#They became long distance online friends ever since | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cheriladycl01 · 4 months

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omg in your feel the heat fic after you mentioned the son and dad and that yn was single after being broken up with. my mind went to single!dad and son obviously the dad is same age or close to same age maybe max like 7 years apart. but after yn helps the son yn and the dad get closer and end up dating. idk if yn in your fix is lesbian or bi but that’s just what my mind went to.

I love this idea! Its so cute! And reader can be interpreted however you wanted but as a bisexual queen myself i also envision her as bi!

Because i love this so much, here like a little drabble for you that's a little sub-plot to feel the heat!

Also I've noticed that a lot of people are enjoying these shorts that i do like 'Angry Y/N moments and Funny Gamer moments' that i've been doing! Do you guys like them, if so would you want more? And what would you like to see if i did?

"I'm scared for today" he told you. After you'd met Conner and his son, Tyler at the race you'd of course kept in contact with them. Giving them paddock passes. As time went on Conner and you became flirty, you hadn't been in a relationship since your last ex Emma, who you were secretly hoping and manifesting would call you back and ask for your forgiveness and want to try again.

But of course because of the way the world works that hadnt happened.

And now with Connor the time felt right too move on, he'd been hopelessly chasing after you for about two years now, and it felt like you could make something out of the flirting and teasing that had been going on. However, being with Connor came with other responsibilities that if you were going to commit to him, you'd of course have to commit to them.

It was a huge conversation you'd had one night about a year ago, before you first started dating. Tyler was an amazing kid, and he had a hard time with receiving female attention ever since him mum walked out on him and Connor, but when he was with you things just sort of fell into place naturally.

And this is what had Connor falling harder than he ever thought he would.

You didn't want to move forward with Connor, and not have Tyler understand why you wouldn't always be there, or why his dad's friend was now living with them all of a sudden of why he was moving to you place.

"I love you Y/N and i really want to make this work" he's smiled at you taking your hand as you cried a little.

"I really really love you too. I want you to know that i will look after you both, for as long as you'll let me in every way possible. But we have to talk about what to do going forward, long distance will put a strain on things with all of us!" you'd said tears still in your eyes.

"Baby. My business is already online, i work from home. And i home school Tyler, we can travel with you. The time zone skipping will be hard at first but Tyler will love it, he'll meet so many amazing people and he'll be able to boast to everyone about how cool you are!" Connor comforted you.

"You guys would up and move for me?" you ask in shock.

"Y/N we both love you. I think i have ever since i first met you in the paddock" he smiled shyly.

That was how you'd come to now, it was your 4th F1 season and right now you were 3 points behind Charles Leclerc and 7 points behind Max Verstappen for the world title. You still had a chance of winning it.

You were being interviewed in Silverstone, your home race and were hoping for a win, qually had gone well and you were starting P2 tomorrow, Lewis in front of you, Charles and Max behind you.

"So Y/N, your in points position for the championship, there's only 6 more races left to go of course anything can happen but its tight this year between you Max and Charles! How do you feel about tomorrow's race?" the interviewer asks and you smile starting to answer the question.

However, a small scared voice interrupts.

"Mommy, mommy" is heard and you look down seeing Tyler at your feet pulling at your race suit. You kneel down looking at his panicked expression, his lower lip wobbling as tears brimmed your eyes.

"I cant find daddy, and I got scared and then i saw you. I'm sorry" he cries a little, you comfort him. Kissing the top of his head, you pick the 7 year old boy up and place him on your hip, brushing his hair back a little.

"Can I continue talking with my friends while you stay here with me, then we go find daddy?" you ask him and he nods before putting his head on your shoulder and falling to sleep to the sound of you talking about racing, no doubt dreaming of being just like you, his idol one day.

"Are we getting this right Y/N or did the little boy you stuck up for all those years ago call you his mother?" the interviewer had asked intrigued at the new information.

"Yes, I'm in a relationship with his father, and I've taken on legal guardianship of him as well. I am actually engaged to Connor" you smile, taking your glove off and showing them the engagement ring while trying not to move the sleeping boy as much.

"Oh this is just wonderful news Y/N i think this might just be the best love story of the paddock ever!"

"Ahahaha i wouldn't go that far, there's some great authors out there"

Ah i hope you enjoyed this quick little drabble! It was so fun to write!!

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @the-fem1n1ne-urge @21stcenturytaegi @dark-night-sky-99 @spideybv28 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 x you #formula 1 #formula one #formula one fanfiction #feel the heat f1

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heartfullofleeches · 2 years

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Yandere Male Naga x GN! Reader

3k words. Warning for light gore.

(An: Please don’t apologize for sending asks. You aren’t invading my inbox, I love each and every message I get no matter how many one person sends. Take care and I hope you enjoy it. )

Ever since you were young, you had a love for the slithery inhabitants of earth. Frogs to newts; the more you learned about reptiles and their amphibian family, the more fascinated you became. Now onto the later years of young adulthood, you were studying to become a herpetologist and live out childhood dreams. Unfortunately, outside of school there weren’t many people to talk to about your love of said animals and you had barely any friends outside that department on top of that. With very few choices of ways to make new ones, you opted for the easiest route of searching online.

You browsed various pet forums; most of your interactions being answering questions the curios folk had and commenting on pictures of cute pets. It was a nice way to past the time and you managed to make a couple acquaintances in the process. As much as you enjoyed each individually, none were quite like your longest chat partner.

With on a hike on a natural trail not far from your apartment, you spotted a snake slithering through a nearby creek. It was the beginning of the warmer months of the year, and at the point where they were starting to get more active. Keeping your distance, you snap a quick photo of it before continuing on you way. You honestly forgot about it, until you found it while scrolling through your camera roll the next day. You decide to post it online, just for the hell of it. A few replies thrown your way and you were content. You thought it’d even there – till you received a message in your inbox later that day.

“What a cute little guy. Is his friend as cute as he?~”

Another message comes your way the second you read the first.

“Ha, that was in poor taste of me. Please don’t block me.. I’ve seen you around this site and thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to send you a message.”

Though a bit of a flirt, you and the stranger got along quite well. You talked about reptiles and the like; most of your conversations ending on snakes, and your studies as well. Overtime, other aspects of life began to blend into your texts. Other interests, how living in your respective areas was, and just life in general. His name is Morgan, from what he claimed; your first real friend in a long while.

Eventually, you both work up the courage to exchange pictures of each other. It was slightly difficult to see his face clearly, but you could make out the general shadow and his lips quirked in a mischievous grin. “If you think I’m a fake I’ll gladly send more.” He joked. He had deep brown eyes, hints of yellow bordering like off gems in the darkness of his room. Must be some kind of filter – you concluded. You send one back after, met with instant praise.

“Ah, I knew you’d be stunning. You’re so cute I could just eat you up!”

Time continues further and you continue speaking. You give him your number; his changing ever so often, buy you never went a day without a response. One night, as you getting ready for bed; you received a frantic message from him.

“Y/n! Are you awake?”

“Yea, I’m still up. Is everything ok?”

“Something attacked one of my cameras just now, but I was able to get the footage from it. Check it out.”

As told, he sends you a clip from a surveillance camera. It was pointed downwards towards a grass covered trail; footage grayscale. Morgan told you he lived near a forest, but this was far beyond than that. It was closer to a jungle; vegetation covered every area and trees dominating the landscape. He put cameras throughout it to capture footage of the wildlife within, and the instances like the one now on your screen.

In the distance, the camera recorded the end of something slithering off the man-made path and into the trees; just barely catching its shadow. From the lack how far it was, it was hard to make anything out other than it was big. Just the corner of what you saw was nearly the width of a cow. You could vaguely detail a lighter shade of color on its underside, not much else to be seen.

Silence lingers as the footage remains still – then a crack. The tree holding camera topples over, somehow leaving it in tact and pointed at the sky. You hear the sound of something shuffling through the grass, a large shadow looming over view. It’s hard to tell what the thing is as its body coils around itself, you leaning in to try and determine what it is. It suddenly lungs at the camera, the last thing you see before it shuts off being what looks like a pair of fangs longer than any you’d ever seen.

“What… was that?.”

“I know! I’ve wanted to tell you about it for so long, but I feared you wouldn’t believe me.”

“There’s a legend in my town about a beast in the forest. Larger than any man or animal; ten times stronger than the toughest of either species. Some say it’s even a hybrid of both. I think this is proof it exists!”

You start to believe it’s a prank. “Are you sure?”

“Positive! I wouldn’t bother you with this if I didn’t have more proof to show.”

He sends his proof; all rather damming – or the work of someone who knew their way around scene design. A closer picture of trail the creature left showed just how massive it was; plowed through the earth like a bulldozer with a girth of around twelve yards. There were pieces of what looked like a snakes shedding shattered through the broken land, big enough for you to wrap yourself in twice over. The most chilling photo was that of the tree, a handprint wedged into the wood topped with thin claw marks. Upon a second look at the video, you swear the jaws holding the fangs seem too human like to be anything but. Hollow and cheeks stretched far beyond possible, but human nonetheless.

“This is crazy! Have you told anyone else about it?”

“I don’t trust a soul but you, my dear. Someone might alert the presses before its time. I need more proof if I want the world to believe me.”

“Is what you have already not enough?”

“The world is full of skeptics, Y/n. You can never have enough evidence! Plus someone might get better stuff than what I have if I wait. I plan on to taking a close up photo of it, but even I know it’s not wise to go alone.”

“Who will you go with?”

“That’s where you come in, love.”

“Me?.. What do you mean?”

“I want you to come! Think about it. You’ll be one of the first people to document a never before seen creature. That’s must mean something in your field. Regardless of that, the thought alone must be exciting, no?”

You think over his offer, unsure as to what you should say. He did have a point on both accounts. Before you can reply, he sends yet another message.

“Plus… we can finally meet in person. It’s rather embarrassing, but I’ve wanted that for a while now”

“Alright. Alright. I’ll help you.”

“Yay! I look forward to it, my little mouse.”

“Are you calling that because you plan to use me as bait?”

After discussing things further, you get the location of his town and make plans to meet A quiet place with few towns folk keen on speaking with you.. Unfortunately, Morgan is unable to meet on the night you get in, but he promises to see you soon. As apology, - and because you spoke of it before, he gives you directions to where you’d stay for your visit. An RV on the outskirts of town; key tucked under the welcome mat just for you. A gift from a relative moving out of state – as he told.

The interior was spacious; kept tidy and sectioned off between bedding and other activities. You knew Morgan had turned the van into a mini research lab, but you hasn’t expected all this much. Tables stacked with notebooks and books on animal behavior; a computer opened with various camera views of the forest beyond. A map was pinned to a board on the wall, thread connects to tacks spread across a makeshift drawing of the woods – detailing the creature’s travel patterns.

Setting your belongings aside, you suppose he wouldn’t mind if you looked through what he had down. You pick up one of the journals, getting comfortable on the bed before you read. Opening the book at random, you note that some pages had been torn from the spine.

“Day 1,

It’s my first night out here. The quietness of the forest is pretty relaxing. I tried asking around town to see of anyone could inform me about the stories more with no luck. I’ll head out first thing tomorrow.”

“Day 2,

No luck with my search. When I got back, I noticed tire tracks in the dirt. Not like the van had moved itself, but as if it were pushed to the side. There were strands of black hair by one of the tires. None of us have dark hair.”

“Day 13,

I finally saw it. At least its tail. From appearance, it seems to be a speckled king snake, but the species isn’t native to the area, nor are they that huge. If I had to guess, it was longer than the van.

“Day,

I found it’s cave. It was sleeping, so I was able to put a tracker on it, but it woke up. It saw me-"

You close the book, chills running through you. You understood the dangers of coming out here, but this was something else entirely. Who was this “us” he mentioned anyway? You place the book where it came from, focusing the rest of your energy on getting comfortable within the sheets. The trip so far had you pretty tired and you needed your rest. You send Morgan a final message before you shut your eyes - the distance sound of a photos chime unheard by your ears.

You’re awoken by a powerful force slamming against the side of the RV, rattling its walls with you along with it. Startled by the distance, you sit up, looking around for the source. The night still hung high in the sky; the shadow of the moon raining over the window. Upon second glance, the shadow is not that of a celestial being but of a indescribable form pressed against the glass. It drags thin nails along the pale, webbing between its fingers translucent from the light of the moon. You stare in silent terror, mind blank except for trying to process what you just witnessed. It eventually remembers it has a body; you rushing for the door – safety the last thought in your head.

