#being the one who wipes his memory. she has so much personal baggage about that. it's going to weigh on her.

[commsroom]

the scene at the end of who's there?: eiffel is cut off mid-sentence (addressing minkowski), minkowski calls his name twice, and hera says, "commander... he's not showing up on any of my scans. he's gone." vs. brave new world: eiffel is cut off mid-sentence (addressing hera), minkowski calls his name twice, and hera says, "he's... commander, he's gone." in idle hands, eiffel regaining his autonomy ("hera, it's me. i'm me again.") is described: "there's a SOFT WOOSH, and eiffel's eyes go from spaced out to sharp focus." in brave new world, eiffel losing his memory is described: "there's a SOFT WOOSH, and his eyes go glassy." in mayday, hera's voice is the last one eiffel hears, the last voice in his head trying to keep him from giving up when he's sure he's about to die. in brave new world, eiffel loses his memory mid-thought while addressing hera, and so she was his last memory, the last thing on his mind. whatever. whatever.

#wolf 359 #w359 #doug eiffel #hera wolf 359 #eiffera #? well sort of #the cycle of hera losing him and getting him back and in some ways being the one to bring him back and then #being the one who wipes his memory. she has so much personal baggage about that. it's going to weigh on her. #and i won't get into my thoughts about eiffel regaining his memory because i've done that many other times #but i think like. if he didn't. if he doesn't. i don't know if hera will ever really believe it isn't possible. #because of all the ways she's lost him before and the ways he's come back. despite everything. well anyway. #i have more substantial things i could write but i've been having a wretched terrible month. be patient with me.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

#if you told me i'd be doing this in 2020 three weeks ago i'd have laughed in your face :/ #deancas #supernatural #fic recs #spn femslash #destiel #fic #the alie tag #spn posting

[thefanficmonster]

Deep Breaths

Valkyrae x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Panic Attack, Mentions of past domestic abuse, Mentions of alcohol and drug abuse, Swearing

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst to Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having received a call from the correctional facility where their alcoholic/drug addict mother is being kept, Y/N gets some intense nightmarish flashbacks to a time that still haunts them despite a decade having passed. Luckily their girlfriend Rae is there to comfort therm.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your lovely request, I hope I captured what you wanted to read! Sorry it has taken me so long to complete and post the fic, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Love, Vy ❤

“Hey Y/N, I-“ One step in the living room and that’s all it took for Rae to pick up on the melancholic mood in the room. 

Her partner hasn’t even noticed she’s entered. Instead, they are sitting hunched over on the couch, elbows on knees, hand seeking their hands’ support to stay upright and their eyes hiding a thousand yard stare that’s got Rae worried sick.

“Babe, what’s wrong?“ She asks softly, inching closer to the couch to take a seat next to Y/N, “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?“

Through the fog surrounding their brain, they somehow manage to catch onto Rae’s words, forcing themself to give her at least a nod in response as to not scare her with their unresponsiveness. They can’t bring themselves to speak, it’s too hard on them to even think of what to say let alone spit it out, especially when their chest feels like it’s caught fire and their mind is still going haywire, heartbeat thumping in their ears as the adrenaline rush refuses to cease.

“Hey, look at me...“ Instead of sitting down, Rae ducks down in front of Y/N, taking their hands in hers, almost wincing at how cold they were. “Tell me what’s bothering you, baby.“

The girl is trying her best not to freak out or lose her cool, despite her already quickened heartbeat she can hear in her ears. She has every right to be reacting the way she is. Her permanently happy, bubbly, optimistic and cheerful partner who always seems to be as energized as though they’d just had a gallon of coffee is now a pale ghost sitting statue-still, staring off into the void with eyes that look empty yet terrified simultaneously.

Y/N’s mouth falls open as though they want to say something but the words die out somewhere along the way, refusing to leave their mouth and give them the relief of sharing their pain with the only person they trust limitlessly.  “I-...“ They finally manage to find their voice though their gaze is still avoiding hers, “I got a call from the correctional facility where....” They trail off, a bitter taste forming in their mouth, making their stomach turn and bite the inside of their cheek as they feel the urge to throw up start to become unbearable. “She wants to s-see me...”

They don’t need to say anything else, Rae’s already connected the dots and her complexion has gone just as pale as theirs. She knows how sensitive and triggering this topic is for Y/N, how many bad memories are tied to this one person in their life. To make matters worse, they’re the one person who was supposed to take care of them yet she couldn’t even take care of herself - Y/N’s mother.

Rae distinctly remembers the night Y/N told her the truth about their family life - or the lack thereof - almost a year since the two had started dating. Rae never questioned their secretiveness and respected their privacy enough not to ask about it, patiently waiting for them to tell her on their own time and own terms. It was no secret even from the very start that Y/N had a very hard time connecting to people and trusting them. It took them maybe two or so months to be able to call their now-girlfriend a friend instead of an acquaintance. Rae didn’t question that too, didn’t push to pursue a friendship with them since, from her point of view, they were already her friend, so she patiently waited for them to come around and start trusting her enough to accept her within their tightknit circle of trusted people called ‘friends’. 

Things progressed from purely platonic to sweetly romantic a little more quickly which pleasantly surprised Rae. The two were quick to grow to be inseparable though that didn’t mean Y/N gave up all their secrets. The darkest one, which happens to be this one regarding their mother, is the one they hid the longest and the last one they had to share with their girlfriend.  The night they did tell it was a very emotional one: plenty of tears were shed by both Y/N and Rae but luckily they had each other’s embrace to seek comfort in and protect themselves from the ghosts and demons of a past Y/N spent so much time running away from.

An abusive parent is not a bit of baggage you can just get rid of. It’s something that weighs so heavy on you and is such a big part of who you are that you can feel it as a part of you. It haunts you no matter how much you try to run or hide. It’s not something you can shake off or forget. You might have physical and visible scars from the time spent with said parent or the trauma can be entirely psychological - regardless, it lives within you. Follows you around, raises questions you’re not sure you want answered, degrades you - making it seem like what happened was your fault in one way or another - it destroys you slowly very time something triggers a memory of that time, be it a simple conversation that has nothing to do with the subject or be it the glimpse you accidentally catch in the mirror of a scar on your body - a scar you remember being inflicted on you like it was yesterday.

That’s how Y/N’s been living. Feeling responsible, feeling unloved, feeling chained to their past. They’ve done all in their power to appear unbothered and let it be visible, not even when around Rae since they don’t want to worry her.

But seeing as their past has caught up to them now and they inevitably have to face it, they’re forced to let it show, they couldn’t hold it in even if they tried. Although they don’t wanna play the unbothered, unfazed part any longer. They have been strong on their own for far too long and it’s taken a toll on them. If they keep up with the act, they’ll be completely and utterly crushed.

Not that they’re feeling any better at the moment.

“Stay with me, Y/N. Stay with me. Keep your eyes on me, ok? Take deep breaths. Deep breaths, baby. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. It’s ok. You’re ok.“ Their short-circuiting brain has been spasming under the influence of the adrenaline, anxiety and panic brought on by the memories of every time they felt small and helpless while at the merciless hand of their alcoholic, drug addict abusive mother, begging to be spared the pain of being hit with whatever object the deranged woman could get her hands on - yet somehow, Rae’s voice still reaches them through all that messy dark fog. “Come on, Y/N, stay with me ok? Please don’t do this, I’m right here, there’s no need to be afraid,”

“I...“ they can barely hear their own voice over the racing of their heart, “I don’t...I don’t wanna go....“ is all they manage to say, a tear falling from their eye.

“It’s ok, we don’t have to go. We won’t go. Your mental health is the most important thing here, Y/N. We’re not going and that’s final.“ Rae replies vigorously, tightening her hold on Y/N’s hands.

Despite the state they’re in, Y/N can’t help but take notice of the use of the word ‘we’, Rae’s reminder that they are not alone, that she’s there for them and will not let them go into this alone. That brings a small smile to their face, calming their heart and panic ever so slightly, “N-no, I have to. It...it’ll help me.” They sigh before attempting to express themself again, “It’ll give me...closure, I guess.”

Seeing that Y/N’s doing a bit better, Rae’s hand move to cup their face instead, pushing the stray strands of hair away for their features to be full exposed to her, especially their eyes, “Are you sure you want that? Can you handle it? It’s not supposed to be your obligation, Y/N. I mean, the woman’s a monster and she hasn’t even thought to contact you in half a decade, and now she suddenly wants to get back in contact? She has the audacity to disturb you after all this time? You don’t have to agree to this, Y/N.”

Y/N shakes their head, “No, no, I want to. I want to agree to this. I want to live a normal life, Rae. I want to leave her and all she did to me behind. And I can’t do that if I keep running away. What happens when I stop to catch my breath? It still catches up to me like I made no progress whatsoever. That’s not a way to live, not the way I wanna live, at least.”

Rae nods slowly, fully understanding what Y/N is referring to. She maybe hasn’t said anything about it ever, but she’s always seen that little bit of darkness behind the happiness and excitement Y/N always displayed. Rae’s heart ached every time she caught glimpse of those little signs Y/N was putting on a performance while actually hurting on the inside. 

And if a meeting with their mother was what would help them finally fully embrace a happy life, then who was she to stop them.

“Ok.“ The girl sighs, “Ok, we’ll go see her, but only if you’re 100% sure you’ll be able to handle it.“

They shake their head again, sighing with unease, “I can never be 100% sure, my emotions have a tendency of being unpredictable so I’ll just have to pray I don’t have a breakdown or a panic attack.”

Rae swipes her thumb over their cheekbone wiping the tear that just escaped their eye, “If you do, don’t worry, I’ll be right there. You know the drill: squeeze my hand, take deep breaths and most importantly, don’t forget I’m there for you. Ok?”

Y/N nods their head, the small smile reappearing on their face. They squeeze Rae’s hand and take a long inhale. “Hand squeeze, deep breaths, noted.” They say when their eyes meet hers, “Thank you so much, Rae. Thank you so much for putting up with me and all my shit and thank you so much for never giving up on me no matter how much work I am or how hard dealing with me and my demons becomes.”

Rae’s heart stings at Y/N’s words, tears brimming her eyes when she raises a bit on her knees to press her lips against Y/N’s forehead. “Don’t thank me, angel. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and I never want to get gratitude for it. Love doesn’t ask for gratitude, and neither do I.”

Y/N lets out a small laugh to cover up an emotional sob that escapes their lungs. “I love you, Rae.” They say with a trembling voice.

“I love you too, Y/N.“

This time, the Y/N’s lips met the lips of their girlfriend, reminding themself that their safe haven isn’t a place, it’s a person - their girlfriend who means the world to them.

#valkyrae #valkyrae x reader #valkyrae x y/n #valkyrae fanfic #valky #rae #rae x y/n #rae x reader #valkyrae imagine #rae imagine #rae fanfic #rae fic #valkyrae fanfiction #rae fanfiction #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #fandom #fluff #comfort #angst #requests open #request #x reader #reader

[doctorstethoscope]

The Right Chapter 17 || Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader

Hello my loves, just a reminder that I am still on vacation so the queue is posting this! Will respond to ur taglist requests and messages ASAP love u all :) 

Read previous chapters of this fic here!

contains: canon-typical descriptions of death, violence, drug use

wordcount: 2k

You and Aaron each read Jack a book of his choosing before tucking him into bed and heading towards Aaron’s bedroom together. Bringing your pajamas into the bathroom, you change and brush your teeth with the door closed, which feels silly, given everything, but you can’t help it.  Aaron slips into the bathroom as you step out, and you sit on top of the covers, hands folded in your lap, anxiously awaiting his return. 

“What’s going on, sweetheart?” he asks, clocking your anxiety immediately. 

“Nothing, I just feel bad that I got us caught by Jack,” you confessed, looking down at the comforter. 

“I couldn’t be less upset about that,” he assures you, climbing into bed beside you and taking your hand in his. “I mean, he practically told us that he already knew, even if he was a little confused.” 

“That was the other thing-- sorry that marriage and all of that got brought up. I’m sure that was---”

“I’m not upset about that, either.” He interrupts you. “Did I do something to make you think I was upset?”

“No, no,” you assured him. “It’s just kind of early for that kind of stuff, I’m sure it was uncomfortable--”

“It wasn’t uncomfortable. Apparently I’ve done a bad job of expressing how strongly I care for you, and I’m sorry for that.” You go to interrupt, but he cuts you off. “I couldn’t be happier that Jack knows how much I love you. Sharing that with our people-- my son, and our team-- is not something you need to apologize for, or something I’m ashamed of. I’m thrilled to be able to love you openly. No more apologies, okay?” 

Your breath caught just a little, but you hold it together. “No more apologies,” you agreed. “Aaron, it’s such a privilege to be loved by you,” you whispered, needing him to know how much his words meant to you but scared to ruin the moment. Aaron just shook his head, leaning to press a kiss to the top of your head. 

“The pleasure’s all mine,” he whispers into your hair, and you close your eyes, letting the peace of his touch overwhelm you. 

“There’s one more thing,” you said, after a moment. 

“And it’s not an apology?” Aaron checks. 

“No, it’s not an apology,” you assure him. “I wanted to thank you for sharing those pictures with Jack and me tonight. I’m sure it was emotional, but I was glad to see them. You love Haley so much. Thank you for sharing her memory with me.” 

“She was the reason I got up in the morning, from the day I met her until the day she died.” Aaron tells you, and you squeeze his hand.

“Everyone knew how much you loved her, Aaron. Even after the divorce, there wasn’t a single person at the bureau who knew a man who loved his wife that much.” You assured him.

“But it wasn’t enough. I failed her, and I could fail you too.”

“No, Aaron, no you didn’t. You promised to love her for as long as you lived, and you didn’t break that promise. You didn’t promise her you’d never change, and she never promised you that she’d never change. You both changed, but you never stopped loving each other.” You told him.

“How did you know? How did you know that I never stopped loving her? Didn’t that scare you out of loving me?’ Aaron whispered. 

“Aaron, the way you love her shows in everything you do. You never took a picture of her down, even after the divorce, when I’m sure they were painful to look at. You always let her know you were safe at night, and when she left you, you helped her move and made sure she had everything you needed.” 

“And that doesn’t scare you? That even when she left me, I still loved her?” 

“No, Aaron, it doesn’t scare me. That’s how I feel about you, so I understand.” 

“You don’t mean that,” Aaron says immediately-- how could you mean that? When Haley was so refined, so beautiful, so compassionate, and he was just a man, a man with baggage and trauma and a dark past?

“Of course I do, Aaron. I never told you this, and I might be selfish in telling you now-- but in the weeks after Haley died, I went to bed at night praying that time would move backwards and that I could take her place. I’d do anything to get her back to you, even if it meant that you and I never made it here.” 

“It’s an incredible privilege to be loved by you,” Aaron echoes your earlier statement, and you smile.

When you wake up the next morning, you realize that you’re never going to get a good night’s sleep without Aaron beside you again, and you love him and hate him for it in equal measure. Your anger is quickly forgotten when he rolls over and starts planting kisses across your face. 

“We have to get Jack to school,” you reminded him with a smile between kisses.

“We’ve got time,” he brushes you off. 

“You’ve got time, maybe. My hair is a mess from napping on your couch and I have to do my makeup,” you reminded him, planting one final kiss on his lips before rolling out of bed and heading towards the bathroom.

When you’ve gotten yourself ready for the day, you make your way out to the kitchen, were Jack is sitting in front of a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of orange juice. 

“Morning, little man,” you said, ruffling his hair and smoothing it back down as you sat in the seat next to him. Aaron crosses the kitchen with two plates, putting a piece of toast with peanut butter and banana slices in front of you, and one on his own placemat. 

“Thanks, honey,” You smile, taking a bite of your breakfast as he sits.

“Dad? Can we go to the soccer field tonight after work?” Jack asks as his father settles in.

“I can’t promise tonight, but we can definitely go this week, okay bud?” 

“Okay.” 

“Finish your breakfast, kiddo, or you’re gonna be late,” you told him, taking your plate to the sink and prepping travel mugs of coffee for you and Aaron, who shepherds Jack through the last few steps of getting out the door. You follow them down to the car and Aaron drives down the road to Jack’s school. You sit in the carpool line for a minute, listening to Jack point out his friends as they walk into the building, before Aaron pulls up to the curb and it’s Jack’s turn to get out. Aaron rolls down the window as Jack collects his things. 

“It’s good to see you, Mr. Hotchner,” a peppy brunette woman who you’re pretty sure is Jack’s teacher ducks down to make eye contact with Aaron through the window.

“Good morning, Ms. Meadows.”

‘Oh, and who’s this?” Ms. Meadows says, taking note of you for the first time. Aaron introduces the two of you, and you notice her looking you up and down, almost sizing you up. 

“Nice to meet you,” she says perfunctorily, turning her attention back to Aaron almost in an instant. “Did Jack tell you about the volunteer sign ups for the kids’ talent show?” 

“He did, I think his Aunt Jess--”

“Oh, that’s right, Jess did mention to me that she’d be here!” Ms. Meadows interrupts. “I guess I was just hoping to get some strong FBI dads in the building to help set up the stage equipment,” she pouts, and you briefly entertain the thought of leaning over the center console and wiping the pleading look across her face. 

“Well, I’ll see what I can do,” Aaron says, blissfully interrupted by Jack waiting to give him and you a kiss goodbye. The two of you kiss both of his cheeks, and he hops out of the backseat and takes off towards the main entrance. 

