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erenoir · 3 years

Text

summer bummer

♡︎ genre: modern au, surfer/pool boy!eren, rich brat!reader, MDNI

♡︎ warnings: nsfw, 18+ content, unprotected sex, oral sex (m receiving,) choking, spanking, dumbification, spit, fingering, degradation, hair pulling, sub/praise kink!reader + dom!eren

♡︎ featuring: s4!eren jaeger x f!reader

♡︎ word count: 7k

you’re mommy n daddy’s only child, spoiled filthy to the core. you’ve never known a life where you didn’t get what you want. you have the house alone to yourself one day when you meet the new pool boy your parents hired. what you didn’t know was that it would be the uber hot surfer from your local beach, who’d caught you staring at him many times.

a/n: happy u.s. summer! here’s some hot n sweaty beach fantasy eren x reader for u all. this is my first time writing smut so i hope u enjoy ♡︎. also if u can listen to the song pls do bc umm.. it sets the scene perfectly.

“hey—

hello?!” you felt his hand come in contact with your tender cheek, lines of mascara competing to see which can roll down your face the farthest.

—did you hear me? i said suck it.”

3 hours earlier

“today’s forecast says it’s going to be a scolding 85 degrees fahrenheit in marley with sunny skies, with the rest of the week staying in the high 90s. so grab your loved ones and get down to the beach friends ‘cause this weekend is looking to be another hot one!”

you let out a groan as you turned off your tv, if there was one thing you hated about marley it was how hot the summers were. you did not like being sweaty, that was for sure. your mascara is never waterproof, your lipstick is never long-lasting, and no amount of hairspray keeps your hair from deflating. you slip out of bed and put your feet into your silk slippers as you decide what you’re gonna do today. what would it be? maybe you could convince jean to come over and take you out on your dad’s yacht, lord knows you didn’t know how to drive it. or you could invite sasha over to go tanning on the dock. you’re pretty sure your family’s chef niccolo has a crush on her anyway, maybe a bit of matchmaking today huh? he made a lovely eggplant caviar with tapenade. ugh, i have no interest in people today, you thought. you made your way down to the kitchen in your pajamas to see if niccolo could make you some french toast for breakfast when you see a note from your parents sitting on the counter.

hi honey bunny,

we didn’t want to wake you.

the brauns invited your father and i on their yacht today, they told us it just received some fabulous upgrades. we probably won’t be back until around 5 pm, niccolo won’t be in until 3 to start preparing dinner, we gave him the morning off. we left you one of our credit cards on the counter so you can cater yourself some breakfast from the restaurant. have a good morning hun.

love,

mommy + daddy

- also, the new pool boy we told you about will be in at around 11, so don’t be alarmed if you see someone unfamiliar around the house. xx

you sighed, although you enjoyed being alone, you did enjoy the solace of niccolo’s company. he wasn’t one to say much, but you liked that about him. sometimes he felt like your only friend in this huge mansion. most of your friends didn’t feel real, using you for your status and money, with the exception of sasha and jean, but even they barely came around. they say rich people have nothing to be sad about when money can buy you all the luxuries in the world, but money couldn’t buy you the attention you so desperately craved.

you called your mom’s catering company and ordered yourself eggs benedict with caviar and a side of turkey bacon to the main estate.

“alright, it’ll be around 30 minutes miss y/l/n.”

“okay, thank you.”

looks like it was gonna be another lonely day in the estate. you didn’t want to stay inside, so you settled for a nice morning by the pool, you could finally catch up on all those magazine subscriptions piling outside of your door.

your beautician had come over on monday to do you and your mother’s mani-pedis. you chose a nice cherry red for your nails and toes, so today you put on your deep red swimsuit to match. it has a deep v the ties up around your neck like a halter. your parents hated the thing, saying it exposed too much cleavage, but you couldn’t care less. you had used your very own credit card to buy it, so you thought you should be able to wear it whenever you want. you slipped on your jimmy choo flip flops and chanel sunnies and headed down to the pool. your vivian westwood pearl necklace bounced between your tits as you jogged down the steps, a natural frown coming onto your face when you remembered niccolo wasn’t here, expecting to see his face in the kitchen.

you smiled as you saw the lovely breakfast the restaurant prepared, and the glass of rosé they left next to it as a surprise. you sat down at your kitchen island to eat as you flipped through april’s issue of harper’s bazaar. the models on the cover looked happy, you wonder what their secrets were.

spreading your last piece of baguette with caviar, your ears perked up when you heard the buzzer to the main gate ring the main estate. you pressed your manicured finger on the button until you heard the familiar tone to begin speaking.

“hi this is y/n y/l/n. who’s here?”

“uhh… yeah this is eren.. jaeger.”

your heart dropped at the name, you could not believe it. shit.. you’ve got to be kidding me.

“i’m the new pool guy for your house, i think i have the right address. is this the… y/l/n residence?”

your heart felt tight, it’s like someone had taken a rock and shoved it in your chest. your body went numb, maybe it’s a different eren. no, you knew it wasn’t. marley wasn’t a very big town, it’s a coastal city that’s best known for its beach and it’s surfers—eren jaeger just happened to be one of the best. eren goes surfing on tuesday, thursday, and friday mornings, so you and sasha also went to the beach on tuesday, thursday, and friday mornings. you coincidentally, made sure you walked past his spot in your tiniest swimsuit every single time, you’re just a local that goes to the beach a lot is all. to say you had a crush on eren was an understatement, you were absolutely infatuated with him—but he definitely didn’t even know you existed despite your pathetic attempts at flirting. but this friday morning he wasn’t surfing, he was at your front gate.. about to clean your giant pool for god knows how many hours.

“uh.. hello? is anyone there?”

shit.. “u-um, yes, sorry about that yeah, let me just buzz you in.” you walked over to your front door where the buzzer to the main gate is and hesitantly pressed the button, moving like a sloth, hands shaking, face sweating. what do i do now? do i wait for him? do i show him to the pool? do i just act like he’s not here? no-fuck-wait.. god i hate this. no i have to show him where the pool is and where to get the cleaning supplies-maybe he already knows? no how would he already know y/n. okay you just need to relax and take a deep breath, he’s just a per-

“uh—hey..i’m eren.” the tall, brooding man sticks a hand out to you.

“how’d you get in here?” stupid introduction.. god you’re so dumb.

“mr. and mrs. y/l/n let me know where the spare key was so i could let myself in, just in case y/n wasn’t around.. would that be you?” his eyebrows purse together as he nods his chin in your direction.

“y-yeah that would be me.. hi. i’m y/n!” you put your hand in his and the way his hand suffocates yours in size makes your stomach flip. you see eren’s dark green eyes slowly rake themselves up and down your body when you immediately become self conscious. you were only in your red swimsuit, chanel sunnies sit atop your head, pushing your bangs back. you felt very.. exposed all of a sudden.

“do you.. need me to show you to the pool area?” you ask the sun kissed boy.

“yeah that would be great y/n,” the way your name rolled off of his tongue shook you to your deepest core. you wanted to hear him say it in more ways than one.

“okay, follow me.”

the walk to the pool was silent, the only noise heard were your jimmy choo flip flops hitting against the cold marble floor. eren stayed a few steps behind you, watching how your body swayed back and forth in your tight swimsuit. his eyes grazed down to your ass, and watched as it bounced with every step. he feels like he’s seen you before, he just can’t pinpoint from where. his stare was intense, you could feel his eyes burning into your back, but you pretended you didn’t notice, not bothering to look back at him. you reached the sliding doors to your patio and led him outside.

“so this the pool, the hot tub is farther towards to the back of the yard, if you keep waking towards the garden you’ll hit it.” you turned to see if he was keeping up, his eyes were intent on you, you felt heat rising to your cheeks and you turned around before he could notice.

“let me show you the pool house next.” you walk him over to your outdoor seating area and lead him behind that to a separate little house equipped with a bathroom, living area, and kitchen. you open the door and led him in.

“so this is the pool house, feel free to take your breaks in here, the kitchen is stocked with food and drinks if you’re hungry.” you opened the door to the tool closet, “this is where we keep all the supplies to clean the pool, if we’re out of anything call this number and maintenance will be over to bring you more.” you point to the contact sheet that’s beside all of the intercom systems throughout the estate. you looked up at him and gave him a warm smile, “so… yeah that should be everything.” you looked down at your feet. please say something.

“shit..” you hear eren whisper under his breath. you look up at him to ask what’s wrong. “sorry, it’s just.. your place is huge.”

“yeah, we get that a lot.. but if you need anything i’ll be sitting by the pool so..” you start to back out of the pool house, giving eren a small wave before letting him get started. he gave you one last smile as you left.

you were sat by the pool with an issue of vogue, you couldn’t believe low-waisted jeans were coming back in. your chanel sunnies sat low on your nose as you snacked on some fresh cherries, your mom had some ins with sasha’s family, they ran a family farm and grew the best produce in town. you stuck a cherry in your mouth, sucking on it for a little before spitting the pit into the napkin that was slowly being covered in cherry seeds. you were too enthralled in your reading to realize eren’s burning gaze on your lips, watching you from across the pool, every time you pulled a cherry stem out of your mouth, your lips were stained a bit redder than before. the way your lips moved around the fruit, back and forth sucking the pit dry.. he could only imagine you doing the same thing to his pretty little cock. you stuck your pinky in your mouth, sucking it dry from the cherry juice that was dripping down it. eren shook his head, trying to rid his mind of the lewd thoughts he was having about his clients’ daughter. he went back to pulling leaves out of the pool with the pool net when it was your turn to give him an affectionate gaze.

eren was tall, his stomach looked like it went on for ages, the sun hitting it just right to form lines of shadows that defined his abs. he wasn’t wearing a shirt, it was far too hot for that. he had his long hair tied back into a sloppy bun, baby hairs sticking to his sweaty forehead. his skin had been kissed by the sun a fair bit, the tan lines from surfing peaking out as his swim shorts hung low. his cheeks stained a perfect pink as you watched him lift his arm to wipe sweat off of his face. your eyes trailed down only to fixate on the large bulge forming under his swim shorts, your thighs instinctively rubbed themselves together, thoughts getting cloudy at the idea of you possibly turning him on. your lips salivated at the thought of eren having you. your eyes lingered for a little too long as you hear eren clear his throat, your eyes shooting up only to meet his already boring into you, he wore a smug smile on his face, like he knew exactly what was happening between your legs. you gave him a questioning look, acting completely innocent to the filthy thoughts that were ransacking both of your minds.

“i was gonna mention this earlier but.. you look really familiar,” eren poked at you, as he was working he remembered exactly who you were once he got a good look at you. you were the rich brat that fawned after him every time he was at the beach surfing.

it was like clockwork, just as he was getting out of the water, surfboard hugged close to his side, there you were with that brunette friend of yours. laughing loudly, tits bouncing in those tiny little swimsuits you wore, hardly being held up by the tiny straps tied behind your neck. you would flip your hair to one side of your head, exposing your soft, supple neck to eren as he shook the saltwater out of his hair. eren thought your desperate attempts at getting him to notice you were embarrassing, but damn did they work. you were basically part of his morning routine, he actually began to look forward to seeing you walk past him for twenty seconds of his day, though it felt like an eternity for the both of you. the way your hair blew in the morning breeze, perfectly glossed lips pretending to laugh at whatever your friend had said, you wanted him to look at you.

eren would excuse himself from his friends to go to his truck for a moment, saying he needed to get more wax for his board. but really he would hide himself away in his back seat with the tinted windows, peel off the upper half of his wetsuit, and play with his cock while he thought of your pretty face on your knees sucking him off like the good little brat you were. every tuesday, thursday, and friday morning, that’s where he would find himself.. jerking off to the thought of you, knees bruised, lips swollen, hair a mess from his hands, love bites all over your soft tits. eren’s hand moved faster, harder. “yeah kitten, just like that. cum on my co—oh!” white ropes shooting onto eren’s salty, sweaty stomach. beads of sweat rolling down his face as his eyes crossed in euphoria. that’s where eren knew you from. the beach girl, y/n y/l/n, the brat of his filthy little fantasies, he fucking wanted you.

your heart dropped at eren’s statement, you didn’t think he actually noticed you at the beach those mornings. you just thought you were acting a fool for nothing, he wouldn’t even so much as glance your way. you raised your magazine just above your cheeks so he couldn’t see the pools of red forming atop them. you pulled your chanel sunnies down the bridge of your nose and raised your eyes to get a good look at him.

“hmm.. no i don’t know if i’ve ever seen you before today. maybe i look like someone you know?” you little bitch, eren thought. how could you pretend to not know him, some brat you were. he’d have to teach you a lesson. he scoffed at your response, “yeah, okay.” you sensed a hint of annoyance in his voice, so he definitely saw you those mornings.

you were on your fourth magazine, now reading may’s issue of elle, when you checked your phone for the time. 12:30. eren had been working non-stop for almost two hours, maybe you should get him a drink. you closed your magazine and swung your legs over your lounge chair as you made your way around the pool to where he was submerged, scrubbing away at the walls. your breath hitched as he shook out his hair, once slicked back with water. he was so pretty.

“hey! i’m gonna go get a drink from the pool house.. do you want anything? you’ve been out here with nothing this whole time, don’t want you passing out on us.” look at you, trying to act like you cared, eren thought. he didn’t think you were capable of caring about anyone other than yourself and all of the material things you owned. he looked up at your body standing above him. your thighs looked soft, god how he wanted to shove his face between them. his eyes moved down to your feet, toes painted a perfect cherry red, you donned a gold anklet on your right leg. your legs were glossy with lotion and sweat, he wanted to lick wet stripes up them all the way to your—oh? what’s this? eren’s eyes focused in on the damp little spot between your legs, right at the crotch of your bright red swimsuit. he couldn’t help but smirk, was all this for him? was this what the mere thought of him did to you? his eyes darkened as you crossed your legs and cleared your throat.

“s-so? would you like anything?” your voice cracked towards the end of your question. eren let out a soft chuckle, as he pushed his long locks back, hair now fallen out of his bun, hair tie on his wrist. you let out a low groan as his biceps flexed slightly at the action.

“no i’m okay for right now, if i want anything i can just go get it myself right?” his eyes sparkled up at you, slightly squinting to keep some of the sun out. his words had a double meaning, he knew that, hell, you knew that. if eren wanted a drink, if he wanted you, he can just take it himself. you let out a deep breath through your nose, and crossed your arms over your chest as you smirked down at the boy.

you released your lower lip from your teeth’s grip, “yes, you can just get it yourself eren.” your voice sung his name like it was a form of worship. you turned on your heels and started making your way to the pool house, turning around to give eren a quick look over the shoulder, noticing his eyes were still fixed on you. you swayed your hips a little extra, follow me, please follow me. you craved attention, you were so lonely in this big house, you wanted to feel the touch of someone else. you heard the pool water splash, he got out, you smirked devilishly to yourself as you opened the door.

you were pouring ice into a glass, a can of cherry coke cracked open. you hummed a little tune to yourself when you heard the door of the pool house creak open slowly. before you know it eren was leaning on the counter next to you, arms crossed, hair back up in his usual bun, looking down at you. you kept your eyes on what you were doing, waiting for him to say something.

“is that for me?” he teased. you looked up at him with a fake-annoyed scowl, letting out an exaggerated little pout. god you were so fucking cute, eren’s cock hardening at the thought. he shifted his position to try to hide his growing length from you.

“well do you like cherry coke eren?” every time you said his name his jaw clenched a little harder.

“yeah, i like cherry coke.” his voice now more of a whisper, you looked up at him as you pushed the drink into his chest, telling him to take it. he took the drink, hand placed over yours on the glass, the two of you holding that position momentarily. you looked up at him, eyes hazy and filled with obvious lust. your hand mindlessly traced up his chest, drawing small circles on his skin as your hand fell to the necklace around his neck, lifting up the key pendant softly to get a good look at it. you felt eren’s breath hitch in his chest.

“i have to go to the bathroom, excuse me.” you looked up at him one last time, eyes begging him to follow you, and you slowly made your way to the bathroom, giving him time to think about your movements. you open the door to the small, hot pool house bathroom when you felt a strong grip hold you back by a piece of your swimsuit. yes, you thought.

you turn around to look at the man in front of you, eren’s chest moving up and down in heavy breaths, eyes dark with want, lips chapped and glistening from the amount of times he’s licked them.

“i thought i knew you from somewhere,” he moves in closer, closing the gap between your bodies, “you’re there.. at the beach.. every morning.. watching me surf.. yet you say you don’t know me.” his hand meets your waist and gives it a tight squeeze as the other grabs your chin and forces you to look up at him.

“well i’m gonna make sure you know me.”

eren pushes you back into the bathroom, closing the door behind the two of you. you feel your walls crashing down as you wrap your arms around his neck. he hoists you up onto the sink and your wrap your legs around his waist, begging him to be closer to you. your lips crash together in a frenzy, moving fast and frantic. neither of you could ignore the tension any longer, about to give in to your darkest desires.

eren grabs a fistful of your hair in his hands and yanks your head back as you let out a small moan. “you like that huh? you like when i rough you up like you’re a little rag doll huh bitch?” your eyes roll back at his words. you grab his head and bring your foreheads together, looking deep into his eyes, “fucking wreck me like i’m your little rag doll eren.”

your eyes are only fixated on his in this moment, grinding your hips mindlessly into his as his grip on your hair tightens, tears pricking at your eyes. he yanks your head back again as you let out a little yelp, “yeah? you want me to wreck you? then show me a how a good doll sucks my fucking cock huh? can you suck my cock good?” you nod your head, already spitting on your hand to prepare to wrap it around his member. he smirks at your desperation, clearly understanding that he’s in control here. he pulls on your hair like it’s a leash as he yanks you off the counter and to the ground on your knees. your hands paw desperately at his swim shorts, wanting them off already. he smacked your hands off of him, “filthy bitch, you just can’t wait can you?”

he maintains his grip on your hair and looks down on you on your knees. smack! your head whips to the right as you let out a yelp.

“you haven’t even let me explain the rules yet.” he grabs your face and places a foot on one of your shoulders as your back pushes into the wall from the weight. he squeezes your mouth open, “say ahh.” your tongue instinctively hangs out of your mouth. eren chuckles, “that’s my good little puppy, panting on her knees for me.” you hear him chock up a wad of spit as it hangs down from his mouth to yours. catching it on your tongue, he closes your mouth and makes you swallow it.

“say thank you.”

“thank you eren!” you cry up to him. god, you were so fucking pretty, eren thought.

“first rule, you cum only when i tell you to.” you nod eagerly, eyes beaming up at him. he smiles down at you all cute and ready for him, “second rule, you do exactly as i say.” he grabs your red cheek and rubs his thumb across it softly, “last rule, you tap me twice if anything becomes too much for you.”

“is that good?”

“s good eren,” you reply, ready for whatever he wanted to give you. he grabs your faces and kisses it roughly, before pushing you back against the wall with his foot and landing a pretty little smack to the other side of your face.

“okay, now be a good little doll and suck my cock.”

your pussy throbbed at the sight of him, you loved being his little sex puppet. his eyes went from sparkling in the sunlight to dark and slicing into you. the muscles in his arm flexed as his grip on your hair tightened. his abs were moving up and down as he breathed deeply, you thought back to the countless times you saw him at the beach, wondering if a moment like this would ever happen. you were captivated by him, mouth watering at his towering physique.

currently, 12:55 pm

“hey—

hello?!” you felt his hand come in contact with your tender cheek, lines of mascara competing to see which can roll down your face the farthest.

—did you hear me? i said suck it.”

your eyes widened as you realized where you were. your hands worked to untie the elastic of his swim shorts and pull them down, releasing his thick cock and watching it smack his stomach. you immediately licked a thick stripe up his shaft, his hand pushing your head into him at the movement. you spat on your hand and mixed your saliva with his precum as you began to move your hand up and down his cock slowly, letting out little moans in the process. your hand held the base of his cock while the other played with his balls, eren’s thighs were shaking before you. god i want to make him feel like this forever. you let a fat glob of spit sink down from your mouth onto the tip of his cock as you slowly proceeded to wrap your lips around him.

“fuck y/n, that’s it girl,” eren’s words made you throb down to your core. you let your mouth sink down onto his cock until he reached the back of your throat, his hips jutted into you as you gagged. you came up for air, a string of saliva connecting the tip of his cock to your bottom lip. he let out a loud moan at the sight. you take him again, this time moving your hand and your mouth in sync. up. down. up. down. as you milked his sweet cock, eren guided your head with his fingers tangled in your hair, speeding up a little bit more every time. you two found a rhythm, his hips jutting into you as you moved your mouth and hand in time, saliva coating your swollen lips and cheeks. you took the liberty to sink your mouth all the way down on his cock, the tip tickling the back of your throat again, your forehead against his stomach. your hands brace themselves on his thighs as you swirl your head around on him, his hands pushing your head into him, as his hips move against your face.

“take deep breaths doll, deep breaths,” eren whined out. you nodded as you looked up at him, mascara covering your cheeks, taking deep breaths through your nose. your moans are high pitched, you removed a hand from his hips and reach down to touch your clit through your swimsuit, hoping to ease the aching in your cunt in the slightest. eren was losing it at the sight of you like this. marley’s richest little brat at the mercy of his cock. completely unwinding, a cum and spit covered mess, choking on his length. he watched you desperate trying to feel something as you touched yourself with sloppy movements, his eyes rolled back and crossed at the sight.

“shit, i’m gonna cum baby,” eren pulls his cock out of your mouth, and starts to pump it hard and fast, ready to release his load on your pretty face. you let your tongue hang out of your mouth for him and look up at him with your doe eyes, hands working at your clit harder. eren cries out your name as you feel your cheeks warm up with his hot cum.

“shit, shit, c’mere, fucking come here baby,” he lifts you up by your hair and brings you close to him, arms wrapped tightly around your waist as you put yours around his neck. he kisses you hard, tongues exploring each other’s mouths, eyebrows pursed in concentration. you feel eren’s hands begin to work at the knot around your kneck, growing frustrated he ends up ripping it off you.

you gasp and your hand flys to the back of your neck, “ugh! that was gucci spring ‘18 eren!” your eyebrows knitted in anger at him. he chuckled slyly.

“tell your parents to tip me good and maybe i can buy you a new one then huh?” he peels the swimsuit off of you, your naked body fully exposed to him. he pushes you back up on the counter, his lips never detaching from yours. your legs instinctively open for him, moaning into his mouth. “fuck, eren please—

“please what you little bitch? demanding now are we?” he teased you.

“it’s my turn, touch me,” you whine. he lands a sharp smack on your ass and you yelp in pain. his hand squeezes your cheeks and you open your mouth for him again. “take it,” eren growls and spits on your tongue.

“patience is a virtue dolly, you don’t tell me what to do,” eren says as he plunges two fingers into your slick. your head rolls back and hits the mirror behind you, “fuck!” you wail.

eren shows no mercy as his fingers fuck you rough and fast, not losing the pace anytime soon. your hand reached down to his wrist and pushes his fingers further inside of you, your hips pushing up into him as you begin to grind yourself onto his hand.

“look at you, you needy little bitch. getting yourself off on my hand, so filthy,” you whine at his words. he spits on your cunt and brings his other hand down to rub fast circles on your clit. your eyes roll back and tears start to roll down your face as your breath stops in your throat. “ren! fuck i—oh fuck baby please, i’m gonna cum!” you look eren dead in the eyes, crying for him to let you cum, your grip on his wrist tightening as your body shakes uncontrollably. the spout of the sink is digging into your back but you. don’t. care. you’re only thinking about eren letting you cum. he takes his hand off of your clit and pushes your face into his, kissing you harshly. “yeah baby, go ahead, cum for me.”

“o—oh!” your body jolts in pleasure and your cunt tightens around him. your mind turns into mush, the only thing you can say are pieces of eren’s name. you’re a babbling mess underneath him, as his fingers fuck you through your high, his lips resting on your forehead as you regain your breathing. eren looks at you again, this time softly, asking you for reassurance. you smile at him and nod your head through your haze, letting him know you’re okay. he wastes no time lifting your legs onto his shoulders, turning your body into a folded pretzel on what little counter space you have. he starts pumping his cock in his hand, already hard after what he just watched. he looks at you again, when you grab his jaw and kiss him hard. eyes never leaving each other’s as you begged against his lips, “eren, fuck me.”

you feel his thick cock ram into your plush cunt, eyes squeezing shut and mouth dropping at the euphoric feeling. “so fucking tight doll,” eren mewls as you wrap your hands in his hair, his bun now falling down his back. he begins to slam in and out of you, the fast pace overwhelming both of you as the two of you desperately grabbed at each other’s bodies, just wanting to feel close in that moment. you’re absolutely losing your mind at the feeling, drooling at the mouth as eren licks the falling spit off your face.

“look at you, you dumb little slut, taking my cock so well like a good l-little doll.” eren’s thrusts didn’t lose speed as he hiccuped through his words, “you’re doing so good for me sweet girl, so f-ucking good for me my baby.” your pussy clenches at his words, his hair falling down and tickling your face as your cheeks flushed red. eren lands a nice smack to your face and grabs your cheeks to force you to look at him, “who do you belong to? who’s pussy is this?”

your thighs shake, legs around his neck pushing him further into you. “i-it’s yours baby, f-uck, this pussy is fucking yours eren. take it, take it fuck!” you’re a babbling mess underneath him, he takes your throat in his hands and lightly squeezes it, using it as an anchor to thrust into you harder. tears are streaming down your cheeks, lip gloss smeared across your lips, you’re a complete, whiny mess, drowning in pleasure. he closes the gap between you two and leans forward to take one of your nipples in his mouth, never losing an ounce of speed. your knees are folded against your shoulders, ass tilted upwards as eren thrusts down into you. your hair is sticking to your forehead with sweat, as you yank his head up from your breast to kiss him passionately. “i’m s-so c-close ‘ren,” he kisses the tears away from your eyes, taking in the sight before him.

your face is beat red and smeared with makeup, breasts bouncing with every thrust into you, your hands are gripped onto your thighs as you pull them back further into you, allowing eren to fill you up as far as he can. you look up at him desperately, mouthing the word “please” over and over again as you look up at him with tears in your eyes. he nods at you frantically whispering, “yes, yes, yes, i’m so close close doll, fuck.” both of you climbing your high, tangled together in the cramped bathroom. the mirror behind you is foggy, the imprint of eren’s hand slowly sliding down as he grabs your head and brings your foreheads together.

