#and he realised that he was willing to die for merlin as well | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lostmyremembrall · 7 months

Text

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝑩𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒅

𝑇𝑜𝑚 𝑅𝑖𝑑𝑑𝑙𝑒, 𝐴𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑥𝑎𝑠 𝑀𝑎𝑙𝑓𝑜𝑦 𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: 𝐻𝑢𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑟. 𝑇𝑜𝑚 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎 𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑘.

Summary: Every villain has his regrets. So what is Tom Riddle's? Well, not getting to say 'fuck you' to his own father before he accidentally fell down the stairs to his death, of course. But, Abraxas says he needs closure, so you could say the trip to Little Hangleton wasn't a complete waste.

Recommended Music: I'm Sorry by Brenda Lee

youtube

This is the first time I’ve felt the need to confess.

It all started with Abraxas’ suggestion to visit my father.

I’ve asked him: why. His answer: closure.

He believed my mental health to be somewhat, “unstable” and “unhinged.” Apparently, childhood trauma does that to you.

So, closure was the answer.

I’ve pondered about it. Why not. Why not go up to the man in the mansion and stick it into his face? Why not tell the rich man in a big mansion, “fuck you,” “I hope you’ll die in a ditch,” and “You will not be invited to my inevitable coronation.”

If this will help me become a better leader, then gladly I would accept the opportunity to cuss in my father’s face.

Apparently, that was not what Abraxas meant by closure.

But, being the open-minded leader that I am, I said why not.

The plan was to visit Little Hangleton on New Year’s Eve anyway, to assess exactly what I will be inheriting. So, why not make the trip more interesting? Why not start off the marvellous year of 1944 with a clean slate?

Needless to say, the closure has gone slightly out of hand.

I stood on the second-floor foyer, overlooking the entrance hall. Perhaps unwisely, I thought I would give my father a surprise, apparating behind him.

Now, a man lay unmoving below me. His body mangled. His eyes, wide open in the shock that ultimately led to his untimely death. The blood, pooling beneath him.

So much for a clean slate.

Abraxas appeared on the first floor, returning from the kitchen, carrying a slice of cake that he had nicked from the New Year’s celebration. His feet, along with the long shadow cast on the marble tiles, came to a halt.

“Huh,” his brows furrowed, tilting his head, still sucking on his fork. “Is a human head supposed to look like that?”

He pointed his fork at the large dent on the inion of the head.

Tom Riddle Sr. lay still, face down on the floor. Even a corpse did not have the energy to answer such a dull question.

“Shit,” I gritted my teeth. “Fuck, Abraxas. Damn!”

Abraxas’ eyes widened, the realisation finally dawning on him. The slice of cake slowly slid down the plate and fell, the splatter marking its timestamp in the silence.

“Tom…!” Abraxas’ mouth gaped and closed like a helpless fish, “When I said closure, I did not mean this!” He waved the fork over the corpse, as if to say ‘Whatever this is.’

“It. Was. An accident!” I hissed in return at his unhelpful contribution, my fingernails digging into the mahogany handrail.

“Merlin’s beard,” Abraxas ran a hand through his hair, devolving rapidly into a panic. “We’re fine. We’re fine. We merely need to get rid of evidence.”

“Just clean up after ourselves. We weren’t here long. Nobody saw us,” Abraxas began pacing about the room. “Nobody can trace this back to us.”

“Ah, shit,” Abraxas paused as his feet stepped into the crumbled mush on the floor. “The cake! They can trace my DNA, oh god, oh god oh god.”

“The what?”

“It’s a new thing, Tom,” Abraxas wiped away the sweat with his shaky hand. “Heard all about it on that crime radio I listen to.”

I paused to close my eyes, willing myself to ignore Abraxas’ pathetic wailing, taking a deep breath. If my brilliance had served me thus far, it was going to serve me now.

“Calm down, Abraxas,” I opened my eyes again, and let out a shaky breath as I began to descend the stairs.

Abraxas turned his teary, desperate eyes to me, hoping that his leader had some incredible plan.

“Look at this,” stopping next to Abraxas, I languidly gestured to the crime scene. “It merely looks like he fell, does it not?”

For the first time in this dreadfully long night, a glimmer of hope and conviction appeared in Abraxas’ eyes.

“You’re right. He did fall,” he nodded fervently, as if attempting to convince himself. “An unfortunate accident.”

“That befell on an unbalanced man,” I reassuringly patted the back of Abraxas with a smirk, ending his sentence, “Now, let us calm down, and enjoy the serenity before we begin rifling through their possessions.”

I sauntered to the stairs, and sitting down on it, took out a flask for a swing. Still shaking, but now considerably less so, Abraxas followed.

Abraxas nodded his thanks as he took the flask that I offered, taking a swing as well. The alcohol seemed to do wonders, as it was always the case for Abraxas, as his breathing evened out and the confidence returned to his blue eyes.

“You know,” Abraxas began, returning the flask to me. “It is impeccable timing, if you think about it.”

I raised my brows at him, urging the blond to continue.

“It is your birthday. And the old man died, giving you everything in this room,” his gaze wandered around the room, to the antique armours guarding the front doors, the expensive Chinese vases, to the crystal chandelier above them. “Shit, you might be as rich as me, now.”

“Hm, true,” I pondered, my eyes also trailing the many valuables in the room. The word ‘closure’ came to my mind. Yes, I suppose, counting these as an apology gift and my birthday gift, I could find it in myself to forgive my father. Maybe.

My eyes landed on the man’s face, still slumped down on the floor a few feet from us. Tom Riddle Sr. was extremely handsome. Deadly handsome, even.

Too soon, perhaps.

I raised a flask towards the body that eerily resembled me. “Thank you, father, for the gifts!”

“And the cake!” Abraxas joined in with a smile.

I smiled against the flask as I took another swing, revelling in the immediate warmth that spread through my core. “You know,” I murmured, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically sentimental all of a sudden. “I’m glad you’re here, with me. On this memorable night.”

Abraxas turned to me with a genuine smile that came more easily to his lips than mine. “Always happy to help, Tom.”

Abraxas fell silent, however, when there was a groan from the corpse. My eyes widened, as my father groaned, and he raised his head, his eyes fluttering open. We froze as our eyes met. Nothing has terrified me more than that moment, when my father’s irises captured us, his son and a stranger, on his stairs, eating his cake, celebrating his death.

“Avada Kedavra!”

My wand had reacted sooner than I’d had the time to think.

The head dropped again with a heavy thud.

“TOM!”

Abraxas’ shriek pierced my right ear, and I winced.

“Why?! WHY did you do that?!” Abraxas was wailing again, “You have to stop casting a killing curse on your reflex!”

“Shit,” I grimaced. “I panicked.”

“Yes, I’ve gathered, Tom,” Abraxas ruffled his hair, leaping to his feet to begin pacing again, his hair now beyond recognition from the neat style he usually kept. “Merlin, now they’re really going to think it’s a crime scene.”

“He saw our faces,” I murmured darkly. A weak excuse, I knew, but Abraxas’ finger-pointing was unbearable.

“Fuck, Tom!” the blond was hyperventilating now. “I cannot go to Azkaban! They will eat me alive!”

I glared up at the rattled man, still pacing back and forth in front of me, his nerves getting to me. A terrible idea crossed my mind, for a moment, whether keeping Abraxas alive was a liability. He did not do well under pressure. He’d crumble under interrogation in mere seconds.

I growled, “Well, there’s nothing we can do at the moment, but to–”

Abraxas yelped when there was a low grumble from the corpse. He turned on his heels, the fork gripped tight in his hand. I widened my eyes at the savagery of the blond, watching him straddle my father and plunge the fork into him again and again. The muggle way.

He screamed at him. Then cursed. Then stabbed some more.

Watching Abraxas go absolutely feral on the poor corpse that resembled me, I had to consider the possibility that Abraxas perhaps harboured some pent-up vehemence towards me.

“Jesus,” I watched him stand up, the sweat-matted strands of hair falling into his eyes. “Could you not? That is my father.”

“Fuck,” he let out a shaky breath, the fork slipping from his hand and rattling on the floor. His pale skin, splattered with red. “I thought he was dead! How’s he still alive?!”

“It happens,” I sighed, scratching my brows at the situation that was rapidly growing out of hand. “Corpses release gas and liquid.”

“Oh god,” Abraxas fell to his knees, as if begging for forgiveness from my father. He began sobbing, the tears streaming down his cheeks. “Oh god, my life is ruined.”

To be frank, I found the situation somewhat amusing. How the tables have turned. I bit my tongue, wanting desperately to say ‘Who panicked this time?’ Instead, I stood up with a heavy sigh, and laid a supportive hand on his shoulder.

“Yes, it does look like ‘fuck you in particular’ now, doesn’t it?”

Despite my solace, Abraxas began to sob harder. Perhaps it was the way I said it.

“Come,” I helped him up to his feet. My father’s blood painted his blond hair and pale skin. His tears and spit have now mingled with it as they trailed down his chin. I sighed, producing a handkerchief from my pocket.

“You’ve always enjoyed crime radios,” I wiped his face clean, until reconsidering the futile attempt as more tears poured. “Now you get to be a part of it.”

Abraxas howled as more tears began to pour.

“There there,” I wrapped my arms around him in a comforting embrace.

“You won’t let me go to Azkaban, will you?” his frail voice came muffled against my wool uniform.

“Of course not,” I patted his shoulder. “I’ll always be here to fix your mistakes.”

-----

A few hours later, in the wee hours of the morning, we stood in front of a roaring fire. The sky was just beginning to brighten as Abraxas rubbed his hands over the fire, trying to warm his pale hands that had gone frigid.

“I’m glad we built this fire,” he said with a relieved smile. “Fire has a soothing effect, I think.”

I hummed in agreement, blankly staring at the flames that reached for the sky before me. There was a hint of nervousness in the voice that Abraxas was desperately trying to quell. I chose to ignore it.

“Say, do you know if they wanted cremation?” another nervous whimper from Abraxas.

I took one last drawl of the cigarette before tossing it into the fire. “Now, how the fuck would I know that, Abraxas.”

Abraxas merely hummed and nodded, numbly staring at the three bodies that had grown unrecognisable. The grandmother and the grandfather had to go as well. Loose ends and all that. They’ve lived a good long life anyway.

“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same,” Abraxas’ voice was dead and despondent as he accepted a cigarette from me. “That image of you, underneath me, as I plunged the fork into it… It’s changed something within me.”

I knitted my brows at his wording. “You mean… my father,” I raised a suspicious brow at my oldest friend as I corrected him. “You felt the urge to kill my father.”

“Hm, what?” Abraxas had borrowed the light from the roaring fire in front of him, his gaunt features light ablaze with orange contemplation. “Yes, of course.”

I fell into an anxious silence, the image of Abraxas straddling someone that resembled me, too similar for my comfort. The animalistic sheer will that burned in his eyes – no thinking, no reasoning, all his focus on simply doing – as he poked holes into my father. The image shall haunt me for the rest of my days.

I cleared my throat, and took a step away from the blond. Suffice it to say that the night had changed something inside me as well.

“Well, father,” I tightened my tie as a respectful gesture that seemed appropriate for the sobering moment. “Grandmother, grandfather.”

Abraxas tossed the cigarette, crushing it underneath his black leather shoes, taking his hat off.

“Wish I got to talk with you a bit more,” I cleared my throat again, not having had much experience with eulogy, despite deaths that seemed to follow me wherever I went. “Maybe discuss my inheritance. Alas, it is what it is.”

I looked down at the bouquet of flowers, gripped tightly in my hands. “Abraxas and I gathered a little something for you. Don’t know what kind you liked, but – there are some dandelions in here.”

I furrowed my brows, angling the plants in an attempt to name them. “Some… grass. Well, I hope you’ll like them.”

I tossed the bouquet on top of the fire, watching the flowers shrivel as the flames licked them hungrily.

“Closure,” Abraxas leaned over to me and whispered, giving me an encouraging wink.

I nodded and took a deep breath. My eyes surveyed the first hint of light behind the roaring hills at the approaching dawn. I bit my lips in deep contemplation, trying to put a label on what I was feeling.

“You were a shit father… father,” I continued, blinking away the tears that were beginning to pool in my eyes. “I wish I got to tell you that in person. I admit things could have gone better.”

“But,” I sniffed, looking up at the chalk-white sky to dry my eyes. “Rest assured, your assets will be put to good use. I’ll promise you that.”

My eyes landed on Abraxas, who had given me a thumbs-up. I nodded in appreciation of his support.

I sighed, growing restless at the idea that Abraxas and I still had to bleach the entire place. “Goodbye, father. And fuck you.”

I knew I did well by the congratulatory pat on my shoulder. I turned my eyes as the first ray of sunshine hit my cheekbones. The clouds. The birds chirping by. It was strangely serene, even idyllic, betraying the violent night that we just shared.

But, I found myself smiling as the strands of my hair in the breeze tickled my cheeks. I felt it. Abraxas was right. My mind was finally at peace.

Reflecting the serenity of our environment. Save for the burning corpses.

I knew it in my heart. That was to be the last time I killed a man.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, as I clasped the blond’s hand on my shoulder. A fresh new start, I felt it in my core.

A/N: Written for Quidditch writing competition a few months ago! I am sorry that I haven't been writing/uploading new stories recently. But the new ones are coming!

65 notes · View notes

that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction · 3 months

Note

What do you think are Merlin and Arthur’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

Heads up, I’m autistic and this has been my special interest for way too long and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it so this post is going to be a very long one.

My favourite thing about the writing of the show (which isn’t great, but separate issue) is how every character manages to make a complete 180 from the beginning to the end, turning their initial positive traits into negative traits while not sacrificing character development to do so. It’s a skill I haven’t figured out how to use very well in my own writing and envy greatly, but I can talk about it for hours.

For Merlin, his devotion to Arthur is easily his most interesting strength and weakness to me.

In season 1, it’s great because he finds out he has this grand purpose and suddenly all the things he’s struggled with, feeling like a monster, feeling cursed etc, suddenly make sense to him. It’s too much to put on a child (because he’s somewhere between 16-18 at first but that’s never confirmed) but if it helps him to see the beauty of magic and to see more than just “I felled a tree and almost killed a man” -based on the conversation with Will in season 1 episode 4- then that’s great.

So as the show progresses, he starts getting to know more about himself and what he can do, but because his two mentors reinforce that he’s solely tied to Arthur, every good thing he learns about magic is connected to a man who hates and doesn’t understand magic. Also someone who he has to hide from in order to protect himself and not end up on the pyre. At the same time, he also never has a chance to learn about his magic and where it came from like Morgana did with visiting the Druids and Kilgharrah was never exactly forthcoming with information.

I think that’s why Morgana and Merlin’s differences and similarities are so interesting to me, but that’s a different thing.

Anyway, by the end of season 4, Arthur is betrayed by Agravane and we see just how devoted Merlin is to Arthur in all the best ways. He assembles an army, restores Arthur’s hope and belief in himself, saves Arthur’s life while risking his own and then killing the uncle who betrayed him, (the brilliance of Agravaine dying with magic and Merlin simply stabbing Morgana was absolutely amazing, but again, I digress.) he also reunites Arthur with his love, and swears fealty to him despite being ‘just’ a servant.

At the same time, he uses magic to block Morgana’s powers to make sure they can win, and he does this by sneaking back into Camelot in the middle of the night and not sleeping for over 48 hours in order to do it. His devotion to Arthur goes so deep that he’s willing to destroy himself for it. That’s one of the less extreme examples, he does try to die for Arthur multiple times, but you get the point. Even if he isn’t dying, he’s living just for the purpose of serving Arthur and doing anything it takes to keep him safe. Even at the cost of Arthur himself, (not wanting him to choose between magic and his beliefs, which was literally Arthur’s job to choose as a king who’s responsible for all the people in his kingdom)

And he even says this in season 1 episode 13 when he says “his life is worth a hundred of mine” when he believes he’s going to die to save Arthur’s life after the questing beast and again at the end of season five, “I didn’t want to put you in that position”

I’m sleep deprived, please don’t make me recite whole episodes to remember quotes.

