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mcjoelcain · 3 years

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How to set SMART Goals (and win BIG this year)

Let’s be honest: people suck at goal setting.

Even when we really want to do something, we have a hard time achieving it.

(Need proof? Just consider that the vast majority of New Year’s resolutions fail by February.)

But, it’s not our fault. Nobody teaches us how to really achieve what we set out to do. They don’t teach us how to make smart objectives.

That’s because the problem with how you set goals is that they rely too much on human willpower — which we have a very finite amount of each day. Relying on it all the time takes away from that willpower until it’s depleted entirely.

Fortunately, there are other ways to set goals so that you can actually achieve them.

Bonus: Want to know how to make as much money as you want and live life on your terms? Download my FREE Ultimate Guide to Making Money

Examples of turning bad goals to good goals

EXAMPLE #1: HEALTH

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I want to get fit.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to lose 10lbs.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to eat 3 healthy meals per week and go to the gym 2x/week for 15 minutes.”

Notice how we’re focusing on the process at first, and starting off conservative: Anyone can eat just 3 healthy meals in a week. And anyone can go to the gym for 15 minutes. Set yourself up to win.

The next step is to make it easy: on your calendar, set 1 hour on Sundays to buy 3 healthy meals and leave them in your fridge, packed and ready to eat. Also set two 1-hour slots for the gym (leaving time for travel).

Here’s how this looks for other big goals:

EXAMPLE #2: FINANCES

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I need to get better with money.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to save $1,000 this year.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to have $40 per paycheck automatically transferred to my vacation savings fund for 1 year.”

EXAMPLE #3: SOCIAL SKILLS

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I want to have better social skills.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to work on my storytelling so I’m not so awkward at parties.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to take the improv class in my city every Monday night for 6 weeks.”

There’s a simple formula for transforming big goals into actionable steps…

Bonus: Want to finally start getting paid what you’re worth? I show you exactly how in my Ultimate Guide to Getting a Raise and Boosting Your Salary

What are SMART goals?

SMART goals are the cure for vague, aimless New Year’s resolution goals like:

“I want to go to the gym every day.”

“I want to get rich.”

“I want to travel more.”

On the surface, they all seem like good goals. However, they fall prey to the big three sins of goal-setting:

They unspecific. Sure, you “want to travel more,” but what does that really mean? When are you going to get it done? Where are you going to go? Vagueness is the enemy of good goal-setting.

They’re unrealistic. Oh, so you want to “get rich” this year? Are you willing to put in the hard work and sweat equity it’ll take to negotiate a raise, find a higher-paying job, or start a side hustle? Most likely not.

They’re based on willpower — not systems. Human willpower is limited. Sure, you might start out going to the gym every day, but as time goes on you’ll have to use the finite amount of willpower you have to keep it up. Eventually, you abandon the goal altogether.

Setting a SMART goal will help you avoid all of these pitfalls. Let’s breakdown how to do it.

SMART Objectives are:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Relevant

Time-oriented

So how do you convert a goal like “get fit” into a SMART objective?

I created this checklist to use every time you have a new goal.

Checklist for writing a SMART Objective

Specific: What is the precise outcome I’m looking for?

What will you achieve?

What does it look like? (What do you see in your mind when you picture yourself working towards your goal?)

What is the action step?

Measurable: How will I know I’ve accomplished the goal?

How will you know if you’ve reached your goal or not? There are different levels of “healthy” or “financially sound.” Avoid words that may have vague meanings like, “learn” or “feel” since you can’t measure them. Instead, use action verbs like “run,” “save,” or “write.” Then, turn those words into quantifiable benchmarks.

You need to be able to answer the question, “Did I get it done? If not, how much further do I have to go?”

How will you know when it is done?

What are some objective benchmarks you can hit along the way?

Would someone else be able to tell that it’s complete?

Is it quantifiable?

Attainable: How realistic is this goal?

My mentor BJ Fogg talks a lot about Tiny Habits — little things that start us on the path to success. The best way to achieve a goal is not to rely on motivation, but instead make it ridiculously easy for your future self to do the right thing. Instead of committing to running 5 days a week, start with one day and move up from there.

Are there available resources to achieve the objective?

Do you need a gym membership, a new bank account, new clothes?

Am I set up to do this even when I don’t have “motivation”?

Are there any time or money constraints that need to be considered? Am I being too ambitious to start out? (Remember you can always be more aggressive with your goal later on.)

Relevant: Is this a priority in my life right now?

Ask yourself, in the scheme of all the things you want to try, do you really care about this? When I went to my cousin’s wedding in India a few years ago, I saw one of my friends order his food in fluent Hindi, and I thought, “Hmmmm…I should take Hindi lessons.” But when I got back to NYC, I put it on my to-do list, only to skip over it for MONTHS. The truth is, I really didn’t care enough to try and learn Hindi. It wasn’t important enough. When I acknowledged I wasn’t going to do it and crossed it off my list, it freed me up to focus on doing the things that I really wanted to do.

Why am I doing this?

Is this a priority for me?

Will it compete with other goals in my life?

Time-oriented: When will I be finished with the goal?

Give yourself a deadline to reassess your goal. And put it on the calendar! I like to re-evaluate my goals every 3-months to make sure they are still Attainable and Relevant.

Is there a deadline?

Did I put it on the calendar?

Will I know in 3 months if I’m on the right track?

Bonus: Want to fire your boss and start your dream business? Download my FREE Ultimate Guide to Business.

SMART Goal Examples

Using this framework, you’ll be able to turn any vague lofty goal into an actionable SMART goal.

For instance:

Bad goal: “I want to be healthier.”

Why it’s bad: It’s vague and not measurable. How do you know when you’re healthier?

SMART goal: “I want to eat three low-fat, low-calorie meals per week and go to the gym at least once a week.”

Why it’s good: Now you have an actionable system with solid metrics to help you see if you’re on track. You’re not just getting healthier. You’re eating three healthy meals and going to the gym each week.

Now do the same for your goal. How can you make it specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-oriented?

Actually achieve your goals with habit loops

Once you’ve set a SMART goal, habits are the systematized solution to making sure you follow through and actually achieve your goal.

According to Charles Duhigg, habit expert and author of The Power of Habit, every habit you build has three parts to it:

Cue. This is the trigger for a behavior.

Routine. This is the behavior in action.

Reward. This is the benefit you receive from the behavior.

Altogether, this creates something called a “Habit Loop,” which allows your habits to stick.

And at the heart of any good Habit Loop is a good reward. In fact, it might just be the most important aspect of building good habits.

That’s because it has the biggest impact on whether or not we stick with the behavior.

Let’s take a look at an example: Working out.

A typical approach to this might look like this:

You go to the gym.

You work out on the machines for 30 minutes.

You go home.

Here’s what it would look like if you implemented the Habit Loop:

Cue. You head to the gym when you wake up.

Routine. You work out at the gym.

Reward. You get a delicious breakfast when you’re done.

See the difference? One will likely result in you giving up the habit after a few weeks (or even days), while the other greatly boosts your chances because you’re rewarded for your behavior.

It subverts having to rely on willpower, because you reward yourself for achieving your goals.

THAT’S the power of a good reward.

Of course, it can work negatively for you as well. For example, smoking cigarettes.

A habitual, pack-a-day smoker is someone who has ingrained a Habit Loop that causes them to smoke cigarettes. Here’s what that Loop looks like:

Cue. You wake up, or it’s lunch time, or work just got done, or you’re stressed — most anything can be a cue for smokers.

Routine. You smoke a cigarette.

Reward. You receive a euphoric buzz from nicotine.

Luckily, rewards can be used to counteract this. For example, whenever you get the urge to smoke a cigarette you go on a walk, or listen to music, or drink a soda. Whatever healthy reward can be used to replace your routine of smoking a cigarette.

Bonus Tip: Use a Commitment Device

A commitment device is a method of locking yourself into a habit or behavior that you might otherwise not want to do.

And there are essentially two types of commitment devices:

Positive devices. These are devices that give you a positive reward for performing different tasks. The idea is that when you associate that task with the commitment device, you create a positive feedback loop that makes it much easier to cement new habits.

For example:

Listening to your favorite podcast while you work out.

Watching a show on Netflix while you clean your living room.

Drinking your favorite soda while you’re washing your dishes.

Negative devices. These are devices where you take something away or risk having something taken away to encourage you to follow through with a behavior or habit. The idea is that you force yourself to focus on the task by taking away the thing that is preventing you from focusing, or you do something that makes you risk losing something to force you to complete your task.

For example:

Telling a friend that you’ll give them $100 if you don’t go to the gym every day for a month.

Unplugging your television so you won’t be tempted to watch it.

Throwing away all of your junk food in order to eat healthily.

While they’re called positive or negative devices, that doesn’t mean that one is better than the other! They’re just ways of describing how the commitment devices work. And whether or not you choose a positive or negative device depends entirely on your preference and what you want to achieve.

Commitment devices are incredibly effective too. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Harvard released an article a while back penned by three doctors in behavioral economics that extolled the virtues of commitment devices.

“[Commitment devices] have been shown to help people lose weight, improve their diets, exercise more, and quit smoking,” the article says. “One randomized experiment, for example, found that access to a commitment device increased the rate at which smokers succeeded in quitting after six months by 40%.”

One effective commitment device is to use a social media scheduling dashboard like Hootsuite or Buffer to schedule an embarrassing tweet or Facebook status to be posted at a certain hour. This commitment device is good for time- or location-based goals. As long as you get to the dashboard before it posts, you can prevent it from posting.

For example, say you want to get into the habit of waking up at 6am. You could schedule a tweet to be sent out with an embarrassing message or photo of yourself at exactly 6:05am. That way, if you’re not up by 6, that message will post.

Build habits for life

To accomplish any goal, you need to establish good habits.

To help you crush any goal you set out for yourself, we want to offer you something we’ve worked on to get you there:The Ultimate Guide to Habits: Peak Performance Made Easy

In it, you’ll learn the actionable steps to crush any goal through smart habits, including:

How to set goals — the RIGHT way

How to create and implement winning keystone habits

How to make any habit last forever

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How to set SMART Goals (and win BIG this year) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Money https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/smart-objectives/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

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🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 029 [Todoroki’s Story]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 2,397

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

〈“Have you ever had a dream? Would you fight for it? Would you go to war? Would you die for it? So now I’ll take my stand, now I’ll make you see.” I Prevail, “Bow Down”〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

“Only one minute left! Todoroki has cornered the ten million point team and is poised to seize the ultimate prize! At least that’s what I would have predicted five minutes ago! Unbelievably, team Midoriya’s been able to keep away from the ice master for the last half of the game!”

My scowl turned into a grin as I watched the silverette open his palm to look down at the headband. “Gotcha bitch.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “S-Shimatsu tacos?!”

Midnight had told us we had to wear the band around our forehead, but she never said the numbers had to be showing. Aoyama had put the numbered band on first, with the taco band on top, turned around so the logo was hidden.

“They duped us!”

“Get them!”

Flames shot up in front of us, acting as a barrier to keep them at bay. With that metal body of his, he can withstand my fire, but for how long? And that air attack, can it bypass my flames?

“Team Aoyama has used a bait and switch tactic to full their opponent, but can they keep their distance until the clock runs out?! Team Bakugo nabs two headbands and moves into third place! The final moments of the game have been full of shakeups! Oh, to be young again! Bakugo is a merciless force!! What a point hog! That was a shield breaker heard ’round the arena and I can’t wait to watch the replay!”

The transparent chain shot through the wall of fire, grazing my cheek as I jumped to the side. I tried to grab it, but nothing happened – I was just grasping at air. A metal arm shot forward through the flames, fingertips grazing Aoyama’s face. I cocked my fist back, the fire raging hire as my body temperature rose. “Piss off!” I slammed my fist against his, pushing against each other. The metal on his skin started to soften from the intense heat but he refused to back down.

“S-So hot.” Aoyama whimpered, his body shaking against mine. Shit, I momentarily forgot about him. I took a deep breath and my flames lowered, giving metal man a solid opportunity. He grabbed the front of my shirt, the other arm reaching for the bands around Aoyama’s neck. “Hang tight, mademoiselle!” He shifted his body, swinging his right leg over my shoulder, his boot slamming against the silverette’s hand clutching me.

“Oi, what are you -”

Aoyama shot off his laser and my body jerked backward violently, away from the stunned team.

“With just eleven seconds left, team Aoyama makes a harrowing escape from the competition, but can they stay on their feet until the clock runs out?! Oh no!! Team Midoriya didn’t get the ten million points after all! The game is almost over! Time for a count down!”

My feet slid across the ground. With the angle of Aoyama’s body and the sudden blast of his laser, my body is off balance and I don’t think I can recover! If Aoyama touches the ground, all our efforts will be for nothing! That means… I did all that exercise and thinking for nothing! Shit, shit, shit. My foot slid out from under me and Aoyama squeaked.

“TIME’S UP!!!”

My back slammed against the ground, him landing on top of me and knocking the wind from my lungs. He lifted a shaking hand, giving me a thumbs up. I groaned, throwing my arm over my eyes.

“And with that, the second round is officially over! Now, let’s take a look at who our top five teams are! In first place, team Todoroki! In second place, team Bakugo! In third place, team Aoyama!”

“We fucking did it,” I groaned, smacking him on the back.

“In fourth place, team Tetsu – wait what? It’s team Shinso! When did they come back from the dead?! And in fifth place, we have team Midoriya! These five valiant teams will advance to the final round! Now, let’s take an hour-long lunch break before we start the afternoon festivities! See you soon! Hey, Eraserhead, let’s grab some food.”

“I’m taking a nap.”

Aoyama rolled off of me and I sat up with a huff. My head fucking hurts. My back fucking hurts. What is my life right now? I pulled myself to my feet, glancing down at the blonde clutching his stomach and holding my hand out to him. “Looks like your plan worked, bro.”

His eyes met mine, accepting the hand. “It was a good thing you kept that band, the plan went perfectly.”

“I want my band back.” I muttered, turning around and approaching the silverette and his team.

His eyes narrowed at me when he noticed me. “What, did you come to gloat?!”

I pointed at the band being held by the ash-blonde boy with no lips. I’m calling him Skeletor. “I just want my taco band back, man.”

He continued to glare at me, folding his arms over his chest. “You could at least say please!”

“What can I say? I’m American, I’m a rude bitch.” I responded blankly. He started to yell loudly but I ignored him, turning toward Skeletor as he stepped forward, holding out the band.

��Here. That was a pretty slick move.”

I took it, tying it around my forehead again. “Wasn’t my idea, but thanks. You guys did well.” I sent one last look to the metal man, who was still ranting and raving, before walking away. I didn’t get far.

“Jen!” An arm was thrown around my neck, pulling me close to another body. Ryuu pouted at me, poking my cheek. “You ended up with my points, after all.”

I scratched my cheek. “Sorry about that. You did start it, though.”

He grinned. “I was hoping to catch you by surprise, but you’re really strong! Class A is really something else.”

I nodded, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “Todoroki and Bakugo are the total package – powers, instincts, and intelligence. Izuku’s greatest asset is his intelligence, drive, and quick thinking. He’s also pretty powerful, but he can’t control it yet, so.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “You don’t include yourself with them?”

“Not really. There’s nothing driving me to be the best, ya know? I don’t have some grand dream or goal I want to achieve, which makes me weaker than them. Plus, I don’t really feel like it’s fair to lump myself in with them since I’m older.”

“Older?”

“Yeah, I’m seven… teen… fuck.” My eye twitched. I’m turning into Izuku with my fat ass mouth, fuck’s sake!

“Oh, really? Did you get held back or something?”

“Uhh… something like that. You’re not gonna tell anyone, are you?” I asked, tugging at his wrist as a bead of sweat rolled down my cheek. I hadn’t even told Bakugo that yet.

Ryuu smiled brightly, tugging me closer with the arm still around my neck. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Can I ask you something else?”

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you use your quirk against me?”

My body tensed up. Well shit, I wasn’t expecting that question.

“I was observing you for the first half of the cavalry battle. Your quirk is mostly offensive, but it can also make a solid defense. When someone gets too close to you, your quirk is almost an instantaneous reaction, almost like a reflex.” His eyes bore into my own, making me shift uncomfortably. I hated being stared at. “But when I went after you, that reflex wasn’t there. Do you not consider me a threat?”

“What, no! It’s not like that, it’s just…” I scratched my cheek as I lowered my gaze to the ground. Why didn’t I use my power against him? I was prepared to as soon as I felt his presence, but as soon as I realized it was him, I lost all drive to attack him. “I don’t know… the thought of attacking you… I don’t like it. I’m not underestimating you, Ryuu, or looking down on you. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I just… you’re special to me.”