“yes, yes, yes, eren cum inside of me.. p-please cum inside of me,” you whisper into his lips. you wanted to feel every inch of him. eren’s eyes roll back at your words, tongue slipping out of his mouth, as he pants heavily, getting ready to release himself inside of you. “go ahead baby, cum for me,” eren whispers as your body jerks underneath him, stomach frantically moving up and down. you couldn’t take it anymore, foreheads still close together, you both cum in unison. you feel eren’s seed inside of you as you repeatedly slam the counter with your hand. “fuck, fuck, fuck! eren oh my god i feel you inside of me!” you scream as he rides out both of your highs. “o-oh my god y/n! fuck your cunt is so good, a-ah you did so good for me my sweet,” eren whispers sweet nothings into your ear, now becoming a babbling mess himself.

the two of you are caked in chlorine and sweat, covered in each other’s spit and cum, as eren slows his pace down. slowly pulling himself out of you, you both watch as his seed seeps out of your vagina. “fuck,” eren whispers, kneeling down and licking a fat stripe up your core, leaving the taste of you two mixed together in his mouth. your body jolts one last time at the sensation, as you try to regulate your staggered breathing. your eyes are closed tightly and your hands are still clenched in eren’s long hair as you try to calm yourself down. you feel eren kiss your forehead tenderly, running his hands back through your hair, trying to clean it up a bit.

“you okay?” eren asks softly. your eyes flutter open and land on his beautiful figure before you. he lowers your legs from his shoulders and lifts your body up to a comfortable sitting position on the counter. he takes the back of your head gently in his hands and places one soft kiss on your lips. “mm yeah i’m okay,” you whisper to him. your hands grab his wrists and bring both of his hands to your face, you kiss his knuckles as he says, “open,” one last time. you do as he says and he sticks his middle and ring fingers into your mouth, your lips closing around them, tongue twirling as you taste yourself on him. “you’re so pretty,” he says bluntly. your cheeks redden as you nuzzle your head into his neck.

the two of you are still in a haze as eren wipes you clean with a warm towel. “hm, i didn’t think you could be so sweet,” you tease. he looks up at you from his position on the ground, wiping in between your legs sweetly. “shut up,” he mumbles, expression turning into a scowl. you two had moved to the living room area of the pool house as you cleaned yourselves up.

you grabbed eren’s hair in your hands as you combed your fingers through his soft tresses, “hair tie,” you mumble.

“hm?”

“gimme your hair tie,” you open and close your hand a few times, beckoning him to give it to you. he places it in your hand as you comb his hair up into a bun, pulling some pieces from the front to frame his face. eren smiles at the sensation of someone other than himself doing his hair, “thanks,” he whispers under his breath, playing with his hands in his lap. “m’hm,” you hum in response.

“here,” he tosses his shirt at you, “—because your swim suit you know—

—yeah you ripped it,” you said with a straight face before breaking into a smirk.

“yeah.. i’ll get you a new one just like it. can’t promise it’ll be gucci though..”

“eren?” you ask.

“hm? what is it?” he says as he slips his swim shorts on. he looks down at you with a smug look.

“remember when i said i didn’t recognize you? i lied.. i knew it was you the minute you said your name over the intercom.”

“oh really? i never would have guessed!” he teased you as you roll your eyes and get up from your spot on the couch. you open the door to the pool house and hold it open for eren coming out behind you. you both squinted your eyes, putting a hand up to your face to block out some of the sun, neither of you had seen daylight for the past hour or so. you two looked a mess. as much as you tried to clean yourselves both yours and eren’s hair were tangled, greasy messes, your face was red and eren had scratch marks up and down his back. you were also in nothing but his shirt.

“try to leave quietly through the kitchen,” you whispered as you inched up to the sliding doors softly. eren nodded silently at you in response. it was only 2:30 so you were in the clear. you were the first to walk in the house when—

“hey sweetie! the brauns decided to bring the boat back in early! my god honey you look a mess!” your mother rushed up to you to begin prodding at your face. you quickly leaned up against the doorway in an attempt to hide eren who was crouched down behind you, waving your hand frantically behind you so only he could see, motioning him to just leave through the front and take the long way.

“haha! hi mommy! i-i know.. i went in the pool today and um.. yeah my hair didn’t dry properly. i was just coming into change into some proper clothes!”

“oh speaking of the pool.. that pool boy did an amazing job didn’t he? much cleaner than the last person we hired! did you get to speak to him hun was he nice?”

“o-oh!” eren squeezes your ass one more time before running off around the estate in nothing but his swim shorts, “h-he was actually very nice! i actually recognized him from somewhere before!”

“we should have him back shouldn’t we hun?” your mother gives your father a quick glance back, he hums mindlessly in agreement, too absorbed in his golf digest to listen. “what do you think sweetie?”

“oh yeah.. i mean he was just great!” really great. “cleaned every spot of the pool! we should definitely have him back!”

please have him back.

a/n: um besties what did we think?? i love pool boy surfer eren i think i will marry him.

#attack on titan x reader #aot x reader #attack on titan smut #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger x y/n #eren yeager #eren yeager x reader #eren yeager x y/n #eren jaeger smut #eren yeager smut #aot imagines #eren jaeger imagines #eren x reader #☆—mitsery.smut

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mythiccheroacademia · 4 years

Text

Delivery HCs with 1-A’s Big Three

A/N: Maybe I’m a bit biased because I want to be a pediatrician when I’m older, but I think children are the true gems of the world. I’ve seen a few deliveries in my life, and it’s a moment that not even magic can explain. I can only imagine what it’s like for the parents--to see the baby you’d start a war for if need be. So, here’s my attempt to translate that special love within a headcanon.

Enjoy and continue to stay safe honey bunnies

Also, remember to thank a (good) mother for being literal superheroes once in awhile. Delivering is no joke!

Warnings: all the wonderful things that come with pushing a baby out of a 3-4in hole

All characters are aged 18+

Midoryia Izuku:

when you and your husband got to the hospital, the nurses were suprised to find you laughing and your husband muttering

they soon came to find out he was reciting how to books about delivery

word-for-word

the buff, muscley, #1 hero who scared villains into a crime rate of 2% was wiggling his knees in fear every time you had a contraction

he was running around, calling his friends and family about how he was going to combust

asked you every five minutes if you were ready to push

“izu, honey, i don’t think it works like that”

“true....but are you ready?”

it was funny

but it stopped being funny after 14 hours of labor, when the contractions got really bad

now you were just snapping at izuku to quiet down otherwise you’d united states smash his face in

him: 😧

the nurses: 👀

he knows you’re in pain but damn

it’s a relief when you get the epidural

after that, it was a relatively smooth birth

it still hurt like hell, but your husband is holding your hand, giving you encouraging kisses

one final push and the baby is out

immediately, the little boy is screaming his head off making his presence known

you let your head fall back with a relieved sigh as your body works to get the placenta out

whiles you do tiny pushes, izuku is in a love-struck daze as he stares at your son

it’s like he has tunnel vision

suddenly, nothing in his life was ever more important than this tiny little human who couldn’t weigh more than his left hand

the nurses hand you your son and you laugh through your happy tears

“it looks like i’ve got two cry-babies to deal with now” you lovingly smile

izuku is on his knees, sobbing, kissing your forehead and rubbing his finger against his child’s cheek

he’s so thankful

he’s so very thankful, he doesn’t even know how to comprehend it

you’re the best hero in his eyes

“he’s so beautiful” he repeats, like a broken record

there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you or his son

he silently makes an oath to do everything in his power to see his family smile with security every day

izuku feels like he finally knows what being #1 truly is

Bakugo Katsuki:

pregnancy wasn’t easy for you

having twins wasn’t rare, but it made the process riskier

giving birth is still quite dangerous, like women are superheroes bruh

due to forseen complications, you were scheduled for a c-section

unfortunately, you’re blood pressure sky-rocketed and you had to deliver your babies two weeks early

on the way to the hospital, your contractions were tearing you apart

during each shake and scream you gave, katsuki would hold your shoulder and let you dig your nails into his arms

he took it without complaint

it was like you were a different person when a contraction hit

you never complained about the pain, but he could tell you wanted it to end with how your head would fall like dead weight

never admits to the few tears that slipped past his cheeks

he never wanted to see you like this again

when you make it to the hospital, they wheel you into the surgery room and he follows after

is relieved to see that you can no longer feel the contractions

in fact, even with all the IVs in you, you seem a lot better--more alert

he makes his way over to you

“sorry for the car ride. i think i drooled. i probably looked gross. still do” you joke

he speaks in the softest voice you’ve ever heard, kiss your dry lips

“no baby, you look beauitful”

and he means it

you do. you’re the most beautiful woman he knows

you feel a lot of pressure as they take the babies out, but once they do, the sounds of your children make you tear up

bakugo is frozen as he watches his babies, one boy one girl, get cleaned up

there’s a softness in the air as the nurses lay the boy on your chest and the girl in katsuki’s arms

your heart explodes with so much love that the heart monitor does a little jump that makes everyone laugh

but katsuki makes a pained expression before lowering himself so that his forehead rests beside your ear

he can’t tell what he’s feeling bc he’s felt love before but this was different

this was so overwhelming that it sent his knees buckling

you use your free hand to smooth down his hair as he cries

“thank you” is all he’s able to say until the tears are gone

Todoroki Shouto:

when shouto looks back on one of the happiest days of his life, all he feels is shame and embarrassment

he was just doing everything wrong that day

no thoughts, head empty

of course you had to go into labor the day he decided to take a tiny job 30 fucking minutes away from the hospital

he made it to you in 20, he broke several laws to do it

when he gets to the hosptial, he can barely talk

the nurses had to call you to make sure this crazy man was actually the father of your child

misses the baby floor twice

walks into the wrong room three times bc he forgot how to read

when he finally makes it to your room, he’s fed up with himself

“what took you so long? the front desk called me, like, ten minutes ago”

“i don’t wanna talk about it”

“are you having an attitude with me right now? when i’m about to deliver your child?”

shouto: ☹️

shutting up was the smartest thing he did that day

when the 15th hour of labor hit and you were gripping your husband, screaming and rocking on your knees for any type of relief, todoroki was nearly begging you to take the drugs

“sweetheart, please consider the epidural”

“no, shouto. i’m doing this without one”

“why do you want to suffer when technology and modern medicine--”

“todoroki shouto, you give me one more lesson about modern medicine and i’ll rip your quirk right out of you”

“i dont think that’s--”

the nurse finally chimes in: “sir, i mean this in the nicest way possible. shut up”

after 24 grueling hours, you’re pushing

it’s taking everything within shouto not to pass out from the blood, the screaming, and how tight you’re squeezing his hand

the baby is out and crying her little head off

you’re happy it’s all over and shouto should be too

but he’s going over the past 48hrs and letting it confirm how he’s just not set up to be a father

he’s almost grateful that you would hold her first bc he doesnt want to screw up more than he already has, but you have a different idea

understanding the emotions and self-doubt reflected on his face, you say

“shouto, i want you to hold her first”

he’s shocked and starts his stuttering, but the nurse is already on it

“you heard mama, open your arms big guy”

once the nurse helps him find a good hold, todoroki doesnt even notice the tears falling down his cheeks

“look at you,” you sniff. “you’re a natural”

his eyes are wide with child-like wonder and he manages to give you a trembling smile

“you think so?” you nod and he’s smiling so big, you wanna take a picture. “she’s so beautiful, just like her mother”

he leans down to kiss you

wonders what he did in his past life to deserve the love he was given the chance to feel today

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sickficsforthesoul · 3 years

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here's a prompt ?(or whateverits called): not a request ! also ، ¿ ¡ ૮₍ 𖦹 ˕ ×` ₎ა ! ?·＊· anon or 🧛🏻‍♀️ anon(emoji form) . : the sickie hates today so much. they had to go to school bc it was a important practice match they had to be in. but they got a stomach bug yay! good 4 them !! they woke up feeling like shit , they knew they were sick. they wanted to stay in bed . praying to any god that they weren't gonna be sick. they fell asleep again saying just to rest for a few more minutes (well it ended up being 30 minutes ) now they only had 30 minutes to get to school, they knew they actually had to wake up. running out of bed to get there clothes and change as fast as they could (they dont shower in the morning and they were to lazy to brush their teeth) rushing out of bed that fast made them all dizzy . great . now they're stomach hurts. yep they were gonna vomit. they knew they couldn't make it to the bathroom . so they found a place that could store it , they rushed finding something in their room . they searched their desk. feeling the vomit rising up. shutting their mouth bc they dont want their desk getting vomit on it. it was so strong it went in their nose. they couldnt hold it in anymore. throwing up in their desk wetting all the papers. homeworks . they were gonna get in trouble at school. they had no hw anymore . well they were gonna be late to practice if they cleaned it up.so they ignored it. gagging at the smell of it. they finally finished their daily routine . they skipped breakfast (just like most of the times). they grabbed a mask and went to school . playing games on their phone to distract themselves. sadly that didnt work . they got all dizzy , they put their phone. feeling too dizzy they nearly tripped . they countied waking to school. remembering they only had 5 minutes left they had to continue walking faster. they started running. while running they were thinking abt how they got sick. :: I prob got sick from some1 in my class. yeah. they threw up in the classroom and they sat near me. they were probably coughing alot.. ew.. :: they arrived at school. going into the volleyball ball gym changing room. no1 was there . they were probably practicing. suddenly they felt their stomach growl. it hurts so much. why today they ask. they wrapped their arms around them and it hurts so bad. when it kinda stop they had the courage to change into their volleyball club uniform and go to the gym. while walking there they started coughing.having a coughing fit made every1 look at them . they hated that . they really dont like being the center of attention. some1 from their team asked "hey you ok?" they just said yeah. the coach said to run 4 laps around the gym. uh how much they hated running. they only did 1 and a half.(END PT 1) they couldn't handle 4 laps. while some1 was running they saw them hiding (so no1 can see them slacking off) they asked "um?? what's wrong ? ud probably get in trouble if coach finds out. I'm already on my 3rd lap . ig in 3 mins its over. r u just gonna stay here? and also if u act like this it the match . you'll get in big trouble. they just said "ok". when the coach said ok! they went back in the gym and prepared the net. they started a sneezing fit which caught som1 to give them tissue. they eventually stopped . they're nose is so stuffy they can barely breathe. they really want 1 more tissue but they don't have any , they ended up using their arm as a tissue. well atleast only 1 person saw. every1 was practicing. it was gonna end it 10 mins . they're shocked how they went so far. when they setted the ball they suddenly felt they're stomach grumble. they cant just suddenly go to the bathroom. they had to wait. uh they started feeling nauseous and they silently stared gagging. then came the wet coughs , they could feel the vomit loudly. end . pt1

(contin.) they had to fake spike? idk . they didnt have the power to do so. obviously they looked like they were faking it. they're team lost, they honestly didnt care . then some1 hit then on their back saying to,work hard. some vomit came up . they swallowed it . they thought it tasted so bad. they started coughing really loudly. every1 was looking (they had to rush to the bathroom but since every1 was looking they didn't want to make a scene so they didnt ) they waited till every1 wrnt to they changing room /club room. finally every1 besides 1 person who was a benched player went to the toilet . oh no. they cant wait that there was vomit coming up they wanted to wait for at least 2 mins , but they couldn't only 36 seconds. they started to vomit . in their hands . dripping on the gyms floor. they couldn't make it into a stall so they threw up in the bathroom floor. threw up already half of what they had. they heard the doors unlocking from the bathroom (it was the benched player) they rushed into a stall so he couldn't see them . they walked out and saw vomit. they didnt care , they walked out like nothing happened. they were still vomiting , they didn't have enough strength to propt themselves up to puke inside the toilet, they just ended up throwing up on the floor . they thought they were done after dry heaving for 2 minutes. getting up to go to the changing room to change into their uniform. they didnt tie their tie properly but they dont care. going into their classroom late. like 10 minutes late. they got scolded for wearing their tie wrong and being late.also not bringing hw. yay good for them this class they didnt do anything. so they just fell asleep /WITH THEIR MASK ON!// pt2done

while waiting they double bagged the plastic bags to prevent in from seeping thru. one the bus came. the sickie regretted going on already feeling dizzy once they sat down , they sat at the back where no1 sits (although that would make them more dizzer, but they didnt know that) after 5 minutes of the ride (there was some traffic. normally itd take 10 minutes. but since there is traffic they didnt how long they'd have to wait.) "[caretakers name]...while wet coughing.mm candy." they rushed to give the candy. it soothed their throat for 5 minutes until making them dizzy . lying down on the caretaker,while they play with their hair. they fell asleep. after 20 minutes (still in traffic) they woke up to the bus driving. they woke up and asked for water. they drank the water in small sips. they didnt vomit. the they drank it quickly before spitting it out. then coughing. they nearly threw up. swallowing it . asking while coughing for the 'bag'. they grabbed it and held on it and tried getting it out bc they were very nauseous. they couldn't. until the bus continued moving. they're grip to it was very weak. the bus suddenly moving made their stomach growl. and letting of their bag to hold on their stomach. the care taker asked "what's wrong ???? you let go... r u gonna ..." "no. stop.u will make me.stop.talking abt it"(they hated vomit so much thinking abt it makes them gag) the sickie was shaking. they messed up dropping the bag and it flew away. they caretaker getting their jacket just incase yk they vomit. after the bus stops again. a couple and a 2 ppl (4 alltogether)decided to sit in the back. their stomach hurts so much... they started crying. the bus started moving more . 2 more stops till their stop. they gagged. letting go of their hand on their face. "I'm gonna-" the caretaker getting the jacket and hugging the sickie to cover them . they threw up on the caretaker. the couple moved away in disgust whilst the 2 other ppl stayed. just on their phone. "ppl r looking...." "I want to leave.. " "''dont worry , no1 is looking'' the care taker grabbed their bag looking for a (idk the word but it's like a towel but not , you stick it on some1 face and it cools them down) they place it on the sickie. they sickie just dry heaving at this point. they said "sorry.." it's ok. - ¿ ¡ ૮₍ 𖦹 ˕ ×` ₎ა ! ? / 🧛🏻‍♀️ , which haikyuu character do you think this is? also very bad prompt :). again,not a request.

This sounds a lot like Kunimi to me, but I'm also getting Kita, Ennoshita, and Jin (Soekawa) from this. Maybe Yamaguchi too.

For Kunimi, his primary caretaker is the sweet but helpless Kindaichi. Kindaichi really means well, but he's terrible at taking care of sick people, so he just makes everything worse for Kunimi in the end. The rest of Seijoh ends up helping eventually, but it's just Kindaichi for a while, and he does not handle that well. Kunimi basically takes care of himself while Kindaichi stands in a corner muttering apologies. After this incident, Kindaichi resolves to be a better caretaker and starts doing research and taking first aid classes later on.

Kita's primary caretaker is Aran. He's much more competent than Kindaichi and takes good care of Kita for as long as the captain needs it. There isn't much to say after the incident because Aran handles everything so well.

Ennoshita is stuck with the other benched 2nd years (Kinoshita and Narita). They're okay caregivers but nothing special. Ennoshita is the most nurturing of their trio, and with him out of commission, Kinoshita and Narita do their best to help their friend. Ennoshita still has to do some things for himself, but Kinoshita and Narita can at least know the basics of taking care of someone, so Ennoshita still has it better than Kunimi.

Jin gets two caretakers too because why not. His caretakers are Reon and Semi. Both are very experienced with taking care of others and are the unofficial team parents, so Jin has it very good. He recovers pretty quickly thanks to the excellent care he receives from Semi and Reon.

Yamaguchi's primary caretaker is obviously Tsukishima. Daichi and Suga try to help too, but Yamaguchi gets panicked by anyone who isn't Tsuki, so Tsuki has to deal with basically everything. Tsuki also ends up calling Akiteru for help because he's just so out of his depth caring for another person. Akiteru, on the other hand, took care of Tsuki for years and is a wonderful caregiver. Yamaguchi recovers well with the comforting presence of his best friend and the lovely caretaking of Akiteru.

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optimistic-dinosaur-nacho · 4 years

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idea: the reader is jacob barber’s older sister (only by 2 or 3 years) and she was secretly seeing ben’s older brother (just iMaGiNe that he has one) and they get caught holding hands when andy goes to find her and then they tease her on the way back (yk the scene in their house when he goes to find jacob bcs they’re leaving? i hope that makes sense but don’t get pressured bcs you don’t have to do it, it was just an idea)

