist?

makeup artist?

fellow model?

whatever you’re comfortable with.

you definitely see him on instagram first tho

you came for the memes but are super impressed with his profile and end up staying for the music.

...... and him.

he’s hot, come on.

also 90% of networking is done on instagram these days let us be real.

okay so oNE DAY, or like late evening, who cares

he post a music recommendation and you’re like !!!!!!!!

it’s that low key indie band with like only one EP out that you found on some obscure spotify playlist and you’ve been jamming to since october

and apparently namjoon has too because they’ve released a new single and you didn’t even know ????

and you’re so excited your fingers slip and oopsie you’ve sent a short but rambling message explaining exactly that into his DM’s

instant regret.

then the anxiety bubbles up in you.

and then you calm yourself and convince yourself that he gets a LOT of messages he probably won’t even see yours, so it’s fine it’s fine it’s-

next morning you have a reply

a new follow

and a mcfUCKING LIKE ON A PICTURE OF YOU FROM TWO WEEKS AGO

yikes, you didn’t even have time to give your feed a spring cleaning

you just like his short “ikr!!!!”, too mortified to reply.

alas, the regrets!

but also

the butterflies.

then you see him at an event one time.

it’s fashion week, you’re hecking busy and about to leave because it’s like midnight and you’ve got places to be tomorrow

but it’s always so strange to see people from insta irl like ??? all those dimensions??? you really be lookign like that ??? damn.

once you’ve stared long enough to be certain that’s actually what he looks like (so handome!!! so tall!!!! wtf!!!! who allowed this??) you turn to leave just as he glances up and cetches your eye for like the tiniest fraction of a second

and you hightail it outta there and hope to heaven he doesn’t know you were staring.

but he likes your pic from the party the next morning and you almost choke on your coffee and the lump in your throat stays there all day

and you’re like, am i?? catching feelings ??? for the catwalk faceplant guy??? you’ve never even talked to the man smh

he’s fucking hot tho.

so, fashion week ends and with it comes another party

you can finally relax, celebrate, wind down from the long week.

yA THOUGHT lmao

you’re talking to some designer about their next project and they’re going on about this instagram dude who’s already on board when they start waving someone over like “hey hey, there he is, y/n have you met kim namjoon yet?”

you turn around you’re like !!!!! fuck. he’s so much taller up close.

“hey, no, yeah, no, but i’ve seen you on, uh, on instagram. i think.” smooth, y/n.

after introductions, the designer gets pulled along into some other conversation and you and namjoon are kinda awkward for a minute.

you just sip your drink like ‘fuck fuck fuckfuck fuck aaaaaaa’

but then he asks you easy questions about what you do and what you’ve been working on this week and it’s the same thing you’ve been talking about with everyone you’ve met this week so it goes pretty smoothly

he makes it easy for you, like he’s very attentive, nods along enthusiastically asking follow-up questions and seems genuinely interested in your work it’s so nice! he’s so nice!

and you ask him the same things you’ve asked everyone else this week like you haven’t seen everything on his instagram already.

actually you’ve missed a few things since you’ve been so busy and your interest is genuine, before you know it the two of you are at a table and getting along like a house on fire, showing each other pics from the week.

he asks you send him a pic from one of the shows he didn’t get to see and when he do he’s sees your old messages and is like ?? oh !!

i mean, he totally knew it was you, but he had forgotten the part about that obscure indie band and the new single, so he shows you!

you’ve been following them even closer since then so you know they’re playing a gig in like two weeks and you tell him.

turns out he’s missed this info because of fashion week and he’s super excited!! you guys have to go together!!!¨

“i mean, we don’t have to- it’s just, i don’t know anyone else who listens to them, i could probably go alone, but, you know, it would be cool-”

and of course you’ll go with him, so you two exchange numbers and end up texting the next two weeks.

at first you’re just making tentative plans to meet and go to to the gig, but then there’s a gallery opening the same day, and you know this realy good thrift shop nearby that he should check out, and you guys should get dinner before because namjoon knows this really cool place and-

and it’s a date.

namjoon has every intention to kiss you that night after the gig, but he wants to ask you first and he’s not sure exactly how so he’s just like “um ??? can i ??? uhhh ?? do you ??? uh”

and ur like, “hey, namjoon, i really want u to kiss me, please?”

the rest is history.

you two are too cute, with your instagram aesthetic and lowkey couple outfits, and highkey couple pics, i’d follow.

you two would be gOALS, and it does wonders for both your careers tbh

omg imagine all the cool collaborations you two could do.

and eventually namjoon would go viral again when the paparazzi captures him spilling his coffee and your cute reaction.

but the best thing about dating model namjoon is he makes you your very own playlist.

and you get your very own story highlight with all the aesthetic pics he snaps of you just like buying milk and stealing his fries, and exploring the city on sundays afternoons, going vintage shopping and reading in the park, titled: “bae.” with every colour heart.

hyping each other in the comments always.

and the thirst omg

anyway, nsfw under the cut.

so you take it kinda slow at first because turns out namjoon has a huge crush on you and he lowkey can’t keep his hands off you but also wants to “date you properly”, whatever that means.

props to you if you get impatient with him and tease him a little, a thirst trap here, a netflix and chill there, sending a sexy song his way, or even better post it on your story for him to see.

if it doesn’t provoke him to action it’ll at least get him hard flustered, which is cute.

in the end joon is a soft boy and you can sit up all night talking, so you end up talking about sex long before having it.

and that just makes it all the more special tbh

and when it does happen, it’s like everything else the two of you do, a little awkward at first, a little clumsy, fumbly, but a lot of fun, and it’s namjoon, and you love namjoon. so, so much.

like it doesn’t matter if he accidentally bumps your nose, because he’ll apologise and the two of you will just giggle and continue.

and he might pull your hair on accident, but that way you can admit to him that it’s.. kinda hot.

and when your teeth collide when you kiss it’s only because any amount of distance between you quickly becomes unbearable, and you both need each other so, so much.

imagine slow, lazy sunday morning snuggle fuck with namjoon.

and then later when you’re on a blanket in the park reading both your books he’ll get distracted, thinking about it, lean in close and tell you something ridiculous like he wishes you would wake him up by sitting on his face.

and imagine backstage heavy petting after a show, leaving the afterparty early, because you’re both buzzing with unrelieved tension and namjoon is very hard in his pants, pressing himself against you as you try to have a polite conversation with some influencer.

love, love, loooooves, watching you ride.

and he’ll go down on you for hours if you let him, honestly.

anytime, anywhere tbh

how did you get so lucky?

#namjoon smut #namjoon scenario #namjoon #namjoon imagine #bts scenarios #bts smut #BTS au #bts imagines #bts reactions #kpop smut #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop imagines

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zebraslovescupcakestoo · 3 years

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Blush Blush Wish List: New Boy edition.

If you read my wish lists from my previous posts, I did my first as random and a second one about clothing, which one of the clothing wish is coming true slowly, I decided to make a THIRD wish list, based on the Boy/Man bundle. We knew that there will be a new guy coming, plausibly the phone fling winner Poe, so here’s some dream ideas of mine that inspired me.

I will mark a disclaimer right here and now so please read it:

Any thing I write here is MY opinion, MY fantasy and JUST A THEORY. They are NON-canon, not project proof and they’re just fan fic/pic related to Blush Blush.

If you don’t like them or disagree, that’s OK! we can talk about it in the comments or ask box like big girls.

Without further ado, here are my Manimal ideas:

1. Racoon Thief!

I’m staring off with what I already mention on my first and my personal favorite.

I used to read one of the first few books of Arsene Lupin by Maurice Leblanc a few years back and I also watched the old French TV series from the 70′s. I also used to own a film based of him from 2004? and I love it. There is also a 90′s animated series from YTV called Night Hood.

I also noticed that there was a PS2 game with a couple of sequels and a PSVita remake with all the games in one. If you ever played Sly Cooper, this would be a very nice compliment to a legendary Gentlemen Burglar.

