#I want to feel safe to express when I am hurting and work on solutions together

[oglegoggle]

Just like, I want to receive

#this is goggles #I want to be useless and lazy and be cared for #I want to be valued when I’m not being productive and motherly and responsible #I want to be loved when I’m pathetic and needy #I want to get back what I put in #I don’t want to always have to beg and grovel for scraps and prove myself worthy of those scraps by being Superman #I want to feel valued for just being #I want to share chores without having to parent them into doing theirs or outright having to do them myself because of their idiocy #I want to share expenses without having to hold their hand through how to write a budget that they ultimately won’t follow and then pay all #the bills myself anyway without any other contributions but increased expenses for their needs #I want to feel safe to express when I am hurting and work on solutions together #I want to be regarded with legitimate priority #I want to be cared for so dearly #I want to get top surgery and not worry about how I’m going to maintain the house and eat meals and manage meds while I recover #I want to be loved like genuinely loved not just when I’m useful or convenient or fun #I want to be loved when it’s hard and I need difficult care

[trans-axolotl]

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

#personal #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #psych abuse tw #psych ward tw #ok to reblog if u want #psych abolition #mad liberation #psych survivor #it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think #lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people #but this week. his memory . my grief for him #is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad #adult. #i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in #the river. or writing things down and burning them #idk. grief is hard #six years in grief is different. but hard

[libby-for-life]

Idea

We’ve had a lot of yandere Lucifer where he captures Adam but what if Adam falls and wakes up in hell, realizes that he’s totally fucked and needs protection, and after a month or more of desperately trying to find another way out of it and getting murdered several times he admits defeat and goes to the one place he knows he’ll be… well, not safe but also not a homeless target. Lucifer’s castle

The journey there feels like a walk to his own execution. He turns around multiple times, desperately trying to find another solution but nothing works.

He finally makes it to the gates and is stoped by a pair of guards. “Tell Lucifer that Adam is here”

They do

The smile Lucifer greets him with could freeze hell

Overjoyed at the fact that he didn’t need to find Adam, his little lamb came to him.

Adam sobbed into his hands as he recounted his last horrific death. It was brutal and Adam swore he could still feel the phantom pains of those hands digging into his organs. How they ate them right in front of him.

He shivered and curled in on himself in the alleyway. Everything hurt and he just wanted to sleep. Preferably forever.

Of course, there was one idea...

Adam bit his lip. He swore to himself that he would never think of that option. There had to be a different way. He just had to be more careful.

'But that hasn't been working well, has it?'

Adam felt himself beginning to cry again. He was tired of dying. He was tired of being hurt and molested in an alleyway for the sick fucks down here.

'You could go to him. He would....well, it would be better than being homeless.'

Adam stood up, feeling dizzy by the sudden movement. He had to leave before dark. That's when they came out.

It felt like he was moving through syrup, his feet dragging as he walked to the tallest building in the Pride Ring. Lucifer's palace.

He hated how much pain and hunger he was in.

Several times he almost turned around and ran back to his alleyway. This was the only way though. He was tired of dying. He was tried of hurting.

He got to the entrance and came across a guard. They brandished their swords but Adam had seen enough blades being shoved into him for it to have little to no effect on him fear-wise

"Tell Lucifer Adam is here." The guards exchanged glances before one of them ran off to inform their king. Adam could feel himself shaking. Why did it feel like he was tying his own noose right now?

Lucifer walked outside and Adam froze at the sight of his expression. It was cold, dangerous, and obsession all woven together to form the smile that the devil wore.

"Adam. Looking terrible. Run into any cannibals lately?" Adam jerked at those words. Those words were specific. The last things he ran into was cannibals.

Lucifer was watching him suffer. Of course he was.

A gold chain wrapped around his neck and Adam yelped as he was pulled forward into Lucifer's embrace. "I'm glad you came, little lamb. Because I am never letting you go."

#hazbin hotel #adamsapple #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #yandere lucifer morningstar #yandere lucifer #send asks

[yunistayuni]

A letter to those that are depressed and/or struggling with self harm

Let's just be honest here, I have been suffering from severe depression.

I have been struggling in getting rid of self-harm for the past few years. As a self-harm addict over the years, I have gone through all sorts of mental struggles after I had developed such an unhealthy coping mechanism -- or even worse. escapism.

It was the only way I had to vent out my feelings in a family that doesn't allow expression of emotions through acts like crying, throwing stuffs etc.

I certainly knows it is a unfortunate, unwanted decision to made to vent your feelings.

You may not want to tell/show anyone of your fresh scars (or those old scars that has already faded) for now, I understand, you never have to unless you trusted a person enough to tell them about this. Wouldn't it sounds even weirder if you expose your deepest secret to anyone right?

It's okay to self-harm as it may be a temporary act to alleviate your emotional burden, feeling as if you have been a burden to others or not being able to express your feelings out by words. You don't need to hold it in, everyone has their emotions and you can always vent it through many ways that are non-destructive to yourself. Like one of my friends told me, I can punch my plushies if I felt the urge to self harm (eg. anger, sadness).

I am not going to say cliché stuffs here which has been looping nonstop all over the internet, but I just wanted you to know that you don't need to feel ashamed of your scars. Scars is a way human make record of what they've experienced and leave traces of memories, whether it is good or bad ones. Everything may seem overwhelming and unsolvable right now, but at least try first. (like what my friend told me)

I used to self harm when I was in my high school due to peer competition over academic achievements, unrealistically high expectations for myself, lack of emotional support and frequent family conflicts. Indeed, I was a whole mess back then.

But after earlier this year that one of my good friends consoled me over my self-destructive habits such as cutting, not taking antidepressants as I should and self-enforced insomnia due to abrupt termination of taking sleeping pills. I actually realize that how important it is to have someone as your mental safe place. Spam them with text messages/voice messages or simply -- just call them midst intense crying. That's absolutely fine, you are not a burden to them in anyways, don't need to be embarrassed of that you are relying or seeking help from them -- that's why we need to have friends right?

The magic lies in how, the entire thing works. Just say whatever you wanted to say, shout/scream out loud to them on what you wanted to vent. It gradually get things off your shoulders, and your mind too.

Just, remember, hurting yourself is never the solution to all the question. Don't choose "flight" this time, fight for yourself.

Love,

Exie.

0 notes

#mental health #struggle #its okay #self h@rm #you can do it

[alexandriteobscuraarchive]

I think I might've missed the posts about the situation but why did you split your blog up and (most importantly) are you doing okay? I know that was something that was a big source of stress for you. Also can people follow your new blog?

((First and foremost: thank you for asking if I'm okay or not. I know that's a rather easy thing to just assume one way or another online and I appreciate the care and effort. Also I'm sorry if you missed anything important, I tried to reblog the related posts a handful of times but you can't always reach everyone, you know? It wasn't intentional I assure you. To answer if I'm okay or not I'm....getting there, is the best way to put it I suppose? I'll try to keep this brief.

I'm taking a slight break (not a hiatus and while I do occasionally slap a post on the dash I'm not really speaking or engaging ic) from this blog because; and I'm trying to keep this is a simple as I can, I'm dealing with a lot of feelings of anger and resentment towards this blog (which I know is unfair to the people--which is pretty much everyone here---who haven't done anything wrong but I'll spare detailing you the intricacies of my deeply rooted anxieties and etc) which is harder for me to reconcile/progress with in a positive way compared to feeling stressed and lonely over on the new blog at the moment and so I'm choosing to focus my efforts over there because I feel like I can progress in a positive/healthy way, enjoy what I'm doing in a safe space, and so on. I am incredibly stressed---what I did and am still working on diligently to the best of my ability every day---is stressful to the point of being overwhelming if I think about it too hard, look at everything on the whole, etc, but it's necessary. It's necessary to enforce boundaries and not neglect myself a space where I can write what I want and what I love so dearly and that makes it worth it.

I split my blog up due to a lot of unwarranted harassment (anonymous for the most part but some people weren't, all of them have been blocked) that has been going on for months a thing that only increased in severity in spite of my earnest attempts to understand or work through what was going on, reconcile any expressed 'issues', repeat and thorough attempts to explain my side of things including offering to help people around the content that they professed to hate so strongly (said hate which bled over to me as a person and writer/roleplayer in general) and so on. It became untenable incredibly quickly---and if you followed me to alexandrite (which had a different name/center muse originally but I digress) from my former rp blog you'd know how severe the harassment there was and how I promised myself I'd handle such things in the future--- and this is me doing that. This experience on the whole was incredibly similar to the one that happened on my og blog and I promised myself that I wouldn't go through that again if i could help it.

I deserve to be treated better; both by myself and by everyone else, and this is me doing that (meaning treating myself better at the very least rather than staying in a hateful/hurtful environment) even if most days it makes me want to scream. Did I want to split everything up? To be completely honest no I did not. But I think in the end this is the best solution for everyone involved---but most of all this is the best solution for me---and once the stress ebbs a bit (and by a bit I mean a lot, a fucking lot, because I'm kinda drowning rn lol) I'm hoping to feel more secure. I'm....getting there, like I said. One thing at a time, always one thing at a time. I'm already doing good things over there and soon I'll be doing good things over here again too. Both blogs can (and will) coexist and we can all have fun together no matter where you follow me or who you want to interact with....eventually. I wish that people would realize how they treat others---that driving someone out of their own space when they've done nothing wrong, when the only thing they've done (or tried to do) is share something that they love with their friends/writing partners---isn't okay. I wish people would realize that how I was treated was not fucking okay (and most won't unfortunately) but I realized it and that, at least, is important. I said 'this isn't okay' and did what I needed to do not only to better myself (which is something that is incredibly hard for me to do; honestly it would've been impossible for me to do even a year ago) but to keep doing what I love. I'm trying to focus on that. I'm trying to let that drive me forward over everything else.

And to end on a further positive note: Yes, you can follow my new blog if you want to, all that I ask is that you make sure that your interest in the blog and the muses featured there is genuine and that you actually want to interact with them before following. If you liked them (any of them) and wanted to interact but never had the chance for whatever reason, or if we started something but never finalized anything yet, so and so forth, you're welcome to come on over because I'd love to have you. And if you don't (because as I've said a hundred times to idk how many deaf/closed ears) have any interest that's okay too. They're not for everyone and it's a lot to learn/take in even with my offering to help people in a variety of ways (an offer that is always open!), I get that and hold no resentment in that regard whatsoever, all that I ask is that you understand that I'm taking care of myself by doing this...all of this...and that I appreciate you too. The people who remain here waiting for me to come back and post for the muses here are just as appreciated as the people who follow me on my new blog. I love all of you very much no matter what and I look forward to writing with you all again, it's just that some of you will see more of me than the others will, at least for a little while.

If you want to follow my tcol blog you can go here @constellationcrowned (you'll see my self promo for the blog over here periodically as well, it's obvious af lol) or if you have any questions please feel free to contact me privately either over there or on discord. And thank you again for your kind words anon, truly, I hope you have a nice day/night and I look forward to potentially writing with you soon no matter where that might be.))

#harassment mention tw #anonymous harassment mention tw #anxiety mention tw #;;ask response: ooc #anonymous #seriously; thank you for asking after me; I really do appreciate it and I will be back here soon #long post #obviously I'm not going to detail the harassment I received; no one needs to hear that and I don't need nor want to think about it anymore #this is a chunky post that probably needs a proof but I don't care; hopefully everyone will understand me #to be entirely frank it was I do this or delete entirely; that's how severe things were and how badly they were affecting me #now if you'll excuse me I've got stars to read and a bird (and friends) to screech about

[figs-and-cigs]

you can ignore this ask if you want but do you have any good resources for being in a polyamorous relationship with someone with bpd? im also disabled with fibromyalgia and sometimes it hurts too much to even cuddle and they give me that space but it makes them miserable and i just have no clue what to do and your one post from months ago about relationships says reading is important but i dont know what to read or where to start and i dont want to run into misinformation that will make my relationships worse (also to clarify i dont have bpd, im pretty sure i have aspd so its still cluster b but i dont think i understand much about bpd other than the symptoms, idk how to help them heal) (also we cant afford therapists rn rip)

Unfortunately when it comes to books about BPD (or any cluster B pd) and relationships I've yet to find any that are worth recommending. The closest I've come is watching Crazy Ex Girlfriend on Netflix with my partner and regularly pausing it to talk about how my symptoms relate or differ. (And even then the show is dramatized but at least it's funny!)

For myself I had to learn that I am 100% responsible for my mental and physical health issues. I'm the only one who can truly understand myself and my needs - and with that I'm the only one who can clearly express to others how they can help. The best thing my partner(s) can do it make it clear that they are a safe place to communicate - and when.

Today my primary and I had a kid free day and I had expected we would spend it doing things together. Instead, I woke up midday and he spent all of his time tending to his garden - even long after I woke up. I felt immense rejection! While my initial impulse was to pout and behave negatively - I had enough coping skills to recognize that my partner was not ignoring me (he was doing things he likes to do in his free time like a normal person!), and to busy myself with things I enjoy. When he finally took some time to sit I communicated I was feeling a little ignored because I expected the day to go differently (how could he know this? He can't read my mind.) I then asked to watch a movie (solution to connect for a bit today). His response was empathetic and without judgement. Hug, kiss, movie time.

I have to remember that as partners we can't read each other's minds nor solve each other's problems. There has to be a good balance between recognizing our own autonomy/responsibility and collaboration. Which only works through communication.

In short, your partner is the only one who can help you understand them.

Things that have helped in lieu of therapy. Polysecure is a book high on my recommendation list. I've personally found a lot of help and support in groups like Codependents Anonymous and Emotions Anonymous. Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills can be learned online and there are some fantastic workbooks (DBT was created for BPD). I also really like the Emotional Freedom Technique and Somatic Therapy skills.

I think those of us with Fibro and Chronic Pain issues end up in a lot of similar situations where our partner(s) feel rejected when we can't be physical. No matter how much validation or words of affirmation we might give. I like putting my legs on someone's lap or hand holding when full cuddling is too much. When touching at all is too much sharing a weighted blanket (or giving them one) or a big stuffed animal has been a decent workaround.

