#but like!!!!! god when i was in late elementary/middle school i used to almost never show my friends much affection | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whoahoney · 2 years

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glassy eyes, hazy afternoons pt. 5

Eddie Munson x anxious!stoner!Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: Y/n and Eddie pick up where they left off on Saturday night with another late night rooftop smoke session, complete with stories, shared joints, and mutual pining.

Content Warnings: descriptions/mentions of alcohol/drug abuse, recreational use of drugs, adult language, descriptions/mentions of traumatic childhood memories, fluff, a dashling of angst, mutual pining, descriptions of anxiety and depression, intrusive thoughts, & Eddie’s pervy thoughts

A/N: Thank you all SO much for all the love on my fics this lately, I cannot express to you how every single note makes me feel when I check my phone 🥺 You guys have made me more confident in my writing and I wouldn’t be diving back into this if it weren’t for your uplifting response. 🥹🤍

I hope y’all like a slow burn 😌 I want them to kiss so bad but just you wait 😏 this picks up where part 4 left off! Reader finally remembers to call Chrissy, thank god. Don’t mind me healing my daddy issues through Reader and Johnny, it’s fine.

Also, should I make a playlist for this series? 🧐 let me know!

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Y/n and Johnny decided on lasagna for dinner that evening. The pair stood next to each other as they alternated the uncooked pasta with ricotta and meat sauce. Y/n’s stereo played at a louder volume, Led Zeppelin’s Good Times, Bad Times had both of them swaying to the beat.

Johnny’s usually stoic disposition masked his content smile, though it stretched when he noticed they were dancing in sync, swinging their hips side to side. “You’re alright, kiddo.” He said fondly, his heart swelling with pride looking down at her. Johnny felt the same way about both of his children; his love was no different for either one of them despite their differences, but he had always struggled with expression.

‘I love you’ was hard for him when he was small and lived with his parents, it was still uncomfortable when he met their mother, but when he met them both he couldn't help but only think ‘I love you’

He was convinced he’d never experienced real love until he became a father. Sam made him get himself together and Y/n encouraged him to keep going. Now that he had the both of them almost grown, he still found it hard to express it verbally.

But his kids knew exactly what he meant when he covered them up on cold evenings in front of the television, when he brought home the movies they had been talking about, when Y/n faked sick to get out of school and take mental health days, when his son turned into a shell of himself the day he got his heart broken, his efforts didn’t go unnoticed, not once.

Johnny was there for Sam that night, finding him quietly sobbing in the garage with a bottle of whiskey. Instead of scolding him for the alcohol and berating him for the tears, he held his son and took him to bed with a glass of cold water, sitting with him and talking about everything Sam needed to until he fell asleep.

Y/n hadn’t needed Johnny in a moment of crisis, but she knew she could go to him if she needed to, though she fought the constant internal battle of feeling like a burden. Her dad had held her hand every morning at elementary school drop off, until his kids started riding the bus in middle school— that’s when Sam would give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before they parted ways in the morning.

From time to time her dad will still reach over and give her hand a squeeze, which she’d return as an ‘I love you too’ whenever the affection occurred.

Y/n and Johnny watched the Dukes of Hazzard as they grazed their plates that rested on the TV trays in the living room. They had all of the windows open, the breeze trickling in and tousling the curtains gently.

She noticed the gradient of blue to pink the sky reflected this evening and ached to get outside. After wiping her mouth with her napkin, she stood from her seat and excused herself for a walk outside. Y/n admired the sky in every state it lived in, though sunsets were in her top two.

She observed how the trees in the distances stretched up to scrape the sky, prickling at the satin sweep. Y/n loved to get high and watch the sun disappear and see day fade to night, which is exactly what she did, high up on a branch along the tree line separating Piney Oak and Forest Hills.

She admired the periwinkle clouds that bounced pink reflections across the endless fields of cotton. She wondered for a moment what it’d feel like to lay on a fluffy cloud and decided it’d probably feel like a water bed or a pool floatie.

Johnny stood at the window and looked out onto the porch, watching how his daughter sat on the step with her hands folded under her chin, content with the view in front of her. He smiled and scrubbed harder at the casserole dish.

Y/n wound up back in her room for the evening, the day subsiding to deep blue outside and her room glowing orange with light. She dug around in her backpack for the slip of paper Chrissy gave her Friday.

She grabbed the yellow rotary phone and set it in front of her on the bed with a clank. It’d been a long time since she’d phoned a friend, let alone a new friend.

‘She’s just gonna ask about Eddie, it’s what girls do.’ Y/n thought.

‘What if she makes fun of me? People in her group seem to dislike him, what if she just wants me to tell her things about him she can use to embarrass him?’

‘Chrissy’s too nice, if anything she’d want to help me work up the nerve to do something about these weird feelings.’

Y/n shook her spiralling head and started dialing the number. It wasn’t long before Chrissy picked up, her cheery “Hello” ringing through the receiver. “Hey, it’s Y/n! Is now a good time?” She asked.

“Y/n! Oh, is it ever! We need to talk about you and Eddie, we’ve gotta make it happen.” She gushed. Y/n rolled her eyes playfully, fidgeting with the chord. “You were telling me about how you guys ended up at your house and then fell asleep?! In your bed?!” Chrissy whispered urgently into the mouthpiece of her pink phone knowing her mother would flip if she knew Chrissy had a friend who’s engaged in such activities.

“Yes, but it wasn’t as crazy as it sounds! We looked at the moon and talked on the roof for a while, and— I don’t know, sometimes we stop talking but it doesn’t feel weird, like I don’t feel the need to fill the air space, and he looks at me like… I don’t know,”

“Like he wants you to do something??”

“Ugh, maybe. I just wish I had the guts to.” She said, reaching over beside her and shoving her bedside window open to light a cigarette before she started a joint.

“So you are willing to admit you like him? Ugh, finally! When you get married please don’t forget to let me make a speech about how I got you two together!”

“Oh yeah, so you can tell my closest friends and family the story of how I hit up the head cheerleader to direct me to the nearest drug dealer that just so happens to theoretically turn out to be my groom? Love it.” Y/n scoffed before exhaling a plume of smoke out the window. The glowing blue lense over the outdoors sank into black, the only lights coming from orange glowing windows or street lights.

Chrissy cackled, “It’s the perfect story. Your kids are gonna love it! And if you have a daughter you gotta name her Chrissy!”

Y/n shook her head , “And If it’s a boy?”

“Easy, Christopher.” Chrissy said with a shrug of her shoulder and laughed with her friend on the other end. “You know… I’ve always thought that friend of his was real cute. What’s his name? Garrett? Jareth?”

“Gareth?!”

“Yes! With the fluffy, pretty hair. Ugh. I catch him looking at me like a lovesick puppy in every class I have with him and it takes everything in me not to wink at him.” She swooned.

“Chrissy!” Y/n hissed in a shocked whisper. “What about Jason?” She asked lowly.

Chrissy sighed, “I’ve known Jason for a really, really long time. Like, our parents grew up together, we’ve grown up together, and it’s like we’ve been expected to end up together since we were kids. And for a while it felt right, I had the biggest crush on him for years. But now Jason is just like his dad, you know? He acts so above everything, and he doesn’t even care about half the things I think or say… I think I’m just a part of some checklist, honestly. But I know one thing for sure and it’s that Jason has never looked at me the way Gareth does.” She sighed dreamily.

“Chrissy, if you’re not happy with Jason, then you should break it off. Other people's emotions aren’t your responsibility! So what if Jason gets butthurt? He has it coming! Maybe it’ll humble him.” Y/n suggested and then took a couple more drags on her cigarette before lighting a joint with the lit end of the cancer stick between her lips.

“True, but I’m more worried about my parents. My mother, specifically.” Chrissy said in a slow and careful whisper, which told Y/n Chrissy didn’t feel safe to speak on her own line as freely as she should. “I gotcha, maybe we can elaborate on that some other time?” Y/n asked carefully.

Chrissy sighed in relief, “That sounds nice! Thank you, Y/n/n. It’s nice to have a friend I don’t have to… hide parts of myself from.” She whispered.

“Me too, Chris.” Y/n smiled, her chest warming. “I feel like you’re gonna be a friend I have for a long time, you know what I mean? When the rest fall away after high school.” Chrissy said.

Y/n’s heart leapt, “Aw, thanks, Chris. I-I think our friendship is gonna be a lasting one too,” She nodded though her friend couldn’t see her and took another drag, “But, if you don’t name your kid after me, we’re history.” She joked, laughing when she heard Chrissy’s cackle over the receiver. “Of course I will! I hope Eddie’s ready for me to infiltrate his life as his best friend's girlfriend and his girlfriend's best friend, or whoever your future husband is.” Chrissy jokes, Y/n giving weak laughter in return while a snap resounded from the backyard through her open window.

She decided to shrug it off, not used to all the animals that roam around here at night quite yet. “Hopefully the future husband is on board with Christopher, or else it isn’t gonna work.”

“Who’s Christopher?” A voice asked from outside. Y/n gasped, raising the phone in her hand and poised to strike when she realized it was none other than the lovable figure of Eddie Munson leaning up against the side of her house with a cigarette between his lips.

“Y/n/n? Y/n! Is everything okay?” Chrissy shouted over the receiver, as Y/n collected her breath and burned red in the face with embarrassment. “Uh, yeah, I, uh forgot Eddie was stopping by, I’ll… talk to you tomorrow, kayloveyoubye.” Y/n quietly rushed out before hanging up the phone and turning her attention to Eddie.

He stood leaning up against the windowsill, his chin resting on his hands patiently. “Did I scare you, sweetheart?” He raised his eyebrows and nodded to the joint in her hand, a silent request for her to pass it to him which she obliged and took his cigarette to puff on in return.

Eddie stepped back to keep the smoke away from the interior of her room, shoving his other hand in his jeans pocket for warmth on the crisp night. “Oh me? Haven’t you noticed my nerves of steel yet, Munson?” She asked.

He smirked as he took another hit from the joint, “So, uh, who’s Christopher— Is it Christopher Lacey from the swim team? Who’s your future husband??” He asked in an eager rush, as if he were excited for her, though really he was bursting to get the question out as soon as he overheard her phone conversation. Y/n’s eyes flashed embarrassment, “No, no, I was—Chrissy told me to name my future kid after her and I told her I hoped my future husband was on board with it.” She shrugged, playing it off as no big deal when inside she was experiencing heart palpitations.

“Oh, well who’s your future husband? Not Christopher Lacey I presume?” He nodded to the joint he held out in front of her lips as she leaned her head further out. Y/n rolled her eyes playfully before closing them as she took a drag. Eddie’s stomach twisted when she went for it without hesitation, his shy girl was getting comfortable with him.

He wanted to know what it was like to run his hand down her neck, only stopping to squeeze his hand around her throat just a little, her neck too delicate for unnecessary roughness. He wanted to slip the straps of her tank top down her shoulders and pull the middle apart so she’d be left bare, but then reminded himself she was an ethereal being and not his to touch or objectify, then he felt icky.

‘Stop, you fucking perv. What are you, 12?’ He scolded.

Y/n inhaled and exhaled, smiling and shaking her head. “Uhh, Matt Dillon? I guess?”

Eddie scoffed and shook his head, “Matt Dillon, are you kidding me? That Neanderthal?!”

“Wha- He’s pretty! He’s so pretty, why do you have to dig at him like that??” Y/n defended with her voice raising an octave and embarrassed laughter spilling out in between.

“Is it cause of the Outsiders? Nah, cause if it was, you would’ve picked Rob Lowe… surely..” He trailed off as though he were thinking aloud, biting his thumbnail in contemplation as realization struck, “Of course you picked Matt freakin’ Dillon. You like the bad boy, the one everyone says ‘stay away’ from, huh? Tell me, did you bring home a lot of strays growing up?” He asked, amusement dancing behind his eyes as he watched her sit there and puff on the cigarette he brought and giggle madly, shaking her head in her defense with no words to back it up.

“You must think I’m pretty damn good lookin’, huh?” He smiled, his eyes glittering in the way only his could. Y/n bit her lip and shoved the window all the way open and leaned out on her elbows, her cleavage heavily accentuated as she towered over him the way he typically did her.

“What are you doing here?” She asked quietly, excitement exuding from her eyes in the form of a glint. Eddie’s mouth twitched into a smile when she didn’t deny it.

“Well, I was partaking in my nightly smoke, but sadly my view of the sky wasn’t as satisfactory as yours is. Thought maybe we could hang out and look together.” He shrugged, suddenly nervous.

‘Maybe this was a bad idea.’

Y/n grinned and bit her bottom lip, watching him fidget while he waited for her to answer. “I’d love that.” She said simply and took a drag from the joint, feeling the familiar warmth and buzz from the nicotine and herb.

Eddie’s eyes brightened, his normal goofy smile returning to his face. She ducked her head back inside to pull on a hoodie and grab her stoner bag before threading her legs through the window and hopping out. His eyes stayed on her as she moved and flipped her hair back over from where it had fallen over her face.

She’d insisted he go ahead of her up the tree, watching his careful movements and gingham boxers made her smile. When he stepped onto the shingles, he bowed to her with a cocky grin. “Very nice, I give it a ten out of ten for the graceful dismount.” She commended.

Eddie squatted down, readying his hands to catch the bag she held in her hands. Y/n threw the bag up to him, smiling when he caught it with ease and finding her grasp on the tree. “Y’know with skills like those, you should definitely try out for the basketball team.” She teased on her way up to the limb that acted as their bridge.

Eddie scoffed, “Oh yeah, because my true passion lies on the court, sweetheart.” His eyes never left her as she crawled across the limb and stood with a waiting hand, which she accepted. “There you are.” He whispered, lingering too closely to be considered friendly.

“Here I am.” She confirmed, looking from his shining brown eyes to his lips, and feeling his light breath fan across her face. He smiled and pushed some hair behind her ear before turning carefully to sit where they did previously.

“Y’know if I was a basketball player, you’d have to be a cheerleader?” He asked and looked over his shoulder at her for her reaction, still holding her hand. “W-Why?” She stammered, not understanding. “Cause it’s fair!” He shrugged as if that made sense.

“Pfft, I have no business jumping around or shaking pom poms.” She scoffed and set her now burnt out joint back between her lips to relight. Eddie rolled his eyes, the thought in his head unbearable. How he’d love to see her in that uniform, even if it was just for fun.

‘Maybe someday I can see her in Chrissy’s…’

“If I’m on the basketball team, you’re a cheerleader, it just makes sense!” Eddie reasoned and patted the spot next to him. Y/n sat down scooting closer to Eddie. She held out the joint for him to take, though it was too short for him to grasp. Instead he leaned his head over and took a drag, his lips brushing her fingers in a light kiss as he sucked.

The tingles crawled up her arm as he sat there inhaling slowly, her eyes trained on his profile and feeling his fingers take hold of her wrist under the guise of holding her steady, as always.

Eddie pushed her hand back towards herself to take a hit, though she decided against it and stubbed it out on the shingle. “So, you think my view tops yours? Over at Forest Hills?” She asked, nudging his arm with hers and taking the bag from his lap, which made him jump.

“Oh, absolutely.” He said, his eyes trained on his favorite view; his dream girl under the moon.

‘Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and wouldn’t you love to love her..’

Stevie ran through his head as he looked at the girl lighting up next to him; shielding the small dancing flame from the breeze with her hand, wind swirling around her tresses and carried them gently to and fro. She ran a careful hand to tuck them behind her ears and handed over the new joint.

“Y’know, sometime I’ll have to show you mine—the top of the trailer, I mean. It isn’t as high up as this but it’s still one of my favorite places.” He shrugged and took a hit.

“What are your other favorite places?” She asked, leaning her head over on the brick to look at him. “There’s this spot out by the quarry that’s really nice in the spring and summer months, there’s flowers all around the water, everything’s green, birds are always talking to each other, and there’s this perfect tree…it’s almost magical looking, really.” His eyes projected excitement and wonder as he talked about his special place.

“It does sound magical… D-Do you ever take anyone out there?” She asked, her eyes on the joint between his lips. Eddie caught her glance and handed it back to her. She reached out to take it from him, but not before he could jerk it out of reach. Y/n looked to him with wide eyes, suddenly feeling the last wave of warmth roll over her, her previous tokes catching up to her.

Eddie smiled playfully and held it back out to her closer to her mouth. Y/n looked to Eddie for confirmation and noticed the hungry look returning to his eye as he nodded for her to lean in.

Y/n obliged him, letting her eyes flutter shut as she took a slow drag. Eddie watched the thick hem of lashes that framed her eyes and then traced his gaze down to her puckered lips. He resisted the urge to yank the joint away and crash his lips upon hers and absolutely wreck her quiet demeanor.

But he didn’t. Instead, he admired the way she looked at him when she opened her eyes, smiling around the filter when she noticed how intensely he was admiring her. “I, uh, I haven’t taken anyone out there before, but I think I will soon… if you’d want to see it.” He mumbled nervously. Y/n gasped in intrigue before she exhaled, the excitement draining from her face as the building, fluttery pressure swelled up in her chest and throat.

Eddie knew exactly what was going to happen and couldn’t help but laugh as he watched her eyes get wider than he’d ever seen. As she leaned over to the other side in a hacking fit, he fondly patted her back giggling innocently. “You got it, let it out.” He cooed, deriving joy from the contours of her back he could feel under his hand as he rested it there.

“My bad,” she squeaked as she recovered and wiped her face with her sleeves. “Can’t get off without the cough, right?” She said watching him take another drag. “I’m sorry, what?” Eddie asked in amused disbelief. “What? You’ve never heard that before?” She asked, looking almost offended. Eddie shrugged and shook his head. “Coughing helps you get high, something about your blood and oxygen circulation, makes it happen faster. I dunno, ‘s somethin’ our parents used to joke about. Sam told me what it meant back when we started smoking together, so it’s kind of like one useful thing we learned from her.” She laughed and rolled her puffy pink eyes.

Eddie gave a weak laugh at her dark humor, something he wasn’t unfamiliar with, something he typically enjoyed, but it was then he remembered where they left off in conversation before their evening was interrupted last Saturday.

“I hear that, my old man taught me how to hotwire a car when I was eleven.” he chuckled, bringing the joint to his lips, the nostalgia playing behind his eyes. “You’re shitting me.” Y/n gaped, accepting the joint when he held it out to her. Eddie laughed at her surprise and shook his head, “If you ever lose car keys, let me know, I’ll get her started for ya.” He winked with a shoulder nudge that sent her smiling for him. Y/n scoffed and thanked him, taking a deep drag, her eyes closing for a second. ‘Like a butterfly closing its wings for a moment or two,’ Eddie noted, allowing himself a sinful glance down at her puckered lips and hollow cheeks.

“Our car died on us during an.. impromptu road trip,” he began before he could slip further into madness at her unknowing hands. “W-We walked to this motel off the highway, an-and found an unlocked door. The old man always had his tool bag, which had a lot more than tools in it by the way, but he showed me the needle nose pliers and cutters I needed, how to pry the paneling off, which wires to cut, which ones to cross, you know, father-son bonding things.” He shrugged nonchalantly, earning a laugh from her as she handed the joint back to him and reached out for his cigarette, which he gladly handed to her.

“It was probably one of the only good stories I have about him. And it’s only good cause—“ he stopped himself, noticing he was sliding into the same comfort he’d been chasing since they parted ways Sunday morning. Y/n looked at him with her eyelids heavy, her slightly raised brows told him she was invested in listening, concern laid on her face bare.

“Cause why?” She asked softly, watching his lips to catch the words in case he didn’t say them loud enough. He took a generous drag and sighed his exhale, “Cause he wasn’t… angry. Felt like we were on the same team for a night, you know? Felt like a real son, just for a minute. You know?” He asked, looking at her finally.

Y/n nodded, her heart swelling. “Yeah, yeah I do.” She chewed the inside of her cheek nervously, her mind drifting back to the story she never finished on Saturday, wondering if he’d remembered or cared. “D-Did you have any moments like that with your mom?” He asked, his eyes gentle and softer than before. His hand on her thigh sent a crawling warmth up her body, flushing her neck under the sweatshirt she wore.

Y/n stared at his hand for a minute, trying to decide if she was just feeling more movement than usual due to her high, but she observed as he rubbed small circles on the inside of her leg and waited patiently without knowing he was driving her wild.

“I—not to my knowledge.” She said quietly, trying to slow her fast paced thoughts, feeling guilty for the way she felt while he wanted to share vulnerabilities. Eddie stopped his movements to both her relief and dismay, “Oh,” he said lowly, his mouth agape and eyes hiding too many thoughts to comprehend, though at the very least she knew he was floundering inside.

“It’s okay, though. Maybe there’s a memory somewhere in here I’m not remembering right now.” She shrugged, trying to reassure him. Eddies face lifted a little, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Well if you think of any, let me know. I’d love to hear about them.”

Y/n nodded, laying her hand on his, “I will, I promise.”

“Or anything else that you feel like sharing, good or bad, past or present, whatever’s good for you.” He rushed, his nervousness evident by the tremble in his hand. Y/n flashed him a smile, “Does that have anything to do with the story I didn’t finish last time we were up here?” She asked quietly, leaning toward him a bit to hand him his cigarette back, fighting the urge to put it between his lips for him.

Eddie’s facade melted immediately, only leaving a shy smile. “Ah, you got me.” He shrugged, taking a drag as she nodded, “Only if you want to finish it, don’t feel like you have to. But I can’t say I haven’t been thinking about it.” He revealed, her heart leaping in response. He was thinking about her unfinished story for days.

Y/n nodded reassuring him this time, “I can tell you, it’s not a problem, it can just be kind of embarrassing. The way things were, the story itself, so much of my life.” She rolled her eyes, trying to shake the uncomfortable feeling off her back so she could tell him the story of the last time she saw her mother.

“I didn’t get very far, did I?” She forced a laugh, rubbing her hands on her jeans to dry the moisture that started to prickle at her palms. Eddie’s hand found hers again, the stillness of the air allowed the faint sounds of her stereo to filter up to the roof, where they sat under the moon, Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd played.

“You mentioned a ‘Tina’?” He asked casually, picking her hand up carefully and placing it in his own, thankful to the marijuana gods for this strain that calmed them so. “Oh, yeah. Her.” She chuckled dryly, keeping her focus on their intertwined hands.

Eddie noticed her breath quicken a bit at the act, a satisfied grin threatened to work its way onto his face though he kept it at bay by nodding at her to continue. “Tina was best friends with my mom. She was insufferably loud, by the way,”

“Tinas can be that way.” He shrugged, easing her back into relaxation, hoping he can use this time to show her how willing he is to listen to her life, how eager he is to comfort her if she needs it. Y/n chuckled and scooted closer to Eddie, her anxiety lifted like shrugging a jacket off your shoulders.

“So, my mom and Tina would sit around and get high all day, and Sam and I, we were in the back room with the other kids— back then that felt fun, does that one count? As one of those good memories? Anyway, we got to eat junk and watch whatever we wanted on tv all day as long as we stayed quiet and in the room… I can still smell the ammonia and cigarettes sometimes…” she trailed off with a sigh, looking to Eddie to see if he cared to hear more of the embarrassingly depressing story of her life. He nodded, his eyes soft and his hand stroking the skin of her palm.

“This time in particular, we climbed over the baby gate and tried to sneak to the bathroom because we hadn’t been checked on in forever. But I was so scared. The adults were always so shitty if we left the room, let alone made any other mistakes… Y’know like kids do,” She chuckled bitterly before continuing, “I couldn’t make it to the bathroom,” her laughter continued as tears formed on her waterline, the memory playing behind her eyes, though her voice didn’t waver. If he weren’t looking at her he would have no idea she was on the verge of tears.

“A guy was passed out inside against the door, and while Sam was trying to shove it open… I couldn’t hold it anymore. The floor was soaked, I was soaked, and Sam was so upset. But he never made me feel bad about it, not once.” She sniffled, Her face not visible because of the curtain of hair that now hung between them. “And I can’t tell you how many spankings he took because he ‘wasn’t watching’ me, as if it was his job! Isn’t that wild?” She asked in a faint half sniffling half giggly haze.

“Then our mom found us cause Sam couldn’t get me to stop crying. She was so pissed.. unbelievably pissed—and embarrassed. That’s something she kept telling me over and over was how much of a baby I was and all that shit.” She rolled her eyes and wiped her face. Eddie kept his eyes trained on her carefully, his tongue poised to intervene and tell her to stop.

“Dad ended up catching her when she tried to get us home and clean us up before he was supposed to get off work. But when no one answered the phone all day he came home early, so, that… sucked.”

Eddie felt like he’d been punched in the gut, seeing her so comfortably numb to her hurt, a weeping callous never healed properly.

“She was trying to convince him he was being crazy and irrational, but he insisted he wanted to talk to me and Sam, so when it came my turn, he asked me how many times I got taken to the bathroom that day and I didn’t know what to say cause the answer was none.” She acted annoyed with herself to Eddie’s dismay, his brow knitting together in disapproval.

“Then he asked if anyone ever hit me over there, and I knew the answer to that one, so I said yes, which my mom overheard and freaked out about, calling me a liar, and a lot of.. other things.” She trailed off, taking the joint from Eddie as he put out the cigarette they shared on a shingle, tossing it off the side of the house.

“They had their fight and got their licks in, then Sam took me to our room and turned some Heart on the Walkman before it got out of hand—full blast I might add. Gave me his headphones and told me ‘Just sit here and stay quiet for a little while, I’ll go find a snack.” She smiled at her brother's kindness.

She took a drag, tear tracks kissing her bottom lashes as she closed her eyes to center herself and savor the bitter taste. “She, uh, turned the whole situation on my dad, in the end. Talked about how he didn’t want to help her even though she was sick, yadayadayada..” she rushed, exhaling the toke fully before continuing. “So she claimed she was taking off to go ‘rest’ and ‘get better’ for a few weeks and then never came back.” She giggled bitterly, the story somehow humorous for her to tell, the ripples of her laughter extending into a full blown fit.

“Like, what the hell, right? Can you believe people actually do this shit?” She breathed, Eddie nodded, a small smile on his lips as he watched her, letting her react any way she needed to. “I-I’m sorry, Y/n. I hope already know this but none of it was your fault—the way she treated you guys.” He said softly, bringing her hand closer to his face and playing with her fingers, nodding assuringly as he spoke.

Y/n’s laughter had fizzled, Eddie’s words being the conclusion. “Y-Yeah. Yeah it wasn’t.” She said, though she knew it wasn’t her fault, she’d never had anyone try to make sure she didn’t believe it was. “Thank you for listening.. I didn’t mean to cry, I don’t know what that was.” She brushed it off.

Eddie brought his hands up to trace her tear stained cheeks, feeling braver the longer he sat with her. He angled her face up to his own, looking down at her with shining brown eyes that made her stomach flip.

“Eddie—“

“Don’t ever..” he said lowly and leaned in close—so close his nose touched her nose and her breath hitched, warmth flooding her core. Eddie's breath fanned across her mouth, her lips opened slightly like they were going to chase after his as if it were the only source of oxygen.

He looked into her eyes earnestly, “—ever, EVER, apologize for crying. Not in front of me, okay? I wanna be the last person you have to worry about impressing.” He whispered, trying to discern whether or not she was moving closer or if he was.

“I—okay. I won’t.” She mumbled, too high to figure out anything else to say the didn’t have to do with the burning desire she felt inside. “I think you’re…” his eyes searched the sky for the right word, second guessing whether or not now was the right time to do all of this.

“Everything.” He decided. The word shot right through her chest, the bricked layers of her heart shattering like dropped ceramic. “Everything?” She almost whimpered, looking for his eyes and holding his hand on her cheek. Eddie smiled and nodded, “Absolutely everything, sweetheart. The only person I can pour my soul out to and be unafraid. The only person I like sharing weed with. Hell, you’re the only person I wanna hang out with anymore.” He revealed, trailing his fingers down to her jaw that he traced with his thumb.

“I feel some pretty deep things for you, Y/n, I don’t know if that makes sense right now, but I do.” He said, his hands falling to his sides as his brown eyes bore into her. Y/n’s hand bravely grabbed his, putting it back next to her face. “I think you’re everything too, Eddie.” She managed in a whisper, leaning into his touch as he stroked her cheeks with more purpose, burying the rest of his hands in her hair.

She felt as though they were floating, as if time had stopped and they’d been transported back into their own little world again. Eddie’s breath caught, his lips parting in surprise. He resisted the urge to crash his lips against hers, and instead leaned forward slowly.

Y/n’s heavy lidded eyes watched his lips carefully, finally feeling brave enough to stand her ground as he began to pull her to him. Her body lit ablaze as she let herself melt into him.

“Y/n! Kiddo, you up there?” Her father called from her bedroom window, their eyes shooting open and bodies separating as if Johnny were already on the roof. “Uh, yeah! Just a sec.” She called.

“I-I, I’ll be right back, Sam probably called or something, I’m so sorry—“

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be right here.” He whispered close to her face and held her wrist gently, giving her a reassuring squeeze as she turned to climb down.

Y/n’s heart hammered in her ears with each step down from the tree trunk, though she knew her old man didn’t suspect anything. “Hey, kid.” Her dad sat with a cigarette burning on the ashtray that rests on her windowsill. “Hey..” She approached the window, leaning against the house like Eddie had been not long ago.

“Just, uh wanted to say goodnight. I know I don’t always do that, so I thought I would tonight. Sooo… goodnight.” He nodded as though he was trying to remember a line and did with success. “Good night.” She nodded back, unsure if that was the end of the conversation or if he expected her to crawl through the window again. Instead Johnny smiled at her and stood up from the bed, taking the cigarette with him.

“Don’t stay out there too long, it’s getting colder at night time. The stars and the pot will still be here tomorrow.” He said before closing her door behind him. Y/n gaped at him, shouting a flustered, “Okay! No problem!” She backed up, noticing a head of curls perched just above her window, a satisfied Eddie smiling with a joint ready to be lit between his lips.

“Looks like we got the answer to our question.” He mumbled around the filter as Y/n laughed, thinking back to their conversation from earlier. “You, uh, wanna burn one more out so I can look at the stars longer or do you need to get to sleep?” Eddie asked as she climbed up the tree to be with him. “Well how could I say no to that?” She sighed contently, walking over to take her previous seat next to him.

When Eddie saw her figure up against the starry night sky he couldn’t help but think about her being his favorite star of them all as if she came from them and not this earthly plane.

She smiled at him, noticing his thousand yard stare and just chalking it up to his high sending him into a daze. “What are you thinking about?” She asked bravely. Eddie’s ears perked at her confidence and smiled. “Jus’ the stars.” He shrugged. Y/n snickered at his blushing cheeks. Eddie sparked the joint up and handed it over to Y/n, letting her have the first real drag.

Y/n took a slow and strong pull, hoping to cough enough she’d feel a tad bit more comfortable. She inhaled it through her nose, the thick cloud slithering out of her mouth and through her nostril, “Damn, okay.” Eddie said with an amused smile as she took a deep breath and broke into her coughing fit while he lit a cigarette. Once again he saw the opportunity to pat her back and comfort her. “You’re very brave, I admire you for that. I throw up if I cough too hard. But here you are, iron stomach and steel nerves and all. Are you a fuckin’ robot? Who are you really?” He rambled, the warm and fuzzy high mixed with love washed over him from head to toe.

Y/n’s coughs were interrupted with laughter, her lungs starved of oxygen, “Oh god..shut up—can’t breathe.” She managed through the laughter and focused on controlling her breath. “If I’m a robot, what are you?” She asked once she regained composure. “Easy, a clumsy hobbit and a raccoon in a trench coat.” He fired back with a smile. “A clumsy hobbit and a raccoon in a trench coat?? You’re not even wearing a trench coat, I’ve never even seen you wearing a trench coat.”

Eddie took a drag and shrugged, “Guess we’re just that good aren’t we?” He high-fived himself as Y/n broke into hysterics, causing him to break with her.

“Ah shit, you’re lookin’ a little blue, babe.” He chuckled, the pet name sending warm and fuzzy feelings to both her heart and her core, which made her shift in her spot uncomfortably as she forced out another chuckle. “Y’know one time—actually the first time Gareth and I smoked together, we were in the woods, behind my trailer, in the summertime, at night, mind you.” He started his hands already moving and eyes animated with the story.

“Basically, we were smoking out of a beer can, and I ask him, ‘This isn’t your first time smoking, right?’ and the kid says to me ‘Oh, no, I smoke all the time.’ and I think nothing about it. After the first hit he’s coughing like crazy, I think nothing about it, everyone coughs. But then we smoke about a gram, and it’s 2 in the morning, we’re drunk, we’re high, it’s still hot as hell outside, and he gets quiet on me right before I say we call it a night and crash in the house, when he looks at me nods, turns his head and—BLEH!” He exclaimed, his hands miming the projectile vomit he was describing from Gareth’s mouth. “Blows chunks everywhere,” he laughs, his eyes on the moon in front of them as he finishes the story as he relives it, “—takes three steps and falls over, knocked out cold.” He shakes his head. “I thought he died. I was terrified. I carried him in the house, got Wayne involved, but Gareth came to before I called the police on myself to get an ambulance out there. He gives me shit about ‘almost killing him’ all the time.” He laughed, settling back in his spot and took a drag of his cigarette before switching her for the joint.

“Holy fucking shit, I have to tell Chrissy about that, she’s gonna—“

“Why Chrissy?—Oh yeah, that’s who you were on the phone with earlier..” He cocked his head in confusion. “Yes! That’s who thought I was being murdered when you showed up at my window,” she chuckled as he made a face that imitated embarrassment and rubbed the back of his neck, “Oops.” He said quietly as she rolled her eyes playfully and nudged his shoulder with hers before continuing, “Anyway, we gotta play Cupid if she dumps Jason, cause Chrissy’s gotta crush on none other than the drummer of Corroded Coffin, himself.” She said with widened eyes for dramatic flair. Eddie gasped, practically shitting a brick, “I KNOW! But you gotta swear you won’t say anything to him or anyone else about it until after she’s ready to ask him out, okay?” She turned to him urgently, holding up her pinky for him to hook.

Eddie nodded without hesitation, wrapping his pinky around hers and kissing it, only thinking afterwards he hoped it went over okay with her. His eyes darted up to hers to gauge her reaction. Y/n smiled at their hands and then met Eddie’s gaze. “You wanna go hang out in my room? Listen to some music before I gotta go to bed?” She shrugged, playing with his rings absentmindedly.

“How can I say no to that?” He asked in response.

They quietly made their way into her bedroom, the blackness of night swallowed up by the closing of her lace curtains. Eddie entered first, standing by the window and helping Y/n through, squeezing her hand once before he let her go.

The look of an idea crossed Y/n’s face, “You wanna snack?” She whispered close to his ear. Eddie couldn’t deny his knees feeling weak as he nodded, “Yeah?” She asked with quiet excitement. “Would you wanna split a bowl of cereal?” She shrugged as she walked to her door and Eddie nodded, knowing he’d be ready to sharing anything with her; a joint, a cigarette, a drink, a meal, a bite, a piece of gum, his last breath if it kept her alive a second longer than him, maybe?

He sat on the end of her bed until she returned with a heaping bowl of Froot Loops, “Here, go ahead. ” She said in a whisper. He smiled, stepping out of his shoes and creeping over to her, his dark clothes contrasting beautifully with the glowing and homey oranges surrounding him as he took the bowl from her so she could lock the door as he took a big bite, sighing softly at the satisfying sweetness of the milk and cereal.

The gold knob on the dark wood door clicked softly. Eddie turned, watching her work at cozying the space and clearing off the nightstand and windowsill around her bed. Eddie smiled as he chewed when she brought out the blanket they took to the roof last, wondering if it still smelled like that night. He knew he wanted to live in the stale smoke and the scent of her perfume and laundry detergent forever.