I just realised how long this is getting, so I’m going to try and wrap it up.

Anyway, by season 5, Merlin becomes so consumed by his fear of losing Arthur that he completely loses sight of what’s important, returning magic to Albion and ending the purge. I know they said the goal was peace at the end but in season 1, Kilgharrah sort of cryptically said he’d be returning magic. So he thinks Mordred needs to die, but he can’t get Arthur to see that because even if Arthur knew he was going to die by Mordred’s hand, I think he’d probably let it happen and just do the right thing as long as he did live.

Merlin knows this so he feels responsible for keeping Arthur alive by keeping secrets which is ultimately a final betrayal for Arthur in his last days while he’s coming to terms with it. He was more upset about the lies and the deception than the magic, which I’ll get onto in a minute, but Merlin’s solution of shielding Arthur instead of doing the right thing is ultimately what leads to his downfall. (Basically the Disir episode)

That’s a very condensed version, I’m more than happy to do a separate post with a full character analysis going through each major episode and what it says for anyone in the show if you want to see it.

Anyway.

Arthur’s greatest strength and weakness is his goodness and the trust he puts into the people around him so blindly.

In episode 2, he has a conversation with Merlin about Valiant cheating with magic to kill knights. Arthur believes him, albeit cautiously, and Merlin proves him right to do so in the end.

So he knows from the beginning that Merlin is trustworthy and loyal to a fault, but then he starts seeing all the other people in his life believing he’s doing better and opening up to him more. By episode 4, we see Gwen feel comfortable enough to call Arthur out for being ungrateful with Hunnith’s food in Ealdor, we see Morgana repeatedly encouraging Arthur to stand up for what he believes in, even if that belief is different from her own which he absolutely needs and will forever be her greatest act of love for Arthur in my opinion, Uther is slowly becoming less cold towards him too since Merlin came into his life and he started making these changes.

I’ve more to say on Uther, but separate thing.

He loves these people, even if he’d never admit it, so he sees the best in them. Love is blind and all that.

In season 2 episode 8, Merlin chooses Arthur over magic and even Arthur himself when it’s revealed that Uther used magic to conceive an heir. Merlin sets Arthur back in his progress to seeing that magic could be used for good and isn’t inherently evil, but at the same time sets himself up as choosing his side with magic while Arthur has his first betrayal from Uther.

(Arguably from Merlin as well, but one is a young man in a crisis situation, the other was a fully grown adult with all the information available to him and time to think it through before still deciding that a life for a life was worth it)

In that betrayal, that’s the first time that he really has anything negative to say against magic since in his mind, it deceived him and made him almost kill his father. Any hope he has of seeing magic for good is delayed, proven when he tells Merlin he was “confused” and I can’t remember the exact quote but that he’d also lost sight of what was important.

This is set further when Morgana reveals her magic at the same time as she’s revealing that she sides with Morgause, in Arthur’s eyes he just sees that his sister (who is apparently also his biological sister, another betrayal by Uther) has turned to magic and then turned evil. Merlin doesn’t do anything to dissuade this idea other than a few comments of his own guilt about there being people better suited to helping her.

He never questions Merlin on why he believes that because he trusts him so deeply and unconditionally.

If he had, Merlin wouldn’t have needed to confess to Magic. Will in Ealdor could’ve been his excuse for knowing that magic isn’t inherently evil. He could’ve explained that Morgana always had magic, that she was terrified, that he sent her to the Druids to help but Uther would’ve killed them so when Morgause offered her unconditional support and told her that she wasn’t a monster or anything in that vein, of course Morgana latched onto that because it was finally an answer and something hopeful. She did exactly the same thing Merlin did with Arthur, Kilgharrah, and Gaius, and I really can’t blame her for it. Her earlier actions can be justified but from season 4 onwards, there’s only so much I can say to defend her.

But if Arthur would’ve known that, he would’ve been a lot more open to the idea of accepting Morgana’s magic, maybe even learning about it if it meant getting his sister back.

But his blind trust is what gives him this huge disadvantage.

Agravane, a man who’s been completely absent from his life, is immediately given trust because he has a connection to Arthur’s mother. Arthur wants to have a family when his have all either died or betrayed him, so he lets Agravane be his chief advisor and despite several warnings from Gaius and Merlin, he’s still surprised when he’s betrayed by this man he’s never met.

Arthur has this such inherent goodness that the idea of betraying anyone is inconceivable to him. (There’s a joke in there somewhere about Arthur being quite literally inconceivable too)

I’m once again realising how long this post is, I didn’t think it’d get this long so I’m going to wrap it up. If anyone wants more in depth character analysis, please let me know. This is fun.

As for my favourite thing about Merlin and Arthur’s dynamic. Merthur. Basically just the ship stuff and their banter. Also the nuances in their relationship that are fun to read into and analyse but this is already too long so I’m just going to leave it there.

#this blog is turning into an autistic person rambling about their special interest sooner than I expected.#character analysis #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin emrys #merlin #merthur #i’m bad at tagging #king arthur #i don’t know how to tag this #rant #long post #ask me anything #anon ask

51 notes · View notes

thee-bat-boys · 6 months

Note

Could we get a merlin fic maybe? Flangst would be appreciated!

*if the gif is yours please let me know and I'll credit you/take it down*

warnings; shouting (ish??)

a/n; i hope you like it! Let me know what you think, I loved writing this for Merlin!!

Merlin x gn reader

❃❃❃❃❃

"You could have died!" Y/n wasn't usually one to raise their voice, especially not when Prince Arthur was within ear shot, but they couldn't help it. Merlin stood in front of them, a sheepish look on his face with a serious glint in his eyes.

"I'm sorry but it's my-"

"Your destiny, yes, I've heard it a thousand times!" Their voice grew quieter as they spoke, again mind on Arthur being within earshot. Y/n shook their head, taking a deep breath as they took another step towards Merlin.

"You mean so much to me Merlin, you know that, and I understand that it is your destiny to protect Arthur but please, think about someone else." They could feel the tears welling up in their eyes, willing them to go away. "Think about the life we have in front of us, the wedding and the home we are going to create when we're back in camelot. Think about me."

Merlin was silent, unsure of what to say to y/n as they stood in front of him nearly in tears. Being related to the King of Camelot had often meant y/n's feelings remained their own, no one able to pierce their heart, but now stood in front of merlin, y/n's heart was on their sleeve.

Instead of allowing Merlin to say anything, overcome with emotions, y/n bid Merlin goodnight and took themselves to bed. Merlin watched them leave, Gauis in his head telling him what the right thing to do would be. Away from home Merlin realised that y/n most likely would be overly emotional, especially at the prospect of not even returning to Camelot.

As the night grew on, snores sounded around y/n as they lay in bed. Sleep evaded them, no hint of tiredness in their eyes as they lay staring blankly at the dying fire. A rustle alerted them to someone moving closer, hand inching closer to the dagger they kept under the blanket.

"It's me." At Merlin's voice they relaxed slightly but not fully, not after the way y/n had spoken to Merlin earlier in the evening. "Can I sit?"

"Yeah, whatever." Y/n was glad Merlin still wanted to sit by them but didn't want to appear that way, acting indifferent. There was a silence as Merlin took a seat, sitting close enough that he was slightly touching y/n, able to feel their warmth from under the blanket.

"I'm sorry." Y/n swallowed as Merlin spoke, his voice low so no one else could hear. "I'm sorry that I didn't think of you, that I don't think of you when I go into danger. It's hard, knowing there's someone who cares about me as much as you do, that-" Merlin's voice broke slightly, y/n turning round so they were now facing him.

"That I have a life ahead of me that isn't just my destiny, that isn't just protecting Arthur." He looked down at y/n, love in his eyes as he did so. It knocked the breath out of y/n, realising how much Merlin loved them.

"I understand Merlin, I really do and I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, I just worry every time you leave to do anything. Not just that you'll die but someone will find out and I'll have to watch you die for the way you were born." Y/n signalled for Merlin to lay down, he did so and y/n moved closer so their head was nestled in Merlin's chest.

"I couldn't bear to lose you Merlin, not when we have a life together."

Merlin smiled, placing a kiss on the top of y/n's head. "Maybe that's my destiny, to love and be loved by you."

#merlin #bbc merlin #merlin x reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral y/n #yn x merlin #imagine #ask #merlin imagine #angst #fluff #flangst #tw shouting #my writing #i hope you enjoy #merlin reader

32 notes · View notes

pendragonsandbuckleys · 2 years

Text

Till the day I die

Summary: Placing the back of his palm to Merlin’s brow confirmed his suspicions and he almost hissed in sympathy at the heat sitting there. He was burning up. Without thinking, Arthur continued where Gaius had left off, grabbing the cloth and squeezing out the excess water before resting it on Merlin’s forehead. Maybe it wouldn’t do much but it made him feel better, knowing he was helping just a little.

Set in s01e13. While Arthur is recovering from the near-fatal bite of the Questing Beast, he discovers that Merlin has fallen ill too.

Word Count: 4,163

[Also on AO3]

Nothing survives the bite of a Questing Beast. Part snake, part leopard, a magnificent creature of the Old Religion that was regarded by all who know of it as a terrible omen. A harbinger that carried the power of life and death itself. Its sharp teeth and deadly venom that draws the life from you, slowly, painfully. Leaving only destruction and sorrow in its wake.

So no, nothing survives the bite of a Questing Beast. Not unless you have unnatural forces beyond this world on your side, keeping you tethered to life.

Arthur could still remember the feel of the beast’s claws cutting through skin, its teeth biting through flesh. The white hot pain that had coursed through his entire body, slowing his heart and squeezing the breath from him.

I thought we’d lost you, his father had admitted to him shortly after he had awoken from the poison’s clutches and though he had dismissed it with a joke, that small comment had shaken Arthur more than he cared to admit. His father rarely allowed any concern to shine through his rough exterior and so to voice his fear aloud told Arthur just how close he had been to death.

Not that he needed to be told, mind you. He could still feel it. He was alive and well and healing, but he could still feel that all-encompassing weakness not quite willing to relinquish its grip on him just yet. His chest hurt and his limbs ached and the simple act of pushing himself upright in order to lean against his headrest had taken more strength out of him than he had expected.

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes as he let his head fall back with a gentle thud.

“Everything alright, Sire?” Gwen asked with a delicate smile as she crossed the room to stand at the side of his bed, the warm bowl of soup that had been promised held tightly in her grasp. She had been in and out of his room several times over the past few hours, never staying long but always ensuring he had everything he needed. Arthur had always noticed the kind hearted nature of Morgana’s young servant but he had never much been on the receiving end of it before. It felt strangely comforting, her kind looks, her reassuring words, her soft touch. A small part of Arthur hoped he never recovered, anything to keep Gwen visiting him a little longer.

“Everything’s fine, Guinevere.” He croaked in reply and had to cough a few times to clear his throat, but he took the bowl gratefully, the heat protruding through it warming his hands nicely.

He watched silently as Gwen began folding the pile of fresh linens that had been left on the chair, taking a sip of the soup every now and then and enjoying how it soothed his sore throat. Her shoulders were hunched and she was more silent than usual, an unusual mix of tension and weariness rolling off her as she worked. He wondered briefly if his comments earlier had made her uncomfortable, if her reluctance to talk to him was to ensure the conversation was not brought up again.

Could you blame him though? He could hardly be held responsible for the words that his newly conscious brain came up with after realising that a beautiful woman had been tending to his fever.

“Is something wrong?” He broke the silence, lowing the bowl to his lap.

"Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” She threw a smile over her shoulder, noticeably not making eye contact before turning back to her work. “Though I must say, you are looking very well considering how ill you were earlier.”

He hummed distractedly in response, brows furrowed as she continued.

“I’m not sure even Gaius realised how quickly you would begin to heal after he gave you the cure, but the people of Camelot are certainly glad to hear about your recovery.”

“Well, I share their joy.” He replied honestly, digging his thumb into his sore shoulder with a bit more force than necessary as he tried to massage out the pain. He’d never been a sickly child and even a simple cold would be unallowed to fester for long, being treated instantly under Gaius’ care. But even he knew that whatever the Questing Beast’s poison had put his body through was a hundred times worse than the many illnesses he had never faced. It was more than just a sickness, it was a dark, all-consuming force, clawing at his insides until it took every last piece of him. And he would be forever grateful that it hadn’t claimed him entirely.

Gwen nodded to herself, the small smile forming once again at the corners of her lips interrupted by a gaping yawn. She quickly stifled it with her hand but the embarrassment shined in her eyes as she glanced over at him.

“I’m not boring you, am I?” Arthur asked, poking fun at her gently.

“I’m sorry, Sire.” Gwen apologised immediately and though Arthur wasn’t expecting to receive Merlin’s level of sarcasm, it was strange that his teasing wasn’t returned even in half-fold.

“How is it you look more tired than I feel? Has Morgana been working you to the bone?”

“No, of course not Sire. I’m just- I’ve been helping Gaius.” She gathered up the folded sheets and placed them gently in the nearby chest of draws, her attention being drawn towards the door as the draw clicked shut. “I should probably get back to him actually.”

“Can’t Merlin help him? You look as if you’re about to fall asleep where you stand.”

Gwen paused and Arthur watched as her eyes flittered around the room as if the answer to his question was written down somewhere and she just needed to find it. He noticed the moment she spotted the jug resting on the table and moved to pick it up, once again not looking at him as she spoke.

“Not exactly Sire, he um— He’s sick.”

“Sick?”

“He fell ill not too long ago.”

Arthur frowned at hearing this news, the bowl on his lap long forgotten as he rubbed at the ache that had returned to his chest. He hadn’t once questioned why Gwen had been so attentive to him today but it would explain why Merlin’s presence had been suspiciously absent.

“Is it bad?”

Gwen plastered on a reassuring smile that Arthur could see cleanly through. She filled the cup sitting on the small table by his bedside, a little water sloshing over the side as it poured out of the jug too quickly. “I’m sure Gaius would much prefer you to focus on your own healing right now.”

And before Arthur could ask any more, she bid him goodnight and left the room, her dress flowing behind her in her haste.

The hours crept by after that, night painting the sky a deep black interrupted only by the shining light of the moon. Arthur shivered under his blanket as he watched the flames dance in the fireplace, his body still racked with the occasional chill. On the whole though, he felt almost back to full health, which was strange. Someone that close to death should not be so well recovered after one simple antidote, right?

Not that he doubted Gaius. The man was a genius in the healing arts so if anyone could cure an incurable illness, it was going to be him.

Unless he’d run out supplies.

It was late and he’d had a busy day. It was completely understandable if he’d been unable to make any more antidotes for anything tonight. Say, for a mysterious illness that no one was telling him about.

Because seriously, how bad could Merlin’s illness be that Gaius hadn’t managed to cure it yet?

It had been on his mind ever since Gwen had left his room in a hurry, the secrecy, the evasiveness, the fact that his servant hadn’t come bumbling through his chamber doors at any point that evening to reveal it had just been a simple cold and that Arthur had been worried for nothing.

Well— not worried. No, concerned. About not having a servant to tidy his room and fetch his food. That was all, definitely nothing more.

I mean, really, what on earth could be going on that Merlin still hadn’t come to see him.

Maybe he’d worn out his poor muscles dragging Arthur out of the cave and away from the Questing Beast.

