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darkeninganon · 3 years

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Heyo! Back at it again with Ghost Dream (Gream). He has a little weirdness happen in this chapter, mostly because my brain just yeeted off to Pluto. I don’t think I need any Trigger warnings, I mean... Tommy gets a little shaken up emotionally, but beyond that, this is a pretty safe chapter.

Gream smiled, setting up the final blocks to complete the diorama on the table. It had taken many days, but finally Gream had completed it, with the help of Tubbo, Ranboo, and Tommy. It was an exact replica of the server. Well, with a few changes. Some places had no walls, and the building in place of the prison was nothing more than an obsidian box surrounded by red and orange string. There were also the dolls, almost exact replicas of the people of the SMP.

Almost.

Tomothy had a blue sweater on, instead of whatever the real Tommy was wearing. William was grey-skinned, had no white streak, and was wearing a yellow sweater. Prezbo was wearing a classy suit, reflecting his position of power. Lethe was wearing a cloak and bandages over his eyes. Gream even made one like himself, naming it "Nightmare", it lacked a mask though. He was not about to try and figure out how to make a doll-sized mask. There were so many more as well: A centaur-like creature named "The Warden" sat on top of the prison box, a tall cloaked figure standing in a sandy area along with many other smaller ones, including a fox man; most notably was a figure in a bloody suit with crooked eyes, a pink scar slashing vertically through one, a beanie, a gold tooth, and a square smile. "Fangs", "Raev", "Sir"....

Gream shook his head, fear and dread creeping up his spine and making his stomach roll. He sighed, setting the dolls down after inspecting them. Raev was his favorite in the group; Gream had given him bright orange hair and a smile, plus a cute green-black suit. It clashed with the hair and fur, but Gream didn't mind, it was kind of cute in a way.

Gream continued to just stare at the little scene, sitting cross-legged as he took it all in. All of these characters were related, their stories tied together in some way. Gream reached over, pulling Nightmare from the little brick house he stood on and placing the doll in the cell The Warden stood on. That was where Nightmare belonged.

Gream spun to look at the door as the floor creaked, Tommy looming in the doorway, staring at the ghost.

"Hey there. Your table is finally done?" The teen asked, stepping into the room and over to the table. He wouldn't deny, it made him nervous; it was a replica of the SMP with New L'Manburg, the oldest version of the Community House, and the maximum security cell of the prison, plus Snowchester and Las Nevadas. It was like the server had been spliced between several time periods. "Looks good."

Gream looked back at the table, nodding. "Thanks. I also made the dolls." Gream motioned to them. He noticed Tommy tense, specifically when looking at the one in the prison. "That's Nightmare. He belongs in jail."

Tommy knew Dream was... quiet, to put it lightly, but he had never seen Gream do the same. "Yeah, and why's that?" he asked, sitting next to the ghost.

"He did a lot of bad things." Gream grabbed the doll, pulling it from the "jail" to look at it more.

"Well... sometimes people do bad things for a good reason-"

"That doesn't make it okay. Nightmare did a lot of bad things. He wanted to have a family... He wanted Tomothy to be his little brother, but Tomothy chose William, and William was a megalomaniacle dick to everyone, even Nightmare. But then William died and things got better." Gream placed Nightmare back in the cell. "But... William managed to convince Tomothy that Nightmare was evil, and Nightmare saw people drifting apart because he gave Prezbo a test, and Prezbo failed it." He grabbed the two dolls, holding them close. He then placed Prezbo back in the town he had built, placing Tomothy in a bare plains-like area with wooden fort-like walls around him. "Prezbo kicked Tomothy out of their home because Nightmare got mad and threatened the town. Then, Nightmare tried to... twist? Corrupt? No, neither of those words work..."

Tommy's breath hitched, and it took a moment for him to speak; "Manipulate?" His voice pitched up. Fuck, he really had to get that under control. It was such a tell.

Gream looked to Tommy, nodding solemnly. "Yeah. Nightmare tried to manipulate Tomothy into liking him. Like William had done when alive. Instead, Tomothy just hated him more." Gream picked up another doll, rolling it around. "Then, Nightmare asked for Lethe's help. A favor. Lethe needed to protect the server, but he had to forget everything unless there was actual danger. A True threat. They cast some... spell or something, and Lethe forgot." Gream placed the doll in the area that looked like Snowchester, and now Tommy could see who it looked like: Ranboo. "there is a way to reverse it, but... I don't know if Lethe knows it."

Tommy watched, listened. It was so obvious who was meant to be who. It was like Gream... Wait... "Hey, so... you said Nightmare wanted a family, right?"

"Yeah."

"So... he made everyone think he was evil... and now he's in jail, yeah?"

"That's right. Mostly. He is in jail."

"Well... did... I mean, how did he get in there?"

Tommy watched as Gream seemed to think, staying silent and still before grabbing "Nightmare" from his cell. "Well... everyone teamed up against him. But... even though he'd never see anyone again, he was happy."

"Why?"

"Because, they were finally a family." Gream placed the little doll back in the cell. His voice was soft, wistful.

Tommy nodded. "Pardon me." He stood and left, Gream nodding to show he had heard. Tommy barely made it to the stairs, clinging to the railing as he finally broke. Gream was... He wasn't just playing out his memories, he was sharing what he felt and his thoughts at the time. Dream was... Jealous? No, that didn't excuse his actions, at all! He was still worse than... But... No, he wasn't. Dream was just more physical, less mental.

Tommy took out his communicator, sending a message to Tubbo and Ranboo: We need to talk. Meet me at Snowchester. Bring the others Ranboo. Tommy grit his teeth. He couldn't let Wilbur near Gream. Wilbur would see Gream as an easy mark, and likely a way into Las Nevadas. Sure, seeing Dream's version of everyone on the SMP was unnerving, but it was even more unnerving that he has so perfectly replicated Quackity and Las Nevadas. Quackity who was likely the reason Gream even existed in the first place, and also someplace Dream had never seen. Gream probably didn't even know he had done that.

Tommy swung open the front door, hoping to meet the others right at the tunnel; nearly smacking right into Wilbur. Fuck.

"Tommy! There you are! Now, look, I know me and Quackity were a bit intense-"

"Not now Wilbur."

"Okay, but hear me out! We need so much more stone, and more importantly, we need to team up with-"

"I have more important things to worry about here."

"It'll just take a moment! We team up with Tubbo and Ranboo and let them expand into our land right by Las Nevadas, and-"

"I'll talk to you about it later, alright?"

"Alright, but real quick, We also need to come up with a plan to get Dream out of Prison-" Tommy tensed, unseen by Wilbur; "Because, you know, he has that book that brought me back. God, imagine how useful that'll be! No more death ever! We can fight for eternity and no one can stop-"

Wilbur's head was snapped to the side. Tommy had punched him. "He's not a fucking tool you can just lock up once you're done using him! What the fuck man?!" Wilbur groaned, rubbing his jaw as he slowly turned to look at Tommy, clearly wanting to say something, but too shocked to do so. "You will... never get the revive book, or the power it holds... Dream is... I hope Sam kills you again." Tommy turned away from Wilbur, storming over to the tunnel. He knew Wilbur was following silently behind, confused and desperate to say something, to get to the bottom of why Tommy just punched him.

Tommy stood by the tunnel, furious. Sure, Dream was a dick, and everything would have been solved if Dream had just talked to Tommy, but at the same time... Asking Gream more about Nightmare would shed some light. But he needed everyone else to show up first, to see what Gream was doing. Tommy tapped his foot, staring at the sky as they waited for everyone else.

Ranboo burst from the tunnel, trident in hand, panicked expression, netherite on. "What's going on?!" Someone crashed into the poor half enderman, causing him to make that distinct noise of an enderman in pain as they crashed to the ground.

"Shit! Sorry-" Phil couldn't complete his apology as the rest on the Syndicate tumbled out of the hyper tunnel, crashing into each other.

Tommy snorted, trying his hardest not to laugh as the four people untangled themselves. Ah yes, the most fearsome group on the server, couldn't navigate a hyper tunnel. Tommy lost it as Tubbo came speeding out of the tunnel with a scream, crashing into his platonic husband and causing Ranboo to let out another pained enderman noise. Something about Ranboo yelling like an enderman was just so funny to Tommy, surely he was cursing in the language of the End.

"What did you want to talk to us about, Tommy?" Niki cut in, her usually calm voice cold, snapping Tommy out of his laughing fit.

"Right, uh... Let’s walk and talk, yeah? It's a little tough to explain." Tommy lead the group to the mansion, casting a quick glare at Wilbur. "So, you all know about Gream, yeah? Of course you do, anyways, he was building and working on a table to play games with when it comes to spending time with Big Mike, since neither are really allowed to leave due to safety." Tommy glanced back, making sure everyone was following along; Techno and Wilbur looked completely lost, while Niki looked confused but was clearly listening. "So, the thing about this table, more importantly the dolls he made for the table, is that they're... well... This is going to sound really weird, but it’s everyone and everywhere on the server. You’ll see." Tommy pointed to the door, and everyone crowded around to peer into the room.

Gream sat by the table, looming over it. Even with the cursed mask on, it was clear he was concentrating hard on something. The table and dolls had his full attention. Tommy motioned for everyone to linger back, hiding just outside the door-frame; before he walked in, he let out a quiet cough to not startle Gream. The ghost looked up at the noise, spotting Tommy and nodding at the teen.

"Hey Gream. I... actually had a question for you about that uh... Nightmare character." Tommy carefully walked up to the table, pulling the doll from the cell.

"Well, ask then."

Tommy smiled nervously, fidgeting with the toy. "Well... You said he did bad things because he was angry... jealous, actually. Um, why didn't he just talk it out?" It was such a huge risk, and for all Tommy knew, this could make Gream angry and have the ghost snap like he did back at his house.

Gream was silent, perking up as if thinking about something. Finally, he sighed. "Nightmare... Nightmare can't figure out his emotions... and he doesn't like talking about them... Someone... Hurt him once, someone he loved. It’s something I understand, but... you prefer talking about things, right?"

Tommy was quiet, frozen. "What?"

"I..." Gream pulled on the edges of his mask, a puddle of acid began to form under him. "Ever since the incident with Jack and Puffy I... Tommy, you're not telling me the truth, are you? No one is!"

Tommy flinched. He could hear netherite armor being thrown on behind him, but he took a breath, relaxing as he placed the doll back in the cell. "You're right. I haven't been honest. But-" Tommy held his hand up as Gream glared at him; "But I have my reasons. Nightmare... He did bad things for a good reason... He knew he'd go into jail for it, didn't he?"

Gream was silent, thinking again before nodding.

"That's why he asked Lethe for a favor. Well... People do bad things for good reasons all the time. I'm... withholding information from you for some very good reasons. It's not just for your safety, it's also for me. The things I'm keeping from you... they're things I don't like talking about, ever." Tommy sighed, running a hand through his hair. It sucked having to try to explain it, but now... Now they'll get to see things from Dream's view... something that no one was interested in before-

"Dream died?!"

Tommy cringed as he was reminded that Wilbur was there. "Yes, Dream died. Congradu-"

Wilbur shoved Tommy out of the way, grabbing Gream's hand and shaking it vigorously. "It's amazing to meet you! You and I were such- Oh man, we had so much fun together! I was... What was the word again? Oh yeah! I was your vassal! You helped me blow-"

Tommy shoved Wilbur away. "Alright, enough! Leave the poor guy alone!" Tommy stood between Wilbur and the ghost, Gream didn't need to know that he helped destroy L’Manburg or was a traitor or anything like that. Wait... Tommy shook his head. Dream was never really on their side.

"You... I don't like you."

"I'm.... What? What do you-"

"You're a megalomaniac aren't you?" Gream crossed his arms, glaring at Wilbur from behind his mask. "You... You were... Why do I hate you?" Gream turned away, pacing around until he looked to the table. He grabbed Nightmare and William, setting them up along with Tomothy on a hill. He stared at them, gently fiddling with Nightmare as he stayed quiet.

Wilbur went to go say something, but Tommy stopped him, staring intently at the ghost.

"You could have been a good leader... But I don't want to be a good leader. I hate you so much, I'm going to be worse than ram man... I will tear this place apart because I hate you... Tomothy gave up everything and you gave up nothing, you are going to get him killed..."

Gream removed Tomothy, setting him up with Prezbo on top of an obsidian wall. "Can't we all just be a family... No, you're the bad guy... but why?" Gream stopped, picking up Nightmare and holding him close. "But why?"

#Gream #Ghost Dream #mcytg/t #mcyt g/t #Gream is trying to remember things #but he doesn't see himself/Dream/Who Dream Became as the same #So if he were to ever make a ''pre-wilbur'' version of himself #he'd call it Dream as opposed to Nightmare #I was super creative with names wasn't I? XD #He also references the incident with George #angst

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leviiattacks · 3 years

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Two Faced | Chapter Eight

↳ levi ackerman, the very person who was about to kindly behead you by a surprising turn of events manages to become your loving husband? you would be elated if this was true love, but it’s all thanks to a mysterious magic spell that your life is spared, for now at least.

pairing :: duke!levi x duchess!reader genre :: royal au ??? (at this point idek) angst, fluff, slice of life etc ?? word count :: 4.8k author note :: i’ve been very ill so yeah, not the best writing but i really can’t go that long without wanting to write so i ended up writing an update, i hope you enjoy it, it’s longer than usual :D sorry for any mistakes it hasn’t been proof read at all :-( → next part coming soon!!

“Hey, newbie you haven't spoke about your home town much have ya?"

You lift your head, verifying Reiner's suspicions with a nod. You recall he's the same distasteful blonde brute who made those snide remarks about Hange. He must be at least a towering six foot if his shadow is able to cover the majority of the Sun's rays from hitting you.

You would maybe bother to give him and his inquiry more attention than you currently are if he hadn't been so unnecessarily impolite during the morning speeches.

Calves yelping in stinging pain from the first tastes of the full time training regime you simply cannot find the effort to strain your mind with small talk.

Temples throbbing it feels as if a sword has been forced through the side of your head, but that's not it at all. Reiner has thrown a small rock at you and you hear him chuckle under his breath.

Twisting your position so you face him you glare in displeasure.

Although you don't particularly enjoy the idea of joining Levi's unit and having to become a concealed agent of sorts you can't really take your pickings at how it is you wish to survive. You're going to have to deal with it and you've come to the stage of acceptance now.

However, you are not willing to respect the attitude some of these cadets are giving you, it's clear there's already a strong hierarchy in place.

Reiner just so happens to be one of the big guns from what you've been able to observe. He possess strong upper body strength and his hand to hand combat isn't a laughing matter either. That means he's higher up in the ladder of cadets, that's for sure. To top it all off you know you're not as powerful as other members in the team in terms of skill and he's probably silently making a mockery of you for it.

Pursing your lips you decide to play this game cautiously, asking him what it is he needs from you isn't the best option. You're aware he's after something, it's written all over his face. You practically know every deceptive look in the book off by heart. You suppose it's the only perk you got out of living in a noble household for most of your life.

"Why do you care?" You bluntly question him.

"Ohh, you're feisty. Might not want to butt heads with Annie."

"Not sure who that is but I don't plan on it."

Turning away from him it look like you're distracting yourself by collecting pieces of firewood. Trailing around you act as uncaring as possible to annoy him. You need to gauge this man's reaction somehow.

Your plan seems to be working in your favour because you're able to see his footing shift from his natural stance, it looks as if he's about to risk charging at you due to your vulnerable position but you rotate again offering him a knowing smile.

You don't tell him you're conscious of his suspicious nature but if he's quick witted enough he'll be able to figure out you aren't a threat and apparently don't have a clue what it is he's up to. The only reason he'd even consider attacking you would be if he saw you as an issue. For now your act should at least keep him at bay.

"Fine. I'll tell you about my hometown, I'm just..." You pause to make yourself look believable and proceed to look up at him through your lashes, you dart your gaze away and awkwardly scratch the back of your neck exuding coyness.

"I'm incredibly homesick. I miss mother. I always made supper for her, now I can only pray she's not eating burnt chicken." Your act has to be working because his eyes soften and he takes half of the firewood in your arms offering to help you carry it.

"My mum's a great cook, can't relate squirt."

"Who you calling squirt?" You playfully snap back.

"I call everybody that, even Captain Levi... Well, when he isn't around to hear it."

You bite the inside of your cheek at the mention of the Levi's name.

“So you and the Captain? What’s that all about?” His question makes no sense at all, one minute he wants to prod and poke in your personal home life yet the next minute he's asking questions about Levi. The doubts you have surrounding him only thicken.

You take a moment to consider his question,

“Whatever do you mean?” Clueless, you're delivery is excellent. Acting naive is easy enough, everyone within the corps has already decided that's what your automatic disposition is.

Reiner gives you a skeptical look then smiles faintly, “Glaring daggers at Jean after he got handsy with you?”

You cover your mouth with your free hand and laugh so hard the firewood nearly flies out of your grasp.

“Me and Jean are friends, and Levi? He just wanted to find a reason to get mad at us probably.” You hope the explanation suffices because you truly have no idea why Levi had done what he did.

Reiner hums in approval at your answer but he then grins.

“You on first name basis with the Captain?”

Fuck, you called him Levi.

Play it cool.

“Huh? When have I ever said his first name?” Clueless. Your delivery is still perfect.

“Just now.” He fires back, Reiner doesn't seem to be letting up but he doesn't know how smooth of a liar you are.

Living with your father for all those years conditioned you in ways you hadn't even noticed until quite recently.

“Did I? Pardon, I didn’t mean for it to slip out. Sometimes I silently curse him out in my head and forget to add his title.”

Your acting is impeccable, Reiner has no reason to doubt you. As you expect he doesn't instead he shifts the conversation to his hometown, just like you he doesn't explicitly mention a name. Reiner is sharp but he hasn't noticed the way you've left a name out just like him. He's terrible at catching out his own kind.

You decide at that moment that Reiner Braun is a liar. The accusation is more of a hunch meaning more investigation is required.

You won't inform any of the higher ups about it just yet.

The walk back to base is filled with excruciatingly troublesome small talk and you make a mental note to take Mikasa along with you next time it's your turn retrieve the firewood.

You can't afford any more close encounters with Braun or any of his possible accomplices.

Sniggers batter your ears as soon as you step foot onto the grounds, you have a sixth sense when it comes to spiteful bad-mouthing and after the abysmal day you've had you anticipate there will be unpleasant commentary.

"Seen the way Y/N ruined the assault course today?"

"We're the finalized cadets across all the regions of Paradis. That means we have to rely on that embarrassment to fight titans."

"Good Lord, someone have mercy on our souls."

Fellow cadets press on in their criticism thinking you aren't within earshot. That, or they purposefully aim for you to pay attention to the disapproval they have of your presence.

But, you do understand where they're coming from. You make another mental note - practice a bit more later today.

The gossiping isn't anything you're unfamiliar with, your father's palace never offered kindness to you or your existence. In fact it's rather comforting being talked badly about behind your back.

That statement sounds absurd but you can't explain it. Maybe it's due to Levi typically hurling his unnecessary remarks right at you without warning. Then again he does provide everyone with that treatment, even Commander Erwin.

As you hurry away increasing the distance between you and your loud mouthed team members you spot Levi from the corner of your eye. He's in conversation with Hange but you notice how his jaw is clenched in frustration, you feel a pinch over your skin when he spares you a fleeting look. Eyes acquainting yours. Paying no attention to him you walk away as fast as you can.

The cadets only blow up in volume now, they definitely want you to hear what they have to say.

"Maybe we should ask the higher ups to throw her ou-"

"Questioning authority? Pesky mutineers aren't you?" Levi's booming voice shakes anyone within a five metre vicinity, he comes out of nowhere and seems nothing short of furious.

"You're all," He continues, voice rising, "Incredibly spineless aren't you?"

One of the cadets embellishes their face with a scowl, it doesn't go unnoticed by Levi but he astonishingly doesn't lash out, physically at least. His deathly glare is more than enough to finish the job.

Stupidly you suffer feeling your heart palpitate in your chest watching him talk to the group of three. Stupidly, you're getting your hopes up again.

He scoffs coldly, "If you're all talk why not offer to duel her?"

It doesn't take long for your heart to stop throbbing with its previous intensity. You know it was too good to be true. Levi suddenly defending you that is.

The gesture isn't done to protect or shield you. No, you're sure this man loathes you and is intending to persist on making your life as bleak and dreary as possible.

"Up to a battle Y/N?" The unnamed blonde cadet's scoffs in derision and you find yourself wanting to punch her square in the jaw.

Irritation sears through you but you meekly shake your head mumbling a weak "No thanks.", you're much too afraid to duel anyone just yet and you don't remember her from the training sessions. She must have been in a corner keeping to herself.

With all that being said and done you pathetically withdraw, and just like the past few days you sense Levi's piercing gaze erupting into your soul.

The blistering Sun hits every nook and cranny of the training ground. Waking up early already has you wanting to pass out and the heat isn't any help.

The crowd of cadets mumble in fatigue but observant Mikasa jabs you in the shoulder pointing out how far away Jean has stood from you.

You feel guilty that Jean had to suffer through the humiliation tossed at him yesterday but you are grateful to not deal with his constant questioning and talkative self this early in the morning.

All the way at the other side of the throng of soldiers he stands with Bert, who might you add is a mammoth of a man.

Through some digging (more like asking Mikasa) you've discovered he's close with Reiner and the blonde cadet from yesterday's confrontation, turns out she's the Annie that Reiner warned you off.

"ATTENTION!" Hange sing songs at the front of the training ground. They're jumping around along with Squad Leader Mike checking if everyone's in the correct uniform - Apparently the year prior a cadet showed up wearing a thick cardigan and fainted from heat stroke...

“Today’s exercise is a time to redeem yourself!” Hange’s eyes dart towards you and you smile at one another.

“A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!”

Everyone murmurs looking at each other in pure confusion.

“A fight up against another person. Whoever wins their individual fights will receive extra special privileges." The explanation seems simple enough and you’re confident that if you’re put up against the right people you can make it out safe.

The promise of a reward is also enticing.

The 104th Training Corps are thrilled, there’s nothing too hazardous about the task and it’s nothing difficult to ask for. Even you’re looking forward to it. The chance to rescue your reputation has you pumped up with adrenaline.

“My, my my. Don’t excite yourselves just yet little hens, there’s a pretty little catch.” Hange's voice is laced in mischief. This can't be any good.

Everyone stops breathing in unison and it’s pin drop silent.

“You must cause harm to your opponent in some way. Whether it be making them faint, breaking an arm, breaking a leg. There are no rules when it comes to playing dirty!”

With a playful shrug of their shoulder Hange hops off the podium.

Squad Leader Mike pulls out the list of competitors. He’s decided the line-up on his own and begins the announcement with Bertholdt.

“BERTHOLDT HOOVER..."

Bert turns to look back at Reiner hesitantly and for such a giant it’s adorable how worried he is when everyone else is perturbed thinking about the poor individual who has to go up against him.

"AGAINST Y/N L/N!"

The crowd falls silent and your mouth is wide, this is unjust there’s no way this is allowed.

“Hey, don’t you think that’s kinda unfair?” Krista speaks out for you even though Ymir is by her side trying to talk her out of getting involved.

“She stands no chance against him.” Reiner is supporting your cause too.

