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calypsoff3 · 2 years

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Twenty Seven.

This past month I haven’t even left the house, I have not even spoke on anything, the fact my name has been dragged through the dirt because I don’t care. I am still going through it, I am still going through shit, I am not any better. The fact he signed those papers, I lost my best friend, and I don’t think anyone will understand this, nobody but me. Nobody really knows, I mean they don’t know because I have yet to let it go to the judge, it’s not public knowledge, nothing is. All I know is that I lost my lover, my best friend and I am in this deep hole, I have once again gained weight, I am just a fat bitch, I just be there for the kids and then hide in my bedroom, I am heartbroken and nobody understands besides my daughter, Rylee knows and I am trying to shake her off, but she worries for me but when Chris said he is taking them away, I was glad. Now I can really just sit in the dark, he has taken the kids, besides Tianna on holiday, which is nice for them, but it gives me a moment to just cry and think, I am so lonely. I haven’t even told anyone; I don’t want the pity. I don’t care for most part “where are you going?” my mom asked “out” I said walking towards the door “but where? I am concerned for you” waving her off, lowering my hat “just take care of Tianna” I said, I just can’t get over it. This isn’t nothing, I am in love with him, and he is right. I don’t care, I would stick with him even if he spoke shit to me, I did that anyways. I just cried and tried to make him change, I tried. I am missing him; I want him back so badly. Getting into the SUV and the door closed, I sighed out heavily, nobody can understand how I feel. I am in love, nobody in this lifetime is in love anymore, they don’t know what love is. How can I speak to people that think I should go into my bad bitch era; I don’t want that. I am mourning, I am still mourning, and I will wake up, maybe too late when I am old and on my death bed, but I will wake up.

Removing my hat and fixing my hair “Rihanna, it’s good to see you” Sade said, she knows I look like shit, and I am sad as fuck “yeah” I breathed out, looking down at myself and the emotions just hit me again as I looked up and looked away from her “no” I said to myself, I can’t keep crying “I am alone this time” I said to her “I didn’t ask, how are you?” she asked “in a bad position, I don’t know how to get over heartbreak” I blew out air as my tears are ready to fall “take your time, and you can cry here. It is a safe space here, you know that” shaking my head “that is all I have done is cry, I need to dig myself out of this dark place because I have work to do, I can’t. This is the first time I have been out of the house, and that is to see you” Sade nodded her head “so you have got yourself in the dark place again?” nodding my head “I just, I am back at where I left, and I got good. I lost weight, I was happy, I was ok and now I am just back to this” I sniffled “ok, well tell me what happened?” I don’t even want to speak on it like that “Chris has divorced me” I said it “no wait, well. After the whole Rita thing I set up all the paper work, you see with me is that I want him to change. I want to scare him that he will lose me, so I set up everything, I served him papers and he couldn’t sign them, I didn’t want him too anyways. It was a form of I want you to change, I need you to change, and we didn’t divorce because we both didn’t want that, which was fine. But then he said, he would change” wiping my nose “he went to Jamaica, for so long too. I went to visit him, he admitted to me that he has Borderline Personality Disorder” Sade’ eyes widened, the look of I knew it “so it was fine, we can work through it. We was so good Sade, so good. I came back happy, we can get through this, it’s fine. Then I came back, found out Tianna, my second eldest child she slept with a boy in the house, took her virginity there. I lost my mind, I called Chris. He came, he kicked off badly. Then he said he wanted her to go overseas to boarding school, I didn’t want to disagree. I kept quiet but I didn’t want her to go overseas, boarding school ok but he just hung onto that. Then he kicked off when I refused my daughter to go and that night I made her stay elsewhere, he came and he kicked off and said a lot of things to me, and then I told him I chose the kids over him, that was pretty much the last thing before he left. He went missing, then I get a call from my lawyer that he signed it, I fainted. Nobody understands how I feel because they don’t know what real love is, I haven’t even put it to the judge so nobody knows yet” I sobbed out.

I breathed out “then I see him after all the time after the papers, this was at BET and I was so angry. I was so mad; he couldn’t just call me. He couldn’t just come to me and say it, I went backstage, and I attacked him, I hit him so many times and I just lashed out. I was so mad, I hate him, but I don’t hate him, I am just hurt you know. Then I called him over because my team went crazy because it leaked out, I apologised but he knew. He knew the truth; it wasn’t me apologising. But he was so calm about things, he just adamant in knowing what he wants to do to make himself better. I cried my eyes out seeing him, and he just said we need a reset and if we find each other again then we do but he is so calm, not even an ounce of emotion” Sade is so quiet “we can’t know how Chris feels, he is not here, and we cannot assume. Is he getting help for what he has?” she asked “yes, a very good guy it seems” she nodded her head “so he is getting help with how to monitor his emotions, so from what you said to me, he didn’t have any emotions, that is him not speaking from emotions, so his love for you. He is speaking from reality; he is being realistic with the situation you are both are in. Borderline Personality Disorder, have you read into it? Researched it?” she asked, shaking my head “not exactly, my life is hectic Sade, I have a lot on right now too” which is true “it’s hard because erm, there is no medication to help which if there is, it’s no use. This is him, all him. Having to control himself and it’s a lot of work. Their emotions are so heightened. Relationships don’t last, his friends, family, people around. It’s just like you are ok with him, and the next he’s calling you something. He will have episodes and it feels like a rollercoaster for him because he is like, but I am ok, this is fine when it’s not. He is turned everything upside down through it all, research it Rihanna. That needs to happen for you to understand his thinking” nodding my head “you are right now going through a lot, and he was the person there when you turn around and you ain’t seeing that anymore” shaking my head, that hurts me.

Taking in a deep breath “it’s so hard, just seeing him. He comes with his bodyguard and seeing him. I stay away but just seeing him there, oh god. It kills me so much” shaking my head “it will take time, Rihanna. I want to go back to a point you made, why haven’t you put through the papers. You said you haven’t put it to the judge, is he aware of it?” I am so cried out “no and I don’t want to be divorced. I am just like my mother then? I have become what she was, I didn’t want that for me, I didn’t want that for my kids. I have failed” she is right, why haven’t I put it through “no, you haven’t failed, nobody failed. You tried your best” so she says “it becomes public once it goes through, then he gets another woman, then what? I am so pathetic, I hate myself” I don’t think I can overcome this “we have a lot of work to do Rihanna, but I am happy you came to me” closing my eyes as I let the tears fall, I am so drained.

I have really had a lot of fun with the kids in Mexico, it was just a week. I didn’t want it to be anything long or far, just to spend time with them which was fun even though Imani asked why isn’t Ti here or mom but it was all fun for us, we came back with a tan because we just stayed outside most of the day. Picking up Raihan and then placing him on my shoulders “let D get them” I said to Rylee, she was going to get the cases out. Making my way to the front door “dad, I play football. You come?” Junior grabbed my hand “erm, yeah. I will” I feel good within me, I am trying and testing a lot of things, but I am very much at peace with me for the most part. The door opened “look who it is, Amerie” I said, she smiled “I have missed these faces” Junior kicked his foot “I stay with dad” he jumped up and down “hey, be nice now” walking into the house “I sit there too” shaking my head, he let my hand go and taking Raihan from my shoulders “back to reality” Rylee said “yes” turning to Imani, she is dragging her feet “come here” she ran at me, and I picked her up, twirling her around “happy?” I said, “yes daddy” she squeezed my neck “where is Robyn?” I asked Amerie “she is in her room” nodding my head “can you get her?” I asked “you can speak to me” oh the bull is here “if he wanted to speak to you he would have asked for you” Rylee said “hey, Rylee. It’s ok, don’t get involved please” I corrected her, I rather I do it “Rylee please” she is staring at me, but I don’t want her getting in trouble by Monica “she is your daughter” I laughed “when you please but it’s Robyn’ twin huh, Amerie can you please get Robyn thanks” I swear she is always on my dick.

Rubbing the side of my face just here waiting for Robyn to come but she’s taking her time “Chris” looking over at Amerie “she said you can come upstairs” letting out an oh “that is fine, D. Wait here” walking off to go up the stairs, I mean I don’t mind it coming to her, but I didn’t want to be rude about it. Since Maxwell is back in London I have been well, I have been doing it all on my own. I have been using my tools as he says, I feel good about me, but he said I should never be angry if I have an episode or feel annoyed about it, I am not perfect so I accept that. The bedroom door is open, do I just walk in or not. Raising my fist to knock “just come in” oh she knows my steps, pushing the door open. I have to be wary of her now, you never know she may want to murder me. You know what is funny, to see Robyn wear my tops. She is wearing my tee, but her cute little double chin, she’s very up and down with her weight “hey” I said “hi” she is looking everywhere but at me “I bought the kids back but I just wanted to ask you, about Tianna. I want to speak to her again and I want to do that with you there, I want to break that barrier and just you know, fix that but I do want you to be there” she closed her eyes and I saw the sigh “I can get my mom to be there” she looked up at me “I asked you” tilting my head to the side “I want you there, I will take you both out to eat” Robyn shook her head “please, no. Just no. Come to the house, and we can sort something out” nodding my head “dad I come with you” Junior hit into the back of me “we spoke on this, I said no. I got to work now” looking down at him “daddy” looking at Robyn “you can take him” she said “Robyn, we are still friends” I said “just please” she walked away from me “just go” she walked off, shaking my head. I don’t want her to be this way.

Walking into the studio “Angie” I said to her “thank you for coming out here” shaking her hand “we don’t usually come out here in LA but for you” I grinned at her, I have a radio interview after so long. I mean record labels are still dogging me out, so I am going to make sure they regret it, I am still going to fucking do this with or without them. Jay Z is a bastard, he is not a nice person. Sitting down across from Angie “you know what, they said that he asked for you to come to LA, that he has just come back from Mexico but this interview. It’s important, I feel it. And to know I am the only person to interview after what happened, thank you” I chose Angie, I think she is dope “well I did choose you. Be easy on me now, I will be open and honest with you. Do the same with me” placing my headphones on “I will do just that, but I know it’s late. With it being pre-recorded we can always take content out or whatever if it’s not something you want” nodding my head “can you just speak into the mic” the producer asked “hi” I said, he laughed “just say hi it’s Chris brown” clearing my throat “hi it’s Chris Brown” he put his thumb up, nodding my head. Looking over at Jeff, I have no idea what I may say. Could be some fuck shit but I will be open and honest.

Smiling at Angie “you know what Chris, let’s get it out of the way. Let’s talk about what happened at the BET awards, it’s been news for weeks. Talk to me” I sighed out “do we have too” I joked “well I want you to tell me what happened because it wasn’t a good look” rubbing my chin “erm, honestly. Like I always try to be honest but this time I refuse to speak on some things, at the end of the day she is the mother of my children. I respect her and my kids, they aren’t small and I wouldn’t like my father speaking on things about my mother but erm, Rihanna she was mad with me. I think it was something pent up within her, I mean I know but I am not going to say it. Not cheating or anything but when she saw me after so long she yeah, she slapped me and threw hands at me. And I do not condone violence and there was calls for me to report it but she isn’t that person, anger got the better of her and it was at that moment. But I am not angry, I am not upset” I answered the best way I could “you looked shocked, in the content you was very shocked” rubbing the back of my neck “yeah, I didn’t know she was at the BET awards” chewing on my bottom lip and then laughed “I won’t push you on it, I am getting look from Jeff but ok. But are you both ok now?” I shrugged “I mean as well as we can be, she is good” Angie knows she isn’t getting anything out of me now “let’s speak on Roc Nation then” now this is a topic.

“So you are telling me you, as talented as you are. You aren’t getting picked up by record labels because Jay Z is stopping that?” nodding my head “yeah, his saying is that he can’t make money off me so nobody else can. So I am suffering now, I am not getting a label to take me on, so I am practically independent. They dropped me from the moment it blew up in their face, I feel like I got set up for a downfall with them. My own record label just setting me up, shit is crazy. I am literally the biggest star out there, they know this but what happened was Rihanna tried to get me out of the label anyways, but I think they didn’t want that. They dropped me instead, so it looks like there is something wrong with me, there isn’t nothing wrong at all, I still got hits” Angie looks shocked “wow, but I heard. I heard this from a friend that Rihanna signed a new contract where she has to release new albums and do a tour, I have a friend that works closely in that label and from what I heard she signed a new contract” I frowned “Rihanna really can’t be bothered with music anymore, so I don’t know about that, she has never said it to me at all” that is new “do you live with her? I heard you moved out” she knows a lot “I erm, I moved out because of the issue that happened. So we speak but we aren’t living together like that” Angie nodded her head “you are a ladies man Chris, you are” I busted out laughing “I see you Chris, you have such a charm. Seeing the girls go wild for you, so I guess being in that environment is hard for you” I shrugged “no comment” I said, Angie pointed at me as I laughed out.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Chrianna Fanfic #Chrianna Fanfiction

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weight-loss-ok · 10 months

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How to lose weight? What are the obstacles to weight loss?

The Pitfall of Constantly Seeking Immediate Results

Greetings, everyone! Today, I want to address one of the most common mistakes people make when trying to transform their bodies and embark on a new life journey. Picture this: you spend 30 minutes in front of a good mirror, under favorable lighting conditions, without blinking once, and you intensely focus on your hair. Let me ask you a question: do you notice your hair growing? Can you witness your hair lengthening right before your eyes? Of course not.

So, here’s the analogy: imagine capturing a photo of yourself today and then approaching the mirror again after six months. Do you think you would notice any difference? Would you see your hair has grown? Oh, wait, you might think it’s time for an urgent visit to the hairdresser.

But here’s the point: the first and fundamental mistake made by those who embark on a weight loss journey is constantly and obsessively trying to see immediate results. It’s akin to a person who accidentally shaved their head and eagerly stares into the mirror, hoping to witness their hair miraculously growing back. So, why do we act this way regarding weight loss? There’s only one reason: hair grows independently, and deep down, you know it will grow regardless.

The Weight Loss Insecurity Loop. Endless Fixation and Self-Torment

Weight loss is often accompanied by feelings of insecurity. What if it doesn’t work out? What if…? These doubts lead us to fixate on the process, turning our lives into an agonizing ordeal. Constantly questioning ourselves, we impatiently wonder, “When will my belly disappear?” My dear friends, this approach won’t work. After all, the sole purpose of improving our appearance is to derive more pleasure from life. However, fixating on this pursuit transforms our lives into a living hell.

Furthermore, daily weight fluctuations are common and do not necessarily indicate weight gain. Yet, worrying about these fluctuations can lead to a spiral of self-sabotage, causing you to indulge in unhealthy food out of frustration. Moreover, excessive anxiety triggers the release of cortisol, which impedes fat burning. To break free from this cycle, a little practice is required.

Practical Steps for Mindful Weight Loss. Embrace the Journey

Firstly, you now know what not to do. Recognize when you fall into the fixation trap and catch yourself in the act. Secondly, never treat body transformation as a project with a set deadline. Avoid targeting weight loss specifically for a wedding, a vacation, or the summer season. Thirdly, steer clear of restrictive diets. Firstly, diets always entail temporary changes in eating patterns, meaning they have a fixed timeframe. Secondly, weight tends to return after any diet. If you’re skeptical, please take the time to read this article I recommend.

Fourthly, remember that our results are always a consequence of the process. A beautiful body is a fact, but achieving it is a process. Similarly, an esteemed lifestyle is a process. Obesity is a process, a constant one that often goes unnoticed. However, when we struggle to fit into our favorite shorts during the summer, it becomes a fact. Aging is a process, and becoming an elderly person is a fact.

The Power of Trust and Belief. Have Confidence in Your Actions

Finally, the most crucial aspect is to trust in what you are doing. There should be no room for doubt, no “what if” or “maybe.” When it comes to lifestyle and nutrition choices, which I extensively discuss in my articles, I have never encountered a single case where someone followed all the guidelines and failed to lose weight. Not a single one. By the way, for those of you reading my article for the first time, you can find comprehensive information on guaranteed weight loss in these two articles:

Your Path to Weight Loss: Portion Control

Healthy eating. How to lose weight

Conclusion

Well, I hope you found this article valuable. Feel free to share it with your friends and leave your comments below. That’s all for today. Stay beautiful and healthy. Goodbye, everyone!

#diet #healthyeating #nutrition #slimmingworld #healthyfood #healthyliving #loseweight #fatburn #burningcalories

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howitstarted · 2 years

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sorry i died on my little blog life kinda got better but as you can tell it didnt last very long i actually relapsed which i mean its fine ig my friend always tells me relapsing is part of the recovery" he is very nice but lets talk about what happened when i did relapse (this is your tw btw) so this was 5/10/22 at 10:55 they turned white first which sacred me because after a few secs there was blood and a lot of it my hears started ringing and i think I passed out i dont know tho i have no one to confirm that it actually happened its crazy that I felt so sad that day I sh and felt way better I was so happy the next day why does my brain work like that i dont know but its whatever im actually gonna try this time no matter how bad the urge gets besides that do you guys remember d guy? if you dont just look at my other post to get the picture so I dont know why but we started talking about sex? yea i know big step im only 15 i atleast wanna wait until im 16 wk the consenting age Plus I’m still struggling with my weight and I want to get like A little slimmer if I actually do do it with him because I am so insecure about my body I literally don’t even let my mom see me in underwear which I think that’s normal but I don’t know I usually like don’t mind if my mom sees me changed but now I do mind not to mention she doesn’t know about my self harm and I don’t want her to worry about me but I’m actually gonna get on my calorie deficit again because I stop doing that I don’t know why and I feel like I’ve gained a good 5 pounds which I mean it’s OK I’m trying to be OK with it I’m trying to lose weight in a healthy way no more starving no more hair falling out no more feeling like shit so you know I’m really trying I’m gonna start it again on Monday and I’m gonna push through over the summer I’m gonna work out and hopefully I get where I want to be by sophomore year and I also don’t know how to feel about us having sex because we’re just friends I don’t even have a relationship and I don’t think I want to do it with someone I’m not even in a relationship with but along my first time with someone I’m not in love with and also my parents raised me to believe that God doesn’t like sex before marriage so I would feel low-key guilty but it’s OK I guess I don’t know how I feel about it my best friend sent me this page saying i’m not ready for sex if…. and there was like 50 things that actually made since and helped me with my confusion i don’t know rn i’m just trying to lose weight and love myself i know i always say that i’m fr this time anyways here is a song i really like rn

#Spotify

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luveline · 2 years

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a special friend, part 7 [Fred Weasley x reader]

summary: fred takes you window shopping, ruins your new dress and defends your honour [11k]

tags: smut, mental health issues, implied/referenced self-harm, she/her pronouns used for reader, fem reader

chapter list here

You were gaining weight and not sure how you felt about it. You filled out your clothes like before you'd left Hogwarts, which was perfectly fine. You were perfect just the way you were, Fred assured you.

It wasn't always your changing appearance that bothered you, it was the idea that you'd been eating a lot of food, mostly at Molly's expense. And what gave you the right to do that?

You started making excuses not to go there on Saturday's, even when you could tell Fred was puzzled and maybe even upset. He finally had enough that morning.

"Ghost. Whatever this is, I need you to tell me. Because my family likes you, my mother adores you, and they feel like they've done something wrong and I'm worried they did, too."

You were aghast, rushing to explain. "No, it's not your family. I like your family, your mum is an angel."

"Then what is it?" he asked. You knew he was frustrated and you couldn't blame him this time. Family first.

You looked down at your hands. He took a breath.

"Whatever it is, just tell me," he said softly. "Tell me."

"I don't feel like I deserve to eat," you said, words all squished together.

"You don't deserve to eat?"

"Yeah."

He looked gutted. "Ghost, you need to eat," he hooked an arm around you. You melted into his side.

"You don't need to lose any weight," he continued.

"It's not a weight thing," all the time, you didn't say.

"Then…"

"Just. I never had an appetite before, you remember. I don't like it."

He frowned at you. "You don't like eating?"

"I don't like being hungry and then eating like I deserve to not be hungry."

"You don't deserve to be hungry, Ghost. Nobody does."

"Your mum makes food for me, I'm using up her time."

He pushed the bed covers off of your crossed legs, trying to climb over you. "She likes cooking for you. She likes seeing you. She knows you're around for the long haul," he said, running his hands through his hair. You had to crane your neck to see his eyes.

"I am?"

"You know you are. Now get dressed before my mother dies of heartbreak, if you will. Please come."

He didn't ask for much and you couldn't say no to him.

"Y/N!" Molly cried at the sight of you. "I was beginning to think we scared you off!"

"Sorry, Mrs Weasley. I've been a bit busy," you lied.

She waved her tea towel at you. Something in her face made you think she knew the real story. Maybe she did - she was a mother after all.

"No apologies dearie. And it's Molly," she corrected, for the thousandth time.

"No Bill and Fleur?" Fred asked his mum, dotting a kiss on her cheek. She frowned.

"Not today, the baby has colic and they don't want to move around much. Poor thing."

She shepherded you into the kitchen where everyone else was eating already. You were always making Fred late. George pushed Ronald bodily down the table to make room for you, so Fred sat opposite.

"Ghost, my darling, I thought I'd never see you again."

"You saw me yesterday."

"Did I?" he sniffed. "Can't remember that."