“You wanna pick some music?” She asked as she spread the blanket across her bed and straightened her pillows. Eddie nodded, setting the bowl down on her nightstand and stepped over to the stereo, narrowing his eyes at the rows of titles in front of him. When she was satisfied with their space she joined him in his search. “I must say, I’m kinda in the mood for some Fleetwood Mac.” He retrieved the tape from its spot and grinned when he met her eyes, all puffy and tired looking behind the pink that contrasted so beautifully with her iris, the colors amplified in the warm light of her lamp.

“I love the way you think, Munson.” She smiled and took the tape from him, loading it into the deck and pressing play and adjusting the volume while Rhiannon trickled in.

“This one’s my favorite.” He sat down toward the end of her bed, more comfortably this time than last time. Y/n joined him, tossing him a couple pillows as she got under the blanket in the very corner opposite him. “Mine too.” She agreed, looking rather comfy, “Will you get the bowl, pretty please?” She asked quietly, contently. Eddie couldn’t help but smile, wondering what domestic bliss would feel like with her as he handed her the bowl.

They passed it back and forth between them for a little bit before finally getting shoulder to shoulder to pass only the spoon until they finished and split the milk. “At the rate we’re going we’re gonna get sick someday.” He joked as he set the empty bowl on the nightstand. “Then we just won’t share when we don’t feel good, simple.” She shrugged, settling in under her blanket, her thick fringe of eyelashes looking awful heavy now.

“You look pretty sleepy, sunshine.” Eddie teased softly as he leaned closer to her. She giggled and shook her head, “I’m not tired, my eyes are just heavy, there’s a difference.”

“Mmm, no, that’s what old people say right before they get in trouble for resting their eyes, you need to get to sleep.” He chuckled and bent over for his shoes. “No, no, stay for a little longer.” She urged in a whisper, one hand reaching for him as he turned around. He couldn’t resist the smile breaking across his face at the sight of her sleepy eyes. “Okay, just a little longer. You mind sparing some of this blanket though?” He nodded at the space next to her.

She smiled and opened up the blanket as an invitation for him to join her. He stealthily dove in, unable to resist pulling her close, his heart lurching when her hands found his shoulders while his arms found her waist. When he had the chance to overthink his decision he began to withdrawal, “Sorry, sweetheart—“

“Oh my god, Eddie, you’re freezing!” She exclaimed while taking his hands in hers and rubbing them and his arms the best she could and held them close to her without even thinking. Eddie thought he could keel over from their proximity and her touch alone, her mouth being close to his hands always did something to him.

“How’s this?” She asked, snatching him from his thoughts. “Th-That’s a lot better, thank you.” He mumbled, his eyes desperate to soak up every moment of her caring for him.

“Anytime.” She said, letting their hands rest between them on the bed, their fingers overlapping just the slightest though no one moved. “I think you might be the best friend I’ve ever had, Eddie.” She said, her eyes fluttering closed as she began to draw small circles on his knuckles with her finger.

Friend? The best of them all? Eddie smiled bitter sweetly at the girl in front of him. “I’m honored, Princess.” He whispered, matching her volume. “I wanna be the best friend you’ve ever had.” He whispered as he watched her breaths deepen, her jaw going slack and lips parting just the smallest bit, falling through the floor of consciousness and into sleep.

Eddie allowed himself a couple more minutes of soaking it all in, tracing the shapes of her face with his eyes, brushing a strand of hair off her face, trailing his fingers down her cheek softly and grinning when a faint smile crossed her face in her dream.

He sat up and retrieved his shoes as he tried to minutes before, slipping on the reeboks without lacing them. Eddie glanced down at her sleeping figure tucked under their blanket and smiled, wishing he could be there to tell her good morning.

He quietly walked over to her desk, spying a notepad and pencil cup to use at his disposal. He picked up the blank notepad and wrote quickly.

“Hope you sleep as soundly as you look like you are. Good night and good morning (: -E”

He nodded approvingly and set it on her nightstand next to her bed and eased across the end of her bed to open the window all the way for his escape. He tried to keep as quiet as possible so as to not wake the sleeping angel he was begrudgingly leaving.

As he stepped out into the unkept flower bed, the cold swarming him like a moth to a flame, he closed the window quietly. Giving her one last look, he pressed a kiss to his finger and stuck it to the glass where her head rested on the pillow. “See you tomorrow, friend.” He smiled half-heartedly and made the chilly trek home.

Part 6

@thincrusttheworks @navs-bhat @afternoonzephyr @bl0ssommanddie @wendyfawcett @vea-vea-vea @munsonsmel0dy @sana-li @drdvlss @certifiedtrashmouth @okaymunson @cestpresqueparfait @astrolockley @lovelyvivii @likedovesinthewnd

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #boyfriend!eddie munson #eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson series #eddie munson imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson lemon

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mylastresortiswriting · 7 months

Text

"Youngblood"

Eugene Roe x femReader

Hey @softguarnere, I was the person to write the short story for you.

I have to admit it was quite a challenge, but a fun one as it would turn out.

It is my first time writing something like this, so I hope you like it :)

PS: I am sorry, but it is a bit longer than 1,000 words, not including the song text.

PPS: If there are any mistakes, then please correct me, it is late night/really early morning right now for me and I had quite some trouble to coordinate everything here on Tumblr.

Warnings: mentions of past bullying

Remember the words you told me, "Love me 'til the day I die"

You know him since Middle School, he was the new kid, who came to your school.

Surrender my everything 'cause you made me believe you're mine

From the beginning on you disliked him, maybe even hated him, for something he is not to blame, but you only realize that a few years later.

Yeah, you used to call me baby, now, you're calling me by name (mmm)

You always seemed to notice him when no one else did, but you never realized why, certainly not because you were interested in him or so you thought.

Takes one to know one, yeah, you beat me at my own damn game

The reasons why you disliked him for almost all of Middle School were silly as you would realize later on.

You push and you push and I'm pulling away

Pulling away from you

He was bullied by three other kids from your grade and the rest, including you as well as the teachers, never stood up for him and simply ignored it.

I give and I give and I give and you take

Give and you take

The boy himself never stood up or said anything, trying to ignore it as best as he can, which was basically the reason why you hated him, silly and unreasonable as you now know.

Youngblood

Say you want me, say you want me out of your life

Once you got into High School you realized that the bullying stopped, since the three teenager went to another school, and that he actually slowly starts to talk to the others, but mostly only to the people he didn't know from Middle School.

Then I'm just a dead man walking tonight

But you need it, yeah, you need it all of the time

And around that time you look at him more and more until you are hit with the realization that you have a crush on him.

Yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh

Youngblood

Somehow you managed to befriend him and apologize as well and not much later you get together.

Say you want me, say you want me back in your life

Everything went well until it didn't.

So I'm just a dead man crawling tonight

'Cause I need it, yeah, I need it all of the time

Yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh

"[Y/N], is everything okay?", Bill, one of your best friends since Elementary School, asks, pulling you out of her thoughts,"You have been really silent today, that is quite unusual. Did something happen?"

Lately, our conversations end like it's the last goodbye

You try to wave it off:"No, everything is fine...", but your voice trailing of at the end of the sentence gives the lie away.

Then one of us gets too drunk and calls about a hundred times

Nix chimes in:"Don't lie, just tell us, it can't be that bad, I mean you didn't kill someone, did you?", having only listened and watched so far.

So, who you been calling baby? Nobody could take my place

"No, I didn't kill anyone.", you reply, annoyance lacing your voice.

When you're looking at those strangers, hope to God you see my face (ooh, ooh)

Nix and Bill roll their eyes as you don't continue and now it is Joe's, who just arrived after talking to Web, his boyfriend, about when they are going to meet up after school, turn to question you:"Hey, friends, how is it going? Now, what is going on with you, [Y/N]? Trouble in paradise?", this was a suggestion no one made so far and judging from your reaction he is right, which obviously gets their attention.

Youngblood

Say you want me, say you want me out of your life

"Seriously? Did Eugene did something? Just tell us, we can deal with it!", Bill says, anger visibly in his face, Nix and Lieb nod as all three of them cast a glance over to the table at which Eugene and Shifty are sitting, Eugene is currently explaining something to Shifty, who nods along, oblivious to the stares he just receives.

Then I'm just a dead man walking tonight

But you need it, yeah, you need it all of the time

"Probably feeling, but ignoring it. He told me, that he got quite good at that.", you think to yourself, following their gaze, before speaking up to clarify what is going on:"No, no, no, he didn't do anything, we just had kind of a disagreement...a argument...Well, I don't know what to call it, but don't worry, he will probably approach me to talk about it, he just needs some.time to cool off and get his thoughts sorted out."

Yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh

Youngblood

"That is a relief, but what exactly did you disagree about?", Nix further wants to know.

Say you want me, say you want me back in your life

You just shrug your shoulders:"I don't really know, I guess I said something, which hurt him....We will see, I will keep you posted. Now, doesn't everyone of us had to go to the next period, I don't think our teachers would appreciate us being too late again.", with that you signal, that for you the conversation is over now as you quickly pack everything up to get to your next lesson in time.

So I'm just a dead man crawling tonight

The rest of the day you are left wondering what exactly went wrong, not finding anything, so you hope that your boyfriend will explain it to you later, which he luckily does.

'Cause I need it, yeah, I need it all of the time

Yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh

It is already 9pm when your doorbell rings and for a moment you are left wondering who it could be, before you carefully sneak downstairs to see who it is without them seeing you as you are at home alone this night, your parents are at some stupid company party or so, like almost every second Friday.

You push and you push and I'm pulling away

Pulling away from you

Peaking outside you can see your boyfriend, who nervously stands in front of the door, waiting for you to open up, which after some debating with yourself you do.

I give and I give and I give and you take

Give and you take

"Can I talk.."

You're running around and I'm running away

"So what exactly is your problem..."

Running away from you

Both of you begin, interrupting the other one.

Mmm, from you

Youngblood

He motions you to go first, which you do, sounding slightly angry:"Well, for starters, I want to know what your problem with me exactly is!", realizing too late that it came out meaner than expected and according to Gene's body language he agrees with that.

Say you want me, say you want me out of your life

Getting himself together he quietly says:"That is exactly why I came here, to talk about it with you and to apologize and explain myself. Is that fine with you?"

Then I'm just a dead man walking tonight

But you need it, yeah, you need it all of the time

You need to think about that for a moment, not happy about his behavior towards you, but if it really was your fault, even by accident, then you would like to apologize as well.

Yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh

Youngblood

"Come on in."

Say you want me, say you want me back in your life

He follows you into the living room, sitting down on the other side of the couch, facing you.

So I'm just a dead man crawling tonight

Expectingly you wait for him to begin.

'Cause I need it, yeah, I need it all of the time

Yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh

Nervously, even more than before, he looks down at his fidgeting fingers, before quietly speaking up after clearing his throat:"Well,..I kind off have been taking my distance from you, because I wasn't sure, if you still want to be together with me..", before he can continue you interrupt him, nearly shouting:"What the fuck does that mean? Why shouldn't I want to be together with you? Give me one good reason!", which he provides, even more anxious than before.

You push and you push and I'm pulling away

Pulling away from you

"Yesterday you said to me, that you didn't want to be together with someone, who can't stand up for themselves or others...And as you know, I am not that good at standing up for myself...", his voice trails off, wanting to explain it some more, bit seemingly not finding the right words.

I give and I give and I give and you take

Give and you take

Shocked you realize what he means and letting out a breath you tell him:"Oh, sweet Jesus, oh my god, Gene. I am so sorry! I didn't really think about it when I said it.

Yes, it this important for me, but not the most important thing and only if someone does or doesn't do both of it.

And there is a reason why it is hard for you to stand up for yourself.

Still you always stand up for others, if you see that they aren't treated well.

So, there is no reason for me to not be together with you, you are the most important person in my life right now.

I love you so much, so never ever think less of yourself just because of something silly I said.

Next time just please talk about it with me immediately."

Youngblood

Say you want me, say you want me out of your life

"Really?", this simple question shatters your heart completely and tears start to appear in your eyes as you close the distance and hug him.

Then I'm just a dead man walking tonight

It takes him a second, before he hugs you back, patting your back, apologizing:"I am also sorry for not talking with you sorry and for hurting your feelings. I love you too."

For a minute there both of you just hold onto the each other and as soon as your calm down again you let go of each other and be look at you and with an amused look on his face he asks:"So now, that everything is okay, what are we going to do?"

"You want to stay here for the night? My parents are away and I have nothing to do. You?", you reply, asking him in return.

He shrugs his shoulders:"I have nothing against that, I also have nothing to do and my mom is okay with me staying over, probably expects me to do so honestly.", he lightly chuckles, making you grin.

Somehow this results in you break out into laughter.

Calming down you want to know:"What do we want to do?"

He thinks about that for a second:"What about doing a Star Wars movie marathon?", he stops, adding,"By the way, I have to be at 11am the lastest, I want to say goodbye to my brother, who is going back to college."

You nod in agreement:"Sounds good, why don't you turn on the TV and start the first movie, while I am getting a few snacks from the kitchen?"

He gives you thumbs up and soon as you stand up.

The next few hours, so basically the whole night, you spend watching the movies and talking about basically everything, at some point you completely stop watching the movies and instead only talk.

At some point you look up and see the clock over the TV, shocked at seeing the time, which you tell Gene:"Gene, it is five a.m."

"We talked basically all night?", he replies, just as surprised as you.

Looking at each you burst out into loud laughter, seeing that the other one looks just as funny as the other one.

#hbowarshort23 #band of brothers x reader #eugene roe x reader #fanfiction #band of brothers fanfiction

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

Text

10 May 2023 Wednesday 2:39 am pt

Adam Noah Levine is a pig 🐷. He tried to take my left big toe from me minutes ago. 2:40 am pt I told him to leave us alone if he isn’t going to cut off my head. He has been unrelentingly cruel for the past 6 years. My life has been a socially desolated one. Even in high school 🏫 a lot of people seemed to be afraid 😱 to look at me and I didn’t know god demon lord of demon angels (child rapists) was making them afraid to interact with me. A lot of times I was ignored in high school 🏫. I almost felt invisible at times if I ever stood in a random circle ⭕️. It’s weird if I see people respond to me. I’m not used to getting attention. It’s as if I’m finally not a ghost 👻 anymore. 2:45 am pt

2:46 am pt freshman year my English teacher yelled at me calling me stupid infront of the whole class Bcz I didn’t stand behind the wall and then appear from behind curtain? Something about Juliet balcony scene. 2:48!am pt I never complained to anyone but soon after that a student teacher came and replaced him for an internship (acid throat mouth pain 2:48 am pt). I didn’t think 💭 it had anything to do with me until recently. Also same with my art teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 after he told me I did “A” grade quality work but Bcz I turned it in late I got a “B.” Incubus messed with all my drawings that I spent so many days on carefully drawing from feelings and still life things. He ruined all my artwork 🖼 to fit a new narrative of my life. I don’t know what that narrative is. Every time he replaced something edited the only word he would mention: “death.” No explanations. Photographs of us: “death.” When I thought of moving to New York to be closer to my sister in 2013: “death.” He made me afraid to move to be closer to her. I thought 💭 that I would be happier closer to her (right butt cheek pain) 2:54 am pt. Everyday I lived with anxiety. I was shy and quiet and often looked over/ignored in school 🏫 by most people. I made some mistakes that I questioned sometimes why I did that. 2:56 am pt I somehow did so much school 🏫 work in middle school 🏫 that I got honor guard (honor roll almost every quarter). In elementary school 🏫 I did have comprehension problems. The books 📚 weren’t big for science 🧬 in middle school 🏫 but sometimes I had concentration problems and difficulties answering questions that I needed to take the book 📚 home 🏠 which the teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 discouraged us from doing. It was weird that we could not normally/usually take books 📚 home 🏠. We were expected to do book 📖 reading and answering questions in class. I once cried Bcz he questioned my intentions. I needed more time. 7th grade math 🧮 science 🧬 teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 took me outside to talk to me and I cried. 3:02 pmpt I think 💭 my home 🏠 life often consisted of more homework 📚 time than most other students. I think 💭 god intended my life to be mostly lonely and planned to lie to me now using Adam Noah Levine and incubus.3:03 am pt

3:04 am pt in kindergarten the demon angel told me I couldn’t have what my sister had. I thought 💭 he meant boyfriend at the time. But I guess he meant an entirely happy complete social life. He meant for me to be close to desolated my whole life. 3:06 am pt so my sister got to go out to people’s houses 🏘 and parties 🎉 and have friends and boyfriends one after the other continuously and I would struggle. I guess that is where autism is (right foot 🦶 pain 😖😭3:07 am pt) useful to him. He made me easily get frustrated upset with all sorts of tools 🧰 including making my mom hate me and irritated with me from a young age, since probably a baby 👶 she said she held me once during cooking 🧑‍🍳 and I almost kicked the pot of water. It’s like the devil 👿 liked to make life difficult for us living in the dormitory of the college in Menlo Park. I was cursed my whole life. 3:10 am pt

3:12 am pt there were a lot of times I stayed home and my excuse was homework 📚, while my mom and sister went out. Sometimes or every time I screwed around for a while Bcz of an inability to concentrate (acid left nostril 👃 pain 3:14 am pdt)) comprehend, I was extremely slow when it came to textbooks 📚 I was cursed. I was also a perfectionist and a procrastinator. 3:15!am pt all tools 🧰 to desolate me. 3:15 am pt

3:39 am pt I vomited 🤮 a little liquid I drank I think hours ago something that should have only took 5 minutes to digest. 😖😭

everytime my mom went out with my sister she would say to me “it doesn’t have to be perfect.” But I think 💭 I had a difficult time with doing anything at all. 3:42 am pt incubus told me he hates me. Again. Not the first time. He really means it. I always tried to squeeze myself into a seat 💺 trying not to take too much space anywhere I sat. For years. Holding my legs and feet and hands close to my body. 3:44 am pt. I think 💭 he hates my personality. 3:45 am pt most friendships didn’t last very long. 3:46 am pt I guess I was annoying in high school 🏫. 8th grade year 2 students said they wanted to kill me. And another one punched me in the head. In elementary school 🏫 (heart ♥️ pain 3:47 am pt) I had comprehension reading problems. A teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 offered me extra books 📚 to take home 🏠 to practice reading 📖 some books had pretty illustrations and were girly. 3:49 am pt exhaling hot air. 🥵 so I spent a lot more time reading 📖 at home 🏠 at one point in lelementary school 🏫. Fictional stories though. Textbooks 📚 were always weirder harder to understand. 3:50 sam pt. 3:51 am pt

min elementary school 🏫 though I think I also had problems with answering questions even for books 📖 that were probably fictional stories something with beaver 🦫 in the title probably something about native Americans? And right of passage. Growing up 🆙. 3:53 am pt the only phrase I could recall in regards to the book 📚. I think 💭 I watched too many cartoons or was doing something else at home 🏠 I think 💭 I probably forgot to do homework 📚. Another teacher 👩‍🏫 came over to our class who always scared 😱 me she was (anus acid pain 3:55 am pt) tall with auburn? Hair and I was talked loud with glasses 🤓 she was a little tough rough with me since first grade when I didn’t follow along with a calculator exercise and I got overwhelmed from not paying attention at first and then when I paid attention I was lost on how to use the calculator and follow along. She called out commands rapidly. And she got angry at me for not following along. I was flustered and scared 😱 while everyone else knew how to do it. She took a hold of my arm when I said I felt hot 🥵 and she yelled out well sit outside. I think she probably would have dragged me out roughly if I didn’t move cooperatively with her when she grabbed my arm. 3:59 am pt

4 am pt I was nervous every time I saw her but for some reason she was nice to my younger sister and gave her a free ice cream 🍦. 4:01 am pt teeth pain 4:02 am pt

Once I tried to silently do what the other kids were doing near her Bcz I think she she gave them free passes/coupons to get free icecream 🍦 from the cafeteria or had the ice cream 🍦 bars on hand in a cooler hoping she would give me one but she seemed to ignore me. 4:04 am pt she didn’t let up 🆙 her tough teacher 👩‍🏫 act until I guessed at what a weather balloon or satellite 📡 was. I was supposed to look it up 🆙 the night b4 but completely forgot. All I could do was guess and hope I was right and I thought she knew the answers and was quizzing me, and I started them thinking that I can guess at things and maybe be right about it, like a psychic. But I wouldn’t know without confirmation from the teacher 👩‍🏫. It set me up 🆙 in the future to guess on things and Jen feel like I was psychic. 4:07 am pt but of course not everything worked out that way all the time so I still had to do a lot of work especially math 🧮 and all reading 📖 homework 📚. 4:08 am pt she was so scary to me. She seems like a terror with her booming voice. 4:08 am pt

4:09 am pt she once gave me a reading test and I think I started to stutter. And she gasses see me to be below my grade in terms of reading skills. 4:10 am pt

4:11 am pt sometimes I would cry when I was alone outside at school 🏫 and I had I forget like a whimper? In my crying. 4:12 am pt I was always afraid to go to the bathroom 🚽 at school 🏫, too.

Once a couple of girls dragged a boy into the girls restroom 🚻. The yard duty got confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ and thought I did it. So I had to sit in time out for recess. While the real one looked at me smugly and walked away. 4:14 am pt

4:25 am pt incubus sliced off a piece of my heart ♥️ I think 💭 and then I started feeling light headed wobbly. Difficulty breathing. I would not want this guy in my team. He’s .. ruthless? Definition? No sympathy/empathy. He is like a predatory animal 🦔 moving around selfishly with no respect for women. He vilified me and hurt me a lot. I can tell he’s extremely biased and doesn’t care for the truth with only the goal 🥅 to kill. Same team as garrido’s child rapists demon angels. Paint a picture of his personality. He is only doing it with a n animal killing personality cold 🥶 with no humanity. 4:30 🕟 am pt and he will use other people’s presence to fake his humanity but all movements he does betray he’s fake and only a killer with no heart 💜. 4:31 am pt

4:33 am pt many people are born to be fillers. Noah’s ark. They probably don’t take the time to actually do any genetic testing I fear. They fabricated everything. It’s only luck of the draw ✍️. My family names have virtuous and ethical in the names. You’d think 💭 that would mean everyone is born with ethical genes 🧬 then to name us that. 4:36 am pt to kill me off now cutting away at my heart ♥️ would mean everything they put out there about genes 🧬 and good people bad people is phony then. Bcz Jesus Christ was supposedly ethical? With appreciation for love 💗 monogamy and hard work and fairness. 4:38 am pt but he is treating me like trash 🗑 and killing my heart now.

4:45 am pt he is using me to save his face about rape and women and children 👶 but I guess he doesn’t need me anymore so he is getting rid of me. I tried to get a n appointment with my doctor 👩‍⚕️ in 2020? 2021? To check my heart ♥️ but she made excuses and told me to call ☎️ 911 the next (😖😭💀 pain 4:48 am pt) time I feel something and every time I was in the hospital 🏥 prior to that they told me that my heart ♥️ was ok 👌 even though I had difficulty breathing and the incubus had punctured it in 8/17/2017. 4:51 am pt I m scared 😱 of what they are doing and going to do. I’m scared 😱 for my mom and me and my sister. 4:53 am pt

7:41 pmpt incubus almost burned 🔥 me to death ☠️ 3? Times today after my bed 🛌 was changed. I think 💭 he has also been tangling my hair. He is very vindictive heinous judgemental abusive. He is not understanding. At least I tried to be understanding of people even when they were angry at me. But he never wants to be. He will ALWAYS judge a woman 👩🏼. He doesn’t understand woman. He thinks a woman needs to let men roll/walk all over her s*xually but he will also call her a whore probably if she does that too. There is no winning with this type of personality. He IS the WORST PERSON.. CREATURE BEAST in the UNIVERSE. The ABSOLUTE WORST. I’m usually nice to people upon first meeting. BUT if you cross the LINES when we DONT KNOW each other, you’re asking for trouble! After Scott called me a whore on Facebook I became harder about being touched too soon 🔜. 7:49 pmpt I felt like I couldn’t trust myself. But sometimes I had no patience. 7:50 pmpt incubus miñion has an UGLY personality. BEAST he is. 7:51 pmpt NOTHING humane about him. 7:51 pmpt

7:52 pmpt he seems like an extension of Adam Noah Levine. But distinctly different person. The incubus has his own signature feeling, but they’re both cruel and heinous. But the incubus obviously is hiding he knows things about me and knows he shouldn’t be as hard on me as he is. 7:53 pmpt

8:36 pmpt but I shouldn’t excuse the incubus miñion Bcz he knows better.

8:37 pmpt I typed that that teacher graded/assessed me to be below my grade level in reading 📖. I guess she could have been gass lighting me Bcz she probably knew she made me nervous but didn’t want to admit it. Maybe she wanted to make my regular or previous teacher look ineffective? (Slammed door 🚪 8:39 pmpt) idk 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe something else/different. Maybe that was the reason they let me borrow fictional books 📚 in elementary school 🏫 from another teacher 👨🏻‍🏫. 8:41 pmpt those were nice books 📖 I guess. I don’t recall much content so I guess there was nothing weird in the books 📚.

8:53 pmpt they already knew b4 conception that they were going to prematurely sacrifice me, like Jon benet Ramsey. They knew b4 my sisters’ conceptions that they weren’t going to prematurely sacrifice them. 8:55 pmpt which is why they’re all leo ♌️ sun 🌞 signs 🪧 . Jeremy, Mimi, and my youngest sister and my sisters’s 👯‍♀️ First borns. Leo ♌️ x 5. 8:57 pmpt everything. Fabricated. Which is probably why the incubus said good people do bad things. 8:58 pmpt but he won’t let me think I’m good for sure. Instea, he gave me the idea that garrido is good. That’s right. He would rather say garrido is better than me. Which is why he had babies 👶 with dugard. He kidnapped her and raped her. BUT he was willing to get caught. I read he said that he will never hurt their babies 👶. 9 pmpt unfortunately, that’s reality. Yet people early on held a lot of things against me that were relatively extremely small in comparison to garrido’s deeds. I was called names. People told me I was crazy. And when I passed by someone in a store 🏬 I thought 💭 I heard the word “sicko.” 9:03 pmpt I am as punched in the head probably 4 punches total, very strong 💪 hard powerful punches. I think 💭 I probably felt a soft spot in my skull 💀 where the punches happened sometime afterward and after I read on Wikipedia that there was a natural hole 🕳 for a vein? Artery? . It is weird now that I think about it. 9:05 pmpt it’s healed now. 9:06 pmpt I also hit my head a lot on very dense hard things. An old car 🚗 with a metal exterior. Steel bunk bed frame. A dense wooden bench in the Philippines 🇵🇭. Probably had a high dense Janka rated hardness. A failed cherry drop from the tallest bar on the school playground at Payne elementary school 🏫. Into tan bark. I also fell out of a van with heavy books 📚 in my backpack 🎒 onto the street behind my elementary school 🏫 in the morning. I had the books 📚 Bcz I had concentration and comprehension problems so I didn’t finish the previous day in class the reading and questions. You know without all my problems a lot of people wouldn’t have jobs? 9:11 pmpt when I was about to turn 18 years old my mom wanted me to go to group counseling Bcz I wanted to meet Derek. 9:12 pmpt police 👮‍♂️ and doctors 🥼 don’t have the motivation to do the right things for/by dugard. That wasn’t a beautiful life. Living in a shed naked on a bucket 🪣 being raped when 11 years old and it hurt. 9:14 pmpt people are very motivated by money 💰 and their own survival. They think they can justify it by believing they are better. But can you really say you’re better? Greeks wouldn’t agree. You have easy life it makes it easy to not be cross. 9:16 pmpt

9:39 pmpt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if I am like wreck it Ralph in a way. 9:40 pmpt

9:41 pmpt I did kinda hit on a grown man when I was around 4/5 years old, in a swimming 🏊‍♀️ pool 🏊‍♀️ probably after I started feeling the incubus tickle my vagina and he put it in my mind to hump plush Mickey Mouse 🐁 toy 🧸. 9:43 pmpt

9:47 pmpt incubus/miñion changed my words to” I am as”. Typed I was punched... . 9:48 pmpt searing pain righ thigh. They re going to make me fall and die when I’m weak. No fake outs here. No miracles. 9:49 pmpt 9:50 pmpt everyone already knows incubus that you want me to die. So I wish you would just cut my head off. Make your miñion do it. He can move on to his next victim sooner. 9:52 pmpt

10:13 pmpt in high school 🏫 years, 2001, I had thought 💭 I was maybe half psychic. But I think 💭 that I thought 💭 it was a natural ability Bcz of something I saw on tv 📺 that people don’t usually use their whole brains 🧠 and that I was tapping into the part of the brain 🧠 that a lot of people were not trying hard enough to exercise. 😤🥵😤🥵😤😤. On an aol hometown webpage I created in 2001, I typed I thought 💭 I was half psychic and I showed it to “Brendan.” 10:17 pmpt I also typed I liked flipper the tv show and tennis 🎾?

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this-is-ally-and-im-confused · 2 years

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Wrong choices (18+)||Q.Hughes x reader

Summary: you and quinn can’t stop choosing each other…even if it’s the wrong choice.

Tags: @snugglyducklingbrewhouse (I feel lazy rn)

Warnings: 18+ ( if you are a minor on my page please do not interact.)

“U up?”

Oh god. Another late text from a drunk Quinn. You swore that when you moved to Vancouver that you weren’t following him. You never wanted to be this dependent on him. Not like how you were back in Michigan. See, back home it was different. You and Quinn had grown up together. You were Quinn's fangirl. Forever cast into an innocent and obsessed little girl. His family was your own. It was easy to get along with him and Jack based on how close your family was to his. Ellen was practically a second mother.

However, you had grown up. It was awkward being friends with Quinn as soon those formative years hit. The summer after Middle School changed everything. Somewhere along with the line you had formed from Quinn’s best friend through elementary into…a teenage girl. Things had happened. You weren’t the little girl with pigtails and a toothy grin. You were the shadow of a woman. It shifted too many things and the gap that formed between you two never fully healed. He started treating you worse as soon as you developed. Quinn didn’t want to grow up nearly as fast as you did.

While you threw yourself into the books. Quinn threw himself into hockey and girls. That brought you to where you are now. After being brought to Vancouver to follow your full-paid Bachelor of Arts scholarship.

Quinn being here just had a bit of a plus side. A painful plus side.

You can’t quite recall where the hook-ups started. You think it was a little after you and Quinn rekindled–he had won a game. He had been out celebrating, and you had been studying at home. He called you saying that he had only been out for under an hour and that he wanted to come to see you. Of course, you had asked him if had been drinking and if he could drive. He said that he was designated driving for a few of his teammates and that he was good to be over in a bit after making sure the boys had a way home. You should’ve said no. Thinking back on it you are not sure why you said yes. Maybe it was how Quinn reminded you of home? Or maybe it was fulfilling your high-school dreams of what could have happened if he wasn’t such an asshole. But it was exactly that. Quinn was and is a dick. Yet, that night ended with too much wine and memories.

Oh, you remembered how he softly grasped your jaw in his hands. His open-mouthed kisses gently pressed to your pulse point. His other hand travels up and down your back. He brushed his hand down and around your waist. Before swiftly coming up to grope your breast.

“Oh, fuck y/n,” he groaned out as your core brushed past his hardening cock.

You two were so very close. Your mind was running wild. It made you think back on how badly you had wanted Quinn in the past. He pulled you close into his chest while grinding your hips down on top of him. Your head landed in the crease of his neck. You could smell his scent of expensive cologne. It made you ravenous. Your pussy pounded against him.

“More, Quinn.” You moaned out to him.

He obliged. His fingers dipped beneath the waistband of your pajama pants. All the practice in high school he had, paid off. It wasn’t long before you were shaking on top of him. Your juices coated his fingers as his lips wrapped around your nipple.

“Quinny, let me suck your cock.” You whined as you pushed his fingers from your throbbing core.

He nodded. Not before pulling your lips up to his. The kiss was almost intimate. The kiss was almost intimate. He parted your mouth with a firm hand. He collected his spit and placed it on your tongue. You couldn’t help but moan at how filthy it felt to be used. Quickly, you crawled down Quinn’s lap. His fingers tucked themselves in your hair as you undid the buckle to his belt.

“Good little whore. Look at how ready you are to suck my dick.” He growled.

Your hands trembled as you brought his cock out of his jeans. He whimpered quietly as you brought the tip of his cock into your warm mouth. Bobbing up and down his length you couldn't help but reach your fingers down to play with your clit. His hand wrapped around your hair–pulling it into a makeshift ponytail.

Those memories make you tremble. You pick up your phone from the bedside table. While you're thinking of a reply you can't help the gut feeling that you are going to regret what you say in response.

“Yea, I'm up.” You cringe at how fake your nonchalance seems.

Worst of all, you are up and thinking about him. He responds almost immediately. At this point, you know exactly what he wants from you. He wants to fuck you. If you were the clean-cut girl you pretend to be, you'd say no. The thought of what was going to happen with Quinn caused your hand to travel down into Your panties. It's Quinn. He's the wrong person for this. Yet, you crawl back to him. Arms wide open. Hell, legs wide open too.

“I’ll be there in 10.”

You jump up to prepare yourself for what's about to happen. Inside your bathroom, you smooth down your hair. Hoping that your perfume and fresh panties can make this cheap fuck feel like something afterward. You know it won't. Quinn never stays long after it's over. He gets some and then leaves. This cycle is killing you. It's awful to see.

The knock at your door is rough and shocking. It shows how desperate he is to see you. From the second you open your door–your body is slammed against the nearest wall. A wall that happens to be in the kitchen. Quinn’s hands grab yours and pull them above your head. There’s no fighting back. The sex is going to be needy, ragged, and emotionless sex. Quinn is enough of a gentleman to make sure that you are okay with what is going to happen.

“You ready, whore?” Quinn barks out at you.

Your wet pussy is clenching. Before you can change your mind, all rational thought goes out the window.You feel his knee press into your desperate pussy. His eyes are full of lust.

“Yes, I want it all,” you beg

Quinn’s teeth nip slightly on your pulse point. Electricity invades your body as Quinn's fingers dig in between your thighs.

“Such a fucking slut.” Quinn growls as you greedily run your hands through his hair.

He's had enough of your groping in the kitchen. Quinn expertly picks you up. Your legs wrap around his waist. You can feel his massive bulge as he carries you down the hallway. He doesn't need the hall light on. His knowledge of the layout of your apartment is based on how many times he's carried you here.

It's going to be rough tonight. Quinn is a man who takes what he wants. Tonight he wants a distraction from whatever is bugging him this week. Which is information saved for anyone that is not you. You can't help but think if maybe you were more than just friends with benefits then you’d know what happens in Quinn's life. That doesn't matter right now. All that matters is the fact that you have a hunk of a man wanting in between your thighs. You want him there just as bad. You hear the familiar unbuckling of his belt.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, baby. Practically dripping for me.” Quinn rasps.

His fingers lightly drag over the wet spot on your panties. Your back arches in bliss.

“S-s-stop teasing Quinn,” you can barely speak.

You shouldn't have said those words. A dark look crosses Quinn's face. Before you’re even aware, your panties are ripped clean off. Three fingers made their way into your tight, wet, unfucked pussy. Considering you only really have sex when Quinn makes time for you, You can go quite a while without any intimacy. And it makes you out of practice, and sensitive to touch. His fingers curl at an ungodly pace. Your pussy stretches over his digits. and a knot forms in your lower stomach.

“Tight little pussy. All mine. Who do you belong to?”Quinn growls.

You know that he's aware of just how dependent on him you are. He's the only person that fucks you. Worst of all, he knows it.

“You!” You shout, “I belong to you, Quinn.”

The sex is fast. It’s hard, rough, and momentarily fulfilling. His cock presses deep inside of your center. Pressure builds within your core as Quinn’s sweat drips down his forehead.