He smiled brightly, gently grabbing my shoulders. “I understand. To be completely honest, I know you’re stronger than me, so even if you were looking down on me, it’d be justified, but I was mostly just curious. No hard feelings, okay?”

I nodded, tugging him closer so I could wrap my arms around him. “Sorry you didn’t make it through.”

He hummed. “My hopes and dreams are on you now, Jen~”

“Hey, Rin, let’s grab some lunch!” Called a brown-haired boy from the end of the hall.

“I’ll be rooting for you in the next game!” He sent me a smile, giving me a squeeze before running down the hall after his friend.

…fuck, I forgot there’s another event! When will this end?

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

I turned the corner and paused. Bakugo’s back was flush against the wall. Is he… eavesdropping? I raised a brow, stepping closer. “Oi, Bak -”

His hand slapped over my mouth, eyes narrowed. “Be quiet.”

I nodded and he removed his hand, stepping closer to the edge of the wall. I leaned against it behind him, perking up my ears.

“I was overwhelmed.”

Todoroki? I leaned around the blonde, seeing him standing at the end of the hallway across from Izuku, who looked nervous as fuck. What, are they clashing again?

“And it made me break the promise I made to myself a long time ago. Iida and Kaminari, Yaoyorozu and Tokoyami, Uraraka. None of them felt it. In that moment, I was the only one that could sense your true power. It reminded me of something – experiencing All Might’s quirk.”

“O-Oh yeah? Okay… is that all?” Izuku tried to hide it but his voice shook with anxiety. I should teach him how to play poker so he can work on bluffing.

“I’m saying… the power coming from you felt the same as All Might’s.”

Bakugo tensed from in front of me.

“Midoriya, tell me… are you really All Might’s secret love child or something?”

I smacked my forehead against the wall, shoulders shaking with laughter. Bakugo smacked me in the stomach, glaring at me. How can I not laugh at that? He said it in such a serious voice! This fuckin’ kid…

“Well, are you?”

“No, no way! That’s not it at all! But I guess even if I was, I totally would say I wasn’t so you wouldn’t believe me no matter what, I bet!” He’s officially panicking. “Anyway, I promise, you’ve got the wrong idea. And… why would you even think that about me?”

“‘That’s not it at all’, is interesting wording. It suggests there is something between you two that you’re not supposed to talk about.” Todoroki paused. “My father is the hero, Endeavor. You must have heard of him, which means you’re aware that he’s the number two hero. So, if you’re connected to the number one hero, All Might, in some way, that would mean… that I have even more reason to beat you and Winchester.”

Bitch what, why me? Bakugo glanced at me with a raised brow and I shrugged, giving him a confused look.

“My old man is ambitious,” he continued. “He aims for the top. He used his power to make a name for himself as a hero, but he was never able to best All Might, so the symbol of peace is living proof of his failure. He’s still at it, though, trying to take down All Might. One way or another.”

“I’m not really sure what you’re getting at or why you’re involving Jen… what are you trying to tell me, Todoroki?”

I think I might have an idea, but I’m really hoping it’s just my cynical mind jumping to conclusions.

“Have you ever heard of… quirk marriages? They became a problem in the first few generations after superpowers became widespread. There were those that sought out potential mates solely with the intention of creating powerful children. Many people were forced into relationships. They were simply viewed as old fashioned arranged marriages, but clearly, it was unethical. My father not only has a rich history of accomplishments, but plenty of money to throw at his problems. He bought my mother’s relatives to get his hands on her quirk and now he’s raising me to surpass All Might.”

My eyes widened, heart skipping painfully in my chest. I knew this kid was edgy but fuck. I wrapped my arms around Bakugo’s neck, my forehead resting against my arm. To think this kid has been suffering this goddamn much… and because of a hero? Aren’t they supposed to fucking save people?

“It’s so annoying… I refuse to be a tool for that scumbag. In every memory of my mother, I only see her crying. I remember, she called my left side ‘unbearable’… before she poured boiling water on my face.”

What is this bullshit?

“Calm down,” Bakugo muttered, his hand resting over my arm. My skin had been heating up and I didn’t even realize it.

“Sorry.” I held him tighter as I took deep breaths to calm the boiling rage in my gut. I wanted nothing more than to take Todoroki into my arms and tell him everything would be okay.

“The reason I picked a fight with you was to show my old man what I was capable of doing… without having to rely on his damn fire quirk.”

Fire? That’s why he was always glaring at me when we first met… He said I reminded him of his father. It must have triggered the trauma he went through, no fucking wonder.

“You see… I’m going to show him that I reject his power… and I can take first place without using it.” He started to walk away. “You and Winchester are obviously connected to All Might, even if you won’t tell me about it, but no matter how fiercely you come at me in the future, I will defeat you using only my right side. I can assure you of that.”

“Hey, wait!” Izuku took off after him and the two were out of earshot.

Bakugo clicked his tongue, pulling himself from my grip and walking away, leaving me alone in the silent, dark hallway. I’ve decided that I’ll do my best to protect Todoroki from now on. I’ll protect him and Izuku. And that twat, Bakugo.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

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geminimoonbeamx · 5 years

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Oh, Baby: Chapter One

A/N: Okay so I’ve literally had this in my drafts for the last...six months or so? And I figured I’d tweak it and edit and post it since I’ve been so AWOL on this site lately, and so that I can give you guys some new content from me.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Heavy cursing. This chapter is pretty PG, talks of mental illness, unexpected pregnancy and contemplating abortion- but she doesnt go through with it. Smut to come. AND LOTS OF FLUFF TOO, I promise lol

Summary: After a drunken night, Y/N finds herself having to face the biggest decision of her life; is she ready for motherhood? And a better question, is Bucky Barnes, her long time friend and womanizer extraordinaire, ready for fatherhood? They’ll just have to go along for the ride and find out together. A Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader Story

Chapter 1/6: The Baby Woe’s and Oh No’s

You knew it.

You’d known something was off, different, changed.

You sit on your toilet, your world spinning as you attempt to wrap your mind around what was going on. Everything seems sludge like, too slow and too fast and not real.

You’re definitely going into shock, you point out to yourself. The catatonic kind. You’ve been staring at the bright, sunny lemon print of the shower curtain, your eyes focused but not seeing. Your elbows rest on your knees and your hands cover the entirety of your lower face.

At least you’re not crying anymore.

Nope, your body had moved past that-Maybe, it felt like the tears could start rolling again at anytime.

Oh god, what are you going to do?

Why, why, why?

Why you? You’d been a good person- well a decent person at least… You recycled and tipped more than twenty percent. Didnt vote for Trump and ate your vegetables.

And your life was just seeming to even out. You’d somehow landed your dream job a couple months back- every Wednesday night your voice could be heard on WNEX. You we’re making enough money to finally be comfortable- doing what you loved. Gaining a wide audience and wiggling your way into the industry. Your mind was so career oriented, so focused on your end goal that you’d never even considered something like this.

Throwing a big fat wrench in the gears.

One night, it had only been one stupid, drunken night. Hadn't you racked up enough karma coins to cover your ass for one fucking night?

Are you there god? It’s me, Y/N, and I really fucked up this time.

Wanda comes back into the tiled room a few minutes, her dark features soft and a colorful mug in her hand.

“Are you okay?” She gauges, gently, as she reaches out to you.

You snort and shrug, but accept the steaming cup from her anyway. You look down at the swirling, murky drink.

Wishing for just one moment that you could drown yourself in it.

“Look, babe, I know you’re dealing with some major shock right now- but maybe you should go lay down. We’ll figure it out later-” Wanda’s voice is even and you appreciate her being so calm and sure during all of this but you just can't process the situation enough to accept it.

You can't go lay down.

“Why not?” Wanda questions and you didn't realize you’d said that out loud, you hadn't even felt your mouth form the words.

Your head really is swimming. Disconnected from your body a little bit. You force yourself to take a drink of the tea as she gives you a more pointed look.

“Because I have to- I don't know. I have to figure all this out” You protest. You can't hear your voice, how spiked with anxiousness it is.

“There’s not much to figure out” Wanda supplies, unhelpfully as she leans against the counter, arms folded over her chest and you give her a look that’s half between a glare and a gape.

“Um, what the fuck do you mean? There’s so much to figure out, I don't even know where to start” You give a short, sharp, slightly hysterical laugh gripping the mug hard enough to hurt with one hand while cupping your forehead with the other.

“Okay, first things first. And this is the big one: do you want this?”

Well, that whole ‘I'm done crying’ thought you’d had before was a lie. You feel the tears well up once more and overflow, spill down your already swollen cheeks. Your face is hot. Your tummy is full of rocks.

You’d always hated crying. It never made you feel released or freed or lighter like it did for other people. It made you feel icky and stupid. And afterwards it always felt like you’d gotten punched in the nose.

Yes, you did have a therapist to work out those issues with, thanks.

Your mind doesn't know what to do with that question.

You look at Wanda, searching her face as though she might have the answers but she just shook her head and reached out her hand to rub your shoulder. That’s all she could offer. Her support in whatever path you we’re about to embark on.

And then you look down, at the countertop. That was usually littered with stray tubes of mascara or straightening irons. Bobby pins and half lit candles. All the things that resided in the bathrooms of girls in their mid twenties.

In place of those was now four pregnancy tests. All of which read positive.

The first two had been those double lined ones. Two bold lines- both times. Then you’d ran down to the bodega at the end of the block and gotten two more. And those we’re more straight to the point. They literally read the word pregnant- in a font that you don't think you’d ever forget.

Did you want this? Did you want a baby?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“I dont know- I’m not ready. The timing is all wrong” You croak.

“Okay” Wanda coo’s “well there's alternatives then-” you squeeze your eyes closed at that thought “Either way we should make a doctors appointment to make sure you’re actually pregnant. I’ve read so many stories about how unreliable these things are”

She holds up one of the tests and rambles on about all of the online articles she’d come across. How some woman had taken a dozen of ‘em, gotten all positive results and then went in and had an empty uterus.

“For one, ew. I peed on that” You nod your head at the test in her hand and she rolls her eyes.

“Other side of it- and I held your hair when you got food poisoning from that shrimp shack. I’ve come into contact with worse body fluids of yours”

“For two- I’m pregnant. I know it. I’ve known it for weeks. I knew something was wrong and I just tried to...think it away, you know? Out of sight, out of mind? I sound insane” saying the words out loud makes you realize how...ludicrous those thoughts had been. But still. It was the truth.

She just nods though “You don't”

There’s a moment of silence. Stretching, as you stew in your reality.

“I’d be doing it alone” you whisper into the mug as you sip on it “I really dont think he’d want a baby”

“You would never be alone, you know that. You have so many people in your life that would support you with this” Wanda protests, sad that you’d even say that.

“You know what I mean” You push on. Because having a good group of friends and family wouldn't change the fact that you were possibly looking at the possibility of being a single mother.

If you decided to keep it, that is.

“Yeah I do- and I don't know if I agree with that. Bucky's a lot of things, an arrogant asshole at that top of that list, but he’s a good guy and I think he’d want to be involved. He doesn't give off deadbeat dad vibes”

All of that was true. Bucky is a good guy, at the core of him.

He was kind and decent and the two of you had been friends for years upon years. He was charming, magnetic and women loved him- you’d found it amusing, before you we’re the one in his bed after a drunken night a month ago.

He’d left your messages mostly on seen since then. You’d only sent a few, but still that had stung. Him icing you out the moment he’d gotten into your pants pissed you off, not only because it was rude but because it was expected.

You knew how Bucky was with women, it had been such an idiot move to sleep with him.

It made it all the more complicated that you ran in the same social circles- had all the same friends. Sam’s small promotion dinner a couple weeks ago had been extremely awkward for you, to say the least.

He’d earned himself the cold shoulder from you and no matter how many times he’d try to broach a conversation with you, crack a joke in your direction, or single you out in a group conversation you pretended he didn't exist.

“Damn, re-jec-ted” It had been so obvious that Clint had of course pointed it out, which was uncomfortable but expected because Clint had no filter like that.

Bucky had stopped trying after that- and started flirting back with the waitress that had been throwing herself at him throughout the night. You cut out early, claiming tiredness. And upset stomach. Whatever to get you out of there.

To say it was a shitty night was a bit of an understatement and you hadn't spoken one word to him since.

“I haven't talked to him since that night- and now I’m what, supposed to call him up and tell him I’m carrying his child because he doesn't properly know how to operate a condom?

“I don't know, yeah? It doesn't mean you two need to get married, but if you choose to keep this baby, that’s going to be a conversation you’re going to have to have” Wanda is so annoying sometimes. She was such a sharp thinking human- always grounded and level headed. She claimed it was from always having to be the “good twin” growing up.

Of course she was rationalizing this whole thing while you we’re floundering about it like a fish.

“I think I should make a doctors appointment” You just mutter. You’d rather focus your attention there. It was easier, cleaner for you. A goal you could actually accomplish.

And so that’s what you did.

//////

They were able to get you in at the end of the week, which in overpopulated New York City was a godsend. And still, it felt like far too long. Like the reality of it couldn't sink in until you talked to a medical professional so you we’re left in some kind of fucked up long until then.

You tried to keep your anxious mind busy, throwing yourself into work. Talking to people over the static airways of the radio about their lives; about the world and all of its workings was so much easier than talking to anyone about what was going on with you.

The only person who knew was Wanda and you’d canceled all of your other plans during the week, not able to face anyone. Not yet.

Lots of sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling. Thinking until your brain physically hurt.

And then you’d turned to you journal- maybe if you wrote everything down it would make sense. If you could see it all, inked out, you could make a decision.

Did you want this child?

Wanda had suggested making a pro’s and con’s list and while it sounded crazy and unhelpful, and you rolled your eyes at it ‘As though that will help’, you ended up doing it anyways.

You start with Cons, naturally. Always had been too damn negative.

Cons:

-I have no fucking idea how to be a mom

-Bucky???

-My job. My career. Who’s going to watch the baby while I work?

-How in the fuck am I going to financially support a baby.

-No room in the apartment/My room is fucking tiny and where will we put a baby

(Wanda said we can turn half of the living room into a playroom/makeshift nursery. How fucked up though? Not even a real nursery)

-No car? A baby on the subway? No thank you.

-Weird to explain to people even if Bucky wants to co-parent. All our friends??

-PAIN

-Pregnancy looks so painful. Birth looks scary. My poor vagine.

-Life is basically over

-The baby will not have a grandmother from your side...

You could keep going on, but you decide to stop there. You could go on, make the list pages and pages long but you decide against it.

Pros:

-I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Always dreamed of babies and motherhood, baby fever crashes over me in waves.

-Me and Bucky’s baby is going to be cute AF(and that just pure facts)

-I have a great support system- amazing friends and family who I know will help

-Bucky could want to be involved. He probably will...maybe?

-He has a big family, i think. The baby would have lots of family

-I don't want to have an abortion. All about pro-choice, but I just...don't know if I can.

That had made you bite the end of your pen.

Adoption?

Could you give a child that you went through nine months of pregnancy up for adoption? Knowing yourself- probably not. You cant even get rid of the moth hole ridden clothes at the back of your closet. Not comparing a baby to a jean jacket- fuck, see how unequipped you were for this?

-I’d be a good mom(I think)

-I could swing it financially. Maybe get a second job

-At least I have a good insurance plan now

-My life might have more of a purpose?

You hide the lists away in one of your many journals. Stick it in the wicker basket under your night stand- and revisit it too many times in those days between.

You make a lot of other lists in that time, too.

//////

One of them sits tucked in your purse as you make your way to the eighth floor- Arms folded across your chest and the inside of your bottom lip speared between your teeth as the elevator takes you up.

Wanda stands beside you, of course. Sipping on her iced americano. You’d tried to tell her that she didn't need to come, that you were perfectly okay with going on your own. You’d gotten about two words out before she shut you down-

“I already took the afternoon off, don't be ridiculous”

You both know you wouldn't admit it, stubborn as you we’re, but you’d let out a big sigh of relief. You really didn't want to do this alone.

The waiting room is standard for this building, looks similar to the one that you sit in when you see your GP- save for a sign hanging about the door that labels it the OB-GYN.

Fake plants and those standard waiting room chairs that had that weird diagonal print on them TV’s that we’re playing the local news and tables stacked with months dated magazines. There was no windows though and it made the back of your neck feel hot.

The receptionists is nice. Middle aged with mild with droning, mellow voice. She checks you in fast and efficiently and tells you that you’ve got about a 15 minute wait on your hands.

Annoying, you think even though you give her a big grin and a sweet ‘thank you’. You’d been right on time. Why in all offices of all kinds is there always a fucking wait?