I imagine about how the player was on a detective mission, like Cole’s, and he/she stumbles a burglary scene from a bakery store. Player noticed some crumbs leading to an alley and soon find a well dressed racoon... Speaking some French accent, the Gentlemen racoon would explained that since he’s somehow got in a situation that prevents him to go to his ‘job’ he had no choice but to ‘borrow’ until he’s back to normal. With past experiences, you’d tell him that you can help him revert back if he’d promised to pay all of the goodies he has taken from.

I can imagine a Persona 5 references or Lupin the 3rd Easter egg dialogs.

2. Beauty Guru BF!

BEFORE anyone has to say about Jeffree, I’m gonna say HERE that I’ll understand if you don’t like or support him, this is just a reference and ideas.

Now, my second idea for a next Manimal, it would be a beauty guru BF.

Now I would go for someone between Jeffree Star and Kimora Blac. Someone’s that’s very influential, a bit controversial but not that serious and very honest.

So imagine a scenario when the player decided to take a break from streaming and just surfing on Youtube when they came across a makeup review tutorial with a face of an animal. Any animal. Player then clicked it and the animal said:

“Hello everybody and welcome back to my channel! Today, I woke up, got to a mirror... beyoch... The Panda Team, is crazy!!!”

Somehow the player texted on the comments and then sends some pictures that proves you can help him, so he flew from his private jet to meet you!

If this gets canon, let the team know about Jeffree Star and try not to copy him too much like they did with Markiplier.

3. Fashionista Drag Queen BF!

Following from the previous, another LGBT representative would be the man with good fashion taste, RuPaul!

I thought about how the Player would one day be shopping for new clothes and then notice an animal giving out fashion advices. He does admit he’s sadden cause of his physical state, he can’t dress up whatever he’d normally wear.

He’d also would reference from high brands like Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Guicci, random Italian brands, ect...

Imagine on his semi or full human form, he’d be wearing RuPaul inspired tuxedos or a dress option DLC.

4. Royalty Prince charming!

I know that on Phone Fling, we have the self proclaimed Arabian Prince Sascha, but think about an EUROPEAN prince!

Imagine Player was doing gardening and then all of a sudden they heard someone complaining.

“Why are they treating me like I am some pet?! I am a PRINCE!”

You notice the ‘Manimal’ and told them your ‘specialty’ after introducing. “So you’d help your prince from this curse? Should we do true love’s first kiss? Fairly well, but you must prove it!”

This could inspire Disney prince references. ;) You take your pick!

5. Native American Boy.

Before I explain, I just want to say that I respect the Natives and they’re are one of the nicest people, I’m just saying as a character perspective.

If you remembered on my first wish list, I asked for more diversities so here’s one of them!

Player was walking in the nature park and decided to take a rest on a table park when they noticed some thrash that some human dumpster fire was too lazy to put it in the thrash so you did. All of a sudden you head someone said thank you. You turned to see the Manimal in question. “It is so nice of you to think conscious about our home environment when you knew you weren’t the one who done it. May the Great Spirits looks on you.”

I kinda lean towards the Eagle or a Bear cause the Wolf is already taken.

I think it would be a nice reminder for a dialog to us about the environment once in a while and also Disney’s Brother Bear.

6. Frank Sinatra the 2nd! Old school but cool!

THIS is probably one of an interesting idea about an ‘old’ soul. It’s kinda like Myx but classier. Swag are for boys, Class are for men.

Remember the Old Looney Tune cartoons? Remember that character Tweety Bird? Yeah, I go with a canary or maybe a yellow-crested cockatoo with this number.

Imagine Player decided to play a mainstream music from their room, when after about a minute in, you hear someone screaming from next door.

“WILL YOU TURN THAT OFF-TUNE BLIP BLOP?! I’M TRYING TO REGAIN MY SINGING SWING!”

At first you thought it was probably you neighbor, but come to find out, it was a talking bird in a cage. You asked him and he answered. “I just moved in from my relatives and now I’m stuck with feathers instead of a classic bow tie. You said you had experience with this?”

This Manimal would be one of those nerds with bowties and sweaters on shoulder prep boy. He’s more like Frank Sinatra (Pic 1 and 2 with Elvis), Dean Martin or Sammy David Jr. A bit more old fashioned but about the same age as college kids.

Imagine the dialogs would be more like Tweety birds whenever Cole is change in between and had comedy accidents like the cartoons to prevent being his next un-cook chicken nugget!

7. Ancient temple guardian!

If anyone had played Crush Crush, you know about the Suzu bundle in the shop. She’s a white fox spirt that the player had accidentally broke the statue.

Now imagine the same thing, but this time you notice that one of these statues are not the same cause they don’t breathe.

8. Marine surfer/oceanic enthusiast!

Remember when I said there’s no Marine Animals (Yet?) If they do, I hope to see a hot guy who was turned into one while I was just looking at the waves.

Imagine Little Mermaid in a gender swap perspective. He wants to learn about the ocean like Jacque Cousteau and sometimes collects sea shells or old object from the 18th centuries that was from sunken ships.

9. German Soccer coach!

Remember when the German won the soccer tournament from Brazil by 7-1 a few years ago? Now imagine someone from that country that’s the new soccer/football coach for your team.

Player wanted to try a new sport so they go for it, but noticed the coach is a big German Shepperd. He’s Strict, Disciplined and very Passionate.

We need a good doggo for 2021!

10. Eastern Master Chef

I think I saved a nice one for last, but my random card tells me that we need a chef in that game. CC have Bonnibel, we have a Michelin star chef!

I thought about an old school 90′s Iron Chef stars like Chef Hiroyuki Sakai and Chen Kenichi. But this one is from China, where they eat anything with four legs except tables and anything that flies except planes.

Honorary mentions of Gordon Ramsey in the dialogs but he’s too nice and... I want to see someone else besides him.

AND THAT IS IT!!

That’s all I have for Manimal ideas for now. Do you like any of them? Do you have any other ideas? Please tell me of what you think!

#blush blush #manimal #OC #ideas #non canon

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milkbreadtoast · 4 years

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Hey so! I’ve been wanting to share one of my Kurama(yu yu hakusho) headcanons for a while, but have been too lazy(and scared) to put it into words and share it w/ my followers ahah. But i’m finally gonna share it..! This is one of my headcanons that’s most crucial to how I interpret his character... and I want to preface this with saying that everyone has a different interpretation of a character, and that’s ok; u don’t have to agree. Interpretations can feel very personal sometimes...this one means a lot to me personally haha. Anyway, here goes: (BIG SPOILER WARNING!!!)

Basically... I think the current Kurama, “Shuichi” Kurama with the red hair, is LITERALLY a different person than he was in the past, due to the unique way he escaped death by merging with the unborn child of a human woman, and that his current personality makes a lot of sense if you think of him... as a fusion, in a sense... kinda like a Steven Universe fusion(not exactly, but hear me out)...

The present day Kurama is shown to be a really different person than the legendary thief Yoko Kurama. This difference becomes starkly apparent when the Yoko Kurama of the past makes his appearances in the dark tournament, and he’s very sadistic, cruel... very different from the Kurama shown until then.

Although the current Kurama has the same memories and consciousness, intelligence, etc. and is still fully “Kurama”, and a 1000+ year old demon, he also seems to act...like a normal teenage boy. He giggles, jokes around, cares a lot about his friends, and of course, loves his human mother...

Hiei describes Kurama in an internal monologue in ep 47, and it’s very interesting...

Kurama also describes himself in this way, in the same ep:

Although not in the manga, Kurama also says this in ep 108:

When Kurama talks about how he’s changed since being reborn, and how he’s become a different person... I think... it's more than just a change of heart. He's literally a different person, because his soul merged with that of the boy who would have been born as Minamino Shuichi.