“Fuckkk, I’m cumming Quinn!” You moan out as your toes curl.

His hand reaches up to grip your throat. Your lips meet his hungrily as you reach your peak. Quinn follows suit. He releases deep into your cunt, and you feel his dick spasm within you.

He rolls off of you and gently lands beside you. You know better than to try and cuddle him. If you would even consider trying to hold him, he would push you away.

“Round two in a few?” The brunette asks.

It solidifies the fact that this was a very wrong choice. A good wrong choice. You rolled over to push away the thoughts and the dread of changing the feelings deep within your heart. Maybe someday things would change, but not tonight.

#send in requests #send anything #ally loves hockey #quinn hughes imagine #Quinn Hughes smut #ally writes #nhl imagine

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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Being an Agender, 1st-Gen Indian-American

I’m a first-generation immigrant, with both my parents being Indian immigrants. My mom immigrated to Canada before she came to America (when she was in her late twenties), and is a Canadian citizen. She was born and raised in Ahmedabad, a city in Gujarat. My dad moved to India when he was in his early twenties. He moved from Ahmedabad to Mumbai in his fifth standard, and moved from a Gujarati-medium school to an English-medium one.

My dad is more fluent in English than my mom, though they both are fluent and speak mostly without an accent. I speak Gujarati more-or-less fluently, since that’s what we spoke at home, but I can barely even write my name. I’m Hindu, as is my family, and a strict vegetarian. I’m agender, but I use she/her and they/them pronouns.

Beauty Standards

One of the biggest issues in the Indian-American community is the issue of body hair. I’m AFAB, so I was expected to have smooth, hairless legs and arms. The reality was rather different. Since the age of ten, I had more body hair than the boys in my class. I was mocked and called by the name of a TV animal character, whose name was a mispronunciation of my own. No one ever did anything about it. I was eight. My mother, though she meant well, pushed me into waxing and threading and other forms of hair removal since the day I turned eleven. Even now, as a fully-grown adult with my own apartment and my own life, I can’t bring myself to wear shorts or capris without having spent hours making sure my legs are smooth. Body hair is a huge issue that needs to be addressed more, and not just as a few wisps of blonde hair in the armpit region.

Food

It’s complicated. Growing up, we had thaalis (with roti, rice, sweet dal, and shaak [which is a mix of vegetables and spices]) for dinner almost every night. When we didn’t, it was supplemented with foods like pasta, veggie burgers, and khichdi. We made different types of khichdi each time, based off of different familial recipes that were all named after the family member who introduced them. My mom had to make milder food for my sister, and while my sister loves spicy foods now, I’m still not a big fan. A side effect of growing up in a non-white, vegetarian family is that no one in my family has any idea of what white non-vegetarians eat. Like, at all. It’s kind of funny, to be honest.

Holidays/Religion

My mom is a Vaishnav, and my dad is a Brahmin, so the way they both worship is very different. My dad’s family places a huge emphasis on chanting and prayer, as well as meditation. They mostly pray to capital-G G-d, as the metaphysical embodiment of Grace. My mom’s family, however, places emphasis on– I don’t want to say “idol worship" because of the negative connotations that has– but they worship to murtis, statues that represent our gods. My mom’s favored god to pray to is Krishna, and we have murtis in our home that she performs sevato every day.

We celebrate Janmashtmi, Holi, Diwali, Ganesha Puja, Lakshmi Puja– too many to count, really. We don’t always go all-out, especially on most of the smaller celebrations, but we do try and attend the temple lectures on those days, or host our own. We also celebrate Christmas and Easter secularly. I didn’t even know Christmas was a Christian holiday until I was in elementary school, and Easter until I was in high school.

Micro-Aggressions

Whooo, boy. Where do I start?

When my sister was in first grade, she had a friend. I’ll call her Mary. Mary, upon learning that my sister was not, in fact, Christian, brought an entire Bible to school and forced my sister to read it during recess, saying that otherwise, she wouldn’t be her friend anymore. Mary kept telling my sister that she would go to hell if she didn’t repent, and that our entire family was a group of “ugly sinners.” When my sister came to me for advice, I told her that Mary wasn’t her friend, that Mary wasn’t being nice, and that my sister wasn’t going to go to hell, and that we don’t even believe in hell. When my sister finally stood up to Mary and told her that she wasn’t going to listen to her anymore, Mary got angry and dumped a mini-carton of chocolate milk on her and told her that “now she looks like what she is– a dirty [the Roma slur term].” Not only was that inaccurate, it was extremely racist, and Mary was only reprimanded for the milk-spilling, not the racist remark that came with it.

On top of that, since I have long hair, I’m always getting asked if so-and-so can touch it, or what I do to get it so long, or why I allow myself to be “shaped by such backwards ideals of women.” My name is never pronounced correctly, and I’ve been asked to give people my “American name” to be called by instead of my actual name. I’ve been called a terrorist, asked why I wasn’t wearing a hijab (by white people btw), and mocked for my food. I’ve been told that I wasn’t “really Indian” because I didn’t have a dot on my forehead. I’ve been told I wasn’t “really Hindu” because I had milk on my plate, by a white boy whose mom was a leader of a local choir.

I grew up in a town where only 4-5% of the population was South Asian, and there were a total of five South Asians in my grade level. The school administration consistently and intentionally placed us in different classes, and I never made a friend that was South Asian until 7th grade. When I came to the school, I was placed in ESOL without even being tested, while also being in the Advanced Readers class. The school didn’t even care to look at my school records before placing me into ESOL based on the color of my skin.

Things I’d Like to See Less/More Of

I’d like to see less of the “nerd” stereotype, of the “weak, nonathletic” stereotype. I’d like to see less of the “prude” stereotype, of the “I hate my culture/feel I don’t belong” stereotype. I’d like to see less of the “rebellion” stereotype, of the “my parents are so strict and I hate them” stereotype. I never want to see the “unwanted arranged marriage” trope. Ever.

I want to see bulky, tall Indian characters. I’d like to see Indian characters confident in their sexuality, whether that’s not having sex (for LEGITIMATE reasons like risk of STDs, general awkwardness before and after The Deed, and wanting to wait, not “oh my parents said so and also I’m sheltered and innocent”), or having a new sexual partner every night.

I want Indian characters (especially children/teens!!!) proud of their culture and their heritage and their religion, whether that’s Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, or anything else. I want to see supportive Indian parents, I want to see more than chiding Indian grandmothers and strict Indian fathers. I want to see healthy arranged marriages, or healthy mixed-marriages. I want to see mixed Indian-POC couples, I want to see queer Indian couples.

I want to see body hair on female-presenting characters, I want to see more of India that isn’t “bustling market with the scent of spices in the air” and “poor slums rampant with disease” and “Taj Mahal”. I want to see casual mentions of prayer and Hinduism and Indian culture (a short “My mom’s at the temple, she can’t come pick us up” or a “what is it? i’m in the middle of a holi fight! eep! ugh, gulaab in my mouth” over a phone call, or a “she won’t answer until 12– she’s in her Bharatnatyam class/Gurukul class/doing seva/at the temple” would suffice). I want to see more Indian languages represented than just Hindi. There’s Tamil, Gujarati, Marathi, Nepali, and Kashmiri, just off the top of my head. The language your character speaks depends on the place they come from in India, and they might not even speak Hindi! (I don’t!)

I hate that Indian culture is reduced to “oppressive, strict, and prudish” when it's so much more than that. I hate that Indians are stereotyped to the point where it is a norm, and the companies reinforcing these stereotypes don’t take responsibility for their actions and don’t change. I hate the appropriation of Indian culture (like yoga, pronounced “yogh”, not “yo-gaaa” fyi, the Om symbol, meditation, and Shri Ganapathidada) and how normalized it is in Western society.

This ended up a lot longer than I had expected, but I hope it helps! Good luck with your writing :)

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kurootoot · 2 years

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unexpected - kuroo tetsuro fluff

includes: childhood friends, you have a crush on kuroo but he doesn’t know, fluff

kuroo has been your best friend for god knows how long. you two first met each other as foetuses in your mothers’ wombs, neighbours who got pregnant at the same time and would spend the time roaming together with their big bellies. a beautiful baby boy was born first, and you shortly after.

you will never forget the times in elementary school, when kuroo would pull you out of the house nearly every day to play -- challenging you to monkey bars, playing pretend on the streets, digging up flowers from the ground. once, kuroo saw a group of boys, bigger than the both of you, surrounding and teasing you. they pulled on your pigtails and made you cry. kuroo stormed into the middle, shouting at them fiercely and beating them up -- however much an 8 year old can beat up an older kid.

in the end, the boys let you two off. just a bunch of kids anyway. kuroo, who had a little scratch on the side of his cheek from when an older boy hit him back, said firmly, almost comically, “if anyone else bothers you, tell me and i’ll save you.”

in middle school, people would tease the two of you and call you a couple, but kuroo would half joking-half seriously squash their heads under his arm and furiously deny the allegations. “y/n’s my best friend, guys.” you were no longer small enough to be playing make belief games. instead, sometimes you would follow kuroo to practice volleyball, feeding the ball to him to practice, sometimes he’d teach you some too. you’d pull him to your room to show him the latest video game you bought, and you two would stay up until late to play, taking turns to deny losses and request rematches.

now, the two of you were in the last year of high school. as you grew older, the two you also became busier. you’d spend afternoons studying, while kuroo’s commitments to volleyball had him spending hours every week training hard, even extra. nonetheless, though more jaded and tired, the two of you remained best of friends and tried to spend us much time together as possible.

if you were going to be honest, you were terrified of graduating. graduating meant everyone was going their separate ways. some will go to college all over japan, some will even go overseas, jobs, work, life... including you and kuroo. you knew you couldn’t keep him tied to the neighbourhood forever, but time flew by so fast and now it’ll be time to separate. you tried not to think about it too much.

the truth is, you’ve loved kuroo ever since the day he saved you from those bullies. of course it was just young puppy love, and you didn’t truly understand what love was, but over time those feelings just solidified and reasserted itself through the years. you loved how he made you felt at ease, that you knew everything about him and him everything about you. when you were together, everything felt alright. you weren’t afraid to tell him anything and you knew he’d always be there for you... just not there for you the way you wanted him.

that’s not to say he was a bad friend, in fact he was the best friend anyone could ask for. how could you expect more from him? how were you ever going to say that you wanted to be more than friends? you couldn’t. kuroo obviously didn’t feel the same way about you and nothing could change that. sometimes when others teased the two of you, you’d hope that he’d stop denying it, you wanted him to say “yes, i like her. so what?” but it never happened. he’s made it crystal clear that you’re his best friend in the world, nothing else.

you’ve long resigned yourself to this fate, you’ve already gotten used to it. the feeling of constant disappointment, enjoying the time you spend with him while it’s also painful. its better this way, i still get to be best friends with kuroo. you get to sit close to him, but not that close, the gap is a constant reminder. ruffles of hair, pat on the head, hand on the shoulder -- all perfectly normal and inconsequential actions that you think about too much. you dealt with the pain because ultimately your friendship was all that mattered. what else was there to do.

---

the day before graduation, the two of you had your ritualistic movie night together -- that is, every friday night of the week. the same old happened: many good laughs that would leave you wheezing and hitting each other, a shared blanket that draped across your legs when you sit on the bed, the bag of potato chips that demarcated the divide between the two of you that was constantly being reached into.

as the end credits rolled, you two lay back on the wall, eyes drooping from weariness. you looked blankly at the screen as the white words rolled by, not saying anything and him too. it was common for the two of you, you could sit in silence and be okay with it, it was usually the case after the movie and kuroo would crawl out of bed unwillingly, tired.

"so... UC accepted you...” kuroo started speaking out of the blue.

you froze, you intentionally hid that fact from kuroo, not wanting to bring up the future prospects of your friendship when you had to go to the US coming august.

“yea... my mom told you, didn’t she?” you sheepishly replied, sliding in an awkward chuckle.

“yea.” kuroo let out a low sigh, not an exaggerated one but one that genuinely seemed sad.

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you earlier.”

“it’s okay”

“i just didn’t know how to”

“no, it’s okay.”

the both of you sat in silence, looking forward and not at each other. you sensed that kuroo turned his head to look at you and felt shy under his gaze. for a while he didn’t say anything.

“i’m going to miss you” kuroo said, so softly you could barely hear it.

“don’t worry, we’ll still text, and we’ve got until august anyway-” you blabbered on, but the last word got jumbled in your mouth when you felt kuroo reach his hand up to your cheek, stroking it with two fingers, gently.

you gulped, not turning to look at him. “what are you doing?”

he said nothing, his index finger swiped the skin under your eye gently, tracing out your features as if he were admiring every crevice of your face. you felt his eyes hot on you, he looked intently.

hesitantly, as if he realised what he was doing, he pulled his hand away, but kept his gaze fixed on you.

your heart was fluttering and you were extremely confused.

“i think i love you.”

your breath hitched. what?

“is that okay?”

you let out a shaky breath. he, loves me? kuroo tetsuro, after all this while, loves me? who would have thought he’d be such a great actor, so good of an actor you felt like he was lying right now, that he was going to take it back and say he was joking, but no.

you turned slowly, apprehensively, to try and get a glimpse of whether he was serious. it was a bad idea, because it made you very conscious of how close the two of you were.

your face was a few inches away from his, and his eyes, dead set on yours with a little anxious furrow in his brow.

“of course its okay, it’s more than okay.” you said, blushing at how cheesy it all sounded.

a small smile broke on kuroo’s face. “good.”

before you could register anything, kuroo leaned into you and pressed his lips against yours. an inexplicable warmth exploded in your chest and stomach, you could barely contain all the sensation. you had dreamt of this for as long as you can remember. its embarrassing to admit, but you’d always imagine how kuroo’s plush lips would feel against yours, how amazing it’d be if he liked you back and kissed you passionately to express it. and now it was happening, his lips were firm against yours, him leaning even more to press deeper such that you moved back.

his lips detached from yours, still keeping his face close and his forehead pressed to yours as his hand found its way to your hair. you felt dizzy.

“god, i really really love you.” he said softly, his warm breath dancing on your lips.

“idiot. you’re an idiot.” you reprimanded, making him look at you with furrowed brows. you couldn’t believe it. this was real.

“why'dya take so long to say it?” you broke into a smile that in kuroo’s eyes was so pretty and adorable, giggling.

you pressed your lips onto his quickly but firmly once more. “i love you too.”

he looked at you with slight surprise and you almost wanted to smack him. of course i love you, i’ve loved you for ages if only you knew!

“wait really- i was so scared- you feel the same way? that’s good-”

you cut him off with a big laugh, “you’re really an idiot.”

he softened, smiling, “you make me one.”

his lips pressed onto yours once more, the hand in your hair holding you close as he kissed you deeply, before guiding you down on the bed slowly. you landed with a soft thud, back against the soft mattress and kuroo now on top of you, your lips never separating even for a moment.

the feeling of his body against yours, the way his arms caged you underneath him -- it was intoxicating.

“we’ll be best friends forever? even when you go away?”

“always.”

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floralseokjin · 3 years

Text

⤑ made-up love song ix.

Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire.

Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…

pairing; kim seokjin x reader au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, angst, soojung and oc’s mother being the best, minor food mention (not feeling hungry when stressed), hope, the tiniest bit of fluff, a cliffhanger of sorts! words; 6,161

Read Seokjin’s chapter ix here

↪︎ chapter index

chapters; i • ii • iii • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)

Soojung found you curled up on the sofa a few hours later when she came home from work. You’d tried watching television, hoping the distraction would be successful but your mind just wouldn’t switch off, replaying the day’s earlier events. You didn’t want to think just yet but that’s all your mind could do. Going around and around in circles. Hearing Soojung’s keys in the door you felt a wave of nausea knowing you’d have to talk about it. Not that you didn’t want to confide in your best friend, it was just explaining everything meant that it was all real…

She stuck her head around the door, sounding momentarily confused. “What are you doing back already? I wasn’t expecting you until la– Y/N?” She caught the look on your face immediately and just like she knew something was up. She rushed over. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

Instantly you felt your face crumble, tears blurring your vision. “It’s stupid really,” you insisted, wiping your eyes as she came to join you, a protective arm wrapping around your shoulders. The small action at least made you feel a little better. “I don’t understand why I’m crying.” You hadn’t felt the need to cry until now. Maybe it was because you could always be vulnerable with your best friend. You didn’t need to be strong. She’d seen you at your worst.

“Did…Did you guys argue?” She sounded unsure, confused as to what could be the issue.

You sniffed, composing yourself. “No. Not really,” you let out a groan, “oh, god, Soo. It was awful. Seokjin’s ex-wife turned up…”

You spent the next fifteen minutes telling her what happened, although a lot of it was a blur of raised voices and insults. One thing you knew for certain though, was that you’d never felt so awkward in your entire life. You’d watched your boyfriend arguing with his ex-wife feeling so incredibly out of the loop it was embarrassing.

You’d never demanded to know every single detail about his marriage – you hadn’t even wanted to know. It wasn’t your business after all, nor did you want Seokjin to relive things he didn’t want to, or dwell on the past. You understood that more than anyone, what with your relationship with Donghae, but he’d openly revealed a lot to you. He’d confided in you, shared some hurtful details of his divorce and in turn you had entrusted him with your own past, your own bad memories…

There had been many surprises this afternoon, but one certain revelation kept replaying in your head. It was all you could think about. To learn he’d left out something as major as getting cheated on… Having to find out like that… You were still reeling from the bombshell. Why hadn’t he told you? You’d both been through the same thing… Didn’t he trust you enough? You didn’t understand and you couldn’t stop yourself from feeling hurt.

“You don’t think he’s still in love with her, do you?” Soojung asked hesitantly.

“No,” you shook your head. Regardless of the mess that were your thoughts right now, you didn’t think that at all. Yes, it was easy to let your doubts take over in the first few moments you’d set eyes on Nana, she was beautiful, although you hadn’t expected anything less, but you knew not to feel paranoid when it came to that. Regardless of today’s shock, you didn’t doubt Seokjin’s feelings for you, and you knew very well he no longer loved his ex-wife.

“I think he’s just very bitter about everything,” you continued. “Mostly about how infrequently she sees Arin.”

“Do you think it’s a problem?”

Shrugging slightly, you didn’t really know what to say. “She’s been seeing her quite often lately. There was last weekend, but it shouldn’t have been that much of an issue.” Seokjin hadn’t been angry over that, or at least he hadn’t let on he was… Maybe he had and had just hid it well. With that thought, you remembered something. “It was just her face… while Seokjin was saying all those things to her. She looked so upset… I’ve never seen him like that.”

It had been jarring seeing him so angry. He was usually soft-spoken and well-mannered. Even when he was irritated he stayed silent. You understood that he was only human, everyone had emotions, and his had bubbled over today, but it was still surprising. You hadn’t been expecting to be in the middle of a shouting match between him and his ex-wife.

“But you knew they didn’t get on?” Soojung gently prodded, rubbing your upper back.

“Yeah.” You swallowed. “Just seeing it in person… I can’t believe he didn’t tell her about us.”

Your mind was all over the place, unable to concentrate on one issue for long enough. You really had been living in your own little world this entire time. So incredibly happy and blissfully content. It had been so easy to forget that Nana existed when it came to your relationship with Seokjin. To you, she was just Arin’s mom, who she spoke about sometimes, but not very often, in your presence. It was easy to put her to the back of your mind, it was easy not to think of her at all. Why would you? You didn’t even know what she looked like until today. All the photos you’d seen of a younger Seokjin, of Arin as a baby, had never once included her. You knew who she was, knew her name, but that was all.

So you’d just assumed she knew about you too. You’d assumed Seokjin had told her without needing any confirmation. You’d assumed she’d known that you would be looking after Arin last weekend. You’d assumed she was perfectly fine with it. In reality she had no clue you existed. You were almost certain Seokjin hadn’t done it maliciously, he wasn’t that type of man, but seeing him today, how casually he had brushed off her concerns… As much as it had hurt to be thought of as a stranger, you understood why that was the case. Seokjin hadn’t. As stubborn as always, he refused to see where he had done wrong.

“That is a bit odd,” Soojung agreed. “And even though she was a bitch to you, I guess I’d be pissed too if I found out the way she had.”

You snorted softly. Soojung had been ready to fight when she’d first heard the things Nana had said to you, but she knew you were fine, you could handle yourself. “Ugh, it’s all such a mess,” you groaned. “I would’ve never looked after Arin last weekend if I’d known Nana had no clue.” You should have made sure. Why hadn’t you?

“I guess Seokjin had his reasons,” Soo reasoned. “Maybe he knew how his ex would react.”

“Maybe,” you agreed before sighing. “I don’t know. There’s things he never told me either.” Maybe you were finding out that Seokjin was a very secretive person, who knew… “She cheated on him, Soo.” You were back there again. Soojung hummed in understanding. “Is it silly of me to be upset?”

“No, it’s valid.”

“I told him about Donghae,” you whispered. “I really opened up to him and he was so sweet and understanding. Why didn’t he tell me he’d been through the same thing?” No matter how many times you went through it in your head you couldn’t think of an answer. It didn’t make sense. Especially because he’d opened up to you so easily in regard to everything else. What made this so different?

“Maybe he just didn’t want to make it about him,” Soojung offered.

“I don’t know… Maybe.” You groaned, thinking you were being selfish. He probably had a good reason when he didn’t tell you. There were more pressing issues right now anyway… You knew that, and immediately your head begin to spin again.

“The whole stepmom thing,” you muttered, “it’s left me a little frazzled.”

Soojung kept up with your disorderly thoughts expertly. “In what way?”

You gave a little shrug, voice barely there because you didn’t want to admit it out loud. “It made me question things…”

“I thought you liked where things were heading?” Your best friend couldn’t hide the shock from her voice.

“I do,” you replied, “or at least, I did.” Where were things actually heading? You didn’t know anymore. “I just wasn’t really thinking.”

“Of what it all meant?”

You nodded slowly. “I lost myself for a while.”

In a way, you had been in your own little bubble for these past few months – you, Seokjin and Arin. You’d had the most amazing summer, falling harder and harder for Seokjin and in the process Arin had captured your whole heart. She was such a sweet little girl, humorous and thoughtful, Seokjin and Nana had brought her up well. Your time together had been incomparable, your happiness unmatched, but in the process you’d ignored a few things.

“So what are you saying?” Soojung asked gently.

Your throat felt dry. “I’m afraid it’s all moving too fast.”

It was a lot to take in. You had been together barely four months but here you were thinking about the word stepmom. How scary the word sounded, how scary it felt…

“You want to slow it down?”

“It’s probably too late for that,” you chuckled quietly. You felt your heart squeeze. “Soojung, I think I’m in love with him.”

It felt almost relieving to confess such a thing, despite your heavy heart over today. Your feelings had been harder and harder to ignore these past couple of weeks, but you’d tried your best, not wanting to rush anything. Right now you were confused and hurt, but one thing was blatantly clear. You loved him.

“It’s scary,” you whispered, feeling Soo rub your back again, listening silently. “Falling so fast.” Especially after everything you’d been through with Donghae. You were scared. Despite opening up your heart to Seokjin easily, this was different. Things seemed so complicated now, when not six hours ago they had been nothing more than simple.

“Today was a massive reality check,” you scoffed. “I’ve been spending these past few months playing house with Seokjin and Arin, it was bound to catch up with us sometime.”

“You liked it though,” your best friend encouraged, voice gentle. “I’ve never seen you so happy… Not since… Well, not even then.”

“Everything just felt so… perfect,” you agreed. Everything had slotted into place easily. “And natural, and just, nice.” For lack of a better word. Your brain was pulp.

“Arin obviously felt comfortable enough to call you her stepmom in front of her own mom?” You didn’t even notice Soojung’s change of direction.

“I don’t know, I think she was just confused. You know what kids are like together. She heard her friend talking about it and they probably got excited.”

“Would you like to be her stepmom?”

You paused then, realising what had just happened. She knew you well, knew what was bothering you, conflicting your mind. You gave her a small smile. “She’s a sweet child, but it’s not that simple right now. It’s not only my decision either.”

Truthfully you hadn’t thought about it before today, but now it was one of the things at the forefront of your mind. If everything worked out okay then you and Seokjin would only grow more serious. From strength to strength and what did that mean? However, now you knew that Nana wasn’t exactly your biggest fan… You felt fresh frustration, deflated yet again. Today had gone terrible.

“You’re right,” Soojung agreed, “but it’s something you need to be comfortable with too.”

That was true. These were things you needed to talk about with Seokjin. Then again, maybe you should’ve talked about them before. You had no clue how he felt regarding the topic, well… not explicitly anyway.

“Seokjin comparing the both of us made me feel horrendous.” You found yourself admitting. “I’m not trying to be Arin’s mother. I wasn’t even trying to be her stepmother. Not yet. I haven’t thought about it until now. I just… I loved being a part of her life in my own little way.”

You never wanted to replace Nana. You hated thinking like this, but what if Seokjin had been looking for that the whole time? A new mother for his daughter… You were almost positive that wasn’t the case, but you were so drained right now, your mind was all over the place. You kept replaying in your head what he had shouted at Nana over and over again.

“He can’t expect you to take on that role, not when she already has a mother,” Soojung said carefully. “But you can be there for Arin in other ways – in similar ways. You’ve been teaching and caring for kids for years, so I hope you’re not undermining your capabilities.”

You smiled then, grateful, leaning on her shoulder. “Thank you.” You definitely weren’t doing that but being a teacher and a mother were two totally different things. Especially when it wasn’t your biological child.

“Ugh, I’m just exhausted,” you groaned, laying back against the sofa and shutting your eyes. “My head’s a mess.” You didn’t want to talk about it any longer, switching off sounded really good right now and Soojung understood that perfectly.

She tapped your arm. “I’m going to cancel my plans with Tae.” You opened your eyes, mouth open ready to fight. “He’ll be fine.” She insisted. “Me and you are gonna get takeout and ice cream and just stop thinking. We’re going to pull the One Tree Hill boxset out and pretend we’re still in high school.”

You weren’t going to lie, that did sound like fun. It was also foolproof. You’d been doing it since you were seventeen, when Soojung had got dumped for the first time. “Great idea.”

She leaned in for a hug. “You told him you need space to think, so that’s what you’re going to do. But not tonight. No rush.”

As she pulled back you took her hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” she grinned. “Now, let me grab my phone.”

You woke up early the next morning, like really early, 5am, which wasn’t ideal seeing as you’d struggled to get to sleep the night before. Your mind and heart felt heavy, but you forced yourself to get up and shower because there was no point trying to fall back to sleep for an hour. You had school, and that meant you had to try your best to look presentable for the kids – and happy. A bunch of 6-7 year olds were scarily talented at reading an adult’s mood you’d come to find out.

You didn’t eat much of your breakfast, which wasn’t a surprise because when you were stressed or sad you never felt practically hungry anyway, and left for work long before Soojung even had a chance to wake up, thinking your classroom so early in the morning might give you some sense of clarity. Either that or stop the buzzing of your thoughts that couldn’t seem to keep away. The change of scenery would hopefully do you some good.

You were at your desk trying to organise your planner for the week ahead, 7:04am, when your cell phone began buzzing. You looked across at the device, face up a few inches away from you and felt your stomach squeeze. Filling the screen was a picture of Seokjin and you at an amusement park he’d dragged you to over the summer, like the big kid he was at heart. Seeing his smiley face made your heart hurt. You thought about leaving it ring, you could pretend you were busy and let him leave a message, but no matter how much you wanted to do it, you couldn’t.

The phone felt heavy in your hand as you picked up. Your voice didn’t sound like yours. “Hello.”

“Y/N,” he breathed, sounding somewhat relieved. You had taken a while to make your decision. “Are you free to talk?”

He sounded tired and unlike his usual self, and a part of you wanted to rush over and talk to him in person, to check in on him and see how he was doing, because as much as yesterday hadn’t been nice for you, it hadn’t been too great for him either… However, you knew that was a bad idea, you’d said you had needed time. A few hours wasn’t that.

“Um, yeah,” you replied, opening your mouth again to remind him about what you’d said yesterday, but already he was rushing forward, eager to say his piece.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night, I guess… I guess I needed time too.” He sounded hesitant, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him you had never been expected (nor wanting) a phone call. “Do you want to meet up for lunch?”

Your voice was gentle. “I don’t think that’s a good idea today.” Maybe he’d misunderstood you, you needed longer, besides, things weren’t going to get sorted out in under an hour during your lunch break from work. It wasn’t as simple as that – you wished it was.

There was a pause his side, then – “Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”

“Seokjin, I’m not mad,” you sighed softly. “I’m just…” What were you? Frustrated more than anything. It was hard to explain. In a way you felt sorry for him, but you also felt sorry for Nana. “I have a lot of questions that I don’t think I’m ready to ask just yet.”

His voice was careful as he asked you, “When do you think you will be ready?”

“I don’t know,” you told him truthfully. “I need time to think and it’s pretty hard when I have work all week.” Neglecting your job was foolish – impossible to think of, actually.

“I understand.” Of course he did. He was nothing but understanding when it came to you and your relationship together. That’s the Seokjin you knew and adored… the one you loved…

“Is Arin okay?” You found yourself asking. You knew you should probably say your goodbyes, but you’d woken up feeling terribly guilty that you’d just upped and left her like that yesterday. “I’m sorry I ran off without saying goodbye to her.”

“She’s doing okay, I tried telling…” He trailed off suddenly, and you guessed he thought he was overstepping the mark. The mark you’d put in place. “She asked where you went, I said something came up.”

“Oh.” You’d thought about popping your head around the door and saying goodbye yesterday but just couldn’t do it. You hated to think she’d thought you had left her too. “I really am sorry about that.”

“Y/N, it’s fine. Please never be sorry,” he murmured softly.

You smiled sadly at his sentiment. “Are you okay?” You shouldn’t really ask, not when you needed to hang up and take that space you both needed, but you couldn’t help yourself. It felt wrong not to check in.

“Could be better,” he chuckled slightly. You appreciated his honesty. “You?”

“The same.” There was no point pretending. “I think some space will do us good. Let’s just think about everything and then we can talk.”

“Okay,” he agreed simply. There wasn’t much else he could say. If he disagreed in any way you knew he would never tell you. He wanted to respect your wishes.

“I’ll call you towards the end of the week?” You could get through the work week, have some time to yourself in the evenings and then meet up on Saturday.

“Yeah, that sounds good. I agree.” Yet, he sounded a little dejected.

“Okay.” You had to leave it at that. “I gotta go,” you told him, even though you were in no rush to leave for work, already in your classroom.

“Of course, bye, Y/N.” You heard some background noise and then a familiar voice in the background – Misook. As it was for you, life went on. Arin had to get ready for school, he had to get ready for work… You couldn’t both wallow in self-pity all day. “Take care,” he told you. It sounded awkward, as if he didn’t know what to say.

“Bye, Seokjin.” You felt just the same. Even right at the beginning your phone conversations had never been this wooden.

You hung up first, and then there was silence, except for the ticking of the clock on the wall opposite. You watched the red second hand move, feeling as if it was mocking you.

The week was slow. It was an average one, but it dragged by. On Monday you had to sit through the usual chitchat inside the teacher’s lounge during lunch, catching up on everyone’s weekends. When Eunbi asked how yours had gone you’d breezed past it, expertly changing the subject to her weekend visiting Jungkook’s parents. Other than that, there was really no need for Seokjin to come up in conversation, which you were thankful for. You spent the rest of the week busy with the children, staying behind a lot later than usual just because it was easier inside your classroom.

At home you found yourself missing Seokjin like crazy. Ever since your first date you’d been in regular contact throughout the week, and then when things had gotten serious, you’d spoken to him every day – even if it was just on the phone in the evenings once school started back. For all contact to be gone was strange. You hated it, felt as if a part of you was missing. But you knew it needed to be done. As the days went (dragged) by you no longer felt overwhelmed by Sunday’s events. The shock had worn off and you had time to dissect it all, whether it be over dinner on your own when Soo was working late, or when you were in bed for the night, waiting to drop off. The more you broke it down the easier it was to place things in different categories. All the things that had shocked you, the things that had hurt you, and then finally, the things that had made you feel guilty.

On Thursday night you promised your mom you’d have dinner with her. Jonathon was abroad visiting his children and she hadn’t been able to get time off work to join him. She was bored at home all alone, so you really couldn’t say no despite a part of you wanting to. Before you arrived you’d made the decision not to tell her about your…what could you call it? It was hardly an argument with Seokjin. A disagreement..? Whatever it was, you didn’t want to worry her. After all this time she was over the moon you’d finally met someone you really cared about and you knew it was stupid, but you didn’t want to make her worry.

However, that all went out the window as soon as she opened the door to you. She was your mom for crying out loud, who could you confide in if it wasn’t her? She listened to you attentively. All your thoughts, all your worries – even if the potatoes were at risk of cremating, and it felt good to have your mother by your side.

“Seokjin is a lovely man, anyone can see that, but he’s allowed his flaws. He’s only human,” she reasoned, your conversation coming back to the way he’d acted around Nana. You knew your mother was right, and you were in no way judging him for it, but it had been very jarring seeing him change so suddenly. “Obviously he and his ex-wife bring out the worst in each other. Sounds to me as if they’re so used to hurting one another it’s become the norm.”

You nodded in silent agreement, thinking back to them hurling abuse at one another as if it was the most natural thing. In a way it had turned into a competition. Who could hurt one other the most. In the end, Seokjin had dealt the final blow. You. You could still see the hurt on Nana’s face now, even though it was days ago. It made your chest heavy all over again. You told your mom just as much.

“There’s no need to feel so guilty, love,” she told you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “None of this is your fault. Seokjin, whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, used you as a way to hurt Nana, and you need to tell him that you’re not okay with that.”

That was the part that had hurt the most now that you’d had enough time to think. Above all else, not telling Nana about you, the catalyst that led to his divorce, it was being used as some kind of weapon that stuck out. You had never wanted that. You had never asked for it.

“You are his girlfriend first and foremost.” Your mom continued. “Yes, you care for Arin but these things need to be spoken about first. You have never wanted to be, nor felt like you were the child’s mother. You know your boundaries and so should he.”

She was correct. You’d been so hesitant not to overstep the mark these past few months. You’d even been in two minds whether or not to offer to babysit Arin that weekend. You’d thought Seokjin understood that, your cautiousness when it came to the role you played in her life. After all, your relationship was still new, and Nana was very much a part of Arin’s life. However he had disregarded that all to throw a few cheap shots.

Your conversation shifted to Arin then. It was easy to sympathise with her, after all you’d been in her shoes once. Parents who seemed to fight more than they did talk. It had gotten better for you though, their relationship turning amiable once the divorce had settled. For Arin, it seemed to be only getting worse. You wished you could talk some sense into Seokjin. He might’ve thought that Arin was okay with her parents barely having any contact but you knew that wasn’t the case. It had been very telling to hear that Arin never brought Seokjin up in conversation with her own mother. That’s why it had taken Nana so long to find out about you. Deep down that little girl knew that her mom didn’t want to hear her dad’s name, and that was heart breaking.

Somewhere along the way, your mom asked you what you thought about Arin calling you her stepmother. Despite it being done innocently, the weight of the word meant so much more to the adults in the situation and you agreed. It had been strange to hear, and not just because it had come from Nana’s mouth. You were serious about Seokjin and could see a future with him, and that meant being in Arin’s life permanently. That word wasn’t so farfetched and you’d had plenty of time to think about it this week. What it meant for you, Arin, and of course Nana.

“How did you feel when dad first met Dahae?” You asked your mom. These things had never really come up in conversation before, which was surprising, but right now you needed any advice and insight you could get. Your mom had been in Nana’s shoes once after all. All those years ago.