Mikasa takes a step forward. “I agree, it’s not right, may I take her place instead?”

“No, no! It’s alright, I’ll go for it.”

Honestly you don’t want the corps to see you as a coward. Bravery and courage is what brought everyone here. Your story is different. You’re here to selfishly save your own life, you aren’t anywhere near as valiant as the rest of them. The very least you can do is partake in activities correctly.

Stepping up to the podium you stand by Bertholdt he gives you a pitiful look whilst he mutters an apology.

Mike continues announcing the names. A few include Jean against Mikasa (Jean may as well forfeit), Marco against Annie and Connie against Reiner - that pairing eases you. At least you aren't in this alone. You and Connie stand no chance against those beasts.

Everyone lines up in their separate areas and again Bertholdt is profusely apologizing asking if you want to fake faint or anything of the sort. You shake your head and promise to give it all you've got.

And then the games begin at the sound of the bell, and damn that Bertholdt because he isn't keeping to his end of the bargain. He lunges forward viciously aiming to crush your entire body but you swiftly dodge, he tries the same approach but when you duck out of the way again he stops knowing he needs to rethinks his strategy.

"Just give it up I'll win either way."

Well, the Mister nice guy act was definitely a believable performance. He was so convincing you even contemplated feigning unconsciousness when he proposed the idea to you.

Bertholdt is much slower than you giving you more time to deliberate your incoming moves. If you can get him to edge close enough to a nearby tree and deceive him into colliding with the oak trunk you should win - only on the condition that he passes out.

The scheme is far-fetched but it's your only hope.

Dashing from various corners he flies after you, each time unable to catch up to you.

That is until you stumble and lurch to the ground. The wind is knocked out of your lungs and you panic when a large hand clutches at your ankle. Your solution? Booting him right in the teeth.

However with an earth-shattering amount of force Hoover's hold on your ankle doesn't weaken. Instead he tightens his hold like a vice. You feel it bruise and the violet discoloration that'll be present in a few hours makes you wince.

Entire body going limp on command, you stop yourself from breathing - another talent you picked up back at the palace to avoid extra beatings.

When you no longer thrash around Bertholdt stalks in to check in on you and as expected he’s now towering over you, blood overflowing in terror.

"SQUAD LEADER HANGE, CAPTAIN LEVI SHE'S NOT MOVING!" He's roaring for their help frantic and anxious. If he's caused any permanent damage he's as good as dead meat.

"Oh my Lord. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

Bertholdt's voice is fractured in unadulterated horror and judging by the direction you hear it at he has to be facing away from you.

Unbolting your eyes you learn your assumption is correct and despite hurried footsteps being within audible range you take your chance by the reigns.

Leaping to your feet and with no forewarning you swing your leg to the back of his neck. Stunned by the surprise attack he falls to his knees and you situate yourself in front of the oak tree you've been eyeing from the time the exercise began.

"You cunning bitch." Staggering back up he makes a swift rebound. At this point all mercy has left him and his one true aim is to completely pulverize you.

Everything is falling into place. All you need to do is wait for the right moment and finally you come across it when he suddenly pounces for you. Darting to the left you leave the space open for your prey.

Poor Bertholdt falls right into the palm of your hands like a rag doll. His momentum can't be controlled and he smashes headfirst into the trunk with a loud crunch sounding out. Bark splits and scrapes off the tree upon impact.

His head has to throb and you don't want to imagine how painful it is to feel the rivulets of soreness.

He doesn't get up and only groans, you feel half bad but after the tricks and antics he pulled you come to the conclusion that it's all deserved.

"Well, Y/N, you've proven yourself to be quite quick witted." Hange's praise is strange to hear but you beam proud that you've proven your worth.

"Oi, don't get ahead of yourself." Levi orders. "It could have been pure luck."

In spite of Levi's pessimism you bask in the glory of your win.

A week into joining Levi's unit you're becoming more accustomed to the new environment, in fact the gossiping and horrible rumours stop completely after your win and interactions with your fellow comrades feel easier and lighter.

You think the taunts will have only got more relentless after the duel fiasco but you suppose Annie chose to be considerate and take pity on you.

"Your progress has been remarkable so far." You jump when you hear Jean's deep voice appear right next to you.

Looking around to see if any other cadets are around you finally release a breath you didn't even know you were holding in.

"Ah. Thank you." You murmur quietly.

"I know it's been a week since I was scolded by the Captain but this won't count as flirting will it?"

Impeding the one sided conversation you're reflecting, you're not sure what exactly about. Probably whether or not you should maintain the discussion - if it can even be referred to as such.

Forget it. You know what they say, you only live once.

Flicking his forehead you roll your eyes, "We were never flirting he's just an over dramatic, bitter hag. I put my money on the fact he's never felt the touch of a woman before."

Jean's eyes widen in disbelief, you half expect he'll split open in tremendous laughter but he looks terrified. Then you become conscious of the fact he's not even staring at you, his eyes are engrossed by whatever is behind you.

Unfortunately for you your body tells you all you need to know. His cologne floods into your nostrils, you can't even reassure yourself and pretend it's anyone else, you know he's the only one who smells that strongly of fresh linen.

Being unable to see him doesn't stop you from imagining his dark lifeless eyes accompanying themselves with what is before them.

It doesn't even take Jean a minute to abandon you, he breaks out into an awkward smile, hurriedly pats your shoulder before dashing away, dispersing all the way to the other end of the hallway in a matter of seconds and turning the corner away from you.

Heart rate soaring you hesitantly spin on your heel. Levi's stood there, looking beyond unimpressed.

You intend to breeze past him, cool and collected. You take a step forward but God has never been one to bless you with luck, stumbling and tripping over thin air lands you flying.

Ready for impact you brace yourself but it never comes, instead solid hands are firmly placed at the small of your back steadying your position and your palms have unceremoniously landed atop his torso.

"Play along." Levi's voice is low and rumbling, and you can't look him in the eyes. Not out of fear or dread, more so exhaustion but you muster the energy to look to your left. There Erwin and Hange stand giggling to themselves like children. As quick as you spot them they vanish in the same fashion. It's as if they were never there.

You're worn out and fatigued wanting nothing more than a good night's rest. If there's one thing you haven't grown used to it's the lack of sleep.

"Let go." Moving to shift his hands away from your waist you halt your movements when he without warning lets go of you, not even giving you the opportunity to renovate your balance.

Flying to the ground and landing with a thud you rub your backside at the blow.

Mirthlessly chuckling the lack of amusement is clear in the way he composes himself.

Making a dash for it sounds tempting but you may as well let him have his way. There's no action you can take to avoid him reprimanding you. It's your fault for having the gall to make that crude and foul-mouthed comment in the first place.

You gulp comprehending the situation is even worse now since you really only said it for the sole reason of Kirstein's amusement.

"Y/N, I'd like to have a word with you."

Hesitantly you look up at Levi, he has an indecipherable expression on his face, it's been a while since you've last been left in his company alone.

The two of you are stood in his office, his desk is flooded with papers, they're haphazardly scattered all over the place and spikes of worry weirdly make them self present in your belly. This isn't right. He'd never leave his work space in this state.

"Are you okay?" You ask it because you’re sure he isn't.

His shoulders and spine stiffen. "Cut the crap and keep the formalities to yourself." He chides, most definitely defensive in his stance.

Without asking him you shuffle to his desk stacking the papers into organised piles, most of the documents are related to an up and coming expedition and it's all beginning to add up. Even humanities strongest soldier has moments where he cracks.

Then you notice your name on the formation plan but before you're able to make anything out of it Levi snatches it off his desk and away from you stuffing it into his pocket.

Without another sound he observes you cleaning the rest of the mess away but doesn't ask for you to stop. There's no reason for him to.

If you do this maybe he'll go easier on you, yeah that's what your motivation is. That's not exactly the truth, really you're just concerned about whatever has him worked up.

Placing the last document in its rightful place you want to give your mind a moment to recollect itself but Levi doesn't think the same.

He places his arms on either side of the desk, trapping you with no way out. Oddly, there's nothing threatening about him looking down at you this time, the greys and blues of his iris' captivate you.

"Do you enjoy making a mockery of your husband?" The question is whispered. It's unanticipated and the title of husband is uncharacteristic coming out of his mouth.

"It was just a joke." You mumble your answer under your breath.

"Would you have spouted that shit in front of the rest of the unit?"

Mildly shaking your head he then sighs. He’s not angry, he genuinely seems let down.

"Do you prefer him over me?” You swear you hear the faintest hint of self-doubt.

His questions are getting more out of the ordinary by the second and you’re waiting for him to crack a malevolent grin before he ridicules you like he always does.

“Of course I don’t prefer him over you.”

“Prove it.”

Tilting your head up towards him you have no idea what he wants for you to do or say, why does this suddenly even matter to him?

And then you imagine it happen, him digging his hands into your shoulders. Your weight along with his shifting up against the desk making it creak. Your mind details how he would kiss you agitatedly and you flush thinking about how you would feverishly return the favour.

It seems like your imagination predicts the future. He grips your jaw with his hand, his touch isn’t firm and for once it’s quite soft. Relishing in the new experience as he leans in you secure your eyes shut in expectation.

Stroking your cheek with his thumb the warm sensation that courses through your body is rather pleasant. His hands come out to run against your body, pinching the sides of your waist. The motion makes your heart stall for a second. Involuntarily, you find yourself leaning into him.

“This seem like a man who hasn’t felt the touch of a woman before?”

And just like that he leaves you hanging. You flutter your eyes open and there he is. He’s back, the same cynical man, smirk etched onto his features, his body still parallel to yours.

You find yourself enraged at how he's just lead and dragged you on, you should have stuck with your gut feeling and not given into temptation but you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat. It's very obvious who the cat is in this situation.

Brows furrowing you can’t face him ever again after the scalding embarrassment inhabits your abdomen.

"Going to cry, Cadet?" He's pushing all your buttons, eagerly choosing to provoke you.

The frustration you’ve been feeling fills you to the brim and you clamp down on your bottom lip. If you must turn to inflicting harm onto yourself just to muffle the sound of your whimpers you will.

“Did you need to do that?” You choke out your response feeling helpless, still not looking at him.

“Simply gave you a taste of your own medicine.”

Silence.

"Sometimes I wish you killed me back then."

Silver eyes become dark and he visibly flinches at your confession.

Still boxed in-between his arms you attempt to push past but he continues to obstruct the exit. He's not done yet.

"I gave you another chance at life." His blunt one-sided view is about to drive you crazy.

"Within my first day at this unit I had to avoid being attacked by another cadet in the forest if you call that a life I do-"

“Who?”

“Not important."

“If you know what's good for you, you'll spit it out."

For the sole purpose of irking him you heavily shake your head to emphasise your refusal to give in and name the culprit. It's not like you want Reiner to fall into trouble because of you. He hasn't shown any suspicious or out of the ordinary behaviour since then and you worry what Levi is capable of doing when given a reason to hurt someone.

Glancing at him dismissively you try to make your point again. "They haven't done anything since. Therefore, it's of no importance."

Conflicted emotions scurry over his face as he looks at you.

"It's of importance if my wif-" He growls and stops midway. His hands grip onto the desk even harder, knuckles turning white.

Was he about to say, wife?

Levi immediately realizes what he's nearly just said sounds exceedingly questionable. A look of uncertainty flashes over his face and then it seems he loses all regard for self-control. His willpower isn't enough to get him through this situation and he only amplifies.

Encroaching further into the very little space amongst the both of you his tone is icy. "Tell me." He's glowering and for Reiner's wellbeing you decide you should just come out with it now. He'll be in an even more difficult spot if you don't.

"Reiner, it was Reiner." You gasp out the answer, shallow breath ragged. Head turning away to the side you're not particularly sure why you're so shaky and why you feel a tremor flood past you inundating your movement. It may all be a combination of how close he's standing to you and how intoxicatingly strong his aura is.

Or, perhaps it's due to how he nearly referred to you as his wife during his primal outburst of anger.

He turns away. Automatically creating yet another blockade between the two of you.

"You're dismissed."

#levi #levi ackerman #aot #snk #attack on titan levi #attack on titan #levi x y/n #levi x reader #aot fanfiction #aot headcanons #duke levi #levi smut #levi angst #levi fluff #levi fanfiction #leviiattacks

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scarlet-star-witch · 3 years

Text

Fade Into You - Part 18 (Mandalorian/OC)

Summary: Din has spent a year grieving the love of his life. While he thinks he has lost her forever, she lingers in the darkness, her mind twisted and manipulated, with no memory of him or the love they shared. What will it take for Din to help her remember?

Warnings: Violence and a whole lotta angst (why do I do this to my favourite couple - readers I’m so sorry)

First Part Previous Part Next Part

Din was breathing heavily, his entire body tense as stone as he put all his might behind his body as he battered it against the locked door. His fear was reaching new heights to the point that it was almost blinding. He could feel every fibre of his being vibrating with anger.

The end felt close and the result, happy or devastating, was choking him.

He knew if he lost her, for real this time, it would be the end of him.

Ignoring the pain in his shoulder, pain that even his armour couldn’t deflect, he continued to slam his body against the door, desperate to break it open, to have his wife by his side again and kill Voros with his bare hands.

He knew Iella was facing her biggest fear and to know she was doing it alone was the most terrifying and intimidating moment he’d ever faced in his entire bounty hunting career.

Nothing compared to this moment.

“Fuck,” He muttered through gritted teeth, ignoring the wince of pain that flashed through him as his shoulder hit the door again. “El! Open the damn door you cowards!” He screamed.

He knew they could hear his desperation, he knew they could pinpoint his weakness easily, but he didn’t care. After everything he’d been through, after losing Iella and finding her again, he couldn’t pretend this wasn’t devastating.

“What’s going on?” Cara yelled, appearing at his side as she shot at the occasional passerby.

“She’s in there.”

Cara’s face fell and she stared at the door with fear. “And…”

“He’s in there with her.” Din answered her unasked question, the one they feared the most.

Cara took a long second, her mind racing before she followed Din’s lead and threw herself against the door, desperate to get it open. Din looked at her, his gratitude overflowing from him, and he continued, using every ounce of his strength to try to open the door that separated him from the love of his life.

Iella’s body was frozen where she stood, rigid and tense, ready for bloodshed at any second. Her eyes never left her old master as he stood from his chair and made his way down the few steps that separated them.

She took a small step backwards, wanting to keep the distance that separated them.

“It’s been awhile, my darling. You look wonderful.” He crooned charmingly, only making her stomach turn all the more.

Din’s pounding on the door behind them continued, making her wince and squeeze her eyes shut, trying her hardest to not let any tears fall.

His attempts to get to her and his desperate, fearful voice that called out to her only made Voros laugh, as if he found the situation the funniest thing he had ever heard.

“Well, he’s quite persistent, isn’t he?”

Iella ignored his words, keeping her harsh gaze locked on him. The guards at the door who kept their weapons pointed at her meant nothing, they didn’t register as threats in the slightest. The only thing on her mind was Voros.

“Why are you here, darling?”

“You know why.” She ground out through gritted teeth.

Voros snickered and shook his head. “To kill me, is that right?” He guessed correctly.

Iella tightened her grip on her knife, her expression not faltering.

“Let me guess, you realized what I had done to you, reunited with your bucket head of a husband, and you now hate my guts.” Voros drawled, taking slow steps towards her. “But, there’s something not adding up.”

Iella swallowed thickly, trying hard not to flinch under his scrutinizing gaze. She always felt like he could read her mind, like he knew everything she was feeling just with one harsh glance.

“If you were really happy you would’ve stayed by your husband’s side. You would’ve lived happily ever after, escaping me at every turn.” He eyed her carefully, taking a long pause. “But you’re here, confronting me… because you’re not happy, are you, darling?”

Iella swallowed thickly, schooling her expression so he wouldn’t find out the truth, but, as always with Voros, it was a losing game.

“I knew my machine worked.” He smiled deviously. “You don’t remember who you are. You don’t remember that husband of yours, you don’t remember your family, you don’t remember anything about yourself. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

Iella stayed quiet, but her expression gave everything away. Voros just laughed loudly, clapping his hands together as if the situation delighted him, like it was the best news he could have ever received.

“There’s this hole inside you, this darkness that you can’t grasp, no matter how hard you try. That’s why you’re here, putting your husband in danger. You think killing me will restore that darkness inside you. You think if I don’t exist, neither will that killer inside of you.” Voros monologued smugly.

Iella clenched her jaw, hating that everything he was saying was the truth.

Stay calm. He wants you to be angry and reckless. Don’t let him get under your skin.

“You’re smarter than that, Darling. You know killing me won’t change anything. Putting a knife in my heart won’t magically get your memories back, it won’t change your past or the bodies you’ve left in your wake… and it certainly won’t make you love the Mandalorian.”

Iella took in a ragged breath, feeling her anger beginning to overwhelm her.

She thought she had it under control, she thought she could be the bigger person, but as Voros goaded her about her biggest insecurities, as she heard Din’s voice crying out for her on the other side of the door, she cracked.

In the blink of an eye, she twirled on her heel, tossing her knife forward and watching in satisfaction as one of the guards fell to the ground, blood spewing out of the wound on his neck, and the other guards startled, briefly frozen in place in shock at her abrupt actions.

She rushed forward, leaning down to take her knife out of the man’s throat and quickly jumped to the side, using the momentum of her running to launch herself upwards, wrapping her legs around the other guard’s waist and closing her arms around his neck, beginning to choke the life out of him.

Voros laughed at the display, casually moving back to his throne and, without any real fear towards the threat against him, pressed the panic button at the side, alerting the rest of the troopers in the building to make their way to his room.

The crack of the guard’s neck was loud and Iella jumped off his back, letting him fall to the ground.

Two things happened at once in the blink of an eye.

The door behind Voros burst open and hoards of troopers came pouring into the room, their weapons raised at her in the same moment as the door behind her slammed open and Din and Cara stormed in with a deadly tension surrounding them.

Iella watched in awe as Din began to fight. It was so obvious his valiant protectiveness of her as he fought, as he kept his body in front of hers as he shot soldier after soldier. It took her a few seconds to shake off the intense feelings it caused her before she finally jumped back into the fight.

Together, they worked on taking down the entire troop that threatened them.

They were like a well oiled machine as they ended their enemies. Iella threw knife after knife, keeping one at her side as she swept through the crowd like a shadow, swiping the knife in her hand with a deadly accuracy, knowing exactly where to aim for the weak points in their armour, thanks to Voros and his training.

Din and Cara were deadly as they shot and kicked and punched at every trooper that came their way.

Their vision was blurred in red, in bloodshed, as they fought.

The only thing that mattered was ending this fight. The repercussions didn’t matter. Iella knew more numbers on her body count would hurt, would haunt her, but it was worth it to get them out alive.

It was all she cared about.

She was sweating and breathing heavily as she fought for her life. She couldn’t remember a time she had fought so hard for so much.

Voros, who was sitting in his chair at the front of the room, was biting his lip nervously as he watched the fight ensue. He was beginning to regret training his asset as he did. He never expected his own skills to bite him in the ass the way Iella was.

But he still had one more card to play.

“Kill the Mandalorian.” He ordered the few guards at his side, forcing them to move from his protection.

Iella was fighting valiantly, holding her own, until she heard the unmistakable sound of Din crying out, the sound of his pain cutting her deep.

She slashed the trooper in front of her, not even noticing as he fell to the ground. She watched, wide eyed, as her husband fell to the ground, a group of stormtroopers hovered over him, kicking and punching him, keeping him incapacitated, unable to fight back.

They shot him, the force of the blasts against his armour causing him to jolt and wince in pain with every bone shaking shot.

Iella fought back as best she could, slashing and kicking where she could. She effectively took out the group in front of her, ready to take out the group that threatened her husband, but Voros noticed, soon realizing he was losing this battle.

He got to his feet and raced down the steps, ready to intervene.

Iella was ready to fight tooth and nail to get rid of the group that threatened Din. But she paused, horrified to the point that it stopped her in her tracks, when she noticed Din on his knees, the troopers at his sides beginning to tear his armour off, eager to get rid of what was keeping them from killing him.

Her throat closed painfully tight, realizing this was the unbelievable worst case scenario. She knew she needed to do whatever it took to keep the inevitable from happening.

She raced forward, ready to take out the ones that threatened her husband’s life, his entire being, when a harsh grip on her hair stopped her, pulling her back.

She yelped, the force of their grip causing her to lose her footing.

“No, no, darling. I’m not letting you get away that easily.” Voros crooned in her ear, his grip on her tightening, making her expression twist with anger.

She grit her teeth, forcing herself to get to her feet, which wasn’t easy with the deathly tight grip he kept on her.

“You’re Mandalorian will die painfully and there’s nothing you can do-”

Voros’ words cut off with a grunt of pain as Iella slammed her head backwards, hitting his nose. He cursed loudly, holding onto his throbbing wound as it began to gush with blood.

Iella soon made her biggest mistake.

Her attention was solely on Din, on the man she had come to love, the man she soon realized had become her biggest distraction.

Din was trying his best to fight off the troopers that dared to take off his armour, that dared to tear him away from his wife. He raised his head, his eyes meeting hers, and his entire world crumbled.

Voros held her tightly, keeping her against him and took the knife from the belt at his side. In the blink of an eye, he held it above his head, his jaw clenched with effort, and he brought the weapon down with precision.

Iella’s mouth dropped open, a stifled, choked sound of pain escaping her throat.

She looked down in shock, her eyes widening at the sight of the knife embedded in her stomach.

Voros laughed behind her, a delighted sound that enraged her.

“I told you I would win.” He whispered in her ear.

Across the room, Din watched, as if in slow motion, as Iella looked to him, a helpless expression on her face, before she fell to the floor, her muscles giving out as she felt her power drain from her quickly.

His chest heaved, pure, unadulterated fury coursing through him so blindingly, he didn’t even truly understand what was happening.

He punched blindly, quickly taking out the troopers at his side, knocking them out instantly. But he didn’t notice. The only thing he saw, the only thing he noticed, was her.

His Iella.

His wife lay on the floor, blood pouring out of her. His worst nightmare had become a reality.

He could feel himself slipping. His hands began to shake, a pathetic, whimpering sound escaping his mouth at the sight of her as he leaned on the floor, using the only strength he had left to keep him propped upwards.

“El.” He croaked, his throat constricting as he watched her gasp for air, her face twisted in pain.

The knife sticking out of her stomach was like a glowing, neon sign. It called all of his attention. It was the only thing he could see.

It was horrifying.

Voros chuckled darkly, stepping over Iella’s gasping and tortured form, his eyes focused on the Mandalorian that was trembling with rage.

“Oh, this is a tragedy, isn’t it?” He taunted. “Watching the love of your life suffer, watching the life drain from her…”

Din grit his teeth, tears steadily falling down his cheeks as he watched her writhe in pain.

“If only you’d left well enough alone. If only her damaged self thought you were good enough for her.”

The sight of Iella, stabbed and in pain, and the harshness of his words, was the last straw. Din let out a mighty roar of anger and got to his feet, swinging his fist out, catching Voros in the jaw.

Voros fought back, pulling the staff off his back and striking the Mandalorian wherever he could, looking for any weakness he could find. Though he knew the biggest weakness he had was laying on the floor bleeding out. He’d already played his biggest card.

