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#and lock me in my room for the entire day afterwards bc i would cry and scream so much
doebt · 4 years
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and everytime i recount one of these traumatic events i just feel more and more hopeless. im getting really very good at pretending to be normal, ive spent my entire life practicing it, but ik im not and ik i never will be, not even close..and i just have to live with it and hope that at least a few people in the world will treat me well in spite of it??? wtf
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peydawgz · 4 years
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Could you do Chucky, both original and Buddi, and any other slashers of your choosing, with a digital artist s/o? Specifically, them watching their s/o get frustrated when it crashes or gets accidentally deleted, corrupted files, that magic. Maybe even closing the window himself for attention, only to accidentally delete all of their progress?
(I’m sorry I’m super late on this one; I’ve been gone for quite a while huh? I’m gonna get through some of these requests because I’m feelin the slasher love with halloween season coming around the corner! So I’m back!! This ask is rlly inspiring me bc I’ve been going through this rn :( my BRAND NEW tablet keeps glitching and fucking up my art.)
Digital Artist x Various Slashers (Buddi! Chucky, 88′ Chucky, Michael Myers)
Buddi! Chucky
     One hand on the keyboard, the other gripping your pen stylus tightly, you began to get frustrated with your current art piece. A mix of unmotivation, anger, and your tablet keeps crashing was all adding to your growing frustration. Your Buddi doll, on the other hand, was sitting patiently beside you up on your desk, watching you get angrier and angrier.       Was your computer making you upset? You looked like you were on the verge of tears because of it! “When can we play again?” Chucky asked politely, a creepy little smile appearing on his face. “I- I don’t know, Chucky! Look, I’m kind of busy right now.” You exclaimed as your computer decided to erase your entire drawing once again.      With your angry response, Chucky looked down sadly, folding his little hands in his lap. Your computer seemed to be making you very upset, and so he decided to take it into his own hands; you should stop drawing and pay attention to him! He usually makes you happy, right? Chucky was connected to all of your devices, including your Kaslan computer. He raised his finger, and with it, your computer did a hard shut down, turning off your tablet and your computer with it.      That did not seem to make you happy like he thought. Not at all. Instead, you threw your hands up in anger and shoved your tablet onto your keyboard and put your head in your hands. “FUCK! I can’t do ANYTHING!” You yelled into your palms. Chucky crawled up into your lap, tugging at your shirt. “You can play with me?” He suggested innocently.       “Chucky, did you...?” You started, looking from him to the computer. He looked down with guilt. “I thought it would make you happy...” He mumbled. You saw his intentions were at least good, even if they were interrupting your illustration. Maybe you did need to take a break. The files were deleted, but your progress didn’t come too far anyways. It was alright, you could restart. You were only on the sketch anyways.      “Alright, Chucky, we can play now. I have to get back to work soon, though, okay? No more shutting my stuff down, please. You were lucky this time, but that’s very important to me.” You set him down and held his hand, leading him to your room to get dressed.       You took him to get a new outfit from Zedmart and let him pick out a new accessory. In return, he suggested ice cream to cheer you up!
88′ Chucky
     Chucky is very... forceful with his actions. As you sit there at your desk, fists clenched and jaw tightened, he couldn’t help but feel a little bad for you. Your art was quite important to you, and it didn’t seem to be going right at the moment. You were working on a commission, and couldn’t seem to be able to open up the file you saved from the day before. That was your lineart and base coloring- what the hell were you gonna do if you couldn’t get it open? You were too stubborn to just start over again.      Chucky came up behind you. “Look, babe, if you can’t get it working then just let it go. Why don’t we do something else?” He said suggestively. “Maybe later. This is important.” You mumbled, turning away from him and violently clicking on the file, even though many messages popped up saying there was an error.       “I’m just saying that if you-” Chucky started, trying to be calm but he was already beginning to get stubborn with you. “I said later.” You just grumbled, interrupting him. “Well, if you’re gonna be like that.” He said to himself, and pushed a chair to the edge of the desk. You were too sucked into your own issue that you didn’t notice him.       Chucky walked over the desk and pressed the delete button, then closed the top laptop- facing you. “Look- I’ve tried to be patient, but you gotta chill out! Maybe some alone time with me...?” He leaned close, being very evocative. You pushed your palm into his face, pushing him back. “You just fucking deleted all of my shit!” You said, face red with anger. “Well, it wasn’t opening anyways! Just start over it’s not that hard, right? You’re an artist, it can’t be that fucking hard!” He raised his voice at you, and you flinched. “Chucky, it doesn’t work like that, I-” You looked down and spaced out, tears forming in your eyes.       Chucky immediately felt bad about raising his voice at you. “Hey, babe, I’m sorry... I didn’t know...” You started crying. “Hey, hey, it’s gonna be alright.” He crawled into your lap and pushed your hair from your face. “You’re the best artist I know! I know ya can do it again, even better this time!” He said, giving you a gentle rub on the shoulder. “Maybe first, let’s take a break. I- We don’t gotta do anything like that, let’s just hang out and cuddle?” He suggested, knowing he hated it but trying to make you feel better nonetheless.      You gave him a little smile. “I guess you’re right. Maybe I do need a break. But don’t try that funny shit again with me!” You glared at him, and your evening was full of comforting snuggles, and he even tried to make you tea/coffee afterwards while you draw!
Michael Myers
     Michael has no patience. He does everything on his own time and nobody gets in his way. So when he was in the mood for attention and you were doing something else; he was not going to have it. You sat there, angry that your computer kept crashing and restarting, causing your progress to be deleted each time. It was an old laptop, you probably needed a new one. You were trying to finish the sketch, but your laptop just wasn’t feeling up to it today whatsoever.       Michael walked up behind you, and let out a huff of air, letting you know that he was home. “Hello, darling. I’m a little busy right now.” You murmured, getting upset again as you couldn’t open the application you draw on. Michael watched behind you inquisitively for a moment, catching onto what was making you angry. He placed his chin on top of your head, letting out another huff.      “Hun, I’m not really in the mood.” You replied, and that made him upset. Not in the mood? You were his! You couldn’t just not be in the mood for giving him attention! He stood up straight and continued to hover around you, watching you for another five minutes, giving you the time to change your mind.       When you continued, he decided to take it upon himself and press the power button on the computer-- right as you were finally getting it to work! You gasped, and looked up at him. “Michael! I was in the middle of something! Can’t you just wait?” You asked, obviously very upset. He just tilted his head at you, thinking you were very cute when you were upset with him. He didn’t feel a hint of regret, and instead hoisted you up and carried you off to your room, you were still upset but there was no use making a big fuss out of it. There was no fighting with Michael.      He laid you down and sat beside you. He grabbed your hand and took off his mask, placing your hand on top of his head, nestled in his hair. You liked to pet his hair, he usually wouldn’t have it but he sort of enjoyed it. You just sighed and pet his hair, pulling him down to lay beside you whilst you continued to run your fingers through his locks. “Please don’t do that again. I appreciate the break, but please don’t. I give you your time when you go do the things you like? Let me have mine. I love you.” You sighed softly and kissed his cheek. He gave you a small huff in return and kissed your cheek back.      Later on, when you were drawing again, he let you have your time and patiently sat beside you and watched. You showed him how you color, and let him pick one out for the background. He of course picked red.
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1000-directions · 4 years
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rbb because it gave me a heart attack #trauma and also ughhHhhHhhhh bc mood
lolllllll people in marvel fandom do NOT understand how some of us suffer when they abbreviate their reverse big bang as rbb!!!
this was the original draft of my winterhawk reverse big bang where clint is a musician and bucky is a trust fund kid who ends up joining the army or something and they’re boyfriends and then they break up and eventually get back together and it’s told partly in flashbacks and it was just getting TOO complicated to write and felt joyless and was making me completely miserable, so i threw it out after 2500 words and wrote winterhawk punks in love instead, which was the correct choice.
i will never finish it, but here is what i’ve got in case anyone is interested:
There are a lot of different things Clint could have done with his life.
Well, no. That’s a bit of an exaggeration.
But there are several things Clint could have done with his life. Multiple things. More than one thing.
But he doesn’t think any of those other things would have ever made him as happy and crazy and pissed-off and satisfied as singing does.
Whenever anyone asks, he’s very careful to call himself a writer. A composer. A creator. A musician. Like the making of the thing is the part that motivates him. Like performing is just an afterthought. Like singing is just something he has to do so the music makes sense. Because he knows he’s not a great singer. He’s passable. He can keep a beat and hit all the notes in his limited range, and he gets just enough inflection and passion into the words to make people feel a thing, sometimes.
He’s good at the writing. He’s good at the deceptively simple arrangements. His voice is the least he has to offer, and he knows it, and it feels kind of foolish and indulgent to especially savor the part that he’s objectively the worst at. But Christ, he loves doing it, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.
*
The two of them had ditched work early, saving up all their smoke breaks until it was suddenly 2:40, and the manager had no choice but to cut them loose. And even though they had permission, it felt like getting away with something, and Clint twisted his fingers into Bucky’s grasp as they ran down the sidewalk together. Clint darted recklessly into the intersection, and Bucky jerked him back at the last second as a truck came barrelling past, honking furiously at the two of them. And it was so close to being bad, but it was fine, fine, fine, and Clint laughed as Bucky shook his head, and Clint linked his arms around Bucky’s neck and kissed him right there in the middle of the street.
They were twenty, and they were in love. And nothing was serious but that.
It was a hot summer at the shore, and they were living in a shitty beach house with three other friends. They spent their mornings and afternoons scooping ice cream at a popular local shop that was more famous than good. And then at night, they’d go drinking at the scummier bars that were a little more lax on carding, or they’d build a bonfire on the beach and drink Yuenglings purchased with Clint’s really good fake ID. And inevitably, someone would have an acoustic guitar, and someone would start shouting out requests, and they’d get drunker and noisier as the night went on.
And then Clint would grab Bucky’s hand with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and they’d strip down to nothing and run into the ocean in the dark, screaming down the moon. And then they’d huddle together in one towel, letting the fire dry their hair until it was curly and crispy. And then they’d all stomp out the fire and gather up the red Solo cups, and Bucky and Clint would push their two futons together into one rickety big bed, and they would fall asleep in each others’ arms, salty and sandy and worn out.
Bucky woke up early most days to go for a run. He was in the Army Reserves, and he had to stay in shape, and Clint certainly wasn’t complaining about what the workouts did for his boyfriend’s physique. Clint was starting at technical school in the fall, studying to be an audio mixer. Things would be changing soon, but not just then.
That summer, time was lazy and endless. Bucky would come back from his run and lay his sweaty body down on top of Clint’s, kissing him awake, and they’d rub off against each other until they both came. Or they’d dart away from their friends in the middle of dinner, running up to their room and barely getting the door locked before Clint was shoving down Bucky’s pants to get his mouth on his cock.
And some nights, they were painstakingly tender, just kissing for what felt like hours before they even took their clothes off. Bucky liked things a little rough, and Clint liked things a little sweet, and they’d found something in the middle that was perfect for both of them.
“Just fucking hold me down and make me feel it, Clint,” Bucky would say sometimes, and Clint would kiss his jaw and tug his hair a little and fuck into him harder until Bucky was crying out beneath him.
It was their first summer, and everything was perfect.
*
At thirty, Clint is starting to fall into the sorts of routines that a younger version of himself would have detested.
Even worse...he kinda likes it.
But there’s just something soothing and comforting about knowing what’s ahead. Sure, it’s romantic to think about being a starving artist, but the reality of it wasn’t so sexy. Turns out that if you don’t work, you don’t get paid. And sometimes in the music industry, you don’t get paid even when you do work. So Clint works his ass off. All the time. He’s still riding a bubble, and he’s gonna ride the hell out of it until it breaks.
He wakes up, and he makes coffee. He fills his travel mug, and he and Lucky take a lazy walk through the park. Clint listens to the birds chirp, and he slurps his coffee, and he hides behind his sunglasses and doesn’t make eye contact with any of his well-meaning neighbors. Too early for that shit.
He goes back home, and Lucky inevitably fucks off somewhere to nap while Clint stretches. He’d tried meditation, but he can’t bear being quite that alone with his own thoughts. He can be alone with his body, though. He runs through his muscle groups, mindfully and thoughtfully working out the best way to stretch his sternocleidomastoid or his serratus anterior. He likes how he feels afterwards, all loose and wiggly, and it puts him in a good frame of mind for a morning listening session.
He has a second cup of coffee in his sunroom while he listens to the playback from the previous day. He combs through voicenotes and reads old journals, idly recalling stories about himself. He doesn’t create anything just yet. He listens with an open mind. And then he listens a second time, and he absorbs, and he makes notes about what he likes or how something could be different.
And then he sets a timer for forty minutes while he has lunch in front of the TV, and he fucks around on his email for a bit, and sometimes if he eats real fast he jerks off. And sometimes if he’s been seeing someone, he texts them, catches up, makes plans for later. Sometimes he plays video games. Sometimes he remembers to water his plants.
(Mostly, he jerks off.)
And then it’s back to work in the afternoon. More coffee. More listening, but this time with editing, rerecording, rewriting. He creates new voicenotes. He jots down new lyrics. He thinks about things he wants to talk about someday that he’s not ready to talk about now.
And then in the late afternoon, he ventures out of the house again. He goes to a cafe, or he grabs some more coffee, or he goes to the bank or the grocery store or the mall. And he exists among people, the way his therapist told him to. And he smiles at three strangers, and he overhears people’s conversations, and he reminds himself that there is an entire universe outside his head, just like there’s an entire universe inside of it.
And then he goes home, makes dinner, jerks off, swaps his coffee for whiskey, waits until he gets really, really tired, and then…
Then he fucking sings.
*
They got the band name from one of the weird, macabre love poems that Clint was always painstakingly copying down into his notebooks, trying to record the bits of weird beauty he saw in the world that mirrored the strangeness he sensed inside of himself. He felt less alone to see strangeness in others.
My darling, I will love you until the winter hawk cleans my bones And in her desperation, she will discover that my flesh only tastes of you
“It’s so gross,” Bucky had said with a curious sort of awe, and Clint felt so vulnerable in the silence that followed, because it was gross, but it was important to him.
Clint wanted to be so fucking in love that it chewed him up. He wanted love to shred him with her talons. And he could imagine himself getting there with Bucky. He thought they could be epic. He was still holding back some secret parts of himself, but if he let those go, he thought he could love Bucky so hard that it consumed him and he finally, finally lost himself.
And Bucky kept staring at the words scrawled in Clint’s notebook, traced his fingertip over the blue ink, following the same pattern Clint’s pen had taken as he’d lovingly copied down the words. And there was a furrow in his brow as he read and reread, and just as Clint thought he might explode from the anticipation, Bucky looked up at him with a small smile.
“I get it, I think,” he said slowly. “The desperation, I mean.”
“Yeah?” Clint wasn’t sure he was even breathing anymore, he was so close to losing it.
“The way a predator becomes a scavenger,” Bucky said thoughtfully, and there it was, that nerdy side of Bucky that Clint loved so fiercely. “Taking the scraps if that’s the only choice you have. Being just...so hungry.” He ran his thumb over Clint’s wrist, and Clint shivered.