"Idiot," Fred said. He started the whole meal time routine of pushing foods onto your plate. George helped.

"Guys, really. I can do it myself."

"Can you?" George asked.

"Only for the 17 years before I met you."

"Key words: before you met us," Fred said, cheerily buttering a bread roll to put on your plate.

The idea of eating anything was making you feel sick again. You crossed your legs under the table. Arthur was chattering away about something to Molly who kept asking him to repeat himself over the din of the scraping plates and Weasley chatter. Percy was reading, a book propped up against a jug of water.

The younger generation were practically screaming about changes made to the Hollyhead Harpies, who Ginny was very passionate about.

You didn't want anything too soggy or mushy looking today. You skirted around the beans and mushrooms on your plate, instead choosing to eat the bread roll with nothing in it. George put two sausages on your plate pointedly.

You were bouncing your leg under the table. You couldn’t help worrying about how much money all this food cost all the time. You were spiraling, you felt sick. What if it was morning sickness? You started panicking about being pregnant, even though you always drank the potion.

You tried to make eye contact with Fred. He would definitely know if you were pregnant.

“What?” he whispered.

You couldn’t actually ask him, that would be crazy.

“What?” he asked again, laughing.

Him being so happy and carefree put you at ease. If anything was wrong, Fred would know.

“Okay?” he mouthed.

“Yes,” you mouthed back.

“What’s the story?” George asked.

“Nothing at all. Where’s Angelina?”

“Breaking my heart somewhere,” he grinned. “Practice, always. She finishes soon though. I think you should try talking to her again when she gets here, Ghost. She wants to be friends. She said you haven’t had a ‘girls night’ in weeks..”

“She said that?” you asked.

“Yes,” George nodded.

You felt warm inside. “Really?” you couldn’t keep the pleased tone from your voice even though you tried,

“Really.”

“Oh, awesome. Okay.”

“Don’t psych yourself out. She likes you. She liked when you were almost friends,” George said.

You were excited and terrified at the same time. You hoped you’d be with Fred for the rest of your life, so it was imperative you got along with his twin’s girlfriend. And if you weren’t with Fred forever (Godric forbid), hopefully George would remain your friend. This was important and too much pressure.

But still, someone wanted to be your friend. Someone who wasn’t the twins. How exciting!

Fred was watching you fondly. “She’ll be fine.”

You and Angelina got on like a house on fire. You decided before she even sat down that you would try hard to be friendly and push through your shyness. It was easier now, with some self-esteem restored through Fred and George’s friendship and Fred’s support and affection. And you felt guilty for almost abandoning your budding friendship.

You especially enjoyed sharing the privy details of the twins’ lives with each other, as the twins were so alike.

“And he doesn’t ever remember to turn the lights off!” Angelina complained. You nodded rapidly.

“Or the heaters on at night.”

Obviously you’d talked to Angelina before, lots of times, you only thought that maybe she spoke to you for George’s sake alone. You weren’t just smiling and nodding, you were really trying - you felt like you could try. That your presence wasn’t a burden she would carry until you left her alone.

When the sun was beginning to make its way down the darkening sky, you walked down to the end of the garden to side-along beaming like an idiot.

"Shall we go somewhere?" Fred asked.

"Like where?" you asked curiously.

"Anywhere! Our lives are the size of the flat at this point."

I kind of like it like that, you thought. He disapparated, throwing you through space in the blink of an eye. You came out in a dark alleyway.

"Freddie, I trust you, but what the fuck," you murmured.

He squeezed your hands together so tightly you felt like his heartbeat and yours were on one circuit, pulling you out into the main street. It was a city town, what city you couldn't begin to guess, bustling with life and bright lights.

"Where shall we go?"

"We don't have any muggle money," you pointed out.

“I have enough for dinner. We'll window shop," he said confidently, leading you into a storefront. The shop was big, full of chairs and mattresses and bed sheets. There was a nice song playing over the speakers, cheery, slow. Fred weaved in and out of the chair's and sofas until you were staring down at the mattresses.

"I wanna lie on it so bad," you admitted.

Fred laughed in relief. "Oh my god I'm so glad you said that. Me too."

You threw yourself face down. Fred went for a backwards approach. You sunk into the mattress almost moaning out at the comfort of it.

"We need one of these," Fred said.

You tossed and turned. "It's too soft."

"Let's goldilocks this bitch," he said. You laughed madly following him to the next mattress.

You pulled the hair out of your mouth. "This one feels okay."

"It's too hard."

You giggled. "We're really goldilocksing it."

"Here," he helped you up, nudging you to the next one.

It was, as you might predict, perfect.

"How's this one?" you asked.

"I would love to tell you it's juuuuust right," he started quietly. You watched his mouth form the words, watched him roll his eyes with the same amount of nauseating love that you always did.

"But," he continued. "Something doesn't feel right."

"It's because we're not touching," you said instantly. You knew it like you knew the sky was blue. Shifting and wiggling, you cuddled close to his side, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"Now?"

He brought his arms up to hug you. "Obviously you were right, brilliant girl."

A store attendant cleared their throat from halfway across the room.

"You're such a good friend!" Fred said loudly. "What a nice non-sexual hug we are enjoying in this mattress shop!"

"Fred!" you protested, rolling away from him. The attendant was glaring. Fred stayed stretched out on the mattress and you had to tug him off of it.

"What's your obsession with pushing me out of bed?" he asked from the floor, his lovely hair splayed around him. You realised you must look ghastly from this angle and turned away from him.

"Hey, Y/N! Don't leave me here."

You heard him scramble to his feet, felt his warm hand on your elbow.

"Am I such a bad bedfellow?"

"Grow up, Weasley."

"Weasley!" He stood in front of you. "Is that anyway to address your good non-sexual friend?"

"I thought you were my bedfellow?"

"I can be both!"

"As your girlfriend of 3 months, I'd prefer it if you were my bedfellow."

He wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "Doll, I like you and all, but public isn't my style."

You leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth. He tried to turn his head, kiss your mouth. You pulled away and teased, "Friend's don't kiss on the mouth."

"Our friendship's special, isn't it?"

"Not that special," you said, dragging him down the aisle to look at bedsheets.

"Dollll," he whined.

"Thought public wasn't your style?" You poked through the sheets, feigning indifference.

He caught your moving hands and brought them to his mouth. "No more games," he said, kissing your knuckles. "A truce, if you will."

You grinned. It wasn't often Fred Weasley gave up on a joke. "Ginny told me a long time ago you were whipped for me."

"Oh did she? That's good to know. Great information that I'll definitely file away and not act on later at a time most terrible for her."

"Don't torment your sister, you tyrant. And give me back my hands, I want to choose new sheets."

"These are all too expensive anyways," he said, pulling your hands onto his shoulder. "Kiss me before I cry in the mattress shop."

You went on tip toe to whisper close to his mouth, "Stop saying 'in the mattress shop' at the end of a joke to make it funnier."

"But it works so well."

He kissed you chastely. He may as well have snogged you for the way butterflies started in your stomach.

You moved away.

"The lady's getting so mad."

"She should be. PDA in the mattress shop of all places."

You walked away without checking he was following. You looked through throw blankets and pillows, feeling the luxurious materials under your hands. Fred commented on which ones he thought were tacky. You’d seen the way he dressed before 7th year, but you wouldn’t judge. He held up a blanket with a huge wolf emblazoned across it, laughing before he could even get the words out.

“This in our front room.”

When he said ‘our’, you knew he meant his and George’s. Still, it felt like he meant yours and his.

“No,” you shook your head, “absolutely not under any circumstances. Even-“ you cut him off, his mouth open, about to speak, “if you’re dying and this is the only blanket that would save your life.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” he said unconvincingly, folding the blanket to put back.

You both wandered out of the store and back onto the street, the sky darker and headlights from cars brighter.

“Look,” Fred said. He pointed to a charity shop three times as wide as the one near your home. To get there you had to cross the busy roads and you did so, screaming at Fred’s sudden sprint. He pulled you by the wrist, laughing at your fright.

You panted. “What’s wrong with you?”

“So many things,” he said, kissing you on the cheek. “Don’t be mad, Ghost. You’ll get frown lines.”

“I will not!” you said, letting him guide you into the charity shop. It was dimmer than the blinding white lights of the mattress shop. There were patrons all over the place, you could hardly count the people in here. Couples and old women and a man who couldn’t be older than you or Fred with a chihuahua in a baby carrier.

“We should get a dog,” Fred said.

“So you can carry it around like a baby?”

Fred set off down the aisle towards the end of the row. “If I wanted to carry something around like a baby, I’d have a baby.”

“By yourself?”

“Yes, Ghost, by myself,” he said sarcastically. You passed rows of clothes and big thick coats.

“Now this is interesting,” he said, pausing at the bric-a-brac. He picked up a little robin statuette, made of coloured glass. “What’s this do?”

“Nothing, I suppose.”

You poked a ziplock bag full of beads. They rattled. Fred sorted through the stuff with more interest than yourself, and it struck you that, as a pureblood, he might not be used to muggle stuff like this. The only charity shops he’d been to had been small, mostly clothes, yourself not long ago. It was fascinating, watching him discover old-fashioned lighters, a bread cutter that had seen better days, a flashlight you had to wind up with your hand.

You let him do his thing, setting your sight on a circle clothes rack laden with dresses of every kind. Slips, shifts, body cons and a-line skirts. You picked at the sequins on a particularly bad mermaid silhouette dress.

Fred came up behind you.

“That’s terrible.”

“This one?” you said, faking a dejected tone. “I quite liked it… you don’t?”

“I was-“ he cleared his throat, “-it was sarcasm, Ghost. It’s lovely.”

“No it isn’t,” you said normally.

The way his face lit up when he realised you’d got one over him was adorable. “Fiendish thing, I was about to pretend I liked that dress for the rest of our lives.”

“Hmm,” you said, pushing dresses across the rack in search of something actually nice enough to wear.

Something caught your eye. It was a satin binding mini dress with a v-neckline. The dress was cut in 3 panels, deep red contrast lines starting at the bottom of the dress and contouring up naturally where your breasts would begin, bisecting the champagne fabric.

It was stunning.

“That’s lovely,” Fred said.

“Very modern,” you said, running the single layer fabric between your fingers. “I don’t think I’d fill it out right.”

“I’m determined to prove you wrong,” he said, looking through his pockets and extracting his wallet. You turned the tag of the dress over and was pleasantly surprised at the price.

The lady at the front counter smiled at you both. “You’re a cute couple.”

Fred put his hand on your shoulder. “We are.”

“Thank you!” you said, accepting the bag from her, beaming.

“Where to now?” you asked Fred, almost tripping down the shop’s ramp and back into the busy street. It was almost dark.

“We spent all our money on your lovely dress,” he said, swinging your hand between you both as you walked.

“So no dinner?”

“We could go somewhere in Diagon Alley?”

“It’s all shut now,” you sighed through your nose.

“We could just go home. I can make pasta! Fettuccine or red pesto or something?”

“Mmm, that sounds nice,” you said.

He stuttered to a stop and you gave pause. “What, Fred?”

He was looking through the windows of a jewellery shop. The display was full of rings and bracelets, necklaces and big fat diamond earrings that sparkled from the streetlights and shop signs. Inside, you could see a couple who didn’t look much older than you with an assistant, showing them rings out of the glass cabinet.

He squeezed your fingers. You squeezed back.

“Come on, Ghost, let’s go home. It’s too cold.”

“Gonna drag me down a dark alleyway again?”

He dragged you down the dark alleyway. You disapparated to just outside the shop again. It was quiet down Diagon Alley, the silence broken only by the shop’s moving arm chugging up and back down.

You let him unlock the door, thinking your fingers might be too cold to turn the key. You left behind the alley, the shop floor like you’d left it the night before, the stairs to the flat. You kicked off your shoes at the entrance.

“George?” Fred called into the flat.

He didn’t call back. He was likely at Angelina’s for the night, where he spent most weekends. It was weird as you got older, when you first met the twins they were always side by side, always planning. Even a weekend away from each other felt alien.

Fred pulled his scarf and coat off. You didn’t bother, still cold. Fred wrangled them off you while you protested, edging away from him.

“I’m cold, Fred.”

He was laughing, peppering kisses all over your face as you tried to fight his thieving hands. He put your coat up next to his and pulled you into a hug.

“I’ll warm you up in no time.”

“This isn’t working,” you said, lips smushed against his chest.

“No?” Quick as a flash, he’d pulled his shirt over your head. You wrapped your arms around his naked back. He peered down his neckline at you.

“Cosy?”

“Super cosy.”

He walked you backwards to the kitchen and you laughed all the way, almost falling backwards on the slippery kitchen floor.

“I can’t cook with you in there,” he said.

You kissed his chest. “Too bad, heartthrob,” you said, then extracted yourself anyway.

He smoothed down your ruffled hair and turned away to start cooking dinner. You tried your best to help him, ultimately getting in the way more than anything. He put you on stirring duty.

It was in moments like this that you thought back to Hogwarts and how, if it weren’t for Fred and George’s inherent and abundant kindness, you would probably be spending every evening alone or with your mother. You might be dead.

That was a scary thought to have. Scarier still to watch your boyfriend chopping vegetables and think, Godric, there was a chance I never would’ve watched him cutting vegetables. And it wasn't special or intimate or anything like that, but it broke your heart. You wondered if that’s how it felt for Fred when he found out you were hurting yourself, if he’d looked at you in the shower dripping wet and thought, I might never have seen her do this at all.

There were so many things you would’ve missed out on and still so many more. Had the ghost of you wasted away in that castle a thousand miles away, you never would’ve gone to that perfumed smelling charity shop and had your boyfriend buy you a dress. You never would’ve lived a life surrounded by people who loved you and wanted you to show up for family breakfast every single Saturday and saved you a plate. You never would’ve understood how sex with somebody doesn’t have to be just sex, that it could be beautiful and silly and you could laugh the whole while and not ruin the mood.

All your life you’d felt as though something was missing - was there a reason you couldn’t find people who understood you? Were you the wrong shape, the wrong size? What about your face, was it the wrong face? Your body?

Worse, was it your personality? Your humour, your interests? You’d tried so hard to be someone people could love, erasing and erasing the parts of you that made you you until there was nothing left. Or almost nothing.

Until two brilliant boys saw something in you that you thought you’d rubbed out a long time ago. Until they never gave up on you, never pressured change, never thought an ‘I love you’ would fix every wrong part of you.

Fred had given you so many chances and so much forgiveness that it made you sick. Did that make him your god, the fact that from everybody on this whole planet, it was him that you would seek an absolution now?

Because whatever you did in this miserable and exhaustingly happy life, it would be for Fred now. You couldn’t live for yourself, you hadn’t, but you would for Fred. You promised yourself that.

And whatever was missing from inside you, Fred didn’t care. Or maybe he cared so much it got all filled up.

“Fred?” you asked.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

You didn’t bother forcing a moment, didn’t bother to stop stirring the soup. Saying it didn’t make it more true than it had been for hours, for days, for weeks and months. From the night you slept in his bed at Christmas or the day he gave you the necklace or the afternoon he and George realised you’d been standing behind them all along, that you’d heard every word they’d been saying.

You were dirty and tired and full of cuts and welts from scratching and your hair didn’t ever look perfect, your clothes weren’t anything to write home about. You didn’t have an award-winning smile, you couldn’t model with your body.

None of it mattered. You might not be special to the world, but you were special to Fred Weasley.

Fred felt a bit more passionately about your declaration than you thought he would, immediately abandoning the cutting board, turning off the heat.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

“I know you do,” you said. You weren’t arrogant. You just knew.

“I was going to say it first,” he said, sliding his hand down your forearm. You gripped his back, like a pact.

“You already did, Freddie. A million times before.”

He kissed you on the forehead. “I love you. I’ll find a million different ways to tell you.”

And that was that - a million different ways, he said? Then you would find a trillion. You stepped on his toes and he stepped on yours, laughing when you pulled back only to try again, till you were almost shrieking at his offense.

“Think about how many siblings I have and then reevaluate why what you just tried was stupid,” he suggested.

You turned the heat back on under the saucepan, smiling even though your toes hurt.

Fred finished chopping up the ingredients and soon a delicious smelling sauce was cooking away on the stovetop. You sneaked spoonfuls of sauce when he wasn’t looking, though a tell-tale trail of green around your mouth gave you away.

He batted your hands away from the saucepan and told you to set the table, which was extremely funny to you because setting the table in the twins’ flat consisted of two coasters and two forks on either side of the table. Fred finished cooking the pasta and added it to the sauce, blinking away the hot steam that drifted into his face. He levitated the bowls onto the table in a display of skill that served to remind you just how smart and skilled he was. He didn’t spill a drop.

He pushed his place setting over to be next to yours, uninterested in a romantic candlelit dinner. His thigh brushed up against yours every time he moved, his elbow against yours when he took a mouthful. The elation of being loved so deeply you knew it like you knew there to be blood in your veins made it so that you didn’t think, not once, about being sick or giving up.

Plus, what better way to say you loved someone than to eat a plate of their food and compliment it? You took a moment between mouthfuls to press your fingers to his arm, giving in to the urge to always be close to him if only for a second. He tilted his head and neck so that his cheek covered your hand.

“How is it, doll?” he asked, sipping at the large glass of water you’d poured for him.

“It’s nice,” you said. “Would've been nicer if it were spaghetti.”

“Not funny, at all,” he said. The smile colouring his voice said otherwise. How funny to think it had been almost two months since that night where you’d eaten pasta and heard that horrible man complain about spaghetti.

It felt surreal and not. It was your life, it was a lot of things. You’d given up on the perfect girlfriend facade and the urge to punish yourself for little things had slowly fallen away, never completely, but enough to live your life. You’d done that for Fred and everyone who cared about you, including yourself.

You couldn’t stop thinking about it tonight - how you were sickened by gratefulness. It wouldn’t stop rushing through your head. You let Fred finish his meal, let him pull you down into the sofa with the TV, channel surfing. You let him make silly jokes and poke your ribs with the remote and still couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“Fred.”

“What?”

“When I said I love you, I meant to say thank you. Or maybe I meant both. I do love you, and I love you separate from the thank you, but I didn’t actually say thank you. So thank you.”

He listened so compassionately it made you glad you’d spoken up about it.

“I guess I have some thank-you’s to give you as well. Thank you for every word you’ve said to me when you felt like you couldn’t talk. Thank you for those months where you were alone in Hogwarts. Thank you for trying so hard,” -he played with your fingers in his hands- “I know you did a lot of stuff just because I asked you to.”

“I did.”

He hummed. “You make it easy to love you.”

It was so far from how you perceived yourself and your actions it stopped you. You laughed, “Fred, I’m lots of things, but…”

“You’re more than easy to love. I swear I loved you before I knew you, because where else would it all have come from? There’s so much of it.”

“You’re getting sappy now,” you said ironically.

“Accept my sap, you sap. Or don’t be so you and I’ll find a way to overcome this.”

“I don’t want you to overcome this.”

“As if I could.”

You kissed his stubbley jaw. “Wanna try on my new dress?”

“Gosh, don’t I just wish I could. You’ll have to wear it instead, doll,” he said, voice dripping in ire.

You pulled out of his grasp to go find the dress. It was folded nicely in the bag and it hadn't been too long to crease. You stripped out of the clothes you'd been wearing to your underwear and bra and wrestled with the dress. It was a tight fit, though shapely. You couldn't reach the zipper between your shoulder blades and your bra straps ruined the whole thing, you decided, pulling it off.

"Fred," you called into the flat. "Can you come help me, please?"

"What?" he asked, appearing in the threshold of his bedroom. His eyes softened at the sight of you. "Oh, Ghost, don't you just look like something else."

You twirled, finishing with your back to him. "Zip me up please."

He did so. You had shivers at the proximity, leaning so that your hair wasn't in his way. He steadied the fabric at the small of your back and zipped you up so that the fabric was now tight to your breasts.

"Tada."

You turned to face him again. "How do I look?"

"Divine, my darling," he drawled dramatically. "Stand upon the bed so I might appraise you further, my dearest beloved."

You entertained this command, climbing onto his wobbly bed, feeling your sock-clad feet sink into the mattress. He walked back and forth the room.

"Simply divine," he said again, rubbing his forehead. "Godric, I must alert the press."

"Okay," you said, moving to hop down. "That's enough of that, Shakespeare."

He met you at the edge, looking up into your face with his hands on your waist. "Shakespeare was the playwright, not the actor."

"Let me down, contrarian bastard. Who even told you about Shakespeare?”

"Bastard! I might just tell your mother about that one."

He spun around, presenting his back to you. "Climb aboard, madam."

"What? Fred, I'm too heavy."

"Shut up."

You curled your hands around his neck. "You're so rude sometimes and I don't think you notice."

He reached his hands back to hook your calves into place. "Whatever you say. Are we ready to go?"

You sighed into his hair. "I regret this and we haven't even moved."

He straightened out. You felt his every step in your whole body, jostling you so that the dress was hiking higher and higher up your back. You feared your underwear were on public display and attempted to loosen one hand to fix it. You almost fell off.

"Hold on tightly!" he demanded. You'd done a lap of his room and were now off out into the rest of the flat. It was kind of fun. You pecked the top of his ear peeking through his hair, grinning to yourself.

