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#and a while back i was looking for like. an ado song or something and i got my own animatic as a sidebar recommendation???

princeoftheeternalbog · 3 months

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hiii

Could do nicknames one peice characters would call you?? Xx

I love you🫶 YES I WILL TEEHEE

Suggestive in Sanji and Namis part but mostly sfw!

I only did the strawhats this time but without further ado: petnames/nicknames op characters call you🫶

Luffy

I think Luffy would pick something really cute like flower, like in the morning when he tackles you out of your hammock to wake you up and he's like "GOODMORNING FLOWER :DDDD" while squishing you(😐).

OR he would refer to your future title aka consort of the pirate king(cocky mf). Even if you correct him like oh well you're not king of the pirates yet he just keeps saying 'but why can't I say it now' until you give up. LOVES when you call him my king or my sunshine, it makes him feel all gooey inside. He likes other nicknames too but those ones especially.

Zoro

Surprisingly a classic sort of guy, he'll call you hun or love, mostly always in private.But if he thinks someone is bothering you he'll purposefully say it really loudly like "oh hey LOVE I was looking for you" while glaring at the person.

Always says it in the softest, sweetest tone when you're alone. Seriously he's like some romance drama lead the way he's sighing around the word when he's holding you close. Blushes so pretty when you call him a petname back even if it's the most cringey, disgusting petname like pookie wookie. Like he'll cringe but still blush.

Sanji

Probably uses almost every mame you can think of but especially darling, mon amour and sweetheart. Says them in every tone imaginable and he says them in a very specific way when you're alone, sometimes he'll say them that way in public to fluster you though (asshole🫶).

Jokes on him though because he folds really easily for the same trick. One time you said baby in that tone on deck and he tripped and fell over so... you're the real winner here. He likes to act very confident and he can be but he very often finds himself with wobbly legs around you- he can't help it you're just too fine.

Usopp

Babylove, sweetheart, pretty thing, YES I KNOW OKAY LISTEN JUST HEAR ME OUT- I just think once he gets over the honeymoon phase and he's comfy then he's smooth as fuck. Like this man is fine okay and once he knows what hes doing, he KNOWS yk. Always says them directly in your ear though🫣, he's still too shy to look you in the face while saying that sort of thing. Like he's slick but he's also sweating and trembling while he romances you.

Also he absolutely blushes bright red when you say anything of the sort to him. One 'hey pretty boy' and it's over for his blood pressure, one time he fainted and he was so embarrassed that he avoided being alone with you for a week.

Nami

Sunshine and treasure(in like every single language she can think of). Either says it in the sweetest tone ever or the most scary and she never uses your name unless she's really really scared or relieved (or during the...thing).

LOVES any and every nickname but if you say something cringe in front of somebody she makes you pay a fee😭. Fr 200 berry just for you to call her shnookems in front of Chopper, its mostly because the cringy nicknames somehow make her feel shy like omg you love me enough to confidently call me cuddle muffin ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ how disgusting (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾). But also she uses this money to buy you little gifts and trinkets so can you complain(yes).

Robin

Love, honey or sweetheart. Says it in this cute little sing song voice you didn't know she had and it's just so sweet and enticing fr she got you floating over there like a sailor drowning to a siren's song. But seriously if she's using a petname then you know she's in a really affectionate mood which means lots of touching and kisses!

Her favourite nickname that you call her is 'my wife'. Listen I think she's secretly quite intense romantically so hearing you defend her to someone by going "THAT'S MY WIFE" really does something to her heart. She tries for ages to trick you into saying it again so she can record it and listen back whenever she wants(You give her a recording for her birthday).

Franky

Babe, baby, cutie and probably something really corny like superstar🫶. Definitely the type of person to holler "THATS MY BABY✨✨" while you're kicking someone's ass and it's really embarrassing but simultaneously really reassuring.

And tbh a nickname is usually followed by a kiss, well actually most of his interactions with you are followed by a kiss- Anyways he loves it when you call him one back especially those classic ones like my love or darling, fr he's obsessed. Will absolutely tell everyone what you just called him and if he ever gets hit on he says some stupid dramatic shit like: "Only one person will ever call me their love..." Like shut up😭.

Brook

Dearheart. Iykyk. He finds dearheart is the only petname that even slightly encompass how he feels about you, and besides that he's a very classic guy. ALWAYS kisses some part of you after he says it, usually you're forehead because he's quite tall but sometimes he kisses your hand like some fairytale prince.

Blushes really easily at being called pet names especially more modern ones like baby, gently chides you for it but secretly loves it. It's like those clips of chopper where he pretends he's not flattered by a compliment😭 Brook is fr like "Oh my- please don't call me such things in public" while he's giggling like this:

Jinbei

Love, butterfly, starlight, dewdrop and anything that makes you flustered. He's secretly quite chaotic when he wants to be and he loves seeing you laugh so he tries to make you as happy as possible at all times. Despite how often he uses beautiful flowery language with you, he's quite shy with physical touch so he's stood like 6ft away going "My starlight you are prettier than anything in this world"😭.

Adores any pet name with the word my in front of it. Like my love, my baby, my man, he's just in love with you and he thinks he should be kissing you at all times! Sweetest man ever to be honest.

#one piece x reader #x reader #luffy x reader #nami x reader #nico robin x reader #sanji x reader #usopp x reader #zoro x reader #brook x reader #jinbei x reader #jimbei x reader #franky x reader #op headcanons #op fic #one piece x gn reader #one piece fics

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pap3rcherry · 26 days

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୨୧ “WORLD WE KNEW” ♡.°୭̥

Hazbin Hotel x Betty boop reader

Type: General headcanons.

Genre: Fluff, romantic/platonic.

About reader: Reader is feminine, very short like betty and reader does not have betty's age, shes way older.

Characters: The crew

୨୧ when you first got in the hotel, everyone was curious about you, some thought you were weird looking, others thought you looked cute and some... thought you were an actual child. (ahem... nifty)

୨୧ Alastor personally found you cute, but wouldnt admit it, since we all know how he tries sooo hard to be mysterious and edgy. (and honestly? it works and it makes him look even more attractive).

୨୧ speaking of which, i think he would be the only one to fall in love with you, although it may take a little while, but it does happen if you put effort in it (or if you're insanely lucky)

୨୧ Nifty would be so happy to see someone who is small like her, so she doesnt feel like the only gnome in a hotel full of giants.

୨୧ i heavily HC that Husk would be your friend, since your so charismatic and emotionally mature and how you seen so stable, he honestly finds it cute and surprising that theres someone a little decent in the hotel.

୨୧ Everyone in the hotel either finds you charming or absolutely dainty, especially when you do that "bu bu biro" sound, its very adorable.

୨୧ back to Alastor, the reason he would take a liking to you is probably because you remind him of his times and how polite and charming you can be at the same time, you really are something else to him.

୨୧ Charlie personally finds you ADO-RA-BLE, you are so cute and calm to others and is very mature, she even asks herself how did you even ended up here.

୨୧ You are friends with everyone in the hotel since you are so goddamn charismatic and mostly an extrovert, you just match everyone's energy in the hotel perfectly.

୨୧ When Lucifer went to the hotel, he honestly was surprised that it was even possible for someone to be at least a little shorter than him, but yet, here you are.

୨୧ You performing one of your little songs for the gang in the show & tell day <3 (Alastor was very smitten but wouldnt admit it)

୨୧ Angel would make you repeat your little "bububiro" all the time because he finds very cute.

୨୧ now lets talk more about betty boop!reader

୨୧ You were probably be a Frank Sinatra, Brenda lee, Liana flores fan, it matches your charming but somehow calm and collected personality

୨୧ your room would have more calm color palette, it probably would be draped in black, grey and white, your bed would be those queen sized with lacy decorations on the poles, real queen and fancy shet.

୨୧ Vaggie would probably like your hair, because of how singular and cute it looked she would ask if she could touch but she doesnt wann ruin it. (Unrelated but i really like betty boop's hair design)

୨୧ the egg boys probably calls you "fancy short lady" since you're wel... short, but they enjoy being around you since you are so kind and sweet with them, sometimes you even entertain them with your little songs and short shows.

୨୧ You and sir pentious have a normal friendship, he respects you and you respect him, although you think hes very silly sometimes because of his way to act and... attempts to look tough.

୨୧ In conclusion, you would fit in very fast with the crew (<3)

A/N: im so sorry if this is short, im very sleepy but wanted to provide something for yall cuties.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin headcanons #headcanons #beginner writer #feminine reader #betty boop #betty boop reader #if this flops i will cry #if this flops you saw nothing #fluff #platonic #romantic #alastor x reader #୨୧ cherry works

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wutheringmights · 14 days

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I finished rereading The Song of the Lioness quartet by Tamora Pierce a couple of days back. I already talked about the first book in a post that garnered more attention than it deserved. I guess we were all happily reminiscing about the menstruation scenes together, or Tortall fans are so starved for content they (we) will reblog anything.(Understandable. I too am starved for a thriving Tortall fandom.)

I'm too lazy to make separate posts about each book, so we're just going to do a mega post covering the second, third, and fourth book.

Unlike last time, I will be giving a little criticism to this series. I still love it endlessly, but there were a few things about the prose I thought was interesting that I want to talk about a bit.

So, without further ado~

In the Hand of the Goddess

I think this one is my favorite one, despite how rushed the plot it. It contains all of my favorite plot points, like awkward romances with George and Jon, attending knight lessons, and a little summer war. Fun stuff.

But it definitely feels rushed. I really wish someone told Pierce to make this a 12 book series, expanding on Alanna's years at the castle. It would have gone so far to better develop the romances and the friendships in these books.

I am fascinated by what Pierce chose to skim over. Characters would die or kiss for the first time off screen, with the prose resuming with Alanna reacting to it. It demonstrates an understanding of character work that I personally adore and try to emulate in my own writing-- the real bones of a story being in how characters respond to fantastic events as opposed to the fantastic events themselves.

Also, the whole veil spell Roger cast in objectively stupid, and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible. You're telling me that Roger used magic to make Alanna lose interest in doing anything about the obviously evil things he was doing? That's fucking hilarious. You know an editor came back to Pierce and asked her to come up with a reason why Alanna wasn't just going to spring into action at the first sign of Roger trying to kill her, only for Pierce to come up with this. It's so silly. I love it.

Woman Who Rides Like A Man

Did this book age poorly? Yes, but not as badly as I remembered. That's not a stirring defense, and it's really not meant to be.

The Bahzir are a mess of Orientalism, and Pierce definitely deserves criticism for not only the way she wrote them but for the ways in which she frames their cultural practices as something that needs to be fixed. Having Alanna want to force them to change their culture to suit her beliefs is not a great look for both the character and the writer. And that's not even getting into the whole assimilation plotline.

But I did enjoy Pierce's attempts to expand on the definition of womanhood, especially as a part of Alanna learning to embrace femininity. There is this running thread in these last two books of Alanna learning about all the different ways to be a woman and choosing for herself what her gender means to her. It's not done particularly well, and anyone looking for a revolutionary examination of gender roles and identity is going to be sorely disappointed. But there's an attempt here that I can't help but appreciate.

This book is also where Pierce starts to slow the plot down, which lends it to having the most reasonable pacing out of the bunch. That being said, it's also the book where the lack of development for a bunch of the side characters start to hurt. I really wish Gary or Raoul joined Alanna in the desert. Raoul gets his moment in the sun with the Protector of the Small books, but Gary remains largely forgettable. In fact, I spent this entire read-through convinced this man dies at the end of the last book, if only because I can't remember where he appears in any of the other books.

Lioness Rampant

This book somehow has the improved pacing of the third book while still feeling rushed. The quest for the Dominion Jewel really should have been it's own book, if only to give Thayet and Buri more room for development. Thayet in particular really needs her moment to shine, especially when she continues to be an important character in the other series.

But do you know who did get a lot of screen time? Liam.

Remembered shit about this guy before going into this book. I could only vaguely recalled disliking him as a kid, but not as much as I venomously hated Jon. (Speaking of which-- I love the way this man is realistically shitty. Him getting dumped by Alanna is always my favorite scene.) But Liam? Fuck that guy. Holy shit. I give full applause to Pierce for portraying the important milestones every girl goes through growing up, which includes having a situationship that is so shitty that it becomes essential character development.

Roger's return feels very... cheesy? I think Alex should have stepped up to be the final villain on the story. Unlike Roger, Alex was Alanna's friend. They have history. The betrayal would have imbued that final fight with so many more emotions than it ultimately had. I also would have liked Alanna to have at least meaningfully talked to Alex sometime before the climax.

Honestly, it's impressive how reactive Alanna is as a character in the last half of the book. She doesn't seek out how to stop Roger's plan, or fix Thom, or anything. Other characters make plans and she just... waits for something to go wrong.

That being said, by virtue of Alanna's relationships with George, Liam, and Jon all happening sometime in this plot, this book becomes a good place to look to get the full berth of how Pierce handles romances. Which, I love her approach. The romances are never over the top or, for lack of a better word, too romantic. It's very down to earth, with characters dating, marrying, or breaking up for realistic reasons.

Jon and Alanna were friends who broke up because they had different life plans. Liam and Alanna broke up for having fundamentally different values. As much as I bitch about how shitty Jon and Liam are, they're not cartoonishly evil. They're just a little shitty the way most of your exes will be. Jon and Liam are men could find love with someone else. They just aren't suited for Alanna.

Meanwhile, the most romantic things George does are wait for her and be supportive. He doesn't fight or get territorial. He makes his feelings clear, then waits for Alanna's cues. Alanna definitely loves him, but she ends up with him in the end because their lifestyles and core beliefs meld together. There's no grand romantic gesture or whirlwind affairs. They are just a good pair.

I have read stories with far heavier focuses on romance, and none of those couples feel as perfect as Alanna and George. Those stories prioritize all the gooey moments over showing why the main couple should get together. For how little romantic interactions they have, you believe these two could have a successful marriage. Perfect stuff.

---

Over all, I really enjoyed rereading these books. For all my griping, I still love the story. I love Alanna. She's a character who is fundamental to my soul. No matter where I am in life, I will always want to open these books and find her again, to walk back into Tortall and join her on her quest to be a lady knight.

My copies of the series come with forewards from a previous edition. In one of them, Pierce wrote that this series started off as an adult fantasy story that was much darker and edgier. I need to know what that story looks like, what happened in it. Pierce can claim as she wants that she hardly remembers what it looks like, but I refuse to believe that. Release the unedited first draft, Pierce. I am begging you.

#it probably has on screen gay sex for thom and roger #anyway that's the alanna series. the library book i ordered is still not here yet so now I'm off to find another short-ish book to read #this book better come in before june or else i will lose it. i am putting off reading the illiad for this #me rambling #bookish #books and reading #books #bookblr #tortall #song of the lioness #tamora pierce #me reading

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heysweetheart-writes · 27 days

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Welcome to Sentences Sunday!

I am ALIVE! I've had a dreadful cold for like a week and a bit and I'm finally getting better. I'm really sorry about all the tags I missed this past week!

I managed to produce a couple of words for this Holy Sunday of our Lord for you guys! Thank you so much to @kiwiana-writes @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @suseagull04 & @bigassbowlingballhead for the tags!

This is a very random snippet from the neighbours!au that just appeared to me from a conversation I was having with @brokenpartsmightfit about Henry's musical taste. We might not be able to write but damn we can produce an a+ playlist in no time.

Without further ado, this is unchecked, unedited, just something ranom that came to me while I was walking my dog. Enjoy Bea embarassing Henry in front of Alex and and forgive any errors!

“Remember that summer you discovered What’s up? by 4 Non Blondes?” Bea asks much to his embarrassment and Henry just groans and covers his face because he knows there’s no way she’s going to stop. “So the five of us are driving down to our dad’s house in Wales and the song comes up on the radio. Henry looked like he just discovered Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. He asks if anyone knows the song, I tell him and dad has the terrible idea of informing him he actually has the album up in Llwynywormwood. He wouldn’t listen to anything else that summer. It was a nightmare.” “I can’t believe you even remember that. You never said anything.” “You were thirteen years old! I wouldn’t have dared! I had to stop Philip sneaking into your room to break the CD while you were in the shower once! Eventually dad got you an mp3 player when he went into the city to do the food shop. I swear it was the first and last time Pip didn’t complain about not getting a present when someone else did.”

Tags under the cut!

I’m tagging both people I want to see what they’re up to and people I’m hoping will see this snip: @read-and-write- @theprinceandagcd @orchidscript @daisymae-12 @cricketnationrise @pridepages @clottedcreamfudge @anincompletelist @myheartalivewrites @three-drink-amy @zwiazdziarka @callumsmitchells @priincebutt @notspecialbabe @firenati0n @tailsbeth-writes @onward--upward @getmehighonmagic @ninzied @nocoastposts @wordsofhoneydew @14carrotghoul @eusuntgratie @onthewaytosomewhere (this isn't watermelon sugar but you've tagged me this past few games so consider it a tag back!) @brokenpartsmightfit @cha-melodius @itsmaybitheway @sparklepocalypse as usual, sorry if you posted and I missed it and if you don't want to be tagged, let me know!

#rwrb #rwrb fic #my fic #neighbours!au #red white and royal blue #red white & royal blue #firstprince #firstprince fanfiction #firstprince fic

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itslottiehere · 1 year

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i don’t wanna hear about him — h.s

hello beautiful people 🤍 welcome back! i know it’s been a while! but now, i present you a one shot i’m veryyy proud of, and hopefully you’ll find it to your liking as well <3 it’s inspired by harry’s unreleased song, “him.” just fyi, there won’t be a part two of this! as always, please let me know what you think! you can do so in your reblogs, in your tags, or in my asks! your feedback means the world to me. so, without further ado, happy reading! <3

— inspired by “him”, by harry styles

tw: some swear words

word count: 13.5k of pure angst (please get something to drink and tissues)

masterlist | leave your feedback or requests here

6 years before the day.

when harry told her that they were going to attend the same college, she couldn’t believe him. she was sure harry was gonna take a gap year or something, travel around the world, make experiences. all the while she would wait for him patiently, like she always did.

falling for your best friend isn’t the smartest idea, anyone would tell you that. a little of a cliché too, perhaps. but there was nothing she could do against those feelings: they planted their seeds deep into her heart, and bloomed. and they kept doing so.

now, three years into their college career, those feelings had developed deep roots, and it seemed like nothing was ever gonna eradicate them.

but it was fine, she kept telling herself: it hurt, of course it did, but at least she had harry in her life, in some way. there was only one thing of the utmost importance: not letting harry find out.

she knew that if he found out, he would run. that’s what he did every time he was faced with difficult situations, and god if this wouldn’t be one.

so she learned how to mask those feelings, and she got pretty good at that over the course of the years. she couldn’t stand even thinking about not having him in her life, especially as a friend, so if all it took was bottling up her feelings, she would gladly do so.

harry was happy: he was having fun in college and was seeing people whenever he wanted to, enjoying being a bachelor more than anything. and he was in college with his best friend, who was always there to play with his hair whenever he asked her to. he liked the comfort she brought him, and that’s why he didn’t really stop to think about what it could feel like for her, if it had a different meaning for her.

she’d always look at him as if he put the stars in the sky for her, she had nothing but love for him in those eyes. even if she tried sparing glances at him whenever he wasn’t looking, everyone around her noticed. and every time, harry didn’t.

or that was what she had always thought.

actually, and unfortunately, harry did notice, but didn’t know what to do, how to bring up such a topic with a person who he only saw as the best of friends, but nothing more than that.

and maybe, just maybe, he was so arrogant that he loved the attention and didn’t want to deal with the consequences of actually talking about it.

—

5 years before the day.

graduating was scary for her, almost terrifying.

a new beginning, once again. not knowing where life would take her, once again.

and the nagging thought that kept her awake at night, the ones she spent listening to sad love ballads about failed relationships and missed opportunities: would harry still be in her life? she couldn’t help but think that he would move on, and leave her behind on his way to his new life, a memory of his younger years, of the life he wanted to move on from.

harry, on the other hand, was giddy. he didn’t know what the future would hold for him and he couldn’t help but think how exciting this was: a new start, endless possibilities for him to take, no matter how good or bad. “bring it”, he thought.

she started working at a little coffee shop, just to do something after graduation. she could afford a very small apartment, but didn’t care, because it was something that was finally hers, and she was extremely proud of it.

harry liked it too, and bought her a plant and a bottle of cheap champagne the day she got the keys.