And it made the Mandalorian sloppy.

His punches didn’t hit their target due to the tears that blurred his vision. He didn’t move with his usual agility due to the trembling of his limbs.

From the ground, Iella watched through the black spots that danced across her eyes. She whimpered softly, her eyes squeezing shut as pain radiated through her so excruciatingly. But she needed to see, she needed to make sure Din won.

Cara was across the room, still holding her own against the few troopers that remained.

That left just Voros and Din, the two of them one on one, fighting to the death.

Iella winced, her eyes widening as she watched Voros unleash his psychoticism on Din, who could barely fight back with the accuracy he usually possessed.

Din was exhausted, physically and mentally, and it wasn’t long before Voros got the best of him, launching a mighty strike against the space where his helmet ended, the spot where his armour didn’t cover, where he was vulnerable.

Din could barely gasp for breath before another blow was hitting his legs, making him grit out a grunt of pain and lose his balance.

Voros kicked him in the chest, causing him to fall to the ground. The master stood above him menacingly, his face darkened with a twisted satisfaction that made Din’s stomach clench uncomfortably.

“I’ll enjoy killing you. Just as I enjoyed killing her.” He taunted as he kneeled down next to Din. “But there’s something I’m dying to do first.”

Iella watched, her heart racing, her hands shaking over her bloodied stomach. The tears that were slowly falling down her cheeks increased, turning into steady sobs as she watched Voros place his hands on Din’s helmet.

Din struggled, trying to pry his hands off, but Voros elbowed him, making his vision blur, dizziness overwhelming him at the harsh blow.

Voros wound his hands around Din’s neck, beginning to squeeze tightly. His helmet lifted slightly, exposing the bottom inch of his jaw. He gripped onto Voros’ wrists, but he couldn’t tear the man’s grip away.

The choked sound that left him made Iella begin to panic. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know if she could do anything. But she knew she needed to at least try, to protect Din’s creed and his life.

She knew she was a lost cause, but she would be damned if she let Din go down with her. In a way, she always knew this would be the outcome. She always knew a sacrifice would be how this fight ended.

And, in some twisted way, she was ok with that.

Gingerly reaching down to the hilt of the knife that stuck out of her stomach, her fingers wrapped around it gently. Her eyes shifted to Voros, making sure he wasn’t looking and making sure he still didn’t have the helmet off.

She began to pull the knife, the white hot pain she felt burning even hotter and more unbearable than before.

Slapping a hand over her mouth to stifle the scream of pain she wanted to let out, she continued to pull the knife out. Her body convulsed, her vision swirling as she felt the worst pain she ever had in her entire existence.

As soon as the knife was free, she fought the urge to pass out, using the only and quickly fading ounce of strength she had left to move herself forward.

She let out a loud cry of pain as she moved and slashed blindly.

Voros yelled in pain, anger flashing in his eyes as he stared down at the knife in his shin. Seeing the only opportunity he had and using Voros’ sudden shock to his advantage, Din quickly ripped the knife out of his shin and plunged it into his chest.

Barely conscious, Iella eyed her old master, a small smile forming on her face, full of relief, as she watched Voros stare at the both of them in shock, his eyes wide with the terrifying realization that he had lost.

For so long, Iella had dreamed of seeing that look on his face, of seeing him scared, of seeing the life drain from him.

Despite the pain she felt, she couldn’t ignore the weight that seemed to lift off her, allowing her to feel like she could finally breathe, as she watched her old master fall to the floor, blood pouring out of his mouth.

Din’s chest was heaving, eyeing the man who he held such pure hatred for as he finally succumbed to what he deserved.

As Voros took his last breath, Iella felt her body collapse. She laid her head on the floor, her chest heaving with pained, whimpering pants of pain. Her eyes fell closed with a heaviness that made it difficult to keep them open.

It became harder to keep herself tethered to consciousness with each passing second.

Hands gently cradling her cheeks made her flinch and her eyes drearily opened slowly. She saw Din above her, his hands shaking so hard they could barely keep their grip on her.

“-ease! Keep...eyes open... -ust look at me.” His frantic voice filtered in and out like crashing waves.

He sobbed as he watched her blink slowly, her skin a sickly pale colour he had never seen before. He couldn’t think straight. The only thing in his mind was no, no, no, no, no, the word screaming at him like a siren.

His hand slowly moved down towards her stomach, hovering over the bleeding wound. He let out a shaking, gasping breath when he saw how much blood there was, how much was still pouring out of her.

Acting quickly, he tore the cape off his shoulders and, as gently as he possibly could, wrapped it around her stomach. He winced, whispering apologies at her moan of pain as he lifted her slightly to move the fabric beneath her.

He tied the cape tightly, making sure it was enough pressure to press against her wound to stunt the bleeding. He knew it was tight enough when Iella cried out, her hands frantically grasping his, desperate to get the agonizing pressure off her.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He spoke through his sobs. “You’re gonna be ok. Just stay with me. Keep those eyes open for me, ok?” He pleaded to her and she nodded slowly, trying her best not to close her eyes that demanded sleep.

“We should go, get back to the ship.” Cara spoke up from across the room. She had watched Iella get stabbed with horror. When she was done fighting off the remaining troopers in the room, she moved out to the hallway, making sure there were no more coming their way.

When she was certain they were in the clear and she stepped back inside the room, she was shocked to see the master dead and the blood around Iella pooling even faster.

She could practically feel the waves of despair coming from the Mandalorian and it made her sick to her stomach.

Din didn’t budge or even acknowledge her presence when she spoke.

She stepped closer and kneeled down next to them, sparing a pained look at Iella and she quickly brushed her hand over the woman’s hair, allowing herself the briefest of caring moments to share with her.

“Din,” Cara said softly, making him flinch. It was the first time she’d ever used his name. “We have to go now if we have any chance of getting her help.”

Her words took a lagged second to register in his grief stricken brain, but he eventually nodded stiffly in understanding.

Any chance of getting her help

Those words struck an even deeper fear into him. The possibility that they wouldn’t get help in time, or that there was nothing anyone could do to help her… it was too much to fathom. His heart stuttered within his chest and he let out a ragged breath.

“Ok… ok.” He whispered, his mind working to psyche himself up for what was to come. He needed to be strong for her.

He leaned towards Iella who looked back at him worriedly. She knew what happened next would be excruciating.

“I’m so sorry.” He told her genuinely before carefully taking her limp body in his arms, which immediately stiffened as pain coursed through her at the slight movement.

Din’s eyes squeezed shut, his expression twisted in agony at the sound of his wife’s scream of pain as he lifted her in his arms. He whispered a plethora of apologies, his heart feeling heavy as he heard her pain.

It was as if a knife had been embedded in his own stomach. Just hearing it was enough to hurt him.

“It hurts.” She sobbed, her face twisted with a pain he had never seen her experience before. A pain he wished he had never seen her experience.

Fresh tears fell down his face as he heard the vulnerability in her voice. It absolutely broke him.

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry. You’re gonna be ok, but we have to hurry. You have to hold on just a little bit longer.”

Iella nodded, Din’s soft cadence stirring something inside her, despite the trauma she was experiencing.

“I’ve cleared the building but I don’t know what’s waiting for us outside. We gotta be careful.” Cara told him, expertly avoiding Iella’s gaze.

It was bad enough to look at the Mandalorian. Even with the helmet that covered his face, she could tell how devastated he was. And seeing her dear friend in pain was just about too much for her.

Din didn’t respond, his gaze was locked onto the woman in his arms that was almost unconscious from the agonizing pain she was experiencing.

“Let’s go.” Cara ordered and began to make her way out the room, only hoping that Din would be cognizant enough to follow her. She winced, the sound of Iella’s whimper of pain was the only indication she had that they were following, and it made her stomach twist uncomfortably.

“It’ll be a couple hours before we reach Nevarro. Is there a closer port where she can get help?” Cara asked as they walked rapidly through the empty corridors of the base that was now a ghost town.

Cara turned her head when she received no answer and she saw that his helmet was tilted downwards to look at Iella.

“Mando?” She prompted and his helmet raised abruptly.

“Uhh, I don’t… I’m not sure.” He answered staggeredly.

The pain she heard in his voice kept her from asking any more questions.

They moved stealthily as they made their way outside. Cara peeked around the corner, making sure there were no stragglers. Once she saw the coast was clear, she motioned them forward.

Din moved as carefully as their rapid pace allowed. He let Cara take the lead, not even flinching as she shot the occasional passerby that threatened them.

He barely even noticed.

The only thing on his mind was her.

He glanced down at her every few seconds, making sure she was still breathing, making sure her eyes were still open, causing him to nudge her gently and coax her awake when he noticed they weren’t.

It seemed like hours before they saw the stolen cargo ship on the horizon.

Cara ramped up her pace, wanting to get the engine started and ready to run by the time Din and Iella were on board. She knew time was crucial now, that they couldn’t waste even a second.

“How are you doing?” Din asked as he slowed his pace to carefully ascend the ramp of the stolen ship. He tried to keep the worry out of his tone, but it was a failed effort.

“‘M tired.” Iella mumbled softly.

Din’s stomach dropped at her words and the lazy and dull tone of her voice as she spoke them.

He was losing her and he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

He carefully lowered her to the floor, immediately pressing his hands against the tied cape around her wound, breathing out another apology as she whined in pain.

“Stop apologizing.” Iella breathed out.

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“He would’ve killed you.”

“Look at what he did to you!” Din yelled frantically. He didn’t even register the low hum of the ship starting. He only held onto Iella tighter, keeping her steady as the ship lurched side to side as it began to take off.

Iella shook her head, a look of resolution overtaking her, one that chilled Din to his core.

“This was always what was going to happen. Voros was always going to get his revenge.” Iella said softly.

“You… El, c’mon. Don’t talk like-”

“You know what’s going to happen.” She interrupted. She could feel herself slipping away slowly, she could feel her energy draining more and more with each passing second.

“No!” He screamed in despair. “I’m not letting- you can’t… fuck, El, I can’t go through this again. I can’t lose you. I’ve lived without you before and I can’t do it again. I won’t survive.”

“You will, cause it’s not just you anymore. You have to look after the child.”

Din let out a harsh breath. He spared a look back, making sure Cara was still situated in the cockpit before turning back towards his wife. He let go of her, just for a second, and lifted his helmet off his head.

He refused to admit that this was it, that this was the last time he gazed upon his wife. But the cynical part of his brain told him to remove his helmet so he could look on her with his own eyes… just in case.

Iella sighed, a soft smiling coming to her pained face as she looked at him.

She reached out, her hand resting against his scruffed jaw. Din’s breath hitched and his eyes fell closed at the feeling he had learned to never take for granted. Her touch was heavenly.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I didn’t want to hurt you.. but, I always figured this was how it would end. I never wanted you to get involved. I never wanted him to hurt you.”

“I never wanted him to hurt you. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it, I’m sorry I couldn’t-”

“Stop. Don’t you dare put that on yourself.” She told him, as sternly as her weak state would allow. A somber expression overtook her and tears gathered in her eyes. “You have to promise me you won’t lose yourself. Promise me you’ll look after the kid and… promise me you’ll love again.”

Din’s eyes widened, a look of resentment growing and he shook his head.

“Iella, you can’t ask me-”

“Promise me you’ll love again, Din.” Iella repeated. “You deserve it, more than anyone I’ve ever known. You can’t lose it just because I’m gone.”

Din let out a shuddering breath, tears steadily falling from his eyes.

“No, I’m not…” He took a long breath in an effort to compose himself. “Iella, you are the only woman I have ever loved. You are my life, you are my sun, you are everything good in my life. Without you…” He trailed off, unable to come face to face with the inevitable unfolding before him.

Iella’s tears fell freely as she watched her husband crumble.

“There is no one like you. There will never be anyone for me but you.” Din told her earnestly.

“Din, please-”

“No. You’re going to be fine. We’ll patch you up and you’ll be ok.”

“Din, we both know you’re a smart man. You have to stop lying to yourself.” Iella said softly and he shook his head, more tears falling from his eyes as he placed his hand over hers that lay against his cheek.

He couldn’t ignore the inevitable much longer.

“I love you so much.” He sobbed, leaning down to press his forehead against hers.

Iella reached up, her fingers weaving their way through his mess of curly tresses.

“I love you.”

Din’s eyes widened, his stomach flipping pleasantly. He raised his head, his frantic gaze looking down at her in shock.

She smiled lazily, her fingers continuing their trek through his mass of curls. She didn’t know how, but she knew he always loved it. He leaned down, crashing his lips to her desperately. Iella let her eyes fall closed, allowing herself one last moment of bliss.

He pulled away after a few seconds, already missing her lips, wishing he could continue forever.

“Thank you for everything you did for me, for being so patient and understanding.”

“Stop, please.” He pleaded, his face a mask of agony. He couldn’t listen to her say goodbye. He couldn’t accept that he would have to say goodbye to her.

He refused to accept her quickly unravelling fate.

The door of the cockpit hissed open and Din quickly ducked his head out of reflex, hiding his face from whoever had opened the door. He scrambled for his helmet, placing it over his head in a second.

He looked over his shoulder and his shoulders slumped when he saw the child waddling out of the cockpit.

His large ears turned downwards when he saw the state Iella, his mother, was in and he quickly scampered towards her, a crying whine escaping him.

Din suddenly had a realization, his body perking up once again. He looked from the child to Iella and back to the child again.

“El… he can help. He can heal you!” He cried out excitedly.

Iella frowned and looked at the child who was eyeing her with the saddest expression she’d ever seen on his innocent face. It broke her heart, but she knew she couldn’t inflict that on the tiny thing.

“Din, you saw what it did to him on Nevarro. I don’t want to cause him any pain, I can’t make him go through that.”

“He was fine! You have to let him try, he can fix everything, he can-”

“Din, stop!” Iella yelled and winced immediately, gingerly placing her hand over her wound with a stifled whimper. “This is how it’s supposed to be.”

“No, that’s bullshit. I’m not letting you die for this.”

“I’ve already made my peace with it.” She said softly, calmer this time. Her tone made Din feel sick to his stomach. It was as if she had already accepted her death.

“W-what?”

“I’m tortured, Din. I’m not myself and you know it. I can never be the woman you want me to be and it kills me everytime I hurt you with some stupid fact I can’t remember.” She explained softly. “I can’t live with this version of myself and neither can you.”

Din shook his head, refusing to accept what he was hearing.

“You have to let me go-”

“No!” Din yelled angrily, his voice cracking with a sob.

“Din… I’m already gone. I’ve been gone for a long time.”

Her words made him break. He finally cracked, his sobs now flowing freely. He laid himself down next to her, his hand reaching out to cradle her cheek, turning her head to face him so he could lay his forehead against hers in the last keldabe kiss they would ever share.

“I can’t- El, I don’t think I can do this.” He cried helplessly.

“You can. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. I know you can.”

Din cried openly, the harsh reality finally descending on him like a punch to the gut.

“I love you. I’ve always loved you.” Iella told him, only making his tears fall steadier.

“I love you. I love you so much, Cyare.”

His words were barely uttered before a harsh cry of pain fell from her lips. Din flinched and instinctively pulled away, worried that he had done something to hurt her.

When her cries of pain continued, he searched frantically, his eyes finally laying on the child who held his three fingered claw to Iella’s stomach, his eyes closed in concentration as he attempted to heal her deadly wound.

Inside, he was elated. He knew her reservations about the child’s powers, but he couldn’t deny the absolute relief that flowed through him as he watched the child work his magic.

He reached out, grabbing Iella’s hand in his, which she grabbed onto like a lifeline, squeezing until he grimaced in pain.

His heart hurt, seeing her in such agony. It seemed that the child was making it worse.

Iella swallowed thickly, forcing herself to breathe through the pain inflicted from the child’s power. She felt an uncomfortable sensation in her stomach, as if she were pulling that knife out once again. It was a heat that spread over her body, until it reached her head, and then it became agonizing, like her brain was being pulled apart.

“Kid…” Din warned wearily, not understanding what exactly was happening. It wasn’t until a piercing, shrill scream sounded from his wife and he saw Iella’s back arch, her body shivering and writhing away from the child’s touch, that he knew he needed to intervene.

“Hey, Kid, stop, stop! You’re hurting her!” He yelled.

The child only continued, focusing hard on his powers. Din launched himself forward, moving to pull him away, when the child stumbled to the ground, his big eyes slowly blinking until they fell closed. Wide eyed and shocked, Din looked down at Iella who was still panting in pain.

But the colour had returned to her cheeks.

His heart beat rapidly and, before he could get his hopes up, he moved to check her wound, pulling the cape away from her stomach with shaking hands, praying in his mind frantically that it had worked.

He let out a ragged breath, relief overwhelming him when he saw her tanned skin, unmarred.

“El?” He called out quietly.

Iella’s chest was heaving, her face still screwed tightly in pain. Her hands moved to cover her face, her hands trembling slightly. She was worrying him.

He hovered over her, gently taking her hands in his. “Are you ok? What’s happening?” He asked desperately, her reaction confusing him. He thought she’d be relieved to be healed, but she was beginning to scare him.

“I remember.” She choked out, her voice weak and frail sounding, it was barely distinguishable.

But Din heard.

His heart jumped, skipping what he figured was too many beats to be healthy. His hands shook as he leaned over her, brushing the hair out of her eyes, needing to see those eyes of hers to ground himself, to make himself believe that this was real.

“W-what?”

Iella looked at him with reverence, like she was seeing him clearly for the first time.

“I remember everything.”

Welp... hope you enjoyed xx

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#the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin x reader #pedro pascal x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian imagine

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eclecticvalor · 3 years

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7 Things I experience as a DID System. Mental Health Awareness Month.

In light of May being America’s mental health awareness month, I wanted to talk about something that has consumed my entire life for the past year and a half: Treatment and healing from a disorder that is stigmatised into the ground by poor representation and misunderstandings both socially and in the medical field. Those who are close to me know first hand how my symptoms and experiences have shaped the way I interact with the world since starting treatment, but aside from my closest friends and family, and the people I live with, I don’t normally talk about the fact that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and what that means to me.

Hi. My name is Atlas, some people call me Cadyn, and I am the primary host of 26 fragmented parts of my consciousness. I am not dangerous, none of my parts or alters are dangerous, and no, it is not like “Split”.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is a trauma based dissociative disorder listed in both the DSM IV and V, and is recognized as an uncommon disorder characterized by two or more distinct personality states existing within the same consciousness. These personality states come to be when natural childhood development is disrupted by severe, continued, or repetitive, trauma, the child has a natural inclination towards heavy dissociation, and a lack of adult or parental support to develop the means to cope with the things happening to them.

Unfortunately popular mental health media has seen an uptake in people viewing DID as a quirky “trait”, the ability to have functional imaginary friends living in your head... but in reality DID is a lot darker, a lot scarier, and isn’t something I’d wish upon my worst enemy. Because of this media spike I wanted to share 7 things that living with Dissociative identity disorder means to me

1. Amnesia

Living with DID means that I miss out on a lot of my life. A primary symptom of DID is amnesia. I have no solid memories before the age of 13, and the memories I do have are often skewed, incorrect, or completely false as my brain fought for a way to fill in gaps and cope with the loss of memory. I forget a lot, and not just things like forgetting where I left my wallet and keys, or forgetting the day - those do happen, but I also mean forgetting big things, important life experiences and things I wish with all my being that I could remember like my highschool graduation and my wedding reception.

I often forget important day to day things that make it difficult to maintain life as an adult, like doctors appointments, work schedules, meetings, and important daily tasks. I’ll forget that I’ve eaten at all that day and risk going days without eating, or overeating due to having no recollection of the last time I’d eaten. I forget birthdays (especially my own), anniversaries, and important holidays.

To an outsider, who has no idea what’s happening inside my head, this can come across as though I’m thoughtless or unreliable. That I am cold for forgetting an important date, or simply that I just don’t care when this very much is not the case.

2. Alienation

Oftentimes DID comes with a sense of alienation from people who you’re supposed to know. For me a really clear example of this is when I previously mentioned my childhood memories being skewed - I have a clear memory of a conversation I was having with some blood relatives a few years back in which I mentioned that one family member I had happy childhood memories of, and remembered playing together as kids, but with another family member they were practically a stranger to me. I had, and still have, no memories of ever spending time with them growing up, no memories of having any kind of relationship with them at all. My understanding of our relationship was that it was “forced” because we were family and our parents expected us to exist in the same space as we grew up, but that we never talked. But I was informed by a separate member of the family that I was very wrong, and this “stranger” was actually someone I had been close to growing up. This is a common experience with DID patients, and also a very frustrating one. It creates feelings of “You know me but I don’t know you”, and it’s extremely difficult to trust your own judgement of the people you know, because you often can’t tell if your judgement is skewed by your memories or lack thereof.

3. PTSD and Flashbacks

A diagnosis of C-PTSD (Or complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is required for a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder. This means that while the individual symptoms of DID can be frustrating, scary and sometimes depressing, the most difficult aspect of DID, and the most important to focus on in treatment is the PTSD symptoms.

PTSD symptoms in DID can be extremely powerful due to the additional dissociative aspect. This can mean that for a lot of DID patients, flashbacks can produce full blown body sensations, hallucinations and terrifying delusions. This is One thing that I find incredibly difficult to talk about, but I also believe is extremely important to understand. It can be embarrassing, shameful and while I only speak for myself in saying this, can cause a lot of guilt and grief. There have been times where I have been experiencing powerful flashbacks and did not recognize my own husband, resulting in lash outs and fear towards him being delusioned into thinking that he was out to hurt me, or had harmful intent for just existing in the same space as I was.

For me, a single wiff of a familiar smell, hearing a sound, a certain color, an idea, a name, a passing thought or comment can throw my previously stable mental state into one of pure panic, hyperventilation, hallucination, delusion, fight-flight-freeze and reactionary responses. Through treatment I’ve developed adaptive and healthy coping skills and management responses but trauma responses can be so quick, and so unexpected that I don’t always have time to process my coping skills before my body and mind respond in negative ways.

4. Decision making and skewed Behavior

Because living with DID, means living with a shared or fragmented consciousness, this often means that while I may not remember, my life is still being lived during my time of memory loss. Alters or parts will take control and operate my body, reacting to things, interacting with people, completing tasks and functioning. But oftentimes parts who take control are very different from myself, and make choices and decisions that I wouldn’t normally make, and sometimes decisions I wouldn’t *ever* make. An example of this is the fact that technically I am a conservative voter, despite myself as an individual having leftist or NDP views, or decisions to leave or apply for jobs and work positions that I have no interest in, or that I don’t even have the qualifications or physique to do, or leaving ones that I personally loved and excelled at. This also reflects a lot in everyday life in more subtle things, decisions like what food to eat, things to buy, activities to do shift between parts while they’re in control.

To outsiders this can look a lot like impulsivity, lack of self-control, or lack of a sense of identity. This is a huge reason why a lot of DID patients are often misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder because the behaviour between alters can be so drastically different that it can look a *lot* like manic or depressive states.