“She was pleasant,” you note sarcastically when Aaron pulls out of the parking lot.

“What do you mean?” Aaron asked, looking over at you briefly, his nose scrunched up in confusion. 

“She’s clearly into you, Aaron.” You said, knowing it was obvious and he was just being oblivious. 

“What? No she’s not,” Aaron shook his head. 

“Oh, Mr. Hotchner, please come save me from the Woodbridge Elementary School talent show. I need your big, strong muscles to move all this heavy equipment because I’m just a docile young lady,” you mimicked Jack’s teacher in an exaggerated tone. 

“Now, if she had said that, then maybe I would have thought she was into me,” Aaron laughs at your dramatics. 

“She gave me a nasty look. She doesn’t like that she has competition.” You argue. 

“She doesn’t have competition. I mean, there is no competition. There’s just you, and that’s how I like it,” he said, taking one hand off the steering wheel to grab yours and bring it to his lips. 

Garcia is waiting for you both in Aaron’s office when you arrive at work.

“Is everything okay?” You ask her immediately, feeling Aaron shift his body towards yours.

“I finished digging up everything I could on Josh, if you want to see it.” She tells you both, and you look at Aaron. Truth be told, you don’t really want to know, but being disgusted and informed is probably better than being uninformed and caught off guard. 

“Come on, we’ll go review it in your office.” Aaron said, stepping aside to let Garcia lead the way. Once she is a few paces ahead, he leans down to whisper in your ear. “I’ve got you. You’re safe, and you just tell me if you need to take a break, okay?”

You nodded, and Aaron place a comforting hand on your back as the two of you made your way down to the batcave. 

“Okay, so, just going through the highlights,” Garcia starts, clicking at tabs and pulling them up on her assortment of monitors throughout the room.  “Starting a few weeks before you left, I noticed that Josh was calling and texting the same number a lot-- but only when you all were off fighting crime. Of course, I assumed that this absolute peach of a man had somehow conned not one but two women who had to be decidedly out of his league, but it turns out that wasn’t the case. He’s been doing coke, and the number leads to his dealer.” 

“Fuck, again?” You interrupted her.

“He was doing coke when the two of you were together?” Aaron asked, surprised. 

“Not for a while, or so I thought. The coke was what made him violent-- I told him it was the drugs or me, and when he told me that he’d picked me, I believed him.” You explained. “He must have been high when he showed up that night-- he was always an asshole but showing up like that was out of character.” 

“So, with you out of the picture, it seems like the coke usage has increased a lot. Like, from a weekly to a daily thing, a lot. He’s going out at night, racking massive credit card debt. He hasn’t purchased a firearm or anything that indicates that he might be planning something violent, but he’s definitely acting impulsive.” 

“Was he sober or high when he sent the flowers?” Aaron asks. 

“Sir, I don’t think he’s been sober since you took all of her stuff out of the apartment,” Garcia responds. 

“He’s only going to get more aggressive and out-of-touch with reality the longer this bender lasts,” you note, clinically, as if you were talking about a case halfway across the country and as if your future wasn’t hanging in the balance. 

“We’ll keep an eye on it, and we’ll be ready. Garcia, can you print out a full copy of this and get it on my desk?” 

“Are you sure? The full copy is really long, it’s got to be--” 

“I’m sure, Garcia. Thank you.”  

tagging:  @hotforhotchner11      @romanogersendgame @wanniiieeee      @zheezs14      @greeneyedblondie44 @angelic-kisses13  @baumarvel @ssamorganhotchner  @ijustwannaread2k19    @rexit-mo @msmarvelsmain @qtip-blog @averyhotchner  @the-modernmary @itsmytimetoodream @choppa-style @infinite-tides @isthatme-thatsme @g-l-pierce @bakugouswh0r3 @ssahotchie

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x you #hotch x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #hotch x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fic

[extasiswings]

Get in, clowns.  We’re going to the circus.  On ao3.

Eddie’s palms are sweaty.

It’s warm outside, the sun beating down on the park bench where he’s sitting, but it’s the nerves that have his hands clammy as he turns his water bottle over between them.  

When Buck had walked in the house earlier, he’d taken one look at Eddie and rolled his eyes before shoving him back into his bedroom.

“You can’t wear that,” Buck said, rifling through Eddie’s dresser.  He emerged with Eddie’s tightest pair of jeans and shoved them at his chest before turning to the drawers with shirts.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Eddie asked, baffled as he looked down at himself and then, skeptically, at the jeans.

“You look like a dad.”  Buck’s voice went muffled for a moment before he made a noise of victory and pulled out a deep red, long-sleeved shirt that Eddie’s pretty sure is at least a size too small. 

“Kind of hard not to.  Since I am one and all.  That’s not exactly a secret.”

“Yeah, but you can look like a hot dad who is making an effort instead of a regular dad going to the grocery store or something.  You’ll thank me later.”  

After Eddie had changed and walked out of the bathroom, Buck’s face shifted—Eddie could have sworn his eyes darkened, that his voice was rougher as he pronounced Eddie much better.

So Eddie knows he looks good.

But his palms are still sweaty.  He uncaps the water bottle and takes a sip more to have something to do than because he needs it.  And then he starts drumming his fingers against his thigh, needing something to occupy them, some way to move.  

He’s tempted to pull out his phone, to reread the latest texts from Bobby or even the shameless teasing in the group text that Buck started with his sisters—and boy, was that a mistake, putting the three of them in touch, because Eddie never in a million years would have told them he was going on a date if he hadn’t done it by accident because Buck’s direct messages happened to be right below the group—

He’s still not sure he should be, is the thing.  Dating.  He still feels like he can’t quite breathe right when he thinks too hard about it.  Can still play that last dinner with Shannon over on loop, from her asking for a divorce to the implication that really being with him again would be so terrible she would have to run for the hills and leave their child behind.

He didn’t exactly have great self-esteem to begin with.

Eddie wipes his palms on his jeans—he’s in the middle of debating whether it’s bad parenting to make up an emergency involving your kid to get out of a date, when—

“Eddie!  Hi,” Ana greets, walking up the path.  

The anxiety in his chest twists tighter as he gets up from the bench and waves.

“Hey.  You, uh—you look really nice,” he says, because it’s true and also the easiest thing he can remember from the last time he did this.  

Ana smiles.  “So do you.”

There’s a pause that lingers a little too long and then they both start trying to speak at once, cutting off abruptly when they realize.  Eddie rubs self-consciously at the back of his neck.

“Should we walk?” Ana offers, nodding down the path where it leads into the trees.

“Sure, yeah,” Eddie agrees.  

It’s actually not...bad.  She asks him about work and that’s a safe enough topic that he’s comfortable spending a few minutes telling her stories from the station.  She shares a little about the challenges of virtual teaching.  And then she asks about Chris, and, well, that’s an easy subject—Eddie could talk about Chris all day.  

He just finishes the story about the actual building of Christopher’s skateboard—which involved no small amount of comical trial and error on the part of two decidedly not Chris-sized grown men—when Ana gets a thoughtful look on her face and glances sideways at him.

“Can I ask you something personal?”  She asks.

Eddie rocks back on his heels and hooks his thumbs in his pockets.  “Sure.”

“How long has it been for you?”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up.  “Since...the last time I dated?”

Ana nods.

“Well…” He wets his lips to stall.  “The last person I dated was my wife.  And I’m not sure it was really dating in the same way after we were married so...I guess...eleven years give or take?”

He laughs and he can hear the edge of self-deprecation.  “That obvious I’m out of practice?”

“No,” Ana says.  “No, that wasn’t—it’s really not actually. Although it does explain some things.”

“Things?”

She bites her lip.  “Nothing bad,” she insists.  “Just—”

“Have you ever been on a date where the other person talked about their ex the whole time and it was kind of obvious they still had feelings for them and you couldn’t help wondering why they weren’t with the ex when they clearly wanted to be?”  She asks.

Eddie blinks, scrolling back through their conversation trying to think—he’s pretty sure he hasn’t mentioned Shannon except for the once.  And he’s not still—

“In high school, maybe?” He answers.  “But I’m not sure—”

“I was trying to figure out if you and Buck ever dated,” she clarifies, and Eddie stops in his tracks, his mind shorting out as he takes that in.

“I—what?”

They’re back at the parking lot anyway, and although they could take another loop around the park, Ana stops by the closest bench and smiles as she leans against it.

“Look, I like you, Eddie,” she says.  “And if I’m totally off base and you want to see me again, I will definitely pick up the phone.  But if I’m not?  I couldn’t not say something.”

“Buck’s my best friend,” Eddie replies.  His head is swimming but it surprisingly doesn’t feel bad.  More like he’s been handed the clue card for a puzzle he was trying to solve and while the pieces haven’t quite come together fully, they’re getting there.

“You talk about him like he’s your partner.  Like the three of you are a family.  And when you talk about him you look like…”  Ana shakes her head and laughs, but it’s not unkind.  Just soft and maybe a little longing.  “I would love for someone to look like that when they’re talking about me.  Thinking about me.  So, I thought you should know.  Just in case you didn’t.”

Another puzzle piece falls into place and Eddie sucks in a breath.

“I do like you,” he says.

“Yeah...but you’re in love with him.  Right?”  Eddie’s quiet and Ana nods.

“I’m gonna go,” she decides.  “This was nice, for the record.  Maybe we can do it again.  As friends next time.”

“Ana—” Eddie calls after her.  When she looks back over her shoulder though, he’s not sure what to say except, “...thank you.”

“Let me know how it works out?” She asks.  “I’m a little invested now.”

Eddie laughs and runs a hand through his hair.  “Yeah...sure.”  

He drives home in a daze, so much of the past two years—maybe even longer—suddenly thrown into new light.  Everything he’s been afraid of, everything that’s been holding him back—all of the baggage and insecurities that Shannon left behind, that have made him feel like he’s not good enough, like he can’t be a partner to anyone—

He never stopped and looked too hard at what he already had.  What he was already doing.

What he has.  What he is doing.   

With Buck.

In the stark glare of hindsight, it’s easy to see—he was still married when they met, was worn down and bruised and not looking for anything.  He needed a friend and Buck slipped in to fill that void and Eddie...put him in a box.  Put them in a box.  Carefully compartmentalizing every aspect of his life because it was easier that way, because it allowed him to sort through the tangled knots of expectation from any number of other sides, any number of other identities—husband, father, son.

There was no baggage attached to friend.  No forgive and forget and take your wife back because kids need their mothers or you’ll drag him down with you or I wasn’t enough.

There was just...Buck.  Present.  Supportive.  Caring about him.  Believing in him.   The real him—masks off, walls down, warts and all.   

The longer Eddie thinks, the clearer things become.  His mind flips through memories like a scrapbook—panic attacks and phone calls at two in the morning, nights on the couch playing video games with Christopher and the slower, lingering moments with just the two of them after they put him to bed, all those months sharing a bed in Buck’s apartment while he despaired over being away from his son and Buck reminded him he was a good dad—

How many of those nights had Eddie wanted to kiss him?  How many times had he felt that buzz under his skin, the whisper of it would be so easy, only to shove it down because it was too dangerous to deal with.  

And when he thinks now about the future, about having someone in his home, in his bed, in his life, when he pictures it, all he can see is Buck.

It feels right.

“I love him,” Eddie says out loud, tasting the words on his tongue, letting them linger.

I love him.

His pulse spikes with his anxiety, but it calms down as he sits with it.  Because he knows Buck’s not going to leave.  He trusts that.  Buck’s seen him at his worst and none of that has ever driven him away.  So maybe…

Eddie’s mind flicks back to earlier in the day, to the dark heat in Buck’s gaze as it dragged over him before he looked away.

...yeah.  They’ll be okay.

He’s home before he even really registers and takes a few slow breaths before he shuts off the truck and gets out.  When he steps through the door, it’s a strange feeling.  The space is familiar but not.  More...settled somehow.  Home.

Home.

Eddie closes the door behind him and follows the sound of running water to the kitchen.  He stops in the doorway, leaning against the frame, and spends a moment just watching Buck scrub potatoes in the sink until the other man glances up and notices him.

“Hey,” Buck greets.  “Chris is reading in his room, I’m just working on dinner.  How was the date?”

God, I love you, Eddie thinks, and nearly has to bite his tongue to keep it to himself.

Yeah.  It’s right.

He shrugs.  “It was fine.  Ana’s nice.”

“When’s the next date then?”  There’s an odd note in Buck’s voice that makes Eddie push off the frame and step closer. 

“There’s not going to be one,” he replies.  “Ana’s nice...but I don’t want to date her.”

Buck stops.  Shuts off the water and turns, leaning back against the sink.

“No?”  Buck’s brow furrows.  “It’s not—do you still feel like you’re not ready?”

“No, it’s not that,” Eddie replies.  “I do think I’m ready.  But with the right person.”

His heart is pounding in his chest, but it’s not fear.  More...anticipation.  

He swallows hard.

“Ana said something that made me realize that...I don’t want to start from scratch with some stranger.”

Eddie takes another step closer and Buck inhales sharply, emotions shifting across his face too quickly for Eddie to name them all.

“Eddie…”  Buck sounds hoarse, a little disbelieving.  He leans forward for a moment before shaking his head, clearing his throat.

“I can’t—I need you to be specific,” he says.  “Because I can’t make assumptions here, I can’t—”

Eddie kisses him.  Steps in far enough that Buck’s body presses flush against his, slides his hand around the back of Buck’s neck, and kisses him.  Buck makes a small noise and grips him right back, his hands curving around Eddie’s hips nearly tight enough to bruise in sharp contrast to the way Eddie’s mouth feathers against his, soft as anything.  

“Specific enough?”  Eddie breathes, staying close enough that their lips brush again.  Buck surges up and uses his grip on Eddie’s hips to turn them, pinning Eddie against the counter as he kisses him again in response.  Once, twice, three times, and Eddie shivers.  

He hasn’t been kissed in so long, hasn’t been touched with intention like this—he’d forgotten what it felt like.  His body floods with heat as Buck’s hands slip under his shirt, spreading wide over his rib cage, and he parts his lips eagerly for Buck’s tongue.

Down the hall, a door closes, and Buck jumps back, Eddie slumping against the counter to keep himself upright.  Buck is flushed and panting and Eddie’s pretty sure he can’t look much better, too warm and electric, wanting, wanting, wanting—

Both of them catch their breath and watch the door, but Christopher doesn’t appear.  After a minute Eddie catches the faint sound of a toilet flushing and he looks back at Buck.  

And he laughs.  It bubbles up from his chest like champagne fizz, bright and warm and right, and apparently it’s contagious because Buck starts up as well, stepping in again and sliding his arms around Eddie’s waist, ducking his head to laugh breathlessly against Eddie’s neck.

When they calm down, Buck stays close, his lips feathering over Eddie’s pulse.  Eddie hums and closes his eyes as he tips his head back to give Buck better access.  

“I’m in love with you,” he says.  “In case that wasn’t clear.”

Buck’s lips curve up against Eddie’s skin.

“Well that’s convenient,” he replies.  “Since Chris was asking me earlier why you couldn’t just date me if you were going to date again.”

Eddie’s startled into another laugh.  “Really?”

“Really.”

Eddie grins and opens his eyes again.  “Hey Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“Go out with me?”

Buck snorts and pushes him out of the way so he can go back to the potatoes.  

“Help me finish getting dinner together and we’ll see.”  But the second Eddie turns away, Buck snags him by a belt loop and reels him back in for another kiss.

“Yes,” Buck says.  “Yes.”

And it’s right.           

#chapel writes #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie fic #911 fic

[dennou-translations]

Violet Evergarden: Booklet 2

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases. In case anyone is feeling generous, please consider donating to my Ko-fi or PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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I wanted that star. I wanted to be the person who would piece through that star.

   Leon Stephanotis and the First Star

   I had once seen a comet that only came around every two hundred years together with a girl.

It had happened years ago. That was one beautiful evening. Even now, I can still vividly recall the twinkling of the stars we watched on that day while our bodies shivered at the coldness of the nightly wind. Like jewels scattered over a dark canopy, the starry sky was enough to make one forget to even breathe. As it passed by, dragging its white tail, the meteor looked just like a fairy in flight with insect scales scattering about from her wings.

Whenever I looked at a beautiful night sky, I would think many times over, “Aah, now that I’ve branded this moment into my heart, I’d have no regrets if someone reaped my life away”. Should I lose my life, I wanted it to be on a starry night like that. I wanted to die with the memory of witnessing something stunning.

“May the night sky be a beautiful starry one on the day I die,” I wished.

But that one evening was a little bit different. Maybe because I had someone to watch the stars with me. Maybe because that was my first love.

She was a gorgeous person. Even more than the stars. Her hair looked like the Sun when shining under the moonlight and her blue eyes were like gemstones created from a mix of the sea and the sky. With her porcelain skin and skylark voice, the way she walked was just as that of a well-cared maiden. In reality, she was an orphaned ex-soldier, as well as an Auto-Memories Doll from a far-away southern country, so the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover” was pertinent when it came to her.

She was most likely an once-in-a-lifetime kind of person, one that you couldn’t know if you would ever get to meet.

My chest throbbed even at the sigh that leaked from her when she was peeking at the telescope. When she looked my way and smiled faintly, I experienced an impact as if I had been hit in the head, giving in to a love that made me feel like my whole body would melt and crumble down.

“Master, astronomical observations are quite a wonderful thing.”

If, by any chance, my body were to be crushed by a star in that moment, only on that day did I want to keep looking at something, even if for just one second more. I wanted to keep looking at her. Forever and ever, I wished. That was what I thought.