“to our new lives”, he toasted, raising his glass.

“to going forward”, she added, a whole different meaning to her words from what harry may have thought.

she really did have a plan to move forward. she knew she had to, the whole thing was becoming more ridiculous each day that passed: harry looked at her as a friend, and that was okay. he had been dating all throughout college, saw people all the time, and she had no real reason to wait for him, not when she knew things wouldn’t ever change.

if only she had ever caught a glimpse of him looking at her the way she looks at him, or a certain touch that could give her even the littlest doubt of him having feelings.

but that didn’t happen, not in high school, not in college. and it was just never gonna happen. she just had to make peace with it.

and she was trying to: she had met a guy, named noah. he came into the coffee shop one afternoon, all wet from the rain. with a tired smile he came up to the counter, and when he looked at her, she could’ve sworn his eyes lit up a little.

he had a goofy grin on his face, his hair sticking to his forehead, and after he mulled a bit on what to order, glancing at the board, he looked back at her and asked her to make him her favorite drink.

she nodded, smiled at him, and told him he could take a seat at a table and wait for her to bring him his order. he smiled again, and went to sit down.

he stayed for a while, almost up until closing time. before going away, noah came up to the counter and kindly asked her “do you happen to have a pen?”. she picked one up and handed it to him, and not even after twenty seconds, he came up to her again, thanked her and gave her the pen back. but not only that: there was also a napkin with his phone number scribbled on it.

she smiled and heard the little bell of the door ringing.

she thinks she will call him.

this had happened about a couple of weeks before. harry didn’t know about noah yet.

—

4 years and 9 months before the day.

she couldn’t believe that she actually started dating someone. it was going slowly, but it was nice. noah was good, he made her laugh and was plenty nice, and as much as this sucked to say, if harry wasn’t going to be her person, then maybe she could be happy with noah.

harry heard about this noah guy a couple of times. she seemed really fond of him, and he can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. she looked happier then he has seen her in a while. maybe she’s moving on, and she deserved it, he thought.

is she really moving on?

—

4 years and 6 months before the day.

she really didn’t want to do this. fighting with harry was her least favorite thing to do.

they kinda lost track on each other in those three months: things began to get more serious with noah, and she actually understood that noah wasn’t second best to harry. he was just another best.

it was a safe love, a sure one; a place where she didn’t have to wonder if that touch was something more than just that, because she knew it was.

it’s nice, she thought, to know that you love and are loved back. it’s nice.

so she put all her energies into that relationship, and she was very glad she did: it felt somewhat refreshing, to finally come out of the shadows, to finally put herself first.

but that didn’t mean she expected her best friend of almost 10 years to move across the globe and not tell her.

he told her by text. a week before he’s supposed to leave.

she told him countless times that some things are not things he was supposed to tell via text messages, and he knew how much she hated it.

“sometimes you gotta suck it up, be brave and tell someone what the deal is.” she always told him. apparently, she spoke in vain.

“Hi! I know this is kind of out of the blue, but I’m moving back to London next week. I don’t know for how long yet, I guess I’ll make the decision once I’m there, but I wanted to ask you if you want to have a coffee or something before I go, and if so, to let me know. I get that you’re busy now.”

she felt like the last line was probably a bit passive aggressive, but she quickly discarded the idea: he had no reason to be acting like that. yes, she had been busy with noah and with her life for once, and she didn’t give him her undivided attention. so was that it? was that the reason he never brought this up before?

before she could even register what she was doing, she was putting her shoes on and grabbing her car keys.

a loud knock from the door had harry look up from his halfway done suitcase. his phone, resting on the nightstand, unlocked, open on their chat.

he couldn’t believe she left him on read. he thought news like that, of him leaving for god knew how long, would be enough to at least get a little of her attention. but alas, he was wrong.

he didn’t know whether he was feeling more sad or disappointed, or angry. why did things had to change? why does he feel a weight on his chest every time she turns down a chance to hang out because she already had plans with noah? why was he feeling like that?

and as always, when things got too hard, what did he do? run. and that was the exact same thing he was doing then.

the pounding on the door didn’t let up, so he said loudly: “give me a second, i’m coming.”

he jogged to the door and opened it, not even having the time to actually understand what was happening: she stormed in, moving to stand into his living room, her arms crossed and the most furious look harry had ever seen on her face.

he was a bit shocked to see her there, in a place she hadn’t been to in almost three months. he didn’t really know what to say.

“hi.” harry said almost questioningly.

“you’re leaving for london for you don’t know how long and you didn’t even have the gall to tell me in person?” she was practically seething, her face stony, but her eyes burning into his.

“i-uh, i knew you were-“

“don’t even try to repeat that “i’ve been busy”. you know it’s a big change, a fucking huge one, and you choose to tell me in a fucking text?” the volume of her voice was increasingly raising. “what is wrong with you?”

that set harry off. “what is wrong with me?” he stepped forward. “am i the one who disappeared on you for three months? am i the one who ignored you the few times we actually got to hang out because i was too distracted by my boyfriend, who couldn’t help but text me while he knew i was out?” he was almost screaming, a tone of his voice she had never heard before, and hoped she never had to again.

even if she didn’t know if there was anything else left to be said between them after this fight.

“you are-“ she scoffed. “you are something else.”

she often told him that phrase, whenever he did or said something she couldn’t believe, but it was always followed by a laugh. this time, though, a laugh was the last thing on her mind.

“when for once in- what, almost 10 years of friendship - i stop putting you on a fucking pedestal and put myself first, you start acting like a spoiled little kid? really?” she was in disbelief, she couldn’t believe the audacity he had to say that.

“i’m not-”

“oh but you are, you fucking are. and you know what makes my blood boil?” she paused and almost murmured her next words. “the fact that you never realized that you pulled this shit on me all the time, every single time you got into a relationship: once you’d find a partner, you’d put me on the back burner. and what did i always do?” she pointed her finger towards him for the next sentence. “i’d always let you. wanna know why? because i knew that once you get into a relationship, you need to cut some time with just the other person. and i always let you do whatever you wanted, never once complaining.”

she shook her head, closed her eyes, and went on. “and now that i am the one in a relationship with a guy who loves me, who makes me feel happy and safe, who i’m sure is not gonna bolt as soon as i don’t give him my undivided attention, you’re here pointing your finger at me because you haven’t been my priority these last couple of months?” if she hadn’t closed her eyes, she would’ve seen harry visibly cringing at the concept of “love” associated by her to noah. even he couldn’t really understand why it hit him so hard.

“let me just-” he tried to talk back but was once again interrupted by her.

“no, i won’t let you, because i don’t need to hear anything from you: the way you behaved in making such a life changing decision already told me a lot of how highly you think of me.” the phrase was dowsed in sarcasm.

she went towards the door, grabbed the handle and as she was about to walk out of that apartment and possibly his life, she turned back and told him one last thing. “i guess it’s good to know who’s the one who’s always gonna leave at the littlest inconvenience.”

she slammed the door on her way out.

she walked home, silent and angry tears streaming down her face. she had never been that mad in her life, and especially never with harry, but no matter how angry she felt, she was at least twice as sad. she was always afraid of this happening, of them on not being friends and going their separate ways, and knowing her biggest fear had become a horrible reality, was making her spiral.

she knew her anger was her mind’s way of softening the blow, of making her think that somehow she wasn’t the reason she was gonna lose her best friend, that harry made the decision for the both of them by hiding the move from her.

she knew all of this, and her anger quickly dissipated, leaving room for pure sadness to take over.

grabbing her phone, she quickly typed a message.

to noah:

“can’t come out tonight, i'll see you later”

noah responded almost immediately.

“Oh okay, that’s fine! If you need anything, I’m right here for you :)”

yeah, he was there. he was the one who was staying.

she put her phone away, and kept walking home.

harry stayed put on that spot right outside the living room for at least 5 minutes after she left.

she left, she left, she left.

he didn’t know what he was feeling. jealousy, anger, sadness, disappointment, surprise, resentment, regret, shame of himself, he was feeling it all.

he hated that she didn’t let him talk, that she didn’t let him explain why he was leaving.

but when he actually thought about it, what was he gonna tell her? why was he really leaving? was it really the grad school he applied to? couldn’t he find one just as good there? did he really have to put all that distance between them to attend some school?

he knew the answer. he knew, but running away was easier than facing the truth.

he went back to his room, head hanging low, not sure on what to do. he walked in and looked at the half made bag, the clothes messily thrown in there. he sighed, picked it up and moved it from the bed. he went to get his journal, hidden in the little drawer of his nightstand.

it was an old leather journal, one he had ever since he was a teen, a place for him to express himself in a way that he couldn’t do with simple sentences and words, where he could scribble all kind of thoughts, draw some doodles, write some quotes from someone else that he liked, and sometimes some of his own.

he chose a blank page, picked up his pen, and started writing what he couldn’t tell her, what he could barely admit to himself.

“so you were right, there’s always two:

the one who stays, and the one who’s leaving you.

hear me out, my apologies,

‘cause i’m not here for sympathy.”

—

4 years and 5 months and 3 weeks before the day.

he was leaving in a matter of hours. she knew that, but her pride still wouldn’t let her make the first step. during that week, she got to know the reason why he was leaving, thanks to an old classmate who somehow found out: he got into an amazing grad school, and she immediately knew there was no reason for him to turn down such an opportunity.

she knew she didn’t let him explain why he was leaving, and she regretted that, but that didn’t change the main problem: he was mad at her because she stopped being at his beck and call. he was so used to her putting him first than anyone else — especially herself — and now that she didn’t, he behaved like a spoiled little kid.

harry knew how much she cared for him, and how she would’ve dropped anything if he was ever in need. he knew and he used that knowledge somewhat against her: it felt like he saw as an ornament, that he could put up on a shelf and leave there to collect dust when he was bored and pick her back up once he was done with other ornaments. she felt disposable. she felt that that’s what she was to harry.

she tried, she tried so hard to convince herself that it wasn’t the case, that harry missed her because he cared about her as a person and not because he saw her as someone he was used to.

but he was leaving in a matter of hours, and she didn’t hear from him ever since she stormed out of his apartment.

it was around 2am, and sleep just wouldn’t come to her. she didn’t know at what time his flight would leave, if he packed all the things if he was gonna need, if he remembered to pack the journal she has seen plenty of times but was never lucky enough to read. she knew it was like a safety blanket for him, that he brought it with him basically anywhere.

she kept turning in her bed, not able to find a comfortable position. she sighed, turned on her right side and faced the window of her bedroom. the sky was a deep blue, but clear.

“maybe the flight will be smooth, then” she thought.

she sighed, closed her eyes and begged sleep to come, but her mind was racing, mostly with the knowledge that her best friend was gonna leave and maybe never come back. and that he didn’t even think about apologizing to her, that he’d rather leave everything than face-

the sound of something hitting her bedroom window stopped her train of thoughts. was it hailing? no, it couldn’t be, the sky was clear.

she groaned and got up from her bed, put her arms around herself to somewhat maintain a little of the warmth she had in bed, and walked to look outside her window.

and who could be there, if not her dumbass of a best friend?

harry crouched down to pick up a few more pebbles, not ones big enough to break her window or else she would have a whole other reason to hate him.

his flight was at 10, so he still had a little time left and he couldn’t go away before seeing her. it was hard for him, to admit that he was in the wrong, that he was such an arrogant son of a bitch that he’d rather lose his best friend than admit he was jealous.

not that he’d admit that to her, he knew that much. but he also knew he had to apologize, even if it was at the last second.

once he found some good pebbles, he stood up and was getting ready to throw one once again. but at the window stood her, in her plaid pjs bottoms, looking at him.

he gave her a timid smile, and she gestured with her hand for him to come upstairs.

she waited at her door, not knowing what to do. what was she gonna say? was it gonna be a nice moment or was it gonna be another fight? why was she feeling anxious with harry, the one person she never felt anxious with? she didn’t like feeling like this, not at all.

harry was waiting at her doorstep. if it was a different occasion, he would’ve used the set of keys she had made for him; but this wasn’t that kind of occasion, and maybe at the end of this night, if it didn’t go as he planned, he would’ve had to leave them there. he shook his head, trying to clear his mind, and raised his fist to knock on the door, but it opened before he could make contact with it.

she stood there, almost timidly, unsure of what was gonna happen.

“hi.” he murmured.

she finally looked at him, her eyes tired, but, heartbreakingly enough for harry, not with sleep. “hi. please, come in.” she moved aside, and let him in.

harry murmured a small /‘thank you’/, and moved inside. he was standing right in the middle of the room, not knowing where to go, not knowing if he was even welcome in that place anymore.

she looked at him kinda funnily, tilted her head and said: “you know you can also not stand there like a statue and-”

“i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry, darling.” he murmured, shaking his head slightly. “i’ve been a shit friend and what i did is awful, and i know this apology doesn’t mean anything, but-”

“harr-” she tried to interrupt.

“no, please, let me talk this time.” he said, and moved to sit on the couch. “you were right, i behaved like a brat. i’ve never done anything this wrong before, i know i screwed up and i know i let you down.” he took a deep breath. “i just want you to know that i’m not moving because of you and noah, but because i got accepted in this school in london,-”

“i- uh, i know.” she gulped. “congratulations.”

he was kind of surprised, “oh, you know?” she nodded. “well, yeah- so i got into this school and i was very happy about it, but it killed me that i couldn’t celebrate that with you. and i’m not saying it was your fault, because it was definitely mine: i wanted you to be around 24/7 like it always has been and it was wrong of me. i’m happy for you and noah seems like an amazing guy, and you deserve nothing less. i’m so sorry.” he ended, looking deep into her eyes.

she went to sit down next to him, “can i talk now?” he nodded. “i accept your apology. i know it was hard for you to admit you were wrong, and i really appreciate it.” she took a breath. “i’m sad you didn’t tell me, yes. but what hurts me the most was feeling like i was disposable to you.”

harry winced at that. “please, don’t say that, you’re killing me.”

she turned around to face him better. “i’m sorry, but it’s true, that’s how i felt. i know you don’t see me that way, i know it now, but it sure felt like it. to me, it was /‘hey, i’m moving to this cool place for however long and i didn’t care about telling you until the last second. see ya!’/” she took a breath, and went on. “but i’m glad you came here, and that you said all the things you said. thank you.”

harry lowered his head. “you shouldn’t have to thank me.” he murmured. “you didn’t deserve the way i treated you.”

“yeah,” she nodded, “you’re right, i didn’t. but you apologised and i accepted it. so now instead of being all sad, why don’t you tell me more about this fancy school?” she smiled, getting more comfortable on the couch.

he smiled right back at her, and started talking about what the future had in store for him.

we’ll be alright, he thought.

they kept talking all night, laughing at the memories and full of faith in the future. harry stayed there as long as he could, soaking up all of /her/ he could get, but around 5am, their time was up: harry had to get ready for the airport, and she had to open at the coffee shop in a couple of hours.

“so” he gulped, “i guess this is goodbye.”

“c’mon harry, don’t be so sad.” she smiled softly, although she was breaking a bit inside. but she added, “it’s not like we won’t see each other anymore! i’ll visit, you’ll visit, we’ll facetime all the time - oh, let’s make a pact! if not every night, at least 4 times a week we have to facetime. deal?”

harry smiled, and nodded. “deal.”

we’ll be alright, she thought.

they hug goodbye at the door, clinging to each other a little longer than usual. this wasn’t a goodbye, he wasn’t leaving her, this was just a see you later. he hoped she knew that.

now, it was time for the next chapter, for the both of them.

—

3 years and 1 month before the day.

“harry? can you hear me?”

“yeah, just a sec-”

“as much as i love your ceiling, i’d like to see your face. what, did you get a haircut? is it bad?”

“no, you little shit, give me a second.” she could hear the smile on his lips. “here- there you go, i’m here.” he adjusted his phone, so she could see him well enough.

“hi! no haircut i see.” she smiled. “that’s for the better, i’ve always loved your long hair.” that sentence made harry’s heart flutter. it seemed that’s the only reaction it had whenever she was involved.

“i know you did, who can forget the tears you shed when i cut it short?” he smiled smugly.

she was immediately offended. “hey! it was the perfect length for me to braid it, you looked so pretty. my reaction was more than justified.” she pouted.

“alright, alrig-”

“baby? here’s your tea.” a deeper voice came through his speaker. of fucking course.

her face lit up as soon as the person who spoke came into the room. “ah, thanks baby!” she puckered her lips, and noah gave her a soft quick peck, before realising she wasn’t alone.

“oh hi harry!” noah waved. “how’s it going? everything good?”

harry swallowed his envy and his jealousy, barely. “yeah-” he cleared his voice. “yeah, everything is good. you?”

“oh yeah, thank you! i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to interrupt.” he smiled a bit embarrassed. “i didn’t realise it was facetime time, but i’ll get out of your hair immediately. bye harry!” he said louder, and then added softly. “bye dear.” he gave her a quick peck on the top of her head, and left the room.

she didn’t stop smiling throughout the whole interaction. and that made harry’s blood boil. but it wasn’t the time to be upset now, now that she was in front of him.

“sorry, since he moved in we are trying to figure out a schedule for the both of us, i forgot he got off early today.” she said softly.

yeah, he moved in. she broke the news to harry a couple of weeks before and he had to pretend to be thrilled about it. he couldn’t help it: not even being oceans apart from her helped him ease the pain, and also the fact that he had been gone for over a year didn’t make this any easier.

“it’s okay.” he said, pretending. “how’s it going with you guys?” he’d prefer a stake through his heart rather than hearing her response, but he also knew he had to ask, being her friend. what if she wasn’t happy?

“oh, it’s amazing.” she smiled. “it’s just like- getting extra time with your best friend, you know? like, you know when you are out with a friend and you just don’t want to leave them and go home?” he nodded. he felt that way every time he hang out with her, and harry wanted to smack his old self for not doing something about it when he had the chance. “and now, i don’t have to wish for him to not leave, because he’s here! so yeah, it’s pretty great.”

he nodded silently, a soft smile on his lips. even if all he wanted was to be noah right then, he couldn’t help but be excited for her: she was so happy, happier than he had ever seen her. “that’s amazing, love. you deserve it.”

she smiled as well, “thank you, harry. and i finally don’t have to fight with someone who steals all the covers and leaves me in the cold!” she added, trying to lighten the mood.

he pretended to be shocked and offended. “okay, that happened one— or two times if we’re exaggerating, and it was cold! i had to!”

their banter went back and forth for a little while, laughing like always. harry tried to ignore the heartache the thought of them being all domestic gave him, at least up until they’d end their call. so he pushed his thoughts aside, and focused on enjoying the company of his best friend.

“alright, i’m afraid i have to go now.” she pouted. “but i’ll talk to you tomorrow, or in the following days? just- whenever you want! alright?”

“yeah, of course.” he smiled. “goodbye, darling. talk soon.”

“goodbye, harry.”

“bye.”

once the call ended, harry threw his head back, groaning. why did it all have to be so difficult? why couldn’t he have realised how he really felt before? why couldn’t he have realised it when he slept over at her place, when he could feel her hair on his face, her body close to his? why couldn’t he have realised it before she fell for someone who didn’t steal all the covers?

as all the other times when his thoughts were too loud, he opened his desk drawer and looked for his — now even more — worn leather journal, flipping to the pages to /that/ particular page, and got his pen ready. the ink flowed easily on the paper.

“cause i don’t want to hear about him,

how he’s holding you better at night.”

—

1 year and 4 months before the day.

“what the fuck?” she screamed through the speaker. “what the actual fuck? when?”

he chuckled. “in a couple of months. i thought it was better telling you face to face, or at least through a phone call, rather than a text.”

“and you were right! oh my god, i can’t believe you’re coming home in two months.” he couldn’t see her face, but he could hear she was smiling. she went on, voice a bit quieter this time around. “for good? are you coming home for good?”

“technically, the UK is my home-”

“oh shut it, styles.” she interrupted. “you know what i mean.” he did. and he knew that home was the right term, because home was wherever she was.

“yeah, for good i think, or at least for a long while.” he said, stopping at a red light.

his brakes made a screeching sound, telling her exactly what he was doing.

“wait- are you driving? it’s not safe! i’m ending the call, we’ll talk once-”

“hey, slow down. i am driving, and you’re on speaker. i called you as soon as i was out of the office because i couldn’t hold it in any longer.” he said, smiling.