—Or maybe he’d been bitten too. And Arthur’s worries - concerns - about Gaius’ lack of antidote supplies were worse than he first imagined.

He should go and find out, he considered, already slipping on his boots.

Only to see if he would need to find a new servant to fetch his morning breakfast. That was all, nothing more.

He was undoubtably a sorry sight as he traipsed through the halls in his night clothes, blanket wrapped haphazardly around his shoulders, but that was one of the perks of being the Prince. He could be wearing one of Morgana’s stupidly frilly dresses if he so wished and nobody would say a word. Besides, he’d almost died, he was allowed one night off from being pristine and put together.

It was quiet in the physician’s chambers as he pushed the door open and peered inside. Gaius’ bed was empty and there was a single candle flickering faintly on the desk, but it was the stronger glow coming from around the doorframe of Merlin’s room that told Arthur where his servant might be hiding.

Merlin’s door creaked as he nudged it open making Gaius look up from his work. It was clear from the physician’s face that he was incredibly surprised to see the Prince at the door, blanket and all, but Arthur’s focus was drawn to the figure in the bed.

Merlin was lying on his back, head tilted towards the candle on the table that was lighting his pale face with an eerie glow. Arthur could see how his breaths were coming in small, sharp gasps, as if each inhale was a struggle and though his eyes were closed, it was clear from his pinched brow that he wasn’t resting comfortably.

But worst of all were the marks covering his face, his neck, his hands. Any part of his skin that wasn’t hidden. It looked like his veins were trying to protrude from his skin underneath almost blister-like bumps sitting in clusters around his features and across his knuckles. It was like nothing he had ever seen before.

“Sire, what are you doing out of bed?” Gaius whispered - though Arthur doubted anything would waken the sleeping boy. He placed the cloth he’d been using to cool Merlin’s forehead on the table and stood to move towards the door. “You should be resting.”

Gaius tried to not so subtly guide him back the way he came but Arthur stood his ground, gripping the doorframe as his other hand caught the blanket before it slipped off his shoulders.

“I’m feeling much better. Honestly.”

Gaius watched him carefully with weary eyes and Arthur could almost see how much he wanted to sit him down and confirm that was true for himself. Over the many years he’d known him, Gauis had never been able to switch off the physician part of him, always diligently checking on his patients, sometimes days after their health had improved - and apparently that applied to the aftermath of miracle cures as well.

“What happened?” Arthur asked before Gaius could think of a convincing reason to send him back to his room. The silence before he received an answer was somewhat concerning.

“He fell ill earlier.”

The words did nothing to calm the uneasy feeling that was creeping into his chest. It was the same evasive answer that Gwen had provided him with before. Why was no one answering him?

“What’s wrong with him?” He tried to sound commanding but the way he kept his voice quiet made the tone fall flat. Though whether Gaius recognised it as an order or was just too tired to avoid the question was unclear, but still he sighed, glancing back at Merlin.

“I don’t know exactly. Whatever this sickness is, he caught it when he left the castle this morning.” Gaius paused, eyes downcast. “He was looking for the antidote. For you.”

If Arthur hadn’t have been hit suddenly with such an overwhelming sense of guilt he would have noticed that Gaius wasn’t telling him the whole story. But right now he could only focus on one thing - Merlin was sick, very sick, all because he’d gone to find whatever was needed to save Arthur’s life.

Arthur was alive because of Merlin. And Merlin was ill because of Arthur.

“But you can cure him, right?”

“I’m doing everything I can for him.” Gaius answered solemnly and either he didn’t want to bore Arthur with the specifics or that was code for I’m keeping him comfortable.

A rush of cold flooded Arthur’s veins and he felt his heart beat harder against his ribs as the sudden thought of leaving this room right now scared him - not that he’d ever tell anyone if he was asked.

It wasn’t like he and Merlin were friends. He could never be friends with a servant. But there was no denying their bond had changed slightly since they first met. The talking back, the constant teasing at each others expense, Arthur honestly couldn’t imagine having that level of familiarity with any other servant.

Was there a rung on the ladder between servant and friend? Acquaintance? Associate? Whatever it was, somewhere in the many months they’d spent side by side, Merlin had gone up a step and the sudden thought of losing him was making his head hurt.

“It’s late, Gaius, why don’t you get some sleep. I can stay with him.”

“No Arthur, you need to be resting in your own room, you were gravely ill—”

“And now I’m not. I’ve been resting all day, if I went back now I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway so I might as well make myself useful.” Arthur placed a reassuring hand to Gaius’ shoulder, choosing his words carefully to play right into his caring nature. “Merlin’s going to need you at some point and you’ll be no good to him if you’re too tired to think straight.”

Gaius glanced back at his ward once more as he mulled over Arthur’s words. He could almost see how much it pained Gaius to leave him in the care of another - not because it was Arthur’s care, but because it wasn’t his own. Arthur had made a good point though and it only took a moment for him to concede.

“You’ll wake me as soon as you feel tired enough to return to your room?”

“Of course.” Arthur nodded, moving out of the way to allow the man through.

It felt strange being in Merlin’s bedroom. Sure, he’d been there before on the odd occasion that his servant had slept in and he’d revelled in the joy of physically dragging him out of bed. But never like this.

He took Gaius’ vacated seat, glancing at the various tinctures sitting next to the candle and bowl of water. He didn’t know what any of them were for but they clearly hadn’t been working, most of the vials still half full where they’d been abandoned.

A groan from the bed pulled Arthur’s attention and he watched as Merlin tossed in his sleep, muttering and moaning under his breath as his eyes rolled beneath their lids.

It was only once he’d settled did Arthur realise that the boy was shivering. His fingers almost twitching where they rested on his stomach. The brown blanket covering him looked threadbare and thin and Arthur considered taking his own off to provide Merlin with some extra warmth, but it was only as he went to move Merlin hands under the cover did he realise just why Gaius hadn’t made his patient more comfortable.

Placing the back of his palm to Merlin’s brow confirmed his suspicions and he almost hissed in sympathy at the heat sitting there. He was burning up. Without thinking, Arthur continued where Gaius had left off, grabbing the cloth and squeezing out the excess water before resting it on Merlin’s forehead. Maybe it wouldn’t do much but it made him feel better, knowing he was helping just a little.

If Merlin had been ever been sick since coming to Camelot, well, Arthur had never been privy to it. Aside from the unfortunate poisoning debacle that Arthur very much did not like to dwell on, he’d never seen his servant ill before. It was unnerving. The silence. The stillness. It was so un-Merlin.

As much as he complained about his servant’s clumsiness and lack of manners, he’d secretly come to find those qualities quite amusing. No other servant would ever dare to talk back to the Prince the way he did. And yes, at first his attitude was wholly unwelcomed but very quickly it felt almost natural, having someone to challenge him instead of agreeing with his every word.

Another groan passed Merlin’s lips and soon his eyes were blinking open, slowly, tiredly, and it took a moment for his them to meet Arthur’s.

“Hi.” Arthur smiled, returning the cloth to the bowl to give Merlin his full attention.

Merlin’s gaze wandered lazily around the room, his brow furrowing as if he was just realising for the first time where he was. Arthur’s breath caught in his throat and he wondered if this display of confusion warranted waking Gaius, but then again this was probably just the workings of a fever-addled mind.

Merlin’s tongue poked out to wet his lips before a harsh cough erupted out of him instead of whatever words he was about to say, his whole body jolting as he tried to sit up. There was a cup of water ready and waiting on the table and Merlin gulped the liquid down greedily as it was tipped into his mouth, Arthur’s other hand supporting the back of his head as he did so.

“You’re okay?” He croaked around another cough.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Arthur lowered his head back onto the pillow once it was clear he was finished with the water. He pulled the sheet back over Merlin from where it had half slipped off the bed. “Thanks to you, I hear. Though only you could manage to fall ill collecting herbs.”

“…happy to do it, glad to pay the price.”

Arthur had to lean in closer to hear what Merlin was saying, his voice so quiet the words were barely leaving his mouth.

“The rabbit’s foot, -for protection.”

His eyes were glassy, staying closed longer and longer with each tired blink.

“Ic þe þurhhæle…”

Arthur frowned at the jumbled words, unable to tell what was Merlin and what was the fever talking. He hushed him softly, running his hand through his own hair as he waited for Merlin’s mumbling to taper off.

“You know, I don’t recall giving you the day off.” He chastised gently, smiling as Merlin looked over at him, eyes a little more focused than before. “My chambers are a mess and Gwen had to bring me my food. I couldn’t even find anything more than a blanket to walk the halls with.”

He gestured to the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders and the corner of Merlin’s lips tilted upwards slightly. “If this is your way of getting out of your duties…”

Merlin shook his head feebly against the pillow. “I’m happy to be your servant. Till the day I die.”

Arthur’s throat felt thick as he swallowed down Merlin’s confession. He dabbed the cloth over Merlin’s forehead once again, wiping away the fresh beads of perspiration that had formed during the short conversation. “Well, it’s not going to come to that.”

Merlin sighed at the sensation, closing his eyes as a few drops of water rolled down his cheeks.

It didn’t take him long for sleep to claim him once more.

And it didn’t take long for Arthur to follow.

The morning rays filtering through the window woke Arthur from the light slumber he’d fallen into. His back instantly protested as he tried to sit up straight, the awkward sleeping position leaving his muscles achy and his neck sore. The forest floor during a mission was undoubtably more agreeable than this chair, but he hadn’t quite been able to bring himself to return to his room last night. He just hoped Gaius didn’t get too angry at him for his disobedience, he was far too tired to listen to it right now.

He yawned widely, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. It hadn’t been the most restful night, every groan from the bed had jolted him awake and every new attempt at getting comfortable had been more disagreeable than the last, but luckily for him, he was supposedly still recovering. All Princely duties were on hold until he was completely healed, so as soon as he was done here, he could simply return to his room and sleep the rest of the day away.

Gaius had always told him growing up that sleep was just as important as the many medicines and potions he would brew. Arthur used to think the physician was using it as a punishment, making him stay in bed even when he was no longer tired, but the older he got, the more he appreciated the wise words. Sleep did always make things better.

Though glancing down at the bed, that didn’t seem to be the case this time.

Merlin’s eyes were closed, his lips parted slightly, and his face looked much paler than the night before, his skin almost translucent. A jolt of panic burst through Arthur’s chest as he feared the worst, until he noticed the slight rise and fall of Merlin’s chest. Too slight, too slow.

He pushed Merlin’s hair back to check his temperature again and was dismayed to find his forehead still much too hot. It’s seem the night’s rest had not done him any favours, leaving his condition much more grave than before and Arthur could feel the concern rising up again.

He’d seen it happen before, illness and injury leaving men in such weakened states that their bodies could no longer cling to life. They simply drifted away between one breath and the next without ever waking. And Merlin looked far too close to that for his liking.

“Merlin?” He whispered, shaking the boy’s shoulder with enough force to wake him without doing any harm and Arthur’s heart sank when there was no response. No fluttering eyes, no pitiful groan, nothing.

Seeing no other option, he swiftly left the room to fetch Gaius. If Merlin was deteriorating he needed an expert at his side, not someone completely uneducated in the healing arts. Arthur barely paid attention to his own council meetings sometimes if they bordered too close to boring, so anything Gaius had taught him over the years had long since left his brain.

But being welcomed by an empty bed and no physician in sight had Arthur freezing in his tracks. Where on earth was he? Did he not realise how ill Merlin was?

More importantly, why the hell had he left Arthur alone with him? Did he not realise how incapable he was of looking after Merlin by himself?

Before he could blindly panic at what on earth to do next, his eye caught sight of a note resting against the pile of books on the table. He hefted up the blanket still wrapped around him to avoid tripping down the stairs and crossed the room. A neatly scrawled Arthur could be seen on the front so he unraveled the paper to skim the words hastily written inside.

It was a short note, clear and straight to the point. The point being that Gaius had a plan to fix everything. He didn’t specify what exactly this new, surprise cure was that he was searching for, but just the knowledge that he would return soon with something to save Merlin’s life was enough to tell Arthur’s lungs to breathe properly again.

He still felt uneasy at the sole responsibility that had suddenly been placed upon his shoulders. Merlin was suffering— dying, and if he was honest with himself, he’d only felt comfortable helping last night with the knowledge that Gaius was right outside should Merlin need him. And now Arthur was alone, with no idea what to do.

But Merlin needed him. And he would do whatever was required until Gaius was back.

So without dwelling on it any further, he returned to the room, took his place in the chair and resumed the role he’d filled since the night before, hoping beyond anything that Merlin could hold on just a little longer.

#bbc merlin #merlin fic #my fic

8 notes · View notes

rogue-durin-16 · 3 years

Text

HIS WARM EYES

Summary: Some members of the Order are reticent about letting in a Lestrange, specially after Snape's betrayal. Whilst taking Harry to the the burrow, an ambush has place. Everything points to Y/n, right?

Pairing: George Weasley x Slytherin!Lestrange!Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

George Weasley: @meph1stophelian

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @skarlettmikaelson

Warnings: blood, injuries, death

A/N: OH MY GOD THIS IS SO LONG AND BAD— I AM GENUINELY SORRY BUT I HAD TO

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

Lestrange wasn't a good name.

It wasn't a good name in the streets, nor in close-doors, let alone amongst The Order.

That's why I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that they had accepted me— well, maybe 'accepted' was a strong word; they had let me in, reticent, weary, but still they had done it. Plus, after Snape's betrayal and Dumbledore's death, no one would think there was a vacant for a Slytherin and a Lestrange.

It wasn't until I found myself exiting the abandoned Grimauld's Place along with the rest of the volunteers to go to Privet Drive, that it dawned on me; they were short on people.

They were so short on people that the Order would have to swallow my name, my family and my House.

That didn't mean they would quiet down their opinions about me being there.

"I'm gonna say it." Fred announced, taking a spot in the living room's corner while Shacklebolt, Arthur and Lupin searched the place.

"Again?" Fleur groaned.

Fred had already spoken his mind about my presence before we reached Potter's house.

His and George's shocked looks had been on me since the very first moment I had walked into the old Black's home, which was understandable; last time they saw me I was joking about joining the death eaters.

Although the shock on their faces had been accompanied by very different emotions on each.

Fred's held reticence. During our school years, he had never liked me; I would dare to say he was scared of me, even.

George's gaze, on the other hand, held hope —maybe even excitement— which was comforting.

In our first year, I had managed to draw George's interest, and for three years he was adamant about Slytherins not being 'all that bad'.

George's friendship was the thread I was hanging on; he was the only thing stopping from taking the easy way and live up to my name.

The thread was cut after he asked his mother to bring me over during Christmas, which ended up in her forbidding him to talk to me. He, being George Weasley, ignored his mom's pleads and twin's scolding and still tried his best to stay close to me, so I did what was right and, at the end of our fifth year, I cut ties with him.

It hurt more than I would dare to admit.

After our drifting apart, I was forced to completely rely on Slytherins. And you see, Slytherins, as 11 year-old George would say, aren't all that bad, but the ones my name attracted were.

They were bad sort —the worst—, and keeping that company around after our sixth year wasn't the best record to have, but Merlin's sake, I was there, I had volunteered— people change.

"Son." His father warned Fred, well aware this wasn't the time, though he obviously wanted to side with him. "Don't start again."

"Someone has yet to tell me why is she here?"

"She has a name." I hissed, unable to stop myself.

"Which is why you shouldn't be here, Lestrange." The name rolled out of his tongue like poison. "She's not one to trust."

"Oi, she's willing to risk her life, isn't she?" George's words seemed to be meant to calm his twin's temper, though his warm eyes did land on mines with a reassuring look.