Hope something in all of that helps. I appreciate you reaching out!

[youhavetokeepmovingforward]

Letssss break it downnnn

I don’t love myself…there for I…

Love someone who does not love and can’t walk away because I am no strong enough…there for I…

Continue to damage and hurt my own being which creates unwanted and unnecessary bullshit get in my way of progressing my mental health and ruining all the work I have done up until now…there for i…

Need to find a solution and act on said solution instead of just continuing to “progress” in what bullshit my mental mind fuck of a brain thinks are “good ideas”, in all actuality I know what exactly what I’m doing and I’m choosing sht in my hurt when I could just walk away but I choose not to there for i…

Don’t why I do it because I don’t like myself and think I don’t deserve better so I settle for whatever I think makes me feel the best or because I actually fell in love someone and now I don’t know how to let go…there for I…

I don’t know what to do…keep going to therapy cause maybe it still actually helps when I go for different reasons now..or do I just go because it’s just that comfortable..is it even really helping me I mean I know it helps me she saved my life I wouldn’t be here without her but I just feel like our sessions are mostly gossip sessions of me just telling you about my life and you telling me to do things that im just not doing..there for i..

i want to figure out why i feel like that..ahh idk i fucking forgot..

What do I do do these things?! How do I make myself do them?! I don’t understand

idk how or why i constantly just do things i know arent good for me? why cant i stop? why can’t i understand my own self idk

Damn man I really almost had a breakthrough and that shit fucked me up but damn idk typos or what I’m just putting this out there … there for i…

I didn’t write a lot of what I thought about as putdowns for myself and speak a lot of negativity upon myself but I won’t do that or maybe I should I just don’t understand why I continue to hurt myself?! When I do truly want good things?! Did the depression really fuck with me that deep and hard that I just really don’t have that main core care for my own damn self?! Did the depression really fry me like some fucking freeze dried potatoes?! Okay that last line was stupid asf..there for I..

Change the subject back to…me wanting to not fucking hate myself so I can actually do things and be with people who don’t make me so fucking sad because they don’t want to spend time with me but claim they care and want to be with me..but don’t show no action or proof behind that?! I got so low from the beginning thinking about not being with him i should’ve known then to let that take and leave it be instead of continuing to hurt myself by the person I care about?! Whattt, that’s so backwards what’s wrong with me that I continue in this?! Really?! because I’m “in love” ? is this even what that really is? Yooo I’m finna post this shit before I go fucking bonkers..there for I…

Am going to add to this..and say that he did express deep and emotional feeling and care for me and could see a future/loving me..I could see in his face, his eyes, his demeanor, his posture, his hand movements, he was physically struggling to express how he felt..I saw that as him opening up and being vulnerable with me knowing I’m a safe space/place for him and his feelings..idk maybe people can really put on a show…maybe I feel too deeply and I’m love blinded maybe he does feel strongly about me as he expressed I don’t know but I just can’t help but find out and it brings me so low to where I don’t understand why I do it to myself..? What did he say..I think what you are is a diamond in the rough and said I can’t pass this up, I can’t pass you up…oyyyy

Yoooo big post

-L

[talesofhamsi]

Breaking Free

Dysfunction describes how I grew up. And many posts on this blog describe the dysfunction I refer to here. I realize that I have painted my dysfunction yet failed to communicate how I am doing. 

I feel liberated for the first time. And I say it with so much gratitude that it is through the help of my close friends here in Buffalo and Chennai along with my therapist, that I am where I am today. 

Importantly, I feel the need to speak up for the people who grew up in dysfunctional homes. A few weeks back after getting into a fight with my parents, a thought seeped into me like venom.

"I would never be able to communicate my needs to my parents without compromising how I feel. If I don’t feel safe enough with them, my own family, where do I belong in this world? Where do I belong if not in my own home?"

I was haunted by this thought. I kept running in circles, hoping to forget it. It kept screaming that I didn't belong anywhere. And it felt so cold to think about not fitting in with your kind. I shudder thinking about it. 

You might ask me, have I found a solution to fit in, have I magically cured dysfunction from its origin?

No. And quite frankly, that thought is still lingering in my head. It’s a whisper now. Faint but I can still hear it. 

I say this with immense feeling of defeat, but I’ve learned to let go. I’ve completely surrendered to life's flow. I, a person who expects situations to always turn my way, have learned to release. I still worry about if one day, I wake up and want my need for control to seep into my life to narrate how my life should flow. Maybe someday, I want it. Today, I am watching myself gracefully let go of every single person, thought, and situation I have no control over. For the first time, I hope to be able to watch situations unfold and work out for me, as opposed to being the driver in the front seat. 

 I realized I had regulated my emotions. I have learned to parent myself. It is one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever done so far; to sit with my thoughts, and listen to them rather live my life delusionally. I have decided to be real with myself. And every time I feed into a dysfunctional thought, I take a step back and apologize to my inner child. 

Because we knew we deserved better. And only I could break this mad cycle for us.

And there are times when I accept certain familial patterns, behavior, and dysfunction present in my life for what it is. My heart aches with sadness that it does not look “normal”. It is so odd, hurtful, and unlike what a family relationship is supposed to be like. I ask my therapist now and then if it gets better as time passes. 

“Maybe one day you’ll fill it with a family of your own. But today, you fill it by being compassionate to yourself”, is her reply

My definition of home has changed drastically in the last few months. I remember starting here last August, I felt completely lost and alone. I started in an unfamiliar place with an entirely different way of living. I always questioned my choices and felt lost when no one controlled my actions. I was so used to living by what I was supposed to do, I forgot how to be by myself. 

It took a few failed relationships, saying no loudly to people, setting strong boundaries, standing my ground with my family, and doing what I feel is right instead of what I'm supposed to do, which has shaped me today. 

I am not here to sugar-coat that it gets better, but you will get through it, through the home you create within yourself, and the home you create with others. Home is now a place where I reside, where I feel safe, and I express my thoughts without being belittled or questioned. My home in Chennai is my home. It’ll always be my home and my family will always be mine. No matter how dysfunctional they are, they love me, and care for me in the way they can and it is still love. There is no denial there.

But I have expanded my wings to create a home for myself. And I have strong faith that the foundation is strong this time around.

#inner child #innerpower #healing #selflove #childhood #mental health #emotional health #innerstrength #difficult parents #innerbeing #family members and relatives #anxiety #black and white #shadow work #spiritual journey #self discovery #energy work

[kanside]

something sorta lame about having neurodivergence or spicy cooties or whatever the fuck the internet calls Autism and ADHD is that i will always weird people out. i give people uncanny valley because if im strange i must be unhuman. its frustrating! i am very much human, but i suffer from disorder and disability and i am unchangingly weird.

i will want to pour my life story early on in the day but not in the afternoon. i may not have time for you, and prefer indoor activities and staying home, but please still invite me to leave the house as much as possible because i deserve to have the option and i will often take it. i may act in a pattern which will cause your pattern-seeking brain to define my personality, but my patterns will always be determined by complex problems and the personality you see is a miscommunication. for example, i may say i want to talk to you more often, but seemingly not make effort to do so. you may think its rude, and that's fair to think that, but the motivation is not to be rude or hurt you. my days are defined by a pattern of different obstacles and pains to overcome, and i post about them here to give insight into why i act the way i do. these obstacles drain me, so unfortunately by the end of the day when my friends just woke up, all i want to do is rest my mind and do something like watch mha, south park, or play sims 4 - really whatever im into atm.

this doesnt mean i dont make mistakes or misbehave, im not making excuses. i admittedly have emotional problems and for as long as i can remember i have been evolving and working to change them. this means be critical. dont be abusive or criticize things that are utterly out of my control, but truly criticize every action i take. i have a behavior disorder as well as ADHD and anxiety, the lines often become blurred and i cant tell right from wrong in the moment. if you feel frustrated with my behavior or see habits you disagree with, and you either want me to apologize, explain why i acted that way, and/or change my behavior, you should clearly express how you feel and what i did that was wrong. correct my behavior in the moment and dont be afraid to be critical, i can take it. my feelings may become hurt and i may be confused, but in that moment it is not your job to comfort me, i only expect information and what i can do to better the situation. truth is that in person i lose my temper quicker, and its very hard to have this conversation if we're not close, so i definitely recommend doing this over text/message. its fine to do it in person if there is a safe space, but i only really have successful conversations like that with someone im extremely close in (ie. my parents!) when online i can hold more emotional strain and effective communication is easier to pull off.

i know that sounds like a lot of work, but the truth is that relationships (yes, especially friendships) require an extreme amount of dedication and effort. again i should not be babied or excused, however it isnt fair to assume we're friends if you ghost me or launch anger at me all at once. the most effective way to conmunicate with me, with the intention of repairing a relationship, is to directly and clearly communicate with me your feelings and expectations, and work to come to a solution.

i will tell myself that this is because i struggle with communication, because im autistic and cant read your mind, but the truth is that everyone deserves this treatment. it is not an attack to privately hold a friend accountable for mistakes, misbehavior, bad habits, or hurtful words. as long as the goal is to fix a problem, mend feelings, and make yourself feel safe and worthy in a relationship.

if you dont value these aspects of communication, i dont want to be your friend. this post started out as a little ramble about how autism can affect first impressions, and now its devolved into a vent about how i expect friends to engage conflict. i know i got off track, but i have a point.

my point is, every sort of relationship (friendship, love, allyship, business partners, whatever) absolutely REQUIRES direct, clear communication.

ive decided that i will not put up with people that ghost me, that add dramatics to genuine conflict, that jump to conclusions without asking, people that engage in conflict in unhealthy ways. my expectation is that if you have the slightest anxiety or frustration, you reach out calmly and clearly, you express how you feel and what you expect, and we have a conversation about why it happened and how we can find a solution.

it sounds like a lot, but its geniunely not hard. this is how relationships are held over time, and people refusing to do this are why relationships online and in person, especially with neurodivergent people (or just people who prefer direct communciation), do not last long.

uhh sorry for all the negative tone, rant over!

[gakomondad]

Day 2 - Overthinking

I slept a lot, not wanting to get up Memories are painful Need constant distraction

I still dont know if baby wanted to break up but didnt want to hurt me so she tried going for an easier route I still of course dont know if she wont miss me and will decide she doesnt want to be with me after time But it hurts But I trust her so that makes it easier, just gotta shift mind to that manualy and I feel better (:

Looking back I feel like communication would have helped, I had no idea I was that heavy for her It came out of the blue to me despite how down she felt before that, I thought I only helped I made it difficult for her tho

I got super emotional but pushed down so I can talk it out and convince her we can be a partnership and communicate and figure it out, but later I let my emotions out and I regret it

I felt like I meant so little to her that she didnt wanna figure out a solution, thats how it felt, so I wanted to be away for a bit I didnt realize that might play right into her issues with the relationship by worrying about me and what she should do

I feel like baby was trying to be a constant pleaser to me, I didnt realize until today Putting so much effort into the little things, when her life is already tough…. I couldnt handle that myself in her shoes... Im deeply sorry... And when the effort is crushed… like how I unintentionally made her feel bad… then it just seems like a trap situation where work is hard and for no reason

I am not sure if thats the case but I could understand if so looking back I really hope we could establish better communication and a feeling of equality Babys needs are just as important, but I need to know them! She is not responsible for my happiness, I am a grown ass man (: She can influence me of course, the same way I can her But there needs to be clear communication in a safe accepted space So we can adjust I should do a better job making her comfortable and not feel responsible for me, thats entirely on me! She could put trust in that operation and test it out (: I hope I do a better job, will work on myself rn and long term

I wouldnt mind giving space, not just alone time I feel that one of my other mistakes were not giving her space but talking to her I keep on wondering if I only didnt share how I felt and I was stronger, while giving her space instead… maybe it would be good.. But I wouldnt have the realization until now…… such is life And thats okay

Learn and move on (:

I can find a balance within myself now with better understand but also need to work on that long term Will need to establish comfort for baby so she feels independent and comfortable to bring up anything I am neither her parent nor child, I can handle stuff (: we should communicate as equals !!! Especially would be easier if its small stuff while its going on, little concerns, makes it difficult for both when its all at once But that will also get better with time and is understandable for rn (: My therapy appointment is moved to the 31st of October, I hope that gives me some clarity… its still 10am rn… will see how the day goes Therapist sent me an email with a test to do... I am procrastnating on that haha, will do it during lunch time tomorrow (:

Just some random thoughts: Moving on if we were to do this, we might benefit from a weekly relationship mental wellness check with preset questions and safe space like: "how do you feel about us" "Is there something weighing on your shoulders about us" "What is something you haven't shared with me this week for whatever reason, its valid and its welcome, I will do my best to provide a safe space for expression" "Is there something that looking forward might not be sustainable, maybe too much of this or that, that you would like us to adjust so it doesnt turn into a bigger thing later?" "Please share if any worries of this weeks events with me"

Mostly cause what happened was a big deal and I would prefer if I was making things easier for baby instead of heavier, no matter how, be it with space or whatever (: we can communicate better, I can provide more comfort for both of us

It should not be seen as a responsibility tho, should be seen as an opportunity to make things better even if its a bit of extra work, making things sustainable would be much much better (: Should always be honest, maybe the most difficult part

I wish I could have wished baby a safe flight.... She's was on my mind anyway, I really hope all went well and she is doing okay.... fuck I miss her... 😩 I went to see my parents today, people were concerned about me cause I was more honest this past week about my mental health the past year... actually ever since 16 and how I've been to therapy on and off They seemed concerned and understanding, I am being more vulnerable, I think I am gonna try to not close off but just stay in the middle with them, not open too much, nor close off, I think thats just the healthy way as of rn I just want something sustainable and to work on my attachment style (: Went to see Jaws with my uncle and his wife The movie was goood, I actually really liked it, no wonder its a classic! At the end my Uncle said "keep strong", mofos are getting too concerned like wth, I havent changed stuff, I EVEN AM BETTER than a year ago 😩 Anyway... I feel weird saying uncle and his wife but I cant call her aunt, she is like 5 years older than me They are so cute together, she doesnt care about people and being social, just wants to be alone or with him At the mall food floor, my uncle was on the phone for a long time so she pulled him by his belt and slapped his butt, he got embarassed hahaha Man I wanna be adored that way in public 😩 Maybe I just wanna be happy like them He really loves her and takes care of her and he's happy, I love that! She also really loves him, I can see that, she is happy! They also are caring for me and are really nice... I feel grateful My dude got a good looking russian woman thats close to 20 years younger to wife up while he's unemployed, bald and she is the breadwinner and on top of that she loves him, thats it... He used to have women in his life for his money when work was going well, superficial relationships... He wasnt happy... not like this Its a weird world but I am very glad for them, been seeing them almost every week, skipped last weekend... good stuff (: Anyway, I worked a little today, doing laundry and will relax soon I miss my baby, I hope she is doing well I hope her move was alright I hope her stuffy nose got better and she is healing well (: This blog stuff kinda keeps me sane so far ngl Final thing, I don't blame baby for anything... not at all What happened was inevitable and probably good long term We will learn and move on (: Ill do my best to meet baby as a better man...