This encounter had changed my life and decided my fate. I didn’t mind if people laughed at that, calling me a romanticist. I, Leon Stephanotis, whose destiny had been altered, would always look back on it.

On the day that I had watched the stars with Violet Evergarden.

   “There was a sea of gold in his land” – who was it again that had sung the praises of a desert like this?

“I’m beat.”

When bookworms read too much, their head’s capacity would exceed the limit, so they would automatically forget the things they had read in their early phases. I had confidence in my memorization abilities and yet I couldn’t remember this, so it was surely a passage from an adventure novel or something of the sort that I had read in my childhood.

——What a beautiful comparison.

When I actually stood in the middle of a desert, my impressions were drawn to the temperatures, sunlight and other such things regarding the environment instead, so this poetic expression hadn’t crossed my mind. In the destinations of my travels, I often reminisced to a certain someone who was somewhere in this world, as well as the things she, who spoke words as beautiful as that, used to say, as if borrowing them.

“So pretty...”

I liked the color of gold. I could observe the grains of sand moving smoothly for all eternity.

“Everyone, you did well; the books we excavated will be brought back by another group. Meaning that we from the starting line-up are finally off for the first time in months.”

As I was spacing out, I didn’t hear the commander’s words very well. I was only staring at the ground, missing out on everything. When I raised my head, the happy-looking faces of my bearded and somewhat dirty colleagues entered my eyes. All I understood right away was that we would get a vacation.

“After we get twenty days off, we’ll regroup in Iustitia, at Shaher’s headquarters. After that, we’ll go to that place in the south where the reconnaissance team was sent. Next will be our turn to bring back the luggage. Don’t let your bodies get weak.”

“Roger that.” Once everybody gave an agreeable reply in unison, we disbanded from the spot.

Iustitia, Shaher’s headquarters. The main office of my occupation. I was previously in a section called the codex department, devotedly working on the deciphering of documents and copying manuscripts, but now I had been transferred to a completely different section. It sounded good when we were called the leading actors, but it was actually a group of reeking adventure rascals, the literature collecting department.

I put my heavy baggage sack on the ground and heaved a breath. Wiping the white folk clothes that I had been provided with on-site, I dusted the sand off them. This clothing called dola – a long robe secured by a waist belt – looked flappy and inflexible at first glance, but it was surprisingly easy to move around in. It was made of a rather velvety silk material, so there would normally not be so much sand sticking to it, but since I was caught in a sandstorm until just a moment ago, there was no helping it.

We had returned from a thorough search in the ruins of an abandoned castle, once the dominion of a royal clan whose name was eminent in the past. A book burning movement had taken place in this land at a certain point, but we had received information that a scholar from those times, out of fear towards the situation, had hidden valuable books in the forsaken palace. The information was apparently right, so after wandering around all over the deserted castle, we had found dozens of books. The books that would be taken to Shaher’s headquarters were to be made into written copies and spread to the world.

Made for protection purposes, Shaher’s literature collection was also well-reputed in other countries. It was difficult to negotiate with the locals responsible for the abandoned castle, but we were allowed entrance this time as well thanks to our achievements thus far. Just like that, someone’s story, studies and feelings, which were supposed to have disappeared, would breathe once again. The books we had been looking for would be delivered to other people and comfort them during long nights.

——What a wonderful thing.

The working environment was awful, but I was proud of my job.

I sat down on my luggage and gazed at the cityscape while drinking water from my canteen. In this desert-zone city, everyone’s clothes seemed harmonized no matter what color they wore.

“Senior Leon, what will you do on your days off?”

As a junior who had not yet left the spot called to me, I furrowed my brows and looked at his face. He was a young man of masculine facial traits, which was enviable to someone as baby-faced as me.

“Hey, Sir.”

A rarity amongst the members of our unit, the man had not been born in Iustitia. If I wasn’t mistaken, he was a rich kid who had been born in a southern country and entered Shaher through connections with the foundation executives.

Getting a job at the Shaher Observatory was a daunting task even for those who had studied astronomy. It was hard to make it without learning in a good environment from an early age. Since Iustitia, the capital of stargazing, was the best place to study in, it was natural that the ones hired were mostly the locals.

——Well, this guy had connections, so this has nothing to do with him.

I pondered an answer. “Nothing in particular.” For the time being, I decided to be cold, acting as nonchalant as ever.

And this was also the same as always, but the junior took no offense in my crude response – rather, he laughed at me, looking happy. “Then that means you’ve got no plans. I was thinking of going home. If you’d like, how about we go together? We have a villa by the lake... If I go now, the schedule will allow my family to join in.”

“No, why do I—”

“Last time we had a break, I told my little sisters about your cool adventure story and they wouldn’t shut up about how much they wanted to meet you. Hey, hey, how about it?”

I was baffled. I had no idea what was good about me to this junior but he would oddly flock to me. The reason why I hadn’t told him about my plans right away was that I felt he would follow me if I did so. Honestly, he was a bother. Up to now, we had acted as a group. I wanted to be alone even if a second sooner.

“I’m not going.”

“No way... My family’s all pretty boys and girls! Sir, you like beautiful things, don’t you?”

“Do they look like you?”

“They do.”

“Then they might be pretty, but won’t be my type.”

“Sir! You’re horrible!”

“So loud. If your family’s waiting for you, hurry and go.”

While I gestured with my hand as if shooing a dog, the junior made a puppy-like sad face. Even though he had a big body, he was amicable and his display of emotions was richer than most people, making him look all the more like a dog.

“Then, if you ever feel like coming to see me during your break...”

“I won’t.”

“...could you contact a hotel called Varona in Leidenschaftlich?”

“I won... uh?”

“It’s a first-class accommodation establishment. It’s under my uncle’s administration, so you can get a stay there immediately, and I can pick you up as soon as you give me my name. Oh, you’re making an interested face, huh? Want to come with me right now?”

What piqued my interest was the word “Leidenschaftlich” – that was all.

——That’s where the CH Postal Company is.

And it was also where my first love worked at.

“You were from Leidenschaftlich...?”

“That’s right. I did say it in my self-introduction when I joined the department.”

“Well, I don’t listen to people I have no interest in...”

As expected, my junior gave a happy-looking smile with his whole face. “Sir, I like that you’re equally unfriendly to everyone. People only got close to me because of my title... and my family’s social standing... but Sir, you’re cold, and that feels nice.”

“Your suffocating actions are a pain in the ass to me. Besides, hum...”

“What is it, Sir?”

“Hum, say... is the CH Postal Company well-known?”

“Do you know Violet Evergarden?” – the reason why I couldn’t ask this was a literal embodiment of how much I lacked guts, I thought.

With an “aah”, my junior immediately made a face like the name rang a bell. “I know them. It’s the company of that businessman, Claudia Hodgins, right? They’re popular. Shocking that the name of a company would come from you.”

“I’m an adult, after all. I’d know the name of one or two renowned businesses at least.”

“That’s a lie, ain’t it? I already know you don’t have interest in anything but stars. Erm... if I’m not wrong, all the postal companies of Leiden got sucked into it. They also succeeded in company split-ups. Their president is a celebrity too. The newspaper series where he talks to other entrepreneurs is a trend... It got adapted into a book just recently. There’s a chapter in the extra edition where he talks to his secretary and the president of an affiliated company, and it’s so fun. The book’s in my room at the headquarters, so you can take it with you and read it all you want.”

“Is there nothing about business in that book? Like, about the Auto-Memories Doll field... Hum, according to my research, there should be a rather famous Auto-Memories Doll in it... Don’t know if she’s still there, though.”

I timidly attempted to ask, yet it seemed my junior didn’t know the details. That was expected. The number of people who could hire Auto-Memories Dolls was limited, so hardly anybody would know even the name of a famed Doll unless it was someone marginally acquainted with them.

“I wonder. I do sorta know that they apparently have one real beauty of a Doll. But I also have a good-looking face... so I don’t yield to beauties from here and there.”

“Got it. Thanks for the info. And for the nice conversation. Go home.”

“Sir...! If you get bored of being alone, please remember me!”

Leaving behind my clingy junior, I took off from that place. I strutted with a hand in my pocket.

My junior wasn’t a bad guy. He had a high-handed personality but fit into the category of good person. He must have talked to me like that because he knew about my background as an orphan who had lost his parents and got a job at the astronomical observatory by way of assistance from Shaher. Meaning he was worried about his senior, who would be spending his vacation alone with no lover or family. The reason why he had invited me to a house where his family would be was probably that he was exposing his intentions in his own way.

——But to hell with that.

I wanted to be alone. To say that the people who thought I was pitiful were the actual pitiful ones was my essence. I had always enjoyed watching the stars by myself anyway, and I enjoyed books about stars too. Book reading wasn’t meant to be done with two people, right? I liked being alone. This was also because I had lived a life of accepting solitude for a long time, but if anything, it was harder for me to settle down when I was in someone’s company.

When I turned the street corner and confirmed that he finally wasn’t following me anymore, I let out a relieved sigh.

——Alone at last. Time and space just for me.

The times when I was by myself like this were the ones I felt most comfortable in, and while I did have some things to reflect upon in that regard, unfortunately, I didn’t have a family to pester me about having children, unlike the rest of society. Because I was alone.

——I get that it isn’t a good thing.

There were things that you couldn’t get used to or change, despite understanding why you should. I was equal parts as obstinate as I felt inferior to those who had families. Only one person had ever made me want to be with her for a little longer when I was in her company.

——Only one.

Our circumstances were similar and we were also alike in that we were burdened with loneliness, but it wasn’t as if I liked her because of the similarity. It was because she seemed like she would be all right even if she were on her own, so I had wished to stay by her side. To get close to her. I “liked” her in that way. It wasn’t as if I wanted her to do something for me. I was the one who wanted to do something for her. It was that kind of “like”.

It had happened a long time ago.

After we had spent a little time together, she left. When we were bidding our farewells, I stopped her and confessed.

“Violet.”

I told her I was in love with her. I didn’t ask her, “I like you, so what do you wanna do?” – I simply told her I liked her.

“I’m... I’m... in the codex department now, but... I actually wanted to be in the literature collecting department like my father.”

She gave me this answer: the way that she cherished me was different.

“I had my hopes up that maybe my mother would come home one day if I waited here, bringing my father back with her... so I kept shutting myself in until this age, without ever stepping off into the outside world. That was possible in this place and I wanted it myself. But... just now...”

But if we ever happened to meet again, she wanted to spend time with me.

“I’ve just made up my mind. I’ll go around the world like you.”

In that moment, the woman who had said that she couldn’t feel emotions...

“I might face danger. I might lose my life without anyone ever finding my body, just like my parents. But—But that’s okay. I’m thinking of choosing that path.”

...smiled at me like a normal girl, looking happy, and told me something.

“If I do that, I’m sure we might get to meet someday, somewhere, under a starry sky. We’re both gypsies. And if that happens, will you...”

——...watch the stars with me again?

“Yes, Master.”

She told me that. She said it. This alone was already enough for me. This alone gave me the courage to come out of the world that I had been secluding myself in. Even if my love wasn’t requited, even if we never saw each other again, I was so happy.

She.

Violet.

Violet Evergarden.

Just that – just the fact that she had promised to watch the stars with me – had made me happy to the point of changing my life.

I kept making transfer requests ever since that day, finally earned approval and ventured myself into the outside world. The world other than Iustitia that I saw for the first time was bustling with a dizzying variety of things, which made me regret secluding myself. But surely, if I hadn’t met her, I would have taken a lot longer to go outside. No, I might have never left that bird cage to begin with.

That environment where I was allowed to wallow was terribly indulgent. After all, everyone was awfully nice to me for not being able to stand up, just because I was sad.

I didn’t simply think that I would definitely get to see her at least once. The probability of an astronomer and an Auto-Memories Doll, who had spent time together at work, meeting even once was surely the same as the meteor we had seen that day – once every two hundred years.

I was being ridiculous. If I really wanted to see her, I should just go visit her postal company in Leiden. The reason why I didn’t do it was that I was scared. That maybe her words were just out of friendliness, and that, if we did meet, she wouldn’t even remember me and I would be rejected. On top of being terrified of this, I also had a dream.

That if we ever happened to reunite, I wanted us to meet again truly by coincidence, under a starry sky.

If something like that really were to happen, just what would I do? Would I smile? Cry? Or ask for her love again?

I nodded at a passerby who had almost collided with me and started walking again. I had no particular destination. I could also go back to the headquarters just like this and be an idle bookworm in my own room, but going sightseeing around this city for at least a little bit was also good.

——I won’t get to see Violet if I stay in that place.

I had no free time to spend money, so I could afford the luxury of staying at a remotely nice hotel. Having made up my mind, I went into the main street and began looking for accommodation in the desert capital.

   Local idioms were honestly my weak point. Even though it was a common language, it was hard to catch because of the many dialects. When I talked to elders, I was done for.

However, I could perfectly understand that the inn’s owner, an old gentleman, had treated me like a “young lady”. Of course, I told him he was mistaken, but he didn’t hear it. He led me to my room with a hand around my hips.

The room was quite a high-class one, so I let it slide. If it were my old self, I would have been as furious as a raging fire. But I had grown up. By holding back my anger, I would manage to spend the night in a proper bed, where it didn’t seem like bugs would show up, so becoming an adult was for the best. Even if my self-respect decreased a little.

While I was chilling in the room and writing my diary, the sun went down in a blink of eye and it was getting late into the evening.

   “Heave-ho.”

It was the dead of night. I put on warm clothes and prepared myself to go out.

I wanted to observe the desert’s starry sky at my own leisure. As our activities had been limited to daytime ever since we had arrived here, I was now finally getting to do the things that I actually felt like doing. I had watched it together with everyone else from the windows of the cheap inn that the literature collecting department’s personnel had stayed at, but as expected, I wanted to see it from a spacious place with no noise or anything of the sort. As a scholar born in the so-called “capital of stargazing”, I obviously was going to have my fill of the desert’s night sky.

Unable to contain my feelings of excitement, I left the room after my lips relaxed a bit. For the heck of it, I greeted the innkeeper and told him I was going to see the stars. When I did so, he made a worried-looking face.

Apparently, women were forbidden of wandering outside at night in these lands. He couldn’t stop me from going out since I wasn’t a local, but warned me not to get too close to men. It wasn’t as if there were many ruffians among the people who walked around at night, but simply that this city had this kind of culture, so if the men suddenly spotted a woman, they might think badly of it. I had grown up in a men’s dormitory watching a bunch of idiots, so I understood what he was trying to say.

I showed him the retractable cane I was holding, and while I was at it, I also demonstrated with one swing that a blade came out from the tip as well. It was not for killing anyone, but it sufficed for making the other party recoil and holding them back.

Receiving the innkeeper’s applause from behind, I ventured myself outside.

The temperature gaps between nighttime and daytime was extreme in the desert. Having been raised in a mountaintop astronomical observatory, I was used to areas where there was a discrepancy in temperatures between day and night, but even then, I could bring myself to deem it as comfortable due to differences in humidity. The instant I stepped outside, I shuddered with a “brr”.

However, I forgot the cold as soon as I saw the sight spreading overhead. Surely, God must have dropped His jewel box. The starry sky unfolded in a way that made even someone like me come up with such a poetic saying.

Due to the fact that it was nighttime, there were few people out, but it wasn’t as if nobody was wandering about the city. Just as the innkeeper had said, it seemed that someone with a womanly appearance (I wasn’t a woman at all, though) walking around did catch people’s eyes, as they called to me countless times. I put myself on guard in each of those instances, and everyone withdrew with the same caution as the innkeeper.

Not letting the women walk around late at night was also meant for protecting them.

I had heard that there was a place for stargazing aimed at tourists somewhere a little far from the city, so I headed there, for safety as well. Several tents were erected around the sparse green area. In addition to privately built tents, there were also merchant tents selling drinks and food.

After looking through the signboards with the prices of the alcohol and warm soups that people of this region consumed and were familiar with, I picked the alcohol. I was an adult now and on vacation, so I told myself that it was okay to drink today and gave myself permission.

I went for a cloudy-colored alcoholic drink simmered in a large pot called the witch’s cauldron. It was warm and sweet, with a slightly spicy aftertaste. It warmed your body when you drank it and was the best delicacy to savor in cold weather.

Some people invited me to enter their tents, but I refused and steadily began setting up by arranging the astronomical observation tools that I had prepared. I assembled a demountable astronomical telescope over the sheets.

Even though this was said to be a place for stargazing, not everyone seemed to be astronomy freaks like in Iustitia – most of them were lying on the ground, enjoying a conversation with their companions while relishing in the jewels of the night. Everyone other than myself had simple handheld telescopes, so a few locals started appearing fussily around me, looking greatly interested. If anything, there weren’t just tourists.

A young father who had a child with him shyly came to ask me, “How much is it for you to let us take a look?” Apparently, he had mistaken me for a merchant.

“I don��t take money for it. It’s something for me to enjoy myself.”

The young parent made a bewildered face at my blunt reply, but nervously stepped in front of the kid and said, “It’s okay even if it’s just for a little bit, couldn’t you let this child take a peek?”

“Sure, it’s fine.”

He was also surprised at my ready consent. As he asked one more time if I really wasn’t going to charge for it, I declared that I wasn’t, swearing by this land’s god.

I beckoned the child. Our heights didn’t match since he was too small, so I lifted him by the hips.

“Can you see them?”

“Just a tad higher.”

“This much?”