"Yeah but for whom?" I tried to stay quiet as Moody had asked me too, but Fred was making it quite difficult. "If something goes wrong—"

"Weasley!" Mad-eye's tone was dry as he bursted into the room. "Are you questioning my judgment?" Fred scoffed, but stayed quiet.

"If we're throwing in the surnames, you're gonna wanna know her mum's my auntie." Tonks spoke, folding her arms.

"But you're a Hufflepuff." He was quick to respond, giving me a disgusted look. "She's a Serpent."

"And you're still a mouthful, aren't you?!" I snapped, stepping forward, though Tonks gave me a lazy tug before I could get to Fred.

"Wanna fight, Lestrange?" He had taken a couple of steps in my direction already when George yanked his twins arm.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He yelled, giving his brother a push. "She's here for Harry! She's helping! What else do you want?!"

"Oh my gosh, Georgie— get over your teen crush already, she's not on our team!" George's knuckles went visibly white, unlike his cheeks, which turned red.

"Are you done making a scene? The three of you." Bill questioned in a calm tone, resting against the window's bench. "I don't fancy the idea either, but we need help, Fred, so shut your mouth because we have things to do."

"Pity, I was enjoying the teen drama." Moody teased before grabbing his flask and the ones who would take the Polyjuice potion moved to stand in line.

"Y/n." George's hand brushed my hand, drawing my attention to him as we stood besides one another. "I'm glad you're here." He whispered with a side smile.

"Missed me much?" I couldn't help but grin back, bumping his arm with mine. I stole a proper look at him and thought I might as well ask before the mission. "So... Teen crush huh?" I wiggled my eyebrows at him, though I could feel my own face flushing.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't fancy George —could someone blame me?—, and the idea of those feelings not being unrequited was very appealing.

He only threw his head back and looked away, the half smile growing wider and more bashful. "We'll talk about it at the Burrow." He assured me, taking the flask with his right hand and squeezing mine with his left.

"If we don't die before that." I was joking, but fear was shaking me to the core.

"We won't." He looked at the potion disgusted and gave me a peeked at me saying, "You have to hear me embarrass myself first." And with a wink, he drank the potion and passed it to me.

Gosh, I couldn't get over the mission to hear him 'embarrass' himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

The first five minutes were calm, despite all of us being on edge. We kept checking on each other, dreading if we lost sight of someone, that someone would banish.

The storm came when we had to dive into the dark clouds.

Funnily enough, I did think it was a literal storm before entering; oh, what I would have given for it to be a literal storm.

Black, cloaked intruders flew among us, making us divide in the pairs we had been assigned to.

Lupin started casting protegos and hexes to everyone that got too close while I tried to take down as many enemies as possible.

A couple of yelled warnings were heard when both Moody and the real Harry had entered the ambush.

"WATCH OUT!" Tonks screamed, flying past me with Ron at her tail. "REMUS!" She made a signal to her husband "ESCORT!" I got the hint; we were supposed to clear Moody's and Y/n's way so it would confuse our attackers while Tonks and Shacklebolt made sure to get Harry out of there.

"ON MY LEFT!" Lupin shouted over the chaos, changing to my right for me to be by Y/n's side.

"WE'RE FUCKED!" She yelled dropping her flight to dodge an Avada Kedavra.

"WE'LL MANAGE!" I automatically dropped my flight with hers too, which was a bad decision, since we had gotten rid of the protection provided by Lupin, Mad-eye and Bill and Fleur.

Soon enough three death eaters came flying towards us.

"STUPEFY!" another Harry with the voice of Fred passed by us, closely followed by my dad.

"GO BACK UP!" Y/n was quicker than me following my father's instructions; when I did though, I realised the little formation we had going on was gone.

Suddenly, all we could hear were screams; it felt as if someone was missing but I blamed it on everyone flying around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Tonks almost crashed against me on her way down; Ron was nowhere near me, nor Lupin.

We were outnumbered, and instead of moving forward, we were stuck in the grey clouds, trying not to die.

It took me a hot second, a crash against a death eater and a couple of hexes to get to Lupin, and even when I did, it was a hard task to keep track of him.

I had just taken out someone in my way when I caught a glimpse of something my eyes refused to believe.

Snape.

Our bloody professor was trying to kill us.

I felt the need to laugh at the situation.

"GEORGE!" It was Y/n's voice snapping me out of it, although her actions shocked me even more.

Y/n casted a spell on me, pushing my broomstick to the left and consequently making me crash against Lupin and lose balance.

Then something happened, something my mind didn't quite process.

At first it felt like a slap, but the pain stung my side as if someone had sliced me with a blade.

I didn't hear my own cry, nor Lupin's desperate 'help'; I didn't feel his hands struggling to take a firm hold of me, nor my own shakily reaching to my side, searching for an injury I didn't want to find.

A second after that, everything was black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRED'S P. O. V.

As soon as my father and I apparated in the fields of our home, I ran into the house. For some unexplainable reason, it felt as if something wasn't right.

A couple of steps into the house were enough for that 'something' to strike me. George had been laid on the settee, barely conscious; blood was covering the side of his face, neck and left shoulder, making his hair and clothes stick to his skin.

I was left speechless at the sight, my eyes welling up while I dragged my feet towards my twin.

"Mad-Eye is dead." Bill's words, despite sounding far away, made the gears in my head turn.

Lupin was quicker than me, though, "I told you we couldn't trust a Lestrange!"

"Remus! we don't know—" Tonks tried to calm him down, just to be cut off by Bill.

"Mad-Eye and Lestrange traveled between us and" he gestured at our wounded brother, "Remus and George." His jaw twitching let me know that he was desperately trying to stay calm. "Mad-Eye is dead and my brother just lost an ear, who is it if not bloody Lestrange, Dora?"

"Bill..." Fleur held onto her fiance's arm in an attempt to ground him.

"Did you see her disapparating?" Tonks's point was logical and hopeful.

George would have sided with her.

My eyes fixed on my wounded twin again. He was as pale as a corpse now, and the absence of his ear was way more noticeable now that my mother had begun to remove the blood.

George would have sided with Tonks because he wanted to trust Y/n, and he couldn't even speak because of that same reason.

Since everyone was arguing, they missed the flash of someone apparating near the front door.

I didn't.

Before I knew it, I was running outside with my wand in hand, Lupin and Bill following me instantly when they realised what I had just seen.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" Y/n's wand flew to my hand even before I could properly see her.

My rushed march came to a halt when I was a couple of feet away from her, making Bill bump into me; she was as pale as George, maybe more.

She took a seemingly calm, deep breath before attempting to walk.

Luckily, I saw the pools of blood on her shirt and stepped to reach her before she could touch the ground.

"Oh my..." Lupin covered his mouth with both his hands and Bill stood frozen at the sight of the girl in my arms. "MOLLY!!" my old professor yelled at the top of his lungs, going as livid as me.

We shouldn't talk on impulse, I told myself, rushing into the kitchen with Y/n in my arms. A series of gasps and regretful whispers broke the silence while I laid her on the dining table.

"Y/n?" George's trembling voice was heartbreaking, and, as my dad forced him to stay on the couch, I prayed the girl in my arms would survive.

"Oh Lord..." My mother muttered, examining her. It wasn't only her shirt stained with blood; her left leg and arm were too. "Oh dear..."

"She took the blow." Lupin ran his hands through his hair, understandably stressed. After a couple of seconds, her turned to my dad and commanded, "Get him up. Quick— go get him up." His eyes stared right into my soul and I dreaded the worst, but still obeyed and helped my dad drag George to the dining table.

I heard Lupin telling Bill something about Sectumsempra, and my heart sunk.

She took the blow.

"No..." George's murmur was close to a cry, but it was enough for Y/n's eyes to snap open.

"George." tears were effortlessly streaming down her cheeks at the sight of him. "You're... A-alive..."

"Please stay" My brother fell on his knees, reaching for Y/n's bloody hand with his own. We all looked away to give them some kind of intimacy, except from my mother, who was still trying to fix the poor girl.

I heard them both whispering sweet nothings with shattered voices until only one of them died out. I looked over to Tonks, whose eyes were gleaming with tears, and then to Lupin.

I couldn't bring myself to look at George.

After a moment of intense sobbing, my dad managed to pull my twin away from the corpse, and we carried him back to the settee.

I stayed with him the night, holding his hand and assuring him it was not his fault, but I knew my words would have little effect on his state; after all, he had been in love with Y/n for years.

All those years he had spent trying to convince all of us that Y/n was a good person, that we should give her a chance; all those years begging our mother to bring her over because she wanted to see our home.

Now her body was lying on our kitchen and I knew none of us would forgive ourselves for misjudging her.

READER'S P. O. V.

"Nervous?" A tall, redheaded kid appeared besides me; I supposed he didn't know my name by the warmth and curiosity with which his eyes stared at me.

"Aren't we all?" I replied with an anxious laugh.

He seemed to think for a moment before nodding. "Fair point, though I'll probably go into Gryffindor." He assured me with a proud smile, causing my head to cast down. "What is it?"

"Oh nothing," I shrugged, aware I would not be able to befriend that sweet boy with warm eyes. "I think I'll be sorted into Slytherin."

"Nonsense!" His intentions had been obviously to reassure me, but when he realised his response only made it worse, he added. "It'd be wicked to have a Slytherin friend, though." My eyes widened at his words; did he just— "I'm George, by the way."

"I'm Y/n."

"That's a very pretty name." Professor Mcgonagall led us into the Great Hall, and before I knew what was happening, George's hand was holding mine. "It'll be fine."

The lighting of the Castle changed once the Great Hall's doors opened; a bright, white light seemed to be coming out of it.

"Wait!" My hand gripped George's before he could leave my side. "Can you hold my hand? I-I'm scared." My voice no longer sounded like a 11 year old.

For some reason I didn't comprehend, my eyes were watery, making the view in front of me blurry.

"Don't be scared, darling." When I turned to George, I didn't see a kid; it was him, in the expensive suit I had seen him mere hours ago. "I'm here."

I just nodded and, swallowing my fear, took a step ahead, and then another one, and another, until I reached the Great Hall.

#harry potter fanfiction #george wealsey x reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley #george weasley x reader #george weasley fanfiction #george weasley fanfic #george weasley angst #george x y/n #george x reader #george x reader angst #george weasley one shot #the seven potters #deathly hallows #deadly hallows part 1 #hp fic #hp dh

314 notes · View notes

theonceandfutureking6481 · 3 years

Text

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 4: The Poisoned Chalice Analysis

This is one of my favourite episodes, in this season, mainly for Merlin and Arthur. They are wonderful in this episode, and this is the first episode where you really see them starting to truly care about each other. This is a show fundamentally about love and the relationships between every character, and Merlin and Arthur are at the core of the show. Everyone in this episode though is so brave, and I admire them all so much. I talk a lot about a lot of different elements of Merlin on here but what I really love about this show is how much the characters inspire me, how much I admire them because I'm not sure I could ever be as brave as these characters, but I'd like to be.

Merlin's courage

There's not much in detail I can say about this but Merlin is so brave at the start of this episode. To burst into the king's hall and publicly accuse another king of attempting to poison Arthur. It's funny but one of the parts of Merlin's courage I most admire isn't his bravery to die for Arthur, it's his willingness to speak out when somethings wrong, his willingness to publicly embarrass himself, his willingness to be brave even when he could be wrong. It's a reachable form of courage, I don't think any of us frequently (or ever) have the opportunity to die for others, but in many ways the fact that we could all be as brave as Merlin in this way, that's what makes it feel so much more unattainable and thus more admirable.

The bigger courage though really is when Merlin drinks from the goblet, honestly even though Uther made him, Arthur probably would have drunk it but Merlin didn't let him. Merlin knew he would die if he drunk from that goblet, because he believed Nimueh to be telling the truth (which she was), but (as Arthur says) "he did it anyway." To meet death so willingly, it's not like jumping in front of someone in the moment in a battle, he had to make the choice to drink that poison because he is willing to sacrifice his life for Arthur's. And it hasn't got anything to do with destiny yet, he cares about Arthur, Arthur's his friend and Merlin's a good person. It's just a very noble moment for Merlin, Uther was making him but at the same time you could see Merlin choosing to drink from it, that's a choice and that was incredibly noble.

Arthur and Uther

There is tension between Arthur and Uther in this episode, between their views on the world and honour. It is, I think essentially summed up in.

Arthur: Because his life's worthless?

Uther: No, because its worth less than yours.

It's funny, you can see Uther's perspective here. He is right about one thing, Arthur is the future king, even if he's not inherently worth more than Merlin the stability of the kingdom rests on a secure succession and Arthur is Uther's only heir, there is more at stake here.

But Arthur's also right, a world in which any single person's life is protected more than others because of their social position is not a good place. It is not something Arthur believes in, but in Uther's world its just a given, it's not even a question that people ask.

Uther: This boy wont be the last to die on your behalf

Arthur: I can't accept that

Arthur never accepts this inevitability, he always seeks to risk his life first before any one else's and people follow him because of that, people (even his enemies) see the nobility in him because of that. His refusal to accept what to Uther appears to be an inevitability of kingship (Not a welcome one granted but one nonetheless) is what's going to make him a better king than Uther. As Morgana emphasises when she's persuading Arthur to go.

Morgana: And what sort of king would Camelot want? One that would risk his life to save that of a lowly servant, or one that does what his father tells him to?

Isn't this really just the point, Arthur will be a better king than his father because for him his right to rule is in some way always premised on his fulfilment of what he sees as right. Arthur is always trying to prove himself, especially in the early seasons. In Season 2 Episode 2: The Once and Future Queen when Arthur is fighting in a tournament under an alias so people don't know its him (and they will hopefully not let him win), you really see this.

Gwen: You have nothing to prove, least of all to me.

Arthur: I have everything to prove, to myself.

This is the fundamental point, Arthur is always trying to prove himself often to his father or others but always primarily to himself. Because he needs to prove to himself that he can rule Camelot, that he is deserving of it, so for the fact that he's going to be king to hold any weight he needs to do what he thinks is right, because if he doesn't then what sort of king would he be anyway?

This ties I think into what I mentioned in the last episode about Merlin and the greater good. The idea that Merlin never really makes the choice to kill Morgana or Mordred, except for in a moment where it was Morgana or Arthur, where it was a certain in the moment choice. Yes, he reaches a point where he tries to let them die but this is different to outright murder, and I think perhaps a Merlin who would have killed them is not a the Merlin we know, it is not a Merlin that could have formed Camelot. Arthur and Merlin's goodness comes from always trying to do the right thing, whatever the sacrifice to themselves, and if they hadn't been those sort of people then there is no way they could have been people who made a better kingdom.

Gaius: Arthur may give you a hard time, but at heart he's a man of honour. Not many people would have risked what he did for a servant

Uther

Uther's interesting in this episode, he has one of his worst moments in the show, not the worst thing he's ever done but certainly one of the worst things we witness. He purposefully lets Merlin die, we could understand it when he wasn't letting Arthur go after him, but to try to destroy Merlin's only hope for a cure to teach his son a lesson, that is cruel and so wrong. This takes valuing Arthur's life more than Merlin's to a whole other level, he values Arthur's obeying of him more than he values Merlin's life.

This goes to another feature of Uther's character I was just thinking about. He constantly mistakes control for love. He seeks to control both his children, he wants them to obey him, and if they openly defy him or disagree with him he punishes them. But he does love them, probably more than he loves anything else. When Morgana stages a coup against him and tells him how much she hates him he is broken, and he literally never recovers he does love them that cannot be denied but he spends so much of his life mistaking his controlling them for an expression of his love. It is an expression of his fear, he is scared of being out of control as he was when his wife died. Magic can be dangerous but mostly it caused him great suffering (although really it was him), so he seeks to control it absolutely, there is no nuance there and this is how he behaves towards his children. Hate and fear are terrible things to be motivated by, and Uther shows that. His hate comes from his fear, and his cruelty comes from there as well.