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

The Flat Tire Part 7

I think there will be one or two parts after this including the epilogue, however, I am planning to do little one shots every now and then. I never expected this series to get so long or to be so well-liked, I'm very grateful for all my readers and engagement.

Part 6

Warning: Angst, Clay is a misogynistic dick, Juice is a sweet puppy and must be protected at all costs, hurt/comfort, Chibs is an idiot and can't express his feelings, love confessions. SMUT, MINORS FUCK OFF, it still makes me feel a little silly to write smut so I would love feedback.

2,509 Words

Despite the crazy night, Chibs couldn't find it in himself to fall asleep. You had started the night (more like early morning) laying on opposite sides of the bed, only just touching, but as time went you and you slept deeper, you moved closer to him.

He couldn't pinpoint why, maybe it was worry, perhaps it was the fear that you would leave the moment he was asleep, but more and more, it was becoming about making sure his lower half didn't make things inappropriate. The last thing he wanted to do was take advantage of the fact that you were scared and felt safe with him, he wanted your affection to be genuine.

Sometime just before the Sun rose, you had rolled into his arms, he could smell your conditioner and feel your breath rise and fall against him. Despite the niggling of need, he felt peaceful, and he was dreading having to get up.

Regardless it was still pretty early and he hoped he would have a few more hours with you before he had to face the day. He never thought he would find someone after Fiona, especially not someone he would consider a future with.

He had known you for just under a month and he could picture his life with you, a nice house, a few kids, and of course, a dog or two. It frightened him, before you, he was content to go from woman to woman without so much as a thought.

None of that mattered now, he wasn't going to pull you into his life without telling you the truth first, the whole truth.

You woke with a start, this was not your bed, nor your home. The anxiety passed fast, Chibs was holding you and running his hands over your back.

"Morning Lass" his voice was harsh with the lack of sleep.

"Morning Philip, did you get any sleep?" you were too tired to consider the implications of waking up in his arms, you were content to spend the next few moments in peaceful bliss before you had to get up and deal with everything that happened last night.

Chibs was torn between lying to prevent you from worrying and telling you the truth because he knew it was wrong to lie to you.

"A little, it's kind of hard to fall asleep when I'm worried about Clay busting in to send me somewhere." You could tell he wasn't being 100% truthful but there's was no point going over it now.

"Thank you for watching over me, you didn't need to do that." You didn't want to call him out for putting you before sleep but you wanted to be appreciative as well.

"I should go into work today, missing one day could mean thousands down the toilet." A very unimpressed look crosses Chibs' face, but only for a fraction of a second.

Chibs didn't want to control you or make it seem like he was telling you what to do, but he also didn't want you to leave the compound. He had to come up with a solution fast or he was going to have to demand that Clay let him go with you everywhere.

"Why don't you go into the store with Juice and Jess, Juice and keep you both safe and I'm sure Jess will be able to do something for her kids while she's there."

You liked that idea, over the last few weeks you had grown very close to both of them and it would be nice to have some company.

"Sure, I think that would be nice. As long as Juice doesn't eat all the food."

Chibs gave you a hearty chuckle at that, it drifted off into a genuine smile and when his eyes meant yours they were filled with a soft joy.

Then there was a silence, you could see him looking from your lips to your eyes and back again. Against your better judgement, you leaned in and closed the distance.

It felt different than the first time, there was far more to it, it was almost as if he was trying to tell you something.

You didn't know how long it took but Chibs was rolling on top of you and you were reaching down to grab the hem of his shirt.

The things left unsaid were filling a distance you didn't know was there, everything suddenly felt alien.

"Stop please" your tone was desperate and unsure.

Chibs stopped immediately and moved his hand from your ass to your ribs.

"What's wrong love?" He sounded so concerned, it was clear that sex was now the last thing on his mind.

"We really need to talk about what's going on. I mean, we've gone from barely knowing each other to my life being at risk to us getting ready to fuck. I just don't know where we stand."

Chibs had about a million different emotions cross his face all at once.

Before he could respond, you spoke again.

"I know about the Irish and the guns. Two AFT agents came into the bakery one day and I overheard everything. I don't care, you're not hurting anyone, at least directly."

You took a deep breath.

"I'm all in, I'm here Chibs and I'm not going anywhere."

Chibs was lost for words, you weren't even his old lady yet and you have willingly accepted his lifestyle without thought, he didn't know whether to be grateful or worry that you were unstable.

"Lass.. I"

"I'm not done Philip." you sounded more sure of yourself now.

"I know we haven't known each other long so this is going to seem crazy but I love you Philip, I love you."

He looked shocked and then overjoyed.

"Oh, Lass. I love you too." the smile on your face was totally involuntary, and his face reflected yours.

He leaned in to kiss you again but this time it was chaste and gentle, any distance was gone and all that existed in the world were you and him.

You pulled away from each other, it could have been seconds later, it could have been hours.

"We need to get this mess sorted before we keep going, I want our future to have a good start." Chibs looked a little sad but he didn't protest.

Knock knock

"Chibs, we've got to go, they found the guys." You had never disliked Jax so much than in that moment.

Chibs looked at the door then back at you. He lifted his hand up and ran his fingers over your cheek.

"Duty calls y/n. I'll be back soon then we can talk about this."

************************************************************************

It was the Aryans, they were angry that Darby was had been pushed out of Charming again so they decided to cause problems for the club. Despite the rest of the club wanting to end this once and for all, Clay felt that Darby still had his use. So Clay let him and his cronies live, and told them that from now on, Darby would be his inside man from dealing with the Neo-Nazis.

This was fast becoming a turning point for the guys, coming after their women was unacceptable and Clay didn't seem to care.

Jax was the first to speak up.

"We can't let this slide Clay, what if it was Mum?" Clay gave Jax a look that could freeze hell.

"But it wasn't Gemma. Those two aren't even old ladies, we don't own them anything and certainly not that red headed slut" Thank God Juice was with you and Jess and not here with Clay.

"This is insane, we have to do something or the next time might be worse" Tig's response was a surprise, he had always been up Clay's ass.

"THAT'S IT, IT'S DONE. WE'RE DONE HERE, NOW GO HOME AND BE WITH YOUR WOMEN" Clay left no room for argument, it was final.

************************************************************************

The trip back to the Clubhouse was short and filled with tension, and everyone felt that this wasn't the end of the conversation despite Clay's outburst.

Chibs didn't stay long, he wanted nothing more than to be with you at the bakery, so that's where he went.

When he arrived, he could see Juice sitting at a table near the door, looking vigilant. He couldn't see you or Jessica so he assumed you were both in the back.

Walking in was like taking a breath for the first time in hours, he could smell browning sugar and vanilla and there was French-style Jazz playing softly.

You and Jess came out to greet him, covered in flour and food dye.

"We made crazy cupcakes for Jess' students" your tone was so happy, it reminded him of a little kid who just found a cool rock.

Chibs was unsure of how to respond, he had never seen you so bouncy.

"What are crazy cupckes?" he had an idea but he wanted to hear your voice in that tone again.

"They're cupcakes with lots of colours and decorations, Jess is going to use them to teach the kids about mixing colours." It was just now that he was seeing the bright green icing on Juices' chin.

"Did you sneak one Juicy boy?"

Juice huffed out a laugh. "Just one, and some cookies."

Chibs tried to look indignant.

"Where's mine?"

"I don't work for free, if you want something you'll have to help us clean up" you didn't say it with any force.

Chibs walked to the kitchen with a skip in his step.

"Well then, I'm yours for the afternoon", he finished with a wink and a charming smile.

************************************************************************

Chibs took you home at around 7pm, with the danger gone, there was no need for you to stay at the Clubhouse. He helped you clean up the mess as best he could, you were lucky that Gemma did some when she collected your clothes.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" that was a loaded question.

"If that's what you want." your tone indicated that you were picking up on Chibs' other inference.

"Alright then, Do you have a guest room or am I on the couch?" How noble.

"You can stay in my room with me if you want?" You got a different kind of smile at that.

"Ok Lass."

**************

It was getting late, the stars were out in force and the traffic was barely there.

You and Chibs had talked more over dinner, it soon became apparent that there's was nothing to worry over. You both knew what you wanted, each other.

You were getting ready for bed. Chibs having already showered was waiting for you in bed. Your blood was flowing faster than normal, you realised that tonight would probably end in you two fucking, you just didn't know what that meant in regards to your standing with the club, Clay especially.

You walked out of the bathroom in an oversized cake T-shirt, and Chibs let out a low whistle.

"Shit y/n, you look pretty in everything." Pretty, what a gentleman.

He was sitting up in bed, shirtless with the covers slung over his hips.

Fuck it.

You were climbing on top of him before your brain told you to, he was so warm and you could feel his muscles adjusting to your weight. His face changed, he was looking you up and down like you were a dear and he was a hungry lion.

"What do you think your doing?" You did your best to give him a sexy smile.

"What I've wanted to do since we met."

You kissed his face, not quite his lips but not his cheek, and then you were moving down his body.

His skin was firm under your lips, you could feel him jump just a fraction each time you touched another part of him.

You reached his boxes and he took a deep breath, as you pulled them down his dick hit his stomach.

Oh God

"Can I keep going?" He looked at you like you had four heads.

"If I ever say no to that shot me."

You threw out one short laugh before descending on him. He tasted clean, his skin was smooth and soft. After a while, he started making these noises and you couldn't decide whether you wanted to go harder so he'd be louder or pull back and antagonise him into going further.

You decided on the latter.

"What!?" he tried to sound upset but it didn't really work, he was too busy trying to bring the blood back to his brain.

"I want more Philip" he was sitting up again and reaching out to you.

"I can do that."

He touched you with such reverence, like you would crumble under his fingers if he was too rough.

Your breath was caught in your throat as his fingers differed under the elastic of your underpants, you could feel the callouses on them as he ran them over your slit.

"You're so wet y/n, is that all for me?"

You wanted to respond with sarcasm but you didn't have the brainpower.

"Yes." it came out more breathless than you intended and he gave you a knowing smile.

"Good, you're mine now and I'll kill anyone that tries to touch what's mine." Had this been in the daylight, you would have had to pull him up on that, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

His fingers kept up their campaign until you felt your core tighten.

Oh God he was good at this.

"More please" he looked over your face for any sign of fear or uncertainty, when he found none, he was pulling his fingers out of you and pulling you on top of him.

"I love you y/n." he helped you slide onto him and help you there for a breath.

"I love you too Philip."

He started rocking his hips while moving yours up and down, you were under no illusion of who was in charge.

Slow at first, then faster and faster until everything was a blur and all you could see was Chibs.

You leaned down to kiss him, and he sat up and moved his hand to grab your hair.

"God you're the amazing thing I've even seen."

"I doubt that handsome" a different expression came over his face, your bait was working.

He was flipping you under him with such speed.

"I'm going to make you regret that."

************

You had lost count of the passing hours, and when it was all said and done, Chibs cleaned you up with a damp cloth then carried you to the bathroom to finish cleaning up.

The sheets had been changed when you came out and Chibs was waiting with open arms.

"Shall we call it a day my love?"

"Oh please" you didn't realise how tried you sounded.

You climbed into bed a laid your heart on his chest, you could feel the thump thump of his heart.

"I love you y/n, with all my heart."

"And I you Philip."

Epilogue

We're done, there will be an epilogue released in the next few days, I hope everyone had fun and found the ending (so far) satisfying. The epilogue will be a look into their future, all happy I promise.

#Chibs x reader #sons of anarchy #fluff #chibs telford #sons of anarchy fluff #sons of anarchy imagine #smut #chibs imagine #chibs smut

[btschooseafic]

a03 recs - completed fics

edited: 5/6/22

okay, so this is going to get too long, so i’m going to stop adding to it, new recs will go into the categorized lists.

Here Is What I Know by Oh_Hey_Tae [completed]

jungkook x namjoon, lil bit namjoon centric, soulmates au, soulmates writing shows up on each other’s skin, college au, tw: panic attack

okay, there is so much so good about this. even though it’s not the main focus, the platonic love between ot7 made me melt. namjoon’s panic attack was so relatable. the descriptions of jungkook’s drawings were beautiful.

* Tell Me Again by Oh_Hey_Tae [completed]

yoongi x tae, college au, depression, ptsd, anxiety, deaf characters, mute character, neurodivergent character, friendship, roommates

yoongi falls in love with tae’s voice. / this fic was super emotional. I want to wrap jungkook in a blanket but he’d probably kick my ass for saying that… namjoon, as jin says is The Best Boy. they are all terrific friends tho, and at the same time human and flawed, and their flaws hurt themselves and each other but also help them understand each other.

When Night Comes by Oh_Hey_Tae [completed]

ot7, jungkook centric, supernatural creatures, polyam, college au

cool magic system with lots of different magical creatures. Jungkook is super lovable. the twist at the end was a little heart breaking? super emotional. very interesting plot wise.