“aw, you’re cute when you want to.” she breathed a laugh. “but now, let’s talk business: your homecoming party!”

“as i said, since i’m from the UK, i’m actually already-”

“oh, fuck off!”

—

1 year and 2 months before the day.

“noah, kill the lights! everyone hide and be quiet!”

“yes, ma’am.” one of their friends whispered.

she had been behaving a bit like a drill sergeant, but she couldn’t care less: her best friend was finally coming home and nothing — absolutely nothing — could go wrong. she missed him so much, and she couldn’t wait to share the news.

just not tonight, because tonight was all about him and him only.

her phone screen lit up, an incoming call from harry. she swiped her finger on the screen and answered him. “hello?”

“hey! i’m almost at your place, are you home? i didn’t see your car.” that was because she had carefully parked it a couple of blocks from her apartment to sell her story.

“yeah, sorry, i got caught up at work! i’ll be home in a little bit, i’ll try to get out of here as soon as possible! i’m so sorry.” she lied through her teeth.

“no, uh, don’t be- it’s fine.” he sounded a bit sad and perhaps disappointed.

all was going according to plan.

“please, go in! i don’t know if you still have your key, but there’s one under the doormat!; make yourself at home!”

“of course i still have it, what do you think?” he chuckled. “alright, i’m going up the stairs, i’ll see you soon.”

“alright! bye for now!”

“bye bye.” harry murmured, ending the call. he put his phone in his back pocket, before jogging up the last flight of stairs. once he was in front of the door, he took out his keys, but stopped. “please, don’t let noah be home.” he thought.

he put the key in the lock, turned it to open the door, and walked in the place that felt like home more than anywhere in the world.

as he was closing the door, the lights came up. “what the-”

“SURPRISE!!” her living room was filled with their friends, all smiling at him. but he only saw one face in the midst of them, because her smile was brighter than all the others.

“fuck me, you guys were about to make me drop dead on the floor.” he chuckled and the others joined him. he pointed his finger towards his best friend, “you fucker.”

“welcome home, harry!” she said smiling, going towards him to wrap him in a hug.

he was home.

the party was going splendidly: almost everyone was tipsy, someone more than the others — harry talked to everyone who was there, but all he really wanted was to talk to her.

“it’s nice seeing your face in real life.” he slurred, a bit intoxicated.

“oh well, thank you, i guess?” she smiled, and reached for her drink.

and that’s when the light hit something sparkly on her finger, and harry’s heart fell to his stomach. his mouth dry, his eyes unblinking.

“what is that?” he murmured, so low she could barely hear it.

she frowned, and followed his line of sight. when she understood what he was looking at, she quickly lowered her hand to her side. “fuck, i forgot to take it off before you came here.” she looked up at him with her eyes wide.

did she plan on keeping this hidden from me? he couldn’t understand what was going on, his mind was spinning from the news, and the alcohol in his system wasn’t helping.

“i wanted to tell you the news in person, but i wanted tonight to be just about you! i was gonna tell you tomorrow or in the following days, fuck i screwed it all up now.” she groaned and put her hand on her eyes.

harry shook his head, trying to find his voice. “no, no, it’s okay.” he breathed a deep breath. “congratulations.”

she looked at him with a crooked smile. “thank you, harry.” she paused. “i’m still mad at myself, it was supposed to be a cute moment, i had it all planned out! i was gonna take you to breakfast and tell you and then i even wrote you a little riddle to ask you to be my best-” she slapped her hand over her mouth. “oh fuck! i can’t believe i literally ruined it all now!”

well, wasn’t it just the cherry on top of the sundae of awful that was his life?

not only did he have to watch the girl of his dreams get married: he literally had a front row seat at the altar.

his head was spinning so fast he could barely think straight, the realisation that he lost her, that he lost all his chances to have her as more than a friend, that he threw away all the possibilities he had, all of this broke his heart in two. nothing he went through ever hurt him like this, nothing ever made him want to throw up, cry, scream and runaway all at once.

he didn’t know what to say, what to feel: he knew noah was good to her and that she deserved nothing less, so why was he so angry? was he such a selfish idiot that he couldn’t even be happy for his best friend?

“so, since it’s all out, would you be my best man?” she asked him, her eyes full of hope staring at him.

and what could he do if not say yes?

he didn’t stay long at the party after the big news blew up in his face, leaving with the excuse of being jet lagged. he tried telling noah he would drive back by himself — he really did — but the man wouldn’t stand down, saying he had drunk too much and it was not safe for him to drive in that moment.

harry would have loved nothing more than to find a string of bad qualities in him, in order to make her leave him, but there was nothing: noah was a good guy, a good friend and evidently an even better boyfriend.

asshole.

the drive back to his place was embarrassing, silent and just weird, but probably it was more for harry than for noah. once they got to his place, harry basically jumped out of the car, murmuring a low “goodnight”.

but before driving away, noah rolled down the car window and called after him.

“hey, harry!” harry turned around, hoping this would be over soon. he went on, “i just wanted to say i’m very happy you’re back, and that i’m glad you’re her best man. she was so excited about asking you.” noah smiled. “just- thank you in advance for everything. i know you’ll be on the receiving end of her wedding planning freak outs.” he chuckled.

harry nodded slowly, feeling emptier and emptier inside. “of course, no problem. bye.”

noah waved and pulled up his car window.

once the car drove away, harry rushed into his apartment, and slammed the door.

he couldn’t help but let the tears run free, finally letting his pain overtake him. his breath was coming out in small puffs, and he couldn’t control the agonising sounds he was letting out. it felt like he was living his worst nightmare, and actually he really was.

he knew. he had known all those years, he knew she was in love with him. and he always ignored it — “for the friendship”, he told himself. and of course, he only realised his love for her when she moved on. when she found someone who loved her as much as she loved him.

maybe if i try harder to be a better person, a better friend for her. he thought.

maybe if i did something differently.

but perhaps, the best way for him to be a better friend was being there for her as her best friend and best man, and to not interfere. he would have to put his feelings aside, and accept that he had a chance — multiple ones, at that — and didn’t take it. and he didn’t really have the right to cry now that he was too late. now that he realised that this was how she must’ve felt all those years.

he stood up, and went to his half unpacked bedroom, and picked up his journal. the page was easy to find now, a picture of them signalling the pages filled with his regret.

the ink flowed easily, and so did the tears.

“do you know what it’s like to fall in love from the outside?

and i don’t know, but i've been trying for you, for me.

now i know what it’s like to fall in love from the outside.”

—

6 months and 1 week before the day.

“i swear to god, if this shop doesn’t have a nice dress i’m getting married in sweats.”

harry laughed at her. “c’mon now, you drama queen.”

she turned to look at him, shocked at his reaction. “easy for you to say, mister. you just have to find a tux that fits or wear one you already have! i don’t happen to have a white dress with a big puffy skirt in my wardrobe, unfortunately.”

harry smiled at her antics: this was definitely not the first freak out about the wedding. a couple of months before it was the invitations, and the debate on what shade of white was the best one to pick. harry got a bunch of smacks to his head because he couldn’t see the difference between a pearly white and a less pearly white. shocking.

saying she was stressed was a huge understatement, she could plan everything till the last detail, but you never know how many things could go wrong: you could lose your veil, the flowers may not be delivered, the dress could get stained… so many things he couldn’t have control on and it was driving her crazy.

and now, the next mission was finding the right dress. all the ones she had tried on were either too big, too small, too sexy, too modest, or made her look like a meringue. and the stress was getting to her, because she had been more whiny than usual and she could cry at the idea of trying on yet another dress.

but there was one last shop they had to look at, and she hoped it would be where she could find the dress of her dreams.

the shop was filled to the brim with white gowns, and harry was praying to god they would find the dress. he was sat down on one of those comfy sofas, two older ladies following the bride-to-be in the changing room, getting her ready for him to see the dresses.

she came out and from the look on her face, harry could tell she was most definitely not amused, but refrained from talking her thoughts out loud so not to make the shop assistants feel bad.

“we’ll be right over, dear. just call us if or when you want to try on another dress.” the woman on her right gave her arm a light squeeze, and walked away with her colleague.

she turned around to look at harry, shoulders slumped, a frown on her face.

“i look awful, don’t i?”

you never do, he thought. “why do you say that?” he said.

“it’s all wrong: the skirt is wrong, the neckline isn’t good, i hate the way my arms look in this, it’s just- ugh.” she sighed.

harry could see how she was getting worked up, so he told her what he always did whenever she was going crazy about the wedding: “hey, take a deep breath. c’mon.” he did the exercise with her. “breathe in - 1, 2, 3, 4. keep it in - 1, 2, 3, 4. and, breathe out - 1, 2, 3, 4. that’s it, keep going.”

she did this a couple more times, and she could feel herself calm down.

“oof- okay. i think i’m ready to try on a couple more dresses. would you mind calling the ladies for me?”

“of course. go back in there, i’ll be right here.” he squeezed her hand, and went to find the shop assistants.

after trying three more dresses, she was tired and mostly disappointed. she just wanted to get over with this dress hunt, so after the third failure, she turned to harry. “okay, i’m done. i’m getting out of this and i wanna go home.”

harry nodded. “okay, whatever you want.. but may i propose something?” he inquired. “can i see if i can find a dress for you? just- give me five minutes, and if you don’t like it we’ll be on our way. okay?”

“mmh. okay.”

so off he went.

and boy, did he found a dress. he knew he hit the jackpot, and couldn’t wait to see how she looked in it. almost jumping on the couch from the excitement, he patiently waited.

she was definitely worth the wait.

it was a bit bigger, and he knew she’d want to make some alterations, but he also knew there wasn’t a dress more perfect for her.

she was beaming with joy. a smile so big it must’ve hurt her cheeks, but she didn’t care. that was the dress.

up until she saw the price tag.

“goddamn, styles, did you really have to find it in the priciest part of the shop?” she exclaimed and harry looked confused, so she continued. “i couldn’t get this dress in my wildest dreams! it’s too much.”

harry stood up and went to stand behind her, in front of the mirror, and put his hands on her shoulders. “i’m sure if you cut a little on some things, you can afford this. god, i would even pay for what you can’t pay yourself. just- look at you. you’re beautiful.” he looked at her eyes reflecting on the mirror, and saw the darker pinkish shade that coloured her cheeks.

“i do look nice, don’t i?” she scrunched her nose and smiled.

“plenty nice.” harry smiled back.

and so the dress was found, at last. she talked to the store ladies for the alterations and such, and afterwards harry walked her home.

“thank you, H. i can’t believe you found my dress!”

“hey, my last name is “styles” after all, isn’t it?”

she looked at him, jaw dropped. “jesus christ, that was worse than your knock knock jokes.”

harry went back to his apartment, ready to finally let his walls down and stop pretending seeing her in that white dress wasn’t making him want to die.

“god, what a mess.”

the rest of the day went by, he was just about to make dinner when the doorbell rang. he wasn’t expecting company, but maybe it was his 83-year-old neighbour needing something.

he went to open the door, and he wasn’t expecting to find his best friend standing there, her face stained with tears, makeup running down from her eyes.

“may i come in?” she murmured, voice broken. harry felt his knees buckle, all he wanted was to hug her and make her problems go away. but that was the thing; what had happened to reduce her to this state?

harry moved to the side. “of course, please.”

she made her way into his home, so warm, so familiar. she asked him if she could go to the restroom to freshen up, so now he was waiting for her in his bedroom, as always when they had to talk over things.

once she came into his view, he saw that her cheeks were still flushed, her nose red and her make up still a bit smudged. he pat the bed and silently invited her to sit down, so she could talk about whatever was wrong.

she sat down and kept quiet for a couple of minute, until the silent tears began streaming once again.

“god, i’m so sorry.” she sniffled. “i must seem so ridiculous right now.”

harry shook his head. “no, no, absolutely not. just- what happened?” did something happen with noah? was she safe?

“it’s nothing with noah, that i can tell you. or i don’t know, maybe it is at some capacity. it’s just-” she sighed, and closed her eyes in order not to break down again. “i’m a bit overwhelmed, i guess? the dress shop called to tell me that they’d have the dress back in a couple of weeks so i could go in and try it. and while i should be ecstatic about that, all i felt was anxiety: i couldn’t breathe and i was thinking that maybe this was all happening too fast and that perhaps it’s better to call off all of this and just reschedule it.” she took a deep breath, and added lowly. “or maybe just call it off for good.”

harry’s mind was spinning, this was his chance, to swoop in and get the girl.

but he didn’t want to. because it wasn’t right, to her first and foremost. but also to him, because if she wanted to be with him, to really be with him, she had to be in the right state of mind.

plus, he would never, ever do something this manipulating to anyone, especially not her.

“i see. uhm- i, i don’t really know what to say.” he paused, while she wiped her eyes, getting makeup all over her hands and around her eyes. “i just want you to know that i’m always here for you, and that if you change your mind i’ll be the one driving the getaway car.” he tried to make a joke, and he succeeded in making her crack a smile through the tears. “i want you to be sure of what you do, whether it’s getting married, rescheduling or calling it off. and i also want you to know that getting cold feet is absolutely normal before any big change. and god, this is a huge one.”

“it’s just- what if it’s not what i want it to be, what i want my marriage to look like? what if it all changes?” she inquired.

“why would it change? it’s just a title, instead of boyfriend and girlfriend, you’ll be husband and wife. you can see it as just that, if that’s what makes you worry.”

“but what if i’m not enough for him? what if he’s not enough for me? what if we end up resenting each other down the line?” she sniffled and accidentally wiped her hands on his sheets, leaving a trail of makeup in its wake. “fuck, i’m sorry. damn it.”

“don’t worry about that.” harry smiled softly. “as for the rest, i’m not sure i’m the guy you should be talking to right now. i’m not married-” and i’m not the one you’re marrying, he wanted to add. “but i know that communication is the key in relationships, and even if it’s hard at times, it’s the right thing to do. who knows, maybe noah is having the same doubts? maybe he’s scared as well and doesn’t know if he should or should not talk to you about it?”

she seemed to sober up little by little, understanding that harry was right, that she needed to talk to noah and work it all through with him, no matter the outcome. so she nodded, and agreed with harry. “yeah, yeah you’re right, i should talk it over with noah. i’m sorry for all of this.” she breathed a smile. “god, i’m such a mess.”

“hey, none of that. it’s fine and absolutely normal to have doubts, i’m glad you came to me.” he smiled. “want me to walk you home?”

“no, no, i drove here, i’m good.” she looked up to him, opened her ams and took him in a hug. once her face was right next to his ear, she said softly “you really are my best man, do you know that?”

not good enough to be the one you want to spend your life with, clearly. “thanks.”

night came and enveloped his room, but sleep refused to close his eyes: harry was twisting and turning, scared of the future for the first time in his life. it was all getting so close, too close and too fast. he wasn’t ready to lose her, he wasn’t ready to wave goodbye any future they could have had together.

he wasn’t ready, and yet did nothing to change it. the only thing he did was picking up that damn journal, and adding to the lines he had already written.

“that nice dress in my wildest dreams,

lipstick stains you left still on my sheets.”

—

2 months and 6 days before the day.

“what about shots?”

“yeah!” various voices exclaimed.

“god, no.”

“harry, i planned this bachelorette party two months early because i didn’t want to be hangover close to the wedding. c’mon old man!” she tugged his arm to make him stand up and accompany her to the bar, and harry scoffed.

“can’t believe i have to force you to do shots, it was always the way around.” she huffed while struggling to guide him to the bar.

harry laughed through his nose. “that was because we were younger. you’re gonna hate yourself tomorrow morning, and i’m gonna hate you too if you force me to drink my body weight.”

“okay grandpa.” she said in a deep voice, mocking his accent.

so, shots they did. god, so many shots.

they were giggling like teenagers, as if they were back to their college days.

she had missed the feeling, and harry couldn’t not feel the same.

they couldn’t talk without laughing every two sentences, and each others laugh made the other laugh even harder, and so it became an endless cycle of hysterical laughter that didn’t let them breathe.

“so, bride to be,” harry slurred, dopey smile adorning his face. “how are we feeling about the big day?”

she took another shot, squinted her eyes from the burn, and answered, voice as slurred as his. “we are feeling good right now.” she laughed. “very good. i’m happy.”

“good, good.” harry nodded, his voice unconvincing.

“hey, look at me.” she grabbed his chin and turned his face to face her. “are you-” she stopped, and stared at him for a second. “god, you have amazing eyes, you know that?”

harry laughed and squinted his eyes, “okay, now i’m sure you’re wasted.” he tore himself away from her hands, even if he didn’t want to.

“heyyyy, am not!” she said, faking offence. “what makes you say that?”

“because, silly, you always used to say that when we were partying in college. once you said i had “amazing eyes”, i knew it was time to take you home.”

“aw, look at you, knowing all about me.” she singsonged. “you’re the best of friends, you know that?” she grinned. “any man, woman, anyone would be lucky to have you by their side, bub. i mean it.”

harry smiled, but his heart sunk a little.

yeah, anyone. anyone, but you.

“thank you, darling. no more drinks for you, though.”

“aw, you’re such a buzzkill.” she whined. “maybe just another one? just one, i promise!”

getting home was hard, knowing he was gonna be alone was even harder. only his journal was waiting for him, laying on the opposite side of his bed, the words already ready to fill up those pages.

“when i hear “amazing eyes”,

it breaks my heart evеry time.”

—

3 weeks and 2 days before the day.

“hey! come on in.” harry stepped aside to let her make her way in. “and you brought chinese food!”

“yeah well, i figured you’d be hungry.” she came in, left the food onto the kitchen table and started taking her coat off. “and i also had to bribe you with something for the favour i need to ask you.”

harry took her coat and her scarf and went to place it on his bed. “of course you’d be nice to me just because you need something.” he scoffed. “what a friend you are.”

“hey, it’s not true! i’m always nice to you, but i really need help and we both know you’re the one who has a better way with words between the two of us.”

harry came back to the kitchen, where she was setting the table. the scene looked and felt so domestic, so homey. so heartbreakingly familiar. “and how would you know?”

she laughed while opening up the containers. “are you kidding? i always saw you writing in that worn leather journal in school. maybe it was your diary, but i wouldn’t know because /someone/ would never let me read anything from it.”

“that’s because you’re nosy and that journal is private.” he grabbed the plates. “c’mon now, i’m starving. we can talk about what you need help with while we eat.”

so, apparently what she needed help with was writing her wedding vows.

her fucking wedding vows.

harry almost choked on his food when she spoke.

“your-” he gulped. “your wedding vows?”

help with your promises, your deepest declarations of love for a man with whom you’re gonna spend your life? a man who’s gonna wake up to you every morning while i become the sad uncle to your beautiful children? really?

“yeah! i’m desperate, i wouldn’t have asked you if i wasn’t in deep shit right now. i’m going crazy and the wedding is getting close and i don’t know what to do other than beg for your help, so please, please-” she was getting worked up.

she had tried to do that by herself, she really did: she just couldn’t put any words down, not any that sounded good anyway. which is why harry was her last resort, she knew he was modest, but he had a way with words.

his good looks got him with people through college, yes, but the boy was a smooth talker. people were drawn to him by the looks, but they were truly captured by his words.

so, who better then the guy she used to have a crush on for years to help her write her promises to her future husband? yeah, the situation was desperate.

“uhm.” harry scratched the back of his head. how the hell was he supposed to help her with such a thing? “i- i just don’t know if-”

“hey, it’s fine if you don’t want to. i can just try to look up on the internet.” she smiled, not a real smile. “i just- i guess i wanted them to be special. and it kills me i can’t do this by myself.” she shrugged, as if it didn’t matter, but harry could see how much this thing made her sad.

“no, uhm- it’s okay. i think we can work on something.”

as soon as he said those words, she smiled big, and harry knew he made the right choice. “thank you so much, harry. thank you. you have no idea how much this means to me.”

so now they were on the couch, brainstorming ideas.

“so, i said you want the vows to be more personal, obviously. so maybe, something about what you did together? like, what about your first date?”

“oh yeah, it was nice! i invited him over to make some brownies for maddie’s birthday party, do you remember?” did he remember? he fucking suggested it. they would always bake the cakes, or any sweets, for their friends’ birthdays, but that day he was busy — had a date with a person he wanted to go out with for so long, and it ended up being mind-blowingly boring — so he suggested she invites noah over to help her out.

and then that was it.

he still would curse himself for that stupid idea, for suggesting that date, for suggesting a thing that was usually just for the two of them as a date with another person. he was jealous, incredibly so, and he just wished she had him in his mind whenever he thought about that date. he was selfish, and he knew that, but that’s what anger and envy brings you to do.

