#Santa Claus isn’t real. ✦ Crack
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Dear Santa [Manjiro “Mikey” Sano x Fem!Reader]
✧ Twelve Days of Toman ✧ Masterlist
Song to Listen to : Santa Tell Me by Ariana Grande
Genre: Fluff, a bit of crack
Summary: Even at his age, Mikey believes in Santa, as his brother never told him the fabled truth. Not wanting to break his heart, you try and come up with a way to gently break the news to him; however, instead, Mikey reminds you how maybe indulging in your inner child isn’t as bad as the others make it out to be.
Warnings/Contains: Manga spoilers (this takes place after the manga ends) Fluff, Mikey’s dramatic, Shinchiro annoyed with Mikey, the Sano family loves you
WC: 2.0k
December 2018
The holiday season means a multitude of things for families. There’s the buying of gifts so no one is left out, decorating the house; and most of all, keeping everyone happy and in the holiday spirit. For some that means cooking and baking tasty treats, others that means wrapping and bagging gifts to make them customized for the person they’re meant for. For the Sano family however, things are a bit different.
Ever since he first heard of him from his older brother, Mikey loved Santa Claus and looked forward to him visiting every holiday season. Each year without fail, there would be a gift for him wrapped all prettily and signed in what he called ‘santa writing’. There was only one downside. At the bright age of 28, he still believed that Santa Claus existed. All because his big brother never told him that Santa isn’t actually real. And that’s how you got stuck in this situation.
You were Mikey’s new girlfriend, and this was the first holiday season you would be spending together. You were very excited to see everyone again since it had been awhile since you last saw Emma and Shinchiro after meeting them around the 4 month mark, and you and Mikey had started officially dating in February when he asked you out.
You really liked Mikey, and were maybe thinking about dropping the ‘L’ word soon, but for now you were focusing on spending time with your boyfriend and his family. However, instead, you were focusing on keeping him happy so that everyone else could be the same.
“Hi Shin!” You grinned as you saw your boyfriend’s older brother, giving him a hug before holding out a plastic container toward him. “I made some oreo balls. I hope you guys like them.”
“Thank you so much, y/n. I’m sure we will.” Shinchiro smiled, setting the container down on the kitchen counter behind him. “Where’s Mikey?”
“He said he wanted to take a look at the tree to see how many gifts you got him.” You laughed. “The place looks great. I’m glad that you were able to finally find your own place.”
“Me too, thank you.” He nodded. “Maybe soon I can have a girl over.”
“I hope you will come next holiday season so that you won’t be the only single person.” You teased, having learned that Mikey and Shin’s friends both poked fun at the fact that Shinchiro couldn’t seem to get a girlfriend much less land a solid date with someone.
“Shin! You better hope Santa brings me more gifts to make up for your lack there-of!” Mikey called out from the living room. The elder Sano sighed, shaking his head at his brother’s antics.
“I’m sure he will, Mikey.”
Your eyebrows furrowed slightly from the brothers' bickering, not sure if they were joking around since Emma and Draken had a child and most likely gave them gifts from Santa. However, part of you was wondering if they were serious based on the frown that adorn Shinchiro’s face. “Don’t like the Santa tradition?”
“Not when Mikey still thinks he’s real.” Shinchiro sighed. “I know I should have told him, but I was told not to since he was younger than me. Eventually, I thought he would learn on his own how Santa isn’t real, like I did.”
Your mouth fell open, shocked that your boyfriend at the age of 28 still believed in Santa Claus. “No one ever told him?”
“If they didn’t then he didn’t believe them.”
“y/n,” Mikey whined, walking over and hugging you from behind. “Do you think Santa will know to bring your gift here instead of your place since you’re staying the night?’
That was when you knew that Mikey was being serious, and believed that Santa was visiting tonight; and thankfully, that was when Emma and Draken arrived so you didn’t have to answer, or worse, tell him the truth yourself.
“How old is she now?” You asked Emma as you watched Mikey play with her daughter.
“14 months,” Emma grinned. “She’ll turn 2 next October.”
“She’s really growing fast, hm?” You giggled, causing Emma to do the same and nod in agreement.
“She is. She takes after her father in that regard.” She reached for her mug of hot chocolate that rested on the coffee table. “It wouldn’t surprise me if she was 5 feet tall by the age of 6.” She laughed more, and you did the same.
“What’re you girls giggling about?” Shinchiro asked as he walked into the room.
“Your brother-in-law.” Emma said. “And how his daughter will maybe one day surpass him.”
“She better not soon, that’s all I’m saying.” Draken said as he followed Shinchiro into the room before walking over to Emma and handing her a plate of sweets she had asked him for only a few minutes ago.
“You never know, babe. She might be taller than you one day.” She giggled, taking a bite out of one of the oreo balls you made and hummed in delight. “y/n you made these right? They’re delicious!”
“Yes, I did.” You grinned. “Thank you, I’m glad you like them.”
“Don’t eat all of them, Emma.” Mikey said as he set his niece in his lap so that she faced everyone else in the room along with him. “We have to make sure we leave some of the baked goods for Santa.”
“I won’t eat all of them!” Emma pouted. “Besides, with everyone giving Santa sweets, I doubt he’ll eat everything that we give him.”
“You never know!”
You sighed. “Babe, you do know that-”
“y/n!” Shinchiro cut you off, walking over and taking you by the hand. “Can you help me bring the drinks out to everyone else?” He asked, already helping you stand and leading you to the kitchen.
“Shin,” you said quietly, already knowing where this was going. You shook your head as he finally let you go and began to fix everyone else their beverage of choice. “It’s either now or you give him santa presents until you die and he realizes it on his own in the worst way possible.”
“I know, I just..” Shinchiro trailed off, unsure. “I know that he gets upset easily over things he deeply cares about, and I hate to see him that way.”
“I do too, but he’s still a grown man. He’ll get over it eventually.”
Shinchiro sighed. “I just don’t know how to tell him the news.”
“Then why don’t I help you? We all can.” You suggested.
“What do you suggest?”
“I have an idea,” you smiled. “Just leave it to me.”
Once you and Shinchiro finished making drinks, you brought them out to everyone. You then took Mikey’s hand, gently tugging on it. “Babe, can you help me pick out some sweets for us to snack on throughout the night?”
“Sure, babe.” He said, handing the baby to Draken before standing and following you to the kitchen. “Why do you want my help, y/n? You know what I enjoy.”
“I know,” you said, grabbing a plate. “But I wanted to ask so that we could save the best cookies for Santa later tonight.”
“You’re so smart, babe!” Mikey grinned, hugging you. You laughed, swearing that you could see stars in his eyes.
“Yeah, I know I’m pretty great.” You giggled, pulling away from him so you could pick out some of the cookies. A moment later, you spoke up again. “Do you ever wonder why Santa never eats all the cookies we lay out for him? And how one always seems to be only partially eaten?”
There was a pause of silence from Mikey, making you hope that the gears were turning in his head. “Well, there’s only so much time he can spend at each house, right?”
“Yes, but it’s the same every year, is it not?”
“y/n,” Mikey said, taking the plate out of your hands and setting it down on the table. “Are you trying to convince me that Santa isn’t real?”
“...what if I was?” You asked, hesitantly for his reaction.
“I’d tell you that I already knew that.”
“Wait, what?!” You said. “Then what about-”
“How I was acting?” He finished for you, laughing. “I’ve been messing with them all these years so I could get more presents.”
You eyed him, unsure whether or not to laugh, be annoyed, or impressed. “Wait, so you’ve been gaslighting your family just for the sake of getting more presents every year?”
“Well, that’s how it started at first.” Mikey admitted. “But then I kept up the act, because embracing your inner child every now and then can be almost… therapeutic in a way.”
“Your inner child?” You repeated, thinking to yourself. “I never thought about it that way. But,” you added, “you should at least tell your family that you know Santa isn’t real. It isn’t nice to keep up the act that they genuinely believe that you believe. They care about you alot, you know?”
Mikey sighed. “I know, but this has been my way to celebrate the holidays. Sure Shin is single and may never get married, but Emma and Draken are happy with their family and I don’t have much to look forward to this time of year.”
You took hold of his hands, smiling. “Well, this year you have me. And that means that we can do fun, childish things together and still have fun, without lying to your family of course.” You laughed. “Can we not?”
Mikey smiled at your words, squeezing your hands. “Yeah, you’re right.” He gave you a quick kiss. “In that case, what should we do?”
The next morning, at the hour of 7am, you and Mikey woke up giggling like children as you snuck your way into Shinchiro’s room.
“Ready?” Mikey whispered, and you nodded before following him inside.
Shinchiro slept soundly, part of you feeling bad for making him wake up but another part of you felt giddy for getting to do something you haven’t done yourself in so long.
“Wake up, Shin! It’s time to open presents!” Mikey grinned, laughing as he shook his older brother awake. “C’mon, wake up Shin!”
Shinchiro groaned, turning to lay on his side so that his back was facing his younger brother. “Mikey, let me sleep in for another hour. Please.”
You giggled, moving to sit and bounce on the bed. “Nope! It’s time for breakfast and presents, Shin!”
“Wait, y/n?” Shinchiro groaned softly, sitting up with a confused yet sleepy gaze in his eyes. “What’re you doing?”
“Celebrating the holiday. What’s it look like?” You giggled. “Now come on! I’ll help you cook breakfast while Mikey sorts everyone’s gifts.”
With that, you and Mikey left the room, still laughing to yourselves. Shinchiro sighed, sitting up and getting out of bed to head to the kitchen.
“What’s going on?” Emma yawned as she walked out of the guest room and over to Shinchiro as he too left his room.
“Mikey and y/n just woke me up.” He said. “But it was different.”
“Because y/n joined in his antics?”
“No,” he shook his head. “Mikey didn’t bring up Santa.”
“Wait, did y/n get through to him?” Emma asked, relief washing through her.
“Seems like it.” Shinchiro said, just as relieved. He then headed to the kitchen, only to stop when he saw you and Mikey sitting by the tree and gifts that lay underneath. He couldn’t help but think back to when he was younger and sleepily walked out of his room to see Mikey cheering over how many presents he got. While Mikey had kept that act up in one way or another over the years, he had never seen him happier on this annual morning than he did when he saw you indulging in Mikey’s antics.
Maybe embracing that side wasn’t so bad after all; well, at least up until the point where you made Mikey tell his family how he knew the truth about Santa Claus.
Pls comment or send an ask if you would like to be tagged in any of the Twelve Days of Toman fics :)
© copyright leiasfanaccount648 2022
#Twelve Days of Toman#tokyo revengers fanfiction#tokyo revengers mikey#mikey x reader#manjiro x reader#tokyo revengers manjiro#tokyo revengers imagines#tokyo revengers headcanons#manjiro sano fanfiction#manjiro sano x reader#manjiro mikey sano#manjiro mikey sano x reader#manjiro sano imagines#manjiro sano headcanons#.my writing#.my work#.my post
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Sevens (crack) Christmas special
During October, I wrote a round plan of a Sevens Christmas that takes place in between the timeskip (one year in, we’re 12 now)
I wanted to clean it up and post it for you all here! Be warned, this is very much a crack fic taken seriously and still in a planning format (and not beta read like everything I post)
I’ll draw for this later btw because the mental ideas are to funny not to
It’s Christmas Eve and Luke makes a Christmas wish for Yuga to come back after a year of tears and nothingness
It’s Christmas Day and the top story in the news is that Goha changed Christmas to Gohamas, meaning his Christmas wish meant nothing because Christmas isn’t a thing anymore
Luke, believing in the power of Christmas, gets his friends (the main seven minus Yuga) to help him change it back
They want to help because they also had Christmas wishes that now mean nothing
Romin wished to go see Princess G live on her Holiday tour and nobody can drive her (she asked Mimi but she wanted to have her off days spent to bond with her son)
Gakuto wished to have his family support his new Sogetsu style when he goes to his clan for Christmas and tells them about Gakuting
Roa wished to have Getta and Ushiro to stop being mad at nothing so they can just celebrate together
Nail wished for his job back at Goha, thinking that he could help improve the city.
Asana wished for R6 to have the best parts, letting her newly-unbankrupt company have a smooth reopening
They each meet with a Goha to help them with their problems and to explain Christmas to. (I’d be surprised if the Gohas knew what Christmas was)
Yuro helps Romin by giving her a ride while both talk about how both aren’t really used to the world (Romin didn’t do anything in the kitchen until she was 11 while sometimes acting overall naive of the world and Yuro lived in space)
Yuga helps Gakuto by explaining that even if you’ve done something considered but to them, family will still be there for you, no matter what Yuga happens to know a bout about being bad to the family and still getting loved, perfect.