Andy Barber x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: Language To be honest, I absolutely love this idea! I just have a thing for a father Andy Barber thing. Its horrible to think I want him to be my dad.

~~~

The day was starting to go great so far, you were going through your locker to find your books for your next class. You started looking over those polaroid photos on your locker as you smiled at them.

“Hey, Y/N!” A girl shouts, you turn to wave at the girls, “Hey, guys-” You felt a pair of arms pull you letting you squeal. “Jonathan! Put me down!” You laughed as he spun you and trapped you on the lockers.

“Morning,” He says, you laughed, “Morning.” Jonathan Rifkin. One of the best athletes in the High School.

He has a little brother in Middle school still along with mine. “Do you want to go grab scoops at the ice cream parlor? I heard they added cotton candy,” He says. You slightly gasped, “As much as I would like that cotton candy, I have homework.”

“I can help you with that. Drop some ice cream off, too?”

“You’re not dropping by, remember my dad?” You asked, he didn’t seem to care about your dad. Almost everyone’s parents were lawyers. “Pfft, your dad’s not scary.”

“He is when he can be, come on. It’ll only be just for today. I can facetime you,” You slightly shove him and Jonathan grins. “You know I hate this distancing thing you do.”

“Oh stop, complaining isn’t gonna get you anywhere.”

“Get to class love birds!” A girl calls in a sing songy voice. You rolled your eyes at your best friend and closed your locker. “Come on, I’ll go to class with you.” You two made your way to your next class, his arm holding you close as you did.

The teacher spoke his lecture as you wrote down the notes he had to list. Glancing up to see Jonathan staring at you. You look at him weirdly. What?

He shrugs back at you. Nothing. You ignored him as you smiled, looking back down at your notes. After a few seconds, the comm goes off.

“Attention Archer High is now on lockdown, effective immediately,” The horn blares in the classrooms as the windows began to use the lockdown covers, “All students are to remain in their classrooms.” Everyone began to stand up in panic.

Your heart would’ve collapsed when Jonathan came for you first and helped you over to the wall as one of the earlier procedures from the beginning of the school year. “All right, everyone stay calm.”

Your teacher began to turn off the lights and closed the door and locked it. You sat next to Jonathan, “I’m gonna call Ben, see if he’s okay.” You nod at him as you stayed close to Jonathan.

If your brother is also in lockdown. What is happening? Everyone was on their phones, possibly contacting their parents or gossiping what they’re assuming is happening.

Jonathan groans, “He’s not picking up.”

You look over, “Do you want me to call him?” Jonathan shakes his head, “I called him three times, he’s not picking up.” You reached for your phone and pulled it out.

Finding your dad’s contact, you pulled the phone up to your ear.

“Pick up, dad...”

“Y/N, sweetheart. You okay?” He asks.

You looked around, “Yeah, I’m okay.The high school’s on lockdown, have you heard from Jacob?”

“I did. He’s okay. I was wondering when you’ll call, but you two will be okay,”Your dad said. You sighed, “Who is it? What’s happening.”

“I can’t talk about it right now, sweetheart. Just... Just stay calm and listen to your teachers, do what they say, okay?”

“Is it a psycho shooter, dad?”

“No, it’s nothing like that, honey. You’re safe,” He says, you felt Jonathan pull you closer as you nod, “Okay.”

“All right, I love you,” He said. You lowered your head, “Love you, too.” Then you hung up.

You huddled closer to Jonathan as he rubbed your shoulders.

You returned home not too long after. The police cleared from whatever happened and you walked back home after Jonathan got a call from his parents and he left early.

He didn’t tell you what happened but he left before he could.

You returned home and tried to message Jonathan. He would reply late but you only left it to one message because you didn’t want to stress him. Your mom, Laurie drove you back home along with Jacob’s friend, Derek.

Derek was gonna play video games with him. You sat in your room and looked at your phone. Everything from the news was popping up. A 14-year-old boy was murdered in the Cold Spring Park.

The park where Jacob comes through. You were interrupted by a knock on the door and you shot up, “Come in.”

The door opens to Laurie and Andy. “Hey, sweetheart,” Laurie says, she comes over to sit on the edge of your bed so you lift your knees up. Andy leans on the wooden edge of your bed as they look over.

“How you doing?” Andy asked.

You look up to them, “Who was it? The body, I mean...” Andy had his arms crossed as he looks at Laurie. “It was a kid from Jacob’s school, Ben.”

“Rifkin?” You asked. Andy doesn’t nod but the look on him knew you were right. You dropped your head into your hands. “Honey, what’s wrong?” Laurie asked, you felt her hand on your knee.

“I just...” You sniffled, “I know Ben’s brother and... he must be...” Laurie looks up to Andy heartbroken. He looks at you and walks over, “Hey...” He sits down on the bed and wraps his arm over your shoulder.

“We’re sorry about this. If there’s anything you want to say to us, we’re here for you, okay?” Laurie says, your head gets pulled to Andy’s chest as he rubs his hand down your arm. “We love you. Very much,” Andy said.

You nod, “I know. I love you, too,” Andy smiles as he placed a kiss on her head and then Laurie does. “We’ll talk to Jake about this, okay? We’ll have dinner in 30 minutes.”

The two leave your room and you reached for your phone, going to Jonathan’s contacts and you looked at the message.

Hey, you okay? Read at 8:07

You bite your lip and pulled the phone away before laying flat on your bed. That night you skipped dinner.

The next morning you got up, after not eating dinner, you had a big breakfast. Laurie was packing a few things for you and Jacob while Andy was throwing on a tie.

“How come you didn’t come down for dinner?” Andy asked, you turn to him but looked away. “I wasn’t hungry. I was doing homework.” Laurie and Andy look at each other afterwards and he turned away.

Laurie continues her packing, “I’ll drive you two to school, okay?” Jacob nods while you packed your bag and looked at your phone. Still no messages from Jonathan.

“We’re gonna be late,” Laurie says, rushing over to Andy. “I’ll see you later,” Laurie kisses Andy as he sighs, “Okay. Be good, guys.”

Laurie dropped you off first, stopping just at the front of the school. “Okay, sweetheart, I love you.” You stepped out and grabbed your bag, “Love you too. Bye Jake.”

“Bye,” Jacob said. You closed the door and walked up to the front. “Y/N!” Someone calls out, your best friend, Rose rushed up. “You heard about Ben-?”

“Yeah, have you seen Jonathan?” You asked, Rose looks around, “I saw him with his friends, he seemed pretty upset. I mean by the look on his face, I’m sure he won’t mind you.”

You walked forward and headed down the halls. You went to find his locker. He’s usually by his locker during the mornings with his friends. You walked over to his locker and spotted him with his friends.

You saw his friends leave him on his own, giving you the chance to talk to him. Just him.

Jonathan opens his locker and you leaned next to it. “Hey...” You said, Jonathan looks over and you could see the agony, his eyes were almost red from possibly late night tears and lack of sleep.

You gazed up at him, “Come here.”

He fully turns towards you and you pulled him into a hug. Your arms were pulling his neck down so his head nuzzled in your neck as his arms held your waist. “It’s gonna be okay,” You run your hand through the brown locks in his hair to soothe him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you back,” He muttered.

You grinned, “I’m not mad about that. I understood what you were feeling. It’s okay.”

He pulls away and sniffles, “I was... thinking to have you over.”

“For Ben?” You asked, he nods, “My mom was gonna talk to yours about that, I was thinking you’d hear it from me.” You nod as you took his hand. “Of course, I wanna be there for you.”

“Your dad was there when it happen, right?” He asked, you nod. “No more, okay? I don’t want you to feel any worse than now. I’m sure I can go and get ice cream with you after school.”

Jonathan managed to smile as he leans down. You feel his lips on yours and he pulls away. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

After that day, Laurie had taken you and Jacob to the Rifkin’s house. You were the first one to walk in. People looked at you and your family. You turn to Laurie, “When is dad coming?” You asked. Laurie looks around, “He’ll be here in a few minutes, you and Jacob can go hang out with the kids in the other room. Here, Jake, I can take your coat.”

Jacob removes his coat and Laurie takes it upstairs as you walk into the other room filled with middle school kids.

They all looked at you as you and Jacob walked in. You were the only high school kid in the room. Not till Jonathan came in and he wore a suit and tie. “Hey,” He says, you looked at him and smiled.

“Hey,” You look over to Jacob who sat down on the couch, Jonathan followed your gaze. “Do you want to go up to my room?” He asked. You nod, “Yeah, sure.” You’ve never been to his house but you wanted to. Not like this.

Not for his brother’s murder.

“Hey, dad,” Jonathan says, he entered what looked like Ben’s room. His father, Dan looks over, “This is-uh, Y/N, from school.” You waved softly, “Mr. Rifkin.”

Dan smiles, “You’re Andy’s kid are you?”

You nod, “I’m his oldest. Jacob is my brother.” Dan nods, “You two must be very good to your parents, are you?” He asked.

You nod once again, “We try not to give him a hard time.” Dan smiles sadly as he turns away. A few seconds in, Jonathan cuts the awkwardness, “I’m gonna go show her around in my room.”

“Okay, son.”

You followed Jonathan over to his room, seeing the posters on his wall. His jersey from the school team on his bed with the desk that had controllers and a game console.

You looked around and smiled, “It’s really cool. I like it,” You say, taking a seat on his bed.

Jonathan smiled, “It’s not that cool, I guess. I took hours to clean it.” You laughed lightly as you looked over to him when he sat.

Andy was looking around for Jacob once he got there. People were staring and asking questions about Ben’s case. He didn’t want to give them anything so he wanted to take Jacob with him while Laurie was getting a ride from Toby.

He looks in the room filled with kids as he spotted Jacob in the chair, “Hey.” Jacob looks up and spots his dad, “You ready to go?” He asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Jacob replied. Andy nods at him, “Did you bring your coat?” Jacob nods, “Uh, mom put it upstairs.” Andy nods, “Where’s your sister?”

Jacob looks over to the right, “She went up with some boy, I’m pretty sure she’s upstairs, too.”

“Okay, I’ll go find your coat and sister. Meet me at the front door.”

You held the photo book in your hands as you flipped through the pages. “This is when I first got on a coaster, when I was tall enough.” You laughed, “You were so cute,” You looked over the photos.

“Then I took baseball practice in this picture. Our first game, I scored two home runs,” You hear Jonathan say, you smiled and closed the book. You stood up with Jonathan and held his hands in yours.

He looked down at them and ran his thumbs over them. “You know... every time when I’m alone... I think of him,” You look up to him but his eyes never looked at yours. “But when I’m with you,” He lifts up his head and smiles, “Every thing goes away. It’s just you who I think of.”

You smiled at him and kissed his cheek, “I love you.”

He grins, “I love you, too.”

You heard someone walk over and you both look to his door and saw your father come in view. “Y/N, you here?” He asked as he stops to see you and Jonathan. “Oh,” He says, spotting your hands laced with Jonathan’s, “Hi.”

You cleared your throat and pulled your hand out of Jonathan’s, “Hey, dad.” Andy nods at her, “You ready to go? I was gonna take you and Jake back home.” You saw Jake’s coat in his arms and you look at Jonathan.

You can go.

You nod at Jonathan and nodded at your dad, Andy smiles at Jonathan, “I’ll see you at the front door,” He says to you before leaving. Once he left, you see Jonathan’s eyes go wide.

“Shit, he knows now.”

You smiled, “It’s okay. Even if he was upset, I’d talk him out of it. Now I have to go.”

“Wait!” Jonathan pulls you back and placed a kiss on your lips. You smiled, “Bye.” You stopped and reached over to the jersey on his bed. “I’m stealing this by the way,” You say.

He chuckles, “Just go.” You trotted out of the room with his jersey as you head down the stairs and spotted Andy at the door. Andy looks up to see Jonathan on the stop of the stairs. He gives him a nod and the Barber family walks out.

Andy had his hand on top of the wheel as he glanced over to you. Your hands clicking on the phone, texting what might have been Jonathan. “No texting while I’m driving, Y/N. I’m sure the boy would complain.”

“Dad, don’t start,” You say. He smiles, “Hey, your mother and I were the same, I’m just saying, he’s a good kid. He’s Ben’s brother?”

“Yeah, he is,” You say. Jacob laughs, “Did you catch them in the act?” You turned in your seat and glared at Jacob. Andy chuckles, “Some high school sweethearts.”

“Can you guys stop!” You asked, Andy smiles. “Is he a good kisser?”

You shrugged, “Oh, why don’t you find out, dad!” You say. Jacob cackles in the back as you grew red. Andy looks over, “I scared him, didn’t I? He looked like he saw a ghost.”

“Dad, stop...” You covered your face.

Andy shakes his head as he sighs, “Did you guys get something to eat?” He asks. “Not much,” Jacob replied. You look over to Andy who looks at you for an answer.

“Did you?” He asked, “And don’t tell me it was J-”

“Dad,” You say, “No. Just go to the diner.” Andy grins as he keeps driving. You were red as a tomato through the whole drive.

And none of those boys never ended the teasing ever since.

~~~

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spencermccn · 3 years

Text

✧｡ jeong yunho. twenty three. male. ｡✧ is that SPENCER MOON living at THE LINKS in APARTMENT 202? i heard the ART TEACHER has lived there for FIVE YEARS now. every time you pass by you can hear TONGUE TIED by FABER DRIVE playing. maybe they play it because they’re friends would say they’re the STARRY EYED. it could just me assuming things. even if they would say they are GENEROUS and AFFABLE that doesn’t mean they can’t be PASSIVE or GULLIBLE let’s just stop by and ask them sometime. considering they’d describe themselves as midnight walks and fresh brewed coffee when you can’t sleep, figuring which of your favorite books you want to reread, and paint spattered hands that’s if they’ll actually answer the door. good luck. (ooc: hera, she/her, 26, gmt-6.)

hi loves! i'm sorry i'm here so late, i had to work today and only recently got off! besides that, i'm so excited to be here because it's been a hot dang minute since i've been in an rp, but i'm excited to be with you all nonetheless! until then, i'll be putting a bit below about this lil bean <3

name: moon haneul / 문하늘 / spencer moon nicknames: spence, age: twenty-three dob: 06/30/97 zodiac: cancer sexuality: heterosexual occupation: art teacher [[TW: desertion & homelessness ]]

spencer was born as the oldest child of five children, two younger brothers, and two younger twin sisters. being the eldest, responsibility always fell on his shoulders, which he didn't really mind for the longest time, and for some time he felt proud to take the responsibility of his younger siblings.

his parents working full time only seemed to heavy the load on the boy's shoulders, his growing siblings (and brothers specifically) becoming more and more rebellious. at first, he tried to do the 'authorative brother' thing and help them out, but it only got worse and worse.

his parents' approach was to move their children's schools when things got bad enough, but after the fourth move in two years, spencer had had enough and stood up to his parents, expressing how much he hated being moved around, and that it was hard to have to make friends and plant roots over and over again, only to lose them.

he thought that since he was always a reserved kid, never second guessing or back talking his parents, that they'd at least hear him out. but he was quickly proven wrong, both parents berating him for how ungrateful he was and how at least his younger brothers were thankful for what they had, despite their abhorrent behavior. they ripped into him for what he could've sworn was hours, and when they were done, the boy was left speechless.

by speechless literally meaning that he didn't speak to his family for days, ultimately packing up a backpack the night before their scheduled big move (out of state this time, specifically) to sneak out to a friends house and stay for the night.

of course, he woke up to a flurry of missed calls and messages, his mother, father, and siblings all sounding furious, and he knew it wasn't something he should've done, but he was nothing short of absolutely shocked when finding his house empty, his family indeed leaving before he had came back home.

spence stayed there for a few nights, living out of what he'd packed from his backpack, to wait and see if they'd come back for him, but after a week had passed, then two, he'd lost any hope that may had been left.

for a few months, the at the time sixteen year old would sleep wherever he could, whether that be friend's couches or even an underpass or two, before he was able to land a job at a bakery that was within in his normal path. it was owned by a sweet old lady that he tended to smile extra bright at everytime he walked into her shop. he was able to disguise his living situation majority of the time, but soon enough the woman found out and was kind enough to let him stay in her guest room.

he lived there until he turned eighteen and could rent an apartment on his own, and stayed at that job while he went to school. he didn't end up leaving the job until after graduating college, but he still stops by the bakery frequently.

nowadays he's an art teacher and loves it to pieces. it may not be the best paying job, but that's when he also does art on the side to earn some extra cash.

personality~

he is SUPER friendly tbh. he never meets a stranger and will easily talk your ear off if you allow him.

he loves any and all kinds of art, be it paintings or sculptures, plays, music, books, movies...you name it and he'll easily admire it.

on the topic of admiring, boy is a BIG hopeless romantic! he's got a big weak spot for romcoms/full out romance movies because he loves any and all kind of love stories. if he's in a relationship, he put his entire soul into it, be that little notes or random visits or monthly flowers...anything that he can shower his significant other with affection.

a magnificent cook. he kinda had to learn how to take care of himself as a whole once his family left, and the grandma he lived with cooked for him on the daily. after so long he asked if he could help and learned how to make a variation of different delicious foods.

he will do anything for those he cares about. need him to cover your lunch? sure. need a ride or someone to walk home with because you drank too much? of course. bought a bookshelf and didn’t realize it wasn’t assembled and now need help with it? he’s your guy. just ask him and he’ll likely be there in an instant.

possible connections??

the grandchild of the grandma he stayed with, because after them having seen him a few times at her house, they’d probably be a little confused before learning the whole situation. this could have evolved into a close friendship or even a relationship??

i’d absolutely love a best friend he’s known since he was with his family! maybe even they could’ve let him stay with them while he didn’t have a place to live for a bit? also would lowkey love if they had a stupid bromance like the boys from this movie (x) (x)

a midnight walking buddy, because he has many many sleepless nights and his remedy is to stroll along the city, and he’d be happy to have a friend to talk to while he does so

i’m gonna ask shamelessly, but i’d honestly love like an unknown baby mama for like, y’know, drama 👀👀👀 also bc i’m a sucker for parent plots. but like maybe it could’ve been an ex that unintentionally got knocked up and felt like he wasn’t put together enough to have a kid, so she never told him and tries raising it on her own? granted if or when he were to find out he’d 1000% want to be there, but them trying to figure out each other still would be fun

former & current coworkers! someone who may’ve worked with him at the bakery, or may even a frequent? and someone who works with him at his school, or even a student teacher or so. they could be someone he meets up with for lunch every now and then and talk (one taken, but could have more also if applicable!)

i’d love to have his siblings (granted that may more of a wanted connection on the main, but i digress) but they’d range from probably like 18 to 22!

and literally anything else?? ex girlfriends/hookups (which he’s not usually the type for a hookup, and would prefer a relationship, but we all know how alcohol can get sometimes akdsjf) former roommates, a bad influence?? he’s totally open for options! :D

i apologize for this being so long >.< once again i look forward to talking with all of you and like this if you’d like me to come to you <3

#twenty3:intro

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mysteryofren · 4 years

Text

The First Order Is Going Camping

chapter 31 of So Happy Together

chapter 30: https://mysteryofren.tumblr.com/post/619884938162995200/meet-my-brother

note: i finally got it out i had so much fun at my protest yesterday and i cant wait for yall to read this chapter bc we get to see everyone act like kids and reader has a little interaction with someone special!!

“What's wrong?” you ran over to Hux while he was sitting on the table when you noticed what he had in his other hand.

“I didnt know you smoked.” you said looking at the cigarette he held. He snuffed it out on the bottom of his shoe, and threw it to the ground. You heard his sniffles as he tried to clear his nose up.

“Nobody knows. I started when I was 13. I stole one of my fathers, and I've been hooked to it ever since.” He sighed and you sat next to him. Taking him into your arms you asked him what was wrong again.

“Phasmas right. What if the first order doesn't make it through college?” He said through his tears.

“We’ll make it. We love each other too much to not make it.” just then another clap of thunder was heard over your voice.

“I just don't want to lose you all. You’re the closest thing I have to a family.”

“Yeah but Hux we still have holidays.”

“Phasmas family is in California, Matt and Elaine live far away. You and I are the only ones who live in Tatooine.” he said

“Well technically I live in Mos Eisley since that's where my parents are.” he looked at you with a sad, and scared look on his face.

“If it helps I’ll end up living here with pop pop.” you said trying to comfort him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his carton of cigarettes. Out of everything you’ve heard of Hux doing smoking was the one thing you never expected. It made sense, but you still never thought he would. You leaned your head against his shoulder and stared out into the forest. It was dark. Really dark. More so than usual with the rain coming.

You thought for a second while you heard the sound of him taking a drag. He was scared. The great Armitage Hux was terrified of the thought that he may lose his friends. You’ve known him for so long, but you only just got to really know him. Before you had only known the basics about him. Now you knew who he really was. What he feared. What he stood for. What he loved. You learned he wasn't just another Hux. He stood out from the rest of the Hux family. He was Armitage. He was better than any Hux there was. Part of you wonders if he even wants to be a Hux. you decided to take a risk and ask a question you've always wanted to ask.

“Why do you hate your name?” he released the smoke from his lungs, and placed a hand on your knee.

“My mother loved it. My real mother. My father raised me to think she was a good for nothing whore. He told me how much he hated the name, and wished she had never chosen it. Part of me hates it because he does.”

“And the other part of you?”

“The other part of me likes it, because it's one of the few things of hers that I have. I wish I had met her. Known her. but I don't even know where to look for her.”

“Maybe you should try. It would be worth a shot. I mean someone has to know who she is.”

Just then the back door opened. He quickly put the cigarette out under his shoe again and threw it to the ground.

“We thought we saw you guys out here.” Matt said. He came around to you guys, and you saw him hand in hand with Elaine.

“What's wrong red? You look like hell.” Elaine asked. He simply smiled, and opened his arms for her to hug him. She let go of Matts hand and walked into his arms.

“You know I'm going to miss you calling me red when I'm off at college.”

“You’ll always be red to me.” she pulled away and messed up his hair before going back to Matt. you all started talking again when the back door opened once more.

“What are we all doing out here?” Phasma asked.

“Just talking.” you wrapped one of your arms around Hux, and lifted your head up.

“Well since we are all here why don't we take a vote on the last day's activities.” Hux suggested.

“Great idea!” Phasma exclaimed. “Ok so all in favor of going skating, then camping for the last days hang out raise your hand.”

You raised your hand along with everyone else in the group. It was clear this was the only choice.

“Then it's settled. The first order is going camping.” you all cheered and laughed when you felt something fall on your face. It was a single drop of rain. Almost instantly it began pouring and you all were getting soaked. Hux gasped as the rain came down. Surprisingly the rain washed out the product from his hair, and it flopped over his face. You laughed at the sight, and ran your fingers through the red strands. Matt started running around letting the rain wash over his body. Elaine did the same as they chased each other and played.

You got up from your spot next to Hux and joined them. After a minute you decided to stop, and you reached your hands out to him and Phasma. They both took your hands, and you dragged them along with you so you all could mess around. You all ran around, and played for only a few minutes before you heard your name get called out. You turned to the door, and saw your parents standing at the door. Everyone was looking outside at all 5 of you. Through heavy breaths you stared at them before your grandfather pushed past them. He slowly walked out into the rain too.

“Let them be kids.” he said before pushing them back inside. You smiled at him through the window, and you all continued playing as the storm raged on. You heard thunder, and soon a bolt of lightning lit up the sky. Matt had tackled Hux and they played on the ground. Gideon finally found some energy, and started playing with you guys too. You felt like the kid you never got to be. Elaine, and you chased the boys before she tripped and fell in the grass. You joined her wanting to make as big of a mess as you could. Phasma and the boys soon joined you on the ground. You all held hands as the rain came down on you guys. Gideon had enough after a few minutes and sat by the door.

The cold from the rain was finally settling into your bones, but you didn't care. You were having so much fun with them. It wasn't until an hour after you all started playing that your grandfather walked out with an umbrella. He looked down at you all on the ground. You all were laughing, and holding hands. He smiled at the image.

“As much as I hate to ruin your fun, you all will catch your deaths out here.” he held his hand out to you, and helped you up. You all walked in where he had towels sitting for you all.

“I got clothes you guys can wear.” You said to Phasma, and Elaine.

“And I too, have some clothing you boys can wear.” your Grandfather said. you all went up stairs, and you took the girls to your room to change. The boys went off with your grandfather, and you and the girls started getting changed. You gathered up all their clothes, to take them to wash. On your way to the washroom you stopped at your grandfather's door and knocked. The door opened, and behind your grandfather you saw Hux, and Matt changing.

“Can I get their clothes so I can wash them?” you asked. He smiled, and closed the door, opening it again with a ball of wet clothes in his hand.

You walked downstairs to get to the laundry room, and while passing a window you notice it's still raining, and hard too. When you finally get to the laundry room you see Gideon sitting.your grandfather must have put him there to dry off. Quickly you stick everything in the washer, and start the load. After you grab one of the towels from the basket sitting on the dryer, and begin to dry the old dog. He lets out a low groan as you begin to rub him down all over. You make sure to get his paws really good so he can't track mud into the house. Once you stop drying him he gives off a sad whimper. You took that as him not wanting you to stop. You sit down, and he puts his head in your lap. While petting him you decided to talk to him.

“I don't know what i'm gonna do. What happens after they leave us huh?” grabbing his muzzle you bring his face to eye level with yours and give his nose a kiss.

“On top of that, the whole Ben thing hasn't gotten better. Rey wasn't at graduation so I talked to him like a supreme dumbass. I mean I know she didn't want to walk, but she didn't even show up to see him walk. Do you think somethings wrong?” he gives you another groan as a response.

“Yeah. I should text her.” without any hesitation you bring your phone out, and look for her number. Staring at it you wonder if you should bother. If she didn't show up that must mean something, right? Something could also be wrong. The sound of you typing fills the small room you and Gideon sat in.

‘Hey! You weren't at graduation today, Elaine was really looking forward to you being at her party, and I thought for sure you would be there for Ben. I hope everythings alright. Call me? Let me know you’re okay.’ putting the phone to your side you continue to pet Gideon. About 5 minutes later your phone lights up. The photo on the screen was you, and Rey at Amilyns which let you know who was calling.

“Rey! What's wrong? Is everything okay?” you said upon picking up.

“Yeah everything's fine.” her voice hinted otherwise.

“I can tell it's not. Talk to me Rey, I'm worried.”

She stayed silent. Anxiety ran through your body as you wondered what could have been wrong.

“We broke up. 2 days ago.”

“Oh Rey. i'm so sorry. Do you want to hang out? We can do something to take your mind off of it.”

“No need, I left town.”

“You what? Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Im fine, I'm with Finn and Poe. Were in Jakku since festival season is about to start.”

“Will you be back in time for Yale?”

“Of course I will. I just can't be in that town right now. Not with him roaming around.”

“I'm so sorry Rey. if there's anything you want me to do please let me know.”

“I will.” Neither of you said anything, but stayed on the phone when you finally decided to say goodbye.

“Before you go..” she said

“Yeah what's up?”

“I love you. I never said it before, but I should have. You're a good friend.”

“I love you too Rey.” after the words left your mouth you heard the sound of her hanging up.

They were done. Really done. What happened between them? There were A LOT of problems, but you never would have thought they would break up. You leaned your head against the washer, and wondered how it could have gone down. Did he dump her? Did she dump him? Was it mutual? The questions raced through your mind, and you figured she would tell you when she's ready.

“Guess everyones leaving buddy.” Gideon responded by licking your face. You didn't even get to say goodbye to her. She just. Left. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe had she stayed things would've gotten worse between Ben, and her. Slowly you got up from where you were with Gideon, and went back to hang out with everyone. You saw Matt, and Hux had changed. Hux fit into your grandfather's clothes well. Matt on the other hand was much bigger. It looked like he was wearing kids clothes almost.

You stayed back not wanting to get caught up in the crowd. Soon you felt like someone else was with you. The older man stood next to you as you both watched the party from a distance.

“I don't like things like this either kid.”

“I know. It seems like no matter what kind of party it is we always end up this way.” you looked up, and Han smiled at you.

“Ya know I always liked you. You always had this lively energy to you that none of us have. It was always refreshing to have around at those stupid parties.”

“Thanks Han.” You look over to another corner, and see Kylo, and Ben talking.

“So what's the deal with Kylo? He seems. Odd.”

“He's a good kid. Studying journalism. He’s in one of those stupid biker gangs.” you let out a laugh when he said that.

“Really? A biker gang?”

“Yup. The knights of Ren. Dumbest name I've ever heard.”

“I only had like a minute long conversation with him, but I can tell he takes after you.

“What gave you that idea?” he asked while taking a drink from the cup in his hand.

“Well the first thing he did when I met him was try to embarrass Ben. Also Matt, and Ben are so much like Leia. I mean one of em has to be like you. My guess would be the one who's using his time to travel in a biker gang.”

“Good guess. Leia thinks it's why we don't get along.”

“You guys don't get along?”

“No. ever since he was 15 it felt like we were constantly at war with each other.”

“Never too late to change that.”

“I guess kid.” Leia looked over to you two, and he gave her a wink, and a smile.

“Let's get back before we get dragged back.” He walked off, and made his way over to where Leia and your parents were. You watched as he awkwardly interacted with your dad. Guess he was right. It's better to go back now than have someone look for you. You walked out from the room you both were in, and looked around. Elaine was introducing Matt to more of her family. They looked so happy. He kept staring at her with nothing but absolute love in his eyes. He finally had the girl he had been after for years.