“yeah, i remember.” he nodded. “then maybe you can write down about that.”

“i remember how we ended up making the brownies all too runny.” she laughed. “and i had more flour in our hair than the one we ended up using for the baking. it was such a lovely date.” still smiling, she looked up to him. “it kinda made me remember how we used to bake for our friends, we’d always make it end in a food fight. it was so fun.”

harry nodded, a bit cocky in knowing that what he wanted — for her to remember him when she thought about that first date. “i bet it was.”

they went on, sharing ideas and lines back and forth, until she could see harry’s eyes closing. “okay H, time for me to leave you alone and make you go to sleep. let me just help you with the stuff in the kitchen.” she stood up and went towards the kitchen, but harry grabbed her wrist to stop her.

“hey no, leave it there: i’ll tidy up tomorrow morning, i’m just to tired right now. i just wanna go to sleep.”

tilting her head to the side, she looked at him softly. “okay, okay. goodnight sleepy head, i’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“nighty night. can you lock the door please?”

“of course, harry. go to bed now, you’re spent!”

harry was tired, yes. physically, of course, but emotionally? he was tired on another level, he couldn’t stand talking about their vows a second longer. he felt like he was gonna be sick, pass out or die if they did, so he kinda exaggerated his tiredness, so that this could be over and he could just drown himself in his sadness and pain.

as soon as she was out the door, and he heard her walking away, he let himself break down. he got up from the couch, tears staining his cheeks, trying so hard to catch a breath between all the sobs. this was killing him, ever so slowly.

he walked into his room, turning on the lights and noticed her coat and scarf was still there. he thought about texting her about it, but he couldn’t even see straight: he was not okay. he had not been in a while, and it was getting so much worse with everyday the wedding got closer, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. he wanted to scream, he wanted to put his fist through the wall, to let the world know that he wasn’t okay with what was happening, that it wasn’t right, not in the slightest; he knew he was late, he knew. but why couldn’t he have one last chance? just one chance.

“fuck.” he sobbed. “fuck this.”

the venomous words wrote themselves on the page, adding to the long list of words that described all the regret, the jealousy, the anger that was boiling in him.

“i don’t want to hear about him,

and these songs you continue to write.

i was with you when you wrote that line,

it was me that you had on your mind.”

harry woke up to the sound of his doorbell, his mouth dry and his eyes puffy, he didn’t even realise he fell asleep. shaking himself awake, he looked around the room before hearing the doorbell once again.

he grunted in response, and got up to see who could be looking for him at— well, he didn’t even know what time it was. was it morning already?

“hey, sleepyhead! god, i wore you out last night, huh?” she laughed, while making her way in. “oh my, the kitchen is a mess! do you need help?”

harry was a bit dumbfounded, still half asleep. “wh-what are you doing here?” he cleared his throat. “did we have plans or-”

“oh no! no, i just came by to pick up my coat. i realised yesterday once i was home but didn’t want to come back and wake you up, so i thought it would be better if i came by this morning. didn’t think i’d end up waking you up.” she laughed. “can i go get it?”

he nodded, “yeah, yeah, of course. i’ll make some coffee. want some?”

“as if i’d ever say no.” she smiled and walked away.

once she entered the bedroom, she understood that she literally dragged him out of bed to open the door: the bed was all messed up, and the state of his hair and face clearly showed that he hadn’t even brushed his teeth.

she looked around a little, finally finding her coat and her scarf on the dresser, near the window. since she was in there, she decided to tidy up a little, open the windows, change the air.

while she was making the bed, she saw something familiar coking out from under the pillow. could it really be…? yes, it was: the untouchable journal.

she was shocked: never once in her life did she got so close to that book without harry tearing it away from her sight before she could even get a closer glimpse. she didn’t want to invade his privacy, she just wanted to look at the outside of it: she saw that there were little scribbles on the cover, made with a black pen, words, stars, doodles. it’s all so harry, she thought.

but then, one thing caught her attention: they were photo-booth pictures, depicting two youngsters, smiling and making silly faces at the camera. harry had his hair a bit longer, she would call him “prince harry” at that stage: he was making a kissy face to the camera, and she was beside him, smiling deeply and looking at him with nothing but pure love; this was taken when she hadn’t met noah yet, and there was no one else on her mind. she remembers harry dragging her into the booth. they were going around shopping, looking for a new shirt for harry and a new outfit for her to wear at their graduation, when harry caught sight of the machine. he stopped in his tracks and grabbed her wrist, making a million of butterflies bat their wings in her stomach.

“we always take a million pictures but never print them! we always say we will but we never get around to do that, so now i have the perfect solution.”

and when could she ever say no to him?

she smiled looking at the picture at the top, reminiscing those days. she decided to open the journal, just to see the other pictures under the top one: one with harry sticking his tongue out, another one with her making bunny ears behind his head, and the last one was her favourite, of course. harry grabbed her chin and planted a wet kiss on her cheek, making her turn a bright red. she remembers how flustered she was by that touch, and how she felt like she was walking on air for the rest of the day.

her cheeks warmed at the memory, smiling at the silliness of teenage feelings, but she cherished the memory of them the most.

she couldn’t believe harry kept it all those years, she thought he would’ve lost it by then, with the movings and everything.

while she was going to close the book, her eyes dropped to the words scribbled on those pages.

at the top of the page, written in uppercase, three letters, underlined: him.

she knew it was wrong, she knew it was a violation of his privacy and that he would have any right to hate her, but her curiosity got the best of her and she ended up starting reading the rest of the words, of what she soon realised was a poem, or a song.

“no fucking way.” she smiled. “that’s so cool.”

she read the first four lines, frowning at the somber tone of the lyrics. what was he apologising for?

she kept reading and reading, her heart sinking more and more into her chest, the realisation of what was going on hitting her like a truck. no, it couldn’t be. it couldn’t.

“that nice dress in my wildest dreams, lipstick stains you left still on my sheets.” she read out loud. “no, no, what-” but she went on, she couldn’t stop now.

“when i hear ‘amazing eyes’, it breaks my heart evеry time?” her breath was shallow, her eyes misty. “what the fuck is-”

“hey darling, are you okay? you’ve been in here a whi-” harry’s voice died in his throat at the sight of his best friend white as if she had seen a ghost, holding his most precious possession, the air abandoning his lungs. shit.

she gulped, and didn’t tear her eyes away from the page, her voice low. “harry, what- what is this?” her hands were shaking.

harry was speechless, mind blank, not a thought going in his brain. he didn’t know what to say or do, aside being slightly defensive. “what are you doing reading my book?” he uttered, voice raspy.

“i didn’t mean to,” she murmured, still not looking at him. “i just picked it up to put it on your nightstand, but i saw the pictures of us inside and opened it, to get a better look at the picture and that was supposed to be it.” she inhaled deeply, calming herself. “before i found what you wrote.” and then, she finally looked up at him. her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks red. he didn’t like the sight of it. and he didn’t like what came after. “please, tell me the truth.” she pleaded. “is this about me? about me and.. and my relationship?”

“what? no, it’s not-” he tried lying, pathetically, making her shake her head and read straight from his journal.

“i was with you when you wrote that line, it was me that you had in your mind?” she read almost whispering. “‘that line’- oh my fucking god, my wedding vows? you wrote this stuff last night.” she looked at him with a look he had never seen before, not towards him at least: pure disappointment, shock, disbelief. her voice was barely a whisper, as if all the air had been sucked out the room. “harry, i’m getting married in a fucking month. you’re my fucking best man, what the fuck-” she raised her head toward the ceiling, her hands covering her eyes.

harry murmured lowly. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry, i can’t even-”

“since when?”

harry hoped he didn’t understand what she meant. “what?”

“since when have you been writing this. since when have you been having feelings for me.” she said, her voice raising slightly.

“i-i don’t think it matters right now, honest-”

“oh, but it does.” she smiled, a sarcastic smile, tears falling silently down her cheeks. “it does matter, because it will make me understand what kind of feelings we’re talking about. tell me.”

harry stayed quiet, not daring opening up his mouth, because he knew what she would be thinking if he told her that he fell for her only after she got with noah. and that the passive aggressive decision to move to another country without telling her was all dictated by his jealousy. he knew she would hate him as soon as he told her that, as soon as she realised he was just a boy, a kid that would get jealous if anyone was to touch his toys.

he felt ashamed, so ashamed of those being the circumstances in which he found out about his feelings, but they were so far from that now: he loved her, like a man would love another person, not like a teenage boy does.

apparently, he didn’t need to reply, because she already knew the answer. she scoffed, drying her tears. “oh, so it was after i met noah, then. let me guess, around the time you were ready to flee the country without telling me?” she asked bitterly.

harry didn’t know what to say, aside from apologising, again and again, head hanging low. “i’m sorry.”

“you knew.” she pointed her finger towards him. “you knew i loved you, you did and you always played with my feelings. “‘do you know what’s like to fall in love from the outside’? are you fucking serious? do i know? i was in love with you for years and i always pretended you didn’t know, but i know you did, anyone could see it. and you never did something to let me know if you wanted more or if you didn’t want me that way, you’d always want me to stay in between, huh?” her smile was chilling. harry had never seen her like this, and those words were like knives going straight through his heart. he knew the truth was hard to face, but this was something else. he thought that dying would hurt less. “i can’t fucking believe this, it’s too much, i- i have to leave.”

harry shook his head vigorously, placing himself in front of the door. “no, please, don’t leave.”

she stopped in front of him, shaking her head no. “let me leave. i don’t have anything to say to you.”

“but i do-”

“i don’t care, harry. i don’t fucking care about what you have to say now, because now it’s too late! you had years, years to tell me, and you didn’t even have the balls to say something to me, i had to find out you wrote a fucking song about me and noah three weeks before my wedding day.” she looked up at him, brows furrowed. “don’t you see how everything is messed up now? do you really not realise it?” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before pronouncing the last sentence harry would hear from her. “i really don’t care about what you have to say now. move out of the way.”

he did. the sound of the door slamming shut was almost as loud as his heart shattering in a million pieces.

he collapsed on his knees, head hanging low, guttural sobs ripping out of his chest.

on the other side of the door, she was in the same state, sat in her car, hitting the steering wheel, wishing she could slap Fate in its face, for this sad joke it made. how was this fair? how could they recover from this? most importantly, would they be able to recover from this?

harry couldn’t remember a time he felt so desperate, so angry, so sad, so all over the place. all the plates that were out on the table were now smashed on the ground, angry tears leaving their trail on his face, his knuckles bruised from the punch he gave the wall.

“fuck!” he screamed, after the hit. the tears of pain mixed with the ones of sadness, the ones that were testament of the fact that he knew it was all over. all the friendship, all the love was gone. there was nothing to rebuild, there was nothing he could do.

it was over. there was no coming back from this.

—

4 days before the day.

her sister’s phone ringed with a new message.

“Hi, it’s Harry. I’m sorry if this is last minute, but I cannot come to the wedding. Hope everything is going well.”

her sister looked at the bride to be, doing her last dress check: she looked amazing. she was so happy, so smiley, glowing: harry being there would’ve ruined it, she knows that. but still, she couldn’t believe her sister wasn’t marrying that curly headed boy she was so smitten of. she always thought they’d end up together, someday. especially after she knew he was into her as much as she was.

“everything okay?” the bride asked her sister. “did one of the caterers say something is wrong?” she nodded towards her phone.

she shook her head. “no, no. everything’s fine. you look beautiful.” she smiled. “noah is a lucky man.”

—

the wedding day.

the church was packed with people: friends, family, coworkers, everyone who was ready to celebrate the new life of the happy couple. everything looked so festive, flowers all around: she chose sunflowers, like he knew she would’ve. the day was bright, as if the sky itself wanted to be at its best for her, for her big day, because nature knew she deserved nothing else.

the last guests hurried themselves in and took their seats, everyone buzzing about seeing the bride walk in. noah was up at the end of the altar, his brother putting his hands on his shoulder and smiling at him, trying to come up with a joke to make him less anxious. noah laughed a bit, still very much anxious, but also happy: today was the start of their new life together, him and the girl of his dreams. this was the best day of his life, and he wished it would never end.

she could see the church from the car window, and squeezed her sister’s hand as a reaction: the day was here. it was a long time coming, but she couldn’t be happier.

well, maybe she could, but she won’t think about that today. not today, not ever. today was the beginning of a new life, full of love and safety.

her sister turned around and smiled at her, squeezing her hand back three times. once they were parked, the maid of honour got out of the car, and noah’s heart jumped in his throat. it was really happening.

the june sun shimmered down her gown, making her look ethereal. an angel walked into the church and was then walking down the aisle, heading towards her future, with the man she loved more than anyone in the world.

and the man who was too late stood at the end of the church, hidden from her.

he couldn’t be away, he couldn’t bring himself to miss out on her big day, no matter how painful it may be for him. so he stood at the far end, hidden from everyone.

when she stepped foot in the church, his breath hitched. he had never seen anyone that beautiful before, she was glowing: even from where he was standing, harry could see the way her eyes were filled with emotional tears, the wavering smile displayed on her lips. she was breathtaking, and so utterly happy.

it broke his heart.

he saw everything he had lost by being so arrogant, so blind, so oblivious, such an idiot for not realising sooner that she was the one, that she was the only person he wanted by his side. and now, he was watching every step she took away from him, towards the life he knew she deserved.

the life he knew he could’ve given her, if he didn’t mess up his chance.

chances, even. he had so many of them, and he blew them away because he was scared.

now his life was gonna be filled with regrets, and that was his own fault, there was no one else.

while he watched the couple exchange their eternal promises to each other, he saw her sister glancing at him, giving him a timid smile, as if she knew he couldn’t be there for a second longer, that he couldn’t wait there to see them go out from that church and beginning their new journey. harry nodded back at her, and quietly made his way out of the church from the second entrance, the one he used to make his way in without being noticed.

he got in his car, and drove. he didn’t even know to where he was heading towards, but that didn’t matter. nothing did anymore.

“is he holding you better at night?

is it me running into your mind?

i still think about you all the time.”

—

soooo, this is it! i absolutely loved writing this story, i cried A LOT but it was very much worth it. some stories just don’t have the ending we wish they had, and that’s okay: some stories need a sad ending. i love you all! please let me know your thoughts under the post or in my asks! <3

taglist: @harrysonlylover @that-daydream-look @neverstaisfied

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likeadevils · 1 year

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Speak Now Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on Speak Now in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also added a few other songs she wrote while writing Speak Now and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process.

If you don't want to read all that, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

Due to a surprising amount of digital decay and her life not being highly documented yet, exact dates are bit harder to come by then they are with following albums, but you can still find a few! I’ve added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date:

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but everything points to that date

Speculation: This date is based off pure vibes and guesswork and is highly likely to change.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices)

More notes: I will probably be editing it as information about vault songs and new details about old songs get come out, so it probably won’t be finished until July, so check back in with this post and/or follow me if you want updates. Most tweet dates come from crawling through the wayback machine, but if you want further sourcing, feel free me an ask/dm.

Without further ado...

Sparks Fly: Late 2006 (Inferring)

Taylor opened up for Jake Owen on October 31, 2006 In Portland, Oregon (the secret message for the song), and wrote Sparks Fly about the experience shortly after. I’ve seen a few second hand sources say she wrote it on the airplane ride back to Nashville later that same night, but I can’t find Taylor herself saying that, so it might just be an old fandom legend, or the source has been lost to digital decay, or I just haven’t looked hard enough. She first performs the song in May 29, 2007.

Haunted: 2009 (Unknown)

Taylor: "Haunted" is about the moment that you realize the person you're in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don't know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it's fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you're realizing that he's kind of falling out of love. That's a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through, because the whole time you're trying to tell yourself it's not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing this song about it.

February 17, 2009: Tweets "It's 3:58 am in London.. And I accidentally fell asleep at 6:30 pm, so now I'm wide awake and have no idea what to do. Write a song?"

It’s possible that this was what Taylor was referring to when she said she “ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing [Haunted]”, but it’s also very possible that Taylor didn’t write a song on February 17, and waking up in the middle of the night and writing a song is not a rare occurrence in Taylor’s life, so one tweet doesn’t really prove anything.

March 13, 2009: Tweets "A day off in Sydney. Drove two hours out of the city and spent the day on the beach. Wrote a chorus you'll hear on the next record. :)"

Pure speculation, but I think she was working on Mr. Perfectly Fine. It was created in 2009, and in my opinion, of the possible songs it has the most notable chorus.

March 19, 2009: Posts on Myspace “I’m wiped out. I’ve been in the studio all day ( I know, I know.. We JUST put out a new album. I think I have a problem, I cannot stop writing songs.) It’s so much fun knowing that you can take your time, because you have like a year and a half to make something you’re really proud of. I love recording a few songs, waiting a few months, recording a few more.. Instead of devoting a few weeks to “record the album” and then it’s just done. I like dragging it out, that way you can be meticulous about every detail. Daydream about different ways to put the songs together, and then take them apart. I’m pretty obsessed with the whole process. So needless to say, it was good to be back in the studio with my redheaded producer who I missed terribly.”

If This Was A Movie: April 2009 (Inferring)

Taylor has literally never talked about this song, but April would be six months after and Joe Jonas broke up in late September/early October 2008.

April 24, 2009: Taylor plays in Jonesboro, Arkansas, and possibly writes a song: "I'd get my best ideas at 3:00 AM in Arkansas, and didn't have a co-writer around and I'd just finish it. And that would happen again in New York [likely Enchanted], that would happen again in Boston [likely Long Live], that would happen again in Nashville." (x)

May 23, 2009: Taylor records Half Of My Heart with John Mayer

On March 1, 2009: John Mayer tweeted: “Waking up to this song idea that won’t leave my head. 3 days straight now. That means it’s good enough to finish. It’s called Half of My Heart and I want to sing it with Taylor Swift. She would make a killer Stevie Nicks in contrast to my Tom Petty of a song.” On May 23, John Mayer tweeted "I couldn't get Taylor Swift on my record so I found the world's greatest impersonator, Laura Jacksheimer" with a picture of Taylor.

Superman: Spring 2009 (Speculation)

This could have been written any time in 2009, but due to it's general sound and the following quote, I’d guess it was written sometime in spring, when her and John Mayer first started working together. Taylor: “This was a guy that I was sort of enamored with, as usual. This song got its title by something that I just kinda said randomly in conversation. He walked out of the room, I looked over at one of my friends and said, ‘Man, It’s just like watching Superman fly away.’”

May 29, 2009: Posts on Myspace “Tomorrow, after the performance on the Today show, I’ll fly back to Nashville and record a lot of new songs I’ve written in the last few weeks. I’m really excited about that.” (She also posts "Tonight I went shopping at Top Shop in New York with the band. I got purple shoes. I’m really excited about the purple shoes, and I just needed to tell someone. I got purple shoes. Ok. That’s done." Which. If I had a nickel for everytime Taylor teased her new album by posting about shoe colors I'd have two nickels, which isnt a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.)

June 4, 2009: Posts on Facebook "In the studio. I don't know whose computer I'm using. Pssh.. Such a rebel right now.."

June 9, 2009: Tweets (about recording Thug Story) "If I said I was in the studio with T-Pain, would you believe me?"

Better Than Revenge and Let’s Go (Battle): June 2009 (Inferring)

These were probably written sometime between June 12, when the Jonas Brothers released “Much Better”, and July 1, when Taylor posted on Myspace: “What else is new.. Recording a bunch of new songs. Lots of new things to write about…..”

Last Kiss: 2009 (Unknown)

Taylor: "The song "Last Kiss" is sort of like a letter to somebody. You say all of these desperate, hopeless feelings that you have after a breakup. Going through a breakup you feel all of these different things. You feel anger, and you feel confusion, and frustration. Then there is the absolute sadness. The sadness of losing this person, losing all the memories, and the hopes you had for the future. There are times when you have this moment of truth where you just admit to yourself that you miss all these things. When I was in one of those moments I wrote this song."

July 22, 2009: Tweets "Hanging with my producer Nathan, discussing the next adventure" and then in a separate tweet "...album #3."

