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ayoharuko · 1 year

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Genshin Impact Gf Headcanons

Hey guys!

I decided to do the girls as well since i feel like they need attention ya know? So its gonna be the same as the boys version but obviously this is the girls version and this is part 1 which will be the mondstadt girls!

I hope u guys enjoy this and some of the headcanons might not be accurate since i rarely play any of the mondstadt girls, The only one I play from our mondstadt girls is Klee hahahaha....

Also some of my headcanons might be inaccurate or occ thats because as i said i don't play the mondsadt girls that much so i apologize for that.

If some characters are not in these headcanon posts it means there gonna be in another post which has platonic headcanons for them, Because of the kids and some underaged characters(According to Google) soo yea....

I would also like to apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes....

REMINDER: None of these characters belong to me they belong to hoyoverse and please note that this work is just the work of fiction.

Ok lets start（。＾▽＾）

(Mondstadt Girls)

~Grandmaster~ (Jean Gunnhildr)

~Protective Girlfriend~

- She is very overprotective. Like obviously she gives you freedom but....she also can’t imagine you getting hurt...soo sometimes she makes a knight follow you around when she's busy, look she just wants you to be safe soo please don’t mind it too much :3

- I don’t think jean would be the jealous type to be honest, cause she seems too mature to think about things like that and she knows you only love her and only her 💕

- To make up with her being always busy and stuff, she makes up for it by giving gifts to you. Ex: Buying you flowers and jewelry

- She keeps her relationship with you low-profile since she knows some people will go after you, so she tries to Keep you guys relationship a bit hush hush🤭

- In her free time or when she takes a day off she likes starting the day off by giving you cuddles and kisses~ Although I think you should be the one doing that to her. Since we all know how stessed she must be from work, soo please comfort our workaholic mommy :3

- She's the type of girlfriend to still keep blushing or getting flustered no matter how many years you guys have been together, it's just that....everytime your with her you make her heart go all doki-doki💞

- You and Barbara are beasties I like to think you both gush about Jean together about how amazing she is ehe~

- All in all Jean is an amazing girlfriend protective but amazing, she knows how to handle things with maturity and knows how to handle you :3, Your the one that gives more fun to her life and she's thankful for that~

Nicknames: My flower, love and My dear

Voice line about you: "Y/n? Oh, their an amazing lover...one of the best in my opinion. Although not a lot of people know of me and y/n’s relationship...they still stuck with me.."

When she talks to you: "Love? Please come to our room, I..have something to show you..."

~Lady Librarian~ (Lisa Minci)

~Flirty Girlfriend~

- She would the teasing type, But mostly a flirt lol

- I expect her to pin you to the wall and whisper stuff in your ear...like ya know what I'm talking about -///-

- She would let you help her tutor Klee and razor, Your basically known as her assistant by now. Well her cute assistant-

- Your dates are always either reading together at the Knights of Favonius library since that's where she works and she's often quite busy, So you both spent your time together there. She doesn't really mind.

- When you guys are alone she would slack off and tell you to lay on her lap and she'll just pet you while reading you a book :3

- If you knew her in her akademiya days you bet she would help you with research, you both would be study buddies.

- Overall your dear Lisa is a teasing flirt and she wouldn't mind you being her assistant for life~

Nicknames: My love, sweetie, darling and sweetheart

Voice line about you: "Oh? Y/n? Why there my assistant of course! Oh my~ They helped you? Hehehe...they are my little assistant after all~"

When she talks to you: "Darling~ Can you help me with these books?"

~Cryo Mommy~ (Eula Lawrence)

~Tsundere Girlfriend~

- She doesn't really understand how to love someone nor how to treat a lover but....shes trying.

- She would do little things for you without telling you as shes shy about it, Helping you with commissions and just trying to help you with things.

- If you ask her to teach you to dance she wouldn't mind! Because she would love to hold you in her arms while teaching/helping you, She's so sweet💕

- Anyone who insults or speaks bad about you....all you'll hear is "I will have vengeance!", Good luck to those people🤞

- When your both alone she would be more....nicer you, By that I mean she would hold your hand, kiss your forehead or cheeks and just be sweet to you~

- Almost everything you do makes her either blush or smile and your the only one who sees her beautiful smiles. Well expections to some people🤭

- Sometimes you would have to reassure and comfort Eula....since we all know some people don't really like her.

- I feel like she would randomly touch your hair, Either to comfort you or she just wants to play with your hair, You don't really mind hehehe

- I'd say some children actually like her alot and admire her, They would sometimes try and copy her dance moves or spy on her and they would also ask you about Eula and you and the kids would talk about Eula :3

- Expect you both sitting down at one of Mondstadt's cliffs and just looking at the beautiful city, Very romantic~

- Your the only one who can make her smile like no tomorrow...honestly....she will have her vengeance....by making you feel safe and loved just like what you did with her💕

Nicknames: Love(Yea only that)

Voice line about you: "Y/n? There my partner what's wrong with that? Hm...you better stop bugging me about them *blush*"

When she talks to you: "Love...your stepping the wrong way its this way, Don't worry...practice makes perfect after all.