Wanda has plopped down on a chair in the corner and is fingering through an issue of LIFE, her long legs crossed at the knee. you sit next to her. The office air conditioner is blasting, it had been a muggy May in the city, but you feel overheated. You let the chunky cardigan you’d donned slip down one shoulder, exposing your skin to the chilly air.

You should feel the cold but you’re over heated. Nervous as hell. Why doesnt anyone else in this office seem nervous?

You tend to people watch when you get overly anxious like you are now. Tend to take in every little detail of every little thing around you.

There’s a black couple- the woman doesn't look pregnant but they’re holding hands tightly and they keep whispering to each other. He smiles and nudges her shoulder with his. Then there’s a Latina woman who looks just about ready to pop and is reading one of the kids book to a little boy with her eyes. A white lady, with twin carriers rocks them gently as she chats with a woman who looked to be related to her, maybe. Older and graying.

You feel like a creep but you can't stop looking at them all. Staring at each of the people who are at different stages of the same life-path you found yourself on.

Wanda clicks her tongue as her dark eyes focus on the magazine. Muttering, her accent thick, about how the lenses they used for the shoot on the page was all wrong.

Her photographers eye was snobby and elitist.

“Y/N?” The nurse calls you back, not butchering your name which is nice and look over at your best friend.

“Are you sure you don't want me to come back with you?” Wanda whispers, big gingerbread eyes searching yours and you shake your head quickly.

You had to do this, on your own. What if...what if you ended up having to do this whole thing alone? You had to be grown, had to face this solo. That’s just how you felt, even if it might not be true.

“It’s just another appointment- I can do it on my own. I’ll live” there's a reasoning lilt in your voice that she doesn't quite buy but she nods all the same. Tells you that she’ll be waiting right there for you as you muster up all your courage and train your face into a smile, following the nurse into the back offices, the door mechanically closing behind the two of you.

The OB’s office is...warmer then you’d thought it would be. Her desk has frames of all types and her walls are plastered with colorful posters, making the alabaster of the wallpaper less daunting. There was even a window in here.

You’re perched up on the exam table/ chair thingy, staring out at the tall buildings across the street, at the people moving fast below on the sidewalks. You wonder what all of them are doing? How many of the have kids?...

When there’s a soft knock at the door your attention snaps back to the present.

Doctor Helen Cho is a petite Asian woman. She has glossy dark hair that's tied up in a clip high on the back of her head, and her voice is friendly and her expression open as introduces herself to you and reaches out to shake your hand.

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you, too” You sound so much surer and more confident then you feel. It had always been your party trick- meeting new people and being able to talk to them. Leaving trails of barley there acquaintances in your wake.

“So it says here that you think you’re pregnant, yes?” She gets right to it, and your appreciative for it.

“Yeah, I know I am. I took four tests and they all came out positive and I...I feel really off” you try to explain it, poorly but she seems to understand.

“When you say off, do you mean like bad feeling off or?” She probes as she sits at her desk, swivels her chair to face you. Her chocolate almond eyes weren't piercing or clinical, just waiting.

“Not really bad? But I’ve just been so tired lately and I’ve had like, zero appetite. And my breasts have been so sensitive that it hurts to put on a bra” as you tell here these things you could slap your head for not assuming you were pregnant before you’d taken the tests.

Dr. Cho hums and nods as she looks over her tablet “Well from the look of these results from those blood and urine tests your nurse went ahead and gave you when you came in, I can tell you that you are definitely about nine weeks pregnant- so those symptoms are right on with where you are”

You inhale and exhale, bigly. It’s real. It’s been real, was a notion, a happening but now...it’s so freaking real.

And there's a real life changing decision to be made-

That you’d already made before you’d even walked into this office but now seemed even clearer. Crystal, in that moment of clarity.

“I want to keep it” Your confident as you say it. Your voice cracks with some kind of emotion you couldn't even begin to explain, but you’re confident. You’re sure.

Dr. Cho grins at you, and stands, congratulating you then, after she’s sure you even want a congratulations. You like her, think you might.

It’s hard to focus on her voice though because all your mind can think of is the next big obstacle, the next big step in all of this.

How were you going to tell Bucky?

Okay guys? I posted? Crazy right? lol give me some feedback! Comment and tell me what you thought of this. I absolutely love interacting with you guys, but I’m sure ya’ll know that.

Also- the taglist for this story is still OPEN, so if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters just ask!

@peacefulwriter88 @jaamesbbarnes @jalapenobarnes @brieannakeogh @gifsbysimplysonia @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @plumfondler @tatathekissypotato @siren-kitten-his @skishenanigans @geekyweed @spidey-babe-parker @lastfallenstar @rachelle-on-the-run @prettybubblesintheair @dani-si

#Bucky Barnes #thick bucky #bucky barnes x plus size reader #bucky barnes x reader #pregnant!reader #pregnant reader #Modern AU #marvel #wanda maximoff #plus size reader #Steve Rogers #clint barton #avengers au #fluff #and angst #fluffy angst #unexpected pregnancy #Carol Danvers #MCU

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rheyninwrites · 4 years

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Old Friends Part 18

The kiss ended far faster than I think either of us hoped, but there were things that still needed to be said and done. First of all, I explained to him exactly why I had been so upset, and how I was worried about us becoming victims of the way we were raised. He agreed, but let me know that he felt a large part of his reactions had come from a place of jealousy, and fear that I would find someone before he could bring himself to face his feelings. It was early evening by the time we’d heard each other out and agreed to work on it. We also promised we’d check in with each other periodically, knowing it wasn’t something that could be fixed overnight.

The next item on the list was to get something to eat, though we both knew that it wasn’t going to be much. It would take a while for us to get back to eating normally, so we stuck to a small snack instead of trying to find a meal. Then it was time for a shower, which caused us to have a long conversation about where we felt we could be, intimacy-wise. It felt a bit like, since we had known each other for so long, finally admitting our feelings meant that we had to jump right into things like sharing a shower. Truth be told, though, neither of us wanted to take that step yet, so we agreed that, for the moment, we’d go back to the way things had been before I left.

I can’t speak for Arthur, but I know the shower I took that night was one of the best I’d ever had. Not only because it was my first in days, but because I felt like the weight of so much of the pain I’d been feeling was washing away with the dirt. Arthur and I were together again, getting along. Not only that, but the crush I had carried for so many years was out in the open, and I knew he felt the same way. Slipping on fresh clothes that night had never felt so heavenly.

When I walked into the bedroom, I found Arthur putting the finishing touches on the freshly changed bed. He was wearing only his boxers tonight, as I had opted for just a tank top and my underwear. On that, we were on the same page, at least.

When he saw me, he stopped, giving me a big smile and walking over to pull me into his arms. I returned the hug, once again grateful that we both knew exactly where we stood. As I leaned back in his arms, I noticed exactly how thin he’d become. The thickness in his chest, arms, all of it was gone, and his ribs were visible. I began to run my hands over all of the places I could tell had thinned most visibly, kissing them. He let me continue, just stroking my hair, and when I was done, he gave me another big smile.

“Ain’t you just so damn sweet?”

We climbed into bed, and this time, instead of reaching for my hand, he pulled me over to him completely, bringing my thigh over his hip and running his hand over it.

“Miss those thighs.”

“Oh don’t worry, they’ll be back soon enough.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Don’t you know ladies are supposed to be thin and delicate? I’m just a fat cow.”

“Well, I love cows then.”

“Be serious, Arthur!”

“I am! I don’t want a girl I feel like might break if I hold her too tight. I like roundness, softness. Curves. Like you.”

“Really?”

“You’re damn right!”

“Good.”

We held each other close, and for a long time, neither of us went to sleep. I think we were afraid that if we did, all of it might disappear on us. We were so used to losing the things we loved, how could we dare hope that we’d get to have this?

Morning found us still tangled in each other’s arms, and he pulled me even closer to him, smiling. His fingers traced my jawline, then down my neck to my collarbone before burying his face in my neck, moaning sleepily.

“Was afraid it was a dream.”

“No dream here, cowboy. Just me.”

“Even better.”

He began peppering my skin with kisses, dozens of soft, sweet kisses falling like raindrops, so nice I kept wanting to pinch myself to make sure it was real. Instead, I ran my fingers through his hair, cupping the back of his head. He nuzzled against my chest and just stayed there, letting me hold him. Pure bliss, for both of us. The, suddenly, my eyes got wide and I pushed him back in a panic.

“What day is it? Don’t you have work?”

“Mmm. Took the rest of the week off. Talked to Dutch last night, told him my issues of late had been resolved, but I might need a couple days to get it all good and settled, get my strength back a bit.”

“And he was okay with that?”

“Mmmhmm. Said ‘My boy, take all the time you need’.”

“Awful nice of him.”

“Well, you know Dutch. He’s always been a bit of a sucker for romance, and he just loves me. Knows I work harder than anybody else. Figured I could take advantage of it just this one time.”

“Lucky me.”

He laughed and I threw my arms around him, kissing him hard. His hand slid over my side, down to my hip, then slowly underneath my shirt. Unfortunately, before he could reach his goal, we were interrupted by both of our stomachs growling. I laughed and he pulled his hand out and put his forehead against mine.

“Guess we’d better get breakfast, huh?”

We fell right back into the routine we’d established before I left. Everything was so easy with him, so comfortable. It was hard to believe that I’d spent so much time in relationships where I was spending all my time worried, walking on eggshells, and second guessing myself. With him, it was like breathing. He could walk away halfway through a task, and I could pick it up seamlessly. If I needed something, most of the time he was offering it to me before I could even ask for it. It was so strange to me, being with someone who actually paid attention to me.

We spent the first few days just cuddling, and talking some more about what we felt we needed from the other. Both of us, we knew, needed a lot of affection and reassurance. It was going to be difficult for us to let go of those inner voices that kept us apart for so long, but we knew that it could be done, as long as we were careful to state what we needed and listen to each other

#rdr2 #arthur morgan #modern arthur morgan #arthur morgan fic #arthur morgan fanfic #modern rdr2 #rdr2 fandom #red dead fandom #red dead redemption two #red dead redemption

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self-improving-mav · 4 years

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Improvements I'm going to make to my body:

Lose excess fat. A little fat on my hips, butt, and thighs can stay, and I know my tiddies aren't going anywhere, but I want at least 30 pounds of it gone.

That said, I also want to build a significant amount of muscle, so I'll likely not weigh less than 140 lbs when I reach my goal.

If I could have a body like this one IG user I follow called tobesuperwoman, that would be amazing. She's so muscular and has such thick and strong looking thighs and a small waist, she looks like a dream.

A thigh gap is unlikely considering my goal is muscles, but firming up my inner thighs would still be great.

I want to be able to stand up for longer than 5 minutes without my back hurting like a bitch.

I want to be able to carry more stuff when returning from grocery trips. My husband prefers to carry particularly heavy things like jugs of cat litter, bags of dog food, and grocery bags full of canned goods, but I'd like to be able to carry more than the bags containing eggs and bread without pain.

I want to be able to do literally anything without dislocating ribs. I have severe scoliosis and this shit happens ALL THE TIME but my chiropractor says if I build a good amount of muscle in my upper back it won't happen as much if at all.

I want my breasts to not sag so much. They literally reach my stomach and I hate it. I'm going to be doing intensive chest workouts to try and improve this.

I want to get rid of my hip dips. They're annoying. If I wear low rise pants, no matter how loose they are, they look like they're squeezing my love handles.

I want a rounder, firmer butt and firmer thighs.

I also want my thighs and calves to be more proportional. As of now, my calves are skinny but my thighs are thicc.

I want my 6 pack and tiny waist back. I can live with my waist being 28 inches instead of the 26 it used to be, as long as I have my 6 pack and my hip dips are gone.

I want my arms to be toned up. They don't have to be skinny; some nice biceps might be cool. I just want them more proportional and less jiggly.

I want my jawline and cheekbones sharper and my collarbones visible.

I want to be able to wear my wedding ring again.

I want to get rid of my tan lines and make my skin even and milky pale again. I plan to use homemade exfoliating scrubs with lemon and tomato juice for this.

I want to figure out a way to remove my body hair without making my skin horribly dry and unbearably itchy no matter how much or what kind of lotion I use. More power to the folks that like their body hair, but I don't like mine. It disrupts the smooth texture of my skin and it's dark and coarse and I want it gone. I can't use Nair until all the scabs from scratching heal, and when I shave I have to take several steps to make my skin slightly less itchy when I'm done. I want to try waxing but I need to decide on what kind of wax to get.

I want to whiten my teeth. This should not be hard; I just have to remember to brush my teeth every day. But I forget so often. Might need to set an alarm for this too.

I want to keep my skin clear and soft. I've made an excellent face scrub that I'll post a recipe for. I just have to use it regularly.

I want to keep my lips soft and rosy. I have a homemade lip scrub, I just need to remember to use it. I also need to remember to use lip balm all the time.

I want my hair to be soft and floofy. It usually is when it's freshly washed and dried, but it frizzes easily.

I'm thinking about getting a layered haircut. I haven't had one in over a decade, but it might help make my hair look more floofy. The age of straight and sleek is out. The age of waves and floof is in.

I will NOT focus on how much I dislike the things about my appearance I don't like. Instead, I will focus on improving and working toward my goals until I have the look of my dreams.

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justfinishedreading · 4 years

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Remainder by Tom McCarthy

I read this book about two or three months ago, it’s the sort of book I can say is really good, in a literary sense, but ask me if I enjoyed it and my answer is definitely no. The blurb describes it as “a darkly comic meditation on memory, identity and history”. I take a less romantic view and say it’s a disturbing -and occasionally comic story- about white male privilege, the abuse of wealth and power, the danger of diminishment of responsibility, and the importance of post-trauma therapy.

Before the story commences, the protagonist has already suffered an accident; an object dropped from a flying plane and nearly killed him. Part of his brain was damaged, and he could no longer walk or move. He had to re-learn every basic physical movement from scratch, starting with the simple act of picking up a small object. The part of his brain dedicated to movement was gone and to learn moment anew meant psychologically rewiring his thought-process. He learnt about the mechanics of his muscles, his bones, every change that occurs to make possible that simple act of picking something up. Over and over again these mechanics had to be thought out before action could be taken. As a consequence, when we meet our protagonist all his actions are slow, every detail must be thought through. Repetition and routine are key.

The unnamed airline company has offered him eight and a half million pounds to settle the case out of court, under the condition that he never talks about this publicly or privately. He accepts. And this is where the story begins.

One day, our unnamed protagonist, remembers a particular memory. His memories were gone when he woke up hospitalized, but they’ve been coming back slowly and in random bits. He sees a crack in a bathroom wall and is instantly reminded of a similar crack in an unknown apartment. He remembers looking out of the window and seeing black cats walking on the roof of the building opposite, he remembers leaving the apartment and walking down the internal staircase, he remembers the smell of someone cooking liver and someone playing piano, and he remembers feeling happy, feeling himself, feeling real and at one with everything around him.

He is struck by this memory of feeling natural, because since his accident all his movements, all his actions, seem rehearsed, studied, or as he puts it “second-hand”. Instead of trying to find out where this apartment is, why he was there, and what was going on at that time that brought him a form of peace, he decides instead to recreate the memory; the building and the people, to “re-enact” the scene from his memory, over and over again. Ironically experiencing the feeling of that memory second-hand…

From the point of view of the audience it is quite tedious to read about the unfolding of this plan, to us it seems obvious that this is doomed to fail, that manufacturing a feeling is counter-productive to feeling authentic. For me, I just wanted the book to end, I have never wanted more for a book to just… please, please… END.

The protagonist spends a lot of money, time and effort in finding a correct-looking building, paying off everyone that lives there to move out, hiring contractors to strip down the interior, recreate the look and feel of his memory building (which includes, amongst many other things, the wearing and sanding down of materials to look aged), and hiring people to be live-in actors, 24/7 on call, repeating the same actions over and over again: frying liver, playing the piano, taking out the rubbish etc.

Now we might say yes these actions, this way of spending money seems utterly pointless, but if he feels comforted by these actions and he has the money and it is his to do with as he pleases, what is wrong with that? What does it matter if we don’t approve? These actions are deeply important to him.

Now this is where white male privilege comes in, and also the power that comes with wealth. Speaking as a woman from a working-class background, of emigrant parents, I could never make someone go through what he puts his employees through. Here’s an example; in his memory, there’s the smell of someone pan-frying liver. To recreate this smell, he and his team found that they have to put about fours pans on the go for the smell to drift from downstairs up to his new apartment. His employees would fry liver all day, every day, for months on end, even when he wasn’t in the building, he still wants that to take place. The constant frying of liver meant that the air vents were frequently clogging up with huge amounts of fat. Imagine living there? The smell of liver every single day, all day, how nauseating it must be for those people. We may say that money can make monsters out of anyone, but the sense of entitlement the protagonist feels, in so short a space of time, is astounding, and I argue that he had some existing feelings of entitlement to bounce off of.