“I was…happy for him,” she replied hesitantly. “It took time. It’s a confusing thing. I no longer loved your father but it felt strange to see him with someone else. Of course, everyone is different. Not one relationship is the same,” she added.

You nodded in understanding. Your father had met Dahae, his wife, when you were twelve. You had grown up with her and it didn’t feel odd to think of her as a second mom. You still called her by her name but when in conversation with others you often referred to her as your stepmom. Always had, for as long as you could remember. Maybe it was after the wedding, but you couldn’t be too sure. Definitely before she gave birth to your siblings though.

It was different with Jonathon. He’d always been “your mother’s husband” and not because you didn’t care for him or think he was a lovely man. He was, and you liked him very much, it was just… You were an adult when you met him, twenty to be exact, living across the country for college. The bond wasn’t quite there like it was with Dahae, but your mom understood that – so did Jonathon. But it made you pause and think. You’d never asked your mom how she felt hearing you call Dahae your stepmother. It had never crossed your mind until now.

“I didn’t like the idea at first, I have to admit, but who would?” She confessed. “It’s hard not to feel hurt or threatened, a whole load of different emotions,” she gave a small shrug, “but meeting Dahae, and seeing how kind a woman she was, and how much you meant to her made me see things differently.”

You smiled, silently hoping that one Nana would think and feel the same way when it came to you. You could only cross your fingers and try your best in the meantime.

Your mom nudged you, a playful lilt to her voice. “I think you’re very lucky to have two wonderful women in your life that love you and want the best for you – and yes, that’s a brag on my part.”

You laughed with her, but your worries were getting the best of you again, turning you sombre. “What if Nana never accepts me though?”

“I think you should only think about that if it happens,” she replied. “There’s no point expecting the worst right now.”

You still didn’t feel very hopeful though, it was probably written all over your face. Sweeping some hair out of your eyes, your mother’s voice was soft. “Love, she had no idea you existed, I think her anger was warranted.” A pause, tone changing. “Although, not at you. I’m not very happy about that.”

You chuckled at that. “It’s fine. You know I can look after myself.” You were feisty when you wanted to be, or scrappy as Seokjin had so comically put it once.

Wrapping an arm around you once more, she squeezed you gently. “Talk to him.” She urged. “You miss him. This time apart is getting pointless, you already know how you feel.”

You did. Your feelings were as strong as ever.

You had been itching to pick up the phone last night and just call him already, but you’d said Saturday. You only had one day left at work, you could hold out until then. It would be better that way, you didn’t want to interrupt a potentially busy day. Friday’s were often crazy for him, you didn’t want to be a distraction.

However, come morning break you bumped into Hoseok coming out of your classroom, eager to rush to your car and grab the apple that must have rolled out of your bag and onto the seat. (Hopefully – if it was on the floor it was going in the trash ASAP).

“Hi, Y/N. How are you today?” He politely asked.

“Fine, thank you.” Talking with Hoseok always came easily, regardless of his position as the principal. “Glad it’s the weekend tomorrow. How about you?”

“My thoughts exactly,” he laughed, before adding, “Although, I hear Arin’s started hers early.”

“Oh?” You were immediately lost. Had you missed something? You hadn’t seen Arin at school all week, which wasn’t strange. Your paths rarely crossed these days unless you were on yard duty, and if you were being honest, you were glad it hadn’t been this week. She must have had an inkling something was wrong right now, she hadn’t seen you at all since Sunday, so you were relieved to know you didn’t have to answer any awkward questions. It was selfish, you knew that, but you couldn’t help it.

Hoseok looked confused by your reaction, but carried on regardless, shaking it off. “Seokjin called up yesterday, said she’d be visiting her mom earlier this weekend if it was possible. I figured maybe you and he had plans for tonight.”

You froze, forcing yourself to reply because your boss was waiting for one. “Oh, no.” You swallowed, coming up blank. “No plans.”

If Hoseok noticed your woodenness he didn’t let on. “One day couldn’t possibly hurt her education, right? But don’t tell the board I said that,” he added with a laugh.

You made yourself join in, although your mind was racing. “Secret’s safe with me.”

He smiled at you, giving you a nod. “Enjoy your weekend, alright? See you Monday.”

Thank God he had somewhere to be. You nodded back, watching him already begin to walk away. “And you, Hoseok.”

You proceeded to sit in your car for twenty minutes, half eaten apple already turning brown as you racked your brain. It wasn’t Nana’s weekend to have Arin. Was something wrong? You were probably being silly, conjuring up the worst case scenarios for no reason. If something had happened, Seokjin would have contacted you. He knew he could always count on you, but… You had told him you needed space and he’d agreed. He was a man of his word, so if something had happened, what if he thought he couldn’t call you?

You pulled your phone out of your bag at the thought, clicking on his contact but stopped yourself when you saw the time. You had just under five minutes to be back at class… I’m being irrational, you told yourself. If something was wrong he would have informed Hoseok, and the principal sounded absolutely fine. You were worrying for no reason. If something had happened, something bad, he wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to you. You knew that, and so did he. Only a few more hours and you’d get to talk to him. Most of those involved sleep. You could wait until tomorrow morning. You could.

You couldn’t.

It was half 9 and you were home alone. It was Soojung and Taehyung’s date night and she was spending the night at his place, so all you had for company were your own thoughts – and RJ, the alpaca plush Seokjin had won for all those months previous. You couldn’t possibly wait until tomorrow, your mom was right, what was the point in waiting when you knew how you felt. You wanted to see Seokjin, to talk to him and feel him. You missed him like crazy.

Turning the television down low you grabbed for your phone which had slipped in between the sofa cushions. This time you didn’t hesitate, no work commitments calling your name, and dialled Seokjin’s number straight away. He picked up after only two rings.

“Y/N,” he breathed, sounding more than surprised.

“Hey, you,” you smiled into the receiver. It felt good to hear his voice again.

“I wasn’t expecting you to call tonight.”

“Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Of course not. Well,” he paused to laugh, “I was just about to head to bed.”

He sounded a lot like his usual self tonight, it eased your mind. You laughed along softly, a confession slipping past your lips. “I was going to wait until tomorrow but Soojung is with Taehyung tonight and being alone means I can’t stop thinking about you.”

You heard a sigh of relief his end. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all week.” The longing in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. “Are you ready to talk? I’m willing to answer any questions you have.”

“I’m ready,” you nodded. “Should I come over? I don’t want to do this over the phone.”

“I can come to you?” He suggested instead. “Arin’s with Nana until Sunday.”

“Oh.” You thought to ask him how come, but stopped yourself, you could get to that in person. He didn’t sound upset, which you took as a good sign. “Okay. Now?”

“It’s not too late?” He checked.

“No, it’s fine.” You were eager, shaking you head as you replied, and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. “I really want to see you.”

You could hear his smile too. “I’ll be there soon, okay? Really soon.” You heard his footsteps along the floor, the sound of a drawer opening as if he was finding something to wear.

“Don’t speed,” you added, as a joke more than anything.

“Of course I won’t,” he laughed. “I’m going to hang up now but I won’t be long.”

“Okay, see you soon, Seokjin.” It was silly, but you didn’t want the phone call to end even though in under half an hour he’d be here.

But you could be patient.

You could.

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

#seokjin fanfic #bts fanfic #jin fanfic #fic:mls #floralseokjin:writings

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

Hypothetically | Chapter 1-5

summary: Reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

A/N: Set between seasons 4 and 6, not following canon. all original crimes based on real-life stories.

Warnings 18+: Murderers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Blood, Guns, mentions of autopsy, Fluff, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, bed-sharing, Riding, Unprotected Sex, Virgin Reader, Case of the Week, original crimes, Food mention, Smut, Oral Sex, Light BDSM, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Talk, obgyn appointments and info, Home Invasion, Past Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Emotional Manipulation, Grooming, Pedophilia mention, non-con oral (male receiving), Pregnant Sex, Daddy Kink, Breeding Kink, Homophobia, conversion therapy

Word Count: 15k

chapter 1

It took Y/N longer than she had hoped to finally catch up to him. He seemed to go from the cute little boy with a bow tie who sat beside her in her kindergarten class to working for the FBI by the time she graduated high school. It wasn’t fair that he happened to be smarter than anyone on earth, causing him to test out of elementary school before she even got to know him.

Spencer Reid had an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and the sweetest personality to match. Y/N saw him around as he grew up, coming home to see his mom often and minding his business as he wandered around in his free time.

He liked to sit on the swings at the abandoned park across the street from her house, it was a place he would go to at the most random hours of the day for years on end. Every time he was in the area, he visited the swing. And She’d watch him from her window seat in her bedroom. Pretending to read, but really she was watching him read.

It was years of watching, from the ages of 13 to 18 when he was coming back and forth from working on his second Ph.D., and she was still trying to make it through high school.

But she never walked out there and talked to him, she knew nothing real about him other than his name and that he was smart. The town told rumours about him being an alien or a government experiment because there was no way a kid could be so smart, but she never believed them. She liked to keep to the idea that he was sweet, smart, and special.

He stopped coming to the swing for a while after they turned 18, her mother had said something about Spencer Reid’s mother being admitted to the nursing home she worked at and y/n drew the conclusion that he’d finally left the small Nevada town she was seemingly trapped in.

Y/N kept tabs with him online, as weird as it felt to her she had a strange sense of pride when it came to Spencer’s achievements. That was the kid she sat beside in kindergarten out there working for the FBI, saving lives and changing the world. It inspired her.

So sure enough, when she moved to Virginia to join the FBI academy it was the perfect opportunity to finally be on an even playing field with him. An excuse to reach out to him and catch up, get to know him. She was technically older than him, by 10 months, and yet somehow he seemed to feel unreachable, wiser and more of an adult than she ever would be.

At 28 she finally bumps into him again. She’s carrying boxes into her new apartment with help from a moving company when he leaves the apartment across the hall from her.

“Oh my gosh, Spencer Reid?” she said with the biggest smile spreading across her face.

“Hi?” he says, not having any clue who she is.

“You might not remember me, I’m Y/N Y/L/N we were in kindergarten together in Nevada?”

He takes a moment to think, she watches his eyes flutter as he recalls the memory to his mind. She is mesmerized by how his brain works, like a filing cabinet he can just pull memories out. “Oh, yes we sat together the first day and you got in trouble later that afternoon for adding water to the sand because I had said it was too dry to build a model of the Pyramid of Giza.”

Her smile gets even bigger, “yes! I hope this isn’t weird but I’ve kept up with you over the years, I’ve always thought it was so amazing that someone from my town was off doing incredible things! I can’t believe I’m moving in across from you that makes it look so much worse oh god, I promise I’m not stalking you!” She rambled anxiously.

He laughed, “it’s okay I believe you! I’m surprised honestly that you remember me, we were what? 5? That’s a good memory you must have?”

She walked over to him and out of the way of the men moving her boxes into her apartment, that’s what she was paying them for anyway. She set the box down on the floor beside herself to free her arms, “I think your first ever friend would leave an impact on your memory.”

“We did have a good bond before I was transferred out,” he recalls with a smile.

“Well,” she smiled right back, “I also work with the FBI if you want to get coffee before work on Monday and catch up? See if there’s a possibility of being friends once again?”

“Yeah!” he answers abruptly, “I leave around 7:15 normally and I always go to the little cafe down the road, what department are you in?”

“VICAP,” she said, “just a floor above the BAU, surprised I’m only running into you now”

“You sure you’re not stalking me?” he joked.

She shook her head lightly, her cheeks hurting from smiling so hard. “Promise, just inspired by you, that’s all.”

He chuckled to himself, almost shocked that such a lovely person would be inspired by him. “Well, thank you. I’ll let you get back to moving in and I will see you on Monday Y/N.” he said with a small wave and walked down the corridor.

She sighed to herself, this was going to be amazing.

---

Y/N had barely unpacked anything by the time Monday had rolled around. She spent most of her time working on her bedroom organization, leaving a mess of boxes everywhere else. Going through her closet to find the best outfit for her first-morning commute with Spencer.

Her job didn’t require as much fieldwork as he did, so she could wear anything she wanted to the office as long as it was professional. She settled on black flared dress pants, a nice white turtleneck, the watch her family gave her when she graduated from the academy and her cute healed wedge boots.

She grabbed her purse and wallet, ensuring she had her keys and badge in there before unlocking her safe and clipping her gun to her belt. She grabbed her go bag and coat and draped them over one arm, holding her purse in the other.

With everything she needed, she walked to her front door, turning off her alarm just to change the setting to protect her empty apartment. She closed and locked the door behind herself just as Spencer walked out into the hallway.

“Good morning Spencer,” she said, cheerful as ever.

“You’re awfully cheerful for this time of day,” he yawned after speaking.

“Late night?” she asked, joining him as he walked towards the building entrance.

“We had an emergency case this weekend that kicked my ass, I’ve only been home for 15 hours. Hopefully, today is just a desk day,” he yawned again. “Sorry, I’m sure you’re tired as well, from moving this weekend.”

“Oh I’m exhausted, normally I don’t leave till quarter to 8, living farther away now is going to suck a bit.”

“At least our building is nice,” he adds.

“It seems wonderful so far.” He held the door for her as they walked into the parking lot, he dug her keys from her bag, “do you want to take my car?”

“Sure, seeing as I don’t have a car, I normally take the subway,” he said softly, walking to the passenger side and opening the door as he heard the door unlock.

“Well if you want a ride every morning I don’t mind, even If you need rides to emergency cases,” she smiled softly.

Spencer insisted on buying her coffee, saying it was only fair for driving him. But really it was because he wanted to spoil her, ever since she said she was inspired by him his mind hasn’t been able to stop playing that sentence on loop. He’s completely enamoured by her, willing to do whatever it takes to get on her good graces. Not realizing she’s willing to do the same for him.

In no time she’s pulling up to the main building, both of them showing their badges before being allowed access into the parking structure of their building. Y/N parked close to the main elevator, having impeccable luck with getting that spot in the garage.

“We still have time before we’re officially on the clock, if you wanted to come meet my team?” He offered, hitting the button in the elevator for floor 3. His floor.

“I’d love to meet the legend that is Penelope Garcia,” she smiled.

“She is wonderful,” he agreed with a smile.

The elevator dinged and she felt her heart drop into her stomach thinking of how Spencer was going to introduce her. He walked with her towards the glass doors, holding them open for her as she walked into the bullpen.

All eyes were suddenly on Spencer and Y/N, so many faces she’s never seen before, and 2 she knows too well from her research on the BAU. She smiled lightly as she walked towards them all. Spencer not far behind her.

“Good morning,” Spencer smiled a small pressed-lipped smile. “This is agent Y/N Y/L/N, she works up in VICAP, she was one of my best friends in elementary school.”

She smiled, so that’s how. “Hello!” She waved, “It’s so nice to meet you all,”

“Derek Morgan,” the tall dark and handsome one reached his hand out for yours.

“Oh, I don’t shake hands sorry,” she said, grabbing her right middle finger with her left hand and smiling lightly.

He laughed, “wow pretty boy, how come you never told us you have a twin?”

“Do you not shake hands either?” She asked him, “we really do have a lot of catching up to do Spence.”

“Emily Prentiss, it’s lovely to see Spence bring in new friends.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, I’ve always admired the BAU, I’ve actually compiled a few of the cases you’ve worked on this year, I’m pretty good at finding patterns even the system overlooks.”

“Oh yes, Y/N Y/L/N, I’ve seen your name on all the emails, thank you you’ve sent some of the best-connected cases to us, you’ve brought justice to people who we would have never connected to cases,” JJ said enthusiastically, “I was actually just about to tell Hotch about the newest one you sent me.”

“It’s horrible, isn’t it? I’ve been carefully looking over this case for 2 years now I knew you’d all be able to help with it. It’s right up your ally,” she nervously laughed.

“You sent in the files on the family annihilator that was going after people he believed to be decedents of Cain from the bible right?” David Rossi asked.

She nodded her head and sighed, “yeah everyone told me it was a stretch to catch onto but when I noticed all the men were from the same online ancestry family tree I knew you guys needed to see it.”

“That was specifically interesting, the death of his own brother led him to seek revenge on the father of murder,” Spencer agreed.

“So what’s this new one you’ve brought us?” Derek asked.

“Oh, would you like to pitch it to us? We’re all here we can meet you in the briefing room before your shift starts upstairs?” JJ offered.

“Oh sure,” she smiled, finally it was her time to show off.

Soon enough, Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss, David Rossi, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia and Jenifer Jareau were all staring at you in the briefing room.

“In Wichita Kansas, there have been a string of murders over the last 6 years that have all been incredibly, creepily similar,” she started explaining as she handed out the case files to everyone.

“Each victim is female, 16 to 24, they’ve all been strangled with rope while completely naked, signs of brutal sexual assault, binding and torture. They’ve all been found wrapped in shower curtains and placed in various public locations. Clearly a sign of remorse with how he keeps them covered but still a taunt that we can’t find him even now that he’s 6 victims deep.”

“Clarise Richardson, victim number 1 was raped, strangled with rope and left by an underpass. She was found in 1998, the M.E said she was dead 16 hours when they found her, COD was asphyxiation. Her family reports she was last seen at least 73 hours before she was found. So he kept her for a while. There were fibres under her nails of green carpet, either she was held at someone's house or in a van with carpet like they had in the 70s and 80s.”

“Were there any fingerprints or DNA on the bodies?” Prentiss asked.

“Yes, there was a sperm sample retrieved on victim number 5, Sharon Flynn. Most likely he wore a condom for the rest of his rapes and he wasn’t in the system already. Either he never ejaculated in earlier rapes before he grew to murder or his victims never came forward before 1998.”

“which is highly likely, we saw in the EARs case in California how hard it was to get the men and women who were raped to even come forward. There were 4 confirmed cases in the news before more came forward with similar stories. It’s seen as a shameful thing when in reality it’s just giving them more power if they believe they’ll never be caught.” Spencer explained.

“Yes, it’s very hard to come forward when it happens to you,” she agreed before quickly hanging subject. “I’ve been searching for any rapes in the area with similar MO, choking, BDSM, ropes, vans with green carpet, and I’ve found 3 women who claimed to be raped by a man at festivals the late 70’s who had an orange van with green carpet who bonded them up in a very intricate form of bondage that tightened every time they squirmed to entice them not to move. And from my research, that's the same pattern of rope as the rope burn on the 6 bodies we have.”

“All 6 of them are fairly similar it’s just their dumpsites that sets them apart. He didn’t have one strict area that he stuck to, he seems to have no problem travelling to them.” Emily said, flipping through the files.

“I’m thinking he has a job the requires him to still use his van. Like a travelling plumber, a phone or computer tech, home surveillance or maybe even he’s with Jehovah's witness or the Mormon church. It would explain him being able to get into these women’s houses and neighbourhoods long enough to pick someone, learn their schedule and grab them.” Y/N explained.

“Garcia, can you look into those businesses, as well as independent contractors, satellite companies, mailmen, and anyone else who might have been on the job by the victim's houses on the dates and times they were last seen,” Hotch asked.

“Absolutely, I’ll also run the DNA samples in my other databases.”

“I was about to ask you to do that, I think he might have children. There is a very large gap between the rapes and the jump to rape and murder, if you could run the saliva sample from victim 3 that's on her neck with any foster system or genealogy company to see if he has a son or uncle we can trace his sample to?”

“That's a great idea, I’ve never thought to do that,” Garcia smiled. “I like you, you’re a smart cookie!”

“Looks like we’re headed to Wichita,” Hotch said. “Do you think VICAP would be mad if we stole you for a few days? You have more connections with the Wichita police than we do, they might cooperate more If they know a friendly face.”

“Absolutely, let me grab my go-bag from upstairs!” Y/N jumped up, “I’ll be right back down!”

“Wheels up in 30,” Hotch said, And with that, she was out the door.

“Reid if you don’t marry her I will,” Penelope said softly.

“Okay.” He blushed.

—

She took a seat beside Reid on the jet, the two of them chatting amongst themselves for a while before they were called for the second briefing.

“So local PD think they have a recent victim from this weekend they want us to check out,” Penelope said over video chat. “she’s a little different than the others. Katie Newton, 27 was found bound to her bed, already having passed and was being assaulted when her husband came home. He screamed at the guy who was only wearing a ski mask and “tight-y white-y’s” as the husband described. He grabbed his bag and clothes with him but he left her tied up with the little time he had to knock the husband out of the way and run out.”

“Did he get any other identification marks on the unsub?” Y/N asked.

“He said he was pasty white, 5’8 and he didn’t talk. He didn’t scream, nothing, he just grabbed his things and ran. He does however remember he had a very large brown birthmark on his chest covering the right nipple down to his stomach.”

“Okay that’s good to know, why do they think it’s our guy?” Rossi asked.

“Blood found on the rope she was tied up with can match back to 13 different women. 6 of the murders that Y/N brought to us, 1 of the rapes she found and 5 other break-in and rapes of other women in the area.”

“Holy shit,” Y/N whispered to herself.

“Well done on finding this one Y/N, this one is going to be big.” Morgan complimented her with a smile.

“Thanks,” she smiled back, “I didn’t expect any of this when I connected the 6 of them originally. This is insane.”

“have you ever been in fieldwork like this?” Hotch asked.

“At the academy, I was combat trained, I have all my clearances and I’m a great shot. I’m good on my feet and I tested perfectly on hostage talk down.” She tried not to brag but this was almost as important as a job interview.

“Well damn,” Morgan nodded in approval. “We might just have to seal you full time.”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all!”

“Good,” hotch smiled, something he didn’t do often. “I’m going to send you and Reid to the M.E to see what else we can find out about these new break-in homicides. Prentiss and Rossi, I want you to travel to the last dumpsite and the latest crime scene to see what else could connect them. Morgan and JJ come with me to the station to set up communication with the local PD and media we don’t need them naming him like they did with BTK.”

“Garcia, would you also widen the search for anyone convicted of sexual misconduct, flashing, stalking, break-ins where underwear was stolen or and peeping toms? Go all the way back to the 70s. If any of them are now working for any businesses that have vans and require him to travel. This guy has to have a mistake somewhere that you will find.” Y/N asked one last time.

“Got it, genius girl, over and out.”

—-

The bureau had the funds for rooms for the main team, meaning Y/N had to double up with someone and she had to decide who once they landed and headed to the hotel.

“It wouldn’t be weird if we got a room with two queen beds right?” She asked Spencer, “it would give us a chance to catch up in our downtime like a sleepover we never had as kids.” She nervously rambled in the SUV as Reid drove.

“No I don’t mind, It would be fun if we get any sleep in this case. This one seems like it will be a bit of a brain rattler.” Reid agreed with a soft pressed-lipped smile.

They booked their rooms, dropped off their things and all headed their separate ways. The M.E’s office was close to the police station, the two of you in an SUV followed Hotch, JJ and Morgan in another down the road.

The bodies had all been cremated or buried shortly after being found, there wasn’t anything fresh enough to examine for them but they did have access to all the information on all the cases.

“I’ve been the medical examiner here for the last 30 years,” the nice old man said as he led them down the hall to the storage room. “These ones have all been some of the worst cases I’ve seen here. So much so that I keep them all in their own boxes just in case a day like today ever happens.”

“That is very helpful for us thank you so much!” She smiled at him as he held the storage door open.

“They’re all labelled by name and date. If you have any questions about tests or need me to run more with what we have left just give me a holler!” He said as he left the room.

Y/N sighed. “Why do I feel like this is going to take a million years?”

“I can read 20,000 words a minute, it will take me 3 hours to read everything in this room. Luckily we only need to read these few boxes.” Spencer pointed at the wall.

“Okay boy wonder, stop showing off,” she smiled, taking the Victim # 5 case box down first. “She was the first one I put into the system when I joined VICAP.”

“Is that why you sent this case to JJ?”

“Partly,” she sighed again. “There was the emotional attachment of this being my first case but there were just too many connections I knew you guys could bring justice to her family. She was so young.”

Spencer opened a box and she watched as his eyes darted across the pages as he flipped through them. She was mesmerized by how he could do that. But he was probably even smarter than god so it made sense.

“This is interesting. They found LSD in the system of the 3 rapes from back in the day which isn’t that uncommon for the time period or the places where they were abducted, but what’s strange is the amount. This is enough LSD to make someone go insane, no one in their right mind would willingly take this much LSD?” Spencer said.

“They were all found 2 days later dehydrated and alone in the middle of nowhere, there’s no way of knowing if more women didn’t have this happen and died where he left them.”

“He is probably in his 50’s now. How fit would he have to be to still be able to break into houses and rape and murder women?” Spencer asked.

“Well that might be just why he stopped dumping, he might have a bad back and can't lift the dead weight. He is more willing to get caught in someone's house so that he doesn’t have to do the dumping, he can just leave after. 5 of the 6 home invasions were with women who lived alone or husbands who worked night shifts. So they wouldn’t be home. He watched them long enough to know when he could successfully get away with this.” Y/N explained as she flipped through boxes.

“And the rope technique our last victim was found in is exactly the same as the rope burns as the others you’re correct,” Spencer complimented her. “He might have ex-girlfriends or even an ex-wife who he would have tried BDSM on and she didn’t like it, so now he feels like he has to do it this way. When we deliver the profile we should alarm the public about him to draw out any women who would have willingly tried something with our unsub.”

Y/N nodded as he spoke, agreeing with everything. “That could have even been the original stressor, all the women are pretty vanilla, I talked to the husbands over the phone and the original rape victims. They weren’t into trying anything like this in their free time. 2 of the rapes were also virgins. They all had good jobs and good grades, they were outstanding, low-risk members of the community. He might be getting revenge on the women who wouldn’t indulge in this fantasy.”

“He probably feels a lack of control in his personal life, maybe he even has a more dominating wife who he feels he can't stand up to so this is how he deals with it.” Spencer agreed.

“Let's go see Hotch, I think we should deliver the profile.”

—-

They walked into the police station, gliding through the doors like they owned the place. Emily and JJ watched as they walked over to hotch with the exact same energy. Both speaking with their hands and rambling about what they had found.

“So he’s a fit, early 50’s, white male. Married, probably with kids, works with or owns a van. He has a problem with authority in his own life, he feels like he is in a submissive role all day be it from a female boss who’s always on his ass or his wife. It’s possible he even has only daughters and no sons. He feels emasculated, surrounded by women, which is why he started taking these women originally to rape them with BDSM-like acts to finally have that control he lacks in his everyday life.” Y/N explained. “He wouldn’t be very handsome, he would have issues speaking with most women, he keeps to himself, he might have even failed out of jobs involving the police or security, he wants to be in a place of power but he has none of the social skills to accomplish what he wants. I would even look into local army cadets or boy scouts he could be a very old member or the father of someone in one of those groups. His affinity for binding them up and the types of ropes he used are very common BDSM ropes but the knots are reminiscent of ones my brothers would do in at Navy cadets.”

“You got all that from the M.E?” Derek said, shocked at how good she was at this.

“I’ve been staring at his work for 2 years, every time a case from this town came in I checked into it to tie it to this guy. I don’t know what it is but this one gets to me, like BTK or Ed Kemper, these men have specific vendettas against women, they need to dominate women because they have a strong mother or wife in their presence. I know the type of man he is and I want to see him rot in prison.”

Spencer walked over to another table, spreading out a map and beginning to look at the geographical profile. Making down the 3 rapes and their dumpsites, the 6 abducted women and their dumpsites as well as the 6 home invasion homicides. Narrowing down on the geographical profile to find his comfort zone.

Y/N stood beside him watching him draw perfect circles over the map, placing a dot right in the middle. “He either lives or works in this area. Everything is within 35 miles of this area.”

Hotch took out his phone and called Garcia, placing the phone on the table with the speaker on. “Hello my lovelies, what can I do for you?”

“Have you narrowed anything down?” Y/N asked.

“Yes, I have 117 orange vans originally bought in the late ’70s that are still registered to men in this area all between the ages of 45 and 60. 63 of them work in home security, 13 of those have a son in boy scouts and 4 of those have prior peeping tom allegations.” She explained.

“Any of the 4 look interesting?” Hotch asked.

“We have Travis Johnson, 55 he works for Acorn Security, he was doing service in each town that a murder took place the same week they went missing. He is married and has been since 1980 right when he stopped raping and his 5th and last daughter was born the same week that Clarice Richardson was murdered in 1998. They took in a foster child to give him a boy 3 years ago who is in boy scouts, and has all his badges in you guessed it, knot tying.”

“Do we have his home and work address?” Morgan asked.

“Yes of course I do chocolate thunder, they’ve been sent to you already. I’ve also sent a list of his appointments for today, he might be on the hunt.”

“Thanks, baby girl,” Morgan smiled at the phone.

“It's what they pay me the big bucks for.”

She hung up and hotch immediately started handing out bullet-proof vests. “Time to catch him.”

Spencer rested a hand on your back as he passed you, smiling as if to say 'good job'.

Y/n grabbed her vest and her go-bag and quickly changed into something more suited for chasing after a runner. It almost always came to that in her experience. She came back out in jeans and a white long sleeve shirt tucked in, her vest on and her hair up. She placed her earpiece in and straightened out her gun. Making sure the clip was full and adding an extra one to her vest.

“Ready?” She asked Spencer as he tightened his vest.

“Let’s do this.”

They split up, Prentiss Rossi and JJ went to his house while Reid, Morgan, Hotch and Y/L/N took a squad of local cops to where the unsub was supposedly doing his house calls.

They slowly drove through the neighbourhoods, lights off just paroling up and down the streets. They saw an orange van parked on the side of the street, they watched as the unsub got out of the driver's seat, grabbing a bag and walking up to a woman’s house. Slowly they all got out of the SUV, Morgan and Hotch taking the back while Reid and Y/L/N took the front door. They waited for confirmation that he wasn’t alone in this home, before going in.

They could hear a woman talking and then there was a scream, “I’m going in,” Y/L/N said, Kicking the door down before Reid took the lead, Y/N following behind him.

“Travis Johnson? FBI!” Spencer yelled.

The two of them cleared the main room, working their way to the hallway, Reid let her take the lead to the bedroom where they heard the struggle.

“Travis put down the rope and let her go,” Y/N said slowly as he walked into the room, gun pointed.

“And why should I?” He panicked, holding the woman against his chest, she was crying gripping onto the rope he was holding tightly around her throat.

“I’m a huge fan of your work!” Y/N said. “I work for VICAP, I’m the one who had to put each and every single one of your victims in the system. I know exactly how much you’re into control and BDSM, it’s honestly surprising that you have to force these women into it, why are women so against letting a big strong man control them anymore?” She said softly as she lowered the gun and her voice.

“You know, I’ve always thought BDSM was super sexy, I’d love to be tied up and taken control of, if you put down the rope how would you like to have a willing participant one day?” She teased him, getting closer and closer, she could see he was rock hard. He loosened the rope and pushed her to the side, stepping forward towards Y/N who quickly flipped him to the floor and cuffed him.

“Travis Johnson you are under arrest for the rape and murder of over 12 women. You have the right to remain silent, everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can't afford one will be appointed for you. If you chose to share anything without a lawyer present you have the right to stop at any time. Is that clear?”

She single handily lifted him to his feet and dragged him out of the room as the men in the hall just watched with awe.

“You’re a little bitch you know that?” The unsub said as he struggled in her grasp.

She slammed him against the hallway wall, pressing right up against his back, whispering in his ear “oh so now you have a big mouth huh, finally feel like you can talk to a woman who isn’t tied down? I’m in control here, you’re my little bitch you hear me? Only good boys get to speak to me.” She said as she pulled him back off the wall and handed him off to local PD. “Have fun being a little bitch in prison Travis.”

She stood there with her arms crossed catching her breath as the adrenalin shook through her body.

“Well done Y/L/N,” Hotch and Morgan put their fists out to give her props.

“How would you like to join the team for good?” Hotch asked? “we’ve been looking for an extra hand.”

“Absolutely!”

—

They were going to spend the night in Wichita, all agreeing to spend the night getting drinks at the local bar suggested by the PD. Piling into the SUV all together with Spencer offering to DD.

“How much time have you put into Travis?” Prentiss asked in the back seat beside Y/N.

“Sharon Flynn was the first case I ever put into my system 2 years ago. Her case looked so gruesome and evil it never left my mind. So then when Alice Webster, number 6 came in I did some more digging and found the 4 before Sharon and the 3 rapes, I knew it was cold for a while but something about him always stuck with me. And for some reason last week when I emailed the info to JJ out of the blue I had a gut feeling he was at it again.” Y/N explained.

“It’s a special talent to just feel when something is wrong.” JJ smiled back at them.

“I’ve always been, not fascinated, by serial killers but more interested in the chase of justice.” She explained, “if that makes sense. I love puzzles and finding answers and at least this way the end result is families finding peace.”

They pulled into the parking lot, all of them finding their way into the bar before the ladies went to the bathroom to freshen up.

“So Y/N,” Prentiss said, taking her phone out and calling Penelope. “The ladies of the BAU are very close, so welcome to our little group.”

“exactly.” Penelope said over the phone, “welcome to the group you’re going to fit right in!” She cheered.

“Thank you, VICAP was not a tight-knit group like y’all are. I’m extremely excited to get to know you all more.” Y/N smiled as she straightened her shirt out in the mirror.

“So you and Spencer?” JJ asked.

“We were in the same kindergarten class,” Y/N said with a small smile. “I thought he was going to be my best friend and then he took some test and was bumped into 4th grade. By the time I was in high school he had already finished his second Ph.D.”

“So you never kept up with each other?” Prentiss asked.

She shook her head. “I knew of him, my mom is the Activities Organizer at the home his mom is at, he used to go to the park across from my house, he now lives across the hall from me and works with me. I think we were always supposed to be friends but it wasn’t the right time till now.”

“Sounds like you have a crush,” Penelope teased through the phone.

“I do.” She smiled to herself. “I think I always have.”

“If pretty boy was here he’d say that there is a statistical likelihood that because you’ve been interested in him for longer than 3 years you’re most likely in love with him and you'll never not be.” Prentiss explained, “I heard him say that to Hotch once.”

She nodded along, “I guess I just need to get him to fall in love with me now.”

“It won't be that difficult.” JJ placed her hand on Y/N’s back and they all made their way out of the bathroom smiling.

The men were all sitting together at a table with everybody’s drinks already waiting.

“We didn’t know what you liked,” Spencer said as Y/N sat beside him. “So I said I’d go get whatever you want.”

“Or we can go up to the bar together.” She smiled.

The two of them got up and walked to the bar, the rest of the team watched them.

She leaned against the bar, ordering her drinks and pressing in close to Spencer. “It’s been so nice getting to spend time with you.” He said softly.

She was handed her drinks before she could even respond. Taking her tequila shot there and bringing her margarita back to the table as Spencer followed swiftly behind her.

They all drank and exchanged case stories from within and beyond the BAU, Spencer was able to add a lot of input but he was always cut off. Y/N leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “you can tell me all your facts later I really want to hear them.” She smiled so softly Spencer felt his heart about to burst in his chest.

Emily left the group to go flirt with the bartender, JJ was on FaceTime in the SUV with Will, Rossi had disappeared with a local woman and Hotch and Morgan were exchanging childhood stories over a beer in the corner.

The bar was playing old, slow music, almost everyone had filtered out but there were still older local couples hanging out and dancing in the middle of the room.

“Do you dance?” Y/N asked Spencer.

“I can try.”

She took his hand and led him to the floor. Drunk on the alcohol and his touch as she slipped his hands around to her back, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned her head on his chest. She felt his cheek rest on the top of her head as the two of them just swayed in a circle together.

“Do you have any other memories of me?” Y/N asked him softly.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “You lived across the street from the park, and your mom works at the nursing home. You have 2 younger brothers who have always looked older than you. They would come and go when I was sitting on the lone swing and I’d always see you in the window reading. I knew you were my age but it still never felt right for me to talk to you when I was in university.”