And moreover, Kurama himself seems to be aware of this? in the way he describes himself...the whole “we’re merged,” “while I am Kurama, I am also Minamino Shuichi,” “no longer the same Kurama that I used to be”... And perhaps most convincingly, in this line he delivers in “Two Shots”:

Specifically describing himself as having a “human side”, despite also explaining to Yusuke in his introduction that he is fully a demon, despite his human appearance.

Given his wisdom and intelligence, retained from his past as Yoko Kurama, this--his self-identity--is surely something he’s thought hard about over the years, and this is the conclusion he’s come to... Even though he is classified as a demon, this is the way he describes himself... as a fusion of sorts, as being part “human”... (and Hiei’s description is mostly likely influenced from what Kurama has told him, along with his own understanding of Kurama).

The current Kurama shows a profound duality, and it makes him such a fascinating character... in certain moments, he shows a coldness, a brutality, a willingness to take lives, and wisdom and intelligence that certainly goes far beyond his human years. Yet... stuff like how he giggles and jokes, and how he outsmarted Kaito by making a funny face... to me, this is something new... something unique to his current self...something the old Yoko Kurama wouldn’t do.

The way Kurama acts in the present day... the way he's 100% a demon, yet distinctly...human... makes so much sense if you think of him as being like a fusion?? When “he merged with the body of the human who would have been born as Minamino Shuichi”, I think their souls also merged. (edit: This also makes sense if you consider that in his severely wounded state, Yoko Kurama was essentially reduced to a bare soul, disembodied and dying--If this fusion between his dying spirit and this fresh, living human soul did not take place, he would not have survived. The unborn baby is not yet conscious, so Kurama’s concsiousness took over completely, but the fusion still occurred...)

Kurama is still Kurama-- but there’s something added, something more. I think the human who would have been born as Shuichi would have been a very gentle person... so some of that got absorbed into Kurama's soul when they merged... and so his current, softer personality is not JUST a cruel demon who got touched by human kindness and had a change of heart... but a fusion of the original yoko’s personality, and the personality of the human boy he merged with. He did have a change of heart, but this was facilitated by him gaining... a new capacity for feelings? in a sense? due to this fusion.

This interpretation I have of him... it makes me feel so much for him...b/c even tho he's...not the same person anymore, he still has the same memories and consciousness; he both is, and isn't, the same person. I think it probably contributes to the guilt and self hatred he feels on some level, which is evident in what he tells Yusuke in the beginning...

It’s true that he said he tried many times to leave throughout his life, to return to his previous life in the demon realm, but it’s also true that he was never able to. His mother’s smile, her sacrifice for him, her genuine warmth and love for him... it moved him, and he decided to stay, and to protect her and the things precious to him now. And I argue that the “human” side of him, the result of a fusion of souls, enhanced his capacity to be moved, weakened his resolve to return to his past life...

When other yokai accuse him of "going soft"... that's not quite what happened...it is, in some ways, but not the full story. Although he is still the ancient, 1000+ year old demon Kurama, and retains all his memories and sense of self... there is still a part of him, a new part, that really IS as young as he looks... one that is gentle, empathetic, kind, and constantly haunted by his past.

In some ways, this added layer of softness can be seen as a fallibility, an exploitable weakness... how convenient, for the cruel and merciless, cold and calculating thief to become “soft”... a soft point, a weak point, where there was only hardness before. But,

Kurama himself believes it is a strength. Although I do think he harbors some level of hidden self hatred, he doesn’t hate this side of himself. In fact, he embraces it, is proud of it, and will fight to protect what he has now with his life on the line. He has found people and things he wants to protect... he’s come to see the beauty of the human world around him, even the mundane... he’s come to see the beauty and power in something as simple and fragile as a rose.

And the important people in Kurama’s life(e.g. Hiei), unlike the yokai who jeer and mock him, also see this part of him as a strength and not a weakness, and accept him as who he is today.

Kurama has a war in his heart... and this inner conflict and duality makes so much sense with the fusion interpretation. Itsuki makes this observation:

“affection” and “carnage”... two sides of himself, at war... consistent with his past life of violence and cruelty, and the gentle human soul he merged with that literally made him a different person... But again he’s still “Kurama”; he’s 100% yokai, not a human, and he remembers everything.

This headcanon of mine is why it doesn’t really feel right to me when I see people joke that Kurama’s just an old guy hanging out with a bunch of kids (like that steve buscemi meme lol). Again, in my interpretation... in some ways he IS just a teenage boy... even though he’s 1000+... which is why it makes sense that he genuinely enjoys having friends his “own age”... it’s more than just a facade of pretending to be a kid, I think.

And I mean...just look at him. HE...... IS BABIE 🥺🥺🥺

TL;DR I see the current Kurama as literally being a fusion of souls, literally “not the same Kurama” as before, and this colors the way I interpret him haha,,,

.............................

OK THIS POST IS ALREADY LONG AS ASS, WHY NOT MAKE IT EVEN LONGER BC THERE’S SMTH ELSE i WANTED TO POINT OUT

This might be unique to the anime, but it fits in nicely with my headcanon... In the original Japanese cast, Kurama(as Shuichi) is voiced by Megumi Ogata, and the Yoko Kurama of the past is voiced by Shigeru Nakahara (i.e., when he appears in the dark tournament, and in subsequent flashbacks to Kurama’s past). However, when Kurama transforms into his yoko form on his own in the Chapter Black arc, not by the influence of the potion that literally turns back time...he keeps his Megumi Ogata voice even in that form... whereas in flashbacks he's consistently voiced by Shigeru Nakahara. ITS A REALLY NICE TOUCH....and it confirms what he says when he's like i haven't actually reverted back, my body just transformed due to my heightened yoki.

And not only his voice, he even looks different... his yoko form is given a slightly different design in Chapter Black arc. In the dark tournament, his outfit is sleeveless, he has frayed eyebrows, and his ears are smooth.

In black chapters... for some reason they started giving him sleeves

and more solid eyebrows...

and raggety ears? vs smooth

(SO CUTE I LOVE THEM...)

These differences are shown in this production note from the anime, indicating that this was a conscious design choice in the anime:

(I can’t read the text, but I see that episode #90 is specified in the right pic, which is the ep Kurama transforms into his yoko form in Black Chapters)

Anyway, these are very subtle details, but to me they’re another indicator that even in his yoko form he's not the same Kurama as he was before...!

OK THAT WAS LONG AF BUT I’M DONE NOW I THINK......... enjoy these kuramas before u go ^_^

#fluffprattle #yu yu hakusho #kurama #holy shit that was long #i am so sorry #ANYWAY..........#i dont even know if this was comprehensible or not HITS SEND #KURAMA I WOULD FUCKIGN DIE FOR U

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thedankfaerie · 4 years

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i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you.

and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself.

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time.

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive.

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’.

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once!

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately.

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class.

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point.

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore.

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us.

someone please help me.

#help #lol

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queensparklekitten · 4 years

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OK, so for our vacation to the cottage, one of my moms (henceforth referred to as M1, because i call her Mom Number One irl) downloaded a podcast I was interested in on her phone. We didn’t end up listening to any in the car, but I chose to listen to some on my own anyways.

The thing is, it’s very hard for me to concentrate on audio-only things. Especially if I can see anything, or if there’s other sources of noise such as other people who are awake. Meaning I have begun frequently listening to a horror podcast after midnight, and ONLY after midnight.

This has caused some brief disputes because I have to take my mom’s phone in order to do so, and since i sleep until lunchtime because i’m awake past 2am every night, this means she can’t get her phone from my room in the morning unless she wants to risk incurring my wrath.

Tonight I was listening to said podcast again, at around 1am, when my other mom (henceforth referred to as M2; see the first set of brackets in this post) opened the door to my room. She said there was a bat in her room.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had bats indoors at the cottage. I remember once my moms freaked out over a bat in the house, and wouldn’t let me and my brother leave the room we shared at the time until the bat was outside.

But now I’m 15 and I thought “COOL!”