“Amaziiing.”

At the child’s delighted look, the father and I locked eyes with each other and laughed. Then, other people who had been surrounding us at a distance came over one after another, asking me to let them see next. Whenever I said that I wasn’t charging any fee, they would ask me back, “Are you a saint or what?”.

In a land where you could see such beautiful stars, astronomical telescopes weren’t wild-spread among locals, enjoyed only by tourists and outsiders. That was probably the case. For them, this was an expensive item brought by outsiders. The stars were beautiful enough at naked eye, so if I had to say it, telescopes weren’t necessary. But if there was something that would help them see better, there would obviously be people saying that they want to take a look.

——Guess I’m gonna contact Shaher’s donors and indicate this place as a potential donation site.

If this pleased so many people, maybe it would be nice to have a telescope that everyone could look into, just as there were benches where everyone could sit on along the streets. I liked stars, so it made me happy even if just one more person fell in love with them.

“Having fun?”

“We are! You’re so generous!”

The figure of an elderly man much older than myself smiling like a boy, looking extremely happy, struck home pretty hard. It wasn’t like I wanted to hang out with anyone or that I had a preference for getting along with everybody. That wasn’t the case at all.

“This thing’s pricey, ain’t it? You okay with people touchin’ it without a care?”

“It’s not made for decoration; it’s something to look at.”

But these kinds of moments were nice.

——Very nice.

If these once-in-a-lifetime encounters would increase the proportion of stargazing in someone’s life, nothing could make me happier.

——When I get old, I guess I’m gonna run a rent-a-telescope or something like that somewhere.

I decided to take a few steps back and let everyone enjoy themselves.

This sensation that the joy of the surroundings was becoming more and more contagious. This feeling that people were gathering there only out of curiosity and adventurous spirit, not for profit. It didn’t seem fitting of my usual self, but something like this was also conceivable every once in a while.

With nothing to do, I naturally started looking around. Wonderful night, wonderful atmosphere.

The figure of someone standing still amongst it all entered my field of vision even without me wanting to. Everyone else had a companion.

The person was clad in dola like me and had a veil covering her face. From her physique, I could somehow presume that she was probably a woman.

Hoping that no weirdos would go talk to her, I worried about and kept watch over the woman, just like people had done for me. If she got caught up by anybody, should I intervene?

I used to hate women, yet here I was, concerning myself with one. I might have a misconstrued sense of justice, but I at least had to care.

I was just looking at her for a little while simply for that reason, but the instant that the wind blew strongly, all of my nerves became her captive. Her veil came off. It came off just slightly and I could see her face.

Her golden hair fluttered leniently. Her shapely profile was exposed under the starry sky. This beauty that could be discerned even in the nightly darkness was breathtaking.

It was really just a few seconds’ time and she immediately fixed the veil back on tight, but I had already seen her, so I knew. I knew.

I knew who that was.

Distancing myself from the telescope, I walked unsteadily towards her. Like winged bugs that gathered up to light.

This person literally shone like a lantern in my life. It was fire that wouldn’t disappear, no matter how much time passed. Time only strengthened the flame’s vigor.

That was why, aah, I... I...

“Violet Evergarden... is that you?”

That was why I called to her at that moment, with a shrill voice. As she looked at me, her eyes slowly crinkled, the corners of her lips went up and she smiled at me.

I felt like tearing up at that.

“It has been a while, Master.”

I had dreamed of this.

“Is it really you?”

I had dreamed of this day.

“Yes, Master.”

Always had been.

“Stupid, I’m not your master anymore... I have a name too... You’ve probably forgotten about it, but I... My name is...”

I had dreamed of this day and had always been thinking about what to say if we ever got to meet again.

“Mr. Leon Stephanotis. Is ‘Mr. Leon’ all right?”

If it were under a starry sky with not a single cloud, we could talk about its bare beauty. If it were on a rainy day, we could discuss the mythology related to the constellations.

“Did I mistake it? I have confidence in my memorization skills, but...”

If it were on a night where a once-in-every-two-centuries meteor were to pass by, we could share stories of the past in which we had observed the sky together.

“No... you got it right. You got it... Just ‘Leon’ is fine... Violet, the time you spent with me was so long ago, and yet, you sure... managed to...”

I had dreamed of this. You had no idea, did you, Violet Evergarden?

“You sure managed to remember.”

You were my first love. The first person I fell for. That day was the first time I confessed to someone.

“Leon, do you recall the promise we made?”

I opened the door to courage. I opened it thinking it would be okay even if I got hurt. But instead of hurting me, you accepted it. You broke my love to pieces, but still acknowledged it.

“Yeah.”

I had dreamed of this. Of this moment. You didn’t have to remember it. You could have forgotten what you had said to me. But if nothing else, I wanted to have one more look at you before I died.

“Have you memorized...”

One more time.

“...the names of a few stars?”

I wanted to see you one more time.

Violet Evergarden. I – the sixteen-year-old Leon Stephanotis – was in love with you.

He was in love with you. So was my current self. Now that you were in front of me, I could tell as much, even if I didn’t want to.

The flame inside my chest was saying, “This woman is the one who started the fire.” It told me that you were the woman who burned me up. You had burned me, and you still were. You melted everything that I had locked up within ice. It told me that you were the woman of my fate.

Violet wordlessly nodded in agreement. She nodded like a child. She was happy that I remembered what she had told me – I could tell by the facial expression she was making.

——You used to be so expressionless and doll-like – who was it that changed you so much?

You weren’t a doll anymore now. More like a girl who had someone’s love. You didn’t look like anything but that in my eyes ever since you were with me, though. But now, surely you had someone. This someone had changed you to that point, right?

“Violet,” I said, suppressing the pain of my sweltering chest. “If you have some time, won’t you spend it with me?” I asked.

I was attempting to open the door to courage again. Regardless of what awaited me beyond it, even if I regretted opening it. I asked nevertheless.

You changed me. You made me who I was. You probably didn’t know that. You didn’t have to.

“Yes, by all means.”

And this beautiful woman in front of me, too.

“I had been waiting for a day to come when I inform you about the fruits of my studies.”

Surely, she had also been made by someone.

“Should we ever meet, I had wanted to report them to you, even if you did not remember.”

Envy, affection and attachment ran through my body.

“That is what I was thinking.”

My sixteen-year-old self was screaming. “I was in love with you. I was in love with you. I was in love with you. I’m in love with you. Even now, I still like you,” he shouted.

I no longer had any of the youth and recklessness of those days. However, regarding my love for her, the me from back when I confessed to her was still here.

“I’m sure what I’m gonna say now will trouble you. But would you listen?”

I was still here. That version of me was still inside me.

Violet Evergarden, you...

“You can laugh if you want; you see...”

...to me, you... a woman like you was...

“You were my first love.”

Violet Evergarden, you...

“I still like you. Forgive me.”

To me, you were a woman of the stars.

#violet evergarden #fyeahvioletevergarden #veedit #kyoani #kyoto animation #leon stephanotis #violet evergarden booklets #akatsuki kana #takase akiko #novel #my translation #leon stephanotis and the first star #leon stephanotis to ichibanboshi

[yan-genshin]

warnings: general yandere content, drug use (alcohol), implied death 

a/n: trying out a new writing style for this one! hopefully it works out-

♥︎ kaeya alberich

kaeya doesn’t like being alone. it’s not something he shows openly- it’s something he keeps deep down, along with most of his honest thoughts and feelings. but it’s as true as the sky is blue; he’s always seeking company, whether it be from his fellow knighst or from less than savory fellows at the bar. but now it’s not enough; loneliness goes from “being alone” to “not having his beloved around

“you’re leaving already?” kaeya’s smooth voice makes the traveler stop in the doorway to angel’s share. it’s late at night, but not so late as to worry about the bar closing; in fact, it seems mondstadt’s night life is just waking. the traveler doesn’t stick around at bars often, not being one for alcohol, and frankly, there’s no reason why kaeya should want them to stay. he’s got work to do, as evident by the table of probable bandits he’s been chatting up all night; and yet for a second he seems genuinely displeased the traveler is leaving. it’s only for a second, though, and quickly his teasing tone is back as he chuckles and waves his hand. “well, well, at least let me walk you to your inn. you are staying in the city, aren’t you?”

he should be relieved that stormterror- or dvalin, as he should call the dragon- no longer threatens the city, but he can’t. sure, the traveler hasn’t left yet, but he’s heard them talk to venti, talk to others about how they’re supposed to head to liyue soon, to try and speak to rex lapis. it’s mean of him, but it makes him roll his eyes. do they truly think they can just waltz in and get an audience with a god? they got lucky here- to just run into barbatos, that “venti” is as kind and aloof as he is, but there’s no reason rex lapis should be like that... right?

he plants seeds of doubt smoothly, carefully. loose comments about how ancient and important morax is, about how many people crowd around him during the rite of descension, that it’d surely be hard to speak to the god as an outsider. 

he said he’d called them over to his office for a small mission, but it seems he’s more interested in small talk. paimon refused to come over, still hurt about kaeya tricking them once before with his fake quest for some random sword and treasure; but the traveler is still there, dutily attending the cavalry captain’s request. to be fair, he is seemingly briefing them on a mission- something minor about some slimes in springvale- but he’s also awfully chatty. and somehow the topic falls onto the traveler’s twin; it’s hard to miss the glint in kaeya’s eye when he speaks. “i have to admire your dedication. why, me? i wouldn’t be putting in so much effort into chasing for someone who, for all i know, was probably killed by- an all-powerful goddess, you said?”

tearing the traveler down just to be there for them “on their lowest” is scummy, sure, but it works. he has a way with words, a way to bring up the outlander’s wounds to surface, to shatter their heart with his words and then have the gall to rub their back and hold them in his arms when they cry, gently consoling them in ways that don’t really help. oh, are they worried their twin might be dead, gone forever? now, now, no need to cry- they’ll always have a family here in mondstadt. they’ll always have him.

if he were anyone else, the traveler might have just gotten mad at him. but he’s kaeya; shady, up-to-no-good kaeya. of course he can twist his words and actions just perfectly, to make his horrible actions not that noticeable and yet so painful, to make his fake kindness and manipulation appear genuine to the lonely traveler

stacking up tasks and missions on the traveler’s back, packing on emotional baggage and doubt, making the traveler about as afraid of being alone as he is. after all, the traveler has always been with their twin; they’d been using the faith of finding their missing sibling as fuel to keep going, but with the idea that perhaps said sibling is gone planted in their head it’s hard for them to not seek out comfort in kaeya’s presence, with how he dotes on them

paimon is of little help. the little creature might have been the traveler’s closest friend, but the lack of adventuring seems to make the little woman less clingy. in fact, she’s more often than not hanging out with amber or bothering venti- it’s clear she doesn’t know how to deal with the traveler’s sudden depression, choosing to steer clear while “the problem sorts itself out”, not knowing that leaving them alone is just giving kaeya more openings to present himself as the only comfort for them

it’s almost pitiful how he’s trained them, he thinks. they come to him willingly, like a pet seeking its master. even though they end up crying most of the time, due to his own words, they still come to him knowing he’ll kiss their tears away, play with their hair and rub circles into their back as they hiccup and sob. they still talk about leaving sometimes- stressing over missing the rite of descension in liyue- but he knows they don’t have it in them to take on the journey, not as they are. dependant on him. 

it’s so easy to be mean once he knows he’s got the poor traveller hooked. to make them doubt their own fighting, their own skills, making them believe their only real use is to run menial tasks for the knights. oh, don’t they know mostly everyone thinks they’re clumsy and useless? but not him, no, no. it’s so easy to make himself the center of their world once he’s completely destroyed it and re-built it for his own purpose

and even then, if the traveler insists on going to liyue- if even after all this work, they still try to leave, then he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. he doesn’t need to play fair; he just needs to win, right? the fact that the roads from mondstadt to liyue are well-traveled and the hubbub of the rite of descension keep people distracted. nobody will notice one less traveler walking down the roads.

it’s truly as easy as letting the traveler drink more than their share on the night of their “departure”. letting them say goodbye to everyone, promising to return soon. and then just hitting them hard on the back of the head as they walk out of their inn. paimon isn’t a big deal; he doesn’t particularly adore having to dispose of such a helpless creature, but it’s also not difficult to just freeze and toss into the lake surrounding the city as he carries his darling back home, only for them to awaken confused and with a chain around their ankle

“are you angry, perhaps?” he doesn’t sound like a kidnapper, but that’s what he is. or at least at the moment- surely, his dear little traveler will settle down soon enough. “i’d say this is for your own good, but i won’t lie to you, dear. i just had to do this. you were going to leave me.” his voice drops at this- it’s as if the words themselves hurt him. to think they’d leave. he watches with delight the scared look in his beloved’s eyes, how they nervously tug at the chains and ask if this is all a joke. it isn’t, of course. this is just how things have to be. he’s happy to keep telling them that looking for the seven archons is useless; do they really think their sibling is alive? after being attacked by a goddess? didn’t they themselves barely survive months on the beach just because they found some weird fairy thing?

in the end, kaeya values his comfort over his darling’s. this- everything- is his desperate attempts to keep them from leaving. and so what if it ends with a terrified and horribly depressed traveler locked in his house? they’re scared of him, but they also can’t help but crave his comfort, memories of him soothing them and wiping away their tears still resonating with “comfort and warmth” in their mind. and that’s all he wants, really- to hold them, to be the only person in their mind. it’s ok if they break a little in the process, it’s ok, as long as they don’t leave

#genshin impact #yandere genshin impact #kaeya alberich #genshin x reader #yandere tw #alcohol ment #death ment

[prongsies]

Baggage • George Weasley

PAIRING: George Weasley x Reader

SUMMARY: George doesn’t like being back in The Burrow after the war, but before he could even enter, his mum sent him out to but some items. It wasn’t all too bad- especially since it led to him receiving such exciting news.

WARNINGS: Mentions of the war and death; slight angst with a happy ending

PART 2

________________________________________________________________

George trudged up the street towards The Burrow, hands in his pockets as he fought off the cold. It’s a week before Christmas, one of the most joyous occasions of the year - if only their family had been complete. 

The war took a toll on everyone envolved in it - it had been greedy, finding the weakest of their weak spots then snatching it so violently away from them. For his family, it was Fred.

The St. Mungo’s healers told them he had been lucky to survive that much of an impact, if only that had been it. Apparently, the wizard who had managed to throw him against the column had actually used some form of Dark Magic. Reversible, the healer reckons, but far too advanced - far too ancient for them to reverse.

Upon hearing the news his twin brother has a chance to live, everyone was ecstatic. Kingsley had arranged a group of the best healers they have available, teaming up with workers in the Department of Mysteries to figure out just what happened to his brother.

He was against it at first, not wanting his brother to be the subject of what he thought was something like an experiment - but as he turned to look at his mother’s tired eyes, he agreed.

He stopped in front of his house, looking up at its towering height as memories of his twin brother flashed before him rapidly. He shook it off, blinking back his tears as he pushed open the front door, inhaling the scent of the food his mother was preparing.

Crouching down, he untied his muddy boots, only for his mother’s voice to stop him. 

“Can you run down the grocery store, George” She said, causing George to rise from his position, turning towards his mother.

 “Gee, no ‘It’s great to see you, Georgie’ or anything?” George joked, crossing his arms at Molly, “It’s not like I had to trudge up the hill just to get here, Merlin’s beard, mum!”

He smiled as his mother laughed, catching how her eyes didn’t crinkle at the sides the way it used to. She him into a tight hug, burying her face to his neck as she muttered, “It’s great to see you home, George”

She pulled away, nose a tinge of red as she sniffled a bit, before laughing. “Oh, now you got me crying, George!”

“It’s not my fault you’ve got a soft spot for me, eh mum?” He smiled, eyes softening towards his mother, “For the record, I did miss you too. I’m sorry I haven’t been around”

“It’s alright, dear” Molly wiped her nose with a towel. Composing herself, she fished into her apron pocket, pulling out a couple of muggle British Pounds, handing them to George together with a sheet of parchment. “Now, go run down the supermarket and grab me these things”

“Why do I have to do it?” He whined, eyes catching Ron emerging from the kitchen, munching on a freshly baked tart, “There’s Ron, why can’t he go?”

“Hey!” Ron had protested, catching bits of the pastry that almost escaped his mouth. He paused to swallow for a moment, pointing at George, “You’re the one already by the door, why don’t you get it?”

“I just got here!”

I didn’t know there were this many options, George thought as he stared at the variety of cereal in one single shelf. In their world there were only like - a dozen to choose from, but here? Merlin! 

“Come on, George” Molly said calmly, looking up at him. He noticed how tired her eyes were, remembering the letters his father sent about his mother not being able to sleep properly. With a sigh, George nodded, taking the money from his mum as he crouched down to tie his boots, exiting the house - not before Molly calls out, “Hurry back!” behind him.

___

“I recommend this one” A voice made him jump. 

He really hasn’t been the same after the war - a bit more jumpy now unlike before where he had been the one to make people jump.

With a hand to his chest, he turned to see a (y/h/c)-haired person there, staring at him with a soft smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. You’re George Weasley, right?”

He nodded his head, trying to hide the fact that he didn’t know who this person is in front of him, now reaching out a hand towards him, “I don’t know if you remember me because I was in the year below you, but I’m (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N) - from Hufflepuff”

Now, he remembers who you are - well, mostly based on the articles he had read on the Special Edition Daily Prophet after the war. He remembers seeing your face there, among other who have contributed to the war, how your parents were killed in the first war, and now your twin brother in the Battle of Hogwarts.