Yuran helps Roa by observing and explaining how Roa hurt them. Yuran is a very blunt person, so Roa is in a predicament very hard to get out of. Due to Yuran’s bluntness, Roa can’t help but realize that he needs to apologize very quickly
Yujin helps Nail by getting Nail the job, but also have Nail realize that to have a job that requires communication even with proper like Yujin that he finds too loud and excited that he needs to prepare himself for whatever this new job throws at him, providence and Sebastian along him.
Yuka helps Asana by getting the new parts while getting each other to bond about their company/corporation. During this Yuka also recognizes how Goha should really help with the Mutsuba Company and being the source of ruining them. (Also the girls stop wanting to bicker the entire conversation)
But Luke waits because, after hearing that Yuo did this, also learns that Yuo is in the North fucking Pole talking over the contract with Santa once more (Yuo really just thought Christmas was a small enough holiday to just replace the name of and not tell his siblings about)
When Yuo comes back with Santa, Luke immediately gets on his ass about it and, to get rid of the contract Yuo just so happens to have in his hand, eats the contract
Santa starts being uncharacteristically angry and, after convincing Yuo of the odd anger, he (after a long Scooby-doo like chase) accidentally takes off the mask of Santa Claus, revealing (Gasp!) Nanaho!
Nanaho explain her motive of just wanting to cause chaos and that “Santa isn’t even real! Did you idiot really think he was lmao!”
After it’s revealed that Santa isn’t real and couldn’t sign the contract, Yuo sadly removes Gohamas from everything.
He’s still pissed of at Luke for stealing and eating the contract though, and bitches to Luke about it until Luke explains himself
He tells Yuo that he just thought that maybe, if he could make his wish for Yuga count, that he has a chance of coming true and how Yuga is always above the consequences of eating a legal document
Yuo then quietly kicks Luke out of the office, going back home with his siblings, and, after having a small Christmas, goes to his room, looking at a certain friend before boxxing it up and sending it by drone to somebody
Luke has Christmas with his family normally until he sees a package at the door. He opens it to find YUGA! wait, it’s the puppet. Live sized near carbon copy of Luke’s best friend forever.
I guess he did get Yuga after all?
It cuts to Yuga. It’s Go Rush, he’s in his lab, and wishes each and every individual friend a merry Christmas and happy holidays
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Santa Baby
ao3 // normal masterlist // christmas masterlist
*Summary: The Nice Guys Agency was on the case again. This time to get a lead, Healy dresses up like Santa Claus. Hijinks ensue for him
*Rating: T for Teen
*Content/Tags: Crack, General Holland Mischief
*Status: Drabble/Complete
“You look fine. No one’s gonna know.” Holland said, waving his hands around
“I look like an idiot, March.” Healy gave his partner a look. ‘If this wasn’t for an investigation, I’d kill you’, that kind of look
“You just look like a normal mall Santa Claus.” Holland lit up a cigarette, leaning against the tiled wall, “Now let’s go before we lose track of our lead.”
“March I swear… fine. But isn’t going to look a little fucking weird if I’m dressed up like Santa and walking around the place, and you’re dressed like it’s just another fucking day in LA?”
“Yeah.” Holland shrugged a little bit, “But I didn’t bring anything else.”
“Fuck. You.”
---
“Here. This way, Santa.”
“You’re on real fucking thin ice.” Healy muttered under his breath
“Now that’s no way to talk. What if a child heard you?”
“Then I would apologize. You? I care less about.”
“There you are! About time you got back from lunch.” One of Santa’s elves came and pushed Healy away from Holland
“Shit.” Holland said between gritted teeth. “Healy,” every call for his partner getting more frantic and desperate.
“I think you got me confused.” Healy tried to tell the worker
“Listen I’ve got 50 screaming brats wondering where the hell Santa went, now get your ass back over there.” The worker looked into Healy’s eyes without a shred of compassion
“Okay. Fine.” Healy sighed and followed the worker. The kids screamed at the sight of Healy pretending to be Santa. He sat in the big chair and waited for the first kid to get through the line. A little girl practically hopped into his lap and started listing off all the gifts she wanted.
“You promise I’ll get everything?”
“Uh…” Healy darted his eyes back and forth, “I promise to try?”
“Okay, thank you Santa!” She smiled and hugged him before the two posed for a picture. Then they paraded the next kid in, and the next one. Healy didn’t ever want to hear the words jack in a box or raggedy ann again in his life. The next person walked in and Healy nearly lost it in that instant.
“March what the fu…”
“Fudge! We love fudge here at the North Pole!” One of the workers tried to cover up Healy’s swear
“What do you want,” Every word of Healy’s was punctuated by the air sucked in between his teeth
“Well,” Holland starts to say before sitting on Healy’s lap. They both realize as he makes contact that Holland has a bulge in his pants
“What the fu…dge. I swear to… Mrs. Claus.”
“All I want for Christmas… is to spend the day with my partner and daughter.”
“That sounds really nice for your partner and your daughter.” Healy replied
“Thanks Santa.” He hugged the other man as the camera flashed. They guided Holland out and towards the table where he could buy prints of the photos. Healy’s eyes followed after Holland for a while until they sat the next kid down on his lap. A boy, who clearly didn’t want to meet Santa. Healy tried to laugh, but that only seemed to bother the kid more. So much so that Healy felt a warmth spread across his leg and he lifted the kid up. The mom took her son into her arms and scolded him quietly, before turning to apologize to Healy.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Matthew, apologize to Santa.”
“Sorry.” The kid mumbled
“It’s fine.” Healy sighed and got up, “I need to clean up.”
“Okay. Five minutes.” The cameraman tells Healy. Healy gets up and walks away from the set. He gets around the corner where Holland laid in wait.
“Jesus. Fucking scaring me March.”
“Thought you’d want your clothes back.” Holland lifted a stack up into the air, which Healy yanked from his grip quickly. He went to the bathroom and shoved the Santa costume into the trash on his way out. Holland dangled something in Healy’s face and Healy squinted to look at it
“March. What the fuck is this?”
“Our picture. Something for Holly.”
“I swear to god March, you better sleep with one eye open from now on.”
“It’s not that bad, you’re even smiling!” Holland smiled, definitely not helping his case
“Give that to me.” Healy tried to wrestle the stupid picture out of Holland’s grasp
#my writing#my fic#fanfiction#fanfic#holland march#jackson healy#the nice guys#healland#healy x march#jackson healy x holland march#the nice guys 2016#ryan gosling character#12 days of Goosemas
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Holi-day two; Dear Mr. Claus,
Day two of our holidays! Mind you, Santa is mentioned in here so it is not as neutral as it possibly could be :)
Pairing: PLATONIC Lester, Lityerses, Meg, Will and Nico x gn!reader
Warnings: None!
Word count: ~800
- Asnyox
<- prev - mlist - next ->
In the end, to surprise of most of the campers, the Hermes cabin won! The managed to get an impressive number of light-up statues standing, and somehow, they got permission from the dryads to carefully decorate the entire woods. Besides earning bragging rights and a break from camp duties, they were also allowed to pick the next days holiday activity, within reason of course.
Right before lunch, Lester arrived at camp together with Lityerses and Meg. You had been aware that he wanted to visit, however you hadn’t known when. So, when he pulled you towards the Apollo cabin table during lunch you weakly tried to complain.
“I promised Hazel that-“
“Nope, we are here now, Hazel can wait.” Apollo smiled, as he forced you to sit down.
So, as you sat between Lester and Kayla during lunch, Connor stepped forward to announce today’s activity.
“Dear gentle people, we as humble winners of the cabin decorating competition,” both loud booing and applause were heard from the audience, “After an intense debate, the Hermes cabin decided the recognize one of our members tremendous efforts in getting us this win. Everyone, give it up for Klaus!”
This time there was no booing as people applauded. The elf eared individual waved awkwardly with as he smiled at the praise.
“Now, this is why Klaus has come up with the next activity,” Connor continued when the applause died down, “Which will be, drums please…” Connor paused, as you could here the Hermes cabin drumming on their table, “Writing letters to Santa!”
As the campers around you made loud sounds of confusion, one voice across from you stood out the most, as Lityerses asked to no one in particular.
“Who is Santa?”
───────────
After a while, the writing utensils were distributed to each table. Nico had sat down next to Will after Conner’s speech, and Meg moved away from the Demeter table in order to join Lester in this endeavour. You might think that it was to have fun together, however she more so seemed delighted at Apollo’s suffering.
“Why are we even writing these letters? Santa isn’t real.” Lester grumbled and you gasped.
“You can’t say that in front of the children!” You hit Lester on his head, and he let out a small ow. Meg rolled her eyes at your comment, as she was the youngest, yet knew that Santa did not exist.
“Wait,” Nico looked up from his writing, “Santa doesn’t exist?” If your eyes weren’t betraying you, you could see some hurt on Nico’s face, hidden behind the indifference that he normally wore.
“You didn’t know?” Apollo gapes at Nico. Nico shrugged, looking down to continue his letter.
“I found out about his existence mere weeks before finding out that the gods are real,” Nico explained, “It only made sense that the guy is real then, right? I mean, someone here never corrected me.” Venom was in Nico’s tone. Will carefully rubbed Nico’s back.
“I’m sorry sunshine,” Will apologized, “You seemed so excited about Santa.” Nico simply grunted in response, still vigorously working on his letter, trying to ignore the disappointment that he felt.
“Why wouldn’t he be excited anymore?” Klaus popped up behind you. You could see Percy’s head perk up from the table next to yours, only noticing because he quickly turned around and stared intensely at Klaus, who now had put a hand on your shoulder. Lityerses, who had barely written down anything, nor had spoken after his prior question, broke his silence.
“Lester said Santa isn’t real, Nico didn’t know, and no one explained who Santa is to me.” Lityerses’ face was full of confusion, “Please, do I write this letter or not? What does this guy even do? Why does he care about me?” his voice cracked a little at the end of the sentence.
“Oh, dear Lityerses, Santa is a jolly person who gifts presents to those who have been kind during the year! Do write the letters, I love reading letters-“ Klaus coughed, “and Santa surely loves to do so too!”
Klaus stepped away from you, and walked towards Apollo, putting both his hands on Apollo’s shoulders, and positioning his face next to Apollo’s ear.
“And Lester, dear, lying is not a kind thing to do,” you saw Lester gulp as Klaus spoke softly, “so you better make up with a kind act or who knows what Santa might do.” Apollo quickly nodded in response; Klaus smiled.
“Great! Be sure to finish your letters before dinner!” he jollily walked away. You laughed at the horrified face Lester was making, and as you once again looked at Percy, he seemed to be having the same scared expression.
#request#requests#holidays#xmas 2022#xreader#readerinsert#lester papadopoulos#Nico di Angelo#Will solace#platonic#lityerses#meg#gn!reader#pjo x reader#cabinofimagines#admin asja#asja writes#admin asnyox
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Grubba Gang Sentence Starters
aka shit my discord squad has said.
Periodically updated.
Mostly crack + NSFT.
“STOP BEING HORNY!”
“I’M NOT BEING HORNY STOP GASLIGHTING ME!”
“Santa isn’t real and Jesus never happened.”
“CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE BABY WE’RE GOING TO YANDERE DIVORCE COURT.”
“I’ll be having evil intercourse.”
“I prostate myself jingling miserably on the floor for nothing.”
“God I would stab a man for a dorito.”
“How many people have you put in Jigsaw traps? I’m not a cop by the way.”
“Wish my mans would call me Slupert Doobert.”
“THANKS! I’M GOING TO SMITE YOU FOR YOUR HUBRIS NOW!”
“Shut the fuck up none of you can truly understand barbie horse adventures mystery ride.”
“Bold of you to presume we talk about anything except getting nut in here.”
“ALL I WANTED WAS TO GET RAWED ON THE FIRST DATE AND YOU SAID NO LIKE SOME FUCKING GENTLEMAN-”
“My vore gets me bitches.”
“ [Name] we’re gonna watch the barbie movies and im gonna sell my nudes.”
“I don’t know about you but Santa Claus could SMASH.”
“Just kidding. I want to pull you apart like a twizzler.”
“Sometimes I crave that real flesh.”
“One minute you’re talking about nutting the next you’re talking about when you were 6 year olds and first learned the feeling of betrayal.”
“Gnomes WILL be held accountable for their crimes.”
“ Tsk. No cloaca. No meaning.”
“Are you gonna eat your girls pussy like some sort of democrat, or vore her like a man?”
“ I am the clown that entertains this nuclear wasteland of comedy.”
“Are you thinking about the gnome party?”
“[NAME] if there’s ONE thing i know about you it’s that you don’t wear pants unless absolutely necessary.”
“Damn. It was never as easy as blues clues made it seem!”
“I’m going to fucking cain and abel you.”
“IM REQUIRED BY LAW TO SUCK HIS DICK NOW-”
“Your ass is grass and I’m an ape.”
“Hey anyone wanna fuck.”
“Not to flex on you but im something of a manlet.”
“I’m on a sexual clown journey.”
“Post the image, you stupid fruit.”