He ruined the moment by taking off into an all out sprint. You knew if there were cameras pointed at you both that neither of you would've looked particularly attractive, Fred's face screwed up in concentration so that he didn't drop you and your own contorted in abject fear.

"What is your obsession with carrying me around like a sack of potatoes?" you shouted.

"You're a gorgeous little sack of potatoes!"

"Put me down!" He didn't, of course, charting a course around the sofa to almost slip on the rug. You wailed. "Weaselbee! Put me down or I want a divorce."

He stopped at the bathroom door, turning his neck to look at you. You adjusted so you were hovering over his shoulder, face to face.

"You can't divorce me, we haven't married yet,” Fred said.

"It's a preemptive divorce. And I want half of everything."

"I always knew you were a gold digger."

"Get a prenuptial if it bothers you so much."

"You can't get a prenup if you're already married."

"You just said we weren't!"

He leaned down to let you slide from his back. You breathed harshly, grateful for your feet to be back on solid ground. The dress was a little rumpled.

"Did I? I don't remember."

"That's definitely early onset-dementia."

Fred gasped. "You can't joke about that!"

"Apologies. So, do you seriously like the dress?"

Fred smirked at you. "You look brilliant. I have amazing taste."

"You should buy all my dresses from now on."

"I wasn't talking about the dress."

"As seductive as that is, I literally asked you specifically about the dress. For a smart guy, you lack basic comprehension."

"My 'bondrelenshun' is just fine, thanks."

You laughed at his joke, smiling beatifically.

He simpered. "Godric, you're lovely. Do a spin again."

You did as he asked. The delicate edge of the dress flared out like a tulip's petal, waved and soft on your thighs.

“Worth every penny,” he said, sidling forward.

He used the full length of his hand to steer your face up. You straightened your back, giving yourself the height you needed to kiss him.

Your stomach was aflame. Shyly, you brought your hand up to his waist, almost standing on tip-toes to kiss him back. Where your hand touched him you could feel the heat leaking through his shirt into your palm. He leaned down further so that you could go flat on your heels again, deepening the kiss. You felt yourself drift backwards to lean against the bathroom doorway.

The saying ‘give an inch and they’ll take a mile’ was astute in this situation. Fred took your retreat as an invitation, which it was, to crowd you, second hand travelling up your arm to your neck. He slid his finger under one of the spaghetti straps of your dress and pulled on it gently.

He slid it to one side. The dress fell down an inch. You laughed into his mouth.

Fred was trying to seduce you. Whether it was working or not was another thing. You were susceptible if nothing else, letting him move you about every which way till you were leaning on the bathroom threshold, trying to reach up on your toes to kiss him back.

He grinned to himself, hunching down so you wouldn’t have to go to all that trouble. He led one way and you followed with your mouth, eager and attentive to the subtleties in his movements. He tried his luck, fiddling with the strap on your dress. You laughed in glee, pushing the other strap down so that the fabric was held up by the peak of your breasts and nothing more.

You tried to reach back for the zip. “Don’t,” Fred implored you. “It’s such a nice dress. Don’t take it off.”

“You wanna fuck me in my dress? Fred, you romantic.”

“You’re so lewd,” he said, pulling you up against his chest. You kissed his neck once, twice.

“Yes, I want to fuck you in your dress,” he admitted.

“Magic words?”

“Please?”

You smiled all evil, eyes full of happiness. “I like it when you say please.”

“I’m not fucking you in our bathroom,” he said instead of replying, pulling you by the hand to his bedroom. Or, he could say, your bedroom. It smelled more like you than it did of him. You had a pile of clothes on his desk chair, your earrings were all over his desk and your dirty socks were at the bottom of his bed.

You sat on his bed and shuffled backwards against the headboard. Fred followed, laying you out flat so he could hover over you and put kisses wherever he felt you needed them. He brushed his thumb over the healed cuts on your leg and kissed your chest, straight down the middle of you till he was kissing the space between your cunt and your bellybutton through fabric.

You pulled it up. He would’ve laughed at your eagerness had he not experienced you like this before. He kissed the freshly exposed skin, nipping lightly to bask in your tremors.

“We never put music on when we do this,” you commented, your feet moving back and forth restlessly.

“What a weird way to say you’re bored,” Fred said, deadpan, resting the side of his face against your abdomen. He could hear your stomach making sounds.

You carded your hand through his hair. He rolled in the pleasure of such simple contact, tempted to sleep right there on your stomach.

“It’s funny listening to you breath,” you said. “I think, if you died, I could pretend to be you through your breathing alone.”

“Again, weird way to say that.”

“You’re impossible,” you said, pushing his face off your stomach. Fred frowned. Damned girl. He could almost predict the trick you were about to play.

You pushed him flat on his back and climbed atop him, planting yourself directly over his crotch. He felt his entire body heat up. You pushed your gentle hands flat-palmed up the length of his stomach, his shirt bunching up at the armpits, to plant your own row of kisses down his torso.

You shuffled backwards. Fred groaned, dropping his head back on the bed. You laughed at him knowingly, purposefully gracing the bulge forming in his trousers with the side of your hand with the pretense that you were adjusting yourself to plant kisses at the skin above his waistband.

Your face was much too pleased. Fred felt at once that you were about to do something evil, and he couldn't help from balling his hands into fists. Your cheek never left the skin of his stomach as you kissed him, even as you began unzipping his trousers.

You took the whole of him in your hand, face resting on his stomach, to pump lazily, sluggish movements that slowly took his semi to a full erection. Fred hardly minded if you took your time; you had all the time in the world.

When he was finally hard you inched forward, kissing a line until your lips were against the base of his shaft, the side, the tip. You licked the bead of precum that was forming and took the tip of him into your mouth.

He shuddered. You were so incredibly careful with him that he felt at once privileged and insane. Where you couldn't fit him in your mouth you jerked his dick. Where you could, you were a dream, licking and swallowing around him so that he found himself a whimpering, pathetic mess of a man. He weaved his fingers into your hair, pulling you back.

You whined, moving forward again. You took a deep breath, making valiant attempts to fit his length to the back of your mouth. Fred wasn't eager for this, afraid of making you gag.

"Enough, Ghost."

"C'mon," you pleaded. "Let me. Think how cute it will be when you cum in my mouth."

"Ghost," he said, voice an octave higher than usual.

You pouted but pulled your mouth away, using his abdomen as a cushion again while you pumped, rubbing your thumb over the tip of his head with the other hand at the base.

"Come use your mouth up here instead," he begged, weary of his oncoming climax. If you managed to undo him before you fucked it might take longer than either of you wanted for him to be ready again.

You crawled back up his chest, rubbing your clothed cunt against his aching dick. He pulled you down, grimacing at the accidental force of it, to kiss you again, opening your mouth up with his. When you pulled back a string of spit connected your lips.

You wrinkled your nose. "Grim," you said. Fred just laughed.

He pulled your underwear aside, feeling along your slit with his fingers. He retracted his hand, spit, pushed it back between your legs. He rubbed your entrance, smiling to himself at the way your eyes drifted closed.

He pushed his fingers inside in a long, dragging motion, curling them up into your walls. You shuddered, collapsing against him.

He always tried to be his most gentle at this part to put you at ease. You went boneless under his touch, keening when he spread his fingers inside you, soon relaxing in response to his ministrations.

"Alright," Fred said, dragging slick out of you when he pulled his fingers free. You sighed, annoyed even if you wouldn't say. "Lie down."

You extracted a perfect leg from his side to lie by his side. He quickly climbed to his knees to maneuver you into a terribly erotic position. He knew that this image of you would litter his thoughts for a long, long time. You looked at him with all the adoration he could ever wish for.

"Are you ready?" he asked from the space between your knees.

"Go slow?" you asked, outstretching your hands towards him.

"Anyway you want it, sweetness."

Your dress was all pushed up over your stomach. He positioned himself at your entrance, taking a tiny shallow thrust before reaching to hold your open hands.

He stayed kneeling, using his hips to thrust into you. You tightened your hands on his, white-knuckled. He was pleased, perhaps more than any man should be, at your reaction, your happy little whimper at the stretch.

"Okay?" he asked.

"Yep," you replied shortly, going back to making little sounds that made him feel like he might cum then and there.

You were extremely reactive, every thrust pulling a sound from you. He knew it made you embarrassed to be so loud, but it wouldn't stop him from trying his very best to ease them out of you. He was only a man, after all, and you looked so good, flushed and shy.

Fred had almost pushed his entire length in you when you closed your eyes. "Ghost," he cooed. "Won't you open your eyes?"

You shook your head.

"How else will you see how cute you looked all fucked open?"

Your full-body was wracked with shakes. "You can look for both of us."

He used where you were connected by hands to pull you down onto his entire length, bottoming out. He felt you constrict around him, the feeling sending heat deep into his stomach. Your eyes opened reluctantly, raising your head to look at where your bodies were connected.

He stayed seated deeply inside you, moving his hips up and down. You were biting your cheeks hard to keep from making sounds. Fred stole one of his hands back to press down on your abdomen. You cried out, trying to push his hand away.

"You felt that, Ghost?"

"You're evil."

"You didn't like it?"

"I don't want to play this game with you," you lied. You'd made it clear several times you really liked playing this game.

"If you didn't like it…" He pulled out.

"Fred."

"Y/N."

You sighed, your hips moving down to compensate for the loss. "I liked it," you admitted.

Fred pushed back in.

"But you already knew that," you said breathlessly.

He did.

He pushed his hand back down on your stomach the way you wanted him to and used it as leverage to thrust into where he thought you liked most. You gave up on being quiet, grip startlingly tight on his wrist.

He was constantly trying to assess what you were feeling during sex. It had been a big concern of his at the start of the relationship that you might do anything he asked you to without actually thinking about it if you wanted to do it, so he asked a lot of questions for his own peace of mind.

You seemed to be enjoying yourself, but verbal confirmation never hurt.

"How's that?" he asked, pushing his thumb into the soft flesh of your clit to draw stars. "Okay?"

You lifted your leg up, knee wobbling every time he drove into the hilt. "Yeah."

"Yeah? Feel good?"

"Feels good," you confirmed, voice clouded with pleasure. Fred held your leg up to take some of the effort from you. Now with both hands free you played with your breasts through your dress, the hard buds of your nipples. Fred was never a painter but he swore you were a work of art. He would've learned to draw, trained his hands until his fingers bled if he thought he could ever make something that captured the essence of you.

You'd never had a high threshold when it came to your climax, the sensitive skin of your clit may as well been an instant on button, especially as Fred refused to pace himself like you would've yourself, rubbing the sweet little bud until every inhale was a gasp. The leg he held closed instinctively, almost knocking his hand away.

You came in fits and starts. He cherished the way your chest lifted from the sheets, how you couldn't seem to draw breath, and the illicit moan that you failed to cover up with your hand.

He pulled out, weary of your shaking legs because of how rough he'd been with you. You protested weakly.

"You didn't cum," you pouted.

Fred palmed himself using your wetness as lube, grinning.

"You did," he said smugly.

You sat up, pushing your hands between your legs so you didn't fall straight flat again. "Can I?" you asked, eyes on his dick. He fell back on the bed, knees aching.

"You don't have to ask me," he said. He was more than happy for you to continue what you'd started earlier.

You shuffled forward, dress falling back down to cover you up. A loss, in his eyes. You arranged yourself to lie on your stomach, elevated by your elbows. You stuck your pink tongue out to lick the underside of his dick.

You'd only done oral a handful of times. Your first time, weeks ago, nervous and excited and adorably eager, you'd bitten him only twice and apologised so profusely he couldn't find it in himself to mind.

You'd made some strides since then, in Fred's humble opinion.

He gathered your hair out of your face to hold in one hand, the other rubbing the tightness out of your shoulders. You hummed gratefully, the sound causing him to twitch and buck into your mouth.

You giggled madly and did it again.

Fred groaned, pushing himself into your mouth gently so as to allow you time for adjusting. You didn't care for it, bobbing up and down with little regard for your comfort, though you were careful of your teeth.

You pulled all the way back to give special treatment to his head, slurping the dribble that worked its way down his shaft. He pulled you away from his shaft when he knew he was close, letting you pump with increasing speed until he'd spurted white down your fingers, down your arm.

You licked your hand clean. Fred resisted the urge to propose marriage, lest anyone else ever see do such a thing.

"Don't look at me like that," you said. "I didn't do anything."

"You know what you did," he said, helping you up from your stomach. You kneeled on the bed across from him, both your knees interlocking. You leaked a mess all over his sheets with little regard, taking his hand in yours to pepper kisses up his forearm.

"I love you, Freddie," you said.

Fred felt as though he could cry. He pulled you up, you protesting as your naked cunt slid up the fabric covering his thigh, leaving a wet mark.

"I love you too," he said, hoping to convey the tenderness he felt in his hands, pushing your hair out of your face to kiss your hairline.

You rocked against his thigh.

"You'll kill me," Fred said, sighing in defeat. He would let you.

Lee Jordan's birthday party was maybe the first outing that you and Fred had reason to attend as a couple, and it worried you sick.

You didn't know what to wear, or how to do your hair. Would Fred be disappointed if you looked bad? Would it embarrass him? What if he took your dressing up nice as a ploy to get the attention of other people?

You stressed out in your bedroom. Fred lounged on your bed, flicking through a scrapbook from your childhood.

"You were not a happy child," he said softly.

"No, I was miserable. All I wanted to do was sit in people's laps and read."

You shrugged off the dress you were wearing to try on another. Fred flipped a page.

"What's wrong with the one we bought last week?" Fred asked again.

"You know exactly what's wrong with it, Fred Weasley."

"We'll get you a brooch."

You peeled off the next dress and chucked it at him. He caught it effortlessly.

You tried on the next one. They were all too short or out of fashion, this one was long enough to cover everything important, except the scars on your leg. This didn't truly matter, but still. Fred Weasley would not have a fuck up for a girlfriend, you told yourself. You'd wear something sweet and you'd talk to all his friends, even if they all already knew the mess that you were in school.

You sank down onto your knees, peering into your wardrobe. Godric, was it you, or was it getting hard to breathe in here? You picked uselessly at the skin of your hip, wondering why even though you felt fine, this was a small setback, you felt like you could shut down. Why couldn’t you get past this? Why were you always that stupid young girl who covered her ears and stopped speaking when the smallest of things didn’t go right?

Fred sat down beside you, crossing his legs.

“We don’t have to go,” he said.

“Yes, we do.”

“Not if it’s going to upset you.”

You smiled at him. “I’m not upset. I just wanted to lie down.”

“Then lie down,” he prompted. “Your own personal pillow right here.”

You put your face in his lap. He set upon your hair instinctively, pulling threads of it from your face to tuck behind your ears. “What’s wrong with this one?”

“It doesn’t cover my leg.”

“It doesn’t have to, doll. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Plus, you have beautiful legs.”

You wriggled your face into the meat of his thigh. “I’m not sure I want people to know.”

He nodded. “Tights? You could wear pyjamas if you liked.”

“I want to look nice. I want people to know I’m different now.”

Fred brought his arms around you in a hug. “Ghost, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. The only person whose opinion should matter to you is your own.”

“Your opinion matters to me.”

“Yeah, ditto babe. So let’s worry about ourselves and fuck everybody else, okay?”

“I’d prefer if we only fucked each other, also.”

He tickled the back of your neck. “Don’t be difficult, Y/L/N.”

You were reluctant to move from his lap, though your knees hurt and your make up was probably getting smudged against his trousers. He didn’t seem eager to move either, fingernails finding pathways through your hair to trace your scalp. You shuddered, shying away from his touch.

“My shy girl,” he murmured. “Wear what you want. If anyone so much as looks at you funny, I’ll take care of it.”

You went to tease him, say something saractasic, like, oh, Fred, my bad boy. But it was so nice, so sickeningly lovely, to have somebody say that to you and knew they meant it that all that came out was hot air.

You knew he’d let you lie there in his lap and forget the party even though he wanted to go. You reluctantly left the warmth of his lap to scrounge up a pair of tights to wear. It was an undignified performance to put tights on in front of somebody else, though Fred watched as though you were performing a magic trick. The dress you were wearing was dark, slate grey. You skipped your feet into your tall shoes, marveling at how tall they made you whilst standing next to Fred.

You lead him down the stairs and out through the front door. “Bye, Mrs Y/L/N!” Fred called out.

“Oh, bye darlings! Be safe!”

“Yep, see you!” you called back, closing the door behind you both.

You shivered all the way down past the wards. Fred held his hand out. You accepted, letting him side-along you to the path outside Lee Jordan’s flat.

He’d been traveling for a few months with work, and was now home for at least a little while, Fred had told you. Fred was more than excited to see his friend from school, the happiness basically rolling off of him in waves.

Fred and his friends had always been popular, a fact you conveniently forgot. You felt wickedly special that out of all the girls in your year, Fred had somehow needed your with you. You didn’t have to knock, the door flung open, lights and music streaming out of the door.

“His neighbours can’t be very happy,” you mumbled, feeling yourself drift closer to Fred’s side in reaction to the sheer amount of people. Most you recognized.

“What was that, doll?”

You shook your head, it didn’t matter. Lee Jordan was surrounded by people, George close to his side. Fred cheered. “Lee!”

They engaged in a friendly bro hug, patting each other on the back. You watched them celebrate, smiling.

“You know my girlfriend, Y/N,” Fred said, pulling back to wrap his arm around your shoulder.

“Y/N! Girlfriend now? That means he can be my best friend again, right?” he asked, laughing in goodnature.

“Happy birthday,” you said, shifting from foot to foot.

“Thank you, thank you! I’ll be drinking soup from a straw soon enough.”

They descended into a conversation you couldn’t quite edge into. It was always the same when it came to the twins and Lee Jordan, had been that way at school. When they talked it was a dance you didn’t know. Lee ushered Fred into having a drink. When he offered you something to drink you accepted, even though you weren’t keen.

You caught George’s eye. “Angie’s in the kitchen with Alicia, if you want to go see her! It’s a bit quieter in there.”

“Yeah? She won’t mind?”

“No! She asked me if you’d be here tonight, she wants to see you!”

You blushed. “Okay, I’ll go look.” You were both speaking quite loudly to be heard over the music, the vibrations so strong you could feel it in your chest.

His flat wasn’t large enough to get lost. You wandered into the kitchen, feeling nervous, to find Angelina and a group of Gryffindor girls you knew via association. You took a large gulp of your drink in preparation.

“Hi, Angelina.”

“Hey! Guys, this is Y/N, you remember. She’s Fred’s girlfriend.”

“Wow,” Alicia said. “That makes you and Angie, like, sisters-in-law.”

Angelina shifted where she was leaning on the countertop to make room for you. You put your cup down behind you and leaned back too, feeling the sound of your heart in your ears.

A girl you didn’t know the name of but remembered as being nice enough smiled at you. “Fred Weasley, huh. How do you deal with all that? I’d be looking over my shoulder waiting to be pranked at every corner.”

You smiled at her in understanding. “Fred never plays games on me.”

The group of girls couldn’t believe it. “What, never?”

“No,” you smiled nervously. Was he supposed to?

“That’s so cute,” Alicia said.

“I’m jealous,” Angelina said. “George won’t leave me alone. He charmed my hairbrush to turn into a rubber rat when I picked it up this morning. I screamed bloody murder.”

Your stomach turned. “Is it a bad thing?” you asked, insecure.

“No! It’s adorable,” one girl jumped to say.

“Plus, he’s probably a bit worried you’ll get freaked out,” one girl said. You knew her face but not her name. The girl next to her elbowed her in the side.

“What? She’s-“ her friend stomped on her foot. She looked appropriately scolded.

Somebody coughed.

“Have you seen Lee’s cake?” Angelina asked you. You downed the rest of your drink before answering.

“No, is it cool?”

“I think it’s one of those trick cakes,” Alicia said, mixing her drink with a straw. “Like, somethings gonna jump out of it. Refill?” she asked you.

“Yes, I think so.”

She grabbed your arm, tugging you over to the table of drinks in the living room part of the flat. It was so crowded you couldn’t see Fred anymore.

“I’m Alicia,” she said, ditching her cup for a fresh one. “You already know that, but I thought I’d introduce myself properly.”

“I’m Y/N.”

“Yeah, I know.” She laughed to herself, pouring a shot's worth of something into your cup and her own. She topped them both off with lemonade and ice. “Ignore Melissa, she’s just jealous. You and Angie made away with the cutest guys here.”

You laughed abruptly. “I didn’t really notice.”

“Fred’s a nice guy. Plus, I hope it’s okay to say, you seem heaps happier now than you did in school.”

“I - I am,” you stuttered. “I’m much happier.”

She nodded, bringing her drink to her lips. “That’s great! School isn’t for everyone, you know?”

You took a convenient sip of your own, unsure of what to say. Somebody pushed past you, almost sending your drink all over the place. There was a gaggle of boys laughing so loudly they may as well have been standing right next to you.

“When did you and Fred get together?” she asked.

“About 3 months ago.”

“Really? I thought you were dating in school.”

“No, just friends.”

“I wish I had a friend like,” she laughed, eyes following somebody across the room. “Ew, who let Cronus in?”

You felt your entire heart drop into your stomach. Cronus, as in Jonathan, your ex-boyfriend? Alicia pointed through the crowd, and sure enough, Jonathan was laughing with a group of girls, his head tilted back.