5. Denial and Dismissing Trauma

A very common experience among DID patients is denial and being dismissive or disregarding the things that happened to them. I often find myself in a state of questioning whether my symptoms, my disorder, and even my trauma were ever real to begin with. In therapy I find myself saying “It’s not that big of a deal” or “It wasn’t that big of a deal” more times than I’m actually saying anything productive. A huge part of this is why I wanted to make this list, because the media, and a lot of medical circles deny that DID exists or believe it’s impossibly rare and those, while both false, can cause intense feelings of “Maybe I’m just doing this for attention”. DID is a very real, very difficult disorder to diagnose, to treat, and to live with disorder, and while it is uncommon, statistics show that approximately 1-2% of western population is diagnosed, and up to a suspected 7% are living with the disorder undiagnosed because of these misconceptions. It is not common, and it’s not something that everyone is going to have, but it is a very possible response to very real trauma and is a valid diagnosis to give to those meeting the criteria.

6. Hidden Symptoms

DID is often referred to as a “covert” presenting disorder. What this means is that most commonly outsiders, friends, family, employers and even the patient themselves can have a nearly impossible time recognizing the symptoms, and it often goes unnoticed until an event destabilizes the function of the person’s life. This can lead to a lot of backlash or denial coming from peers and family close to the person. This leads to the patient hearing a lot of: “I’ve never noticed personality changes”, “You don’t act like you have it”, “You couldn’t possibly have that”, “No, I would have noticed”, “You have to be mistaken”, “There’s no way, it would have been obvious”. And so, so much more. The reality of DID is that it’s *not* noticeable. It’s a safety response that the brain created to protect the psyche from the intense damages that come with long term trauma experiences, so it’s often designed to hide itself from abusers or perceived threats as a way to compartmentalize trauma memories and maintain the ability to survive through stress and unstable situations. Not being able to “notice” is kind of the point in most cases.

7. Wandering and Dissociative Episodes

Living with untreated or unmanaged DID can potentially be dangerous due to episodes of dissociation, “wandering” experiences (where the patient will wander away from home, family, or life in a confusion, attempt to return to a perceived life never lived, or in a state of belief that their current life is unsafe). For me this took a head last year, and was actually an event that led to the solidification that this disorder was the explanation to my experiences. According to nurses and my husband, I had wandered into the emergency room of a hospital in the middle of the night, with no idea who or where I was, with no idea how to return home, or even where home was. I was wearing a t-shirt, and it had been raining, and my body was so cold they needed to retake my vitals nearly 6 times because they were unable to get an appropriate reading. After discovering my identity, my husband was called to take me home. Working with a therapist helped to develop a safety plan during events like this to prevent harm from coming to my body, or from ending up in newly traumatic environments, but I was lucky. These situations can lead to re-traumatization, victimization, it can lead to kidnapping, assault, it can lead to being injured or harmed by environmental factors and so much more and it is so incredibly important that DID patients work with their therapist to develop solid safety plans proactively to make sure that the patient doesn’t experience any worst case scenarios during episodes like this.

Conclusion

My experiences are individual to me, and to my psyche. Not everyone will experience the disorder the same way, because not everyone experiences or responds to trauma the same way. I am so lucky, and extremely privileged to be able to access consistent care and treatment, that I found a professional who trusts me, and is focused on stabilizing and supporting. Too many people living with this disorder have no access to supportive mental health care because of the misconceptions that parts of the medical field hold regarding the legitimacy or frequency that the disorder develops, and too many peers and circles of people outcast or disregard the very real, very difficult experiences because they don’t understand the disorder, or believe it doesn’t exist, or believe it looks like split. If you, or someone you know is struggling with Dissociative symptoms, or dissociative identity disorder do not be afraid to reach out to a professional for support, and educate yourself on the reality of the disorder.

#dissociative identity disorder #DID System #dissociation #mental health awareness #mental illness #mentalhealthawareness #mental health #actuallydissociative #dissociative amnesia #education #psychotherapy #experience #actuallytraumatized #trauma #actuallydid #did/osdd

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screensirenfic · 3 years

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Prelude - A Curse On Your Name

“Goddamit Izumi; if I’m getting so goddamn old, then why don’t you damn well leave then!”

The voice of an enraged Jujutsu Sorcerer pierced through the thin fusuma walls; the flimsy nature of the paper doing nothing to muffle his anger, nor his wife’s tears as they fought like cats and dogs in the silent halls of their small condo on the grounds of Tokyo Jujutsu High.

“Maybe I will! It’s better than waiting here worried half sick because one day you might not come back home!”

Izumi countered her husband’s rage with equal scorn and disdain, not afraid to call his bluffs and meet his threats head-on; the stubborn nature that he’d once fallen in love with now being used as a weapon against him.

“I’m a Sorcerer; Izumi! What the hell did you expect-?!”

His voice raised tenfold both in spite and volume; the sound of ceramic shattering cutting through the air like a gunshot as he took out his anger on one of the many knickknacks he’d brought home from his business trips.

“I expected you to give a damn; Masami! If not for me, then for your daughter!”

She retorted, not frightened in the slightest by his sudden outburst, long numbed to the man’s rage after 5 years of marriage.

“I do give a damn-!”

He replied, not willing to let the woman write off all the time and hard work he’d put in to provide for his family; to protect them.

“Then prove it; Masamichi!”

She spat, having heard enough of his excuses by now; their arguments revisiting the same ground over and over and getting nowhere.

“Prove it; or next time, don’t bother coming home.”

Her voice lowered; her tears smothering the flames of her anger, before the house shook on the sound of a door slam, the thunder of Masamichi’s footsteps following close behind as he hounded her through the thick wood of the bathroom door.

“Maybe I won’t, Izumi! Would that make you happy?! Huh?! Would it-?!”

He retaliated, yelling through door as he pounded on the wood, entirely unaware that they were no longer alone; a small figure having emerged from the closest bedroom, the dim light of the hallway illuminating the diminutive form of their 4 year old daughter in the doorway.

“Daddy..?”

She called out; one small chubby hand still clinging to the wooden frame of the sliding door, the other wrapped around the foot of a stuffed panda toy she refused to sleep without.

“Why is Mommy crying..?”

She asked; her voice sweet and soft as she stared up at him with eyes wide enough to swallow him whole, the love and concern held within unmatchable even for adults ten times her senior.

He hadn’t meant to wake her; the intensity of their arguments growing more and more out of control as of late.

He knew Izumi was never going to approve of his field work, but did she really have to drag the kid into this?!

“Daddy; is Mommy mad..?”

His only child continued to ask; all traces of any anger he had left melting further away the longer she spoke, the precious little thing completely unaware of the hold she had over his heart.

“No… She’s just tired…”

He lied not for the first time, crouching down to her height so he could take off his sunglasses and look her in the eye; her own deep green irises a mirror image of her mother’s, minus that simmering sense of resentment that seemed to grow in Izumi’s over the past couple of years.

“Will she be okay..?”

The girl asked; a frown pulling down on her chubby cheeks as she rubbed at her eyes; the sleep still not quite dislodged from her hazy mind.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine once she’s got some rest.”

He reassured her, ruffling her dark hair with one large calloused hand, determined for the one thing that brought him joy in life not to be sullied by the bitterness and isolation that Jujutsu Sorcery had seemed to have left a shadow upon.

“Why don’t we get you back into bed yourself so you can get some rest too; hmn?”

He asked, already back on his feet and reaching out to take her tiny hand in his own, leading her back into her room with minimal fuss and fanfare.

“But… I’m not tired…”

She muttered; the presence of a yawn betraying any illusions of her apparent alertness as he led her over to her raised futon; the mattress near hidden beneath an endless mountain of soft toys piled high above.

“Mhmmm…”

He hummed, unconvinced by his child’s protest as he scooped her up into bed; the girl not putting up much of a fight as she settled against the mattress, her eyes already struggling to stay open against the welcoming embrace of sleep.

“Somehow; I find that hard to believe…”

He replied, pulling up her bedcovers to tuck her in; the girl looking practically smothered beneath the ridiculous amount of stuffed toys surrounding her.

“But what about Mom..?”

She asked groggily; her mind still not put at ease despite his best efforts, those big green eyes still drilling into his own with a questing sense of urgency.

“Your mom will be fine…”

He insisted, leaning in to push the avalanche of toys out the way so he could plant a kiss on top of her head; fingers lingering as he stroked her glossy black hair once more.

“Now, please get some sleep…”

He asked of her, knowing better than just to demand it as he got back up off his aching knees; his joints not quite what they used to be anymore.

Izumi had been right about one thing right.

He was getting old; his body failing him before his spirit did as the years of fierce combat and Jujutsu overuse already began to catch up with him despite only being in his thirties.

He couldn’t guarantee that one day he might not come home to them.

Whether through Curses or some other Curse User, Masamitchi’s luck would eventually run out and prove his wife right after all.

“Daddy…”

That small voice called out to him once more, stopping him in his tracks.

“Yes, baby..?”

He replied, pausing at her door to listen, expecting another half-hearted attempt to stay up longer, or the usual request of a glass of water.

“I love you.”

She said; the sincerity in her high pitched voice breaking his heart in two entirely; that small girl more dangerous to him than any Cursed Technique.

“I love you too…”

He replied, squeezing the door frame beneath his fingers in a grip hard enough to dent the wood, pulling on his glasses once more to hide the tears on his eyes.

“Mika-chan…”

He muttered her name; finally managing to step out of the girl’s room without a second look back, entirely unaware of how many times he’d regret that in the years to come.

————————————————————

21 years later

“Yaga-Sensei; I thank you for accompanying me for this mission, but I’m pretty sure I’d be capable of securing the Cursed Object myself-“

Objected the young Fushiguro boy; one long slender hand lifting to sweep the bangs off his forehead, his graceful confidence reminding her far too much of an old friend long since passed.

Yet despite his pride and his skill, Megumi was still a child and her responsibility; she wouldn’t be reckless enough to let him do this alone.

“The fingers of Sukano are no simple artefact Megumi-kun, and I am still your teacher…”

She told him, secretly proud of how far the Zenin heir had come all these years, though she still had her reservations on letting him take on missions without backup.

He was still a Grade 2, and no matter what Saturo-chan believed; the kid wasn’t ready to shoulder the responsibilities that came with being a full Jujutsu Sorcerer.

“But Yaga-Sensei; Sensei Gojo already said I’m capable enough for a Grade 1 exorcism-“

The boy complained; and once more she found herself cursing the name Saturo Gojo, the ambition of the man nearly deadly when it rubbed off on their young susceptible students.

“Well; Gojo-Sensei is not here, and whilst you’re under my watch, you’ll be following my orders…”

She said; not leaving him any room to argue this time as they stomped through the marshy grounds of Susuwa High; the night’s rain having sunk into the turf and turned the grass spongy beneath their feet.

“Yes; Yaga-Sensai…”

The boy sighed as he traipsed ahead in a sullen silence, resigning himself to the role of reluctant student despite his grand designs of being something bigger.

“And Megumi…”

She called out to the boy, deciding to drop the honourifics considering their shared history went long past teacher and student.

“Call me Mikasama…”

She told the boy, granting him permission to use her first name, at least away from classes.

“Sensei Yaga is my father.”

She added, managing to quirk a little smile at the corner of the kid’s mouth, Megumi-kun not quite as serious as he tried to portray to the outside world.

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ariesrondeletia · 4 years

Note

Which yandere haikyuu characters do you think would end up kidnapping their s/o?

Art credit: ながる

Thank you so much for this request! I haven’t made a list before and this was so much fun to do. Because of that I got kind of carried away tho… If you want me to write another school team let me know, I’m more than happy to rant about these haicuties. Sorry, that’s cheesy but I love them.

I think almost every yandere has the potential to kidnap their darling if they’re pushed far enough. There’s a lot of reasons to kidnap a darling ranging from wanting to protect the darling to a desire to keep the darling all to themselves. That said, some yanderes are more likely to kidnap their darling than others. For this list, I’ll just go through Karasuno and rank them from least to most likely.

Yachi wouldn’t dream of locking her darling up. She’s undeserving of even the slightest glance. She could never bring herself to do anything that could potentially harm her darling. Plus, she doesn’t have a clue about how to kidnap her darling. The furthest she’ll go is sneaking into your room to watch you sleep and maybe grab that old t-shirt in the back of your closet. You can always feel her presence just over your shoulder but she’s good at hiding herself away before she could get caught. Honestly, it’ll take ages for her to gather the courage just to speak to you. And when she does, she can only stumble through a compliment. She’s so adorable that you’ll forgive her stranger habits, even though she leans in to smell your hair from time to time. She won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to and it’s because of that very kindness chances are you’ll become such a cute couple. With her doing her best to make you happy, you find yourself making more and more time for her. Just pray that you never stumble upon her twisted shrine. All in all a 1/10.

Asahi worships his darling and would never risk anything that could potentially make his darling hate him. He desperately wants to ensure the safety of his darling, but the thought of them being angry is too much to bear. He’s far more likely to try to persuade his darling to stay with him. It’ll start with him just suggesting the two of you becoming roommates to cut down on costs. From there he’ll push himself into your life, staying on the sidelines, but always nearby should you through any scrap of attention his way. He’s so needy and clingy, but he’s such a sweet guy. He’ll make you paranoid by subtlely pushing his anxieties off on you until you become just as afraid of the outside world as he is. It takes some convincing, but he’ll do everything he can to make you work from home. You’ll spend most of your time indoors. He’ll beg you to stay here any time you mention the outside world. But if you push wanting to go outside, he won’t stop you. He’ll trail you like a helpless puppy, but he won’t ever stop you from doing something you want to do. He also gets a 1/10.

For the most part, Yamaguchi is in the same vein as Asahi. The main difference is that Yamaguchi’s fears lie less with the outside world and more with you leaving him. He’s not used to being completely independent, it’s something he’s only beginning to learn throughout being on the team. He’s very dependent on you. Whenever you’re around he wants you to make every choice for him. He’ll ask about which shirt looks better on him, what kind of meals he should make, what kind of flowers he should plant, whether or not he should change his hair. He wants you to praise him at every turn. And he’s willing to go to any length to become your ideal man. Because he’s so dependent on you he’ll beg you to stay by his side. He simply can’t live without you and it’s so hard to say no to him. He’s a lot pushier than you’d expect. He’ll cling to you and cry if you try to leave. You can push him away and go despite his protests, but it won’t stop him from stalking you. I’d put him at a 2/10.

Suga seems like such a sweetheart, but he’ll do almost anything to keep his darling safe and happy. He’s already incredibly clever and when you combine that with his intense love for you it results in a very manipulative yandere. He’s not cruel about it, he merely wants to convince you that the two of you are perfect for one another. He adores you and that comes through with every gift he gives, every smile he sends your way, and with every compliment that is just so genuine, it makes your heart soar. What you don’t know is that he’s spent hours watching you in order to ensure that he can give you the perfect gift and know the exact compliment to quell your anxieties. It’s painstaking work but it’s worth it if it means you’ll stay with him. When he asks you out you won’t hesitate. Your relationship is the best you’ve ever had, at least from the perspective you have. Suga’s good at keeping all of his less desirable tendencies out of sight. But now that he knows every need, every insecurity, every desire, and every thought that goes through your head, he’ll have no trouble finding the right words to keep you away from the world. He’s so subtle about it you’ll forget why you even wanted to go outside. There’s nothing for you there, he’s all you need. He gets a 4/10.

Kiyoko believes that she knows what’s best for her darling. She’s spent most of her highschool life subtly mentoring a team of volleyball players. At this point, she’s so used to people looking up to her that she’s shocked to find someone more perfect than she is. Even if no one else can tell, she knows what a catch you are. She’s so sweet as she babies you. She’ll act like an older sister type, always watching over you. She’s there to help you with your homework, so kindly fixing your mistakes. You can come to her for advice anytime you need. It won’t be long before she gets more and more controlling. She’ll pick out your clothes for you and she’ll cook healthy meals for you. It feels like she’s just a loving girlfriend taking care of you, but in reality, she’s making you dependent on her. Soon you’ll be coming to her for every little problem you have, not realizing how helpless you are without her. If you try to leave, you’ll find life to be significantly harder without her. As soon as you face any challenge Kiyoko will appear by your side, showing you how much easier life could be if you’d just let her love you. Matching Suga, she gets a 4/10.

Right in the middle, we have Ennoshita. He’s used to being left in the background to make room for other, more passionate players, which makes it very easy to fly under your radar. He’s always around you, hovering on the outskirts of your gaze until he can build up your trust in him. You’ll get used to him being by your side for a while. And then things will start to get uncomfortable. He’ll hang around you much longer than he should, coming over to your house to study, only to stay despite the fact that the two of you are done studying. He’ll go through your stuff in a casual way, as though everything is totally normal. The comments he makes about your room and the things you own are… off-putting. It’s like he already knows everything about you. He brushes it off as he just knows you well but there’s this one-sided intimacy. He doesn’t do anything, not really. And yet, you feel trapped. He won’t physically kidnap you. He doesn’t say anything cruel. It’s just the atmosphere, though there’s no evidence to suggest otherwise, you know you can’t escape. Dead center, 5/10.

Tanaka is a unique blend of a worshipper and a possessive. He reveres you as a god. He expects you to hate him, most women do, but that won’t phase him in the slightest. He can take your hatred, he’ll relish in anything you give him. He’ll let you curse out his name or kick him to the ground if it’ll bring a cruel smile to your face. But that doesn’t mean he’ll let you do whatever you please. He doesn’t want anyone else to dirty his precious darling, so he’ll keep you separated from anyone that isn’t him. He knows how disgusting people can be and he views it as his life’s mission to protect you from them. Everyone is a potential threat. And you’re just too kind, too forgiving, he has to step up. He can keep you away from those perverts while still basking in your presence. Of course, if you want to it’s easy to escape. Tanaka will inevitably make more than a few mistakes. The only thing is, he’ll work terrifyingly hard to find you. What he lacks in intelligence he makes up with pure determination. When he finds you he’ll take you back to your shared home, carrying you so gently despite how much you thrash and fight and struggle. He’ll apologize as soon as the two of you are home together. Was he not good enough? He’ll be better, spending every free second by your side. He leans to a 6/10.

Noya is insane. There’s really no other way to put it. The most perverse out of all of them, he’s practically drooling at the chance to be by your side. He has such little relationship experience it takes 0.5 seconds for him to be head over heels. He’s also the clingiest one on this list, if you stray from his side for an instant he’s immediately panicking and calling the cops. He’s basically a needy puppy, glued to your hip and begging for attention. He’ll do anything to please you, he’ll learn to cook, show off his volleyball skills, listen to every word you say. He’ll conform himself to being your perfect husband. If you praise him, do it sparingly. If he receives praise too often he’ll become more deluded and push past your limits more and more. You didn’t want him to lock you up? But he’s been such a good boyfriend, you’ll let it slide, won’t you? You said he was a perfect match for you and you can’t go back on your word. Going to the opposite side and being cold makes him more desperate for praise. To finally get you to notice him becomes a goal and he will achieve it, even if he has to chain you to the bed. He gets so jealous it won’t take long for him to be the only person you’ll ever see. 7/10.

Daichi just wants you to be safe. This world can be so cruel and he can’t bear the thought of you getting your heart broken. You’re too sweet to be working so hard, just let him take care of you. All you have to do is sit at home patiently. Don’t talk to your friends, they might seem nice but Dachi knows that they’re all wicked. Trying to lay their hands on you and abuse a gentle soul like yours. He can’t let that happen. He’s the only one you need. The only one you can trust. Everyone else would use you as a stepping stone, but not him. He loves you. You just have to obey and your life is set. The two of you will be married after high school finishes. He’ll go on to college and you’ll be a house spouse. Once he gets a job, you’ll be dependent on him for a steady income, it seems every company you apply to turns you down. Complaints you have about your monetary vulnerability seems to upset your loving boyfriend. Why would you need a job? You have him. Every little thing you don’t like gets shot down by him. No friends, no family, no jobs, no freedom. He’s just trying to protect you, why would you ever want to leave? He sits at an 8/10.

Tsukishima loves the power he has over you. He’s smarter, stronger, more attractive and he’ll spend every second rubbing it in your face. He’ll taunt you, but if you show a negative reaction to his words it’ll make him awkward. If you cry or yell, he’ll be stunned for a second. He feels like it’s right for him to jeer at you, but if you do the same, his love for you will result in him crumbling. He puts on a facade of cruelty because he hates feeling powerless and his love for you is power too strong to be acknowledged. Yell at him, scream, cry, and he’ll snap like a twig. When he’s upset, he’ll isolate you, trying to separate himself from the fact he really does care, but can’t ever show it. He wants control. To feel like he isn’t addicted to the feel of your skin, the taste of your lips, the reflection of himself in your eyes. He’ll kidnap you and is smart enough to get away with it. He’s not kind to you, chains are forever around your ankles and his room becomes your hell. But there are moments of softness, though rare, where he’ll give you a gift or compliment you like he’s trying to gain your affection. Make a comment about it and he’ll have no qualms about abandoning you for a few days. Be unfailingly kind and act as he wants, and maybe he’ll be gentle, but he will never ever let you go. I place him at a 9/10.

If you’re looking for someone completely delusional, Hinata is the one for you. He’ll believe that the two of you are made for each other and no amount of protesting can ever change his mind. He’s basically a lost cause as soon as he meets you. You’ll engulf his every thought, the same fixation he had on volleyball now focused on you. You’ll have almost no free time once the two of you start ‘dating’ but you’ll have no problems with it because you clearly love him as much as he loves you. And perfect couples should live together, of course. The two of you are so happy together, he can’t stop talking about how great you are. It’s such a lovely mask that he can’t ever look past it to see how you really feel. He’ll do anything to keep his idyllic vision. If you tell him you hate him, he’ll say that he just hasn’t been giving you enough love and will increase his clinginess tenfold. If you try to run away, he’ll say that you needed a breath of fresh air. The two of you can go on a walk together, as long as you’re handcuffed to him. Sometimes you need to be tied to the bed because your ridiculous temper tantrum is getting in the way of hugging you. For better or worse, the two of you will be together forever. 10/10.

Kageyama is one of the few people that can match Hinata’s obsessiveness. He’s been attached to volleyball all his life so it basically gave him whiplash when he met you. It was a cheesy love at first sight situation, but Kageyama never knew how to love. His love is unfortunately vicious. His love letters are scribbled and unintentionally threatening. His gifts are strange and sometimes bloody. His touch is rough. He’s trying so hard, but can’t seem to find the words to tell you how much he loves you. It doesn’t take him long to get jealous, the more afraid you are the more you run to somebody who isn’t him. He unlearns all the lessons his team has painstakingly taught him and suddenly he can’t get along with others. He’s practically hissing at anyone who comes near you. A glare from him cuts through bone. Your friends will stop being your friends when he pays a visit. He’s always been good at volleyball, great even, but he can’t do a damn thing to earn your heart. So he just takes it. Regardless of how you feel, he’ll have you trapped in someplace secluded where he can practice being a better boyfriend. He loves you and you should love him too. Even if it takes time, he’s sure you’ll come around. He’s the only one you’ve got after all. Another 10/10.

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sugarandspace · 3 years

Text

Déjà-vu of the Worst Kind

My @malecsecretsanta gift for @brightasstars! 💙

Summary: Even after five years, the memory of Alec laying on the ground with a deadly injury on his chest is strong and vivid. Especially when their lives lead them to a situation much too similar to that. The only difference is that this time, Magnus is able to help. And he's going to do all he can to make sure Alec stays alive.