“God I gotta say I do love being me sometimes? Because I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”
“It’ll be fine. Ain’t you ever seen Hamilton?”
“Can we stop talking about my asshole?”
“It has been 2 days since our last slur.” / “it’s been 0 days since our last slur.”
“I’m ‘bout to be real with you, chief, I’m bout to bust them fucking kneecaps.”
“Will my life ever know peace?”
“Let’s just say if I had to see [NAME] in a police line up, well, I hope they can’t see through the mirror.”
“Let’s just say if I had to see Mr. Blobby in a police line up, well, I hope they can’t see through the mirror.”
“What the absolute FUCK have I walked into.”
“[NAME] comes within five feet of my pussy and I have to beat them away with a pool noodle.”
“I want cock. Now.”
“Shut the fuck up [NAME] there’s girls here!”
“IS [NAME] IN HEAT?”
“WE’VE BEEN ARGUING OVER [NAME]’S FEET FOR THREE DAYS.”
“Yes, love of my life? My Pizza Hut pan pizza? My 2 for 4 deal?“
“I’m probably gonna get hate for this, but, [NAME] is an absolute snacc.”
“You’re right. You are going to get hate.”
“For the love of God shut the fuck up.”
“In the past 24 hours you have said several horrible things to me.”
“I also want to see fat demon cock.”
“Gra ta ta swag bitch.”
“I’M HERE TO GET SEXUAL.”
“Please don’t call [NAME] sexy ever again.”
“Shut up, fruit.”
“GOD IS MY BITCH AND HE SUCKED MY DICK BEHIND A 7/11.”
“[NAME] I love you but what are you doing man?”
“Eat or I’ll send Steve Harvey after you.”
“I wanna be rammed so hard my anal cavity prolapses.”
“[NAME] if it was life or death would you yank the dildo outta my ass?”
“What’s the lore behind a dildo being in your ass and someone will die of circumstances because of it?”
“ NO!! THE POPE CANT BE HORNY!!”
“Don’t get me wrong, Lola bunny could take a jack hammer to my nuts and I’d thank her, but she also is the best basketball player ever.”
“[NAME]’s exquisite boobs will not protect him from feral [NAME] and that is a promise!”
“whats a little cum inflation among friends”
“On fridays we gaslight our white boys for enrichment.”
“Ain’t that the shit the lucky charms dude says? If you wanna find the fruit you gotta suck-o me nut? …or maybe thats fruit loops.“
"He’s shown feet, the next logical step is ass"
“[NAME] I got money on you crying right now. Not to freak you out, but -”
“I have RED VELVET in my BIG ASS TITTIES”
"Give this child a prison uniform I’m tired of him."
"Theres only so much i can do to stop white people"
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT SQUIRTING [NAME]”
"I LOVE ARGUING WITH MEN OVER THE INTERNET. MY PORES ARE CLEAR."
“I died in a tragic lip gloss accident and only by the grace of god do i live on.”
“You will never match his swag.”
“Hannibal is always based?”
“You know who else eats people? Christians. Grow up.”
“He’s gender-nonconforming as fuck with those eyelashses"
“I just fucked yo’ bitch in my Gucci clown drip.”
“She is to marry what we in the business call a little fucking freak.”
“TRY GETTING A JOB AT SCOOPS AHOY NOW YOU LITTLE FUCKING BASTARD!”
“The goal of art is to piss off as many people as possible.”
“I don’t know why I do the things I do, [NAME].”
"YOU HAVE THE GALL. TO COMPARE BEETHOVEN TO THE FUCKING BEATLES?!?"
“ I got heckled to sing Rainbow Connection."
“Do I make you horny, baby?”
“ WOW I GET IT! YOU’RE A WHORE I SEE NOW!”
“Wow, he looks like shit. I could suck him silly.”
“I could suck him silly.”
“Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry.”
"I could change jfk… WAIT AM I MARILYN MONROE?"
“Im so used to jumping in front of the gun that i didn’t realize the gun wasn’t loaded.”
“ this guy is like PG13 Hannibal. “
“you met me at a very frank floppa time in my life.”
"To put it simply you are the cave full of bluntsmoken and the world is your little german boy OoOO"
"I WANT YOUR GODDAMN SLOPPY JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE” -
“oh do not call him that ill cum on the spot”
“FUCK OFF. YOU’RE SICK.”
“NO ONE EMBARASS ME IN FRONT OF THE DOG!!”
“I don’t know why I do the things I do, [NAME].”
“well that was nice im gonna go walk some more until i die now"
"Love will always triumph."
”[NAME] BECAME ALLOSEXUAL FOR VENOM, WHY CAN’T YOU?“
”[NAME] BECAME ALLOSEXUAL FOR [NAME], WHY CAN’T YOU?“
"the fist of ‘87 thats what they call me.”
“the WORST SEX youve ever seen”
“My god i would shampoo his ball hair with my saliva …”
“ALL I HAD WAS LACTATION!"
“I’m Catholic so of course I rejected help, but and however…“
"i am a feminist and a woman-lover but first and foremost i am a hater"
"i love women but some of these bitches are boring-"
“I FAILED AT BECOMING RACIST.”
"YOURE NOT VAN GOGH BITCH!!!!"
“ i need cocaine ................. “
"........What Are We DOING?"
"If you were a pickle I'd eat you but i'd still love you”
“YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES YOU OBSESS OVER BOYS WELL MY MENTAL ILLNESS MAKES ME OBSESS OVER YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS.”
“bigfoot is sexy, [NAME]”
“you know what?? friendship IS magic.”
"i would suck off any of my friends"
“when gods choir sings, will bigfoot not be among them?”
“Call [NAME] a wedding cake the way im paying women to sit on him.”
“I WAS CHURNING THY BUTTER.”
“Hon hon baguette go to hell.”
“Avert thine lustful eyes away from my daughter, fiend.”
"AS A SOCIETY we should be making sure that women do not do be dying!!!"
“How many innuendos can we make in 3 minutes?”
“Yeah, no, I’m not in the habit of dropping slurs casually. I do it competitively.”
“She’s cute! Can’t wait to watch her get spitroasted.”
“We serve cunt here, sir.”
“Bitch I don’t like milk. Its White. Its NASTY—”
“I’m not going to suck him silly. This is serious to me.”
"if [NAME] looked like a drowned rat they wouldnt get nearly as much love.”
“Yes girl we explore Jesus.”
“i work in the tuberculosis ward, and I do occasionally peak into the polio ward but I won't go into the small pox ward ykwim”
“i hate penis when it’s normal you know what i mean”
“WHO THE FUCK HATED ON MY AUTISTIC SHAWTY”
“You’re afraid of unsalted nut but allow white penis into your body”
“I’m doing research on the clitoris”
"He has the gentle eyes of a baby cow and the face of bacon and he's my BEST FRIEND. "
#roleplay memes#inbox memes#sentence starters#rp prompts#inbox prompts#decided 2 take this off one of my rp blogs n put it here 2 be more easily accessible and not#clog my blog's notifs w this every time#POAKSDJF#candyredtext
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[ LUXIEM 1ST ANNIVERSARY ] PART 2
In honor of Luxiem’s first anniversary, this is a sentence starter from this Vox Akuma VOD where they reminisce about old phrases they all have said in a game format. I’m taking both the phrases discussed specifically as well as other funny quips said during the stream. Content warning for mild language. Feel free to change pronouns if necessary.
“He’s preparing a feast for the eyes.”
“I just honk–”
“I turn into xQc when I’m drunk…”
“I just want a tiebreaker.”
“Farting in the Houses of Parliament should be allowed.”
“I’ve never heard this person say it but I know who it is.”
“I need to mega brain this.”
“I wanna give him an extra point just for that!!”
“He got style points.”
“Get in that chair, boy. I’m gonna start twerking.”
“It is a collab.”
“I’M TAKING THE BAIT!!!”
“All of the wise cracks and everything, [name] is giving us none of that because his raw concentration goes into his art.”
“Some letters are just impossible to draw with a mouse.”
“I keep on getting jebaited.”
“Half a sus.”
“Man, I hate being the host. I can’t draw amoguses.”
“Maybe I’ll treat you like my homework, slam you on the desk and do you all night.”
“How do you keep coming up with thess elaborate art pieces??”
“I think he’d make a great fun uncle one day.”
“Everyone knows about this. I regret it. I blame Hetalia and Tumblr. Let’s move on.”
“You may not repent for your sins. The internet is forever.”
“I definitely didn’t come up with this.”
“The slow fade in… Of the monkey…”
“I’m just a stupid boy and I’m learning.”
“I need the originator.”
“I don’t know if [name] is thinking or drawing or both at the same time.”
“I love that this implies he can’t do both.”
“He’s commissioning somebody to draw this for him.”
“There’s no way I could come up with something that hilarious on the fly.”
“Much to my dismay, I am cockless.”
“I had to restart my whole canvas. It was lagging.”
“This man is acting as though paint has layers.”
“This man needs to put his ambitions aside for the good of the game.”
“Oh yes, papi, skin me!”
“What does papi even mean??”
“It’s their equivalent of the word Daddy.”
“If this is me, I’m going to eat my own toes.”
“We pronounce it in the most dumb way you can imagine.”
“I reverted back to… My mind.”
“We gotta express ourselves through paint.”
“What we’re witnessing right now is [name]’s schizophrenia zone.”
“Wait— This is not what the Tactical Nuke icon looks like.”
“Is that a chair or is that a toilet??”
“If Santa isn’t real, who fucked my wife??”
“Aren’t you scared of some guy coming in your house??”
“No, because he was getting me a Nintendo.”
“He never gave me a loving family.”
“Do you need to have a conversation with somebody?? Are you ok??”
“I keep screaming but God won’t answer.”
“This sounds like Grade A dodging the question.”
“I mean, no one dodges better than [name].”
“I gotta fix my work real quick.”
“I literally found out recently why you can’t see Santa Claus.”
“He knows when you’re awake.”
“Is that your thought process??”
“Booba booba booba.”
“He’s forgetting his own history.”
“Burning hotter than YOUR MOM.”
“Is this a bait??”
“It’s always guys from Birmingham.”
“He’s very delicately flicking [name]’s hair.”
“It makes sense number-wise but in practicality not so much.”
“I mate sometimes. I’ll mate you.”
“OOOOOOH I thought it was talking about chess.”
“I’VE NEVER SEEN IT IN ENGLISH.”
“Lick me and let me explode inside your mouth.”
“I panicked and I gave you guys the answer.”
“READING A LINE FROM A GAME ISN’T MY QUOTE.”
“My people have a saying… Live laugh love.”
“Live laugh ligma.”
“You’re not doing the Krabby Patty thing.”
“WE’RE FROZEN!! THEY CAN’T SEE HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM!!”
“I’m so glad that I destroyed [name]’s mood.”
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❆ ₊ ⊹ 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀’𝐒 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐒 — 𝐆. 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 ⊹₊ ❆
you were starting to get anxious now.
another tick of the clock, another glance at your watch only served to remind you of how late gojo was and how much blood you were going to drain out of his body once you caught the twerp.
christmas was supposed to be fun, filled with decorating your lovely home, baking treats that you knew your family was going to steal for themselves and excitement buzzing around the house over wrapping and gifting presents.
but all that had gone out the window after last night when an idiotic declaration was made from your husband about how ‘santa isn’t real’, and your girls, grief stricken, had kicked their sperm donor out of the house.
of course, it didn’t help that your family had inherited the traits of shakespeare’s characters.
gojo hadn’t returned home from that night, very boldly ignoring your calls and messages to think of ways to grovel.
a loud boom of “ho, ho, ho!” from the living room breaks your thoughts.
your girls pause, turning to stare at each other wide eyed.
“is that—”
“it has to be!”
their spoons clatter onto the plates as they dash out of the kitchen, leaving you trailing after them wearily.
“santa!” they squeal upon spotting the red figure, tackling him to the ground.
you have to admit you’re impressed with the effort gojo put in for his role. he dons the iconic red costume with a white beard, adding his own special touch with his sunglasses and looking every bit like the clown he is.
“calm down, girls. we can’t be attacking old men like that.”
satoru stumbles up, shoving fluff (which, you assumed he had gotten from disembowelling your daughters’ stuffed animals that he stole) back into his inflated tummy, “your mother’s right. i may still be hot but that doesn’t mean my joints aren’t cracking.”
your daughters ignore him, “santa, i thought you were going to come down the chimney.”
“yeah, no offence, but it was very anti-climatic.”
“anti-climactic,” you correct, smiling at satoru’s offended expression. he puffs his chest out, “my hippopotamuses wouldn’t fit through the chimney.”
“hippopotamus? do you mean your reindeers?”
reindeers? they sure as hell looked like hippopotamuses based on your younger daughter’s drawing.
she climbs onto gojo’s shoulder, grinning at him with a chipped tooth, “y’know, my daddy said that you aren’t real but he’s wrong! you are real!”