“You don’t like him?” you asked. Everyone liked Jonathan.

She shook her head. “He gives me such smarmy feelings.” Her hand dropped.

You hugged your arms tight across your chest. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen him in person - he was the year above in school, had left before you even made friends again. The version of you that knew Jonathan didn’t exist anymore.

As though he could feel your eyes on him, he looked up. A smile warped his face. You looked down at your chest, heart pounding. You should go find Fred, or George.

And ruin their night? Right. You let yourself have a stressed moment of panic. It wasn’t as though he’d approach you.

“Y/N?”

You looked up, a deer in headlights. He was barely taller than you and somehow still managed to look down his nose at you. You felt yourself slip into a version of you that didn’t exist anymore, smaller and neater.

“Cronus,” Alicia said.

Jonathan smiled like something was hilarious. “You look great. And you too, Spinnet.”

“Thanks,” you muttered.

He was entirely too close. You shrank into yourself, covering your chest tightly.

“New style?”

“Yes,” you answered, almost automatic.

“It suits you. Couldn’t play mouse forever, I suppose.”

You faltered. “People change.”

“No, they don’t. Say, Alicia, could I have a moment alone here?”

“You’re alright,” Alicia said, planting her feet. “I think I’ll stay.”

His lip curled. He smoothed it all down, falling back into his friendly facade. “Come on, Spins. Me and Y/N were a thing before, you know? Let us get reacquainted.”

“Alicia, stay,” you said, trying your best to stare him right in the face. “Please.”

He put his hand to his chest, looking so sincerely offended you almost believed him. “Y/N, have I done something? I thought we ended on good terms.”

“We ended just fine. I don’t want to be reacquainted, is all.”

“I see.” His eyes darkened. He was annoyed now, his sense of justice taking over. You’d been rude to him. Jonathan couldn’t stand rudeness. “You know, I liked you better when you didn’t talk so much.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” Fred had to shout to be heard over the din of the room. The people closest to you stilled. You felt yourself relax at his arrival, though his tone of voice sent shivers down your back. He was straight backed, Lee Jordan by his side, watching with as much surprise as you imagined you held in your own expression.

Jonathan turned to him, eyebrows quirked. “Weasley.”

“What did you just say to her?”

Jonathan rolled his eyes. “I said I liked it better when she didn’t talk. You know, she’s a rude thing.”

Lee Jordan clapped Fred on the shoulder. “A misunderstanding, Freddie, I’m sure.”

“She’s hardly rude,” Alicia denied, putting her drink down with enough force to have it sloshing over the edge. “Learn to take rejection with grace, Cronus.”

“Are you guys making a joke? I asked little mouse how she was, she responded with rudeness. I hardly see how I’m out of order.”

“I highly doubt that,” Fred said. “Maybe you’re just a tosser.”

Jonathan held his hands up, a picture of innocence. He looked between you and Fred, eyes calculating the space between you, how you’d moved closer to him without thinking. His eyes narrowed.

“I see. Weasley knows you well, I’d say, from the strength of his reaction. Very well. He know your dirty little secret?” he asked, grinning, hand drifting to his thigh.

“Some men can see past it, Jon. Don’t jump ship at the first sign of difficulty,” you said, fists balled.

He smirked. “More fool him. God knows the only reason I stuck around. You’re so quiet, but you have some volume in bed, don’t you sweetheart?” he said this quietly, smugly.

It was a blur of movement. Fred struck Jonathan so fast and so hard he was on the ground before you realised he was going to do anything at all. You found yourself clambering backward in surprise, almost pushing down the whole drinks table behind you. Fred wrung his fist, throwing his fingers out, hissing.

“You say something like that about my girl again, I’ll kill you,” Fred said, much too cool.

Jonathan sprung to his feet, incensed, quicker than you thought he’d be able to. His cheek was already red and purple. He sniffed, pulling his wand from his sleeve. You took yours from your own pocket and pointed it at him. Multiple people did the same.

“Oh, do us all a favor and fuck off home,” Lee Jordan said. “Take it like a man, I beg.”

“Yeah, fuck this,” Jonathan said. He pushed a path through the crowd, almost toppling over some poor dyed nearest the door.

“And you can get back to your party,” George called. Tens of pairs of eyes turned away guiltily.

Alicia rubbed a hand up your shoulder blade. “Are you okay? Godric, what an arsehole.”

“Y/N?” Fred moved to your side. The way he said your name had tears forming in your eyes. You willed them away, smiling, your lips wobbling.

Alicia patted your shoulder, “I’ll leave you to it. I’m in the kitchen if you need me.”

“Thank you, Lis,” Fred said.

He seemed hesitant to touch you. You felt a mixture of shame and guilt, holding your hand out towards his. He let you take it, let you assess his bruising knuckles.

“Are you okay?” you asked him.

He sighed. There was anger in his frame, which you were completely used to. “I’m embarrassed. Are you okay?”

You brushed the pad of your thumb over his knuckles. “I feel like I’m gonna fall over.”

“Okay, okay,” he pushed his arm under your shoulder, leading you down the hallway and into the bathroom. He left the door open, shut the lid of the toilet and encouraged you to sit down.

You knew you should talk to him, it was important, but you just couldn't open your mouth. You wrung your hands out.

Fred squatted in the space in front of you.

"Okay?"

You couldn't speak. You met his eyes and couldn't choose one, moving back and forth and back again. He caught your forearm in one hand, pushing your hand to his chest like he desired the closeness.

"Doll, what can I do?"

You shook your head. Your throat was dry. "It's okay," you said.

"Is it?" he asked.

"Did you hurt yourself?" you asked, eyes drifting to his other hand. His bruised hand.

"It could be worse."

You could hear yourself breathing. Slightly too fast, too loud.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," he said.

You took him in. Crouched down in front of you, looking up into your face, concern lining the corners of each feature. His freckles were stark in the bright bathroom lights.

You wanted to say, no, Freddie. You've never scared me once. But you weren't sure that was the right thing.

He brought his ruined hand up to grasp your other forearm, your wrists, grip gentle and firm to press both of your hands to his chest. He spread your fingers over his heart and started counting, so quietly it could've been confused for the buzzing lights.

You exhaled raggedly. "I wasn't scared."

"No?" he asked, covering your hands with his.

Your fingers tightened in the fabric of his shirt. "No."

You counted to yourself until you felt like you could speak properly again. You remembered, suddenly, where you were. What you were doing.

You could see Jonathan hitting the floor again. Could see Fred, steely-eyed, could hear his voice. My girl.

"Sorry," you said.

"Don't be. My fault."

"You always say that."

"It's always true."

"Thank you for defending me. He surprised me."

"I didn't know he'd be here, I swear."

"I didn't think you did," you said. "Want me to fix your hand?"

He shook his head. "If I'm gonna hit someone, I should probably deal with the consequences."

“The consequences…” you brought his bruised hand to your mouth and kissed it.

“This is positive reinforcement,” he said, though he didn’t pull away.

“He only said that for a reaction. I’m not even loud in bed.”

Fred said nothing, looking vaguely amused.

“Or, I wasn’t,” you amended.

He stood up, letting you keep his hand in your grasp. He tilted your head back like you were a posable doll and kissed your forehead. “If you are or you aren’t, that twat shouldn’t get to say stuff like that in front of your friends.”

“They’re more your friends,” you said gently.

“You’re breaking George’s heart and he can’t even hear you.”

You pouted. “We should go back to the party.”

“In a minute,” he said, looking down into your face with an unnameable expression. “Let me look at you.”

You obliged, looking right back.

tag club :3:

a special friend taglist

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as u can see some didn’t work so if you’ve changed your @ and want to be added again pls let me know! similarly if you want to be added or removed let me know! thank you tag club!

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley #smut #fem reader #reader uses she her pronouns #reader insert #implied referenced self harm #please be careful reading #Fred weasley x reader smut #no voldemort au

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missmonsters2 · 3 years

Note

today I feel awful... idk my insecurities are taking over me and I just want to curl into a ball and cry. maybe it's my hormones maybe the fact that I weighted myself and found out I gained weight (I can't fit into my jeans 😭) and the fact that I saw my sister in a tight skin dress looking perfect while I'm in my pj's just destroyed my confidence. I need something angsty to read to make me forget about my sad, miserable lffe right now. would you be down in writing sth angsty with nat maybe? you don't have to though. it's fine either way. I really appreciate all of your work and I keep reading on repeat whenever I'm feeling down. makes me cheer up. thank you, van ❤️

It's like we're the same person because I also went to visit my sister recently and my sister has gotten her life together and is living her best hot girl bod while I...let's not go there.

I just want you to know that you're hot as fuck and a body is just a body that we can change with time and effort. We're lit rally in this together. This time next year, we will be rocking the body that makes up happy and we'll be healthy!!! 💘💘

But I will still give you nat angst...but with a happy ending bc I said you deserve a HEA!!

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The Withers of Springtime Bloom

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spring is a time of blooming and when things come back to life. You can't help but notice things that may be causing your relationship with Natasha to wither.

Warnings: self-esteem issues, insecurities about body, relationship with working out and food, seasonal depression. angst with HEA.

Count: 2.1k~

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You're not sure when things changed.

Things change so slowly after all.

Without you noticing, things change and change and change until one day, you do notice.

You notice that Natasha has become quieter, somber.

You notice the lack of date nights and affectionate touches.

You notice that you've let yourself go a little.

You're standing in front of the mirror, staring at your body with a frown. You've gained weight since dating Natasha, but relationship weight gain was normal, wasn't it?

But you remember how Natasha was just as fit as she was before she met you. Sure, she was a superhero, and you were a regular civilian; there was no reason for you to train long hours as Natasha did.

Still...

You turn to the side and peer at yourself in the mirror again.

You can't help but wonder...were you becoming less attractive to her?

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It had been the beginning of fall when you met Natasha. You loved the season of change and when things turned into warm colors before withering away for winter to come.

Natasha had come like a blessing, and in the winter, she was just warm as the colors of fall. Instead of withering away, she bloomed and invested that warmth in your relationship with her.

Despite always being an early riser to work out, weekends were the days she stayed in bed with you just a little longer. There had been so many breakfasts, lunch, and dinner dates. You found yourself moving things around or neglecting to work around her busy schedule.

Perhaps that was when things began to change. Eating out so often and forgoing working out to spend time with Natasha was what led to this.

Spring has arrived, and things are coming back to life. Yet somehow, your relationship with Natasha was withering away.

"Hey," you greet her as you come home, shopping bags in hand. You bought some more clothes when things felt like they didn't fit comfortably anymore. The experience had been upsetting for you, and you didn't end up buying too much, telling yourself you didn't want to spend too much when you were going to lose the weight.

Natasha was working in her office, peering down over reports, and barely acknowledged you other than with a hum.

"Long day?" You ask her as you put your things away and walk over to her.

"Yeah," Natasha sighed. "Trying to get these reports done since Maria needs them tomorrow."

That had been Natasha's excuse for spending long hours in her office every night for the last two weeks.

You place your hand on Natasha's shoulder with a reassuring squeeze, but she leans to the side as if to readjust herself, but still away from your touch.

The sting immediately comes, but you try to push it down, so it doesn't hurt as bad.

"Right," you say hoarsely, but Natasha stares on at the reports. "I'm just going to get ready for bed. It's been a long day and all. Let me know if you need anything."

Natasha gives you a nod as you leave the room. You feel awkward as you lie in the bed you share with her. You wonder if you're taking up too much space.

There's a pang of something as you try to curl yourself to be smaller and only distantly realizing you've skipped dinner before you fall asleep.

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You fall back onto the mat, chest heaving and your lungs burning.

It's been a while since you've worked out, and now you're definitely paying for it with how unfit you are.

The gym is moderately empty with the hour it is. You hate going to a public gym because it always feels like someone is staring, but it's better for strangers to stare than working out at the Compound for people you know to stare at you.

The rational part of you knows that you should just talk to Natasha, but the emotional side of you whispers that you won't like what Natasha has to say, that she might even end it before you've had a chance to change yourself.

When weeks pass, and you weigh yourself again, you almost start crying because you've only lost a couple of pounds.

It's normal, you know it is. You're losing weight at a normal rate, but it's not enough. You know fast weight loss wouldn't make sense for your body but you also feel you don't have half a year to go back to your normal weight.

You sit on the bathroom floor for hours, debating what to do when you hear a quiet knock.

"Sweetheart, are you in there?" Natasha's muffled voice comes through.

You wipe at your eyes furiously as you stand up.

"Y-Yeah," you answer back. "I'm just in the tub soaking."

There's a moment of silence through the door before Natasha answers back, "Alright. Enjoy yourself. Did you want me to order anything specific for dinner?"

"No, it's okay," you tell her. "You order anything you want. I already ate on my way home." You think about the chicken salad you've been eating for the past two weeks and almost sigh.

Natasha answered that she just came back to see if you've eaten, but she actually had to head back to the Compound. You were Natasha shuffling around before leaving through the front door, and you let out the breath you were holding.

You actually take a long, hot shower before putting on sweats and a big hoodie.

The truth was, you were hungry. The chicken salad was okay on the way home, but it had been a couple of hours since.

You knew starving yourself wasn't the answer, so you went into the kitchen to see if you could find something healthy to hold you over until you could go to bed.

But you can't find anything in the fridge except for Natasha's leftovers from whatever she ordered the day before. You can't find anything except frozen pizzas and microwavable foods.

You check the calories on the back and let out a frustrated sigh. Checking your watch, you realize it's too late in the evening to go grocery shopping because, by the time you get there, stores will have closed.

You slump down on the floor, leaning against the cabinets as you let out a pathetic whimper while your eyes became hot with tears.

You miss Natasha. You want Natasha holding you and telling you it would be okay. But you couldn't have that until you were back to what you were when you met her.

The front door suddenly opens.

"Have you seen my—sweetheart?" Natasha started to call before she noticed you sitting on the floor. "What's wrong?"

You use your sleeve to wipe at your eyes as you sit up straight.

"Nothing," you sniffle before you start to stand. "I just stubbed my toe against the edge of the kitchen island. What were you looking for? USB? You left it next to the bedside."

Natasha stares at your back, hair still wet as she takes in your attire.

"It's a little hot to be wearing a hoodie and sweats, isn't it?" Natasha asks softly. "Doesn't seem like you turned on the aircon in here."

You keep walking, but Natasha starts to follow you.

"'m cold," you say quietly so she can't hear the tremble in your voice.

"Are you feeling sick?" Natasha asks with concern as you sit down on the couch, turning on the TV. You pull the blanket over you as if to make your point.

"No," you tell her because you don't want her to worry. "Just cold after a bath."

Natasha sets her things down before she takes a seat next to you. Even in the low lighting, she can see your eyes rimmed red and dampness of them.

You're refusing to look at her as you have your knees drawn up to your chest and stare stubbornly at the TV screen.

Then she hears it.

Your stomach grumbles.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Natasha asks softly again. "We can just order food and stay in tonight."

Your cheeks grow hot. "Don't you have to be at the Compound?"

You don't mean to snap at her, but you can't help but feel embarrassed.

Natasha remains quiet for a moment, quickly thinking over the last few weeks before she feels guilt trickle in.

She doesn't remember the last time she ate with you—doesn't remember the last time she saw you eat.

"Sweetheart," she calls you gently again, and you bristle at the tone. "Is there something wrong?"

The fragile dam you've built to keep the weeks of compiling emotions at bay breaks, and you're hurtling down the stream over the waterfall.

"Are you not in love with me anymore?" You choke out as you begin to cry.

You can't even register to feel horrified at your breakdown because you just need to know.

"I know...I know my body has changed since we first met and I've gained weight but I really am trying to lose it. I just—I feel like you're avoiding me. At first, I thought things at work have been really stressful for you, and I wanted to give you space but you're gone all the time. You're gone even when you're here."

Natasha can barely understand anything you've said after hearing you say the first part. Her breath hitches painfully in the back of her throat, and she legitimately feels appalled at herself.

She starts to say something, but you keep going.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me because if you're going through something then I want to support and be there for you. But I can't help but feel like you're grossed out by me. I mean—I feel grossed out when I look at myself. I feel like I'm taking up so much space—"

Natasha cuts you off abruptly, pulling off the blanket as she pulls at you until you're in her lap.

"Nat—"

"You're not gross and this is not about the weight you have or have not gained. You hear me?" Natasha says forcefully as she holds you close to her, hand over your thigh to keep you against her.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I've been making you feel like you're not attractive me," Natasha's eyes well up as your tears wet her shoulder. "You're literally still the most gorgeous person I've ever met and you're always going to be that to me."

Natasha's hand at your waist dips underneath your hoodie, her fingers trailing up your back as she sighs at your warmth. "I should've told you, but the springtime is just really hard for me. It's odd because it's a time for things to come back to life but some of the worst things have happened to me during the spring and things blooming makes me think about things that aren't coming back. I think it's also just a little bit of seasonal depression too. I'm just the rare percentage that gets it in the spring."

The explanation makes your body sag with relief because while you feel so horrible that there is a reason Natasha doesn't like spring, she's not falling out of love with you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was hurting you," Natasha apologizes again. "I didn't mean to be so distant but I didn't want to bring your mood down as well, which is why I've been working so much to keep busy."

"It's okay," you muttered as your turn your head, forehead pressed against her neck. "I'm sorry spring is depressing for you."

Natasha merely hushes you as she kisses the side of your head.

You begin to feel awkward, thinking about how you must be heavy on her and try to move, but Natasha doesn't let you.

"Sweetheart, I don't know how to convince you that you're perfect to me," Natasha says so seriously as she forces you to look at her. "If you want to lose weight because that is what you want, then I support you. But I need you to understand that I love you no matter what. I don't care either way because you're so fucking lovely to me always. Do you understand?"

Timidly, you reply, "Okay. Thank you."

Natasha presses her lips against yours in a long kiss before she pulls back.

"Now, I'm going to ask again. Are you hungry? We can order in and watch that new show on Netflix I heard was pretty good from Wanda."

You feel lighter. You think you might still want to work out because that would make you happy, but you don't feel the rush like you did just a couple of hours ago.

"Yeah," you say shyly. "But maybe something not so heavy?"

Natasha nods as she presses another kiss into your cheek as she helps you settle onto the couch right beside her to grab her phone.

"Anything to make you bloom."

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff oneshot #black widow x reader #black widow x you #black widow imagine #avengers imagine #avengers x reader #mm: my fics #g.angst #g.fluff

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sukirichi · 3 years

Text

no guidance

pov: you ask your step-brother to guide you in your first time

part of the everything step cest collab by @dilfhub thank you for everything! 💕

note. lol this rotted in my drafts for weeks but i finally finished it eeeee

cw. virginity loss, sexting, mild corruption themes, fingering, oral sex (f. receiving), possessive! akaashi-ni, slight dumbification, pseudo-incest (step siblings)

You knew better than to associate with the likes of Miya Atsumu. As if him being one of the most notorious fuckboys in campus wasn’t enough of a warning sign, his reputation was also infamous for being the “Virgin Killer.” In simpler terms, he took pride in corrupting the innocence of whoever was foolish enough to fall into his trap, and yet there you were, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you shamelessly sexted with him.

Unsurprisingly, he’s asking for nudes. Again.

It had been approximately three months since you passed notes with the said Miya twin (and of course you liked the worse of the pair) before your friendship escalated into something...more sexual. It was no secret Atsumu had a high sex drive, something you were still foreign with, so you weren’t really taken aback by his open vulgarity over his desire to fuck you.

The first month, you were nice enough to sent him a snap of your titties. Albeit still a little shy over not having sent anyone such an intimate photo before, you were beyond exhilarated.

The next, you sent him a booty pic. It wasn’t anything sexy since you were only in your campus hoodie, the door locked because you didn’t want your parents walking in on you trying to get a good angle of your rounded buttocks.

And just last week, you finally gained enough courage to take a photo of your glistening pussy, sent with a caption of ‘thinking of you...’

Now, you weren’t stupid despite your preference to act naive and innocent. You knew your actions would entice him to lead into something more, if his dick picks that show him already leaking weren’t enough of a telltale already. But as your phone pinged and his name flashed above your screen, the words, ‘meet you at Issei’s party this weekend? I think I’ve waited long enough’ loud and clear – your heart dropped into your chest.

Without another thought, you shut your phone off and rolled to your side.

The thing was, you’ve never really had sex. You couldn’t even be brave enough to lose your virginity to your hairbrush or to buy a dildo despite your friends’ insistence it was much better than an actual cock (quote unquote: both can make you orgasm, but the former didn’t come with toxic attitudes of horny college boys.)

Sure, you’ve watched porn, and you watched a lot – but nothing could compare to the actual experience of it. Your fingers could only get you so far.

Glancing at your phone that kept lighting up with texts from Atsumu, you felt something stir deep within your stomach. Curiosity? Arousal? Nervousness? Excitement? Perhaps all a mix of both. You’ve heard from all the girls Atsumu’s slept with that even though he meant bad news, his cock could be likened of that of a blessing that converted them into ‘I hate him’ to ‘Gosh, I wanna fuck him again.’ Addicting, they called him, and now you were being offered a path to being on a path that most likely had no point of return.

You sighed.

