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nothorses · 3 years

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Interview With An Ex-Radfem

exradfem is an anonymous Tumblr user who identifies as transmasculine, and previously spent time in radical feminist communities. They have offered their insight into those communities using their own experiences and memories as a firsthand resource.

Background

I was raised in an incredibly fundamentalist religion, and so was predisposed to falling for cult rhetoric. Naturally, I was kicked out for being a lesbian. I was taken in by the queer community, particularly the trans community, and I got back on my feet- somehow. I had a large group of queer friends, and loved it. I fully went in on being the Best Trans Ally Possible, and constantly tried to be a part of activism and discourse.

Unfortunately, I was undersocialized, undereducated, and overenthusiastic. I didn't fully understand queer or gender theory. In my world, when my parents told me my sexuality was a choice and I wasn't born that way, they were absolutely being homophobic. I understood that no one should care if it's a choice or not, but it was still incredibly, vitally important to me that I was born that way.

On top of that, I already had an intense distrust of men bred by a lot of trauma. That distrust bred a lot of gender essentialism that I couldn't pull out of the gender binary. I felt like it was fundamentally true that men were the problem, and that women were inherently more trustworthy. And I really didn't know where nonbinary people fit in.

Then I got sucked down the ace exclusionist pipeline; the way the arguments were framed made sense to my really surface-level, liberal view of politics. This had me primed to exclude people –– to feel like only those that had been oppressed exactly like me were my community.

Then I realized I was attracted to my nonbinary friend. I immediately felt super guilty that I was seeing them as a woman. I started doing some googling (helped along by ace exclusionists on Tumblr) and found the lesfem community, which is basically radfem “lite”: lesbians who are "only same sex attracted". This made sense to me, and it made me feel so much less guilty for being attracted to my friend; it was packaged as "this is just our inherent, biological desire that is completely uncontrollable". It didn't challenge my status quo, it made me feel less guilty about being a lesbian, and it allowed me to have a "biological" reason for rejecting men.

I don't know how much dysphoria was playing into this, and it's something I will probably never know; all of this is just piecing together jumbled memories and trying to connect dots. I know at the time I couldn't connect to this trans narrative of "feeling like a woman". I couldn't understand what trans women were feeling. This briefly made me question whether I was nonbinary, but radfem ideas had already started seeping into my head and I'm sure I was using them to repress that dysphoria. That's all I can remember.

The lesfem community seeded gender critical ideas and larger radfem princples, including gender socialization, gender as completely meaningless, oppression as based on sex, and lesbian separatism. It made so much innate sense to me, and I didn't realize that was because I was conditioned by the far right from the moment of my birth. Of course women were just a biological class obligated to raise children: that is how I always saw myself, and I always wanted to escape it.

I tried to stay in the realms of TIRF (Trans-Inclusive Radical Feminist) and "gender critical" spaces, because I couldn't take the vitriol on so many TERF blogs. It took so long for me to get to the point where I began seeing open and unveiled transphobia, and I had already read so much and bought into so much of it that I thought that I could just ignore those parts.

In that sense, it was absolutely a pipeline for me. I thought I could find a "middle ground", where I could "center women" without being transphobic.

Slowly, I realized that the transphobia was just more and more disgustingly pervasive. Some of the trans men and butch women I looked up to left the groups, and it was mostly just a bunch of nasty people left. So I left.

After two years offline, I started to recognize I was never going to be a healthy person without dealing with my dysphoria, and I made my way back onto Tumblr over the pandemic. I have realized I'm trans, and so much of this makes so much more sense now. I now see how I was basically using gender essentialism to repress my identity and keep myself in the closet, how it was genuinely weaponized by TERFs to keep me there, and how the ace exclusionist movement primed me into accepting lesbian separatism- and, finally, radical feminism.

The Interview

You mentioned the lesfem community, gender criticals, and TIRFs, which I haven't heard about before- would you mind elaborating on what those are, and what kinds of beliefs they hold?

I think the lesfem community is recruitment for lesbians into the TERF community. Everything is very sanitized and "reasonable", and there's an effort not to say anything bad about trans women. The main focus was that lesbian = homosexual female, and you can't be attracted to gender, because you can't know someone's gender before knowing them; only their sex.

It seemed logical at the time, thinking about sex as something impermeable and gender as internal identity. The most talk about trans women I saw initially was just in reference to the cotton ceiling, how sexual orientation is a permanent and unchangeable reality. Otherwise, the focus was homophobia. This appealed to me, as I was really clinging to the "born this way" narrative.

This ended up being a gateway to two split camps - TIRFs and gender crits.

I definitely liked to read TIRF stuff, mostly because I didn't like the idea of radical feminism having to be transphobic. But TIRFs think that misogyny is all down to hatred of femininity, and they use that as a basis to be able to say trans women are "just as" oppressed.

Gender criticals really fought out against this, and pushed the idea that gender is fake, and misogyny is just sex-based oppression based on reproductive issues. They believe that the source of misogyny is the "male need to control the source of reproduction"- which is what finally made me think I had found the "source" of my confusion. That's why I ended up in gender critical circles instead of TIRF circles.

I'm glad, honestly, because the mask-off transphobia is what made me finally see the light. I wouldn't have seen that in TIRF communities.

I believed this in-between idea, that misogyny was "sex-based oppression" and that transphobia was also real and horrible, but only based on transition, and therefore a completely different thing. I felt that this was the "nuanced" position to take.

The lesfem community also used the fact that a lot of lesbians have partners who transition, still stay with their lesbian partners, and see themselves as lesbian- and that a lot of trans men still see themselves as lesbians. That idea is very taboo and talked down in liberal queer spaces, and I had some vague feelings about it that made me angry, too. I really appreciated the frank talk of what I felt were my own taboo experiences.

I think gender critical ideology also really exploited my own dysphoria. There was a lot of talk about how "almost all butches have dysphoria and just don't talk about it", and that made me feel so much less alone and was, genuinely, a big relief to me that I "didn't have to be trans".

Lesfeminism is essentially lesbian separatism dressed up as sex education. Lesfems believe that genitals exist in two separate categories, and that not being attracted to penises is what defines lesbians. This is used to tell cis lesbians, "dont feel bad as a lesbian if you're attracted to trans men", and that they shouldn’t feel "guilty" for not being attracted to trans women. They believe that lesbianism is not defined as being attracted to women, it is defined as not being attracted to men; which is a root idea in lesbian separatism as well.

Lesfems also believe that attraction to anything other than explicit genitals is a fetish: if you're attracted to flat chests, facial hair, low voices, etc., but don't care if that person has a penis or not, you're bisexual with a fetish for masculine attributes. Essentially, they believe the “-sexual” suffix refers to the “sex” that you are assigned at birth, rather than your attraction: “homosexual” refers to two people of the same sex, etc. This was part of their pushback to the ace community, too.

I think they exploited the issues of trans men and actively ignored trans women intentionally, as a way of avoiding the “TERF” label. Pronouns were respected, and they espoused a constant stream of "trans women are women, trans men are men (but biology still exists and dictates sexual orientation)" to maintain face.

They would only be openly transmisogynistic in more private, radfem-only spaces.

For a while, I didn’t think that TERFs were real. I had read and agreed with the ideology of these "reasonable" people who others labeled as TERFs, so I felt like maybe it really was a strawman that didn't exist. I think that really helped suck me in.

It sounds from what you said like radical feminism works as a kind of funnel system, with "lesfem" being one gateway leading in, and "TIRF" and "gender crit" being branches that lesfem specifically funnels into- with TERFs at the end of the funnel. Does that sound accurate?

I think that's a great description actually!

When I was growing up, I had to go to meetings to learn how to "best spread the word of god". It was brainwashing 101: start off by building a relationship, find a common ground. Do not tell them what you really believe. Use confusing language and cute innuendos to "draw them in". Prey on their emotions by having long exhausting sermons, using music and peer pressure to manipulate them into making a commitment to the church, then BAM- hit them with the weird shit.

Obviously I am paraphrasing, but this was framed as a necessary evil to not "freak out" the outsiders.

I started to see that same talk in gender critical circles: I remember seeing something to the effect of, "lesfem and gender crit spaces exist to cleanse you of the gender ideology so you can later understand the 'real' danger of it", which really freaked me out; I realized I was in a cult again.

I definitely think it's intentional. I think they got these ideas from evangelical Christianity, and they actively use it to spread it online and target young lesbians and transmascs. And I think gender critical butch spaces are there to draw in young transmascs who hate everything about femininity and womanhood, and lesfem spaces are there to spread the idea that trans women exist as a threat to lesbianism.

Do you know if they view TIRFs a similar way- as essentially prepping people for TERF indoctrination?

Yes and no.

I've seen lots of in-fighting about TIRFs; most TERFs see them as a detriment, worse than the "TRAs" themselves. I've also definitely seen it posed as "baby's first radfeminism". A lot of TIRFs are trans women, at least from what I've seen on Tumblr, and therefore are not accepted or liked by radfems. To be completely honest, I don't think they're liked by anyone. They just hate men.

TIRFs are almost another breed altogether; I don't know if they have ties to lesfems at all, but I do think they might've spearheaded the online ace exclusionist discourse. I think a lot of them also swallowed radfem ideology without knowing what it was, and parrot it without thinking too hard about how it contradicts with other ideas they have.

The difference is TIRFs exist. They're real people with a bizarre, contradictory ideology. The lesfem community, on the other hand, is a completely manufactured "community" of crypto-terfs designed specifically to indoctrinate people into TERF ideology.

Part of my interest in TIRFs here is that they seem to have a heavy hand in the way transmascs are treated by the trans community, and if you're right that they were a big part of ace exclusionism too they've had a huge impact on queer discourse as a whole for some time. It seems likely that Baeddels came out of that movement too.

Yes, there’s a lot of overlap. The more digging I did, the more I found that it's a smaller circle running the show than it seems. TIRFs really do a lot of legwork in peddling the ideology to outer queer community, who tend to see it as generic feminism.

TERFs joke a lot about how non-radfems will repost or reblog from TERFs, adding "op is a TERF”. They're very gleeful when people accept their ideology with the mask on. They think it means these people are close to fully learning the "truth", and they see it as further evidence they have the truth the world is hiding. I think it's important to speak out against radical feminism in general, because they’re right; their ideology does seep out into the queer community.

Do you think there's any "good" radical feminism?

No. It sees women as the ultimate victim, rather than seeing gender as a tool to oppress different people differently. Radical feminism will always see men as the problem, and it is always going to do harm to men of color, gay men, trans men, disabled men, etc.

Women aren't a coherent class, and radfems are very panicked about that fact; they think it's going to be the end of us all. But what's wrong with that? That's like freaking out that white isn't a coherent group. It reveals more about you.

It's kind of the root of all exclusionism, the more I think about it, isn't it? Just freaking out that some group isn't going to be exclusive anymore.

Radical feminists believe that women are inherently better than men.

For TIRFs, it's gender essentialism. For TERFs, its bio essentialism. Both systems are fundamentally broken, and will always hurt the groups most at risk. Centering women and misogyny above all else erases the root causes of bigotry and oppression, and it erases the intersections of race and class. The idea that women are always fundamentally less threatening is very white and privileged.

It also ignores how cis women benefit from gender norms just as cis men do, and how cis men suffer from gender roles as well. It’s a system of control where gender non-conformity is a punishable offense.

#transgender #transphobia #trans #transmisogyny #radical feminism #radfem #feminism #transandrophobia #terfs #tirfs #gender critical #nothorses #cult mention #long post

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hermannsthumb · 3 years

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possible prompt for a university au: newt is the biology major who maintains all the fish tanks in the physics building at 11pm and hermann is the physics student who likes to wander the halls to think. newt accidentally flings water all over the ground and hermann trips, hijinks ensue.

earlier today I was thinking about how I wrote a college AU fic almost 3 years ago to the date, and how I wanted to do more bc its fun thinking about newt and hermann as dumb college students

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Newt's not really sure how he ended up with the weirdest work-study job on the planet, but honestly, things could be much, much worse (he could be stuck down in the dining hall, or dealing with confused freshmen in the school bookstore) so he keeps his thoughts on the whole thing to himself. Every Friday at eleven sharp, Newt pulls on his grodiest t-shirt and a pair of long rubber gloves and treks all the way over to the physics department to set to work scrubbing down the fish tanks that line the classroom walls. Why does the physics department have fish tanks? Newt's not really sure about that, either. It's kind of an insane amount of them, too, more than even the marine bio department has. Maybe it's supposed to boost morale or something. Hey, look at these crazy cool tropical fish who get to do nothing but eat and swim in circles, sorry you're stuck inside calculating velocity and shit.

Whatever, Newt's not complaining about that either. Let the physics nerds have their fun. It'll be good for them to branch out a little, realize there's life beyond robotics club meetings.

Also, Newt likes the fish. They're cute. He likes to think they like him, too, because they're very well behaved when he has to scoop them out of their tanks and plop them into smaller fish bowls (the kind goldfish in movies always use). He's going to teach them tricks eventually—he had a beta fish once who would do a little flip when Newt tapped the glass a certain way because he knew he'd get rewarded with dried worms, so Newt knows it's possible. Just imagine, a hundred fish doing flips on command. Newt Geiszler, fish whisperer.

Yeah, maybe the job could be more glamorous. It's really hard to get algae out of the gloves, and he hasn't been allotted the budget for a new pair yet.

"Hey, guys!" he shouts as he pushes in the door to room 214. The fish don't acknowledge him: they just continue swimming in their giant tank. In and out of plastic plants and rock caves. The rock caves were a gift from Newt three months into the job, and so were some of the moss balls—stimulation is important for fish! He wouldn't want to be trapped in a glass box with nothing to do, either. "I bet you missed me. Ready for a clean tank?"

Newt always talks to the fish, even if they don't talk back, because he thinks it's important to build their trust. He'll usually keep a running commentary of his week as he scrubs the tanks, just get everything off his chest that he needs to get off. Stuff he's worried about. Stuff that went well. Stuff that went badly. Therapy's expensive, and Newt's student health insurance can only cover so much, but talking to fish? That's free.

That's also kinda why he does it so late at night and over the weekend. The last thing he wants is an audience. Because, one, talking to fish is admittedly weird, and two, no one wants a glimpse at Newt's psyche like that, probably not even the fish.

The first step in cleaning the tanks is relocation. Newt digs his stereotypical goldfish bowls and an industrial-size mesh wand out of the supply closet, fills the former with some of the special tank salt water, and begins the slow and arduous task of scooping out the fish and depositing them into the bowls. "I had the lamest week," he announces once he's about three clownfish in. "I was working on a group project Saturday—"

Then Newt stops, because he hears footsteps in the hallway just outside the classroom.

Serial killer, Newt's instincts supply helpfully.

No, Newt corrects himself, that's dumb. Why would a serial killer wander into the physics building at eleven o'clock at night? Why would anyone, period? He's probably imagining stuff. Lack of sleep, stress over his upcoming projects, residual embarrassment from his disaster study session Saturday, all of it culminating in Newt thinking there's someone there. No, definitely imagining it. Newt can only even get in this late to the department because his ID swipe card is set up with the right permissions—not even the physics students have the permissions he does to be in this late at night. Well, not unless they clean the kitchenette in the student lounge or something.

Or if Newt left the door unlocked.

More footsteps. Closer now.

Newt's pretty sure he didn't leave the door unlocked, because he thinks it locks automatically behind him, and he would have to literally prop it open for anyone to get in after him. But anything's possible. The door could've caught on a dropped pencil or a paper scrap or other weird shit that physics students leave around, and a serial killer could've noticed and taken the opportunity to sneak inside on the off chance a hapless young biology major was scrubbing slime off fish tanks in the middle of the night. Any minute now, Newt's about to end up on an episode of Unsolved Mysteries. The Physics Department Murder. The Disappearing Biologist. (Nah, neither of those are very good titles, but that's why Newt isn't on the creative writing track.)

Step-tap-step. Closer now; Newt's heart leaps to his throat. Step-tap-step. Step-tap-step. Pausing just outside the door of room 214. God, why didn't Newt turn the lights off? Why didn't he shut the door?

Newt reaches for the first vaguely weapon-shaped thing he can find—an empty fishbowl, because Newt's not going to sacrifice any of the fish for this—and, as the door swings open, hurls it with a cry.

The bowl clunks on the ground. Except it turns out Newt grabbed the wrong fish bowl, because (even though it doesn't shatter, thank God) water quickly begins to seep across the slate floor tiles towards Newt's serial killer, a pathetic little clownfish (Newt thinks this one is named Albert, because the physics department is made up of nerds who do shit like name their random pet fish after their kind) flopping around in the puddle. Newt's serial killer, meanwhile, cries out similarly, his arms windmilling as he loses his footing and slips backwards, his cane—

Oh, fuck.

The intruder is not a serial killer. It's someone possibly worse, actually: Newt's mortal enemy, Hermann Gottlieb.

Newt's not really sure at what point Hermann became his mortal enemy and not just some guy I have class with that I hate, but he can pretty easily say that they've hated each other since the moment Hermann walked through the doors of Engineering 101 and was deigned Newt's lab partner by the Alphabetized By Last Name Seating Chart god. Something about Hermann just gets under Newt's skin. It's not his prissy English accent, or his oversized sweaters, or his absolutely horrendous haircut, and it's not even that he takes every opportunity to savagely rip apart every single thing Newt says in class. Don't get Newt wrong, that's all super fucking annoying, but it's annoying levels he can deal with.

It's the stuff they have in common that makes Newt hate him. It's like Hermann's a slightly broodier and more angular mirror that reflects all of Newt's most egregious faults—his arrogance, his stubbornness, his social awkwardness, his desperation to be taken seriously—right back at him. It sucks.

Plus, one time Newt caught Hermann ripping down the flyer he put up on the quad for Anime Club to advertise his stupid chess club instead, and he's never managed to forgive him for that.

Newt may hate Hermann, but he's not about to let him land on his ass in a puddle of fishy water (especially not on a freezing November night) just because the subsequent bitching would be unbearable, and, yeah, it would be supremely shitty of Newt, so he leaps forward just in time to catch Hermann and his cane before he hits the ground. He's so impressed with himself with his amazing catch that it takes him a few seconds to realize that Hermann is shouting and probably has been shouting since he slipped.

"—bloody maniac! What on earth are you doing in here? How are you in here? Did you just assault me? I'm going to phone campus police, you wretched—"

"Hold that thought," Newt says.

He rights Hermann and snags the mesh net and rescues poor Al before it's too late, dropping him back into the big tank with the rest of his friends. Newt can't be sure, but he thinks Al blows a bubble in thanks at him. Maybe he needs to make friends outside fish.

Hermann is still yelling at him.

"I am going to tell the head of the department you're—you're skulking about in here after hours!" he declares. "You're a menace. Pay attention to what I'm saying to you, Newton!"

Newt sighs and turns around. Hermann's turned an interesting shade of red—sort of like an over-boiled lobster, or if he fell asleep in the sun for too long. Newt wonders if it's from embarrassment (almost falling on his ass) or anger (almost being knocked on his ass). Probably anger. "Look, dude, I'm sorry," Newt says. His face twists like he ate a lemon, and he hopes Hermann doesn't notice. Newt hates apologizing to Hermann. "It's my job to clean the tanks every weekend. You scared the shit out of me and I freaked out—it's just that, like, no one ever comes by this late. Ever." He decides not to mention the serial killer thing. Hermann might make fun of him for being jumpy or paranoid or something.

Hermann's scowl doesn't lessen, but he does nod. Plus, he stops shouting. That's as much as Newt's gonna get of forgiveness. "Hmph," Hermann says. "You clean the tanks?"

"Every weekend," Newt repeats. He realizes he got some fish tank slime on Hermann's button-up when he caught him. Oops. Hopefully Hermann won't notice until Newt's in the safety of his dorm. "Gotta pay for my textbooks somehow." Then he frowns. "Wait, so what are you doing here? I didn't know you had access to the building this late."