“oh yeah?” gojo mirrors her grin, pinching her cheek. “he sounds like a prick. let me fight him.”
“he isn’t here. mommy says we disowned him.” she shrugs, oblivious to satoru’s horror as she jumps down and joins her sister in looting santa’s sack.
“there’s nothing in here! just fluff!” yumi exclaims, half her body shoved into the bag.
“i think what santa is trying to say is that the real present is you meeting him.” you quip in, smiling.
the two stare at him, aghast.
before they could start pointing fingers and calling him a narcissist, gojo stutters, “of course, i have a gift for you adorable girls. how could i not?” he clears his throat, ruffling through his pockets and pulling out a piece of paper. “um, what do you call santa claus when he stops moving?”
your daughters share a look before shrugging, “what?”
“santa pause.”
they stare at him unimpressed. you don’t blame them.
“wait, wait! i have a good one. what kind of money do elves use?”
silence greets him.
“jingle bills.” he snickers. “can’t believe i wrote these.”
“can we just get the presents?” yumi deadpans.
gojo pouts, eyes straying to you. you shrug, as if to say these are your kids. satoru sighs heavily, “fine. let me go get your present.”
you briefly wonder if he plans on giving them his credit card when he goes to your bedroom. shuffling sounds through the closed door before satoru calls out, “come in!”
you follow your daughters into the bedroom, immediately spotting the giant gift box sitting in the middle of the room. there’s no doubt in your mind about what’s in it, if the messy wrapping was anything to go by.
“rock, paper, scissors on who opens it.” yumi whispers.
“i don’t wanna open it! santa seems weird.” your younger daughter hisses back.
they both turn to stare at you.
you sigh, pulling the large bow on it. as expected, the box topples over and satoru (now somewhat out of his costume) falls out, a demonic screech leaving his throat.
“surprise!” he yells, rubbing his sore back. you think he deserves it for giving such a lame gift (and unrecoverable second-hand embarrassment) for christmas.
your daughters don’t seem to, however, as they rush to their father, “papa! we met santa!”
he accepts them into his arms with a big grin, “did you now?”
while your girls ramble on about santa and his sheer audacity at not bringing them presents, you take a seat next to satoru.
“where’d the beard come from?” you ask, stroking his very real beard.
“santa’s gift. it’s a trend right now, haven’t you heard?”
“oh, really?” you can’t help how your lips curl upward, how they always do in satoru’s presence “speaking of, santa hasn’t brought me a gift this year. its very unfair.”
“maybe he’s saving something special for you in your bedroom,” he winks at you.
you slap his arm but he knows that sitting here, as his ears bleed from his girls’ blabbers and his shoulder is comforted with the weight of your head, there is no greater gift that santa or anybody else can give him and you.
“ow, ow, ow, careful! a jaw this handsome doesn’t come as often as six eyes.”
“what did you even use to stick it?” you grunt, ignoring gojo’s yelps as you pull at the fake beard.
he pauses, “the one on the top shelf. i think it was the orange one with the macho gorilla.”
your eyes widen, “you used gorilla glue?”
“satoru, i hope you said your goodbyes to flawless skin because you will not be seeing it again till the next lifetime.”
#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk gojo#christmas#im so sorry that your eyes had to witness this#its such a mess#idk what was going on in my brain when i wrote this but i bet its crack#vera’s.christmas.calender.🗓️
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elle I love you but reading jason/jesus in my notes made me choke hdjdjdk ill take ur essays anytime tho
it’s actually the hottest new thing since Goncharov everyone’s been talking about Jason Todd and Jesus Christ getting down and dirty.
but on the topic of the essay: the whole point of Batman is that he’s untouchable, right? he’s larger than life, he’s in every shadow and he sees your every move like a fucked up Santa Claus. and part of the point of Robin is to make that untouchable idol more accessible, more real to the people he protects, but Robin himself is still his own kind of lofty ideal. and then there’s Jason, who has gotham in his blood and his bones so deep down he can’t even pretend to hide it. like recognizes like, and the people of gotham recognize this Robin (the son of god made tangible!!!!). and it’s a lot to be a kid, to be vulnerable and know exactly how many people would take advantage of that, and see someone not much older than you who can and does fight back, who isn’t up on some unreachable pedestal but instead is just like you in a lot of ways. he’s just a kid too. he gets angry and he cracks jokes and he’s in this for YOU, for people just as vulnerable as you are. that’s not a kind of admiration or worship you grow out of; that’s the kind of love that shapes you as a person.
and I think Jason has a lot of incredibly complicated feelings about that period of his life; it’s when he was happiest in a lot of ways, and he hates that any part of him was ever that vulnerable or that open bc it makes it that much harder to close in and protect himself now. so I also think it would spark a lot of complicated emotions and surprise to realize how much love and connection he fostered as Robin, and the way it would’ve shaped Duke and Steph and Tim. they all feel it every time they get to actually work together and have a positive relationship, the fact that he was real and they looked up to him and now he’s here and they really can be on the same level as him. on a funnier note, they all Definitely think he’s cool as hell deep down and Jason for sure has no fucking clue. I think knowing would make Jason unspeakably proud in some ways and absolutely unmoor him in others, bc it means that he’s part of the reason these kids keep putting on the same costume that got him killed, that they’ve gotten involved in shit no kid should’ve ever gotten involved with. but it also means he succeeded in his actual goal in all of this; to make the people that gotham has hurt feel safe again, and to make them feel empowered within their own lives. and that would hit him right in his big bleeding heart, I think.
#batman#there’s. more thoughts. especially about the batkids growing up with him and the way he’ll always be tucked away in a corner of their heart#but to do them and Jason true justice I need more brain space and I’m both tired and still thinking about superboy lol#GOD. WHY DID DC HAVE TO ACTUALLY BE GOOD SOMETIMES.#jason todd#big beefy baby boy
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Happy holidays, Springfield!
A piece of Christmas/Hanukah-themed Simpsons fan-fiction by Oisin O’Reilly.
I do not own the Simpsons. All rights go to Matt Groening and the Fox network.
It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas at Springfield mall. There were lots of candy canes, toys in every store and the notorious crook named “Snake” was on his annual robbing spree, followed closely behind by Chief Wiggum and officer Lou. The mall at this time of year was full of all kinds of parents whose children had just finished their wish lists and Snake had a child of his own too. Meanwhile, old grandpa Simpson was wearing the special suit and sitting on the special chair of Santa Claus, with all the children queuing up to meet him. “let’s make this quick,” Said Nelson’s mother, “I have to get back to the stripper bar. That’s where I’m working.” Krusty the clown was just walking past this queue on his way to the bank machine when Nelson pointed at him and taunted, “Haw-haw, you don’t get to have Christmas!”. “Well, the jokes on you,” retorted Krusty,” you don’t get to have Hanukah! hoohoohoohahaha!”.
It turned out that the children had rather violent ideas about what they wanted for Christmas. Ralph wanted a toy pistol so could be like his daddy, who was police chief. Nelson wanted a BB-gun so he could put coins on the ground and when people bend over to pick them up, he’d shoot them up the bum and say “haw-haw!”. Milhouse explained that he came alone unaccompanied because both his parent’s lost custody and what he really wanted for Christmas was for them to get back together so they can be a family again, but a remote- control assault helicopter with ultra-realistic firing sound effects would also be pretty cool. All this was bringing the aged veteran back to his army days and he began another of his long-winded stories about World War 2, which he never finished because he always fell asleep just when things were starting to get interesting. Now, all the children were looking into each other’s faces and wondering two things, what to do when Santa Claus has fallen asleep and did Santa Claus really fight Nazi’s?
While he lay snoring, Snake ran behind him and got into the sleigh. “Haw, haw, so long suckers!”, Snake laughed smugly. These were real reindeer, not wooden props and as soon as they heard the whips crack, they leapt into action. Ralph and his mother also waved to daddy. “Hiya Ralphie”, said Chief Wiggum, “Well, dang, he got away, but we have caught another crook. You’re under arrest for impersonating Santa Claus! Take’em away, boys!”. The mall Santa had just woken up to find himself being strong-armed by the police. Seeing that his chances of escape were gone, he decided that if he couldn’t resist arrest, he could at least have a go at the police Chief’s mother. “hey, what the dickety?!”, he cried, “I didn’t do nothin’, your mother is a hoe-hoe-hoe!”. “Er.. chief?” asked officer Lou, “aren’t they all impersonators? Many men have been the Santa Claus.”. Chief Wiggum was shocked at this. “whaaat?! Are you telling me Santa Claus isn’t even a real person?” he gasped. Lou explained that it must have been his wife who left all those presents at his house each year.
Snake was now driving a deer-drawn sleigh haphazardly around a crowded shopping mall, but miraculously no-one was hurt. One very posh lady complained about how rude it was as it narrowly missed her. However, there seemed to be a curse on all teachers and staff from Springfield elementary, because they all got swept up by the Reindeer’s antler’s and hung by the scruff of the neck. “Schools out for Christmas and now this!”, cried the music teacher, who then produced a tiny fiddle and played a melancholy tune. “No-body knows the trouble I’ve been,” he sang, “no-body knows my sorrow.” “HA! As if we teachers ever get a break!”, scoffed Miss krabappel, who still went on smoking even while being hung from a Reindeer’s Antler’s. It seemed as though she could go on smoking even if she had fallen out of a boat. She would probably be just finishing her smoke by the time she was dragged out on the beach and resuscitated. “There are nine reindeer, which means eighteen antlers and thirty-six hooves, yet still only one red nose,” calculated Principal Skinner. “Och, how can ye be thinkin’ o’ math at a time like dis?” growled groundskeeper Willy.
Krusty was now finished at the bank machine and had begun his lonely way home. On the way, he saw the Christmas tree section, where homer was struggling with the newly selected tree. First, he shoved it in the back of the car saying, “Come on, fit in, will you?”, while marge and the kids were all inside, being squashed by the tree. “Way to go dad, you’ve made room for everything but yourself!”, said Bart. “Doh!” answered homer. “Hmmn, I think were supposed to strap it to the roof.” Said marge. Once the tree was strapped to the roof, homer got in the driver’s seat and the car got going. “Doh!”, he said again, when the tree flew off the front of the car, hitting another car and setting off its alarm. Krusty could see that this was going to take forever, but at least these gentile-folks had family. He made his way to his lonely apartment, up to his lonely master bedroom and sighed. It was his job as a children’s entertainer to be happy on the outside, while his adult life lay in tatter’s and he was a clown who had just realised that the joke was on him. It looked like he was going to spend this Hanukah just like he had spent every other Hanukah: alone. He did have a child of his own, a daughter named Sophie, but he also had an ex from special forces named Erin whose mission seemed to be to keep his daughter as far away from him as possible. His own father was a serious, self-respecting rabbi who was very disappointed in him for becoming a silly clown. He showered, climbed into bed and watched some news followed by some stand-up comedy on his bedroom Flat-screen before switching it off and drifting off to sleep.
That night, at the Burns mansion, C. Montgomery burns had just woken up in his four-poster bed from a particularly vivid dream and Smithers came to check on him. “Are you alright sir? Was it a nightmare?”, asked Smithers. “Not a nightmare per’se, but a very powerful vision.”, answered Mr. Burns. “I was visited by three spirits, I was shown my past, my present and one possible outcome for my future where no-one mourned my death and I saw so much wickedness. What made it so haunting is that it was all MY wickedness! Now, I want to change my ways!”. “Well sir, you can change if you have discipline.” Answered Smithers. “By the way, tell all my employee’s that yes, they can have Christmas off!”. “Will do, sir!” Answered Smithers.
The next morning, krusty lit a cigarette, went down to get his morning paper at the doorstep and was pleasantly surprised to meet his daughter right there at his front door. “They delivered me here, though I’ll probably only be here for this morning.”, she said, “well I didn’t want my pops to be alone on Hanukah and I got you a card, it says happy Hanukah!”. “Wow. my daughter remembered me on Hanukah and got me a card. That’s great.”, groaned krusty, not looking at all pleased that his daughter had remembered him on Hanukah and got him a card. He didn’t express it well, but he was sincerely overjoyed that he wasn’t doomed to spend Hanukah alone like he thought he was. However, he also regretted that he hadn’t gotten dressed into something more presentable before opening the front door. Now his daughter was seeing him smoking a cigarette while still in his underwear, slippers and dressing gown. “You know, for a clown, you don’t look very happy.”, commented Sophie. “Anyway, I really hope were seeing Grandpa, I’m looking forward to that.” Well, are coming inside?” asked Krusty. “Can I come in and make a phone-call?” asked Sophie, I want to talk to Grandpa!” “Sure, knock yourself out!” groaned krusty. Sophie ran to the phone and dialled for the rabbi. “Hey Grandpa, are you coming to dinner on Hanukah? Okay, that’s great!” she put down the phone. “Well,” she told krusty “he said he would like to come if there is a special dinner on Hanukah, provided there are no silly antics and nothing too clownish. Not sure what he means by that, though.” “Er… you do realise I’m a clown, right?” , Krusty pointed out sarcastically.