Warnings: blood, serious injury, near-death (everything ends happily)

Read on AO3

It didn’t matter that they’d been living in Alicante for nearly five years, New York would always be a home for Alec. So when Isabelle called and told him about the threat the city was facing, it didn’t take long before Alec was canceling all his meetings for the next few days and organizing a trip to the New York institute.

All it took was one phone call before Magnus was canceling all his appointments so he could go with him.

It didn’t matter when people in Alicante tried to argue that they were too important to join a fight that could be handled by the Shadowhunters of New York. Their friends and family were in danger and there would be nothing that would stop them from helping them.

So less than two hours after Isabelle had called Alec, Magnus and Alec were standing in the operations center of the New York institute, surrounded by familiar people.

“So this is where we think they are hiding,” Isabelle says and points to a spot on the hologram map. To Magnus’ relief, he notes that it’s far from the city center, in a less populated area that looks to be full of warehouses. “There have been spikes in demonic activity around this area, and our patrols have had a significant increase in demon sightings inside this circle.”

Isabelle’s painted nail follows the red circle on the map, about a mile in diameter.

“Have any patrols been able to inspect the warehouse?” Alec asks, obviously talking about the warehouse in the middle of the circle, glowing with most demonic activity.

“One patrol,” Jace says from Alec’s right.

“They didn’t make it out of there,” Clary finishes for him.

“And that’s why we need a plan,” Isabelle says, her voice that of a strong leader. “We can’t just storm in there without one. We have very little information about the situation but we have to make do with what we have. The levels of demonic activity are rising every day and it’s our best chance to act as soon as we can.”

“What do we know?” Magnus asks, and their friends and family start filling them in.

-.-.-

“Do you think our plan will work?” Alec asks from beside him. They are on top of a shipping container that’s near the entrance of the warehouse, Alec with his bow and Magnus with his hands sparking with magic. The higher vantage point gives them a better opportunity to help others. The sun is just rising above the horizon and when Magnus looks around the group on the ground and on the shipping containers around them, he sees a lot of familiar faces among the ones that are new. There are a lot of Shadowhunters, but since the alliances with Downworlders are stronger than ever, there are a lot of them there as well.

Everyone is ready to protect their home against a common enemy.

“I hope so,” Magnus replies and takes one last steadying breath.

Alec nods at Isabelle who’s standing at the ground level with her whip, and Isabelle nods back.

“NOW!” She yells and four arrows fly and land on the large doors in the front of the warehouse. The lights on the arrows blink a few times before the arrows explode, blowing the doors off their hinges.

It takes less than a second until the demons start pouring from the doors.

Magnus loses the track of time, his only focus on keeping the others safe. Alec is a solid presence next to him, shooting an arrow after an arrow, all of them sinking to their targets. It’s been a while since they’ve taken part to a mission that intense, their jobs at Alicante vastly calmer than their jobs in New York ever were. But it seems to go smoothly, the spells coming to Magnus from memory.

He loses his focus when he hears Alec scream.

He turns around immediately and sees that one of the demons has climbed up the side of the shipping container, trying to get to them from the back. From the looks of it Alec had placed himself in between Magnus and the demon, and now the demon is claws deep in Alec’s chest. Alec’s hands are by his sides, an arrow laying next to his hand.

And he screams in agony.

Magnus sees red, and the force of the magic he throws towards the demon is so strong it turns the demon to dust immediately. Magnus casts a protective shield around them to prevent any more demons from sneaking to them and kneels next to Alec.

“Alexander,” he says as he looks at the state of Alec’s chest.

Alec is still conscious, but obviously in too much pain to speak. His hand comes up to take a hold of Magnus’ jacket, and the bloody fingers curl into it tightly.

“It’s okay,” Magnus says, convincing himself as much as he’s trying to convince Alec. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Magnus what is going on?!” Jace screams from the ground level. He’s obviously felt his parabatai getting hurt.

“Alexander is hurt!” He tells him while his hands spark with healing magic. He starts pushing the magic towards Alec’s chest and it sinks into the wounds fast.

“Can you help him?!”

Magnus hears Jace ask the question but he doesn't know how to reply. He wants to yell yes, wants to promise Jace that his brother will be fine, but his throat feels thick because he can’t say if it’s the truth or not.

Apparently, Jace isn’t happy with not getting an answer because a second later he’s climbing on top of the shipping container. He staggers in his steps when he sees Alec laying on the ground, his chest so bloody it’s hard to see the wounds. Magnus’ protective shield lets him pass easily, and Jace kneels on the other side of Alec.

“Magnus?” Jace asks, and Magnus shifts his attention from the wounds to briefly look at Jace’s terrified face, and Magnus’ own look must be an answer enough because Jace takes Alec’s hand and eases the fingers from the white-knuckled grip he’s squeezed them in, and they both turn their attention back to Alec.

“It’s going to be fine,” Magnus says, like saying the words will bring them to existence. “It’s going to be fine.”

He’s not going to let it end badly.

The situation brings memories to the surface. Memories from over five years ago when they were in a badly lit alley in a similar situation, Alec bleeding on the ground with Magnus kneeling next to him. But this time something is different, this time Magnus has his magic, and this time he’s able to help. And he’s going to do all he can to make sure Alec will survive.

His hands shake from all the power that’s coursing through them, and he can feel exhaustion creeping in. He can also see how Alec’s eyes threaten to slip closed despite his efforts and despite the iratzes Jace keeps drawing on him, so he keeps pushing. Alec’s grip on his jacket loosens and Magnus’ eyes threaten tears.

All his focus is on Alec, so he startles when he feels Jace slip his hand to one of his.

“Take my strength,” he says.

Magnus holds the hand tightly and pulls, and the new rush of energy makes him jolt a little. He can see the wounds start to knit themselves slowly closed, but he fears it might be too late, that Alec might have already lost too much blood. He focuses on the labored rise and fall of Alec’s chest and keeps pushing.

He has enough mind to let go of Jace’s hand when he knows he’s about to pull too much.

But he doesn’t stop. He knows he doesn’t have much to give anymore, but every last bit of magic he finds, he pushes to Alec’s body. He won’t be able to live with himself if he loses Alec and knows he didn’t do all he could.

“Magnus,” Jace says carefully, but Magnus ignores him.

Magnus starts to sway, and he has no idea how the fight is going around them but he pushes and pushes, ignoring the way his vision starts to blacken around the edges. All his focus is on Alec until he falls next to his husband, unconscious.

-.-.-

When Magnus wakes up, he knows immediately that he’s not at home. It takes him a moment to realise why he’s at the infirmary in New York Institute but when he does, the heart monitor next to him starts to beep like crazy. He looks around the room and doesn’t see Alec anywhere. His eyes land on the only other person in the room. Catarina.

“Where is he?” Magnus asks. He refuses to phrase the question in a way that would leave room for the doubt if his husband is alive. He has to be.

“He’s alive,” Catarina says, getting straight to the point, which Magnus appreciates immensely. He lays back against the bed and lets out a sigh of relief.

“Where is he?” Magnus asks again. He pulls the wires from the heart monitor away and tries to snap his fingers to change out of the infirmary clothes. A few sparks come out but nothing happens, aside from the dizziness Magnus can suddenly feel.

“Don’t try to use your magic,” Catarina says and helps him sit steadily at the edge of the bed. “You used so much of it to keep Alec alive that you’re seriously depleted.”

“How long was I out?” Magnus asks because he knows how his body reacts to magic depletion, and based on how weak he feels, this truly must have been the worst case yet.

“Three days,” Catarina answers him. Magnus had expected to get the answer in hours, so three days really throws him off. It also makes fear spark in his chest anew.

“Where’s Alec?” He repeats his earlier question.

“In the room next to yours,” Catarina says. “It’s taking him a while to heal completely.”

“But he’s going to heal fully?” Magnus asks. “There’s no lasting damage?”

“No damage,” Catarina says. “But they are running some tests on him.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Magnus asks. “What are they testing?”

Catarina is normally not one to skirt around any topic, so her troubled face gives Magnus more anxiety than he’s able to take when they are talking about his husband.

“I need to see him right now,” Magnus says and starts to get up. Catarina puts a hand on his shoulder and pushes him down gently so that he’s sitting on the edge of the bed again.

“There’s something you need to know before you do,” Catarina tells him.

“Just tell me already!” Magnus says, starting to lose his temper. He wants to see Alec and he needs to know what’s wrong with him.

“You pushed a lot of magic into his body,” Catarina starts to explain. “A lot more than you should have, one could say. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have tried so hard to heal him, because your magic is the reason he’s alive, but I’m saying that normally warlocks aren’t able to give that big of a portion of their magic to someone else. The strength with what you pushed saved his life, but it also had some side effects.”

“Like what?” Magnus asks. He feels lightheaded for a whole new reason. What has he done?

“The magic did more than just healed him,” Catarina says gently, her hand a comforting weight on Magnus’ shoulder. “Some of it stayed in him, became a part of his body. By the tests we’ve done, it doesn't seem to be fading. It’s tied so strongly to his life power that it has become a permanent part of him.”

“What does that mean?” Magnus asks, fear in his voice. He’s never heard of something like that happening and doesn’t know what effect it has on someone, especially if that someone is a Shadowhunter, with his own kind of magic already in him.

“Alec is immortal,” Catarina tells him.

Magnus’ world tilts on its axis. He doesn’t know how to feel. Disbelief is strong, and a part of him thinks he heard wrong or that he will wake up later and find out this was all a dream. There’s a part of him that’s happy, elated to know that he’ll get to have Alec for longer than a short human lifespan.

Above all, he’s terrified.

Immortality is not something you force on someone else. It has its downsides, plenty of them, and there have been times when Magnus has cursed it, wished he never had it. What if Alec hates him for what he’s done, no matter if it was unintentional? Magnus feels guilty for the happiness he feels for the slight chance that Alec might welcome it.

“I need to see him,” Magnus says, his voice shaking. This time Catarina helps him stand, and Magnus is grateful for the support. Catarina leads him to the hallway, and then through the door next to his. Magnus comes face to face with Alec who is sitting in his bed, smiling widely as he talks with Isabelle who sits on a chair next to the bed.

“Alexander,” Magnus breathes out. He doesn’t know what to say, how to start this difficult conversation they are about to have.

“Hey Magnus,” Alec says, still smiling. “Did Cat tell you?”

“You’re immortal,” Magnus says and nods. His voice is monotone, not giving away anything he feels. He doesn't know how he should feel. Catarina is still helping him stay standing, the magic depletion affecting more than just his powers.

“You’re not happy?” Alec asks, his expression deflating.

“You are?” Magnus asks, cautious to get his hopes up.

“Only if you are as well,” Alec says, the smile replaced with worry.

“I’m really happy,” Magnus confesses, his eyes tearing up at the relief. There’s still some embarrassment in the confession, a voice in the back of his head saying what he did was wrong, no matter if it was intentional or not. He takes a step further into the room and Catarina helps him until he’s standing right next to Alec’s bed. Catarina lets go of him as he leans to embrace Alec, his tears finally falling.

“I’m sorry,” he says, because he has to. “I’m sorry I did this without asking you.”

“It’s okay,” Alec says. “I’ve had a few days to think about it, and I get that it has its downsides as well. But I’m being honest when I say that I’m happy. No time I could spend with you is long enough. I’m never going to leave you, Magnus.”

Magnus is unable to answer with words, but he holds Alec with all the strength his weak body has, and he cries harder against his shoulder. He doesn’t even hear it when Isabelle and Catarina leave the room to give them privacy.

“Did you know this was going to happen?” Alec asks after a while, his hand brushing gently up and down Magnus’ back while he slowly calms down. “I’m guessing no, because Cat said this is something she hasn’t ever heard of before.”

“No,” Magnus answers as he pulls away to look at Alec. Alec lifts one of his hands to brush some of Magnus’ tears away and Magnus leans to the touch. He feels like he shouldn’t be the one being comforted. “I’ve never heard of anything like this either.”

“Well,” Alec says, the smile returning to his lips. “I’m really happy it did.”

“Me too,” Magnus replies and returns Alec’s smile. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Magnus knows the topic isn’t fully settled, that they need to talk about this more when things have calmed down and they’ve both had time to process it. There will be bad times ahead, moments when Alec really feels the weight of immortality, but Magnus swears he’s going to be there for him through it all. The future ahead of them is hopeful, and the most important thing is that Alec is alive and breathing next to him.

#malec #shadowhunters #alec lightwood #magnus bane #my writing

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fullmetalscullyy · 4 years

Text

the way it was - chapter 27

summary: what if riza never went to war? riza hawkeye has just married the man she loves. six months into their marriage, an unexpected surprise stops her from following roy to the military. a canon divergence au that explores what might have happened had riza been unable to join the military. there will be plenty of family fluff, angst, and royai.

rated: m | warnings: no archive warning apply

read on ao3

1914

cross your heart and hope to die

promise me you'll never leave my side

“Roy –”

His eyes flashed as they jerked away from the door. His glare was intense and Riza felt taken aback by it, even though she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She couldn’t get over that burning hatred in his eyes for Bradley.

“You’re leaving.” It wasn’t even a question. Given the anger festering and rolling off Roy in waves, Riza didn’t think she’d be able to stop him even if she tried. She wanted to, just to give his body more time to recover, but the effort would be fruitless.

Roy’s hands clenched into fists by his side. They tightened their grip as he strode over to her with purpose. It looked like he was ready to walk out the door right that second. Roy against the world, blood still smeared on his abdomen and shirtless.

“How dare he –”

“Calm down.” Riza’s voice was as gentle as her touch. A hand was pressed to his cheek and the other moved to rest upon his bare chest, right above his heart. It beat furiously underneath her palm, speaking of his fury and indignation. His emotions were raging but it would do him no good to leave now, guns blazing, in a fit of rage. He would not win that battle.

Immediately, Roy stilled. Blinking, he looked down at her, as if suddenly breaking from a trance. His eyes closed for a second, giving himself a mental shake before opening them. In those dark orbs anger still festered, but it lurked behind his grim acceptance of her wish.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“How dare he threaten you,” he seethed quietly. His hard stare was back on their door, jaw locking as he restrained himself.

“I thought it sounded like a threat too,” Riza admitted.

Her stomach turned at the thought because that meant they may be onto Roy and his mission to take Bradley down. With no way of being able to confirm if that were true or not, her unease skyrocketed. The memory of Bradley’s one eye on her, pinning her in place, made her skin crawl even more than it had before. She shuddered gently, and Roy noticed.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he promised vehemently. His head jerked, looking away from the door, so he could rest his determined gaze upon hers. His hands gripped her elbows securely.

Expression suddenly turning thoughtful, Roy cocked his head in thought while his posture relaxed. Riza could see the cogs working inside of his head, running a mile a minute. She could tell his thoughts were racing as he tried to come up with some kind of strategy or promise to her.

“Perhaps living with my mother for a bit –”

“Roy,” Riza snapped at him, her hands falling to her sides in indignation. He jumped, eyebrows tugging down into a frown. She wasn’t going to run away from him at a moment’s notice. If push came to shove, they’d get Mia out to Chris’, maybe, depending on how the situation evolved, but she wouldn’t abandon him. They wouldn’t abandon him. Especially not now.

“What?” His reply was curt, irritated that his train of thought had been interrupted.

“I won’t let anything happen to you either.”

Riza softened her tone and her shoulders, letting everything negative flow out of her in a breath. Although annoyed he’d jumped and taken such a large leap, it was because he was panicking. Not obviously, but she could feel the sweat on his palms and could see he was bristling with nervous energy. Roy may need action but that was not the correct course.

“I’m not going to leave you.”

“You should –”

“Oh –” Riza interrupted him but had to cut herself off before she really let her irritation show. She stepped back out of his hold and threw her hands up into the air to try to dispel her frustration. “Stop it. Maybe, Mia could go,” she relented, turning back to face him, “but that’s something we would discuss properly, and not in a fit of panic. We don’t even know what that conversation meant yet either,” she reminded him, “but I’m not going anywhere.”

He sighed in frustration. “Stubborn one, aren’t you?” He muttered it, narrowing his eyes, but Riza heard the affection in his tone.

“Of course,” she nodded, unashamed, “but so are you, remember?”

Another sigh left his body, his chest heaving as he inhaled, his exhale long and drawn out as he calmed himself.

“Together,” he confirmed. “We’ll discuss it together.”

“Of course we will.” Angling her head, Riza pecked his cheek. “Be safe going back out there,” she commanded, her tone becoming serious.

“Always.”

She raised a sardonic eyebrow at him. Recent events painted that promise as a lie.

“Listen,” he argued lightly, suddenly defensive, “I didn’t know Gluttony was going to turn himself into a black hole. None of us could have prepared for that, so technically,” he raised a finger into the air, “that wasn’t my fault.”

Riza patted the skin above his heart. “I… don’t even want to ask what that means. Just…” She sighed heavily, dropping her head. She didn’t know what to say. Every time she’d said goodbye to him today, it felt like she was saying goodbye forever and Riza hated it. Her stomach churned, almost painfully, like it did every other time, except this was worse. He would be walking into the belly of the beast, completely alone.

Before she could dwell for too long Roy’s fingers held her chin lightly, lifting her head back up to face him. Slowly, he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers. His touch was light but Riza wanted more. As soon as she deepened the kiss, Roy responded, as if he’d been waiting on her to initiate it. His arms snaked around her back so he could pull her body as close to his as possible. It was difficult with her pregnant stomach, but Riza appreciated the gesture. Her hands gripped his shoulders tightly, nails biting into his skin in her desperation to have that closeness with him.

They parted, breathing heavily, foreheads resting together. If Riza could restrain him completely, she’d keep Roy here in this moment forever. She wouldn’t let him leave to go fight unknown by himself. It would have made her feel better if he’d take some back up, but it was late, and Roy wouldn’t call on his team at this hour for their support. Not that they would be able to do much anyway. If Bradley wanted a meeting with Roy, he would give him that, but Bradley would ensure it was private.

“I’ll always come back to you,” he promised. One arm was removed from her back and came to rest upon her stomach. “To all of you.”

“I know,” Riza nodded slowly so she didn’t jostle his head too much. Pulling back, she smiled up at him. “Do you want a ride to Command?”

Roy shook his head. “It’s late. You should get some sleep.”

“I love you.” She gave him a quick kiss before he could pull away from her completely to go and get ready to leave.

The bed was cold and empty without Roy. Riza tried to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. Her brain was whirring as she tossed and turned, unable to remove the sight of his scars from her mind’s eye. Her heart hurt for him. He must have been in so much pain after doing that to himself… A single tear rolled down her cheek as her eyelids fluttered closed.

Blearily, Riza’s eyes blinked awake at six o’clock. It arrived a lot quicker than expected. There was little light from outside, the turning of the seasons drawing out the nights to make them longer. A quiet groan left her throat as she blinked the sleep from her eyes, the lids feeling heavy and pained from lack of sleep. Her fingers found her forehead, rubbing it gently as she gave herself a few more minutes to relax before getting up.

Roy hadn’t come home through the night. Riza didn’t know what to expect when he left, but she’d hoped she’d at least see him in the morning. Her stomach twisted with worry. Rolling onto her back, Riza’s arm bumped against a pillow restricting her movements. It was Roy’s. She’d moved it in her sleep, probably to hug it against her. It wasn’t the first time she’d done so and wouldn’t be the last either. Subconsciously she’d clung to a poor substitute for her husband, but at least the smell of him was still on the fabric. It brought her a slight hint of peace.

Staring up at the ceiling, going over everything in her mind, Riza felt a flutter in her stomach. Blinking, she paused, the sensation halting her thought process. Then there was another. A smile spread across Riza’s face and a hand automatically moved to rest atop her stomach.

“Good morning to you too,” she whispered to their child, caressing her skin.

There was a tiny kick in response and Riza lay there for a few moments longer, enjoying the tiny movements. It helped calm her and soothe her worries for the moment.

She knew she needed to keep calm and level-headed for the baby, and for Roy’s sake too, but it was so hard. It was difficult not to worry when she couldn’t see him with her own eyes, protect him with her own hands, and watch his back like she’d promised she would. Increased stress and anxiety would not benefit their child in the slightest, but she also couldn’t let it go. Not when he was essentially being targeted by the head of the State Military and God knows what else.

Perhaps she should take up yoga. At least for a brief escape from her own mind.

Riza huffed at the idea. As if she had the time. With Mia at school during the day, all her time was taken up by doing coursework for her teaching degree. Now their daughter was older, Riza didn’t want to waste any time with Mia when she was home, so she made sure to try and complete everything necessary before Mia returned from school.

Pulling herself up from the bed, Riza busied herself and her mind with the preparations for the day. She could either be active or lie there and dwell on Roy’s unknown situation for hours.

“Morning Mum,” Mia greeted tiredly, joining Riza in the kitchen. A small hand rubbed at her eyes as Hayate padded to wait beside Mia, looking up at Riza expectantly. He was waiting for his own breakfast.

“Good morning, Mia,” Riza called over her shoulder, rising onto her tiptoes to reach for a glass for Mia’s water. “Head through to the dining room. I’ll bring your toast through to you.”

“Okay,” she mumbled, eyes half closed.

Riza placed a plate in front of Mia, manoeuvring around Hayate, who’d chosen to sit right beside Mia’s chair at the table. He was still looking up at Riza expectantly, waiting to be fed, but made no noise. He was patient as he watched Riza move around the room.

“Did you sleep well?” Riza bent at the waist, kissing the top of her daughter’s head.

“Uh hu,” Mia nodded tiredly. “I’m still sleepy.” Her declaration bordered on a whine, and Riza could sympathise with her.

“I know. You’ll wake up soon though. And you can have an early night tonight when you come home from school. That will make you feel better tomorrow.”

Like every child, the thought of going to bed early horrified Mia. That would limit her play time, and she would never want that. Mia’s spine straightened immediately, and her eyes were forced open wide in an effort to not appear tired in the slightest. “Oh…”

“We’ll see how you feel when you come home,” Riza added, although she knew Mia would play it off as not being tired as soon as she stepped in the door.

“Okay,” Mia nodded. She looked around the room, her head craning from side to side earnestly. “Where’s Dad?” She sounded so disappointed to not see him and, once again, Riza could sympathise.

“He left to go to work early,” Riza replied. It wasn’t a lie. Leaving the night before for work was certainly early.

Mia didn’t think too much more of it. She shrugged as Riza stooped to provide Hayate with his food bowl and fresh water. “Okay.”

After a brisk walk to school in the cool autumn wind, Riza was just sitting down to do her coursework when the phone rang. Placing down the hot mug of tea, freshly poured to warm her up, Riza walked through the house and prayed this call was Roy finally getting in touch with her.

“Hey,” Roy greeted through the phone. He sounded incredibly tired, but happy to speak to her. “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you too,” she replied, smiling to herself as she remembered saying the same greeting a few hours ago to their little one. Riza leaned her shoulder and temple against the wall beside the phone and cupped her stomach. Her own relief was palpable in her voice.

“Sorry for not calling earlier. I knew you’d be getting Mia ready for school.”

“That’s okay. You’re calling now.”

“Are you all right?”

“Perfectly fine,” she confirmed.

“Good, good.” He trailed off and Riza waited expectantly for something further, but Roy was silent.