One thing, Uther does accept his fault at the end of this episode. It's not really adequate but its better than nothing and in its own way shows that Uther is capable of character development, and the fact that he will fail to do it in the most important ways is sad. His moment when he says to Arthur that Nimueh "is evil", it is so clear he is talking more to himself than anyone else. Isn't that a sign of trying to persuade yourself, he has to tell himself that Nimueh's evil cause ultimately she was just doing what he asked, and if he doesn't villainise her absolutely than its his fault too.

The one moment that really does redeem Uther a little in this episode is when he tells Arthur that "You did the right thing... I'm proud of you Arthur, never forget that." The last comment is telling, Uther knows he's not the best father, he knows that Arthur probably doesn't realise that Uther is proud of him. So the 'never forget that' is a reminder, I think, for when Uther inevitably forgets that himself. It is a reminder, for us, in its own way that Uther is trying to be a good father, and at least in this realm Uther realises that he very often fails.

Morgana

One interesting thing I noticed in this episode was how frustrated Morgana is with her life. I've never really noticed it before, but its in everything she says and does, even in the episodes before this. Even before she turns against Arthur and Uther and Camelot she is angry, not just at them, she's angry at her life. You can tell she feels like she doesn't have the power to do anything, like she's being controlled and perhaps like she isn't able to anything good or right because of Uther and her position, she feels pity for all the magic users but she is a part of the body that persecutes them. How do you reconcile that?

Morgana: Sometimes you have to do what you think is right and damn the consequences

There is so much frustration in that, and everything she says in this scene. I don't know exactly what this says about Morgana's character or her eventual place in the story but its interesting to note. Perhaps its to say her hatred of Uther and eventually Arthur isn't only because of her sympathy for magic users and eventually her own fear and feelings of being unloved but perhaps has its roots in her anger at this time, in Uther's control and her own powerlessness.

Merlin and Arthur

This is Merlin and Arthur's episode, so its kind of funny it took me so long to get to them, but there's really not that much to analyse in the wider scheme regarding them. They just are, and they are wonderful.

This is the episode where you see they do truly care about each other and they are truly good friends They risk their lives for each other with barely a second thought, and yes that is partially their own honour and decency but it is also fundamentally their care for each other that motivates them. You can tell when Merlin's thinking about destiny when he saves Arthur, it becomes such a huge part of his characterisation later on even though he loves Arthur more by that point he also admires him more so Arthur's destiny seems more important. Merlin doesn't really admire Arthur that much yet, he respects him and cares about him but the sheer admiration he will have for him comes later, and it is that admiration that makes him care even more about Arthur's destiny, because he believes in it far more. Right now though it is just their goodness and their friendship that motivates them.

The final moment between them though is beautiful. The moment when Arthur goes to Gaius' chambers just to check that Merlin's all right, even though he's obviously been told he is. He brushes it aside as usual, brushes how much he does actually care about what happens to Merlin (I mean Arthur did just go on a perilous quest that could have led to his death for him so I think Merlin gets it). But the moment at the end of that scene is lovely. There is just such mutual respect and recognition of each other and what they've done for each other, and the way they look at each other is just so wonderful.

Merlin: Thank you

Arthur: You too

Nimueh

One quick note about her. We will find out eventually what her motivations really are, that she's obviously not just evil. That she is angry at Uther and understandably so. And I wonder if in her there is a parallel for Uther I hadn't considered before. Both of them were involved in Igraine's death and Arthur's birth. And it was as a result of this action that Uther outlawed sorcery and began the great purge. She out of everyone knows best how hypocritical Uther really is. And in her own way, though it is obviously not her fault, it is her actions that set off the great purge. Uther made the choice to blame her and all magic but nonetheless it was a spell she cast that was the trigger, and I wonder if in her own way she feels guilty (just as Uther feels guilty about his wife's death) but like Uther she takes it out in anger rather than guilt. I'm not saying she should feel guilty, perhaps over Igraine's death but certainly not the great purge. However, she most probably does, and like Uther I think she's refusing to feel that guilt, and to avoid that guilt she chooses hatred and anger instead.

Bravery

Everyone in this episode though, is so brave. Gwen, Merlin, Arthur and Gaius all do risky, brave things that could get them killed, though maybe not killed in Gwen's case but certainly in huge trouble. Gwen sneaks into the dungeons and Gaius does magic. We will learn more about Gaius' character later but he is in many ways not a brave person, he is the sort who witnesses injustice and stays quiet, he's not brave. But he's brave here, he does magic, for Merlin, because he loves Merlin like a son. All the courage and bravery in this show comes from the love people have for others, and that's an important message, that the people we love and our own ability to love others can inspire us to be better people and to be brave.

Their immediate response to Merlin's apparent death moreover is guilty, they have nothing to feel guilty about, it's Uther's fault, but they blame themselves anyway. There is in that a contrast to Uther, who refuses to blame himself. They don't take their pain out in anger, they accept it and even though they have nothing to be guilty for the fact that their immediate response is guilt does say they are better people, braver people than Uther.

Other things

Morgana holding that butter knife ready to fight Bayard's men is the funniest thing ever. Like its an impressive butter knife, but it is still so clearly a butter knife.

Also so many bad guys plans in this show rely on Arthur or Merlin being fundamentally good people, like when your plan involves using people's goodness against them you need to re-evaluate your choices in life. I suppose its part of the point though- that they are willing to harm the innocent or take advantage of goodness in their anger. Uther punishes goodness in this episode.

My new motivational quote—> Gaius: "As the Old proverb says: Hard work breeds..........a harder soul." Merlin: "There is no way that's a proverb. You just made that up."

32 notes · View notes

camelotsheart · 3 years

Text

and here I shall present to you a passage from the bbc merlin book of poisoned chalice that explains why I want to lock Merlin & Arthur in a room with a truth potion.

Merlin

The thing was, almost without realising it, Merlin had come to admire Arthur - he longer had any trouble believing the Great Dragon’s prediction that Arthur would become a remarkable king. Merlin was prepared to die to make that happen. What he hadn’t bargained for was that Arthur would be willing to risk his life in return. He could sense that this was something big; that the bond tying him to Arthur connected them more closely than he’d imagined.

But he also knew that they would never be able to put any of this into words, or even acknowledge it to each other.

Arthur

Someone save these two halves of a repressed brain cell.

#bbc merlin books #bbc merlin #merthur

137 notes · View notes

lit-in-thy-heart · 3 years

Note

If you want to! Mergwaine and tackle hug (romantic or platonic). Idk Gwaine is just the type and it’d be so cute. Maybe after they’ve been reunited??? Or not whatever works 💗

@rainbowvamp thank you for the prompt!! 💕 i took a couple of liberties in that it's a tackle and a hug, i hope that's alright, and i'm sorry about the tone, they just seem to be getting angstier and angstier...

(set a few days after camlann)

as usual, under the cut, and thank you again!!

Whilst the rest of the court marvelled at Gwaine’s miraculously hasty recovery, Gwaine was embracing his newly-discovered invincibility by patrolling the Darkling Woods alone.

He had been clinging to life by a thread, but even in his deadened state he had recognised the hands that had slowly coaxed his body back to consciousness. Instinctively, Gwaine’s own hand jumped to his chest, where he had felt Merlin’s fingers brush against his skin. He wasn’t sure if he’d called out his name, if they’d even spoken, or quite what Merlin had done to him, but Gwaine had been able to sit up after a day and Merlin had been gone.

Healing spells had never been Merlin’s strong suit and Gwaine knew that they were capable of draining every last trace of a skittish pulse if the healer was already weakened. And Merlin would be weakened after watching Arthur die, that Gwaine knew all too well. And Gwaine couldn’t lose Merlin, not after everything that had happened. Particularly not as a result of Merlin reversing Morgana’s damage.

Gwaine pushed through the branches, tucking his hair behind his ear and pausing for a moment by a large oak tree. His fingers fumbled for the knots on the trunk as his legs threatened to crumble beneath him, seeking out the letters carved into the wood. It had been a ridiculous idea, and childish at that, but that hadn’t stopped him from leaving the scar of his initials interlinked with that of Merlin’s in the soft sunset so many years before. Severing himself from the tree as the strength returned to him in gradual waves, Gwaine moved further into the woods, plunging into the translucent darkness left by the shadows of the sun as the leaves above him obscured its path. He and Merlin had grown apart over the last year, and Gwaine had been trying his best to not let it show just how desperately his feet were treading water beneath the surface in the effort to keep their relationship afloat. Merlin had not left his side for a week after Gwaine had returned from Morgana’s clutches with Percival, but he had been paying more and more attention to Arthur and his well being, which Gwaine had attempted to apply logic to. It had made sense that Merlin was focused on Arthur, particularly with the multiple threats lurking in the shadows, and Gwaine himself had sworn loyalty to Arthur. Though that didn’t mean that his service, as it had always been, wasn’t primarily dedicated to Merlin. Everything he did – or had done – for Arthur had been because Merlin had asked him to, or because Gwaine had been able to see the expression lingering in the eyes that he knew so well, the fear that had darkened the delicate irises for the past year.

For a year, Gwaine had mourned the moments where Merlin would unflinchingly tell him about his father, or his magic, or the numerous dangers he’d encountered – though that last one had usually been reserved for when Gwaine had needed a scare to rid himself of hiccups. He had watched Merlin close off more and more of himself and Gwaine hadn’t even realised that Merlin had been dying until he had collapsed on Gwaine’s bed hours after the attempted assassination of Arthur and begrudgingly told him the whole tale. Even then he’d elected to omit the fact that Gwen was wanting Arthur dead, but Gwaine also knew that Merlin had the opinion of himself that his word was worth nothing, despite Gwaine having told him multiple times that he would believe Merlin over Arthur any day of the week. And if Merlin had spent the last of his spirit on Gwaine before they even had the chance to recover the land decimated by drought, Gwaine would never forgive himself.

Through the hesitant birdsong, the snapping of a twig resounded like a crossbow bolt to the skull. Gwaine pressed himself to a tree trunk and, one hand hovering over his sword, ignited sparks that scattered themselves across his fingertips. Through the branches, he caught sight of a hooded figure and a glint of metal and, putting aside all cautions of taking it easy, launched himself at the intruder. Having knocked them to the ground, Gwaine roughly turned them over onto their back between his legs, hand drawn back behind his head as the sparks evolved into ribbons of fire, his eyes burning with the same heat that Merlin’s had flared with so many times.

The same heat that was flickering right in front of him.

In wonder, Merlin reached up with his fingertips to graze the stubble on Gwaine’s chin, the drawn and anxious expression buried amidst it, the bruises stretched out beneath his eyes. When he spoke, he sounded like he was older than time itself. ‘I didn’t think it would work,’ he whispered, the fire in his eyes fading.

Instead of the vibrant blue that Gwaine was used to, the gaze that held his was commanded by the uncertain watery depths of the sky snatched between storm clouds. It was like all the colour had been drained from him and Merlin had been left with the dregs of his former self, and Gwaine’s hands, dropping the flames like he had dropped his guard around the warlock so long ago, jumped to Merlin’s cheeks to check that he was not some trick of his mind.

‘What happened to you?’

‘I gave you all,’ Merlin breathed back, eyes still roaming his form. ‘Because I couldn’t save Arthur, so I had to save you. Morgana was the darkness to my light, and you are my light. I couldn’t let her corrupt you. So I poured everything I had into reversing her damage. I poured everything I had into you.’

‘And nearly killed yourself in the process,’ said Gwaine sharply, fingers darting to the faint heartbeat beneath Merlin’s shirt. He slid from him, trying to conceal his trembling lower lip, and shook out his hair as he held out his arms. ‘Come here, you self-sacrificing fuck.’

Merlin fell into him like an acorn burying itself in the ground, rooting itself to the very earth it would one day become in the hopes of being able to slowly flourish. Savouring the cool touch, Gwaine wrapped his arms around the warlock in the attempt to transfer some of his body heat. Merlin was still breathing, which was always a good sign, and the heart thumping against him was stronger than it had been mere moments before. They hadn’t held each other like this since the morning that Merlin had been released from the cells after being cleared of poisoning Arthur. When Merlin touched him, it was like a butterfly was darting across Gwaine’s skin and seeking out the nectar hidden in his pores, and Gwaine closed his eyes.

‘Do you still have your magic?’

Merlin’s reply was thickened by the threat of tears. ‘I think so. It doesn’t feel as strong as it did, but I know a way to get it back if it is gone. You didn’t tell me that you’d been practising.’

Gwaine’s fingers were making their way along Merlin’s ribs. ‘There wasn’t really a chance to drop it into conversation,’ he softly said. ‘You were preoccupied with—You were preoccupied with other things.’

‘I’m sorry. For isolating myself. I just—I couldn’t afford to get distracted. I couldn’t allow everything that had been built to crumble so soon after.’ Merlin dropped his head into Gwaine’s shoulder. ‘It has anyway, though, and I’ve hurt you in the process. And I should have stayed by your side, when I healed you. But there were other voices and I was selfish and couldn’t handle the prospect of yet another failure, this time with an audience, and—’

‘Merlin, it’s alright. You’ve had so much pressure put on you for so long and, yes, you’ve hurt me, but you’re a selfless bastard who was doing it to protect me. I’d say that I expect you to make it up to me, but you’ve just saved my life, so I think that counteracts some of the distance that was between us. Not that I’ll say no to flowers, if that inclination possesses you,’ Gwaine added as an afterthought.

Pulling away, Merlin abandoned his fingers to Gwaine’s soft hair, gaze darting anywhere but Gwaine’s warm eyes. Then, he met them. ‘You know I love you, don’t you?’

Had Merlin asked that several months ago, Gwaine would have screamed that he show him, but Merlin had been willing to sacrifice himself for Gwaine. And Merlin being prepared to drain himself of his magic, the one thing that he had defined himself by – which was arguably not the best idea, but there would be time to show Merlin how much more he was worth – was more than enough proof that he loved Gwaine. ‘I know now. And I love you too.’

‘I won’t leave you again, I promise you.’

A lifetime of living as a pariah was screaming at Gwaine to not trust Merlin, to push him away to protect himself, but his heart was weeping and Merlin’s stare was so fierce for one who seemed so fragile. ‘I know you won’t.’ Gwaine pressed a kiss to Merlin’s forehead, lips lingering as he closed his eyes. ‘I know you won’t.’