“Hungry how?” he managed to croak out.
“Feel like I could just eat you up sometimes,” Bucky murmured. “When I first met you, I didn’t think you even liked me at all.”
“I did, though,” Clint protested weakly. “I was crazy about you from that first time I saw you.”
“I didn’t know it,” Bucky said. “Didn’t even know if I really liked boys or not, but I wanted you, and it felt like….” He frowned and looked at his thumb slowing arcing over Clint’s skin. “Felt like it didn’t even matter if you liked me back. Just me liking you was so much. And I would have eaten any scrap of anything you gave me, baby.”
“And now?” Clint asked, and his heart was an out-of-control metronome.
“Same thing now,” Bucky said, chewing on his lip. “Any bit of you I could have. I’d eat up all you gave me and I’d starve for more before I wanted a single damn bite of anyone else.”
“I love you,” Clint had whispered then, the first time he’d said those words out loud to anyone.
“I love you, too,” Bucky had replied, a hopeful smile breaking across his face and scrunching up his eyes, and Clint was so terrified and relieved and happy that he could barely stand it.
They pushed their mouths together and tried to kiss, but neither of them could stop grinning long enough to make it work.
*
Clint goes to therapy once a month. He takes his Lexapro every night. He has a notebook full of therapy homework, and he makes lists of his accomplishments and his failures, and when he goes to therapy, he shows up with an agenda. He is working to fix multiple parts of his life. He makes progress in different areas, a step on one path, a leap on another, a little stumble here. He’s an amoeba, and his pseudopods creep towards his goals, engulfing and consuming one after the other, slow and steady.
Get a dog? Check.
Learn how to cook healthy(ish) meals? Check.
Spend more time outside? Check.
Stop being so hateful towards myself? Check(ish).
Learn how to have sex with someone without falling in love with him? Check.
Learn how to have sex with someone without immediately thinking of Bucky afterwards?
Well.
It’s a work in progress.
*
Something flashbacky about being deaf
*
Clint’s newest album is called Mono Songs for a Stereo World, and all he’s finished so far is the title and the concept.
He connected with Tony Stark at SxSW last year and drunkenly talked his ear off about his idea to create songs for people with hearing conditions, mixed specifically to accommodate their abilities. He’d woken up the next morning with a raging hangover and a three minute voicemail from Tony describing the prototype software he’d slapped together. And now they’re...not exactly partners, but Clint comes up with ideas, and Tony turns them into reality.
And now Clint has all the technology he needs to create a fully customizable digital album. Fans will be directed to a website that tests their hearing, determines what wavelengths they can detect at which volumes, and then Tony’s tech will generate a downloadable version of Clint’s album that sits perfectly within their range of hearing. It works flawlessly. They’re probably not going to make much money off of it, but Clint’s been working his whole life towards something like this, and he can’t believe how close he finally is.
So all he needs to do is, like. Find some inspiration somewhere and write ten to twelve songs and then record all of them and mix them once and then feed them into Tony’s algorithm and re-mix the songs and then do maybe 40 test mixes on each one.
Simple, really.
*
It was easy for the two of them to form a band. Clint was always writing his weird poetry, and Bucky loved it. Loved the sound of his voice wrapping around the shapes of his words. And Bucky was good enough with a guitar, and it was just one more way for them to be together. It just made sense.
They called the band Winterhawk, and sure, Clint probably always took it a little more seriously than Bucky did, but that was Clint. He threw himself into everything like that back then, reckless and headstrong and passionate and unafraid. He loved Bucky so much, and he loved the band so much, and Bucky loved him and the band, too. Maybe just a little less, but still plenty enough for Clint.
Summer ended, and they found a reasonably priced studio apartment in the city. Bucky paid most of the rent, but he had a trust fund he was still working his way through before his parents disinherited him, plus he made great tips bartending.
wip title game
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chrisevansgoodgirl · 4 years
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Can we talk about Carol and Steve punishing their sub? Because I love both my captains 😭
(Goodness! Sorry this took so long!)
Anyway. Let’s talk about this! Bc I feel like the styles are SO SO SO SO SO so fucking different.
Carol likes to punish you. She likes to grab you by the jaw when you’re talking back, she likes to pull your hair after you roll your eyes at her, she likes to grab you and pin you to the wall when you try to walk away from her. And she loves spanking you, edging you, and just not letting you come at all. Because she really likes when you’re whimpering and crying bc you need an orgasm while you’re laid out on top of her, head on her chest while she runs her fingers through your hair. And she really loves making you eat her out. For hours. She lets you on the bed so you’re comfortable but she really likes to ignore you while your mouth is between her legs. She’ll answer texts, sometimes calls. She’ll browse Netflix, sometimes even start a new show. She’ll read a book, a newspaper. And then you feel like you have something to prove—which is probably her goal.
Steve is soft. He doesn’t necessarily like it. He definitely doesn’t hate it, but he prefers to spoil you, not punish you. But when he knows he must, he will. Unlike Carol, he only ever punishes you on the bed. You’re not sure why, he’s just very strict about it. He won’t make you stand or bend you over a table, and it is NEVER in public—though, he does enjoy when Carol punishes you in a semi-public way. So, this bitch is a talker. Why am I punishing you? What lesson am I trying to teach you? Are you going to do it again? You always say no and he doesn’t communicate any disbelief even though you’re sure it’s there. Don’t you prefer being my good girl? And you claim yes, again, he accepts the answer. His preferred method is definitely spanking. Carol enjoys that from time to time, but’s definitely a Steve Punishment™️. He will have you count. Sometimes, he runs his fingers through your pussy and if you’re too wet, he makes you wait until you’re not. He loves how you end up absolutely needy and shaking, begging him to touch you—you don’t care how, you just need his hands on your body.
Where they have a common interest is overstimulation. Carol has tied you to the bed and left a vibrator on your clit for two hours before. You were a babbling, crying mess at the end, but the look of absolute adoration on her face and the way she held you afterward made up for most of it. She has you go to parties, meetings, other social events with too many people, where she has a smaller vibrator in your pussy and the means to control it with a handy app on her phone. Steve makes you sit on his face and won’t let you off until he is done. Super soldier. He’s never done. His favorite thing to do is make you talk. He has his hands on your hips and he lifts you just barely, starts using one hand’s fingers to press down on your clit or tease your entrance, and then says things like are you sorry for misbehaving? What do you think your punishment should be? Tell me how much you love me. Tell me how good I’m making you feel right now. You’re mostly incoherent, but he seems satiated by your responses most of the time.
The reasons for punishment are also so different. Most of the time. Carol reacts quickly so you talk back, you roll your eyes, you blatantly ignore her “advice”—see: orders—sometimes. She doesn’t do the talking like Steve. You know why she’s punishing you, she knows you know, and you both damn well know you’ll do it again whenever you please. With Steve, any of that behavior just gets you his disappointed eyebrows and then much later, you’re on the bed talking about it, waiting for him to pull you over his knee. You have never voiced it but you think he gets off on your nerves about it. He likes making you wait, keeping you guessing when, how many, how hard, will he fuck you after? Control. Freak. More often than not, Steve punishes you for ��challenging” him in front of the team. You can’t do that, so he claims, because then everyone else will and then it’s not a team—you could recite this lecture in your sleep, you’ve gotten it enough.
These are the light punishments. Like that time you snuck out to a club with Wanda and then returned home with a black eye because long story short, some drunk loser got too handsy with Wanda and you started a fight with him and his friends. Or that time you consented to being bait for a mission and had to act without backup when the team couldn’t get there fast enough, no fault of their own; they just weren’t able to be close enough without being obvious. Or the time you had a drinking contest with Tony and won—which he argues about even though he called Pepper at 3 in the morning and begged her to take him back...they weren’t separated—and fell coming up the apartment stairs and sprained your wrist and bruised both shins. Neither Carol nor Steve were big drinkers and they constantly implored you to be responsible if you needed to do it. Or the time you helped Shuri, Peter, and Valkyrie prank the whole team. You weren’t allowed to retell the stories about Steve and Carol. Maybe it started with a p and ended in —regnancy. Regardless, the three of you decided to swap Thor’s cape out for a pink toned one that looked very much like the lesbian flag, which was totally not intentional... Tony was furious that the media reported Thor being the first avenger to make a political statement regarding sexuality. He was seriously planning a rainbow suit, and the rest of the team was no better, madness that Steve had to put an end to that he blamed you for completely.
But there are other, more serious times. Like when you make decisions during a mission that they are not on board with. And it doesn’t go as well as you would have hoped. Or that time, against Steve’s wishes, you were hanging out with a specific fantastic member of a certain team and there were paparazzi pictures the following day of when the tool kissed you out of nowhere—he swears he didn’t know you were with Steve and Carol, no one really believes him. Or when Carol told you not to go on that road trip with Nat and Bucky because, per Carol, despite them being master assassins, they had few people skills, absolutely no driving skills, and all three of you liked egging each other on way too much. Since Steve had been out of town, you were easily able to sneak out when Carol went to the gym. You guys were attacked, car destroyed, ended up hitch hiking to Montana, and had to call Steve and Carol to come get you.
When Carol is serious about punishment, it’s the craziest thing. She’s just at a complete loss. She’s not sure what to say or what to do, she is truly appalled and frustrated. This is when she leans on Steve a little—she sees him as the epitome of control and thinks he can offer it when she is feeling so out of control. All three of you end up on the bed, he sits against the headboard and holds you while Carol is sitting at the foot of the bed. Sometimes, she has you on your stomach, forearms locked tightly in Steve’s hands. This is when she spanks you. Sometimes, she has you on your back, Steve’s arms wrapped around your waist, and this is when she edges you until she’s satisfied. This is also when she talks. She wants you to show regret for upsetting her. She wants apologies and promises that it’s not going to happen again. But see, it’s not the same as when Steve talks bc Carol is going to do exactly what she wants and it doesn’t matter whether you tell her what she wants to hear or not. So, sometimes, you refuse to apologize, especially if it was a decision you stand by. These scenarios always end in a sort of compromise. It’s definitely not a win for either one of you and she’s okay with that. If anything, this is just to let you know that you scared her and if you would not scare her again, that would be great. Still, she has to send a message. You’re the only one naked, the only one vulnerable. Essentially, you’re the only one in the room without power and she likes to remind you in any way she can.
Steve. This is where things take a serious turn. He gags you. Because he doesn’t want to hear apologies, excuses, or arguments. Really, it’s almost dehumanizing when he punishes you this way, like you’re just an object for him to use however he wants. And it’s not like you can say no. Not that you’ve ever considered it, but there is this dark cloud over the whole room bc you have to wonder if he’ll know if you need him to stop. You hate that it actually gives you this tiny thrill. Carol watches. Steve demands it—but you wonder if it’s this mutual thing that they find in one another, maybe he’s feeling out of control and she’s the brakes then. He tells her what to do, too. He tells her when to undress, when to touch herself. The entire time, he’s fucking you furiously, yet acting like you’re not even there. He always starts you facing away from Carol. When he turns you toward her, you know he’s just about done with you. But when you lock eyes with her, when you know she’s looking at you, it’s harder not to come. You can’t warn Steve when you’re too close, you just have to hope that he’ll stop in time. For your sake alone, you assume—you’re not entirely sure what would happen if you finished without his permission. Not that you would ever tell him, but it scares the hell out of you to imagine. Afterwards, he’ll clean you up and tuck you in next to Carol. He usually goes to the gym to get rid of any remaining anger. You don’t tell him because you know it will make him feel guilty but you don’t fall asleep until he slides into bed and wraps an arm around you. You always take that to mean that he’s no longer mad at you. And every following morning, when he knows you’re awake, his fingers seek out your clit as some form of an apology for losing his temper with you.
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themilky-way · 5 years
Text
Different Colors {p.p}
Tumblr media
gif credit: mentioned above!
pairing: peter parker x stark!reader
summary: you and peter develop a friendship as you help each other cope with the aftermath of Endgame. 
warnings: some angst?? and there are some minor hints of depression and I am not trying to romanticize it so please, if you notice some errors and mistakes w how I wrote it, let me know so I can fix! and this contains some endgame spoilers so if you haven't seen it, I recommend you don’t read this and skip it! this doesn’t contain ffh spoilers so no need to worry!
author’s note: this is more platonic than romantic so I wanted to try out something new! also I'm in my peter parker feels bc this hoe watched far from home so request some peter stuff folks. additionally, does the “keep reading” thing work for ya’ll? its being a b to me on my laptop but it works on my phone so lemme know
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 life after the final war was difficult. smiling and pushing forward was hard enough on its own. you felt numb and weak, despite putting on a mask of strength for your family and everyone around you. your father, one of the most important figures in your life and in the entire universe, had left. bright images adorned every street you walked through, framed family portraits roamed every corridor in your home, your supposed safe haven. 
you tried your very best to keep going, to put in your mind the fact that tony stark died heroically and to save the universe. at the start of every new day, you told yourself these exact words so you would move on. but, nonetheless, you simply couldn’t. it was at these points in your life where you envied your sister’s youth. morgan was too young to fully comprehend the death of her father and, thus, didn’t grieve as deeply as the others did. 
you eventually started disappearing to the rest of the avenger’s, who were now dispersed mentally amongst themselves, but still lived at the headquarters. your visits would be less frequent and when you did go, it was only to deliver some personal drawings morgan would make of them in school. sometimes, if the group was lucky, you would actually come inside for a quick chat.
back home wasn't any different either. pepper would notice the full plates of food in the fridge you refused to eat, using the lame excuse of “I’m just not hungry tonight.” your bedroom lights were now always off and replaced with a candle you lit 24/7 next to a picture of tony. the house was quiet. everything that had to do with your persona was now excruciatingly quiet. 
worried for her daughter’s wellbeing, pepper found herself dialing a number she never would have called. her shaking, skinny fingers pressed each digit on the phone screen and finally hit the call button. she pressed it against her ear and prayed, on everything that has ever been sacred, that the child on the other end would pick up. and when they finally did, their voice audibly breaking as yours now always did, things began to change.
you, the daughter of a famous billionaire and hero to the universe, met peter parker a month after tony’s funeral. you opened the door to your dim-lighted room to come face to face with your mom, a young boy who looked about your age, and your sister, morgan.
pepper’s eyes looked red from crying and so did the boy’s, whilst morgan’s were confused and worrisome. your eyes, however, were tired and dark circles now adorned your once soft features. you were scared that something had happened, senses toppling with one another as you tried to register any other dangers to your family. 
“mom, what’s going on? are you alright, did anything happen? mo, are you sick?” your voice was hoarse and came out in strangled vowels as your eyes questioned everyone there. 
“we’re doing alright, bub, no need to worry. is it alright if we come in to talk to you?” pepper asked. you agreed, and stepped aside so everyone could pass through. 
as everyone made their way into your room, you sat down crisscross on one side as pepper and morgan sat in front of you. the boy, unlike your mother and sister, stood awkwardly at the end of your bed. 
“(y/n), this is peter parker, the one with the stark internship. peter, you can come closer if you’d like,” pepper said as she motioned to peter. the boy obliged, inching a few steps forward with his hands in the pockets of his black jeans. 