Maybe Hermann is the kitchenette-cleaning guy after all. But, to his surprise, Hermann sniffs and casts his eyes to his dorky Oxford shoes. "Er," he says. "It's just—I was having trouble working out a solution to a problem, and thought a walk might do me good. Chilly nights like this one always do. And I quite like this building at night—it's calm, and much quieter than my dormitory." He fidgets. "And—well—only don't say anything to anyone, but I rewrote the permissions of my ID card so I could come and go wherever I please ages ago."

"You rewrote the permissions?" Newt says. "What the hell, wouldn't you have to hack into the security system or something to do that?"

"Well, obviously," Hermann says.

Despite himself, and despite Hermann being his Mortal Enemy, Newt is genuinely impressed. "Dude," he says. "That is so badass." Since when has Hermann been a badass?

Hermann's eyebrows jump, and he blinks at Newt behind his dorky librarian glasses. What twenty-one-year-old wears librarian glasses? With a chain? "You think so?" he says.

"Uh, totally," Newt says. "What problem were you stuck on? The one from Saturday?"

Being lab partners for engineering means Newt and Hermann have to collaborate on pretty much everything, including their midterms. Their midterm is what they've been working on for the past two weeks. On Saturday, though, they met in neutral ground to work on it (a reserved study room in the library), and, after a stupid and massive argument that had the librarians hoisting them out by their shirt collars and threatening to ban them for life, Hermann called Newt an idiot and stomped off into the night. Newt still hasn't gotten around to giving the problem another shot. Whatever, they have another week before the dumb thing is due. Plenty of time. Hermann nods. "Yes," he says. "Er—that one."

Newt glances at the clock ticking away on the wall. Quarter after eleven. Hermann's delayed him a whole fifteen minutes. Technically, he reminds himself, he doesn't actually have to have the tanks scrubbed by Friday night—he has the whole weekend to get it done. Also, he kind of feels like he owes Hermann for attacking him the way he did. Accidentally attacking. "Listen, Hermann," he says, feeling totally insane for what he's about to suggest. But he kind of wants to know more about Hermann The Badass. "What if we went back to my place and worked on it together? I'll buy us pizza, and I have, like, a bunch of energy drinks." The pizza place nearest campus is open until three in the morning, almost definitely because they get all of their business from sleep-deprived undergrads. Plus, they have midnight specials where you get free breadsticks with every pizza. Newt could go for some breadsticks. "It might be...fun," he adds.

Fun? With Hermann? Hermann will think he hit his head or something.

But to his surprise, Hermann doesn't hesitate even a second before saying "Alright, then."

"Oh," Newt says. He honestly thought Hermann would put up more of a struggle. "Cool!"

"But I might need to borrow a jumper," Hermann says. "If you'd be so...courteous, that is. I'm a bit chilly."

For some reason, the thought of Hermann (Newt's mortal enemy, but also a secret badass) curled up in one of Newt's baggy sweatshirts makes Newt feel all weird and warm all over. He swallows a few times, because his throat feels a little weird, too. Too tight. Like he just ate something he's allergic to. "No sweat," Newt says. "Let me just get these fish back in the, um, the tank. And—" He waves his slimy, gloved hands. "Take these off. And clean up that puddle. Gimme—um, gimme like, ten minutes?"

"Of course," Hermann says, and gives Newt a small, terse nod.

From Hermann, it's a smile. Newt almost slips on the puddle he's so blindsided by it. Stupid Hermann, making him feel all weird and clumsy.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #Anonymous

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imgonnapanic · 3 years

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Third gym squad with a theater kid s/o:

Kuroo Tetsurou

Tbh, he knew what he was signing up for when he started dating you.

He’s just not used to it, because he doesn’t have many extroverted friends who aren’t annoying pieces of-

I can envision you both going on the hub to watch pirated musicals. Hamilton, Heathers, Dear Evan Hansen, you name it.

He loooves your singing voice, even if it’s your nervous purposely bad one.

You love the musicals that include allll the good stuff (trauma, death, tragedy, etc.)

Or the iconic ones. You can’t forget about those.

So you’re less-than-thrilled when your school chooses “Honk! The Musical” for this years play.

It’s a spin off of the ugly duckling that no one has heard of.

And when you come up to Kuroo sulking about this boring play you’re emotionally obliged to do, he can’t help but laugh a little.

But his laughter stops when he sees your eyes down at your shoes.

And then he shuts the fuck up because you’re actually upset.

After assuring that you will still be Broadway material even if you’re dressed up as a goose, you feel a little better.

In the two weeks leading up to auditions, Kuroo is starting to get caught humming “A Poultry Tale” at practice.

I mean, his Spotify feed went from Kendrick Lamar to Legally Blonde within one month of dating you, so cut the guy a break.

The day of auditions, you’re a bundle of nerves as you go over the dumb song again and again.

And Kuroo is like “calm down babe you’re gonna do great.”

That sure did a ton.

“Shut up Heather”

...

“Sorry Heather”

He’s also a bundle of nerves at practice, though. He just couldn’t let you see it.

By now, all of the Nekoma team knows you’re auditioning today, and the minute he walks in he just holds up a hand.

“They’re auditioning as we speak”

He’s not surprised when you get the lead.

He looks like the cat who ate the canary he’s a little amused when he figures out the lead is named “Ugly” but by now he has learned to keep it on the inside.

Your schedule is now jam packed, but that’s okay, because Nationals are also coming up for Kuroo and needs to put in some extra hours at the gym anyways.

You better believe two months later Kuroo is making his entire team buy a ticket.

Kuroo didn’t even get to see you on opening night because of dress rehearsals, but that’s okay.

He cleared his entire schedule that day and now has time to wallow in his own excitement and buy you some flowers.

He’s there with the squad team at 6PM sharp, dressed up, and trying to keep his dignity.

When you first walk on stage, the team snickers a little bit at your costume, but Kuroo was completely enraptured by your singing voice, your blocking, your makeup, everything.

This was much better than the demo CD that they had given you.

Afterwards, he gives you your flowers and is glued to your side for the rest of the night, babbling about how proud he was of you, and how talented you are, Nekoma team be damned.

Tsukishima Kei

Tsukki-poo already had a soft spot for the arts before he met you.

Not that he would tell anyone, ever.

When you started dating him though, it gave him an excuse to share his favorite soundtracks.

“you can hit that note, you know.”

*cue the arguing about how you aren’t Barbara Streisand*

When you two are walking through the hallway with him and you see the poster reading “Auditions for Karasuno High School’s ‘The Little Mermaid’ are open!” You start freaking out.

You love that movie! And Kei tolerates it!

Kei honestly thought you would be Ariel/Prince Eric when he first heard you singing “Part of Your World”

Like, you have the voice of a fucking lark. The directors have to be batshit crazy not to cast you.

In his humble opinion.

So he’s a bit taken aback when you get the role of Flounder, but he’s very proud anyways. Especially after you explain that there’s musical numbers that you’re in that aren’t in the movie.

He just hates your director for no reason now.

Practicing your lines with him in your free time becomes almost inevitable because you both have nothing else better to do.

And he can see how into it you are.

And let me just say that you are killing it.

Seriously. You have no problem getting into character, and Kei doesn’t say this much but-

It’s fucking adorable, okay? He has little goth moths in his stomach.

And he can’t wait to see the show, because then he can show you off.

That doesn’t mean he likes the other first years prying at your progress.

Hinata’s incessant questioning about theater anatomy and the memorization of your lines gets really annoying.

Even for someone with a normal temper like you-

“Yes it’s called the right wing. NOT wing spiker. Yes they’re off book. Now will you shut your trap already?”

Dress Rehearsals come, and you’re spinning around his room, face morphing from complete concentration to happy, go-lucky Flounder.

You, Kei, and Yamaguchi (your little third wheel-) all know the soundtrack pretty much up and down, left and right, backwards and inside out.

He still shivers remembering the time you just walked into his house not registering that Flounder’s makeup looks kind of scary up close-

All of his pride was sacrificed that day. All of it.

On the morning of opening night, Kei was walking you to the school, pretending to be bitchy about it being on a Saturday.

“C’mon, what am I supposed to do all day?”

As luck would have it, he’s stuck sitting next to one Hinata Shoyo. Lovely.

So he sat down next to him, and ignored him the whole show. I mean, it worked, he shut up after thirty seconds.

After the show, Kei has to wait a bit for you to take your makeup off, but when you come running out, he can’t hold back a tiny grin.

“That was good. I’m proud of you.”

And then he took you to dinner because singing makes a bad bleep hungry 😌

Bokuto Kotarou

Listen, you’re loud, Bokuto’s loud-

So basically you two are on a mission to not annoy Akaashi for as long as you can before inevitably getting yelled at for your affection and love and shit.

Now, both of you would love for this to be possible.

But the Frozen soundtrack makes it too difficult.

Especially when you can edit the lyrics just to piss off Konoha.

“Turn away and slAm the door *on Konoha”

“The wind is howling like the storm inside *of Konoha”

The possibilities are endless, really.

The game changer is when you two are belting out the song where Elsa and Anna are arguing.

And you accidentally hit the “I-i-I CANNNNT”

Akaashi is like for the love of GOD just audition for the play.

He quickly realizes that his suggestion was not a good idea.

Since guess what the musical is.

You’re auditioning as a joke, okay? You love Frozen, but this is a Fukurōdani Academy level play.

You didn’t expect to land the role of Olaf.

Your director sat you down and bluntly told you that he thought that you had the charisma and energy to be Olaf, but he knew that you were auditioning for a joke.

He needed you to be committed.

And hell yeah, you were gonna be committed.

At first, Bokuto was super proud of you! His s/o as a lead role? So impressive!

You even taught Bokuto your choreography for “In Summer”

He only retained half of it, but eh.

He’s a volleyball player. He tried.

As rehearsal times became longer and longer, Bokuto was a little upset at himself because he didn’t realize how committed you were until it hit him in the face.

Akaashi is there to get him out of his funk when you aren’t, though.

“They feel the same way when you need to be in the gym longer. It’s just a part of having a passion. Just utilize your time with them wisely.”

This bitch knows full well Bokuto doesn’t do ‘wise’ though, so he also sets to him a little more.

Dress rehearsals start, and Bokuto is always waiting for you to come out of the auditorium to ride the bus home.

You’re just bubbling over with stories about the magic of being on stage.

The lights, the microphones, the costumes, just talking about it makes you nostalgic already.

On opening night, Bokuto and Akaashi are there in the front row, going through the program.

“There’s y/n!!!!”

And you can’t see him because of the blinding spotlight, but you can hear Bokuto cheering for you after you finish “In Summer”

Afterwards he gives you a big hug, and you guys go home and watch Frozen.

Akaashi Keiji

When you start dating Akaashi in your second year at Fukurōdani, you’ve been on stage for the last ten years of your life.

Singing, acting, dancing, you love it all.

You’re even considering making it your career.

Akaashi doesn’t know much about theater at all, but he makes sure to do his research since it’s such a big part of your life.

The company you take acting classes with is having their winter show soon, and you couldn’t be happier when you figure out it’s ‘Into the Woods.’

Akaashi makes the mistake of asking the plot of the story.

“So basically there are these two infertile bakers with dead parents and there’s this witch that’s old and wrinkly and she comes to their house because fifty years ago the bakers dad stole her veggies and took the magic beans that made her look old and wrinkly-“

(A/n: this isn’t even half the plot)

He decides he’ll figure it out when he sees the play.

Akaashi knows that it’s a difficult one, though.

Sondheim doesn’t fuck around.

So you shouldn’t be beating yourself up about cracking on some of the high notes and screaming into your pillow.

He feels like an idiot every time you ask him to give you constructive criticism.

He doesn’t know what to say. “That was good” is obviously not what you want to hear.

When the date of your audition rolls around, he has early morning practice.

So he sends you a text saying how far you’ve come already and he’ll be proud even if you end up being a tree and break a leg (he’s very proud of that part. Theater lingo with Akaashi 101)

He’s very pleased to hear through your extremely fast and animated chattering that you killed it.

You were going to be Jack from “Jack and the Beanstalk.”

He’s still not sure how that correlates with infertile bakers, but he’ll go with it.

You also have a notoriously hard solo, “Giants in the sky.”

Akaashi is very impressed.

All you two do is practice that song, until Akaashi is half sure he could sing the song if he really gave an effort.

(He tries seriously one time. He can’t sing. To save his life. Sorry Keiji and RIP y/n’s ears.)

“Maybe you’re just not a soprano?”

“I’ll leave the limelight to you.”

Rehearsals always leave you drained. There are so many dance numbers in the play that you have to go over.

And songs, oh god, the songs are pieces of work.

But you wouldn’t trade it for the world, so Keiji stays close, and is endlessly supportive.

You sent him a picture of your Jack costume, and Keiji is like that is kind of adorable ngl-

He walks into the auditorium you’re performing in, and even he’s nervous to be in there. It’s huge.

But when you walk on the stage, and start belting, all the breath leaves his lungs.

Oh. Ohhhhhhh. He understands the plot now.

#kuroo #haikyuu headcannons #tsukishima #akaashi #bokuto #kuroo x reader #tsukishima x reader #akaashi x reader #bokuto x reader #kuroo headcanons #tsukishima headcanons #akaashi headcanons #bokuto headcannons #haikyuu

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cheswirls · 2 years

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im watching these videos outta the adobe max conference for school and tbh its RLY making me realize how much adobe being an industry standard isnt all that great..

like i watched this one where this woman takes her sketches into illustrator to establish color then starts drawing in photoshop n im like arent there? better drawing tools even with adobe programs than ps?? and its making me reflect like. earlier in the semester one of my profs wanted two versions of a product done in two diff adobe programs and most of the class used their own personal drawing programs instead of ps and then imported it in and saved it to make it “ps” version. and one of us confessed this during critique and then several others followed and the prof jus came back like, asking the names of these non-adobe apps to remind himself and jus talked over it in a way that was v denouncing of it all? like nothing could beat ps for him. and i mean we all have preferences but i dont think teaching future designers that adobe is the only way is rly.. good.

esp w the new user agreements that are saying you arent even owning the product when you pay for cc every year. like at this point youre lowkey renting adobe apps and for a loooooot of money. like i get theyre advanced programs but theyre also super overpriced. its kinda been disappointing to see all these ppl fall back only on adobe apps when there are different, easier solutions bc thats all they know and/or thats the way theyve sold their soul to.

its rly disappointing esp in my digital art class this year that i was super excited for in the beginning but now cannot stand. what i thought was going to be like tips for drawing digitally etc etc has been how to use adobe illustrator 101. thats it. which like. if you wanna run your class that way thats fine but its not very practical?? ig before this conference i jus didnt know adobe was so global, so worldwide, which like.. if its an industry standard globally thats rly a shame actually. but i remember near the start of the semester thinking this class is so one-dimensional what if some of us go work overseas and dont have access to illustrator? how will any of what weve learned in this class be applied outside of it then? and now im realizing that these ppl expect us all to take our tricks weve learned w operating “adobe only” programs and go out and excel.

but if you strip away the need for adobe, what is left in the end?? are we actually learning how to be designers if we cant operate w/o specific software? shouldnt time in class be better spent learning more generic stuff that can be applied to anything?

idk im jus ranting at this point. jus things ive observed this semester. its rly opened my eyes to the level my schools gd program is at. but like. also made me realize it it could be a bigger issue? like maybe thats how classrooms across the country are being operated -by teaching adobe.

#ctag #this got long sry no read more

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bogkeep · 3 years

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hmmmmmmmmmm maybe i’ll write an Introspective Musing Post about my relationship to religion and their depiction in stories because i’ve pondering about this topic lately