Meanwhile, Mr. burns and Smithers were going somewhere they had never been before: the Kwik-e-mart. Mr. Burns was actually shopping with commoner’s and he got talking to Milhouse’s mom. “Well why don’t you apologise first?” he suggested to her. “What, but clearly he’s the one who’s wrong.” Answered Milhouse’s mom. “Does it matter who’s wrong?” asked Mr. Burns, “what about all the good times you’ve had as a family?”. “You know, I never really thought about it that way.” She answered. After that, they went to Moe’s tavern, where Mr. Burns got talking to Milhouse’s Dad. “Why don’t you apologise first?” he asked him. “But clearly she’s the one being stupid.”, answered Milhouse’s Dad. “But wouldn’t you rather spend Christmas with all three of you than spend it alone, just because one of you is stupid?” said Mr. Burns. “That would make me the stupid one!” gasped Milhouse’s dad, “Thanks, I never thought of it like that before!”. “I must say wow, sir,” remarked smithers, “you really have changed!” “Ah yes, I’m really feeling the spirit of Christmas and boy was I fool for not seeing it earlier.” Mused Mr. Burns. “Seeing what earlier?” asked smithers. “Why, all that Christmas is about!” answered Mr. Burns, “It’s the season of giving, of peace on earth and goodwill to men, but you see, smithers, not everyone celebrates Christmas, some have other customs.” “Nothing wrong with that, sir.” Said smithers. “Oh no, of course not,” said Mr. Burns, “but whether its Christmas, Hannukah, or Ramadan, I want it to be the best it can be for whoever celebrates it!”. “Wow, am I dreaming?” asked Moe. “Where is the real Mr. Burns and what have you done with him?” shouted homer. “Well, er, we do have some residents in Springfield who are Jewish,” murmured smithers, “Would you like to invite them to a traditional Jewish dinner?”
When Homer got home and Marge heard what had been suggested at Moe’s tavern, she thought it was a great idea. “We can throw a surprise party for Krusty!”, she said. “But mom, what about Krustie’s ex?”, asked Lisa. “Good question”, answered Marge, I don’t know whether inviting his ex would be a good idea or a bad idea.” “Well, there is some hope they can settle it like adults.” Said Lisa. “We’ll have to make doubly sure she’s ready for that.” Said Marge. Meanwhile, Milhouse’s Mom and Milhouse’s Dad had had just turned up in front of each other on the snow-covered street, where all the streetlights were hung with mistletoe. “Hello, I’m sorry.” Said Milhouse’s Mom, her breath frosting as she sighed heavily and hung her head. “No, I’m sorry.” He answered. Their faces were close to each other now, under the mistletoe. “I was a jerk.”, he said. “Yeah, you were, but I shouldn’t have let your bad habits become my excuses.”, she said, “like they say in Japan, Gomen-nasai.” Their faces were even closer now, under the mistletoe and they kissed. “We haven’t kissed like that in a long time.”, She said. “That’s why we should never have split up.”, he said.
When Krusty came back to his apartment that day, he found it pitch black, when suddenly… “surpriiiiiise!!!!”, the lights turned on, the room filled with the noise of party-blowers and confetti went everywhere. “May I have your attention please!”, announced Lisa, as she tapped an empty Wine-Glass with a dinner-knife, “As Springfield’s youngest Buddhist and on behalf of my protestant family who aren’t really that religious, it is my great pleasure to wish you a very happy Hanukah and Mazel tov!” “Mazel tov!”, they all echoed in unison. The dinner-table was laid just like a traditional Hanukah feast and Homer was already helping himself to bits and pieces. “Hey Marge, we should do this more often!”, said Homer, “It’s a great way to get free dinners! Mmmn, caaaandlllles!” “Homer, he hasn’t said Jewish grace yet!”, snapped Marge. “
Wow, you’re all here!”, said Krusty, “The Simpsons, Mr. Burns and smithers, my Papa, my daughter and HOLY SCHNITZEL IT’S MY EX!!!”. “Oh, relax, I’m not going to ruin Hanukah just because I’m your ex.” Answered Erin. “Look, I know it’s kinda my fault you got discharged.”, said Krusty. “Well, no, you did what you believed was right.” Said Erin, “It may not have been what agreed with the army, but that’s not your fault. Splitting up might have been a good thing, because it gave me a chance to think, but now that I’ve thought long enough to realise that I was wrong to involve Sophie in any dispute between us and that there’s so much I’ve been holding onto that I needed to let go of, I think it’s time to get back together again.” “Well, I’ve had time to think too,” said krusty, “and I’ve decided that from now on I’m having no more one-night stands. Now, are we heading to the dinner table?” “Ah, but first, are you going to perform for us some delightful clown tricks?” suggested the rabbi. “But Papa, I thought you said you didn’t want any silly antic’s or anything too clownish.” Said Krusty. “Oh no, god gave us clowns so they could give us laughter,” argued the Rabbi, “just remember that there are times for solemnity as well.” Krusty rode around on his miniature bicycle, jumped onto the coffee table, rode from one end of the coffee table to the other and jumped off the other end, landing in a big “ta-daaahh!”, which was met with applause. “Great, now we can eat!”, said homer.
When they had all taken their seat’s and placed their napkin’s, krusty bowed his head, joined his hands together and began speaking solemnly in Hebrew. After that, they all began to dig in. “This is courtesy of Mr. Burns and Smithers, who did most of the cooking!”, said Marge. “Wow, that’s awfully nice of you, Mr. Burns!”, said Lisa. “Ah, yes, I know I haven’t always been very nice,” answered Mr. Burns, “but you see, recently I have had a life-changing vision!”. “He was, er, visited in one night by three spirits.” Murmured Smithers. “Well, thank you Mr. Burns,” said krusty, “And thanks to all of you who came. I really thought I was going to spend yet another Hanukah alone.” “And I would like to thank you, Smithers!”, said Mr. Burns. “Thank me? What for?”, asked Smithers. “Well, I knew I had to change my way’s, but I also needed someone to support me. You were by my side all this time and you’ve helped me go from renowned corporate devil to totally transformed man!”. “Oh, well, then you’re welcome, Mr Burns,” said a very bashful Smithers.
When it came Christmas morning, Lots of happy children were getting up, rubbing the sleep out of their eye’s and coming down to see what Santa Claus had left for them. Milhouse got his Christmas wish of his parents getting back together and being a family again. He also got a remote-control assault helicopter with ultra-realistic firing sound effects. Nelson got his Christmas wish of his papa returning. He also got a BB-gun so could put coins on the ground for people to pick up and say “Haw-haw!” as he shot them up the bum while they were bending over. Since he was feeling the spirit of Christmas, he let the nerds have a go at this as well, so the bully and nerds alike could have a good laugh at someone else’s expense, but the joke was soon on Nelson when Ralph got him with his toy pistol and giggled with glee.
Bart got a Limited-Edition Radioactive Man action figure and Lisa was told that the extra-large gift was for her, so she was now tearing an extra-large amount of wrapping. it was a gymnastic jumping-horse with a feather-duster attached to one end. On the other end was a bucket on a mop and on the bucket was a crudely-drawn face of a pony. “Well you’ve always wanted a pony!”, said Homer. “Hmmn, it’s not as exciting as a real pony,” commented Lisa, “but I’m glad Santa Claus didn’t push a real pony down the chimney, or wrap a real pony in wrapping paper, as that would have been animal abuse!”. “Oh no, of course not!” said Marge. “The world’s kindest man would never do that!”.
Sometimes, grownup’s got toys at Christmas too. Homer chuckled to himself as he unwrapped a gift labelled “to me, from me” and produced an unusual figure of Santa Claus. It had the usual red pants, big black boots, big black belt, red bobbled hat and full white beard. It also had a cigar in its mouth, sunglasses and a sleeveless white vest which revealed lots of Christmas-themed tattoo’s. It was on a toy motorcycle and “HO HO HO”, was written across the left arm. Homer giggled like a school-girl as he pulled the string on it’s back to hear phrases such as “When I say ho-ho-ho, I’m talking about your mother, she’s a TRIPLE HOE!!” and “Hey, I may not be very nice, but just your face alone puts you on the naughty list FOR LIFE!!”. “Oh my, this toy is totally inappropriate for young children!” gasped Marge. “Oh, it’s not meant for young children, Marge!” Chuckled Homer as he snatched it away from Maggie, who was just crawling along her father’s lap. “That’s for Daddy!”, he said loudly and patronisingly, “this is for baby!”. He gave Maggie a new talking, alphabet-teaching froggy. And that was the story of the holiday season in Springfield. It had been a very happy Christmas and a very happy Hanukah.
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Cinder: nothing brings me fear but that
anni3
Cinder: that brings me fear.
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How the Brothers Would Try to Get the MC Back After a Breakup
I have a much longer one in the works, but dug this out of my old drafts and just had to polish it off real quick. Not sure why I never finished it. 🤷♀️
Lucifer
His first tactic is to try and make them try to get back with him.
That means he’s going to go out and slay it! He’s going to make sure he’s looking great and really making a point of just how much he can do and how capable he is in literally Every. Way. If they’re watching, he’s going to be amazing. Period.
Buuut he’ll be sure to treat them super coldly throughout... This isn’t him trying to nicely ask them to come back to him, oh no, this is just making a point about how much they threw away, stupid human...!
If this doesn’t send them crawling back then he’s really in a bad place… He really needs them to come back on their own because his pride won't let him…
If he ever has to ask, it will feel more like a business deal than a reconciliation but that means he’s desperate. Hear him out at least.
Mammon
He’s going to be an absolute nightmare...
I think we all know that Mammon would fall apart without MC and it really wouldn't be a graceful fall…
Man will go through all the stages of grief seemingly every hour, everywhere from "WELL I DON'T NEED YA ANYWAY!" to, "Baby I'll buy ya anything, please come back…!"
The worst of it comes out when he's drunk and it's also when his worst ideas sound fantastic!
Not above breaking into their room at night just to sing them a poorly-written, sappy love song.
Also not above begging his brothers, Simeon, and even Diavolo for ideas on how to win them back.
If he could put it on one of those airplane banners and fly it across the Devildom, he would. Please MC, he's trying here…
Leviathan
Pity. Pity. So much pity. He is not afraid to treat his own dignity like collateral damage if he has to.
In the weeks after the breakup, Levi would probably be best described as one of those gelatinous deep sea Blobfish thrown on dry land, just with 90% more sadness and wallowing.
Assuming he leaves his room at all, he'll look like complete trash who hasn’t slept in weeks. Just an ultra-depressed otaku covered in Dorito dust and self-pity…
Basically, everything about him is going to scream, "I'M MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU, PLEASE COME COMFORT ME!!!" and considering that may have initiated their relationship to start with, it's not a terrible tactic.
If turning into a pathetic beached jellyfish of despair doesn't work then he'll try begging too. Third brother or not, dignity was never a priority here. Just MC… Always MC.
Satan
Meet our resident drunk texter.
During the day, Satan is going to take more of a Lucifer route and just be as impressive as he possibly can. However, he doesn't quite have Lucifer's level of deep emotional repression through pure spite…
What that means is occasionally he's going to crack and it's rough.
Get a few drinks in him and Satan will just break into a sobbing mess… Any poor soul in the vicinity will have to listen to his incoherent babbling about how many dates he's had with MC, how much he loves them, and why he can't sleep without them anymore…
But the texts… Man, are they something…
Satan: MC yourr the sptinkles to my waffls
Satan: why did you leave me? 🥺
Satan: im in the bat, its really cold here
Satan: pleaae come home 😭😭😭
Satan: I'd murder fr yo
Satan: i mean love you
Satan: come back please
Asmodeus
Jealousy. Pure, simple jealousy. You think he can’t have three other people on his arms by the end of the week? Don't you know what you’re missing??
If Mammon is going through grief stages, then Asmo is stuck on anger. To think that he, HE, would be broken up with!! The nerve!!!
He'll go out clubbing and fucking and make a big'ol deal out of it for at least a week, but if it doesn't really help his case then he's really screwed… (like, figuratively this time)
After his anger burns out there'll be A LOT of crying and Asmo will make it his mission to get together again!!
That could involve everything from long-winded apology speeches, to dragging Solomon into complicated "Let's date again!" schemes, to dangling himself in front of MC like a carrot on a stick to try and entice them back.
EVERYONE in the House is going to hear about it and it'll drive them all crazy, but hey, anything in the name of love, damnit!!
Beelzebub
Lots of gifts, mostly food.
You'd think he'd be leaving offerings to a pagan god with the amount of food he tries to give MC… The man could actually feed a village with those plates!
To be frank, Beel doesn’t even have to do all that much in the grand scheme of things. A sad Beel is like a sad puppy, it just tugs at the heartstrings by its pure existence!