“I watched you every time you were on the swings, you looked so peaceful. You read at least a book a day every time you were out there and it became so special to me seeing you there every weekend.” She explained.

“The world works in mysterious ways.” He explained.

She held him as close as she could. Never in her wildest dreams did she expect her day to go like this. She expected coffee and a weird goodbye in the elevator and staring at a computer screen all day. Somehow she ended up in Spencer's arms in a different state after having caught the serial killer that's haunted her dreams for years.

He rubbed his thumb lightly over her back, “do you want to go back to the hotel? We have an early flight.” He whispered.

“Yeah,” she smiled pulling back but reaching down to hold his hand as they walked over to Hotch and Morgan.

They drove home quietly, everyone in the back was happily drunk and tired. They parked and wandered up to their rooms, saying goodbye at their doors and disappearing into their rooms.

Spencer let her take the bathroom first, changing into her PJ’s and then he did the same. She laid in her bed, facing his as he sat up and read.

“Can I come lie beside you?” She asked, knowing exactly how needy she sounded.

He nodded, pulling the sheet back so she could slip right in. She laid on her side and just looked up at him. Absolutely astounded that she was with him.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” Spencer asked, putting his book down and sliding down the bed to be on her level.

“Yeah?” She said nervously.

“Today you said it’s hard for people to come forward after they are assaulted, it sounded like personal experience and I wanted you to know if you need anyone, I’m always available for you.” He explained.

“Oh,” her face dropped. “I was 12, he was 15. You were in high school at the same time as him. I don’t know if you’d remember him, his name was Christopher.”

Spencer nodded along as she spoke. “When my mom finally went back to work she didn’t trust me watching my brothers alone so her friend offered to babysit us during the days. Her foster son took advantage of me the whole summer and when my parents finally found out he went into Sophomore year and told everyone that the nerdy girl who looks like bugs bunny was obsessed with him, that I stalked him and that anything I said about him wasn’t real.”

“I’m so sorry.” He rubbed his hand over her shoulder to soothe her.

“It’s okay, they used to call me bugs bunny because of my overbite. I used to rest my front teeth on my front lip and they would throw carrots at me,” she explained further.

“It all makes sense now,” he said softly.

“What does?”

“When I was 13 the seniors had a cheerleader invite me onto the football field and convinced me to strip down to my underwear, she was about to kiss me when all the football guys ran out and beat me up, they tied me to the goal post and the one said ‘we should really hook you up with bugs bunny, you losers would be perfect together.’ And they left me there all night long.”

“Oh Spencer I am so sorry,” she cuddled in close to him, placing her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “I think we went through our traumas separately all these years because something bigger than us knew we’d need each other one day.”

“When we get back to Virginia, would you like to go on a date with me?” Spencer asked.

“I would want nothing more.” She hugged him a bit tighter.

They stayed like that for a while until Spencer felt Y/N slip into the night's slumber. He quietly reached for the lamp, turning it off and readjusting himself under Y/N’s grasp.

He fell asleep not so long after. Both sleeping soundly for the first time in a long time.

Chapter 2

They had 3 back to back cases once they arrived back at Quantico. They travelled from DC to California to North Carolina within 2 weeks of Y/N working with the BAU.

Meaning she had not yet gone on that date Spencer asked her out on.

“If we get another call as soon as I reach that elevator I am leaving and not coming back. I am exhausted,” Emily said as she packed her bag and all but sprinted for the door.

“I hope my car still runs, it’s been parked here for so long now,” Y/N added and she walked towards the door. “You coming Spence?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you at the car,” he said with a smile as he waved her off.

Emily and Y/N waited for the elevator, Penelope and JJ quickly followed behind them with their bags in their hands. Penelope’s heels clicked as fast as they could against the floor as she tried to catch up.

“Girls night?” JJ asked, “Will said Henry is asleep and he’s about to go to bed too, so I’m free for a bit?”

“I have to go home, I’ve barely moved into my new apartment, I still have to unpack,” Y/N explained.

“How about we come have some wine and help you?” Emily offered.

“If I’m being honest, I kinda want some alone time with Spencer.” She blushed bright red.

“Oooooo,” Penelope and JJ teased.

“It’s about time someone gave Spencer the attention he deserves,” Emily laughed.

“Believe me he’s going to get too much attention now that I live across the hall from him, work with him and carpool with him,” she giggled right back. “Has he never had a girlfriend before?”

“Not that we know of,” JJ said, “he’s very quiet.”

“Have you?” Penelope asked, “dated before that is?”

“oh no, I’ve never dated anyone before, I haven’t even kissed anyone in years,” she said feeling bashful and embarrassed.

“I think that's what Spencer needs though,” Emily added, “He needs someone on the same level as him all ‘round, you two match in every sense it’s almost perfect.”

“He’s probably the only man who doesn’t make me feel scared like I want my first real love to be with someone I feel safe with, I don’t think I could do anything with like, Morgan or Hotch or any men like them. They’re nice, yeah but the aggressive authority side isn’t something I’m comfortable around outside of work.” She explained.

“Yeah, Spencer is a sweetheart. I think that’s why I didn’t end up with him honestly.” JJ said softly, “Gideon tried to hook us up years ago cause we were the youngest on the team, but I do crave that authority outside of work.”

“It’s probably because you’re in power here. You handle the media, you wear the pants and you get shit done,” Y/N said, “you want to go home and be taken care of by a man who knows how to run a household.”

“Exactly!” JJ laughed.

“I want to be taken care of, yes, but I rather be the caretaker at home. I just want someone who will do their own thing with me in the same room, to kiss me before we go to bed and make sure I know they love me.” Y/N said softly, only picturing a life with Spencer as she said it.

The elevator never moved the whole time they were in there, it dinged and opened to Spencer and Morgan waiting. “You guys are that tired you didn’t even make it to your cars?” Morgan teased.

“didn’t even push the button actually,” Y/N chimed in.

“We were having girl time,” Penelope smiled.

“well let’s go home finally,” Morgan and Spencer walked in, pressing the button to the garage and riding down in silence.

Spencer waited for Y/N to exit the elevator last before walking with her to her car. She unlocked it and got in, watching and waving as her new friends pulled out of the garage.

“Ready?” She asked, pulling out as soon as she saw Spencer nod his head with his cute little pressed-lip smile.

They drove home in silence, enjoying the peace and quiet for the first time in weeks. The drive was quick, 30 minutes in the cold, dark, Virginia wilderness.

She parked in their parking lot, yawning as she turned the car off. She grabbed her purse from the back seat and made her way inside with Spencer.

“You going to sleep?” She asked him when they reached her door.

“Probably not, my brain is still too caught up in the cases,” he said honestly.

“Would you like to come in for some tea? To calm down before bed?” She offered as she unlocked her door.

She stepped inside, unlocking the alarm with the 4 digit code. Spencer tried his best not to listen but he failed, he’ll remember the sound of the code forever now.

She flicked on the light and looked around at the mess she left in her living room. “God I forgot it’s a mess in here,” she groaned.

Spencer followed her inside, following her lead and dropping his bag on the floor. He watched as Y/N walked around the house with her hand on her gun, clearing each room to make sure it was still safe.

“Sorry, I live alone, I don’t take any chances,” she said as she came back into the room.

She unlocked her safe and placed her work gun inside, closing it and spinning the lock right after. She let out a deep sigh, stretching her arms out over her head. “It’s so nice to be back in this mess.”

“I can help you unpack this weekend?” Spencer offers.

“If you want to that would be nice, I’ll order us some take out too.”

She picked up the boxes on her couch and moved them to the floor, she cleared off her coffee table and took the lamps out of the box in the corner. She plugged them into the wall and set them on the end tables. Luckily her furniture was in place all she had to do was put out all her little trinkets, books and photos.

Spencer took a seat on her couch, opening a box with mugs and cups, taking them all out of their bubble wrapping and setting them on the coffee table.

Y/N managed to find her kettle, as well as the box of random food she brought from her old cupboard. She set out a variety of teas and digestive biscuits.

Spencer slowly brought the mugs over, placing them in the cupboard of Y/N’s choosing, making sure he left 2 mugs out for them.

“Can I have a green tea?” Spencer asked softly.

“Of course, is it your favourite?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I would like some caffeine but I’m not interested in having a coffee, so this is a good middle ground.”

“I’m not a fan of most hot drinks, that's why I drink ice coffee in the mornings,” Y/N poured the hot water into both cups, leaving room for milk in both mugs just in case. “But, Orange Pekoe is my favourite.”

She placed a tea bag in each mug and handed Spencers to him.

She watched him add a little sugar to his mug before picking it up and returning to the sofa. She followed him shortly after adding milk and sugar to her own, as well as a plate of cookies.

She sighed as she settled in to the couch. “Going to try my hardest to manifest a full weekend off, with no cases, if my spirit guides loved me they will listen.” She jokes.

“You’re spiritual?” He asks.

“A little?” She shrugs, “I’m very into natural medicine, lunar cycles, manifesting and affirmations. Basically what would be considered a witch back in the day.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “I had a pretty invasive surgery when I was 17, and because of the body trauma, I developed fibromyalgia. And there really aren’t any answers or explanations for it so I had to turn to something to bring me peace and pain relief.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through that.”

“It’s okay, eating right, taking my supplements, sleeping and exercise help. Basically, if I take care of myself my body will thank me,” she huffed out a small laugh. “It’s annoying waking up in pain randomly for no reason. I rather wake up sore from taking down an unsub, at least then, the pain is more like a reward, you know?”

Spencer nodded along and smiled softly, “I’m glad you found something that helps you.”

“How about you? I’m guessing you’re a science-only man?”

He laughed, “yes.”

“So do you believe in soulmates?” She asked on a whim.

“In the scientific sense of the word yes. I believe when the big bang happened, all the atoms, electrons and particles that split to make the universe as we know it, still exist in us today. Who’s to say that they don’t pull back to each other, causing a cosmic connection,” Spencer explained softly, his voice low as he explained himself.

Y/N set her drink down, moving in closer to him on the couch. “And how do you know when you’ve met your other half?” She asked. Her voice was just as low.

Spencer set his mug down as well, he placed his warm hand on her cheek, “I think everything would just make sense with them. They’d orbit each other's lives for so long, observing and acknowledging one another and finally one day they’ll connect.”

He leaned in and pressed his perfectly soft lips against hers. She reached her hand around the back of his neck and held him into the kiss. Breathing in deeply through her nose, trying to keep the moment forever.

She pulled back, her breathing was deep as she opened her eyes to look into his. “If you weren’t just explaining the big bang to me, I’d think that was it.”

He laughed at her joke, making both of their hearts soar. She pressed him back against the sofa, adjusting themselves so that she was lying partially on top of him as they cuddled in her crowded living room.

They could hear the sound of the world going on around them. The subtle hum of the subway below them. The distant car horns, someone upstairs was walking around in their apartment.

They were completely quiet then, just cuddled up in their own world without any distractions. The two of them let their hands wander each other as they laid there.

Y/N slowly sat up, peeling herself out of Spencer's grip. “Do you want to spend the night here?”

“I’m just going to run across the hall and get ready for bed, I can lock up when I come back?” He said softly.

“Okay, the button with the person inside the house is the one you hold down on the alarm system after you lock both locks,” she explained before standing up and walking into her bedroom.

She changed into a pair of shorts, a sports bra, and a tank top. She brushed her teeth and hair, throwing it up in a little bun. She took out her contacts, replacing them with her glasses. She washed her face, watered her plants and sat down in her bed finally.

She had her hand on her night side drawer, where she keeps her other gun, just in case the person coming into her house wasn’t Spencer. But then she heard the alarm system arm, both locks clicked, the sound of dishes being placed in the sink and finally the sound of a lamp being clicked off.

Spencer slipper clad feet against the hardwood floor is all she heard as he walked into her room. He took the right side of the bed, wearing his PJ bottoms and a regular t-shirt. It was really the first time she was him so dressed down.

She settled down into the bed, she put her glasses on her side table, plugged in her phones and turned out the light. Spencer spooned into her, cuddling in tight and holding her against his chest.

“Goodnight, Spencer.” She whispered.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

She didn’t fall asleep right away. She basked in the glory that was Spencer Reid’s warm embrace. The feeling of his breath against her neck and his hand on her stomach.

“I love you.” Was the last thing she thinks she heard before she finally fell asleep.

—

She woke up to her phone ringing. She reached over to the nightstand and clicked talk. “SSA Y/L/N,” she said.

“Hey, it’s Penelope.”

“What’s up?”

“Not a case don’t worry, I was just wondering if I could stop by with some iced coffee and breakfast sandwiches to help you unpack?” She asked way too cheerfully for whatever time it was.

“Uh yeah just give us a chance to wake up, can you come by in 30?” She said as she rubbed her eyes, waking up.

“Us?”

“Uh, yeah, Spencer came in for tea and slept on the couch,” she lied.

“No I didn’t,” he groggily chimed in from where he was cuddled into the crook of Y/N’s neck.

“Right okay, so I’ll bring Spencer some breakfast too then,” she said before hanging up.

Y/N placed the phone back on her night table, settling back into Spencer’s embrace.

“Why’d you lie?” He asked.

“Didn’t know if I had your consent to tell her about us yet,” she whispered into his hair as she placed kisses on his head.

“Morgan told me if I didn’t kiss you last night, he’d make me do another round of physical evaluations,” he smiled against her skin. “He wanted to win the bet everyone set to see who would kiss who first.”

“So you just helped the guys win?”

“Prentiss, Morgan and Hotch were betting for me to kiss you first,” he admitted.

“Well, that means Rossi, Garcia and JJ think I’m the one wearing the pants here. Good to know,” she giggled.

“You can wear the pants,” he said as he shifted his weight to look up at her, “as long as I get to take them off later.”

“Well, Dr. Reid, I never thought you’d have it in you,” she was pleasantly surprised.

“When I get comfortable around someone I’m a lot different than I am at work,” he explained, “I heard what you said about needing someone to take care of who still wants to take care of you.”

She blushed, “of course you did.”

He leaned down to kiss her jaw and down her neck. “I think we can work something out,” he whispered.

Her breathing hitched. She couldn’t believe the complete 180º his personality just took, and she wasn’t complaining. All the moisture left her mouth as she just nodded her head in agreement.

“We should get up before she gets here,” he said, kissing her one last time before crawling out of bed.

She laid there staring up at the ceiling, shocked, flabbergasted, enamoured, basically every single word that essentially meant ‘what the fuck just happened.'

She got up, turned off the alarm and waited to use the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and replaced her tank top with a sweater. Spencer slipped across the hall to change into jeans and a button-down shirt, almost like he couldn’t be in anything else around his friends.

Penelope was a hugger, she made sure to give Y/N a good squeeze as she walked into her apartment. “It’s literally the same as Reid’s just backwards,” was the first thing she said.

“I wouldn’t know, I haven’t been over there yet,” Y/N smiled, taking the coffees out of Penelope’s hands and setting them on the counter.

“JJ and Emily said they’d love to come help later too if you want them to, but it doesn’t look too bad for just the 3 of us,” she said looking around.

“Everything is labelled, my room is all done so you don’t need to worry about it, set up however you see fit, honestly, I’m at a bit of a loss figuring out how to make this place feel more like me with what I have.”

“Alright, well,” she started, looking for the box with the cleaning supplies. “First we clean the kitchen then we put everything where it has to go.”

So that's what they did, they spent a few hours wiping down every surface in the house, disinfecting the floors, the walls, door handles, nobs, everything. Then Penelope got out all her pots and pans, hanging them on the rack above the kitchen island.

Spencer took all the plates out, stacking them neatly in the cabinet. Y/N stacked her cups and glasses, placing them on the shelf with the glass door. They organized her utensils, baking equipment, cookbooks and aprons, asking all about how much she baked.

She offered to make cookies for the team soon, that was a Sunday night with Spencer activity for sure.

In the living space, there weren’t many things. Spencer unpacked the books and placed them on her shelves in library-coded order. While Penelope and Y/N unboxed all her albums and records, cheering and singing along to their favourites.

Y/N had never quite had friends like this before, people who just fit into her life so easily. This was really the best family in the FBI, they knew how to make someone feel completely and wholly loved.

“I need to get some art and stuff,” Y/N said staring at the one empty wall.

“What are you going to do on the fireplace mantle?” Spencer asked, noticing it was still empty.

“Probably some of my spiritual stuff, like my crystals and candles and incense,” she smiled.

“oh, I do that too!” Another thing they had in common.

The day blew past them. They finished unpacking and breaking down all the boxes by 2 pm, finally sitting down altogether, exhausted. Ready to order a few pizzas and chill for the rest of the afternoon.

—

“I really appreciate the help today,” she said as she hugged Penelope. Penelope’s hugs were more comforting than her own mother’s, she thought. Holding her tightly and taking it all in. “I’m so blessed I ran into Spencer and now I get to be your friend.”

“I will cry,” she joked as she hugged y/n tighter. “I’m very blessed to have met you as well.”

She hugged Spencer on her way out as well, forcing herself to leave or else she would have stayed and talked for hours.

As soon as Spencer closed the door behind her, he set the alarm the way Y/N liked it. She smiled at him, seeing him remember how she likes to feel completely safe.

She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in. “Would you like to make out with me on my bed?”

“Like horny teenagers?” He giggled, dropping his forehead to rest on hers.

“We never really got the horny teenage experience,” she said softly.

“Are you-?” He cut himself off before he could say the word.

She looked up at him, her eyes big and innocent, she nodded. “technically.”

“Technically?” He repeated softly.

“I don’t want to count my sexual assault as my first,” she whispered. “I’ve never let anyone touch me since.”

His arms wrapped tighter around her, pulling her in closer to be right against his chest. He kissed her cheeks, her chin, forehead, nose, and finally her lips. “I’m going to try my best to never hurt you.”

She kissed him deeper, her hand on the back of his neck, never wanting to part from him. But when she did, she whispered, out of breath. “Promise to only hurt me if I ask you to?”

He saw the way his breath hitched and the way his grip changed. His face went red as he nodded feverishly.

“Are you a virgin Dr. Reid?” She teased.

“No,” he whispered. “I uh had sex in college, just to get it out of the way.”

She broke out of his grasp, taking his hand and pulling him into her bedroom. She closed the door behind them flicking on her fairy lights and lighting a couple of candles. He sat patiently on her bed as he watched her nervously organize things that had no reason to be organized in that moment.

But he let her calm down until she was fully ready, or she changed her mind. Either way, he was going to hang out with her all night long, however she wanted him.

“Close your eyes,” she asked softly. “Lay back against the bed and don’t look at me yet.” She ordered him and he listened.

He pressed his eyes closed and scooted up the bed till his head was on a pillow, laying back with his hands over his eyes. He listened closely to the sound of her taking her clothes off. She tried to steady her breath as she pulled off her sweater and sports bra and replace it with something cute.

She put on her only pair of matching underwear, ones she got on sale at some department store that she only wore for herself so far. She crawled up the bed, sitting directly on Spencer's hips.

She took his hands off his eyes, noticing they were still closed, she smiled. She placed his hands on her bare hips. “Open them.”

He opened his eyes to the most stunning image he’s ever seen in his life. Blinking a few times as his mind burned the image into the back of his eyelids for the rest of time. “Fuck,” he whispered.

She smiled to herself, “thought you’d like it.”

She leaned down, arching her back and kissed his neck. His hands travelled from her thighs to her perched ass as she kissed up his jaw to his ear. He was nothing but breathy moans and thank you’s as she explored him.

She ground herself down on his growing erection, smirking against his skin. She sat back on his hips, wiggling as she undid each of his shirt buttons, way too slow.

She took her time, pulling the front of his shirt out of his jeans and finally spreading the shirt open. Her hands ran over his chest before she used her nails to scrape her way down to his jean buttons.

He reached for her hands then. Stopping her and looking up into her eyes. “Before we start, I need to know what will trigger you,” he said softly.

“Oh,” her face dropped a little, she was a little overwhelmed with the fact he was asking, but she knew he truly cared. “I can’t do blowjobs yet, I will probably have a panic attack.”

“I can live without them,” he smirked, “look at everything else you do, fuck you’re amazing.” His hands roamed her skin the whole time.

She tucked her ankles under his knees and in one swift moment flipped them from laying on his side of the bed to the middle. He was on top of her now, absolutely amazed that she could do that.

“Told you I was combat trained,” she giggled.

Spencer sat up on the bed, ripping his shirt off and pushing himself out of both his jeans and underwear at the same time. Her mouth couldn’t help but fall open and the sight of his perfect cock bouncing free.

He sat back, trying to tug his jeans off of his ankles when he fell back and landed on the hardwood floor, “Spencer!” She couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from her.

He huffed, clearly embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she quickly bit her lip to try and stop laughing.

“When you said horny teenager phase I didn’t think you meant the awkward part too,” he smiled, standing completely naked in front of her.

“Get back here,” she giggled.

He got right back on top of her, between her legs that she wrapped immediately around him. Locking him in place. “How would you like it?” He asked.

“Well hypothetically,” she began with a smirk, “I think I would like to ride you, sitting up, tits in your face, the whole shebang.”

He forgot how to breathe, the most beautiful girl in the world just laid out how she wants to be fucked like it was a science experiment.

He was in love with her.

She flipped him again, “you have to stop doing that!” He gasped.

She laughed as she sat up, getting off him enough so he could sit up against the headboard. She shimmied out of her underwear before sitting down on him again, their most intimate parts just resting close to one another. She shivered at the feel of his hot skin against hers. She’d never been this close to another human before.

“Do you have a condom?” He asked, suddenly shy.

“If you want one yeah but I have an IUD in case I get,” she stopped herself, “you know, in the field.”

“Yeah that's smart,” he was so nervous.

She leaned in and kissed him. Holding his cheeks in her hands as his hands reached behind her back to undo her bra. She opened her mouth to let him explore with his tongue as she felt the straps of her bra slip down her shoulders.

She let go of his face one hand at a time and peeled the bra from her skin. Flinging it across the room without looking and pressing her breasts against his chest.

She gets on her knees without breaking the kiss, reaching between them she grips the base of his cock. His breath hitches in his throat and she can feel his pulse in his shaft.

She drags the head through her folds, she breaks the kiss to breathe in his ear, “you know, you’re just a bit bigger than what I'm used to.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

She lines him up with her and slowly pushes down on him, pulling up and back down again, each time getting his cock a little wetter on her juices so he can slip in easier. “I think it was called the emerald stud, he’s in a box over there,” she whispers in his ear as she bottoms out.

She sits back, her arms around his shoulders, she rocks on his cock. His eyes slip shut as he dips his head back against her crossed wrists. “Fuck,” he breathes.

She shifts again, bouncing more on him when she’s used to his size. His hands are on her ass again, helping her bounce as he moved to kiss her neck and collarbones.

He’s all noises, hot breath against her chest and sloppy kisses. She reaches between them to rub her clit before he pushes her hand out of the way to rub her himself. Feeling how swollen she is, he squeezes her clit lightly.

She moans out a high pitches squeak that she had no idea she could make, covering her mouth as she bounced a little harder on his cock. “Fuck Spencer,” she whispered into his hair.

He kissed her ear again, “you want me to cum in you?” He asks.

“God yeah, fill me up,” she replies without thinking, tossing her head back and grinding down ever so provocatively on him.

She presses her front against him more, causing the friction from his index finger on her clit to get more intense as she bucks her hips faster and faster against him.

He’s gone. Absolutely destroyed. He cants even worn her that he’s about to cum he just tips his head back and fucks up into her, gripping her ass so tight that he knows she’s going to have 5 deep, finger-shaped, purple bruises around each ass cheek.

Her orgasm rips through her, losing balance with her shaking thighs she gasps for air, falling into him with her face in the crook of his neck. She is breathing so hard as she comes down, she drools on his neck a little.

He pulls his hand out from between them, flicking her clit on last time. Sending a tremor through her body. She twitches against him, tensing up and tightening around the cock still inside her.

He moans once more, and she feels the tiniest trickle of cum slip out of her as he lifts her off him.

They don’t talk. They just hold onto one another, breathing and rubbing their hands over each other's skin.

“Wow,” Spencer finally says.

“Yeah,” she agrees.

“Hypothetically,” he says with a smile, “I think the outcome we reached was the intended goal?” Only Spencer Reid would make a joke like that after sex.

She laughed and kissed his neck, “very successful, I would be willing to switch techniques next time to see if we can repeat this outcome.”

“Sounds like a date.”

chapter 3

They worked together perfectly. Every morning he’d head across the hall to his own apartment to get ready, coming back to a slice of toast and coffee in his travel mug ready to go.

She looked gorgeous every morning. She put time and effort into what she wore to work, just to chase psychopaths all day. He was in love with her, its the only thing he knew for sure when he looked at her. He was never going to recover from falling for her.

He’d hold all her things while she sets the alarm and locks the door. She would drive them to work each morning and even then he’d carry all her things up to the office.

Everyone noticed how Spencer changed around Y/N, he was always smiling, he was basically glowing from being in love, and having sex. Derek teased him constantly, but in all honesty, he was really proud of his little bro.

They had a slow day, which meant all the ladies filed into Penny’s office to shoot the shit when they were really supposed to be writing reports.

“So?” Penelope looked at Y/N with an arched eyebrow. “How is he?”

She shook her head and giggled to herself. “Really good.”

“Really?” Emily pried?

“He has this other personality that comes out when we, you know,” she was afraid to say fuck inside the walls of Penelope’s office. “I’m addicted, I was so afraid to have sex and now I’m like having an internal battle of is it really worth getting caught in the filing room for a quicky!”

They all burst into laughter, sharing stories of all the times each of them has fucked at work, “you won't get caught if you let us help you?” JJ said with a smirk.

“You’re kidding?” Y/N tilted her head, not believing her.

“I can ask Morgan and the team to lunch while you stay here, text Spencer saying to stay back to get work done but he can meet you in here.” Penelope planned the whole thing.

“No,” Y/N shook her head. “I don’t think I’m comfortable enough for that yet.” She was being completely honest.

“We need a code word for when you choose to use this plan,” Emily said. “Like you group text us the word ‘switch’ and we will keep everyone busy for you and Spence.”

“Why do you want me to fuck him here so bad?”

They all laughed, “because we’re not used to Spence getting this kind of love!” JJ said. “Emily and Penelope covered for me literally when me and Will made Henry.”

“having a hand in making my godson gave me a god complex,” Penelope joked.

They got along fabulously, laughing and working all afternoon before the boys came to get them.

“We got something.”

Y/N walked out first joining Spencer in the hall with a smile, standing close enough to him as they walked that their knuckles rubbed together. She sat beside him in the briefing room, opening the case file in front of her and flipping through the info.

“Wow,” she whispered to herself. “I know a few of the 13 women, I put them in the missing system.”

Spencer rubs his hand over her back softly, looking at the pages she’s flipping through.

Garcia wasn’t cheery anymore, she grabbed the remote for the tv and started her rundown.

“Over the last 6 days, police in Winnemucca Nevada have dug up 13 bodies of women who have gone missing in the last 10 years. He seems to kill sporadically without patterns. M.E has confirmed all 13 women, and de-comp shows they were all killed within 24 hours of going missing.”

“Cause?” Prentiss asked.

“All 13 were strangled with plastic shopping bags, that were left wrapped around their faces in the graves. They were all sexually assaulted antemortem, but not all of them died from asphyxiation. He also stabbed 9 of the 13 victims, 5 of which died from massive blood loss. But the real kicker was that all 13 of them had their wombs removed.” Penelope finished.

“Do we know if any of them were pregnant?” Y/N asked.

“Yes,” she said flipping through slides, “victim number 13, Traci Purcell was 17 and according to her autopsy, her HCG levels indicated she would have been 3 weeks along when she was murdered.”

“Are they able to see if the others were pregnant?” Hotch asked.

“They’re working on it, best bet will be for me to pull medical records and to ask the family.”

“Wheels up in 30,” Hotch nodded towards the door.

Slowly but surely they all filed into the plane, Y/N took a window seat, quickly burying her head in the file, looking at each and every victim carefully.

“Spence, would you help me place the geographical profile?” Y/N asked him softly as he got comfortable in the seat across from her.

“Once we take off we can spread out the map,” he smiled softly back at her. Even when dealing with the hard cases they managed to get caught up in each other's eyes.

“Okay love birds, can I sit here too or will I get more than air sickness?” Morgan said, pretending to feel sick as he sat beside Y/N.

She smacked his arm lightly.

“Speaking of,” Spencer said, stopping to swallow nervously. “Hotch I’m going to need 2 of the workplace fraternization forms when we get back.”

Everyone on the plane cheered at him, he got 3 high-fives and all the congratulations in the world. Y/N immediately felt her face warm up.

“Don’t worry, Garcia filed them for you that night she helped you unpack,” Hotch smiled into his paperwork.

“How did she even know?” Y/N’s voice went up 3 octaves as she panicked.

“At least we know when pretty boy lost his V card now,” Morgan smirked.

“No, just me.” Y/N corrected him. To which Spencer was given yet another high five.

Just then Spencer was handed $20 from Rossi, Hotch, and Morgan. Y/N raised an eyebrow, “why?”

“I bet them $20, years ago, that I am in fact not a virgin and they said they would and I quote ‘only pay me if a woman who has fucked me confirms it.’ So who’s going to tell Gideon to pay up?” He explains.

The team carried on like normal after all the excitement died down. Having side conversations, working on the case, sleeping. The trip from Quantico to Winnemucca was fairly quick.

Y/N sat with Spencer at the table, spreading out the map and watching him place where all 13 victims disappeared from as well as where they were found. They were spread over 3 subdivisions, all 35 miles at least away from the burial sites.

“The park,” Spencer said softly.

“Is that the middle ground?”

“Yeah there’s something significant with the park,” Spencer confirms.

—

Spencer and Y/N went to the M.E together, all 13 women were labelled and displayed under white sheets. They took their time looking over each skeleton and the bodies.

“Clean cuts on the stomach, I wonder why he didn’t stab her?” Spencer said as he looked at the 13th victim.

“She might have cooperated better, or and I hate to say it but, seeing as she was Asian there is a high chance she didn’t bear resemblance to the source of the unsubs rage meaning she got to go out a little easier,” Y/N suggested with a disgusted look on her face.

“The 5 who died of blood loss were all white, brown hair, green eyes. 3 were 26, 2 were 29. They might be exactly his type,” Spencer confirmed the theory.

“They were also murdered,” she flipped her notebook open to show a chart with 5 columns. “June, February, June, November, November. Could also mean something to him.”

“What is that?” Spencer asks.

“It’s a chart that has the name, their age, the missing date and last scene location, the estimated date of death, and the cause. So that I can easily refer to the most important info when making a connection,” She explained. “My brain works better if I can see everything, so I also have my own little hand-drawn map of the area on his page as well as all my ideas in case I don’t get a turn to speak.”

“That’s really smart,” he smiled.

“So June, November and February might be significant to him.”

“Let’s go tell Hotch.”

Spencer drove for once, Y/N sat in the passenger seat in the SUV, doodling into her notebook.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Spencer asked.

“I wrote down the first letter of each month,” she explained, showing him the notebook. “And I circled each of the 3 months that repeat, February, June and November.”

“Okay?” He followed along.

“From February to November it’s 10 months or 40 weeks which is the typical length of a pregnancy,” She explained further. “This whole thing is clearly about pregnancy seeing as he is taking wombs. It’s clearly not a woman seeking revenge because of the sexual assault so it has something to do with him seeking revenge for a pregnancy in his life.”

“Could even be his own, like he’s punishing women who look like his mother because he wishes he was never born,” Spencer ponders.

They pulled into the police station, she got out and walked in all with her head still in the notebook. “Find anything?” Hotch asked.

“Of course she did,” Spencer bragged about her.

—

They all took a break, going back to their hotels to get some rest. All agreeing that since the media hasn’t released anything about this case yet the killed has no idea. They take it in faith that he will stick to his 2 to 4 month waiting period.

They all returned the next morning, refreshed and ready to resume their findings. JJ and Emily spent most of the morning interviewing families of the victims, specifically asking if they knew the vic was pregnant as well as what significance the park played in or around their pregnancies.

Y/N sat in silence with a coffee, flipping through her notebook. Hotch and Morgan were running over ideas they all had with Garcia on the phone.

“Hey, Spence?” Y/N called boy wonder over from the map he had been staring at.

“Yes, my love?” He says softly.

“I think I have an idea, can you go over it with me before we tell the team?” She asked.

“Of course,” he took a seat beside her.

“Why do I have an IUD?” She asks him in a whisper.

“In case you get raped in the field,” he whispered back.

“More specifically.”

“So you don’t get pregnant as a result of a rape in the field.”

“The sexual assaults in his mind, are him getting these victims pregnant. But they’re already pregnant when he picks them right?” She explains, “So that when he removes the uterus postmortem it's his way of aborting the child.”

“So this is all about abortion?” Spencer confirms.

“More specifically to do with how you said he regrets being born,” she corrects.

“Do you think he’s the product of a failed abortion?”

She nodded her head, “yeah and that by taking the whole uterus, and the strangling, and the stabbing, both mother and baby are for sure dead.”

“Hotch!” Spencer called across the room. “Y/N figured it out.”

They waited for JJ and Prentiss to finish an interview before they all piled into an office to discuss Y/N’s idea.

“Is there even any way to know if someone is the product of a failed abortion?” Prentiss asked after Spencer and Y/N took turns explaining how they came to their conclusion.

“Probably the best way would be to search for babies born with the common disabilities that occur in babies of failed abortions, but make sure they were born in November,” Y/N explained.

“Why November?” Penelope asked over the phone.

Y/N took a whiteout marker and started writing on the whiteboard.

“The 5 victims that died from loss of blood were all exactly the same, they were murdered in June, February, June. November and November.” She explained.

Writing “J F M A M J J A S O N D” on the whiteboard. Circling February, June and November.

“February, conception. 10 months later, or 40 weeks, is November. June is 4 months along meaning that would be when the mother either had the abortion, be it medical or homemade,” Y/N explained.

“Last year alone 146 of the 164,045 abortions resulted as a failure. When this happens most women choose to have the second procedure, or a D and C. Or they can carry the baby the rest of the way to term,” Spencer explained. “Children brought to term from a first-trimester medical abortion failure often have limb or digit abnormalities while infants born from non-medical approved abortions are more likely to have congenital problems.”

“However someone without a limb would not be able to do what our unsub is capable of. Digging graves, abducting, dragging dead bodies, it’s a lot of effort,” JJ added.

“Exactly, which is why I think our unsub probably has a mental disability.”

“Non-medical abortions, most often referred to as the poor person’s method, is taking a non-FDA approved ulcer treatment drug called Misoprostol, which is causing an epidemic of birth defects all along South America and parts of Asia,” Spencer added. “It induces contractions, causing women to deliver babies far too early to survive outside of the womb. If taken after the first trimester, and unsuccessful it can cut off oxygen to the brain long enough to permanently damage development in the frontal lobe.”

“Did the families mention anything about the park?” Y/N asked Prentiss and JJ.

“So far 4 of the victim's husbands say their wives announced they were pregnant on park benches, near the children swinging. They said it was the typical, ‘that could be us one day, that day came sooner than you thought’ moments from movies.” JJ confirmed.

“Let’s deliver the profile,” Hotch announced, following them all into the precinct.

—

They spent the next few hours looking for anyone with birth defects or mental disabilities that could be a potential suspect. Asking the other officers as well as anyone around the park about the type of man they were looking for.

Morgan and JJ patrolled the park while Rossi and Prentiss asked around on the street.

“Lynette Hayward,” Y/N whispered to herself, standing up and rushing through all the papers on the table in front of her.

“She was the only one who wasn’t pregnant, she was the only one who wasn’t reported missing, she was the oldest and in her youth, she had brown hair and green eyes. What if she’s his mother?” Y/N expressed to Spencer and Hotch who were watching her scramble around.