Another example; he hired a middle-aged pianist to re-enact the pianist from his memory, the pianist would practice a music score on the piano, occasionally making mistakes (intentionally “accidently” making mistakes). He would repeat the problem passage, then continue practicing, again make mistakes, repeat problem passage, over and over again, every day, the same score of music, but with no intention of it ever being played in public, with no end goal except to fake practicing. Imagine what that would do to a person psychologically.

We are never told what these people feel, because the protagonist, who is also the narrator, simply does not care. Whenever someone questions his motives, the protagonist replies with just one word: “whatever”. He never takes the time to explain his thought-process, he has no need for social approval or connection. In this respect the novel is remarkable, characters with these traits are usually portrayed as psychopaths in thrillers and horror stories, so it’s interesting to see that character outside the cliché box. And make no mistakes about it he is a psychopath; the team recreate the memory of black cats walking on roofs by acquiring black cats and everyday pushing them out onto the roof. Unfortunately, the roof is unnatural and artificially made, there’s nowhere for the cats to go or escape, they end up slipping and falling off and dying on impact with the ground. The protagonist is aware of this and is unmoved.

Surprisingly the protagonist does start to experience some pleasure from these re-enactments, in fact he becomes addicted to them. But the ‘high’ he gets from the control and repetition lessens as time goes on, soon he seeks out new and more problematic scenarios to re-enact, more potentially dangerous ways to feel elated. I won’t spoil the rest of the book or discuss the ending except to mention that a lot of people who read Remainder get dazzled by the ending and the various interpretations of the “truth” of what happens. We know for a fact that the narrator is highly unreliable because he withholds information, changes details and, in one occasion at least, told a story that at the end he admits was completely made up. Some readers get excited about possibilities like is he perhaps still in a coma and is this all a weird dream? Is he actually dead and this is purgatory or hell? Sort of a Third Policeman type thing. Me, I take it at face value; I think the main structure of the story is true, certain details certainly were changed, and things exaggerated, the man is a liar for sure, and the end does not tell us the full ending of what happened, but the rest we can guess ourselves.

The final thing I want to talk about is relationships, the importance of social relationships and human connection. At the start of the story the protagonist has two friends; a man about the same age as him (late twenties / early thirties) and who is a bit of a douchebag (the protagonist tells us that before the accident he used to find his friend’s humour funny, I take that as proof that the protagonist was already a wanker before the accident). There’s also a long-distance female friend, who is visiting. Now these two are taken out of the picture quite quickly, the woman continues her travels, and the protagonist stops answering his mate’s calls. No family is ever mentioned, which is really weird considering he’s been recovering from serious injuries -unless the protagonist is an orphan, but even then surely he has more people in his life? We never find out. What this means is there is no one to hold him accountable for his actions, there is no one to call him out on his bullshit, everyone he is now in contact with is an employee.

The second most significant character, after the protagonist, is Nazrul Vyas. When the protagonist first sets out to make his replica building he has a very hard time getting people to understand what he wants. The organizational aspect of this project doesn’t faze him but it’s the endless questions posed by contractors that he finds irritating to deal with. His lawyer suggests a company that specializes in management for rich clients, they facilitate any requests a client may make. Think personal assistant but with a huge network of contacts, resources and personnel. That’s where “Naz” comes in, he’s intelligent and patient and quietly relishes a challenge, the bigger and more complex, the better. The protagonist often describes him as machine-like, alluring to him having a computer for a brain. Naz is our main hope of someone being able to reach the protagonist… but a character described a robot, with the sole aspiration of materializing a client’s dreams, does not inspire much optimism… Commentary on the evils of blindly following orders, ay?

So in conclusion, yes Remainder is an interesting book; it’s literally studied in modern literature courses… Pick it up if you want something more original and challenging than your average mass-market best-seller. But for me, I’m just happy it’s finally over.

Review by Book Hamster

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thejackal64 · 5 years

Text

Pillars of Magic: Paradox | Chapter 2: Anomaly

It was a beautiful day in Mewni. As long as the flow of magic continued uninterrupted, every morning would remain the same. It might seem boring, but the people living there expected such perks. It wasn’t only about having money or possessions. It was also about life itself being marinated in luxury.

“Ugh!”

But while citizens of Mewni enjoyed being pampered by it, certain individuals who were just going through were appalled.

“There really wasn’t any other way to reach it?” The man asking the question was rather short, with a full beard covering his face. He had a peculiar expression, telling everyone around him that he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and anything could set him off...

“It’s pretty in here.”

...or anyone.

“Can we buy some candies?”

Despite the rather odd request, the new question was asked by a massive man, always cheerful and smiling. His name was Kobi.

“Oh yeah, sure. And then I’ll shove them down your throat so I don't have to listen to your stupid questions!”

“Can it, you two.”

With a strong and authoritative voice, and without the need to raise it, the third man, Lucan, was keen to keep their presence under the radar.

“We are in public and even though these people generally mind their own business, we do not need to risk attracting their attention.”

"Then why in the hell did you bring this bastard along?"

“Because no one else can work with him. Furthemore, this mission might require brute force.”

Kasper didn’t like Lucan’s answer. “We could've taken a couple of explosives instead of this blubbering oaf."

“Do I really need to remind you that we are on a covert mission? We are to retrieve the object and return to the base without causing a commotion.”

“According to your doo-hickey, that thing is deep within the old tunnels of this place. How the hell would they know about us being down there?”

“It’s an unnecessary risk that needs to be avoided to the best of our ability. We do not know how far the secret police’s reach goes and we might end up finding ourselves in a dire situation. And down there no one would come to our rescue.”

“I hate when you’re right.”

“I expected nothing else.”

Lucan was going over the data in his head again and again, trying to make sure he would be ready to predict any and all possible problems along the way. But, as history had taught him, no amount of pre-planning could circumvent the consequences of working with his two colleagues: one a violent hothead and the other a behemoth with a child-like attitude. All he could do was to prepare his best with the limited knowledge he had at his disposal.

Anywhere else, their blue jumpsuits would raise at least a few eyebrows. Not here. The queen and authorities made sure that Mewmans were involved so deeply in their cushy lives that they were all but blinded by their hearts desires. Three dudes dressed like plumbers were absolutely none of their concern.

The three followed the steady flow of students into Paragon Academy. Thankfully, the main entrance wasn’t their goal, so a few meters before reaching it they turned right and crept along the side alley toward the back. Even just this little piece of Mewni that they saw before them was sparkling clean; it was truly a sight to behold, and the side alleys weren’t any different. To someone living in dirt, this scenery was utterly bizarre. Pieces of banners were floating above their heads as they reached their destination. They were mesmerizing to look at, something Kobi enjoyed to the fullest.

His sight-seeing was cut short as a mere minutes later they appeared in the school's backyard. The back door entrance they were looking for was a solid block of steel without any handles or windows, and it wasn’t exactly clean. Lucan hit it in a specific pattern: thug-thug-scratch-thug-scratch-pause-thug. For a while nothing was happening, but soon enough they heard the screeching sound of doors trying to be opened from the inside.

“Looks like our intelligence department was right,” noted Lucan silently.

“I’ll congratulate them for not fucking up their job like last time when we go back,” replied Kasper.

Lucan nodded in agreement.

Every place in the world had a certain reputation. When people visited them, they expected their lives to be enriched with unique, local experiences. Very few visitors were coming to Mewni, but they were expecting riches and comfort beyond their wildest dreams, not a fat greasy face looking at them with glass eyes.

“Yeaaahhh? *blurp*”

Of course, for someone living in the swamps, such sights were living standards for them.

Lucan brought up a piece of paper. “As requested by the school board, we are here to clean up the toilets.”

The man standing in front of them gave them an empty look. “Yeah? You have - ugh - any papers?”

Lucan was caught surprised. “There wasn’t a mention about papers.”

“Yeah, see, that is a problem, because-” He obviously had a hard time not only standing on his feet, but also collecting his thoughts. “I… uh, still need to see papers.”

“They didn’t say anything about papers. We were told this was already settled.”

“That’s your problem, bud.”

Diplomacy was always Lucan’s first choice when dealing with people, but if that failed, Kasper used his own methods. He pushed Lucan aside and raised his head to make sure the dude standing over him would understand him very clearly. “Listen here, you fat fuck! The higher ups decided we had to come here to clean up your shit. We are more than happy to start with the biggest shit standing right in front of my face. Or you can move your dick aside and let us in to do our job!”

The man was shocked by his reaction. “Whoa there, now listen up, you can’t talk to me like that!” His voice would certainly have sounded more threatening, if it wasn’t for the high level of alcohol in his blood.

“Oh no? Then let me introduce you to my friend over here.” He stepped aside so that the guard could see Kobi standing behind him. “His name is ‘I’m gonna break your limbs’.”

“Hello!” Kobi waved his hand.

“I don’t-” Some understanding was seeping into his alcohol marinated brain, but it wasn’t enough.

“Kobi, why don’t you shake his hand?”

“I’ll be happy to!”

“Show him how friendly we are.”

“Oki doke!”

Kobi’s face was constantly smiling at him, but there was something behind that smile that alarmed the guy, like a much needed wake up call, if only for a few seconds.

“Alright, alright! I- I’ll let you in! Just- Go… *blurp* do your job.”

“A wise decision.”

Lucan never liked Kasper’s aggressive attitude, but he couldn’t dismiss its efficacy in situations like this. He smiled at the guard, trying to ease the tension a bit. “Thank you for your cooperation, sir.”

“Just… Get out of my sight.”

With subtle disappointment in his eyes, he took his comrades into the bowels of the school’s ground floor.

The interior wasn’t that much different from what they were used to down in the suburbs, but there were some notable differences. The biggest one was in the generator room they were passing through. Since everything ran on magic, many magical creatures were used as conduits for the magical flow. In here they utilized fire-flies: flies that actually generated fire and heat. But since they only did that when provoked, Mewmen engineers pioneered a solution to force them to keep releasing the energy they need. The process involved what were known as Adium Crystals. These crystals were tiny, sharp and spiky shards that could easily be found laying around near the outskirts of the city. It seemed to exist as a byproduct of several magical wars. Any magical properties were harmless to Mewmens, being only a small walking hazard if stepped on, but forcing Fireflies to go nuts. So they threw a few of them into a generator together with a swarm and let them explode with anxiety until they died.

It wasn’t a pleasant view for any of them, but their goal wasn’t to enforce their opinions about the environment. They needed, and quickly, to find entry to what they expected to be an ancient tunnel running somewhere under the school. With this in their minds they calmly left the ground floor and, using steep stairs, they approached the floor above.

The school was full of students getting ready for the day, but they didn’t think it would be so… sterile. Regular schools were unremarkable in design to keep distractions to a minimum, but the ones in Mewni took that a step further. There were steady pure white lights illuminating dark purple walls, floor and roof, reaching to every corner. The doors were a plain dark wood with no windows. There were no pictures, no flyers, nothing that would catch the eye and get in the way.

“Fucking hell,” noted Kasper silently.

“I have to agree,” responded Lucan. “I can’t even find the proper words to describe it.”

“Did someone die here?” asked Kobi. His question caught them both by surprise.

“They may as well have. The sooner we find that entry point the better. I shudder to think how those poor kids must feel after spending several hours in here almost every day.”

Kasper was visibly repulsed by this remark. “These kids - as you call them - wouldn’t hesitate to smash our skulls into the nearest wall if they learned we’re from the Resistance.”

Lucan pondered the thought for a few seconds. “Indoctrination.”

“Yeah. Let’s go now.”

But before they could move on, one of the students dropped her notebook at Kobi’s feet.

“Excuse me,” said the girl.

And in that very moment Kobi felt a sensation like never before. The same was true for Kasper as well, although for a different reason.

He slowly turned to Lucan, trying not to raise any suspicion. "Of all the people, we stumbled upon a Woolett. A fucking Woolett!" he muttered toward his partner.

"Keep your cool and we'll be fine."

She bent down slightly to pick up her notebook which she’d dropped. Kobi was quick to snap it up before she could. It was ridiculous how fast he moved to make sure his huge hand reached it before her more slender one.

“Uhm, you dropped?” he questioned, despite the obvious answer.

“Yes, thank you.”

Kasper's desire to end this encounter as soon as possible was palpable. Unfortunately for him, so was Kobi's desire to prolong it. He was demonstrating this by refusing to return her notebook.

“Sorry,” he said, his cheeks flushing red. “Your book?”

“Yes, may I have it now, please?”

“The book… uhm, yes, it’s yours!” He stumbled on his own tongue.

“Yo, Kell, this dude don’t seem right,” said the voice coming out of her hair.

"Shit! There is another Woolett in her hair! Is she breeding them?!" Kasper barked beneath his breath.

"Lower your voice! She will hear you."

Her polite smile became increasingly more nervous, as she tried to pull the book harder from his grasp.

He finally loosened his grip and allowed the book to be taken back.

“I’m sorry,” he said, wiping his brow and trying to find some kind of words to fill the moment that was making his heart race. “Kobi.” He extended his hand her way.

The girl chuckled loosely and took his hand to shake.

“Kelly. And hey, thanks for picking it up. Sorry I bumped into you.”

“No trouble,” he smiled. “I like Kelly. I-I mean!” he bungled over his words again while trying rapidly to recover, scratching his head. “I like to meet you. T-that is-I mean, good to see your p-pretty face. Uh-I-uh!”

Kasper was growing angry, but he couldn’t risk making a scene. “Lucan,” he whispered, “do something before he blows our cover!”

“Right.” Lucan stepped in. “We don’t mean to be any trouble, he means to say, miss. Sorry we got in your way.”

Kelly shrugged her shoulders and slipped the notebook over her shoulder and into her backpack. “Not a problem,” she said as she finally saw her exit and headed away towards the cafeteria.

With the students on their way, Lucan tapped his elbow. “Let’s go, Kobi. We don’t have time to linger.”

They went in another direction. The expression on Kobi’s face was as if someone had stolen away his happiness. But Kasper wasn’t so tactful.

“The hell you doing?!” he cussed in the loudest whisper he could muster.

Trying not to risk a racket, they quickly went on, turning behind the corner to hide from the eyes of the students. The hall looked pretty much the same as the previous one, but it was less cramped.

“She was so pretty,” noted Kobi with sadness in his voice.

“Ain’t nothing pretty about the things I’ll do to you if you pull shit like that again!”

“Guys stop! Listen!” They all could hear a faint beeping coming from Lucan’s backpack. “It’s here.”

“What?” asked Kasper. “The artifact?”

“No! That would be ridiculous. It’s the entrance.”

“Your thingy is showing the way?”

“Of course not. Nothing can do that. My tool is… Er - the magic. With such a low intensity in Mewni, it tends to behave like a river and my tool simply points the way to the strongest nearby current.”

“Uhm. So where is it?”

“Let me check.” Lucan looked around to make sure that no one would spot him. The hallway was even more empty than before. “Huh. Interesting. I wonder where they-”

“Dude!”

“Righ, right.” He placed his backpack down on the ground and reached into it. After rustling through it for a few seconds he brought out a somewhat bulky piece of equipment. “So I was right. According to this, there is one magical current flowing through these halls. It’s quite interesting if you think of it.”

“I don’t give a fuck about how ‘fascinating’ or whatever it is! Just point us to it so we can get the hell out of here.”

“Checking.”

He kept turning around until the device made the strongest sound when pointing to a specific direction. “It appears that it is coming from there. From… the cafeteria, it seems. Hmm. This might be challenging. They might have some questions about our presence going in there.”

“I have an even better question for you: where the hell is Kobi?!”

They were both looking around. Spotting a huge man among young teenagers should have been easy, but their efforts were fruitless. Kobi was simply gone.

Kobi was smiling. He had every reason to. It didn’t happen every day he met a girl that took his breath away. Or any girl for that matter. To be fair, he could be rather easily amazed by a lot of stuff, people included. But this was different. Because she was different. And he felt that in every bone.

He went back to the spot where he met her, being sure she would still be there. He was determined to give her a present he was holding in his hands. He approached the place, completely ignoring all other students. In everyday business they were ignoring everything that didn’t concern them, just like every other Mewman; but seeing a funny looking dude in a jumpsuit just standing there with an idiotic smile did get their attention. Some of them even stopped walking and just kept watching him, wondering what he would do.