Hux, Phasma, and your grandfather were talking with Elaine's parents. You just wish Rey was here. She had become almost an unofficial member of the first order. She would have loved this. She loved parties. Now she's in the wasteland that is Jakku with a broken heart. The only thing making you feel better about it was that Finn, and Poe had gone with her. You decide to go where your grandfather was. You walk over, and listen to the conversation they were having. Absentmindedly you stared off. Not looking at anything particular, just staring. You realized you were staring at Ben. How was he doing with the break up? Was he hurting? Or was he glad it was over? You watched as he and Kylo talked. They must be close. Closer than Matt, and Ben were. You never really saw Ben and Matt hang out. Matt was always with you guys, and Ben had always been with Rey, or Finn, or Poe. Kylo looked over to you, and smiled weakly. You smiled back, and he winked at you without Ben noticing. He was like Han.

tags: @wumboho @pylopenpolo @duty-isnt-always-honour @wondering-wishing-well

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transrightsjimin · 3 years

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was on the phone w my parents for 1 hour and almost 40 minutes today and on the one hand i think it was good to keep each other up to date on stuff and give them that social interaction they rly crave, but on the other hand i feel so fucking weird abt not saying anything when my mom talked abt having done smth very racist + pro-cop nd i was just so shocked and saddened but also didnt know what to say??

like she is in one of those neighbourhood whatsapp group chats ('buurtpreventie apps') (which are unfortunately rly popular in recent years), in which people from a certain street or flat contact each other to keep an eye on each other aka use it to report random black or arab people to the cops. which she did when two men were in her flat to collect money for charity nd apparently it was a scam bc the permit wasnt for that specific charity that week but just. my mom talking abt how she snitched on them nd the rest of the flat of even older people encouraging that, nd worst of all my mom going 'kijk dit klinkt vast een beetje racistisch maar het waren twee donkere mannen dus we dachten dat dat dezelfde waren als de oplichters waar we over hoorden' HELLO??? 🤢 like i had to say smth but then i fucking didnt bc i was just so weirded out and know how threatening my mom gets when shes criticized. like i just dont know how to get some sense or compassion into her head bc she's blocking it all. she used to be a socialist who even supported anarchists and protest state violence and now she's just.... vaguely in agreement w criticism of class structures but as soon as it's about strictness if tax authorities to the poor, or about racism, her support stops and ppl are criminal to her. it's so tiresome. so im frustrated i didnt say anything but then DID talk the ears if my dad's face by trying to explain where mask skepticism came from nd how the govt and conspiracy theorists were to blame for this and why they do this (money), but i was rambling too much prob nd my dad just doesnt follow anything bc old nd adhd nd former alcoholic (he also didnt understand what memes r which i realized too late after trying to tell him mama sent me a 13 page pdf w bad memes) nd so eventually he noted 'but please don't eh get into the opposite side of these conspiracy theories, believing in other ones' nd im just 🤦‍♂️ i prob sounded fuckingrly incomprehensible nd extreme to him??

he also asked me what i thought of the sylvana simons interview in the interview he gifted me nd i said i liked it but was side eyeing some repeated, rethorical questions she was asked abt 'extremist muslims!!'. he seemed more positive abt BIJ1 / sylvana than my mom who completely discredits them just solely based on the racist general public's treatment of her, whereas my dad seemed kind of curious but also tone policed how sylvana should have not sounded this angry and how he found it strange she kept bringing up 'minorities' and *very confused* ' l.. g... b...t ... q .. uhh'. which is still somehow better than my mom who immediately discredited her political party based on nonsense racists spout for years so i guess the bar is on the ground

nd ALSO me telling my dad contact w my mom is difficult was met w him relativating it by saying my mom is in severe pain bc chronic pains nd illnesses nd even worse lately, shes on her way to become deaf (p much is on one ear nd the other almost) nd was too stubborn to get a hearing aid (but then was more willing to in the end). but anyway his argument is not to be so harsh at mama for being so snappy bc shes in pain nd has bleeding intestines again nd hears these noises bc of her messed up ears so cant sleep etc and then theres just regular back and hip nd knee pains she has bc of deteriorating bones bc medication. like i get thats horrible nd i do get that thats why her moods change so much nd shes so scary to talk to but i dont think thats a reason to never ask her to maybe not say or do smth abusive or bigoted??

like at the time i was happy that they were finally a bit more satisisfied bc i talked to them for a long time but im just really so puzzled on what to say to them when they say smth horrible, like. i feel like i have to try to educate them nd not make them (especially my mom) move further to the right nd to racist rethoric. nd i dont even think her racist views changed that much (though she did luckily, though only somewhat, changed her mind on zwarte piet) but the netherlands is just so behind on shit that even acknowledging racism exists here is incomprehensible to ppl like her and enrages them so much bc its seen as a personal insult. like idk what to say to an old white woman who had threatened to slap me if i ever called her actions racist again, and who clearly believes in cops and antiblackness so much just like the average member of a buurtpreventie app, that calling cops on black men is justified to her. like idk how to change someones mind bc she never listened to me nd only gets aggressive nd i have to stay nice and never confront her actions bc shes in insufferable pain???? what about other disabled people who r in chronical pains and SUFFER bc of racism?? like white disabled people rly get a free pass on being shitty bc of feeling bad but the same mentality isnt applied to poc. like she's rly become a stubborn old adult who doesnt listen to / read what others state unless it doesnt challenge her views or if its on tv or whatsapp groups, nd anything confronting is met w insults or passive agressiveness. like idk how to educate ppl like that bc my parents (esp mom) clearly refuse to be open to that, and they dont use social media nd cant read the same level of english as me so all info has to be in dutch but also everything is seen as a personal insult or 'too elitist' language so i rly dont know what to do. like i want to be more than a fucking ally on only the internet nd maybe 1 or 2 protests per year, but idk how to get through the thick skulls of people 30-40 years older than me who r so hard to communicate w bc they dont get technology, social media, newer language, poc, lgbt stuff, cant read a lot of english nd stop reading at difficult words etc ???

#rambles #like im just lost #family stuff

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hobiwonder · 5 years

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Teen Idle | (m)

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Smut. PWP

Warnings: Unprotected sex, creampie, blowjob, dry humping, exhibitionism, dirty talk, degrading language, mentions of religion in a negative light. Mentions of infidelity.

Summary: “Wish I’d been a teen, teen idle Wish I’d been a prom queen, fighting for the title Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal The wasted years, the wasted youth The pretty lies, the ugly truth And the day has come where I have died Only to find I’ve come alive” - Teen Idle by Marina

OR: You’d been a good girl and for what? Hedonistic adventures of a church girl turned.... well, bad.

Words: 6k+

A/n: Bad like this absolutely last minute smut lmao eejhbduefhebfuejdn i wrote this in two days and this was NOT on my list of WIPs until like a day ago so I apologise if this isn’t your cup of tea. But tysfm to @yminie for the AMAZING mood board I forever will be amazed by her talents. Not beta read bc it’s my baby’s bday and i dont wanna be sending over work for her to read over!! pls let me know if you enjoyed. I loved writing hoseok ravage me in my mind :’))).

It was hard to understand what exactly was your place in the world. Ever since you’d been a young girl, growing up in a conservative house with a preacher for a father and a very strict mother to match – you had known nothing but disciple, purity and how to make conscientious choices knowing that god is watching at all times. Even to think of an anomalous thought earned you a solitary confinement in your room with the holy book itself to make your wrongs in to rights. Your parents couldn’t have the preacher’s daughter being just like those insolent teenagers that you went to school with – could they?

The whole of your youth had been spent singing in choirs, volunteering at church on every Sunday and making sure each moment of your life was free from sin and impurity. You never wanted to be like the drugged, easy harlots that went to your impure school. You were better than that. You were better than them. That’s what you’d been told your whole life. To be better than everyone else in the eyes. It did not matter to you that you didn’t have a social circle surrounding you like the rest of your peers that you witnessed on a daily basis – making out freely and shamelessly on the hood of their cars after school or even before school.

“You’re better than these heathens, y/n. Remember that. The lord will reward you for your resistance.” These words have been spoken to you so many times you’d lost count. Your father was a strict man and every punishment, every lesson came down to this; being better than those ‘heathens.’ It wasn’t to say that you regretted servicing the church as a teenager, spending your nights sorting out bulletins instead of crashing college parties like the girls in your class giggled about in the hallways. Charitable work was regarding high in the eyes of the lord. And this life was temporary. You had the whole of heaven to look towards after passing from this world and the hedonistic people that inhabited it.

You wanted to be nice and virginal because in the eyes of the lord, in the holy book, that was more desirable than being an easy slut. Society still valued the innocence, perceived dependency, and sexual inexperience of a female virgin, while shunning women when they “corrupt” themselves by giving themselves away and you’d been a fool when you’d given it all away to one man that you’d thought was the one for you. But what did you get in return? A cheating bastard who’d been sleeping with his secretary – quarter his age.

“Y-Y/n!” your whole body had been on auto pilot and your feet had taken you straight towards your car while Sehun had ran after you – shirt unbuttoned and haphazardly tucked in to his slacks after the scandalous scene you had walked in to at his office.

“Y/n, wait! I can explain!” you’d been told all your life that rage was a sin too. Never to let the anger consume your brain enough to make it cloudy with bad decisions and yet, you hadn’t cared then when you’d turned out – heaving with so much anger you weren’t sure if it was possible to explode from just one emotion.

“Explain what?! What is there to explain?” Your tone is louder than the gentle croon it always was, speaking gracefully and politely like good girls from noble, pious families did. It the surprise on Sehun’s face at your outburst is almost as surprising as finding out that your fiancé had been sleeping with another woman for god knew how long!

But that’s right isn’t it? God knew everything and he had known about this too. So why did he think you deserved this? Did you not deserve to be happy? With a fiancé, a good job, a ‘good’ family? Where did you go wrong?

You’d given up your body for this man thinking he’d done the same. He’d given you himself in return and you had felt whole – at least then. So why did you feel so conned now? Why did you feel the regret creep up now at giving up your purity, your virginity to a man you had given everything to and gotten absolutely nothing from?

“I can’t believe you’re talking to me like that.” The look of utter surprise with an undertone of disgust had you wanting to hurl your bag to his face – wiping away the contorted expression as if he’d met the most vile person on earth. He was in in place to be chastising you after being caught fucking his secretary and yet he had the nerve to do it anyway?

“Fuck you, Sehun.” That’s the last thing you’d uttered to his face, surprising even yourself at your boldness before you’d dashed out of the lot to where you sat now. The bar that was closest to your work building while you’d been driving by. Your emotional state was somewhere between a mess because of your time wasted with Sehun and feeling bitter as you questioned your whole life. What did you have to show for all those years spent following the rules, being a good religious girl only to break one of the most scared rules for a man that didn’t give a crap about you?

You felt dirty and disgusting and craved the glory that you felt within you – like you were better than the people surrounded by you – pure and almost godly. It fed the narcissist in you that your parents had made you out to be. Always telling you that you were better than everyone else out there because of who you were and how you lived your life. Sure your co-workers thought you a but stuck up. But of course – they weren’t the ones with a modest job, a fiancé, a perfect home at such a young age. They were just bitter that your life was flawless and you had it all while staying pure and remembering god while the heathens out there could never have both.

At least that’s what you’d thought. How did you even fool yourself in to believing that you could have it both ways? Have pre-marital sex while trying to live a life that ensured you your place in heaven. Why did it all seem like a waste of time? You’d been a fool and lived a lie. Thinking that being a good Christian girl instead of living a life like the typical teenager did would ensure that you avoided heartache such as this. But it happened anyway. So why? Why had you been so good? Why did you waste your youth burning up a bible while your peers were out there making these mistakes already; probably learning how to avoid men exactly like Sehun than being a fool almost nearing 30 and never having had intimate relationships – at least not like the one you had with Sehun. You’d given him your virginity for goodness sake.

“What would you like ma’am?” The bartender looked at you – slightly unsurely as you stared up at his face just as confused, having never been at a bar like this alone. In fact, you could count on one hand the times you had visited a bar and it had been with Sehun to attend work functions that you both usually left early to pray together before you went to bed at 10pm promptly. God, you were a fucking disaster. And maybe this was a mid-life crisis because even you weren’t sure you’d make it to 60 years old let alone live a normal life in to your elderly years.

“She’ll have a vodka tonic.” The deep, sultry voice was unmistakably of someone you had known very well at work. Well, known was a bit of an over statement.

The bartender nodded, getting to mixing your drink straight away while all the golden skinned, glowing sharp features and a lithe body and a perfect coy smile that was Hoseok, took a seat beside you on the bar stool. His hair was parted and the tie he’d been sporting at work today was loosened around his neck but the blazer still stayed. He looked like a sin you wanted to commit and you couldn’t believe that your mind was so loose tonight that it had even allowed you to think lustful thoughts rather than filtering them out of your system like you’d trained it to.

“Mr. J-Jung.”

“We’re not at the office anymore Y/n. Please call me Hoseok.” He smiled at you so brightly that if you weren’t so at war with yourself internally; you may have even returned it. Usually you avoided much contact with the opposite sex as you already had a fiancé and looking at strange men was not looked upon favourably in the eyes of god. Especially men that induced such lustful thoughts in your mind… But did that even matter anymore? Why had you done all of that when it in the end you’d been fucked over by life anyway? Were you just another pathetic woman; like the ones you despised and told yourself that you were nothing like them?

“Never thought I’d see you at a bar, let alone, by yourself. What’s happening? Lover boy skip a date to go to church?” He chuckles at his own joke and you can’t bring yourself to fight with him. Because at the moment you were questioning every aspect of your life, every opportunity missed and every mistake not made.

Fuck Sehun. Fuck him. Fuck religion. Fuck the people who fooled you in to thinking that you were special. Because if you were then why did this happen? You were no better than any other woman out there even when you kept yourself the cleanest you could. You denied yourself the pleasures that everyone indulged in – thinking and even feeling to some extent like the godly being you were told to strive to be.

“No. He diched me to fuck his secretary at his office.” Your casual response has Hoseok’s eyes going wide, spluttering for a moment before he’s shaking his head as if trying to wrap his head around what you’d told him.

“First of all, never thought I’ll hear you swear,” He shoots you a smirk before a more sombre look takes place on his face, “Damn. Holy shit. I’m sorry to hear that y/n. How could he do that to… toyou.”

Maybe you’d be offended if the context and the circumstances were different. But they weren’t. And it was true. You had thought yourself to be better than everyone else you worked with and thought that you deserved it all. It was your reward for following the rules that god made man to follow. But of course, where did that get you? A lost virginity that made you feel like a whore with even actually being one, not knowing what was true and what wasn’t and the regret. The fucking regret that in your late 20s you had wasted your youth and never gained the ability to deal with a heartbreak such as this. Suddenly, you craved it all. You wanted to go back in time, fuck every guy on the basketball team, fall in love with all of them just for them to break your heart the next week. Drink yourself to oblivion to numb the pain of said heart break or eat your feelings. Do everything that would prepare you for today so could handle these feelings like an actual strong woman and not one whose confidence lay solely on god. Who waved around a false sense of superiority because she didn’t drink? Didn’t smoke? Had only slept with the man she was going to marry?

You’d wasted all those years like a fucking fool. And of course, Hoseok, who teased you the most about being the way you were – stuck up – to witness your downfall.

“Well, he did.” You’re nonchalantly taking a sip of a drink you’ve never had before but thankfully you’re not spitting it back out like a rookie as the alcohol burns its way down your throat and settles in your system. Already making your body temperature rise and you weren’t even through with all of the glass.

“What a shitbag.” Normally you would reprimand anyone who sore in front of you but today; you just shrugged. Still deep in thought, letting the regret take you over as you downed another glass, the pleasant haze of feeling tipsy tearing down your walls of defence and your inhibitions.

“Well, as much as I dislike you for being a killjoy at work and having your nose in the air every time someone even walks by you; I apologise on the behalf of male species. Never thought any bad would be happening to you.” He’s snorting to himself as he drinks his own glass of whiskey, gesturing the bartender to fill your glasses once more. And while he does; you look at him. Reallylook at him. You no longer want to deny that Jung Hoseok was a devastatingly charming man. He was a favourite around the office and you’d never seen him without some sort of smile on his handsome, sharp face. When you’d first started work at his department; he’d tried to flirt with you on day one but you’d quickly shut him down, holding on to your cross necklace as you told him you didn’t court men that easily. But as you watched his easy stance, the way his thighs spread out naturally to accommodate him and the dishevelled look of his hair from running his hands through it; you wanted him.

You wanted him to make you forget. You wanted to live out each and every fantasy you had and make up for the lost years you spent holed up as a teenager. And who best to do it with the most handsome and effervescent man you knew? Sure, you’d only given him dirty looks each time you caught him in the break room making out with a different co-worker every other week. But you were a hypocrite. Because in this moment, you wanted nothing more than to be one of those girls. You wanted him to fuck you on every surface of every building. You wanted to be an actual whore than pretend like you were treated any better than one. Discarded to the side so easily by Sehun.

“You okay, y/n?” He’s looking at you now and you know that he’s caught the spark in your eyes, no doubt being able to tell that you weren’t the y/n he worked with on the daily basis. You realise; that version of you had died the moment you’d caught Sehun in the act. This was the new you and she wanted to make up for lost time and suddenly, you felt jittery and moist between your legs as you glanced at Hoseok’s fingers circling the mouth of the glass.

“I will be. If you can help me.” Your voice is soft but determined as you stare him square in the eyes. Sometime during the night, he’d somehow moved closer to you, face now inches away from yours as his own shamelessly took in your pencil skirt and your collared blouse. To proper and put together for his liking. And now, to your own as well.

“You really mean that?” His voice is deliciously husky and it sends a chill down your spine but you nod your answer anyway. Not breaking eye contact with his glossy ones.

“I need you to say it sweetheart.” And you will. Because tonight you wanted nothing more than to feel the feelings you had avoided your whole life – thinking that somehow you’ll remain a better person than everyone you knew.

“W-Will you… will you fuck me Hoseok? Show me what good girls can’t have? Make me regret ever not wanting to let you have me on that day?” Even to your ears, your voice sounds foreign. Never being so openly blunt and shameless. But you knew that Hoseok doesn’t care because he’s cursing under his breath, muttering a ‘fuck’ as he rakes his gaze over your body once more. Then, he’s pushing back his glass while he holds on to your wrist – dragging you out of the bar with him.

“W-Where are we going?”

“To fuck.” Your face is going red and the blood in your veins is bubbling from excitement. You were being careless and reckless and yet; you’d never felt so alive before. This really was your new life. And you could do everything you hadn’t in your past one. Hoseok has your hand firmly in his own as he’s pushing you in to a darkened alley next to the bar. The night air is slightly cool and people are still walking by once in a while to access the bar. In an instance, you’re pushed up against the brick wall, the rough edges digging in to your back harshly as Hoseok blankets your body with his own, towering over you. You’re breathing hard and watching his each move while he only places both of his arms on either sides f your head.

“Do you really want this y/n? Because this is your last chance before I have you the way I’ve always wanted.” And somehow, your breathing is getting faster as you stare at him expectantly.

“I am. U-Use me Hoseok. It’s what I want.” I want to feel like a dollar whore. I want your cum dripping out of me. I want to have your cock in my mouth until the day I die.

It was as if your previous self had been so deprived to the point that the new life you suddenly have made you a nymphomaniac as the default setting. Wanting nothing more than to do anything and everything to fill that deep ache you felt inside your soul and now your pussy. Hell, your previous self wouldn’t have even said any of these words even in your thoughts.

And Hoseok needs no more reassurance as he’s pushing up your skirt in a haste – in a public place, mind you, where anyone could walk by and see two figures huddled up against the wall – and then pulling down your modest white cotton panties that were now soaked.

“Fuck, you’re this wet already? I always knew you were so prim and proper to hide the inner slut in you. Weren’t you baby?” And all you do is nod slowly, watching him hitch up your legs as he settles them on his waist to steady you. All the while his eyes grow increasingly frantic, watching you tremble beneath him. In a way – he was also getting to taste the unforbidden fruit and you were more than willing now. Ready to rid yourself of your virtue that you’d held on to so tightly – at least in spirit.

“Answer me, y/n. Did you always want me? Hm? You always wanted my cock?” His voice is gravely and it sends shivers down your spine that’s perched up against the brick wall.

Something about letting a practical stranger like Jung Hoseok take you in such a public setting was so sensual and erotic to you that you were a mess between your legs, sticky arousal smearing the insides of your thighs as Hoseok looked down between you both. But to your surprise – he doesn’t open his belt buckle as you’d assumed he would. Instead – he’s pushing his hips in to yours, mashing his hardened length against your naked pussy and the breath is taken straight out of your lungs.

“H-Hoseok.”

“Yeah baby?” His hips have started to roll a steady rhythm against your soaked core and you know that he’s making a mess of his own slacks every single time he’s rubbing his cock against your sticky core. And affectively helping you get ever so close to that peak you’d been familiar with but never quite so intensely. Sure, you’d thought Sehun was good in bed but in comparison to whom? Hoseok wasn’t even inside you and you were a mess already. The pleasure so intense and concentrated that the noises that were leaving your lips were almost uncontrollable. As if no matter how much you’ll try; they’ll escape you anyway, painting the dim lilted walls of the alley with your breathy sighs and cries of Hoseok’s name.

A man who you were not courting nor were you even remotely romantically involved with. And saying his name over and over again only made you wetter knowing that fact. It was an act of defiance against your own beliefs and you were going to yell his name in ecstasy any chance you got.

“I need you,” your moan that comes out more as a whine only makes him smirk and push his hips harder in to you, pushing your back farther up against the rough brick wall as it grazes your back almost painfully. And you love every second of it.

“Need me where, y/n?” He’s fastened his pace, resorting to now just a quick grind of his hips in between your legs to deliciously put pressure on you bundle of nerves – almost never detaching from your hips at all.

“Ah! I-In me. Oh god. I-I’m-”

“Already? Such a hungry cock slut.” Hoseok tuts, eyes never leaving your face that’s contorted in a look of almost pain because of being so dangerously close to the edge. Your hands are clawing his back and his face is buried in the crevice of your neck, picking away at the threads that held your sanity close until each string was giving away to the carnal lust that flowed all throughout your body. You weren’t wanting to fight any sensation that you felt. But somehow, your mind still tried to fight off the impending orgasm despite knowing that’s exactly what you wanted. You wanted a release. You to let go. But Hoseok isn’t exactly making it easy for you. Because the next thing you know – he’s pushed you down on your knees until you were level with his hips and looked up hazily in to his own hungry eyes.

“You don’t get to cum so easily my dear y/n. Not after all these years I had to put up with your self-righteous attitude only to have your slutty mouth ask for my cock. You need to earn it.” He’s almost spitting out the words while he unbuckles his pants, the sound of his belt buckle opening and the sight of his veiny arms sending another trickle of arousal out of your pussy – panties still around your ankles and skirt still pushed up high.

Slowly, he’s fisting out his throbbing cock that has you gasping when you take in the length and its girth as well. He was bigger and wider than Sehun but a good few centimetres and the thought of his cock stretching you out terrified and excited you all at once. Giving it a few shallow pumps as he smears the pearly white liquid around his length – he eyes you expectantly, gesturing with his chin to come forward.

“Get to work babe. If you want this cock inside you – you better show me how much you want it.” Your eyes most look like a deer caught in the headlights because after a few seconds, Hoseok is cursing under his breath before he’s fisting your hair – only to tilt your face up harshly.

“Open your mouth wide, y/n.” And as if in a trance, you do. With one quick thrust – Hoseok is hitting the back of your throat, making you gag around his slightly salty cock.

“Fuck. Your mouth is a sin in itself babe. And you know I’m the biggest sinner.” He’s spitting out every word between clenched teeth as he thrusts his cock in your mouth again and again. Your jaw already starting to ache as it opened almost painfully wide to accommodate his length while he continued his assault on your mouth.

You’re trying to keep your breathing even and breath through your nose so you don’t faint. The moans that escape you are again – unstoppable. You’d never given Sehun head because he’d deemed it ‘disgusting’ and ungodly behaviour. And yet – you’d found him with his cock buried deep in his assistant’s throat. The act itself with Hoseok’s handsome face peering down at you – lips between his teeth and hands guiding your movements – you can’t remember the last time or anytime in fact, you’d felt this sensual. This erotic and sultry and just plainly like a whore.Giving this beautiful man head in a dark alley with your skirt bunched up to your waist and ass exposed to anyone who could be passing by.

And what do you know – you can hear steps approaching the alley and on instinct, you try to pull away. But it’s hard when Hoseok’s nimble fingers are gripping your hair so tightly to the point where it stings. And with every passing second, you can hear the steps getting closer.

Your voices of protest are muffled while Hoseok only chuckles above you. “You think I care if someone sees you with my cock down your throat? You need to know,” He’s moaning out before he continues, “that your place is on your knees – before me. Like the cock slut you always have been hiding under your granny panties and high collared shirts.”

You can only muffle out a moan around his assaulting member as he continues to fuck your mouth while lewd, sloppy sounds fill the alley.

“F-Fuck. I’m going to c-cum babe.” His pace has increased and he’s frantically pushing his length deeper and deeper in your mouth while you try to suck on the tip of his engorged head as much as you can. And just when he’s about to cum – a voice all too familiar interrupts you both.

“Y/N? Is… Is that you?” You can hear Sehun approach the two figures he can probably only see vaguely. Your eyes shoot towards his direction and you know exactly the moment he’d recognized your voice and your form that’s sitting on the alley floor.

“Y/N!” Sehun has rushed forwards, grabbing your shoulders in a haste as he pushes Hoseok off of you. You’re sitting there with saliva dripping from your swollen mouth, eyes glazed over while Hoseok is only chuckling as he slips his hardened length back in his pants.

“How dare you do that to her?!” He’s roaring at Hoseok who looks like he doesn’t give two fucks about Sehun catching you with your mouth around his cock. He clearly had the wrong idea. Thinking you’d been forced. Just when you’d collected enough breath and reason in your mind – you push Sehun away forcefully while you walked towards Hoseok who was leaning against the opposite wall.

“Y/N…”

“What Sehun? What do you want?” You’re looking behind you as you walk towards Hoseok – completely throttled and thrashed with your skirt up to your waist – panties around your thighs.

“What in the god’s name are you doing?!” And you can only giggle as you start fishing Hoseok’s cock out of his trousers again – right in front of Sehun.

“Letting this man fuck my brains out.” You don’t need to look behind you to know that Sehun is probably looking at you shell-shocked. Never being able to imagine you this uninhibited and callous with your words. But you get a sneak at his face anyway when Hoseok is flipping you over so that your back rested against the brick wall again whilst he hitched up your legs to his waist again. And the thought that he didn’t care that Sehun was watching before rubbing the fattened head of his cock against your pussy all the while Sehun watched – only made your pussy gush.

You don’t remember the last time you felt this excited, this sexy when you’d been with a man. Not even Sehun who you’d considered to be the love of your life. But now you were finding out that you didn’t know any better and had no other man to compare him to. Of course you thought he was the one because your father approved of him.

“You’re going to go to hell for this y/n. For acting like a disgusting-”

“Slut? I know. I don’t give a shit Sehun. Now go away so I can get fucked in peace. Or don’t, I don’t care-ah!” Just then, Hoseok has pushed his girthy, painfully hard length inside you and Sehun is seething; disappearing from the dark alley just as you’re putting a hand to your mouth to quieten your cries as Hoseok’s length stretches out your pussy. And he’s looking straight down between you two, watching the way the labia of your pussy stretches around his length.

“Fuck, your cunt is hotter than the 7thcircle of hell my dear y/n.” He’s cursing under his breath, taking in a deep one just as he’s sheathed completely inside you, letting you take a breath as you try to get used to the largest intrusion you’d felt inside you.

“M-Move Hoseok.” You wanted him to wreck you. You wanted him to take his pleasure from you and use you so much so it made up for all the years of being a fool made you miss out on sleeping with every and any guy you wanted to.

“Can’t believe you preached to us all at every general meeting when your cunt is hotter than hell. You’ve always been the hidden devil among us all haven’t you? Hm?”

He’s throwing your hand away from your mouth when you just muffle out your answer behind them with each thrust of his cock inside your channel. You’re so wet that a squelching sound accompanies every thrust inside and it’s making you pink all over.

“Answer me y/n. You’re a cock whore who’s always been hungry for it haven’t you? Yeah?” With each word, his pace had increased the sounds of skin slapping against skin were so loud that they even brought you back down to earth and feel a hint of shame. But the pleasure coursing through you was enough for you to cry Hoseok’s name over and over like a prayer you wanted to have desperately answered.