“How are you this morning?”

“Oh, yes, fine,” Roy reassured. It certainly didn’t sound it but Riza wouldn’t ask over the phone. After Bradley’s warning the night before and Roy not coming home it was obvious something had happened. However, he was alive and talking to her. That was all she needed at the moment. She wanted to talk to him, not Colonel Mustang.

“What time will you be home tonight?”

“Normal time.” His tone was firm, determined. “It’s been a busy morning,” Roy added, “but I’ll have everything done by the end of the day. I wouldn’t want to miss coming home to you.”

Riza smiled. “Pre-warning, if you’re late, your dinner will probably end up burnt or eaten.”

“All the more reason to get home on time then, right?” She could hear his grin through the phone.

“Exactly. Either that or Mia will feed it to Hayate.”

“Don’t let that dog steal my food!”

Riza laughed at his horrified tone. “Then you better be home for six.”

“Oh, I definitely will now,” Roy vowed. “I’m not letting the mutt steal my dinner for a third time,” he muttered darkly, mostly to himself.

“It’s a hard life for you, isn’t it?”

“The hardest life,” he groaned dramatically.

“Okay,” Riza relented, “I will keep his paws off your food.”

“I would love you forever if you did.”

“You mean…” Riza smirked, twirling the cord around her fingers as a wicked idea occurred to her. “You weren’t already going to love me forever?”

Roy paused for a beat, left stumped.

“Hm,” Riza hummed, “maybe Hayate will be let up at the table tonight while we wait on you…”

“Riza Mustang, you know I will love you for all eternity,” Roy practically purred through the phone.

“Oh? Hm, I’ll have to see it to believe it,” she shrugged.

“Just wait until I get home,” he vowed.

His comment made her snort. “That’s a bit inappropriate for the work phone, isn’t it?”

“I just call it as it is,” he chuckled.

“Okay then, Mr. Love, I’ll let you get back to it. I can’t take up all the time of such a high-ranking officer.”

“You can take up all of my time any day, Riza.”

“I’m sure those in charge will love that.”

“What can I say, you’re worth it.”

The side of Riza’s mouth tugged into a smile. He was so sweet. Her love for Roy washed over her, pooling in her chest with such a warmth that she wanted him home right that second so she could see and hold him.

“What are you up to today?”

“Roy,” Riza laughed quietly, “you need to go back to work.”

“Indulge me,” he replied, but she could hear the hint of pleading in his tone. “Just this one question. I’m on a break anyway.”

Riza raised an eyebrow at his poor deflection but didn’t question it. She missed him and wanted to talk to him. “I’m supposed to be studying and doing coursework, but I’m talking to you instead. You’re making my tea cold.”

“Oh right! You have that exam coming up soon, right?”

Riza nodded. “I do. Hopefully, the little one doesn’t come before it, but to be honest, I wouldn’t mind. It would give me more time to study for it.”

“You will ace it,” Roy replied confidently. “I have every faith. Even if you didn’t study for it, you would.”

“You’re sweet.”

“And you’re smart as hell.”

“And you should be going back to work.”

“Okay,” he replied sullenly. “I’ll let you get back to your work too. Can’t have you drinking cold tea,” he quipped. “Have a good day, Riza. I love you.”

“Love you too, Roy,” she chuckled.

The phone was placed back on the wall. Letting out a breath, Riza let her relief swallow her whole. He was okay. Roy had sounded tired and strained. Something had definitely occurred through the night, but he was his regular self as they spoke. What had happened though, still remained a mystery. She was sure she’d find out when he returned home. It was enough to know that he was well.

* * *

Hayate’s ears perked up suddenly and he paused while playing with Mia. Riza lifted an eyebrow to his reaction, waiting to see what had gotten his attention. He barked once, abandoning Mia to walk towards the door of their living room.

“Hayate!” Mia called indignantly, annoyed he’d stopped playing their game.

He stopped at the threshold, barking once, at the same time there was a knock at the door.

“Hello, Edward,” Riza greeted. She was surprised to see him. He didn’t often call on them without reason, so she was already wondering what had happened for him to appear.

“Hello, Mrs. Mustang.” He cleared his throat but Riza had noticed the slight catch in his voice when he spoke.

“Would you like to come in?”

“Yes, please.”

Mia’s eyes lit up when they both walked into their living room. “Ed!” Her cry was happy and excited as she rushed over to him. “Hi!” Eyes sparkling with excitement, she looked up at their unexpected visitor.

“Hi, Mia,” Edward waved. His posture relaxed and an easy smile overtook his features, banishing the unease Riza had sensed in him upon arrival.

“It’s nice to see you again, Ed,” Riza remarked. “What can I do for you today?”

Riza caught his quick glance at Mia. Edward hesitated, pausing with his mouth open before snapping it closed again. His hands clenched into loose fists by his side and that agitation was back in his demeanor.

“Mia?” She called over to their daughter but not before giving Edward’s anxious body language another once over. “Ed and I need to discuss something privately for a little while. Would you mind going into the garden to play with Hayate so we can have some privacy?”

Edward’s eyes snapped up to Riza’s, but her attention remained on her daughter as she awaited an answer.

“Okay, Mum,” Mia replied happily, nonplussed and unaware of the tension residing in her friend. Her head cocked to the side, looking up at her mother. “Is everything okay?”

“Perfectly fine, Mia Bear,” Riza grinned. “We just have some adult things to talk about, that’s all.”

Mia shrugged and turned to look for her dog. “Come on, Hayate! Let’s go into the garden and play fetch!”

The dog’s ears perked up at the mention of the word ‘fetch’, his little tail wagging quickly as he agreed with a happy bark. They both ran for the kitchen and Riza heard their back door open and close with a slam.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Riza walked into the kitchen, reaching up to the cabinets above her head to grab a mug for herself. She sensed that whatever Edward was here to speak to her about would take a little while.

“Oh, uh…”

“Tea? Coffee? Water?”

“Coffee, please,” he replied.

“Head through to the table,” Riza directed, nodding her head towards the set of doors that led to their dining area. “Make yourself comfortable and I’ll be through in a minute.”

“Okay. Thank you, Mrs. Mustang.”

Rolling her eyes fondly, she smirked. “Just call me Riza, Ed,” she added softly.

There was a pause and he stopped walking. “Right. Sorry,” he apologised sheepishly.

“No harm done,” Riza reassured. “Mrs. Mustang is my mother-in-law, not me.” She laughed quietly to herself when she remembered the same conversation she’d had with Winry and Mia not too long ago.

“So, Edward,” Riza announced, pulling out a chair across from the young alchemist. “What can I do for you?”

Movement from Riza’s right caught her eye. She saw Mia run by the window of their kitchen. If this conversation was not for her ears, at least they’d be able to tell if she came back into the house. Anticipation had been itching at Riza as she prepared their hot drinks, desperate to know what had caused such visible discomfort and apprehension in Edward.

“Have you heard the most recent news? From Central?”

“No…” Anticipation was replaced with trepidation. “What’s happened?”

“The Colonel hasn’t told you yet?” He blinked at her, completely thrown off that Roy hadn’t shared this big news. Disapproval flooded his expression, tugging his eyebrows into a deep frown.

“He left late last night to go to Central Command,” Riza explained, stirring her tea calmly and removing the tea bag to place it on a tea plate she’d provided for herself. “He didn’t come home either.”

“Oh.” Edward’s eyes widened with what looked like realisation, then his shoulders slumped. His disapproval quickly faded.

“I’ve spoken to him since then, but something tells me this ‘big news’ probably wasn’t safe to share over a military phone that may or may not be being monitored.” Riza watched for his reaction. Edward’s shoulders stiffened at her calm but firm tone. “Am I correct?”

“Yeah, that’s actually… That was a smart move.” He looked like he’d been scolded, and his agreement was mumbled, like it was such an effort for him to agree that Roy was right on something. Riza ignored it. Whatever was going on was so much bigger than all of them and she was more interested in the sudden, apparently very big, development.

“I’m sure whatever Roy needs me to know, he’ll tell me,” Riza added. “We’ve both been through this together from the start and I don’t anticipate him keeping anything from me now. We’ve been through too much for him to stop now.” Riza forced the image of the scars on his abdomen from her mind.

“I – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate he would –”

Riza waved off his apology. “It’s all right, Edward.”

“Wait. From the start…” His head cocked to the side and Riza watched him silently as he considered something. Taking a sip of her tea, she watched as his eyes widened. “Wait. Given Mia’s age you… You were with him when he was in Ishval?”

So, he’d given it some thought and finally put two and two together.

Riza nodded. “I fell pregnant before he left. Mia was born just before he returned.”

Edward paled as another realisation dawned on him after hearing her statement.

“Roy didn’t want to leave, but obviously he had no other choice but to go with the military.”

“He didn’t have to leave you both,” Edward interjected, appalled when there was no need to be. “He could have stayed!”

Riza took note of the way he spoke. Ed was bordering on being angry at Roy on her behalf. It was a stark reminder of just how young he was. While being hailed as a child prodigy he’d been built up to think he was incredibly intelligent and knowledgeable. And Edward Elric was, Riza didn’t doubt that and wouldn’t take it away from him, but his views on the world were so naïve. She smirked to herself sadly remembering how Roy had proposed his dream to her after her father’s death. They had all been naïve when they were that young, but that didn’t mean Edward had to follow in the footsteps of their mistakes.

“You and I both know it’s not that simple, Ed, and it never will be. Especially after enlisting in the military. They own you,” she added, nodding at him, “and they owned Roy too. Wherever they call to, he would have to follow. Same as you.”

“It’s not like that,” he protested. “Al and I get free reign of the country. We’re not stuck in headquarters.”

“Because Roy makes sure you get the freedom you need,” Riza replied. “I don’t know the exact ins and outs of it, but he fought for you to become his subordinate before you joined so that you could.”

Edward paused, sitting back in his chair in surprise. “He did?”

Riza nodded. “He knew that if your secret got out you’d probably be taken away and interviewed relentlessly about your ability to go through the gate, especially so young. Alphonse would’ve been removed from your side to be studied. A soul being bonded to a suit of armour is a very interesting and curious set of circumstances, especially for the military.”

His body jerked in surprise, looking affronted. “How do you know about Al and I?”

“I told you when we first met I’d already heard all about you. I meant it.”

“It was supposed to be a secret,” Edward scowled.

“Would you trust the person you loved with information such as this? Would you trust Winry with it?”

Edward almost choked on his coffee. He coughed and spluttered, his cheeks heating up, while Riza raised an eyebrow knowingly at his knee jerk reaction.

“I, um, me – I mean, Winry and I – It’s not –”

“Okay,” Riza relented, holding a hand up in surrender. The poor boy would probably have an aneurysm if she continued to push further, but she did hide her smile behind her mug as she took a sip of her tea. He definitely loved her.

“I mean…” He sighed, his face still beetroot red and he refused to meet her eyes. “I see your point,” Edward mumbled.

“Anyway, he couldn’t stay, no matter how much he wanted to,” Riza continued smoothly, going back to their previous conversation. “He had a duty to his country, and he was called up to war.”

“So he was definitely in Ishval,” Edward muttered to himself in grim wonder, sounding glad that piece of information had finally been confirmed for him. However, he stiffened, as if not realising he’d spoken aloud. “Sorry, never mind,” Edward added hurriedly, waving his hands in front of him. “Forget I said that if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t mind talking about it, Edward,” Riza reassured him gently. “It’s a part of our history, after all, and needs to be remembered and discussed. Roy was in Ishval,” Riza confirmed. “As a State Alchemist.”

Edward’s face said it all. It fell, and his mouth hung open. So, he knew enough about the war to have been able to figure some of it out for himself. “Wait, as a State Alchemist? Not just as a soldier?”

“He was a State Alchemist, yes.”

Edward paled further.

“Make no mistake, Edward, Ishval was an extermination campaign, not a war. When Roy returned his eyes had been opened in a painful way. But he bore that suffering, and continues to do so, ensuring people like you in the next generation would never need to. We worked through the aftermath together but it’s still hard.” Riza absentmindedly stared down at the brown liquid in her mug. “The nightmares never really go away. And I helped put him on that path,” Riza added sombrely. “I have responsibility in it too and want to see him succeed in his plans.”

“What do you mean, you have a responsibility?” His voice was incredibly quiet, a far cry from the Edward Elric she was used to. Even the skin of his face had taken on a greenish tinge. Still, he needed to know. He was military and working with Roy against those who’d caused it all. He had a right to know the extent of what he was fighting for.

But he couldn’t know about the tattoo. No one could. Riza shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Know that I did have a part in his course of action though and I want him to see it through to the end, so the military can be removed from power and democracy can take its place.” Her fingers tightened on the mug, knowing what that course of action entailed.

“Democracy?”

“That’s the only way the nation will change. Once he becomes Fuhrer he’ll devolve all power into parliament, replacing the Fuhrer with a Prime Minister. Then, those who committed war crimes in Ishval can be punished, such as the State Alchemists.” The heat from her tea was burning the tips of her fingers, but Riza still didn’t move them.

“But… The Colonel being a State Alchemist in the war means –”

Edward hadn’t really expected to reach that conclusion from this conversation, Riza knew that much. He may have had an inkling it was coming, but it was likely he didn’t want to accept. And why should a teenager want to accept such things? But that was the way of their world and the progress that came from their past actions. Roy wanted to atone for his sins from Ishval and while the thought of losing him completely terrified and rocked Riza to her core, there was no use in fighting it. He bore that suffering so no one else could in the future. It was his decision and she’d support it. She’d never take that away from him, no matter how much her mind screamed and begged her to reconsider, or how her heart rate kicked up erratically and the thought left her gasping for air in a panic. Roy would be executed for his crimes and there was nothing Riza could do to stop that course if that’s what the people called for. It wouldn’t be fair to the Ishvalans who’d been targeted and lost their lives. She’d known this for years but was still difficult to accept when it was brought up. Not that Riza ever really thought of it, but it was a constant crushing weight that lay in the back of her mind, hidden just out of sight. However, she’d learned to live with it, somewhat. That was the price of her giving him the secrets to flame alchemy and inadvertently causing such a catastrophe as Ishval to occur.

Riza just stared at Edward, unmoving and unflinching as he came to terms with her answer. She hated to do it to him, but she wouldn’t lie. Not about this.

“He’ll – He’ll be executed!”

“I know, Ed.” It hurt even more to hear it voiced aloud.

“And… You’re okay with that?” His cry was out of denial and disbelief and Riza tried not to let it get to her too much, but anger flared inside of her like a beast.

“How can you ask me that?” Her tone was cold, but her expression was almost unchanging. She narrowed her eyes at Edward only slightly, but dangerously. She couldn’t help it.

“But – But – Mia! And… And your new baby!”

“I’m well aware, Edward,” Riza repeated, trying to remain calm. Her heart rate was gearing up again, her skin breaking out in a sweat as she tried not to let the panic consume her. “So is Roy. Ultimately, we won’t know what will happen in the end,” she swallowed, “but if that’s what the people call for due to his past actions, then that’s what he will give. Roy feels he needs to atone for his past sins and I would never take that away from him.”

Riza cleared her throat and forced her swallow past the lump in there. Thinking of their children, so innocent and unaware of what may eventually befall their father, almost killed Riza, but she and Roy would work through it together. They’d explain everything to them when they were old enough about what happened in Ishval and the possible outcome of their plan. They wouldn’t hide from it.

“But don’t think for a second we haven’t considered our children and family.” Riza’s tone changed, her voice becoming stronger. “Believe me, Edward, we’ve been discussing this for years and it never gets any easier to deal with. Especially not right now.”

Edward sat back in his chair, dumbfounded. Nothing was said for a few moments and Riza continued to mentally calm herself down as he processed this new information. A quiet sigh left her, finally letting go of the flare of anger she’d felt towards him briefly before.

He’s just young, Riza reminded herself.

“Hey,” a tired voice announced suddenly, cutting off any further conversation they may have. For a second, Riza thought it was Mia and her eyes instinctively moved to the kitchen window, however she was still playing happily with Hayate outside. “I’m home!”

Rising from her chair, Riza left Edward in their dining room to greet her husband. He was home earlier than he promised. It was just past five o’clock. As she approached, Riza watched as he shrugged out of his military jacket and tossed it carelessly onto the floor by the door. Riza felt a similar disposition towards the military in that moment after her conversation with Edward. The top two buttons of Roy’s shirt were popped open, the collar spread so she could see his chest. A tired but happy smile spread across Roy’s features as he opened his arms. Stepping into them, Riza hugged him tightly, glad he was finally home. She needed his comfort after that heavy talk, and reminder that he wasn’t gone from her side yet.

“I missed you,” he whispered quietly into her hair.

Riza gave him a tight squeeze, letting him know she felt the same way. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“I was kept in a meeting with Bradley all night so couldn’t come home before I was due in for work.”

“That’s okay,” she reassured, pulling away and pressing a hand to his cheek. “You’re home now. And we have a guest.”

His fingers tightened their grip on her protectively as his eyes shot up and looked away, down the hall. After their last surprise visitor, Riza didn’t blame him for his reaction.

“Oh?” Roy’s question was nonchalant, but his grip tightened still.

“Edward Elric came by to say hello.”

Roy’s shoulders slumped and his hands hung loose on her waist. “Oh.”

“He wanted to talk,” Riza added, shooting him a pointed look. “And we discussed our future plans.”

Roy nodded in acceptance.

“So, sorry. Dinner hasn’t even been started yet.”

Roy tutted and rolled his eyes playfully while Riza just nudged him.

“At least I can fend Hayate off from it myself tonight,” he joked, giving her a quick kiss and another tight hug.

“Good evening, Fullmetal,” Roy greeted, walking into their dining room where he was still sitting, gripping his coffee cup tightly.

“Colonel,” Edward nodded.

“Did you come to steal my thunder and share my news before me?”

Edward glowered at Roy. Riza nudged his side with her elbow.

“Don’t be such a child,” she scolded. “He came by for a chat. And it’s always nice for friends to stop by,” she smiled at Edward, trying to channel that he shouldn’t feel bad for his outburst during their future plans. They’d both gotten a little worked up. He still looked slightly nervous and regretful. “And once you’ve finished acting like a child,” she added, turning to Roy and pointing over his shoulder, “you can go outside and say hello to our own. She missed you this morning too.”

Riza went to pull away from his hold, but Roy didn’t let her move far. He bent his head down, kissing her cheek. “Okay, I’ll go and see her now.”

“We never got as far as your ‘big news’ though,” Riza added, “but you’ve both succeeded in making me incredibly curious.”

“I’ll explain everything when I come back,” Roy promised. “It’s…” He grimaced. “Well, it’s certainly something.”

“Take your time with Mia,” Riza smiled, patting his shoulder twice.

“Mia?” Roy called into their garden, stepping outside into the afternoon sun’s low rays.

A loud gasp reached Riza’s ears before the door clicked shut quietly. “Dad!”

Through the window, Riza saw Mia race by and throw herself into her father’s arms as Hayate barked happily by their sides, his tail wagging and tongue lolling in greeting.

“I should probably get going,” Edward announced. “I don’t want to take up more of your evening.”

Riza shook her head. “I’m always open to visits from a friend, Edward. Don’t worry about him,” she jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “He gets snarky when he’s tired.”

Edward coughed, trying to hide his laugh.

“Although, something tells me you’ve noticed that already,” Riza grinned.

He didn’t answer for a beat. “Maybe once or twice,” he admitted quietly.

“He respects you, Edward. Despite being sharp with you. I do too. You’re working so hard towards your goal, but please…” Riza paused for a second, thinking of a way to word her thoughts correctly. “You’re still young. Rest when you need to. And talk to someone if you feel overwhelmed by everything.”

“I will,” he promised.

“And I’m sure Winry will appreciate a call every once in a while too. She worries and cares about you a lot.” His cheeks reddened, just like they’d done before. “She would love to hear from you and know you’re safe.”

“Yeah,” Edward coughed, cheeks still red. “Yeah,” he repeated, sounding defeated, “I need to be better at that.”

“Just one phone call every now and then can go a long way. Believe me.”

“Okay.” Edward nodded, his spine straightening as he squared his shoulders. “Thank you for talking with me about everything too. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry for my outbursts,” he added sheepishly.

“Not a problem, Edward. Take some time to process everything. I know that was a lot. And whatever is going on, you and Alphonse can always call on us to help,” Riza reminded. “Winry too.”

“Thank you, Riza.”

* * *

“So…” Riza swallowed thickly, processing what Roy had announced to her. “They’re all gone?” She fell back, coming to rest on the couch cushions behind her, stunned.

Roy nodded slowly. The movement was controlled. His shoulders held a lot of tension as he leaned forward. His hands, clenched together, covered his mouth while his elbows rested on his knees.

“Falman to the north, Breda to the west, Fuery to the south,” Roy repeated. His torso expanded with a sigh, which was let out loudly around his fists. “Havoc’s moving back east to live with his family. He’s leaving the military.”

She expected this move would happen for Havoc, but to have the other three ripped from him as well… Now there was no one Roy trusted implicitly inside his office.

“I’m sorry, Roy.”

He shrugged, but she saw the helpless look in his eyes. “It is what it is.”

“It’s shit. That’s what it is.”

Roy snorted then coughed. “Yes,” he agreed with a chuckle. Straightening, Roy wrapped his arm around her back and laid his head against her shoulder. “Yes, it is.”

Lifting her hand, she ran her fingers through his dark hair. Going against the grain, she lifted the strands from the back of his head so they spilled in between her fingers, carpeting the back of her hand with a gentle softness and warmth. Roy hummed quietly underneath her, appreciative.

“We’ll get through this,” Riza whispered. “We always do.”

“I’m just worried about anything further happening,” Roy admitted. The arm around her back tightened its grip.

“Do you have any reason to?”

His body tensed. “You came up in the meeting with Bradley. He insinuated what he could do if I didn't comply.”

Her hand stilled in his hair.

“Please don’t stop,” Roy whispered with a hitch in his voice.

Recovering from another shock, her head turned and looked down at him, but Roy didn’t move. His weight grew heavier against the side of her body. Riza restarted moving her hand through his hair with what she hoped were gentle and soothing movements. He needed them right now.

“What was insinuated?” Riza swallowed. She didn’t really want to know but her morbid curiosity got the better of her.

“Well. The worst thing imaginable.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

So, she’d most likely be killed.

“I’m so sorry.” Roy’s voice was husky, and a hand lifted to press protectively over her stomach. “I didn’t intend for this to happen.”

“Roy, nothing’s happened,” she reminded him gently.

“Yes, but it could. And it was me that put you in harm’s way.”

“I signed up for this remember.” Riza pulled away from him. Grasping his shoulders, she righted his body so he was straight. Staring into his dark, shining eyes, Riza cupped his cheeks firmly in her hands. “I knew from the start it wouldn’t be plain sailing. We both did. And we’re both committed to it. Do they have any reason to harm you?”

Roy shook his head best he could in her grip. “No. I’m important to them for whatever reason.”

“Okay.” That was a big relief to her. “So, as long as you play by their rules, we have nothing to fear?”

“I did that once before.” Something flashed in his eyes as he remembered Ishval. That cut off her feeling of relief immediately. Dread took its place, clawing at her insides relentlessly. “And I don’t want to have to do it again.”