#perhaps a little pleased with myself at actually managing to finish this one today even if there isn't much hug #i'm sorry...my mind just goes to places and my fingers follow #hope you like it and thanks again!#merlin #gwaine #merwaine #mergwaine #bbc merlin #hug prompts #lit writes

33 notes · View notes

donttouchtheneednoggle · 3 years

Text

My interpretation of the relationships in canon

Inspired by this spectacular post from the queen of meta herself @camelotsheart 💕💕💕

Warning this is incoherent and I got very carried away

Okie dokie so

Pre canon

Gwen’s only ever liked girls at this point and has gone through several crushes (which Elyan used to tease her about a lot and in return she teased him about the pretty boys and Leon stood there like. Wut) including the Lady Morgana (you know how Gwen’s 'type’ is someone who resembles Merlin? Yeah) but she’s never gonna say anything because Morgana’s still a Pendragon and therefore a mess and Gwen would never get involved with that crazy familyhdshhjfjfkbgjgbjgn

Ahem

Merlin’s never liked anyone like that (he’s aspec)

Arthur’s decided he likes girls because that’s what princes do

Morgana is obviously a lesbian and also has it bad for Gwen (one of the only plausible explanations as to why she ends up hating her so much)

Season 1

Gwen sees this feral gremlin fight the prince and is like I Must Befriend Him and so she meets him and then is like wait he’s pretty and lovely and funny hnnnggnhh what is this

Merlin meets Gwen and is like wait she’s pretty and lovely and funny hnnnggnhh what is this

Gwen gets very emotional in 1x04 and kisses him spontaneously and both their brains short circuit like what the FUCK just happened so they just. Never mention it because Merlin’s very confused and Gwen can’t work out if she likes men too or not. It’s a bit of a grey area (ofc Merlin’s not actually a man which might be why)

Then she meets Lancelot and is like OK SO I LIKE GUYS TOO

Merlin proper falls for Lance and is like huh this is a thing and they end up drunkenly making out and he doesn’t freak out quite as much this time

Arthur gets sent into full bisexual crisis mode OH MY GOD I LIKE MEN which goes on for literal years until he learns his wife is the same and its ok

Lance is so gone for all three of them

Merlin and Gwen literally never have a single conversation about their feelings because they’re awkward dumbasses

(I think it would’ve been different had Lancelot stayed I'm not saying read my fic but read my fic)

Merlin realises his feelings

(When I say feelings I don’t think they’re traditionally romantic like he actually wants to be with him he just cares very very much for him and it might have something to do with him beginning to base his whole worth on him but I digress)

for Arthur in 1x09 crap is it 1x09? I mean Excalibur with the help of Gwen and her knowing looks. This is also when Gwen gives up on crushing on Merlin don't ask me I’m aroace is that how that works because he's never gonna look at her like that

Like a week later she starts crushing on Arthur and is incredibly put out by the fact that Gwen 'who'd want to marry Arthur' Smith and Merlin 'not me' Emrys are so gone for this asshole

Arthur becomes aware of Gwen in 1x10 when she starts calling him out (funny that) and starts thinking hm

Season 2

Gwen continues to be pissed off at her feelings until halfway through 2x02 when she realises this Arthur bloke isn’t completely terrible (which he set about proving)

Arthur meanwhile is like OK SO I LIKE GIRLS TOO

And the rest, as they say, is canon

2x04 is kind of a ‘you get captured and your bi awakening who you thought you’d never see again rescues you and he likes you and you like him and he’s about to die for you so what do you do but kiss him’ type situation for Gwen

(Her feelings do fade over the intervening years. Sometimes you say stuff you don’t mean idk)

Merlin immediately feels very strongly for Freya and decides to run away with her basically immediately because he’s never met anyone like him before and it’s an incredibly powerful moment and he’s literally willing to give up everything to be with her

And then... well yeah

Season 3

Percy and Lance meet and it’s like hot guy! Shared trauma! All the other has! You know where this is going- except no because Percy quickly learns sweet holy fuck this is the angstiest guy in Albion he's not even the one whose family died two months ago and he NEVER shuts the fuck up about the same three people who he hasn't seen for like two years he really shouldn't be this gone on them also he exchanges letters with one of them and NEVER stops smiling when he’s reading them- so they remain friends and all cuddling sessions (and there are a lot) are strictly platonic

Gwaine shows up in Camelot and crushes on Gwen and FALLS for Merlin

Merlin feels the same because Gwaine’s so easy to be around and talk to but doesn’t make a move because in his experience everyone he cares about like that leaves at best and also Gwaine doesn’t know who he really is and it might not be safe for him to know

Then Gwaine leaves for myriad stupid reasons

And leaves again

Then when Merlin goes to find him he has to leave again and this time he even confesses his love! In a way and Merlin feels he can’t properly confess back because of myriad stupid reasons

In 3x12 Elyan and Gwaine become friends in about two seconds flat. When they're going to check out the dungeons Gwaine makes Elyan jump to try and cheer him up cos he seems kinda bummed and Elyan deadass nearly kills him and they’re inseparable from that point on

Everyone hiding in the cave with these little bastards hate them because they get into frequent brawls and talk loudly about all their (illegal) adventures to pretend they don’t feel left out of things

3x13 basically goes like this

The little bastards take one look at Percy and are like hot guy who everyone is ignoring! You’re in our gang now and Percy’s like all right guess this is my life now I'm not saying go read my fic but-

Basically Merlin gets the one person who actually knows him back and a promise that he's never going to leave again (ouch) and that's that, no one else is ever going to come close to that

Season 4

Merlin and Lancelot got together pretty quickly as their correspondence had been going that way anyway and they live together that whole wonderful year and would've been very happy forever except...

Well yeah

(Lancelot never got over Gwen or Arthur either. I don’t actually think he knows how to do that??)

Percy and Elyan get together after 4x10 near death experiences are conducive to romance have you seen Sword in the Stone they are SO dating so now poor Gwaine is pining AND third wheeling

Merlin and Gwaine hook up night of Arthur and Gwen’s wedding for completely unrelated reasons and kind of get together except Merlin’s in kind of a really bad place after losing Lancelot and between them they’re pining for like four people so they end up ending it because it’s just kind of terrible (which GODDAMNIT IT SHOULD’VE BEEN THEM!!!!!! But alas this is canon not should’ve been-on)

After whatever’s a suitable length of time to get over someone but not actually Gwaine starts dating Percy and Elyan and it actually works

And for a long time everything’s great and balanced and it’s the closest thing to the golden age as they ever get except as usual that balance relies on Merlin sacrificing everything he is and losing himself in the process

Season 5

Elyan’s death of course wrecks everything and things are really difficult between Gwaine and Percival, and Gwaine having lost one of his best friends becomes gradually disillusioned with the whole knight thing and also self worth thing and ends up returning to the whole reason he ever came here – Merlin – and is like right guess I’m living for that now

Cue even more pining

Eventually Gwaine can’t stand the grief and longing and distance and apparently unrequited but not actually unrequited love (it’s not that Merlin doesn’t love him it’s just that he can’t afford to) anymore and gets himself assigned to that garrison away from Percy and Merlin because god forbid he learns to communicate properly

Where he gets together with Eira who’s really easy to be with and makes him feel better, which of course was the whole idea he just walked right into Morgana’s trap

And after that whole debacle Percy’s still there for him, because god forbid Percy be anything but unflinchingly loyal and caring

And then… well yeah

Arthur comes to terms with the approximation of feelings he has for Merlin

(I’m saying approximation because I just can’t see Arthur seeing Merlin as an actual separate person past mid s1, he’s more a punch bag and unlimited emotional labour do-er and I don’t think you can truly be in love with someone who you just see as an extension of yourself, but I digress)

Sometime between ‘where have you been’ and that scene where they’re sitting on the log you know the one? You know the one

And yes he’s still just as in love with Gwen as ever until his dying breath and beyond. This doesn’t change that.

Post canon

Gwen platonically marries her beloved aroace oldest friend Leon who is very happy with the situation so she can get the council off her back and grieve properly and eventually starts a thing with Mithian now I’m not saying ot3 with Merlin but I’m saying ot3 with Merlin

I’m not a fan of ‘everyone who can be paired up should be’, but if you want I think Percy and Elena would get along great. She wouldn’t treat him like a tragedy

And they all live happily ever after

Until Gwen and Percy die and Merlin and Leon are left to spend eternity with each other-

UNTIL the round table clamber out that goddamn lake in modern times and finally TALK and form the goddamn polycule like this

that would’ve solved all this mess in the first place

THEN they live happily ever after for an appropriate amount of time that doesn’t leave anyone immortal and miserable

#PHEW #i apologise for this #bbc merlin #not tagging all the ships we'd be here all day #merlin rambles #mine #long post #like i say #carried away

47 notes · View notes

ladyofthelake · 4 years

Text

Merthur gems from the BBC children’s Book ‘The poisoned Chalice’

This was episode 4....EPISodE 4

A bond had developed between Merlin and Arthur after all they’d been through, and if that included a few practical jokes along the way, well, that’s just the way Arthur was.

Arthur stood up. “But if it’s poisoned he’ll die!” he cried. Merlin thought he actually sounded really worried which was sort of nice. He didn’t mind someone making him wear a silly hat so much if they’d also stand up for him like this.

(Merlin) He felt sad inside - sad that the end had come so suddenly and unexpectedly but he couldn’t let himself think about that. He just had to save Arthur.

It all seemed very clear to Arthur. Merlin had risked the king’s wrath to warn his prince of the danger, then willingly drunk the poison meant for him. Arthur had been brought up by the knight’s code, and he respected noble and brave deeds. This, to him, was one of the bravest, noblest deeds he’d ever witnessed, and Merlin didn’t deserve to die for it. I always thought you were the bravest man I ever met

It was Arthur’s duty to do whatever he could to save Merlin in return. It would be his duty even if he hadn’t come to...well, to like his servant. He’d never tell Merlin that of course. It wouldn’t do. But there was a connection between them. Servants had always been like part of the furniture, hovering discreetly in the background and doing chores when needed - but Arthur actually enjoyed Merlin’s company.

So Merlin didn’t deserve to die - and Arthur didn’t want him to die.

...every instinct he possessed was urging him to defy the king and rescue Merlin.

What his instincts - what his heart was telling him to do was the right thing.

He felt no triumph at his escape. He had survived but Merlin’s life would not be saved until the leaf was in Gaius’ capable hands.

He was tired and hurt but still sitting upright in the saddle. All that mattered was getting the leaf to Gaius.

But to Arthur’s horror, the king held up his hand - and crushed the fragile plant. “Don’t!” the prince cried in anguish. As Uther strode from the dungeons, the prince of Camelot flung himself on his hands and knees, desperately reaching through the bars to scrabble for the tiny broken leaf.

(After Gaius told him about Arthur’s mission) For a moment Merlin had a strange flash of memory - a vision of Arthur in a cave - but dismissed it as a fever dream and forgot it again almost straight away. It’s like Merlin’s magic thought for itself to save Arthur that its so deep in him to save him even when he’s dying his magic protects Arthur. Because its for him all for him.

He felt incredibly grateful to Arthur but a little embarrassed too. There were moments when they seemed to be close, he and the prince, and he knew there was no malice in Arthur’s teasing - but surely a prince and a servant could never be real friends? The thing was, almost without realising it, Merlin had come to admire Arthur - he longer had any trouble believing the Great Dragon’s prediction that Arthur would become a remarkable king. Merlin was prepared to die to make that happen. What he hadn’t bargained for was that Arthur would be willing to risk his life in return. He could sense that this was something big; that the bond tying him to Arthur connected them more closely than he’d imagined.

But he also knew that they would never be able to put any of this into words, or even acknowledge it to each other. *cough diamond of the day cough*

So when Arthur put his head around the door to say “Still alive then?” Merlin only said, “Just about - I understand I have you tot thank for that.”

And then, because he felt he had to at least make the effort and acknowledge what had happened, Merlin said, “Arthur...thank you.”

Arthur smiled, slightly uncomfortable as well, “You too. Get some rest.”

#merlin #merthur #yup I'm dead again :):):):)#like this ep is already an absolute #merthur classic #but just hearing their thoughts here and THE BRAVEST PART I actually cried reading this #they're so fucking beautiful #merthur is canon #<3 #my heart has exploded #merthuredit #BBC Merlin books

151 notes · View notes

imaginejamesandsirius · 4 years

Note

James having hanahaki disease and people thinking it's because of lily while it's of course sirius? Angst with a happy ending, please and thank you!! You're the best!

James had exactly zero intention of ever telling anyone. Unfortunately, that wasn't a very realistic goal, and he should've realised that Sirius was going to find out before anyone else. Of everyone he didn't want to know, Sirius was at the top of the list.

Listen, if James wanted for Sirius to know that he was hopelessly in love with him, he would've told him himself. When he coughed up the first rose petal, he'd looked at it and sighed. He knew that Hanahaki wasn't just about being in love with someone that didn't love you back, it was about being in love with someone that didn't love you back and never would or could. Your heart felt like it was dying, and your lungs decided to make that a real possibility. Hanahaki was terminal unless you managed to fall out of love, or the object of your affection managed to fall in love with you before you ran out of time. Naturally, both of those options were rare, so James wasn't going to hold his breath. Also because holding his breath was difficult now, but that was hardly the point. Also also, there were some people who thought that there was a less severe strain of Hanahaki, and if you could be cured, that's what the version you had. It didn't really matter because no one had been able to prove that theory true.

James was busy puking rose petalled bullshit into the toilet, and Sirius came in. There wasn't a way of covering, and besides, his ability to lie to Sirius wasn't the greatest.

Sirius knelt on the stone next to him and rubbed his back until it passed. "Have you told her?" he asked, passing James a summoned glass of water.

"Told who?" It couldn't be Mum, because Sirius would've said 'your parents' and not just Mum; he was awfully fond of Dad, it's not as if he would leave him out.

"Lily," Sirius said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why the bloody hell would I tell Lily?"

Sirius sighed. Like he thought that James was being ridiculous. Like he thought James was being obtuse on purpose. "I know that she's been pretty resistant to your- ahem- methods of wooing her, but maybe if you ask her on a date like a sodding normal person, she'll say yes." He didn't much sound like he believed it, but James appreciated the misguided attempt all the same.

"Yeah no, I'm not doing that."

"Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen? She tells you no? That doesn't put you in a worse spot than before. Just think about it, yeah Prongs? I kinda like you when you're breathing fine, I don't want to have to get used to a new version of you."

"Bugger off."

"Aw, you know I'm taking the piss," Sirius said, ruffling James's hair. "You couldn't get rid of me if you tried." He pressed a kiss on top of James's head, probably trying to be obnoxious and failing miserably.

"Yeah," James muttered, leaning against him. "Thank Merlin, right?"

So obviously Sirius didn't tell anyone, but James wasn't subtle, and he liked complaining about too-red flowers more than he cared about keeping his mouth shut. Which meant that James was complaining to Sirius about how he didn't even like roses, and couldn't they be carnations or something? At least then, he could wash them off and make a bouquet or summat. Naturally, people overheard him one of the times that he was saying that, and the news spread from one person to another until all of Hogwarts knew.

"I can't believe you didn't tell us!" Peter said, looking betrayed. "We're your best mates, and we had to hear about it from Benjy!"

"How is Benjy? I haven't seen him since he got out of the Hospital Wing," James said.

"That is so not the point, you arse." A beat. "He's fine, lots of colour in his cheeks when he'd telling us all the gossip we missed out on."

Remus glanced at James up from where he'd been concentrated drawing a crow. "You alright?"

James shrugged. "I've had better days."

Remus nodded, then went back to his drawing.

"You are no help at all," Peter said, glaring at him.

"Mmhmm."

"My point is, you should've told someone."

"Sirius knew."

"Padfoot knows everything about you, he doesn't count."

"I resent that, Wormtail," Sirius said, throwing his bag down and taking a seat on the armchair with James. There wasn't really room for two people on it, so he was mostly sitting on James's lap. "I might know everything about James, but that doesn't mean I don't count as him telling someone. He told me, I am a separate person, therefore, he told someone. Why do you care so much anyways?"

"Because if he'd told us-- all of us-- we would've been able to help him plan how to ask out Lily in a way she might say yes to! Now that everyone knows, she'll only say yes because she feels guilty, and that's not going to help him any."

"Do you realise that I can still hear you, Wormy?" James said. His voice was muffled because instead of resituating when Sirius sat down, he decided to stay where he was and just plant his face into Sirius's back. It smelled better this way.

"What, you're going to start caring when we talk about how hopeless your crush is? You're sick, but you're not dying. When you start dying from it, then I'll stop."

"Shouldn't you stop before he starts dying?" Sirius asked.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be. Prongs, honestly, why didn't you tell us?"