Up We Go by Oh_Hey_Tae [completed]

jimin x taehyung x yoongi, witches, grief/mourning, depression, magic shop au, some soulmates au vibes

great chaptered fic! interesting world building! I love the descriptions of the magic. tae deserves so much love. if you’ve lost someone this might feel cathartic to read.

Found You by Oh_Hey_Tae [completed]

namjoon x jin, namjoon centric, witches, depression

cute one shot. namjoon is struggling with depression (I like magic systems were magic isn’t a solution for depression but just another tool in your arsenal to help you) and jin opens up a bakery nearby. the friendship is great in this fic too. jimin x tae x jungkook are chaos and yoongi’s scene made me laugh out loud.

Pull Me Under by Oh_Hey_Tae [completed]

hoseok x namjoon, lifeguard! hoseok, kind crack energy, working at a resort

the ending to this is wild, made me laugh a lot. jungkook is a sweetheart. I am weak for namseok. namjoon’s reaction to hoseok talking about books and philsophy is just...

Cornerstone by vmkhoney [completed]

jungkook x jimin x yoongi, magic, threads of fate, neighbors au, jimin is a soulweaver, witches

the Something old, Something New series by vmkhoney [completed]

ot7, supernatural creatures, magic shop au, trauma recovery, depression, immortality, witches, polyam

Meritocracy by saylilirose [completed]

ot7 x reader, hybrid au, polyam, reader is a hybrid rescue person

this author’s fics have like… strong crack energy, and some elements that aren’t my cup of tea, tbh, but their word building and plot development is super strong

Safely Together by saylilirose [completed]

ot7 x reader, hybrid au, polyam, a little more domestic than the above fic

For the Books: An Unlikely Holiday Romance by joonswhistle [completed]

namjoon x reader, date auction au, christmas fic

Leveled Up by joonswhistle ♥ [completed]

seokjin x reader, they meet playing a video game, noona!reader, divorced!reader

Roommates with Benefits by joonswhistle [completed]

namjoon x reader, roommates au, fwb to lovers au

Growing Pains by glitterandgilt [completed]

ot7 (could be read as pre-relationship or platonic), idolverse, nice non-sexual intimacy, a/b/o dynamics

short fic with omega jin taking care of presenting omega jungkook.

Good Hands by glitterandgilt [completed]

ot7, jungkook centric, a/b/o dynamics

I love fics that play with the idea of what a ‘typical’ omega is. The focus on hands to express Jungkook’s identity struggles make this fic kind of poetic and pretty :) (and there’s a nice sequel fic as well that shows recovery is hard work but maybe still worth it)

Shatter Proof by glitterandgilt [completed]

ot7, hoseok centric, cupid!hoseok x everyone else, magic shop, fantasy au, magical realism hobi is extremely sweet and oblivious

The Perfect Color by sleepydrabbles [completed]

ot7, everyone x taehyung, taehyung centric, powers, futuristic

taehyung attracts nightmares. he meets bangtan, a famous group of nightmare fighters / very soft and poignant. great world building and emotional, poetic descriptions. loved that one scene with jk and tae in the rain.

Our Fake Omega by Sialucky [completed]

ot7, ot6 x jungkook, jungkook centric, jungkook has tramua, royals, violence, adventure, manipulation, action, polyam, a/b/o dynamics

jungkook gets off to a rough start with the others, but I love the way their relationship developed slowly over time, and everyone’s character growth together. tae’s part of the story in particular made me emotional.

Defective by veausy [completed] <3

taehyung x jungkook main pair, a/b/o dynamics, werewolves

this really tugged on my heartstrings. lots of identity exploring and dealing with being ‘different.’

like a sneeze but better by veausy [completed]

cupid!yoongi x idk some other supernatural creature! jimin, magical realism

yoongi is only able to tell lies for the day. loved the little twist at the end! like, it was kind of bittersweet, but super interesting and well written.

Unbitten by veausy [completed]

taehyung x jungkook, jungkook pov, a/b/o dynamics, college au, roommates au, friends to lovers

omegas are able to smell when an alpha is interested in them. jungkook is grateful taehyung is an alpha and can’t smell his interest. except, then he does.

sweeter than sweet by fdngfst [completed]

aro!jimin x ace!jungkook, a/b/o dynamics

i love love love the communication in this fic. like the respect and empathy these two have for each other is so great. the scent descriptions are nice too!

better between us by fdngfst [completed]

ace! omega! jungkook x ace! alpha! taehyung x alpha!yoongi, polyam, a/b/o dynamics

taehyung, who always thought he was a beta, is startled when he goes through his first rut. taehyung’s internal conflict was really interesting! the relationship between the three of them was super cute!

come here often? by fdngst [completed, part of an ongoing series]

vampire!ace!yoongi x human!ace!namjoon, supernatural creatures

namjoon teaches yoongi about the term asexual. yoongi is thrilled :)

Just Hold On by idyllic_hummingbird [completed]

ot7, pre-established, mystery, adventure, implied sexual content (but nothing detailed), trauma recovery, hurt/comfort, polyam, magical realism

people who have magical abilities are called Touched. they sometimes live together with Untouched in polyamorous love groups so they can take care of each other. ot7 are a nomadic love group who are camping out in a field when they find something unexpected/ okay, so the suspense is amazing. the caretaking moments are beautiful. the relationship is balanced.

To Build A Home by idyllic_hummingbird [completed]

ot7, polyam, college au, tramua recovery, coming of age, magic, magical realism

prequel to just hold on. they are both very good!

Seeking Solace by starchase [completed]

hybrid!hoseok x witch!jungkook, magical realism,

I love how their relationship develops, all the friends that weave into their lives, and just their live style in general. jungkook introduces hoseok to ghibli movies, but this fic kind of feels like a ghibli movie :)

The Things We Feel by starchase [completed]

vampire!hoseok x ace!witch!namjoon, witches, vampires

cute soft vibes.

From Little Acorns Grow by starchase [completed] squirrel hybrid! hoseok x yoongi, cute/fluffy hoseok and yoongi have recently moved in with each other, and hoseok is storing nuts everywhere for the winter.

Your Wish Is My Command by CelestialSilences [completed]

ot7, polyam, sad backstories, pocket dimensions, mental health issues, loneliness, magical realism, witches

jimin meets taehyung, a cornerwitch. then jimin becomes a cornerwitch and the cycle continues. the ending of this fic surprised me, but I really liked it

Paint My Heart Red (and keep it, it’s yours) by celestialsilences [completed]

ot7, ot6 x jungkook, jungkook centric, they live in a train, based on the run mv, (non idol) modern, polyam

These Arms Are All I Have by INeverHadMyInternetPhase [completed]

queerplatonic ! aroace!witch!yoongi x ace!social work!jimin, chronic pain, fantasy au, witches

idk why there are so many ace witch stories on ao3 but I am loving them. jimin as a social worker is a nice touch, and I really liked the world building with his curse. I would love to know more about the other characters as they’re portrayed in this.

I Won’t Tell Anybody (That Your Voice Is My Favorite Sound) by INeverHadMyInternetPhase [completed]

queerplatonic! ace! witches! yoongi x jimin x jungkook

jungkook has been hiding out since discovering he’s a witch, until he accidentally makes a telepathic connection with two other witches.

I Don’t Need No Fairytale by INeverHadMyInternetPhase [completed]

aroace!jimin x ace!yoongi, jimin pov, tae is a good friend, fake dating au, royalty au, bookshop au lil bit

crown prince jimin wants his mom to stop throwing suitors at him. book shop owner yoongi wants his dad to stop asking for grandkids. jimin suggests a fake relationship. / okay so this is adorable and the perfect fairytale for aspec readers!

Bond With Me (both of you) by INeverHadMyInternetPhase [completed]

jimin x yoongi x hoseok, jimin pov, jimin is a cat familiar, yoongi and hoseok are witches, jimin has an incident and hoseok is here to help

let the light in by sharpa [completed] need an account to read!

yoongi x jungkook, jimin x taehyung, magic shop, college au, jungkook centric, found family, trauma recovery, magical realism

okay, so… this is so good. one thing I love, is although this isn’t polyam, it doesn’t dismiss that the love of the other boys is just as important as the romantic relationships. we’ve also got ace!jimin, it’s not a major theme in the story (although it’s still a lovely detail that does impact jimin’s character/life/relationship).

delta by sharpa [completed] need an account to read!

hoseok x yoongi, yoongi x hoseok x namjoon, jimin x jungkook, taehyung x jin, america, sexuality crisis, rapper/idol!namjoon, self discovery, miscommunication, hurt/comfort

namjoon hasn’t spoken to hoseok and yoongi for seven years, since he left them to start a solo career. when he is outed by dispatch, hoseok offers him his spare room in queens, new york.

leave the ruins where they fall by sharpa [completed] need an account to read

jungkook x taehyung, yoongi x hoseok, hoseok x yoongi x namjoon, jin x jimin, sexual assault, torture, slavery, caste system, royals, dystopia, magic, hurt/comfort, action/adventure, mystery

very dark dystopian fic. a gross society, but there is hope. and there is comfort

home is the sea reflected in your eyes by anyadisee [completed]

witch!yoongi x mermaid!jimin, magical realism, witches, mermaids

jimin comes to yoongi to get legs and ends up living with him for a couple of months. nice relationship development. cute ot7 moments. love yoongi’s familiar.

in this blue light by anyadisee [completed]

yoongi x jimin, magic, dragons, side hoseok x taehyung

taehyung claims a dragon has stolen the necklace hoseok gave him. jimin, who has a thing with animals, goes to get it back, and ends up meeting yoongi.

charmed by kaythebest [completed]

jin x namjoon, dragon!namjoon, side yoongi x jimin x taehyung

this fic has real howl’s moving castle (more so the book than the movie) vibes. the magic is a character in an of itself, and lovely to read about. I want to go on adventures with jin and stay in namjoon’s cave.

if i wanted to (i do) by kaythebest [completed]

taehyung x jimin, taehyung pov, royalty, arranged marriage, strangers to friends to lovers

take me out (we’re going down) by kaythebest [completed]

yoongi x jungkook, jungkook pov, college au, age difference, asexual character

yoongi hits jungkook with his car. yoongi does his best to make it up to him. jungkook thinks he’s cool, but is worried about what exactly yoongi wants from him

to the moon and back by kaythebest [completed]

taehyung x jimin, taehyung x jimin x jungkook, witches, werewolves, supernatural, small town, prejudice, murder, mystery

jimin and taehyung deal with supernatural creatures professionally. they are called into a small town to deal with a werewolf who has been stealing twinkies and scaring chickens. there might be more to it than that / this fic made me sad, but, like, in a good way. the relationship between the three of them, the way they play off of each other, is great. powerful dad yoongi is great.

Deep Down by SweetTae613 [completed, series ongoing]

ot7 x oc, hybrid au, polyam

oc is sweet. I love a ‘we’re on the run’ kind of story.

Home of Fate by Finnyan [completed]

ot7, roommates au, lowkey supernatural, lowkey soulmates au, polyam, lil bit mystery, ace! character :),

seven young men are called in by a lawyer and told that they have inherited a house from a woman they’ve never met before. / I love the gentle way the relationships form, the mystery, how they support each other.

The Stigma of Singularity by Finnyan [completed]

ot7, taehyung centric, they’re all elves, curses, elemental magic

Taehyung blows out a candle in a tea shop, wishing to find the place where he belongs. Later he meets the other six, who want to help Taehyung break the curse he is under. / I love the relationships between the characters! the plot is interesting and exciting! the world building and magic systems are nicely done :)

Singularity of an Inner Child by Finnyan [completed]

ot7, taehyung centric, they’re all elves, curses, elemental magic, college, coming of age

sequel of the stigma of singularity, picks off where it leaves off. i love the theme of not knowing what you want to do next in life, and everyone supporting tae with that.

It Might Just Come Back To Bite You by Arobeebee [completed]

ot7, jungkook centric, vampires, hybrid au, supernatural creatures, polyam, college au

similar set up as the above fic with jk as a struggling college student who meets the others who are supernatural creatures in a polyam relationship. except in this one ot6 are all vampires. and jk is part bunny hybrid. starts tae x jungkook. Anyway, they have different writing styles that are both very good, interesting world building, and jungkook who works too hard and deserves all the love. both have somewhat overpowered seokjin tho, which I am now finding is a thing I like.

The Stowaway by Arobeebee [completed]

namjoon x seokjin x hoseok x yoongi x jungkook, jungkook centric, space au, aliens, spaceship, some star wars vibes, some smut, futuristic

on the run from bounty hunters, jungkook hides in an empty storage container, accidentally stowing away on the starship bangtan. / this was sweet! the different elements of the different alien cultures were interesting. the backstories were intriguing. I’m looking forward to tae and jimin being introduced in the sequel

The Call of the Sea by monojooon [completed]

ot7, ot6 x taehyung, siren!taehyung, pirates!bts, polyam

Half a Heart by monojoooon [completed]

ot7, ot6 x taehyung, taehyung centric, demons, murder mystery, polyam

half demon taehyung helps the police out with cases that involve demons. while investigating some recent murders, taehyung meets the Bangtan cluster and asks for their help. / I love the character development! especially with the moments of taehyung trying to rely on the others more. I loved that one conversation with hoseok in particular, and the bath scene with jin. the mystery was interesting, and the conclusion was pretty satisfying!

where there is hope (there too is a struggle) by crycoby [completed]

grey ace! hoseok x namjoon x yoongi, idolverse

hobi  crushing on namjoon and yoongi but struggling to figure out his   sexuality/ it makes me all smiley to see different types of asexuality   represented in stories! also the idea of being like idk?!?! about your sexuality but having people who softly support you is so nice

fall underneath by crycoby [completed]

hoseok x namjoon, side pairings yoongi x jimin x taehyung, jin x jungkook

namjoon comes and gushes about whales when hobi is feeling down and needs a distraction. hobi is frustrated because everybody always thinks he’s straight.

of witches, covens, and matters of love by almostsophie1 [completed]

ot7, ot6 x jungkook, jungkook centric, witches, polyam, magic, urban fantasy

jungkook moves to seoul to do his apprenticeship. he doesn’t think he’ll get a coven because he’s ace. interesting world building! seokjin has rabbits! there is a cat!