“um, hey peter, I guess?” your hands fiddled with each other in your lap as you said so, but you managed to look up at peter, who in turn looked away in a shy manner. flicking your eyes back to pepper’s, before asking her what this was all about. 
“well, honey, ever since your father passed away, you’ve been distant and I understand we’re all still coping with it. but I-we-have noticed that you’re isolating yourself and have completely lost communication with us.” your mom’s hands reached over to cover yours, which were nervously shaking. “(y/n), we all miss him. we all loved him. but if we don’t let the pain from our past go, we can’t heal.”
amidst your mom’s speech, you couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment where you had let your emotions get the best of you. you felt the salty taste of your tears run down your lips and neck as you made no effort in wiping them away. you needed to get it out. 
that’s when peter and morgan handed you a tissue and you looked up to see their outstretched hands holding the thin material towards you. you took the tissue from both of them, using one to wipe your eyes and the other to blow your nose. peter, who was still in an awkward position, stepped in. 
“it’s y/n), right?” he paused as you gave him a nod. “I know we don’t know each other at all but your mom asked me to come check on you. I agreed because I figured we both lost a father, and we could help each other as best we could.”
“my dad talked about you a lot. after the snap, he would always dedicate his evenings to finding out a solution. he really did love you as a son. morgan and I just never got a chance to meet you,” you recited. peter was listening intently as you spoke with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes beginning to fill with tears at your words. 
pepper was quiet amongst your first interaction with peter. this is what she wanted. she wanted to know what and how you felt, your thoughts that have been running through your head since her husband’s sacrifice. and she knew she didn't make a mistake when you began to open up. 
pepper motioned to morgan to give you and peter some time to talk and morgan happily obeyed her mom. they both got up from the bed which caused you to face them with a confused expression. 
your mother acknowledged your confusion and spoke with a calm and quiet tone, “we’re gonna let you guys talk for a while, is that okay, honey? peter?”
“I-uh-um yeah that's fine, mom,” you said. you shifted to face peter to find an answer and for a few seconds his gaze switched between you and pepper. “yeah that's totally fine. there’s things that I need to get out of my chest, too.”
your mom smiled lightly and took Morgan’s tiny hand in her own as she walked out of the room. before closing the door completely, morgan’s free hand raised to give you a small wave and you returned it, a genuine smile crossing your features for the first time in a while. the door shut, the light that was once in your room leaving alongside the two people you loved. 
you leaned over to turn the lamp on your nightstand on, the light momentarily blinding you because you had become used to a darker ambient. both you and peter had a chance to appropriately greet each other and offered him the chair from your desk.
afterwards, you both sat across from each other and simply talked. it was a conversation that neither of you expected to be comforting, but it was. feelings and emotions escaped out of you and you swore that you felt your heart began to stitch itself back together. 
and that’s how it was from that point on. you and peter began to hang out a couple times per week; helping him out with a spider-man problem or even as simple as solving a physics equation was enough to bring you both back to the joy of being in the real world. he, in turn, organized days where you, peter, and morgan would play UNO card sessions while pepper and aunt may chatted. 
with your mom, you began to tell her how you felt and everything that had been locked up within you was shared. because of that, you and pepper grew closer as a mother and daughter.
it was a genuine friendship that was formed by the most devastating circumstances. the avengers, you and your family, and peter were finally able to see the world in different colors. 
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ayellowcurtain · 5 years
Text
can you write one for elu where lucas sees some series of suspicious texts in eliott's phone and seriously thinks eliott is cheating on him (bc the texts are kinda obvious) which turns to him being kind of paranoid for a while (not long) and finding more "proofs" so finally he confronts eliott. crying and ofc eliott finds it ridiculous cause lucas is his everything.but it was actually idk just a classmate of eliott's texting their bf/gf from eliotts phone bc of some reason
can you write something april fools related? like prank goes wrong kinda thing? i mean i dont think any of them would make a break up prank but maybe they thought the other wouldnt take it seriously since its ridiculous for them to break up but then it gets a bit serious and sad but they're happy at the end ofc. 
Could you write something with maybe Lucas overhearing some girls saying how hot Eliott is and him getting all jealous and territorial
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Lucas loves Mika, but he doesn’t trust him completely. Sometimes he doesn’t think about consequences or doesn’t take things seriously. 
He needed some company to go out tonight. Apparently he had a bad couple of dates and needed to forget about it tonight, but everyone already had plans and Lucas and Eliott were his last hope. Lucas agreed to it last night when Mika texted him, but now he’s not in the mood, too tired after a long day. 
Eliott is excited to go out, so Lucas tells him to go with Mika and he will stay home, go to bed early if he can. 
Eliott checks with him a few times while getting ready to see if Lucas haven’t changed his mind. He gives Eliott a long, passionate kiss before he lets him go meet Mika. He smiles to Lucas and says he’ll be home soon. 
Lucas is relieved to be alone tonight. He woke up in a bad mood and had a stressful day at school, that’s probably why he and eliott were also in a weird funk, so it’s nice to he at the comfort of his house in complete silence. He takes a long shower, puts his and Eliott’s clothes to wash, etc.
While cooking something later, he puts some classical rock to listen to, looks around when he’s back to the bedroom, looking at their beautiful, comfortable, tiny oasis. Since he got his room back, he and Eliott redecorated (with Manon’s help) everything, bought some plants to hang on the ceiling next to the window, changed the beddings, donated some clothes so both their closets could fit into one. 
It feels cozy, warm, safe, a little bit like a jungle. 
Lucas already chose a movie to watch, crawling underneath the covers. Before he can press play, he decides to check his messages. Nothing yet. 
Don’t be a babysitter. He knows how to handle himself.
He presses play, adjusting his pillow. It’s not the best movie, but it’s not a waste of time either. He puts another one right after, an action movie to keep him awake. 4 a.m and the second one is over. Lucas had to fight to not fall asleep during this one, so he turns his notebook off, putting it on the table. 
Ok, his time alone could be over already if it was his choice, he misses Eliott and having his big, warm body to cuddle before falling asleep. But Lucas is happy that he’s out, having fun. He turns off his lamp, checking his phone and there’s some messages, all from Mika.
Mika sent him a bunch of photos. They’re apparently in a photo booth with a bunch of other guys and two girls. Eliott has his arm around some guy’s shoulders, seeming to fit it perfectly with the group, he’s really out going when he wants to so it’s not a surprise to Lucas how well he fits with Mika’s friends. The jealous side of Lucas doesn’t like how close the guy is to Eliott, but there’s nothing going on, it’s just him being possessive. And the other guy seems very young, younger than Lucas. 
The last picture ruins his entire night in a second, making him jolt on his bed, sitting and opening the picture, zooming in. His boyfriend with his wet, flat tongue out and the guy is really close, nearly sucking his boyfriend’s tongue. 
Mika posted something on instagram, tagging Lucas in it. He opens the notification and it takes him to the post. It’s a close up of that photo, only showing Eliott and that kid that he has his arm around, tagging Lucas and Eliott on Eliott’s tongue. 
As he freezes, looking at the photo again, he can see comments coming it, a bunch of guys and some girls asking who the guy in the picture is, someone already answering with Eliott’s instagram. Lucas’ vision is blurred, he’s trying hard not to cry or to freak out. 
This is what Lucille was talking about. 
He tries to racionalize but somedays it feels too much and he just needs to shove some sense into Eliott. Lucas types and sends his answer to all the thirsty people. 
He’s taken. 
A minute later Mika deletes the photo. Lucas suddenly feels sleepless. getting up from his bed and leaving his phone behind, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, cleaning his face with his shirt afterwards. 
Lucas was naive to think he would be enough for Eliott and that things would be different from what they were with Lucille. Maybe he got it all wrong and Eliott is happier when single or when he’s able to have whoever he wants, whenever he wants to. 
And Lucas can’t do that, he’s too jealous and too insecure to be in an open relationship. He can’t seem to stop crying, a blue light enlightens his room, Eliott is calling but Lucas doesn’t answer, too riled up, he would probably say things he would regret. 
He doesn’t know what to do, would much rather not have to see Eliott or Mika again any time soon, but it’s the middle of the night, he can’t just leave. Where he would go? Manon is not home, Yann is probably sleeping and he wouldn’t have the courage to bother anyone else with his relationship drama. 
So he lets his feelings take over again, sitting on the floor, hiding his face on his hands. He can feel his heart shattering and once he cried everything he could, his walls start to build around him again.
Lucas feels tired, his body aching from crying for way too long. It’s just a stupid picture! He gets up from the floor, hoping to throw himself in bed and fall asleep for days, lock himself from the outside world. 
But before he can reach his bed, he hears loud voices. Eliott and Mika are back. Mika is screaming his name and Lucas feels like punching him, not looking at his face ever again. They both barge in to the bedroom, Mika calling for Lucas again, almost running into him, standing in the middle of his room. 
“Lucas!! Hi, baby!” He tries to hug him, but Lucas steps back. Eliott looks wasted and full of guilt and Lucas feels like punching him too. 
“Can you leave me alone?” He has to gather all his strength to form a single question, Eliott takes a step forward, in front of Mika. 
“Lucas...”
“Can you leave me alone?” He raises his voice, stepping forward too, ready to throw both of them out of his bedroom. 
“It was a joke!! Nothing happened!” Mika explains loudly, laughing but he’s the only one. 
“I DON`T GIVE A SHIT, MIKA!” 
Eliott takes another step forward, putting a hand on Lucas’ chest, kind of trying to calm him down, kind of trying to stop him from getting closer to Mika. 
“Nothing happened, Lucas. I swear...” 
“It was more than fucking enough, Eliott!” He nearly screams again, looking at the boy in front of him, trying not to cry again. “You’re such a fucking idiot!” 
Lucas can feel Eliott’s hand shaking on his chest but he can’t bring himself to care now. 
“We are done, Eliott. I can’t do this.”
“No, no, no, we’re not done, Lucas.”
“Yes, we fucking are.” He means it, says every word looking into Eliott’s perfect eyes. 
“Baby, we were just kidding, trying to make my friends’ boyfriend jealous.” Mika doesn’t seem to realize the seriousness of the situation, Eliott ignores him completely, freaking out inside, thinking that he’ll loose the man of his life because of a stupid joke. 
“Yeah, it worked out perfectly, didn’t it?” Lucas looks at him and Eliott can’t have this anymore, he needs to talk to Lucas, so he turns around, trying to walk Mika out of the room. 
“Get out, Mika, now. We need to talk.” 
“We don’t have anything to talk about, Eliott.” Lucas answers, but he ignores, closing the door as soon as Mika is out, locking the door. 
“We do, I won’t let you break up with me over some shit like that.” 
“It’s not “some shit”. You kissed someone else, posted all over the fucking internet and expect me to be fine with it?” 
“I didn’t kiss him, Lucas!!! I swear! Nothing happened. It was a stupid photo and as soon as I saw it I asked Mika to delete it.” 
“So if Mika hadn’t posted it, I would have never known, even better.” 
“No, that’s not it! He sent all the pictures to you!” 
Lucas can’t hold back the tears, he’s so angry he can’t even think straight.
“I hate you so much right now, Eliott!” 
Eliott is holding back his tears, desperate, holding Lucas’ face and trying to kiss him, put some sense back into his head, show him what they have and how Lucas doesn’t hate him but he pushes Eliott’s hands off of his face. 
“Please, Lucas, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would get this upset.”
“I don’t care right now. I’m going to bed.” 
“Ok...” Eliott doesn’t seem to understand, going around the bed to his side. 
“No, you’re not sleeping here. Go cuddle Mika for all I care, I don’t want you here.” 
Lucas is a lot shorter, but he doesn’t act like it, pushing Eliott out of his room. The other one is still in shock (and too drunk) to fight back, when Lucas finally stops pushing him, he tries to turn around and stop him, but it’s too late, Lucas slammed the door on his face and he can hear him locking it from inside. 
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Note
What if the v3 cast were all swapped bodies? Like in the monopad they all swapped to the left? What hijinks would ensue?
I would put a picture of me being super excited since I wrote something else that wasn’t DRTC, but I can’t bc my computer is being rude. This one is gonna have some fun fun spoilers though! Keep that in mind. ~Mod Kokichi
V3 Body Swap
Kaede - Ryoma
When Kaede realizes that the only way to see everyone is to strain her neck and everything is incredibly short in her room, she knows something is deeply wrong. She realizes that the only person she could possibly be is Ryoma. The entire day, she spends going about as normally a possible. She wants to finish the day at the piano, but her fingers are far too small to play any of her classical pieces.
Angie - Gonta
Angie wakes up, almost practically unaffected! Sure, she bumps into everything possible due to the large size, and sure her vision is completely horrible and she can’t find his glasses most of the time, and sure his hands are too large to do any of her sculptures, and-- okay, she isn’t quite pleased. However, before anyone can chuckle at her horrible handling of his body, she tells them that perhaps Atua planned this from the start so she can use the might of her lovely god to enforce his will. The best part is everyone seems to listen, though she can’t imagine why!
Gonta - Shuichi
Gonta feels a lot lighter. When he looks into a mirror and sees Shuichi’s eyes looking back, he almost didn’t even realize. His eyes widened a few moments later before moving back and freaking out. Even hearing Shuichi’s weak yelling made him even more spooked. He ran out of the rooms, and he tried to see if everyone was congregated, but he had woken up before the morning announcement, leaving him to run around. He makes a mental note to help Shuichi train his body so he doesn’t get fatigued so easily. 
Himiko - Angie
Had she not needed to wake up and go meet everyone, she wouldn’t have ever figured it out. However, going to slip on clothing that was bright yellow and a bikini? That caught her attention. Leaving the room, she ran into her body, and started stuttering for some help. The distasteful look on her own face and apology for not being able to complete her duties as a maid made her more frustrated. She does appreciate being left to her own devices from Tenko, though. She spends the rest of the day catnapping and keeping a low profile with the others.
Kiibo - Tenko
While he’s a little discombobulated, waking up to feel actual skin made him wonder if his dreams had come true. It turns out that being a human made him so excited that he forgot to put on regular clothing. He grabbed the clothing, not particularly minding it was Tenko’s. Surely she wouldn’t be too upset with him considering he’s not technically a guy. He goes about his day, eating lots of food as research, along with being amazed that he can do regular things such as go to the bathroom and cry. All in all? The day is good for him, and he never reveals he’s in her body. He even puts up the charade that he’s Himiko in front of other people just to be safe. The moment he figured out which person was Tenko, he tried to avoid them as much as possible.
Kaito - Korekiyo
The biggest problem with being in Korekiyo’s body was that he wasn’t made to be an energetic being. He went through everything in the room just to be nosy. He didn’t want to think about what all the rope was for, and he got rid of some various creepy cult things that he had on display. Everyone wasn’t prepared for Korekiyo to sit down and be happily munching at the table to who he assumed was Maki. He made a mental note to avoid the man as much as humanly possible from that point on.