The monster vanished as quickly as it arrived, leaving you dumbfounded in the doorway. The cold air slaps you in the face, waking you from your trance the creature had over you. You sit at the steps, body trembling from the encounter. Against the voice in your head's demands, you stay put. As terrified as you were, you just had to know more, but you’d have to wait.

You climb back in bed, unable to sleep for the rest of the night. By the time morning had crept in, you still hadn’t gotten a response from Morgan. You were starting to get antsy. Leaving without him was the only thing you didn’t want to do, but your patience was run thin. The mystery of the unknown had you completely entangled; a grip that refused to let go.

By the time noon rolled around, you finally gave in and decided to go without him. You carefully unlinked the map from the wall, tracing the thread's lines with a pen. As you gathered things for the journey, oddities began appearing. Some of the journals were written in a different handwriting. Clothes of various sizes tucked in corners. Had your brain not been hopped up on adrenaline, you would have taken the clears signs of warning and ran. Instead, you ignore and hike towards the groove of trees.

The trees block out the sun in an instance, the holes of which it’s ray poke through just barely enough for you to see. Map in hand, you navigate through the thick forest with relative easy. According to the map; marked with bold marker, the beast’s home was directly in the heart of the woods – damn near a straight path from where you were. You come across the tree from in the video, trunk split clean in half. The ration part of your brain makes you dig your heels into the dirt, but the determined part keeps you going.

Time treks on, and so do you – eventually finding the cave where the beast lie. Any warmth in the air was snuffed; dragged in by the abyss of its entrance. Water dampened the earth below like a miniature moat, your foot falling almost ankle deep as you step by. You pull out a flashlight from the bag you had taken; light reflecting on the shine of the cave's walls. Your footsteps echo no matter how quietly you attempt to walk, dread hitting like a hammer with each step.

As you reach the end of the cave, you somehow almost miss the sleeping mass in the corner. Gigantic; wide – blackish-brown scales blending with background of the cave. Yellow scales mixed and hid under the darker ones; leaving it identifiable as a king snake as the journal had foretold. A snake known for its deadly constriction. From the way it was collided around itself, you couldn’t see its face and that was probably for the better. If it woke up now, it had the capabilities to swallow you whole if it didn’t crush you to death first.

You pull out your phone, snapping a few pictures of the creature while you could. The flashlight helps you get a clearer shot of it, but your phone was too small to catch its full size. You take a couple steps back for a better angle, tripping over an unseen force. It cracks under your heel, causing you to freeze. You had come very little debris in the cave, so you hadn’t bothered to check the further you went. You look down to see what it was, almost dropping your phone and light in the process.

A human skull rests at your feet; completely stripped of muscle and skin. Its broken jaw lies under your shoe, panic rising up your leg. Looking around the cave, there’s more remains littered about; most by or crushed by the snake’s tail. As you become more aware of your surroundings your other senses kick in; a faint coppery scent masked by the smell of murky water. You needed to get out of here. Fast. You turn your flashlight back on the snake, heart squeezing in your chest as you do so. It was moving.

It had been from the start.

Small, twitching movements that now delved into the unraveling of its body as it stirred. Its upper torso begins to rise, scales declining into human skin the further it rose on its spine. Yellow freckles lined its shoulders, skin ashened. Clawed fingers wipe gore from its mouth as it turns to face you; forked tongue clearing blood from it extended fangs. It’s other arm cradles a broken corpse, bites of flesh torn from its neck and limbs bent an unnatural way. Familiar eyes smile warmly as you, the body collapsing to the floor unharmoniously as it spreads its arms towards you. The irises were thinner now; piercing.

As if matters could get more terror inducing, it opens its mouth once more. Not to lash out at you, but it greet you with warmth; tongue fluent in human language.

“Y/n! What a surprise to see you, my love~ Had I known you were coming I would’ve cleaned up more.”

It laughs. A deep rumbling cackle that mocks the shocked look on your face. You can’t process it. You had seen the videos and pictures. You felt its presence last night. You had heard his voice before.

“M….morgan?”

His face melts into a soft expression. “Yes, my beloved? I know this must all be a shock to you, but I assure you I am he.”

He pulls out a phone, the device looking like a child’s tool in his hands.

“The internet is a fantastic place, don’t you agree? I’ve never gotten this much food so quickly in all my years! As wonderful as that is, never did I think that I’d find my mate there as well.”

You shiver as he licks his lips. “Mate?”

“Yes darling.” He’s on you before you even blink, wrapping his tail around you only to keep you still. It’s only when you struggle that his hold tightens; not enough to hurt, but to render you motionless. An act of tough love. His hands snake around your upper body, face pressing against your neck. The slender muscle of his tongue kisses your skin; a cavernous purr leaving his lips as he takes in your scent.

“As you may know, snakes don’t mate for life, but I tend to stick our from the crowd. I’ve longed for another to hold for ages, and you’ve been the only perfect candidate. Such an adorable passion you have for your field of work, and a cute face on top of that. Oh, your scent alone soothes me greatly, my precious mouse.”

Morgan nozzles your cheek, sapping your warmth against his rough skin. Now that he had you, he’d never let go. You manage to wiggle one arm free, attempting to distance yourself much to his disappointment.

“I’m… flattered, but there’s no way I can stay here. I have a life outside and there’s things I need to-"

He squeezes you to his chest, cutting off your sentence.

“Don’t worry about a thing, Y/n. I’ve done my research, I’ll take such good care of you you’ll never think of another again. I had that van fixed really well for you, did you not like it? Those researchers were so messy, but I made sure they did a good job before they expired.”

You gulp, not enjoying his choice of words. You’re forced to look up at him; persistence and obsession swirling in his eyes.

“Do you need more? I can get rid of someone in town and you can have a nice home – the whole town if you so wish. Anything for you, so long as you be a good mate and stay by my side.”

His fingers course up the end of your spine; voice dropping to a whisper. “I’ve even studied human pleasure, if intimacy is what you truly crave.”

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 10 months

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Ough augh uhm uh. Any of the mandela catalogue victims (you can pick!!) with a long-distance friend reader who keeps an eye on them and opens their home up to them and their family they would want to evacuate? They just want to help in anyway they can :(

Yeah! Also in terms of "long distance" we'll say Reader lives in a different county with no Alternates or Alternate activity reported (but they're still aware of the invasion bc they keep up with the news).

......

Adam

As much as he appreciates you keeping in touch, he's dead set on staying where he is and and investigating Alternates.

He refuses to leave. Like ever.

After hearing about Jonah's death your concern over his safety only grows, and you even tell him he can bring Evelin should he change his mind-

Only to quickly learn they broke up a while ago, with him not even caring about her either..

Still, you insist that it's not too late for him to leave, though part of you fears that M.A.D already got to him (or you weren't actually speaking to Adam anymore).

His "obsession" with the Alternates has gone too far and you even threaten to drive down to Mandela yourself to convince him.

But he snaps that he doesn't want to be found by anybody before hanging up.

You haven't heard from him since, as he ignores your phone calls and PMs. You presume he's dead.

Cesar

He trusts you a lot despite the long distance and would 100% take you up on that offer.

But only if his mom is allowed to come along, of course. Though you assure him there's plenty of room for them both!

As much as he hates to leave the town and school, it's simply too dangerous for them to stay any longer.

He thought the broadcasts were just fear-mongering tactics if anything, but if you believe they're serious enough to warrant an evacuation...he'll take it seriously too

He hoped Mark would come with them, but unfortunately he doesn't trust you, an online "stranger", 100%. You understand though.

So he's left behind in Mandela.

And Vol 1 plays out as normal.

If Cesar ever learned that his friend died to an Alternate...he's gonna hold onto that guilt for a while, wishing he could have convinced him more.

Jonah

Your late night texts/calls have stopped him from having one too many panic attacks about everything that's been going on in Mandela.

He confides in you about the pressure he feels running from the law and BPS missions, and you simply listen. You reassure him he doesn't have to keep doing this.

If he ever wanted to leave, you'll let him and his dad stay with you; you give him your address and tell him just to consider it.

Let's say he survives Vol 2 by destroying the radio so Six stopped talking, before driving nonstop until he reaches your place, frantically knocking on your door.

When he finally sees you face-to-face for the first time....he immediately cries into your arms, exhausted.

It takes him a while to calm down, and even longer for him to confess that he abandoned Adam.

He's torn whether he was selfish or not for leaving, but just like always you're on Team Jonah, reassuring him that he did the right thing.

Adam, on the other hand, was like a lost cause. He could've gotten both of them killed.

Mark

Besides Cesar, you became a good friend of his despite only ever hearing your voice through calls and online chats.

You sound like a genuinely kind person, always looking out for him and up for talking into the late hours whenever he felt stressed or depressed.

When broadcasts of the Alternate invasion came out, you invited him to stay with you in your county--which was completely free of those "demons", as he called them.

He jumps at the first opportunity, not caring about school or anything anymore, packing whatever he needed.

Poor guy's far too paranoid to live in Mandela anymore.

He feels kinda awkward staying in your guest room, often asking you if it's alright for him to pray.

Whether you're religious or not, you reassure him it is. He's safe.

#rip adam but the other guys are built different #clanask #mandela catalogue x reader #tmc x reader #adam murray #cesar torres #jonah marshall #mark heathcliff #platonic #headcanons

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lexfoster · 1 year

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Finding My Self in "We're All Going to the World's Fair"

originally posted on goodfeed content warnings for discussions of depression, suicidal ideations, and predatory relationships

Sometimes I still think about Erick. At least, I think his name was Erick. His email is still in my contacts, though it’s been a decade since we last spoke. Back then, I was a junior in high school, on my first antidepressant, and doing everything I could to distance myself from me. There was no big trauma, no life altering mind fuck to inspire the absolute hatred I had for living in my body. Just a suffocating loneliness. That’s when I found the tumblr roleplay community. I was raised on fanfiction and had written my fair share, but there was something different about roleplaying. I became that character, immersing myself in that fictional world. The numbness I felt about my own life was replaced by the intense wants, fears, grief of someone else. The emotional connections that my depression had severed became usurped by the relationships my character had with other characters. It was all text on a screen, but it was a life when I didn’t feel like living my own. In high school, I was a ghost. But when I wrote as my character, suddenly there was something solid to me. At the very least , I was solid enough to make contact with keys on a keyboard.

Erick was one of my writing partners. He wrote my character’s best and oldest friend, something I, in my real life, had lost not too long prior (Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes you love people more than they love you). We would talk “out of character”, mostly about plot stuff, but with sprinkles of real life. Hey, what’s up? How was your day? This person whose face I only ever saw in a selfie he posted became someone I spoke to daily. Then, one day, he didn’t respond. A couple days of silence, then he wrote that he’d been in a car accident, but he was recovering and doing okay. We went back to frequent communications, just not as frequent as before. And then a little while later, he was gone. I like to think that he’s fine, just got bored of the game we were playing or stopped caring about the character he wrote. Maybe something bad happened during his recovery. Maybe there was never a car accident at all. Who knows? Not me, that’s for sure. And while I still think about him every so often, he's not really on my mind much.

Then today, I watched We’re All Going to the World’s Fair. Written, directed, and edited by Jane Schoenbrun, the movie follows young person, Casey, as she takes part in this online game called the World’s Fair Challenge. It’s a roleplay viral challenge where people film themselves saying “I want to go to the world’s fair” three times, draw their own blood, smear it on their computer screen, and watch a strobe light video. After that, people would film their "progression" of going, essentially, crazy. After initiating the "ritual", Casey seems to disassociate from her body, losing control of herself and her actions. But it’s a roleplay game. A horror one, but it isn’t real. None of it is real. Until it is. Or is it? On the other side of Casey’s screen, there’s a man in his 40s who just goes by JLB. He watches and responds to her videos, though Casey never sees his face. It’s part of the game, too. But that line between reality and fantasy begins to blur and at the end, he’s scared that it’s no longer a game for her. Via Skype, he asks to speak out of character, asking if she’s okay, if she’s really going to kill her father or herself. At first, she seems confused. This was a game? But then there’s a switch, and of course she knows it’s a game. None of it is real. Why is he getting scared? She ends the call and tells him to never call her again. Calls him a pedophile. We fast forward and he's making a video about how he saw Casey a year after that Skype call. That she was doing a theater program in Manhattan now. That she apologized for how she left things and after that night a year ago she'd gone to an inpatient care center for a couple months. According to him, at the end of the night they hugged and parted ways. But we don't see it, we only see JLB on his end of the screen, speaking to no one.