so for those who are reading this and DON’T know what’s been going on... there’s this webcomic i fell in love with some years ago, about six years actually, that depicts a post-apocalyptic fantasy/horror adventure set in the nordic countries. it had, and has still, some very uncomfortable flaws regarding racial representation, and the creator has historically not dealt very well with criticism towards it. it’s a whole Thing. my relationship with this comic has fluctuated a lot, since there are a lot of elements in it i DO love and i still feel very nostalgic about, and like idk i felt like i trust my skills in critical thinking enough to keep reading. aaand then the creator went a teensy bit off the deep end created a whole minicomic which is like... a lukewarm social media dystopia where christians are oppressed (and also everyone is a cute bunny, including our lord and saviour jesus christ). which is already tonedeaf enough considering there are religious people who DO get prosecuted for their faith, like, that’s an actual reality for a lot of people - but as far as i can tell, usually not christians. and then there’s an afterword that’s like, “anyway i got recently converted and realized i’m a disgusting human being full of sin who doesn’t deserve redemption but jesus loves me so i’ll be fine!! remember to repent for your sins xoxo” and a bunch of other stuff and IT’S KIND OF REALLY CONCERNING i have, uh, been habitually looking at the reactions to and discussions around this, maybe it’s not very self care of me but there’s a lot of overwhelming things rn and it’s fantastically distracting, yknow? like, overall this situation is fairly reminiscent of the whole jkr thing. creator of a series that is Fairly Beloved, does something hurtful, handles backlash in a weird way, a lot of people start taking distance from Beloved Series or find ways to enjoy it on their own terms, creator later reveals to have been fully radicalized and releases a whole manifesto, and any and all criticism gets framed as harassment and proving them right. of course, one of them is a super rich person with a LOT of media power and a topic that is a lot more destructive in our current zeitgeist, and the other is an independent webcomic creator, so it’s not the same situation. just similar vibez ya feel as a result of this, i have been Thinking. and just this feels like some sort of defeat like god dammit she got me i AM thinking about the topic she wrote about!!! i should dismiss the whole thing!!! but thinking about topics is probably a good thing so hey lets go. me, i’m agnostic. i understand that this is a ‘lazy’ position to take, but it’s what works for me. i simply do not vibe with organized religion, personally. (i had the wikipedia page for ‘chaos magic’ open in a tab for several weeks, if that helps.) i was raised by atheists in a majorly atheist culture. christian atheist, i should specify. norway has been mostly and historically lutheran, and religion has usually been a private and personal thing. it turns out the teacher i had in 7th grade was mormon, but i ONLY found out because he showed up in a tv series discussing religious groups in norway later, and he was honestly one of the best teachers i have ever had - he reignited the whole class’ interest in science, math, and dungeons and dragons. it was a real “wait WHAT” moment for my teenage self. i think i was briefly converted to christianity by my friend when i was like 7, who grew up in a christian family (i visited them a couple times and always forgot they do prayers before dinner. oops!), but like, she ALSO made me believe she was the guardian of a secret magic orb that controls the entire world and if i told anybody the world would burn down in 3 seconds. i only suspected something was off when one day the Orb ran on batteries, and another day the Orb had to be plugged in to charge. in my defense i really wanted to be part of a cool fantasy plot. i had no idea how to be a christian beyond “uuuuh believe in god i guess” so it just faded away on its own. when i met this friend several years later, she was no longer christian. i think every childhood friend of mine who grew up in a christian family, was no longer christian when they grew up. most notably my closest internet friend whose family was catholic - she had several siblings, and each of them took a wildly different path, from hippie treehugger to laveyan satanist or something in that area. (i joined them for a sermon in a church when they visited my town. my phone went off during it because i had forgotten to silence it. oops!) ((i also really liked their mother’s interpretation of purgatory. she explained it as a bath, not fire. i like that.)) i have never had any personal negative experiences with christianity, despite being openly queer/gay/trans. the only time someone has directly told me i’m going to hell was some guy who saw me wearing a hoodie on norway’s constitution day. yeah i still remember that you bastard i’ve sworn to be spiteful about it till the day i die!! i’ve actually had much more insufferable interactions with the obnoxious kind of atheists - like yes yes i agree with you on a lot but that doesn’t diminish your ability to be an absolute hypocrite, it turns out? i remember going to see the movie ‘noah’ with a friend who had recently discovered reddit atheism and it was just really exhausting to discuss it with her. one of these Obnoxious Atheists is my Own Mother. which is a little strange, honestly, because she LOVES visiting churches for the Aesthetic and Architecture. we cannot go anywhere without having to stop by a pretty church to Admire and Explore. I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY CHURCHES FOR AN ATHEIST RAISED NON-CHRISTIAN. i’ve been to the vatican TWICE (i genuinely don’t even know how much of my extended family is christian. up north in the tiny village i come from, i believe my uncle is the churchkeeper, and it’s the only building in the area that did not get burnt down by the the nazis during ww2 - mostly because soldiers needed a place to sleep. still don’t know whether or not said uncle believes or not, because hey, it’s Personal) i think my biggest personal relationship to religion, and christianity specifically, has been academic. yeah, we learned a brief synopsis of world religions at school (and i remember the class used to be called ‘christianity, religion, and ethics’ and got changed to ‘religion, beliefs, and ethics’ which is cool. it was probably a big discourse but i was a teen who didnt care), but also my bachelor degree is in art history, specifically western art history because it’s a vast sprawling topic and they had to distill it as best they could SIGHS. western art history is deeply entangled with the history of the church, and i think the most i’ve ever learnt about christianity is through these classes (one of my professors wrote an article about how jesus can be interpreted as queer which i Deeply Appreciate). i also specifically tried to diversify my academic input by picking classes such as ‘depiction of muslims and jewish people in western medieval art’ and ‘art and religion’ when i was an exchange student in canada, along with 101 classes in anthropology and archaeology. because i think human diversity and culture is very cool and i want to absorb that knowledge as best as i can. i think my exchange semester in canada was the most religiously diverse space have ever been in, to be honest. now as an adult i have more christian friends again, but friends who chose it for themselves, and who practice in ways that sound good and healthy, like a place of solace and community for them. the vast majority of my friends are queer too, yknow?? i’ve known too many people who have seen these identities as fated opposites, but they aren’t, they’re just parts of who people are. it’s like... i genuinely love people having their faiths and beliefs so much. i love people finding that space where they belong and feel safe in. i love people having communities and heritages and connections. i deeply respect and admire opening up that space for faith within any other communities, like... if i’m going to listen to a podcast about scepticism and cults, i am not going to listen to it if it’s just an excuse to bash religion. i think the search for truth needs to be compassionate, always. you can acknowledge that crystals are cool and make people happy AND that multi level marketing schemes are deeply harmful and prey on people in vulnerable situaitons. YOU KNOW???? so now’s when i bring up Apocalypse Comic again. one of the things i really did like about it was, ironically, how it handled religion. in its setting, people have returned to old gods, and their magic drew power from their religion. characters from different regions had different beliefs and sources. in the first arc, they meet the spirit of a lutheran pastor, who ends up helping them with her powers. it was treated as, in the creators own words, ‘just another mythology’. and honestly? i love that. it was one of the nicest depictions i’ve seen of christianity in fiction, and as something that could coexist with other faiths. I Vibe With That. and then, uh, then... bunny dystopia comic. it just... it just straight up tells you christianity is literally the only way to..?? be a good person??? i guess?? i’m still kind of struggling to parse what exactly it wanted to say. the evil social media overlord bird tells you the bible makes you a DANGEROUS FREETHINKER, but the comic also treats rewriting the bible or finding your own way to faith as something,, Bad. The Bible Must Remain Unsullied. Never Criticize The Bible. also, doing good things just for social media clout is bad and selfish. you should do good things so you don’t burn in hell instead. is that the message? it reads a lot like the comic creator already had the idea for the comic, but only got the urge to make it after she was converted and needed to spread the good word. you do you i guess!! i understand that she’s new to this and probably Going Through Something, and this is just a step on her journey. but the absolute self-loathing she described in her afterword... it does not sound good. i’m just some agnostic kid so what do i know, but i do not think that kind of self-flagellating is a kind faith to have for yourself. i might not ever have been properly religious, but you know what i AM familiar with? a brain wired for ocd and intrusive thoughts. for a lot of my life i’ve struggled with my own kind of purity complex. i’ve had this really strange sensitivity for things that felt ‘tainted’. i’ve experienced having to remove more and more words from my vocabulary because they were Bad and i did not want to sully my sentences. it stacked, too - if a word turned out to be an euphemism for something, i could never feel comfortable saying it again. i still struggle a bit with these things, but i have confronted these things within myself. i’ve had to make myself comfortable with imperfection and ‘tainted’ things and accept that these are just, arbitrary categories my mind made up. maybe that’s the reason i can’t do organized religion even if i found one that fit for me - just like diets can trigger disordered eating, i think it would carve some bad brainpaths for me. so yeah i’m worried i guess! i’m worried when people think it’s so good that she finally found the correct faith even if it’s causing all this self-hate. is there really not a better way? or are they just trusting she’ll find it? and yeah it’s none of my concern, it’s like, i worry for jkr too but i do not want her within miles of my trans self thANKS. so like, i DO enjoy media that explores faith and what it means for you. my favourite band is the oh hellos, which DOES draw on faith and the songwriter’s experience with it. because of my religious iliteracy most of it has flown over my head for years and i’m like “oh hey this is gay” and then only later realize it was about god all along Probably. i like what they’ve done with the place. also, stormlight archive - i had NO idea sanderson was mormon, the way he writes his characters, many of whom actively discuss religion and their relationship to it. i love that about the books, honestly. Media That Explores Religion In A Complex And Compassionate Way... we like that i’ve been thinking about my own stories too, and how i might want to explore faith in them. most of my settings are based on magic and it’s like, what role does religion have in a world where gods are real and makes u magic. in sparrow spellcaster’s story, xe creates? summons? an old god - brings them to life out of the idea of them. it’s a story about hubris, mostly. then there’s iphimery, the story where i am actively fleshing out a pantheon. there’s no doubt the gods are real in the fantasy version of iphimery, they are the source of magic and sustain themselves on slivers of humanity in exchange. but in the modern version, where they are mostly forgotten? that’s some room for me to explore, i think. especially the character of timian, who comes from a smaller town and moves to a large and diverse city. in the fantasy story, the guardian deity chooses his sister as a vessel. in the modern setting, that does not happen, and i don’t yet know what does, but i really want timian to be someone who struggles with his identity - his faith, his sexuality, the expectations cast upon him by his hometown... i’m sure it’s a cliché story retold through a million gay characters but i want to do it too okay. i want to see him carve out his own way of existing within the world because i care him and want to see him thrive!!! alrighty i THINK that’s all i wanted to write. thanks if you read all of this, and if you didn’t that’s super cool have a nice day !

#rambles #i wrote this for me and theres no obligation to read it

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revasserium · 3 years

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beauty as a perspective (or a study of truth through the lens of a boy who has always believed in fairy-tales)

anon: And it is beautiful with Hinata First love with kageyama? Please :)

101. and it is beautiful hinata ; 1.8k words

there are so many things he considers to be beautiful -- the sunrise, the sunsets, the way the moon lingers on the horizon after a whole midsummer’s night, like it’s waiting for the first rays of sunlight to spill across the world, the way the stars are relentless in their twinkling, as if emboldened by the darkness that beholds their very beings -- that they are made all the brighter by night’s all-consuming dark.

there are other things too -- a well-aimed spike, crystal cut and down the line, right next to the pole, a perfectly arched toss, slow enough for thought, but too fast for the opponents to follow, the double-rolling saves that noya-sempai had promised to teach him and still hasn’t gotten around to, the way a clean sneaker sounds against the well-waxed floor of a freshly cleaned gym, the sound of a volleyball meeting skin, the flutter of a net, the chorus of voices as it echoes towards the ceiling.

the cheers of the crowds when a point gets scored. when a match is won.

the weight of happiness, so light and yet so, so heavy too, enough to make his bones feel like they’re filled with gold or silver or maybe magic itself. he thinks there’s nothing more beautiful than playing... and winning.

until he meets you.

your name breezes through him like a summer wind through wheat, leaving no part of him unruffled and untouched, all this thoughts tangled and out of ordered, but so beautifully so. he watches you go like a child watching the end of a really good dream, powerless to stop it, but still with the naïve hope that perhaps, if he just kept his eyes open (or closed) for a moment longer, maybe, just maybe you’ll stay --

“hinata-kun, its your turn to help clean the classrooms.��

he snaps out of his reverie (did you know that’s the word for daydream in french? how fitting, right? and when tsukki had asked, drop-jawed and all, where the hell hinata had learned such a thing, all he could do was shrug and blush and say he’d read it somewhere -- to tsukki’s compounded shock and confoundment), the teacher is watching him with a hiked eyebrow, and half the class was giggling. but you, you’re standing next to his desk with a sweet, expectant smile and he’s lost all over again.

(who was he, anyway? before he knew what your smile looked like? what your voice sounds like? what the color of your hair was beneath the morning sun, or in the golden glow of dusk?)

“let’s do our best, hm?” you offer him your hand.

hinata had never wished for after class chores to last forever, but he has now.

he doesn’t know how you get onto the topic of volleyball, but it always ends up there somehow... with him -- and he finds himself rambling like he always does when he’s nervous, blabbing out an invite because yeah! it’s pretty cool! and there’s a practice match today! and oh, yeah! i’m on the starting lineup and of course you can come watch! i’m super awesome y’know! --

and then the horrifying, daunting realization that he’s going to have to play. with you watching him. with your eyes, like pools of amber so deep and clear they remind him of melted caramel during the holiday school fairs, with your smile like tasting a favorite treat after a long, hard day’s practice, with your laughter and your voice like -- like --

“what’s this? hinata’s brought a friend?” there’s something in the texture of suga-sempai’s voice that hinata isn’t sure he likes but he’s too nervous to call it out at the moment. instead, he tries desperately to explain why the hell he’d brought you along, not that he’s really sure either, other than the fact that he doesn’t ever want you to leave his sight ever again in his whole life but, well, he can’t really say that out loud without sounding like a freak --

“uh -- it’s not -- i mean, yeah! we’re friends! i think so at least -- well anyway -- ahhhhh -- she likes volleyball and there’s a practice match today and i told her she could come and watch cause i’m really awesome at it and she just moved here from tokyo, or actually she stayed in france for a while before that! can you believe it? hey -- wait do you know kenma from nekoma? they’re from tokyo too, right --?”

kageyama fixes him with a flatlined look even as you smile.

“she’s not from the same school, idiot.”

hinata puffs up as he turns to kageyama but thankfully, daichi is there to pull them apart before things get really nasty. he flashes you a sincere and somewhat apologetic grin.

“ah, thanks for coming. you can find a seat up there, and uhm -- welcome to karasuno.”

hinata finds himself watching you go (he nearly yells when you wave at him from the second level, that is until kageyama elbows him so hard in the side he actually does yell).

“focus, boke!”

“shut up, crappyama!”

“ha? what did you say?”

“both of you, quiet!”

they both flinch at the sound of daichi’s voice.

but hinata can’t help stealing another glance towards you, thinking that this feels different, somehow. different than all the other practice matches he’s played before. it’s like his vision is sharper, all his senses on high alert -- he can smell the sweat on his teammates’ skin, can see each spec of light as it refracts off of the newly waxed gym floors, can feel the weight of your eyes on him like a superhero’s cloak -- beautiful and full of responsibility.

and he plays well that day, he thinks -- got a few really solid quick’s in, and he only messed up on two of his serves, which, all things considered, is probably a record low for him. kageyama only yelled at him five times, also on the low side.

they manage to scrape a win, and it was mostly asahi-san’s doing -- noya-sempai being awesome as ever, too. still, he thinks it’s been a good day. he almost forgets that you’re watching for a while, but only for a while, and as the match draws to a close, he’s again keenly aware of your eyes on him.

he turns to grin up at you, shooting you a thumbs up. he finds you no longer sitting, but standing by the railings, your eyes huge and happy as you wave down at him. there’s a flush to your face that makes him want to walk off a bridge right into a very, very cold river but he shelves that thought for later as you make your way down the stairs, jogging right up to him, your smile so brilliant he thinks he might go blind if he stared too long.

he blinks, still dripping sweat down his now very wet uniform.

“shouyou! you were amazing! i mean, you are amazing --!”

he almost jolts at your use of his given name, but then he remembers you asking (because you liked the sound of it or something; he’d forgotten what you said after that cause he was too busy marinating in the fact that you liked the sound of his name) if you could call him that. and him saying yes.

“for a while there it looked like you were flying, like really flying!”

he nods along with your excitement, his smile growing so wide his cheeks are starting to hurt and god, what what happen if he just kept on smiling wider and wider? what would happen to his face? would it stretch and keep on stretching? or maybe he’ll accidentally split his face in half and have to get stitches from the hospital, which wouldn’t be fun but for you, he thinks, it’s worth it.

“y-yeah! cool! right?” he leaps ups as if to illustrate, but as with all things he does on a spur of the moment impulse, it doesn’t go quite as planned. he ends up smacking his head on the doorframe of double gym doors, leaving him whining, curled up into a ball on the ground, and you kneeling by his side.

“shouyou? are -- are you okay? oh my god, what happened?”

he winces as he pushes himself up into a sitting position, grinning awkwardly up at you.

“i wanted to show you!”

“show me what?”

“what it looks like to fly!”

tanaka is fussing over hinata, loudly asking if he’ll get a concussion while tsukki is remarking to that getting a concussion might be good for him; noya and tanaka are both laughing so hard they’re also curled up on the ground.

you giggle, “save some flying for next time.”

“for... next time?”

“yeah, for the next time you play.”

“will... will you be there?”

you smile, nodding, offering him a hand.

“if you want me to be.”

“yes! yeah -- oh man, i do! i really really --”

“good, then i’ll be there.”

“aahh, that’s amazing! super great! ahhhh i’m so --- mmmm -- i’m so happy!”

he leaps up and is about to jump up again before he realizes you hadn’t let go of his hand yet.

he blinks, heat washing up his face like jumping head-first into a steaming onsen.

“hey! you said you’d save some for next time, right?”

hinata laughs, “right -- for next time.”

you give his hand a squeeze before letting go, turning to greet his teammates. hinata watches you, like he’s been doing from the second he’d set eyes on you a week and a half ago, when you’d introduced yourself to the class.

like when he’d all too enthusiastically volunteered to show you around the school, like when the pair of you had stopped in the library, and you’d run your fingers along the spines of all the books like greeting old friends.

like when you flipped open a book of fairy-tales and traced the outline of a boy with melting wax wings, plummeting from the sky.

“you know, i used to always daydream about flying as a kid,” you said.

hinata quirked his head, “why?”

you smiled, “dunno, seemed like a fun thing to do.”

hinata smiled then too, “well, it’s not that hard.”

you looked at him, “you... know how to fly?”

“sure i do!”

you laughed, then, but not a mocking kind of laugh -- a delighted, dancing kind of laugh that made hinata’s whole chest fill with hot air and helium.

“you promise to show me some day?”

hinata had nodded so hard his head might’ve come right off it’s hinges.

“hey, what’s ‘daydream’ in french?” he asked.

you blink at him, “reverie.”

“wow... beautiful.”

you laughed again, nodding, “it is, isn’t it?”

and he decides then, watching as you smile at something suga-sempai says, as you quirk your head curiously at kageyama, making him flush a hilarious shade of crimson as well, that sure, there are a lot of beautiful things in this world.

but none of them quite so beautiful as you.

#haikyuucreations #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #hinata shouyou #haikyuu headcanons #hinata shouyou x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shōyō #hinata #floofy floof floof #haicuties #idk where the title came from dont ask me #ah its so fitting that the first two things i write are kageyama and hinata pieces lol like i said not much has changed #god i cant wait to reread the final arc and write the shit out of timeskip hinata and kageyama #fuCK timeskip everyone go d i love grownup casts #the ending took my soul and trampled it in the best of ways and just wow i have a lot of eelings and thoughts about it #but yeah anyway as always stan hinata and kageyama they legit dont get enough love eventho they be the fuckin main characters okay

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the-cookie-of-doom · 3 years

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Good morning! Whats your favorite show/movie? Who are your favorite characters? Why do you like them so much? Also!! Did you have a good sleep?

Okay so I was a film major for a while, and I have opinions.

Penny Dreadful

I love this show. Like, so much. I adore it. I can not get enough of that show. Just all of the imagery, and the fantastic writing and acting. The episode intro alone is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Eva Green is a goddess and I love everything she’s been in. The take on classic horror stories is So Good, and it actually became the inspiration for my Gay Frankenstein story! (Started as a stitch AU, and then went completely OC after I had Ideas) but the show itself is so intimate? I think it’s largely that the period they’re in, everything was so repressed and restricted. So when the characters break out of those moments, it’s more meaningful. And the love-hate relationship between Ms. Ives and Malcolm in season one? Exquisite. I could literally write essay’s about this show, but I’ll restrain myself and just say: it’s the best ensemble show I’ve ever seen. The characters come together, but they also each have their own distinct lives that sometimes intersect, but in s2 especially, are quite separate. They are constant with one another like ensemble shows usually portray. Also gothic horror and romance? My absolute favorite.

Anything by Guillermo del Toro

This man Owns My Entire Soul. I’m not even joking, everything he writes and directs is perfection. Crimson Peak is probably my favorite (I have a stitch AU for this too ;) ) because again, Gothic horror and romance. I’m a slut for that shit. Also Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain? Delightful casting. I think it’s obvious by now that I love tragic relationships, so their dynamic is *chef’s kiss* amazing. they’re so damaged. And this quote right here is one of the BEST things I’ve ever read:

“But the horror... The horror was for love. The things we do for love like this are ugly, mad, full of sweat and regret. This love burns you and maims you and twists you inside out. It is a monstrous love and it makes monsters of us all.”

Engrave that on my headstone, please?? I’ve got a sort-of Dorian Gray AU (it’s delightful) that’s basically built on this entire premise. Mitch makes the mistake of falling in love with Stiles, and does many terrible things because of it. Mostly to himself, at least.

I think my love of Crimson Peak is very closely tied with The Shape of Water. another beautiful movie, I could wax poetic about this forever. it was beautifully written, and such an artistic movie. I love the way it was filmed, and the set design, and all of the subtle imagery. Such as Elisa’s apartment being cast in cooler tones, it always felt very damp and had evidence of water damage, compared to Giles’, a mirror image of her own, in more warm tones. This is another one I could (and have) write essays about. There is so much packed into this movie, from the themes on toxic masculinity and entitlement, to the conversation on queerness and race and disability, and how all the various relationships are portrayed. Like. there is so much to pick apart in this movie.

Aside from that, ofc Hell Boy deserves an honorable mention because i grew up on those movies. I’m pretty sure the Golden Army especially is responsible for who I am today, given all the lore on the fae in that universe. Wow, that explains so much about me... Also one of my first WoW characters was an elf named Nuala xD I still have her, too, and it’s been like 12 years lol

Near-Future Sci-Fi

Sci-fi is one of my favorite genres, I am a huge nerd for theoretical and astrophysics. But my favorite kind of sci-fi is the stuff that still takes place on Earth, rather than epic battles in space. Ex Machina and Annihilation are at the top of that list. Alex Garland is another writer/director that I love. He has the same kind of approach as del Toro, where he puts a lot of fine details into his work. And I love that it’s very cerebral; there are so many layers to Ex Machina. My English 101 prof actually refused to analyze it in class when I suggested it to him, because he didn’t think my class could. Basically handle? Dissecting that movie? Because a lot of it comes across as very surface level, but in some cases when you look deeper, it’s actually suggesting the opposite of what you might think at first glance. (And he was right, my fellow students were awful. I miss that class though, it was one of my favorites T_T Mr. Ryder was an awesome dude and super chill.)

Morgan is another good example. As you can see, I fucking love androids lol. Which brings me to another of my all time favorite movies: Cloud Atlas. I could literally watch this movie endlessly, I love it so much. The acting, the writing, the filming, all of it is top notch. And one thing they did in the movie that didn’t come across in the book, was reusing the same actors through the different eras in the book. That was just so neat, because it really encapsulates how connected these souls are, as we follow the threads of their story throughout time. If you haven’t seen the movie, I can’t recommend it enough.