You were alone, he recalled. He remembers thinking how sad it must be to be so - losing everyone you loved until you’re the only person in your family alive. But here you are, grinning up at him as if everything was okay.

“George” He replied, taking your hand to shake.

“Anyway,” You continued, snatching up a blue box, “If you’re looking for Molly’s cereal, this is what she usually buys”

You drop the box into George’s basket. He seemed confused still, eyes running over his list, a bit embarrassed now that it’s revealed he doesn’t know his own mother’s preferences. But your hand on his forearm comforted him. “I can help you along, don’t worry”

You looked up at him, smiling softly as he seemed to reconsider it, “Okay” He finally said, handing you the list.

He followed you around the store, basket still in hand has you picked up the items you’ve seen Molly get.

“Your parents like coming here” You started, just to break the silence in the air. George, who was deep in thought, hummed as his eyes snapped towards you. “They said the muggle lifestyle of it all amuses them - especially your father. I recall Arthur asking if he could tear apart my register, which would’ve been okay if it wasn’t that expensive”

So it’s her store, George realized, nodding towards you. 

“They’re mostly here for the potions though” you continued, adding the last item on the list into the basket, “they’re constantly brewing them in the back. Kingsley came by yesterday to get the last few vials of your brother’s potion-”

“You’re the one brewing them?” George interrupted, “You’re the one supplying his- his experimental potions”

“You know, I really couldn’t tell if you’re mad or not” You said softly, studying his features - eyebrows furrowed, cheeks turning red. Oh, he is.

“I can’t believe you’re- you’re turning my brother into a lab rat!” He exclaimed, finally releasing his pent up emotions. He knows he shouldn’t have done so, considering you had lost far more people than he had, but he’d been holding it back for so long.

Tears rushed down his cheeks as he continued releasing his frustrations on you, basically belittling her skills as a potioneer - claiming his parents, the healers, the Department of Mysteries’ workers have misjudged you, that you were leading them on.

He stopped, breathing heavily as he wiped away his tears.

“Is that all?” You surprised him by asking. He looked up to see you looking unfazed at his breakdown, silent as you collected the basket from him to bring to the counter. “You know, after the war, I thought I’d nothing else in the world could hurt me again - turns out I was right, eh George?”

He approached you, watching as you rungs his items up with a flat expression. “I’m sorry”

“No, it’s alright, George” You replied, smiling at him, “Sometimes we really just need someone to listen. I’m guessing you’ve bottled that up for quite a while now, right?”

George nodded.

“It’s nothing, really. I remember the first time your mother visited me here. She spent more than an hour trying to calm me down when she asked me if I was alright” You laughed heartily, “I came home alone after the Battle of Hogwarts, did you know?”

George didn’t respond. By that time, all the items have been rung, all packed neatly into a paper bag for George. You rounded the counter to stand beside him, leaning your backs against the table. “McGonagall told me to go home, to get some rest - I couldn’t. Not when the thought that I wasn’t able to save my brother crossed into my mind”

Your voice wavered, but you didn’t crack. George admired you as you kept going, telling your story without shame - like you had gotten over it already. But the truth is that you didn’t, that when you retreat into your bedroom after closing up the shop, packing up your potion ingredients, you cried until you fell asleep, until your head hurts in the morning.

“When I heard about your brother” You continued, “How there’s a chance of saving him. I agreed to partner with everyone else, scanning through every book I could find that could help me whip something up for him. I admit, it was a long process”

“I could imagine” George chuckled, calmer now than he had been when he lashed out on you.

“But it was working. Within a few days, his finger was moving, then his whole hand - he even managed to flip me off the one time I told him how disheveled his hair looked” You laughed.

“I haven’t visited him, you know? I couldn’t bare to see him” George replied sadly, “I didn’t even want to go here today if mum hadn’t forced me. I told her there was no family occasion, why would I need to be here? Then you know what she told me when I entered the house?”

“What?” You asked, amused as George smiled.

“She told me” He said, mocking frustration, “To go back outside and buy some items from your store. Who even does that?”

“Your mother, apparently” You poked his sides, making him giggle, swatting your hand away, claiming to be ticklish. “I’m pretty sure she just wanted you out the house because your brother’s going home today”

“Excuse me?” 

“Fred - he’s going home today” You replied. Within a few seconds he was running out of your store, willing his legs to move faster as he neared the Burrow - groceries forgotten.

Excitement filled his bones as he slammed the front door open, looking around before his eyes met his brother’s, who was sitting on a wheelchair, a bandage wrapped around his head.

“Well, I’ll be damned” Were Fred’s first words to George, who stood by the door speechless. He was well aware of everyone watching the scenario unfold in front of them, beads of tears running down their faces at the small reunion, “Explain to me, Georgie, how I still manage to be the more handsome twin even if I’ve been confined in the hospital for months?”

“Fuck off, Freddie” George replied, rushing over to his brother to pull him into a hug. He felt over the moon as Fred’s arms wrapped around him, keeping him in the embrace longer.

The pulled away, both teary-eyed.

“Great, now you’ve got your snot all over me” joked Fred, wiping away his own nose, “Merlin, George! My feet aren’t even fully-functional yet, you could’ve waited until I was capable of taking my own shower”

They were interrupted by Molly Weasley greeting another person who have entered the Burrow. George turned to see you standing there, the bag of groceries in your hand as you smiled at the reunion. 

“Thank you so much for everything you’ve done, (Y/N)” She cried as she brought you in for a hug as well, squeezing you tightly while she asked for the final price of all the potions you had brewed for them. “It’s all free of charge, Molly. It’s all on me”

She was about to protest when you continued, “It’s a thank you - for being there for me. Please don’t worry about it”

“Then join us for dinner” George piped up, staring at you. “Stay for dinner... please”

Fred smiled, staring up at his twin who looked at you as if you hung the moon. Well, you did bring his brother back to life, but that’s besides the point.

“I can’t believe you got a date while I was cooped up in the hospital” 

“Shut up, Fred”

#george weasley #george weasley imagine #george weasley imagines #fred weasley #fred weasley imagines #george weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader #Harry Potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader

[lordterrax]

Lightbound

Aside from what Andrew Hussie wrote, and what I wrote on my LordOfClasspect blog about lightbound. There is something I wanted to go further into detail about that is pretty evidently clear in all examples of Lightbound that I think is pretty interesting.

So basically, aside from knowledge Lightbound are marked by an extreme challenge with Morality. Hussie describes that lightbound tend to find loopholes around the rules. This generally works out for them but it becomes a problem in that they often times end up with a distorted or grey perspective of morality, which leads into a tendency that when they do Wrong, they are explicitly Evil and marked by a curse.

Rose Lalonde tried to loophole the game Sburb, and in the process directly destroyed the game's architecture and doomed the entire session even for her friends. Nearly casting them all out into the Void to be eaten by the horrorterrors. Whether explicit or implicit she became the villain defacto. Even her alcoholism in general signifies that she doesn't care enough to recognize that even her seemingly lowly necessary Seer title was absolutely critical and responsible for the success and wellbeing of not just herself but her friends as well. Similar to Dirk's darkest bout of negligence towards his friends but more direct, straightforward and exact.

Vriska snapped the spine of an innocent and continues on destiny's path as if she will face no consequences. Constantly hijacks the plot and spotlight regardless of whether this is actually optimal or not. Her best character development came when she was humble and beating herself up as an inverted expression of her role. Then she could face up to her direct fault and flaws.

Aranae becomes so selfish she will literally doom another version of herself to do it, trying to make herself Alpha by force. In the process she disrupts both Jake and Dirk, Jake in a fundamental way and makes it clear she has no qualms with hurting Dirk to get what she wants. She goes from an extremely patient and kind being to one of impatience and grey morality.

Outside of Homestuck Canon, you have Rick Sanchez, who is an apt example to bring wider representation. As Rick Sanchez is a Lord of Light. Recently it was revealed in a canonical short written by Justin Roiland that Rick is in fact Morty. Rick hands Morty a potion saying that it's from excretions from the memory parasite in season 2, and that it will turn Morty into Rip Van Winkle. He also overlaps his reflection with Morty's face, and points saying "Rick Sanchez". Thus it's officially confirmed Morty is Rick, and the implications and realizations for what this means are endless.

For one, it puts things in perspective. Throughout the entire show Rick and Morty's stories run right alongside each other. And it clearly paints a contrast and shows the way the world works for Morty compared to how it works for Rick. There's also countless references and scenes that completely change context if you realize they are actually synchronized time events synchronizing Rick and Morty in a way that makes it plainly clear that due to Time Shenanigans, everything Morty does and goes through influences and changes Rick's character, memory, etc. So much so to the point that it's obvious everything Morty does IS Rick's actual back story, and Rick "already did it" before, as it's defined when Morty does it for the first time.

The realization is clear. Morty is bullied, is dumber than others around him, and struggles hard to keep up with others. Somewhere along the line, originally, Morty just shifted into prop comedy and entertainment like his father Jerry, before eventually getting into Science and realizing that the mathematical, concrete, and absolute nature of Science played really well with his Asperger Syndrome. He then at some point invents a portal gun, and explores the universe. At some point he flies under the alias Rick Sanchez, which in the real world is a notorious alias for people needing a fake identity especially people who have done so many crimes they can never get clean.

Rick and Morty are so opposite it's not even funny. Yet that's what makes this so obvious. Somewhere along the way Morty has an Ego Death because of how the universe treats him, and he evolves into everything he wasn't. This is why Rick suffers and explains his absolutely nihilistic and cynical view of the world. Because as Morty he learned the hard way that the universe does not care about you, does not play fair, and will just keep pushing and pushing with no limit. Eventually he just snapped and flipped it around so at least he always wins.

Now the relevance here is astounding. As Morty he was a Muse of Void. Inspiring the Void but in a Blackwing way. Morty seems innocent and harmless and like the Hero, but his actions always invariably lead to suffering, death, and evil. Evil Morty is predominated Morty and makes it clear that Morty is just in all ways inherently Evil and Destructive, but in a Passive way. Rick in contrast may contradictingly claim he doesn't care, thinks morality is bullshit, and does things which are morally fucked up. But inversely when challenged by the Devil, has a special passion for wiping him in the dust. Meanwhile even his worst acts which seem on the surface to be so reprehensible that they are unforgivable, what we are shown are things which with a good enough reason to balance it out, actually makes him a Savior.

It's actually Morty who is contradictory. Void is ambivalent and while Voidbound have half Light in them, Morty is the one who is ambivalent when it really matters and doesn't actually care when he absolutely should. Only to challenge Rick's authority and to rebel does Morty act like he's the good guy that really cares. Needless to say if we read the entire story a different way, Rick was inverted originally. As a single entity he became Light more and more over time, but it was a long process of trial and error. In the process to becoming the All Powerful Rick, Morty carries a lot of Moral Baggage. Every Rick has done something virtually ubforgiveable but continues moving through the universe running on as much borrowed time as he can get. Not really deserving everything he has and is but continues on anyways. Changing the Rick and Morty story in a very keen way if you view it as 1 continuous character both ways. Making Rick appear more like Vriska.

Basically if we view it as 1 singular and linear storyline. Then Rick is trying to run along after doing whatever evil and trying to escape the very consequences he created in the process. Nevermind that Morty gaining so much knowledge and changing personality so radically has warped his perception of everything so radically. That he can hardly tell right from wrong, and has no sense of what he is or isn't allowed to do. And technically he has the power to back it up. So much so it's hinted throughout the show of how Morty would have abused his science to do things for his own personal gain. Fridge Horror stuff.

The point is this is a perfect example of what I mean about Lightbound. Even Thor from Marvel Avengers has the fact that his family has a history of Genocide, and it's in his own veins as much as it was in his father's.

Lightbound embody the aspect of Perfection and Holiness. But as it has become obvious this has to be a story of a flawed mortal BECOMING the epitome of this... And God/The Universe is so forgiving and encompassing that nobody said you couldn't break a few eggs to make an omelet. What matters is where you end up/the destination/your intended goal.

Lightbound may mess up more than others, and in vastly worse ways than other Bound. But they succeed more than others do, and go farther.

#homestuck #classpect #light aspect #lightbound #morality

[clockworkouroboros]

“Never be cruel, never be cowardly. Hate is always foolish, and love is always wise. Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind. Laugh hard. Run fast. Be kind. Doctor… I let you go.”

Thus says the Twelfth Doctor, moments before he regenerates. He’s leaving a legacy, a set of instructions, for the next Doctor. These are the things he finds most important. The things he wants, above all else, for his next incarnation to take to heart. (Hearts?) Kindness, laughter, love. These are the things the Doctor should have. This is what the Doctor should aspire to be. Never be cruel, never be cowardly.

And then the Thirteenth Doctor comes along and ignores it.

I think Series 11 was a great setup for this, if I’m going to be honest. I didn’t like Series 11 that much, because I thought it was boring, especially for character work. The Doctor is too bland, too cheerful, too boringly nice. There was nothing all that special about her character, nor her companions.

But now that we have Spyfall, and a great start to Series 12, I’m finding this setup of boring, nice, cheerful, optimistic, naive Doctor to be almost necessary. Perhaps we didn’t need a full season of it, but it makes great potential for character dynamics, especially now that Chibnall is clearly focusing on that a bit more.

Thirteen is ignoring her last incarnation, or, at the very least, only paying attention to a few parts. She’s always trying to be nice, for example. And no one can accuse her of being cowardly. But what about the kindness? What about never being cruel?

From the start, Thirteen has kept an odd distance between herself and her companions. As Yaz says at the end of Spyfall, “You know everything about us, and we know nothing about you.” She’s trying to take what her previous self has said to heart (hearts?) and is doing that by trying to completely start over. She takes them to places where no one has ever heard of the Doctor, where there are no monsters from her past or skeletons in her closet. She doesn’t tell them where she’s from, and rarely makes any reference to things in her past. Forget, “What is the Doctor’s name,” this is more, “The Doctor hasn’t even told us the name of the planet she’s from,” which is something her past selves have all been very open about.

I think Thirteen’s thought process here is that she has too much baggage. She’s done so many bad things, been responsible for some of the worst crimes in all of time and space. She’ll scare her companions off if she’s open about her past. It’ll clue them into the fact that she can make mistakes, big ones. That they can get hurt. She doesn’t fully trust her companions, but she expects them to trust her. When the Dalek shows up in Resolution, she uses manipulation tactics to get them to approve of her murdering the Dalek in cold blood, and almost murdering Ryan’s dad in the process.

This is all a great setup for the return of the Master. The Master will not hesitate to expose the Doctor’s dirty past to her companions, and he almost succeeds in doing so in part one, with Graham. He and the Doctor are more similar than the Doctor would ever admit, with both doing horrible things, manipulating people, committing genocide. The difference between the two is that the Master revels in this. He loves it. The Doctor hides behind excuses and makes every effort to be good.

The big thing here, though, is that Thirteen has a lot of hidden darkness. She’s been turning to manipulation and secrecy in order to keep up a facade of being the nice, good Doctor. All of her big confrontation scenes have been her and the villain, alone. In those scenes, she has goaded, taunted, and threatened. She isn’t kind.

That’s why I’m okay with the Paris confrontation in part two, despite the very very sketchy racial things in that scene. The Doctor is confronting her oldest nemesis. She’s cornered. She’s desperate. She doesn’t have anyone to impress. And she’s going to ignore the never be cruel. She’s going to ignore the never fail to be kind. She isn’t any better than the Master, and you could make the argument that she’s worse, because the Master at least is open about the fact that he does terrible things. The Doctor is cruel. She’s ignoring those aspirations, those promises. This is who Thirteen is, even if she’ll never let the fam see it.

The Doctor is losing her sense of self. She’s already been cruel, incredibly so. She’s stolen the Master’s TARDIS, forcing him to somehow escape the Nazis (and she’s also clued them in to the fact that he’s a poc, which was totally unnecessary. This isn’t just thwarting the Master, this is personal. This is revenge. This is cruel.) She’s wiped the memories of the two women who helped her, against their will. There is nothing kind about any of this.

And she’s already starting to be cowardly. She’s still hiding things from her companions, lying about Gallifrey to Yaz, refusing to open up to them. She’s afraid. And I very much want to see what will happen with a scared Doctor and suspicious companions.

#dw spoilers #doctor who #thirteenth doctor #new who #dw meta #long post #series 12 #dhawan!master #the master #twelfth doctor

[kireii-writes]

your chrollo first kiss hc follow up: could you write about fem reader going into the city to look for him only to find her first love kissing someone else ?

warning(s): angst, mentions of blood, murder. 

- 

this wasn’t supposed to happen. your hands weren’t supposed to be stained with blood. 

as rain began to slowly dance on the concrete of the dimly lit alleyway, you were still shaking, your eyes wide with horror when you saw the body in front of you. the next thing you knew, your hands and clothes were stained with blood. 

this was his fault. it was all his fault. 

looking down at your blood stained hands, the tears that were now pouring down your face mingled with the raindrops as you remembered the last thing your lover said to you before he left for this city. 

“i’ll never forget you.”

but he did. you just didn’t want to accept the fact that you were no longer important to him. in fact, you’ve become more like extra baggage for him to carry. how long has it been since the promise chrollo made to you before he left? 8 years. eight years ago, he promised to take you away from Meteor City before he left to come to this place. fast forward 8 years later, there he was, standing in front of you. 

with another woman by his side, the same hands that used to hold you close at night encircled around her waist as he kissed her lips, not knowing that you were there, witnessing everything. 