"Because it's embarrassing, and not in a way I can laugh about. Just bloody sucks and keeps on sucking until one day I'll stop being able to breathe."

"Stop being so buggering depressing," Sirius said, and James could hear the frown in his voice. "It won't come to that."

Remus looked up again. "You sound awfully certain of that. What are you thinking?"

"Well-" Sirius leaned forward, dislodging James's rather comfortable position "-one of the ways to cure it is to get rid of the feelings, right? So all we have to do is get James to fall in love with someone else, and he's good."

"You make it sound like him falling in love with someone else is a given. Wouldn't they have to love him to or else it would just come back?"

"Who wouldn't love him? C'mon, look at him, no one can resist that."

Sirius sounded terribly certain of that, which made it all the worse that James was currently mashing his glasses against his face rather than change where he was leaning his head.

"Alright so Lily can," he conceded a moment later, "but she's just one bird. Luckily for us, James swings both ways so all we have to do is pick the most likely candidates."

"This is a horrible idea," James said.

"I agree," Remus said, and Peter nodded. "When do we start?"

Sirius pulled a list out of his pocket, and all three of them began going through it, adding names and striking off the ones that they didn't think liked James quite enough to be viable.

"Y'know," Sirius said, all fake casual like he did when he was upset with James, "this whole 'saving you' thing would be going a lot better if you weren't sabotaging it every step of the way. But I guess that's the James Potter way, yeah? Who cares if you die if you do it in a semi-romantic way?"

"I'm not dying."

"Correct me if I'm wrong-" he knew he wasn't wrong "-but Hanahaki is a terminal illness most of the time, isn't it?"

James sighed, settling in to wait this out. When Sirius reached this point, it normally meant that James just had to take it. "Yes."

"And-- again, correct me if I'm wrong-- but you wanted to play Quidditch professionally, didn't you?"

Trust Sirius to go right for the throat. He knew what hurt, and he was going to use it if it came to that. Obviously, he thought it had come to that. "Yes."

"And do you think you can do that with your lungs the way they are?"

"No."

"Interesting," he said in that way that meant it wasn't interesting, it was something he already knew. He had to get James to admit it so they could get to the part where Sirius asked him what he really needed to know. "So, why don't you tell me why you're willing to throw away your future with a career you've wanted your entire life, instead of trying to get over her?" And this is where Sirius dropped the fake-calm facade. "I get it, Lily's great, but she's not worth giving up everything! For fuck's sake James, I thought you'd gotten over her last summer, but now it's like nothing's changed! You can be happy without her, she's not the only thing you've ever liked about your life. I really need you to think, because this isn't a bloody game. This is your life. You have Quidditch, you have the Marauders, you have your grades even if the professional Quidditch career doesn't go through. How can you do this to yourself?"

James didn't answer. He just looked at him blankly.

"James, I'm not fucking around: Lily. Isn't. Worth this. She's great, she's amazing, you love her-- whatever! It won't matter in ten years!"

Still, he said nothing. He didn't mean to. He wanted to open his mouth and assure Sirius that he wasn't throwing his life away, but he couldn't get his body to respond.

And Sirius crumpled. "Fine. Just- fine. Go off and die when you refuse treatment, see if I care." He slammed the door behind him when he left. He never had been a very good liar.

Yeah. Maybe sitting there and not saying anything hadn't been the best way of handling that.

Sirius didn't come back for a couple hours, running off to the Forbidden Forest to waste some energy as Padfoot. James thought about chasing after him, but he needed some time to think, and Sirius needed the time to cool off.

From the moment he'd coughed up his petal, to Sirius finding out, to right before Sirius left, it had never occurred to James to tell him. He could perfectly envision the way Sirius's face would fall, if James told him. The way he'd say he was sorry, but he didn't feel the same. The way he'd suggest that maybe they should try dating anyways, just to see if it would work because maybe he would grow to love James anyways. James wanted a lot from Sirius, but never, not for a moment, did he want to force Sirius into something like that. Because when it inevitably didn't work, Sirius was going to feel more guilty than ever, and James was going to feel absolutely shattered that Sirius couldn't love him back.

He had tried not to think about it. That had been his brilliant plan. He could think about how much he loved Sirius's voice and laugh and smell because they could pass off as friendly qualities. He couldn't think about how much he wanted to kiss him or hold his hand or fall asleep next to him, because that was too far for friends. He put those feelings in a box and pretended that the box did not exist. Surprisingly, it was easier to do now that he had Hanahaki, since Sirius was so concentrated on finding James a partner that they weren't spending as much time together.

Maybe he should come clean though. Refusing to get over Lily was one thing, refusing to get over Sirius was another. Maybe he'd let James leave it all alone if he told him. That didn't really sound like Sirius, but he was willing to give it a try if Sirius came back as mad as ever.

"Feel better?" he asked when Sirius walked back in.

"No."

"Great," James muttered.

"I understood you fancying Lily, but I don't... I don't understand this. How can you be in love with her? You barely know her. She won't let you know her because you were a prat to her for so long. I know that you love her and I'm sorry, but I don't see how she's that important to you."

"You never asked if it was Lily."

Sirius looked up from fiddling with shite on his nightstand. "What?"

"Who I was in love with. You never asked if it was Lily."

"That's because it's so bloody obvious. You haven't talked about anyone else half as often."

Anyone except the other Marauders, but clearly, Sirius didn't think any of them were options. "You think I don't care about her enough for it to be her, but you don't think it could possibly be anyone else."

"Fine," Sirius said, humoring him. "Who are you in love with?"

"You."

Sirius froze. Then he glared. "That's not funny. How can you be so flippant about this?"

James glared right back. "I'm not going to bloody pour out my heart just because you don't believe me. Sod off. Go bother Remus about his muggle mates some more."

"...You're serious. It's me."

"Who the fuck else would it be?" James said, with far more confidence than he was feeling.

Sirius sat down hard on his bed, staring at James like this possibility had literally never occurred to him. "I..."

"I don't need to hear it, mate. Just. I told you so you'd stop trying to set me up with people. I don't expect anything from you."

Sirius walked over and sat on the bed next to him. Neither of them looked at each other. It wasn't awkward-- not quite yet-- but it was too close to that for James to feel good about telling him. "I used to hate Lily. So much for pretty much no reason."

"Yeah I remember."

"It wasn't for no reason. That's what I told you when you asked so you wouldn't get pissed at me, thinking it was blood purist bullshit. It was- erm. More than that."

"What do you mean 'more'?"

"Come on, don't make me say it. You know what I'm talking about."

"You're crediting me with more brains than I have."

Sirius gave him a flat look. "You're not stupid, you berk," he said, giving him a shove.

"Hey, I'm fragile. On death's doorstep."

Sirius gave him a small smile, one that was completely at odds with the way their banter normally went. "I've been in love with you since- Merlin only knows how long, and you only ever had eyes for Lily. It was stupid, but I thought that if you liked her a little less, maybe you'd notice me as more than a mate. And now... now you're trying to tell me that it is me. Kinda seems like a load of tripe, y'know?"

"I dunno, but if I kiss you does that mean you won't hex me?"

Sirius huffed, but that wasn't a no and even though he was about to argue with him, James figured this was the best time he'd get. He put a hand on the side of Sirius's face and leaned in. Sitting next to each other wasn't the best angle for this sort of thing, but it got his point across rather nicely.

"I think the real question is how in the buggering hell you let me make such an arse of myself for that many years without saying anything."

"I thought it was cute, now shut it and kiss me again. Merlin, you're a dick, I can't believe you developing Hanahaki over me."

James decided that kissing was both fun and a good way of getting both of them to shut it.

#prongsfoot #marauders #fanfic #sirius black #james potter #filled #getting together #no voldemort au #hogwarts time #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

52 notes · View notes

lover-of-midnight · 4 years

Text

The last dragon-Chapter 10 +11

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: F/M M/M Fandoms: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game) Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski Merlin (TV) Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin) Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin) Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion Leon/Morgana (Merlin) Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin) Gwen & Morgana (Merlin) Characters: Merlin (Merlin) Arthur Pendragon (Merlin) Kilgharrah (Merlin) Uther Pendragon (Merlin) Morgana (Merlin) Gwen (Merlin) Jaskier | Dandelion Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Additional Tags: Fae Jaskier | Dandelion alternative universe Pre-Relationship Established Relationship Established Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Mild Language Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin) tired Merlin Tired Jaskier injured geralt Author Notes: The link here, leads back to Chapter 10 since I had trouble loading on to here. I just want to say a big thank you to my amazing beta @aalizazareth for the patience with this fic, and the missed documents I thought I send. I appreciated it.

Geralt relaxed against the wall. He knew why Jaskier had forced the issue about the boy’s magic. He would be the first one to admit, he’d never loved destiny, and he more than likely would never come to like it. He rotated his shoulder slightly. The bite was healing as well as it could. At least the poison was finally out.

Both ignored the words coming from the room. This was not something they would interfere with, as Merlin and Arthur needed to figure it out on their own. Jaskier gave Geralt a soft smile. He still remembered the day Jaskier had to tell him the truth.

He watched as the prince walked out of the room. He could see Arthur’s jaw was clenched and set firmly. Geralt easily fell into step with him. Arthur gave him a short glare, but he did not say anything.

“Where do you practice?” Geralt tried to keep his voice on the relatively low side.

Arthur gave him an unsure look. It was barely a day since the attack -- how could Geralt already be healed up?

“Outside. Follow me.” Arthur’s voice cracked slightly, and he knew it would help to try and get the frustration out on the training ground.

They walked silently for a while. Geralt broke the silence suddenly. “I knew Jaskier for ten years when there was a situation and he was forced to tell me the truth about what he is.” Geralt trailed slightly off, trying to figure out how to string together the words he wished to say.

“We accidentally stumbled onto a fairy ring. Not a large group, but they were strong enough to invade my mind, quickly.” Geralt fell silent again. To this day, he was not proud of his reaction to what had followed.

“Faeries can work on the mind. They inrail your mind with their chaos so that you are more open to their suggestions. When I found out about it, I was furious, and I felt betrayed. Do not make the same mistake I made. Listen to him. There is a reason why he kept this from you.” The words were a quiet admission to the part of himself that still felt the guilt.

Geralt looked as Jaskier danced in front of him. He’d always wondered where he got the stamina to dance and play his lute.

He wished he had paid more attention to their surroundings. They were about two miles away from where they planned to camp. The last clear thought he remembered having was a wish the weather was slightly cooler.

Suddenly, Geralt stiffened. He could hear a song being sung. A wince left his lips as he sank to his knees, and his head felt like it was going to explode.

“Let him go, he is mine.” Geralt barely heard Jaskier’ voice.

“Why should we, son?” The responding woman’s voice was harsh. “ This would be the easiest way to get you back home. You have a court to rule.”

“I left court Mother, I decided to be a free fae. That means I don’t belong to one of the courts. Now, let him go.” Geralt realised he’d never heard Jaskier furious.

The song started up suddenly again. Geralt clutched hard at his head as he fought against the sway of the music. Before long, Geralt could feel himself relax slightly at the sound of a new tune.

Just as soon as it started, it finished, and Geralt slumped forward.

“Geralt?” Jaskier’s voice was soft. Geralt could sense and smell how nervous he was. He hated the scent of overripe oranges in the air.

“What happened?” Geralt asked, his voice slightly strained.

“We have moved into a fairy court. Fuck. Geralt, I am sorry...” Jaskier trailed off.

Geralt wished he knew what to say, but the dots were clear as day: Jaskier was a fae.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Geralt could feel the quiver in his voice. He felt the betrayal deep in his bones. He thought they were at least friends.

Jaskier was silent for a long time.

“Because I thought you would have hated me.” The fae’s admission was quiet.

Jaskier winced at how heartbroken Geralt sounded.

“Why did you forgive him?” Arthur’s voice was quiet.

“He was and is my best friend,” Geralt answered quickly. “My only friend, truth be told. He will always be Jaskier to me, even if he didn’t have chaos. It is part of him. I tried to think about what my life would be like if he should suddenly disappear, or die. And I did not like the feeling at all.”

The adoration in Geralt’s voice made Arthur feel small.

“I am an idiot. From the day I met Merlin, I knew he was something else.” Arthur thought back on all the times a branch would suddenly drop on a bandit’s head, or how he would be knocked out suddenly, but when he woke up, the fight would be over and everyone would be alright.

“How did I never see it?” Arthur kicked a pebble.

“Never see what?” Both spun around suddenly when a voice spoke behind them.

Geralt looked the knight up and down quickly. He seemed to be a fair man. The prince would need fair and wise advisors when the time came.

“Nothing, Sir Leon.” Arthur knew it was better than to let anyone in on the secrets. The last thing they needed now was for Uther to find out the truth.

Leon gave Arthur a strange look. Anyone with eyes who had truly been looking would have seen the stress he was under these last few weeks. That, to Leon, only meant one thing.

“Is it about Morgana?” Leon inquired, making sure he kept his voice low.

The hustle and bustle of the people around them helped to keep them from being overheard.

“No, it is about Merlin.” Arthur stopped himself. “Sorry. I am being rude. Leon, this is Geralt. Geralt, this is Sir Leon, my first knight.”

Geralt gave the knight a firm handshake before he pulled Arthur to one side.

“Do you trust him?” Geralt looked Arthur steady in the eyes.

Arthur’s gaze shifted to one side. “Yes,” he said, and though the word was clipped, there was a firmness to it.

“Then, talk to him,” Geralt said softly. “You will need a wise and fair man next to you.”

Arthur silently made his way back to Leon as Geralt left.

Jaskier could hear the faint sound of crying, which made him wince slightly. He knew he had no right to force this. A deep breath later and he pushed open the door. There was a slight sadness in his blue eyes when he saw Merlin on his knees.

“Merlin.” Jaskier made sure to keep his voice soft.

Merlin’s head snapped up. “What do you want?” There was a tiredness to him, that Jaskier knew too well.

“I just want to talk to you.” Jaskier crouched down next to Merlin. “I know you don’t like what I did but believe me, it is for the best.”

Merlin wiped at his eyes. “How are you so sure it was for the best?”

Merlin moved to stand up. His mouth felt dry and he could feel the start of a headache forming. He easily poured for them each a tankard of water.

Jaskier watched his movements with careful eyes.

“I was there. I hurt my beloved because I didn’t tell him the truth until there was a situation that forced me to tell him everything. And I know now that if I’d told him earlier, then his reaction wouldn’t have been so severe.” Jaskier's voice was quiet.

Merlin handed one of the tankards to Jaskier.

“Merlin, you need to understand one thing: people intertwined by destiny will always somehow find each other. You can try and run from it, but in the end, you will be forced to meet again...” Jaskier trailed off. “My destiny is to protect Arthur, make sure he is the one to bring peace to the five kingdoms. There is nothing else to it.” Merlin could feel his heart almost breaking again with the thought that one day he would be forced to watch the prince marry another.

“Yet you love him, and from the looks of it, he loves you as well,” Jaskier said firmly.

Merlin gave a sad shake of his head. He knew that there was no possibility of them ever getting together. It was just not meant to be.

“Will you tell me more about Fae, please?” Merlin asked, easily changing the subject.

“Only if I can tell you about what had happened all those years ago as well,” Jaskier said, so firmly Merlin could only nod.

“There are three types of Fae. Those who are part of the Seelie Court normally rule over summer and spring. Fae from that court are known to be good-willed but, at the same time, they are mischievous. They are prone to overreacting in situations.

“On the other side, you have the Unseelie Court who normally rule over Autumn and Winter. These Fae are, again, known to be merciless and cruel for no reason.

“And then there are Fae like me, who are court less for the simple reason that we do not want to dabble in court politics.