Kirumi - Himiko
Kirumi wasn’t that upset about the body switch, and simply felt disdain for being put in a less… capable body. Clearly Himiko kept herself clean enough, but her height and energy left something to be desired. Regardless, she went around, trying to help everyone get acquainted with their bodies. Cleaning is a hassle, but she somehow still manages to take everyone’s requests. They don’t call her the Ultimate Maid for nothing.
Kokichi - Miu
Waking up and seeing Miu’s clothes fueled him to go to insane lengths to prank her immediately. He wasted no time at all grabbing things from her room and writing down insane plans for her to find. Looking through them all the ones she’d made herself got him wondering what she would need some of the code for. Sure, he didn’t completely understand, but he could tell this wasn’t for anything raunchy or what other people would ask for. He spent the rest of the day making a fool of Miu and falsely accusing others of the body swap. Just a regular day, really.
Korekiyo - Tsumugi
Korekiyo wasn’t fazed at all, and took the entire day to think about how wonderful situations are like this since they test other peoples’ humanity. Not only that, but finding some notes in her room about a secret door in the girls room made for a most interesting discovery. He wouldn’t say anything about it, but his suspicions about how Tsumugi has been operating rise in his mind. He makes a note to keep an eye on her.
Maki - Kaede
Maki wasn’t prepared for this, and was ruffled up about it. She thanked whatever god there was that Kokichi hadn’t taken over her body, and spent the entire day trying to strangle Miu. Was she actually Kokichi, or was she just particularly annoying today? She wasn’t sure, and she had to refrain from resorting to anything too hasty. She would wait out the rest of the day.
Miu - Kiibo
Finally. Finally, Miu can figure out if robots have dicks. After some searching around in his room, she came out and put her hands on her hips, laughing as loud as she possibly could. The amount of raunchy jokes she threw around (“I may be a robot, but I’m better than any vibrator your virgin ass can get your hands on!”) Everyone is absolutely horrified, and everyone afterwards besides the inventor himself agreed to never speak of it again.
Rantaro - Kaito
Rantaro refuses to show that he’s freaked out when he wakes up and his body feels physically weaker. Some of the coughing fits he has puts him out of commission as he has to lean against a wall. Coughing up blood is never any good, and he looks around for something to help him out. With no medicine, and no one ever seeing him cough that violently, he figured that Kaito has been hiding it so no one thinks he’s weaker. He honors Kaito and still tries checking out everything that was written in his second monopad. He tries the hand scanner, but no luck. He decides then and there that Kaito is someone he can trust at the very least. The rest of the day is watching the shenanigans unfold.
Ryoma - Kirumi
Oh boy, being tall fucks him up hard. Sure, it’s easier to grab things, but he keeps shoulder checking everything, and the dress continued to get caught on everything if he didn’t pay any attention to it. He eventually tried to make use of the situation, trying to help others. However, when he sees how capable her body is, he hesitantly goes to his lab to see if it affects how he plays. Holding the racket in his hands feels foreign, yet good. He spends plenty of his time playing and avoiding socialization. When he leaves his ultimate lab, a small smile stays on his lips. Maybe he should request Kirumi to play against him if he ever comes back to it all.
 Shuichi - Maki
Shuichi knows that Maki has been hiding things, so he’s pleased when, out of all the people he could’ve been, he ends up in her body. Opening her closet and seeing a holster that supposedly goes on her leg for a knife freaked him out. He slipped past the crowd of people to check her ultimate lab out. Seeing the arsenal on the walls made him freak out hard, and he grasped the collar of his shirt trying to make it easier to breathe. He timidly checked everything, and cursed the fact that he could see Miu following his tracks throughout the rest of the day. He spends as much time as possible from then on avoiding her.
Tenko - Rantaro
Having to be a male absolutely kills her. She spends the entire day freaking out and being in a constant back and forth from trying to fawn over girls and diss males and freaking out about being a male. She even attempts to break into her room for her own clothing to be more comfortable. Unfortunately, she had no lock picking skills, and whoever was her was diligent enough to lock the door. She continuously blame Kokichi for everything, even though everyone is well aware that Kokichi isn’t even in his own body. However, she takes note of his second monopad, and watched the video. From that point  on,Tenko gives death glares to Rantaro as much as possible.
Tsumugi - Kokichi
Honestly? She should’ve been prepared for this. Considering she knew it was coming up for a fun episode of Danganronpa, she hid whatever she could think of that would uncover her big secret and went to bed. Waking up and seeing the mess in a ridiculous mess shocked her, and she cursed her luck for being horrible. She put it on and decided to give her best impression of Kokichi, considering she can wear his clothing in his body without getting cospox. Not to mention going through every little box in his room and his board of people that has notes on them, investigating where she originally couldn’t. Seeing his comment about Shuichi being possibly trustworthy had her wonder if he should become the main focus in the game instead of Kaede.
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anarcoqueer1994 · 5 years
Text
Why Do I Feel Like This? Chapter 4
Really important: This is an old work of mine that I am posting bc the tag is dying. But also, this has a lot of homophobic language. I can post the other chapter if people are interested too. This was a tough chapter to write. I went to a conservative middle school in 2008 and kids were always nice to the trans non binary gay kid
"Freak."
"Homo."
"Pansy."
"Faggot."
These words were hanging in the air around them. TJ and Cyrus were in Cyrus' bedroom, laying on the floor side by side, with their fingers intertwined, refusing to let go as if their lives depended on it. Sadly with how TJ was feeling now, Cyrus was pretty sure his life did depend on it. Cyrus turns his head so he can look at TJ. His eyes lingered on a bruise that was forming around the other boy's eye. It broke his heart. He let his eyes slip down to his own arm, looking at the hand shaped bruise. It left a dull throb down his arm.
The blond's cheek was streaked with silent tears. His face was tense and broken. He looked like he could shatter into a million pieces at any moment. Cyrus knew the feeling. He was barely keeping it together himself. Between the hurt he felt for what kids did to him today, and the intense anger he felt towards those who hurt TJ, he was about to lose his mind. How could this be happening?
Today had started so positively. TJ was practically glowing on the way to school. Yesterday night, he gained so many friends in Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty. He was genuinely excited about having more friends at school and not feeling so lonely. Cyrus remembers smiling as he listened to the older boy gush as they walked together. He remembers wanting to hold his hand as they walked, but didn't because they weren't out to the public. Looking back he wished he did, because maybe it would of given his boyfriend more strength for what would come next.
This morning, they walked through the big double doors leading into the school hallway. Immediately everyone went silent. Hundreds of eyeballs bore into them as they walked down the hallway towards their lockers. Their lockers this year were right next to each other. People parted down the hallway to let them through. Cyrus heard some snickering and whispers when they passed.
"What's going on?" The shorter boy asked quietly.
"I'm not sure..." TJ admits apprehensively.
That's when they see it. Out of the corner of his eye, Cyrus sees his friends rushing up to stop them from seeing but it is too late. Taped to both of their lockers were blown up pictures of them kissing. It was from the park last night. It shows TJ standing up, leaning down to kiss Cyrus as he sat on the swing. Any other time, Cyrus would of loved that picture. TJ looked so beautiful in it, but right now it was breaking his heart. Someone outed them. They took away their right to come out on their own terms.
Then both boys noticed something else. Written on the bottom of the pictures in big red ugly lettering was the word 'FAGGOTS.' Cyrus forgot how to move. He stood frozen as everyone stared at them. He could hear whispers filled with ugly words. He could hear TJ's heavy breathing next to him. He did not know if his boyfriend was about to cry or lash out at everyone there.He wanted so badly to reach over and take his hand but knew that would make everything worse.
That's when he heard Buffy's voice cut through the crowd. "What are you guys all looking at?! Get out of here, now!" Cyrus saw his friends push forward to stand with them. Buffy threw her arm around TJ's shoulder while Andi squeezed Cyrus' hand. Kids began to disperse at Buffy's threatening voice but a few lingered.
"Get out of here!" Jonah called out.
Yeah, leave now. Get to class or something." Marty shouted.
With that, the group was left alone in the hallway. Both boys knew this was not the end of their problems, but it helped for now. Cyrus whispered "Thank..thank you..." Jonah and Marty went up to the lockers and ripped down the offending pictures. They were quiet for a moment. Maybe even longer. Time was moving in slow motion. It was like they all had something to say but did not want to be the one to say it.
Jonah finally broke the silence. He said "Can we go somewhere and talk...there is more you guys should know." Cyrus saw TJ's face get even tenser. He did not think it was possible. The bell rang but none of kids seemed to care. TJ gives a small nod to Jonah's previous question.
They walked down the hallway and found an empty classroom. Given the situation, they were pretty sure their teachers would understand them missing some class. Marty was the last one in the classroom, so he shut the door behind him and locks it.
Andi takes a deep breathe and then pulls out her phone. She opens up a text and hands the phone to Cyrus. TJ is standing near Cyrus looking over the phone. There is a video attachment. Andi says quietly "Hit play, Cy..." He does as she says and watches the video that makes him feel 100X worse.
It is a clip from the park. It is a crappy cell phone video. It shows the whole kiss...it shows them staring at each other like idiots and then them talking afterwards. They looked like love struck puppies. Luckily the person who taped this was too far away to record their conversation. But it is still way worse than the picture. You can hear the two voices in the background belonging to whoever recorded this. From the looks of it, they were hiding behind some tree. One voice is obvious, it was Kira. But someone was talking to her. TJ's heart dropped even further. The other voice belonged to Reed.
This hurt him even more. Back when Reed was his friend, he didn't actually come out to him but he was pretty sure he knew about his crush on Cyrus. Reed seemed supportive, even playfully flirting with Cyrus the day of the gun incident. Reed and Lester used to listen to TJ ramble on about Cyrus. They knew he liked going to the swings to talk to the smaller boy. That explains why Kira knew she could probably find him there with Cyrus. Reed must of told her. He couldn't believe Reed would seep as low as outing them.
As the clip came to an end, both boys looked dumbfounded. TJ could feel his friends' sympathetic stares directed and him and his boyfriend. Buffy is almost whispering as she says "I think it was sent out to the entire student body."
Cyrus kind of figured that. He cannot imagine how this situation could get any worse. He was expecting TJ to run away and isolate himself from them, from him. But what he actually does, breaks his heart more.
TJ whimpers softly like he could barely talk. 'Can...can you guys give me and Cyrus a moment...please..." The other kids nod and leave without a fuss. Their faces all look worried, nevertheless.
Cyrus braces himself for TJ to break it off, to tell him that he never wants to talk to again, to tell him this was all a mistake, but he does not. He looks to the ground as he stands facing Cyrus. He takes a sharp, pained breath. "You don't have to stay with me...this is all my fault. I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."
Cyrus did not expect that. The surprise causes him to let out a dry laugh. How could TJ ever think Cyrus would leave him over this. "You can be so oblivious, you know that? You mean more to me than any of those people. TJ I lo..I mean you are so important to me.I just can't imagine being without you." He realized he almost slipped up and dropped the "L" word, but stopped. He thought it would not be the right time. He did not want to freak the older boy out more
TJ weakly reaches out for Cyrus' hand. It was almost surreal to see TJ look so defeated. This was not the confident, goofy, jock Cyrus knew. Cyrus was so sad looking at him. He grabbed TJ's outstretched hand. Cyrus didn't know what hurt him more, what those kids did to him, or what they did to TJ. Actually he knew the answer to that question. TJ's hurt will always matter more to him, for better or for worse.
They stay quiet for a long time before Cyrus' voice cracked through the air. "We have to get to class, Teej..." TJ silently nods in response but doesn't attempt to move. Cyrus decides he will stay there as long as TJ needs him to.
Cyrus would if been terrified if skipping class before this. He wouldn't want to face Metcalf's lecture about the importance of making the most of your time at school. Or even worse, detention. But none of that matters to him right now. The events of today took away his ability to care.
He glanced momentarily at the door to make sure his friends locked it behind them. This room has no windows as it is a basement classroom. With reassurance that the door was secure, he pulled TJ close to him, moving to wrap his arms around him and hold him close, threatening to never let go.
The blond does all he can not to just collapse in Cyrus' arms. He felt exhausted. Today was not supposed to be like this. This was not how he pictured finally coming out. He keeps picturing that ugly word written in red. It was like living a nightmare. Was that all he was?
He rest his head on Cyrus' shoulder, trying to pull himself back together before they had to face the other students. He took a shaky breath before whispering into the shorter boys ear "I'm ready…"
"You sure?"
"Yea…Are you?" He whispers, trying to make himself believe he was truly ready.
“Honestly that depends….” Cyrus says in an unsure voice.. His voice gets lower, almost sounding shameful. “I can handle being out there, as long as you don’t shut yourself away from me. I hate what those people said and did, but what scares me the most is the thought of losing you...”
When those words roll off his tongue, TJ’s grip around Cyrus gets tighter. “I could never do that, Underdog...not anymore. Every part of my life is touched by you. You are under my skin, you know? “ Those were the most confident words TJ has said since they got to school. Cyrus could not help but believe they are true.
Cyrus pulls away and gives TJ a small beautiful smile. “Okay...let’s go.”
With that, both boys head out and go to their separate classes.
 
************************
School dragged on. They both missed most of first period already so they waited for second period. TJ had English and Cyrus had math. They were on opposite ends of the school so they couldn't even walk together to class.
When they separated, Cyrus tried to hurry to math class, to avoid listening to people in the halls. Some gave sad, sympathetic smiles. He knew they meant well but wouldn't actually do anything. Then of course, there were the mean whispers.
"Freak."
"I should have known, honestly...he was always such a girl."
"I have to sit next to that homo in science. I hope he doesn't infect me like he did TJ."
He tried to ignore everything, trying to focus on how TJ could always make him smile. He tried to focus on their date this past weekend. TJ was always his happy thoughts. He didn't look at anyone, just passed by with his head down.
None of his friends were in the same math class, Buffy had gotten moved to honors, and Andi was later in the day. So he could not even get a reprieve when he got to class.
You know who was in his class though? Reed. He was dreading walking through that door. Up until now, Reed had ignored him since the gun incident. He knew he would not be that lucky today
As if on cue, Reed, Lester, and a few other boys from 2nd period math were waiting outside the classroom. Coleman was not in class yet, so Cyrus had no teacher to protect him.
"Hey Cy…" Reed sneers.
Cyrus remains quiet, trying to pass the group to get into the classroom.
Reed grabs his arm hard enough to bruise, stopping him in his tracks. It really hurt and Cyrus winces in pain. "I was talking to you. I knew you were a fag...but dumb too?"
Cyrus stays quiet as the boy releases him and pushes him back slightly. It causes Cyrus to stumble and fall on the ground. The boys surround him.
"You are going to regret ever turning TJ into one of you guys…"
Cyrus gets a burst of courage when he brings up TJ. He may not be able to defend himself well, but he would do anything for his boyfriend. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You can't turn someone gay. Trust me TJ was "one of us" way before me."
Reed looks pissed when Cyrus talks back to him. But Cyrus doesn't stop. Though his arm hurts and now his back from falling, he smirks. He doesn't know what came over him. "In fact, I thought you may be "one of us" by the way you were acting when we went dirt biking. You were flirting with me the moment I walked up. But it is not me you are into is it? You wanted another boy that was there. You wanted to make him jealous, didn't you?"