M2 was asking to borrow M1′s phone, because she needed to use the flashlight. I tried to argue that I was in the middle of an episode, but she said she needed it. I agreed to let her have it as long as she gave it back.

Then she told me to stay in my room. I asked why. I wanted to see the bat. Whenever we get bats, I’ve never actually gotten the chance to see one of them. Sure, I could look up bat pics online, but that’s totally different from seeing one in person. Same goes with a lot of things, really. Online pics are not the same experience.

I got out of bed, and M1 came into my room. My room has a doorway to the roof balcony, which M1 needed to get onto in order to remove the screen window so the bat could get out the window.

In spite of M2 wanting me to go back to bed, I went out into the hallway. I really wanted to see the bat, and I had no idea whatsoever why M2 was acting like an SCP agent or something with this, like I was some form of civilian to be kept away from this at all costs. I refused to go back into my room.

I watched as the screen window was taken out, hoping to glimpse the bat flying out. But it didn’t. Then I returned to the hallway, and M1 went back into the house.

At this point they began preparing to scare the bat into flying out the window. Again, M2 in particular seemed really against the idea of me so much as getting a glimpse of the bat. She told me not to do anything or touch anything, said this needed to be as contained as possible, as if I would somehow ruin it by existing outside my room. I just wanted to see the bat and be of some use. Besides, when I grow up and start visiting the cottage solo, how would I be able to get bats out if I had never been allowed to practice?

While both my moms were outside, I had been debating about whether or not to go into my brother’s room and use the closet/passageway that opens into both his room and my moms’ room to sneak in there and see the bat, but i decided against it because a) that might wake up my brother, who would get involved and make it even more of a mess, and b) one of my moms was literally looking right in the window.

M1 grabbed the fishing net that was hanging on the wall, and M2 picked up a large sun hat because she said it was good for scaring bats. M1 also put on another one of the hats, for no reason. I commented on how cool it was that they were gearing up for this like it was a cool mission. This aspect made me want to participate way more. If you gear up for something, no matter how mundane, it makes it way awesomer.

While M2 was putting away the phone we’d used as a flashlight, M1 prepared to open the door. There was a 3rd hat hanging (and pink at that) so I put it on, to feel cooler. M1 was fully willing to let me into her room, so I followed.

She pointed out the bat, on top of the curtains. And it was ADORABLE. Like, there was just this cute little fuzzy bat lounging on the curtain. We both brought up how cute it was. Then M1 tried to capture it in the fishing net, which wasn’t that hard as it seemed to have no interest in moving.

At this point, M2 entered the room and asked M1 “what is she doing in here” referring to me. I mentioned I just wanted to see the bat, but she told me to get out of there. I asked why, and she said she didn’t want me to get bitten.

I mean, I guess I can understand that. But this bat didn’t seem aggressive. It was too lazy to move even when it was getting caught under a fishing net.

M2 then used the huge sun hat the same way you use a piece of paper when capturing a bug under a glass. For a while the two were preoccupied with getting the bat out the window. When they shook the net, it wouldn’t fly out, so they decided to drop the whole net out onto the roof and then close the window.

Meanwhile, I was watching, and tried to pitch in by closing the window at the same time as M1 was doing it.

The bat was no longer in the house, and I high-fived M1. Then I pointed at M2 and said “not you.”

I told M2 to stop making me feel useless and unwanted, that it seemed to me like she was looking for reasons to not have me around.

Of course, the mission wasn’t over yet. We had to make sure the bat wasn’t caught under the net, and then bring the net back inside once the bat was no longer under it. M1′s phone, aka our flashlight, was in my room, so I went to fetch it before either of them did. I went to my room, grabbed the phone flashlight, and was already on the roof balcony by the time they noticed I had left.

I heard them asking where I was and noticing me already outdoors with the flashlight, shining it on the net. I didn’t see the bat in the net. Then my moms went out onto the roof balcony.

M1 asked if I could see a bat, and I mentioned I didn’t see it and moved over while shining the light on the net so she could see. After we had determined the bat had gotten free from the net, M1 went onto the roof to put the screen window back.

M2 was mostly just surprised that I had gone out onto the roof balcony to check for myself. This seems to have been the first time she noticed that I wasn’t scared at all. She also wasn’t insisting that I stay as far away from all this as possible anymore.

She then said that the last time we’d had a bat in the house, I’d been a lot smaller and had done nothing but scream and run. So she was kind of shocked that I was acting so different from that time, and it took her a while to adjust to it.

I replied “well, i’m not that little kid anymore.”

It was at this point that M2 said “so, you want to be useful. Well, you’re holding the flashlight, keep doing that. Hand your other the screen window, help her with what she’s doing.”

I obliged. I was mostly just excited that we were doing something cool, and that M2 was finally letting me be part of the bat mission. (the fact that i now knew why she was acting like that earlier helped. i have no memory of being terrified of the last bat that got in, but then again, i was a lot younger at the time so it makes sense that i wouldn’t remember.)

Once M1 was almost done putting the screen window back, M2 commented on my bravery. She then said that maybe next time, me and M1 should just handle the bat without her, since 3 was clearly too many.

We then got back in, and I high fived my moms again. Both of them this time.

Now they’re both asleep again, I’m back in my bed, and I’ve been typing about this for a while now because this night was AWESOME.

Welp, now that we’re caught up, I guess it’s time to hit post. It’s 2:50am and my laptop is almost out of battery.

Besides, I’ve got a podcast to listen to.

#true story #shit that happened #bats

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curlyshyy · 5 years

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New Apartment and the same anxious energy with a while lotta guilt and regret :) (A short story by me)

I love that when I’m too lazy and sad to pull out a journal I can come on here cuz no one looks at this shit. Why do I event still have a tumblr?

The last two nights have been rough for me, as I think new happy events trigger my brain into being sad and hating myself? Of course it’s nights where I’ve had to open the bar at 9 AM the next morning. I suppose that’s the first reason I hadn’t been able to sleep. I hate my job low-key. I once loved Alamo Drafthouse. Adored it even. Then moved to this shit hole in Norrh Richland Hills which is the furthest from the Alamo way, and I’m not valued. I feel like a fuck up everyday. In a lot of ways I am. I’m functioning with severe anxiety and most people don’t know or understand. I do stupid things when I’m having a panic attack, and these managers judge me hard. But here’s the thing I know in my heart, even when I hate myself, I’m a good worker, I’m kind, and will do anything for my coworkers and will eventually get really good at this job.im dedicated to say the least. I think that’s what matters most but for now they just see me as a fuck up, slow learner. I work my ass off though and they don’t see it. If I could work every second of everyday. Ifthis shit hole wasn’t trying to cut everyone’s hours cuz they’re not making any money, i’d work myself into physical exhaustion, like I’m so good at doing. Thats the only thing I can feel. It’s my only escape and I hate being there. This is a little dramatic. My life has been improving, and yes I know I need therapy. We been knew. My ass was anxious at 5 years old. Anxiety is truly hell, I wish I’d just force myself to hurry up and get help, and I wish I wasn’t poor. I wish my mom had saw how fucked I was and made me get help as a kid, but she did the best she could. Could blame the bitch but like, she has a hard enough time accepting and coping with her own mental illness. She hardly acknowledges it. That must be hard to lie to yourself everyday, and say that you just have to choose happiness.