Another one I always think of alongside Cloud Atlas, even though they aren’t related at all, is Predestination. It’s a great movie that explores the idea of fate and free will in a really clever way, utilizes time travel in a very organized way that I think was neat (think Umbrella Academy. They even use briefcases! As you can see, I love sci-fi bureaucracy, it’s fun. In fact The Bureau is another movie I enjoyed) and the main character is actually, explicitly trans, which was cool. You basically get to see the entire story of their life, and I don’t want to spoil anything, but it’s just. So good. Mindfuckery galore.

Shoot, and I almost forgot! Arrival! That is one of the best movies, and another one I could watch nonstop. It focuses on mathematics and linguistics and I swear to god, I almost altered my entire college course because of this movie. Amy Addams is brilliant, Jeremy Renner is so soft and nerdy, and again, it has an amazing take on time travel. I am very particular about how time is handled in Sci-fi, and this portrayal was one of my favorite. (Most of my physics studies have been dedicated to the theory of time, so like. Strong Opinions.)

Fantasy

Stardust! It wasn’t until Good Omens can out that I realized Neil Gaiman is responsible for most of the stories I loved as a kid lol, and I had no idea he wrote stardust! But that is such a beautiful movie (I have a Stardust AU lol) and it’s definitely one of my comfort movies. Captain Shakespeare is one of the best characters ever, bless Robert de Niro. I would die for him. Fun fact, i had no idea Ipswitch was a real place until like. 2019. I 100% thought it was made up for the movie 😂

Alongside Stardust, I’ve always loved The Golden Compass. It’s fantasy, but also with that old-timey steampunk science feel, which is so fun and surprisingly difficult to find!

Mortal Engines also has the same kind of feel, and it was such an epic movie in every sense of the word. I’m a little sad that after all the work that went into it, it didn’t get a dedicated following or fan base, because I feel there’s so much potential in it. But at the same time, fandom tends to gather around media that has plenty of flaws for us to repair with gold, and there wasn’t much room for that in Mortal Engines.

I’m going to put Jupiter Ascending here even though it technically fits with the sci-fi, because that section is long as fuck and also this movie has such a fantastic feel. Mila Kunis? beautiful. The CGI? beautiful. Eddy Redmayne? One of the best villain portrayals i’ve ever seen. The whole oedipal vibe he had was immaculate, as was their portrayal of reincarnation, and just. The world building. GOD. I get so weak for through world building. Also the fkn intergalactic bureaucracy when they’re basically at the space DMV? One of my all time favorite scenes in movie history.

Horror

I have very little room in my life for horror. As I said, I have strong movie opinions, especially when it comes to horror movies. I don’t like how most of them rely on cheap jump scares and overused gore and gratuitous rape scenes, instead of, y'know, actual good writing.

Which is EXACTLY why I adore It: Chapter 1 & 2. It has none of those things, but still manages to be so terrifying. They are my favorite horror movies, and I’m saying this as someone who has genuine childhood trauma bc of the novel. Like. I couldn’t shower/take baths alone until I was almost 10 T_T When I was 6-7 and saw kids play by storm drains, I would run over screaming about how Pennywise was going to get them. Like, I had issues man. I was terrified to see the first one, and wouldn’t go until I could go with my best friend after she had already seen it, so she could warn me when something scary was about to happen 😂

And, one of my favorite aspects of the movie, and the thing that gave me Mad Respect for Any Muschietti? The way he filmed Bev and her father. They have a character who is literally being molested, but they never once have to show it. And yet their interactions are still so viscerally upsetting to watch. Sexploitation puts me off of most horror, and the fact that Muschietti doesn’t use it here, even when it would be actually somewhat justified? *chef’s kiss*. I love him.

I love horror as a concept, I’m just really picky about it because I expect the writing to be good. I don’t like short cuts. But in a lot of cases, even if I don’t enjoy the movie itself, I love to watch analysis videos on youtube! I love to see the philosophy and symbolism in different horror movies, even if i don’t like to watch the movies themselves. It’s a fun hobby.

Misc.

Then in general, some other stuff I love in no particular order:

The Internship (Bless Dylan, Stuart is such a bitch and I love him)

American Assassin (ofc. The writing itself is eh, but Mitch is my man)

Dylan’s episode of Weird City. (I actually have a lot of feelings about this one. Jordan Peele is another amazing writer/director, I really need to catch up on his works.)

Dorian Gray (*chef’s kiss*)

Rogue One (Makes me cry every time)

WARCRAFT (Obviously this is a fav. It made me so happy, words cannot express.)

Coraline and most other stop motion animation. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for that.

Literally anything associated with Tim Burton. Fun fact, when I was 12 and in middle school, I planned to decorate my future house inspired by tim burton. Like, i had Plans.

Most adaptations of Alice in Wonderland!

So! this got long as fuck! But you said you like that kind of thing lol 😂 I had kinda Eh sleep since I was up so late lmao, and I kept waking up (as usual, rip). And I’m so mad I go up for nothing! The dude I was supposed to show my listing to never showed, and is refusing to answer my calls >_> It’s been 2 hours now, and I still haven’t heard from him. But whatever, I already have a full price cash offer on the house so who cares. And that means I can play WoW all day, now!

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comradekatara · 5 years

Text

the comics need to stop adding new convoluted plotpoints that dont make sense, and instead write a self-contained story with an A-plot, a B-plot, and a C-plot that all connect somehow. a quest narrative of sorts where they’re all split up and each on their own separate missions that force them to solve their internal conflicts, while also furthering the narrative thematically both in terms of the tensions established in the subplots and in the narrative thread running throughout. this is like, basic separate-but-together quest narrative 101, but. yknow.

here are some hypothetical suggestions for these subplots:

first option

A-plot: aang and azula are forced to work together in the heart of the swamp. azula feels shame as she is all alone with aang and must actually confront him, so she retaliates by being cruel to aang and insulting his intelligence. aang is never not nice to her, insistent that she’d like him if she got to know him––but that’s what she’s afraid of. the stress of the swamp causes her to nearly break down completely again, but she forces herself to persevere through it, snarky remarks as her coping mechanism. aang repeatedly saves her life from the swamp, which she finds she can neither outwit nor bend her way out of. instead, she must embrace the entropy, and through aang’s wisdom, she begins to find a sense of inner peace. she starts to admit that she has a lot to learn from him, though that still hurts to think about. they don’t leave as friends, exactly, but they’re getting there.

B-plot: sokka, katara, and zuko are sent to the north pole for [x plot device], where they are all forced to confront their pasts. though they are on a diplomatic mission, it doesn’t take much for them to all get sidetracked. katara grows furious when she sees that absolutely no progress has been made in regard to women’s rights, and she yells a lot, at yue’s dumb patriarchal dad, at pakku, and at sokka and zuko for trying to help (she doesn’t need their man opinions trying to speak over her!!!!!! zuko’s just like, “i literally didnt say anything.........”) and eventually she rallies the women of the tribe and basically incites an entire feminist movement. upon seeing yue’s dad again, sokka is forced to confront memories he tries his hardest to bury deep. now that he finally has time to breathe, he lets himself acknowledge his guilt complex when it comes to protecting people. and zuko is given a second chance to amend his “that’s rough buddy” into actual, genuine emotional support. meanwhile, the north pole is stirring bad memories for zuko, but for other reasons. he must confront his guilt over all the dumb shit he did when he was 16; he must acknowledge how this was a turning point in his life, when he teetered on the edge of life and death just to fulfill his goal of capturing the avatar; when he watched zhao die. he never had the opportunity to confront that properly. he gets to now, and katara and sokka are there with him. sidenote: i think their dynamic makes for an excellent trio by virtue of them all being a third wheel. anyway they get the macguffin that symbolically represents their emotional journey. no i dont know what said macguffin is what am i a writer (jk its probably a mirror)

C-plot: toph, suki, mai, and ty lee complete their side of the quest without breaking a sweat. the four of them? together? please. they’re unstoppable. but they soon realize this, and decide that if they’re going to be given the opportunity to hang out just the four of them, they’re going to do it right. so occasionally, from aang & azula’s internal-tension-filled plot, and sokka katara & zuko’s swelling emotions plot, we just see toph, suki, mai, & ty lee fucking shit up and having a blast. we don’t see everything that they get up to, though a lot is alluded to, and it sounds cool as hell. they conclude their adventure with the realization that maybe they’re too powerful, and they should be more responsible with that power. but then toph’s like ............nah, and they all shrug and nod.

second option

A-plot: sokka, toph, and azula are on a boat. why are they on a boat? idk. reasons. anyway, toph does not like boats, and she very loudly affirms this at least once a page. though not so secretly she feels a lot safer than she otherwise would because sokka is there. azula also doesn’t like that they’re on a boat. she feels trapped. and she knows that even though they likely won’t, sokka and toph could take her down at any time, regardless of the fact that toph is unsteady, she’s on a ship made of metal, and azula’s not going anywhere. sokka doesn’t have a problem with boats. he grew up using boats all the time. he’s built boats. but he also really wishes katara were here, because without her, unfortunately, the tides do control this ship. a bunch of pirates try to take control, and practically obliterate the rest of their crew, and they all have to use their own unique brand of ingenuity to save the others. azula comes to respect them even more, and they her. sokka and toph already respect each other a hell of a lot, but i guess they exceed maximum respect levels cause that’s how cool the other thinks they are (and they’d be right!) and they forge a genuine friendship with azula for the ages, which sokka was previously highly skeptical of, but.... she’s nice now. somewhat. she’s mellowed out a bit, even if she’s still incredibly high-strung and weird. but who is he to judge? ‘cause hey, at the end of the day, they make a great team.

B-plot: aang is given an important Mission, and he’s ready to go in alone. after all, katara is busy, sokka is busy, toph is busy, zuko is busy. but suki offers her services, and she and ty lee flank him on his Journey. aang realizes that even though suki’s a part of their group, he doesn’t really know her at all. so he decides he’s going to learn. he asks about her past, her upbringing, her plans for the future. he asks the same about ty lee. we see flashbacks to all three of their childhoods, and what motivated them to become who they are today. aang was just a carefree kid, and he shied away from any type of responsibility; now, he’s carrying the entire world on his shoulders. even though she looked exactly the same as all her sisters, or maybe because of it, ty lee always felt like an outsider in her family. it’s clear that underneath their picture-perfect facade of upper-middle class stability that her father insisted they project, there was a deep strain on all of them, and the cracks seeped through. ty lee always felt like it was her job to mediate, and she soon learned to manipulate people into being satisfied with what they had, instead of what they wanted. but one day, she realized, it wasn’t her job to be that person in an environment where she already felt alien, so she ran off to join the circus. only when azula resurfaced in her life did she have to adopt her facade again, out of survival. and suki was raised by wolves. (ok i’m kidding––or am i––but tbh her backstory deserves a post of its own so..) anyway, aang ends up learning a lot about two people he never made any prior attempts to befriend, and learns about himself along the way. go team!

C-plot: zuko is forced to act as a mediator between mai and katara, who both find the other teeth-grindingly offputting. zuko really just wants to focus on Doing The Thing because the fact that the Thing has not been Done is stressing him out. but mai and katara clearly have issues between them that are in need of solving, and zuko cares about them both very much, so it’s hard for him to see them snipe at each other all the time. especially because he keeps getting dragged further and further into their arguments, to the point where they’re basically just arguing over who has more of a claim to him. mai says they used to date, katara’s like, “yeah for 2 months and it sucked what’s your point,” and katara’s like “he jumped in front of lightning for me,” but mai’s just like “he would do that for a stray cat whats your point.” zuko’s just like “listen. i would die for both of you. but if you don’t shut up i’ll kill you myself.” ultimately, the Conflict is Resolved, and in the most climactic moment, katara saves mai’s life. mai is grateful, and has enough humility to acknowledge this. katara’s like, “of course. i’d do anything for my friends.” and they still don’t like each other but the animosity has quelled considerably. and then they realize that they may have absolutely nothing in common, but they can still bond over making fun of zuko. the whole way back they swap stories about him being a Fucking Nerd, and zuko’s just like, “i’ve made a huge mistake.”

third option

A-plot: aang, zuko, azula, and ty lee are somehow tasked with a Plot-Relevant Burden, and shit gets real. these four people have so much baggage among each other that while they all insist to put their feelings away for the sake of the mission, tension bubbles to the surface anyway, and zuko and azula all but get in a row. aang and ty lee bond over having to be the mediators, while also acknowledging the harm azula caused both of them. they all get trapped in a Magical Cave of Logic Puzzles (fuck it its a comic idk) that they must solve before they can pass. aang and azula are both isolated, but their monologue is external because of course they both talk to themselves. aang considers it a fun game, azula is determined to crush this cave just like she obliterates all her enemies. zuko and ty lee meanwhile, are trapped together, but neither of them have any idea what’s going on in this wack cave. they eventually talk through all their feelings, and reconcile in a way zuko never in a million years expected to with ty lee of all people. then she reveals she had the answer to the puzzle all along and just wanted to facilitate an honest conversation. zuko would be mad, but honestly he’s just impressed. they all return into the light of day again, and the sunlight feels cleansing.

B-plot: katara, toph, and suki soon realize that they make for a more awkward trio than they anticipated. at first katara had been very insistent that it was finally time for just the girls to go on an adventure together, but it becomes readily apparent that without sokka......they have nothing to talk about??? and they’re all like. fuck. is sokka really that important to the fabric of our friendgroup?? the answer is, of course he is, but it pisses them all off. they can be friends outside of sokka! as a matter of fact, fuck sokka! who needs him? not them, certainly. they’re the world’s most powerful waterbender, earthbender, and non-bending warrior respectively! what does sokka have? a sword? some maps??? so they may not have many things in common, but their sheer willpower & determination is shared among them in spades. they complete their Task with great competency, and they’re all like “FUCK YEAH.” sokka is very confused as to why all three of them tackle him in a hug next time they see him.

C-plot: no grand quest. no adventure. mai simply finds a bat hanging in the corner of her room, and happens to notice sokka walking by. she summons him into her room, where she points at the bat with disgust. sokka’s like, “you’ve got to be kidding me. it’s just a bat. i’d think you’d love bats.” and mai’s like “then u are mistaken.” so sokka sighs and says he’ll take care of it, opens the window, closes the door, and tries to coax the bat into the night air gently. unfortunately, sokka’s execution is less than poor. the bat flies at his face, at which he lets out a very dignified shriek, and the bat starts flying around the room like crazy. for some reason, it refuses to just go through the window. mai and sokka, both fearing for the bat’s safety as well as their own, take the only logical option and hide in her closet until the bat leaves. after a while, they can no longer hear its indomitable screeching, so they open the door to the closet just a crack, only to see that it had actually tired itself out to the point of exhaustion and seemed to have fallen directly onto her bed. mai’s like “ewwww i sleep there sokka get rid of it!!!!!!!!!” and sokka’s like, “i can’t just throw it out the window!! it’ll die???” and mai’s like “this is why we need an animal control department.” which gives sokka a great idea. he tells mai to stay put and mai’s just like “you mean alone????? with the bat??????” sokka runs back moments later with a stricken zuko. “mai, are you all right???” he pants desperately, to which mai rolls her eyes and is like “yeah bitch im fine.” zuko turns to sokka and glowers. “you said there was an emergency in mai’s room! i thought she’d been–– oh what’s that???” they introduce zuko to the batshit bat, which sokka has named Squeaky, and zuko immediately knows what to do, and soon later it flies through the open window without a care. sokka’s just like “man, you really should’ve asked zuko for help instead of me.” and mai’s just like, “well... you were there. and youre.. competent.” and sokka looks around at the mess squeaky made of mai’s room and he’s like “u sure of that???” and it suddenly hits them just how uncouth this entire affair was, especially considering that zuko was the one who came out looking most competent (which they both deeply resent). they vow never to speak of it again.

#so the last one is just a story about a bat #......and?#aang #azula #toph #sokka #suki #mai #ty lee #zuko #katara #cant tag this as AUs bc it's canon-compliant!#but i gotta tag it something............#comics that are better than gene yangs hack writing #:)#there we go :)#postwargaang

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gansey-just-gansey · 4 years

Text

Punk History 101 part three

It had been a week since Gansey's ill fated attempt to pick up Blue, and she hadn't been back to class since. To be fair, the class had only met one time since then, on Wednesday, but Blue still felt like maybe Gansey would feel like she was avoiding him. And she wasn't. She had just picked up an extra shift at her waitress job that she worked to cover what her scholarship didn't, like books, and slightly more importantly, food.

Gansey probably didn't have to worry about missing class for money. About working a job on top of going to classes and maintaining a high GPA. Not as high as Adam's, but she was still proud of it. Gansey probably had a high GPA. He probably-

No. That was enough thinking about Gansey. She had been caught in a cycle of thinking of him and yelling at herself for thinking of him for days now.

It was just wasn't right. Someone shouldn't get to be rich and attractive. Very attractive. Smoking hot. She wanted to lick from the base of his neck to-

No. She was going to be late again at the rate she was going. She dressed quickly and threw her Blink-182 hoodie over it all. The fact that Gansey seemed to talk in Blink song titles in no way affected her clothing choices today.

In fact, it was more her neighbor's fault than Gansey's. She could hear Blink-182's latest album playing loudly through the wall her headboard leaned against. A voice that didn't belong to any of the band members was weaving its way through the chorus, a little deeper, but still just as carefree.

She was just gathering her things in her backpack when she heard a loud, “Fuck!” and the music cut off, followed by loud scuffling and a muttered string of curses. Damn, these walls were paper thin. She grabbed a yogurt and spoon on her way past the kitchen and called a good bye over her shoulder to Adam.

Blue opened the door just as Gansey was passing, a bagel in his mouth, buttoning his jeans with his belt still undone and shoelaces untied. He stopped short, recognition blooming across his face, and then he looked as surprised as she felt.

“What are you doing here?” Blue demanded.

“I live here, what are you doing here?” he responded.

“I also live here.” It came out snippy. Then she processed what he'd said. “Wait, you're my neighbor?”

Gansey unfroze and began tightening his belt. “I guess we are. I'm right there.” He pointed to the next door over. Blue realized it must have been Gansey she heard through her bedroom wall. The loud outburst must have been because he was late to class again. Like she was.

“Whatever, I'm going to be late.” She pushed past him into the hall and half-jogged down the hall to push the down button for the elevator. Gansey followed behind, slower despite his much longer legs.

He got there right as the elevator doors opened. They stepped in silently and Gansey pressed the button for the first floor. Blue settled on the opposite side of the elevator from Gansey, as far away as she could manage in the small space. He quietly munched on his bagel while she glared at him. He didn't even look at her, instead choosing to stare at the numbers descending as they did. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to notice her glare or not look at her at all.

The doors dinged open and they were off, hurrying to their class. Well, Blue was hurrying. Gansey stayed with her, though as tall as he was, he could have lapped her by now.

“What are you doing? Get to class,” she huffed as she power walked as fast as she could without drawing attention to herself.

“I'm walking with you. That way neither of us has to face Calla's wrath alone,” he reasoned.

“I'd rather her call me out in front of the whole class than let people think we're coming in together.”

“We could always ditch.”

Blue rolled her eyes. “I already missed Wednesday, I can't afford not to go today.”

“If it makes you feel better, I missed Wednesday too,” Gansey offered. “One extra day won't kill us.”

“I can't skip, I have to keep up my GPA for my scholarship,” Blue said, annoyed. Of course he'd be fine not going to class, he had the money to be here either way. Blue didn't have that luxury.

“Oh.” Gansey looked properly chastened. “Well, it actually looks like we might make it,” he glanced at his watch before picking up his pace a little. Blue matched it with no small amount of effort.

They made it into the room with just one minute to spare. The professor gave them a look but didn't say anything as they took their seats in the back.

“All right class, today we'll be resuming our conversations about the suffragette movement and how women of color contributed and were ultimately betrayed by it. Talk with your conversation partner for another fifteen minutes and then we'll reconvene as a whole to discuss,” Calla instructed from in front of the white board.