The saner part of you warned you to stay away. There was no rush to lose your virginity now. Just because most of your friends had enough experience, it didn’t mean you had to be the same as them. After all, you came from quite...a strict household.

While everyone had been away from their parents and independently living in their dorms, you still stayed under the same roof as your father and step-mom, along with your older brother who was only a year ahead of you. Akaashi was a very sweet presence to have that you didn’t mind not experiencing that ‘youthful freedom’ too much, simply because your brother was a better company than whoever you could room with. He was kind, always ready to help, and you could confidently say you trusted him more than you did your closest friends.

Maybe that was the reason why you knocked at his room past midnight, shifting your weight from one foot to another. The faint sliver of light peeking from the cracks in his door told you he was probably still working on projects and the like, really not a good time to bother him, but you couldn’t hold on any longer.

At the back of your mind, this was the right thing. He was the right person.

“’Kaashi-nii...?” you knocked again, aware that he had a habit of listening to music on full volume while studying. “Are you there? Oh, were you studying, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to barge.”

Your brother stood in front of you, his headphones hung around his neck. He’d swung the door open to reveal that he was, indeed, previously hunched over his desk to work on something. Upon seeing the guilty expression on your face, Akaashi smiled at you in reassurance. “Hey, no, it’s fine,” he ushered you inside, setting you down at the edge of his bed while he sat across you in his swivelling chair. “Do you need help with homework again?”

“No...”

Turning away from him shyly, you opted to fiddle with your fingers as you stared at your lap. You had come here in a whim. You didn’t really think this through, and even though you’d been in his room a thousand times before, his dark blue sheets and tidy room that smelled sweetly of his detergent and vanilla cologne made you feel dizzy.

It didn’t help that he looked so mouth-watering in this light too.

Messy hair, long, slender fingers that absentmindedly spun a pen in those pretty hands of his, his dark eyes hazy and as welcoming as ever under the dim light of his desk lamp – how could you resist?

“What is it?” Akaashi quickly picked up on your silent worries. He’d always been observant, taking his role as your big brother seriously that he had attuned himself to sense even the slightest differences from you. Even though you’d only become family when you were already in middle school, it felt like you had known him for a much longer time than that, his warm hands rubbing soothing circles in your knees pulling the tension away from you.

“You know you can tell your brother everything, right? I’ll listen to you, you don’t need to feel scared or nervous.”

Guess it was now or never... “There’s this boy in my class...”

Akaashi’s eyes immediately darkened. All the warmth in his face disappeared, now replaced with a hardness you didn’t think was possible for such an understanding, patient guy like him. “Is he hurting you, forcing you to do something you don’t like?” his questions shot out one by one, and your eyes widened when he held you firmly by the shoulders. “Do I need to hurt someone?”

“No, no, it’s not like that!”

Your brother relaxed back in his chair. For a moment, your mind conjured up the dirtiest image of bouncing on his cock (and you know his cock is pretty after accidentally walking in on him changing clothes in high school) as he studied, but you quickly shook the thought away with a clear of your throat.

“What’s wrong then?”

You took a deep breath. “I just...I like him a lot and he asked me to have sex with him someday,” your words came out barely above a whisper, the courage seeping out of you until meeting Akaashi’s eyes felt impossible. “I said yes because of course I like him but...I’m afraid.”

“Hey,” Akaashi tilted your chin to look at him, his blue eyes pooling with worry and brotherly concern. “You know you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“I just don’t want to disappoint him. I-I’ve never done it before and I feel like I won’t make him feel good. That’s why I came here,” you peered at him under your lashes, tongue darting out to nervously lick at your lips that felt uncomfortably dry. “You told me I could ask you for help in anything and you’re my brother so I trust you a lot to guide me on this one.”

The silence in the room was suffocating.

You were so close to running out of his room and pretending you didn’t exist for the rest of your life because what the hell were you asking? He was your brother, he obviously didn’t see you as a woman. You bet in his eyes, you were nothing but a little sister, and there really was no stopping him from kicking you out of his room until – “You want me to be your first time?”

You looked up at him so fast you actually felt your neck ache from the sudden movement. Heat spread all over your body, especially to your core at the unreadable expression in his eyes, yet it wasn’t...bad. He wasn’t rejecting you.

“Yes, please.”

Akaashi nodded at your hushed words. Slapping his palms to his knees, he walked to his bedside table where he pulled out an inconspicuous bottle with some sort of liquid you weren’t familiar with.

“Okay. Nii-san will teach you everything, but first, I need to prep you.” Fuck, fuck, fuck, this was actually happening!

You could barely process the events that happened next as he discarded his shirt to the ground, exposing his toned upper body to you from years of playing volleyball. While you sat there frozen and with a frantic beating heart, your brother barely blinked an eye as he gestured for you to take your clothes off. Wordlessly, you pulled your top off and shimmied out of your underwear. Too shy upon being exposed to a male for the first time in your life, you immediately headed towards his bed and closed your eyes, breath heavy and laboured as you waited for his next movements.

Akaashi’s hand went up to your knee, and you flinched at the contact, relaxing only when his soothing smile greeted you. “Lean back for me. Just relax and loosen up, okay? I’m not going to hurt you, Nii-san will make you feel good.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you did as he told. You were still shy, but you were feeling a lot less nervous. His hypnotizing gestures of caressing your thighs made you sigh in contentment as your head hit the pillow, legs falling open like it was second nature to spread yourself to your brother.

The thought had you biting your lip.

Before you could think too much about it, you felt a cool liquid being spread all over your lips. You gasped and clutched on the sheets out of reflex, staring forward as your brother stared at you cautiously, his lube coated fingers experimentally rubbing circles over your pussy lips. It felt so lewd for him to touch you like that – those same hands that always held yours in your weakest moments – yet it felt so good; the strange sensation tightening your chest.

“I-it’s cold.”

“I’ll warm it up for you,” he reassured, “How far have you gone? Any prior sexual experience?” Akaashi then began to playfully roll your clit between his fingers, eliciting a high-pitched whimper from you. He grinned at your reaction – so vocal for him already – and he was determined to hear more of it. “Ever tried sucking someone off?”

“No, but I’ve watched a lot of porn.”

“Porn is different from actual sex, baby,” the nickname fell so effortlessly from his lips that you didn’t dare question it anymore. Not that you could anyway, because the tip of his finger was prodding against your hole that was embarrassingly clenching around nothing. “How about here? Have you tried masturbating?”

“Don’t ask me such embarrassing questions!”

“You’re spread open for me already, you don’t need to be embarrassed,” You covered your face with your hands to hide, but Akaashi pried them away, his grip on your wrist both demanding yet gentle. “Tell me so I know how many fingers I can put inside you. I need to stretch you out.”

“Just one.”

“Louder, baby.”

“Just one finger,” you blurted out, finding it harder and harder to breathe the more he glided his fingers between your slit. Fingering yourself couldn’t even compare to the beauty of having him do the same to you, your arousal only heightened by his dedicated stare at your shaven pussy. From below your bodies, his pants had begun to home a tent.

“Two hurts a little bit and ‘em too sore.”

“What a tight cunt,” he commented with a smirk. “I’ll have to take my time with you then,” You nodded gratefully, about to smile at him with hearts in your eyes when Akaashi slowly slid a finger in. Your moan came out breathless and muted as you stared at him, mouth open in a silent gasp. The intrusion wasn’t anything new but he expertly pumped his finger in and out of it that your walls fluttered around him, head thrown back for another broken moan as he slid another digit. The stretch felt fucking perfect – the slight sting more than welcome in your virgin cunt that was now being fucked by your brother.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’ll feel better soon. Just relax.”

Openly, your slight squeaks of pleasure had increased in volume. Akaashi fingered you until he was knuckle deep, his other palm flat on your abdomen. Had you been in a better state of mind that wasn’t previously clouded with pleasure, you would’ve been embarrassed at the loud sloppy sounds of your pussy, but you remained there with trembling thighs, your nails digging at his thigh as you stared at him wide-eyed.

“Feels good?”

“M-more,” you begged through gritted teeth, “Nii-san, more.”

“Not yet, baby, you’re still too tight,” Sooner than you’d like, Akaashi pulled his fingers out of you. Both of you gazed at the webs of arousal between his fingers; your face painted in shock while he smirked at it, chest swelling with pride. Then, his eyes slid over yours, hooking his hands under your knees before he settled between your thighs.

“Come here. I’m going to go down on you.”

“Nii-san, no!” your protests fell on deaf ears, almost as if he knew you didn’t really mean it. His ears knocked with your knees locked around him, and you shivered as you felt his hot breath right before your burning cunt. “It’s embarrassing...don’t want you looking at my kitty like that.”

“Your kitty is very pretty and Nii-san wants a taste of you,” he mumbles while pressing kisses all over your pelvic bone, his sticky fingers massaging your inner thighs into relaxation. Your head pressed back harder on the pillows at the sensation, the pleasure too immense and he was just starting. “Didn’t you say you want me to teach you everything? This is just a few lessons you have to learn so don’t be shy. I’m sure you taste heavenly,” Clenching your jaw from the overwhelming bursts of ecstasy, you failed to notice how he dipped his head further, tongue darting out to lick a flat stripe. Your eyes blew wide open as he torturously and slowly dipped his tongue from your hole, the wet and warm muscle licking all the way up from your slit until the clit. “See? I told you. Heavenly.”

“’Kaashi, ‘Kaashi, oh, oh!”

“You sound so pretty but don’t be too loud,” Somehow, he managed to raise his arms and placed a palm over your mouth. “We don’t want Mom and Dad to overhear.”

Your legs trembled around him until you nearly suffocated him, but how could you stop when he was rolling his tongue side to side, licking and cleaning up the previous wetness he’d pulled from you?

It was too much, too good, and soon you were moaning behind his palm as you came all over his face.

Akaashi greedily slurped up the juices that squirted all over his face, unbothered by the mess you’ve made. He didn’t stop until he was sure you were completely clean, and you were already on the brink of overstimulation when he locked his lips around yours, sucking whatever he could take. Unable to take it any longer, you pushed his head away and fell on your side in a desperate attempt to catch your breath, sending him a seductive glare, only to soften as you his lips, cheeks, and nose shining under the moonlight.

“Nii-san, your face—”

“It’s okay, I’ll clean up for later,” he shrugged it off and stepped out of his sweatpants, ripping a condom you didn’t even notice he had. You watched with baited breath as his cock sprung free, the tip red and glistening with pre-cum. Akaashi rolled the condom over his throbbing cock and situated himself before you, pumping his length a few times before aligning it with your hole, sending you one last look of approval.

“You ready for my cock now? This might hurt a little bit. You just need to relax and I’ll go slow, okay? Tell me if anything feels uncomfortable.”

Nodding, you made yourself comfortable and braced the sheets for preparation, wincing a little as he pushed the tip in. Akaashi felt you clamp down on him, his hips stilling just as he loomed over you, his arms resting beside your head. In this position, you could see each detail of him – the thickness of his lashes, the love blooming in his eyes, the sweat beading in his forehead and everything soft and slow written all over his face.

“Still okay? I can stop if you want.”

You shook your head and wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him closer. He raised a brow at your initiation, but you merely smiled at him to hide the mild discomfort. “I can take it, just keep going.”

A few minutes later and a hundred still good? later, Akaashi had slid himself in. He allowed you to get used inch by delicious inch until he was completely seated inside you, hip pressed to hip and his hand caressing your cheek. “You’ve done so well,” he praised, “How does having a cock stuffed in you feel?”

“S-so full,” you replied numbly, the feeling of him throbbing inside your heat so fucking delicious. “Love nii-san’s cock.”

“Yeah? I’ll give you more then,” he warned, and you knew you couldn’t go back anymore when he placed his palm flat beside your head. Akaashi began to move his hips, slowly at first to let you accommodate to his length which your pussy hugged greedily. You were moaning left and right and his groans above you was erotic enough to make you cum on the spot, the pleasure doubling as your pebbled nipples grazed his toned chest.

“Nii-san! So big!”

“I know, baby, you’ll get used to it, don’t worry. It’ll feel better soon,” he rasped, scowling when you raked your nails down his back, though not hard enough to draw blood. It would definitely leave a mark though, and the pain of it urged him to move his hips faster, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing through his room that began to warm by each passing second. “Feel better?”

“Feels so good,” you cried around him, reaching up to bury your head in his neck and clinging to him like a koala. It did feel so good, so much so that you just might get addicted to this. “Love Nii-san’s cock.”

At your words, Akaashi’s patience that thinned a while ago completely broke.

His pace increased and he gripped your hips tightly, sitting back on his knees just to watch his cock slide in and out of you. The lube made sex feel a hundred times better from how easily he’s easily punching through your walls, the sight of you splayed out for him – hair strewn across the pillow, little whimpers leaving your lips, breasts bouncing right before his eyes and abused pussy lips hugging his shaft – it made him growl with possessiveness.

“This is how you should be fucked – you gotta be fucked right,” he announced, thumb coming down to rub your clit. As expected, you cried out and tightened around him.

He faltered for a moment at how tight you were, but he kept pushing, driving his cock in and out of you until he turned into you a sobbing, slobbery mess.

“You sure that boy of yours can make you feel this good?”

“N-no, Nii-san’s cock only!”

“That’s right, it’s just gotta be me, okay?” driving both his hands around your neck just to clench your airway as a warning, Akaashi fucked you harder than before. The sudden inability to not breathe made you impossibly tighter around him that you felt each ridge and vein kissing your bumpy walls. “Say it. Say you’re mine.”

“I’m yours, I’m Nii-san’s property!”

“I’m gonna mark you as mine, claim this pussy as Nii-san’s only, yeah? You want that?”

“Cum in me, ‘Kaashi, cum inside!” you prompted, and what good of a brother would he be if he didn’t grant his little sister’s wishes? Growling, Akaashi snapped his hips hard until the tip of his cock successfully kept repeating that sweet spot in you that you didn’t even know you had. You were crying, moaning, too fucked to respond as you came, and your lewd expression was all it took before he was releasing his cum inside the condom. “Kaashi, Kaashi, ah!”

Akaashi quickly pulled out his cock and took a minute to regain his breath, his head cradled on his hands at the earth-shattering orgasm you both had. Not a moment later, he’s tying his condom and throwing it to his bin, finding his way right beside you as you blinked sleepily at him.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, you were great. Just tired.”

“Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?”

You smiled at his concern, pulling him in closer for an embrace. He was warm and sweaty that it felt uncomfortable, but you wanted him beside you, and Akaashi began to caress your hipbones with so much tenderness. He knew he was a little rough for losing control like that.

“I’d love that, thank you,” you mumbled, more than ready to call it a night and sleep when his weight shifted off the bed. Akaashi rummaged through something in his drawers before he disappeared in the bathroom for a bit, coming back to spread your legs open once more. “Wh-what’re you doing?”

“It’s called aftercare. If your partner can’t provide this and pamper you, I suggest you break up with them,” he snickered, and you hissed at the sensitivity as he wiped away your cum with the towel. You soon relaxed, however, all thanks to Akaashi’s doting nature that you were falling asleep on his bed, allowing him to clean you up as he pleases. He set the towel aside and snuggled right next to you, his nose bumping your jaw to pull you away from dreamland for a little while. His previous sexual aura had now dimmed; his brotherly concern present again. “You still want to fuck your classmate?”

“Hmm...he’s really handsome, and I heard from the other girls he’s got a huge cock too,” you giggled, not really aware of your words as you said, “Probably even bigger than yours.”

Thinking that he might be offended, you almost apologized after a moment, but Akaashi only laughed as he hugged you tighter. “Size doesn’t matter. It’s who owns the cock and their talent in pleasuring their partner that matters,” he confidently stated, fingers running up and down your spine that brought chills down to your toes as he nibbled on your ear. “And I know I fucked you so good he can’t compare.”

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arvinsescape · 3 years

Text

Everything to me.

A/N: My longest writing yet and i am actually really proud of this! I really hope the length doesn’t put anyone off and I will appreciate any feedback and constructive criticism. I really hope you all enjoy, this took me a few days to complete but I’m happy with the finished product.

Summary: Y/N has insecurities as a young mother and they seem to get worse all of a sudden, Tom reminds her how much she means to him.

Warnings: Mentions of smoking, swearing, smut (fingering, Oral (F rec), soft sex) Minors do not engage. May have missed a few typos...

W/C: 11K... Said it was gonna be a long one!

You’d met Tom when you were both nineteen and in university, he was studying for a Business degree and you’d been studying English. You’d met in a bar on a night out and the rest appeared to be history, you were head over heels for each other and although neither one of you were the other’s first you believed you’d be each other’s last. You both graduated with first class honours degrees and that’s when everything changed for the two of you.

You both graduated in September and Tom had taken over his father’s business by October, although he was only twenty one at the time it was what he’d spent his educational years working towards. You on the other hand fell pregnant, Tom had been supportive throughout, stuck by you and although it was a shock to both of you, you couldn’t be happier and neither of you would change Liam for the world.

“Tom, I need to tell you something.” You said nervously biting your lip as he got into bed.

“What’s wrong darling?” He asked, brows furrowed with concern as he removed your bottom lip from between your teeth with his thumb. He knew it was a bad habit of yours. “Don’t do that baby, you’ll make your lip bleed.” He whispered as he kissed you softly.

“Something’s happened.” You said and he kissed your cheek as he moved you to rest your head on his chest, running a hand through your hair.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me you know. Whatever it is we’ll work it out.” He said as he continued to run a hand through your hair. You felt sick with nerves, what if he left you? His career was only just starting and a baby would hold that back, hold him back. You swallowed back tears at the thought of being left alone to bring up a child.

“I’m pregnant.” You whispered so quietly that even in the silent room Tom didn’t hear you.

“What?” Tom asked as he brought you to face him. “Sorry baby, I didn’t catch that.” He said again.

“I’m,” you said as you gulped and he placed a reassuring hand on your cheek, face full of concern for you. “I’m pregnant.” You said again as tears made their way down your face, Tom was quick to wipe them away.

“Seriously?” He asked, a grin finding its way to his face. “You are?” He asked again and you nodded. He pulled you into a bone crushing hug as he placed kisses all over the side of your face. You giggled slightly before pulling back, hands placed firmly on his chest.

“You’re not mad?” You asked and he smiled.

“Mad? No. Shocked, absolutely but I’m happy.” He said as he ran his thumb over your cheek and you smiled at him.

“But what about your career?” You asked and he laughed slightly.

“Baby, I’m taking over my father’s business, I’m sure he’s still gonna be around to help out, especially if he knows he’s getting a grandchild.” He said as he kissed your forehead and you relaxed all together.

“I love you so much Tom.” You said as you fell back into his chest and he wrapped his arms around you.

“I love you so much, I’m so happy that we’re gonna have a baby.” He said and you smiled.

“You’re not gonna leave me?” You voiced your insecurity, he might be happy now but what about in a few months when you’d gained weight and become moody?

“Baby, I would never leave you, you’re everything to me.”

He didn’t leave you, he stuck by you through all of it. All of the cravings and mood swings, insecurities, everything. You got married just before you started to show, Tom was going to ask before he found out you were pregnant and you couldn’t have been happier together, moving things along quickly. His dad stayed on to help out, overjoyed by the news he was going to be a grandad, he facilitated Tom being able to be there for you and also helped him keep the business on track. The birth was long and painful and Tom was there for every single hour of your labour, he wouldn’t leave you for a second, when Liam was born you both cried, it was truly beautiful. It was all working out really well, apart from the fact that you didn’t have a job and that played into some of your insecurities.

“Do you ever think I take advantage of you?” You suddenly said half way through your TV show. Liam had gone down much easier that evening, you knew it was because Tom had been home to help put him to bed. Liam loved Tom, sometimes Tom was the only one who could calm him when he was screaming at the top of his lungs.

“What?” Tom asked, brows furrowed as he paused the show, attention fully on you now.

“I just worry because I don’t have a job and you do.” You said as you nibbled your lip, his thumb instantly removing it from between your teeth, this was a habit for the two of you.

“Sweetheart, you’ve just had a baby. I admire what you’re doing here. I go to work and I leave you here to look after our son on your own. I don’t expect you to have a job right now, money isn’t an issue. I don’t want you to get a job and make yourself more tired, there’s no need for that. We’re lucky to be in the position that we are.” He said and you sniffled, wiping your nose with your hoody sleeve.

“Baby, if you want to get a job, I support that but please don’t get a job because you think I think any less of you for not having one. You’re doing an amazing job here, doing what you’re doing. You’re an amazing mum and I’m so proud of you. I love you okay? Nothing is going to change that. You’re my everything.” He said and your heart melted. Tom had never shied away from his feelings when it came to you, he was always honest.

“I just want whatever makes you happy, okay beautiful?” He said again and you smiled as you nodded. “No one thinks you’re taking advantage of me, everyone knows how hard you work at home, how much you’ve taken on the responsibility of being a mother.” He continued and you hugged him, holding him tight, he was a man you never wanted to let go of.

Once Liam was old enough to be left with yours or Tom’s parents you tried to get a job but didn’t have much luck and years later you were still stuck in the same position. Tom was supportive, reminded you through each rejection that it was okay, that you’d find something eventually but no one wanted to hire a young woman with a young child. Your hours needed to be too specific for their liking and nobody gave you a chance.