The reason the last two nights have been shit is cuz I stayed up dreading going to work and being there all day and I hate the fuck out of mornings and waking up before noon. Which is why I like closing and usually have night shifts. Since the fucks cut my hours I gotta take what I can get though. I need a constant distraction at night cuz my brain is literally scary as fuck. I can’t even tell anyone about 95% of it. It’s so terrifying. So I usually distract myself with my phone. But I was like “hey, brain I know we’re anxious af and sad, but can we go to sleep?” To which my brain replied : “Remember this event from two years ago? Haha you’re a terrible person.” Then my body physically stiffend, I felt physically ill and my head ached and all I could do was think about past mistakes and everything that makes me a failure and bad person. Typical manageable anxiety for me at this fucking point, I’m just not gonna be able to sleep and I know it. Then I remember an old friend, I used to work with at Chili’s. Javi. Literally one of the very slim parts of the things that I don’t block out and cringe hard about when it comes to chili’s, are our times together. I block that shit hard. I mean just thinking about me in this time frame is enough to make me believe I’m terrible. I wasn’t right. I regret literally everything about chili’s. That place is a nightmare and probably what hell is going to look like when I arrive. anyways god damn. Javi is this sweet kind angel. We were all struggling at this mother fucking chili’s let me tell you. My dumb ass had just come back from vid con (2017) How did I afford that? I spent my rent money. Also I couldn’t afford to eat for like a week. But YouTube was and still is the only thing in this world that makes my brain feel calm. It’s a safe place for me. And I was dumb as shit. Anyway my dumb ass was already starving before Vidcon and could barely afford rent. :) cuz chili’s doesn’t pay well. So I was real fucked when rent came up and literally considered myself lucky when I found a packet of cheezits lying around, cuz that was a good meal to me at the time. I guess I’m telling my coworkers this and busting my ass all night bussing peoples tables and helping out as a hostess which of course paid jack shit. And I know I’m about to go home fucked another night, and Javi, pulls out the $165 dollars he made that night, and hands it to me. The boy had bills, and worked all night too. Who would ever be so kind-hearted to do such a thing. I of course refused, cuz what the fuck. He insisted. I said I was going to cry and he said “aw don’t cry Sheyenne, or I’ll cry too.” And hugged me. I was also super numb and depressed and wanted to be with Hannah so much, and honestly I don’t feel like I was my best self. I look at that person and I don’t feel like it was me. But I used it to pay rent. Still wasn’t eating and he even bought me food one day. Literal angel. I don’t know or remember if I expressed enough gratefulness. I don’t know if I was capable of expressing it. A couple months later he’s about to move to Idaho, and we have a goodbye dinner, and I figure this is a good time to repay him. I give him $100 which is all I could really do at the time, and try to tell him I think he’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. He leaves, and I think we only ever talked one time after that, and I offered to buy him pizZa but never did for some reason? We never really talked again. I alwyas momentarily remember him, but I really have chili’s and the person I was in 2017 so far blocked that I really can’t remember that shit. It’s so hazy. There isn’t a full day I can remember. Just tiny bits and pieces. For some reason two nights ago I remembered him vividly. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt panic and guilty as fuck. Paralyizying guilt. I felt like I should never deserve to enjoy anything ever again in my entire life. I felt terrible. I felt like if he ever struggled to make it or eat, then I should’ve been there for him. I stalked his fb, cuz I needed to know he was okay.

He doesn’t use social media too much. His mom however posts about him a lot. Which confused me because I know they have a strained relationship, and he could have a lot of help from his mom, but I think he resented the help, because they didn’t always get along? I don’t know how fucked she was to him though. What fb told me was she paid for him to come every few months. He has a new girlfriend that he seems very happy with, he seems happy in general. He’s smiling in pics. But that’s social media. At best pictures his moms posting. I felt like I needed to know or I was going to have a breakdown. I don’t have his phone number for some reason, so I snapped him a long message. Usually I’d feel crazy to reach out especially when we Weren’t that close but I just needed to. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t sleep. Then opened at work. The shake machine of course was fucked and I had to put it back together correctly only after shake mix poured everywhere. That’s just my life. Me doing something out of panic, and then having to redo it after looking like a dumb bitch. I truly learn from fucking up. I’m wired so fucking wrong. He finally responds once I’m off work. I read it. It’s not what I need to hear but it’s decent, and proves he doesn’t hate me. He tells me he’s good, but working at Taco Bell, and I know he’s still struggling which makes me sad, but I guess I’ve been struggling to, so I shouldn’t hold myself accountable for not reaching out. I’ve been so poor, and me and Hannah are just now catching up, and taking a breather after 2 years of struggling. I let my mind rest though because he’s alive and he’s eating and has a girlfriend and family who are looking out for him. Until the next night when I should be exhausted from no sleep. The guilt starts eating away at me again. I feel like I shoukdve sent him more money,but after a while I stopped thinking about it because of all that I was going through and that made me feel selfish. I felt that I owed him for my entire life. Maybe I blocked out how much he and his kinda gesture meant to me because anything regarding chili’s, is so far removed, and maybe that super vivid memory, is what I needed to remind me. I’ve also been struggling heavily with my mental health and off and on numb most of the time, so it is possible that I wasn’t as grateful as I could’ve been or at least didn’t properly show gratefulness. So I once again reached out and also sent $20. I really went for it this time. I said I literally need to know you’re okay and happy, and for you to know how special you are and sorry if this sounds crazy dog. Like I must’ve seemed fucking insane but I needed him to know. I don’t know why it was physically paining me so much. Maybe because of all the roommates and so called friends who disappeared without paying rent and left me fucked with no second thought of how I’d eat tomorrow. I just couldn’t bare to think that, He was out there roughing it, maybe Skiping a meal, (like Hannah and I’ve had to so so many times thanks to people who literally could give a fuck less.) After he was there when I needed help. He ended up telling me he didn’t need money, and that he did what he did because he was my fiend, and he even apologized that I didn’t have any friends at the time that would’ve helped me the way he did. He apologized. He told me that I deserved it. That really calmed me. I guess I forgot the good that I did because I just remember the bad. I guess I didn’t think about the positive effects I had on him. That I must’ve done something right for someone to care so deeply that they just handed me that kind of money, after a long shift. He saw that, and maybe he felt he owed me in a weird way. I still feel like I owe him. I wish I’d talked to him sooner. Genuinely good people are hard to find. Who tf would do what he did? Seriously. I am so glad I reached out though.

It worries me though. How small past events can trigger me so hard. It’s a snowball effect. Anxious about work, life, who I am, past mistakes, and it’s paralyzing and hurts my entire body and keeps me from sleep and makes me feel undeserving of a good life or any enjoyment. I really need to get help because it’s getting to an unmanageable point, like it was after I graduated 3 years ago. It scares me that so many past memories are blocked expect for bad ones and bits and pieces. It scares me that, there has never been a completely care free 100% happy period of my life, that lasted longer than a couple days, and now as an adult it’s an even shorter amount of time. Genuine happiness is rare and make men feel pointless. I’m empty most of the time and want things and have the capacity to work hard and achieve them but also feel that I don’t deserve them. I am capable of happiness and some days, I do feel genuinely happy even if it doesn’t last the whole day. My family and Hannah still have a lasting impact on me and even when I’m an unfeeling zombie, I still know love, and numbness makes it hard to feel but somehow not entirely impossible. Little bits of light get through the cracks, and in some ways I’ve gotten better at managing my brain, and I truly don’t want to die or think I deserve to like I once did. The guilt attacks and fears of being bad, and some how accidentally hurting someone emotionally or physically, still fuck my head up because I could never hurt anyone intentionally and feel guilt for any small pains caused alwyas. I wish I could take back many wrong words and hurtful actions done and said to loved ones, but I can’t but it’s okay because they forgive me, so I can forgive myself too. I have to let go of the past.

This really creeped in again because I started to feel excited about a fresh start and our apartment. My brain tries to tell me I don’t deserve it. I deserve to decorate with Hannah, and to allow myself happiness so that I can be happy and enjoy life and be a better girlfriend. I also need to get a new job that doesn’t make me feel like the scum of the earth.