Blue sighed and turned toward Gansey. Before they could start on the assignment, the professor walked up to their shared desk and rapped her long, red nails against the laminate. “It's lucky you both missed Wednesday, so we still had even numbers and neither of you is ahead of the other,” she said, her voice thick with sarcasm. Blue opened her mouth to explain that she had been at work but Calla just held up a hand. “I don't care what you do, just make sure your grade doesn't slip. This isn't high school, I will fail you if you don't watch yourselves.” With that, she stalked back down the aisle to settle at her desk.

“Damn it,” Blue groaned and put her head in her hands. “I absolutely cannot be late again.”

“Maybe we can hold each other accountable,” Gansey suggested.

“What?” She looked at him between her fingers.

“We can hold each other accountable. Like we both set alarms and make sure we both make it to class. I mean since we live next to each other and all.” He was picking at one of the frays in his jeans, trying to look cool though he was obviously a little nervous.

Blue stared. “Are you seriously asking me out again right now?”

“No, no, of course not. It didn't go so well the first time, did it? It would just be making sure we both show up and get a good grade. We are conversation partners, if one of us doesn't show up, it kind of screws the other anyway.” He shrugged to show how little he cared about her answer.

Blue deliberated for a moment. Gansey was annoying and condescending and insufferable but on the other hand, she really did need a good grade in this class. It was an important class for her degree and she would need the credit in order to take the higher level womens' history classes.

“Fine,” she said finally. “We make sure we both get to class or,” she paused, thinking of her job and how she might have to pick up more shifts, “we at least get notes for the other if we can't make it.”

“Deal,” Gansey said, holding out his hand.

She took it, shaking once. His hand was warm and soft, with long fingers and a wide palm. She wanted to keep holding it, or at least direct towards another part of her body. She shook her head and snatched it back. “Deal,” she repeated.

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iprocrastinatefartoomuch · 4 years

Text

A lot of thoughts on AWAE 3x08 (spoilers ahead)...

Ka'kwet’s back! Yay! So is that shitty nun, ugghhh. She and the minister who burnt the schoolhouse are going straight to hell.

While I applaud the ingenuity of her idea, I hope she doesn’t drown.

Holy shit, she’s going to escape by holding on to the underside of the wagon. This moment remains relevant because there’re refugees and migrants that travel using that method.

I love how Anne is so enthusiastic about the paper, she’s going to be heartbroken over the burnt schoolhouse and the confiscated printing press.

“We did do something and this was the result.”-Come on Tillie, don’t blame Anne for the school’s board of directors’ feebleness.

Glad to see Josie’s back at school.

Oh no, Anne is going after Mrs. Lynde. As much as I have flip-flopped on liking her, she did try to be the moderate voice on the panel.

I love how Mrs. Lynde has come around to Anne and her cause because she realized, in spite of Anne’s methods and her “behavior”, she was fighting for her to have a voice as well. Solidarity is beautiful

Bash’s mom is here! They have an uneasy dynamic about them.

Anne and Gilbert are so comfortable with one another and sitting awfully close to one another.

And we’re brought back to reality with the mention of Winifred.

“Not with you, Anne, with Winifred!” Ooff, that’s got to hurt.

Dining with parents, they’re going awfully fast.

Diana: How not to break up with someone 101.

Describing their relationship as apples and oranges isn’t an accessible way to break up with one another.

Don’t lie Diana, you did think that Jerry wasn’t good enough for you.

The fact she threw his gifts to her on the floor was unnecessarily cruel.

Why couldn’t she just say that the relationship was going a bit too fast and she wasn’t ready to give up her newly found autonomy? It’s not like it’s not true. Those in rural settings tended to marry earlier than those in the city and despite Diana living in the country, she might as well live in the city.

Also, keeping the relationship from Anne was never going to last anyway.

My mom and Diana’s parents have the same look when my relatives come to visit.

Thank god Aunt Jo is here to talk some sense into her.

Oh god, this dynamic between Bash and his mom is getting increasingly awkward.

Bash’s insult was a bit below the belt but he had a point. Gilbert sees Bash his equal in every way. Plus, logistically, they’re going on two different avenues in life.

Mathew is just the best, enough said.

Diana’s taking the exam, yay!

The scene outside the testing place is giving me severe flashbacks to when I took my SAT.

I laughed when Mrs. Lynde apologized for saying damn. Lord knows I would be using much stronger words.

“Why would I stay, with people frozen in time?” I hope the writers aren’t hinting at Miss Stacy and Bash getting together. I like them as friends.

Diana thoroughly surprised me by volunteering to take the first shot of moonshine. Hard alcohol and an empty stomach (I’m sure most of them were too nervous to eat anything for breakfast) is a bad combo.

Now would be a good time for Diana and Anne to make up.

I can’t hate Winifred but all I keep thinking is that they’re not the one for one another.

Damn, they have an apartment in Paris, financing, connections and he gave him his blessing, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more appealing offer.

Ruby and Moody are cute.

I love this scene so much. It may be a tad too unrealistic but there’s something so effortless, young and beautiful about it.

The cinematographer deserves a raise. Seriously, Anne looked so beautiful against the fire.

Gilbert’s oversized baker cap make shim appear younger than he is.

Was it a rejection? No, right?? She just vomited out a series of words and restated his options. In addition, HE NEVER OUTRIGHT STATES THAT HE LOVES HER. Besides, you’re too young to get married.

Asking someone to confess their deepest feelings to you whilst they’re tipsy is such a bad idea. It’s as if he didn’t realize the magnitude of asking someone to marry you.

The obvious difference in appearance between Winifred and Anne annoys me immensely. I know they’re only about two years apart but the fact that Anne is still dressed as if she was 14 irks me. I’m not blaming Anne for keeping the same clothes especially since she lives in a rural setting, where fashions are a tad behind, but the lack of change in her appearance, I’m sure factors in her inability to see herself as marriage or courting material. Moreover, it only reinforces the idea that both Anne and Gilbert are only ready for courtship.

The maritime book is back.

Whilst I’m glad that Elijah didn’t steal the ring, I’m still mad about the upcoming proposal.

I’m saying this once again: Thank god for Aunt Jo.

“I feel like I was a child yesterday and I feel like I’m being asked to explain my life on a ticking clock.”-Exactly my sentiments.

Aunt Jo is right, she just needs some time and some clear headspace to sort out her feelings.

“I have clarity.” NO, YOU DON’T. Boy, I swear to god, he’s so thick-skulled.

YOU CANNOT PROPOSE TO WINIFRED BECAUSE ANNE (sort-of) REJECTED YOU! THIS IS NOT THE BACHELOR, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT THE BACHELOR!

If you’re only proposing to someone because they’re the second choice, that’s not a good enough reason.

If he does propose, I hope Winifred rejects him because she feels that she’s too young/he’s too inexperienced/it’s too soon. I’m assuming, she’s not yet done with college.

I love this scheming Rachel.

“No, no, there’s no need to be hysterical.”-You’ve got to love her.

“Spreading news around town, is my forte”

Not going to lie, I was hoping for something more than a gender balance. I don’t think that was a fair trade-off. At the very least, a gender balance and the restoration of the school and the printing press should have been agreed upon.

Hopefully, the two other female members are Anne/Marilla and Miss Stacy.

KA’KWET IS HOME!! Hopefully for sure.

The reunification scene had me in tears.

“You don’t even like being you”.” -Ain’t that the truth.

Yay Diana and Anne made up!

Hopefully, Anne can convince Diana to clarify her breakup with Jerry. It’s the least she could do.

“I’m in love with Gilbert Blythe!”-YOU CAN’T END WITH THAT!

Final Thoughts:

I hope Winifred and Gilbert break off things before he proposes. A proposal would actually complicate things. Was I the only one surprised that her parents were so willing to let Gilbert propose after knowing her for such a short amount of time?

If does propose and they somehow break up, he better not propose to Anne with that same ring. The light blue stone of that ring, won’t do. I feel like Anne would be someone who likes pearls or emeralds.

What happened to Diana’s empathy during the breakup? Couldn’t she say she doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t want to hurt one another any further?

I really wanted to see Anne comfort Jerry about his first breakup.

Bash and Miss Stacy needs to not be a couple.

I’m so confused about Gilbert’s marriage storyline. On one hand, he’s 18 and of acceptable marriage age. On the other hand, his options are literally: propose to Winifred or confess his feelings to Anne so that he can court her. They’re not of equal weight.

Why does Gilbert see Sorbonne as his only option? He can’t speak French well or at all and most certainly, not at university level. What happened to the University of Toronto, McGill, Dalhousie or Queen's School of Medicine? Fredrick Banting and Charles Best of the Uni. of Toronto were the first to synthesize insulin in 1921.

While I’m glad this episode brought back Ka'kwet, how is her story going to tie back to Anne’s? I don’t want a white savior plot but it seems odd to introduce a storyline that has little to do with the main plot.

Bash and his mom need to have a conversation on race and class ASAP or else it’s going to harm Delphine greatly.

I find it unrealistic that Diana could pass the entrance exam without any studying. They should have started this storyline an episode or two earlier. It would have worked well alongside Diana’s attempt at exploring autonomy storyline. Dating someone of a different socioeconomic class isn’t exactly all that freedom should be.

Finally, I want to petition the writers to put Anne is something besides braids and too-short dresses that come with aprons. The 1985 adaption, they put Anne in a full-on young lady of the 1880’s ensemble by the time she is taking her entrance exam.

#awae #annewithane #awae3x8 #anne of green gables #anne shirley #awaespoilers

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shirtlesssammy · 5 years

Text

7x08: Season Seven, Time for a Wedding!

Then:

Sam Winchester deserves better

Now:

Las Vegas, Nevada

Dean’s enjoying the company of a grad student just trying to pay her bills. (Dean, what are you, 10 years her senior? Plz stop, your wrinkles are showing.) (And you’re a big fucking liar. You more than likely dropped out of school because it was too boring for your smart brain and your dad made you skip school for hunting trips so it became a two fold problem of you not keeping up with the school work load and you not seeing a reason to care to keep up with the school work load --only!! You got your GED so you must care on some level. Please enlighten us, Dean. #endrant) Dean unloads a ton of Winchester angst on the woman and then gets a text from Sam. He’s four blocks away and he wants Dean to meet him wearing his fed suit.

Dean heads to the Little White Chapel (it has a “24 hour drive up wedding window!” lol) Dean’s suspicious enough of the place to pull his gun. He finds Sam. Yay! Sam’s in LOVE y’all and he’s getting MARRIED! (Listen, we know the problems with this episode, but I’m going to lean real hard into the absurdity of the whole thing. My personal belief is to read this episode just like Red Meat. BECKY IS PROBLEMATIC AND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO SEE HER THAT WAY. It’s kinda curious that we’ve never seen her again...kinda like this episode closed the door on how this show views those types of fans. Ahem.)

Just then Sam’s bride starts walking down the aisle. It’s Becky!

Dean is VERKLEMPT. He wants to know how this happened. “We met, we ate and then talked and fell in love.” Dean points out to Sam that it’s no coincidence that Becky showed up during their annual Vegas week. (Sidenote: Where are all the fics on Dean and Sam’s Las Vegas week? You know, the one where Dean meets a fellow craps player and there’s a friendly competition and a warm banter and somehow they end up back at Dean’s hotel room and maybe there’s a real marriage that they both forgot about and they go their separate ways and 5 years later Dean’s gonna marry his good friend Lisa to help her out for something and discovers he’s already married so he has to track down this mysterious guy Cas and whoops, they’ve got so much in common and well ---I mean, the story just writes itself.) She’s read all the books. She knows them inside and out. Sam tells Dean to take a moment to realize that this is real. They’re heading back to Becky’s place in Delaware.

Dean alerts Bobby to the situation as he’s heading out of town.

Becky and her new (and very attractive hubby) arrive at the Montgomery High School 10 year Class Reunion. Becky runs inside to buy tickets for the event. Also, she’s live tweeting her revenge plan it seems. She runs into Aaron Burr Guy (I mean, I’m not going to just breeze right past the fact that pre-Hamilton Leslie Odom Jr. was on Supernatural. WTF???). Becky introduces her good friend to her new husband (and Jared Padalecki is SO tall). He takes off to go inside and she runs to give him a hug and they exchange a mysterious vial.

Away from Sam, she reveals that he’s a witch.

Dean rolls up to the reunion just as Sam and Becky are pulling away. He heads to a bar. He sees a paper with the headline “Truck Kills Pedestrian in Freak Accident”.

At Becky’s place, Sam starts to break out of the trance she has him in, so Becky adds more mysterious juice to his champagne and forces him to drink. All is CRaZy iN BeCKy LAnD.

Cut to a baseball diamond where a dude is practicing hitting the ball. Another dude (that I KNOW has been in another episode of SPN) makes the ball machine go faster and then moves the ball machine over to hit the other guy in the head, breaking the fourth wall with blood. Lovely. #sportsball.

Dean brings his newly married brother a waffle iron (#bestgiftever).

Dean’s got a case. It seems the baseball guy is part of it. Turns out, Sam and Becky are already working the case. Dean points out that people are having their dreams come true in this town, and then he looks to Becky. Dean can’t get through to his brother so he leaves.

Cut to Dean wanting to work with Bobby, but Bobby has other plans.

Cut to Becky Rosen being a 28 year old teenager creeper. Ugh. Sam’s made them fake ID’s (twu luv) and says “check this out” to her. UGH. He points out another potential victim. He also notices her notebook of hearts and weirdness. But he likes it! Yay!

Dean heads to meet the hunter Bobby assigned to help him. No spoilers or anything, but IT’S GARTH!

Dean points out the case in the paper, but Garth needs to read Marmaduke first. OH GARTH.

They head to interview someone that just got a big promotion. Becky and Sam beat them to it. Becky and Dean exchange scowls. Sam and Garth exchange confused looks. Once in the interview, the guy doesn’t reveal much to Dean. Garth cuts right to the chase and asks if the guy made it to the top through “black magic or hoodoo.” Dean’s fake laugh GIVES ME LIFE. The guy admits that this isn’t his dream. Enter his wife: Hmmm. Dean and Garth catch up to the wife and Dean threatens her. “Why do people keep thinking I’m threatening them?” Oh, Dean Bean. The woman denies everything and takes off.

Back at Becky’s place (their place now?) Sam mulls over the evidence. Becky delightedly plots a romantic getaway when Sam suddenly crumples. Oops, better put that lovey-dovey vacation on hold until you can drug your husband again! She’s dismayed to see that she can’t give him a fix because the potion has leaked out into her purse lining. Wherps.

Dean saves the CEO’s wife from getting crushed by a falling light fixture at the company headquarters. Garth and Dean interrogate her and learn that she bargained with someone for her soul but lololol there’s no such thing as a soul so she got a great deal. Right? RIGHT?!! Garth makes plans to move her into witness protection - Garth style.

Sam’s doing increasingly poorly and Becky, desperate, beans him over the head with the waffle iron. Thanks for the gift, Dean! They used it already.

He wakes up in a Misery situation, bound to the bed. (note to self: watch/read Misery someday instead of just casually referencing it.) (Boris: Uh, yeah!) Becky fawns over him while simultaneously not freeing him. She then flits off to chat with Guy, panicking about the potion. “This isn’t the honeymoon I had in mind,” she says before amending, “Well, some of it is.” UGH. She frets about them not consummating their marriage yet and...at least there’s that.

Becky heads in to talk to Sam, once again cloaked in denial. Sam tells her that she roofied him (no I didn’t) and that her witch friend is the one killing all their victims (no, he’s just a wiccan). She insists that the killer is something or someone else. Becky PLEASE.

Sam tells her to wake up. “It's never something else. When are there ever two crazy things in town at the same time? Guy's the creep, and you're on his list.” Guy also fed her the line that the potion only works if Sam loves her “deep down,” to which Sam is incredulous. He tells her to untie him then, and in response she shoves a rag into his mouth. Yeah.

At the reunion restaurant, Becky meets up with Guy who starts to hand over the potion.

Guy pulls the potion back at the last minute. “Let’s talk price.” Becky learns that they are NOT in fact, besties. Guy’s price for Sam’s devotion is her soul. She recognizes him as a crossroads demon and, inoculated by her fan consumption of Supernatural, Becky sits tight and listens even after his eyes flash red. Guy LOVES reunions. They’re perfect for trapping people who are desperate to impress their old classmates or improve their lives. Speaking of desperate, Guy gives Becky a special bargain: 25 years before her soul’s collected if she promises to never breathe a word to the Winchesters about her bargain.

Dean and Garth bust into Becky’s apartment. It’s empty, but Garth finds a webpage open to Twitter on her laptop, and her feed indicates that she’s going on a trip with her “hubster.” Dean finds a picture of Becky holding a fish in front of a cabin, Garth makes a nonsequitur on the creepy nature of fish eyes (I love you, Garth), and they’re ready to track them to the cabin.

Becky returns to find Sam still tied to the bed. (Damn girl, who taught you how to tie a knot?) Becky mournfully reflects on her situation. She really wanted to prance Sam Winchester around to her ex-classmates. She calls herself a loser. Sure, Becky. That’s spelled F E L O N. She loved the message board communities and dating Chuck....life was good as a fan. She just wants love! Sam mumbles something at her through the handkerchief and she pulls it out. “If you want somebody to love you for you, maybe don’t drug them.” Decent Human 101, right? She pulls out the vial of potion and contemplates using it, to Sam’s horror.

Later, Becky nurses a drink at the reunion restaurant when Guy walks in. Becky missed the party, but she’s there to talk to Guy. She tells him she’ll agree to the bargain. Guy approaches for a kiss to seal the deal when Becky flicks a lighter and drops it to the floor. A flare shoots up and burns a quick devil’s trap on the floor, trapping Guy.

Becky tries to celebrate with Sam. Becky just….NO.

Dean confronts Guy, asking him how he’s managing to kill off all his soul acquisitions before their 10 years are up. Guy laughs and tells them that accidents happen - HE doesn’t kill them. His demon intern does. Cue the intern - the scraggly, hairy guy from earlier. Intern blasts them all across the room. The demon knife gets knocked aside but before Dean can grab it, Guy’s out of the trap. It’s looking bad for our heroes when Becky grabs the demon-killing knife and stabs Intern in the back. She passes it to Dean who holds the knife to Guy’s throat and tells him to release his last 15 deals.

“Oh crap,” Guy says, but it’s not because of Dean.

“Hello, boys,” Crowley says from behind them. Dean and Sam look worried but Becky practically has hearts and stars in her eyes. It turns out that Guy’s intern couldn’t keep his mouth shut and bragged about the scheme to Crowley. Crowley tears into Guy. “This isn’t Wall Street, this is Hell!” In Hell, they have INTEGRITY, and need to uphold their bargains or nobody will sell their souls to them anymore.

The Winchesters and Crowley size each other up. Crowley has nothing but the BEST intentions for the Winchesters. They haven’t encountered a demon in months, right? It turns out that it’s because Crowley’s been keeping them on a tight leash. Crowley is pro-Winchester when it comes to killing leviathans. “I hate the bastards. Squash ‘em all, please.” Dean tells Crowley to rip up Guy’s remaining contracts, and when he does so, Dean shoves Guy at Crowley. They zap out.

In Becky’s apartment, Sam signs the annulment paperwork and tells Becky that he won’t see her again. Sam’s a nice guy, though, so he tells Becky that she’s a “good person” and that someday she’ll find the right guy. I mean...I wouldn’t go THAT far but okay. We’re striving for rehabilitation here. Garth lights up and starts to smooth his hair. “No,” Dean tells him while I am yelling NO GARTH BBY DON’T.

Outside, the Winchesters say goodbye to Garth. “You don’t suck,” Dean tells him. Dean. Bean. He gets a HUGE hug for it and then Garth takes off.

Sam tells Dean that he didn’t mean what he said when he was roofied - he does need Dean to watch his back. Dean accepts the sentiment with grace. “For a whack job you really pulled it together.” Dean. BEAN.

Sam also tells Dean that since he doesn’t have to watch out for him, Dean can start looking out for himself for the first time in his life. Dean is THRILLED at this revelation and by thrilled, I mean sent into a self-pitying tailspin. Sigh.