"Shut. Up. Goodman." He said in an irritated tone. His eyes are dark from anger. The other kids stare in confusion.
"Or what? You are going to hurt me again. Do it. I don't care. You know why? Because I have TJ and you never will." When the words leave his mouth, he feels a sharp kick to his stomach.
"I said shut up, faggot." Reed and his group walk into class leaving Cyrus laying on the floor, holding his stomach where Reed's shoe just made contact. He manages to stand up and walk into class before Coleman gets there. The last thing he wants is more attention drawn to him by getting a teacher involved.
As he sits in the back row, in a little corner, he smiles to himself. His body hurt like hell and he knew he would have a bruise on his stomach to match the one forming on his arm. But he stood up to Reed. He actually said out loud "I have TJ." It really hit him, TJ is his. He did not know what he did to deserve something so wonderful
**********
The rest of the day passed slowly. People would make nasty remarks whenever either of them were in the hallway. But no one came up directly to TJ like Reed did to Cyrus during the school day. Even Kira just gave satisfied grins when he saw her. She was satisfied with her work and did not feel the need to add to it. She could tell by his defeated face, that she had done enough.
Lunch was a good reprieve, as Cyrus and TJ were together, and they were surrounded by their friends. It was a little easier to ignore the other students. But today overall was mentally wearing them down. Ignoring the stares and the laughs was overwhelming. Cyrus keeps the Reed incident to himself. He knew TJ would lose his temper and Cyrus does not want TJ to get in trouble.
In the afternoon, classes were just as bad. In art class, which TJ and Cyrus have together, everyone focused all their attention on them. They sat together, like usual, but today everyone became hyper aware of it. In the past, they would exchange little cute notes to pass the time. They could not do that today without someone noticing though and making it a big deal. It was like they were like freaks on display.
Throughout the day, their friends really tried to help. They would shoot back nasty looks or tell off whoever was being a jerk. But it just wasn’t enough. The worst part wasn’t even the kids making the shitty comments.No, the worst part was that so many more kids weren’t saying anything at all. It was not just that they weren’t calling them names or being a bully. It was that they were just letting it happen. They were being indifferent in the face of 2 boys being taunted just because they were going out with each other. These kids were not being homophobic directly, but by ignoring the problem, they let it get worse.
**************************
When school finally let out, TJ could not just go home. He had basketball practice, and for once he was not looking forward to it. Cyrus had always came to his practice. He would sit and watch them play(mostly TJ) and then they would walk home together. A bunch of the player’s girlfriends would be there too but until today, no one thought anything of Cyrus being there.
Cyrus met TJ at his locker before the taller boy went to practice. They tried to block out the few lingering glares around them. Cyrus whispers “Hey TJ….do you want me to come today? I...I don’t want to embarrass you more and I understand if you don’t want me there...I can just wait for you somewhere else...or I mean if you even want me to wait…” Cyrus was rambling and blushing more and more the longer he talked.
TJ does not know why Cyrus always makes him want to be brave but he does. He stops Cyrus mid-ramble. “Of course I want you to come, Underdog…” He adds “I don’t care what these people think.” That last part was kind of a lie but TJ wanted to believe himself.
Cyrus simply nodded as he watched the basketball player close his locker. He follows his boyfriend down the hallway towards the gym. They get there before the rest of the team so TJ goes to the locker room and changes before anyone else gets there. Cyrus takes a seat on the bleachers and settles in to wait.
When the rest of the team arrives and is ready, they begin practice. The other basketball players’ girlfriends all sit away from Cyrus. But whatever separation and isolation Cyrus may feel, it is nothing like on the court. The other players won’t pass TJ the ball during drills, and they keep knocking in to him on purpose. They try to make it look like an accident because their coach is watching but Cyrus knows better. The team doesn’t seem to be treating them like their captain anymore.But everytime Cyrus makes eye contact with TJ, TJ puts on a big smile just for him. He knows TJ does not want him to worry.
When practice finally ends, things get worse in the locker room. TJ rushes to the locker room first. TJ tries to hurry out of as soon as possible but things don’t work out. He is standing at his locker trying to change. He already is back into his jeans and is working on getting his t-shirt back on. The other players enter the room. A tall boy, Brady, immediately starts talking to TJ. “Hey Kippen, I think you are in the wrong locker room. The girls locker room is that way.” He points towards the door.
“Very funny…” TJ responds dryly as he pulls his shirt over his head and begins packing up his stuff.
“I’m serious, Kippen. I don’t think I want you in here, and neither does anyone else. We don’t need a homo in here checking us out.”
“Trust me, I’m not interested.” TJ tries to remain calm.
“I don’t think you understand, we don’t want you on the team anymore.” He steps closer and shoves TJ as hard in the chest.
“I don’t think you understand. I’m the best player you have. Without me, you aren’t going to win another game.” TJ replies, stepping back close to him. The boys stand almost nose to nose.
“I would much rather lose, then have you and your faggy ass boyfriend gaying up the place.”
A wave of rage swept over TJ. How dare he bring Cyrus into this. Without a second thought, TJ punches Brady right on the chin, knocking him to the floor. TJ grabs his backpack and goes to leave. He stops at the door and says “Oh Brady? I wouldn’t tell coach about this, wouldn’t want anyone else to know you got beat up by a faggot.”
TJ storms out of the locker room, while trying to compose himself. He walks into the gym and looks up at Cyrus on the bleachers. “Cy let’s get out of here...now”
**********************
The boys walk home together. Tj didn’t want to tell Cyrus what happened, but when those big brown eyes looked up at him and asked what happened in the locker room, TJ could not lie. He told him everything. TJ seemed shaken up about it, mostly because he had worked so hard to not be angry anymore, and now it seemed like everything he worked at had been erased.
TJ looked so sad, and Cyrus couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He no longer was afraid to hold TJ’s hand in public, people knew so what did it matter? So while TJ was talking, mainly beating himself up, Cyrus reached out and intertwined his fingers with TJ’s. It made TJ’s cheeks go red as he tried not show how much Cyrus could still get his nerves all tingly. Cyrus, once again made all his troubles melt away.
Since TJ was honest with Cyrus, Cyrus decides to be honest with TJ. He tells him what happened with Reed. He shows him the little bruises on his arm. TJ looks like he could kill Reed right now. But Cyrus asks him to let it be and then tell TJ about how he stood up to him. TJ smiles at the last part when Cyrus says that he has TJ.
“Is that true, Underdog? You really want me to be yours?”
“Yea…” Cyrus blushes. “We are dating after all.”
“Yea I know that, I just have never heard you say that. I think...I think I like being yours.”
Cyrus shoots TJ a big smile. “Well I like that you are mine. I also like being yours too.”
TJ looks at the younger boy and really takes in every detail. Cyrus Goodman has done it again. He has made TJ forget about how bad today felt. He says “Hey wanna go to The Spoon?”
“Are you sure? A lot of kids from school will be there.”
‘Yea I know, let them talk. I can block them out when I am with you.”
“Okay then, I’m down to get some babytaters. “
“Cool, I have to run home and grab my cash and drop off my gym bag. Get us a table?”
“Yeah of course…”
*****************’
TJ walks into the door and the house is eerily quiet. Amber is at work, and so was his mom. But his dad should be home.He looks around the house just to check in. It wasn’t until he got to his room that he found him. He was sitting at TJ’s desk. He smelled strongly of whiskey and was holding a picture of TJ and Cyrus from TJ’s drawer.”
“Hey..hey dad, what you doing?”
“Is this the boy?” His dad asks as he waves the picture around.
“What...what are you talking about?” he stutters.
“Don’t play dumb with me, boy. The school called. They said that kids were giving you problems today over some kiss with a boy. Is this the boy?”
‘Yes, sir.” TJ looks down. He really wishes his big sister was there. Amber knew how to handle their dad when he was drunk and angry. She always protected him.
“I don’t ever want you to see him again. And you will not live that disgusting...lifestyle in this house.” His dad’s words are slurred as he stands up and steps closer to the boy. His dad could be pretty intimidating. He stood at 6’4 and had the build to match. TJ wonders if his dad knows that Amber is definitely not straight either.
TJ takes a deep breath before defyingly looking straight into his dad’s eyes.”No.”
“What did you just say to me?”
“I said no, dad. I will not stop seeing Cyrus and now that I was pushed out of the closet, I will not go back in. You or anyone else cannot make me!”
“You will not talk to me like that in my house!” He says grabbing TJ by the shirt collar and practically throwing him against the dresser behind him. That’s when the drunken hits and punches start landing against his body. “I’m the adult here, if you are going to act like a freak, I’m at least going to show you how to take a punch like a man.”
When the older man is done, he leaves TJ slumped against his dresser and closes the door. TJ knows he cannot possibly leave now. He does not have the heart to tell Cyrus what happened. He is sore all over. He knows he will have bruises and marks all down his chest and face. But he doesn’t hurt. He just feels numb. Like nothing at all matters. Like he doesn’t matter. Maybe he was a freak...he doesn’t even know.
He stays on the floor leaning against that dresser for hours. He hears both his mom and sister come home. Then he hears fighting and doors slamming. Amber knocks on his door, but he ignores her. There is only one person he wants to see right now but he thinks he messed that up too.
He never made it to The Spoon and couldn’t bring himself to answer Cyrus’ calls.
*********************
Cyrus had waited for TJ for 2 hours before finally going home. He does not know why TJ ditched him or why he was not answering his calls. He sadly walked home alone.
When he got to his dad’s house, he found all four of his parents waiting in the living room. They all heard what happened at school. They all ended up being so supportive. They were angry that someone took away his right to come out on his own terms.Cyrus was truly lucky in his home situation. They had a huge dinner and even told him he could invite TJ. Unfortunately TJ was not answering his calls. After dinner, his mom and step dad went home and Cyrus went to his room to do some homework and get ready for bed.
At around 11:30, Cyrus was laying bed. He could not get TJ out of his head. He was worried about his boyfriend. He was also angry. TJ said he wouldn’t leave him. Now he was worried that he changed his mind. The pressure from the kids at school was too much for him. A small ting sound broke him away from his thoughts. Someone was knocking lightly on his window.
He turned on a small lamp by his bed. He walked over to the window and slid it open. The figure that was knocking crawls through the window in into the room. When the light hit his face, Cyrus saw it was TJ. He also saw the big bruise forming around his eye and cheek. His heart dropped looking at the older boy. TJ looked like he was about to break. The blond says “I’m sorry I stood you up today….”
“Teej, its okay. What happened to you?” He whispers, scrunching his eyebrows together. He can’t believe someone would do this to him. He didn’t know why TJ was apologizing to him for missing some baby tators when obviously something horrendous happened to him.
“My..my dad. The school called him...I told him I would never breakup with you...and I think...I think he was trying to beat the gay out or something...I don’t know...I just...it just hurts….everything hurts. My body, the way everyone treated me...treated you. What did I do to deserve this? Maybe it’s karma or something for who I used to be…Cyrus, I don’t know if I can take this. I’m not strong enough. I just feel like I want to end everything.” He lets out a sob before the flood wall burst open. The last line slipped out. He didn’t really think he wanted to just kill himself, but it definitely crossed his mind. For the first time today, he let himself just cry. Cyrus pulls him into his arms and pets his hair.
“You didn’t do anything to deserve this. Not everyone is as cool and accepting….and people like to hurt and breakdown those people who are different, who they don’t understand. TJ, you have the most beautiful heart, and there is this light in you that makes me better just from being around you. Please don’t let them take that light from you. Your dad? He is a mean bigoted, jerk. You deserve so much better. Teej, I need you so please don’t hurt yourself, okay? I love you…”
He wasn’t expecting to say that now, but it's what he felt. They have only been dating a month, but he knew he loved TJ back before they confessed. He knew that’s how he felt when TJ looked him in the eyes and said “You’re the only person I can talk to like this.”
Cyrus feels the wet tears soak through his shirt as TJ cries into his shoulder. He hears a mumble, almost too quiet to make out. TJ has whimpered“I love you too Cy….”
They stayed in each other’s embrace for a long time before it hurt to keep crying. That's how they ended up with their fingers intertwined, laying on the ground. Cyrus had pulled TJ to the ground so they could lay together and just take comfort in each other’s presence. Cyrus wasn’t sure how well that was working, as he got more and more upset the longer he stared at the bruises peppering his not-so-scary basketball guy’s skin.
He was not sure how, but he needed to fix all of this for TJ.
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vicsep7250 · 5 years
Text
@ren-amamiyaa and their (he/she?) Golden Heist, Thief Nanako and Cryptid Chaser aus flooded my brain and now Im making this post bc I cant fit all of this in asks!!!
All right, so, idea. Cryptid Chasers, Thief Nanako and Golden Heist are all connected righr???
CC acts as a prequel, TN becomes the inbetween starring Nanako and Akechi, and GH stars a broken and older IT and slightly jaded PT.
So far CC has Yosuke and Naoto forming the brotp that fanon wanted through silly Saturday Night Ghost Chasers Shenanigans, Akiren is bein' a lil shit at midnight bc he needs an outlet and exercise to Phantom Thief. While this goes on, Akechi's ghost/spirit/rement/heart/whatever pulls pranks and shenans along with Joker (hiwever that happens).
As the Cryptid Chasers keep going out of their way to confront Joker about Arsene (bc even he likes to mess around) the other IT in Inaba start to try and stop them from disrupting the peace (read : harassing a known criminal) and this somehow leads to a falling out. Mayhaps Naoto and Yosuke break a few laws and Chie busts them, Kanji wants to know why theyre stalking his student/protege, and Yukiko just wants to keep the rumors about the inn in check bc jfc Yosuke STOP SCREECHING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE LOBBY THERE IS NO GHOST ON THE TV!
Maybe eventually they call it quits or dont bc Naoto dug this hole too deep to climb out themself and Yosuke is having the time of his life since Partner isnt around and hasn't come back to visit yet (Not sayin' souyo is canon and there but-). And the Cryptid Chasers arc probably ends here with there being some animosity towards their shenanigans , but the IT are all still friends.
Now fast forward to like, uhhh (*flings dart at wall of calendars*) 2014 during winter and Akiren's cryptid acts are now fully accepted and maybe exposed, who knows. Nanako is like 10 ~ 12 (P5 is maybe three/five years post P4 I believe) and is just going through the motions of public education. I.E. go to class, do work, get good grades. Dojima is still the same as he was before Yu came but is at least doing better at being a dad, not much but better. Yosuke and Ted aren't around as much bc Junes, Chie is transferred to Tokyo, Yukiko is busy managing the Inn, and Kanji is busy with work (as a teacher and crafts business owner). Rise unfortunately cant come visit and Big Bro now visits every other year.
Nanako starts to look back and wonder how things started to fall apart amongst the group and recalls that "delinquent" who came back at the same time the Cryptid^tm showed up and ruined the group. So now she starts to remember the good times when Big Bro came by and starts to notice some blanks around winter... Why was she in the hospital when she got kidnapled? Why does she remember these weird flashes of Big Bro and his friends and some monster?? And how come she tried to ask them anything about it they brushed her off each time???