“chrollo?” you questioned, your throat suddenly dry. maybe you just made a mistake? after all, it’s been eight years. but still, you couldn’t believe your eyes as the man in front of you resembled your lover so much. 

upon hearing his name being called, the man standing in front of you pulled away from the kiss as he turned his attention to you, his eyes cold and emotionless as he asked the question that ultimately made your heart sink. 

“who are you?” 

who are you? he’s joking right? 

“come on, it’s me, chrollo. stop playing around.” you let out a nervous laugh, your lips trembling as you could hear the shattering of you heart. “don’t you remember me? i’m y/n. we grew up together, and you left Meteor City 8 years ago after promising me you would come back for me, don’t you remember?” you furiously blinked away the tears that were slowly blurring your vision. 

“sorry, i don’t recall meeting you anywhere before.” his words dealt the final blow to you. 

did all those years of growing up together, fighting to survive, defending one another from threats, and nights where the both of you would spend sleeping under the stars cuddled together mean nothing to him? did that kiss on that certain day where the setting sun painted the sky a vibrant red and orange mean nothing to him? 

“chrollo,” your voice broke slightly as you called out his name- the name that used to bring you so much heartache and comfort at the same time on those cold lonely nights. “quit playing around. please.” you begged, ignoring the woman next to him who was staring back and forth between you and chrollo rather quizzically. part of you wished you got the wrong person, but another part of you felt like you were lying to yourself. 

“who is this, chrollo? is it someone you know?” the woman spoke up, and chrollo immediately turned his attention to her, giving her a charming and reassuring smile. “she’s no one, my darling. she must’ve mistaken me for someone else.” 

turning back to you, the emotionless expression returned once again. “if there is nothing else, we’ll be on our way. you’ve taken up enough of our time already.” nodding curtly, chrollo readjusted his grip on the woman’s arm, and walked past you without giving you a second glance. by now, the heartache was too much for you. feeling numb, fell to your knees as your eyes burned with hot tears filled with anger, frustration, and above everything else, regret. in that instant, you wished you had stopped chrollo from leaving Meteor City- from leaving you. 

maybe... maybe if that woman was gone, would chrollo remember you? that woman must be causing chrollo’s memories to be blocked by some means. chrollo wouldn’t forget you unless someone erased his memories or something, right? 

wiping your tears with the back of your hand, a feeling of hatred for that woman who stole your lover from you fueled your sudden bloodlust. getting up shakily, you started to walk in the direction they went, as if being hypnotized by an unbreakable force. it didn’t take you too long to find them. you hid behind a tree a few metres away, and saw the woman bidding chrollo goodnight at the entrance of the hotel, a swell of anger and hatred bubbling inside you as her lips collided with chrollo’s cheek, leaving behind a red-stained imprint on his face. 

after making sure chrollo had turned around a corner and was not in view anymore, the woman lit her cigarette and inhaled deeply as she made her way to the dim alleyway behind the hotel. clutching the dagger in your hand, your heart thumped loudly in your ribcage with every step you took towards the unsuspecting woman. 

one stab. one stab and you’ll run away. you’ll kill her with just one stab. you thought. growing up in a junkyard, you picked up the skill of stabbing a person just once to enable them to die. it was essential, and it saved your life countless times. ever since then, you made it a rule to never inflict more than one stab wound to the same person. 

but that wasn’t how it turned out. 

and look where it led you to be. 

there you were, crying as the rain washed the blood off your hands as you recalled the strangled cries of the lifeless woman in front of you just a second ago pleading for her life as you continuously plunged your dagger into her, your eyes glazed with anger and fury. you didn’t stop when pleaded with you to spare her life. you didn’t stop when she decided to fight against you and carry on living. no, you only stopped when her hands that were grasped around your hand fell limply to the dirty concrete. 

it wasn’t like you were new to this- you had to steal and kill just to survive another day in the same old degenerated place you lived your entire life so far. 

but there was no turning back. no more turning back to the good old days where you and chrollo would stick by each other, an undying loyalty towards each other. not when he decided to leave Meteor City, not when you let him go, and not when the limp and cold body of a woman laid in front of you, a sea of red spreading out from her body and painting the concrete crismon.

and it was his fault. 

it was all his fault. 

#anime #hxh x reader #hxh chrollo #chrollo imagine #chrollo x reader #hisoka #hunterxhunter #hxh scenarios #hxh imagines

[obscure-sentimentalist]

Prompt from @absentlyabbie, for the “lighthearted” prompt list: Old enough Boys, 18 (”Thank you for being in my life”)

[I’m just going to remind you, Abbie, that you originally threw the hurt in this one at me. But there’s at least still some comfort in here. <3]

Old enough ‘verse; direct continuation of this 

January 2013

“You know,” Tommy yawns, just as Connor is beginning to drift back off to sleep. “I think I dreamt about something like this, back then.”

The only response Connor is able to muster is an incoherent mumble that’s half-muffled by having his face smooshed into the recliner’s leather covering. Not for lack of trying for something clearer, but with his eyelids fluttering and much too heavy to hold open for any length of time, any sort of audible noise is an achievement.

Tommy lets out a little laugh at that, though it’s more sheepish than amused. “Never mind,” he says, prelude to the faint shuffling of couch cushions and blanket. “Kept you up long enough already.”

Connor isn’t so far gone that his bullshit sensors are in idle mode, and he makes that fact incredibly clear with a jab of his finger in the general direction of the couch. “Nuh-uh,” he snaps out around his own yawn as he separates cheek from chair with a delicacy and precision typically reserved for the OR. “You stop that.”

The demand is met with a moment of surprised silence, before it’s broken by a pillow whistling through the air and smacking Connor full in the face.

“It’s the couch thing, isn’t it?” Tommy asks wryly as Connor flails back into an upright position and tries to keep the recliner from tipping over. “Have you thought about getting a guest room at some point, so I’m not mistaken for a therapy patient with my usual overnight accommodations?”

Connor flips his brother off with one hand before lobbing the pillow none-too-gently back with the other. Tommy just catches it and casually tucks it back behind his head.

“It’s not ‘the couch thing’,” Connor asserts, running a hand through his mussed hair as he turns his full attention back to Tommy. “It’s the ‘my brother is an asshole who still changes the subject even when he actually wants to talk about his feelings’ thing.”

“Oh, right, that thing,” Tommy gasps in understanding, eagerly snapping his fingers and glancing over at Connor with wide eyes. “See, I’m only used to the first half of that in practice. You never want to talk about your feelings, or what’s up, doc.”

“Cute.”

“So I’ve been told.” Tommy offers up a cheeky grin at that comment.

It must be infectious, as Connor finds himself shaking his head as the corner of his mouth twitches. He allows himself a breath of a laugh, before sobering and trying again. “Really, though—what were you getting at, about dreaming something like this?”

Tommy goes quiet again at the rebound of his words and looks away from Connor, but the slight hunch of his shoulders is telling. The avoidance is not to ignore the question, but because Tommy isn’t ready to stare his brother in the face while unraveling another vulnerability.

“I just meant… this,” he says, settling back on the couch and flapping a hand in the air between the two of them. “The late-night talking. The witty repartee. The… the whole brothers thing, you know?”

Connor furrows his brow, not entirely certain of where this is going, but still hums in acknowledgement and encouragement for Tommy to continue. Whatever his twin is getting at, it’s entirely deserving of Connor’s full attention.

Still, Tommy must sense his confusion, as he glances back at Connor out of the corner of his eye and offers up a wobbly smile. “Sorry, that’s not the most coherent way of putting it, and kind of the middle of the story. Could backtrack a bit.” He puffs his cheeks and blows out an exaggerated breath as he gazes back up to the ceiling. “I told you, way back at the beginning, that I already knew I was a twin.”

It’s not a question, but Connor still casts his mind back nearly five years and south of the border, to a bar table and an identical face (half-concealed by a towel full of ice) on the opposite side of it. To the memory of jokes cracked about evil twins and concussions, before the gravity of the situation was taken into full account and… was not met with much surprise.

“Thomas” means “twin.” I’ve always found that kind of… morbid.

“I already knew,” Tommy repeats, interrupting his past self as the words echo in Connor’s mind. “For a long time, actually. But I didn’t always know.

“I was, oh,” Tommy lets out another deep sigh (if it wobbles a bit at the end, Connor doesn’t say anything) and sags deeper into the couch cushions, “five or six when I got bold enough to ask for a brother or sister. I mean, I had something close to it with Oliver, and it was still a few years before Thea came around, but I guess some other kid in class must have gotten a baby sibling and it got me thinking. So I, uh… I went to Mom.”

Connor’s breath catches quietly at the admission, both in surprise over the turn of events and the mention of Rebecca Merlyn. The few times Tommy has brought her up—both before and after the twins visited her grave—it’s always struck Connor how easily his brother drops any sort of possessive. Granted, mentions of Malcolm are given the same treatment (though much less respectfully), but it’s harder-hitting that Tommy doesn’t simply differentiate with a “my mom” when Rebecca hardly had and would never again have a chance to be their mom.

It’s the solid and calm knitting of Connor into the Merlyn family while he remains officially outside it and has another family that he still, complicatedly, thinks of as his own.

“She was… I mean, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her, getting pestered one day by her chatty, hyperactive kid about how much he wants a sibling of his own, and being hit head-on by the memory that there should be another little boy with his face.” Tommy pauses a moment to rub a hand over his face, before it lowers back to rest over his chest. “But she still told me everything, as best and kindly as she could for me to process it at that age. How I did have a brother, an identical twin, who grew with me before we were born and would have been just my age—an automatic best friend. And how, for one reason or another, he couldn’t stay with us or the world in general for very long at all.��

Connor tries his best to swallow the lump in his throat that slowly formed over the course of Tommy’s explanation, but his entire mouth feels dry. He can’t even fathom how he’d take it if he were in Tommy’s shoes even a few years ago, if he’d discovered that he had a blood sibling who’d passed before they’d had a chance to meet; knowing that Tommy had been given that heartbreak—as true as it was still presumed to be—at such a young age is a winding blow.

Tommy wrings his hands in the blanket, still staring up at the ceiling. “I think I understood in some abstract sense at that point—I knew I was supposed to have a brother and I was upset that I didn’t in the end, but there wasn’t really anything I could do about that. It was what it was.” He shrugs on that note and catches his bottom lip between his teeth in thought before quietly continuing, “So I didn’t actually process the enormity of the loss until just after Mom died and Dad left.”

“The nightmares,” Connor finally manages as his throat tightens even more, curling an arm around his abdomen as he shifts in the recliner. It almost physically hurts now, hearing his brother’s past pain unravel and knowing that part of it was due to the mix-up that landed Connor with the Rhodeses.

“More like the events that caused the nightmares, years later,” Tommy corrects, finally turning back to face Connor. “Just this big, empty house, and then me, this eight-year-old who doesn’t understand why everyone is gone.” He lets out a sigh, before shooting Connor a melancholy half-smile. “It figured that I tried to get through by reaching for the first person who left.”

And just like that, the penny drops.

“I dreamt up so many versions of an imaginary twin in those two years,” Tommy confirms before Connor can even attempt to say anything. “Can’t remember the specifics of any of them, but I get the impression that they were a bit less… stick-in-the-mud-y, to say the least.”

Connor doesn’t need his voice to greet that comment with a grumpy pout and withering glare, which only serves to delight Tommy.

He allows himself that moment of fun at Connor’s expense, before swallowing thickly and trying again. “Really, it didn’t even matter what they were like. All that did was that—at least in my head and my dreams, for just a little while—I had a brother to laugh and play and talk with, which meant I wasn’t alone.”

This time, when Tommy wipes a hand over his face, it’s accompanied by a small, smothered sniffle. Connor wouldn’t comment on it even if he could, given the haziness of his own vision.

The somber moment doesn’t last long, though, as Tommy whips the hand away from his face a moment later and claps, startling them both back to attention.

“And that concludes this year’s unpacking of emotional baggage,” he quips, though the amusement is noticeably forced. “That’s going to tide me over for a good long while, so I hope it’s satisfied any interest you may have had in dabbling in medical disciplines beyond your own.” Tommy rolls onto his side and tugs the blanket over his head before hitting the switch to the floor lamp again, plunging the living room back into darkness.

The abruptness of the dismissal leaves Connor gaping at the couch, but after a moment he lets out a lovingly exasperated sigh and pushes himself out of the recliner to stand. He should have expected that even though Tommy opened up after Connor’s nudging twice tonight, his brother is not content to let him take the win in full.

“Goodnight, asshole,” Connor tosses over his shoulder in a sleepy mumble as he makes his way down the hall to his room, intending to get at least a few hours of sleep in his own bed tonight. Comfy as that recliner might be short-term, he would prefer to avoid ending up at the chiropractor.

Connor has already crossed the threshold into his bedroom and out of hearing range by the time the couch cushions shuffle again and a hand nudges the blanket away a bit.

“Thank you for being in my life, Connie,” Tommy murmurs into the dark, as he at long last lets go of the chain of paper cut-out imaginary twins that carried him through a lonely childhood.

Not even the most carefully-crafted of the would-be brothers is worth trading the real one down the hall.

#obscure-sentimentalist writes sometimes #merlyn boys #tommy merlyn #connor rhodes

[scullysexual]

A Jewel Beneath The Moonlight [Reposted. Anniversary]

Jewel is one year old! In order to celebrate what is probably my greatest achievement in fic I’ve decided to re-release all the chapters. Not much has changed in terms of story but I’ve gone through and edited/fixed any typos and weird sentences that have popped up now and then. Me and my blog have both grown so much since writing this that I’m sure there’s many of you who have yet to have read or seen this before. So here you have it…my lil baby. 

- - - 

Chapter One

A cloud of heavy smoke rises from the four vapers, covering the clear sky above and littering it with stuffy grey puffs. People scramble about up and down the dock, trying to keep family members together as they rush to get through the gates. Others stand there gawking at the ship. For those not boarding it’s simply a day out; The greatest ship ever built, they call it and those who live nearby wasn’t about to miss out on such a historic day as this.

Mulder stares at it, surprised at just how wonderstruck he is with it. He never put much stock in the rumours when it was being built believing that she was just going to turn out as all those before her had. That the rumours were just that.

But he was wrong. Never in his life had he seen a ship as large as the one that towers over him.

He turns to Phoebe, reaching out for her hand as she climbs out of the cab.

“What do you think, dear?” Mulder asks as he helps his fiancé down. “Are you impressed?”

To no one’s surprise, Phoebe only scoffs at the ship, its presence not changing her mood in the slightest.

“It’s not as grand as the Mauretania.”

Bill Mulder chuckles behind them, handing their luggage to his man-servant, Krycek as the boy passes them onto a baggage handler.

“It’s much bigger than the Mauretania,” he says, ready to quote every fact he had memorised from the London Herald about the ship. “And much more luxurious,” he adds.

Phoebe only huffs, clearly becoming uninterested in their current conversation.

“Careful Fox,” his father warns him. “Hard one to please, that one.” Mulder only manages an uncomfortable laugh already well aware at the difficulties that come attached to Phoebe Green.

With time running out, they begin to make their way towards the ship, weaving their way through the crowds, Phoebe turning her nose up at every person not dressed to the nines, going as far as to dramatically balk and cover her nose as a lower-class foreigner runs across their path.

“Filthy immigrant,” Phoebe scorns at the innocent man. Mulder tries not to let his disgust show at Phoebe’s words, they’re excused after all and Mulder rolls his eyes at the clear disrespect his people show towards those less fortunate.

“He’s just trying to get to the ship, Phoebe.”

“Yes, well, maybe he should hurry to a bath instead.”

Mulder ignores her words, instead guiding her through the swarming crowds.

“Honestly Bill,” Mulder’s mother pipes up. “We couldn’t have gotten here earlier rather than scurrying around the docks like rats?”

“I was all packed and ready to go,” Bill says and indicates to the pair in front of him. “It was those two who weren’t.”

Mulder sighs. If anything, it was Phoebe who they had been waiting for.

“We did try to hurry, Mother. Phoebe couldn’t decide what to wear.”

Phoebe scoffs once more. “It’s not my fault that you told me to change.”

“I just thought you would get too warm wearing black all day.”

“I’m in mourning Fox,” Phoebe cries. “The weather doesn’t change that.”

Mulder resists sighing again. Phoebe had been mourning for weeks now. The loss of their baby had brought on this spontaneous trip. Phoebe, done with London and “wanting to get away from all the bad memories” all but demanded that they leave for America as soon as possible. A chance for a new start, she told him afterwards. They could get married here and start again. Next thing Mulder knew, he was packing his bag and going back to a country he hadn’t seen since childhood.

He felt trapped somehow, and it had nothing to do with the swarms of crowds. This was inside him. A cage or a hole he’d put himself in. One he wasn’t going to get out of any time soon.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

She’s been sitting on this bench for what feels like hours now. The stuffy bar overcrowded with sight-seers only now they’ve done the sight-seeing and want to do some drink-beering.

She was told ten minutes. Ten minutes and they’d be looking for a ferry to take them back to Ireland. Dana was done with the place. Southampton was the same as everywhere else in England they’d been- the same people, the same scorning looks they’d get no matter where they go, the same rejections. It’s only a number of times a person can hear ‘no’ before they never want to hear the word again.

Her brother, however, had other ideas. They only came into the bar to ask if there were any ferries available to take them home and somehow Charlie had managed to be roped into a game of poker by a bunch of Norwegians who barely spoke any English between them.