_____________________________________________

These Quotes have been Garthed:

We all need to face ourselves sometime.

Shouldn’t she ask for my permission or something?

I’m gonna be sick.

Oh, Marmaduke, you’re crazy!

Why do people keep thinking I'm threatening them?

You're so pathetic, it actually loops back around again to cute.

Blueberry vodka. The answer to all of life's problems.

_______________________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 7x08 #season 7 time for a wedding #dean winchester #sam winchester #becky rosen #supernatural season 7

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timlsano · 4 years

Text

Top 5 Yoga Myths – Completely Busted!

Yoga Myths, Exposed!

During my first 100 days of sobriety, I finally gave yoga a try. After seeing a fit woman in a bendy pose on Instagram, I was intrigued. At first, I wasn’t exactly blown away, but something about it kept me coming back for more.

After initially going it alone, I joined a gym with many yoga offerings on the group class schedule. Today I am hooked. Most days I get in at least 10 or 20 minutes of practice. And now that I’m 5 months sober, I can confidently say yoga has been a great addition to my weekly routine.

While I am thrilled about this new-ish addition to my life, I cringe at how I used to be. For the past 15 years, I talked a major smack about yoga. I now stand corrected. Everything I previously thought has turned out to be dead wrong. I can’t be the only one who held such misconceptions, right? (Please say yes!)

Instead of my former ignorance, I’d like to debunk a few yoga myths that I held before getting on the mat. If you’re on the fence about trying yoga, see if clarifying any of this pushes you into action!

Yoga Myth #1: Yoga is Boring

I realize that what’s “fun” will be different for different people, so this may not apply to you. But in my case, I’ve always preferred higher energy forms of exercise. I love cranking up the volume on my earbuds and going for a hard-core run, rolling my hips in a Zumba class, or twerking it out in “Booty 101” (yes, that’s a real class name), so I always believed that sitting cross-legged on the floor chanting “Om” with my fingers in tiny circles would be, well… boring.

What I discovered upon giving it a try was that this is a huge yoga myth! There are many different styles of yoga that have varying focuses and purposes. There is something there for everyone! After exploring different styles I’ve found that the energetic exercise I crave is a thing in yoga. Boredom has completely escaped me! Yoga has quickly become my #1 favorite workout of all time. I can’t believe I just said that, but it’s true. Sorry, Zumba. It’s been real.

Yoga Myth #2: You Must Be Fit

When I think of a typical woman who practices yoga, a particular image comes to mind. She is thin, flexible, toned, comfortable in form-fitting yoga attire and usually white. Though I’ve retained flexibility since cheerleading in high school, I meet none of those other requirements. Surely, I was unfit for yoga, especially in a group setting. This turned out to be yoga myth #2.

Starting at home was a great way for me to become more comfortable with yoga at first. I was still apprehensive walking into my first class, but what I found upon arrival was that:

I was not the only woman in less-than-perfect shape

I was not the only newbie

I was not the only woman of color, and

Even if I was the only any of these things, nobody would have cared

Part of the essence of yoga, I’ve found, is acceptance. Acceptance of others, and acceptance of yourself. Also, it is so personal that people are focused on their practice and generally not concerned about others. I feel more comfortable within the serene confines of the yoga studio than I do in the testosterone-filled weight room at the gym.

The image of a yogini that the media portrays has nothing to do with what yoga is about. The super skinny, flexible girls you see on yoga further perpetuate that false yoga myth. The only physical requirement that you need to do yoga is to physically show up. You don’t need to do or be anything other than ready and willing to start!

Yoga Myth #3: Yoga is “Just Stretching”

This was huge because I thought of yoga as “just stretching”. I couldn’t imagine “just stretching” would burn enough calories to prevent me from also having to do a “real” workout. If I only had one hour 3 days a week to exercise, I wanted the most bang for my buck. “Just stretching” wouldn’t cut it!

Well, this yoga myth turned out to be so very wrong. My first class left me dripping with sweat. My heart rate monitor said I’d burned about 350 calories! Two days later, I tried “Yoga Sculpt”, where we used hand weights and integrated more planks, pushups, squats and core work into the practice. I was so wiped out!

Yoga can indeed be meditative, spiritual and relaxing — all of which is good for those new to sobriety, whether we want to admit it or not. But yoga can also be a physically challenging, sweat-inducing, a calorie-burning activity that rivals your toughest cardio or weight-lifting session. Yoga is a real workout if you want it. Bottom line.

Yoga Myth #4: Yoga is Just Not for Me

For the longest time, I just thought that I wasn’t the type of person who would do yoga. To me, yoga was for super calm, spiritual, meditative people. That just wasn’t me! I like my music loud, my workouts intense. I’m competitive and ambitious and strong. When I finally started, however, I noticed that yoga was most definitely for people like me, too! Especially in sobriety.

I fell in love with the rigor of Ashtanga and was thrilled to be pushed to my limits. It was definitely “for me” in that way. But what I found was that yoga began to change how I viewed myself in the first place, and fast.

I can’t say that I’m any more spiritual than before, but yoga has changed me some. It has calmed me down, given me inner peace, and made me confident and self-aware in sobriety. Yoga has taught me my physical limits and how to gently work within them. Breathing intently brings such calmness and focus. Kundalini practice left me feeling euphoric.

So, while I still enjoy aggressive exercise, I’ve come to appreciate the gentle side as well. Yoga was “for me” as I already was, but as I progress on my sobriety journey, I’m discovering more about what “for me” even really means. And yoga is for that, too.

Yoga Myth #5: Yoga is too Time-Consuming

This was huge. As stated a bit above, I always felt that I’d have to choose my workouts wisely with such limited time. If I only had an hour, surely I’d rather go running than lay on the floor like a human pretzel. This idea only got worse after the birth of my son. For the first several months after his birth, I couldn’t even get to the gym. I’d just baby-wear and go running around the neighborhood park, thereby eliminating the need to travel. Bonus points for the free weighted vest that carrying a baby provides!

Now, I’m finding that yoga beats virtually any other activity I’ve engaged in when it comes to time constraints. Here’s why:

You can do it at home. There is no need to even put on your shoes or leave the house. This makes it ideal for stay-at-home-moms… you can get your full workout in while your baby naps!

It is a complete workout. Depending on the style, you can get your cardio and your strength training in one complete package. Most other workouts would still require training of the opposite type. (If you run, you still need to do resistance training).

You can break it up into parts. 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there. All of it is effective. You can even do yoga in bed!

So yup… yoga myth #5 is that it takes too much time. Quite the contrary.

The Best Way to Get Started with Yoga

Some experts believe starting at home is a no-no. It is generally suggested that you start with at least one teacher-led session so that you learn proper form. However, that is not the approach I took.

Yoga classes cost money. One of my local yoga studios is $160/month. I was hesitant to shell out a bunch of cash for obvious reasons. What if I didn’t like it? If I was physically incapable in some way, then what? What if I spent all that money and couldn’t commit? Yeah, no.

One of my mottos is moderate + simple = sustainable. Sometimes you gotta do you, boo-boo!

Free Yoga On YouTube

So, I started on YouTube! I quickly found that there is no shortage of free workouts of different levels, styles, and lengths. This was perfect for testing the waters!

My first day I browsed several beginner videos. I wound up sticking with Yoga with Adriene. She has tons of great content, a nice teaching style and is easy to follow. I started with a 15-minute sequence. Nothing about that session was particularly moving, but I did enjoy it enough to continue. By day 3 I found myself seeking out longer videos. The second week I was practicing 2-3x per day. At the two-week mark, I chose to commit. It was then that I joined Equinox and couldn’t be happier for having done so.

I know that we are all different and what works for one may not work for all. But sometimes things that we think may not be for us might turn out to be the perfect fit. I am humbled by discovering something that I dragged through the mud has brought such transformation into my life. My only regret is that I wasn’t more open-minded a lot sooner.

If you are on the fence about trying yoga, consider that you have nothing to lose but time. Yoga has so many benefits for women, you can’t lose! If you give it a shot and don’t like it, fine. But if you wait years then discover that you love it, you’ll regret the wasted time. So, go on, sis. Check out some YouTube videos. Take that class at your gym. Or maybe grab a cheap Groupon for a local yoga studio. You owe it to yourself to at least try. It just might change your life

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five-wow · 5 years

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aaand my 9.18 thoughts! there are many of them. this is the episode with danny’s mother in law and it was... a ride.

half naked sweaty man growls at random cars in the dark - is this teen wolf? twilight? so many possibilities

half naked sweaty man just got hit by a truck in a way he probably won’t survive if he’s not actually a werewolf. i don’t recall that ever happening in twilight, gosh.

we get steve and danny arriving at the hilton! this i’ve seen, because it was one of the preview clips, but i do like it a lot. i also like that steve implies that danny has been holding the liver donation over steve’s head constantly for favors, because a) we haven’t actually seen danny do that in recent times as far as i remember? like, at all? but mostly: b) this opens up endless fic opportunities about the many and varied Things Danny Asks Steve To Do to repay him for, and I quote danny here, “the gift of life”. that’s beautifully dramatic. nice choice of words.

and another thing: steve is claiming that this is the last favor he’ll do for danny and then they’ll be even, but come on, steve, honey. we all know who you are. we’ve all seen you agree to run a flipping restaurant with danny. like you’re going to tell him no after this, next time he asks you to do something ridiculous

danny: “your naive optimism is uh, is very cute.” steve: [looks at danny sideways for a moment too long]

danny is trying to tell steve that his mother in law tortured him his entire marriage and steve’s not really getting it, so that’s Not Good, but i’m skipping past that for the moment and hopping straight into “what are you gonna do? just tell me.” / “i’m gonna stand there and look handsome and not say anything.” because that is Good. i rambled about this in the tags of some post, i think, but i love how steve’s response is clearly rehearsed and probably something danny fed him pretty literally (“[don’t just] stand there and look handsome” is an exact phrase danny used earlier this season, even), which is something all kinds of things could be said about in general, but also means that danny indirectly called steve cute AND handsome in the span of maybe a minute of this episode. wherever this ends up, at least it has a good start

this DANGER! DANGER! music when rachel’s mother opens the door both made me laugh with how unexpectedly over the top it was and has me kind of tired of the setup of this plotline already. terrible, horrible mother in law stories? i’m not a huge fan

alright, so i’m ignoring all the prickly passive-agressive behavior from rachel’s mom towards danny for the moment because ugh, and what i like far better anyway is how well steve is keeping to his mission to stand sit there and look handsome and not say anything. he even LOOKS AT DANNY FOR PERMISSION when rachel’s mom asks him a direct question that he can’t answer with stoic, handsome silence.

the first words out of steve’s mouth are, of course, “daniel’s my partner”. when are they not. (though he did remember the “we work together” bit this time, which is rare)

he called danny “daniel” and introduces himself as “steven” which cracks me up for no good reason. i guess he’s trying to be fancy?

i... i... you know, i just don’t really know what to say about the way rachel’s mom (amanda savage, i think? let’s call her amanda) snubs danny every chance she gets and flirts with steve in this extremely, well, almost stereotypical “rich older woman on the prowl” way. idk, i really think meeting rachel’s mom could have been very interesting, but with the way this character was written and behaves, she’s pretty much a caricature. not even in a way that’s clever or funny to me, just in a way that really tires me out because it’s mean and not very interesting and every so slightly misogynistic.

steve: “i can handle myself.” amanda, leering: “i bet you can.” danny: YEP ALRIGHT i’m going to jump in here with an unnecessary defense of steve that sounds like i’m boasting about him.

steve thinks danny needs to relax. oh boy. oh babe. that’s maybe not... quite the right way to handle this situation where your bff is very clearly being put down repeatedly by a woman that he’s been telling you (also repeatedly) that he has a bad history with. on the other hand, you know, i could almost make steve’s reaction here make sense for myself, because amanda reminds me of steve’s own mom in certain ways and steve’s never been good at standing up against doris or seeing her shit for what is really is either, so. gosh. boy has some issues. (but danny still REALLY deserves better support than this, so get over it, steve.)

why the random single word of italian, steve, omg. danny’s “kiss ass” was very deserved.

junior: “the killer’s dna or fingerprints could be on one of these vials.” tani: “ugh, wouldn’t that be oh so helpful? which probably means it’s not gonna happen.” tani, you poetic and nobel land mermaid, you really don’t know how these detective shows work, do you?

i do like this case that the rest of five-0 is working on, by the way! it’s very interesting so far

steve: “i am four glasses of champagne in today.” fdjkfdjk maybe that’s how he’s still so cheerful in amanda’s presence. hey danny, there’s your solution: day drinking.

okay. OKAY. amanda just handed steve and only steve a present for all his hard work because he “came of [his] own volition”, which sure, whatever, obviously she was going to snub danny here too by not getting him anything, but the reason for it is what bugs me. “i realize of course that daniel had to come because of the family obligations and that”, she says, but omg, WHAT family obligations? he divorced your daughter, holy shit. he’s your grandkids’ dad, but that’s a LOT of corners to take before we get to you two being family, let alone having any obligations to each other. which, really, even if he did have those - maybe you, dear amanda, could possibly be convinced to feel obligated to be ever so slightly less completely hostile to this guy who’s doing you a favor. this is. this is very annoying.

this thing where steve asks amanda about where she gets the ideas for her books and amanda says she just had some inspiration for a story about a policeman who risks everything for the love of an older woman? i mean, i knew something like that was coming, because it had to, but i still think it’s pretty damn creepy.

steve: “i would uh, i would read that.” steve, darling, the fuck are you doing.

danny: “yeah, except he can’t actually read unless it’s a cereal box or something like that.” completely untrue (steve is a nerd! steve reads for fun!), but also completely deserved, holy shit. wreck him, danny.

amanda complains about rachel’s wedding day (when she was getting married to danny, obviously, who’s sitting right next to her) and we’re getting some impressive Looks between steve and danny and yes!! that’s better!! that’s more like the understanding danny deserves

danny’s dad paid extra for the fish tank in the wedding day limousine for amanda (which means he went out of his way to get her something nice!) that she’s now ragging on, and her answer is “well daniel, you and i have different ideas of what constitutes class” which is just. god. i hate everything about that. and not even in the way where it’s fun to dislike a character, which it can be if things are done right, but in the way where it just... physically makes my skin crawl. idk if this is still supposed to be funny, but it’s not my idea of humor.

junior: “i’m pretty sure that guy thinks i’m gay.” tani: “weird. just a normal, heterosexual dude chatting up every muscley guy in this gym. what would make anyone think that?” okay, so this isn’t the most original joke ever, but this show is often so extremely straight that i’m just low key very excited about every single time they acknowledge the fact that that’s not entirely the only option. also, i love tani. so much.

TANI HAS TO IMPROVISE A DANCE CLASS. “booty boost 101.” beautiful. THAT’S the content i’m here for, omg.

danny: “you hear that stuff about the wedding?” steve: “yeah, that was a little harsh.” A LITTLE. and then he starts explaining the difference between the english and americans to danny, which, sweetheart, danny was married to an englishwoman for a decade. you’re mansplaining this except, like, to another man, for a change.

danny tells steve that he FLEW TO ENGLAND on a budget to ask amanda for rachel’s hand because rachel’s dad had passed away and amanda told him no. oh, fuck off. steve, you fuck off too, right now, because i love you but you’re being Not Great about this.

steve: “you know what that is, right? that right there, that’s self-pity.” STEVE. NO. BAD STEVE. i get where he’s coming from and maybe danny even needs to hear this on some level, but steve can’t say this shit after he’s already been taking amanda’s side all day.

steve: “cause let me telll you right now, you, my friend, you are more than adequate.” danny: “thank you. thank you.” steve: “you’re welcome.” that’s more like it! it’s a start, anyway, even though it’s probably all we’re going to get.

danny has made reservations at THREE fancy restaurants to give amanda options, but she asks for steve’s opinion and he (of course) takes her to kamekona’s. oh god. but hey, at least danny’s “please make sure that everything is fresh, because if she gets food poisoning we’ll all be killed” made me laugh.

FLIPPA READS ROMANCE NOVELS AND WILL NOT BE ASHAMED OF IT. this is the first actually good thing to come out of this whole romance novel author thing!

steve, to amanda, while danny is out of earshot: “you know i got to tell you something, i’ve known a lot of people in my life, and that man right there? [points to danny, pauses] he’s the best of the best.” this is GOOD, but you should perhaps consider not only taking danny’s side with any kind of conviction when it’s behind his back. he needs to hear this!!!

amanda pretends to be unsure if steve means flippa or danny and steve goes, actually kind of annoyed for the first time all day, “mandy”, and i appreciate that. i appreciate less that amanda immediately tries to change the subject so they’re talking about steve.

danny tries one last time to point out to amanda that she’s being unfair and when she’s still unwilling to admit to anything he calmly STANDS UP and WALKS AWAY. i can’t even put words to how much i’m cheering for him right now because SHIT YES GOOD FUCKING FINALLY. plus, the way he did this? fuck. i’m proud.

amanda’s reaction: “ah.” can we, like... send her into space? permanently?

steve’s face, though, is far more interesting to me.

lou shoots the doctor who was trying to run away in the leg!!!! holy shit, that’s exactly the thing i’m always quietly wondering about, because it would be SUCH a good way to keep someone from running without, you know, killing the suspect on the spot.

this thing with tani almost dying was intense, god.

danny is at the hotel bar and tells the bartender he has a buddy coming to meet him (which is why he buys two beers) soooo that’s very obviously steve. and then amanda turns up. which i knew would happen, because i’ve seen people talk about it, but still. not what we want.

amanda...... “swiped”..... steve’s phone. meaning she lured danny here using steve. great. awesome. just, really, just super. (like. fucking at least be honest about wanting to talk to danny or something, if that’s what you want. he’s been nothing but curteous to you despite your horrific behavior, and still you feel the need to trick him into this? jesus.)

“sorry for all the subterfuge but i had to have a conversation with you and i knew that you’d say no if i asked.” if there’s one thing that’s become pretty clear this episode it’s that she literally doesn’t know danny at all, omg, but i guess that at least this is in character for her by now.

oh my gosh. just. oh my fucking god. amanda tells danny that she kind of identified with him because she grew up with three siblings in a two-bedroom apartment, but she always wanted something more, and she was looking for a good man but never found one, and then she was jealous of rachel when rachel found danny because he is a good man. this is so many levels of fucked up all stacked on top of each other that i don’t even want to try to pry them apart right now.

danny, very drily: “hm.” I LAUGHED SO HARD. this episode is shitty to danny, but at least danny’s reactions are very on point and relatable.

amanda goes on, and of course shit gets worse, because her bodyguard isn’t even out of commission, she just used that as a ploy to “have a talk” with danny. danny kind of laughs like this is the weirdest shit he’s heard all week and goes “yeah?” and honestly, poor guy.

danny: “you didn’t wanna just tell me that when you, when you first saw me? you wonna torture me for the whole day?” you know, one thing i’m glad for is that at least, at the very least, the show lets danny be fully aware that this is Not Okay.

amanda: “do you care about my daughter, daniel?” danny: “yes, i do.” amanda: “well good, then don’t toy with her affections. i know that you two have been seeing each other a lot and i know that she is talking about you all the time so i don’t want to see her hurt again, okay?” listen. this is just. this is just such bizarre retcon shit the writers are trying to pull about the way things between rachel and danny went down that i just. i’m mad, on some level, sure, but mostly i just have to laugh because it’s so ridiculous? danny’s mother in law is an absolute nightmare to him all day, then lies to get him to this hotel bar for a talk, confesses she orchestrated this entire day just to get to this talk (but still wilfully made him miserable for some reason? why???), and tells him that he shouldn’t play with her daughter’s feelings after she’s never been anything but awful to him, has tried to keep her away from her daughter from the very start, and just told him that she apparently did all of that (for years and years!) because she was jealous that rachel had found a Good Man and she hadn’t. i am. completely overwhelmed, honestly. this is too much to take in.

amanda: “i want you to do right by her. will you do right by her?” danny: “yes.” danny looks confused, and that’s how i feel, honestly.