Kobi was so sure that Kelly would come back that he didn’t doubt himself even for a second. He was friendly, smiling wide because he had a pretty present for her. In his mind he did everything to make her want to stay with him. Alas, their reunion was not meant to be, which he started to painfully realize after his hands started to cramp. Reality crept into his mind, forcing him to reevaluate his short term plans.

With apparent sadness in his eyes, he decided to leave the package on the ground. Even though she didn’t come back to him he still hoped that she might like the present he’d picked for her. However flawed this logic was to everyone else around him, it made perfect sense to him, so he left it exactly where he had laid sight on her for the first time, and with great disappointment decided to return to his fellow agents.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asked Kasper.

“I’m afraid so. We must hurry before he runs into her a-”

Just as he was about to finish his sentence, Kobi appeared from behind the corner.

Kasper was thrilled to see him. “Where the fuck you have been?!”

“I wanted to give Kelly a present, but I couldn’t find her, so I left it on the floor for her to find it when she comes back.”

“We didn’t come here to find you a date, you shitstain!”

“Wait,” Lucan stopped him. “Kobi, what kind of present did you have to give her?”

“Oh. I found a really good looking box in your backpack.”

“A bo-” When his eyes met with Kasper’s, he knew they were in deep trouble. “The Black Box!”

Kasper didn’t waste a second and hard slapped Kobi. “That was a weapon of mass destruction, you fucking retard! FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY!!!”

“But it looked so nice!”

“I’ll rip off your dick off and beat you with it!”

“Hurry! Maybe there is still time before someone ope-”

BOOOoooooom

A massive shock wave passed through building. The sound cut out and lights went off abruptly. Aside from a few sounds of crumbling rocks and the voices of shocked students, nothing else transpired after the explosion.

Lucan brought out his flashlight and shined it down the hallway. “Interesting.”

“Do you think it didn’t get out?” asked Kasper.

“In theory the inner casing could withstand the blast, but it is very unlikely. The weapon engineers were perfectionists and always made sure their creations would work.”

“So then where is all the yelling and panic?”

There were brief squeals and scramblings from students here and there, down the the distant corridors and rooms, as if panic would abruptly set in only to suddenly die away again. The space between the horrified sounds lengthened until everything went quiet for a fairly long while in the dark. The minutes stretched on, the trio scanning the darkness for signs of movement.

Kobi wrung his hands worriedly as Kasper gritted his teeth, looking to Lucan for direction.

Lucan held up a finger the other two could barely see. “Shh!”

They could hear a person sneaking out of the cafeteria. “C’mon, Kelly, let’s go this way.”

“Kelly…” gasped Kobi.

“Stay where you are!” Kasper commanded.

Lucan picked up his backpack. “We need to get out of here immediately.”

“Wise words,” agreed Kasper.

“But what about all those students in here?” asked Kobi with sadness in his voice.

“They’re doomed,” replied Lucan.

“B-But Kelly…”

Kasper gave him a pat on his shoulder. “That’s just your everyday’s shit. Now move your ass!”

AAaaaaaaaaAAA!!!!

The yelling forced all remaining students in the cafeteria to run away, leaving it completely empty.

“The timing is impeccable. Great work, dude!”

“Kasper, stop teasing him. He is sad as it is.”

“He should be! His stupidity caused all of this!”

“And we will deal with it after we return to HQ, but right now we need him focused on the mission. Kobi? Follow us.”

Without any enthusiasm he followed his teammates into the now empty room. The smell of coffee and various other drinks were still hanging in the air. It was as if the students had never really left the place. The scents combined with all of the screaming and echoed noises, creating a haunting atmosphere.

Lucan lead them into the kitchen in the back. Many things were still being cooked and some were even starting to get burned. But culinary secrets weren’t what they were after.

“Where is it?” asked Kasper.

“Near.”

“Is that supposed to help?”

“You have to realize that tracking down and following magical currents is a delicate work. This isn’t a river you can simply follow upstream to find the spring.”

“Huh. That’s a good point. But I feel compelled to note that we are in a building THAT IS BEING EATEN!”

“I suggest you lower your voice unless you want that thing to follow us here.”

“Just find the fucking entrance!”

“I told you it’s- there!” Lucan suddenly pointed at a massive rack filled with food and spices.

“It’s in… a black pepper jar?” Kapser smiled.

“Underneath the rack, obviously.”

“Yeah, obviously. Kobi, make yourself useful and get rid of it.”

Big fellow was still sad, but he didn’t wish to enrage Kasper even more, so he just did what was asked of him. Unfortunately his enthusiasm got the best of him, and with a flair of his own he threw it to the other side of the kitchen.

Kasper realized the mistake he made. “Well, if those things didn’t hear us before, they surely heard us this time.”

“Kasper…!” Seeing Lucan even subtly angry was rare and unpleasant enough even for Kasper.

“Alright, I fucked up, I’m sorry. But look! There is the entrance and it’s…” He was staring at it for a few seconds, trying to figure out if this was the punishment for his screw up. “Holy shit it’s small! I don’t think Kobi will even fit.”

The big fella didn’t like the prospect of being left behind. “What???”

“He’ll fit. Barely, but he’ll get through.” While ensuring Kobi of his survival, something got his attention. It was small, placed just above the entrance. A marker of some kind. “Hmm.”

Kasper noticed his interest in the object. “What is it?”

“Not sure.” While trying to inspect the item with intriguing markings, a fast-paced movement was heard coming from outside the cafeteria. And it was approaching. “That’s our cue. Move on.”

“But…”

“What is it this time, Kobi?”

“It stinks in there!”

Lucan looked over the hole to check its bottom. “Huh. It appears the kitchen staff discovered it and kept using it as a trash bin for spoiled food. Regardless, this is the path we need to take.”

“But I don’t wanna!”

Right on cue, Kasper stepped in. “KOBI, GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN THERE OR I’LL RIP OFF BOTH OF YOUR LEGS AND SHOVE THEM UP INTO YOUR ASSHOLE!!!”

“Grrr!”

With complications, Kobi managed to get through and landed directly onto the pile of stinky old food.

“Eww!”

“You’ll live. Now, catch Kasper and then me. And hurry; whatever is following is getting close.”

They both promptly jumped into the hole, leaving the mess they caused behind them.

After a short while of slow walking in squats, they entered a bigger tunnel. To their amazement, it was still lit. Dusty, but otherwise undamaged.

“An access tunnel,” noted Lucan.

“Huh?” wondered Kasper.

“What we left behind has to be an access tunnel, which would make this one here a maintenance tunnel.”

“So you know where we are?”

“No. I’m just assuming.”

“Based on what exactly?”

“Educated guess.”

“And this helps us… how?”

“That remains to be seen.”

“Terrific.”

“It was worth mentioning because this kind of architecture was used only rarely, at least in lower Mewni. I only know about such structures existing over there, but still… this appears to be in an astonishingly well-preserved state.”

“That’s fascinating and all, but we didn’t come here for sightseeing. Left or right?”

“Indeed. Let’s see… Hmm, now this is interesting.”

“Enough of this bullshit! Just tell us where to go!”

“Right. The flow comes from the right.”

“Finally! Let’s move our asses before that thing decides to fuck ‘em.”

“Right, of course.

Leaving the cafeteria behind, they pressed forward. With the sheer importance of the mission on their minds, they were eager to reach their destination swiftly. Unfortunately, their intentions were getting harder to reach, which was becoming more and more apparent with every meter they traversed through the tunnel. It snaked left and right, stretching and bending without an apparent end in sight.

“Argh!” growled Kasper. “This tunnel goes on forever!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” objected Lucan, who, for lack of a better word, was enjoying the scenery, or lack thereof. “I’m confident that we will reach the end in no time.”

Kasper hated many people and many things, and reassuring pep talks were at the top of the list. Hearing his artificially soothing voice was like fingernails on a chalkboard. “Oh yeah?” he replied as coldly as possible, “and how do you know, huh?” He was trying his best not to squish his face to cover up his idiotic smile. “Is one of your gadgets showing you something I don’t know?”

“Not at all.”

“Then how do you know where we are going?” The acoustics of the tunnel amplified his angry voice to new heights.

“This is not the time for you to unload your frustration. Logic dictates that eventually we will reach the end. Furthermore, this is unknown territory. Who knows what lies at the end of this tunnel. And now, thanks to your vocal performance, whatever might be there knows about us at this point.”

“So what?! We have mister muscle here!”

“Kobi isn’t invincible, which is why we always have to assess the situation. It’s the part of covert missions you keep failing to understand.”

“So after Kobi fucked up half of the school, you suddenly realized we have to be covert. That’s interesting. Let me just-” Kasper started to search his jacket for something.

“What is it?”

“Wait. I know it’s somewh- ah! Here it is.” He brought his hand up, presenting his closed fist as if he was holding something. But after opening his palm, there was nothing there.

“It’s empty,” noted Lucan.

“Yeah. I was searching in my jacket for my portable Fuck-O-Meter and this is the exact amount of fucks it gave me about your speech.”

Lucan raised his finger, preparing to fight back. Alas, he was interrupted by a sound that caught their attention and sent a shiver down their spines. Whatever made it, they could hear it coming down the tunnel, slowly, but surely approaching their position.

“Shit! It did follow us here!”

Something about the sound seemed chaotic; it was excessively unnatural. There was a mix of sounds, one distinctly weirder than the other. The noises meshed together, creating a hellish soundscape.

“How could that thing survive without a fresh host for so long?!”

“Your guess is as good as any.”

It didn’t take long for their stalker to appear in their sights. And it wasn’t pretty.

“Fuck me!”

“It appears to be some kind of head and is still alive even after several minutes of infection.”

Kasper squinted his eyes, trying to make out details of the host body. His discovery sent his mind into a spiral of deep fear. “A Woolett! That thing got ahold of that motherfucking WOOLETT!!!

“It appears to be confused. I don’t think its behaviour is by design. This is quite extraordinary.”

“Extraor- What do you think this is, a fucking zoo?!”

Before anyone could do anything, the Woolett boy, or rather what was left of him at that point, opened his mouth filled with goo and released a bunch of tentacles with their own little screeching mouths.

“Fuck!”

The creature screeched in agony.

“FUUUUCK!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!”

They didn't need much of a reason to start running for it, even though Lucan did wonder if that was the best thing they could do. “Maybe we should think this through.”

“Are you for real?! What the hell you wanna think about in the middle of running for our lives?!”

“That’s the issue. We don’t know what lies in front of us.”

“An escape!”

“Even if that is true and there is nothing else on the road ahead, we can’t say for certain when we’ll reach a safe haven.”

“We are running away from certain death! Is that logical enough for you?!”

“We can’t keep running forever! We need a plan and we need it soon!”

“The plan is to stay alive!”

“That is no- Wait, what’s that?”

“An imminent death, that’s what!”

But Lucan wasn’t paying attention to what was behind them, but rather what was standing in front of them. Against all odds, he saw a young blond girl, eagerly waving at him.

“That’s not possible…”

Even at their fast running pace, she was getting close real quick and he began to notice her grotesque dress and what appeared to be horns on her head. It all seemed surreal and he had trouble accepting it. “How…”

“What are you mumbling about??? That thing is getting closer!”

When death was breathing down one’s neck and the situation was spiraling out of control, one must take all the help he could get, even if it came from a girl that shouldn’t be there.

“All of you, into the room on your right!”

“What room?!”

The moment they were just a few meters away from it, the girl went inside, followed by Lucan holding Kasper’s shirt and Kobi with fear in his eyes.

“It’s right behind us!” Kobi squealed.

“Shove the door!” But Lucan knew that wouldn’t be enough.

He immediately started looking for something to barricade them. To his surprise the room was filled with old equipment of some kind. All that was left to do was to choose.

“That big heavy looking box! Lean it over the door so it can’t get inside!”

“Roger!”

Before they could all say “quickly” Kobi grabbed it, and with an incredible ease barricaded the door. Not two seconds after, the banging started; heavy, strong and loud, with a Woolite on the other side desperately trying to gain access to their safe haven.

“Not that I’m complaining,” said Kasper while trying to gasp for air, “but what the hell is this place? And most importantly, how we will get outside?”

“That… I’m not sure.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I was led her by a girl.”

In visible confusion, Kasper started to look around. All he could see was a mess covered by a thick layer of dust. “Not to ruin your parade, but there is no one in here.”

“I can see that, but I’m telling you that I saw her showing me to come here.”

“Oh that’s wonderful. A girl popped out of fucking nowhere, she points her sexy little fingers to this cute little room and you jump right in without thinking!”

“My decision saved our butts.”

“They’re called asses and maybe you didn’t notice, but this place is a FUCKING DEATHTRAP!!! There is no way out of here except for those doors and by the looks of it they won’t hold much longer! All you did was you handed our asses on a silver plate for that shit out there!”

“I refuse to think this was a mere accident. There must be a purpose to it!”

“I’m this close to giving my fist a purpose of meeting with your face up close and personal!”

Among all that noise, a new and different one started to come out from one of the walls. They didn’t hear at first, but in those short moments when the creature outside stopped smashing itself against the doors, they could hear it - the tinny sound of someone moving around in a shaft. Without saying a word, Kobi removed a tool shed of the wall and revealed an entry into the ventilation shaft.

“That’s our purpose.”

“Hmpf! Lucky guess.”

“Be that as it may, that’s our ticket out of here. Kobi, can you see if you will fit through?”

“Now this I want to see,” smiled Kasper.

Kobi bent over and went head-on inside, and to everyone’s surprise, with ease.

“Well I’ll be…”

“Excellent! Kasper, you follow him. I’ll be right behind you. And make it quick - the doors are starting to break down.”

“With pleasure!”

After Kasper disappeared in the shaft, Lucan looked at the door one last time. “For what it is worth: I’m sorry. I never intended any harm to any of you students. You didn’t deserve this.” With the guilt off his chest, he followed his teammates to escape the place.

“Kobi!” yelled Lucan from behind. “Can you see where it leads?”

“No! It’s dark in here. I’m scared.”

“It’s alright! Just keep on going until you reach the exit. Don’t be scared if there isn’t any light ahead either.”

“If there is an exit…”

“Kasper, shut it! We are all stressed as it is. There is no need to make it even worse.”

“But it makes me feel better.”

“You and I will have to have a talk about morale when we get back to HQ.”

“If we even get back…”

“Kasper!”

“Uhm, guys? There is something weird in here.”

Now they were both paying him attention.

“What kind of weird?” asked Lucan.

“I can feel the floor wobbling.”

“I can feel it too,” confirmed Kasper.

“This part of shaft might be suspended on the wall. Kobi! Keep on going, but do it slowly! Move one hand at the time and-”

CRAAAAACK!!!

They felt the entire shaft tilting forward and it showed no signs of slowing down. Soon after they all slid outside and started to fall. The new place they were in was completely dark, which only strengthened the anticipation of imminent death. Fortunately for them, the fall wasn’t too long. It was several more seconds before they would land, but first they hit something metallic, judging by the sound, followed shortly by a second clanging sound, which was their stop. Even though it didn’t take them long to hit the ground, the impact itself was unpleasant enough for them that they felt the need to check their bones.

“That… hurts,” noted Lucan. “Oh, my back.”

“Your back?” replied Kasper with sharp irony in his voice. “I can feel pain in bones I didn’t know I have!”

“Well, all things considered, I did save us, didn’t I?”

“If only you ‘saving’ us didn’t hurt this much.”

“Wait, I’ll use my flahlight. Here we go. Hmm.”

“Hmm? Don’t say hmm after the shit we just went through!”

“I’m just wondering where the girl went.”

“This again…”

“Whether you believe me or not is inconsequential. We survived because she intervened.”

“Have it your way. What is this place anyway? I don’t recognize a thing.”

“Yeah, this is…” Lucan’s mind was working on the question way before it was even asked, so even though he couldn’t name it just yet, the answer was already taking shape in his head. “This…” He touched the cold, rusty metallic pole. “This…” He then inspected the now mostly damaged seats on both sides. “This…”

“I swear, if you say ‘this’ one more time I will rip your tongue out and wear it like a tie! Just answer the fucking question: do you know what this is???”

Lucan looked into his eyes with a spark. “A railcar.”

“A what?”

“A railcar. This is an intact railcar.”

“I don’t know what a railcar is but…” Kasper looked around to inspect all the damage that took a bite out of the place. “I’d hardly call this intact.”

“Well, yes, of course, time is merciless to everything. Still, taking into account the age of this contraption, it is surprisingly well preserved.”

“Alright then. Let me rephrase the question: where the fuck are we?!”

“You really don’t know? Huh, come to think of it, it’s not really too surprising. You never really did pay attention to history lessons.”

“History doesn’t save your ass, bombs do. Now will you answer my damn question or what?!”

“Very well. Come with me.”