Never Grow Up: Fall 2009 (Speculation)

Lover Diary Nathan Chapman: "The song 'Never Grow Up' is just she singing and I on acoustic guitar. We recorded ourselves live. That song probably happened in two hours." This could’ve been written at any time in 2009, but I put it here because she bought her Nashville apartment sometime before October.

September 8, 2009: Tweeted "Last night in nash before heading out tomorrow for 4 shows, then VMA's. But right now I can't put the guitar down."

September 13, 2009: VMAs Incident

Enchanted: September 15, 2009 (Confirmed)

On September 15, Taylor attended an Owl City Concert in New York Taylor: "It was about this guy that I met in New York City, and I had talked to him on email or something before, but I had never met him. And meeting him, it was this overwhelming feeling of: I really hope that you're not in love with somebody. And the whole entire way home, I remember the glittery New York City buildings passing by, and then just sitting there thinking, am I ever going to talk to this person again? And that pining away for a romance that may never even happen, but all you have is this hope that it could, and the fear that it never will. I started writing that in the hotel room when I got back. Because it just was this positive, wistful feeling of: I hope you understand just how much I loved meeting you. I hope that you know that meeting you was not something that I took lightly, or just in passing. And I think my favorite part of that song is the part where, in the bridge, it goes to sort of a stream of consciousness of ‘Please don't be in love with someone else/Please don't have somebody waiting on you.' Because at that moment, that's exactly what my thoughts were. And it feels good to write exactly what your thoughts were in a certain moment.”

September 26, 2009: Taylor plays in Little Rock, Arkansas, and possibly writes a song: "I'd get my best ideas at 3:00 AM in Arkansas, and didn't have a co-writer around and I'd just finish it. And that would happen again in New York [Enchanted & Back To December], that would happen again in Boston [Long Live], that would happen again in Nashville." (x)

October 17, 2009: Tweets "Travis: you look so out of it. Me: I'm writing a song in my head. Travis: oh, I apologize. I didn't realize you were working."

November 30, 2009: Tweets "If I had a dime for every time my producer and I blurt out the same thing at the same time, followed by an awkward, uncoordinated high five..."

Ours: December 6, 2009 (Inferring)

Myspace Post on December 6: “I just got back to Nashville this morning after being in LA all week. Today I was out and about and in the studio all day” Taylor: "I wrote this when I was about to turn 20. I was in a relationship I knew people wouldn't approve of, and it was just a matter of time before everyone found out. When you're first getting to know someone, it's a fragile time, and then you add newspapers and magazine covers and it can get kind of rough. I wanted to have this song to play for him when it got difficult. Singing it for him was one of the sweetest moments I can remember."

December 22, 2009: Tweets "I was writing a song and my pen fell into the piano. Still trying to figure out if I should do anything about this."

January 2010: Starts polishing up the demos made in 2009 into fully produced tracks

Billboard: "Swift and Chapman had begun recording new songs almost as soon as "Fearless" was released. The two cut demos in his basement studio and would only take those songs to larger facilities once they felt they had an emotional foundation in the basic tracks. Still, it wasn’t until early 2010 when the album truly began to coalesce." Nathan Chapman: "We stripped it down and made the demos first. Taylor came to my studio and I played all the instruments on the demos, and because I have a good vocal booth, her demo vocals ended up being the vocals you hear on the record. After finishing the demos, we went out to different studios, and tried different combinations of engineers and musicians to replace some of the elements of my demos, mostly the programmed drums, and to do additional overdubs. [...] A pop artist would probably release what we'd done after five hours, but country artists don't want to hear programmed drums, they don't want to hear fake stuff. So once we had recorded the demos, we would book whatever studio we wanted for each song, to replace the drums, in many cases the bass, and to add whatever overdubs we envisioned, like fiddle, keyboards, percussion and strings. After we got the demos right, we opened it up and allowed ourselves to spend money and cut a big record." Taylor tweets on January 11: "Studio-ness with all the same boys who played on Fearless" and on January 13: "More recording. So excited. So excited. So excited. See, I said that three times. Once for every album we've made in this studio."

January 13, 2010: Posts on Myspace “Thank you January. I have had this month off. I have walked on snow-covered grass and discovered new coffee shops and laughed hysterically with friends about things that probably weren’t technically funny. I’ve written songs on napkins and sat at a giant table with my whole family on my mother’s birthday, all of us in one place for the first time in too long. I’ve gotten to take what has happened to me and process it to my full capability, and celebrate it the way it deserved to be celebrated. I’ve made new music. I’ve gone over the memories and jumped up and down with my producer and floated around with nothing on my schedule other than just appreciating what my life has somehow turned into. [...] Getting back in the studio with the same guys I trust and know and love.. (right, the pointing one: my producer Nathan Chapman) (Left, the waving one: Bass extraorinaire, Tim Marks. Clearly marked on his road case.) [...] Nick Buddha is in charge of the drums.”

February 22, 2010: Posts on Myspace "I’ve been writing lots of songs"

February 13, 2010: Writes in her diary "I’ve been obsessing over the new album. I always do that until it’s just right. I don’t know if I have the formula just right for this one yet. I know there are great songs. I just need to figure out the strands that bond them together into a great album. And I will obsess until it’s there. This album, any album, is the next 2 years of my life. It has to be more than amazing. It has to be great enough to keep my attention for 2 years."

Mine: March 10-12 2010 (Inferring)

Taylor (above interview, at 5:17): "I wrote Mine somewhere on the road, I think in Texas, actually." Nathan Chapman: "The demo for 'Mine' apparently took less than five hours to record, and sounded, according to Chapman, "almost identical to the record. After that we worked on the track for another four months, off and on, and spent $30,000 to make sure it sounded perfect in the real world."" Taylor: "This song is the first single because it has this…there was this moment between Nathan and I, my producer, when I brought this song in and when we made this demo in one day in his basement and we just kinda looked at each other and we were like, "This is it. This is the one. All of the times that I've had "The Moment" with songs of "This is the one," it's been a good call, so I'm hoping for the best on this one. Wish me luck." Scott Borchetta: "Mine" was a turning point in the album’s development. Swift and Chapman had begun recording new songs almost as soon as "Fearless" was released. The two cut demos in his basement studio and would only take those songs to larger facilities once they felt they had an emotional foundation in the basic tracks. Still, it wasn’t until early 2010 when the album truly began to coalesce. Swift presented "Mine" to Borchetta in his office [...] "We probably played that song four or five times," Borchetta recalls. "I’m jumping around playing air guitar, she’s singing the song back to me, and it was just one of those crazy, fun, Taylor teen-age moments."

March 13, 2010: Taylor records Mine, brings it to Scott Borchetta, and says she’s done with TS3

Scott Borchetta: "I said, ‘Keep going,’ [...] She kind of looked at me like, ‘You’re challenging me.’ And I said, ‘Yeah. You’ve found true north here. Keep going.’ " Taylor: “During Speak Now, when I went to (label head) Scott Borchetta and said, 'The album’s finished,’ he said, 'No, it’s not – you need to keep writing.’” (Right after playing in Texas, Taylor leaves for a vacation in the Bahamas, meaning Taylor likely had about a day in Nashville between the two trips).

Innocent: Late March 2010 (Inferring)

Billboard: “It was some time in the period after that challenge — between February and June — that Swift wrote “Innocent,” her response to the Kanye West incident.” Taylor: “Some songs take 30 minutes to write, and some take six months, which was the case with “Innocent.” When things affect me intensely and really hit me hard, it can take a while to figure out what I think about it and what to say about it.” (March would be just over 6 months since the VMAs).

March 24, 2010: Taylor goes lunch with Taylor Lautner and both of their publicists, inspiring Back To December.

Taylor: Swift says she based the song on a conversation she had with the guy about whom she's singing. "It's not loosely based," she says. "It's almost word-for-word. It is a song and a conversation that needed to happen, because I don't want to hurt people. If you unintentionally do so, you've got to make that better."

Speak Now: Early April, 2010 (Inferring)

On April 3, Taylor attended the wedding of Josh Farro as Hayley Williams (who is Josh's ex) plus one. That day she also tweeted: ""Nathan you smell really good! Is that a new cologne?" "Thanks! Actually it's a two in one shampoo and soap. From Dial." My producer rules." implying she was in the studio. The conversation below could have happened any day after the VMA awards in September, when Hayley first reached out to Taylor, but I think Taylor probably wrote the song fairly close to naming the album after it. Taylor: "This song was inspired by one of my friends who was telling me about her childhood sweetheart, crush guy. They were kind of together in high school and went their separate ways, and it was kind of understood that they were gonna get back together. Then, she one day comes in and tells me he's getting married. He had met this girl who was just this mean person who made him completely stop talking to all of his friends, cut off his family, had him like so completely isolated. And I just, kind of randomly, was like, "So, you gonna speak now?" She was like, "What do you mean?" And I was like "Oh, you know, like storm the church, speak now or forever hold your peace? I'll go with you. I'll play guitar. It would be great." She was just kind of laughing, and later on I just was wrapping my mind around that idea of how tragic it would be if someone you loved was marrying somebody else. Later I had a dream about one of my ex-boyfriends getting married, and it just all came together that I needed to write this song about interrupting a wedding. For me, I like to think of it as good versus evil, and this girl is so completely painted as the evil one. So this is "Speak Now.""

April 13, 2010: Names TS3 Speak Now

Lover Diaries: "So I’ve been obsessing over the new record to the point where it’s all I can focus on. I’m majorly stressed and borderline losing it, with all these lists and chronic dissatisfaction. Perfectionist-ness. I keep growing tired of songs because I know I’ve raised the bar and I can beat half the songs. Scott and I had lunch the other day. We were talking about the record and I had this epiphany. I didn’t talk in interviews about how I felt about much of what has happened in the last 2 years. I’ve been silent about so much that I’m saying on this album. It’s time to Speak Now. Scott freaked out. He loved it. We have a title, ladies and gentlemen!" Scott Borchetta: ""At one point, the record was not called ‘Speak Now.’ It was called ‘Enchanted,’ [...] We were at lunch, and she had played me a bunch of the new songs. I looked at her and I’m like, ‘Taylor, this record isn’t about fairy tales and high school anymore. That’s not where you’re at. I don’t think the record should be called "Enchanted."’” Swift excused herself from the table at that point. By the time she came back, she had the "Speak Now" title"

Dear John: Spring 2010 (Speculation)

This was likely written sometime after February 2010 (Taylor implies she's single in her vlog and her diary). Beyond that, it could have been anytime between February and June 2010.

Brief Interruption: The next two songs (Back to December and Mean) are going to use quotes from this interview that @1989worldtour found. If you've already listened to the interview attached to the Mine section, then it's the same interview

Back To December: Early May, 2010 (Inferring)

Taylor (above interview, at 5:12): "Back to December was written in New York City. Taylor was in New York city from May 3-5, and May 12-15 2010. she was not photographed in New York any other time in early 2010, and given her busy touring schedule, I doubt she was in New York at another time. USA TODAY: “Swift says she based the song on a conversation she had with the guy about whom she's singing. "It's not loosely based," she says. "It's almost word-for-word. It is a song and a conversation that needed to happen, because I don't want to hurt people. If you unintentionally do so, you've got to make that better."”

Mean: May 29, 2010 (Speculation)

Taylor (above interview, about 6 minutes in): "I started this song called Mean on my, like sitting on my kitchen counter, just playing it, and then, you know, took a plane and flew to the venue where we were gonna play that night and finished it in the dressing room." Now, this may be a too literal interpretation of "took a plane and flew to the venue where we were gonna play that night," but if we want to theorize: the only tour date (that Taylor could've conceivably written Mean during) without another show right before or after it was in Baton Rogue on May 29, 2010.

Long Live: June 2010 (Confirmed)

Lover Diary She likely wrote this around June 5, when she ended the Fearless Tour at Gillette Stadium (Wikipedia counts two festivals as being part of the Fearless Tour but Taylor doesn't, so I'm going with her opinion), since she said that she wrote a song for Speak Now in Boston (which is the closest major city to Gillette)

The Story Of Us: June 9-16, 2010 (Confirmed)

Taylor attended the CMT Awards (Which goes on to be the secret message for The Story Of Us) on June 9 and was sat very close to John Mayer. Taylor: "The people closest to me are used to me deserting a conversation and bolting into some corner of the room with my phone out, hunched over, singing some melody or lyric or hook into my phone. I wrote “The Story of Us” about running into an ex at an awards show, and I came home and sat down at a kitchen table and told my mom, “I felt like I was standing alone in a crowded room.” She tried to console me, but I was gone at that point." Lover Diary: "So I’ve been a little studio rat since the tour ended [...] Ever since, I wake up to my cell phone alarm around 9:30 each morning. Throw on a sundress, skip make up, tie my hair in a messy side braid, and head out the door with no shoes on. Because the only walking outside I’ll be doing is from my house to my car, then from my car, three steps to Nathan’s basement studio. [...] I worked on a song for a few days, then basically finished it in the car on the way to Nathan’s this morning. It. Is. So. Good. And I can safely say I am DONE writing this record!! This song is up-tempo, and hooky and sort of torn-sounding … like this horrible stressed confusion that comes on when you knew the person you’re pining away for is in the room. And for some reason, there are these invisible walls keeping things from being ok. So you’re not fine. And they’re not fine. And I’m so happy I wrote that song!! Footage of Taylor working on TSOU

June 30, 2010: Taylor tweets “@amosjheller is SLAYING a bass part in the studio right now. http://twitpic.com/21am7t”

Footage Nathan Chapman: “We tried several bassists until we had a bass part that worked, which was played by Amos Heller, of Taylor's live band. In Nashville, it's rare for a road musician to be on the record, but he earned his way into this record by kicking ass. In fact, all Taylor's road musicians played some parts on the album, which was important for me and her.”

July 15, 2010: The orchestra for Back To December and Haunted are recorded (footage here, same outfit as these candids)

Taylor (talking about Haunted): “I wanted the music and the orchestration to reflect the intensity of the emotion the song is about, so we recorded strings with Paul Buckmaster at Capitol Studios in Los Angeles. It was an amazing experience - recording this entire big, live string section that I think in the end really captured the intense, chaotic feeling of confusion I was looking for."

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

#txt*#timeline*#taylor swift #if this deletes again i might actually delete my account #let me know if theres a typo or anything my eyes are glazing over

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guizika · 4 months

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I’m Your Tramp

Tomas Vrbada x Male Reader

Cw - Male reader, you/yours pronouns, forbidden relationship, a little bit of angst, fluff, maybe it's a bit ooc.

Synopsis - You love Tomas, the boy who follows everything his father says. While you are free, doing whatever you want.

Word count - 522

This fanfic was inspired by the song "O Vagabundo e a Dama" by the band Oriente.

Tomas has always been a strict boy, not wanting to disappoint his father, while you have always been free, doing what you wanted. When you started dating Vrbada, his father was furious and forbade the relationship.

However, nothing could stop you from seeing your beloved, you would move mountains for him and take any risk just to be with him for a few moments.

Tomas hears a bird-like whistle, a signal for him to open the window. He quickly approaches and opens it, letting you in. "Oh my God, you've lost your mind for good." He says, looking you up and down.

"Wow, I've just arrived and I don't even get a kiss?" You say with a smile, making Vrbada blush and smile shyly. "It's getting harder to get in here, I almost got caught." You say with an amused snort.

"And that's exactly why I said you shouldn't come here, it's too risky." Tomas says, making you cluck your tongue and grab his hands, stroking his knuckles. "Look, I know you've already told me that, but I've also told you that I won't stop seeing you."

You kiss Tomas on the forehead and then put your hand in the pocket of your suit. "Wait a minute, I've got something you'll like." After a while you finally find it, taking out a silver ring and putting it on Tomas' finger. "I bought this ring because I thought it looked like you, I hope you like it."

You move over and sit down on Tomas' bed, letting out a soft sigh and looking at him. "I love it, it means a lot to me." He says softly, almost like a whisper, pink adorning his cheeks. Without further ado, he comes closer to you, pulling you down and then lying on top of you. "You know my father doesn't approve of our relationship, right?" He says, looking carefully at the ring you gave him.

You stay silent and nod, just enjoying Tomas presence. "I know that, but I promise I'll try to fix it." Your voice comes out as a whisper, smiling softly as you wrap your arms around Tomas.

"I trust you, work it out." Tomas says, lying on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. "He thinks you're too rebellious, too loose, he thinks you're a man who doesn't follow the rules very well." His voice comes out as a whisper.

You let out a soft laugh, stroking his back. "I already know that, in fact, I agree with him." You stare at the ceiling, seeing nothing but darkness. "But he forgot to add that I'm extremely in love with you."

Tomas remains silent, closing his eyes and silently saying goodnight, then falling asleep. You stay awake, wishing you could sleep here but knowing that if you were caught in Tomas's room, the outcome would probably not be good.

After a while you hear the sound of birds singing and decide to leave, carefully taking Tomas off you and putting him to bed. Before you leave, you kiss his forehead and walk away, swearing to yourself that one day you'll marry him.

Please don't translate my work and don't repost on other social networks, if there are any grammatical errors I ask you to excuse me!

#ftm reader #male reader insert #male reader #mortal kombat x male reader #mortal kombat x ftm reader #tomas vrbada #mk smoke #Spotify

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thepinklink · 6 months

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I wrote this is a continuation of @skyloftian-nutcase’s fic Numb. It isn’t everything that I wanted it to be at all, but it’s still okay and even I don’t like it, there’s someone out there who will so I still want to post it. See the reblogs for all the reasons I think this could be improved. I recommend having read Numb first (*sweats in I only sort of read Numb before I wrote this*), but if you don’t feel like doing that, pretend Sky held in all his hurt until it burst out one day and now Legend, who understands, is telling him that he’s got his back, okay? Good. Thank you. And without further ado, I present to you,

Pins and Needles.

"Where's Legend?"

The question prompts Sky to look up from his carving, and he remarks internally that he hadn’t realized the hero was missing.

"I saw him head towards the cliffside," Wind says, "He said something about wanting to see the lake.”

Sky frowns at this. Realistically, nothing is wrong with it, and he hasn’t seen any concerning behavior from the Veteran lately, but it still stirs worry in his chest.

"I'll go check on him, " He offers, putting away his carving as he stands.

“Alright. But drag him back here when you find him; it’s almost suppertime!” Wild calls after him, and he assures the cook that he will before picking up a jog towards the cliffs. The cliffs overlook a valley, cupped by mountains, carved out and filled with water by some long forgotten glacier. The lake is massive and majestic, so Sky doesn’t wonder why Legend chose there to find isolation.

He sees the Veteran sitting on the edge, ocarina to his lips, and the tune he plays makes Sky's heart ache. Not wanting to startle him nor disrupt his tune, Sky stops a few yards back from the Veteran, listening do him play. Several minutes pass before the song ends (or maybe it is before Legend stops repeating the song), and the last notes echo through the valley. When they’ve faded, silence settles over the landscape, heavy and suffocating. Sky is surprised when he is not the one to break it.

“Hard not to dwell on it." Legend's voice is hollow, lacking inflection and he looks over his shoulder at Sky with bloodshot eyes. Sky feels squirmy inside when he sees tears slip down the Veteran's cheeks, unchecked. He sighs and steels himself, nodding as he makes his way forward and sits down next to the Veteran.

“Yeah.”

Legend laughs bitterly, and looks up at the evening sky.

"Goddesses, I was so stupid." He runs a hand through his hair and sniffles. He wipes his eyes, although new tears replace the ones he wipes away almost immediately.

"You want to talk about it? " Sky asks gently. He's never seen the Veteran cry; his eyes welled up in the uncertain moments while Twilight was ill, but he never really outright cried. And, as Legend seemed to be the most emotionally stable of the Links (considering everything he'd been through), Sky figured it wasn't a good sign if he was crying. Legend gave another watery laugh.

"No, " he says, “I’ve already cried, that's enough emotional processing for right now. I'll just...I'll just hold the rest in until I can’t anymore, as usual.”

Sky frowns. That sounds—

"Sounds really unhealthy, and I shouldn't do that because we’re not meant to hold things in like that. It will hurt hurt me, and the people around me.”

And suddenly there's no trace of pain or sorrow in Legend’s face. The Veteran glares at Sky, ice blue eyes piercing into the Skyloftian’s soul.

"That's what you were about to say. " Legend's tone is strong, almost scolding. Sky blinks dumbly, and Legend continues.