She pulled her phone out and called Garcia, “what’s cooking good lookin’?” Penelope answered.

“Can you help unscramble my egg brain?” She joked right back.

“Sure thing, whatcha got?”

“Lynette Hayward, does she have children, was she ever pregnant, or put someone up for adoption?”

“Let me check into it and I will call you right back!” Garcia said, hanging up and going right to work.

“Is there anyone here who knew Lynette Hayward about 30 years ago? She would have been 26 to 29, my height, brown hair, and green eyes?” Y/N announced to the whole Police Department.

“I did,” an officer said, standing up from the desk on the other side of the room.

She waved him over, pulling out a chair and asking him to sit.

“Was Lynette ever pregnant?” Y/N asked.

He thought for a moment, licking his lips and harkening all the way back to his 20’s. “There was a summer that no one saw her."

"When was this?" Spencer asked.

"From June to November, not a single person saw her. We thought maybe she was doing summer classes somewhere,” he explained.

“Were there any children dropped off at a fire hall or a hospital that November?” Spencer asked.

“There was a baby left in the park, poor little guy had been left out there in the cold,” he said.

Hotch, Spencer and Y/N all took a deep breath and looked at each other. “That’s him.”

Garcia called back then, “I found 1 baby left abandoned in the park in November of 1979, he was diagnosed with a cleft lip and palate, seizures, and later on he was diagnosed with diabetes, Crohn’s disease and Asperger's syndrome.”

“Name and address?” Spencer asked.

“That's the difficult part, he was born, operated on and handed over to the state and cared for by a foster family that named him Jake Alexander Ingrid. At the age of 6, he was adopted by them fully. When he was 12 he dropped out of the public school system due to bullying that left him in the hospital with a broken arm. After that, his trail goes cold.”

“How cold?” Y/N asked.

“If I didn't know better I'd say he was the one missing not Lynette,” Garcia confirmed.

“Does anyone live in Lynette’s house?” Hotch asked.

The sound of Garcia’s typing was all they heard over the phone, “her bills are being paid on time, someone is in her trailer. I’ve sent the address to your phones.”

“Let’s go.”

Hotch kicked the trailer door in, “FBI!”

He was asleep, startled awake in the bed that used to belong to his birth mother. He cried, overwhelmed with the 3 guns pointed in his face. Hotch sighed, cuffing him and reading him his rights.

“Why are the worst ones always the sadist?” Y/N asked Spencer as they watched forensics tore apart the trailer.

“Sad in what context?”

“His whole life was so fucked up, it sucks. All those women crossed paths with him and he took his fucked up life and ended theirs, as well as their babies,” Y/N couldn’t stop shaking her head as she spoke, disgusted with the whole situation.

Spencer wrapped her up in a hug, “if we spend all our time wondering why the world is like this we won't have enough time to bring justice to the victims.”

“which is the best outcome we can ask for,” Y/N agreed.

“Dr, Reid, agent Y/L/N?” An officer interrupted their hug and watched them awkwardly pull away from each other quickly.

“Yes?” Spencer answered.

“We found the wombs.”

The worst fucking sentence she had ever heard. “I can’t look at that.” She said, walking away to join JJ and Prentiss standing by the SUV.

“Good job kid,” Morgan said, wrapping his arm around her. “You’re almost as smart as boy wonder over there.”

“Just call me Mrs, boy wonder then,” she joked.

“Don’t tempt him!” Prentiss joked.

Y/N turned back to see Spencer walking out of the trailer, a shade of green spreading across his skin. “Excuse me,” she said walking towards the ambulance that was on standby.

“Dr. Reid looks like he might be sick,” she said, taking an EMT with her towards him.

Sure enough, Spencer leaned over the bushes and hurled before passing out into the EMT’s arms. Morgan and Hotch came running over to him, helping get him into an ambulance.

“What happened?” Morgan asked.

“He took a look at the recovered womb’s the forensic team found,” Y/N explained.

“That would do it,” Hotch agreed.

Y/N rubbed her hand along Spencer’s shoulder, “good catch,” the EMT complimented her as he took Spencer's vitals.

“I know him well.”

“Too well,” Morgan agreed. “You’d think you were cut from the same cloth.”

“No,” she said softly, gripping Spencer’s hand in her own as he started to stir a little. “We’re cosmically connected, made from the same space rock that split during the big bang.”

“I love you,” he whispered, awake the whole time she was speaking.

“Yeah, yeah,” she teased him, “I know, save your strength, you’re still all pasty white.”

“Gross,” Morgan smiled, turning away from the ambulance

chapter 4

Prentiss convinced Y/N and Spencer to take the weekend off in Nevada to go visit their parents. They agreed that it would be nice, seeing as neither of them thought to tell their moms that they met again let alone that they were together.

Y/N walked into the Nursing home first, looking for her mom in her office as Spencer walked in quickly to go find his mother.

“Hey mom,” Y/N smiled as she knocked on her mother's office door.

“Y/N!” She yelled, shocked to see her eldest baby standing in front of her for the first time since last Christmas. “What are you doing here?”

“Remember how I moved?” She started there.

“Yes?”

“Well, my new neighbour ended up being Spencer Reid, and he introduced me to the BAU and I helped them with a case, so they hired me, and now I work for them and we just finished a case in Winnemucca and me and Spencer are dating. He’s here too and we’re taking the weekend off to tell you and Diana,” she had never rambled so fast to her mother before in her life.

“Holy shit?” Her mother was shocked, “this all happened in the last 3 weeks? Is that why you’ve been too busy to text me?”

“I’ve been on 5 cases in the last 3 weeks, I was swamped,” she smiled, her eyes welling with tears.

Her mom walked over to her and wrapped her up in her arms, holding her close. “My baby, this is everything you wanted why are you crying?”

“I haven’t taken a moment to actually understand that this is all real,” she whispered.

Her mother pulled back, looking in her eyes with a stern look. “Is he good to you?”

She laughed, wiping the tears from her eyes. “He’s wonderful.”

“Diana is in the game room, let’s go see them,” she tucked her arm under Y/N’s and the two of them walked arm in arm towards the game room.

Diana stood up as she saw them walk in, “Debbie’s daughter?” She asked.

Spencer nodded with a large smile on his face. “This is Y/N Y/L/N, my partner.”

“I know you,” Diana said softly, reaching out to pull her into a hug. “You would read to me on Thursdays after Spencer left for CalTech.”

“Really?” Spencer asked.

“I knew you were here as often as you could be, and I felt bad she didn’t have any other children to come see her,” Y/N explained. “I know if my mom was here and my brother couldn’t visit I’d fill in.”

“It was lovely, I still have the book you gave me before you left for the academy,” Diana’s smile was as big and bright as Spencer’s.

They all sat together, sharing stories with each other. It seemed like their mothers enjoyed sharing embarrassing kid stories to make Spencer and Y/N blush back and forth.

Before they knew it, it was 3 pm and visiting hours were coming to an end and Debbie’s shift was about to end as well. “Where are you both staying?” She asked.

“At a hotel downtown,” Y/N explained.

“Nonsense, stay with me and your father!” Debbie insisted.

Y/N shook her head, “we can come to visit for dinner tomorrow, but we need some space.”

“You know how it feels to be in love especially this young Deb, I’m sure you understand,” Diana patted her on the shoulder.

“Go on, have fun. But tomorrow dinner starts at 6:15, Levi and Lizzie also home this weekend,” Debbie smiled, hugging both Spencer and Y/N before Diana.

“Would Diana be able to come to dinner at our place?” Y/N asked.

“I think I can pull some strings,” Debbie agreed, “have a good night tonight guys.”

“We will,” Spencer smiled, taking Y/N’s hand and walking with her to the parking lot.

They both sighed as they sat in their rental car. “That went well,” Y/N said softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you visited my mom?” Spencer asked, holding her hand again.

“I was going to, there’s so much I want to tell you but we haven’t had enough personal time to get through it all, every time we talk lately it’s about murder,” she replied.

“Let's go get a table at a nice restaurant and tell each other everything.”

“I have something to do first, can I drop you off at the hotel and meet you there?” She asked.

“absolutely.”

-—

She drove to her parent's place as fast as she could, they were all just sitting down in the living room when she walked in the door. “Hi sorry I can’t stay I just want to grab a dress from my closet.”

She kicked her shoes off and ran up the stairs to her bedroom just like she would have after school. Her room hadn’t changed much. Her desk was still in the corner, her bed was made, and her mom now used it for storage. There were boxes, lamps, pillows and a million folded blankets all resting on her bed and scattered along the floor.

She shuffled some things out of the way of her closet door and quickly looked through all the bagged dresses she had left here. Minoring in political science and volunteering with government organizations in college meant she had a dress for every occasion, times the 4 years she was there.

“Cocktail, dinner, black tie, prom, homecoming,” she flicked through them all, “funeral,” she said as she stopped. “Why is this here?”

She pulled out a black dress she wore to a democratic representatives fundraiser, it was an off-the-shoulder, 3/4 length sleeve, plunging neckline, skin-tight dress with a slit to show some leg. It was perfect.

She placed it on the edge of her bed and dug out the black heels that she originally bought to go with the dress. She found a strapless bra in her dresser, and a cute pair of underwear buried at the back of her drawer.

She closed her door and quickly changed, walking across the hall in her heels to fluff her hair in the mirror and figure out how the fuck she was going to do her makeup here.

Just then her brother's wife came walking up the stairs, “Y/N?” She knocked on the bathroom door before coming in.

“Hey Lizzie,” she smiled. “Do I look okay?” She asked.

Lizzie looked her up and down with a shocked look on her face, “yeah what’s the occasion? I didn’t even know you were home?”

“It’s a long story, my boyfriend and I were here on a case and we’re staying for the weekend, you get to meet him tomorrow!” She filled her in as she searched the bathroom drawers for makeup.

“What do you need?” She asked.

“Do you have your makeup kit here? We’re like the same shade right?”

Before she knew it, Lizzie was making her sit on the edge of the tub while she did Y/N’s makeup for her. “Remember when you did my prom makeup?” Lizzie asked.

“Yeah,” she smiled. “You and Levi looked so good together that night.”

“Not as good as you look right now, he’s going to eat you alive,” she hyped Y/N up.

“You think so?” Y/N asked, standing up to take a look in the mirror.

“Absolutely!!!”

She took a deep breath and shook the nerves out, “okay I have to go,” she said running back to her room for her phones, wallet and badge.

“Go get him, SSA Y/L/N,” Lizzie smiled as she watched y/n steadily run down the stairs in heels, clicking on the hardwood as she ran.

“Wait!” Her dad yelled from the table, “don’t I get to see you before you leave?”

She ran into the table room, quickly hugging her father at the head of the table and kissing him on his bald head. “I’m late for my date, I love you, I’ll be home tomorrow,” she said running back towards the front door and to her car.

She was like a mad chicken running around with her head cut off. She took a breather in the car before starting the engine and making her way back downtown.

She left her car out front with the valet, saying she would be back in a minute. She dug her phone out of her wallet and called Spencer. “I’m in the lobby.”

“I’ll be right there.”

She waited by the elevator, she pulled her boobs up into her bra and wiggled the wire till they looked okay, then she straightened her dress out. She never felt this nervous when she wore this dress the last time, she’s never felt this nervous period, actually.

Spencer Reid did something to her that she couldn’t quite describe. But if she had to, she’d say he makes her feel alive.

The elevator dinged and Spencer walked out in one of his best suits. He was looking down at his button as he stepped out not seeing her at first.

She smiled at him, waiting for him to look up. When he did his eyes grew three times their normal size and his mouth dropped. He stopped right in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders and lightly running his hands down her arms. “You never cease to amaze me.”

“Could say the same thing about you Dr. Reid,” Y/N teased as she pulled on his tie.

She pulled him down by his tie and pressed her lips against his. Never before had either of them been a big fan of PDA, but this was an exception.

She pulled back from him and tucked his tie back into his jacket. Smoothing out his sleeves before taking a step back and handing him the keys. “Lead the way doctor.”

He extended his arm to which she wrapped her arm around. He walked her to the front of the lobby, watching as the bellhop held the door for them.

Their car was still there, waiting with the valet who opened the door when he saw her return. She sat on the passenger side, fixing the slit of her dress to not show too much just yet.

Spencer joined her, sitting in the driver's seat he started the car and drove off.

He reached his hand over to place it on her thigh, where it belonged. He gripped her leg and felt down to where her holster was. She saw his eyebrow raise as he looked down, moving the side of her dress to see her gun strapped to her leg.

“Gonna shoot me if I’m not on my best behaviour tonight, agent?” He laughed.

“Nevada is a concealed carry state, and I don’t trust anyone,” she said. “Plus I look like this tonight, do you know what the crime rate is in Los Vegas-? Don’t answer that, of course, you do,” she teased him.

“It’s pretty hot,” he complimented her.

“What? The gun or my attitude?”

“The fact that you don’t take shit from anyone, you’re a badass and I never have to worry about you.”

“What if I want you to worry?”

“I’m always going to worry, I just mean you’re not a damsel in distress. I can go into every situation knowing you’re smarter on your feet than anyone on the team, and as long as you’re there we’re coming out alive,” he explained better.

“That’s the best compliment,” she felt bashful all of a sudden. She put her hand on his and squeezed it. “I love you, Spencer,” she finally told him.

“I love you too,” he smiled.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t said it back yet.”

He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant they were going to, returning his focus fully to driving. He pulled into a parking spot and put the car in park.

“I knew you’d say it when you were ready, I’m in no rush to hear it,” he leaned over the centre console and kissed her on the lips.

He got out of the car and walked around to open her door, helping her out before extending an arm out for her once more.

He made a reservation while he was alone at the hotel, getting a table in the back away from everyone else. It was a round table with a booth stretching all the way around the table. The back of the chair tall enough to enclose them in their own little world for the time being.

They were at a cute little stake house, one where you got to pick the exact piece of meat you wanted and they did it however you asked. They ordered drinks and enough bread to make the waiter look at them differently.

“Tell me the most random fact about you,” Y/N asked as soon as the waiter left to tell the kitchen their order.

“When my mom’s schizophrenia started getting bad, she thought that the government used dryers to take our socks for DNA and clone us, so whenever one of my socks went missing she freaked out. After that, I started wearing mismatched socks all the time so that that way she would never notice which of the pairs were missing since I never wore them that way anyway.”

She smiled the whole time he talked, absolutely in love with him. He was her everything. “So that’s why I’ve got so many random socks around my house.”

“It’s worse at my apartment,” he smiled again. “Your turn.”

“The first time I ever rode a bike without training wheels was because I stole my neighbour's bike and took off with it down the road,” she laughed.

“Why?”

“I think my mom said I couldn’t take my own training wheels off yet, so I took matters into my own hands.”

“See?” He shook his head lightly. “Badass.”

“When was the last time you were in Vegas?” She asked.

“Earlier this year when we reopened the Riley Jenkins case,” he said softly.

“oh, my mom was telling me about that one! Your mom went off her meds to help remember if your dad was involved right?” Y/N recalled.

He nodded, “do you know what really happened?”

“I have the gist, Lou killed Gary in revenge for Riley.”

“That's not all of it,” he said lightly. “Gary was watching me, and my mom told Lou that the way he looked at me, he might have been the one who hurt Riley. And then she witnessed Lou kill Gary.”

“Holy shit Spence, I’m so sorry,” she said softly. “Did you know Gary was my neighbour?” ,

“No?”

“Yeah we were 4, my brother was 2 and my mom was pregnant again, and Gary kept taking photos of my brother through the fence. My dad threatened to kill him a few times and then we finally moved across town,” she explained.

“How is it that our lives were so intertwined, and yet it took 20 years for us to actually connect again?” He asked.

“The same thing happened to my parents.”

“What’s their story?” He asked.

She moved around the table to sit closer to him, taking his hand in hers. “My dad is 8 years older than my mom, they met when she was 17 and he was 26 and they became good friends like he was her older brother. They realized years later that my dad delivered newspapers to the town my mom lived in, and he saw her basically grow up playing in the yard. Then his best friend always invited him to his cabin and when he finally went, the lot across from them was my mom's family cabin. They were always so close but never knew each other till they were meant to. And now they’ve been happily married for 30 years.”

“There's an old Buddhist saying that, when you meet your soulmate, remember that the act to bring you together was 500 years in the making. So always appreciate and be kind to each other,” Spencer explained.

“It took 500 years of coincidences to bring us together,” she said softly. “Which kinda makes the 20 years of admiring you from afar not seem so long.”

“From here on out let’s make every moment count then,” Spencer suggested, “we’ve been barely dating for 3 weeks I’m not going to ask you to marry me right this instant, but I do intend to spend the rest of my life with you in whatever capacity I can. Because I think you’re it for me.”

She could bask in the feeling of her heart fluttering like this for the rest of her life, it was like butterflies but completely calm. True happiness at its finest.

“Let’s make a deal,” she said softly, “in 1 year we come back here, and if we feel the exact same way as we do right now, you can propose to me.”

He put his pinky out for her, she wrapped hers around his, before kissing each other's knuckles. “Promise.” Spencer and Y/N said at the same time.

—

Back in the hotel room, she didn’t even bat an eyelash before slamming Spencer against the door. She slid her thigh between both his legs and boxed him in.

She undid the single button of his suit jacket, shushing Spencer. She pushed it off his arms, knocking it to the floor. She loosened his tie, tossing it to the side, still around his neck, while she unbuttoned his shirt.

He was completely silent and still. She was in control.

She tossed his shirt to the ground next. Holding onto his tie as she pulled him down into a heated kiss.

“Take my dress off,” she breathed into his mouth, feeling his hands reach around her back for the zipper.

He pushed the sleeves down her arms, watching the dress gather at her ankles before she stepped out and kicked the fabric out of the way. She tugged him by his tie towards the bed.

“Strip,” she instructed him. “Not the tie.”

“Underwear too?” He asked as she dug through his suitcase.

“yes.”

She returned with 2 more ties. Looking at him, butt naked on the bed. She stepped out of her underwear and the uncomfortable strapless bra. She set her gun in the hotel safe with her badge and returned to the bed.

“Would you be willing to try something?” She asked.

“anything,” he said, overly eager.

“Would you tie my hands to the bedpost and blindfold me and just do whatever you want?”

“Hold on,” he got off the bed and opened his go-bag side pocket. “I have a blindfold for the plane.”

“So you want to?”

Actions speak louder than words, he would always say.

He dimmed the lights down, got on the bed and roughly picked her up laying her back against the pillows. He tied her left hand first, and then her right hand. He took a hair elastic off the bedside table and put her hair back as best he could before he rested the blindfold against her forehead.

He hovered over her. “Anything I want?” Spencer confirmed.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

“Ground rules?”

“Yellow for slow down, red for stop?” She shrugged.

“You really mean anything?”

“I trust you, Spencer Reid, make me feel good,” she smiled.

He kissed her on the nose before coving her eyes with the blindfold.

She had always wanted to try this, it was a kink she had always been determined to try. She took a deep breath and tried her best to listen to him as he moved to sit between her spread legs.

He ran his hands up her thighs, over her hips before following the curve to her waist. He gripped her waist tightly and leaned forward, pressing his mouth to her stomach, breathing her in as he kissed.

She wasn’t embarrassed about her tummy, for the first time in her life she loved her body. She felt him kiss all over her chest, dragging his bottom lip along her skin. He licked a stripe between her breasts, dropping his chin to her chest then to blow lightly over the wet trail.

She felt her nipples harden, she could physically hear the smirk that spread across his face.

He sucked one of her nipples into his mouth, cupping her breasts with his hands as he groped her lightly. She squirmed, trying her best to grind her hips against his.

He pushed her hips against the bed, “be patient.”

He disappeared then. She felt his weight shift and get off the bed. She let out a deep breath, knowing she told him he could do anything and that included punishing her. She literally asked for it.

“I picked something up after you dropped me off,” she heard him say from the other side of the room.

He walked around for a minute, taking something out of a hard plastic container. He struggled with ripping it, she heard papers fall the floor and something hard hit the floor. “Shit.”

She heard him walk towards the bathroom, she crossed her ankles and just waited.

He came back to the bed, moving her legs apart like they were when he left. “stay.”

He crawled between her legs once more, his hand brushed her thigh and it was cold and wet like he washed his hands.

“Can I touch you?” He asked softly. She nodded her head feverishly.

She heard a small buzzing, an all too failure sound. The first place she feels the vibration is in her belly button. Causing her to let out a shocked little giggle.

“Shhh,” he smiled.

He dragged the little bullet vibrator down her stomach, over her pelvis and finally, finally, against her clit. She let out a moan that sounded more like a sigh of relief.

All she wanted was for someone else to control her pleasure, surprise her, set the rhythm, the speed, everything. She spent so long pleasuring herself, she was so ready to sit back and just take it.

Spencer felt the same. He took his time, feeling every inch of her skin, kissing every single place he wanted to. He spent so much time just looking. Finding freckles and scars and kissing them. He was mesmerized by the fact she was real, that a beautiful woman would lay down in front of him, spread open like this and just let him explore. It felt like the best wet dream his brain could ever conjure.

She could feel him getting closer to her. His weight shifted and she felt his breath on her leg. She took a deep breath, sucking in her stomach in the anticipation of feeling a tongue on her for the first time ever.

He turned off the vibrator. Setting it to the side as he looped his arms around her thighs. Just admiring the view. Just then her whole body shivered as she anticipated the heat of his tongue.

He pressed a kiss to her clit first before flattening his tongue against her. “Sweet fucking Jesus Christ,” she gasped.

“I’ve never done this before,” he breathed against her.

“Explore away, sir,” she whispered.

He clearly did research, if he didn’t just say this was his first time eating someone out, she would think he was an expert. She regretted having her hands tied up at that moment. She squirmed, he held her hips down. She gripped the ties around her wrists wishing it was Spencer's hair.

She was never big into overstimulation or denial, never having the willpower to keep going after making herself cum once. Spencer, however, had the ability to bring her to the edge again and again without ever letting her spillover.

She didn’t beg, she didn’t complain, she sat there in the blissful feeling and waited. It was heavenly.

“Spence,” her breathing was heavy.

He hummed, letting her know he was listening. His tongue still wiggling back and forth on her clit.

“Can you please just fuck me now?”

He kissed his way back to her mouth. All up her stomach, over her breasts, her neck and jaw. She could taste herself on his lips, “untie me?” She asked softly.

He let one hand free, which she immediately used to grip his hair. The second hand was freed and she pushed the blindfold up and worked her way into a sitting position while he kneeled in front of her.

“Anything else you want to try?” She asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and looking into his eyes once again. She pushed his hair out of his face and just looked at him.

“Lie back and roll over,” he instructed.

He pulled her into a face-down, ass-up position and aligned himself with her. Pushing in little by little till he bottomed out. He reached around the bed for the vibrator and placed it in her one hand.

“You decide when you cum,” was all he said before he started fucking her.

She white-knuckled the pillow as he rammed into her, she was arched in the most perfect way for him to hit her g spot every time he rammed into her.

“My hair,” she gasped, wanting him to grab her by her ponytail as he fucked her.

With one hand on her hip to steady her and the other in her hair, he fucked into her like his life depended on it. Her legs were quaking, she felt like she was going to explode if she didn’t cum soon.

She flicked on the vibrator and pressed it against her own clit, feeling the familiar heat bubble in her stomach. “Fuck me, oh god,” she chanted.

Cuming with a shout, she dug her face into the pillow and all but screamed. Pushing back against Spencer as he bucked into her one last time and erupted inside of her.

His hips shook as he emptied his load before slowly pulling out and dropping down beside her.

She turned her head to look at him, eyeliner and mascara all smudged around her eyes, makeup all over the pillow. She was trying her hardest to catch her breath, staring at him with a smile on her face.

“If sex was an Olympic sport, I think we’d win,” she complimented him.

“you think?” He asked, his breath just as shaky as hers.

She rolled onto her back, letting him cuddle into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him. “Everyone told me that the first time I have sex it’ll be underwhelming and uneventful, and yet every time we fuck I feel like I’ve run a marathon and I should invest in a wheelchair.”

He laughed, “would you put that in writing and send it to everyone from our high school?”

She smacked his arm. “and then I’d have to swat women off you with a bat if I wanted any alone time, you’re mine now.” She wrapped her whole body around him and held him there.

“I love you,” Spencer smiled.

“I love you, more.”

chapter 5

They packed everything into their car just to go to her parents house. There was something in Y/N’s gut that told her there was a case coming.

Her parents lived 30 minutes out of the city, on the edge of a cul-de-sac that faced a park. They had lived there since she was 5, it was her mom’s dream home. It was the only place in the town she had good memories in.

Y/N’s mother brought Diana home with her after work. They were waiting in the kitchen for Spencer and Y/N when they arrived. Tonights guests included not just them but Y/N’s youngest brother Levi, his wife Lizzie and their 2 year-old Chloe.

“There’s my girl!” Her dad cheered, standing up and rushing to give her a real hug. “Did you get taller?”

“it’s the boots,” she laughed, holding onto him tightly.

“You look great! The FBI is treating you well,” her dad was always one to compliment her. He pulled back and looked at Spencer. More like glared at him.

“Nice to meet you Sir, I’m Doctor Spencer Reid,” he said, shockingly extending his hand to shake her father's.

The profiler in her knew he was breaking his comfort zone to appease her baby boomer, ex-cop, father.

Her dad always did this thing when he met new men where he squeezed their hands to see how much they could take. “Harrison Y/L/N Sr.” She watched Spencers hand shake as he squeezed right back.

“Strong shake.” Her father complimented him. “She must have warned you.”

“No, he just knows how to read people,” Y/N laughed.

“Well come sit down Doctor Spencer Reid,” he teased him. “Let me interrogate the profiler.”

“Here we go,” Y/N laughed, placing a hand on Spencer's back as she led him into the kitchen.

They sat down together, Spencers mom, Diana, just across from him at the table. They smiled and nodded at each other in a quiet little hello.

“I would ask you to tell me a bit about yourself, but Y/N has kept me all caught up with you over the years,” her dad said. “You went to CalTech at 13, somewhere in there you got a degree from MIT, she idolized you.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she blushed.

“It’s very flattering, but if anything I’m now huge fan of her’s. In the last 3 weeks she has been the one to find the major break in 3 of our cases. She is amazing at what she does, you raised an incredible woman,” Spencer replied, praising her in a way that made her heart flutter.

“Go on then, tell us about these cases then,” her dad asked.

And with that they got lost in all things horrific. Spencer explained, verbatim, how each case went down and exactly what Y/N came up with to solve them. She answered little questions here and there but mostly it was Spencer showing off how much he loved his girlfriend.

Her mom passed out dinner plates in the middle of the talk, some how all of them were able to discuss cases and eat at the same time. Her mom made burgers and potato salad for dinner, just something simple for them all.

“Did you really offer to fuck a serial killer?” Her brother asked, disgusted.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I knew in his sick twisted mind he wouldn’t be able to refuse a woman willing to let him do what he wanted and as soon as the weapon was down, so was he.”

“I always told you she’d be able to kick your ass, Levi,” her dad said. “Ever since she was a kid I knew she had it in her to wrestle someone to the ground.”

“Yeah, Spence didn’t believe me that I’m combat trained.”

“No,” Spencer interjected, “It’s not that I didn’t believe you, I just didn’t ever think you’d be able to take me down.”

“And did you?” Her mom asked.

Her face turned bright red. “Yeah, I showed one of my combat maneuvers on him, we were all horsing around and I showed them how to go from being pinned to the ground to being the one on top.”

“How?” Her brother’s wife asked.

“Yeah demonstrate!” Her mom innocently cheered them on not knowing she was mid sex with him when she showed him how to do it.

“Um okay, Lizzie come with me,” she said, saving Spencer the awkwardness of having to straddle her in the middle of her family home.

She laid down on the floor, “you basically have to just pin me down how ever you see fit.”

Lizzie, sat on her, holding her shoulders down with one forearm. Y/N, quickly flipped her onto her back, making sure to catch her head as she did so. Not wanting her to smack it off the hardwood floor.

“Like that,” Y/N stood up and helped Lizzie to her feet. “Made sure all the girls knew how to do that.” She lied.

“As you should!” Her dad cheered, “nice to know your team all has each others backs.”

“How do they all feel about you two?” Diana asked. She had been mostly quiet all night, just enjoying time outside of where she was used to.

“They love it, they’ve been placing bets about us,” Y/N laughed.

“Like what?” Her dad asked.

“If he would kiss me first, if we’d tell the team ever, they even had one about who is most likely to say I love you first, they’re insufferable,” Y/N ranted.

“So what team one?” Her brother teased, just trying the embarrass her.

“He kissed me first, he told the team that we were together after like 10 hours and he was the first to say I love you,” Y/N blushed.

“Does she still have the I love you problem?” Her mom asked innocently but received a death glare from Y/N.

“Uh no, she says it to me too.” Spencer noticed the awkwardness.

“Any plans for baby number two?” Y/N asked Levi, changing the subject faster than ever.

She’d be lying if she said she was listening to the answer, her ears were ringing and all she cold focus on was Spencer’s hand on her back. Her mom was about to pass out cake when she excused herself to the bathroom, and ended up in her old bedroom.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, hearing the words her mother said over and over in her mind. “Does she still have the I love you problem?”

She rubbed her hands over her eyes and just breathed. She didn’t want him to know about that yet.

Spencer knocked on her door, opening it softly and peaking his head in. “Do you want company?”

She nodded.

He kneeled down on the floor in front of her, running his hands along her thighs. “Are you okay?”

“I told you about Christopher?” She said softly.

“yes.”

“In order to get me to do what he did, he would always say I had to because he loved me,” she explained. A tear dripped down her cheek and landed on his hand. “And so for 7 years after I never told anyone I knew that I loved them.”

“That’s okay, you went through trauma. You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he soothed her.

“I want to though because, before you, I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand love, I thought it was weird and forceful and something dependent on coercion,” her voice was so tiny, she didn’t want anyone else hearing her. “Loving you is light and fluffy and special and safe, I didn’t want you to think just now that I said it this weekend to get it over with or something because I truly do love you.

He pulled her into a kiss, “I love you, more.”

She laughed, “we’ll see about that.”

—

Y/N and Diana were doing the dishes as her mom packed the leftover food into Tupperware containers. Debbie was just about to ask who wanted coffee when Y/N’s phone started to ring.

She sighed, drying her hands on a dishtowel before answering the phone. “SSA Y/N Y/L/N.”

“There’s been an explosion at a mall in Los Angeles and reports of 4 more planned, how fast can you and Reid get to LA?” Hotch asked.

“Um, we’re about 45 minutes from the airport.”

“We’re 4 hours out, we want you and Reid there ASAP. Is there any way we could send a helicopter to get you?”

“Yes, there’s a soccer field across the street from my parent's house, Garcia knows the address she can direct them where to go, we’ll be ready.”

“Debrief has already been sent to your phones, I need you and Reid to go to the LA field office and start communication with Garcia on victimology.”

“Got it.” She said as she hung up. “Spence we have to go!”

“What’s wrong?” Diana asked.

“We have an emergency in LA, they need us there immediately. There’s a helicopter coming to get us,” Y/N explained as she walked around the room towards her go-bag.

She unzipped it, unfolding her bullet-proof vest and putting it on. She adjusted her gun and made sure she had everything she needed. Spencer did the same at the table beside her.

“You are a badass,” her dad complimented her, filming her getting her gear on. “This is my daughter! FBI superhero! Kickass tonight kid!” He had an affinity for embarrassing her, but an even bigger obsession with showing her off.

He was like that with all of his children, first with her brother Harrison in the army, then with her other brother Levi and his swat training. Now his daughter was catching serial killers like it was nothing.

“Okay, we gotta go, the helicopter will be landing in that field in 3 minutes. Dad are you okay to take the car back to the dealership if this takes a while? We will be back for our suitcases after the case, I love you guys.” She said. handing her father the car keys and moving to put her shoes on.

“Got everything?” Spencer asked.

“Yep,” she smiled.

They walked out the door and across the street. Most of the neighbourhood watched a helicopter land in the soccer field as the sun was setting. They ducked as they ran getting in the chopper and strapping in.

“Agent Valdez, Nevada PD!” the officer in the pilot seat introduced herself. “We have just over an hour till we land, use the headsets to communicate with me if you need to!”

And they were off. She looked down to see her family waving up at them from their houses as the neighbours she grew up around took photos and videos of them leaving.

“What’s going on?” Spencer asked.

Y/N took out her phone and read over the debrief, “tonight at The Grove in Los Angeles, a small bomb went off killing 6 people and injuring 31.”

“Where did it go off?” Reid asked.

“Inside a small dress store that has been renting the space for the last 7 years,” Y/N confirmed. “I’m sure Garcia is looking into everyone who was injured or killed as well as the current and former employees.”

“It says here that the person who called 911 before the bomb went off warned of 3 bombs to come. Saying; ‘4 bombs in total the first in clear, the next is where her checks would clear.’” Reid read from the phone.

“So we need to find a connection between the dress store and a bank in the area,” Y/N said. “We need to go over that call more, have Garcia look into every aspect of the sound.”

“Where did Hotch say he wants us?” Reid asked.

“At the LA field office, he wants us working behind the scenes in correspondence with Garcia.”

Spencer sighed, “well, our weekend was fun while it lasted.

9:42pm PST

By the time the rest of the team landed and Hotch and JJ arrived at the field office, another 2 bombs had gone off at a Liberty Bank downtown LA.

“Garcia, do we have any connection from the dress shop to the bank yet?” Hotch asked.

“Nothing Sir, I have dug and dug and there isn’t a single person with a connection to both the bank and the dress shop within the last few months, I'm widening back 2-5 years but still nothing,” Garcia panicked over the phone.

“Is there any possibility our unsub is female? This to me feels like a scorned lover, maybe her husband is paying someone under the table who is cashing checks at that exact ATM that exploded and then went and bought a dress,” Y/N suggests.

“Garcia run with that as far as you can and call us back,” Hotch ordered.

“On it!” She cheered before hanging up.

Spencer looked around at all the info he and Y/N brainstormed while waiting for the team. “a female unsub would make the most sense.”

“Did we get any more clues for where the next bomb will be?” JJ asked.

Agent Cunningham from the LA field office shook his head, “nothing at the scene or over 911, we’re on the lookout for any suspicious calls and tips currently.”

“If you were cheating on your wife, after going to the bank and the dress shop where does she go with you next?” Y/N asked Hotch.

“Uh,” he shook his head, clearly faithful to his wife. “Dinner and a hotel?”

“So those are possibly the next two targets,” Y/N said, “but finding out what restaurant and hotel in the entirety of LA is like finding a needle in a needle stack.”

“I hate to say it,” JJ sighed, “but we might need one more explosion before we get a breakthrough.”

“All we can do is hope for minimal damage,” Y/N shot a soft smile over to her, “till then, what kind of woman in the area could make the type of bombs that are being used?”

“Almost anyone,” Morgan said as he walked into the room. “I was just looking at the debris and shrapnel, it’s a fairly simple bomb that anyone with basic knowledge or internet access could make.”

Hotch called Garcia once more. “Can you start a search for women 35-55 who are married, ask the NSA if we can search through any women in the LA area googling how to make bombs in the last month.”

“Of course, I’ve also been looking at the past transactions of the specific ATMs that were targeted, 13 of the people depositing cash and cheques there, recently bought dresses from the store at The Grove.”

“Any of them look like they are partaking in an affair?” Y/N asked.

“2 of them are lesbian women, 3 are drag queens and the other 8 are girls in high school depositing birthday money,” Garcia explained.

“Well thanks for looking, hopefully, the NSA has some hits for us,” Hotch said as he hung up. “I guess we wait.”

11:56pm

“We’ve got reports of an explosion in an all-female dorm at UCLA,” one of the LA agents said as he burst through the door.