You loved Liam and you wouldn’t change him for the world but the pregnancy had left you with insecurities, you tried so hard to lose the baby weight and although you lost some, you never lost it all. It changed certain elements of yours and Tom’s relationship, you became embarrassed of your stretch marks and weight. It didn’t matter how many times Tom told you he couldn’t care less about it, that he loved you for you, it never made the insecurities go away.

You and Tom had just returned home after a much needed date night, you’d both gotten a little tipsy and found yourself almost falling through the front door as you giggled. Liam was at your parents for the night, leaving you and Tom to have a night for yourselves.

“Shit.” Tom said as he caught you, arm around your waist as you stumbled taking your heel off, causing a fit of giggles to erupt from both of you. He turned you in his embrace as he kissed you, lips pressed firmly to yours as he pulled you closer by your waist, you instantly melted into the kiss, hands finding his hair.

“I fucking love you.” Tom mumbled against your lips as you fell backwards onto the couch, Tom making sure not to press all of his weight against you as he laid on top of you.

“I love you too Tom.” You said as he reconnected your lips, the kiss growing heated within seconds, his hips grinding against your own as you let out a pleasurable sigh. “Can we move to the bedroom?” You asked, nerves suddenly getting the better of you. Since having Liam, you and Tom hadn’t had sex anywhere other than the bedroom and with the light off. Tom tried to reassure you that this wasn’t a necessity, that he still found you beautiful but you still insisted almost three years later.

Tom nodded slightly as he picked you up carrying you to the bedroom. You stuffed your face into his neck to hide the embarrassment on your cheeks, you wished it was different, that you had the confidence to have sex with him with the light on but every time you tried you became more embarrassed.

The sex became different over the three and a half years. It was all missionary and the adventurous streak you’d once had had seemingly vanished, you worried he’d become bored, that the sex you were having wasn’t satisfying enough but you couldn’t bring yourself to make a change. It led to a few arguments over the years, mostly instigated by you and your insecurities getting the better of you. The one you’d had last month changed things between you. You’re insecurities had been eating away at you more than usual recently, leaving you much moodier than usual.

“Y/N…” Tom sighed as you reached for the lamp to switch it off. “You’re beautiful, you know that right. I love you more than anything.” He said again.

“I know.” You said dismissively and he sighed again and it made you angry. “Tom, I don’t want to have sex with the light on is that such a big deal?” You snapped.

“Y/N, when are you going to let me show you how much I love you? I know your body changed when you had Liam but I don’t care, I love you, I still think you’re beautiful.”

“You’ve said already.” You snapped again and he sighed as he moved off you, standing from the bed as he put his shirt back on. “Where are you going?” You asked angrily.

“I need a breather.” He said as he fished around in his jacket pocket. “I can’t keep doing this Y/N/N. I can’t.” He said as he pulled his packet of cigarettes from his pocket, fishing around in the other for his lighter.

“Can’t keep doing what?” You snapped, you were letting your insecurities get the better of you.

“I can’t remember the last time I saw you naked. You lock the bathroom door when you bath or shower now. You won’t let me watch you change and you won’t have sex with me unless the light is off.” He pointed out.

“And?” You fired back angrily, he shook his head in response, pulling his lighter from his other pocket.

“We are married.” He pointed out again.

“So?”

“I can’t keep having this conversation. We’ve done it for years. I’ve told you why it’s important. I love you I really do but things aren’t the same anymore and you know it.” He said and your anger flared.

“So what the way we have sex is the be all and end all of our marriage?” You snapped, you knew after the countless conversations you’d had that this wasn’t the case but you were letting your insecurities take over. Putting words into his mouth, you knew he was right, he wasn’t just talking about the sex.

“I can’t keep fucking doing this.” He said as he made his way out of the bedroom and down the stairs, an angry you in tow. Voices low as not to wake your three year old.

“Then why are you still with me?” You said angrily and he huffed as he made his way into the back garden.

“Because I love you, I really fucking do but our relationship isn’t the same anymore.” He said as he lit his cigarette, inhaling sharply.

“Sure it’s not just because we have a kid?” You fired back and there it was. Your biggest insecurity. He looked at you, shocked expression evident on his face.

“No that’s not why. Why are you so angry at the minute?” He said as he inhaled another drag of his cigarette.

“Fuck off Tom.” You snapped as you went back inside and up to bed. You weren’t sure why you were so angry with him all of a sudden, your emotions getting the better of you.

Things changed after that, you’d not had sex in that time and you’d kicked him into the spare bedroom. Your conversations became limited and he tried to make things normal again but you closed yourself off, your emotions became harder to control and your insecurities were getting the better of you.

“Daddy!” Liam shouted, alerting you that your husband was home. You heard as his bag hit the floor and the playful giggles that followed as Tom greeted his son. You sighed, you missed him but you were still angry with him.

“Hi darling.” He said as he made his way into the kitchen where you were.

“Hi.” You mumbled back in response. There was an awkward tension between the two of you now, the years of a changed relationship had seemingly caught up with you both.

“How was your day?” He asked and you shrugged as he sighed. “I heard you throwing up this morning, are you okay?” He asked, face full of concern.

“Yeah, picked up whatever Liam brought home from nursery last week.” You said and he nodded. You’d never had awkwardness like this, it was horrible and you wished it wasn’t there, you knew you should apologise but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. “How was your day?” You decided to ask in return.

“It was busy, happy to be home.” He smiled sadly and you felt guilty, you loved him you really did but you couldn’t help the negative thoughts that were living in your head right now.

You missed the kiss you’d usually get and the hug after not seeing him all day, you missed being wrapped up in his strong arms as you both fell asleep.

“Mummy?” Liam’s voice dragged you from your thoughts.

“Yes sweetheart?” You smiled, he looked more and more like Tom every day, the only feature of yours he held were your eyes.

“What time is daddy home?” He asked, you looked at the clock, it was almost six, normally he’d be home around five fifteen. You bit your lip as your nerves grew, the metallic taste of your blood making its way to your tastebuds. You’d been doing it a lot recently, Tom always said this would happen; that you’d make your lip bleed from biting it so much and he was right.

“Soon love.” You answered, he’d been home late every night this week. Just as Liam was about to speak again Tom made his way through the door.

“Daddy!” Liam shouted as he ran at his dad, Tom instantly scooping him up with one arm.

“How are you doing little man?” Tom said as he kissed Liam’s cheek, free hand ruffling his curls. You watched from the couch, adoration clear on your face, he was an amazing father. He’d do anything for Liam. You missed him, missed being in his arms.

“I drew a picture today.” Liam said as Tom put him down and he made his way to his nursery bag, presumably fishing out the picture he’d drawn.

“Hi.” Tom said awkwardly and you smiled as he furrowed his brows, eyes trailing to your split lip. “You’ve been biting your lip.” He pointed out and you shrugged as he sighed. “Baby-“

“Daddy look.” Liam shouted, interrupting him, you made your way into the kitchen, Tom’s gaze following you, if you’d have turned around you’d have seen the longing look he was directing your way. He missed you, more than he could bare.

Tom looked at the picture his son had drawn, the whole family together and smiling. Tom longed for that, he wished you would see yourself the way he did, love yourself the way he did. Liam’s picture showed a happy family, everyone smiling and Tom found himself wishing it was a true reflection of what was happening between him and his wife at the moment but it wasn’t.

“I have a contract I’m finishing up, that’s why I was late.” Tom said as you boiled the kettle, making your bedtime tea, Liam had gone to bed a short while ago.

“Okay.” You answered and he huffed.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” He said and you turned to look at him. “I hate whatever this is that’s going on between us, I’m so sorry.” He said and you nodded as you sighed.

“I’m sorry too, my insecurities are getting the better of me and my emotions feel out of control at the minute.” You said and he nodded, standing, and making his way over to you.

“It’s okay. I miss you.” He said and you felt tears brim your eyes, you missed him too. “How about I look after Liam tomorrow night and you go and have some fun?” He said, he knew you’d not seen your friends in a while but this made you cry more.

“Thank you but I don’t think they’d want to.” You said and he furrowed his brows as he took you into his arms, you’d missed his scent.

“What do you mean?” He mumbled into your hair as he hugged you closer and tears slowly made their way down your face.

“Ever since Liam they’ve slowly drifted off, they don’t think I’m having the fun I should as a 25 year old.” You said and it was true, over the years more and more of your friends have lost contact with you due to the fact that you couldn’t go out with them like you used to.

“I’m sorry, how about I ask my mum and see if she’ll have him and I’ll take you out?” Tom was always conscious that you got days or evenings to yourself so you could have fun. You smiled slightly as you nodded. “I think we both need it darling.” He said and you knew he meant the two of you needed to spend some time together, especially after this last month.

“That sounds like a really good idea.” You said into his chest as he shot his mum a text. “I love you.” You said as you slightly wiped your tears on his shirt, he ran a hand through your hair and it comforted you, it always had done, he rested his chin on your head.

“I love you too. I need to go into the office tomorrow to finish up this contract, you can meet me there?” He asked as he got his reply from his mum, glad to accept the offer of having her grandson for the night.

You’d spent the entirety of the next day getting excited, it’d been a while since you’d been out and you looked at the clock as you got Liam’s things ready for the night.

“Now what do you do at grandmas?” You said as you helped Liam put his coat on.

“I do as I’m told even if she has different rules to mummy and daddy.” He said confidently. You and Tom had tried to instil the importance of respecting other people and their homes and items from a young age.

“That’s right.” You said and Liam smiled proudly at remembering the mantra you and Tom had set.

“Mummy, will I get to see daddy today?” He asked and you frowned slightly as you ran a hand through his curls, trying to tame them.

“No darling, daddy’s had to work and then we’re going out but you’ll see him tomorrow.” You said and he pouted.

“Can we go and see him before I go?” He asked and he had those same puppy dog eyes his father had managed to master. You laughed as you nodded, sending Nikki a text to explain you’d be a little later than planned.

Once you pulled up to Tom’s office building you heard Liam gasp, he always did when he saw the large building his dad worked in. You laughed again as you got him out of the car, saying hi to one of the security guards who let you straight in.

“Remember you have to behave here my love, this is daddy’s work.” You said as you watched Liam get more and more excited in the lift, you knew it was falling on deaf ears. He always got excited when he came to Tom’s office, he loved the chair Tom had because he could spin around in it. The lift doors opened and Liam almost bolted out of the lift and straight into the arms of Linda.

Linda was an elderly receptionist that had worked for the company for years, she was lovely and she absolutely adored Liam.

“Linda!” Liam giggled as she bent down to hug him, you smiled at the interaction.

“Hello Liam.” She said as she looked at you with a comforting smile. “Hello Y/N. Feels like a lifetime since I’ve seen you here.” She smiled, it had been a while, probably six months. “You look beautiful.” She said and you blushed slightly.

You were wearing sweats and one of Tom’s old t shirts, no makeup and your hair had been messily shoved up. You doubted you looked your best.

“Where’s daddy?” Liam asked as he looked around the room for his dad.

“He’s in his office my love.” Linda said and you both watched as Liam bolted towards the closed door, laughing as he did.

“Excuse me, you can’t go in there.” You heard a harsh voice as you followed Liam further into the office space, Linda huffed lightly at the voice. “Where’s your parents.” You heard again and you made your way towards the interaction. As soon as you saw her you heart dropped and you suddenly became more aware of how you looked.

A beautiful woman was sat at the secretaries desk, hair done perfectly, slim figure and beautifully done makeup. Tom hadn’t mentioned he’d hired someone new, you suddenly felt more insecure than you had in a while.

“I’m sorry, he’s mine.” You said as Liam gripped your leg, hugging you tightly, he thought he was in trouble. The woman scoffed.

“Did you have some sort of appointment, Mr Holland is extremely busy.” She almost snapped.

“Well no but Liam wanted to see him. I’m his wife.” You said and she looked you up and down, you felt insecure under her stare.

“Mr Holland is busy as I’ve said.” She snapped again and before you could open your mouth Linda spoke up.

“Gina, he won’t mind, he never does. Let them in.” She said and you felt grateful for her.

“I’ll call him and make sure it’s okay.” She said and she continued to eye you as she picked the phone up. “Mr Holland, there’s a woman here with a young boy, claiming to be your wife.” She said and your eyebrows shot up at her rudeness. Before you could say anything his office door opened.

“Hello darling.” He said as he picked Liam up. “Little man.” He said as Liam laughed loudly, you watched as Gina stared at your husband, clearly infatuated with him, then again who wouldn’t be? Liam wriggled to get out of his embrace, disappearing into his office and you knew you’d find him in Tom’s office chair if you followed.

Tom pulled you into him as he kissed you and smiled into it. You swear you almost heard Gina scoff but shook it off, he was your husband. “Not that I mind but what are you doing here?” He asked quietly.

“Liam wanted to see you, although now I’m not so sure if it’s just the chair he wanted.” You laughed and Tom playfully rolled his eyes.

“You look beautiful my love.” He said and you blushed again as you bit your lip. “Stop doing that.” He laughed as he tugged your lip from your teeth for what felt like the millionth time in your relationship.

“Hardly.” You scoffed and Tom shook his head.

“I love this chilled out mum look you have going on.” He said and he meant it, he thought you were beautiful regardless, but this had to be his favourite look.

“You look better than I did when I had kids.” Linda joined in as you turned to look at her, Tom’s arms instantly wrapping around your waist from behind as his head rested on your shoulder. You watched as Gina rolled her eyes at the interaction, attention back on the screen in front of her, she made you feel self-conscious, she was gorgeous.

“I’m sure that’s not true.” You laughed shyly and she smiled.

“You do my love. Tom is a very lucky man to have a woman like you.” Linda teased and Tom laughed.

“You’re not wrong there.” He said as he kissed your cheek before disappearing off to find Liam in his office.

“I need to go and get a coffee, do you want one?” Linda asked and you politely declined, you wanted to beg her to stay, not wanting to be left alone with Gina for too long. But here you were, awkwardly stood as she pierced you with her gaze.

“So how long have you been married to Mr Holland?” She asked, hands placed under her chin, she looked unbothered by you.

“Almost four years, it’s our anniversary next month.” You answered.

“How old is he?” She asked referring to Liam.

“Three and a half.” You said and she almost scoffed.

“Ah, so he married you because you were pregnant?” She asked, judgement laced throughout her tone.

“No. He was going to ask anyway.” You said confidently.

“That what he told you?” She asked, placing an insecurity you’d not had before into your brain, it was going to be lodged there for a while.

“It’s true.” You said, almost weakly and she shrugged, eyes going back to the computer.

“I’m sure, I’m sure.” She said unbothered and it made your blood boil as you almost stormed into Tom’s office, heart melting at the sight in front of you. Tom was spinning Liam in his chair as Liam laughed and you smiled, all anger dissipating.

“Come on you, we need to get you to grandmas.” You said to Liam and he pouted slightly. “I’ve heard she’s making your favourite for dinner.” You said and Liam jumped off the chair, making his way over to you as you and Tom laughed.

“Love you buddy, see you tomorrow.” Tom said and Liam ran back to him for one final hug. “Be good for grandma okay?” He said and Liam nodded.

“I love you daddy, bye.” Liam shouted as he ran towards the lift.

“Good bye Mrs Holland.” Gina spoke almost mockingly and you wanted to cry as you mumbled a good bye, Tom pulling you in for a last kiss.

“I’ll see you in about an hour?” He said and you smiled weakly as you nodded. “You okay?” He asked as he ran a thumb over your cheek.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s nothing.” You reassured and Tom hesitantly nodded as you made your way towards the lift.

“I love you.” He called after you and you smiled as you said it back, Liam waving like a madman as the lift doors shut.

“Mummy?”

“Yes love?”

“I don’t like that lady, she was mean.” He said and you laughed at his childish words.

“Me neither baby.” You agreed.

The drive to Nikki and Dom’s was short as you thought over everything in your head, had Tom only actually asked you to marry him because you were pregnant? You couldn’t get the thought out of your head.

You arrived at their house, after pleasantries had been exchanged you found yourself having a brew with Nikki before you headed home to get changed.

“Nikki, can I ask you something? I want you to be honest.” You said and Nikki looked at you confused for a second before speaking.

“Of course you can my love.”

“Was Tom gonna propose before he found out I was pregnant?” You asked and Nikki’s hand shot towards yours as she ran a comforting thumb over it.

“Y/N, Tom had that ring for months. Ask your father, he asked permission months before you knew you were pregnant, he was going to propose as soon as the company became his. Love, I don’t know what’s going through your mind but my son loves you, every single part of you.” She said and you nodded as you felt your heart lift.

“I’ve never seen him so smitten. He loves you, he really does. He’d do anything for you and you know that. The day he told me you were pregnant, he cried because he didn’t think he could love you more than he already did and you proved him wrong. He loves the bones of you.” She continued and you smiled.

“I just get so insecure sometimes and I feel like I shut him out, it’s been worse recently.” You admitted and Nikki sighed.

“I did the same when I’d had Tom. I felt like everything changed. You need to let him in, he loves you, he’s not going anywhere.”

“But how do I do that when I haven’t for the last three and a half years?” You asked as a tear slipped down your cheek.

“Love.” She sighed. “You need to trust him when he tells you he loves you, you need to accept yourself for who you are and the changes you’ve been through, trust me, that boy is still as in love with you now as he was when he first brought you to meet me. The look of love and adoration on that boys face has never changed in the years you’ve been together. You’re lucky, you both are. You’ve created a beautiful human being out of the love you both share and he’s only fallen more in love with you watching you become the woman you are.” She explained and you nodded, taking in her words.

“There’s a woman at his office. She’s beautiful and I think she likes him.” You said and Nikki almost laughed.

“Sorry love. I don’t mean to laugh but my son is not interested at all. I don’t think the most aesthetically pleasing woman could turn his head, he adores you.”

You felt better after your conversation with Nikki as you headed back to Tom’s office after having gotten changed into something more outgoing. Gina had gone by the time you’d returned and Tom was just finishing up the contract before you found yourselves at one of your favourite restaurants.

“It’s good to finally be out.” Tom said and you nodded in agreement, it had been a while since your last date night. He grabbed your hand across the table and laced your fingers together, you felt yourself smile at the interaction, you really did love this man and Nikki was right, he never did anything that made you doubt his love for you.

“What can I get for you both?” The waiter interrupted and Tom gave him his order before the waiter looked at you.

“I think I’m going to go for the pesto pasta.” You said and Tom’s eyebrows shot up as the waiter nodded and disappeared.

“I didn’t think you liked pesto all that much.” He said and you shrugged.

“Fancied a change.” You answered and Tom nodded.

“Do you want to get a bottle of wine?” He asked and you shook your head.

“No I don’t really feel like drinking.” You said honestly. You hadn’t felt great for the past month or so, putting it down to the change in weather as autumn approached.

“Are you still ill?” He asked and you shrugged.

“Just a cold or something.” You said and his face looked concerned for you, he hated when you were ill.

“You sure? You’ve still been throwing up.” He pointed out, of course he’d heard your morning wake up calls, he was always up early for the gym.

“Yeah, it’s just a stomach bug I swear.” You said.

“It’s pretty persistent, maybe we should book you a doctors appointment?” He suggested and your heart felt full at his concern over you.

“I will, if it carries on I will.” You said and he smiled.

“Good.” He said as you sipped your water. “I’ve missed you.” He suddenly said, eyes full of longing.

“I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry, I’ve just felt really shitty lately.” You said and he nodded.

Your night went well, neither of you realised how tired you were until you ate and suddenly you both felt sleepy and as soon as you both got into bed you were asleep. You slept better in his embrace that night, missing his warmth and the safety you felt from having him back in bed.

You woke up as you usually did with the urge to vomit, unwrapping yourself from Tom’s arms as he groggily woke up, confusion lacing his features as he watched you bolt to the bathroom. He heard as you emptied the contents of your stomach into the bowl and sighed as he got up, feet padding into the bathroom. You were sat with your back against the wall, sweat covering your features, you looked tired. He sighed again as he sat next to you and brought your head into his chest, he felt your forehead and frowned.

“You’re quite warm baby.” He said and you nodded slightly.

“I’ll be okay.” You said and he huffed.

“You need to book a doctor’s appointment.” He said firmly and you knew there was no point in arguing. When it came to you and your health he took it very seriously.

“Okay.” You agreed as he kissed your head.

“Okay let’s get some sleep before we have to pick Liam up.” He said as he stood you both up, you quickly brushed your teeth as you made your way back into bed, you laid your head on his arm as he spooned you, arm draping around your waist as he lifted your (his) shirt to rub the skin of your stomach.

It suddenly made you feel insecure. What if he could feel your stretch marks? You tensed slightly in his embrace.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as you tried to move the shirt down so there would be a layer between his hand and your skin.

“I’ve got stretch marks.” You said quietly and he placed kisses all over your cheeks.

“Baby, I love you.” He said and you smiled. “You’re everything to me, you know that right? I want you to know that. I love you and I really wish you’d love yourself the way I do.” He said and you relaxed slightly in his embrace, Nikki’s words resonating through your mind.

You’d gotten a rare weekday off with Tom, he’d gotten up to take Liam to nursery and joined you back in bed. He’d carefully woken you up with gentle kisses to your face and neck. You woke up wet and horny, instantly pulling him into a kiss. It also seemed like a rare day you hadn’t woken up feeling ill.