Star-Struck by the moon by almostsophie1 [completed]

jin x yoongi, futuristic, space au, heist au

cute short space heist fic

somewhere we can sleep by almostsophie1 [completed]

taehyung x yoongi, ace character, (non idol) modern, depression

taehyung works at a camera repair shop with yoongi. / tae’s lack of motivation is relatable lol

Delicate by almostsophie1 [completed]

hoseok x jimin, jimin pov, ace character, (non idol) modern, friends to loves

jimin asks hoseok out. hoseok asks if they can take it slow

To Be Human by almostsophie1 [completed]

taehyung x jin, vampires, grief

taehyung is a newly changed vampire mourning his old life. then he meets jin in a local manhwa cafe.

someone(s) to come home to series by almostsophie1 [completed]

jin x yoongi, jin x yoongi x jungkook, polyam, ace character, tramua recovery, depression, anxiety, self doubt, domesticity

describe a morning you woke without fear by 777335 [completed]

yoongi x jungkook, college au, (non idol) modern, depression

i’m actually not sure how to describe this. it’s good, soft (sometimes drunk, sometimes dissociating, depressed, and anxious) yoongi and jungkook falling in love. kind of poetic vibes, idk

i found home in these murky waters (and there you were) by lyricalleviathan [completed]

ot7, ot6 x namjoon, namjoon centric, supernatural, mystery, polyam, small town

ot6 moves into a small seaside town and meet namjoon, who has something special about him. very cute. who wouldn’t fall in love with namjoon while he is watching crabs so fondly?

Underdog by whitesparrows97 [completed]

taehyung x reader, hybrid!taehyung, reader hits a dog with her car, doesn’t realize he’s a hybrid

also on tumblr!

Protection Squad by CheeWrites [completed]

yoongi x reader, hybrid!yoongi, main setting is a pet shelter

I like how the reader and yoongi help each other heal from their pasts

A Sea of Indigo by foxymoxy ♥ [completed]

Jungkook x reader, hybrid!jungkook, setting is a hybrid rehabilitation place

the world building and character development is great! I like the politics going on in the background. jungkook and the reader feel like real people. they have flaws and they struggle. however the story still has a lot of heart and hope :)

when you say okay by Curionenene ♥ [completed]

yoongi x taehyung, yoongi x jimin, jimin x taehyung, hybrid au, polyam, coffee shop au

the world building and characters are great. I love how the relationships between the characters develop. their backstories are interesting, and when they are able to communicate their feelings to each other, I felt a great sense of relief. also, ace!character :)

The Roommate by jjungkookislife (lanken) [completed]

jungkook x reader, taehyung x reader, jimin x reader, taehyung x jimin, roommates au, polyam, smut

read on tumblr here! alt version here!

the map, the plan, and the territory by segfaults [completed]

ot7, ot6 x jungkook, jungkook centric, sky pirates, steampunk, polyam

great world development! love the dog! all of the characters struggle with self-doubt in some form, but are reassured by the others. there’s a scene where hoseok sees an element of himself that he struggles with in jungkook, but doesn’t lash out, doesn’t react in anger or hatred, but just gets quietly overwhelmed and sympathetic, and that really touched me.

The Songbird and the Sea by maia_archives [completed]

jimin x yoongi, jimin centric, pirates, shapeshifting, magic, violence, adventure, friendship, healing, traveling, side taehyung x jungkook and a lil bit jin x namjoon

jimin lives on a small island until one day he encounters pirates. / I love the introspection jimin goes through on his views of good and evil, and the friendships he makes. the magic systems and world building is super interesting as well!

Pet Me, Please? by bainju [completed]

jimin x reader, dog jimin turns into a human, reader is a dog handler

Far Side - Werewolf AU by Missing_Min_MeowMeow [completed]

ot7 x reader, polyam, werewolf au

The Sevenfold Path (series) by stitchdragon ♥ [completed]

ot7 x reader (not polyam) a different route for each member, most routes are completed, witches au, arranged marriage au

the world building is so good!!! reader is really cool

The Cat in the Windowsill by aprofessorstale [completed]

ot7, soulmates au, witches, demi god, series, amnesia, cat!yoongi, immortality

big crack energy, fun short chapters. the plot is super interesting!

Boo’s and Booze by Allthebiases [completed]

ot7, ot6 x yoongi, yoongi centric, magical creatures, major halloween vibes, yoongi is (technically) the maknae, polyam

Your Strings That Bind Us by MuscleBunni [completed]

ot7, ot6 x jungkook, jungkook centric, superpowers, soulmates au, polyam

jungkook doesn’t have a superpower, which means he doesn’t have a soulmate. except, what if he does?

A Good Ending by Caitles [completed]

ot7, isekai, namjoon centric, polyam

namjoon gets isekai-ed straight into his favorite new otome and can’t choose between the six love interests. he doesn’t want to lose any of them

inside and out by aileron [completed]

taehyung x yoongi

taehyung moves in with the other six guys. he is invisible because he’s been mistreated. yoongi offers to be there for him. / the author mentions being inspired by that one moomin story. oh gosh that fits so well! love it!

An Impossible Door by Lilmochimoch [completed]

ot7, ot6 x jungkook, jungkook centric, magic, fantasy, isekai, supernatural creatures, jk has a rough childhood, there is a magic whale, minor smut, polyam

this is so good! the pacing is perfect, with soft moments, action packed moments, moments of high emotional impact, and moments where everyone is super horny… lol.

Run For the Hills Before They Burn by ddaengbruja (bruja_writes) [completed]

dragon! namjoon x fae! hoseok, vampire! seokjin x magician! yoongi, nymph! taehyung x angel! jimin, imp! jungkook, mutual pining, dark magic

hoseok moves to seoul to work at the club where his best friend namjoon works. on his first day in the city, he rescues a fallen angel. / this was great! all the characterizations are interesting, their love for each other is palpable and the plot is satisfying!

vampires will never hurt you by kkeomtae [completed]

vampire!jungkook x human! taehyung, tae has anemia, jungkook brings him iron supplements

When you press me to your heart (I’m a world apart) by nunu_noodles [completed]

namjoon x hoseok, namjoon pov, little side yoongi x jungkook, alternate realities, kind of neighbors au, kind of a crack fic

namjoon starts talking to his neighbor in the greenhouse across the way. jungkook is so sweet in this! jin and yoongi are great friends too! mickey is there too!

By Chance by BTS_Mommy [completed]

ot7 x reader, idolverse, celeb!reader, completed but series ongoing

All the Stars (series) by triviaghosts ♥ [completed]

ot7 x reader, idolverse, polyam, 4/5 stories completed

I’m weak for characters who are maybe a little unhealthily selfless. Seeing her grow up throughout the series is very satisfying.

Just his crazy neighbour by Greenhills [completed]

yoongi x neighbor!reader, idolverse

for lovers who hesitate by jia_yang [completed]

ot7, pining, namjoon centric, polyam, idolverse

namjoon finds out he’s the seventh wheel of a six person relationship in Bangtan. But is he? / I really liked this! Namjoon pondering over the meaning of love while being oblivious to relationships forming around him felt super in character. When he said “I’m looking at it” I nearly died. Tugged right at my heart strings.

Meet Me Tomorrow by missberrycake [completed]

yoongi x taehyung, yoongi is stuck in a groundhog day time loop, which may or not may have something to do with taehyung, idolverse

prismatic by mahistrado [completed]

namjoon x hoseok, idolverse

namjoon is kind of scared of hoseok, but, like… in a good way?

i live so i love (you) by sugartreat [completed]

ot7, namjoon centric, polyam, idolverse

namjoon thinks too much. luckily the others can help him get out of his head.

Hold me closer by bluesidedreams  [completed] yoongi x hoseok, lil bit smau, hoseok jokingly sends out a tweet suggesting a sleep date (as in literally sleeping). yoongi thinks that sounds like a great idea.

easy to find by Illegirling [completed]

taehyung x seokjin x yoongi, neighbors, exes, polyam, jimin would kill for taehyung, yoongi redecorates, jin apologizes to a painting

seokjin and yoongi are married. and then jin’s ex-husband taehyung moves in next door.

my youth is yours by orphan_account (need an ao3 account to read!) [completed]

jungkook x yoongi, college au, producer!yoongi, singer!dancer!jungkook, roommates jimin and tae, namjoon is a good friend

jungkook meets yoongi, jimin and taehyung’s roommate/ I love the almost stream of consciousness format of this. the way they fall in love is so warm and pulling on heart strings. namjoon gives a great speech. jimin and taehyung are chaos and I love that. fuck that one guy.

i walked and reached the sea by poppyseedheart [completed]

namjoon x hoseok x yoongi, polyam, producer!yoongi, hoseok runs a bnb, kind of

namjoon is recently heartbroken and comes to stay at hoseok’s hanok, in what has been pronounced the slowest city in asia. / the healing vibes are really nice in this!

Smell the Roses by bananamilks [completed]

Human! taehyung x werewolf! jungkook, werewolves au, namjoon x jin and hoseok x yoongi x jimin side pairings, a/b/o dynamics

taehyung has a real, alice stumbling into wonderland vibe in this. the pack is super cute.

A Whiskey Called You by Sereko [completed] <3

ot7 (with a bit of a jungkook x hoseok focus), idolverse, hoseok centric, a/b/o dynamics, polyam

hoseok is a beta and has feelings about that./ if you’ve ever felt like the odd one out, or unwanted, I think this would be a good story to read.

Collision by bri607 [completed]

werewolves, jungkook x yoongi main pairing, jin x namjoon and taehyung x jimin as side pairings. aroace!hobi who gave me heart eyes. a/b/o dynamics

I have conflicted feelings about how yoongi’s disability was handled. like there were things I really liked about it, and things I didn’t like so much about it. overall the plot is excellent and satisfying. the world building is super interesting.

the ‘head alpha’ omega by cherryblossombomb [completed]

ot7, idolverse, a/b/o dynamics,

a somewhat (sad) realistic approach about how gross some people would probably be if omegas were a thing. namjoon is badass. I still want to wrap him in blankets.

Sometimes it’s Not Fine by tajn [completed]

ot7, everyone except jimin is a werewolf, a/b/o dynamics

jimin is just trying his best. he deserves all the love

Hey Kids, it’s Gonna be Alright by visbaeallday [completed] <3

taehyung x yoongi, high school au, summer camp, a/b/o dynamics

another fic with the idea of being a ‘defective’ person in an omega verse . I love underdog bts looking out for each other

here comes the sun by namusmoon (Room_of_Angel) [completed]

omega!jungkook x omega!jimin, werewolves, a/b/o dynamics

jimin is stolen away on the night he’s supposed to be mated. Sort of old-timey with some interesting world building. I love jimin’s character journey in this!

Space of Mine by bessie [completed]

jimin x taehyung x jungkook, sort of old time-y, arranged marriage au, secret lovers, polyam, a/b/o dynamics

this was really sweet! jimin and taehyung’s childhood romance was really cute and poignant and the way jungkook was folded into their relationship was lovely. the side relationships are nice as well, and it looks like this fic might be part of a series, so I’m hopeful we might get more stories about them as well

natural by VeryGhost [completed] <3

alpha!werewolf!jungkook x  witch! jimin, mild a/b/o dynamics

not very heavily omegaverse, although jimin does call jungkook ‘alpha’ a lot (teasingly). anyway, the world building and magic systems are great, the descriptions are immersive, and the plot is satisfying.

Hygge by BBQkitten [completed]

ot7, hoseok x omega! pack! everyone else, college au, dorm mates au?, a/b/o dynamics

hoseok feels insecure about the way he nests because of how people have reacted to it in the past.

After Every Winter Comes Spring by SeoulTW [completed]

yoongi x namjoon, best friends to lovers, ‘secret’ admirer, courting, roommates au, a/b/o dynamics

cute! jimin gives solid advice! hobi is a good friend! has sequels!

like a hike after the rain by onlypreciousloves [completed]

hoseok x jin, college au, roommates au, a/b/o dynamics

cute. soft

where things grow, there is hope by rayfelle [completed]

jimin x jungkook, a/b/o dynamics

jimin and jungkook meet at a support group for alphas who don’t fit the sexual norm. I love stories about people supporting each other in recovery! I think this is a pretty good representation of how both individual and group therapy can be, like, not too gritty and sensationalized, and not romanticized or sanitized either. yoongi and jin as supportive side characters are super sweet and good.

Spicy Neighbor by joondimples [completed]

jimin x taehyung, single parent au, neighbors au, a/b/o dynamics

jimin has a rare curry scent. taehyung’s son loves curry. very cute and domestic!