“Y-Yes. I love c-cock. I want your cock to t-tear me up. U-Use me Hoseok-” you hiccup as tears well up in your eyes, feeling the bulbous head of his hard member nudge your cervix again and again. The natural curve of his dick hitting each nerve ending inside you that you didn’t even know existed.

“Oh baby.” He’s clenching out between his teeth, “I,” A deep thrust, “will.” Another one that has you almost howling every single time he bottoms out.

You don’t know how he’s holding back after being on edge for so long but you can feel him get even more impossibly harder. Almost as hard as stone inside your velvety walls.

“Fuck you’re so wet Y/N. Did Sehun ever make you this wet? Hm?” You’re pushed up against the wall with each punishing thrust that has a string of continuous moans falling from your lips.

“N-No. You f-fuck me so well h-hoseok.” It’s hard to speak but you love it nonetheless. Saying all the erogenous words out loud only made your pussy gush and clench around him harder.

“You gunna cum baby? You’re gunna cum for me?” You’re vigorously nodding your head while the tears escape past your eyes and on to your already sweaty and teary face while you sniffle away.

“Too fucking bad.” And just like that – he’s pulling out of you and pulling away so abruptly that you fall to the dirty floor in a heap. Pussy leaking with his and your combined fluids while he quickly tucks back his erection that almost look menacing now. You didn’t know why he insisted on torturing you both but you didn’t question it. Loving every second of your hedonistic and spontaneous sexual encounter.

“Come on.” He’s tugging you up on your wobbly feet and dragging you out of the alley. And when you try to pull down your skirt to cover your ass – he swats your hands away.

“No covering up. I want everyone to see what a whore you actually are. You want this to don’t you?” It takes you a few seconds to look at Hoseok’s smirking face and slowly; you nod. Letting him tug you out towards the parking lot – knowing that any passer-by – albeit it being almost 10pm – would be able to see your skirt pushed up with only your panties barely covering your modesty.

And just like that – Hoseok drags you over to his car; a shinny range rover. Pulling open the driver’s seat, he’s sitting inside and pushing back his seat slightly and then within seconds, pulling you on his lap to straddle his spread legs. Both of you are panting and both of you are staring straight at each other; consumed completely by lust as Hoseok gives your wrecked state a once over. He’s reaching out only to rip open the front of your blouse that had been buttoned up high – only to pull down the cups of your bra as your heaving breasts spring free.

“Fuck,” He mutters under his breath, groping the soft flesh between his large vascular hands, “Your tits are amazing. I want to suck on them all day.”

When you moan out in response, he continues, “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Maybe I can drop by to your office for a midday snack, huh? Suck these tits till they’re all puffy and swollen.”

“H-Hoseok. Please.” You’re desperate to reach your peak and now are shamelessly grinding against his hips to get some sort of friction. Hoseok’s bent forward with a nipple in his mouth, licking and sucking in the whole of you areola.

“Oh f-fuck. I’ll c-cum like this Hoseok.” And you were going to. You were so, so close you were about to lose your mind. Thankfully, Hoseok is opening his belt and letting you fish out his hard cock again and within seconds – you’ve taken initiative and impaled yourself on his hardened length.

“Fuck, you’re so hot baby. Just like that.” His hands have now found purchase on your waist as you start riding him like only your pleasure mattered. With the continuous teasing and the exhibitionist that Hoseok has awoke in you – your pussy was plenty wet and even overly so. Making deliciously dirty squelching sounds every time you slid over his pole again and again. Your rhythm increasing as your high built up again – and quite fast thanks to all the edging for hours.

“Yeah, fuck yourself on my cock y/n. Just like the dirty little cock whore you are. Aren’t you?”

“Y-Yeah. L-Love y-your cock.” You’re slurring your words as the car bounces from the sheer force of your pace as you ride Hoseok towards the sun. You could die a happy girl on his cock and when you look at his face that’s watching you like you’re the holiest thing he’d ever seen; you’re crying out your release while he thankfully gets the hint and holds up your hips, thrusting his cock inside you from below to push you over the edge completely.

“Fuck! Hoseok I-I’m-” Your teary face is looking at his own in panic while his hips frenetically push inside your gushing pussy.

“Cum on my cock baby. Let all your cunt juices go. I want to drown in your cum, fuck!” He’s growling and seething out the words as if he’s angry. Livid in fact and it only stretches out your orgasm further – as well as the hand that’s slipped between you both and now strummed your clit to almost a second peak while he chased his own high.

“Fuck fuck fuck I’m going to cum in your dirty pussy y/n. Can I? Fuck I’m n-not going to last. Please baby.”

Your teary face is weakly nodding while your head rests against his shoulder, body bouncing with every thrust inside your sopping and oversensitive walls. The hand on your clit that was incessantly rubbing was so close to make you cum again. And when Hoseok starts to slam your hips down on his lap – sticky and wet sounds echoing through the walls of the confined space in his car, flesh sticking to flesh – you cum once more and with a few more deep thrusts of his cock inside you – you can feel the spurts of his own cum flooding inside your walls.

“Fuck, I-I’m leaking out of you babe.” He’s watching between your bodies as the sounds get even sloppier with his cum overflowing from your pussy and back on to his cock – making a creamy mess between you two. And in that moment, you could only rest your head against his shoulder after having cum for the second time. Your body was worn and tired but your mind was buzzing in the aftermath of your rendezvous. Hoseok looked as beautiful as ever with his golden skin shining with perspiration while he caught his breath – caressing your behind almost lovingly. Love.

That’s not what you were after right now. In fact, even just thinking about it made you want to forget about the whole concept of it all. And when Hoseok looked down at you with a raised eyebrow – you just quietly lean back against the steering wheel, letting him have a look between where you two were joined again.

“Can you f-fuck your cum back in to me?” your sultry tone and your incredibly filthy question catches his off guard for sure. But it’s not even a minute later that he’s ordering you again.

“Turn around y/n. Let’s see that ass bounce.”

And of course, your new self in your new life is more than willing to oblige. Today was the day you had thought you’d died – only to find that you’ve come alive.

a/n: yay or nay? let me know!!

#bts smut #hoseok smut #hoseok x reader #jhope #hobiwonder #hope u like it :))

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sheonvinyl · 4 years

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the snl standby line ~experience~

um. wow.....

so i’m making this post mostly for myself and to have a documentation of these memories while its all still pretty fresh in my brain, but i figured i would share it on here too just in case anyone wanted to read it or chat about it all w me. (side note: if u were in the line too PLS hit me up we MUST discuss)

basically, long story short is my friend and i slept on the streets of nyc for three nights in below freezing degree weather, got standby tickets for the live show and were able to get in......like i was THERE. for the snl LIVE taping.

feel free to keep reading below the break if you want an extremely detailed description of the whole ordeal and my personal experience that no one asked for dsjkhfksdjh

to be frank our journey did not start out as we had originally planned lmao. when harry announced that he was doing double duty my friend and i immediately were like. let’s start planning bc we’re 100% going. that resulted in a lot of amazon prime orders and reading up on blogs about tips and tricks in order to plan. we were trying to gauge how far in advance we were going to have to get in line in order to have a good chance. we got a lot of our info from a twitter account/blog run by these three women who have been to every show this season and been in the standby line every week so we trusted their advice. they have been so many times that they apparently have a relationship with the security ppl and are in contact with them. and obviously since it was harry this week, there was a lot more buzz about it and higher stakes of actually getting a ticket. people had been tweeting about lining up on MONDAY in order to be in the front of the line. this account reached out to people and nbc and said that security didn’t want anyone lining up before thursday and if people did, they would be asked to leave and not allowed to get back in line again. finding this out made us panic a bit bc we didn’t want to get thrown out for breaking the rules or anything like that. we originally decided to finish up our days at our internships on wednesday, head back to our apartment, gather up all our supplies and head to 30 roc around 10 so that we could be ready to get in line at midnight aka when it would officially be thursday.

however, when i woke up wedensday morning amidst all the news about harry’s tour dates etc. there was an update that there were ~20ish people in line already. and that set us into a panic. we were confused if they were going to be thrown out or not bc they lined up before thursday, but periodically as we checked throughout the day security didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. so we made the decision to get to the line as quickly as possible after work. not sure i’ve ever moved faster in my life than i did when i got home and immediately threw anything i thought would be remotely useful into my duffle bag. the state of my room right now? despicable.

we make it to the line a little bit after 8 pm and after an initial assessment, we were around #70-80 in line. and based on that, we decided to stay and set up camp bc we thought our chances were pretty good. (for reference: when the standby tickets were handed out on saturday morning, we were 86th and 87th in line so the number definitely fluctuated based on when people counted us and people maybe being in the bathroom during the count etc.)

everyone around us in line was super super super nice and the ppl we met thru it will def be homies for life. we went through too much together not to be bonded for life ksjdhfksdh. shout out to aisha @teafull specifically !!!! we really did that luv......miss u and kristina already babes xoxoxox

wednesday night was definitely the worst sleeping-wise. our set up originally was a waterproof tarp on the ground and then a yoga mat that my friend used as a bed and then our two camping chairs next to the yoga mat. for the first night, i slept in the camping chairs using one to sit in and having my legs propped up on the other one. we each had two blankets and were wearing more layers than i could ever count. we bought a shitton of feet warmers, toe warmers and hand warmers in preparation, but we didn’t really get the hang of using them until the second and third night lol. i woke up probably every hour and a half on wednesday night bc i was either uncomfortable or just so unbearably cold. every time i woke up i made sure to move my toes around bc i was so paranoid i was going to get frostbite lmao.

thursday was better. we actually got the hang of the hand and feet warmers!! we figured out that if we were wearing shoes they didn’t really work because they were being suffocated and they needed to be in open air to work properly. they worked exponentially better if we didn't wear shoes bc they were exposed to the cold air and heated up really well so that’s a useful piece of information out of this i guess?? sdjhkds. at this point i think there were about 150 people in line. the line wrapped from the back of the nbc building on 6th ave/avenue of the americas around to w 48th street as far as the nintendo store which ends right at the today show plaza (and it got even longer over the next two days).

one of the worst things about the whole experience would probably have to be the incessant comments from passerbys on the street. they would look at us and speak about us as if we weren’t there. they would also film or take photos of us in the LEAST discreet ways possible which was very irritating. and made me feel like a literal zoo animal on display. i heard comments like “they know the show is on SATURDAY right?”, “they’re doing all of this for that one guy from one direction?”, “do your parents know you’re doing this?”, “you’ve got to be kidding me”, “they’re going to freeze to death for not even a guaranteed ticket to see this guy” and by far the absolute worst one and most offensive thing i heard, “they’re like the modern day homeless”. i could go on a whole separate tangent about this because it makes me so FUCKING angry, but i was very close to confronting some people because of the impeccably inconsiderate, insensitive and blatantly classist comments people were making straight to our faces. additionally some people in line were being harassed by people from radio stations (or people posing as employees of radio stations) that clearly had the agenda of making it seem like fans of harry are dumb and unaware of world issues etc. you can read a more well-written and detailed account about it all on aj’s blog here. but i’ll reiterate that they definitely chose the wrong group to mess with!! the issue was dealt with in record time and i’m proud of and thankful for all the people who stood up to that asshole and put him in his place. he deserved it.

i slept the best on thursday night into friday. probably because i finally had the common sense to buy GLOVES (someone lmk why i thought it was okay to come without them ??? ) as well as buy an extra blanket at a barnes and noble nearby. one of my roommates was also kind enough to bring me her yoga mat and two extra pairs of pants to add to my layers. those two extra layers 100% made a difference. not much happened in the line on friday besides a little bit of drama between a couple of girls at the front of the line who apparently left for 10+ hours that day and (to my knowledge) weren’t kicked out of the line. i don’t want to speak too much on it because i wasn’t directly involved in any of it and only heard it by word of mouth. however, i will say i think there was definitely some suspicious activity from some people that were in line who were for example, using lawn chairs (which are specifically prohibited on the snl webpage) and abusing their break times.

at 7 pm on friday, the line was shifted so that the beginning of it started at the doors to the nbc studio. i think they do this mainly so that the pages who hand out the standby tickets have easier access to the line? but i’m not positive. our new area was now on 6th ave, smack dab in front of the rear end of 30 roc, basically where the line had originally started. with the amount of people in line (probably around 200 or so at this point on friday) it STILL wrapped around to west 48th even after the shift. and then not even 20 minutes after they moved us was when snl interns came down with CARTS of slices of WATERMELON and CHERRIES !!!!!!! when i tell you i lost it.....

i didn’t get a good picture of the cherries but you get the idea. one of the interns giving us info about what was going on said that harry “was very specific about giving you guys cherries and watermelon” sjkdfhksdjh. and because of his previous behavior w the kiwis i was like....well he’s not playing watermelon sugar then we’re just going to have to prepare for something else. and let me tell you, i have never been more happy to be wrong in my entire LIFE.

additionally, a couple of men, who i believe worked for snl or nbc, came around with carts of soup for all of us. they didn't confirm or deny that harry sent them (which makes me think he probably didn’t), but the two options were either chicken and sausage or split pea. yes, that’s correct. SPLIT. PEA. when they told me that, i shrieked in their faces, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING” and they just looked at me so weirdly and go, “......no? like which one do you want......” skdjhfkjsdh. they definitely thought i was absolutely off my rocker (which i certainly was, but that’s besides the point). i’m pescatarian so i chose split pea, and if there’s one thing to know about me it’s that i absolutely ABHOR peas, but i ate it anyway. i had to use all of the oyster crackers as well as some pretzel crisps that i brought with me as a snack in order to make it bearable LMAO. however, regardless of if harry sent it himself, it was a really nice gesture and i’m thankful that they were kind enough to provide us with some food. the snl staff also sent down hot chocolate and coffee and pizza over the course of the three days which was very much appreciated as well!

we were a lot less separated in our new spot on 6th ave so everyone in line was able to hang out with each other a lot more which as really fun!! a girl near us had brought cards against humanity and a group of 7 of us played for what felt like over an hour or so which was really good time. aisha won and no, i am not salty about it at all !!!!!1!1!11!11!!!!

it was really difficult to sleep that night as well because we were on a much busier road with a lot more lights. it also felt colder and windier despite windscreens that staff put up around our barricades (see the poor quality pic of my friend and i with one of them below LOL). i think everyone was really on edge for the next morning so i’m sure that didn’t help with sleeping either. we settled down to go to bed a little past midnight and i woke up at least three times throughout the night to readjust my blankets and sleeping position or check the time.

finally saturday morning came. my friend had to shake me awake at 6:30 am bc i was finally able to doze off again, but the panic in me immediately activated and i was UP and ready to go. we still hadn't come to a full decision on if we were going to choose dress rehearsal or live yet so we were definitely on edge. we basically wanted to wait until the pages came to us and ask them how many people chose live vs. dress so that we could choose the show we were more likely to get into. however, deep inside i know that we both desperately wanted tickets to the live show. we had been keeping track of other people who were farther up in the line via their socials and seeing what they were choosing too. surprisingly (at least to me), a lot of people ahead of us decided to choose dress rehearsal rather than live. in theory, it makes sense because you’d hopefully get to see more sketches that might get cut for time as well as “spend more time” w harry. my friend and i (who is probably the biggest snl fan on the planet, no lie) would’ve been happy with either, but we both definitely wanted to witness the show that everyone else was going to watch on tv.

when the pages got to us we found out that it was basically split 50/50. an equal amount of people decided to do live vs. dress. for either show we chose, we would’ve been in the 40s for our standby ticket number. and because of that, we decided to SEND IT and sign up for tickets for the live show (and partly because all our friends in line were also sending it w the live show too!!!). we were tickets #41 and #42 and we honestly felt really really good about it, but we didn’t want to discuss it too much or get our hopes up in the event that it didn’t end up working out.

after that, the actual standby line experience was basically over. we IMMEDIATELY grabbed all our stuff and ubered back to our apartment. our roommates were already up and they greeted us with lights up blasting through our alexa akjhfkdfh. saturday was also conveniently my university’s homecoming weekend, and as seniors in college, my friend and i felt that it was important for us to go. i won’t go into too much detail about it bc that’s not really the point of this whole post, but my friend and i REALLY had ourselves a DAY on saturday. i actually don’t know how we pulled this off. we ended up showering for probably 40 minutes each to scrub the grime off our body and then day drank from 11:30 to maybe 5 pm........like??? whomst???? luckily, i was able to squeeze in a nap before we had to start getting ready for check in at 10 pm back at 30 roc, but i was 110% hungover when i woke up.

we got to 30 roc at around 9:30 and were told to go to the nbc store to check in. from there they cross-checked the name on your ID and name on your ticket and then lined you up in order based on your ticket number. i don’t think i realized how many people actually ended up lining up for the standby line until we were there....people had ticket numbers all the way up #267 or something. that’s CRAZY!! after a bit of waiting (maybe half an hour?) a security guy came out and told us that they were going to starting bringing the group up into the corridor and get the process moving. he made it clear that this wasn’t a guarantee to get in. the first 40 were taken and then after about 5 minutes they sent probably the next 40 or so (including us in the front of that second group). from there, we did a security check and waited in the hallway outside the peacock lounge (anyone who’s been to a taping of snl, jimmy fallon or seth meyers might know what i’m talking about). while waiting there we saw a few people trickle in and go through a security check as well. those people included zoey deutch (!!!!!!) - who was rocking this INSANE red plaid suit combo as well as the cutest bob i’ve ever seen - as well as GLENNE aka jeff’s wife who was also serving looks™️ with her outfit.

security then moved us farther down the hallway closer to the elevators and this is where we all started getting really nervous. i had no concept of time bc my phone was running out of battery and i turned it off bc i was paranoid if they saw it they would ask me to leave skdjhfs. it was only a matter of minutes before we knew if we were going to make it in or not. the staff had us line up two by two and kept counting and recounting us. then one of them grabbed a stack of wristbands and counted us one last time before he stopped at ticket #30 and said “congratulations all of you have a seat in the show”. the energy in the room was SO CHARGED. he was handing out their tickets and was urging them to put them on as quickly as possible and then they were ushered into the elevators. side note: there’s rumors that lorne michaels (creator and head of snl) reserves 30 seats specifically for the standby line. so that might be why he originally stopped at ticket #30.

my friend and i were holding each others hands as if our lives depended on it bc it was really make it or break it at this point. a couple minutes later he goes down the line again while counting us and stops after maybe 15-20 people behind us and again goes “congratulations, you have a seat in the show”. my legs literally almost gave out. my friend couldn’t speak to me bc she was trying so hard to hold in her sobs. i had to put on her wristband for her bc her hands were shaking so much LMAO. they quickly usher us into the elevator and as soon as the doors close all of us in the elevator start screaming and cheering bc WE MADE IT!!! but we quickly quiet down because we had been told beforehand that if we were excessively screaming during the show that we would be removed. i’m pretty sure that during dress rehearsal the staff said someone was shouting distracting comments at harry during the pauses and they were kicked out. someone else was also kicked out for drinking which......blows my mind. but anyway.

when they elevator doors open we are ushered SO FAST into the studio and into seats. i almost got split up from my friend bc the page tried to sit me in a single seat and i was like “no no no, i’m with her”. luckily they were able to sit us together on the back wall of the section that was facing front. they weren’t actual seats, but rather a large cushioned bench. most of our standby line peeps were sat in the right-most section of the studio which was sad that we couldn’t sit next to everyone, but also glad that my friend and i were sat together.

the taping started no more than 10 minutes after we got there. it all happened so quick and i don’t think i’ve really fully processed everything that happened. i won’t talk too much about the sketches because you can all just watch them yourself but i’ll talk a little bit about some of the behind the scenes things that we witnessed.

1. the way in which harry RAN between scenes and sketches was INSANE sdkfjhsdkjfh. right after the monologue he basically LUNGED off stage. a staff member (i think its a woman who does wigs for the snl cast) was moving so fast past the main stage after the cameras cut that from what i saw, the way harry had moved so quickly made her TRIP and harry IMMEDIATELY scooped her up basically DRAGGED her backstage skjdfhksjdhfdjkshk. it all happened so fast i still can’t tell if i imagined it happening or not but it was crazy. either way, harry was on the MOVE.

2. one of my fav sketches by far was the lamaze class one. harry did SUCH A GOOD JOB SFKHSKJDHFSD especially w the accent????? (he actually did so many accents throughout the show i’m so proud of him). he broke a little bit during the lamaze one but as far as i remember that’s the only time he broke?? which??? that’s honestly impressive, especially for the sketches/jokes they were doing (don’t even get me started on the Sara Lee sketch....). also i wasn’t openly jealous of heidi gardiner because of how harry was holding her and caressing her but i was jealous. i will not speak more on this topic.

3. the slow/ballad version of lights up.............BREATHTAKING. there was not a sound in that studio literally everyone was so mesmerized by it. it was honestly gorgeously performed and the back up vocalists did SUCH and amazing job!! the music stage wasn’t really near us but we still had a good view of harry himself and THAT OUTFIT. it was......chefs kiss.

4. when the ballerina photos came up on the screen there was an audible GASP that ran through the audience. i shrieked. i almost grabbed the woman’s hand whom was sitting next to me and i did not know. that is all.

5. WATERMELON SUGAR !!!!!!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!!!! y’all. have i got a story for you. when the drums hit right before the first “high” my friend and i went FERAL. we were on the edges of our seat the WHOLE song. i had such the urge to stand up and dance but we couldn’t out of fear of getting kicked out ksjhdfkjhs. the entire song we had our hands in the air grooving to it, i was flailing my limbs as MUCH AS I POSSIBLY COULD to jam out to it. additionally, if you watch the performance back you can actually see that harry’s hands are shaking and he’s fiddling with his soundbox on his back during the beginning of the song. we’re pretty sure that his earpiece wasn’t working so he was freaking out a bit. he started to dance a little, but you can kind of tell that he was a bit stiff, maybe because of nerves. then at one point, he looks to someone off stage to his right and he smiles at them and laughs a bit to himself. after that, he starts looking around at the audience up above and there are times that harry looks over to his left EXACTLY in the direction of where my friend and i were sitting/dancing. my friend who has literally ANALYZED this performance from watching it so many times claims that 2:15 is the exact moment that he looks over sees us flailing our entire bodies. and right after he looks over is when he really starts moving and grooving himself and appearing to look a bit more comfortable. while we don’t know FOR SURE if he really did see us or started dancing bc he saw us jamming out, i do want to mention that we were literally the ONLY people in the studio moving like that. we were in the back corner by the sound guy and one of the exits and sitting next to a middle aged married couple who were looking at us like we were certifiably crazy. we had a view of almost everyone in the audience because we were in the last row and as far as we could tell, we were the only ones that were jamming out as hard as we were. so take with that what you will. but from this time forward, i will go on with my life believing that my uncontrollable bodily reactions to hearing watermelon sugar LIVE perhaps made dear harold feel a little less nervous and more comfortable to do his thang :-)))))

i don’t think i’ve clapped harder for anything in my life than i did when he finished performing watermelon sugar and when he signed off the show. i teared up watching him go around to his band and all the cast members giving them the BIGGEST hugs. you can clearly tell that every single person on that cast had the best time with him this week. heidi and cecily both mentioned in their instagram posts about how agreeable he was to everything and how he has to come back to host again. it was clear that he had SUCH a fun experience and he did SO WELL!!!!! i have no doubt in my mind that he is going to host (or do double duty) again at some point in the future. so to those who were in the standby line and didn’t make it in to the taping for live or dress, don’t lose faith. there will for SURE be another opportunity to do this whole thing again. i am so so proud of everyone who was brave enough to face the elements for even a chance to get a standby ticket over these past couple days. you’re all so strong and such warriors. this is certainly not the last time he’ll be doing this.

as grueling and testing as the whole camping out on the streets and standby ticket experience was, i would do it all over again in a heartbeat. i’m a senior in college and was privileged enough to be able to skip some classes and call out of work in order to do this. i figured that this time in my life is probably one of the only chances where i’ll be able to actually drop everything and sleep on the streets for three days to see one of my favorite people in the world. and in the end, it was all worth it. i couldn’t be prouder of harry and what an amazing job he did last night. this journey is something that i will cherish forever (and will definitely be telling my kids about in the future).

feel free to message me or drop in my inbox if you have questions or want to come chat about it all ! thanks to anyone who actually had the patience to read this whole thing. i’m so sorry for how unbearably long this was dkjfhsdkjhsdk. much love to you all. treat people with kindness :-)

#its embarrassing how long this actually took me to write #im so sorry sdkjfhksjdh #please excuse any and all typos/grammatical errors #this was basically written as stream of consciousness #now i have to go deep clean my room #wish me luck !!!#harry styles #harry on snl #snl #text

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hollandsmushroom · 5 years

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Okay I'm back, remember you said I could do this, also no rush on answering these lol, okay! Calum again bc today is a cal day; you finally go back to work, cal stays home w the baby, you get home to see him dancing around with your little girl in his arms, when he sees you he stops and your baby girl yells for you and it's just v soft

Lets start by saying that my blog is called Calumsnachedmyheart and my header says “Especially Calum Hood” so everyday for me is a Cal day and second of all please, yes, I love it when you send me requests

Your pregnancy had been hell, you had thrown up everyday from your first trimester until the day that you had given birth to your beautiful baby girl, but every time you had thrown up Cal was there, holding your hair and rubbing your back as you heaved. Your overactive reflux was not the only thing that plagued you throughout the process of you growing you and Cal’s baby, your breasts were swollen and your feet grew multiple sizes. Cal did everything that he could for you while you were pregnant, making you ice packs that weren’t too cold but just right to but on your tender breasts, and giving you foot massages to calm the pain that spread to them as your body grew.

After giving birth neither you nor Cal really bothered taking care of yourselves, it was all about your baby, the most precious thing in the world, the girl who was attached to you from day one. But just like it had began your maternity leave ended and you had to leave your girl at home with Cal since he had a slightly more flexible schedule.