... and. and then he pays for champagne for her. wasn’t she having dinner with rachel and the kids? why is she drinking champagne with danny now?

okaaaaay. so. this was... an episode. that’s something i can say for sure.

for all of the rest of it, i think i need to give this some time to sink in and mull it over, because there’s A LOT to unpack here. amanda is, uh, a strong character. she doesn’t seem like a person i’d wish on anyone, least of all as a mom. rachel’s deception and her penchant for lying to danny? yeah, i can see where that’s coming from, now. that’s one interesting thing to come from this episode, i suppose - some character background for rachel.

then there’s steve, who took most of this way less seriously than i think he really should have, and when he finally started seeing sense and sticking up for danny near the end of the episode, he just... disappeared. i really wanted steve and danny to at least have some kind of talk after danny walked away from kamekona’s, but that was the last we saw of steve. danny was trying to have a beer with steve, but obviously that turned out to have been amanda’s charming little “ploy”, so he ended up having champagne with amanda instead. which is still. uh. weird. she never apologized for any of the shit she pulled (except for that little “sorry for all the subterfuge” which really doesn’t cover it) and even after she supposedly explained herself, she still turned her nose up at the beer that danny had bought for steve and offered to her until he said she could have something else if she wanted. doesn’t she have her own money? she’s a rich romance author. buy your own fucking champagne, amanda. or better yet, cover danny’s beer - it’s the last you could do.

what i liked a little more was danny’s complete lack of a reaction to most of what amanda said to him at the bar. i mean, he laughs and looks disbelieving and possibly a little wtf-ish, but that’s about it. i’m guessing, as usual when it comes to anything danny&rachel related, that the writers are interpreting this differently from what i want to read into this (or at least they’re using it to push in a direction i really don’t want to go), but that’s the thing about this - it’s pretty open to interpretation, because danny says very little and his faces could mean any of a million things.

also. that talk at the bar? it feels kind of useless in the end. amanda said some stuff but didn’t apologize or promise to change her behavior and in fact she seemed pretty much the same with her whole champagne thing, and danny didn’t really get to say anything at all, so this does pretty much nothing for them. i guess the champagne was meant as a celebration for... a new level of understanding? but is that really something that was happening there? you could read that into it, if you really wanted to, but i’m not seeing it.

anyway. i liked the drugs storyline that the rest of five-0 was working on! that was good. the steve and danny part... i don’t know. it was a lot.

#h50 #9.18 #i checked how many words this is and it's 3k fdjkfdjk #and i still haven't worked through my thoughts on this!#this is going to take me a while #*

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sockablock · 6 years

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Something New for Me and You

• (start) (AO3) (prev) (next) •

Ch. 4: Vanilla, Cream, and Chocolate Shavings

Caleb opened his eyes, and rolled over in bed, and waited for his brain to catch up and tell him what time it was. When the tired answer of “7AM” finally crept through the fog of exhaustion, he sighed to himself, slipped off his covers, and trudged into the bathroom. It was only as he just finished brushing his teeth over the chipped sink in front of the water-stained mirror did he remember that he did not have work today.

Or, rather, that he should have had work today.

He spat out his toothpaste and rinsed his mouth. He silently watched the suds swirl down the drain. He continued to stare long after the basin had dried. Then he put his toothbrush back on the ledge next to the green, untouched and very dusty child’s toothbrush that always rested there, and walked back to his bed.

He laid down and stared at the ceiling.

After about an hour, he shot up and marched out into the kitchen.

•

Around this time, Yasha awoke. The sound of pedestrians out on the street and the rush of cars passing by welcomed her brightly, as it did every morning. She rubbed at her eyes, yawned, and stretched.

•

“What’s all this for?” Not asked as she climbed onto the dinner table with a strip of jerky in her hands.

Caleb looked up from the massive pile of newspapers spread out before him, and gently tugged free a page that Nott had taken a seat on. Then he gestured at the nearest advert, which read:

Waiter Wanted—apply at the Meal Hearth, front counter.

“I’m job-hunting,” Caleb sighed. “We need a steadier stream of income than three days at a library and whatever you can steal.”

Nott raised an eyebrow. “Do you even know how to be a waiter?” she asked.

“Well, no,” he admitted, “but I suppose I will have to learn.”

“Maybe I could find a job too?” she suggested. “That way you wouldn’t be the only one caught in the cogs of our terrible capitalist society. And anyways, isn’t it good for you to have some free time?”

Caleb blinked a few times as he tried to process that statement. Then he sighed and said, “As nice as that would be, I do not think it is possible. You aren’t exactly…what, er, what most employers are looking for.”

“That’s true,” Nott agreed, and chewed a bite of jerky. “I’m also not technically a citizen, so that could make things complicated, right?”

“Right. Maybe you should just focus on just having sticky fingers for now. And speaking of sticky fingers, it is time to head out to Oglen’s soon, ja?”

Nott shook her head and waved the jerky in front of his face. “Actually,” she said, “I should head out to Oglen’s soon. You should be getting ready for your date.”

Caleb blinked. “My date? I don’t have a…oh. You mean coffee with Mollymauk?”

Nott pulled out her phone and beamed. “That’s the one,” she said. “He wants to meet up at ten, which is in…two hours. This is the address,” she added, flipping the screen around. “You’ll remember it, right?”

“Ja, of course,” Caleb said, though now suddenly overwhelmed. “But I do not understand why I would need two hours to get ready. Especially for a casual meet-up between acquaintances.”

Nott sighed. “The first time you met each other, it was at a crazy-fancy restaurant and you were in a dinner jacket that Jester custom-ordered for you. He’s going to have expectations.”

“But he was here for movies just two nights ago,” Caleb protested. “I was not dressed so nicely then.”

“That’s different,” Nott said, shaking her head. “There were a bunch of people around then, so it doesn’t matter so much. But when it’s just the two of you, the stakes are higher. You’ve got to be presentable. Come on, Caleb, even I know this, and I’m a goblin.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry, sorry,” he sighed. “It has been a while since I’ve needed to bother with this sort of thing. Are you sure this level of effort is required for when two people who barely know each other go to a café?”

“I wouldn’t say he barely knows you,” Nott said, “but yes. It’s even more important if you aren’t familiar, because his impression of you isn’t finished yet. I know these things.”

“Yes, and how do you know these things?”

She shrugged. “Jester let me borrow her magazines.”

“…what are these magazines called?”

“Iva’s Secrets. They’re by some lady who runs a bookstore for ‘young wimmen’ and ‘lonely gents,’ according to the back page.”

Caleb was quiet for a moment. Then he sighed and rubbed his temples. “I am not sure you should be reading these, but I suppose I am not one to stop you from pursuing the written word—”

“—damn straight.”

“—so I will just shut up and…and…prepare for this casual meet-up, then.”

“Great!” Nott grinned and slid off the table. Then she passed Caleb her phone and added, “Here. I’ll leave this with you in case you need to call Molly while I’m gone. Oh, I’m so excited to see what’s in the store today. There are so many shiny trinkets and flashy baubles, and Oglen doesn’t even notice when I take stuff from him to re-sell.”

•

“I’m just saying,” Beau said as she slowly lowered the last of the kettlebells. “You’re going to need a lot of pantry space. Jester eats like…well, like a demon. Or a teenage boy.”

Fjord wiped a towel across his brow. “But pastries don’t even last that long,” he said. “And it’s not like you’re supposed to put them into a cupboard, right?”

Beau shook her head. “The point is that she’s going to try to. And when she realizes that they went stale, like they always do, then she’s going to buy sugary snacks and candy to make up for it. And if you aren’t prepared, it’ll be heaps and heaps of bags everywhere, and you’ll go crazy. Believe me, I’ve been her roommate for like…three years now.”

“And I always commend you for that sacrifice, Beau.”

“Thanks.” She tossed him a water bottle. “Now it’s your turn.”

Fjord took a seat on the bench and sighed. “Moving in together is a real big deal, you know? I just want to make sure everything works out right.”

Beau plopped down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Relax, Fjord, relax. She’s head-over-heels for you. It’ll be fine.”

“But what if it isn’t?” he pressed. “What if she ends up hating how much I snore, or she gets sick of me kicking in bed all the time, or what if I have a million little habits that it turns out she can’t stand? I mean, sometimes I leave clothes out, and maybe I forget to put the cap back on the toothpaste, what if that bothers her but she’s too nice to tell me, and it all ends up just…festerin’ until she hates me?”

Beau shook her head. “First of all, if she doesn’t like something she’ll definitely let you know. Nothing gets held back for her, that’s Jester 101. Secondly, if you already know you do these things, then warn her! Set some fuckin’ boundaries! You two need to sit down and have a chat about this shit, right? That’s what we did on day one.”

Fjord nodded, and gave her a weak smile. “Thanks, Beau. That’s…pretty smart.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. “I’m an educated motherfucker, alright? Even if I ran away from school, I still know some shit.”

“I don’t really think they teach you that stuff in sch—”

Beau waved a hand dismissively. “You know what I mean. Don’t push it.”

He snorted. “Alright, alright, you got it.”

“Great. Now, it’s almost nine. Get your ass to class. If you fail, you can’t sneak me into the college gym anymore and our entire friendship will fall apart. Hop to it."

•

Mollymauk Tealeaf, standing out on the sidewalk in front of the large windows of the café, checked his phone. Then he examined his reflection the glass, adjusted his jewelry, and checked his phone again.

It was…okay to arrive this early, right? It was the proper thing to do, right? Even if was only 8:45AM and they were supposed to meet at ten, right?

After a few more moments of deliberation, he brushed off his jacket and decided to take another lap around the block. Then he’d definitely go inside and scout out the perfect place to sit.

He could also use that time to decide what to order. Yes. Good. Now he had a plan.

•

“Are you kidding me?” Nott shook her head. “That ring’s got to be worth at least forty. Do you see that? Those little flowers? That’s ornamental, that is. Sophisticated, that is.”

Oglen squinted through the lens of his spectacles. “Flowers? What, the squiggles? Eh…I’ll go thirty, but no higher than that.”

“Come on, come on, that’s genuine bronze, there! Caleb checked it, and you know how smart he is. We’re returning customers too, regulars even. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

Oglen seemed to consider this for a moment, then sighed and lowered his glasses. “Alright, Nott. Thirty-five.”

“Thirty-seven.”

“Thirty-six.”

“Deal.”

He nodded, and added the ring to a growing pile of random jewelry and knick-knacks resting on the wooden countertop between them. Then he made a small note at the bottom of a slip of paper and turned back to Nott.

“Okay,” he said. “What else have you got?”

She reached into her pouch and produced a set of earrings. “Now, don’t try to sell me short again, Oglen. These have got gemstones, alright? They’ll be worth more than a pretty penny to any lady coming here to buy from you.”

The wizened old gnome pushed up his spectacles.

“Bring ‘em closer,” he said. “I’ll be the judge of that.

•

Caleb finally managed to dig out a knit cardigan from the very back of his not-so-large closet, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was old, probably from a thrift store, and unsurprisingly a shade of light brown, but all the buttons were still there and the collar wasn’t too bulky and really, it was the best he could do.

He pushed aside the wrinkled t-shirts and occasional hoodie that had swamped his bed and lay the cardigan down gently on the covers. Then he nodded to himself and walked into the bathroom.

He stared at his reflection for a few moments, taking in the dark circles under his eyes, the pale tone of his face, the overall sunken nature of his features. He ran a hand through his beard, freshly-washed but rather messy and tangled, especially for its short length.

He put his forehead against the mirror. He stared into the sink. He reached a hand into his pocket, pulled out Nott’s cell, and dialed a number.

The phone rang a few times before the person on the other end picked up.

“Hello? Nott?”

“Er, actually,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “actually, this is Caleb. How are you, Yasha?”

There was a brief pause on the end of the line.

“Caleb? Are you okay?”

He gave a nervous laugh. “No, no, nothing is the matter. I cannot just call one of my few friends for a chat? No such thing as pleasant conversation, anymore?”

“You don’t even have a phone you use, Caleb. Try again.”

He sighed.

“Yasha, you have known this group longer than I have. And you are used to dealing with many individuals from your work at the bar. I, on the other hand…I am an odd duck and this group is very large for me. I’ve only had Nott and Frumpkin for a year, you know? Then suddenly I met Jester and you and Beau, which has been wonderful, but now we are adding Molly and Fjord after barely having time to get to know the rest of you, and Beau and I have only just made up over the ‘bowl incident,’ and now today Molly and I are supposed to meet one-on-one, and…and I would like to make a good impression. I would like some advice.”

There was another, much longer pause. Yasha seemed to be trying to think of a response.

“Er, well…” she said, “...well, I mean...I am awkward too, Caleb, but...er...I suppose, if he tries to talk to you, you should respond, and, er...and you should be nice, and…and chew with your mouth closed, and wash your hands…”

And then they were both silent, for a while.

“I am confused,” Caleb said eventually. “Do you…have advice, or—”

Yasha sighed deeply. “Yes, yes, I do, I think, I am…not very good at this. Just, well, just be clean? It helps to be clean. How do you do that, anyway, stay dirty all the time?”

There was another pause.

“I did not mean that to sound so accusatory,” Yasha said quietly. “I apologize—”

“Nein, no, it is alright,” Caleb said quickly, “I got it. I just…er…well, this is a big city. And if you want to go unnoticed, the best way is to, as you said, ‘stay dirty,’ and people tend not to pay attention to you."

“I understand that,” Yasha said immediately. “I like to evade notice too, but I am…hard to miss. Not, you know, not hard to miss in the sense that, ‘woo, I am so pretty, I am so hard to miss,’ but more like…like…”

“Like you are built like a barn.”

“Exactly.”

“You know what I miss?” Caleb sighed, and pulled back to look at his reflection.

“What?”

He ran a hand through his beard. “I miss shaving. Feeling clean.”

There was another pause. Then Yasha spoke:

“I could…er…I could shave you, if you like?”

He blinked. “Was? Really? Have you…done that sort of thing before?”

“Yes, I have. Molly or Jester can tell you. Hang on, hang on, are you at home? I can be there in ten minutes.”

Caleb blinked again. “Oh, er, Yasha, it is alright, I do not think—”

The line went dead. He lowered the phone and stared at the blank screen for a few moments. Then he sighed, and went to go sink his face into a pillow.

•

“Jester,” Fjord whispered to hunched shape sitting next to him. “Jester, do you understand what Anders is goin’ on about?”

She glanced up from her notebook, covered in scribbled doodles and tiny comments in the margins. She glanced around the lecture hall, to the whiteboard, and then back at Fjord.

“Are…uh…are we still on chapter seven?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, good,” she grinned. “In that case, yes, I do know what he’s talking about.”

“Thank the gods. D’you think you could give me a hand, later on today? I’m lost.”

Jester reached over and gave him a pat on the hand. “Of course, Fjord. But really, I think maybe you should just get a tutor. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and Caleb would probably love more business, you know?”

He nodded sheepishly. “I think that’s probably a good idea. Otherwise I might have to kiss goin’ to Soltryce goodbye.”

She gave him another pat. “I can ask him for you later,” she whispered. “Now hush, I am in the middle of telling the Traveler what happened in The Courting of the Crick last night.”

•

“Yasha, is that a sword?”

“Yes? Why?”

Caleb rubbed his temples, and considered the wicked black pommel sticking out from behind Yasha’s imposing frame. The rest of the blade, wrapped in canvas, hung a foot off the ground. All in all, the weapon was probably almost as tall as its owner, which was saying something.

He sighed and waved a hand. “Come in, come in, I guess. You can put your coat on the rack, and…Yasha why do you have a sword?”

She took her boots off and hung her jacket up and followed him into the living room-area of the apartment.

“I don’t know,” she said, “for protection? You never know when you need a good sword.”

“Do…do you need a permit for that, or…?”

She shrugged. “Nobody has approached me about it so far.”

Caleb stared at her, took in her rock-hard biceps and sharp face paint and dead-eyed, cold-faced stare. She was probably a good foot-and-a-half taller than him, and twice as wide.

“I can’t imagine why,” he said. “Anyways, er…what am I supposed to do? Should I lie down?”

Yasha seemed to think about this for a moment. “Yes,” she said, “that might be best. Here, er…on the floor should work.”

He looked down at the wooden floorboards, and then watched as she casually unsheathed the sword. He quickly got down.

“Do you…always use such a large blade for these things?” he asked.

“No,” Yasha admitted. “Usually a dagger, or a razor, or something.”

“So why did you bring that?”

“It’s the only thing I have. Why, do you have a razor?”

Caleb considered this for a moment, weighing the options between having to actually go out and spend money on a pack of razors, versus putting his faith in Yasha.

He sighed. “Is this…is this going to hurt me? I know you are very strong, but is dexterity—”

“I have done this many times before,” she said. “I like having smooth arms, you know, and Molly likes having—”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Caleb squeezed his eyes shut. Then he opened them again and met her gaze. “I am glad we are friends,” he added quietly.

She cracked a smile at that. “I am glad also.”

“Oh. Oh, good.”

And then he closed his eyes and held his breath and steeled himself and waited.

•

“Oglen, it has been a pleasure doing business with you as always,” Nott grinned as the gnome grudgingly took her hand. “I admire your bartering skills, but know that on this day, you have been bested by Nott the Brave!”

He huffed. “You’re lucky I like you,” he said. “Not many others would be so nice about dealing with goblins. I hope you remember that next time you try and bargain the price up that high.”

“I hope you remember that I know what health code standards look like, and I know that the city isn’t so kind to merchants trading in illegal magical artifacts.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Oglen said. “It has been a pleasure. Come back any time.”

And with that, Nott shoved the bills into her pocket and cheerfully skipped out of the store.

•

Caleb turned back to a rather satisfied-looking Yasha standing in the doorway to his bathroom.

“Well?” she asked. “What do you think?”

He ran a finger along his jawline and over his chin, smooth for the first time in over a year. There was an occasional stubby patch, but nothing too obvious for those that didn’t know where to look.

“It’s…it’s fantastic, Yasha,” he said quietly. “Really. Thank you.”

She nodded. “You are welcome. Pay me back with Frumpkin?”

He chuckled at that. “Of course, Engel. I need to dress quickly now, but he will be in the kitchen. Stay as long as you please.”

Yasha's multicolored eyes glimmered. “Have fun on your date,” she said. “I will go find the cat.”

And before Caleb could correct her—it’s not a date, seriously—she darted out of the room with surprising speed, and he was alone in the bedroom.

He sighed, gave one last glance at his reflection, and started getting ready.

•

Molly, still out on the sidewalk, finally nodded to himself, slung a long, plastic garment bag over his shoulder, and strode into the café.

•

“Jester, why do you keep checking your phone?” Fjord whispered as the lesson continued. “It’s not polite.”

“It’s not any ruder than doodling,” she hissed back, “which is what I would be doing. Anyways, I’m checking to see if Molly’s sent me any texts. He and Caleb are going on that date today, remember?”

“Oh,” Fjord nodded. “Is that why Molly was so frantic this mornin’ about what to wear?”

“Probably,” Jester shrugged. “You know, you really shouldn’t have to ask me for information about his personal life. He’s your roommate.”

Fjord sighed. “Molly is an enigma to me, Jes. Give me Beau any day, I at least understand her. She’s a straight shooter. Well, not a straight shooter—”

Jester giggled. “Definitely not. Don’t worry, Oskar, I will keep giving you romantic updates. Even when you don’t want them, I will keep doing so.”

He sighed again. “Thank you, I think?”

“You’re welcome. Now hush, I am trying to focus. Go back to learning, or whatever you were doing before.”

•

A tiny bell over the door jingled softly as Caleb stepped inside. The Candleglow Café—its name scrawled proudly outside the large glass windows in curling script—was a small establishment with a warmly-lit interior. The ceiling sported a canopy of hanging plants, tiny yellow and scarlet flowers peeking through broad green leaves in wicker baskets. The hardwood floors gleamed from sunlight filtering in, and the afternoon crowd’s idle chatter created a soft blanket of quiet sound. Two figures stood at the wooden counter to the left, its surface piled high with platters of pastries. A chalkboard behind them listed drink offerings and announced that peppermint lattes were the season’s specialty. The smell of brewing espresso warmed the air.