The TV in her room flashes and soon she starts hearing things. She starts to move closer to the tv, as if she was in some sort of trance, as the sounds start to become voices to her. When she's directly infront of the screen she sees something... someone on it...
Nanako doesnt show up for breakast, or to school, and nobody seems to have seen her.
A full year passes on after that day. It starts off with a big search party of the IT and Social Links for the first two months, then after ankther three something stange happens... are people forgetting that Nanako existed or something? Everybody's starting to act like completely different peoplw than who they are too, some even end up hospitalozed due to severe headaches and such, and start claiming that Nanako was never around when she vanished or that she left Inaba or was already deamed dead or missing. This rings alarms in the IT's mimds as they search for answers, eventually all fully reuniting for the first time in years/months.
Naoto and Yosuke blame themselves bc they piece together her disappearance with the Cryptid + Ghost case and immediately get scolded for trying to pin their stupid kids game on a missing person's case - especially now with Nanako missing and possibly in danger again! Afterwards the IT are a bit on edge and a bit broken with the whole thing. Meanwhile Akechi can hear the tale ends of "missing person" and "literal disappearnace" and starts looking into this weird limbo metaverse he's in bc some shit is kinda fucked in here now for some reason. They're pretty much only together as a team to rescue Nanako.
GH in the PTs POV starts when Akiren invites the group to the Amagi Inn thanks to licrative money grin- I mean training. He comes clean into having seen something weird on the tv one late night and wants to let the gang know.
Midnight rolls around and Akechi shows up on the screen and the Thieves losing their shit is an understatement - numerous noise complaints were filed that night. Anyways Akechi decides to just play the role of "hey moron, some shits fucked come help fix it" and ends up informing them of a missing girl and this weird TV Mementos world he is in.
I would like to note that Akechi is not at all bitter or confused at everyone's circumstances in life, no of course not Joker stop crying I know its been a while but shutup theres a kid in trouble rn and youre the only ones who can possibly help her.
When the PT figure out a plan to reach this other world Goro is in (Arsene : THOUARTTHEESTICKYOURHANDINTHETVDOITDOITDOITDOIT) the IT eventually come to the very sad conclusion that Nanako moght be in the TV world and that opens a whole can of worms and burnable bridges to cross.
While in the TV world, I'd like to imagine that due to Akechi having been there for a good while it has been shaped to reflect his heart and be the new overall theme of that world. It all still looks like Inaba, but it all holds themes to Akechi and his no good terrible life. However due to Nanako having been in that world as a kid, and now for an uncertain amount of time, the world now holds motifs to the Heaven area from P4, but it's all sorta ruined and kinda darker.
When both teams get together and enter the weird Tele-Mentos world (IT in a Junes storage and PT at either Ren's pad [bc he moved out obvi] (OR bith teams enter from seperate TVs at the Inn so SHENANS!)) Yu and the IT go through Akechi's influenced world/TV Palace, finding out about his tragic backstory and involvement with the PT, but anything that can and could reveal their true identities is blurred and staticy or missing bc Akechi aint gonna snitch out who ruined his sperm donors life (also I guess saved the world too yeah). While going through the Palace the Team starts to think that finding Goro will just be an "if it happens" sort of deal bc he's been missing for years already, what if we just leave him here bc M U R D E R E R.
Cue a sudden appearance by someone in some sort of fallen angel garb who starts whipping out a full on Metal Gear Villain monologue about how hypocritical the IT are when they find the truth about Akechi's life and disappearance - they claimed to want to live in a world where no one hides in the fig, was that all a lie? Are they going back on their word, and hiding behind a shriud of lies and falsehoods once more? "You've gone and lied and hidden the truth already, what's to say you won't continue?"
Meanwhile Akiren and the Thieves enter at the very top of the Heaven TV Set and have to climb all the way down. As they do so they start seeing little murals or epitaphs about memories and people in this girls life. They see all of these memories of a happy girl who had such a loving family - both found and by blood. As they go further and further down the ruins start to look like an actual Heaven, and the scenary becomes more bright and colorful. Eventually they might run into Crow in his Black Mask clothes and give the bastard a slug on the arm and a group hug or two, bc man he doesn't deserve to suffer anymore like this.
Now that the Phantom Thieves have been reunited (Akechi : I can't leave this world The PT : FUCK, MORE PLOT) they end up thinking up ways to get Akechi out until this weird angel priest looking dude shows up and starts babling about how they are criminals and how they've done more bad than good and blah blah blah. Everyone is just all "We're the good guys, we do the right thing even if its morally grey/ambiguous!" and oh look! Another crazed maniac wants to kill us for our "injustice" *Crow has the decency to look away and not say anything* annnnnnd Heaven is locked off. Perfect.
Now maybe the Phantom Thieves and Investigation Team run into each other somewhere in Akechi's Palace and "You have Personas?!?!" "The hell is a Palace?" "YOU'RE THE CRYPTID OF INABA!!?!?" "And Im the 'Ghost' that follows him." "Wait you followed me as a ghost?" "WAIT WHY ARE THERE TWO AKECHIS??!??!!"
Oh yeah, Shadows... Akechi is still kinda in denial about the whole friends and justice thing...
And now the Dark Priest is back great ("Good name Skull" "Well I've got my moments right?").
Annnnnnnd now I have no idea what happens next and Im all burned out but AAAAAAAAA this entire AU crossover thing is so GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
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oldloveatz · 5 years
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mommy and me | hongjoong
— TYPE: one shot, super fluff, uncle!hongjoong
— WORD COUNT: 1.6k
— SYNOPSIS: hongjoong was sent to a mommy and me class with his niece, and he finds a beautiful girl with a little boy in the same class as he was.
— AUTHOR’S MESSAGE: i also,, got this idea from fuller house and bc i don’t really have anything for hongjoong yet so here it is!!
— WARNING: not a md/lb fic
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“hongjoong! please, can you take goeun to the mommy and me class?” hongjoong’s sister asked, a small sparkly backpack in hand and a small little girl in another. hongjoong came down to visit for a few days, but maybe relaxing isn’t an option for the day. he got up, no questions asked and took goeun and her pink sparkly backpack from his sister’s hand. “i’ll text you the address, she’s almost late!”
“what’s the rush?” hongjoong asked, leading goeun to the front door. goeun, however, had been silent the entire time as her frantic mother snatched her shoes from the drawer by the door. “gayoung, is it work?”
“yes! it’s work,” she responded in an exclamatory way. “i’m so sorry, sweetheart, i forgot that mommy has work today. is it okay if uncle hongjoong takes you instead?”
goeun nodded and hugged gayoung before she fled for work. hongjoong followed soon after, goeun’s small hand in hongjoong’s bigger hand. he opened the door and assisted his niece in the backseat, making sure she was in the carseat safe and sound with her backpack right next to her. he stopped for a moment, turning to goeun to have a small chat with her. “this is uncle’s first time attending a mommy and me class, and you’re gonna have to help uncle with what to do. okay? ah, you’re so cute.”
his phone vibrated, and it was a text from his sister about the address. hongjoong shut the door and made his way around the car, silently cursing in his head that he couldn’t relax for the day.
and they were on the road to the class. music blasting from the radio, and to his surprise goeun wasn’t crying in the back. maybe she woke up on the good side of her small little bed this morning. the thought of goeun waking up from her cute little bed made hongjoong’s insides go fuzzy, he loved his niece.
“ah, is this it?” he asked himself, eyes squinting through his glasses to make sure that he was in the right place, otherwise it would have been embarrassing. “okay, this is it.” hongjoong went ahead to find himself a parking lot, he was beginning to feel nervous about coming to a stranger’s house for a said mommy and me class. what do they even do? is he going to be the only guy? “alright, goeun, are you ready?”
“i’m ready!” she chimed, a wide smile on her face that became the reason why hongjoong’s heart melted. he got out of the car and assisted goeun yet again to get out of her carseat and out of the car. “my backpack!”
“oh, right! your backpack,” hongjoong said in a forgetful manner. he reached in and grabbed the pink sparkly backpack and slung it on his shoulder, closing the door and locking it before fixing goeun’s little black dress and taking her hand. “you know the kids here, right?”
“yes,” she simply replied.
he nodded, feeling assured that maybe he won’t be as lost as he thought he would be. he knocked on the door, greeted immediately by a woman who looked rather surprised that a young man showed up at her door. “who are you.. exactly?”
“oh! i’m um- h-hongjoong, i’m goeun’s uncle,” he stammered, plastering a nervous smile. “my sister had to go to work- she forgot she had work.”
“oh! welcome back, goeun!” the woman greeted, and goeun was gone in an instant. hongjoong watched her little figure run inside the quaint house. he smiled and bowed his head, walking in the house after goeun. “my name is ahseong, i hold all of the mommy and me classes here.”
hongjoong’s eyes travelled from the floor to the ceiling of the house, nodding to what ahseong was telling him. he took in all of the pieces and furnitures of the house, from the bigger pieces to the smaller ones. he took note of how the living room had a number of family pictures, either on tables or the walls. it was nearly similar to his home.
ahseong led him to the backyard, where a group of female adults gathered with children running around the garden. he stepped out, eyes blinded by the sun now coming out. the ladies all turned to him, and he froze for a second. ahseong followed after him, introducing him to the ladies with such delight.
“this is hongjoong! gayoung’s uncle,” ahseong said, her hand resting on hongjoong’s shoulder. the ladies smiled and waved at him, saying their hi’s and hello’s. hongjoong went to walk himself to where they were, already feeling a bit awkward knowing he was the only guy there.
“gayoung is such a delight,” one of the ladies said, a few of them agreeing. hongjoong found himself conversing comfortably about his niece, laughing and complimenting the children. he got to know the five ladies in the group, although one girl showed up with a little boy in the garden.
“i am so sorry, we’re late!” she huffed, placing the boy’s blue and red backpack on the table with the rest of the backpacks. she made her way to the group, dusting her hoodie and composing herself.
hongjoong found himself not being able to take his eyes off of her.
she looked about his age, and she was cute- that he knows. he was genuinely interested in the girl. ahseong did the honors and introduced her to hongjoong, bowing his head and nodding in acknowledgment. “hongjoong, this is y/n. she’s the same age as you so, i bet both of you can relate on something!”
“i bet we can,” hongjoong said, chuckling right afterwards and praying to god that he wasn’t making anything or everything awkward. he was already mentally slapping himself for even letting such chuckle. ahseong left both hongjoong and y/n alone, busying herself with the kids. of course, this left hongjoong in quite a panic. “so.. is the little boy yours..?”
she laughed upon hearing hongjoong’s question, which made him want to bury himself to the ground. at the same time, his heart skipped a few beats when he heard her laugh, it was adorable. if he had the chance to tell her that her laugh was cute, he would even if she says she hates it and that it sounds like a dying whale (don’t even try me we’ve all said that phrase at least once in our life). is this what falling in love feels like? 
“no, he’s my nephew, actually,” she said, her lips pulling into a smile after her fit of laughter. hongjoong nodded, taking in the information that she also has a nephew like him, except hongjoong has a niece. “his name is andrew. i know, very typical.”
hongjoong watched the little boy she came in with, how he and goeun played with each other during the mommy and me class. maybe he’d learn a lot of things regarding child care in this class, and maybe he’d learn a lot of things about y/n.
the class were fine, hongjoong obviously had to engage in something he had never done before. goeun was there to help him, and she got a lot of laughs from her uncle hongjoong. and before he knew it, the class was already over.
“uncle hongjoongie,” goeun’s little voice called from his side. he adjusted the hot pink strap of her sparkly backpack on his shoulder and held her small hand, looking down at her with a hum as a response. “i want mcdonald’s.”
“we’ll buy mcdonald’s on the way home, how’s that?” hongjoong suggested, opening the front door for goeun to exit. to his surprise, he ended up holding it for all of the mommies- even y/n. she let andrew walk out with goeun for extra play time, and hongjoong’s heart started beating madly. “oh, hey!”
“thank you all for coming!” ahseong exclaimed, arms spread out as she ushered hongjoong and y/n out of her house and walk them to their cars. hongjoong really wanted to ask y/n for her number, in case there’s another mommy and me class and she would be attending. “have a safe trip!”
“hey,” y/n said, walking to the car parked right next to hongjoong’s. “goeun is a delightful girl. and she’s adorable!”
hongjoong smiled at her kind words, debating whether or not he asks for her number now or when the topic of goeun passes over. oh, what the hell. “thanks, i’ll let gayoung know you guys said that. actually.. i- uhm.. m-may i have your number?”
she paused, staring at his face and this fueled hongjoong’s embarrassment. out of all the places he could’ve asked for her number, it’s a mommy and me class. hongjoong looked away, feeling a tad bit humiliated that she asked a girl for her phone number. he doesn’t even know if she’s single!
“okay,” she said, and hongjoong’s body was washed with relief.
“hang on one second,” hongjoong excused himself, opening the door to buckle goeun in her car seat before he forgets. y/n, on the other hand, watched and observed him. she watched how he communicated with his niece as he made sure she was secured in the car seat. hongjoong pulled away and shut the door, turning back to y/n who was leaning against his car this time. he handed her his phone, unlocked and everything.
“you’re very willing to give your phone to me,” she said as she input her number into his contacts. while she was at it, she named her contact in her own accord and even chose a picture from his gallery. he didn’t seem too fazed by it. “what if i run off with it?”
“why would you, though?” hongjoong said. she returned his phone with the contact info on the screen, and he chuckled at the picture she chose. “thank you for putting in your name.”
“no problem,” she said, pulling away from his car and heading to get into hers. she turned one last time to him, “i’ll expect a text?”
“you will.”
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tenecity · 6 years
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from haters to lovers; zhu zhengting
from haters to lovers—a series where nine percent and you have the cliche, typical love story
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warning: mentions of gender discrimnation
sosososososososo after much procrastination, crying and cracking my head, i finally got someth to possibly hate abt zzt hell yes god
also! taking into consideration tt china is still a v much conservative society, gender discrimnation is everywhere and rlly, as of yet, cant b helped
so which is why, imagine ure a chinese woman you found it weird, almost distasteful that a boy would be in yr dance class
i mean, guys are suppose to be strong people, doing more physical stuff like wushu or smth, and then there’s this boy here, doing pointe and perfect turns
“zhu zhengting is here!!!! oml doesn’t he look like a fairy?” your best friend tugs your sleeve as she discreetly point to the said boy. you roll your eyes. youre tired of this whole rave about him. literally, the entire class fangirls abt him; and apparently, it is not just for his looks, for also for his dance
spsjssjnsnsbs hE IS SO ELEGANT
you wld nvr admit it, but ok i guess ure borderline jealous.
i mean, his lines r clean, force controlled in his movements, perfect timing for rushed movements and then he slows down with such grace that you will never have 
but its still irks you, that a boy should dance so softly and gracefully. doesn’t seem to sit well with your traditional thinking 
so anyway, sidenote! you suck at turns wowww so coincidental
and every lesson, you usually would stay back just to practice it and you always end up with bruises and what nots as you fall repeatedly, no one there to catch you when you fall 
somehow, zhengting stays back today as well, rehearsing his main role in the upcoming performance, “swan lake” 
and you can’t keep your eyes off his figure 
it is mesmerising, how he can convey emotions, feelings, an entire story, through mere movements of the arms and legs. you observe how his every move is calculated, strength justttt the right amount that it looks elegant instead of overly powerful. 
and then you stare at the mirror and you sigh. probably why you only got a minor role in the performance. 
shaking your head, trying to push all those nonsensical thoughts out of your brain, you continue trying to turn, but you just can’t find the balance
yixing: balance baLanCe bALANCE
once again, your arms aren’t fully stretched out and it creates an imbalance, causing you to once again, fall backwards, out of turn 
you shut your eyes, bracing yourself for the impact
but it doesn’t come 
surprise surprise
eyelids fluttering open slowly, you realise just how close your are to zhengting, his ragged breath from his exhausting rehearsal fan across your face, inevitably making them the colour of cherries.