It was hard to wake up on the day that you had to return to work, knowing that for the first day since you birthed your little angel you would be without her for 8 hours. 8 whole hours away from the little bean that had seem to become your life source though it was truly the other way around. You rolled over in Cal’s arms, looking up at his sleeping face, dark circle obvious underneath his closed eyes from the lack of sleep that was caused by late night feedings, diaper changes, and just an all around fussy baby. He was slightly roused by your movement, peaking his eyes open to look down at you, you cuddled deeper into his grasp, mumbling into his chest

“I don’t want to go to work today, I don’t want to leave my baby and I also don’t want to leave my little girl,” he chuckled sleepily at your insinuation of him being your baby.

“I don’t want you to go either, but you have to babe,” he spoke, stroking your hair, groaning as you moved you swung your legs over the side of the bed, his arm still lazily draped over your lap. Moving it off of your legs your stood up, padding down the hall to your baby-girl’s room, peeking through the crack in the door to see her tiny sleeping figure in her crib. You opened the door further as you heard her begin to sniffle, moving swiftly to the crib picking up your baby and sitting down in the rocking chair in the corner, lifting your or more like Cal’s shirt up the let her breastfeed. She was gurgled contentedly as she fed and you cooed down at her. Your stared at her with so much love until she detached and started whining, just as you were about to start burping her you heard a light knock on the wide open door, looking up to see Cal leaning on the door frame entirely shirtless, smiling at you with so much love.

“Its time you should be heading to work my love,”

“But Cal, I still need to-,”

“Baby, I can burp her, your really need to go shower and get ready,” he interrupted you

“Are you, Calum Thomas Hood, saying that I look nasty,” you joked

“Now, now,” he spoke as he started walking towards you “I never said that, but I am pretty sure that you don’t want to return to work with a little bit of baby food in your hair,” he brushed some hair out of your face before leaning down and removing your baby from your arms, she whined in protest but silenced immediately as she realized she was in her fathers arms.

You wandered out of the room, looking back over your shoulder seeing your baby bouncing on your husbands knee as he quietly sang to her. You went back to your room, going into the bathroom and and turning on the shower and stripping yourself of Cal’s shirt. After you showered you prepared yourself for the day and went downstairs finding your girl in her highchair while Cal prepped some breakfast for you. You went up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist, kissing the flesh between his shoulder blades.

“Thank you for breakfast, love,”

“Anything for you,” he grinned at you

The three of you enjoyed breakfast together but soon your time for departure came. Picking up your daughter and covering her face with kisses, not wanting to leave her but knowing you had to you set her back in her seat. Turning to blow Cal a kiss and walk out the door

“I don’t think so,” hearing the scrape of the chair against the ground and then Cals hands on your hips, turning you around so he could give you a proper kiss goodbye, it was loving and warm and you never wanted it to end but you pulled away,

“Goodbye, I will see you tonight,” you whispered, pecking his lips one last time before heading out the door.

—-

Your day could not have gone any slower, it was torture being away from your daughter for this long when all you wanted to do was hold her in your arms and tell her how much you loved her, even though she had no clue what you were saying.

On your way home you were positive that you broke the speed limit on multiple occasions, desperate to see her with your own two eyes and not the pictures that Cal was sending on a 30 minute basis throughout the day.

You slammed your car door shut, locking the doors and hurrying to your front door, quietly unlocking it just in case she was napping, but she wasn’t. As soon as you opened the door you heard Cal’s singing fill your ears, the voice that you loved so much singing a simple tune. You followed the angelic sound into the living room and your eyes fell on the cutest thing you had ever seen, a still very shirtless Cal swaying around the room with a spit up cloth thrown over his shoulder and your daughter in his arms, he was singing to her and turning her in slow circles, no doubt trying to get her to fall asleep. All his progress was lost once his body turned and her eyes landed on you, as soon as they did she started to whine and fuss. Cal began to coo in an attempt to calm her as he turned to face you.

“Your home!” he exclaimed

“Yes, yes I am, and though this is the cutest thing I have ever seen,” you gestured to your baby and Cal “I am severely deprived of baby cuddles and I need them quickly,” Cal handed you your bundle of joy and her fussing immediately stopped

“I guess we know who her favorite parent is,” you giggled

Taglist

@heartbreak-5sos

#calum #calum hood #calumhood #calum 5sos #calum hood one shot #calum hood x reader #calum5sos #calumhoodoneshot #calumhoodsmut #calum hood blurbs #calum hood oneshot #5 seconds of summer #5 secs of summer #5secondsofsummer #5sos #5sossmut #calum 5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer one shot #5 second of summer imagines

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love-killed-the-superstar · 5 years

Text

femslash february strikes again and i finally updated that one cornirma fic that ive been meaning to get back to for literally an entire year

Title: The Frying Pan Conversation Pairing: Cornelia/Irma Chapter: 2 - funny how we run around Summary: “You're awake...” “Great detective work, Sherlock, want a medal?” “It's too early in the morning for you to be sassing me,” grumbled Cornelia, half-heartedly throwing her phone onto the blankets and scooting closer to Irma. “Good thing you're way too cute for me to be sassing you with intent to kill,” Irma teased, pulling her in closer for a hug. She was overly warm from sleep and Cornelia happily melted into it. Irma's boobs made for an excellent pillow. (Cornelia and Irma spend Christmas with the Hales.)

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13743063/chapters/42144206

Cornelia loved watching Irma sleep. While she usually ran her mouth during the day, when she slept she had some sort of serenity around her, a tranquillity one wouldn't expect from someone who spent half the night tossing and turning, hogging the blankets and drooling all over her pillow. Yet, when morning came and Cornelia returned to wakefulness, Irma was at peace with herself in the land of dreams, hair framing her face like a halo. It took all restraint not to kiss her, but Cornelia had never been a fan of kissing before one had brushed their teeth.

Instead, she continued to watch. It was quiet and dim, the early morning sun casting strange light and shadows throughout the main room where they were set up. Without her family milling around, it felt peaceful. She wondered if this was how it would be all the time, if she and Irma moved in together some day. Sure, it wouldn't be some luxury cabin, but the world would be quiet like this. There would be no eyes on her. The whole room would be theirs to lie in silence and watch each other and feel cosy and secure. While Cornelia did want lavish things for herself someday, when she was older and things like throw pillows and vases mattered greatly in the grand scheme of things, it amazed her how easily she would sacrifice that just to be able to wake up next to Irma each morning and take on the day, regardless of whether they were in a plush king-sized bed or squashed together on a pull-out.

Geez. She really was picturing the rest of her life with Irma, like the hopeless romantic she was.

She rolled over to reach for her phone in the semi-dark. Too early to start messaging the group chat, but she hedged her bets with someone who did have a tendency to be up at this hour.

Will, you awake?

Not three minutes later, she received a reply.

ofc?? no rest for an athlete, corny. how did telling the parents go?

It didn't. Turns out I'm a bit of a coward.

nah it's tough. i only told my mom about being genderfluid a month ago, and i had no idea if she'd even CARE about it

Well, she cares about YOU. And from what you've told me, she's taken it well?

The speech bubble indicating a reply stayed for a while, and Cornelia repositioned herself so that she could watch Irma doze while waiting on Will to get back to her. After a few minutes, her phone finally pinged, and she hastily lowered the volume as Irma stirred slightly.

yeah, turns out dean being our teacher way back in the day finally paid off bc sheffield has diversity training or smth. he sat down w me and my mom and talked over all this stuff she was confused about. and she still doesn't totally get it, but she said she just wants me to be happy. guess that's all i really needed. stuff like if she comes to pride and w/e doesn't matter to me tbh, just knowing she's there for me is enough

Cornelia chewed her lip wistfully. If only it worked out that simply for everybody...

That's great. Really, I'm so happy it all worked out for you. I'm just worried about my parents, I guess. They're not bad people, but sometimes they can be so backwards with things. Really, I just want them to accept that this is a part of me so I can stop lying about a college guy just to keep them from overanalysing the way I am around Irma.

hey i get it! you're both just so darn cute together!

Indeed we are.

They shared some quick, casual conversation (Will, as usual, had some funny story to tell her about life as Taranee's roommate, and Cornelia caught them up on the bullshit that was her and Irma's road trip to the cabin) before Will had to leave to start their morning swim practice.

“Psst. Blondie.”

Cornelia dropped her phone in surprise, catching sight of rich green eyes watching her intently.

“You're awake...”

“Great detective work, Sherlock, want a medal?”

“It's too early in the morning for you to be sassing me,” grumbled Cornelia, half-heartedly throwing her phone onto the blankets and scooting closer to Irma.

“Good thing you're way too cute for me to be sassing you with intent to kill,” Irma teased, pulling her in closer for a hug. She was overly warm from sleep and Cornelia happily melted into it. Irma's boobs made for an excellent pillow.

“You're comfy,” she mumbled.

“Yup, cushy tits run in the family,” Irma remarked, relishing in the way Cornelia shuddered with an implosion of laughter. “You know this is the first time in months we've woken up together?”

“Feels like it too,” Cornelia sighed. “I've missed this. You should really come visit me more often, you know.”

“Oh yeah? I visited you twice last term. It's your turn to visit me just as soon as daddy dearest hands over your fucking prius.”

“Well, no offence, but your college campus is like a 30 minute drive away from Heatherfield,” pointed out Cornelia. “I'd sooner you visit me than risk bumping into Uriah of all people at a house party.”

Irma scoffed. “Thanks a lot! It may not be ivy-league or State U or anything, but there's still a ton of stuff to do! Besides, pretty sure Uriah's at Sheffield Community College, Anna works with his mom.” She paused. “Though, I did run into our dear old chum Nigel at a Halloween party this year.”

“Oh? And how did that go down?”

“How do you think? He followed me around half the night asking about Tara until I finally snapped and was like, 'you missed the boat, honey, our girl is gay as the day is long'. Haven't seen him since. Reckon he dropped out when he heard how swimmingly Taranee's life is going without him.”

“I doubt he flunked out because of a girl he was dumped by five years ago,” Cornelia deadpanned.

“Uh, hello? Our girl is a catch. He's lucky to have even walked the Earth in the same lifetime as her.”

“A bit dramatic, but I get the sentiment.”

Cornelia fell quiet, listening intently to Irma's heartbeat, her breathing.

“D'you think today's gonna be the day?” Irma asked softly.

Cornelia let out a noise, somewhere between laughter and a sigh.

“How do you always know what I'm thinking?”

“Because you have the antithesis of a poker face, darlin'. I've been reading you like a book since I was thirteen.”

She tangled her fingers up in Cornelia's hair, gently combing through, careful to avoid knots.

“I don't know if it'll be today,” sighed Cornelia. “Does it make me a hypocrite? I was so certain I wanted to do it this time.”

“Look. You need to stop putting this pressure on yourself to do everything exactly how you imagined,” Irma said firmly. “You don't have to tell them I'm your girlfriend. You don't even have to tell them you're pan if you aren't ready for it. We can call this off, you can spend the rest of Christmas break not having to worry about their reactions, and we can make out and cuddle and all that good stuff the second we set foot in my house. Would that make you feel better?”

“No?” Cornelia reached up to pull Irma into a proper hug. “I want them to know how happy you make me. I want them to know that I'm happy being myself. But the part where I actually tell them? Opening up like that, it... it's a very emotional process.”

“I know. I know it is. But I promise you, once it's out in the open... never mind their reaction, you will feel worlds better with it off your chest.”

“Ugh, why does my girlfriend have to be so wise?” Cornelia wondered aloud. Irma formed a fist and lightly knocked her on the head.

“If I'm going to be a teacher some day, I gotta be wise. I'm meant to be some sort of inspiring prophet, if your dad's stirring speech at dinner last night was anything to go by.”

“He's a passionate guy,” Cornelia shrugged.

“Sounds like someone else I know.”

A sudden creak from down the hall disrupted them, and they sprung apart, Cornelia sitting upright and reaching for her phone while Irma pretended to go back to sleep. A moment later, Harold's face poked around the door.

“Morning, darling!” he uttered in a stage-whisper, before stepping into the room clad in his robe and slippers. “Does Irma take coffee? I was thinking of brewing a pot to wake your mother up.”

“Only with six million sugars in,” Cornelia said, rolling her eyes fondly. “Don't worry, I'll take over. I know how to make it so she doesn't spit it out.”

Harold laughed, and moved over to start on breakfast as Cornelia set up the coffee maker.

“You two are as thick as thieves.”

Cornelia's hand froze.

“...Well, we're still good friends, but...”

“I drifted apart from my school friends when I went away to college, you know,” Harold mused. “I regret it now. The rift grew so big, and by the time I saw them again they were married, had families... and although we could still talk with ease about these kinds of things, the bond we shared at school – the books we liked to read, the movies we saw together, the pranks we would play on our teachers – all of that was gone. It was something we could look back upon and laugh at, but it's not the same.”

“I didn't know that.”

Harold offered her a kind smile, and reached over to crack some eggs into a bowl, dusting the mixture with pepper.

“Well, I think it's important to keep in touch with those you love. I was actually quite worried when I heard that you were going to your college alone. I know how close you are to the girls you met at Sheffield. I'm... glad that you were able to keep a close bond with them despite the distance.”

Oh, if only he knew how close.

Cornelia set out some cups on the side, hoping her face wasn't burning. If she really was as easy to read as Irma said...

“Well, they're my friends. They're important to me.” She glanced over at him. “Dad, I'm... I'm really happy with my life right now. With the person I am, and the person I'm with.”

Harold stopped whisking, and moved over to pull Cornelia into a tight hug.

“I'm so glad to hear that, darling. I really am.”

They worked in a pleasant silence after that, and when Irma next rolled over, Cornelia was nudging her, cup of overly sweetened coffee in her hand.

“Rise and shine.”

Harold was whistling away as Irma took her first sip, his back to them as he began tossing some bacon and eggs in the pan.

“Mmm. You made it just how I like it.”

“Well, you're picky. If my dad made it you'd choke it down and feel awful the rest of the day,” Cornelia teased. Irma stuck her tongue out.

“Jerk.” After another sip, she added coyly, “I heard the conversation between you two. It was sweet. Are you thinking today might be the day after all?”

“Maybe,” Cornelia said, a flame of confidence ignited in her heart. “He really wants me to be happy, so... maybe when I tell him, he'll understand.”

“Look, Harold Hale might not be leading a revolution, but he's always seemed like a chill guy to me,” Irma said quietly. “If you keep dropping hints, he might figure the rest out on his own.”

“Maybe.”

Cornelia glanced back at her father, still blissfully unaware of their conversation, and she leaned down to press a kiss to Irma's forehead.

“Now, drink up. We have a big day ahead of us.”

…

Breakfast was uneventful, with Lillian dominating the conversation with talk of some dream inspired by a zombie TV show she'd been binge-watching over Christmas break. Irma munched on French toast and bacon and watched in amusement as Harold became disgustingly sweet with Elizabeth, pressing kisses to her head whenever he went to refill drinks, even reaching down to pinch her behind when he was sure his daughters and his oldest's girlfriend weren't looking. Elizabeth swatted his hand away, pretending to be mortified at his brazen display in front of Irma, but the rouge on her cheeks and the affectionate eyeroll told another story. All the while, Cornelia quietly ate and drank, keeping a straight face while prodding Irma's foot playfully with her own under the table.

Oh, Irma could get used to mornings like these.

They took turns showering and dressing, and did the usual routine of wrestling for more mirror space as they brushed their teeth and put on make-up.

“So what's the plan for today?” Irma asked, rubbing some kind of moisturiser into her cheeks. Cornelia leaned in closer and inhaled with a happy sigh. Mango. Irma took the opportunity to turn and press a kiss to the tip of her nose, and Cornelia pulled away with a grin.

“Oh, well now we're all together, today will definitely be a decorating day. I mean, it's Christmas eve tomorrow, so it'd be a little sad if we didn't have the decorations ready by then,” she explained with a shrug, uncapping her mascara beginning to apply it to her upper lashes. “It really shouldn't take too long though. We'll have some time to get away, don't worry. And I think tonight my parents reserved dinner for us at a restaurant in town. I have to warn you, the waiter we had last time was super obnoxious...”

Irma stared at her reflection in the mirror, zoning out of Cornelia's anecdote about the wait staff at said restaurant, before glancing over at her girlfriend. In their teen years, she'd always envied how immaculate Cornelia's appearance was. She'd always seemed flawless somehow, even though Irma knew better and would never ever admit that much. Then, those feelings started to mix with something else, and attraction, jealousy and self-consciousness melted into an ugly soup of insecurity in her psyche. Even now, when she knew better than anyone that Cornelia was smitten with her, doubt crept in, especially in situations like these when they had to stand beside one another and pretend like they belonged in the same league.

“You're beautiful,” she sighed, interrupting Cornelia's spontaneous yelp review. Cornelia's hand jerked at the suddenness of Irma's statement and she hurriedly reached to blot away a clump of mascara stuck to the end of her eyelashes.

“Oh. Well, I do my best, and when it comes to make-up practice always makes perfect, you know.”

“I'm not talking about make-up, though yeah, you should consider dropping out of college and becoming a beauty guru on youtube instead.”

“Well, I think you're gorgeous too,” Cornelia replied with a smile, moving onto her lips. First a layer of balm to soften them, a waiting period of three minutes, and then the application of gloss or lipstick. It was her routine every time, and the waiting drove Irma mad in the mornings they'd spent together over the years. Cornelia's lip balm always smelled so damn good that fighting the temptation to kiss it clean off was a rare torture.

“Have you seen me?” muttered Irma, frowning at her reflection. “Eyebags for days. Messy brows. My lips are chapped to fuck and my skin has been kind of red lately...”

“Every time I see you I want to kiss you all over,” Cornelia said in the kind of factual tone that had Irma raising an eyebrow in disbelief. Still, she didn't protest as Cornelia wound her arms around her, and Irma caught a whiff of coconut lip balm. God damn it, she wanted Corny-kisses so bad. “You still get insecure, huh?”

“Hard not to when my girlfriend could pass for a fucking supermodel.”

“While I'm flattered that you hold me in such high regard, you're a far cry from the disaster you're making yourself out to be,” Cornelia laughed. “Besides, if you're really worrying about stuff, just talk to me, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Irma muttered. Cornelia rifled through her make-up bag for a few moments, before bringing out a small bottle.

“Come here, dope. Let me help you.”

“Why pay big bucks for a beautician when you can get one for free in the form of a generous girlfriend?” Irma deadpanned, but a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. Cornelia grinned back and started to apply the liquid to her cheeks and brow with some kind of blender sponge thing shaped like an egg.

“The trick to combating redness and dark circles is to have a good, strong base that neutralises any discolouration in your skin. In your case, green tones kind of cancel out reds, and yellows are good against dark circles, so it just leaves your skin looking healthier, see?”

She switched over quickly to one with a yellower hue, and Irma hummed in agreement, staying put as Cornelia began tending to her eyebags.

“I think I get where you're coming from. Hay Lin calls me up all the time to gush about colour theory, the importance of colour wheels is stuck in my brain for life.”

“Oh, you and Hay Lin call each other all the time? More than me?” Cornelia teased. She put down the sponge and reached back over to her make-up bag, retrieved something that Irma could only describe as the world's tiniest broom, and began to tame Irma's unruly eyebrows. “Don't tell me the two of you are having a sordid affair behind my back.”

“Our torrid love affair is about as real as yours with mystery botanist man,” Irma responded. Without breaking eye contact with Cornelia, she reached over for her own chapstick and began to apply it. Cornelia's tongue poked out slightly in concentration as she smoothed down Irma's brows.

“It's bad enough my parents keep going on about him, don't you start.”

“Well, he is my alter-ego,” Irma pointed out. “Seems a little rude to silence my opinions on him.”

“I hate when you make a good point.”

Cornelia leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Irma's brow, breathing in the smell of her mango moisturiser one more time and sighing deeply. Irma, in a similar moment of pure, unfiltered lesbianism, caught the scent of Cornelia's lip balm and damn went out of her mind. She tilted Cornelia's head down and what transpired for the next few minutes were a combination of kisses, hugs, and several attempts to escape Irma's python-like grip.

“It's lipstick time,” Cornelia complained, a playful glint in her eye as she finally pried Irma's arms off of her waist. “My lips will dry out.”

“Honey, we're both balmed up, if anything, now we have a double coating. You'll be fine.”

“Still, the sooner my make-up is done, the sooner we can get decorating out of the way, and the sooner we can chill out watching crappy holiday movies.”

“The temptation to stay in this bathroom where no one's watching and we can keep kissing forever, though...”

“Aren't we saving 'kissing forever' for the week at your place?” Cornelia asked innocently, perfectly pencilled eyebrows raised.

“No, that's 'sex forever', silly,” Irma said cheerfully, clapping her on the back.

She glanced back at her reflection. While the foundation and tiny grooming hadn't done much besides tidying her reflection up some, her eyes twinkled with something she could only describe as 'the Cornelia effect', and she found her appearance didn't really bug her so much by this point. As they stood side by side, Irma came to the realisation that she and Cornelia really did fit together, but more like a pair of odd socks that compliment each other in all their contrasting glory.

Maybe someone else would call that love.

…

Christmas with the Hales was turning out to be pretty fun.

Irma and Lillian fought bitterly over control of the spotify playlist that morning, while Elizabeth and Cornelia decorated the tree and Harold cheerfully filmed the entire ordeal. Lillian was stubbornly obsessed with the classics, while Irma kept switching them out for lesser appreciated cover versions, partly because rooting for the underdogs was how she rolled, and partly because she got immense glee out of pissing Lillian off (and for that, Cornelia saluted her for her heroism). When Karmilla's edition of 'All I Want For Christmas' came on instead of Mariah Carey, Lillian threatened to throw Irma's phone out of the window, which had Elizabeth swooping in and putting an end to their temporary rivalry.

They called a truce when the parents set out to buy icing and other edible decorations for the Christmas cookies, leaving the girls to prep them for baking. Lillian greased the baking tray while Cornelia mixed eggs and flour and sugar and cinnamon together in a big red bowl. Irma, meanwhile, sat herself on the island and, in compromise with Lillian, put on a playlist of nineties nostalgia, singing along to Re-feel-it and pretending to drum with a pair of wooden spoons against the countertop.

“Funnyyyyy, how we run around,” she belted. “And see what we got, we don't even know what it is we found...”

“And honey, take a look around,” Cornelia chimed in, using the whisk as a microphone. She spun on her heels, her eyes meeting Irma's as she lifted the whisk up to her lips. “By the time we get there we won't even know where it is we're bound!”

The two of them burst out laughing, and Lillian rolled her eyes. “Dorks.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Cornelia sighed dramatically, smirking at Irma before turning back to the mixing bowl and continuing to whisk the mixture. “I forgot we were in your divine presence, Lillian. I hope you can forgive us for entering the realm of uncool nostalgia for two seconds.”

Irma snorted.

“You know, she always gets more sarcastic when you're around, Irma,” Lillian accused.

“Yeah, I rub off on her. I'm a baaaad influence.”

“Is that any way to talk to our renowned guest?” Cornelia chastised. “What would Dad say?”

“He'd probably tell you not to sing into the whisk. You know how many germs you could be putting into the cookies by breathing on the mixture? You've built up an immunity living among students, but have some consideration for those of us who haven't stepped foot in a sweaty student union hall.”

“You're actually mad,” Irma cackled. “What kind of diseases could Cornelia have besides a bad case of the cooties? Unless... Corny, please don't tell me your parents are anti-vaxxers, or I might have to end this friendship for good.”

“Hell no, they're fine. Since when did you become such a germophobe, Lillian?” Cornelia teased.

“I play zombie games,” Lillian responded sagely. “I know how infection spreads.”

“They really don't paint as accurate a picture as you've been led to believe.”

As the mixture began to thicken into a dough, Lillian joined Irma on sitting on the island counter.

“So what's college like?”

“Classes are boring, my roommate sucks, and I'm drowning in student loans. But the parties are fun, and the people are cool when they aren't being pretentious tools.”

Lillian hummed.

“I can't wait until I go to college. Community's one of my favourite shows.”

“Heh, well, Community is an exaggeration for the sake of comedy, but...”

“Cornelia, what's your college like?”

“You saw it when you and Mom and Dad helped me move in,” Cornelia pointed out, distracted as she began to knead the dough.

“Yeah, but it's not the same! Your dorm is nice, sure, but what about the classes? The parties? The boys?”

“Hmm, I don't know about that. Boys aren't my area of expertise.”

“Well that's gay.”

Irma raised her eyebrows.

“Using 'gay' as an insult? Very 2004 of you.”

Lillian rolled her eyes. “Sorry. So you don't have a boyfriend?”

“Nope,” Irma said shortly.

Cornelia began to knead a little harder.

“I bet you know stuff about Cornelia's boyfriend though,” Lillian said to Irma, arms folded. “Why doesn't she talk about him? Is he secretly ugly?”

Irma snorted.

“Ha. I know a thing or two, but he's actually... probably the most handsome person I've ever known. Aside from your sister!” She playfully punched Lillian on the arm, who looked unimpressed by the statement. Cornelia made a strangled sound.

“Lillian, pass me the cookie cutters, please,” she choked.

Lillian raised her eyebrows and hopped off the counter top, retrieving ones shaped like pine trees and angels and bells, handing them to Cornelia.

“Here they are, weirdo. Anyway, you can't blame me for being curious! We had to pry it out of you that you were seeing anyone at all, and you're always so twitchy when we bring him up. Irma, is he a junkie or a biker or something?”

“Nope, just a loser who lies around watching cartoons all day,” Irma responded with a lazy grin.

“So you have a thing in common.”

“Lillian!” Cornelia admonished, slamming a cookie cutter into the dough with enough force to make the other shapes jump. “Also, Irma, I don't appreciate you calling my partner a loser.”

Lillian pulled a face.

“Partner? What are you, old timers?”

“Cowboys,” Irma chimed in.

“Oh, stop teasing me,” Cornelia huffed. “I'm just trying to be more inclusive. The world could do with more of that, you know.”

Lillian shrugged. “Whatever. So you're liberal now?”

“I reckon I've always been, yes.”

“And you, Irma?”

“Socialist, through and through.”

“Of course you are.”

“Just wait until college, Lillian,” Irma chided with a smile, as Cornelia began setting out the Christmas cookies on the tray. “There's a whole wide world out there.”