The game had currently been going on for a lot longer than the ‘few minutes’ she was promised.

Dana sighs, shifting in her seat to get comfortable. She’d order a drink if Charlie wasn’t currently gambling away their last penny.

“You lonely, luv?” Dana turns towards the speaker. His cockney accent thickened by the slurring of his words. “Ye want sum comp’ny?”

He stumbles towards her, catching himself on the rickety table and smiles at his clumsiness. Dana attempts to shuffle further back into the bench, failing.

“I’m fine,” she says turning away and hoping the man would take the hint.

But he presses on.

“Are ye sure?”

“Aye. I’m sure.” She gets up before the man can say anything else, and heads over to Charlie’s table.

The boy is in full concentration mode. Lip caught between his teeth, eyes scanning his cards and the card laying down on the table. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Countless of times Dana has watched him play, never learning from the mistakes he’s made in previous games. This gambling addiction he’s seemed to have developed has cost them a lot in the finance department, a cost that Dana is not too happy about.

She taps him on the shoulder.

“Charlie, I want to go.”

“Hold on a second…”

His tongue replacing his lip, Charlie gives one nervous glance around at his fellow players.

“Charlie, we need to go.” She tries not to sound like she’s whining, he’s her younger brother for God’s sake, a child, she shouldn’t have to whine.

Charlie ignores her, a smile breaking out across his face.

“I’m sorry, lads.” He places his cards on the table, his smile turning cocky as he reaches over to take his earnings. Dana doesn’t miss the two pieces of paper lying on top of the money.

A large hand grasps Charlie’s. His grin falls as he stares in fear at the man.

“He cheat!” The man yells. With his hand still firmly wrapped around Charlie’s arm, he yanks him forward across the table, his other hand a fist that falls down and smashes straight into his face.

“Charlie!” Dana screams as his body falls slump against the oak. The man backs off as the bar grows quiet, ignoring the winnings that fall onto the floor.

With all concern for her brother, Dana rushes to his side, her hand falling on the boy’s face, wiping away the blood that drips down from his wound. You feckin’ idiot…she thinks.

Charlie’s eyes open slowly, despite the pain with smile it back.

“I won, Dana,” he tells her. “We’re going to America.”

Dana frowns, bewildered for the moment at what Charlie could possibly be talking about until her eyes fall to the two pieces of paper that lay on the ground. Realisation sets in and she reaches down to pick them up, turning them over to read.

The words White Star Line stare back at her. She looks from the paper in her hand to the ship outside and back to Charlie.

“You’re…you’re not serious?” she asks, full astonishment.

“Yep. Fecker put his ticket down as payment,” Charlie all but shouts.

Dana stares back at the ticket. She was really about to go to America and board the Titanic to get there.

“You’re gonna wanna be quick,” a fella beside them tells them. He points to his clock on the wall. “Boat leaves in ten minutes.”

At that, Charlie hauls himself off the table as the two siblings begin pushing what money remains on the table into their only bag, not caring for the coins that had fallen onto the floor.

“Hurry up!” Charlie urges her as Dana ties up the bag. “Come on, come on.” He takes the bag throwing it over his shoulder and grabs his sister’s hand, all but dragging her out of the bar.

They weave their way through the people, Charlie up front and Dana falling slightly behind. She fists her skirt in her palms, pulling it up so as not to trip over it, keeping her eye on Charlie ahead of her and praying she doesn’t lose him.

They almost collide with everything; people, a cart selling vegetables, a horse and carriage until finally they make it, out of breath and clutching at their tickets.

“Right, give me your tickets,” the crewman orders, his fingers making a grabby motion. They hand them over and the man all but snatches it out of their hands. His nose turns up when he reads the names.

“Leif and Ingrid Brevik?” he asks, sceptically.

Dana looks nervously at Charlie, worried that they had just ran all this way, got excited for a new future, just to be turned away at the doors once more.

“Aye, we’re Americans.” Charlie tells him doing nothing to mask his thick Irish accent.

The crewman gives once last glance at the ticket and them. Sighing and probably done dealing with steerage who’s English is minimal he accepts the tickets.

“Get in before I change my mind.”

Relieved, the pair rush in just as the crewman shuts the door.

They make their way down the crowded corridor. People stand looking at the various signs that point in directions of rooms, bathrooms, and general communal areas. They argue, an overload of different words muddled together to make one distorted language.

Dana isn’t paying attention, however. Her eyes switch from the number written down on the ticket to the numbers written on the doors either side of them. Charlie had gotten distracted, eyeing up every pretty lass that they walked past and Dana had ripped the paper out of his hands. If he wasn’t going to find their room, she will.

She finds it eventually. 23, near the end of the corridor. Charlie eyes up Room 24.

“Reckon a lass lives in there?” he asks.

Dana focuses on unlocking the door, a sly grin appearing on her face.

“I hope it’s a fat old man with a foot infection.” She looks up only to see the look of disgust appear across her brother’s face.

The door opens to their room. A single bunkbed, a desk and chair with a lamp set upon it, and a chest of drawers are the only furniture that occupy the room.

Charlie shares her sentiments exactly.

“Beats the cargo hold on a ferry.” He throws the bag onto the chair and proceeds to climb to the top bunk.

She stops him before he can claim it.

“Piss off, I get top bunk.” She grips the back of his shirt, yanking him off the ladder.

“Careful!” Charlie cries. “I’m already injured.”

“So move out the way before I injured you even more.”

He does as he’s told, not without pulling a face beforehand, and throws himself on the bottom bunk.

Dana lies down, thankful to be in a bed that actually feels like a bed and not a brick.

“Hey, Dee?” Charlie calls after a moment of silence.

“Yeah?”

“Are you worried?”

Dana thinks for a second, curious as to what Charlie thinks she should be worried about.

“About what?” she asks.

Silence passes and she waits for an answer.

“Nothing,” the boys says. “It’s nothing. We got nothing to be worried about.”

Frowning and profoundly confused, Dana decides to leave it.

Another bout of silence passes and perhaps Charlie’s fallen asleep, at least she thinks that until she hears his voice again.

“Hey, Dee?”

“What?”

“Do you still have that first-aid kit in the bag? My face is throbbing.”

#a jewel beneath the moonlight #chapter 1 #updated #anniversary repost #i write

[anotherbeingsworld]

Friends till the end.

Pairing: Bryce x F!MC (Casey Valentine) 

Book: Open Heart

Warning/Rating: None/G

Word Count: 2163

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry, I do not own any of them.

Summary: A day out with good friends. 

A/N: Hiii!! So, I am back with a new fic!! This is just a happy-go-lucky fic that I really wanted to write. With OH still being on hiatus, I really missed the dynamic from the friendship, and I decided to write it all down. I hope I did the characters justice! I have some hardships (a few breakdowns and just, a tons of writers block) so, I hope it came out good. Hopefully! Soo, ENJOY!! 

Tags: @soederberg ; @choicessa ; @annekebbphotography ; @dcbbw ; @bitchloveskcbaseball ; @princess-geek ; @storyofmychoices ; @mvalentine ; @n-whas ; @mrsbhandari 

LINK TO MY MASTERLIST 

It was a rare occasion for the second year resident of Edenbrook Hospital with a fellow EMT to be seen at the long roads in the states. One day, Casey has an amazing idea to bring along her friends along with Keiki to a 3-day weekend road trip. Their final destination would be a vintage beach house to have a bonfire as their final days on the road. It sounds ridiculous since their jobs would never allow them, but by taking up most of the week cases and begging to Dr. Banerji. They were given a green light.

They ended up renting a van, for the whole trip. Bryce and Rafael were assigned as designated drivers for the whole trip. All of them had visited the wonders of the states, in the duration of the last 48 hours as they made their way to the final location. A secluded beach, where they would rent a beach house for a bonfire.

After what felt like an eternity, they finally arrived at their final location of the trip. The Gildosa Strand Beach looks majestic, with the beautiful blue waters as the sun shines across the golden sands. Casey felt herself smile at the beautiful sight as she immediately pulled Bryce into a hug, as he places a small kiss on her cheeks.

‘Finally, we are here.’ Jackie let out a scream as Elijah and Sienna immediately make their way to the beach. Rafael laughed at their antics along with Aurora as they cleared the trunk that was filled with their baggage.  

‘Race ya to the shore Jackie!’ Keiki shouted before sprinting ahead as Jackie followed her from behind making the whole gang laugh.

‘Hey, the beach ain’t gonna play itself! C’mon guys!’ Elijah shouted from a distance, as the others took out the baggage. Rafael and Bryce carried most of the bags to the beach house, whilst Casey and Aurora settled on the lighter ones.

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The beach house is spacious, the kitchen was filled with supplies and the living room is furnished and the view is spectacular. It was everything that they needed to get away from the real world.

‘Honestly, I want to stay here forever.’ Aurora said as her gaze falls to the beach.

‘Wow, I thought you were a mini Harper who enjoys work and not relaxing?’ Bryce assumes as he earns a glare from Aurora, making him put his hands up in a defensive manner.

‘Lay it off her Bryce, we all needed some time away. So, for now. Let us enjoy paradise.” Rafael said as he went to check out his room.

‘Okay, okay. I didn’t mean it that way Aurora. I just somehow, you looked like you never had a vacation and..” Bryce was stopped as Casey smack his arm causing him to shut up earning a soft chuckle from Aurora.

‘I get it Lahela, so the next 24 hours is going to be dedicated to me having the vacation of my dreams.’ Aurora replied before leaving to find her room as well.

Casey and Bryce stood there, as they stared at their friends and Keiki playing in the sun. Casey felt a pair of eyes are staring through her. She tilted her head and saw Bryce was staring at her.

‘What are you staring at Lahela?’

‘You.’ He replied with a smile whilst Casey felt her cheek burn from the heat.

‘This is our first vacation together, and I can’t believe it's going to end soon!’ Casey said with a sad tone in her voice.

‘I am not going to let your negativity ruined it for the both of us, we should enjoy it. With the bonfire tonight, it's going to be one of the best nights in our lives. Let’s live for tonight.” Bryce said as he pulled her into a sweet kiss.

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After all the preparations are ready, all of them were seated in a circle around the bonfire. Casey was sat between a Lahela sandwich with Keiki and Bryce on both of her sides, followed by Aurora who is seated beside Bryce and Rafael, followed by Jackie, Elijah, and Sienna on their side.

The fire is bright as the darkness appears, all of them were silence enjoying the beauty of nature before Bryce cleared his throat.

‘Cheers to an amazing group of friends, and making amazing memories.’ Bryce said while raising his glass while glancing at the others.

‘You know when I first came to Edenbrook. I never would have thought that I would meet a bunch of amazing people who I am proud to call as my friends. You guys are really amazing. Cheers to all of you.’ Casey continues raising her glass as Keiki smiles feeling giddy inside.

‘Guys, this is supposed to be a vacation. Not, an emotional wedding toast or something.’ Elijah said as the others laugh at his comment.

‘Well, some of us maybe will end up on the aisle. We will never know.’ Sienna commented as her eyes gaze at both Bryce and Casey making them both blush.

The moon was shining above them in its finest as they all enjoyed their last night on the road together. Aurora clears her throat as well, commanding for the attention.

‘Soo, I figure I would like to prepare a toast as too. Cheers to this vacation, where we could take a breather from the hospital once every 365 days. I also wanted to say thank you for accepting me into this circle of friends, especially after everything we have been through. It feels nice, and somehow it felt like home.’ Aurora said as she met Casey’s eyes who nod in approval.

‘Aw, we are lucky to have you here Aurora.’ Sienna lets out a squeal as she pulled her into a small hug making her smile.

‘Raf, anything to add?’ Elijah asked as Rafael was lost in thought thinking about what to say.

‘I would like to propose a toast for this group also, for accepting me for who I am. Honestly, I somehow feel a bit out of my league among amazing doctors but, you guys accept me for the person who I am today and I couldn’t be more grateful. This has been an amazing time for us and well, I couldn’t have it any other way.’ Rafael cheered in happiness as the others let out a whoop from the speech.

‘Hey, buddy. You are a superman! I would kill to be like you.’ Elijah said patting his Rafael’s back.

‘The way you saved those people that is really admirable!’ Sienna squealed in delight as Rafael let out a small laugh.

'Yeah man, you are amazing!' Bryce exclaimed as they fist bump one another which is making Casey smile at the encounter.

'Okay, okay. It's my turn. I would like to cheers to another year of our residency and our life. When I first came to Edenbrook, my mind was set to the prize; being the best doctor. Without any distractions, and attachments. But, you guys prove me wrong. I need all the support I can get if I want to reach the top. I appreciate what we have here and honestly as Rafael said; I wouldn't have it any other way either. So, cheers to us.' Jackie raised her glass aswell, as Casey felt herself tearing up.

‘Jackie, that is beautiful.’ Casey commented as she wipes a tear that has fallen.

‘We love you too Jackie.’ Sienna exclaimed as she makes a heart with her hands towards her making her blush.

‘You guys are saps, but the craziest saps a girl could find.’ Jackie said as she lean in her chair. 

‘Hey, sappiness is good. This is a golden moment, and sappiness is required.’ Casey said as the others laugh.

Bryce glanced at his sister who is itching to say something, he lets out a whistle capturing the others attentions as all eyes fall on him. Keiki looks at him, and lets out a small smile.

‘I think Keiki here have a few words to say aswell.’ Bryce gestured to Keiki who gave a small nod to him in appreciation. Keiki clears her throat and starts,

‘I am not an official member of this friend group, but I just want to lay out a few words here. I’m not much of a master in words, so I am winging it. No pressure, I have been here, living with Bryce for a few months now and I have never been happier. Its not a huge mansion at home, or a field full of unicorns but it is an equivalent to home. Let’s raise one for my annoying brother Bryce who is a bit full of himself but at the same time has the biggest heart a person could ever have...’ Keiki paused before continuing. 

‘Elijah’s right, this sounds like a wedding toast but what the heck, its a good night to pass it on. I also, want to thank Casey for being the big sister that I never had, you really feel like family and in this moment,it feels perfect.’ Keiki concludes as the others lets out a sniff, even Jackie is crying over her tough demeanour. The whole minute was dedicated for wiping their own tears, as Sienna continued. 

‘Since we are all saying all good things, I would like to join myself in the party. Last year, we were just wide eyed interns who is starting in life and honestly, we still are. But, now we are second year residents trying to stay strong despite everything. To put it short, I love each and everyone of you. After everything we have been through, I never could imagine doing it with anybody else. The adventure with Mr.s Martinez, to Casey’s hearing and everything. It brought us here together, and life couldnt get much better than this. So, here is to friendship!’ Sienna beamed at all of them as she leans her head on Elijah’s shoulder from the exhaustion and satisfaction. 

Elijah rubs her back and raised his glass too. 

‘I might not get sappier than all of you, but I really appreciate each and everyone of you. Sometimes, I wonder what if we worked at different hospitals and, just never had a chance to have this...’ He pursed his lips before continuing.

‘It would feel incomplete, and I owe you guys a lot for all the good times and even bad times. I have grown a lot in these years and its because of this circle of people here. Cheers to right here, right now.’ Elijah concludes his speech as the sound of the water crashes through their eardrums. 

The circle around them are silence as the bonfire crackles to life, as everyone is capturing the moment around them. Casey felt herself leaning against Bryce, as he held her in his arms. Bryce placed a kiss on her forehead, followed by clearing his throat once more.

‘So, let’s save the best for last. I won’t get sappy here..’ Casey lets out a scoff as he winks at her. 

‘As I was saying, I really am happy here. Med school was okay, but nothing could top this moment; good friend, great vibes. Period. But, through it all, I really am grateful to meet one of the most amazing girl a guy could ever asked for. These two years with her are the best years of my life and honestly, I couldnt wait for what our future will hold, so I decided...’ Bryce took out something from his back pocket and in dropped to one knee facing her. The others let out a chorus of gasps. 

‘Casey Valentine, I may not be the guy from the magazines, but I am here as I am and it would be the greatest honor to be your husband. The world is still young for us, but I couldn’t imagine life without you in it. So, I told myself, what the heck, and lets do it. Everything from that leads to this moment, which leads to an important question. Will you marry me?’ Bryce lets out a small breathe as his eyes gaze into hers. 

The atmosphere around them was thick, as time seemed to slow down for a moment. Bryce sat there with a huge amount of fear as he suddenly regrets, until... he saw the small nod from her.

‘Yes..’ she replied quietly as the tears started to fall .

‘Yes?’ Bryce stood up in excitement as Casey nods excitedly. He quickly pulled her for a kiss as he slip the ring on her finger. 

Their friends let out a celebratory screamed as Bryce and Casey was engulfed in hugs by their friends. In that moment, everything is perfect. Although the tears blurred her vision, the silhouette of each of her friends. The smiles and tears as they celebrate the night were tattooed in her heart where they will be forever. As they will become friends until the very end. 

THE END. 

A/N #2: Hii again! I really hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!! The friendships that choices has given  is really amazing and I want to acknowledge that somehow since the friendship group in OH is one of the reasons why I fell in love with the book. This fic is somehow dedicated to all the friendships that occured in life.  I have met so many amazing writers, artists, and amazing people  here that I was lucky enough to call my friends  and all of you who took the time checking out my stories  !!! I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING.  ❤❤

#bryce x mc #bryce lahela #open heart #open heart fics #casey valentine #playchoices #open heart second year #choices fics

[owenjoyners]

catching up

“You had superpowers…”

“Yep. A couple different ones actually.”