“Another part that you should understand is that Fae have soul-bonds. Most of the time we bond with another Fae, as it is rare that a soul-bond will cross into the other world. When a bond forms and the Fae find their bond-mate, they need to connect.

“We do that with music and song.

“I met Geralt when I was only four years in as a Court less Fae. Before that, I used to belong to the Unseelie Court.

“I was so happy to have found my mate yet I was too scared to tell him that one: we have a bond that can never be broken, and two: I was a Fae. And so, I waited.

“In the time we learned more about each other, my music strengthened the bond we had. At night when he slept, my magic would seep into his mind. I never controlled him, but there was something alike to a protective shield around him.

“One day we stumbled upon a court. Well, a fairy ring. They almost immediately started with a song, and even with the shield, Geralt was led straight into the ring. One thing you have to understand about a court is, once a human enters, they can’t just walk out.

“Unless there is a stronger Fae, or the human is bonded to a Fae.

“Unfortunately for us, we did not happen over a Seelie court, as they would have let us go as soon as they realised we were bond-mates.

“This was my mother, the Queen of the Unseelie. She is a cruel Fae who rules her court with an iron fist. One of the reasons why I decided to leave.

“The fight between us was to get me back into the court and I didn’t want to.

“But at the same time, I knew that if Geralt was too long under their spell, he would be lost to the human world for good.

“For the first time, I forced control over his mind as well.

“I managed to win that battle, but at the cost that Geralt was furious with me. Not that I blame him. I learned later on that, with both of our chaos in his mind, he felt weak, nauseous and extremely dizzy--almost as if he was going to faint.

“When we left, he asked me why I never told him the truth. And I had hurt him. The person I should have protected, I hurt the most.

“He left soon after, and I didn’t see him again for a year.

“Merlin, we made it. When we saw each other again we had a serious talk and I proved to him that I could be trusted. Because that was in the end what almost ruined us.” His voice raw, Jaskier took a deep drink from the tankard.

“Thank you,” Merlin said softly.

Jaskier gave him an uncertain look as Merlin rushed out of the room. Knowing they could only wait and see what the Prince would decide to do, Jaskier hoped that Arthur would make the right decision.

#the witcher #the witcher recs #merlin (bbc)#merlin fanfic #merthur-fics #merthur #geraskier #geraskier fic #geralt of riv #jaskier #Fae Jaskier #tired merlin #tired jaskier #merlin's magic reveled #alternative universe

9 notes · View notes

adasttrawrites · 4 years

Text

Captive of My Spear // Chapter 4: Succeed

— — — — — — — — — — —

An Excerpt:

Eros

He stepped into the Dark Lord’s tent first, letting go of her hand as he did. He knew that Hermione was Occluding, and he was deep within his own mind as well. Neither of them could risk Voldemort finding out the truth.

She followed behind him, and he sincerely hoped that her walls were firmly up. If there was a chink in her armour, Voldermort would find it. He was going crazy but he was still a psychotic bastard, and he found lucid moments of clarity within the insanity. Merlin knew what he would do to Hermione if he found a weak spot.

“Draco, my boy.” The man clapped his hands together, smiling grotesquely. “How was Buenos Aires?”

“Good, thank you, sir. Your soldiers did well.”

“I hear you performed above and beyond for the great cause.”

“Thank you, sir.” He bowed his head, answering mechanically. “It is you who inspires me to succeed.”

“Your aunt must be very proud.”

“Yes, my lord, I believe she is.” Draco hesitated over the question burning in his mind and decided that it was worth the risk to ask. “Actually, sir, I was hoping you might tell me how my mothe—,”

“Patience, Draco, patience.”

A soft, menacing chuckle floated down to him and he looked up to see his master’s attention divert to the girl behind him. He balled his fists to stop himself from grabbing her hand.

“Who are you hiding there, Draco?”

“Oh, yes, my lord, you know Her—,”

“Hermione Granger, the Mudblood.”

The way he said ‘Mudblood’ made Draco wince, remembering his own days of blind prejudice; the way he spat the slur at Hermione with no care for her feelings. Before, when he believed that there was such a thing as blood purity.

“Yes, my lord.”

“Come closer, Miss Granger.”

Draco felt her shift to stand next to him. He gave her a sideways glance and then looked very intently at the floor before raising his eyes back up to meet hers. She seemed to catch on, because she sank to the floor on her knees, head bent.

“Ah, I see you’ve taught her some manners.”

“Yes, my lord.”

Psyche

“Now, Miss Granger, let me look at you.”

Hermione lifted her head and trained her gaze on Voldemort’s bony hand, the one clutching at his wand like it was his lifeline. All of a sudden, he was pushing into her mind and she felt it like a cool trickle of water running down her spine.

Thankfully, she was so deep into her Occlusion that she could barely feel the disgust swirling in her stomach. She concentrated on the false memories in her mind. Snape was nothing if not thorough and he had brutally trained them all to excel in Occlumency.

You succeed, or you die, Miss Granger. Now close your mind.

Succeed or die.

Close your mind.

“I see you have been torturing her.”

“Yes.”

“And do you use her in other ways?”

“Not yet, my lord.”

“Not yet?”

“No, I—,” she felt him hesitate and willed him to sound confident, “I am biding my time. The longer I wait, the more she fears me.”

There were several appreciative chuckles from within the room and Hermione realised for the first time that they were not alone. Death Eaters. All of the ones Draco had told her to fool as well.

“Good. Good.”

She felt Voldemort’s Legilimency leave her mind and she breathed out what she hoped was an inaudible sigh of relief.

Then, cool fingers were lifting her chin and she looked up to see her worst nightmare staring down at her with serpentine eyes and a predatory smile. The hand touching her was the one that had killed so many.

“She is a beauty.”

“Yes, my lord.” Draco’s voice soothed at her frayed nerves.

“Oh, but you would do wisely not to fall in love with one as lovely as this.”

“Yes, my lord.”

“A shame that such pulchritude is wasted in blood so filthy. Heed my advice, Draco. Sirens are beautiful but they have sharp teeth.”

Continue reading HERE!

#dramione #draco malfoy #hermione granger #hermione x draco #draco x hermione #dramione au #iliad au #hogwarts au #dramione fanfic #harry potter au #captive of my spear #nztina

10 notes · View notes

heartslobbf · 4 years

Text

analysis of underrated perwaine moments, i hear literally no one you all asking for. you’re in luck!!! today we are here to cry about 4x12 and 4x12 exclusively.

i don’t know how many people actually remember this moment because i honestly don’t see that many people talking about it (even though it’s a very important glimpse into gwaine’s character development since the third series) but, the scene i’m talking about is the one in the infirmary at the beginning of 4x12, in which gwaine tells percival to leave without him.

first of all, let’s talk about why this is an important moment for gwaine: in series 3, we are repeatedly told that gwaine is lonely, that gwaine’s only friend is merlin, etc, etc. he feels purposeless, aimless, without a home, which is why he never stays put in one place until he meets someone he has such an undeniably genuine connection with, merlin. at the end of series 3 we are only just beginning to see gwaine’s arc unfold, but it’s almost completely dropped in series 4 along with a lot of other side characters. this exchange between gwaine and percival in 4x12 is important because it shows how gwaine now has people in his life other than merlin: notice how he specifically chooses to say goodbye to percival, says, ‘i’ll keep them off your back,’ makes it personal to him and shows that yeah!!! gwaine has friends and loved ones and people he cares about, people he is willing to die for!! this teeny tiny moment tells the audience that gwaine has finally found the love he deserves (not that merlin isn’t gwaine’s favourite person on earth, it’s just that merlin was the only person who cared about gwaine in return before).

so, yeah. it’s an important moment for gwaine that very few people talk about, but now i’m going to go off on a perwaine rant and basically claim that perwaine is intrinsic to the importance of the scene and both characters’ arcs which, like,,,,,, i mean it’s fucking true and i’ll fight you on that.

it’s such a tender moment. sure, it’s hasty and there’s tension, and it’s not really the time, but god whenever i watch this, what, thirty second clip i want to cry. it’s a goodbye. it’s played off as gwaine just buying the others more time, but if that’s really what the writers wanted to convey they wouldn’t have carefully crafted the whole thing to centre around percival. gwaine would have been like ‘oh, go on without me,’ to merlin as well, he wouldn’t have been so calculated in taking percy aside and gently, nobly sacrificing himself. because between the eye-fucking and the fucking bro hug, this is an incredibly romantic moment, not the sort of goodbye you save for anyone.

and again, this goes back to gwaine’s character development and only enhances it further: almost two years ago, gwaine claimed that merlin was the only person in the whole world who cared about him, that ‘people got sick of [him] too quickly’. and now gwaine is so invested in someone else that he’s willing to completely risk his life in ensuring they are safe. this is a sad moment, sure, but it makes me so undeniably happy knowing that gwaine finally feels loved and appreciated, that maybe his insecurities have eased up because it’s not just merlin who can bear to put up with him.

this rant is a bit off brand for me considering it’s so gwaine-centric, but i don’t think loads of people think about the implications of this scene, and it really is significant to gwaine’s development over the show however small it is. but, because of course i have to make everything about percival, we’re gonna go off about why it’s important for his nonexistent arc too.

don’t get me wrong, i know percival basically doesn’t have any purpose in the show. but first of all, fuck you, and second of all, if the writers hadn’t dropped every other knight’s storyline after they wrapped up lancelot’s, he’d be incredibly important in gwaine’s, and that would’ve opened up his own.

anyway, two main things to say about this moment and it’s impact on percival: it’s foreshadowing, and it shows the development in his character that only someone as sad as i would pick up on. percival’s entire family was killed by cenred’s men at some unspecified time, as mentioned by merlin in a throwaway line during 4x06. as the self proclaimed number one percival stan, i spent way too long overthinking this whole thing and came to the conclusion that percival is reasonably emotionally closed off. he’s quiet for starters, and presents himself as sort of shy, and when paired with the fact he doesn’t really have any connections to any of the characters in the show, you can quite easily assume that he doesn’t really feel part of the inner circle. and maybe he doesn’t even want to be, because he’s scared that if he gets attached to people he’ll lose them, just like with his family.

now apply that to this moment in 4x12, when gwaine and percival have an established and firm relationship. percival accepts this goodbye, reluctantly, but he accepts it nonetheless. and percival clearly cares about gwaine a lot, considering there are multiple instances he’s saved his life in the past and the show is quite keen on presenting these two characters as close. this acceptance suggests that percival is overcoming his grief, his trauma, and is able to form relationships with people and realise the tangibility of them ending, without letting it destroy him.

some of you might think that’s a stretch, which is fine, but all i can say is bbc hire me and i’ll rewrite the show with percy as the protagonist.

anyway, continuing where we left off at, foreshadowing and the demise of relationships: in 4x12, gwaine chooses to stay behind at the mercy of morgana to ensure that percival is safe. this is foreshadowing the very dumb subplot from 5x13 with gwaine and percival, what with the implication that this might be the last time they see each other, this is their final goodbye, blah blah blah. it’s preparing for these characters’ final moments together, in which gwaine will just have a nap die, and percival will have to go on without him. sure, i absolutely hate the weird revenge plot the show tried to make with these two characters and morgana in like, the last half hour of the show, but this scene in 4x12 does echo it in a foreboding way that just makes me want to cry.

this is kind of a nonsensical rant about everything i’ve ever felt about the ten seconds of a merlin episode that actually features percival, but i do think this stuff is important if you care about the knights. and the show chose to keep it in, so they must think it’s important too.

#if you read all of that youre a fucking legend #bbc merlin #gwaine #percival #perwaine #shut up daisy #crying about perwaine hours #honestly though this is one of my fave bits in the WHOLE show #because im incredibly sad

66 notes · View notes

oizzys · 4 years

Text

4x01/4x02 - Merlin

There’s a lot to say about LancelotXMerlin relationship. I’m rewatching season 4 and I decided that I just have to point a few things out. I don’t really remember how they act around each other in previous episodes. So everything I say is about these two episode Mkay?

From the beginning of the season you can see how their relationship is kind of similar to merthur, cus they have this easygoing banter between them (and while Merthur throw in some insults , Lancelot x Merlin have an honest understanding.) you can see on Merlins whole demeanor that it’s easy for him to be around Lancelot (he doesn’t have to hide a huge part of who he is) and that is probably a huge relief. At the celebration when Merlin passes out, who was the first at his side making sure he was alright- Lancelot. The other Knights looked surprised and Arthur was annoyed. Not only that but once Gaius is there Lancelot could step away but instead he helps Gaius carry Merlin to his chambers and then makes sure Gaius has everything he need and to make sure Merlin is alright.

In the scene where Merlin goes to collect wood, Lancelot goes with him. “You shouldn’t be here” and “I don’t want to see you get hurt”. This is important. Lancelot is there because of duty and someone he loves. He believes Merlin is only there because of duty. Which is why he offers to cover for him with Arthur, so Merlin can leave (and be out of harms way).

“It’s your duty to protect Camelot no matter the cause. Well, it’s mine to protect Arthur” Merlin says

“Surely you can understand that!” Says Merlin, because everyone have someone they Love, someone they are willing to go to extreme lengths to protect. And Lancelot just looks at Merlin with these eyes right after literally tryin to get him to leave for his own safety and says “I can understand the very well”. Now if he were talking about Gwen, or his duty to protect Arthur he would be looking in a direction towards them (just even for a second) But No. he looks right into Merlins eyes. And he doesn’t look away, even when Merlin has turned his back on him he keeps looking at him with these sad eyes. (Because he wants to protect him and knows he can’t convince him to leave this dangerous quest)

Merlin is now dying and who is by his side, putting a blanket on him? Lancelot. This man has sworn to protect both Camelot and Arthur, but in an instant he decides to abandon this quest so he can save his friends life. Leaving with Merlin could not only break his oath to protect Camelot, but could be the very reason Arthur dies. Even when the Vilia is telling him that Arthur needs him his answer is “my friend is sick, I need to take him back to Camelot.” Even as noble as he is, he clearly priorities Merlin above duty ( and above his promise to Gwen). Then Lancelot wakes up and “Merlin?? Where’s Merlin!?!??” And in the middle of his ‘thank god merlins alive’ he STILL tries to get him to go back to Camelot. And yet again there will be no convincing him.

Then after they have met the dragon,

Now! This is the key moment right here. Lancelot and Merlin are riding through the forest towards Arthur and co. The first thing Lancelot asks is “are you really going to sacrifice yourself?” Cause if Merlin did Then Arthur’s life wouldn’t be in danger anymore and Camelot would be saved and Lancelot would hold his promise to Gwen. “I look at you and I wonder would I willingly give up my life for something.” Meaning, ‘I don’t really think I would willingly give up my life for something but I look at you and think that I just might’. He’s asking Merlin what cause would you have to give up your life like that. And Merlin answers with “you must have a reason, something that is more important than anything”. After this we just see Lancelot process these words for a solid 9 seconds. Not only do Lancelot realise that, to Merlin, Arthur is the most importants thing, but he realises what’s important to himself, what he would be willing to die for.

And lastly, Merlin takes Arthur’s place which again could solve all Lancelots problems, Arthur lives and Camelot is saved. But Lancelot will not let this happen. He didn’t take Arthur’s place, he didn’t die for Gwen or to protect Camelot. He took one last look at Merlin before he embraced death with open arms (literally). Conclusion: Lancelot died for Merlin because he loved him, and Merlins reaction? That’s when he realized.

I had a few more things to say, but realized how long it became so like sorry...

#merthur #merlin #arthur pendragon #gwen #bbc #lancelot #lancelot x merlin #idk #romance #bbc merlin #this became way too long #but anyway #I made myself cry #like Lancelots death was hard on Merlin #but they choose to show Gwens grief #poor Merlin

5 notes · View notes