“Morning baby.” He whispered against your lips as you smiled.

“Morning.” You mumbled as he pressed his lips against yours again. It was a very long time since you’d had morning sex. The opportunity didn’t present itself often but you weren’t going to let this one pass you by. Your hands slid into his hair and he groaned as you tugged lightly at the curls.

“I fucking love you.” He said as he disconnected your lips and trailed kisses down your neck. He reached for lamp that he’d flicked on earlier, intending to turn it off, you had extremely thick curtains so light wouldn’t wake you in the summer months, you were a light sleeper. You found an ounce of confidence in yourself that you’d not had for a while. You couldn’t carry on like this, you needed to start trusting him with your body, even if you only took small steps.

You reached for his hand and laced them together and he looked at you confused as you brought his knuckles to your lips.

“Leave it on.” You said and he smiled as he kissed your forehead.

“You sure?” He asked and you nodded as you bit your lip, he raised his brow at you and you instantly released as he smiled and kissed you again. His hand trailed down to your pyjama pants as he played with the hem and you almost moaned at the contact, it’d been a while since you’d felt this needy for him. He trailed kisses down your neck again as his hand found its way into your pants, you moaned as his finger trailed up your heat, feeling how wet you are.

“Fuck baby, you’re soaked.” He said and you moaned as his finger circled your clit lightly. “God you get so wet for me, so needy.” He said and you moaned again as he put more pressure on your clit. “Missed hearing those beautiful sounds.” He said as he bit your earlobe. It wasn’t often you could be loud in bed and you were seizing this opportunity to be.

“Tom, please.” You almost begged, he was putting pressure on your clit, but not enough. It had been a while since you’d been vocal in bed and he was almost shocked when he heard your voice but quickly recovered.

“Please what sweetheart?” He said and you lifted your hips to try and create more pressure.

“Tom, I want more, please.” This time you did beg.

“Whatever my wife wants, she gets.” He said as he put the amount of pressure on your clit that he knew you needed.

You became a moaning mess as he fingered you, praising you and whispering all his dirty thoughts into your ear when his phone rang. He ignored it the first few times but it was becoming a distraction for the both of you.

“Tom, will you please shut that off?” You said and he laughed as he kissed your cheek, reaching for his phone, brow furrowed as he studied the screen. “What?” You asked and he shook his head.

“Nothing just work. I’ll sort it later.” He said as he went to shut off his phone but you stopped him.

“You should probably see what it is.” You said and he shook his head.

“Not today baby.” He said and you sighed, his staff knew not to bother him on his days off unless it was important. “I’ll sort it later.” He said as his phone rang again in his hand.

“Answer it.” You encouraged and he cursed before apologising putting the phone to his ear.

“What?” He answered in an almost snappy tone that made you hold in a laugh. Your stomach dropped when you heard the familiar voice at the other end, jealousy rising in your stomach.

“Mr Holland. I’m really sorry to bother you, I hope you weren’t doing anything important.” You heard Gina’s voice.

“What’s wrong? It’s my day off.” He asked as he sighed. You sat up and crossed your arms over your chest the feeling of jealousy settling in your chest. He furrowed his brows as he watched you, taking your hand in his.

“Mr Reed has been calling all morning, he wants a meeting at twelve to go over a couple of things in the contract, he says it will only be an hour.” She said and Tom squeezed your hand as he looked at you apologetically.

“One minute.” He said as he covered the speaker with his hand that was holding yours. “Baby I’m sorry but I need to go into the office for a short while, I promise I’ll only be an hour and a half.” He said apologetically and you put on a fake smile as you nodded. He removed his hand and spoke through the phone again. “Tell him I’ll be there.” He said.

“Brilliant.” You heard her say almost excitedly. “I look forward to seeing you Mr Holland.” It almost sounded like she purred down the phone and your blood boiled as your nostrils flared.

“Bye.” Tom said in response. He took in your angry features as he put the phone down. “You okay?” He asked and you huffed.

“I don’t like her.” You said and he furrowed his brows.

“Who?”

“That secretary of yours.” You almost snapped.

“Gina? Why?” He asked.

“She likes you.” You stated and he sighed.

“Baby, I don’t think she does. Anyway it wouldn’t matter, I love you.” He reassured as he kissed your forehead. You nodded slightly in response trying to push the jealousy you felt back into your mind. “Baby?” He said when you didn’t respond for a minute. “Baby? I’ll be back soon okay, I love you.” He said and he sighed when you didn’t respond getting off the bed and disappearing into the bathroom to shower.

Your emotions suddenly got the best of you, you were angry. You felt like you’d tried to make a step and now he was ditching you to go to work. The rational part of your brain knew it was poor timing and that he couldn’t help it, he had to go into work to sort this contract, it was a huge one for his company and the man he was liaising with was very demanding.

“I love you.” He said as he buttoned his shirt up.

“I love you too.” You said from your spot on the bed.

“How about you meet me at the office? We can go for lunch?” He suggested and you nodded. “I’ll seen you soon princess.” He said as he kissed your forehead and made his way out of the door, you heard as he shut the front door and you picked up a pillow as you screamed in frustration into it. You felt like you had no control over the jealousy and anger coursing through you. You hoped your doctors appointment tomorrow would answer a few questions for you.

Tom was getting worried about you, you’d been quieter recently, you’d told him that Gina made you feel insecure and it didn’t matter what he said you didn’t seem to listen. Your emotions seemed to be out of control and you were yet to tell him what happened at your doctor’s appointment that was almost a month ago. He’d tried bringing it up but you just shut the conversation down and to say it added to his worry for you was an understatement.

You’d had insecurities for years and Tom was aware of them, he tried to help but he was running out of ways to help you, you barely had sex at the moment, although when you did, you allowed the lamp to be left on so long as the duvet was involved to cover you both. He loves you, he really does and he sighed as he played with his wedding ring thinking about the argument you’d had last week.

“I don’t like her Tom. She flirts with you in front of me and it’s starting to piss me off.” You snapped at him and he ran a hand through his hair.

“Y/N, I don’t know what you want me to do.” He sighed.

“Get rid of her.” You stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world and he ran a hand down his face.

“I can’t do that. She’s good at her job, what would I fire her for? I have no evidence that she’s inappropriate towards me and she could sue for unfair dismissal.” He pointed out.

“Tom, she eye fucks you every time she looks at you.”

"I’m not interested. I don’t know how many times I have to say it.”

“I don’t trust her.”

“You should trust me.” He said and hurt laced his tone, your face instantly dropping.

“Tom, I’m sorry. I do trust you. She just makes me feel so insecure, she’s gorgeous.”

“I don’t think she is, Y/N, I love you. Why can’t you just accept that? Accept that I love you for you. I’m tired, I really am darling, I can’t keep going round in circles with you.” Tom sighed.

“What are you saying?” You asked sceptically and he sighed.

“I don’t know Y/N, I just know I’m tired of this cycle.” He said before making his way up to bed and leaving you on the couch to think everything through.

Things had been a little awkward since, you had been quieter around him, almost frightened to speak and he hated it. He didn’t wanna lose you but he felt like he was, your insecurities had seemingly gotten the better of you, he thought you’d been making progress and then a couple of months ago you became colder, snappier and he didn’t know what to do.

“Where’s your head at?” Harrison pulled him from his thoughts and Tom sighed.

“Y/N/N.” He said and Harrison’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What about her?”

“She’s so insecure and I don’t know what to do to help.” Tom sighed. “She has been since she had Liam but it’s gotten worse over the last two months.” He continued.

“How’d you mean?” Harrison asked.

“She won’t let me see her body, hasn’t since Liam really.”

“What? You’ve not seen her naked?” Harrison asked.

“No. Well yeah, but only on rare occasions.” Tom elaborated. “I don’t understand, she’s fucking gorgeous, I love her so much. Gina makes her feel insecure.” Tom said and Harrison raised his brows again.

“Tom, mate. Maybe you’ve both let this go on too long. It’s your anniversary today, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tom smiled, you’d been married four years today and he felt ecstatic.

“You should go home and you should take control. Don’t let her shy away back into herself. Make her understand how you feel, don’t let her get too stuck inside her head. Maybe try counselling, loads of couples have it.” Harrison suggested and Tom sighed.

“Maybe you’re right, she’s been through so many changes at such a young age and I think I need to remind my girl what she means to me, that I’m not just with her because we have a child together or out of convenience or anything, thanks mate.” Tom smiled slightly and Harrison placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“You’ll be okay. You both will. You’re rock solid.”

Tom’s day was slow, the anticipation of seeing you tonight was kicking in as he watched the end of his shift roll onto the clock in front of him, just as he was packing up his things he heard a knock at his door.

“Come in.” He said and he watched as Gina made her way through the door. “What’s up?” He asked and she smiled at him, it seemed almost mischievous.

“Mr Holland, I was hoping to catch you.” She said as she walked towards him, hips swinging more than usual.

“What do you need? I’m in a bit of a hurry.” He said in the most polite way possible.

“What are your plans for the evening?” She asked as she leant on his desk. Cleavage showing as Tom looked away awkwardly.

“It’s my anniversary, need to get home to my wife.” He said and she laughed harshly.

“Come on Tom. She can’t seriously make you happy? I’ve seen how stressed you’ve been lately. Let me relieve some of it. She’s clearly not.”

“Gina, this is inappropriate.” Tom stated firmly and she smiled cockily at him.

“Oh come on Tom. You must want someone better.” She said as she walked around the desk and set on the edge of his desk in front of him, he instantly stood up and created a distance between them. She laughed again.

“I won’t tell if you won’t. I can offer you so much more, I’m put more effort into myself, I’d look good for you every day, not just on a rare date night. I work and from what I’ve heard she doesn’t. I don’t have the body of someone who’s had a kid, no stretch marks or extra weight.” She said and every word was making Tom angrier, how fucking dare she?

“Gina, I suggest you leave.” Tom said firmly.

“Fine. Go home to your boring house wife, try not to think about me while you’re having boring, mediocre sex with a boring, mediocre woman.” She said as she hopped off his desk and his anger boiled at her words. He needed her to leave. Just when he thought he’d get his wish she spun around to speak again. “I wouldn’t keep you chained at home because of some kid.” She said and Tom’s anger boiled over.

“I expect your two weeks’ notice on Monday.” He stated firmly and her jaw dropped. “Or I am letting you go for inappropriate behaviour. You know nothing about my wife and our relationship, she is more of a woman than you will ever hope to be. She’s beautiful without having to try, she’s kind and she’s given me a son I love more than anything. You do not belong in my company and I will quickly be finding your replacement. That will be easy. You were stupid however, to believe you could replace my wife, she is one woman who is irreplaceable in my life."

“As for the remarks about her body, she has given me the greatest and most treasured gift I’ve ever received and that is the pleasure of being a dad, my son means the more than anything to me and if it wasn’t for my wife he wouldn’t be here, so I would appreciate it if you kept your comments to yourself and shut your mouth.”

He finished his rant and watched her angrily storm out of his office as he slumped back into his chair, running his hands over his face, you were right, she couldn’t be trusted. Tom sat there and thought about you for a solid fifteen minutes, alone in his office.

He loves you and he’s going to prove it, Harrison was right, he needed to take control of the situation, not let you shy away from him. Maybe some counselling would be of benefit but he didn’t care, it was nothing to be ashamed of. If it’s what you needed then he’d do it for you, he’d do anything for you. He had let this go on for too long, he realised as he sat there that you’d both fallen into a routine and not spoken as much as you should when these insecurities first made an appearance.

It wasn’t as if you’re marriage was unhappy, it was incredibly happy but the last couple of months had been hard on you both. He sighed as he made his way to his car, you were his everything, you were the person he wanted to grow old with, he didn’t want anyone else. He was itching to get home to you now, wishing the journey would be faster despite the short amount of time it took him to get home. He was glad it would just be you in when he got home, Liam was staying at your mum’s for the night.

As he approached the front door and unlocked it he was quick to throw his things to the side and hang his jacket up. His feet padded around the house until he found you in the library reading, it was always your escape, something you found comfort in and he loved catching you when you had your head stuck in a book. He found it so domestic and it filled his heart with a warmth only you could. He still loved you as much now as he did when he fell for you all those years ago.

“Hi princess.” He said and he laughed lightly as you jumped, you’d been so stuck into your book you’d not heard him.

“Tom! I didn’t hear you come in.” You said and he laughed.

“Clearly.” He snorted and watched as you smiled at him, god it was a beautiful smile, Liam had the same one. “Happy anniversary.” He said and your smile widened.

“Happy anniversary.” You said as you put your book down and he approached you, extending his hand, you took it, furrowed brows.

“We’ve got an hour before we need to start getting ready to go out.” He said and you smiled again. “Come with me.” He said as he led you out of the library and into the bedroom. “Stand.” He said as he motioned in front of him. You looked confused but did anyway. “Turn around.” You did and you were met with the mirror that was on your wardrobe.

“Tom-“ You started but he cut you off.

“Baby, I love you.” He said and he kissed your temple, eyes connected with yours through the glass of the mirror. “Every inch of you is perfect.” He said and you blushed, almost on instinct his thumb came to your bottom lip before you could bite it.

“What are you doing?” You asked and he smiled at you as he kissed your neck.

“I want you to see what I do. Love yourself like I do.” He said and his tone was so gentle that you could have cried with how full your heart felt. “You have such a beautiful face.” He said as he kissed your cheek. He lifted your top and took it off, your head instantly turning so you weren’t looked into the mirror. “Princess, look.” He said and you blushed, his hand coming round to grasp your chin, pulling your face back to the mirror.

You watched as he peppered kisses along your shoulder. “You are perfection to me.” He said as he slowly unclipped your bra, letting it fall to the floor. He continued to place kisses to your shoulder and you reached up to run a hand through his hair, you found it comforting. You swallowed your nerves at him seeing your body, he loved you, he still thought you were beautiful.

You started to say it over and over again in your mind as your nerves settled, he continued to whisper all the things he loved about you into your ear as your head rested back onto his shoulder. He slowly took your leggings and underwear off before standing back up and wrapping his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder.

“Baby, you have nothing to be insecure about, I want you to look at yourself. You’re perfect, I don’t want anyone else, you’re it for me, you’re my everything. You’ve given me a beautiful son and you shouldn’t punish yourself for that, you might have had a few changes but I still love you the same, if not more. Princess, I need you to trust me when I say it.” He said as his eyes scanned your body, you really were beautiful, every stretch mark a reminder that you’d brought your beautiful child into the world and he couldn’t be more grateful to you.

He watched as the blush in your cheeks calmed the more he praised your body, your insecurities being fought back by his truths and he knew it was a step forward, you still had many more to take but it was a start, he loves you and he’s willing to do anything for you, wait as long as you want.

You felt your insecurities dissipate the more he spoke, you had to let him in, you had to let him heal you, see you. You’re married, you love each other. You turned your face as you pulled him closer to you, his head turning as you caught his lips in a kiss, it was sweet at first until it grew deeper, needier, and more desperate.

“Tom, I want you.” You said and he peppered kisses down your neck, he turned you around to face him, one hand in your hair and the other on your waist. He pulled you closer to him as you continued to kiss, tongues finding each other’s as they fought for dominance that Tom won. He walked you back until you were on the bed, back hitting the mattress.

“Gonna make you feel good.” He said into the skin of your neck and you shivered in anticipation, growing more aroused by the second. He kissed down your body and you let out a shaky breath as his breath fanned your clit. He licked a stripe through your wet folds and almost moaned at the taste, he listened as you moaned out. “Sound so hot baby.” He spoke against you and the vibrations shot straight through your body.

He lapped at your clit as you moaned his name, occasionally sucking your clit before releasing it and gentle licking it again. You threw your head back at the sensations and Toms hand came up to lace with yours, you felt him leave your clit for a second and just as you were about to ask why he stopped he spoke.

“I want you to look at me princess. I want to watch your beautiful face as you come apart on my tongue.” He said and you almost moaned at his words when you felt his tongue on your clit again. You snapped your eyes to his and the look in them sent new waves of pleasure through your system. The intimacy making you more aroused, you could see the clear lust in his eyes but the look of love and adoration was there too.

He moved his free hand and circled a finger around your entrance as he continued to suck and lick at your clit and you moaned as he slid his finger in, never breaking eye contact and it was hot, your insecurities moving further into the back of your mind in this moment. You loved him so much and you knew he loved you. You moaned as you felt him add a second finger, curling them towards your g spot.

Every lick and stroke against your clit and g spot was bringing you closer to your edge as you looked into each other’s eyes as he brought you closer. Your orgasm was fast approaching and you squeezed his hand, using it as an anchor to keep your hips still. “I want you to come for me princess.” He said as he sucked your clit, a little harsher this time as his fingers stroked your g spot faster and more frequently.

You felt yourself barrel over the edge and into the waves beneath, getting lost in your orgasm as you threw your head back, eyes closed as you moaned his name and he fucked you through your high with his fingers. You came down from your high as he made his way back up your body, kissing every inch he could on the way. You reached down to unbuckle his belt and he stopped you.

“Not tonight my love, this is about you.” He said and your heart melted, you loved this man. He brought his fingers to his mouth and licked them clean, your arousal grew again as you watched him. He reached into the bedside table and as he was about to pull out a condom you stopped him.

“Don’t need one tonight.” You said and he looked at you eyebrows raised.

“Darling, are you saying you want to try for another?” He asked and you shrugged as you grinned at him and he kissed your cheek multiple times. “I love you so much.” He spoke and you returned the words as he slipped into you, giving you a minute to adjust, you both moaned, not having the barrier of a condom made it feel so much better. He looked at you for approval before you nodded, giving him permission to move.

He rolled his hips slowly against your own as he laced both your hands together, bringing them both above your head as you both moaned. It was slow and passionate and everything you needed, you realised the light was still on but couldn’t bring yourself to care, he was showing you just how much he loved you through his actions. You moaned as he shifted his hips to angle perfectly to hit your g spot.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good.” He moaned. “Always feel amazing.” He said and you moaned.

“I love you.” You moaned out as he continued his slow and passionate pace, this was about more than just getting off and you both knew it.

“I love you so much. So lucky to have you as my wife, wouldn’t ever want anyone else, you’re my everything.” He reminded you of the words he’d said ever since you first told each other you loved each other. His thrusts grew sloppier as you both chased your highs, moaning together as his pubic bone rubbed against your clit. He pulled back slightly to look into your eyes and that was enough to send you over the edge again, moaning as you felt him finish inside you. He fucked you both through your highs as you came down together.

He collapsed on top of you and you ran your fingers through his hair as he ran his hands up and down your sides, placing kisses to your chest every now and again. It was quiet for a while as you both caught your breaths. He was still lodged inside you.

“I mean it you know. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You said as you kissed his hair and continued to run your hands through it. He kissed your shoulder as he took in a breath and pulled out of you before getting off the bed and picking you up bridal style. He carried you into the bathroom as you cleaned yourselves up and he set the bath going as you went to the toilet.

He came back into the room with towels and bubble bath, adding the liquid to the water and you smiled at the gesture, he was never really one for bubble bath but you loved it. Five minutes later and you found yourself with your back to his chest as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and you ran a hand up and down his fore arm. The excitement of the news you had getting the better of you as you spoke.

“I’m pregnant.” You said and you felt his head lift from your shoulder.

“You’re what?” He asked in shock and you laughed.

“I can’t believe we both missed it.” You said through giggles and he joined.

“Yeah makes perfect sense. I knew you weren’t a big fan of pesto.” He teased and you laughed. “Seriously though? You’re pregnant?” He asked again and you nodded furiously.

“Nine weeks. We weren’t overly careful after one of our date nights” You confirmed and he peppered your cheek with kisses.

“Oh baby, I’m so excited. I love you so much. Liam’s gonna be a big brother.” He said excitedly as you kissed his bicep. “I’m gonna be a father of two.” He said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I wanted to wait until today.” You said and he kissed your shoulder.

“It’s fine princess. I’m so happy.” He said and you felt a tear run down your shoulder and you spun around to look at him, happy tears in his eyes.

“Tom.” You said as you wiped at his tears.

“I’m just so happy.” He said and you smiled. “Sorry, I cried over Liam too, just once the shock of it had sunk in. I think I had my suspicions this time around. God, I’m lost for words.” He said and you kissed him. “You are perfect my love, two more and we’ll have that big family we wanted.” He said and you laughed.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, childbirth is no easy task.” You teased and he kissed you, smiling into it before he brought your left hand up to his face and kissed your wedding ring.

“I couldn’t have found a more perfect partner.” He said as he placed his forehead against yours, your heart filling with so much love for him, it was almost overwhelming. He was going to tell you about Gina but he would wait for a better day, nothing was going to ruin this moment for the two of you.

You made love so many times that night you lost count. Reminding each other how much you loved each other, he didn’t leave an inch of your body untouched by the love he has for you and although you had a long way to go, you were making progress and he knew you’d get through it together as you would anything because you loved each other and neither of you could imagine a future without the other.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland au #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #ceo!tom

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solaeter · 3 years

Note

can i request any soft casual date headcanons for choso or noritoshi or geto? -akatsukimommy

Soft, Casual Date | Headcanons

Note: tysm for being my first request! .+:｡(ﾉ･ω･)ﾉﾞ I hope I did these justice, headcanons and I don’t get along because I over think and..it’s a process lmao. I also chose to do all three because I can’t pick between them |ω･)و ̑̑༉

Word Count: 1838

Characters: Choso, Noritoshi Kamo and Suguru Geto

Warning[s]: None aside from possible errors I didn’t bother to check for.