“Were they fun?”

“Meh.”

Henry talks to Piper about being Kid Danger.

Words: 1958 

Tagging some peeps (tell me if you do/don’t want to be tagged for future fics!): @kiddangers @mychenrymadness @swellviews-finest @rubyfull @bitchmilsky

Henry and Piper have been sitting on the couch for a long time. Like a really long time. Like they have never, ever been this close together for this long, long time. 

They hadn’t despised each other before or anything, but they were both often running around doing a million things. Piper putting herself out there on the internet for thousands of people, and Henry putting himself in danger for the sake of his city.

But after learning how many times she almost lost her brother forever, Piper wanted to be a little bit closer to him whenever she could be, even when doing something incredibly boring like homework. Sometimes they would talk about their days, but most of the time they would just sit without uttering a word. The young girl just came to appreciate the fact that her brother was there, with her, and not being beaten halfway-to-death behind a deserted building. 

She wasn’t on top of him, physically or metaphorically speaking, she didn’t want to drive him away even further than he had been, but being on the same side of the couch didn’t leave much room between them. 

Their parents were out, maybe still at work, maybe somewhere else, but the kids didn’t mind. They liked the house when it was a bit quieter. Now that there were no more secrets between them, both of them found real joy and peace in being alone.

Piper sighed, and looked up from her biology textbook and broke the silence. She didn’t know why she was so nervous to ask her own brother a question, but she was. “Can I ask you something?”

Henry looked up from his copy of The Great Gatsby. “You know I got a D in bio, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” she laughed. “But it’s not about that.”

“Good.” He closed the book and tossed in onto the coffee table. “So what’s up?”

Piper looked down and ran her thumb over the edge of the pages of her book to relax herself. “Why do you do it?”

Henry wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but had a pretty good guess. “My job?”

“Yeah.”

“Honestly,” he stopped, trying to think of a reason. For a question he thought about a lot, he couldn’t seem to find the right answer. What could possibly be the reason he would give it all up for? What was worth losing his life? He started to think about if he dies on the job, what will happen? What would his parents think? Would it be worth it? But the thought that made his eyes start to tear up was the thought of Piper being an only child. Piper, without a brother to care for her when their parents were nowhere to be found.

His baby sister moved the book off of her lap and slid over to hug him before he completely broke down crying. She saw his lip quivering when trying to get out what he was thinking, and felt horrible for asking something so personal. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I never should’ve asked.”

Deep down, Piper was the one thing he cared about the most. Yes, he loved Charlotte and Jasper, he was really close with Ray, he cared about Schwoz too, and really everyone in Swellview, but Piper was the one person he would always put before anyone else. He turned to face her, but instead of looking at her, he hugged her tighter than he ever had and let his eyes soak the collar of her shirt. 

They sat like that for a few minutes, with Henry shrinking himself down so that his face would rest on his sister’s shoulder, and allowing himself to really let it out and cry for what felt like the first time in a decade. His hands were grasping at the fabric on her back, like if he let go he’d disappear and be lost forever. 

Henry was able to pull himself together to give her an actual answer. After a few sniffles, he could look her in the eyes. “I said I would. I made a promise. People were counting on Kid Danger, Ray was counting on me to be there.

“At first,” he continued, “I was doing it because it was new, and fun, and exciting, and it still is, but you get used to being in…”

“Danger?”

“Sure,” he laughed. “And you do get to a point where you start thinking, what am I doing here, why me, and then you remember that you swore to protect people, and to help them. You made a commitment. But after that wears off, and you’re so tired of coming home and having to cover up cuts and bruises and the only things going through your mind are all the worst possibilities, and what if this, what if that, and now, really thinking about it, if I had to pin it down to one reason, it would,” his voice started to break, “be you. It’ll always be you.”

He worried if that was too much. She’s just a kid, and I just unloaded all my emotional baggage onto her and told her my entire sob story. 

“What?” She asked, her voice not even above a whisper.

“For some reason,” he answered, “this town has more criminals than everywhere else in the state combined. They’re out there all the time, constantly hurting people.” He took a second to catch his breath. “People, children even, get hurt every day by these maniacs, and if I can take some of them off of the streets, then maybe it’ll help me sleep at night knowing that there’s less of a chance of you being hurt by someone.”

All the memories of Piper being near the villains flooded his head. She had to go through all of that alone. Henry was nowhere to be found because he was hiding behind a mask instead of being her brother.

“And, Piper, I am so sorry for all the times you were in danger. The balloons, the bugs, Swellview’s Got Talent, all of it. I would never let anything serious happen to you, you know that right?”

Piper had been crying the whole time Henry has been talking. “I know,” she said, wiping more tears from her cheeks. “You’re too stubborn to lose.”

Henry dried his face with his sleeves, and genuinely laughed with his sister.  “Haven’t you seen me get my butt kicked? The news isn’t very kind to us, and there’s plenty more where that came from.”

She giggled at the comment. Then she remembered something. “Hold on a second…”

“What?” He asked. What could possibly be more interesting to a little sister than her brother getting made fun of on the news?

“You had superpowers…”

“Yep. A couple different ones actually.”

“Were they fun?”

“Meh,” he shrugged. 

Super fast reflexes were great, indestructibility was great, but laughing fire was just every kind of awful.

“Well there was the one mistaken for a disease. What was it? Hypo Mobility?”

“Hyper Motility,” he corrected her. 

“Sorry,” she sarcastically apologized. “Still sounds like a disease.”

“Yeah, but it was nice to have, no matter how sickly it sounded. I had to inhale lizard and spider fumes to get it, so that’s cool, I guess.”

“Yuck,” she scrunched up her face with disgust. “But hey, if it gives you superpowers, I guess it’s worth it.”

“Oh yeah, it was,” he sighed, “even if it was only for a short time.”

“Yeah, do you want to talk about what happened with that?”

“Didn’t you hear about it on the news? I thought we did an interview with Trent and Mary” he said, knowing that story had been all over the news that night. 

“A little bit,” she shrugged. “But I asked Henry Hart if he wanted to talk about what happened, not Kid Danger. That guy’s a loser anyways.”

“Hey! I think he’s—” Henry cut himself off when he realized what she was doing. “Oh, right. You know.”

“I sure do.” She smiled.

It made him sad from time to time that Twitler took it away, but his sister had been left in the dark for so long that she deserves it from him. “Okay, but it’s kind of a long story.” 

“I got time,” she shrugged and gave her brother a smile. She really did want to hear the story, but she also wanted to give her brother someone to talk to about all this stuff. And maybe, if he keeps talking now, he’ll talk to her more about stuff in the future.

“So, you know about the computer virus.”

Piper nodded, having learned a little from the interview.

“So we had an antivirus made to kill it, but I couldn’t touch it, since I’m not indestructible, it would take away my powers too—”

“Because the virus was partially made of your powers, so they have the same properties.”

“Bingo,” Henry nodded, sadly.

“But you wear gloves? And you’re pretty much covered everywhere else. How’d it get through them?”

“I had to take the gloves off—“

Piper cut him off again with a sad, drawn out “no!”

“Yeah, the actual virus got on my gloves and if that touched me, my body would’ve been taken over by the virus. So I had to scoop up the antivirus with my bare hands. I mean, I think the entire digital world outweighs super fast reflexes, even if it’s pretty close,” he laughed. 

“Gross. Wait, why didn't you use your mask or something to scoop it up?” She asked. 

“I—” he stopped. Henry closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself down. He dropped his head, and his voice grew softer. “I didn’t think about that.”

He was ready to start crying again. If he had just taken a second to think for once in his life, he could still have one of the best things that ever happened to him.

Piper saw how sad he got when she made the suggestion, and quickly put herself in his position. She felt awful about making himself upset again, considering she has just given him an existential crisis mere moments before. 

She wrapped her arms around his back and started rambling to try to calm down her brother. “Never mind, that would be ridiculous. You’d have to risk exposing yourself to anyone who could see you, never mind if a news helicopter was flying by. That’d never work. Sorry I said that. What you did was entirely the right call.”  She racked her brain for something else to bring up to get his mind off of the previous and heartbreaking topic. “Wait, you said you had a couple superpowers. What was the other one?”

Henry exhaled before talking. “Oh yeah,” he said. “I was indestructible for like two days, a few years ago. But when I laughed I breathed fire, so we had to get rid of that.”

“Dang, boy.”

“Yeah, that was not good. Being indestructible was cool, but definitely not the fire part. There were a couple of times where I did it in front of you guys and you almost saw me.”

Piper thought of all the times she should’ve noticed that her brother was up to something. All the bad lies and excuses, spending way too much time at work, and even when she thought she knew the truth, she would be easily convinced that it was fake. She laughed. “Yeah, I was dumb.”

“You weren’t dumb. You were little. You’ve grown up a lot in the past couple of years.”

She blushed at the compliment. “I guess I did have a pretty good role model.”

#mywriting #oneshot #henry danger #henry hart #piper hart #brooke writes #by brooke

[capricornus-rex]

Old Friend, New Family (5)

Requested by Anon | Prompt:

Hey I was wondering if you’d take a prompt where the reader is an ex-padawan who’s master died pretty early on in order 66, and was instead saved by a clone that removed his inhibitor chip. Then maybe they get separated, and years later when the reader is a crew member on the Mantis, they come across the clone again? How would the crew, especially Cal and Cere, react to meeting a friendly ex-soldier clone who’s close with the reader? Could you make it full of angst then fluff? Love your writing!

Tags: Defected! Clone Trooper, Jedi Survivor! Reader, Order 66 Survivor

Also posted in AO3

Chapters: 1 – 2 – 3 | Previous: Part 4 | Next: Part 6 | Masterlist

5 of ?

The leader casually greeted the man where that familiar voice belonged to.

When the owner of the voice stepped out of the shadows to join you in the veranda, he’s clad in the same armaments and outfit as the others, even though he’s fully armored, you know that face anywhere.

The pack went into the bay and started collecting the supplies, meanwhile, you’re frozen on where you stood, staring at the man who never came back home to you.

“Strig…” you uttered.

The man turned to the call of his name, your stomach sank when he did. It is him.

His calm demeanor shifted in the blink of an eye—his casual smile melted, his eyebrows furrowed, and then his lips parted only to release soundless words. He removed his helmet, as if that was going to help him take a better look at you.

Nothing much has changed in him except for the growth of his faded haircut has grayed out, it appears he decided to keep the goatee and lost the stubble that followed his jaw, and his head tattoo is still visible but the ink’s opacity has thinned out. Nicks and scars etched his face over time, slightly pink flesh disturbed the tan skin—they were the words to an explanation that you yearned to hear directly from him.

Nevertheless, you can recognize that face anywhere.

The two of approached one another, unable to speak even though there so many things that you wanted to tell to him all this time. Strig examined you from head to toe. In his eyes, only your height has changed.

“Look how big you’ve gotten…” he cracked.

The sound of his voice made your heart skip a beat again. You cannot determine what emotion is churning in your heart right now.

Is it anger?

Is it joy?

Are you going to hug him?

Or punch him in the stomach?

Frankly, you have no idea what to do next.

“Well, go on…” Strig was nearing to a sob. “Say something.”

“You’re alive…” you barely moved your mouth.

Strig somewhat understood your words; he hung his head low, sighing as his shifted back and forth, avoiding your gaze. He wanted to explain everything to you, but now isn’t exactly the best time.

You didn’t say anything more. You simply threw yourself into his arms and the tears could no longer be contained the moment you felt Strig’s arms wrap around you.

The clone felt like a great burden has been taken out of his chest. Seeing you alive was perhaps the best thing that has ever happened to him since. His thumb ran across your cheeks, wiping away the tears rolling down from your eyes.

“Hey, don’t let them see the tough girl cry,” Strig cooed.

You sniffled and wiped the tears still stained your face, “I have so much to tell you…”

“Do you know each other?” Adrina politely cuts in when Strig was about to speak to you.

“Hey there, Adrina, I see you’ve met [y/n],”

“Yeah, she just got here. She’s helping out in retrieving the supplies, Saw’s orders,”

“Did you now?” Strig chuckled, an upward curl played along the corner of his mouth.

Adrina asked for help in collecting the containers filled with the medical supplies they badly need for the people back at the landing pad. The queue acted almost mechanical, passing one container to the next until it reaches the person waiting by the railings—Strig’s faction at the bay have improvised a pulley, knowing that another group will come to fetch the supplies.

When you were down to the last box, Strig tapped your shoulder before you prepared yourself to rappel down the supply containment bay.

“Hey, kid,”

“Yeah?”

“See you at the landing pad later?”

“Sure,” you beamed a smile. “You owe an explanation after all!”

You slipped down the rappel cord before Strig could respond to that.

Before following Adrina and the pack, you looked back once more and saw him leaning against the railing, you both waved goodbye for now to each other and went back to your duties.

“How did you come to know Strig?” Adrina began.

“He’s the one who saved my life,” you smiled privately. “When no one else could.”

Adrina narrates that she has known Strig only for a short time and knows only little. In turn, you tell your side of the story about him. However, you were cautious enough to not disclose the part that he is a clone, although, you’re already under the presumption that maybe Strig himself has told everyone in the faction.

Luckily, the young partisan didn’t go into much detail.

“You two seem very close, even after being so far apart for so long,”

“Yeah, you could say that,”

Eventually, the pack had trouble in crossing the path blocked by the wrecked AT-AT.

“Oh no, how do we get across with all this baggage?” one of the partisans exclaimed.

You set down the container you were holding and studied the walker closely. The legs would be too heavy for you to carry—even if you used the Force—and you surveyed your surroundings to see if there’s anything you can work with.

“I have an idea!” you chirped.

You scaled the body of the walker and sat on the flat surface there, high enough for you to see both sides of the path, and then you focused on the box that you put down on the ground; you extend your arm, focusing your concentration on the object until it started to rattle by itself—startling the partisans—until the box is now floating right in front of them, your action received murmurs and gasps as a reaction but it was typical. Motioning your hand to the side, the box vault over the AT-AT’s leg-and-shoulder joint.

“Everyone, vault over the AT-AT first and I’ll lift the boxes to you. Sound good?”

The group liked your idea, without a moment’s hesitation, they crawled over the gigantic metal quadruped, afterwards, you do the exact same thing that you demonstrated seconds ago. Eventually, everybody got the loot back in their hands and marched towards the landing pad, some of them came sprinting towards the area.

Your box was the last one to transfer over, when you gingerly put it down on the other side, you buckled your knees and slid down the iron giant. Adrina took a few paces ahead but still waited for you.

“That was great thinking back there, [y/n]!”

“Oh, it’s nothing, just became creative is all,”

“Being a Jedi sure must be cool!”

“Oh, uh,” you stammered. “I suppose so. It had its ups and downs.”

Oh sweetie, if only you knew what really went down for ALL of us back then. Your subconscious couldn’t help but ring that in your head, instead, you pretended that that was the exact thing you told Adrina.

Upon arriving to the landing pad, it seems that Cal surely has taken his time with Saw Gerrera and the other partisans. Continuing with your current task, you and Adrina stash the containers filled with medical supplies. Mirienna helped in receiving the supplies along with the other medics.

“Is this everything from the bay?” asked the woman.

“Yes, I just a radio call from the other squadron, they’re sweeping the other supply bay as we speak,” Adrina reported.

“Good, all the wounded should pull through for tonight,”

“What about the Wookiees? Will there be enough for them too?” you add.

“The second supply run should have enough to cover the Wookiees once they’ve been liberated by Saw,” Mirienna replied.

“I can stay here and help some more,” you offered.

“That’d be splendid, [y/n], thank you,” Mirienna replied with her warm tone.

Eventually, Strig—along with his faction—regrouped at the landing bay, dispersing as soon as each soldier went to different points of interest. You rejoined Strig by the lower platform of the hangar. He threw his thumb over his shoulder, pointing at the wrecked AT-AT.

“Did you do that?”

“Frankly, I wish it was me,”

“Who then?”

Strig saw the way your eye shift to your right. It was your mannerism.

“I know that look, Spinner,” his eyebrow flicked upward. “Eyes to the right mean you’re not telling me something… for now.”

Even three years later, he still memorized every little habit—good or bad—that you had. After all, he still had the mind of a clone—with most of the learning programs intact in his brain. The mention of his personal nickname for you made your ears prick and caused a little smirk.

“You still remember the nickname?”

“How could I forget? You were always the one sending your starfighter spinning through aerial assaults it makes me dizzy just by looking at ya!”

“Master Karos always scolded me whenever I do—even if I survived!” you beamed back.

The two of you share a hearty laugh rooted by inside jokes and fond memories, albeit brief. Your joint attention turned to the bustle happening around the landing pad—medics sprint from one side to the other, able-bodied soldiers carry their comrades and lay them down on the makeshift cots.

“Work never ends here,”

“Just like the old times, huh?”

“Yeah, except that one part,”

“We don’t talk about that one part,”

“Right.” Strig purred, ending the banter.

#cal kestis #cal kestis fic #cal kestis x reader #cal kestis x reader fic #defected! clone trooper #jedi survivor! reader #order 66 #order 66 survivor #star wars #star wars fic #sw #sw fic #star wars jedi fallen order #star wars jedi fallen order fic #swjfo #swjfo fic #sw jfo #sw jfo fic #jedi fallen order #jedi fallen order fic #jfo #jfo fic #anon #for anon #fic request #fic #request #requested by anon #anon prompt #prompt