“you ok?” he softly asks, as he lowers you down.
“...yea im fine.” you mumble, head bowed.
“....do you need help with the turns?” 
“....”
“you know, you’re almost there. its just the part at the 180 degree mark, where you have to pull in your hands. your arms don’t always cross, or are pulled in too fast, which breaks your flow and speed and causes you to fall out of turn.” 
how does he know? bc he has been looking at you, dumbass
also i hve no idea how accurate this is i suck at body anatomy
you nod slowly. he makes sense. and its true, you always fall when you are just about to spin to the opposite side.
getting up, your arms are poised, ready to try again. 
andddd they become frigid as hands land on your middle, firm and supportive.
“look, its not even straight here. you need it to be 90 degrees here, before you can even start turning.” he adjusts you accordingly.
“im going to spin you slowly, and we try to perfect each section, ok?” 
he spins you slowly, your arms closing in in slow motion. he corrects you at certain parts, one hand leaving your waist as he repositions yr arm.
and now, ure facing him, head bowed as a flush colours your cheeks when u realise how close the two of u r. a slight movement will just allow yr lips to brush against his.
but of course his hand is steady as hell and he just turns you slowly and you face the other direction
which, makes ur stomach churn and disappointment flows thru u????
so skipskip next scene
its after class and ure packing up when u hear some commotion at the corridor
n u follow ur busybody classmates
u can barely see who is shouting bc u a cute shortie :)
but u recognise the voice
"NO i'm staying dad. this is what i want to do."
"No, no, no. teacher, im v sorry, but i will like to pull my son out of this dance class now. i will pay the rest of the fees, but he will not be performing that stupid recital-” 
“i am performing, dad.” the voice is calm and collected and you try to tiptoe, just barely catching sight of the brown locks
“no u r not. zhu zhengting, u r a boy, u cannot do this kind of girly things! it makes u look v 娘* do you know that? a disgrace, an utter disgrace!”
the voice rings as everyone falls silent, heads turning towards zhengting, waiting for his response to the harsh comment. 
“i will prove to you that there is nothing to be ashamed of.” he quietly says, bowing and turning his heel, head held high, with no sign of regret or disappointment 
as you watch the figure go, everything falls together like pieces of a puzzle
why he works so hard 
why when it already seems perfect enuf, he still practices, saying there is still space for improvement 
why he was so desperate to get the main role 
he wanted to b in the spotlight and give a flawless performance bc he wanted to prove to his father, that boys dont have to b restrained to a singular activity and stereotype. they can do whatever they want, so long as they like it 
guilt washes over u as u watch his father storm after his son, realising that this man is a reflection of you
new found respect is the word u will use on zhengting. 
everyone applauds him. an art form shld never be restricted to a gender.
ur heart opens up to him more, and admiration for him blooms as u watch him place high expectations on himself, doing a particular move over and over again, even tho in your eyes, it alr seems perfect enuf
just like how he is to you; perfect and flawless
its addicting to watch him. his pale arms, his clean movements, his strong legs, his silky brown locks, the way his eyes sparkle when he talks about dance, the way the edges crinkle when he laughs, the way he is so bubbly about everything.
and he starts to take notice of you too, helping you to readjust properly, telling you tricks and tips on how to keep perfect balance, how to put the correct about of strength into a movement. 
for the next few weeks, you end up gg hme later than usual, staying bck with more than an hour just to spend time with him, and not gg to lie, you r falling for him 
but... you kinda don’t rlly knw i mean 
he’s nice to everyone
what makes you so special?
anywayyyyyyy
FINALLY RECITAL DAY WOOHOO
everyone’s pretty hyped about it
but u knw the main dancers will be extremely nervous and u decide to go find zhengting in his dressing room, just to give him assurance, if he needs any.
“zhengting?”
“hmmm?” he says (???) as he turns around and oMLORD JESUS CHRIST IS HE A BEAUT
the eyeshadow makes him look sultry, the foundation emphasising how his skin is flawless and hydrated, his eyebrows strong and dark, a true prince indeed
he snaps his fingers, pulling u out of yr trance. “did you want to say anything?” u hear a hint of hope and u almost smirk 
“uh...you look good? and good luck.” you mumble, tripping over your words, unused to a god-like creature looking at u with such intensity in his dark eyes
“what did you say?” he teases, cheekiness flowing through his words
“i said,” you clear your throat. “you look good and good luck for your performance
how you wish to wipe that smirk off that face, if not for the fact that u secretly find it EXTREMELY HOT and your cheeks are flaring red at the sight of it.
“if u want to wish me good luck,” he leans forward. flirtatious. “how about a kiss on the cheek?” 
you roll your eyes and try to push him away but he is quick to grab your hands and stop them midway, intertwining your cold, clammy ones with his own.
“please?” 
“fine,” you try to sound nonchalant but the nervousness is so evident that u see the smirk creeping up his face again.
lips barely brush over the smooth skin and you pull away, blood surging upwards into the blood vessels of your face.
“bye,” you want nothing more than to dig a hole and hide your burning face 
“see you afterwards?” 
but u’ve already rushed out and he chuckles to himself, warmth oozing thru his being, and his cheeks flush as he thinks about the kiss you give him. 
he will definitely have to find you later to give you a proper one ;)
you guys wld b cute buBS UWU
my endings suck dbhasdjbfhjdbkjf
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newromanticsswift · 6 years
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🎧
🎧 have you ever met taylor? tell the story!yes i have!! so back in early 2014, taylor would always reply to people in instagram and like their pictures/comment etc so i remember one day i posted a picture of my wall and a picture of me and my friend at the red tour and she liked both and commented “this is so cute!” on the picture of me and my friend and i kid you not i literally SCREAMED and ran down the stairs and i was crying so much my family had no idea what was going on and it’s now like a lil joke my family and they always bring it up lol so anyway a week later i posted a selfie on my instagram with this long ass caption, thanking taylor for all she had done for me (this turned into a private joke with some of the 2014 instagram people bc it was cringy but tbh i still mean every word lol anyway if any of them see this and send it to me DON’T jk love u) so yeah i guess that was when she picked me for the 1989 secret session. She liked a few of my pictures from then until October. Come October 7th (I think?) taylornation follows me on instagram and i didn’t even notice, someone sent me a DM being like congrats!!! and at this point, it was the last secret session so if you got a follow you basically knew what was happening (although my anxious ass literally didn’t realise until she walked into the room bc i didn’t think something like this could happen to me lol). So anyway i was on my DMs reading this message from the person who told me they followed me and then this message from fucking taylornation came through being like hey we love ur account pls send us ur name, address, phone number and age etc to this email. i didn’t actually have a phone at this point bc i was getting a new one so i have them my dads phone number (he ended up getting a call from them and they were like we’ll call u back when ur with Amy). So they call me two days later and are like there’s this secret event happening, we can’t tell you when or where until you sign this contract and can confirm you’re coming and so they email me all of that and they tell me the times and a password to say at the hotel so the staff know where to direct me when I get there. So anyway come October 10th, I got up super early, laid out all my make up and outfit, went to school and I finished early so I got home but I was locked out lol so i kinda had to rush and on top of that I was so nervous my hand was shaking so my eyeliner was something else loooool. So me and my dad travel to the hotel (I had to take him bc I was under 18), the whole time I’m thinking what if I’m the only one there what if they’re just giving us merch and then we leave bc it’s international and all the other secret sessions have been in America bc like I said, I didn’t think something this good would happen to me. But when we arrive, I see sooooo many people I recognise from instagram, these girls Zoe and Lauren (you probably know them) were there and taylor had liked so many of their photos so I knew it was a secret session then. We check in all our bags give them the contracts and we get escorted up to the suite. There’s a huge table of food and cushions on the floor all facing towards this chair with a table and a speaker on top. We all run towards the cushions (there were only 20 of us) and I sit on the second row directly in front of the chair and a few minutes later, fucking TAYLOR SWIFT WALKS INTO THE ROOM SO NONCHALANTLY and is just like “hey guys” and sits down on the chair. She explains to us what’s going on, that it’s the last secret session and tells us to use the hashtag #1989secretsessions afterwards which was so fkin cute and soft. So we listen to the album and since I’m directly opposite her we make eye contact so much and in all you had to do was stay, she points to me in the bit after the bridge and sings “all you had to do was STAY! and it’s literally just so perfect I wanna go back so badly lol. So then we all dance to shake it off and she’s like I’m gonna go fix my make up guys brb and we all go back to the table with food and talk about the album and stuff. Then she comes back in, and we get sent in groups of 5 and me being an impatient and acceptable ass, I’m like I’ll go first hehehe so I’m in the first group (with @just-tswift) and we all one by one meet taylor. I walk up to her and she’s like hi! You’re outfit is so cute while hugging me and I’m like literally lost for words and i was honestly so starstruck because she’s so beautiful and fucking TALL as hell and we end up talking about fashion and she compares herself to a baby giraffe lol and then she’s like what do you want to do for your picture? So I’m like sjssisks idk bc I’m still in shock and she ends up taking all the stuff off this sofa and she’s like you sit down there and she deadass sits down next to me and just goes “and I’m going to put my legs over you like this” and anyway if u look at my picture the shocked face is like….a genuine reaction to her just casually sitting next to me with her legs over me lol. So then we take a picture with my dad too and I leave. In all honestly it was the best night of my entire existence. I didn’t say much to her and I regret that so much (if u know me u know how much I talk about how angry I am that I didn’t say much) but just the sheer generosity and kindness from her, and the happiness I felt for those few hours is something I’m so unconditionally grateful for. Like honestly I could never thank her enough for inviting me and wanting me there. Sorry this was so long as you can tell i’m still not over it and never will be and i just love taylor so much i wish her nothing but happiness and i hope one day i will be able to actually tell her how much she’s done for me and how much she’s impacted my life in a positive way bc its literally irreplaceable and iwsmsjsksks i love her so much sorry for the essay
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justinjohn · 6 years
Text
Questionnaire.
I started a new job.  They asked me to fill out a questionnaire for the website. So I did.  Here it is. Hi, my name is Justin. Now you can learn a little more about me:
1. My go to morning commute song is: Dirrty by Christina Aguilera. 2. If I could learn any skill, it would be: Cleaning a glass table without leaving a streak on either side. 3. My first job was: Grocery store bagger / cart return / cookie-aisle stock person, in chief. 4. As a kid, I always got in trouble for: Jumping on neighbors' trampolines without their permission. 5. The last thing I ate was: A frozen dinner that tasted like the plastic film on top. 6. My go to karaoke song is: All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey, but year round. 7. My friends describe me as: Passionate, Peppy, and Persistent 8. My biggest pet peeve: When women wear glasses down the aisle at their own wedding. 9. My guilty pleasure tv show is: 90-day Fiance. Because watching other peoples' relationships fall apart on national TV makes me feel better about my own. 10. Longest I have gone without sleep was when: The entire decade of my 20s in New York. 11. The top thing on my bucket list is: Finding my inner Geisha in Japan.Or Drinking wine until my teeth turn purple in the french countryside. 12. Pancakes or waffles: Pancakes. Unless the waffle has whipped cream and strawberries. The sometimes waffle. Occasionally toast, but only with something savory and ideally with a rameken of butter and fresh preserves and NOT the packets. 13. My weirdest family tradition is: We still go to Disneyworld every few years for Thanksgiving, even though we're now all in our late 30s / 40s / have our own children. 14. My favorite family tradition is: Every year before Christmas we spend a weekend 'downtown' Chicago, like we grew up on a farm and celebrate urban life once a year. 15. My movie rating would be: PG13 for some language and slight nudity. 16. I am most afraid of: When someone locks me in a bathroom and shouts "Bloody Mary" over and over again. 17. My strangest talent is: Guessing peoples' nationalities / not to be confused with racism. 18. I cant believe I used to wear: A huge cross choker for 3 out of 4 years of college. 19. I have a phobia of: 1. Crocs. 2. Women in leggings as pants. 3. pleated khakis
20. My friends call me: Stanks. Flattering.  21. My favorite tv show as a child was: Home Shopping Network 22. My hidden talent is: Readily falling asleep at any moment in time, given 3-5 minutes of extended silence or darkness. 23. Worst hair style I’ve had was: The "Caesar", circa 6th grade. Or when kids used to part their hair parted down the middle in the 90s, which was not actually a 'style’ but more a ‘phenomenon.’ 24. This movie always makes me cry: Fifty Shades of Gray. 25. I can’t function without: 1. CNN. 2. anti-depressants 3. coffee 26. I was named after: Justin Bieber. Just kidding he could be my child. 27. My favorite local restaurant is: Chipotle..? 28. My favorite Disney movie is: The Incredibles. 29. If I was an animal I would be: A Liger. 30. I am a master at cooking: Frozen, microwaveable food. 31. The trend/fad I wish would come back is: Spandex. Ideally neon. 32. My favorite summer activity is: Drinking alcohol. But, outside..? 33. My first pet was (include name): Melissa the cat. 34. I wish I could eat (blank) for every meal: Queso from Uncle Julio, the chain. I would happily eat my way out of a vat if I had to. 35. My strangest childhood hobby was: Dressing up as a clown and hiding under my parents' bed until they went to sleep. 35 B. Something you do not know about me is: I killed my parents.     Just kidding, how about: I lost first place in my school-wide spelling bee in the eighth grade because I misspelled the word "eighth." 37. Worst date I’ve been on was when: 1. The person afterward asked me if I was doing cocaine the entire time. 2. A first date urinated on my living room floor, is now my boyfriend of 4 years. 38. Worst gift I’ve received: A gift certificate to a massage parlor that may have been an escort service. 39. Best gift I’ve received: A gift certificate to a massage parlor that may have been an escort service. 40. If I had a superpower it would be: Finding where all the missing socks go in a wash cycle. 41. The one place I’ve always wanted to visit is: Nutella headquarters. 42. My favorite vacation was when: My mom had to drive a stick-shift, 9-person van on the other side of the road through the Scotland countryside and nearly killed our entire family at once. 43. Last purchase was: Bar-bell weights. So I can stop doing squats with a Le Creuset filled with water in front of the TV. 44. My hometown is: Lemont, Illinois, the Village of Faith. 45. My favorite scene in any movie is: When Lexie Featherston falls out of the window in that Sex in the City episode. (or if thats cheating bc it's TV..): When Joy realizes that she can't experience happiness without Sadness.  #optimismindepression. 