In the end, we’re left with uncertainty and no clear answers. We don’t even really know who the two characters are. Is Casey her real name? Were any of her moments of disassociation real? Did any of the events JLB described really happen? Was the man a pedophile, or just lonely? Does it even matter when the dynamic was inherently predatory? I’ve seen critiques of the film that point to the lack of answers, the ambiguity. But ambiguity is the only thing that's certain online. We don’t know who is on the other side of our screens. And sometimes, we don’t really know our own selves in front of it.

Right before the film’s climax, there’s a line Casey says in the midst of what seems to be a breaking point. “I swear, someday soon, I am just gonna disappear and you won't have any idea what happened to me.” Yes, I thought of Erick and how one day he was there and the next he was gone. I thought about how I’ll never have any idea what happened to him, or if anything he shared with me was real. I thought of the fleetingness of that connection, and so many more that I made over the years behind that screen. I thought of all the lies I was probably told without any way of knowing they were lies. But I also thought about myself. My own phantom of self. I often cite roleplaying on tumblr as something that saved my life, and a part of me still thinks it did. I was self harming, suicidal, isolating myself from everyone in my life. Roleplaying was my life jacket. But when I finished watching We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, the only "review" I could put into words was that when you’re drowning within yourself, sometimes your life jacket only offers the illusion of safety. Did becoming so disconnected from who I was save me, or did it just enable my deep desire to disappear? It’s been a decade now and I still haven’t fully found that kid I used to be. When I think of my life as a series of portraits, I am translucent for so many of them. Or I am painted in the style of people who never existed.

Or did they?

Maybe we'll never know.

#We're All Going to the World's Fair #Jane Schoenbrun #horror essay #personal essay #i wasn't able to also talk about the way the film parallels my relationship to my gender #and how that journey was incredibly helpful in beginning to reconnect to my body #but i just want to put it in the tags here bc it's a disservice not to #anyways i wrote a thing #mine

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mirisss · 2 years

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Close As Strangers

Inspired by 5SOS “Close as Strangers”.

Summary: Dating an idol isn’t as easy as one might believe with time zones and tours.

Warnings: Long distance, angst, distrust in a relationship, I think that’s it.

Wordcount: ≈ 1.4k

Pairing: Bang Chan x afab! reader

No one has ever said that dating an idol would be easy. It isn’t easy to date anyone but especially not an idol. Bang Chan made (Y/n) feel special and he made her feel like the only girl in the world. Life with Chris was wonderful until tours began again. Chris and (Y/n) met a year before covid came, they became good friends and during covid, they fell in love with each other so after many discussions with the company Chris asked (Y/n) out and since then they have been dating. And while covid was highly active around the world Chris and (Y/n) could spend a lot of time together, he only had online tours so he was always home. (Y/n) worked within the company but she didn’t really work with SKZ nor did she have a position that allowed her to travel with groups on their tours. Nope. She was stuck at the company, in Seoul. So now that SKZ was preparing for a tour, (Y/n) was terrified. She wants to support them, and she does, as a Stay but as Chan’s girlfriend not as much but still more. She was conflicted. (Y/n) loved seeing Chan being happy doing what he loves, seeing him and the others succeed, was a dream. But the thought of being away from Chris for 6 months without being able to see him… Doesn’t sound like something you really want to support.

“We’ll be an okay babe. We can text and we can call like every day. We’ll figure something out,” Chan was trying to stay positive both for (Y/n) and for himself. He had his worries, but he also believed in their love. “I know. We can do this. I’ll miss you. I’ll miss sitting in the studio listening to you as you work, talking about nonsense late at night when we can’t sleep, I’ll miss your hugs, I’ll miss everything about you, but we can do this,” (Y/n) felt a tear drop slip out of her eye and as she reached to wipe it away Chris lifted his hand and gently cradled her face to wipe it away while giving her a sad smile. “I’ll miss everything about you too. It will be hard but if anyone can get through this it will be us,” And so they shared one last kiss before Chan had to board the plane, leaving the love of his life behind. They both broke down in tears after they parted but they tried to stay strong.

The first few weeks were alright. They spoke every day over the phone and texted as often as they could, to try and mimic the life they had irl before. However, as the sixth week apart comes closer things began changing. The phone calls became shorter until they became fewer and fewer, and the text too became close to none. Chris had a day off so he called (Y/n), once, twice, and 7 times before she answered with a sad and annoyed tone. “What?” (Y/n) had not reflected upon who was calling her, she was stressed about work and upset about the situation with Chris so here she was - awake in the middle of the night crying as she worked on a project for an upcoming meeting… “(Y/n)... hi, it’s Chris” Chan was taken aback by her tone and he realized that perhaps he should have thought about the time difference between them. “Oh, sorry. hi.” They both felt the awkward atmosphere, no one said anything for a whole minute. “How are you?” “Good.” “(Y/n), don’t lie. I can hear that something’s up,” She let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know Chris, I’m just tired. Work is stressing me out and we barely talk anymore, it’s just tiring,” “I feel the same, it’s stressful for me too. The time zones aren’t kind to us but we can do this,” “Yeah, I have to go. It’s late and I have a meeting in the morning,” “Oh, okay. Good night sleep well. I love you,” “I love you too,” Chan thought about their conversation the entire day, he felt a gap growing between them but he didn’t want that to happen so he tried his hardest to text (Y/n) as often as he could and she responded with the same method but eventually work began hindering them again.

Chris began seeing (Y/n) everywhere they went. He was so desperate to see her face that he began imagining her in the crowd, eventually, even his imagination wasn’t strong enough to conjure her appearance in the crowd, she simply blended into the thousand faces of the crowd. Chris was sure that even if she would be in the crowd right in front of him he wouldn’t recognize her because it has been so long. Was it worth it? Trying this? He still had 3 months of tour left.

(Y/n) wasn’t doing much better either. At first, she always stayed up a little extra late waiting for Chan to walk through the door and come lay down in bed with her to talk about their days. Now, she has forgotten how it feels to be in his embrace. How it feels to be in love. She felt like they were nothing more than strangers now. (Y/n) wished and prayed that they could get through this but every day was harder and worse than the last. Were they just talking on a broken line? But she can’t give up, no matter how much it hurts.

5 months in and they haven’t spoken over the phone for 2 weeks. Chris began forgetting how (Y/n)’s voice sounded, (Y/n) had SKZ songs and Chan’s room. But Chan had only their phone calls. Now they finally had time to speak. “Hello,” As soon as he answered (Y/n) broke down in tears. “I miss you, I can’t do this anymore, please, it hurts, I just… I just want to be with you,” “I know, I miss you too (Y/n). God, it hurts so much being without you. I can barely sleep at night because I don’t have you beside me. I miss hearing your voice. I wish you were here or that I was there” Chris began feeling like he shouldn’t have gone, but he knew he can’t think like that. Music and SKZ were his life, what he always wanted so how could he choose between that and his girlfriend? He couldn’t, or rather he wouldn’t. At the end of the day, he would have to choose music if he ever had to choose, be he didn’t want to. They spoke for as long as they could, however, most of that time was spent by them crying. “I love you (Y/n),” “I think I love you too Chris,”

A few more weeks went by and our hurting couple was definitely doing just that. Hurting. But now, the last day of the tour was over. Tomorrow Chris was going back home. Back to (Y/n). He just hoped that it wasn’t too late. That they could still be a couple. He knew things had changed but Chris still believed in their love. They might have been as close as strangers when he was on tour but now he was back home and they were everything but strangers there. He was going to fight for their relationship because he knew he loved (Y/n). Chris came up with a plan when he was on tour, a way for them to be together when he was on tour. (Y/n) was brilliant with managing things and the group had met a lot of troubles on their tour with things not being managed well enough. So maybe, he could speak with JYP and convince them to give (Y/n) a new job - as their tour manager. That way, (Y/n) would go everywhere that Chan went.

No more distance, no more broken lines. No more feeling like they were as close as strangers.

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aclaywrites · 3 months

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Oh lord yes. I’ve placed a few and answered many more. Back in the day there weren’t many options, and since I didn’t want to play softball, and bars are too late at night for me, I did what I could.

I have to back up a bit, because my first experiences with personal ads weren’t for dates, they were for friends. Back in the 80s in music magazines people wrote in and placed ads looking for pen pals aka people with whom you could write letters and swap mixtapes etc. I answered plenty. The best ones were in Star Hits (the us equivalent of the British Smash Hits) because the people (girls) who read that one were into the best bands— Siouxsie and Bauhaus etc— and you’d end up in the best zine circles etc. I never got one of mine accepted and published in Star Hits, but I did get one in Bop magazine and got letters for over a year from people wanting to be friends. Most of them were from people far away, but one girl was from a different part of okc and we became pen pals then friends in real life and soon I was at her house every weekend and we were caught up in one of those teen girl all consuming affairs (think Heavenly Creatures). It was my first real love and real step into being a lesbian, but it was just a teen fling for her, so after a few years it ended.

Then later in life when I was looking for love once again, I turned to the lesbian personals. Not many in the local paper, and I was always hoping to be somewhere else, so I was always reading the Deneuve mag ads and answering those. Rarely any luck, most of them went unanswered, though there was an occasional bright spot.

I corresponded with one gal in Vermont for about six months (actual pen and paper letters which took days to go back and forth). We progressed to phone calls (expensive long distance phone calls) and it was feeling very nice. We liked the same books, same movies, she said she liked to be the boss in bed. I fell pretty hard and when she invited me to come visit, I bought a greyhound bus ticket and spend three days getting to Burlington , whereupon she introduced me to her boyfriend. Sigh.

When I moved to London, I placed an ad looking for hot girls and/or Buffy fans, but no luck. By then things were moving online and I was out of the loop for a while. It wasn’t until I was divorced and back in the us before I availed myself of personal ads once again, though by now they were called dating app profiles. I never used those to look for love, though. Just a summertime shag when my daughter was away. That was fairly effective until the last time I tried it, when my quest for sex unexpectedly brought me the love of my life, something I never knew existed and which has been nothing but magic ever since. So it goes to show you never can tell.

#lesbian queries #lesbian query of the day #lesbian #lesbian history #herstory #lesbian artists #lesbian art #personal ads #lesbian love #dykes to watch out for #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq community #lgbt love

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angelsunoo · 10 months

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Stay with me/ lhs

CHAPTER 3 smau + written

PAIRINGS bf!heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE long distance relationship, fluff,angst, crack, smau and written, sad

SUMMARY long distance relationships were never fun. Given that your boyfriend studied in another country. A lot of time was missed, hugs and kisses you both barely shared. Missing him was the hardest part. But for how long can you keep trusting him?

WARNING swearing, heeseung cheats on reader, cheating, mentions of suicide, nicknames (angel, baby, babe)

READ AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END of the chapter !

TAGLIST OPEN! SEND AN ASK IF YOU WANNA BE TAGGED <3

This shithead. Sunghoon forgot to fetch you and it has almost been an hour. You swore you would beat him up later.

You roll your eyes at your friends. You love them, but sometimes you feel like you want to murder them. Ever since you started dating Heeseung, his friends became yours. You started hanging at with them and found out they were really fun people to be with.

You asked Hoon to fetch you earlier today, but he forgot. He was probably zooning at again(#lutang). You phone creates a ping sound, alerting that someone has messaged you. You pulled your phone from your pocket.

Ah. Him.

Your heart races, as you tapped on the notification.

Oh. Y/N again. It's okay, Y/N. No big deal. You decide to send him a message, you're not going to call him your nickname for him to sound dry. Plus, he would chat you so you don't get bored waiting for Sunghoon, you thought.

'Okay. This is okay,' You thought. He's ending the conversation already. You pout. The convo didn't even last 10 minutes. Then again, he might be busy. But. You remember what Jungwon said. He was often online in their gc... (they have another gc)

Whatever.

You contemplate whether you should send him an 'I love you' again, since, you know. You fear he might reply with hearts. Fucking hearts.

Author's note: Hello! You made it in the end! Thank you saur maurch for reading this chapter 🧡 Sorry if the story isn't getting anywhere yet, but this chapter is to see if heeseung still cares 😭 what do yall think? Do you think he still actually cares? Or?? (Send an ask to lmk what you think )

TAGLIST @whippedforbeomgyu @sssoeres @deobitifull @moonmoongi

#enhypen x reader #enhypen angst #heeseung x reader #enhypen #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smau #heeseung fluff #stay with me #heeseung angst #enhypen fluff

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dutchforstrangers · 7 months

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Hello...

... It's me. I was wondering if after all these years months you'd like to meet.