It also helps that he'd be willing to just… talk about getting back together like emotionally mature adults (novel concept, I know)
If they talk it out and the MC still isn't interested then expect more food and more sad Beel... He'll pretty much be like a depressed Santa Claus with a bag of T-bone steaks.
Be careful how long you keep Beel sad for though, MC, because Belphie isn't afraid to murder you twice. He's keeping a knife in that pillow. Be warned.
Belphegor
He's too busy not caring to even try.
Seriously. He doesn't care. Really. Not at all. Not even a little. Were they even dating? He didn't notice!
In fact, he doesn't care so much that he's going to nap in all of their favorite places, rewatch all of their favorite movies, and listen to their favorite songs because he just doesn't give a shit.
He doesn't care so much that he'll totally still invite them out to festivals and theme parks because it doesn't matter and they can still have a lot of fun together anyway!
He doesn't care SO FREAKING MUCH that if they wanted to nap together again or even cuddle a bit it's totally fine because it doesn't mean anything and he's fine and they're fine and this is fine!! Everything is a'okay!!!
See? No complaints outta him. But if they wanted to get back together uh… that's fine too… please...
#obey me#obey me shall we date#shall-we-date-obey-me#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me headcanons
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Cove x MC - One Shot #3 (request)
[Read on google docs to insert your MC's name]
SPOILER WARNING: Don't read if you haven't finished Step 3!
Your insides bubbled with excitement as the car neared the cabin nestled deeply in the forest. The fresh blanket of snow was nearly blinding in the bright morning sun. You looked over to your driver, Cove, who wore a focused scowl.
Cove: We made it. I can’t believe we made it.
Y/N: Isn’t it gorgeous? There is so much SNOW.
Cove smiled at you with apprehension. This trip was a special one for many reasons. You were both freshly 19, so it was your first holiday together as independent adults. On that note, it was also your first holiday away from your families. You felt more down about that than Cove did. His main gripe was the snow, and it was unmistakable in his expression. Cove parked the car in the designated snowless space. You both stepped out, Cove with a little less enthusiasm than you did.
Cove: Snow, snow, and more snow.
The cabin was glowing and decked out in beautiful Christmas decorations. An intermingling of garland and lights hung across the roof. More garland and Christmas baubles framed the frosted windows. Oversized candy canes lined the pathway up to the porch. The wreath on the front door was massive. It hung proudly with a cute snowman proclaiming “Let it Snow!”
Cove: The owners didn’t hold back out here. It’s impressive.
Mesmerized, you could only nod. The online advertisement described the cabin as a pre-decorated Christmas escape. The images you showed Cove online were spectacular, but they did not do justice to the real thing.
Not wanting to stand outside any longer, Cove moved to the trunk and began unloading the luggage. Cove first extracted a suitcase that he claimed was not filled entirely with gifts for you. Your gift for Cove lived safely in your own suitcase, already wrapped and ready to go. He then removed both of your clothing-packed suitcases. You were proud of your ability to convince Cove to bring winter-appropriate clothing to this trip.
You helped Cove drag the luggage to the front door. The host messaged you the entrance code before your arrival. You punched it into the keypad which stood in place of a normal keyhole. 1-2-2-5. Clever.
You paused for dramatic effect, then slowly opened the door to reveal the inside. It looked like a Christmas bomb went off, in the best way possible. You squealed and bounded inside first, leaving Cove to the luggage.
The cabin was small and cozy. The kitchen and living area were open to each other. There was no bedroom, only a pull-out couch that sat comfortably in front of a fireplace. The only other doors in the cabin were for the bathroom and a storage closet.
The Christmas tree drew in your eyes first. You stepped closer to inspect it and inhale the sweet evergreen scent. The tree skirt was wide and inviting to colorful wrapped boxes. Cranberry and popcorn strands wrapped the tree from bottom to top. An assortment of ornaments littered the branches. You peered into one of the big red baubles and smiled at your distorted reflection. Finally, you tilted your head upwards to take in the tree topper— a stunning golden star.
You spun around excitedly to appreciate the rest of the decorations. There wasn’t a corner or window without winter greenery. Festive cushions sat on either side of the couch. Stockings hung by the chimney with care. A miniature village of joyful folk lived on a console table by the entrance. You turned to face Cove, who had just finished lugging everything inside by himself. He shut the door and smiled at you, happy that you were already having a magical time.
Y/N: I’m sorry, Cove. I got a little carried away with—
You halted your own sentence. Your gaze drew upward to the ceiling above Cove. A mistletoe hung delicately in the doorway. Cove followed your sight, twisting his head for a better view. You strode towards him before he could speak. You stared at him intently and wiggled one of your eyebrows. He met your gaze again, already blushing intensely.
Cove: It’s one of those...
His sentence trailed off as you stepped even closer and hushed him.
Y/N: Just kiss me, you big, beautiful dumbass.
Cove gulped hard. He gently took your face in his cold hands. You hoped the heat from your blushing face would warm them. He bent towards you as you stood on your toes to meet the kiss. Your lips danced together sweetly. You parted after a moment and stared into each other's eyes. Cove’s ocean blue eyes glistened and crinkled with the wide smile that spread across his face. You dove into a hug, wrapping your arms around his tall frame. He returned the hug enthusiastically.
Cove: Let’s get everything unpacked and unwind. I need to get that fireplace lit as soon as possible.
You agreed and helped Cove locate a suitable location for the luggage. He paused with his gift-laden suitcase in hand. Face lost in thought, Cove's grip tightened on the suitcase.
Y/N: Everything okay, Cove?
Cove: Today is Christmas Eve.
Y/N: That it is.
Cove: Presents go under the tree on Christmas Eve.
You chuckled at his observations, but allowed him to continue speaking. He brushed it off casually.
Cove: I want this to be special, Y/N. If I put the gifts under the tree now you’ll see them and start wondering what’s inside.
The concern in his tone was apparent. It was just like Cove to worry so deeply about something most people wouldn’t think about. You pondered for a moment.
Y/N: Wait for me to fall asleep tonight, then sneak them under the tree like the real Santa Claus.
Cove laughed at the implication of a “real” Santa Claus. You were glad to see his mood lighten. He hesitated, then set the suitcase behind the others, careful to conceal it. Perhaps in an attempt to block you from using your x-ray vision to see through the luggage. You thought it was ridiculous, but in the sweetest way. Satisfied with the arrangement, Cove slapped his hands against his legs.
Cove: Well, now what? What Christmas activities does Y/N have planned today?
Y/N: Let me just pull out my Christmas to-do list.
You spoke sarcastically with a twinkle in your eyes. Cove rolled his eyes lightheartedly and wandered to the fireplace. While he fiddled with it you sank heavily into the couch. With an enthused “Aha!” from Cove, the fireplace roared to life. It crackled pleasantly.
Cove turned around to smile at you sweetly. He patted the ground next to him. You got up and settled in next to Cove. He wrapped his arm around you and drew you in closer. You immediately appreciated the warmth from both Cove and the fireplace. You leaned on his shoulder.
You spent the rest of the morning watching Christmas movies and munching on candy canes. For lunch, you and Cove made macaroni and cheese. You both welcomed the gooey warmth of the meal.
Imbued with energy from lunch, you leapt from your seat and proclaimed.
Y/N: We have to go outside and enjoy the snow before the sun goes down.
Cove made a sour face and spoke quietly without looking up from his now empty bowl.
Cove: Enjoy, yeah…
You sighed and clenched your jaw, restraining yourself. You knew Cove would be difficult regarding the snow, but hoped the special occasion would nudge him along.
Y/N: Fine. I’ll go outside myself.
Cove’s head immediately snapped up and he stared at you with wide, pleading eyes. He didn’t expect you to so easily give up on convincing him. You maintained an unimpressed expression while he spoke.
Cove: No, Y/N. I’ll come with you. You know I love spending time with you no matter what.
Your expression cracked with a hint of a smile, but you regained control.
Y/N: You’re going to hate it. Don’t bother.
You weren’t sure why you were being so stubborn with this. Cove was willing to compromise, but you still felt annoyed that his initial reaction put a damper on your mood. You shut your eyes tightly, now irritated by your own childishness.
Cove stood up and firmly gripped your shoulders. He waited for you to look at him. You met his gaze and stuck out your bottom lip in a small pout.
Cove: Let’s go build a snowman. It’ll be like building a sandcastle.
You sighed, but couldn’t resist his comforting voice and adoring eyes.
Y/N: I’m going to have to bundle you in layers. Gloves, a hat, maybe even a scarf.
Cove cringed at each word that escaped your lips. He nodded anyway. You both put on more winter gear in preparation for the snow activities. You held open the door for Cove, who hesitantly stepped outside.
Cove: This is way worse than the ice skating rink.
Y/N: You don’t say?
You loved teasing Cove for his blunt and often obvious statements, but he knew you adored him for it. He scoffed and stuck his tongue out at you.
Y/N: Careful with that, might get stuck on a pole.
Cove retreated his tongue and blushed lightly. You gently poked his tummy then grabbed his hand to lead him into the snow. You chose a wide open space away from the cabin for your snowman’s home. You started shoveling snow into a pile. Cove stood reluctantly nearby. You didn’t want to push him, but hoped he would join in the building.
To your surprise, it was only a moment before Cove dug his gloved hands into the snow. He smiled at you shakily while adding to your growing pile of snow. You went back and forth between adding snow and rounding the pile into a snowman base. Cove’s big hands proved useful in this endeavor. With the base done, you moved onto the head.
Y/N: We have to make the head smaller than the body.
Cove: How small? Do you want to give him a shrunken head?
You cackled at the thought, but shook your head.
Y/N: I think he deserves a normal sized head.
Between the two of you, the snowman’s head slowly grew. You stepped back to assess the size.
Y/N: I think that’s perfect. What do you think, Cove?
Cove stepped back as well and tilted his head. He spoke matter-of-factly.
Cove: Looks like a snowman.
Y/N: Not yet, he needs a face and arms.
You scoured the ground around you for twigs, leaves, and rocks. Cove did the same.
Cove: If only we had seashells. That would bring it all together.
With your findings combined, you got to work on designing the snowman. His face came together in a wide smile made of various pebbles. Leaves stuck to the top of his head represented the hair. Two sticks on either side of his body became the arms. Cove found several small pinecones to pin on his front like an array of buttons. Finally, the nose. You didn’t have a carrot on hand, so you opted for another one of Cove’s pointier pinecones.
Once again, you stepped back with Cove to admire your work. You wrapped your arm around him in a side hug, he returned the gesture with an arm around your shoulder.
Y/N: He’s beautiful.
You pretended to dramatically wipe a tear from your eye.
Cove: We should name him.
You agreed, and began to ponder names that would fit the snowman. After much deliberation, you settled on Sandy, as a memento of the inspiration for his existence.
Y/N: Sandy the Snowman, it really is perfect.
Cove: Next time we’re at the beach we should build a sandman and name him Snowy.
Cove waggled his eyebrows at you, hoping for a reaction to his hilarious joke. You couldn’t contain the grin that emerged from within. You were suddenly overcome by a wave of affection for Cove. His dorky jokes, the way he looked at you, his willingness to put his own comfort aside for your sake. You wanted nothing more than to push him down into the snow and ravage him. Knowing better, you instead decided to grab his hand again and lead him back indoors.
Cove followed with a small gasp at your sudden insistence. Once inside, you leaned Cove against the door and pressed your lips into his. You were desperate for his warmth. He returned the kiss passionately, running his fingers through your hair. You broke away from Cove, satisfied with your second mistle-toe kiss. Cove stood bewildered, disappointed by losing the warmth of your lips. You winked at him, never tiring of teasing your flustered fiancé.
You spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other’s company. You played board games, sang Christmas songs, and drank hot chocolate. As the evening emerged, a light snowfall began outside. You gazed out the window, hypnotized by the dancing snowflakes. Your eyes began to droop, and you felt the weight of the day pulling you down. You yawned and turned to Cove, who was already turning the couch into a bed. He must have sensed your weariness.
Cove threw some blankets and pillows into the bed and you dove right into the inviting warmth. He joined you and extended his arm to make his chest available to your sleepy head. You nuzzled in and closed your eyes, ready to drift away…
You stirred awake at the feeling of the mattress shifting. Your eyes fluttered open and tried to adjust to the darkness. Cove was climbing back into bed. It was completely dark outside, you judged it must have been a few hours after you fell asleep. Still half asleep, you muttered quietly to Cove.
Y/N: Santa, baby…
You couldn’t see his expression through the darkness, instead you heard a small chuckle. You held your arms out limply, hoping for a Cove cuddle. He took you in his arms and kissed the top of your head. You continued feebly, in a sleepy sing-song voice.
Y/N: So hurry down the chimney tonight…
Cove chuckled again and stroked your cheek gently.
Cove: I love you so much.