46. My favorite holiday tradition is: 1. Covering up the label on my pumpkin spice latte so people don't think I'm basic. 2. Cider 47. My first concert was: Spice Girls, eighth grade. 48. Unique or quirky habit: Light and varied manifestations of OCD. 49. If I could describe myself in three words, they would be: Unwaveringly, steadfastly inconsistent. 50. Best Halloween costume I’ve ever worn was: Custom tailored white Elvis jumpsuit with deluxe wig. 51. My Hero Is: My mom.  52. You would never guess I: Weighed the same weight I do now at age 9. 53. My Spirit Animal is: Chrissy Teigen on Twitter.
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braywashed · 7 years
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anyway at some point i should probably ramble about my trip to boston?? so i’m gonna go ahead and do that??
like right off the bat let me just say the worst [art was actually GETTING to mass. my train was supposed to leave at 9:55am, and around 7:50 i got a text saying it was delayed until 1:03pm. we arrived around noon, and gradually my anxiety about going on the trip turned into anxiety of NOT getting on the trip as the board kept delaying... and delaying... and delaying...
....and then it started pouring out. crazy wind. murmurs the train lost signal and all contact with the station. after i finally got on (at 3:00pm), my aunt texted me that all that? yeah. that was a tornado warning. wat.
i got a pair of seats to myself for most of trip. fought with my wifi. listened to the crazy lady rant about dope ruining america a few rows back. mostly enjoyed the view and basked in the fact that i was not, shockingly, puking my stomach lining out. until we got to utica, and a shit ton of people got on.
my seat buddy then became an almost cute 18 year old dude with dreads and a lower half trash polka sleeve who was more interested in his earbuds than anything so i was fine with this. until we were about to MA and a few exchanged word and lazy lounging around turned into him doing THING guys think is cute where they lowkey rub your skin with the side of their finger against my thigh. so i ended up sitting up and the next stop he moved his shit to another seat. YEAH BYE.
along the way we kept having to stop bc signal problems and track construction and letting other trains pass. needless to say the train that was supposed to get in at like 8pm got in at at like 2:30am.
it was miserable, and raining. rachel got us an uber and i sat in the back seat next to some chick wh was super pretty and dressed up and here i was, a goblin, smelling like train restoom, in an ill fitting deadpool hoodie and yoga pants.
when we got to her place she made me some ramen (WITH THE RANDOM EGG AND EVERYTHING) that was good but spicy af and my stomach noped out and tbh over a week later my stomach is just now letting me eat properly again. tho i’m blaming this more on the issues with my abdomen acting up prior to leaving than the actual trip (tho, my skin having pores the size of actual craters i am blaming on the trip). i think the one thing we ate that DIDN’T act up in my body was the awful chicken wings we got from Wings Over that were about half fat and ridiculously undercooked. it figures.
ANYWAY. her futon is huge. it’s sad that i have more leg room on a futon than an actual mattress, but whatever. and there was construction going on across the street. fun fact: i came home to construction going on on MY street. so this was inescapable from the jump.
day 1 i got cute as possible and we hopped a bus and a train. my stomach was less forgiving of the motion here, but i lived. i saw Ron, the T-Rex. and we went to the isabella gardner museum where she lied and said i was a student. i was then asked a bunch of questions about being a student, none of which i was prepared for, and i’m pretty sure the only reason they let me in was because my zip code was accurate. that place is massive and pretty gorgeous from head to toe and i can’t fathom ever being that fucking rich.
then we went to get some food at a nifty little bar and restaurant . the name is escaping me rn but i stole a coaster. again, the food did not agree with me, and i could do a review on boston restrooms at this point. but it was great.
NINJA SEX PARTY! the house of blues wasn’t as bad as reviews made it sound, and aside from the mess that was the merch table they we kind of cheated like assholes due to some pretty honest confusion, was a good time. the line was MASSIVE. we got there an hour early and it was already around the corner and hard to miss. by the time we got towards the front of the building, it was around the block. we met a couple younger dudes from maine and a significantly more awkward gentleman more our age to keep us entertained. there were some street musicians. some asshole staff. you know.
all i really have to say about the concert itself was it was probably the best live music show of any kind i’ve ever been to and definitely the most enjoyable environment (huge tall dude who kept, somehow, ending up directly in front of me aside). everyone sounded amazing live, even if we were RIGHT under the speaker stage left and now permanently have bass vibrations embedded in our bones.
day two we hit up the museum of fine arts, which is massive and we didn’t see all of (and i paid full price for, thank you very much) and then grabbed a pizza and those awful wings and intended to chill out with some boy meets world. but the disks wouldn’t play. so we settled on mst3k. and let me tell you, i have not nearly cried from laughter in something as much as ‘cry wilderness’ nearly made me fucking cry.
day three we headed to south station to meet probes and hung out. there were a bunch of food trucks outside that were kinda neat. we didn’t think that girl would ever fucking find us, but she did. everything was OKAY. NO NEED TO PANIC. NO FIVE HOUR DELAYS. jess gives massive hugs, for the record.
we hit up a spot for lunch where they served be like, the biggest plate of pasta and bread i have ever witnessed in my life. i felt wasteful only eating barely half of it. then we found our way to the trains and the aquarium just in time for some sweet penguin education and eventually a lecture on their huge ass fucking tank that takes up the entire center of the room with a 90 year old sea turtle in it and some sharks and string rays. it was pretty cool, yo.  i got a stuffed squid in the gift shop, even tho we did not see any giant squids (0/10 do not recommend) and outside jess gave me a present even though i fucking told everyone no presents (RAChEL ALSO GAVE ME NAIL POLISH AND A WRISTBAND WTF). it was a new day candy bar from fye. and yes, pop rocks n chocolate is surprisingly pleasant.
our PLAN was to go see hitmans bodyguard. but everyone showing it before like 7 was only showing 3d, and we wanted to get her on a bus home by 9. haha what fucking suckers @ us, because the bus didn’t leave until like 10. so we got shitty milkshakes, hit up the comic shop, and wandered around harvard for a bit until it got dark. and then were stuck at south station, wondering if she was going to be stuck in MA forever. reflecting on two quiet nerds and one extrovert being a not great possible combination of three people. but i still had a good time.
day 4 we did, in fact, see hitmans bodyguard and while it was mostly forgettable summer action lulz, i do ship the hell out of samuel l jackson and salma hayek now. so that’s cool. it was a fun time. hit up the park after, and a b&n to get schooled on peak writing stephen king. then we went to starbucks and i HAD STARBUCKS FOR THE FIRST TIME?? it was the double choc ship frap thing. it’s good. i’m mad about it.
we headed back, did laundry, ordered food. i ought her dream daddy, which was a waste of money, but i do take pride in just knowing she’s stuck having technically played a portion of dream daddy now. it’s her own fault for asking about it, it really is. mostly we watched more mst3k, some grumps shit, some random shit, some postmodern jukebox, had a drink. just chilled. and the ‘oh... fuck... haha... i have to go home tomorrow’ feeling hit when i turned off the lights.
i was too bummed the next day for much of anything tbh. i get depressed after anything fun. i get depressed after wwe shows, lmao, so for the trip to already be over when it suddenly seemed like i just got there sucked. plus it only just then really hit me i was in a different part of the country, if that makes sense even if it was only one state over. it was a weird realization as someone who never travels to have.
the train home i wasn’t so lucky to be alone most of it. i ended up in an aisle seat with a college girl. we minded our own business. stuck directly under the AC that was way too cold. a woman and a fucking baby sitting the next row over the second any space cleared out. had a layover in albany where an old guy made me a shot of iced chocolate espresso which he had never been asked to make before, and truthfully, i’d never had before, but it was alright. i actually enjoyed the layover as some weird, space between spaces, time to reflect on my own in an unfamiliar place kind of thing.
we got in around midnight, my aunt picked me up. got home around one.
that was that.
i had a really good time. i’m sure it didn’t seem that way. i’m like that. but i did and i appreciated the opportunity and definitely appreciated rachel for letting me freeload on her futon and showing me around and making me ramen i felt guilty for not finishing.
the city was nice. i’m sure i was only seeing the nicer parts, mind you, but compared to rochester or buffalo it just felt wider, cleaner. idk. i didn’t HATE it, and as someone who hates being in cities for more than a couple hours, it wasn’t bad.
it was a great time away from the world and despite the stress of coming home to everything, and a room without molding on the door (which was, for the record, still locked), i did feel a lot better afterwards. i still do.
=)
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iloveroadhog · 7 years
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(THE USER SUBMITTING THIS ASKED ME TO LEAVE THIS ANONYMOUS, SO I’M REPOSTING IT!)
REPOSTED MESSAGE IS BELOW, UNDER THE READMORE
WARNING FOR: PARENTAL ABUSE, GASLIGHTING AND PARENTAL NEGLECT OF THEIR CHILD’S MENTAL/PHYSICAL WELLBEING.
I’M GLAD YOU FINALLY MADE THE DECISION TO GO ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND GET AWAY FROM THE TOXICITY, LOVEY!!! IT TAKES A LOT OF COURAGE TO STAND UP AND MAKE THAT KIND OF CHOICE AND I’M BEHIND YOU 100%!!!
BEING PREPARED AND MAKING SURE YOU’RE READY AND COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO TAKE THAT LEAP IS IMPORTANT, TOO. BUT I PROMISE, GETTIN AWAY FROM TOXIC PARENTS ISN’T AS SCARY AS THEY MAKE IT OUT TO BE
I’M FLATTERED THAT I WAS THE FIRST PERSON YOU TOLD ABOUT THIS!!! IT MEANS A LOT TO HEAR THAT. I HOPE THE LEGAL PAPERWORK IS SORTED OUT QUICKLY AND SIMPLY!!!! GOOD LUCK LOVEY, I’M CHEERIN YOU ON!!
So uh, I’m very neurodivergent and pansexual and nonbinary (oh my!) and have been in a v psychologically and emotionally abusive familial situation for years now. My friend had been bringing up the legal process of emancipation (me becoming my own legal guardian) for a while, and their family has even offered to help me out with it (financially and giving me a place to stay). Well, I had been on the fence about it up until this past week. Last night was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I had dissociated really badly two days before; I apparently was able to realize I was dissociating and sent messages to my friend about it, I drew and wrote my thoughts/what I was able to process in my sketchbook, and while my friend was at school and not responding I messaged another v nice tumblr user on anon asking for validation/a reminder that I was real human being. That was the same day as my maternal unit’s birthday. I came home still dissociating and entirely unreceptive to touch. I only barely remember typing the message to the tumblr user and then coming back to full consciousness laying on my bed in my underwear (I think I undressed myself, my maternal unit said nothing about having to undress me). Luckily I didn’t really do anything major that I know of, and I was conscious enough that I was able to grab all of my things before leaving school (including the assignments I was unable to do during my last class), but I was unable to get my maternal unit anything for her birthday, including a card. The next day I stayed home bc the maternal unit and I both slept through our alarms and ended up playing video games all day while she was out shopping. When she came home we got into a smaller fight (she tried to use the fact that she drove me around to buy a video game earlier in the week as an excuse to talk to me really shitty-like and I forgot to take my medicine that helps me stay calm so I snapped back and called her out on it and she really didn’t like that), so by Saturday (chore day) tensions were already high. I got up in a decent enough mood, my legs weren’t bothering me yet (we have a family history of severe leg pains, and yes this is important) so I was listening to music and moving around a bit (I’m autistic and dancing and pacing are two of my stims). Later on though, (I don’t know if it’s the weather or what) as I get ready to start my chores, my depression and the leg pains start up. Horribly. My legs (and the rest of me) start shaking and I’m worried they’re going to collapse out from under me, but I try to power through it. All the while, the rest of the house is being loud and overstimulating so I take my phone and start to vent to my friend about it. My maternal unit did not like this, apparently, as she snapped at me about it, but I was able to hold my tongue and not say anything. I went back to my work, but my maternal unit was in such a mood that she ended up asking me for my broom and sweeping one of the rooms for me because she got tired of waiting. This all wouldn’t be so bad if she had just been nicer to me about it. I tried my damnedest to go on about my day and work like I usually do, but by the time I had almost finished my sweeping I felt like I was gonna collapse, so I sat down to take a breather and talk to my friend about it. My maternal unit began to shout at me from the next room for taking too long, I (angrily) got up and finished my work and then left, hoping for a proper breather on the couch before I had to start my next jobs (which involved handling breakable things, something I did not trust myself to do with my legs and hands as unsteady as they were). My maternal unit called me in to help her with taking down the Christmas tree, something which I knew would be awful considering the shape I was in, but I still tried, becoming frustrated with myself and her to the point of tears and just having to leave without a word to go calm down. I eventually had to come back and help more, almost sending myself sprawling as I tripped right in front of her, but she really didn’t acknowledge it past a flippant question about whether or not I was okay, so I finished doing what she asked me to with the tree and went back to hopefully get a few minutes of rest. Apparently this upset my maternal unit as she’d hoped I would do more, and even after I finally explained what was going on with me she continued to tell me to suck it up and deal with it, regardless of how shaky I was, even going so far as to start gaslighting me about the pain (“you’ve never mentioned this before”, “convenient how this comes up when I need you to do something”, “you were just fine earlier when you were pacing and dancing around and shit”). I have told her about the pain before, and was even hospitalized for several days when I was very young bc it made me collapse, so I know she’s trying to bullshit me. She continued this throughout the rest of the night, harping on me for my half-assed attempt at dusting (I lifted as few things as possible bc I was so worried about dropping or breaking it) and when she was angry about the way the plastic containers and lids were arranged in the cabinet after I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher she proceeded to throw them across the kitchen floor. She made very pointed passive-aggressive remarks about everything I did and when I finally ate and decided to go to bed (after venting play-by-play about everything to my friend and reassuring them I didn’t need them to call the mobile crisis hotline), she demanded entry to my room and then proceeded to berate and gaslight me all to hell as I sobbed and tried to defend myself the best I could through a panic attack and hyperventilating. She finally left, slamming my door behind her (I rushed to lock it after I was sure she had left) and I ended up crying and reading fanfics about you and Roadhog until I could calm down. The one thing that stuck with me about that fight was what she said after I confessed how she made me feel like I was never good enough. “Well maybe you ought to find a different place to live.” Well, now I am. That was the decisive factor. I’m talking to my therapist on Wednesday about it, and afterwards my friend, their mom and I are going to start the legal process of emancipation. I just wanted to tell somebody outside of all of this about it and you were the first person I thought of. You and Roadhog and Anahera take care, okay? And wish me luck in all this legal shit, bc I know I’m gonna need it!
P.S. to the followers reading this: you don’t have to deal with this from anyone, including your own families! Please, if you need anyone to talk to, there are Mobile Crisis hotlines that send people to your location to talk to you and deescalate the situation! They are not legally required to talk to your parent or guardian, and they can and will take you out of the situation if they feel you are in significant danger! Don’t hesitate to do it like I did guys!
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