~Bunny Girl~ (Amber)

~Sweet Girlfriend~

- Let's face It, Amber is just the sweetest!

- She would help you on your commissions! Although she would be often very busy...sadly, So whenever you both have the time you guys go on adventures and lots of dates!

- She would either take you to dragonspine to visit Klee and albedo! And then to Mondstadt's cliffs to do some sightseeing.

- She would teach you how to use a bow and also how to defend yourself, Of course only if you don't know how to fight.

- Expect amber to always worry about you, She just wants you to be safe and if you get hurt she'll actually blame it on herself for not being there and able to protect you.......

- Your literally her partner in life and at work, Amber wouldn't wanna explore anywhere without you :3

Nicknames: My little bunny or big bunny, My lover and love

Voice line about you: "Hmmm...huh? Oh! hehehehe.....sorry I was just thinking about my lover...i haven't see ln them almost the whole day *Sad face*"

When she talks to you: "Love! Are you ok!? I heard you were ambushed...h-huh? I don't have to worry? I know...its just that...i don't want anything to happen to my bunny ya know?"

~Shy girl~ (Sucrose)

~Shy Girlfriend~

- She's shy AF, Which is obvious since she is very shy and an introvert.

- Because of her shy nature you would have to be the one to imitate love languages. She gets soo red when you hold her hand or kiss her cheeks and when you complement her, She just isn't used to someone so sweet and loving😊💕

- She gets inscure often since she wonders why your even with her in the first place, So when she gets those thoughts...please comfort her....she deserves it...

- She often invites you to help her with research or experiments, In her mind she thinks those are dates hehehehe....

- I feel like certain people(Albedo and lisa-) Would tease her about you, Their just happy for you both don't worry :3

- She would try and teach you about alchemy, Because she knows how interested you are in alchemy😌

- Omg imagine you and her cuddling for warmth while sleeping in dragonspine, Since it's COLD af there. But hold her tight since she's so warm💕

- Sometimes you might actually get creeped out by her...weird hilichurl experiments...but it's all in the name of science and alchemy don't worry😅

- She LOVES headpats, She would start putting her head under your head for more pats and it's soo cute😫💕

- She likes it when you touch her hair alot, She would want you to braid it, brush it or just run your hand through her hair, Your touch is just so comforting to her💕

- She knows that sometimes she's too shy to tell that she loves you or imitate touches to you but never in a million years would she ever leave you alone. Because your the only one who accepts her for her💕

Nicknames: My lover(Although a bit rarely since she's too shy)

Voice line about you: "M-mr albedo? What is it? O-oh...about y/n...w-well.. *Starts muttering and blushing cutely*"

When she talks to you: "A-ah! I-i-I...you kissed me! I...uhm..i...liked it *Red faced and starts muttering*"

~Knight Maid~ (Noelle)

~Caring Girlfriend~

- She's just a sweetheart but she's more caring~

- She will cook for you, clean your house for you and help you around. She really doesn't mind! It's the least she can do for you.

- If you'd let her she wants to help you do commissions, One cause she wants to prevent you from getting hurt and two to spend more time together✨

- She sometimes doubts herself, Because she thinks she isn't doing her best, But reasure her that she is. She needs it❤️

- On your free times you both would lay underneath a tree and just hold hands while talking or just taking a short nap under the sun, It's so sweet~

- Noelle doesn't like when you get hurt, When you do she will IMMEDIATELY treat you. No questions asked.

- Best girl. Best wife, Your lucky to have her, Even if she doesn't see that💕

Nicknames: My beloved, Darling and my sweetest

Voice line about you: "Hello there. Have you seen y/n? Because I would like to check up on them! Their at the knights headquarters? Oh thanks so much!"

When she talks to you: " *Humming while cooking* Oh? Hello darling, I cooked dinner for you! H-hold on I'll set it up. Hm? You wanna dine with me? O-oh...alright hehehe..."

I'M FINALLY DONE WITH THIS!

I'm soo so sorry this took a while, when I was about to finish it exams started so...it kinda messed up my schedule. But now I'm done! I also would like to apologize for any spelling errors or grammar errors...

I really hope you all enjoy this cause I actually had fun writing this :3

Anyways! tysm for reading this far because I know this is long af lol, and I hope u enjoyed the headcanons💕

#genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin headcanons #noelle x reader #amber x reader #eula x reader #lisa x reader #jean x reader #sucrose x reader #Monstadt girls #I hope you enjoyed!#This is long lol!#reblogs are appreciated!

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that-house · 4 months

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Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.