Long and personal post incoming, gotta get some things off of my chest. And due to the pregnancy and my maternity leave I have lots of time to overthink and reflect as I crawl my way back to here. No need to read, but if you do so, thank you for hearing me out (:

It's September 2023. Time to look back and reflect for a bit.

After September/October 2022, I kinda spiraled down and became less and less active in fandom. Mostly on Tumblr, but quickly on fanfiction-platforms and Discord as well. I distanced myself from far away friend, acquintances, as well as from closer friends. With that my focus shifted from everything online to everything offline. That shift was partially due to the whole "debacle" from September 2022 and all of its implications, but also because of the exciting things that started to unfold in my private life at the same time.

In November 2022 we (boyfriend and me) bought our first house together! And let me tell you that buying houses takes looooooots of focus and energy. At the same time, the Foundation I started earlier that year with a business partner and friend began to take off more and more and beside all of that I was working, teaching and dancing my ass off. I was met with the reality of life and the fast pace it was gaining, so I did the thing that felt right to do which was going with that flow.

Aside from that, music (Stray Kids - a Kpop band in particular) got me good and the fandom I found gave me consolation and -in a way- salvation from the aftermath of earlier said debacle. Sadly for Digimon-fandom and everything and everyone around and involved in it, that was when focusing on the online world slowly became too much for me. Resulting in fading myself more and more into the background.

In December 2022, we signed all the papers and moved out of our old apartment in the city I was born in. For the first time ever in my life I would be leaving my one and only hometown and it was bittersweet. On top of all that, I got crazy sick right before and during our move, as if my body was resetting itself and telling me this would indeed be the start of some sort of closure. A new path laid ahead!

I had a hard time listening to it though and I kept trying to find ways and come up with new ideas to get back to fandom in 2023 better than ever before. Looking back on that now, that only made me more tired, trying to hold on to the things I was used to instead of feeling confident enough to let go and make the changes I apparently needed...

In comes 2023.

January started with fireworks as usual. Little did I know that another bang would easily outdo the colorful spectacle rising the night's sky on New Year's Eve. Because one week later, I was holding a positive pregnancy test. For everyone who's good at counting, count the months and you'll know it's baby's due date any day now!

Pregnancy was a blessing to me, to us, since we had more trouble conceiving than luck over the past year and a bit. Apparently, the new house and my body resetting was exactly what I needed in my offline life, but in my online life as well. It sort of destroyed all of my ideas for the online-comeback I had been preparing in my head which I felt I was fine with quickly. What I was less okay with, was the way my now pregnant-body-energy was kinda disturbing my friendships, relationships and dynamics with the people I had met online over the course of time.

Interactions didn't stop, but I had a very hard time keeping up and so everything lessened, up till the point where I was -partially unaware- neglecting certain people I had built special bonds with. That has never been my intentions and it'll bug me forever...! But as life (and pregnancy) kept going full speed, I felt where my focus was needed most and so everything -especially me myself- shifted direction.

It wasn't easy for me, but I imagine how much harder it must have been for some of the (online) people around me. I'm well aware of that and believe me as I say I feel guilty and still rather heavy about it. In a way, that's super selfish of me, but again, it seemed as if shifting my focus was exactly what I needed.

I gave myself time and space to be in the moment and reality and that worked wonders for me. I enjoyed my growing belly a lot and all of the baby kick and shuffling inside of it. The idea of this little bundle of a human being leaving my body soon and thus physically leaving me alone by myself again is a sensation I can't really explain. All I know is that it'll be intense and very emotional for me.

The insights this whole overthinking and (inner) process brought me, however, will be worth it. I can feel the tingling of something bubbling.

The process and the focus on me, the here and now, my partner and life growing inside of me gave me the room to breathe again. And that in its turn showed me that the creativity and love for the fandom was never really gone! Though I realized it had become toxic to me, which was why I was experiencing the turmoil towards fandom the way I was experiencing it. I was only focusing on the things that made me sad and overcoming those things as a form of redemption, rather than on what made me return to fandom back in 2021.

When that insight suddenly hit me, I could feel the urge to return in a pace that suits me slooooowly flow back. Probably with ups and downs, but I'll take that.

Present day and to be honest I still feel hurt by what happened one year ago. Due to that, I will forever be anxious and cautious about returning to fandom and the different platforms with whatever form of creative output. Because let's be real, I did become fully shipping-demotivated, got unwantingly rid of my creative and writing-energy and got robbed from my fandom-appettite for a long while because of the fires I had to go through or tried to put down. And I haven't been able to heroically rise from the ashes the way I had imagined.

Instead I came out sad, burned out and confused. I felt bullied by the situation, certain happenings and people. At the same time I was and am still wondering whether people see me as the one who bullied... And that hurts as well, which is a burden I will always carry with me.

So it won't be easy to return and I have no idea in what time frame I will be able to do so. Especially because this once safe place got damaged by others and myself.

Don't get me wrong, I still think this is a safe place to a lot of people and I know it still is one for me as well. Cuz if it wasn't, I would've never written this down and posted this here, right? But how I see it now, is that I have to build that safe space up again., For myself and others, not just for others and what they think of me!

In the heat of hell, other things sparkled. And now a new flame will slow burn into my life soon. Maybe it'll rekindle some kind of my own online fandom-fire to mix with new sparks and breezes. To create a nice and welcoming (thunder)storm that none of us, and especially me, had seen coming.

We'll see.

#personal post #long post

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babyjakes · 2 years

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must be fate. [part one.]

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

next part →

summary | after unexpectedly connecting online with chris evans, you experience an even greater miracle by running into him at your favorite local cafe. though your life has been difficult lately, chris seems to know all the right things to say to get you feeling (at least a little bit) better.

pairing | chris evans x internet friend!reader

warnings | mentions of poor mental health (depression, loneliness), *slight* mentions of suicidal thoughts (passive, no specifics/plans/details), chris being the sweetest human being ever <3

word count | 1,231

requested by anon | chris evans x (non actress) reader where reader is feeling depressed recently and has no one to talk to and thought of venting out to chris by sending a DM through IG and after a few vents, surprisingly chris replies to her and maybe with a little help from fate chris and reader meet unexpectedly and chris recognizes her, you can add/modify some details, maybe this time some fluff?

an | hi i am SO sorry it took me so wrong to write this one but!!! i finally got around to it! fluffy, comforting chris is exactly what i’ve been needing lately so here we go! i hope you enjoy! thanks so much for your wonderful ideas <3 (i like did not really know how to make chris and reader bump into each other very realistically so i just made the setting boston? since he’s an ma guy? idk)

Taking a sip of your coffee, you tuck your head down into your book, doing your best to blend in as you sit alone at your table in one of your favorite little cafes. The place is quite busy with people bustling all about, chatting and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. You’re just around because you needed to get out; you’ve been having a terrible past few weeks and couldn’t stand sitting by yourself at home for another minute.

“Y/n! Y/n,” you hear a deep voice calling faintly from across the room, starling you slightly. Glancing up warily, your eyes land on the last person you’d ever expect to meet in person or to be calling your name: Chris Evans.

“Ch-Chris?” you stutter out as he makes his way over to your table-for-two, a cup of coffee in hand. His deep blue eyes connect with yours as a smile graces his face, appearing delighted to see you. “Oh my god, hi. I- wh-what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been in the area for a few days, just hanging out,” he explains casually, pulling out the empty chair across from you. “Oh,” he pauses before planting himself down, “is it alright if I sit?”

“O-of course,” you stumble, still unable to believe that he’s truly in front of you. He’s been one of your favorite people for a long time, but up until now it’s always been from a distance. You started out like any other fan, and then a few months ago you had decided to reach out to him over Instagram when your collapsing world finally became too much for you to bottle up inside. By some miracle, he had read your messages and responded, which led to the two of you slowly becoming friends through the app, leading Chris to eventually give you his number.

While all of that had felt like a dream already, this was something else entirely. Now he was here, right in front of you. He had recognized you from all the way across the crowded café, and took the initiative to come and sit down. You can hardly believe in.

“I can’t believe it, I’m so glad I get to meet you,” Chris says, the words seeming much more like something you should be saying to him.

“Y-yeah, I- me too,” you agree quickly, shutting your book on the table in front of you and tucking your hair behind your ear self-consciously, embarrassed that he’s seeing you in such a state. Things have been getting progressively worse since you met Chris online, and honestly, right now you’re a mess. You didn’t even bother to brush out your hair or put on any makeup before you left home, not thinking anyone would be getting close enough to notice or care. “Wow, I-… this is unreal,” you admit, feeling a slight blush rise up through your cheeks.

“Guess it must be fate,” he says, his smile widening slightly. The warmth and kindness in his expression tugs at your heart; it’s been forever since the last time someone looked at you with such tenderness. “You come here often?” he asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Oh, y-yeah. I… this place is my favorite,” you tell him.

“Yeah, it’s pretty great,” he agrees, “I try to stop in whenever I’m in town. It’s too bad we haven’t run into each other before,” he comments, still surprising you with how truly thrilled he is to be meeting you. “How are you doing?” he asks, his voice softening up a bit as a hint of concern flashes in his eyes.

At his gentle words, you suddenly feel tears threatening to spill over as a wave of emotion washes over you. You can’t remember the last time someone spoke those words to you, and now that Chris is asking, you feel like if you open your mouth and begin speaking, you might not be able to stop.

“Hey,” he murmurs, his concern only growing as he sees the tears built up in your eyes. “Y/n… do you wanna talk? I don’t have anything going on right now, and it seems like you could use someone to talk to.” His voice is sweet and soft, his words kind and sincere, only making your urge to spill everything to him grow stronger.

“Sorry,” you shake your head as you wipe at your eyes shamefully, “I-I’m okay, I just-… I’m okay,” you lie, not wanting to burden him with your problems or waste his time. He’s Chris Evans, you think to yourself, surely he has better things to be doing than listening to my sob story. He’s already done so much for me. “I’m sure you’re plenty busy with… I… I’m sorry,” you repeat.

“No, it’s alright,” Chris presses, seeing right through the brave front you’re putting on. “Really, I’m not busy. Don’t be sorry, y/n. I finally get to see you in person, and I can finally be here for you like you’ve needed someone to be for so long. Please, doll. I can tell you’re not okay,” he tells you gently.

Swallowing down a lump that’s formed in your throat, you sigh as tears begin trailing down your cheeks, no longer concealable at this point. Besides, you can tell that Chris senses just how exhausted and miserable you are, and you decide that you truly just don’t have the energy to hold it together any longer.

“I… I’m getting worse,” you admit quietly, your eyes falling to your lap as your fingers fiddle nervously with the spine of your book. “Everything’s just getting worse.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” he breathes, his brow raised in concern as he leans in slightly towards you, wanting to show you that he’s listening.

“I-I’m doing the best that I can, I-I swear… I just… I hate this, this life. I just… I just wish everything would stop,” you sniffle as more tears fall into your lap.

“Y/n,” he says, and suddenly you feel warmth against your fingers. Looking up slightly, you see that he’s placed his much larger hand over your own, and has begun to slowly run his thumb across your skin softly. “Can you look at me?” Timidly, you raise your gaze to meet his, and the look of care and worry in his eyes is indescribable. “Hey. It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart,”he tells you seriously. “I know everything’s a lot right now. And it’s okay to feel overwhelmed; I totally get why you do. But everything’s gonna be alright. You’re not alone anymore, okay? I’m right here with you. See?” he asks, giving your hand a slight squeeze.

“Chris, I-” you stutter, not knowing what to say. “That’s… that’s so kind of you, and it means a lot to me that you’d say that, but… you’re a celebrity,” you remind him. “I’m just- just a nobody. A girl you met online. And you-”

“No,” he cuts you off firmly, “that’s not true. You’re my friend, y/n. Who cares if I’m a celebrity? You’re not nobody, not to me, and I’m here for you. For good,” he asserts. His kind words soften your heart slightly, and as you peer into his crystal-blue eyes, you can’t find a single hint of deception.

“For good?” you ask, needing to hear it again to truly believe it.

“For good,” he says again. “I promise, y/n. I’m here.”

next part →

#eun's writing #must be fate #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans blurb #chris evans drabble #chris evans headcanon #chris evans imagine #chris evans one shot #chris evans x reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans angst #chris evans fluff #hurt/comfort

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enneamage · 2 years

Text

Crimeboys breakdown

This came with a lot of delay because we’ve got so much content showing how crimeboys evolved over time, way too much to cover tbh. We’ve definitely reached the brothers-truthing endgame, where Tommy literally just calls Wilbur his brother in front of strangers because it’s easier than explaining how they got here.