“I don’t want you to either.” She didn’t know what else to say to that. He was stuck. They’d taken his team hostage as well as her, in a way. Her discomfort returned tenfold.

Roy looked like he needed it, so Riza drew him into a tight side hug. His hands clutched at her blouse, forming fists to scrunch up the material. One of her hands gripped his shoulder tightly while the other returned to his hair, running her hands gently through it.

“At least we still have each other,” Riza reasoned, going over everything inside her head. “At least we’re still together. They haven’t moved us apart. And we have our family and our health.”

“If they tried to keep us apart then I really would tell a homunculus where to shove it,” Roy muttered into the crook of her neck.

Chuckling, Riza smoothed down his hair, giving it a pat. “That would be a stupid move.”

“Satisfying, though,” he mumbled petulantly.

“Very satisfying,” Riza agreed. “I’ll support that.”

Roy heaved a sigh, his breath heating up the skin of her neck. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

His grip on her shifted, his hands relaxing from their fists. “You’re always such a calming force for me.”

“I’m happy to help,” she smiled. “Always. Anything for you.”

“I thought I was in real trouble when I was talking to Bradley. I really did. Then after it… Everyone had received their transfer papers while I was in the meeting. Fullmetal and Alphonse were there too. I’m surprised Bradley didn’t remove them, but he didn’t seem to care about their mission of getting their bodies back.”

Riza nodded. “What happened after the meeting?”

“I wanted to call, but I knew you’d be getting Mia ready for school. It killed me not to let you know I was okay. But I just wanted to say that our phone call helped a lot.”

“Good.” That made Riza ecstatic to hear.

“You can probably expect more of them from now on,” he smiled, finally pulling away from her. “If my phone is being monitored then I want them to be bored out of their mind listening to me profess my love for you,” he winked playfully.

“You sound exactly like Maes,” Riza smiled, a pang of sadness going through her heart.

“Then I learned from the best,” Roy grinned.

The phone rang loudly and suddenly, interrupting their moment. Regrettably, she moved away from Roy’s side and walked through to the hall, picking it up to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Riza!” Rebecca Catalina called cheerily down the phone. “I’m coming to town this weekend. What would you say to us having a girl’s night out?”

It was eerie how well this phone call had been timed. Riza relaxed her shoulders as her friend proposed what honestly sounded like a fantastic idea after a stressful start to the week.

“Rebecca, you read my mind.”

Roy came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pecking her cheek. He didn’t move, just remained there, holding her tightly. Riza appreciated the comfort he brought with him and leaned back into his embrace, savouring the feeling after her long night and day without him.

“Fantastic,” Rebecca cried, “because I am desperate for one. Especially after the juicy gossip I just heard, straight from Central Command!”

#royai #royai fic #royai fanfic #royai au #the way it was #emma writes

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ijustwant2write · 4 years

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A Free Spirit-Tommy Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @beautifulmultifandomfamily)

Requested by @sylvanaiello

Summary: ‘Hi ! I really love what you write, so much so that I'm French but I still read your writings in English because I love them! Could you write me a short story with dear Tommy Shelby? Like : the young woman is pregnant and with Tommy for years but she constantly challenges him to fend for herself, to go out or else ... and they argue. Sorry that's a bad description, but you're a fairy I know you'll make it great. (Sorry for my english!) much love XX’

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Mentions of sex, fighting, threats, pregnant symptoms, shouting, swearing

(A/N: I can’t believe there are people out there, who don’t have English as their first language that read my work! So sorry for the long wait though x)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

With all the strength in me, I used my entire body to push against the vault door, letting out a sigh of relief when it finally closed. Comically slapping my hands together, as if they were covered in dirt, I felt as if I wasn’t the only person in the shop. Of course, I knew who was standing there, I would be a terrible wife if I didn’t.

“Tommy, you’re here. Thought I was meeting you back home.” I smiled as I made my way over to him.

He didn’t look amused.“What did I tell you about getting involved with business?”

“What?” I kept a smug smile on my face, slithering my arms around his waist.

“The young lads were supposed to collect that debt money, not you.”

“Have you seen those boys? They’re still new to all of this, they would have pissed their pants if they had seen who answered the door.”

“Exactly. He could have hurt you.”

Tommy’s arms finally wrapped around me, huffing at my actions from earlier.

“Tom, I know what I’m doing.”

“But you don’t need to do it. Not anymore.”

“I don’t mind-”

“That’s not the point. You’re (Y/N) Shelby, everyone knows who you are, there is a target on your head.”

“There’s one on yours too.”

“I’m different.”

“How?”

“Remember when I kept pushing you away? Rejecting your advances when you would stumble about in the Garrison?”

“You make it sound like I was always drunk.”

“You were when I saw you.”

“What point are you trying to make here?”

“I said no so many times because I knew I had already fallen for you. I didn’t want to put an innocent person in the firing line. Though I suppose it’s a little too late now.”

“Yes, it definitely is.” I held up my left hand, wiggling my fingers to show off the wedding band.“And I wouldn’t have approached you if I didn’t think I could handle the infamous Thomas Shelby.”

“Is that what you’re doing now?”

“Got you wrapped round my finger. Everyone knows it.”

I pulled away from him, walking away when I thought I was off the hook. However, he called out my name, and I refrained from slumping my shoulders, trying to not sigh at him. Turning around, I clasped my hands together, holding back a smile as he slowly walked towards me. Fuck, he was handsome.

“(Y/N), you’re not to do that again.”

“I’m not wanting to start an argument with you, I’m just going to ask a simple question. Why have you all of a sudden become so protective? More than usual?”

“We’re not getting any younger.”

“What do you mean?”

“If we were to start a family, I need you safe, I want you safe.”

I was never one to be taken off guard, or to be speechless for long. But what he had said shocked me. I knew Tommy valued family, but I hadn’t thought about having a child in a while. For some reason, I felt that Tommy was too busy for that; perhaps having a child running around would cause more stress than happiness.

The corner of Tommy’s lip raised.“That shut you up.”

“I...I didn’t think....we haven’t spoken of that in so long.”

“I know. But I’ve heard you speaking with Ada.”

“You’ve been eavesdropping?”

“I’ve overheard your conversations at the right time.”

I rolled my eyes.“Tommy, you should have said something sooner.”

“You want this?” He wrapped an arm around my waist, tugging me into his body.

“You already know the answer.” He kissed me quickly, but I pushed him away.“Ah, ah, I will not conceive my child in the betting shop.”

“And why not? This is what they’ll grow up with, might as well start here.”

“No. We have a huge house at home with many bedrooms that we can use.”

“Get in the fucking car.”

We had the most amazing sex that night (not that it was ever not amazing), but the passion was intense. We wanted a baby, we loved each other. At first, we knew that starting a family was risky, but anything we did was a risk, he was the leader of the Peaky Blinders; so what was the point of worrying and getting no where in life? It made him more determined, he had another surge to protect everyone. Maybe a baby would change his point of view. All I was certain of, he wasn’t complaining throughout the process.

As we had hoped and expected, I feel pregnant, assuming the news when I woke early one morning, dashing to the bathroom with my hand clamped over my mouth, trying to not throw up over the lush carpets. The doctor later confirmed this, as did Polly when she decided to unexpectedly grab my breasts. She stated I was pregnant, and I couldn’t lie to her, because one, she already knew, and two, why would I dare lie to her?

“Oi, oi! I hear we’ve got another Blinder on the way in nine months!” Arthur exclaimed as Tommy and I entered the Garrison. I was thinking of keeping it a secret a while longer, though all of that was thrown out of the window.

“Well, we were going to tell you later down the line, but I suppose the word has spread.” I smiled, welcoming his hug.

That night was full of celebration, and although almost every night in the Garrison was long and full of drunks, this had a different atmosphere. It was more joyous, there was a lighter feeling in the room, even Tommy broke out a small smile. All of this, all those months ago; it felt like only yesterday I had announced my pregnancy.

Now here I was, four months pregnant, and definitely feeling the side effects of pregnancy. My bump was on show, that’s how I liked it to be, it was at that point where my dresses strained against it if it was too tight. My hands were constantly resting on it, soothingly rubbing it in calming motions. I loved this feeling, I never wanted it to end, but at the same time, I wanted to have my child in my arms. It was a confusing emotion. Tommy was always around me too, normally I would go a day or so without even knowing where he was, but now he was beside me at all times. I wasn’t stupid. I knew what was going on. He was paranoid before, but this was a whole new side of him I hadn’t seen.

It felt wrong, but I wasn’t going to obey Tommy’s every command. Yes, being pregnant obviously meant I had to be more careful than usual, but I wasn’t made of glass. Tommy always went on about how there were many threats to the Peaky Blinders, but I was always under threat, what was the difference now? I knew how to look after myself, I would never put my baby in danger. However, Tommy would never let it go, especially after the stunt I pulled in the Garrison.

The boys were supposed to be meeting with the rest of the family at the Garrison, though as usual they were late. Polly, Ada, Esme, Linda and I were sat in the private room, everyone else drinking but me. We were trying to engage in a conversation that didn’t involve any mention of God, though that was impossible with Linda there; to contradict this, Ada started arguing with her, using politics, and my head could take no more. Not wanting to snap at any of them, I excused myself, finding the rowdy bar more peaceful than the two bickering Shelby women. Sitting at the bar, I found myself talking to a few of the locals, until I spotted someone.

“William London? What are you doing in here? I remember my husband barring you, as well as threatening you if you ever came near this place.” I slowly slipped off the stool, holding onto my baby bump.

He rolled his eyes, beer spilling out of his drink as he waved it around.“I couldn’t give a shit. This is my local, I’ll drink where I like.”

“Your local is owned by my husband, the leader of the Peaky Blinders. Are you really that stupid to waltz back in here?”

Tension was building, and although the noise was still raised, people were keeping their eyes on us.

“Who are you to tell me anything? You’re a woman, you’re not in charge here.”

“Not officially.”

“Look, your days of being a rebel are over. You’ve married into a gang to make yourself look bigger and badder, but all it’s done to you is make you a little housewife.”

I scoffed a laugh.“You must be blind then sir. You obviously don’t know me.”

He stepped forwards, pointing to me with the cup of beer.“Yes I do.And I know whatever is growing inside of you is from the devil himself. Might as well save you the trouble.”

My hands instinctively covered my bump more as I backed away, the men I was previously speaking to jumping up to barricade me. William didn’t stop, and although he wasn’t being violent, the men grabbed him, forcing the man back.

“Does no one see how he has used you to continue his legacy?!”

“Will, you were kicked out for many reasons, one of them on account of how crazy you are. Glad to see nothing has changed.” I spat.

As William started to fight back, thrashing against their hold, things escalated quickly. Voices were raised, fists were thrown, and I was backed into a corner, forced to stand behind the bar as to not get hurt. Just when I thought that no one could stop this, the doors burst open, Tommy, Arthur and John stormed in, knowing that there was trouble. It immediately stopped, the man currently holding William using this chance to throw him to the floor.

“William London, what the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Arthur snarled, hoisting him back up on his feet by the back of his collar.

Tommy’s steps broke the silence.“I told you to stay away. And do you remember what would happen if you came back?”

Nothing.

“Answer me.”

William kept his head low.“Y-you would cut my eyes.”

“I would cut your eyes, yes. Well, you broke that promise. It was a simple task, just go drink somewhere else. But you’re too much of an idiot to listen.”

He nodded to Arthur who nodded back, before dragging out a flailing William, John following after. No one was sure when to go back to their conversations, not wanting to risk offending the infamous Shelby.

Tommy held his arms out, gesturing to everyone.“Well go on, back to your drinks. Enjoy your evening.”

As the noise level resumed, Tommy stared straight at me, and I knew that I was in trouble (though I hadn’t done anything wrong in my eyes). He walked out of the Garrison, wanting me to follow. Sighing, I stepped out from behind the bar, spotting Polly standing in the door frame of the private room.

“You gonna be alright?” She asked, handing me my coat.

I slipped it on.“Yes. Just got to convince him that I’m not in the wrong.”

“Don’t put too much stress on the baby.”

“How can I not? I’m a fucking Shelby.”

Tommy was waiting outside. There was no sign of the other Shelby men, meaning they must have dragged William off to somewhere secluded. I was surprised when Tommy took my hand in his, starting to walk us to God knows where. I thought he would slump away, just wanting me to follow along. I didn’t ask anything, I didn’t even want to say anything. He was going to snap at me, for no reason, I didn’t want to start a fight. Surely he should have seen it as me respecting him and enforcing his rules?

We walked into the betting shop, Tommy not bothering to turn on the lights, until I did. Letting go of my hand, he ran his down his face, deeply sighing. I lowered myself into a chair, feeling the pressure lift off of my swollen feet. He noticed this, pausing his pacing and watching me.

“Before you say anything, I was not putting myself in danger. You walked in at the wrong time.” I started.

“I think I walked in at the right time. We’ve already pissed him off enough, what if William used you as revenge?”

“Revenge? Tom, that’s a bit dramatic isn’t it?”

“You saw him go berserk. He would have hurt you.”

“Yes, but I had people there to protect me.”

“They aren’t our men. They could have-”

“Tommy, they still fought him. Look, I’m sorry that I opened my mouth, but I can never stand it when people go against you. You’re a fucking Shelby, you banned him for a reason.”

“Yes, I understand that.” Tommy walked over to me, kneeling in front of me.“But you can’t be the same woman as before, not fully.”

“What? You’re telling me not to be myself.”

“I’m telling you to think before you speak. I’m not calling you stupid, or anything along those lines; but you must know that you’re an easier target now.”

“Because I’m pregnant.”

“Yes. We both know you can defend yourself, but with our baby, you’re slower, you can be hurt easier.”

“Tom, I know-”

Tommy placed his hand gently on the bump.“I don’t think you do.”

“I’m not an idiot! I’m stuck with this every day! Our baby is growing inside me, how can I not think about it?! But I am not incapable.”

He groaned.“You’re not listening-”

“I’m not going to sit around and look after the baby all day-”

“(Y/N)!” He raised his voice before clearing his throat.“You’re too used to this life, but I don’t want you to be. I don’t want our child to be. You’re not an idiot so I don’t understand why you’ve put yourself in these situations?”

“I...I...” I put my hand over his.“I’m Thomas Shelby’s wife. I’m supposed to be this strong, powerful woman that stands by the leader of the Peaky Blinders. You said it yourself, I’m much more of a target like this, so what are people thinking?”

“I take it back, you’re a fucking idiot.”

“Excuse you?”

“Everyone still thinks of you as who you were before I got you pregnant. You said it yourself, those men in the Garrison stood to protect you, even though they weren’t employed by us.”

“I’m just not able to do the things I used to.”

“All women think that when they’re with child.”

“But it’s different for me.”

“You’re still stubborn, that’s not changed.”

It was hard to hold back the smile at his comment, and his laugh made me break.

“Tom, I feel useless.”

“You’re not useless. I know that as soon as that baby is out, you’ll be wanting to get back into business you shouldn’t be involved in.”

“Maybe not as much after our baby is here.”

“Really? Not going to train our lad as soon as he takes his first breath?”

“Course I will. But we must wait for the student to become the master, he’ll take after his mother.”

“I don’t know if I can deal with two of you.”

I gently grabbed his chin.“You knew what you were getting into when I drunkingly proposed to you.”

“As did you when I told you to shut up and proposed to you.”

I guided his face towards mine, kissing him hard.“God we’re romantic.”

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby imagines #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby one shot #thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagines #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby one shot #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinders bbc #bbc peaky blinders

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slashingdisneypasta · 4 years

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Horror Villains: In Order from Most Aggressively Possessive (Top), to Least (Bottom).

Patrick Bateman: POSSESSIVE TO THE M A X. Do you see how mad he got about DORSIA?? A RESTERAUNT?? Well, now you know how bad he gets when it’s the only person he gives a damn about, being threatened. Wouldn’t put it past him to growl at any threats, if he were in the right environment.

Both Pennywise’: You do not have free will. But still, even they are not as horrifyingly pissed off about it as Patrick.

Pamela Voorhees: You, are only one level down from Jason on her list to protect. That’s all there is to say.

Jason Voorhees: If someone tries to flirt with you, or worse, he will be so pissed. And he won’t get over it for hours afterwards, needing to blow off steam by killing, walking, or just fricken destroying something.

Billy Loomis: Is an aggro boy with abandonment issues, of course he’s possessive. He’s only under Jason because of Jason’s physical power, to be more destructive about this in comparison. They’re pretty even in how they feel (Even if, *Cough*, Jason has more logical reason to be).

Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt: Like Drayton and Buckman he’s very old fashioned, and he’s also more horrible they either of them so he fits here. Just go eat your cheese toastie and drink tea with Luda Mae, he’ll be at it a while.

Jennifer Check: She’s a vicious demon, and the stereotype of a bitchy teenage girl, yes she’s possessive as hell.

Mayor Buckman: Drayton thinks old fashioned. Buckman is old fashioned. Also, have you seen the way he gets when someone insults the south?? Can you imagine how much worse it is when it’s his partner???

Chucky / Charles Lee Ray: Chucky isn’t aggressive about it, exactly, but he is the kind to stake his claim and then more then come through with threats if someone doesn’t leave you alone.

Thomas Hewitt: He was raised by (And isolated with) Hoyt and Monty. But, still, if he kills someone who was flirting with you it’s mostly to feed his family, and only 45 percent because they looked at you.

Jedidiah Sawyer: Is tired, and weathered. But he miraculously gathers the strength to full on make chase when someone, in his mind, threatens his place as your partner. He will protect you and keep you for himself with all the strength and intensity he does his home.

Chop Top Sawyer: Surprisingly, Chop Top takes the fact that you’re his sweetheart, very seriously. Of course, the smile doesn’t leave his face, but he will set someone on fire if they get too close.

Inkubus: He’s a dangerous mix of protective and possessive. You’re his mate, and he’s spent a lot of time on this earth without you. He doesn’t intend to spend anymore without you. So, any and all threats need to be removed from the living plane, immediately.

The Man (Hush): It angers him when someone puts moves on you when you’re with him. They will be his next victim.

The Midnight Man: Like Inkubus, but the Midnight Mans a trickster at heart and overall. He’d rather play a game with the threat instead of just boringly letting his emotions get the better of him and killing them.

Bubba Sawyer: He is mostly insecure like Carrie but more possessive, only because that’s how his brothers have taught him to treat the things that are his- including romantic partners. The Sawyer boys as a whole, took “You need to fight for the people you love,”, way too seriously.

Debbie Loomis: Her husband cheated on her and she took it very badly. Yes, she’s a bit possessive. Just enough to catch sight of someone who’s treating you a way she doesn’t like and come over and scare them off.

Mickey Altieri: On one hand, he’s pretty cool headed most of the time in the movie. But on the other, he’s freaken… really, taken leave of his senses, so, this may go either way. Flip a coin.

Michael Myers: I mean… he will kill someone over it, but… He’s kind of got a one-track mind, you know? Aggressively protecting his romantic life just doesn’t make the cut, sorry. He’s still surprised he has a romantic life.

Freddy Krueger: More jealous then possessive. He still treats you like you aren’t the legitimate light of his life, so he doesn’t act like you belong to him or anything, but he certainly doesn’t like it when someone else gets to flirt with you or anything else. Will kill a guy, but that probably goes without saying (Only reason he’s above Drayton).

Stu Macher: He’ll get jealous and insecure but, unless it occurs to him while he’s already killing (Like Roman), the offending person will survive. You may suffer 3rd degree puppy dog eyes though.

Drayton Sawyer: He’s very, very old fashioned in his thinking, in that he believes his woman belongs to him. So, he’s not exactly aggressive, but he is possessive in the way you are about your phone (A phone that you’re really emotionally attached to.). He won’t fight a guy about it (Unless he really oversteps, and even than his brothers will take care of it) but he will walk over and have a talk about kindly pissing off.

Roman Bridges: Roman is an artiest. He doesn’t have time to care every time someone makes eyes at his partner. But he will kill someone if he’s already at it and it comes to mind.

Jill Roberts: Jill’s pretty chill about this, actually. Girls got a whole homicidal plan and making Charlie think she actually likes him back on her mind, she doesn’t have time to worry about this when she knows you love and respect her. If you ask her to though, she can and will scare the pants off of anyone like she’s possessive.

Carrie White: She’s not possessive ^^ She might get a lil’ insecure (Or a lot insecure. She just won’t really show it as much as its really there) sometimes when she thinks you’re having a lot of fun with someone else, but other than that, there’s not much to say here.

Luda Mae Hewitt: I feel like… her male family members got all the vicious and mean, and she was just left with… all the chill, you know?

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welllpthisishappening · 3 years

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Welllp These Are Books: the June 2021 Edition

I have read a lot of books this month. That should be stated upfront. Just an absolute metric ton of books. Some real good, some not-so good, some inadvertently hysterical. Also, I made that BINGO board. Because, like, you ever have a total crisis of writing-confidence and ignore that potential freakout and the tendency of your coworkers to miss deadlines by reading every free Amazon sports romance you can find? And several full YA series? In one month? No? My experiences are not universal, I understand. Anyway, there’s thoughts and opinions and spoilers under the cut. Everyone read the Once Upon a Con series, I’m begging you.

READ THIS SERIES! PLEASE! EVERY BOOK WAS SO CUTE! EVERYONE IN EVERY BOOK WAS SO CUTE! THE FANDOM STUFF DID NOT GIVE ME SECOND-HAND EMBARRASSMENT!

Geekerella by Ashley Poston Part romance, part love letter to nerd culture, and all totally adorbs, Geekerella is a fairy tale for anyone who believes in the magic of fandom. Geek girl Elle Wittimer lives and breathes Starfield, the classic sci-fi series she grew up watching with her late father. So when she sees a cosplay contest for a new Starfield movie, she has to enter. The prize? An invitation to the ExcelsiCon Cosplay Ball, and a meet-and-greet with the actor slated to play Federation Prince Carmindor in the reboot. With savings from her gig at the Magic Pumpkin food truck (and her dad’s old costume), Elle’s determined to win…unless her stepsisters get there first. Teen actor Darien Freeman used to live for cons—before he was famous. Now they’re nothing but autographs and awkward meet-and-greets. Playing Carmindor is all he’s ever wanted, but the Starfield fandom has written him off as just another dumb heartthrob. As ExcelsiCon draws near, Darien feels more and more like a fake—until he meets a girl who shows him otherwise.

The Princess and the Fangirl by Ashley Poston Imogen Lovelace is an ordinary fangirl on an impossible mission: to save her favorite Starfield character, Princess Amara, from being killed off. On the other hand, the actress who plays Amara wouldn’t mind being axed. Jessica Stone doesn’t even like being part of the Starfield franchise—and she’s desperate to leave the intense scrutiny of fandom behind. Though Imogen and Jess have nothing in common, they do look strangely similar to one another—and a case of mistaken identity at ExcelsiCon sets off a chain of events that will change both of their lives. When the script for the Starfield sequel leaks, with all signs pointing to Jess, she and Imogen must trade places to find the person responsible. The deal: Imogen will play Jess at her signings and panels, and Jess will help Imogen’s best friend run their booth. But as these “princesses” race to find the script leaker—in each other’s shoes—they’re up against more than they bargained for. From the darker side of fandom to unexpected crushes, Imogen and Jess must find a way to rescue themselves from their own expectations...and redefine what it means to live happily ever after.