He proceeded to take them out of the carriage. They couldn’t move much even there, as there were multiple wagons all over the place, stacked close to each other. “This way.” Thankfully, the wagons weren’t derailed or otherwise damaged in such a way that might hinder their progress, so after a while of walking between them, they reached a spot where the tracks began to spread further apart from each other.

Kobi was fascinated by all of the new stuff he could explore, though he couldn't care less what it actually was; every new thing was a good thing. Kasper, however, never really enjoyed the whole exploration gig. He was only interested in blowing up the things they found.

Lucan turned around and raised his hands. “Gentlemen, welcome to the depot of Warnicorn Metro.”

“Wait, you mean to tell me that Warnicorn Metro is real?”

“Indeed it is, despite its almost legendary status, as you can see.”

“I thought it was just a rumor.”

“That’s because the Queen doesn’t like failures and she made sure to wipe its existence from public memory by simply killing everyone who dared to even acknowledge its existence. All the remaining physical evidence was destroyed.”

“Why not destroy the whole thing?”

“Because by the time she had a change of heart, the whole system was so complex that they couldn’t get rid of it without turning everything on top of it into debris. But they did lock it out from the reach of common folks by building additional tunnels and buildings around it.”

“How do you even know all this stuff?”

“Knowledge is power.”

The sound that came from above their heads made them look up, even thought they couldn't possibly see anything in the pitch black darkness. Still, the noise was distinct, and considering the recent events, it was obvious what was making it.

"You think it's that girl you saw?" asked Kasper.

"I hope so, though I somehow doubt it."

"Yeah."

The fact that they couldn't pinpoint the exact location of the noise was making the whole situation worse. All they could do was continue staring into dark nothingness.

Kasper huffed. "Shouldn't we get out of here? I'm not exactly thrilled to face it again."

"But where to? We didn't have the chance to explore this place. We might end up wandering for hours, days even, and never finding a way out nor what we came here to find."

"Guys?" Kobi interrupted them. "I think the girl is showing us the way."

As a welcomed distraction from the imminent horror, they looked left and noticed a blond girl in the most unusual dress, holding a flashlight and waving at them to follow her.

"Holy shit."

"Now you believe me, Kasper?"

"I believe my eyes."

"Uhm, all right. We should move be-"

Before Lucan could finish his sentence, they could hear what sounded like something crashing into one of the boxcars not far away from their position. All three of them had the same thought; each of them had hoped that they were wrong. It wasn’t clear at first, as the thing that landed inside wasn’t make any noise; if it was moving, it was doing so with the utmost secrecy.

“Maybe it’s dead,” said Kasper with a nervous chuckle, trying to hide the growing fear inside him.

“Maybe.”

“Er, guys, the girl is still waving at us. Maybe we should go meet her instead of waiting for that thing to eat us?”

Now this sent shivers down their spines. It was one thing to feel fear when a horribly deformed mutant was chasing them, but hearing that fear in the voice of their big gun made them realize the gravity of the situation. They were keen not to die.

“You’re right Kobi,” agreed Lucan. “We should leave this place before-”

The silence that was giving them some hope of being safe dissipated like a morning fog the moment the car started to keel from one side to another. A noise like that of steel being ripped apart emanated from it. They wanted to run as far as possible, but their legs were locked in place by the crippling fear of aggravating the creature and, in turn, of accelerating their journey toward their own demise. All they could do was to watch with hearts beating like crazy.

The sound started to move from the point of impact along the car. It was clear that it was ripping its insides out, though the purpose of doing so was unclear to them. That was, until it came out and they could see the thing by their own eyes; and that sight was haunting them.

“MY HOLY DICK!!!”

“My dear!”

“I’m scared! Can we go home now?!”

It was Tad. Or rather what was left of him. The impact was so great that despite being covered by the goo creature, he broke all of his bones and even a small part of his skull. But the entity wasn’t ready to give him up, so it improvised: it took all the steel pipes it needed to replace the cracked bones and cover the exposed brain, which was already looking like a dry plum. The creature certainly didn’t cater to aesthetics, so the thing standing there in front of them looked like a pure eldritch horror snatched straight from the worst of nightmares. It wasn’t doing anything, save irregularly breathing through semi-broken nostrils, but it was enough for them to shit their pants.

“Lu-Lucan?” stuttered Kasper.

“Yes?” answered Lucan with shaking voice.

“Tell me you have a plan. For everything that’s holy to you, tell me that you know how to get us out of here in one piece.”

“W-Well, erm, I…”

“No. No no no no no!”

“Just let me think, all right? I need to… assess the situation.”

“What do you need to assess?! That: a deadly monster - us: dead meat!”

“Don’t you think I don’t know that?! But if we want to survive this encounter we need to think smart about our next step.” Standing there against the creature, Lucan began to calm enough for him to formulate a plan. After a while of stressful thinking, he said, “Poop bombs.”

“Excuse me???”

“Didn’t you hear me?! Poop bombs!”

“Wha- Ooooooooooh!!! Poop bombs!”

“Yes, poop bombs.”

“So does this mean I have your permission to make shit go boom?”

“Only that specific shit, nothing else. We still need to finish our mission.”

“Man, how can you still think about the stinking mission?”

“Training. Now do your thing.”

“Right, right.” Kasper was, within the limits of the current situation, happy. He could finally shine with his explosive personality against a worthy adversary! If only he could force himself to make a move.

“What are you waiting for?”

“It’s just that… It might recognize they are bombs and chop me into pieces before setting them off.”

“I don’t believe it will do that. At least not right away.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Its behavior. Just like a few minutes ago, it isn’t doing anything. Chasing us all the way down here, but not proceeding with killings.”

“Now that is weird.”

While the two could hide their fear for the most part, Kobi wasn’t so fortunate.

“Can you PLEEASEEE make it go away?!” There was a subtle hint of cry in his voice.

“Alright, alright! You’re acting as if we are about to die or something. Sheesh. OK then, I’m reaching for my belt, slowly!” And he was really slow, straining every muscle in his arm to keep its movements to an absolute minimum. A sloth standing next to him would appear as if doped on caffeine.

Lucan was watching him the whole time. “What are you doing?”

“Trying not to startle it.”

“Just pick those bombs and throw them at it already!”

“Pfft! OK, fine, have it your way!” He angrily reached into his pocket, picked a handful of small black balls, and threw them at it as if in tantrum. “There! Happy?!”

There were several scenarios they could have imagined once Kasper threw the bombs: a premature explosion, a late explosion, an explosion doing not nearly enough damage, an explosion that was misdirected… Basically every idea contained some form of explosion. What they got instead was something completely not expected: tiny, nasty tentacles reaching out from all over the hijacked body and eating those small bombs, not leaving a single mark after them. No flash, no sound, no smoke. Just gone.

“Well, that just happened, “ summarized Kasper. “I think it’s safe to say we are fucked.”

“Not just yet.”

“What do you mean not just yet? It ate them! They didn’t leave a dent on it! That’s an apt description of being fucked!”

“But it still isn’t doing anything. That’s a good sign.”

“It’s a sign of it playing with its food.”

“You and your pessimism.” “You still don’t believe me? Here, let me make this jump to end this fucking sharade.”

“Wait, what are you doing?!”

But it was too late. Kasper made a swift jump away from the monster to demonstrate just how wrong his leader was. And the monster did the most unusual thing he could think of: once again, absolutely nothing.

“What the- WHAT THE FUCK IS ITS PROBLEM?! First it chases us, then it stops, then it chases again and when it has us on a silver plate, it doesn’t do shit again! That thing is broken! Fuck it, let’s go!”

“No!”

“Oh fuck you Lucan! I had enough of your bullshit!”

“Just wait a second! I think I know what is happening here. And if I’m right…” He raised his foot and made a step back. Tad, as previously, did nothing.

“I give up,” Kasper threw up his arms.

“Just one more thing. Kobi, make one step back. Slowly.”

“But I’m scared.”

“I know you are. We all are. But I need you to do this one thing for me. Please? Just one slow step back, nothing more.”

“Uhm, erm, o-ok.” Kobi carefully lifted his leg and started to move it behind his back. That immediately triggered a growling in the monster. “Gah!” He quickly returned his leg back to where it was previously.

“Ha! So I was right after all!”

“I am so fucking happy for you, man. Like, I would give a hug and shit, but unfortunately this place kills the mood for it.”

“Yes, yes. Do you remember that encounter we had with the girl, the one with the book?”

“Her name was Kelly,” Kobi quickly corrected him, which awarded him an even nastier growl from the creature.

“Hush now, Kobi. Let me talk. So anyway, we heard another voice coming out of her hair. Head to be more precise. I now believe that was her boyfriend.”

“Even if so, how the hell is this supposed to help us?”

“Because now I can come up with some kind of plan to get us out of here in one piece while achieving our mission goal.”

“Do tell.”

“You see, when the goo attacked him, it went on with its business; sucking out all the brain energy and all that. But the substance wasn’t created with Woolites in mind. And there is a good reason for it: back then no Woolite was living in Mewni and they were considered extinct after the great Magical Wars with their people. My guess is that it couldn't fully merge with its host and when it was about to be done with this boy here, it wanted to jump to another victim, but at that very moment it tapped into his rage against Kobi. ”

“Because he was hitting on her!”

“Exactly! So now they are both locked in endless agony: the boy is alive just a split moment from death and the goo is dying of hunger, and both want the opposite things. Although at this point my guess would be he just wants to die.”

“Awesome mental work, dude! Now, let me ask you this: HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSE TO HELP US?!”

“We can use Kobi here as bait.”

“What?! No! No bait! I don’t want to die!” Kobi objected.

“Don’t worry, I don’t want you dead either. We will just make sure it will follow you to a place where we can kill it. The boy deserves his peace and we deserve to live. Are you with me, Kobi?”

“So I won’t die?”

“Not if you will do exactly what I tell you to do.”

“O-OK.” Even though he agreed, he wasn’t convinced.

“This is all dandy and sweet and shit, but what is the actual plan?”

“I’m not exactly sure.”

“Say what?!”

Kobi lit up. “But the blond girl appears to know how to proceed.”

Kasper looked over his shoulder to the opening in the dark. “She was holding that flashlight this whole time? Damn she has to have a strong arm.”

“I believe it is safe to assume she wants us to follow her there. Which we’ll do.”

“Excellent idea boss, but it seems you forgot about one small, tiny, itsy-bitsy, but ever so crucial detail: we can’t move our asses out of here without turning Kobi’s ass into a ham!”

“Well it looks like the girl disagrees with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at her.”

“Why- I was just checking a minute ag- Oh.”

The girl was still holding her flashlight, but now she was pointing it at something above their heads. He looked up and saw a train car hanging on a steel rope, though he didn’t recognize the contraption holding it there.

“The fuck is that?”

“No clue. But that is unimportant right now. All we need to do is to make it fall down on that thing… that… is- Is it growling?”

“Yeah,” Kobi confirmed, “and I didn’t move from my place, like, at all. I even slowed down my breathing so I wouldn’t enrage it. It really hates me.”

“Yeah, who doesn’t? Lucan, while that thing hanging above our heads is certainly convenient, how do you want to get it down and break its skull with it?”

“Simple: with your help.”

“My help? I ain’t going up there!”

“I didn’t mean that, you simpleton. You’re a demolition expert. Don’t you have a means to shoot it down or something like that?”

“Oh that kind of help! Yeah, sure, I should have something tha- Oh, I know!” Kasper reached into his pocket again and this time he brought out something yellow and bright resting in his palm.

“A firefly.”

“Yes.”

Lucan looked at him with suspicion. “With all those explosives you have at your disposal and you picked a firefly.”

“Ah, but not just any firefly. A Blind Bandit.”

“I really hope that’s just a name.”

“Nope. It’s really blind.”

“Kasper, we don’t have time for this.”

“What?! This is the perfect solution to our problem. Look, these fireflies are rare and really hard to train.”

“You mean to tell me you trained this thing?”

“Of course! They are really dumb. Even dumber than Kobi here. But they also have what you would call an explosive personality - they make a lot of damage upon contact.”

“How come it didn’t explode in your hand?”

“Because it’s not flying, duh! So you want that thing to fall down, right? Then I’ll just point it at the rope keeping it there and BOOM!”

“How precise is it?”

Kasper was beginning to be annoyed. “It goes exactly where I show it to go. I could send it towards a moving hoving car and it would splash against it with a smile.”

“All right, I believe you. Kobi, are you ready?”

“Yes please!”

“Kasper, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Kasper aimed has hand at the illuminated rope and gently blew air at the little creature. As if being a leaf, it took off and started to fly in a straight line. “See? Easy.”

“Excellent. Now, both of you be ready to start running.”

“Running? Aren’t you exaggerating a little? We just need to move away.”

“That car won’t kill it.”

“What are you on about? Of course it will kill it!”

“A fall from 10 meters won’t end its life, so I doubt this will be successful in that regard.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Perhaps. But she does,” Lucan pointed at the girl still pointing her flashlight. “It’s apparent she wants to help and that she knows this place.”

“You think we can trust her?”

“Unclear, but we don’t have much of a choice.”

Kasper looked up. “Well, we will see soon enough. Ten seconds!”

“Kobi, we will all start running towards the girl on my mark.”

“OK!”

“Three, two, one, RUN!”

They all quickly turned around and started to run away from the creature. That enraged it and it immediately began to follow them, but it managed to make only a few steps before a loud explosion was heard above and the massive train car landed on top of it. None of them dared to look back, as they believed it would be pointless. When they were approaching the gal, she didn't wait for them and started to run as well.

“Hey, wait for us!” Lucan yelled towards her, but she didn’t pay any attention to him.

“Should we follow her?” asked Kasper.

Suddenly a loud and unnatural screech was heard from behind.

“There is no turning back. Keep running!”

The air inside the hallway they entered was stiff and old and kinda smelly. But all that was irrelevant to them. What mattered was the fact that they were being chased by a monster that now looked like a living nightmare. Kasper was the last one and he could hear it following them the best. It also meant he could just turn around and take a glimpse of it if he wanted.

Left, left, right, up the stairs.

The idea of seeing its current shape had made his mind so preoccupied that he didn’t notice the change of scenery. Instead of a plain tunnel they were now in a hallway with a lot of doors, and the further they went the wider the hallway got.

Right.

He didn’t want to turn back. The fact he could hear it more clearly with each step suggested it was getting closer. But his curiosity took hold of him and forced him to turn his head around, if only for a split second. That split second was more than enough to scare him to death.

“FUCK! That shit is really pissed we took its favorite chew toy and it wants it back! BADLY!”

“I can hear it too! It sounds extra motivated!”

“No shit! Do you still see the girl?”

“Yes! But I’m clueless as to where she is taking us!”

“We will find out in one minute!”

“Why one minute?”

“Because we will be dead in one minute!!!”

Up the stairs and through big doors.

Now the place had turned into a wide square full of shops and vending machines. There was also a weird, blueish flickering light coming from behind turnstile, which was exactly where the girl was leading them. This made Lucan suspicious and question his decision to trust her. Whatever the case, it was too late to change his mind, and all he could do was follow the whole situation through.

They turned right to the light. With full running speed they barged into an abandoned boarding platform with a huge hole in the middle of it. Lucan saw it at the last moment.

“KOBI, TURN RIGHT AND GRAB KASPER!” Even he had trouble steering his body to the side, so seeing Kobi steering his while grabbing Kasper along the way was truly something. They were safe from falling to their deaths, but not so much from being eaten.

Not five seconds later a massive black blob beyond recognition emerged out of the darkness from behind, covered by steel shrapnel and tentacles. The creature too had the problem of staying on their tails while going after them at full speed, but it managed to attach itself onto nearby pillars to keep itself from falling into the abyss. Still, a small part of its mass did lurk over it, and that small part was enough for it to sign its death warrant.

Out of the blue and without any prior indication of its presence, a huge, nasty looking reddish tentacle appeared from the sinkhole and wrapped itself around the black creature. The creature shrieked, trying to hold itself in place, but the fight was predestined to fail. It was being loud, attaching itself to various things around in total panic, but the sheer difference in size was simply too great for it to stand any chance. After a short horrifying theater they had to witness, the blob was snatched against its will down into the pitch black.

Lucan was pointing with his flashlight at the scenario the whole time and even after it was done he couldn’t force himself to move his hand away from the hole. The shock of it all took hold of his nerves, keeping him from doing anything at all.

“Well,” noted Kasper, “I believe the smaller problem is gone. Can we now panic over the bigger one?”

“I- uhm,” suttered Lucan.

“This place is fucked up, man. How anything with magic can exist in this place is beyond me.”