*slams hands on table* we as a society have lost track of the fact that the satisfaction of brothers truthing was because Wilbur was an on-and-off ice queen about it and every sliver of affection and synergy was a ‘win.’ Wilbur was a prideful bastard and would pull away from being overtly affectionate to Tommy for a long time, having correctly identified his connection to this kid as being… dicey optics-wise. In the end brothers-truthing became so prevalent that it became the main narrative, so there wasn’t much off-color suspicion to throw off; brand-friendly sentiment has won the day.

Part of brothers-truthing was also a way to put a party hat on them fighting in a way that would have been concerning without the siblings comparison. Wilbur can stoop to Tommy’s level and lower from time to time, and that might be okay if it primarily happened in playful contexts, but that line has always been blurry. Tommy is still the leading champion of driving Wilbur up the wall, but Wilbur likes to oscillate between being the adult and being the child in his relationships, and its mostly Tommy’s ability to drag care out of people that keeps Wilbur in adult-mode. When Wilbur slips, it gets brushed under the rug as ‘big brother’ behavior.

I don’t have insight into what Wilbur felt about Tommy socially in the beginning, since the Very Online Content Creator sphere is a whole other world and there’s no gauging normal vs abnormal from here. I know that along the way the two spent a lot of time together, either as a duo or in a group “SBI” context, so their attachment was earned through intense hours put in despite how two years isn’t that long of a time. Wilbur kept emotional distance from Tommy in the beginning because that’s the normal thing for an adult his age to do, but Tommy was enthusiastic, troublemaking, and relatively sincere. Wilbur was also in a series of rocky mental states so seeing anyone relate to him so devotedly and positively probably ripped open a huge soft spot for him; Wilbur is on record saying that for a while Tommy was the only reason he was getting out of bed. Again, the story of brothers truthing was an audience investing in a narrative where Tommy melts Wilbur’s heart.

These two find each other incredibly validating.

Tommy can be relentless when it comes to getting the attention of someone he admires, and for a time he was crawling all over Wilbur, so having him in his life is wildly valuable for him. Wilbur became one of his most regular companions and contacts during some of the most intense periods of the pandemic for both of them, so this connection is very firmly cemented in his mind. Wilbur is a good source for him to ask questions and bounce ideas off of because he’s got an opinion on everything and can usually (seem to) back it up, which helps Tommy orient himself. At this point Wilbur has probably sunk hundreds of hours explaining the moral ins and outs of the world to Tommy, which has helped along his personal development immensely.

Wilbur values being valued and loves that he’s fallen into an advisor role. He’ll complain about it because of course he will, but at this point he would be devastated if he were to ever lose Tommy’s faith and attention completely. There’s no way that he isn’t emotionally attached to Tommy, even if showing it & processing it can be complicated for him. Wilbur spotted Tommy’s talent very quickly, and to this day I sense some smugness that he ‘called’ that Tommy would be as big as he is. (Is it possessiveness? Boy we’re not going there today.) Wilbur became Tommy’s friend-manager, consistently guiding and shaping the trajectory of his talent, gaining an ally to help bring his ideas to life. Because being Tommy’s Adult disrupted his usual shtick, Wilbur basically wouldn’t be the man he is today without Tommy’s influence. His career and public persona is also heavily rooted in that part of himself now, so Tommy made Wilbur as much as Wilbur made Tommy.

There’s always been an interesting part of their dynamic that doesn’t translate outside of enneagram talk: These two share a connecting line—when a Three grows in health they tend to act more like Sixes, and when a Six is under stress they act more like Threes. When Wilbur and Tommy first met, Tommy would have full on combative episodes of being vain and unhinged on stream, and Wilbur was waiting for him right at the moderately unhealthy Three point. Wilbur wouldn’t have the patience to meet these moments with much empathy, but they were going samesies none the less. This made them both explosive, petty and attention-grabbing, which is pretty well documented in the early DSMP days; they kind of deserved each other.

It feels like foreshadowing was captured in their first meeting on SMP Earth; Wilbur was throwing his weight around and having fun messing with an eager to please Tommy. And Tommy, not one to be overshadowed used and ignored on day one, started metaphorically tearing up the lawn and tanked the v adult politics business whatever deal. There’s something important about the moment that Wilbur first realises that he can’t just drag Tommy around without giving something back: guidance.

Tommy is a natural at kicking up an unignorable fuss and Wilbur is a natural scold. These two are, in their own way, another example of when people are compatible with each other at lower points of health. Tommy gets the best of Wilbur’s advice (Hypocrisy?) by getting the social rule book thrown at him when he does and doesn’t ask for it, benefiting from Wilbur’s social insight and concern with managing talent. Wilbur needs other people way more than he’ll ever admit so having someone so intent on keeping him around while also being wildly successful has probably metaphorically (if not literally) saved his life.

It’s worth noting that Tommy knows his worth better than his attachment would suggest; he isn’t quite relating to Wilbur through hero worship anymore. This is an impression I got from offhanded comments, but Tommy is capable of piercing lucidity related to when Wilbur is being irrational or an asshole. It’s not constant because it primarily comes out in one-off lines and short conversations, but Tommy is very aware that Wilbur is flawed. (This is a recent example of him talking about an experience from way back—it’s fast but “he’s a little bitch inn’ ‘e” speaks volumes.) Tommy is also aware of his value to Wilbur as a social support and a stream talent—he knows that he’s got leverage if he needs it, and he likes the ways that Wilbur depends on him.

Tommy wants to know what Wilbur thinks about things to orient himself, but he’s also got a diversity of opinions to pull from since it’s in his nature to look for advice. Tommy’s best self isn’t free from advice, it’s him with an abundance of advice that he gets to evaluate and then have the final say on. Wilbur is still responsible for instilling himself in Tommy’s head as the voice of reason because that’s just how he talks-- he used to pelt Tommy with “should” and sharp opinions some days, slowly giving Tommy a kind of deference reflex. He’s still capable of rebelling, though, because there are plenty of instances where Tommy has gone against what Wilbur has advised him.

In the end, Wilbur wanted to manage and Tommy wanted to be managed, sweet dreams are made of this /j.

These two might drift as time goes on, but Tommy is not a bridge-burner if he can help it and if Wilbur knows what’s good for him, he’ll never completely shut Tommy out. It’s inevitable that they’ll change because Tommy just isn’t a child anymore and Wilbur doesn’t like streaming has different life dynamics than he used to, but they’re probably going to have space for each other in their lives for a while to come.

#wlbr 3w4 #tmmy 6w7 #Friend editing this: they sound like they're holding hands in hell #Me: Well #it's layered #gen wlbr tag #gen tmmy tag

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suntaeshine · 2 years

Text

Am I Supposed To Be Mad? [Y.TY]

Yoo Taeyang x OC

In which a forced meeting leads to two lives, and then some, being turned upside down.

Friends with benefits to lovers!

Chapter 1/?

Rating M

Warnings!

for future chapters: heavy smut, descriptive smut, toxic relationship (not with Taeyang!), harsh language, violence, honestly it’s just a lot of p with little plot, 18+ MINORS DNI

This is a work of fiction completely by my own ideas

-ˏˋ♥̩͙♥̩̩̥͙♥̩̥̩ ⑅

“We fought again,” Nabi sighs, resting her head on her hands.

"Again? Seriously?" Moonbyul asks, scooting the alcoholic beverage away from her best friend.

"I don't know what's going on. Ever since I've gotten back, we argue,"Nabi explains, though her friend already knew.

Nabi and her boyfriend, Hyunjae, had been fighting nonstop for weeks now. It was unfortunate, especially seeing as how they were nearing their 3 year anniversary.

Nabi met Hyunjae when she was only 18 and was smitten by him. She crushed on him from afar as he was already in a committed relationship at the time of their meeting. However, the pair soon split up and Hyunjae suddenly found Nabi at the center of his attention. After a few weeks of flirting and a couple dates, the two became official and never looked back.

However, Nabi had left for college and just returned back after two years. She was going to be able to finish her semester online, something she was grateful for. That came with a surprising price, though. She and Hyunjae argued consistently. It was as if the long distance relationship was easier to handle than being a casual couple that saw each other every day. They fought before, as all couples do. But, recently the fights became more frequent and they seemed distant from one another. It was the most unlikely of circumstances, Nabi and Hyunjae were always seen as the 'power couple' by their friends, they were the 'end game'. If the others fell apart, everyone still had faith Nabi and Hyunjae would be perfectly fine.

Something changed along the way, though. They acted polar opposite when away from each other and when together.

While with Hyunjae, Nabi was silent. She seemed to be worlds away, her head in the clouds. It was as if the simple act of occupying the same space as him was draining her energy on the spot.

When Nabi was apart from Hyunjae, it was a flip of a coin. Sometimes, she would become bright and vibrant, relieved to be surrounded by her friends, the people that supported her endlessly. Other times, she was in a haze, not mentally present. Her friends could tell she was thinking about Hyunjae. Rather it be about where he was, what he was doing, who he was with, or the most recent argument, he was obviously on her mind.

Also in the times away from him came the drunken haze. Nabi felt compelled most of the time to drink the pain away. She'd only recently turned of age in the recent couple years and never had an urge to drink. But, she was now taking full advantage of her legal status. Unfortunately, that too was a 50/50 chance.

While drunk, Nabi ranted on how she was going to break things off with her boyfriend. She was tired of the arguing, it was destroying her and she was determined to put a stop to it once and for all.

Or, she cried about how much it hurt her to hurt him. She didn't want to fight with him, she loved him. He was her first real love other than a high school fling that didn't really mean anything and a four month relationship that ended down right horribly, and she never wanted to let go of him

"I've gotta put a stop to it," Nabi decides, nodding her head as her hands fall to her lap.

"Then you should," her other friend, Wendy, agrees.

"He told me that he doesn't think I really care about him. How stupid is that?" Nabi scoffs, her arms now crossing. She was unable to stop moving in times like this, she fidgets restlessly whenever Hyunjae is simply mentioned.

"You two obviously care about each other, Nab. But, you can't keep destroying each other like you have been. You've got to stop this," Moonbyul pleads, her hand resting on Nabi's shoulder in comfort.

"I will," Nabi huffs, her voice strong as it was fueled by liquor.

It was only minutes later when Nabi's phone made a soft noise, notifying her of a text.

"Oh no," Wendy sighs, leaning back in her seat.

Nabi reaches into her purse, retrieving her phone and reading the text carefully.

"Don't say it," Wendy mumbles, a disappointed frown overtaking her face.

"It's Hyunjae," Nabi admits, biting her thumb nail on her free hand.

"Don't do it," Wendy rephrases, looking over at the younger girl desperately.

"I have to go," Nabi mutters, gathering her things and tossing just enough money on the table to cover her side of the bill.

"Nab, please!" Wendy begs, reaching out for her friend.

"I'll talk to you both later," Nabi quietly says before walking towards the exit of the diner.

"Nab!" Wendy sighs, watching as she walks away.

"It's no use," Moonbyul says, shaking her head. She knew the situation better than most as she and Nabi were roomates.

"They're gonna burn each other out," Wendy speaks softly, her tone sad as she watches her friend self destruct before her eyes.

"Nothing we can do about it. We've tried all we can. She'll have to wake up on her own," Moonbyul says, sitting back up to continue her food.

"I guess," Wendy sighs, her lips pursed.

And so the cycle repeated time and time again each time Nabi goes back, every single time. No matter if it was words of anger or tears of heartbreak, all it took was one phone call or text from Hyunjae and Nabi was running back to him in record breaking time.

••••

"It's one night out! You deserve the time off," Hwiyoung coaxes his best friend, begging him as he stayed unmoving from his desk.

"I have work," Taeyang denies once more, not looking up to his friends.

"Come on, man!" Chani pleads, his hands slapping on Taeyang's tense shoulders.

"My dad will freak out on me if I don't get this done," Taeyang reminds, his voice quiet and hoarse.

"We'll help you," Hwiyoung offers, bending down in front of the desk, trying to meet Taeyang's eyes.

"You know how to fill these order sheets in?" Taeyang asks, a teasing undertone to his words.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, we do!" Chani calls out. "We grew up with the company just as much as you did."

"Then you know how serious it is," Taeyang says, returning to his monotonous tone.

"Ugh!" Hwiyoung groans, his forehead meeting the wooden desk.

"It's Taemin's birthday, Taeyang," Chani says to Taeyang, who sighs softly at the reminder.

"I know, and I feel terrible for missing it," Taeyang shakes his head.

"Then come!" Hwiyoung whines, his bottom lip pouting.