"Well, you're right. It is unhealthy, in more ways than one, it will hurt you more than any weapon ever could—and sometimes, the damage is irreversible."

The words almost sting, but Sky isn’t entirely sure if it’s because Legend is being harsh.

“Sky.” His tone changes, and Sky is reminded of Sun when she tells him she loves him after she’s been angry about something. Gentle, apologetic, but sincere, said straight from the heart. “I'm here for you.”

That's the part that surprises Sky. He expected to hear "you need to tell someone" or “I’m your friend, why didn't you talk to me?"

"I don't expect you to tell me anything. " Legend continues, “But I'm here, I always am. If you ever need to look over your shoulder just to see if someone is there, I'll be there. If you need someone to make sure you don’t end up dead in a ditch somewhere after you've tried to drink the pain away, I’ll be there. I’ll also be there in the morning to help you when you realize it didn’t actually work, it just gave you a migraine. Hell, I'm here if you just need someone to yell at to go away." Legend meets Sky’s eyes again.

"I cant fix you, I won’t try. But I'll help however you want me to. I'm here.”

Legend holds his gaze for another minute before he raises the ocarina to his lips once again, and another tune fills the valley, this one more hopeful and soothing than the last. Sky remains silent through the entirety of the song. When he finishes playing, Legend stands up.

“Well, we ought to head back. Cook’ll kill us if we're too late to supper." He offers a hand to help Sky up, which the latter takes. Once he's on his feet, Legend surprises him for the second time in twenty minutes by pulling him into a hug. It’s strong and warm, made even more so by the fact that Legend is not a very cuddly person.

Legend surprises a third time by letting Sky determine the length of the hug, which Sky makes maybe a little longer then was needed, just because he could.

Dinner is a lot more cheerful that that evening, the first in a long time where Sky notices now warm and bright the fire is and how delicious Wild's food is. He sees anew how funny his friends all are, how close and caring they all are. The numbness doesn’t go away. But it is a moment where Sky feels hopeful that one day, it will.

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu legend #lu sky #plink writes

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katethewriter · 1 year

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congrats on 1k!!! how abt wandanat x reader where r is a singer and on tour. wandanat surprise r on tour? btw love your writinggg!!

She is Love

Pairing: WandaNat x Reader

Words: 3.5k~

Warnings: none, light angst in the beginning, total fluff at the end, cheesy writing

A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this. So, thank you so much to the anon who requested this. I love you. Also, if you're curious, this is titled after the song She is Love by Parachute. You should totally go check it out! Listen on repeat while reading the fic. It's definitely one of my favorite songs (this is my fave cover, also how I imagine R sounds singing it). Without any further ado, here we go! I hope you enjoy!

“Where are you, detka?” Wanda asks leaning forward in the passenger seat. She brings the phone closer to her face to examine the background behind you.

Natasha looks over from the driver seat, “let me see.”

The Sokovian pulls the phone away from the other woman’s view, “eyes on the road, Romanoff.”

The assassin rolls her eyes, but does as she’s told, grumbling something along the lines of ��She’s my girlfriend too.’

From the other side of the facetime call, you laugh at your girlfriends’ antics. Part of you, a large part, aches to be with them right now, especially on a day like today. But you don’t want them to see you upset, so you push the feeling away and smile, “wait- where are you?”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Wanda raises an eyebrow, “I asked first.”

Now, you are the one rolling your eyes. “Fine,” you say and flip your camera around, “I’m in a coffee shop.”

Panning around the small shop, you give them a view of your drink on the table before turning the camera back to face you.

“It’s cute and just down the block from my hotel.” You take a quick look around the room, “its bringing back some memories. You know?” You smile to your girlfriend.

Wanda smiles sweetly, “I know, detka.”

“Where is Gary?” Natasha asks from off screen.

“Calm down,” you turn the camera around again to show your bodyguard standing on the other side of the coffee shop window, “he’s right there. I am capable of taking care of myself, you know.”

“We do know,” Wanda turns the phone so you can see them both, “we also know that thousands of people have flocked to that city to see you perform. Our enemies could be hiding amongst them.”

You release a long sigh. They did this the last time you went on tour too, though you weren’t nearly as popular and well-known that time. They still demanded that you have a bodyguard with you whenever you left the hotel. Though you felt it was unnecessary, you obliged to give them peace of mind when they couldn’t be there to protect you.

The tour has been exhilarating, but it is hitting you a bit harder than the first one. For your first tour, you were just an opening act; this go around, you are the headliner. Everyone that comes to these concerts is there to see you, and you are dedicated to giving them the best show possible, even if it exhausts you, even if it makes you miss time with your girlfriends.

It’s been so long since you have seen them last, and sometimes all the facetimes, phone calls, and texts in the world can’t make up for not being in their arms.

Today is one of those days.

Make no mistake. You are so grateful to be where you are in your career and for your girlfriends who have supported you every step of the way. Just sometimes you wish you had a break.

Wanda must have picked up on this, “are you ok?” Her expression hints at worry, but her voice manages to stay light.

“You never answered my question,” you quickly changed the subject, “where are you guys?”

Natasha looks over from the driver’s side with a cheeky smile. “In a car,” she answers and turns her attention back to the road.

You chuckles, “yeah I got that, but where are you driving?”

Wanda shakes her head, “detka, you know we can’t tell you that.”

Ducking your head, you nod, “right.”

Dating two avengers proved to be a bit harder than you had first anticipated. Take a situation like today for example.

The original plan was for them to be here today. They were going to see the show, and tomorrow night’s show and then you would get to spend your off day with them after that. However, they had been given a last-minute mission, so plans changed.

Maybe that’s why you missed them so much. You had gotten too excited for them to be here.

“We’re sorry, lyubov,” the widow apologizes. She can hear the disappointment in your voice, and it’s breaking her heart. “As soon as this mission is over, we will be on the next flight to you. I promise.”

You smile and nod, not wanting to worry them anymore.

The Sokovian attempts to distract you from the hard emotions, “so what else do you have left to do today?”

Glancing at your watch quickly, you tell them of your schedule for the day, “well, I have a sound check in a little over an hour, maybe a quick dance rehearsal. Then a small lunch, meet and greet, then we get ready for the show.”

Natasha pulls over and parks the car, so she can really pay attention to the call before you have to end it.

“Sounds like you’re gonna be busy… as always,” Wanda jokes. She manages to pull a genuine smile from you and it makes her heart soar.

“As always,” you playfully agree.

Your other girlfriend takes the phone, “be safe and have fun!”

“Okay-“

“and for the love of god, drink water,” she quickly adds. You try and fail to hide the blush forming in your cheeks.

Damn, they know you so well.

“I will,” you promise, “can I call you after the show?”

Your girlfriends share a look, and you know they are having a silent conversation in they’re heads. When they’re done, Wanda answers, “maybe, it will depend on where we are in the mission. We will text you to let you know, ok?”

It’s not what you wanted, but it’s better than no contact at all. So, you’ll take it. “Ok, I guess I probably need to be heading back,” you grab your coffee and stand, making your way to the exit.

“Have a great show! Break a leg!” Natasha encourages you with a smile.

Wanda mirrors her, “we love you so much, and we are so incredibly proud of you.”

“I love you both too,” you smile warmly to them. You blow them a kiss and end the call. You make your way to Gary, so you both can walk to the venue.

You miss your girls greatly, but right now, you need to focus on the performance.

The call ends, and Wanda slumps into her seat.

The Sokovian looks to her girlfriend, “I hate lying to her.”

“Me too, but don’t worry. It’ll be worth it,” the Russian kisses her softly. She puts the car in drive and they continue they’re journey.

🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶

A loud ringing sound fills your ears.

You just finished one of your most popular songs, and the audience is cheering. You hold the pose for another moment before you turn to the stage hand who carries your water bottle and acoustic guitar.

“Thank you,” you take the water and drink greedily while the band plays transition music. Switching the water bottle for the guitar, you get ready to continue the show.

Up next in the set is the empty slot.

Every performance, about 2/3 through the show, you have a slot which you get to use as you wish. Often times, you will pull a fan on stage, which is always a blast. Sometimes, you just want to sing a song not from the set list.

Tonight, you decided to sing a special song.

Walking down to the end of the catwalk, you strum the guitar while the band fades out slowly. Waiting for you at the end of the platform is a stool and two microphones on stands. One for you to sing into and the other to pick up the guitar.

Sitting down, you take a moment to look around. You strum lightly, surrounded by audience members. Some standing right beside the stage, looking up at you excitedly.

“Is it alright with you guys if I slow things down a bit?” you ask into the mic.

Happy cheers sound all around you making you smile widely to them all.

“Thanks,” you continue to strum, “I kinda want to tell you guys a story. It’s about a girl who liked to make music; I bet you can guess who that girl was.”

They cheer again, and you chuckle.

“Yep, its about me, back before I released a song, before I dropped an album, before that album hit the top of the charts. Back when performing in a stadium like this,” you pause to look around, eyes scanning all the way from the audience members on the floor to the ones up in the nosebleeds, “was just a pipe dream.”

“I used to play in these little hole in the wall venues around New York, café’s, a few bars, a park or two.” Pausing to take a breath, you glance down to your hands as they manipulate the strings to produce sound. You look back up and continue, “one day, I was playing in a little coffee shop, and the two most beautiful women I’ve ever seen walked in.”

At the reference to your girlfriends, the crowd goes crazy, erupting into applause and screams.

Your connection to them is well known all around the world. The relationship between two avengers and a very popular music artist has hit headlines multiple times over the past few years. Almost all being positive.

The three of you are seen as champions for the queer community and the first major representation of a throuple and poly relationships in general. Your fans being some of your biggest supporters with their social media fan pages all over the internet.

You laugh at their excitement, “ok, so you know which two women I’m talking about? Well, they sat in that coffee shop all day listening to me play, and I guess you know, the rest is history.” Smiling softly, you make sure to keep your voice from shaking. Maybe telling the story of how you met the loves of your life while you are missing them so much wasn’t the greatest idea, but here you are.

“The funny thing about this story,” you smile widely, “is that it took place exactly four years ago today.”

They all begin to scream again, and you have to wait for them to quiet down.

“So you can imagine today is a pretty special day to me,” you chuckle, “so to honor this special day, I would like to play a very special song. It was actually one of the ones I played in that coffee shop that day, so…. here we go.”

Plucking at the guitar strings, you let the sound of the crowd fade away, as you focus on the song and the two you wish were here to hear it….. and then you sing….

“I've been beaten down. I've been kicked around, but she takes it all for me...

... and I lost my faith in my darkest days, but she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.

She is love, and she is all I need. Yeah, yeah.”

In this moment, you could hear a pin drop.

The audience is silent. Out of thousands of people, no one makes a sound. Every soul in the stadium is mesmerized as you play.

It’s incredible, like you have stopped time, creating a bubble around yourself and your guitar while the rest of them remain frozen.

From their seats, Wanda and Natasha watch just as entranced as the others. Tears fill their eyes as they are transported back 4 years ago. They’ve admitted that the moment you played this song in the coffee shop that day, that was the moment they knew they were going to fall in love with you.

You’ve played them this song on this day every year since, and you didn’t break the tradition today.

Wanda squeezes Natasha’s hand, gaining her attention. They share a glance, and in each other’s eyes, they see the love they share for you reflecting back at them. Turning back at the stage, they fall under your spell again.

They somehow fall even more in love with you as you continue to sing.

“Well, I had my ways. They were all in vain, but she waited patiently.

It was all the same. All my pride and shame, but she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.

She is love, and she is all I need. She is love, and she is all I need.

She's all I need.”

The last note echoes through the stadium as the song ends. A moment of silence follows as no one wants to break the moment.

Through the silence, you think you hear a voice in your head.

“We love you more than you will ever know, Y/n.”

Instantly, you stand.

“Wanda?” you ask loudly in your mind.

While the crowns applauses, your eyes search the audience even though you doubt you would be able to spot her even if she was here.

‘But she’s not here,’ you have to remind yourself.

“Everything ok?” your stage manager asks through the intercom in your ear. You must have been standing there a while.

Turning back to the main part of the stage, you answer her, “yeah, I’m good.”

You pass off your guitar for a microphone and move on to the next song.

🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶

“Ready to head back to the hotel?” Gary asks, when you meet him at the stage door.

You crack an exhausted smile, “you have no idea.”

He opens the door, and you step out onto the sidewalk.

As you cross the threshold, you are met with cold night air and the crowd of fans that have gathered at the stage door. You have to hold back your sigh.

Even though all you wanna do is crawl into bed, you love one on one interaction with your fans. With a wide smile, you pull a sharpie out of your bag and greet the group.

“Y/n, can you sign this?” a woman asks, holding out a vinyl record of your album.

“Sure!” you oblige happily.

A small girl and her grown-up approach, and you can tell the child is a bit nervous. Dropping to her level, you ask, “what can I do you for, beautiful girl?”

She smiles widely and asks for a picture.

This pattern continues as you move from person to person, taking pictures, signing photos, tshirts, books.

Gary stands a few feet away from you, watching ready to intervene in a moments notice if needed. He quickly glances around the street, checking the environment for possible threats. Looking to the side, two very familiar individuals catch his eye.

One brings a finger to her lips in a ‘shhhh’ symbol. The bodyguard smiles smugly and nods, returning his focus to his charge.

Next, you see an individual about your age. They wear a gender-nonbinary button on their jacket and hold a flag in their hand. “Hi, I’m a huge fan of you and your girlfriends,” they greet sheepishly, “actually….. you three kinda inspired me to finally come out to my family. Would you sign my poly flag, please?”

Your heart swells and smile ear to ear, “I would be honored!” Moments like this made everything worth it. You sign the flag and take a picture with before you had to move on to the next fan.

Before you can speak to the next one, Gary steps up beside you, “I’m sorry guys, but Miss Y/n needs to get going.” He gently starts directing you to the side, away from the group.

As you turn to stop him, your eyes pass over two people at the opposite end of the block. You do a double take to make sure you are really seeing correctly.

There with in walking distance is the two people you have wanted to see most all night. Without another thought, you break into a sprint to get to them immediately. Once close enough, you launch yourself into their arms, and they wrap around you tightly.

There is no stopping the happy tears that fall down your cheeks. It’s just been so long, and you are finally together.

Pulling back, you can see they both have tears in their eyes too. You lean forward capturing Wanda’s lips between your own.

You hear cheering mixed with the sound of photos being taken. You can’t bring yourself to care about the paparazzi photos that will circle the internet tomorrow.

All you care about is the two women in your arms.

Kissing Wanda feels like home. You deepen the kiss, trying to heal all of the ache and longing in it.

Beside you, Natasha clears her throat. “I missed you too, detka,” she teases sarcastically.

Wanda and you both laugh, ending the kiss with a final peck.

“Sorry,” you turn to the red head and wrap your arms around her neck. Bringing her into a kiss just as passionate as the one you gave Wanda, you squeal when she you picks up and spins around.

By the time she set you back on your feet, you feel dizzy from her kiss. You pull away to catch your breath, and Wanda resumes her place in the embrace.

Realization hits, and you turn to the witch wide eyed. “That was you I heard in my head after She is Love!”

The Sokovian crinkles her nose and smiles, “guilty.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” you look between the two questioningly.

“We wanted it to be a surprise,” Natasha shrugs.

“Sorry to interrupt,” your body-guard approaches, “the car is just around the corner here. You may wish to continue this reunion at the hotel.” He gestures to the crowd still gathered watching the three of you intently.

“Lead the way,” Natasha agrees, taking your hand and following the man.

He opens the back door for you all to get in, Wanda first and then you.

“Thanks Gary,” you smile before climbing in with Natasha right behind you. You sigh happily with your girlfriends on each side of. The three of you do nothing but snuggle the whole ride to the hotel.

“I’m still confused,” you state.

You lie on the hotel bed with your head in Wanda’s lap and Natasha lying beside you.

The three of you are freshly showered. The room service you ordered has been eaten. There is a movie playing on the tv, but no one is watching it. You are too focused on each other.

You look up at Wanda with a furrowed brow, “you’re supposed to be on a mission. How are you here?”

“Yeah, Fury tried to send us on a mission,” Natasha laughs, “after the briefing this morning, it was clear we were not needed. The rest of the team agreed they could handle it on their own.”

Wanda runs her fingers through your hair, “Tony lent us his fastest car, and we came as quick as we could.”

“We weren’t going to miss being with you,” the assassin places a delicate kiss to your head, “especially not today.”

Your two girlfriends make eye contact, and Wanda nods.

The assassin presses another kiss to your head and gets up from the bed to fetch something.

You whine at the loss of contact, but Wanda smiles and soothes you softly. Waiting for her to get back seems to take forever, and when she returns, she holds something behind her back.

“What do you have?” you ask amused and curious. You try to peak behind her back, but she moves so you are unsuccessful.

The Russian lays back in her spot, keeping her hand behind her back. “We had a plan to surprise you onstage, but because of the briefing, we didn’t make it in time to arrange it with your stage manager.”

“We were going to ask you during the concert,” Wanda smiles, “but this will do just as well.”

“Ask me wha-“

The words stop in your throat as Natasha finally reveals the small box from behind her back. As she opens it to display the ring inside, your eyes grow glassy.

“Will you marry us?” Natasha asks. She is looking at you like you hung the stars.

A tear slips down your cheek when you nod, “yes. Yes, of course! Yes!”

The widow grins as she slips the ring on your finger. She leans down to kiss you soundly. You then quickly sit up to kiss Wanda as well.

Pulling back from the kiss, you look down to your hand in awe. Looking between both Wanda and Natasha, you whisper, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” they say in unison.

For a moment, you get lost in their eyes, the two most beautiful set of eyes. Then you pull them both in for another short, but passionate kiss.

The three of you sink beneath the covers. Wanda and Natasha burrow into you as close as possible while you bask in their love.

The three of you lay and talk and catch each other looking at the ring on your finger. Occasionally, they bring you hand to their lips tenderly.

Eventually, you succumb to the exhaustion of the day, falling into a deep sleep safe in the arms of your fiancés.

#wandanat x reader #wanda x reader #natasha x reader #wanda x natasha #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff #wanda maximov x reader #natasha romanov x reader #wanda maximov x natasha romanov #wanda x natasha x reader #MCU #fem!reader #singer!reader #wlw #poly relationship #she is love #parachute

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thewisebyers · 10 months

Text

I Feel So Good if I Just Say the Word (R.B x Reader)

prompt: reader is in love with her best friend Robin and has a hard time saying it; based off Sussudio by Phil Collins, takes place in 1985 (only because Breakfast Club and No Jacket Required came out that year, no canon events happen) warning(s): internalized homophobia, a little angsty but happy ending, not proof-read, not edited so let me know if there’s any errors requested?: no but this song screams Robin and i needed to write for my girl word count: 1.9k

There's a girl that's been on my mind All the time Sussusudio

"Put on something" Robin pleaded from the plush bean bag chairs you had set up down in your basement. You were trying to pick out the perfect movie to watch with your best friend but you were having a hard time choosing between two movies. Breakfast Club or Carrie? Breakfast Club was newer; only coming out earlier that year but Carrie was one of your favorites. You always rooted for Carrie; the poor girl was just trying to survive high school. You knew what that was like all too well and maybe that was why you resonated with Carrie a little too much. You just wished you were normal; instead you questioned who you were and why you didn't like boys like the other girls in your class. You'd pretend to check out Billy's butt like the other girls in your class but you didn't get the appeal; boys' butts were usually flatter than a pancake.

"Breakfast Club or Carrie?" you turned toward your friend holding each tape beside your head to show her her limited options. She scrunched her nose but pointed to Breakfast Club, you were a bit disappointed but popped the VHS into the player anyway. After pressing play, you quickly make your way back next to your friend. She hands you the bowl of fresh popped popcorn you had finished preparing on the stove before she had arrived for your weekly movie marathon. Marathon was pushing it; the two of you watched about one and a half movies before talking over the rest of the second movie and then forgetting about the TV completely. "Did you see how short Faith Gilmore cut her bangs?" Robin started; not even five minutes into the movie. You giggled at the memory; Faith walking into third period with part of her bangs sticking up because they just wouldn't flatten correctly.