…

The Italian restaurant Harold took them to that night was fucking fancy, to say the least. The kind of fancy where there were lemon-scented wipes in little packets on every table and complimentary garlic dough balls and everyone was in suits and dresses. The Hales looked like they fit right in, and Irma was some vagrant they'd picked up off of the streets and were treating to dinner in a commendable act of charity.

“I don't even know what half the stuff on this menu is,” Irma hissed to Cornelia as they took their seats.

“It's good food,” Cornelia promised. “They just use posh names to scare people into thinking its worth the money they're paying. Come on, you watch enough Hell's Kitchen to know what filet mignon is.”

Irma ended up ordering something that she was pretty sure was some kind of beef thing, and Cornelia ordered the one pasta dish on the menu that used aubergines instead of pancetta. The wine was decent at least, and Irma found it easier to sneak glances at Cornelia's cleavage in the scoop neck dress she was wearing with the large flower centrepiece obscuring them from her parents. Lillian, while looking the part in a simple white turtle neck dress, was very obviously playing on her phone under the table.

The sweet onion soup starters arrived swiftly, and Irma was dragged back into a light grilling about her teaching degree from Harold, while Elizabeth began to catch Cornelia up with the latest family drama.

“Why, I just think it's so inspiring that you're choosing to act as a beacon for young people, and pave their futures-”

“-And your uncle, of course, is still coming around asking for money, as if your grandparents don't have enough to worry about-”

“-And you know, teaching qualifications open up the whole world to you! You could teach in international schools, or you could teach English in schools where it's a secondary language-”

“-It's not like their health is getting any better, you know! I keep telling him it's time to stand on his own two feet, he's certainly old enough-”

The moment that their waiter came to take the dishes away, Irma hurriedly excused herself.

In the bathroom (one of those spotless white ones with tiny shell-shaped soaps and embossed toilet paper because of course, rich people) Irma took a few moments to collect herself, staring at her reflection in dismay. She'd done her best to look presentable, but she still stuck out like a sore thumb in this kind of environment. Her dress was a little tight since the last time she'd worn it was for graduation, and her choker was crooked. Her bun was already starting to look lopsided, the redness of her cheeks was starting to show through the base Cornelia had applied that morning...

“Why am I not as perfect as the folks out there?” she muttered to herself, eyes narrowing as she glared at her reflection. She reached for one of the shell-shaped hand soaps and began to pick it with the edge of her fingernail. Absently, the faucet turned and water began to gush out, thrumming to the beat of her frustration.

After a few minutes of self-loathing and contemplation, she heard the sound of the door open behind her, and saw a flash of Irish green fabric, before Cornelia came up behind her, a vision of concern. She startled as the small army of water gushing from the faucet turned on her, almost letting out a hiss of steam, before Irma quickly called it off, allowing it to taper down the drain and out of sight.

“Irma, are you okay? My parents thought I should check on you in case the wine didn't agree with you, but...”

“Yeah, it isn't the wine,” Irma sighed. “It's this whole place. I can't fucking believe your dad called this place rustic on the way here.”

“He doesn't know the meaning of the word,” Cornelia agreed with a giggle. She wrapped her arms around Irma, leaning down to rest her chin on her shoulder. “You look amazing tonight.”

“Really?” Irma sighed. “I don't feel it. Or is this a classic 'lying to your girlfriend's face so she doesn't start crying in a stupidly fancy bathroom' tactic?”

“Well, it wouldn't be a great start to the meal.” Cornelia pressed a kiss to her jaw. “But I'm serious. You look great.”

“I'm practically bursting out of this dress. My tits are fighting for freedom. And my hair is coming undone and my stupid face is getting stupid red!”

“Of course it is, you've been drinking,” Cornelia said, rolling her eyes fondly. “And your face is the furthest thing from stupid, so don't even start.”

“I'm past the point of starting, Corny, I'm waist-fucking-deep in it. Look at this damn soap.” She gestured aggressively towards a shrivelled pebble in the basin. “That was shaped like a fucking seashell when I came in here and I picked and picked at it and now it looks like, I don't know, a really tiny golf ball?”

“Wow. Okay, let's take a step back from the soap.” Cornelia spun her around and rested her hands on her shoulders. “Irma, you look wonderful tonight. Seriously, you do, and I hate that going to this stupid dinner has made you so worked up.”

“It's not just the dinner.” Irma frowned up at her so-tall-it-was-unfair girlfriend. “Look at us. I mean, really look. We're like chalk and cheese, except, you're too pretty to be chalk. We're like – I don't know! An oil painting and cheese! I don't belong here eating food so fancy I can't pronounce it with wine I'm too weak to drink and in a dress that's too tiny for my damn good. You might fit into this magazine-spread life where everything is minimalist and perfect and velvet but I just don't. I saw it in the mirror this morning and I saw it in the mirror again just now. Are you honestly okay with that?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Cornelia asked, the smile gone from her face. “I love you. I love having you in my life. Sure, I like the nice material stuff sometimes, but if you think for one second that I'd put that stuff before you – before us – then the wine has definitely gone to your head.”

Irma huffed. After a beat, she muttered, “Rich people wine is ridiculous.”

“Agreed. Now, listen to me. We're too deep into this relationship to be hitting insecurities over stuff like this, got it? You know I come from money. You wanted to come on this trip with me. Unfortunately, that means seeing the way my family lives up close and personal. I just want you to remember that doesn't define me, or how I feel about you. I want you here. Okay?”

“I hate when you're being reasonable,” Irma groaned. She hugged Cornelia tight.

“Oof. Heh, don't tell me you're drunk already, we have the rest of a dinner to get through.”

“Are you gonna tell your parents tonight?” Irma mumbled into Cornelia's waist.

Cornelia hummed uncertainly. “Maybe. I don't know.”

“Well, remember I still love you. If you don't wanna come out here in this stupid fancy restaurant, no pressure. We'll make it happen some other time.”

“Hey, no need to comfort me, you're the one feeling insecure,” Cornelia teased. Irma lifted her head up to protest, and was met with Cornelia's lips pressing against her forehead.

“Ugh, you're too cute,” whined Irma. “If I weren't wearing heels I would go on my tiptoes and kiss you. And if you weren't wearing heels, we might actually be fucking level for once.”

“Thanks for clarifying that,” Cornelia quipped. “Not to worry, I can accommodate you.”

She leaned down and cupped Irma's cheeks, pulling her into a kiss.

The sound of the bathroom door abruptly shutting ended the sickeningly sweet moment, and they jolted apart. Lillian stood there, wide-eyed.

“Uhhh. Mom told me to come get you two, the main courses are out...” She blinked a few times. “Are you guys... lesbians?”

“Lillian,” Cornelia started, voice strained.

“I'm a lesbian,” Irma said with a shrug and an awkward chuckle.

“So you called me ignorant earlier even though you really are gay?”

“Ignorance is ignorance, sis.”

“Lillian, please don't tell Mom and Dad about this,” Cornelia pleaded. “I'm going to tell them myself, I just haven't had time to yet.”

Lillian folded her arms and huffed.

“I can't believe your mystery guy is just Irma.”

“Oh, ouch?”

Cornelia let go of Irma and approached Lillian.

“I'm serious. Can you please promise me you won't say anything?”

Lillian shrugged.

“I guess. I mean, I don't care about it. Not like they'd believe me anyway.” Seeing Cornelia's pinched expression, she sighed loudly. “All right, no. No, I won't say anything. So you can stop looking at me like that! Now come on, or Mom will be next to find us in here.”

As she pushed open the door to leave, she turned back.

“Also, Irma, you've got lipstick on your face. Hard to play dumb when the evidence is right there on your forehead.”

“When did she become such a smartass?” Irma muttered as Cornelia fished around in her clutch, bringing out a make-up wipe. “Look, don't panic. Lillian might be a pain, but she respects your business. Probably. I mean, I don't know her that well, but it's none of her business right? She knows that.”

“How did she seem to you?” Cornelia asked, chewing her lip. “Uncomfortable? Freaked out? D-Disgusted?”

“None. It was the same kind of grossed out she got when she caught you making out with Peter for the first time, I reckon. It was sibling disgust, not, y'know, her being a phobe.”

“Are you sure?” Cornelia fretted.

“Super sure. Now come on, you heard what she said. Lets go back before your mom drags us back by the ears.”

Irma reached over to squeeze her hand and didn't let go until they were out of the bathroom and in sight of the Hales. Elizabeth turned and shot them a disapproving look, motioning them back over, and Harold's face lit up with a delighted smile.

“I was starting to think the two of you had fallen in!” he joked, as they took their seats. “Is everything all right?”

“Oh, everything's fine,” Cornelia promised, a lie rolling effortlessly from her tongue as Irma stared down at the steak au poivre in front of her. “Irma just smudged her mascara and needed me to come to her rescue.”

“Ah, I see. Surely it shouldn't take that long though?” Elizabeth turned to Lillian. “Were they taking selfies?”

“Oh, they were having a gay old time in there,” Lillian deadpanned.

Cornelia froze. Irma dared to look up from her food to stare daggers at Lillan.

A moment passed, and Harold shrugged.

“Well, I'll never understand it, myself. But the youth of today are always finding beauty in everything! They can make moments last a lifetime! And I'm envious that an entire generation has learned to take pictures from an angle that certainly appear more flattering in post-production...”

As his speech continued, the tension melted away. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at the two of them, as if to silently chastise them for sending Harold on a spiel about technological advancements, before tucking into her food.

Cornelia swiftly kicked Lillian under the table, but all she got back in response was an impish grin.

…

“Urgh, I'm full to burst.”

A now pyjama-clad Irma flopped face down on the pull-out bed, before rolling onto her side and burping softly into the back of her hand.

“I told warned you against dessert, if you recall,” Cornelia said with a grin, pulling her nightgown over her head.

“Yeah, but they had cheesecake. You know I'm weak for cheesecake, Corny.”

“That I do.” Cornelia lay down beside her. “I was a bundle of nerves the whole night.”

“Aw, come here.” Irma pulled Cornelia close, combing her fingers through her hair. “Lillian was just being a brat, that's all. She's got dirt on you, of course she's gonna poke a little fun. But she wasn't about to out you or anything.”

“I know,” Cornelia groaned. “I know. But she's on thin ice, I'm telling you now!”

“Well, the sooner you get it off your chest, the sooner she'll lose that power over you,” Irma pointed out. She yawned. “I'm pooped. Can you turn the light off? And then come spoon me?”

“Sure, your highness,” teased Cornelia, prying Irma's hands off her waist. As she wandered over to the light switch near the hallway, she caught sight of Lillian leaving the bathroom. The two stood there in silence for a few moments, before Cornelia uttered, “Hi.”

“Hi.” Lillian shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly. “Hey, Cornelia?”

“Yeah?”

“Um. I know I didn't say it at the restaurant, but... I don't like, mind or anything. About you and Irma.”

Relief washed over her.

“You don't?”

“No! And you should stop caring that somebody does, you know? Mom and Dad are whatever. I don't know if they'd care about it. But, it shouldn't matter if we mind or not, that's my point. It's about you and Irma, not about the rest of us. Although, since you're a lesbian now, I wish you had better taste in girls. I've seen her eat peanut butter out of the jar with her fingers,” Lillian pointed out, pulling a face.

Cornelia, stunned by the overload of information, leaned back against the wall.

“With her fingers?”

“Yup. It was our house peanut butter, too!”

Cornelia buried her head in her hands. “Oh my god. If I didn't love her so damn much that would for sure be a deal breaker. Also, I'm not a lesbian.”

“You're not?”

“No. I loved Peter, remember?”

Lillian pouted. “Yeah. I miss him.”

“I know you do, you remind me all the time.” Cornelia squared her shoulders. “Lillian, I'm pansexual.”

Lillian raised an eyebrow. “Pansexual?”

“Yes. Pansexual. I... fancy people regardless of whether they're a guy, a girl, or nonbinary.”

“Nonbinary?”

“The internet is a great place to learn about this stuff, since you're on the track to being an ally now.”

Lillian giggled.

“Yeah, I guess. Well, okay. So you're not gay, you're... what's the short of it? Pan?”

Cornelia nodded wordlessly.

“Okay. Cool. You're pan. And Irma's your girlfriend. And she's a lesbian?”

“Yes. You caught on fast.”

With a shrug, Lillian said simply, “It wasn't that hard to grasp. You're pan, Irma's gay, you're dating. That's that.”

Cornelia's mouth opened and closed a few times. At last, she uttered, “You made that seem really easy.”

“I'm a smart and socially aware kid,” Lillian said proudly, hands on her hips. Her smug expression softened. “And I'm happy you're happy. I was kinda thinking, cause you never mentioned your 'mystery uni boyfriend', that maybe you didn't really like him. I'm glad it's just a mix up.”

Cornelia's heart swelled, and she stepped towards Lillian, hugging her tight.

“You're a good sister.”

“And you're a clingy sister, god!”

They bid goodnight and Cornelia climbed into bed beside Irma, who had her back to her and was softly groaning. She yelped as Cornelia wriggled under the covers.

“Holy crap, Corny, your feet are colder than Mount fucking Thanos!”

“So warm me up.”

“Sorry, you got the wrong guardian for that party trick.”

Cornelia rolled her eyes fondly and reached around to spoon her.

“Geez, you ate too much. Your stomach feels like a rock.”

“Don't bully me, that was rich people food! How many times am I gonna get to eat like that again, huh?”

“If you'd just let me take you fancy places-” Cornelia pointed out.

“You know I hate fancy places!” whined Irma, punctuated by another burp. “Ugh. Just cuddle me to sleep, jerk.”

“Who are you calling a jerk, jerk?”

Cornelia obliged nonetheless, letting her body wrap around Irma's with a familiarity that had adapted over the years; from guardian sleepovers to family vacations to just the two of them drunkenly sprawled out in Cornelia's dorm. And now here they were, fitting together like jigsaw pieces, water and earth.

“Sweet dreams,” Cornelia whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of Irma's neck.

“Keep your lips to yourself, Corny,” mumbled Irma sleepily, snuggling closer all the same.

#w.i.t.c.h.#w.i.t.c.h #cornirma #irmelia #femslash february #cornelia x irma #irma x cornelia #cornelia hale #irma lair #irma/cornelia #cornelia/irma #writing

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365day2021 · 2 years

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Day 120

I am super tired so gonna try to compress as much as I can. Woke up around 9 and was contemplating doing the town hall for macarthur managers coming but didn’t do it. Stayed in bed until around like 10 when I ate a grain bar and put on clothes. Went out to Rite Aid to get my first shot of Pfizer vaccine. It was pretty easy, just went in and checked in and the girl asked for a signature and took my temp. Then went around to the pharmacy and waited a bit until I went in to this office. Girl who did my shot was super quick, just asked which arm and boom done. They asked people to wait around 15 minutes just in case so I kinda just sat and then left. Went home and showered and cooked spam and eggs with leftover rice for brunch. After chillin’ a bit and putting my couch covers in the laundry, I went out to my parents. I called my mom earlier about me getting covid shot and she offered me to borrow her roomba so I went over there to get it. Got it, chilled for a bit talking to my bro and then left for target. Picked up vegetable oil, baking soda, fabric freshener, a buy 2 get 1 kombucha deal, and dryer sheets. Ended up going back to my parents bc I was gonna go to bath and body works to pick up some wallflowers but my mom had some extras of just the scent and not the outlet piece so I stole 3 from her. After that I went to the mall. Ethan, Ty, Mandi and Mel were all hanging outside and turned out Ethan was also picking up his AirTags. They released today and I ordered it earlier so I was there to pick it up along with bath and body works. I got there by 4 specifically cause I was waiting for Crystal to come in cause we both split the 4 pack. So I picked it up and waited a bit for her to come in and then we got it done. After me, Ethan and Ty went to Bath and Body Works and I got 2 more scents with the 2 wallflowers. After that, I went home, put the couch covers back on, dealt with the wallflower stuff, and then was chillin’ just watching random videos. Finished the leftover adobo chicken from last night for dinner and started watching akame ga kill again. After that I decided around 730 to go to malco’s for smash fest. I can’t remember every single person who was there but it was like Tele, Love, Brewster and Nino surprisingly, Rhan, Axel who came later, Rem, Egg, and couple others I really don’t feel like thinking anymore. But we played until 3 AM, we had a mini random tournament where I just went mario and lost to Love’s Marth and all we did was 1 stock hyrule temple bottom only. It was single elim as well bc of yeah mojo was there and it was his bday so I let him make all the rules while I just did TO things. But yeah, pretty much a bunch of melee and I was doing pretty well with my falcon to end it off against love’s marth and malco. They could only beat it like twice after playing for like 30 mins to an hour so yeah. It’s 331 and i’m gonna go die now

#April 30

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hangonimevolving · 6 years

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Attempting some gratitude, for once.

I need to post this, before the thought and the mood from which it’s sprung both dissipate into thin air.

I suck at gratitude, on the whole. Seriously, I do, and I know I need to work on that. I’ll spare everyone my sob stories, explanations, justifications, etc. for why I have had a hard time with gratitude in recent years, but suffice to say - I am aware that I suck at it, and I heard somewhere that the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one.... so fine. I admit it. I’m ungrateful and unappreciative in my life most days.

But today, I’ve had multiple - MULTIPLE - moments of just feeling this weird, inexplicable, warm and fuzzy, happy, sigh-inducing THING just bubble up in me. And I was like WTF is this feeling?! Why is my tummy all glittery and light? Why am I sitting here on the sofa smiling for no damn reason?! OHHHHH! Wait! Is this.....gratitude?! HOLY SHIT, I think it is! So I’m gonna write it down and note it for all posterity. I, Evolver, have felt gratitude on this 7th day of September, 2018.

It all started last Saturday night, where, right in the middle of Labor Day weekend and my sister Rithers’ visit to our hike in Miami along with her hubby, Uncle K, and her kids H20 and NiNi, our 5.5-year old Vevvy fell ill. We thought that perhaps he was just overly exhausted from a long and happy day in the pool when he felt warm to the touch on Saturday night, but mid-day Sunday, during a beach excursion - Vev’s FAVORITE thing in the world, he completely fell apart, acting listless, fatigued, and not having fun at all. One look at him, standing statuesque on the beach, staring out to sea longingly while tears rolled down his cheeks, said it all: “what is going on?! I’m so confused, mommy! I’m in my favorite place in the world, and yet I feel so miserable! What is happening to me?!” A hand on his forehead revealed that he was burning up. Without a moment’s hesitation, Dr. Spouse loaded him up in the car and headed for home, while I remained at the beach with Dey to host Rithers and co. a while longer. Poor Vev needed a shower, some kiddie Tylenol, and bed rest, stat.

the “I am siiiiick” face :(

Over the next seven - SEVEN! - days, Vev would continue to have relentless fevers or 101-103F even with continuous children’s Tylenol and Motrin. He also developed monster congestion in his sinuses and nose, headaches, body ache, and general fatigue. I was sincerely shocked and more than a little intimidated by his congestion snot (keeping it real), which was so thick and oppressive, it would choke his throat and inhibit his from breathing if he dared to rest in even a semi-reclining position.

The poor kid had no choice but to be completely upright if he didn’t want to gag on his own phlegm, which meant that he (and by transitive property, I) could really sleep no more than 90 minutes at a stretch for four nights straight. He was miserable, and I was doing everything I could to help him, staying with him each night either on an air mattress in my bedroom, or just holding him against my shoulder/chest in my bed while he desperately tried to sleep and breathe at the same time. I felt awful for him, and mused for a moment about parents whose children have respiratory disorders like CF who live their lives this way.... good health is such a blessing that we all take for granted.

As much as I hated every minute of Vev’s suffering, there was something a bit nostalgic in holding him sleeping in my arms for several consecutive nights. Wasn’t there a time in the not-so-distant past where this was the ONLY way he’d sleep?! I bitch and moan all the time about how clingy, dependent, and non-self reliant my kids are — but it has been years since Vev needed me at night this way. My Vevvy has grown up a lot.

And to his credit, despite all this sicky misery, he was really a trooper while ill. Against his traditional character, when sick or not, he really didn’t complain much - just went quiet and kept to himself for days, forming a little nest on the sofa each day with a warm blankie, big box of Kleenex, and his iPad, not really asking for much at all except quiet and rest. He never really complained when I had to give him medication, and he did his best to heed my urges to drink clear fluids even when I could tell he really didn’t want to. And - forgive the TMI here - but you know your kid is really growing up when they begin to have some way of forewarning you and/or running to the bathroom on their own steam and hitting the preferred target of the toilet when they’ve gotta vomit. Fortunately, Vev only puked twice this week, and I suspect that too was only bc he gagged on his own copious snot — but both times, he announced “throwwww uuuup!” to me before sprinting to the loo and handling affairs with no mess and accurate aim. HALLELUJAH! This should be considered a major developmental milestone!!! (And yes - poor, poor kid! I really am glad it was only the twice, because that must have sucked a lot for him!)

Yeah, so. He’s growing up. Way to go, buddy!!!... and, sniff.

(supposedly this says “Mommy I love you ”... but he always starts writing at the bottom of a page and works his way up. He may also be of the mind that “Mommy” is spelled “mom-E.” Yes, we’re gonna work on it)

It was only yesterday, Thursday, that we got an official pediatrician diagnosis of his illness: the flu, as in the legit flu virus, or Influenza A. The word came too late for antiviral medications to be of any great use to him, unfortunately, but I was grateful anyway that we got a halfway-decent pediatrician BRILLIANT nurse practitioner who needed my assertive request demand for a prophylactic prescription or Tamiflu for Dey. We’ve had shitty luck in South Florida with pediatricians who appear to be reactionary and unnecessarily nonsensical in their responses to my requests for help - but this time, our pedi NP was A+. She treated our family like competent, educated people and did things that made sense as far as ensuring this highly-contagious virus wouldn’t spread to another healthy child living in the same household. I wish she could be our regular PCP (but of course, I bet she can’t be, bc she’s not a doctor. Grr, fucking managed care. Oops, hold it - I’m supposed to be channeling gratitude here, not my customary bitchiness. My bad.)

Anyway, speaking of Dey, I’ve got to brag about him a bit here too. At 3.5 years old, Dey’s baseline is definitely chill, go-with-the-flow, glass-half-full, and a pleasant, happy and easygoing “whatever you want, dude!”-ness that Vev NEVER was at that age. It’s been really awesome to see. But this week, his general outlook on life, combined with impressive moments of being a team player, cooperating, helping out, and exhibiting formidable empathy really made me sooo proud.

It’s certainly understandable that he’d be potentially jealous that his older brother got to skip an entire week of school while he still had to go. It would be even more understandable since they are actual CLASSMATES at school this year (yes, our Montessori school groups ages 4-6/preschool, pre-K and kindergarten in one classroom, so they’ve been together at school and at home since the start of the academic year). So I was very impressed when Dey accepted his brother’s illness and his need to stay home from school, while he was forced to go. Without one word of complaint, he’d get up each morning, eat his breakfast, get washed up and dressed out in uniform, gather his things, then visit Vev quickly and dispense a goodbye hug and a “hope you feel better, Vev!” before loading up in the car for school drop-off. What a trooper. At afternoon pick-up, when I’d ask about his day at school, he’d say with a little frown, “oh, school was okay...but Vev wasn’t on the playground.” It was kinda weird feeling my heart simultaneously break a little, but also burst with pride at how much he loves his brother. Sweet kiddo.

At home, each afternoon he’d run excitedly to Vev to see how he was doing, his face full of hopeful anticipation that perhaps today, Vev was feeling better and could play with him... but when he’d find Vev too miserable and tired to play, his face would momentarily fall in disappointment, but then he would muster some compassion and understanding, silently shuffle away, and find a quiet game to do in the vicinity, just so he could be nearby without disturbing Vev. Or, cuter still, he’d snuggle down on the opposite side of the couch as Vev, and tune his iPad into the same YouTube video Vev would be watching, so they could give each other silly smiles and glances during the funny parts. The boy would periodically race off in the house to find his toy doctor kit, and would affix his little plastic stethoscope to his ears so he could “give Vev a checkup” and “make him feel better.”

(Dr. Cutie Pie is in)

It was adorable, man. His whole world spins because of his brother. It’s so touching. I don’t know how it is that I managed to have two kids who love each other so much, because karmically I’ve done NOTHING to earn this. My sister and I were rotten to each other as kids, and only really turned a corner on it in our... what, our late 30′s?! Haha :) But I’m so grateful for these two dudes. These two little people are the best of friends, and they can’t live without each other. The feels.

One more funny brag about Dey. Dr. Spouse and I often jokingly refer to him as Dory, i.e. the lovable blue fish, voiced by Ellen DeGeneres from the Disney movie “Finding Nemo.” Dory’s schtick is that she’s easily distracted and has short-term memory.

Fittingly, Dory is one of Dey’s favorite cartoon characters, and he’s not shy to let the world know....

youtube

Anyway. Remember that whole prophylactic script for Tamiflu? Mind you, I was so grateful to get it. But. Ummmm, pediatric Tamiflu tastes FOUL. It is seriously the most bitter, disgusting, viscous goo I’ve ever gingerly licked to mentally prepare myself for my kid’s reaction to. I began fearing Dey’s reaction, and the ensuing tantrums to come over the five-day course of the drug. But I spoke matter-of-fairly to Dey about how this was a medicine he’d need to take to keep himself healthy, and that it would be a little bit yucky, but that I’d give him a HUGE spoonful of sugar right after to make it taste better (and THANK YOU, blessed Mary Poppins, for your genius).

Luckily, little Dory just took my words at face value without any further thought, opened his mouth, and downed the nasty shot of devil’s semen Tamiflu that I dispensed into his mouth. Immediately his face went every shade of red, purple, and white, with a coordinating expression like “what the hell is this shit?!” — but I swooped in there prepared, like a crack-smoking Mother of Batman, giving him a swig of water then heaping a MASSIVE spoon of white sugar directly onto his tongue. The result was nothing short of magical - the kid instantaneously closed his eyes in pleasure, turned up his cute little round cheeks to the ceiling with a huge smile on his face, and loudly cooed “Mmmm!” as if it was the best damn thing he’d ever eaten in his life. Moments later, the sugar fully dissolved, Dey matter-of-fairly reminisced with a RainMan-esque tone, “hey mommy, that medicine was kind of yucky for me. Kind of salty. Kind of spicy. But the SUGAR WAS YUUUUUUMMMMMY!” I worried that at the next dosing (and man, the kid’s gotta take it morning and night, poor little dude) he’d run screaming from the salty spicy medicine, and wouldn’t fall for the sugar trick — but amazingly, when I announced “medicine and sugar time,” the child came RUNNING to me with a huge grin on his face like he’d just won the lottery. He gulped down the medicine like a champ, swigged the water himself, then began changing “Su-gar! Su-gar! Su-gar!” till I ladled a bit into his mouth. Naturally, my mind spun forward a bit, concerned that his ease of overcoming the Yucky Taste Barrier and downing this stuff for a cheap reward might translate into some unsavory teenage and young adult behaviors (err, tequila shot champion in the making?! Please god, help us). But, for now - eternally grateful for my little Dory’s easy distractability and forgiving memory!!! Vev, at that age and even now, would have NEVER gone along with this!