That was the last thing you heard before falling back into a deep slumber. Several hours later, the morning sun woke you. Cove was sleeping peacefully next to you, likely exhausted from playing Santa Claus last night. You turned over and rested your body on his chest. You peppered his face in tiny kisses until he awoke. His eyes eased open, a smile already growing across his face.
Y/N: Merry Christmas, Cove.
Cove: Merry Christmas, Y/N.
Unable to contain your excitement, you leapt out of bed, leaving Cove to fully wake himself up. You ran to your suitcase and recovered the small wrapped gift you got for Cove. You decided to place it beneath the already populated tree. Your jaw dropped seeing how many gifts Cove got you. You placed the gift down carefully and went to check on Cove.
Y/N: Please tell me you’re ready to open gifts.
Cove: I’m ready, but you have to open yours first.
You didn’t argue, you wanted to save your gift to Cove for last anyway. He joined you by the tree and sat cross-legged across from you.
Y/N: Where should I start? Is there any order to this madness?
Cove thought for a moment, then pulled out one of the presents. Shiny reindeer-imprinted paper covered the box. He held it out to you.
Cove: Definitely start with this one.
Impressed that he seemed to remember what was in each box, you took the gift with a smile. You tore open the paper and uncovered the joy within: an adorable stuffed dolphin. Your eyes lit up as you hugged the little guy. You thanked Cove, who immediately bestowed you with another carefully selected box. You giggled and repeated the process. The rest of the boxes contained: a book from your favorite series, tickets to an upcoming play, rare foreign candy, colorful seashells, and a beautiful ocean-themed puzzle.
You felt overwhelmed by the thought that Cove put into each gift. You struggled to find words besides “thank you.” However, Cove wasn’t done. He handed you a final box.
Cove: One more.
You unwrapped this one carefully, a mix of anticipation and nerves stirring within. Inside was a small album titled “Our Life.” You carefully lifted it out of the box and flipped through the pages. Each page was designed to represent a point in your lives together, from childhood all the way to this past summer. There were pictures, funny quotes, tickets from various events, and doodles. Cove even included the piece of paper from your infamous hang-man game.
You were already tearing up before you noticed a smaller box within the original box. With shaking hands and a pounding heart, you opened it.
Inside the box was a simple ring with an engraved wave design. You couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears that erupted from your eyes. Your emotions surged and your mind was spinning. Without speaking, you grabbed the present you put under the tree and offered it to Cove. He was visibly confused, even a bit concerned.
Cove: Y/N, is everything okay?
You spoke through tears.
Y/N: Just open it.
Cove silently complied. His fingers carefully removed the red and white pinstriped paper. He looked at you nervously before looking into the box. His eyes widened and glistened.
Cove: A ring…
You laughed shakily and scooted closer to Cove, still holding your own small box. He looked up at you, tears streaming down his red cheeks.
Y/N: We’re already engaged, but still got rings for each other. And look at how emotional we are about it!
Cove: I thought it would be nice to make it official with a real engagement ring.
You nodded in agreement, pleased that you were both on the same page.
Y/N: Let’s put them on each other.
You exchanged rings with Cove. He held your still shaking hand and carefully slipped the ring onto your finger. You did the same, relieved that the ring was a perfect fit on his finger.
You let out a massive sigh, it felt as if you had been holding your breath for ages. Cove was admiring the ring on his finger, his ocean eyes still glimmering with tears.
Cove: It feels as magical as it did the first time on the poppy hill.
You looked at him adoringly, unable to contain the crashing ocean of love you felt inside.
Y/N: Thank you, Cove. For putting in so much effort for me. All the time. But especially this Christmas. I know holidays aren’t your thing, especially not winter ones…
Rambling nervously, you felt like Cove in that moment. He invited you to sit on his lap with a simple pat. You settled in and waited. He cradled you close and spoke quietly but confidently.
Cove: You are my thing. You’re the best gift I could ask for. You make braving holidays and snow worth it. I can’t imagine how this day could get any better.
Cove was right. The morning was still fresh, and you were already swimming in bliss. You sniffled, feeling lucky to have him and looking forward to living your life with the man you love. Christmas Day would hold a special place in your hearts for the rest of your lives.
#our life#our life: beginnings & always#our life beginnings & always#cove holden#cove#cove holden x mc#cove holden x reader#lgbt#writing#my writing#gb patch games#gb patch#fanfic#fandom#fanwork#oc#self insert#mc#romance#one shot#visual novel#otome game#request#christmas
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THE CHRISTMAS GIFT
— AN EXPLORER UNIVERSE DRABBLE :)
SUMMARY So now there’s a present for him under the tree, but none for you. Apparently that’s up to Jungkook to purchase, which leads him to this dilemma: what did you want for Christmas?
WARNINGS alien!jk, tentacle mention hehe, and uhhh nothing else its just dorky n sweet :(
RATING e for everyone <3
WC 1.2k
NOTES hello the other day i said something abt explorer jk not rlly understanding the concept of gift giving so here it is more in depth <3 just 1k of dorky alien boy trying to impress his human gf !!
Jungkook thinks this Santa Claus fellow is quite possibly the oddest figure on your planet. A man who single handedly visits the home of every single child across the globe on a flying sleigh pulled by flying deer? Ridiculous. It’s even more ridiculous when you honor this man with a plate of cookies in the living room.
“It’s just for fun,” you tell him, wobbling dangerously on a step stool in front of this massive tree you killed and then hauled inside to decorate its rotting carcass. The ornaments aren’t even placed in the most aesthetically pleasing pattern, a fact that greatly displeases Jungkook and his perfectionist mind. (You don’t see his extra arms slip out and rearrange them.) “It’s cute, isn’t it?”
In all his time traveling the galaxy, Jungkook has had the honor of studying many foreign races. He’s learned the intricacies of their societies, the mechanisms of their anatomy, and the beauty of their cultures. Yet he does not recall ever seeing a society where one bearded man— who apparently gorged himself on cookies year round —held such superiority. The concept of gods isn’t exclusive to your planet, but from what Jungkook understands, this Santa Claus fellow is not a god at all.
Oddly uniformed beings aside, there’s another thing Jungkook doesn't quite understand about this celebration, and that’s the bright red box beneath the dead tree with jungkook♡ written on the corner. It’s a gift, that much he gets, but he’s not sure what. Or why. You don’t tell him much either, simply warning him not to touch it until Christmas.
Jokes on you, because Jungkook is no ordinary being. He knows how to gather resources from his surroundings and put them to use, an ability that is very valuable when visiting foreign planets such as your Earth. The projection box plays a variety of movies surrounding this Christmas event in the days leading up to it. It’s a festive day, primarily for large corporations to profit off of holiday cheer and convince people they, for some reason, must participate in the act of gift giving. And the thing about gift giving, Jungkook learns, is that it is reciprocal.
So now there’s a present for him under the tree, but none for you. Apparently that’s up to Jungkook to purchase, which leads him to this dilemma: what did you want for Christmas?
The projection box says Humans similar to you enjoy being presented with jewels and clothing, occasionally electronic devices that are apparently ‘new’ for you Humans.
But the jewels displayed are practically worthless in Jungkook’s eyes— a diamond ring? As far as Jungkook and the rest of the Sixamians were concerned, the sole purpose of a diamond was for recreational sports. Anyone could get a diamond in Sixam, they were as common as the avian beings on your planet were. But you and the rest of the Humans obsess over them, retail them for ridiculously high prices.
Diamonds are out of the running, which leaves Jungkook with clothing or electronic devices. Similar to the diamond dilemma, the electronics don’t convince him much either. Smilodon had gotten into your room one day, completely knocked everything off your desk. While Jungkook had been able to revive your PC box, the cracked screen of your monitor was irreparable. Jungkook’s first trip to the city was that day, your visit to a Best Buy his first real outing. (You had sat him down in the kitchen and dabbed warrior paint, called concealer, over his facial markings.) The complete wonder he felt at seeing the city for the first time was shattered upon entering this Best Buy and seeing the horrendous quality of your electronic advancements.
Needless to say, electronics are also out.
By then, Jungkook can’t even fathom searching for clothing as a present. What did you like? He’s not sure, your preference in clothing varied everyday. Some days you enjoyed being bundled up in thick, cozy sweaters, but at night you would strip down to the thinnest materials. Did you like thick clothing or light? What was the most appropriate clothing for this season? Was there a specific size chart he had to refer to, or did Human clothing abide by the same form configuring rules that Sixamian clothing did?
Christmas is tomorrow and Jungkook has not found a suitable present for you! His head hurts, but more importantly, his heart hurts. The projection box says Humans are greatly dissatisfied when they are forgotten in the gift-giving tradition, and Jungkook does not want that. He wants you to smile at him like the figures on the projection box do— maybe kiss him under the viscum album, or ‘mistletoe,’ plant —and just genuinely enjoy yourself.
Time is running out and Jungkook doesn’t know what to do. Smilodon is giving him a rather disappointed look from the windowsill that Jungkook does not appreciate. It’s as he’s huffily shooing the creature away that he sees it. And by it, Jungkook means the flowerbed on your windowsill. The dirt is cold, the plants practically near death. But Jungkook knows you like flowers, these flowers in particular, because you spent all summer watering them and tending to them. You’re one of the finest botanists Jungkook has ever seen— and that’s saying a lot, considering Jungkook also considers himself an amazing botanist. Surely you like flowers?
He hurriedly gathers the last of the plants, hands shivering from the cold. He isn’t sure how to present them, how to wrap them like the Humans on the projection box do, so he’s left awkwardly hovering by the window with the dead flowers in his hand. He can’t set them down either because then they will unravel from the careful bouquet Jungkook had organized in his haste.
You have extra limbs for a reason, his brain just about screams, and Jungkook snaps into action. Just as the tip of his limb touches your laptop, ready to watch as many instructional videos as possible, you come strolling into the living room.
Jungkook can’t even play it off, he’s got one tentacle stretched over the entire length of the living room.
“What are those for?” you ask curiously, casually stepping over his extended arm on your way over to him.
Jungkook sighs, slowly retracting his limb until he can feel it slide naturally beneath the skin of his back. He wonders if his markings are that shade of pink again, the one that makes you kiss him and coo at him. “Felicitations on your Christmas,” he murmurs, handing you the bouquet of half dead, half frozen flowers. Your mouth forms a little circle, surprise and confusion painting your features. Jungkook hopes you are not as disappointed as he is in his atrocious attempt at gift giving.
But Jungkook should know better; your Human heart is nothing like his. You’re not raised on perfection like he is, don’t even think there is such a thing as ‘the perfect gift.’ The flowers are taken from his trembling hands, clutched to your chest dreamily. “Did you pick these?” you sigh dreamily, gazing down at the dead bouquet like it’s the most beautiful thing in the universe.
Jungkook doesn’t understand. Maybe it’s better this way. “Merry Christmas to you, too,” you beam, on your tippy toes to plant a kiss on his lips. “I love them.”
And he loves you.
Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.
#networkbangtan#bangtanhq#jungkook fic#jeon jungkook fic#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook x reader#bts fic#mine#explorerdrabs
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´ ´ learn the alphabet with noir ` `
a/n: anything that is in italics is in korean. i’ve been wanting to do this one for a while and it took me quite some days to think while making sure she’s in character poaskposkpksapos ALSO, let me know if any of you want to know the backstory of any of the quotes!
a:
“ayyyyyyy my man.” (greeting her male friends)
"annyeonghaseyo bishes.”
“at this point, i don’t even care anymore.”
b:
“banana BA NA NA NAAAAAAAA.”
“by the way, if i ever see anyone saying bad things to eun-chae just because she’s bi, expect to hear from my lawyer.”
“bruh moment.”
c:
“commence the yoinkage.”
“covid, PUH LEASE, get the hell out, you’ve overstayed your welcome, no one wants you here.”
“caffeine addict is what they call me, now pass me that cup so i can one-shot it.”
d:
“dude, I know what I’m doing, trust me. I got phd on youtube.”
“do you ever stare at people to see what their reaction will be? because i do.”
“DISCO TIME!”
e:
“eh, i’m gay.”
“everyone, i got an important question, is buttcheeks one word or should i spread them apart?”
“ehehehehe, i’ll clown all my members, ehehehehehe.”
f:
“first of all, i’m a claw machine master, okay? have some faith on me."
“fu-, sh-, dam-, AH you know what, i give up.”
“fancy uUUuuuuuu.” (voice crack)
g:
“guys shut the heck up, i’m listening to ateez”
“gosh, how can i be so talented?”
“gO GO GO GO, GET HIM!”
h:
“how about no?”
“hi horsie.” (feeding the horse with carrots while patting its neck)
"hamlet once said and i quote: 'o fuck'."
i:
“i’ve come to announce, i adopted a child.” (turns the camera to show mingi with yoo on his lap) “by the way, mingi’s the child.”
“i hate my brother, i want a new one.”