Before you knew it; the two of you were absorbed in each other, forgetting the movie entirely. You listened as she rambled about a test she surely flunked because she forgot to study. You scowled her because you had spent the night together and she had never mentioned a test; you would have made her study instead of gossiping over magazines and gushing about the new Phil Collins album that had been out for a few months now. Robin didn't understand your obsession with the album but you found yourself rewinding the first song over and over again on your cassette player. She makes me nervous and makes me scared.

Her smile lit up her entire her face and you swore you could get lost counting the freckles on her freckle splattered face; your heart ached in a way that you wished it wouldn't. You weren't supposed to feel this way; not about girls. Not about your best friend. Her body was turned towards yours; blanketed knees touching, fabric getting in the way of physical contact. You felt your cheeks grow warm at the thought of entangling your legs in hers and rubbing the soft skin of her thigh. Your body suddenly felt too warm and you had to fling the blanket off of you but in the process you accidentally knock the popcorn off of your lap. "Shit," you curse as popcorn flies everywhere.

Robin raises an eyebrow. "Okay, spaz, what was that about?" she questions while picking popcorn off of her lap. She had a few pieces in her hair and you cursed yourself again for being such an idiot. Your face burned as you frantically began picking up the popcorn; you didn't answer her, refusing to look at her. How could you explain yourself? Sorry I got too deep in thought about how adorable your smile is. No, never. You knew Robin liked girls as well; you had been best friends for so long and she had confided in you were she was struggling with her feelings. You didn't say anything at the time but her telling you about her sexuality had made you realize your own. When Robin said she liked girls it was like something had clicked in your brain and suddenly you were seeing girls in that way. "Okay," Robin says slowly, stretching out the word, after you didn't answer; putting an emphasizing the 'o'.

She begins to pick up popcorn which makes you feel worse for some reason; like you shouldn't have ruined the mood to begin with. Like you shouldn't have a crush on your best friend. Your hands begin to shake and before you can stop yourself; a stream of tears begins running down your face. "Hey! Whoa!" Robin exclaims once she notices the tears and sniffles; she throws the popcorn she had been collecting back on the ground before moving over to you and grabbing your shoulders. "I was just kidding. Are you okay? It's really no big deal. It's just pop-"

"It's not that," you cut her off; you felt raw and exposed like you shouldn't be crying right now. You really shouldn't be crying right now but sobs shook your body as you look down at the half-empty bowl in your lap. You couldn't look at her and you needed a moment. "Excuse me," you said quickly, getting up and running up the basement stairs. Robin didn't know if she should follow or finish help cleaning up the popcorn; she decided to do the latter figuring you needed a moment and she didn't want you to have to worry about the mess when you returned. But she'd be lying if she said she wasn't confused; what had happened to make you suddenly burst out like that? Were you okay?

Once the mess was cleaned up, Robin took the bowl full of floor popcorn and went upstairs to throw away the food and to also find you. She dumped the snack into the trashcan and put the empty bowl into the sink. "Y/N?" she called from the kitchen. She started making her way down the hall towards your bedroom; stopping to smile at your sixth grade that your mom kept hanging in the hallway. You hated it; your braces were very present and were basically the star of the show. You look beautiful, your mom had said but you just didn't believe her. It was Robin's favorite picture of you ever because she had been giving the cameraman bunny ears to try to get you to smile because you hated your braces. "Y/N?" she said again, knocking on your door. The room right at the end of the hall. "Are you okay?" she asked softly, in her sweet raspy voice.

The softness made you want to melt and your heart began to race again. Your face flushed when you realized there was no avoiding this-her. A sigh rumbled through your body as you sat against your door; your heart ached knowing Robin was on the other side, worried about you. You didn't know what to say, what to do. Maybe if you were so quiet she'd just disappear. But she wouldn't; she'd worry and wait the whole night if she had to. "Y/N?" she repeated; worry creeping in her voice. She tried to open to door but it was locked. "Y/N? Come on, what's going on? Are you okay?" She tried the door again; as if it would magically open for her if she tried enough times.

You quickly got up from your spot; standing in front of the locked door. "I'm in love with you," you finally blurted out, not being able to hold it in any longer. You instantly wished you could take the words back but now the air was thick with anticipation and anxiety. Your body shook as the silence was eating you alive; devouring you, leaving your stomach in knots. Tears begin pooling in your eyes again; panic taking over when you heard clicking noises coming from your lock. Was she trying to pick your lock? Oh my god she was trying to pick your lock. You quickly leaned your weight against the door as she tried to make her way into the room. "No! Don't!" But it was too late; it was like Robin had suddenly become the strongest person in the world because she was pushing her way in despite your best efforts.

You turn away from her once she's made her way into your room; you couldn't face her. You couldn’t look at her, you felt sick. You were ruining your friendship right then and there but you couldn't take it back. You couldn't get her out of your head; your only thoughts were her and her dorky smile and how she smelled like vanilla and old books despite you hardly seeing her reading anything besides a magazine or an assignment for school. "Look at me," she turns your body by placing her hands on your shoulders and forcing your face close to hers. "You don't have to say it again," she breathed, her cheeks glowing a shade of crimson. "I just-I love you too and I don't want you to think you can't tell me anything because- fuck! I've been in love with you since you moved to Hawkins!" she admitted, throwing her hands up in exaggeration. That was in third grade; when Dick Robertson kicked dirt in your face (because you were new and because he could) and Robin pushed him into the mud, telling him next time she'd push him in front of the tire swing. You didn't think she'd actually do and later on she admitted she wouldn't have but the two of you still laughed at the look on his face.

Your face burned at her admission; had she really liked your this entire time? Every sleepover? Every lingering glance that you thought maybe something was there. There had been something there; from both of you and you had never realized. Had she told you she liked girls because she wanted to know how you'd react? To know if you liked her too? Well you did; it just had taken you a painfully long time to fucking realize it. Had she really liked you this entire time and you didn't realize it? "Really?" you finally found your voice; quieter and softer than usual but it was all you could muster. She nodded; moving her hands to hold your face to look at her. Her eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue you had ever seen in your life and you knew you could get lost in them if you left yourself. You wanted to get lost in them; in her. As if reading you thought; her eyes flickered to your lips before closing the space between your lips.

She tasted like cherry chapstick, a peppermint she had been sucking on earlier, and the salty popcorn the two of you had been sharing before you spilt it everywhere. It was a beautiful combination that had your mind going completely blank as you kissed your best friend back. You had only ever imagined kissing Robin; wondering exactly what she tasted like and now you couldn't get enough. Your hands gripped the front of her t-shirt; as if she'd float away if you let go, you kissed over and over until you were both out of breath. "Weird way of getting out of watching Breakfast Club," she said once you were apart and she had caught her breath from your frenzied kissing. You just laughed; relief filling your body as your watched your friend with what you could only call heart-filled eyes. You pull her into another kiss before she can say anything else; happy to be honest with yourself and free to be with the girl you couldn't get off your mind.

#robin buckley #robin buckley imagine #robin buckley x reader #reader x robin buckley #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley x yn #stranger things imagine #stranger things #thewisebyers #my work #yn x robin buckley

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magical-regical · 20 days

Text

Continuing my L&DS hyperfixation but also because Owl City just released a new single, here are some owl city songs that remind me of each LI and Caleb

Go under the cut if you want some extremely long commentary on why I picked the songs I did. If you don't care what I have to say, please peruse this TLDR;

Xavier: If My Heart Was a House

Zayne: Car Trouble

Rafayel: My Muse, Rainbow Veins

Caleb: Hot Air Balloon, The Bird and The Worm

Ah you're still here. A few disclaimers before you continue:

Whenever I mention MC in this, I will be using she/her pronouns.

I haven't listened to every owl city song in existence and some songs didn't stick with me the way the songs listed here did so if you think my takes are garbage and I'm a big dumb stupid idiot for not considering the song you're thinking of, uh, feel free to make your own post abt it.

I know sweet f a abt music theory so I'm just going based off vibes and lyrics not composition.

I haven't read Xavier's or Zayne's myth stories to completion and haven't read Rafayel's at all.

Anyway, without further ado, enjoy my lukewarm takes.

Xavier

youtube

This song makes me so soft and it's way too easy to imagine Xavier and MC dancing to this. The first lines sound like he's reminiscing of the time he had with MC in her past lives,

You're the sky that I fell through, and I remember the view whenever I'm holding you

The sun hung from a string, looking down on the world as it warmed over everything.

Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine.

Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me.

He pulls her in closer as the first pre-chorus plays. And the two pre-chorus' in this song sound like a conversation between him and his memory of past!MC.

The first one:

We got older and I should've known,

Do you feel alive?

That I'd feel colder when I walk alone

Oh, but you'll survive

The second one:

I walk slowly when I'm on my own

Do you feel alive?

Yea but frankly, I still feel alone.

Oh, but you'll survive

And then the chorus hits and the vibes are immaculate. It feels like you're floating on air and imagine how Xavier looks at MC when the last few lines play,

Risk it all 'cuz I'll catch you if you fall,

Wherever you go,

If my heart was a house, you'd be home.

Because she is the celestial body that orbits around him, his north, his guiding star, and his heart will always be her home.

Zayne

And you can't convince me this isn't one of the songs that plays at their wedding.

youtube

This is the catalyst of this post's creation. As of writing this, it's the newest single and I am obsessed with it. So strap in folks, I have a lot to say.

First of all, the first thirty seconds of this song was released as a preview titled 'Floppy Fish' that came out ten years ago and we didn't hear anything else about it until suddenly we get a tweet about it four days ago (as of writing this part) and then this masterpiece. I think it reflects Zayne and MCs relationship quite well, they were childhood friends, lost contact for a while, and now they're reunited to build another beautiful relationship.

On to the song itself, the overall song is about going back to see the person you love even through all sorts of car troubles. The car theme immediately screamed 'Zayne' to me because out of all the boys we see him drive MC around the most.

It's a very upbeat song which contrasts Zayne's stoic personality but the whole song is something I can imagine actually happening to him.

I see the first verse as Zayne trying his damndest to finish up work instead of having actual car troubles,

I've been driving all afternoon, but I hate to say it, I won't be there soon = him working all afternoon and still having to do overtime

And though I'm late you know I just can't wait to come home to my slice of heaven on toast.

But my GrandPrix broke down without fail, another flat tire and another nail = the 'tire' being the hearts he has to operate on and 'another nail' referring to his surgeon's tools (even though the nail in the song is the thing that broke the tire in the first place not the thing fixing the flat)

I miss your smile but this could take a while 'cause this 'road closed' sign says there's no way around. = he can't just ditch work, obviously.

The second verse and chorus is him actually running out of gas on his way back from Akso and just describes his situation. Walking through the rain, only stopping to buy flowers for her.

Hey, it's kinda crazy what daisies jasmines can do.

And then these lines from the third verse,

I'd hand you a coffee right when you woke up

and

... all I find is all these highways wind and lead back to my slice of heaven on toast.

are so cute. Especially the 'slice of heaven on toast' thing since I imagine a slice of heaven on toast would taste sweet.

But wait, it gets better. Because the chorus that comes after goes,

Oh would your heart kind of glow if I held your hand and I promised to stay home?

Hey, when I blow in that's the first thing I'll do

It might take me forever

But I love you forever and I can't wait to see you.

I'm dead. I'm deceased. I am a puddle of goo on the ground.

The bridge is the most upbeat part of the song and I imagine that's when he gets a call from MC because she's worried about him. Because honestly the line, 'Am I unavoidably detained or extremely fashionably late?' sounds like the kind of dry humor he'd enjoy.

And the song ends as he hangs up and continues his long journey on public transport to come home to her.

Rafayel

Now, fish boy gets two songs because I associate each one with what I like to call 'light mode' and 'dark mode' Rafayel.

I chose both songs because they had like, a lot of imagery involved in them and lean heavily into his whole artist job. So this isn't going to be as in depth as Zayne's lol.

Anyway,

youtube

This is light mode Rafayel. The whole song is him talking to MC. He's all happy-go-lucky and filled with inspiration. With how important color is to his current career the song just felt perfect.

The chorus also adds a few nice tidbits of his character,

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains

And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins

'Cause your heart has a lack of color and we should've known

That we'd grow up sooner or later, 'cause we wasted all our free time alone

The first two lines sound like something he'd actually say when he's trying to comfort MC.

The line 'we wasted all our free time alone' sticks out to me because you ever notice this guy doesn't have any friends? Like, Xavier has Jeremiah and the countless old people he's made friends with when they're in their youth and Zayne has his coworkers at the hospital and his old profs. Raffy doesn't really have anyone like that? Sure he has Thomas and his Aunt Talia but judging by how fast they hung up on him after barely wishing him a happy birthday, I can't in good conscience call them his friends.

So yea maybe our boy was so focused on finding MC again he wasted all his free time alone.

youtube

Then we have dark mode Rafayel. And no I don't mean dark as in Rafayel when he's in revenge plot mode (whatever that is I don't have enough brain cells to comprehend what his plan could possibly be). I mean dark mode as in it's quite literally night time and he is left with nothing but his own thoughts. MC fell asleep at his place again and he's wistfully staring at her sleeping figure. This is the song in those moments.

Like Xavier, he's reminiscing about the past lives and past MCs. He's remembering the first time he met and the moment he decided she was the one. She was his bride. He's listing all the things he loves about her (which basically boils down to 'everything!'). She is his muse, now and forever.

And then the song ends with:

So I'll say it now before we're at the door that someday we'll walk through,

And if I'm the only one left in the room...

There's nowhere else I'd rather be than home with you.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my heart cracking in two. He will sing you this last line as he pulls you closer, pressing your forehead against his before giving you a nice, long kiss.

Honorable mention goes to the song 'Sunburn' because it's about meeting someone, falling in love, and having to separate in the end (hence, 'she got a tan and I got a sunburn' and 'as we parted ways, she held my gaze and left an imprint on my mind'). I could go deeper and analyze each line like I did w/ Zayne but I've kept the Caleb girlies waiting long enough so we'll stop Raffy's part here.

Caleb

Caleb also gets two songs I chose two songs that have heavy 'childhood friends to lovers' vibes and fitting imagery and I told myself this one was gonna be short and sweet because we don't have as much depth abt his relationship w/ the MC compared to the current LIs but welp, I lied.

youtube

'Hot Air Balloon' is the most childhood friends song ever. Every single lyric is just every adventure these two went on when they were children. Writing their own fairy tales, making a racetrack around the kitchen chairs, going on a picnic to a nearby lake and getting a stomachache because you drank lake water even though Grandma Josephine told you specifically not to do that, the list just goes on and on.

It's them. It's little MC and Caleb with lightning in their veins and stars in their eyes as they explore the world around them, not a care in the world because the possibilities are quite literally endless when they have the other person by their side.

youtube

And then if 'Hot Air Balloon' was 'childhood friends—', 'The Bird And The Worm' adds on the '—to lovers' part of the trope.

I mean the entire first verse reads like the two kids playing pretend (because let's face it you've had one or two weirdly morbid play pretend sessions when you were a kid) with little Caleb saying he's the bird because of his evol and then little MC's like "then what does that make me?" And little Caleb's like "you're the worm ofc!"

Esp the part about throwing a party and greeting undersea friends (hi Raffy). I could imagine little MC telling little Caleb how she's going to invite the mermaid she made friends with at the beach to their 'party' and Caleb just not having any of it.

I'll throw a party and greet my undersea friends

(it depends)

As they arrive,

(if they arrive)

Then the chorus reads like a time skip. They're adults reminiscing about their childhood at one of the rare moments their schedules align,

You and I left our troubles far behind,

But I still have just one more question on my mind

For all my pals who live in the oceans and the seas

With friends like these well, who needs enemies?

In that moment they're back to being just MC and Caleb, not a hunter and a fighter pilot. And the last two lines sound like they're trading workplace gossip. Caleb tells her about the shenanigans his colleagues get up to and MC telling him about all the...'quirky' people she's been running into (hi Xav) and then being cheeky and going 'with friends like these, who needs enemies?'

And then you move to the second verse and it's them on a date. It's them on the most damn wholesome date you can imagine, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

Like first they go apple picking,

If I'm your boy, we'll take a short cut we remember and we'll enjoy—

—picking apples in late September like we've done for years.

We'll take a long walk through the cornfield and I'll kiss you between the ears.

Then they come home and cook together (maybe make a pie with the apples they just picked or some other apple based dish?),

And as we twirl, the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling will shine for us

If you're my girl, swirl me around your room with feeling

As love sweeps over the room cuz' we tend to make, each other blush

(you make me blush)

They're so used to each other's presence even in a kitchen that can be considered a little cramped, they can perfectly navigate around each other.

After the two had eaten a delicious dinner, they are now cuddled on the couch with a blanket over the two of them, some movie playing on the TV. MC starts nodding off so Caleb picks her up and moves her to the bedroom, letting her snuggle against him. He brushes some loose strands of hair away so he can kiss her forehead,

"Love ya pipsqueak, sleep well."

And before drifting off he hears MC mumble a sleepy "I love you too..."

And that's how their perfect day ends.

You're the bird, I'm the worm and it's plain to see,

That we were meant to be.

----------------------------------------------------------

Author's rambling

Haaaa, I finally finished it yay! If you're reading this, thanks for reading this far! (or if you're a Caleb stan and just decided to read his part only, hello!)

I hope you enjoyed my takes. This was fun, I loved breaking down each song and just rambling my heart out over why each song gives me vibes for which character.

#xavier love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #rafayel love and deepspace #caleb love and deepspace #shen xinghui #li shen #qi yu #xia yizhou #love and deepspace #l&ds #lnds

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rensimps · 7 months

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Wrong Number {L.F, SKZ}

chapter 8

summary: when texting your friends new number turns to you making friends with a memelord and his friends.

warnings: fluff, crack, very bad sense of humor, angst if you squint, a lot of swearing

word count: 756

It's been a few weeks since you and Jackson had started working with the 3 "small producers", and honestly you really liked working with them. they are respectful and honest, speaking out on things that should be changed and what they think could be done better and you and Jackson listened.

For the most part the song you 5 have been working on is complete, Chris had messaged you about lyrics and you both sent ideas to eachother, asking opinions and what should be added. you had already finished writing the lyrics you both worked on and now all you had to do was sing and rap your parts. your part was the chorus where you would do a fast rap and then transition to singing, Chris wanted your sing part to be strong and rough but confident as well as it fit with the lyrics. your singing voice was mostly breathy and light but on song currently you opted for a more growl type (yknow, like ado?).

As for Chris and the other 2, you had no idea where they'd put their parts in but you trusted them enough. Jackson on the other hand, worked with Chris and Seungheon on the song and the beat. When you first listened to the finish product you honestly thought it could fit in with 3racha well with Jacksons vibes scattered on it but you let the thought pass by.

★彡

Today was the last day before holidays from uni for you and your friends. you all had decided to crash at Jacksons place to have fun and drink in celebration of finishing all your tests.

Jackson was currently sat on a bean bag infront of his TV playing some games with Lexis as you and Jiyeon started on dinner for the evening. You helped Jiyeon with most of it, dinner being Kimchi Jjigae, some bulgogi with various side dishes, a side of tofu to dip into the jjigae if they wanted to and some fish cakes. You brought out a few plates and placed them on the coffee table infront of the couch and called everyone in for food. Jiyeon came striding in with a cooler which you assumed was full of alcohol. She picked some stuff to start with, like beer, soju and makgeolli. you snatched the makgeolli before anyone else could and lexis whined out, something about it being her favorite but you just stuck out your tongue at her.

As you all sat and chatted for a while, your phone dinged a few times. you took your phone and saw a message from lix, your friend you had been talking to for a few months, you two had gotten close in the time you had been messaging, often playing games with eachother like genshin or fortnite, which you definitely carried. You opened your phone to see what he sent.

Mona Lixa: Y/NNNN WANNA PLAY SOME GAMES? I FINISHED MY SCHEDULE FINALLY

sent 21;38

You laughed at how excited he seemed, and sent a reply back with some memes

Y/N: can't rn, I'm having dinner w my friends tonight bc we finished our exams, later maybe if you're still up?

sent 21;40

Mona Lixa: boohh, fine ig I can wait, have fun! I'm gonna beat you this time frfr

sent 21;42

You laughed at his message and liked it before closing your phone, only looking up when Jiyeon called your name.

"y/n, you've been laughing your phone a whole lot lately, did you get a boyfriend? are you cheating on me?" Jiyeon said in faux of fence but also wriggling her eyebrows at you. You scoffed at her but smiled nonetheless and pushed her shoulder slightly. "as if, it's just a friend of mine, he's been whining about how I can't play games with him right now."