"I can't," Taeyang denies, his guard beginning to drop at the peer pressure.

"Are you sure?" Chani asks, his voice raising an octave.

"Yes," Taeyang breathes out, biting his lip.

"Well, if you're so certain," Chani trails off, his eyes squinting to Hwiyoung who seems to read his mind.

"Guess we'll just leave you to it. Cramped in your office, eyes sore from reading, hands hurting from writing and typing, an-"

"Okay! Okay! Fine!" Taeyang exclaims, his hands slapping the desk and startling his two insistent friends.

"Atta, boy!" Hwiyoung cheers, jumping around the desk to tackle Taeyang. Inseong joins, patting Taeyang's back.

"Whatever, let's just go," Taeyang mumbles, grabbing his lightweight jacket to avoid the cool night air, even in mid summer.

One thing about Taeyang- he had a serious fear of missing out.

••••

Nabi was convinced that this time it was going to fall apart even faster than the last. Hyunjae was already on his phone more than usual, giving her simple one worded responses to everything she said, and he already missed a lunch date they had planned. It was a miracle that he tagged along with her to visit her friends, even though he stayed glued to his phone screen the entire time.

"So, Taemin's birthday party is tonight, who all is coming to celebrate?" Juyeon asks, leaning over Wendy's shoulder to join the conversation, or rather intervene.

"You know I'll be there! I love Taemin, I've never missed one of his parties," Nayeon says, excitedly.

"Taemin throws the best parties," Juyeon agrees, pointing over to the blonde girl.

"Totally. Remember the chocolate slip-and-slide?" Jay asks, laughing deeply from his chest.

"Don't remind me! I got chocolate in places chocolate should never be!" Wendy shakes her head, shivering at the memory.

"Nabi?" Juyeon asks, peeking over to her.

"Hmm?" Nabi asks, snapping back to reality, shuffling slightly away from Hyunjae.

"Taemin's party, you going?" Juyeon questions, frowning when she immediately looks to Hyunjae.

"Are you going?" she asks her boyfriend, nudging his shoulder softly.

"Sure," Hyunjae shrugs and Nabi turns back to Juyeon.

"Yeah, I will," she agrees. She and Taemin had been friends for quite a long time, she'd met him around the same time she'd met Hyunjae.

"Alright," Juyeon nods, though his voice was tight with concern.

••••

The club was already packed full of friends of Taemin's. He was a easy going, kindhearted man, it was only common knowledge that he had so many friends, he was someone that was adored by everyone.

Taeyang gave Taemin a quick hug and a soft 'happy birthday' before both Taemin and Chani disappeared together. Somewhere on the journey from the entrance to the bar, Hwiyoung also vanished into the crowd. Taeyang scoffed in disbelief at his friends before sitting alone at the bar, waving the bartender over for a simple can of soda.

Although the sight of a lively crowd was needed for him, after hours spent cramped in his office, he was so tired from the day's work that it didn't help all that much. So, he became a spectator of the crowd, smiling and waving every now and then at people he recognized. Slowly, he allowed himself to relax and forget about the stacks of work his father was anticipating him to finish.

••••

"You agreed to going!" Nabi gasps out, annoyance running through her veins.

"When? When did I ever agree?" Hyunjae asks, rolling his eyes.

"Literally a few hours ago when I asked you!" Nabi scoffs, glancing over to her stubborn boyfriend who sat in the passenger seat as she drove.

"Yeah, well," Hyunjae trails off with a shrug.

"You weren't listening to me," Nabi figures, "Big surprise."

"What do you mean by that?" he defensively asks, crossing his arms.

"Nothing. It means nothing," Nabi mumbles, setting her focus on getting to the club so she can leave his side already and find her friends.

It was becoming a chore for her to stay around him. She could feel her energy being taken away from him the longer she was with him. Every time he opened his mouth, she could feel her blood boiling and the need to scream at him to shut up was taking over.

"God, you're so bipolar," Hyunjae grunts, shuffling around to take his phone out of his pocket.

Nabi's hands grip the steering wheel tighter, she felt like she was going to draw blood if she bit her lip any harder. She takes a deep breath, forcing herself to keep down any snarky comments that threatened to leave her mouth.

"If you don't want to stay, then don't. You can take the car and go back to your place, I'll ask someone for a ride home," she finally speaks.

"Whatever," is the only response she receives.

The rest of the ride is silent except for the occasional notification bell from Hyunjae's phone. When the club comes into view, Nabi could feel herself begin to relax. Salvation was just a parking spot away.

"Are you staying, or no?" she mutters, glancing to Hyunjae as she offers the keys to him.

They were his keys, it was his car, but when he showed up to pick Nabi, up he tossed the keys to her and said she should drive.

"I'll stay for a bit," Hyunjae shrugs, taking the keys from her.

"Great," she groans under her breath.

"What?" he asks, his voice becoming sharper.

"Nothing," Nabi shakes her head, opening the door to leave the confined space.

As soon as they walked into the club, Hyunjae dispersed into the crowd of people dancing. Nabi sighed out in relief and began searching around for her friends.

"Hey! I'm so happy you're here!" Taemin cheers, nearly knocking Nabi over in an abrupt hug.

"Hey," she chuckles, hugging him back. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. Happy birthday!"

"Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot," Taemin teases as he pulls away from her.

"He's already done so many kegs I don't know how he's not in the hospital," another friend, Kai, says as he approaches the two.

"Are you his babysitter?" Nabi asks, hugging him as well.

Kai and Nabi had only met a handful of times, mostly through Taemin, and she had grown to adore the man's company.

"You would think so. Baekhyun was supposed to watch him too, but I think he's passed out in a booth somewhere," Kai sighs.

"Baekhyun has never been able to hold his liquor," Nabi jokes and Kai laughs in agreement.

"Exac- wait where'd Taemin go?" Kai begins but quickly finds that the birthday boy had suddenly vanished.

"Should put him on a leash," Nabi giggles, her body feeling lighter now that her burden had left.

"You're telling me," Kai sighs, shaking his head.

"Have you happened to have seen Wendy, Moonbyul, or Juyeon? .... You know, my usuals?" Nabi laughs and Kai nods.

"Yeah, I was just with them. C'mon, I'll go with you," Kai leads.

••••

"Taeyangie!" Hwiyoung screams, his arms tight around his friends back from behind. Taeyang jumps, startled by his friends sudden outburst.

"What?" Taeyang gasps out, attempting to turn to look at Hwiyoung.

"I found Chani. He's with Jaeyoon, I thought you'd want to see him," Hwiyoung slurs out, a huge tell sign that he'd already joined Taemin on the kegs.

Jaeyoon was one of Taeyang's best friends, they'd known each other for years now. But, he also hadn't seen Jaeyoon in weeks due to his extreme schedule with work. So, the offer of seeing his good friend was beyond tempting to take.

"Thanks, where are they?" Taeyang asks, picking his drink up and standing. Hwiyoung giggles and grabs Taeyang's wrist to pull him in a certain direction.

"Hey! Taeyang!" Chani cheers upon seeing his friend.

Taeyang waves, despite they'd just seen each other, hell, they showed up together. It was when Jaeyoon stood up that Taeyang smiled.

"I thought you'd be face first in paperwork right about now," Jaeyoon laugs, pulling his friend into a hug.

"I should be," Taeyang admits.

The two trade a few words before Taeyang notices the crowd around. He knew a few, but others were unfamiliar.

"Everyone, this is Taeyang," Jaeyoon announces, noticing Taeyang's eyes.

"Taeyang, this is: Moonbyul, Juyeon, Younghoon, Nabi, Wendy, and Nayeon," Jaeyoon points each person out individually, "You already know the others."

"Hi," Taeyang greets, a kind smile on his face as he shakes everyone's hands.

Taeyang soon shook hands with Younghoon and Wendy as well, introducing himself formally. Once he reached Juyeon, it was once again a guessing of names. Soon finding out that Juyeon was the infamous 'Juyeon' in half of Jaeyoon's stories.

"Hi, nice to meet you," Taeyang greets Nabi.

Nabi happily accepts his hand, "You too."

-ˏˋ♥̩͙♥̩̩̥͙♥̩̥̩ ⑅

#sf9 #sf9 taeyang #yoo taeyang #taeyang #sf9 smut #taeyang smut #sf9 fanfic #sf9 imagines #am i supposed to be mad?

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ravenclawesome42 · 2 years

Text

Looking For An Outlet

Remus was in his favorite seat at his local cafe taking an online test for the class he signed up for over winter break. He didn’t necessarily have to take it, but the subject looked so interesting and it was with his favorite professor so he really couldn’t pass it up. He chose this specific seat as his favorite due to numerous factors: distance from the door, counter, and other tables; lighting; space to spread out without being too in the way; and general ambiance. He had tried all other spaces, but this was by far his favorite. The only downside was there was no outlet nearby - in fact there was only one outlet in the entire cafe - but that never bothered Remus since he was typically buried in a book, not a laptop, and never let his phone battery get too low. His laptop, however, was a different story. It was an ancient thing that held a charge for an hour, 90 minutes if he was lucky. Remus estimated it’d take no more than 45 minutes to complete the test, but he was fast approaching that marker and still had another two sections ahead of him. Sighing, he resigned himself to the fact he would have to relocate to safely finish the exam. He gathered his belongings and fished for the charging cable and set out for the small table next to the outlet. As he stood up, he froze.

The table was occupied.

As if adding insult to injury, the table wasn’t just occupied. No, it was occupied by perhaps the most gorgeous man Remus had ever seen. He looked like he had walked out of a fashion magazine with his Doc’s, tight black jeans, and a snug tee underneath a well-worn leather jacket. Next to Remus’ ratty Converse, ripped jeans (torn from wear, not for a fashion statement), and an overlarge jumper, he looked like a model. Even his hair was gorgeous, falling down past his chin in sleek waves, just blocking his face from view as he typed away on his own laptop.

Mustering up all the courage he had in himself, Remus strode over to the table and slung his bag over the back of the chair opposite the attractive stranger, who looked up at the noise. Remus was so lost in the stranger’s mesmerizing grey eyes that he momentarily forgot why he marched over in the first place. He mentally shook himself and stood up straighter, desperately pulling back the courage from moments ago.

“I’m sorry to disrupt, but I need to plug in my laptop to finish my exam and there’s only one outlet in the shop, so I need to sit here.” He finished his speech, and receiving no signs from the stranger that he was an unwelcome intrusion, he awkwardly slid into the chair opposite and plugged his laptop in. Reemerging from below the table, Remus noticed the man was still looking at him, though his face betrayed no emotion or expression whatsoever. He internally shrugged and resumed his exam, forgetting about the man opposite him entirely as he focused on answering the questions.

—————————

Sirius was sitting at a quaint cafe that his friend Lily recommended to him. It had a quiet atmosphere, wasn’t a chain, and had delicious mocha lattes, meaning it met his three top priorities when it came to choosing a spot to write for the afternoon. After a quick look around the shop he noticed only one table near an outlet and promptly took a seat there in case he stayed long enough to run his battery low. Judging by the quality of the coffee and smell of pastries from the back, he figured there was a decent chance he’d spend the remainder of the afternoon tucked away here.

He quickly lost himself in his work, barely remembering to finish his drink before it cooled. James always joked that when he wrote he became untethered from the real world. He even tested his theory once by shouting Sirius’ name through a megaphone not three meters from him. Sirius hadn’t heard him the first three times and was only brought back to the real world when Lily came into the room to shout at James for scaring her and making her drop the plates she was putting away in the kitchen. None of them, including James, knew where he got the megaphone from, which only added to Lily’s frustration and subsequent confiscation until he learned “proper inside behavior”.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he was brought back to reality by a man dropping his bag onto the back of the chair opposite Sirius. Since there were plenty of tables available he was not expecting to be disturbed or cause a problem by taking over a table for a significant amount of time. He was unable to glance around at the table situation because he was completely frozen in place by the most beautiful hazel eyes he’d ever seen. He took in the rest of the stranger’s face which was slightly flushed and covered in freckles. It was only as his gaze moved down towards his lips that he realized the stranger was speaking. He was unable to take in a single thing he said as he was distracted by how soft his lips looked, and what the small scar on his top lip might feel like if they kissed.

The man sat down and disappeared beneath the table, presumably to plug in the laptop that now sat across from him. When he reemerged he was still staring at the man, now taking in his honeyed curls as he brushed them away from where they fell onto his face. The man looked a bit confused but was quickly sucked into his work, whatever it may be, and Sirius watched as his face went from slightly nervous to completely focused and confident. The blush fell away, revealing more freckles. Sirius took a deep breath and turned his attention back toward his computer where he immediately opened the messaging app.