A part from that all I’m feeling a lot better. I’m off tomorrow. I watched Phil’s new video and it made me feel hopeful, proud and nostalgic. YouTube and the youtubers that have been the stand ins for the lack of friends, have comforted me, inspired me, and put my brain to rest, and assured me I’m not as weird and alone as I think I am. That’s why I want to do YouTube. It’s a tough though. Editing takes a lot of time and I want to make things I’m proud of. I want to make music even though I’m bit a musician, I want to keep writing and actually read again like free 12 year old me did. I read and wrote so much then. I want to be that me again. I want to reach other people and help them feel less alone, I want to make a difference and I want to not feel like a failure. I just need to get past all of this guilt and I really think this is the start of that, and my journey to creating.

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dramallamadingdang · 6 years

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It’s the time of the sea-ea-son for....replies.

OK, so that doesn’t fit the song lyrics at all, does it? Or is the song so old that you have no idea what I mean? Or... Ah, whatever...

These be for @bouncersimmer, @penig, @lilleputtu, @mortia, @tamtam-go92, @dunne-ias, @mysterious-inspired, and @glabeglarn...

bouncersimmer replied to your post “I don't play a historical game but in my Bacc Teens don't go to...”

Thanks for sharing this! Helped give me some ideas on a new town I'm making!

I’m glad! The transport mirror is a handy thing to have! It opens up all sorts of interesting possibilities if you use it creatively.

penig replied to your photoset “Rain, rain, rain… My rule is that if it’s raining, nothing outdoors...”

Hey, if it's raining when your crops need tending, you go out and you get wet. And fishing is better in the rain.

Well, yeah, in the real world, but I’m trying to make things harder here! *laugh* ‘Cuz really? These folks have a super-easy life. Which is OK because it’s a total fantasy and all and I’m not trying to be “realistic,” but I don’t want to get bored and stuff.

lilleputtu replied to your photo “Over to Gabrielle Thompson’s place. She grows hay which, really, is...”

okay, the floating background sheep just gave me a good giggle :D

Aren’t they awesome? I want to photoshop little capes onto them or something... “Look! Up in the sky! It’s SuperRam!”

lilleputtu replied to your photo “But eventually things cleared up enough for Zara (and the cat) to take...”

Fresh Meat is making this sound like a Cannibal settlement D:

Well, you know, if the crops ever fail.... ;) The newest one would be the first on the BBQ, right? :)

mortia replied to your photoset “The Stowes at work…and at not-work.”

Oooh that lake/river is gorgeous!

Thanks! That was just a quickie lot I threw together because I wanted to see how that windmill worked. (It generates flour sacks that can be used to bake desserts.) I decided to put water on it so that visitors could fish, too. It did turn out to be a pretty place to take pics. :)

tamtam-go92 replied to your post “Hey, I am having a strange issue with wants in my game. When my...”

No all toddlers roll wants to learn their basic skills! I had a toddler in my bacc whose parents split up shortly after her growing up, and she would only roll wants to interact with her parents and to gain specific skills points but she wouldn't roll a want to learn to talk until her final day time nap before growing up...

No, it’s true. I’ve had toddlers who never rolled a want for any of the skills and in those cases...Well, they DO get potty-trained because that’s part of my toddler-care schedule, but they didn’t get taught to walk or talk. And that doesn’t bother me because it’s not like there’s a penalty if they don’t learn those things. But MOST toddlers roll up a want for at least one of the skills. Most of mine seem to roll wants for all three plus the nursery rhyme, but not always.

I think it might be personality-linked. Like, my really outgoing ones will seem to roll up wanting to learn to talk first, while the really active ones will want to learn to walk first and the really neat ones will roll up potty-training first. But maybe that’s just coincidence, I dunno. It is a trend I’ve noticed over the years. But maybe if a toddler is shy, lazy, AND slobby, they’ll never roll wants to learn any of the skills...

dunne-ias replied to your post “Hey, I am having a strange issue with wants in my game. When my...”

the question really is, what kind of wants are they getting instead? for example, Hobby wants are kind of borked and just keep rerolling leaving not much room for other wants (unless you edit it or avoid hobbies)

Yeah, wants can be weird. But there does seem to be something going on with their game, since I just got a follow-up ask. :) But there’s also the issue that wants can be “trained,” in that if you constantly fill one, they’ll be more likely to roll that one. The problem, of course, is that if you play by wants, you naturally fill the wants they roll, if you can...which then “trains” them to roll those particular wants more often. So, you get in these ruts. I actually don’t mind the hobby wants because they’re generally easy to fill and once filled they’ll usually roll something non-hobby-related at least until the next day, since in my game, at least, the hobby wants seem to appear mostly on the Sim’s initial want-roll when they wake up.

mysterious-inspired replied to your photoset “The cat got into a war…with a wolf. Things didn’t go so well…for the...”

Is that cat Kim? I have one in my neighborhood that's a menace ��

Yep, it’s Kim. She’s quite the spitfire. When she’s not battling wolves, she’s killing things and demanding tribute from her human slaves. Because, you know, she’s a cat. :)

penig replied to your photoset “Meanwhile, the Basset house was being invaded by…practically everyone....”

Those are some huge plums.

I know! I wish real plums were that big! They’re one of my favorite fruits...

penig replied to your photoset “The cat got into a war…with a wolf. Things didn’t go so well…for the...”

She's a smart cat and went for the nose.

She must’ve. She’s a fluffy badass.

glabeglarn replied to your post “Oh, for the love of God, Norbert! This was the fourth time in a row!...”

He loves the sensation of the green tingling itch!

He must! Either that or he’s a masochist or it’s guilt-ridden self-flagellation or something. Because if you “accidentally” get poison ivy four days in a row, then I call that not an accident. Unless you’re, like, really really stupid. But Norbert actually seems to be not-stupid. I mean, at least he doesn’t blatantly cheat on his wife in front of his wife like most of the males in this neighborhood. *eyeroll* Plus, Knowledge Sim, right? He might crave an initial experience of something -- like they roll wants to get struck by lightning, of all things -- but four times? That seems a bit excessive. So I guess the boy’s just not quite right in the head.

lilleputtu replied to your photoset “And then Hawksley Sprog #4 was born. It is, alas, another boy....”

I am not looking forward to toddler mayhem in edona's glade. You're just dealing with SO MANY. how do you do it? Is it strong alcohol? because it sounds like strong alcohol may be needed. I already struggle with one toddler sometimes D:

*laugh* Alcohol might help, but since I’m not allowed it (because I have a damaged liver), it can’t help me! :) But there’s always weed, since I live in Pot-arado. :)

Pretty much, when there’s more than one toddler, I resign myself to the fact that most of what the adults are going to do is childcare and let everything else fall by the wayside for the time that their kids are toddlers. It DOES help that the cellar fridge is now bottle-enabled, so I can feed toddlers bottles from it, which is quicker (and, oddly, fills them up longer, which I totally don’t understand but I go with it) than feeding them solid food. But basically, I resign myself to the fact that childcare is going to take up all the adults’ time, pretty much, and I get the toddlers operating on a schedule, with feeding times slightly staggered so that they don’t all need to be fed at the same time. I also use a “toddlers sleep through the night” mod which helps to maintain a schedule. They all get up at the same time, and they all take a nap in the afternoon (to give the parents time to tend to their own needs, basically), and ideally they all go to sleep at night at the same time, although that doesn’t always happen. *laugh* Other than that, I make it so that one needs to be fed upon waking, one needs to be fed right before they go down for their nap, and the other gets fed before bed at night. And now that I have bottles, I can fill in if needed here and there. On rare occasions -- like if there’s twins -- I’ll have four, sometimes even five toddlers at once, and then it gets pretty chaotic, but I still try to stick to a schedule as much as possible. It’s really the only way to do it without going insane.

Well, OK, maybe not the ONLY way. Some people feed their toddlers pet food and/or have a never-ending bottle and they let them put themselves to bed as they will on pet beds and such, so that the parents pretty much never have to interact with them to take care of their basic needs, but I don’t like to play that way. It feels neglectful. I know they’re just pixels, but it still makes me feel icky. :)

penig replied to your post “Every time I think I’m going to get back on track with keeping up with...”