His mention of magic jump-started Lucan’s mind. He got back on his feet and started to search for the girl. She was the only thing he could focus on to regain his sanity after what he had just witnessed. Lucky for him, she wanted to be found. But this time she wasn't showing any sign of movement. In fact, she was standing across the chasm perfectly still, almost like a statue.

That wasn't the reassurance he was looking for.

“Uhm, OK, well, I- I think we should reach out to her here before that thing decides it needs a dessert. Kobi, are you feeling well?”

“No.” His voice was weak and silent.

But Kasper wasn't convinced by his plan. "Dude, that chick is giving me creepy vibes. And that says something, considering the shit we just went through."

"I can't deny feeling a degree of… uncertainty. I'm still shaken by these events, just like you. But that wasn't our mission."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me…"

"Without purpose we are lost. More so in this uncharted place."

"All the more reason to get the fuck out!"

"That is my goal as well, but first I need to know why she brought us here. Now, follow me around this pit. Surely a few extra steps wouldn't hurt you."

Kasper mumbled something inaudible but agreed to get a move on, quite reluctantly though, as the passage to the other side was narrow and the possibility of being eaten alive very much probable.

Kobi was shaken the most, almost to the point of not being able to move from his place; a place he grew to like over the last few minutes. It gave him a sense of security, even if it was false.

Lucan, who had some problem of coping with the situation himself, needed to muster every last drop of confidence he had left to comfort him. "Look, Kobi, the pretty girl is just over there. We just need to get to her and then we will be on our way."

"I don't like her."

Kasper felt the need to join the discussion. "At least something we can agree on."

But Lucan quickly shut him off with a look in his eyes. "We will just check what she wants, nothing more."

Kobi looked up with his sad puppy eyes. "And we go?"

"Of course."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

He looked over to the girl just standing there with an unnatural look on her face. "Well ok."

Lucan grabbed his hand, though thanks to his massive body it was a mere symbolic gesture. He then turned to Kasper. "Lead the way."

"Gee, thanks."

They were moving along the edge of the pit in one line making sure not to fall down. Only Lucan kept watching the girl, than his own footsteps. She didn't appear to show any signs of movement and the flickering blue light above her was giving her an almost eerie feeling. Just before he was behind a pillar, she suddenly turned her head his way and smiled. But it wasn't a smile of a girl; it was a smile of a winner.

And as if she wasn't really there, once they got past the pillar, she was gone. He quickly approached the spot he had seen her standing. The floor was dusty, but didn't have any footsteps. The creepy feelings intensified, as did Kobi's anxiety.

"Can we go now?"

"Not yet."

Kasper disagreed. "Oh come on, dude! Now you're just being an asshole. There is nothing here!"

"I wouldn't be so sure of that. Think about it: we enter a centuries old piece of architecture, seemingly abandoned for the same length of time, and then this person appears out of nowhere and starts helping us, leading us to a specific place. This place."

"You're just making absurd connections that aren't there."

"I don't think they are. It's beginning to make perfect sense to me now."

"How convenient that your brain lit up in this place in particular."

"Your doubts are understandable. But I believe I can disperse the gloom looming over your head - with this."

"Your doohickey?"

"I'm convinced that if I'll turn it on here, it'll immediately light up."

"I want to see that."

And so Lucan flipped it on and to Kasper's surprise, and to Kobi's relief, it did just that.

"Well I'll be…"

"I believe that she wasn't just leading us out of harm's way. She was also leading us to the very thing we came here to search for."

"How's that even possible???"

"I have no idea, and just this once I'm fine with it."

"But what about the pretty girl?" asked Kobi.

Kasper nodded. "I can't believe I'm actually agreeing with him, but he has a point. She did help us after all."

"I don't think she wants to be found."

"What makes you think that?"

"Do you see her?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then we're leaving her where she wants to be. Now, let's see what we get here."

Kasper was somewhat shocked by his response, but taking into account what happened and the place they were in, he just shrugged it off.

"Well, even though we're here, wherever 'here' is, how the hell do we know what to look for? Do you know what the damn thing even looks like?"

"Not yet. Here, hold the flashlight. I'm going to find the source."

Lucan's apparatus was definitely going crazy, but still wasn't at its peak level. Aware of this fact, he began to search the place. He was glad when the signal weakened when he pointed it towards the pit. But when facing what appeared to be a glass wall, the readings hit the ceiling.

"In there! Kasper, shine some light into it."

The light rays revealed a curious sight: toys. A lot of them, being thrown around the place in random order.

Kasper was surprised. "A toy shop?"

On the other hand, Kobi was happy. "Yay! Toys! Can I take one?"

"We didn't come here to steal useless crap, you doofus! Now, which shit in there is the thing we're looking for?"

"I'm not sure. My equipment isn't that sensitive."

"Then you better make it sensitive enough, because I sure as hell ain't going in there to search for it!"

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Go back a little. Yes, there! Do you see it?"

"See what exactly?"

"It's buried beneath all those toys, but I think I can see a small part of it peeking out."

"I see nothing."

"You will. Kobi, break the glass, please."

"Wee, toys!" Kobi broke it with quite the enthusiasm, resulting in glass shattering all over the place.

Kasper shielded himself from the spray of glass. "Not so hard, you fucking twat! You almost cut us!"

"Oopsie. Can I take toys now?"

"No! Lucan, tell me you see that damn thing."

"Indeed I do. Hold on."

He reached his hand into the pile of cushy toys. To his surprise they were in quite good condition for being hundreds of years old. But this realization went quickly away when he touched a very slick handle and felt a slight tingling sensation in his fingers.

"Got it."

And when he brought it out, they couldn't believe their own eyes.

Kobi’s pupils almost dilated with glee. "What a beautiful toy!!!" he gasped.

What was a mere toy to Kobi, was something entirely different to Kasper and Lucan. A wide range of new possibilities opened just before their eyes.

"No. Fucking. Way. It can't be!"

"But it is! Do you realize what this means? This changes everything! We can finally make a final move against the queen!"

They were silently staring at the object in Lucan's hand. The handle was smooth, with a spiral ornament and a small crystal at the bottom. On the other side it had a star shaped crystal surrounded by small hearts and embedded in half a sphere, which had two wings attached on both sides.

Lucan was ecstatic. "The ultimate source of magic in the whole world: a magical wand!"

"But I thought there is only one and it belongs to the queen."

"I'm holding the proof that we were wrong this entire time!"

But then Kasper noticed something weird about it. "Uhm, dude? Not to ruin your parade, but doesn't it look kinda weird to you? Because to me it looks dead. There are barely any colors, just shades of grey."

Lucan clearly didn't like Kasper's remark. "It is of no consequence. We have it. It is ours. We can use. We will use it."

"Yeah, sure, awesome stuff, except that we are still stuck in this hellhole. How the fuck do we get out?! We can’t go back the way we came in."

It was unclear if the wand actually heard his question, or that it could even understand his question; but the fact remained that for a few seconds it regained all of its colors and shined bright as a sun, followed by lights lighting up a hallway leading to a stairway. They kept staring at the possibly most convenient getaway that ever existed. After being tired by looking just one way, they carefully looked down at the wand, expecting it to talk to them or something similar. But it remained silent.

“That didn’t just happen, right?” asked Kasper, looking for moral support. “I mean, wands aren’t alive, right?”

“Sentient is the word you are looking for. And honestly I’m not sure about anything anymore, except that this thing is the key to our victory. So let’s just accept this offering of good faith and get back to base.”

“Spooky wand,” added Kobi.

They left the horrors of Warnicorn Metro behind and began to rise to the surface. The climb was quite long and exhausting, but after all they went through, this was a walk in the park. And truth to be told, they enjoyed it. After all, they had the most powerful, and most likely also the only known, weapon strong enough to defeat and kill the queen, Omnia Butterfly.

#pillars of magic #star vs the forces of evil #svtfoe

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theemichelleb · 5 years

Text

Slim Thick & D.O.P.E.

I barely know where to start with this one… Weight loss has always been a sticky subject for me, especially when it came to my self-image and the perspective I’ve had of myself (but that’s a topic for another week). Looking back on my journey I realize it was a sticky subject because I was self-conscience and unaware of how DOPE I was.

I won’t say weight gain is something that runs in my family, but I have definitely had my struggles with fluctuating weight and not really having any control over losing or gaining throughout my life, it’s always been something that just happens to me and I go with the flow… it is what it is. In 2018 I had consciously decide that wasn’t good enough anymore because I really did not want to accept that getting older indefinitely comes with gaining weight when you don’t take care of your body and respect your temple.

It was easy when I was young. Growing up, “active” was my middle name: I played basketball, touch football in the neighborhood with the guys, dancing, stepping, double dutch, running track, and really anything that kept me outside; if it could be done I wanted to do it. I don’t know how much I weighed before, but after my father passed I went up to 160, I was a little thickums with chubby cheeks.

Once I got into High School and started walking more and dancing I dropped the weight, got a little taller and managed to remain at 145 until I went into college. Like most freshman going into college I gained the freshman 15 (which was really more like the freshman 25), but it looked good on me (looking back now). Even though I had gone over 160, I never realized I had built more muscle and I wasn’t truly fat… even though I thought I was… just a little thick.

After graduating college when all the physical activity stopped is how and when adulting really hit me. Within 2 years after graduating I had made my way up between 185 and 190, which honestly still wasn’t too bad, but I started to feel the weight gain. I was in a stressful work environment and honestly hated my job. I felt like I had wasted 5 years of my life working for a degree to not even use it, I didn’t see a way out of it, and on top of all of that I was back in Richmond where I did not want to be dreaming of living back in the DMV area where I’d be closed to my boyfriend at the time and my friends. There were so many things not going the way I wanted them to, and my body showed that.

I went through a bit of an emotional roller coaster through the summer of 2015 and had dropped down to 175 in an unhealthy way to say the least, but I was happy that I had finally thinned back down a little. Before I knew it, I was on the path to move back to the DMV, still working a janky job but it was bringing in good money and handling everything I needed it to handle so I took the opportunity and went back to where I thought I was happier.

It’s amazing the things you think will fix all your problems… and then you get it and it doesn’t. God will get your life in perspective real quick with those moments.

After moving to Maryland in 2016, I took a rather quick nose-dive and lost control with my cravings and bad eating habits. It was horrible on my pockets and even worse on my body. 2016 was not a friend to me in many ways, and it showed in how I moved day to day. From struggling financially, to losing friends, and fighting to stay on my feet; I didn’t know what was going on. To top it all off I had blown up to 230lbs+.

In 2018 God really showed me that he had more planned for me than what I had been doing for the 2 years prior. Moving in with my sister was the BEST decision I had made after having two less than desirable roommate situations. We’re sisters, so of course, we get on each other’s nerves but I just want to take a second to thank her for all the amazing things she does and how she’s help mold me into the woman I am today.

I have watched her struggle with her weight as well, but I’ve always admired her for how confident and self encouraging she is every step of the way. I’m sure she was going through things that we didn’t always see on the surface level, but most specifically from May of 2018 until today I have watched her change her life around and really push to lose the weight she’s always wanted to lose.

Talk about a D.O.P.E. queen, she not only started on her journey alone she pulled me and one of our roommates into her journey with her. Now, I won’t lie, we haven’t dedicated ourselves to the degree she has but she is definitely my inspiration to keep pushing even when I don’t want to. The greatest tidbit she’s given me since our journey’s started May of 2018 is the dedication to making a lifestyle change and not just “dieting”. We don’t need to diet, we need to be healthy, and my commitment to living that healthier lifestyle was influenced by her.

There aren’t enough words to express how proud I am of my big sister and her milestone of losing 57 lbs and 34.25 inches!!! She is still pushing forward and I know she isn’t stopping anytime soon I just pray I live up to her amazing example of what it is to be a D.O.P.E. black woman and providing support and encouragement to all the other black women in her circle and whom she comes in contact with on a day to day basis. You are truly amazing and all of the hard work you put in does not go to waste. You are a bright light in my life and I’m grateful to have a sister like you to beat up on me and push me to be a better version of myself everyday.

Since May of 2018 I have successfully dropped down to 205 lbs, I’m maintaining my weight loss, and am so excited about my growth and my dedication to living a healthier lifestyle. Next stop, 190! The most important lesson I have taken from this part of my life is loving myself in all forms no matter how “ugly” I may believe I am at any low point I hit. Being D.O.P.E. is becoming a part of my life and I owe that all to the women in my life, like LaToya, that have seen it in me for so long and have been behind me every step of the way since I’ve decided to walk in my truth.

If you’re on a weight loss journey, I’m here to say keep going! Don’t give up when it gets hard, don’t doubt yourself when you don’t notice results, and remember you didn’t gain the weight over night (somebody wise said that to me once). Lean on your support system, but don’t forget to be your own support system and motivation. Figure out what will convince you to keep moving towards your goal and remember you don’t have to do it all alone!

I know my biggest set back when trying to do most anything is doing it alone. The thing about being alone is there’s nobody to put a mask on for. When you fail it’s on you, but failure isn’t a bad thing, it’s just the thing that tells you it doesn’t work that way. Try a new way and next time you may get a different outcome. It’s okay to be afraid of working out alone, but do it anyway. The only person that has to live with your decisions at the end of the day is you… don’t be miserable if you don’t have to be, and don’t give anybody else the power over making yourself happy.

I know I’m not the best role model when it comes to exercise, but be better than me… be more like LaToya. Make yourself go to the gym 100 times… and when you reach that goal, start for the next hundred. Find a nutritionist and a personal trainer, find a gym buddy, plan out your meals, choose to stick to an eating schedule… whatever you need to do, do it NOW.

One of my best friends recently said to me “progress not perfection.”

Any step forward, is a step in the right direction. Don’t let ANYBODY take that from you.

Be D.O.P.E. Black People!

#weight loss #healthy living #healthy lifestyles #work out #eat clean #healthy black women #slim thick

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driftingglass · 6 years

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Your writing is absolutely stunning and I can't help but be amazed by it. I have read all your fic's and I love all of them. I love writing but I believe mine is average and I really want to improve. How can you write so beautifully? How long did it take you to write in such way? ( practicing I mean) 😊❤

First of all, thank you for taking the time to leave this comment in my inbox, and for providing such a thoughtful question to mull over. This is important for any writer to address, and I’m honored you’re seeking advice from a writer like me. I’m always insecure about my skills as a writer and learning how to continuously develop is difficult for anyone, no matter how experienced and well-rehearsed.

There are a few simple rules that I’ll share with you that I practice myself, and other personal beliefs that keep the process moving.

I don’t have a specific timeline set out because I can’t remember a time where I didn’t write. I was horrible at it, understandably, at first, like most everyone. Still sinking into this new “skin,” so to speak, that I understood was the eventual layer of writing I wanted to reach and hold onto.

Unfortunately, I can’t provide a “step by step” process to achieve a certain kind of style. That, ultimately, is up to you. But we’ll get more into that later.

For one thing, it’s essential to know how much you love writing.

And clearly, you seem to care quite a lot about it, hence that you love it but you believe it’s “average” and you want to improve. I’m not going to say that average writers don’t exist, because they do. People who tell you that every writer is “good in their own way” are wrong.

Not every writer is good. Of course, this can be subjective to a point, but the fact remains that there are degrees of separation. And there is, at least in my experience and journey, a main difference between great writers, average writers, and, yes, terrible writers.

I want to make it clear that I don’t consider myself to be a great writer by any means. Like every creative, we’re always pushing ourselves to be better and hone our craft, and this is no different for me. It’s an endless scope of a process that requires discipline and evolution, and both your own critical eye and that of another.

One of the most important aspects of being a writer is understanding the amount of time and commitment you will need to carve out for your craft. “Good” and “average” writers only write and read every other day. Terrible writers don’t put in the time at all.

But you don’t want to be good or average, do you? I doubt you even want to consider yourself “great” at one point. You want to be solid, and the best you can be. Maybe even the best.

And what I want to share with you is what separates the average from the best.

In order to become that level, or at least improve, you must make the time to read and write every single day. It could be as little as 250 words or as many as 10,000 when it comes to writing. And reading? Well, reading is accomplished no matter what, but reading essays, articles, nonfiction, fiction, it all counts towards something.

It’s important to take the time to both consume from other influences, genres, sentence structures, ideas, plot developmental strategies, etc. just by reading other works. Invest in your favorite genre of fiction or whatever you’re interested in practicing yourself, and watch as even your subconscious works to help you grow.

My average wordcount per day is 4,000 to 5,000 words. I also tend to overwrite quite a bit, and cut away the unnecessary fat later. My heaviest wordcount taken in one day caps off at 11,000 words.

I get up early in the morning, go to the gym or run outside to get the blood flowing, write for a solid hour, then leave for work that same morning. It requires a lot of discipline and no, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. And after work I write as well until I reach my goal for that day.