“i demand a refund on this friendship.”
j:
“jinnie could slap me with her vocal and i would still thank her.”
“je t'aime, mes gems.”
“just, what the heck is wrong with you?”
k:
“KI TWIN IS HERE! WHERE’S THE KO TWIN?! HARUKO!”
“ke ke ke… yes this is my weird laugh.”
“KILL THEM, EAT ALL THEIR CHILDREN!”
l:
“lol, sucks to be you.”
“logistically, soo-jin can’t live without me.”
“laura and jinnie are the demonic duo i would never dare to mess with.”
m:
“math should be permanently banned from existence.”
“mingi-ah, why are you and yunho such a hoe?”
“mayday mayday, haru’s being way too sweet.”
n:
“not my problem.”
“nan michin deushi awooo.”
“no, i won’t be growing taller any sooner, i already accepted it.”
o:
“oh god, why me?”
“obolary.”
“OH MY- boi.”
p:
“peniel, i love you, brother, i really do, but could you kindly rid ourselves of your presence?”
“protecc haru and hua at all costs.”
“please stop asking for my brother, he’s stinky and i’m better company.”
q:
“quoting the legendary hamlet, ‘no’.”
“quack.”
“q t? wait, are you flirting with me? wot.”
r:
“really? right in front of my salad?”
“RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!”
“rEEEEE!”
s:
“soo-young isn’t responding to normies at the moment, try again later.”
“santa claus doesn’t exist, sorry.”
“sup? how you doin’ babe?”
t:
“today’s tmi is that i’ll always be the prettiest.”
“there’s no filter when it comes to me, and we all know that.”
“... the more you know, i guess.”
u:
“um, am i interrupting something?” (seeing the maknaes cuddling up together)
“usually some of the members would accompany me on things like this, but it seems that i was ditched.”
“uh-huh… and what made you believe that i would actually do aegyo for free?”
v:
“vroom vroom.”
“venus might the quietest between us, but honestly? she’s the real demon.”
“verrry naiseu.”
w:
“whenever someone tells me ‘i love you noir’, i either throw up or say that i love me too.”
“watch me covering all the title songs from my favorite groups.”
“wae wae wae wae wae wae wae wae wae wae?” (annoying eun-chae)
x:
“xoxo is always the way when you’re lazy to write properly but still want to make it cute.”
“XIAN HUA!”, “yes?”, “... i love you.”
y:
“YASSSSS QUEEN”
“YEET!”
“you just got gnome’d.” (gnome noise)
z:
“zombie movies are good… for background noise, i mean.”
“zoos are fun, i can pet some animals for free.”
#✧ sky’s the limit > ( noir )#✧ sky’s the limit > ( social media :: noir )#✧ sky’s the limit > ( incorrect quotes :: noir )#✧ sky’s the limit > ( compilations :: noir )#fictional idol group#fictional kpop group#fictional idol oc#fictional kpop idol#kpop idol oc#fake kpop group#kpop oc#oc kpop group#girl group oc#idol oc#kpop imagines
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On Holiday
I’ve managed a NYE fic instead of a Christmas/Holiday fic. Maybe the start of something longer.
Thanks to @sahdah for the eyes. ❤️
Find it on FFN or AO3.
---
It starts on New Year's Eve.
Blake dares her to kiss whoever ends up next to her at midnight, so she resolves to simply end up alone at midnight so that she's not technically breaking the dare. The balcony is small and secluded, which means if someone isn't already out here sucking face, she's the only one whose found it—or is likely to find it at 11:58. She faintly hears a murmur of anticipation below and knows she's almost survived this one with her first kiss squarely intact. Maka has no wish to kiss a complete stranger, or anyone really, thank you very much.
The soft click behind her surprises her, the sound of a shutting door. She whirls around to see a patch of white faintly shining under the moonlight and little else—there is no light on here, purposefully so. Still, the stark hair is enough to give him away. She knows him... or at least, knows of him. Solomon "Call Me Soul" Evans is a boarding school friend of Kid and Blake, just another spoiled rich kid cruising his way through life. Still, as he slowly steps closer, eyes fixed on the waxing moon and seemingly still unaware of her presence, his face looks so broken that it makes her heart crack just a little in sympathy.
She faintly hears the countdown begin downstairs.
10...
Well, a dare is a dare, and while Maka has been known to achieve work arounds in the past that have made her the undisputed Truth or Dare queen, she also never backs out of a dare. Someone is here, so she will try to kiss him. Really, it might not be so bad. There are far worse candidates at this party. Far worse.
Yeah, okay, so he's a trust fund baby, but so's Kid, and she's never minded that. And anyway, even though she's told herself he's just some spoiled little rich boy, she's noticed he tends to stick to quiet corners and keep to himself during parties, and though they've been around each other many times, he's rarely spoken more than two words to her together, so maybe she's just been projecting.
9...
He isn't far, and as she takes one soft step towards him, then another, the faint clack of her low heels on marble have him spinning in her direction, eyes like saucers in the low light.
8...
She's close now, close enough to reach out and grab him, and she will soon, if he'll let her. Her heart begins to race, adrenaline kicking in, her stubborn will taking over. Maka Albarn never says die, so she will do this—and maybe kill Blake later—but still. She will kill him with her honor intact.
7...
His eyes resume a more normal appearance, and the surprise soon morphs into the look of boredom that's the only expression she's ever seen him wear until less than a minute ago.
6...
"Sorry, I'll just—"
He makes to slide away, so Maka stops him with a hand to one surprisingly firm bicep. His eyes widen again.
5...
"I need a favor," she says, no time to choose her words. His surprise begins to slide into boredom again, and she hates that the clear mask he wears is so damned familiar, hates that he tilts his own head forward just enough for eyes that shine as brightly as the blood moon to be obscured by his star kissed hair.
4...
"What?"
One word and a slight tilt of the head is all the acknowledgment he offers.
3...
"I need to kiss you, if I you'll let me..."
Maka trails off and bites her lip nervously, hands fidgeting with her charm bracelet but eyes never straying from his as she watches that mask drop again, eyes as wide as his suddenly gaping jaw. He snaps his jaw shut, swallowing visibly.
2...
"O...kay?" The word stutters from his lips, and he looks—honestly, she can't even tell anymore, her heart racing past any capacity for reason.
The artist in Maka had long since found him beautiful from afar, like some gorgeously exotic animal who could never belong among the mundane throngs of humanity around him. The acknowledgment had been begrudging but genuine, her creative soul stirred in spite of herself. But a few brief meetings under sterile halogen and distant sightings in the low lights of parties could not have prepared for her for the reality of standing before him under the moonlight as she's about to kiss him, about to feel the warm lips he darts his tongue out to lick nervously, slightly chapping in the cold desert night.
1...
Her heart is going to explode, she's sure of it. Maka has never heard her own pulse in her ears so deafeningly. Her world narrows to her heart beat and his lips as she leans forward, closing her eyes. She could end up kissing his chin this way and she knows it, but not even her boundless courage can face this eyes wide open. Somehow, someway, her lips collide with something soft, slightly chilled, and shockingly eager. A hand that decidedly does not belong to her finds her lower back, and she allows her own hands to snake up until they meet thick hair, slightly stiff with too much product.
The chill of her lips warms quickly with the motion, and then she feels something hot darting between and gasps, though whether from surprise or the pleasant tingle pooling in her belly and spreading clear down her her toes, Maka can't say. The fireworks that explode in light and sound above them mirror that feeling, amplifying it, bolstering it, and driving her to give as good as she gets. Her courage rises, making her bold, and she slides her own tongue along his, relishing the peculiar warmth of it, the unexpected pleasure of such an embarrassing level of intimacy with a virtual stranger.
That thought shocks her back to reality, and she breaks off their kiss, taking a quick step back, breathless. He looks just as breathless, but whatever unreadable expression crosses his face passes quickly, replaced with a bitter smile.
"Star put you up to this."
It's not really a question.
"I chose dare," she admits, still dizzy from the cascade of emotions crushing her.
"Figures." It's a quiet grumble, punctuated by a laugh as bitter as that smile. "Sorry," he adds, smile fading into neutrality, eyes growing guarded.
"Oh, no, don't be! You were doing me a favor!" Her voice is too bright, heart still racing. Why does he look like someone just told him Santa Claus isn't real? Even in the swirl of her own fear and embarrassment, she knows something is wrong here, and she's not coming out as the good guy.
Oh gods, she's dragged this poor boy into Blake's shenanigans and broken him somehow. And now that she's realized that he doesn't deserve—well—whatever that look is on his face, her own fear and embarrassment are swept away by anger. She is going to absolutely murder her godbrother; she feels like she should be on To Catch a Predator, even though they're both 21 and he had kissed her back, damnitall.
"Yeah, okay." He suddenly slouches down in his jeans and button up, looking a foot shorter and, in spite of that habitual mask of indifference, somehow defeated.
"Anyway." Her right hand finds her bracelet again, but she manages to keep her eyes steady and on his, anger simmering. "If you'll excuse me, I have a godbrother to kill."
Maka manages to keep her head high as she marches away, throwing open the balcony door with abandon, her embarrassment come anger fueling her.
Not looking back, she misses his thoughtful frown as he touches his fingertips to his lips, and how his eyes never leave her, lingering in the doorway long after she's gone.
#ProMa writes#been awhile fam#mwah!#SoMa fanfic#soul x maka#soul eater#soul eater fanfic#I did a thing
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I can’t ask on your Once Upon A Time tumblr but Hooked on Her and Santa Jones and Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News
Oooo so these are both fairly new fics that came to me when my muse recently decided to come out of hiding after three months so, yeah!
Hooked on Her is a modern AU that was originally going to fulfill a prompt I got for 12 Days of Promptmas but then my muse disappeared in the middle of the night and I never finished it. Anyway, it's about Killian getting his heartbroken but realizing it was for the best and because he still cares deeply for Milah, he's determined to set up her. The only issue is the new sheriff in town Emma Swan who thinks he's a creep stalking the poor girl. Snippet:
Milah’s fingers curl and uncurl on the tabletop before rooting themselves to the cup of coffee he ordered for her. The weight on his chest is heavy and he’s sure being dragged behind his ship would be a less painful experience than this.
“I… I don’t think we should continue to see each other,” she finally manages to say.
“Milah.” His voice cracks as he says her name and he lets go of his own mug to reach across for his hand, his other arm limp at his side.
When he sustained the injury to his left hand while helping Milah leave her ex-husband, he wept. His whole life – everything he worked for from his career to his lifestyle – had been smashed to pieces much like nearly every bone and nerve ending in his hand. But with Milah at his side, he powered through and although there isn’t much his left hand can do now, he never felt as inadequate as he did now, unable to clasps both of her hands in both of his and squeeze every reassurance he couldn’t find the voice to mutter.
His outreach is met with her withdrawal.
“Killian, we are just at two different points in our lives,” she continues. “We want different things and we are only hurting ourselves if we continue to deny it.”
“What do you want, Milah? I’ll give you anything.”
“You can’t. This isn’t something you can just give.”
“Tell me.”
Milah sighs, her fingers fiddling with the napkin. “I saw you looking at houses.”
It’s amazing how much six words can collapse the foundation under one’s feet.
Santa Jones was a Christmas fic I started in October then abandoned and never finished in time. It's a fic that features Liam as Santa and is a bit of Fred Claus without the bitterness and The Santa Clause! Snippet:
When he first meets her, it, of course, happens to be at a Christmas-themed bar. In August.
It’s not that Killian has an aversion to Christmas or anything – his brother is freaking Santa – but 300 years of the thing tends to take some of the shine off. If he’s going to keep celebrating it for the next however many centuries, he needs to do it in small doses.
Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News actually came about from a recent discord conversation which then resulted in discussing what a cursed!Killian in s1's job would be. I joked that it'd be painful irony to make his cursed self a cardiologist or a toxicologist who could save Milah or Liam, respectively, in time and it haunts him with every patient. Which is how this fic came about with Killian doing a "toxicology rundown" on one of the apples Regina gave to Emma in order to ease Henry's worries. Snippet:
Mary Margaret studies the basket for a moment, humming to herself as she tilts her head. “You know, we have a school field trip to the hospital tomorrow. I can bring one of the apples to get tested by the toxicology department.”
Emma furrows her brows in confusion. “Don’t they only test on human samples?”
A light pink color fills the other woman’s cheeks as she fiddles with the vase by the sink. “I know that and you know that…”
“…but Henry doesn’t,” Emma finishes with a smile. “I’ll go and show Henry I’m supporting him in figuring out if the curse is real. Then he’ll see the apple isn’t poisoned and maybe it’ll help him come down a little from this fantasy.”
#temporarystatus#cs ff#my wips#wips#captain swan#captain swan au#captain swan fanfic#captain swan ff#cs ff au#ouat#ouat au#my writing#oh my gosh i'm a hot mess i'm sorry but at least the muse is coming back
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