Bonk the guilt on the head. Following someone is not the same as promising to view all the content. Anybody you're particularly interested in, you can go to the individual blog sometime when you're in the mood. You never get to do all the things you want to do and that's life. Don't turn your leisure into work.

Yeah, this I know in my head. Although I suppose it’s not really “guilt” so much as there’s so many people’s work that I want to keep up with or catch up with...but at the same time, I want to do a lot of other things, including actually play my game. So when I plop myself in front of the computer for a stretch of time, I end up doing other things on it besides catching up with things I want to catch up with. And I can’t even say that more hours would help because I’d likely just spend those hours not doing the catching-up I want to do, too. *laugh* I’m just bad that way.

#bouncersimmer #penig #lilleputtu #mortia #tamtam-go92 #dunne-ias #mysterious-inspired #glabeglarn #taylors-simblr #replies

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Aaa im so full of poke hype and lovv! <3

I feel like maybe doodling my kid self, for some reason?? Like embrace the nostalg and also show some love to that awkward lil kid who didnt really know who they were yet. Its interesting how much i've changed over the years!

Hell i might even draw personas of myself dressed as all the protags from all the different generations? But they'd be mostly the same for like the first 20 years, just me getting real tall and fat lol. I had almost floor length hair for SO LONG it felt really freeing to chop it all off and i never went back! I think i kept it cos it was loke.. Camoflage? The only 'girly' thing i had so i could pretend to myself that i was straight and cis. Plus a literal shield cos i could be 90% hair and just one eye poking out XD So yeah it'd be funny looking at me over time, its just this girly-looking kid getting increasingly more macho outfits and increasingly more girly hair and increasingly more socially anxious, until within the space of 18-25 i suddenly have this giant self discovery freedom explosion and change completely! Its funny how if anything i look less masculine now? Like im way more comfortable with the fact that i'm someone in between genders, and its not a binary of having to be something i'm not just to escape some other thing i'm not. Its also kinda funny how these gender roles felt so restrictive when i was crammed into one of them, yet dressing with both at once seems just as freeing as having neither. Tho still no matter how i dress i always get misgendered one way or another since non-binary acceptance is still far from the norm. But still im so much more me than i've ever been before, and its great to look back so i can realize how far i've come!

So lol maybe i'll just draw old kid me playing "her" first pokemon game, and leave out the next decade and a half of the same thing but taller. And i could just draw current me in a few different attempts at a pokemon outfit? Like when i did my sprite edits i just did me in my usual outfit i wear IRL, now im thinking maybe i shoulda designed a wish fullfillment ideal gym leader costume or something? Tho im too lazy to start the sprite edit project all over again with this new design lol. Oh and maybe also draw my pokemon go outfit? I dont wear it all the time but i had a fun lil look i wore the other day that i ended up laughing at cos i accidentalky wore all blue even tho i picked Team Valor! Now i wanna wear it all the time lol. Oo and maybe cosplay as my fave characters? If i cant afford to do it IRL i can at least draw it!

So yeh in summary somehow i feel really confident in my identity today and i wanna draw pics of me. Mild ego time!!! Or rather just wishing i could fly back in time and motivate my kid self by showing them that they woukd actually have the freedom to be themself some day. I dont even really think of it as "I used to be a girl" but just that i was always feeling this way and didnt know the words for it, or that other people felt the same way and it wasnt an 'abomination against god'. And for some reason playing a gane with selectable genders really helped me let out some of my feelings during that confused childhood of absolute repression. "I just pick a random gender each time cos it doesnt really matter right? Doesnt everyone just pick the one with the outfit they'd rather wear?" I absolutely knew that was a lame excuse and none of these other kids actually felt that way, but at least it kept people from suspecting i had queer reasons for my queer actions. In a time where i didnt even know what queer meant except that it was Somehow Bad. Gah, this is why sex education needs to be inclusive! Even when i was old enough to learn about straight sex i apparantly wasnt old enough to learn about gay and trans people! Let alone asexuality lol... Man it was a whole nother mess to be dealing with an anomolous lack of sexual attraction at the same time as i was repressing something everyone told me was 'inherantly too dirty for teenagers to know about'. For so long i was just told that crossdressing was 'a sick fetish men have for wearing women's underwear' not just.. A woman is a woman and is telling you she's a woman and you wont listen to her. And for some reason they always obsessed with MTF trans folk in these sensationalist hate sermons, i guess because 'a man who gets off on dressing like a woman' just sounds like the more disgusting version when youre a sexist homophobic transphobic piece of shit throwing your bigotry at children. And at the same time also aphobic and telling me i need surgery on my genitals if i dont want sex. Mannnn kids those days.. i really hope kids these days have it better! I hope everyone who dealt with that shit managed to find love and support eventually, even if its still a damn crime they had it denied to them during their most important childhood years. The whole concept of 'an innocent carefree childhood' is so unknown to me, its ironic people claim they want to keep "lgbt politics" away from children in order to preserve that innocent childhood...

Aaaaanyway im rambling lol! In summary pokemon was one of my only coping methods during that childhood and the only small way i could pretend someone accepted me. Even if it was just by whispering no when the professor said 'are you a boy or a girl' and being happy at the little genderless mons like magnemite or the legendaries. I dont think i would have ever realized it was actually POSSIBLE and had words for the complex dysphoria i was feeling, if i hadnt played this dumb lil series of games.

Anyway thats probably also why i never had any attatchment to gen 1 despite being born right as the first wave of pokemania was coming out. The memories i have of those times are complex. Im just excited to revisit kanto as a new and happy person and maybe make new memories! I already barely remembered actual Yellow compared to FRLG, it was kind of a trip to play it on virtual console and remember all the tiny bits of sexist writing that games used to have during that era. It was like 'whoa i never noticed this was wrong as a kid, this finally explains why it made me uncomfortable!' Also the gameplay was glitchy and the plot nonexistant and the translation rudimentary and limited. And the mons weren't very good and i prefer pretty much every other generation and especially Garbodor and Vanillite, dammit!

Ok im going offtopic again

So yeah like i said im happy that Let's Go has managed to make me hype even thougj i didnt enjoy kanto the first time around! And its good how much it represents my journey out of that shitty childhood so now i can revisit it and pretend this is my first time and None Of That Happened, Thanks

So anyway bunni draws past self. And gets emotional. And rambles for hours in a dumb post.

Ok bye

#why so many words

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theoddcatlady · 7 years

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Online Dating

“His name should be… Augustus Payne…”

“Holy shit, Mike.”

I covered my mouth to muffle my laughter as my friend typed in the name. He grinned as he contemplated what to put next. “We’re a millionaire…”

“Mike!”

“We own a houseboat…”

“Mike!”

“We love walks on the beach…”

“Holy shit Mike, you are putting way too much effort into this!”

Mike laughed and sat back in the desk chair, steepling his fingers. “Hey man. If this gets us nudes, it’s worth it,” He said.

I had to agree. I took a sip of my soda and thought for a second. “Augustus also writes poetry. He’s looking to get published,” I offered up.

“Chase, you beautiful bastard. I could kiss you.”

I grinned before I went back to looking through profiles on a modeling website. This was probably one of the stupider ideas Mike has ever come up with, pretend to be this hot guy to get some hot girls to talk to us, but there were stupider ways to spend a Friday night.

I stopped scrolling when I saw this model with some European name I couldn’t pronounce. Generic hot white guy, high cheek bones, ruffled dark brown hair, light stubble. Perfect for what we needed. “Hey man, I found a face for Augustus.” I turned my phone so Mike could look.

Mike nodded. “Got it, gimme a sec to play in photoshop though. Just to touch him up.”

“He’s a fucking model, Mike, what kind of touching up does he need?”

Apparently ‘touching up’ meant changing a few backgrounds, adding a small scar under ‘Augustus’ lip, and turning his dark brown eyes very bright blue. I had to admit, Mike was good. If I didn’t know better I’d say I was looking at a real person.

Mike added the pics to the profile and sat back.