Pitter-Patter by bwijinkuu [completed]

taehyung x jin, a/b/o dynamics, sad

sad oneshot about taehyung and jin getting discriminated against for being an alpha x alpha couple, and not being able to have kids

i wouldn’t know (any better than you) by honeymi [completed]

jungkook x taehyung, college au, roommates au, fantasy au, magical realism

taehyung discovers jungkook is the human vessel for the concept of fate. this concept is so interesting! jungkook and taehyung’s attitude about ‘fate’ feel so in character. love the little twist at the end :)

one image (made up of different pixels) by foundfamilyvevo [completed]

namjoon x hoseok x yoongi, idolverse, magical realism

the three of them wake up one morning and they can hear each other’s thoughts. the emotion in this is lovely

No One Has to See by allsadhere [completed]

jungkook x yoongi, neighbors au, superpowers(?) au, magical realism

jungkook blinks out of existence sometimes. when he does, yoongi’s the only one who can hear him. very soft and comforting fic, a little painful, but good closure.

the river’s thread by pomegranatebite [completed]

yoongi x hoseok x namjoon, deaf!hoseok, soulmates au, chef!yoongi, magical realism, (non idol) modern

yoongi meets his soulmates namjoon and hoseok in their dreams. nice poetic vibes. great seokjin sidecharacter.

at the end of the rainbow by haejung (be aware you need an ao3 account to read this!) [completed]

ot7, jungkook centric, spirit animals, futuristic, fantasy, royalty, prophecy, found family, polyam, magical realism

jungkook lives over a bookshop that he and his grandfather run. in his spare time he likes to read about the prophecy involving the lost prince. this was very interesting! the wordbuilding magic/futuristic combination is nice, the backstories are interesting, and the relationships are well-developed.

i’ll always come back by wooneye [completed]

ot7, everyone x jungkook, jungkook centric, magical realism, polyam, pocket demensions

jungkook is a space/time/dimension traveling delivery boy who makes a series of weird deliveries to six strangely connected people. / love the vibes! feels very terry pratchett-y

That Something So Pleasant Should Come From A Pheasant by violetfics [completed]

queerplatonic! aroace!fox hybrid!yoongi x aroace!witch!jimin, fantasy au, side ot5 polyam

warm and fuzzy fic :)

Dawn will come to the darkest of nights by TsingaDark [completed]

jungkook x yoongi, jungkook pov, idolverse,

yoongi helps jungkook come to terms with his sexuality

The best life by Nevaeh [completed]

jimin x taehyung, jimin pov, (implied?) qpr, idolverse

jimin and taehyung talking about the nature of their relationship.

too many words, not enough words by nitilia [completed]

college au, yoongi centric

yoongi thinking about his identity. / this was really well written! I liked the comparison between being QueerTM on the internet and off the internet. and how yoongi’s frustrations were expressed while still be respectful towards those who feel differently

Please dry my eyes by minyoongirines [completed]

aroace!jin x hoseok, jin pov, friends to partners

jin and hoseok go on a date after having been friends for a while. they have a lovely time. jin thinks about what love means to him. / jin cries a lot, but the fic is so soft and sweet. the description of them thinking of a future together was lovely, and fits their dynamic well. 2seok being silly in a way that warms your heart is very on brand

once, twice (then kiss me once again) by viviviolets [completed]

seokjin x hoseok x yoongi, polyam, namjoon is a good friend

seokjin has been hoseok’s best friend and roommate for years. only he never told hoseok that he loves him. and then hoseok shows up to jimin and taehyung’s wedding with yoongi as his plus one. / okay, so first off, the humor in this is spectacular. lots of puns and dry wit. jin’s pettiness, but also confusion and refusal to face his feelings is great (I mean, not for him… but very interesting to read about…) a few scenes broke my heart a little, but in the end jin has a great support system and things work out

A Way Home by lesbianwluv [completed]

ot7, jungkook centric, fantasy au, witches, magic shop, college au, queer characters, polyam

this story is beautiful and touching. I think if I had to sum it up, it would be jungkook noticing there are seven chairs at the table, and at first thinking that’s too much, but slowly coming to realize it’s just right.

Tiger Lily by bwijinkku [completed]

jungkook x jimin, asexuality, neighbors au, internalized acephobia, Yoongi is a good hyung

very sweet short chaptered fic about jungkook coming to terms with his identity and falling in love. love supportive side character aroace yoongi!

your love is gold by automaticshine [completed]

taehyung x jungkook, college au, photography student jungkook, painter student taehyung, america, autumn vibes, found family, asexuality

to have and to hold by yeongwonhanrain (pudgypanda) [completed]

taehyung x jimin x jungkook, pre-established jimin x taehyung, friends to lovers, a/b/o dynamics, soft sex, lil bit of pining, demisexual!jungkook

Jungkook supervises Jimin and Taehyung’s first heat together as a couple./ the characters are so respectful of each other’s boundaries (in a way that is unfortunately harder to find for a/b/o fics) I’d love to have a variety of types of asexuality represented! jungkook shoving aside his thoughts on his sexuality to deal with them later is relatable, and the way he’s supported is lovely.

MOONCHILD by Dolley, and jeonggukiepabo [completed]

ot7 x reader, polyam, tattoo artist jk and yg, cafe owners hs and sj, smut, professor nj, reader is an artist, soulmates au

also available on tumblr!

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream by AwkwardBeansidhe ♥ [completed]

taehyung x oc, soulmates au, idolverse, oc and tae dream of each other’s lives

the writer really captures tae’s special energy imho. oc is the kind of protagonist you want to cheer for. the backstory behind her soulmate system is very interesting

Love at First Touch by bagelwrites ♥ [completed]

Jimin x oc, soulmates au, idolverse, your soulmate’s touch is needed to survive

the word building and character development are great in this. I love seeing the downsides/less romantic aspects to a soulmate system. the way Jimin and oc grow alongside each other is very satisfying to me.

happiest when i meet you by jnvrse [completed]

ot7, ot6 x yoongi, yoongi centric, they hear each other’s voices in their heads, polyam, soulmates au

cute oneshot!

but i want it anyway by ameliabedelias [completed]

jimin x namjoon, jimin pov, roommates au, college au (lil bit), non idol modern

tae picks out a roommate to sublet his room while he studies abroad for a semester. / namjoon and jimin were super sweet and affirming to each other. the drowning metaphor/theme throughout was interesting.

I Sought A Muse (But The Words Wouldn’t Come) by sinkingmyships [completed]

yoongi x seokjin, yoongi pov, college au, photographer!yoongi, friends to lovers

seokjin becomes yoongi’s new model for his photographry project. / the writing in this was sweet and funny, which I think fits the ship well.

The Shapes We Make by starchase [completed]

hoseok x jungkook, a/b/o dynamics, asexual characters, soft vibes

i won’t be long (on the way back home) by orphan account [completed]

namjoon x hoseok, namjoon pov, college (grad school) au, roommates au, ace character, depression, found family

namjoon is scared, because he doesn’t think he’s allowed to want things. (i passively cried throughout reading most of this fic. 10/10 would reccommend. pls mind the author’s tags!)

Bulletproof by Fabro-de-omres (Fabro)

ot7, platonic or romantic, touch starved, super hero au, namjoon centric/namjoon pov

namjoon is invulnerable, which also means he can’t feel his teammates touching him. /lovely soft writing and namjoon, interesting super powers and world building.

somewhere you can meet me by missandrogyny

seokjin x yoongi, seokjin pov, idol rapper/producer! yoongi, hotel owner! seokjin, rest of the members as background characters

taehyung thinks seokjin is uninformed about suga, but seokjin knows yoongi better. / the writing in this felt a little magical although there was no magic? not sure how to describe it. the interactions between the characters were great. yeontan made some fun appearances.

#bts x reader #bts fanfiction #bts #bts fic recs #soulmates au #roommates au #fantasy au #hybrid au #polyam #idolverse #witches #vampires #supernatural #magic #archive of our own #ao3

[star-anise]

I wanna reply to a reblog someone added to one of my posts, because I want to wrestle with the ideas in it without singling out the person, who I do not think deserves any kind of dogpile for being wrong. That said, I think this person is incorrect in a way that’s both common and dangerous.

TW: Domestic violence and abuse, sexual assault

This person says:

So  hear me out: I am too weak to abuse a woman.

I live a very sedentary lifestyle and  most of the women i’m interested in and who have shared interest could easily beat me in a fight. [...] so I would never raise a fist to them not just because it’s wrong but because i’m afraid of getting hurt back.

As a society, we are way, way too obsessed with punching people as the ultimate form of domestic violence. This is dangerous and wrong. It causes a lot of people to think, “My home life isn’t a boxing match, so I’m not being abused,” and/or “I’m not actually hitting them, so I’m not really abusive.”

I am a 5′1″/155cm disabled woman with weak and noodly arms who can’t perform a lot of basic household tasks like carrying a week’s groceries up a flight of stairs. And I could absolutely abuse someone. It isn’t about physical strength.

Abuse is not just a “man bad, woman victim” dynamic. It can happen to and by people of every gender. We need to focus on the realities of abuse and the many ways it can manifest.

In this post: What domestic violence can look like, other than hitting; how domestic violence can happen without huge explosive fights; what healthy relationships would look like instead; why it’s wrong to think of abusers as a different species from normal people.

Domestic violence might look like:

Criticizing or belittling someone’s interests or self. Making negative statements about who they are as a person. Treating them with contempt or derision. Calling them names.

Controlling everything about where a person goes, what they do, and who they talk to. Never allowing them privacy or outside relationships. Monitoring their emails or texts; listening in on their phone calls. Refusing to allow someone reasonable boundaries.

Breaking a person’s belongings. Damaging or wrecking their personal space. Throwing things at or near them.

Controlling their access to basic needs, eg. depriving them of access to money, transportation, food, medicine, or communication with the outside world.

Failing to respect someone’s personal and sexual boundaries. 

As well, these things count as abuse whether or not they happen as a Big Loud Scary Confrontation, or quietly, in the consequences afterwards. Like, it counts whether you say “You will never be allowed to leave this house without me!” or just quietly spend the money that was going to repair your partner’s car on something else. It counts whether you force a sexual act on someone who’s visibly resisting, or refuse to speak to or even acknowledge someone for several days after they’ve set a sexual boundary.

And it can be hard, in a relationship, to figure out what healthy and reasonable boundaries are. These are rules that abusers can use to their own ends, rhetorically maximizing the harm to themselves and minimizing their harm to others. “By being in the house when I’m on work phone calls, you’re denying my right to privacy,” they’ll say, ignoring that forcing their partner to be out of the house for eight hours a day is denying them access to basic shelter and they need a different solution, or, "By pointing out how scared and hurt you were by my violent behaviour, which I cannot possibly be expected to change, you’re criticizing me and belittling my feelings.”

At which point it can help to focus on what a healthy relationship would look like:

Consensual: Everyone involved is freely choosing to be there and can, if they want, leave the relationship without serious impairment of their ability to live an independent life

Surrounded by resources: Partners are able to turn outside the relationship, if they want, to express their emotions, achieve their goals, pursue their interests, connect with family and friends, receive support, or take time away from their partner. This is regarded as enriching each partner’s life and strengthening the health of the relationship.

Safe: No one feels threatened or in danger. People are able to assume that their partners will have their best interests and happiness at heart. Partners ensure that everyone in the relationship has what they need. Nobody has to worry that a disagreement or bad day with their partner will make other parts of their life unmanageable.

Respectful: Everyone’s emotions and values matter and are given equal weight. Everyone is seen as deserving the same basic rights to material security, safety, emotional validation, and physical space.

Fair: When there is a conflict, partners work together in a respectful and non-combative way to negotiate a solution that is acceptable to everyone.

Honest and accountable: People admit to the part they play in things and are willing to own their contributions to both success and conflict.

Mutually enriching: Each partner is committed to the goal of a relationship that leaves them all, collectively and individually, better off as people: receiving everything they need, capable of independence, supported and validated, and treated with respect.

Healthy relationships are complicated! They can be really difficult. They demand a lot of interpersonal and social skills that don’t come naturally, so if you haven’t been taught them, you can really struggle. I can really struggle. Anyone can really struggle.

It is really important to realize that abuse doesn’t result from someone waking up like, “I think I will be a Horrible Person to my partner today” and getting ready to rumble. It results from people with limited coping skills and particular attitudes about relationships and how to handle conflict trying to get what they want. Someone could be a really great partner, up until they encounter a problem they don’t feel able to solve any other way than overriding their partner’s feelings and using what force is available to achieve their goal.

But those are things we have the ability to address and improve, if we want to. A few starting places:

Positive ways to avoid toxic conflict

Signs of emotional abuse

Resources for domestic violence

If you want to support my work writing this kind of content, please consider supporting me through PayPal or Patreon.

#staranise original #domestic violence tw #ipv tw #intimate terrorism tw #emotional abuse tw

[blu-joons]

Your Relationship Gets Leaked ~ Kim Namjoon

Namjoon’s heart sunk as soon as he found you sat on your bed, laptop up, article open, a picture of the two of you clear for the whole world to see. As quiet as he tried to be, it didn’t take long for you to hear his footsteps creep into the room, turning back around to look at your expression.

“We should have been more careful,” he sighed, taking a seat on the end of the bed, with a small distance between the two of you. “It’s impossible to fix this.”

The sight of the article in the corner of his eye only frustrated him more, closing the lid of your laptop down so the image of the two of you couldn’t stare back at him.

You’d been warned multiple times how dangerous it was to date Namjoon, how detrimental it could be to his career if he was found out to be dating. You were confident you could get around things, but after spending the evening together close to home, you found yourselves flawed.

“We both thought at that time of night we’d be alright,” you tried to comfort, “neither of us could have predicted that someone would be keeping as close an eye on us as they were.”

Namjoon failed to reply to you, running his hands through his hair as he tried to keep himself calm. His phone had been blowing, opting to ignore it all, knowing that he was in for trouble from both management and the boys too.

“Why did you even suggest heading outside?” He suddenly asked, looking across the bed to face you, “why weren’t you happy just staying in with a movie or something?”

“Don’t just put this on me, you were more than keen on the idea as well.”

Your argument only wound Namjoon up more, whilst he knew you were both at fault, you were the punching bag before him right now to take the verbal hits of frustration. If there was one person he could blame, it was you, anything to make himself feel better.

But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t. He knew that too much trouble was coming his way to ever feel calm about the situation.

“This isn’t safe for you anymore either,” he spoke, standing up from the bed and walking across to your bedroom window. “There’s so many people outside your front door Y/N, how am I even going to be able escape from here now?”

The sounds of people calling your name and cameras flashing had kept you up for most of the night, whilst Namjoon slept peacefully beside you, you just couldn’t drown it out.

“How are we ever supposed to dig ourselves out of this? We’ve been reckless, stupid Y/N.”

Your eyes snapped up to him, as if you weren’t already aware of how big of a mistake you’d made, Namjoon really was turning the knife in your back.

“Do you think I don’t know that?” You yelled, not caring how loud your voice sounded to those outside. “Do you expect me to have all the answers right now Namjoon?”

The sound of his full name coming out of your mouth made him shudder, walking back across to sit on the bed with a sigh. He could see how guilty you felt, how scared you were, and worst of all, how fearful you were that he was going to act so rationally, seeing you as the target to take it all out on after all.

“Can you think of a way to fix this?” You then asked him.