Request Status: OPEN

↠ There’d be lots of communication, mostly coming from you as the two of you venture about. From shops, food and to culture, you educate Choso while he just is so lost in you. He’s like a puppy, completely in love and hanging onto every word. From how he looks at you, you’d question if he was actually listening.

↠ A soft casual date with Choso would probably be showing him around Tokyo. This boy will be glued to your side, arms linked together or he’d hold your hand. Regardless, he’s not letting you out of his sight.

“Did I lose you?” You worried you were babbling on too much and Choso shakes his head. He can’t help himself and admire you, how you knew so much and the level of patience you had for him made his chest tighten.

“No, continue please.” So polite he is, taking your hand once again as you smile before going into another explanation that leads into a particularly embarrassing story of a past experience. But Choso doesn’t laugh, he is humored, don’t get him wrong, but he pulls you to his side and offers a small bit of comfort. So precious (´•ω•̥`)

↠ After walking around for what feels like forever, you’d drag Choso to a cute little cafe for a chance to sit down and enjoy a snack or drink.

↠ Choso might feel a little out of his element but having you there is all he needs. So don’t mind him he wears a little frown or looks around curiously. Normal customs are beyond the poor boy though he is quick to catch onto things.

↠ For example, Choso may not like anything in his coffee. So when you look at him with a crinkled nose and a small smile, he’d tilt his head.

“What?”

“Black coffee? I could never.” You stick your tongue in a playfully disgusted manner and if Choso wasn’t in love then, he certainly fell more. You were so cute, innocent and he can’t seem to handle the emotions that swarm him.

↠ Choso.exe has stopped working.

↠ After the pit stop, the little date would end with Choso seeing you home. He had things to attend to so staying wasn’t a choice unfortunately, but he makes sure to give you one hell of a hug. There’s so much love and he will cherish every moment with you, his actions prove this statement.

↠ Especially when he doesn’t let go immediately, keeping you there and mumbling a goodnight in your ear. It’d have your heart hammering in your chest and if he kisses you, or you to him, you’d both probably be flustered messes.

↠ But that’s alright cause neither one of you will forget the feeling and you’d be left at the door to your home, eyes soft and body warm with your phone in hand to plan the next time you get to see Choso.

↠ A soft casual date with Noritoshi would probably be an evening stroll through the park or sitting at home and enjoying one another's company. It’s not about what goes on, but rather the experience, atmosphere and feelings during that moment. Noritoshi is sentimental and it plays into a lot of things that he does. Especially when it comes to you.

↠ If you went for a walk with Noritoshi, just like with Choso, he’s keep you close. Except it might be a hand on the small of your back or loosely holding your hand. The contact is reassuring to him, it lets him know you’re okay even if there’s no danger in sight.

↠ He also holds these little dates close to his heart considering he’s busy most of the time with sorcerer work and clan duties. So one the off days where he can see you, happiness and a sense of much needed calmness will radiate around him. And it’s obvious to you.

“You seem happy.” You point out while the two of you stand on a bridge overlooking a quiet stream illuminated by the setting sun. One might say the view is right out of a photo and you’d agree. Noritoshi laughs beside you, sounding so free from whatever shackles held him daily.

“Any time with you brings me much joy. It’s a breath of fresh air. Perhaps even an escape from reality.” He’d say so casually despite the sentence being cheesy as hell. You bite your lip and smile, ignoring the light blush dusting your cheeks. Smooth fucker, how dare he ୧(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭

Instead of responding because you were lost for words like a fool, you’d hug Noritoshi’s side and enjoy the peaceful view. The contact was all the response he needed, he thrived off of it.

↠ Noritoshi isn’t opposed to taking you to his home, but he enjoys spending time at yours for a change of scenery. His obligations and duties don’t follow him once inside your humble little abode.

↠ A date can be anything, or so you’ve reassured many times because let’s be honest, Noritoshi doesn’t have the slightest idea on dating. So when you offered to sit at home and ‘chill’, he was completely thrown left field the first time. Now it’s one of his favorite things.

↠ Noritoshi will melt if you let him lay his head on your lap so you can play with his hair. There’s something so, so relaxing about it that he just falls apart over a simple act of affection. Plus you love seeing his content face while you absentmindedly watch tv and chat quietly about the day's events. The domestic atmosphere has your head spinning and mind jumping to thoughts of marriage. You’d bat the thoughts away but you can’t and when you frown, Noritoshi is quick to notice.

“You okay?” His soothing voice brings you out of your short lived fantasy and you look down at him, noticing the concern despite his eyes never opening. You nod quickly, flashing a reassuring smile.

“Of course! I was just thinking, nothing bad.” You wouldn’t dare admit to thinking about the future that isn’t even certain. Instead of pressing further, Noritoshi brings a hand up to rest along your cheek. His touch was warm and welcoming and you can’t help but nuzzle into the palm of his hand.

↠ Lovesick fools you both are.

↠ Noritoshi is attached to you and he knew he was in deep after the first date. Now every moment with you is engraved in his memory, his heart. No matter how simple or quiet or rambunctious, he doesn’t forget. He also makes mental notes to take you out somewhere nice the next time he gets free time. Until then, he relishes in the comfort you bring and the freedom he feels while spending time at your home.

↠ All in all, relaxing at home playing with Noritoshi’s hair after taking a nice walk sure beats going to the movies or staying out into the late hours of the night. You cherish the softness of his face as he lays on you and the way he lets himself be loose around you in private. Nothing can beat the little things.

↠ A soft casual date with Geto would be getting him out of trouble probably going out to some unhealthy restaurant and eating your weight in a buffet. Why? Geto can eat and will definitely drag you along. Will also make comments like:

“You need to gain some weight [Name], don’t fear the food.” He’s tryna be nice, honestly especially if you are shy or being conservative. But you may or may not take offense to that. So just punch him to shut him up (๑و•̀ω•́)و.

↠ Will talk about anyone and anything. Geto definitely gossip to you about other people that pass by, making up random blurbs that are far fetched or downright dumb. He likes to keep the mood light and fun especially if he just came back from a mission and needed a change of pace.

↠ Geto is polite in every sense of the way despite his little comments here and there. He holds doors open for you, keeps your hand locked in his and will often bring it up to kiss your knuckles just to wooo you. Only because he knows it works. Every time.

↠ After dinner, Geto would take you to the top of some building to look at the sky. Why? It’s romantic in his opinion and secondly it’s nice to get away from the crowds and admire the sea of stars while in the presence of the one who so graciously tolerates him.

“You know,” He’d break the silence and look over at you, catching your attention, “I appreciate you for keeping me grounded.” Geto spoke from his heart, referring to the mixed feelings and lingering doubt that covered his heart. The only light that remained was the space you occupied. You blink and sit up on your elbow.

“Where’s this coming from?”

“I don’t know, I just wanted to say it.” He shrugs, flashing you a half smile before pulling you on him for a hug. The two of you would remain like this until lord knows when. Geto wanted to stay like this for as long as possible because soon he wouldn’t have you anymore.

↠ Which brings us to the new Geto, the monkey hater. If you managed to stay with him through all the shit he did, good on you for being a certified simp! And if you were a non-sorcerer, you are the only ‘monkey’ he tolerates because he loves you so. This bastard will kill anyone for you, even if you’re out on a cute, casual date.

↠ Which would include him taking you out somewhere very nice, like way out of your normal budget. The man loves to impress, always has and always will.

“Isn’t this a bit..much?” You question, looking at the array of silverware neatly arranged before you. Geto leans forward, his elbow on the table and chin now resting in the palm of his hand. He wore a sly smile, one that was far too relaxed for a cold hearted killer.

“Not at all.” He reaches with his other hand and takes yours, brushing his thumb across your knuckles. You melt of course, he always managed to take you down, so effortlessly. “You deserve the best.”

“Even if I’m a monkey?” You raise an eyebrow. No one said you agreed with his ideals, but love kept you by his side. Geto laughs, clearly humored.

“What can I say? I’m a hypocrite out of love.”

(╯°□°）╯︵ (\ . 0 .)\

↠ As to where you go afterwards, that depends on you cause Geto will take you anywhere. Even though he’s different now, his opinion toward you and how he holds the relationship never changed. If anything, he loves you even more for looking past the monster he became and showing him the love he was scared to lose.

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koushou · 3 years

Note

Can you please do zhongli/rex lapis x fem shy reader. The fem reader is extremely shy and doesn't have any friends cause of her quiet and timid nature and she lives in liyue with her parents and an only child. She loves to story of rex lapis and the history of liyue and accidentally meet zhongli and sometime later he revealed to be rex lapis to the reader. Also, the fem is a villager of liyue and doesn't have super powers to fight just a weak villager.

fateful meeting

pairing : zhongli x shy f!reader {fluff}

warnings : none

word count : 2.6k

a/n : thank you for this request! I apologize for the wait, I dont think i made the reader as shy as you requested jshdjd sorry, i hope you enjoy !

Even as a child you had been fascinated by the stories of Liyue, or rather, a specific figure in its history. Perhaps, the archons have heard your passionate nature regarding Liyue, for a fateful meeting one day will change your peaceful life forever.

Life was everything you could’ve ever wished for.

Only the soft, consistent chopping of a knife against a wooden cutting board and an occasional quiet flip of a page in a book could be heard in one of the many homes in Qingce Village.

Sunlight seeps through the cracks of the window you sat by, casting a bright glow on the words inside the book in your hands, seeming as if the story itself was coming to life.

Well, not that the story wasn’t coming to life, it had already come to life, for you were currently reading about the history of your beloved nation, Liyue.

The book you were so engrossed in was not an unfamiliar story, having already read it a couple times. You would never grow tired of this one.

A smile played on your lips as you approached one of your favorite parts of this specific chapter.

Softly fiddling with the corner of the thin page, your eyes scanned over the familiar words slowly.

Wielding a spear so sharp no blade could even hope to compete against, he emerges from the shadows, illuminating a golden aura around his built figure. In one swift motion, the polearm-wielding fighter sends a rumble through the ground beneath him, ridding of any enemies around him in a flash. A sigh leaves his lips as he removes his hood, examining his surroundings. A long ponytail of golden-brown hair trails down to his waist, flowing softly in the wind. His eyes the same shade, if anything more golden, slowly fluttering shut, head turning upwards, immersing himself in the soft breeze.

You pause and gaze out the window, sighing at the scene of hundreds of miles of tall mountains spread out all around, all thanks to one person. One archon, to be more specific.

About to flip the page once more to continue, you were interrupted by your mother’s voice calling out from the kitchen.

“Y/N, dear, could you fetch me some berries down the river if you aren’t busy?”

You tear your eyes away from the book begrudgingly, calling back, “Fine, anything else?”

“Some sweet flowers and fowl would be great, thanks honey!”

You shut the book, placing it down on your table as you stand up to stretch, bones cracking at the movement.

As much as you wanted nothing but to snuggle back into your chair and immerse yourself back into the story, your parents were the most important people in your life, and you knew it was mainly up to you to take care of them.

Being an only child isn’t as lonely as people make it out to be, you get peace and quiet in the home, and you wouldn’t change it for anything else.

Kicking on your shoes you wore when you ventured outside, you picked up the basket that was used to collect food, as well as your hunting bow for the fowl.

You didn’t know how to fight, having spent your whole life secluded in the village, but you had enough hunting experience, at least.

About to head out, your eyes landed on the book now laying on the table and pondered for a moment, before grabbing it and placing it into the basket.

Despite your mother’s scolding about dangers reading outside, you just wanted a change of scenery while you lose yourself in Liyue’s history.

“I’m heading out now, Ma!” You call out as you push open the wooden door to your home, earning a hum from her in response.

The heat in Liyue would be pretty unbearable to outsiders, however having lived in the same village for almost all your life, it wasn’t anything new.

You hummed, greeting your neighbors occasionally with a wave, walking down to your usual place to fetch ingredients.

Finally reaching your destination not too far from the village, you crouch by the river as you picked the sweet flowers and berries your mother had asked for.

“Mmm, what else did she ask for again?” You thought out loud, forgetting the last ingredient, eyes landing on your bow.

“Oh right, fowl!”

You scan your surroundings, looking for any signs of birds, when suddenly you hear a sharp rustle of a bush behind you.

Not having time to even turn around and investigate, a heavy weight pounced on you from behind, causing you to tumble forward.

You let out a yelp, feeling a pain through your arm that you had landed on, turning around to see the attacker.

Your eyes widened, seeing it had been a hilichurl that was currently standing above you, however, it didn’t feel like a regular hilichurl.

It had black smoke emitting around it, as if some type of curse had been placed on it, enhancing its strength.

The hilichurl spurt out some unintelligible words, before raising its bat and lunging at you once again.

You grab your bow beside you quickly, aiming at its head before completely missing due to your shaking hands.

Cursing under your breath, you pick up a rock and throw it weakly at the creature, causing it to stop only briefly before charging towards you again, seemingly more angered this time.

This was it, you thought. All the time spent not learning how to fight, this must’ve been your punishment.

You shield your face with your arms, hoping to at least lessen the impact, before hearing the hilichurl shout followed by a thud behind you.

Moving your hands away from your head, you turn to see the hilichurl now lying unconscious a few feet away from you.

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

A deep, masculine voice brings you out of your shock, as you turn slowly to meet your savior, instead met by a hand held out in front of you, offering assistance.

Your eyes trailed up to the mysterious man’s face, before your breath caught in your throat.

A long ponytail of golden-brown hair trails down to his waist, flowing softly in the wind.

The man looked back at you curiously, hand still reached out toward you.

His eyes the same shade, if anything more golden.

Why were you suddenly reminded of those words in the book?

Your mouth gapes at the sight of the man above you, his presence bringing a strange feeling you didn’t recognize.

Your eyes widened. Could it be..?

“...excuse me? Are you alright?”

His voice brings you out of your daze once again, a worried look cast upon his handsome features. Wait, what?

It was only then did you realize how good looking the man was before you, turning red as you took his hand and stood up, wobbling a tiny bit.

“Thank you for saving me,” you bow slightly, quickly picking up your forgotten belongings on the ground, still flustered from the incident.

You were about to say goodbye and leave as quick as you could, before your book fell out of your basket and landed on the ground next to the man’s feet.

“Ah—“

The man bent down and picked up the book, about to hand it back to you, when he suddenly stopped and examined the cover.

You swore you could’ve been seeing things, but a small smile grazes his lips as he faces you.

“Are you also interested in the stories of Liyue?”

You stop in your tracks, turning to the man who was now flipping through the pages of the book to the section you had bookmarked prior.

His golden orbs now held an unreadable expression behind them, almost...nostalgic.

You felt a small surge of confidence as your favorite topic was brought up.

“Ah--yes, I am quite informed of the history of Liyue myself,” you smile softly to yourself, causing him to look up and chuckle.

“Is that so?” He hums, tilting his head upwards to face the blue sky, closing his eyes slowly.

...slowly fluttering shut, head turning upwards, immersing himself in the soft breeze.

Your eyes widened at the sight.

There was no way.

But, there was no other explanation for it.

“May I...ask your name?” You ask carefully, awaiting his answer.

He shuts the book with a soft thud, handing it back to you to which you take back happily.

“I go by Zhongli.”

He offers you a smile, making your heart skip a beat and blood to your cheeks, as you stutter back your name in response.

“Be careful around these parts, monsters have been affected by some sort of spell here, making them stronger than usual,” he explains while putting away his spear he had used earlier.

Wielding a spear so sharp no blade could even hope to compete against.

There was no mistaking it.

“Are you perhaps--”

You start to ask, gaining a curious gaze from him, however stopping in your words after realizing how bizarre you’d sound if you’d ask him the question you had been aching to voice since your meeting.

“Nevermind, I should get going,” You shake your head, thanking him once more before starting to walk away.

“If you’d like me to answer your question, meet me back here tomorrow, at the same time.”

Zhongli spoke behind you, making you turn and meet his eyes, which gazed back into yours almost knowingly.

“But you don’t know what my question is,” you question, confusion evident on your features.

He chuckles again, the sound making you melt on the spot.

“Do not underestimate the geo archon.”

With that, he disappears into the other direction, leaving you frozen in your place.

Did he just…?

A million thoughts were coursing through your head at the moment. But one thing was for sure, you couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

That night, sleep did not come to you like usual.

With your head filled with thoughts about Zhongli, and his last words before departing, you were basically shaking with excitement.

Had you really met him?

Nevermind, your questions would all be answered the next day.

“I see you’ve arrived.”

Zhongli smiles at you, to which you return the gesture, still mesmerized by his delicate features to speak.

You had practically jumped out of bed this morning, making some jumbled excuse about fetching more berries and fowl to your mother, who was left dumbfounded.

Zhongli pats the spot beside him on the grass, and you notice his spear laying next to him on the other side.

Carefully sitting down next to the tall man, both of your backs leaned against the tree with its leaves above you providing minimal cover from the sun. It was then that you noticed the close proximity of your bodies, making you flush.

“So, would you like to ask me your question from yesterday?”

You bit your bottom lip nervously for a moment, before shaking your head and reaching next to you into the bag that you had brought.

“Ah-- before that, Mr. Zhongli, you mentioned you are also interested in Liyue’s stories?” You pulled out the book from yesterday.

He nods, as you flip open the book to the chapter you had bookmarked. The same chapter describing Rex Lapis’s first appearance.

“Just Zhongli is fine. And yes, I am also well-informed of the stories of Liyue. Would you like me to tell you some?”

You nod, showing him the marked section. “That would be nice, but could you answer this one question of mine first?”

He takes the book from your hands, bright pupils scanning over the words. A small breeze blew by just that moment, causing his long hair to lift slightly. The sunlight shone softly on his pale skin, giving him an almost ethereal aura.

You never thought someone could appear so calm and peaceful while reading a book.

“Yes, ask away.”

He lifts his head up to meet your eyes, making you clear your throat, embarrassed you had been admiring him so openly.

Although that chapter remains your favorite chapter of all times, there had been one question that had stayed in the corner of your mind each time you read it.

“In that section, when Rex Lapis lifts his head and immerses himself in the wind, what do you think he was feeling? Satisfaction from eliminating his enemies? Or perhaps, tired from all the fighting in the Archon War?”

Zhongli hums, smiling gently at nothing in particular as he closes his eyes, lifting his head up towards the sky.

A small breeze passes by again, and you smile at the sight. You no longer questioned his true identity. You knew.

“That all may be true, however, I’d say he was feeling quite…” He pauses, as if trying to search for the right word.

“...saddened, almost.”

You tilt your head curiously, “Saddened?”

He nods, facing you, “Perhaps mournful, even. Have you ever wondered if Rex Lapis wanted to kill at all? Although those evil should be eliminated, they are still living souls, and perhaps he wished for everything to return to normal.”

Zhongli’s voice trailed off, as he held a sad feeling behind his eyes, making you unconsciously reach for his hand laying on his lap.

He looked at you in surprise at the sudden contact, and your eyes widened at your own actions, making a move to quickly retrieve your own hand, when he stops you.

He brings the both of your hands together, now laying on his lap as red spreads through your cheeks.

The both of you sit in silence as a few beats pass, when he breaks the silence once again.

“I’d like to share with you some of my favorite stories of Liyue, would you be interested?”

You smile, nodding as he starts speaking again.

And he shares stories you’ve never heard before, or even some that you have, but a different version of. The difference in stories that you had believed your whole life made you surprised, not sure what to believe.

No, scratch that, deep down, you knew what to believe. Or, who to believe.

Zhongli shares his stories until it starts to become dark, to which he finally stops and suggests you return home.

“I’ll walk you home, it’s quite dangerous at night.”

You thank him, and you two start to make your way back, continuing to talk about Liyue and its fascinating history.

“Ah, it’s just right down there. Thank you for today, Zhongli.” You smile at him once again, ready to return before he stops you.

“Are you not going to ask me the question you had yesterday?” It was quite dark, so it was a bit difficult to tell, but you swore there was a slight smirk on his lips.

You laugh, shaking your head. “I’ve got my answer already.”

He raises his eyebrows, a teasing hint in his voice, “Are you sure, Y/N?”

Hearing your name roll off his tongue sent shivers through your body, smirking back at him.

“I’m quite sure, Rex Lapis.”

Zhongli opens his mouth to speak before closing, as deep chuckles ring through the night. Not long after, your own quiet giggles joining him. Finally, you both recover from your laughter.

“Goodnight then, Morax, you still have to share your stories with me tomorrow.”

He smiles at you, golden eyes shining even through the dark. “Same time?”

You grin back, before turning to return back to your home. “Same time.”

Maybe you’d ask him to teach you how to fight tomorrow.

On second thought, perhaps your lack of experience in fighting was a good thing. For because of it, you had met the man who only existed in books that you’d read everyday.

Your once peaceful life, although disrupted by the appearance of the one and only geo archon you admired so dearly, had now offered you something to look forward to each day.

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