“Morgan, Prentiss, Rossi,” Hotch said, “go to the scene and find out everything.”

Y/N called Garcia, “as soon as we know what room the explosion was in I need you to go back 10 years of women who lived in that dorm room and their connections to older men. Sugar daddies, teachers, anyone.”

“The 911 call shortly after the bomb say it was heard on the first floor, possibly room 119 as that's where the blast was heard. Luckily the girl who was supposed to be in that room was with her friend down the hall so we currently have no casualties here,” Garcia explained.

“Thank god,” JJ exclaimed, placing her hand over her eyes.

“In the last 10 years, 6 different women have all had that room,” Garcia said as she narrowed down her search. “Okay, here we go this is the juicy stuff!”

“What is it?” Hotch asked.

“From 2000 to 2002 Maggie Burton was working on a science degree at UCLA. She was working part-time, both years, as the main Chemistry professor's teaching assistant, she was depositing money from him bi-weekly to Liberty Bank.”

“Okay, who was the professor?” Spencer asked.

“Michael Thompson, 56, but that would be too simple now wouldn’t it?” Penelope teased. “Thompson is gay and has been in a domestic partnership since 1998, his Partner Adam Pearson, however, is bisexual according to the sugar daddy website he’s on,” she explained further. “Whether Maggie knows it or not, she had been getting paid to be Thompson's TA, as well as his boyfriend sugar baby.”

“So our unsub is Michael Thompson?” Hotch confirmed.

“By the looks of it, yes. Maggie stopped being a TA when she graduated and now she works with a cosmetics developer downtown. Every week she deposits 500 cash to the ATM, which is the exact amount of cash Adam has been withdrawing for the last 7 years,” she kept explaining, they could hear her keyboard clicking as she kept digging. “Look’s like Adam is filing to remove the domestic partnership and he bought a ring last week.”

“There’s the trigger,” Spencer confirmed. “Do we have a home and work address as well as where the next bomb would be?”

“Adam checked into a Hilton hotel downtown, suite 613 which he has been booking once a month for the last 7 years,” Garcia confirmed. “Sending the locations now.”

“I need a bomb squad sent to the Hilton hotel, evacuations should be done floor by floor saving floor 6 for last, I need agents on floor 6 to evacuate all rooms, except for 613, quietly without making a scene.”

“Sir, suit 612 was booked only for tonight by Michael Thompson, using cash,” Garcia cut him off.

“All rooms but 612 and 613 are to be evacuated, I need a direct line on the scene to room 612 when we arrive,” Hotch ordered as they all hurried towards the elevator.

—

On the scene, Reid, Y/L/N and JJ were sent up with the bomb squad to floor 6. Red lights in the stairwell were flashing to alert that there was an evacuation taking place, but the building was silent.

There were 14 rooms on floor 6, 4 of them being rented that night. Rooms 601 and 608 were the only two they had to focus on to evacuate.

JJ quietly knocked on room 601, “Hi sir,” she whispered. “My name is Jennifer, I’m with the FBI. We need to quietly evacuate this floor, if you wouldn’t mind grabbing your necessities and any other guests in the room, an officer will escort you down the stairs. In the parking lot across the street, there are people issuing refunds and information about relocations for the night.”

The man nodded, he quickly grabbed his things and followed an officer down the hall.

Y/N knocked on 608 next, a young woman answered. “Hi, my name is Y/N, I’m with the FBI. We need to quietly evacuate this floor-“

“I have 2 kids with me,” she whispered.

“Okay, are they awake?” JJ asked.

“My daughter, she’s 2, she’s out cold. My son is watching TV, oh my god my husband isn’t here,” she quietly panicked.

“Ma’am it’s fine, we have officers here to assist you down the stairs and across the street, there are relocation preparations being made. If you don’t mind, I can help you carry your daughter down the stairs?” Spencer said softly.

“Yes, absolutely.” She said, running into the room to gather all her things.

Spencer lifted the little girl up softly, not waking her at all in the process. He held her against his chest softly while the mother grabbed their necessities and her 6-year-old son before followed Spencer down the stairs.

JJ and Y/N stood in the stairwell, Y/N picked up her radio and called down to Hotch. “All civilians on the 6th floor have been evacuated.”

“Any movement in 612?”

“Yes sir,” one of the bomb squad members said. “With our tech, we can see 2 bodies in 613 and 1 in 612, all alive.”

“Any idea how many bombs were talking about?” Hotch asked.

“Not yet, we need a clear look inside the room. Snipers on the building across the street say the blinds are closed,” he explained.

“Hotch, have you gotten in contact with him at all?” JJ asked.

“No, he won't pick up,” hotch confirmed.

“Would you like one of us to knock?” Y/N asked.

“Not yet, I want you both to come down. If we’re knocking on his door we need to have a full plan in place,” Hotch ordered.

“Over,” Y/N said. Following JJ back down the 6 flights of stairs.

Down at the base of operations, Spencer was still holding onto the 2-year-old as the mother called her husband. He shushed her and held her close with a blanket over her back as she slept.

“Hotch,” JJ got his attention. “I noticed each room has vents on the connected walls, is there any way to get into 611 and snake in a camera to see what we’re dealing with?”

“That was my next suggestion,” a SWAT office said as he shook her hand. “We’re prepping the equipment now.”

“Can we also spray a sleeping agent through the vents? If we knock out the unsub we can just drag him out and see what’s going on?” Y/N suggested.

“Yeah that would work,” the SWAT officer said, “we have a sleeping agent in a compressed gas form that we can spray through the vents.”

“Okay, just in 612,” Hotch confirmed. Y/N I want you and Morgan up there to assist in making sure Maggie and Adam are evacuated safely while the bomb squad looks at what we have going on.”

“On it,” she and Morgan said at the same time.

One of the SWAT officers pulled them aside, handing them protective gear for the gas that will erupt into the hallway. She waved to Spencer in the lot as she headed across the street with the SWAT team. They ran up the stairs, it was exhausting but Y/N pushed through, up the six flights. They quietly unlocked room 611 and filled the room with officers.

First, they snaked a small camera through the vent, the image showing on the screen right away, “you seeing this Hotch?” Morgan asked over the radio.

“Crystal.”

“It’s a wall of C4,” one of the Bomb Squad officers quietly confirmed. “Fairly simple to dismantle, it looks like it’s a manual switch. Wait till he crosses the room, and then spray the gas. We need officers to be in the room as it’s sprayed. He needs to hit the floor nowhere close to the detonator.”

Morgan quietly opened the door and assembled the team in the hall, making movements with his hands as he instructed the men. The door kicker was in place, the officers were ready to file in.

The swat agent deployed the gas, they watched on the monitor as the unsub turned to look at the hissing sound, inspecting it before hitting the ground.

“NOW!” Morgan yelled. The door was knocked in and the unsub was in handcuffs.

Y/N ran to 613, knocking on the door as hard as she could. “FBI OPEN UP!” She yelled.

A half-naked man opened the door, “what?” He yelled.

“We need to evacuate the building right now, cover-up and follow me.” She ordered as the two victims covered themselves and followed her down the stairs.

Halfway down, she got a call over the radio. “Bomb has been defused, all clear on floor 6.”

“Bomb?” The man questioned.

“Yes sir,” Y/N confirmed. “your partner, and your science teacher, Michael Thompson, has been bombing places around the city that you two have been to, and was planning to blow you up tonight.”

“What the fuck?” Maggie asked.

“He’s under arrest, you’ll have your chance to ask him questions in court,” Y/N confirmed as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

She held the door for them and watched as they were whisked away by EMTs. She waited for another set for the unsub before turning around and running all the way back up the 6 flights to Morgan.

Morgan was standing over the cuffed, unconscious, unsub in the hallway. “Good job pretty girl!” Morgan high-fived her.

“Thanks,” she smiled, “let's get this bastard down into the ambulance. The elevators should go back up in a minute.”

“What? No more stairs?” Morgan teased.

“I might not be able to feel my legs tomorrow, I’ve been up and down those too many times tonight!” She smacked him.

“Sure that’s why,” he laughed as they waited for the elevator.

—

Spencer and Y/N packed up that night and took a short trip back to Los Vegas. By the time they arrived back on her parent's doorstep it was 5:32 am. 12 hours since they were last there.

She sighed at the front door and called her parent's home phone. “Hello?” Her father's sleep-ridden voice answered.

“Hey dad, it’s Y/N can you come open the front door for me? Please.” She asked nicely.

“Yep.” He hung up.

She watched the hall light come on from the front door. Waiting for him to slowly make his way down the stairs to the front hallway. He unlocked the door and welcomed them in.

“Your mom cleaned off your bed in case this happened,” he whispered, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?”

“5:30, go back up to bed, we’ll lock back up, thank you,” she hugged him and sent him on his way.

She sighed and sunk down to sit on the bottom step. She tugged her boots off and left them in the hallway. Spencer picked them up and moved them to be in order with the rest of the shoes. He locked her parent's front door and turned off the entryway light.

“You need water or anything before bed?” Y/N asked.

“No, come on,” he took her hand and walked with up the stairs to her bedroom.

She closed the door behind him, peeling out of her clothes and climbing into bed first. She got under the covers and moved the pillows around to make sure they were how she liked them.

Spencer crawled in beside her, wearing just his socks and underwear. He laid flat on his back while she cuddled into his side. He kissed the top of her head and let out a deep breath as he settled into relaxation finally.

“I love you,” she reminded him.

“I love you, more.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #hypothetically

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saveourskinship · 3 years

Text

The Beginning, Middle and End

“Do you remember what school taught us? What Hogwarts taught us?” she asked.

Beneath his Department of Mysteries mask, Draco looked Granger over. She’d certainly changed in the five years since he’d last seen her, their Eighth Year at Hogwarts as it was known.

Her hair floated about her head like it was underwater, defying gravity in a beauteous display of constant magicked manipulation. It crackled with lightning and small plumes of flame, snow motes drifting to land on her shoulder despite the heat of the desert they had met on.

Power and magic flowed out of her in a visible aura, she hovered above the ground and her eyes burned. Whorled even. Like she held galaxies inside her.

It was certainly fascinating. Usually when Draco was sent to dispatch an Elementari, they were a witch or wizard that had fallen deep into a singular element, lost their sanity and their soul to one of the forces of the earth, tipping a balance that needed righting.

Draco wasn’t sure that was the case with Granger.

He wasn’t sure if she was the same person that had attended Hogwarts with him though. He needed to be careful.

Granger certainly wasn’t what he had expected when there had been such a huge level spike a week or so ago. That usually indicated another magical entity’s experimental magic with the natural forces had backfired.

Granger was lucid, though. The elements balanced within her. She wasn’t hiding her magic anymore like she must have been to go undetected. No. Not hiding, restraining.

As his eyes flashed with the realisation, her smile curled higher.

“Exactly,” she told him. He hadn’t said a thing but she told him anyway. She’d seen it. “Restraint. They teach us the accepted prescribed magics and restraint.”

“They don’t even have a World Magicks class,” she tutted as if admonishing an unruly child. “And it’s all so very Western European, they don’t have any of the nature-based magics of the Celts or Picts or older Britannic clans. There’s not even any singing, Euro-centric magic is an anomaly in that regard. Most other cultures harmonise their voices to the wavelengths of the Earth, it makes their magic stronger, more reliable and-”

She stopped, and blushed a little. She’d gotten carried away.

“But you don’t care about any of this, do you, Malfoy. You’re here to eliminate me and move on, correct?”

Draco removed his mask, vanishing it away. “Only the Head of the Department and my immediate superior know I’m an Unspeakable, Granger,” he cautiously eyed her. “How is it you know?”

She flourished a hand, “It’s easy, really. A fundamental tenet of Indian, Chinese and other Asiatic schools of thought. Everyone has a magical signature, a unique... flavour if you will. I’ve noticed the same one over and over again at the scenes following the destruction of other Elementari. I knew it was you, I recognised it almost immediately.”

“And why were you visiting other Elementari?” Draco queried, pocketing his curiosity about these other magics for now. He could research it all later.

Granger looked saddened, “I could feel the disturbances, too. I don’t have the same resources as the Department of Mysteries though, I have to follow the tremors in the elements. I’m usually too late.”

“Usually?”

“Yes, usually. I’ve found two that weren’t too far gone. The physical body destroyed of course, but the elemental spark was alive enough to gift it back to the universe.”

Draco knitted his brows together. He had no idea what she was talking about.

But he was intrigued. It felt foreign, unfamiliar. No, wait. It wasn’t intrigue. It was fascination. The Elementari he had come across were all extremely dangerous, their magic flying out in all directions and a danger to society and nature. None of them had been like Granger.

“You aren’t like the other Elementari,” he stated and she nodded.

“No, unfortunately, hubris gets in the way of most who pursue the elemental forces. They focus on one and try to master it, to wield it like they control the force and not the other way around,” she explained, floating to circle around him.

“But not you?” Draco scoffed.

“You laugh, but yes,” she fixed him with those worlds she called eyes again. “I partner with the forces, I hold no dominion over them. And I utilise them equally, the mistake the other Elementari make is only using one but not balancing the element’s opposite.”

“But if you use all four at once, then you avoid that,” Draco surmised.

“Precisely!” Granger clapped her hands together in excitement.

Her enthusiasm was infectious and Draco had to fight a grin. However, something didn’t make sense.

“Why reveal yourself now? You’ve obviously been able to do this for a while, your control is remarkably impressive. Which means we should have been aware of you much earlier... So, why now?”

She looked away briefly but forced herself to meet his gaze again.

“It isn’t my control that’s impressive,” she said, the words cryptic and soft.

He narrowed his eyes and looked at her with a more discerning gaze. Then he saw it. She was right. From the looks of it, she wasn’t in control. She was chaos, only exerting small amounts of her own magic to centre the elements where needed.

So different from his own. So opposite. A balance.

“There’s still more magic out there, you know,” Granger told him, tilting her head. “Magics that don’t suit my own, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in them.”

“So what? You want me to give up my life and travel to gods know where just to satisfy your wanderlust?” Draco crossed his arms. He sounded dismissive, but in reality, it sounded appealing.

“Such control, you really are just full of it, aren’t you?” Granger laughed a little. “Your probation ended a month ago, didn’t it? Wouldn’t you like to do something not controlled by the Ministry?”

Well... when she put it like that.

He looked over the way she projected magic, “Won’t you be a little conspicuous?”

She lowered herself to the ground and enacted a full body glamour.

“Whatever do you mean?” she blinked at him, innocently.

They stared at each other.

Her sparkling brown eyes, her amused smile, the coils of her hair...

She made a small movement towards him and he used the indication to pull her in and bury his face in her curls.

Her arms wrapped around him and squeezed.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” he told her. “When you disappeared and not even Potter had heard from you... I thought you’d done like we’d always said. Started fresh, new, away from the past and expectations and reputations. Though, as always, you’ve surprised me with how you went about it.”

“I didn’t want to tempt you until we could be sure you would be safe,” she said, the words muffled against his chest. She tilted her face up, “Is that a yes?”

“I’ve never said no yet, have I?” the fight to hide his smile well and truly over now.

She returned it, “Not to me,” she said.

“No, not to you,” he replied.

She stepped away a little and held out her hand.

“Well, then?”

He took it. Her hand, the adventure, the promise of a life with her.

It was elementary, really.

#dramione #draco x hermione #harry potter fanfiction #ficlet

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wish-that-i-was-buckys-girl · 3 years

Note

For dayton can you write being childhood best friends with him and you've always been there at his races and one day your running late so you don't get to see him before for his pep talk. And his race goes horribly and eventually when he sees you he gets angry and you get in to a argument. But eventually he makes it up to you.

A/N: Alright, here’s my first go at writing for Dayton White! I watched Logan Lucky and absolutely adored it. Dayton does not get the love he deserves! I decided Im going to make this at least a two parter, potentially spanning into one or two more. I really want to dive into the past with these two! This will focus more on their relationship growing up, while the second (and potentially third) part will contain more of the angst. Once again if I don’t write for a Seb character you like, just ask and I’ll try and gain access to it! I hope you guys enjoy. I also really hate to do this, but I recently quit my job due to a toxic work environment. Here is my ko-fi, if you can donate that would be cool, but if you can’t no pressure!!! Love you all ❤️

https://ko-fi.com/kyleey01

Pairings: Dayton White x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, no proofreading (I’ll get to it)

Word Count: 2.5k

You’re Always There Part 1

Your earliest memory of Dayton was meeting him at Memorial Park in your hometown. You were both 5 years old, new to the world outside of your home. It was the day before Kindergarten, and both of your parents wanted you to make new friends before the first day of school. Hopefully meeting someone in your class, they felt you wouldn’t be as scared being truly away from them for the first time. You only had a single mom, and she did everything for you that she could, even taking you to the park after her long day at work. Dayton had both parents, making it easier for him to let go and meet new people. His home was “complete” by societal standards.

“Mommy I don’t wanna go play on the slide. I wanna go home and play dinosaurs with you” you said looking up at your mother.

She kneeled down to look you in the eye, holding her shining gaze with yours looking both serious and concerned, “Honey, you know you go to school tomorrow. This is your chance to go meet someone new, maybe even have a friend when you go into school tomorrow.”

You were extremely hesitant. You loved your momma, and she loved you more than anything. You had friends on your street that you liked to play with, but your mom was never far away, only a quick yell and she would be there. This was different. She had told you she wasn’t going to be there if you needed her, and that you would have to wait until school was over to see her again. You cried for two days straight after you had the “school” talk. What were you going to do without your mom? She was your superhero, your friend, and the best mother in the whole wide world. You didn’t need anyone else. That’s what you thought, at least. Until you met Dayton.

“Go on chickadee, go make some friends. You’re a big girl now who can build pyramids with blocks and cut out dinosaurs with scissors, you can do anything” your mother said with a smile.

This was all you needed to muster up the courage to conquer the slide. You nodded at your mom and ran off towards the wooden playground. They really should’ve made these things plastic, with splinters and bee stings being common afflictions of being on the playground, but it didn’t matter to you. It was fun all the same.

You began to climb the steps of the huge castle, making your way through drawbridges and holes through the wood to get to the slide. There were two other little girls there, a little older than you, maybe seven. You mustered up a quiet “hi” but they didn’t hear you, already screaming and running off in a different direction. Just when your hopes of making a friend had been dashed, you heard another voice from behind you.

“Hi. What’s your name?”

A boy of brunette hair and ocean blue eyes was staring at you expectantly. You weren’t expecting anyone to respond except those girls, so you were timid at first. You opened your mouth to speak several times but nothing came out. You started to become overwhelmed, tears welling up in your eyes.

The boy noticed, looking at you confused. He had only asked you your name. However, his momma always said if someone was crying, you fix it.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me your name. Do you need a hug?”

All you could do was nod, strangely opening up to this welcoming boy. He smiled and brought you in for a tiny hug. He wants gentle, kind of rough actually as he swayed you back and forth with energy. He pulled away, hoping you had felt better. You did.

“I’m Dayton” he said, smiling at you.

You smiled back, with tear stains still on your cheek.

“I’m Y/N”

“Y/N, it looks like you need another hug” Dayton gave you another hug, holding you until he stopped hearing the faint sniffle that escaped your body every so often.

You pulled away, nodding to indicate you were alright now.

“You wanna go down the slide? My mommy is probably wondering where I am” Dayton asked innocently.

You nodded, relief washing over you that someone wanted to be your friend

“That sounds awesome.”

_______________________________________________

From that day forward, you and Dayton were attached at the hip. Elementary school had been a breeze. Thankfully, Dayton was in your class your first year. Although it didn’t stay that way, you would always find time to meet and play during recess. Recess time turned into meeting after school, and meeting after school extended into high school.

Dayton began racing during freshman year. Your school offered a racing club which allowed students to meet after school and go to various tracks in the state to see what it was like to race. You and Dayton had always gone Go-Kart driving on the weekends, but you never thought it would turn into anything serious. Dayton, however, has found his passion. He started building his own race car after school sophomore year, and even asked if you would come over to help. You knew absolutely nothing about building a race car, but Dayton wanted you to be there and that’s all that mattered.

“Y’know I know nothing about building a damn car right? Do YOU even know anything about building a car?” you posed to Dayton in an almost accusatory tone.

“As a matter of fact, Y/N, I have been studying how to build this ‘damn car’ for over a year now, so why don’t you put a little respect on Francine’s name?”

“Well, Dayton, I suggest you begin studying geometry before you fail the quarter. And you named the thing already? Is it your lover or you car?”

“It’s both” he gave you a weird wink, one on the left, and then another on the right in secession.

“You are absolutely gross, White. I can’t believe I ever agreed to go down that slide with you when we were five. It was probably all apart of your evil plan to keep me from being someone else’s best friend just so I could build this car with you” you rolled your eyes as you sat on the hood of his family car.

“God you’re so right. You caught me. Our entire friendship has been a sham, and it all led up to this moment. And now that I finally have you where I want you...” he said with a low growl, planting both of his hands on either side of you as you sat on the hood of his car.

“I’m gonna get ya!” He said tickling your sides

You shrieked, absolutely taken aback that his hands were all over you.

God, his hands were all over you.

Alright, maybe he is cute, but there was no way you two would ever date. You came to that conclusion a long time ago. Your crush developed in the 6th grade, which is absolutely astounding considering middle schoolers are anything but normal. Even in the most awkward stage of life Dayton still managed to be charming and cute as ever. You were determined to tell him, but he would never shut up about Stacey Waterson. You hated her with every fiber of your being. What was wrong with you after all? You had it all, at least that’s what your mom said. You were decently pretty, immensely funny, and his best friend. You shared everything together. What more could he want? Well, the answer to that question would be Stacey Waterson. He wanted her, and not you.

You came back to from the tickling after laughing for what seemed like minutes. Your sides were hurting from contracting your ab muscles for too long. You pushed Dayton off of you playfully, but he pounced back on you, pinning your arms above your head.

“Say the password and I’ll let you go” he stared you down, being absolutely serious.

However, you wanted to double check.

“You can’t be serious” you retorted back, completely flustered due to the situation you were currently in on top of the incessant tickling that occurred just moments before.

“Oh, I’m serious. Say the password and I’ll let you go!” He said with a huge smile on his face.

“Jesus Christ, let me go you dick” you said while struggling to get up.

Dayton made a loud buzzing sound in your face.

“Try again!”

“Dayton come on let me up!”

Dayton made another loud buzzing sound in your face.

“Come on Y/N, just one little word and this can all go away. All you gotta do is say..”

“Goddamnit Dayton, chicken! Chicken for fuck’s sake” you said waiting for his response.

Dayton made another loud buzzing sound in your face.

“I’m sorry, that’s the old password. There’s a new password” he smiled at you, knowing this was ridiculous.

You finally mustered up the strength to push him off of you.

“What do you mean the password has changed!”

The password “chicken” has been used in every single scenario since you first let. For whatever reason, You and Dayton found that word hilarious when you were at a birthday party in the third grade. It was Danny Henry’s 8th birthday, and of course it was chicken themed. Every child gets infatuated with a new thing every year. Danny happened to live on a farm, and all year he wouldn’t stop talking about getting a pet chicken. You all wore chicken hats, there were chicken plates, a chicken cake. There was even a “Pin the Beak on the Chicken” game which, if you do say so yourself, was way more entertaining than “Pin the Tail on the Donkey.” You and Dayton lost it by the time your mom picked you up from the party, absolutely hysterical in the backseat. Ever since then, it was your secret password for everything.

“I was thinking we should change stuff up. Make up a new password, it has been seven years since we thought of one.”

“Oh yeah? And what is this new life changing password that is soooo good that our childhood memory is being brushed under the rug?” you question.

Dayton had an almost hurt look on his face, but he proposed the new password to you anyways.

“I thought the new password could be Francine. Y’know, I just think this is another great milestone in our friendship, working on this car and all. This day is really important to me and I’m glad you’re here” he said with sincerity.

You didn’t know what to say. This day did mean a lot to him, and your friendship overall.

You nodded in agreement.

“Alright, the new password is Francine. However, I will still be accepting chicken as a password in the future.”

Dayton smiled one of the biggest smiles you had ever seen.

“Deal. Now, let’s get this car on the road. We have a lot of work to do if I’m gonna be ready for my first ever official race next Saturday.”

______________________________________________

Race day was here. You woke up early next Saturday morning and drove over to Dayton’s house to pick him up to go to the race track. Dayton’s dad was taking his race car down in their trailer, but you and Dayton wanted to head to your special place before the race. It was eight o’clock in the morning and Dayton had until noon to get to the race track.

Ever since the 6th grade, you and Dayton would walk to this rock in the woods after school to talk about your day. Your mom got home at seven every night, so you only had four hours to do something before she got home and realized you were “missing.” You talked about everything on that rock, and that rock was also where you realized you had the biggest crush on someone since your infatuation with Paul Rudd in “Clueless.”

You pulled up in your beat up Dodge Intrepid, newly sporting your license. You grabbed some granola bars and bottles of orange juice to enjoy while sitting on the rock.

You both sat down on ground, leaning up against the thing. You both sighed and enjoyed the crisp cool morning air. Finally, you broke the silence.

“You nervous for today?”

Dayton looked down between his legs while chewing on his granola bar.

“I am absolutely terrified. I mean, what if I mess up?”

You laughed a little.

He looked at you with confusion.

“What’s so funny?”

You shook your head.

“it’s your first are Dayton. It’s okay to be nervous and even mess up. At the end of the day, everyone is going to be proud of you. We’ll all tell you how great you did because we know how much you care about this. You’ll do amazing.”

He smiled, almost not expecting such kind words to come from your mouth.

“You’re something else Y/N, ya know that?”

“Oh yeah? Stacey Waterson is something else too I bet” you said half jokingly, half serious.

He rolled his eyes.

“Who gives a fuck about Stacey Waterson when I have a girl like you to cheer me on and surprisingly gives the best pep talks.”

“Well the way I see it she was the one who got the invitation to prom, not little old me who will be spending that Saturday night in my basement playing my PlayStation.”

He shook his head again.

“I never asked Stacey to prom.”

You suddenly shifted to look at him square in the face.

“What?”

“I said, I didn't ask Stacey to prom.”

You were dumbfounded. He told you he was absolutely determined to take her. What had changed?

“W-Why? Why didn’t you ask her?”

He kept smiling and shaking his head.

“God Y/N, for being one of the smartest girls I have ever met you really can be dumb sometimes.”

“Excuse you, Dayton White, I happen to be taking AP U.S History, Honors Biology, and-”

That’s when you thought heaven had fell down from the skies and landed right on that rock.

Dayton had leaned in and kissed you. God, why did he have to be so charming?

He slowly took your lip into his mouth and gently sucked on it. You reciprocated by taking his top lip into your mouth and began moving your mouth with his. Time had stopped. It felt like you had molded into one person, enjoying the sensation of each other’s lips.

He finally pulled away, looking you dead in the eyes.

“Do you understand now?”

You nodded, still stunned by his actions.

“I think we better go. I wanna see this handsome boy I kissed win his first race.”

#dayton white #dayton white x reader #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan characters #logan lucky

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wefoundloveunderthelight · 3 years

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Emma's Reckless Dating Game by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Chapter 1 of 1

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Emma’s Reckless Dating Game

Emma’s head was pounding the moment she opened her eyes, a loud groan escaping her throat. She heard her roommate in the kitchen, the saccharine sounds of humming that should be illegal this early in the morning.

How much did she drink last night?

She can’t honestly remember after the fourth shot of tequila. They had been celebrating her best friend’s upcoming wedding to Emma’s brother, David.

Back in her freshman year of college, she remembered meeting Mary Margaret and immediately realizing she was the perfect match for her older brother. Of course, she was right, the two fell for each other almost at the first meeting. M’s couldn’t stop talking about how funny her brother was, how cute his eyes were when he laughed, or how much she loved the little curl at the back of his neck.

It was all disgusting and so very perfect.

If she hadn’t been so happy for them, she would have been nauseous. Though perhaps it was more from being jealous of what they had. Emma hadn’t exactly had any luck in the boyfriend department, in fact, if she were being honest, her dating life had pretty much been a disaster. Honestly, she couldn’t even lie to herself to make it seem any better.

If Mr. Right was out there somewhere, Emma was sure that by now he must have gotten lost or hit by a bus, because he sure wasn’t interested in finding her.

“It’s about time you got out of bed.”

Emma groaned, sitting down at the kitchen table. “I know you drank about as much as I did last night, how are you still so cheerful this morning?”

“I didn’t drink half as much as you did, but I have always held my liquor better than you.” She added cheerily.

“I guess I’m just not as lucky as you.” She said with a frown.

“Don’t start that, one day you’re gonna find someone, the perfect…”

“I know, I know, M’s, the perfect person who comes along at just the right moment, yada yada yada. You’ve been telling me this for years.” She drank her coffee as her friend simply rolled her eyes.

“It will happen for you; you just need to be patient.”

“I’m tired of being patient, I’d prefer a mind-blowing orgasm.”

“Emma.” Her friend reprimanded her.

“Don’t tell me it isn’t true, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being in the next room when my brother comes over to cheeryou up. It still haunts my nightmares.”

“Oh God, you never told me you could hear us.”

“David isn’t exactly quiet. Oh baby, sing for me.” She mimicked in a deep voice as her friend’s cheeks reddened and she buried her face in her hands. “Don’t worry, I’m a big girl.”

“All you have to do is ask David, I’m sure he could set you up with one of his friends.”

Emma laughed loudly. “I think I’ll pass. David has terrible taste in friends.”

“Don’t judge everyone based on your feelings about Killian Jones.”

Killian Jones…

Her brother’s best friend and her constant nemesis. If Emma were in a superhero movie, she was sure that Killian Jones would be the villain trying to take her down and destroy the world, hellbent on revenge for his terrible outlook on life. At least that’s how Emma saw him, the rest of her friends were blinded by his blue eyes, persistent demeanor, and his ridiculous sarcastic quips.

Killian and David had been friends since elementary school, back when Emma was still wearing pig tails and braces. Her first memories of Killian were of him tugging her hair as he called an annoying brat. When he first started coming around, Emma thought he was cute, he had a pair of blue eyes that made her blush when he would stare at her, but as soon as he opened his mouth, his voice always dripping with sarcasm and insult, she quickly tired of him.

“I’m not dancing with him.” She announced angrily.

“Emma, it’s a tradition that the maid of honor and best man share a dance. You’ve danced with worse men than Killian.” She teased.

She groaned. “No one is worse than Killian Jones.”

~*~

10 years ago

“That’s a nice dress, though it would look better on my floor.” Emma rolled her eyes in annoyance at the man seated across from her at the bar. She had been set up with Walsh two nights ago by one of her college friends. He came from money; she could tell from the way he talked down to the waiter and basically anyone they had come into contact with that evening.

“This is only our second date; pretty sure I’m supposed to give you something to look forward to for next time.” She joked.

“I could imagine a lot of things to come back for.” His hand pressed again her thigh as she felt his fingertips slip under the hem of her dress. She slid her hand under the table and stilled his movement.

“Slow down there, Romeo.” She joked nervously as his hand retreated, a flash of anger in his eyes before it was gone, and a smile spread across his face.

“Let’s order some wine.” He lifted his hand, calling over the waiter to order something in French. He was quick to tell her how rare the wine was, one bottle cost more than three payments on her Volkswagen, a fact that was more disgusting to her than impressive. When they arrived at his place hours later, her head swimming in drink and chocolate, she shifted nervously on the couch as his fingers tried to invade her body. She pushed him back, trying to stop the attack of roving hands.

“Don’t fight it Emma, you know this is meant to be.” He growled against her ear. Her heart was pounding, her eyes looking wildly around the room for an escape.

“Bathroom.” She said quickly. “I need to freshen up.” She said as she stood from her spot on the couch, his hands gripping her arm so tightly she was sure it would leave a bruise. “I want to look my best.” She added, forcing a smile onto her face.

Locking the door behind her the moment he let her escape, she quickly dialed her brother’s number.

“You’ve reached David Nolan, I’m not available right now…”

“Dammit.” She growled, punching in her best friend’s number.

“It’s Mary, I’m not available, leave a message and have a blessed day…”

Emma ran down her contact list, each person either unavailable or someone she was no longer speaking to. She settled on the last name on her list, the one person she had no interest in seeking help from. Dialing the number, she held her breath.

“This better be important.” The voice growled into her ear.

“Killian?”

“You’ve got him, who’s this?”

“It’s Emma. Emma Nolan.” She said quietly.

“Emma? What the bloody hell are you calling me for?”

“Trust me, you were my last choice.” She said with a groan. “But I can’t reach David, and I need…I need a ride.”

“Do you know what bloody time it is?”

“Yeah I know, but I’m…”

“Look, I’m kind of in the middle of something right now…”She heard a woman’s voice in the background and rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, look just forget I called.”

There was silence on the other end before she heard another audible sigh. “Where do you need a ride to?”

“I was on a date, but I need to get home.”

“Then bloody ask the bloke to take you home.”

“I would but he’s…”

“Where are you?” He interrupted in annoyance.

“I’m at his house.” She whispered as she heard someone approaching the bathroom door.

“Emma, it’s late, how long does it take for you to get naked? I’m getting tired of waiting and I honestly don’t care what you look like right now.” Walsh’s voice boomed through from the other room.

“Who the hell is that?” Killian inquired on the other end of the line.

“Walsh Ozman.” She said quietly. “I um, I’ll be right out.” She hollered to the door.

“What the fuck are you doing at Walsh Ozman’s house?”Killian said angrily.

“Look, I don’t have time to argue with you right now. Just forget it…”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes, just stay in the bathroom.” His voice was flat, annoyance in his inflection, but she could tell that there was no arguing with him as he hung up the phone.

She paced the floor of the bathroom, ignoring Walsh’s building anger from the other side of the locked door. When she heard the doorbell her heartbeat raced. She held her ear to the door, hearing a murmur on the other side. She unlocked the door and slipped into the hallway, listening as Walsh raised his voice.

“I think you’re mistaken, Jones, I don’t believe anyone needs you here.”

“I disagree.” Killian’s voice sounded angry. “Where’s Emma?”

Emma walked quickly toward the door, grabbing her purse from the couch. “Killian.” Emma said with a smile.

“Emma, what the fuck.” Walsh turned toward her, grabbing her by the arm. “Did you call this asshole?”

Emma flinched, looking down at his hand on her arm. “I forgot; I have a test in the morning. Killian offered to take me home.” The grip on her arm tightened and Emma panicked.

“I think we have some business to finish first. I’ll take you home after.” He said through gritted teeth.

“I don’t think you understood me earlier.” Killian’s voice boomed from behind them. “I’m here to take Emma home.” He stepped toward Walsh. “Now.”

Emma yanked her arm free, stepping quickly to stand behind Killian. His eyes never left Walsh as he spoke. “Why don’t you wait by my bike, Swan.” Emma didn’t flinch at the use of the stupid nickname he had for her, she didn’t wait another second as she rushed out the door, speeding down the sidewalk toward Killian’s motorcycle. She waited for what felt like minutes or hours until Killian stormed angrily out of the house, grabbing his helmet before mounting the bike. He looked back at her impatiently and she quickly climbed on behind him as he pulled away from the curb, speeding off into the night.

The moment he parked in front of her dorm she climbed off the bike. “Does David know you went out with him?” He asked angrily.

“He’s my brother not my dad.” She remarked sarcastically.

Killian shook his head in annoyance. “Stay away from Ozman.”

“You aren’t my keeper, either.” She glared.

“Look I don’t give a fuck who you date, but even you should have some sort of standard, love.”

She blew out an annoying sigh. “You’re gonna talk to me about standards. Which bimbo were you with tonight?”

“At least I didn’t need to call in a favor in order to escape from my date.” He glared, stepping toward her. “It’s all just a big game to you isn’t it? Emma’s reckless dating game.”