Although I might also be a wee bit insane. So take that into account when asking for advice from someone who cares way more about writing than pretty much anything else, save for… coffee, some animals, and a handful of friends.

Regardless, this is something every great writer does. They make the time.

Start small, and grow from there. See how many words you can accomplish in one busy day. Create a routine for yourself. Let the ideas flow and grow into something that even surprises you.

There are countless writing prompts, exercises and more to draw influence from. With my own ideas I just think of them on the spot, but in college I tended to look for prompts for short story concepts that didn’t require more than one ginormous chapter to set up a plot.

I’m hesitant to give advice about critiquing because I’m ware of how much this is a problem for me personally. I’m very harsh about my writing and can be obsessive about the turnout, leading to an ironic series of burnouts and even stalling.

However, I can say that being critical, while sometimes dismissed by friends and colleagues, is absolutely necessary for you to improve. If you notice something off about your sentence structure, or if you realize that a character you’ve created definitely would not say “that line,” then feel free to erase it.

One of the best things about writing is that you are in control of your own imagination, and what you put down.

Just remember that it’s normal to feel burned out.

Writing, like any passion, takes a lot of practice, time and commitment to make into something grand and beautiful. Your style will grow into itself and you’ll find a reflection of you in what you create. I never planned to have a certain style.

The moment you try to replicate every other writer instead of accepting the type of writer you are meant to be, is one of many mistakes a first-time writer makes. Take it from someone who struggled with this for years before finding the courage to understand that writing is a process.

Writing is rewriting. Remember this too.

It’s easy to forget how not everything you craft will be perfect. Writing is always imperfect. Even the best writers are far from perfect. Because perfection is, well, impossible to achieve.

All that you can control is how hard you work at it, what you choose to focus on to improve your craft, and how you choose to approach your inevitable mistakes.

The fear of failure is one of the biggest reasons great minds stop before they go through with what they want to accomplish. Sometimes it’s truly the only difference separating a published work from an unpublished work.

Believe me, these upcoming aspects will tie together. I don’t intend to leave you hanging.

J.K. Rowling was rejected twelve times for Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (and probably even more). Pierce Brown faced rejection from over 120 agents before he was able to sell Red Rising. Stephen King, Neil Gaiman, J.R.R. Tolkien, William Golding, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Rudyard Kipling–and so many more, have all faced rejection.

But rejection is inevitable for anyone who dreams. In fact, let’s move away from just writers for a moment. Would you believe that Walt Disney himself was turned down from his plans of financing the Walt Disney Company over 300 times?

Success never falls into laps. Real success is made by actions taken. The choice to take those steps and keep moving forward, and never giving up, is one of the most important things about being a writer (and person).

If you remain in a comfort zone, you will forever be stagnant. Growth only comes to those who challenge themselves and push forward. If you struggle with adapting character, research and figure out ways to make them more personal. Do you struggle with dialogue? Read your phrases allowed, study the character more, and test out different clauses and details.

There are countless ways to approach improving writing. It takes a myriad of steps, and it all comes down to the all-around focus you want to have.

You know you want to improve. You know that you love writing. And for some, that’s enough of a reason to throw yourself into it and see what happens.

As one last thing to close this off (I could go on and on about this for days), please remember that your style is unique to you. It is a part of who you are, not anyone else. Everyone has writing influences (dozens, even) but their style is meant to be that. An influence. Not a replication.

It’s a difficult journey and extremely stressful and heartbreaking at times, but it’s so, so rewarding.

Writing, while something that’s incredibly wonderful to share with the world, is ultimately about you. You should write for you, so write what you want to write, reshape it accordingly, and keep at it until you reach your goal… and then keep going.

I wish you the best with your endeavors, Anon. Thank you.

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andrewdburton · 3 years

Text

How to set SMART Goals (and win BIG this year)

Let’s be honest: people suck at goal setting.

Even when we really want to do something, we have a hard time achieving it.

(Need proof? Just consider that the vast majority of New Year’s resolutions fail by February.)

But, it’s not our fault. Nobody teaches us how to really achieve what we set out to do. They don’t teach us how to make smart objectives.

Fortunately, there are other ways to set goals so that you can actually achieve them.

Bonus: Want to know how to make as much money as you want and live life on your terms? Download my FREE Ultimate Guide to Making Money

Examples of turning bad goals to good goals

EXAMPLE #1: HEALTH

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I want to get fit.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to lose 10lbs.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to eat 3 healthy meals per week and go to the gym 2x/week for 15 minutes.”

Notice how we’re focusing on the process at first, and starting off conservative: Anyone can eat just 3 healthy meals in a week. And anyone can go to the gym for 15 minutes. Set yourself up to win.

Here’s how this looks for other big goals:

EXAMPLE #2: FINANCES

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I need to get better with money.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to save $1,000 this year.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to have $40 per paycheck automatically transferred to my vacation savings fund for 1 year.”

EXAMPLE #3: SOCIAL SKILLS

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I want to have better social skills.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to work on my storytelling so I’m not so awkward at parties.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to take the improv class in my city every Monday night for 6 weeks.”

There’s a simple formula for transforming big goals into actionable steps…

Bonus: Want to finally start getting paid what you’re worth? I show you exactly how in my Ultimate Guide to Getting a Raise and Boosting Your Salary

What are SMART goals?

SMART goals are the cure for vague, aimless New Year’s resolution goals like:

“I want to go to the gym every day.”

“I want to get rich.”

“I want to travel more.”

On the surface, they all seem like good goals. However, they fall prey to the big three sins of goal-setting:

They unspecific. Sure, you “want to travel more,” but what does that really mean? When are you going to get it done? Where are you going to go? Vagueness is the enemy of good goal-setting.

Setting a SMART goal will help you avoid all of these pitfalls. Let’s breakdown how to do it.

SMART Objectives are:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Relevant

Time-oriented

So how do you convert a goal like “get fit” into a SMART objective?

I created this checklist to use every time you have a new goal.

Checklist for writing a SMART Objective

Specific: What is the precise outcome I’m looking for?

What will you achieve?

What does it look like? (What do you see in your mind when you picture yourself working towards your goal?)

What is the action step?

Measurable: How will I know I’ve accomplished the goal?

You need to be able to answer the question, “Did I get it done? If not, how much further do I have to go?”

How will you know when it is done?

What are some objective benchmarks you can hit along the way?

Would someone else be able to tell that it’s complete?

Is it quantifiable?

Attainable: How realistic is this goal?

Are there available resources to achieve the objective?

Do you need a gym membership, a new bank account, new clothes?

Am I set up to do this even when I don’t have “motivation”?

Are there any time or money constraints that need to be considered? Am I being too ambitious to start out? (Remember you can always be more aggressive with your goal later on.)

Relevant: Is this a priority in my life right now?

Why am I doing this?

Is this a priority for me?

Will it compete with other goals in my life?

Time-oriented: When will I be finished with the goal?

Give yourself a deadline to reassess your goal. And put it on the calendar! I like to re-evaluate my goals every 3-months to make sure they are still Attainable and Relevant.

Is there a deadline?

Did I put it on the calendar?

Will I know in 3 months if I’m on the right track?

Bonus: Want to fire your boss and start your dream business? Download my FREE Ultimate Guide to Business.

SMART Goal Examples

Using this framework, you’ll be able to turn any vague lofty goal into an actionable SMART goal.

For instance:

Bad goal: “I want to be healthier.”

Why it’s bad: It’s vague and not measurable. How do you know when you’re healthier?

SMART goal: “I want to eat three low-fat, low-calorie meals per week and go to the gym at least once a week.”

Now do the same for your goal. How can you make it specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-oriented?

Actually achieve your goals with habit loops

Once you’ve set a SMART goal, habits are the systematized solution to making sure you follow through and actually achieve your goal.

According to Charles Duhigg, habit expert and author of The Power of Habit, every habit you build has three parts to it:

Cue. This is the trigger for a behavior.

Routine. This is the behavior in action.

Reward. This is the benefit you receive from the behavior.

Altogether, this creates something called a “Habit Loop,” which allows your habits to stick.

And at the heart of any good Habit Loop is a good reward. In fact, it might just be the most important aspect of building good habits.

That’s because it has the biggest impact on whether or not we stick with the behavior.

Let’s take a look at an example: Working out.

A typical approach to this might look like this:

You go to the gym.

You work out on the machines for 30 minutes.

You go home.

Here’s what it would look like if you implemented the Habit Loop:

Cue. You head to the gym when you wake up.

Routine. You work out at the gym.

Reward. You get a delicious breakfast when you’re done.

See the difference? One will likely result in you giving up the habit after a few weeks (or even days), while the other greatly boosts your chances because you’re rewarded for your behavior.

It subverts having to rely on willpower, because you reward yourself for achieving your goals.

THAT’S the power of a good reward.

Of course, it can work negatively for you as well. For example, smoking cigarettes.

A habitual, pack-a-day smoker is someone who has ingrained a Habit Loop that causes them to smoke cigarettes. Here’s what that Loop looks like:

Cue. You wake up, or it’s lunch time, or work just got done, or you’re stressed — most anything can be a cue for smokers.

Routine. You smoke a cigarette.

Reward. You receive a euphoric buzz from nicotine.

Bonus Tip: Use a Commitment Device

A commitment device is a method of locking yourself into a habit or behavior that you might otherwise not want to do.

And there are essentially two types of commitment devices:

For example:

Listening to your favorite podcast while you work out.

Watching a show on Netflix while you clean your living room.

Drinking your favorite soda while you’re washing your dishes.

For example:

Telling a friend that you’ll give them $100 if you don’t go to the gym every day for a month.

Unplugging your television so you won’t be tempted to watch it.

Throwing away all of your junk food in order to eat healthily.

Build habits for life

To accomplish any goal, you need to establish good habits.

To help you crush any goal you set out for yourself, we want to offer you something we’ve worked on to get you there:The Ultimate Guide to Habits: Peak Performance Made Easy

In it, you’ll learn the actionable steps to crush any goal through smart habits, including:

How to set goals — the RIGHT way

How to create and implement winning keystone habits

How to make any habit last forever

Just enter your name and email below and I’ll send it straight to your inbox.

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How to set SMART Goals (and win BIG this year) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Finance https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/smart-objectives/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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paulckrueger · 3 years

Text

How to set SMART Goals (and win BIG this year)

Let’s be honest: people suck at goal setting.

Even when we really want to do something, we have a hard time achieving it.

(Need proof? Just consider that the vast majority of New Year’s resolutions fail by February.)

But, it’s not our fault. Nobody teaches us how to really achieve what we set out to do. They don’t teach us how to make smart objectives.

Fortunately, there are other ways to set goals so that you can actually achieve them.

Bonus: Want to know how to make as much money as you want and live life on your terms? Download my FREE Ultimate Guide to Making Money

Examples of turning bad goals to good goals

EXAMPLE #1: HEALTH

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I want to get fit.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to lose 10lbs.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to eat 3 healthy meals per week and go to the gym 2x/week for 15 minutes.”

Notice how we’re focusing on the process at first, and starting off conservative: Anyone can eat just 3 healthy meals in a week. And anyone can go to the gym for 15 minutes. Set yourself up to win.

Here’s how this looks for other big goals:

EXAMPLE #2: FINANCES

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I need to get better with money.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to save $1,000 this year.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to have $40 per paycheck automatically transferred to my vacation savings fund for 1 year.”

EXAMPLE #3: SOCIAL SKILLS

TERRIBLE GOAL: “I want to have better social skills.”

BAD GOAL: “I want to work on my storytelling so I’m not so awkward at parties.”

GOOD GOAL: “I want to take the improv class in my city every Monday night for 6 weeks.”

There’s a simple formula for transforming big goals into actionable steps…

Bonus: Want to finally start getting paid what you’re worth? I show you exactly how in my Ultimate Guide to Getting a Raise and Boosting Your Salary

What are SMART goals?

SMART goals are the cure for vague, aimless New Year’s resolution goals like:

“I want to go to the gym every day.”

“I want to get rich.”

“I want to travel more.”

On the surface, they all seem like good goals. However, they fall prey to the big three sins of goal-setting:

They unspecific. Sure, you “want to travel more,” but what does that really mean? When are you going to get it done? Where are you going to go? Vagueness is the enemy of good goal-setting.

Setting a SMART goal will help you avoid all of these pitfalls. Let’s breakdown how to do it.

SMART Objectives are:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Relevant

Time-oriented

So how do you convert a goal like “get fit” into a SMART objective?

I created this checklist to use every time you have a new goal.

Checklist for writing a SMART Objective

Specific: What is the precise outcome I’m looking for?

What will you achieve?

What does it look like? (What do you see in your mind when you picture yourself working towards your goal?)

What is the action step?

Measurable: How will I know I’ve accomplished the goal?

You need to be able to answer the question, “Did I get it done? If not, how much further do I have to go?”

How will you know when it is done?

What are some objective benchmarks you can hit along the way?

Would someone else be able to tell that it’s complete?

Is it quantifiable?

Attainable: How realistic is this goal?

Are there available resources to achieve the objective?

Do you need a gym membership, a new bank account, new clothes?

Am I set up to do this even when I don’t have “motivation”?

Are there any time or money constraints that need to be considered? Am I being too ambitious to start out? (Remember you can always be more aggressive with your goal later on.)

Relevant: Is this a priority in my life right now?

Why am I doing this?

Is this a priority for me?

Will it compete with other goals in my life?

Time-oriented: When will I be finished with the goal?

Give yourself a deadline to reassess your goal. And put it on the calendar! I like to re-evaluate my goals every 3-months to make sure they are still Attainable and Relevant.

Is there a deadline?

Did I put it on the calendar?

Will I know in 3 months if I’m on the right track?

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SMART Goal Examples

Using this framework, you’ll be able to turn any vague lofty goal into an actionable SMART goal.

For instance:

Bad goal: “I want to be healthier.”

Why it’s bad: It’s vague and not measurable. How do you know when you’re healthier?

SMART goal: “I want to eat three low-fat, low-calorie meals per week and go to the gym at least once a week.”

Now do the same for your goal. How can you make it specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-oriented?

Actually achieve your goals with habit loops

Once you’ve set a SMART goal, habits are the systematized solution to making sure you follow through and actually achieve your goal.

According to Charles Duhigg, habit expert and author of The Power of Habit, every habit you build has three parts to it:

Cue. This is the trigger for a behavior.

Routine. This is the behavior in action.

Reward. This is the benefit you receive from the behavior.

Altogether, this creates something called a “Habit Loop,” which allows your habits to stick.

And at the heart of any good Habit Loop is a good reward. In fact, it might just be the most important aspect of building good habits.

That’s because it has the biggest impact on whether or not we stick with the behavior.

Let’s take a look at an example: Working out.

A typical approach to this might look like this:

You go to the gym.

You work out on the machines for 30 minutes.

You go home.

Here’s what it would look like if you implemented the Habit Loop:

Cue. You head to the gym when you wake up.

Routine. You work out at the gym.

Reward. You get a delicious breakfast when you’re done.

See the difference? One will likely result in you giving up the habit after a few weeks (or even days), while the other greatly boosts your chances because you’re rewarded for your behavior.

It subverts having to rely on willpower, because you reward yourself for achieving your goals.

THAT’S the power of a good reward.

Of course, it can work negatively for you as well. For example, smoking cigarettes.

A habitual, pack-a-day smoker is someone who has ingrained a Habit Loop that causes them to smoke cigarettes. Here’s what that Loop looks like:

Cue. You wake up, or it’s lunch time, or work just got done, or you’re stressed — most anything can be a cue for smokers.

Routine. You smoke a cigarette.

Reward. You receive a euphoric buzz from nicotine.

Bonus Tip: Use a Commitment Device

A commitment device is a method of locking yourself into a habit or behavior that you might otherwise not want to do.

And there are essentially two types of commitment devices:

For example:

Listening to your favorite podcast while you work out.

Watching a show on Netflix while you clean your living room.

Drinking your favorite soda while you’re washing your dishes.

For example:

Telling a friend that you’ll give them $100 if you don’t go to the gym every day for a month.

Unplugging your television so you won’t be tempted to watch it.

Throwing away all of your junk food in order to eat healthily.

Build habits for life

To accomplish any goal, you need to establish good habits.

To help you crush any goal you set out for yourself, we want to offer you something we’ve worked on to get you there:The Ultimate Guide to Habits: Peak Performance Made Easy

In it, you’ll learn the actionable steps to crush any goal through smart habits, including:

How to set goals — the RIGHT way

How to create and implement winning keystone habits

How to make any habit last forever

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How to set SMART Goals (and win BIG this year) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Surety Bond Brokers? Business https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/smart-objectives/

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