Bookish and the Beast by Ashley Poston In this third book of the Once Upon a Con series, Rosie Thorne is feeling stuck—on her college application essays, in her small town, and on that mysterious General Sond cosplayer she met at ExcelsiCon. Most of all, she’s stuck in her grief over her mother’s death. Her only solace was her late mother’s library of rare Starfield novels, but even that disappeared when they sold it to pay off hospital bills. On the other hand, Vance Reigns has been Hollywood royalty for as long as he can remember—with all the privilege and scrutiny that entails. When a tabloid scandal catches up to him, he’s forced to hide out somewhere the paparazzi would never expect to find him: Small Town USA. At least there’s a library in the house. Too bad he doesn’t read. When Vance’s and Rosie’s paths collide, sparks do not fly. But as they begrudgingly get to know each other, their careful masks come off—and they may just find that there’s more risk in shutting each other out than in opening their hearts.

— I cannot possibly overstate what an absolute delight this series was. Cute and sweet and adorable. Like rot your teeth sweet with romances that my high-school self would have swooned over. (I would have been so in love with Darien Freeman as a 16 year old, it’s not even funny. Also, I would have been obsessed with Starfield.) Let’s be honest, my current self swooned quite a lot. Reading these books genuinely felt like a love letter to fandom. To the good and bad and trashy parts of it, and it made my heart swell thinking about these fictional kids and the community they found and how much they learned and then they FELL IN LOVE and, like, not to sound like an after-school special, but: THE REP IN THESE BOOKS?!?? HOLY S H I T. So good. So goddamn good. And not, like, shoved to the side. Like, Jess falls in love with a girl. And it gets its swoon-worthy moment as much as anyone else. Plus, bi-librarian dad who wears suspenders??? Sign. Me. Up. Twisting the fairy tales into the stories also worked really well in my opinion. Honestly my only gripe was that Darien found a cell phone number in the white pages, but, like, everything else was a joy. Please read these books. I promise they will make you smile.

IN WHICH I CAN NEVER TURN DOWN A BEAUTY AND THE BEAST ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge Betrothed to the evil ruler of her kingdom, Nyx has always known that her fate was to marry him, kill him, and free her people from his tyranny. But on her seventeenth birthday when she moves into his castle high on the kingdom's mountaintop, nothing is what she expected—particularly her charming and beguiling new husband. Nyx knows she must save her homeland at all costs, yet she can't resist the pull of her sworn enemy—who's gotten in her way by stealing her heart.

— Yo. YO. Everyone in this book was horrible! And it was wonderful! I figured out the twist approximately point two seconds after the potential for a twist was possibly introduced and it did not diminish my enjoyment of this book for one second. I am such a sucker for any Beauty and the Beast AU, but this was way different than anything I’d read before and Nyx was a blood-thirsty terror and I loved her. The magic and the world building was fascinating in that I really did not expect Greek gods and goddess, but it was also a welcome turn in a weird, huh, that’s interesting sort of way. And the banter was a-plus, top tier. Even when they were snarking at each other. Especially when they were snarking at each other. (Still a pretty quick turn from enemies to lovers, but I’m willing to overlook that based almost solely on the snark.) Plus, the castle was fascinating. And there were more twists aside from the main twist, none of which I figured out. All of which I gasped over. The end was like—chef’s kiss, fantastic. I would like a novel-length sequel to tell me how everything worked out.

...BUT THE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD ONE WASN’T AS GOOD

Crimson Bound by Rosamund Hodge When Rachelle was fifteen she was good—apprenticed to her aunt and in training to protect her village from dark magic. But she was also reckless—straying from the forest path in search of a way to free her world from the threat of eternal darkness. After an illicit meeting goes dreadfully wrong, Rachelle is forced to make a terrible choice that binds her to the very evil she had hoped to defeat.Three years later, Rachelle has given her life to serving the realm, fighting deadly creatures in a vain effort to atone. When the king orders her to guard his son Armand—the man she hates most—Rachelle forces Armand to help her hunt for the legendary sword that might save their world. Together, they navigate the opulent world of the courtly elite, where beauty and power reign and no one can be trusted. And as the two become unexpected allies, they discover far-reaching conspiracies, hidden magic . . . and a love that may be their undoing. Within a palace built on unbelievable wealth and dangerous secrets, can Rachelle discover the truth and stop the fall of endless night?

— As much as I loved Cruel Beauty, I was like ehhhh on this one. Which is part Little Red Riding Hood (although that seems like a stretch, honestly) and part The Girl With No Hands, which is a fairy tale I have literally never heard of before. Rachelle was just—sorta whiny? Which, y’know, she was cursed and had fucked up her entire life, so fair, but also...annoying. I kept reading mostly to try and understand what the FUCK was going on with the magic. I like to consider myself a relatively intelligent person who can understand most YA novels, but this one was tough to keep track of. Like, sure, the imagery of the Dark Forest was cool, but also what is a Gladspring? I’m still not sure I know. Also, this kind of dragged in some places. Lots of patrolling the palace (whining about life) and not enough magic-fighting or establishing any sort of relationship between Rachelle and Armand. Which just sort of happened? Amidst, approximately, twenty-four different twists that were admittedly cool, but also felt like they came out of nowhere. Everything that happened in Cruel Beauty made sense. Most of what happened here felt like it was shoehorned in for shock value.

YOU WANT MORAL AMBIGUITY? BOY HAVE I GOT MORAL AMBIGUITY FOR YOU. IN GODDAMN SPADES.

The Firebird Series by Claudia Gray Marguerite Caine's physicist parents are known for their groundbreaking achievements. Their most astonishing invention, called the Firebird, allows users to jump into multiple universes—and promises to revolutionize science forever. But then Marguerite's father is murdered, and the killer—her parent's handsome, enigmatic assistant Paul— escapes into another dimension before the law can touch him.Marguerite refuses to let the man who destroyed her family go free. So she races after Paul through different universes, always leaping into another version of herself. But she also meets alternate versions of the people she knows—including Paul, whose life entangles with hers in increasingly familiar ways. Before long she begins to question Paul's guilt—as well as her own heart. And soon she discovers the truth behind her father's death is far more sinister than she expected.

— Guys. GUYS. These books, oh my G O D. Little known fact about me, but I am trash for cross-dimensional soulmates. The concept of “we’ll find each other anywhere” is one of my favorites, so I was so psyched about these books. And for awhile that’s what I thought I was going to get out of them. But. BUT! What I actually got was something, not totally different, but not entirely great, either. The problem here was that when anyone used one of the Firebird devices to jump dimensions they TOOK OVER THE BODY THEY JUMPED INTO. So, like, that consciousness got shoved to the side while whatever prime!person just took over. Living that body’s life. In a different dimension. And that’s kinda fucked up, right??? Brings in all sorts of questions about consent and morality and let me tell you, guys, this YA series DID NOT ADDRESS A SINGLE ONE OF THEM. Which is also super fucked up!! So, like, Marguerite is just bouncing around dimensions taking over people’s bodies and lives and leaving this, frankly, trail of destruction in her wake. And as if that wasn’t enough!!! In the second book Paul’s soul gets, like, split and she’s got to round up the pieces through dimensions, meeting all sorts of Pauls who are occasionally kind of shit people and he eventually just, like, CANNOT COPE. Seriously, I could not stop reading these. Partially for the moral ambiguity. Partially because I could not figure out why Paul loved Marguerite. Also, capitalism was the ultimate villain. AS IT SHOULD BE, REALLY.

CREEPY FAE WERE KIND OF CREEPY AND THAT’S NOT BAD, BUT LIKE MAYBE THIS WASN’T A GOOD BOOK?

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson Isobel is an artistic prodigy with a dangerous set of clients: the sinister fair folk, immortal creatures who cannot bake bread or put a pen to paper without crumbling to dust. They crave human Craft with a terrible thirst, and Isobel’s paintings are highly prized. But when she receives her first royal patron—Rook, the autumn prince—she makes a terrible mistake. She paints mortal sorrow in his eyes—a weakness that could cost him his life. Furious, Rook spirits her away to his kingdom to stand trial for her crime. But something is seriously wrong in his world, and they are attacked from every side. With Isobel and Rook depending on each other for survival, their alliance blossoms into trust, then love—and that love violates the fair folks’ ruthless laws. Now both of their lives are forfeit, unless Isobel can use her skill as an artist to fight the fairy courts. Because secretly, her Craft represents a threat the fair folk have never faced in all the millennia of their unchanging lives: for the first time, her portraits have the power to make them feel.

— I’ve seen this book mentioned a lot. As good. And it wasn’t not good, but Isobel was pretty goddamn annoying and kind of dumb and a little self-important and I was mostly here for the creepy fae. That was fun. More fae should have antlers and stuff. Everything in this story happened ridiculously fast. I couldn’t believe it was over when it was over.

THE PROSE WAS VERY PRETTY. I’M NOT SURE WHY THE DRAGON HAD TO BE SUCH A MONUMENTAL DICK.

Uprooted by Naomi Novik Agnieszka loves her valley home, her quiet village, the forests and the bright shining river. But the corrupted Wood stands on the border, full of malevolent power, and its shadow lies over her life. Her people rely on the cold, driven wizard known only as the Dragon to keep its powers at bay. But he demands a terrible price for his help: one young woman handed over to serve him for ten years, a fate almost as terrible as falling to the Wood. The next choosing is fast approaching, and Agnieszka is afraid. She knows—everyone knows—that the Dragon will take Kasia: beautiful, graceful, brave Kasia, all the things Agnieszka isn’t, and her dearest friend in the world. And there is no way to save her. But Agnieszka fears the wrong things. For when the Dragon comes, it is not Kasia he will choose.

— Let me just say first off, that this should have been two books. Everything happened so quickly, I swear I got whiplash. That being said, as a heroine, I liked Agnieszka a lot. She was understandably freaked by everything that happened, but once she kind of settled, she didn’t take The Dragon’s shit and that was good because The Dragon was kind of shitty. This is why it should have been two books. Because everything The Dragon did felt like it needed some kind of explanation. Or at least some sort of reasoning for why he was such a monumental bastard. Which is why I was a little confused that Agnieszka was in love with him? He was such a dick, honestly. The last third or so of this book was the best because Novik really does know how to write action and the magic itself was pretty fascinating. (I wish it went into more depth, but I think I’m spoiled by fic and that’s not actually how the publishing world works.) Kasia might have been the most interesting person in this story. Girl went through it and just became a total badass. I loved her.

MARAUDER FEELINGS! MARAUDER FEELINGS! SO! MANY! MARAUDER! FEELINGS!

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater All her life, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love's death. She doesn't believe in true love and never thought this would be a problem, but as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she's not so sure anymore.

— RICHARD GANSEY, MY BELOVED. What a dweeb. A self-sacrificing, sorta sad dweeb. When he wrapped his jacket around Blue, my heart exploded. I think I spent the last fifteen or so chapters with disconcertingly wide eyes and possibly my hand over my mouth. Still not entirely sure why a Welsh king was in Virginia, but I loved it. Was real glad he was there. As promised by that one book rec list I read months ago, the Marauders vibes of these books were off the charts. It was a weird story with lots of weird things and I hope Mr. Grey gets to be happy one day and that Ronan and Adam make out some more eventually. I think they’ll both feel a lot better if they do. Like, about the world as a whole. Has anyone read the Ronan spinoff series? Should I read the Ronan spinoff series?

OK, THIS WASN’T THAT BAD, ACTUALLY

To Love Jason Thorn by Ella Maise Jason Thorn... My brother's childhood friend. Oh, how stupidly in love with that boy I was. He was the first boy that made me blush, my first official crush. Sounds beautiful so far, right? That excitement that bubbles up inside you, those famous butterflies you feel for the very first time--he was the reason for them all. But, you only get to live in that fairytale world until they crush your hopes and dreams and then stomp on your heart for good measure. And boy did he crush my little heart into pieces. After the stomping part he became the boy I did my best to stay away from--and let me tell you, it was pretty hard to do when he slept in the room right across from mine. When tragedy struck his family and they moved away, I was ready to forget he ever existed. Now he is a movie star, the one who makes women of all ages go into a screaming frenzy, the one who makes everyone swoon with that dimpled smile of his. Do you think that's dreamy? I certainly don't think so. How about me coming face to face with him? Nope still not dreamy. Not when I can't even manage to look him in the eye. Me? I'm Olive, a new writer. Actually, I'm THE writer of the book that inspired the movie he is about to star in on the big screen. As of late, I am also referred to as the oh-so-very-lucky girl who is about to become the wife of Jason Thorn. Maybe you're thinking yet again that this is all so dreamy? Nope, nothing dreamy going on here. Not even close.

— Ignoring the fact that this was almost blatant self-insert, this was a mostly good, occasionally trashy book with brother’s best friend and the one who got away tropes. Which, as we know, are my life’s blood. (Plus, surprise, fake marriage that isn’t really fake?!? Ok. OK!) My only eeek moment was when Olive got super drunk and wanted Jason to like—consummate the marriage and he was like, No Olive, you’re drunk. And then they ended up doing everything except having full-on sex, which felt a little creep and a lot sketch and then it was never mentioned again. Also, Olive needs to find some better friends, God.

EMERSON COD VOICE: HE’S STAAAAAALKING YOU

Marriage For One by Ella Maise Jack and I, we did everything backward. The day he lured me into his office-which was also the first day we met-he proposed. You'd think a guy who looked like him-a bit cold maybe, but still striking and very unattainable-would only ask the love of his life to marry him, right? You'd think he must be madly in love. Nope. It was me he asked. A complete stranger who had never even heard of him. A stranger who had been dumped by her fiancé only weeks before. You'd think I'd laugh in his face, call him insane-and a few other names-then walk away as quickly as possible. Well…I did all those things except the walking away part. It took him only minutes to talk me into a business deal…erm, I mean marriage, and only days for us to officially tie the knot. Happiest day of my life. Magical. Pop the champagne… Not. It was the worst day. Jack Hawthorne was nothing like what I'd imagined for myself. I blamed him for my lapse in judgment. I blamed his eyes, the ocean blue eyes that looked straight into mine unapologetically, and that frown on his face I had no idea I would become so fascinated with in time. It wasn't long after he said I was the biggest mistake of his life that things started to change. No, he still didn't talk much, but anyone can string a few words together. His actions spoke the loudest to me. And day after day my heart started to get a mind of its own.

— Ok, ok, ok, so I enjoyed the Jason Thorn book, right? Was, like, how bad could this other book be? And it wasn’t bad, but it was patently ridiculous. Let me explain what happened. Not entirely sorry for the spoilers. Jack the lawyer sees that Rose is only going to get the space for her coffee shop from her uncle’s will if she marries someone. She WAS engaged, but the guy split. For reasons no one can understand, especially Rose. She’s sad. She’s spent so much money on espresso machines! Enter Jack the lawyer who one random afternoon is like: HEY ROSE, YOU’RE MOSTLY A STRANGER, BUT I ALSO NEED TO GET MARRIED FOR REASONS I’LL ONLY SORTA EXPLAIN, LETS DO THAT. So they do???? And Jack the lawyer continues to be kinda weird and a little shady, but Rose has got the coffee shop and things are going well. Until! She’s got a leaky brain!!! That’s not a joke. Not a typo. Out of goddamn LEFT FIELD, Rose has got some horrible medical condition, so thank God she got married because Jack the lawyer’s got great health insurance. (this is ROMANTIC) and she’s got to have an operation and he stays with her and sleeps in the hospital chair and her coffee shop is somehow still going strong??? On Madison Avenue??? What sit-down coffee shop on Madison Avenue do you guys know that would succeed? None because it’s not downtown. I digress. Anyway, Rose makes a miraculous recovery, she and Jack the lawyer are now almost in love? At least having a shit ton of sex. They’re mostly happily married. Until, part two! The ex-fiance shows up and is like JACK THE LAWYER PAID ME TO BREAK UP WITH YOU. To which Rose is understandably flabbergasted. She confronts Jack the lawyer who fesses that he’s been seriously crushing on her since they met at her uncle’s Christmas party. She doesn’t remember this. He does. BECAUSE HE’S A STALKER. So, he knew about the will stipulation with marriage BACK THEN, which is why he used FIRM RESOURCES to investigate the ex-fiance and found out he was a con man, using Rose with plans to basically steal all her money. This infuriated Jack the lawyer because he thought Rose deserved better and then proceeded to basically con her himself, just in a different way. With marriage! He told her he needed to get married to show he was a family man to make partner. THAT WAS A LIE. He didn’t need it at all. He just—wanted to marry her??? To help her??? What a psycho. She leaves. He continues to lurk outside the coffee shop. They make up. No one mentions the stalking. The end.

I KEEP GIVING HELENA SECOND CHANCES AND SHE KEEPS...NOT DESERVING THEM

All In Series by Helena Hunting Sometimes I need an escape from the demands, the puck bunnies, and the notoriety that come with being an NHL team captain. I just want to be a normal guy for a few weeks. So when I leave Chicago for some peace and quiet, the last thing I expect is for a gorgeous woman to literally fall into my lap on a flight to Alaska. Even better, she has absolutely no idea who I am.Lainey is the perfect escape from my life. My plan for seclusion becomes a monthlong sex fest punctuated with domestic bliss. But it ends just as abruptly as it began. When I’m called away on a family emergency, I realize too late that I have no way to contact Lainey.A year later, a chance encounter throws Lainey and me together again. But I still have a lie hanging over my head, and Lainey’s keeping secrets of her own. With more than lust at stake, the truth may be our game changer.

— Last year I read a hockey romance by Helena Hunting that was very cute and traditionally published and she’s got a bunch more free Amazon books that, for some reason, I keep downloading and reading and they continue to be absolutely ridiculous. That first one was a not-so-secret accidental pregnancy (as previously discussed ONE TIME without a condom mention and bam pregnant) but the second one with Rook’s sister was actually pretty cute. I’m not sure why they all called him Rook. Almost all these series have at least one book with someone recovering from an injury and they inevitably fall in love with their physical therapist. So, that one was pretty ok. None of these, however, were quite as entertaining as (wait for it) QUEENIE AND KINGSTON. WHOSE FRIENDS AND TEAMMATES ALL CALL HIM KING. QUEENIE. AND. KING. Gag. I read it anyway. At least 99% of that decision was based solely on the fact that the story started just after King found out his sister was actually his mom. How am I supposed to stop reading THAT?!? I ask you. Highlights of Queenie and King’s romance included: him calling his mom/sister MOMSTER, Queenie being secretly married this whole time, WITHOUT KNOWING IT, his strawberry allergy that flared up because she’d had a strawberry milkshake and then GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB, her dad finding out they were dating because he was the GM of the team and saw that his starting goalie was having a MASSIVE allergic reaction, Queenie’s eventual ex-husband getting engaged to someone who previously tried to self-inseminate to trap Rook into a relationship (I am not making this up, I swear) and then when he found out that his fiancee’s kid wasn’t actually his, he got into a massive fight and earned a 20-game suspension. THAT’S A QUARTER OF AN NHL SEASON. Tom Wilson got fined five thousand dollars for practically killing Artemi Panarin on the ice! I did not read the last book in this series because it was MORE ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY and because it was Queenie’s dad and King’s mom and that meant they’d share a sibling. Which is where I draw the line, guys.

THERE WERE SEVEN BOOKS IN THIS SERIES! EVERY SINGLE ONE HAD TO HAVE A SCENE WHERE THE DUDE UNDERSTOOD THAT PERIODS WERE A THING???? LIKE THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE SOMEHOW?!?!

Hot Jocks Series by Kendall Ryan I've never been so stupid in my entire life. My teammate's incredibly sweet and gorgeous younger sister should have been off-limits, but my hockey stick didn't get that memo. After our team won the championship, and plenty of alcohol, our flirting turned physical and I took her to bed. Shame sent her running the next morning from our catastrophic mistake. She thinks I don't remember that night—but every detail is burned into my brain so deeply, I’ll never forget. The feel of her in my arms, the soft whimpers of pleasure I coaxed from her perfect lips…And now I’ve spent three months trying to get her out of my head. Which has been futile, because I’m starting to understand she’s the only girl I’ll ever want. I have one shot to show her I can be exactly what she needs, but Elise won’t be easily convinced. That’s okay, because I’m good under pressure, and this time, I’m playing for keeps.

—I read all of these. All. Of. Them. They were exceptionally quick reads. Every single one had a copious amount of sex in it and a very weird, apparently required scene, where the dude had to be like I’M NOT SQUICKED OUT BY PERIODS AM I NOT THE ULTIMATE EXAMPLE OF MASCULINITY?? My favorite one was Grant and Ana’s, though, because it was so goddamn absurd I cannot believe someone wrote it. Basic gist was that Ana was dating someone on Grant’s team (he’s the captain, natch) but the guy was a dick and abusive and so one night Ana decides to leave, but she needs someone to help her and WHO DOES SHE TURN TO??? That’s right, reclusive captain Grant. Who’s spent the last few years watching his teammates marry-up and start families and he’s so jealous, but he can’t say anything because he’s a stoic MAN™. So he takes Ana and her dog (of course she’s got a dog) back to his super swanky bachelor pad and she just sort of...stays there? Video of the boyfriend accosting her at her job gets leaked and the boyfriend gets sent to the AHL which is not really how it would work, but fine. Naturally, Grant and Ana hook up. It’s emotional. Vaguely romantic. There’s no GODDAMN CONDOM. So, she gets pregnant. But, of course. Except! She doesn’t know if it’s dick boyfriend’s or Grant’s. Because he’s the male lead in a free sports romance on Amazon, Grant is the MOST understanding. He wants to help Ana. He would like to continue having sex with Ana. This is ready-made happily ever after. Only Ana’s like...eh?? She doesn’t want it to look like she bounced from one hockey player to the next, but also she sorta did and she kept telling Grant she just wanted to be friends, only to have sex, like, three chapters later. Then she just moved out! Just moved out. Seven months pregnant. Moving out. With her dog. Of course, this is a free sports romance on Amazon, so eventually she moved back in with Grant. Once she realized independence wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. And because he left practice to be there when she had the baby. Oh! And she got a DNA test after. To see whose kid it was. Grant ripped that ‘ish up. Just ripped it up. Which is cool, I guess. But, like, you didn’t want to double check? What if that kid has to go to the hospital? Did she put Grant’s name on the birth certificate? What are his parental rights?? Anyway, they’re all set to live HEA when....THE DICK BOYFRIEND DIES. Straight up. No explanation. Nothing. Just Grant tells Ana he’s dead, she’s like, oh wow that’s sad, they send some flowers to the funeral and that’s THAT. I assume this was to close any potential plot holes on the father of this baby, but it was hysterical and I cannot stop thinking about it. Strangely enough, the one where the couple made a secret sex tape in college and then got back together because it got released may have been the healthiest relationship in this series.

#book recs #book rec #book reccs #laura reads books #welllp these are books #i will not apologize for that bingo board #i think this is a highlight of accomplishments #like for me personally

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malecsecretsanta · 3 years

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Merry Christmas, brightasstars!

For @brightasstars. I had a lot of fun writing this! We share a lot of likes and I knew immediately what I wanted to write when I read the email! I hope you enjoy!! <3

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