Glancing around, Caleb could see that the clientele not only included the standard humans, halflings and such, but also a handful of more colorful folks. Their groupings varied; a tiefling sat across from a dwarf and a pair of sun elves shared drinks with two humans, and so on. None of the chairs they sat in matched either—some were painted with flowers, others sported cushions, a few metal, at the back were just sofas thrown in for fun. But instead of feeling haphazard and random, the atmosphere seemed strangely homey, weirdly honest. It was the very definition of snug. It said: we might not be organized, or coherent, or make any sense, but it works. And we serve damn good coffee.

As Caleb made one final sweep of the café, his eyes landed on a splash of purple lounging behind one of the small circular tables to his right, by the windows. It wore a maroon varsity jacket absolutely wrecked with embroidery, and had a pair of curling horns sporting silver and gold jewelry.

It was Mollymauk. Who looked over, saw Caleb, and immediately sat up and waved.

“Over here, dear!”

Caleb restrained himself from nervously combing through his hair, smiled weakly instead, and walked over.

“I hope I am not late,” he said, taking the seat across from Molly. “I was, er…shaving.”

He did not notice over his mounting panic, but Molly took a moment to respond and stumbled slightly as he did.

“You look dear, great—I mean, ah, you look quite nice.” He cleared his throat and turned around, revealing a long plastic bag draped over the back of his chair. He grabbed it and passed it over to Caleb.

“It’s your jacket,” he explained. “That you let me borrow. I had it cleaned for you, I hope that’s alright?”

“What?” Caleb blinked. “Oh, ja, er, that is very nice of you, Mollymauk. Thank you.”

“Yes, well. I figured it was the least I could do. You kept me from getting hypothermia that night, so I’d better make sure your clothes stay clean, right?”

“Ah…yes. Right.”

There was a pause, filled with background chatter and rustling as Caleb settled the bag over his own chair. Then he faced Molly again, and they stared at each other wordlessly for a few moments. Caleb scrambled frantically for something to fill the silence, and unknown to him, Molly did as well.

“So, do you—”

“Any preference for—”

Another pause.

“You first,” they both said at exactly the same time.

A final pause, which Caleb broke by laughing awkwardly.

“You go,” he said. “What were you saying?”

“Well, nothing too dramatic,” Molly grinned, and then tried not to wonder why he said that. He cleared his throat and continued. “I was just going to ask if there was a drink you’d like. I did promise to treat you, right?”

“Oh,” said Caleb. “Oh, yes. Ah…I usually just get black coffee,” and balked when he saw the offended expression on Molly’s face. “Er…is that bad?” he asked.

“My dear sir,” Molly said, pressing a hand over his heart, “that is a crime. Come on, the Candleglow has plenty to offer. Name any flavor combination you’d like, and I’m sure they can make it.”

Caleb seemed to consider this for a moment. “Anything?” he asked.

“Anything your heart desires, dear. Come on, is there anything you’ve always wanted to try before, or a drink you used to love? I bet there is.”

Caleb hesitated. Then he rubbed his chin. “You are going to think this is silly,” he said. “I had it mostly as a joke the first time.”

Molly’s eyes glittered and he leaned across the table. “Oh, dear. Now you’ve got my interest. Lay it on me.”

Caleb nodded. “It was something I had a long time ago, traveling with…with classmates. It was called a Rüdesheimer Kaffee. I think perhaps it is too early for anything alcoholic, but it was a very strong coffee drink, and then they added brandy, and whipped cream, and chocolate. And vanilla, I think, somewhere in there.”

He looked at Molly sheepishly. “A bit too fancy, though, ja?”

“It’s brilliant,” Molly said. “Gods, I want one right now.”

Caleb chuckled. “I do not know if they serve that sort of thing so far south, where we are,” he said. “And I would rather not have brandy before noon.”

“But vanilla and chocolate?” Molly asked, raising an eyebrow. “Now that sounds like much more fun than a black coffee, my dear. Hang on,” he said, and stood up. “I’m going to have a word with Thaddeus. I’ll be right back.”

And before Caleb could say a word, Molly had run off and was in deep discussion with a halfling—Thaddeus—behind the counter. He watched them go back and forth for a few moments, Molly pointing at various jars and nodding excitedly as two cups were brought out and filled and adorned to his satisfaction.

He returned and placed their drinks on the tabletop, pushing one towards Caleb.

Whatever coffee was inside had been absolutely buried under a large swirl of whipped cream, topped with little shavings of chocolate. It smelled like vanilla.

“To friends who help you stay warm,” Molly beamed, and lifted his own cup.

Caleb managed a smile at that. “Ja, alright,” he agreed. “And to warm cafés.”

When the drink hit his lips, Caleb’s eyes went wide, He lowered the cup and blinked. There was a line of white foam on his upper lip. “Scheiss,” he said, “this is much sweeter than what I remember.”

Molly wore an immense grin. “Just the way I like it,” he said, then chuckled. “Are you alright, Mister Caleb? Is it too sugary?”

Caleb shook his head and cleared his throat quietly. “No, no,” he said, “not at all. I am just unused to…to that taste. Give me a moment, do not worry.”

“Is it close to the…the rude drink, you mentioned before?”

Caleb actually snorted at that. “Rüdesheimer Kaffee,” he corrected teasingly. “And it was not too bad. Of course, I appreciate the lack of alcohol—”

“A shame, but you’re welcome.”

“—and the taste it not exactly the same, but it is quite nice. Quite nice indeed. Thank you.”

Molly beamed. “No problem, dear. Now, I assume we should talk about ourselves, yes? Especially since Jester and Fjord aren’t here to interrupt.”

“Ja, I suppose so. What do you propose?”

“I know virtually nothing about you dear.” Molly leaned back in his chair. “And I don’t remember talking that much about myself, so why don’t we do a trade? I’ll ask you a question, and you ask me one in return.”

Caleb raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. “That sounds like a good start. Er…go ahead?”

Molly laughed. “Hmm…how about…do you like your job? I seem to recall Jester saying you work at the library.”

“That would be correct,” Caleb sighed. “It is nice, all in all. Easy work, very quiet, and usually I am left to my own reading. The only problem, I would say, is that they do not give me more hours.”

“Well, that must be their loss, dear. You seem like the library type, you know.”

“Do I?”

“All you need are glasses, and you’d be perfect. It’s a, ah, a good look on you.”

“Oh. Er…thank you.” Caleb fidgeted with the handle of his mug for a few moments before speaking. “So, do you like your job? Being such a fancy singer at the Moondrop, and all?”

Molly grinned. “I’m definitely lucky to work somewhere so fun,” he conceded. “Though, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, I could stand to get into a little less trouble with the clientele.”

“Actually,” Caleb said, “I have been wondering about that. How is it that you are not swarmed on the streets? How is it that presses do not harass you, and all that? If you are so famed as Jester and Fjord said.” Then he balked and added, “That came out a bit, er…confrontational. Sorry.”

Molly waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, Mister Caleb, I got it. I think it’s mostly that…when I’m up on stage, I’m somebody else. I feel…like I was born to be the center of attention, in a weird way. And when I’m on the arm of some celebrity, or when I have a famous person on mine, I then for the rest of the world, I’m flashy and interesting. But when I’m alone…or in a quiet café out of the way like this…I don’t think I’m quite so interesting anymore. And not as recognizable. With someone famous, I’m exotic. I’m glamorous. Alone, I’m a random tiefling wandering through the streets of a very big city. Does that make sense?”

Caleb nodded slowly, and took another sip. “I think…I think that does.”

“Plus, I just have one of those faces that’s easy to mistake, you know?”

He scoffed. “Is that so?”

“Absolutely, dear. Now, my turn to ask. Hmm…can you tell me about how you and Nott met? She made…quite the impression on me during movie night a few days ago.”

Caleb smiled, and here there was no trace of strain or anxiety. “Ja, that is Nott in a nutshell, isn’t it? And, well, we actually met in…not the most elegant of locations.”

“Please, do go on.”

Caleb carefully met Molly’s gaze. “Tell me, Mollymauk, how…acquainted are you with things that are not always the most…legally up to standard?”

Those red eyes glittered. “I work at a bar, dear. Downstairs we run a club so popular we had to install more soundproofing than you can imagine. The mother of one of my dearest friends,” he continued quietly, “is a high-profile courtesan. And let’s just say tipping isn’t the only way to get coin from the pockets of patrons that wouldn’t miss it. What was your question, again?”

Caleb nodded, satisfied. “We met in a prison in a smaller township to the north. Both of us for stealing.”

Molly gave him a wicked grin. “And how did you get out?”

Caleb leaned back into his chair and examined his fingernails. For just a second, for a moment so short that Molly barely caught it, a lighter-sized flame burst from Caleb’s thumb and went out.

It sent shivers down Molly’s spine. He wasn’t exactly sure what kind.

“Of course, nobody got hurt,” Caleb added. “I…would not have done well if somebody had.”

Molly laughed. “Glad to see there’s a bleeding heart under the mysterious magical criminal, then. Now, ask me a question.”

Caleb tapped his chin, and then brightened up. “Jester mentioned you had your own magic to me once, I think? Is that true?”

Molly hesitated, and Caleb almost apologized. But then the tiefling smiled faintly and nodded. “I do, yes,” he said. “It’s probably not the same as yours, though. Actually, I think I can almost guarantee that it isn’t.”

“Is it innate, then?” he asked. “Like some of Jester’s abilities?”

Molly shrugged. “Maybe?” he said. “I don’t know, I’ve been able to do it as long as I can remember,” he added lightly. “Now, what is your favorite book?”

Caleb blinked, the sudden shift in conversation catching him off-guard. “My favorite book?” he asked. “Er, why?”

“It’s my turn to ask a question, right? Sorry, did you want to stop, or—”

“Oh no, no,” Caleb said hastily. “No, it is alright. Er…favorite book, favorite book…there was a novel I read once before called Before the River’s Dawn, about the creation myth of Wildemount. It is quite good, if you ever feel in the mood for history. And then there is The Mountain Range of Gold, that one was also excellent, and is a three-part fictional series. Actually, the second book is widely regarded as the best in the trilogy but the author believes the last was her most praiseworthy work, even though I really believe the first volume…”

And as Caleb continued rambling, Molly couldn’t help but feel relieved that the other man so easily dropped the subject of magic. It had been a pleasure, really, to watch Caleb’s usually-stoic mask crumble under the weight of sugary coffee and now light up animatedly at the opportunity to discuss his favorite novels. And most importantly, Molly was relieved that no sensitive topics would need airing out on a first date like this.

•

Nott cracked open the kitchen window of the apartment and crawled through, as she always did. It wasn’t until she had made her way across the counter and hopped cheerfully onto the white-tiled floor did she see a large figure crawling on the ground in front of her.

She screamed, which was understandable, and Yasha looked up in panic.

“What the fu—oh my gods.” Nott sighed, and rubbed her eyes. “Why are you in our house?”

Yasha stood up, dusting her sweatpants off as she did. “Caleb invited me over,” she said. “I helped him get ready for his date, and he said I could play with Frumpkin while he was gone.”

Nott only needed a second to go from terror to complacency. “Okay,” she sighed again. “Sure. Just…just warn a girl next time, alright? I thought there was a wolf in the living room.”

Yasha nodded immediately. “Sorry,” she said. “I can see why that would be startling.”

“Yeah, you think? And anyway, why were you on the floor?”

Yasha pointed at the couch. “Frumpkin ran underneath,” she said. “I was trying to get him out.”

Nott considered this for a moment. Then she unhooked her pouch from her belt, rolled up her sleeves, and marched towards the living room. “Hang on,” she said. “I’ll get ‘im for you.”

•

“Is Beau coming this time?” Jester asked as she and Fjord exited the Sutan Learning Hall and walked onto the street. “She mentioned that she might this morning, did she say anything to you while you were at the gym?”

Fjord nodded. “She said she’d meet us at the address. You know, I never expected her to be the type to enjoy apartment-hunting so much. Especially when she isn’t even the one hunting.”

Jester grinned. “She likes shaking up landlords. I think it comes from being a rich guy’s daughter. It’s probably therapeutic, or something.”

“Well," he chuckled, "I’m not one to get in the way of someone working out their personal problems. Shall we head over now?”

Jester giggled and held out her elbow. “I think we shall, sir Fjord. I’m actually super-excited to see this one. It’s pet-friendly and everything.”

•

By now, the morning mob had melted away into a rather bustling lunch crowd, that soon faded into the last stragglers of the late-afternoon. Molly, among other things, had learned about Caleb’s asshole of an apartment super, about Frumpkin the definitely-a-real-cat, and more about the underground smutty novel trade than he ever could have expected. Caleb, in turn, had learned about a number of the tiefling’s more riveting romantic entanglements, about Yasha and his friendship, and about life as a serial performer.

And as the empty cups of makeshift Rüdesheimer Kaffee slowly grew stone-cold, Molly began to see glimmers of somebody else swimming under the surface of the scruffy wizard in front of him. Somebody who, though perhaps he himself didn’t remember, not only knew what it was like to be the center of attention, but also had thrived there. And Caleb, plastic laundry bag pressed against his back, eventually began to notice a kindness and desperation for nothing but friendship, real friendship, lurking within in the man across the table, whose entire life was seemingly an act.

And just as Molly was wrapping up the story of how Ornna and Gustav nearly launched the Moondrop into a civil war over a simple spat—never underestimate that woman, Mister Caleb, she can be very persuasive when she wants to be—Molly’s phone started buzzing from its place on the tabletop.

They both glanced down. The screen read:

2:30PM

YOU HAVE REHEARSAL AT 3. DO NOT FORGET OR YASHA WILL KILL YOU

Molly sighed and silenced the alarm.

“Sorry, dear,” he said with an apologetic expression. “I should probably head out now. It…it truly has been lovely though. We should definitely do this again.”

Caleb smiled back. “I agree. I had a nice time also. You are…fun, Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

Molly grinned. “Really? Well, that is quite a high compliment coming from you. Oh!” he added, and hit himself in the forehead dramatically. “Before I forget, are you doing anything this Saturday?”

“This Saturday?” Caleb echoed. “Oh, uh…I do not believe I am. Why?”

“Well, the Moondrop is having a big celebration for its 25th anniversary. I was wondering if, ah, perhaps you’d like to come?” he fished around in his pocket and produced a small white card, trimmed with gold. “Here’s an invitation,” he said, and passed it across the table to Caleb. “We’ll all be there, Beau and Fjord and Yasha and I, plus Jester is coming too. You’re welcome to bring Nott along also. If you’re…interested?”

Caleb blinked a few times, and studied the card in his hands. “Ah,” he said. “Is it…a party, then?”

Molly quickly shook his head. “Not at all, dear. It’s a show. From all the singers and dancers, including yours truly. Limited social interaction, and I’m sure Jester would love to cover for you if anyone actually tried to mingle. She was going to ask you to go originally but, well, I wanted to. I thought it might be a good step in our friendship if I did. It would…mean a lot to me, if you would come and see me perform?”

Caleb nodded slowly to himself. Then he glanced back up at Molly and gave him a tentative grin. “That sounds…like a very good step indeed. I will…think it over, if that is alright?”

“Excellent!” Molly said, and gave Caleb a clap on the shoulder. “Perfect. I’ll send Nott the details if you decide to come? It starts at seven in the evening, so there’s plenty of time to get ready and all.” Molly stood up. “Er…see you later, then?”

Caleb nodded again, this time much faster. His smile grew only the smallest bit, but it was enough to make Molly’s heart soar with relief.

“See you later, Mister Mollymauk.”

“Wonderful, Mister Caleb. Tell Nott I said hello.”

And with that, the tiefling gave Caleb one more pat on the arm, and headed out the door.

•

Today 2:42 PM

Molly Tealeaf: Jester your idea worked theyre probably in Jester Lavore: of course it did! and I assume the date was good too? Molly Tealeaf: it was wonderful dear Molly Tealeaf: now you just gotta help them get ready and navigate fancy people during the event Molly Tealeaf: does that sound alright? Jester Lavore: molly are you kidding Jester Lavore: i would want nothing more than to do that Jester Lavore: oh my gods im going to put nott in a dress Jester Lavore: thank you for this gift Molly Tealeaf: go easy on them please I only just met em Jester Lavore: ive known them months Jester Lavore: im unleashing hell Jester Lavore: okay bye gotta go fjord says this apartment might be perfect and beau is gonna start haggling now k bye Molly Tealeaf: have fun dear make sure she doesn’t kill anybody

•

Hard as he tried, Caleb’s heart refused to calm down as he rounded the hallway and made his way up the stairs to his apartment. He felt light-headed, and he wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. He felt anxious, as if he were expecting the clear skies overhead to suddenly turn grey, or as if he were about to get back scores from an exam he hadn’t aced after all.

And more than anything, he felt guilty.

He had enjoyed himself, at the Candleglow, with this strange man that had suddenly catapulted his way into Caleb’s life. This technicolor whirlwind that would go from high-energy to soft and thoughtful at a moment’s notice. This odd newcomer that made Caleb laugh, that bought him a drink that reminded him of home, that had managed to carefully coax him into opening up about his life where most could never get a word out. After all, Jester had been trying for months.

But Caleb shouldn’t have had fun. He wasn’t supposed to. He didn’t deserve that kind of happiness, and he had left it all behind.

Worst of all, up until now, the feelings now bubbling dangerously in his chest had unswervingly belonged to somebody else. And after it had become clear that they would never be needed ever again, Caleb had locked them up in a box and pushed them down, deep down, so far down that he thought they would never see sunlight again.

Until, apparently, now.

He sighed as he unlocked the front door. Then he yelped in surprise and backed up. Three pairs of eyes instantly trained on him from down on the living room floor.

Frumpkin—in Yasha’s hands, being scratched by Nott—meowed.

“Hey, Caleb!” Nott said cheerily. “Did the date go well?”

“Did Molly like your shave?” Yasha chimed in immediately. “Was it alright?”

He blinked a few times. Then he rubbed his face and sighed. “Have you been in my house since I left?” he asked.

Yasha glanced at Nott, who shrugged, and then back to Caleb.

“Yes?”

He nodded and took his coat off. “Don’t you have rehearsal, or something now?”

Yasha’s face suddenly looked stricken. “Shoot,” she said, and stood up. “I forgot.”

She handed a mildly disgruntled-looking cat to Nott, and quickly started to gather her things. She draped her large shawl around her shoulders, strapped the sword to her back, and gave Caleb a clap on the arm. “See you later. Thank you for letting me stay.”

“Er…no problem?”

And then she squeezed past, and bolted out the door.

“So anyways,” Nott said after Caleb had taken his shoes off and joined her on the floor. “Did the date go well?”

He nodded, and pulled Frumpkin into his lap. “I think it so,” he said, “though again, it was not a date. Mollymauk asked me to meet up once more, later this week.”

“Really?” Nott’s face lit up. “That’s great! Where?”

Caleb gave her a small smile. “At the Moondrop,” he said. “And you’re invited as well. How do you feel like being part of high society for a night?”

Nott raised an eyebrow. “Is that safe?” she asked.

Caleb considered the strange feeling of guilt weighing in his stomach. The dread he felt at having to interact with the upper crust. The terror of the past catching up to him.

And then he thought about the way Molly’s eyes had softened when he asked if Caleb would come see him perform. He thought about the distant glimmer of city lights at night as they stood up on the balcony together in the light snow. He thought about the way his mouth still tasted, ever-so-slightly, like vanilla and cream and chocolate shavings.

“It’s safe,” he said slowly. “And you know, I think the two of us need to just live once in a while. Ja?”

Nott’s eyes glittered. “Ja,” she echoed, and then grinned. “Yeah, absolutely.”

•

☕ ☕ 💚

#critical role #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #text #cr2 #widomauk #jay writes #caleb widogast #mollymauk tealeaf #fjord #jester #yasha #nott #beauregard #long post #longfic #something new for me and you

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