“And now, we wait.”

We didn’t have to wait long. One round of Overwatch later and Mike was shouting, “We got a girl! Holy shit she’s hot!”

I had to disagree. ‘Justine’ could afford to lose a few pounds and had a bit of a lazy eye, but Mike was focusing on one thing… er, two things if you get the hint of my drift.

“So, Justine…” Mike spoke aloud as he typed. “What do you think about sailing?”

I snorted. The poor girl ate every line up. Mike wasn’t exactly a looker, given he was thirty pounds overweight and had a serious case of pizza face, but he had one thing on me and that was he knew how to schmooze. Meanwhile I looked okay, but I was terrible with the ladies. I’d get this terrible stutter and forget my own name.

An hour in and I was already bored, wanting to go kick some more ass as Genji, but Mike was just getting started.

“Here.”

He had jotted down the password for the account. He pressed it into my hand and grinned.

“Get some practice talking to chicks. It might do you some good.”

The next morning I picked out Janette. She was a little older, past forty, but I figured a hot guy like Augustus would get her attention. Plus, I like them mature. I sent off a message telling her hello and complimented her necklace.

Aren’t I a little old for you, sweetie?

The best part about online messaging, I found out super quickly? I could take my time formulating a decent response.

I don’t think the age difference is a big deal, really. You’re like what, thirty two?

I patted myself on the back for that one. And Janette’s response declared me the winner.

We’ll go with that. Feel like sharing your poetry with me, Augustus dear?

I thought I’d drop this within a day, maybe two or three. But as days went on, I met more and more amazing girls. There was Janette of course. We’d sext at around three AM, which I was a bit clumsy with at first but thankfully she seemed to brush it off. Valarie was a cheerleader at a nearby college, very perky and I didn’t have to ask twice for boob pics. She sent me a lot more than that. Patti was a starving artist who liked to smoke weed and talk about her newest vision with me.

It was so much fun.

Mike had a few girls I noticed he’d talk to frequently, Lauren, Heidi, Mallory, but as an unspoken rule to each other we never looked at each other’s conversations. Some things were best left to the imagination.

Course when stuff really got good I got fucking mono. Yup. Mister ‘never kissed a girl’ clearly drank from the wrong water fountain and was out for the count for three weeks. I was in no mood to talk to girls or even look at nudes. I was just not up for it. I told Mike he better have fun without me and he laughed.

When I finally felt better, I decided to see if I could repair any of the relationships I’d let grow cold. I logged onto quite the surprise though.

My conversations had seemingly continued on at normal.

I snapped out of feeling sorry for myself to read through the conversations. It was like nothing had changed. ‘Augustus’ conversed with these women as normal, sharing new poetry and sending body shots from new modeling shoots.

I got annoyed. Mike had gone through my convos, which is something I hadn’t specified he not do, but it was a little uncomfortable to say the least. I was practicing my dirty talk on these chicks! Not cool man. Not cool.

Then I read the last messages sent to Valarie.

I’ll meet you on the lakeshore. We can take a swim.

hehehe! maybe a lil skinny dipping ;)

We’ll have to see, my pixie. I imagine you look even more ravishing in person. I can’t wait to meet you.

I slammed my laptop shut and picked up my phone. Furiously I punched in Mike’s number and waited for him to pick up.

A few rings and he answered, “What’s up my man? Still dead?”

“Dude, are you serious?”

I could hear Mike pause what he was doing. “Serious about what?” He asked.

I wanted to pitch my phone across the room. “You’re meeting Valarie? I don’t think she’s gonna not notice that you’re not six foot six with washboard abs!”

Mike paused. “Dude, the fuck you talking about?”

“The dating website, you moron!”

He was quiet for a bit before he laughed. “Seriously? Chase I’ve not been on there in days. Too busy trying to find a new roommate. You up for that by the way? I know you’re kinda jobless but we could make it work!”

Too irritated to play games, I hung up and went to bed. I still felt pretty fucked up and I wasn’t in the mood to be awake anymore.

The next morning I scrolled through my Facebook feed to be barraged with news of a murder.

“Isn’t it terrible? She was only twenty one!”

“She had so much to live for.”

“She had a FULL RIDE through college! Who could do this to her?”

I was confused. We might’ve lived in a college town, but other than the vandalism during pledge week it was pretty quiet. Murder was unheard of. I clicked to an article where the victim was named.

It was Valarie. But not quite the Valarie I knew.

She had the same smile, but she was a little chubbier, wore glasses, had not as shiny and full hair… and she was in a wheelchair.

I scrolled through the photos she’d sent me, I’d never realized I hadn’t ever seen her standing up before. I was more focused on other body parts… which were a little touched up. Something I hadn’t bothered to notice.

And yeah, it was murder. She was dragged into the lake and drowned. She didn’t stand a chance.

I looked up news from the past few weeks. Although another murder hadn’t rocked my town, there were quite a few missing girls and dead bodies in cities surrounding us. And I began to piece together who each one was.

Patti wasn’t a stoner, she was a meth addict and apparently got more money for drugs by whoring herself out. Mallory, one of Mike’s girls, didn’t have a yacht, she was apparently an avid canoe lover though. Lauren was ten years older than the pictures she posted. I could go on and on.

My best friend had gone serial killer on me. All these girls we’d talked to, they were maybe as fake as we were, but Mike had apparently taken personal offense to that.

I was wondering what the hell I could do when I realized that I was getting messaged by Janette… and I was apparently messaging her back.

“So, tonight? At the docks?”

“I cannot wait, Augustus. I’m going to be honest with you though.”

“Oh?”

“I’m... working on separating with my husband. It’s a very tough process, given our kids and all, so it isn’t legal yet.”

“Ah. I see. You omitted the truth… some might call that lying.”

“Is our date still on?”

“Sure.”

My heart was pounding in my ears. I had to stop this. Janette was actually a great person, I couldn’t let her get killed by my friend turned psycho.

I hurriedly began to type out a warning.

Janette don’t go it’s a trap!

When I hit send, my stomach dropped as the message didn’t go through. No matter how many times I tried, over and over, the message wouldn’t send. I must’ve sent a dozen warnings before I realized that Janette had gone offline.

Not sure what else to do, I got on my bike and began pedaling.

It was dark by the time I got to the docks, where Augustus supposedly kept his boat. I figured this is where Mike meant. I knew Mike was seriously out of shape, so I had the advantage. All I had to do was get him away from Janette and she could run and call the cops.

Foolproof.

I ran down the dock. Where the hell was Mike? I knew he didn’t own a boat, the guy worked at McDonald’s. Did he borrow someone’s? Heck, was he even on a boat?

I skidded to a stop when I read the name off of one of them.

Narcissus.

I don’t know why that name caught my eye, but then I heard the water splashing. Not just the soft splashes of it washing on the dock. The kind where someone’s thrashing about and trying to escape.

I ran down the docks, searching for the source, when I caught a figure kneeling out of the corner of my eye. I stopped and flashed the light on my phone on him.

The man was leaned over the edge of the deck, pushing someone’s head below the water. Someone who was no longer struggling. I could make out a dark blue jacket, I recognized it as Janette’s from her profile picture. The man stood, kicked her body into the ocean, and faced me.

I dropped my phone when I saw his face. It smash and the dock and the light went dead.

We were quiet. Then he walked forward. I couldn’t move. My legs were frozen. I could only make out his muscled silhouette in the dim moonlight. He was ten feet away. Then five. Then he was right in front of me.

I recognized that face, those eerily blue eyes. He leaned in close to me, smiling.

“Hello, father.”

He clapped a hand on my shoulder. His grip was like iron.

“I got rid of another liar for you. Don’t worry, you won’t have to deal with it. Keep trying, I’m sure you’ll find me a mother soon.”

And with that, Augustus hopped onto the Narcissus and sailed away into the night.

#horror stories #scary stories #online dating #creative writing #writers on tumblr #my stories

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