Prongs, mate, I’m in trouble

actual trouble or “i’m sirius black the most dramatic drama queen in the world” trouble?

Wtf is that supposed to mean??? I’m not a drama queen.

whatever helps you sleep at night pads…

Are you going to help me or are you going to continue to be a wanker

fine fine, i’ll play along. whats the trouble

I am currently sitting across from an actual angel. I think I’ve died and gone to heaven, it’s the only explanation.

what does that even mean. i cant handle you when you get all metaphorical or whatever. you writers are all words and no substance. get to the point mate.

Wow, rude. Fine, I’ll spell it out in jock then. “omg pretty boy, heart go thump thump, brain broke, omg what do?”

wow rude. i deserved that though. so lemme get this straight: youre sat across from a pretty boy and now cant focus on anything and have made a right fool of yourself or are in danger of doing so in the near future

I’m never straight but yes that’s the situation

i s2g you need new jokes. “im always sirius” and “im never straight” are tired

Yet you’re still friends with me. But back to the problem: what do I do????? He’s so soft looking Prongs, his hair is fluffy and he has CURLS and his lips look soft and he has freckles and he’s wearing an adorably tacky jumper.

damn so hes exactly your type

YES HE’S MY TYPE HENCE THE FREAK OUT

ok calm down. has he said anything to you

Yes but I don’t know what he said, I was lost in his big beautiful eyes.

ugh you’re a disgusting romantic. next question: do you think hes gay? youve been in these situations too many times before i dont want you flirting and getting your arse handed to you

Thanks for the vote of confidence, cheers mate. But no he’s definitely not straight, I can feel it.

weird but ok. final question: how are you going to exchange numbers

Exchange numbers? Do you expect me to just hand him a piece of paper with my name and number on it??

uh, yes?

Where’s the romance in that???

there isnt but if you cant even speak to him its the safest way

Oh gods he’s closing his laptop oh no oh no oh no it’s too late

WAIT I KNOW! buy him a drink

We’re not at a bar you git

do they not make drinks at a coffee shop

Oh yeah.

you absolute wanker. good luck keep me posted

Cheers mate

Sirius exited the messaging app just in time to see the stranger resurface with his charging cable, looking pleased with himself. It’s now or never, put on a smile and chit chat like your love life depends on it!

“So,” Sirius drawled, “do you come here often?”

Smooth, Black.

—————————

“So, do you come here often?”

Remus blinked as he slowly raised his gaze to meet the man’s eyes across the table. He had a smile plastered on but his eyes betrayed that he felt the same way about the conversation starter as Remus did: it was a shit starter. Bravely, the man soldiered on.

“It’s just you knew there was only one outlet and knew exactly where it was. It’s only my first time here so I had no idea.”

Remus paused before answering, taking in the other man’s obvious state of distress and valiant attempt to salvage the conversation. He took pity and set his bag to the side.

“Yes, this is my regular spot for doing schoolwork when I need a change of scenery.”

The man let out a deep breath and visibly relaxed as his smile became more genuine and eyes softened.

“It’s a wonderful cafe, I can see why. I will definitely be returning, the atmosphere is conducive to productive writing.”

“Oh, you write?” Remus perked up and the other man seemed to take notice.

“Er, yes, mostly mysteries though. You might have heard of some of my titles if you’re into those sorts of books.”

“Well what’s your name then? I have broad reading interests.”

“Sirius, Sirius Black.” The man, Sirius, looked down after he said his name as if to avoid disappointment if the name didn’t register immediately. Remus, however, had heard of Sirius Black and very much enjoyed his work. As one of the few authors who had well-written and authentic LGBTQ+ representation in their works, Remus read everything he published and loved his writing style.

“Heard of you? You’re on the syllabus for my Queer Literature class! And yes, I’ve read your works outside of class before. That was actually the class I was doing my exam for just now. To think the author was sitting directly across from me though…” Remus trailed off, unable to complete his sentence. It was just too weird a coincidence, like fate or something, that he picked this table on this day to sit at, and Remus took this specific winter term class and did the exam in this cafe. The world was a funny place.

—————————

Sirius blushed once the man said he was on their class syllabus and it only deepened as he kept going. At least this is more evidence for probably not being straight…hopefully.

Once he regained composure Sirius decided to go all in.

“Would you like some coffee then, to celebrate you completing your exam?” Please please please PLEASE say yes.

“You don’t even know my name yet and you want to buy me coffee?” Oh yeah.

“You make a good point,” he chuckled. “So what is your name?”

“Remus Lupin.” A soft smile spread across his face and his attention was once more drawn to Remus’ lips.

“Well how about it then, Remus? Can I treat you to some celebratory coffee now?” Sirius swore he saw a faint blush as he said Remus’ name but he could be mistaken. “You can tell me your favorite and I can try it next time I come back.”

Remus had a full-on smile now as he stood up and stretched. Sirius stared at his long fingers as he cracked his knuckles in quick succession.

“You’ve already tried my favorite: mocha latte. This place makes the best ones I’ve ever had. I hope that doesn’t deter you from coming back, though.” He smirked and Sirius’ heart nearly stopped with how utterly adorable Remus looked.

“I think I could be persuaded to come back,” he said slowly, “provided you’re here.”

“I typically am, but in case you want to be sure…” Remus grabbed a pen from his bag and scribbled his number down on the corner of Sirius’ notebook. He then walked to the counter and ordered two mocha lattes and threw a cheeky wink back at Sirius who sat unmoving, gaze flickering between the numbers and Remus at the register.

Sirius’ heart soared at how easy it was to get Remus’ number and the fact he didn’t make a fool of himself, or read the signs wrong. He wouldn’t hear the end of it from James that “buy him a drink” actually worked though.

Remus came back with the drinks and sat down across from Sirius with much more grace than the first time. He took a slow sip of his drink and looked up at Sirius.

“For a writer, you’re at a loss for words an awful lot.” What cheek, I’m a goner.

“Well, it’s not everyday you see an angel in person, I needed to take it all in.” Sirius flashed a brilliant smile over his coffee cup and took a sip as Remus flushed and abruptly put his own cup down for fear of dropping it in his lap.

Yes, Sirius thought, I could definitely be persuaded to come back…

#wolfstar #read on ao3 #fanfic #remus lupin #sirius black #remus x sirius #meet cute #coffeshop #fluff

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sofoulandfairaday · 2 years

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genuine question: why do you have your hogwarts house in your bio if you’re not a transphobe? i saw a post that you reblogged giving the sentiment that a sports league no longer using the name “quidditch” in order to separate themselves from jk rowling was not effective or respectful to trans people (because JKR invented the sport and is inextricably linked to it) so how is putting a hogwarts house in your bio (something made up by jkr and therefore, no matter how hard you try to separate the two, linked to her) any different from that in its logic? it only serves as an immediate surface “warning” which many trans people, poc, and others who have been victimized by jkr’s bigotry, will see and avoid.

Hello, first of all, thank you for being respectful with your question! This started out as a short post and became a very long-winded answer so I'll put it under the cut. For anyone interested, there's a TLDR at the very end.

I stand by what I said in that post: trying to make something better by changing its name and acting like that is enough is not useful or particularly clever in my opinion. Therefore, one has two choices: either you distance yourself from the material entirely, or you continue engaging with it albeit recognizing its problems.

Personally, Harry Potter has been and is a vast portion of my life. I spent entire hours of my life in this fandom, it was refuge and solace for me for years and years while growing up and I had little friends, it was comforting when I was upset and crying in my room, it was magic and enjoyment like nothing else. It is still linked to little rituals in my life and I have defined myself according to it for years. I'm 20 now and I've had "Slytherin" in my bio ever since I was 11. I started writing because of Harry Potter. I was just invited to a Harry Potter-themed birthday party by someone in my friend group for crying out loud because that's how much we love it.

As I said, revisionism doesn't work (both in theory and practice), and someone can still enjoy media while acknowledging the flaws of both author and work. That is what we do with every single author from the past. Of course, this is where you say "yes, but reading Aristophanes or Thomas Hardy or seeing a Degas or Picasso art show doesn't give profits to them directly", to which I agree. I have stopped watching her movies at the cinema, I have never seen her TCC play (even though I desperately wanted to), I haven't bought the new illustrated copies of her books (and have turned down my mother when she tried to buy them for me last Christmas), I probably won't buy the new game or new merch. I try not to give her any more money than she has because I know where her money goes (unfortunately).

I don't say all of this to justify myself (because, with all due respect, I don't have to do that to a stranger online), I'm illustrating what I have done which felt right to me. I don't think that reading Harry Potter makes you a transphobe in the same way that liking Lovecraft doesn't make you racist or enjoying Picasso doesn't make you a sexist paedophile.

JKR used to be a huge role model for me. She was the answer to the famous question "if you could have dinner with one person in the world?". Her betrayal hurt me as a cis woman and I cannot imagine how it must have felt for all of her trans fans. I understand and respect if someone feels wary or distrustful of anything Harry Potter-related, even a Hogwarts house in a bio. I understand if someone avoids me because of it.

HOWEVER, this is my internet space. This is my blog, where I post things that make me happy, whether that be theories or reblogs of fanart or whatever. I maintain that this blog is, and will always be, a safe space for LGBT+ people, TRANS PEOPLE INCLUDED. But, of course, it is well within anyone's rights to avoid it. If Harry Potter triggers you, block me. If reading "Slytherin" in my bio makes you feel like my blog could be a red flag, avoid me.

I'm sorry that it is this way, but this is a little window shop where I post my interests and reblog things I like to look at. I also post more serious things sometimes, but it's mostly MY opinion or something with which I agree. You can choose to avoid it, or you can choose to interact with it, but you must do so at your own peril, and this is the same for all things in life. You may stay around long enough to find out that I'm no transphobe, or you can leave. You can ask me respectfully (like you did, op) what my views on Harry Potter are, or you can decide I'm not worth the time. But ultimately, everyone is in charge of their own internet experience. I will always take the time to reply to the people who come knocking but I cannot tailor my blog to coddle other people's perceptions of me because today it's Harry Potter, and tomorrow it will be something else that might be misconstrued by some, many, or all.

I hope this wasn't too rambly and my point came across the way I meant it to, it's midnight where I am. If you have any more questions/want to debate this further, I'm happy to.

TLDR: I believe that liking HP doesn't automatically make you a transphobe; this blog will always be a safe space for trans people in that there will be no transphobic talk from me, BUT it is still my blog and it's your job to curate your internet experience (= if anything HP related triggers you, block me, avoid me, etc).

#harry potter #harry potter fandom #asks #jkr #jk rowling

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wtchwtch · 2 years

Text

TT000_Transcript

TT000: The Tiny Terrors Offline Story Exchange

This is a fanmade transcript, please let me know if you see any errors.

TT000

(Intro music)

(Tape recorder sounds)

Cole: Hello, dear listener. Yes, you, you listening to me now, however you've come to be here. I thank you for joining me and my friends as we aim to terrify you and delight you. But before we dig in, first answer me. Have you ever heard of the tiny terrors scary story exchange? Have you delved into the obscure, obtuse, and obscene world in which it lives?

Have you travelled to the shores of the twisted continent and tasted what dark delights it has to offer?

(D coughs)

D: What?

Cole and Mark: (Simultaneous) D...

D: Jeeze...

(Tape recorder sounds)

Cole: Welcome to the Tiny Terrors Podcast where we showcase some of the most spine drilling stories from the Tiny Terrrors story exchange. Support the Tiny Terrors Showcase podcast today by subscribing and writing the show. By doing so, you'll become part of a long and often, sadly forgotten part of storytelling.

So become a Terrorizer by subscribing and rating the podcast and join the exchange today to get

Mark: When did we start calling members Terrorisers?

Cole: Really what I, I have, I have a whole page left. Oh, you know what? Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Everyone out .

D: Why do I need to leave? I didn't even do anything this time.

Mark: Who's gonna be script supervisor if I leave?

Cole: Script supervisor? You're joking, right?

Mark: Come on, man.

(Tape winding sounds)

Cole: Hi, my name's Cole and I've been a member of the Tiny Terrors Story Exchange for, uh, I don't know, about 10 years now. Tiny Terrors is an odd relic of the early days of the computer age back, you know, when it still felt intimate. Before the internet, there were these digital communities called bulletin board systems, or BBSs for short, you would call a phone number with your computer modem, and once you connected, you could access the system. In most bulletin board systems, you could create an account with a username just like you would now. Um, and there would be all these directories and files and chat rooms. And in some of the more elaborate BBSs were games, uh, there was Clover.NET, MindVox, Demon Roach Underground, Monochrome BBS, OSUNY, Legend of the Red Dragon.