(is it just me, or do they even kinda sorta look alike, Dory and Dey? No one else sees it?! No one?!!! Hmm...)

Anyway. In conclusion, it’s not normal for me to have something kind of bad happen, like the flu hitting one of my kids, but finding some good in the mess. But here I am, in spite of myself, awash in all the warm fuzzies.

1. I’ve got two healthy, happy kids, when many people have children with serious health issues and have to live their lives watching their kids sick and miserable all the time

2. my kids are growing up, becoming wonderfully independent, self-reliant, empathetic and helpful. But they still sometimes need me, and that’s nice too.

3. They both have such fun, distinct personalities.

4. I admit that it’s pretty awesome that my second kid is so chill. Love them both to bits, but if kid #2 has been more ornery and neurotic, I think that would have sucked. Having a chill kid #2 is a godsend.

5. They frigging LOVE EACH OTHER. It’s a goddamn brotherly love fest up in here.

6. Last but not least - the flu sucks, but it isn’t forever, and life will go on. Soon, in fact. And we’ll be onto the next adventure together. Look forward to seeing what it’ll be!

#Vev #Dey #parenthood #influenza #flu #brotherlylove

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fightmewiatch · 6 years

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Every so often, I have a day, one where something happens that keeps popping up things in my head that bug tf out of me.

Today is...one of those days. Lol. But today I’m gonna write out, hopefully throwing it out will help me clear my head. (And it’s going under a cut, because it is looooong).

So, today I got an email from my supervisor that my productivity is really too low. Which, I knew that, I knew it wouldn’t be spot on. It was only based on the last few weeks, so I did email back to let her know that the last few weeks I’ve been getting constant headaches bc of my eyes / old glasses, but I finally went to the eye doctor last week so I should be better once I get the new glasses.

Here’s the thing about this job. We log requests for medical records that are sent to specific hospitals/doctors offices/etc into our system (requests from patients, insurance, other health facilities, law firms, etc.). (We also send out the records, but I only do the first part of the job.) Working from home, I get assigned to a bunch of different facilities - sometimes that place is in Louisiana, sometimes Florida, sometimes it’s a country-wide place. When I change facilities, I have to “transfer” on my timecard, so they can see how long I’m spending in each website (and then the physical system keeps track of how many requests I’ve put in).

It’s pretty much become commonplace for me to run out of work LONG before the end of the day, and then I email my super (same one who sent me my productivity), & ask for work. If I’m lucky, she answers me within ten minutes with more work. More often than not, I’m waiting between 30 minutes and several hours, and by that point, I email her at least one more time, and then try to find work on my own.

No one has ever told me otherwise, so when I run out of work, I tend to stay in the facility I was last in (so instead of 2 hours in one place, I can be shown there for 2.5 or more, even without having work). When I emailed her back, I specifically asked her if there was a different place to “Transfer” to, so I don’t throw off my numbers, considering I often have to wait a while.

To no surprise, I answered her at least an hour before the end of the day, and she didn’t answer.

(I’m not looking for ways to fix this, I’m just basically throwing down what sparked the day.)

I’ve worked at 2 law firms in my life.

Law Firm #1.

Family firm (owned & run by a husband & wife - he was the name on the door, she was his secretary / office manager).

This place was wild.

I worked here twice. Once for two years, before I moved for school, and then after school (and a different job), I came back for another two and a half. And let me tell you.

The first time I worked there, as secretary:

I worked part time. There was a second secretary who had been there a LOT longer that everyone loved but she was one of those older women who was certain no one else knew what they were talking about sometimes.

My boss (owner, lead atty) wanted a listing of Potential Clients. Since we mostly did school law, business law, estate planning, and real estate, you think we would limit to that, yes? Nooooo. I had to make an excel spreadsheet of EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the phone book. Yes, you read that right. I had to spend my downtime putting THE PHONE BOOK (you remember those, right?) into an Excel Spreadsheet, so he could organize it by: first name, last name, city, address. Didn’t have an address? Find it by any possible means so long as it doesn’t cost money.

My boss decided he loved Spreadsheets. I then had to transfer our entire client file (which was, at the time, comprised of about...2100 clients) into Excel. Also, so he could organize it by: First Name, Last Name, Business Name, Address/City, Reason for them being a client (god help us if they were there for multiple things), OR, for the schools, who the Superintendents were.

Sounds decent. But we had three different client lists to update every single time we got new info or a new client. Two in Word (one by Last Name, and one by Client Number) (which had been printed out for a hard copy that we had to keep reprinting to update them), & the one in Excel (which I fucking refused to print out, bc we’re talking HUNDREDS of pages, and what a waste of $$ and paper).

Each time you created a new client, you had to write the information down on a sticky note and take it upstairs to K in billing, so she could make sure the information was put into her billing system. (and then she would give it to T who did payroll & incoming payments, so when people paid, they’d know what the $$ was for.)

Overall, my first 2 years there were okay. Nothing horrible, really, it was fine.

But then, the second time I worked there (approx. 3 years between leaving & coming back), in billing:

I was the billing assistant. K was still Head Billing. I adored her, we were friends despite the 30+ year age gap.

The Billing Office was shared: me & K, and T had been transferred in there but she still did Payroll & Incoming.

We were still at 4 attorneys, but 2 of the ones I used to work with were gone & 2 others were in place; and we fluctuated with other people in the building - 6 to 7 to 6 to 7.

The secretary was the same as before, but she left about a month after I came back (she retired). They hired another woman, J. She was very experienced, very helpful, very firm, I really liked her.

At first.

Her mom passed away (and I felt so bad, bc she hated her mom’s bf & there were a lot of issues and things), and afterwards, she wasn’t my friend anymore, she just seemed to be looking for a reason to leave.

T was terrible with math (which is AWFUL for someone doing, you know, PAYROLL and INCOMING PAYMENTS). I mean terrible. We added up our own timecards, and I was shitty at keeping the math right, so I found a website to help (which I then shared with the paralegals who fucking loved it). But a couple times, T messed up hours for one of the paralegals, and the girl mentioned it to me bc I collected the cards (T had leg problems, so she limited herself to coming up & down the steps as much as she could - I did running for her).

One time, when payroll got printed, and T was working from home, I checked her math, just because she wasn’t there, & I knew the boss would be leaving and if the paralegal didn’t catch it quickly, she would have to wait another day for the correct check (guys, you know how big of a pain that can be especially if you need that money). In the process, I pulled out J’s, trying to sort through them. I never just look at someone’s check stub, never ever, it is none of my business, and the only reason I was looking in the first place was hours, not pay. But J got a raise. No one in that building ever got a raise. Never. I’d worked there (at this point), a grand total of 3 years, and the only “raises” I got was a) bc they rehired me, and b) they wanted to make me a paralegal (which I didn’t want, but they let me keep the pay difference).

The OM called me into her office a few hours later, and just ripped into me for going through payroll & telling everyone about J’s raise which is NO ONE else’s business, and I was so flustered bc I didn’t know what she was talking about. Turns out, J told the OM that I was telling everyone she got a raise, so instead of calmly asking me, she asked if I looked at payroll, and I was honest, and she just lectured me like a stern, mad, disappointed parent (you know...the tone of voice & the facial expressions that can send you into an anxiety attack). The young attorney was my friend, he actually came to my defense when he found out what happened, told the OM that I didn’t tell anyone anything, that J was bragging about her pay raise to the paralegals (and since he spent time down there working, he heard her). (I never did get an apology from J for lying about me, or from the OM for yelling at me like I was a disgrace.)

It was one of my responsibilities to go to Staples & pick up supplies with a business check. (That’s right. We didn’t order anything in, I physically drove up, shopped, paid, and hauled it back myself. In 2.5 years, I was only offered help twice. The young attorney had a perfect view of my car from his office, never came out unless I went in and asked (and I only ever asked him to carry the GIANT BOXES OF PAPER). We had a list down front of everything we needed - printer ink, paper, pens, staples, tape, etc etc etc. Sporadically, my boss would ask me to bring her the list, I’d triple check it so nothing got missed, and bring it to her, then she’d nod nod nod, hand me a signed check, and let me get it.

One time, she told me to get everything we needed. No biggie, typically. But this rang out over $300, minimum (I’m almost blanking). I am telling you, she nearly had steam shooting out of her ears, and refused to let me go (like I’d messed up somehow) for well over a month.

The bosses & at least one of their daughters (they had 4 kids) were Pro-Trump. (This is...this is all I need to say about this.)

J wound up showing up 2 hours late for work, going up to the boss, telling her she quits, and then leaving. (They tried to get her to stay with, you guessed it, another raise and a duty change. She still left.) We hired B, a lovely timid women. She was very, very nice, and as far as I know she’s still there.

The two paralegals left and were replaced - one left, the 2nd trained the 1sts replacement, and then the replacement trained the 2nds replacement. (It was hilarious when the OM introduced us to the first replacement bc I knew her. I worked with her at the other law firm. We laughed, waved, smiled, good times.)

For a while, I had to sit in on meetings my boss had with clients (I had to take notes). This became rare for me, because once they had the 2 paralegals, they took turns, with B. We never really conversed with the clients beyond hi, but once I managed to have a nice conversation with a couple who had a place in Florida, and we talked bc it was at a place I had been to earlier the year before for my sister’s wedding, and we were having a nice conversation. Which, as you guessed, was interrupted by my boss who looked flummoxed that I, a low billing clerk, would have anything in common with his clients that he didn’t have in common with them. (He never said that, but you could see it well enough on his face.)

They had a quirk. They kept everything. Every bill that had been printed, it was printed, then copied - clients got the original, we kept two copies, one for when they paid (we would staple either a copy of the check or the check stub to the bill, so we knew what checks paid what bills), and then a copy for Billing, with any notes, adjustments, etc etc. (I’m talking bills back at least a decade, just thrown into the back apartment.)

I should mention here? The Office Building was an old apartment building. The entire downstairs and most of the upstairs had been converted into offices, but there was 1 last apartment in the very back that had a couple broken window panes, dust, bugs, etc etc. It’s where they stored old Bills & Paid Bills (anything older than 1 year).

We’re pretty sure it’s haunted (I say this, bc I did record the sound of a giggling little girl in that back apartment, which is upstairs, not connected to any other buildings, and there were no little girls in there at the time.)

I worked there 2013 to 2017, this time around. Around 2014, I talked to K, and the OM, and made the suggestion to get rid of those bills. But not just toss them, no. Let’s SCAN THEM IN! I was excited when they loved the idea. (My poor, poor stupid self.) I had to scan in every bill (we’re talking thousands and thousands) of bills, I scanned in every single bill that we sent out between, like...2006 and 2015, by the time I left (I left Jan of 2017, and idk if I finished scanning in 2016 before I did).

This meant: unstapling at least a dozen pages per bill, scanning in every page of the bill, plus every page fo the last draft bill (bc of course there are multiple drafts), logging every single bill into a Spreadsheet so we knew what we had, for whom, and where. I had to set up a bunch of fucking folders - one for every year, broken down into month, broken down to Schools or Miscellaneous (Everything else), broken down to Bills and Drafts, so we didn’t mix things up. This was fine if the bill was between 1 and 10 pages, but after 2009, we had bills that were twenty, thirty, forty pages long, I am not joking, and if one page messed up, I had to scan them all in AGAIN bc I was using the free Adobe.

It was tiring, so I printed out pricing, asked the OM if we could get the monthly subscription.(This was maybe mid 2014, I think). (And then promptly watched her hum, and put it somewhere never to be seen again.) K, her gracious soul, prompted the boss a couple times, but it was brushed off every time.

I finally paid it myself, fuck it, I’m not rescanning 80 pages bc 1 page got stuck in the scanner.

One months before I left, the paralegals asked me about it, bc they had me fix stuff, scan stuff, bc i Had the better program, so I told them were to look. They asked the OM, who then asked me why I was paying for it myself. (I could have screamed.)

My bosses were the kind of people who went to church, and thought that made them good people. The Big Man had a library of religious DVDs, books, CDs that he loaned out to people. Asked me to, yup, make and keep the Spreadsheet of everything - one for CDs/DVDs, one for Books - and then keep the log/keep track of who borrowed what, & when it was returned. (This included tagging each item with a number. Had 6 of the same thing? Then 6 of them were given the same number). I stopped keeping such good track when he started accepting returns & not telling me who brought them back, or started loaning them without telling me what and to whom, & started adding things in without telling me so I could label them (and then loaning them out without me having numbered/logged them).

My boss wanted me to work on the Website and their FB page. Thought we could send out an email to everyone (when I say everyone, I don’t just mean clients, I mean every person he could get an email for in the county), and when the IT guy said no, bc a mass email that size would most likely go to Spam, he said “Isn’t there a way to make sure it goes in their inbox?” and we all looked at each other as he said, “No, not unless we hack everyone’s emails, and that is very much against the law.”

I got paid mileage, because I often went to Staples, the bank, the boss’ house, two of the employees’ houses, two of the schools (who needed their bills NOW, not whenever the mail was sent out) and the Post office. One time I wrote the wrong mileage - I added going to the employees’ house, bc I did, but I did it on my way to/from lunch, so it didn’t count, but I was in a rush to write it, and I forgot until she was asking me why it was broken up. When I told her, she gave me the look, like I was trying to steal from her, and lectured me about it. (It was an accident, okay?)

T had diabetes, and after a lot of other medical issues and family issues, she had even more and they had to take her leg below the knee, and because the office wasn’t Handicapped accessible (there was some legal loophole that kept them from having to update the building), she got to work from home. The OM honest-to-god, when we were talking about how awful it was that they had to take the leg, said (summarizing) no one else has problems in comparison. ....I had to stare to try and figure out if she was serious (she was), because, yeah, it’s awful, but her problems did not negate anyone else’s, and man I feel sorry if that’s how you feel.

The program we used for billing went down one day. We called called texted called our IT guy, but he didn’t answer, didn’t answer, didn’t answer, and then finally said he’d be there at some point but he didn’t know when (he worked 3 other jobs, and was our IT guy, it was not a good setup, I’m sorry). My entire job revolved around this program, so I couldn’t do anything, so after waiting all morning, I emailed the OM before I went to lunch that I could just take the afternoon off (I figured it was better they not pay me at all, instead of paying me to twiddle my thumbs; K agreed (and she’d been there since they pretty much opened the doors at least 20 years before)), and then clocked out and went to lunch. when I dropped my mom off after, the OM called me, screaming at me because how dare I just leave, I needed to be in that office, just made me feel about an inch tall because I did that (and reminded me I had things I could do for the website, which I swear I had forgotten about bc I was so distracted by the damn program). I had to crawl back to work for the afternoon, and listen to another lecture, basically belittling me for the choice I made, that I don’t get to make that choice (I was seriously the only person who doesn’t get to make that choice, pretty much everyone else in that office was able to work from home, leave if something at the office wasn’t working, etc). (I still hear her in my head some days, if that tells you how bad that day fucked me up.)

We had bowed windows in Billing. We also had our own furnace/ac system. The insulation was long gone, so in the summer, if the AC was on (and down to about 60/65) it was fine, but the second it kicked off, you burned up. In the winter, if the heat was on (we had it cranked to 80), it was fine, but when it kicked off, it FROZE, i had to wear sweaters and gloves while I worked. K did, too. The first time I was there, they had space heaters up there. But the bosses hired the worst construction crew ever (hired them bc they were clients, btw), who had to rewire something else, which rigged Billing so that if we tried to use a space heater, it would blow the entire breaker on our side of the building.

Despite everything K or I said, about the fact that it leaked into billing when it rained, we were ignored. Until the day it poured in on me, and two ceiling tiles fell (lucky for them, I was already leaping out of my seat from the cold water, or I’d have had a field day). The guys fixed the side of the building, but never replaced the tiles (which we knew was because, if they replaced the two that had fallen, they’d have to replace all of them, which meant they’d have to admit to knowing about the mold in the ceiling).

I’m adding these as an after-bullet-point, because I did these both times I worked there.

This firm handled business, school, estate plans, and real estate law. This meant they wanted brochures, but not just A Brochure, with highlights for the company, no. Brochures for the general work we did, our school work, our business work, our estate plans, & our real estate work, each one with each (relevant) attorney on it (as attorneys left, they had to be removed, & as they joined, they were added - including their photograph, which they didn’t always provide and I had to dig for). Brochures were tri-fold, but at one point, we had 5 attorneys, and with the other (honest to god) bull drivel that was on these brochures, 5 did not fit in a tri-fold, meaning I had to figure out how to fit a 5th without it looking ridiculous. (And my boss was kind of...irritating, in the fact that I should show him how it would look A DOZEN TIMES, in a DOZEN WAYS, get his sign off, print 20 copies - as he told me to do - only for him to “suddenly” change his mind, meaning I wasted paper (at minimum $25 a box, and ink at minimum $25 a cartridge/$49 for black & color).

Sometimes (two to three times a year, I think) they did seminars, where they would compile a binder related to the Specific Thing (estate planning, real estate, school staff training, etc), because they were going to basically hold a class, pass these binders out, teach the attendees things. It was always my responsibility to assemble these binders (which typically wound up being 1 for the file, 1 for the OM, 1 for boss, 1 for whatever attorney was presenting, and approx. 5 to 25, depending on how many people were attending). Low end, we’re talking 9, high end, 29. Before I could even begin to assemble, the boss/OM/attorney had to get the stuff together for the binder - the forms, the spreadsheets, the index, literally think of a Handbook, and that’s what we were putting together. The boss had final say on everything. This is a man who has no concept of a timeline. So the day before the presentation, he was finishing the edits. OM would give me a check (she didn’t bat an eye for this shit, ever), send me to Staples to pick up all the supplies: binders, cover stock (bc yes, I also had to print covers, and use a blank piece of matching cover stock as a “back cover”), ink, regular paper, divider pages (meaning: colored construction paper), pens & notepads (bc ofc those were included, in case they had to take notes), and brochure paper (bc those were included, too). In less than 8 hours, I had to: use my computer to print anything in color or anything on the non-regular-paper (the copy machine was only normal paper, b&w); copy everything 9-29 times in the copy machine; hole punch everything (with a hole punch that would do max 10 pages at a time, and honey, they were rarely only 10 pages); assemble in order the binders; trim the card stock covers (bc somehow, they never fucking fit otherwise); and then try to stack 9-29 uneven binders on the 2nd floor conference room table. (And sometimes? Yes. Sometimes, the boss would take one when I was half-way through (without me knowing sometimes btw), and make some changes, meaning I’d have to take them apart and redo those pages, which meant going back to the computer, editing the original document, reprinting & copying, repunching, and reindexing). Please note: yes, I said in less than 8 hours, but that is being generous, bc do you think this man was ready for me to start when I walked in? No. He’d call the office around 11 or 12 to have me start (he often “started his day” from home, a mile away), so I’d go pick up the information, get it done, and get started bc I had to get a check, shop for supplies, print, copy, punch, arrange, index 9 to 29 binders with min 10 pages in each, plus covers, plus divider pages as necessary, between 12pm and 5pm. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

(I know this is long, I’m sorry, last spot.)

My other job.

Law Firm #2

Owned by one man who was like 400 years old and half dust. (He was a piece of work. His son was also a lawyer, but he & his new wife hated his son, and he constantly tried to sue his son to keep him from using his name in his business. They...they had the same last name.)

His wife owned a dress shop that was PRICED HIGH but was not very good quality (and actually had a second shop in the City).

They lived in a mansion. With maids. And the wife thought it appropriate to call in before we got in for the day, leave a list of things needed from the store, so one of the employees at the office (she used a couple of us as her own servants) could go to the store, get it, and bring it to the house.

I was hired as a Work Comp Clerk. Meaning I send out the subpoenas to health care facilities/doctors/etc to get bills and records for court. But the second they saw I’d been a secretary (at Firm #1) before, they took that chance. Made me secretary first thing in the morning (before the actual lady showed up), and for an hour after lunch (while the actual lady was at lunch). This was the busiest hour of the day. It was an 11 line phone, and no one else was allowed to answer it. (Firm #1? 4 lines and a fax, with 3 people as backup.)

I did fine at first. Made friends with the girls I worked with, and the other attorneys.

The owner, and the office manager? Nope. They hated me. I hated them. They looked for anything to get mad at me for.

I do not speak Spanish. 2 people in the office do (the secretary, and the woman who was made to do running for the wife). There was one time neither of them were in after lunch (usually 1 of them was there), while I was working the front desk, so of course someone called in that spoke Spanish. I told them, uno momento, por favor, bc I do know that much at least, put them on hold, called the OM. She raced up, started rifling the desk to tell me there was a sticky that said how to say one minute please, and I said “I know how to say that, and I did, that’s why they’re on hold. What do I do now?” And she looked at me like I’d grown a second head, before huffing and telling me to call our maintenance man (who spoke Spanish), so he could translate for me. (I think the secretary came in before I could, so she did the call for me.

I started having trouble doing my job. I’d never get records or bills, I’d spend half the day on the phone going round & round trying to figure out what the problem was, I’d keep sending reminder requests, but some of them I just could not get. One of the attorneys I explained this too, and he took a second to realize what I meant, before saying it was fine, just try, and if I can’t, I can’t.

Two of the attys left, and were replaced with 1 attorney who had just gotten his license, and one who had not yet taken the bar (so she legally wasn’t an attorney). They were nice, the attorneys there were (mostly) nice.

About halfway through the time I worked there (8 months. I was there 8 months), someone started calling, leaving threatening messages at night on the voicemail. It got to the point that one night, the secretary asked me to cover the front desk a little bit before I went home bc she had to go in with the boss and the OM, and a cop, so they could play the messages and figure out what to do. She didn’t mention there was a cop coming, no one did, so when he showed up, I did what I’m trained to do (write down his name, what he wants, etc) and went back to the boss’ office to ask him. “Well who is it?” “Officer XX.” “...is his first name Officer?!” “...well, no.” “Go find out what his name is!” He actually even called me an idiot, in the loudest possible voice, and kicked me out of his office. I was shaking, I was so angry, and I went up front, and whipped the notepad to the desk (it’s funny now bc the young atty was coming out of his office, saw me throw the notepad, and turned back and went into his office lol). The cop asked me if he could go in and I said no, he wasn’t ready yet, and the cop sighed, said he had a job to do, and they called him, and I got short with him and basically told him they’d call up when they were ready, so SIT DOWN. (Thankfully, they called up for him, so I walked him back and then just sat at the front desk, seething.)

Honestly, that was the downfall. That was when I started looking for a job, but considering I’ve got anxiety and a fear of public speaking and all that non-fun stuff, it isn’t easy (and I never know how to answer interview questions, which genuinely makes them think I’m stupid, I’ve seen their faces).

Just over a month before my birthday, I walked into work (on Monday), and went to put my bag at my desk. I got confused, seeing someone in my chair, but I just figured it was so she could train with the lady in the next desk, and I didn’t care bc I was working the front desk for that first hour. But just before the hour was up, the OM came up to me, asked me to come see her when I was done up there. Okay. Told me to bring my purse. ...o...okay. Finished the hour, grabbed my purse, went back. SURPRISE. That new girl was my replacement, and I was being demoted, which came with a pay decrease, as well as an hour decrease (although I was still expected to have lunch at the same time, and cover the front for the same time frames, even though they were taking 2 hours off my schedule every single day and over a dollar off my pay), and I was the runner. Because I wasn’t doing my job to their standards (they never told me that, they never gave me a warning, they never gave me a head’s up. Just BAM you’re fucked). I worked until 3 (per my new schedule), walked into her office, said “I’m not coming back, I can’t do this job anymore.” She shrugged, and turned away from me. I quit. (I had called my mom around lunch and her first words were “Fuck them, you quit & come home right now.” I just told her I needed to finish the day.)

I filed unemployment.

We did the hearing: one of the attorneys I liked was representing them, with the OM as one witness, and my closest coworker as the other. I felt awful and betrayed because we’d kept in touch (this was a month after I left, ish), but here she was telling them all my negative traits - including that I would stare out the window for periods of time. I explained to them (as I did while I worked there) that it helped my eyes, and helped me think, when I couldn’t remember my Next Step. After a little while of them talking shit about me, talking about how terrible I was, and all that stuff to make them file against me so I don’t get anything. And after hearing me say I had no warning, the hearing officer interrupted me and said “So...OM, you never gave her warning.” “Nope.” “You didn’t give her a head’s up, didn’t give her a chance to correct her problems, just expected her to keep working for you after cutting her hours, and her pay, and changing her responsibilities. With no warning.” “Right.” “Are you crazy?” I won. I laughed maniacally.

When the following year’s W-2′s came out (i worked for them a few months the year they were for, so I needed theirs), mine didn’t show when it was supposed to, so I called. New girl, said she got hers, put me on hold, “called the OM”, who told her to tell me that yes, they were sent. I got it 3 days later (postmarked the day I called. Mailed mine out my fucking ass).

added: Oh yeah. Someone had called at one point, & there was A Thing I was supposed to do, but no one had ever told me about it, never mentioned it, etc etc, so I didn’t know it existed, meaning I didn’t know there was something I didn’t know (following me?). I asked the OM. She said “well, if you didn’t know, you should have asked.” “...I...didn’t know. Like, in any capacity. How do I ask about something I don’t know exists? It’s not that I didn’t know how to do it, I didn’t know it was a thing.” “You should have asked.”

Yeah.

I think that’s it.

#sorry guys #i know this is really long #i just had to get a LOT off my plate #and my chest

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