"oooooh what friend? I didn't know you had friends other than us" lexis teased, pointed her chopsticks at you accusingly. "yah! fuck you mean other than you! I have plenty of friends" you pouted "he's the person that I texted when Jackson gave me the wrong number, he's actually funny unlike you guys" you smirked as everyone gasp at what you said. they all jumped up and started throwing pillows at you as you screamed and laughed the night away.

★彡

After a few hours at Jacksons place you went back to your apartment. You walked in, took off your shoes, and immediately head to your fridge to drink a bottle of water and hangover supplements to not feel like death in the morning. as you finished drinking the water your phone dinged again, this time a message from Chris.

"Chris": Hey, finished the song, well send it to you but we have to tell you guys something first.

sent 01;23

you furrowed your eyebrows at the cryptic messaged, heading to your bedroom and laid down before replying.

Y/N: That's great! I'll message Jackson to hop on to the group chat then

sent 01;28

★彡

«prev mast next»

taglist:

taglist: @lauraliisa @smoltika @dreeener @tfshouldidohere @ilychee08 @schniti-is-in-the-house @strawberry31 @deadmans-toe @2137natalia @jiisungllvr @lixielovesme

#bang chan #han jisung #skz #skz x reader #lee felix #lee know #straykids #changbin #hyunjin #skz text fic #skz text #skz smau #lee felix text fic #lee felix smau #lee felix x reader

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therealitysculptor · 10 days

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐊

Hello, everyone! I came up with an ask game for shifters, so feel free to reblog it with your answers or have your friends/anons ask for a particular number for you to answer. You can also tag your friends, if you'd like.

As a disclaimer, some of these questions may be a bit personal, so do not feel obligated to answer if you don't feel like doing so.

Without further ado, let's get started!

1.) What do you always look forward to do the moment you wake up in your DR? And let's not get technical, I'm talking about what comes after meeting your basic needs like brushing your teeth, eating up, etc. What do you try to accomplish first?

2.) Can you describe your DR without giving it away? Try to if you can, and really, I mean try: don't say "I airbend in my DR" because then I could tell it's from the Avatar the Last Airbender franchise.

3.) Would you consider your DR popular or common? There's nothing wrong with it being so, I'm just curious. Again, try not to give away what your DR is; I like keeping the mystery from question two.

4.) Have you shifted to or thought of shifting to a waiting room reality? It's okay if you haven't or do not plan on doing so, but to those who have, what does it look like?

5.) Do you use a different name than the one you are given? Regardless of your answer, what is the reasoning for keeping that name?

6.) If you script, what's something unique you have scripted? By that I mean something that you have come up with yourself, ideally without influence from other shifters or manifestors.

7.) What's the funniest thing that has taken place or that you believe/know will take place in your DR?

8.) What type of aesthetic(s) do you like to embody while in your DR? Remember, we are multidimensional beings, so you do not have to feel obligated to remain faithful to one certain type of aesthetic (personally I find contradicting aesthetics really fun!).

9.) What songs do you associate with your DR? It can be in relation to you, people you know there, or certain moments that you are anticipating to take place in your DR. Feel free to share as many as you'd like!

10.) If you are comfortable sharing, what faith system are you operating from as a shifter? I am not here to question your beliefs; I just think it's cool to meet people from all walks of life.

11.) If you knew about shifting when you were younger, do you think you would have taken the chance to shift? If not, why? If so, where do you think you would have gone to?

12.) What online resources do you use to help you get in the mood for shifting? You can be as general as referring to pinterest, notion, picrew, etc. or you can drop links!

13.) Would you ever introduce the people in your DR to the idea of shifting?

14.) What do you want to be associated with? This could be in relation to themes/tropes, objects, animals, planets, fragrances, places, etc.

15.) If you have shifted to your DR, how did you come to know that you did? For example, was it something you saw that gave it away? Or did you hear a voice, or smelled something that you knew could not have belonged to the reality you shifted away from?

16.) If you haven't shifted to your DR yet, what has kept you from giving up on it? (And listen to me, if you are feeling particularly cynical or insecure: you are worthy, you are deserving, and most importantly, YOU HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE. You have shifted in happiness, in grief, in confusion, and in embarrassment. Your emotions do not impede on your ability to shift. Your thoughts do not impede on your ability to shift. I'm telling you, you have done this before and you'll do it again. Hell, you have shifted without even thinking about it! It can quite literally be effortless. I know it doesn't seem that way right now, but one day you're gonna look back on the time you read this and realize I was right. You didn't fall upon this idea of shifting upon mere chance. It is your birthright. And regardless of anything that may be considered an obstacle, you will achieve that which you seek. And really, think of what you have gone through up until this point and what has driven you to pursue this literal life-changing path. You owe it to yourself to not give up. Chin up, my friend! I have the utmost faith in you <3)

#reality shifting #shifting #shifting motivation #shifting community #shiftblr #shifting antis dni #desired reality #quantum jumping #shifting blog #shifting consciousness #shifting realities

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sevlawless · 2 months

Text

writer in the dark

pairing: m!seven lawless x f!mc (arabella aveiro)

word count: 2.2k

warnings: swearing, two arguments, and arabella being a big fat meanie!

tags: @masonscig @farahhauville @agentdumortain @getyourselfaunicorn

notes: so i’ve had this idea of “rewriting” the late night bus scene with seven in @infamous-if for a while now and actually had most of it written down and just… stopped for whatever reason! but i dusted her off and she's here in all her glory <3 for a mc like arabella specifically, i just wanted her to be a tad bit meaner and madder than what was allowed and i love venting my frustrations with seven in fic form! this fic wasn't inspired by the lorde song i just thought the title was literally perfect for it <3 without further ado…

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

arabella flips through the pages of her songwriting notebook, procrastinating on what she set out to do before bed. any other time lyrics would be pouring out of her but… well, she doesn’t exactly know where to start.

the past month has been overwhelming, to say the least. winning the last spot for battle of the bands, getting accused of cheating for said spot, finding a new drummer, practicing for hours on end everyday, figuring out what to pack, orion telling her she can’t bring her entire wardrobe on tour.

she finally has time to herself, which she’s begun to realize is going to be a luxury moving forward, but she can’t get her thoughts to come out onto the page.

she sighs, clicking her pen incessantly, as if doing that is going to give her the breakthrough she needs. maybe she just needs a change of scenery. who knew her incredibly small bed wouldn’t offer up any inspiration besides a joke song she wrote with devyn earlier about how badly the tour bus smells.

she sits up and pulls the curtain back before slipping out and trudging to the main area, notebook and pen in hand. she stifles a yawn before she opens the divider that separates the beds from the living room.

one look around and she instantly wishes she had stayed in her bunk.

she sees seven sitting at the table. because, of course, who else would be up at this time of night? his back is to her, but it looks like he’s… writing. or, writing something and then immediately crossing it out.

she almost laughs but stops herself.

he lets out a sigh before running his hands through his hair, and she’s hit with a wave of… deja vu? nostalgia? nausea?

her hands clench at her sides, fingers twitching as she resists the urge to walk over to him and push the strands of hair away from his face, something she used to do so often when they were together. she wonders if he ever thinks about it, when she would tease him for wearing a bandana but was seemingly never able to contain his hair within it.

the overwhelming feeling subsides and she has control over her body again. she walks over to the other end of the table, avoiding seven's intense gaze as she feels him staring at her, doing what feels like trying to burn a hole right through her.

she doesn't say anything as she sits on the couch, getting comfortable as she reopens her notebook. she still feels him staring at her.

she came here to write. seven being here shouldn't be a hindrance, but as she tries and fails for the millionth time to put words on the page, she wonders why it feels this way. she used to be so comfortable in his presence, almost always being joined at the hip. they would always be up at odd hours, trying to figure out lyrics to the new songs they were working on.

together. always together.

she can't succumb to that type of thinking right now. not when he's the closest he's been to her in nearly three years and yet so far away. he put that distance between them, and she understands why, but sometimes she wishes the never ending ocean of separation where he ends and she begins wasn't so wide. she just wishes this wasn't the way things were.

but they are. and for the past three years she's tried coming to terms with that, failing miserably at every turn because as much as she wants to hate him, and a part of her really, really, does, she can't bring herself to commit to it fully. how ironic, she realizes, when giving all of herself to him came as easy to her as breathing.

she shakes her head and puts her focus back to her notebook. she's barely written two lines when she hears his voice.

"aveiro."

she grimaces at the way he says her last name. is that really all she is to him now? he can't even call her arabella? there was once a point in time when all she loved hearing was the sound of her name coming from his lips because she knew it was safe there. safe from the people in her life and on the internet who told her she was too arrogant, too rude, too bitchy to survive in the industry they’re in. but she never cared about that, and neither did seven.

she knows, and she's known for a while now, that she won't ever have that sense of safety again. and maybe that’s why he won't call her that.

"what made you choose me?"

she wants to laugh. three years apart, a dozen songs between them clearly about one another, and that's the question that's eating away at him? she knows it's been bothering him because she can feel the uneasiness coming off him in waves. no matter how hard she tries, she'll never be able to just see him. she'll always see the emotions underneath everything he says and does.

"choose you?" she asks.

"when it came down to it, you chose my band. why?"

she decides it's best to be logical in this situation. he can't get mad about that, can he?

"i just thought it made the most sense. underground wastebasket are unpredictable and volatile, if you haven't noticed."

he makes a face and she realizes that was probably the wrong thing to say. but what does he want her to do? admit that she's still so pathetically in love with him? admit that given the choice, of fucking course she's picking him? she would pick seven over anything and anyone, and despite everything, that'll never change.

"what?" she asks, but it comes out as more of a demand. he’s the one asking stupid questions in the middle of the night. he should be grateful she was coherent enough to give him the response she did, the exhaustion and their close proximity taking a toll on her brain.

"nothing about you makes sense to me, but alright."

it used to, she wants to say. i used to make more sense to you than i did to myself.

she scoffs instead, which makes him grimace. good. "does it really matter who i chose?"

"yes."

he says it so quickly it makes her want to laugh, but the sound dies in her throat. she’d rather die than let him hear a genuine laugh from her.

"i'm just trying to figure out what you’re planning."

it takes her a second to realize he’s being dead serious. "what… i'm planning?"

"this is a competition and i'm not clueless, aveiro."

she’s changing her last name by the end of this tour. she rolls her eyes as far back into her head as they can go before laughing pitifully. "you caught me. i'm currently on a mission to ruin your life.” she reopens her notebook and clicks her pen. ”any big allergies since we last spoke? i have to make sure what to spike your food with."

he glares at her. "you're not funny."

which is seven speak for ‘that was funny, but i hate you so it's not.’ she's getting pretty good at this. at this rate, they'll be back together again in no time.

ha.

“you used to laugh at every fucking thing i said.” she blurts out, sudden anger surging through her.

“and look where that got us,” he replies, not even sparing her a glance as he doodles in his notebook. seriously?

“yeah, my humor definitely explains the stick up your ass and why you left-”

he looks up at her now, barking out a dark laugh, his face full of nothing but contempt for her. “we are not discussing that shit tonight.”

she shrugs. he wants to treat her like a villain, she’ll gladly accept the role. “seems as good a time as any. i can tell chuck to park and we can hash this shit out tonight. because i, for one, am tired-”

“oh, you’re tired? how do you-”

“think you feel?” she scoffs. even now, he's minimizing how she feels because how could she possibly understand. “you’re forgetting that i know you. and don’t fucking interrupt me.”

“i’m not doing this with you. you’re acting like a child-”

“oh, that’s fucking rich-”

they stop talking over each other once they hear the sound of someone clearing their throat. they both turn to look and see avina standing in the doorway looking extremely uncomfortable, rubbing the back of their neck.

arabella realizes that seven wasn’t writing alone after all. he was writing with avina. she doesn’t understand why it hurts the way it does, but it makes her stomach drop and makes her feel stupid all at once.

“um,” avina starts, attempting to break the tension still in the air, “maybe we should-”

“don’t worry, i was just leaving.” arabella interjects, quickly grabbing her things from the table. she wants to look at seven before she leaves, but decides better on it. she doesn’t think she could stomach seeing the all too familiar look of hurt on his face. the look he always wears in her dreams before she snaps awake, sweating and shaking.

she knows she shouldn’t, but her body moves against her wishes and her head swivels to look back at the table. seven’s back is to her and avina has their arm wrapped around his shoulders, comforting him in the aftermath. claiming a job that was once hers.

a rage bubbles up inside of her and before she can think better of it, her mouth starts moving, calling out, “have fun writing another song about me. good luck!”

she quickly climbs into bed so she doesn’t have to hear any kind of response, pulling the curtain closed with as much force as she can muster.

her head is throbbing now, and she groans softly as her face hits the pillow. she feels hollow. arguing with seven when they were friends always made her feel uneasy, and that feeling only amplified when they started dating.

three years later and that same anxiety creeps its way back into her heart and leaves her utterly exhausted, hands shaking, with tears pricking the corners of her eyes. god, she feels pathetic. they're not even through the first night on this bus and she's breaking down over an interaction that she escalated.

she wants to blame this all on seven, but she knows deep down she brought this on herself. when they were together, arabella thought that seven only brought out the best in her. three years later, and she knows he’s capable of bringing out the worst in her too.

her phone buzzes beside her in bed and she checks the notification. it's from rowan.

open up.

she rolls her eyes, wanting to text back that he could just open the curtain on her bunk if he really wanted to talk. but she knows he's doing it so she can hide the fact she's been crying before she faces him.

and she hates that. she fucking hates that he knows how she gets dealing with seven, and yet ignored her feelings so blatantly earlier.

she quickly wipes her eyes before sitting up and pulling back the thin curtain to reveal rowan standing there, if a little awkwardly. he's in his pajamas, hands in his pockets.

“hey,” he starts, not exactly sure what to say. “you... okay?”

he grimaces as soon as the words leave his mouth, and if looks could kill, arabella would have just struck him down.

“right,” he chuckles nervously. “stupid question.”

she feels that rage from before, quietly simmering and now back to boiling, face growing hot. “yeah, a stupid ass question, rowan.”

his eyes widen. “i’m sorry, i-”

“can you just leave me alone?” she interrupts, voice cracking at the end of her question. “i know you're trying to be helpful, but i really don't want to talk to you right now.”

“arabella-”

“no,” she says, tone sharp and laced with venom, “you got what you wanted earlier, and now i’m cashing in my favor. we’ll talk later.”

he looks like he wants to protest, but he sighs instead. “okay.” he gives her one last look before walking back to his own bunk.

she groans in frustration before pulling the curtain back closed again. she's going to have it ripped off and they haven't even been on this bus a full day.

tears prick her eyes again and it takes everything in her to not succumb to how awful she feels.

this is all she's ever wanted. she should be happy to be on tour with her best friends, competing in battle of the bands. making a name for herself. finally achieving her dreams.

so why does she feel so bad? why does the past, it seems like, always come back to haunt her?

she glances at her songwriting notebook again and picks it up, along with her pen. she opens it to the first blank page she can find and quickly starts writing down lyrics, her brain going a million miles a minute.

this tour better be fucking worth it, she thinks to herself as she keeps writing.

it has to be.

for everything she's been through, something has to finally work out in her favor. something to make up for everything she's lost and overcome.

and this tour is just the beginning.

#seven lawless x mc #seven lawless #infamous if #infamous #inf: seven x arabella #my writing #to start i had wanted the rowanbella moment at the end to be all cute and yay besties but quickly realized that shit was NAWT #gonna happen LMFAO #so sorry rowan 💔#also can i get a big ole fuck seven in the chat !#god. these characters that only live in my head and in infamous make me insane #as u can see !

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itsscromp · 4 months

Text

New Year’s resolution’s

A bit of a sort of sequel to my Christmas one that I did here, something to start 2024 in the right direction, thank you all so much for supporting my stories thought 2023 and leaving your amazing requests with me. I had a blast to write them for you. So without further ado, happy new year everyone, let’s kick off 2024 shall we ?? Word count:935

Spending Christmas with Alex was easily the best decision you have ever made. You two would spent the whole time playing video games and at one point building a snowman. But then new year's eve quickly came along. Alex decided to throw a small party with a few of his former CIA buddies.

Sure it was fun and all, but New Year's was a bit of an iffy thing for you, Since joining 141 and helping Alex and Farah, you came to learn that it was a little pointless to try to be happy about ringing in a new year. The same global tensions and pointless wars. All the same shit you come to expect every year.

You were sitting by the dining table watching on as Alex and his friend broke out the karaoke machine and began to belt out a song so damn badly, of course, you began recording it. Oh Farah was gonna laugh her ass off seeing this video.

But then one of his friends sat next to you and began to try and have a conversation with you. "You make any New Year's resolutions ??" He asked.

"Nah, don't believe in that. No one keeps them"

"Whaaaaatttt ?? Of course, they do, 2 years ago I made a resolution to get back into shape and look at me, I'm as happy as ever" he said while he also flexed his bicep.

"Good for you I guess..." You didn't want to come off as rude, But again New Year's just wasn't your thing. He continued on about New Year's resolutions and how it's always the best thing ever to start the year fresh. It was really making you tense up a bit.

"But I mean come on, Surely they can't keep they're resolutions right ??"

"Yeah... Sorry, just gonna go outside for a little bit" You excused yourself and grabbed your coat, zipping outside as you then breathed in the cool winter air and took a sip of your beer.

He was a little confused as to why you decided to go out like that, Turning to Alex as he then sat down after singing his heart out. "Hey Alex, is your friend ok ??"

"Why, What's wrong ??" He asked.

"I was just having a conversation with them and they seemed to be a little bit bummed out for some reason"

"Did you say anything..." Protective bestie activate

"No no, I was just talking about New Year's and such"

Alex grew a little confused when he said that, why were you feeling sad on New Year's. "Where are they ??"

"They ducked outside"

Alex nodded, grabbing his coat as well and going outside to find you. His hands in his pockets as he approached you.

"Hey... Is something bugging you ??" He gently asked.

You tried to brush it off initially "Just... not really a party type person" You nervously chuckled.

"Hey... It's ok, I promise" He gently placed an arm around your shoulder and gently squeezed it. "I'm all ear's pal" He softly smiled.

You took a deep breath, trying to find the right words for what you were about to say.

"I... I hate New Year's"

Alex tilted his head in confusion and frowned slightly. "Why do you hate New Year's ??"

You looked out into the open "Every time I hope for something different when a new year arrives, It's always either the same shit or a new problem that we have to fucking solve" You gripped the wood panel lightly. "I just... I really want it to be different"

Alex nodded as he looked out. "I get that, I really do, Sometimes I wish for the same... But can't be helped sometimes. And plus I never liked those New Year's resolutions either, cause no one end's up keeping them"

"Your friend seemed happy about it..."

"Eh, He's a showboat sometimes" He chuckled. "It's... easier to just.. celebrate another year Y'know ?? Especially for us, we made it" He squeezed your shoulder again.

"Yeah..." You nodded as you looked up at him.

"It's a miracle we're all together, no matter what happens" He smiled.

You soon began to smile as well "Yeah... Thank you, Alex"

He nodded his head "Here, how about our own little celebration" He went back inside and grabbed a couple of beers plus a bottle opener, coming back outside and opening his and your bottles. "It's early, but just for us" He handed you your bottle.

You smiled as you grabbed it and took a swig from it.

"This year... To the friends we made and the missions we had, And next year to those same friends and family."

"Yeah... I like that" You nodded smiling

"Whatever next year brings, We've got a team" He raised his bottle.

"Yeah, we do" You clinked his bottle and soon wrapped your arm around him. "You're my ride or die, you know that ??"

He playfully ruffles your hair "Till the rider's die pal"

This wasn't going to change, no matter what the new year brings, you would have Alex by your side always. No matter what. Soon the two heard loud mumbling inside, they were about to go in when they heard fireworks nearby. Even getting a good glimpse at them It was midnight... The new year has begun. Both of you stayed outside and watched the fireworks go off, relishing each other's company.

"Happy new year Alex"

"Happy new year y/n" He wrapped his arm around you again.

This was all you needed, you and Alex. You knew he'd be at your side, Always.

Taglist: @callofdudes @fun-k-board

#platonic #reader insert #alex keller imagine #alex keller x reader #alex keller #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod x reader #call of duty imagine #call of duty x reader #call of duty

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