At one point there were more than 150,000 bulletin board systems in the United States alone with 17 million users. And then the internet came. And overnight bulletin board systems mostly died out. Now there's only a couple hundred left. Good luck finding them, and if you're lucky enough to find them, good luck connecting and accessing the bulletin board system itself.

Now, no one knows for certain that tiny terrors started on a bbs, but that's the theory, that some users on a bulletin board system got together and started sharing horror stories, kind of like the world's first creepy pastas but then Tiny Terrors outgrew the online community, and more and more people got involved from cross state lines and in different countries.

But since you were calling in on a phone line, long distance charges applied and they figured out moving the exchange offline meant that they could trade stories through the mail. And postage was cheaper than Long distance charges and routers and computers and all the other costs that came with it.

And that's when Tiny Terrors became a bit of an underground phenomenon. It was like making the process even more convoluted, made it more exclusive. The longer you were in the exchange, the more mailing addresses you collected. The longer your list of mailing addresses, the more veteran you were. And if you were new to the exchange, then you only had the mailing address of the person who brought you into the tiny terrors story exchange.

It was like a club and you had to know someone on the inside to get in. Now, once you got in, you could enter the exchange and start sending stories. And once you had sent a story to another member, they had your mailing address, and if your story was popular, it would be sent from that member to another member and so on and so on and so on.

Just like when it started. The only way you can enter a story into the exchange is written or on a cassette tape. Small and light enough to meet the requirements for cheap stamps and postage. It's a bit convoluted, but besides that rule, there are a few others and there's only really one that matters and that's never steal another member's story.

It, it's hard to understand without being in the exchange, but if you're a member of Tiny Terrors, you're a storyteller, you're a librarian, you're a conservationist and researcher all in one. A lot of people involved in the exchange, especially those who were around in the early BBS days, kept notes and records tracking over time what stories came from where, how far they had travelled, who wrote them, who recorded them, who rerecorded them.

And if you stole another member's story, you'd run the risk of sending it to the wrong person who would blank the tape or write a note and stuff it in the envelope. And then that would make the rounds. And eventually, before you knew it, you were out of the club. Like I said, it's hard to imagine, but all these people in different countries and states and provinces all coming together made the exchange, and their coveted list of mailing addresses is what pulled it all together.

That's, that's the sort of weird, you don't get on the internet anymore. The Tiny Terrors story exchange isn't what it used to. There are a couple hundred dedicated members, and every once in a while someone stumbles across it, but old members are leaving quicker than new ones come in, which is why I wanna make this podcast as a way to showcase the stories on the exchange and hopefully keep it from dying out like the bulletin board systems it was born out of.

Not only do I personally hope to preserve the exchange in the event that it finally dies out, but by showcasing these tales, it is my hope that we can actually revive it.

(Knocking)

Cole: Ugh

Mark: you done yet? ...what?

Cole: Uh, I didn't say anything. Mark

Mark: Uhhuh?

Cole: Nothing.

Mark: What did you say?

Cole: I, I said nothing. Nothing.

Mark: Okay. Okay. Sorry. Geez. So how did it go?

Cole: Well, it was going well.

Mark: Did you mention that this podcast is kind of like BBS?

Cole: Huh?

Mark: It's kind of like BBS. Cuz without the listener's support, we wouldn't be able to keep the podcast going. It means the exchange would die.

Cole: Oh God. I'm not saying that.

Mark: Well, why not?

Cole: Because it's shameless, Mark.

Mark: That's why Step aside then I'll say it. Mr. Hotshot.

Cole: Okay! Hey, back away from the mic.

D: Hey, don't tell him to back away. It's not shameless. He's gotta let 'em know that supporting the podcast not only helps us, but means they get more stories and content. I mean, seriously, what's the point of doing all that extra work and recording all of those extra stories if you aren't gonna say anything about it?

Mark: Yeah. At least tell them that they need to share it with their friends and. You know, say really nice things about it on Twitter and Tumblr and all those other online community hubs where people are always looking for new podcasts.

D: Oh, and did you add the part about leaving a five star review on Apple Podcast or Spotify or other places you can leave reviews?

Cuz it actually helps us get the podcast out to more listeners. Which means more members for the exchange. I mean like, come on. It takes like all of a minute to do that. It's completely free.

Mark: Oh right. Yeah, no, that is an important one.

D: Yeah, come on, Cole we gotta tell 'em to leave a five star review, otherwise no one's gonna listen and we're never gonna get new members.

I mean, I read online that ratings and reviews are like a huge part of getting your show out there, you know.

Cole: Guys, I haven't finished yet.

Mark: Well, what are you waiting for? Tell them to review the podcast already, jeeze!

Cole: I will, I will.

D: Don't be polite about it. You're always too polite. You gotta be firm. Like go now, review the podcast Terrorizers or else, and then say like, uh, um, become a Terrorizer by subscribing to the podcast now or else.

Oh, and then say, you know, thank you very much, cuz manner's never hurt. Right?

Mark: Seriously, When did we settle on calling the new members Terrorizers?

(Tape recorder sounds)

Mark: Tiny Terrors is an anthology horror podcast produced by Pulp Audio and licensed under a creative commons attribution, non-commercial share alike 4.0 international license.

D: This episode was directed by Cole Weavers with sound production and editing by Mike LeBeau.

Mark: To find additional information or to join our patreon for additional content and ad free episodes, visit our website www. . tinyterrorspod.com

D: Follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook at Tiny Terrors Pod,

Mark: Or join the pulp audio discord by clicking the link in the description below.

D: Rate and review us on Spotify and Apple.

Mark: And finally, thanks for listening.

#tiny terrors podcast #tiny terrors #tt transcript

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belloangelus · 2 years

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I rarely ever write stuff but I really needed to put this down into words. I initially tweeted this but figured I'd put it on here. Last night I watched the interview Ricky Olson did a few years back for Backstage by HeartSupport. There are certain things that when you hear them put into words, they hit a raw nerve and you can't help but burst into tears. I don't know what it was he said but something about his honesty affected me. I cried while typing this.

I don't think I've ever been good at being honest with myself about my feelings and emotions. I've never been suicidal but I have been in very dark places. I have felt absolutely no self worth and have shut myself off from everyone around me in the past.

My high school years sucked. I dealt with deaths in my family since I was 5, then 6, then 7, then 13, 14 and a few more deaths of those close to me in my 28 years on this Earth.

I've always fought with myself about my body. I think the last time I remember being truly confident in myself was when I was in elementary school. I've had periods in my life where I was ok with my body but then something would happen and I'd be down on myself.

I'm trying to be better for myself. These last few years have been real shit. Now that the world is getting back to normal, I think I've finally come to a point in my life where I see all that I've missed out on.

I have held myself back so many times, mainly out of fear. Fear of something going wrong, of making a fool of myself, of how my family will see me, what my friends will think, whether or not it's appropriate to do? I've lived in fear and anxiety since I can remember. I know in my heart that my family loves me and they'll love me always.

But there's still this voice in my mind picturing every "what if?". And I try to ignore it but I think my fear of disappointing those I love or not doing what they want me to do just weighs so much on me sometimes that I don't know who I really am. I don't know what I want. I feel like I've been vicariously living through others experiences in life.

I've never been on a date, never had a job, never been to a real party. I've only ever observed from a distance. I feel like everything I've ever done was for the approval of someone else or because someone else wanted to do it first and I just went along. I feel like I haven't had an original thought or idea in my head in a very, very, long time.

A couple of weeks ago something changed inside me. I dont know what it was that caused it but I finally found myself fed up with feeling guilty about doing something for myself. I think it was when I realized how old I was going to be this year. It was like a slap in the face. I realized I was going to be 28 years old..fucking that much closer to 30. I finally woke up like what the hell have I been doing with myself?

I've been out of high school almost 11 years and I am in basically the same spot I was when I graduated. I did the whole community college thing because I was too scared to go to a University and I didn't know what degree I'd even want. I didn't get a job because my parents said I didn't have to, as long as I went to school.

I did that, got my AA degree and then took a year off. Then I decided to get an online degree through one of the in state University's. It's been six years and I still haven't completed my degree. I only have a few classes left but I am so burned out by it all that I just don't even care to finish it.

My parent's insist, "I've come all this way, just finish it", I suppose I should but do I really want it? Did I ever really want it? Or was I just going along with what was expected of me? I honestly have been doing it so fucking long that I don't know anymore. I think at some point I did want it, the degree, the graduation, the sense of accomplishment.

At some point it became a burden, a nuisance, something weighing on me. I no longer feel that completing my degree will make me any better of a person. I have no idea what I'm going to do.

When I was little I always dreamed of falling in love, getting married, having kids, being a housewife for fucks sake. But my reality has been far from it. I still do dream of falling in love, getting married, of just being loved. I hope I find that someday, but I need to find myself first.

Who am I, truly? I have no idea. There are inklings in my brain of who I think I am but I don't know. I feel as though I've been in a constant battle with who I truly am and who I've been.

I never really believed in the existence of fate or destiny. Ive always kind of looked at life through a lense of chance and whatever will be, will be. But recently I've questioned the way I look at life.

In other tweets I've mentioned the band Motionless in White but I felt as though my tweets came off as like "hey, look at me, I like your band". I don't want this to be like that. My point is that I feel like I was meant to find these guys. In fact, it was an absolute fluke that I did find them.

I happened to see a few of their photos and a little video of them on Tumblr. The blog I was on had nothing to do with music or bands, she just happened to reblog a few things about them. My first impression of them was "😐jeez, who are these guys?" I admit I stereotyped them. I thought "Ugh another weird metal band 😒, they probably scream all of their lyrics and are just weird." I just rolled my eyes and kind of tried to move on.

There was a little clip on this same Tumblr that worked as the chisel that began to chip away at my stereotypes of the band.

The clip had Ricky, Vinny, and Justin during the livestream of their album signing. What caught me off guard about this video was how regular they all seemed. I thought 'huh, they look way different from their stage personas'. They were funny and kind of cute, especially Vinny. More importantly they seemed like normal guys.

This is where it kind of began; my interest in Motionless in White. I started out learning more about the group. I watched their tour updates on YouTube, but I still was iffy about if I wanted to get into their music. Up until then, I hadn't listened to any of their music. I started with their newest stuff and honestly, I didn't like it. Then I watched Vinny play drums on Twitch and I was like I need to hear more of him play.

So, I listened to their new album again but this time I really listened. I let the music in. And that's when I felt the pull, the power, the energy of it all. I could tell these guys cared, they worked hard, and made some awesome music.

Once I heard their new album I had to listen to their previous album, then the one before that and before that. I can't remember the last time I felt so many emotions while listening to music. I felt like an explorer discovering some never before seen place. I found something new, to me at least, on my own. It wasn't a friend or family member who told me about them, it was me.

I was looking for a change in my life, I needed a change, a way to find who I really am. Over the past two weeks I have felt more alive and real than I have in a really long time.

How does Motionless in White relate to my fate or destiny or who I am? I've always experienced deja vu. What exactly is deja vu, I have no idea? I think of it as your ability to see the future, somehow.

A few days ago I was doing something completely random when I had a major episode of deja vu. Usually I'd just shrug it off like huh weird deja vu. But this time was different because it related directly to Motionless in White.

I remember having this particular deja vu dream many months ago, way before I ever heard of the band. But somehow, in some inexplicable way, my brain dreamed about them, about me sitting watching a video of Ricky talking about his travel bag.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is this, I feel like I was meant to find these guys. It sounds so cheesy but I truly believe it. Then last night, I felt more convinced when watching the interview Ricky gave about mental illness and depression. He said that sometimes you need to talk to someone who has no connection to you, kind of like talking to a wall. To just let it out. That's what this is, my therapy, talking to a blank wall. Just letting it all out and lifting a weight from my shoulders. Everything I mentioned here, I don't think I've ever admitted or told to anyone, even myself really.

I want to finish my ramblings with a genuine, heartfelt thank you to Motionless in White and to each of its members; Chris Motionless, Ricky Olson, Justin Morrow, Vinny Mauro and Ryan Sitkowski, who I admire and appreciate! 🙏🤘🖤 Thank you guys so much❤

- Dara I. aka BelloAngelus

#motionless in white #vinny mauro #ryan sitkowski #ricky olson #chris motionless #justin morrow #depression #fear #suicide #mental health #anxiety

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