“It feels like we’re lacking in options.”

It didn’t take much for you to figure out exactly what Namjoon was referring too, staring across at him in a slight disbelief. In the back of your mind, you’d worried that breaking up would be the only solution, not that it would make things any easier for you.

“You just want me to face this on my own?”

“No,” Namjoon whispered, realising the fear on your face, “wait, did you think I was telling you that we should break up?”

As your head nodded back at him, Namjoon moved straight across the bed and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. As soon as your head hit his shoulder, the floodgates opened, allowing the tears you’d bottled up for most of the morning to fall, dampening the print on his shirt in an instant.

“I don’t want this to be any worse than has to be for you, even if it means breaking up.”

Namjoon’s head quickly shook, simply refusing to entertain such thoughts from you, moving one of his hands to the back of your head.

“I don’t care how bad it gets; I’m not losing you.”

It was a completely different side to the Namjoon you’d seen just a few moments ago, in a heartbeat, his anger had dissipated, realising just how hard you were struggling.

Selfishly, he’d wrapped the issue around himself, only thinking of his own image and protection, forgetting just how important you were beside him too. He could never let you stand alone through this, especially when he knew how dangerous the fans really could be.

“I’m sorry for taking things out on you,” he whispered into your ear, “you were just there, and I wasn’t really caring about how badly I hurt you with the way I acted.”

Your head nodded, gripping tighter onto his shirt to try and keep your composure. “I don’t know how I’d be able to survive if I had to go through this alone, I don’t have the people and the safety like you do. Just look outside, I’m trapped in my own home right now.”

The scene was far from ideal, even Namjoon was struggling to figure out how the commotion outside could ever be fixed. But you were with each other, which was by far the most important thing that you both needed right now, at least until things began to calm down a bit too.

“How can you carry on with your career when people know that your dating?” You suddenly asked him.

“I’ll be fine,” he instantly assured you, pressing a kiss against the top of your head. “Sure, things might be difficult for a while, and we might lose a few fans, but like we’ve always said, each other’s happiness is always number one.”

It was a promise that the group had made to each other as soon as the name BTS began to be spoken. If someone needed a break, help, or anything else, they’d support each other, regardless of what other people thought.

Whilst it would take them some time to get used to their leader being in a relationship, he was confident that they’d support him, and you.

“We’ll just stay here for a while, I’ll ring the company soon and try and figure something out,” he informed you, “but I’m not going to let you go through this alone.”

“What if you don’t have a choice? What if they make you go?”

He shrugged back at you, “doesn’t mean I have to go. For once, I’m going to put my own priorities first, which is you, and me.”

“I can’t let you do that,” you sighed, pulling your head up from his shoulder, “I can’t let you risk losing everything you’ve worked so hard for it.”

“How can I possibly lose everything when I’ll still have you with me? Just trust in me, everything will be alright, one way or another.”

Your smile slowly turned up, “are you really sure that we’ll be alright Namjoon?”

“More than anything, it’ll be alright.”

---

Masterlist

#bts #bts imagine #namjoon #namjoon imagine #rm #rm imagine #bts scenario #bts reaction #bts namjoon #bts rm #kim namjoon #kim namjoon imagine #bts drabble #bts one shot #bts fluff #namjoon scenario #namjoon reaction #namjoon drabble #namjoon one shot #namjoon fluff #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #kpop #kpop imagine

[aetherarf]

For Crow Anon!

[[ Crow Hybrid!Reader, Summary: You didn't want to hide your own features, but... Well, those who were wholly human ended up judging you over it. At least you could pass as human most of the time, but it got harder to hide it... especially when you had a partner. You just wanted to toy and play with your countless shiny trinkets, with no shame, only to get caught...

Total Word Count: 2'227

Scaramouche Word Count: 1'317

Zhongli Word Count: 910 ]]

Scaramouche

"Where in the world...?"

He had been looking for you, you hadn't come home, worst of all, he even got you that pretty, expensive necklace that you insisted you didn't want, but you stared at with wide eyes every single time you walked by the display holding it, and he wanted to bring you out to dinner and offer it to you then... But you just didn't come home.

Would he admit that he was scared something happened to you and he would raise rip both the Abyss and Celestia to shreds than to let something happen to you?

No, but he absolutely would do it.

So, following the hear-say of people who had seen you, until he had been walking amongst several ice-covered hills, having been said that you went in that direction--alone shockingly.

He was shaking from the bitter cold, bundled up--most wouldn't recognize him as the Sixth Harbinger right now, he almost looked like a cold child wandering around alone in the cold. He felt ridiculous, but it was worth the shame to ensure you're safety.

He saw... some light. A hole in the side of the icy hills. If nothing else, he was going to hide from the bitter chill for a few moments if you weren't in there.

He walked in, and...

He stared.

He marveled.

It opened up, quickly, after the initial entrance, and were it not for the light from inside, he would have passed by it. There was... countless things piled around, he distantly thought of a dragon and its hoard. He crouched down, looking at one of the few piled--Shiny mora, of which many seemed freshly minted, or freshly shined. Some were just shiny stones that were quite nice to look at, if he was honest, some jewelry, some of which had dulled metals but fine gems, or dull gems and fine metal...

He stood back up, looking around.

It felt... silly? Oh, someone could easily invest all of this, but it felt like a child's wonderland, where they would store all their treasures.

But it wasn't a child's wonderland, he discovered, upon hearing you gasp, and he turned to look at you, and he...

Again, he marveled.

You were very much you, but countless features pointed that you were no longer human, or at least, you didn't look the part. Fluffy feathers that shone with iridescent colors in the right light, hands darker with nails that looked more like claws...

he took a step closer,

"What," he said, softly, "What happened? You look--"

"Different, I know," you cut him off, terrified of his response, "Freakish, monstrous, horrifying... I... I didn't want you to see." You admitted, not wanting to hear what insults he'd throw at you.

But there were no insults, he just... blinked, shocked.

"You didn't want me to see? What, do you think I'd suddenly stop caring about you if you looked... like this?" He said, venom on his tone, but it was only defensiveness, and perhaps concern. "That doesn't answer... well, anything. Why do you look like that?" He asked, nearly demanding.

"This is..." you hesitating, "What I normally look like. I... I just hid it from you."

"Why?" He asked, "Why would you hide it from me?" Scaramouche was more insulted than anything--yes, he didn't have the nicest voice and he was oftentimes harsh and insulting...

But he did try to be kind and loving. Even if he was snappy, with you it meant nothing, and he was bad with words, but ...was his displays of affection not enough?

"I just," you fumbled out, looking for your words, "No... Wait, I... I'm not making something up, I'm-I'm just panicking," you blubbered out, tearing up... And be sighed, walking closer to you-

And he just cupped your jaw with his hands, using his thumb to wipe away a few tears that trickled down your cheek.

"You're afraid of being insulted or mistreated, blah blah... I get it, and..." He hesitated, "I'm hurt you didn't tell me, but I can't say it changed... What I think about you."

'How I love you', the words went unspoken.

He let one hand fall to your shoulder, and his other hand gestured to the massive trove of shiny treasures, "However ... What the fuck is this?!" He asked, baffled, even now, at the scene before him.

Your feathers fluffed up, and for a moment, you managed to be taken aback by your own collection, "I've collected all this!" You gestured, dramatically... But remembered the shock in his voice, and almost curled in on yourself, making yourself look small .. afraid.

"I," you said, slowly, "I just... Didn't want you to deal with it, so ... I keep it pretty far from everyone."

To that, he sighed softly, looking over the scene of your treasures once again.

"And here I was," he began, pulling a small box out of his pocket, "Hunting you down because I thought you were hurt." He tossed the small box onto one of the many piles, "And you were just having fun."

You all but scrambled over to the box, struggling to open it with your claws, until...

Oh.

He got...

It was a necklace. The one you looked at over and over. It was expensive, but so beautiful and... Shiny.

"You," you said, softly, "You got me the necklace."

He just... Shrugged. "It's nothing compared to this," he huffed, almost a laugh as he looked down at his feet, "You just... Seemed interested."

You struggled more than you'd like to admit to get it out of its casing, temporarily abandoning the box as you got it out.

"I am! I am... Oh, it's so pretty..." You dangled it before your own face, mesmerized...

"You don't have to act dramatic," there was a degree of scorn in his voice, "It's just a trinket."

"No, no, it's not! I--Look, this is all money or... Shiny things, like-" you reached down and grabbed a gem from the ground, a quartz that was almost like a weapon, "I can't bring a lot with me, and I feel so... Discomforted, without something to toy with," you set down the gem, and your gaze, returned to the necklace, "But this.. oh... It's wonderful... And people wouldn't look twice, they wouldn't look at me like a freak for having this!" You cried out, blissfully, "I love it, I do, it's my favorite treasure..." You held it to your chest... And he sighed.

"Dramatic," he sighed, lovingly, "Alright... I don't like you going so far from everyone, it's not... Safe." He looked at the cave, "How about I get something in place so you can have your little hoard... Near our home?" He asked, and you were... Shocked. But a good shocked.

"Really?" You asked, "You're... Okay with this?"

"Of course," he said, "Everyone has a vice, something that gets them through the day, Tartaglia has violence, Signora has her vanity, I have my general rage and knitting..."

"Wait, you knit?"

He stared at you, with a completely unreadable expression for a few seconds.

"no. As I was saying, we have something. You have this, and... Well, I don't want you to feel like you have to hide it from me. I don't want you to hide from me, either," He examined your form, in all its... Unique beauty.

"... Thank you, Scara." You said, softly.

"... Right," he looked away, unsure how to respond, "For now, let's go home. I'm cold." He complained, bitterly.

"Can we bring some of this home?" You looked to your hoard, "I've always been so scared of losing it..." You admitted.

"... Alright. We can come back tomorrow, too. I don't think the spare room is big enough for all of it, but it should be good until I can figure something else out..."

He was already planning the best solution to letting you save every little mora you've stowed away...

Zhongli

Jueyun Karst wasn't exactly the best location--Under the mountain, of which plants that rooted deeply and seeped a honey-colored liquid that could encase full people within a matter of minutes, but it was safe. No one came out this far, and long walk from the Harbor was a pain, but...

You sighed, relieved as you looked upon the piles of objects, from coins to gems to honestly just random objects most would have abandoned and forgotten, but you wanted to keep, if only because you knew they would be alone in the world, but undeserving of being forgotten with its subtle beauty...

...

Maybe you were projecting a little, but you figured it was alright. Not like anyone would see you like this, save for those who were truly desperate or brave to seek out the adepti.

You wondered if you, yourself, were simply desperate or brave, hiding everything so far from the human world, to have your own safety, as you lie within the piles of shiny objects, lifting one hand and a handful of objects, watching as they fell back to the ground, some between your fingers, some off to the sides...

it felt good to let go, to no longer refine your body to what appeared most human. Not that it hurt, but... it was like not bending your knees when you walked, capable, but it felt awkward and odd and after awhile it ached, and you wanted nothing more than to rest...

"... Love?"

You jerked up, eyes wide open as you saw a figure standing at the entrance to your little, hidden abode, shadow casting over you as the sunlight hit its back.

"Zhon-Zhongli," you stammered out, trying to force away your feathers, your claws, but in your frazzled state, it didn't work, you wanting to sob as you failed, "You-Why are you here?" You asked, trying to do anything to distract from the situation as you barely managed to stand.

He looked around the area curiously--nothing beyond simple curiosity.

"I wanted to see the state of Jueyun Karst. You said you were leaving on a trip, so I thought it'd be a good time." He said, without a concern as he examined the area, "This... reminds me when I was young," he said, idly, crouching down and grabbing a small, blue gem, "May I ask why you're here?"

You were... confused. He seemed so lax about the situation, as though nothing was amiss.

"I..." You watched as he examined the stone, and then turned that gaze--as petrifying as it felt in this moment--back to you. "... I just, i like shiny things," You admitted, childishly, "This is a... I didn't want anyone to know, about that or about," you looked down to your chest, and gestured, "Or about me."

Zhongli nodded, "I see. Many who exist in a human world and do not exist as a human feel similarly... However, why would you hide," He gestured to the area around him, "All of this? It doesn't seem to be greed, for not everything here has... well, monetary value."

"I said," you sighed, "I just like shiny things. Have you... Never seen a bird steal a gem or a shiny pebble, just because it looked pretty?" You asked.

"Ah, so you have some avian tendencies." One second, he looked normal, the next, intricate, golden horns were set atop his head, "I am not quite human either, my dear," He said, "Only I think my existence is a little more insidious than your own." He admitted, with a painful amount of truth.

"... I suppose you do. But you were--you are loved by the people of Liyue. I'm..." You looked down at your hands, the claws that tipped your fingers, "I'm just me."

"That is where we differ, my dear," he grabbed your hand, "You say you're just you. But that's everything, you're you. Perhaps-" There was a moment of silence, "Perhaps there were those who taught you to hate yourself, either from envy or a simple lack of understanding, but there is no other you..."

You didn't really have much response, "You don't have to comfort me, you know. You wanted to live a human life," you ceased for a moment... panicking, just a little, "And I'm, uh, not a very human person to have in your life. You can just go."

You could start back from the beginning. You've done it once, you can do it again.

Zhongli stared at you, the gaze in his eyes wild and dark, as though you had both personally harmed and upset him.

"When did I say I did not wish to have you in my life?" He asked, harshly... He then cleared his throat upon realizing your discomfort, "I have many years to live, and none of them have truly been human. You bring joy to my life, and that is all I care for."

He moved forth, tilting your chin gently to press a kiss to your lips... and you sniffled.

"Do you wish to go home," he looked around him, "And bring some of this with us? It must be exhausting to keep coming back all this way."

You looked at the area around you.

"Could... could we actually?" You asked, perking up, and he just smiled sweetly.

"Of course... What better way to make my little crow happy, than to make sure they can have their hoard safe at home?"

"... Thank you, ah'Li."

"Thank you for trusting me."