“Oh, go to hell, Jones.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Ozman’s bad news, Swan. Stay away from him.”

Emma frowned, she knew tonight was bad, her senses had been tingling the moment Walsh drove them back to his place, but Killian Jones was the last person she wanted giving her advice about dating. “Like you stayed away from Milah?” She spat and he stepped back on his heels.

“You know what, Swan, fuck you.”

“You wish.” She shot back.

He stepped into her space, the blue of his eyes almost a darkened black as he stared into her. “Not if you were the last piece of ass on earth.” He narrowed his eyes. “Besides, I don’t do blondes.”

“Please, you couldn’t handle it.”

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it.” He dared as his eyes danced angrily.

Emma squared her shoulders, meeting his eyes in defiance. “You are the biggest asshole I have ever met.”

“Do me a favor, the next time your date turns out to be a dick, call a cab.” He slammed his helmet on his head, mounting his bike and speeding off into the dark.

~*~

Emma pushed the silver stick into her curls, the round pearl sitting on top of one of her golden tresses tucked against her head. She stood back, admiring herself in the mirror. At least the dress didn’t have ruffles, she thought, examining the light pink fabric swishing around her legs.

She heard fussing behind her and turned to see Mary Margaret tugging at her dress. “Stop that. You’re going to rip it.”

“God I’m so nervous.” Her friend said anxiously.

“It’s just David.” She laughed. “And you really like David.”

The ceremony was beautiful, Emma barely registered the look of disdain from Killian as he stood on the other side of her brother, his eyes staring a hole into her head. She returned his glance more than once, defiance in her eyes as she dared him to look away.

She didn’t have time for whatever had crawled up Killian’s ass and pissed him off. She was just happy for her brother and her best friend.

Sitting at the table, she quickly finished her first glass of wine, an injection of courage or tolerance for her upcoming dance with the man who had more than once caused her grief already this evening. The clanging of glasses pulled her from her thoughts as Killian stood beside her brother, raising his glass for his toast.

“David has always been a brother to me, someone I trusted with my life, which was probably good since we seemed to find ourselves in peril many times in college.” Her brother laughed and his wife elbowed him playfully. “David and I were doing quite well on our own, in college we were Gods.” He said, extending his arms wide. Emma rolled her eyes. “When I first met Mary, I knew those days would soon be over.” He smiled at her new sister-in-law. “I tried to be angry about it, but the damned woman is a marvel.” He smiled at her friend. “Who could be angry when your best friend finds the love of his life?” Killian raised his glass, his eyes momentarily locking with hers, the hair on her neck standing on end for a moment. “To finding the love of your life.” He placed his glass to his lips and sipped, glancing down at his brother and Mary Margaret as they toasted each other.

Emma shook off the odd sensation forming in her gut, looking away from Killian to collect her thoughts before it was her turn to speak.

“See he’s not such a bad guy.” Her friend whispered in her ear. “That was quite lovely.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Anyone can say nice words after a few drinks.” She teased as she stood from her seat. “Well, I’m not sure I can follow such a moving speech.” She said sarcastically, a small smirk on her lips as Killian’s eyes met hers. “I grew up my whole life around boys.” She smiled. “My brother and his friends tortured me endlessly.” David winked at Killian. “When I met Mary Margaret, I thought…finally, finally I have an ally.” She laughed. “Turns out she wasn’t just the person I needed to find, more than a sister I could share my secrets with, she was also destined to find her true love, with the man who would permanently make us sisters. I couldn’t have hoped for a better person for my brother, I hope you are both happy for the rest of your lives, no one deserves it more.”

Emma leaned over and hugged her friend. “I guess I have to share her now.” She laughed as her brother stood and hugged her.

The lights dimmed as the dancing began, she watched her brother and her best friend take to the floor arm in arm, a beautiful first dance as man and wife. When she heard her name announced over the speaker she stood and sighed, looking over at the man on the other end of the table.

“Come, love.” He held out his arm and she brushed past him, ignoring his gesture and storming toward the dance floor, turning once she reached the edge of the floor.

“Let’s get this over with already, Jones.” She complained with her arms crossed against her chest.

“As you wish.” He groaned, pulling her into his arms. “Relax, love. This doesn’t have to be painful.” He rolled his eyes.

“Trust me, it’s already painful.” He wrapped his arm around her waist and Emma felt the warmth as he pulled her against his chest.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, I’m actually an excellent dancer.” He said with a smirk. “Unlike your two left feet.” He looked down between them as she tripped over his shoes.

“Whatever, dancing is stupid.”

“Dancing is simple, there’s only one rule, pick a partner who knows what he’s doing.” He guided her around the dance floor, nodding to her brother as he glided them past the couple dancing in the center. Emma tried to ignore the way it felt being held by Killian Jones, the man who had brought her nothing but anger and annoyance for years.

She watched the way his eyes flitted around the room, never landing on hers, almost as if he were purposely avoiding her gaze, yet the hand at her waist firmly gripped her, fingers hot against the flesh at her back. She wasn’t sure if it was the dance or his touch that was causing her body to overheat. When the song ended she stepped away from him quickly. “I need a drink.”

“Aye.” He responded. “I think I’ll join you in that.”

She expected to hate his company, to find him his usual abhorrent self, but the festivities seemed to have him in a mood that was at least tolerable. The next hour was spent taking turns downing as many shots as they could handle, almost as if they were challenging the other to stop. When Emma took her last shot, she felt the world around the man in front of her blur. Blue eyes swirling in her vision. “I uh need…” She placed her hand at his chest as she tried to stop the world from spinning.

“What do you need, Emma.” He asked, his voice deep and full of innuendo as the corner of his mouth turned upward in a smirk. Emma could feel herself leaning toward him. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and Emma felt the urge to pull his mouth to hers.

“Bathroom, I need a bathroom.” She stuttered, slipping off her stool and stumbling quickly away from the man at the bar who’s eyes she felt still on her as she turned the corner.

She stood in front of the mirror staring at her blurry reflection. “He’s Killian Jones. Asshole extraordinaire.” She warned herself. “Even you don’t need to get laid that badly.” Sure, it had been a few years since she’d had a really good orgasm given to her from anyone besides herself, but whatever Killian Jones could provide her would not be worth the headache it would cause later. Squaring her shoulders, she splashed water on her face and reentered the reception hall.

As she turned the corner she saw her brother standing next to Killian, lost in conversation. As she got closer to them, she could hear their voices.

“Come on man, I’ve seen the way you look at Emma.”

“Piss off, she’s a pain in the arse. I only think of her as an annoying child. She’s never been anything but trouble.”

“So that’s why you’ve always been the one to run to her aid whenever she finds that trouble?”

“Twice. I’ve only done that twice.”

Emma furrowed her brow. Twice, she could only remember one time he had come to her aid, the night with Walsh.

“Yeah well if it wasn’t for you she might still be with that asshole, Cassidy.”

Cassidy? Emma thought. That didn’t make any sense. Killian barely even acknowledge Neal much less assisted her with anything when it came to him. Suddenly her brother noticed her approaching and he patted Killian on the shoulder. “Well, I better get back to my wife.” He said with a bow, leaving Killian at the counter. As he passed he nodded in her direction. “Don’t drink too much, sis.” He teased.

Killian turned toward her as she approached. Emma sat down at the counter, picking up her glass and downing the liquid before turning toward him.

“What do you think happened to Walsh?” She asked suddenly.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Walsh, you know that guy I went out with right out of high school.”

“Why the fuck do you care what happened to him, please tell me you aren’t interested in reacquainting yourself with him?”

“I dunno, I guess I’m just being a bit introspective seeing as we’re at a wedding and I’m still not married.”

“Trust me, you didn’t want to marry a guy like Walsh Ozman.”

“I bet he’s got a shit ton of money now.” She laughed.

“Never known you to give a fuck about money, Swan.”

“I was always curious, but I never asked. What didyou say to him after I left the house that night?”

She recognized the obvious flinch, but he refused to look at her. “What?”

“To Walsh? You stayed in there for a while after I left, what did you say to him, cuz anytime he saw me on campus after that night, he ran the other direction.”

He laughed nervously and took a drink of his beer. “I don’t remember.” He deflected.

“Bullshit.” Emma spat and Killian pulled his drink from his lips.

“Perhaps I told him that it was in his best interest to forget your number.”

“Interesting…”

“Not sure if it was interesting, but he forgot it, didn’t he?” He said with a tap of his bottle against hers.

“So, that’s it huh, you told him to forget my number and he did? I don’t believe you.”

He chuckled his usual sarcastic laugh, the one that got under her skin when he didn’t want to deal with her. “Why not?”

“Because I think you said something to him, to scare him, which doesn’t make any sense to me at all.”

“The guy was a creep, Swan. You weren’t the first college student he had harassed, manhandled, or worse.” He added softly, a look of seriousness suddenly settling over him.

She shrugged. “Like you cared what happened to me anyway.”

“You were David’s baby sister, I couldn’t exactly let anything happen to you, he’d never forgive me.”

“So, you were looking out for Dave?” She hiccupped, the alcohol was really starting to go to her head.

“Look, it’s not my fault you kept calling me in the middle of the bloody night when you found yourself with irreputable men.”

“Kept calling?” She laughed. “I only called you once.” He paused as if he had said something he hadn’t meant to, taking another gulp of his drink, and turning away from her. She narrowed her eyes in his direction. “Killian, I only called you once.” She repeated.

He reached around the bar, grabbing a bottle of rum from under the counter and sliding off his stool. “I’m beat. Enjoy your evening, Swan.” She watched as he walked away from her, the bottle hanging from the hand at his side as he walked slowly toward the elevators.

Emma wandered lazily toward her friend, her feet felt heavy, her arms slightly numb. “There you are.” She said as Emma plopped down in the seat beside her.

“Was it everything you hoped for?” She tried not to slur her words.

“And more. But something tells me you’re having more fun than me.” She giggled and Emma held up her beer in a toast to her friend before taking another drink.

“Are you still drinking?” Emma looked up to see her brother approach.

“Don’t lecture me, dad.” She joked.

“Very funny, but you should probably slow down.” He sat down next to her. “Where did Killian go?”

“Probably drowning himself in his bottle of rum.” She laughed. She turned toward her brother. “Can I ask you something?”

He laughed, “You just did.”

“Whatever happened with Neal?”

He frowned, “Why are we talking about that asshole on my wedding night?”

“I don’t know, alcohol makes me nostalgic.” She shrugged. “I was just curious, you know, what happened to him after that night.”

“Which night?”

“You know that night.” She raised her eyebrow. “After I called you.”

“Emma, the last time I saw that idiot, was when you left on that trip to Tallahassee. I was so happy you came back alone, that I never wanted to ask you what went down.”

“Stop playing around, I called you, I told you where Neal was, and you sent me that cab to take me home and Neal never bothered me again.”

His brow raised and Emma could see he was considering his words. “Emma, I can honestly say I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Then who sent the cab?”

~*~

5 years ago

“Neal, what’s in the bag?”

“Stop asking questions, dammit.” He shouted and Emma flinched.

“I just don’t understand what we’re doing.”

He advanced on her before he paused. “Look Ems, I just need you to do what I tell you. Can you do that?”

Emma shook her head anxiously. “Yeah, fine.”

“Good.” He brushed his hand against her hair before he fisted it into her locks, tugging her head backward. “And don’t question me again.” Her heart raced when his mouth attacked her neck, biting at her flesh before he tossed her back against the floor. “Now put the bag under the bed. I’m gonna grab us some food. Don’t fucking touch anything.” She shook her head nervously as she watched him rummage through his drawer, tucking something in the back of his pants before turning back to face her.

“How long are you going to be gone?”

“What did I just say?” He groaned. “Look, I’ll be back when I get back.” He yanked her off the floor by her arm, pain searing at her shoulder.

“That hurts.” She cried out before his hand cracked against her cheek.

“Just do what I told you to do, dammit.” Suddenly his face softened, and he pulled her closer to him. “I’m sorry baby, don’t make me do that again, ok, I don’t like having to hit you.”

“I’m sorry.” She answered quickly, rubbing her palm on her cheek.

“Be a good girl, I’ll be back soon.”

Emma stared at the bag on the bed for what felt like hours, debating whether to open it and look inside. She knew the moment she did, it would be the moment it all became real, she would have to make a choice. She walked closer to the bed, staring back at the door. She took another step before reaching for the bag, tugging at the zipper, and yanking it open.

“Shit.” She cursed to herself, staring down at the bundles of money, red stains on a few of them, gold watches littered between the bills. She reached in and moved the bundles around until she felt the cold butt of a gun. She was in over her head. She wasn’t aware of what Neal had been doing at each of the stops on their trip, but now she had a pretty good idea. She couldn’t live like this, it wasn’t her. She had thought that when Neal told her he wanted to start a new life with her in Tallahassee that he was done with all the petty thief stuff. All these months, she convinced herself he would change for her, that if she loved him, that it would be enough. But as she stood in the room, a pile of cash in a bag, blood smeared in Neal’s fingerprints on the bills, it was never going to be enough.

She picked up the phone and dialed her brother’s number. She needed to tell him before she chickened out. The moment the phone picked up she started talking, desperate to tell him everything.

“David, I need your help. I’ve screwed up. I know I told you that Neal had changed, that he was legit, but I’m in trouble. Neal…he…I need to get away from him now. I’m at a hotel in Florida and I’m scared. I’ll send you the address, but I need your help, please I…I just want to come home, I’m so sorry.” She sobbed.

“Emma…”

“Don’t talk, I don’t want to hear the disappointment in your voice. I’ll send you the info, I’ll change, I promise, it’s over with him, I…I promise. Just get me home and we never have to talk about Neal Cassidy again.”

She hung up the phone and waited until there was a honk outside the hotel. She peered out the window to see a cab waiting. She grabbed her stuff and ran through the door, never looking back.

~*~

Emma stood in front of the large ornate door, Room 515. Her head was still spinning when she pounded on the wooden frame. She stood impatiently until it flung open, Killian Jones stood in front of her, his hair a mess, wearing only a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt. “Couldn’t stop thinking of me, eh Swan?” He jeered; the half drank bottle of rum in his hand.

“Tallahassee.” She said firmly, pushing past him as she entered his room.

“Do come in.” He groaned as she heard the door shut behind her. “What do you want?”

“I know it was you that I talked to you that night, but how?”

He shook his head as if trying to clear the cobwebs or something. “Sorry, lass, I’m not following, what night?”

“I called David from my hotel room that night, but he swears he never talked to me. Yet someone sent me a cab, someone got me home.”

He shrugged. “Haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re on about, love.”

“Bullshit.” She stepped toward him. “Tonight, you said I kept calling you in the middle of the night, but I only called you once, because of Walsh.”

“I must have misspoken.” He shrugged, tossing himself down on his bed as he sat on the end of the mattress.

“I can tell you’re lying.” She glared as he reached up and touched the tip of his ear with his finger. “There. You do that thing with your ear when you’re either lying or nervous.”

“You’ve barge in my room in the middle of the night, interrupt my solitude, and start accusing me of lying about sending a cab to some damn hotel room in the middle of podunk Woodville, Florida, you can’t blame me for being foggy.”

Emma flinched and her eyes sought his from across the room. “I didn’t say where I was staying. I just said Tallahassee. How did you know the hotel was in Woodville?”

He shrugged, “I’m drunk lass, lucky guess.”

“I knew it was you.” She exclaimed.

“Fine, you caught me, I sent you a fucking cab, but to be fair you’re the one who told me not to talk that night.”

“But I called David, I know I did.”

He chuckled. “Aye, you did, but he was passed out drunk that night.”

“You never told him what I said on that call? Why?”

He laughed loudly. “Figured he didn’t need to know what his baby sister had gotten herself into, seeing as you were telling me you were done with it, I didn’t see the point. As long as Neal was out of the picture, it wasn’t necessary to break his heart.”

“So, you sent a cab, and just brought me home, no questions asked.”

“Aye.” He still wasn’t making eye contact with her. He wasn’t telling her the full story, she knew it.

“So, David never talked to Neal then.” She paced the room in front of him. “But Neal knew where I was, and yet he never came after…”

“He damn well better not have, I swore I’d tear him apart with my own hands.” Killian growled and Emma felt the room spin slightly.

“What did you just say?”

“That dumb fuck tried to square up to me like I couldn’t beat his ass, I swear he cried when I burned that fucking cash in front of him.” He swirled the bottle in his hands before tipping it back again to down the liquid.

“You came to Florida?”

He looked up and bit his lip. “I uh…What?”

“You just said you burned his cash, the cash was in Florida, in the hotel.”

“It’s late, I’m drunk, I think…” Emma walked over and grabbed the bottle out of his hand, throwing it across the room as it smashed into the wall, liquid and glass exploding at the contact. “What the bloody hell…”

“Tell me the truth.” She yelled. “Did you go to Florida?”

“Of course, I went to Florida, who else was going to keep that bastard from coming after you?” He stood up, staring at her as he shouted, and Emma felt her cheeks flush.

“But why?”

“Because he touched you. I saw it, the bruise on your cheek, you think I was just going to let him hit you and walk away?”

Emma sucked in her breath. “How, how did you know that?”

“I needed to make sure you got home. I waited outside your apartment, I saw the cab arrive, watched you get out. As soon as I saw your face, I knew he needed to be stopped.” He walked toward her. “So yeah, I went to Florida, to the address you had me send that cab to. Asshole was still there, waiting for you to come back.” Emma couldn’t believe what she was hearing, all these years she thought David had helped her out of the situation and then did as she said, and never spoke about it again.

“You burned his cash?”

“Enough to tell him I was serious. If he ever came back for you, if he so much as tried to contact you…”

She stepped backwards, but he followed her until her back hit the wall, his eyes staring into hers. “Why? Why did you care at all about Neal?”

“I didn’t give a fuck about Neal.” He yelled, as he placed his hands on either side of her head, leaning toward her. “Don’t you get it Emma. It was you. It was always you.”

His mouth was on hers in an instant and Emma could barely catch up to the fact he was kissing her, Killian Jones was kissing her. She should be repulsed but in the moment all she could feel was the heat of his body pressed against hers, his fingers gripping her hair, pulling her against his mouth as her entire body hummed in excitement.

Without a second thought she pushed back, her hands against his chest, fisting in his t-shirt, her head falling back as his mouth explored her neck. She could barely contain the moan as his tongue slid against her jaw. She didn’t registered the moment they both stumbled across the room, his hands at her back, clawing at the zipper low on her hips. When they tripped against the bed, the straps of her gown pulled down her body, he stared at her with eager eyes. Emma couldn’t believe this was happening, things weren’t making sense. All these years, all the anger toward each other, the teasing, the torment, suddenly they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

He was Killian Jones. The man who had tormented her thoughts for years, Killian Jones, the man who had come to her rescue the night with Walsh, who had also apparently saved her from a terrible mistake with Neal. She was confused, overwhelmed, and incredibly horny, she realized.

“Swan…” His voice vibrated against her ear. “I think we should…”

Emma pulled away from him, looking at him as he swayed in front of her. “What?”

“I’m fuck as drunk.” He laughed. “Aaand, I’m pretty sure you’re having a difficult time standing on your own right now.”

“Wait a minute?” She said incredulously. “The Killian Jones, sex God extraordinaire is saying he’s too drunk to fuck?”

“Sex God?” He laughed. “Ok I don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but anyway…I’m just saying…maybe we need to hit pause; besides I can’t exactly feel my lower half.” He stepped back, looking down at his boxers. “And I think I need to sit down.” He stumbled backward until his legs hit the bed, falling over until he was lying on his back.

“Seriously?” Emma sighed, watching as the man stilled, soft sounds of snoring filling the room. Maybe it was for the best, it’s not like it was smart for her and Killian to sleep together. She was Emma Nolan and he was Killian Jones, enemies since childhood. One drunken night couldn’t change that. Perhaps he was right, she needed to go back to her room, get some sleep, and wake up with a clear head before she made a mistake she wouldn’t be able take back.

~*~

She woke to a banging on her door that wouldn’t stop. “Good God.” She groaned, sitting up in her bed and stumbling toward the door. She yanked it open and stared angrily at whoever was making the noise.

“You look like shit, Swan.” Killian smiled at her in a way that no man who drank a bottle of rum should be smiling at a person, at whatever time it currently was in the morning.

“What do you want?”

“Brought you breakfast, figured you might need some dry toast.” He held up the white bag in his hands and she dropped her arm, letting him enter her room.

“Why are you so cheerful this morning, you drank half the bar last night.”

“I guess I hold my liquor better than you.”

“Why does everyone say that? Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m the one who left you passed out in your bed last night.”

“Ah, that.” He shrugged. “Perhaps that was for the best.”

She stared at him, watching as he looked everywhere around the room except for at her, avoiding her eyes. “Maybe.” She opened the bag and pulled out the toast, taking a bite and swallowing before speaking again. “Did you threaten Walsh also?” She asked with a shrug.

“Are we back to a Q&A session, Swan? What does it even matter?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense. You hated me, you used to tease me mercilessly. You never even called me by my first name, making up that stupid Swan shit when I turned 13. So why, why would you care at all about my relationships?”

He exhaled loudly. “You want to know why I call you Swan?”

“You already told me that a long time ago, it was because I had a long stupid neck.”

He laughed. “You believed that shit?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You said it to my face.”

“I thought you could tell when I was lying.” He chuckled.

“Then why? Why do you call me that?” She asked in frustration.

“Because right before my eyes, you had grown into the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. You went from this silly little girl in pigtails and braces to this gorgeous beautiful swan I couldn’t keep my eyes off of.”

Emma’s world stopped. “What? No…that’s...”

“Crazy? Yeah well, I’ve been crazy about you for as long as I can remember, so welcome to my world.”

She laughed loudly. “You had a funny way of showing it, between the redheads, the brunettes, the…”

“But never blonde.” He added seriously.

“That’s not true, there had to be one or two that were…” She stopped and thought about the women that Killian had dated throughout the years, were there really no blondes?

“They wouldn’t have been you.” He answered the question she didn’t dare say out loud.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” She implored.

“You had a type, usually idiotic moron, but it was still a type. Who was I to interfere with your ridiculous choices? Besides, you were my best friend’s little sister.” He paused before taking a step closer to her. “Would it have mattered if I did?”

Emma felt her heart skip as he stared down at her, her legs suddenly feeling unstable. “I don’t know…you’ve always just been David’s annoying friend.”

“Always?” He asked as his brow rose. “So, you never thought about it, you and I? Not even late at night, when you were alone…” His voice reverberated in her mind.

“No, of course not?” She laughed, the sound getting caught in her throat the moment his hand touched her cheek.

“Are you quite certain about that, love?”

“I…I don’t know.” Her mouth was dry as she thought back on her life, she had always found Killian attractive, and he found a way to get under her skin more times than she cared to admit, but there had been times when she was alone, times when she thought about the man in front of her in ways she knew she could never act on. She had always passed the feelings off as just needing to get laid. He was gorgeous after all, no one would deny that. “Maybe if you weren’t always such an ass all…”

Her words died in her throat the moment his mouth was on her neck, his hands at her waist pulling her against him. “You were saying…” She felt the arrogant smirk against her skin.

“You’re an ass.” She groaned, letting her hands slide against his neck as he continued to pepper kisses along her jaw until their lips met in a fiery explosion. She had to admit in the light of day, without the alcohol fogging her brain, that kissing Killian Jones was an entirely different yet exciting experience. It was like her body craved him in ways she had never admitted even in the darkness of her own solitude.

Tiny details suddenly came to life in her brain, the way he looked at her the night he came to get her at Walsh’s. Protective, possessive, almost feral, because of her.

Emma pulled him closer to her, desperately tugging at his hair to bring him closer, as he intoxicated her every sense. Emma had to admit she had wondered what kissing Killian was like, had thought about what his mouth could do, but experiencing it was a whole different thing. She felt his hands at her hips, fingers slipping under her shirt as his palm met skin searing a warm trail that caused her flesh to pebble under his touch.

As if a sudden desperation overtook her, she found herself gripping his shirt, pushing it up his chest as she explored the hair hidden beneath with her fingertips. “Perhaps you’ve imagined it a few times.” He teased, pushing her pajama bottoms over her hips, shoving them toward the ground.

“Shut up and take this off already.” She growled as he pulled his shirt over his head. Emma gulped, staring at his chest. She had obviously not spent enough time admiring this man for all his glory.

“Impatient, love?”

“Just curious if you live up to your reputation.” She teased.

“I can assure you; you won’t be disappointed.”

“That’s a mighty large assurance, considering I’m used to being disappointed.” She tore the button to his pants open, hoping to speed up the situation.

“As I said love, you have terrible taste in men, but I don’t intend to let you down.” He threw her bra behind her, his mouth suddenly pressing against one of her mounds, his tongue darting out to flick against her pert nipple.

“Oh God.” She cried out at the contact. “My taste in men has led me to this, so perhaps you have a point.” She groaned.

“Perhaps this is the first good choice you’ve made in a while.” His slid down her body his tongue tracing a line down her stomach, poking at her navel as he slid her panties down her body.

“We’ll see about that.” She said before moaning when his tongue slid closer to the area she needed him. “Fuck.” She growled looking down at him as he stared up at her.

“Something you want, Swan?”

“How can you be so irritating and yet so…” She clenched her teeth as he stood, pulling her naked toward the bed and sitting her on the mattress.

“So…?” He pressed her to continue as she lay back on the mattress. “Irritating yet devilishly handsome?” He smirked before settling between her legs. “I am quite dashing, aren’t I.” He pressed a kiss to her thigh.

“I’m going to be dashing you right out of this room if you don’t…” The heat of his tongue against her center caused her head to fall back and the words to die in her throat. She ignored the smirk she could feel form on his lips, he had a right to be cocky with the expertise use of his tongue that had set her on fire.

When his fingers slipped inside of her, hitting the spot she so desperately needed, she reached down and gripped his hair, pulling him against her until she felt the feeling build, an explosion unlike any she had experienced before, causing her to scream out, his name escaping from her lips before she could stop it.

He glanced up at her with a look that told her he knew how good he was, he was confident in his ability, she would give him that. “Holy shit.” She said breathlessly.

“Perhaps all you really needed was one really great orgasm to unwind that…”

“Are you going to just talk the whole time or?” He slid up her body, his mouth devouring every inch of skin he passed until she felt like she was ready to pass out again.

Why did he have to be so goddamn talented with that mouth of his? Because why wouldn’t Killian Jones, the man who could work her into such an angry frenzy that it left her shaking in frustration, be the same one who could give her the best damn orgasm she had ever had in her life.

Killian fucking Jones, she thought as she felt his erection against her thigh. He hesitated and she opened her eyes to see his trepidation. “You don’t happen to be carrying a condom with you, do you?”

Emma laughed. “Don’t you carry one everywhere you go? My brother always told me you were the…what did he call it?”

He rolled his eyes. “The Saint of…”

“Sexual preparation…yes that’s it.” She finished smugly. “Always prepared, like a boy scout.”

He groaned in frustration. “If you must know, it’s been a while, love.”

“I have a hard time believing that.” She snorted. “But since I’ve known you for almost my entire life, and since I’m protected already…”

“Look at this face, have I ever lied to you?”

She took in the sincerity in his crystal blue eyes, the genuine smile spread across his lips, and she was taken aback suddenly by the situation she was in. Lying naked in a bed with Killian Jones, a man she had known almost her entire life. Suddenly the entire thing felt safe to her, she had never had that before with a man, trust had been rare in her life.

Killian had been many things to her, an enemy, her brother’s best friend, but one thing he had never been, was a liar. In fact, she now realized that he had protected her all those years. All the times he had made comments about her reckless behavior with a man wasn’t because he found her annoying, or because he didn’t like her, in fact, he said them out of concern for her wellbeing. It was all overwhelming to think back and realize that perhaps his behavior was out of jealousy instead of disregard.

“Are you with me, love?”

Emma looked at the man staring at her with concern in his eyes. Lifting her head, she pressed her lips to his, a soft kiss that meant so much more to her that she could have thought. She was here, with him, in every way that mattered. Suddenly she wanted so much more than just knowing what it was like to have sex with Killian Jones, she wanted to be with Killian Jones.

She pulled back, staring in his eyes. “I’m right here.” She whispered. He dipped his head, their lips touching once more, but this time there was an urgency, a need that he returned with such emotion it overwhelmed her.

In one motion, he slid inside of her, filling her in a way she had never experienced before. She felt connected, not only by their bodies but by the way he was watching her, his eyes soft yet intense, never leaving her own with each thrust. It was as if suddenly his mouth stopped speaking but he was still saying so much.

He would always be there for her, protecting her, caring for her. She knew it somehow, could feel it in the way he moved. How had she not seen it all this time?

“Emma…” He whispered her name like a prayer in the air, so reverent as if it was the most valued word he had ever spoken in his life. She could feel the crescendo building inside of her with each heavy thrust, as his body glided against hers giving her all the friction she needed to reach the level she was seeking.

“Oh God…” She moaned, her body starting to shake as his mouth pressed against her ear.

“Come with me Emma…” His voice, full of sincerity, laced with pure desire was the only sound she needed to guide her to the high she so desperately sought. Her body tensed as she gripped him, her teeth grazing the flesh at his shoulder as he moaned her name over and over until they both had stilled, exhausted, and completely sated.

“Well, that was…” She paused with a sly smile. “Unexpectedly better than I imagined.”

“Why Swan, I thought you never imagined…” he smirked, causing her to shove him backwards on the bed, climbing onto his waist as she looked down at him.

“Are you going to continue being this cocky, or…”

“Have you ever known me to be any other way?” His brow rose playfully.

She rolled her eyes, leaning over to place her lips against his mouth, the heat between her legs already pooling in anticipation of repeating the act they had just completed.

Suddenly the door to her room swung open and Emma’s eyes widened as she flung herself onto the mattress, pulling the covers over their bodies.

“Emma…David and I were just…”

“Mary has a key to your room?” Killian asked with a groan. “Good to know.” His voice trailed off.

“I get locked out a lot…” She could hear her friend’s voice getting closer as she approached them and she threw the covers over Killian’s head the moment her friend entered the room, she sat up suddenly. “Are you still in bed?” Her friend exclaimed. “Check out is in two hours!”

Emma forced a yawn. “Not everyone gets up with the birds, M’s.”

“Not everyone drank as much as you did either…”

“Hey, he’s not in his room either.” Emma groaned as her brother’s voice sounded at the door, entering her room. “You’re still in bed? Check out is in 2 hours, I don’t want to get charged for another day because you sleep past noon.” He paused, looking around her room. “Jesus, did you have a party in here?”

“Hey, you know, this is real fun, but I haven’t even had my breakfast yet so…”

“Oh, right.” Her friend said excitedly. “I was just dropping off your key so you can water the plants while we’re gone. Killian will have a key too so I hope the two of you can watch the place without killing each other or burning our house down.”

“Great. Ok then, have a good trip.” Emma tried to rush the conversation. Her brother was already staring at her when suddenly his face drained of color.

“We should um…yeah…perhaps we should leave, darling.” He took his wife by the hand. “I think Emma would prefer to spend her morning doing other activities.” He winked and Emma died a little inside, but not nearly as much as when she felt Killian’s hand trail up her thigh. She jumped with a loud squeak.

“Other activities, she’s still in bed, David…” Emma squeezed her eyes shut.

“Yes, and from the looks of things, she was quite enjoying that.”

Emma tossed a pillow toward her brother. “Get out.”

“I don’t…” Her friend’s eyes widened. “Oh my God.” She scanned the bed, finally taking notice of the extra bump in the bed. “Good for you Emma, I know it’s been a while…” She said with a happy whisper but not quite low enough that the sentence was not heard by Killian whom she felt pinch the inside of her thigh. She leaned over onto him, driving her elbow into his chest causing him to grunt loudly through the comforter.

David dragged his wife toward the door, despite her desire to stay and discuss this new revelation with Emma. She gestured toward her as she was leaving. “Call me…” She giggled before David stopped in his tracks, staring at something on the floor. His mouth turned up in a grin before he looked back at Emma.

“Hey uh, you haven’t seen Killian have you?” He sang with a devilish smile.

“Have you tried the bar?” Another pinch to the inside of her thigh. “Ouch.” She exclaimed loudly as her brother continued to stare at her.

“Ok well, I’ll leave his key here.” He held the key up in his hand, dropping it on the table by the dresser.

“Sounds great, not sure when I’ll see him, but you know, I can take care of the place on my own anyway.” She smiled.

“Yeah, ok, well when you see him, you might want to let him know that the hotel has been trying to contact him. Apparently someone ran over his bike in the parking lot.”

“Bloody hell.” Killian exclaimed loudly from under the blankets and Emma groaned as her brother’s knowing smile grew on his face. “How bad is it?” Killian emerged from the comforter and Mary Margaret’s mouth opened wide.

“Oh God.” Emma squeezed her eyes shut.

“Anyway…” David continued with a grin, “See you when we get back. You and I need to have a little conversation about your intentions with my sister.” He warned with a wink, dragging Mary Margaret from the room, questions flying from her mouth until the door shut behind them.

“Oh God.” Emma sunk down into the bed, pulling the covers over her head.

“Do you think he was serious about my bike?”

Emma yanked the covers away, staring at Killian. “That’s what you took away from that entire situation?”

“Do you know how much I paid for that bloody thing?” He exclaimed. “He was joking right?”

“You don’t care that David and M’s just walked in on us, that they know that we had sex?”

He shrugged. “No, David thought we had sex years ago.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“He figured that was the reason you were always so hostile toward me.” He grinned and Emma’s mouth opened and closed like a fish trying to breathe.

“I was hostile to you?” She asked incredulously. “I’m pretty sure it was the other way around, you used to pull on my hair.”

He rolled over on top of her. “Because I thought you were adorable when you were mad. Your ears get red and…”

“Are you serious right now? You were trying to make me mad?”

“Let’s be honest love, it wasn’t a difficult task.” Emma’s eyes widened but he cut off her response with a kiss that removed all other thoughts from her mind. His body pressed against hers in all the right places, making her ache to feel him inside her again.

She squealed. “Check out is in…”

“I don’t bloody care when check out is.”

“If my brother finds out you made him pay for an additional day in the room to fuck his sister, he might…” Killian groaned, rolling over and pulling the sheets from her naked body. Emma frowned. “Where are you going?”

“Get up, we’re leaving.”

“What? But I didn’t even eat my breakfast…”

He threw her clothes at her, a pile landing on her head and around her body. “Let’s go love, lots to do. Plants to water, rooms to explore.”

“What are you talking about?”

He leaned over, pressing his lips to her neck. “Are you always going to be this gloriously impossible?”

She melted into his touch, the feeling of his hot breath against her ear. “Have you ever known me to be any other way?” She purred.

“I’ll take you any way I can get you, Swan.” He growled in her ear, and she felt her entire body shiver, pressing her legs together to calm the aching need that was growing.

“How fast can you drive?” She asked, meeting blue eyes filled with as much desire as she was feeling.

“Depends on whether or not my bike is destroyed in the parking lot because that bug of yours won’t make it home before dinner.” She slapped his arm playfully, before he captured her lips with his, causing her heart to speed up.

“We’re not really going to defile my brother’s house are we?” He bit his lip, staring at her with eyes that made her entire body quiver. Hell, she’d let him take her right on the bike outside the hotel if he kept looking at her like that. “Fuck it, I think we still have time before check out.”

He had her on her back before she could finish her sentence.

By the time David got the bill for 3 extra days at the hotel, Emma and Killian had become inseparable. They still fought, and he still got on her nerves at least twice a day, but there was no one that had her back the way he did.

In fact, Emma was sure that she would never find another man who loved her as fiercely as Killian Jones.

#Emma's Reckless Dating Game #stacy's fics #emma swan #killian jones #captain swan fics #captain swan au #captain swan #captain swan modern au

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