#genshin impact #zhongli #scaramouche #zhongli x reader #scaramouche x reader #bark writes #anonymous #anon ask #crow anon #/ ??? #// ig #// just in case #fluff #fluffy bark #hurt and comfort #// noodle zhongli #// btw i should mention my friend calls chinese/japanese dragons noodles sometimes cuz #// long. noodly. #// so thats the joke #/// mmmeh

[high-functioning-lokipath]

SH - Sherlock x Depressed!Reader - With a Little Help from My Friends - Words: 2,793

IMPORTANT A/N - PLEASE READ: As stated in the title, this story contains discussions of depression. There is mention of suicidal thought and self-harm. I personally don't think it's too intense in it's descriptions HOWEVER!!! If this will trigger you, for your own health and safety please do not read. My messages are always open if you'd like to talk. I wrote this partially based on my own feelings so I can understand to at least a degree. You're amazing and I love you all. As far as this story goes, just remember: it has a happy, very fluffy ending but it doesn't start that way. I hope you enjoy it, feel free to leave a comment!

Brief Backstory: Reader is friends with John and Sherlock. She is a nurse who works with John. The three met shortly after Sherlock came back. Sherlock and Reader have crushes on each other but won't admit to it. I think the story explains everything else.

"Y/N, I'm going to be honest," John said, putting his hand on your shoulder comfortingly. "I may have PTSD but I cannot fully put myself in your shoes. My depression is different than yours." You had called your best friend, John Watson, in a mild panic. You had been feeling depressed for some time, as he knew, but that day had been especially bad. There was no particular reason but your depression had gotten so intense that you knew you needed help to get past this particular wave. John invited you over to 221B, assuring you that his flatmate would be out for the next couple of hours. "As a doctor, I am going to prescribe you some medication. Lowest dose possible and only because I want to help you get some immediate relief but I know you do not want them to become permanent. Let's work on finding another solution for you, ok?"

"I don't know, John," you replied. You'd asked John to be your Doctor since you didn't go to one regularly and he didn't mind your irregular checkups. "I've tried just about everything. The only outlet that seems to help is writing and even then," you trailed off, trying not to cry again. "This feeling just won't go away and I don't even know why it's there in the first place. I just want it to stop."

"I think you should talk to Sherlock."

"What?" You squeaked. "Why in the world would I talk to Sherlock?"

"I can't tell you why, Y/N. As both your Doctor and Sherlock's, I have to respect certain amounts of patient confidentiality. However, as your friend, I think you should talk to him."

"I don't know."

"Trust me," He replied. Smirking slightly, he added, "Doctor's orders."

"Ok, John," you chuckled. He smiled and hugged you. "Thanks."

"Now how about we go and fill this prescription and then maybe get some ice cream?"

"Well, honestly," you sighed. "The ice cream sounds great but I didn't sleep well last night. I was actually wondering if I could just take a nap here for a bit. I sleep better here sometimes." You blushed but John nodded understandingly.

"Of course," He replied. "I'll run down to the drugstore and fill this for you. Meanwhile you get some rest. I'll let Sherlock know you're here just in case he ends up getting back before I do. Will you be ok by yourself?"

"Yeah," You smiled. "This is a safe space for me. I'll go grab a blanket. Thanks again."

"Don't mention it. Just remember, talk to him."

"I'll try."

About 15 minutes later, Sherlock arrived back at the flat. He'd gotten John's texts.

John: If you get home in the next 45 minutes, be quiet. Y/N is over and she's taking a nap. I have to run out for something.

Sherlock: Is everything ok? - SH

John: She said she had a bad night.

Sherlock: She must have had a reason to come over in the first place though. - SH

John: She's going to need to tell you that herself. Don't ask. Do you understand me? Let her tell you. Be nice, ok?

Sherlock: When am I not nice to Y/N? - SH

John: Ok, that is true. You like her too much to be rude to her. If you could just hold back your deductions for one second I will say this: you two have more in common than you think.

He hurried home, not to wake you up of course, but because he wanted to see you. If there was something seriously wrong, he wanted to try and brace himself for it first. He couldn't help the smile playing at the corner of his lips when he thought of you. You two were good friends, that much was obvious to everyone. But Sherlock could see the potential for something more. He liked you a lot. You were just as smart, sassy, and sarcastic as he was. But you also could be extremely kind and caring to others and especially to him. He still didn't quite understand why you cared for him so but he was grateful. Before he could dwell on that too much longer, he arrived at 221B.

He quietly slipped inside and smiled at what he saw. You were curled up on the couch, sleeping like a baby. Apparently, though, you'd kicked off the blanket you had grabbed. Instead of picking up the blanket, he decided to take off his long coat and carefully lay that over you. You quickly cuddled into the warm fabric, unconsciously taking a deep breath, inhaling his unique signature left behind on the coat. Satisfied with what he'd done, he took off his suit jacket and went to the kitchen to prepare some tea for when you woke up. He knew you had a favorite tea and, unless John moved it or drank it all, there still would be some in the cupboard.

You woke to the smell of your favorite tea and a hushed exclamation from the kitchen. Opening your eyes slowly you saw Sherlock in at the counter trying to set up a tray with the teapot and cups. Recognizing your surroundings a bit more, you realized what was on top of you. Sherlock was just about to bring out the tray but you decided to pretend you were still asleep. The chances of fooling the Detective were low, but you wanted to try.

"There," He whispered to himself, setting the tray on the coffee table. You could hear him settling down on his chair, likely getting into his 'palace pose' as you called it. For a moment you were happy. You had actually gotten some quality sleep, you were currently cuddled up in Sherlock's famous coat and Sherlock had even made you tea. But that feeling quickly faded. Tears threatened to spill out of your still closed eyes as self-deprecating thoughts filled your mind.

'John probably told him to make me tea. He probably covered me with his coat so I wasn't as much of a distraction. He doesn't want me here. He never does. Why does he even tolerate my presence? He probably wishes we'd never met,' You thought. Your mind was going a million miles an hour and gaining. Without your notice, the tears began rolling down your cheeks and quiet sobs escaped your lips.

"Y/N?" Sherlock whispered. You're eyes shot open. You hadn't heard him get up. Now he was kneeling right next to you, one hand hovering over your arm. "Are you ok?"

"Oh, Sherlock!" You cried. "I-I wish I knew."

"C'mere," he said, motioning for you to sit up. Once you did so, he pulled you into a tight hug.

"What's this for?"

"You always give me and John a hug when you see us. You haven't done so for the past 5 days. I-" he paused briefly before lowering his voice and continuing. "I missed it."

"Oh." You weren't quite sure how to reply to that. You leaned into his embrace, letting yourself get lost in the moment.

"Y/N? Is there something I can do to help?"

"How much did John tell you?" You asked. You wouldn't have been mad exactly if John had told Sherlock to talk to you, but you wanted to think Sherlock was reaching out on his own.

"He told me you had a bad night."

"That's all?" You asked, surprised. You pulled away slightly and stared into his eyes. Sherlock nodded, frowning slightly as he tried to deduce you.

"Why are you afraid to talk to me?" You turned away, embarrassed and unsure what to say. "Be honest."

"I don't want you to make fun of me. I have-" You took a deep breath, steeling your nerves and preparing to just jump right in. "I have been extremely depressed lately and I didn't want to hear another speech about how all I need to do is exercise and eat right and stop thinking about sad things. Well you know what? I can't stop it! I can't help it if I feel like a useless pile of trash that should be thrown in the bin and burned." By the time you finished your little tirade, you'd gotten up and started pacing the floor. Then you turned and faced Sherlock. His expression was neutral but there was an obvious sadness in his eyes, one you didn't expect to see. It wasn't of pity. If you had seen that you also would have given up on the conversation. No, it was almost an understanding, an empathy. His eyes were actually glistening with tears.

"Have you ever felt like," he paused, voice unsteady. "Like giving up?" He whispered, unable to hold eye contact. You nodded silently. He got up slowly and walked towards you. At first, you thought he would hug you again but then he started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Uh, Sherlock?"

"Just wait a moment. I want to show you something." He carefully shrugged off the purple shirt that you, admittedly, loved so much and tossed it on the chair. "Only one person knows about this. You will be the second. You remember I told you about Moriarty's network?"

"Yes, the day we met. I asked you about your work, a simple question. And I got an answer that lasted 3 hours." Sherlock chuckled dryly.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Oh, no. Please don't apologise. I-" You sighed, rubbing your forehead. "I tend to make jokes when I'm nervous."

"I know." He smiled at you with, yet again, a completely unreadable expression. "You remember though." You nodded, opting to stay silent as he explained. "Well, those 2 years dismantling his network weren't easy. Not physically and certainly not emotionally. As a result of the different missions, I received many wounds on my body in various locations. I was," He paused, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. "I was depressed, guilt-stricken and suicidal. I figured I had hurt my friends enough. If they thought I was dead maybe I should just go on with it."

"What changed your mind?"

"I didn't want to do it on a mission. I wanted to see home again one more time. So to temporarily relieve the pain I," He sighed. Well, I wouldn't let my wounds heal. I'd pick at them. Mycroft finally convinced me to come back officially because he needed my help. I never told him about this. I think he knows but we don't discuss it." He looked down, obviously embarrassed and feeling more emotionally naked than physically. "You can look," he said. It was as if he'd read your mind. You were trying to be respectful and not stare but you realized that's what he wanted to show you. You had, on occasion, seen him shirtless before but you had never realized how bad some of the scars were.

"Sherlock, I-I don't know what to say. I-" You were completely shocked. Not offended. But actually comforted that he understood you. "Thank you," You finally said.

"Actually I wanted to thank you. I didn't just show you this to prove that I understand your feelings." You looked at him confused. "The day we met. You were leaving work, correct?" You nodded.

"It had been my first day there. John had been happy with my work and requested that I stay assigned to his office permanently. John had already finished up and headed home but there was some paperwork I had to finish so I was leaving about an hour late. Come to think of it, John said he had plans with you that evening. Why were you there?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I met you less than a month after I came back. I had still been quite depressed so I was still picking at my injuries. That day had been a bad day for me. So I cancelled my plans with John and I decided to go back to where I started this whole mess and finish it."

"Wait, are you telling me that-"

"You saved my life." Sherlock took one of your hands in his own and held it tightly. "I had memorized the work schedules of most everyone there and knew how to slip in unnoticed."

"But you didn't factor in me."

"Correct. When I ran into you, quite literally in fact, as I was entering the building, I was surprised. Not just by your presence but by what I deduced about you. You intrigued me. I had to find out more about you so I invited you to have a cup of coffee with me."

"Which turned into dinner." Sherlock nodded. "And since you were so intrigued by me, you forgot all about that."

"In a manner of speaking. You weren't a cure-all, mind you. You helped, though, by giving me a new mystery to investigate: you. That night, when I got home, I told John everything. He helped me too and when I mentioned you he couldn't stop singing your praises. He is very proud of you and your work you know."

"Yeah, I guess so," You replied, a little embarrassed. "Thank you, Sherlock. I'm sorry that you went through all that, but, I'm glad I have someone who understands. And I'm glad you're here to help me."

"Me too, Y/N. Me too," He replied.

"Can I, um, can I have another hug?" You asked, blushing and smiling. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"If you must," He sighed, holding his arms out. Any other day, you would have thought he genuinely didn't want personal contact. But today you realized he was simply teasing. You wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned your head on his chest. You felt him relax as he leaned forward a little to cocoon you in his arms. "I care about you, Y/N. I don't care about many people but you mean so much to me. I-" You looked up at him and pressed a finger to his lips to quiet him.

"You don't have to say it, Sherlock. I know." He smiled and looked somewhat relieved. You knew he wasn't good with feelings and that was fine with you. "I love you too."

"I wanted to be the first one to say that," He pouted. You chuckled softly and booped his nose.

"You already have." He smiled and kissed your forehead lightly.

"I know this won't fix everything right away. I know you'll still have bad days. But I wanted you to know you could come to me too."

"I know. Thank you again, Sherlock." At that moment, John walked in with a bag from the store.

"Oh, hello!" He chirped, happy to see you hadn't gotten into a yelling match. Then he noticed Sherlock's shirt, or rather, lack thereof. "So, uh," He stuttered, unsure of what to say. "What should I do with this?"

"First of all, thank you, John, for giving me the guts to talk to him about this. And second, I think I'll give it a try. You know, to try and prevent a really bad day when you guys aren't available or if talking still isn't enough. But for today I think I'll be alright," You said, turning to John with a smile.

"Well, I'm glad. So did you just talk about that or did he finally tell you that he's had the biggest schoolboy crush on you from the moment he met you?"

"John!" Sherlock yelled. You laughed loudly.

"Not in those words exactly, John," You replied. "Don't worry," You added, turning to Sherlock and ruffling his curls. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Good. Now if you don't mind, I need your input on this case."

"Me?" You asked, quite surprised.

"Yes," He said as if it was obvious. "You're a woman after all!"

"And that is important because?"

"The killer was a woman obviously but I can't understand why she would do it!" The two of you went off into your own little world, completely ignoring John as he cooked dinner.

John: Ok, mates, get your tuxs out. Won't be long now.

Greg: He finally proposed? 😀

John: Not yet, give it a week.

Mycroft: John, you forget I monitor his spending habits.

John: And?

Mycroft: He's had a ring purchased for some time now.

Greg: 3 days tops.💍

Mycroft: I would estimate about 3 days as well, Detective Inspector.

Greg: We're in a Group Text. Talking about our friend like a bunch of teenage girls at a slumber party. I think you can call me Greg.

Mycroft: If I must.

John: So, girls, will you help me make the plans?

Mycroft: Of course. He is blood after all.

Greg: Count me in! Wouldn't miss it! 🕵️👰

Sherlock BBC Taglist

@lucywrites02

@delightfulheartdream

@bartv21

@another-crazy-fangirl

@ladylulu143

@gaitwae

@for-hearthand-home

#sherlock #sherlock bbc #sherlock imagine #sherlock fanfic #sherlock x reader #sherlock x y/n #sherlock oneshot #depression #ptsd #mentions of torture #self harm discussion #potentially triggering #trigger warning #TW #anxiety #good friends #john watson #mycroft holmes #greg lestrade